So this fucking happened today.

Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*

Me: *opens issue*

"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"

Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*

"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"

Me: *looks at error message*

"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".

😐 😶 😦

Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*

Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*

"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"

Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫

Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.

Did a very tiny migration for a client which would normally be done against our hourly rate but decided to do it for free as it would take me like 5 minutes and it was a very important thing for him and he actually offered to pay.

Fuck it, he'll be very happy, it doesn't take me much time and I know my boss would approve.

Did the migration, messaged the client and he thanked me.

Next day a cake arrives at work with my name on it and "thanks for helping us with the migration!"

Now that's how you make my fucking day!

FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me

Me: *uses HashMap* for a problem to count some elements*

Lecturer: why are you using HashMap?

Me: it's the best way of solving the problem

Lecturer: I haven't explicitly taught you what a HashMap is so why are you using it?

Me: Because I learn outside of what university teaches me

Lecturer: there's another way to do this

Me: enlighten me

Lecturer: iterate through the array using a nested for loop and count as you go along

Me: why the hell would I want to do that? That literally decreases the efficiency of my program by alot

GG lecturer telling me it's a better idea of making my O(n) runtime into an O(n^2) instead of complimenting my code.

Seriously what the fuck is up with the fucking education system. Since when was it okay to teach students how to completely fuck your code up and promote ways of making your code so inefficient?

Client: "This has been broken for weeks! Why is it still broken!?!?"

Me: "Did you tell anyone it was broken?"

Client: "Well...um...no..."

I may be good at my job, but I have not been able to (nor do I want to) develop mind-reading abilities. Now please fuck off (so that I can go fix it).

At the airport.

Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.

Me: No problem

<goes through scanner>

Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.

Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?

Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.

Security: It must be in the spinners.

Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?

Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.

Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.

Security: As I said...

Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.

—————

Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.

Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you

And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.

Fuck you and your worthless bullshit

YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS

IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.

AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.

AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT

AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO

FUCK THE LOT OF YOU

Been getting rejected for Linux related jobs all over for the last few months. Yesterday I emailed a company yet again because fuck it.

Got a call today from their recruiter! Genuinely nice guy and he's going to call me back tomorrow! Let's hope this finally goes well 😄

I miss my old ZenBook with Linux 😔

I mean, the MacBook is great, but it feels like I left my old simple gf who loved me for a Hollywood sexy bitch who doesn't give a fuck

The website i made has been hacked today.

Stored in their server.

They didnt give me an access for it.

The user account in the cms i used for updating content while building the website was revoked when the website is completed.

Now they ask me for the latest backup.

I have no backup because how the hell i do a backup when i got no access to the cpanel.

The only backup is the zip file for initial uploading into their server and the contents were added after the website is on their server.

That goddamn IT guy who wont give me any access for “securty sake” is calling me furiously asking for the backup and how to set up the stuffs from the beginning.

I thought he was the one who know his shit but i was wrong.

Fuck me?

No.

Fuck you.

But i still responding to him telling him step by step how to do shit with some swearing and sarcasm.

ALWAYS BACKUP YOUR SHITS, MATE

WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD FOR THESE CUM SUCKERS TO UNDERSTAND THAT CHANGING REQUIREMENTS 2 DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE IS JUST GONNA BREAK EVERYTHING!?!?
I DOUBLE DARE ANYONE TO TELL ME ITS NOT WORKING TOMORROW...
STUPID MOTHER FUCKER PMS CANT PLAN ANYTHING

FOR FUCK SAKE DO PEOPLE THINK BEFORE POSTING!!!

I got a 3 star review on my app and the user said if I implement feature x he will give me 5 stars, what is even more funny is he is requesting it for free!!

I hate this fucked up miserable world -.-

Mutual on Tumblr: So what distro do you use?

Me: Zorin OS. I really like it. I'm even considering deleting my windows partition.

Mutual: Really? That doesn't count as a proper distro. Real Linux users only use Zorin on a virtual machine. Use Mint or Kali or something.

Me: It counts. It's not different from any other distro.

Mutual: It's okay to be noob. You can always ask me for advice.

Me: But I've been using Linux for about two years. I don't consider myself a noob.

Mutual: If you're using a shitty distro, then you're a noob.

Me: Okay. Thanks for the advice. (In my mind: fuck off already.)

I don't understand the issue with Zorin OS. Is it because it looks like windows or something? :/

Used to work for a company that used asterisk for telecommunications.

Boss asked me to quickly change the call charge costs effective immediately. Finished 3diting. Went to piss. Some douche from sales came and pressed asdffggkl into the code, went down 50 lines and left it there.

Got back. Saved the code, pushed through live without testing.

Get a call three minutes later asking what the fuck did I do. There were already 450 call tickets from clients moaning they couldnt call.

So I went and checked the file I pushed. Tested it. What. Line 460 asdffggkl? What the fuck.

Removed it and boom it worked.

Got called in and said I cost the company four times my salary. Said it wasn't me, I wouldn't make a mistake like that. Told him that it was my fuck up for leaving my pc open, and that it probably was best to lock the screen.

Said I'm lying. Pulled the fucking camera footage and there was the fucker changing my code.

I got pardoned, he got a warning (just a warning). For 15 Min, I thought my ass was fired.

Will never make that naive mistake again.

Coworker: hey man, do you know what is the limit for z-index on CSS?

Me: not sure but I think it is the signed int limit.

Coworker: the waaat?

Me inside: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!

So my friend started a YouTube channel, being the motivational man I am I encouraged him and made him a logo for his channel.

It started here, he called me a bazillion times every single day asking me to make stuff like Channel banners, intros.

He even went so far to call my design bad and that I could do better.

I'm definitely losing my hold on my generosity, it's like this with every single fucktard I help. It's like programmers don't get to have a life, people pitch me stupid ideas at every party.. Having a casual conversation a guy starts talking about an idea.

Oooh... And the worst part they say you can have 60% and just give them 40% 'MINORITY' share for coming up with an idea I could pull up from my arse instantaneously

Next time he asks me something I'm gonna fuck him up or just charge him a bazillion dollars... FUCK FUCK FUCK... REALLY GOT TO BUY THAT STUPID STRESS CUBE

For fuck sake, one small bug and my app immediatly gets a 2 star rating. HOW ABOUT YOU REPORT THE FUCKING BUG TO ME SO I CAN FUCKING FIX IT. MY EMAIL IS IN THE GODDAMN DESCRIPTION. HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO SEND ME AN EMAIL INSTEAD OF A WORTHLESS RATING.

To the people who kept telling me that LMMS (Linux MultiMedia Studio) was shit and you can't produce music with it properly, go fuck yourself. I stupidly enough believed this for years and kept on searching for other good open alternatives: nothing.

Tried it again last night, especially the drum machine since I'm going towards electronic music: motherfucker this thing is powerful!

No need for expensive software, LMMS works awesomely 😃

That moment when the resident IT guy/teacher at your school comes to you at lunch and you look sad.
Me: Hello.
Teacher: What happened?
Me: Batteries almsot dead :(
Teacher: Well, I've got good news for you. I was talking to the school director about you.
Me: Um ... shit
Teacher: We're looking to get you an intership at the company that does networking shit for us (Netcom, anybody?)
Me: FUCK YEAH ... thanks!
*Day brightened by angelic light*

So I was just about to learn Angular for my job. Right after I installed it and initialized the first app folder I was told I don't need to learn it anymore.

Me being happy, right click folder, delete...

Deleting 30.035 files (225 MB)

WHAT THE FUCK

Contrary to most people I really love to receive email related to jobs when I'm in holiday. I keep important alerts on.

It's like:
email: ***urgent, server down***
me (sipping mojito by the pool): fuck them. let's them deal with that
email: ***requirements all wrong, must develop the feature again***
me (enjoying a dinner): oh, I told them 100 times!, fuck all of them, work for me now, stupid moron.
email: I destroyed by mistake the db with an update..."
me (dancing like crazy): ahahaha I told you that support guys should not have access to production db, fuckfuck you, fix it yourself!!!

and so on..... I don't know, it just boost my pleasure during holiday.

Fuck javascript
Fuck css
Fuck even html
And fuck web dev in general.
i can't do this shit anymore.

i've been working in web for ~2.5 years, 4 different companies, countless frameworks, technologies and tools and it feels good having that kind of knowledge and ability to do anything in this field, but god damn. I'm exhausted of "moving pixels" most of the time.

And i know, maybe different company and position would better suit me, but how often do people hire pure breed back-enders ? not that often, at least not in my country. Everyone has to do everything. And even then, php/sql/sysadmin/devops work doesn't motivate me as much. I need something that would make me actually think.

And so i decided to change my specialty, i'm going to follow my long lived dream - game dev (C++) :)

Oh i know, i'm not naive. I know how difficult and hard it is, but it seems like i've finally matured for it. So i've been waking up at 5 a.m and learning for ~3 hours before work for a few weeks now, and plan to go part-time at my work, after a few months (need to save up some money) for ~6 months, to focus on C++

Then hopefully i'll be able to land a junior position. If not, well, i wouldn't be a problem solver if i let that get to me :)

For fucks sake, Facebook....
Why the fuck are you showing me an add for MY FUCKING PAGE!!! I paid for that shitty add and you show it to me?!? Why the fuck would you do that?!?
You know that I'm the fucking admin and I ALREADY LIKED THE PAGE!!!
Get your fucking shit together mate! 😡

Whoever thinks that coding is easy.

Fuck you motherfucker stupid chicken head nugget sized brain faggots. You think all we do is smash keyboards in front of our screen and it poops code and creates beautiful applications? Fuck you in particular.

One of my friend says sitting on computer for whole day is the easiest thing. What the fuck motherfucker.
One fucking string can fuck your life forever. Innumerable hours will be wasted behind one simple fucked up logic. And u shithead say its easy.
Get into my shoes and let me bang your head on the keyboard and we will see how beautifully it poops code.

Stupid people.

The importance of version control. Had a school project at a real company and i didn't understand it so i said fuck it. Then someone asked me to alter the js library a little and push/pull that to the server. I thought fuck it, altered it and accidentally pressed save (automatic ftp upload). Suddenly the file was overwritten (that guy worked on it for 6 fucking hours) and it went from like a thousand lines to just a few. We did restore it from the browser. He said: either you're going to use git or you're out.

Then i started using git.

Dad: What are you doing with your life?

Me: Enjoying it. Can you say the same?

My dad degrades me for my programming because he's from 'that generation.' Fuck him, Imma do what I enjoy, cause I'm damn well sure I don't want to end up like him.

>be me
>it student
>working on group project
>one guy is making the ui
>says he added "date selection events"
>check code

Switch(date.Day){
case 1:
break;
case 2:
break;
//To-Do: add other days
}

He did this for years, months, hours and minutes.
He bragged about it.

Fuck you.
Sincerely, fuck you.

Recruiter called me again after months because he had an interesting position for me.

Something with 'it consulting' since I was 'into it' 'according to my linkedin'.

Fuck of and die.

Fuck windows 10. I log on to start an interview code assignment that is timed. I'm on my computer getting things ready for a solid 10 minutes before starting the test. AS SOON as I start the test, windows 10 informs me:

Fuck you. There's updates and I'm installing them right now whether you like them or not, fucker. I bet you're doing something important too, so I'm not even going to let you schedule it at another time.

Fuck.

I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.

Websites that don't let you copy paste email addresses. Well then, I'll do it using inspector. You're not going fuck with me, that's for sure.

FUCK!!! FUCK IT ALL. FUCK YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY BULLSHT UNDOCUMENTED AND OUTDATED API.

YOUR DATABASE SERVER BACK-END HAS TO BE THE ONE MANAGING THE DISPLAY DATA FOR ITS WEB AND MOBILE CLIENTS. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND, DAMN IT.

I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE ALL DAY HARD-CODING ALL YOUR SERVER'S INADEQUACY.

MAKES ME WONDER DO YOU EVER USE DESIGN PATTERNS OR APPLY DESIGN PRINCIPLES? DRY AT LEAST? DON'T FUCKING REPEAT YOURSELF, DAMN IT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE FOR GOOD.

> Be me
> Buy a laptop with fingerprint sensor
> It has FreeDOS on it
> Install Pop!_OS
> Get excited about using your fingerprint for sudo
> "No devices found"
> Search for driver
> Non existent
FUCK YOU SYNAPTICS

*production is down*
Ops: At 5pm? On a Friday? *checks deploy history* God! Who did the deploy
Dev: It was a small patch, a tiny patch. It shouldn't have....
Ops: Deploy on a Friday evening?
Colleague: I didn't think it would...

Ops (on the outside) : *takes a deep breath* Its okay Dev, we can fix this. Don't worry

Me(in my mind) : for fuck sakes! Are you fucking kidding me?*** **** *** god damn it! *****

Based on a true story that happened right now.

Dad: "how do i download youtube videos?"

Me: "just google youtube downloader and download them from some site, thats how i do it"

Dad: "WHAT!!??? You want me to fucking google it? I dont know how to fucking google for those things, you're the IT guy and you should know how to do this, if I wanted to google it i wouldnt ask you for help. You know what, get the fuck out of my face i dont need ur help, get out"

FUCK WORDPRESS

Ty for your attention, that will be all. It is just annoying the hell out of me.

!dev

Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte

Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.

Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?

B-1: no.

B-2: are you sick?

B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!

B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.

B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.

Me: Walks the fuck away.

Fuck. That. Shit.

The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!

I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.

Me: I've been using ubuntu with i3 for 6 months. Is awesome. Everything works great.
Brain: Have you seen debian or arch linux. They're better than ubuntu. Just try' em
Me: Brain shut up. I don't have time to reinstall everything + I'll 100% fuck my pc up. I'll do it another time.
Brain: Trust me. I know what's better for you. Try it now
Me: No.
Brain: Pleeeeease.
Me: Ok fine.
Me: Now windows doesn't work, debian doesn't work. I need to format my hard drive and do this shit all over again.
Brain: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Hey. Install arch linux.

Fuck ever working for a company that doesn't know shit about the worth of a developer ever again.
> be me
> just got my first class masters in Soft Eng that I worked hard as fuck to get
> get a job for a pretty well known medical company here
> offered a bit less than what I was expecting but fuck it, it's a job straight out of uni doing what I want to do
> fuckitwhynot.mp4
> stay for a year with no bonus programme, no pay review, no objectives, no perks, literally fuck all
> see literally every other position in the company be promoted and actually supported from IT & the developers
> feelsBoomerMan.jpg
> get the hail mary recruiter "you'd be great for this role" linked in DM
> follow it through and go to the interview
> nailed it
> comes to negotiating a starting salary and they actually laugh at my current rate and immediately raise it by about 30% with bonuses, reviews and all that shit occurring regularly
> later virgins

Why the fuck do teachers take points off for coding style. Like really placing my open house brace on the same line as an if is what looks good TO ME. And breaking from a while loop with an inverted condition is nicer than a huge if TO ME. Fuck it I like the m_ for member variables too. And yes C++ usually names functions like someFunction, but I like how c# does SomeFunction. Like shit, it's personal I don't care that I lose 5points every test I do it just to say fuck you

FUCK OFF!! JUST. FUCK. OFF.

I've been studying for around 4 hours and my roommate just asked me "why do you take so much time to study? Reading through it twice should be more than enough"

Simply reading trough it twice he said. MOTHERFUCK I'M NOT EVEN DONE READING THIS SHIT, THAT I'LL NEVER APPLY IRL, ONCE AND I AM NOT A KIND OF GENIUS THAT REMEMBERS EVERY DAMN DATA OK BY READING SHIT TWICE LIKE YOU. PUT YOURSELF IN MY DAMN POSITION YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK

PM: "Why are you absent on a regular holiday?"

FUCK, I JUST NEED THAT DAY TO GET PAID AND REST AND YOU WANT ME TO WORK FOR IT DURING HOLIDAYS?

I hate father's day.

Reminds me of 2 things:

1. My father is a fucking asshole.
2. My ex wife makes it damn near impossible for me to speak to my oldest child. State seems to do the same shit ever other state does to mothers that do this: nothing, zip, nada.

Fuck today.

Me: ya hi, we integrated with your API and I'm receiving error x
Provider: ok we'll disable validation, plz check
Me: ya it works, what's the problem? I used a GUID for id and I'm sure it's unique, here is URL and request body
Provider: you have something wrong in your implementation. Fix it and it will work
Me: aaand what's the wrong part of my implementation?
Provider: id is not unique, fix it. *Hangs up*

I sometimes sit and wonder, how and why does this kind of people get hired, FOR FUCK SAKE YOU ARE THE PROVIDER AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!
fucking useless ...

Fuck you Xiaomi for creating MIUI, damn it's so bloated with non-removable adware to the level of extreme annoying. It Keeps popping up ads from creating a Folder to Playing a music.

Look at that screenshot. It even serve an ad in built in cleaner app, like What the fuck man?! For real? I already disable the serve ads option. But it keeps turning on.

I even messing with the Permission settings, doesn't even help.

I REALLY WANT TO MOVE TO LINEAGE OS SO BAD, but the warranty is on duration. I don't want to void it.

God, give me a patience for another 7 month.

"There is a problem with A, could you check it out? It's urgent for the client"
Me: Okay, just open a ticket for it too.
*Working on A"

After about ten minutes:
"Hey, there is a small problem B and it's also urgent for the client, we need you to check it out"
Me: I'm working on A and you are yet to open a tick... (Interrupted)
"But it's urgent and it's a small fix, we can fix it and push it to prod, A can wait for a bit"
(Since when is it a "we"?)
Me: *sigh* fine, lets see what's B is all about...

*After going over problems C to Z*

"Why isn't A ready yet? The client's mad and it was to be ready as of today"
Me: Because you had problems from B to Z and they were all urgent according to you so after each request you asked of me I had to postpone A with you knowing about it.
"But A is for today!"

FUCK YOU, YOU WORTHLESS WASTE OF JIZZ! YOU RAN TO ME FOR EVERY GOD DAMN URGENT PROBLEM YOU HAD FROM OUR SHIT OF A CLIENT AND INSTEAD OF TELLING ME THE PRIORITY YOU JUST THROWN IT ALL IN A RANDOM ORDER!
FUCK YOU! I WISH YOUR FATHER WOULD'VE SHOT YOU OUT THE WINDOW INSTEAD OF INSIDE YOUR MOTHERS CUNT!

Get this, at college we were told to use PHP7 for development right? All good, PHP7 is awesome and all, so we have to make a big project for college and put it on the school's server... now here's the pickle...

THEIR SERVER RUNS FUCKING PHP5.X

WTF!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? DON'T FUCKING TELL US WE SHOULD USE PHP7 AND THEN DON'T SUPPORT PHP7 FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Fuck I love my job, my boss and I are absolute food fanatics and talk about weird and wonderful things we cook...

He knows I bloody love curry so he brought some in for me to have for lunch and he's bringing me a shit load of fresh grown vegetables...

And to think I chose IT over being a chef.... (Still no regrets)

Why the fuck do people care about age so much?
Unlike other activities, you can be 15 years old and be as good as a senior dev, so why the fuck do you need to degrade me because you found out my age?
I still deliver the promised work, so what the fuck?

As for kids who try to get recognition because they're young and program, well, fuck you too!

Programming isn't about age or maturity, since in this age of tech, anyone can pick up a computer and an internet connection and learn, so why do you feel that younger individuals have less capabilities?

I just had to get that out of me since it pisses me off a fuck load.

HOW FUCKING HARD CAN IT BE TO NOT STORE PASSWORDS IN CLEARTEXT AND THEN PROCEED TO SEND ME AN UNENCRYPTED EMAIL WITH THE PASSWORD IN IT??? THE SITE HAS A PREMIUM FUCKING SSL AND SAFETY CERTIFICATES YET THEY STILL DON'T COMPLY TO THIS? FUCK YOU! IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT I HAD TO ORDER A NEW SCREEN FOR MY BROKEN PHONE, YOU COULD'VE SUCKED BETTER THAN ME + VACUUM CLEANER.

Sorry abt that. But for real, mytrendphone stores passwords in plain texts and waves a fucking safety certificate in your face...

Well I'm on the way to an interview for an IT Management internship at Logitech, wish me luck I'm so fucking scared.
Any tips will be nice because I'm so fucking afraid I will fuck it up

On my linkedin profile it is clearly mentioned that I am a Java developer.

Recruiter: Hey, I want to offer you a super cool PHP job position.
Me: But I haven’t mentioned anywhere that I am familiar with PHP.
Recruiter: Yeah, I know, but I thought you may want to switch to PHP for a while.
Me: o_O. Fuck you, miss. I do not switch programming languages like I change my socks. Who the fuck teaches you these approaches?

What the fuck Apple, I thought selling a monitor stand separately at £999 was bad, £360 for putting fucking wheels on your Mac Pro, fuck me.

I had no fucking clue how to tag this, hence why it’s got 3 categories to it

You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.

What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"

DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!

MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.

my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.

#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!

(Best read while listening to AEnima by Tool, loudly)

Dear Current Workplace,

Fuck you, for the reasons enumerated below.

Fuck your enterprise grey blue offices, the stifling warm air of a hundreds of bodies and sub par "development laptops".

Fuck your shitty carbonated water machines which were a cost saving measure over decent drinkable water.

Fuck your fake "flexi time", "you can do home office whenever you want" bullshit. You're still inviting me to mandatory meetings at 09:00 regularly.

Fuck your shitty, in house, third part IT provider sister company. They're the worst of all worlds. If it was in company, we'd get to give out to them, if it was an external company we'd fire them. And yes, when I quit I will quote the dumpster fire that is our corporate VPN as a major factor.

Fuck your cheery, bland, enterprise communication. Words coming under the corporate letterhead seem to lose all association with meaning. Agile, communication, open are things you write and profess to respect, but it seems your totally lack understanding of their meaning.

Fuck your client driven development. Sometime you actually have to fix the foundations before you can actually add new features. And fuck you management who keep on asking "why are there so many bugs and why is it always taking longer to deliver new releases". Because of you, you fucknuts, Because you can't say "NO" to the customer. Because you never listen to your own experienced developers.

Fuck your bullshit "code quality is important to us" line. If it's so important, then let us fix the heap of shit you're selling so that it works like a quasi functional program.

Fuck you development environment which has 250 projects in a single VS solution. Which takes 5mins plus to compile on a quad core i7 with 32 gb of ram.

Fuck this bullshit ball of mud "architecture". I spend most of my time trying to figure out where the logic should go and the rest of the time writing converters between different components. All because 7 years ago some idiot "architect" made a decision that they didn't have to live with.

Actually, fuck that guy in particular. Yeah, that guy who was the responsible architect for the project for 4 years and not once opened the solution to look a the code.

Fuck the manual testing of every business process. Manual setup of the entities takes 10mins plus and then when you run, boom either no message or some bullshit error code.

Fuck the antiquated technology choices which cause loads of bugs and slow down development. Fuck you for forcing me to do manual tests of another developers code at 20:00 on a Friday night because we can't get our act together to do this automatically.

Fuck you for making sure it's very clear I'm never going to be anything but a code monkey in this structure. Managers are brought in from outside.

Fuck you for being surprised that it's hard to hire competent developers in this second rate, overpriced town. It's hard to hire anywhere but this bland shithole would have anyone with half a clue running away at top speed.

Fuck you for valuing long hours and loyalty over actual performance. That one guy who everyone hated and was totally incompetent couldn't even get himself fired. He had to quit.

Fuck you for your mediocrity.

Fuck you for being the only employer for my skill-set in the region; paying just well enough that changing jobs locally doesn't make sense, but badly enough that it's difficult to move.

Fuck you for being the stable "safe" option so that any move is "risky".

Fuck your mediocrity.

Fuck you for being something I think about when I'm not at work. Not only is it shit from 9 to 5 you manage to suck the joy out of everything else in my life as well?

Fuck you for making me feel like a worse developer every day I work here. Fuck you for making every day feel like a personal and professional failure. Fuck you for making me seriously leave a career I love for something, anything else.

Fuck you for making the most I can hope for when I get up in the morning is to just make it until the night.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK MICROSOFT?!!
I go to log into my laptop:
me: *enter the pin*
Windows: Error
me: Ok let's try the password...
Win: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: *checking my password manager* Nope, pretty sure that's correct... Ok, whatever let's try to reset it.
me: *generates new password and resets the password for the account*
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new password*
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: that's weird... let's try that again
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: Ok... reset once more *I enter the same password I generated before*
Windows: ThAt Is An OlD pAsSwOrD
me: *getting really pissed* FINE, GODDAMIT, HERE, NEW PASSWORD
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new new password*
Windows: wRoNg PaSsWoRd!

jdjsjcjj+3+@!o(€;#@!(&(1!!#((#(€_"jsjeucjcjfdjosdifhshabxnfnxjsosoguwqlqqlall#7@+1(
aaaaaáaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT CUNTS AT MICROSOFT!!!!!1!!!!!!!

I'M GONNA FUCKING TEAR YOU INTO THOUSAND PIECES AND THEN RUN YOU THROUGH A SHREDDER!!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTIC CUNTS
FREAKING DEGENERATES

Woke up this morning with a fuck this shit mood. I need to write test specs for a system I don't know shit about, and it seems no one who work with this system wants to talk to me, so I gave up and started devranting and reading a game dev book. Fuck this shitty job.

My Nexus 6P died yesterday..
A new battery that I ordered for it months ago, arrived.. today.
4700mAh. If only I could've tested it.

This feels so much like it was just to rub it in a little bit further that that Nexus is gone forever.. just before I could fix the first shitstain, the second one occurred already... Fuck me :')

> be me a 23 y.o intern
> two years on self learned MEAN stack

> first day of intern<

> boss: we need you to become an iOS intern
> me: *whut*
> me: *thinking swift syntax is similar to JavaScript*
> me: OK, in swift ?
> boss: No, in Obj-C
> me: *fuck*

> spend 2 days to familiarize with Obj-C
> boss: Here's a bug, solve it.
> me: OK
> me: *checking their code for the first time*
> me: *fuck, fucking huge*
> me: *open up bug related ViewConttoller*
> me: *fuck, 6k lines of code*
> me: *fucking MVC*

> spend 2 hours to fix the bug <

> boss: you did great ! awesome
> me: *heh*
> boss: *announce to everyone* from now on INTERN will take over the project.
> me: *whut*
> boss: here's our roadmap plz implement features

> after 3 months <

> me fixing bug <
> me do feature development <
> me write shitty code <
.
.
.
repeat, life as an intern

Whenever I'm trying new tech at work I don't keep interrupting people ta help me with error messages because ITS A FUCKING NEW TECH AND NO ONE WORKS WITH THAT SHIT!

WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP ASKING ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR FUCKED UP NODE SHIT AFTER I TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE IT? STOP IT!

Is it too much to ask for the dumb ass devs behind Eclipse to fucking let a FRESH install - no plugins yet, open without crashing?

is that even a thing?

Fuck you Eclipse, and companies that make me use this useless pile of shit!

"Eww that is not Dev-related!"
Shut the fuck up. For me, devRant is a social media for developers and not a social media about only dev-related shit.

"devRant is a fun community for developers to share and bond over their successes and frustrations with code, tech, and life as a programmer!"
You see?
"for developers"
"about code, tech and *life*"

For fucks sake... Stop crying around and just dislike it if you don't want it.

*looks for jobs in system administration*

For our client in $location we're looking for a Network and System Administrator ... to manage our local IT infrastructure (so far so good) ... that's Microsoft-based.

Fuck that company.

*looks further*

Requirements: deployment and maintenance of servers, backups and storage, updates, yada yada.. fine with me.
yOU wiLl mAiNtAiN WanBLowS sUrVaR sYsTeMs

Fuck that company too.

Does anyone here in Belgium even work with fucking Linux servers?! Or should I really relocate to the Netherlands to get something decent?!!

Programming made me fucking fat as fuck.

I went to Holmes Place after a 2 month no gym period to get counseling.

I have a whoppin 25% body fat and it makes me fucking depressed.

Fuck sitting in front of computers and programming for hours. Fuck snacks and fuck stayibg up late. That shit is bad for you.

Twitter: gib data plz
Me: What's in it for me?
Twitter: ... Balloon pictures?

Fuck off

"PLEASE COME QUICKLY OUR INTERNAL NETWORK IS FUCKED!
-Uh, mam', could you describe the problem?"
Spent an hour, trying to fix this "network issue". Basic level 1 and 2 support. Can't connect using RDP on the server. No teamviewer either. Unplug, replug everything. Restart the server, the router, the switches. I knew that it was something dumb. I spent 3h on the highway.
To find.
That the fucking.
Ethernet cable.
Was plugged oN THE MOTHER FUCKING ILO PORT! FUCK HP, FUCK THIS, FUCK ME BECAUSE I SHOULD'VE ASKED FOR A PHOTO.

"It's fixed, mam'. Did you touch something when it was working?
-Uh, no, I swear. Also, could you please take a look at our printer? It's not working. It was out of ink so I changed the cartridge yesterday, but today it's not working!"

The cartridge was not inserted correctly.

Then she nicely made me a coffee, thanking me for the fix and asking what the problems were.

Just kidding.

Fuck you you fucking fuck, why would you change an api without any notification?

Background: built an app for a customer, it needs to fetch data frlman external api, and save it to a db.
Customer called: it's broken what did you do?!?
Me: I'll look into it.

Turned out the third party just changed their api... Guess I should implenent some kind of notification, if no messages come in for some time...

Why the fucking fuck is it so damn hard for me to draw a fucking curly bracket?!

All my sad attempts at it look like a 3 that was exposed to lethal amounts of nuclear radiation

I was just testing the Postfix server on one of my mailers, for the hell of it.. EHLO, STARTTLS, all good. Then comes the mail submission part.

MAIL FROM test@nixmagic.com
Connection closed by foreign host.

Right after I say mail from, it just closes the connection! Is it just me or does this feel like the server says to me "fuck off"? :')

Me reading a forum after long hours of debugging and research...
YES THIS IS IT THIS IS MY FUCKING ISSUE!
* Me reading some answers I have tried already *
COME ON GIVE ME THE ANSWER
* Me reading the last answer *
"I was able to resolve the issue thanks for all the answers...
bye"
OP marked problem as solved
FOR FUCKS SAKE GIVE ME THE SOLUTION OF FUCK OFF

After four months of working alone, finally got another developer at work. Unfortunately they hired him as my boss. He came to me yesterday with a new project and told me to drop everything I'm working on for it. I asked him the timeline for it, a week. Why. Why the fuck. Go fuck yourself.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW AT 8 AM AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SLEEP SINCE 12.30 AM. IT'S 6 AM ALREADY, 6 AM!

I guess when they no screens before sleeping they really mean it. I'm fucked, I'm really fucked. I guess I'll stare the ceiling until the alam goes off and accept an awful day and hope I get pumped up during the test or something. Fuck me. I want to fucking SLEEP. Fuck.

I just wanted to install vivaldi before sleeping and watch the last rick and morty episode. Does that fucking make me a fucking night owl? No. I could've use these precious time learning or writing code, or even sleeping, but fuck! I'm stuck here in time, just waiting for fucks sake!

Good night...
OR That's what I WOULD say if I could sleep...

Nothing makes me cringe more that some dumb fuck jabbing their finger at any computer screen to show me what they’re talking about. DON’T. FUCKING. DO. THAT. What makes you think it’s even remotely good for the displace? Do you see it freak out the way it does, that’s not a good thing. Stop fucking doing that!

Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
Fuck me.

WanBLowS: We're adding some extra features!!!
Me: Oh great! Can't wait for it!
*gets up from bed to mash that power button*
Me: DIE MOTHERFUCKER, AND FUCK THAT SHITTY FEATURE!!!

# Who the fuck wrote this piece of shit static, unreusable yet globally used, inconsistent, non-standard mock that breaks whole fucking test suite and makes me cry everytime I correct one thing only to find out it breaks another? I swear to god motherfucker I'm gonna find you and fucking cut you. Fuck you you fucking idiot and fuck your entire family if you still have one though I doubt anyone would ever want you for a son. [going on for a few minutes in my head] #

$ git blame

# well fuck you "me from 2019-11-15 15:30:25 +0100". I fucking hate your guts and I want you to know it #

Welp, fuck that shit.

The boss just called me to tell me d good news that they won't need me anymore...

I made them 1 project for about a year ( + fixing/updating few other projects )

... and that apparently is all they need for now and r gonna back to IT crowd ( read this as 2 ppl IT department )

was fun =]

PM, on kickoff meeting: good code speaks for itself, need no documentation

PM, on UAT day: how does this features work, where is the documentation for it?

Dev: Just do me a favor and go fuck yourself.

I used to get gigs from a freelancing website. Some guy posted a project where he wanted a website with complementary Android and iOS apps for $50. My bid was "Sir, would you like fries with that?". It was uncalled for I guess but after seeing so many projects like this, I was pissed to no end.

2 months later I get an email from the website saying I received an infraction due to my behaviour. Wtf is an infraction? Fuck you and fuck the English dictionary! Or pay me fucking 50 dollars to find out what it means!

Basically, I shat where I used to eat. Fuck my life.

Fuck sake :(

So I just checked my bank to find out I'm in an extra £300 debt because my fucking letting agency took my rent AFTER I MOVED IT FOR £98 BECAUSE I COULDN'T AFFORD IT.

Why the fuck is the world throwing turd after steaming turd at me, first the streets, then family, then job, then debt, now a constant barrage of shit. Just feel like ending it now so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore, fuck the human race and the shithole upside down society they've made :'(

Fuck you EU,

thanks for making every electronics project I do much more expensive in the future by taxing me for something that I can't buy anywhere inside the eu for a reasonable price. Congrats. You made it unaffordable for me to do the one thing I had fun doing. I hate you.

i am fucking tired of companies that come to me expecting to magically fix their STEAMING PILE OF BULLSHIT AND TRASH CODE. how about when i ask "can i get a project brief", instead of saying "just fix it" or "it just needs to do this", GIVE ME A FUCKING COHERENT AND DESCRIPTIVE WRITEUP OF EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. i can't read your minds, let alone read the code the previous cock sucking developer wrote, so guess what? i'm left with no other option but to completely rewrite it. to top it off, instead of giving me god damn excuses as to why you can't get me the api key for your order processing, MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT AND GET IT TO ME. how the fuck do you expect me to test an application when i don't even have access to the fucking api the whole shit pile is based around? i swear to god if these people expect me to have this done by the end of the week but want to be little cunt nuggets they can go eat shit. fuck you, fuck your "contract", fuck your company, FUCK EVERYTHING. greedy, shit faced bastards

Writing a new service. (Will be free for now)

Writing up an Ajax PUT request and when it executes, I see an options request firing, that's good.

But no fucking PUT request afterwards!?

WHAT WHY FUCK ME HELP 😢

Me starting a project: Okay I'm stuck with this project I'll just shelve this for now

[3 weeks later]

*comes back to project*

*find a solution with problem I came stuck with*

WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN WHY DID IT TAKE YOU 3 WEEKS TO HELP ME FIX SHIT WRYYYYY

For the love of God. Please stop trying to make me download your shitty mobile app. I don’t have room, and I don’t want it. I just want to read the content that YOU SENT TO ME (looking at you, Quora). Nice way to make sure I unsubscribe and never come back. An unclosable pop up on mobile that just has a button to your mobile app while I have limited data and patience doesn’t do it for me. Fuck whoever came up with THAT brilliant decision.

I fucking hate it when apps are not named the same way as the fucking product or company. "Connect" app. Connect fucking what? "Mobile bank". Let me try to search for it using the name of my bank. Haha, oops, I forgot I should rather go fuck myself. MusicCast. You're fucking Yamaha and if I can't find you at Y then gods help me.

fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUCCCKKK FUCKING FUUUCKKKBKB

if you gave me a feature that has 2^5 posible output, but didn't give me all the possible inputs AND expect me to finish it for this thursday, THEN DONT GIVE ME EXTRA JOB ON A DRIVER THAT DOESNT WORK. FUCK

So i have been helping people on the Steam forums for a game in Beta and today i got someone having a go at me for it.

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, I WILL BE GETTING DEATH THREATS FOR HELPING AN ELDERLY WOMAN NEXT!!!

Oh for fucks sake on a horse raping twat of a week.

It’s like everything that could go wrong did go wrong, from people fucking up, to orders being fucked up in multiple systems to me wanting to break someone’s fucking nose for being a complete dumb fuck. Seriously how do people that do a job, day in and day out go completely fucking brain dead and fuck things up beyond fucking repair over hundreds of orders.

Sorry but FUCK this shit, it can wait till fucking Monday you cunt rash of a shit.

Me: develops my first android app with firebase by google.
Me: finishes app, tests it and it works.

Firebase after 3 months: we were first going to scale our servers on our own based on how many people are simultaneously using your app. But now fuck you, we will have a cap of 100000 simultaneous users.

Me: fuck this kills my app if it scales. Have to Shard everything on the db side and overhaul the entire app to work will multiple db instances. Takes a month.

Android after 6 months: dude your app is working fine without any hiccups. Let me fuck it up. We will stop all your services when your app is not running or backgrounded. Also we will make it illegal to start services in this case and we will throw exceptions.

Me: what the actual fuck. They now want me to focus on a JobScheduler, fine... But now even intent services won't work properly. So use a job scheduler to start a JobIntentService which is essentially another job scheduler for queuing. wtf android.

Ps solved it and works again.

PS: WAITING FOR ANDROID TO FML WITH ANOTHER NEW VERSION. Maybe they'll say you can't run your app at all now

Ok, YOU fuck up THREE (!) times, and send me new text for the app, each time saying its '100% finished, no errors' and expect me (each iteration) to do it IMMEDIATELY

Why don't you go fuck yourself, do your damn job, do it right, and THEN contact me instead of running around like an childish preschooler with a pair of scissors

Soo I am the only tech-guy in my family and it's a bit like:

Other: You do program?
Me: yes?
Other: pls repair my printer!

And you guys know how awful that is, aren't you? But in my family it gets tougher...

Today my older sister asked me how to save data from a broken HDD. I said I know a guy who's doing forensic on HDDs and he could make that.

She's like: "but a friend of mine said it could be done easier with software"

And yes, it is! But not that successful...

Now's the point she killed me instantly!
She said: "he opened the HDD and said the disks look fine they could be easily added to a new HDD"....

WHAT THE ACUTAL FUCK I SAID NOW YOUR DRIVE IS BROKEN FOREVER! AND THEN SHE INSULTED ME AND BLOCKED ME ON FUCKING WHATSAPP! SHE IS LEARNING WEBDESIGN WHY THE FUCK DON'T TEACH HER THE BASICS OF FUCKING COMPUTERS! Oh for fuck sakes....

I fucking nailed my c exam.
Had to write C on paper today. Fuck my uni for that. But I think I aced it. I coded C for weeks and hopefully finally payed off.
Fuck coding on paper though. They are just too lazy to make something digital. But man at least let me get some compiler messages. It's not like anyone codes without compiler messages anymore.

-= Me in the zone hacking out code during meeting with customer for an emergency change =-

-ready to deploy just need to....-

Me to myself:

"Oh ... oh shit ... I forgot who the customer is / who this is for / what time it is ... how do I ask these people on the call who the fuck they even are....?"

(｀_´)ゞ

I fucking HATE when people tell me:
"Oh you are using Unity? What kind of dumb shit uses Unity! Isnt its only purpose to make shovelware and shit?!"
THIS MAKES ME FURIOS AT MOST POINTS! AND I WANT TO PUNCH THOSE DIPWIT COCKS WHO ALWAYS THINK ANYTHING OTHER THAN UNITY IS GOOD, IN THE FUCKING FACE! TWICE!
unity isnt just for SHOVELWARE and CHEAP SHITGAMES, it has some really good potential when in the RIGHT FUCKING HANDS!! FOR FUCK SAKE!
(If you want an example look up dronethegame.com currently in crowdfunding) FUCK THESE PEOPLE...

FUCK

Google: the newest android pie is based on user feedback.
The system clock: *is now on the left*
Me: WHO THE FUCK ASKED FOR THIS SHIT? WHY CAN'T I MOVE IT BACK TO THE RIGHT SIDE?

//little Story of a sys admin

Wondered why a Server on my Linux Root couldn't build a network connection, even when it was running.

Checked iptables and saw, that the port of the Server was redirected to a different port.

I never added that rule to the firewall. Checked and a little script I used from someone else generated traffic for a mobile game.

OK beginn the DDoS Penetration. Over 10 Gbit/s on some small servers.

Checked Facebook and some idiot posted on my site:
Stop you little shithead or I will report you to the police!!!

Checked his profile page and he had a small shitty android game with a botnet.

Choose one:
1. let him be
2. Fuck him up for good

Lets Sudo with 2.

I scaled up my bandwith to 25 Gbit/s and found out that guys phone number.

Slowly started to eat away his bandwith for days. 3 days later his server was unreachable.

Then I masked my VoIP adress and called him:

Me: Hi, you know me?
He: No WTF! Why are you calling me.
Me: I love your're game a lot, I really love it.
He: What's wrong with you? Who are you?
Me: I'm teach
He: teach?
Me: Teach me lesson
He: Are you crazy I'm hanging up!
Me: I really love you're game. I even took away all your bandwith. Now you're servers are blocked, you're game banned on the store.
He: WHAT, WHAT? (hearing typing)

Me: Don't fuck with the wrong guys. I teached you a lesson, call me EL PENETRATO

He: FUCK Fuck Fuck you! Who are you???!!! I'm going to report you!
Me: How?
He: I got you're logs!
Me: Check it at Utrace...
He: Holy shit all around the world

Me: Lemme Smash Bitch
*hung up*

In my first week of study again (at study location) after being away for 9 months. It really annoys the living fuck out of me that half of the students here are either gaming or watching series etc. Serious-fucking-ly, either DO YOUR GODDAMN STUDY or FUCK OFF.

Just installed linux (Ubuntu 16.04.3 LTS x64) because windows update was being a cunt, instantly, it all fell into place and I got it fully running with minecraft (using generic driver, but it actually works pretty well, don't worry I will get the proper one tomorrow) and a desktop icon for it within two hours compare to windows (update) taking 4 days to do barely any updates, not accepting java or graphics drivers, which it requires because fuck opengl with the default drivers.

Fuck windows. Hooray for linux!

Now back to programming...

Thanks for putting up with me but I just need to vent because I felt like I couldn't program (and I didn't) because of FUCKING DOOLALY WINDOWS 8!

Btw thanks to the local charity shop for introducing me to (SUSE) linux when I was like 11, giving me a hope in hell of using linux. I now have around 11 bootable linux disks and 1 bootable flash.

Oh, boy, do I hate recruiters...

So today I attended a Job fair, which mentioned it will be 'walk-in' interview for every company present there, only to find out they were mass recruiters, FUCK ME.

1. Write answers on the back of your resumes.
2. Group interview

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!

On point number 2, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ANALYZE SKILL OF A FUCKING CROWD OF 20 PEOPLE ALL TOGETHER!!!!???

Top of that I paid for this shit! I can hope for only the best now.....

Fucking Microsoft.

Search for a message in Teams. Find it. Want to see the reply sent immediately after it. Look for "jump to message" button. Doesn't exist.

Find some forum post from 2 years ago about this issue, where Microsoft hits with the classic "Not supported, please submit feedback here:" with a dead link.

What the fuck. How a company with so many resources and such widely used products can make such a PILE OF UNUSABLE GARBAGE is literally unfathomable to me.

What the fuck is the point of being able to search for a message if I can't see what gets sent right after or right before it? My god it makes me want to nosedive through sheetrock into the nearest accessible stud.

FUCK Y.O.U. windows 10 for making my pc not recognize mics on the front port.
Seriously i usually dont mind windows that much but really ?! Oh hello i noticed you changed your os version THEN LET ME FUCK UP YOUR DRIVERS SO YOU FEEL LIKE A RETARD NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK.
Worst is i feel like an idiot because i have no idea how to fix this shit apart from buying a new PC, aaaaand im pretty sure while trying to fix it i made it worse
FUCK IM A SCRUB. FUCK PEOPLE ON INTERNET AND THEM "It works". NO IT DOESNT !
And now i feel like a worthless dev because of w105

FUCK ME!!

For a job, I have to create a form with more than 20 fields!! FUCK!!

The most shitty part is that I need to gather all the shit users fill in (if they even fill it in) and place in a shitty e-mail and send that to the client!! FUCK!!

The things we take for granted... I was laughing my tits off at my mate taking a screenshot this is how it transcribed :)

My mate:
morning!

Me:
morning mate 🙂

My mate:
how are you getting on?

Me:
not bad thanks, bit knackered but good 🙂

My mate:
the band was good then lol. how do i take a screen shot buddy?

Me:
there's print screen button on the top right of the keyboard
My mate:
what will it be under?

Me:
it's a button
on the keyboard
print screen
prt scr or something

My mate:
no when i want to use it

Me:
??

My mate:
what file/folder

Me:
you have to open something like paint
paste it in
save it 🙂

My mate:
urghh
fuck doing all that
you do it

Me:
hahaha
My mate:
haha

Me:
I'm all good 😀
just open paint
ctrl+v
save
that's it

My mate:
i just got a killer score on wows lol i want to post it to the group
so i go to the game screen take a shot by pressing that button then go to paint and do what?
i dont even have paint lol

Me:
don't know what it's called in Windows 10

My mate:
ahh fuck it

Me:
burger nipples

My mate:
why doesnt it just pop up on your downloads or pictures ffs

Me:
it might do in Windows 10 I don't know 😀
doubtful though

My mate:
it has done for other ones
for other games it has

Me:
sometimes the game has it built in
depends on so many things haha

My mate:
nailed it!!
i just hit the right click then hit paste and it came on to the post haha
no fucking about

Me:
Congrats ;)

Fuck you BT, charge me £80 for phone and internet, then only give me 50% of your advertised speeds that cuts out at random points then when I complain tell me you'll look into it but if you find any issues within my property I have to pay for the fixing of all issues with my line inside and outside the property not to mention the over £100 call out fucking cost!!! Plus you were fucking charging me £6.99 a month for BT fucking Sport that I don't watch and that I was told on 3 occasions was fucking free for the last 3 years!!! Again I will reiterate FUCK YOU BRITISH TELECOMS

Friend : hey! I wanna buy a laptop.. range is about entry level nothing hi fi! But it should work for 3-4 years.

Me : sure.. give me a few hours..i'll get back.

*Looks all around foe the best thing in that price range.

*Sends a list of laptops ranked based on value for money.

Friend : bought it! Yay! 😎😎😎

*Buys the shittiest laptop they could find at that price range with an absolute old age processor.

Why the fuck did you even ask me at the first place? Fucked couple of hours for me.

Why the fuck is this site blocked. How the fuck is it remotely adult content? ITS A GODDAMN WEBGL GAME. And you blocked is as being EDUCATIONAL. WHY THE FUCK WOULD MY SCOOL BAN A GODDAMN EDUCATIONAL WEBSITE?

P.S. for all those that know me, i made a website a year ago, during english class, and it got blocked at school (my goal was to get it blocked). Or so I thought. It turns out it didn't get blocked at my school, it was blocked across the whole county! I feel accomplished.

Ladies and gentleman, I've done it.
Remove your hacker game trophies from your wall.
That nasty bug you fixed a couple of nights ago? Meh.
Your top devRant post? You'll delete it after reading this.
Every awesome accomplishment you can think of: it all means shit now.

>> I have SUCCESSFULLY changed my business Microsoft account password into something I can remember AND Microsoft accepted it in under an hour of trying!!!!! <<

I want to say a big FUCK YOU to MICROSOFT for WASTING MY BLOODY TIME.

FUCK YOU for giving me a max of 16 characters. DASB&(*(&G*HH*& for telling me every time my password is 100% strength and then after every submit tell me I have to change it AGAIN because it should be harder to guess. WUT?! It was 16 characters including a (capital) letter, number and multiple special characters, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! UNICODE EMOJI'S???!!! ALLOW ME TO USE MORE CHARACTERS SO I WILL MAKE IT HARDER TO GUESS IT, IT'S 2018 FFS.
I don't even understand why my new password is accepted compared to the other one, but fuck it I can access my account again.
Now I might have to find a new job before the company password policy kicks in again.

/me drops everything and walks out of the office to get wasted (not sure if celebrating or just really pissed off)

So I've been working a lot with Docker lately (who isn't) and there was this one service always DIEING on me.
Docker logs showed me that it was killed because the container was unhealthy.
I researched for a whole day and couldn't find it...
After I got home it hit me like a hammer...
The healthcheck uses basic Auth and the password was changed yesterday...

How the fuck could I start to try every shit before I even checked if the request done by the healthcheck is working...

FUCK ME I'M SUCH A MORON SOMETIMES

1) That loud ass mother fucker sitting besides me, shut the fuck up.

2) Air motherfucking condition turned all the way to the max makes me horny and want to fuck your motherboard.

3) Illiterate assholes writing code without any comments and half assed function name just to look cool when we approach them for doubts.

4) Onsite motherfuckers enjoying their lives, taking photos of it and posting it in a monthly magazine while we s(h)it behind the fucking systems all day.

Thank-fucking-you, y'all can die suffocating in your own smelly dierraea poop.

!rant

A few days ago, one could have said that C++ is giving me PTSD.
Now, I've come to adore, cherish and love it for it's simplicity.

It feels so much better than Java.
No shit on java, it's good in what it does but damn boi C++ can do like, fucking everything.

Probably still gonna gib me PTSD in a week or so but fuck it.

I do like Windows, it is a quite good OS nowadays, but for FUCK SAKE, what does it take to fix that CLUSTER FUCK that you call search? You don't have enough people MS or what? Just show me the BLOODY ITEMS that actually contain the words that I typed in!!! While you are at it WOULD YOU MIND LEAVING ME THE FUCK ALONE WITH THE FUCKING WEB RESULTS???

Fuck apple for making it as hard as fuck to sign in to my fucking apple id. Because my ex wife was my "trusted" number, I couldn't get an authentication code. Tech support told me it would take 3 days to reset my password.

After 3 hours of fucking around, I finally was able to reset my password.

I've been trying to get my kids to watch stupid Indiana Jones for years. They finally agreed. After going through 3 hours of BS so I could buy the movie, we start watching it. Literally, as the boulder is rolling down toward Dr. Jones, the movie stops suddenly so that Apple can verify my purchase!

Then, it asks me to buy it again!

I get about 4-5 hours sleep. Like today: I went to work, made my lunch at work, got changed for football, played football from 7-9pm got home at 9:30, cooked, ate, showered and dried my hair and it's now 1am.

Tomorrow I got football training for another team so again I'll be getting into be at about 1am.

Also I forgot go mention ive got to get up at 6 for work And Friday I have to be at the doctors for 7. Yeyyyyy me!!! Don't even ask me about the weekend...

I feel like this classifies as a rant because I don't get to code at the weekends and it kills me 😡😡 especially when I want to contribute to certain packages and said I would. So fuck you social life. Fuck. You.

Ohhh and those fucking 'friends' that guilt trip you into seeing them because "you haven't seen me in ages 😢😢" there's a reason for that Barbra (keeping her identity secret) I'm fucking depressed and tired. Fuck the fuck right off.

Me, about to head out for work: Hey I wonder how much time I have left before the train departs

Clock: 02:00

Me: fuck I did it again

Waking up thinking it's time to start the day and then figure out you can still sleep for 4 hours, while having already showered, put clothes on, eaten breakfast

TLDR: Scope creep.

Fuck it! I hate scope creep! 2 days before the deadline is due, slip in a little scope creep to bolster your already ambiguous as fuck scope! Of course, more fool me for taking on a project with a scope as ambiguous as this one. Or for accepting the 'just do x and y and your done' as gospel. But then again I enjoy paying my bills and you know, eating from time to time!

Fuck 'em! Fuck Clients! Fuck Scope Creep! Fuck Ambiguity to it's very Fucking core! Fuck it! Fuck me! Fuck code! I'm venturing under my table for a little cry and a sulk, then back at the god-damned grindstone to finish the project and all it's creepy scopy bits before the deadline tomorrow! FUCK!

Is it just me or do you guys sometimes go like "Ah fuck it, haven't had a good night's sleep in so long, I guess I should sleep early tonight" and then you look at your watch and its already late?

God what I would give to get up early for once.

PLEASE FOR FUCKS SAKE DONT JUST EMAIL/MESSAGE ME YOUR ERROR AND SAY
"FIX IT " or "WHATS WRONG"
WITH NO FURTHER CONTEXT !!!
then when you respond to me asking
"can i see the code ?" 18 HOURS LATER
AND YOU RESPOND WITH
"it's closed source"
PLEASE DONT GET SHITTY WHEN I TELL YOU TO KINDLY FUCK OFF

Today is the day when I declare that I once and for all cancel all SJW-attracting topics.

Social relations is a hard topic and it seems like people just can't live together. There is always some group that oppress some other group.

Today I declare that I don't care about all this shit. It bothers me, it weakens me, it makes my health worse. Can I live like 60 more years (I'm keeping things real about my remaining time here) without touching SJW topics? I think I can.

My life would be different. I'm quitting acknowledging SJW topics existence, I'm quitting talking about them. They don't exist for me.

For now I'm planning to focus on art.

Fuck everyone who discriminate, also fuck everyone who fight discrimination with another kind of discrimination.

Client writes a bug report: This and that doesn't work.
Me: This functionality never was implemented. Please open a feature request.
Client: But this is a bug. Without this feature, the service won't work as we expect.
Me: But this wasn't in the requirements for release. So you have to contact the PM for a feature request.
Client: THIS IS A BUG! FIX IT!
Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF! THIS IS A NEW FEATURE AND YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!
Unfortunately, I never sent the mail. But I kept it in the drafts. Maybe someday...

Started a new job today.
They gave me a Mac.

Why in actual fuck is there no shortcut for the terminal? Took me half a day to get an iterm hotkey working only to find out it only works if you have a terminal open already.

Stupid apple. I want my mod+enter back.

Recruiter: company looking for 4+ years of software engineering experience.
Me: I don't have 4+ years of experience.
Recruiter: I think it should be fine.
Me: lol fuck off

Wanted to switch mobile plans because im severely overcharged for 4g. While im at it, i thought lets buy a phone aswell, its cheaper with a new contract and this one is almost 2yro.

Then i had to realize that my carrier (telenor) has 2858 iphones, 99999 smasungs and thats basically it. Fuck me for tryna buy a normal phone i guess. I didnt even have any special requests, like an lg q6 or g5 would have been perfect but noooooo. Fuck you.

Am I the only one who hates all of this fucking UEFI bullshit, my hate for Microsoft had decreased, but now I fucking hate it now!
FUCK YOU FUCKING MICROSOFT AND YOUR STUPID SHITTY OS AT LEAST ALLOW ME TO RUN ANOTHER FUCKING OPERATING SYSTEM

YOU WANT ME TO TEST AND DEVELOP IN MOTHERFUCKING PRODUCTION?!!!

Whaaaaaat, I'm changing shit, what if somebody goes to buy this product and I've made it super-cheap? ATM, there's two fuckin options for shipping, both different costs. the best bit? RIGHT NOW, THE USER CAN CHOOSE TO PAY LESS FOR THEIR SHIPPING.

HOLY FUCK.

*get task assigned to me*

*complete task*

*get new task changing everything I did in the previous task*

Me: "Why is this getting completely changed? It meets the specs you sent."

PM: "Well, they took a while to approve the concept so I assumed it would be the same as the one on their current site. But now they want something different. Just change it."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THE POINT OF SENDING FOR APPROVAL IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR THE APPROVAL?!

Oh my motherfucking God...
How the fuck can a dumb IDE be so fucking slow? I entered the office at 8:15. And I am still unable to checkout a motherfucking previous version of an android app in git and get Android studio to build it, because the fucking gradle is so damn slow it freezes the GUI. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Android studio get you shit together and maybe, just maybe don't be such a dick!!!

You need 5 min to open that project and another 10 to build it ONLY FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO REPEAT THAT WHOLE PROCEDURE BECAUSE I NEED A DIFFERENT APP VERSION FROM THE GIT REPO FUCK YOU YOU SHITFACED STUPID COCKSUCKING CUNT, SHIT FUCK ARRRRGH!!!

Sincerely,
Me.

Edit: now it's 9:35 btw

Why can't you just fucking tell me what type of website you want. Every week you are fucking adding/removing new features and don't want to pay for it. You know what? Fuck you! From next week Monday I' am putting your website on hold until you agree to pay for the changes we made for the past 3 weeks.

On the same note, fuck you to my General Manager who thinks he will get laid for not charging for the changes made to the website. She is just using you dumb piece of shit.

Me after a good day at work: “Hmmmm… I like it here. I can stay for at least a year”

Me after a bad day at work: “Fuck this. I should apply for jobs elsewhere. Fuck Capitalism”

"Hello sir, do you have time to talk about...."

Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down. Name your stack. I know how to fucking work with it. If I did not select it it is because it was not the right choice. I did not spent 4 years teaching myself to code AND later on obtaining a B.S in Computer Science(another number of years) as well as obtaining industry grade experience for you to tell me what I should use.

I hate this trend. Take up the whole screen for one big nothing. Yep, 1920x1080 is apparently not enough to show me more than motto, one link and freaking big image nobody care about.

Fuck, i must code it. Oh damn, there is 8 same sections on the whole page. Don't worry, not a single one of them worth reading! FUCK YOU designers!

A minute before an important Skype call my Bluetooth headset just won't connect, windows asks for a restart to set it up and then of course runs unstoppable updates before allowing me to login... fuck it, going for a swim, the interview looked lame anyway

Fuck. My boss left for a meeting with the client to show him the new frontend. 5 minutes after he left I saw that on the staging server half of the page entries were gone for the non-default localizations. FUCK.

It took me 20 minutes to restore the fuckery. I hope the client didn't see it...

Okay, I usually don't rant about Windows.
But why the flying fuck does it automatically pick a driver for RNDIS5 for a RNDIS6 device (USB tethering on Android devices)? It's hanging many parts of the systems until I change it to the right driver (which is not shown as compatible and warned against whilst being the only one that works). Seriously, I usually never have problems with Windows, but this is the only thing that annoys the fuck out of me with it.

What the fuck! Just witnesed this at university. The guy in question is in the same cs course as me. Using edge, okay. But searching for a picture on google (a icon in that case), copy it to memory, open powerpoint, paste it, manipulate the color aellsettings to make it gray and then save it from powerpoint? That's not how you fucking do it! Fucker!

Me yesterday evening:

"Fuck java, fuck JVM, fuck everything about it, shit doesn't work for some reason, no runtime errors, no compiler errors, no syntax errors, nothing, *turns off computer*".

Me today morning(coffee = false), after comparing the documented example code provided by the API with one someone else made, I've noticed that the one provided by the API was messed up and couldn't work.

"Lemme change that one value in the properties...okay here we go"
Shit works out perfectly.

FUCK FALSELY DOCUMENTED CODE

FUCK DOCUMENTATIONS IN GENERAL

"Hey Bobby, can you do XYZ for me? I can do it myself but it's such a pain in the ass"

So why the fuck would I do it if you can do it yourself? Guess what it's a pain in the ass for me too! And it's not even my problem!

Hey everybody been a while but I have a rant. Swift fucking swift and IOS dev. Okay so been learning swift for some frontend casual work, no worries they are lending me a mac to work in.

Now comes the rant part IOS is fine to work in I dont have any qualms about platform but.. FOR THE LOVE OF COMMON FUCKING SENSE GET SOME FUCKING CONSISTENCY.

You have made swift statically typed language to supposedly make developing more consistant and better fine no worries i dont like static typed languages cause they are unnecessary but fine. then you go NAH FUCK IT EVERYTHING IN A MODULE IS IN GLOBAL SCOPE, FUCK IMPORT STATEMENTS, FUCK MAINTAINABILITY AND FUCK YOU FOR ASKING.

My boss ask me to demo some project. I named the demo "fuck", and I knew I could change it. In the evening he came to ma desk and asked for anything in progress. Go to test form and slash witch fuck... noooooo. that was ma last time taking things simple.

Friend has great idea for a software project built on top of OpenAI's API.

He wants it to be freemium, littered with ads.

He doesn't code. I think he's hinting at me to build it for him and I'll continue acting aloof.

I will not build software that's funded by ads.

Fuck ads. I hate ads.

Fuck Angular and everything it represents

I've been working in a large enterprise cooperation for the last year and I fucking hate it

Fuck Angular

Fuck everyone who thinks they are the shit for using this fucking piece of garbage fRaMeWoRk

You can use this shit if you want but shut the fuck up when we want to do a react project

I don't care what frameworks and libraries other people use stay the fuck out of my projects and let me use what ever I like

had to rant 😔

Fuck it..
What’s the point?
Why do we care about a point at all?
Why do we even try to make sense out of it?
I’m religious but if you think about believe long enough that’s a point to question as well.

I guess the 2nd lockdown is getting to me.
I’m extremely introverted but this I too isolated even for me.

In the the 1st lockdown I made it for 3 weeks, now I’m breaking after 1.5weeks....

So I got a 1.7 grand laptop for free a week ago.

Fuck me, the company I'm working at is the best.

Hp elitebook 840 g5, 16 gigs and auto -crypting ssd.
Corpo life is the best. Shame it's got windows on it and I can't get linux on it.

Skype??? For main communication in soon 2024 in an IT company???? Get the fuck out are you fucking kidding me??? Starting a 9-5 job after so many years of being jobless feels like im degrading myself back to caveman primal age. What who the FUCK uses skype ????? Please

There’s a new macOS update..
-install now
-install later

Me: install now..

Os: there’s another account active, blah blah blah.. please accept our new GPL..

Me: fair enough.. accept GPL..

OS again: Hi blah blah, same message..

Me: ok I’ll try „do it later“..

Os: there’s another account active, blah blah blah.. GPL..

Me: go fuck your self, fuck your overpriced hardware, go guck your software that’s way worse than it was 5 years ago, go fuck YOU!!!

OS: I know I suck, but we don’t Care. So please accept our new GPL.

Thanks apple for becoming what Microsoft was 10 years ago..,

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

I was hating on Postman for 10 minutes straight...
and then I found out it was me all along.

Turns out, it's an advantage if you actually select the proper environment before sending a request.
fuck me... coffee! ☕

I went for an interview as a MS SQL DBA. They gave me a technical knowledge test which I passed then started asking about me, All was going well until they started telling me what the company did.

They harvested people's data from websites online questionnaires and collated it into saleable data.

This was too much for me and I'm not certain that it isn't a grey area legally. They were told that they were scum of the earth and they could go fuck themselves.

Things might be looking up for me.

Saw an opening in a huge company for a dev position. They might consider me, just biding to see what is said.

That being said, today I deal with a user complaining that their app wasn't working. They moaned that exit should rather be close. The text. I raced 60km because you told me it was crucial. Fuck you.

Please open this rant. Make sure to get a good look at my username. Then go to the comments and call me an idiot because FUCK I JUST POURED A GLASS OF WATER ON MY LAPTOP.

Left it upside down to dry for a bit. Please forgive my for the sudden shower 😭😭😭

Just love it when the client discloses their requirements in phases. M sitting here with the complete stack waiting for him to come online and fuck me a little more as he discloses the next phase. Client's done this 3 times already. Fuck that asshole.

Apple 2018: we integrated uikit with Mac apps so now it will be way much easier to program for mac
Me: OMG THIS IS AMAIZING
Apple: all of these apps are now running on Mac with uikit
Me: yes!
Apple: this will be available to you developers in 2019 : )
Me: BICH WHAT THE FUCK?!

My first dev job evolved from an internship and ended with me screaming “fuck” at people for a few months until they finally got sick of it and gave me the boot. It was a fair call 😂

Today, a guy contacted me on upwork to fix his iOS game which was crashing.

So I asked him to put it on github so I can clone it and push the fixes.
For some reason he said it was not possible for him to put it on github,so he uploaded it on Dropbox and sent me the link.

How the fuck am I supposed to fix that 700mb project and send it back ? Again upload it on some cloud ?

AaaaGhhhh !!!!

qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came

*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!

*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown*

Why the hell people like Quora?
I hate that it forces me to sign in. I won't, because it makes no sense. Fuck it, my time is precious, don't play with it.

StackExchange is doing great by leaving information free for everyone and even allowing them to interact without an account.

I once worked for a dev shop who would present themselves as an NGO to provide IT solutions for other NGOs. There were total of 6 employees out of which only me and my friend was the sole developers. And the other 4 ppl would get salary for doing nothing. And they paid us peanuts and made us work parallely on multiple projects at once. Multiple as in not 2-3, it used to be 5-6 projects simultaneously!

Shittiest place I have worked. Fuck the stupid dev shop and fuck the people who run them. Hypocritical bastards.

If a client changes the formatting of their data without telling me, and it breaks the code that I wrote for them, could they own up to their lack of communication, and not give me shit for it?

This problem was caused entirely by you. Can you fuck right off? Would you kindly?

Soooo this Canadian mother fuck, own the domain I want, and isn’t using it, and doesn’t wanna sell it.. tells me he is using it for his business.. after a bit of research the domain went inactive after 2007. Hours after sending an email.. a wix site pops up. And then then tells me his buisness has been using it for 25 years.. really??! Per public record your buisness went defunct years ago.

Won’t sell me the domain... fine, I’ll buy all the domains with your name in it variants of your buisness name, and point them to gay porn.. FUCK YOU.. fire with fire BITCH!

You know you're in for a fun time when you open code you wrote the previous night and a comment starts with "Fuck this, it works, sober me can deal with it"

Why do I do this to myself .-.

Heya devRant people, I haven't been here for a while so I think I may have lost the touch with my rants. But no matter.

Ok, here I go.....

FUCK NUGET AND FUCK VISUAL STUDIO, THE FACT THAT IT KEEPS REDIRECTING A REFERENCE TO THE FUCKING AZURE SDK IS PISSING ME OFF. EVEN MORE SO THAT WHEN I RENAME THE FUCKING .DLL ON THE AZURE SDK SO IT DOESN'T REFERENCE IT, IT JUST DOeS NOT FUCKING RECOGNIZE ANY FUCKING .DLL I POINT IT TO, EVEN IF THE PATH IS CORRECT.

FIX YOUR SHIT MICROSOFT.

(Sorry for caps, I'm just really frustrated.)

Windows rant incoming!
For fucks sake! I think Windows have asked me 117 times if I want to update now. The answer is still fucking no!
And I don't care how much of a security improvement it might be, when your shitty update causes a Memory Management error.
So fuck off, stop minimising my game while I play and go fix your shitty update first!
Fuck you Microsoft, fuck your QA team and while I'm at it, I want to say fuck you to all versions of Windows Server as well!

Woke up this morning from a stressful week, thought fuck it and booked a nice hotel in York with a pool for me wife and son. Just enjoying yet another pint after an enjoyable day. Ready for the fan covered in shit.

!dev

Fuck I woke up understanding that it's Monday but it's Sunday, for the first time I was having such a romantic dream, it soothe me soo much, calmed me so much, put me off the problems...

I used to think having is a distraction but after this dream I am proved so wrong which I hate.

It was damn bad idea to break up in the first place

Motherfucking Android Fucking Studio. Just told me there is an update for the fucking simulator, and after the update it refuses to even sync. Fuck!

Aws Lambda and serverless framework. Yes FaaS is cool. Love it. But it is pain in ass when you have the only way for you deploy is zip the fucking code with all the dependencies. Comm'on AWS you can do better. Look at azure functions. Please give me a git deployment support. Please I beg. Each test iteration takes like for ever. Also no proper local emulator. Fuck you AWS. Fuck you serverless.

Hahahaha fuck me, doing a backup for a friend into an old USB stick, windows is saying it will take 7 hours for 2GB 🤣🤣🤣

It's been broken in production for two weeks, and you want to tell me it's "drop everything urgent" now? Is it important? Yes. Is it urgent? No.

Also, how the fuck did you not know this was broken for two weeks, and what the hell do you want me to do about it now? It's your codebase, it passed all the tests in staging AFTER I made my changes to the infrastructure.

Don’t ring me up all nasty asking why these other domains that you never told me about don’t “work”... and you don’t have dns access ‘cos you don’t know what it is and I need to speak to some geezer from another company that you fired. FUCK OFF, now I have to do some whois fishing to find out the shit you are blaming me for.

wtf!! That stupid piece of @#$@#$, how does it even work for anybody. EVER. Bundle it in a container, make sure it's ephemeral. Yerterday it worked, and today it fucking does whatever it wants@!!! That fuking fucktard piece of shit!!

Fuck it. Fuck all of it.

It must be a fault in my RAM or something. I mean, nothing has changed since yesterday. I could run the appp in the container yžday ez, and today -- it gives me a finger, completely ignoring my parameters!! Asshole!!!!

For shit's sake, data stream processing really is only for people with high throughput looking to do transformations on their data; not for people aggregating <10Gb/day of data.

Fuck me DSP is going to be the new buzzword of 2020 and I'm not looking forward to it. I've already got stakeholders wondering if we can integrate it when we dont have the need, nor the resources or funds.