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Search - "we did it"
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Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*
NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.22 -
My morning:
Me: Why did you just delete the failing unit tests?
Intern: I debugged it for a while and found one of the other developers broke it with his recent changes. I couldn't fix it.
Me: Did you let him know he broke it?
Intern: No.
Me: So you just deleted it and decided to pretend the feature isn't broken?
Intern: ... No ... I mean ... well you told us yesterday we needed to have all the tests passing.
(I NEED a stress ball people)30 -
Wife: I got a Roomba for Christmas!
Dev Husband: oh.
Dev Husband *hours later* : Did you know it has an MQTT interface accessible over IP? I already wrote a NodeJS app to track if we need to empty the bin.14 -
How did I learn how to program?
I didn't. I'm still learning ☺.
We will never be done learning.
That's the beauty of it all.3 -
At my study in the first year we had a Linux course and at the end we would all be graded.
Everyone was nervous as fuck except for me.
We had to go in one by one and everyone came back with this 'well that was damn close' face. Apparently the teacher was quite strict.
Then it was my turn.
It took about half an hour and we did the following:
- talk about Linux and the philosophy behind it
- talk about compiling programs
- talk about Linux servers
- talk about what distro's we'd used
- talk about DE's and which ones we preferred
- actual grading/showing my assignments: 'nah I believe you, you'll get a good mark!'
So I basically got the best mark with hardly showing anything because the teacher knew I could do it and rather just had an interesting convo with me 😁11 -
Senior: Why did you refactor those ten files?
Junior: There was a method copy-pasted in every one of them, so I moved it to a utils class.
Senior: Don't you know we will have to test all of those changed classes again? Please, rollback!
Junior: ok.
... two days later ...
Senior: Why did you just copy-paste that method? Don't you know it's bad practice?10 -
We were learning to create a login system in mysql and php when one of my classmates showed me and the teacher his code.
He did a select all on the users table and looped through everything with a foreach.
We both tried to explain him why that wasn't the best method but he just refused to accept that.
He turned out a designer.
By the way, please never do it his way 😬18 -
My company contracted a 3rd party to do an internal system for us...
We only knew about it when it was almost done and we got the code... Oooooo boy.... What a fucking shit they did and got paid for...
They have a encryptPassword() and decryptPassword() functions...
What they do you may ask?
Well...
Encrypt: for loop that reverse the string and base64 it 5 times...
Decrypt: the opposite...
That's how they store passwords....
Our intern snapped at a company meeting when they where talking about maintaining it 😂😂22 -
User: We have been dealing with this bug for a month now! How come nobody has fixed it?
Dev: Who did notify about this issue?
User: You’re not listening we have been dealing with this for a MONTH!
Dev: When this issue first occurred did you tell anyone?
User: Yes!
Dev: Who?
User: …. Ok I don’t remember but I know I said something to someone. Anyway it doesn’t matter, your job is IT so how come this isn’t fixed?
Dev: Did you have an email? Ticket number? Teams message? Any record of where this was dropped?
User: I think you’re missing the point. We haven’t been able to do out jobs for A MONTH. We’ve just been sitting around completely helpless. We’ve been trying to figure a system using paper and pencil to replace the electronic one but it’s too complicated. How come this wasn’t fixed the second it happened?
Dev: It’s hard to respond to an issue if it’s not brought to out attention.
User: Ok but we are too busy to create a ticket! We have a million things to do and we can’t do any of them because your app doesn’t work! We’ve been sitting here telling each other how terrible this system is AND IT HAS BEEN A MONTH.
Dev: …. Yeah I got that12 -
Person: *glances at my grades*
Me: Here we go again.
Person: I thought you were smart. How did you manage to get a C?!
It was a C (programming language) quiz. 🙄7 -
Storytime!
Manager: Hey fullstackchris, the maps widget on our app stopped working recently...
Dev: (Skeptical, little did he know) Sigh... probably didn't raise quota or something stupid... Logs on to google cloud console to check it out...
Google Dashboard: Your bill.... $5,197 (!!!!!!) Payment method declined (you think?!)
Dev: 😱 WTF!?!?!! (Calls managers) Uh, we have HUGE problem, charges for $5000+ in our google account, did you guys remove the quota limits or not see any limit reached warnings!?
Managers: Uh, we didn't even know that an API could cost money, besides, we never check that email account!
Dev: 🤦♂️ yeah obviously you get charged, especially when there have literally been millions of requests. Anyway, the bigger question is where or how our key got leaked. Somewhat started hammering one of the google APIs with one of our keys (Proceeds to hunt for usages of said API key in the codebase)
Dev: (sweating 😰) did I expose an API key somewhere? Man, I hope it's not my fault...
Terminal: grep results in, CMS codebase!
Dev: ah, what do we have here, app.config, seems fine.... wait, why did they expose it to a PUBLIC endpoint?!
Long story short:
The previous consulting goons put our Angular CMS JSON config on a publicly accessible endpoint.
WITH A GOOGLE MAPS API KEY.
JUST CHILLING IN PLAINTEXT.
Though I'm relieved it wasn't my fault, my faith in humanity is still somewhat diminished. 🤷♂️
Oh, and it's only Monday. 😎
Cheers!11 -
Devs regularly complain that our skills are not valued enough and that people think what we do is easy.
But, we don't really help the cause when we run around casually claiming to be "full stack" and not turning down work that clearly isn't in our area of competence.
We act more like Victorian amateur scientists.
Every seen a "full stack" doctor when you go to hospital? "Brain to feet---I can do it all."
OK, we have general practitioners, but they are really the BAs of the medical world. When it comes to getting into the weed, everyone specializes.
Full stack lawyer? "Hey, you did an excellent job of dealing with my house purchase. I've just been accused of murder. Can you represent me?"
While we continue to say that we can provide a high quality "full stack" experience I think we are signaling that this stuff *is* easy.19 -
FBI: FUCK!! We just lost our connection to all those civilian routers we were monitoring
FBI IT Department: Did you try turning them off and back on?
FBI:5 -
There is a group of ladies who work in the accounting department at my job who have made it their mission to decorate the cubicle of whoever has a birthday on a given day. They come in at 6 am on someones birthday and decorate, leaving a mess of balloons and streamers, which is a nice surprise the first time it happens (they do it every year). Well, we in the IT office decided it would be fun to booby trap one of our cubicles so that when our birthday rolled in, they would receive a surprise of their own. So we set up a webcam as a motion detector, and had the computer speakers turned up as loud as possible, so that when motion was detected, the honorable Admiral Akbar would yell "It's A Trap!". We succeeded in scaring the pants off of them, and also annoying them because the sound did not stop until the program was exited, so they had to listen to it the entire time they did their setup. It was priceless xD4
-
Boss: Our customer's data is not syncing with XYZ service anynmore!
Me: Ok let me check. Did the tokens not refresh? Hmm the tokens are refreshing fine but the API still says that we do not have permissions. The scopes are fine too. I'll use our test account... its... cancelled? Hey boss, why is our XYZ account cancelled?
Boss: Oh, "I haven’t paid since I didn’t think we needed it" (ad verbatim)
😐2 -
New boss rant here!
Boss: Can you give me an estimate for a new project that we willbe running?
Dev: Oh yes I have already calculated at approximately three months.
Boss: Thats great start on it!
3 months laters....
Boss: Why did it take so much? I feel like our productivity sucks.
Dev:...5 -
Getting annoyed by the framework made by school which we had to use. We werent allowed to use Laravel or other frameworks.
What did I do with a classmate, we expanded on the schools framework. Added a templating engine, improved routing, made a query builder and a few other things before startimg the real project. 4 weeks of building the framework to build the application in a day.
Where others were still using the schools framework were strugglimg and not able to make it.2 -
Needed to download all my music from Google music, their download manager is crap (on ubuntu)
Decided to use their API, found a gem that works perfectly. Started downloading it.
Told my GF how I wanted to code something cool but gound someone else did, her response:
So why doesn't google make something ?
Me:They did, but it sucks in linux, and they have their API's which work fine.
And how are normal people supposed to make it work then?
Me: well it works, jut have to install this and run the CLI with.... wait.. am I not normal?
I guess we are not normal in the eyes of some people.18 -
*We colleagues were cursing Valentine's week*
Team Lead : Committed?
Me: No, I am single.
TL: *confused look* Did you committed that code?
Me: ohh yes! I raised the merge request as well.
TL: Ok. I will review it. *Moves away smiling inside*
Me: *looking at screen* *crying inside*6 -
Companies can't use free software?
Well, I just forced everyone to use Nextcloud instead of Dropbox and Google Drive. People did not like it as first but the quickly realized how good it was.
We also moved from skype, teams and slack to matrix.
I am glad that matrix-synapse is so easy to install nowadays!18 -
"Hey, about that matter from yesterday..."
"Yes, what about that?"
"We need to talk about that again! How often do you trigger that system?"
"Once."
"You sure?"
"Yes, but i can check it, if you like."
*find references*
"See, only once."
"Can it happen at a random point later one?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Can you check it?"
"Okay."
*shows code"
"Look here, as you can see, it will not happen at other times."
"Do you have an idea why it could happen anyway?"
"Maybe that system does the action without my software telling it to do so, wasn't that specified that way?"
"Yes, but it normally does that roughly 10 seconds after you give the command the first time, so we thought maybe you could say what makes it do the action at other points maybe."
"Did you check that systems sourcecode?"
"No not yet. But did that happen with the older version?"
"No. But we didn't try."
"Did you change something between the versions?"
"Yes, the new feature."
"Could that make a change in behaviour?"
"I don't see how."
"Can you remove that feature for test?"
"We can take the old version."
"No, we need the new version, but without the feature you added."
"That IS the old version, there is no other difference!"
"Are you sure?"
"Would you like to see it in source control?"
"No, ~ okay. What do you think causes the problem?"
"I haven't had any new ideas since we talked yesterday."
"Okay. Mhhh,...okay. Lets talk again later."
YES SURE! BRING IT ON! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! PLEASE COME BY OR CALL ME AGAIN! AND BRING THE BOSS WITH YOU, TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS THE MATTER IS! LET ME TELL HIM THE STUFF I TOLD SEVEN TIMES LAST WEEK!2 -
"Everyone must attend this meeting. It's really important that you all attend".
Me: *walks into meeting with other co-workers
Host: So what should we discuss today?
Co-worker 1: We can discuss how we did on the recently completed project.
Host: We'll save that for next meeting.
Co-worker 2: Any strategic plans for upcoming project?
Host: That too, for next meeting.
Me: Black Panther.
Host: That was actually a great movie. I saw it over the weekend. Who else saw it? ....
Me (in my thoughts): Just wow! 😂
PS: I still haven't seen that movie.2 -
Yesterday, the whole dev team went out to lunch and we ate a lot and we drank a lot until we all got drunk! Since we are paid for the number of hours we work, we all decided to go back to the office and work.
WE WERE DRUNK WORKING! Drunk coding ftw
Result: The server is down right now because someone fucked it up and I think i ruined my code yesterday because I wasn't really myself. The whole team was crazy as fuck. One of us just came back from Poland so we were drunk and high from all the polish chocolate we ate.
I hope they fix the server so I can check what kind of bullshit the drunken me did yesterday o.O8 -
Company: we care about work/life balance (as long as shit gets done)
Company: we care about mental well-being (except when shit has to be done "now!")
Company: we help each other (we push work around until someone finally do it)
Company: management is here to help you do your work (as long as you don't ask them to help you to solve a real problem)
Company: we are agile (except we have more sub-processes than ever)
Company: we only hire best (and then put them in the team of morons)
Company: we are customer centric (that's why we are delivering bugged features)
Company: we constantly rise the bar (deliver more shit in shorter time)
... did I forget about something?12 -
I got my first own office... We did it. We just painted our mini Iranian office in two nights and we about to code it,has 5 min distance to our college and it's a golden opportunity to work and study at the same time.8
-
So the tax authorities in the Netherlands have this slogan that roughly translates to:
"We can't make it fun, but we can make it easier."
I'm not sure how this is going to be easy for me. This arrived in the mail today.
Even worse this is a fuck up from them. They are saying our company did not do it's taxes but when we log in their online portal we can see that we did them. But they are saying that they don't see it in their system.
Who build that system?
Trying to stay calm when they are claiming I own them more taxes then my company has earned in a year.
I did not have enough sleep for this drama.
By the way how about we save some trees and don't send 30 letters on 1 day.11 -
My very first rant. I will try to make it count!
Recently my company had restructured with new GM who fired those who he didn't like and hired those who he did.
All ok I guess. And then...
We did a project for a big sportswear brand, interactive installation using WebSocket. My team developed the server with game engine and we also developed "shell front-end" with example code how to connect and interact with server.
Then we realized that our company was actually not hired by sportswear brand, rather by GM buddy-from-the-army tech vendor, who was hired by actual client.
Then, we also realized there is another company, that GM hired as freelancers, sitting at our office doing 'something'. And this 'other company' actually has same employees and address as GM's buddy company (meaning they are one entity with two names).
So.. what happened is that we get paid by party A, then we pay exactly the same amount to party B (which is actually same party A), and at the end... all our work was for free.
And then, this GM tells me I have to fire 2 developers from my team because we don't have enough business.
How did this guy even get to a position of this level?8 -
Project manager, a few months ago: "why did you do this task? It's all wrong. It's a backend task, not a frontend task so you shouldn't have done it. Don't do it again."
PM, today, regarding the same task in a different project: "why didn't you do this task? The project isn't complete without it. It isn't right. You should have done it."
Are you fucking serious? If we do it it's wrong, if we don't do it it's wrong too. So why should I bother? Seriously, fuck you you piece of shit.2 -
There was this couple who were talking on the phone and neither of them would hang up,asking the other person to hang up.
So we did it for them :)
Awkward Meeting, right ?8 -
Pretty new at the job still.
-”Hey, best practice to do X?”
”Just check how we did it in previous code”
*checks whole bloody project, everything done in 500 different ways by 20 people*
*selects what seems as the best solution already used*
”Ya, you should have done X like this instead”
😒6 -
soooo Texas froze before Hell, thought it was never going to happen but it did 🥴
Had a meeting scheduled for today, but since my employees (crucial for the meeting) do not have power I had to reschedule.
VP: I saw that you cancelled the meeting
Me: yes I did sir, my people do not have power at their homes so I decided that we can postpone it for later.
VP: Understandable, I just wanted to see if you guys were ok.
Me: yes sir, we are thank you and yourself?
The rest of the conv was standard pleasantries.
Why can't it be like this for all devs around the world?34 -
Stakeholder: There’s a bug on the site.
Me: That’s not a bug. The site is supposed to do that. Your team asked for that feature and we implemented it last summer.
SH: They did?
Me: Yes, they did.
SH: You sure it’s been like this since last summer?
Me: YES!!!5 -
We received an urgent email from a client this morning that needed addressed immediately. We knew it was not going to be easy or fun so we did the sensible thing and began a rock paper scissors tournament to see who would work on it.
I lost... But then we see a follow up email from my boss saying he is handling it. Win!
Fast forward 6 hours, he comes out of his office and hands me a piece of paper and says he is too busy to work on it so I need to do it before going home. The paper is the email from 8am this morning... He did absolutely nothing with it for six hours except print it because a digital copy isn't good enough I guess.
I ended up working late, got yelled at by said client, and still haven't finished the fixes.
Worst of all is that I missed part of shark week because I stayed late.12 -
(Meeting with Client)
Client: The script you sent us is broken... It can't run... We can't test now. (Their supervisor even insinuated that I did that on purpose :/ What?!)
Asked for logs, googled for solutions. Moments later.
Client: Oh it's our server's problem.
:/1 -
Oh, we don't know why it broke. I know you just did A HUGE FUCKING DATABASE SEVER UPGRADE to the server we're connected to, but no one understands this code, so can't update it to work. Can you roll back 3 VERSIONS so our application that hasn't had a code change in 11 years is optimized?2
-
Client: "Dear Mr. I still have not received the final version yet. I had planned to send it out to my customers at the end of the week."
-------
Me (1st answer I did not give):
"Ok. I accept your statement as true, since I did not send you anything. Furthermore I respect your wish."
Me (2nd answer I did not give):
"Well I am sorry. Before today you did not once mention that there was a deadline. ASAP is not how I do things. Please do your project management."
Me (answer I gave): "Dear Client, due to a huge demand for our services we are forced to prioritise. We are doing our best to complete the project as fast as possible. Please understand however that we can not reschedule with 3 days notice. Because of technical requirements the product can be send on Friday next week. Please let us know if this works out for you. - Kind regards. Me. "
-__-""""undefined asap deadlines planning fail nope deadline clients from hell projectmanager christmas no planning triggered polite4 -
We want to improve the portal by making apps for it what can you do or recommend?
Well holy shit this is new you're actually asking the dev team for advice on a future project.
Normally you immediately go to a third party waste a shit ton of money and then tell us we have a week to add whatever it is into our system.
Then when we can't do it or have to delay other projects you're dragging our manager into a meeting with the CEO complaining that IT are refusing to cooperate or are holding up the project etc.
The change of heart is much appreciated but where the fuck did this come from? New year resolution?5 -
My team lead force pushed to master. This guys always complains when we merge PRs with wip or fixup commits and he just did it himself and tried to cover it up doing a rebase on the master branch.
Good job fucking up everyone. 👍5 -
Manager: We should do X with the database
Dev: That will cause issue Y
Manager: But I read an article that said that issue Y wasn’t a problem
Dev: It did?
Manager: Well it didn’t mention issue Y
Dev: …2 -
Can we talk about changelogs for a second?
Almost every major app in the play store has changelogs like "Improving your experience" or "We did some changes to enhance your experience".
Wtf is this bullshit. Is it that hard to write the actual changes in the changelogs so that I know what got changed, huh?
Guess its kinda hard to write " We are shoving more telemetry crap down your throat" in a changelog.
Fuck sake.14 -
Had a job interview back where I want to move(2300 miles away), doing exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately it was for a senior developer, a bit over my pay grade.
First Interview: "It is above your skill level, but I like you. We will make it fit you."
Second Interview(technical): " You did super well! I will make sure to pass the good news onto the boss! I am excited to work with you soon!"
Response to my thank you email: "We decided to not persue you further for this position. We are going with someone who has more experience."
Why string me along?!?!4 -
BRAIN_UNCAUGHT_EXCEPTION
Could not execute "sleep()", as main thread was busy thinking about why a beautiful girl would just handle me her number.
Ok we did get on well but it was unexpected nevertheless
Thank you brain for wasting my day 👍11 -
I work for a "Visionary" in our org. Motherfucker will use something for five minutes and decided it's the new-hot, and off we go chasing it.
"I did a Python + AWS tutorial last night, I get it. We need to start migrating everything to Lambda today."
A week later he hits his first error message that needs more than five minutes of work to solve and we're moving to a local Haskell stack.4 -
That just takes the damn fun out of it.
"In Python, we don't actually use commas unlike many languages. And as I mentioned last time, a tuple is a lot like a list, but it has it's differences. Oh yeeeah! Did I mention the logic behind if/else if/ and else statements?? They're sooo amazing."13 -
Published a well documented and tested API with project examples for basic use cases
- "Yeah we didn't use yours because we didn't know how to use it"
- "Did you look at the documentation or code examples?"
- "What where?"
- "In the repo you just cloned"
- "Yeah no <random guy> found a hacky way of doing what we want, his thing just works"
- "I..."4 -
So I've been playing some DnD with friends.
And we've been working with some lego characters, whiteboard markers and plastic sheets to draw on.
But that's always a mess:
The ink was old and did not come off again for the most part
The sides of the map curled up and and made the lego character fall over
The lego characters were too big
And more...
So I thought, why not make it digital?
And so I did.
I used UWP to make a master and a client, both using the Windows Ink api to be able to draw.
Some circles with an initial served as characters, and everything was synchronized using a TCP library I wrote half a year ago.
Yesterday we tried it out.
We all (including me) were sceptical if it would work well because the 'analog' clumsy way we did it before does have a certain charm.
But at the end we were all very enthousiastic about it and we'll be using it next time too!
It's awesome to be able to create programs for your own use :D
That's why being able to program is such a great thing!
Now I need to restructure everything, make it more efficient, add a turn order display, make the map zoom- and moveable and more and more....20 -
Well, just remembered a fuck up one of my friends and me did. Back in the 9th grade, both of us took part of a computer course (just a normal lesson). He got me into programming. So after half a year we "hacked" into the school server. Tbh it was quite simple. The server did a backup each week in a specific folder. The problem was, the backup file had no proper rights set. Everyone had access to it. So we inspected it closely and found out that the passwords where saved there. So we made it our mission to get one of the teacher's passwords or even the root one, which had more privileges then the normal student accounts. After about 2 days we managed to crack one of them (using a hash table available for download). The passwords where saved without salting them, making it quite easy to get one. Now we were sitting there, having access to a teacher's account. So we logged in and tried to figure out what to do next. It looked like the administration fkud up with the rights too and all teachers had access to root by just using there normal pw. Well, the Grand final is coming. We put a script into the startup of the server (which restarted at 4:30 AM each Friday). The only line that was written in it was "./$0|./$0&"
We never got caught. And it was a heck of fun ^^8 -
I bet some day we'll have robots tell us where bugs in our code are instantly and our kids will say "How did you ever write code without them?" And we will say "We had to use this archaic thing called Google and do research... It took forever!"6
-
Yesterday I received the API documentation from an external company. Over half of the endpoints are either wrong or send invalid data and even the given test requests are fucking failing.
It's a nightmare. We have to finish a website until friday and that company did nothing for 2 months and now we have 2 days left.
The sheer incompetence is too damn high.
My boss said it would have been much better if we had implemented the API on our own. Damn right.3 -
Everyday I wake up, I just think where did humanity go wrong? What mistakes were made? How the fuck did we end up with IE? And why do people still use it?5
-
## 4 years ago:
- Principal Architect: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- Perf team: IDK, let's test it!
*we run tests*
- Perf team: results are OK, but we're exhausting Burst IO capacity, effectively hard-limiting number of tests we can run per day
- PArch: ahhh, I see. Then Gp2 is a no-go.
## 3 years ago
*PArch quits. New one is hired*
- PArch2: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- Perf team: We've already tested that a while ago, results were THIS and THAT
- PArch2: I see. Let's test it again anyway
- Perf team: *wtf???*
*we run the same tests, we get the same results*
- PArch2: I see, so GP2 is a no-go.
- Perf team: *you think....? How did that thought never cross our minds, we wonder...*
## 2 years ago
*new DBA is hired*
- DBA2: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- Perf team: We've already tested that a while ago, results were THIS and THAT
- PArch2: We've already tested that a while ago, results were THIS and THAT
- DBA2: I see. Let's test it anyways. I've read somewhere that GP2 might be a better bet
- PArch2: you might be right, let's do that
- Perf team: *wtf???*
*we run the same tests, we get the same results*
- DBA2: I see, so GP2 is a no-go.
- Perf team: *you think....? How did that thought never cross our minds, we wonder...*
## 1 year ago
*DBA manager left; new one was hired*
- MGMT_dba2: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- ........
Should we even bother bringing up the history.....?11 -
Telling the customer that they are breaching guidelines.
"This cannot be against the guidelines. We always did it that way"
...
Ehm. You did what?2 -
Client: We want to onboard people with sign-up wizard just like (Massive Industry Leader) so remove the sign-up process from the app.
1 week of development later...
Client: We need to take photos of their information, but we think its easier to take photos on the phone so once they sign-up link then to the phone.
Me: How will they get the apps if it not in the app stores?
Client: Get the apps approved for the app store! duh!
2 weeks later... 4 failed app submissions..
Client: Would it be easier if we just add the sign-up on the app?
Me: Yes... like it was 3 weeks ago?
Client: Yes! Why did we remove it?
Me: You did in an effort to be more like (Major Industry Leader)
Client: ....but we're nothing like them! Change it back!
Me: >•<!!!
I have to fire my client...3 -
I lost my job 😅 tbh did me a favour. I was backend, this guy was frontend and was a typical opinionated JavaScript, magpie dev and I just did not give 2 fucks about what he thought was “amazballs” and we had a small tiff, we’ll he was arguing, I was trying to do my job and I just didn’t care enough about his feelings on the subject, forget what it was about but I think it was trivial. But anyway, I was let go soon after 😅16
-
I learn programming cause it was in my genes.
My father was a programmer himself but, he died back in 2005 of September when I was 5 years old. So I guess I program to continue what he did. He was in the process of making a game but, failed to do it. He had concept art created and even mad characters. When I get real good, I plan to program that game for him and dedicate it to him.
I started programming on a website called Scratch back in 2010 (in think), which I saw a Ted Talk on, and started from there. I use KhanAcademy as I am home schooled and when they introduced the programming tutorials to that website, I was immediately hooked and it was just the beginning.
I used Scratch for three years and I wanted to know more, so I did research and discovered a program called Stencyl and started making a game I made from scratch into that format.
I used that program and when 2013 hit, moved to a new church and met an old friend and all of sudden we started making games together and we relesed our first game on Scratch called Minecart Chaos.
That took three months to create. He did all the art and I, of course, did the programming. The three months later we were at it again making a new game called EMP Restaurant Rampage. That also took three months to create. one of his friends composed the music. We are now in the process on making a new game and I am now tasked to make the music. So that is my history.9 -
Some days before my graduation me and my roommate were invited for an interview. We arrived at mutually agreed time.
The interviewer asked nothing about our coding knowledge. just some personal questions. after a brief conversation he started to explain the job responsibility to us. It seemed we were both hired. We were happy that we are getting full time jobs before graduation. And then he asked us if we can commit to stay in the company for year. We both agreed if the terms are good.
After that he tried to hire us for
$125 USD per month.
we did not spent another minute bargaining with him. We just left saying that we will let you know.
We were shocked.8 -
We are finally out !! Our First Game ever it's ready :D We are on the play store at the following link
https://play.google.com/store/apps/...
i'm the graphic (23yo, IT student) and my friend is the dev (27yo, IT graduated). He worked at this project for 2 years, i have helped him for the last year.
We finished the debugging and fixing like 2 days ago :) we are so proud of our first little son. Yup it's a marijuana zombie shooter game 😁
Let us know what do you think about it 😀
oh yes we did it with no budget and without any help 😅 we learned how to do it doing it 😉 (even unity, it took a year to my dev to learn how to use it) but finally we here to present Bongville to you guys :)
right now is completely AD free ;)
(for iOS & Windows phone will be released as soon as possible)20 -
Nowhere near my worst co-worker, but still funny.
The Dev team were all in a separate glass walled room with the business & support staff out in a bigger room outside. As is our wont, we wore headphones while working a lot.
One of the non technical folks asked me why and I said it helps me focus by keeping out distracting noises.
"Oh, I thought you were listening to code or something"
😮
It was kind of an eye-opener as to how little clue a person sitting just 4 meters away had of what I did or how I did it. And actually it helped explain some confusing interactions...4 -
We have a huge codebase, built during the last 10 years, with a lot of problems caused by legacy dependencies. We are trying to modernize this gradually but it is very challenging because we have a lot of features to maintain and test coverage is low.
Today, a guy hired three days ago just proposed to rebuilt everything from scratch stating that he did the same thing in his personal project, so it wouldn't take too much to develop what we need.
Manager gently invited him having a quick call. I would pay to listen that conversation.8 -
It is once again that time of year when we say farewell to our current interns and say hello to a brand new batch.
The two groups overlap for a few days. During this time the old interns show the new interns the ropes, while the mentors silently weep in the lunchroom having realized that nothing that they've said over the last 12 months has had any effect whatsoever.
Some choice quotes:
---
New Intern: It says 'uncaught exception'.
Old Intern: Oh don't worry that will fix itself on production.
---
OI: Did you pull the code?
NI: Yeah, but I have all these weird brackets everywhere... [merge conflict]
OI: Oh yeah that happens sometimes, just delete them.
---
NI: It says "push to master rejected". [we enforce code reviews]
OI: Ohh that means the server is broken. You should tell someone, they have to reboot it.
---
NI: Where did that file save to? [we use ONLY macOS and Linux]
OI: C:\Users\<your name>\My Documents\...
---
OI: You can use either pgAdmin or MySQL Workbench. I like Workbench better but I couldn't get it to work, it kept giving me errors.
---
And of course...
---
OI: No, we don't use Linux. We use CentOS.
---
I did the math today. Only 35 more years and I can retire.5 -
>First grade
Teacher: This is a Keyboard, this is a mouse... blah blah blah
Now play Mario!
There was also some space racing game or something installed on the computers. We weren't allowed to play that game, so of course, we did what we weren't allowed to. It was always fun to sneak in a game when the teacher wasn't looking or wasn't around.
We were also taught MS Paint. I "painted" a squirrel in one of the lab sessions, the teacher loved it and showed it to everyone. Everyone applauded and then I became the MS Paint Guru (for them). Fun times..9 -
"The client has reported {some problem}. Do we know what has caused it?"
Dev: "{explanation} is the cause"
"Ok, was that caused by a recent change?"
Dev: "No, the system has been like that since the start"
"Ok, but who did it? Was it some recent work?"
Dev: "The system has been like that since the start"
Constant fucking blame and finger pointing.
Fuck off. -
User: Hey, we got a big issue with one of your tools. One of your pages isn't loading.
Me: Ok, so when did this happen?
User: We don't know? Its been like that for a long time though, so we thought it was normal 😃
Me: ....ok. So do you know what data is supposed to appear?
User: Uhhh we're not sure as well. Since, you know, its been like that for a while.
Just great 😑4 -
during code review...
peer: "you should pass this variable, and extract the logger from it"
me: "why? it is a 3 line logging function. why not pass the logger instance?"
peer: "because that is our best practice. It is the way we do things"
me: "why is it a best practice?"
peer: "because it is. We use it everywhere!"
me: "No we don't. And I still don't understand why is this a best practice. can you explain?"
peer: gives ups, did not look at the mr, and was not going to.
mr stays open. probably forever.11 -
Conversation between my husband and myself.
H: I ordered a game for the switch last week. It was delayed by USPS, and it looks like I got a partial refund due to it being late.
Moi: That's your mail privilege at work.
H: Did you really just make a mail pun? *Snerk*
Moi: This is why we work. ♥️5 -
Dealing with other technical professionals who cannot think outside their respective boxes.
Here is an example.
A QA (who is very good at her job) said this...
Her:
“We need to get one customer who is willing to pay us a lot of money to make the features they want!”
Me:
“But you realize we are a SaaS company and that means we need lots of customers and constant growth”
Her:
“No, we need to find a customer who is willing to pay us, like a million, to make the features they want. Then we make them for that customer. Then we do that again.”
Me:
“We sell software to small businesses, none of them have a million dollars to pay us, and even if they did then why wouldn’t they build it themselves?
Her:
“Well, when I worked for my last company this is what we did...”
Me:
“So you worked for a contracting company who built software for individual companies. We are not that type of company. We are a SaaS company.”
Her:
“It’s the same thing”
Me:
~Facepalm~
As a software developer and entrepreneur it frustrates me when everyone think everything is the same.
You’ll here things like...
“All we need is to get lucky with one big hit and then we will ride that wave to success, just like Facebook or Amazon!”
Holy fucking shit balls, how stupid can you be!
FB and AZ run thousands of tests a day to see what works. They do not get “lucky”. They dark launched FB messenger with thousands of messages and then rolled it out to their internal team first, they did not get lucky!
Honestly though, I can’t blame them. Most people just want a good job that pays. They aren’t looking to challenge their assumptions.
Personally I know I will be in situations again where my pride, my assumption, my fears are realized and crushed by the market place and I do not want to live in a world of willful ignorance.
I’d rather get it right than feel good.1 -
20+ years ago we got a contract to replace an old home grown system for managing rented equipment for a company with offices in two countries with a new standard system.
I was tasked with building a few addon modules to handle import and reporting that the standard system lacked.
Over the course of 8 months and multiple trips to their head office for on premises development along side their people that knew how it should work (there was a lot of waiting for info so it was not 8 months of actual work) we finally was ready to present the finished solution.
After about one hour of demonstration their boss questioned why we did not demonstrate the connection to their corporate group accounting system ...
“Corporate group accounting?”
After some confused discussion it turns out that in one of the first meetings the sales person had they had mentioned this accounting system and that all accounting info was to be exported there.
This requirement was never listed in the specifications we got and looking into it it turned out that the standard system did not support such exports at all.
In the end we had to throw it all away as it proved impossible to get that info out of the system (which was not of our design).
We barely avoided having to repay all fees as their people had approved the specification but standing there without a clue to what he was asking for was a very scary experience, thinking “how could we miss this?”2 -
Me: Brooo, We did it last night!
Friend : Which base did you get to?
Me : Hbase
Friend: Ha, doope!4 -
My boss just came to me and demanded that we drop the first layer of security from our new servers so that the snake oil salesmen he used can open test it. I did try to explain that you don't remove security to test security.8
-
Partner of ours claimed they are going to update their api. No breakage. My hopes were low and they did not disappoint.
Soon after the new version of their api went live, of course, loads of breakage. And the email contact with them is really fun.
Me: "Hello, since your update we get the issue A. Here's the complete communication."
Them: "We did not change the existing behavior. You are doing X wrong. Repeat that one call during the step and you should be fine."
Me: "Thank you, if I repeat the call, it does indeed work, albeit slower, since we are now repeating calls. Furthermore, our application was consuming your api for years and we did not change anything. So why is that step necessary now? Only after your update do our logs show errors from your API. And by the way, we now also have a issue with B. Why is that?"
Them: "Oh that's because your query the endpoint with "Fnord", try "Baz".
Me: "Yes, I do know that we query it with "Fnord" as that is what a previous endpoint of yours is responding to us. Why are we getting "Fnord"? What request do I have to make to get a "Baz" back?"
It feels like a game of wackamole. Squash one issue, ten more will pop up. I am one step away from becoming active-aggressive.3 -
Had no internet for hours.
Called the support.
"We will fix it!" they said and they actually did. So maybe there are competent people working there as well???
No. Of course not.
Two hours later I receive a call from them. "It was not our fault. There was an update so we had to plug the cables back into the right ports."
Software update
Physical connections
Wat5 -
Recruiter story.. hilarious stuff..
I have an interview in next fifteen minutes and was setting up for it.
Recruiter calls me to remind me of the same.
I ask her to tell me who the interviewer would be, because she did not mention in the invite and also did not respond when I asked her over the email.
Her response: sure, wait a minute... Actually we are not allowed to disclose interviewer.
LMAO WTF!!7 -
Boss : Did you finish the service app?
Me: Nope, sir you told us to complete the immediate relief website.
Boss: Ok. Did u complete that?
Me: Nope, when it was half you told us to complete the clients web app?
Boss: Oh god. So is that over?
Me: Unfortunately, no sir a month more and we can present the project estimation report if we are free😁😉2 -
What can we do with a boss who urinates in a cup in his office and then dumps it in the kitchen sink even when we (all women) are sitting there eating lunch?
We are certain of what is in the cup because it smells, is yellow, and it sits right on his credenza in plain view. He’s even left it outside the office, forgetting to empty it.
A few weeks ago I was washing my lunch dishes and he dumped it right on top of my stuff. I was pretty much in shock, I just couldn’t believe it.
Is there something wrong here that I’m not getting? He’s the owner, the boss, in his 70’s, and very respected, but I don’t understand this. No one knows what to say. We feel that if we said something, he would deny it and since he’s the boss, who knows what would happen. Is there any way to approach this? The only other males in the office are related to him. Someone did mention it to one of them, but nothing has changed.18 -
I and my mates finally finished the project : a console calculator that manages parenthesis, infinite numbers, the four major operators and also all the bases from 1 to 94
We were not allowed to use stdlib except for malloc, stdio was disallowed too, but we had the unistd write, read and sizeof ahaha
That was a long road of a week but finally we did it :D2 -
After designing the new server architecture for our software and the security to go with it, the boss decides we should ask our provider’s solutions architects to see if it is okay, they came back and said it all looks good apart from one part which my manager did and I always said was bad practice.
-
A coworker and me did together a "hackathon by choice" this week to finish a project. We did it only because we thought it would be cool and be able to finish the thing. Well it was surprisingly fun to stay awake 36 hours, coding all through, having a good flow. After that, our boss came and was very proud of our work and he was able to send it for inspection to the client. I stayed a bit longer to fix a few minor bugs, but after 42h I was finally in bed. 😁
Our boss gives us the following Monday off.
But I think on other projects, often deadlines take the fun out of it, if they are not estimated well... I mean you do great, high-professional work but in the end you feel bad, useless, slow and incompetent because of the pressure.2 -
Every sprint, the beast grows.
Every sprint, we'll sort it "later".
Every sprint, we suffer more.
We warned them, but they did not listen. The technical debt rapture has begun. -
Did I tell you that X third party system needed to be updated due to that pos using flash? Yes
Did you bitch about budget constraints and finding workarounds and stuff like that? Also Yes
Did I mention that X system was crucial for people and that we were not going to be able to do anything about it if we did not allocate the time to modify that before it happened? Also Yes
Did I mentioned this on multiple occasions? Yes
Was my team also pulled out from working on the alternative before this happened? Yes
Did I send multiple emails about this, talks, meetings and documentation of me saying all of the above? You betcha
Oh well 🤡6 -
10 PM (after a very busy working day), CTO calls me and tells me: "We decided to hand in the new version to [random client] one week earlier, so they can test it."
Me: "I don't think is a good idea, the app is still unstable, we started working in it yesterday, it *will* crash"
CTO: "Don't you worry, at least they know we are working on it"
20 minutes later
CTO: "WTF why did you make my app crash?! I can't send this to a client!"
Told you. That is why that code is on develop and not on master. -
We were once tasked to create a 3-part Flash game to advertise the upcoming release of an album by a very famous band. Every part used a different gaming engine which we had to build from scratch (one of which was like a simplified version of the OG GTA game - top down driving with zooming in etc). On top of this we had to deal with user registration and score submission.
We had 4 weeks to do it in. We were 3 people.
We did an illegal number of hours to get as much done as we could, and we still didn't manage it in time because, frankly it was impossible.
Pretty good game though.1 -
On the next episode of "when life gives you lemons" we will teach you how to enter a USB correctly on the first go. Yes, you heard me, after 7 years of research, and 2 years of not research, we did it!4
-
Am I the only one who finds this idea ridiculous?
Github’s marketing department is jumping the shark by storing most popular repos in Svalbard mines.
https://archiveprogram.github.com
Please do not archive nodejs for future civilizations! It increases their risk of dying out, as we did by wasting fossil energy on node_modules.2 -
My first job was when I started my apprenticeship in 2012 - I was really shy, 15 years old and couldn't talk to strangers. So couldn't the guy who started the apprenticeship with me. We've got a simple contact form to program, he did the php part, I did the html part. We were supposed to talk together but we both didn't so it was pretty enerving for our boss lol. After three years we finally started to talk and we are still working together for the same boss, even after the apprenticeship - I think he's happy that we are finally talking lol
-
Client :
When do you think we can get the website done with?
Me:
Don't worry, I'll get it done in 3 days.
Me after 2 and half days:
<!Doctype Html>
<html>
<head>
<title> Hello, what did you say the website does again? ....4 -
!rant
For the second time in a row, one of our customers decided not to pay their server. The server, on which a lot of the work we did for them (online shop) was hosted. Shortly after completion, we specifically told them to backup their stuff on a daily basis, secure their server and regularly update it... Guess who did neither of those things, in addition to not paying their server after more than 5 reminders, and still complains about their shop being offline. Fucking idiots.2 -
Me: We did [technical debt] and [next feature] is hard to implement because of it. I suggest we do [actual 5 min solution] before proceeding to implement [next feature].
Colleagues: Agreed
Team Lead: We don't have time for this I dont want to change anything because the way we did [technical debt] already works besides we can [more technical debt] code go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr3 -
Worst fight?
Stubborner against stubbornest.
About a focking fact that was trivially true or false. Fun fact: it didn't matter anyway.
Boy, did we raise our voices and attract the attention of everybody in the room. Lesson learned. -
My manager asked me: Did you tested the website on all browsers?
I simply said YES. Then he asked again, Did you test it on IE?
I simply replayed: what that IE? We don't use untrusted application for testing our work.1 -
Ok so to recap, we had shit beginning. We couldn't find client like 3 months and thank god that we agreed that we don't register the firm right away. If we did we would be broke a long time ago.
We found first client and he wanted to build some scrapers with gui. So me being BackEnd developer I created API for scraping (boredom) and my friend created website for that api and I just created gui that displays that site. The project was about 1200$. And since there are 3 of us we splited it into 3x400$.
After that it was again really hard to find clients again. We thought of quitting and just going to uni or something but we really didn't want to and anyways we needed to get money for uni ourselfs if we wanted to go.
So we said that as we are not paying anything and not losing money we will continue as long as we can.
And after we managed to get a hold of it and now we have 2 clients and after we finish them we have 2 more.
So I think the most important thing is that you help your coworkers. My friend who finds clients had a rough time at the beggining as I mentioned. So all 3 of us got together and started spamming people for few weeks. That's how we found our first client.
So now we are running. Not a milion dollar company but we are happy that we are doing what we love and that we have money doing it. We aim higher but we don't want to hurry and screw things up as we are young still.
Also thank you for getting interested after 300 days :)11 -
100% of the credit goes to my dear friend @TheKarlisK
This is our VPN project we did recently and published it as open source to the world.
Cheers to you my man, Karlis.8 -
True story
Was free at work so applied for a stretch project.
PM: you know mobile dev?
Me: yes, built a few apps
PM: good, we have an old app we want you to take the JAR change everything but the look of it and make it a new hybrid app with the required features.
Me: *kill me please*
PM: and use WordPress as the server.
Me: ...........
Accepted the challenge. Did the entire app in ionic and build a server for it with SpringBoot. Client loves it PM is still doesn't know😂2 -
!rant
Just had the best moment of my career today. Myself and two of my colleagues have been working on this system (firmware, hardware, web app etc) together and after months of hard work we finally saw it all in action.
My colleague turned on a device on the web site and it updated the db, turned on a light on his board and updated the devices state on the site (we use web sockets so it's real time).
I probably haven't did it justice here but it was flipping awesome!1 -
"this office, that is located 2000 miles from here needs a network because of we decided to renovate the entire office starting today.
Can you fix no later than tomorrow?"
We were not notified about this before.
We did not have the equipment.
It is impossible to get an hotel room atleast two month in advance.
Yeah3 -
Leaving work with no bugs in the code! Everything works flawlessly!
Coming back the next day and all of a sudden nothing works and we need to spend the whole day getting it to work as well as it did yesterday.
There seems to be programming gnomes, ruining our code at nights!3 -
I know we have a lot of talented people here. Piece of advice, what ever you build, believe in it. See it through. No matter how good of an idea incompleteness won't get you anywhere.
After all every other day we all analyze different successful products and say "huh... that's nothing. Even we can do that".
Well thats the difference "We" can do that, they DID it.
See your ideas through. Stay motivated =)1 -
How to run a productive meeting?
Have a written agenda (provided before the meeting, of course)
No "Lets talk about the service architecture" nonsense. Provide the exact details of what the outcome of the meeting should be. Even been lucky enough to cancel meetings when the agenda points are answered in a reply email. Its awesome.
As conditioned as we are about agendas, a few mgrs still skip the agenda and it ends up as you would imagine. At the end, everyone is like "Why are we here? What did we decide? Looks like we need another meeting..."4 -
In 2010, it was my first client project. Our architect was not from iOS background, we had editable pdfs in our app. Those were pretty rich pdfs with inline HD images. iPads that time were not too fast and couldn't handle big gb pdf loaded into memory. App would crash randomly running out of memory. We fixed it by paginating pdf, it wasn't out of the world but considering it was my first mobile project and no one to guide, I thought it was pretty cool what we did there
-
Google is amazingly good at using tech to solve problems we did not even know we have...
I mean.. How did we even survive til this day w/o google making restaurant reservation or barbershop calls..? We are cavemen bcz we still do it all ourselves... So inefficient..
/s4 -
"Architect"(A) - Hey, StrucN, we have a bit of a problem on the module you are working on (which the previous "developers" seem to have given it roofies)
Me: Okay, what seems to be the problem?
A: There is a need to add some functionality to it, we need you to ...
Me: I see, well it can be done but it wouldn't be so simple - the module is a mess and the change would need to be well tested
A: I fear the clients deadline is for tomorrow
Me: Well he'll have to wait, rushing it is the worst possible option
A: I'll talk to him about it, thanks
After around half an hour A rushes back
A: Hey I passed a ticket to you about the additions we spoke about, it should be ready for tomorrow
Me: It won't be ready, it's too complex to complete is in such a shirt notice (considering it's already the end of the day and all the changes need to be pushed tommorow to prod)
A: I know *programmer from useless team B* did something similar so as it is close to what we need you should copy it.
My inner voice: FUCK YOU YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT! THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY COPY PASTE SHIT FROM SOME UNRELATED MODULE! YOU SHIT STAINED MEAT BAG ALREADY DID SUCH A SIN IN THE PAST AND I HAD TO FIX ALL OF IT. THE MODULE SHOULDN'T SUFFER ANY MORE AS IT IS ALREADY A GODDAMN RAPE VICTIM!
WHERE DID PROPER PROFESSIONALISM WENT? WHY IS IT THE INDUSTRY FILLED WITH STUPID WANNA BE "ARCHITECTS" WHILE OTHER MORE COMPETENT FOLK SHOULD ALWAYS BE IGNORED BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS SHOULD BE READY FOR TOMMOROW?!
For fucks sake I miss my old Architect, he could really understand the essence of program development3 -
Using mongodb for one product
A colleague as experimenting with elastic search (I think it was).
It installed a proxy around the collection to get all events for the external search storage.
Worked well, but it was just a test so once done we removed it
But thats where it got scary.
When we removed the proxy through the search dashboard it dropped the underlying collection of live data!!!
A collection it did not create.
Hows that for bad UI.
Always experiment on a separate db server. -
Worst hack/attack?
Probably developing a complex food ordering website and client just stole the website and didn’t pay as it turns out our PM didn’t let the client sign a contract. Can’t sue as we have no legal binding documents.
We did managed to get access to the database and decided to change our passwords manually, but like I don’t get paid much for this2 -
bool rant = false
I became my school's computer club president just last year. Although it's a computer club most of them aren't specially good in computer. We learn Photoshop for mostbof the time. So I decided to bring in unity3d and teach it myself.
I did managed to teach them in a slow pace. What came to me as a surprise is that I inspired another student to held unity class in school to teach other students game making .
Sometimes little thing we do may influence people in a big way we don't know.2 -
Colleague while reviewing my latest commit.
Him: Hey, RemusWasTaken, why did you leave this debug log in here?
Me: That function won't work unless I leave that line exactly there.
Him: It can't stay, come here so we can fix it.
Three hours of debugging later, this Friday afternoon.
Him: Okay, I give up. Let's leave it there for now.
Me: I did the same thing yesterday. Time well spent.
Nodejs is weird sometimes, or we are incompetent devs.5 -
Worked for a party supply chain on their e-commerce solution for less than minimum wage and was overworked.
The only reason i did it was so i could visit my girlfriend 3 hours away each weekend.
We are still together 7 years later and have 2 kids. -
tldr:
first year in college we programmed 24 hrs straight to fix somebody's mess before the deadline. Decided not to screw him over, instead he claimed to have done everything and we failed the assignment.
Long version:
var group= new[]{"Mike", "Gavin", "Gus", "I", "Ben" };
var client = "Jack"';
First year of college we had an assignment to make a web program for somebody.
Ben wanted to join our group and he already knew a client so we let him join.
After joining Ben wanted to be project lead, but we already decided Mike based on his experience.
Ben claimed to be much better in every way than Mike at and kept coming with stuff the following weeks why we should make him project lead. He kept pointing out when Mike did something wrong and he even came with an audio file where he clearly made jack say that he wanted Ben to be project lead .
After that we were all a bit pissed and told him that he should get it in his head that he was not going to be project lead and just start working on his part of the assignment.
We also found out that Ben was a documentation addict, what we could write in a small paragraph, he wrote a whole page about it. No joke, I rewrote a page of his in 5-6 rows with the same information in it.
No problem you thing, wrong! Because of this he kept bothering us arguing and claiming that our documentation was wrong because it was to short.
In the week of the deadline we asked Ben if he was also done, and told us that he was done for a while now.
The day before the deadline we came to school thinking we only had to do some merging and finishing up documentation.
Then we found out that Ben has almost nothing, and what he had the IDE was screaming that it was incorrect, spaces in Id's and css class names for instance. A really good programmer, my ass!
We were so pissed off at this point, but we had 24 hrs and needed to come up with a plan to fix it.
We decided that Mike and I were going to fix Ben his shit in the coming 24 hrs and Ben was going to make our last bit of documentation because we would not have the time for that, Especially if we had to argue with him like we had to do for each bit of documentation. Gus did not have time and Gavin could not program on his own yet, he wanted to help, but helping him help us would cost more time than we had.
We all went home after that and Mike and I started to program 24 hours straight while in a Skype call, making what Ben had 2 months for. Shortly before the deadline Mike looked at our finishing up documentation received from Ben and told me it was "Okay" and zipped everything up and uploaded it to school with a few minutes to spare.
After that we thought everything was good, we made Ben's part work and delivered it in time. We also decided not to throw Ben under the bus, because this would hurt all our grades because we did not work good as a group since we should have noticed it earlier.
A few weeks go by till the assessment.
The assessment start with asking if we want individual grades or as a group when you all think you did equal amount. We choose as a group, because if we chose individual not only Ben but also Gavin would get a lower grade and we did not think that was fair because he tried so hard.
We demo the product and the teachers are positive. When the teachers start about the documentation, the first thing they tell is that they found something interesting in the documentation, and they read it to us:
"I, Ben, have made all the documentation because my group did not want to."
That was so far from the truth, we all did make our documentation about the parts we made. Yes he did do overall a little bit more because every single bit of documentation we had to argue with him, so every time he volunteers to make it, we would all agree. And he made Mike's and i's last bit of documentation.
Telling the teachers on that point would not have mattered, it would only have hurt is in another way, so we did not and all failed the assignment. And we all felt like to strangle him.
This is now a few years back, but i still want too.1 -
I’m in a big company now. We have all the resources in the world. We promote best practice. We don’t even seem to have deadlines. We mob on everything so that we get the benefit of all our experience combined.
So if all that is true, why in gods name does the first class I open have shed loads of hard coded settings, IP addresses and GUIDs in it?
FML. How did I end up working in this shit.9 -
This is a follow up to my previous rant where I complained about Lenovo firmware update failing and bricking a relative’s computer.
We bought a chip programmer, got the bios from some forum and the thing fucking worked. I’m actually surprised it did, I’m not used to doing shit like this. I was pretty fucking scared of burning something.
The programmer also came with a clamp so we could hook it to the chip without desoldering it. Thank god.
I’m terribly depressed so good timing with that I guess.1 -
We did it guys, devRant bot is now on the Slack marketplace so hopefully we will see some new faces around.
https://slack.com/apps/...3 -
"This needs to go into production NOW"
Five hours later...
"That fix is on production now"
"Thanks, did you fix that other bug on production? We need it fixed now" -
If only we could get errors like this, it would make our life so much easier.
I didn't even have to search Google all I did was use the current version and BOOM!1 -
"OMG WE MISSED SOMETHING WE NEED AN EMAIL SENT TO EVERYONE IF X HAPPENS AND NOBODY DID A THING WITHIN AN HOUR!"
Ok done.
"OMG WE NEED IT SENT IF NOBODY DID A THING EVERY 30 MINUTES"
Um... not sure we're solving this problem right way ... but there you go done.
"OMG SOMEONE GOT AN EMAIL AFTER 45 MINUTES AND NOT 30 MINUTES"
Bro who the fuck knows why that happened, it's email not instant messenger .... that's what I meant by us solving this in the wrong way, email for this is dumb... how about we solve this process problem in some other way or you just fuck off ... this isn't a coding issue this is something else...4 -
After exhaustive talking to my boss, who always expresses the same concerns, we always end up agreeing that we need to separate development across our coworkers competences ...
We are even gonna hire a full front-end developer this time (as we did with the last 3 hires)..
And what did he do you may ask...
Put our front ender in charge of:
- Build a api in python
- Build the front-end
- 2 months deadline
The front ender is smart and is constantly asking me stuff and learning a lot.
But wtf boss? I could do it in no time...
I literally spent this whole week doing nothing, waiting for some approvals...
He is making everyone unmotivated as fuck ...
I'm starting to wonder pretty fucking every time if he is genuinely retarded.6 -
Our company decided to buy a new platform from a third party company..but they did not pay at all at once, it was like a loan, and every month we received a new feature to integrate in our code system, after a couple of months the company stopped paying, then they decided to cut the relation and suddenly I was working 18 hours per day to build the platform that they were supposed to buy.. we were told that we had one month to finish, of course we didn’t make it, I got fired the same year :D2
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Just finished an assignment yesterday where we had to code a math problem in assembler in under 20 lines
looking at the task: Hey, we already did this in Python
*building own modulo Operation for that cause we cant use it*
*freaking out when realizing it's just not posibble in 20 lines*
Then scrolling up the wikipedia page to see you've spend hours trying to implement the wrong thing3 -
By the way, did anyone ever went to hospital because drinking too much coffee? I drink it, you drink it, we drink it, but I'm seriously worried sometimes about my heart and blood pressure.13
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We did retrieve the whole list 20 lines ago, didn't we?
Well, who cares... Let's retrieve it again IN A LOOP, im EACH ITERATION.
and then for good measure lets make another query for each item, each time we retrieve the list. Why not?
I have to make an effort not to swear right now. I have been asked to optimize a particular oiece of code...
Ffs3 -
My mom told me to take the spider out instead of killing it..
So i did. We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works as a web developer.4 -
WE DID IT BOYS! @dfox @trogus I feel that putting our devRant stickers on our laptops is officially a thing- So I'm prepared to join the dark side 😄
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So i just saw a post about not pushing to production on Friday's and that reminded me of something.
A team we are working with (we needed help on something so we got another company to send us a team and do it for us) recently push to production on a Friday at around 5pm.
We didn't know that they had done it until a shit ton of errors started happening and we had no idea why (it was working so far, none of us did anything, so what the fuck is going on).
To make things better, one of my colleagues tried calling them and they wouldn't answer the phone. They knew what they did, so they went home before we could notice it and we had to correct their mistake.
We had everyone calling us saying they had gotten an error, and they needed to get home but couldn't because of it (it messed up a process that only happens at the end of the day before people go home. I can explain more in the comments if anyone is confused, or just wants to know).
Eventually everything was solved, but that was a very stressful ending of the week.
So yeah, don't deploy on Friday's please and thank you7 -
From the Chromium mailing list:
TL;DR - 32 bit is no more (?)
Hi, chromium devs,
TL:DR;
I will remove following 4 builders next week.
Linux Builder (dbg)(32)
Linux Tests (dbg)(1)(32)
linux_chromium_compile_dbg_32_ng
linux_chromium_dbg_32_ng
More explanation:
For now, chromium does not support 32 bit Linux
https://support.google.com/chrome/...
and all 32 bit x86 devices for chromeos is EOL too.
https://chromium.org/chromium-os/...
Considering that, I was not able to find any reason we have builders for not supported platform now.
If you have any comments about this builder removal, please let me know.
I will start removing process of the builders next week if there is no concern from you.
Note: This removal does not include 32 bit android/windows/libfuzzer or other than chromium builders.
Thanks,
Takuto
--
Takuto Ikuta
Software Engineer in Tokyo
Chrome Ops (goma team)8 -
so my job at this startup is more of a general manager over all departments, checking in making sure everything is going smooth (basically COO), but we just did a super private beta launch today as our devs went to sleep, i spent most of my night tonight bug fixing and doing some style fixes and man did it feel good to be back and doing that (especially since most of the heavy lifting has already been done 😂)
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I DID IT! I got my first co-op job!! I’ll be starting in the fall and I’m super excited 🤩
Finally I’ll get to do real work and I’ll get to see just how far schooling has gotten me.
Gotta admit I’m a tilt bit worried I over sold myself in the interview but we will cross that bridge when we get to it 😅
I’ll also finally have some real rants soon enough 😏😅1 -
I’ve been tasked with finding an experienced Project Manager for ‘a sensible cost’ - no specific budget amount shared.
That sounds like “we want the best, but want to pay very little” right?
It’s a massive project, they said “you developed this, did all the documentation and research, you can PM it right?”
“Can’t we just start making progress and adapt as we go?” They asked.
Sure I said (thinking Agile), but they said I just need to get on with it and let them know when finished! So no stakeholder interaction... this is not going to end well...2 -
1) Submitted my CV
2) Got an email to schedule a phone interview for the next week, I gave ~5 appiointments on the next week that were good for me
3) Next week passed, no answer to my E-mail, I asked in a mail, what happend
4) Got reply, that we should schedule the phone interview for the next week
5) We aggreed, in the appointment, they did not call me
6) I asked in a mail, what has happened
7) We aggreed in a new appointment
8) This time they called me, after a short conversation I was told, that I they send me task as homework right after the phone call and I will have to do it in one week
9) They did not send it
10) Next day I asked, whats going on
11) They sent me the task, and said that I can ask them, if have queations
12) For me it was not clear, if I was allowed to use frameworks for the task, so I asked it
13) I neveg got reply and did not ping for the 4th time
This was the most annoying and ridiculous recruiting process I had to deal with. It was just a waste of time.1 -
Did anyone heard about modular C?
I'm working on it at school, it's like how to do OOP in C with structures and function pointers.
We're developing the String class but next, we will make a basic C++ implementation in C before beginning the real C++
Do you think it's a good path?5 -
Well... I once accidentally deleted a classmates entire assignment. Basically we were working together on one and we had the code in Github, I had named the repo after the module code.
He was having some weird git issues and I thought it would be easier to just delete and re-clone on his machine. You can probably see where this is going.
Me: rm -rf <DIR NAME> Enter
Him: wait, which folder did you just delete
Turns out he had the repo cloned inside another directory with the EXACT SAME NAME, which also contained his previous assignment, the only copy of it in the entire universe (it was a group project and they did it all on his laptop with no source control, which i found hilarious).
It wasnt so bad since that assignment was already submitted and graded, but a bit of a fail on both our parts. -
Spent a good bit of my time the past few months developing a cool web app for our company.
Was told last week the due to all the layoffs etc that we would no longer have a need for it.
Fuck!
Still proud of the work I did and how it turned out.1 -
We spent a lot of time creating these CSS animated pop-ups that described parts of the product. They looked great, but the client called and said they were "flickering" on her computer. We debugged and could not for the life of us figure out what she meant by flicker. The code was so simple that we couldn't imagine how it could be flickering. It was just a jQuery fadeIn(). It worked fine for us in every browser we tried. So we just gave up. The next day, the client called back and said,"Hey, it looks great. You fixed the flickering. How did you do it?" And our dev replied, "Uh, we set the flicker to 0".6
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While attending an internal training session (some joining the meeting online and some present in the room), an online attendee did not mute their microphone and proceed to eat a packet of crisps/chips. And not softly, but like a horse.
We were also recording it, so now we can listen to it over and over ...1 -
Me and the team I manage after fixing bugs,
Me: hey devXY, please send a build to the QA to test it. I am going to a meeting.
*2 hours later
QA guy: hey, we did not receive any build yet.. we are already out of time..
Me to devXY: hello, why didn't you send a build to QA?
devXY: ok, sending it now.
ME LIKE: WTF!!!1 -
My killer PR:
I made a small feature and it was to be merged in my senior's branch.
So I made it, resolved all the conflicts and when it got merged it broke my senior's branch.
This is nothing new and it happens, so me and him sat down and got it working. After two days, his branch got merged and broke it's parent 😂, after investigation my code was the reason, got fixed and merged.
Same thing happened 3 more times, and every time my code was the culprit.
Now for staging we thoroughly tested everything and deployed it, after running for 2 hours the piece of shit broke again 😂😂😂.
A meeting was arranged for scolding the team, and after the meeting the architect comes to me and say "how did you manage to fuck things on so many levels, literally?". I handled it like a pro with an awkward laugh.
We exhaustively checked it for production. Deployed, it did not broke, we were happy. After a month of successful run, I just joked about the above incident while we were working on next release on morning coffee. That cursed thing broke on the same evening. I was like 😮2 -
Me: *pushes up code that should stop bad thing from happening*
Bad thing: *doesnt happen for a few hours*
Is..is it good??? Did i fix it????? Or does the thing just randomly not happen right now??????? We will never know.6 -
When java was facing extinction, during the JavaScript, Node, and reactive programming hype. It did what it had always done. just adapt to the hype and maintain backward compatibility. We can all learn a thing or two from the humble java. It never rushes, it's patient. Be calm and wait before you hype yourself.2
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*sigh* woke up did a data export for the customer, send it to them then they reply "thanks but it's next weekend we wanted the data export not this one" checked the email and they were correct.
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I'd say it was when I did a Codereview and the dev said that he doesn't really know how the code works and he doesn't quite know what it's purpose is supposed to be.
We are talking about less then 200 lines, all written by himself, this is not copied code.1 -
Business: "should we use this technology?"
Developers: " probably not but we will do a full investigation and give you a report on the pros cons and our professional opinion... No we should not use that technology"
Business: "oh yeah why you guys were off seeing if it would work we did the deal so now we have to use it"2 -
So apparantly at the company i work at someone was able to use the remote monitoring a comptetitor set up for their automation stuff they had on the same site as we did. Apparantly they use just as shitty passwords as we do and rely on the network being secured enough by the IT guys. And since our stuff is in the same network as theirs. Well...2
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Three of us doing a project for free for our web-dev teacher at university. Looking back at that project I think we did a terrible job, we built an ugly, monolithic application with Express, MongoDB, Pug and Vue.
It was a CMS for a local church and the best part of the project was including some hidden easter eggs accessible only by setting some cookies manually in the browser.
Although we did the project for free, I think we all have been learning a lot of valuable things and we also tried out new stuff, like the Kanban board and a few aspects of the scrum way. The most interesting part of this was learning all of it by ourselves, because our web-development teacher couldn't really help in web-development... -
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown* -
Spending hours trying to figure out why the stack just won't work with SSL. Nearly lost my mind as we started feeling dumber than ever. I really started to doubt my skills after it did not even work with the most minimal nginx site config I could imagine.
The next day I discovered that we missed the 443 port mapping in the docker-compose file...it only had port 80 mapped.
Yup, stepping back from a problem and getting some sleep is really worth it sometimes. -
Business Continuity / DR 101...
How could GitLab go down? A deleted directory? What!
A tired sysadmin should not be able to cause this much damage.
Did they have a TESTED dr plan? An untested plan is no plan. An untested plan does not count. An untested plan is an invitation to what occurred.
That the backups did not work does not cut it - sorry GitLab. Thorough testing is required before a disruptive event.
Did they do a thorough risk assessment?
We call this a 'lesson learned' in my BC/DR profession. Everyone please learn by it.
I hope GitLab is ok.2 -
[story of your first dev project] - i really think there should be a headline like that for wk rants
Anyways, it was a while back, le college teacher approached my friend and me asking if we wanted to do a project. We said sure, it was a medium sized data analysis project. We got the specs with a lot of formulas, basically implement them all and make a web frontend, thats it. Took like a year but we did it. Few months later teacher is furious because the calculations didnt give him data that he expected (by expect i mean he thought that a distribution formula would accurately yield 200+ data fields from around 4) and blamed it on us. Not the retard other professor who fucked up half of the formulas. Ok.1 -
PO: Is it done yet?
PO: Whats the status?
PO: Any progress??
My brain: Did we have requirements for this, or just a deadline2 -
Weeks after our partner has been nagging us to release to production because we've been putting it off because their API sucks and wouldn't properly work.... we finally did....
except their production API doesnt even work LMAO -
My first experience with computers was in "technology" class at school.
The teacher told us we had to switch off the monitor then turn off the computer.
Once, I forgot about this and did the other thing around, and I got yelled at ... It traumatised me so much that for a few years I always did it that way, thinking that I could break something doing otherwise...
I still feel bad thinking about this and hate that teacher for such a useless trauma about a thing he didn't understand either.2 -
Today my boss decided that he wanted to manage his project properly. After a year he gave us deadlines (we still had deadlines but usually we did not know them). I open the xlsx file (yeah... xlsx) and I see the date of today as deadline. Well, at least it won't be a surprise this time.2
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Wouldn't call it a software bug but related:
Was developing an order system to expand in the UK. We have been developing it for the last 2 years and always had a one nasty bug in the system... Whatever we do, it still appears... Tried debugging to find the source, tried covering with tests - nothing helped it was still there. We even rewrote the whole system 3 times and it still was there!
One day, we have been given a stupid request from our manager - take a black background and make it even more blacker... That was it and I went to the CEO with letter where I stated that we should remove the manager... As I'm the Senior there, he did ask me why and eventually removed the manager...
Oh my guys, I've never felt so good after removing a bug! Since then - our application went live, we had our first customers and we were happily rolling new updates. And the best part - there was no BUG! Everything we did just had undocumented features or missing links but we haven't really had a single bug that was not caught by our automated tests!
---
Moral of the story:
Not only software can have bugs. People also can be "bugs" while bugging you about every single details they think is not working correctly. -
If it weren't for poor documentation I'd be retired by now.
We didn't all write your library. In fact, only you did. So, some helpful documentation would really help us all out. Can't believe the number of times I need to read source code to figure out what the hell you are doing.3 -
[Working on some really "urgent" report for an about to publish project]
dev: client, can you explain what this value is? we can't figure it out and we though tha...
client: im gonna stop you right there, DO NOT Analyse! we dont have time for silly questions, if the design says there's a 10, just put that freaking 10 in that place...
dev: but sr, we need to...
Client: what did i say? just stop saying things and build it!2 -
So today a colleague confessed to an attempt to troll my computer by SSHing into it and playing random songs. Thankfully he did not manage but he would just happen to do it the day we have a security audit.
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This is about both worst boss and most annoying co-worker.
Well, this boss didn't care how much code we wrote, or how good it was (well, at least he didn't care that much); only how much commits we do. And this coworker literally did a script to do a commit every 10 minutes. 24/7. Everyone else was completely mad about it and about a week later we achieved that he was kicked from the job. Since then I still get trauma if someone commits something unimportant.9 -
Last saturday, the CEO forced us to update one of the services that we are dependent out without any tests... The people responsible for it very much advised against it but they still did it.
Now, nearly a week later. The literal core feature is still broken with no fix in sight and rolling back is not possible apparently.5 -
Worst experience?
Fourth semester. Programming project.
We were 4 persons, I did almost all the work (including fixing the stuff they broke) but that's not the point.
One of them somehow killed our git repo at least once per weak. It was really annoying, because I had to fix it.
Also he named *all* of his commits 'Pfuschpush' (Pfusch is German for botch). And the code had exactly this quality. I often had to rewrite everything he did (or simply revert the commit).1 -
I find it funny that, one of the most expected features on Windows, is not even a Windows feature. The teams at Microsoft must be feeling the same way we feel when, after a huge project, the client gets super excited when we implement or change something really, really small, that we did in a couple hours, just for fun.
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Client: I need you to integrate with this API.
Me: ok cool, but what are we doing with it (where does the data go/styling)?
Client: what do think we should do?
Me: well it would be really cool if we did it like this *short and sweet explanation of really cool functionality and design*
Client: I LOVE IT! Let's do it, oh also I need it done by tomorrow...
Me: *GOD DAMNIT, why do you always do this...don't you dare say ok* ok, yeah I can totally do that.
...now at the market stocking up on redbull2 -
One of my most arrogant customers was one that constantly called support because she could not get things to work as she wanted.
We repeatedly told her that she was working against the way the system was built and that was what was causing her problems.
This was not a custom system for that customer but a cloud product we where offering with over a thousand customers on and it was designed with a certain workflow in mind.
Despite this she always complained that the system was wrong and we needed to fix it.
She was also always late for her deadline complaining that she did not get the information from her bosses in time and demanded we help her get it done :)
But I was fortunate that everyone at our company held a unified position that it was not out fault that her bosses gave her info late or that she tried to do things in a way the system was not designed for.
So when she got to aggressive we just offered her to go somewhere else.
I thing they finally did, after about two years.1 -
The team leader call us for a serious meeting, and he wants it to be productive,
Leader: "we shall not procrastinate anymore. We don't have time left. We should not just talk random bullshit like we did the last few times. Aight?"
We all agree to be productive.
We also set a few main subjects and decision to be discussed. Then, we all get into the meeting room seriously. In a meeting, we try the idea of the upcoming project. But we suddenly went off topic. Then, My friend talk about L4D2. Then we start playing. And, I say, why not try some GTA5? I proudly reboot my expensive laptop from Ubuntu to Windows and playing GTA. Then, we start spotify and talk about song.
We laid in the sofa and talk sexually. My friend introduce me his favorite AV and we compare our manhood's size.
It was 4am already. One by one the attendee fall asleep.
It is lIke... the survival gamr of sleepiness? xD
Only my best boy friend and I were left awake, talking about ourselves, watching the beautiful midnight city.
Then, 2 of us ourselves start to talk about project idea. It is something cool and crazy to think about, like a friend making app. The 3 hours of brainstorming is gay and romantic.
"Okay, so we have the outline. let's sleep, baby" So we sleep till the noon. We wake up. Some left. Some were still sleeping. The birds twitter in the bequtiful skyline.
I did not forget to upload my idea to discord after going home in the morning. End of the meeting. Barely any goal was met in the meeting.
Those days, we make attempt of productive meeting again and again but end up procrastinating everyday. We had meeting in a small bedroom and it was our meeting room. We played different songs, tasted different wines.
And, finally one day, my friend say "I feel that it is much productive to work alone in a separate room. So we won't get distracted by each other."
Another friend: "yea..I know it is harsh... but yea... true... let's work alone"
I almost eant to cry. But we cannot indulge ourselves in the moments of dreamy romance.
We should start real work and don't be gay.1 -
We have gotten a rebranding 'document' that we have to implement. It contains 1 image, 4 colors and a new font excluding the font name. Nothing more.
How the fuck did the company pay so much for something so bare bones...2 -
I am currently working as a consultant and I like it. It also makes upset/happy/schadenfroh (not entirely sure how I feel about it) when we tell the client what work needs to be done in which order and why just so they can throw it all overboard and we do it the way they want it and it bites them in the ass a few month down the line.
They hire us for the external professional experience that we bring, so listen to us. We did this before, we know what works, and we know way your way does not work.7 -
~Of open worlds and post apocalypses~
"Like dude. What if we made an open world game with a map the size of the united states?"
"But really, what if we put the bong down for a minute, and like actually did it?"
"With spiky armor and factions and cats?"
"Not cats."
"Why not though?"
"Cuz dude, people ate them all."
https://yintercept.substack.com/p/...8 -
Oh my! This guy is such a dickhead! We have a release tomorrow and he just changed everything a coworker did in the past few weeks because it had some errors and looked not polished enough.
Now it looks quite nice.
*sigh* Sometimes I can be such an asshat. -
Around 7 months ago,me and my friend started working for a startup as interns. it was work from home internship. they first told us to research about CDN and study about RESTapi. when we finished with that they told us to make a personal storage portal ( ) using CDNs which we did. After 3 month of work when we presented the same they then told us to scrap the project. what they wanted was cloud storage space which i am now implementing using amazon s3 FUCK THIS FUCKING STARTUP1
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Several years ago, I interviewed for a popular site and it was the only one of the many interviews I did that suffer that did Google-style whiteboard problems and nobody peppered me. I didn't recall the optional way to reverse a linked list right there and then. I think I came up with the right solution and failed to communicate it well.
When we got done, I could feel their eyes trying to burn holes in me for wasting their time.2 -
Hello?
> dear sir, we have found your pc is infected!
Oh dear, where?
> no, no sir. Not where, your private pc has a virus.
ohh, okay. Thank you. Now that you know can you tell me where it is, I mean the IP I cannot find it!
*hangs up*
dammit then where did I put that PC?2 -
Omg guys !.Did u read the news ? There is article 13 . Europe goverment has agreed to put new law named article 13.It means we cant upload photos if they r not original ! Omg. What are we going to do about this article 13 ? Do we start a war ?.Hm?2
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So we have this team that deploys some code. We had a change in that code that "we" forgot about. Turns out, a dev on our team decided it would be cool to rename an endpoint. Why? Great question. Because. So this code gets deployed, but the call to that endpoint didn't get deployed. System 2 tries to call the endpoint, 404. We roll back, we're searching, after like an hour, we find it. We go to TFS to see who did it. The dev grabs my keyboard and starts checking diffs, somehow managing to skip their commit (from 5 months earlier). I take back my keyboard and *surprise* it was the commit that was skipped. WTF? Why did you rename that endpoint? What do you mean you didn't do it? It has your name right there!3
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Year ago in university.
We opened our university's website and select inspect element in browser then edit the header tag to "hacked by..."
My friends and i : hey look, we just hacked university website.
Our friend : oh let me see, damn you, how did u do that?
Our : it was easy, just don't tell anybody. He answered ok.
After couple days our proffesor asked me : do you know who hacked university website? I want to know if anyone could hack it.
I answered: no sir. I don't know.
I think our friend still thinks we hacked the website xD -
A dude who was constantly saying "jokes" he found funny, but no one else did. They were incredibly dumb and sometimes borderlin offensive.
That dude is tied with a girl in my internship who had some kind of superiority complex and no matter what the interns did, she did it better in her time and we were a waste of resources, according to her. Once, me and my friend got late 10 minutes after lunch time, she complained. Next day, she was late by more than 45 minutes after lunch. Fucking hypocrite.3 -
In an IT management class, the professor wanted us to estimate the operation costs for a small IT company, breaking them down by service offered. I remember creating a markdown file, multiple times executing the line `echo $RANDOM >> estimations.md`. We rounded the numbers slightly, pimped the document a bit and submitted a nice PDF. When we had to present our work, the professor asked us how we had proceeded to calculate those results. We told him a story about an Excel file we worked on, but did not submit, because we thought he'd be interested in the end result and not care about those details. He asked us to submit that Excel calculation, because he wanted to comprehend our method. So we got together, created an Excel sheet, copied our "estimations" into column C and called it "service cost". For column B, we used the same "cost per man hour" value (scientifically estimated using the RAND() function) for every row. Finally, we divided the "service cost" by the "cost per man hour" for every row, put the result in column A and called it "effort (in man hours)". The professor, being able to "reproduce" our estimation, accepted our solution.2
-
Omg fucking Microsoft Teams shit. Stop it with your auto pop op Emoji menu shit you utter cunts.
I just want to copy the bit of chat…not critique the fuck out of it
Why did our company sign up to this filthy mess? Cunt CTO taking backhanders…when he retires we will be left with this shit…what a wanker!9 -
We've been using private GitHub repos as a distribution method for our personal npm packages at work for years.
I finally got sick of it and did the work to publish them to artifactory yesterday. Today, I worked out the remaining kinks, fixed the CI builds, and wrote a wiki page explaining the change with step by step migration instructions and sent it around to the rest of the devs. And it's working great!
I feel simultaneously like a hero for finally getting this fixed and an idiot for putting up with it for so long.
Also thankful for my devops friend who helped a bunch.1 -
Day 1 - Monday:
Manager: How far did you go on this project?
Me: I have contacted the PM, and due to lack of data we are putting the project on hold since there is nothing we can work with, we expect to get the data next week. Peter is working on obtaining required data.
Manager: I see, okay.
Day 2 - Tuesday:
Manager: How for did you go on this project?
Believe it or not this happened again on Thursday... fml2 -
In my previous job, we had in c# a class called static manager. This abomination was thousands of lines long, every member static. Eventually the dev responsible, did split it in to multiple files each thousands of lines using partial class. Worst part? It wasn't even legacy code yet.1
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Co-Dev: The table doesn't have pagination. You said if I use your code it will have search bar and pagination.
Me: Did you initialize datatable? (we are using JQuery DataTables)
CD: No. Do I have to? How can I do it?
I. can't. even.6 -
A program I was using did not recognize a flag that I needed, so I edited the EXE file (using notepad++, no hexeditor) to replace a flag whose name was actually checked with the one I needed. Worked like a charm.
The response for my bug report was "this feature should not be there in the first place, we will remove it". Lucky me they did not remove it earlier. -
3 weeks after the GDPR panic I tought there would be no more annoying mails and stuff. But then I had an appointment at the dentist.
"Hi, I have an appointment"
"Wait a minute. We updated our privacy policy. Did you already signed it?" -
I remember a recruiter reaching out to me after I applied to a company and we set up a phone interview. When the date arrived, she did not call. I emailed her a few days later and she did not reply. A few weeks later she contacted me again, and since I hadn't secured a job yet, I decided to give it another shot and we set up another phone interview. Guess what? She didn't call. Second strike was too much for me, so when she emailed about a couple of weeks later to know if I was still interested, I did not even bother to reply.1
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Someone: Let's use this XY.
---
Where XY is a new service, like Slack / Jira / ...
---
Yeah. Let's just add another workflow without any planning, thinking etc..
Not that we did that a thousand times already and it always ended in an ever growing pile of shit.
Sheesh 🙄
These pointless discussions...1 -
so when someone in the office finds a funny design or absurd code on our sites we play a game we named roulette: we check the versioning system and find who did it... there is no price in this game, that shame is enough :)3
-
For uni we had to make a paper about a program we have to code. It could've been anything we wanted.
I went full mayhem and re-did final fantasy tactix advance from scratch in js: https://nitwhiz.xyz/tactix/ (not mobile friendly). No engine, real name no gimmicks, 100% my code.
Aside from not getting a straight A, I wish I did this stuff for money.3 -
We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...
Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.6 -
its two years since ive told a story here but lets go.
we got a new client, who is revamping their infrastructure. i gave some tasks to 2 dev ops guys (i am not devops). they were primarily bash scripts that needed to be altered. (ofc i can write scripts it takes a moment, its their jd)
after a week of chasing them around, getting no result from them, i end up doing it myself because client needs it and the company needs this client. for one task, they told me it does not apply to the component we were working on. (it did, and i did it)
we have a meeting with higher management, they asked me how did i implement it, i show my entire working, my backtracing etc (everyone knows this is how you approach huge system, component focused strict deadline task). it was infuriating how they approached it by trying to understand complete system in one week. i asked them why they hadn't taken component specific approach. they said they tried but failed because..
[this because is the whole reason for the rant, because i believe this because should be a fire-able offense]
..because we were not using VS code to find things in files
HOW IS WHAT TEXT EDITOR YOU USE OR DON'T USE AN EXCUSE
ARE YOU GUYS GETTING THIS?5 -
Java Dev: "Does Josh's team own this java service?"
Scrum Master: "They did the dev work but we own it."
Java Dev: -
I was at work today, coding and such. A girl walked in, so pretty and smart looking, beautiful eyes and all.. and asked if she can use my computer for a moment. That's it. C'mon what did you expect! We code!5
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So we thought we did something wrong and caused our AdX revenue to plunge. But after 'fixing' yesterday, we broke it further. Then we realised there were alot of illogical numbers on AdX report. We are suddenly making 1/3 of our ad revenue! I am running out of ideas. Anyone else is facing same issue?
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It's more of a QA rant....
A Website takes address information via POST. Since Selenium can not do POST properly devs said: "no worries, we will make the site accept addresses via GET url parameters"
Me:"Why not make a simple page with input fields that just behaves like the site calling our site via POST?"
Devs:"Nah we don't need that. Will be fine. We will ensure that POST service works via unit test."
Come release week... Dev:"Guys, POST isn't working, IT Analyst tested with the other site..."
Dev1:"Why did QA not test this earlier?"
Dev2:"He wanted to, we told him that we would unit test this. He fucking knew it. He fucking knew it so don't blame him!"
Me: :34 -
So the project I work on basically has to talk to a 3rd party plugin, through a 3rd party framework. The 3rd party plugin is a black box. This conversation happened:
Software guy: so we aren't sure what is breaking the thing. It's either us or the plugin, but it's probably both.
Systems guy: well then if we aren't sure then why are we writing an issue for it.
SWG: because we aren't sure but we know we are doing at least something that contributes. We read int X from a table and put it into a float. X doesn't perfectly represent in a float. It comes out X.0001. Then they take it and when it comes back it comes back as Y.0001. We cram it into an int so it becomes Y, we compare it to X which is really X.0001 and it comes back invalid.
SG: well as long as we are sending them the right number . . .
SWG: but we aren't sending them the right number. They are expecting X not X.0001. Then they send us back Y.0001 but it should be X so it's wrong.
SG: so they're giving us the wrong return value.
SWG: yes, but because we're giving them the wrong number.
SG: well not exactly . . .
SWG: yes exactly. It is off by .0001 because of floating point math.
SG: well . . .
Me: look it doesn't matter how it's breaking. But it IS broken. Which is why we're filling out the damn problem report. THEY ARE EDITABLE. We talked to the customer and gave them the risk assessment. They don't care. It happens rarely any way.
SG: then can we lower the severity?
Me: no. Severity doesn't relate to risk. That is a whole different process. Severity assumes it has already happened. It's a a high severity.
SG: but the metrics.
Me: WE GIVE THE METRICS TO THE CUSTOMER. WE TALKED TO THE CUSTOMER. THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
And that was how I spent Wednesday wondering how a level 4 lead systems engineer got his job. How many push ups did he do? What kind of juice did he drink?2 -
An issue occurs, resolve it with a "Could not reproduce", client asks for a report on what happened, what parts did it affect and how will we prevent it in the future...
To make things worse it looks like it might have been an issue with MSSQL server throwing weird data out and not a problem with my code...10 -
Development planning:
Expectation:
Gather the requirements then estimate the deadline.
What are clients did:
Here is the deadline, then here are the requirements that we must squeeze into it.1 -
Did a presentation to the brass with data so summarized that no informed decision could conceivably come out of it.
They want it even more summarized.
Here is your messy-suit-that-cost-50-grand, version, your overpaid tool:
1) Client be dumb
2) Supplier be slow
3) Money be good
4) We be smart
5) We make money (if you stop meddling and eating my whole morning with a PowerPoint to a meeting you got an hour late to, your fiduciary sack of douchness) -
In my current role, most of the time i am supporting classic asp legacy apps which i absolutely dislike.
When i started the role i told them we have to rewrite the apps in .Net and they said sure sure.. Its been almost 2 years now yet it doesn't seem we are rewriting any time soon. Even if we did some people in the business want us to use Microsoft CRM dynamics.
Hence i am changing jobs. I am no fan of classic asp or Microsoft dynamics CRM for web application development2 -
Working on a bug that in my opinion never worked. “Sr. Dev” dares to say the function has worked before. I’m a 100% sure it never did.
“Yes but everything is being tested before we go live.”
Dude, we have a monkey testing our stuff are you serious!?3 -
What I can't stand is when someone "name drops" a company they previously worked at. Such as, "...back when I worked at <insert Xxxsoft>" or "At <so and so place> we did things differently..."
We get it, your résumé is impressive. But it especially peeves me when they've been working at their current job for over a year and still mentions their old jobs.
1. I also worked at <XXXX-place> and it wasn't all that impressive.
2. If it was SO great, why aren't YOU still working there?2 -
Yesterday was my first day at Uni and it was amazing. We did just math like for 7 hours and today too. Actually we're gonna be doing it the whole week even on saturday. Finally I can study what I want 💪.
Just wanted to share my excitement with my fellow devs 😉.5 -
We once had to make another wordpress multilanguage site on a different domain but it should use the whole footer from previous site full with its images and sitemaps. The client said "just make it look like a copy of a footer". This would require us to copy the whole footer for 4 different languages every time somebody makes a change in the original site.
So the workaround we did in the end was to make a specific page in original wordpress site which only returns the footer.
In the new wordpress site we made a code which scrapes that whole page and puts its contents on the footer of the new wordpress site.
It worked perfectly and we never needed to copy the whole footer again because it was "dynamic". -
<"Perfect is enemy of good"
>"Excellent! I keep my enemies very close"
I do believe it possible that one can find at least one perfect counter to every stupid folk saying that startup-for-brains suit bags love to parrot.
2)
<"We must fail fast"
>"I already did it!"
3)
<"We must have a long tail of offerings"
>"Can we offer focus on our core strengths?"
-3)
<"We must focus on our core strengths"
>"Isn't our core strength 'having a long tail of offerings'?"
4)
<"We must use agile methods"
>"An agile habit does not make an agile monk."
5)
<"We must be flexible and adapt"
>"Is it a law or more of a rule of thumb?"
6)
<"We must avoid bureaucracy"
>"Can I have that in writing?"3 -
Had a little fight with my elder cousin, and he said just because I can Code , does not mean I know everything( made me feel like I'm a genius 😄 ')
We weren't even fighting about coding or related to it...
Then where the hell did that come from !? -
Every company seems to be changing up there logos....well that company did it, I guess we should as well
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When we did a chatbot in my computer science lesson and seeing all the different attempts at it to work around problems1
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I have two stories one as a victim and one as a "hacker"
Victim story: I did an installation on a research center a few years ago and the servers where directly connected to the internet. The next day I did see that someone from China had logged in...i did a clean install immediately.
Hacker story: I did help a friend of mine once for a uni project (lamp/ftp server) . While we were setting up our server, we checked the servers of the students that had finished their project and had them online. We obtained the password for the FTP server (it was available for the teacher to check) so ftped to the machine and there was no jail for the FTP.... I searched for joomla config and found the password for the database...
I leave the rest to your imagination... -
As we all know we have Apple, MS and linux fanboys & girls here. I myself am strongly MS oriented however I like and use Linux too. I have never tried running a virtualized Win10 pro on Linux though. Anyone ever did that? And if so, what did you use to get it working and did it work well? Since my last 2 clients I always work on a VM so that I have a windows VM specifically setup for my client so their config and apps don't mess with my personal dev needs. So I curently run Win10 pro inside hyper v vm on win10 pro. I'd like to experiment and run win 10 pro vm on linux so any suggestions etc are highly appreciated.11
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"You have changed what??? WHY DID YOU CHANGE THAT WHEN WE TOLD YOU NOT TO CHANGE IT!!! " newbie that changed critical process source on a financial system causing havok....5
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So last year in school, we did a project where we had to program a movie collection. So obviously we wrote "cat" a lot, for category.
So late one day, we just named a few variables "dogs" for the hell, then we'd change it back later... We forgot.
Realized it later when we had handed it in, and were defending it at the verbal exam 😂 -
We've been working on a big application on-and-off for the last year (whenever we had time.) It was 99% working, and we left it to work on some other apps. We come back to it, only to find that some big features have magically stopped working. We dig into it and find thT some other dev team completely changed the functionality of one of the existing off-application microservices were utilizing without telling us, and then we had to spend days reverse-engineering what they did so we could retrofit our application to communicate with the microservice again.
We were able to get it fixed, but I just know that they're going to change something else in the future without telling us and it's gonna break again. A little interdepartmental communication would be greeeeaaaat!1 -
Listened my PO talking with client and she explained why we did it the way we did (so the app user flow has more sense) ending the sentence with "... so if you look it that way, this is not a bug, it is a feature!"
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So today we renamed a repo on bitbucket. We changed the remote url on local PCs and kept working. When deploying, our deploying platform threw an error saying invalid repo name, which was expected. Thing is, said platform doesn't have a "change repo remote url" option, so we did it manually over SSH. It didn't work as it now says the bitbucket token is invalid. There is no option to change or set the token. Redeploying will take almost an entire day due to configurations. FML.1
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We used a javascript library before on our project. While reading the documentation, it states that you need to put the ajax response on an .addRow() function in json array.
That was what we did, but it keeps on throwing tons of errors. In the end, we visited our senior dev. Turns out, the function needs an array and not a json array.
I stopped reading documentations since then. And our senior dev stopped talking to us. Hahahajk -
We had programming classes in school today and I was using same computer yesterday but today it wouldn't boot up properly. So what I did is I have just restarted it multiple times and now it works again. I don't know why this happened but if it works I won't question it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯1
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So I am in a computer science class and we had a project. I was in a group of 3 people and since majority rules we were to make a game. However they have never ever done any ui work ever. So I was in charge of coding the entire game. And since they did not know how to use git we had to use Google drive to transfer code. But ling sorry short I switched on them and got an A and they had to redo it on their own.
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had my boss ask me to automate reports on our emails... he wanted me to use google script. the 6min limit was killing me. we needed up sacrificing accuracy and going another route with VBA done by my co worker. I have a meeting next week with my boss's boss about how we did it and I don't know VBA.1
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Best: complain about the security issues we had, later got the green light to fix them
Worst: at an intern my boss asked me to create some shady code... and I did it ... 😅 -
May's last week was very hectic. I had just finished my final exams and there were going to be semester project evaluations in that whole week.
@safiullah and me had decided to make a whole Social Network with all features in it, for the DB course project.
All other classmates were making small management systems like ticket booking and etc.
We thought that if we really wanted to learn DB concepts then we should come up with something different than a management panel.
Hence we did it. This was the first time we used a framework. Well, I had written that PHP framework while i was learning about how frameworks work and the way they are made. So it wasn't a big thing but it was something which could be used as a base for clean and organized code.
It took about a month of commits and pushes and it resulted in a very good social network. It had all the features and algorithms present in a starter social network.
For us students, we were happy to see what a fine job we had done. We learnt a lot and used new concepts.
When we went to the instructor, she asked us to sit down and show the project. @safiullah placed the laptop, and logged out from the social network so that he could show her a demo.
She exclaimed,"Why did you do it (Log out) ?"
He replied: "To show you how it works🤷🏻♂️"
She:"Get to the previous state and leave it"
Then she asked different questions like what was a post request in php and how it differed from get? what library for DB connection was used... etc.
We explained each and every step.
She saw the frontend design and said "You've just added text to the elements" as If we were showing her a theme demo with hard coded text accomplished by inspect element.
She did not take a look at any other page than the one we had shown her at start. She navigated to no other page and asked nothing about what total features were implemented and how they were done?
Then she said Thank You and we left.
After some days marks were uploaded in LMS and we were just two points above the average.
She took no look and gave us the least when our project was the best.
I'm 100 percent sure she thought that we were showing her a project copied from somewhere else. 🤣4 -
Rant about devrant!
Did you know that whatever we post on devrant is available on Google search. Why the hell would you do that devrant. Why can't you keep it private. One of my client caught me ranting about them on devrant. Please keep the posts private as we don't want the entire world to read it.5 -
Fun story
tl;dr; analog FTW!
so we've just had a nice game. A few teams internationally gathered together in the aws gameDay. We had aws accounts set up [one per team] and our goal was to maintain our t2.Micros to deal with incoming load. The higher the latency - the less points we get, the more 5xx - the more points we lose. The more infra we have, the more points we pay for it.
So we are quite new in aws, most of us know aws only in theory. And that's the best part!
So at first we had some steady, mild load incoming. But then bursts came up and we went offline. It's obvious we needed an lb w/ autoscaling. Lb was allright, we did set it up and got back online. We also created an autoscaling group and set it up.
Now what we couldn't figure out is how the f* do we make that group scale automatically, as a response to traffic! So we did what every sane person would do - we monitored LB's stats and changed autoscaling group's config manually 😁
needless to say we won the game w/ 23k points. 2nd place had 9k.
That was fun!3 -
Trying to learn a bizarre custom javascript wrapper that was used to communicate with complex mobile RF devices, the point being was to control them, but damn thing did not work for crap even if you tried hard.
When any of us devs asked the senior "dev" who designed it if there was any documentation on it so we could actually get started on working, he literally told us we sucked ass and that we were pieces of shit that knew nothing of programming.9 -
Android app team project at school. We were creating a vocab trainer app. I did all the work my partner did literally no programming. So I asked her to at least copy some vocab list from our book. I didn't hear anything from her that day. The next day at school she comes to me with a piece of paper in her hand: "Is it ok like that?"
I died -
How the fuck did we went from too little chars for naming, to too many chars, and managed to keep the same fucking lack of sense???
How the fuck is that better?
Before we had 2 letters var names, and now we have to scroll right to read them, and it still has no fucking direct meaning!!!!
How the fuck createMongoServerClientConnection is a good fucking name?!?!?!?! It has no fucking meaning!!!!15 -
deploying the apps in production...
Devs: i'm confident enough that i can do this. Docker? wtf, i know how to do it.
after successfully deploy in production, 30 minutes later...
Devs: Hey, team lead. I can't access the DB, why?
Team Lead: what? why? what did you do?
Devs: I just successfully deploy in production using the tutum interface deploy button.
Team Lead: Did you uncheck to deploy the DB again?
Devs: Thinking.... hmmmmm No?
Team Lead: Opppsss, that's good. We can't eat our lunch until we fix it. We need to deploy the db back-up again.
Devs: Did I delete the db?
Team Lead: No? probably not you? LOL's
Devs: But who?
Team Lead: It's tutum but it's your mistake to unchecked to redeploy the db before you deploy the apps :D
DevOps / Software Engineer => IT -
In the middleschool we have teacher who wasn't very skilled. We were learning about copying files, creating folders, writing in word...
So me and my frend were bored and do other stuff, talk loud and joking.
Teacher than got angry at us and want to punish as. So he made us show, how to creat new folder in explorer. Thinking we would know.
Me and my frend did it in sec. He just stood there in silence and didn't know what to do. We continue to do other stuff. -
Had the best team building day today.
So it happens that 5 of us have Oculus Quest’s 2. We stayed after worked, ordered bunch of pizza’s and played Population One. We didn’t plan this, neither did we called it a team building event, but essentially it was.
Damn, I love my current company setting.2 -
Got called on company phone while being in home office. Somehow through VPN + RDP session it got routed to my laptop, but connection was really bad and we could hardly understand each other, i.e. I had to guess that it even was a recruiter.
Guy however was really nice, but I failed the interview to a job I did not really want. -
These days I now spend more time each week fucking about with Docker and VMs than I ever did when we were setting up the local environments ourselves.
I love the concept of Docker, but it seems to create more problems than it solves.2 -
Did it ever happen to you that you were needed to map a mental and overly complex for no reason db schema to a simple json, and you hate yourself more every key you press because rewriting it more efficiently and simply is never an option?
How do you cope with managers and legacy code?
If it works does not necessarily mean that we should keep it, jesus christ.2 -
Needed to help a friend with her Bachelor Thesis. She writes in Javascript and needs to synchronously use the result of a postgresql query. The query call is asynchronous.
We did what any person that searches for a dirty solution would do.
We saved the result of a query in a file and load the file when we need it.
Why is Javascript a thing?6 -
Oh! Damn No No Nooooo
Our team was working on upgrading our infrastructure for PCI Compliance for two months. Did all assesments and testing and waiting for long approvals. Finally, we finished all upgradation smoothly.
After we submitted our report to Infrastructure and that guy comes with Audit reports stating that the PCI Compliance requirements has changed.
And we were like we just upgraded a few hours and how come it changed. And we have to the whole job again. Just want to flip tables now.1 -
Special work area meeting. Partners from around the globe came in. Call in or you flew in. Close enough, have to attend in person. Hundreds of people there. Starts at 9, broke at noon, picked back up at 1, ended at 6. Focus? Improving sales. About 98% of the people there did not make sales. About 70% did not work on bids and proposals. It was extremely painful and boring. And my project manager didn't know why we were so upset the next day. It had been extremely "informative" to her.1
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!rant
"This vendor system is broken and we need the data in its DB. Here's a report used to use from it. Build a new report in SSRS that we can use to pull out all the records."
+1 day tearing apart their data warehouse to find where things are.
+1 day duplicating their sample report
"Well, you did a good job duplicating what we had, but we want something that will pull every single bit of possibly related information that's in the system, and not just what was on the report we gave you."
ffs!1 -
(not really a *dev* rant)
I hate it when I get an email with the following sentence:
"We appreciate your patience and kind understanding regarding this matter."
When did I freaking imply that I'm patient?! You just decided that I am and sent this... 😡 -
I just had a ptsd (not real ptsd) attack cause I remembered in one of my first jobs we had gulp, grunt AND webpack to build our angularjs project.
Did I fix that mess? Sure!
Will the memory of it stalk me until new year? Absolutely.1 -
We have an unit test that tests the average of a sequence of numbers generated randomly using a gaussian distribution. Of course it fails from time to time, it's random! Failing to fail, would mean that the generator is not generating random numbers, therefore failure means success, but success does not mean failure.
Wait, why did we add this test in the first place?rant gaussian distribution statistics random of course it fails it's random bitches normal fail equals success unit test -
We are currently debugging the most ridiculous issue. We have an eForm embedded in a native iOS app, and in the iOS 11 beta, every time we tap a dropdown list it takes 4 taps to dismiss it because it keeps reappearing. The final time it reappears with no data in it. The dropdowns are generated by Safari. We have replaced the Safari native dropdowns with a custom view and now the issue doesn't occur. What the hell Apple? What change did you make to Safari to cause such a random issue in a web view?
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Taught my wife the first lesson in real world programming:
She had to do some python homework and it was already late night. Task was to apply several filters to a csv. So we did the good ol' STRG+C.
Am I a horrible person or my programming corrupted from within?4 -
This was a project for school, we had to simulate an app that traced bus routes over a map.
All the teams but mine do it in Java (desktop app), we took another approach and did it on Android with the Maps API.
I had fun coding a parser, this parser job was to read a file and load the bus routes and draw them on the map.
It was structured like:
NAME
COLOR
<lat, long>
<lat, long>
The fun part was coding and telling my teammates "chill out, it will work", so we finished, built and run and... done! First code working smooth AF.
I know it's a simple parser and a simple app, but it was a nice feeling not having to debug the app.1 -
I work at startup we have CEO, CMO, COO, CFO, but the guy who hired for CTO prefer to be called IT Director (came from corporate), he always busy checkin wifi problem, also he always prefer calendar using whiteboard (did he know google calendar exists?).
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If a developer made a database design choice (too short field length) 3 years ago on a project, should the development studio or customer be expected to fit the bill for any time taken to fix.
It was only small so we did it for free, but I just wandered what's the norm?12 -
Oh good, I get to clean up somebody's else shit because we have to deploy it in a fucking hour. Why the hell did we have our fresh junior do it then?
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My team decided to do a MOB programming in one of our tickets.
New joiner: Perfect we did a mob yesterday .
Me: Great, that's good. How did it go?
New joiner: Well, we work together in the gaming room next to each other and trying to solve the issue. I think it's very productive.
Me: Awesome! Let's do it again today... When we started the MOB, all of them are using their own laptop. And I was like.. so, this is how you did the MOB yesterday?
New guy: Yes.
Me: This is not a MOB programming... MOB programming uses only 1 screen, 1 driver and everyone work together, will tell the driver what to do, we need to exchange the driver every 10 to 15 minutes, everyone can be a driver. (devs, qa, ux, product) and do a retro after.
New guy: ah.. wow! Interesting.3 -
Few months ago, I had to do a project group in uni. The spec was horrible and very easy for someone who already know how to program, so I try to put this project into a higher level. Make a framework for it, spend night programming, make it in full ajax. Used bootstrap to make it pretty, used Jquery and animation. Anyway, me and my team were very happy about what we did, and what we learned when we made it.
Result ? Practically the lowest grade, because it was to complicated...FML -
!rant
I did just talk with a client because they tried to analyse some data we send and they fucked up. the client told me they can't fix it because they cnat access the data because they have a divious virus. xD you're the god damn IT department of a pretty big company. wtf? really how?1 -
Don't know why but I prefer to work/code on linux. It pissed me off when we had to work on windows on java and C labs on uni. On first data bases lab we got linux machines and the first thing we did was starting windows VMs...
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!rant
Just wanted to get back to my last rant on here: https://devrant.com/rants/1617720/...
So, even though the team still is slimming down we actually did manage to get the two applications live by the deadline. It took my saturday and a lot of hard work, but we managed to pull it off somehow. I'm so happy :)1 -
Today we trunkated a table with 15 milion keywords for our search engine. It did feel very scary... With @Jappe and @hahaha1234
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I love it!
So I want to understand an new library, to get rid of some functions that are expected to cause some trouble in our main product. Luckily someone did a great job on github, providing a programm that can do what I want in a slightly different, more complicated way. But it is good and we need it anyway.
But instead of understanding the things I wanted to learn, somehow my test programm just didnt work. It just didnt want to. I DID EVERYTHING THE SAME I ALWAYS DID. Without implementing anything new. And it didnt throw any error, debugging showed me what i already knew, BUT NOTHING HAPPEND.
Wasted the day, tried everything, learned nothing.
BTW its written in C, so my error is definitely some tiny dumb shit, that i was too stupid to see... -
One of my Computer Science modules this year revolved around completing a team project, and one person in the team basically fucked it up for all of us in the last minute.
We had to create a simple task management app for a fictional company, the university did not care about how the program looked and all that mattered was if the app is functional or not. The app relied heavily on a database, so all we basically had to do was get, modify, and add data from a database. Now this person did his part of the programming, but with an outdated database model and did not even test his code as he said MySQL wasn't working on his home computer.
2 days before the final deadline is when we decided to merge everything together in the git repo (as that's when the rest of us finished our tasks), and that's when we found out none of his code worked. We then spent the next 48 hours with little sleep to try our best to fix everything, but unfortunately due to his tasks carrying a majority of the complexity of the program we couldn't fix it all in time and we ended up losing roughly 50% of the marks.
This all probably could have been avoided if one person in the team did look at his git branch properly, but this person was the programming lead of the project and didn't ask for any help at any point until the last moment when we merged everything together. Oh well though, at least I've learnt better for the next team project that I do2 -
I somehow highly doubt the effectiveness of this treatment... if it did work I'm pretty sure we would all have baby faces with the amount of RF signals we're exposed to in a day. Do you think there is any legitimacy to this claim?4
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"How about we don't do it this way because I have undone what you did and have redone it in a stupid way and if we have to do it the correct way we'll have to undo MY work, so let's just keep it like it is, ok?"
Really? And one of your arguments is "because it's working now", bitch it was working before, you just didn't read my code.
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt though, I don't think you did this on purpose, you were tired yesterday, I get it. But still, could've talked to me before deleting all my code.
I'm not that mad though, I got paid the same and still found a nice pattern I can use on my own future projects, it just won't be used at work. -
Do you ever think about the fact that computer science is based on binary operations not because it is.easier or because we are "so smart" but because our still primitive knowledge of physics did not allow us to find a material and build reliable gates with multiple states and so we are.stuck with the "open-close" thingy?
Is it me or does it look like we are not that smart?6 -
This got me fucked up. Listen yo.
So we have this issue on our modal right. The issue keeps poppin. It's a hotfix because its in prod. So my senior and I were on it. After a few hours, I showed him the part of the code that is buggy. It's 50 lines of code of nested if-else, else-if. And so we're still fighting it. He redid everything since we're using angular2 he did a subject, behavior-subject all that bs and I was still trying to understand what's the bug, because it's happening on the second click and so I did my own thing and found the cause bug and showed it to him, its this:
setTimeout( () => {}, 0)
the bootstrap-modal doesn't allow async inside it (I dont why, its in the package). So he explained to me why it's there. So I did my own thing again and find a workaround which I did, a one-line of angular property, showed it to him he didn't accept it because we'll still have to redo it with subjects and he was on it. I said ok. Went back to my previous issue. The director came in and ask for a fixed, my senior came up to me and told me to push my fix. Alright no problem. So we good now. Went back to our thing bla bla bla, then got an email that we will have a meeting, So we went, bla bla bla. The internal team wants a support for mobile, senior said no problem bla bla bla, after the meeting he approaches me and said (THIS IS WHERE IT GOT FUCKED UP) we wont be supporting bootstrap4 anymore because of the modal issue and since we're going to support mobile and BOOTSTRAP4 grid system is NONINTUITIVE we are moving to material design because the grid system is easier. I was blown away man. we have more than 100 components and just because of that modal and mobile support shit he decided to abandon bootstrap. Mater of fact its the modal its his code. I'm not expert in frontend but I looked at the material design implementation its the same thing other than the class names. OHHH LAWD!3 -
Had to add some affiliate JS with a fallback pixel. Put it between noscript tags since thats what the fallback is meant for.
Affiliate Guy: did you implement the fallback?
Me: Did you turn of javascript?
AG: I've just talked to our developers, they say we can't turn of javascript or something
Me: <headdesk>
Are these people retarded -
implementing ticket from epic somebody else did breakdown on
someone from other team mentions that we should be getting approval from their team and preferably avoid doing stuff in this legacy repo
im just a code monkey, i didn't make the decision (or know the nuances around it), nor did i want to be in that old legacy repo
pain
i didnt know, i dont know what i dont know,
how do i do better next time...3 -
About 20 hours. We had a major campaign for a product launch back in the days when MSN Messenger was awesome. Hitting F5 in MS sql query analyzer to execute query again would show like 20K+ downloads each time, shit was crazy. Then we discovered a major fuck up. Turned out that someone made a mistake by making a guid static. In a personalized content generator. So, most users ended up with someone else's face inside their personalized MSN Messenger wink. Oops... and no, we didn't do code reviews nor TDD back then so we didn't discover it sooner. It was really awesome to see how much traffic MS could generate by just showing a banner in hotmail. Real crazy. Anyway, we fixed it, discovery of the actual problem did take some time though.
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Why did the computer go to the doctor? Was it feeling a bit poorly? No, it had a virus. It turns out even computers aren't immune to catching something nasty. I mean, can you imagine a world where even the machines are getting sick? Oh wait, we already live in that world - it's called Windows.4
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Used to get really mad at the testing team every time before a production deploy. They only tested the developments that same day, and still I wasn't sure they did a good job. Sometimes they asked for an extra "feature", so we entered into speed-coding mode. Got used to it.1
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When I was in college i did a software devlopment course. We learned was VB but it inspired me and a buddy to continue to program. Currently learning Java and C#
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Working for a little SharePoint-Company while studying.
Have to hunt bugs.
Found a major bug which kills one of our customers SharePoint-Site completely because of code pasta.
Told my supervisor about the bug and reported it.
"yeh. we will fix it now"
2h later they started to go live.
"Did you fix the bug?"
"No. Wanted to have the system live asap."
On my way home I got a call.
"We need you back here in the office"
"Why?"
"It crashed. Is not reachable anymore. Help fixing it"
fuck off -
Aww Alexander why did you delete ur rant? Did you not want people to see my comment about how me and the boys run a train on your dad every two weeks? I mean I get it, it’s tough to see your dad in the hospital. But you got to let him know that moisturizing is REALLY important. Me and the boys are like gorillas, and we don’t have a safe word.20
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Work prank i want to pull of....
We kind of did all of it🤗😂
Wanted to put a bull horn under my co workers table. We did actually do it and made a video of it.
Have never stopped crying from laughs🤗
If you can’t have fun then why bother!?!?1 -
Well we have android P now and as much as navigation gestures are better than in the dev previews, can confirm it still feels horrible in comparison to the iPhone X, everything else did great though!1
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Copied from Plataformatec/Devise OSS project issue
"Right, I was following the wiki. I don't know how, but it magically started working. Not sure what did it, but it's working now! Thanks."
We know his struggle! -
Hey guys ! What did you change in this 2.0 version of the app ?
Ah nothing, google didn't let us to build it if We didn't change it before 😅 -
One of the more memorable friends through coding is a guy I met at 9am at what had to be an early lecture with 150+ students. We were both following it as part of a minor but the only ones there: we apparently didn't get the message that it was cancelled because we were no majors...
We decided to just work on the group assignment because why not and became friends.
Little did we know that we had already met dozens of times (but never really talked) the two years before as we are both members of the same students association, only strengthening the bond!
Sometimes not receiving a notice of cancellation is not that bad... -
If we really try to reinvent the wheel, and if we did that successfully, I bet it will be 2x better than at least all the unfancy stuff in the dev-market
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Professor who never stood up from her chair during any of our lectures and read directly from her powerpoint. When it came to projects, she would deduct points because there was something we didn't implement BUT it wasn't in the specifications or in her instructions.
We did not enjoy or learn from her. -
Last saturday, the CEO forced us to update one of the services that we are dependent out without any tests... The people responsible for it very much advised against it but they still did it.
Now, nearly a week later. The literal core feature is still broken with no fix in sight and rolling back is not possible apparently.1 -
Did you go to a coding boot camp? Which one? Was it a success? In what ways specifically? Can we see your portfolio? Are you happy?14
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Was talking about jokes in general at work today. Asked someone if they knew about jokes where you read something out loud. Ended up having them read this aloud:
We Todd did
Eye yam we Todd did
Eye yam sofa king we Todd did
Some people don't get it even when read aloud. Afterwards I thought: eye yam sew hymn mat tour
Edit: Oh, we could get people to read this to their dev duck. lol2 -
Did 2 leetcodes today. (will be more in future)
https://leetcode.com/problems/...
I remember I did something similar. The idea is that converting single letter to number, so sum2 - sum1 = the_added_letter
https://leetcode.com/problems/...
Don't know how to do it, so copy the answer. (I copy the answers most of the time) The idea is that on the same level, we sum the left or keep going down to left. For right, we just go down there. Little trick is that we use root.left.left or root.left.right.2 -
What alternative do you use for EF Migrations?
We are in current stage that it's slowing our build time for 30 seconds, and each month we need to clean them and do the same for the whole pipeline (dev, qa, prod)...
It's way uncomfortable to work with it since we have stored procedures and ef doesn't track them...
What alternative did you chose to use?1 -
I confess, I did a trolling today.
Kinda deployed staging in production today. Nothing happened, but the fact that it stayed there for an hour.
Why so long? Because gitlab would ratelimit the CI would and prevent it from executing for an hour straight and AWS was also a jockster by capping the download of the image to <1MB, so we couldn't even retag it -
What if instead of vertical slices across front end and back end for dividing work, we did horizontal slices and hope we don't do redundant work, miscommunicate or struggle to provide front end precisely what it needs from back end if at all.
fuck me -
--'...This is conscience, Brain, report...'
--'This is brain here, we seem to be having a problem restarting the cognition drives in the frontal lobes... Any suggestions would be great...'
--'Try kicking them...'
--'Tried that...'
--'Did you go and try the release valves...?'
--'Um,no... we didn't... Trying that now... IT WORKED!'
--'Good job brain... Now shut up and think!'
--'Yes, sir!' -
Do we have people here who have a successful IT company?
If yes, I would like to hear your stories.
How you came up with it?
How was the beginning?
What were the struggles and how did you fix them?
How did you get your first client?
How long did it take you?5