Yesterday, in a meeting with project stakeholders and a dev was demoing his software when an un-handled exception occurred, causing the app to crash.

Dev: “Oh..that’s weird. Doesn’t do that on my machine. Better look at the log”
- Dev looks at the log and sees the exception was a divide by zero error.
Dev: “Ohhh…yea…the average price calculation, it’s a bug in the database.”
<I burst out laughing>
Me: “That’s funny.”
<Dev manager was not laughing>
DevMgr: “What’s funny about bugs in the database?”
Me: “Divide by zero exceptions are not an indication of a data error, it’s a bug in the code.”
Dev: “Uhh…how so? The price factor is zero, which comes from a table, so that’s a bug in the database”
Me: “Jim, will you have sales with a price factor of zero?”
StakeholderJim: “Yea, for add-on items that we’re not putting on sale. Hats, gloves, things like that.”
Dev: “Steve, did anyone tell you the factor could be zero?”
DBA-Steve: “Uh...no…just that the value couldn’t be null. You guys can put whatever you want.”
DevMgr: “So, how will you fix this bug?”
DBA-Steve: “Bug? …oh…um…I guess I could default the value to 1.”
Dev: “What if the user types in a zero? Can you switch it to a 1?”
Me: “Or you check the factor value before you try to divide. That will fix the exception and Steve won’t have to do anything.”
<awkward couple of seconds of silence>
DevMgr: “Lets wrap this up. Steve, go ahead and make the necessary database changes to make sure the factor is never zero.”
StakeholderJim: “That doesn’t sound right. Add-on items should never have a factor. A value of 1 could screw up the average.”
Dev: “Don’t worry, we’ll know the difference.”
<everyone seems happy and leaves the meeting>

I completely lost any sort of brain power to say anything after Dev said that. All the little voices kept saying were ‘WTF? WTF just happened? No really…W T F just happened!?’ over and over. I still have no idea on how to articulate to anyone with any sort of sense about what happened. Thanks DevRant for letting me rant.

Confession: I am not a dev, I actually work on an IT helpdesk telling people how to turn on their PC's everyday.
It's soul destroying!!

My boyfriend is an Apple dev though, and I only joined DevRant to see if it would help me understand what he talks about 24/7...
I have very basic coding knowledge but still find this all so fascinating!
You guys are so smart, and can literally create anything in the blink of an eye.
Why are you guys generally so very under appreciated??
You also have a fantastic sense of humour! Haven't laughed at so many nerd-jokes in years!

Loving DevRant so far!
Keep up the great work! :)

Dev: this task is done, can I put it in review and do something else?

Me: sure, of course.

Dev: cool, just be aware I'll make some changes to it later.

Me: ... wait, then it's not done.

Dev: no it is, I just need to re-read it and make some changes.

Me: yeah, so it will be done when those changes are made.

Dev: but I don't know what those changes are.

Me: ... I get that ... but ... ok I'm extremely confused. Why do you think it's done.

Dev: because I've written everything I need to and I'm happy with it.

Me: ok so why do you want to make changes.

Dev: I don't.

Me: ... ... ... ... you ... you are really not being clear. If you don't want to make changes, and you are happy with it, why are you planning on making changes later ... after marking the task as done.

Dev: well if I re-read it and see something I don't like, I would like to change it.

Me: ok, so re-read it as many times as you like and make as many changes as you like. But don't mark it as done until it is done.

Dev: but it is done.

Me: no it's not.

Dev: it is, look.

Me: ... yeah looks ok at a quick glance.

Dev: ok so I can mark it as done?

Me: are you going to make more changes?

Dev: yes.

Me: then no.

Dev: why?

Me: BECAUSE ITS NOT DONE.

Dev: ok maybe I'm not explaining it clearly.

Me: ... we can both agree on that. Ok so to summarise, we don't mark something as done until we have stopped touching it. We don't half finish something and say it's done and comeback to it later. We mark it as done when we are happy with i.....

Dev: but I am happ.....

Me: *raises hand* I repeat, if it's done, we lock it away and stop touching it. If someone reads it and complains, we can come back to it with a new ticket. But it's not done until we think we are ready to send it on.

Dev: I am ready to send it, I just may want to change it.

Me: ... ... ... ... ... due to a new policy implemented just now, we are only allowed to send 1 email to a person each week. So unfortunately we can only send on 1 copy. So when you have that 1 copy, let me know.

Dev: ok, let me re-read it a few more times then.

Me: there you go.

Manager: Why aren’t you working?

Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.

Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.

Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—

Manager: Well just simplify it then

Dev: ?

Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.

Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch

Providing work estimation:

Dev: This should take about 2 weeks

Non dev: Really? But it's so simple. Shouldn't be that long right? I think it can be done in one week.

*After one week*

Non dev: Why is it still not done? I thought you only need one week?

We recently hired a fronted dev and she got confident enough to suggest we use nodejs, my literal reply:

We hired you so we would not have to deal with JavaScript.

Should see her face 😂

Interviewer: So how long did you work at your last job?

Man: 30 years

Interviewer: and how old are you?

Man: 22 years

Interviewer: you're 22 and you have 30 years of experience that's not possible

Man: and you are looking for a junior dev with 5 years of experience

Recruiter: This is a 100% remote position

Dev: Good! That’s what I’m looking for.

Recruiter: But the company does require you to come into the office “on occasion”

Dev: I live 5 hours away from your office so that would be not a good fit

Recruiter: And once covid is over the ability to work remotely will be getting reconsidered. You’ll likely need to move cities in order to continue your employment with them.

Dev: Yeah I’m looking for 100% remote work

Recruit: This is 100% remote! Just with the need to come into the office sometimes now and potentially more later.

Dev: …

So I have implemented all the features required for the current release. Carefully reviewed my code several times, but no testing.

Tester: everything passed green. Not sure whether you're a good dev or I'm a bad tester.

Me: let's call it a draw.

Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!

Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday

Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.

Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things

Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!

Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through

Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!

Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.

Manager: !!

// *************

Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.

Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!

Dev: You told me to.

Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!

Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.

Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!

Dev: …

Interviewer: So are you familiar with our company and what we do?

Dev: I looked at your website, looks like you build tools for managing restaurants.

Interviewer: No. That’s not even close.

Dev: ?

Interviewer: What we do is create an ecosystem of integrated data centres all orchestrated for immediate stakeholder utilization.

Dev: But the product itself…. it’s a user interface for tracking inventory. Of like…. burgers…. and bottles of wine.

Interviewer: It’s not a product! It’s a data……habitat!!

Dev: …

Dev: So does that make your users animals?

Interviewer: 😡. Unfortunately it looks like you do not see our vision and would not be a good fit for this role.

Dev: Agreed.

Dev: Why did you suddenly start adding random whitespace to the end of all of the files in your PRs?

Manager: IT’S NOT RANDOM!

Dev: ?

Manager: That’s a way I came up with for tracking my contributions. Every time I edit a file I add a line of whitespace at the bottom so it’s clear to everyone how much and how often I’ve contributed to the team. Although I haven’t been doing it this entire time so I had to make up for this by adding more to files that I *know* I’ve touched a bunch before. Just think! Especially with how big my PRs are compared to everyone else the tally of my contributions is going to get huge!

Dev: …

Dev: I think we should send Dev2 for some training and certification

Manager: We do not train people or have them certified. When you train people and especially if you have them certified they always leave the company for better offers so we no longer do that.

Dev: So the plan is to have a the company operated by a bunch of untrained uncertified people?

Manager: 😡 You are being disrespectful again

When so called developers "fixes" things by setting 777 on directories...

Please do not call yourself a dev

QA just asked me, why does the website look so ugly and no CSS is working on Internet Explorer
I'm lucky I'm not the web dev lol

*I laughed*
*IE laughed*
*Windows laughed*

Dev: Sam’s a little nervous about taking his paid leave. I guess it’s not common in Nigeria. He needs to hear from the company that taking time off like that is acceptable.

HR: THAT’S SO INAPPROPRIATE! YOU CAN’T ASSUME HE’S FRON NIGERIA JUST BECAUSE HE’S BLACK. BLACK PEOPLE HAVE A VERY RICH AND DIVERSE CULTURE, THEY ARE NOT ALL FROM NIGERIA!!!

Dev: Sam is from Nigeria. He told me so. He tells me a lot of stories from there.

HR: …

Dev: Can you tell me something about Sam besides his skin colour?

HR: …

Dev: …

Dev submitting PR: “Testing instructions: Self explanatory”

Dev reviewing PR: You need to be a bit more verbose than that.

Dev submitting PR: “Testing instruction: Feature should work as expected”

Dev reviewing PR: *sigh*… Feature doesn’t work as expected

Dev submitting PR: WHAT IS NOT WORKING AS EXPECTED??? I NEED MORE DETAIL THAN THAT!!

Dev reviewing PR: …….So do I you muppet

Interviewer: Hello I’m calling for your phone interview now

Dev: You’re about an hour early calling but I can accommodate

Interviewer: Well it’s more convenient for me to do it now

Dev: …Alrighty then.

Interviewer: So I am from HR 😇*pause for effect*

Dev: …

Interviewer: Um, typically candidates start the interview by thanking me for consideration for this role.

Dev: Your job description was very vague so I don’t really know what I would be thanking you for.

Interviewer: 😡. It’s me that’ll be determining whether or not to pass you on to The Management.

Dev: …The Management?

Interviewer: Yes 🤗.

Dev: I’m no longer interested *click*.

Fucking wix advertisements! Getting real tired of the "want a website? Why not make it yourself?" ads. You're already logging all my fucking google searches to display relevant ad info so maybe wrap your head around the fact that I'm a web dev and make my own fucking sites??

Manager: We do not identify as a tech company so don’t expect tech company salary increases this year

Dev: Well don’t expect me to bring a tech work ethic then

Manager: !!

Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments

Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work

Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits

Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness

Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.

Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—

Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!

Dev: …

*In teams meeting with client*

Manager: Yes we can do all of that and it will be actioned very quickly. We will make all of these feature requests top priority. We will set aside everything we are currently working on in order to get this done!

Dev: ...Are you writing any of this down?

Manager: I don't need to, I always remember everything!

Dev: Just so you are aware, I'm not writing anything down. You're going to need to create a ticket with requirements spelled out for each one of these promises you're making otherwise they won't get actioned by the team.

Manager: I know that!

Dev: ...

*Later that day*

Ticket Title: Action client feature requests TOP PRIORITY!!!

Ticket Description: *empty*

Dev: ...

GUYS I GOT MY FIRST JOB, I'M SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF (not a dev job, but I'm still in high school so anything's good enough for me)

Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!

Dev: ...

Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?

Dev: ...

Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!

Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

Me as interviewer: So how often do you post on dev rant and how far are you into game of thrones?

Interviewee: Not a fan and what's dev-

Me as interviewer: Ok I think I have all the info I need

Manager: How come the push to prod didn’t happen?

Dev: We told you at the scrum yesterday. To reiterate, our dev environment was crashing so it’s not safe to push to prod until that is fixed.

Manager: Ok well lets set a goal to fix that and push to prod happens today so that it guaranteed happens.

Dev: That was our goal yesterday and it definitely didn’t happen.

Manager: I AM AWARE OF THAT. The corrective action is that this time compliance with the goal is 100% ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!

Dev: We’ll do our best, can’t guarantee anything until we figure out what the nature of what is occurring on dev though.

Manager: NO. I AM THE BOSS. YOU WILL 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLY WITH THIS. THAT IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL SUCCESSFULLY GET THIS UPDATE OUT TO PROD TODAY. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT SHALL BE CONSIDERED INSUBORDINATION. I WANT STATUS UPDATES EVERY 15 MINUTES ON WHERE WE ARE AT WITH THIS.

Dev: …

Dev: Can I get you to send me that request in an email?

*Manager leaves the meeting*

// *****************************

Job search is ticking along. It’s tough going though because I currently make ~120k and the best offers I’ve received so far are all ~70k because “You only have 2 years experience so you couldn’t possibly have the skills to be worth 120k. You are are junior level developer and 70K is already overpaying for you. We can pay you more later™. No we will not give you that in writing”. Ah well, the hunt continues.

Ok, so I don't work yet and so I've never had to deal with any clients but based on the rants i have read this is how stupid I imagine most of them are.

Dev: Hey, would you like a chocolate bar?
Client: Yeah, sure.
Dev: here:
*hands chocolate bar over*
*client holds it in his hands, opens it and eats it*
Client: Tastes great
Dev: Ok, nice. So about the payment of the project...
*Clients face is swollen and he falls to the ground*
Dev: uhh, what are you doing?
Client *coughing*: Were.. were there nuts in the chocolate bar?
Dev: uhmm, yes. didn't you look at it?
Client: why didn't you tell me??!?!?!? I am allergic to nuts!!
Dev: uhh, I didn't know that. But srsly, did you not look at the wrapping of the fucking chocolate bar??!
Client: I am going to sue you!! You will go to prison!
Dev: Fuck off *leaves the room*

Image of the chocolate bar:

Wait so I'm not allowed Spotify but it's alright for a manager to stream movies?

Don't give that we're not licensed to play music pretty sure we're not a licensed cinema either.

Either it's one rule for all or none at all enjoy your productivity dip from the dev team.

Manager: As you all know I called this meeting to discuss what we will do with all of the extra resources if we are done early. I was thinking a start a new ap—

Dev: We are not going to be done early. There are two weeks left and we are way behind schedule.

Manager: Don’t be so pessimistic! You never know when or how fast tickets will be completed.

Dev: Yes I do…I’m the one doing them

Conversations I've genuinely had at work:

Me: "Do you want some advice understanding that function?"
Dev: "Yeah, please!"
Me: "Get a plastic bag and some super glue..."

Dev: "I think I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!"
Me: "It's just the train of mental bitchslaps coming in the other direction."
... Some time later
Dev:"You were right... "

Dev: "If the system is so unstable, how does it keep working?"
Me: "Do you see any goats in the office?"
Dev: "Uhm no... Why would there be goats?"
Me: "There aren't, now, we ran out."
Dev: "The hell are you talking about?"
Me: "We just sacrifice our own blood to Cthulhu these days, it's cleaner and we didn't have to pay to have all the goats blood and waste matter to be cleaned up. That and it was needlessly cruel to the poor goats and that is why there is no goats and despite conventional logic the app continues to work."

Dev: "So what language is the web app written in?"
Me: "You need to understand I inherited this project, I had nothing to do with it's spawning..."
Dev: "OK, that sounds ominous... How bad is it?"
Me: "Java..."
Dev: "..."

Dev: "So what's it like working on this project? What should I expect?"
Me: "You'll call your grandmother during your lunch break just to know there's a world beyond this project. You'll go home, nose bleeding and you are gonna sit in the shower and rock back and forth, holding yourself and feeling like you're suffering imposter syndrome. You'll question why you joined this team and it'll get inside your head til it's all you think about..."
Dev: "Damn man, why are you still on it?"
Me: "Stockholm syndrome, it's too late for me..."

PM: "You're such a dark person, we're not gonna find you hanging from the lights one day are we?"
Me: "Impossible, we use those industrial fluorescent strip lights, there's no cord to hang from."
PM: "That really wasn't the comforting answer I was looking for."

Head of department: "So I need to apologize, you were never meant to be left on your to manage the product on your own, it's something someone way more senior should have been doing and we reassigned him. It wasn't professional of us, it wasn't fair of us, we're sorry. Truth be told,we're impressed you've not gone mad."
Me: "I think I have. Wibble."

A card goes round work for a sick member of staff I've never met.
Me: "How would you describe her condition?"
Dev: "She said that she 'survived' the surgery."
Me: "Yeah, I'm not great at being appropriate but even I think writing 'glad to hear that you are not dead' in a get well soon card isn't the done thing."

PM: Please get this done by tomorrow. It's just a small change.
Dev: No its not that simple.
PM: Why is it not simple? Please explain so I can understand.
Dev after a hard thought finally explains: blah blah blah
PM: Well, we have promised the client so please do this by tomorrow, thanks.
Dev: *bangwall

As a frontend dev, i love watching our backend devs sometimes go like "hey come on it's just css I can do it real quick, let me do it this time" and get super frustrated with failure. Buddy, one of the reasons frontend is not so easy is that it can be real fucking annoying. I'm keeping my distance and respect for your side so stay the fuck away from my dance floor.

!dev
So my housemate bought a violin. Gone are the days of quiet programming.

(No he is not some kind of virtuoso, even a woodpecker would play it better.)

Dev: Hey, I need you to see something.
Client: ok
Dev: this is the models of those reports you need
Client: ok, wait, what is that number? This is wrong, we can't...
Dev: hey, calm down, this is not the production, it's just fake database!
Client: ah, ok.
(5 minutes of explantion)
Dev: so, what do you think?
Client: just one point, that data is very very wrong, we need to change this ASAP!

At new work, I am supposed to use Windows. So I need to learn how to Dev on Windows. Google is not helping.

Image for reference. And the list goes on...

Been a jr. dev at a company that's badly in need of more devs. So they hire a sr. dev to work w/ me. Dude's got yrs of xp over me, so he should be ramped up in no time, right?

Jk, he doesn't even know the basics of git. Also, his code is shit. If he's not let go anytime soon, at least I'll look awesome relative to this guy come performance reviews ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Boss(Engineer Degree): Did you find any solution?
Dev: Option A is not possible, so i'm analyzing Option B.
Boss:(Sends me the first Google search result of Option B)

My god! I'm in presence of an illuminati! You save my day.

Manager: How’s the progress coming along?

Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow

Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code

Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for

Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*

Dev: …

Client: We are tired of having to go only to specific users to get things actioned, we need everyone to be given admin access so that we can get work done efficiently

Dev: Highly do not recommend that *outlines the likely consequences*.

Client: We don’t care, we DEMAND you do this. We’ll make sure everyone is careful.

Dev: Ok but I warned you. Please submit this request in writing.

Client: Ok, not sure why you would need that. I told you everything would be fine.

*Not even two days later*

Client: HELP!!! OUR DATA IS NOW COMPLETELY MESSED UP. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED THIS IT’S AS IF EVERYONE IS RANDOMLY DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT HOWEVER THEY WANT IN ORDER TO SUITE THEIR OWN NEEDS. IT MAKES NO SENSE HOW THIS HAS OCCURRED. I TOLD EVERYONE SPECIFICALLY TO NOT CAUSE ISSUES!!! WE NEED THIS FIXED A.S.A.P!!!!!!

Dev: …

Dev: This could be sooooo easily optimized...

Me: Uhm. Don't think so. What's your idea?

Dev: Just use threads.

Me: Nope. Problem requires 3 shared resources per process step, it won't be faster by threading. Shared resource will only lead to locking contention, decreasing performance.

Dev: I don't think that will happen. Can you PROOF to ME that this will happen?

Me: It was your suggestion, so you should proof me wrong. Nice try, but no thanks.

Dev: Yeah, but it's too slow and it should run faster.

Me: If you cannot find a better approach than the current one, it runs as fast as it can while providing correct results. That's not slow. That's just working as intended and designed.

Dev: Yeah, but it's still slow.

....

You know these conversations where you just wanna rip some people's face off, stick it in the shit hole they use to talk and toss them out of the window....

Yeah. Had those conversations today.

Not dev related, but if you're in Texas stay safe this weekend.

The power outages are going to suck the most, so remember to save your code every other minute.

Be me, new dev on a team. Taking a look through source code to get up to speed.

Dev: **thinking to self** why is there no package lock.. let me bring this up to boss man

Dev: hey boss man, you’ve got no package lock, did we forget to commit it?

Manager: no I don’t like package locks.

Dev: ...why?

Manager: they fuck up computer. The project never ran with a package lock.

Dev: ..how will you make sure that every dev has the same packages while developing?

Manager: don’t worry, I’ve done this before, we haven’t had any issues.

**couple weeks goes by**

Dev: pushes code

Manager: hey your feature is not working on my machine

Dev: it’s working on mine, and the dev servers. Let’s take a look and see

**finds out he deletes his package lock every time he does npm install, so therefore he literally has the latest of like a 50 packages with no testing**

Dev: well you see you have some packages here that updates, and have broken some of the features.

Manager: >=|, fix it.

Dev: commit a working package lock so we’re all on the same.

Manager: just set the package version to whatever works.

Dev: okay

**more weeks go by**

Manager: why are we having so many issues between devs, why are things working on some computers and not others??? We can’t be having this it’s wasting time.

Dev: **takes a look at everyone’s packages** we all have different packages.

Manager: that’s it, no one can use Mac computers. You must use these windows computers, and you must install npm v6.0 and node v15.11. Everyone must have the same system and software install to guarantee we’re all on the same page

Dev: so can we also commit package lock so we’re all having the same packages as well?

Manager: No, package locks don’t work.

**few days go by**

Manager: GUYS WHY IS THE CODE DEPLOYING TO PRODUCTION NOT WORKING. IT WAS WORKING IN DEV

DEV: **looks at packages**, when the project was built on dev on 9/1 package x was on version 1.1, when it was approved and moved to prod on 9/3 package x was now on version 1.2 which was a change that broke our code.

Manager: CHANGE THE DEPLOYMENT SCRIPTS THEN. MAKE PROD RSYNC NODE_MODULES WITH DEV

Dev: okay

Manager: just trust me, I’ve been doing this for years

Who the fuck put this man in charge.

So, I told my new newbies intern; "Please keep remind yourself, not accidently type 'rm -rf /' as root. You don't want to know what going to happen". He nod.

Next day, in the dev server, "Kernal Panic". Human, full of curiosity.

*Me explaining how to use npm to my colleague (senior dev)*

M: So from the command line you just need to move to the directory with the package.json first

C: Uhm right
C: *types ‘move dir’*

M: Aight just give me the keyboard

How does a senior developer not know how to use cd in a command line?

Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!

Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...

Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.

Meanwhile:

Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!

Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES

Management: ...

Dev: ...

Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"

fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks

jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore

I have to start my best moment last year with a confession: I moved from Dev to Test half a decade ago. Naturally I do a lot of automation. My Best moment was when Dev said my automation code is so well structured that he wants to work on that and not an the production code anymore. Gave me that warm "still got it" feeling 😊

hey everyone, I'm new to Dev rant. not quite sure what to say. so i guess I'll just observe.

cheers

I can't believe how quickly this community has grown! Absolutely amazing to see so many like-minded people I can relate to 😊. Before devRant I had (I shit you not) 1 fellow dev that I could talk to.. Now I have a ton 😄

!rant
Just remembered the project back in my bachelor CS classes. The Prof was so utterly busy that he did not even read my thesis which he had to grade. I once sent him a 2mb bulk from /dev/rand which I piped into 'documentation.pdf' and got an A.

Sometimes the worst professors are the best :D

When you've to explain normal people that you're a dev and not a hacker and so you can't just hack into their ex's Facebook account like it's some magic trick.

!dev

It’s sooo weird.
I’m generally not feeling happy or good or “okay”, I’m almost always rather shitty but just keep going through my day without complaining too much because that’s what most of us do..

Today, for the first time in at least one (very lonely, cold and boring) year, I went outside for a smoke and felt good. No idea why.
Everything was orangy/yellowish outside because of the clouds after the first sunny day in weeks.
Its raining slightly but not so much that you actually get wet.

I just had this feeling of “yea, that’s good enough” which I haven’t had in probably 4-5 years or so.

Maybe it’s because I got a little bit of sun for once and saw other people walking 2m around me, I don’t know..
But it felt good.

Does that feeling sound familiar to anyone or am I just finally going crazy?

I also apologise for my last 50 rants not being about dev or rant but I’m lucky to not have much to rant about in my current job 😅

!dev, sort of

Days like today make me not ready for Monday. Goddamnit nature, why you gotta be so pristine?

Oh, shit, someone wanted dev help or contributors after programming for decades. Shit. That is trolling. THANK YOU N()()B

(@wojtek322) >He he gooosh im sooo nu here
>Is this talk about CODING on DEVRant what you do?
(@wojtek322) >TEHEEHE!
>Maybe I'm a girl you could dig the fuck out
>Maybe not
>But I'll act like one
(@wojtek322) >TEEEHEE HEEE
>So uhhhmmm this talk of C programing language and actual concrete issues
>That's like, uhh, trolling rite?
>Not what you guys are about
-OFCOURSE NOT MAM!, OR TRAN!
-WE ARE NOT ABOUT THAT
(@wojtek322) >Teheheee ok gr8 thx!

Long rant...

*Designer Posted image of newly designed layout for our app on trello.

Dev 1 (me, being the junior, on ios) : so... What's the size for x, Y, z, a, B, C?

She: it's 9 for the small text, 10 for sub title, 12 for main title.

*shows her the design on app
Dev 1: seems too small

She: just make it to look not small.

Dafug?

*finishes the app layout for that screen.
*working on next screen

Dev 1: your new design is for the screen of 1920x1080. But our supported screen size starts from 320 width. So there'll be text overlapping each other and ui might screw up.

She: uh.. Just... Put those that will overlap to the next line.

*shrugs
Dev 1: ok
=======
2 days later
Dev 2 (senior, working on Android)
Dev 2: so... What's the colour for x, Y, z

*Dev 1 laughs on the inside because of the struggles we have with her.

Dev 1 to Dev 2: is it common for her not to follow the design guidelines?

Dev 2: yeah man.. We just have to adapt her design into our app guidelines.

*sigh

Dev 2: there's a new icon here on this screen, so you wanna change the icon? Can I have the icon file?

She: oh.. No.. Use back the old one, because I just copy and paste.

Dev 1: so... This progress bar of yours, doesn't show its background colour, because you filled it already. So what's the background colour if the bar isn't filled?

She : hmm.... Oh.. Well.. Maybe try x.. ? *doesn't look nice* how about Y? *doesn't look nice* how about...

Me : why not you try in your computer first instead of me changing it here by code, it's much faster this way.

*seriously, wth?

Dev 1 and 2: there's additional text in your new design, what is it for?

She : oh.. No no. I copied extra due to copy and paste. Just ignore it.

Dev 1 and 2: what's the spacing gap between x and Y? And how about the size of the box?

She : oh.. I just estimate it, and for the box, not sure either, you can follow old design, because I'm just putting a box there for illustration purpose.

Mother fickle, what fuck man.

Dev 1 and 2: *flips table.
*we didn't, but.. It's freaking annoying.

I'm not new here but never posted anything... I figured I'd pop that cherry! Hi everyone I enjoy reading all of your rants so much <3 love to the dev community !

Dev: Hay dude , look this page is broken, how long has it been like this.
Me: No? 🤔, Weren't you working on the Database for this yesterday?
Dev: I didn't change anything yet...
Me: Okay, let's do a git bisect and see where this came from.
...After going back in history and checking out like 3 commits.
Dev: It's fine I'll just search for it
Me: 😕, that's what we are doing the bisect for?
Dev: But we've already looked at so many!?
...After some time of convincing, finds good commit, does the bisect and finds offending piece of code. The database details changed.
Me: okay so while it's still pointing to the old database it's working but switch it to the latest one and it breaks. You sure you didn't change anything?
Dev: I didn't do anything.
Me: okay well it seems to me like it must be a database issue, let me know what you find.
10min later...
Dev: Hay dude, soo I found it, I accidentally renamed a table
In my mind: 😲😲😲

I hate working at a company with bad practices like saving database config into git and not making a copy of the database when you intend to work on it, and not edit the f'ing live instance! Not even close to the luxury of migrations.

So I just got let go because there was not enough work to keep me full time. Yet my manager was farming out dev work to a 3rd party developer... Fml

When your fellow dev insists on leaving no space between his CSS selector and the curly bracket.
I'm sure he does it just because he knows it winds me up.
I'm not so sure he knows I just run a beautifier on his files to fix it.

Joined a new company / team to work on an iOS app that has 2 different backend environments "Dev" and "Prod". Also being referred to in iOS speak as "Debug" and "Release".

Been trying to get accounts on these backends (no sign up in app, its controlled via another process). Eventually get access to "Dev" for one of the regions, so I load up "Debug" and its not working.

This is odd, so I open the Android app and load "Dev" and it works? I then Notice Android has "Dev", "QA", "Staging" and "Prod" for every region where as iOS only has 2 of these.

So I go back to iOS and find the file for the settings and it has iOS Debug assigned a variable for the backend Dev ... which is actually pointing to QA. Because they use QA to Debug and not Dev.

... confused? join the club

So...new intern , table paired to mine , get my hopes up that it's hopefully not another stuck up uni kiddo , hopes get ruined . He asked me my name and what I do , when I told him I do product security his reaction was 'oh so you're not a dev ?' . Go.eat.shit.and.choke.with.those.alienware.headphones. he didn't even listen to what I had to say about that , just put on his headphones and ignored me . Prick.

A dev I know has changed his LinkedIn job title to “software extraordinaire”

... and he’s hopeless so it’s not even true

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE A FREELANCER/WEB DEV AND TYPE SO FUCKING SLOW AND HAVE TROUBLE WITH FUCKING LETTERS ALL THE TIME?!

I'm gonna push this mother fucker so hard that he will learn not to "lie" in an interview never again and become a fucking dev.

!dev

In the US, when a technician or something says "yeah anywhere from 8am to 7pm" they will show up around 6pm.

In Germany, however, if they say "8am to 7pm" they're at your door at 7am, knocking loudly and unapologetically.

Yes, please, checking my heaters is so urgent, please do it right now. There's not a moment to lose. Don't worry, it's not like we were still asleep.

>_>

As a primarily back end dev, I'm not very good at design. So i wrote a Ruby script to download free html + css templates... all 3600+ of them 😐

Dear coworker,

We have a very nice SASS setup so WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU POLLUTING OUR HTML WITH INLINE STYLES!?!?!? It's not like it's even necessary to use inline in this case, I can achieve the same thing by just moving your styling to the scss files. So I ask again, WHY THE FUCK???

Sincerely,
A mildly pissed person who hates front-end dev work

The past few weeks were not so good to me, but guess what, I got hired today. And now, i'm thankful that i got rejected from the previous ones. Wish me luck on my career as a junior dev. :)

SOO.
I work at a grocery store, right. Cashier and all ya know, livin the dream. And whoever manages our product database. Needs to get thekr stuff together. We managed to confirm the DB isn't the same across the the registers. So now I have a bunch of stupid pictures of barcodes in my phone so I can make error reports for each and every single item that doesn't ring up. I know not ready dev related. But a dev somewhere is slacking

Why is there such a big hatred towards PHP ? I have recently started backend dev in Laravel and it seems to be a pretty good framework. Most E-commerce frameworks are based on PHP as well. If PHP is so bad then why is it so widely used ?

I am not trying to defend PHP , but I genuinely want to know what's wrong with it ? I might switch to other backend tech then.

Creative dev compliments? Wow, that shows what type of person I am. I only know creative dev insults. Okay let me give it a go!

Wow, I'm gonna star that on GitHub!

Good work! I'm gonna put a shortcut to that right here on my desktop (in the same tone as "I'm gonna hang that on the fridge")

You're so meticulous that the unit tests are to make sure the computer works correctly, not your code.

If you were a web server, you'd always return 200/OK.

Your parents must have compiled you with -Ofast

Because DevOps in a lot of organizations is really “help desk for clueless developers”, conversations like this happen a lot:

Dev “hey the thing seems to be not working right”

Me “what does that even mean? I need you to be a good deal more specific. What thing. What isn’t working?”

Dev “I dunno”

Me “Are there error messages?”

Dev “yes”

Me “….would you like to share them with me?”

Dev *sends error*

Me “ok did you actually read this error message?”

Dev “yes”

Me “…so you’re good then? It says you’re trying to use a variable that hasn’t been declared yet. You should fix that. “

Dev “…”

Me “good luck”

Not dev related but still a rant:

My company decided that all the network traffic should go throu a virus scanner. But they don't know what the fuck they are doing, so now EVERY valid SSL cert gets rejected by our browsers because the virus-scanner breaks the SSL encryption.

Anyone open for a pishing attack?

Husband's birthday. Out in downtown Wiesbaden celebrating if any german ranters are nearby. I suck at planning so i'm sorry for the late notice

On negotiation and signing contract
================================
manager: yes you will work 8 hours a day from Tatta hours to Tat tat ta hours.
dev: okay great, i accept it. So no overtime and everythings right?
manager: that we will consider.
dev: hmm okay
=========================

Start working for about 1 month
=========================
manager: John, you not showing up at the office today? What happened?
dev: Sir, I have to stay up all night finished the last task as required and just sleep around 6am in the morning.
manager: John, i need to tell you. your performance is very great. Our clients are happy.
You deliver all the task. We love you, John.
dev: Yes thank you so much. I am happy too, but i need to sleep now i been over time for the last 3 weeks.
Manager: don't worry john, you will get reward later.
===================================
Weeks later:
dev: i need to request for leave, i am over work and now i am sick, my eye got red and cannot look at the screen.
manager: what is happening this month, you been late to work and you not deliver the task, you are sick and this and that, and depressed and whatever... tata taata,
dev: sir, when i first started you said i could only have to work 8 hours a day, now I work more than 12 hours day. What's change?
================================
life as devs in tough companies, high expectation and shit.

RETARD MASTER: So how did you feel about this sprint DEV?

*nothing is planned, new tickets added each day and old ones removed - inconsistent sprint*

DEV: Well, it’s a bit chaotic, but it’s understandable. I’m used to it. Nothing’s to blame here. Client can’t produce their end of the bargain on time.

*3 week later*

DEV MANAGER: So RETARD MASTER gave a feedback. He told me you insulted him.

DEV: Can I please die now? Not funny.

This is my current dev/personal desktop, im not humble, im just poor! I just need to finish my studies so I can get a job!

A dev posts a link to his website on a dev group I admin, first thing said site does is ask for my location. I look, no map not logically apparent reason for it, so I close the site.

Ask they guy why he is asking for such private info and he responds to tell me that he does not think a person's exact location is that private, and if he really wanted it he would just use the IP address.

Like how many fucking levels of dense is that.

A question for all the front-end developers of devRant. How the fuck do you get a really good color scheme for a website?

P. S. I am not a front-end dev so please simple words

Having trouble logging into an app I am suppose to be working on with another dev. Debugging and found this:

// TODO: Temporary Optional because the API is not working properly

... i'm not happy for so many reasons

I'm doing my own sci-fi D&D story and need some new weapons! So why not use programming names? 🤔

So far:
voidpointer
nullifier
destructor
finalizer

One player is also a dev and I want to trigger him as hard as I can 😈

So I was looking for restaurants and this is the website of one in my area. Not sure if minimalistic design or just writen html in text editor. Maybe he hired a dev who took "will only take 30min" too seriously.

I ran across this middle school question on Facebook and the most common answer is 9.... I try to have faith in humanity. I really do.... just so its clear (I assume if you're a dev you understand the order of operations and I'm not talking to you), the answer is 59.

Don't you feel sometimes like you may not be as good dev as you think you are? Like all you do is search for chunks of code in stackoverflow so you can assamble a semi functional project.

I'm having one of those days, and it just feels like shit.

!dev

I'm so goddamm fucking tired of this fucking shitty ed sheeran fucking.

Fuck ed sheeran, fuck this bland predictible squared music.

I mean, not him, the music.

Jesus fucking christ, every fucking uber I take this shit ass song is playing.

I heard this song like 50 times already, I'm not even fucking kidding.

This is the musical equivalent of being a passive smoker.

I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm leaving this company in less than a month and I'm so fucking pissed. No matter how fast I work, I ALWAYS end up not getting PR reviews FOR WEEKS. I POSTED A PATCH FOR AN ABSOLUTE BLOCKER THAT HAS MAYBE 20 LINES AND I STILL DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING REVIEWS A WEEK LATER. WHAT THE FUCK. Not to mention that bigger feature I've been working on that blocks subsequent dev steps. It's been, what, a month? And not a single review. The fuck am I supposed to do?

When I worked in a non-dev env, the best part was that I was done with work after working hours. I didn't stress out or even think about the issues. It was something for tomorrow or someone else to worry about. And so, I was not mentally exhausted and stressed out all the damn time.

So, I shall try to bring that mentality to my dev life too. With this new position I'm starting soon, I really want to do well for at least a few years. And that would need me to chill the fuck out. Particularly after work.

“Overhearing powers of the Fullstack dev”

We have an internal control panel (BEEP) to manage our dev Tomcat instances. The other day, with one of my muggle friend, I was trying to restart an instance. There’s a checkbox to clean the host tmp files and directories, ingeniously named as - Purge cache.

Innocent Me (to my muggle friend): bro would Purge cache delete the application log files?

__(Fullstack dev overhearing us)__

Muggle friend: Purge ca... (gets interrupted my the Fullstack dev)

Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like ... (gotta be consistent with the opening) what “npm purge” does is it deletes the files which are not being used.

Confused Muggle friend: bro it’s a BEEP option to clean the tmp dirs.

Fullstack dev: oh I thought you guys were talking about “npm purge”

Angry muggle friend: then WHY THE FUCK did you answer if you didn’t know [...] the fuck we were talking about.

Calm fullstack dev: FYI. Might help you someday.

Deeply-hurt Me: (what the fuck is “npm purge”). Hey man do you mean “npm prune”? Because they don’t have an npm purge. And what do you mean by “it deletes the files which are not being used”?

Confident Fullstack dev: NO

Me: (cries in npm)

More to come!

Me: We have a new research project for you. We need you to test these 2 new services, see how they will fit into the new application, look at alternatives if necessary etc. At the end we need you to write a report with your findings, showing how you would integrate them to achieve X, Y and Z, and how much it would cost each month.

Dev: sounds good, I'll come back to you when I have it.

*2 and a half weeks later*

Document paragraph 1: The new language translation service doesn't support the languages we need.

Document paragraph 2: Here's my proposal for integrating the new language translation service.

*review*

Me: So I had a look at the doc and it says it doesn't support the languages.

Dev: yeah unfortunately not.

Me: Ok, so when you discovered that, why didn't you look for an alternative? Or come back to me and say it's not going to work.

Dev: I dunno, I thought you'd want to see the rest of the research first.

Me: ... not if we know for 100% undeniable fact that it will never function.

Dev: Ah ok, I didn't think of that. I'll do that next time, don't worry.

... aw how sweet, he thinks there will be a next time. Poor guy.

I absolutely love the dev community but one thing I just can't stand is the snobbery that permeates it. I don't understand why some devs expect non devs to know or understand the intricacies of computer programming or even computers in general when it's really not their job to do so.

"Ahhhhh!! How DARE this non dev PEASANT ask me about hacking Facebook accounts!! Does he NOT understand the basics of DNS spoofing and social engineering!!1!!1! bahh"

There's nothing that screams "junior" more than a graduate dev dressed up in a suit awkwardly posing for a LinkedIn photo.

Seriously, stop it, and stop listening to whoever tells you to don a suit so you're taken seriously. Maybe in marketing, HR or finance - but that's not how devs think, or hire people.

So a new dev had an issue, if the wrong credentials are in the code it will crash because the unauthorised error isn't being handled.

I physically added the error handler, to his code, on his machine ... 3 days later it's not there.

Asked him and he says "sorry I must have deleted it"

... that's grounds for dismissal right? ... like ... seriously

This is not a troll q, im gebuinely interested.

What sets spa frameworks (say react) apart from a templating engine and some dom fuckery? To me it seems they are all just syntactic sugar on top of these two very basic things (plus routing), but admittedly im not a frontend dev so im asking more experienced people here.

You know you are going down a dark rabbit hole when you are thinking about buying the 2019 iPod just so you have an iOS dev device...

(Finding a used iPhone in Australia for less or equal to $300 is just not a possibility)

!dev
can you guys suggest me good TV/Anime series with few seasons or episodes so I can use my Sunday. Not in a mood for work.

* Teams meeting, doing some early testing with the client *

Dev Team: This is an early build, so please be aware that bugs can occur at this stage. (That's why we didn't want to show it but you insisted)

Client: Sure, don't worry.

* 15 minutes later, first bug happens because some state management at the front end was not tunned yet *

Client: Can you solve this bug?

Dev Team: Sure, just let us replicate it and we come back to you as soon as...

Client: Can you solve it now?

Dev Team: ... Okay, let us ser whats happening and we will come ba...

Client: You don't need to hang up, just solve it.

*Dev Team internal chat*

Me: Fuck
Other dev: Fuck
My leader at the time: Fuuuuuck

PS: This happened in two separate occasions. I hated that project.

dev: “I want to start working on [feature]”

Me: “I already started to work on it, sorry for not mentioning it, we need specs from design team before I can go on, but I’d suggest going for another task meanwhile”

Manager: “noooo design is very very busy, [dev] will take care of it.”

Me: “[dev] still needs specs from the design team... and I am half done with it so no real point in re-writing the same code I wrote”

Manager: “just trust me, we do this and [dev] takes care of it.”

*me and [dev] look at each other perplexed and just nod to the manager cause it’s Thursday and the fucks to give are over*

... am I actually a patient in an asylum? I question my sanity after this exchange of words.

!dev

i made some dice for displaying health, when playing Magic the Gathering.
They're not exactly fair, but you also don't roll them. I ordered the numbers in a way, so whenever you loose or gain health, you don't need to look for the next/previous number, since it's always nearby.

They're made using a resin printer and painted with oil based lacquer.

So I'm in charge of planning how the projects are gonna be dealt with from now on and today my boss just emailed a list of changes to another dev, with the following fuck ups:

- I'm not copied
- He already did most of it
- It doesn't even exists on our Trello board
- Obviously not thought out and unplanned Bullshits that might change once again...

I was so fucking pissed that I didn't have a reaction, I'm absolutely gonna talk to him tomorrow first thing...

Fuck my boss.
He's making me do non-dev work that I'm absolutely not qualified to do and he's even writing to me on Slack to make me do some of it outside my working days.
I'm getting so fucking anxious whenever I'm trying to work with this shit because I have no fucking clue what exactly am I supposed to do.
FUCK

I'm not a web dev but I am pretty sure it is not so easy!
TNW just lost it's respect from me for this click bait!

Last week: Resigned from my current job as a front end dev, mostly due to incompetence in upper middle management.

Yesterday: knowledge transfer to backend dev who aspires to become full stack.
"
- So how does the designer deliver the CSS to the code ?
- He doesn't, he just sends the prototype, we make it work...
- The manager told me that the front end team did not touch CSS.
*fuzzy find ". styles"*
- So these are the 40 some files that appeared here magically.'
"

Today:
New git flow policy's in place. Pull requests are now outside the flow and are entirely optional.

This is gonna be the tits...

Today is Day Two of my Dev Ops Internship.

The only tasks I have been assigned today is GDPR compliance training, which I did not realize could be stretched out into so much repetitive detail.

I also sat in a meeting with a dev who committed his artifact builds to git and now needs us to remove them for him.

Also, I keep getting called Dylan. My name is not Dylan.

So my startup warned me last night that I would have to pitch. Goddamn guys, really?! Pitch for a minute in front of ... PEOPLE?! WTF were they thinking?! I'm a fucking dev, not a HR guy for crying out loud

Hey guys, I have a serious question for you: How do you define science?

And yes this is going to be a long Rant. This topic really pisses me off.

A bit of context first. I come from a "humanities" background. I study history and dude, I love it. The problem is that even though we fucking pull our brains out studying historical phenomena with a fucking ton of conceptual tools, our work is mostly seen as literature to entertain the elderly during their lonely evenings. But that's not really the point of this rant.

My fucking problem is that while we try to do some serious work; actual work that could help society for real, it all goes into that magical fucking kingdom called "humanities". HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DARE TO CALL SOMETHING "HUMANITIES". IT'S A FUCKING HISTORICAL TERM THAT MEANS "TO FULFILL MEN IN ALL IT'S ASPECTS", AND NOW THEY'VE REPURPOSED IT, MAKING IT CONTAIN ANY STUDY THAT ISN'T "EMPIRICAL", "OBJECTIVE", ADD ANY FUCKING SCIENTIFIC DELUSIONARY TERM YOU CAN THINK OF.

And don't get me started on "objectivity". Oh boy, your fucking objectivity is hollow as a kid's balloon. There is no such thing as a objective study, even when it applies your "rational" "godly" scientific method. Some guys follow that shit as if it was a fucking religion. I do understand it's useful and all that, but in the end it's just a tool, you can't fucking define "science" by it's tools.

"""Q: What is carpintery?
A: Well, it's hammers, nails and wood. Yep. Hammers, nails and wood."""

THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD WAS FUCKING INVENTED DURING THE XVIII CENTURY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WAS GALLILEI BEFORE THAT? "HUMANITIES"?

Why do I say objectivity isn't posible? Well, guess what? YOU ARE FUCKING HUMAN. Every thing you know is full of preconceptions and fucking cultural subjectivities invented to understand the world. And it's ok, becouse if you understand your own subjectivity, at least you can see yourself in a critical sense, and at least "tend" to objectivity, in the same way functions tend to infinity.

And here comes the best part: people studying "cs" in my university pass most of the time studying a ton of shit that isn't really science, but is taken as scientific becouse it is related to "science". These guys spend entire semesters just learning programming fundational stuff that in my opinion isn't really science, it's just subjective conceptual constructs built to make the coding process better. They only have TWO fucking classes on discrete mathematics and another 3 or 4 in actual scientific fields related to computing. THESE GUYS AREN'T FUCKING BEING TAUGHT TO BE COMPUTER SCIENTISTS; THEY ARE TEACHING THEM TO BE PROGRAMMERS. THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CS AND PROGRAMMING AND THAT IS THE WORD SCIENCE. And yes, I'm being drastic on the definition of science on purpose becouse guess fucking what? I'M PISSED OFF.

"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Just doing science with scrum and agile development."

I understand most of you guys would think of science as "the application of the scientific method", "Knowledge by experimentation and peer-review", "anything techy". Guys, science is a lot broather than that. I define it as "the search for truth", mainly becouse that's what we are all doing, and what humans have been doing to gain knowledge through the ages. It doesn't matter what field of truth you are seeking as long as you do it seriously and with fundaments. I don't fucking care if you can't be objective: that's impossible. Just acknowledge it and continue investigating accordingly.

I believe during the last centuries the concept of science has been deformed by the popular rise of both natural and applied sciences. And I love the fact that these science fields have been growing so much all this time, but for fucks sake don't leave every other science (science as I define it) behind. Governments and corporations make huge mistakes becouse they don't treat history, politics and other sciences seriously. Yes, I called history a "science", fuck you.

And yes, by my definition programming is not a science. I don't know what most of you think programming is, but for me it's a discipline that builds stuff, similar to carpintery or blacksmithing. Now if you are pushing the limits, seeking ways to make computing go further, then that's science. The guys that are figuring out AI are scientists, the guys that are using it to detect hotdogs aren't - unless they are the same person- deal with it. I guess a lot of you guys are with me on this point.

In the end, we are all artisans building abstract tools by giving orders to a machine.

I still have some characters left, so I want to thank the community as a whole for letting me vent my inner rage. I don't have much ways to express myself on these matters, so for me DevRant is a bless.

fuck this!
spent an hour trying get my website working (on a raspberry) ... no errors, dev tools gave nothing, php gives nothing mySQL related... weird.. debugged my code for an hour when it me... db on my pc for testing is not the same one as the "production" server. i am so fucking stupid... i need some sleep

4 months into the journey at an ambitious streaming startup we, a team of 10 engineers (primarily full stack), sets up a tiny and performant express.js api setup.
We document plans for improving the maintainability, including outlining specific practices (not very different from general node best practices) that need to be followed for all new development.

Enter a new engineering manager (dedicated backend manager), henceforth referred to as S, with a rat face and brain that belongs in a rat hole.

Week 1:
S: let's push this new feature out asap
Dev: it'll need a couple of weeks to get done right
S: let's push out a functional version tomorrow, and revamp in the next iteration
Dev: ... (long pause) there's documented practices specifically directing against this
S: can you not do it by tomorrow
Dev: not if it needs to be done right
S: all you need to do is.. (simplifies changes spanning 5 modules into a 3 line summary)
Dev: yes, (outlines how each changes chains into the others, and how to keep the development maintainable for atleast a few months)
S: (interrupts every sentence saying "yes dev, I understand, yes yes")
Dev: could you please tell me how you expect me to connect (outlines two modules that would fail unless developed as standalone services)
S: Yes dev, I understand, yes yes. I don't have much experience with Node.js, so I can't tell you that.

Dev:
<_<
>_>
O_<

Our.. entire.. backend.. stack.. is.. Node. (Months of motivation, cultivated through hard work over late nights, dies inside)

I need a J and some sleep.

!dev

i am so lucky to have a good memory. i am not the best problem solver, but i remember lots of previous solution. being a dev has really help my thought processes though.

tldr; i told my gf i'd get an ass tattoo of her choice if i got a 1500+ on the sat and now i'm nervous because after looking online i can't find a single math question i got wrong.

I kinda hate to admit it but they were right. Data structures and algorithms are kinda the shit and you should try to learn and appreciate them. Not just so you’ll use them. But in that learning them helps you become a better problem solver.

There’s a self taught dev that my company works with for really bespoke applications. A senior dev that works with him and helps manage the development process told me that the dev in question doesn’t really know how to implement the finer details. Very telling indeed.

I'm a dev and I like to rant

And who says it has to always be about Dev stuff ?

So!!! I ve spent 2 days as a junior dev and I feeel not well... 1) I am the worst dev in the company with no experience 2) brain-dead 3) feel like I wasted 2 days and learnt nothing, I guess in theory it's something but realistically I had no "it clicked" /pure genius /astounded myself / made major new brain connections moments

So what's going to happen now. ? When will I wake up? How do I wake up ?

After 1 year of working as android dev and coding in java, finally switched to another startup where everything is in Kotlin where I will be the only one maintaining that project.

Me: This code has almost no comments
Senior dev: Code is pretty self explanatory

FML

At least she spent 4 days with me and walked me through the code, so I'm not totally lost which is great!

Dev side not really, but we're in the tourism industry, so it's pretty bad. Rough out there

After wasting 30 minutes on slack, Asked a dev where he was, so I could go to his fucking seat to help him fix his issue.

Dude sent me his pwd from shell.

Idk what's the worst part, it's not my job to help him fix issues and I'm trying anyway, or that this guy is the topper from my class in college...

You know what's fucking horrible?

Implementing new features to an Android app in production that another dev wrote...

...which has no architecture, no documentation, no modularity, no testability, everything runs on the UI thread, filled with spaghetti code and it somehow works smoothely so I have to not fuck it up.

Oh and I'm also a junior. So fuck me, right?

!rant

I know it's not that impressive in the dev world, but I'm finally making six figures (the lowest six figure value possible but STILL) and I can't really brag to my friends about dollar amounts so HURRAH. Accepted the offer yesterday, and I'm quite pleased about it.

Annoyed that it took so long (I'm 29), but I did have a two year long career break for a family medical issue/travel/quarter life crisis, so so it goes.

Today I solved the problem assigned to me by changing one character. Simplest fix ever. Except that this problem is not on my project, and I don't have control over this project, so I can't merge my pull request or deploy the code, and the dev that does hasn't answered email today, and he's not scheduled out, and he's not in his office. Whatever, I'm just gonna say it's fuck it Friday and call it a week.

While I'm not a dev, I do love computers and I do know my way around them, so friends/family often ask me for tech support.

Friend: Please fix my computer!

Me: what's wrong with it?

Friend: *sends me pic of blue screen of death*

Me: ...

Me: I don't think you understand

So, I'm heading back down the rabbit hole. I did some web dev (backend) on the side years ago, but I've been out of the game since. I want to change up careers at this late date and I had forgotten how cathartic manipulating raw code could be. So now I'm relearning and learning all kinds of good stuff via the internets and was excited to find this community. Not much of a ranter but this should be fun.

My brother (not a dev) asked me for help for his A* algorithm he's trying to optimize.

I'm so proud

This rant is about people's random shit in devrant, as a matter of fact, please let me remind you of the meaning of DEV-RANT:

- Dev : technical people only
- Rant : You should scream your guts out here

Memes, Adverts, slice of life, all these weirdo contents are not made for this platform, you have instagram for that ....

So please people. stop telling us that you have ADHD or that you sell some shit because we are supposed to be DEVS RANTING, and sharing our missfortune.

Dev rant is a place where we can vent out, and be comforted by your peers ...

Fuck you spammers !

A year ago I was hired as a Jr dev to assist the senior dev because he was so busy. Within 2 months he was pushed out and I replaced him. I thought maybe he just got busy with other things or found a new job.

After working alone this past year, I was told last week that since I am so busy with things outside the job, they were hiring someone to help me finish the project I'm currently on.

(for context : I work as a contracted dev for a small dev company of 5 or so people. One for each language/os.)

I can't help but think that I'm probably being pushed out and replaced. I flat out asked that, but never got a reply. Now I'm 70% through a project and disgruntled with everything. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel really.

If they want to replace me for one reason or another that's fine, I just wish they weren't shady about it.

I should probably be working right now, but I'm going to take my kids to the pet store to clear my head. I'll enjoy a little time away from my computer.

TL;DR: When picking vendors to outsource work to, vet them really well.

Backstory:
Got a large redesign project that involves rebuilding a website's main navigation (accessibility reasons).
Project is too big just for our dev team to handle with our workload so we got to bring a 3rd party vendor to help us. We do this often so no big deal.
But, this time the twist was Senior Management already had retained hours with a dev shop so they want us to use them for project. Okay...

It begins:
Have our scope / discovery meeting about the changes and our expected DevOps workflow.

Devs work Local and push changes to our Github, that kicks off the build and we test on Dev, then it goes to Staging for more testing & PM review. Once ready we can push to prod, or whenever needed. All is agreed, everyone was happy.

Emailed the vendors' project manager to ask for their devs Github accounts so we can add them to the project. Got no reply for 3 days.

4th day, I get back "Who sets up the Github accounts?"

fuck me. they've never used Github before but in our scope meeting 4 days ago you said Github was fine...??

Whatever, fuck it. I'll make the accounts and add them.

Added 4 devs to the repo and setup new branch. 40min later get an email that they can't setup dev environment now, the dev doesn't know how to setup our CMS locally, "not working for some reason."

So, they ask for permission to develop on our STAGING server.. "because it's already setup"... they want to actively dev on our staging where we get PM/Senior Management approvals?

We have dev, staging, production instances and you want to dev in staging, not dev?... nay nay good sir.

This is whom senior management wants us to use, already paid for via retainer no less. They are a major dev shop and they're useless...

😢😭

Cant wait for today's progress checkup meeting. 😐😐

/rant

I just want to take a moment to appreciate how lovely and non-aggressive the subscription process for a Mozilla dev newsletter is.

They show a list of topics like
- Mozilla tech
- add on mails
etc

Only the dev newsletter is preselected by default and the rest are unsubscribed by default.

So if I just submit, I'll just get dev mails and I can subscribe to the rest only if I want to.

This is so much better than chrome or other Google bullshit where if I subscribe to a dev newsletter I'm automatically subscribed to every single piece of shit mail available.

You go Mozilla. Thanks for not being a piece of shit.

Had an odd bug today. No rubber duck in sight so I started using my friend (who is not a dev) as a rubber duck. He was *not* amused.

But I did figure out the bug!!

How effective is to have my own webpage where I can show my portfolio for the company recruiters?

Do they really take the time to see the page?

If positive, what host do you recommend?

I'm not in the web dev environment btw, so it's not that obvious.

Here at the client site everyone uses Windows 7, since this is not an IT firm. They make jewellery. So I don't blame them.
The problem is their in house dev team are also forced to use Windows.

Today someone from their dev team was with me for a new project. Their senior guy sent us a mail mentioning that the project code is on AWS EC2 instance and we will have to SSH to see it.
I checked the code on my MacBook with SSH and copied it to local using SCP. The dev guy was seeing it in amazement. I asked, what's it?

He just asked, "You don't have to use PUTTY" 😮

I smirked 😏

CTO: We can't keep getting egg on our face letting these simple mistakes through. We value your expertise, please speak up.
QA: This looks fucky, should it look this fucky?
*crickets*
Dev: That is dangerously fucky.
QA: Ticket time.
PM: Hey Dev, I know it's not your AOE, but I need to assign it, and you spoke on it so here's your ticket.
Dev: *dies inside*

!dev Job hunting is so exhausting. Nowadays it's not enough to have two degrees and some certificates. No, you have to 'prove' your worth by also showing really complex, enterprise-level projects you made on GitHub. Yes, why don't you make it more difficult to find a job. lol

I just found out our junior dev has not been reading any of her e-mails coming from JIRA.

So when her tickets were being pushed back / commented on, she had no idea.

[tl;dr at the bottom]
(Project Team Group Chat)
dev: @Desing team, i have a question, there's a required field missing in you design, can i go to your desktop to get an quick answer/explanation about that?
design team:....
dev: hello..?
PM: [writes a huge text to tell me that i can not interrupt them even if its a blocker and that we (dev team) shoul write them down and tell them only once a day in the scrum meeting]
dev: uuumm ok

-next day-
dev: so about that field, why did you...
Client: WHAT? There's a problem with the design!? oh boy, lets re-check every view right now with the whole team!
(it took like 2 hours, the field was missing just because they forgot that feature)
PM: okay, @DesingTeam, answer any questions from developers when they ask you...

tl;dr
we spent almost two hours with the client just because desing team didn't want to answer me a little question

Sitting with two of my friends

Me: You ever get a random eye ache? But like you actual eye not like that migraine behind it

Friend 1: Yes
Friend 2: Wtf? No

So the other dev knows what I'm on about but the civilian doesn't... interesting

me making new dev friends

[...]
me: yeah that's cool what IDE are you using for C++?
guy: like an editor where I write the code?
me: ......yes?
guy: hold on, I don't know what it was called
> taps around his desktop
> guy shows word 2007
> I'm laughing a bit uncomfortably because I'm not sure whether he is serious or not
> guy opens up .cpp file in word
> so many questions
> mfw

Hi, I and my dev are finishing our First Game, it's an application because u know, everyone have a smartphone... but this's not the point. I'm an IT student but I didn't graduate yet (maybe next year 🙊) but my dev did a year ago, (yup is older than me), but the fun fact is that I didn't write a single line of code (for this game) because my dev chose me only for my drawing skills 😎 (OK as a future dev I feel a little noob and scared, but no problem I love drawing, even more than programming, less frustrating😉.. sometimes) BTW, this project took 1 year of cooperation and before this an other year (to my dev to learn C# and unity), now we are so close and proud of our creation. As soon as possible I will show you everything 😁 a concept art of our zombie's face just to prove something
p.s. this app an this community it's so funny and, well, kind :)

Most Devs I've met have been rational, so I'm fortunate enough to not have had a fight with a dev.

There was, however, one guy. Had to collaborate with him on a web app. I would fight with him almost everyday to not use deprecated tags, use proper CSS, not hack something together because it just works and the list goes on too long.

But I never succeeded in convincing him. Learnt that no matter how much you try, you cannot convince someone stupid

Dev industry develop so fast. This is because information available anywhere in the internet and people try to learn any programming language they want . But only few know whether they following secure coding practice or not

But the thing is most of Dev people dosent care about security. They focus just to develop a application but not to secure it?

One stubborn (but not very good) dev working on one part of new project (Windows desktop application with C# underneath) decided he didn’t like the interfaces we were agreeing for the algorithmic code.

Instead of discussing with the team (we were still very much in design phase), he made his own interfaces with the same name but in a different namespace, and in his assembly rather than in the base library. He was senior to the rest of the dev team, so when we raised our concerns he pulled rank and just carried on.

I resigned not long after that.

We have pretty fast and lean dev process between QA/Design/Devs.

But sometimes, it's going to shit ;p

QA :
An option "ROLE" is missing for grouping in that table.
So 5 min to create ticket, assign someone from design on it

Design : Yeah, this is true. We missed that option in our design.
Proceds to modift figma by adding an option "Role" to a drop down.

Reasigned to Junior dev.

Junior dev : I have no clue how grouping works with graphql.

So at least 30 min.

Reasigned to me.

Me after 1 min of looking at it : PR chhanges on screen shot :

Facepalm... Everyhtibng was already in place, someone forgot to add id AND name, not just name.

Git blame => Or never mind... it was me..

A newly joined developer (who was supposed to be very senior) comes and asks me how to write a test cos for some reason the person didn't know how to mock.

In Java,
(same for any other implementation which has an interface)
Writes Arraylist list =.....
Instead of List list = Arraylist...

Deployed code (another engineer from another country helped to deploy since this new senior dev didn't have access yet.

But the new senior dev didn't update relevant files in production code which brought down the site for nearly an hour. Mistake aside, the first reaction from this new senior dev is 'WHY DIDN'T THE DEV THAT WAS HELPING DIDN'T DO THE FILE UPDATE?'

This was followed by some other complaints such as our branching stragies are wrong. When in fact the new senior dev made a mistake by just making assumptions on our git branching strategies and we already advised on correct process.

Out of all these, guess this is the best part. The senior dev never tested code locally! Just wrote code, unit test and send to QA and somehow the test passed through. I learnt this when I realised this dev... has not even set up the local environment yet.

I keep saying new but this Senior dev been around like 3 months! This person is in another team within our larger team but shares same code base. I am puzzled how do you not set up your environment for 3 months. Don't you ask for help if you are stuck? I am pretty sure the env is still not setup.

Am I over reacting or is this one disgusting developer who doesn't even qualify for an intern let alone a senior dev? It's so revolting I can't even bring myself to offer help.

I've not had any good dev/CS teachers and learned all by myself.
So I guess I am the chosen one.

I feel like I got my current job as my first dev job so I would know what NOT to do and what to avoid for my next job.

*So I have a function where the date is formatted as 20180317 and get returned if I pass a date to it.*
Junior Dev: I'm selecting March as a month but it's showing 20180217 and not 20180317, what should I do?
Me: I've written function for formatting date just go there and there will be date.getMonth() just add 1 to it by doing +1.
Junior Dev: It's still not working!!!.
So I went there and checked what she did, and she did this .....
date.getMonth(+1);

Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Really.........

Aye, I almost fight with everybody at work(they always think it is funny). I'm not good at listening to others when it comes to dev convo (like related to coding or some logic stuff).

So it is like someone is explaining to me that this should be like this and in between, I ask 100questions like "why like this? why not like this?","but what if I just skip it?" etc

and they always go like, "Someone is going to kill you so badly".

That's it.

A dev in the team just found out about JavaScript promises. Now he is putting them everywhere but never handling errors, so it's impossible to tell where the app is actually failing because the error points to the Babel polyfill and the stack trace is not long enough.

An UI guy which actually complimented my will to work with non-dev professions in order to deliver quality features.
Spoiler: I am willing because you are awesome and are not offended in me asking questions outside my area of competence in order to be sure what I do is what you want, so if you happen to read this post kudos on you M. , not on me :)

PM:"I don't care how you dev build it, those are tech details, not my business, I only care about the business domain."

sounds familiar?

this is the main reason why so many projects failed, can you image any professional use such an asshole statement in other industry.

So c++ isn't really ideal for robotics? I could just not understand c++ correctly. I think it's just my terrible understanding of why a compiler is needed. I am an intermediate Python Dev, so I guess I'd like to download the "language" and go, ya know?

I fucking hate webpack and frontend development so fucking much, why do I have to see my site not loading the bundled JS code on production but being absolutely fine in dev? is like watching my mom being run by a car over and over and over while I try to remember how it all was before she gets run over, FUCKING STOP WEBPACK, I havent sleep but just 4 hours since yesterday, I NEED YOU TO WORK JUST AS YOU DID IN DEV WITHOUT THE PERKS OF HMR FFS, JUST FUCKING DO IT

You're not a real dev unless you've made so many changes in your code without testing, that you're too afraid to actually test it.

!dev

While I'm not all too great with developing things, still learning actually, I am good at breaking things unintentionally.

For instance, I fucked the YouTube app up so badly, even a force stop isn't fixing it.
Gonna try rebooting, see if that helps.

So I got my first Dev job as a Junior!!!! It is in a big company that seems to be full of energy and ideas.
I am really excited and hope this all go well.
I'm just lost about how to be prepared for the first day and afraid to not meet the expectations I think they have on me.

Had to fix all bugs of my colleague this night because our client was not happy.
Before he joined us he worked as a database admin and now he wants to learn web dev and coding. But he did so bad mistakes like endless loops or requesting api 5 times.
In so tired now, happy when its christmas

I use to work with a lot of people from all around the world, so i can say from the very first meeting if you are a good dev or not, and darn ! i hate the self confident devs who think they are the best, especially when they are junior !
I want to tell them : WAKE UP ! YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD !!

Reminder: if you were tasked with breaking down a work item/story, and your breakdown involved so much incorrect, outdated, and downright incomprehensible gibberish that, when you were approached by another dev, you had to rewrite the whole thing -- after rewriting it into a form that includes almost none of the original and still contains errors and omissions, you do not get to announce to everyone that you were 'helping' said dev to 'understand'. If you do this you are not some machevellian linguistic genius, you are just an asshole who is going to get found out for your bullshit sooner or later.

*Friday morning*

Me: "Ok the client wants to talk with you on Wednesday at 10 am. It's a conference call on Hangouts, here's the link: [ link ]. Be on time, I have already sent you all the details about the topics you'll have to cover. I will be available during the weekend if you need help, we cannot afford to make mistakes"

Smartass Dev: "Don't worry, I am on it"

*Tuesday, after lunch break*

Me: "Just a final check: is everything clear with my email? I'm working late tonight, call me if you need something else. They'll probably share some slides, be sure to join from your laptop: [ link ]"

Smartass Dev: "No problem, I am fine"

*Wednesday, 11.15 am*

Smartass Dev: "Hey, what a shitty client! I waited more than an hour and they did not even tell me that the call was canceled. This is so unprofessional."

Me: "The call was not canceled"

Smartass Dev: "Dude, I had my phone here on the desk. I was ready to answer but they never called"

Me: "Did you open the link?"

Smartass Dev: "What link?????"

Me: "It was on Hangouts, I sent you the link twice"

Smartass Dev: "Really...? I'm so unlucky these days. Next time will be better 🙂"

We're quite keen on you so we'll definitely call you...
That call never came so I made a follow up and I got a considering the current size of the company we not quite ready to have another dev

Searching how to (insert dev related skill) then after that getting only adds shown for places that do professional dev work. No, obviously I am trying to learn the shit myself not willing to pay someone else, in fact add a sync my bank account to search just so google can comeback with results filed under you are too poor to pay for shit here are the diy results you poor dumb fuck using free wifi. :)

Me and Team Developer,
One day he was calling some apis and getting error
Dev - Hey , the apis seem not to work
Me - Ohk which api, i will Check
Dev - Ohk here is the api and issue
Me - Spent time in checking multiple values for same api, and...
it was working fine with no issue.
Me- SO i asked him to check again
Dev- he again said, still the issue
Me- Ohk give me the same input to try
Dev - Ohk Here is the id of the record
Me - Tested and not working... more tested and got issue like, the id was for some other record, and not actual id he need to call
Me- I told the Dev that he was sending wrong id.
Dev - Ohh Shit, i will check
Me - Yeah, let me know
Dev - Yeah , its working and i wasted 3 days just for this issue.
Me - I said yeah Ohk Fine. (Me Frustrated, as time wasted due to the input issue not mine Api)

Most of the time, this happens and i have to jump to solve. Can Anyone related to this happen with you or your team ?
Comment below

Do some of you make a passive income from something dev related?
What are your experiences?

I’m thinking about starting a dev blog with focus on financial software, but it would be nice to do something that brings in some extra bugs. There are so many blogs, mine would probably not even be seen by anyone..

Cargo cult programming at its finest. I need to build a separate project twice, and restart visual studio to get this one to work.

Why? No one knows anymore and there is not user story for "Unfuck the dev environment" so we're not allowed to spend time fixing it.

¿Why people hate PHP so much? I love it since it was my first web dev lang and I fell in love with it, however, I decided to move to another language since apparently It's going to die, not saying tomorrow but eventually. I'm not sure which language to pick (between Python (django, pyramid), Elixir (Phoenix) or Ruby (RoR). Any suggestions?
Also, what language you use and do you like PHP?

I'm coding when suddenly a wild popup appears: "w10 scheduled to restart outside of active hours".

-> I want to change my active hours so I can progress w/o being interrupted by windows.

-> w10 doesn't allow me to set it to 8AM - 10PM because:
"Active hours can be set between 1 and 12 hours."

Well.. not sure what to think about this restriction.. It's definitely not dev-friendly ;)

Ok so I studied Computer Science in college, even got my pretty little associate's degree saying I didn't eat shit.

Decided to work in ops and not as a dev because life finds a way

End up being asked to write code at work anyway because I know enough to not break everything

!dev !rant

Not working at McDonalds, I got hired to do factory work for a company i've known about for a while. Loving it way more!

side news: I'm getting into OOP with python, i definitely like the organization and ease and sense in that all. Recently learned how function definition works, so I can really get this ball rolling now!

Did a website for my uncle. I'm not a web dev and I don't normally do this kind of thing for family but he's putting me up for two weeks. So he asked how difficult websites are, basically just needed me to drop some stuff in a template and host it. Not a problem. The man then brings me a printed piece of paper with changes he wants.... No copy paste for me...

Just happened today!

So since this morning we've been trying to get our website ready for UAT deployment Monday next week, even though we only were told of it yesterday. Since we had some critical merge conflicts to unscrew on our dev branch for promoting to UAT, we sent a warning to everyone on our hipchat group

Dev team: @all please don't commit anything to the repo for an hour or so while we get the branch good for dev and uat build

Tech lead: ok

That should be enough warning, right? Surely our tech lead, who has been piling up our scope creep trying to please our stakeholders, understands well enough not to do a single goddamn thing on our repo until we sort it out, right?

Nope.

10 minutes later our tech lead pushes several changes that not only break our builds but also remove all our configuration transformations. I just stormed out of the office to avoid sending her on a one-way ticket to slapsville and fuckyoutown. Geez goddamn louise.

Allright, so.. 3 (sort of 4) dev projects at work (7 roles in total), 2 (sort of 3) DEV projects at home, 2 guys approaching to me via messenger w/ DEV/Linux questions, family (with a baby), construction works in the apartment, taking care of the farmstead,...

Whenever you ask "what do you do", I'm not even sure where to start.

Whenever you call me with "Hello, I'm calling from company X, do you have some time to answer a few questions" I sort of want to hit someone really hard before answering "yes, sure".