Code runs, time to remove all the System.out.println("AAAAAAAAA"); from it.

A friend asked me to test a program he made
So i downloaded it, and i noticed that i crash when you try to minimize the window
After i tell him about the bug, he send me a new version, and said "I fixed it, it was pretty easy"
He just removed the minimize button
"to remove a bug, remove the feature"

YouTube: tapping like 1px out of the like button, obviously you want to reply to the comment
Facebook: let's just remove the like button altogether, only exposing it to the comment section
DevRant: let's make it possible to double-tap anywhere on the post to upvote it

Only one of them did things the right way 🤨

The reason why aliens are avoiding earth:
Me : Guys, the CI/CD pipeline is ready. ci.yaml is our config file, so don't remove it as the deployments will fail.
**10 seconds later**
slack: BUILD FAILED
Me: *Looks at git commits* "Brian removed ci.yaml

Wtf BRIAN!🖕🖕🖕🖕

Developed an android app for the client. It was going great. Prototype for the initial (and static) content to show to the client was on the way. All until...

*goes back in time to when we were developing the prototype*

The asshole boss: "Wow this is good, just remove the login after the splash screen. Redirect it to the dashboard immediately."

Me: "What? Why?"

TAB: "He (the CEO of our company) said that the client doesn't need to see the login."

Me: "Well, alright." (Orders are orders, better remove it)

*A few days later, we present the prototype to the CEO. He'll be the one talking to the client. TAB isn't in this meeting.*

CEO: "Where is the login screen?"

Me: *dumbfounded and confused, in silence, and pressure rising*

The Good Boss: *whispers* "Where is the login screen? I thought I told you guys it should be there."

Me: *whispers* "TAB told us to remove it."

TGB: *Looks toward CEO* "TAB told us to remove it."

CEO: "Ugh. TAB is sick."

A little giggle. Nonetheless the meeting continued. He was displeased. I was a little guilty. The login screen's code was already there. Just couldn't show it since the app doesn't redirect there anymore.

*A discussion after the meeting*

TGB: "Why'd you guys remove the login?"

Me: "You and TAB had a meeting with the CEO the other day. After the discussion TAB went to us and told us to change it."

TGB: "But the CEO said no such thing! Anyway, let's go back to the office and straighten this out tomorrow."

*The next day, TAB was in the office*

TGB: *Chatting on messenger with me* "He is completely denying it."

Me: "WHAT?"

TGB: "He said he never told you guys anything. And he is persistent. I kept telling him it was his fault, but he denies all of it. He never approached you guys to change anything."

Me: "Well yeah. I guess we magically thought to ourselves and said, 'Hey, let's remove the login screen for fun. Let's show them less content because that's how we please our clients!' -_-"

Seriously, what kind of assholefuckery is this. This shit is a whole new level. I am so TRIGGERED.

I don't really care that the meeting didn't go as planned. Just MAN UP AND ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE YOU FILTHY SON OF A GOOSE. Never listening to this asshole again. Thought he could be trusted. I will always ask my good boss next time.

Sometimes I just randomly start installing a new vps, configure the server, put a random sub domain on it, forward nginx with SSL, print something random on the page and then just remove the thing again.

Solely because I enjoy installing servers/configuring them.

Am I weird? 😅

Web developers - if you can write code to tell me that my phone number or credit card number shouldn't have spaces in it, just remove the #$!@$!* spaces for me FFS! You know very well people are going to put the spaces in there...

Manager: How long until the current set of tickets is complete?

Dev: Based on storyboard points it’ll be 1.5 weeks from now

Manager: That’s unacceptable! Let me take a look at the board and see if I can remove some low priority tickets.

*Later that day*

Manager: Oooo I found a bunch of really exciting tickets in the backlog that I forgot about. I’ve added them to the board.

Dev: Did you remove any?

Manager: Huh? Oh right. No, I looked and it all needs to get done.

Dev: With these new tickets added to the board our new estimate is 4 weeks.

Manager: WHAT?!? BUT I SPENT ALL DAY LOOKING FOR EFFICIENCIES!!

Dev: …

When you don't know what a part of code does to your program but you are too afraid to remove it.

I just spent 20m debugging.

Basically bootstrap nav wasn't working. Couldn't understand why not.

Figured out its a an issue with the JS interfering so I remove the script reference from my HTML. Problem solved.

Okay,cool. Now let's add that file back in and figure out what caused the issue.

Hm. This line looks like it might be it *comments it out*...odd. Problem still happens.

*proceed to comment out and test every function to see what could be causing this issue*. Still happens. Fuck it. *comments the entire file out*

what the fucking fuck. I remove the script reference the problem is gone. I remove all code from the script - problem persists.

...wait...are you fucking kidding me. I OPENED THE WRONG JS FILE WITH THE SAME NAME BUT IN A DIFFERNT DIRECTORY.

QA just asked me, why does the website look so ugly and no CSS is working on Internet Explorer
I'm lucky I'm not the web dev lol

*I laughed*
*IE laughed*
*Windows laughed*

Boss assigned me a task on Google Docs:

Boss: "Please remove this line"

Me: "What!? You're already there! How hard is it to fucking select the fucking sentence with your fucking touchpad and press the fucking delete key on your fucking keyboard!? Why assign me with such a fucking waste of time and fucking trivial task!?"

Delivered Project to Client (Android App) and forgot to remove a Toast that I used for Debug purposes. "it fucking works!!"

Client: Please remove the address inputs from the inquiry form. Our marketing strategist said that more people will fill out the form if there are less input fields.

Me: But you are required by law to include the address in the generated inquiry PDFs!

Client: Can you remove the fields and still include the address in the PDF somehow?

Me: No. How would the website know the users address without asking for it.

Client: Okay. Wait! Can we change the form to just one large input where the user has to enter everything at once? That is even less inputs so more users would do it, right?

Me:...

Manager: 'Please remove this checkbox from that page.'

Me: 'Sure thing, it was stupid anyway. Just gimme a couple of minutes.'

Legacy code: 'LOL the checkbox is wired to everything else and if you simply remove it the backend will shit itself. There is several hundred lines of inline Javascript in the HTML template with some Thymeleaf stuff managing the form data or just are there to make the code less readable. The controller for the page is a bit more than a thousand lines of spaghetti, no easy way to find where is that specific data necessary and where can be easily removed. Class variables declared between methods, dozens of nested if statements checking shit in every method and the data is passed through like half a dozen other classes. Good luck with that!'

Me: '💩.'

Client asked for Two Factor Authentication as a part of the webapp we're building and then were confused as to why they needed a second password to login

"we don't want to add an extra step into the login process, can you remove it please"

fml

"Remove it i don't want it" - display: none !important;

Today is deadline day. So my Project lead decided to remove a key column because "it wasn't necesary".

He didn't tell anyone about the change and no commit message explaining it.

When confronted by the whole Team about his stupidity. His excuse Was: "I didn't know we had a deadline".

Holy badger fucking horsecum guzzling excuse of a potheaded flat earther!!!

Remove the egos, and then read other people codes, it doesn't matter their codes are good or bad, you can still learn from it.

Ever accidentally +1 someone, remove it, and then feel bad cause they probably got a notification?

Decided to try and remove everything google from my phone by using a root app uninstaller since my phone runs the stock rom.

Thought it would break my phone and was preparing for a recovery flash...

I now run a stock rom without anything Google 😍

Even signal works fine with a background websocket connection.

Google, unkindly go fuck yourself.

Coworker: This guy's computer is completely messed up...

Me: What? Why?

Coworker: So he installed some virus...

Me: Yeah? And...?

Coworker: And apparently it changed all certificates for antivirus programs into Untrusted Certificates - so he can't install anything that could remove the virus!

Me: That's horrifying..

What's your story when you had to scrape your code, for the better, when you went working for days and had to remove it all?

Oh you'll love this. A master password to access any user.

Something like:
const masterpassword = <dayABCyearXYZ>
if (password == dbpassword || password == masterpassword) { // allow access }

The best part is this code is available to our clients. They can literally see how this "master password" is generated. And they don't want me to remove it because it's being used by testers.

Apple at its finest. Sold the iPhone I used to own. Wanted to remove from iCloud. Open chrome on my Android device and was greeted with unsupported browser. Funny thing is it works if I tick open as desktop website.

Ffs apple. Your safari browser is the new IE of browsers. Yes my device is supported. Yes for Christ sake it can render stuff. It's not an old Nokia... Who even thought it was remotely a good idea to restrict mobile access...

Hey, remember that one feature that really needed to be in the release and you spend almost a week non stop at the office? Nobody is using it, we're gonna remove it this sprint.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

A pull request I made to an actual open source project got merged. I might actually be a real dev now!

(It was just to remove a snippet config, but still!)

Just spoke with a guy who considers himself a PC expert.

He: You can always recover your offline data from your PC, even if you burn it.

Me: You just need to remove your hard drive.

He: Even if you remove your hard disk, offline data can be recovered from from RAM memory.

Me: WTF?? * Trying to explain him that RAM is a volatile memory*

He: Yeah but you can recover it from the BIOS.

Me: r u serius right now??

And I can continue, because we've unfortunately talked for about an hour.

Why these people consider themselves experts and why the fuck do they have to teach you things that the don't know. FML

Not me, but a colleague questioned himself for a while over this one. He simply forgot a semicolon when doing some server maintenance:

sudo yum remove application1 sudo yum remove application2

This didn't just remove application1 and 2, it removed sudo and yum too. One slightly embarrassing call to the ops team later, we had to replace the box.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should automate your server maintenance!

Client : can you add a calling feature to our android app?
Me : Ok.

*** after updating the app ****

Client : what is this **** dialog (calling permission request for android)!
Users are complaining about it and refuse to use the app!!! Don't you know I can get into legal problems with this???
Me :But you just asked for this feature?
Client : I want this feature but remove the dialog.
Me : you can't that's not how google works.
Client : I don't care do something remove the dialog or edit it but keep the feature.
Me : 😑😑😑😑 nvm I'll figure out something.

Ended up with copying the number to the dial screen instead of direct call from the app.

Me: Yes! I'm finally ready to upload my first Android app to PlayStore, im so excited!!

Google: Make sure to remove all the Log calls from your code.

Me: *Finds out that there's no way Android studio can make it for you*
FUUUUUUUU**

Goddammit ASUS..

My laptop was not able to boot unless plugged in because of malfunctionning built-in Intel Anti theft technology.

Turns out its deprecated and there is a software available to remove it

So I installed windows to be able to run it but it was not working no matter what.. Turns out it was also deprecated and not supported anymore, so there is no way to remove the faulty anti theft system..

I sent my laptop to ASUS so they could find a way to remove the software and I got the reply "we will have to change the motherboard, it will cost $600"

No way I am paying this much for something that was supposed to be a software problem so I asked them to cancel and send it back

Now I got it back and its not even booting anymore and theres a few screws missing

Goddammit ASUS...

During code review:

Guy (also the same guy who pushes code without making unit tests): "Hey, this thing you added is unnecessary. Remove it."
Me: "Have you read the rest of the changes? It isn't unnecessary."
Guy: "Not yet"

Developer: Changes are difficult from here, are you sure this is how you want it. 🤔

Client: yes. 👍

Developer: ((3;"'&}×π{sk*[=¶^[|) ☕😴

Client: Oh, actually can we have this too and maybe remove this bit because we don't need it now thanks. ☺️

🤐🙃🔫

FUCK JOOMLA, SERIOUSLY FUCK IT. HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE TO REMOVE ONE FUCKING ITEM?! FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK

"First remove the break points, and then commit the code".

He described it as if the breakpoints could stop time!! 😂

The more code I remove the better it works

It gives me utmost pleasure knowing that even people at Google forgot to remove the link to Orkut for three years!

Was wondering why my rig was slowing down to a crawl to find it was MalwareBytes so had no choice but to remove it...Goodnight sweet price.

people asks why they cannot remove their edge from windows, not even with chainsaw. Here is why..

I know everyone is tempted to have an edgeless view, Me too. Especially, if you have OCD.

Actually, it prevents you from falling out the windows, home theft, assassination, and roof collapse. Thus, it is intended to be indestructible for your own safety.

Today I got lectured by one of our Seniors that my automated test isn't useful because it always fails. Reminded him that it only fails because of a bug that's assigned to his team for four months now. He answered that I should remove the test case. Sometimes I honestly question why they even have a QA if they ignore at least 80% of reported bugs...

C0D4 kinda hangry!
Yes that's a word...... maybe.

Ok, so I'm starting to see memes, memes and more fucking shitty memes, don't we have Reddit for that?

I wonder.. if it's a terrible idea in this day and age to remove the ++ button from meme posts, it would immediately remove the incentive to farm ++ and not contribute other wise, and it's not necessarily penalising them for doing it, it's just not rewarding them...

I know... I'll go jump in my bunker and hide from the riot that will probably begin now.

My brain is melting.

6 hours straight of just Refactoring without a break.

Technical debt is real, it is a bitch, and so are clients to expect to 'see' changes every week.

Boss tells me we need to balance doing work on things the client can play with and the backend code that does it all... 😧ok....

'TODO: remove sample return and connect to backen' As far as the eye can see.

pushed an error ajax to production: alert( data + "form not submitted you cunt"); I forgot to remove it. 😂😂

PSA: "sudo apt-get remove nginx" doesn't actually remove nginx. It will still continue to run and block port 80 on every reboot.

Until you run sudo apt-get autoremove, nginx-core and others still remain.

And that's how twenty seconds of scheduled downtime turns into 10 minutes.

Dammit nginx

Client: We want to onboard people with sign-up wizard just like (Massive Industry Leader) so remove the sign-up process from the app.

1 week of development later...

Client: We need to take photos of their information, but we think its easier to take photos on the phone so once they sign-up link then to the phone.
Me: How will they get the apps if it not in the app stores?
Client: Get the apps approved for the app store! duh!

2 weeks later... 4 failed app submissions..

Client: Would it be easier if we just add the sign-up on the app?
Me: Yes... like it was 3 weeks ago?
Client: Yes! Why did we remove it?
Me: You did in an effort to be more like (Major Industry Leader)
Client: ....but we're nothing like them! Change it back!
Me: >•<!!!

I have to fire my client...

Refactoring

When wrote some abstraction,
commented out the old stuff,
replaced it with the new calls
and after it passes all tests
get to remove all the old crud.

( ☼ ◡ ☼ )

I feel clean again.

'"Chess" can't be modified or deleted because it's required by macOS.' This is a screenshot I took last year when trying to clean up unused apps on a mac. makes me want to try to forcefully remove the chess app, only to see which integral part of the system it will break.

I wrote in a rant here that I couldn't access my 1TB external hard-drive anymore because I refused to "Safely remove" it from my computer.

My brother sent me today an image with it, showing me that he managed to open it.

I can't tell you how happy I am!

The solution: if you encounter the same problem (it takes forever for windows to scan it and you can't open it/ on linux it tells you to go to windows and and properly eject it), just go to `Device Manager` and `Scan for new hardware`. This should find it & solve it

-> everyone at the company uses git
-> asked to change some stuff
-> boss says "don't remove the old code, just comment it in case we need it in the future"
-> ...
-> ???

Just a thought...

Is it illegal to remove a geo blocker from a website by just setting the display to "none" in the dev tools?

Asking for a friend.

Motherfucking jquery or adminlte, either one of this shit remove my element addEventListener, already found a way to do it, but it kinda hacky so I still searching the problem

Fuck both of you

When a colleague left their computer without logging out, I created a shortcut to internet explorer, named it Google Chrome, and changed the icon to Chrome's icon. I couldn't remove Chrome's shortcut from the desktop or modify it because I didn't have permissions, so I turned of icon snapping and dragged it off the screen. I also replaced Chrome in the task bar with my fake icon. I then set the Internet Explorer to open a bunch of useless pages when it opens, set it to the default browser, and changed the search engine to Yahoo!

"xkcd.com is best viewed with Netscape Navigator 4.0 or below on a Pentium 3±1 emulated in Javascript on an Apple IIGS at a screen resolution of 1024x1. Please enable your ad blockers, disable high-heat drying, and remove your device from Airplane Mode and set it to Boat Mode. For security reasons, please leave caps lock on while browsing."

Best part of the site honestly

-Hey highonsleep you a webdesigner, right?
Me: no, frontend dev.
-Yeah right my dad needs a new logo for his firm, can you do it? We can't pay right now but we'll give you lots of paid design work in the future and it'd be good for your portfolio.
Me: whatthefuckingfuckLOL. *Unfriend/block/delete/remove*

That moment when you receive an email saying

"I got an error message that's says 'All hope is lost, delete everything'. Is this normal?"

and you have to explain that was an old printf that you put there for debugging purposes and forgot to remove it before committing...

Me seriously debugging someone's code.Analysing the code for 15 minutes.I reach end of file and I encounter a comment saying that this file is not being used and he doesn't have time to remove it!

Definitely a rant.

I mean you've gotta love how samsung does not allow you to remove facebook and its derivates: insta, whatsapp and some other junk. Yeah, it allows you to "disable" them. But today I found whatsapp running and consuming >50M of storage even though it was DISABLED

precious, ain't it..? Facebook is a system app.

...

Building a page for a company on the side, they said payment after page is delivered. I said they'd get a finished build, they were okay with it. I also added a couple random errors that will break the site after a month... Am I a terrible person? :3
I will remove the errors after I get paid, of course. :p

Kid brings me an ancient Chromebook with non-functioning "t" key.

I crack open the case and remove a bunch of screws trying to get to the keyboard.

No can do. This thing is built to basically self-destruct upon user tampering (Dammit, China!!!)

Put it all back together with the intent of trying to wipe it and recycle it.

The "t" key is suddenly working fine.

Just a random thought.
If you are going to remove the headphone jack in phones because your goal is to make it slimmer, we'll why not put two USB c ports? One for charging and other actions, one for other actions only

I am always caught in the middle of Nerf gunfights as my colleagues love shooting at each other all around the clock.
And I hate it so much that I decided to remove all ammo from the battlefield.
No ammo, no gunfights. Does that make sense?

Should I remove the code, or comment it out until the client changes their minds...

GNOME devs: “ah users use this feature. Let’s remove it completely and fuck em”

goddammit Microsoft, why do I have to remove your fkking internet explorer icon and store icon after every update! noo I don't want it in my bar. gtfo! leave my settings as they were! How hard can it be? Think: does this fuck up someone s personal settings? if yes , DON'T DO IT.

Tempted to root my phone purely to remove the long term Volume exposure warning (and the subsequent auto-lowering of it).

Fuck you, you don't know me. Maybe I want tinnitus.

Was having an internship interview, and the guy starts laughing while reading my resume and says:
"don't put visual basic on your resume if you don't want to work with it"
I proceeded to remove it ASAP.

At my current project we use SVN, but today I noticed a colleague of mine uses another version of version control as well.

Example:
V1:
console.log('Hello, world!');

V2:
//console.log('Hello, world!');
document.write('Hello, World!');

V3:
//console.log('Hello, world!');
window.alert('Hello, world!');
//document.write('Hello, World!');

Every singletime Ive to remove 40 lines of comments before Im able to follow the code and refactor it.

FUCK YOU LENOVO AND FUCK YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE
They "repaired" the hinge and it locked solid three days after I got it back.
My faithful companion has been reduced to such a terrible state :(
I had to remove the screen, there was significant stress on the panel.

...I guess I could make a server or something out of it?

I called customer support for an unnamed site.
I: I don't seen it when I refresh page
Support: press CTRL + f5
I: I tried, I still bad
Support: remove memory from your computer and reinsert it. Then it will go.

Wtf, Best support ever :)

800 line file.

Could be 300 lines but despite having version control, the devs didn't have the balls to remove any of the code. Just commented it out or appended _old to the function names.

"It's easier to undo than version control"

Sure, but how much time are you spending wading through the waist-high swamp of shitty, useless code?

My boss just came to me and demanded that we drop the first layer of security from our new servers so that the snake oil salesmen he used can open test it. I did try to explain that you don't remove security to test security.

When you look at a layout and consider the hour it will take to refactor and clean stuff out to remove built functionality.

Nah fuck it - display: none !important;

Why focus is important.

Mr Miyagi:
"wax on"
"wax off"

Enterprise IT manager:
"wax on"
"have a meeting"
"wax dried during meeting"
"wash off"
"wax on"
"have another meeting"
"have a meeting bookending that meeting"
"wax baked on by sun"
"get out sander to remove dried wax"
"ruin paint"
"try to spot fix"
"have another meeting"
"paint is the wrong color, won't come off"
"throw it wax, start a new project"
"pay vendor to repaint car"

Tiny little line of random JS code.
"No Comments in the code"
Me: I think this is not required, let me remove it.
"Deletes the line..."
*Entire App Breaks*
Me: OK, It must be important.
"Cmd + Z"
*Plot twist: The APP is still broken*

Guess who just needs to stay up late in office.

I found a vulnerability in a famous financial institute site. So I asked their customer care over email, how can I report it?

They said: "remove your cookies" 🤦

For some reason, when testing if a block of code is firing, I always do console.log('fart'); More often than not I forget to remove it before going to production. I feel good knowing that's out there on dozens of sites right now.

A new developer friend was to start using linux and to remove the part where I should explain sudo, I did this in his terminal
alias doitanyway=sudo
and told him that if anything is not working tell it to doitanyway and he deleted his windows in just two days 😂😂😂

So I've been working on this website now for a while and I'm finally near the end.

The client suddenly writes to me to ask me why there is captcha on some of the forms (register, post). He asks me to remove all captchas.

I explained to him why captchas are important and I even told him one old story of mine (basically I was noob and made that fatal mistake and suffered).

His response is to remove them anyway he didn't like them.

My response?
I keep this conversation in text form and screenshots, and I keep backups of it.

I have a feeling I'll need them.

last day, 1 h 50 minutes left

now they ask about passwords, how is it with the backups and so on.

Well told him 3 months ago that the backups is on my server at home and I will remove the backups today ...

Dear Microsoft, stop pushing me to update to Windows 11.
I still haven’t changed my mind and I won’t change it even if you ask me for the 6th time.
Just stop being an annoying bitch, please!

Also, one button is completely enough. You don’t need to make me click 3 or more buttons in different places just to remove your Win 11 messages which you keep slamming into my face.

Today’s lesson in C programming:

DON’T use
system( “clear” );
in Mac OS...
Causes seg Fault in ur program when it is perfectly correct...

What happened was... a friend wanted help with C programming and had written this code... but it was getting seg Fault randomly... just random seg Fault when his code was correct...

I pinpointed the seg Fault to a printf statement but the statement was correct...

Off to search the issue I went, found out that flushing problems can occur in printf if u don’t use \n.
This happens randomly. Thought this might b the reason...
Went to a VM running Arch Linux and tested the code there... worked perfectly. No issues whatsoever.

From a distant memory I remembered some people discussing to never use system( “clear” ); since it causes issues.
Thought to remove that line from code, thinking it wouldn’t make any difference.
Well imagine my shock when the code worked fine after remove that freaking line...

M gonna blame this one on Mac OS since arch had no issues with it 😡😡

Now to find alternative to system( “clear” );

Damm it I spent 4-5 hours on this crap!!!!!!

When you forgot to remove this personal Toast in android code and publish the code to production
Next day around 100 people were confused what does this message means because it's written in English but not an English word.

BTW it means "It's closed" :)

I have a second hard drive called "Windows" on my main system (for dual boot).
When I unmount it after I had to access it via Linux it says "You can remove Windows now".
Makes me smile every time.

I generally don't whine about Windows...

So, I shut my computer down last night, I thought. But no. A rare OneDrive prompt prevented the shutdown. I don't use OneDrive. I've even tried to remove it, but it just keeps popping up.

Other programs stopped just fine though, such as my firewall.

Don't you just love it when relatives ask you to "fix his computer" and you end up opening it up to remove dust that's from 100 years back.. Oh, and for free of course since "we're relatives"

One of my clients got hacked.
FML. It was fucking bad passwords by a team member.

Google has now blacklisted the domain.

Removed the shady code, requested for review. Hope it recovers soon.

Any idea how long it takes for Google to remove the red warning page before you even enter the page ?

<IT Support Feature Request>

"Developer Mode"

- reduce condescending support agent chat level to 1.
- remove unnecessary checks for "have you turned it off and on again" & "please ensure your machine is plugged in".
- instantly be put through to second line support as a minimum level.

Cons - none
Pros - reduced developer anger, reduced developer time wastage, reduced developer hatred for people less technical

So, I got a ticket to make a page using a given wireframe that had submit buttons and other buttons to add more items in the wireframe.

So, I pull the html, hook up the abilty to submit the form and add items, and send it out for review.

One comment on the review.

"Remove the functionality, you'll handle it in the next ticket"

So I commented out the javascript. Guess what I'm doing on the next 10 minutes.

I have this reserve phone. My previous phone broke and I needed a cheap replacement till next February.

First thing I did is download DevRant.

Since I play BF1 I also wanted to download the companion app.
It appears that I ran out of space and my phone asks me if I want to remove DevRant to free some space....

Guess I'll use the companion on the web then.

Domain server goes down, it's the gateway and DNS too.

Ok I'll just remove the domain, it's been orphaned really since you went to the cloud.

Don't have local admin password.

Ok call old it company who set up gear

Out of business

Ok boot to Linux and reset

Usb boot locked

Don't have bios password

Call old it company

Still out of business.

Wait, can I just set manual ipv4 ? Ok domain without a domain controller... If it works it works.

My coworker (the safety officer of our department) came into my cubicle today and after standing there a few minutes with his phone out, I asked him what he was doing. He responded by saying "I noticed theres a Caterpie in your cubicle. As the safety officer, it is my duty to remove it, as it is causing a tripping hazard". I thanked him and we both went back to what we were doing.

Traffic lights optimizer. Imagine big AI being plugged to all city's traffic lights and changing all durations in order to adjust all of them, if we add smart cars connected to it we might remove traffics at all. It is way ahead in future but would be cool.

<rant>
I really don't enjoy visual studio

Is not bad but it's not worth the disk space it takes up..

Also, if your disk is starting to fill up and vs is filling the most space, YOU CAN'T <swearword> UNINSTALL IT FROM YOUR PC

To remove the shit, I had to upgrade to Windows 10 (our school PC's are not allowed to have Linux) and delete my whole fucking disk, just to get it removed

Fix your shit ms

</rant>

WHY THE FUCK DID MICROSOFT INSTALL A NEW KEYBOARD LAYOUT AFTER THE LAST WINDOWS 10 UPDATE AND IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO REMOVE IT?! fuck it for fucks sake

I was tasked by a client to build a blogging / News website.

Client's first request: remove any reference of a publish date from the blogs, it ages our content.

I hate subscription-based payments.

Oh, you want to charge my credit card 90$ if I forget to remove it from your shitty website? Oh, well.

Windows FUCK you, you had one job, one fucking job to update it and you ruined it.
I trusted you even though everybody said don't.
I didnt remove you i dual booted you when everybody said FUCK windows.
I had my data.
I had games.
And you FUCKING ruined it.
And listen:

FUCK WINDOWS. I am switching to linux!

Nothing more depressing than a response like "No, no, no, we can't remove this old code. It doesn't matter that there's 0 references as of 3 years ago"

Doing browser detection the wrong way, probably dictated by Google marketing policy: any Chromium browser is supported by Google Docs - unless the user agent string contains the "Vivaldi" keyword.

"Issues" like this made the Vivaldi team remove their brand from their default user agent string long ago, effectively hiding the browser's market share in stats, as it will be counted as Google Chrome adding to Chrome's market share.

Why I can't be a politician? Because I would be that kind of guy who will definitely end this pandemic by suggesting the public to have their lung surgically removed.

I am a software engineer , I often remove cable from my local server and plug back in and it works. So I conclude , I can't be a politician.

So I made a message board and posted it here at devrant

Now there’s a user with username Ass and I don’t know what to do about that situation…. I don’t want to remove him from user, but all he posts is ass…

Fuck me

TIL you can make the smallest implementation of Debian:

Use only busybox and APT
Remove sysd and use busybox init

Holy fucking shit, let's make this an actual distro and call it debsmol

I love linters and all. They’re great for maintaining good practice. But sometimes they’re a little too aggressive, and when the rules are being imported from elsewhere, I am not sure how to temporarily disable them.

This is especially frustrating when the linter decides it will break your shit instantly, so I found it easier to just call a method and remove it when the functionality is built.

Right now there’s at least 4 “this.stopBitchingAbout([all, the, things])” in my code.

PR comment: You don't need this useCallback and this useMemo, it's premature optimization, this component will not have a lot of rerenders anyway.

*remove it and merge it*

Few weeks later...
Slack message: why the app is so slow???

*opens a PR putting back all "premature" optimizations*

PR comment: Hum... I don't think that's it, but let's try it.

*merge it*

*slowness is gone*

Slack message: wow! How did you figured out so quickly???

Me: I was lucky, I guess ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Inspired from Jase's face reveal, doing it again for me new friends.

Image in comments (so I can remove it later for privacy reasons).

That moment when you remove a giant CSS vendor lib from the project repo and it goes from 60% main language and 40% CSS, to 90% main language

I think God is a developer. I have to say a most impressive feat, even for God, is the idiot algorithm. It has persisted through millennia of attempts to remove it, but it just keeps refining itself. While it's incredibly brief, its functions are yet to find an environment in which they cannot operate. It's full adaptable to any task, impressively modular, and self replicating.

No matter how what problem you present it with the idiot algorithm can always find a solution. It never leaves well enough alone. It can even give you an answer before everything is fully processed!

If you have plans to open source one thing, just start it open source from scratch. It’s extremely painful to remove business logic of a closed source project.

This is not something new but I want to say it loud again.

With all my heart, fuck you internet explorer. Windows should release a FORCED update (sorry for that) and remove it from every fucking version of windows and antivirus programs should detect it as a virus. It should be removed from existence and browser lists and also saying its name should be crime. Also, please remove it and any releated memories with it from our brains.
Thanks.

sudo rm -rf *

Just started out on linux, learning the ins and outs. All I wanted to do was remove two directories. Thankfully it was a fresh install, didn't lose anything important.

A valuable lesson was learned that day. 😂

It's not bad UX! It's just deprecating and replacing it with a hidden feature!

So before there was an Uninstall button on the long-press menus but they removed that in some update...

So now all icons only have a Edit, Remove, and App Info

I finally got annoyed enough after looking for a Setting to just email them...

I spent 4 days working on a new feature of our program. A real pain in the ass! Even did a few hours of overtime.

This morning I go to my boss to tell him about a performance problem I was trying really hard to solve, but couldn't still totally remove...

His answer: "Don't bother with that! Our client is not going to use it. They simply forgot to remove it from their request. So we are going to deliver it so they will have to pay us!"

FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!

I just found out you can commit single lines of a file without the necessity to remove temporarily debug lines every time ... it has blown my mind.

When a password hint tool throws an error saying your password is too weak, you then remove a symbol and it now works 👌

Code review day 1:

Me: Where are these three templates being used? I don't see any class that uses them.

Him: Oh, yeah. My bad. I'll remove them.

(Time passes)

Him: I don't know what's going on with my branch. Please ignore the PR for now.

(Time passes)

Him: Is there any way for me to get the files from staging. I don't know what I did to my branch.

Me: Hang on. I'll push a copy of the one I have in a new branch.

He declines his PR and stops by to say he's going home but he'll open a new PR tomorrow and remove the unused files.

Code review day 2:

Him: Hey, do you know what happened to my PR? It looks like it disappeared.

Me: You declined it yesterday. Said you'd make a new one today without those extra files.

Him: Ooooh!

Refactored my current portfolio grid :) Decided to remove margins for a cleaner look and removed slideshow functionality because things became too slow and it really doesn't need it.

Virus Rant: Unwanted folder keep creating itself after deleting it.

Windows Defender detected some malware & cryptominer exist and originated from Chrome folder

Solution: Remove completely Chrome and stick with Microsoft Edge for now!

I cant believe I am removing Chrome and stick with Microsoft Edge.

Lesson learn: please be vigilant at all time.

I HATE my router
Why the hell did virgin media think it was a good idea to NOT let me port forward ports LESS THAN I’ve already set up

WHO THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?

Its so fucking annoying, I’ve had to remove all of my set up ports just to add ports with low values too many times AaaAAAaa

Huh? GitHub just added an empty column to my project with an empty item I can't remove, reloading doesn't fix it.

( ་ − ་ ) 'You can't see this item'

I've finally got a monitor at work that works with Samsung Dex.
Positive things:
- new super cool monitor
- can remove windows now from the dual boot of the laptop since everything I needed it for can be now done on Dex.

Negative things:
- DevRant doesn't work with Dex. It just doesn't load properly. But maybe it will work through a browser. Need to test...

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear douchebag than to open it and remove all doubt.

`git ci -m "Remove not needed escapes"`

Removed some \ from bash script.

But how it sounds :D

Why do teachers tend to not explain parts of their code?
I got some C++ material and example code for doing some rendering, and the material says "these parts are not important".
Guess what? If the whole thing does not compile when i remove the unimportant code, it was fucking important!

I am wondering what would it take to remove the spam / bot accounts out of devRant. Just recently seen quite a lot of them. If we collectively report their profile, would @dfox remove them ?

E.g. @chaosesqueteam

when you try to stop tracking changes to files you added on git but instead of running the remove from cache command you run the remove from server also command. and it deletes all the cpanel config files and ruins the hosting account.

You keep a song in your playlist that you skip everytime it plays.

You want to remove it but you don't.

Why are our brains wired like that?

My phone just randomly started installing "instant apps" by itself even though my settings are explicitly set to not auto download update anything. It's not even visible in my installed apps to remove. After a quick search it seems like Google is forcibly rolling out a new feature. If I wasn't looking at my phone I wouldn't have known. Thanks for eating my mobile data.

Client: I need you to clean up the database and remove all rows [with children] with a timestamp older than 5 years

Team: OK

Team [internally]: we definitely need a dba for this
Me: dba? Why? A junior dev can do that
Team: yyeeaahh, but still.. A DBA would do it better. You know, foreign keys and everything

Me: ....

Dear Facebook.

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING CUNTS.
The next time you upgrade your piece of shit application on iOS and remove stuff from their place which makes me search all the way your crap battery vacuum application until i fuckin find it i will come to your office find that dumb zuckerberk and push the fuckin chair he sits at down to his throat.

Same goes for your retarded website.
Suckers.

DAMNIT. I love Netflix, I do, but if you want to really stop the illegal downloading in the long term then don't remove series or movies I'm watching.
I get it, it's these big companies pulling their content but it's just so backwards.

Happy new year!

Question: is it common for test guys to ask you for data that requires you to explicitly break your software? I mean literally remove safety checks from the software to generate such data? Cuz our test guys seem hell bent on breaking our system, even if it means supplying data that is illegal.

That moment you realise that bloatware you had on your xperia device that you couldnt remove without rooting? Google tries to install it on your new phone.. Nice

I hate it when people sneak up and I have to remove my headphones when coding just to ask.. what you doing??
Jerking off jackass.. Come sit down

This kind of stuff is what causes developer's to loss their mind. If you have to write a comment saying do not use a function, REMOVE IT!

Yeah, please fucking tell the other knob I accidentally starred, ++d, liked, .. his X, that's a great function, better yet, why not make it fully archived, so even if you remove it a second later he's going to know you're the asshole that did it

Oops accidentally created this Angular component in the wrong directory. Better run the Ng command to remove the component so I don't need to remove the files and references in app.module.ts otherwise it would take an annoying amount of time to track down the right lines there and it also opens the door to human error!

......shit

Just wasted nearly a day because I got work assigned that has alreay been done half a year ago and nobody knew it.

It's really hard to find a feature to remove, that's already been removed and the truth is only to be found deep within the version control.

FML

Dear debian package maintainers...
If you want me to add you PPA to my list please MAKE SURE IT FUCKING WORKS!

so after 1000 emails from Google baiting me to try Google cloud tools I did. 24 hours later apt-get is dead and I'm trying to remove the shit storm of gpg keys etc it added to my machine.

Hey guys and girls, quick question.
Im currently writing my own collection-framework in Go.
It has a Collection-Interface, that looks like this:
Clear()
Size() int
ToSlice() []interface{}
Add(...interface{}) error
Remove(...interface{}) error
Contains(...interface{}) (bool, error)

The library should also contains stuff like stacks and queues, so datastructures, that dont fit that interface perfectly.

So should i write a weird implementation of the interface for them, like Remove for stacks (high pitched internal screaming), or should i just say fuck it, and dont implement the Collection-Interface for these specific types ?

Well fuck. This laptop was nice, then the hinges decided to remove themselves from the mount points. Also a metal side rail mananaged break as well...

Anyone have good suggestions for laptops? Prefer machines with a distro of Linux on it, but not afraid to install

Why. Just why, making a installer only working when Windows first installed language is En-US. If its En-GB, no way it gonna work. And if you got more then one language installed. Good luck, you need to remove them from Windows Registries and try again. Now do it for 30-35 computers 😅🤮. How tf they are doing millions with this crap 🤦

How do you remove oily keys on keyboard?

What I’ve tried so far are rub it using a pencil eraser and clean it using cotton with alcohol.
Damn. I’m having a hard time to remove it.

During my first job as software engineer I was assign to setup meta data upon implementing the meta data I accidentally forgot to remove the static og:title="Im ocabafox and Im handsome AF" and it was deploy to production. After few days someone send an email that when they share to facebook there is a text Im ocabafox and Im handsome AF. :D

Guys help?

So it began with i finally decided to change to linux ubuntu.
An error screen pops up if i remove the usb now. But if i didnt and press restart, the install screen reappears again prompting me to either try ubuntu, or install.

What am i doing wrong then? Thanks a lott.

Client A: “What does that little button do? It looks so not fit in though. Can we just remove it?”

Me: “It basically serves as a sort function and to make those data look more tidy when you first input them. Especially when it comes from many sources, it .....blah blah blah.... So it's quite inportant to stay there according to UX basic.”

Client A: “??????????”

Me whispering: “Jon Snow.....”

Client A: “Sorry, what?”

Me : “Noooothing~ let’s talk about the other module shall we?”

Senior colleague wants to remove eslint from a project, it keeps giving him errors when his lines are several hundred characters long 😐

"oh, you work with it? Can you help me remove viruses?"

hmpf...

A program I was using did not recognize a flag that I needed, so I edited the EXE file (using notepad++, no hexeditor) to replace a flag whose name was actually checked with the one I needed. Worked like a charm.

The response for my bug report was "this feature should not be there in the first place, we will remove it". Lucky me they did not remove it earlier.

Went to PC Gamer's website. Got blocked by an anti-adblocker. Opened the DevTools to remove the fuck out of it. Found class names that may have been made by the drunkest vodka-fed polish dude the Earth ever carried.

In Morning: Let's remove this bug.
*after some time*
"Ok!!! I would solve this at night time."
Night: leave it! Let's work on another project.

I have a great idea:

Remove # from tags if people forget.
It should be easy to implement and it will finally shut up those purists.

Apple is really a rotten company.

They have a deal with Chinese government, so they are basically helping abuse human rights.

Recently they disabled AirDrop in China, to further prevent freedom of speech during protests. And they are threatening to remove Twitter from app store, since it Musk is ramping up free speech.

Code is a highly detailed description of what a computer should do. If that description becomes inaccurate we will remove inaccurate parts. Take pride in writing good code, recognize that it was useful for a while, but don’t get attached to it. It will stay in the git history.

If you see code as your baby, know that the team might need to kill your baby.

Worst argument/fight was on a game I was working on.

One of the other devs was waiting for me to write some server Code before calling the endpoints on the client.

After writing the server Code I added the client side Code and committed it to our repo.

They had a massive go at me for doing work for them and threatened to remove my Code and replace it with their own code.

When you dual boot ubuntu and windows, then decide to remove Ubuntu because,who ate you kidding, you're not actually using it, then you get bored and want to try the new Linux distro that branched off from arch and vms at the same time so now you're experiencing the wonders of chakra on oracle virtual box....🤔

Forgive me Linus for I have sinned. It has been since the dawn of time since my last confession.

I hardcoded naming conventions for file names into a script that is used to remove incorrect lines of text that are created during our process to create the files that we send out so that healthcare claims get paid correctly and copy and pasted the code for each new state’s health plan since the users(who are supposed to be technically inclined as they’re in IT as support analysts) can barely figure out how to set up the excel file to remove the lines. There are now 18 files of the same python script with different US States’ names.

My boss' solution to whatever problem comes from a plugin:

spam emails to the plugin creator until they dont desperately give up and either block you or they solve your problem, 2 emails a day should do for first day, then increment every day.

I mean, if I ever get to make a good plugin and my boss will ever download it and can't make it work, I much rather remove the plugin from Earth than solve the issue of a spammer

Bugreport @dfox or @trogus

On the Android app, comment a rant and remove it (modify -> delete). After that the last comment before your's will go all the way to the bottom, instead of having a "spacer" for the social buttons.

Can anyone confirm it?

Created a hidden role in the Postgres database, with some tricky constraints, which only a DBA can find and remove, to give myself, disguised as the postgres account, a role which no one else in the system can have.

Called it "pharaoh". Thug life ;

Anyone else working on projects to remove flash from their projects? Anyone not going to get it done in time? What are your work arounds?

Just got placed on a project to help remove flash from a proj and there's no way this is going to get done. I looked up when they announced deprecation and that was in 2017.

I find it laughable the company waited to the last minute to do this. Obviously they didn't deem this important enough to do ahead of time so I see no reason to work OT for someone else's poor planning.

When the week starts with the following task:

"Remove the page."

And mind reads:
"Remove the page, you had to invest hours of your precious, because we never really plan about things we really need. We just have a gut feeling and it would be nice to have fully functional websites instead of paper prototypes or click dummies. Thank you but keep in mind, we might need the deleted page next week."

Oh wow, fuck Ansible

Turns out there is no way to automatically undo the things it did, because surely nobody would ever want to remove software...

Now I have a half fucked server that I can manually clean up again 👍

Anyone else have this happen? Has happened twice already where the menu covers the feed and no matter what I do I cant remove it to go back to the feed(clicking rants, swiping, etc)

if i could just make sure it doesn't eat me or remove my face :)

I will remove the commented code LATER means I will NEVER do it :(

When you use an Android app on daily basis, upgrades every time when you can, then you remove and reinstall it and get a very different UI and feature set. What kind of black magic is this?

Fuck DataGrip, and it's an unintuitive interface, which asshole came up with the idea to remove the import menu option in favour of a drag and drop bullshit, and while I am at it fuck your documentation that is never accurate. You are a tool to speed up my work not create more tasks dummy!

Too lazy to properly format input from text file so I just debug the script to see the loaded the lines split into list, and slap in a shittona `.replace([Stuff I wanna remove], "")`

It works tho.

Am I the only one to hate Google drive window's client? It Is far slower than OneDrive/Dropbox. If you work inside the drive you could lose shit, If you remove a file window says it can't be removed but after the error message he does it and If you log out the client..It removes the virtual drive with your files on😑😑 what the fuck Google, what the fuck

Is it okay, to wrap posix-commands in your program for stuff like remove, mkdir and copy, if the language doesn't provide this functionality to accomplish these, without having to implement them yourself and handle half a million edge-cases.

Hey, if your repo shows up as a popular search result, and there hasn’t been an update to it in 7 years, AND it has more than 200 open issues, AND it’s a buggy piece of shit… DELETE THAT SHIT ASSHOLE. It’s a disservice to let people use your fucking stupid abomination that was relevant years ago. Swallow your pride and remove it from the internet.

Can anyone of you help me.
I couldnt find anything on the internet, on how to remove that one branching commit, or how it got there in the first place.
(that commit and the one above it, introduce exactly the same changes)

Nothing like having your hands full with work projects, then getting a message from your, not so technically knowledgeable, dad, which says that he's going to remove linux from your old laptop and replace it woth windows.

By himself.....

Tried talking him out of it, but je's adamant about it.

Should I call an ambulance?

I also feel really bad for my old laptop now

🎼Cu-cum-ber docs led me to beliiiiiiiiiiiieve
The exit flag was un-nec-e-ssaryyy
Thought I’d make a new branch
Remove it in CI
Let it run in Jenkins
That’s the reason for the never-ending teeeeest ruuuun 🎶

^to the tune of Neverending Story

What are the symptoms of a broken openssh server?

I completely lost access with connection reset by peer, however, earlier today I kept having my session auto disconnect on only one server, the only way I could gain access is to remove and then install openssh again

But on this particular server, I have not even changed ssh port, why did it get broken?

When you find some interesting code on the internet so you copy paste it but it gives you like 20 error messages and your whole project file get corrupted so you got to remove the whole project file and start over

That one mistake you make in the initial stage and you have to live with it. build your code base around it. Since it will be too expensive to remove it. 😕😕😕😕😬😬😬

Introduce lot of temporary variables and print statements while coding and won't remove it later...🤐

When you do the drag and remove of the react-native app on the phone and realise on the next build it doesnt work because i need to remove app from settings because it got disabled

Its Friday, i spent less time that younger me would have finding that. I consider it a successful debug session.