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It was between me and another guy.
I fucking won!
I GOT THE FUCKING JOB!!
I'll be a junior Linux Support Engineer in a week or so!
OMG OMG YAYAYAYAYAY99 -
So this happened in my computer science class
Creepy guy trying to be cheesy (to this pretty girl): "you're like a ; to my code"
Girl: "we're studying python, bimbo"
(Whole class laughed)7 -
This shit is real.
Guy comes to my desk.
Guy: Do you know Python?
Me: Yes
Guy: I want a program that reads a CSV containing IP addresses and tells which of them are valid.
Me: Sure thing. Show me the CSV file.
Guy: (Shows the file)
Me: (Writes a small function for checking whether the IP is valid)
Me: Done Here you go.
Guy: You should be using regex.
Me: Why? This is perfect. No need for regex.
Guy: My manager wants a solution using regex only.
Me: Why so?
Guy: I don't know. Can you do it using regex?
Me: Only if you say so. (Stackoverflow. Writes a humongous regex). Done!
Me: Just for curiosity, what is your application?
Guy: I will port it in Java. You see, regex is easy to debug.
Me: Ohhh Yes. I forgot that. Good luck with your regex.22 -
"I'm not paying for a website that's going to be free to visit, that doesn't make sense"
-A million $ idea guy
28 -
Most embarrassing dev moments:
Many years ago before I knew anything about javascript minification, I opened a .min.js file and thought "wow the guy who wrote this must be insanely smart"2 -
Sales Guy: Hey Man, you know what? you should go back to college and advance your knowledge in Software Engineering. This way you will be an expert in programming and handling the Servers.
Me: I started programming at the age of 17 and started handling servers by the age of 18. Can I ask you something if you don't mind?
Sale Guy: Yea sure I don't mind anything
Me: Get the fuck out of here8 -
Congrats to Rami Malek for winning Emmy Award for best lead actor in a drama series - Mr. Robot. He was stunned to win over heavy competition. Must be a modest guy.
4 -
I accidentally open eclipse (Java code) during a demo.
The same smart ass Einstein's cousin business guy : Oh that is SQL, I have learnt it.. it was too simple for me that is why I decided not to be a developer
Me : You are lucky it's Friday
4 -
Few of us went to the break. After 20 minutes or so, this one guy just stands up, says he’ll be right back, and leaves. We figured he went to the toilet or something. He never came back2
-
Just interviewed a guy with ~8 years of experience:
Me: *Asked him to write a simple algo logic on a paper*
Him: I don't do much of algo design. I'm much of a design patterns and software design guy.
Me: How would you design a singleton class in Java?
Him: *writes a sloppy code*
Me: Hey, thanks for your time. Our HR will get back to you with further updates.
Moral: Interviews can be very short when the candidate doesn't code.
15 -
Pc wouldn't boot. Went to the service center.
The guy at the shop : what's the problem?
Me : pc won't boot, just starts beeping
The guy : I see. It could be a hardware or a software problem.
Me : (trying to keep a straight face) oh?
Him : oh yes... It's always either a software or a hardware problem.
Me : thanks I guess?9 -
Fucking fuck fuck fucker fucking fuck
What a dumbass guy seriously. I have this colleague in my office who refuses to create a new branch because that will "ruin the single straight line". Are you seriously fucking kidding me??? The noobest guy ever doesnt know a third git command other than pulling and committing fucking nonsense. Why use git then? Just go back to creating zip files are maintain code. Fuck that guy too who hired him and now because of this fucking asshole I am not able to carry on my work.
Such so-called "developers" should be strapped to the back of a horse and the horse made to run on a gravel road for fuck's sake.. Fuck you man 🖕24 -
im a programmer.
Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?
Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....
Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.18 -
Me: I'm unable to connect through VPN
IT guy at my office: I'll format your system and reinstall OS
Me: heck no!! There should be other effective solution.
IT guy: Yes, I can take backup of your files and then reinstall OS.
Me: Just get out!! F*ckin ididot!!16 -
Good guy @dfox,
When he sees a good rant without upvotes, he upvotes it.
We need more like @dfox.
Be like @dfox :)12 -
Interview (first job):
Interviewer: So what languages do you know?
Me: Well, i learnd C, C++ and Matlab scripting, but i'm learning C# as a personal project.
Interviewer: Perfect!
First day:
Interviewer(now boss): So, a guy is leaving next week and you will be replacing him. He has 70 projects and you will be responsible for this production test platform in JAVA11 -
Seen on a lottery commercial:
Guy 1: That can't be right check it again.
Guy 2: Computers can't be wrong, they're programmed that way!2 -
Saw a video of an interview on Cloud Computing...
That genius guy says: "Cloud computing is highly risky. Because if it rains, all the data will be lost."4 -
Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.
"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"
Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.19 -
This little guy came and went in between my arm and my belly. He must be having a rough day. Just kinda glad I can make it better :)
5 -
Support guy: The page isn't loading
Me: can you show me?
Support guy *brings a fucking PRINTED SCREENSHOT, full colour*: here
Me *shocked as ever, sketching roughly page's UI on the paper he brought*: here. Fixed
We both laughed but myself only on the outside. I cried within. That's like the next fucking level.
The next one I think could only be taking a pic of a printed screenshot. Or printing a pic of a screen. -
I don't wanna be that guy that posts jokes here but thought this one was pretty good:
What's the most popular language in programming?...
...Profanity6 -
I want to see a movie where machines gain intelligence and go to war with humanity, only to be defeated when some guy deletes a single semi-colon from their code.
Saw this in a Tumblr blog. Lol3 -
This guy is supposed to be a "spring framework guru"
Yo Mr. Guru, this is not how you write a pom file especially when you are teaching someone who probably is new to programming. Just think if the new guy/girl goes on to write such xml files in the future. What are you even trying to do man.
5 -
Coding nightmare -> the guy who wrote this application I guess wanted job security? At the VERY least to be a pain in the ass to anyone else who touches his code....WHO NAMES THEIR VARIABLES PEOPLE NAMES?!?!? do I know what "Beth" or "Sarah" stand for? ummmm....no 😢9
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Agreed with a guy on a price for a second hand laptop-tablet. Finally on my way (NS, go drown in an ocean of infected cum) but I'd be very late.
Guy offers to come to the station (saving me more than an hour of travel time)!
This one SHOULD be Linux compatible 😅11 -
How to Code...
“Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live”
― John Woods2 -
Now normally I wouldn't post something like this but since I would be laughing just like this guy if somebody came to me with this problem, I just had to
5 -
Dude, stop trying to cram your crappy open source library into all our projects. No-one uses it, it's buggy as hell, and even if it did work properly, it adds virtually zero advantages.
Seriously, if you Google this library, the results are: a blog post this guy has written about it saying it's awesome, the same guy answering people's questions on Reddit by saying that all their problems would be solved by using his library, and someone else raising an issue saying it doesn't work 🤦♀️5 -
"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods5
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!!office drama
I haven't been around much in recent weeks. Due to family illness, christmas shopping, dealing with estranged parents, and brooding over the foregoing, I haven't had a lot of time or energy left to myself.
tl;dr: The CTO ("API Guy") is ostensibly getting fired, and I might be taking over his job. I don't know if I should accept, try to stave this off, or simply flee.
------
Anyone who has been following my recent rants knows that API Guy is my boss, and he often writes terrible code. It's solid and unbreakable, but reading it is a *nightmare.* One of our applications is half the length of Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, and it's difficult to tell what code is live and what amounts to ancient, still-active landmines. This is one application; we have several, most of which I've never even looked at.
Ostensibly the code is so terrible because the company grew extremely quickly, and API Guy needed to cram in lots of unexpected / planned-against features. From what I can see, that seems about right, but I haven't checked timeframes [because that's a lot of work!].
Here's a brief rundown of the situation.
- API Guy co-founded the company with the CEO.
- CEO and API Guy have been friends for a long time.
- CEO belives the company will fail with API Guy as head of tech.
- They could just be testing me; I have zero way of knowing. API Guy seems totally oblivious, and CEO seems sincere, so this feels pretty doubtful.
- CEO likes pushing people around. CEO believes he can push me around. API Guy doesn't budge. (I probably won't, either, except to change task priorities.)
- API Guy's code is huge and awful, but functional.
- API Guy is trying to clean up the mess; CEO doesn't understand (maybe doesn't care).
- Literally nobody else knows how the code works.
- Apart from API Guy and myself, the entire company is extroverted sales people.
- None of these sales people particularly like me.
- Sales people sell and sell and sell without asking development if they can pull enough magic features out of their hat to meet the arbitrary saleslines. (because the answer is usually no)
- If I accept, I would be the sole developer (at first) and responsible for someone else's mountain of nightmarish code, and still responsible for layering on new features at the same pace as he. Pay raise likely, but not guaranteed.
- My getting the position is contingent upon the CEO and the investors, meaning it's by no means guaranteed.
- If I don't accept, likely API Guy will be replaced with someone else of unknown ability, who doesn't know the code, and whom I must answer to regardless. Potentially OK, potentially a monumental disaster.
Honestly, it feels like I'm going to be screwed no matter what course I choose.
Perhaps accepting is slightly better?
The best would be to assume the position of CTO and keep API Guy around -- but that would feel like an insult to him. I doubt he'd be okay with it. But maybe. Who knows? I doubt the CEO would seriously consider that anyway.
I feel like a lamb between a dim, angry rhino, and an oblivious one.23 -
Day 1:
Me: 'Hi'
Middleware guy: 'Raise a Jira. We have always been so accommodating. Contact your manager.'
*Jeez*
===
Day 2:
Me: 'Could you please start the server in dev environment? I am a new joiner. I don't have access. Here is a jira.'
Middleware guy: 'Deadlines may be for you. It is not for me. Wait until tomorrow.'
*Damn, did he get a divorce recently?*
===
Day 5: *An urgent delivery asap* 'Hi, could you please do the configuration of the new app in staging?'
Middleware guy: 'So, here is the split up...
Task 1
Task 2
Task 3
Task 4
Task 5 & 6
Your app will be configured by tomorrow first half hopefully.. Oh and you can escalate if it is too late..
'
*What a b...*
===
Day 8:
Me: *Doing late sit for pushing a task* 'Hi, we have an issue. The server is not starting. Could it be due to..'
MW guy in 'second' shift: 'Oh, we don't extend support on unusual hours'
Me: 'But this is second shift.'
MW guy: 'Yeah, but I have to go home early now...'
====
Day 10:
Team Lead: 'Any innovative solutions?'
Me: 'Let's go SERVERLESS!' :D12 -
Favorite co-worker conversations:
Guy 1: PHP can be plenty fast! Just put in APC, Memcached, and Varnish and you can handle just about any load.
Guy 2: So you're saying PHP is fast when it doesn't run.1 -
I'm a newbie when it comes to programming. The thing I like about devRant is that I'm learning how not to be "that guy" from everyone's complaints.
Here's to devRant teaching us newbs how to not make as much of a mess of things.8 -
I Don't want to be that guy that has stickers on his laptop that he didn't "earn" them.
That is, if I am not fluent in AWS I won't plaster their stickers, even though I attented one course one time.
Just a thought11 -
Currently on the train to work:
*Guy pulls out his laptop
Me: *Oh nice. Dell laptop. Oh wait, shoot, that’s a Dell XPS 15. 😎Sweet!! Looks super clean. Get it boss, I salute you. Anyway, it’s probably running Windows 10 as expected. It’d be super cool if it run Ubuntu though.
*Guy lifts laptop lid.
Me: *Ahh, look how clean it is too. No fingerprints or smudges on the screen or keyboard. That’s my style. I like this guy. We can definitely share laptops.
*Guy powers on laptop
Me:*Woooooohooooo, no way!!! Gets a little tear of joy in my eyes. I want to hug this guy. This guy rocks. Oh mann, I want to start a conversation with him but can’t because another passenger is standing between us.
*The laptop run Ubuntu! 😍😱😁
17 -
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. 😂😂15
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Studying in the library and just walked by a guy working on something in assembly. I want to be nosey, but he has a final this week (using a school library and they have extended finals hours). :(5
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C: hey mate, what's the best tool to open up this 31.1M rows x 106 cols CSV file?
M: Umh...Pandas DataFrame or R DataTable I guess?
C: all right, Excell will do, thanks!
M: erhm...yeah, anytime?11 -
It's 20-fucking-21 and I'm still asked to provide paper copies of my thesis. 😐
It's snowing outside and I don't have a usb to copy my shit and bring it to the "copy and bind" guy, so this is gonna be fun. (said no one, ever)
Oh, also, offices are closed so handover is going to be even more fun. 😐16 -
I’m so tired of egocentric lying management executive types.
Executive: You should be thinking about how you speak to the “leadership”.
Me: How about stop lying, blaming me for your own mistakes, and then blackmailing?
Guy has never heard ‘no’ in his life.
Seriously, иди на хуй.10 -
"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."
John F. Woods
(found this in a demo snippet)6 -
Heard this one on the lift today:
"I'm more of a backend guy"
You have to be really careful when you say that kind of stuff...7 -
On my first day at work realising that I would be working on a code base with 1.5 million+ lines of code and the only documentation is half a paragraph some guy wrote the day before he left 😑3
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This guy has a weird sense of system security if he thinks an SSH MOTD will keep unauthorised people away. Because you know, setting SSH permissions would be too sensible.
12 -
First time my laptop acted as a CV.
I've been in a personal project with my pal for like a three months. We meet sometimes at a cafe which is a very nice workplace, we often see more people with laptops, so we are not the only ones that thinks so.
My pal was waiting for me, he got a table early and then I arrived. there was a guy nearby us.
Me: (this guy has a newest new macbook pro, fucking riche)
-- I sit, put my laptop and start to work with my pal --
The guy starts looking at my stickers without hiding his doing at all. I noticed that instantly
Me: (Crap, he's gonna ask something :( )
-- I kept discussing stuff with my pal for like 5 minutes and then it happened. the guy stands up and... --
Guy: hey! how are you? sorry for bother, are you perhaps developers? I'm asking because I saw your stickers
Me: mmm yes
Guy: Do you have a job currently?
Me: We are in a project (No need to mention this is personal project and I got my full time job)
Guy: Oh, ok, no problem, you see I got a company, and currently we are looking for people to work with us, we want frontend developers with javascript skills preferable, but anything is welcome. Interviews starts next week, so if you are interested or know someone that could be, I'll give you my card and please write me at my mail if anything.
Me: got it, no problem.
-- I tried my best to hide my displeasure face(but I think I showed it a little), for him to being a riche with a new macbook pro, and you know, the interruption, I wanted to be focused while working in da project --
-- I got the card, I read it a bit, didn't dig into too much, there was stuff to do at the moment. the guy already returned to his chair and my friend --
Pal: Excuse me Mr Guy, what's the job tittle?
Me: (FUCK! dude!, we're working in our shit, don't give him more reason to try to scout us. we are behind the schedule and I need to explain this shit to you FFS)
Guy: Oh yes, will be frontend developer(again), but if you are a full stack that will be a plus too, we got some stuff with angular 1.x(ugh), and sencha touch(ugh) and ...(don't remember what else was it)
Pal: Ok and the job is full time in site? or are you open to work remotely
Me: (ok man, you sound interested, that makes me look interested too >:( )
Guy: preferable in site, but we would consider remotely depending on the person.
Pal: Good! thank you very much Mr. X
Guy: cool
-- Later on, like two hours, my friend goes to the counter for more coffee --
-- I text him: dude, I feel the guy will kidnap me or something --
-- then the guy start looking again at my laptop and... ---
Guy: hey! Jhon was your name right? Do you have experience with devops? I see your aws stickers
Me: yes
Guy: do you have experience with microservices?
Me: yes, a bit with lambda, also I've done some stuff with kubernetes, opsworks, rds and whatnot. no biggie
Guy: oh cool! we have a devops job too, there is a migration we need to do for an app to micro services. again if you are interested or know someone that it does. please mail me :)
Me: gotcha
There were no further interactions with Mr. Guy the rest of the day.
I'll be thrilled if someone ask me about my bee and puppycat sticker
12 -
The guy who kept asking for my help... it's not that I have a problem with that, but his problems could be solved with a very simple Google search.6
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Dude on remote meeting: -cough- -cough- I don't really feel that bad, I'm pretty sure i'm not contagious. I might come in.
Don't be that guy people (even outside of the COVID timeline...).
Fortunately he didn't come in so no harm no foul.1 -
Having to deal with the "vim guy" in the office, who refuses to believe that people should be allowed to use their editor of choice, and that you are somehow an insuperior developer because you prefer a native GUI.11
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The things on your cv are suppose to be known by you, not by your colleague from the previous job.
I had a guy on interview, who talked about his colleague's work... wtf.4 -
>be me
>be excited for secret santa
>buys gift
>the guy who got my gift is happy :)
>wait till the end of the day
>no gift for me :/
>leave office with nothing to be excited about
>reach home
>get to know about steam winter sale
>buy games to the point of happiness ;-;
10/10 would worship gaben ;~;
17 -
The boss told me the app must be ready for Thurs. And he was supposed to tell me the information about the hardware they are using but he did not!
Also his phone is off 👿
How do u call this guy?7 -
Christmas eve, no programming for once (tomorrow lots though). Just chilling with a best friend, having beers and fried stuff and watching family guy episodes. Not programming can be a bliss sometimes!2
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The FCC Chairman is going ahead with his plan to repeal net neutrality despite objections from fellow commissioners, the CTO, more than a hundred members of Congress, senators and of course, the people.
What the fuck is wrong with this guy? How far up your own fucking ass does your head have to be to ignore basically everyone's vote against you? What the fuck. This guy is a really piece of fucking work. I hope this bounces back to bite him in the ass real hard.15 -
I first got into software when found an broken printer abandoned in my front porch and u fixed it. That was when I realised that I would be an IT guy
.
.
.
.
.
.just kidding1 -
Be me, miss specifying the item in an array so a drop-down doesn't work, get fired from the project and moved to a much lesser project.
Be the other guy, fuck up the app so bad you have to roll back 3 weeks worth of work...no big deal...1 -
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. - Martin Golding1
-
I’m a backend guy.
But because of reasons I’m editing a winforms json settings editor.
There has to be another way.2 -
Guy 1: Can I come to your house
Guy 2: No don’t I don’t want to be ashamed by my fat mother
Guy 1: How fat is your mom
Guy 2: FAT 323 -
This is a rant about that guy who is younger, more talented, smarter, more handsome and a super wizard in everything he does.. and still manages to be a nice guy.
Fuck you. It's unfair3 -
How. The. Fuck...do these people has a job:
Me: How much to repair my Nexus 6 screen? It's not full smashed.
Tech guy: We'll need to see the phone
Me: Why? I need the screen replaced
Tech guy: Ok...send us a screen shot. it could be a cheap fix
Fucking me side ways! Really?1 -
Client sent me a screenshot complaining of their website performance. After hours of guided debugging, I noticed a familiar figure from one of the images sent.
See the photo... Zoom into the toolbar next to play button... Yes! It was that guy pretending to be a browser.
2 -
Should a developer really have to be a jack of all trades? I write code, but at work I feel like I am always getting pulled into sysadmin debacles. I am not a sysadmin or an ops person. I am a developer, not a systems guy.
If you want me to be a systems guy, then train me to be one. You hired me to write code, not to troubleshoot shitty IBM Application Servers.8 -
In the next 40 years devRant will be non-existential because developers wont be there anymore, you know why?
AI takes over the world.. writes its own code and build new products.
Suck it.
Signing off
- Elon Musk
(personally, I love this guy)22 -
I really love how beautiful code can be, and the feeling of creating something for others or yourself to enjoy. But I hate being the family's IT guy... I'm a developer not IT support.4
-
Just to be clear:
I don't hate Zuckerberg,
I hate Facebook.
Always respect a guy who can put money together like it's a python list compression.7 -
How difficult is it to do things and do them properly? Clearly in 2019, very difficult. And why on Earth would you do things properly, when there's get rich quick schemes, shortcuts to be found and taken, and that filthy filthy legal tender. If the shitty implementation makes a profit, why do it properly? Makes no sense.
Except it fucking does. And you know why? Because of the guy that comes after you, that works with your fucking bullshit implementation and probably curses you to the moon and beyond in the process. Just like you probably did with the guy that came before you, with that bullshit you got tasked to work with. Don't be that guy. And don't be that guy to the next guy.
Still with me? Good. Here's the thing. You can do [insert job here] quick and dirty. But you're guaranteed to be checking back on it and fixing the crap later on. Or worse yet, someone else will be cursing you to the moon and beyond while they are fixing / working around your crap. So why not do it right in the first place? Is this why we can't have nice things?5 -
When someone wants help with a common error in a group and another person is encouraging him to actually look up the error online, DON'T SPOON FEED HIM WITH A STACKOVERFLOW LINK.
DON'T BE THAT GUY.1 -
Bro, that code u call well written, would look better if it was encoded in base64
Damn, u look like the guy at github who thought it would be a good idea to sell to microsoft.
You are an insult to anyone who codes... or thinks4 -
At work the other day...
Guy: "Oh hey I was thinking if you could help me with an application to visualize some data."
Me: "Ooookay...what did you have in mind?"
Guy: "I think we have XML files that could be turned into graphs...oh and we could add some trend lines. (Getting more excited) And maybe we could supplement it with live data...oh hey and maybe we could add real time alerts via email..."
Me: *thinks to self...there is no way in hell I am starting to work on something that he is literally coming up with requirements as he's talking* "I need specifics...so go take some time, think it through and get back to me with concrete details and examples."
Guy: "Ok. That should be enough to get you started for now at least."
That would be a big fuck no, good sir. Haven't started and won't start it. He has never mentioned it to me again since then.4 -
“You’ll be working in a fast-paced environment…” ALWAYS means “We’re incompetent, we don’t realize it, we don’t hire enough people to spread out the workload, we don’t have a real process, and we’ll blame you, the new guy, the first time something goes wrong.”4
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Sales guy: Hey, you're technical. Can you tell me how I'd go about doing (foobar) in this webapp I have here?
Almond: Err... I've never dealt with that webapp in my life. I wouldn't have a clue.
Sales guy: ...but you're a dev right? Oh well, never mind. Anyone more experienced around here that may know?
Almond: No idea, but I seriously doubt any of the devs will have used it. Maybe one of the other sales guys will?
Sales guy: So you're telling me *none* of the devs around here will know how to do this?!
Almond: Very unlikely (thinking why the hell would any devs be using a sales app, but whatever)
...15 minutes later...
Sales guy: Ahah, I figured it out! (Explains what buttons he had to click in crappy app to do foobar)
Almond: Glad you got it sorted!
Sales guy: I'm really surprised none of you devs could figure this out, but I could. Perhaps I should change careers and be a dev.
...what?!3 -
Guy studies programming for a year.
Guy: I am going to start this amazing project wanna help
Me: Sure what is it
Guy: ***Long story of a decent idea***
Me: Sure Ill help, what do you need me to do
Guy: Only a few functions
A few days later...
Guy: Hey I don't where to start or how I should do it can you help me with like THE WHOLE PROGRAM?
If you haven't gathered from this story. Don't be that one guy who has an idea but doesn't write or make a plan for it as your just going to waste other peoples energy and resources.8 -
The guy I was ranting about yesterday (https://devrant.com/rants/1243807), told me he saw me posting here... 😅
After further inquiry, he said he didn't read what I was typing or so I hope. He seems to be more quiet today. 😆5 -
Things you shouldn’t be:
1. Racist
2. That guy that interrupts the person next to him while he is trying to write code every 2 fucking minutes and asks dumb and meaningless questions3 -
My company employed a new back-end guy from a random country in Africa (our first non-european). After firing the internal IT guy a year ago, they have now noticed that he has fully protected our company from login attempts outside of europe. The replacement has no idea how to revert it and honestly is not an system administrator.
Our DevOps guy knows how to solve it but nobody asked him and he cannot be arsed.8 -
Currently playing "the IT guy" for my uncle. I'm supposed to "speed up" the laptop. It's a low tier Toshiba from about 5 years ago, that while idle sits at about 100% CPU usage and 80% RAM usage.
From what I can tell, it has NEVER been turned off since I set it up for him 4 years ago, or unplugged..
16 -
This sucks. I'm on a call in < 1 minute, but my technical team guy c n take 25 minutes to call in to tell us that he'll be ready to help in another hour.
How is this fair to my customers?7 -
Phone call with random guy:
"Hi I have an awesome idea for a mobile app that's going to change the world. I just don't know how to program it."
Me: "cool, let's set up a meeting to hash out the details and discuss the project & costs"
Guy: "I was hoping you would be able to do it for 10% equity, it's gonna make millions!"
Me: "Facepalm"6 -
I've stumbled upon Terry Davis months ago. I can say that he's a very interesting guy and a very talented one, only to be ruined by his schizophrenia :((
Any thoughts about him?
13 -
Me, 2 months ago: "This stack is such an overhead and unneccesarily complicated. The app could be made in like a week with jsp and jquery."
Other guy, 2 months ago: "No, we use Spring and angular2, and these 7 test/automation tools"
Other guy now: "We are nowhere, we havent even completed sprint1"
Me:
3 -
Manager gave me a project he wanted to be done fast. Spoke with the guy who wanted the feature asap . After 4 days of hard work and testing sent a email to the guy who wanted the feature asap, requesting access to ftp where to periodically upload the output data. Day 3 still no answer.1
-
class Life extends Death{
public static void main(String...args){
Guy me = new Guy();
me.born();
GirlFriend gf = new GirlFriend();
me.setGirlFriend(gf);
me.getMarried();
me.haveSon();
me.die();
}
}
------- Exception on line 5: NullPointerException, girlfriend cannot be null ---
Daaamnn6 -
Another guy on DevRant wanted to make an RPG.
After 2 months of slow communication, we never coded anything, because he couldn't decide what he wanted the game to be about.9 -
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks.Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.3 -
Computer engineering : Insanity!!!
Today a friend of mine was assigned to make a Client-Server Encryption using Sockets. The guy did a great job applying BlowFish algorithm, but the teacher was disappointed because she couldnt map letters to the encrypted text and she declared the program to be wrong!!!2 -
I really don't understand why my university thinks "Oh yeah, make the super easy python assignment that can be finished in 1 hour (max) using basic logic, syntax, and file I/O a 3-person group assignment, there's definitely not going to be just one guy writing code while the others free-ride and get an easy grade."5
-
Me,: we devs need silence to be able to focus properly, and to develop good quality software.
Marketing guy: we need to hang a frame on the wall.
Other marketing guy: yeah, let's grab the drill and make several holes, fuck those devs.4 -
I think this guy deserve to be place here.
Translation for kids part
" I will complain to dad about you then you will get punished"
1 -
Our team(except one guy) does follow TDD, it may or may not be the best but solves for us in most cases.
This one guy follows HDD : Hope Driven Development.
He writes some code, checks_in and HOPE it works :-)
And breaks preprod almost once per week.2 -
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live5
-
The guy Intel hired to come up with instruction mnemonics must be just letting his cat walk over the keyboard every time he needs a new idea.
cvttps2dq? sounds good! -
Doing and Code Review today... Not sure if this guy has really bad OCD, gets bored, or gets stuck and starts commenting the shit of things...
I'm not sure if I like it or hate it... typically "Good code should be self documenting" but this actually might be acceptable... code on the left, 10K foot view on the right?
4 -
No arguments.. just me bitching over
var name_variable_int;
var someOtherNeme;
var ThisIsAlsoInSameFile;
that some guy thought would be nice to have in same file..
Just pick one, even if it's incorrect for the language, ffs!!5 -
I guess im a pretty soft guy, but my boss keeps asking me to be rough with our clients because they are abusing our support service(me).
Im just not that guy..
what do?7 -
Dear algo,
Please stop giving me 30 day old posts, I know I've ++'d one or two here and there, but that does not mean I like specifically old posts. Also I'd rather not be "that guy" that reminds the poster of that post they made a month ago.6 -
They've just brought in a desk to my office. They're gonna bring another Dev in...
This guy apparently works Erlang, Ocaml, Python... I work all C# so this is bound to be fucking good! Hahaha I'm happy.
3 -
Used to be the intern in the company I work at...
Finally became a Jr software dev, I get to select the next intern...
That was 3 months ago, he has started and I get to bug fix all his stuff...
He's a nice guy tho -
Making coffee
I've now got an electric coffee grinder at the office and I regularly make some specialty coffee with a V60 here
Soon I will be known as «the coffee guy»30 -
Following on from my school having terrible passwords. Turns out they stored all our passwords in plain text somewhere - so some script kiddie (Do you even need to be a script kiddie to find this - probably not, but the guy who did this was a script kiddie) could just remote log me out twice, log in as me, be a twat, and have a conversation in Notepad.
1 -
Do you know that feeling when you ask for help in a chat or board and some guy posts a link to the first google result by just googling what you asked?
I mean does that guy think that I can’t use google?
I wouldn’t ask for help if the answer could be found in google in a few seconds.
On the other hand you can’t be mad because he only wanted to help you.8 -
So I just found an old branch, from an ex co-worker, with a whole bunch of unmerged docs. This effectively cuts my workload for today in half.
Today I'm going home early fuck yeesss
Also I will be sending that guy some well deserved couple of beers1 -
Why I can't be a politician? Because I would be that kind of guy who will definitely end this pandemic by suggesting the public to have their lung surgically removed.
I am a software engineer , I often remove cable from my local server and plug back in and it works. So I conclude , I can't be a politician.8 -
So a client of mine who I've known a long time referred me to a friend of his for a project. OK great! Quoted the guy a price got the OK but didn't know my client had told this friend they would be paying me for the job. Well I found this out when I went to get payment from the guy. I call my client and he proceeds to tell me "yes we told him we would pay for it but thought it would just be included in our project fee which was already paid".. WTF2
-
just so you boys know, "sorry you feel this way" is not an apology, and if a guy comes with this bs to me they will be sorry for the way I'll feel then14
-
This fucking guy create a mess of a code, more than a spaghetti code, a clusterfuck of shit untested spaghetti code, and the project is actually getting well, our customer is getting bigger but everytime there is something to be added, its a fucking pain to add, and when something breaks, almost every thin breaks, and the shitty guy who wrote this code is quitting and its fucking up to me to clean up all the fucking mess, fucking asshole.
DOCUMENT AND TEST YOUR CODE KID, DONT BE A FUCKING SPAGHETTI PROGRAMMER7 -
When that one guy only points out in reviews missing semicolons and sapace/tabs issues. He could be reviewing 'return x/0' and will just say "you are missing ; after 0 mate".
-
They said: hey, we need to hire a guy to work directly with you and help with your everyday tasks.
They didn't say that he will be in a different country.3 -
Two years ago, a government agency hired an applicant with obviously lesser experience (a fresh graduate for crying out loud) than mine for a developer job (with 13 years of foundation). He was hired because he had connections inside this agency.
Recently, I heard that this guy is starting to be a pain in the neck. Who wouldn't be?!?! The guy has got connections inside. He's untouchable. And it's irreversible. Sad story.10 -
an IT student from same semester another section.
met because I was helping with a side project. and he happens to be there.
here's the interaction:
guy: heard ... u work for a company..
me: ya.. um web development
guy: never heard of that ...wheyyyyyy ....re is it!
me: ʘ‿ʘ4 -
Showed a colleague how < uparrow > is used in bash. That poor guy....
typing everything again must be so hard2 -
we just created a new web dev team (3 months) and boss came to us, looked what frontend guy has done already (one guy who joined us month ago) and said "this is not how i imagined our platform. It should be working next month". Well how about providing anything to let us know what do you want? Well Im fighting now to get some brief at least ;)
-
So in two days I'm inheriting a project that's older than I am... This ought to be interesting.
I'm glad the other guy is going though4 -
That one day you realize you can be in an abusive relationship with your boss, and he's a sales guy, and gaslighting is what he does PROFESSIONALLY.4
-
My YouTube recommendations be like
"I am 28 with no friends and girlfriend"
"I am 30 years old with no social life"
"Living as a single guy at 30 years old"
"No friends and no family and left behind in life"
What are you trying to tell me, YouTube?54 -
For the first time, wholeheartedly prepared for an interview for a major IT firm, only to be rejected coz i didnt know what methods are present in a library i had never used!! Wanted to throw the guy out of the window!! 😑3
-
That moment when you realize your keyboard searches are proudly brought to you by this guy..? It makes sense for Bing to be used in Wordflow but here?! Well, guess whose visits are gonna skyrocket soon...😂
2 -
be me.
be sad that you can't find your favorite Greek Food online.
offer your local Greek Restaurant that you do their web stuff.
make a nice modern website.
show it to the greek guy.
"Oh please look at this website, I like it more"
shows you a site build with tables, and menu-shortcuts only linked to pdf files.
cry in a corner.1 -
was handed a new .NET project (im not a C# guy). i go to spin up a windows 10 machine, i have a 20 gig SSD thinking that would be enough - Windows 10 + Visual studio is 24 gigs???? WTF!!!!2
-
Personally, I am fine with Windows and I run it on a couple boxes. Just don't be the Ignorant Windows Guy at work who needs constant help when there's not a GUI for something. Not as annoying as Elitist Linux Guy or Pompous Mac Guy, but still annoying.1
-
First rant. Getting into web development like html+css, javascript, node.js etc. I am a back-end type of guy, not a front-end. It would be great if you guys give me some suggestions.10
-
I think I must be in here somewhere but, I do have a guy that takes the ducky method too seriously and gas audible conversations with himself.1
-
"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live", which as I end up maintaining my own code, happens to be true.
-
Great... None of my coworkers know about this tiny bit of undocumented code, and the guy who wrote it, I replaced ... Fucks sake ... Next weeks gonna be hellish2
-
Look at this guy. He can barely talk but already be messing with some tech stuff.
I remember myself from the age of five. I remember two things: how they asked me how old I was and I looked at my hand showing all five fingers and that I always knew I’ll be doing something tech when I grow up.
6 -
guy shows up at the end of workday to tell me something i did last week changed yesterday and has to be redone, and asks if i can do it today. my boy, i tried, but 20 minutes is 20 minutes, idk what you expected2
-
!rant
Remember that one day someone says "lets make a game about a fat italian guy that save the princess from the evil big monkey by jumping some barrels and a hammer".
Do not be afraid of your own ideas, you always miss the shots that you don't take.
1 -
Publishing stuff and receiving feedback and improvement ideas is sush a great feeling. A guy opend an issue today asking for a feature to be implemented and he was very polite. Thanking me for my work.
This is way better than money. Money can't buy that feeling. People like this guy is the reason open source stuff lives. -
Can I be a fucker?
Here is the crazy guy on my fav childhood beach.
BT glasses now (today I want Portuguese hip hop) but usually camera glasses (suposed to be 1080p, pix are 640x480) , so other gadjet to unmount.
See that sea? Marvelous...
4 -
How does it feel to be excluded from your team even though you've worked so hard to finish the project.
Then there's this guy that doesn't do anything, still gets the glory.2 -
Oh my! This guy is such a dickhead! We have a release tomorrow and he just changed everything a coworker did in the past few weeks because it had some errors and looked not polished enough.
Now it looks quite nice.
*sigh* Sometimes I can be such an asshat. -
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.3
-
Our company does internal projects. I send emails to owners with all the links for a sales funnel. 2 weeks go by, no feedback, we launch, and then I get changes.
Sometimes months will go by and one guy will notice something on a page and be like 'how longs this been there?'
Months... Did you read the email?
Always the same guy.4 -
When in the screening phone call the HR guy tells you will be using AngularJS. So, you brain like .. ok this is a good reason for you to learn it.
Now I can’t wait to do all the courses online to learn AngularJS lol8 -
Lol the guy in my team make it sound like masterbaita. What an accent lol. Lol which should be master data 😂 so no one is correcting him
-
I get being a noob and trying to learn but don't be a lazy ass by not even knowing if the library you're wanting to use is available for the language you're using it in.
Don't be this guy.
2 -
guy creates very cool looking, advanced css effects library that went viral
guy puts it up on GitHub
guy writes a ranty post and pins it to top the of issues with stuff like "i'm not going to make this a module or library that can be installed, and also don't try because i've already created a seperate repo for that" ON AN OPEN SOURCE LIBRARY
dude, you already open-sourced it, people are going to use it however they want
idk, just found this to be a very weird vibe, thought i'd share. thoughts?13 -
I sincerely want to thank Google.
I was this introverted guy with lots of questions to ask.
Whenever I try to ask question I could not. It might be - my ass liked the bench too much or gravity was different for me.
Anyway, Thanks google.2 -
How much arguments you need to change your opinion?
Once I was lead developer, new guy came and he was impossible in his quest to be right. We would argue for three hours, while time passed away. Every day arguments over slack...7 -
Met a guy today who in all seriousnes said that our M.O. should be "hard to write, hard to read". Dude. Shit like this is why nobody want to collaborate with you..2
-
COMMENTS BE LIKE...
Physics exam. Seems I was the special guy who did the task in a different (and almost correct way), so my teacher had to share some golden thoughts with me.
Passed anyway xD
6 -
What's your opinion on Deno the new javascript / typescript / Webasembly runtime from the same guy who invented node.js ? Do you think it will be replacing node? Do you gonna try it?
https://deno.land/std/manual.md/...
22 -
On a Sunday 8pm evening. C-Level (CEO, CFO, C-etc) guy account is getting auto logout.
Boss: please be available on a 9pm call.
Me: can this wait till tomorrow?
Boss: No
Me in my head: why cant just login again
Meanwhile on normal days: other users experiencing issues.
Boss: C-guy never experienced and I cant replicate it.
Me: nice..4 -
A client decided to give a refresh to his website. So he said he wanted me to take care of it. Curious because he has an IT guy full-time just for the website.
When I offered the hosting service too the IT guy got crazy, he started making a lot of questions like why should I take full control of the website. I replied that's optional, I can just deploy the website in the current server.
The client said, yes I want you to take care of everything.
IT guy again making questions about what database I'm planning to use, what framework, what version, bla bla bla.
At this point I said to my self: Well, maybe this guy made an awesome job. Probably he used a framework that I don't know. The database must be neat and tidy.
So, I go an check the current website... WordPress... Are you freaking kidding me? The IT guy getting crazy for a premium WP template? Why is he full-time anyway? Why is the client looking for someone else?1 -
Bad part of working as a freelancer who builds things from scratch.
.
.
.
There will be always a other guy quoting to the same projects far less by using WordPress and your clients never gets the difference between them 😑1 -
I'm at DreamHack Dallas, and I just saw a guy at his booth open Unity, fix a bug, and rebuild the game.
No judgment from me brah, I get it,
but it is nice not to be my broken demo for a change.2 -
We have this guy at the company who always presents good ideas and always suggests new projects. One day he suggested a great project, our boss really liked the idea and gave me the green light to start creating it.
The guy, seeing the opportunity to promote himself, and without consulting me about the deadline, set up a meeting to present the application to the directors, and only then informed me about the deadline. At that moment I did my part, told him that it would not be possible to meet the deadline with all the requirements, something had to be withdrawn, and that's what he did, took a lot of things from the project and we went on like this.
While I was implementing the application, he was always pushing, asking me to do it faster, asking my boss to put me exclusively in his project, and things like that, the boss was always saying that there were not enough people on the team to devote someone exclusively to the project. The guy of course did not agree with that.
At the end the application, without a lot of the initial requirements, was a really mess but ready, he presented to the directors, who in turn liked a lot, and consequently asked to do all the initial requirements and some more. But now those initial requirements had to be made on top of a mess because of all the rush and adaptations.
A few months later, with the change of the board, the guy turned up being my boss, and I've prepared myself to go back to his project with exclusive dedication.
Then came the surprise, when the guy, in the boss position, realized the limitations of the team, instead of putting me to do everything he wanted in that project, he canceled the project entirely and for all the reasons that had already been said to him by the former boss.
Please, don't be like that guy!2 -
I may not be the guy who 'sudo rm -rf /' for a company but I dang near came close and had a heart attack...
-
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.1
-
!rant
Showing a php and dual-boot guy the anti-php and anti-window posts might be an intentional algorithm. We never know. 💀 -
Trying to buy a domain on sedo but the guy is looking for $8000!!
What planet is he on it’s 2018 and the domain is quite niche. It’s not exactly pizza.com
Cunts be crazy! -
There is this developer talking to an ops guy behind me and I was tuning them out until she suddenly said, "Are you tweeting? .. While I'm talking to you?"
Everyone laughs, including her. She adds, "I don't know whether to be offended or impressed." -
so the Sales Guy emails Me that he needs something ccing the CEO of my company bypassing all the Managers under who I am currently working with ?
May be I should feel good he didn't cced the U.S. President :/1 -
Which Programming Laptop do you recommend? It should be light, thin and 13". My budget is 1800$. My current favorite would be a Macbook Pro but I was always a Windows kinda guy so I'm not really sure...37
-
I hate to be this guy @devRant but the avatar creator is really lacking in Hispanic skin tones. I have to be either white or Indian.2
-
If you could remember that I'm not your staff anymore and stop assigning me to projects. That'd be fucking swell.
I'm meant to be infrastructure now so fuck off. Oh a devs leaving let's hand the project to the infrastructure guy who's fucking leaving also!!
Fucking genius. I'm so close to just to saying fucking swivel and walking out. Fuck the notice period. -
So apparently the Android emulator only works well on Intel processors
And there was me trying to be the good guy and buy AMD5 -
Sometimes I think My company thinks like Hadoop ,
Instead of getting a experienced guy like 10 years exp . Let's take 5 with 2 years exp which should be more efficient !! 😒1 -
Good to be back at work.
But kind of annoying when you check the server and it turns out that the 3rd Party API fell over and the guy responsible for it is still in holidays.. -
Saw a git repo that contains the node_modules folder and some dependencies and was wondering how'd fuck did this guy get this up here.... Mehn some devs can be super powerful(funny)
-
The fun times, watching the little weenie down voting the guy who thinks vanilla js is better than jQuery. Here I thought devs were meant to be more intelligent, yet somehow a 30kb wrapper for js is better than js itself...
-
"look! a string of words that a guy on twitter with a laser eyes profile picture posted! it must be the very factual and very true latest system prompt of GPT4!"
god, dumb fucks.
we don't even need a GPT5, AI has already won; humans are retarded4 -
So I'm at this clinic deploying this top notch clinical cutting edge health care system we worked on for 3 months with mission impossible team...
A nurse came to me:
"You must be the IT guy, can you fix my printer ?"
What would you say guys in this scenario ?3 -
Got a guy trying to convince bosses of enforcing ESlint rules or whatever
This is the same guy that came into our repository forcing this shit on every single file he touched, when we had a different, established style
I shouldn't have let his new style enforced by ESlint defaults pass the first time in code review
Like, WHY the fuck do you want to be the enforcer of styles when you started shitting on what was there in the first place
Jesus fucking Christ5 -
All facebook group about web development is
- can you help me with my wordpress site
- how i can change my domaine name
- need help with e-commerce on wordpress
And other
Im there to follow new web technologies not to be a support guy jessus .
Quit the group2 -
The tale about our famous imbecile IT guy goes on.
After 7++ emails from the CXO and 4 emails from head of dev department, the IT guy has still, not provided the access I requested for our servers.
Do note, the head of dev department has been appointed by the Board of Directors to manage the infrastructure upgrade and merge.
The way everything has been done till now, is that one person controls everything and holds the usernames/ passwords. That’s going to change. At least 3 people will know it. And a super user will be created, and password given to the board of directors in a sealed envelope
I guess someone is at risk of loosing their job...
/me looks at IT guy1 -
I was looking at some code to add some quick features to it and muttering to myself, "whoever wrote this piece of shit... I'd possibly torture the guy to death if I get my hands on him now". Guess who's the guy... I'm sure two years from now I'd be saying the same thing about the stuff that I've written tonight...1
-
ON THE PHONE WITH THE SHITTY HEALTH CARE PROVIDER THAT OUR COMPANY USES... THEY CANT PROVIDE AN EMAIL.... NOW THE GUY I GOT SAYS HE CANT ACCESS MY INFO BECAUSE OF A SYSTEM ERROR.... NEED TO TRANSFER TO ANOTHER GUY!!!!
WTF!!!!! DUMBASSES.... THEY SHOULD BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!
AND I NEED TO GET A NEW JOB... BUT PROLLY WONT BE DOING THAT FOR AWHILE.... :( -
So I help I help this guy with setting up a Ruby Api backend for free.. First mistake,
Guy: hey you want something in return like LinkedIn endorsements.
Me: sure that be cool!
Guy endorses me for HTML...
Guy: your welcome!!!
Me: wtf.. HTML???
Guy: Dude your so ungrateful.1 -
I irritated a guy with great sense of humour, with my sense of humour.
Don't try hard, don't be yourself. Don't be nervous.12 -
That moment when the code that was supposed to be removed in only commented out!!! The guy butchered a bunch of classes by commenting out about 1000 lines of code
-
Conversation with a backend co-worker.
Me(Frontend): Here! The POS printer (for development purpose) has arrived! It supports Linux and Windows as mentioned on the box. I've sent you a decent npm package (escpos). Try to print a barcode with it, I'll sync with you tomorrow.
(Next day at noon)
Me: Whatcha doin?
Backend guy: Trying to set up the printer.
Me: ON YOU MAC?
Backend guy: Yes.
I try be as helpful as I can to anyone but it seems like this guy actively looks for a way to invent problems!3 -
A project manager broke down and started crying because she was told there’d be an onboarding meeting with the client. Another guy had to step in, because she didn’t stop crying.
Is this real life?22 -
Just got to know a good friend of my best friend who happens to be an it guy as well - he might move in with me soon - I somehow feel young again :)
-
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live!
-
Debating whether to be the guy that posts deep slash depressing shit on here. Or let my other personality of a meme Lord handle my devRant3
-
When did you feel that you were a *Serious* Programmer?
Mine had to be when I got a second monitor for my workstation. Felt like some 80's stereotype hacker. Even bought a Guy Fawkes mask just for a meme Instagram pic haha... Fml3 -
This is an actual transcript...
Since it's way too long for the normal 5000 characters, hence splitting it up...
Infra Guy: mr Dev, could you please give some rational for update of jjb?
Dev: sparse checkout support is missing
Infra Guy: is this support mandatory to achive whatever you trying to do?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: u trying to get set of specific folder for set of specific components?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: bash script with cp or mv will not work for you?
Dev: no
Infra Guy: ?
Dev: when you have already present functionality why reinvent the wheel
Dev: jenkins has support for it
Dev: the jjb is the bottle neck
Infra Guy: getting this functionality onto our infra would have some implications
Dev: why should I write bash script if jenkins allows me to do that
Dev: what implications ??
Infra Guy: will you commit to solve all the issues caused by new jjb?
Dev: you show me the implications first
Infra Guy: like a year ago i have tried to get new jjb <commit_url>
Infra Guy: no, the implications is a grey area
Infra Guy: i cant show all of them and they may hit like in week or eve month
Dev: then why was it not tackled
Dev: and why was it kept like that
Infra Guy: few jobs got broken on something
Dev: it will crop up some time later
Dev: if jobs get broken because of syntax
Dev: then jobs can be fixed
Dev: is it not ???
Infra Guy: ofc
Infra Guy: its just a question who will fix them
Dev: follow the syntax and follow the guidelines
Dev: put up a test server and try and lets see
Dev: you have a dev server
Dev: why not try on that one and see what all jobs fails
Dev: and why they fail
Dev: rather than saying it will fail and who will fix
Dev: let them fail and then lets find why
Dev: I manually define a job
Dev: I get it done
Infra Guy: i dont think we have test server which have the same workload and same attention as our prod
Dev: unless you test how would you know ??
Dev: and just saying that it broke one with a version hence I wont do it
Infra Guy: and im not sure if thats fair for us to deal with implication of upgrading of the major components just cause bash script is not good enough for u
Dev: its pretty bad
Infra Guy: i do agree
Infra TL Guy: Dev, what Infra Guy is saying is that its not possible to upgrade without downtime
Infra Guy: no
Dev: how long a downtime are we looking at ??
Infra Guy: im saying that after this upgrade we will have deal with consequences for long time
Infra Guy-2: No this is not testing the upgrade is the huge effort as we dont have dev resources to handle each job to run
Dev: if your jjb compiles all the yaml without error
Dev: I am not sure what consequences are we talking of
Infra Guy: so you think there will be no consequences, right?
Dev: unless you take the plunge will you know ??
Dev: you have a dev server running at port 9000
Infra Guy: this servers runs nothing
Dev: that is good
Dev: there you can take the risk
Infra Guy: and the fack we have managed to put something onto api doesnt mean it works
Dev: what API ?
Infra Guy: jenkins api
Infra Guy: hmmm
Dev: what have you put on Jenkins API ??
Infra Guy: (
Dev: jjb is a CLI
Infra Guy: ((
Dev: is what I understand
Dev: not a Jenkins API
Infra Guy: (((
Dev: (((((
Infra Guy: jjb build xmls and push them onto api
Infra Guy: and its doent matter
Dev: so you mean to say upgrading a CLI is goig to upgrade your core jenkisn API
Dev: give me a break
Infra Guy: the matter is that even if have managed to build something and put it onto api
Infra Guy: doesnt mean it will work
Dev: the API consumes the xml file and creates a job
Infra Guy: right
Dev: if it confirms to the options which it understands
Dev: then everything will work
Dev: I am actually not getting your point Infra Guy
Infra Guy: i do agree mr Dev
Dev: we are beating around the bush
Infra Guy: just want to be sure that if this upgrade will break something
Infra Guy: we will have a person who will fix it
Dev: that is what CICD is supposed to let me know with valid reasons
Dev: why can't that upgrade be done
Infra Guy: it can be done
Infra Guy: i even have commit in place3 -
Being the smartest guy on the team so spend most of the time cleaning everyone else's shit up in prod because they can't recognize what they wrote as shit.
O wait..... Hypothetical.... Hm...
I guess if you replace the proverbial shit with actual shit that would be worse... Smartest guy being a janitor...2 -
I’m applying at Alorica to find out how much pain it is to be that guy at CSR
do I have a deathwish? -
Your project is never complete. There will always be one business guy who'll report a feature as a bug.
-
Well I used to be that guy who was always cursing gradle sync but I realize I was just preparing myself for this, the next level!
10 -
!rant
Since I see a lot of mixed opinions all over the place; is Python considered to be a "douche bag" language? :S
It just makes me feel self-conscious since that's the language I'm by far most familiar with... :( Should I consider focusing on another language instead?9 -
When the guy who hosts the development server goes home earlier and you don't have access the the server. I'll be dammed, but there's nothing I can do expect play mobile games
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Every place you work has that one person who seems to make everything difficult. It's better to be that person's friend, even if you disagree with 90% of what they do.
Sometimes, you are that guy. -
I think the guy who did sensor bulb,, made a big bug, just imagine you are shitting and you have to wave to light it on. Izt suppose to be on till u leave.
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I am more of a backend guy. I just started coding in frontend too. Now I have to change some of the hardcoded things and those should be come from the backend. Yes this is the requirement.
Don't know how will I do it at this stage 🤔 -
We all have that guy in the team who everyone loves because he is such a laugh, but doesn't do shit and we have to work extra to be able to barely meet the deadline4
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Who just accidentally volunteered to go through an apps code and write down how it all works?
This guy!
Asked what I thought was a simple yes no question and have now caused an entire department to question everything they know.
On the plus side at the end of this I'll be the go-to guy for this app. And I can document it as I go.
So win win? -
https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/...
I have to be honest. I like AMD, but this is really a big fuck up in my opinion. Just helped a guy debug this issue and find he has this problem.8 -
Happened way back when I was still in high school and facebook was relatively new. We used to own a cyber cafe.
--
The Guy: (Talking to other customers) I'll have you know that I'm a graduate in Computer Science! *Proceeds to boast about self and other bullshittery*
Others: *In awe*
Me: *Veeeery Skeptical*
A few days later...
The Guy: (Talks to me) Hey, there seems to be a problem with your internet. I can't log in on facebook.
Me: Could you try to do what you are doing again?
...
The Guy: See, doesn't work.
Me: Have you registered your account on facebook?
The Guy: Huh? What are you talking about? I have my Yahoo! mail.
Me: ..You need to register your email on facebook in order to log in.
The Guy: What?? I don't get it. I am registered and have a Yahoo! mail!
Me: *Brain Sigh*
(I proceed to help him register his email on facebook)
The Guy: Oh, you had to register on facebook! Now I get it! I thought that if you created an email you can immediately use that to log in to facebook.
Me: *Internal facepalm x1000*
(This guy is a Computer Science graduate? Oh PLEASE. ) -
Back when I was at uni, we had this group project based on data security.
At the first sit down meeting we had as a team, this one guy sat down and said "to be honest guys I'd be happy with a pass (40-50%) for this module"...
Well great.2 -
I just had an Indian guy cold call me. He said his name was "Steve Jones." I mean, I suppose he could be a reverse Aziz Ansari, but somehow I doubt it.
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so my mum got a new phone yesterday (huawei p smart)...
boy will that be an adventure showing her what is possible now (coming from moto g3😅)🙄
but hey i'm a patient guy when it comes to that😏 -
Apparently today is going to be 39 Celsius.
Do you think my work would frown upon a bearded hairy guy wearing a dress? 👗
I have a meeting with some business people too... Do you think they would mind?
Fml.4 -
I was a pure automation QA guy. And told every recruiter that I will do pure automation.
All told truth about profile except current one.
Here I am supposed to be a QA guy with 90%manual and just 10%automation :((
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This literally just happened: "Our network is down". No internet and backup seems to be failing as well. Thankfully I can still develop locally with git. Now to be able to focus. I'm not shitting you when I say a guy with a sandbelt machine is grinding down a door 3 metres away from me.
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The analytics guy just sent me updated tracking specs for a web site.
There are two sheets in the file: "Custom Events LATEST" and "Custom Events updated". This is already confusing enough.
One of them has comments like "I'd like this to be amended", but the event specs described are the same as the ones implemented.
I asked him for clarification, turns out he wants the ones marked in black to be updated, the ones that don't have any label saying they don't need to be updated.
This is also a guy who for at least 2 years has been making columns in spreadsheets wider not by just widening them, or merging multiple cells, but by just letting text overflow into other cells.
I do wonder how some people manage to keep a job. -
No matter what right thing you did, what right cause you fought, in the end, you will always have to lose..you will always be the bad guy.
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Are there any risk in running Duel Boot (Windows 7 & Ubuntu) at the same time? Are there good tutorial you can provide? I wanna be linux guy. Kinda confused!8
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Anyone here also knows/works with someone who is really great at POCs but sucks big time when it comes to the real thing? I hate that guy. Dont be that guy. That guy will be your team's downfall.
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Running unit tests on a peer review. Why have unit tests if people don't run them? That said: our system guy wants us to start doing agile TDD. This would not be a problem if we weren't a maintenance shop and the code base doesn't really allow for TDD.3
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When you spend the whole fucking day waiting for a colleague to finish something that is blocking the whole team.
He finally finishes at 5:30pm and goes to home.
I just left work at 9pm.
He's a nice guy but gosh he can be slow sometimes.5 -
So there is this owner team who reviewed my code recently. I don't have much context about the their system and architecture. We try to build our changes with less context and rely in owner team's knowledge for any review gap.
The guy from the owner team missed something in my review and changes went to prod, review already took more that it was expected to take. He took 1 week for small change reviews. Now, not him but with someone else's advice they had to revert.
I wrote a mail shooting to manager, the guy who reverted and the guy who reviewed, asking the reviewer guy to explain why didn't he mentioned about any issues at the time of the review.
I have tried best from my side. But all this, god!!!
Why everything I do has some kind of weird issue. I feel so bad blaming the guy, I just think that, the way I used to feel anxious he must be feeling the same, but what can I do? I don't want to take the blame I don't even see if I can and I shouldn't be. If it was a major issue it should have been raised but he didn't. I feel so bad that I am almost crying, I am feeling that like always I am going to be judged by my team that work is slow and on top of that I can't do anything for the guy I blamed it on.
I don't know, is it my mistake? but I cannot think of anyway I would have known this.10 -
I'm very new to the business world, this is my first freelance project, a website with articles, editable profile pages and a calendar. I can't say no to the customer so the scope grew a bit too fat. I'm moving to England and starting university next week, and the project is going to be transferred to some guy, supposedly for maintenance, but it's not even close to complete. I feel like shit for failing them and especially I feel bad for the poor guy after me.2
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I'm an Angular frontend Dev and the backend is python. I don't know python. Manager deployed me to a the project as a full stack. I said I don't know python and still I got the project lol. They hired another python guy to do the backend. Now my manager said me to they committed to the client that the full stack Dev (which I Am) will learn Python eventually (then maybe fire in the future the python guy because I will be the full stack God) The thing is I hate python and only want to do angular.
Now I'm forced to learn Python with this big code base backend. Talking about multiple hats. Maybe soon I will also be the DevOps guy lol have you experienced this before?5 -
Wifi used to be an issue in my incubator. Like I had mentioned in my earlier rant. There are many wifi's available now, but once when there was only one wifi available. That wifi network, was so terrible that it asks for human verification number of times even on google searches.
And the person responsible for wifi, is one of the most useless, undeserved person, I had ever seen
When a team from incubator talked to him about the issue, that this particular wifi's is pathetic, too many blocks and always asking for human verification, his reply was
"Just write 'S' after 'http', then it will work"
No doubt, everybody hates that guy.
But that guy cant be fired from job, because government. But he can be FIRED -
My cousin want to host a website.
Initially he want a blogging site (UX need to be customisable).?
Also he need to be smooth and fast
He is not a tech guy.
What framework should I suggest?
And what are some cheap options for its hosting?
PS: I have suggested him ghost for now. Also I will have to deploy and manage the site maintenance.4 -
Hey guys. I have been thinking about learning to code to Android using a native language, but I am not sure it would be worth it, since I already know React Native...
What do you guys think ? Should a guy that already develops with React Native learn native development ?4 -
What if I build a platform for programmers and they are able to give ++ on posts (like button is from Facebook era, grow up!), comment and tag each other?
It would be a plus if there was a bot of a guy that keeps creating accounts for him, like, everyday. And this guy may be called jase.
Oh well, it would be a great platform! I could call it dev++2 -
A new guy joined my team two months ago he is more experienced than I am, but his knowledge yet is not good enough for our project. He is on live project working with me on a feature. I have major trust issues right now. How do people handle that in your teams?3
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on god fr you be capping rn.
A guy enters my crib, gets caught lackin' and you think I be digging his vibe?
Deadass! I am the one that's bussin fr fr!16 -
Dont be that guy, ok. Just clean up your shit and don't let shit go through you.
I will git blame you. I will judge you.
#leaveitbetterthanyoufoundit
2 -
Noob here. I'm an Android guy, looking to create a web app. Looking for pointers on where to get started learning. It's going to be enterprise level. Basically a hub of operations for small companies ~10-30 employees. Handle a lot of private info, see need to be secure.3
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So I went to a service center to repair my cracked mobile screen. I thought that the process would be completed in a few hours so I didn't took any backup.
Guy: You need to hand over your device for 2 days.
Me: Okay, no problem just fix it. (At this point i was desperate because a bunch of shops already told me that the complete model needs to be replaced)
Guy: You also need to remove any screen lock from it.
Me: But why?
Guy: We need to test once we fix the display. The repair util can be accessed by an inbuilt app.
Me: *Internally screams, my pr0n collection, my browsing history...*
Me: Just give me a minute. *Uninstalls a bunch of apps*.
Me: Handing the device to him. *crying internally and thinking if anything was left*.
Me: While returning, Fucking fuck now how am i gonna suppose to book myself a cab.. *facepalm myself with a fist*1 -
I get so tired of people hating on PHP, Javascript and promoting Python or C#/Java.
Python is basically Perl with slightly different syntax plus has py2/py3 issues. And suffers from pip like js does from npm.
Java/C# started as application languages, while PHP started in web servers (again from Perl but at least it now has full object support). So comparing apples and oranges is one thing.
Another one is that people don't seem to know much about PHP / js (and tbh not even about the languages they are promoting) when they try to hate. That just comes off as lazy and borderline idiotic. Don't be that guy.
If you have had a bad experience, maybe you need to open the documentation instead of copying code from stack overflow.
Again, lazy and unprofessional.
Devs are supposed to be able to find the most efficient solution, that takes as little code as possible, not as little time from them when they arent familiar with the subject.
Damn Im angry right now, this rant really worked me up! :D6 -
learning biology bases turned out to be a greatway to start rationalizing down friendship/relationship to hormons! GREATWAY TOGETDEPRESSED. lel
(thanks anyway to the guy who thought me :P)2 -
Finding a dev for our dutch team is hard. Our demands are not that big. Can be a junior or senior php guy. Bit of front end required. Any tips? How would you like to be contacted?18
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I keep asking inconvenient questions in meetings. Because I'm supposed to just be the "hardware" guy I guess it's unexpected?
Piggybacking off the low gain vs high gain omnidirectional antennas question from yesterday I asked today if our wireless issues at another branch could be due to the NICs on the tablets.
802.11n is great if you have hardware capable of MIMO. If not that fancy new AP may not be such a sound investment.2 -
So I've had a few rants now about this dumbass legacy Apache Wicket project I'm on.... Latest was that the guy who kind of knew what was going on but was impossible to communicate with is was leaving which meant I'd be inheriting this shit show. I was on leave his last week and he had the task of onboard the new senior.
I get here this morning and meet this guy. Seems a nice enough champ, well spoken (praise be.) First thing the man says to me is that this code is a mess and he doesn't really understand the IP... Yea me too, buddy, me too2 -
Everyone now going for work from home...
The secret will be revealed 😂
Being work from home guy I like used to tease my friends being in their offices, they need to go daily.
Now everyone(mostly) will be doing from home ...
Anyways congrats to people who got to work from home
But still make sure to stay protected from corona 👍 -
Made some basic static sites in early 2010’s, started getting bootcamp ads frequently.
Eventually joined one & saw what I’ve been missing out on...actually tried in bootcamp and now I’m almost a real deal dev guy 👌🏿
...actually extremely happy but don’t wanna be that guy -
A question guys, I'm looking for a DB client. We are using SQL Management Server Studio, but its way way overkill for a frontend guy like me.
Min Requirements:
- Needs to be simple
- Must support MSSQL
- Plugin support and/or dark mode
- Free and/or not too buggy evaluation (like Sublime or Winrar)
- GUI should be reasonably modern
- Should also be native. Our database is a denormalized mess.6 -
Anyone here attending the London ruby user group meet up tonight? Come say hi if you are - I'll be the lost looking guy in white trainers and a makers academy t-shirt 😂
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I've been thinking, and i feel like being the bad guy... So, for now, I'm also an "idea guy" if you know what i mean...
Idea: This site could have a feature like "product recommandations" (just like long rants or something [tyical idea guy saying]), where users could recommend stuff like programs, peripherials, or anything dev related.
This could be done using tags, like certain tags would get sorted into the "product recommandations".
Sounds nice, doesn't it?
(PS.: We should also make a site which is like google, trust me, it would make millions...) -
It's almost a week later since i got the note i'm not welcome anymore soon in my current company.
After 6 days i figured out a reason other then: "the fe/be tranfer doesnt go well". I just don't want to blame be-guy because he was busy as hell with at least three projects at the same time.1 -
That meeting about the integration of a new service in your app and you know more about the service to be integrated than the guy representing the service to be integrated and none of your questions about the integration issues were answered... One of the worst time wasting meeting.
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In your country, does companies make you feel uncomfortable to always be a developer at 35 years old ?
A french guy afraid by the future.1 -
Just asked our devops guy to create 2 environments for 2 repos (BE and FE). He said this would take around 10h. Is this normal? Nothing fancy just a NestJS API and a React FE. It’s in AWS.8
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The relative physical and neurological aging here turned someone who used to be kind of intimidating into Herbert from family guy lol "get your fat space ass back here" lol they must all be getting exposed radiation time to move on lol1
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What if all devRant community works on a global project to kill Google, Apple, Facebook and others? I am a utopian guy, but it would be cool?!?
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So how about all the decent jobs this guy could do eh ?
Can't be doing heavy lifting if it's designed to break the body at this age
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