*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

Ran into a girl who I had a crush on in high school at a bar last week. Hanged out for a bit, but then I had to run catch the last train home.

Today I get a message from her that reads: "Hey, it was nice to meet you last week. Can I call you some time, there's something I want to tell you. 😉"

I think to myself -- sweet and say that I have no meetings today, call me whenever you can.

A couple of minutes later she calls me, and the first thing she says: "I have this app idea..."

fuck, shouldn't have hyped myself up.

I used to get annoyed when my dad(65+ years old) had a simple computer "problem" like copy and paste that I needed to help with.

But then I remembered he showed me how to use a spoon and not shit myself so I guess it all evens out

Me: Sometimes I talk to myself while debugging.
Me: OMG 😱, me too..
Me: Lets try pair programming next time.

At Job interview.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Me: I see myself as the leader of a raider group, robbing and scavenging together pieces of what is left of the civilization in hopes to build a weapon powerful enough to take the world back from a rogue AI, which I built myself few years earlier.

Interviewer: What!?

Me: What?

Girlfriend = zero productivity!

I like to work at night! When I can hear myself think. Girlfriend is jealous of my code! Argues with me to come to bed and then I lose my inspiration.

I asked my mom if I can buy myself a raspberry pi for my birthday.
No matter what I show or say to her, she won't stop telling me to bake my own raspberry pie. ;-;

Anyone is coming to kill me or should I suicide by chocking myself from a table fan?

So after learning to code myself for about 9 months.

A local agency CEO reached out and offered me a junior position!

Happy days!

Client: I want the best.
Me: *starts designing a complex and pretty neat website*
Client: I don't like that. I want this. *shows me website design from 1998*
Me: *cries myself to sleep*

Client has asked me to sign an NDA. They've emailed me the NDA and asked that I print two copies of it, one which I must sign and return to them, and the other to keep for myself. Because I'm to print it twice, they've attached two copies of the NDA in PDF form. They're identical, I've checked.

Co-worker has been sick for two days now (the guy that mainly helps me).

This has forced me to do nearly every ticket myself without asking questions.

It's going really great! I'm very happy about it tbh 😊

Someone found my curriculum online, hooked me into an interview. I go there and the dude that handles the interview asks me: "So, why do you want to work with us?"
Man, I don't even know myself.

I made a game. By myself. Took me six months. I struggled to complete it. It was not a good game. I was nearly depressed at the end of the project. But I'm proud I was able to finish it and published it. It made me friends in the industry and it got me my first job. So yeah it was my most successfull project. 😊

Fucking hell. If I like your bloody app, I'll go rate it myself you fucktwaddle. Don't ask me to rate it just after I've opened it for the first time.

Me (to friend): So all your information these days is stored in the cloud.

Friend: Yeah I know that's crazy, huh!?

Me: Yeah!

Friend: I wonder if there's any disruption of the data when planes fly through.

Me: What do you mean?

Friend: Like when a cloud breaks when a plane move through it since we store our data in the precipitation layer. Nikola Tesla would be so proud.

Me: Uh... The fuck?

Me (thinking to myself): maybe he's just joking...

This may sound odd but I find myself more productive when I use linux. The whole environment kind of helps me to concentrate on the work.

Bad news is I always Windows 😞

Product sending an email: Can I confirm feature A is all set for its release on April 30th?

Me: ... what? no that feature is going out with Feature B, that was pushed back to June because of the server issue.

Product: No, the release plan document says April 30th for this.

Me: ... theres 6 copies of this doc now. Someone is after deleting my comments saying "releasing with Feature B". Oh look heres a link to another doc that says this. See Feb14th "Will go out with Feature B". This is because they are touching the same code, we can't separate them now without re-writing it.

*Me to myself*: Ha product are going to hate this, their shitty processes have finally caught up with them.

*next day*

Other manager: So heres my plan for the app release x, y, z.

*Me to myself*: ... his plan? this is my app, I mange this. What the hell is this?

*reads email thread*

*Me to myself*: ... oh so product really didn't like my reply, took me off the thread, sent a response to all the other managers asking for alternatives, CC'ing upper management. The same upper management I had a private conversation with yesterday about how shit our product team are.

*cracks knuckles*

I'm going to enjoy writing this reply.

Got my front end friend (also my irl best friend) to agree on me setting up a vm/vps on one of my dedi's with a sub domain so he can learn to work with servers.

He agreed on me leaving root access for myself in case he couldn't figure something out and I (a Linux server engineer myself) would have to help him out.

He seemed so excited, will set this up when I get home 😊

Client: I am unable to turn on my computer after running you app. Can you plz help me out.

Myself: Sure, since my app is corporate web app and nothing to do with OS lvl functions but still I will help you. (Didn't really had a choice🙄) Tell me your exact scenario.

Client: I think I was downloading some torrent as well, and then I am unable to turn on my computer.

Myself: Ok, try restarting your computer. Press power button 1-2 times.

Client: Nothing's happening.

Myself: Plug in your charger and try again.

Client: ohh! It started.

Myself: DUCK FACE😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑
( Disconnect the call immediately) And start writing code for people who doesn't even fucking know how to start the computer.

Hey girl, are you Visual Studio? 😏

Cause you make me want to fucking kill myself.

In a nutshell, i severely underestimated myself, applied to a bunch of places and now they all want to hire me. Oh well.

I was looking through some code I wrote 10-15 years ago. Seriously, WTF? Makes me want to invent a time machine to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Me to myself: "Don't start another side project you can't finish. Don't start another side project you can't finish. Don't start another side project you can't finish..."
*6 Hours later*
FUUUUCCC...

Non dev related but: release my first track 😊

I'd love to create something which is near musical perfection for myself 😃

There's a couple of tracks which come close for me but not 99 percent yet.

I hate myself. Really.
Last week I wrote a function to handle file uploads and at some point I left this very useful comment.
Do I know what to fix? Absolutely fucking nope.
I want to punch me from last week in the face

Teacher: hey, your good with computer programming, right?
(Thinking I finally have a chance to prove myself programming wise.)
Me: yeah, Sure
(Trying not to blow my own trumpet)
Teacher: great, can you fix this word document for me?
FML

The server for an internal application was acting up, but everything was working fine locally. After an 18 hour day, I just rerouted the traffic to my dev machine and left it on overnight so I could go home.

A piece of me hates myself and also loves myself for that one.

Senior: I've been programming for a long time. I know JavaScript.

Me to myself: I've seen your code, it is shit.

Senior: (builds JSON with string concatination)

Me to myself: ...

What am I to do? The system is full of stuff like this, and minimal support from management to fix and rewrite.

I'm currently freelancing abroad.
I don't get the UK Salley but I don't pay the UK prices.
I get to travel, see the world and support myself.
Much more valuable then any high end wage to me.
Freedom.

Not sure if this would be true since I find it very hard to judge this one myself but I hope that some people on here see me as some kind of mentorish person when it comes to either Linux, privacy of security.

Parenthesis on "hope"😅

I wish I had a group of dev friends to just sit around and code with. It's just been me, myself and I for the past 3 years now..

I didnt make my root partition big enough fuuuuuuuuck

Stupid fucking tutorial said "10GB should be enough!"

Should have listened to myself. Fuck me.

All these people talking about learning to code at school makes me feel old. There wasn't even an option to learn programming when I was at school. Had to teach myself!

"I'll not sign off this project unless you promise me that the app will NOT GET WET WHEN YOU UPLOAD IT TO THE CLOUD" (was a desk application... I left the company that same day and promised myself I'll never get back)

Person: What's more common than
c² = a² + b² ?
Me: Clients saying,
"I know how to do it myself but I just don't have time"
Source : twitter.com

I am a little bit fat (just a little bit :D) and there is no such an avatar in devRant to represent my look. That makes me feel I'm lying about myself 😐

Moved in to new house, finally have myself a room for an office. Started to deck it out and the wife asks if we can find matching chairs, one for her, one for me...

It's more than an office, its supposed to be my man/dev cave!

I’ve battled depressed I failed to realized I had for many years. I didn’t love myself, I forgot what it felt like to love myself, and then one day my life turned around out of the blue. I believe my turning point was when I realized that I wasn’t alone and that people did care about me. I just wasn’t motivated especially after almost losing my cousin to suicide 3-4 months back. It changed my DNA, my personality, everything about me changed until I told myself that I had enough.

Today marks the 4th month where I last had a cup of coffee, soda, or junk food in general because in all honesty it was just making my depression worse. Today also marks the 4th month I’ve been going to the gym without fail and I’ve now noticed how far I’ve come. I love myself more than ever now and I am VERY goal oriented as well. I have one more year left until I get my bachelors degree in Software Development and soon after I’ll go in for my Masters and who knows what I’ll do after that.

It’s all uphill from here and by sticking to my new routines I am feeling a lot better as the days and months pass.

Attached is my progress thus far, left is from when I felt at my lowest and right is the progress I’ve made so far with improving myself and where I am at now.

I love myself, I love those that love me, and I LOVE feeing AMAZING like I do now when I wake up every morning waiting to see what the day has in store for me 😄❤️

What’s wrong with me?... Found myself spreading my finger and thumb on some food packaging cooking instructions hoping to zoom in and read it.

Senior manager: I cant understand how this project has taken so long?
Me: Well you hired me as a C# WPF developer and then asked me to deliver an android app without any kind of training so i had to teach myself app development and reverse engineer the undocumented protocol it needs to use to communicate with our product.
Senior manager: Ok. I get that, but it should only take around 3 months to get up to speed though right?
Me (to myself): how in the hell? New platform, self teaching, undocumented protocol for a complex low level real-time system, other responsibilities taking at least 50% of my time and i should be as productive as an outsourced app dev company in 3 months???!! FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!

!rant

I often find myself reading a physical copy of a book or something written on paper and my brain just wants me to Ctrl+f

Software just destroyed half a year worth of work today. God bless developers. I'm getting myself a psychologist over a broken fucking server. Because software fucking killed it. And killed me with it. Do I really have to build everything from component to end product myself? Without even being a developer?

Me begging myself to add comments to my code.

Why write any specs anymore? The juniors don't read them, nor do the product managers. I'm just talking to myself at this point.

So, I waste time writing these nice detailed tickets, then when I go to review the pull request, the whole pile of horseshit is half done, and when I ask the product managers for resolutions, they don't have a clue either.

So just give me the whole fucking app, I'll do the whole damn thing myself. See you on Mars in 2025 while you and your pleb asses serve me fries and burgers.

!Dev

Bought my first house :) 3 bedroom house to myself. It's insane to me.

I bought myself a small summer gift 😍
This may or may not encourage me to work more at home this summer.

So I got myself a rubber duckie, works quite nicely 😊
After third time in one day of boss calling me in and using me as a sound board to solve his problems, I gave him my duckie to use instead. He's happy, I don't get called in anymore, but am now duck-less 😥

Friday night and still coding. sometimes I force myself to go sit on the balcony for a minute to make me not forget about outside...

So I heard about this new Git ransomware that is demanding Bitcoin if not fulfilled removing commits and projects...

And then I thought to myself...

What will they get my deleting all my repos of projects that I told myself that I will finish one day.

I guess they will be doing me a favor. Doing something that I have been putting off for ages.

I feel sadistic when I come on here to rant, because I see what other Devs are ranting about and it makes me feel better about myself for not being in your positions... I feel horrible but great at the same time!

Me and colleague went to coffee shop to work...
C -> colleague
M -> Me

...
C: "do you know what I tell myself when I want to gain the courage to talk to a girl I like?":
M: (gave it some thought) "No what?"
C: "If internet explorer has the courage to ask me to become the default browser! Then what am I afraid of?"
M: "No wonder your relationships are buggy! And full of insecurities!"

XCode.........pffft....... more like

Xcuse-me-while-I-hang-myself-while-you-Code

Or more like

Xcuse-me-while-I-crash-myself-while-you-Code

Or

Xcuse-me-while-I-make-you-angry-enough-to-throw-the-fucking-iMac-out-of-the-goddamn-window-while-you-Code

Like WTF, I got reassigned to iOS development after a year being in web development and was genuinely excited to work in swift again. The excitement quickly faded away, seeing the goddamn IDE struggle to compile or run. I dont remember facing these issues in version 7 or 8. FML ;-;

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me—a few minutes to myself with a Rust programming book (don’t judge — I just started learning).

i am a procrastinating asshole. woke up at 7am to do some work, and still, 5 hours later - nothing! i am so pissed of at myself right now. i just want to jump out of my skin and not be me anymore. fuck.

I saw a post about headphones that reminded me.

Last week I was trying to find out why my code wasn't working. At about an hr in my wife asks me "honey, why do you have headphones on but they aren't plugged into anything?"

I looked at her partially spaced and thought to myself "I have headphones on?!?!"

Lol I tend to do this a lot.

Developer: I created an algorithm that solves the issue.

Me: (to myself) ...algorithm huh? he must not want to talk about his cover up...

"Your code doesn't make me want to off myself".

To whom it nay concern,

Merry Christmas (yeah...we do that stuff on the 24th, here in Germany) and happy holidays.

Yours truly,
Me, myself and I

😊

Got an 8:30 class in the morning.

Me: so close to fixing this bug. Just a bit more.
12:00 am
Me: I'll just install SQL and head to sleep.
1:00 am
Me: holy crap what time is it.
1:30 am
Me: I hate myself.

I'm expecting probably no, but in the name of outdoorsy things not at all related to code, anyone else here enjoy electric bicycles?

Just grabbed this thing and it's absurdly fun, and helps me put some social distance between myself and other riders.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

There was a bug that I ignoring to fix for past 8 months and finally Client found the bug and reported back to me. All I said to myself "Motherfuck".

So from tomorrow I will be rewriting a piece of code.

Two weeks ago, I chose my modules for my Master in Data Science. This morning, I received an e-mail to tell me it was a bug, I was not accepted.
.
So what's now
.
I guess I will kill myself

**Me, while working on sql based project**

Manager: Does anyone knows java! Want a sample login screen written in java.

**I'm the only one in my team to know java, thus raised my hand**

Me: It's done. Mailed you the .java file.

Manager: I can see my password

Me: I fuckn hate myself. ***Forgot to set password field as password type***

Manager: you are no different than others.

Me: Yeah..😶 **f@#& you**

I'm trying to detoxify myself from jquery. It's hard, I know. To this day, I did not touch it for two months and I received a small medal which certify it. My friends and my familiars are helping me in this path and I want to thank them

Me: *watching Google i/o 2018*

Me (thinking to myself): wow that looks useful! I'll probably use that use after 5 years at work

-= Me in the zone hacking out code during meeting with customer for an emergency change =-

-ready to deploy just need to....-

Me to myself:

"Oh ... oh shit ... I forgot who the customer is / who this is for / what time it is ... how do I ask these people on the call who the fuck they even are....?"

(｀_´)ゞ

Sometimes I get so caught up questioning myself how to *architect* the code, that it takes me forever to do the actual coding.

Anyone else ever do this?

Fuck me in the eye...

2 years into full time development and I still can't get myself to work on a side project.

Am I alone ????

I got my first job, first work is monday

I still worrying about this job might be one of the many small shitty company horror story.
I don't know shit about working, so I decided to find out myself. Wish me luck.

*My friend was piling up her food in a bbq place*

Me: What are you doing?
Her: I'm trying to beat my old stacking record.
Me: Be careful not to get a stack overflow!

. . .I'll see myself out.

Top 3 times:
1) When I amazed myself by solving a problem using recursion.

2) When I taught myself how to make my a restful api and consumed it using Ajax.

3) When I converted a psd in to a responsive pixel perfect webpage.

Writing code makes me feel I am worth something in this world.

Honestly remote work allowed me to stay productive but to make it more better:

* I usually isolate myself from the rest of the family so I can focus on work

* Taking breaks between sessions so I don't over-exert myself.

*Calming music (I don't know how calming Symphonic Metal is but it is to me)

Other than that, these are just my ways to keep myself efficient, aside from the additional setup my home setup needs which are a new external keyboard and a additional monitor (I use a laptop)

Additional notes: If you get burnt out too easily, try not extending your sessions for a entire day, you'd risk being devoid of motivation easily

BA: we have 16meg download yet mine is only going at 2..
Me: sounds about right.
BA: are you an idiot?
Me: *I don't need to explain myself to scum like you*

Working in security for many years only granted me world-class paranoia about taking pictures of myself and my family. It even made it hard to keep in touch with my friends as we don’t live in the same country anymore.

The good side is that it pays well enough to grant me a platinum foil hat.

Incompetence of people around me drives me mad. I see a piece of shit code and I can’t stop myself from improving it.
Also better developers around me. I need to find out how they’re better and beat them

Boss: So what are your biggest achievements for this year?
Me: mmm, probably not killing myself
Boss: .....
Me: I meant I reduced the number of fraudulent transactions in our service by adding machine learning to flag suspicious transaction
Boss: Yeah, you should've start with that
Me: .....

HR is sending me a signal to resign myself

Purposely putting myself outside my comfort zone. Forces me to learn and push myself!

It has sated my hunger for never-ending knowledge.
It allows me to freely express myself.
It has given me the goal to surpass all these people who are better than me.

Also unlimited anger that can end me up behind bars.

!rant Scheduled Slack message from myself after hours to myself during work hours:

“Hey idiot,
The thing you need to do is [solution]. Trust me.
Sincerely,
Past you

PS: Drink some gd water.”

*followed by panicked double-checking I’d actually sent it to myself and not a coworker*

Ads make me want to kill myself

Me pushing myself to finish my tasks.

1. Manage my time better.
2. Find motivation to wake up and go to work.
3. Fake more smiles.
4. Kick ass hole (L)users in the throat when they piss me off...
5. Attend anger management.
6. Stop making shit lists.

In all honestly I need to dedicate more time to my personal clients and stop allowing my primary job’s frustration to drain my motivation to take care of their needs. It’s not fair to them that I chose the life I have. Find myself and attempt to love myself again. Create more time to focus on my health and goals. Surround myself with people that have goals and want to better their life. Find someone to share life with.

Then, with my luck; throw it all away and repeat these steps like a broken record.

I've been writing documentation and I've already caught myself pressing ctrl + space a few times to try and get Word to autocomplete a long word for me.

*Me testing my api with vue.js*

Me: can you please update salesforce content and add new image.

Coworker: Done,image updated:

Me: did you click the sync button? Image seems to be not loading.

Co-worker: why don't you clear your browsing history and clear your cache.

Me: (talking to myself: you are asking me to clear my cache? ME? ME? ME?) Smiles back to coworker.

Co-worker: Did it work?

Me: Nope! Seems to it that you have not sync the content on salesforce. Please hit the sync button.

Co-worker: I did!

Me: I ask co-worker B he said content is not sync.

How to tell this person nicely, to provide meaningful commit messages?

I know it took me probably for ever to learn it myself, and not all of them are meaningful, but come on ...

My job is so boring... they hired me to work front-end using Vue and I'm doing back-end using Django.

I found myself so bored I think about creating an app called Big Dick Energy - A Dick Contest when I'm close to comatose.

ÆÃÅĀÀÁÂÄ!!!
I'm so thrilled!! I am not a GUI person & I am rly rly slow & bad when it comes to minor changes on that part..
But today I finally finished GUI, client logic, server side logic & db shiiit for some audit interface I was making.. ..from scratch, meaning it wasn't some changese here & there, no copy pasta no nothin.. I did the whole thing by myself..did a lot of things for the first time & it didn't take me ages!! Wiiiiii!!! Having a total 'I iz so proud of myself' moment!! // I usually am not the boasting/confident/happy with myself type..

i've built a profitable full stack SaaS application, from scratch, by myself, that requires 0 maintenence

and you dont think i have the skills required to hire me?

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Webpack and Babel make me want to kill myself. Takes longer to set a project up than it does to write the damn thing.

What's with Android telling me what volume I should have my music at? If I want to deafen myself, then that's up to me!

I kept telling my boss my salary wasn't good enough for the job I was doing, and for over a year, he kept telling me HR says I need to prove myself. I got admission to school to do a masters and all of a sudden, HR doubled my salary. FML.

Anyone want to build me a smart robot capable of determining what to keep and what to donate (or recycle) so I can stop packing and injuring myself? Would have to me capable of critical thinking and tetrising the shit out of stuff and boxes...

I'm only partially joking... would buy a packing robot pretty damn quickly

I forgot to put myself out of office today on our call schedule... Thought I'd get away with it because I shouldn't get calls anyways. Got a call. Not handling it, passed it on, but it woke me up... :(

Boss wants me to become lead developer on a huge project; I still consider myself Junior and feel like there is still more for me to learn before I can even accept something like this. The company is amazing and I would love to step into this role but I fear that I will only disappoint.

What would you do? If I should take it; could you recommend resources that would help me level up?

Some of my colleagues have a joint birthday party, I'm here with them drinking beer. A friend here knows that actually today is my birthday. No one else knows and I hate boasting about myself and bringing attention to myself. I'm fucking sad today... Should have gone home to my family. If you have a beer at hand, have one on me!

Fml
I went to a client and forgot my laptop.
Called my boss to send me the file I needed just to realize 1 hour later that I had web access to the repo and could have download myself.

It looks like it will be a promessing day 😑

Not really the start of a new job, but at a job interview I tried to pour myself some water and literally flooded the whole table :D

They invited me back for an internship actually, but I chose another company.

A new administrative assistant joined the company I work at. I presented myself and told her that I'm doing devops. After a couple of days she sent me a massage asking for my assistance. Very curious of what could that be I approached her workstation, and then she told me her mouse is not working and asked me to fix it.

I realize that in interviews I can fake confidence to such high levels I thought would never be possible for me.

I keep impressing myself with every interview lol.

The saying "Fake it until you make it" is kinda true. It works for me haha

I can't stand my MSI laptop keyboard. The enter key is 2x smaller to make place for a bigass * key, and the > is at the right of space key... Writing HTML makes me want to shoot myself.

What are your keyboard constructors lunacies ?

Part of me always imagines myself as a surgeon trying to save a patient when there's an 'old computer can't be fixed'.

Live damn you, live!

I want to be the CTO in ten years. I'm 25 now, and think it's possible. My former boss was the CTO and he inspired the hell out of me to work hard and invest in myself. I have a lot to learn but I'm eager to figure it out.

How did it take me until my mid 20s to realize that I don’t have to pressure myself as much as I do to be successful in my goals?

Today looking at code thinking to myself "I thought I fixed that code...shit that was in my dream!"

Why me?!

Sure, there were always people who influence me. Actually, I like to feel when superior manager or officer could help me to develop myself.
Nevertheless, there was one man who opened for me this "Pandora box". He was my first computer class teacher. I was 10. After next two years I got my first money for localizing ZX Spectrum games.

After 3 years of college, I have finally discovered the magical wonder of unit testing. All it took was me building my own application on the side to motivate myself to actually do it!

13, my boss told me multiple times to leave, but I had to (for myself) fix someones fuck up first otherwise interns had nothing useful to do in the morning.

Got the next morning a few hours off to make up for that time.

Any boss that didn’t micromanage me and gave me latitude to run things the way that made the most sense for myself and/or the team. I think there were two in a quarter century of jobs I’ve worked. Workplaces suck.

The biggest hurdle I overcame on my dev career was coming back to a full time job after a few years spent on a "hippie phase" combining work as an artisan, content developer and editor, and just a few freelance dev jobs. It was all a struggle to start again thinking of myself as "junior again" surrounded by people ten or fifteen years younger than me. But I kept myself over the tidal web and here I am, a Senior again.

Caller: Hi, I work with Google. Can I talk to the decision maker of [your company]?
Me: I am. (Ho, my god, this is finally happening, I'm the chosen one!)
Caller: Would you like to improve your visibility on Google by ...
Me cutting short: Thanks but I'm not interested.
*Click*
To myself: Raaah, me too I work "with" Google!

(no my phone doesn't do *click*, it does *bee doooom*, but well)

I'm apparently supposed to take over some projects from the guy who sits next to me, who's leaving the country indefinitely. I don't even understand what I'm working on myself.

Me: *gets a payout from my old job*
Me: ahhh now to spoil myself, let's get some pixel buds and a day dream set and maybe a nice bottle of whiskey.

eBay: YO! We have that MacBook you've been looking for going really cheap at the moment!

Me: ... I hate myself...

Why does stuff always go on sale when I've spent my money ;-;

When I see bullshit mostly about tech-related stuff, I usually imagine myself doing this. It makes me happy and in some situations almost tolerant to idiotism.

Me: Hits blocking bug in someone else's code. Everyone's busy and stressed, I'll have a look myself. Find the problem, find associated documentation. In a language I don't really know, so pass this to appropriate dev.
Them: It's not a problem for me.
Me: ... Wut?

I don't work there anymore...

I joined in June to work on a project due to release in July. It released in December.

People come to me they ask:
How to hack !!!.
I tell myself what the hack

!dev

To de-stress myself. Git me a "bak Kit Teh"

!rant

Went on holiday abroad for 3 weeks and left my laptop at home so as "not to distract me from enjoying myself".

I miss it every day 😔

When the school you attended changes their name after you’ve finished attending, how do you refer to the school you attended? Asking for a friend.

It’s me. I’m asking for myself.

I'm done fighting with my professor over my thesis project. They want me to go slower in building my project and we only have 7 weeks to deployment. Well screw you how in the hell do you expect me to prototype, build, bug fix and deploy all this and go SLOWER. YOU AREN'T AIMING TO BE A CAREER DEVELOPER ARE YOU?

I feel really sick this morning. Between the anxiety of graduating soon and my debt...

I just want live for myself. Not the sake of a school or some corporate entity. When this is over I want to work overseas in Europe. Do something for myself for once.

You know you're in for a fun time when you open code you wrote the previous night and a comment starts with "Fuck this, it works, sober me can deal with it"

Why do I do this to myself .-.

Does anyone else here have coding-fatigue?
Like if someone gives me a problem (BIG or small), I can chalk out an architecture or "oh you can use this-n-this-n-this"

But if you ask me to code it, though it's easy as fuck, I dont want to and will drag it until I gush 2 coffees to force myself to do it.
You give me a junior dev who knows NOTHING and does the typing and I can guide him and make him do it all, but by myself? nah

PS: this only applies to work-code that isnt "fun" per-se. My own projects? no issues at all

devRant.. I need your help.

So for the last year I've been self teaching myself python, go, & haskell. I've really been enjoying myself, to the point we're I would like to make it my career. Insert problem, I stumbled upon ECU(engine control unit) reprogramming & flashing, and instantly fell in love with the idea. However I can not find any information it. Every college I've called talks to me like I just asked them to teach me witchcraft.

Does any dev have experience with ecu programming? How did you get into it?

Thanks!

During one of the interviews that I had I was trying to be myself, a bit easy, fun and Normal and the dude interviewing me had a death stare face on the whole time.
The whole interview was weird, awkward and stupid. A few days later they made me offer that i had to reject because they wanted to pay me a trainee salary when had 3+ years of experience at the time.

i wonder what happened to the bright eyed 18 year old version of me that had perfect grades and was on top of her shit. nowadays i can barely feed myself without feeling exhausted and I can't read a book to save my life

How do you prove yourself?

I'm an iOS developer and I've been developing apps for a year or two now and I don't see anything hard in it I just think it's knowing how to wire things up and avoid common bugs I've also worked on a couple of complex apps and the idea is just the same.

I want to know if I really want to prove myself well (to myself) how can I do that and how can I challenge myself more to improve.

Ps: I'm by no way an expert and I know I've got a big road ahead of me but I just want advise to improve more in the right direction

My mentor always told me to tackle 1 problem at a time. “Go get the basic scenarios first then we can decide/derive what happens on complex scenarios.”

This shit helped me through my 4+ years in the company. Now that I’m a mentor myself I’ll make sure the legacy continues.

I remeber being classified as the nerd at school. Picked on because i wasnt socially normal or part of the croud. Programming became my love and a few years later. Im doing very well and now those that use to think it was fun picking on me see me as the guy they need inspiration ideas and help from because im doing well for myself and im considering helping them.

It sucks being a good guy.. I cant get myself to turn others away that needs help

As someone who didn´t work with dependency injection in almost all projects before:

I legitimately sat here for half an hour and asked myself how to fucking access a new database context...

Me:
You can´t just add that to the constructor.
Dependency Inection:
Yes you can!

teaching myself Java servlets
ide refuses to recognize my tomcat server
me: ...... no one's using java servlets right?
*nods to self, gets up and leaves laptop*

Thanks Airtel for tweeting me your variable names!

This will lead me to the great good. Thank you for showing me the way to attainment of peace and immense control of myself and the world...

NOW FUCKING SHOW THE VALUES OF THE VARIABLES!!!!

A non-profit wants me to build a database for them and I coded everything as a CMS in PHP. But now their IT guy wants it as a Wordpress site and he wants me to send files to the website but I can't update the website or plugins personally myself. How do I go about this?

I was on holidays and relaxed.

Played enough video games to bore myself to hell.

Then a friend pushed me to install Fortnit...

Im on extended holidays right now...

Someone asked for help to solve some errors on an angular app.

Me: sure np, send me the repo link to see what is the issue.

She: *proceeds to send me a 250mb rar*

Me: what is that? I prefer the repo so I can see the history please

She: got me there, haven’t versioned yet

Me: WHAT? You’ve been working for three weeks without versioning anything?

She: yep, because I can’t make it work so, why would I?

I really ask myself sometimes if we are in this world just to suffer.

no one taught me how to host anything web, i had to figure out how to get things live by myself. it was awful, documentation on that stuff sucks, but i got through it knowing far more than when i started.

I'm not gonna post a photo of my 1.5 monitor set up after seeing some of the amazing setups you guys have. Honestly you guys make me want to buy another monitor for myself.

Content strategy expert: How long would it take to program an SVG animation intro video

Me: I'm not sure I've never programmed one before.(still teaching myself)

Content expert: iS it even possible?

Me: yeah all things are possible in programming ;)

Content expert: so then how long would it take

Me: no.

Content expert: but wouldn't it be easier if...

Me: no, go away

Can somebody stand behind me with a taser and tase me when I'm not productive.

I have been trying everything but can't get myself to get any work done. Which is stressing me out making it even harder to concentrate.

So I'm hoping the fear of being tasered can scare me into productivity.

The feeling of wanting to work but not being able to is one of the most annoying frustrating feelings in the world. And it's slowly destroying my business.

So anyone got some ideas, I just need to get like a week of work done. But been trying now for 2 months and got like a day of work done.

And has anyone build a fun to do list app yet that is complity gamified maybe I can trick myself in doing more.

Took me solid 9min to realise I'm changing admin settings on testing server, was mindfucked why my local is not reflecting any changes.
Now I want to slap myself.....

I hate colleagues calling me without informing me like WTF. Me being online on Teams does not mean I will drop everything to talk to you. Do I need to put myself to busy whole day?

Yesterday at my career progression chat my manager told me that to showcase more seniority I would need to "stop moving the needle by myself and become a multiplier".

So in order to progress I need to change from being a sewing machine to a mathematical operator??!!?!?
Thanks, that's very fucking helpful.

tl;dr fuck me, I'm stupid, I suck at my job and I wanna die but can't complain because I'm labeled ungrateful

I am -this- close... -this- close to strangling someone, or myself for that matter, over trying to finish this goddamned website that I regret taking on just because I needed the money.

You make me rework my website design three times and eventually end up micro-managing me and keep on making me make small changes that even I can't figure out, nor can anyone else for that fucking matter because you want it to be 'perfect'. God I'm so irritated right now let me fucking sleep. I want out so bad but fuck me sideways with my gaping asshole I need the fucking money.

I wanna quit this shit so bad, it's making me hate myself and throwing me into an existential crisis whether or not am I even a good designer / developer because I just can't satisfy this perfectionist asshole and need to greet him with a smile every fucking time to maintain good terms between our startups.

Tbh Myself ... Ive always admired people who do awesome things and for quite a time I thought if myself as incapable to do something like that, and whenever I tried I either failed or just dropped the project, so I had to learn to believe in myself and to use dissapointments as a building platform and dont let em discourage me.

Noone !!
everything i know I taught it to myself ,
when i got stuck at some point I figured it out myself ,
There is no dev that inspired me for
coding, i just wanted to make cool shit so started coding

Sleep on it.

I can feel myself becoming more intolerant of people wasting my time and I'm in half a mind to do nothing about it.

Maybe they won't bother me if I'm not my perky self 🔪😱

When I have to hold CTRL + Z to see what I changed I then imagine myself coding really fast when I then hold CTRL + Y. It makes me feel productive.

I fucking hate this industry it makes me want to kill myself

I hate it when depression strikes again and it renders me useless because I can't focus here at work.

I'm spending my break time right now trying to cheer myself up by looking at some memes online.

It is really hard not to feel arrogant when everyone around you is a shitbag.. but that makes me feel like a shitbag myself so the problem kind of solves itself.

Does anyone have recurring nightmare dreams about school?

I still get them even though it's > 10 years. Usually my dreams are about maths exams where I can read the question paper but can't make out the question.

Then other days I see myself walking up to class and I don't have my school bag with me.

Other times, I know my exams are gone bad and I barely wrote anything on the answer sheet and submitted it.

Other times, I see myself without pants in my classroom and everyone is pointing and laughing at me.

Attended VMware vForum Malaysia 2017... So sad that they have so many stuff happening concurrently, made me wish I could clone myself to go everywhere...

Guys I work for myself and its great (love being my own boss) but after covid I decided to look for work for some company because financial stability is everything in this life

Last job I had, I quit because the boss asked me to make coffee sometimes. We had a good relationship but fuck that 'can you make me a coffee', go make yourself a coffee..

Please god give me patiece..

Pray for me 😅

As my contractor job ends and my beginning the process of looking for new work the sudden feeling of imposter syndrome starts washing over me.
"I'm not qualified for any of these positions...", I say to myself, but then I think to myself, I wonder how devRanters deal with this.

So let me ask you, devRant, how have you dealt the *Experience Required* section of most jobs when job hunting?

Expressing myself in words helps me to structure my thoughts, make new connections between concepts and know myself better. I think that's why I'm addicted to devRant. I even comment on YouTube videos, ugh. Sometimes I write something, read it and go "huh, I didn't know I felt that way". Pretty bizarre, but almost always positive. Now what I think about it (SEE??) I should do some journaling, it's been a while. The fuck is up with this letter sorcery...

Started at a new college once again after a long pause.
And I have to admit that I suck at basic stuff like algebra. Shit...

I'm putting a lot of time to understand things, but it feels like the knowledge just fades away. Starting to doubt myself...

Not hoping for anyone to support me either, just felt like posting so that I won't keep thinking about it and giving myself bad vibes.

When do you see/perceive-that a Dev transit from junior to senior?

I'm an undergrad, working, by now, for 9 months in companies meanwhile studying, I have found that I didn't really had any difficult time dealing with the requirements/specs in the working environment, I always found myself being able to adapt to the problem and deal with it, and by this way of doing I can hardly see myself as a junior. What do you think about? (Excuse me for any mistake, I'm drink)

Anything i write on this app i view it as my personal notes or a diary. Primarily im just talking to myself and you guys are just voices in my head telling me what to write in my diary. I own this land. You guys are myself. I'm talking to myself here. Im discussing ideas and events on my own, with myself and documenting all the bullshit on the journey. The wildest thoughts even the shitting ones are included. Letting out these thoughts to talk to myself makes me feel less lonely

I find myself a lot more productive when I don't listent to any music. I tried to switch between different music genres, but I find out that silence is the best for me.

Actually getting started and learning to plan for a project is also important. Making a portfolio-website for myself with basic web tech and Firebase. Wish me luck! :D

Client: my email isn't working.
Settings are ok. Me: can you download team viewer for me? I have to look it myself. Client: Yeah I can't since I haven't Internet. Me: *slaps forehead* email is working with internet only. you have to recover your connection.
Never heard of this client since then

7 little bug reports jumping on the bed, one got patched and approved
8 little bug reports jumping on the bed...

Just give me a webhook to sighup myself

Hear me out. Ive been trying to fix this flutter bug for... I lost the count of how many days or weeks it was, maybe even months. I now got to the point of having borderline mental breakdown. I am crying because i cant solve this bug and there is no one to help me. I am on my own. All by myself. And im crying.

One of my friends said "kiki, why you never show your paintings to anyone?"

But if I show you my fangs, will you tell me that they're cool? Sometimes I scare myself.

Pythons range(), honestly makes me want to kill myself.

I started to learn programming to be liked by a girl and since then I periodically ask myself if this is really for me... And periodically, right as I start thinking it may not be for me, I find myself solving issues programming stuff, seeing parallelism between software development and anything and randomly toss out the classical: "you know, with and Arduino you could(...)" To people put of nowhere.

So yeah. Guess it's for me. I hate it but... Wait, I could automate my windows depending on the difference between internal and external temperature... Hmm... Later guys, got a project to deal with!

Really fucking nice android studio. Your auto generated code makes my builds fail and your error message don't even care enough to show me in which direction I should go fuck myself.

If there's something that makes me want to shoot myself even more than having to work with python, it's python's package management.

I learned to work with tools and platforms, instead of trying to re-write them and creating bugs for myself.

See: every hybrid tool ever.

This leaves me plenty of time to research new trends and patterns.

Programming has taught me that if I want to create something digital, I can do it myself or teach myself or work on it with others.

Family? What's that? 🤔

If anything they made me go to my room/corner because I couldn't stand them and I was always on the PC because I could distract myself from the local environment. 😢

So to keep me going through the day I sometimes entertain myself by adding funny comments to my pull requests. I sit there giggling to myself like some sort of lunatic and the rest of the office probably think I'm a nutcase.

Todays gem was:

Added timeout to prevent hanging. Bet they wish they'd had this feature in the 16th century

Honestly I think my talents are wasted here...

What skills? 😂 Jokes aside, a few situations cause me to question myself, one is reading rants on devRant.

I always start questioning myself when I see others code, it inspires me but sometimes also makes me question my ability.

Last thing that often makes me question myself is reviewing all these requirements for jobs.

Friend: "Heyyy, I want a custom IT solution. Can you make it for me?"

Me: "Okay sure."

Friend: "Heyyy I don't want the program to do it for me, I want to learn it myself."

Me: "What the fuck.. sigh."

I ended up giving them some third-party boilerplate solution and now they're happy. Peasants..

Best teacher? Well, I'm completely self taught so I'd have to nominate myself...

But seriously, check out Laracasts. Really helped me in the past with learning Laravel and recently with Vue.js.

My dream! When I remind myself that I'm not where I want to be yet, I get in that ultimate coding-zone. I push myself to be better every time and that gets me coding and learning new things. And of course, red bull ;)

Hi there everybody! Just joined the community, an aspiring Java developer (just started learning a few months ago so I am nowhere near calling myself a "Developer"). I'm committed to becoming a developer, and I am trying to join every community and every conversation out there possible to immerse myself as much as I can. Any advice, guidance, people/conversations here to look out for, anything that will help me in my Journey would be greatly appreciated!

The most saddest sentence I have heard.

"There's nothing I can do or undo to get myself out of the pictures you painted of me."

I jst need AI to detect typos in my js code and it's probably going to save me hours of debugging.. 🙃

Or maybe it can help me get a well nights sleep.. so I can detect it myself.. 🤷🏽‍♂️

not to brag but im very handsome, if i was a girl I'd fuck myself every single day and cry myself to sleep if i as a girl chose the (wrong) option which is not to sleep with me, realizing what kind of fatal irreversible mistake i made

Me *looking at the project* : it won't be difficult, it's going to be piece of cake.
Me *really reads more about it* : maybe it's not what I thought
Me *now doubting myself* : Google has all the answers
Me : runs to Google for something as simple as a while loop😩.

After a whole day struggling with routes to a Django-app I think I route myself to bed... *Mumbles "route me here route me there"*

!rant

@dfox @trogus

I just watched the "die bastard die" cartoon and have to say it's fucking excellent.

I never actually laugh out loud at these things, but this made me piss myself a little bit.

Well played.

The computers and network seem to be CRAWLING today. Which is great, gives me plenty to time to imagine the many ways I could get myself fired for doing the deployments the way I am. 😅💀

f*ck. I hate myself. I could've finished my assignment in 3 hours, and now it f*cking took me 7 hours because I get OCD and I'm too slow to f*cking do it. And I'm still not finished!!

Started playing skyrim again (Special edition on xbox one x) and fuck me does it make me feel inadequate as a game developer...

I'll never be able to make something anywhere near as gorgeous or absorbing, *sigh* why does everything I love make me hate myself

EDIT: Please save the bethesda jokes, your opinion is noted and ignored :-3

I lost my cool and got into a trembling furious mode yesterday. The outcome is an ugly pile of mess. After calming myself down and reflecting, this is what I end up telling myself this morning.

I let myself touched shit. When someone was throwing shit at me, I went and touch it and throw it back instead of avoiding it. I created a shit storm instead of a cleansing rain. And now not only me, everyone around me has to breath in shit air.

Me: I wish I had more time to work on my own personal projects

Also me: *takes on 2 new clients this week alone*

I do this to myself 🙃

I will train myself to be an avenger. In case things went wrong like ultron.
Anyone wanna join me?
Write your superpowers.