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Search - "how the hell"
- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..37
How I've decided to answer the "can you hack" question from here on in...
"Can you show me how to hack this account please?"
"Sure, you'll need a hammer, a blow torch, chloroform, some pliers and couple of bottles of really pure vodka!"
"What the hell?!"
"Oh, it's so much quicker to just extract a password from a person, than it is to break into a system, I'm not exactly trained in inflicting pain on the human body, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out through trial and error, good luck!"16
Owner of company I freelance for: I need you to find out what CMS [website] is running in.
Me: It's running in Drupal
Owner: Prove to me that it's running in Drupal, because she's saying you're wrong.
Me: Who the hell is "she"?
Owner: The boss over at [PR Company we do work for]
Me: Is she a developer?
Owner: No, of course not. She barely knows how to run a computer.
Me: Then tell I said it's running in Drupal, and if she wants proof, tell her I'm the developer she has begged to fix two other failing projects and I have delivered both times ahead of schedule.
Owner: If you don't show me proof, I'll fire you. I don't need attitude from my employees.
Me: A.) I'm not your employee, you are my client. I don't clock in for you and you don't withhold taxes from my pay. B.) If that's how you want to be, tell her to use terminal and cURL the website for the response header, as well as cross-reference folder structure for CSS/JS file inclusion to show it's running in Drupal.
Owner: What the fuck is terminal?
Me: If you don't know what terminal is, neither will she, meaning you have no business telling me how to do my job. Stick with assigning me tasks and let me use my expertise to get them done. Micromanaging need not apply here, mmm'kay pumpkin?
Owner: You sure are grouchy today.
I am so sick and tired of hearing "I'm not good with computers" from these god damn secretaries I have to work with.
Fuck you! I mean, seriously, FUCK YOU! That God damn piece of shit Windows XP door stop has been on your desk for at LEAST a decade (shit, I think that was the same PC my highschool had, and I'm in my mid thirties)!
What in the FUCK do you mean you don't know the difference between files and folder? How? HOW can you stare at that damn screen every fucking work day off your life and not grasp simple concepts!
And FUCK THE ADMINISTRATION for hiring these volunteerily ignorant babies who refuse to bother figuring out more than just where the power button is (and, fuck me, even THAT took years).
Fuck me if, after spending 40 God damn minutes of my time trying to guide some secretary, who's been working twice as long as I have and making probably twice as much, on how to copy a file from one folder to another, I have to listen to some fucking pity speech "I just don't get this high tech computer stuff. I'm just too old"
And FUCK society for allowing this fucking behavior! I don't know any other piece of technology where people are happy being so blindly ignorant to even the basics! I don't know Jack shit about the internal working of a car, but I know where and how to use my steering wheel and peddles and that I need to take the thing for an oil change. Hell, I even know when my tires look bad... If I can do that, you can fucking learn how to copy a god damn file without needing me to help you... FOR A FUCKING HOUR!
*Takes a deep breath*
So... How was your day?29
So I learned something today. Always disable guest sessions in your Linux machine in a work environment.
Walked away from my pc to talk to a fellow Linux engineer.
Came back to a screen with pornhub and porn playing.
"wait how the hell? I locked my pc...?!?"
"ever heard of guest sessions mate? 😆"
*silently disables guest sessions*
Well okay learned that one the hard way 😅31
"It's simple, it shouldn't take you more than five minutes."
How in Mary's STD-ridden "virgin" cunt would you fucking know that? Why did you come to me? Because you don't know how the hell these problems are even solved — yet you know exactly how long it'll take me?
Do I tell you how long it'll take you to suck off fat fucks at your favourite glory hole? Subtle hint: No, because I don't know and I'm not your fucking pimp, you moldy piece of shit!
Keep your useless estimates to yourself. If you were half the man your mother is, you'd ask me whether I can do it in 5 minutes, instead of just adopting the client's opinion and wishes with a straight face, because you're afraid to say no.
It won't take 5 minutes. It will take as long as it takes plus an hour, because I don't like your fucking face anymore, and you'll pay every single cent of it. If you don't like that, consult me first next time, BEFORE telling the clients stupid fairy tales, or piss off with your idiotic estimates that you pulled out of your ass altogether.
A trusted-partner of my company obviously opened a dodgy email, as some of my co-workers got emails with a dodgy link from them....
So our Network Admin sent an email to the entire company with a screenshot of the email and a message along the lines of "DO NOT CLICK THE LINK IF YOU'VE RECEIVED THE ORIGINAL EMAIL!"
Company director REPLIES TO ALL and says 'i cant click the link that you sent to us'.
N.A replies directly to him to say its only a screenshot as it could spread a virus.
Director then informs N.A that that he has found the original mail (hurrah!) but the link downloaded an empty .zip file, so he forwarded the file to another director... who also couldn't open.... so they forwarded it to another person who also couldn't open it..... and they in turn forwarded it etc etc.
Currently have 37 power scans running (out of 250 computers) and trying to figure out how the hell these people manage to dress themselves every morning.11
This is a fun conversation I had:
Test Engineer: 😑 The test bench burst into flames.
Me: 😪😲 Do what now?
TE: 😐 The test bench burst into flames. It made a pretty impressive fire ball.
Me: 😮 . . . How are you so calm about this?
TE: 😐 Well it's not on fire now.
Me: 😶 Good point.
TE:😧 made me mad as hell though.
Me: 😕 why's that?
TE: 😬 Cuz I only had one damn step left in that test procedure and it was to turn the damn test bench off.
Me: 🤔 Correct me if I'm wrong but the test bench is off is it not?
TE: 😐 Well yeah.
Me: 🤔 and you caused it to be turned off by your actions no?
TE: 😕 . . . yeah . . .
Me:🤔 sounds like you turned it off to me.
TE: 😐 but it won't turn on again.
Me: 🤔 do you have a requirement to be able to turn it on again after you turn it off?
TE: 😑 It's implied.
Me: 😐 not what I asked
TE: 😧 No not explicitly.
Me: 😎 sounds like you completed the test procedure.
TE: 😧 that's not how it works.
Me: 😎 doesn't it?
TE: 😑 No.
TE: *walks away* 😧😧😧
Me: *turns back to computer* well I was just trying to help YOU out 😒
I am the best at interpersonal communication.18
So I recently bought my first house (yay!).
Whilst doing the initial viewings I saw the below on the backyard and thought "hey that's neat, I can leave a key in there for when I come in late and my fiancée is asleep.
Fast forward to moving in day and the previous owners hand me the keys so I ask "oh yeah, what's the code for the keysafe" and he just looks at me completely blank, so I'm just like "the box on the wall out back" and he's just like "oh! So that's what that is. No we've never had the code for that, bye."
Being a pen tester I'm just stood there dumbfounded thinking "How the hell can you have a locked box attached to your house and not want to know what is inside!"
Anyway, that brings us to now where I'm stood outside in December on a Sunday morning brute forcing my way into my own keysafe.
I wish this didn't run so many parallels with my work life 😂58
I'm assuming this is a repost. But regardless, how the hell have I never seen this before?!
This is the best desktop ever!!19
Me: *uses HashMap* for a problem to count some elements*
Lecturer: why are you using HashMap?
Me: it's the best way of solving the problem
Lecturer: I haven't explicitly taught you what a HashMap is so why are you using it?
Me: Because I learn outside of what university teaches me
Lecturer: there's another way to do this
Me: enlighten me
Lecturer: iterate through the array using a nested for loop and count as you go along
Me: why the hell would I want to do that? That literally decreases the efficiency of my program by alot
GG lecturer telling me it's a better idea of making my O(n) runtime into an O(n^2) instead of complimenting my code.
Seriously what the fuck is up with the fucking education system. Since when was it okay to teach students how to completely fuck your code up and promote ways of making your code so inefficient?33
| This will be wra|
| This will be wra|
what the f..
sudo sublime /opt/htdocs/learning_css/wrapping_text.html
o.O but my code ....it's here.....but why wasn't it showing....
*just to be safe*
| This will be wra|
meh..... what was I thinking
*wastes time restarting xampp*
*searches CSS everywhere*
*steals working code*
*eyes red as hell*
*it's 3 am*
| This will be |
| wrapped |
*blinking in confusion*
what the .... how did it work....
I changed nothing.....
A: "You write code? Can you fix my computer?"
M: "No, that's not how it works, bud"
A: "Why? It's both computer stuff."
M: *points to the greasy tire shop* "Let's go get your car painted there*
A: "Hell no"
M: "Why? It's both car stuff."
This was at my previous and last internship. At previous ones i never got serious tasks so i was pretty used to that but one day my guider (lead backend programmer) called me over to help him out with a server issue (in all seriousness he said that i was probably the best Linux guy at that company at that moment). So i fixed it quickly and just out of curiousity i asked what kinda server it was and how many visitors it got monthly!
"it's a prod server and about one million at least i think"
I was just standing there for a minute and then asked why the hell he let me, an intern, work on that to which he replied: because you know what the fuck you're doing. I think I succeeded in hiding the tears of happiness that came up at that moment :) i fucking miss that place.15
You know what? I'm fucking done with people telling me that open source alternatives to popular/proprietary suck by default.
Something does NOT suck by default just because it's FUCKING open source.
Have you got any fucking clue where we'd be right now if open source software didn't exist?!
Let me just remind you that about 80 percent of the worlds' servers run Linux. Open-FUCKING-source.
How the fuck are we supposed to innovate without open sourceness? Yes indeed, that would be about fucking impossible.
Although I've got to admit that some open source software programs don't work 100 well (in comparison to alternatives), what are you expecting? People put their free time into that shit and they've got to make money as well.
"well how are programmers supposed to feed their families if they only write open source software?"
Fuck right off. Of course we all need an income to survive. Hell, I need that as fucking well. But there's more to it than just work. Some people consider open source/working on open source software a hobby/passion. That doesn't even remotely mean thaty they don't work/don't need some kind of income.
If it wasn't for open source, we'd be nowhere (technologially seeing) right now.47
At our first programming course at uni (it was in C), a student asks in class:
Student: what is a pointer?
Teacher: i don't know, i only know Java.
How the hell did the poor guy end up teaching C then?!8
Yes, yes, I get it you've studied computer science when you stiil were a young dinosaur, but fuck me in the armpit, if putting a PHP tag into a WordPress post field and expecting it to render isn't the dumbest thing I've seen in fucking ten years. Tip: if it's too dangerous even for WordPress, you're definitely doing something wrong.
And you're not a computer scientist, you're a fucking tool. You shouldn't even be near a computer, unless it's a freaking pacemaker. Get a book, preferably on PHP7 and NGINX not "PHP 3 for braindamaged fuckwits" and shut the hell up, while I'm explaining how to use your fucking website, because if you fucking call and ask me later, I'm definitely gonna tell you that such a strapping young programmer like yourself should be able to figure it out on his own.
There is a special place in hell for all those fucking morons who refuse to understand that there is no plural for the word 'code' you're referring to when talking about instructions for computers and machines.
It's code, NOT codes NOR codez, it's CODE, you stupid fucking wankers!
Goddamn, how I hate you intelligence allergic fuckwits.30
This is just my token of appreciation for the Skype devs. Can't begin to say how much I hate it. Your android app is a joke even after a host of updates, your desktop client is an even bigger joke (atleast Linux Beta version, I know betas aren't supposed to be stable but this is ridiculous).
You have reinvented chat clients to be extremely bulky, cumbersome and very hard to sync across devices. And you have managed to make it "buffer" more than a YouTube video does on a 2G network. I for one, am blown over by how you did that. And to top it all, you can't close the client on Linux atleast! All you did is just override the close button so that it only minimises it. Brilliant piece of work right there!
Why the hell can't you just close the client and run it in the background the proper way like everyone else does? Why does it have to take 20 *** seconds to open a message? The only reason I am stuck with this is some wierdos in the office still only use this. Get your shit together 😡
Ahh.. I feel much better now.21
"Can you make it pop more..."
A moment of silence please, for the same fucking, irritating word that every goddamn Joe, Jim and Jenny uses for describing how a site should look. What the hell is pop supposed to mean, you want an epilepsy warning I'll put some popping lights and nausea inducing Nyan cats across your screen. You want it to pop more, sure no problem...
There's a window over there, go fucking throw your PC out of it.12
Started using longer passphrases for logins, colleague starts to tell people I'm doing bad things because"no one needs a password that long"
I get reprimanded by my boss
How the hell does this even happen smh23
So we had this girl working with us as a graphic designer, she has a great sense of humor and pretty much impossible to piss her off
So April 1st is considered "a fool's day" here, on March 31 i sent an official looking email to everyone ( minus the seniors ) in our office saying how she's kinda shy about having her birthday on April 1st and everyone should wish her so she wouldn't feel awkward about it
Needless to say her actual birthday is not in April
So when she came to office on 1st, everyone started wishing her and singing Happy Birthday, she spent whole day explaining to everyone that came to wish
It was awkward as hell and pretty hilarious 😂😂10
NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT EVERYWHERE BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO WROTE CODE FOR UX NOW THINK THEY KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN ON THE SERVERSIDE!!
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I HATE THIS ANALTOY OF A LANGUAGE.
WELL FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL, YOU ARE NOT A DEVELOPER IN MY EYES, GO HOME KIDDO, LEARN C OR ASM OR HOW A FUCKING COMPUTER ACTUALLY WORKS!!
drunk me: "let's just code a bit right before going to bed!"
*codes and then goes to bed*
sober me: "when and what did i do here?"
also sober me: "how the hell does this work?!"9
I assume the post man is gonna deepthroat me after offering me cocaine and buying me flowers?
HOW THE FUCK CAN SHIPPING A MOTHERWHORING BAND SHIRT BE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN THE FUCKING SHIRT ITSELF?
I'd accept that, if I had a cosy little cottage on top of the Mount Everest you'd had to climb personally to deliver the package, but fucking hell, you're practically just having the goddamn thing thrown into a plane.
Here, take this 12 liter glass bottle I took the liberty of breaking off the at the bottleneck and have a literal ring around the rosey with it thoroughly fucking yourself until you hit your sodding livers, you worthless, greedy, stinking fucks!20
So today I got removed from my freelance project because the client found out I listen to slipknot! What the actual FUCK? How the FUCK does it matter what I listen to?
And that cunt eater isn't willing to pay for the work I've already completed since "Slipknot is anti-Christian".
Burn in hell you piece of shit.21
FUCK YOU PHP!!!! FUCKING HELL JUST FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
8 GOD FORSAKEN HOURS SPENT TRYING TO ZIP SOME SHITTY FUCKING FILES IN A FOLDER ON MY WEB SERVER TO HAVE THEM DOWNLOADED TO MY CLIENT COMPUTER.... 8 HOURS UNABLE TO OPEN THE DAMN FILE AND THE ISSUE WAS "echo" & "print_r()" STATEMENTS GETTING TRAPPED IN MY ZIPARCHIVE BUFFER MAKING THE ZIP FILE A GIANT PILE OF UNREADABLE SHIT.
HOW IN GODS NAME WERE THOSE FUCKERS EVEN BEING ADDED TO THE ZIP FILE.
Fucking hell. Time to sleep.10
I waited until yesterday evening to watch the livestream capture from our creators.
Was expecting something like them being bought by MS or Google or whatever due to how good this awesome network is doing/growing.
As so, i was mentally preparing for a goodbye (the second this data gets into the hands of a data hogging company I'm fucking out (as in, the one who owns the databases)) and then I started watching the livestream.
"aaand here it issssss!!"
Well that was one hell of a relief!14
So I heard (a while ago) from one of my teachers at my previous study that they're waiting for the new european data protection laws to kick in so that they'll be able to start using Google for everything.
That would mean that every student is required to have a (school/school domain though) Google account.
"The data will remain in this country"
Yeah fuck off I'm not going to believe google on it's 'blue eyes'.
It's sad how an educational institution can force their students into a mass surveillance network. Really makes me angry as hell.
Luckily I got out before they're going to implement this.28
Dear, Random guy that I wrote you an answer on StackOverflow.
I spent 15 minutes GOOGLING the issue for you because you either were fucking lazy or don't know how to use Google.
I wrote an answer for you on your shitty question with -2 rep explaining how to solve the issue and you just replied thanks and didn't even bother to either upvote or accept my answer. Not only did I solve your question I did it to bloody help you and here you are with your attitude not accepting my answer, and replying with thanks that i feel like you didn't care for me writing your answer. You can bloody hell burn in hell. I hope there is a special place for you and people like you that magically go missing and never come back17
About 20ish years ago I was working in IT, and it was about around this time where CD-Roms were hitting the stores and becoming the newest craze. However, Microsoft did not write the drivers correctly for this new hardware.
In a nutshell, the driver would be installed and the user would lose the sound to their speaker.
How did this happen? By altering the way the interrupts worked on the computer. At the time there only existed a few unreserved IRQs or Interrupt ReQuests. The installer package would redirect IRQ 5 which is "User Selectable (Sound Cards)" to work with the CD-Rom. This was fine and all unless you wanted to listen to your speakers.
I had come up with a clever hack through rewriting a config file that would be run during bootup. So at the time of boot up IRQ 5 would be dedicated to the sound card, and IRQ7 (which was usually for the Lpt1 Printer) would be dedicated to the CD-Rom. This worked.
And because I was IT at the time, I would get a lot of calls for fixing this problem.
So, as you can imagine, I've gotten **really** good at doing this. I didn't even need to be at a computer to walk someone through the problem.
I receive a call one day, it was a problem with the CD-Rom and sound card. I walk him through the problem and he reboots his computer. I could hear him on the other side jumping with joy when he was able to put in his music CD and hear sound coming from the speakers.
He asks me, how in the hell did you figure this out!? You're a fucking Genius!
And I said, It's not rocket science it's just a computer.
There was a long pause of silence.
Uhhh... Hello? Did I say something wrong?
Sir, I work at NASA I deal with Rocket Science on a daily basis.5
Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!
Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!
New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.
FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2
HO. LY. SHIT.
So this gig I got myself into, they have a whitelist of IP addresses that are allowed to access their web server. It's work-at-home. We just got a new internet provider, and it looks like I get a different public IP address everytime I disconnect and connect to the WIFI. And since it looks like the way they work on their codebase is that you either edit the files right on the server or you download the files that you need to work on, make the changes, and then re-upload the file back to the server and refresh the website to see the changes, now I can't access the server because I get different IP addresses. And it's highly inconvenient to keep emailing them to add IP addresses to the whitelist.
No source control, just straight-up download/upload from/to the server. Like, srsly. So that also means debugging is extremely hard for me because one, they use ColdFusion and I've never used that shit before and two, how the hell do you debug with this style of work?
I just started this last Tuesday, and I already want to call it quits. This is just a pain in the ass and not worth my time. I'll be glad to just go back to driving Lyft/Uber to make money while I look for a full-time, PROPER job.
By the way, can I do that to a contracting job? Just call it quits when you haven't even finished your first task? How does this work?17
Oh teh noes! I best 'repaire' my phone as the battery is severely damaged! Who the hell even does this crap. Shame on them. Like how they used the Android alert UI when they can clearly detect that I'm using an iPhone.10
Me: So here's the completed website.
Client: *goes to Google and searches for media agencies india* What the hell is this ? I was told that my name would come on the first page in Google.
Me: Sir, we had quoted to build SEO friendly pages and not for doing SEO.
Client: This is fraud. How the hell could you cheat me by using these technical words. I want my name on the first page in Google.
Me: *types companyname.com in Google* Here Sir, your website is on the first page in Google.
Client: I very well know fraudsters like you. If I wouldn't have checked it then you'd have charged me for this later on. Here's your cheque.
Worst part of being a dev is handling less techy people than you 😫3
The phases of vimification
Phase 1: “da fuck is that? It looks ugly and has no way to exit it. Fuck this, back to [text editor / IDE]”
Phase 2: “damn I have to use this thing for this server. How the fuck do I do things here!?”
Phase 3: “hm. Starting to get used to it. But [text editor / IDE] is much better! Also, it’s :wq ”
Phase 4: “Plug-ins!? Neovim?!?”
Phase 5: “LEARN DEM KEYBINDINGS!!”
Phase 6: noremap <Up> <Nop>
noremap <Down> <Nop>
noremap <Left> <Nop>
noremap <Right> <Nop>
Phase 6: “Vimify the browser, vimify the terminal, VIMIFY EVERYTHING HELL YEAH”24
Long ago, like 5 years, I made an app for my EX GF in symbion to track her periods. Application predict the next date when your period will come based on her cycle.
How ever after 2 month of usage she told me that application was flashing that she is pregnant. She scared shit out of herself and made me sacred a hell as well.
Later i find out that the variable i used to store number of days between last period and current date was not capable of storing value more than 40, i don't know how, and triggers negative value to be shown.
Early days of my programming, Shit happens.10
It's so hard to pick a good variable/class name, how the hell will I be able to pick a good name for my future kid?7
Beware: this is me expressing how I feel about my programming/my skillset, and so on. It might be imposter syndrome but I am having a fucking bad episode right now and I just need to get this the fuck out.
I work at a distribution center right now. Can I provide for myself? Yes. Do I even slightly like my work? No I fucking hate it to the point. I hate going there every day, doing shit I don't like, not being able to focus on the shit I love but that's it for me for now.
In my free time I still am able to program a little but then the (I will call it imposter syndrome for now as I have no clue how to call it) imposter syndrome comes looking around the FUCKING corner.
*What the fuck are you doing? For real man, someone else could do that like way fucking better*
*Wow man your code..... there are so many people who would write that a million times better*
*You have re-written this for 10 times now. But seriously, this still sucks fucking balls*.
Fucking hell. Yes, at programming level I am still a junior, I fucking know that. But it fucking sucks feeling like anyone but you would do the shit you're making better anyways.
How fucking down can you get yourself. How bad can you make yourself feel through just a few fucking words/thoughts.
The only thing I am happy about right now is the fact that a very good friend is able to keep me at least slightly sane right now.58
I'm currently trying to get an overview of a really large and data-heavy React/Redux app, and I really hate how long it takes me to learn how other people's code works.
Skimming through dozens of files like a fucking idiot, trying to get a grip on what the fuck is happening when. The curse of inherited code littered with asynchronous requests, even though it's not that bad – everything does have it's rightful place and is neatly organized into containers, reducers, filters, etc. However, there are no comments at all and the README.md is empty.
I only do it, because I enjoy React/Redux and like both the company I work for and the people there; but fucking hell I sometimes cannot deal with the self-imposed pressure at all, even though nobody seems to expect that I'm done with it rather today than tomorrow. It's a huge code base after all and others have already given up, I'm also paid really well, but still, I thought I'd be a lot faster.
Wading through the unknown code is like a blissful annoyance, if that makes any sense at all; interesting as fuck, but very hard to see through. So I'm trapped in the limbo of being pissed off about my slow progress and the totally zen feeling of being able to do what I love doing once again.14
"Why is this not working, it was working before!!??😤"
--finally fix problem--
"How the hell was it working before??"2
Just wow. I am amazed by what just happened.
A year ago my parents decided to switch from desktop to laptop for convenience. Knowing their needs, i bought them one without an OS and installed Ubuntu 16.04 on it. The thing is that if you do a regular maintenance of the laptop once a year at their partner company, you get additional 4 years of warranty (this offer is amazing).
So today was the day I brought the laptop for this maintenance for the first time. They make you a profile on their support website where you can track shit regarding your device, super convenient. First thing I notice that the login page was not https. Awkward, but there is no sensitive data here so i let it pass. Naturally i forgot my password, so I requested a new one and guess what? I recieved it in plaintext via mail. A tech repair oriented company does this, my god.
I went there, gave them the laptop in question and got a piece of paper, where they wrote that the laptop is in their hands now, and the current physical state of the laptop, and blabla.
I got home and I read what the guy wrote among other things: THE OPERATING SYSTEM IS NOT LEGAL.
How the fuck is Ubuntu not legal??? What the fuck is this shit? I sure as hell didn't torrent it or bought a booteged copy on the streets.15
One day Bill Gates died and met god. God said "Now then, Bill, i'll show you heaven and hell and you can choose which one you want to go to. Sound good?"
"Yeah!,"replies Gates. So god takes Gates to hell first. In hell he shows him pretty maidens, beautiful landscapes and an endless supply of pop tarts. "So you like it?"he asks him. "Yeah, it's great,"Gates replies.
So god takes him to heaven. In heaven he shows him quite pretty maidens, quite beautiful landscapes and a not quite endless supply of pop tarts. "So bill have you made your choice?" "Yes, God. i want to go to hell," "OK then." And Bill Gates is whisked away to hell.
But it is not the hell he saw before. Here there are no pretty maidens, no beautiful landscapes and no pop tarts. Instead there are all the most horrible things ever. "Aaaahhhh! Where am I!"asks Gates. "In hell,"replies god. "But it's not how it was before!"cries Gates. "Aahh. That was just the demo Bill."3
Who the fuck is able to not understand the basics of git. With ten years, supposedly , of front end experience. How in the hell do you not understand version control.18
We have a little rule in our little dev team at work:
First estimate how long the project/task will take to do...
Then double it. Multiply it by 5. Raise it to the power of your birthday. Hell, just to be sure make sure to TRIPLE that figure.
That's how long we will tell our unreasonable boss it takes, because either way. We won't get enough time..3
I'm a computer sciences student, so I had to work on a group project at the end of the year. This project had a very big impact on our ratings, and many students were working really hard on it
One evening, a friend of mine knocked at my door to seek for help, she was too depressed to keep working on the project and needed to talk a little bit
After a little talk, we worked on her part of the project together. We managed to finish it just in time and send it to her teammate (they were not using git, our school never ever talked about it so they did not know what it is)
The next day was the d-day, every group had to show the teachers their projects
I arrived in a room where everyone was trying to fix the remaining bugs before their turn
And I saw my friend, almost crying. Her mate changed everything in the code we worked on and everything broke. There was not enough time to merge it again, they were stuck with a non functionnal soft
Obviously, he kept telling everybody it was her fault
Just go to hell, you fucker
I can't even understand how you did have such a stupid idea, now she needs to repeat her year because of you
Fuck you and don't ever come in my sight again, you selfish brat
Just because you know you will pass does not give you the right to fuck with another person's ratings9
Had an interview in a MNC company.
He: Propose a solution for reading huge logs file like 1 GB and parse errors with today's date.
Me: Gave two solution, one with regex and second with buffering the logs (reason: reading the entire in same shot will cause cpu spike with huge memory consumption) and I fell in love with my second approach. By the way it was on paper.
He: (Without seeing the logic) Your syntax is wrong.
Me: Got frustrated who the hell checks syntax in interview. I asked how may years of experience you have?
He: 10 years.
Me: I don't wanna continue, and I left.5
So the other day I went to Canadian Tire. There was this old lady at the cashier who was using this thing to manage the store's inventory or something. The question is: How the hell does this thing even connect to CT's network 😐7
Best coworker? My boss. Insane poker face skill level. I once saw him get too many pickles on a sandwich, and it was the same face he made when I fucked up DNS and brought company email down for 3 hours. I don't know how he does it, but he can navigate any bullshit political scenario with ease, and still duck out a couple hours early without catching any hell. Neither C-level nor catastrophe can shake his resolve. The man is a stone.3
A Monday morning poem
I enter the bureau, feeling all relaxed and well,
my colleague looks up:
"Abandon all hope, welcome to hell."
This indeed, he doesn't say,
his face only twists a little in dismay:
"I need that schematic, did you finish it yet?
And there also some tests I'd like to get -
how was your week-end by the way?"
I start my computer, don't remember what I say ...
I grab some coffee, half a day is gone,
the PM pressures: "I want that asap done!"
I am cluttered in tasks and bullshit, too:
"Go fuck you right now - yes, I meant you!"
I don't say what I like to, I mentally punch a wall,
I crank some more code out and git-commit it all.
Some devRant on the lunch-break, some shallow talk,
I leave the building and take a short walk.
My mind rotates, I cannot enjoy the scenery now,
I return to my desk, and figure out what to handle and how.
But my plans are crashed by a colleague dashing in:
"I need you to do a test setup! I need to begin -"
I do the setup, I do some other stuff,
At the end of the day I feel totally rough,
Work is piling up even more -
"Tomorrow", I think and close the door.
At home, I just flop on on my bed -
I should be learning instead ... -
with some pizza and chill.
I think about sleeping, I hope that I will.
It is now Friday,
my brain is fried, too.
I am finished with this poem - how about you? :)9
Today was the day it happened.
"how hard would it be to make a website?" ignoring the fact that the difficulty of learning something isn't easily quantified I played along: "for me or you?"
"for me," he responded. "What experience do you have?" "I programmed in Notepad." "What did you make?" He responded, "I copied the HDMIL code from a website. It has an orange background and stuff." "So none." "Sure." 😒
"So how about you? How much would you charge and how hard would it be?" "I don't even know what you need, all you've said is that it is a website for a small business." Some conversation later: "Basically it would be Amazon. But not."
At this point I am pissed. "So how hard would it be?" told him it would be impossible, finally be dropped it.
Like Amazon, but not. Ok so you think that you, with no programming experience whatsoever can just make Amazon real quick, and then you think I can? What? WHAT? How much would the site cost? Idk 15k? "oh." yeah "oh" websites aren't cheap to make, and if it was Amazon it sure as hell would be much much more than 15k. Another thing, why is it so hard for people to a) understand I can't read minds, B) understand that making things takes effort and C) understand that time is necessary for projects? Let me just pull my wand out of my ass and drag and drop that entire application one giant piece at a time. Oh look, there's the admin panel piece. *places it* oh look here's the part that makes the grid of pictures of products and makes a page for each! *drags, rotates, and clicks it into the panel piece* Oh look, this can filter stuff, and this can make your website handle payments! *drags the pieces and clicks them together* All done! I just built Amazon in 2 minutes and I did it for 50 cents cause we're friends! Yay!
And Fuck you autocorrect, go kill yourself.2
So they discovered a small tiny bug in a thing anyone last touched about 3 months ago. It has been there for at least 6 months, and JUST NOW someone noticed it. But OF COURSE that bug is important enough to have me drop FUCKING EVERYTHING that I'm doing, despite us being very short on time already!
Fucking hell, if nobody noticed that shitty little crap bug the past 6 months how can it possibly be so important. Good thing I don't have a large wooden mallet nearby.
So thanks so much for having me fix this RIGHT NOW, or rather IN THREE FUCKING HOURS or however it'll take to set up this project's dev environment... absolute horseshit.2
How can a keyboard fuck up my sound settings so badly?
I'm using the Reidea RGB keyboard and I've encountered a really weird bug where the soubd is and stays compmetely off in Windows 10 when I use the sound off key combination FN+F9. Whatever I do, tge soubd will be off and remain off ubtil.I reset the keyboard. This only happens in Steam and when setting the sound (volume up, volume down or toggling sound on/off).
I'm.not using the driver, because I don't have a CD drive, but nevertheless, how the hell can this even happen? It fmdoesn't happen in Linux, I just tried it.
Freakiest bug I've ever encountered. What. The. Flying. Fuck?9
As a backend guy, I figured it was time to learn a decent frontend framework.
Let me know if you ever find one.
I'm slogging through Angular right now, and at first I thought I was just stupid, but holy hell is this some confusing asinine bullshit. The fuck is even going on up in here?
"Notice how we nested three ng-controller directives in our template". dafuq? Nesting controllers? Is this MVC on drugs?
I also like how bindings are expressed using super readable symbols like "@" and "<" and "!?" and "ಠ_ಠ".
And there's no actual API documentation for .component() that I can find anywhere, just a "Developer Guide".
I feel like frontend development is a big, rotten, maggot infested onion. Each time I pull back a layer it just gets more rotten and maggot infested. I'm scared one day I'll reach the center of this horrible onion and find a dead crow inside, upon which I will gaze in horror as it suddenly bestows upon me its dark knowledge and I become a Full Stack Developer.
Maybe I'll give React a go after all...24
why the fuck people name variables endig with numbers? why? how the hell do you even figure out what's what?
Really, I hate this composer / bower / npm shitholes!
Why the hell is my app 300MBs?!? Because that shitty pudding composer decided to download the ENTIRE git including README.md, examples, 5 hours of assembly-giraffe porn, my granny's pajamas and two wraps of kebabs!
How hard is it to define the folder that contains the REQUIRED library so that our project might stay at 5MBs instead of 300?20
Fucking retards. They make us submit 3 fully fledged fucking Android apps (with ALL the generated boilerplate crap), all zipped into one fucking folder which cannot exceed 10MB.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU DUNG-EATING PREHISTORIC APE ?! ONE PROJECT ALONE IS 60 MB, HOW IN THE MOTHER-FLIPPING HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIT 3 OF THOSE INTO 10 MEASLY MEGABYTES?!
Ever heard of git you moth-eating-cactus-fucking pricks?! Time has come to learn it !!! Private repos are a thing, you cocksuckers.
May your bed be infested with bugs and your code riddled with Greek semi-colons. Fucking dimwits.9
So I host a few mining pools and some of the stories we hear from miners can be quite interesting. One of our miners recently had his front door busted off the hinges and a drug bust team go into his house and turn the house upside down. How did they determine that he was a threat for growing illegal drugs? Well he had a high power bill because of the miners and he grows flowers and food inside of his house and that was enough for THE NYPD to get a warrant.
Now he is responsible for cleaning up the mess the police made. What scares me the most is that they are tracking soil you buy online along with high power bills. What the hell USA im a proud Canadian9
Designer Friend: Yeah, WordPress is a good tool of making website. I don't need your help next time.
Me: ... So how the hell can you setup a WordPress environment?3
OK, I've had enough of this bullshit!
Why the hell do some people pronounce 'Z' as 'C' !?!
FUCK THESE PEOPLE!
Now, you might ask yourself: "But how is this tech related?".
WELL... I was trying to get into a server and had someone spell the password for me; AND GUESS WHO MISSPELLED THE PASSWORD THREE FUCKING TIMES SO HE GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE FUCKING SERVER BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT!!!
FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK!!!!!20
So, we have a Dutch devRant meetup this weekend. Question is, how the hell will we recognize each other?
So I thought it'd be a good idea to actually post a (kind of) decent pic of myself.
I took it in the middle of the night and it's in my residence's elevator, which doesn't have great lighting.. But bear with me. This is who you'll be looking for when you're looking for me 😊33
Dear namecheap, I honestly love your service and prices but how in the hell can I see an ip address in the dig of a new domain (url shortener) which I never put or saw there and which doesn't even belong to any server I own/operate?!
DNS cache after the last chance of three days ago, nah, don't think so.
I honestly don't understand people. They are unable to understand easy to use apps when you provide clearly labeled labels yet they use apps like Snapchat which apart from being the worst designed app I have ever seen (it brings SD820 to knees) is unintuitive as hell with no difficulty. How is this even possible.
Also on a side note, go fuck yourself Snapchat. And if any of Snapchat devs are reading this: " go fucking kill yourself. You don't deserve to live after creating such a piece of shit. Even a fresh out of college intern does better job than you. You think this is good? I have never seen anything worse than it. Even fucking in-house government apps are miles better and more intuitive than you. All your ripoffs from Instagram stories to facebooks new clone and others are better than you. Whoever thinks this POS is good enough deserves to be burnt."6
Do you want to really annoy the hell out of someone?
1. JIRA account for you
2. JIRA account for the victim
3. JIRA app on victim's phone
1. Create a ticket and assign / add victim as watcher.
2. Open your favorite IDE or editor with any of your favorite projects with lots of files with minimal sizes.
3. Drag the folder and drop into JIRA ticket window.
4. Enjoy 😎
Don't ask me how I figured this out 😁6
From a design meeting yesterday:
MyBoss: "The estimate hours seem low for a project of this size. Is everything accounted for?"
WebDev1: "Yes, we feel everything for the web site is accounted for."
-- ding ding...my spidey sense goes off
Me: "What about merchandising?"
MerchDevMgr: "Our estimate pushed the hours over what the stakeholders wanted to spend. Web department nixed it to get the proposal approved."
MyBoss: "WTF!? How the hell can this project go anywhere without merchandising entering the data!?"
WebDev2: "Its fine. We'll just get the data from merchandising and enter it by hand. It will only be temporary"
Me: "Temporary for who? Are you expecting developers to validate and maintain data?"
WebDev1: "It won't be a big deal."
MyBoss: "Yes it is! When the data is wrong, who are they going to blame!?"
WebDev1: "Oh, we didn't really think of that."
MerchDevMgr: "I did, but the CEO really wants this project completed, but the Web VPs would only accept half the hours estimated."
Me: "Then you don't do it. Period. Its better to do it right the first time than half-ass. How do think the CEO will react to finding out developers are responsible for the data entry?"
MerchDevMgr: "He would be pissed."
MyBoss: "I'm not signing off on this design. You can proceed without my approval., but I'll make a note on the document as to why. If you talk to Eric and Tom about the long term implications, they'll listen. At the end of the day, the MerchVPs are responsible to the CEO."
WebDev1: "OK, great. Now, the database, it should be SQLServer ..."
I checked out after that...daydreamed I was a viking.2
yesterday: oh what the yeck? 'cd' fills your path by hitting 'tab' once? How the hell could i survive the past 6 years i've been using linux?
today: oh, what? no... it works with every command in the shell.... linux does that for you <313
My IT teacher dun goofed again.
I ranted about him before. How did he even get his A-Level?
So we worked on a simple project that involved modelling a scenario in Java. Important detail: there had to be two classes for this!
Over the vacations, our teacher got a new computer. When we finished the project and had to present it in class, he wondered why he couldn’t open the source files on his computer.
“Er Mr. Teacher, I think there’s no editor installed on this machine.” (We use Java Editor, literally the most retarded Editor ever created.)
After five minutes of searching the web, downloading and installing the program and a lot of cursing, he got an error message upon opening the Editor. “What the hell is this now?! I don’t even understand it!” - “Er, Mister teacher, it says there’s no JDK installed.” - “Now what’s a JDK, tell me if you’re all-knowing!”
I gave up at this moment. We had to present our project in Wordpad and upload and compile the stuff on an online Java Editor site. Which was a pain to use because there were TWO files that contained a class and had a relation to each other, meaning that you need the first one for the other one to work properly.
This dude gives me cancer.
Yesterday he spent half an hour trying to figure out how to access our school server.5
FOR FUCK SAKE APPLE! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU STILL IN THIS WORLD!
Was creating a signed file of the app to upload to their store and while XCode (that bitch!) was working on it, Slack, and Postman crashed!
Do I need to say why or you already knew it is because XCode ate all the RAM -.-7
Skype meeting with bosses be in the middle of the night and I'm drunk as hell.
Uh oh. This sure is fun and troublesome.
How can I be of your help, sir? (Hick)
Sure! I can (belched loudly) do that!
I'd be glad to have your help!
Went to the loo to the point, it's my chance to vomit secretly. Now's the chance to remove the toxin (my head is aching)... and felt so sad when all my food is wasted.19
Ok, so when I inherit a Wordpress site I've really stopped expecting anything sane. Examples: evidence that the Wordpress "developer" (that term is used in the loosest sense possible) has thought about his/her code or even evidence that they're not complete idiots who wish to make my life hell going forwards.
Have a look at the screen shot below - this is from the theme footer, so loaded on every page. The screenshot only shows a small part of the file. IT LITERALLY HAS 3696 lines.
Firstly, lets excuse the frankly eye watering if statement to check for the post ID. That made me face palm myself immediately.
The insanity comes for the thousands of lines of JQuery code, duplicated to hell and back that changes the color of various dividers - that are scattered throughout the site.
To make things thousands of times worse, they are ALL HANDED CODED.
When a good developer notes repetition ways to abstract crap away is the first thought that comes to mind.
Hell, when I was first learning to code god knows how long ago I always used functions to avoid repetition.
In this case, with a few seconds though this "developer" could have created a single JQuery handler and use data attributes within the HTML. Hell, as bad as that is, it's better than the monstrosity I'm looking at now.
I'm aware Wordpress is associated with bad developers due to it's low barrier to entry, but this site is something else.
The scary thing is that I know the agency that produced this. They are very large, use Wordpress exclusively and have some stupidly huge clients that would be know nationally.
Wordpress truly does attract some of the most awful "developers" and deserves it's reputation.
If you're a good developer and use Wordpress I feel sorry for you, as you're in small numbers from my experience.
Rant over, have vented a bit and feel better. Thanks Devrant.8
Honestly, I give them shit over here for their errors, their actions and the fact that they don't know what's going on. But as they've been my first programming job, they've taught me a hell of a lot.
I started my internship about a year ago at my current job, and it would last for 4 months.
I was timid, did as I was told and didn't discuss orders.
Within a week, I started voicing my opinion whenever it was asked, and I was heard, and if it gave insight, the bosses would listen to me and we'd change the product.
After two weeks, one of the bosses wanted to show me a comparable website on my pc so I could get some idea of what the bosses meant when trying to explain their idea, and after five minutes of typing on the shitty keyboard I had (shittiest in the whole office), he asked me why I didn't complain earlier. Truth was, I was afraid, he was the boss and I was just merely an employee at his company. Who was I to criticize his office materials??
He told me to follow him, we got into his car and drove off to a shopping mall, went into the tech store and he literally told me to pick whatever keyboard suited me best.
A few weeks ago, we got active noise canceling headphones, these things cost a hell of a lot of money!
My senior and my bosses have taught me that I am still an individual, still a part of the team, of the company, and of the machine, if I can't do my work, the rest will suffer.
They taught me that I am valuable, that I am not just another employee and that I need to speak up for my needs, wants and opinions.
Don't forget how valuable you are guys and gals :)8
Pattern I'm noticing...
*email* Hey, can you help me with my code, I don't know why it's not working...*end email*
no comments. if you wrote the shit and don't know what the blazes it's doing, how am i supposed to know what you broke? I'm not a mind reader, I don't know what you were thinking when you wrote the code.
true, I could go through and read it and try to figure it out, but then i'll be cranky and much less likely to want to help you in the future because you're causing unnecessary work, and part of my job is to get you ready for work environments, and I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY FUCKING POWER TO MAKE YOU THE ONE PERSON THAT EVERYONE DOESN'T HATE, BUT I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER BECAUSE YOU'RE PISSING ME THE HELL OFF.2
Why does CSS never work the way you'd expect? All I want to do is align something to the bottom of a div. No. Will not happen. You'd think it might be something simple as 'v-align' or 'align: bottom' or 'fucking put it at the bottom: now;'
No, it's never that simple. I try every result I can find from googling. Nothing. Simply does not work.
How about trying to keep a div to a square when you resize the page? That should be simple? height = width right? Fuck you. Ha hahah, no you have to implement some horrendous arcane hack involving fake elements and other bullshit.
You finally fix one thing and everything else you had working is now broken.
...and then some fuckwit comes along and goes "Oh, CSS isn't hard..." and it takes everything you have not to beat them to death with your rubber duck.
What the hell is wrong with CSS? It's not even programming! It's just pure, sadistic hell! FUCK CSS!!!!15
I spent almost 10 hours coming up with this RegEx. Trial and erroring my way to hell. First I had get rid of the HTML tags (which was easy-ish) then I spent most of my time trying to figure out how to remove the god damn dash but keep hyphenated words ....... Then I found \B and look behinds...
I am making it a point to get good at this shit... Because right now I am petrified of it... Fuck you Regular expression you have taken away all my emotions...16
For goodness fucking sake Microsoft. Stop doing everything possible to get me to use Edge Browser.
Since building my new computer I've had edge recommended in the notification center, lock screen, start screen, emails, and now on my fucking taskbar.
Seriously what the hell is wrong with them, I DONT WANT TO USE THEIR SHITTY BROWSER. I wont use their shitty browser so stop recommending it to me. I'm already invested In Google services so stop trying to push your own on me.
Honest to God what do the higher ups at Microsoft do with their time? Sit around a table figuring out how to get people to use their default apps?18
Last year I had a meeting with the newly hired Senior Graphics Designer.
She was presenting the new design of the company's website with all the features she wants.
After a few minutes, I asked her, did you design it as a responsive website?
"What is that?" She said. I said that the website should display or have atleast a design for mobile view and desktop view.
And she replied, "is that a requirement?"
Talks to myself: how the hell we hire designers like this?
PS, she earns 4x my salary6
Oh boy. Gotta love having a team member (For a School project) be in charge of the Database functionality/design, who has almost no communication skills and basically no clue about how to store data in a data base.
Im talking dates stored as varchar(5), column sizes being way way to small, overall table design being rather terrible, no primary/foreign keys, pretty much... Actually no, everything was being stored as a varchar.
Not only that, but there was a hell lot of data that needed to be stored that wasn't even accounted for in the DB design. He made some code that could be used by our team members for queries, creating tables, inserting data (etc), almost 2,000 lines of it.... And basically nothing was fucking documented at all. I'm talking comments like "Insert data into cities table" and nothing else. More complicated functions had as much, or less documentation. Complete mess.2
So I was browsing through some Redis docs and I find this. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO SPELL KOREA!!!!8
I had just started as an SDE intern, and was fiddling around with the code base.
Me: Hey, can you send me the link to our version control system?
Mentor: Umm, what!?
Me: You know, where we keep our code backup...
Mentor: Hmm, is there a need for that?
Me: Yeah, I mean, my past experience tells me to always backup code, just in case something goes wrong.
Mentor: Ohh, that's easy. I'll teach you how I do it.
So, he comes to my workplace, and does this:
1. Go to your workspace folder.
2. Right click it.
3. Zip it.
4. Open outlook.
5. Compose email.
6. Attach the zip file.
7. Mail to yourself.
8. That's how it's done!
I was like what the hell!?!?! Is this really happening?? And then he started basking in his glory, as if he had taught me some secret hack! Seeing this, I couldn't even get myself to introduce him to git. That was the worst part.8
- Let's write some code to check for memory leaks
- Oh shit, memory is leaking like crazy
- In fact the program crashes within 10 minutes
*Some hours of debugging and not finding the cause later*
- Starts thinking about the worse
- Hell yeah, the memory leak is caused by the code that checks for memory leaks. But fucking how
- Finds out the leak is caused by the implementation of the std C lib
- In the fucking printf() function
- Proceeds to cry5
Some people just don't fucking understand that their ideas are shit. Or even if you have a usable idea that you can't make money on it.
I was watching Shark Tank and these guys go on with the simplest maps API app. Pretty much a single table database for where basketball games are. Then putting it on a map. That's it. And they were asked how they plan on making money and the answer was "better user experience". All you have is a fucking map! It's pointless. You're not making money on that unless you do a hell of a lot more!
The thing that really got me was how they were congratulated on learning how to make it. Good for you, it's great that you learned some programming for that. But while you did the simplest maps API plugin, someone with some machine learning junk was told that it wasn't good enough.7
Worst part: being everyone else's Search Bitch. Seriously, how the hell do you have a job in the tech industry when you can't use a fucking search engine, whether it's Google, a builtin search facility or, hell, scrolling down the goddamn page?3
Signed up on Trello, got everything set up there and everyone has an account.
But my dear PM, why the hell are you still sending out a screenshot of your bloody spreadsheet bug tracker and ask everyone for updates????
Fellow devRanters how do I get (force) my PM to use a project management system instead of silly tables?13
People talking about their teachers accusing them of hacking the school databases and the like when just casually programming... the fear might be more justified than you think :P
At my high school, our computers teacher was a bit different; all the systems were running Fedora and a bunch of us "nerds" were allowed to run our server in the back of the class, as well as spend spares and lunches there. He also "happened" to have a bunch of books on Linux and programming lying around...
At the age of 14, we were getting taught how to SSH into servers, execute shell scripts, use terminals to track down each others processes and kill them, launch our own web services, build 3d printers, etc. It was awesome. Routine "kill" wars were totally a thing.
That said, when any other teacher saw anything looking like code on our laptops/library computers, and the school website was freaking out... ya, we were hacking the school website. (To be fair, we also had built it though...)
The funny thing was is that we were actually trying to stop someone on a Mexican IP from messing it up, he somehow had gained a sudo from one of the users and we were all trying to figure out a way to kick him off... but the other teachers thought we were the ones breaking it...
In retrospect, what the hell was our school doing letting a bunch of teenagers manage school infrastructure... also Hi devRant :D5
So, I'm investigating this flipping problem at work involving mbeans. Other than the fact that it's a fun fucking word to say, idk a damn thing about it, and the people who are having problems with them/it are looking at me like I'm a fucking pregnant triceratops... HOW THE HELL am I supposed to fix your shit if you aren't going to tell me why you need mbeans, what you do to cause the error, and what you do to make it go away. YOU'RE GIVING ME LESS THAN NOTHING... on a temperature scale, we're in negative Kelvin...
Also, anyone know what in the world an mbean in? Because right now, these overpaid idiots are making me think it's not a thing and just another way of saying "coffee"10
The truth behind some of the US startups funding.
I often ask myself how the hell many US startups get incredible amounts of funding. Well I just stumbled upon this investemnt firm which was founded by a 3 letter gov agency to fund startups who have products that help them increase their mass surveillance.
Those fuckers invested in a lot of well know companies!2
Four years ago while still a newbey in Android Dev and still using the eclipse IDE which was hell to configure by adding Android plugins,my girlfriend had a birthday.
With my new found love of coding thought of developing a b-day app for her.With so little android knowledge I had a great idea the main activity would have her photo as the background and button which when clicked would show a toast saying happy b-day love.
After spending few minutes in Tutorial point and learning how to display a toast and setting click listeners on buttons I was good to go and compiled the app.
Later that evening I head to her room where her b-day was to be held with some of her lady friends .When presenting gifts I presented her gift said had one more surprise for her and asked for her phone and using bluetooth sent the apk to her phone.
Installing the app I was scared to death on seeing how my grey buttons were displaying on her 2.7 screen size since had no idea on designing for multiple screens.
Giving her back the phone she loved the app and felt like her superman in the room though not for long.Her lady friends had gone ahead took her phone and were critising the app:
Why can't I take a selfie
Why can't the app play a b-day song for her and this went on them not knowing how hurting that was.
Bumped on the lady who lead the onslaught on me and had to go down memory lane.Life is a journey.2
First day programming: "The hell is this?"
234th day programming: You start to think how every single thing works and how to make it
Have you ever looked at code you had written years or even decades ago and asked yourself either:
1) How this this even work?
2) What the hell does this do?
3) or, I can’t believe I wrote that. (In horror or serendipitously)5
My company claims to have a talent retention problem, which to an extent is true. But then they humble brag about how their salary system works and I am like "Yeah that makes sense." See what they fail to realize is that software engineering isn't as niche (using that term loosely) as the other engineering disciplines they hire. They only adjust salaries based on those of the sector they're in and not the software industry itself. They say "we don't compare ourselves to Microsoft and Google because we're not in the same sphere." I'm like "yeah, but when you have a sw staff that regularly snags you patents and are considered some of the best in the industry, where the hell do you think they're gonna go?"
I guess what I'm saying is I want them to raise their average salary because I'm terrible and I must use the threat of them losing the smart guys if I am ever to get paid more. I see no holes in this plan.1
Where the hell is Break key?!
Story: I wrote multithreaded python script and went to Lab to test it. Script got stuck (one thread died) and I needed to stop that thing, but how without magic Ctrl+Break?
Damn you Dell with your slim and minimalistic keyboards!9
Fuck the new ECMAScript 2018 specifications.
I mean seriously? How the hell is dot syntax gonna make it more readable?
Also, i love the brackets, braces and semicolon. Hate to see them deprecated.
Almost gave me a heart attack and my head was boiling watching it.
Kiss for fucks sake! What the fuck of an ORM is Sequelize? How the fuck do I have to write a 50 line query json to get a query for a single object going, which doesn't work then because that shit peace of software has a bug that breaks findOne and forces you to use findAll and use the first and only hit?!
Well yes, I looked in your garbage SEO docs for that issue, but whenever I look for something specific I just end up on your optimized as hell querying for noobs doc page. FUCK YOU!
Seriously, you guys working with Sequelize saved me many hours. But fuck your fuckups! And ajfjekidjjskrhbdkaowbdjdkwobdnfie3
Gotta love Linux!
Wanted to install Arch on my Rasperry PI yesterday, but don't have a cardreader on my PC. Still had an SD with a different distro (RasPlex) lying around. Popped that in, connected power and ethernet only, looked up the default SSH credentials and got to a blinking terminal on my desktop PC.
Well, how am I gonna format my microSD? Rasplex comes without fdisk, and I booted it from the only microSD slot.
Well, here we go - Extracted arch to a usb thumb drive, chrooted into it, switched microSD cards, partitioned and formatted it from the USB-Arch, installed Arch on it, chrooted from Arch to Arch (😁), set up drivers, network and ssh access, rebooted to my why-the-hell-not distro.
Anyone else annoyed that they can code a really good website (as in PSD to HTML) but just aren't creative enough to come up with a design? I find myself on Dribbble a hell of a lot of the time coding designs that others have done out of boredom, but stunned by how amazing their designs are. I'm just not creative enough.13
* How I solve a problem*
"Okay, it seems to be interesting, OK think solve it generally"
*Solved the problem manually
"Okay pseudo code is /do this and that/ break it and write Algo.
Seems like it will work,
Making all sense
Okay let's code"
*Wrote in IDE
" Hmm compile and execute"
*Expected output : Hey you!
*Actual output : F you!
Me: What the hell
"Uhh! Just gonna apply brute force"
*Somehow got the actual output = expected output
"I knew, it gonna solve it but how it worked?"
*Thinking and it's 2 am
"Oh! I'm done, I'm going to sleep"
*4 am, while lucid dreaming
"That's how that thing worked, I got it"
*Next day using the logic dreamt of
*No matter how much surreal it is
*It didn't work
Me : F U!!!
(to be continued)2
when you have a great idea for a project, the you open android studio and like ''ok, how the hell do i even start? i'm going to sleep''4
This is how I scored my current job.
I worked at a local newspaper as a sole dev. Nobody knew what I did, neither did they care. The job was miserable, and so was I.
A small design bureau I partly knew, had moved into the building. I hang around in their office quite a bit. Not only because they were cool kids to be with, but also because I hated being in my own office.
One thing led to another, as they say. Eventually the design bureau offered me a job. I was too chicken to jump ship atm, so I declined at first. Then the newspaper had to fire people. It was the ultimate time to jump ship. And now I wasn't only offered a job, I was also offered a partner position.
I still feel kinda lonely, as none of the others are so "dev-y". But it sure as hell beats that crappy newspaper!
Client: here's what we want, a website where someone can directly edit any file on the website, php that java thingy all of it. Hell allow them to access, the os so they can see how that works to.
Me: ... Hey great idea ... We could set the server up in your offices ! I could link the server to all your computer's they can modify anything you have on there as well. That won't cause any issues.... At all.
Client: urm why?
Me: *hangs up* sigh ....
It's a fake scenario.... But how I feel like when I speak to clients 😐 based off what some guy wanted to do, a whole training thing for devs to learn how servers work ... The idea is ok to train... Say an apprentice, but he wanted to attach this to the Internet.... Not limit its use... Obviously way to expensive.
today i had to use an old resistive touch monitor.
what the hell how people can use that thing?
i had to literally punch it with my finger to get a click recognized3
I found a lot of comments in the productive code. A few 'do not touch!!!!', one 'not sure if correct' and another 'is this intended?'...
The system was buggy,
I was the only one who could work with and on it.
No documentation, an outdated diagram and no support from other sources. Since it was an inhouse product I couldn't find any help on google.
The programming language inside the application was a mix of different syntaxes and it was easy to see that many people set it up without talking with each other. There where many functions with the nearly the same name, doing either the same thing or completly different stuff.
I was/am still a junior developer so it was hell to deal with it. Not only had I limited time to work on it, but I was the only one who could help customers so I was on the phone everyday trying to help her through her own messy data.
To help myself, I started writing a documentation about my daily tasks and how to deal with different errors.3
"Can I have an app? It's a million dollar idea: you take a picture of yourself and it tells you if you're pregnant or just fat. I don't have any money at the moment but I'm willing to give you 5%, maybe less if my friend wants to join. plus, no ads, and make it a free app so it will be liked alot."
Can you shut the fuck up? do you have any idea what the fuck you're talking about? that's the most fucking ridiculous idea I've ever heard. how the hell would it even work?6
A note to my team, who I hope never actually reads this.
To my manager: Grow a fucking spine, you asshat! We literally ignore you, you are useless!! Other people do your job, and you can't even talk to your reporting person directly! You have us do it!
To my tech lead: You are crazy, but in a good way! I have no idea how you cram so much work into so little time, and I would march into hell for you. You are in the trenches with us, and I respect you greatly!
To dev number 1: You are hard working, but stop modifying my code and breaking it!
To the other devs: If you leave 4 hours before the tech lead anymore, I will beat you to death with a cum filled sock! My rage fucking erection is that strong!
To everyone else: fuck you!12
I just had my first "Group project"-experience and holy fucking shit am I about to explode right now.
I messaged you one fucking week before the project is due and ask for your input that none of you contributed to and if that was too advanced for you imbeciles to handle then HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THREE MORE FUCKING YEARS IN CS. THEN YOU HAVE THE DECENCY TO RESPOND SIX FUCKING HOURS AFTER THE PROJECT IS DUE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WORK.
WELL GUESS WHAT YOU FUCKING WASTE OF MOLECULES, I ALREADY TURNED IT IN AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE IS PUTTING YOUR FUCKING NAMES ON THE PROJECT.
I DRAGGED YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE FINISH LINE AND THEN YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG"?
NEXT TIME AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO SPIT BEFORE YOU FUCK SOMEONE OVER4
Lately, in the company I work for, it's becoming the norm for the dev to finish workdays at 10pm or 11pm, but we still get yelled at when we arrive after 9am. Anyway, every week, the PMs and salesmen have a big meeting to debrief how everything is working so well in this so wonderful company, and whatever. From what I've been told, it's just a big session of self-satisfaction, applause, and gossips.
During the two or three last meetings, some PMs dared to point out that the dev felt underestimated and constantly under pressure. Last time, the boss of the managers answered: "Developers just like to complain."
Yeah, right! We work like hell everyday to respect deadlines of underestimated projects, we have to fight to get hardware, and even a good chair is a precious resource!
Ultimately, another PM trainee said projects were late because dev are just laughing all day long... Go figure!
I feel like most of IT companies treat dev like inferior robots :(5
Sorry for the long rant, sorry if I'm a mess writing, but I need to let this out somehow.
I'm currently working as a freelance developer for a company here. I was hired to work as a front-end developer, mostly React stuff.
Suddenly, the back end developers left the project because they were offered better opportunities, and this meant chaos, as we're currently migrating an old project and building an MVP of what we're going to offer.
I sensed more danger coming, so I was preparing to leave the boat too, as it felt like a LOT of stress would come if I stood here.
Well, just when I was preparing myself, CEO looks into my LinkedIn page and sees I worked as a back end developer before, and using PHP too, which is the language our project's built in.
He organizes a quick meeting and throws my name as a developer for our project, telling me that I could work on it, and everyone agreed.
Everyone, except me, because I didn't know he looked into it and had this "emergency" meeting (mostly WhatsApp message exchange).
The case is, now that they spread this news, my name is on it and I HAVE to work on our project acting as, somehow, a developer and makeshift CTO.
It feels like a fucking leash, like "now you do this or else...".
Under other circumstances, I'd be jumping and throwing fireworks in my room right now.
Although I did build the f*cking project alone (which is quite a feature for my resumé), it's a mammoth of a project, I'm borderline crazy AND there's still data to migrate from the old model to the new.
The problem is: the people who recorded that data (which includes adresses, locations, user information) did it like they wipe their asses, there's no standards, some important data are missing and I have to validate more than 6k addresses.
I just don't know what to do. I would hire people too, but I joined this because I needed the money, so I can't.
It's hard, I'm lost, it's crazy, I'm crazy.
Sometimes my brain just stops, and I can't do anything code-related. And it makes me mad, because I LOVE to code!
This piece of crap is taking away one of the things I love the most, with a piece of my sanity and health too.
How I wish I could just send'em all to hell.
The company may be small right now. But the higher ups, they're kinda "big", and that would make my life hell if I just throw the towel now.
I don't know nothing anymore.15
How the hell did I go a full day with no coffee?
I had my usual three hours of sleep, did nothing else out of the ordinary, so how did I get through the day without any coffee whatsoever? And why am I still up at 1am?9
The more I learn about programming the more terrified I become about having huge knowledge gaps and learning something wrong by possibly making wrong assumptions about how certain things work or by falling on bad tutorials. I'm constantly hyped about coding, and at the same time I always feel I will never be able to say confidently "I know how to code".
How the hell do you make sure you are learning programming correctly as a self taught? Or do i just have to accept that no matter how and what I code there will always be a better way to do it, resulting in me constantly feeling as a low-skilled coder?5
It's nearly my first four months at my official developer job. I practised web development but got a mobile developer job. I don't care. It's fun at times. I don't know how to write tests. Android MVP confuses the hell out of me. Dagger2, Rx, Retrofit? Send help.3
me: *Tries a little change before going to sleep*
git: error: invalid object xyz
me: sure, fuck you too
I am turning 16 in 3 months and I want to start freelancing then. I want to earn money and get some experience .
I will still go to school until I have my a levels so I can go to university later.
Do you have any advice for an absolute freelancing beginner? I will probably make websites with HTML and CSS (of course, what the hell else) and react. Nodejs and mongodb for the Backend.
What should I do in these 3 months to prepare myself?
I want to build a portfolio website and learn more about node, especially how to do safe authentication in these 3 months, anything else? Also which websites would you recommend me?30
Forget missing semicolons; accidental dots are IN. Was wondering how the hell the method that was working EVERYWHERE ELSE was throwing here. Oh well, now I know4
Just spent literally six hours trying to get my aunt's enterprise-grade 20 mb fiber optic Internet back on tracks.
Two hours trying to reach the technical support, two hours to explain that I was "unexpectedly" hung up by the previous attendant, and honest to hell, two more hours trying to explain what "latency" is.
Seriously, how much do they pay these technicians nowadays?4
Fucking tutorials that simply skip thing completely.
Like how the fuck am I supposed to know how to run that that shit when you don't even mention how to build it and jump straight to the fucking debugging section.
Fucking hell, relate yourself to the people who'll read your shit, you non empathetic scum3
After some time got phone calls from users and manager. Manager said, 'how the hell our application got HACKED? If anything happens to..........'. To cut it short, he was furious. We knew exact reason and solution. Didn't take couple of minutes to resolve this issue.
But it was funny mistake and that released that days pressure off.2
At my previous job, no matter how many times I explained it, "a jquery" was an image slider for by boss. No need to say new devs didn't know what the hell he was talking about when he said the clients wanted "a jquery".2
I am working on an open source game project, and the most common way to draw things is using a class named ManagedSurface. The class is otherwise awesome, but it has a method called getBasePtr(x, y), which gives you a pointer to the requested coordinates. Fair enough (this is C++ without STL by the way).
But WHY THE HELL CAN I REQUEST ANY POINTER THAT I WANT, EVEN IF IT'S OUTSIDE THE SURFACE? Other cointainers have sanity checks, asserts and such, and the surface KEEPS TRACK OF IT'S WIDTH AND HEIGHT.
WAS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO ADD assert(x <= w); assert(y <= h);???
I spent 3 days on valgrind trying to find a heap corruption that manifested at random points in the code.
On the bright side, I learned how to use valgrind (which is awesomely awesome).4
Everytime I boot into windows soemthing goes wrong. Driver that doesn't load properly, loss of connection on a fucking RJ45 cable, boot process that locks the desktop for about 5mns randomly... What the hell!?!??! I just don't get any of this crap on Linux. And also, how the fuck is Microsoft expecting to draw the Linux crowed to them by putting linux on top of their massive steaming pile of plague ridden shite?!? Linux works very well without that stink! F.U. Microsoft! and F.U. to your imbred, affront-to-nature, colossal putrifying piece of gelatinous diarrhetic shite of an OS!
.|.. (o_o) ..|.9
How fucking retarded were the developers from Chrome for Android. What the hell makes you think that if I want to reopen a recently closed tab (for example when I accidentaly closed it), that I want to load it in the tab I have selected at the moment.
Like...excuse me I still needed that tab? Why wouldn't you open it in a new tab like any sane browser.
Why on earth do you have to open a new tab just to be able to reopen one without overwriting current tabs...5
My Unicorns 🦄.
If you look at the picture you will see more than one and there is a funny story behind them. About three years ago I was talking about a new project and I wanted to call it the Magic API, however I work for a religious organization and they said that it would be a problem to call it that. So I said what the hell how about unicorn? They said that would probably be okay. Then I saw that Microsoft had unicorn tags for their developers so it has been my thing ever since then.
So Unicorns it is. 🦄4
So it turns out that the iPhone X was one of the most popular christmas gifts this year in Norway. I mean fucking hell, how is that even possible given the price?2
I have a subj called "Fundaments of Operative Systems" (or something along those lines), and I have 2 crappy teachers, one for the theory classes, the other for the exercise classes.
The exercise classes teacher is said to be the worst in uni and every time I think about that class I get a bit anxious because I can never do anything in it. Basically we don't get taught code in theory classes and he just comes and says "do this exercise" without explaining anything first. And when he does I still don't understand it.
I bet like 90% of us have no idea how to program in C and we need that for those classes. I hate C with a passion because of this.
In the theory classes, the teacher explains most of the things without powerpoints, and when we don't understand something (either ask about something he said or what's written in the board), he REFUSES to explain or say what's written, because he has "explained it before". He even chuckles as if it was really funny that we can't read his handwriting or just didn't listen because we were writting things down OH MY GOD. So most of the times when I copy things from the boards and then look at them at home I'm like "what the hell is this, this doesn't make any sense, what did he even write" (has some word that looks like what he wrote with ?? around it)
I think they wanna watch us fail. I really do.
I kinda understand the theory classes, but half the test is writing code. How am I gonna write code if I don't understand it? I have a work for that subj to deliver until monday but I can't make it work because I don't know the code I have to write. Damn it all to hell jesus christ
Additional note: they're both in their 60s and should be retiring not long from now so maybe that's why they act so carelessly.
Love the uni, not so much some of the teachers2
...He hired a shit dev who did the same work in 3 times less than what I asked for.
He's now back crying to fix his Fuck up.
You ask how I know he is shit. He SSH-ed into the server. Worked directly off the production files. Worst of all, he installed phpmyadmin, changed the db structure without even writing a fucking migration !!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what he changed!! It's gonna be a long night 😥6
! random story
Today i was cleaning my laptop and on right side of it i suddenly touched a button... !!!
DVD player popped out.. and it's dusty as hell.. I was like what ?? How long this has been in laptop.. It's weird.. I never used it.. Why the heck we need it.. I didn't saw anybody holding dvd disc nowadays .. Man nobody uses those shit's anymore.. we have pen drives and External HDD's now. Why the heck manufacture's still keep these dvd player in Laptop's..
But it brought my childhood memories back though.. !!3
I show code for some cool but simple stuff to my gf.
She "how the hell are you able to come up with this shet? Who taught you to program? "
Me "Patience, enthusiasm and google"1
We had a school project where we where supposed to implement a software with a heavy client in C# and web services for it in C#, but the web services HAD TO COMMUNICATE WITH SMTP AND IMAP. And do that in 8 days.
We were 6 in the team. 4 had no idea what a web service is, and I and the designated project lead were the only ones knowing what to do. The lead had paperwork to do for the project, so I had to do everything but the UI alone. So 1 guy did the UI, 3 were... Playing Minecraft... The lead was doing paperwork and ranting about how noisy idiots these guys were... And I was sick as hell and could not eat anything, I was vomiting all day in between which moment I managed to make half of the functionalities of the project, despite having to go to the hospital and have to continue working despite the medical request not to work.
So the day before the presentation I had half of the functionalities done and I had to explain them yet another time what web services are so they can answer the questions and cover for themselves.
On the day of the presentation it went kinda fine. It was not finished but it worked like asked.
We were asked for peer evaluation and I gave A to the lead and the UI guy and B to the 3 other lazy asses.
Shortly after I am called by the tutor in the office : "What happened on this project? Were you not working at all? Apart for the lead who gave you an A, every one gave you a D (lowest grade). I demand for explanations"
I said never mind and got back to studying. I got a B, all the rest of the group an A.4
Me: I have so much to do! How the hell am I going to get all this done?!
**hears someone say something about some framework/library I don't know**
Me: hmmm let me google that real quick then I'll get back to work...
**3 hours later**
Me: damnit! I'm never going to get my work done!
Someone gave me this tiny soldering kit but I have no idea what goes where or how I even read the schematics / what it does; anyone got a clue on where the hell to start?
PS: As skilled with hardware as my mom is at opening notepad9
I'm fucking frustrated.
Almost Every project, almost every task I did in the past 6 months has been a failure or partly done. Even the most trivial of tasks take me hours to complete, after immense googling and copypasting.
I know that I'm a junior with less than a year of dev experience but it feels I'm traversing through hell itself. I truly love to program, have tremendous passion and want to be a professional dev but it seems destiny itself wants me to keep doing what I do best but hate(Sysadmining).
When will this nightmare end? When will I be able to accomplish anything I need with code with so much ease, like my dev friends do? How many more courses, bootcamps should I fucking attend and how many more tutorials to watch? When will be able to work at nights without falling asleep? When will I have a fucking dev job and freelance projects instead of being a goddamn server-managing monkey?18
Adventures in not knowing python: Episode 4!
After having finally extracted all the files I needed, figuring out where the hell they go and how they connect together I tried to plug it all into an AWS ec2 and get going. WRONG!
Every package was at least 3 years out of date. Most couldn't be downloaded directly with pip or wget (because the paths to them weren't available or were the wrong version) so I've had to find, download and scored every package to the instance. This, mind you, with no experience of Django and basically none of Python.
I've finally gotten them all in and installed and set up and checked their version against the live site. I have until tomorrow morning to get it all set up.
Wish me luck gentlemen!2
Ok so the final projects for my Web Programming class this semester just got handed out. We are assigned into pairs, however my class has an odd number of people so I have 2 others in my group. We got assigned to make Nim with a bunch of extras tacked on since we have an extra person to work.
When I asked how we would share code someone fucking said "I can keep the code and you guys email your changes to me". Hell to the fuck no. I suggest we use git, as it'll be easier to merge changes and I know one of the other guys knows how to use it. My professor then goes "that's out of the scope of this class, don't use it". Motherfucker what? Out of the scope? I'm sorry that I want to use something that makes collaboration easy and even is a chance to teach this other guy a good skill.4
So I just got into computer science College after a long period of being exited as all hell. Letting my dreams run wild with all the people that I'll meet and how we'll share information and debate over serious issues. less than a week into college I find out that people don't know shit and some of them are asking : "where are the brackets on the keyboard" while others ask what's the difference between Gmail and mail...............
I was devastated. (still am)5
Companies that create APIs and then update them but fail to update the documentation, to a point where the syntax doesn't even remotely resemble how it originally was, or even give the location of where the new endpoint is.
WHY MUST YOU MAKE MY LIFE HELL2
Need to rant. I am doing programming 2 at university with java and the assessment is to make a card game. The subject is shit and is basically going over loops, variables, conditionals ect which we learned in introduction to programming and programming 1.
This leaves little time for oop principles, design patterns inherentance and all other useful stuff.
I am dedicated to making a career in programming and want to do my assessment the correct oop way. Although the lecturer doesn't care and is instructing the class to do it procedurally and shit.
I could do the program really quickly the shit procedural way and still get full marks but I feel dirty as hell coding like a scrub. So I'm 60 hours in on this assessment and there are so many classes and even more because of unit testing (we don't have to unit test) and I am spending way too much time.
My code is beautiful, my classes are tiny and maintainable, easy to modify and I'm learning so much about how to code oop the correct way with the help of a mentor and someone I look up to. But god does it take forever to code this way. And soo many iterations and redesigns because I'm still learning.
It's almost done but now I have another programming assessment for another class I'll have to do the dirty way because of time restraints and other assessments.
Sorry for wall of text but this is stressing me out 😛4
Help! I'm stuck in tooling hell -.- It all started with me wanting to learn vim and then I saw tmux... The upside is that i got decent in vim cause I forced myself to edit all config files with vim to learn it faster. So many plugins and configuration possibilities how do you know when to stop? I already spent like three weeks on this 0.o7
PM: "Did you ever push changes for this one feature?" Me: "No. I haven't had time to even look at it. Everyone wants me to do stuff before my last day." PM: "okay so is it done yet or not?". If i haven't looked at it, if it's not pushed, HOW THE HELL WOULD IT BE DONE?!2
I am fuckin pissed off with my Requirements Engineering Teacher.
He is asking us to go to the railway station and meet the stackholders ( this is how he says the stakeholders, I always get triggered when he does it ) there to collect the requirements to develop a railway management system.
He expects us to do this much work for a silly 3 credit course, my question is why bother the people there ( as if there are going to respond to me; in my country the railway stations are 24\7 busy and crowed as f) for just doing that SRS thingy or whatever.
If I am really going to develop the application then it's a different story but this is just for that stupid assignment.
PS: I understand how important gathering requirements is.
Nobody in our class is interested in doing this assignment.
these people don't teach students to use an IDE, debugger,to read real code, to refactor or to even write a complete application.
90% of my class have no idea how to develop a software, all they know is to write applications with command line input and output statements.
I don't how the hell they expect us to get placed in software companies.2
My landlord just sent me an email regarding a report on problems with the circuitry (the ground wire carries the same 230V AC as the actual live wire for some reason).
She made it very clear that I - who is not certified - should not interact with electricity in any way. Heck, even the title of her email in all CAPS!!! (big red flag) explicitly said "DO NOT TOUCH ELECTRICITY !!!!!"
Meanwhile I'm like "bitch please, I'm learning electronics and like hell am I gonna discard that just because you say so."
She's probably just one of those people who is afraid of others doing this stuff because she has no idea how the fuck it works herself. Fear of the unknown. Which is fine but I've found that the ignorance of these people makes them particularly difficult to reason with.
How would you deal with such people?17
For a long time, I wanted to be a part of open source communities. I've been a dev for 6 years now.
I have the skills needed to help out but usually I'm fairly unexperienced on working with big teams, code reviews, and build-test systems they often use. So I'm scared as hell to even begin with. I feel unsecure to reach out and ask for helping or send a basic fix / pull-request.
What are your suggestions, how did you start working on open source projects?
Teach me senpai.3
I use onedrive for sharing some files and shit. So one day one of my folders, which I got from a downloaded zip, caused an error "files couldn't be synced because of unallowed character in the title".
Turns out there was a space at the end of the folder title. I change the name, I get some error.
"Okay, no problem, I don't need that folder anymore anyway" So I delete it, doesn't work, the error message reads "Can't delete folder because it no longer exists.". "What the hell" try deleting it some more. Emptying it before deleting. Deleting the parent folder. I try formatting it before deleting. Nothing works.
Deleting from the online onedrive client causes it to briefly disappears but refreshing places it back right where it came from.
So I resort to my last hope, customer support.
I explain the whole thing.
I get a reply. Oh boy.
I get explained that if the recycle bin is full, the file will be placed back.
After that, I get an explanation on how to remove a file xD
Thanks OneDrive Team, really helpful.6
Me: we should take this project a little more serious, follow the coding standards and please let us use git!
Pal: Oh sure.
//made a new repo and the first commit, sent the link and prepared everything (Granted access etc.)
//2 weeks later
Me: What's up, I already got quite some commits and you haven't pushed anything so far.
Pal: Pushed? what do you mean?
Me: I'm the talking about the git repo, I'm the only one contributing.
Pal: Oh yeah git, I installed it but I have no idea how that stuff works. I opened Git gui but i don't know what I'm supposed to do. I got everything in the Dropbox tho.
Me: ... ... ... FUUUUUUUUU WHAT THE FUCK MATE ARE YOU SHITTING ME, THE HELL DO WE HAVE GOOGLE FOR AND WHY DIDNT YOU ASK, LIKE WTF SERIOUSLY I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU TO USE GIT.
Arghhhhhhhh! What the hell is becoming of today's world?
So I have registration form that relates to parents signing up for a service and asking for ages of their children. Children are never older than 5 years old.
So, for each child the user specified the child's sex/gender (Boy or girl) and their age.
I'm still in disbelief over my client's request, that is marked "urgent".
I basically need to add to the list of options, as "boy" and "girl" are no enough and the question is now "too limiting".
I apparently need to add several more options including: "prefer not to specify", "geneder neutral", "bigender" and "genderfluid".
I mean how can a child aged 5 or less identify as "gender neutral" or "bigender" - how on earth are they able to decide.
Fine, if you're an adult and signing up to something like Facebook, have your 80 odd options. But for children under 5 how have no idea wtf any of this means, stuff like this really annoys me.18
sudo pacman -Syu --force
Openfire and owncloud no longer work.
sudo systemstl status openfire
Java exception relating to SQL.
sudo systemstl status mariadb
No such service mariadb
WTF why would that get uninstalled, how the hell.
sudo pacman -S mariadb
Everything now works again
Arch can be a confusing place
Maybe that force was a bad idea.5
Fucking WizzAir needs take its fucking website behind the barn and shoot it.
You click on "Forgot password" and it asks for the old fucking password to let you reset it!! Bitch if I knew my password what would I be doing in the "forgot password" flow??! 😡 They send you a temporary password and then reject it!! Active fucking hostility towards the client.
I eventually gave up and just tried opening a new account using the Gmail's suffix trick. But of course even the suffixed email was taken because I had already been in this hell before and already had opened new accounts because of it. For the sake of all the winged fucks how can anyone so fundamentally misunderstand everything??!
Once I got through it, it asks for your birth date, and once you click on the year you can never change it again without restarting the whole 10 step flow 😡 It's just more shit on every step, nothing but utter bullshit!
Never in the fucking ever is this turdfest of a company getting my money! They can go and choke on a bag of horse dicks 💢😠2
My mom: "My iPad is broken because I deleted by Goggle account"
Me: "Are you actually using Android tablet? How the hell that you deleted your Google account affects your iPad?"
My mom: "No, I definitely using iPad, and now I can't Goggle. And I don't remember my Goggle account. Can you come and help me to fix it?"
Me: "There is no way to fix it, if you don't remember anything about your "Goggle" account. But I will come and see what happen to your iPad later."4
So today I decided to give Atom another chance after i tried it few months ago.
After the installation I tried to open it up to work a little bit and see if I can feel comfortable working with it.
Well WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IT CRASHES 4 TIMES WITHIN 30 MINS!!!!
HOW THE HELL YOU USE THIS SHITTY EDITOR!!!!10
I haven't checked devRant for so long now. So, update.
I started learning PHP, in spite of everyone saying it's shit. I actually like it. I finally published my first website (www.stevit.rs) and few apps along side that. Oh, and two apps and a website are in the construction as I'm writing this. And on the main website, I'm creating a new section - Testimonials. It was more interesting than I thought to collect those.
Now, you might be thinking "But Steva, this isn't ranting :O"
Hell, yeah, it is. Because I also have school and shitty study plan in Informatics. I also have a bunch if bad grades that I need to fix. I have deadlines everywhere, I don't know how am I supposed to finish everything on time.
Wish me luck.. :(4
Many of the problems I see people solving with these giant stacks could be easily solved understanding how websites work (html, css, js and how interact with each other) with no dependencies giving smaller (for end users at least) and more maintainable code (in the sense it would not require updating dependencies that may be discontinued...)
I do imagine situations where these are ideal... Since there are not absolutes and developing is very context sensitive, but man if I have js article fatigue for ridiculous scenarios.3
Why the *fuck* did Facebook decide to nag users by constantly reminding them of how dumb and miserable they are by showing the old-ass posts from years and years ago?? I don't want to see some random shotpost i posted 5 years ago, i don't give a fuck!!
How the hell uses this anyway? Who on earth cares about his facebook image so much, that sharing this stuff is actually meaningful?
Maybe i'm missing a point, but again my facebook profile is just a wall of memes and vapid shit that i don't care about.
I'm starting to really fucking hate facebook in every way, too bad its the only real way to contact people here in scandinavia...
This country is full of applefags anyway, maybe i should just pack up and move to a country with a more sensible communication platform :D8
Just watched episode 3-6 of silicon valley, where Richard loses his girl over tabs vs spaces. Made me kind of mad.
How the fuck is tabs vs spaces still a struggle? Unless you're using fucking Notepad++ to code, your IDE will FUCKIN REPLACE TABS WITH SPACES! IF YOU INDENT WITH SOMETIMES THREE, SOMETIMES FOUR SPACES, THEN BURN IN HELL! JUST USE YOUR IDE WITH YOUR TAB KEY AND END THE WAR!2
So a problem end client of mine made my life hell for 3 months.
She hired a design agency to design her a bespoke site, she signs off on it and then once I've made it she decides that it's just a draft.
She then spend the next 3 months emailing me multiple times a day, calling the office and calling my personal phone. I'm still not sure how she got my number.
after 3 months on a two week project, many conference calls and changing every single template so that the site is unrecognisable it is finally live.
This woman literally went around her whole office, building and street asking them what they thought should be changed.
Not only that but half way through she suddenly told me she wanted it live in 2 days with a list of changes as long as my arm. I managed it and she wanted more changes anyway so it didnt go live...
The moral of the story is, never go the extra mile for a client more than twice, make sure you charge them for your extra time, try not think about how someone so retarded is the head of marketing at a huge company and that a true rant has no structure.
PS she also complained to me often that the changes had not been made less than 24 hours after requesting them, showed a half built site to her board of directors and then moaned at me that it didn't look right.6
W8 wut?! O.o
How the hell is someone gonna hack my computer using calculator?!
Also WTH?! I don't even know what that built in admin BS is in win10, let alone how to log in with this o.O4
Oh my, never was i triggered more. Of course i can only speak for my experience. I study software development as focus.
First off, the starting languages and or concepts you learn.
Why the fuck do they start with java and don't even really explain how instances actually work? Of course they don't. Because it would be way too fucken much for a semester to go over garbage collection, Instanciation of stuff, allocation in such an advanced system, etc..
How about starting with something not 50% managed by a vm?
Good ol' C. And now don't tell me thats a rough start. We all know about these subjects or exams where it's all about sorting people out. Who will be able to manage a whole bunch of shit or who should consider something else.
Yo dawg sick idea: how about sorting it via the will to achieve the skill of coding?
Nah but we make the exams around coding (by the fucking way done on paper, what the hell) such a fucking breeze, asking you how to convert hex do dec.
Meanwhile maths will make you cut yourself in a dark corner, after you nearly shot yourself because of some lame-ass business-subject.1
I find most of the initial concepts are similar to C which I learned during my engineering.
The course covers a lot of basic things or concepts at its fundamental level.
Even if I learn all the syntaxes, I fear that I will not be able to code all those complex things which I see and use in day to day life.
How to overcome this fear? How to be able to write such complex code?
Working on a legacy app and couldn't find in the DB, fields for description, status, title, and assigned user.
I found them.
They were in the fields: User1, User2, User3, and User4.
How the hell does that happen?2
How fucking difficult is it to first figure out what the hell you want me to build, before assigning me a project?
But noo...make me implement a feature that will do a completely different thing in two weeks, and a completely different thing a week after that...fuck you Jeff3
This utilization shit is stupid! Seriously man what the hell! Yes yes it's an important number yes yes I don't even care. You want me to increase my utilization and at the same time be wary of the budget, which are unrealistically tight to begin with. It's freaking impossible! Who comes up with this shit?
You know what? Half of this shit ain't even my fault! A project was set for 200 hours and a guy wasted half of that trying to figure out just HOW TO CONNECT TO THE API! Like the guy only wrote 30 lines in 100 HOURS! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! THEN YOU PASS OVER THE PROJECT TO ME AND SAY YOU HAVE ONLY 100 HOURS LEFT TO CONNECT TO THE API, GET THE DATA (WHICH BTW DOESNT EVEN EXIST), PARSE IT, AND THEN CREATE GRAPHS AND A FULLY FUNCTIONAL SOFTWARE, WITH A USER INTERFACE THAT SHOULD RUN AS AN EXECUTABLE!!!! ME? ALONE?
MAN FUCK YOU!2
@Gilles had a similar rant and reminded me of a story...
As a kid I learned QBasic. Moved to VB5 and later VB6. Because of this 'knowledge', I was the one who had to maintain legacy applications at my previous job. All of those applications were in use at various banks. On first work day in 2011 all hell broke loose - no date input control would accept the date anymore. I quickly discovered that the max year on date inputs was set to 2010. Later, I was told that nobody expected these applications would still be used in 2010 so they entered it as a distant future number. The funny part was that one bank was still running apps written in VB3 and I had to go back to basics. Didn't even know how to edit basic controls in that interface :D
Good times :)1
Anyone else get super pissed when people go out of their way TO LEAN DOWN to look at your phone screen, especially when you don't want them to? I'm on devRant minding my own business, and people will FUCKING WALK OVER AND STARE AT MY SCREEN, and then will START ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I'M DOING, READING, WHAT WHY WHEN WHERE HOW! Why, the fuck, do people think this is ok? Then you get that one guy who decides to fucking start asking me about what I'm on as I am reading, obviously busy (what are you reading? Rant? What? Hey what is this? It must be Reddit. Reddit is better. What is on this app? This is stupid. Wait no, go back- you upvoted that? Why? So what is this again?) Or how about when you're texting or writing an important email, and someone fucking walks over and stands there and starts reading?! The hell? Am I the only one that this makes want to punch a wall (or the person)?1
Devs with young kids: how the hell do you do it?
I am a foster parent for my cousin who is 4 months old and I don’t know how in the fuck to make this work. How do you do it? How do you balance code and kid?
For reference I work full time at a tech support place, I go to school full time, and I’m trying to pivot into software development, which means any free time is spent coding/studying code/building a portfolio. Problem is I don’t have free time because of the baby. How in the hell do people do this.5
I’m convinced that CSS is black magic and those that can visualize what it’s going to do before changing code are witches/warlocks.
Usually my attempts end up in humor as the website ends up /comically/ broken. Elements shifted around to not anywhere near they belong, drop downs appearing from completely nonsensical places...
No idea how you all do it.4
I decided to tweak my two years old-mild overclocking on my main/home pc, to get more juice out of it.
Started with small steps running benchmarks each time I upped the clock.
Didnt crash me once up until it crashed while windows was booting after restart.
I thought to myself, that's normal, now I just have to lower it a bit until I find the sweet spot.
After windows finished crash dumping, restarted, lowered clock from bios, and headed to boot windows.
Windows recovery came up to scan my installation, pretty normal after a bsod.
I was waiting for it to finish, thinking that ofc there is no error you silly windows, until the recovery said that it could not recognize the error.
Proceeding to boot normal windows via the correspndent button in the recovery, the recovery itself came up again scanning for errors. I waited again only for the same outcome, and restarted my pc.
Yeap the recovery again scanning for errors.
How the hell did my boot became corrupted after just a crash. I've been fighting since yesterday for hours to fix this shitty situation but to no avail. I really dont want to clean install...
I couldnt even sleep well last night thinking that I have to fix this after work today...
Fuck my life, fuck windows3
So I am only 15 and I am trying to find local businesses that will allow me to either build them a website or let me redo their current website.
Doesnt sound thay complicated right? I have gotten to do it once, for a laid back coffee shop owner whos business went out of business a day after i emailed him about it being done. I mean how the hell does that even happen!
I have tried different types of emails and shown all of my work, which it is all good sites that look professional. Issue is alot of people dont trust email offers or dont trust me cause im 15. I am not much of a person who can walk into a store and talk to the owner about it, i am not social in that aspect.
So anyone have any ideas?6
Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.1
Gives an award winning VR idea to our 'Digital Manager'
Says it's too hard for us to do ( it wasn't ) , goes out and pitches it to another digital agency for 'Help', ( mainly coz of the freelance commission )
They go ahead with the idea and make their campaign with it.
we don't get anything. no credit, nothing.
I wonder how the hell someone become a manager with that much of stupidity.2
How the hell does someone get to their fourth year if a computer engineering degree and not realize that memory is not the same as the stack? Especially when you were just talking about the heap... Where the fuck do you expect that to go if memory is just for a stack?
While you're at it, yes, go ahead and use a load word instruction from a Mips processor to store something on something with a different architecture. Let me know how that works for you.
Well, this one was very satisfying.
When I resigned from my previous job, there was this one last task I had to finish. The task was to implement an identity and access management system that would work across three different platforms they had. I used to work on one of them which had nothing of the sort but the other two had something of their own. Here lies the kicker, it had to work with existing authorization system in other two platforms. After explaining multiple times why that is a bad idea, I gave up. I created an interface, no implementation, documented how the interface was meant to be used and got the hell out of there.
I was once handed a very old PHP project that I had to make some changes to. I thought it would be a piece of cake. But the moment I looked at the code, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. It was so poorly written, it took me hours to figure out what was actually going on. Now these were the times when I was already quite disturbed mentally and emotionally, and this shitty PHP code only made it worse. At one point, I was like, fuck this shit I'm gonna quit this job.
Thankfully, the client soon emailed that the requested changes weren't needed anymore.
I personally have nothing against PHP. I have created some amazing stuff with it. But it's the programmers that don't follow the best practices that piss me off. I mean, how fucking hard can it be to write clean code. You might save your time today by taking shortcuts but you'll make life hell for the people who might have to maintain your code in the future.
How do you organize your downloads folder?
Personally, I make a new folder with some name(altough the name actually being useful is rare) and just select all of my files and dump them there. Finding a file sucks so much though, I can never remember their names so I just look through the folders at the icons and hope I find the file I'm looking for. This mess that is my downloads folder led to looking 5 times in a folder to find a file.
My DOS VM is more organized than that...
Speaking of DOS managing memory in that is hell. I've never had memmaker detect 64MB of RAM, giving the VM 96MB of RAM made it detect 2 more MB or something.6
Just remembered my Informatics teacher left me and my friend a side project to do by the end of summer:
The task is to replicate the game "Minesweeper" in a C# form.
Now, I never actually even understood that game when I played it, how the hell can I program that? ;-;
Well okay, yeah, I might have to actually start looking into it... but freak, it's almost the end of summer already, and I'm still on vacation... my fault I guess. ;—;8
The thing that I most hate is when you're approaching a new framework/tool, you follow the official documentation and the first example doesn't work.
I'm trying the official documentation of webpack, I tried the first example and guess! Error! It says that's probably a breaking change. Where the hell should I learn it? I don't have the crystal ball, should I guess how your fucking tool fucking works? Oh my god, it's ok if you introduced breaking changes, but just update all the references, is it so hard?
I am so disgusted by how people keep asking me how to hack Facebook... As if it's even possible? What the hell are they even thinking?!
- oh, hi there. I'm your Assistant. Nice to meet you 😊2
Me: Ok lets make a simple chrome app wrapper for devRant just for the hell of it... Oh i really don't like how there is a split line between the title bar and window content...
*2 Days later"
Me: Fuck it! Let's build a title bar library and allow for devRant theming options...
Why must I do this to myself...
How the hell do these people have a senior position?
Sdev:"The are no vulnerabilities in my code because i have Avast running at the same time"
SecOps: "<insert potoo bird reaction>"
Saw a counting variable in code. It was a necessary counting variable, so that is not what this is about.
However, this is a US based company that has a somewhat PC (no cursing) and professional cultural facade.
This variable was called "cnt". How the hell did that one not get caught in peer review? I have gotten dinged for having "possibly offensive" variable names (think Point5Hit though I have never written that as a variable name). It was funny. But I have changed it because that's just lazy.9
For fuck's sake, why do so many engineering professors use Comic Sans in their power points and documents?!? These are incredibly intelligent people, so how can they be so ignorant? We all have to suffer as a result... Honestly, has nobody ever had the balls to tell them to change their fucking font because it is ugly as sin, hurts the eyes, and is super childish? Fuck all those people who insist on using Comic Sans. You all deserve to spend time burning in hell for your cruelty. Better yet - sir who invented Comic Sans: go fuck yourself and burn in hell.9
I really need to get out of this clusterfuck of a mess I got into, A.K.A. our website projects. Now, it feels more and more like all these problems and issues we're having are all my fault.
Here's the thing: I had 0 experience on web development before I got this job. I started as an intern, expecting to learn all the right practices and techniques on building websites. Nope. What happened was I was thrown in this big project, responsible for almost every functionality that it was supposed to have.
A junior-level guy. Doing a huge project on his own. Hell, I'm probably even lower than a junior. But here I am, pigeonholed in this shittard. My boss even said to me, "you know more about the website than I do." Fucking hell. He's not even aware of the clusterfucks I've done on the codebase because, fuck, what did I know? I don't even get feedbacks about my code. I don't fucking know if I'm doing all of these shit right. I don't know if this function is supposed to be here, or if it's supposed to behave that way, and, shit, the concept of test-driven development is probably something my boss has never heard of before.
So right now, I'm a bit obsessed with web development best practices, and how to write clean, maintainable code. I would probably get more learning from going to meetups than I will ever have from this place.
This has been a very shitty start of my career. I hope a much better learning experience will be plentiful at my next job (if anyone's willing to hire me). It would be like starting all over again. Sorry for the long post. I would like to put this as a blog post, but it's probably not a good idea, specially since I'm looking for a new job. Thank God for devRant.2
A wholehearted FUCK YOU to the cunt that configured those stupid Ubee routers. Wasted two hours trying to get ssh port forwarding to work, only to realise just now, that it does indeed already work, but somehow I am blocked from accessing my routers IP from within the network... how does that make any sense... >.< fucking hell4
Yo vim what the fuckin fuck.
I like vim, i try to use it as much as possible since i feel more confident with just using a keyboard BUT WHAT THE FUCK.
I am developing an application to improve my python skills and I chose vim to do so. I made some “big” changes today to it using vim. Every time i made a change that i had to test, i was saving it with :w and then running it on my second screen. All good until now.
Then i wanted to make a minor change using vscode because i thought it will be easier there. Anyway, i used :x, opened vscode AND MY CHANGES WERE REVERTED to the first condition my file was when I opened it today.
Vim is awesome, maybe it was all my bad, but how the hell did that even happen?3
How the hell do I understand want people want???
I listen to them, I pay attention to them (for the most part), but for the most part when someone assigns me something but it is not clearly explained, they expect me know what to do.
I had the most unproductive meeting with this guy I work for because of this... he had a problem, so we worked on ideas for this solution, and I thought I knew exactly what he wanted. We were getting somewhere. I get ready to leave for lunch and it turns out that is not at all what he wanted. We're back to square one.
Is it me, or are people really bad at explaining things?6
So... We're going to totally rewrite one of our web applications at work. It's currently written using the .NET framework, and we're moving to Node.js instead. For me, that's absolutely wonderful! Outside work I practically only work with Node, so I'm happy. There is just one thing that's bothering me. My colleague wants to use MySQL for the database. Even worse is that he's the one deciding, since I started working there just a couple of weeks ago.
Now, I really, really want to use Mongodb. It integrates so wonderfully with Node together with Mongoose, and just the thought of using JSON everywhere makes my body shiver of satisfaction.
So therefore I have two questions.
A. Would you prefer Mongodb over MySQL for a node application?
B. How the hell can I convince him to use Mongodb?!
I work for a pretty large company. We aren't a software company...in fact, I am the only developer in the entire company, including our subsidiaries. So, what's my biggest coding distraction?
Salespeople and other non-writers of code, i.e. everyone who isn't bringing me a snack or leaving me alone. You might not believe how many of these assholes don't acknowledge the universal "I'm busy, go the fuck away" that headphones and a death glare signifies. I don't give a damn about your fucking foster cat. I don't really give two shits about the Amish craft festival that you went to either. No, I don't know where x co-worker went, and I don't care. Do you know why? Because I was at 100% capacity two days ago, before I was handed another shit-heap of an idea to bring forth into reality. I'm clearly not as busy as you damned salespeople, jacking each other off and sleeping in your private offices all day, but maybe you could print your own spreadsheet/dank memes? No, I'm not a printer repairman, and no, I can't "hack your ex-wife's facebook". For the love of christ, how the bloody hell am I supposed to get anything done with all of these interruptions?3
Untested code has bugs that cause catastrophic failures in code and I get asked "How the hell did you even find that?!" by a manager on another team.
I pressed enter to post form data.
Because the client had me roasting on a spit in nearly impossible features Hell for an entire year on a piece of custom software that ate up all the budget and my profitability, I completely forgot about a major other requirement that now will take me months to integrate. And they still haven't paid me for my other work so I can pay my other dev. My vendor/client negotiating "prowess" got me from "still not paid" to "indentured servitude".
FML. How did I convince myself that I'm good at business relationships?Why did I think I would be able to do custom software? I need to stick to just designing websites as a rank and file employee. No, actually I need to disappear until North Korea starts thermonuclear war and nobody cares about software anymore.
Hey there, Eclipse on Linux. Gnome, rather. Hey buddy. We've been friends about a month now.
So why are tooltips suddenly black? Hmm? Why does the gnome-color-chooser do absolutely fucking nothing? Why are you ignoring color settings?
Why do you ignore in-app color settings? Why when I fucking wiped you and all related folders from my computer, do you, on a fresh fucking install, show me tooltips with black background and black text?
Why the fuck is this an issue? Why the fuck does reinstalling do nothing? Why do I have to fucking be a pro C coder to look in your source code and figure out the problem?
Why can't I fucking have normal tooltips in Eclipse IDE?
Why the fuck won't Netbeans import my project from eclipse? What the fuck kind of error message is "Try 'import from...'" when no such menu option exists?
It's a shit option. Fuck these stupid software bugs. Fuck them to the infernal edge of the 9th circle of hell where teddy bears bleed and cry/laughing abandoned Chucky dolls have parades around the charbroiled brain spatter of the fucking assholes who spout "well it works on my computer" and "huh, that shouldn't happen!" and "did you restart?"
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
How the fuck is an unfixable tooltip color a thing? How is it an issue?
I picked up the fucking too-big hat of software dev to someday fix bugs and write better shit than the shit that's out there..
How the fuck am I supposed to get there with IDEs that have these unfuckable bugs
It makes my fucking brain rage and I wish a thousand mushroom clouds of agony on the unknown author of this "unreadable tooltip" bug
I'm in "too angry to give a shit" / "need to fucking finish this project ASAP I have NO fucking time to fuck around" limbo
Fucking Eclipse putrid eye-pus-gushing rotted hell-carcass of code filled with drowned rats carrying cholera fucking shit-app malaria-ridden Trump-humping manifesto of rage inducing
So i was working on an android app that communicate with restfull web service. I setup everything , started the web service api at localhost and launched the app on genymotion (virtual machine android) .Nothing seems to work . I checked the code , debugged some stuff and it turns out i couldn't communicate with the api server. I tested the api on my browser and nothing is wrong ,I tried to test on the phone vm browser and voila 404 not found . How the hell it's working on my windows and not on the vm (with localhost url :/ ) .I kept debugging for more then 3 hours with no solution to be found .
The moment I realised wtf I'm doing and how stupid I was => shut down my laptop went to coffee shop and bought a lifeless dark espresso .
In case you didn't understand what the issue is, I was running the api on my windows localhost and testing it with same url on my android vm (I should've changed localhost with my machine IP )1
I joined a project that has been in development for four years. After a couple of weeks of getting used to what has already been done I saw some strange coding.
One thing that struck me in particular was how often I saw pointers to pointers of objects being passed as arguments without any obvious reasons.
Only after I got to write a new functionality myself did I see why that was done.. as I needed to do it too. I had to allocate the memory for an object that was given as the parameter.
C is a hell of a language.. just as I thought I was good at it things like this happen.
Stupid ass smart TV just gives me a random firmware update with no changelog whatsoever. Nothing on the Internet either! What the hell are they thinking? Will my TV still work after this? Does it now spy on me? Will it be painfully slow afterwards? How can I downgrade, if I don't like it? Seriously, those things cost a lot, and I don't want updates that bring the whole experience down to halt, just because they want me to buy a new one (eg Apple phones)
Seriously, screw you, LG -.-
Give me an option to just don't do the update, without bugging me every time I turn on the TV, or let me see a changelog. It's one of those two options.1
I'm Programmer/Analyst in one of the hgh ranking BPO company here at Philippines.
I'm currently on a project, I'm on a team who's managing machines parts. The project is CATERPILLAR.
The biggest challenge here is if there is a outage on the system, the number of Severity 1 issues keeps coming like there's no tomorrow. And there's only 5 of us on Tier 2 which is managing this abends, errors, bugs in the system.
Is there a way on preventing this outage/connection error. Like HELLO IT IS A BIG COMPANY !!! HOW THE HELL THEY CAN'T EVEN MANAGE THEIR CONNECTION!!!!2
I just hate how my body believes that coding time and snack time are synonyms. Like ok, i might have been eating some chips or noodles while i was doin' the thinking, but hell, i cannot just empty 2 or 3 bowls of food each time i have to open and IDE.. How can you guys keep yourselves busy from eating when you fight the evil forces of bugged code?3
Just fucked up the next exam for this semester -.-
This whole study is slowing me down. When learning for the university I make absolutely no progress for my programming skills
In my free time and when I’m at the office of my part time job I’m leaning more relevant things..
Why the hell do I need to know how to write in assembler if I’m a student for front end development? Fuck that and without an Bachelor here in Germany I will never get a good paid job.
So I have to learn irrelevant unnecessary and uninteresting things to get this fucking bachelor
But I’m absolutely no person for exams.. how does programming on a paper without internet connection will Ever prepare me to the real world?
I really don’t know what to do cause this whole university thing is so disgusting :/2
Man I'm too tired to wake up and look at code in the morning. I'm not even productive until late afternoon by which I only have 2 hours or so to do something.
The rest of the morning feels like a battle to not feel lethargic. How the hell do you look at words on a screen an hour from waking and feel fine with it?
Wish I could find a Dev/R&D job that started in the afternoon 🤔2
I’m really struggling to see WHY IN THE HELL it was necessary to delete my FUCKING NETWORK PROFILES to update this FRUIT FUCKED ALUMINUM SHIT BOX!
How did they test this and be like, oh, yea, you can’t connect automatically to ANY of the WiFi networks you have saved, because we deleted all the network profiles. That is acceptable, it won’t cause anyone any real problems.
Sure you need to update some shit. But why are you even touching that part of the disk? Damn you filthy lying fruit fuckers!1
Finishing up the last few edits on the WordPress site from hell, client is here to see the finished product, senior dev looks over at me "so are the registration/login forms and sign out button working correctly again?"
Me: "yeah I'm just checking one thing first-SON OF A BITCH"
senior: "that does not instill confidence that the forms are working"
Wasn't a big deal, forgot to close a div and, well you know how that works
I fucking killed my hard drive by installing the guest additions in a Windows VM! Everything freezed and crashed suddenly, how the hell is that possible? How can Windows fuck everything up, even in a VM??
(Probably wasn't Windows fault, that makes me even more angry).
This hard drive wasn't even two months, his predecessor died heroically in a tragic magnet incident :(4
going through a rewrite is hell. the first stage you will be disgusted with how they layed out their code, contemplate the dump, eventually rewrite the entire thing, then cry throughout the entire process into your gallons of therapy iced tea.
I don't even know what half of these API calls are for.
Well, I am not sure whether this is supposed to be about worst experience as a reviewER or a reviewEE so I'ma do both. First as a reviewer.
So, on my first project in this company, I introduced automated build scripting (read: suggested, was "volunteered" to do it, then had to bust my ads to get it done). Prior to this, our process was run the thing in Visual Studio a bunch of times (don't ask) and package the resulting files. Well, new requirements made this not sustainable.
So after many many meetings in which I assured my co-workers that the script wouldn't cock up and go sideways and format our server (HOW???) and showed them how to work it AND added all the features they requested. I finally send the script out for code review. Oh the joy. Questions like: "why did you implement this?" Came from the guy who told me to implement it. "Can you change the formatting?" I checked and no. "Why isn't this to the code standard?" Because the code standard doesn't include scripting languages.
And here is the piece that takes the whole piss soaked shitsicle pie "I don't understand why we're doing this in the first place. We have a build process already, why do we need a new one?" FUCKING REALLY?!?!? YOU WERE IN THE GODS DAMNED MEETING WHERE WE DECIDED TO DO THIS!!! SET OUT THE REQUIREMENTS!!! LITERALLY EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS SCRIPT YOU WERE THERE AND YOU'RE ASKING WHY WE'RE DOING IT NOW!?!?! Fucking hell. I forced it through anyway because I had the higher ups all signed off on it, but seriously. Just because we're doing something new that slightly inconveniences you, doesn't mean it doesn't need to be done. Stop being afraid of change.
Side note: these people actually would regularly hold up process and product improvement because change is scary.2
How can I explain to an not IT person, that cloning mouse and keystrokes to 30Computers dosnt influence the main algorithm in any way?
Testing some kind of Survey with 30Clients by klicking the forms and doing some inputs... Basically 30Times the same layout with many radios and buttons (time effort ~10min each + 20Min fixed time) so like hell too long so to minify just let one PC clone the keystrokes to all other
~30Min and done...
So I know if all worked fine
Also the algorithm(selecting some of the best and some of the worst clients by there score) should work also in that pessimistic case if all entered the same values4
Fucking docker swarm. Why the hell do they have to change the way it works so damn often. Find a good workthough and its not fucking valid anymore cause swarm doesnt use consul to catalog swarm nodes anymore. Well fuck thanks docker now i have to rethink my architecture cause you fuckers wanted to do something half assed.
Sad fucking thing is the change that made you do that shit in the first place doesn't work right for ssl so your damn mesh network is fucking useless for any real world uses unless people like me rig the fucking hell out off it.
Another fucking thing how the hell haven't these fucktards added a shared storage yet, come the fuck on.
When I was an apprentice in a small company, ...
I had to witness the shortest job interview in my life. The company was searching for a secondary full time developer and one applicant got the chance to have a job interview.
The interview was planned at 10 o'clock in the morning. The applicant has arrived at the interview at time, but my boss didn't. After about a hour my boss has arrived.
They went into his office, and you can just hear a loud yell why the applicant came too early. The applicant told him that he got there at time and he has waited about a hour for him.
My boss have asked how the applicant came to this place and the applicant told him that he has used public transportation with the correct arrival time.
Someone like my boss who does not use any public transportation at all accused the applicant being a liar and he should stop bullshitting him.
The applicant yelled back what the hell is going on and he is not there to get yelled at. After that the applicant went away very angry.
We had a very good laugh at the neighboring office.3
I use a DasKey Ultimate with blank keycaps at work and people always ask how the hell I can work with that board. I recently bought a Happy Hacking Pro for my tablet/laptop and I must ask the same question to those who daily drive these..
How the fuck do you deal with this retarded layout??
I used the dip switches to at least change the Del to BS but the physical key is stupid small, the control key position is just idiotic and no dedicated arrows? I use VIM and my work desktop is Linux and I come from a UNIX background. Still makes no sense.
I can't really figure out how I grew from learning_syntax -> remembering_function_names -> following_patterns -> developing_a_personal_style -> reading_the_doc -> getting_the_source.
Well I have a long memory problem, so I guess it happened overnight!
Wait, did the doctor say it was a memory problem? Hell no!
Recently changed up my keyboard and bought a US style instead of my usual UK style, but changed it in Windows so I still have all my keys where I expect them.
But how the hell do you guys live with the tiny ass enter button? My pinkie is bigger than it!
Okay, So lately, I have updated to the new MacOS High Sierra. I was at first worried that it might cause a lot of bugs with most of my applications, but for now, everything is fine, but my browser Firefox.
Suddenly, after the update, firefox started becoming slow. Really quite slow. I looked at the activity monitor, looked at cache, nothing. When I go into fullscreen in HTML5 videos, the lower part does not go fullscreen and leaves a FUCKING SPACE THAT SHOWS MY FUCKING DESKTOP. I can fix the bug my turning auto hiding, but I use my dock a lot, and welp, I do not want to give up things that I use everyday, just because of a simple bug. Mozilla was apperantely notified about this glitch as soon as the BETA of the OS, but welp, they have not fixed anything yet. FML. How the hell am I supposed to browse devrant with a buggy browser?
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MOZILLA5
What the hell is with this date? Not sure if this is intentional... Or a glitch.
From how I read this, March 10 - April 3rd 2020?9
How the hell do people handle being graceful in the face of others being confidently, dangerously, stubbornly wrong - particularly when they outrank you?
It's a genuine question. I'm decent at my job but I've met a good number who are way better and also totally diplomatic in the face of the relative idiots (including me) . Is it just the fine art of giving less shits?1
Googling how to electromagnetically shield a espruino project from neodymium magnets over lunch, and that leads on a trail of manipulating and directing em fields...
"What are you doing? That doesn't look anything like a binary tree structure in Java... What the hell is all that?"
"Uhm... Personal research?"
Fucking hell my insights are late ones...
So I am working with fluid dynamics simulation. I went home fired up the laptop and started the calculations. This is how the events went:
9 PM: starting the calculation
10 PM: checking on the graphs to see whether everything will be alright if I leave it running. Then went to sleep.
2 AM: Waking up in shock, that I forgot to turn on autosave after every time step. Then reassured myself that this is only a test and I won't need the previous results anyway.
5 AM: waking up, everything seems to be fine. I pause the calculation hibernate the laptop and went to work.
6:40 AM on my way to the front door a stray thought struck into my mind... What if it lost contact with the licence server, while entering hibernated state. Bah never mind... It will establish a new connection when I switch it back on.
6.45 AM Switching on the laptop. Two error messages greet me.
1. Lost contact with license server.
2. Abnormal exit.
Looking on the tray the paused simulation is gone. Since I didn't enabled autosave, I have to start it all over again. Well. Lesson learned I guess. Too bad it cost 8 hours of CPU time.2
So I'm going to wait a bit longer to actually buy the phone since I want to have at least had my S7 for a year before I buy a new one, but for those who saw my other rant about buying a new phone, I've made a decision.
I'll be buying a One Plus 5. It's just... How can you even say there's a better phone out there? So far the only phone faster than it is the Note 8, and eventually iPhone 8. The only difference is that those phones are $1000, and the 1+5 is only just over $500. (Don't believe me? Go watch the phonebuff speed tests with it. It actually beat an iPhone 7+. The first phone to do that in a couple years)
Sure, it doesn't have any of that great screen tech in the S8. But it's still got a great AMOLED screen, and it's battery lasts much longer than most of its competition. And Dash charge is much faster than Samsung's fast charging. Did I mention it's only 500$? Selling my phone would make they $350! How tf is it even that cheap?
Look, I'm not saying other phones out there are bad. Not at all. Hell, I love Samsung's phones. But the 1+5 is just better than the S8 or any other current flagship.5
This is getting kind of annoying now. Everytime i am planned for a (small) project, there is less to no briefing and nobody has a clue what to do.
Then how the hell am i supposed to?2
Threading gui's and sockets...
What a painful day...
I honestly hate python dependency hell.
Started coding in python 2 months back, currently working on a distributed alarm system using rpi3's spent the whole day figuring out how to use it all without them all crashing into one another...2
I really wish people would stop with half arsed and uneducated comments.1
How to tell if someone is a software/hardware engineer with real talent or an incompetent tool:
[Walk up to person] whatcha doing there? You do any development or just playing around?
include namespace #meme
//My syntax is gonna be bad since I can only read (not write in any way) C type languages and still need to learn Go and Python. I just do hardware and implementation for infosec things right now
If(answer) is "I code a bunch. If you need any programming, I'm your guy;"
cout "tool" ;
If(answer) is "Hell if I know. Watch the terminal output while I pour another espresso and tell me if anything weird happens;"
cout "dev" ;
I thought that maybe it would be about time for me to answer this question....(yes, last day :D)
So, worst technology would be "xamarin". Why? Because it is buggy as hell and keeps breaking without touching it.
So, how bad is it? Imagine the worst thing that you can think of and multiply it by cancer, result would be xamarin
Kinda funny: even tho xamarin is own by Microsoft - it is less buggy on Mac6
My colleague is having fever with reactjs and tools. Why the hell a 5 pages static cooperate website of our own need to use webpack?! How often we need to update the site? And today he spent whole day configure his gulp and deployment automation. If I were him, I would have finish the task with bootstrap, jquery and filezilla.3
"I placed a bet on you. Not a bet like, with money but on the future: In my head, I see you as a senior in a couple years"
Mate how about waiting just enough to let me finish my studies so I can nope the fuck out of this hell hole of a job?1
I'm a developer, what have i been doind at my job the past weeks.TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE TO F*CKING FIX THE TEST ENVIRONMENT, SERVICES AND GIVE ME SOME PROPER TESTDATA, I cannot even test the stuff we need to replace because THERE IS NO WORKING TESTDATA AND NOBODY FEELS RESPONSIBLE TO HELP ME. Then how the hell am I supposed to rebuild this stuff if I don't know how it is working now >:(6
so my friend and I are canvassing NLEs for our guys at the Post Production squad in our project (we were in charge in infrastructure). We looked at Premiere since it's kinda ok until we found Black Magic Design's Da Vinci Resolve.
First of all, I was suprised with the price. 299 for the Studio Version? Holy fuck, that's cheap as hell! Then there's a free as in free software version which has the core editing features with 1080p rendering. So we grabbed that and kinda suprised it requires postgres but as seeing Resolve having collab and render queues, it makes sense.
Installed them on the PCs the postprods gonna use, they were amazed. We literally saved 500 bucks for an NLE. When they asked how much is it. Our reply was:
and there was silence...
"And it's also 299 bucks for the cooler version".
And silence still ensued.
Guess our guys wasted alot of money on a pipeline that is cheap as hell but more jam-packed than any other NLE found in the market.
Props to you BlackMagic Design.
Name a shittier API to hook into than Magento's REST API.
Protip: You can't.
[bit of context]
Building 3rd party integrations via their REST API and keep unearthing "WTF?!" architectural design moments. For example: Pulling down products tells you if it has a configurable parent (product to store all master options, etc)... but fuck me if I want to know what the sku of that parent is, or any other means of accessing it!
How the fuck M2 is such a major eCommerce platform is beyond me. WooCommerce in comparison however: Beautiful API, Beautiful documentation, a couple of limitations, no big deal. I love WooCommerce.
M2 makes me question why the hell I became a dev sometimes.2
My company was about to spend $15,000 per month to have a mobile presence engineered and maintained from a third party. The contract was for three years, so naturally, we wanted an exit clause. When they refused, we dropped the pen and decided to roll our own mobile. Those folks are morons...I don't make $15K for month...hell, I'll do it and give you an exit clause! It's amazing how much money corporations have to throw around.
"I'll buy the new iPhone because of its RAM"
"What amazes me of my new iPhone is its wonderful processor"
"I bought my iPhone because it let me free to do whatever I want"
- nobody, never
Seriously, have you ever seen someone saying that? Why the hell we nerd post things about how much is technically poorer an iPhone if compared with other phones when actually nobody cares about this? Come on, I'd never buy an iPhone as well, but I don't think this is the best way to change the other people' mind, I'm pretty sure that will increase the popularity instead.6
Wtf looking at a Pull Request today for styling 4 buttons...
750 lines of of CSS and not even able to style an anchor!!
How the hell is that even possible!!!1
Client: Hey, can you explain to me how this feature works? I'm totally confused.
Programmer: *explains the entire feature to client* Actually, you made the specs for this. *shows specifications document client created*
Client: Oh right. Sorry, completely forgot about that. It works great. But can we make some changes on...
OH HELL NO.
Okay so if a company decides to use md5 for hashing passwords after a million users already registered how the hell will they transition to any other way of storing passwords. As they don't have plaintext to convert them into the new hashing function.12
ATTENTION PLEASE! Important announcement following:
Please check your interface implementations for correct byteorder according specification BEFORE YOU START COMPLAINING ABOUT DATA FAILURES ON EXCHANGING DATA.
Freakin hell, if I'd get some money for every byte order mismatch on testing interfaces, I'd be a be a billionaire.
And why are all those highlevel I-know-every-fucking-framework developer incapable of checking the real memory content of a datatype, and the real data content on the interface even if you tell them that their byte order is obviously wrong?
No, your system is not the centre of the universe and I don't care how you get your less-than-32bit-datatypes-are-for-assembler-usage-frameworks to change byteorder. It's not rocket science, if there's no ready-to-use-function then write those 4 lines yourself.
Next time I get to specify an interface I'll go for mixed-endian, just to make sure everybody involved knows the concepts of endianess afterwards.2
I'm asked by a friend (writer)
F : dude, why you coder guys always show off ?
F : you guys compile just after writing few pages ..... Isn't it show off ?
M: yeah we do ...... to make sure the targeted users will not face any problem.....
F : that's the show off....... Have you seen any one publish a novel book with 2-6 page to make sure that targeted readers don't have any problems ......
Developing and deploying in Xcode is some Requiem for a Dream level bullshit.
I literally just de selected everything for managing automatic signing, and re-selected the EXACT SAME GODDAMN THING. And it worked. It’s literally some fucking shit you do when you are first learning how to code or learning a language and you keep flipping something but you don’t get exactly how it works.
But this is YOUR FUCKING FLAGSHIP development product. I shouldn’t have to check my goddamn inception totem to see if I’m dreaming or not because this kind of bullshit can’t be real life.
That being fucking said your bullshit forced shutdown also FUCKED MY ANDROID STUDIO INSTALLATION AND FUCKED MY $PATH. Thanks. Now NOTHING WORKS. Fuck you Apple. Between slowing my phone and the cluster or problems your shit is causing that are just random as hell and are plenty common because thank god people smarter than me have fixed them in SO by now, I am SO READY TO LEAVE THE APPLE ECO SYSTEM. If I didn’t have to use one of the boxes to push iPhone app updates I doubt I would touch one again.
Apple stuff looks good but at this point that’s about it.
Failed to make a decent demo for client because spaghetti code. I want to work on the project to sort out codebase to avoid same thing happening again, boss wont hear it and switches me to another project of which I have little knowledge of the stack when we have another guy who has experience in it.
My main project (the one I want to sort out) is so big it should have 4 people full time on it, but it has me and one part time outsourced contractor. I was hired as a meteor dev and he makes me work on an angular project like its totally easy to switch from meteor to node+angular+Jade.
I am a junior dev, boss has no idea how to project manage and ignores advice I give him.
This is going to be hell when we miss deadlines and have to explain to the client why their product has so many bugs.2
Last year in uni:
Module 1: Build two projects in a team using java
Module 3: build a website using python
Module 4: Rasperry PI with Matlab
*** I have to study C++ for the job I will be working at after uni..
I really want to specialise in C++ and finally get proficient in it, but hell no my curriculum requires me to know how to do the same exact thinf with 75668888765 languages... fs
Sometimes knowing how to program has this weird effect where you pick apart all tech that has some cross over into your field. I rarely visit a website without seeing something that makes me think, “who the hell thought that was a good idea”.
Lately though, as I learn more about the management side of things, I can see many more reasons that stupid things end up in good products. Lack of time and trying to over-engineering to cater for some odd edge case being the 2 biggest killers.
In 2018 I’m going to be a bit nicer about silly technical mistakes.2
I have workt until 01.00 in the morning on a private project and I have to say Im fairly surprised at the result. Rewriting scripts to make them more wider and powerful is kind of what I like to do (even if I never end up using them for anything but one thing, and its only to procrastinate) but its a hell of a job cause I havent learnt to follow a standard or remembering my already made up one. Im coding 2 correlating scripts for 3 hours without checking how they work cause Im bad getting them into a working state. After I thought I was done and got rid of minor syntex errors, my expetions were super low and I thought it would handikap a funktion. It wasnt even barely working, it was regularly old working. Im feeling cautiously smart. 😎
I find it hopeless to achieve anything with applications aimed at non-devs, such as PowerPoint. How the hell can it be so difficult to use the same theme in one presentation as in another? If it had been code, I would just have copied the XML, XAML, include, link, script or whatever code in whatever language on whatever platform from the old project and pasted it into my new project. But with "user-friendly" apps I have no control of how anything actually works. I give up, my presentation will be unthemed. Maybe it's for the better anyway, less distracting graphics.5
It's too early to be asking these questions today:
Are your DB schema changes checked into source control?
What branch are they checked into?
Why are the schema changes checked into one branch, but deployed to a completely different database?
Is my CI pipeline deploying incorrectly? Oh, you manually deployed changes.
Are your DB changes in source control an accurate reflection of what you actually put in the staging database?
Can I just cherry-pick update my schema with your changes from the staging database?
Why is there a typo in your field name?
Oh. Why is there a typo in the customer data set? Don't they know how to spell that word?
Why is the fucking staging database schema missing three critical tables?
Is the coffee ready? I need coffee.
Why is the coffee not ready yet?
What's going on in DevRant this morning?
What project am I working on now anyway?
Did my schema update finish yet?
Yup, it finished. Crap. Where the hell do I keep those backup files?
What's the command line to restore the file again?
Why doesn't our CLI tool support automated database restores?
I can fix that. What branch name should I check the CLI tool into?
What project was I working on this morning again?1
Let's start by saying that I fucken know nothing.
Not even how to fucken start this rant.
I have to build a simple game for a university project.
Since everyone in my team chose plain swing/awt, and for many other reasons, I jumped on that band wagon.
Knowing myself and that I quit the project last year, I chose an extremely simple type of game with very simple goals and Use-cases.
So far so good.
Logic, layer, and nearly everything else is nearly finished.
Since about 3 month.
Friends helped me restructure my game for better layer separation and I couldn't be happier with how that turned out.
But all those 3 month, my main problem has persisted.
I can't get it to draw a thing on the jframe.
For 3 month.
3 fucken month.
And now I don't even get a jFrame anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK
Git, tell me, what have I changed?
Nothing related to construction of the frame?
Ok, I removed a call to repaint there.
Let's putt it back.
NOPE, no JFrame.
What the actual fucken hell?
This is where you can stop reading, after this there will only be me crying about everything.
Sweet tears. 😭
In-between I got a frame, and something was drawn onto it.
But only on construction.
I couldn't get the paint chain to run a single time after that.
I have a nice thread with some loops that is supposed to update the logic and make a call to repaint/ update/ refresh the frame so that the game runs nicely with 60fps.
Logic works fine, but no call to what ever does anything related to painting.
This morning I had the idea that it might be because of the thread.
Refactored that the game loop runs in the main thread and here I now am without a jFrame.
And still 3255 letters to go.
I don't even even even even even..,...6
Before: why the hell my code isn't running?!! FML 😬
After: How and why the fuck is my code running!!
spent 3 days at internship looking for a bug that's stopping the program from running correctly all the way though
5 minuets before i have to leave I change a single value up 1 increment just because I've had it with the program and for some reason works perfectly just how I want it to SOME GOD DAMN REASON I DON"T KNOW YET
Today is just about me going through some reading for the next step and trying to figure out why the hell that worked1
How the hell does anybody follow the amount of brackets, quotes, single quotes and ` these things in MYSQL, I'm getting a hernia thinking about it.4
I'm quite confused about job market here in germany. Beside studies I'm working in a data center and have already some practical knowledge about programming stuff and managing applications. Although many companies I apply for say I need more experience. How the hell should I collect it if I don't get the chance to do so. Do you have seen this in other countries as well?5
In a sprint planning meeting. Getting frustrated. I guess it's my fault. I guess I assumed that attending the same schedule meeting each week meant that we all knew when everything was due. My bad.
Seriously, I fucking hate systems people sometimes. We have 4 major tasks coming down the pipe, but they are scheduled in such a way in which they are staggered. But they want to punt the 1 of the 4 that is fucking done because it is going to cause a lot of testing, but the other three aren't coming til end of next month AT LEAST. So they want to stick their thumbs up their ass holes and wait to test the other three before testing the one that, again, IS FUCKING DONE!!! Are they worried that a super massive black hole will spontaneously form in earth's orbit and cause time to run backwards and somehow cause December to happen in October!?!?
No wonder systems is so fucking far behind. They can't see the forest for the trees. They're so big picture that months and years are at the same level of granularity. Fucking hell how is scrum better than our current agile process again? Besides the fact that it makes me attend more useless meetings and get more angry.
They are punishing the left hand for the actions of the right. Systems wasn't doing their job so now software has to slow down and miss schedule.2
(I know this rant won't gather much attention, maybe there are just a bunch of people that know Redux and still less that used it in Angular).
I feel so bad, really, I just want to throw everything against the wall. I really hate ngrx, I hate redux and how it's de facto implemented in Angular. I talked with other developers and everyone around says that redux is hated only by people that don't understand it, and well, maybe it's stupid, but I hate it.
It's so different from Angular plain programming, why the hell I need to create a index.ts file? It looks so wrong.
Why the hell import * as reducer, why don't you just import the reducer?
Why do you need a switch statement? Really? We're in 2018, languages as python removed it, in the era of reactive programming why don't you just map a key to a function?
Why so many files? Why for a 20 rows module I've to write 5 files each of them twice longer?
Why so much boilerplate? The time spent at implementing everything will be ever gained back?
Why does everything looks so wrong?3
Ok. I'm working on a small website, and MOTHER OF OF WEB DESIGN.
I try to set up WAMP, but it takes me 2 F-ING DAYS.
SO THEN THE FREAKIN HTML SCRIPT REFUSES TO WORK. AND THEN, ONCE I FINALLY GET MY HOPES UP, WAMP DECIDED TO JUST NOT WORK TODAY, SO I SPEND 3 HOURS FIXING THAT CRAP, AND THEN AFTER THAT PIECE OF HELL, I CAN'T FIND ANY EXAMPLE CODE OUTSIDE OF ADVANCED WEB DESIGN, SO I SIFT THROUGH THAT, JUST TO FIND HOW TO MAKE IT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL A DATABASE IS. THAN I REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO INSTALL MIRE PROGRAMS. THAN, I REALIZE THIS GUY IM LISTENING TO IS USING A MAC OS X ALTERNATIVE. SO IM DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET THIS TO WORK. AND THEN, *POOF* ALL MY WORK IS UNREADABLE SPAGHETTI.
ALL FOR A DAMNED TEST.
TL;DR, Php is not good if your working offline.10
!rant && load('epilogue');
So I saw my little brother yesterday and... Hell, I don't know. The addiction thing is less a thing that I expected, it's just that he can't find anything else to do than going on minecraft multiplayer servers and play, play, play. Gotta be honest, his life outside high school is pretty boring.
I mean, if I were him with this the few responsibilities, I'd be even worst than him, so how can I blame him?
Still, I had a big discussion with him where I tried to make him see what could go wrong if he fails (in a soft way), and helped him with french and english homeworks (french is our native language but a pain in the ass to learn 😁).
I do believe that saying all this "plz don't ruin your life this early plz" stuff had made him react, I just can't tell how deep and for how long. My main goal was to make sure that he won't feel helpless if he ever struggles for whatever reason.
However, since kids don't get shipped with a README.md, I just hope I did the right thing at the right time, and that he'll actually remember this discussion. But fuuuuck, he's 11 years old 😓😓
Side notes, I asked him about being a developer but it's pretty obvious that it was too early to speak with him about this. Might try again next year or the year after.
Thoughts ? I'll try to answee to you all2
Why the hell does NOBODY, including Apple, figure out, how USB-C is supposed to work? I'm tired of shifty half-assed implementations with some having no USB 3.1 (Apple), some not supporting current DisplayPort standards (Apple, Dell) or limiting the speed to USB2.0... *GAAAAH*
Future seems to suck pretty hard.3
I started using angular about one month ago, I did a long course and now I'm trying to do my first commercial app.
I have to say I really really hate the template engine of angular, I've been web developing for about 5 years, I've used bootsrap, materialize and foundation.
It rally sucks how it's all different in angular, their fucking gryd system didn't even use classes, use weird html tags, and the angular material has very very poor examples and documentation.
Another shitty thing is the Google search, when I search any shit about angular or angular material I have to watch careful if it is angularjs or only angular because most folks switch the names without any criteria.
Why the hell Google has to make a framework so incompatible with standard shit? Why it has to be a pain to use a fucking framework after 5 years of experience?
If someone can give me an advice I will be grateful1
I saw a thing on the Workplace stack exchange site. This college kid with no in industry experience read the false narrative that "pitting your testers against your developers for bonus money encourages better productivity and bug free code". And thought it sounded good on paper. This worries me in many ways (especially since he wants to make a startup). The first being that he couldn't see how both sides would game the hell out of such a system, which I feel any worthwhile engineer types would easily figure out. The second is seeing money as the major motivating force behind software devs doing their jobs. I had a third but I am tired.
But seriously, who is still writing this bullshit (that article, not the kid's question) in 2016?
Just upgraded to macOS High Sierra (10.13.1), and holy cow it is buggy as hell.
Some of my findings include:
1. unresponsive "cancel" button on certain dialog boxes.
2. erratic behaviour of the "show password" checkbox.
guess how is trying to downgrade until the requisite patches arrive?2
I learned over this weekend that there are no good tape backup systems for Linux. Oh sure, there are a couple of open source projects like Bacula and AMANDA, but they're both a bit too much on the .conf file hell side for me. And fuck literally everything about .tar scripts.
And then you've got things like Backup Exec that, while having its own problems like not being hostable on a Linux machine, will talk to a Linux machine and its connected tape devices with very little hassle.
Linux people: UX is important! Licenses for expensive software are often cheaper than teaching people how to use obtuse systems!1
I got an interview with the first company that has ever taken me seriously in 8 days (Oct 5). It's not the technical interview yet, but I'm still really fucking nervous. I really don't want to screw this up and i would love to finally be a professional...ish software/web developer; not to mention I kinda need a new job since being put on call at my current workplace (tourism's slow season). I got a lot of future plans hanging on the outcome of this at this point, and I can't shake the negative feeling that things aren't going to work out how I want them to, but at the same I feel confident enough to say within myself that I got this--what the hell is wrong eith me? 😥😥😥6
NPM modules are supposed to make us save our time, but very often, after hours and hours of juggling I end up write by myself those fucking functions.
And I'm not talking about unknown packages made by a bored guy in a lazy Sunday, I'm talking about fucking well known modules like passport. OH MY GOD. How much sucky is the passportJS documentation? There are fucking hundreds of options and they are not referenced anywhere if not on StackOverflow. When you login in a website thousands of things can go wrong, why the hell do you always send that shitty 401 and you don't let me control the code? They are two fucking days I'm trying to fix it and I realized I could write that function in 2 minutes if I just didn't use passport. FUCK7
(first rant. woot!)
What the fuck are people eating in this office?? How the hell do they manage to spray paint the entire back side of the toilet bowl with a thick layer of fudge? Why the fuck would they think everyone else needs to see their spray painting skills?1
Why the hell doesn't Go have generics?? You have to teach Go how to access elements of a list n times if you have n things that need to be sorted!1
Calm down, all of you! I know that a lot of you hate Facebook, whatsapp, Snapchat and Co. And yes, WhatsApp's new status feature complete bullshit and just shows how anti competitive Facebook can be. But who cares? Don't use the feature if you do not like it. Texting didn't change in any way. Ignore the feature. There is probably other software out there that added stuff and you disliked. Did it make you stop using them? Probably not. You just ignored those. Deal with it :D and stop fucking ranting about it. Reading the same shit all over again after waking up. Frustrating as hell!3
web dev is hell, really, how hard can it be to add a background-image to the body in a mobile.
seriously, I had it fixed, left bottomx no repeat and contain, just that! as simple as it can be (not really, it would be simple if it hadn't vas at all)
"it works great, but your page can only have one paragraph, more text than that and I will ignore your background in your phone" this is the css talking.
fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!
Hell yeah, I love that feeling! I have absolutely no idea about working with the LEMP stack (nginx in particular) and I'm slowly figuring out how to get it working. Even tho I just noticed that chrome doesn't support npn for http/2 and that I am still up (GMT+1) I wanna continue working in this project. Man, I love that feeling <31
//Not meant to be a rant
I'm doing the doc for a uni project and IDK how to comment our interfaces (not talking about the methods - I can get my way around those) (it's a pair work and my colleague told me to do the doc because I type faster than her 😛 I don't really mind tbh). What should I write as a description of the interface, everything I think about sounds stupid LoL
For example: there's an interface for an activity (which requires 3 arguments to create an object Activity). Do I simply go like
/ * *
* ( we have to put our names )
Or should I write something more/else? Any tips?
This is bugging me all the way to hell and back
Darn Wednesday! At my work we finish half an hour later on Wednesdays than on other days of the week. I often remember this halfways out of the building and then turn back. What a waste of time! I like regularity, same work hours every day, please. This added half hour is not my employer's fault though. It's because of some stupid twits in the Finnish government who decided that everybody in Finland including Åland Islands has to work half an hour extra every week - without getting paid! Why? To "make the nation more competitive". Those braindead Finnish politicians seriously believe their own crap? How the hell can any country be more "competitive" by pissing off their workforce? I mean, if a country is competing about anything, that should be citizens = tax payers and successful companies = also tax payers.
I'm wasting fucking hours to crop a fucking svg file!
I swear, I tried in all the ways, firstly I didn't want to download a software so I searched for some online editor, I tried fucking 10 of them, but none of these had a way to crop images. How the hell should I be able to craft images if I'm not able to decide the size, eh?
I read online that inkscape gives a lot of problems when it's about to crop images, and of course I didn't want to pay illustrator to fucking crop a file, so in the end I decided to give a chance to inkscape. The website gives me 502 bad gatweay.
FUCKING CROP AN IMAGE.
TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHTEEN2
A lot of you here rant about devs being arogant or expecting you to think for a little bit with own head and then write a proper string that will help dev answer straightforward without guessing what the author smoked or so for which there's even a tutorial made (wasn't there always). But I don't see any rants about the other side of the coin.
Let's say you are a random dude, not even that arogant type. You see a question, no answers, everyone piss on that question because it's just a mess. Yet you find yourself in a good mood, so let's help the poor soul with th trouble. Answer like from a book for kids, fully explained example and...
No points, no accepted answer, but not even any feedback! Was my answer wrong? Did I miss something? How can I improve it? Was the example too complicated?
This is exactly the type of idiot that deserves a kick in the ass. It's no site, for hanging spam! Why the hell does that kind of idiot think there's even an option for own answer? People will come back to the question eventually and what will they found? An answer, which probably isn't even correct!
(not really talking about a specific answer/question, so no need to search)
This summer I have a goal to master web development(nice joke, I know, but you get my point...). Html, CSS, Javacript, Python-Django etc and a website that is getting better all the time. But I have a big problem, something that really bothers me. I lack in understanding. I set up servers following tutorials and God help me if something doesn't work, I use patterns and libraries I barely know what they're made of, technologies that are totally strange to me. Right now, I'm totally confused of whether I need to have my database on a different server, or a dbaas, what the hell do I do if static files pile up etc. What can I do to get myself out of this path? Any books, courses, whatever, that teach not only the how but also the why? Thank you5
So I read about how NAND mirroring worked as a proof of concept on brute forcing the pass code in Iphone 5c. After reading a few paragraphs, I didn't understand how the researcher came to know what to do with certain challenges along the way. What the hell did I do in my 5 years of studying engineering? I better go back to the basics.
how the hell I am supposed to give £1000 for the TNW conference. :( I really wanted to visit it, but I am poor :D3
What kind of fucking IDE changes the order of the open file tabs randomly?!?
I need to deal with multiple files and I really don't want to search for the file tab every fucking time I need it! It even gives the option to move tabs around as to arrange them as you wish. How is that helpful when the next time a file is opened the arrangement goes to hell?!
Fuck. I wish this IDE didn't have such a good debugger so I'm not stuck with it.1
So I'm looking for jobs ATM related to the web business and a find the one job that kind of appeals to me, (it's basically a social network for business) I head over to the site and see that 1. The designs shit as hell and 2. I pull out my 1337 web dev hacks and what do you know the sites vulnerable to MySQL injections!!! How gr82
Usually it's customer support.
We are a small team, so developers handle support, on a rotation basis though. But this is a hell lot of distraction because of the context switch. :(
Sometimes there are really disturbing tickets like how do I call this API using HTML? (*cries in spanish)1
How the hell do you interrupt a download in Sublime FTP???!!! Any obvious hot key such as Ctrl+C doesn't work, and there's not a word about how to interrupt an operation in the docs of Sublime FTP.15
One year ago I graduated from university college,
Thought I had a stack overflowing with knowledge.
How wrong can one man be?
Very wrong, apparently...
Even though I only had a bachelor degree,
I landed a job at a nearby company.
Today I'm maintaining the code I wrote back then,
Seriously wondering if I could just write it all again.
The code I wrote I would consider a crime,
But it's good to see improvement over such a short time.
I still dread coming back to this code in another year,
Thinking yet again; "What the hell went wrong here?".2
What the ****? I added a call to one method, how the hell it could broke it so badly?
> Compile failed with 1163 errors; see the compiler error output for details.3
So I do some custom integrations for a local bank. A customer is referred to me by the Bank, we failed to o agree on the price by about 100usd. The customer the goes to some old timer who doesn't even know the difference between php and asp. Then new 'dev' can't figure out how to do the integration and then turns to me to do the work for him for 1/3 of what I had charged the client. Don't know if I should tell him to go to hell or call the customer and ask him to get a hire someone who can differentiate between his nose and ass hole.1
So my boss moved me to build some software to IoT devices we have because he didn't have the time to do it. But I haven't used C since college (I mostly use Java), but I'm trying to handle it. But right now we are developing a feature that is taking longer than expected and he comes over and tells me how easy it is to do it. Really? You were trying to do it that way for a shit ton of time and it didn't work, do you really expect it to work because it's me? Fucking hell!
trying to figure out why this folder is allowing restricted files formats to run, and finding nothing but 'It's a windows folder' what the hell internet DX my school runs windows and it's in that directory children aren't allowed to mess with, of course it's a damn windows folder, but how can I stop them from running viruses accidentally in that folder without causing windows to stop working
Back to god damn research
Thank you for your time
Which encryption library do you people use with c/c++? I'm trying to use openssl but well there is more documentation about how to replace my own heart in the dark than on that. Also most of the structs have missing declarations hell yeah its nice to have a EVP_PKEY but what's that? Oh I know it's a evp_pkey_t and what's that? Nothing apparently. Comments? You kidding??? A proper library doesn't have them...3
Seo bullshit!! How the hell do people do it. My site sits in a desert wasteland. I wish I cloud figure the search engine / traffic thing. Any tips.6
That feeling when you realize that the REST API you were trying to consume apparently does not provide a query flag to get for a more detailed response making you think you'll need to fetch one list of items and then fire almost 1,000 requests really does not compare to that feeling when a colleague points out that the REST API in question does in fact support the flag AFTER you implemented the roundabout way.
I just didn't realize that I could click on GET and POST blocks for the metronome API documentation opening up a frigging pop-up. (See screenshot.)
Why couldn't the information have been more upfront? Only a cursor change on hovering the area could make one thing to click there.
Oh how I blame their lack of a user interface for my blindness.
I thought that it was just a basic documentation that only told you which endpoints exist and expects you to learn by trial of fire. So I searched the interwebs and on their support forum I found an old issue making me think that my round-about way was the way to go m(
Even worse, on the support forum I cannot even leave a comment warning the poor souls comming after me that they should not do the roundabout way as that issue has been long closed.
If you want to see it yourself: https://dcos.github.io/metronome/...
How in the hell did I manage to learn to program in C++ without actually writing the code for past 2 weeks?
I still haven't manage to transition from Notepad++ to Sublime although the former is crap and I ranted about it already several months ago. I just can't seem to find the time it takes to configure Sublime to my likings. It seems like a great IDE, but it's hell to set up an FTP browser like the one in Notepad++. Of course I have googled (or rather binged) the problem, and tried suggested solutions but still no joy. How hard can it be to just set up an FTP connection to my web host and browse its directories/files in a sidepane? How do I achieve this, anyone have good advice to share?4
I am doing a POC for someone I've only met once... The POC wasn't a ton of work and the expectations were realistic. We are going to meet again soon and discuss more things, and eventually decide if we want to do business together.
I have absolutely no idea how to tell if this person is legit and able to do the things they say they can. They claim to be able to sell the product they want to make and allegedly have contacts in the industry. They are not a programmer, and want to vet my friend and I. If things go well, it could mean a lot of money. If they don't, it's a lot of wasted time. I suppose that's true for any start up.
This is when i hate being an awkward engineer. I don't have the knowledge or, quite frankly, the people skills to make this kind of judgement.
Have you ever been part of a start up where you were 50% of the engineering team? If so, did you know the partners ahead of time? How the hell do you vet someone with a skill set that is the exact opposite of yours?1
For the last two months, I've been taking online courses in using Selenium (website testing tool) under C# and Java. The courses have you set-up the testing framework in something called Page Object Model. What the hell?? I've been doing this since 2010 under 3 different tools. You mean the industry adopted it as a standard and gave it a name and I never knew this?! ARGH!! Time to update the resume again and say how long I've been using this type of testing framework (since before it had an official industry name).
It is nice to see work I have been doing for years has become an industry standard. Wish I had known that when I was putting my resume together back in March so I could have included that. Damn it, I wonder how many jobs I missed out on by not having that already in my resume.
When 10 months old article about possible problems and how to avoid with mocha, chai and es8 is outdated as hell...
But the problem is that only in the comments did they write that it is outdated!12
I'm having a hell of a time figuring out how to use atom editor with my website somebody please direct me to the right package!!2