Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?

well that explains it...
all i had to do was break them up and now its up and running

About 10 years ago my wife and I were buying a house. We found out late that we needed a lot more cash than we had previously thought we needed, and the deadline to deliver it was just a few days away. After returning home from my full-time gig at about 6pm, I took a break for a bit and then worked all night on a job for a client to make up the extra money. When 7am rolled around I had just finished up. Then I went back to work at my full-time job, and later met with the client to present my work. It was roughly 27 hours at a keyboard for me. That effort made it possible for us to successfully buy our first home. If you want something badly enough, make it happen!

Meeting with asshole partner company CEO at restaurant.

Me: "I'm a bit worried about the bugs in your API. There are some ways to retrieve privacy sensitive info from public endpoints"

CEO: "Well, we're a rapidly growing startup!"

Me: "Uh... so?"

CEO: "So... Move Fast and Break Things! Priority is to improve our API further, and we'll fix bugs as they show up"

Me: "Maybe you should stop trying to emulate Zuckerberg in your management style. You know that even Facebook themselves admitted that their slogan was a retarded mistake"

Waiter shows up at table. CEO orders some overly expensive fish salad.

CEO: "Well, they have done something right... they're worth billions"

Waiter asks me: "And you sir, have you made your choice?"

Me: "Do you serve popcorn?"

CEO: "Popcorn for lunch?"

Me: "No, for your congressional hearing"

A programmer and a business analyst are sitting in the break room one day eating lunch when suddenly the microwave catches fire. Thinking quickly, the analyst leaps up, unplugs the microwave, grabs the trash can, fills it with water from sink, and dumps the water on the microwave to put out the flames.

A few weeks later the two are again having lunch in the break room when suddenly the coffee maker bursts into flames. The programmer leaps up, grabs the coffee maker, shoves it into the microwave oven, and then hands the trash can to the business analyst, thus re-using the solution developed for the previous project.

When u break up with ur girl n she ok with it

Enough of this!!! I need a break.
*Gets up partially from chair*
*Looks back at the code, gets an idea*
*Sits down again for couple of hours*

Interlude (Break Room)

Me (Lead Developer), HR lady (HR)

Enter stage right ME

Me > "Oh hey HR lady, how was your vacation?"

HR lady > "Well, we didn't end up taking the kids to Disneyland after all."

Me > "What? Why not? Come on, I have to hear this!"

HR lady > "Long story short my husband and I are getting a divorce."

Me > "Oh shi-"

Today, after two hours of debugging, my girlfriend called me to break up.

Then my backend started giving strange errors about some unmet dependencies.

"Welcome to everybody's favorite show: Did It Break!?!"

"Here's our first contestant, Alex Brooklyn!"

* Audience claps *

''Tell us Alex, what command did you use?!"

ls -la

"And did it break production?!"

Not yet..., the website is still up, even checked without cache and on a different network, I haven't had any calls in half an hour and Sentry reports nothing

"Great to hear! On to round 2!"

Not sure what Linux Desktop to use? Use this handy guide:

- GNOME: when you want no tray icons, themes that break every minor GTK release, and extensions for basic features (that are buggy.)
- KDE: pretty go-Segmentation Fault
- DWM/Awesome/i3/etc.: when you feel like the time you spent learning Vim wasn't wasteful enough
- XFCE: when you want one update per decade and poor Systemd support.
- LXQt: the biggest positive is that it doesn't use GTK.
- Cinnamon: when you like GNOME 3 but you want a different menu
- Deepin: when you want a desktop with the build quality of an HP laptop.

Aren't sure whether to use Xorg or Wayland?

- Xorg: if you want to absurdly fuck up your touchscreen, pick this one.
- Wayland: if you want to screw up most of your apps, too bad; this won't work with your proprietary drivers. If only it did.

What distro to use?

- Ubuntu: if you want to break your system with PPAs, check out this one.
- Debian: when you want Ubuntu except with more out of date packages
- Redhat: when you want Debian except with more out of date packages
- ElementaryOS: wait, someone actually made a properly designed Linux UI?
- Arch Linux: the only thing that doesn't make me sick anymore.
- Slackware: "that exists still really?"
- Gentoo: when you hate systemd more than waiting 4 days to compile Firefox on every release.

... I love Linux. I do. But it is very taxing to get things comfortable for me anymore. I feel like the Linux Desktop is in a period of flux and it's painful to be a part of right now.

Shutting down my company 😔,

Can't do it anymore,trying to do the best work for shit pay.

Clients haven't paid... Now I doubt I can even find 10 quid literally don't have 10 quid to my name right now 😔.

Burnt myself out ... I can't even concentrate on my work cause I'm stressing on everything...never ending spiral.... 😢

Going to just get a normal job ... Just lucky I have parents to go back to.

Running a dev company... Really amazing when things go well, it's unexplainable in fact but... Devastating when it doesn't 😞

You know when you break up with a girl you've been with for ages... Like how horrific ... That can be... This is literally worse .. I didn't think it was even possible...

Few of us went to the break. After 20 minutes or so, this one guy just stands up, says he’ll be right back, and leaves. We figured he went to the toilet or something. He never came back

Thank you dear mr. boss for fucking up our master branch by adding local changes to a 2 months outdated master branch (250 FUCKING COMMITS BEHIND), pull the remote and then just push without resolving any conflicts!!!1!!!

But thank you so much for sending me an email at 10pm asking me to resolve the conflicts.

It is 3 in the morning and it took 1 hour to get it clean.

Sometimes I want to break some necks...

Boss: Give me unrestricted access in the system.

Me: It's dangerous. You might break something.

Boss: I'll be careful.

Me: *gives access*

This happened 2 years ago. Now every week he deletes something he shouldn't and break a module for him or for the clients using our system.

Just woke up in a rant email saying that "oUr OnLiNe StOrE DoEs NoT wOrK". Well, that's because you have delete the Cart configuration for all the clients you dumbass. What the fuck were you thinking when you deleted that?

What seems to be the problem? Oh, is your wordpress site hacked/infected with malware?

So I guess you decided to disable updates because it might break your shitty little site? And I guess you thought those warnings you got from me and multiple colleagues about what could happen when you didn't update your wordpress bullshit weren't that serious?

Hold on, you want *US* to restore *YOUR* hosting backups?

Hahahahahaha-no.

Go clean up your own fucking bullshit. But, before you click that restore button, please take a cactus, carve 'I am a stupid wordpress cunt' into it, dip it in a bathtub of with blood mixed-infected cum and shove it up your ass.

Oh yeah I'm aware that that won't help your situation but it might keep you from reproducing and at least it'll give me some satisfaction.

Me: “I’m gonna rebuild this site from the ground up.”
Also me, 5 minutes into it: “Can’t figure out this stupid CSS thing I need to do. Gonna take a quick break.”
Also also me, looking at it 5 days later:

Reason to break up?

So I was looking at the linux environment at my new job. Found 2 VM's in the local network, only one of them is documented. Noone knows about the other one or what it does, let alone usernames and passwords.

Spent over an hour trying to break in, only to find out that a couple of bored devs, that have long since left the company, set up a game server on there and noone noticed it for the past 3 years..

So after I spent around 1 hour 35 minutes debugging a client's problem to end up with finding out he had no actual internet without him saying so I think I can finally catch a break and relax..

NOPE

I get an urgent call that a computer that needed tending to was down and needed to be up by tonight

I rush to the office of the said computer only to find the one of the worst things imaginable.

I can see the computer clearly shorted and lo and behold, the CD tray is out with a MUG.. yes you heard that right.. A MUG FULL OF TEA sitting on it..

I literally scream at the employee asking him what a mug was doing there and instead he calls ME DUMB saying that if it wasn't intended as a cup holder what was its use?

SERIOUSLY?! ITS 2017 HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT GRASP SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS THIS

Dev: I’m taking a vacation next week

Manager: Good you need a break! I’ve put together a list of tickets for you to action during vacation since you’ll mostly be free during that time

Dev: Do you know what vacation means?

Manager: Well I work during *my* vacation

Dev: You write non-answers to emails and interrupt devs with status questions that are easily answered by a single glance at the kanban board. Also, you’ve just assigned a month’s worth of storyboard points to me on my week long vacation. We’d get more work done if you didn’t “work” during your vacation.

Manager: Well it all needs to get done! It’s the only way we can catch up and get ahead of schedule.

Dev: Why do you exist again?

Last year I got an Acer notebook from a guy that stated that "it isn't working". "Okay" I thought, let's boot it up.

> Screen turns on, no splash screen, no hard drive activity
> Well fuck
> Tries to enter BIOS, nothing
> Openes case to reset CMOS
> Nothing
> Okay I think I need to flash a new BIOS
> Acer support site
> "Download the exe to flash the BIOS"
> What
> Spend two hours researching
> Find out that you can flash via USB and by pressing a key combination
> Extract the BIOS binary from the exe file
> Flash it on the notebook
> Splash screen and working BIOS
> Yay!!!
> No bootable devices found
> Fuck
> Connects hdd with test bench
> Completely fucking dead
> WTF
> Order a new hard drive
> 3 days later
> Install hdd
> Install Windows
> Finally working

WTF did you do to this notebook to not only mechanically break your hdd but also fuck up the BIOS completely??!!

Was working on some a project at a coffee shop with my girlfriend when I got frustrated and exclaimed "God damn why is this method breaking everything". My girlfriend looks up at me and starts in surprise "code can break?".

1. Find bug
2. Try 3 methods of fixing
3. All fail
4. Tell yourself you're trying for the LAST time then you'll go on to something else
5. End up trying 5 more times
6. Repeat step 4 20 times
7. Cry
8. Finally take a break
9. Return next day, try another method, it works instantly

FML!

M: Me
FAC : Fucking annoying colleague
1.
FAC: Hey how did you set up your microservices?
M: I used docke...
FAC: But docker is hard to setup, i want an easier option
2.
FAC: Which services do you have?
M: I have one service for the api, one with redi..
FAC: Redis is not a service
3.
FAC: Do you use AWS API gateway?
M: No, in set up my ow..
FAC: why would you set up your own? I just use the one from AWS.
4.
FAC: How many instances are you have running
M: I have 5 replic...
FAC: 5 replicas? That's why i hate microservices,they are costly
5.
FAC: How did you divide up your app?
M: Since I am starting, its better to run the monolithic and then break it up lat...
FAC: I knew it,you don't actually use microservices
6.
M:(thinking)* Fucker, if you know it well why are you fucking disturbing me?? *

Why do functions break up?

how do functions break up ?

well, they stop calling each other😝😝😝😝

Trying to design a company logo and all I keep ending up with is the pringles guy after he loses his job and has a mental break down in a forest...

So, I just got up, opened my sister's laptop to work (she gave it to me while I was in this small trip) and I see this. She was like "if you break it, I'm gonna kill you" and I said "oh no! What am I gonna do? Hammer it or something?" Fuck my luck, seriously

This bitch at work is afraid of hard work and is currently spending more energy fighting the work than just doing it.

She wants to keep a legacy setting that's on the wrong scope -- per merchant, not per payment -- in addition to the setting I've added on the correct scope. She's bringing in management two levels up all because "I've already moved on from this" and "it will require me to write code quite a bit" (first paraphrased for clarity, second is an exact quote)

Bitch, your way is dirty as fuck and is going to break things. Roll up your sleeves and do your damn job!

Made a bad pun at work. Collegue:

What about I break this beer bottle *points at it*, stick it in your throat and put it up your ass sideways afterwards?

Me: 😅 I'll stop 😅

Sometimes my timing is bad :P

We got married and started our relationship at 1.0. After our first argument, we managed to patch things up, so it wouldn't all break down: 1.0.1
Same night, I suggested a sexy new feature, and we worked up a good sweat implementing it together.
I got too excited and released prematurely: 1.1.0
After that, she was a bit cross, but then I suggested a hotfix. She agreed and got right on top of it. After a few minutes she finished and managed a release as well: 1.1.1 😏

Fullstack dev: Hey I need your help with one of this method in the service layer (We use Java).

Me: Sure. What’s up!

Fullstack dev: When you get a user ....blah blah blah...

Me (typing code):

if (user != null) { ... }

Fullstack dev: Wait! This won’t work. You need to write this:

if (null != user) { ... }

In Java, you write like this. In JS it’ll work, not in Java.

Me: (also fuck this guy)

He’s among the famous devs in the company - (A very very very famous European bank).

I checked his commits for the frontend (React Native)

switch (some_expr) {

case foo:
return stuff()
break // <— note this

case bar:
return moreStuff()
break // <— note this

// more cases here with break after return statements

}

Me: Hey if you’re returning from a case why are you using a break. It’s dead code.

Fullstack dev: It’ll fall through otherwise.

———————
You’re a fucking dunce! Please drink a litre of Carborane in a rusty HIV infested container! Cheers!

PS More to come!

I promised myself to be extra productive today. After an hour of working, I took a small break to read a bit about Elon Musk...

...and somehow I ended up reading about the history of jigsaw puzzles on Wikipedia. Ffs.

*creates table in database*
*writes query to retrieve data*
*gets error and Google's problem for 2 hours but no luck*
*in frustration, takes a half hour break*
*checks database for set up issues*
*realizes that the database is the wrong fucking database*
*face palm & quits fucking life*

I make dumb fucking mistakes like this way too much

!rant

My laptop feels complete again. I'm back up to 32gb RAM after being down to 8 for a few months...

Now i can have all the virtual machines open without worrying about maxing out my system... time to go break things while I learn what they do! 😄

!dev I'd just helped a client cut over to a new fiber connection and then left for Vegas, about 2 days into the trip my wife and I decided to hit a breakfast spot that had bottomless mimosa's, which was of course a claim we had to test.

As we are walking(stumbling) out of the restaurant I get a call that the connection has crashed and the entire car dealership is unable to sell cars, which they tell me is important functionality.

So I make it up to my room and break out the laptop, luckily the mgmt interfaces are still available externally so I'm able to log in and then have the fun challenge of 1) not falling off of my chair 2) not accidentally making a change that kills what connection I have in and 3) fixing their actual issue.

Took me almost an hour to find a simple OSPF issue but at least got them working and happy. However by that time I was beginning to sober up, which is the absolute worst thing that can happen while day-drinking and ended up basically causing me to be be hung-over for the rest of the night, including my wifes friends wedding, which she wasn't thrilled about...

The moral of this story is to make sure to NOT stop drinking while dealing with unexpected production impacting events.

Some of you might already know that I'm a writer. I decided to take a break with my manuscript for my debut novel (titled Society's Trial) by working on my third manuscript. (I have lots of manuscripts lol.)

Anyway... This third manuscript involves a dev, so I obviously had to include Linux references :D

Also, I blacked out some parts because you probably don't want to read that haha.

(Also... All characters, dialogue, and etc are copyrighted by me. So don't be a jerk and end up copying my scene.)

!dev

I am such an idiot. I met this girl today (this is so so incredibly rare) and we got off to a nice start. We had things in common and our conversation was going quite well. She mentioned she was going for a walk in the park and told me I was welcome to join. And me... the idiot.. I had no plans for the evening... absolutely nothing else to do.... I told her I had to go catch up on some work and maybe another time and I just up and left with a “Bye”.. with a stupid smile on my stupid face.

Some history: I had a horrible break-up a while back and since then, I’ve been having difficulties meeting people.. let alone have a relationship. I started freaking out at the mere thought of getting close to someone. I keep thinking about how to keep people away and not get too close to anyone (not physically).

Remember those innocent looking two lines of code that you didn't write a test case for, because they can't possible break, right? Well, they are going to fuck you up.

Q: how do fuctions break up?
= they stop calling each other.

(ba-dum tshh)

Forget about Internet explorer compatibility, EMAIL TEMPLATES are the actual worst. Outlook uses the same html rendering engine as MS WORD. It's sooo painful. All the bad practices you had to do 15 years ago, you have to do when you write email templates.

YOU WILL NOT KNOW PAIN until you have to make an email template, that works in Gmail, Yahoo Mail, OUTLOOK, outlook.com, outlook for mac, MOBILE, Android, the gmail app, IOS, apple mail, and so on. And after you make an unholy abomination of table garbage, then having to make it responsive/mobile friendly after all that!

If something is broken in one client, fixing it will break something in a different client! And then having to take a stab in the dark to try to fix it and then sending yet another test email (which costs $ per test)

I must have slashed decades off my life having to build email templates. It really is horrendous. There are frameworks like Zurb for email that at least let you feel like you're using a modern workflow. But things break just as often.

Honestly if you have the option, use a wysiwyg editor for building emails. At least when it does break (and they all will) you can at least blame the software.

Which is better than spending 4 hours on why that table cell doesn't line up correctly in outlook.

How do two functions break up with each other ?

- They stop calling each other.

Came to work and there ware my boss and CEO waiting there next to my place.

"Hey, you remember that you mentioned yesterday that you had a break through and the thing is finally starting to do something? We have few journalist downstairs can we show them a demo in like five minutes?"

"Ok, give me five minutes and don't click here and there otherwise it blows up."

My boss came back from presentation after ten minutes that it doesn't work, after little investigation turns out to be hw issue, replaced hardware went to the conference room and it worked.

Crazy deadlines? No, just another day at work.

So my ex gf was a developer too and she used spaces instead of tabs and she would put the { on a new line. That was not the reason to break up with her but I just can't hold my rage ffs

Some time ago I quit my job at a big corporation. Getting treated like a resource, a production line robot, just isn't for me.

My current job is way better. Small company, lots of freedom, getting to work on multiple projects, the result counts. But, as a small company, we also collaborate with big corporations. So I joined a team at one.

Watching my coworkers there, I'm reminded of robots again. Lunch break? 15 minutes tops. Just shovel some edibles into your face hole and back to work. Five minutes break between meetings? Open laptop, work work work. The concept of "needing rest" seems entirely foreign to them.

Yesterday our product owner "relayed some criticism" from other team members to me. Apparently, me going to the toilet in breaks is "suddenly disappearing". Or me not replying within 15 minutes in the chat is outrageous. And then he tried to berate me how I'm "his developer" and his team's tasks have top priority. So, according to the PO the problem is me and I should "get used to their mode of operation".

How about "no". I quit a fucking job because that "mode" is simply inhuman. After that feedback, you bet I'm taking my legally protected 30 minutes lunch break and any other break I can. Because fuck yourself, you're not going to burn me out. The best part, that team has smokers who "suddenly disappear" twice as much as I do, but apparently that's somehow a-ok.

I had to remind him that his project is just one of several I'm working on, so no, not "his dev". While that wasn't exactly a powerful comeback, it did shut him up. Still going to talk to my boss on Monday, at least to ensure that the PO can't talk shit about me behind my back.

Github Inc. (Feel good inc. parody)
=========================

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

(change) Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Github
(change) fetch it (change), fetch it (change), fetch it (change), Github

Repos breaking down on pull request
Juniors have to go cause they don't know wack
So while you filling the commits and showing branch trees
You won't get paid cause it's all damn free

You set a new linter and a new phenomenal style
Hoping the new code will make you smile
But all you wanna have is a nice long sleep.
But your screams they'll keep you awake cause you don't get no sleep no.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Laughing at the class past, fast CRUD
Testing them up for test cracks.
Star the repos at the start
It's my portfolio falling apart.

Shit, I'm forking in the code of this here.
Compile, breaking up this shit this y*er.
Watch me as I navigate.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Yo, this repo is Ghost Town
It's pulled down
With no clowns
You're in the sh*t
Gon' bite the dust
Can't nag with us
With no push
You kill the git

So don't stop, git it, git it, git it
Until you're the maintainers
And watch me criticize you now
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
See how your team updates it
Steady, watch me navigate
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
Peep at updates and reconvert it
Steady, watch me git reset now
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.

If your npm/yarn config breaks on windows clap your hands
👏👏
If your npm/yarn config breaks on windows clap your hands
👏👏
Express generator doesn't work, and sass will up and break because there is no support for windows clap your hands
👏👏🎵🎶

Sigh.......das it...i am bringing the mac or one of my Linux machines tomorrow........

Do you guys have "principles", like a moral law you won't ever break ? Such as never working for a start-up, a specific CMS, etc?

I'm deeply anti-military for personal / historical reasons (plus you'll get hard time to find a dude that is less patriot than me), and yesterday my company announced that they won the call for tender that have been made by the french defense ministry, this is the biggest contract my company got, and obviously they take it seriously.

So it means that in about two weeks, we'll start a new project and work with the army to understand their needs and stuff. And I can't leave because I haven't finished my studies yet...

I feel like I'm betraying myself...

It was friday evening and almost everyone in office had left. I was assigned a bug related to some of my code changes. I called my senior to help me debug (has three years of experience, whereas me having only one year exp, who is also a very good friend of mine *always helps in debugging*).
So the code goes

switch (someEnum) {
case One:
doSomething()
// no break
case Two:
t.x = someEnum
break
case Three:
.....
}

I had recently added new enun One and was reciting the code logic to him as we were looking through code.
Him: Hey you haven't set t.x in case One. How did you miss that?
Me: No look, I haven't but a break on it. It will go ahead and set it in next case.
Him: What are you talking about? if the someEnun is One why would it execute Two case. Lets copy that line up there and try it locally.
Me: No no no wait. Are you saying that groovy doesn't need breaks in switch (Me being new to groovy but good with Java).
Him: Why would you need break in switch case even in Java?
Me: *stares at him*
Him: I'm going to execute a psvm right freaking now.
Me: *while he writes the psvm* Why did you think there were breaks in switch in any code?
Him: Shut up. *writes psvm code cursing me everywhere*
*executes code*
No way. Really??
Me: Tell me why do you think are there breaks in switch.
Him: I though they were to get you out of switch block and not execute the default block.
Me: So were you coding switch until now without breaks?
Him: I don't know man. I'm starting to doubt all the switches I have ever written.
Me: Anyway that's not the problem, so moving on.
*a while later*
Him: If a interviewer would ask me how would you rate yourself in Java. I would be like "Well I worked on various projects for 3 years in Java, but didnt know why we put breaks in switch. So you figure it out yourself."

One of the best moments in office.

When you are so angry about something you slam your fist on the keyboard, break the Enter and surrounding keys, rush to the closest shop that sells keyboards, fail to buy one because they're all too shit, come home and end up fixing your keyboard, then get even more pissed off because you had already gotten excited about that new keyboard, and end up writing shitty comments for shit you haven't even finished yet because you're too pissed off BECAHSE EVERY FUCKING THING IN THIS WORLD IS FUCKING BROKEN AND SHIT. AND NOW I HAVE A MIGRAINE AND MY LEG IS ITCHY FOR SOME STUPID FUCKING REASON!

Worst meeting:
Boss: *calls everyone* URGENT MEETING. If you're on your lunch break, then stop and join the video call. Is it a weird time in your timezone? Wake up. But COME

Omg what happened? Is the server down? Are we getting a huge client? What is so urgent that it needs all of our attention right now?

Boss: I'm afraid that I won't be able to stay long in this meeting.

... then WHY the f did you call this meeting?

Boss: that's why we'll have a meeting next at *such hour*. In the meantime, talk to your respective departments about what you've been doing and what you need from each other. See you!

No comment

TFW you inadvertently blow up a production site..

"This shouldn't break anything.."
*3 minutes and 10 emails later*
"Oh shit, that broke EVERYTHING!"

Been looking for a part time game dev job to pass the time during summer break, got a reply from a guy.

This part came up some time in the middle of our conversation:

Me: So, do you have a version control system in place?

Him: Excuse me, a what?

Me: A Version control system, like Git.

Him: Ow, what's that?

Me: It is a way to host projects in a more productive way for two or more people. It allows us to share our work more easily and work on the same file without overwriting and losing data.

Him: Ow, like Dropbox?

He was developing the game solo thus far and no idea such thing existed.
:/

'"Chess" can't be modified or deleted because it's required by macOS.' This is a screenshot I took last year when trying to clean up unused apps on a mac. makes me want to try to forcefully remove the chess app, only to see which integral part of the system it will break.

Oh my god! Just found my girlfriend opened 1000+ tabs in Safari on her iPhone. This makes me crazy... Should I break up with her?

I work for healthcare client project in a start up, worked two years straight without a break.

Client is very inconsiderate about developers work-life balance, he always wants to release every features yesterday.

Never had a reasonable deadline, worked late nights most of the time. No one had backbone to control this client from our side.

Its only developers team, no project management, scrum masters or anything, everything has to be taken care by Dev's.

I decided to take a week break from work.

The first day of my leave he pinged me 3 times to change an "from email" address for notification email which no one give a damn about.

I never replied or did anything. But the part of myself is dying of guilt.

Now I can't relax myself completely.

Re-thinking of my life choices atm.

I loved programming since high school, I can work on computers 24/7 without tired. That's how much I love it. Now I'm just tired of it.

If anyone who read this till here. Thank you.

Coworker: "Yeah, I know the code module is 25K lines of code, but don't try to break it up. At some point I realized that they just have to be that big."

Me: 😦

In secondary school (gymnasiet in Swedish) I made a little exe that I put on the autostart on one of the public PCs. That exe made various weird behaviours for a few minutes (disabling the monitor, messing up the keyboard/mouse etc etc) before it restarted the PC. If, however, you held down a certain key combo, it would show a nice popup before quitting. So I always had a free PC to access every break cause no one wanted that PC :D

Sooo this happened when I got hired to "redesign" a website. I opened up one of the WYSIWYG areas and holy shit there were literally hundreds of break tags.

001 REM Code review

010 PRINT "Nitpick nitpick nitpick nitpick nitpick"
011 GOSUB REFACTOR

020 PRINT "This function is too complicated, break it up"
021 GOSUB REFACTOR

030 PRINT "Why do you have three methods for this? Put all the logic in one method."
031 GOSUB REFACTOR

040 GOTO 020
041 REM ARGH

998 PRINT "Looks good."
999 STOP

My life was total mess up before this I.e.
Break
Return from death door
Drop in education
Financial unstable
Literally 1.5-2years was worst.

From last 3-5 months
I gave up FB(personal account ,I need it for digital marketing)

Unfollow every entertainment page from Instagram

Join Twitter
Increase activity in devrant

Subscribe to development related content in reddit
New YouTube channel just for learning purpose (never search songs and other stuff on it)

Start reading books like zero to one,think and grow rich....

Biography's of great people's like
Steve jobs
Elon Musk
Shivaji Maharaj

And many more

Stop chatting on stupid topics (hot girls,....)

Attained meditation camp
Start meditation (Vipassana)

Life feels more sorted

Thanks everyone

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of more than two years (we have known each other for more than four). My code (and my work in general) seems to have gotten better. Maybe because he's not always at the back of my mind. No matter what anyone says, long distance WILL take a toll on you if you don't meet the other person for more than a year. Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm loving the single life now and feel so much more confident about myself!

In Yellowstone to see the eclipse!
No break for me today though, I've got dumb clients to deal with, and I had to wake up at 5am to do a conference call.

Man you know that feeling when you are considering just tossing everything away and giving up and buying survival gear and living in the woods away from civilization? I dunno I just want a break from everything and smell pines again.

Fucks sake.

Well the clown strikes again,

How do u break production and a testing environment in one night?

One full month preping for same thing that revolves around one config file and assured us he was confident,

He wasn't
he managed to fuck it up so bad for the team d brass lost d plot,

I'm not one for condemning people but my God Dante's inferno woulda had an extra ring if he worked with this buck,

The stupidity has shattered my belief in sunshine and rainbows

So spent almost all my time on break just hoping to catch the elusive 512++, never came so I went to bed and slept... Woke up and by the skin of my teeth!!!!

Be me
>programming since I got up
>don't have much time to program because job sucks up all my time
>dont know the best solution to a problem so decide to take a small break
>open rocket league
>start 1v1 match
>4 minutes later
>dad walks in my room, demanding I go pretend to be a stone age nibba
>pic related
>wants me to dig some dirt for his crops
>wants me to carry multiple buckets of water
>wants me to plow literally fields
>no.jpg
>thisIsRealLifeNotMinecraft.wav
>tells me that I'm addicted
>tells me that he's getting rid of the Internet again
>fuckyou.png

Only my girlfriend and programming bring me joy and you reduce my capacity to interact with both. Fuck you.

This Twitter Bot will make you addicted to Books.

That is the title I came up for this post.

Anyway I just wrote a new Twitter Bot that when tweeted the name of the book that you last read, it will reply back with a related book suggestion.

Feel free to take it for a spin and share your interesting finds. I know you will try to break it :)

Oh for fucks sake on a horse raping twat of a week.

It’s like everything that could go wrong did go wrong, from people fucking up, to orders being fucked up in multiple systems to me wanting to break someone’s fucking nose for being a complete dumb fuck. Seriously how do people that do a job, day in and day out go completely fucking brain dead and fuck things up beyond fucking repair over hundreds of orders.

Sorry but FUCK this shit, it can wait till fucking Monday you cunt rash of a shit.

Was on a call today...nobody knew who owned or was responsible for one of the servers. My manager has a great way of finding out...he says "If I take my hammer and smash the server to pieces...who gets pissed." A moment of silence then someone speaks up..."Oh well then that would be Joe down the hall."

That my friends is how to get answers. Threaten to break things.

This run up to Christmas is the shit. Everything is suddenly urgent. No time to do a proper job. If that isn't bad enough, you are also tasked with thinking up some ideas for family Christmas presents, as if i give a flying fuck. I dont mind the break for the holidays but i fucking hate Christmas but have to put a brave face on and celebrate (what exactly am i celebrating). And no scrooge comments please.

I was just a junior developer, and the senior interviewer had just left for a quick break.

And, I had to interview one dude for the post of Web Designer (we were not asking for experienced devs). And, then he comes up, opens his laptop, goes to a folder and opens an html file that turns out nothing but a "Save Page as.." of one News Website. Seriously, I just said nothing, asked him a bunch of questions and off he goes. I could not stop laughing later.

Down a non-technical rabbit hole yesterday:
- watch a cat bury his poop during smoke break
- google "why do cats bury their poop"
- click a link to the Felidae family
- get interested in the differences between puma's, cheetahs and tigers
- read up on the whole genealogy in detail
- spend an hour looking up the endangered status of Felidae
- close work laptop

"Nuff for today"

Coworker called me up and shouted at me for refactoring code. "It might break!".

But his copy paste addiction is sure to make everything more stable, right?

Course, he still hasn't figured out that I'm the tech lead, so I will completely ignore his useless whining, as I have his boss on board.

> raw http request injected in the model
> 400 lines long method, followed by three 300 lines long methods
> no autocomplete, no comments
> code called by the whole application, I mess up once there's at least 150 other components that might break
> no documentation, no tests
> pyramid of doom, 13 levels of indentation

Those are the same people getting all puffed up because the cat dared to sit on my shoulder during a call. Management focused on the real fucking problems, no doubt.

I do IT work along side my dev work. I had a Dr come up to me and ask me if I had time to help him pick out a personal computer... (Mother fucker I am on lunch break) "Sure" I say... "What's your budget, what will you be doing with the computer?" Dr - "I don't mind spending $6,000 and I want it for minor gaming..."

MUST BE FUCKING NICE!

Boss tells senior dev to show junior dev how to do something. Senior dev says okay. Get back to desks - senior dev refuses to show junior dev because 'if you fuck it up, everything'll break'... How exactly is a person supposed to learn if you won't even let them observe?!

JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DONT TOUCH ANYTHING FUCKING IDIOT!

Changes my code while I’m in holidays, deletes the tests that fail and pushes it to master. No backwards compatibility or anything..

Now I can spend a week to revert all his changes because they break lots of stuff and pray that he didn’t mess up the data too much..

I quit my job… it got so exhausting, it had become all about last minute work and ETAs. The more I worked the sicker I felt. It started directly impacting my physical health which ended up affecting mentally too. I feel good that I got out of something very toxic but at the same time not working kinda makes me sad when I look at others working. I have consciously taken a break to clear my mind but it affects me that I don’t know what next.

It's official:
Lunch break == catch up on devRant

Tired of reading spaghetti code written by your team mates?

Sit right next to them and ask them to write unit tests for that code.

Smash their head on the keyboard everytime they have to think longer than 10 seconds on how to test a specific logic.

Strangle them with any wire you find nearby till they agree to break up that spaghetti code unless they already started within that 10 second time frame.

When the exercise ends, tell them this is what refactoring is and ask them to pass on the knowledge.

The new Miui 10 is truly beautiful, sadly almost all dark themes now break something though, so hope somebody will come up with a proper one asap

Past two days one of the senior devs has been complaining to anyone who will listen about a UI assembly containing 'hard-coded' references to a third party component causing several builds to break. The developer who added the telerik component probably had no idea the reference is pointing to his personal directory instead of a relative path. Easy fix? Uh...yea...but he just ranted to our boss for about 10 minutes about he has no idea how to fix the problem and the TFS build failure holding up his other projects.
WTF!? You fracking know what the relative path is!...just fracking change it and move the frack on.

The drama this drama-queen keeps spewing out is driving me out of my mind.

Does anyone else just read up on documentation when bored or needing a break?

Someone is trying to launch a brute force attack on one of my servers that I set up for an old project. According to the logs, they've tried Jorgee, they've tried directly accessing the MySQL database (with the laziest passwords), and they're now on day 4 of their brute force attack against my SSH server. I'm fairly certain that they won't be getting in (not that there's anything worth getting in the first place), but what's the standard protocol for this? Do I just wait this out, or is there something I can do to break their bot? I have fail2ban enabled, and it is doing its job, but the attacker is changing their IP address with every attack.

I'm actually a Dev, mostly just a shell scripter who needs to support 500 servers which run our applications. I install the new versions and check whatever is wrong if there are customer issues.
One release weekend everything went wrong, Development had to make new builds on the fly with hardly any time for testing.
It took 18 hours with no break.
It was extremely hard to concentrate, but being in the Skype group with everyone and finally getting everything fixed was quite rewarding.
Everyone just opened a beer and we stayed on the call for about 30 more minutes just to relax.

I like our Dev team way better than I like my actual colleagues, who merely mess things up and call me for the smallest thing without even thinking.

Called someone special...
She didnt pick up...
Then was no "CALLBACKS" for 2 days...
Which made me break my "PROMISE"...

(JS and NodeJS DEVS will understand)

What I say:

Ah shit man! Spring break! Finally gonna be able to continue working on my personal project. Study, catch up with some books and tv shows while continuing to code!

What my wife hears:
Oh cool! Now I have someone to drive all around town getting me useless shit that I don't need while I am at work!!!

-_____________________________-

Not exactly a dev related rant but housing contract expired on 10th, booked a hotel for 2 days as flight to Bangkok on 12th.
I reach there to find it's been cancelled god knows why and didn't think it'd be nice to fuckin mail me about it.
Ended up in a shared room thing coz outside is -8c. Last time I ate was Friday night (today is Sunday evening) last time I had water was yesterday noon, and I've slept without a break for 27 hours.
Wifi they provided doesn't work btw so thank you netgear-ap for your unprotected WiFi.
Flight in 17 hours now. I can bear with it. Wish me luck~

In the royal city of Aagra. My phone broke and knowing the exploitative bitch I used to meet back then I was certain had I disappeared amid a conversation she would break up with me, so I debugged an Android 2.3 image with no documentation and shaky hands from frustration while cursing her every family member in Hungarian. (Passers-by probably thought I was casting spells on my computer)

I went to sleep immediately while taking a break from debugging and the dream was me debugging the same error the entire time. Then I woke up in my chair and resumed debugging

I'm an advocate of free software, debian specifically, hell my business runs on it!
But sometimes you just can't get around to use proprietry software. One of those is nvidia....

WHAT THE FUCKING MESSED UP NAGGING NARK SHIT NVIDIA!!! YOU FUCKING BREAK MY SYSTEM! YOU WONT PROPERLY COMPILE YOUR KERNEL MODULE, YOU BREAK MY X, AND ONCE I FIXED ALL THOSE THINGS MANUALLY(!) YOU HAVE THE FUCKING GUTS TO NOT EVEN DETECT MY SCREENS PROPERLY

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT!!! NVIDIA YOU SUCK!!! MOTHERFUCKER DO I REALLY HAVE TO FALL BACK TO INTEL GRAPHICS??? FUCK YOUR FUCKING COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY YOUR LINUX SUPPORT

And no i am not planning to use ATI since they dont support EGL, what is a dependency for the gnome desktop...

Don't panic and break up your big problem into smaller problems and solve them in a logical cadence.

Also, when you go home at night...turn off man. If you take your work home with you, you will go mental.

I love Unix, Linux all that shit (macOS can fuck off though). But why WHY WHY does every pissing update have to break something?! Guys I need fucking networking, not even intertubes just basic networking.

Anyway, I've come up with a solution. It is quicker for me to install a new OS and restore files from backup than to fix it, so that's what I do.

fucking hate how some sites deliberately break their own scroll functionality if you haven't logged in/accepted gdpr nonsense/signed up for a newsletter.

It's such an easy fix (most of them just slap style="overflow:hidden;" to their <html> tag) but I still think it's very loathsome

Our tech lead left a mess in the database. He turned his screw-up into an architectural discussion, weighing the benefits of duplicated, messy data vs. keeping it consistent. He suggested that, instead of fixing his broken script and cleaning the mess, we should break all of the other scripts and have them trash the database, too.

They almost believed it.

What a clever maneuver. I wish he would use his cleverness to make good software, instead.

Should I break up with Sublime Text for more intimate relationship with Vim?

I hate coming into the office! It's cold, people microwave smelly food, and I can't break up my work sessions with some gaming or anime. I wish remote work wasn't seen as such a scary thing for companies.

Dam wandows... My system is up to date almost all the time as I install those forced updates before they are actually forced, just so I can be in control of saving things and not losing anything valuable during a forced restart. I've updated literally last evening and made sure the day is done only after all the updates have been made. Today I was working on a personal project and made an hour break for lunch and some rest. My computer went to sleep as it usually does when I leave it for 10 minutes or so... Or so I thought. After my break I sat behind the damn computer to get back to work only to realize that I woke it up to wrong system (windows is secondary as I only use it for this single project that needs to be done in .net and UWP) and there's no work to get back to. It just made an update without even letting me know there is one to be made.
I swear, if the person who made this design choice have paid only 1% of all the lost works' worth, they would smash the thing on day one and went bankrupt in first 2hrs of that 'feature' living it's life. And people wonder I daily drive *NIX based system...

So a friend just told me one of his websites just got hacked and replaced with viagra advertisement.
He basically avoided joomla updates in order not to break something.

On the weekend I'm going to show him how to quickly spin up a docker environment for testing updates.

Anyone else have trouble with real life common sense?

Story time:
Yesterday Evening a dog chased my best mate's cat up a tree. Being the genius I am, I decided to climb after the adorable bugger. Fell from about 8-10ft onto concrete slabs on my back.

Main thing first: I got lucky, CTs and X-rays showed no lasting damage. I'm back home and safe now.

What got me was going through the hospital having to hear the story of how I fell out of a tree onto my back and head like an idiot... from medical person to medical person.

I was lying in the bed, thinking "I swear I'm competent!? Why do people trust me!?"

Does anyone else have any weird skill black spots, or common sense break downs?

When your wife doesn't understand the concept of working remotely and keeps asking you to put up flat pack that has been in the corner for a few days because you really don't want to put it up. Just because I am sat on the sofa with my laptop on my lap watch the whole series of west world does not mean I am not working. Working from your own house makes you lose your alpha male role pretty quickly when they realise what you really do. Perhaps I should put up the flat pack knock down a wall or something have a break from socket.io!

Just spent an entire night eaning up my codebase...

I optimized some of the functions got rid of unnecessary global variables and changed up the whole file hirearchy so it would be easier to read. After spending all night doing this I went to run the program and for once it seemed everything worked right the first time! However a portion of my application that is supposed to happen at a certain date and time never would run. After spending all night comparing each and every line for what I changed versus my last commit I couldn't find the fallacy in my logic. Everything should still work like it did before. After spending more time looking for bugs I finally realized I didn't break anything when I switched over to this new structure it was the old code that was broken. I went through the old code and after some debugging eventually found the culprit an extra continue statement that prevented my loop from fully executing. Lesson learned sometimes the biggest bugs can spawn from one line of code.

I just tried to install Linux mint on a SD card from a live system for a friend.
I managed to break his windows partition to the point that neither Mint nor the Windows recovery​ tool could read it and the SD card still won't boot.
I feel like a useless piece of shit and a bad friend.
At least his data is backed up but some of his licenses (Win, Office, ...) might be lost.

I woke up because someone was calling me to eat something since breakfast is out...

Then I check my email and people were pressuring me to finish project X (won't name because its private)

Oh my god let me catch a fucking break I've been coding nonstop for three days I'd appreciate if I get some leeway and rest? Fucking wankers.

A lot of larger companies seem to be a happy about forcing employees to change their password every three months or so. They do it for security measures so that it is more difficult to break through the system, however most people end up making the worst passwords.
Instead of forcing a very good password on them every year or two maybe, they all end up having passwords like: "Summer16", "Qwer1234", "London15".
I used to work for our national police, and this was the case there as well...

I am just sick of the things that's been going on.

Joined a mid level startup as full Stack developer working on angular and node js . Code base is too shit and application is full of bugs(100+ tickets are being raised for bugs)

Since the product owner(PO) wants to demo the application he is pushing for bug fixes.

UI code:
1. Application is not handled for responsiveness all these years, it is now being trying to address. Code base is very huge to address though .
2. The common reusable components of UI has business logic inside. Any small change in business logic we are forced to handle in common components which might break up on another components.
3. Styling in 40+ components are made global. Small css change in component A is breaking up in component B due to this
4. No time to refactor.
5. Application not at all tested properly all these years. PO wants a stable build.
6. More importantly most of developers have already left the company and we are left with 2 developers including me.

I am not in a position to switch due to other commitments adds up a lot to frustration

OK Mr CEO/President whatever self aggrandizing title you want to call yourself today, where the fuck is your spine! You want to have support help boost your sales but don't tell sales that you are letting support handle some sales and sales is mad. Now you are quivering under the thumb of the Lead of Sales. What the hell. You are the leader of this company.

Why did you not stand up for your decision to begin with? I'm not going to get into whether or not it was good, but if you are going to make a decision to experiment with new things fucking stand by it and let everyone in the company know.

You've exacerbated the division between departments and ton this company further apart. If you don't start standing up for things, you are going to destroy all that you've helped build! Furthermore, I will not simply be your loyal vassal and watch all the people doing support for my products get fucked over. I will leave you high and dry if needed. I really hope you don't make it needed. You gave me a great shot to be honest, I'd hate to have to turn my back on you in anger. But don't think for a second I won't do it.

Your entire programming department has also been put in the cross fire of a fight you just made so much worse. You are the only one who can clean this up. Are you going to stand up for us? Are you gonna stand up for your self? Or will you just break and show us where the real power lies? We will find out soon.

So my brother went back to school today. Now, during the 5 years I was there they had the most shit security on their IT systems, but aparently now they have fucked up their ssl. If you try to load the https page it comes up with the warning saying its an invalid certificate, but once you click it, it doesn't even load the school website, it loads this random page. Clicking on the buttons then take you to a page under their domain provided by another school. Going to this schools website, the https seems to be broken in the exact same way. It wouldnt be so bad, but it can confuse the hell out of people who type https before a url, and thos who dont realise and end up on the insecure site will need to provide passwords over an insecure connection. I am so glad im out of that place, they had such crap IT and everything was so easy to break.

I'm so done with all the covid talk.
Its all that's ever talked about and you don't get a break.

As if it wasn't bad enough to have that one friend who constantly has to remind everyone how politically educated he is, and how much he hates the neo[whatever the fuck], now he has to remind everyone about his opinions on the vaccine.

No one fucking asked, shut the fuck up.
Your opinions do not matter.

Creator of the react router:

If you ever see this, you created one of the greatest library with one of the worst documentation ever.

And don't get me started with versions. In every single versions, you break everything so badly and nothing works anymore.

Everytime I need to do something related to react router, I just fucking roll on the floor and cry. Documentation is fucked up.

It's totally fucked up. In the github there's one documentation, in the website there's a different. At the end, nothing works.

Please, if you want to create a nice library like this, maintain it. If you can't maintain it, mark it as deprecated and someone will take over.

But keeping something like this and making it absolutely inconsistent doesn't help. I am really tired of debugging bugs related to react-router

Okay, so there's this thing I've noticed. Whenever I find another job the old job suffers very hard very soon. So far there were these cases:
- goes bancrupt wthn a month after I left
- the department gets closed due to reorganisation next week after I left
- a sinkhole opens up right under the 14 stores building I left 2 months ago
- and today... 10 minutes before I go to a job interview on my lunch break prod db pulls a failed-hdd-and-all-data-is-now-lost stunt...

Every single workplace I've left suffered a lot. Is this some kind of a superpower? Can I fight evil with it? Should I put it on my cv? Should I let my manager know...? Or ask for a raise? :D

Up past midnight coding and figure I should take a break... So I check devRant 👍🏼

Always get into a slight existential crisis during this time of winter.

Is my job worth all the trouble? Should I sell my house? Break up with my love? Start using a different programming language?

Probably has something to do with the psychological effect of this arbitrary point where we consider a year to end, and begin a new one.

I have no idea yet. I think my job is the first one to go, the rest is probably salvageable.

If I find myself stuck for more than a reasonable time on a single bug, never plough on.

Get up, listen to some music, relax on your memory foam mattress, close your eyes and simply relax. Get back to your workstation and I always find myself solving it within seconds and wondering, "SHIT, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE"

And I find myself answering it's because I never took a break!

function getUnstuck(){
var methods = [
"getting on devRant for a bit",
"adding new functionality to your program",
"refactoring a function or two",
"working on a personal project for a bit",
"zoning out on some music to clear your thoughts",
"getting up from your desk and going to talk to someone",
"getting more coffee",
"taking a \"lunch\" break at the bar",
"just fucking leaving for the day"
];
return "try " + methods[parseInt(Math.random() * methods.length)];
}

Don't reuse your fixtures!

Each test case should be isolated. Don't ever think just because some function requires a similar input, it's safe to reuse it ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Why? Because someday, you want to change one functionality of one unit.

And you adapt your tests, fix your code, and suddenly, by changing one fixture, you break dozens if not hundreds of unrelated tests and now you have to clean up that mess.

It's even worse for functional tests with all those interwoven parts so that it becomes hard to reason about the scope of your tests when lacking proper documentation.

How I know? BECAUSE I AM CLEANING UP YOUR MESS RIGHT NOW!

I want to waste these motherfuckers trying to come up with most cringe clickbaity titled articles. At least I want to break their kneecaps...

"You’re Using ChatGPT Wrong! Here’s How to Be Ahead of 99% of ChatGPT Users"

No, I am not you fucking imbecile.

So I just had a bit of a shower thought. Suppose you could get the linguists to break a language down and define all the rules that make up that language as if it were a protocol - exceptions included. If you get an arbitrary string of text, could you match against those rules, then break that down to the information it contains, and use that information against a new rule set to construct a new valid sentence containing the same information. Would you just have made the ultimate translator?

PM wrote a really high-level requirement doc and asked me about estimates.

Me: Well, functionality-wise it will take 4-5 days provided the design is ready.

PM: Our designers are really full on schedule; Just do it! Expand your creativity. I believe in your taste of UX

Me: Listen, the implemented design will take much more time to change if we go back and forth. It's better to revise on the designer's screen.

PM: Oh don't be so modest! I trust you already. Just focus on the functionality, get it done first. For the design we'll talk about it later. Move fast and break things!

Me: ..Sigh. This is gonna end up badly.

Me: *holy shit there's a lot of code in this template file, I should probably break it up I to components*

*goes through the effort to break everything up into component parts*

Me: *i should quit being lazy and actually register all my templates the way magento wants me to*

*5 hrs later*

Me: fuck this! *<?php include ...?>*

I was a Project Manager, studied my a$$ off at 38 to become a mobile developer. Built production apps in Java, React Native. I've studied Kotlin and Flutter. Then my company almost went belly up and I had to scramble to find a job to support my family. Back to being a PM which I hate. Started with Swift because my son is old enough to play with Swift Playgrounds and thinking about making a break back into dev. Every post I see on Twitter is about Flutter, maybe RN, but not much Native iOS. Is it wrong that I'm loving it thus far? What's the future for Native iOS and Android developers?

You can't break into what isn't turned on. We can now scale the admin interface down to zero nodes and spin it up on demand.

Let's Americanize idioms:
1. Break the ice — Open the wallet
2. Bite the bullet — Pay the price
3. Hit the nail on the head — Count the exact change
4. Let the cat out of the bag — Drop a dime
5. Piece of cake — Easy money
6. Costs an arm and a leg — Break the bank
7. Under the weather — In the red
8. The ball is in your court — The check is in your hands
9. Burn the midnight oil — Spend the last dollar
10. Hit the sack — Cash in for the night
11. Barking up the wrong tree — Investing in a bad stock
12. When pigs fly — When money grows on trees
13. Kick the bucket — Cash out
14. Spill the beans — Drop a coin
15. Break a leg — Make a fortune
16. Pull someone's leg — Shortchange someone
17. Once in a blue moon — Once in a financial windfall
18. A blessing in disguise — A hidden treasure
19. The best of both worlds — A double dividend
20. Caught between a rock and a hard place — Between a loan and a hard debt

Decided to return to writing again and take yet another break from coding and decided to restart my book that I'm working on...

I swear coming up with variable names is fucking easier than working on the first chapter .-.

Voice in my head: You should do something good this weekend.
My body: Yeah let's code up a community fostering app for the neighborhood.....

Two Nights later:
Amidst a half empty bottle of Jack ...
Voice in my head: dude why isn't this shit working, you've done this billions of times.
My body: It's your fault...time to drink you away.

And like that,
At the break of day,
A hungover and glazed developer,
Debugged! as they say.
Community app launched
On memorial holiday,

I was happily folowing a tutorial earlier on setting up an email server but the site got taken down for maintenance just as I reached the last step...

IT'S BEEN 6 HOURS NOW AND IT'S STILL NOT BACK UP.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING AND I'M GOING TO BREAK SOMETHING AND BE SAD.

I can't for the life of me believe how anybody and fuck up a library so bad.

It's easily over a decade old and one of the core groups of libraries we use.

The abstractions suck so bad it's a pain trying to get anything to work.

What's worse is there's no future for it. Nobody dares to refactor this or some shit in a 20yo system might break. Fml

Got tangled up on some routing issue with my Rails project yesterday morning so I democratically decided I was allowed to take a break... I launched Diablo 3 and that was the rest of the day...

I just sat there dungeon crawling, eating pizza, ice cream and drinking Monster like a fucking pig... Shame on me.

Aaron, seriously. Stop wading into our team uninvited, coming in with your "superior experience", mouthing off about how we need to be doing everything differently because our current code makes no sense, making a few PRs that break everything, then complaining we're just incompetent and don't understand when everyone rejects them.

If there's one thing that hacks me off the most, it's people like this wading in uninvited, pretending they're being really helpful in coaching us in the "one true way" to do development, screwing everything up, then buggering off again while boasting to upper management that "thank goodness I got there when I did, or that team would be royally screwed."

Stop fucking with the numbers.
A number is a number, integer or float.
Just because you wanted your stupid decimal place doesn't mean you need to fuck things up and make the front-end break because now its sending a string the server instead of a float. For fuck sakes. How long have we been doing this?

Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating it. I sincerely hope each of you has someone to cozy up this festive season. Remember and share all the good stories that happened this year, all the sores that hurt you back then but turned out well in the end. Share your plans, hopes and dreams to achieve next year.

Be it a friend, a family, a significant other or your neighbour. Cozy up and enjoy. After all this hard year you've all deserved it.

[don't try to trick yourself that you're better off alone. We both know it's not true]

After a long break I'm having a white Christmas this year. That and my kiddo stepping his first steps, apartment nearly done and a huge christmas tree in one of the rooms, and the fact that I've finaly 100% nailed my gift for my wife [never ever has this happened bfore! Can't wait to see her face in the morning :) ] -- I'm full of Christmas spirit this year!

I wish you all have a great holiday!

Day 2 of devWholesome...

Have another great day! Have fun and do something productive! It is always a great feeling when you finish something that requires a lot of time and effort. Finish that project that you started but never finished, clean your room, or maybe just catch up on school work! Make sure you are also taking care of yourself with your hygiene and to eat all your meals and drink plenty of water. If you are feeling stressed today, take a break and relax! And again, make the most out of your day!

Imagine being the kind of officious prick who turns up to a bootcamp graduation evening and goes to each table in turn, condescending the graduate projects and telling them everything that they did wrong?
Imagine proceeding to try and 'break' one of the demonstration projects by 'injecting SQL into the url bar', and smashing the keyboard so fucking hard that the table collapses, beer spills over both demo laptops, and destroys them totally.

Imagine.

What's wrong with Mozilla?!

Savvy webdevs use link preloading to break up dependency chains for late discovered resources, and users like the faster loading as result. Firefox 56 started supporting that two and a half years ago. Turned out they had screwed up and it didn't work with non-cacheable resources. So Mozilla "fixed" that by disabling the feature altogether behind some config flag.

And they left it at that - still not supported. They even had patches, but decided not to merge them and instead try something different, some day.

Is Firefox becoming the new IE or what?

I feel like they should break DevRant up into categories based on post content, and in order to get between categories you should have to navigate to the other directory with a linux command line interface

!dev

Fuck I woke up understanding that it's Monday but it's Sunday, for the first time I was having such a romantic dream, it soothe me soo much, calmed me so much, put me off the problems...

I used to think having is a distraction but after this dream I am proved so wrong which I hate.

It was damn bad idea to break up in the first place

Most hours of work at once?
A coworker and I did an allnighter because our boss gave us a tight fucking deadline (luckily that almost never happens).
We started normal work at 06:30 and were finisted at 09:30 the next day. Summed up break time: 1h 15m.
I remember that my coworker went home after that but fell asleep in the train and woke up 2 hours later half across the country. Poor soul.
When he left, my boss just arrived in the office and I had to stay 2 hours longer to fix bugs we implemented during our caffeine overdose...

It later turned out that the whole mess was useless, because the client put the project on hold. That was about 8 months ago, or 12, I don't even remember.

After a rough exit from one company, I was diverted into Ops just to continue to have food on the table and keeping the lights on. This, over time, unfortunately made me more or less unemployable as a dev again. Got stuck in that place 13 years doing almost no professional coding.

During the last 5 years I took courses, got side jobs writing articles and tutorials, went to interviews and generally worked hard to get the fuck out of ops and into development again.

After getting to choose between level 1 customer support and quitting in a re-org, I quit without having a new gig. I got a lucky break through someone I'd worked with earlier to start a junior position working on some legacy systems with legacy tech.

After all that work late nights churning away using up my passion for coding, I now can't make my self pick up even Advent of code or Hacktoberfest... My passion is dead... I hope I get it back, but for now I fill my spare time with my guitar...

if i work on PussyBranch to build up a feature, and DickBranch is my main branch so if i merge directly from Pussy into Dick and then work on Dick, and then switch to Pussy again then surely i wouldnt be able to commit to Dick because Pussy isn't filled up with the new code, right? I'd need to pull the latest code from Dick into Pussy branch. but what if i dont want to merge Dick into Pussy code? because what Dick contains, Pussy should not and that would cause anomaly and break uhh how do u call it, the purpose of the branch itself right. So if I want to work only on Pussy and commit just that segment of the new code into Dick, how do I do that? Do i have to force pushing Pussy code into Dick every time or can i do it without force command? serious answers only pls

also what alcohol is good for a more productive and longer hour coding sessions thx

Why do tech impaired people always break their tech and they have "no idea" how it broke...
Seriously? What did you do? You know what you were doing? Were you touching random setting again? For fuck sakes just tell me. You've fucking it up 3 times this week already it's not like I don't know your an incompetent prick.

People at work found out Teams in a nightmare and really screws with your normal email address processing. They also found out it isn't free with the shit tier of Office (or wherever it is bundled). So for everyone but sales there is no Teams. Whew... However, for the tech dudes: electrical and software we made a custom Discord server. Of course my avatar is "trolling DiCaprio".

Some technical and some not work stuff has gone on with this server. Kind of gives the tech people a place to talk and joke.

devdude: Apologies that I saw this (some question I had) too late to prevent you from walking upstairs.
me: oh, the exercise trauma!
devdude: it's 2024 and we still have to walk up and down stairs
me: I was expecting flying chairs like on Wall-E
devdude: Me too! that's why I put on this much weight so I can be prepared for when the chair finally is here.
me: That is the exact opposite of helping this tech along.

Another thing I noticed about my work place. The BMI of employees seems to increase the closer to a break room you get. The company is fond of bringing donuts periodically. Coincidence I am sure. The problem is I am right next to the break room... Yes, my BMI went up a bit when I moved to my new desk. Before I was much further away. Now I am on a low carb diet. I am going to break the stats damn it!

Switching ISPs is like breaking up with somebody. You have to break the bad news to them, they ask where things went wrong and if they could’ve done anything different, and then it’s all awkward when you go return their stuff...

Be me
Newb Ui dev
New job , learn c#
Become xaml pro first
Newb ui dev
Today building menu
It's breaking ree.
Ok I go through an fix
Part fixed
No reee
Commit build for other my senior dev
We have online compiler
Receive build fail
Reeee
My code is good
I'm sweating bullets
I call other dev
Yo I f***** up
Help me
Go figure it out ... reeee
I go spend 40 mins
Don't know what is killing build
Reeee intensifies.
Going to shit diamonds
Reeeeeee
Other dev, lol my bad I turned on somethin that break ur build. Your not fired congrats.
Reeeeeeeeeeeeee

At 11 pm tonight, someone from my friends group made a sudden plan of travelling 60 kms away from the city at 12 midnight. They were getting hyped up so I matched their energy and said Yes I'll go.

They all said they're going to their house and get ready and meet up in half hour at 11:30 pm.

I didn't go to my home since I was already good to go so I stayed in my building's lobby.

At 11:30 pm my head started spinning and I canceled on them and came back home, because in that half hour break they were all at their homes, I got some rest and my body took that as an indicator of being ready to go to sleep.

I can't even pull a half-nighter now, I'm getting old......sigh.

Rant!

Why enforce a 90 character limit in code file (C++)

It does not make readability any better..
you either break up functions that barely exceed the limits

or

start making nonsense variable names just because they are short.

You know you're bored when you boot up a random arch iso and just start seeing how fast you can break an install .-.

Oh great, now garbage websites can even break the browser's reload button. Wanna reload the page that never stops loading or crashes its scripts? Click the button and watch the browser do fuck all and a little bit of nothing.

Nah, you see to refresh that polished rotten turd you gotta close the tab and then restore it, and if that doesn't work open a new one and copy-paste the URL because who the fuck doesn't like some invalid state.

Can't wait for the day I have to shutdown and disconnect the battery because some idiot messed up the layout.

At home: a glass of nice single malt whiskey, headphones on with some chill background music and that's all I need.

At work: First half an hour up to one hours goes into deciding what to do / waking up and having the first 2-4 cups of coffee.

Headphones on with some chill background music and I get into the zone for a quick moment before it's lunch time and it takes up to 1h after the lunch break to get back to the zone and multiple coffee cups.

In the afternoon I usually get into the zone and real speed with my work and quite often almost forget to go home :/

I just gave a simple API which fetches recent searches by pinging an index on elasticsearch to the UI developer.
She had just one job. And ended up calling the server every time it loads on every screen thereby reaching max limit of calls per second and giving 429.

QA are not even required to break your code. UI developers are more than enough :)

I am getting hugely fucked off with the new captchas that are everywhere (well hardly new but I swear they’ve gotten worse).

I’m taking longer to do captchas now than I am to post on forums.

I want to find the guy who came up with this and break my fist off of his cunt.

Saturday morning. 10am.
Me: happily sleeping on the sofa in a friend's apartment.
Boss calls: 'oh did I wake you up? Can you please develop this mockup over the weekend?'

Being half asleep I agreed.

Well. After 7h without any break it is done. But one Saturday is lost and I'll never get it back :(

My company started to do very unethical things (or maybe even break the law – I'm no expert) in order to cover up some business people fuckups. I'm seriously considering quitting immediately even though I hoped to stay here for some time as I like the people I work with. It's those unimaginative bastards at the top that make it unbearable.

PM: Page load times are up. It might be your API blocking requests.

Me: Possible, though most of my load testing was performed against a random sample of requests at nearly 5 times the expected average per minute rate. I can add some logs but I think this is a red herring theory.

PM: Yes add logs, and New Relic and get it released ASAP.

Me: To confirm, you want me to make a bunch of diagnostic changes to a mission-critical API the day before Holiday break...

I felt like that guy from the Apollo 13 team warning Gene Kranz that the LEM was not built for this and I can make no guarantees... Released an hour before we went home for the weekend.

I'm a bit confused as to why people are re-imaging their machines from one OS to another?

Use Vagrant (or Docker) and just set up an OS in a Virtual Machine? Then if you break it you just destroy it and provision it again. You don't destroy your whole machine.

I take a break. Relax. Watch Anime, catch up with friends and sleep like a Koala. 😀✌️

I hate it when depression strikes again and it renders me useless because I can't focus here at work.

I'm spending my break time right now trying to cheer myself up by looking at some memes online.

I suddenly just want to retire.... Job just feels like never ending work.... Can't find time for a break... And well biggest fear in taking a vacation is the amount of work that piles up while I'm gone...

Maybe I suddenly just have burn out... But suddenly just going ah fck... What's the point of all this....

Sometimes wonder, if I didn't have parents around would I just quit and and just do whatever I want until I run out of money...

How many years that would take....

Our "agile" process uses one-month long sprints, ending on the last day of the month with a demo. (I'll rant some other time about non-consistent iteration lengths.)

Our sprint ends today (Monday). What was the most logical time to introduce changes that affect the architecture and break every single build? How about 4PM last Friday?

We're still waiting on the build breaker to show up while trying to figure out what the heck we can cobble together and run to show that we actually did something in the last month.

Sometimes it's fun watching new developer who don't want ur help end up writing random number generator code who he thinks works great and u break it in seconds. So much for innovation.

!rant
Health.

This is a big thing I think. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm overweight and this job keeps me at a desk for long periods of time.

I ended up with health issues from a combination of a bad diet, a staph infection years ago, and not being active. So I've made a commitment to start walking - at least a mile a day.

I'm using Pacer + Apple Health on iOS to track my progress. So far, combined with a $50 bluetooth scale I picked up on Amazon, I'm losing weight. I also noticed that when I switched my mile walk to my lunch break, I'm coming back to my work way more refreshed.

I hope to keep this up and I've found the gamification of having apps track my progress is a definite plus.

Anyone else have any healthy habits of "health hacks" they've found?

Our dev uses laravel and instead of doing a sum to get a total of a couple columns he is getting all values and manually counting them up in the php.
he keeps telling he cant improve and i cant work on his code because i know i will break the rest.
when i looked at the code i had the following feeling.

Would anyone be interested in me setting up a series of puzzles for the people here on devRant? Kind of in a Cicada 3301 fashion, but without any of the mystery around it. Just a series of puzzles that you would all unite to try and break. I'd be happy to make that, but I'd also like to have a preview of how many people would be interested in it.

Imagine an intelligent platform where creators are rewarded for launching and completing open source projects and groups of people teaming up to set up open source factories , implementing top level optimizations . There will ofcourse be judges who can earn a basic income from the platform as well . I don't want to go into too much details.

The platform could offer products as well with a modular backend . So for example this platform could have an mobile OS with a maps app on it . What the platform should do is adopt the best map algorithm to the application at certain intervals .

Product stays constant , open source power behind it changes and promotes competition .

Factories, products , space tech, open source labs which require certain reputation to get in ......

It's very ambitious but sounds like the way the future should take off . Companies and politics would be off picture down the line and maybe even terrorism will take a break . After all it's everyone together .

Oh and ofcourse it would have a search engine for sure.

I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.

It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.

OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.

But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...

You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.

when you think you're done coding and can finally start writing...
So you guys have seen my Unreal Engine adventures. I have to use a plugin for it, on top of everything, to extract some data. I've been using this plugin since ages on another pc, but now I had to set it up from scratch since this is a new project, new models, etc.
There is a new version. If I use the new one, it will break the chain which is to follow.
The old version is so legacy that the guy who wrote it does not remember how to set it up.

After hours, and tons of hacks and outcommenting stuff (there is physics involved with which I do nothing), it finally starts doing something. Finally!
Although I'm slowly loosing my sanity in the process....
Even if it now records the data, I cannot say if this is good enough or if the poses are all wonky now.

And that is my masters thesis. Submission deadline is on monday. Ha.
Ironically, since the start of this thesis, I felt like this will either make me or break me. ;D So much fun... FK

GIT LOG Volume 111
--------------------
87f995b added some filthy stuff
741e8e6 For great justice.
5c2a5bd and so the crazy refactoring process sees the sunlight after some months in the dark!
8c9ce70 Pig
12d414b extra debug for stuff module
6d2a886 And a commit that I don't know the reason of...
5e4e815 a few bits tried to escape, but we caught them
b9ea370 WTF is this.
f1c6250 Another bug bites the dust
78e89ff Spinning up the hamster...
8358fec Whee.
3781dd7 This will definitely break in 2032 (TODO)
d11b24d Refactor factories, revisit visitors
53ebbd8 Who knows WTF?!
ba9813f really ignore ignored worsd
1ba7d4b RANDAL SUCKS
414a0c2 buenas those-things.

FUCK YOU VODAFONE!

My internet broke down the weekend, 4 minutes after I left my house on Friday at 9.04am.

Issue resolved after work at 9pm, broke down half an hour later.

Total silence. Providers status page gave 500 response.

THE NEXT DAY: Woke up because Netflix was working at 8.26am again.

Great, I get up. Can't wait to do anything I want again! I can code, game, watch porn, possibilities are endless!

I get stuff to breakfast. Come back and guess what? NO INTERNET!

Got confirmation of existence of problems at noon. Something with streaming, possibly fixed by Monday.

Okay maybe streaming, but shouldn't the other stuff then work? I process.

Used up my mobile data. Tried again, now it works, but...
.. why.. so.. slow? It was worse than 3g. Time to get out lynx to Google.

It's Sunday. I woke up pissed, got myself a Coffee and tried to get some offline work done. I sipped, closed my eyes for a moment and opened chrome.

IT WORKED! omg, fuck yes! I almost cried I was that happy - can you believe it?

All fine an dandy Monday. So surely the streaming thing will also be gone now, cool.

Today's day is Tuesday. Guess why I am writing this.

Fuck these apprentice nigga cunts graaaaa!!! Or their infrastructure will finally break down.

How is it even possible to do any work on a very important node at a time where probably everyone wants to chill out with the web?

Convo b/w female software engineer and her boyfriend;
him-Hey babe
her-Hello world;
him-??
her-Ohh no, I meant to say hy babe, actually u r my whole world;
him-Ooo pls!...wt were u dnh anyways?
her-been doing coding for last 12 hrs with boss;
him-gosh!! ...did u eat?
her-0;
him-??
her- I mean false;
him-false?
her-sorry , I meant no;
him-ur mom called , so call her
her-mom();
him-WTF?????
her-I will call her...dont worry;
him-I think u should rest for a while
her-while(project!=over) {work();}
him-U r enjoying this...irritating me...aren't u?
her-what? :)
him-When will u come home?
her-if(boss==leaves){cout<<"soon"<<endl;}
him-Now its too much...its really annoying...are u getting me? Have u lost ur mind?
her-ERROR 404....mind not found!
him-u do realise...I m not getting any of ur jokes
her-JokeOutOfBoundException
him-Are u drunk? How many eyes do I have?
her-1
him-Idiot , I have 2 eyes
her-oh sorry I counted from 0
him-i think we should break up
her-oh no!!, dont break; continue;
him-thats it, urBF.exit()
her-No wait..... ; is imp , write like....urBF.exit();

devRant suggestion: Comment Bump. Bump up the comments on a rant, the ones with most upvotes get bumped up to the top. Possible pitfalls, where comments have replies which could break the order and make no sense. I guess I just talked myself out of that one. Meh.

I was 4 when I was allowed at school to be on the single computer in reception. It came to break time the teachers just left me on it.

I think that’s because when my brother was kicked off 2 years prior (similar situation) he kicked up the biggest fuss possible so when it came to my first time they just went “nope not touching that”

And then a programmer was born

Everytime I consult with senior devs on how to transition from my sysadmin job and get my first dev job they always tell me to get a CS degree.

Look. I will get that fucking degree eventually. But I want to build up dev skills and learn from a company before killing myself over math crap for 3 years. But it's like a vicious cycle. Every junior position I apply to rejects me because I have no degree.

I'm fucking frustrated and depressed.
What should I do? I want to break from the IT meme and get a dev job.

In the meantime I'm doing small projects and freelancing in my very little free time. But I feel I'll never truly be a developer until I work as one professionally.