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Dear unknown StackExchange random dude,
You don't know me, I don't know you, but, let's be honest : I came here to get answers, not to get my question fucking edited.
Regards,
Go fuck yourself25 -
When you are a Dev but you don't want to be single
Girl: what's your profession?
Me: I am a writer
Girl: Cool! What do you write?
Me: I write code😎18 -
In a meeting after I explained that the user passwords will be encrypted before we save them in the database
Them: "Please don't do that, we don't want to change our clients data"
Me: " so we should save the clear text?"
Them: "Yes"
😒9 -
Just called Asus for a problem with my router, went to send them my systemlog.txt for analysis
"Oh we don't have an email you can send that to"
Me: "(me calling bullshit) let me talk to the tech team.."
*Get transferred*
"Hello this is the supervisor"
Me: "fml"
"Ya we don't have an email you can send that to, but we can use a different departments verification services to get a file from you, has to be a picture though"
Me: "What? I got a .txt file here, I just want to get it to you, does it really have to be a picture?"
"Has to be a picture or a PDF, we can't take txt files"
Me: "fkin.. srsly? Fine"
I can't believe Asus's system srsly. I think it's for virus protection, but viruses can be embedded in both picture formats and PDF, but not in txt. So wtf is going on lol15 -
- Girl: I don't understand how some people can be so foolish and decide to study computer science.
- Me: Hm, true. So what did you study?
- Girl: Tourism and sports science. And you?
- Me: Nothing. I'm a truck driver.18 -
Me: Did Sherry let you know that I'm leaving today?
Coworker: what!? No!
Me: yeah... I'm leaving.
Coworker: huh, I'm not surprised...
Me: what is that supposed to mean!?
Co: shit man, this job sucks, I'm not surprised. I'll be leaving right behind you.
Me: oh.... Um... April Fools... 😬
Co: God damnit.
Me: don't worry, I won't tell the boss how you really feel.4 -
Real conversation:
Coworker: I'm trying to classify data based on X
Me: Mhh. Seems like a hard task, we don't have data to figure out X
Coworker: I know! That's why I thought about using machine learning!
Me: (Oh, boy)
Coworker: I'm working on training this ML model that will be able to classify based on X
Me: and what are the inputs for your training?
Coworker: The data classified based on X
Me: And where did you get that from?
Coworker: I don't have it! That will be the output of my ML model!
Me: But you just said that was the input!
Coworker: Yes
Me: Don't you see a contradiction here?
Coworker: Yes, it's a pretty complicated problem, that's why I'm stuck. Can you help me with that?
Me: (Looking at my watch) Sorry I'm late for a meeting. Catch up later, bye!14 -
Someone hacked into a teacher's school district email, sending random stuff to the juniors.
When the principal sent an email saying any help in catching the perpetrator would be appreciated, a bunch of people from my classes were staring at me throughout the day.
Programmer != hacker
I hope they don't report me, I didn't do it. :/30 -
Sales Guy: Hey Man, you know what? you should go back to college and advance your knowledge in Software Engineering. This way you will be an expert in programming and handling the Servers.
Me: I started programming at the age of 17 and started handling servers by the age of 18. Can I ask you something if you don't mind?
Sale Guy: Yea sure I don't mind anything
Me: Get the fuck out of here8 -
"Don't be the smartest person in the room. If you are, you're in the wrong room."
This piece of advice really holds true and continues to push me into fulfilling and challenging positions in my career.6 -
Me: Hey Dave, wanna hear a TCP joke?
Dave: Uhh, sure...
Me: OK I'll tell you a TCP joke..
Dave: Please don't.
Me: Are you ready to receive my TCP joke?
Dave:...
Me: OK I'm sending my TCP joke. It'll be 4 words long and 27 bits large.
Dave:... Screw this, I'm going home now.
6 -
A more experienced friend told me
"don't be a pussy, test in production"
I'm the one fixing the bugs, not him
8 -
Everyone that finds out you're an app dev: "So I have this multimillion $$$ idea!"
Me: "I'll do it for $100."
Everyone: "$100!? I'm giving you the chance to be part of the next best thing!"
Me: "Well I guess the 'next best thing' isn't even worth $100."
I literally don't even like telling people what I do 😒5 -
Friend(non dev): Hey. Do you know how much it costs to maintain an app?
Me : Well that depends. What are you planning to do?
Friend: Something like Trivago. But small.
Me: That still doesn't tell me anything
Friend: Come on. Just give a number. How hard can it be?
Me: 42. *facepalm*
Friend: See wasn't that hard. Was it?
Me: *thinking* Don't correct him. Just let him be.19 -
Thursday
PM: Hey why is A delayed? It should be top priority.
me: I just completed B, and C which were also top priority but got scheduled earlier, so I thought they..
PM: Agh, yes. But can you then finish A by the end of week? it would be very important!
me: No, I unfortunately don't think I'd have enough time by the end of wee..
PM: Why? This should be *the* top priority task. You should not start other tickets before A is done.
me: Exactly. But I *just* started. And. I. don't. have. enough. free. hours. left. this. week.
PM: But why?!
me: So just on Friday I have these 5 meetings here..
*shows calendar*
PM: Ok... OK! Then don't attend those before you are done. This should be more important.
me: Ugh, oh-key...are you sure?
PM: Yea, just let who invited you know that you can't attend and feel free to cc me in, I'll explain A is most important atm.
me: Ok, thanks, but that won't be necessary.
PM: What? Why?
me: You invited me to the Friday meetings.
Obviously I had to attend all 5 meetings today and A is pushed back to next week. :)10 -
So many people are applying for computer science majors that it's making me nervous.
My classmates don't know shit about tech yet almost all of them are applying for CS. It's even the most popular ranked major in the US.
I don't think I stand a chance against them. They all have higher GPAs than me, and they participate in clubs and sports.
If those cave people get accepted I'm not going to be too happy about it.61 -
Gavin: "Christina, so how bad is this? Be honest. Is this windows Vista bad? It is not iPhone 4 bad, is it? Fuck, don't tell me this is Zune bad."
Christina: "Sorry Gavin. It is Apple Maps bad."12 -
Every teacher of every course ever:
"This will be the hardest course you've ever done"
"This will be the most fun course you've ever done"
"You will need to put in 40hrs to even get a sufficient mark"
hah! don't make me laugh!6 -
So this fucking neighbour of mine just asked me how can I be an engineer if I don't have a printer :/ and then he asked me to create a ticketing system (he is a travel agent) for free because it's just a software.13
-
My very first meeting with a new client:
Client: We need to launch in 6 weeks. Do you think you can hit that deadline?
Me: Do you have a spec for what needs to be done?
Client: No we don't.
Me:
3 -
Me: *Working on my game*
Partner: What are you working on?
Me: Just starting out some basic AI
Partner: Why are you writing 'if' and 'switch' so much? Is that what AI can be?
Me: Look away! Don't break the illusion!
I then sat back in my chair and realised AI isn't really that intelligent...7 -
IT Manager: What kind if attachment did you send me in that email?
Me: A .zip?
IT Manager: ...?
Me: A zip file? Zipped Folder?
IT Manger: ...?
Me: Umm... the data file you needed has to be sent in a zip folder because 6 different file types combine to make it? Just download the .zip and extract?
IT Manager: I don't know how to extract the files?
Me: ...14 -
Boss : "just" hack the google AdWords and show our company ad everywhere on google search"
"Don't you know that everything can be hacked?"
Me : "Ok, first let me ***k you."
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I mean "let me hack you"8 -
Her "it's just a Web portal how long can it take"
Me "it's a completely custom content management system. It will take time."
Her "well how long then?"
Me "a good six/seven weeks. With a lot of overtime."
Her "oh don't be so dramatic, just use WordPress."9 -
My Senior php backend team leader told me I could choose a new laptop, he said:
"You could always choose a mac, and be a real developer"
mean while I was already downloading ubuntu, and replied
"No thanks, I don't do html/css"11 -
Boss: Don't be afraid to break things
Me: *breaks things*
Boss: Why did you break things?
Me: ...
I tried something new. Otherwise, I am hitting a wall. -
Caller: My client looking for experienced developer in Technology X,Y and Z are you open for new position?
Me: But I don't know this X and Y, I only use Z!
Caller: Please add them to your CV and send it to me so I can pass it to the client...
Me: But I don't know it!
Caller: Neither me nor the client know it also, please update the CV...
Me: How many years of experience should I add then?
Caller: 3 years will be OK!
Me: §¢“°©™|-=]%5 -
So many interruptions!
So many distractions!
I just want to fucking finish this refactor. I dont' care about meetings, texts, bloody office game tournaments, lunchtime, gossip, or people trying to be friendly. Just let me fucking work!
If you see me rocking out with my headphones on and working furiously, seriously, just don't fucking interrupt. I'll bite.16 -
!Rant
Senior dev from another team comes up to me:
"you alright? Looks like you're struggling with something. Want me to give you a hand?"
And my personal favourite:
"feel free to slack me whenever you need help. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Only way to learn is to ask"
He also recommended me some books and resources to read.
I left work today motivated af!1 -
first day of new junior.
me : tell me what you know about inheritance
junior : don't look at me, we're very poor, if my parent's die i wont get a single dime
me(in my head) : this is gonna be fun.4 -
People who don't understand what I code or who don't even know what a freaking "code" is, telling me how to do my job!! Then my reaction will be like -
2 -
QA: Please Look at this Defect.
Me: Okay not a problem!
QA: Thanks
Me: <Starts to look at Defect>
QA: 2 mins later. Do you have an ETA on when it will be fixed?
Me: Not yet, I'm still looking at it.
QA: Do you know what time it can be fixed? I have a deadline.
Me: I don't know what's wrong yet, I can't tell you when it will be fixed if I don't know what's wrong.
QA: Okay. Update Me.
Me: Opens Dev Rant.5 -
Interviewer: I don't understand. With a resume and portfolio like yours you shouldn't be applying to companies like us. You should be setting your sights on companies like Google/Meta. You'd be bored here after everything you've done so far. I know we're offering more money than your current position but you're worth more believe me. I'm going to keep looking, and so should you. But you need to aim higher.
Dev: ...
Well fuck me I guess?18 -
Banks be like
You don't have much money?
Here, let me keep taking some of that from you until you get more, k?
Oh, that was more than you had?
Now you owe me even more, nerd.
What, you can't pay that either?
Better ask me for a loan so you can pay off your debt to me. Loser.
What? You still can't pay?
I'm gonna take your everything!30 -
If Katie calls one more time, I'll hunt her down.
I said I don't want to be on your stupid caller's list. She said okay, then proceeds to call me 50 more times today.9 -
Me: Browsing the security of a website.
Tell the website developer that they are using the SHA-1 hashing algorithm for encrypting the credentials of it's registered users.
Them: Yeah, so what?
Me: You shouldn't be using an algorithm which was exploited years ago in the age of 2016.
Them: Don't worry, nothing will happen.
Me: *facepalm*6 -
tl;dr Either I'm being incredibly touchy, or half of everyone I've interacted with is being a total jerk to me today.
I also feel like I'd be overreacting if I responded in a bitchy way, so =/ I must be nice despite everyone's behavior.
I don't want to people today.
I want to sleep.10 -
Dad: "Install this apk for me"
*try it and installation fails*
Me: "I checked the repo and it's for a much older version of Android. Won't work for you."
Dad: "Don't be a quitter. It can definitely be done."
Please stop asking me for help.6 -
It bothers me that IntelliJ IDEs and Documents on Google Drive don't require Ctrl + S to be pressed to save a file.
That's like my birthright taken away from me!8 -
During a random meeting for a project:
PM: We'll need you to learn Go for this project. It says you know python in your job skills, so it should be easy.
Me: Uh, hiiii. I'm in security, not development. Can't help you, I really shouldn't even be here.
PM: I think Go has security built-in, does that help?
Me: ... I don't know, you need a developer.
PM: Do you know any Go people?
Me: I think that's something you should know.
- Silence enters the room -
PM: Yes perhaps, but you don't know anyone?
Fucking wat?8 -
Focus on algorithms first and syntax last. Solve problems, then code.
If it uses power, has an I/O interface, and stores code, you can do stuff.
Dont get caught up in the little shit like specific code formatting and who's right or wrong between tabs or spaces. (It should be TABS anyway.)
Don't take shit from anyone.
Be confident not cocky.
Learn GIT as much as you can.
Don't burn out.
Get up and stretch.
Don't argue with your Operating Systems professor about why you shouldn't have to learn Linux.
Don't fall into the "I want to be a game developer" trap. Make your own games on your own time. You won't learn shit at school about it.
9/10 of the real world workforce is who you know, so don't be a dick. Those people might be the difference between Ramen noodles and steak dinner for you.
Charge market competitive rates and set an hourly rate that defines the clientele you deal with.
Don't ever, EVER, do trade or spec work. Free work don't pay the bills. Always start the clock when you're not sleeping, eating, or shitting. If you're emailing, calling, texting, or otherwise interacting with or on behalf of a client, bill them. Don't be a bitch when they decide they don't want to pay you. Get yours. Watch "Fuck You. Pay Me." at least once a month on YouTube.9 -
You know how it is when all your friends know you as the "computer guy".
Friend: Yo, I need this small script for school, can you do it for me?
Me: I don't really...
Friend: Come on, pretty please.
Me: See I...
Friend: I'll pay you good for this.
Me: Oh... What language does it have to be in, Python? JavaScript? Ruby? Perl? I don't know it but it shouldn't be too hard, I can learn it. Bash? Not a fan but it's quite easy. So what is it?
...
Friend: Visual Basic
Me: oh...
This was last week. 2017. A couple of days before 2018. Some schools still teach VB. Not even VB .NET.
(He had about 200 good reasons so I did it anyway. But boy, has that been a chore)11 -
Conversation between me (intern) and a guy from communications, let's call him Bob.
Bob: "Hey, client X wants these pages to be changed."
Me: "Again? Last time I changed them was less than a week ago!"
Bob: "Yeah, everyone thinks X is a pain in the ass, but hey, more money for us."
Me: "But you don't pay me..."
Bob: "Oh yeah, you're right haha XD."
Me: "Haha... :')"2 -
This might come off like i'm so full of myself, but its just true.
This probably happens to so many other girl devs as well, so this might be relatable.
Why can't guys at school, work, etc. just be friends with me? They often start liking me as more than a friend, causing me to disappoint them that I don't, and then they don't want to be friends anymore.
I get it, there aren't many developer, 'gamer', reasonably attractive girls out there, but damn it kinda sucks :/.31 -
!rant
People : Hey, cool wallpaper. Where did you get it from?
Me :
for (Person p : People){
if(p.equals("dev"))
return "It's from somewhere you'd love to be and never come back!";
else
return "Ahh..internet..wait, guess what? Don't bother!";
}
6 -
I don't have any laptop stickers. I don't know if that makes me insane or one of the non-crazy people. I just don't like the idea of turning my laptop into a Nascar of tech companies/frameworks/bad Linux jokes. Not to mention stickers can be a real pain to get off.13
-
A: Can you tell me your opinion about this? Please, be honest.
Me: Ok, I think you could do it in a different way, but let's talk about what you did and see how to make it better...
A: I don't think so, I think this is the best way to do it.
Me: Oh, OK.
A: Why are you always complaining about my job?
Me: Well, you just asked me, and I work on this too, so I thought...
A: I don't think you're collaborative enough with me!
Me [walking away]: Oh, OK...6 -
Group projects in computer science usually go like this for me:
Me: Want to be in a Group?
Group member: sure
Me: okay, we can discuss the project and start coding some stuff tomorrow
Group member: I don't have a laptop, won't get one till two weeks
Me: -_-
Also me: fuck off -
Early morning I walk in to a build failure email.
"Oh shit! It failed and I'm on the Cc list."
.
"Please don't be me. Please don't be me. Didn't I build it already?" *compulsively launches local build*
*Ctrl-C's current build and feels angry for doubting self*
*Repeats, while trying to replay the incidents of last night in the head.*
"Fuck this. I'm certain I built the module."
.. scrolls email ..
"This is not even my change!"
.. scroll ..
"This is not even my code base!"
*feels foolish, but MAJORLY relieved* -
Mate: I think we should use firebase for our project.
Me: why?, I don't think our project require firebase
Mate: I think there should be some use of firebase in our project.
Me: *madly Explains complete project architecture why we don't need real-time database*
Mate: *not accepting* there should be use of firebase, I'll think and tell you
Me: *Flips table* 😡5 -
- Go to sleep early
- Get up at 5-6
- Drink quality coffee
- Work at your desk not from the bed or couch
- Don't start new projects until the last one is done
- Have a good and healthy diet
- Excercise frequently
Essentially don't be like me... Be like anyone else but me and you'll do fine...15 -
My boss, who can't code, just gave me a bug to fix and said should be a quick fix...
It might be, but since you can't code, maybe don't assume
🤦♂️5 -
My relatives: "Can you fix my computer/ipad/etc..."
Me: "Sure why not. I'l take a look when I have the time"
Lesson: Don't be so arrogant.2 -
Client: Hey, our form isn't working properly.
Me: What's the problem?
Client: Don't know.
Me: ...
Please be more specific!!3 -
I have been a team leader for about 2-3 years. My boss announced that the company will be accepting WordPress Development services and it will be fucking assigned to me and I will be given a new team. Don't get me wrong but WordPress has been my bread & butter when I'm still a college student for I have to fund my own tuition and apply for free-lance and part time jobs. But those days have been a pain in the ass and I don't want to experience those days anymore. Well, I will definitely going to look for a new job. Bye2
-
Here's a conversation I had at work:
Me: "this project that I've inherited, aside from the UI problems it has, it also has severe code problems that need to be fixed"
Project Manager: "I don't care about the code. The code is not my concern. Don't waste time on it and just make the app look good."5 -
When interviewing for a .NET position, ask which language they work in! Don't assume it to be C#. Even when you do and pass your technical test in C#. This is how I found out a few days into my current job I'd now be working in Visual Basic. Part of me thinks they hid the truth on purpose :(9
-
Recruiter: Hey! I found your CV and think you'd be great for this position.
Me: You clearly haven't read my CV. I don't know, nor have ever worked with anything you've mentioned. Why are you wasting my time? -
I'm so weary of JS right now but every time i want to code something in another language i just think:
"Why don't i just do this in JS. Would be much easier."
Please help me.13 -
So this just happened... not to me, but at my friend's company.
The devs are being congratulated and spurred on for working late! I don't know about you, but this is not the kind of culture that should be encouraged.
15 -
Client: Don't be afraid to charge us as it is must, we know your work is very valuable.
Me: Ok... *delivers the price*
Client: mmmmm... we thought it might be cheaper 😰
Me: 😒1 -
Didn't expect starting a react native project would be this cumbersome, well.. the environment setting was.
Anyway, I am ready for a new possibility B-)
*please don't judge me :p
34 -
LinkedIn feels like:
- be bombarded with recruiters messaging you
- people you don't know bragging about joining a company
- more people you don't know sharing useless advice for tons of corporate crap
Is just me or anyone feels the same?13 -
Just got a signed contract for a new client's project. PLEASE don't be crooks! PLEASE pay me on time. PLEASE don't make my life miserable. Like the last one did.2
-
Coworker: "Yeah, I know the code module is 25K lines of code, but don't try to break it up. At some point I realized that they just have to be that big."
Me: 😦3 -
Client be like :
I want this feature to be added
No I don't,
No I want,
No I don't,
let me fuck you up then I will decide.1 -
I hate when someone throws at me some task all of sudden with a tight deadline.
Wednesday was one of those days.
manager: we want to remove all the offices because of our tight budget this year (multimillionaire company, lol), everyone will use office 365;
me: ahn... ok, but everything was already tested? Some macros, routines, old documents can be a big problem, as far I know (I don't use M$ at home, servers are Linux, so I really don't know about that). I can do some tests, only will need some real documents to make sure everything will do fine;
manager: yeah, yeah, everything will be fine, the high management already decided, don't worry, just remove the offices in the company, ok?;
me: alright...
*me deploys the remotion script in every f*cking machine*
48 hours later...
manager: well... everyone is complaining about the office 365, random complains, can you attend all the calls and reinstall if you can't solve the problem?
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!
[RAGES INTERNALLY]
5 -
My most awkward interview experience:
I go through the whole process Witt my usual attitude: stay relaxed, be open and let it be a process about meeting each other.
My interviewer at the end of it: "we won't hire you, you are too relaxed and don't fear me enough."
Ooookay? Glad I didn't pass it then!10 -
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying "Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in June!"
"Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me?" I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.
It's now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won't say where she got them.7 -
While attending a class for mobile app development a couple of months back, the day the teacher (T) unveiled the class project:
T: You must build an Android app. You can do whatever you want.
T: Don't overcomplicate though. For example, online servers won't be valued!
T: But don't make it too easy. For example, don't make a tic-tac-toe. That won't be valued!
T: And remember, you must use device sensors, like the camera, GPS, accelerometer ...
T: But don't just throw the sensor functionality if it doesn't make sense in the app you're building. That won't be valued either!
T: You have one week to think and send me a proposal.
Me: What the fuck do you want me to do then?9 -
So today I decided to change the passwords on some online accounts...
Sony: "Don't use the same symbol twice in a row. Oh, and how about 4 reset emails because the first 3 times it won't work?"
Me: "Okay, this password meets all requirements"
Sony: "I don't believe you lol."
Twitch: "Error: Your password length must be between 8 and 40 symbols!"
Me: "But mine has 24 symbols and the password field shows a green checkbox"
Twitch: "Error: Your password length must be between 8 and 40 symbols!"
Aaaargh! Did they hire toddlers as interns or something?1 -
I think the most humbling for me was deleting a table from my capstone (semester long graduation project) and messing up the online IDE so bad, I kicked everyone in web class off the IDE in the middle of their midterm. If I knew what I did, I'd promise to not do it again, but I don't, so I just don't use the IDE.
Made me realize that even if things shouldn't be dependent, they might be.2 -
This kind of random stuff happens to me often:
*comes home from going out*
*wants to sleep badly*
Brain: heyyy, why don't we take a look at some vps discounts!!!
Me: please, I want to FUCKING sleep.
Brain: oh come on...
Me: pls don't do this to me..
Brain: But vps discounts...
Me: oh FUCK YOU, I'll go look up some stuff.
My brain can be weird and annoying.8 -
Dev: I think I just deleted data I shouldn't have. Can you do a rollback?
Me: No, I'm a DBA, I don't touch data. Did you commit?
Dev: Yes, I committed.
Me: Your data is gone.
Dev: But don't you guys do backups?
Me: We backup the Prod servers. We only back up Dev on request. Did you request a backup in Dev?
Dev: No.
Me: ...
Dev: The Testers are going to be pissed.1 -
I want to be in the terminal, but I don't want to do work. So I type:
brew install cowsay
Now, I have cowsay. This buys me an hour of entertainment.
6 -
Me and my stress ball are starting to get quite ready for Christmas :/
Maybe after the holidays the smiley will be back?
Happy Holidays fellow ranters!
P.S. Don't code too much during your holidays
3 -
People are incredibly rude and ill mannered.
New company stories.
Whenever I am in office and having a conversation with a person, someone randomly appears (like those annoying pop-ups on websites) and interrupts the conversation and starts with their own.
I don't understand why people don't wait for the conversation to be over, or ask for permission (in case it is urgent).
Such behaviour derails the entire thought process and breaks the rhythm.
It's just beyond me. How difficult it can be!!!17 -
The other day a non-programmer colleague asked me:
"How do you know what to type in, like, did you write all of that?"
As I responded, he asked me another question; "but how do you know wuat to type".
I use to have those same thoughts years ago.
It occurred to me that through constant bugs, errors, bad (team) projects and failures that its become second nature, like breathing.
So, as an experienced developer to people just learning the craft and juniors. Don't give up on your collabs, don't be disheartened by group projects, don't be discouraged by your peers who seemingly try to make your life harder.
Take it as an experience to better yourself and teach them something.
These are the experiences that will make you a better developer.1 -
A new day, and a new "specification" written by the most unspecific architect ever. I don't understand what you want me to do. Use your words. Be SPECIFIC. As in SPECIFICation. Twat.2
-
Me: Are you sure you want this in the acceptance test procedure?
Lead: Yes.
Me: I'm just saying, we don't have any requirements for this feature so it doesn't really belong there.
Lead: Just put it in.
Me: Are you sure? It's a lot of work for something that isn't even required to be there.
Lead: Go do it.
Me: Okay.
*I do the work and it goes to peer review*
High ranking person from another team: I don't see any requirements traceability. Why is this in here if there are no requirements?
Me: WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GODDAMN QUESTION!?3 -
Client: I want a new feature for my chat bot. It should be able to rap.
Me: ... k
*monologue: wait u w0t m8*
Also me: Can you please go more into the details? It should be able to rap. Ok. But how do you want it to look like? How "strong" should be the discrimination level, for instance?
Client: It should beat ass, yo.
Inner me -> core me: Let us just ignore him. We won't be able to do it, since he isn't really explaining his needs. "It should be able to rap". We are not wizards.
Core me -> inner me: Chill. We will just use some insult apis, combine it with cleverb0t api et voila.
Me: Alright. I got an idea for it. I can do it within this week. And if you don't like it, I will ofc do some changes to it.
Client: Hmmm... that's nice and good. But within 1 week?
Inner me: I can't do magic and pull that feature out of my fucking ass!
Clients... clients... clients...
0. Don't expect us to be done in a few days. We are also humans. And not fucking machines.
1. Do us (all devs on planet earth. -Microaggression in 3, 2, 1..) a favor and (kill yourself) learn how to request a feature.2 -
Don't be me. Don't miss an interview because you don't know how timezones work and at least take a look at their website if you're applying for a web dev job.4
-
So I've finally decided to move from Windows to Linux. However, there are so many distros of linux available now which made me confused in choosing the right one.
What would be the best linux distro for a backend web developer? I don't mind if there would be a learning curve. Thanks28 -
I do IT work along side my dev work. I had a Dr come up to me and ask me if I had time to help him pick out a personal computer... (Mother fucker I am on lunch break) "Sure" I say... "What's your budget, what will you be doing with the computer?" Dr - "I don't mind spending $6,000 and I want it for minor gaming..."
MUST BE FUCKING NICE!5 -
I hate being so insecure. I don't start developing an idea because I think I won't be able to do it, I don't code together with someone who is better than me because I think they'll make fun of me or think I'm doing it wrong, I don't speak up in class even though I probably, definitely, know the answer. I feel like I'll never get anywhere if I remain this way. Anyone have some advice? Thanks11
-
Aah my father, programmer, when I was in primary school and he told me "don't be a programmer in life, it's an infinite pain in the ass". Aaah I should have listened to him1
-
I got my first job, first work is monday
I still worrying about this job might be one of the many small shitty company horror story.
I don't know shit about working, so I decided to find out myself. Wish me luck.7 -
So I'm a perfectionist, especially when with code, smells, solid, design patterns, naming conventions, etc and I be have this co-worker that blackmails me every time he doesn't want to do something saying "I don't know it so my code is gonna be ugly".6
-
You know what irks me is whenever people ask me how to do something without Googling it first.
Like ffs whenever I Google the same issue because I don't know the answer either, it's literally the first fucking result. Like damn bruh.
I don't mind helping people at all, but please at least try to be an adult and Google the fucking question first.13 -
Question everything!
Comments lie.. sometimes code does too.. Customers..they lie the most..and are sloppy..
Don't be like customers, don't be sloppy. If you were sloppy own it & don't lie about it!
Pick your fights (trying to fix vs rewrite the shit out of it)..you will know what to do more with experience..
RTFM & docs.. If things still unclear, ask before your dick gets stuck in a toaster!
Ask away, learn about the customers & how they use your product.. you'll be surprised how something intuitive to you might be a rocket science for them..meaning more room to fuck things up when using it..more ways you can adapt & prevent things..
Most of all, don't fuckin lie.. ever!!
If you lie on you're CV, we will find out.. If you fuck up something & lie about it, we will find out.. but it will cost us precious time when solving it from scratch.. People fuck up..that's a fact..how you go about it is what makes/breaks it for me. So don't ever fuckin lie to me!!
And don't be arogant.. if you complain about fixing bugs, this is not a job for you.. if you can't even fix the obvious ones you've put there in the first place..twice as bad..
So think before you code..what do you want to do, how you want to accomplish this, is it reusable, can it be extended, does it introduce new technology into the project, will it fuck up current setup.. once you have this shit figured out, code will write itself..
Did I mention already you're not to lie to me, ever?!
And don't try talking about me behind my back either..I've seen it backfire before, results were not good..3 -
Co-worker: Why are you deleting this piece of code?
Me: It's deprecated and it can be made in a better way. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing
Also me: OH SHIT THE ENTIRE PROJECT IT'S RUINED4 -
The fact that windows doesn't come bundled with a fucking SSH CLI client really pisses me off and I don't know why... Just let me be angry19
-
Me in conversation with the CTO a couple of weeks before starting the job:
I don't want to be mainly doing ui stuff
Him: that's cool
Me now: HTML
So, my lunchtime is spent applying for jobs...9 -
So today a client requested that the domain name in the address bar should be all capital letters because of corporate design. Don't get me wrong, this is a valid request for someone who has no experience in the IT world. But he refused to believe me that it wasn't possible. He even claimed that he has seen it at least hundred times and called me incapable. I don't get clients.1
-
Client: "We're not ready to be finished with the project but I don't want to pay you any more money to meet the terms of the contract we both signed, even though all my must-have changes led to more costs just like you had warned me they would."
Me: "Don't make any more changes, plez."
Client: "Imma make another change."
Me: "No. Stahp. Don't."
Client: "I added four new fields and probably a ton more business rules I don't care to understand."
Me: "Kill me. Just put this gun to my head and kill me."
Client: "That's not in our contract!"3 -
Who the fuck uses http code 200 for a failure. Seriously have you ever heard something about a need to parse the shit you're returning...
Now I don't know whether it's me who's wrong, but man there are more than 80 different codes defined so there really should be something for you, don't you think?
And don't give me shit like "well the request worked so we return 200 it's only that the request wasn't correct". What for a fucking peace of something are you... Those codes are for that exact reason.
Anyways I'm going to parse the shit with string compare and afterwards kill myself out of shame. Whish me luck...
4 -
Me: Hi, I finished X and Y, will finish Z tomorrow and be able to push it to the staging server for you to test!
*Client 15 hours later*
Client: I don't see it, where is it?
Me: It's not there yet, I need to finish Z first, it's right now on the development server, not the testing server
Client: Yes, but I don't see it?
...4 -
Things said at work that would be misunderstood when taken out of context:
Yesterday-
client: "I don't like the D"
Boss: "well what if it's a little d"
Client: "I don't think the size of the D matters, do you think people make decisions on the size of a D"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*
Today-
Boss: "are you working on that sex padding?"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*1 -
A fight story (separation of concern) : work vs life
IT Director (IT'D) forwarded a client message (false detection) to my whatsapp (personal number). I am sitting next to his cabin.
After an hour,
ITD : what was the issue with the client x?
Me : (proved false detection),
ITD : did you emailed client?
Me : no, don't send me these in WhatsApp, if any issues, email me since I won't check whatsapp and there is no guarantee that I will reply you back.
ITD : why, don't be negative. Either you have to or me have to do it.
Me : Tell them to email.
ITD : That is not right.
Me : I don't care if you provide support via WhatsApp. But I don't. Unless you provide a separate mobile and connection.
End of story.3 -
How comes companies don't give a shit abt onboarding?! The better your onboarding processes the faster the people you hired become productive?? Should never take me three weeks jus to get access...and when I do it's a problem ...should be seamless
At least that's what makes sense to me2 -
Me: "How many MB of files do you want to send me via mail? Maybe it would be better to upload everything..."
Client: "Oh don't worry. It won't be to much. It's just five folders."5 -
Manager: yo I need a time line for this shit.
Me: I don't know how long it takes.
Manager: tell me how long it takes.
Me: I can tell you what can be done in next couple hours. I don't even know what will happen tomorrow.
Manger: now tell me this time shit.
Me: .......
Seriously, dear fellow ranter. How do you estimate timeline? Your timeline is changing.5 -
Me: So... do you want a website, right?
Client: Yes!
Me: ...but you don't know how it should look, right?
Client: Ehm... correct.
Me: ...and you don't even know what color should I use?
Client: Exactly!
Me: ...and of course you can't link me a website you like which I can base on.
So now I have to invent something randomly that somehow will be the exact same thing you would like to see. Nice.1 -
The coolest bug I ever found:
was a simple button on my first website ~2002 that said "Don't Click Me!" and was supposed to popup a dialog saying "I told you not to click me!" When pressed in IE on my middle school network it would spit the message out of the library printer... Oh to be young again3 -
As someone who used to be a full-time Dev, but now works in other areas that sometimes don't quite scratch that tech itch, I find that each visit to Deviant inspires me more and more to work on personal Dev projects. Don't know how or why, but it just does. Go DevRant!3
-
*If you could ban something from the field of programming forever, what would it be? 👀
*Pls. don't ban me thx c:36 -
I don't know if I should be sad or be happy...
It's a few days left until I get back to college from my IT internship. The team was awesome. Literally awesome. The chief wanted to hire me as a developer. He asked me if I would accept his apprenticeship offer. I got stuck and couldn't answer :D
I would accept it, but I can't rn. Still want to study...10 -
She asked for it...
Me: being happy with my first rant, scrolling through the app on mobile in bed
Gf: aah are you now on instagram for nerds?!
Me: ... (sudden realization how 'our world' may be perceived by muggles)
'5 minutes pass, both on mobile'
Gf: hey can you help me get this *feature* to work on my iPhone?
Me: why don't you can ask for help on your photo platform for cool people?
Gf: ... (sudden realization to be nice in order to get help with iCrap)
True story4 -
Docker I don't have time for your bullshit tonight!
You're supposed to be this safe space where my code runs and neither the code or the god damn container changed.
Don't give me some bullshit about the container either, it's pretty clear docker itself is fucked ...2 -
Don't you hate it when politicians and newscasters talk about Google's, Facebook's, whatever's algorithms without really knowing what the word "algorithm" means?
A few years ago, only few people knew the word existed, and now you find people going around, saying things like:
"I don't know why YouTube recommended that video to me. 'Their algorithm' must be mad."14 -
Honestly I frankly do not care for your title, I care for what you've done and can do.
You may be "more qualified" in research, but if you have no idea how to write software, you're not qualified in software engineering, and frankly, you shouldn't be telling me how to write my code if you don't even understand the use case.
And then don't pretend you own it??????????? The fuck man. I'll sink you.3 -
You know what really pisses me off?
Arrogant/Condescending people doing rookie mistakes.
If you are like that but delivers I suck it up and let it go, but if you don't? Lol... Be ready for the shitstorm.1 -
On a scale of 1-10, how lazy are you when it comes to prototype code?
Me, well I'm a 'fuck it lets just wildcard anything that is a child of a GLib objects'
Don't be like me kids...
EDIT: Yes i know it should have been an override void
4 -
Me - If only there where more people like this in the world, surely world Peace would be achieved.
Friend - maybe, but don't call me sherley.
-
!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.6 -
Recruiter: company looking for 4+ years of software engineering experience.
Me: I don't have 4+ years of experience.
Recruiter: I think it should be fine.
Me: lol fuck off1 -
>be me
>go to a job interview
>company said to wait 1.5 weeks
>wait 2 weeks, after that ,I message them
>the company writes back, tells me they haven't decided on a candidate yet
>two days later the company writes me a letter asking me if I'm interested in a fulltime position, and if yes they will send me more info
>I reply yes
>they don't respond in 3 days
>successfully troll a candidate9 -
Dear recruiters,
I have no problem if you write me an e-mail or a private message on linkedin.
But don't assume I will accept your contact requests. That will be a bit suspicious considering my company's management is also on linkedin, don't you think?9 -
I need to be more professional. As such, my sticker phase is beginning to come to a close. Pls don't kill me
9 -
Fucking kill me. I've just agreed to make a shitty fucking app that would be better as a Webpage, using shitty fucking technologies I don't understand, to do a thing that would be better handled by a third party.
You know why? The guy who asked me to do it is a good friend, and I'm the "best (only) code monkey" he knows. FUCK MY LIFE.
At least I'm getting payed7 -
Being in Data Science and Mobile Development taught me :
1.Always be curious
2.Never stop learning
3.Never give up
4.Don't be afraid of Experimenting new Technologies
5.Don't always take ,Give More ,Share More!!
Do Share What your Domain taught you in the Comments 😀4 -
My worst experience with a recruiter has to be when i wasn't interested in a particular position they became hostile with me demanding why and contacting me on a regular basis to see if i had changed my mind.
Truth is you ain't getting shit from me.
Always remember you have the control with recruiters, don't give them the ability to take you for a ride. -
I'm going home!
For the past six months I've been on a contract that has kept me away from my family. On Saturday I will finally be moving back home. I'm elated to be seeing my family again, but I'm scared because I don't have a new job lined up. Wish me luck. -
Don't know about y'all, but for me it's been a week of fuckin Mondays. Can't wait for this week to be over with ugh2
-
I seriously cannot stress how important it is to build good reliable tests. Especially regression testing.
I am crying inside over the amount of time I've lost in my integration hell.
Seriously stupid shit that should have been tested but never did because I was too fucking lazy. Don't be me. Don't put yourself in the hell I'm in. Be better.1 -
Oh f*ck you Google. You can't tell me you don't collect my data (which option I selected) but ask me to answer surveys to make my ads better. It can't be more obvious...5
-
Don't you just love when people hit you up on facebook saying their laptop/PC broke, tell you the symptome and then immediately ask:
- What could be the problem
Well, fucking trillion different things? What am I a fucking wizard? You want me to conclude why your PC is shutting randomly down when all you told me is "It's shutting down... like, randomly" and I don't have any insight into your PC and it's contents?3 -
Don't you just love it when you're typing up a question for Stackoverflow and in the process of forming a good question, you solve the problem! Jon Skeet would be proud of me I think
-
Me: "Some kind of algebra library would be really useful for this code/math course I'm doing, but it'd be hard to write"
Python devs: "Is this what you're looking for?"
https://www.sympy.org/en/index.html
Me: Yes. I'm now conflicted, coz on one hand I'm like, "I don't want to use any external hard to use libraries because that's the point of teaching it... But this makes the math easier to understand..."18 -
Ok people. I got a contract last year with a company, and I was their support for one year, which ended back in February. They still email me for all their problems. I don't know why. They emailed me today, for Christ's sake, on the Saturday of Easter, to tell me that their 3rd party software can't send them emails because the mailserver has that IP on greylist asking me to look into it and find a solution. AS IF I CARE! I'm with my family, taking a break for two days damn it. Panic attack came, my heartbeat rate problem kicked in and now I can't calm down. I'm trying to get into the "I don't give a fuck" mood but I can't, I'm too responsible for that, in the worst dramatic way (the world is gonna end etc).
Piece of advice:
Be very clear next time you come to terms with another company, be precise and don't let them have it their way.9 -
Me: Did you notice <application> is doing <bug>?
Best co-worker: Hmmm yea, I noticed.
Me: It must be because of <faulty implementation>.
Best co-worker: Yeah, don't worry I'll correct it.
Me: *moves on happily to other things* -
When I was first learning Java I forgot to use If statements and made about a 600 systemoutprint lines. Don't be like me5
-
1. Started in Graphic Design and now able to bring my designs to full products.
2. Gives me a sense of progression.
3. Don't have to be charismatic.1 -
For some reason my wife was watching me reading away at devrant and then says:
Wife: You are missing your protection!
Me: ehh what ....
Wife: Let me fix that.
Then she comes back with a ... wait for it ... green yellow striped glitter apple sticker for my webcam.
I don't know if I should be proud of my wife or ashamed of myself for not a replacement yet.9 -
What the FUCK is wrong with people!!!??
If you need to use !important in your CSS.... STOP and just don't.
It should be very clear that if the need arises to use !important then you are either really shit at CSS and don't understand the concept or you are a lazy mother fucker.
I'm so fucking sick of dealing with other so called "developers" shit code and have to spend time I don't have fixing their shit.
There is absolutely no reason to use
!important and to anyone that thinks to be a smartarse and let me know of their shit reasons... just don't because there aren't any.4 -
Don't freaking urgent request me! Your ass better be literally on fire, otherwise you are wasting my time!2
-
After 3.5 terms, I still see people running Linux in a vm && writing C code in nano.
Should I be concerned if that really freaks me out?
Usually I'd say use whatever floats your boat but I just don't get why they don't dual boot, they'll need Linux in pretty much every term...16 -
At our workplace we clean our offices ourselves, and I don't have a problem with that. My boss asked me to clean the very dusty server room because I'm the only girl in the IT department. I feel somewhat discriminated as a woman in tech. Would it be wrong for me to refuse.25
-
Guys!! I Need help asap
My pc has become sentient and is starting to imitate me.
I'm afraid I've created sky net. I don't want to be the destroyer of earth... :'(
...
...
He's watching cat videos...1 -
Project name - "JIRA 2.0"
Description - JIRA seems to not be informing people in our company about much of anything right now. Engineers don't know how to find anything. PMs don't know when things are shipping.
Me: JIRA, you had 1 job!
1 -
I don't need a relationship to be in an emotional rollercoaster.
Javascript makes me cry every day but it still is my favorite language -
So my friend told me that he recommended me to be a new Creative Engineer.
-Oh shit, sweet, what are the requirements?
-I don't really understand that kind of stuff man, just look it up, here' the link
*Hmmm*
-Html,
*ok*
-Css,
*mhmm*
-Javascript
*sure*
etc etc...
and,
Actionscript
...
Excuse me?
Who the FUCK use actionscript nowadays ???2 -
My Chromebook just touched down in Melbourne!
Should be here in the next 2 days, Come on Australia Post don't fail me now! :-D3 -
I understand that some people have trouble with home office.
Well. I don't.
But at least have the fugging frigging respect and
1) answer my bloody questions, especially if I'm frigging nice and make a questionaire and notify you without a shitty meeting.
2) when you ask for an appointment during non working hours.... Then don't be fucking late and especially don't fucking miss it without telling.
3) And don't... Don't fucking give me a bullshit excuse like "yeah, I forget".
At least an honest apology....
I'm currently really close to murder people or call an meeting where I declare that waiting for appointments will be counted as work time.
(hint: this is the fucking sixth time in 4 weeks someone fucked up. And I'm really pissed)3 -
I don't mind helping but puuuuuuleeeeeease learn from what I have been teaching. Flex your brain and give me your initial ideas instead of waiting to be given the answer. I need to know you are learning and you are critically thinking the error. I don't expect you to be right but I expect you to at least try. Please try!2
-
A colleague is walking me trough some of the source code because we try to fix an issue.
colleague: Oh we don't use this anymore
Me: ...
LATER
colleague: This part we should refactor someday
Me: ...
LATER
colleague: Oh I think this is old code and does not exist anymore.
Me: .. .. ...
Great Colleague BTW :)
PS: fix will be posted Later.3 -
Support asked me to help. Issue at customer side I don't realy care about (Not reproducable)
She told me to wait 3 minutes.
Since 10 minutes I'm waiting for her to be ready and reading meanwhile on devrant. Great Workingtime 👍 -
Me: I wanna learn Go by writing a side project that might get me a few stars on Github.
Also me: But I don't have any original ideas. Would be nice if I could just take advantage of some other project's popularity.
End result => https://github.com/palash25/...4 -
Loosing faith...
Interesting question.
I don't think skills have something to do with faith.
If you don't know something, ask someone who does.
Even If I cannot solve a problem or deem a problem unsolvable, I usually don't doubt myself.
There are rare moments where I throw a fit, but that's not loosing faith, thats just being angry because my stubborn thick skull cannot make sense of it, which annoys me.
Might sound cocky, but in my opinion dev skills are not "do or die". Problem could be solved at a later time, maybe never. Who cares?
Loosing faith would mean to me that I define myself in some way on the ability to solve sth that doesn't have to be solved at all.
XD
After all, if it doesn't work, I don't give a fuck.
*Cheers*. -
I've tried to give it many chances, but I just don't think Python will ever be for me. Even "quick and dirty" scripts are faster for me in a statically-typed language with static syntax checking and sensible code completion.8
-
I'm getting started on web development again. But I want to get the right tools for the job. I don't hate Dreamweaver. But I know there's got to be something better out there for me to use.15
-
Don't know if this is just me but I fucking hate it when YouTube move stuff around slightly.
For instance the search bar used to be on the left now it's centered.
I know I'll get used to it but it's kinda annoying.4 -
that feel when the mothfacka uses around twenty different fonts, and not be able to even name them, and don't get me started on the arbitrary resizing of links, and the seemingly random positioning of round shaped elements2
-
"I used to be a developer back in the days"
yep ... maybe this is true - but the fact is: I'm the developer and you aren't - do your fucking work and don't bother me with stuff you don't understand ...1 -
Me(the first day fo spring semester): Data Structures and Algorithms shouldn't be too hard of a class! This will be interesting!
Me(a couple days into class): I don't understand anything she's saying and the programming problems are in some pretty rough English...why me?!?2 -
Why is the internet suddenly trying to sell me covers for colostomy bags? Does it know something I don't? Should I be concerned?8
-
My cousin came to me and asked me if I don't have some resources about programming becase he will need it in school in higher grade. Then he said me he will be learning about C programming I told him that I have only C++ books and tutorials and if he don't want to learn C++ instead of C and he asked me if there is some difference between that... That will be a long journey I tought1
-
We all have that moment in life when we feel that people around us are just there to -use- you. Honestly it feels annoying when the majority does. My friends noticed that a lot of people used me to help in their tasks. I usually don't say no, I find every opportunity to be a learning one.
A friend of mine, after hearing our stories, said something to me that has ever since stuck to me:
"if people don't use you, you're useless".
Honestly, I find this to be one heck of an advice. Certainly has made me feel like I'm on the right track! -
You'd think with all the data Facebook and Google collect, they'd be able to air some halfway relevant political ads.
Having ads I don't agree with shoved down my throat isn't going to make me change my views, it's just going to make me resent that particular group or person more.8 -
I hate applying for jobs. It makes me so depressed. Most of the postings online are just 1000s of recruiters. Most of the jobs im not qualified for. It just stresses me out. I don't want to work for a bad company again. I really want this next one to be the one :(6
-
I don't know about obnoxious processes, but I do know about one single event that happens WAY more than it should, and that might be people from customer relations coming with "new awesome features that MUST be implemented asap"
oh boy the times I've pictured me shoving a scrum guide down their throats....3 -
Me walking down the corridors of my building after hours, singing full on out loud (I can actually sing)
Lyrics(by yours truly homage to Mika)
I wanna talk to you!
The last time we talked, Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears
I promise you it won't happen again!
Do I attract you? Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty? Am I too flirty? Do I like what you like?
I could be wholesome, I could be loathsome, I guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me without making me try?
Some voice at the other side of the building: "who is there singing???!"
Me:
"I tried to be like Grace Kelly!!"
"but all her looks are too sad"
"so I tried a little Freddy MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"
"I've gone identity maaaaaaaaaaaad"
then I walked inside of my office and stopped spooking the janitors. Really wish someone would join in and helped me sing the high note parts of the song really. I've got no audience here smfh -
Boss: I don't want centralized error logging
Me: But we have 50+ client sites running the same web app, why the fuck wouldn't we?
Boss: What if the database is offline, then we wouldn't be able to log exceptions
Me: *beats head against desk*1 -
Why does VC++ deployment have to be so painful? So many flavors of MSVRC, so little time. And don't get me started on the D3DCompile_*.DLL mess.
-
Judge me all you want,
I don't think JavaScript is a good programming language and it should be improved in newer versions. Babel seems promising but still.......4 -
I get it you don't know anything. You are not paying me to be your teacher.
Let me do my job!
At what point can we stop explaining ourselves and every little detail of the job.1 -
My conversation with Avalara support (API for taxing):
Me: Hey I'm implementing your API for a client. The requests are going through, I get a valid response back but all goods are taxed with $0. Can you please give me a hint what I might be missing?
Sup: You're using Salesforce Commerce Cloud, requests might be blocked through their firewall
Me: I don't think so, here are some sample requests and responses I just created. The object returned matches the one in your API Doc.
Sup: This isn't a system controlled by us, no support.
Me: So how in the world can it be you don't control your own endpoint?
Seriously, if you don't want to help, next time just say fuck you...5 -
*3.5 Years ago, before when i joined the previous company
Manager: Where you'd be like you be in 5 years
Me: TBH, Upskilled and migrated to a different country
Pandamic: No you don't
ffffff..... -
I have noticed this lately that majority of the time when I talk about something, people thing that I'm being sarcastic.
I don't know what went wrong. It must be them not me.3 -
"You should never be working under someone who's not smarter than you. Unless one day you surpass me, then keep it up and don't tell anyone."
-
>Be me
>Pale af
>Burn easy af
>Start balding in 20s
>That's annoying in the first place
>"JUsT sHaVe yOuR hEaD tHeN"
>Don't like caps/hats
>Live in South Africa, see above about burning12 -
We have a web application that will be deployed to the client premises. Part of the agreement is that the full source code will be provided. Now my manager asked me to hide/restrict the usage of a certain feature, and should not be hackable even if we give the full source code. Gosh help me guys, I don't know what I'm doing here.3
-
Came in and device I was automating a test against wasn't responding. 4 hours in co-worker asked why I was looking so pissed.
Me: Can't get any console input on $device.
Cw: Oh console might still be unplugged. I don't remember plugging it back in yesterday.
Me: ...why...
Cw: I don't know Linux and I locked myself out of console. I just went over and direct connected for a few min.
This is a reoccurring problem.1 -
"Sorry, but nothing in this MR is as it should be (I don't even know where to start) - all you do here is waste scarce CI resources"
Much helpful. Such wow. Teach me how to make such toxic and useless merge request comments.5 -
Brain : Hey, there's this task that needs to be done
Me : oh sure, let me do it
* tries to do it unsuccessfully a few times *
Brain : ...
Me : ...
Brain : DON'T YOU --
Me : * Opens devrant and starts scrolling *
Seriously though, if you guys could suggest some good cmake tutorials ( I'm using VSCode and GCC 8.1.0 for compilation ) - that'd be swell :)
Keep rocking!2 -
Me : Pls system, don't send too much data or you'll make the page explode.
System : *send a lot of data*
Me : Pls system, at least sent this variable, I need it and told you to send it
System : *sends everything but the data asked to be sent*
for f*cks sake5 -
I don't know if AI makes people dumber. But it lends me to believe that people who swear by it might be dumber.
Time will tell how useful the code generators are.
I should go play with chatgpt today...8 -
My gf wants to be a nomad.
I just like to code in my chosen place of work (home) and not lose focus with moving around.
I'm worried, I get anxiety if I don't find myself in places that let me be productive. I'm very much like a cat in that regard 🐈7 -
It's a great start of the week when your general manager asks you to get in to touch with a guy to ask about their return merchandise authorization system. And when I reply, sure, what would you like me to accomplish. You get the reply, I don't know, don't bother me with the technical details, they told me it should be super easy.
I don't know what 'it' is, but I'm happy that the man who can hardly use his macbook says its super easy.1 -
I don't like when maintainers ask me how their module works in review. >:c
It always works me up a little bit.
And when people spawn process for something that can be done with unistd. >>:(
I think it's not professional. -
*Gets tapped on shoulder
Co-worker: Why are you wearing headphones? They're not even plugged in?
Me: To indicate to people I don't want to be interrupted as I'm trying to focus.
Co-worker: Oh right. I see.
...
Co-worker: So, I have a question...
FML!
Why don't people learn to piss off and let me work!?3 -
Feature request: a way to ignore users so their rants don't appear in my feed. Some of the frequent ranters, while very popular on here, really rubs me the wrong way, and I'd love to be able to filter them out4
-
Mgr: Has the BA been doing KT?
Me: No. Was she supposed to?
Mgr: She was supposed to be doing KT so you guys don't miss any information she has.
Me: If we needed what she's been producing, she wouldn't be leaving the team.4 -
Well, I'm now making apps for Android in my class. This is going to be fun. (Sarcasm, please don't make me do this)3
-
Do you distance yourself from people who calls, messages or email's you when they need help? I have few friends who are nice people but they remember me when they need some work to be done. They don't call me to meet for drink or hangout.8
-
It's so fucked up for me, I don't even want to rant about it now, from now on it'll be 'best is yet to come' or so I dare to believe
-
!rant (semi-dev)
Just learned the military regulations probably won't prevent me from getting an NFC implant because it's invisible so they don't give a damn!
Oh the adventures and hacking that can be! Think I'm gonna do it.16 -
I need to stop trying to get involved with projects my boss seems to be keeping me away from...
Just stay in my own domain... Let everyone else screw up and say not my problem when they come asking me for help... Pretend I don't know...
Just let them build a pile of shit and don't tell them how they fucked up or how to fix... -
Some one just asked me to build his site. I don't enjoy building sites. Especialy wordpress... I have never used it but i don't like it. But It could be a fast cash. What do you guys think?7
-
!rant
At the dentist AGAIN. This time a proper oral surgeon. Informed me they are ONLY doing novacaine today when the referring dentist said I would have to be put under ffs. It's like these people don't listen.
I wonder if I can get a refund when they *also* realize I don't respond to novacaine.1 -
soooo I'm browsing Netflix, searching where to submerge the remaining of my brain this evening, looking for smth apocalyptic. And the Netflix's sorting algo gives me this.
Keep breathing. Oxygen missing. Don't breathe.
Is this a sign? I mean, it must be some sort of a sign. What's it mean... It can't be just a sheer coincidence.
19 -
I hate it when people don't tell me what they actually want. To be fair though, I should have guessed that if they wanted a leaderboard that they would also want to download a text based version for reports and such...
-
I don't know but I feel like most of the php devs are linux users. Then again I could be wrong. You guys will tell me.14
-
I just told to Canada general census to put me as "Apache helicopter". On official papiers and shit !
I expect to be called in a couple of days lol, but seemed to fun to pass on this oportunity.
So if they DON'T call me back, next year in official census you'll see at least one apache helicopter lol8 -
Sure just interrupt me constantly all day, I don't have anything important to do.
"Can you provide an estimate when X will be done?"
"Can you estimate how many questions my colleagues will have?"
Not even just interns. My god.1 -
if you ask me how the method i wrote works because you don't understand it, and you don't let me finish my sentences without interrupting me, then you deserve to be punched.
LET ME FINISH WHAT I HAVE TO SAY YOU DUMB SHIT
I WROTE THAT FUCKIN METHOD
I KNOW WHAT IT DOES AND WHY -
Coding taught me to be patient, understanding, and accept my mistakes.
Don't blame the computer when things are going wrong; it is just doing that it is being told to do. If you acknowledge that you might be to blame too, sit down and have a calm conversation with it (debugging joke😂), things will be alright. -
I'm finally going on vacation, which is good, but I already know there will be many stupid people writing me endless private messages about them being banned or their server not working correctly BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN SCRIPTS and they will spam me like they usually do although I WRITE THEM I'm out of the office but they don't care since they don't have other things to do than COMPLAINING ALL DAY.
Geez okay, I got to calm down, I'm on vacation, don't want *that* to ruin my mood.
It was stupid to ban all those people for breaking the rules today though, should have waited another week, so guess this one is on me.1 -
@dfox, there's still occasionally some weird stuff happening when my phone is on rotate. (Sadly I don't know how I did this.)
I'd be glad to help if you need anything from me.
11 -
AWS typescript: Your function name can't be longer than 64 characters
how about you tell me what the function name is and where it's located so i can find and fix it?
my code changes don't even have any 64 character length functions , they don't even have any typescript changes3 -
Fuck it, go ruin your own life, I don't deserve this shit.
I don't deserve getting treated like shit by my mother for financially helping her, in fact, bringing all the fucking money in this household to the table.
I don't deserve being gaslighted by some hypocrite who victimized or egos themself up to fit their narrative.
Just ruin your own day, but keep me out of it. I'm tired of playing mental support just to be shit on.2 -
I am sick since last sunday!
I feel like my computer is staring at me telling me to get work done... but I don't even have the energy to be up for more than an hour. On the other hand I am bored like hell...3 -
I don't get it.
The job listing is for a developer. I applied as a developer.
Why do they ask me whether I'd be willing to do tech support? What's their motive?6 -
How to bring your zsh start-up time from 7s to 0.2s on macOS:
1. Don't call "brew info", piped to grep, piped to awk
2. Don't dynamically detect the current version of brew-installed packages
3. Don't call java_home
4. Actually don't do anything dynamically. Just symlink shit as they get updated
There you go. Don't be like me. Use the "brew --prefix" command and put its output in your .zshrc, instead of running it every time -
"You need me to fix a report? Ok... Since I don't have access to that server, email me the report."
"Umm, it doesn't have connection info. Can you send me the username/pass for the DB?"
"Ok, so the DB isn't set to work normally on this report and has to be a UDL file... Can you send me that file?"
"All done, here you go!"
"WTF do you mean you're getting a database connection error and you're looking to me to fix it? You seriously don't remember that it's all shit you gave me?" -
Not a js expert. I'm trying to learn a new js framework so I'm stuck between angular and react. I'm a Django dev, so I'll be mostly using this framework in my Django apps. Which one should I learn? I'm migrating from jquery so please don't be harsh at me 😅7
-
I hate when people just say "Hello!" in messaging apps and don't tell me what they want. Just ask me the question please! I might be in meetings and after 1-2 hours come back, reply, leave for another meeting and come back and the person hasn't asked the question yet...
-
Why is it so hard to find a good work from home position? I love my home office and I honestly don't get distracted so it would be perfect for me.8
-
When you ask me to estimate some project that is complex and you don't pay for an initial research process, my response will be full of assumptions.
I've kindly listed those assumptions for you, also sometimes referred to as Caveats.
When you don't read the assumptions and the issues arise outside of reasonable control - that means it's YOUR F'ING PROBLEM -
My internship at CMU ends July 19th I don't want it to end. The projects my mentor gives me may be difficult but they're fun and require me to learn a lot quickly. :(4
-
I love meetups. People scare the hell out of me because of how much they know in relation to myself. But that's usually a good n challenge accepted sort of scare. But in there are the professional bullshitters. These bunch teach me the art of confidence. Don't wanna be a con though2
-
On one hand, it would be nice to have someone else help me out. On the other hand, I like having total control and knowledge of the source and I don't like people messing with it.
-
me: Mum, Dad I want to a developer like [my older brother's name]
mum: I don't know what you guys do anyway. just make sure to be the best at it.
dad: Good luck, don't forget to start your own company soon enough. -
I feel like I'm getting lost in social media these days. I know I should be aware of this happening, but lately I start scrolling on my phone and don't realize 20-30 mins fly by me.
Weird, that it's happening to me now.3 -
Our NOC engineer is a CLi nuthead. I send him a link to cmder on Githib.... Might be interesting. Here is the conversation that followed :
Him: it's just cmd with colours. Why do you send me shit?
Me:
Him: You mean I have to install it to use it?
Me:
Him: I see zero benifits. Pretty useless
Me: Well... 10k people think otherwise
Him: I don't understand this Githib anyway. Don't see why we should deploy this everywhere
Me: *Put my noise cancelling headphones back on*2 -
My friends don't understand what it's like to be a dev so when I ask for times/arrangements they think I'm just being a prick about it. Sometimes I ask for specific times because I have to do pull requests and what not and I want to arrange it to maximize little downtime but because none of these guys are Devs they don't understand. How do I help these guys understand that me asking for specific times isn't about me being a prick, it just has to do with work because when I tell them that they don't get it3
-
The more code I write the worse I feel as a programmer. Just me?
An 80's programmer once said to her son, my friend a writer, "Don't be self deprecating".
Time to refactor my thoughts.
-
I don't know why you expect your website to be done in a month when you can't even fucking decide what it should be.
I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND ASSHOLE.
Don't tell me that I did it wrong or it doesn't look right when you said that you wanted it like that.
I wasn't hired as a web developer, I've done high voltage electrical work, machinist work and repair of the shit you can't even take care of. All for 15usd a hour. If they don't keep their promise to bump the pay....1 -
Why, just why do 4k devs find this a good idea https://github.com/sindresorhus/.....
Don't get me wrong I respect this oss dev a lot, I just think readme's should be boring with the least distraction possible.20 -
Read the whole thing here:
https://pastebin.com/ucyc75Qh
This isn't a devrant post really, more like "adjacent to the societal void that all brings us here".
Anyway. This is for you.
"Fraud" or "Addiction"
Lies are like addiction.
We lie to ourselves.
We lie to each other.
Why can't we just be honest.
Why can't we not be honest?;
I don't need it.
I don't need it.
I WANT it.
But I don't want how it makes me feel.6 -
I don't think I will be able to score good marks in JEE and get admission in a good University as i am not that good at physics and chemistry....will it affect me while learning CS subjects and applying to tech jobs?5
-
Team: We don't know how to do this
Stack overflow: It can't be done
Me: Hold my beer. No, wait, nevermind, I'm not drinking at work.1 -
I don't have any bright skills in IT so if u want to success , don't try to learn everything :| Don't be like me...1
-
Why my friend learns new languages: will it get me a higher salary?
Why I learn new languages: work isn't challenging, I don't have any side projects, don't feel like binging anime...
Just started learning Scala to once again try to pick up FP paradigm.
I'm also thinking it may be better for understanding algorithms?
Yes I know I'm late to the party -
Day 2 of being a free man.
Day 2 of old company contacting me about unnecessary things that they themselves said isn't really important.
Why contact me then? I don't want to have to start blocking numbers, but it might be happening if the trend keeps up.3 -
How do you tell a senior that I don't want to be buddy-buddy with him outside of work?
He keeps trying to befriended me, inviting me to his house along with his friends. I don't think he's romantically interested in me, he's married, he's just too extroverted, has huge social circle.
Being a chronically introvert, I just want to go home and sleep after work. It's enough having him breathing down my neck for 5 days/week, don't want to see his messages during the weekend.
I have to keep the relationship cordial and polite though as my job satisfaction depends on that.6 -
I sadly don't remember who set this up and posted it on devRant (give me a distro) but it seems to be down :/
Would be glad to host it again if needed, I think it is a great idea. ^^
5 -
I suck at data structures and algorithm, how can i be good at it? Or maybe i suck at programming in general, i don't know, 2 companies emailed me that I didn't pass their technical exam, I'm disappointed and thinking maybe software development is not for me.3
-
So with Christmas coming up my family asked me to make a list of the things I want, all of it adding up to a maximum of €25. Me being me I really don't know what I want other than that I would like something educational and programming related also something to learn machine learning would be nice
All help would be appreciated7 -
I don't know many things 100% for sure, but I do know that I won't be enrolling in a developer boot-camp - so I don't need to see any more commercials for them. I'm not the target audience. Just show me commercials for cars I can't afford. Anything but programming schools for beginners.
-
/(ò.ó)┛彡┻━┻
Why can't you just do what I say... I don't need ur opinion on points that I specifically stated should be done a certain way....
I don't want to spend 30mins arguing with you... I already got enough work as it is and ur supposed to be helping me...
I don't have time to explain everything to you... Just what I need you to do....
There's a reason I got promoted and you didn't...4 -
Don't work with time, work with target, my father taught me that. It seems similar to don't stop when you are tired but when you are done!!!
Well that helped me when I started my dev career but over the years I had to be wise how I apply the rule so I don't have assholes sucking life out of me in disguise.1 -
Don't have a manger/boss/mentor. Please give me an advice (coding/best practices, no 'life is to be lived' shit) which will help me in the long run.. Thank you..4
-
I don't know why my colleagues asked me to solve the problem with Google Calendar .... If I could fix it, I'd probably work for Google and so ... I couldn't be your colleague! Right? 😅
-
I don't wanna be specific today, so I'll just post a song exerpt.
I love you, I hate you, I'm on the fence, it all depends
Whether I'm up or down, I'm on the mend, transcending all reality
I like you, despise you, admire you
What are we gonna do when everything all falls through?
I must confess, I've made a mess of what should be a small success
But I digress, at least I've tried my very best, I guess
This, that, the other, why even bother?
It won't be with me on my deathbed, but I'll still be in your head
Put me on a pedestal and I'll only disappoint you
Tell me I'm exceptional, I promise to exploit you
Give me all your money, and I'll make some origami, honey
I think you're a joke, but I don't find you very funny
https://youtu.be/o-nr1nNC3ds -
Work email conversation with a COTS app support tech:
Tech: Could you provide me the following from Sql Server? (instructions followed)
Me: I am not the DBA, but I've sent them the request.
Tech: Could you send me the following from Sql Server while we wait? (Instructions followed)
Me: As I said, I don't have permissions to access what you want.
Tech: Oh, I see now, you most likely don't have proper access to be able to retrieve the information.
Me: ..yeah. Thanks. -
An accountant person is teaching me how to structure some info to import data to the database, I don't know how to tell him that I know how the process should be done, I'm new here I've to respect my partners tough2
-
My problem now is:
- I want my linkedin profile to be public
- I don't want to be bored every day by spam from recruiters that claim to offer me "A NEW JOB OPPORTUNITY!!!" but don't put any other details about.
I am 100% sure that most of them are searching monkeys for stupid jobs in body rental companies.
At the moment i put a warning on my profile for recruiters to not contact me. I hope this will work.1 -
There are so many people which treat software NOT like a child. If you don't 'foster' it - it is going to be a mess in at least couple of months.... This makes me crazy.2
-
Why, yes, please pull me off this ticket *again* so I can be less productive on something I don't know about and you can be annoyed that what I was working on is not finished.
-
I try to be braver, but I always pussy out, I'd like like a wingman that forces me into uncomfortable situations but I don't want to depend on crutches
-
I don't know man if it's inferiority superiority complex or I'm actually bit slow in development but the guy who works with me is quite fast at making stuff. I don't want be a person who left out by his co-worker. The constant thing going on my mind these days is how can i become faster at making stuff.4
-
Clinician : How did you choose what variables you put in that multivariate analysis?
Me : ... don't ask, just be happy it's significant -
(0. First off, being a job I'd like — native software development that is — and not having to default to some boring backend job because "mUh WeB's EvRyThInG TodAy")
1. If the commute isn't too long I have no much problem working in office I think, but I want this to be clear: you let me work with the tools I want. Things like CI are understandably imposed, but let me choose whatever IDE/editor, Git client, etc.
Otherwise off to work from home where no one can check
2. Not having assholes colleagues (obnoxious, stupid, interrupting…)
3. A decent pay. Not high or minimum, just what I'm worth
4. Not drowning in meetings. I want to take part to them to clarify some things and understand what's going on, but I don't think I need more than 2 a day. Ah, and let me tell what's wrong if there's anything
5. Be basically respected. I don't want to be overvalued, that can be embarrassing, but I don't want my work to be completely ignored2 -
Guys, please don't scream at me :D
i need a tool to be installed on ubuntu that check if a specific process is running or not, if not then it starts it automatically21 -
I set the voice password for my Android phone, it asked me to say ok Google three times.
Why can't it allowed me to name my phone ? Like Cindy Cindy Cindy ????? Don't you think that will be much safer and easier? No need to have data connection to unlock. -
it's going to be a 'headphones on and don't disturb me' kinda day, fucking bugs and not stable apis and a lot of stories to finish...
-
How do I change my user name so I can be sure my coworkers don't see me complaining about them. Fuckem they should know they suckit.
-
I remember the times where playing video games was a mystery and not everything had to be understood. Nowadays games just don't feel the same to me anymore1
-
Just wanted to share my first post on my new blog. Let me know what you think about it, and don't be delicate 😅
https://dawidcyron.me/how-to-work-w... -
I want to pick up a text editor to learn.
Should I learn Vim or Emacs?
Note: I don't want there to be a war between the 2 sides. I simply want your opinion on what you think should be a good start for a college CS student like me.8 -
!rant
I am going to my first hackathon in 2 weeks and am kind of nervous. I don't know anyone and don't have a team. I was wandering if it is a requirement to work on a project? There will be a lot of workshops and I am sure I will learn a lot even without working on a project.
If you could give me some hints on what I can expect that would be really helpful. -
Hey y'all, does anyone have any good suggestions on how I can practice coding on an Android phone? I'll be travelling and don't have my laptop with me :/4
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