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Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.
Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.
Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---
Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...
Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...12 -
I once met a very cute client. Inner me was saying to go and get this girl. But company's code of conduct is completely against it that an employee shouldn't ask his/her clients out with you or date with him/her. Even my colleagues knew me as a man of criteria. So I leave
.
.
.
.
.
the Code of Conduct and now she is my gf. :)12 -
My first job was a statistical program that i wrote during a trainee at a local IT department.
My boss liked it and told me I could keep the sources and the copyright.
Then he made some phone calls and helped me to find my first clients.
Since that time I am working on the same program.
I founded a software company and have a good life now.
My old boss retired some years ago, but some of the team are still there.
From time to time I visit the department having a coffee with old friends.
That trainee was nearly 30 years ago.12 -
TL;DR: Clients are dumb.
Client IT Lead: "Your code isn't working on our website."
Me: "Because you didn't load our code into your website. Do that, and everything works."
CIL: <proposes terrible alternative>
M: "No fix on my end will matter if you don't load our code into your website."
CIL: <more disagreement>
M: "Let me discuss with my team and I'll get back to you."
... later that day, in a follow up meeting with client's team ...
M: "Load our code into your website as was initially intended and everything works fine."
CIL's Boss: "That makes complete sense, and I'm not sure why we weren't doing that from the beginning. Let's make that happen, CIL."
CIL: "Okay."
——
👨🏽💻🤷🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️7 -
This one guy wanted a website to sell illegal drugs or something. Oh and he only offered $20 for it. Obviously I didn't take it.
There was another guy who wanted a calculator in Python. I'm not sure why, but I think he was a student who wanted someone to do his homework. He offered $250 so I took it. Once it was done, he didn't pay and blocked me.
I quit freelancing about two months ago or something since I was sick of it. Most clients are disrespectful.20 -
PM: “I need to you build a responsive web portal for our BaaS clients that is clean and responsive. I’d like you to use Node, CSS Grid and ES6 for it.”
Me: “Sounds like fun.”
PM: “Make sure it works in IE8.”
11 -
One day a client sent me gifts and a sweet letter just because they loved their new website so much. I just about cried. I work in an industry where acknowledgment and thankfulness by clients are extremely rare. 😱😭8
-
Today I had a reflection with an client and they surprised me with a present. They wanted to thank me for the hard work and effort I made.
Wauw! It just keeps me motivating to work hard and keep my clients happy!
4 -
I used to do some freelancing and one of the main clients I worked with had a project they hired me for that used Drupal. I fucking hated it. I thought it was bloated (and slow as fuck), unnecessarily complex, and just all around a horror to work with.
Even though that was many years ago, from other devs I've met, it seems like Drupal never really got much better. One devops guy who worked at the previous company I was at told me about some benchmarks he had done on Drupal in his previous work. The performance results he got were an absolute joke - awful concurrent performance and just a brutally slow CMS.
Needless to say, since that freelance project, I've never used Drupal again and never will.17 -
Clients love to use the word "Broken" (or synonymous word).
Client: The program is broken. Fix it ASAP.
Me: Ok, give me some details so I can help you.
Client: No, fix it. *Becomes an ass*
Me: Alrighty then, let me sit here doing nothing for a couple of hours. Then say that I tested the code against your original request, and it's working as intended.
Client: Sounds good.
(Pretty sure that's how it went)2 -
Classes are classist.
Objects are objectifying.
Race conditions are racist.
Foreign keys are xenophobic.
Functions are ableist.
Thin clients are weightist.
Bitmasks perpetuate heteronormativity.
Code beautifiers promote unrealistic beauty expectations.
Test-driven development is victim blaming.
Forced commit pushes are rape.
Motherboards perpetuate gender roles.
And don't get me started on white space.9 -
How not to give support..
Me: Creates ticket on support site, letting them know their webservice returns "maintenance" page.
Support: "It works on our end."
Support: *closes ticket*
Euhm.. excuse me?
Me: Creates another ticket with a screenshot and the curl response information..
Support: Sends screenshot back that it works on their end. "Maybe check your firewall"
Support: *closes ticket*
I ain't playing these games..
Me: Creates new ticket with more curl responses from 4 different servers to prove it's not "firewall" related.
Support: ..
2 days later
Me: Sends *friendly* reminder.
Support: ..
6 days later
Me: Creates ticket again saying I'm still having issues.
Support: "I'm forwarding this to our technical support"
Support: *closes ticket*
10 minutes later.
Technical Support: "Here's the manual for our integration .pdf."
Excuse me, you say what now? I KNOW HOW IT WORKS, I'VE WRITTEN THE INTEGRATION ALREADY. THE SERVICE JUST SEEMS TO BE DOWN FFS.. pls..
Me: Sends mail to their project manager who manages the clients dossier with support history and such.
Him: "I'll check it out and let you know."
1 day later.
Support: "We had some issues this and that, wasn't publically availble, works now, .."
What a nice way to waste your time..6 -
Holy fucking hell!
Who the fuck sets up a local network with an 255.255.0.0 subnet mask and then lets the dhcp-server distribute clients onto the 192.249.x.x., 192.2.x.x and the 192.22.x.x networks AT FUCKING RANDOM???
I need to SSH onto 40 routers distributed across the entire campus and have a WORKING internet connection while doing so and you make me spin the connect-disconnect-wheel. Fucking hell dude, don't give me that "Uh, it wasn't intended for this size"-bullshit. You have about 200 active devices. And in one subnet you have space for more than 60 000. Fuck you, dumbass! OH, YOUR FUCKING LIST IS FUCKING WRONG AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE IP OF THE ROUTERS? OH FUCK YOU EVEN HARDER!!!
Goddamn people why does legacy maintenance always suck so much?😭😭😭4 -
Going on a vacation, so notify all clients that I won't be available during two weeks.
Client: well we have this huge presentation and here's a list of stuff we absolutely need for it
Me: sure I have a look.
Me: holy shit dude! That's gona take about 2-3 days. I'm leaving soon!
Client: it's realy critical to have them in a week as it's a very important presentation! Is there any way you can make it work? If we can do anything to help, just name it.
Me: well I'll do my best (planed 1 day for such rhings)
Me: *pulling a 15h day*
Me: here, all done budy! Did a 15h but now it's done, so do that presentation!
Client: oh, nice, but it wasn't that urgent
Me: ...
Next day:
Client ssh in to the server, fucks shit up
Client: well I did a thing and now stage and prod is fucked, can you do anything?
Me: (knowing it will take 30min to fix) well... I try my best. Btw. I'll leave in a few hours and won't take my computer, so try not to fuck every thing again, okay? -
84 hours. Took alot of coffee and adderall. Had 5 projects with reasonable deadlines until mother fucking hurricane Katrina decided it wanted to be the best cocksucking blowing bitch around and knocked power out for two weeks. I managed to get 3 projects finished before i passed out for a day but two clients got pissed off cause their projects were late. They were pissed off even more when i had to pull the Forced Majeure clause cause they wanted to be bitches and didn't want to pay for my work
TL;DR: Hurricane didn't kill me so deadlines tried6 -
Was scared to take up freelance work because i was scared of bad clients.
Finally took one today, client is not a total arse and knows exactly what she wants me to do, down to details.
MFW.
5 -
Boss: Give me unrestricted access in the system.
Me: It's dangerous. You might break something.
Boss: I'll be careful.
Me: *gives access*
This happened 2 years ago. Now every week he deletes something he shouldn't and break a module for him or for the clients using our system.
Just woke up in a rant email saying that "oUr OnLiNe StOrE DoEs NoT wOrK". Well, that's because you have delete the Cart configuration for all the clients you dumbass. What the fuck were you thinking when you deleted that?16 -
I actually took the time to explain to a recruiter that java != JavaScript... He told me they were similar enough... I put it in terms he'd understand: "If you want to make money, you need to understand that they are not similar. If you keep saying they are and send your clients a dev with no java experience, you'll lose clients. if you send devs to a place that's looking for something they don't know, you'll lose devs. Your pitch reeks of desperation and you'll be out of the business within a year unless you actually start listening to the people who know the tech."
I almost felt bad, but... He kept pushing when I said no, haha.4 -
So, our clients missed their internal deadline this weekend so we as vendor were also forced to work for the weekend and implement new features in a very short period. I implemented new features and my project manager stayed to support the testing and sent me home as I already had tickets bought for the movie.
As someone who hasn't done any developing in a long long time he even tried to implement some changes and complex JavaScript dom manipulation that they asked during testing so that I could be with my gf.
Few hours later he called me and with a sad voice said he is simply too slow and needs my help after all . I came and we stayed until 00h and solved everything. He paid for the movie and taxi.
The thing that impressed me was that he was willing to took over my job so that I wouldn't break my deal.
Best project manager ever!
P.S. Yes my gf went alone at the movie and yes we are still together xD4 -
My local ISP was saving their database backups in an unprotected folder which was literally domain.com/backups
When I downloaded it contained thousands of their clients data.
Reported it to them and got 2 years of internet/tv services for free.
They wanted to hire me but I was still studying in my first year of uni in another city.7 -
REST clients today can use upwards to 1000MB of memory. This leads to a poor experience for people who don't have access to high power machines, such as those in developing countries. So I built a REST client that uses ~60MB.
Introducing Nightingale, a fast and resource efficient REST client for Windows 10.
Let me know what you think! Looking forward to your feedback 🙏🏽
https://microsoft.com/store/...
30 -
Client: why hasnt anything been done for the new site?
Me: because you never paid for the last one thats been put into production
Client: yeah but that was a smaller simple site. I need this one up and done already
Me: it'll be worked on when I get paid for my previously worked time for you.
Client: but that was a month ago. I don't understand why you are asking for payment now
Me: because you never paid me for last months work!!
Client: but its may now
Me: holy shit, -clients name-, I know very well what month it is and dont need a lesson. I also know better than to work for free. I have bills to pay just like you and everyone else so until you have paid the last invoice, I'm not lifting a finger for you. That includes answering your calls
Client: oh well why didnt you just say that to begin with
Motherfucking fuck people are horrid and dumb and make me violent6 -
One of our clients deploy their own server app. So this happened after a prod deployment. (4am)
*Cellphone rings while sleeping*
Client : we need you on the conference call now. URGENT!
*Gets on conference call*
*Client explain the problem*
*Explaining to the client that the problem is in their side (https connection not working, either network or certificate problem)*
*Client doesn't believe it and pushes me for a fix that I have no control on*
*4 hours later in a heated conversation*
Client : ok problem is on our side. We used our SSL certificate from staging with production and thought it would work.
Me :
5 -
client: the math on this investment calculator you made is wrong.
me: ok, how is it wrong?
client: one of our salesmen sais it not calculating correctly.
me: that's fine. i just need an example, or the corrected formula to use.
client: on this other website we put in the same information and it comes out different.
me: ok, let me investigate... this other site adds a fee every month so the output is different. If i turn that off the calculations are the same. would you like to add a monthly fee field?
clients: no, the calculator is working how we want then.
repeat 5 times at 3 month intervals.
client: the interest calculator is broken again. didn't we just fix it?
me: it was never broken. your people just can't math.3 -
Without even talking to me, why the fuck did you announce that I would be taking the project manager role. Who the fuck wants to do that monkey job? What the fuck is fucking hell wrong with your fucken brain.
You bloody piece of shit with masters from university and can’t handle fucken projects and client’s. Clients are complaining to me about you. Whole day looks for women to fuck during the night while we are dying virgin over here. Fuck you and I wish your dick falls apart.9 -
My biggest pet peeve at the moment is people without any development experience using version numbers.
Me: "Communicating a release date for the feature towards clients is dangerous, we have a developer shortage, and currently don't really have enough capacity to..."
Manager: "What we release next month doesn't have to be perfect, it is just a v1"
Me: "You mean it's a beta? If that's the case, could you maybe differentiate the requirements of the beta, let's call it a 0.1.0, versus the 1.0.0-rc, the release candidate?"
*Feature is eventually merged into production, barely in a beta state*
Manager: "So I have some ideas for the v2"
Me: "You mean 1.0.0"
Manager: "Let's compromise and call it v1.5"
Me: "Let's compromise, you stop communicating release dates, AND you stop using version numbers..."
Manager: "That's not a compromise..."
Me: "...I wasn't finished... And I won't respond to the recruiter who just offered me a better paying job"5 -
tl;dr stupid clients with their stupid requirements.
Client: (on Monday) hypothetically could you implement "A"?
Me: (on Monday) yeah I could do that by Friday, let me know if you want me to start it.
Client: (on Thursday) hey remember we talked about "A" well do "B" instead and I'll need it by Friday still.
Me: "B" is completely different than "A" and will take probably twice as long.
Client: but you told me you could do it by Friday.
Me: ............ I want to smash your face.4 -
Phone in my cubicle goes straight to voicemail when someone calls. Boss wants me to get it fixed so clients and he can reach me.
Yeah, I'll get right on that. 👌2 -
Clients can such cheapskates, client asks me for hosting options, I suggest Webfaction ($10/m), decent service, storage etc. Client goes and buys ($20/year) hosting, storage space 2GB. Client has 2.9GB worth of emails. Now am charging said client ($110) for migration.4
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Ok, so I don't work yet and so I've never had to deal with any clients but based on the rants i have read this is how stupid I imagine most of them are.
Dev: Hey, would you like a chocolate bar?
Client: Yeah, sure.
Dev: here:
*hands chocolate bar over*
*client holds it in his hands, opens it and eats it*
Client: Tastes great
Dev: Ok, nice. So about the payment of the project...
*Clients face is swollen and he falls to the ground*
Dev: uhh, what are you doing?
Client *coughing*: Were.. were there nuts in the chocolate bar?
Dev: uhmm, yes. didn't you look at it?
Client: why didn't you tell me??!?!?!? I am allergic to nuts!!
Dev: uhh, I didn't know that. But srsly, did you not look at the wrapping of the fucking chocolate bar??!
Client: I am going to sue you!! You will go to prison!
Dev: Fuck off *leaves the room*
Image of the chocolate bar:
5 -
Normally when someone calls in and I pick up, they either don't call from an authorized number and get mad when we I don't give information, ask for advice and then say that it isn't logical and ask for a different answer or are just stubborn as a motherfucker.
Then I suddenly get a call from someone who I can verify easily, listens carefully to my answers and thanks me in the end.
Where can I get more of those clients?!15 -
Fucking moronic clients like these make me want to drop the project, needless to say I dropped the project immediately. I know it's highly unethical but fuck it.
On top of that I was doing charity work by charging 1/8th of my usual rate and this fucking idiots thinks that he is teaching/spoonfeeding me for his project, moron, I made micro library for that much amount of money.
Loss is loss and integrity is integrity..
15 -
FUCK!!! FUCK IT ALL. FUCK YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY BULLSHT UNDOCUMENTED AND OUTDATED API.
YOUR DATABASE SERVER BACK-END HAS TO BE THE ONE MANAGING THE DISPLAY DATA FOR ITS WEB AND MOBILE CLIENTS. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND, DAMN IT.
I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE ALL DAY HARD-CODING ALL YOUR SERVER'S INADEQUACY.
MAKES ME WONDER DO YOU EVER USE DESIGN PATTERNS OR APPLY DESIGN PRINCIPLES? DRY AT LEAST? DON'T FUCKING REPEAT YOURSELF, DAMN IT.
I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE FOR GOOD.6 -
Our working hours are from 9 to 6 which is the standard in Malaysia (I'm not malaysian )
Yesterday I came in around 10AM and my boss took me to his room as soon as I arrived.
Boss: If you were in school and you come late what do you expect to happen ?
Me: get punished, I'll compensate by working an extra hour today.
Boss: well our clients aren't available at your extra hour and I'm struggelling with a big client you're supposed to ship the rest of his site and golive today and he's freaking out
Me: yh well his site is done it just needs final QA before going live.
Boss: oh its done already?, cool cool. Anyway you shouldn't be late you're not Malaysian and being late doesn't run in your genes like them.
*ops manager (Malaysian) walks in*
*boss confused*
*ops manager looks him in the eye*
*boss looks at the ground*
* me giggling while walking to my desk*3 -
When I was in college I built websites for my friends but they never gave me any content. Now, 15 years later I build websites and applications for my clients, and they never give me content. I should have seen the signs.5
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There are things that i wish i didn't see.
Yesterday, i went to a coffee shop to relax and reviewing my works. And suddenly a college friend of mine approach me and we started talking about work.
Me: So, What do you do at work? What's your stack?
Him: Not much of a new. Still working with wordpress, html,css and jquery.
So he started talking about how cool wordpress is and how he generates money doing sites.
Me: Can i see your sample works?
Him: Sure, *opens his shitty windows laptop with Web Tech stickers*. and handover his laptop to me.
Me: Woah. the design is so neat (I'm lying). But it's freaking slow man(REALLY FVCKING SLOW).
* I decided to open the devTools and inspected the source code. And I can't believe what i saw.
- 20+ images with 2~4mb file size
- 13 unminified javascript files with variable declarations that looks like minified.
- CDN's of bootstrap, foundation and semantic UI
- LOTS OF FVCKING PLUGINS
* I didn't told him what i saw. I just turn over the laptop to him and finish my coffee.
Him: My sites are cool right? I have a lot of pending projects right now. Easy money Bruh!
Me: Wow. *sips* coffee. and say goodbye to him and walkout.
I FEEL BAD FOR HIS CLIENTS!4 -
Client: "I did not receive the email that should be send after that event. Please fix."
Me:
* Checks code - ok
* Tests feature in locally - ok
* Tests feature in production - ok
* checks values in database - ok
* 2 hours wasted - ok
"Please help me dear CTO, idk what else I could check or how I should even respond to this."
CTO: "hmm, the clients account uses a adminstrative email address for testing. Let me just check if it is in the mailbox."
*checks* "Yeah, that's the email you're looking for, right?"
Me: *experiences relief, anger, blood lust and disappointment at the same time* "Could you please respond to the client for me, I need a break. Thanks"3 -
What is it with clients who have never even seen a single line of code in their entire lives telling me how long they believe a certain change request should take to code.
I mean, what if I told you that your "seemingly simple enough" change needed an update to 36 class files, 9 oracle stored procedures AND several database schema changes. Also, who the fuck is going to perform a regression test to make sure I didn't break anything? Your Uncle Bob??6 -
Oh you'll love this. A master password to access any user.
Something like:
const masterpassword = <dayABCyearXYZ>
if (password == dbpassword || password == masterpassword) { // allow access }
The best part is this code is available to our clients. They can literally see how this "master password" is generated. And they don't want me to remove it because it's being used by testers.7 -
Fuck those clients which are surprised when they get an invoice when they ask you to do something for them.
I think it's as simple as:
- you know my hourly rate
- you ask me to do some work for you
- I give you an estimation
- you agree with the estimation
- I get the job done and show it to you
- you accept the edits/solutions
- I send you an invoice with less hours than estimated
- you agree with the invoice and pay
It seems that every step is going well, except the last one...
Well... fuck you too.13 -
Ugh, fxk. I got a promotion, I'm now a team lead for 4 developers, and I fxking hate it.
They never asked me if I wanted the position, they just threw me into it this week. They ripped me away from the team I had great chemistry with and put me on this other team with people I have no connection with.
To make matters worse, I'm also responsible for production servers of the clients of this team, one has malware even.
On top of all of this, they made me move desks for a new developer to fill my spot.
How do you demote yourself? Why would a company want someone to perform poorly (on purpose, I don't care) than to just keep their employee happy?
/end rant14 -
I love how some services have trap pricing, pretty much like drug dealers of the interwebs.
Me: I would like to send e-mail to my clients.
Company: Sure bro, here, take our service, you can send emails to all your clients, just 5€ per month!
A year later
Me: I have now over thousand customers, I would like to send more emails and implement some new features.
Company: Thousand customers you say?
Me: Yeah
Company: All in our servers you say?
Me: Yeah, thanks for the great service!
Company: Sure, no problem. We can enable you additional services for 40 000€ per month, half of your liver and two of your first born babies.2 -
A few months ago, I decided to let go some old clients with bad behavior and/or bad projects, since I noticed this was affecting my mental health (lowering my self esteem, make me feel depressed, anxious, etc).
I was exhausted of doing miracles in projects without git, build files, staging enviroments (yes... you can imagine), and receive all sort of curses when sudenly something stopped to work.
I set some requirements to work with any new project/client: 1) project needs to be under version control, 2) it must have staging enviroment, 3) I must work with build files.
As I still have contracts running, I'm communicating this to clients as soon as I finish my obligations.
Today, one of these clients told me they are leaving to work with another developer.
Reason: They said my new requirements are unreasonable and they prefer doing the old way.3 -
App nearing completion. Code tested, everything's working fine. Ready for release.
The client just calls me and tells me that they have decided to turn the app into two separate ones. Should not be a problem, you developers must have some tricks for that, according to the client. Of course, the release date remains unchanged.
Clients!, finally understand that there's no secret button for turning an app into two separate ones.5 -
Client: How's our B2B data lookup platform coming along?
Me: All done, your clients can now search by first/last name as well.
Client: I just search "fuck" as first name and 5 results came up, our data is not cleaned up properly.
Me: Fuck
Client: Fuck2 -
Hating WordPress is cool these days, but:
1) Shitloads of themes for clients to choose from (I'm not good with designing and where I live you are more likely to meet a unicorn than a front-end developer that can code).
2) Non technical people can understand it's admin interface without lots of explaining.
3) Huge community makes it extremely easy to find answers even when looking for pretty specific stuff.
For me it's a valid option when making something simple.18 -
>be me
>drop out of uni studying civil engineering
>"self-taught" "web programmer"
>start freelancing in 2010
>Make money, feels good man
>clients keep me busy, feel important
>Code just for the fun of it
>be 2019. Married, code to make ends meet
>lose all interest
>mere sight of the ide makes me want to bash the screen
>have zero motivation
>never get any projects done
>become broke af
>look at old friends on fb. They are "Something".
>look at real software engineers and programmers with education
>realize I am an imposter
>start dropping all projects and studying theory
>become more broke
>start taking "motivation pills" to just start working again
>lose all motivation and pissed at all the real programmers and engineers for their success
>be me on May 20, 2019 at 2:56 AM
Yep, this is the end.29 -
A friend offered me a new job in his company. Therefore I am going to quit my job. I like my current job, but the conditions are shit. Still I like my colleges and my clients. So I feel really bad for quiting.
The Job he offered me is pretty good, well paid and has many benefits for me. I like him and his company and are really excited to work with them. They are expecting big things of me and I'm scared to disappoint them.
Also I haven't told my boss about my plan to quit yet and because we become kind of friends in the time I work for her, it's an difficult talk for me.
😕3 -
Salesperson makes commission on sales, CTO gets bonus for going to out of office meetings, designer gets bonus for every design finished. What does the web developer get?
Answer: "we can't afford to give out bonuses just for doing your job."
There are 10 websites to build in the next 6 months, 3 brand new offices in different states that need it equipment ordered and installed by me, and the other 160 clients who all think their edits are most important.
And to top it all off, every time I give an estimate for the work, boss says "just give it to them." Gee, maybe you could afford to pay me a living wage or incentivize me to keep working 6+ hours a night at home if you stopped giving away everything I build for free.
You lower the value of my work and every other web developer out there when you tell clients that the website I built them isn't worth paying for. If every one of the free sites on my list was just charged the minimum $10k, I'm looking at $200k on this board that could have been used to hire me some help or increase my pay to make me feel appreciated.
I love my job and the people I work with, but when you aren't making enough to pay the bills and you work 70+ hours a week something has to change.8 -
The only hacked sites I had to fix were running on ... [prepare your stomach] ... Joomla.
I'm not sure if there is even one single solid developer for Joomla. This shit piece has more vulnerabilities than a crack hobo infested with pest-ebola-hyperAIDS.
The sites were full of hidden viagra and pr0n ads and links so the crawlers would list them.
Luckily for me, I was able to pursuade the clients in all 3 cases to build a new site from scratch on a different CMS.2 -
Was it it with clients and wanting to restrict the height of webpages?
Client: Can you make it all fit on the screen?
Me: What this particular screen?
Client: Well all screens, some people might not realise there is more content.
Me: What if the screen is tiny?
Client: make it smaller
Me: What if you add more content to it?
Client: Hmm, your the developer.
Me: Teeny tiny text coming right up.18 -
For fucks sake I'm getting tired of this company. We have an app that's been developed on a VERY tight budget with a team and it's nearly completed/basically done few fixes here and there. They keep going to meetings with clients and promising more than the fucking app does! BITCH IT TOOK 6 MONTHS OF DEV TIME IF YOU WANTED THOSE OTHER FEATURES WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT IT IN THERE SOME FUCKING TIME.
And now since I'm in charge of the remnants of whats left, they keep asking me to make demos of ridiculous new features to show to new clients. BUT THATS NOT WHAT THE FUCKING UP DOES AND WERE OUT OF BUDGET!!!
I explain this. Every fucking day. I'm told they understand. Then I'm asked to make a fucking glittery demo with some bullshit features we don't have YET FUCKING AGAIN. BITCH I WILL QUIT THIS SHIT!
IF I SPEND ALL MY TIME MAKING THE FUCKING DEMOS, I CANT FINISH THE MAIN APP YOU FUCKTARDS. STOP PROMISING SHIT WE DONT HAVE!9 -
this.isRant === True
Salute to everyone who can handle clients (the dumb ones).
So the client I'm freelancing for gives me this website and asks me to scrape entries out of it. It had about 45 items. I did that sent the file. Next day he says my file had the wrong data. He wanted data which satisfies X but the URL given was for Y. The least he could have done was to let me know in the first place instead of giving random URL to scrape and then blame me.2 -
A client asked us today to disable TLS 1.0 and 1.1 across their servers.
Its not often that I say this. But this makes me proud. It's a good client. Going with the changin times. I wish all clients were like this one.
RIP TLS 1.0/1.1, took you long enough.2 -
Rant.
So I work in the service desk and the moment and one of our clients use Mac's.
One of the end users called up saying that it was being slow and sluggish.
End user: hi my Mac is being slow.
Me: when did you last reboot it?
End user: last night
*Remotely connects*
*Runs uptime in terminal*
Me: are you sure you rebooted it last night?
End user: yes I close the lid every night...
The up time was 68 days...9 -
A few months back, me and my friends built our own Web Dev firm. I'm the one who talk to clients, customers, etc. and these have been the most ridiculous messages I received from them:
1. I don't like it, but I don't know why?
2. I have an idea! Can we change the design?
3. We want something with more of a `wow` factor.
4. Can't you just copy their logo?
5. But we are also a startup. You must understand that we can't pay the full price.
6. So do you have the file open and ready to edit/
7. Can't you just copy and paste it in?
8. We don't have much of a budget but there are plenty of projects coming your way.
These are just a few of the huckleberryfuck our clients sent. I'm not sure if I can handle them anymore.5 -
My brain is melting.
6 hours straight of just Refactoring without a break.
Technical debt is real, it is a bitch, and so are clients to expect to 'see' changes every week.
Boss tells me we need to balance doing work on things the client can play with and the backend code that does it all... 😧ok....
'TODO: remove sample return and connect to backen' As far as the eye can see.3 -
Client: why do I have to use such a hard password for this website?
Me: For security reasons to protect your content and identity of your clients.
Client: Can't you just use the password that I'm used to? I use it on my banking software, and I've never been hacked so it should be good enough for you!
Me: what's the password that you want me to set up for you?
Client: you ready to take it down?
Me: go ahead.
Client: T ... U ... R ... D. You got that?
Me: ... Yes ...
*sigh*6 -
Our front-end team is pissed at me because they found a feature I pushed last month and claimed they didn't know it existed and how can they help clients if they don't know what's going on with the platform and - I pointed them to the Pivotal story of the feature that they were included in as well as the full changelog announcement I made to the entire team the day I pushed it.
Knowledge is power, especially when it's in writing with a timestamp.5 -
When my idiot technical lead on the client’s floor (where everyone could hear him), “corrected” me in public telling me I should never use parent/child classes and override a method. Instead just use lots of if else statements in the one.
Not just is he a moron, but sounds like he knows what he is talking about if you are a client who knows nothing about coding. So I look like an idiot to our customers and he sounds smart... when it’s the other way around.
And HOW DARE you criticize anyone, even if it is warranted, in public in front of clients. You go in an office and close a door.6 -
CEO: if we would not give new features, clients would be bored and would not pay for tool.
me: but don't you think we should fix buggy old code, that would reduce effort and time that we daily invest in prod bugs?
CEO: I'm not saying we should not fix them but we should maintain the balance which is 80-20. 80% of our work would include adding new features.
😑
Next day in morning receives email:
There is a production issue, fix it asap.
😬10 -
Bout to loose my shit. Fucking hate it when clients push and push to launch the system as urgently as possible. Say they have run through the test version and understand what they are getting and sign it all off. Then come back 2am the day after launch and bitch and moan cause its missing features they thought where there when they weren't part of the original planning and always use the excuse "i have just bought a bunch of marketing, your loosing me money" or "I have an important even with important people that need this tomorrow" and try make it your fucking problem.
Firstly, fuck you
Secondaly, fuck you.
I cant even comprehend your lack of logic.5 -
Mid-Friday: Boss: Start programming this application.
Me: Cool, how will it be setup? what lang-
Boss: Everything's already setup, just start programming in PHP. Check in and make sure it's done by Wednesday morning before 9.
Mid-Tuesday:
Me: Cool, it's done. Had some trouble with connecting our database to the clients, some permissions were conflicting.
Boss: Now I need you to pull it, publish it to our other azure portal, change it to ASP.NET Core 2.1 MVC and install it to teams. Also change the database to MySQL.
Me: I thought everything was already setup.
Boss: things change.
Me: Cool.
*Pulls an all nighter*
Me: Something isn't right...
Wednesday
Me*hasn't slept yet*: It's done.
Boss: Why do you look so tired?
Me: I was working last night
Boss: Well you shouldn't do that.
Me: The deadline is today. only way it was going to get done before 9 was to do it last night.
Boss: Doesn't matter.
9am Meeting:
Boss: it was easy, no hassle, it's up and running.
Me: no hassle?7 -
What kind of polite answer should I give to a client who visited us on Friday afternoon (29 Dec) and expected us to present him the finished website on Monday (1 Jan)?
// 1st Jan is public holiday and we made ourselves clear to every client that our office is closed on both Saturday and Sunday8 -
-Welcome to our entry level positing with Xyz company. I know we told your recruiter we are very hands on with developers. But we aren’t. Also you will be the only developer and there is no team.
-uh…. Okay..
-for the first part of your interview we are going to have you write a program in node that will reach out to our api and sort medical data with our clients.
-so you want me to create something live, and you’re going to be using it before you hire me in the actual work place?
-if it works, yes. Then we will decide on if we will hire you or not.
Wtaf?8 -
Clients are SUCH FUCKFACES!
So me and 3 friends developed a website and logo for an hr company, run by this woman and she loved it
She was our client for GOMC. Now, since it was a "project" she assumed she didn't had to pay for the whole thing....fine I agreed to just getting maintenance, to maintain goodwill and getting some more clients maybe
One day she wakes up and wants half of the shit altered....NOW, after almost over a month..Fucking bitch
She now wants a fucking RAINBOW colored logo...And she added "it must look professional OK?"...The fuck? Now we have to change the cards, letterheads, UI (entirely). Basically everything and doesn't wanna pay for shit
FML11 -
We gave one of our more 'difficult' clients a quote of 30days to rewrite alot of there application. Two hours later we are in a conference call and they have a 'great idea' they will come in for a whole day and share knowledge to speed it up.
For some reason the project manager has decided that it's a good idea for me to be alone in a meeting room all day with 2 people coming in and an 'expert' Skyped in to watch me programming and 'help out'. With all of there knowledge they think it will only take a day...
It's going to be a long Tuesday...6 -
You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.
*After I have finally deployed the requested features*
Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.
Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.
Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?
Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.
Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.
Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*4 -
Hahahahahahahahahha I'm not going to do anymore of your "quick" projects that result in shit pay and drain me out. I got actual fulfilling projects I enjoy working on hahahahah not again "friend". The audacity of this guy to ask me to handle a big project alone while he sits on his ass and gets a 50% cut. He should have paid attention in school if he wanted to be a programmer. All he does is lie to clients that he can code yet runs to me to do all the work. Hahahah let's see how he gets out of this one. Not gonna help you today "friend".5
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The coolest project I was ever involved on, was when we signed a client in Namibia (we were a South African based company). So I was flown to Namibia for 2 weeks to train the clients etc. I spent about 4 days training the client and I had no more work to do. So the client took me out around town and we drank so much on his tab! He even gave me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, because he doesnt drink Whiskey! The best part of it, apart from exploring their awesome country and pubs, was Mad Max 4 was being filmed in my town, and my client took me to see the yard where all the vehicles and props were situated, because he owned that property! So all in all, it was more of a paid holiday than anything else!3
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Too many "web savvy" clients these days. 9 times out of 10 they get hosting accounts which i have to reconfigure. My quote was for coding not sys admin. Do me a favour and dont do me any favours.3
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In Yellowstone to see the eclipse!
No break for me today though, I've got dumb clients to deal with, and I had to wake up at 5am to do a conference call.
3 -
You guys, I think I know what is it....I think I know why I wanted to be a developer.
It started off innocently enough. I was a young lad in IT. Wide-eyed. Absorbing anything and everything I could. Then, the asshole clients came.....
I would put on my best customer service face on, and address the client as calmly and as respectfully as I could. Reminding myself that their frustration is understandable.
To deal with the increased time dealing with clients took, I developed scripts to help me handle maintenance and keep my head above water. I developed scripts to streamline equipment provisioning for big deployments. I developed scripts to handle other technicians who didn't log-off the phone queue and fucked up our on-call flow. I put in place email rules to sift through the bullshit and time wasters.
I became a developer to streamline and make myself as efficient as possible. But the clients keep nagging. The bullshit keeps coming. The other players get in your fucking way.
There is no end you guys.... THIS IS ONLY TUESDAY. I can't script the passage of time. I'm....I'm.... I need a fucking nap.1 -
While I am self employed, my clients can end up like my boss. In this case, one of my clients is the best "boss" I have ever had. We discuss everything from ethics to npm to development to board games. And we still get the job done.
He challenges me constantly to improve, and then we laugh over how we disagree with concepts, frameworks, etc. And we still get the job done.
It's fantastic to have a client who understands that you should be paid for your time, that lets you get what they hired you to do done without micro managing you (you trust me to actually do what you hired me to do? *gasp, shock*), and still enjoys the small talk. Though some of our ethics and society discussions can be rather large discussions.3 -
Fuck these stupid frustrating trends. It drives me fucking crazy. Scrolling a website and sections overlap each other, text flying in as you scroll, stuff fading in, images moving over text panels. FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!! I want to read the content, I don't want to feel sick and confused. Clients - DO NOT SEND ME A LINK TO THIS KIND OF WORTHLESS SHIT, SAYING 'I WANT IT LIKE THIS'.
Used sparingly and intelligently, animation can add to the UX, but it rarely is.
Remember the 90's when lazy designers used the photoshop bevel and emboss filter on every fucking thing, the web was contaminated. Cunts.1 -
Here's to clients who wish to pay "per project" instead of "per month". Man, fuck that.
Back when I was still a novice, I took on a couple of small time projects from clients who contacted me after looking at my GitHub, and they all wanted to pay me a lump-sum for the project. Because I'm an idiot, I thought sure, what difference would that make. Boy was I wrong.
What followed was me finishing the projects well before time but because of the clients' constant reiterations and changes in design and nitpicking every decision I made while creating the websites for them, the projects dragged on for weeks longer than they were originally intended. And I fucking got paid that one-time amount in the beginning. All this maintenance, for free. Even though I had not explicitly agreed to the maintenance part, since they never finalized the specifications of the project, it just never got "done" officially, and all the maintenance part just came under development.
How many different kinds of disgusting does someone have to be to do this? I should've fucking said NO to those terms, but I had to have experience. Well, nice experience that was. Never again. :(1 -
Company: “we need you to engineer this for one of our clients because you’re an engineer and this is what we pay you for.”
Me: “sure no problem”
Company: “we also need you to do a cost benefit analysis, risk/reward analysis, gap analysis and swot analysis for market fit and business finance because we didn’t task anyone else with doing it and since we’re already paying you for this other thing you may as well do this too”
Me: (opens up resume.docx) “yeah I’ll uh…I’ll get right on that”2 -
One of my clients once assumed that paying me 12$ for the domain entitled them a year of content writing and web development.3
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Yuppie clients are utter cancer. You treat me like garbage, stress me the fuck out with constant calls and changes, and force me to deploy manually on a f*cking friday. Your site deserves to be broken. You deserve to be angry. I enjoy your business suffering, you yuppie ass money brabbing retardotron.
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Dear devranters,
Recently, i stopped liking the job that I used to love. not because i got bored of the work, but because of the company politics and drama.
All in all i feel very disrespected and treated as just a pawn to do whatever management feels like. I am tired of being promised things and management going back on them.
I have decided to try to make my own software company. as small as it would be. just anything where I am not anyone's slave or "employee". I want to be the boss for once... and not wait for someone to give me my salary and telling me to be thankful for it.
my main concern is gathering clients. If you can suggest a few ways in the comments id be grateful19 -
Throughout my career I've blocked a total of three toxic clients.
They still find me via email.
Most recently, I've gotten an email simply asking "how does BitBucket work and how can I use it?"
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!8 -
Last October, I was feeling really lost as a student. I posted a rant here (https://devrant.com/rants/1812123/...) as I had no one to talk to. I got a little support, but the advice I got really meant a lot to me.
I buckled up, did some learning and a small project, and today I am the NLP intern at an Organization that has really reputed clients.
Thank you devrant. Thanks everyone. -
My job quickly went down the shitter. A mass exodus happened, with half of top talent leaving, and the other half let go. The gig started out great, and offered me the growth I needed at the time, but sadly, life changes and moves on.
Determined to leave amicably on my own terms, I started looking elsewhere about a month ago.
I got an offer today! It's a perm position to offer stability to my fam, but with a consulting firm, so I'm excited for the relatively consistent change of pace with projects, technologies and clients. After spending years on end working on good projects that fizzled out and never saw the light of day, I'm longing to have my code released to the wild! (Not counting various patches and bug fixes)
Wish me luck!2 -
Clients don't know what they want!
Was handed a detailed report and asked if I could create a webpage to dynamically generate the same thing from our database. Sure its ez ps lemon squeezy.
Simple page and database query. Boom, done. Exactly matched what they gave me.
They ask why some of the data isn't there. Uh well you cunts it wasn't on the original report...so it's not there obviously.1 -
I had forgotten why I hated GoDaddy so much.. until today. It all came back to me.
I have been a GoDaddy customer for over 5 years now. Last year I tried out Namecheap for the first time because someone who was sending me a domain asked me to create an account on NC.
A couple of days on NC and I fell in love with the support and pricing. I started transferring all my domains to NC over the year. (30+)
Now I was left with 3 domains, 1 of them was to expire 4 days ago. but 5 days ago, GoDaddy switched it to pending mode, barring me from transferring to domain or changing any details.
today I called GoDaddy and after a loooong chat, they fucking forced me to renew my domain!! Saying that I need to renew the domain before I attempt to make any more changes!!!
FUCK YOU GODADDY! THIS IS WHY I NEVER SEND CLIENTS YOUR WAY!!!4 -
Me, being a lowly junior dev, had the honor of being in a same group chat with a big corporation devOps team.
Finally ready to play with the big boys!!
*opens chat*
DevOps 1: "so we need to remove the CSS cache from our clients computers."
DevOps 2: "ok, well... just delete the server cache"
*watching in awe as they all try to figure out why it's not working*
This continued on for a while...
Until my boss had enough laughs and giggles and put an end to this stupidity :D3 -
Wish me luck. I HAVE to launch 10 websites (yes, ten) this week and half if not all of the clients don't know their DNS accounts or log ins. I foresee a lot of long nights in my near future. Story of our life, right?5
-
I secretly wish everything at work fails because everyone is so fucking stupid every time it makes me cringe when I have to talk to someone or watch someone explaining something to me.
Everything seems to lack planning and focus, our PMS act more like clients than like managers, its a total fucking mess and I have to clean some of it this week.
It's getting so much on my nerves that I had to open my whiskey for the first time this year, damn. -
Client: I want a new feature for my chat bot. It should be able to rap.
Me: ... k
*monologue: wait u w0t m8*
Also me: Can you please go more into the details? It should be able to rap. Ok. But how do you want it to look like? How "strong" should be the discrimination level, for instance?
Client: It should beat ass, yo.
Inner me -> core me: Let us just ignore him. We won't be able to do it, since he isn't really explaining his needs. "It should be able to rap". We are not wizards.
Core me -> inner me: Chill. We will just use some insult apis, combine it with cleverb0t api et voila.
Me: Alright. I got an idea for it. I can do it within this week. And if you don't like it, I will ofc do some changes to it.
Client: Hmmm... that's nice and good. But within 1 week?
Inner me: I can't do magic and pull that feature out of my fucking ass!
Clients... clients... clients...
0. Don't expect us to be done in a few days. We are also humans. And not fucking machines.
1. Do us (all devs on planet earth. -Microaggression in 3, 2, 1..) a favor and (kill yourself) learn how to request a feature.2 -
Oh boi.
Once she asked me "Why don't we just upgrade the HTML version?" as in "upgrade our system".
There were more such gems from her, but I think this one was the ultimate.
Background Info: We make emails and to support as much clients as possible you gotta go with the real oldschool html 4.1.😒 -
Best: Created my own company and have had 8 clients in 2017. Devrant has allowed me to find a community of fellow geeks. I've used github way more in 2017 than any past year.
Worst: Have had at least 2 ex-clients but I've lived and learned from them. I go on Devrant way more than I should. -
So today a client requested that the domain name in the address bar should be all capital letters because of corporate design. Don't get me wrong, this is a valid request for someone who has no experience in the IT world. But he refused to believe me that it wasn't possible. He even claimed that he has seen it at least hundred times and called me incapable. I don't get clients.1
-
on the first day of christmas my PM send to me
There's a bug in your B-tree
on the second day of christmas my PM send to me
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in your B-tree
On the third day of christmas my PM send to me
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlockd
and a bug in my B-Tree
on the Fourth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Fith day of Christmas my PM send to me
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
On the sixth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Seventh day of Christmas my PM send to me
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Eighth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Ninth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Tenth day of Christmas my PM send to me
Ten Features requested
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Eleventh day of Christmas my PM send to me
Eleven products deploying
Ten Features requested
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree
on the Twelve day of Christmas my PM send to me
Twelve DBs updating
Eleven products deploying
Ten Features requested
Nine interns asking
Eight repos compiling
Seven machines learning
Six deadlines waiting
Five SCRUM meetings
Four clients angry
Three servers crashing
two threads deadlocked
and a bug in my B-tree3 -
I really wish people valued health over profit.
So I joined a company last month and last week I got assigned to the biggest client we have. The project is quite big and there are no deadlines coming up. I was sick for a couple of days and hence could not turn up at the office. Apparently the client called up my manager and went on a rant about this situation. So now I have to work on the weekends to cover up for the missed work while on meds that make me sleepy.
Fuck such clients.2 -
Just finished my third year of my comp sci degree when a friend found me a position at a very small startup. I was asked to build a web crawler to take job postings off kijiji and craigslist and place them in our database for our clients to find. It didn't take long to build (even with limited experience). It was pretty shady. I didn't think i'd have to deal with the ethics of a task so soon in my new dev-life! Luckily it never made it to the live site. After that they got me to work on their android app (not so shady)
4 years later i still work for that company building apps. It's still a small team, and i love 'em 🤙1 -
Clients that add you on Facebook and start asking at 3 AM how their project is going.
No this is my personal life, how about you get lost and call or email me during working hours. -
Why the fuck do managers think beacuse a component has been build by another developer a shit ton of time ago, we can still reuse that fucking code.
For fucks sake, I had to rebuild a whole fucking map component that needed contextual filter and the fuckers just add extra functionality without consulting me. And gave me a tight schedule bc the customer, who btw disappeared for 6 months, will be mad for wasting his precious fucking time.
Fuck these clients.11 -
Ok so to recap, we had shit beginning. We couldn't find client like 3 months and thank god that we agreed that we don't register the firm right away. If we did we would be broke a long time ago.
We found first client and he wanted to build some scrapers with gui. So me being BackEnd developer I created API for scraping (boredom) and my friend created website for that api and I just created gui that displays that site. The project was about 1200$. And since there are 3 of us we splited it into 3x400$.
After that it was again really hard to find clients again. We thought of quitting and just going to uni or something but we really didn't want to and anyways we needed to get money for uni ourselfs if we wanted to go.
So we said that as we are not paying anything and not losing money we will continue as long as we can.
And after we managed to get a hold of it and now we have 2 clients and after we finish them we have 2 more.
So I think the most important thing is that you help your coworkers. My friend who finds clients had a rough time at the beggining as I mentioned. So all 3 of us got together and started spamming people for few weeks. That's how we found our first client.
So now we are running. Not a milion dollar company but we are happy that we are doing what we love and that we have money doing it. We aim higher but we don't want to hurry and screw things up as we are young still.
Also thank you for getting interested after 300 days :)11 -
I dont work weekends ever. And I dont bring my work home with me, once I finish for the day, Im finished. Even if there is a deadline looming or something is due for a weekend release. I will only work when Im in the office. And I wont work extra unpaid hours. All that does is create unrealistic expectations from your employer and clients. I did it once and learned that there was no point and I could have just gone home and it would have been fine. Im never doing it again.3
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It's cool.
I have less than four weeks before I have to have my project production ready
But why not make me waste my time in useless web based fucking trainings for bullshit HR issues I'll never deal with.
"Don't give gifts of more than $100 to potential clients!" Shut fuck up I don't work with clients.
Piss off and let me do my job.1 -
In my wallowing experience as a freelancer I've noticed that almost all C/C++ clients are perfectionist. You just can't please them by getting the job done quickly.
I got a libcurl job from one the other day to scrape data from a target website and within an hour it was ready. I notified the client and he was both amazed and confused assuming it would take the whole week.
C++Client: The code works but you need to take your time.
Me: Sorry?
C++Client: Yes, it works but you used "string" instead of "wstring"
Me: 😊 Oh okay... *converts strings to wstring*
C++Client: And also variable names should be more descriptive.
Me: 😏 *int foobar => int very_long_descriptive_foobar_01*
C++Client: And also use "shorts" for page nums it'll save some bytes
Me: 😕 *int => short...*
C++Client: And also use forloops instead of whileloops
Me: ☹️ *whileloops => forloops*
C++Client: And also use -- instead of ++ in loops
Me: 😤 *for(... i++) => for(... i--)*
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
C++Client: And also...
===> Seven "and also" days later <===
Me: *completed 10 Java projects behind the scene*
C++Client: And also use pthread instead of thread
Me: 😧 It's day 7 already!
C++Client: Oh I see, great job. You can compile and send me the archived source.
Me: 🤩
C++Client: And also...
Me: 🏃💨11 -
A company contacted me about their custom ticket system not working
Then after asking them couple things they just wanted me to look at emails they found stacked and lost in the ticket system archive:
One clients ticket somehow got caught in between updates and hes been answering the auto close notification (each ~3 days because it never got closed) of the system, with ranging from "yes, thank you, I have solved the issue" escalating to "why dont you leave me alone, I have told you, I have fixed it, please stop", poor guy 🤣 -
When my clients expect me to finish the software architecture ASAP and accuse me of procrastinating : Do i really need to explain how thinking works? 😤1
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Ideal job?
The one that give me a roof over my head.
And pays my bills.
And bring food on the table.
And give me a lot of free time for my hobbies.
And avoids me to discuss with stupid clients.
Ok, maybe the last one is a bit unrealistic..1 -
Haha really clients make me laugh!
Yes you can have your website with all the bells and whistles, but sorry it costs money.
Do these people think we live on fresh air, while the reep the rewards for all the hard work we have done for them.
The problem today is everyone wants everything for nothing. 🤔1 -
Well, this’ll get me a downrant and probably a pile of abusive and hateful comments, but I chose WordPress as my dev specialty. It’s in that sweet spot between my own uselessness as a full stack and front-end coder and my clients’ inability to comprehend how to click an “Update plugin” button. So they pay me to do that, plus the occasional “design”, and are seemingly happy to do so.
I think I won something. Not sure what. But my stress levels in my career are consistently at an all-time low. I have lots of flexible time in my day to do work, go outside, get exercise, work on hobbies, network with other people, and be with family. I guess being a WordPress “expert” isn’t all that bad.7 -
Next 3 days I' ll be working on moving our email server to new server because the old datacenter is closing down. Clients are pissed and they are fucking verbally bashing me left to right when I told them that their emails will be down since most of them host their own DNS.
I am fucked.3 -
I can only imagine what goes through clients’ tiny brains. Do they really think: “oh I know what will get shit done, insult the developer, his work, and demand things be fixed while saying the whole system is broken even though they have multiple times in the past demonstrated that it was either me using it wrong or an extremely quick and simple fix. I also have a problem with a few listed items in particular not the whole system, but I’m gonna insult everything.”
Fucking rude fucks! -
Most of us can and have gotten freelance work before, but I've only met a couple of alleged full time freelancers, and the idea has always fascinated me. For those of you who actually are able to pull it off, what's a typical day like, and how do you maintain a steady stream of clients?6
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Fresh internship story (Part 2)
I just realized how dumb my temporary boss really is and how much he loves to command everyone.
I told him that I am going earlier a few days ago and he got pissed lol.
He is someone who thinks he knows everything, but he does not.
He blames everything on everyone else.
He is never wrong, we are always wrong. That is probably what he is always thinking.
Clients who enter the store are precious (makes sense-you have to handle clients well, to get more bucks), but the thing is that he even screams near the clients at us. Besides of that I am new there. Be a little bit more patient, fucking prick.
Imho he is too old for the tech industry.
He loves to use the workers as slaves.
Do you work on a laptop rn? Well... fuck that. He has a new task waiting for you.
He keeps interrupting me every 5 to 10 minutes while I am focused.
Random dialogue from today:
me:"the client did a win10 upgrade and not a regular windows update"
boss:"nope. that is a windows update."
me (internally): should I show him the folder called "Windows10.Upgrade" and the "windows.old" folder both with the same creation date in "c:"? nah, fuck that. he is gonna put himself up again. do not want to have a stronger headache than this one I am having rn. (btw. I usually do not have headaches. I get headaches like once in 5 years, but since 4 days I have it every day.)
I am sick of this.
Today I had the urge to fucking grab his fucking "fuck me please" eyes out and eat them while he hears the explosive sounds his seperated eyes do. I still want to enjoy the rest of my life without going into a prison tho.12 -
I am beginning to hate the relationship between email and my clients. I never thought it would come to the point where email is the worst communication platform I've ever used because some of my clients simply don't know how to use it properly.
I have one client who never uses the subject header in his emails. This makes conversational threads very difficult to follow, and I can't just scan the inbox I have for him. I have to actually do searches on my emails just to find recent conversations.
For some reason nobody knows how to start a new email thread. I have multiple clients that will just take the last email that I sent them, regardless of what it's about, and start a new conversation completely unrelated to the other email by hitting"reply". I end up with email threads that are 60 to 100 emails long and contain many different subjects, which again makes it hard to find anything. Never mind that they've usually put two or three important attachments, or username password combinations, or other valuable information in there amongst all the noise.
Worst of all, I have a few clients and co-workers who insist on starting a new email thread whenever anything about a particular issue comes up. This means that just today I have five separate email threads about the same goddamn issue from the same damn person. Am I supposed to respond to each thread with the same damned information? One of these people is supposed to be both a media consultant and an SEO expert and really should know better. Also, if you do actually send me an email with a subject like "the robot.txt error", please don't give me one sentence about that and five paragraphs about what color you'd like the background to be. That's ridiculous. How the hell am I supposed to find that later? Especially since we already discussed this in the other email that sitting in my inbox.
I swear I am setting up a bug tracking system simply so that my clients can log in and leave me bug reports, and feature requests, and will stop filling up my poor email boxes with what amounts to piles and piles threads that I have to sort through.
For a person who suffers with a form of ADD this is extremely frustrating. Why is it so difficult for my colleagues and clients to write good emails with good subject lines, and reply to the right damn emails?
Am I just being too anal, or does this bother others as well?16 -
Clients that ask you to build X and then when you ask about said details to know everything up front, you get a deer in the headlights look.
I get it, not knowing right away is fine, but 5-6 months later and still "not knowing", being absolutely lazy with no responses to questions or just dumping the work to me to figure out from whatever source material you got it from and force me to crunch to save your ass isn't fun for me and I really don't give a shit about how much praise you give me publicly for the job I did.1 -
me: *starts receiving emails of clients having technical problems and errors and asking for help* wat, im being flooded with all these mails!
me: *sends email to boss* umm... i think im receiving the wrong mails...
boss: nope! from now on, you'll be in-charge of tech support for our clients. good luck and merry christmas!
me: *dies internally* happy holidays to u too5 -
So i just had an interesting conversation.
View source images in comments
So some background. I used to do a lot of Minecraft development and server configuration. And Minecraft being made of mostly 12-year-olds they really don't pay very well. So I moved on from Minecraft but someone reached out for me to do their configuration for their server. (this was about a month ago) and I quoted them 40/hr because that's what I charge for my web dev work. So he promptly declined and I thought that was that. But tonight he messaged me and found a 5 month old post saying how I was looking to do free development work in order to get experience. And here is how the converstion when.
(His name is "Candy")
Candy:
Lol
Trying to take advantage of me with your bullshit $40/hour claims
Which is outright laughable
https://mc-market.org/threads/...
”I am looking for a network to stay long-term with and help/see it grow into a bigger server. (I would expect pay later down the road if we work together on an ongoing basis)”
—
Quoting your MC-Market post.
What do you have to say for yourself? Trying to take advantage of people?
Going to say something else completely delusional or own up to the fact that you were trying to take advantage of me?
I already knew you were, but now I have the hard evidence.
As I am not a stupid person.
Not only did your friend lie, but you tried to take advantage of me, thinking I was stupid enough to fall for your $40/hour bullshit for basic configuration work. MineSaga charges $30.00 an hour on the high. Don’t even try to do the same shit you did to me to anyone else. It won’t work.
Me:I was interested in doing plugin development and learning so I offered my services for free so I could learn in a more real environment. I no longer do minecraft plugins rather I am a web developer and my rate is $40/hr I am good at configuration which is why i contacted you but I am not going to lower my rate because it is "simpler" work. Just like how you can higher a prostitute to wash your car but it would be cheaper to get the kid from around the block to do it. Also not sure what your end goal is here. I gave you my rate and you didn't agree with it. So you should just move on. Plus this is the minecraft world let me know when you get to the real world so you you can pay in big boy money.
Candy:
So your configuration work for minecraft is $40/h as well?
Lol
Absolutely hilarious.
Me:
did you not read my message?
"I am not going to lower my rate because it is "simpler" work."
Candy:
Who were your most recent clients?
Me:
i'm not going to give you that information
Candy:
Because you know you are lying to me with your crazy rates, and if you aren't, that means you have near to no clients.
Yet another lie.
Me:
keep telling yourself that buddy
Candy:
Lol
Good luck getting any more clients.
rip
Me:
?
I get more clients all the time
They just are not in your realm of your minecraft imagination where you can pay a developer 20$/hr
Candy:
I just strongly disagree with the fact that you are charging $40/hour for configurative work
xD
Me:
Okay
But why even contact me? Did you really think trying to "Call me out" was going to have me lower my rates or something.
Just get over it
Candy:
I haven't called you out and overcharging like that to others in the minecraft realm for a significant gain in money for work that is not worth nearly that amount is absolutely delusional.
I would recommend you stop making up false assumptions
Me: What ever you say
I left it at that. There was some more stuff but it was not that interesting so i left it out6 -
TLDR: Scope creep.
Fuck it! I hate scope creep! 2 days before the deadline is due, slip in a little scope creep to bolster your already ambiguous as fuck scope! Of course, more fool me for taking on a project with a scope as ambiguous as this one. Or for accepting the 'just do x and y and your done' as gospel. But then again I enjoy paying my bills and you know, eating from time to time!
Fuck 'em! Fuck Clients! Fuck Scope Creep! Fuck Ambiguity to it's very Fucking core! Fuck it! Fuck me! Fuck code! I'm venturing under my table for a little cry and a sulk, then back at the god-damned grindstone to finish the project and all it's creepy scopy bits before the deadline tomorrow! FUCK!2 -
I know I'm only an intern. But what in the actual sideways fuck. Are clients really this stupid?! They want to push the app into the app stores a week earlier AND add MORE functionality? FUUUUUCK ME.2
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Two years and a lot of money my company has been building a peice of software for a client, I spent the day yesterday talking and watching the client, our software doesn't even come close to matching their requirements. It barely matches the brief my boss wrote and *never showed me*.
The following isn't necessarily a lesson I've learnt, but rather solidified it very much: FOLLOW THE SODDING BRIEF AND ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THE CLIENTS.
Also don't hire low paid devs just because they're cheap because they WILL produce shocking, unmaintiable and unchangeable code.
I honestly think starting this again will be much faster.2 -
I got my first appointment with my first freelance client today as I'm trying to earn some money on the side. She contacted me after the guy before me hasn't delivered in more than 2 months.
Her: So how much do you think its gonna cost me.
Me: Well the minimum rate for a site like this is like €1000. But since you are my first client, I'm willing to do it for €700.
Her: The guy before you only charged €250...
Me: I'm sorry I can't do that. I might get to 500 if I cut some corners, but I can't make any promises.
Inner me: Look where you're 250 has got you... You haven't seen anything in return...
Her: Proceeds to whine about how it's still waaay to much ... And how she will get me more clients etc. (Yeah right...)3 -
Employers and clients think developers come up with genius solutions while in offices, hell no!
Most of the genius solutions come when a Dev is showering, gaming, peeing, pooping etc. So don't fire me cause I am playing Dota 2 on my laptop. Am innovating bit*h7 -
Trying to communicate with a client's former "web guy" to transfer the clients domain back to my client so I can make changes to the design and make it mobile friendly.
He emails me "it's on Wordpress, so it's already responsive"
Go to double check on iPad and my phone. design is unresponsive... -
Me: "So, this is a new way to show to your clients the daily menu using a QR Code and..."
Client: "I like it. I wanna buy it."
Me: "What?"
Client:"This QR-thing. I wanna be the only one using it"
Me:"But you can't buy the QR Code technol..."
Client:"Don't bother me. I want it. And when I want it, I get it. I can pay, you know."
Me:"Ehm......Oooook."
Me: "It's 10$ for every QR Code that we, and only we, will create! But, hey! Shhh!!"6 -
!rant
Lovely and thankful clients do exist!
Last week the client of our last project came to my desk to shake my hand and thank me for my well done work. Keeping in mind that I'm a junior dev and our company has around 3000 employees I was really flattered :)1 -
So I found a thing. On my laptop, I am able to create a hotspot. So someone can connect to it and I can share my internet access. Couldn't I theoretically impersonate a wifi name, by setting up the hotspot to use the SSID of the target network, then the clients that already have access to the target network would feed me the network credentials? If so, how would I go about capturing the creds?12
-
made a prototype and showed the demo to clients. They asked me where it was stored and how to access to the code. Told them where it was stored was was a trial and it has expired. Asked me why I didn't pay the subscription. Also asked me if I could send them the code, for them to "try using it" and "implement it in their office". Told them if they wanted to use the program, it needs to be done again (since this is a prototype). 3 days now, no sounds from the client.9
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A week ago, the team that hired me asked me to fix the s**t they made when they hosted around 30 WordPress sites in a single Bluehost shared server. Several of those were multisite installations. The server eventually gone down because of the load. And the most disturbing part was they were taking money from some of their clients to host the sites, in stead of not having a reseller licence. The server was going down quite frequently so I suggested moving some sites to another host or another server. They asked me to do it, but when I asked for the permission to edit the nameservers, they asked me to make a subdomain and point it to the new server. Which was kind of impossible because the new host was already having some subdomains and it's not easy to work with sub-sub domains. So, on an open statement they said that I am unprofessional and not fit for work. Before that they disturbed me and bursted on me when I was off working hours. -_-8
-
Team: * hands over release to QA
QA: Release broken. It doesn't load any entries from the test system.
Me: Not possible. It works perfectly fine in our environment and we haven't touched that logic in weeks.
A couple of days later...
QA: It seems that we accidentally deleted all the entries from our environment. We'll apply a backup.
Team, clients, air wasted to keep these people alive:
5 -
As a dev, I never want to personally talk to Clients anymore.
I had this Client for whom I developed a website for a tool he was making. I did the front-end work, did the backend, added the shop and everything he asked for. I showed him everything so he could see for himself what was done and how it all works. He went ahead and tested the finished product to see if there were any bugs.
He came back to me and wanted a call on skype and I joined the call. He shared his screen to show me that when he resizes the browser, the content of it gets bigger and smaller according to scale. I worked so hard to get it responsive and whatnot, and he tells me that it is doing what it is supposed to do. I die inside every time I think about it2 -
It has been months that I am not working productively. Probably almost a year. I am not sure. Especially development related work. I would only start work at the very very late last minute (mainly because of clients and deadlines) and the outcome is usually very poor. Something is definitely wrong with me.5
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I'll just start off with how I really feel. Fuck big corporations with their career robots and retarded practices!
Now for a story. So I work remotely for most of the time nowadays, since my company has as clients big corporations. Used to be embedded with said clients, but it became kind of painful to work with them all so I asked to be reassigned to a remote position.
Now for the retarded part: The fucking Klingons I'm working with have two tiers to their VPN, but won't let me have the full version because it would be too fucking expensive. I checked and it's fucking 50 bucks per year difference.
So for that the Klingons are making me code through a remote connection that has a "best effort" priority.
Fuck.
Anyway after 3 weeks of writing code at a 400-600ms latency I finally snap.
I try to use a proxy and it. I write one myself, gets balcklisted in 2 days.
After about another week of writing code through a fuck straw I start working on node socket with 2 clients and a server that encrypts the send data, and syncs 2 folders between my workstation and the remote one.
It's been a month now and it is still working. It's not perfect, but I can at least write code without lag.
Question for you peeps: What shenanigans have you pulled to bypass shit like this?3 -
This log says way too much about me as a person.
Happy new year devRant! May the bugs be few and the clients plenty
3 -
My 12 year old bag, now with graphics, goes with me to client meetings and acts as a deterrent for clients talking shit/fake knowledge or cliches.
3 -
Boss: we need to standardize the CMS we use.
Me: well 90% of what we build are custom Wordpress deployments...
Boss: yeah but Wordpress is best suited for all our clients.
Me: well yeah, I know...we could use Django or Rails and give the clients more customized solutions...
Boss: yeah but not all of our developers know those frameworks, and they require maintenance...
Me: -_- we could really use Jekyll for most sites we build
Boss: yeah, but what about our clients that want a blog?
Me: ...we can build a blog with anything...
Boss: ...we just need to standardize what we use. -
Client texts me ‘can you resend the link to the test page with the video’
My response as not at my desk but remember the page name
Me: Sure it’s ‘website/vtest.php’
Client: i copied the url into my desktop browser and it doesn’t work.
Me: replace ‘website’ with your actual web address.
Dumb Fucking Clients4 -
I was eating my oats happily when, suddenly, Boss called because clients complained data duplication in reports, and asked why I removed DISTINCT in the query. So, I stopped eating and obliged to answer the call because I so loved my work :) <3
How is it my fault now, when the QA just told me to make the data transparent and to not display them distinctly by name?3 -
I can't stand talking to clients on the phone!
One of my first freelancing clients used to talk to me for an hour at a time. I really wish I could have billed him by the hour, it took him twice as long to explain anything and then I'd have to get back in the mindset for what I was working on. The phone is just so disruptive.
I'm so much happier working for a company where the project manager deals with the client's and product managers.2 -
Mom and Dad were proud, when I said I will develop Apps.They helped me to found my own company and arranged some new clients.
My brother is happy with it and is taking CS courses at school.
I've never met people who treated me as a nerd or did not accept my choice1 -
I'm reading (deciphering) the clients notes for modifications to their app and explaining to my PM what they want. At one point, he stopped me and said "How the fuck are you doing that? I don't understand how you can make those connections. Brilliant." 😂
-
My tech debt meltdown is happening right now. We are releasing our huge micro service based product next week with no automated testing of any sort. Our front end clients are relatively DRY. No tests and dry = can't change anything = hacks on top of hacks.
Why? Team lead won't listen to me and has beaten me down so I don't care anymore. If it's broken fuck it.2 -
How in the fuck do you start getting clients as a freelancer? Do I just throw stuff on my GitHub and pray someone hits me up on Fiverr? Upwork won't accept my account and it's been fucking four months of me trying. I took to becoming a full-time designer to push our startup's products to completion but a fucking failure over there too everytime.
Everything is a fucking shitfest and I'm just whining at this point but I needed to take this off of my fucking chest. A good fucking day to you too.8 -
My worst and yet kinda best experience. Internship.
Me: I mean I had this idea of [ this ] but I could never do this myself.
He: You got me. Do this now.
Two times. One time in the job interview as a "challenge" to get the job (model+sculpt a 3D head) and once for a clients website (parallax (from scratch)).
It was hard but I'm glad I made it and learned a lot these weeks.. -
Providing hosting and site management services to clients was the best decision Ive ever made. Now they don't get access to their websites until I get paid.
Getting a managed dedicated server was an even better decision. Allowing me to focus on the development while a professional team takes care of my clients security.3 -
Follow-up on yesterday's rant.
Boss hired dev-ops team to restore data from the broken server image. They said it may be completely impossible. Which will probably make clients want to kill us considering it's an government agency.
I wonder how large the contractual penalties will be considering they are almost completely incapable of working without the system and it's going to be few days until anything will be fixed.
Oh well, since no one bothers me it seems it's currently not my problem and I'm free to code ¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
INTERVIEWER: Let’s say client wants a gif in the EDM design but older outlooks don’t support it. How do you solve it?
ME: Maybe we can try using iframes if outlook supports them and host gif somewhere and use iframes to show it.
INTERVIEWER: Any other solution?
ME: We can probably also detect the email client and just show gif for all other email clients but a picture for outlook.
INTERVIEWER: No but the client wants the gif to show on all email clients
ME: But outlook doesn’t support gifs!!!
INTERVIEWER: yeah
ME: …..
INTERVIEWER: …..
I thought maybe I missed something having been a junior dev and never developing edms. So jumped on the internet after the interview and my second answer is literally how everyone does it. What even was the point of that question? At no point she said yeah that’s a good solution and that’s how we do it in the industry. If outlook doesn’t fucking support gifs then what the fuck kind of solution am I supposed to bring to the fucking table in 5 fucking minutes.7 -
What the fuck is clients' problem? This woman comes to me after one of the last bids I saved and spent on her stupid task! She asked me to come on skype and I said I didn't have the ID and maybe we can go ahead with a phone call or whatsapp call or even Google hangout! She stopped responding to my messages when I had sent her 3 options! It's not like I was willing to back out but hey, I DON'T FUCKING USE SKYPE ANYMORE! What a waste of my precious last but one bid!
15 -
If only this button could make this shitty work week end & launch me in to paradise. I've had it up to here with PMs, clients, sales and stupid people. Any one else? 😖🙋🏼👋🏼
4 -
:/ rant
Lately more and more clients had been asking me to build their sites in Wordpress, wish follows by me asking them why. Their most common answer: - "Everybody is using it, because is easier to use and secure."
Me: (Silence)...3 -
My first gig straight out of uni was on a project where my role required fixing an FTP client to upload files from a clients machine to our server. It was a spreadsheet. VBA. An excel spreadsheet. FTP client. A spreadsheet.
Me: "why are we using VBA for this?"
PM (was a dev 10+ years ago and started the basics of this 'ftp client'): "VBA is great." *Stern face*
Brilliant3 -
Moral of the story: sometimes you've got to take a hit to be better off in the end.
A client asked me to design flyers for him, at first I was hesitant since this would be a stand alone design task instead of one incorporated with development.
He kept asking since he liked what I designed for my other clients (logos, etc..) So I finally said yes and we agreed to a final preview before he would pay me. I had asked him for color schemes, certain pictures, info, etc. but he told me it was completely up to me.
I finished the design, sent him the preview and he told me it was shit compared to my other work and that he didn't want it anymore 😅. I used to get mad as fuck every time this happened but now I don't even bother .
I know many people are going to say "You should have had him sign a contract, bla bla". I know, I know, but you can't let people sign a contract for every small thing, it completely depend on the situation and I prefer to know which of my lesser known clients are assholes so I can quit accepting tasks from them. This saves me much more time in the end. -
I'm supposed to be the introverted, non-people person! But the client meetings I'm in for my college senior project go off the rails into awkward mumbling unless I step in and take the tiniest bit of effort in driving a meeting.
Am I doomed folks to become a BA or other person dealing with clients all day, pls end me now2 -
Not dev related
Worst Team work fail...
I was hired to a Steel werehouse to join a team of two...
One month latter I was working alone while my coworkers spent their time on the bathroom watching manga and playing rpgs on their android phones...
One year latter I was fired, got Hurt because of the heavy weight (Steel weights a lot) and because I was a temp they just fired me (toke me a year to recover)
Two months latter both my coworkers were fired.. Guess that without me the work didn't do itself...
Wish I knew back them they couldn't fire me while I was Hurt...
Oh and I didn't complain about my coworkers because I don't like to talk bad about others...
No matter.... Got a better job latter on and the company lost clients... So fuck you smart ass engineer.... -
Coding was and is the thing that currently feeds me the most efficient way. But it's also what caused to cringe and to hate people the most because of legacy code and immensely narrowminded dimwits aka clients.
But yeah: Coding is love, coding is life. ❤️ -
My company provides its services as web pages and web services to our customers.
Once a year we update the certificate used for the https connections.
I notified the update to the clients that use the web services.
One of them asked me a copy of the public key.
No problem. Open the web site with the browser, save the key and send by email.
One day later the client asked me the public key in a zip file because the anti virus blocked my attachment.
Why the client hates the Chain of Trust ?
He could obtain the public key by them self from the browser or openssl.1 -
I am working with 2 other person in a project. But everywhere they are using their name and not mentioning me. In all emails with clients they cc themselves but not me. I am still thinking if I should bail :/7
-
Not specifically a Dev job, but I did do a bit of development at this wifi startup. It was a wifi shop where we set up wifi for hotel clients all over the US. Anyways, they said I would make great money doing "on call" support, and me being an intern and naive I said absolutely I'd do it. Well 3 months later I was put on call essentially every day and one weekend I was with my mother and it was her birthday. At her party at this nice restaurant, with all of our close friends/family, I got a call. It took me 45 minutes to solve because of how idiotic the clients were, and after that I got 4 more calls equally as frustrating and long throughout that night. I asked for help from employees, the owner, ANYONE. Nobody helped. Needless to say I emailed the owner and said farewell that following Monday.
-
When a client asks us to support IE 6 can we start noting that there are some fucking useless clients out there and that Microsoft is inflicted with more of them than most? The continued existence of IE 6 isn't really down to Microsoft---it's down to their useless fucking customers.
So, let's beat those people with a stick until they upgrade to Edge.
At that point everyone can return to fighting about FF, Chrome and Edge---apart from me as all browsers seem to support cat JPGs.4 -
Client: I want a fixed timescale and cost on this project.
Me: OK, what do you need?
Client: We need to integrate our website with our CRM system, which we're in the middle of rebuilding and don't know what data will be available from it. We also want sophisticated Google maps integration, online sale, digital agreement signing and a customer login section that works as a social network for our clients. And we want it in six months time. And an app. And we want you to pitch for free with some initial design concepts. And we want details of you project management strategy.
Me: Ok... Do you know what you want your app to do?
Client: Yes, it's an app! So how much will this cost me?
Me: D':2 -
Corporate Brainwashing.
I was asked by one of my clients to look in to CRM systems for them, one of their sales guys was pushing for sales force. Which to me was extremely expensive (and continuous expense) for such an old system with old thinking and horrendous ui/ux and totally unsuitable for them. I put them on to a modern fresh and truly great one https://capsulecrm.com/
I think there is a lot of this happening at the corporate level somehow somewhere, when clients tell you that Wordpress is the industry standard and Powerpoint is the only way to do presentations etc. etc.. Its a kind of corporate brainwashing.1 -
As some of you know I work as an occupational therapist and one of my clients wants to ungoogle his phone by installing lineage os on it.
He was asking me today if there are some good tutorials for doing that. He has an Xiaomi A1 phone and he would like to have a german tutorial.
If you know any pls share link.12 -
My biggest challenge was trying to convince my old boss why things need to be done the way I'm saying and not the way he wants (of course, arch wise and not business wise)
After giving up, I ended up going back to collage, studying Masters in Business Administration just to know how managers think, took me two years, and now I'm in my final semester, even though I left my old job, I am now able to handle things in a better way in my current one regardless if I was arguing with general manager, or project manager, luckily clients are not allowed anywhere near me ... -
I haven't felt an urge to post on here in a while just because things have been going so well. But this month, is just not that kind of month anymore.
I'm upset. I'm upset by how I've been uprooted from my routine. I know I shouldn't be that bothered by it and things always change. But what the fuck is this company thinking to be using it's own fucking home baked ticketing system!
WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS THIS SHIT!
Let's go over the issues it has
1. I can't fucking email my clients through it
2. all emails are not recognized automatically. In other words each new email creates a new ticket if it does not have the tracking number attached to it.
3. I have to fucking hunt around in my inbox that is now bombarded by every email that is created for this ticketing system. Slap on a fucking tracking number. And then HOPE TO FUCKING GOD that the person on the other end doesn't erase the subject and cause the system to create a new ticket just for it.
Let's go over Zendesk which they've decided to decomission.
1. I. DON'T. HAVE. TO. DO. ANY. OF. THAT. FUCKING. SHIT.
2. That's it. It's fucking simple
Seriously. They forced me off of my original platform because this company already had a "ticketing system", if you can even fucking call it that, working.
And just if you weren't aware, all of this change happened because my company got bought out. It got bought out by this behemoth company that isn't willing to let me continue using a system; that has been very efficient, mind you, and instead make me use their system.
I. FUCKING. HATE. THIS.
Every fucking day! I have to do this stupid bullshit of emailing clients from my personal work email instead of on the direct ticketing system.
When I first started using this thing I actually thought I could use it to email the clients. For a solid two weeks I was "communicating" to clients through their ticketing system. Only to find out that the entire time those clients were not getting my actual fucking email! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
Then these guys tell me after the fact. "Oh that's strange... We never noticed that you can't send emails through it... We always just had used our work emails."
Are you fucking jerking my chain! You guys have literally been sitting in this slimy pit of hell for so long that you don't even know there are better options out there!
You don't have to fucking live this life!!
I don't think I'm going to make it. Something needs to change. And I know upper management isn't going to do it, because I fought hard to try and keep Zendesk. They are not keeping it. After this next quarter it is officially gone.
I'm trying to think of coding solutions to make my situation better... But I shouldn't have to fucking do that! There are perfectly good working solutions out there, and this company doesn't want to budge because "that's the way we've always been doing it"
I'm going to fucking rip out my hair. -
Every now and then I attend to previews with clients, and almost every time the clients make me think : "they can't be so stupid? Can they? And I start thinking that there should be some kind of minimum brain use time to allow people to wake up the next morning."
The worst part for me : the clients should be engineers... They might even have some kind of engineer degree...
Depresing afternoon.
On the bright side, one of my mentoree handled a denied of service error so fucking swiftly! He's amazing!! -
Ok I need a second post for this week. A tech lead decided to have a one on one meeting with me in public on the clients' floor where he decided to get angry at me (in public mind you) about using too many design patterns and inheritance because that "makes the code too hard to read. Instead use a lot of if-else's like I do." So not just is he an idiot, he did this in public on a floor with people who didn't know programming so now I look awful. I was furious.2
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Right,i consider myself a pretty damn good dev... I can back up everything I say to prove that I'm right on not lying to clients
But I see all these devs who do lie... Who withold data from clients cause it's not great.
And I go to clients and prove that they are lying not doing it right.
But I know saying to them... Oi your current devs are shit fire them ... Isn't a good way to get them as a client
Me and my company are open and honest ... we go all out on all of our projects. I work nonstop. It is seriously baffling the kind of developers are out there and how bad they can be I'm... Seriously just.... Urgh 😖
How should I go about talking to clients without going ... Fire them quick or saying that in a ... More humble respectful way...
I need more clients ... To survive and I don't mind coming across as a dick as long as they understand what's going on and that they are people ripped off by these asshole devs5 -
So management calls me at 1 AM. I have insomnia so I'm still awake... but I know I have to set boundaries, steer away from unhealthy and unproductive habits. I knew that this spontaneous meeting would not be compensated, and even if they wanted me to fix a bug, I'd be too sleepy to do anything really. I needed some healthy sleep. So I muted my phone and ignored them...
But I kept thinking on the call. What did they want? Did they found a bug on production? (We do have clients on the other side of the world.) Would this create a big fight? And of course, if they brought it up, what would I respond? I did feel guilty. I was worried about the company, since my future also depended on it... and my insomnia kept me awake for an extra couple of hours...8 -
Remember, the more "cutting edge" and "thousands of clients" a company has is inversely related to the quality of documentation they have on their APIs and software solutions.
I don't give a fuck about your pretty examples, show me which FIELDS can take which VALUES. It's that simple. Instead, I'm wasting your company's and my own time by spamming support for what should be basic questions clearly outlined in the documentation.2 -
I hate being able to hear my boss in meeting with potential clients. Promising the earth then when the meeting is done tell me we have a week to make it. Not only that but then ask me what half the stuff he's sold actually is and does!?2
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Salespeople telling clients "Your site doesn't need a privacy policy/cookie policy since you don't actually sell anything on your site."
Wrong wrong wrong WRONGITY WRONG WROOONNGGGG!!!!!
Client to PM to me: "Well Jim said we don't need those on this site."
Me: "Well Jim is misinformed, since we use Google analytics, Facebook Pixel, and contact forms, you need to have both a privacy and cookie policy."
PM to client: "We'll find you a template you can use to get started, it'll cover most of what you need."
Me to PM: "we will do no such thing, we can send them a few links explaining why they need these, but they should consult a legal professional and cover their asses for their own business practices. I can provide any technical details they may need like what data the cookies collect if necessary."
PM to me: "well I'll just find something for them then."
*In my head* please just go crawl in a hole and die.4 -
Wondering how many people use git cmd and how many use different git clients.
I regularly use git cmd. I made a transition from clients a while back because I wanted to learn more about how it actually works and it works just fine for me, except when I have to google something I don't remember (like how to revert local commit)
Git clients will for sure do abstraction which can be both good and bad, but I'm wondering if there are any definitive pros for clients.12 -
Got a promotion and had a loose definition of what my new tasks were. I got overwhelmed with being the go-to for project and account managers, and 75% of our devs, on top of my own work I had to complete for clients.
Eventually I wrote up a 2 page document of things I had to deal with daily/weekly and how I don't have time to do my work, so why should I even bother to do it.
We got it resolved, my boss took some of the tasks off my plate (like training the new hires) and allows me to work from home whenever I need to finish up work.1 -
Holy fucking shit are email clients bullshit.
I don't know what happened there but if you thought the chrome-firefox-ie-egde gaps back in the days were sick - let me tell you.. email clients are made by the devil himself. All of them. All of them? Yup. Because he made some of them being owned by apple, working beatuiful and no weird stuff.
But on the same end he made some of them owned by microsoft and their office Studios. They use the word engine to render html emails. Read this again. Read it without starting to cry in agony.
But thats not enough. Let's make some of them use an ie-engine and the mac os variants going to use some webkit based renderer. This way there will be no valid ruleset to make it look good on all of them, isn't this great??
Now this might be hell already. But lets pour more salt into these wide opened wounds.
Let there be Germany and United Internet, owning trash like Web.de and GMX, whose android clients going to work completely different across Android and app-versions!
Once you've mastered these, let me introduce you to gmail. Lets take only the body node of your email and do some fuck up with it, so you have to display a non-responsive variant on mobile.
Now you might be thinking "but there are web-based clients, they'll do good ain't they?" Long story short: fuck you.
Not enough.
Let's go back to ms.
Hey dude lets make it possible to scale up your whole system. So old people can read shit better. And now the funny part: let's make it so that the word rendering engine, rendering emails goes completely mayhem on your mail, so it looks like a completely different thing! (:
If you ever receive a newsletter in your inbox and that shit looks like it's planned to look like.. appreciate that shit. Sacrifice a virgin as thanksgiving for it.
TL;DR:
E-Mail needs to die. I'm doing this for over 2 years now and this shit needs to stop asap.4 -
I told you fucking moron clients doing that "little" change would be complicated and in the worst case it would end fucking up your whole spaghetti crap. A really HUGE spaghetti monster of that you aren't aware because you guys don't know a shit about coding conventions.
*Clients call me complaining about their software is broken*
-Hey, we're in serious trouble. Our users aren't being able to see the proper calculated values. Why that little change had so much side effects?
- I already told you why.
- Can you fix it asap? Our clients are complaining.
- No. Deploy an old copy of the affected modules while you give me a prudent time to refactorize that crap.
- Refactorize?
- ...
I used to work in their place, 3 years later I quit that crappy job and decided to make them my clients. I escaped from the micromanaging thing but I didn't from their ugly practices.
Anyways, I have to fix this shit asap. Money talks, at least until I can find a better client. -
Why is it that every god damned time, i ask questions until i have a clear view of a clients project and flow. I present them this flow. They OK it and everything. I build said flow in an app. And then at the end of the line i always end up with a shit codebase because i designed it to be like the documented flow, but changes were being added (and obviously paid for) all the time. I made such a neat little app. And now it all gone to shit.
Is this just me? Am i that bad at programming or what?!
Stop changing half of the app functionality after the original design is created!4 -
My leader was yelling at me cause i couldn't relate two tables, the first has a decimal(15,5) PK and the second has char(20) as a FK.
WELL TELL ME HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I RELATE THEM YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT ??
Decimal !!! I could not believe my fucking eyes ! And Fuck keeping the clients satisfied!
Well, sorry, i just wanted to let it out.1 -
I landed 4 clients recently, and now my day is mostly me sorting my calendar out for meetings.
Help. I'm suffering from success.2 -
Clients wanted a simple backend to be deployed specifically on Apache. Used PHP. Spoke to them and they were fine with PHP .... Until I delivered the application. Told me how bad a developer I am to not use the MEAN stack. Didn't even pay.3
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Me: Ok, we'll implement that message tech. But since the clients are servers in that architecture and can't speak IPv6 we've to use a dedicated VPN so the endpoint is able to connect to the servers (clients). Since we have limited network resources we should use VPN cert-encryption and send the actual data plain to save at least some overhead.
Boss: Ok! Let's do it!
Next day.
Boss: Hey! I talked to a guy from that message tech. Their encryption is certified. We should use that instead and get rid of the VPN to save the overhead!
Me: *unable to say a word*
What in "VPN in that architecture is mandatory" is unclear?
Well, I assume we'll kill the architecture then... Fun Time! -
TL:DR Company partner screws up and doesnt do job. I start new company and now able to make ends meet.
My friend and me started this company together. Our roles were defined. I would manage the development of stuff and he would manage getting the clients. I did my job. About a year into the company. He goes ahead and partners in another company. Normally I wouldnt bother, but this is when he stops getting clients for us. Our business drops 50% in the second year. He doesn't work but expects to be paid the same salary as me. I'm doing all the work for the clients while he wastes his time with the other company. He manages to make money doing stuff and buys a BMW, while I'm struggling to make rent.
Finally in Dec last year, I plan to start my own company. And i suddenly have lots of work which pays decently well. I'm looking to hire and am not as stressed with work any more.
Moral of the story: if you must partner, make sure your partner is fully invented in growing your company.3 -
Arghhh. Fucking hate when clients can’t be bothered to write an email but instead ring you up and spout off a load of important information regarding a project you worked on last week. When you are deep in another project, and expecting me to give answers. JUST FUCK OFF YOU BASTARD! This twat does it all the time.3
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!rant
Just had a meeting with a client. Client is a local company but they hired a new guy and he is a foreigner. They made a website with us. Since it is a typical corporate website with few pages and just text and images as content, we used WordPress.
The new guy is familiar with squarespace and asked me my opinion on using SS. I don't really find any issue and it was my reply. He seemed surprised and asked me "Wouldn't it be like losing your business?"
I have never considered developing WordPress as my business. Programming is my interest and profession. But my main passion is to provide solutions to anyone in need. In fact, there were many occasions where I told to clients they shouldn't buy our services and recommend other services including competitors.
He probably thinks I'm a strange guy. -
Today I had to write some shitty code that should work on ie in compatibility mode which is like ie in Version 6. I only coded on the clients system and never backed up. Silly me. Every think worked so I continued with another clients project. Suddenly my colleague came in our office and told me that the client deleted my code by accident. I never will keep code on client systems only again in the future.1
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I did a communication and multimedia design study because I was convinced I already knew almost anything.
Ooh the beauty of youth.
But it did help me in the long run, communication with clients and being able to present work with some decent looking presentation and mockups gets the managers all horney as teenagers on springbreak.
Pretty sure thats why I beat some competitors on big projects while their technical skill and team where much better.1 -
@linuxxx I'm about to found a start-up.
In fact me and my buddy with some freelancing contracts. And we are in need of a dedicated server.
Our plan is to host the clients inside docket container.
Technology would be dotnet core and either react/angular/Vue.js, if that matters.
The host will run on arch, because I feel in love with it! 😍
Do you have any suggestions for a provider for us?
Budget between 100-125€
Location: Germany.
Thanks in advance!7 -
One of our clients is a club near my town.
My ex loved to go there.
The club finally asked me to manage the access to the club through the CRM we made for them.
So I could literally let her in for free and none would notice. Now I might even make her pay extra, but who cares... -
Never had a more stressful day of dev in my life. After shooting off about half a million emails today to clients who decide that they want their sites to go live over the long easter weekend (fuck knows why they all want it this weekend) I just need some beer and some Zelda. I love this job but sometimes it kills me1
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The longer I work in my department, the more I grow to appreciate clients that actually know what they are doing. Or clients who have been communicating with us for so long that the emails got a little less strict and formal.
Having a client write something like "I know this mail looks scary long, but trust me, its just a few domain edits, nothing horrible" (freely-translated from my native language) just kinda... Sets me at ease and makes me chuckle.1 -
I got a call from a recruiter and told him I wasn't looking for a job. He told me he was ringing for clients who were looking for people who we well looked after in their jobs and not looking for work!
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Could a freelance dev let me know how they find clients? Not just the ones from sites online and such, but the good clients, 3-4 month projects, proper prices?4
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I just recalled I once had to explain to my CTO what’s the difference between stack and heap memory
It baffled me a little bit, but contrary to what one might perhaps expect, this was a guy who was already making a living off of programming for about ten years selling his software to various clients, so he was clearly competent enough to create software that works, and he had in fact put this startup on its feet operationally with it already being profitable before outside investments were secured
And here I was with my theoretical CS knowledge making zero bucks before getting this job8 -
A few months back I was talking with our web team and we determined a ticketing software would be useful for clients to submit website updates. Rather than request we buy one, because we constantly get told to stop spending, I spent my free time building it out. We tested it and decided it was ready to present to management.
Management tells us that clients aren't going to use something like this (4 fields and optional file upload). The project sits in a repo untouched for some months.
<Time passes>
Company-wide email come in announcing our brand new ticket system for clients to submit issues about our software. Then a second email comes in to me asking why the web team never thought to do something like that and went on about how useful it would be if we had something similar. I link them to the one I built and my notes from our previous meeting.
Manager who told me clients would never use this: Let's talk about this next week and see if we can get people to use it.
It's been 3 weeks and the meeting has been rescheduled 5 times.1 -
Whenever I have my mac crash and corrupt its OS, I just get a backup harddrive and it copies itself FLAWESSLY. I have all my programs, settings, settings in programs and files.
When Windows crashes, and I use the recovery tool, I LOOSE EVERYTHING. The only thing I get to keep are my files, and they most of the time have permission issues after a restore.
Windows is like the toddler that stares out to void of existance and can't do anything but drool on their shirt, while its parents say he's highly gifted.
Fuck me we're able to choose between only a few OS'es that my clients know and allow me to work on but things like this just make me want to go be a chicken farmer or something.25 -
Project manager asked me to directly communicate with our client.
BUT, he told me what to say and what not to say.
BULLSHIT! All of these business "etiquettes" and formalities are just a waste of time for both the clients and us.
If only I could, I would simply cut all these nonsense and just communicate honestly.2 -
A project that is used across our company with multiple clients. It's huge, over 2million lines of code and 116 separate projects. Not a single piece of documentation. Took me three weeks to track down where the authentication occurred with visual debugging and mapping tools.2
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Why do people hate wordpress so much? It honestly fucks me off the amount of hate it gets and I honestly get a little triggered when people give me the "aww people who use Wordpress aren't real web devs" comment? Like fuck off i use Wordpress to make using a site more easy for my clients you daft cunt. 😩24
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So I'm in a scenario I'm uncomfortable, need some encouragement from fellow devRanters. (Looong post)
I've been working at this startup for about 10mths (since I graduated). They have been really good to me since the start, and overlooked some fuck ups I did at first.
But now I've been way more experienced , picked it up really quick. And I've basically redesigned several of their admin solutions and data products. Also, I'm basically their entire data analysis team now. I do backend (node, PHP, MySQL) and analysis for them (stats, deep learning, python, big data packaging for clients).
But seeing as I've moved in their company, and have been consulted on several major decisions, as well as built a really good relationship with some of their clients. I still haven't seen a raise, moreover I've been told that I'm expected to work from 8am to 5:30pm (9.5hrs no overtime pay). Which really pisses me off, since I know I'm worth more than what I'm paid (about 40k a year).
My brother (who's also a dev) suggested to tell them that I'm not happy at work due to this. And quit if they don't react well.
How should i bring this up? Should I really quit? This is all new grounds.6 -
Meeting for a warehouse job, where computer skills were required...
Worked 9 months there.
Me and boss was fired, he had very personal Wird ideias... And cause was a know it all never asked, never researched...
His ideia: take work from the office by giving werehouse employees full access to clients...
Best compensation I ever got by behing fired... And gained my worst enemy. -
User: "help pls! Cant login! Works on my notebook but not on the clients"
Me: "Sure. Have you tried entering your username and password?"
*finally resets password. Problem solved*
ASSHOLE -
No better way to start off a new year than to wake up to message from the boss telling you that you need to start to work even harder because there are projects overdue and clients has started charging penalties.
Of course he doesn't care that there are only two of us (me, a Junior Android Dev and he iOS Dev) and there are 3 projects, all with deadlines in December 2017 or January 2018.1 -
Ok so i got trolled by a company sort of, they gave me hope and destroyed it. I have two rounds of interviews and passed them both, they phone screened me before the interviews and i told them that i have 1 year of experience. Now after passing 2 rounds they mailed me and told me that their clients are looking for 3 years experienced candidate!!! I mean wtf!!! I mailed them and also called them and gave them a scolding, they should have told me that they require someone of higher experience before going forward with my interviews!!! :'( , THIS IS NOT FAIR, also guys can i post my story on linkedin mentioning the company's name? Can they sue me for this?4
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Who the fick asks for BPMN diagrams, Disaster Recovery diagrams and Business Continuity Plan for a SaaS product that is deployed in cloud (Azure) ??
This is a simple app/dashboard that just showcases some data in fancy charts. It shows the data YOU feed. Why do you need BPMN diagram? What am I supposed to put? "Client loads data" and "user sees data"?
I already linked Azure's page on DR. Do yiu want me to copy-paste the contents from that link?
Clients are too much PITA!!!1 -
Hey guys! Can anyone help me with coping up with very low savings? I have been looking for freelance jobs, but I haven't gotten any clients. Any tips or advice that may help me get myself out of this pinch.(BTW I live in India/and am a college student. 21yo.).7
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Is it sad that I look forward to the weekend so that I can actually write some code rather than:
- Helping clients that can’t / won’t read docs
- Explaining to test colleagues that we need repro steps and can’t fix a bug based on “I was doing something and it crashed”
- Writing any regular expressions for another dev where it’s more complicated than ^[A-Z0-9]*$
- Wading through legacy VBA that’s littered with GoTo, global variables (even i, j and k for loops are fucking global!) and all the other fucking lazy shortcuts that save you 10 seconds at dev time and cost you (which ends up meaning me) hours in subsequent debugging.
I love writing code, and I think I’m pretty good at it, so can I please just get on with it?
Fellow ranters, please tell me I’m not alone in this. -
Urgh clients, it doesn't work ? Ok how bout you tell me the error that's causing it and I might be able to help
All I get is it does nothing 😐
And you think I can diagnose a problem that apparently does nothing, from at least 10miles away with no remote desktop 😞 -
Back on my university internship.
I knew nothing about web dev and it was a full stack role. I was taught nothing and just sat down and ran entire solo projects for websites and web apps. Everything was down to me including client contact.
Taught nothing and had to learn the entire stack on the fly whilst trying not to get fired or lose clients. Company had no version control for these projects, no quality assurance/testing, no frameworks or anything.
The first 3 months were not a good time. -
Dear reviewers, feedback givers, coworkers, clients and critics...
There is a subtle difference between constructive criticism and just spewing hate!
One offers advice & points in the direction of a better solution, while the other one makes me value you less, as a human being...
If your comment/review/feedback is:
“I don’t like it, I don’t know why, I just don’t” - please keep it to yourself because it makes us less likely to listen to you when you actually have something worthwhile to say...
Yours,
Any and all creative professionals,
including developers.1 -
Since early 2016 a LinuxDev at my work, pushed me (windows admin) right in the CentOS world. With some practise I had to build a infrastructure to deploy Ubuntu to development clients (laptops with stuff without windows) In perspective I had to migrate this infrastructure to my team (windows admins) and run it there as were this all the time our business. I loved powershell but for some reason I have had to learn Ruby, bash etc.. Now I am the first Admin with some pretty skills in Linux, my workplace comes without any version of Windows. I am flying with Debian, Ubuntu, redhat and CentOS. The finished work from past enabled my team and me to drop fully automated Linux Clients for our developers.
Well last weekend Windows 10 fuc*** up with the creators update and destroyed even my USB3 ports... I didn't even spend lot of my time playing with this machine... So my desk is now running arch.
That day my colleague thought, windows isn't my passion is thanked every week once for directing me in this pretty good world.
Today I am still the first Linux DevOps in my team, but still happy.1 -
Rant/Question
So I had this friend who has his own company, hosting is part of their business. He gave me a VM to host some websites, test stuff and whatnot. Free. I have quite some important stuff on there (personal, and a few demo sites for clients). No backups of my own, because they do nightly tape backups, and RAID accross physically seperated datacenters. Today, he just shut down my VM - for personal reasons (really personal, nothing to do with his company whatsoever, he hates me lately for something I can't influence). He doesn't say weather or when Ill get the data, and gave me no time to pull it. Can/should I go to the police? I just want my data back, but I don't know if I can do anything as it was free (no contract).
Switzerland, btw.5 -
Working for unappreciative fucktard clients who believe they know more about dev than a seasoned professional and try to give me advise on how to approach my work and or solve programming issues. FUCK Sake if you know it then don't hire me you fucktard client.
My best experience is working for a small company and bridging their disconnected systems together using an array of programming languages such as Go, PHP, VB, Batch Script, Javascript and C -
I’m sooo excited when any new frontend JS framework is available. Angular, React, more recently Vue, Svelte. Bring ‘em on. I wanna try them all.
Just kidding…
As long as the tools at hand allow me to get the job done, keep clients and end users happy, I don’t give a fuck.
This meme is actually the epitome of what I hate with a lot of web developers I’ve encountered
2 -
I’m a mobile developer, iOS is my main platform. When I work for local clients, from Serbia and region, in most cases I get design by Android standards, Android native features etc, and they usually don’t have understanding for changing to iOS native features and that is just ugly, less quality UX and frustrating. In my region Android is main platform. Does anyone have this kind of problems? Is this happening at your place? Please share your experience, it will help me a lot with mine fights with windmills!5
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Our clients came from abroad to have 4 days of business meetings and planing about next stage of product development. Of course they wanted to go shopping and to restaurants etc. Obviously they can not call a cab because they cannot say the name even close to its correct pronunciation. Who do you think needed to babysit them? You guessed right - me. FUCK MY LIFE2
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I hate that feeling when I say "I think I could fix it" and eventually accepting that I have to ask for help, and maybe pay for it. That feeling tastes like defeat, and it's the same way people feels when they need my services. I think this should help me be more sympathetic with clients, but it doesn't.
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Well one of my clients called me yesterday and say his Windows is not working properly. I asked what did hi do and the answer was:
- Windows say that there is no more space left on drive C: so I moved the Users folder to D:. I thought it should work fine.
Seriously!? Why are you touching system folders!? You should move Win32 folder to D:. Or format drive C:. What's wrong with you man?1 -
Why do I develop Drupal websites for clients when I know they are going to contact me for any content update? I show them how to add, edit, delete, and I still get content update requests. I'm developing things right now, I don't have time to add your blog post, thanks!8
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!rant
Well kinda, more like first world problems.
I started freelancing almost three years ago, it took a lot of hard work, sweat blood and tears to get this whole thing running.
I am currently in a very good place, have a lot of retainer contracts and the awesome freedom that comes with being a freelancer.
Two days ago I got an offer from one of my clients, they really want to have me on board, full time, it's a small, already established startup company, that has big clients, they want me to go into partnership with them, see still haven't talked numbers but they are very "generous".
the idea is to get me ASAP full time on board and start working on a partnership contract specifying all the small details.
I love being a freelancer, the freedom is amazing, client acquisition is Eons away from being a problem, but I miss the team work, and I miss working on products and building teams, freelancers are kind of a lone wolves.
I love working with these clients, there is a lot of mutual respect, they are very transparent and we really are on the same wave.
This could be an amazing opportunity for the next steps in my carrier.
I'm having a hard time making a decision, I'm basically changing my mind about it every two hours...
I mean I guess I'm planning to open my own company at some point anyways... so maybe going into a small but stable company is the way to go..
What would you do?
Would you take the offer? Or would you keep freelancing?11 -
A friend referred me to a client he didn't have the skills to help. I took the opportunity and proposed a solution.
A year later and several touch-and-go conversations and I finally got a >$10k signed statement of work with $5k up front.
Another year later and lots more gaps in communication and I'm almost done with the project. I figured that since they weren't in a hurry to get the project done that I could count on them not expecting me to work a lot over the holidays and that we'd wrap it up in the new year.
Nope. Suddenly all content is finally showing up two days before a pre-Christmas launch.
Why do clients do this?!1 -
Never have I ever been nervous about a meeting. Clients come to me all the time requesting a meeting. I've had positive reviews ever since I started.
However two days ago I received an email about an interview that takes place in the morning. And I decided to fuck up my fucking beard in tryig to groom it! FUCK!2 -
I'm stuck with Linux using Inkscape and Gimp (cos my boss is a tight arse that's why!) and one of my clients just sent me an .ai file.
**The moment you realise your client is better equipped to do your job than you are**2 -
I provide training for our clients on our company CMS after having built them their sites.
I once had 3 ladies could me in for their FREE training session who were incredibly rude. They I territories me mid sentence to talk about unrelated stuff, spoke over me, were clearly uninterested in learning the system, and devolved the meeting into their own board meeting.
I didn't know how to deal with such rudeness without being rude back long story short they left having learned nothing, too dumb to work the system out themselves and I find ways to be unhelpful each time they ring up to ask for support they haven't paid for...4 -
Extremely frustrated with the release process and versioning system at my current company. Don't know if this is same everywhere or the half ass release managers can't think of a better way here.
Basically for any client raised issue that can't wait for next release are built as a hotfix. However hotfixes are never bundled togather or shiped to other clients. This is causing a vicious chain, two clients raise two separate issues on same version. Instead of fixing them as single hotfix (however minor the issues) we create two hotfix versions for each with only their issue. A week later same clients come back with the issue the other raised. Once again instead of bundling what is now effectively same code we build hotfixes on top of the clients respective branches. We now have two branches to maintain with same codebase. No matter how serious issue, the hotfix is never made generally available and always created on client's specific hotfix version.
Now that was an example for only two clients, in reality we have released five patch versions of a product in last 2 years. Each product version contains about a dozen artifacts (webapps, thick clients, etc) with its own version. Each product version being shipped to various clients. Clients being big banks never take a patch of product even if it fixes their issues and continues requesting hotfix. We continue building hotfixes on client branch and creat ever increasing tech debt. There is never a chance to clean up or new development. Just keep doing hotfix after hotfix of same things.
To top if all off, old branches are still in svn while new in git. Old branches still compile with ant new with maven. Old still build with java 5,6,7 while current with 8. Old still build from old jenkins serve pipelines while new has different build server. Old branches had hardcoded integration db details which no longer exists so if tou forget to change before releasing it doesn't work.
Please tell me this is not normal and that there are better ways to do this? Apologies I think I rambled on for too long 😅5 -
It's kind of unbelievable to me that whenever I ask my clients to share their codebase with me, their go-to response is -
Let me zip my codebase up and share it with you on Google Drive.2 -
How do you balance what your boss wants, and what the client wants?! 😣
We had design and requirement discussions with clients and they said they want method A.
After doing internal design review and writing up documents, client agreed and sign off on it.
However, during last moments of development, I encountered a minor issue in the design and brought the team together to discuss about it.
Boss went on about how his idea, method B would have been better and is what the client wants, etc. Mind you, method B is quite different from method A that clients want.
I explained to boss that his method is different from what the client wants and also what have been documented and signed off.
He told me he doesn't need comments of such from me and they can always tell the client that method B is better and should be the way.
I feel so fucked because we are currently rushing with only 2 days left in our deadline and there will not be a bonus if we are late.1 -
I am starting my web development business and i intend to focus on building mainly custom ecommerce solutions to small and medium businesses or large ones too. I am just about to launch my first project and my client has been great.
Any advice from the pros in the house who have been there done that will be worth more than diamond right now to me.
I like advice mainly on how to find new clients.2 -
A reality that most people are not ready to accept, is that if you work too hard or work too smart as a freelancer, you're going to hurt yourself financially.
I have given my clients amazing code which runs fast, is optimised, and is readable to the point where you can hire a fresher to maintain it.
Doing that has resulted in stable systems but those clients walked away from me and have never come back, means no more money.
But some of the companies I have worked for, I have seen some retarded-ass devs barely able to make a system run and write code, have retained clients for years. They pretty much have a "submit ticket resolve ticket" kinda mechanism.
It's situations like these where it makes me question, what's the point of learning best practices if I'm gonna get hurt financially for it.5 -
So the company I work for assigned me to a new clients project and has already proven to be a pain.
I checked all my emails late Sunday evening and replied to them (saves me the time in the morning) so I emailed this new client who was enquiring when a part of his website was to be done.
Me: I fully expect this portion of the functionally to be done by the tail of the week.
Client first thing this morning: why isn’t anything working you said it would be done.
Me: ...4 -
35 hours straight because screw you clients. Wanting shit right before christmas season.
I'm never doing that shit again, although i got some mad money for it... And in a way got me into node+cloud providers. -
Me: Yay! I’m getting more clients which means more income which means my accountant won’t look at me funny anymore when I say I’m still running a business and not a hobby! Go me!
Also me: I need $1400 worth of project management software subscription for 2 years (to get a discount) so I can manage the Agile workload among the developers and writers. I also need to recover $700 of accidental ad spend for that stupid Yelp account I forgot I had a “free trial” on. Guess I’m still running a hobby for a bit.1 -
1. Fire all of my clients, including ungrateful friends I’ve done free work for
2. Shut down my business
3. Maybe start a new business, or completely switch careers to something more interesting
4. Keep working my full time job which, miraculously, allows me lots of time to keep screwing around with my own career and entrepreneurial goals
5. Keep saving and investing so I can retire and travel well before I have to wear adult diapers and walk with a cane2 -
Show me how you made an http server with an arduino nano and an esp8266 via AT commands from the arduino, the arduino handling the clients.
No you didn't, this shit is fucking impossible.4 -
So our our next role, what we are really looking for you to have is:
- manipulating PM’s so they fight with each other and not me ✅
- ignoring people when they don’t say anything of substance ✅
- practicing music and drums while in meetings ✅
- getting conversational with people strategically✅
- saying no to HR ✅
- confusing clients into doing what I want them to ✅
- dancing while coding ✅
- creating illusions ✅5 -
Was working on a smaller new web project for our client. After 3 months of coding and a working prototype clients projekctomanager randomly asked: And why its a web application now? me: *jaw open*6
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Working on 3 projects solo remotely and everyone wants their changes promptly. Also, I don't disclose to clients that I work for other people. (Being me)
Finished with 2 projects today so gonna Netflix and chill ( I really don't have a gf and idgaf), I need pack of smokes really bad and internet outage just in time when I finally finished, now waiting for more changes eagerly so that I can get paid finally2 -
So i got this service i made for fun and learning. Theres many providers in it for money, not me, only a little (lets not lie to ourselves).
Id just like to have a handful of happy clients to make it pay for itself so i dont lose money.
I have no idea how to advertise or gain clients. Those potential clients i cling with are from US and the server is in EU, and i wont convince anyone to buy something i wouldnt buy myself.
I suck at marketing.2 -
That one client wanted to hire me and a friend for a small 2 month C# school project basically reformatting and redistributing incoming forms. In the last meeting before we were supposed to start the project he told us that it was supposed to be a sharepoint thingy.
We declined as we never worked with sharepoint, not to mention the Clients indecisiveness regarding what he wanted.
The ridiculous part was really that a lot had already been set in stone and we had to find another contract in 3 days time. -
My company design floor plan and some photoshop work for clients.
One project was to resize the image to certain width and height and place it in the center of the photo with padding 40px around.
I wrote an extended script of Adobe to help the design department and process thousand of images within an hour.
My Boss was so impressed and have a meeting with me. He said: "You need to lead IT department and create a system that can detect the client's requirement and complete the drawing with Adobe Illustrator automatically".
Me: Thinking (Meh, I have no knowledge of Image Processing with my poor Mathematics, where can I die with his requirements?) -
Enterprise projects can go to fucking hell. Clients are stupid ass morons. Zero fucking humanity in their money veins. OH LOOK THIS BUTTON DOESN’T WORK WITH OUR PROVIDED SOAP SHIT API. Oh really? I don’t give a flying fuck. Get that fucking soap from the ground and tell your external company to fucking start communicating like human beings. Fuck. A day will come when I will tell the fucking truth and I don’t care if that will cost me a workplace.
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One of top clients, a Designing firm started asking for non-programmer jobs like office templates.
Client sends in .indd and .ai files.
Me: Requests for psd version as I lack tools for .indd and .ai
Cient replied: "I am not used to being asked for png’s to be made when I provided you with an AI file for all logos. I do expect you guys to use a little bit of nouse / imagination and work out that you can create the png yourself from the a.i. file provided. This is something no other programmer asks me to do."
Me: U for real? Why would a developer like me have Adobe Indesign installed in my machine?
pfft.1 -
lifeRant
Quite the day coming up for me..
2 courseworks to finish,
I need to finish the clients app or I won't get payed.
And the icing on the fucking day is that I will find out if my dog will have to be put down..
Fuck, life, why do you do this??!?1 -
My freelancing journey so far:
In Jan, I continued working for an Indian client I got back in November last year. A Shopify app built with Laravel/MySQL stack.
In Feb, I got three more clients. One, who's from Bulgaria, wants a Shopify app built with Laravel/MySQL
The second one, who's from the UK, wants me to convert their Yii2 application to Laravel.
The third one, also a UK client, wants me to integrate a fulfillment center to their Shopify store.
This month, I continued working for the above clients and now the Bulgarian client wants me to work on a Typescript + Svelte application. I'm really excited for it.
So yeah.. Just wanted to share it. I'm not making a point or any joke or something.7 -
My respect for anyone goes up 10x when they mention that they have been a freelancer dev their entire career so far.
Partly because I tried freelancing early on, and I felt ashamed of asking money from clients over and over (they never made on-time payments) and that was the factor that made me jump onto a full-time job for companies.2 -
some old time clients finally decided to pay me, so I had a bit of cash on me (I feel rich, lol).
here's the thing: I am torn in between buying a second monitor and investing in that server i planned to build in a previous rant.
I could just save the money, I dont know if I am being extra right now, I remember when I just had half a laptop screen to work with, now i have a this used 24 inch monitor I bought for cheap now I want to expand with another 24 inch probably. this arrangement will make things a bit comfortable and faster for me but it still wont affect me if I dont get it...........ok I'm talking too much5 -
I have come to learn that when you script nearly everything in your job, what remains are the real pain in the ass clients.
I have told this particular client before that the issue does not lie with our equipment. I have verified while on a conference call with the other vendors that I am out of the equation. They concurred while the client was on the phone.
And yet.... Today, almost two weeks later, I have been assigned a ticket to re-verify our settings and to potentially troubleshoot !OurEquipment.
What hurts me the most is that my CEO is the best boss I have ever had, but he panders to these clients that do not listen to the diagnosis.
I am literally doing the same thing over again. I am not expecting a different outcome. I don't know why others expect a different outcome.
Because of this one example (and other similar ones), I am so tempted to leave an otherwise great company and environment. -
!Question
I see lots of rants here of bosses/clients screaming, imposing their authority, making people work during the night, weekends etc. Is it that common?
In my actual job, the few times my boss screamed to me, I was about "fuck this shit, I'll just do what he wants and go home at the right time. If they don't like it, just fire me. And laught silently when things goes wrong".
I've been afraid to get into the developer area and always be stressed out with too much work to do, people screaming and having to work on weekends.4 -
Flowcharting actual computing processes and using flowcharts to code. For someone who is more visual than logical like me, it helps as guide to code and it also serves as documentation to clients.
-
Best: working on a cool xamarin project for a few months with a very cool client which made me a better dev;
Worst: working on a shitty legacy web - a clusterfuck of technologies, crappy workarounds and even shittier clients for the rest of the year; -
Hey ... Is it possible to figure out the clients path (f.e. C:\Users\...) to a file he uploaded to a website on the server side?
My boss thinks it could be done and wants me to programm it. But I think we'd need a zero day vulnerability in a specific (and probably very old) browser to do something like that... That would be a huge security issue...
Wouldn't it?
What do you think?13 -
1) Give my logical reasoning abilities to my clients and users.
2) Whenever there is a change in project requirements, I should get 24 karat 100 Gram gold coins.
3) Give me 2 more wishes.
4) My code should work as expected on first attempt.
5) Give me ability to learn new technology in just 1 day.3 -
So, we should be done with the redesign project for this site and a while back we got feedback from the client.
Now getting feedback isn't a bad thing, until you get 6 pages of feedback.
6 pages of feedback. It took me several hours to plow through it and check everything.
That was three weeks ago. They now want me to check the entire fucking list again, and then some more.
SERIOUSLY?!
When i started hete i was told that this was one of the easiest clients the company had. Because they see us as the experts. Haha.
Appearently not anymore.2 -
MySpace 😂 lol but no for real back when I was a Psych major people started asking me to make them a site after seeing some random sites I dinked with in my spare time for personal endeavors. I then realized it could be a career, so I switched schools and majors. I enjoy getting lost in the code and doing solitary work. I don't like talking to clients or providing customer support so, yeah lol 😂🤓2
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Companies that pose to be successful and you come across awesome reviews about them, until you try their services out only to find that they have been scamming others. This is a company called Host4Geeks, I was truly impressed by the company until I dug deeper.
It saddens me that companies like these who have huge potential work on providing an awful service while they could earn a lot more if they just provide a better service.
My personal experience was a little different and partially my fault. Someone introduced me to their service and I liked their Reseller service, I tried it out for some of my clients, it was only until I decided to move on that H4G locked down my account and content barring me from attempting any sort of content transfer.
This is Host4Geeks. Beware. -
Our clients VM is so slow it is trying to give me schizophrenia. Any way I can get around it and work on my company laptop itself?1
-
Today marks the second day of me having to build an email template and I never hated anything more in my life than that. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED? WHY CAN'T THEY UPGRADE THEIR STUPID RENDERING ENGINES SO WE CAN USE MORE MODERN METHODS?!? Sorry but I don't want to create an E-Mail and having to pretend its 1995. The table view is so outdated and I'm aware of the fact that some clients support divs but not Outlook (Outlook itself sucks pretty hard but thats another story). I just wanna be able to use grid, flex, etc. to build my template.
I HATE MY LIFE5 -
This may get me some hate from y'all but let me make a confession here.
I have taken away clients from my previous bosses when they made the mistake of giving the client direct access to me outside the company.
It happened in 2019, my manager gave the client my phone number so they could directly call me and assign me tasks. Well, I left that company and took the client away with me. Heck, I even made more money for the next 4 months from the client than the company was paying me.
Again in 2023 when I left my job, I sent out LinkedIn requests to all members of the client's org, hoping that they'd remember me and reach out for projects. Well, 2 months into leaving the company, they did reach out and now I'm making 3X what I was making before.
I'd do it again in the future again and again. If YOU and I partner up to work for a client, I will make sure that you are out of the equation ASAP.
There, I said it. I've done it twice and I'll do it again in the future.6 -
One of my clients requested me to add
// comments
in one small project created using ReactJS.
a very small project that just calls a server to send and receive data.
I'm not sure, what I'm gonna comment in the HTML/JSX section :/7 -
Hey there! I was hoping you guys could tell me some cool and free ssh clients for windows :)
I am currently using putty.
What are your favourite ssh clients? :)9 -
It sucks when you are unable to work on any new features in forever and mainly spend time updating the existing code base, doing visual designs & documenting the application.
Let me please work on a new feature that the clients will use instead of meaningless busy work2 -
Can't believe I miss my old job. Pay more here but works so much more it's crazy, and issues just never die, pages keep happening, too many clients calling our APIs and everything is spaghetti. I don't think my manager will ever promote my as it's tough to perform tbh (atleast for me).
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While I was browsing the server through a ftp client, it froze for a sec and the next thing i notice is that a folder is missing. It was then when i found out the "drag'n'drop" feature.. Ofcourse it took me a few minutes to figure it out and ofcourse everything crashed. Btw, it was an asp.net web application I fucked up..on public..with more than 100 clients...o.o
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So, our App is gonna go live soon, but on QA Test-Users were gone/not accessable.
PM is full edge, since there's a presentation in 30min. Tells me to call the Clients host again (Since they manage the users) so it gets done. And I may not hang up till it is.
Issue is, I already called the dude 3 times within 10min already, and as I call him again, he gets furious (obv.) that I call him all day and nag that that shit geta done.
Good shit, now both have an anger on me. ffs1 -
Google Business continues to piss me off. Just because I don't have a physical storefront at which to receive clients for web development doesn't mean I'm not working in a legitimate business. The fact that there's STILL no option to hide my home address from searches for web developers nearby is just inexcusable. And it's not just me. There are TONS of at-home freelance workers who RELY on organic searches to stay afloat. But Google only cares about people who make decisions about how to run their businesses in the way Google finds beneficial.2
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Background: Got a macbook, A external HDD(2TB) of which +- 1TB was used.
Yesterday i moved all my personal projects from my work laptop to my external, to move to my macbook.
One of my clients(Freelancing) calls asking me to install new hardware, install software and fix OS(Windows 8.1).
I leave work and go directly to said client and he hands over his Lenovo S20 Touch(No CD/DVD Drive).
I install windows 10 and other software from my flash(Already on there)
Good, Everything is ready to go. I go home and finally get to sit down with my baby(MacBook)
Me: *Plugs in external*
...
nothing.
Opens Finder, can't find flashdrive
Check MacKeeper
MacKeeper: VirusDetected
Me: *Pissed*
Client calls.
Client: Hey is everything ok with the laptop, no viruses no nothing. Because everytime i insert a flashdrive it gets a virus and i have to buy a new one.
Me: I installed windows 10 on it, it should be fine with defender now.
Heart: *shattered* YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME THAT BEFORE FUCKER!!
i never knew people like this still exist1 -
Any tips for getting into the freelance game?
I’m a FE dev (React / TS / Next) with a11y certs and 7+ yrs of experience, but am wondering how I can get my first clients freelancing?
I’ve got drafts for contracts and all the legal protection stuff sorted to prevent me getting fucked over in most cases, but am struggling when it comes to getting myself out there and actually grabbing clients.
What tips do you guys, gals and non-binary pals have for someone wanting to break from big-corpa and to go into this new direction?2 -
I've built whole backend for my app (my as I created it for company I'm working in) that's using AWS for storing data about users. I wanted to replace AWS with something custom, easier to use and without any dependency on third parties.
Boss never let me migrate from AWS to this solution because there are not enough clients for the app and he's got a lot of other work for me 😅 -
Just got assigned a ticket from a client, who described their issue with a very informative note that says:
[site name] keeps timing out
This is actually probably related to another issue I'm trying to fix (though I'm sure client doesn't know that), so if I'm lucky I'll be able to figure this out. But it seriously peeves me when clients give us a four word generic problem and expect us to just wave our magic wand to fix it -
Real Estate agent. I'm good with people and I'm detail oriented - that combination has made me a very successful developer & consultant. I'd probably have built out my own real estate sales support tech (e.g. my own web site, apps, whatever) on my own just to have kept up my technology interest. I like the idea of making 3% commission on $400k home sales for basically doing jack shit but schmoozing clients and keeping up with state laws that can be covered in a 40 hour course and taking a licensing exam.
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URGENT:
How an online supplier charge their clients with huge amount >40k monthly in an automated way ? ?
Context:
i am building a huge b2b international online service that will require clients to pay between 1000 usd to 400'000 usd per month.
The system is build on top of an e-payment api (stripe) that enable the system to work based on regular fully automated credit card authorization and capture system.
Everything works fine in dev mode. But when we will move to production, the amounts are so huge that they exceed the max limit of any-credit card, even the corporate's ones.
So that makes me wonder, how automated services (aws, gcp etc) charge huge invoices for their clients in an automated way without using credit cards...
Please help11 -
Plz help me to choose between two offers.
First one is a services provider firm where I would get to work alone on projects for clients. The con is their is no Senior Android Developer's in the firm
Second one is a startup where I will be working with a team on their product.
Points to be noted :
1) I am a fresher
2) both companies are offering me same position (Android Developer ) and salary.4 -
Hello guys, I've posted a question here: https://softwareengineering.stackexchange.com/...
It's a question regarding taking ownership of a project with a apache 2 license. I've pretty much created the back-end part of this back end as a service. Some other colleagues created the Java, ios and js clients, so it's not entirely made by me.
More details in the question itself.
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