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TLDR : I left a company which doesn't understand the concept of email id and passwords.
Me (trying to login to the alumni website) *no register user option*
Customer support - you've to click on forgot password to create an account.
Me - Wonderful
*clicks on reset password*
*enters employee id, name, email, father's name, DOB, date of joining , date of leaving, current city because apparently if I just enter my employee id it is as if they never knew me. Sigh*
*your password will be sent to your email id*
Me - okay. *waits for two weeks because I assumed someone will manually go and create my account and email me, considering the state of system. *
After two weeks,
Me - I still haven't received my password on email after I created my account. Can you please check?
After one week,
Customer support - you need to click on forget password if you forgot your password.
Me - *inventing new curse words* I have not forgot my password, I never received it in the first place!
After one week,
Customer support - yes you'll receive your password on your email id.
Me - *runs out of curse words* seriously dude?
* proceeds to reset password*
System - your password has been reset. Your new password will be sent to your email id. *apparently anyone can reset passwords if you have the employee id, which is an integer*
After a week
Me - Am I going to ever receive the password? I've tried generating passwords, resetting my password. I never get my passwords. What should I do!!
Customer support - yes you need to click on Forgot password.
Me - are you fucking kidding me!!!
You fuckers need to be fired and replaced by a FAQ page which has no question and just a single answer, because a peanut has higher IQ than you. For any questions you may have, just reset password. Goddammit idiots!
Also, which email id are you sending my passwords to?
Customer support - myname@oldcompany.com
Me - you do realize that this is the alumni website for the company. Alumni means ex members.
Being ex members, you can assume we don't have access to our company email ids obviously?
Customer support - yes.
Me - how am I supposed to get the password using my old email id then?
Customer support - you need to click on forgot password option.
I think I should probably move to the Himalayas for my anger management issues. Plus it'll be probably easier to throw idiots off a mountain.31 -
Its Friday, you all know what that means! ... Its results day for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
*audience: wwwwwwooooooooo!!!!*
We've had a bewildering array of candidates, lets remind ourselves:
- a psychopath that genuinely scared me a little
- a CEO I would take pleasure seeing in pain
- a pothead who mistook me for his drug dealer
- an unbelievable idiot
- an arrogant idiot obsessed with strings
Tough competition, but there can be only one ... *drum roll* ... the winner is ... none of them!
*audience: GASP!*
*audience member: what?*
*audience member: no way!*
*audience member: your fucking kidding me!*
Sir calm down! this is a day time show, no need for that ... let me explain, there is a winner ... but we've kept him till last and for a good reason
*audience: ooooohhhhh*
You see our final contestant and ultimate winner of this series is our good old friend "C", taking the letters of each of our previous contestants, that spells TRAGIC which is the only word to explain C.
*audience: laughs*
Oh I assure you its no laughing matter. C was with us for 6 whole months ... 6 excruciatingly painful months.
Backstory:
We needed someone with frontend, backend and experience with IoT devices, or raspberry PI's. We didn't think we'd get it all, but in walked an interviewee with web development experience, a tiny bit of Angular and his masters project was building a robot device that would change LED's depending on your facial expressions. PERFECT!!!
... oh to have a time machine
Working with C:
- He never actually did the tutorials I first set him on for Node.js and Angular 2+ because they were "too boring". I didn't find this out until some time later.
- The first project I had him work on was a small dashboard and backend, but he decided to use Angular 1 and a different database than what we were using because "for me, these are easier".
- He called that project done without testing / deploying it in the cloud, despite that being part of the ticket, because he didn't know how. Rather than tell or ask anyone ... he just didn't do it and moved on.
- As part of his first tech review I had to explain to him why he should be using if / else, rather than just if's.
- Despite his past experience building server applications and dashboards (4 years!), he never heard of a websocket, and it took a considerable amount of time to explain.
- When he used a node module to open a server socket, he sat staring at me like a deer caught in headlights completely unaware of how to use / test it was working. I again had to explain it and ultimately test it for him with a command line client.
- He didn't understand the need to leave logging inside an application to report errors. Because he used to ... I shit you not ... drive to his customers, plug into their server and debug their application using a debugger.
... props for using a debugger, but fuck me.
- Once, after an entire 2 days of tapping me on the shoulder every 15 mins for questions / issues, I had to stop and ask:
Me: "Have you googled it?"
C: "... eh, no"
Me: "can I ask why?"
C: "well, for me, I only google for something I don't know"
Me: "... well do you know what this error message means?"
C: "ah good point, i'll try this time"
... maybe he was A's stoner buddy?
- He burned through our free cloud usage allowance for a month, after 1 day, meaning he couldn't test anything else under his account. He left an application running, broadcasting a lot of data. Turns out the on / off button on the dashboard only worked for "on". He had been killing his terminal locally and didn't know how to "ctrl + c a cloud app" ... so left it running. His intention was to restart the app every time you are done using it ... but forgot.
- His issue with the previous one ... not any of his countless mistakes, not the lack of even trying to make the button work, no, no, not for C. C's issue is the cloud is "shit" for giving us such little allowances. (for the record in a month I had never used more than 5%).
- I had to explain environment variables and why they are necessary for passwords and tokens etc. He didn't know it wasn't ok to commit these into GitHub.
- At his project meetups with partners I had to repeatedly ask him to stop googling gifs and pay attention to the talks.
- He complained that we don't have 3 hour lunch breaks like his last place.
- He once copied and pasted the same function 450 times into a file as a load test ... are loops too mainstream nowadays?
You see C is our winner, because after 6 painful months (companies internal process / requirements) he actually achieved nothing. I really mean that, nothing. Every thing was so broken, so insecure / wide open, built without any kind of common sense or standards I had to delete it all and start again ... it took me 2 weeks.
I hope you've all enjoyed this series and will join me in praying for the return of my sanity ... I do miss it a lot.
Yours truly,
practiseSafeHex20 -
Worst dev I've interviewed?
"Archie" ran his own consulting business for almost 20 years. Prior to his interview, Archie sent HR (to send to us) his company's website, where he had samples of code for us to review (which was not bad, this guy did know his stuff).
What I found odd was Archie was the lone wolf at his company, but everything I found about him (the about page, his bio, etc), Archie was referred to as 'Mr. Archie Brown'.
Ex. 'Mr. Archie Brown began his humble career and 'Mr. Archie Brown is active in his church and volunteers his time in many charities ...'
Odd to refer to yourself in the third person on your own site, but OK, I like putting hot sauce on my mac & cheese (no judgement here).
Then the interview..standard stuff, then..
Me: "Given your experience, this is an entry level developer position. Do you feel the work would be challenging enough for you?"
Archie: "Yes, Mr. Archie Brown would have no problem starting at bottom. You see ..."
Almost any time he would reference himself, instead of 'me' or 'I', he would say 'Mr. Archie Brown'. As the interview continued, the ego and self-importance grew and grew.
My interview partner wanted to be done by using the escape clause, "PaperTrail, I'm good, do you have any questions?"
Yes, yes I do. I was having too much fun listening to this guy ramble on about himself. I made the interview go the full hour with the majority of time 'Archie' telling us how great he is.
The icing on the cake was my partner caught his gold cuff-links and tie-pin where his initials and how he kept raising his hands and playing with his tie to show us (which I totally missed, then was like "oh yea, that was weird")
After the interview, talking with HR:
HR-Jake: "How did it go?"
John: "Terrible. One of the worst. We would have been done in 10 minutes if PaperTrail didn't keep asking questions."
Me: "Are you kidding!? I had the best time ever. I wish I could have stayed longer."
HR-Jake: "Really? This guy was so full of himself I wasn't sure to even schedule with you guys. With his experience, I thought it deserved at least a round with you two. You think we should give him a chance?"
Me: "Hell no. Never in a million years, no. I never in my whole life met anyone with such a big ego. I mean, he kept referring to himself in the third person. Who does that?"
HR-Jake: "Whew!...yea, he did that in the phone interview too. It was a red flag for us as well."
Couple of weeks later I ran into HR-Jake in the break room.
HR-Jake: "Remember Mr. Archie Brown?"
Me: "To my dying day, I will never forget Mr. Archie Brown."
HR-Jake: "I called him later that day to tell him the good news and he accused me of being a racist. If we didn't give him the job, he was getting a lawyer and sue us for discrimination."
Me: "What the frack!"
HR-Jake: "Yep, and guess what? Got a letter from his lawyer today. I don't think a case will come in front of a judge, but if you have any notes from the interview, I'll need them."
Me: "What are we going to do?"
HR-Jake: "Play the waiting game between lawyers. We're pretty sure he'll run out of money before we do."
After about 6 months, and a theft conviction (that story made the local paper), Mr. Archie Brooks dropped his case (or his lawyers did).23 -
We have a bunch of white people in human resources that are trying to hire "diverse" people because the company sets HR diversity targets. Which is an inherently racist way of hiring someone.
I am told to interview this guy who claims to have Angular experience. Before the interview I ask to see a form that he has built in Angular. He sends me a repo which is ripped off of an open source project and has the readme and git commits removed. A quick web search shows that it isn't his work. He shows up to the interview and I find out he is from a Southern African country. I deliberately ask some questions about code that I can see he didn't write that I prepared ahead of time. He lies to me and tells me all about how he wrote it which showed me that he has no idea what the code does. I tell HR they better not hire him because he was very comfortable lying to me, and I'm confident that he doesn't understand any of the code that he showed me. I do not trust this guy and would never choose to work with him. HR lady says "Ah okay."
Today he walks in with a big grin on his face. HR lady fucking hired this guy. I can see his monitors from my desk and he spent his whole first day looking at a soccer website on his second monitor. I call up HR, "Why would you even ask me to interview him if you refuse to listen to my feedback?". Lady tells me "You need to be open minded about diversity. Probably most of the things you observed were either cultural differences or language barrier." I tell her definitely not. He lied to me multiple times, and he took credit for other people's work." She tells me that they will keep an eye on me because I'm not being open to diversity.
Are you kidding me? This white lady is literally stereotyping me as a racist because I'm white.
So this fucking HR lady called me a racist because she decided to hire someone that we shouldn't trust. Then she put this asshat on my project. Now I have to be cautious about my position because HR is "watching" my racist ass. Even though I am literally the only one on the development team that is white and speaks English as my first-language. I called a team meeting before the on-boarding is over so I can tell the other developers what is happening. We restructured our code review process so that I will never give him feedback. Then when the time comes that he slips up the "diverse" developers will kick him out so I won't be reprimanded as a "racist".
This company that I work for is a special kind of stupid.34 -
After listening to two of our senior devs play ping pong with a new member of our team for TWO DAYS!
DevA: "Try this.."
Junior: "Didn't work"
DevB: "Try that .."
Junior: "Still not working"
I ask..
Me:"What is the problem?"
Few ums...uhs..awkward seconds of silence
Junior: "App is really slow. Takes several seconds to launch and searching either crashes or takes a really long time."
DevA: "We've isolated the issue with Entity Framework. That application was written back when we used VS2010. Since that application isn't used very often, no one has had to update it since."
DevB: "Weird part is the app takes up over 3 gigs of ram. Its obviously a caching issue. We might have to open up a ticket with Microsoft."
Me: "Or remove EF and use ADO."
DevB: "That would be way too much work. The app is supposed to be fully deprecated and replaced this year."
Me: "Three of you for the past two days seems like a lot of work. If EF is the problem, you remove EF."
DevA: "The solution is way too complicated for that. There are 5 projects and 3 of those have circular dependencies. Its a mess."
DevB: "No fracking kidding...if it were written correctly the first time. There aren't even any fracking tests."
Me:"Pretty sure there are only two tables involved, maybe 3 stored procedures. A simple CRUD app like this should be fairly straight forward."
DevB: "Can't re-write the application, company won't allow it. A redesign of this magnitute could take months. If we can't fix the LINQ query, we'll going to have the DBAs change the structures to make the application faster. I don't see any other way."
Holy frack...he didn't just say that.
Over my lunch hour, I strip down the WPF application to the basics (too much to write about, but the included projects only had one or two files), and created an integration test for refactoring the data access to use ADO. After all the tests and EF removed, the app starts up instantly and searches are also instant. Didn't click through all the UI, but the basics worked.
Sat with Junior, pointed out my changes (the 'why' behind the 'what') ...and he how he could write unit tests around the ViewModel behavior in the UI (and making any changes to the data access as needed).
Today's standup:
Junior: "Employee app is fixed. Had some help removing Entity Framework and how it starts up fast and and searches are instant. Going to write unit tests today to verify the UI behaivor. I'll be able to deploy the application tomorrow."
DevA: "What?! No way! You did all that yesterday?"
Me: "I removed the Entity Framework over my lunch hour. Like I said, its basic CRUD and mostly in stored procedures. All the data points are covered by integration tests, but didn't have time for the unit tests. It's likely I broke some UI behavior, but the unit tests should catch those."
DevB: "I was going to do that today. I knew taking out Entity Framework wouldn't be a big deal."
Holy fracking frack. You fracking lying SOB. Deeeep breath...ahhh...thanks devRant. Flame thrower event diverted.13 -
Bought a Logitech G13 a few years ago knowing that the Linux support isn't good. Thought fuck it, I'll develop something for it.
That didn't go as planned. Tried numerous times to write something but the fucker is proprietary and I couldn't figure out how to get data from it.
Decided to try it again tonight with a "You're not winning this time, motherfucker!" mindset.
Figured out how to read data from it, looked long enough at the data coming in to discover patterns and started programming while testing my ass off.
Two hours later I have "mapped" all specific data points that the device sends to the hardware keys and now, whenever I have the device connected and run the program (node, no kidding), it displays which key I'm pressing when I press a key!
I finally fucking won.23 -
** Non Dev Rant **
I just need to rant about this because I'm furious.
Last night I had a house warming party. It was mostly, if not all, of my girlfriend's friends. I'm a cranky old developer so I don't have friends.
Everyone was nice and dressed nice and brought us gifts.. all of the gifts were pretty much specifically for my girlfriend.
So this one girl came... she's younger.. around 25. She came with no gift (I wasn't expecting gifts I just need to mention it for the plot), and was dressed in sweat pants. Alright, no problem.. I really don't care at least she's here.
So as more guests arrive I finally get a gift. Someone brought me a case of beer and a couple of yummy cookies. I had to put it down on the kitchen counter for a bit because I needed to grab more chairs.
The basement door where the chairs are is 10 feet away from where I left my present..
I come back from upstairs.. not even 5 minutes later and I see sweat pant girl stuffing one cookie in her fucking mouth and the other in her pants...
Are you fucking kidding me!? I bought desserts and snacks and all the alcohol you can think of and you steal MY fucking present. Not just one of them... but BOTH.
She saw the other guests give me it.. say "here buddy this is for you"... followed me in the kitchen and STOLE my fucking cookies.
I was going to eat them this morning with my coffee and I realized I couldn't because this fucking ass hole took my fucking cookies!!!!
I hosted this party for my girlfriend's SJW ass hole fucked up friends... put a smile on my face... pretended to like people... and for once didn't yell at someone... and the fucking thanks I get is 2 stolen fucking cookies.
Fuck her.20 -
CS Teacher: *provides shitty code written in (I kid you FUCKING NOT) Microsoft Word, sans font*
Me: *Submits beautiful, fully working and commented code*
Half a point off because I didnt write how many points the assignment was worth at the very top of the code.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU CUNT GOBBLER?! YOU JUST **HAD** TO TAKE THAT HALF A POINT OFF, DIDNT YOU? MAYBE YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY THE FACT I DONT USE MICROSOFT WORD TO WRITE C++?? God, I hope you take a nail gun to the eye.16 -
I just spent 20m debugging.
Basically bootstrap nav wasn't working. Couldn't understand why not.
Figured out its a an issue with the JS interfering so I remove the script reference from my HTML. Problem solved.
Okay,cool. Now let's add that file back in and figure out what caused the issue.
Hm. This line looks like it might be it *comments it out*...odd. Problem still happens.
*proceed to comment out and test every function to see what could be causing this issue*. Still happens. Fuck it. *comments the entire file out*
what the fucking fuck. I remove the script reference the problem is gone. I remove all code from the script - problem persists.
...wait...are you fucking kidding me. I OPENED THE WRONG JS FILE WITH THE SAME NAME BUT IN A DIFFERNT DIRECTORY.6 -
So a group of 'researchers' (you'll get later why I call them 'researchers') conducted research to find the most secure browser.
Their result is Google Chrome!
Few minor details:
- THE WHOLE FUCKING RESEARCH THINGY WAS (mostly?) SPONSORED BY GOOGLE.
- THEY COMPARED IT MOSTLY TO INTERNET FUCKING EXPLORER AND EDGE.
Are they fucking retarded or something?! Yeah if it's going to go like that, Google Chrome will certainly become the winner/number 1.
Mother of fucking god.65 -
Me: Oh I see were using a non-standard architecture on this app. I like this bit but what is this doing? never seen it before.
Him: Ah we use that to abstract the navigation layer.
Me: oh ok, interesting idea, but that means we need an extra file per screen + 1 per module. We also can't use this inbuilt control, which I really like, and we've to write a tonne of code to avoid that.
Him: Yeah we wanted to take a new approach to fix X, this is what we came up with. Were not 100% happy with it. Do you have any ideas?
**
Queue really long, multi-day architecture discussion. Lots of interesting points, neither side being precious or childish in anyway. Was honestly fantastic.
**
Me: So after researching your last email a bit, I think I found a happy middle ground. If we turn X into a singleton, we can store the state its generating inside itself. We can go back to using the in-built navigation control and have the data being fetched like Y. If you want to keep your dependency injection stuff, we can copy the Angular services approach and inject the singletons instead of all of these things. That means we can delete the entire layer Z.
Even with the app only having 25% of the screens, we could delete like 30+ files, and still have the architecture, at a high level, identical and textbook MVVM.
Him: singleton? no I don't like those, best off keeping it the way it is.
... are you fucking kidding me? You've reinvented probably 3 wheels, doubled the code in the app and forced us to take ownership of something the system handles ... but a singleton is a bad idea? ... based off no concrete evidence or facts, but a personal opinion.
... your face is a bad idea15 -
Fucking fuck fuck fucker fucking fuck
What a dumbass guy seriously. I have this colleague in my office who refuses to create a new branch because that will "ruin the single straight line". Are you seriously fucking kidding me??? The noobest guy ever doesnt know a third git command other than pulling and committing fucking nonsense. Why use git then? Just go back to creating zip files are maintain code. Fuck that guy too who hired him and now because of this fucking asshole I am not able to carry on my work.
Such so-called "developers" should be strapped to the back of a horse and the horse made to run on a gravel road for fuck's sake.. Fuck you man 🖕24 -
It finally happened. Upper management is demanding a historical (7+ years) of lines-of-code analysis of our entire code base. They want to justify our positions by validating that the lines-of-code has increased in accordance with the economy. I am not kidding. For every year, they expect some percent increase in our lines of code.17
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So because of the sheer number of interviews I’ve been doing I’m starting to get a bit brazen with them since I’ve started to really not give a fuck about most of them and I’ve started to notice patterns in common lines of questioning resulting in this unexpected gem today:
Interviewer: So we always start our devs off on the bottom end of our salary band.
Dev: Either give me the top or I’m not interested.
Interviewer: 😡. But if we start you at the top of the salary band we’ll have nothing to give you later. 🥺.
Dev: No need, I’ll take the money up front. Companies don’t give raises these days anyway, it’s just a carrot to dangle in front of the naive.
Interviewer: 😡. Well if all you care about is money so focussed on money you’ll just leave if a better offer comes around!
Dev: All the more reason to give me the highest number possible to defend against that possibility.
Interviewer: 😡. But there are other devs on the team with similar experience that will be making less than you.
Dev: Sounds like they fell for the negging and guilt tripping you are currently attempting on me in order to save a buck. Salary is not based on your skills or experience anymore, it’s based on your ability to negotiate. Here’s mine.
Interviewer: ………………. I’ll pass you along to the hiring manager.
Dev: ???? wtf
HOW THE FUCK DID THAT ACTUALLY WORK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I WAS TRYING TO GET THEM TO HANG UP FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES AND NOW I’M LOOKING AT A 20K RAISE ALL BECAUSE I CONTINUALLY TOLD THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES??? THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT IT TAKES TO BE TREATED PROPERLY BY A COMPANY???13 -
Female friend in office
"It feels so nice that we have a computer science grad with us. How else would have we managed to set up the printer without you?"
Not kidding. This actually happened with me.7 -
Working with different nationalities is interesting, and sometimes kind of bewildering. And tiring.
I've been working with an Indian dev for a little while, and while she's a decent dev, interactions with her sometimes leave me a little puzzled. She glazes over serious topics, totally over-sensationalizes unimportant oddities, has yet to say the word "no," and she refers to the senior devs as (quote) "the legends." Also, when asked a question by her boss, like "Are you familiar with this?" Instead of a simple yes/no answer, she shows off a little. Fair, I do this sometimes too, but it's a regular thing with her. Also, like most Indians I've known and/or worked with, she has a very strict class-and-caste view of the world. It honestly makes me a little uncomfortable with how she views people, like certain people belong in certain boxes, how some boxes (and therefore their contents) are inherently better than others, and how it's difficult or simply impossible to move between boxes. My obviously westerner view of things is that you can pick where you want to be and what you want to do, and all it takes to get there is acquiring the proper skills and putting in the required effort. I see no boxes at all, just a sprawling web of trades/specialities. And those legends she talks about? They're good devs with more knowledge than me, but only one, maybe two of them are better devs. I see them as coworkers and leads, not legends. Legends would be the likes of Ada Lovelace, Dennis Ritchie, Yukihuro Matsumoto, and Satoshi Nakamoto. (Among others, obv.). To call a lead dev a legend is just strange to me, unless they're actually deserving, but we don't work with anyone like Wozniak or Carmack.
Since I'm apparently ranting about her a little, let me continue. She's also extremely difficult to understand. Not because of her words or her accent, but I can't ever figure out what she's trying to get across. The words fit together and make valid sentences, but the sentences don't often make sense with one another, and all put together... I'm just totally lost. To be a math nerd, like the two conversations are skew lines: very similar, but can never intersect. What's more, if I say I don't understand and ask for clarification, she refuses and says she doesn't want to confuse me further, and to just do what I think is best. It's incredibly frustrating.
Specifically, we're trying to split up functionality on a ticket -- she's part of a different dev team (accounting), and really should own the accounting portion since she will be responsible for it, but there's no clear boundary in the codebase. Trying to discuss this has been... difficult.
Anyway.
Sometimes other cultures' world views are just puzzling, or even kind of alien. This Irish/Chinese guy stayed at my parents' house for a week. He had red hair, and his facial features were about 3/4 Chinese. He looked strange and really interesting. I can't really explain it, but interacting with him felt like talking to basically any other guy I've known, except sometimes his mannerisms and behavior were just shockingly strange and unexpected, and he occasionally made so little sense to me that I was really taken aback.
This Chinese manager I had valued appearances and percieved honors more than anything else. He cared about punctuality and attire more than productivity. Instead of giving raises for good work or promotions, he would give fancy new titles and maybe allow you to move your desk somewhere with a better view of your coworkers. Not somewhere nicer; somewhere more prominent. How he made connections between concepts was also very strange, like the Chinese/Irish guy earlier. The site templating system was a "bridge?" Idk? He also talked luck with his investors (who were also Chinese), and they would often take the investment money to the casino to see if luck was in the company's favor. Not even kidding.
Also! the Iranian people I've known. They've shown very little emotion, except occasionally anger. If I tried to appease them, they would spurn and insult me, but if I met their anger, they would immediately return to being calm, and always seemed to respect me more afterward. Again, it's a little puzzling. By contrast, meeting an American's anger often makes them dislike you, and exceeding it tends to begin a rivalry.
It's neat seeing how people of different nationalities have different perspectives and world views and think so very differently. but it can also be a little tiring always having to translate and to switch behavior styles, sometimes even between sentences.
It's also frustrating when we simply cannot communicate despite having a language in common.23 -
You're fucking using a PC.
If you're using an apple product that is a computer (it fucking computes things) and you can use it on your own then it is a personal computer. That's what PC means for the love of #keepDevrantReligionFree
I just saw someone saying that they use neither: Mac nor PC
Upon asking for clarification they said that they are using arch.
Are you fucking kidding me? Do you want to be as "cool" as Apple and refuse to use a name that's used for those kind of devices just to not belong in the same group as others?15 -
Frontend team : We pushed our code. Please give instructions regarding integration with Backend.
Me : Alright. I'll provide you the API docs and you can continue with integration.
F : But that's your job. No?
Me (didn't want to argue) : I'll look into it. Let me check out the frontend till then.
* Goes on to see the frontend *
I am kidding you not, that moth*rf*ck*r pushed an entire template along with dummy text.
Me : Hey! This doesn't seem right. It's just a template you got off the internet.
F : Yeah! That's what I have to do. To put on the dynamic content from database is your work. Don't put your responsibilities on me!!
Are you f*cking kidding me?! Do your work right or I am reporting you to the team lead!
Meanwhile, team lead : *sips coffee. Disappears for months*
Bastards!7 -
An app that lets you turn on the camera on someone's laptop to see if they're around. I'm not even kidding. She said it would be a social media thing... creeper.3
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What is the most ridiculous over-the-top "startup" thing you've been the victim of as a developer?
Alternatively, what kind of weird startup luxury would you absolutely love to have at your company?
For me, at various companies I've worked at/visited:
1. Hammocks & fatboy beanbags. Current employer has a "Netflix & Chill" corner with nice couches, and a small gym. I have encountered isolation/flotation tanks at the office of one of our partners... which is cool, but over the top in my opinion.
2. A fully automated aquaponics garden in the lunchroom. Was awesome, until some fish died and started to rot.
3. One hoverboard per employee, at previous employer. I splashed hot chocolate milk in an arc over three desks. A coworker broke his ankle while watching me spill chocolate milk.
4. Daily scrum standup meetings, on socks, in a big bouncy castle. Not kidding. Fucking ridiculous... (but secretly fun). That employer also had spiral slides between all floors, a tiny half-pipe with tiny skateboards, and someone who rode a unicycle way too much. It was a fucking circus. Stuck in the office of a Fintech company.
5. Soldering bench (at my current company), with drawers full of breadboards, servos and electronics components. Completely unrelated to my work, but it was my idea. It's just great to build a simple kits together with another random coworker while brainstorming platform features & refining specs... much better than meetings with bullshit slides.
6. Unlimited energy drink. Developed a serious caffeine habit (15-20 cans a day), and almost got a stomach ulcer. Not beneficial to employee health.
7. I really do love working from home + unlimited holidays. Just being able to honestly say "fuck you guys, I'm gonna get drunk and play games today", and at other times working until 4am and sleeping in the next day, or taking a week to work in a park in Rome... It makes work truly feel like my favorite hobby. Combined with a good sprints and curious/ambitious people, you can easily track productivity anyway.19 -
Project manager : I want you to do the job by tomorrow.
Me : I can't, there's some problem with MySQL.
PM : Then use somebody else's SQL, but I want the job done by tomorrow!
Me : *weeps in silence*5 -
Day 1 10:00 am
Login to email account (Zimbra)
Your password is incorrect (I entered it correctly, this was a permanent issue ,used to happen in the company with many employees)
Reset your password by logging into internal company portal.
11:00 am
Logged into company portal, somehow. 2 Mbps internet shared among 104 people, you can imagine the speed.
Reset email password
* your password has been sent to your email id*
Are you fucking kidding me? U have emailed me the password to the same email I can't log in to?
Where did the architecture designer get this top notch weed from?
Day 2
Asked HR to reset my password (using a colleague's email)
Day 3
No reply from HR yet
Day 4
I went to meet HR, she's on vacation. So they have 1 person managing the password reset, for 5000 people with no backup person. Cool.
Day 5
Your internal company password has expired. Check your email for link to create new password. This is some next level shit going on.
Day 6
I called up Internal IT team to generate a new email for me.
They asked me to raise a ticket.
I can't raise a ticket because the only way to do so, is through the portal.
Day 7
Nothing. Btw, personal email and all social networks were banned. You can't even open stackoverflow.
And this was a research lab, amazing huh?
Day 8
Loss of pay for 4 days since I can't login to company portal to fill timesheet.
Day 9
HR comes back. Resets my password.
I try to generate my new password for portal.
The password policy:
Password can't be same as last 10 passwords
Passwords expire every week
8 characters minimum, 2 upper case, 2 lower case, NO SPECIAL SYMBOL. WTF. How long do u think its gonna take to crack that?
Fuckers had a company wise policy to automatically lock PC every 1 min if not used. Who the fuck can keep on using it continuously! I'm reading an article, and bam ! Locked. 2 wrong entries and that's it, repeat all steps again. Fuckers really didn't want to let me do my job, just keep on logging in all day.12 -
I'm getting so pissed off by this client, here's the gist
We signed agreement defining the following deliverables:
- news page and news article page
- releases page and release info page
(it's a guy from a record label)
After the signature we (me and my colleagues) went to work and finished all that (+ a little more actually, yea I know never overstep your agreement right but we did) and we got paid (all good)
Now after payment he's asking us to do more (some kind of mail installation thing), so I obviously tell him, as I actually have many times before, that our agreement only stretched as far as those 4 deliverables and we wouldn't work without a new agreement defining a new set of requirements or an hourly rate.
Next he goes and tells me the following
==
We already have an agreement. I'm not paying you on an hourly rate as you are not next to me. Let me know
-- First off no we don't, the agreement only covered the 4 pages
== immediatly after
Also you really need to work on your costumer service. Your attitude is very rude. I don't know how many clients you have but all this distrust attitude is not in your favours. Let me know if you want to proceed?
-- Are you fucking kidding me? I am rude and distrustful? I JUST DO MY FUCKING JOB YOU PRICK
Sorry just need to let off some steam14 -
aslkfjasf. i've spent 12 hours today (and lots more over the past two days) trying to reproduce a bug that my [sort of] coworker insists is present. I haven't seen any proof of it anywhere, let alone steps to reproduce it.
I've poured through the code, following all of its tangled noodles of madness from start to fuck-this-shit. I've read and reread the pile of demon excrement so many times i can still read the code when i close my eyes. so. not. kidding.
anyway, the coworker person is getting mad because i haven't fixed the bug after days, and haven't even reproduced it yet. This feature is already taking way too fucking long so I totally don't blame him. but urghh it's like trying to unwind a string someone tied into a tight little ball of knots because they were bored.
but i just figured out why I haven't been able to reproduce it.
the stupid fucking unreliable dipshit ex-"i'm a rockstar and my code rocks"-CTO buffoon (aka API Guy, aka the `a=b if a!=b`loody pointless waste of mixed spaces and tabs) that wrote the original APIs ... 'kay, i need to stop for breath.
The dumbfuck wrote the APIs (which I based the new ones on mostly wholesale because wtf messy?), but he never implemented a very fucking important feature for a specific merchant type. It works for literally every type except the (soon-to-be) most common one. and it just so happens that i need that very specific feature to reproduce this bug.
Why is that one specific merchant type handled so differently? No fucking idea.
But exactly how they're handled differently is why I'm so fking pissed off. It's his error checking. (Some) of his functions return different object types (hash, database object, string, nullable bool, ...) depending on what happened. like, when creating a new gift, it (eventually...) either returns a new Gift object or a string error basically saying "ahhh everything's broken again!" -- which is never displayed, compared against, or recorded anywhere, ofc. Here, the API expects a Hash. That particular function call *always* returns a Hash, no matter what happens in the myriad, twisting, and interwoven branches the code could take. So the check is completely pointless.
EXCEPT. if an object associated with another object associated with the passed object (yep) has a type of 8. in which case, one of the methods in the chain returns a PrintQueue that gets passed back up the call stack. implicitly, and nested three levels in. ofc.
And if the API doesn't get its precious Hash, it exclaims that the merchant itself is broken, and tells the user to contact support. despite, you know, the PrintQueue showing that everything worked perfectly. In fact, that merchant's printer will be happily printing away in the background.
All because type checking is this guy's preferred method of detecting errors. (Raise? what's that? OOP? Nah, let's do diverging splintered-monolithic with some Ruby objects thrown in.)
just.
what the crap.
people should keep their mental diarrhea away from their keyboards.
Anyway. the summary of this long-winded, exhaustion-fueled tirade is that our second-most-loved feature doesn't work on our second-most-common merchant type.
and ofc that was the type of merchant i've been testing on. for days. while having both a [semi] coworker and my boss growing increasingly angry at me for my lack of progress.
It's also a huge feature, and the boss doesn't understand that. (can't or won't, idk)
So.
yep.
that's been my week.
...... WHAT A FUCKING BUFFOON!3 -
Wait what's that? You don't use version control on Production servers?
You want me to do what?
You want me to rename every file I have to replace with an underscore and the date after the extension so it looks like this?
SHIT.JAR_01262019
You've got to be fucking kidding me right!?
No?
Oh the production server is down again?
Is it because we're not using the right Jar file?
Well shit, I wonder why that's happening...2 -
Part of the new hire process was all salaried employees had to work all hourly position jobs for a day (over a several week period, not all in one day) to really understand what we do.
I once hazed a new network admin who was working in the call center and I sent his station a pop-up message:
“Ha! Fire me will you!! I planted this virus and if you don’t enter the password in 60 seconds I will erase the database.” The pop-up had a counter counting down from 60.
This was over the lunch hour, so all the supervisors and managers were away and ‘Mark’ in a panic ran into our office (I was hiding under my desk)
Mark: GUYS!!...GUYS!!!....OMG!….Where the frack is everybody?!!!”
He runs out.
I peek out the door window and about a second later he’s running down the hall with one of the vice presidents. Mark shows the VP the message, VP looks over at our office, sees me…laughs and walks back to his office (not saying much to Mark).
Mark not knowing what’s going on watches the counter…3...2…1….
”Just kidding. Welcome to the company!”
Ahhh…the repeated sounds of “You son of a -bleep-!!” never sounded so sweet.1 -
Overheard a phone call between the Senior Network Engineer and a contracted Printer-company at 9am this morning. Photocopier was giving a 'functional error' message on-screen and not printing;
N.E:
I logged this call last
Thursday afternoon. Thats 1.5 days of the photocopier not working on our busiest site! Where's the engineer??
.... yes, that's the error message.
Yes, i can log into it, you should have the IP address from the call.
Yes, it's obviously pinging too.
Yes.... we've power-cycled the printer multiple times...
yes, tried that too...
yes, I've unplugged the network cable as well... left it for 15 minutes.
... sorry. What?
What did you say?
Are you f***ing kidding me?
Would you also like me to rub the side of the f***ing machine, and say a prayer while I'm at it??
*takes a deep breath*
Fine, I'll do that but when it doesn't work, i want someone out on the site before lunchtime today!
*slams phone down angrily*
N.E to me as he stomps out of the office;
He wants me to get the user to unplug the network cable and do a power cycle. How the f**k is that going to help? Idiots! Don't know why we have a contract with them, i could do a better job!!!
*comes back into office 5 minutes later*
Me: did it fix it?
NE: yeah. Damn.
*leaves room again to make apologetic phonecall*2 -
My teacher at school who taught me programming. We were taught Java.
You see, Java is not a beginner's language, most say. But the way she taught it, the examples, the analogy, the explanation; she made it so easy.
She made us execute our first Hello World program (using BlueJ) and proudly said, "you're all programmers now!", that was when fascination took me over. I remember that moment till today.
Also, unlike regular exams, the programming exams required extreme competency. Marks were split up for algorithm and syntax. There were also questions like find the error in this algorithm for this output. She would always surprise us at the exams!
I had several glorious moments in class by being the first to answer most of her questions. At 13, it was kind of a big deal for me.
(Okay, who am I kidding, it still is :-P)
*sigh*
It was mostly just self learning from there. I switched schools and then there was college. Attending classes in college was like going to the gym with fat trainers. Utterly useless :-/ It just made me appreciate her even more.6 -
Less a rant, more just a sad story.
Our company recently acquired its sister company, and everyone has been focused on improving and migrating their projects over to our stack.
There's a ton of material there, but this one little story summarizes the whole very accurately, I think. (Edit: two stories. I couldn't resist.)
There's a 3-reel novelty slot machine game with cards instead of the usual symbols, and winnings based on poker-like rules (straights and/or flushes, 2-3 of a kind, etc.) The machine is over a hundred times slower than the other slot machines because on every spin it runs each payline against a winnings table that exhastively lists every winning possibility, and I really do mean exhaustively. It lists every type of win, for every card, every segment for straights, in every order, of every suit. Absolutely everything.
And this logic has been totally acceptable for just. so. long. When I saw someone complaining in dev chat about how much slower it is, i made the bloody obvious suggestion of parsing the cards and applying some minimal logic to see if it's a winning combination. Nobody cared.
Ten minutes later, someone from the original project was like "Hey, I have an idea, why don't we do it algorithmically to not have a 4k line rewards table?"
He seriously tried stealing a really bloody obvious idea -- that he hadn't had for years prior -- and passing it off as his own. In the same chat. Eight messages below mine. What a derpballoon.
I called him out on it, and he was like "Oh, is that what you meant by parsing?" 🙄
Someone else leaped in to defend the ~128x slower approach, saying: "That's the tech we had." You really didn't have a for loop and a handful of if statements? Oh wait, you did, because that's how you're checking your exhaustive list. gfj. Abysmal decisions like this is exactly why most of you got fired. (Seriously: these same people were making devops decisions. They were hemorrhaging money.)
But regardless, the quality of bloody everything from that sister company is like this. One of the other fiascos involved pulling data from Facebook -- which they didn't ever even use -- and instead of failing on error/unexpected data, it just instantly repeated. So when Facebook changed permissions on friends context... you can see where this is going. Instead of their baseline of like 1400 errors per day, which is amazingly high, it spiked to EIGHTEEN BLOODY MILLION PER DAY. And they didn't even care until they noticed (like four days later) that it was killing their other online features because quite literally no other request could make it out. More reasons they got fired. I'm not even kidding: no single api request ever left the users' devices apart from the facebook checks.
So.
That's absolutely amazing.8 -
A colleague and I spent a month building a Shopify app that allows merchants to give customers store credit.
Since Shopify's API is so limited, we were forced to augment it's functionality with a Chrome extension.
Now before you go throwing full wine bottles at your screen because of how wrong and disgusting that is, note that Shopify's official documentation recommends 5 different extensions to augment functionality in their admin panel, so as gross as it is, it seems to be the Shopify way...
Today we got a reply from their review team. They won't accept the app because it requires a Chrome extension to work properly and that is a security risk.
Are you fucking kidding me? So I guess Shopify is exempt from their own security standards. Good to know.
Not to mention the plethora of published apps that require a staff account's username and password to be provided in plain text upon setup so it can spoof a login and subsequent requests to undocumented endpoints.
Fuck you and your "security standard" Shopify! -
So this is going to be one hell of a FUCKING rant.
Just heard from a friend (doing the same exams I passed, it was going to happen in two groups and he was in the second) that he failed the first out of three phases. And why?
I NEARLY FUCKING FAILED THE FIRST FUCKING PHASE. I GOT A FAIR CHANCE TO MAKE IT RIGHT AND I TOOK THAT CHANCE.
BUT.
MY FRIEND MADE THE SAME MISTAKE. HE MISSED A FUCKING DOCUMENT AND ASKED FOR OVERTIME, WHICH HE GOT AND THEN HE ASKED THE EXAMINOR VERY NICELY IF HE COULD TELL HIM WHAT DOCUMENT HE MISSED (for the record, it was bad documentation and it was not clear that it had to be a seperate document) AND WHAT DID THAT FATHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER SAY?
Hmm hmm hmmm.... nope, that's your responsibillity
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? HE HELPED ME BUT NOT HIM? I KNOW YOU LIKE ME MORE THAN HIM BUT IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING REASON TO LET HIM FUCKING FAIL?!?!?!?
I AM MOTHERFUCKING FUCKITY FUCKING FURIOUS.9 -
TL;DR: Fuck you Apple.
10:30 PM, parent needs iPhone update to update Messenger. How hard can this be?
Need to update iPhone from 9.x to latest, which is so outdated it still required iTunes. Fk.
Boot iTunes on Windows 10 pc that is at least 10 years old.
Completely unresponsive
Crash in task manager
Launch and is completely unresponsive. (Also starts playing unrequested music.. Oh joy..)
Fuck this, go to apple.com to download iTunes exe
Gives me some Microsoft store link. Fuck that shit, just give me the executable
Google “iTunes download”. click around on shitty Apple website. Success.
Control panel. Uninstall iTunes. (Takes forever, but it works)
Restart required (of fucking course).
2 eternities later. Run iTunes exe. Restart required. Fk.
Only 1 eternity later. Run iTunes, connect iPhone.
Actually detects the device. (holy shit, a miracle)
Starts syncing an empty library to the phone. Ya, fuck that.
Google. Disable option. Connect phone. Find option to update.
Update started. Going nowhere fast. Time for a walk at 1:00 AM punching the air.
Come back. Generic error message: Update failed (-1). Phone is stuck installing update. (O shit)
1x hard reset
2x hard reset
Google. Find Apple forum with exact question. Absolutely useless replies. (I expected no less)
Google recovery mode. Get into recovery mode.
Receive message: “You can update, but if it fails, you will have to reset to factory settings”. Fuck it, here we go.
Update runs (faster this time). Fails again. Same bullshit error message. (Goddammit, fuck. This might actually be bad.)
Disconnect phone.
… It boots latest iOS version. (holy shit, there is a god)
Immediately kill iTunes. Fuck that shit.
Parents share Apple account
Sign in, 2FA required.
Fat finger the code.
Restart “welcome” process.
Will not send code. What. The. Fuck.
Requests access code on other parent’s iPhone.
No code present. What???
Try restarting welcome process again. No dice. (Of course)
Set code on other parent’s iPhone.
Get message “Code is easy to guess”. Ya. IDGAF
Use code on newly updated iPhone. Some success.
Requires reset of password.
Password cannot be the same as old password (Goddammit)
Change password.
Welcome process done.
Sign in again on same phone after welcome process done in settings. (Nice.)
Sign in again on other phone with updated password
Update Messenger.
Update hangs. Needs more space.
Delete shit.
Update frozen in App Store (Really??)
Restart iPhone.
Update Messenger.
Update complete past 2. Well that was easy.
Apple, fuck you.
Some call Android unintuitive, but I look at the settings app on iPhone and realize you aren’t any better.
This company hasn’t been innovative since 2007. Over 1000 USD for a phone? Are you fucking kidding me?
Updating an iPhone from iOS 9.x is probably uncommon anymore. But this is a fucking joke. Fix your shit.
Shit like this is why I’ll never again own an Apple product. I have HAD IT with the joke of a business.
Thanks for reading.17 -
D: Hey, your stuff isn't working, fix your stuff or it will become a road blocker.
Me: Why it is not working?
D: Because I used the same table as you used, and I changed a few things. there are 22 reasons for it.
(polite conversation stopped and I redirected him to my manager)
WTF? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU CHANGED MY STUFF WITHOUT TELLING ME AND YOU ARE NOT USING ANY SOURCE CONTROL? WTF? YOU CREATED THIS SHIT AND CALL MY STUFF NOT WORKING? ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?
CUT YOUR FINGERS AND POINT TO YOURSELF.2 -
WHAT THE FUCK, AVAST!
You can't just fucking unbind chrome from my taskbar and pin your fucking trash excuse of a browser.
Reading the fucking Wikipedia article:
"It is based on Chromium, but was subsequently found to contain a serious security flaw not present in Chromium itself."
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
39 -
This was not a client but my CEO himself. The website of the company was supposed to be made responsive. So, during the design phase I was explaining how how events should not be used to display ideal information as hover don't exist in touch devices. To this, he says, "Why don't you create something so that when the user has his hand over the phone(like an inch above, but not touched), it treats it like a hover".
The worst part is I still don't know if he was kidding or not!8 -
Freaking tech support.
Freaking sparkhire.
Their 'one-way interview' bs only supports flash. Flash. in production. in 2019. Flash died years ago, and its support ends next year. What the crap?
Anyway, I finally decided I should do the interview since they already have all of my information anyway. Thanks, "privacy-conscious" third party. Totally appreciate it.
I spent half an hour and couldn't get flash working on their site (but all other sites were fine), so I contacted their support. I gave them all the relevant specs (inc. ofc browser), the steps to reproduce, and all of my attempts at fixing the issue.
To their credit, I recieved a response within a few minutes. To their discredit: their response was: "What browser are you using?" This question was followed by my report (including, ofc, my browser and all the other overlooked details), immediately followed by a "debugging info" section appended by their support service that also included my browser, os, and other specs.
Learn to fucking read.
Their suggestion? Use google chrome. Barring that: record your 20-30 minute video by holding your phone in front of your face the entire time. I am so not kidding.
They also asked what page i was having difficulty on. You guessed it: the page url was also included within that "debugging info" section.
It wasn't a form letter, either. I'd understand if it was all automated, but it was a real person who was really typing up the emails, and really didn't bother reading a damned thing.
I did end up getting flash working, but their "tech support" (script-reader) was entirely useless.16 -
I don't understand this. How is that Facebook is one of the biggest company in the world and have the worst fucking mobile apps ever created. I just use messenger to talk with my mom and it's utter rubbish.
When a call arrives, there's no way to silence that call apart from setting the phone to mute. All the other apps shut up when you either click power button or volume button. But this fucking messenger piece of Satan's anus won't respond to any fucking button when I have a call.
Not only that, once you have received the call, there's no way you can rotate the app without ending the call, turning on auto rotate and call again. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? how the fuck is it that you're so fucking big but you don't have this simple features in your fucking app?
And yeah, most of the time, when I receive a call in mobile, it doesn't appear on the desktop website. If it does and I receive the call from there, the mobile app still keeps shouting. AND GUESS WHAT, at that point, if I reject the call from the mobile, it will end the call that I accepted from the desktop. HAHA, WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE.
Facebook, please stop being a piece of shite. Put your goddamn money to good use. If you can't make a good app, maybe outsource it to other companies. They will do a better job than you.21 -
Stackexchange hot network questions...
Whenever you're debugging shit like "What weapons could squirrels use" pops up and I'm not even kidding when I say there's fucking serious answers... Some of them a few pages long3 -
tl;dr @Root refactors some spaghetti.
I'm refactoring an api that creates a support message. It's a post route.
When seeing a magic hardcoded message string, this route instead updates the user object, and does not create a support message.
It also returns different results if the user is muted (fine) or if saving the message succeeds or fails (fine).
But if the user is creating a duplicate message, it doesn't save the message (fine) and... redirects to listing their messages instead? Wat?
Also, when refactoring this (migrating to a new message backend), I discovered that not all routes return a response. If the message is a non-duplicate, from a non-muted player, from a non-redacted client, the route doesn't respond at all!
So, I'm having fun cleaning this up. I actually am. Except I'll need to support all of the legacy clients for the next lifetime or two. I mean, really. There are still people with Android v2 devices who are using this thing. not even kidding.9 -
I have bank accounts with 5 different banks.
I HAVE TO use 4-5 different government websites.
Every fucking place: you cannot use these "~-/;^"(some others too) symbols in your password.
Are you freaking fucking kidding me!! And all of them have a limit of 12or15 characters.
If this wasn't mind numbingly stupid enough, they fucking go ahead and force you to change password every fucking month or two.
THIS IS NOT SECURITY. YOU SHOULDN'T FORCE SOMEONE TO LIMIT THERE PASSWORDS TO:
- CERTAIN CHARACTERS
- A 15 CHARACTER SIZE LIMIT
- THRN OVERTHAT, FORCE TO CHANGE PASSWPRDS PERIODICALLY.
ALL THE 5 MAJOR FUCKING BANKS IN INDIA.
FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK YOUU 🖕11 -
Languages I have used this week at work:
PHP, JS, VB6, VB.net, C#.
Im not kidding.
Time to relax with some good ol' beer 🤣8 -
After returning back from the company we were purchasing a new phone system (hardware+software, $100K+, kind of a big deal)
VP: “I need the new phone system software integration for our CRM by next week. I need to demo the system for the other VPs”
Me: “No problem. Were you able to get their API like I asked?”
VP: “Salesman didn’t know for sure what that was, but he said all the developer software documentation is on their site.”
Me: “Did he give you a URL? Their main site is all marketing mumbo-jumbo. I assume there is another one specific for developers.”
VP: “Yea, he might have said something, but I don’t understand why you need it. The salesman said the integration would be seamless. He showed me several demos.”
Me: “No, I mean I need to know, is the API a full client install? a simple dll? is this going to be a web service integration? How will I know what to program against?”
VP: “I think I heard him say something about COM? Does that sound like an API?”
Me: “It’s a start. Did he provide you anything, a disk, a flash drive, anything with the software?”
VP: “No, only thing he told me was our CRM integration would be seamless and our development team would have no problems.”
Me: “OK..OK…I get it…he’s a salesman. Is there an 1-800 number I can call? A technical support email address? Anyone technical I can reach out to?”
VP: “Probably, but I don’t understand what the problem is. I need the CRM integrated by next week. I gave the other VPs a promise we would get it done. I do not break promises.”
Me: “Wait…when are we installing the new system?”
VP: “Well, the purchase order will be cut at the end of the month’s billing cycle, the company has about a two month turnaround time to deliver and install the hardware, so maybe 3 months from now? Are you going to be able to have the integration ready for next week?”
Me: “If we won’t see any of the hardware for 3 months, what exactly am I integrating with?”
VP: “That API you wanted or whatever it is. COM…yea, it’s COM. I was told the integration would be seamless and our developers would have no problem. I don’t understand why you can’t simply write the code to make it work. Getting the hardware installed is going to be the hardest part.”
Me: “OK, so I have no documentation, we have no hardware, no software, and no idea what this ‘seamless integration’ means. I’m afraid there isn’t anything I can do right now. ”
VP: “Fine!...I’ll just have to tell the other VPs you were not able to execute the seamless integration with the CRM.”
Which he did. When the hardware+software was finally installed, they hired consultants (because I “failed”). I think the bill was in the $50K range to perform the ‘integration’ which consisted of Excel spreadsheets (no kidding). When approached with the primary CRM integration, the team needed our API documentation, a year’s development time and $300K. I was pissed off enough, and I had the API documentation, I was able to get the basic CRM integration within 3 days. When an agent receives a call, I look up the # in our database, auto-fill the form with the customer info, etc. Easy stuff when you have the documentation.
The basics worked and the VP was congratulated by ‘saving’ the company $300K. May or may not have been bonuses involved, rumors still out on that one, but I didn't see em'. Later my manager told me the VP was really ticked that I performed the integration ‘behind his back’, but because it was a success, he couldn’t fire me.10 -
My study's logic every fucking time: (I'm a senior by the way)
Junior: Sir, could you help me out for a minute?
Teacher: I'm busy right now, please fill out the support request form and go ask one of the seniors (yeah, not even kidding)
Junior: Alright, hey dude, could you help me out maybe?
Me: yeah of course, just get your laptop and go sit here next to me!
Other Teacher: Hey you, leave the seniors alone, they've got their own work!
2 -
How the fuck am I expected to salvage a fucking project that has been handed down to me with.
- No fucking clear architecture
- No fucking documentation
- Fucking shitty ass code base with no fucking coding standards
- The previous team was fucking learning a whole fucking new technology stack *Not fucking kidding* making fucking mistakes left and right
- No code reviews
- Mixing fucking local and cloud enviroment together
- No fucking testing
- Feature that were supposed to be implemented and are not working
- No configuration all the stuff are hard coded
- Full responsiblity for the whole stack
- Only one other guy with me
- And this fucking project has been delayed for a year
- MUCH FUCKING MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM
Like what the fuck am I expected to do? I took the job thinking that people knew what the fuck they were doing and surprise surprise that was a fucking bust.
the problem is also I am the junior and these fucking people have more experience than me, what the fuck happened to over seeing people's work, PM doesnt give a shit, developers dont give a shit nobody gives a shit.
But when I got this surprise surprise now everyone is interested in finishing the project
BULLSHIT11 -
me: "Why not just use AJAX?"
guy who wasn't kidding: "Uh... oh is that a SOAP joke? Haha.."
:/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/2 -
When you learn your project will be launched Monday in an email sent to the whole company, just before the weekend...
I'm not even kidding. No one on our team was consulted if the app was ready or not.
There was no infrastructure in place to even deploy the app. Everything had to be done in a hurry over the weekend to deploy something half baked, thanks to that idiot project manager who told his boss everything was ready.
Two colleagues ended up doing this work over the weekend, but looking back, if I was the one having to get something deployed over the weekend, I would have just refused and come back to work as usual on Monday and watch that idiot explain why it's not live. -
//
// devRant unofficial UWP update (v2.0.0-beta7)
//
After "Active Discussions" (implemented in v2.0.0-beta5), it was time to implement the last missing app section, "Collabs".
This is the biggest update since the start of the public beta, over 100 changes (new features, improvements, fixes).
Changelog (v2.0.0-beta7):
- Support for Collabs
- Notifs Tabs
- & more... read the entire changelog here: https://jakubsteplowski.com/en/...
Microsoft Store: https://microsoft.com/store/apps/...
I'm really happy to announce that the unofficial UWP client has now 100% of the features available on the official Android and iOS apps (if we don't count Push Notifs 😝 but they will arrive soon too).
It took several months of hard work, but I made it... it's here, it reached the level I wanted to reach since the beginning of this project (May 2016) (if we don't count Push Notifs).
I did it a lot of times, but I think they deserve it everytime, I would like to thank all the people who made this possible, all the active users, who opened issues, suggested features, or just used my app and had fun, posted positives (and negatives, motherfuckers, just kidding, maybe) reviews on Microsoft Store etc.
The entire community who made me want to do this project.
You're amazing guys!
Of course this is not the end of this project, I want to bring the app out of the beta and support it until I will be able to do it, releasing updates almost simultaneously with @dfox and @trogus.
Planned to be done:
- Support for Anniversary Update
- Push Notifs
- Custom Themes
- Close the 15+ issues (features requests, fixes) on the issue tracker on GitHub
- Ranti by @Alice: Your devRant Assistant <- I really hope it will become a thing :)
- Your future suggestions -> post them here: https://github.com/JakubSteplowski/...
Thanks for the attention,
Good ranting!
10 -
So if Verizon agreed to not SIM lock phones in order to get the the 700MHz Block C license aka LTE Band 13, and now they're SIM Locking phones, does that mean they're going to lose their LTE license?
.
.
.
Just kidding, that'd require an FCC with a spine. But it fucking should.3 -
I have to rant a bit about the toxic reactions to a constructive Q&A website.
People keep complaining that they get downvotes and corrections, or stuff like that.
Are you fucking kidding me?
So you expect people to spend their own time for absolutely free, to help you, while you don't even want to invest in describing the issue you're having properly? And then complain that people are having issues in understanding your questions?
Let's look at this scientifically. Let's gather up some questions that have been received badly on SO in the last few hours. From the top (simply put https://stackoverflow.com/questions... in front of the id):
47619033 - person wants a discussion about an algorithm while not providing any information about what worked and what failed. "Please write a program for me". Breaking at least 2 rules.
47619027 - "check out my videos" spam
47619030 - "Here's the manual that has my answer but I can't find my answer in it".
47619004 - "how do I keep variables in memory"
47618997 - debug this exception, I'll give you no info on what I tried and failed. Screw this, you guys figure this out, I'm going out for beer.
47618993 - expects everyone to guess what the input is, what the expected output is, and whether he has read what HashMap is in the manual. But sure, this question is so far the best out of all the bad ones.
47618985 - please write code according to my specifications
Should I go on? There wasn't a single clear question about problems in code in this entire small set. Be free to continue searching, let me know if you find something that:
1. You understand what's being asked
2. Answer is clear and non-ambiguous (ex. NOT "which language is the coolest?")
3. Not asking someone to write a program for them.
4. Answer is not found in the most basic form of manuals (ex. php.net)
5. Is about programming.
The point is:
If you get downvoted on Stackoverflow - then you wrote a shitty question. Instead of coming over here and venting uselessly, simply address the concerns and at least TRY to write a clear question if you expect any answers.5 -
I'm planning on making a start-up. The brand name will be 'Void'. And motto:l is 'Because Nothing is Better Than Something'. I'm not kidding.
Just want to know if that's a good idea 😂😂10 -
Preface: My company took over another company. A week ago I inherited their IT.
"IT" !!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!
Their server stood at an ex employees homeoffice. So I drove to her and she had 0 idea about IT. Server was just "Running". I tore that fuck down and saw an aweful lot of Hentai in all home folders.
WTF?!
Not enough, their crm was a makroinfested access table. Shit was protected so I couldn't even edit the makros. The retarded fucktards hardcoded paths to serverside folder \\fuck\you\hard\cavetroll
Just so that server will never see the light of my domain! Damn you? Mothership of sisterfucking dickgirls!10 -
A senior engineer with about 8 experience in my team and company for almost a year now. Believe it or not, still hasn't setup local dev environment.
Every time we ask this person to set it up / refer to guide in Confluence / or just use the docker image the person says ok.
Starts sending code for pull request. The code would not even compile in most cases just from a quick scan. When questioned how was this tested, answer would be more or less 'oh my local setup not working, could you test it out for me.'
Doesn't know how to write tests. Fairly recently instead of storing string values in a list, (I swear am not kidding) decided to come up with 20 string variables.
8 years plus experience! I think this is retarded even for a fresh grad.9 -
I fucking love noise cancelling headphone. Not just to block the noise but also to dive elbows deep into focus mode with code.
That is until your partner sneeks up to you on the side you don’t see.
I’m not kidding i just had a fucking heart attack guys!9 -
QA : There is a bug, come at my desk now !
Me : I'm busy on some feature, can you make an issue on Jira I will fix it later.
QA : NO! It's a major issue
Me : Ok... I come.
* 3 hours later *
QA : I just created you the Jira you asked
Me : I told you, the bug is already fixed since 2 hours
QA : yeah but I will not test it until you mark the issue as done on Jira
.... Are you kidding me ??? So you interrupted me in my work two times for one stupid issue...4 -
I brushed my teeth and went to bed at 10, opened up youtube and just chilled out,
boss calls me up at 11 I'm like, nah fam tomorrow...
Calls again and again and again, calling for the 6 time on 2 numbers!?
(M8 can't u see I'm out)
Then he texts me, bro, it's urgent!
I decide to call him up.
Boss: hey dude
Me: hey (trying to not get triggered)
Me: so what's so urgent?
Boss: OK so 2 things, I will email all of our job applicants on August 28, 2: are you available tomorrow?
Me: ( LITERALLY GOT TRIGGERED AS FUCK, THOUGHT WE HAD A DICK PICTURE ON OUR SITE OR HOSTINGER DECIDED TO BILL 2 TIMES)
ME: 👏Dude, this is so urgent? R u kidding me???? Am I available tomorrow and you will email are job applicants on August 28????
Ffs I swear6 -
Visual Studio : Not all code paths return a value
Me : That method is only with a single line, and it's a return with the value. Don't fucking kidding me.10 -
"PLEASE COME QUICKLY OUR INTERNAL NETWORK IS FUCKED!
-Uh, mam', could you describe the problem?"
Spent an hour, trying to fix this "network issue". Basic level 1 and 2 support. Can't connect using RDP on the server. No teamviewer either. Unplug, replug everything. Restart the server, the router, the switches. I knew that it was something dumb. I spent 3h on the highway.
To find.
That the fucking.
Ethernet cable.
Was plugged oN THE MOTHER FUCKING ILO PORT! FUCK HP, FUCK THIS, FUCK ME BECAUSE I SHOULD'VE ASKED FOR A PHOTO.
"It's fixed, mam'. Did you touch something when it was working?
-Uh, no, I swear. Also, could you please take a look at our printer? It's not working. It was out of ink so I changed the cartridge yesterday, but today it's not working!"
The cartridge was not inserted correctly.
Then she nicely made me a coffee, thanking me for the fix and asking what the problems were.
Just kidding.4 -
When you ask the IT-Department of a company collab with Microsoft, why you aren't allowed to use Firefox instead of IE.
The answer is: "It's insecure because it's open source"
YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME INSECURE ??? IT IS MORE SECURE AS IE!!! INSECURE BECAUSE OPEN SOURCE? THAN LET'S USE CHROME OR OPERA INSTEAD BUT NOT IE2 -
Not letting Google (overtly) use your data has its drawbacks.
For example, lately I've been getting senior dating ads in my Gmail app.
I mean really, Google, I know you know I'm 30 and married; who's kidding who?1 -
I'm a lead engineer, I design, I code, I debug, I test, I struggle, I deliver, I'm just a basic building block in my company, hardly involve in product roadmap planning. This is pretty clear in my LinkedIn profile. Jp Morgan recruiter called me for Vice president role. VP? Seriously? me skipping 4-5 levels, just with an interview process? Are you kidding me?
I asked her two times "...are you sure?", I lost my words, somehow gathered courage and asked, "what's the portfolio looks like, how many people will report to me?" Then she, calmly revealed that it's just an ic dev role and they name it that ways in their company.
What the actual ducking-duck-duckkk!
P.s. not sure about jpmc rest of the world but that's how it is in jp Morgan india.8 -
> creates new PR for open source project
> runs tests locally before pushing
> pushes
> waits 8h (not kidding) for appveyor checks to complete
> tests failed
MOTHERF- -
A cable company in my home country recently launched their cloud hosting solution.
Their cheapest plan is $125 and it comes with a 1vCPU, 1GB of RAM and 50 GB HDD. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. That's the equivalent of a $10 plan in DigitalOcean.
P.S.
Picking Linux or Windows does not change the price 😐4 -
/**
* Do not read before New Year.
**/
Happy coding to all of you guys! My very best wishes for this 2018. May your code be free of bugs the whole year.
P.S. Fuck you testers (just kidding, we need you)4 -
Describe the most hellish development environment you can imagine for yourself:
Me:
Workstation OS: Windows Vista with network boot, no hard disk and can't save local files
Server OS: Closed physical appliance of Windows Server 2000 with no possibility of installing extra software
Languages: Visual Basic, Perl, Php, assembly, ABAP
IDE: None, just echoing code lines to files
Web technologies: IIS, Sharepoint, Java applets, asp
Network: No internet access, internal company network only
Web browser: IE 6
Graphical design software: msPaint
Version control: Emails
Team communication: Emails
Software distribution vector: Emails
Boss: some 40 year old guy who knows nothing about computers
Not kidding most of these stuff were actually real in my previous workplace.11 -
Not kidding. I just woke up from a dream where Linus Torvalds invited us to his house. We were talking about early days of git and his views on Cloud bleed. I don't want to wake up 😭😭😭
-
My worst experience was at my job where they told me I have to move to a permanent position from 3 years of contracting without a specific offer.
Why is that bad? In my country it means approximatly 40% lower wage.
I came into the job with PHP knowledge when they were looking for Perl on a project one year behind schedule. I learned the language and finished working demo in 6 weeks.
After that, every project that was ever assigned to me was done within 5-15% of the allocated time. I'm not kidding here. My manager loved be, because I was reliable, fast and I even 'accidentaly' solved other problems, like for instance I developed simple syslog search tool and benchmarked zip algos for reading speed, and the fastest had 70% better compression than the algo used before (gzip into plzip on 1-2gb files). That solved anothet problem - syslog servers did not have enough disk space and they didn't have money to upgrade the server.
The number of projects I touched or developed was over 20.
I also lead and developed our team's most successful tool, that every customer was throwing money to buy, while cutting down costs everywhere.
And after three years of that, my manager says that there are no more money for contractors. And the only possibility is going for employment. Without any specific offer! Just 'we cant do this anymore'.
Which I understand, that can happen in corporation, but ffs after all I've done, I expected warmer attitude. Not like 'you may have to leave, since we do not really care'.
I liked the people there, even though the corporation environment was lacking in many respects, but I wanted to help our local branch with everything I could and they gave up on me like that.
So I started looking elsewhere and I found a startup which offered 6 times the money I had in my previous job and promises to relocate me to USA. Which is the best thing that has happened to me that year and second best in my whole life!3 -
I'm installing Gentoo on a keyboard. Not even kidding.
.
.
.
.
.. well, clickbait aside, it's a laptop that's been turned into a keyboard on steroids, its backlight broke so I had to remove the display until I get around fixing that.. but its keyboard is so good. They don't make them like that anymore... So yeah 🙃 turning it into some kind of controller for the other desktops. Tomorrow (or rather, in half a week when the Gentoo installation is finally complete) I'll be SSH'ing into my keyboard 😛
The finish line for my Linux journey is starting to get in sight 😄4 -
Real story, I'm not kidding you.
But I wouldn't believe it, if it hadn't happened right now.
Customer calls, one device gets no mobile data connection.
I checked everything ... no errors to be found. Just no connection.
After half an hour we found the reason: Someone inserted the SIM the wrong way.
*facepalm*
How the hell can someone put in a SIM the wrong way? There is only one way it'll fit in.
I don't get it.7 -
Is it just me who sees this? JS development in a somewhat more complex setting (like vue-storefront) is just a horrible mess.
I have 10+ experience in java, c# and python, and I've never needed more than a a few hours to get into a new codebase, understanding the overall system, being able to guess where to fix a given problem.
But with JS (and also TS for that matter) I'm at my limits. Most of the files look like they don't do anything. There seems to be no structure, both from a file system point of view, nor from a code point of view.
It start with little things like 300 char long lines including various lambdas, closures and ifs with useless variables names, over overly generic and minified method/function names to inconsistent naming of files, classes and basically everything else.
I used to just set a breakpoint somewhere in my code (or in a compiled dependency) wait this it is being hit and go back and forth to learn how the system state changes.
This seems to be highly limited in JS. I didn't find the one way to just being able to debug, everything that is. There are weird things like transpilers, compiler, minifiers, bablers and what not else. There is an error? Go f... yourself ...
And what do I find as the number one tipp all across the internet? Console.log?? are you kidding me, sure just tell me, your kidding me right?
If I would have to describe the JS world in one word, I would use "inconsistency". It's all just a pain in the ass.
I remember when I switcher from VisualStudio/C# to Eclipse/Java I felt like traveling back in time for about 10 years. Everyting seemd so ... old-schoolish, buggy, weird.
When I now switch from java to JS it makes me feel the same way. It's all so highly unproductive, inconsistent, undeterministic, cobbled together.
For one inconveinience the JS communinity seems to like to build huge shitloads of stuff around it, instead of fixing the obvious. And noone seems to see that.
It's like they are all blinded somehow. Currently I'm also trying to implement a small react app based on react-admin. The simplest things to develop and debug are a nightmare. There is so much boilerplate that to write that most people in the internet just keep copying stuff, without even trying to understand what it actually does.
I've always been a guy that tries to understand what the fuck this code actuall does. And for most of the parts I just thing, that the stuff there is useless or could be done in a way more readable way. But instead, all the devs out there just seem to chose the "copy and fix somehow-ish" way.
I'm all in for component-izing stuff. I like encapsulation, I'm a OOP guy by heart. But what react and similar frameworks do is just insane. It's just not right (for some part).
Especially when you have to remember so much stuff that is just mechanics/boilerplate without having any actual "business logical function".
People always say java is so verbose. I don't think it is, there is so few syntax that it almost reads like a prose story. When I look at JS and TS instead, I'm overwhelmed by all the syntax, almost wondering every second line, what the actual fuck this could mean. The boilerplate/logic ration seems way to off ..
So it really makes me wonder, if all you JS devs out there are just so used to that stuff, that you cannot imagine how it could be done better? I still remember my C# days, but I admin that I just got used to java. So I can somehow understand that all. But JS is just another few levels less deeper.
But maybe I'm just lazy and too old ...4 -
Fucking teachers, man.
I had to present a project today.
Teacher randomly asks me
"Where did you copy this from?"
At this point I'm pretty fucking pissed, but am thinking that he might just be kidding around or fucking with me. Nope. Serious question. Well, fuck, now I have to start defending my own fucking work, because this fucking asshole assumes that I copied my project from somewhere.
He fucking questions me like I'm a murder suspect for half an hour. After that he gave me a passing grade.
I have no problem with the grade. My project wasn't entirely finished, I knew that I would only get a shitty grade on it.
I have a problem with this line of questioning. That fucker thinks that accusing people of plagiarism okay. I don't think there are appropriate words to describe such a rotten person.
The funny thing is, that colleagues who did in fact copy all their fucking work, were not questioned in such a way.
So basically if you think for yourself, work your ass off, you are a fucking cheating asshole.
Dear teacher,
I can say, from the bottom of my heart, go fuck yourself.14 -
Got an email stating that our meal preferences for the upcoming conference were finalized and that we needed to make sure they were right. Checked and saw my shellfish allergy was not included despite my email from the week prior asking them to update that.
Got an email back that gave me a good long “are you fucking kidding me” pause.
It just said “Check your drafts I didn’t receive that email.”
So I forwarded the original and just put “:)” in the body.
I need a new new job.6 -
Stack Overflow ..Are you kidding ? . <3 people who code . We have a 10+ developers in team still not able to build stable product.
8 -
This new junior dev was going pretty well, learning pretty fast and working pretty fast from when I talked to them, but I wasn't seeing his changes up on GitHub.
Me: Hey have you finished *feature X*
Junior: Oh yeah a few days ago.
Me: Why aren't your changes up on GitHub?
Junior: Sorry, my bad, im not used to pushing stuff during the development since i was used to do all of my stuff on my own
(No kidding!)
Me: ok then push them
Junior: Emmm... I don't think I should... I kinda already started working on *feature Y* so it's full of bugs...
I don't wanna be mad at them they're pretty good at their stuff, and he's got some good comments on the performance of the program. But UUGGHH 😠
Rookie mistakes I guess14 -
Disclaimer: Long tale of a tech support job. Also the wk29 story is at the bottom.
One time I was working tech support for a website and email hosting firm that was in town. I was hired and worked as the only tech support person there, so all calls came in through me. This also meant that if I was on a call, and another one came through, they would go straight to voice mail. But I couldn't hang up calls either, so, sometimes someone would take up tons of time and I'd have to help them. I was also the "SEO" and "Social Media Marketing" person, as well; managed peoples' social media campaigns. I have tons of stories from this place but a few in particular stick out to me. No particular order to these, I'm just reminiscing as I write this.
I once had to help a man who couldn't find the start button on his computer. When I eventually guided him to allowing me to remote into his computer via Team Viewer, I found he was using Windows XP. I'm not kidding.
I once had to sit on the phone with a man selling Plexus Easy Weight Loss (snake oil, pyramid scheme, but he was a client) and have him yell at me about not getting him more business, simply because we'd built his website. No, I'D not built his website, but his website was fine and it wasn't our job to get him more business. Oh yeah, this is the same guy who said that he didn't want the social media marketing package because he "had people to hide from." Christ.
We had another client who was a conspiracy theorist and wanted the social media marketing package for his blog, all about United States conspiracies. Real nut case. But the best client I've ever had because sometimes he'd come into the office and take up my time talking at me about how Fukushima was the next 911 and that soon it'll spill into the US water supply and everybody was going to die. Hell, better than being on the phone! Doing his social media was great because he wanted me to post clearly fake news stories to his twitter and facebook for him, and I got to look at and manage all the comments calling him out on his bullshit. It was kinda fun. After all, it wasn't _me_ that believed all this. It felt like I was trolling.
[wk29] I was the social media and support techie, not a salesperson. But sometimes I was put in charge _alone_ in front of clients for status meetings about their social media. This one time we had a client who was a custom fashion-type person. I don't really remember. But I was told directly to make them a _new_ facebook page and post to it every day with their hot new deals and stuff. MONTHS pass since I do that and they come in for a face-to-face meeting. Boss is out doing... boss things and that means I have to sit in with her, and for some fucking reason she brought her boyfriend AND HER DAD. Who were both clearly very very angry with me, the company, and probably life. They didn't ever say anything at first, they didn't greet me, they were both just there like British royal guards. It was weird as fuck. I start showing them the page, the progress on their likes goals, etc etc. Marketing shit. They say, "huh, we didn't see any of these posts at home." Turns out they already had a Facebook page, I was working on a completely seperate one, and then the boyfriend finally chimes in with the biggest fucking scowl, "what are you going to do about this?" He was sort of justified, considering this was a payed and semi-expensive service we offered, but holy shit the amount of fire in all three of them. Anyway, it came down to me figuring out how to merge facebook pages, but they eventually left as clients. Is this my fuck up? Is it my company's? Is it theirs? I don't know but that was probably the most awkward meeting ever. Don't know if it comes across through text but the anxiety was pretty real. Fuck.
tl;dr Tech support jobs are a really fun and exciting entry level position I recommend everybody apply for if they're starting out in the tech world! You'll meet tons of cool people and every day is like a new adventure.2 -
SeniorDev: “OMFG..MalwareBytes is taking up almost 50% of my CPU!”
Me: “Didn’t you have a virus on your machine couple of days ago?”
SeniorDev: “Uh..yea..but it was cleaned up.”
Me: “Your OS might have been compromised. If your antivirus is still busy doing something, then it may be time to start over with a fresh re-install.”
SeniorDev: “No, that’s not it. This is just BS our Network admins don’t want to fix because I’m not a VP”
Me: “I’m pretty sure they don’t care.”
-in as much of a ‘I’m kidding’ tone as I could -
Me: “They would care more if you stopped going to inappropriate web sites on the company computer.”
SeniorDev: “I never go to those sites. It was a link to a charity web site my wife sent me. You know how those sites are. They are built by college kids, so they have no security and was hijacked. That’s how I got the virus.”
Me: “You actually said that to Jim and he believed it?”
SeniorDev: “Well ...yea because….oh …–bleep- you.”
"Jim" sits about 50 feet away, popped his head over the cube wall and smiled. It was awesome. -
I love when people post a piece of their code here and got ranted for bad practices then posts "haha i was kidding, i would never do this" on the comment section.
I mean, we can learn here to, you're not suposed to be right 100% of the time, stop been so arrogant :/
2 -
So now I have to pay taxes because I'm employed. Fair enough, sounds reasonable.
Go to the government's diseased scrotum of a webapp to tramit some ID stuff and shit. All good. Then I go to the bank, so I can open an account, so that I can receive the money, so that I can pay the government.
What happens? The guy at the bank tells me he can't access my ID, so he can't open my account. Understandable. I go once again to the gonorrhea infected maggotsoup that is the government's mother fucking webapp. THEY BLOCKED MY ID.
Problem? I had to attach images of some documentation, they say the images are illegible. I try again with a clearer image, ten fucking times the resoulution.
Is that good enough? NOOOOOOOOOO0=00=======0===000 oo O O OO O O, I am the government, my sole purpose in life is to be a dick in your asshole.
So what do I do? I, calmly, grab the documentation, go to the nearest office, and politely explain the situation to the dude behind the counter. Surely, he can verify himself that my papers are in order, no?
NO. HE CANNOT.
IT CAN ONLY BE DONE THROUGH THE APP.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
WE ARE DOOMED AS A SPECIES.
LISTEN TO ME, DEAR GOVERNMENT.
AND DEAR TAXMEN.
AND ASSOCIATED BUREAUCRATS.
PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.
IF YOU DON'T UNBLOCK MY ID, I CANNOT OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT.
IF I DO NOT HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT, I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY.
IF I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY, THEN I CANNOT PAY **YOU**.
SEE HOW THAT WORKS?
ITS OK.
JUST SUSPEND THE PAYMENT I OWE.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT'S DUE IN A FEW DAYS??
OH RIGHT!
YOU'RE STILL ASKING ME FOR THAT MONEY.
SILLY ME.
I THOUGHT I MAY BE EXEMPT.
SINCE YOU YOURSELF HAVE FORBIDDEN ME FROM PAYING.
ARRHGHHGGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!
YOU IRREDEEMABLY STUPID FUCK.15 -
Is obsidian a fucking joke?
Seriously, is it a joke? Why would you ever care so much about indexing literally everything, if the entire thing crashes and/or takes >5min to LITERALLY just open the fucking directory and/or (so help you) if that directory is full of projects/repos or whatever the fuck and the total size of said directory is like >5GB.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU INDEX EVERYTHING? -- "Ohh obsidian's not supposed to be used a fully fledged IDE, ohh obsidian should just handle MD files and normal sized projects, ohh the plugins and ease-of-use" -- Fuck.
There's no fucking real reason to index everything, BY DEFAULT. You open a directory with Obsidian? Doesn't matter, it's 1 byte, it's 100GB, you get indexed. Deal with it. It will use LITERALLY every resource your computer has. I'm surprised it doesn't go galaxy brain and ping if any other computers/devices are on the network and then attempt to connect and use their hardware (obsidian can be like a node!).
How shit can you be at understanding basic data structures and algorithms, where you just revert to based google-chrome brain and let the FUCKING TEXT EDITOR -- OBSIDIAN IS A FUCKING TEXT EDITOR HOLY SHIT -- hog all conceivable memory.
I swear to <some-deity> if anyone fucking says "Ohhhhhhhh actually, it's not a text editor, it has plugins and features and shit, it does all dis cool stff", OR, "Ohhhhh actually, obsidian indexes things for a very specific/rationale/apt/pragmatic/academic reason" OR "ohhhh, I have 100 iphones, 1000 ipads and a trillion desktop computers that each have 256GB of memory, why you hating on obsidian?" then go kick rocks. The fucking lot of you. Are you fucking kidding me.8 -
*Breathes in and out*
WHO THE FUCKING FUCK MESSED WITH THE WLAN ON THE PI?!
WHY THE FLYING FUCK DOESNT wlan0 WORK WITH THE NEW STRETCH IMAGE?!
WHO THE FUCK PROGRAMMED
THIS SHIT OF AN IMAGE?!
EVEN THE SHUTDOWN ISNT WORKING PROPERLY!
I FUCKING LOVED THE OLD JESSIE ONE! OK!!
*Begins to smash head to table*
WHY THE FUUUUCK DOESNT THIS WORK!
PLEASE! FFS IT JUST WONT CONNECT!
*Head begins to bleed*
FUCK!!!
*Stops smashing head*
*Tried once again*
Huh, it takes Longer now...
Error...
FUCKING FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
I HAD SO HIGH HOPES FOR THIS SHIT TO WORK! PLEASE RELIEVE ME OF THIS FUCKING BAD DREAM!
*Takes a Deep breath once again*
Shutdown -i
Error, another user is connected.
THIS CANT FUCKING BE! IM THE ONLY FUCKING USER ON THIS WIFI AND PI!
THIS SHIT MUST BE KIDDING ME!
AND NOW IT WONT SHUT DOWN!
*Realizes that I ran out of fucks to give*
OK...
IM NOT ONLY PULLING THE PLUG NOW, I WILL BE PULLING THE GODDAM FUSE OF MY ROOM!!
EVEN MY DUCKY DIDNT HELP ME!
THIS IS USELESS!
FUCK.
btw, there should be Raspberry Pi Capes.9 -
Been working with Git every day for the last 3 years and never had a problem with it.
Enters Windows.Stash changes, tries a simple stash apply:
error: cannot stat *file_name*: Permission denied
Please tell me you are fucking kidding me.. I did not just fucking lose all that work..
:q life5 -
I've never used Windows in my day-to-day life. No kidding.
When I got my father's first computer, I used an old distribution called BBC Linux. I didn't have any computer knowledge, it was my first contact with a computer, so I went to a friend's house and asked for a CD to install on my computer. I don't know if this friend ended up making a "gotcha" and thought I'd give up, but I just read the manuals and fell in love. That was year 2000.
Then I used Conectiva Linux, then I went to Red Hat 9, then Slackware, then in 2007 I started using Solaris. And I stayed on Solaris (Solaris 10, Solaris Nevada and OpenSolaris) until 2011.
In 2011 I bought a Mac. I stayed at Apple until 2020, when I couldn't stand Apple forcing me to buy new computers (I still don't understand how a 2011 iMac, i5 (4 Hyper Thread cores) with 16GB of RAM, 1TB SSD only runs up to High Sierra).
Then I bought a Dell. It came with Windows 10, the first thing I did was install WSL2. I could not stand it, the system is bad, sorry. I installed OpenSuse and have been using it for two years.
It's just that every day someone tells me "how can you use this"? "There is no alternative to Windows, do you want to be different?"
I know that my story was the reverse of the "mainstream", so I'm going to talk about my vision of Windows, that in my brain it is actually the "alternative".
- Having a file explorer without "tabs" in 2022 is unthinkable for me.
- I love terminal. And the Windows terminal is very limited. "ps ... | awk ... | xargs ..." is a must for me. "find ./ -name '...' -exec ..."... these things on Windows are totally "different" and have the "powershell way" while all other operating systems keep the same form. And cygwin is not an option. As Wine for serious work is also not.
- Dragging a file into the terminal, and having it write its path, is so natural, that when Windows didn't do it, I was dismayed.
- I've always used StarOffice, OpenOffice and now LibreOffice. All the people in my story received my documents and reports as a PDF and no one complained. Until a coworker saw me editing in LibreOffice and said "oh I want it in word format". As long as he didn't know, everything was fine, right?
- Windows is paid. And is there advertising? I don't understand. And I refuse. If you want to display advertising, then excuse me. I have no problem paying, I'm not an opensource shiite. It's just that paying and not working bothers me much more than an opensource that I can fix or expect a fix knowing the good will of the people involved.
- Hyper-V is a joke. QEMU/KVM is better, and Bhyve on FreeBSD which is a very young project, is already a million times better than Hyper-V.
- Developing in C/C++ for Windows is only possible in two ways: Either you've always lived in Windows and your brain is conditioned, or you compile with MSYS2 (CLang or GCC).
- There is no significant evolution of the windows desktop since 95.
- Multiple workspace support with multiple monitors, not ready. It's another joke.
- REGEDIT does not need any comment.
- The system loses performance over time. I still don't know how Windows achieves this.
- I've seen people complain about desktop fragmentation on Unix and Linux. Many DEs end up leaving applications with different themes (like running a Qt application in Gnome and GTK in KDE), but to be quite honest, the lack of Windows standard bothered me much more. Even Microsoft's own software is completely different: Control Panel, Calculator, Paint and Office, To-Do, and Settings, have horrible style differences and look-and-feel fragmentation.
- Dark mode has not been implemented. It's another joke. Many applications are white while everything else is dark. Sorry, even on Linux which is a mess, this has been resolved. And well resolved.
- NTFS? Serious?
- C:, D:.. It doesn't convince me since DOS.
- Bloatware.
- News "biased" in the search bar is a lack of respect for those who use the computer to work.
And that. For me, Windows is the alternative operating system. I can't take Windows seriously, for me it's an experimental one like Haiku or ReactOS. It's good to play.
About market share, it doesn't convince me to use it. But convinces me to sell. I've always developed applications to run on Windows. And when I need it, I turn on a VM to compile the project. But in everyday life? Impractical.15 -
Tl;dr stupid password requirements
Begin quote
Password must not contain any non-alphanumeric characters.
Your Password change was not accepted. Enter your current Password correctly following the rules for New Passwords. Please try again.
Passwords must be between 8 and 12 characters in length and MUST contain each of the following:
At least 1 lower case character (a-z)
At least 1 upper case character (A-Z)
At least 1 numeric digit (0-9)
But, MUST NOT contain:
more than five repeating characters in a row (e.g. 111111356 would not be valid, but 112233445 would be valid)
spaces or other special characters
NOTE: Your new password cannot be the same as any of your 10 previous passwords.
End quote
Are you fucking kidding me? Only (26+26+10)^8 through
(26+26+10)^12 different passwords to go through? It's like the oxygen wasters that built this website give zero fucks about security.
Why? This is the site that manages money and investments. Just allow passwords up to 64 characters, allow any ascii character and just fucking encod the characters to prevent any Injunction.4 -
Being sick absolutely deleted what bullshit I can tolerate
- Searching through feed of jobs
- See 999$ Job with description "*platform* forced me to put a budget, but it's not fixed, tell me your quote and what's fair"
- Quote X$ with Y$ interview cost
- Get a message, write and then get the budget "I got offered 10$, 40$, .. if you can do it for 75$ it's a deal!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, THAT'S WHAT THE FUCKING BUDGET IS FOR, WHY PUT 999 IF YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SPEND MORE THAN 75 WTF?3 -
PRIVATE - This is private, nothing here. seriously, there is nothing here. Do not click; I'm not kidding. Definitely no... [read more]3
-
Step 1: Download archlinux.iso
Step 2: realise your worthlessness
Step 3: Newborn awe for arch users.
Step 4: Ubuntu????
Just kidding though. Not giving up till system breaks atleast 7 times..😑7 -
Well I'm a first year student in computer science and in the first semester we started to learn C language and the IDE they told us to use for better learning was Devcpp.
We made a few small projects and all went well, but now in the second semester we started to make bigger projects with linked lists and memory allocation and Devcpp starts to be a complete bug itself... We are working hard in the project and after saving the project with no errors at all, at the next day, Devcpp starts to make any function we made invalid...
So we spoke to the same teacher about this and asked what can we do about it....
"Are you using Devcpp? You shouldn't, it is not that good for C"...
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?14 -
I hate JS...
I hate CSS...
What can be worse ? ...
*guy at work* : hey what do you think about CSS in JS, should we try it for our codebase ?
*other* : yeah why not ?
Me : *make a gun with my fingers, gently putting it in my mouth, remember all good things in life, no regrets* *gun noise*
Kidding, I love javascript.
But I seriously hate CSS and UX stuff.
2 -
[wordpress trigger warning]
Had an idiotic colleague who re-implemented the insert image function as a shortcode. A “senior php developer”. No, I’m not kidding.
Him: “But this way we can set a class”
Me: “As you can with the standard mode”
Him “No you can’t”
Me: *shows*
Him (smiling): “well why don’t you remove my stuff then?”7 -
So I just decided I'd hotspot my phone to my laptop (as I have no WiFi) and stream a film I've wanted to watch for a while.
Turns out my shite ass mobile provider wants credit card details to prove I'm over 18.
I'm sorry, what?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU NOSY OVER CONTROLLING SHIT STAINS! THAT IS A PARENT'S JOB, NOT YOURS.
fucking hell. What is wrong with this fucking race?
Oh, and I can't torrent it because that's blocked too.7 -
That moment you receive an email: your CI build is failing.
Ok. What went wrong?
Three new commits that do not seem to alter anything related to the failure.
*reverts commits and tries again*
Still failing.
WTF?!
*restarts previous builds*
They now fail too.
FUCK! BASTARD! Are you kidding me?
*investigates*
Turns out that repo of dependency changed and is not compatible anymore.
Argh! Son of bitch! -
Who am I?
Some of you, because of the hyperbolic, outrageous, trollish, and often self-satirical nature of my posts, might doubt me. Thats completely relatable.
Heres the truth:
I was diagnosed in childhood with ADHD, fucking everyone, every male, these days is diagnosed with that. I was diagnosed bipolar. Hell anyone reading my posts could see that from a mile away. I was diagnosed on the borderline personality spectrum. Yeah, I could see that.
I was tested. They said I was in the 98th percentile for clerical ability, not extraordinary but pretty good, mathematical ability a little higher than that. My SAT was 1491. Not yale material, but I coulda been someone.
Over the years I studied a LOT of politics and read a metric fuckton of books. (40+ books over the course of three years).
I predicted every single presidential election since bush juniors second election. Three supreme court picks. Senatorial elections. Congresional elections. More than that.
I have a better analysis track record than some of the multidecade analysts sitting in the fucking NSA.
No I am not shitting you. No I am not exaggerating.
It's about the only claim to fame I get to legitimately make.
People ask me, "then why aren't you famous?"
How do you know I'm not.
Look I'm gonna tell you my actual name.
My real name is Lawrence B. Lindsey
Okay, I'm bullshitting for fun. But words I have written on alt twitter accounts have legitimately come out of presidential hopeful's mouths. No, this I am *not* bullshitting you about.
Imagine that. A guy who lived in his parents attic for five years, writing words that came out of presidential candidates mouths.
At one time I was about as popular and influential as that fuckboy catturd.
yes, really. No I am not fucking joking.
Under normal conditions I wouldn't talk about this or reveal it, because who the fuck cares? I'm just some dude on the internet, drunk, both on alcohol, and the pseudo-anonymous equivalent of bragging rights.
You know how many women I turned down because I could? You know how fucking drunk I am? They say a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Well, I'm not usually honest like this because the internet is full of false braggarts, and you tell people the truth and they don't fucking believe you.
I swear, it seems like I made some faustian bargain at some time, and can achieve no fame or lasting wealth in my life--to save my life.
Shit, I was talking to a chinese women who ran a bank in china (yes, really), who advised me to buy into bitcoin early on. Didn't have the money to. Woulda been a fucking millionaire if I did.
*Non-obvious* Ideas that major corporations are now persuing? Yeah those were sitting in my card index since the early 2000s.
I helped two people build and sell businesses. One for me tens of thousands. Another for millions. Yes, really. Got zero, and I mean, *zero* credit for it.
Point is, doesn't matter how famous you are, or coulda been, Doesn't matter the ideas you have, or had.
The world doesn't promote runners-up, or hasbeens, or wannabes, or could-bes.
What matters is execution.
If you're wandering through life, wondering when you're lucky break will be, stop. You have to realize, you make your own luck. Recognize the difference between what you can control, and what you can, and work on promoting your own ideas or business or values, instead of other people's dreams.
And for those wondering, yes I am drunk, and no, I ain't fucking kidding you in anything I wrote here.
The most important lesson I learned is this:
First work on your own success, before you work on the success of others.
p.s.
I give surprisingly good advice for someone who doesn't benchmark well on traditional measures of success. I know, even I was shocked when I looked at the statistics.33 -
Fuck the NBN - you aussies will know!
So apparently Fixed IPs are not a thing for HFC connections unless you have a business account.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Although I didn’t pay for a fixed ip on adsl and it states it’s “dynamic”, mind you it hasn’t changed in 6 years... so it may aswell be fixed right? Right?
Now I have to go explore DDNS with Cloudflare, looks like a api call on ip change will do the trick but urgh.
Ps: I finally.... made it to the nbn - well that’s next week...
only 3 years overdue since my first “NBN ready” letter 😂2 -
!dev
I'm so goddamm fucking tired of this fucking shitty ed sheeran fucking.
Fuck ed sheeran, fuck this bland predictible squared music.
I mean, not him, the music.
Jesus fucking christ, every fucking uber I take this shit ass song is playing.
I heard this song like 50 times already, I'm not even fucking kidding.
This is the musical equivalent of being a passive smoker.10 -
This guy told me that I was unprofessional because I called him reckless.
He thought that reckless is unprofessional word?!
Are you fucking kidding me?! 🤬
I was just pointing out his recklessness of wanting to delete files in our shared platform without permission from the owners.
These files may be important and he only gave us 1h to back it up. He's the one being unprofessional.🤪
Anyhow, this is not the first time I have had a fight with him, and certainly won't be the last.7 -
TL;DR - the doctor is a lazy cunt and I hope he steps on a lego.
We’ve got a user authentication portal for all the users in our network. Well, we have it set to where you can only have two active log ins on two different machines, anything else will give the error message “you need to log out elsewhere” or whatever it is...
This god damn doctor has been told to log out several times and still calls us to ask why it’s “not working”.
I just received a call because the lazy cock sucker didn’t want to walk from the clinic to the hospital to sign out, are you fucking kidding me you lazy fucking ass hole? It’s not my job to be your mother fucking slave dude, get the fuck up and do it yourself!
I’ll take a lot of shit from anyone but when you refuse to retain the information to preform your job and want someone else to do it because you’re too fucking lazy, that’s when we’ve got problems.
I hope you step on a fucking LEGO.
I’m heavily medicated so if this doesn’t make sense I... don’t care. -
Oh my God. Did any of you catch Sundar from Google being grilled by Congress yesterday?
It is so embarrassing watching congressman who think they know technology ask questions did somebody who actually is technically proficient. you would think they would have hired somebody at least to educate them first before looking like an ass on TV.
It look like I asked my janitor to interview our next developer.
So funny though over his left shoulder there's a guy that looks like Sir topham hatt from Monopoly. Hahahahahahh not kidding black top hat and big white mustache.1 -
Hey guys it's not a rant, but i feel this place might help...
I am a 20 yr old, second year guy ...have got some experience in core Java and after that, i have been doing android for 8months... Yeah , i coded some basic apps got my hands dirty on firebase, sql libraries and some connectivity...
Even got landed in an internship.
Today i feel myself to be an intermediate android dev , nd i know their are many things that can be learnt in android that i don't know..
But what after that?development as a carrier interests me, but i fear for a job security ... I could learn more of Android,maybe learn ios after that but their are always articles coming out that react is future, webapps will replace android and stuff like that...
I Have also heard stuff like companies today want to squeeze more out of their techs, so they want less and complete developers having experience in both web and mobile app designing and other stuff like that
Are you freakin kidding me? Android and ios alone are like drinking Pacific and indian ocean and to add web developing, its like drinking out every drop of ocean in the world.
I guess their are guys which exist with knowledge of all three, maybe I can cover them all too(someday) but that would take my whole clg life of 4 years..(I guess)
And no ,I don't have problems with that too.. I actually like developing but again i hear big words like cloud computing, AR,VR AI, data sciences, automation, graphics designing, game dev, and many more...
Basically i hear too much and i fear too much 😅 and i don't think closing my ears would be a good choice...
So, which ocean of carrier should i aim to go for?nd are my fears real? Do companies really prefer some web guy designing Amazon like apps over android-only guys like me?is automation nd templates really gonna take all we, developers jobs?should i look into ai/data sciences?
Well , i am a simple guy, who got his first pc at 17 so naturally, i am fascinated even by the working of a calculator app and anything relates to tech so am open to pursue my interests in any fields23 -
Yesterday some students came for work experience and I was nominated to be the tour / questions and answers guy. So I showed him my desk and spoke to my co-worker about what he does. He was a dev as well.
Midway through he asked how we deal with problems in development. I said "Go on Stack Overflow" He laughed it off but I wasn't kidding.
TLDR: Stack overflow is not a joke.4 -
Not dev, but IT...
Just found out that one section of my place of work still uses floppy disks. No I’m not fucking kidding. The other sad part? We still have the outdated computers to read them. 😩😂
Please, send help or a job application...5 -
I really think there should be a subject in every CS course to teach us how to handle/work-under Grade-A assholes and dumbfucks. Not that it would help, but atleast warn us on what we are getting into.
In my opinion, development is not *that* hard or frustrating but is made so by these shitty people. But again, what do I know.
I was scolded by my boss for using for-loop to iterate through an array recently. Apparently for-loop is not used in real world projects and this iteration should be done "in-memory". My colleagues and I are still trying to understand and process that.
I was asked to add fitbit integration to a project within 2 hours just because I had "already done it a week ago" in *another* project. Luckily, it was then given to a "senior" developer who took 4 days for it and essentially copy-pasted my work without much changes, ofcourse it stopped working every now and then.
I am given unreal deadlines on my tasks, on technologies I haven't worked on before, and then expected to churn out production ready code with no bugs in them.
My boss literally just sends me the links of 1st three google results on the problems I encounter and report, after humiliating me ofcourse. Yes, I did google it and yes I went through all I could find from Google forums to GitHub issues. When the library/plugin author himself says that this feature is not yet available, don't expect me to develop it in 2 hours you dumbfuck.
And for the love of God, please stop changing the data model every single day and justify it with agile development. Think before making any changes to it. Ever heard of Join queries? Foreign keys? Or any other basic database concepts.
We reached a point where each branch in the repo had different data model. Not kidding. And we were a team of just 4 developers. Atleast inform us when you change models after discussing it with your shit for knowledge "senior" developer, so we don't have to redo it all over again. The channels on slack are not for sharing random articles only.
I am just waiting to complete my year here.
I should have known what I got myself into the day he asked me to remove the comments I had added to explain what my code does. Why you ask? Because "we don't write comments". -
Not Speaking The Same Programming Language
(It is the mid 80s, and I have a coworker come to me with two full pages of computer programming source code.)
Coworker: “Hey, can you help me with this? This function is not working right.”
Me: “Sure. What’s it do?”
Coworker: “Well, on the first line I copy…” *drones on for a few seconds about stuff I can clearly read*
Me: “Wait! Let me interrupt for a moment. I can read the code. In 20 words or less, what does this do?“
Coworker: *long pause that tells me he’s having trouble seeing the forest for the trees* “It, um, converts a date that’s a string to three integers: month, day, and year.”
Me: “Ah! Excellent. And by the time you get the string, has it been sanitized? You know, guaranteed to be pairs of digits with a slash in-between, not blanks or words or other garbage?”
Coworker: “Oh, yeah, all the user input is cleaned up.”
Me: “Okay, good.”
(I scribble “sscanf(text, “%02d/%02d/%02d”, &month, &day, &year);” in a blank spot on the page.)
Me: “Throw out everything and replace it with that.”
Coworker: “You’re kidding.”
Me: “Not at all. Use that. It’ll work. Trust me.”
Coworker: *not sure* “Well, okay.”
(Half an hour later he’s back and looking a bit sheepish.)
Coworker: “That worked. Thanks.”
Me: “No problem.”
(It’s been 30 years. Unfortunately, the new generation of programmers is in the same spot.)
https://notalwaysright.com/not-spea...2 -
Ahh boy, uni sure is fun...
I missed my comp-sci class last week when we got a project assigned. No big deal, right? We have an online student portal where teachers can post assignments for everyone to see. I'm sure it's in there.
It's not.
Okay. How about the syllabus? Professors are supposed to create a weekly schedule for students to follow, it's probably in there, right?
Nope. Nothing.
Alright... I guess I'll email him. At this point about two classes have passed and I haven't heard anything in class, so I fire off a quick email to the professor asking for the details to be posted to the web portal so I at least have some idea of what I'm doing.
Surprise surprise, I get a response in about an hour.
"I'm not posting anything online. You should have been in class. Talk to a classmate."
*sigh*
So, from what I can gather from my classmates, we have to design a game using python. It might be a quiz, maybe. We have a week.
Are you fucking kidding me? Is it really that hard to take 20 minutes to type up a few requirements so your students at least know what you're grading for? I barely have any idea of what you even want, and from the three people I talked to it wasn't very clear even when he explained it in class. Post your assignments online, asshole!7 -
*get task assigned to me*
*complete task*
*get new task changing everything I did in the previous task*
Me: "Why is this getting completely changed? It meets the specs you sent."
PM: "Well, they took a while to approve the concept so I assumed it would be the same as the one on their current site. But now they want something different. Just change it."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THE POINT OF SENDING FOR APPROVAL IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR THE APPROVAL?!2 -
My colleague sends me an email saying “here’s a check not being performed which causes a bug can you fix this and push to production”
With a screenshot of the code and place it needs to happen underlined
ARE YOU kIDDING ME OH MY GOD
He doesn’t have time to write 10 characters but he has the time to make this work of art of an email and send it to me
4 -
I'll give you a few reasons to walk away from a dev's chair:
1. if you want your life to be simple and not challenging, if you just want to go with the flow - choose something else. Dev's life will definitely bring some challenges to your day (and sometimes night, and sometimes - your weekends). Especially if you feel you are a perfectionist, dev life could turn your life into a living hell if not handled with care.
2. If you like to see people smiling, if you love that feeling when you help someone and that someone has a better day thanks to you - choose something else. 1st line SD would probably do, but the further from technology you go - the more smiles (and human faces overall) you'll see.
3. If you prefer person-to-person interaction over to talking to machines - definitely don't be a dev. Go to management, administration or smth else, but development. >90% of the human interaction in this field is arguments and conflicts; ~8% are requests for assistance, and the remaining 2% are shared by saying "hi" to the office administrator and your (semi|)annual reviews with your manager. Not kidding.
4. If you have a personality where you find it difficult to stand your ground and not budge to the pressure/blame game/your managers asking you to stay in late. Like it or not, it happens quite often. Many devs have spoiled the management by budging to their requests/demands to stay for OT/unpaid OT to "fix the mess they have made". That's a blame game right there. And these people stay in and do what the slaves do - work for free because they are yelled at. And then management sees this technique work and (ab|)uses it on other devs. If you can say NO and stick to it, prolly wave with some printed paragraphs of labour law in front that manager's nose - it won't be a problem. But if your consciousness is too troubling - stay away from this field of engineering.
5. If you want to easily "disconnect" from work and go do something else - dev's career might be a problem. Yes, your computer might be shut down/hibernated/suspended after 5pm until 9m the next morning, but your brain will most likely keep trying to solve the problems you were facing. You'll prolly use your own computer to do some research, check some forums, docs, etc. - this is all your free time, this is all your family time donated to your manager (and to your personal knowledge base). Not to mention, all these things you learn will soon enough become obsolete, as new technologies will replace them. So if you'd like to easily "disconnect" after 5pm, doing that as a dev might be too challenging.1 -
Why is the interviewing process becoming worse over the years?
About 2 years ago I applied for a company and got into 2 interviews: one with the hr to see if I am bsing them and one with the tech people, to be sure I am not using buzzwords without context. Pretty straightforward, could be done in a single interview IMHO, but it's making me waste max 2 weeks.
Fast forward to one year ago: 1 interview with the hr, 1 interview with the tech people, 1 interview with CEO (why? Just.. why?)
Fast forward to today: 1 interview with hr, 1 interview with tech people, 1 interview with the CEO (again... why?), 1 coding assignment which "it's only going to take a couple of hours" and punctually has either poorly documented APIs to rely on or has trick questions/points. So "it takes a couple of hours", but if you want to pass it you need to spend a day on it... (and let's add that they may be using old docker versions so if it doesn't work cause they are using docker 1.0 and it fails too bad, you lost time for nothing, we are not trying to solve it, you just don't pass!).
Not kidding the last assignment I took and dropped required: external API, testing, don't use CSS libraries and make your own CSS, you must use TS and it was supposed to take "3 hours max".
My question is: why? Why is the interviewing process slowly becoming less of a: "I understand that your code may not be perfect for us but that you are a human being able to reason and adapt your code to our standards" and more of a: "You must do everything PERFECTLY and we don't give a sh*t about your time, start giving us your free time and then we see if we want you."
I just keep giving up after I analyze the assignments, cause a part of my brain thinks that if this is the way a professional relationship starts it's too easy to foresee weekend shifts and lots of overtime cause some manager thinks that "come on, it just takes a couple of hours!"10 -
Found this gem today (and there is not anything else defined as "any") WTF are you kidding me? Some people should not be allowed to program
2 -
I don't mind Apple marketing themselves as these revolutionary thinkers and innovators, because I figured most people see behind the marketing but appreciate Apple for what it is. It's a big company that makes well built products, that are efficient and give good support to those products.
But I'm sick to death of tech journalists talking about how every new feature is the death of Android. They have to be kidding themselves if they think what Apple's doing is innovating. Samsung's been designing screens for the bezelless market for a LONG time, and their technology in that is incredibly advanced (it's why if you use their iPhone x you'll be looking at a screen from Samsung!)
They finally adopted wireless charging and pretended it was brand new, but I remember when they came out with the Apple watch, marketing it like they'd broken ground when Android Wear watches had been out for a year!
I don't want people to think I hate Apple, I own a few of their products. I think they're remarkably invested in user privacy; homekit imo is one of the most forward thinking implementations of smart home technology that I've seen, and the new processor in the iPhone x is a Mammoth powerhouse. So, I'm not necessarily saying anything about that, but what I am saying is that they're iñcredible at marketing, but fanboys but are not self-aware can enough to recognize when the Designed-by-Apple hype over shadows the actual objectivity or the situation. There are articles already talking about Apple's wireless charging.
TL;DR I swear to god if an apple fanboy comes at me saying the bezelless design was Apple's innovation, I'm going to snap. I appreciate what Apple does well, but unfortunately people can't appreciate a product without needing to identify with it.6 -
Can I have a big applause for this recruitment agency that baffled me in a good way?
No I'm not kidding! Their employers are actually not total fuckwits at all, as opposed to ALL previous recruiters I've had the nauseating displeasure of meeting.
They really found me 3 perfectly fitting jobs! (and I'm known to be picky)4 -
New manager was hired in another department but he sits close to me.
After a couple of weeks he complimented how it always seemed like I was there at work.
I just said thanks. But what I wanted to say was...
"Yeah no kidding fucktard, you get here after 8am, leave before 3pm, and you some how are impressed that not only does my normal 8 hour shift completely overlap the time you are here, but I also regularly put in 9 hour days which is pretty normal for people around here.”6 -
Fuck this shitty C ecosystem! Multible compilers, one standard complying, one hacked toghether? Only one GPL poisoned standart library, with no real chance of switching it, which prevents me of making staticly linked programs? And then there is microsofts compiler, with fucking ANSI support. Thanks. No dependency handling. Concurrency? pthreads. Are you fucking kidding. JSON? Have fun finding something static. Compile times where you can read entire books. Segfaults without one helpful info, so you have to debug with prints. And every library, every tool, installer, compiler, stdlib, anything is poisoned by GPL. But hey, its fast. And efficient. After you spend many slow and inefficient months developing something. I am so done with this shit.
Well.
Tommorow i will continue working with C on my backup project.
Did i mention that the stdlib has no features? Not even threading? Which is IN THE STANDARD?8 -
My God is map development insane. I had no idea.
For starters did you know there are a hundred different satellite map providers?
Just kidding, it's more than that.
Second there appears to be tens of thousands of people whos *entire* job is either analyzing map data, or making maps.
Hell this must be some people's whole *existence*. I am humbled.
I just got done grabbing basic land cover data for a neoscav style game spanning the u.s., when I came across the MRLC land cover data set.
One file was 17GB in size.
Worked out to 1px = 30 meters in their data set. I just need it at a one mile resolution, so I need it in 54px chunks, which I'll have to average, or find medians on, or do some sort of reduction.
Ecoregions.appspot.com actually has a pretty good data set but that's still manual. I ran it through gale and theres actually imperceptible thin line borders that share a separate *shade* of their region colors with the region itself, so I ran it through a mosaic effect, to remove the vast bulk of extraneous border colors, but I'll still have to hand remove the oceans if I go with image sources.
It's not that I havent done things involved like that before, naturally I'm insane. It's just involved.
The reason for editing out the oceans is because the oceans contain a metric boatload of shades of blue.
If I'm converting pixels to tiles, I have to break it down to one color per tile.
With the oceans, the boundary between the ocean and shore (not to mention depth information on the continental shelf) ends up sharing colors when I do a palette reduction, so that's a no-go. Of course I could build the palette bu hand, from sampling the map, and then just measure the distance of each sampled rgb color to that of every color in the palette, to see what color it primarily belongs to, but as it stands ecoregions coloring of the regions has some of them *really close* in rgb value as it is.
Now what I also could do is write a script to parse the shape files, construct polygons in sdl or love2d, and save it to a surface with simplified colors, and output that to bmp.
It's perfectly doable, but technically I'm on savings and supposed to be calling companies right now to see if I can get hired instead of being a bum :P19 -
So I work for a store that sells audio and video equipment. My boss asked me to find old stock that is in our system but not on our site.
We have an event at one of our stores in a week. I made a simple quiz - where people can fill out there email and win... something.
So going through the old stock we found something random, and my boss had the "great" idea to use that as the price for the quiz.
Guess what it is...
nah you won't
ITS A FUCKING TEAPOT.... I AM NOT KIDDING YOU - our audio video store is giving away a teapot as a price!?!?2 -
It’s late, and stupid RSpec has decided to only mock calls to a particular method in some specs but not in others.
`allow(object).to receive(:method).with(resource_arg).and_return(“some\ntext”)`
Works in a few specs, but not the rest. Why? Who the fuck knows. Probably some shared state between specs that isn’t supposed to happen.
HAHA JUST KIDDING
After refactoring my specs to use unique ‘resource’ names for each call because I’ve had shared state issues before.
and after refactoring my model code to remove a lot of now-unused dependency injection (because maybe it was mocking a different object than got passed in?)
Guess what?
When creating my mock objects, I forgot to link them together. That’s it. A 14-character change. And suddenly they all pass.
Asdjklfajg.
Time for bed.3 -
In today's episode of kidding on SystemD, we have a surprise guest star appearance - Apache Foundation HTTPD server, or as we in the Debian ecosystem call it, the Apache webserver!
So, imagine a situation like this - Its friday afternoon, you have just migrated a bunch of web domains under a new, up to date, system. Everything works just fine, until... You try to generate SSL certificates from Lets Encrypt.
Such a mundane task, done more than a thousand times already... Yet... No matter what you do, nothing works. Apache just returns a HTTP status code 403 - Forbidden.
Of course, what many folk would think of first when it came to a 403 error is - Ooooh, a permission issue somewhere in the directory structure!
So you check it... And re-check it to make sure... And even switch over to the user the webserver runs under, yet... You can access the challenge just fine, what the hell!
So you go deeper... And enable the most verbose level of logging apache is capable of - Trace8. That tells you... Not a whole lot more... Apparently, the webserver was unable to find file specified? But... Its right there, you can see it!
So you go another step deeper and start tracing the process' system calls to see exactly where it calls stat/lstat on the file, and you see that it... Calls lstat and... It... Returns -1? What the hell#2!
So, you compile a custom binary that calls lstat on the first argument given and prints out everything it returns... And... It works fine!
Until now, I chose to omit one important detail that might have given away the issue to the more knowledgeable right away. Our webservers have the URL /.well-known/acme-challenge/, used for ACME challenges, aliased somewhere else on the filesystem - To /tmp/challenges.
See the issue already?
Some *bleep* over at the Debian Package Maintainer group decided that Apache could save very sensitive data into /tmp, so, it would be for the best if they changed something that worked for decades, and enabled a SystemD service unit option "PrivateTmp" for the webserver, by default.
What it does is that, anytime a process started with this option enabled writes to /tmp/*, the call gets hijacked or something, and actually makes the write to a private /tmp/something/tmp/ directory, where something... Appeared as a completely random name, with the "apache2.service" glued at the end.
That was also the only reason why I managed fix this issue - On the umpteenth time of checking the directory structure, I noticed a "systemd-private-foobarbas-apache2.service-cookie42" directory there... That contained nothing but a "tmp" directory with 777 as its permission, owned by the process' user and group.
Overriding that unit file option finally fixed the issue completely.
I have just one question - Why? Why change something that worked for decades? I understand that, in case you save something into /tmp, it may be read by 3rd parties or programs, but I am of the opinion that, if you did that, its only and only your fault if you wrote sensitive data into the temporary directory.
And as far as I am aware, by default, Apache does not actually write anything even remotely sensitive into /tmp, so...
Why. WHY!
I wasted 4 hours of my life debugging this! Only to find out its just another SystemD-enabled "feature" now!
And as much as I love kidding on SystemD, this time, I see it more as a fault of the package maintainers, because... I found no default apache2/httpd service file in the apache repo mirror... So...8 -
Story Time!
Tittle: About Larry.
Fun Game: Tell me if / when in this story you know the plot twist.
Setting: Years ago, non coding job.
I work with Larry a lot, Larry works remote. In technical terms Larry is senior to me and I escalate some technical issues that get assigned to Larry. I've never met Larry in person.
Larry can be hard to work with, but he's plenty good at his job and I don't mind his prickly side. Sometimes it takes telling Larry something a few times before it sinks it, but that's not a big deal. Sometimes it seems like Larry doesn't remember his cases entirely, but he has a lot of cases. Also Larry has good reason for how he works considering the land of scubs who usually escalate to him without any thought / effort.
Larry's escalation team is short staffed and they're trying to hire folks, but that's been like that forever.
So one day I get an email that Larry is going to be out of the office for a few weeks. Nothing unusual there.
My current case that I share with Larry sort of floats in limbo for a while. The customer is kinda slow to respond anyhow and there's nothing that I need Larry for.
Finally I get automated notice that my case has had a new escalation engineer. Laura. Laura is much more positive and happy compared to Larry. Understandably Laura isn't up to date on the case so we go back and forth with some emails and notes in the case.
The case is moving along just fine, we're making progress, but it's slow because of the customer's testing procedures. Then we hit a point where this customer's management pushes on sales for a solution (this customer's management is known for doing this rando like for no reason).
Down the management chain it goes and everyone wants a big conference call to get everyone up to date / discuss next steps (no big deal).
Now I really don't want to do this with Laura and throw her into the deep end with this customer, she doesn't have the background and I'd rather do this call with Larry & Me & Laura. Also according to the original email Larry is due back soon.
I start writing an email to Laura about "Let's try to schedule this for when Larry gets back."
Then I stop ... I don't really know why I stop but when it is a "political case" I want some buy in on next steps from management so I go talk to my manager.
-Plot Twist Incoming-
Long story short, my manager says:
"Laura IS Larry..."
O
M
G
I had no idea. Nobody told me, nobody told ANYBODY, (except a couple managers).
Back up a few months Larry apparently went to his managers and told them he was going to transition, surgery and all, in a few months.
Managers wondering how to address this went to HR and some new hire very young to be a manager HR manager drone logiced out in her bonkers head that "Well it shouldn't matter so don't tell anyone."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!??
Thank god I didn't send that email...
I did send an email to Laura explaining that I had no idea and hoped I didn't say anything stupid. She was very nice about it and said it was all good.
After that incident made the management rounds (management was already fuming about being told not to tell anyone) things came to another critical point.
Laura was going to visit the company HQ. Laura had been there before, as Larry, everyone knew her as Larry... nobody (outside some managers) knew Laura was Larry either. With nobody knowing shit Laura was going to walk in and meet everyone ...
One manager at HQ finally rebelled and held a meeting to tell his people. He didn't want Laura walking in and someone confused, thinking it was a joke or something horrible happening.
HR found out and went ballistic. They were on a rampage about this other manager, they wanted to interview me about how I found out. I told HR to schedule their meeting through my manager (I knew they didn't want my manager to know they were sniffing around).
Finally the VP in our department called up the HR head and asked WTF was going on / kind of idiots they had over there (word has it legal and the CEO were on the call too).
HR had a change in leadership and then a couple weeks later there were department wide meetings on how to handle such situations and etc.27 -
Why don't people respond to emails? Everyone complains that things could be handled in an email instead of having a meeting. Well maybe you should start replying to my simple fucking questions so I don't have to send meeting notices. You always accept the meeting notices but you NEVER reply to emails! What the fuck people? Now I'm arranging a meeting for 15 minutes just to get a simple is yes or no question answered, are you kidding me here? You're part of the problem! You are THE ENTIRE problem!! You know how much of my time I've wasted getting no answers in IMs and emails?! Should I try smoke signals? It's not even a hard question! Will someone be at the site on the day we need them to be?! How hard is that question to answer!? Evidently im-fucking-possible!5
-
1. i'm drunk.
2. please do me a sanity check
3:
this video, at this timestamp, watch the following about 5 minutes or so:
https://youtu.be/oG-6Ltp1_yE?t=1129
4. tell me (and possibly him in comment) if i'm wrong in the (point) of the following comment i wrote under that video:
20:53 ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME YOU ABSOLUTE MORON?!
yes, US has an altitude software written in fuckin VBA with an explicit statement to ignore errors, and there's not about 10x more automated testing code for a critical piece of functionality, than there is of the code that handles the actual functionality, and it's not been tested off-line (in simulated environment) as well as on-line (IRL) for at least years in all conditions, before it was deployed, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON.
CAN YOU JUST PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY STICK TO WHAT YOU ACTUALLY PROPERLY UNDERSTAND?!
HOLY FUCK THE LEVEL OF ARROGANCE IN YOU IN ASSUMING THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW VBA YOU KNOW HOW PROPER SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT IS DONE, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
I've worked in companies of 1k employees and less, on absolutely non-critical stuff, that has DevOps and QA processes and infrastructure that would make your script kiddie head spin for WEEKS, LET ALONE FUCKIN MILITARY SW DRIVING MILITARY EQUIPMENT YOU ARROGANT KNOWITALL FUCK.
Please, just please, FOCUS ON FUCKING DOING VIDEOS ABOUT STUFF YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND, instead of stuff your ego overinflated from years of debunking dunning-krugers tells you that you're an expert in despite never actually having worked even near those fields. PLEASE. You are amazing when doing those, but this bullshit is just fucking rage-inducing. Don't ever talk about software again, because that's obviously YOUR dunning-kruger area, you fuckin bigheaded script kiddie.12 -
[Hardware geeks, microcontroller geeks, please come]
Yet another Hacktoberfest tshirt...
Gotcha? (I bet you know who I am)
Just kidding. Just a random project idea I am not sure if it is possible to make from scratch.
It is essentially a usb external storage
About 32gb
And has a lcd that shows available storage space
And some buttons to play snake. (Yup)
Is it possible?
What should I expect when creating from scratch? (Microcontroller, c language, interfaces, etc)
13 -
tldr: I am a human with dreams and doubt.
At the Univeristy you end your course of study with a thesis, and there are two kind of thesis: compilative and progettual.
Compilative means that you study something and then make a report about it. Usually I see that this kind of thesis is done by people who just want to end the course.
Progettual means that you actually develop something, maybe driven by a professor, doing something new, or try something in a different way to see if it works... This is for the good guys.
but mine does not fit any of those.
I studyed a lot about some topics, I learned to use the existing tools, I learned to decide which tool is better and when. I learned the open problems in the field. And my thesis is an analysis for a solution for some of them. I did not develop a project, but I didn't just study something. And I am giving the base for a much bigger project.
And I did everything on my own, the prof who is supposed to drive my work let me go on, and I never really asked for his help.
Obviously everything is a mess, the thesis describes broadly a large range of things, who are outside my course, and I am just copying from here and there (avoiding wikipedia because I would be ashamed of that) (I mean, I avoid wikipedia and jump directly to the source).
I actually made a little project from the conclusion of my analysis, but it is more of a mistake than other.
And maybe I am writing this to grow my pride, and avoid depression. To tell me I am not a total failure. Or maybe am I really good as I dream to be? (because that is how pride works, doesn't it?)
I intented a new kind of thesis! Ah!
I will see the prof on wednesday and the deadline is on saturday! I will let you know!
and oh!I am writing it in english so you can read it!
Just kidding, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore, I just want to end this mess, and in english is easier to copy.
I learned from this big mistake of a thesis, next time I will make sure that the prof drives me, because I am 20 and cannot do an analysis such complex on my own.
becauuuuseeee yes! There will be a next time! I am graduating in december, but I am following the master courses since september! In january the first exams! I am practically already thinking about the next thesis. Suggestion on other mistake to avoid?
Did you know James Joyce and the stream of consciuosness? Well, here it is.
I may have spelled something wrong, I hope everything is undestandable.
wow, 2500 characters of rant, I am improving writing the thesis in english!
mngr, out.1 -
fucking kidding me? go to google or facebook's offical documentation, they are carfted perfectly not to work4
-
Boss: so we've got to call an app to verify data in this project. But I've got no more info and I'm on holiday next week. Please contact GuyA next week.
Me: ok I guess?
*writes email to GuyA*
GuyB: GuyA is on holiday please hold the line
*1 week later*
GuyA: we need more time it's not ready yet
*2 weeks later?
Me: so?
GuyA: yeah it's ready here's the wsdl etc your client already has the password
*1 week later*
Me: yeah so I got the data but the api says my auth isn't working
GuyB: yeah your user isn't activated on the test system. I'm gonna forward that and come back at you
*1 week later*
GuyA: so we're going live in about 2 weeks hows testing going?
Me: well I'm still waiting for the response and activation
*suddenly it works*
Me: yeah so auth is working but i can't find any data. Is there any special test data?
GuyA: oh no there is NO test data on the test system. You need to wait for GuyB but he us not here today...
Me: are you fking kidding Me?????
... no response since then and it's been days.... -
The $customer gets a device from us, with th wifi connected as specified in the order. $customer connects it to the mains and monitor, puts in the dongle and the connection is established.
Fast forward 3 weeks, now everything went south. The device does not connect to the network, the service is offline. Our first question: "Has someone modified the WiFi name or password?"
$customer: "No, there were no changes in the WiFi"
So the full arsenal of debugging the connection over LAN starts, interrupted by $customer unplugging the device "because he needs LAN now"
After sometime, we figured out, everything is fine with the device, and ask $customer once again, if the config $ssid and $password is correct.
$customer: "Oh, we changed the name to $ssid2 because it looks nicer, is that a problem?"
Internal: "Are you f*kin kidding me? I asked you exactly that"
Me: "Alright, that explains the issues. Please tell us in advance if you want to change something with the WiFi." -
For hours I spent my time debugging my code, trying different approach to the same code function. Looking for one simple invisible mistake, that is when I want to make a delete request to the IndexedDB.
The request are fine without running a single error, the success event fires perfectly. But one thing which is unexpected, the object inside IndexedDB did not vanish at all. The data stay the same without any flaws (but how can that be, when the 'delete success' event fired? IT SHOULD BE GONE BY NOW!). No kidding, for hours I debug my code, yet found nothing's wrong!
Until one moment I found out the datatype of key I gave the request are different from the object I wanted to delete, the object has a key of 4 and I gave the request "4". I'm so pissed at this moment making me googled 'developer rant' and found this site.
Really! God Bless 1 !== '1'.5 -
More adventures in fixing specs.
This particular failing spec is in an included spec helper; I cannot run the spec itself because rubymine is stupid and doesn't know how. Not kidding. I also don't know the codepath it's actually testing because it's fucking convoluted, so I need (rather: want) a debugger to progress. I put breakpoints everywhere I thought it could be, and... nothing.
The stacktrace shows the calling spec in the helper module, a generic `process` method that just calls `super` (from where? who knows!), and a `wrap_every_action` in the ApplicationController. in other words: absolutely nothing helpful. I stepped through the code for most of an hour and didn't get anywhere; just saw lots of rails internals.
ugh,
I'm going to keep bashing my head against this, but what the fuck, why can't you give me something goddamn useful!?4 -
! Worst thing another dev did in our NodeJS code.
1. No indentation. Literally.
2. A single function in a module worth 1000 lines. I'm not even kidding. No breaking into smaller functions. Just a large rock with a lot of js mess scribbled.
3. No comments at all
4. Sending stray values to promises which were not required at all.
5. No jsdoc. Using camelCase and uppercase interchangeably.2 -
Not really a rant about coding itself, but it's a rent, I'm a dev, so here ya go:
I have a German citizenship, but am living in Hungary temporarily. Also, I need internet. So I go to the website of UPC, register, order a package, etc. Just as I would do anywhere else....... Except for the fact , that they just called me that I should send them my passport, because they neither accept my German ID, my Hungarian registration card or anything else. I DON'T HAVE A PASSPORT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! I LIVE IN THE EU, I DON'T NEED A PASSPORT!!
But the best part was when they told me I should just ask my mother to make the contract for me, because she does have a Hungarian citizenship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!6 -
Today somebody at work asked why they couldn't change a primary key.
Not joking.
Are you fucking kidding me?? There's a reason SSMS doesn't allow it.. because BAD SHIT HAPPENS if you do.2 -
Had harsh words to a recruitment agency a few days ago who have been emailing me completely irrelevant job specs for weeks. (Side note, I don't know these people or how I ended up on the list in the first place, i'm not looking).
Got an apology this morning from one of the agents, their manager also just sent me a mail to apologise, as she can see from the records i've received a lot of crap ... but she also took a moment to let me know she does have a role that might actually suit my skill set.
Are you fucking kidding me?
"Why doesn't anyone reply to my emails" - because you are the devil and can't be trusted. -
Concerning my last post on the two Commodores, (https://devrant.com/rants/963917/...) here's the great story behind the boxed one.
So at the place where I interned over the summer, I helped the tech dept. (IT herein) move to a new bldg. We had to dismantle most of the network infrastructure stuff, so we were in the server room a lot. First day on the job, Boss shows me server room, I'm amazed and all because this is my first real server room lol.
We walk around, and there's a Commodore 64 box on a table, just kinda there. I ask, "Uh, is that actually a C64?" B: "Yeah, that's E's." Me: "E?" (name obfuscated) B: "Yeah, E's a little crazy." Me: "Is it actually in there?" B: "Absolutely, check it out!" *opens box and sees my jaw drop* Me: "Well, alrighty then!" So that lingers in my mind for a while until I meet E. He is a fuckin hilarious guy, personifying the C64, making obscure and professionally inappropriate references. Everyone loves him, until he pranks them. He always did.
We’re in the server room, wiping some Cisco switches or something, and we have some downtime, so I ask him about the 64, and he's like "Yeah, I haven't had time to diagnose her issues much. If you want her, go ahead, see if you can make it work!" Me: "You're kidding, right?" E: "Nah, not at all!"
That day I walked out with a server motherboard, 2 Xeon CPUs and some RAM for the server (all from an e-waste bin, approved for me to take home from boss) and a boxed C64. Did a multimeter test on the PSU pins, one of the 9vAC pins is effectively dead (1.25v fluctuating? No thanks.) but everything else is fine except for a loose heatsink and a blown fuse in each C64. Buying the parts tonight. I wanna see this thing work!1 -
Demo for client goes bad when we encounter a bug adding a new entry into the back end. Entry shows up in the admin but not the front side.
<thoughtbubble> "I can't believe this, we just tested it! How can this be? How? How?" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps, the cache? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps the front side is pointing to dev? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "Oh shit... make something up quick. Make it sound good." </thoughtbubble>
Tells client we'll have to look into it. (real smooth)
Looked into it and it turns out the bug was actually a feature. Apparently when you assign an "end date" to a date in the past... by design, it won't show.
However, was it bad UI? That's a different argument.4 -
I'm never using the literal character version of null Terminator again. I just spent an hour debugging a crash. I used the /0 instead of \0 when I built the string. Are you fucking kidding me, why the fuck is /0 not highlighted by my ide, I mean fucking seriously. Numeric 0 literal for rest of my dayz1
-
Project: Angular 11
Package doc 2.1: For Angular 13+
Package release 2.1: For Angular 12+
Me: Well, this package solve our problem but it need Angular 12 or 13 to run, so do we go for 13 ?
Team: yep,the update is on schedule so take it and update it later.
Me: We can also go to 14 directly.
Team: No, we prefer LTS version
...some weeks later...
Team: Update to 13 complete !
Me: Yes ! Let's go !
...Install package 2.1...
... Compilation...
🚫 Angular 14 is required for version 2.1
Me: are you fu***** kidding?
Final word: please, keep a good documentation on version requirements 😁
(The package has currently a 3.x in beta to solve the 2.1 angular 14 problem because why not 🤷) -
SO is like my SO
Yells at me for asking stupid questions. Hates it when I don't Google first. Tells me I'm too vague. Shuts me up before I have the chance to ask.
At the end of the day I've accomplished nothing with my code.2 -
I have "we do not outsource any development" very clearly written multiple times on my LinkedIn profile and yet I still get 10-11 messages a day asking me to hire their sketchy Ukrainian
/indian software devshop, moreover to handle my fucking PHP MySQL needs (I very specifically write multiple times on LinkedIn and elsewhere that we do not use those tools). I've just stopped accepting requests from India and Eastern Europe, and if their headline mentions recruitment, anything "specialist", or blockchain that's an automatic ignore.
The funniest part is that they all say the same "we specialize in your needs" are you fucking kidding? If you read any part of my company profile or my profile you'd know that your specialty is anything BUT our needs fuck right off
Edit: I'm going to also specify that I'm a broke college student with a tiny software startup, so not only can I not afford their devshop but also why would I outsource the only thing we do?1 -
I couldn't easily find it again and I didn't screenshot it yesterday. But this is not made up.
Yesterday I found a Sponsored post on Facebook about a class for one of WordPress premium theme with visual builder. Well it's more like a workshop rather than a class.
The description said if you want to have stable income, want to work from home, want to experience a *real developer life*, etc etc.
REAL DEVELOPER LIFE. No kidding.
I do WordPress websites. Yes I use premium themes. Yes I do visual builder. Fuck but I don't call that work real dev work and I'm not proud of those projects as real dev works.
In the end, the hungrier guy gets the bread. I guess. I haven't thought of providing such courses at all.
PS : the mentioned theme is Divi from Elegantthemes. -
My paper just got rejected. Again. The first time it was expected. But for this journal, it wasn't supposed to be. Some of the reviewers' comments are stupid. (for eg. I mention a no-loss algorithm fir a game which, so his/her comment is like what's no-loss? , like are you fucking kidding me, if you don't know that, then why are you a reviewer in the first place)
Anyway now I don't know what to do. I'm looking for more journals but all have so high impact factors and I'm not even sure confident to submit again. Had a good mind to mail the editor in chief but well, I don't think it'd help. What do you guys think?
In the middle of another project, another paper, online courses, now this. I'm just done. I didn't go home as well. It's around four o' clock in the morning here, so noone here is awake.
Can anyone hear me?5 -
!rant just a question. Sorry in advance for the long post.
I've been working in IT in Windows infrastructure and networking side of things for my entire career (5years) and recently was hired for a role working with AWS.
We use Macs and we use *nix distros for days. I've only ever dabbled for 'funsies' before with Linux because every previous job I held was a Windows house and f*** all else.
I'm just wondering if anyone here might have some insights as to a great way to learn the Linux environment and to learn it the right way. I'm not the best Windows admin ever and will never claim to be, but I have seen stuff that other people have done that makes me want to swing a brick at someone's head. And I feel that with all of the setup wizards and the "We'll just do it for you." approach that Windows has used since forever it allowed enough wiggle room for people that didn't know what they were doing to f*** sh*t up royally. I'm not familiar enough with Linux to know if this is also a common problem. I know that having literal full-access to every file in your OS can cause a n00b like myself to mess up royal, thus the question about learning Linux the right way.
I vaguely understand the organization of the folders and file structure within Linux, and I know some very basic commands.
sudo rm -rf /*
Just kidding
But All of my co-workers at my new job are like mighty oaks of knowledge while I'm a tiny sapling. And at times I've been intimidated by how little I know, but equally motivated to try and play catch-up.
In addition to all of this, I really want to start learning how to program. I've tried learning multiple times from places like codecademy.com, YouTube tutorials, and codeschool.com but I feel like I'm missing the lesson that explains why to use a certain operation instead of another. Example: if/else in lieu of a switch.
I'm also failing to get the concept of syntax in certain languages I've tried before. Java comes to mind real fast.
The first language I tried teaching myself was C++ from YouTube. I ended up having a fever dream that night about coding and woke up in a cold sweat. Literally, like brain overload or something. I was watching tutorials for like 9 hours straight.
Does anyone know of a training resource that will explain, in terms a 5 year old would understand, what the code is doing and why? I really want to learn but I'm starting to lose steam cause I'm just not getting it.
Thank you in advance for any tips guys and gals. I really appreciate it. Sorry for the ridiculously long questions.5 -
I really hate PHP frameworks.
I also often write my own frameworks but propriety. I have two decades experience doing without frameworks, writing frameworks and using frameworks.
Virtually every PHP framework I've ever used has causes more headaches than if I had simply written the code.
Let me give you an example. I want a tinyint in my database.
> Unknown column type "tinyint" requested.
Oh, doctrine doesn't support it and wont fix. Doctrine is a library that takes a perfectly good feature rich powerful enough database system and nerfs it to the capabilities of mysql 1.0.0 for portability and because the devs don't actually have the time to create a full ORM library. Sadly it's also the defacto for certain filthy disgusting frameworks whose name I shan't speak.
So I add my own type class. Annoying but what can you do.
I have to try to use it and to do so I have to register it in two places like this (pseudo)...
Types::add(Tinyint::class);
Doctrine::add(Tinyint::class);
Seems simply enough so I run it and see...
> Type tinyint already exists.
So I assume it's doing some magic loading it based on the directory and commend out the Type::add line to see.
> Type to be overwritten tinyint does not exist.
Are you fucking kidding me?
At this point I figure out it must be running twice. It's booting twice. Do I get a stack trace by default from a CLI command? Of course not because who would ever need that?
I take a quick look at parent::boot(). HttpKernel is the standard for Cli Commands?
I notice it has state, uses a protected booted property but I'm curious why it tries to boot so many times. I assume it's user error.
After some fiddling around I get a stack trace but only one boot. How is it possible?
It's not user error, the program flow of the framework is just sub par and it just calls boot all over the place.
I use the state variable and I have to do it in a weird way...
> $booted = $this->booted;parent::boot();if (!$booted) {doStuffOnceThatDependsOnParentBootage();}
A bit awkward but not life and death. I could probably just return but believe or not the parent is doing some crap if already booted. A common ugly practice but one that works is to usually call doSomething and have something only work around the state.
The thing is, doctrine does use TINYINT for bool and it gets all super confused now running commands like updates. It keeps trying to push changes when nothing changed. I'm building my own schema differential system for another project and it doesn't have these problems out of the box. It's not clever enough to handle ambiguous reverse mappings when single types are defined and it should be possible to match the right one or heck both are fine in this case. I'd expect ambiguity to be a problem with reverse engineer, not compare schema to an exact schema.
This is numpty country. Changing TINYINT UNSIGNED to TINYINT UNSIGNED. IT can't even compare two before and after strings.
There's a few other boots I could use but who cares. The internet seems to want to use that boot function. There's also init stages missing. Believe it or not there's a shutdown and reboot for the kernel. It might not be obvious but the Type::add line wants to go not in the boot method but in the top level scope along with the class definition. The top level scope is run only once.
I think people using OOP frameworks forget that there's a scope outside of the object in PHP. It's not ideal but does the trick given the functionality is confined to static only. The register command appears to have it's own check and noop or simply overwrite if the command is issued twice making things more confusing as it was working with register type before to merely alias a type to an existing type so that it could detect it from SQL when reverse engineering.
I start to wonder if I should just use columnDefinition.
It's this. Constantly on a daily basis using these pretentious stuck up frameworks and libraries.
It's not just the palava which in this case is relatively mild compared to some of the headaches that arise. It's that if you use a framework you expect basic things out of the box like oh I don't know support for the byte/char/tinyint/int8 type and a differential command that's able to compare two strings to see if they're different.
Some people might say you're using it wrong. There is such a thing as a learning curve and this one goes down, learning all the things it can't do. It's cripplesauce.12 -
The joy when tools do not have machine parseable output.
I'm looking at you SBT. My favorite pile of poo.
Remove the logging level from each line, then trim the line, then stab around inside the line with regexes, fishing for a possible match which hopefully is right...
Then stripping scala information like the object type, cause yeah...
A line can be for example "[info] Vector(File(...),File(...))" where info is the log level, Vector the wrapping sequence type, File(...) the wrapping element type and the string inside File(...) what yours truly needs.
As this is lot of shitty shabby string stabby stabby, we need to add a fuckton of boiler plate validation cause who knows what we just murdered.
To make it even more fucked up, a multi project project can produce different output for the same key.
:-)
Yeah. So we need to fix that too.
By the way, one can set log output to unbuffered in SBT.
Then the output is in random order :-)
Isn't that fun? Come on, you wanna poke that pile of shit, too.
The SBT plugin way is by the way no alternative, as I need a full Java environment for execution.
Which brings me to the last point:
For fucks sake, writing CLI applications in Java is so much bloody boilerplate code.
There's ugly and then there's the "please kill me" kind of level.
50 lines just to write a basic validation of argc / argv with commons cli.
That's 6 lines in python. Not kidding. :(
I currently hate everything.
Moments where the job sucks: When you have to hotwire two electric cables with high currency by giving both cables the blowjob of your life.3 -
Y'know, up until now, everyone was just bragging about who has the most ++s... (I'm kidding, that didn't really happen... I think...?)
But now that we have ++s in binary, we can literally brag about who has the LONGEST... string of ++s.
Not... something else. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Oh well, size doesn't matter anyway.
Happy Easter/April Fools! °u°2 -
The team in our office was forced to have, and I'm not kidding, TWO hours long agile meetings EVERY day. That's right, only 6 hours a day for work. Crazy managers
-
rant, but !really.
Trying out this new Kotlin language. Pretty cool, except for...
val str: String = "what the fuck is this syntax?"6 -
I was browsing websites in search of a nice digital camera because my wife saw one but it's long since been discontinued. So I found this one article about a few current ones. I open it, it shows the typical GDPR consent request about cookies with a prominent button 'ACCEPT ALL,' and a less prominent button 'MANAGE PREFERENCES.'
But tapping the button 'MANAGE PREFERENCES' did not show any preferences to manage! WHAT THE HECK? There was only a list of 'partners' whose cookies I need to accept. A long list. A very long list. I stopped counting at 500.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT REASON COULD A WEBSITE POSSIBLY HAVE TO REQUIRE COOKIE CONSENT FOR MORE THAN 500 PARTNERS?
Fucking capitalist internet.4 -
Friend: Java and javascript are the same..
Me: You're kidding me right? It's like comparing a Ferrari to a bicycle. Not even in the same leagues man!9 -
I hate it when someone asks me for help in a part of his code, then I find that the problem is the whole code not just that part.
I have 3 options:
- try to make it work, and get lost in his shit, not refactored code.
- tell him that I am not that good so he get out of my face
- kill him, so he can reproduce
PS: just kidding -
double RandDouble(double min, double max) {
double rand = (double) RandomGen::GetRand32() / UINT32_MAX;
return (rand * (max - min)) + min;
}
I wrote this function 2 months ago and until now assumed it was working.
Turns out GetRand32 has a range up to INT32_MAX, not UINT32_MAX. So this function would only ever select the first half of the range.
You gotta be fucking kidding me... -
When you dual boot ubuntu and windows, then decide to remove Ubuntu because,who ate you kidding, you're not actually using it, then you get bored and want to try the new Linux distro that branched off from arch and vms at the same time so now you're experiencing the wonders of chakra on oracle virtual box....🤔3
-
Week 1 Day 1
It's a little late to do a whole big list of things I want to change going into 2018 so I'll just keep this focused on one thing: I do NOT want to work a minimum wage job by the end of 2018, preferably by the end of May.
So I'm gonna change that; starting now. I got accepted to the Grow with Google Challenge scholarship I may or may not have applied to while blackout drunk and I realize that drunk me was watching out for sober me. He set up a good start to getting me away from unloading trucks at 2AM and into a nice comfy chair where I can replace physical pain with mental anguish. But all kidding aside I'm really excited to start this course but I have no drive and motivation is a little hard to come by around here (The Fairy Godmother is MIA) so I'm going to be posting these rants daily in the hopes that it keeps me obligated to not waste the opportunity given to me. So without further ado, day 1 everybody.
I started today really simple. I signed up for a slack account, got Udacity set up so I was officially enrolled and everything, then moved on to setting up my laptop for android development. I wanted a fresh start so I when ahead and wiped my hard drive and looked at a few different OSes to see what fit my needs. After trying to mess around with Arch Linux and failing, I moved to Debian, I liked Debian a lot but I'm not completely comfortable with it just yet and I don't want to waste a lot of time having to familiarize with a new OS when I just want to dig in. So eventually I ended up with Windows 10, for the convenience and ease of use, but decided to put a spin on it and download the Ubuntu subsystem for W10 so I could still practice on something similar to a GNU/Linux OS. So far everything is set up, I have the only 4 applications I will need: chrome, android studio, google play Music, and devrant of course, and I intend to keep all other distractions off of this machine. Overall I'm feeling really good and I'll follow up tomorrow with some actual coding and whatnot and we'll go for there.1 -
Worst dev experience: Started vim, could not escape, had to get a new computer... 😐
Just kidding, everything was good 😜 -
I started building an application for FIDAL (Italian Federation of Athletics) because why not: I was bored and wanted to learn Flutter.
There is no API, but I didn't even expect it. Parsing the HTML is easy enough.
BUT OH MY GOD THE ENTIRE WEBSITE IS SHIT. Take this page: http://www.fidal.it/graduatorie.php, it uses some useless jQuery plugin and uses a buttload of JavaScript that isn't even needed. BUT WAIT. Try entering an invalid "club code" (http://fidal.it/graduatorie.php/...), a FUCKING white page with 200, are you kidding?
I'd also like to mention that all pages that require form input won't load correctly if you don't include "submit=Invia" in the URL.
I am not giving up.3 -
Fucking shitty ass educational products fucking really suck. Literally, one of the schools we work for has a piece of software called Blackboard that seems great and all until you realize that its written in Java and you have students and teachers who barely know how to turn on a computer using this thing! I'm not even kidding when I say that one student can bring the entire thing to its knees just by causing it to throw a NullPointerException and to make matters worse teachers are allowed to customize their "classrooms" which as part of that they are allowed to add plugins. Some of which also cause fucking headaches and NullPointerExceptions. The least these fuckers could have done was switched their code to Kotlin or something that could actually handle improper types without crashing the whole damn thing.6
-
Had a lot of folders with pictures in them in a directory and I'm not kidding, I did 'mv /* .' instead of 'mv ./* .'
Immediately stopped it but a couple hundred files were moved.
Looks like mostly jpgs but also some Python scripts... Not sure why I'm so stupid..
First time I've been happy to see so many permission denied's..
I'd like to clone myself and then have myself punch myself in the face..3 -
At any given company, there are
those that do
and
those that do not
I've mostly (and sadly) worked with the latter
and those are the people who are like "ahhh yeah, no worries, don't worry about it! we need you to stay positive, not rage! why you get so worked up?" and i'm like YEAH YOU DONT HAVE TO FUCKING WORRY BECAUSE YOU DONT DO ANYTHING! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSIBILITY IN THIS COMPANY AND ARE A FLOATING BLOB COLLECTING YOUR PAYCHECK, THAT'S WHY I GET ALL NEW ASSIGNMENTS AND AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM WHILE YOU ARE STILL WORKING ON TASKS ASSIGNED TO YOU TWO QUARTERS AGO!!!!!!!!
god who am i kidding, it'll never change
...man I am on an absolute rant rampage the past few days, feels good >:) -
Was asked which I liked better, the blue circle with white Times New Roman letters squeezed in the middle, or the not-kidding Comic Sans version. I asked if they might consider using something easier on the eyes like, say, Helvetica, and was told that they had no idea what that looked like and besides it wasn't available in Microsoft Word when the logo was designed.2
-
PHP are you freaking kidding me right now? Why are you forcing me to write ugly and meaningless code like this?
Today I just learned that boolval("false") will return true.
I'd deffo expect this from casting operators, but not from a function which even has val inside of its name.
What purpose is to have functions like these in language if they just serve as plain wrapper for casting operators
8 -
Starting my PC. Slow. Very slow. Keyboard and mouse are not responding.
I think - I THINK - Windows is updating. Ok, I let you 15 min. Still frozen. Mouse move in a nearly 1 frame per 4 seconds.
Ok, I have to leave all day, I let you finish.
Coming back after 24h. Still frozen. Are you kidding me? An update so-called stealthy? Go in hell kro$oft!3 -
Hi All !!!
Woah this is my first Post after 3 years not opening this website.
i don't know why.
but maybe between 2017-2020 my live got better so i don't think will have any Rant again.ahahaha *kidding
but today i see email, that i got sticker from devRant, woah i think i will go to devRant again.
wow devRant more cool than before , i don't think this website still open. i just want to check it. i forgot my password too. but luckily still got an access to my email.
So i want to tell a story about this weekly Rant,
Family Support? what the he** is it.
my family only look for money.
at my first job finding, i always pushed for find work in Factory/Oil/Goverment that will give a BIG money.
my first reaction to this i tell i won't do that. but overtime i think i will not talk about it again.
i just want to get Dev Job anywhere.
i don't know if this is the meaning of passion or something like that.
but from the first time , i try hard to get job only is software development.
and hey Maybe my Pray Listened by Almighty God.
so i got my first job as Fullstack developer that luckily accept me as self taught software developer. i don't have any formal education.
actually i only learn software dev from Lynda.com(not promotion) .
i learn algorithm, pseudocode . then i got passed the test of psudocode.
Then because the money is good in there. my parent just accept my first job. not complaining again till now..
maybe this is what they called ikigai??
i love software development so much....
but still i always have a Rant every day about it.
someday you like it, someday you hate it.
someday yo miss it, someday you regret it.
maybe that what is called Love.Damn... -
Its a confession...
So yesterday we had a practical in our uni... It was on Assembly Language (NASM and TASM)... Its a horrible language to work on... Trust me... I hate it, infact... We all hate it at the uni... But the thing is... We need to pass the practical in order to sit for the theory, and it is really hard language.... So most of my friends brought pen drives... And some brought chits... And sadly... All of them got caught... And were marked as fail right away... But the thing is I also cheated... And I copied successfully... I didnt use any pendrive or removable media... But I used ssh to my cloud server... And since I code on vi, it was pretty easy for me to cheat in the practical... I feel bad that I cheated.... But then I feel proud as well because I used the tech of this generation to copy, and not some grandpa shit like pendrives...
Yeah... That was it... The codes did rain in the exam..
I know I am a horrible person.. But common guys.. Who am I kidding... I am proud that I didnt use any clichè methods... And was talented enough to do so without getting caught...5 -
Tasked with changing a couple of captions on a form. Literly as simple as 'Enter product' to 'Enter item' kind of change.
Reported in our morning stand up the changes where complete, tested and deployed (maybe 15 minutes worth of work including code check out/in, copying the file, etc)
DevA: "Ha ha...that's why you put those strings in resource files."
DevB: "No kidding. Not sure when we'll ever start doing best practices around here."
It was all I could do from saying "What the -bleep-!? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." -
// Pretty long rant.
Already made some rants some months ago about coding experience in Smalltalk for a school project, but to sum it up :
Because of administrative things, Smalltalk change from option to obligatory course to everyone (we were told that "we had 3 choices out of 3" for options. Not even kidding)
So whole prom got to do a Smalltalk project, a basic shapes editor with Drag'n'Drop and keyboard shortcuts implemented.
But literally everyone didn't get a grasp of the language nor VisualWorks, the IDE. So we got projected in a "Do-it yourself, learn by yourself" project with a language that nobody understood.
Took me 1 week of browsing on Google to find books explaining more than the teacher did. Took me another week to notice that the teacher actually provided VisualWorks's manual. (No one would have noticed if I didn't tell them, and the teacher went silent on it.)
And then the coding started. My teacher thought this project would require something like 20-30 hours of coding. Took me 2 whole months and a half to do moist of the features he asked (only the Keyboard shortcuts weren't implemented, explanation below), and I was the most advanced of whole prom, so I had to answer every single question of fellows. Not complaining, but this took me a lot of time.
But why didn't you ask the teacher ?
- If I ask him every question I had in mind, I would actually harass him since I had too many of them, and I wasn't the only one.
- I actually went twice to his office to ask him question. First question, that was pretty straightforward, I forgot something, blablabla all done. Second time, that was for the keyboard. And then, things are getting even funnier. The teacher didn't have VisualWorks installed on his Mac, so he tried to install it while I was waiting. And he took too long time to actually launch it, because VisualWorks asked for him to log in, to provide an email, the download is a little long thanks to the network and the size, etc. When he finally was able to launch it, I had some classes to attend, so he couldn't answer. And since then, I had no time because last year, flooded with work, exams, classes ,etc.
All of that to have only 13 out of 20. I kinda shrugged, knowing that I wouldn't get more, and said that Smalltalk will only be a line of my resume.
Pretty long rant, sorry about that, but had to explain so you can see how bad it was to me.1 -
Anyone else watching the HD remaster of Star Trek: TNG on Netflix and thinking, "that Holodeck should have had some unit tests!"
Also: what's with the passwords being short spoken phrases that can be recorded and played back? Have they not heard of 2FA in Starfleet?
1/10 totally unwatchable (just kidding, I'm loving it)3 -
One of the biggest IT magazines in Germany just posted an article with the caption: "What is coming up with Android O and will it fix the update drama?"
Are u fcking kidding me?! Android is not the problem in that case and no new version will fix a problem, that is related to upcoming versions of android, which are distributed by external providers, that are fcking independent from google... Wtf..6 -
!rant
So, my company already has subscriptions to rally (jira alternative) but the current team fucking uses an online SPREADSHEET to track work items! it's easy to track, blah blah, fuck you. The feature requirement is just one fucking line long. Are you kidding me. Don't come back to me saying something is not working as expected when you didn't specify how it should work.3 -
New Year's vows:
- not waste time
- maximum productivity
- maximum speed
- cloak engaged (ok, just kidding)
- finally finish learning Java
- learn enterprise programming
- not be a jerk to people (bleh)4 -
What the actual freaking fuck?!?! First this company postponed my jobinterview with a week. Ok shit is busy that can happen. No problem.
I was just about to leave my home when i got a call from them.
“I didn’t know if the interview was remote or not so blabla. Last week we talked to a company and are gonna outsource our development. Therefor we won’t hire any developer right now. But maybe in six months”
WTF?! Are you fucking kidding me? Goddamn asshole, this is ridiculous.
I should’ve just hang up right there. If you run your business like this and threat people this way, i don’t even want to work at your company. Motherfucker1 -
"Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where windows hurts you"
You must be kidding, right? Since Windows 10 it hurst the moment it is installed on my fucking PC. I don't want those fucking cloud functionality on my fucking PC. If I want it, I would work on a Mac FFS!
Let me decide when to update my god damn machine! Even with a fucking enterprise edition it is not possible the way I want it! Yeah, I don't have to login with a Microsoft Account, but there is always a small, little, Microsoft-Hating-Devil in my Head telling me: "Who knows, if they don't sync your clipboard even, if you don't login with a Microsoft Account?" (Cloud synced Clipboards are the next bis shit coming!!!)
There is not much left, and Linux will be my all day OS (second boot atm).4 -
Epiphany!!
01. You realized you are in matrix
00. You get only Pokemon to follow not the white rabbit (just kidding)
10. You realized you are not Morpehus
11. You realized you are also not Agent
100. You realized you are no where near Trinity or Oracle
101. You realized you are not even the Architect
110. You think you are Neo!!
111. You ask the right question : Who Am I ? (Not which pills to choose)
1000. Who you are ??? :
You are some one who is walking pass the Blonde Woman in Red without even giving a look at her. (May be too busy in our own world to realize the world around can be as beautiful as the code we write)4 -
This is a rundown of my day.
Today I had the immense pleasure to continue implementing an web table with server side paging, filters and sorts, and to persist all those values in the url query strings.
Thank fucking god for vue.
And just before sleep, I inflated like 40 balloons for a bday tomorrow and I didn't have an inflator, so let me say this.
FUCK BALLOONS. The brand of these motherfuckers was horrible.
I hate it that they all come with this fucking dust in the bag.
Bitch, I'm putting this shit in my mouth.
Isn't it curious how bitch is like a very powerful insult in the sense that it's very funny but also very validating.
Like you could say that in the middle of argument against a woman and actually win it.
But sadly women don't have an insult against men of which make use, so it's very unfair in my opinion.
In fact there are so many female targeted insults that you kinda feel untouchable as a guy.
Except if a woman insults the size of your dick. That is a fucking tomahawk missile.
Anyhow, not making any type of gender inequality analysis or whatever, I just thought it was a peculiar observation.
Even bigger anyhow , I'm not good at inflating balloons, I'm a web dev, what did you expect? That I could have basic ordinary skills in life.
Helloooo, I said I am a WEB... DEVELOPER.
It's a fucking miracle I am able to complete basic day to day tasks necessary to live.
All I know doing is adding 5 unaudited packages everyday to my current project.
(Just kidding, i'm relatively ok as a coder, but if you actually thought it was true just because of being a web dev, then go eat a dick, and if you didn't like this dyslexia fueled rant, go eat another dick)1 -
Fuck yeah!!! Finally found Mate! 😎
Well, not exactly dev related... Meh, whoami kidding, coding without Mate is nigh impossible 😁
5 -
20 fucking seconds for a fucking un-muttable ad.
What if I was trying to slyly watch porn while my brother is half asleep three feet away from me, huh? Fuckin shopping music blaring out my screen.
Holy fuck.
2 -
15 mins in our weekly dev meeting, boss comes in sits down and starts talking about a project. After that he stands up and brings one of the designer in and begins to make some stuff up we could add. Are you kidding me? That is a dev meeting, he is not even supposed to be there. How rude disturbing a meeting so he can discuss stuff we could discuss later-.-1
-
3 weeks back took a bug..
**long rant**
Looked into it and found that it is exist in older version(say V1) as well.
Sent mail to client stating i can fix this in current version (say V2). Since V1 is already released and our current code stream is V2 and so if we fix in V2 , the code will not reach V1 code base.
**explained to client**
Client : I mean if you fix why it won't work in older release.
Me: Explains how code streams will work.
Client : Okay.. but it will support the functionality in V1 , right ?
Me: (*internally* are fucking kidding me? It won't work dumb ass.) No. It won't work in older versions. I am fixing it in V2.
client: okay.. Let's proceed.
Me: Done code changes. Send code to review. (we have to send review to upper level manager).
Manager1 : I didn't liked this part. can you change this ?
Me : sure. Done.
Manager1 : Now i liked it. Sent review to Manager2.
Me: why the fuck ? Are you not sure about my changes are good?
Manager 2: I liked it, but need some log changes.
Me: Fuckkkk...... Let me change this.. Done. Now can I promote those changes?
Manager2: No we need to send review to client manager as well.
Me: Goddammit.. Okay.. sent review.
*After a fucking week..*
Client Manager : Looks good. Push the code.
Me: Finally..
(This process took 18 days which would have been completed in 3 days if there is only one peer review)
Now the other guy from client whose tracking the bugs reported why it took so long to fix it.
I think my client manager is over paid and can't even know how his company code stream works. Fuck you . why client has these lazy ass old fucking "I don't look into my email" type people. God I hate these "I am in rich country" people.2 -
<assumption>If there are no fundamental laws constraining the existence of simulated consciousness</assumption>, I would throw in my lot in working towards developing an AGI.
Since there is infinite time to learn any skill and <assumption>it is possible to learn or invent whatever software or mathematical framework is required for such a goal</assumption>, I would get down to that, learning and creating various new forms of mathematical frameworks and required software tools.
<assumption>Engineers usually work best without another fellow human on the project</assumption>, so I will set up automation for tasks that do benefit from multiple minds on a project, in the form of low-level artificial intelligence that I have to work on as a prerequisite for the main goal.
Once the critical mass is hit where the code can keep self-improving and produce more iterations of itself that are better, I sit back and start with my long, long to-watch/to-read list and try to finish as much as I can before the AGI I created would <assumption>repurpose all of our mortal flesh for more efficient use.</assumption>
The only remnant of the existence of humanity will be the influence on the initial design of the code based sentience that exists now.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just kidding, <not-an-assumption>I'd probably procrastinate right until the heat death of the universe</not-an-assumption>1 -
My school did that and it helped firing the worse teachers I got :
A simple poll on every course taught during the three year.
[Gonna be surely a long rant since some testimony below]
The previous prom before us got a teacher that went nuts, like the first and only lesson classes was like "Okay so if you don't understand my lessons, you get out. I don't want any question." I'm not kidding.
So since he wanted to teach researching stuff, they had only 4 hours of lessons, and the other classes were to research.
At the exam, he went nuts again and were saying people did shit, saying that they are shit, etc.
Worse is, if you happen to have to do a catch up examen with him, you had to implement in 4 hours a program that took at least 20 hours of research.
But at the end of the year, students got asked with a poll how each classes of the year went. All the prom gave the feedback that was deserved.
The next year, wiht my prom, the teacher was extremely kind with us, but we all knew that was because his job was compromised. (And if I'm not wrong, he doesn't do that course anymore for engineers, fortunatly.) -
https://imgur.com/a/hGREhL5
So since I don't use VLC and I'm pretty annoyed by the fact that it needed to remind me it exists, I decided to purge it.Then not 5 minutes later I realize that, oh fuck, Konsole is missing. In those 5 minutes I had also installed Steam and thought that was what fucked it all up, then I reinstalled Konsole and somehow VLC was back.
Then I tried to just apt remove VLC instead and boom, Konsole was gone
So, sorry, but are you fucking kidding me!?
1 -
You're kidding. You know how React, GraphQl, and Jest are made by facebook. You would think that Jest then would be framework of choice for mocking gql queries and responses for a React app. And you would be wrong. You "can, but-", depending on your implementation - ours being based on official sources - not without contorting and duplicating everything related to the query implementation at which you are barely even testing the app itself. We're using named imports from .gql files, for those familiar.
Don't you hate it when it turns out the guy going "nah tests were too hard, we didn't bother" was right.3 -
Amother one:
Seconf CS101 class. We had to write a program that multiplies two parameters in a method.
I asked the tutor for help because it was my forst timr ever writimg code.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THIS IS BASIC STUFF YOU SHOULD ALREAEDY KNOW IN YOUR SLEEP. ANYMORE QUESTIONS? "
Went to the prpfessor and told him what kind of assholes are working for him. Found out that the tutpr is not tutoring anyone amymore because the found someone who is not an asshole.
College is fun.1 -
Oh my... I'm so exhausted and tired of everything. First I got really sick for two weeks and couldn't work. I also collapsed on the floor one night and hurt myself. Well what happens yesterday? You guessed it - I fell down the stairs and hurt exactly the same spots as two weeks ago... (no I was not drunk).
And then I have to work on a holiday today (yes, still with that same fucking shitty shopware project) because I have to attend an appointment in a different country on Thursday (I need Thursday off, but I don't have any vacation left).
So here I'm sitting almost crying in pain because of this FUCKING project, everything hurts, I still can't think straight and shopware is denying my refresh tokens. FUCK THIS JOB. Seriously. Fuck it. I have had the chance to look into a lot of companies and do different things, but this is the worst.
Nobody fucking cared about the project for nearly 8 months, and now that I'm close to leaving the company they begin to act like "oh well it must be done by then". ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I told them a million times I need help and that I won't be able to finish it in time. That's what happens when nobody plans a project, but accepts it anyways because "it brings in money".
Seriously?! This project has been a waste of money and my energy and nerves. We're already 100% over the budget and will never ever see one cent coming from this shitty project. WHY FOR FUCKS SAKE IS IT THAT THOSE PEOPLE JUST DONT SEE IT WHEN A PROJECT IS GOING DOWN THE FUCKING DRAIN?!5 -
Some programmer or QA person somewhere in the world is having a moment of great reflection on the subject of thoroughly testing their code. If not that, then on the subject of a super crappy manager who knew better and pushed to production anyway.
“Then in September this year, nearly three years later, he got a letter from Wells Fargo. "Dear Jose Aguilar," it read, "We made a mistake… we're sorry." It said the decision on his loan modification was based "on a faulty calculation" and his loan "should have been" approved.
"It's just like, 'Are you serious? Are you kidding me?' Like they destroyed my kids' life and my life, and now you want me to – 'We're sorry?'"
https://cbsnews.com/news/... -
I'm not even in the mood to speculate how much time I've spent trying to convert this certain datatype from one of the frameworks we're using. I couldn't find it in the documentation, google and SO says to use a member which just doesn't work and seems to be deprecated.
I started writing my own converter which got way bigger than what I was comfortable with due to all the special cases needing separate checks and handling.
I eventually came across a function which does exactly what I needed. It was the one suggested by said googles and SOs, it was just... recently renamed.
Not sure how to describe this sense of "yay, I found the proper solution!" and "are you fucking kidding me". Thank goodness for devRant. -
FUCKING NGINX...........
I moved a website to a new server, and nginx redirects me to another fucking website on the same server. I have been trying to fix that for FUCKING 3 HOURS. I did everything. Disabled EVERY site on that server except that one, works. I go back. Guess what..... haha it goes back and FUCKING REDIRECTS ME TO OTHER SITES. You have to be fucking kidding me right 🖕. I check if I miswrote anything, check if it's the control panels fault (doesn't look like it). I make a vhost myself for the site (with the other still active to check if it detected the vhost). Reload...
nginx: "One vhost was ignored because the servername already exists". Yeah yeah you twat nginx.
So le me disables every site again (except le not working site). I enable every site again.
nginx: "owh hey * someip * heres the site".
Me: .............. 😡😡 fucking twat. 🖕🖕
BTW, have no clue what caused it. Seems to work now. It shouldn't be a DNS issue I checked that. Anyone any ideas? Appreciate it.3 -
One day I decided I wanted to build robots.
And not kidding the reason I wanted to build them was because I wanted someone interesting to talk to and stil not kidding I even fantasized about a robot girlfriend... Lame I know I think I was a lonely little guy back then, though even after 7 years or so it doesn't feel as though it's that long ago. Maybe because things didn't change that much. Which is worrying but it's not the topic so I will pass on that future-past worries bullcrapper. After learning how robots worked and what made them function so things gradually led up to me being more interested in machine learning applications and software. I learned Arduino at first, I think I still have some messy circuits and old arduinos around. I only finished one robot though and it couldn't even support it's own weight. The servo motors were taking too many amps that heated up the little arduino even with a fan attached. Provably I should have made use of mechanics for robots books and calculated things first. But even though it couldn't walk properly I still felt success and I loved it like my own kid (me taking it apart was questionable but believe me). After that I focused more on writing code than using my hands to make things which was a pain in the ass if I might add.
After learning arduino and making that failed project of mine. I then picked up C++ wrote hello world program usual things a starter would do. It was the language I wrote my first game which I finished and this time it worked. But I never released it which was partly because I didn't want to spend a hundred bucks on a license for the engine and I also knew that it was a shit game. If I were to describe; lines in different colors come from the top you need to hit the lines with the same colored columns to break them. The columns changed their height and location on random. The lines sped up and gap between them decreased. Now that I think about it it wasn't half bad. But the code was written in game maker studio's version of C so I have no way to salvage it.
But I learned a lot of things from that project and that was the goal, so I would call it a win. I don't remember but after sometime I switched to python. And I'm glad I did, it's fun to code in which was the main reason I coded in the first place. Fun.
Life happens and time passes,
Now I'm waiting to enter college exams in a few months after hopefully passing them. My goal is to get into computer engineering which will be extremely challenging because it's the highest point department in the university I'm aiming at. But hey if the challenge is great the reward is greater right ? To be honest I'm still not sure about my career path. Too many choices. So I will just let my own road called <millions of similarly random events that are actually caused by deterministic reactions, to affect you and your surroundings leading up to a future which only the Laplace's demon can forsee> guide me. Wish me luck.1 -
My concern only goes so far...
‘Wow! Two factor authentication is not main stream... Are you f*cking kidding me? And you own bitcoin!’
‘No, I have ripple.’
‘Oh, well, not bothered then.’ -
How can anybody use virtualization on Windows? Seriously! My second experience with Hyper-V. Not only it can't do basic stuff like forward devices into VM. And CPU and network configuration is simply a joke with almost no settings. But even those few stop working after a while! Aaarrrgh! Spend hour clicking like crazy trying to get network working. I wanted just a simple network between host and guest. Willing to setup static IP. Can't be simpler. But no, can't do. Somehow started working after ten times trying the same. And stoped after few seconds. Are you kidding me? And there are people using this peice of crap seriously and even call this production? Screw it. My brother will have to learn to have VMs in Linux.5
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Last nite, one of my projects started crashing with a ClassCastException because it couldn't cast a string to a boolean, inside an if. This is Java. You can't even run a project if you evaluate a string inside an if. Has anyone seen such a thing before? I'm running BBQLinux which at least for me it has a lot of permissions issues and somehow things got so f'd up that it even messed up the Android image to a point that the compiler couldn't find a method to set a string into a TextView. I'm not kidding.1
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How do you make the browser download a file within a front-end JS framework?
You render an <a> with the data and fire a click event. Not kidding. -
Workflow? More like chasing answer from a community that is not, and never has been, famous for its pedagogical skills. So hand me some coffee, weed and/or some snacks because I'll still search high and low, skip sleep and build up a few hundred pages browsing history so that in the end, I'll reach the understanding I'm looking for anyways. Even if whatever person trying to help me - in their delusion that I already know everything, except for that thing I'm asking about of course - really, REALLY just failed at saying "that goes there because of that" instead of "did you try insertSomeAppropriateRandomNameOfAThingYouAssumeEveryoneKnowsHere..?".
But who am I kidding? The tools are better than ever (IDE'S). The pedagogical skills are getting its own arenas to build on and its coming along greatly (coding block apps, treehouse and the likes etc. etc).
And no matter the struggle, I can't escape that I love coding and learning more than anything else.
Now how do I.. Where.. When.. Why the.. -
All I want from Instagram reels is cringe creators dancing around producing more cringe,
But no, it has started to show me videos of people getting killed/slaughtered/slashed/shot these days.
I'm not even kidding, everyday it shows me a video of someone getting killed in a car crash, gang wars where someone gets shot in the head, someone splattering their head on the ground falling from a good height.
That too in full 4K quality, no pixelation or censorship.11 -
Think I'm being punished here...
first, the windows 10 update screen showed up... waited for that shit to finish... once finished, I thought, "that wasn't bad..." Then, THIS next screen shows up... "you've got to be kidding me!" So, it's punishment for not having opened the laptop in a while. :P
Yeah, it will be a wish come true, when Microsoft figures out how to do all this in the background... or something... so it's not painful to wait for updates to complete.
End of rant for the day.
2 -
I need a package repository and I find jfrog artifactory. Seems great, except the OSS version is utterly useless. The pro version is overpriced, and does not support s3 buckets and the Enterprise version is >25k/year, just to store a half dozen npm and PHP packages on s3 storage? Are you fucking kidding me???
How can companies justify this much money for a package manager?9 -
Hi So I need some solid advice from you all wonderful people.
I think i am now ready to look into job side of this world, but have lots of doubts , read my story.
I have been learning android for last 2 years. Most of the time i have been trying to understand how stuff works in android , but i have also gained a few other skills ( python programming, kotlin/flutter basics data analysis basics, testing, some graphic designing, aweful web dev ,etc). But i really want to work with Android. I don't have any specific Salary figure in mind, but i guess my knowledge is better or atleast par with most of the good android developers.
So i want to know how is this fresher/placement thingy work?
1.) GETTING KNOWN? : How can i make some good android based company aware that I am available for hiring? Should i start emailing every android related company that i know of? Should i start listing my profile on recruitment sites like linkedin or internshala? This year it is being said that companies will come for placements. From the status of my college, they are going to give me way to less $ , nd i know am not going to like any of them, but i guess i have to sit for them too.
2.INTERVIEW OR DIRECT PLACEMENTS? A little pre-context: i am currently starting my 4th year in clg. Afaik , 4th year isnt that strict and their can be leniency in terms of attendance. But my college is a place full of political cun*s in the name of directors and HODs and I don't know if they are again going to enforce the old 75% mandatory criteria. Plus if the company is from a different state/country , then my attendance would definitely not suffice.
So mainly i am unsure if somehow a company hires me, i would be able to start immediately. I heard that there are interviews for job recruitment after which the candidate is binded with an agreement to do some months training followed by permanent working after college completion.
This type of agreement is very much suitable for me, since from what my friend tells me, trainings can be lenient and understanding regarding exam preparations nd stuff.
So what do company usually chooses? Binding a fresher on immediate working basis or do they consider graduate completion?
Also, i suck at competitive coding. Do i need to polish myself on that or some company is willing to give me chance on the basis of my other skills 🙈(okay, no kidding , that's a serious question. I need to either work on getting better in competitive or build more apps based on that)
3.) ANDROID OR EVERYTHING? From what i have heard, working as a professional fresher is more like being an allrounder than being a domain specialist. But as i already stated, i really dig android and that's no small framework. I may di other stuff too, but won't interest me nd my output might be less efficient than expected.
So freshers can really be asked to do any stuff? Or can i still be in the area i like being into?
4.) COMPANY OR START-UP? Yeah, this is a general debate starter. Ignoring the business side of the conversation ( job safety vs more salary, experience, etc) the thing that's most important for me is the presence of a team. I want someone to assign me a task, whose vision i could follow, from whom i could learn, and some other people who are supportive and doing the same amount / similar work that am doing . This is so much import8 for me that i can easily ignore other factors for a better team. I once took a call from a startup ceo who hired me, a 2 month old android beginner at that time, as the "lead android developer"
But if am being on a team where i am supposed to do any random stuff that is assigned, then obviously this whole point of "visionary, helpful leader, guiding team, "etc goes moot9 -
Why does Microsoft Open R Client use an outdated version of R?
Why is their updated Open R 4.0.2 not compatible with their own olapR package? Are they just kidding me???1 -
!rant
For years, I've been putting myself back whenever I got an idea to do something, because "what would people think?"
But, you know, there's only one life (unless you believe in reincarnation, that's fine), and I'll do whatever the fuck i want (that's legal and doesn't breaks moral/ethics, to each their own)
So...I just got an idea, decided to put it down and publish it.
It sucks? Maybe, but I don't care, it's done and out, I'd rather want to live being seen as a fool than die hiding myself.
https://youtu.be/gF3O6a0MSa8 -
I wonder is our customer's tech somewhere here.
Dude, you're great... Not... Just kidding. You are awesome!
ROFL:) -
Firstly, I'm not a dev, and I don't play one on telly. But I would like to say that I am qualified to tell those gits at Microsoft that I'm just this side of seriously laughing myself into the Moscow Suburban Branch of Are You Fucking Kidding Me With a Pages-Long instruction tutorial that even Jesus Christ would read it and tell the Microsoft writers to go fuck themselves, and he would put a word in with his Father to personally keep these wankers VERY FAR out of Heaven.
I'm specifically referring to the sound on my laptop being fucking lame. And I don't wish to attempt to add up the time I've taken to read and then attempt to implement the procedures, only to find they were complete bullocks. These were supplied on the microsoft answers website.
I click on a playlist. It sounds heavenly. I stop the playlist and put a pair of headphones on and insert the doo-dad Koss sent to me gratis as an adapter. Silence. Click on 'troubleshoot sound problems.' Sounds emanate from the headphone!. Repeat. This is throwing my toys out of the pram, I admit it.3 -
WOAH MOMENT
Just realized 3 most important symbols in web development, maybe programming in general.
1. / the root
2. ; semi colon your old nemesis
3. ~ where you live
You should not be here if you don't understand, just kidding but seriously they are very important.
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