Last year I built the platform 'Tindex'. It was an index of Tinder profiles so people could search by name, gender and age.

We scraped the Tinder profiles through a Tinder API which was discontinued not long ago, but weird enough it was still intact and one of my friends who was also working on it found out how to get api keys (somewhere in network tab at Tinder Online).

Except name, gender and age we also got 3 distances so we could calculate each users' location, then save the location each 15 minutes and put the coordinates on a map so users of Tindex could easily see the current location of a specific Tinder user.

Fun note: we also got the Spotify data of each Tinder user, so we could actually know on which time and which location a user listened to a specific Spotify track.

Later on we started building it out: A chatbot which connected to Tinder so Tindex users could automatically send a pick up line to their new matches (Was kinda buggy, sometimes it sent 3 pick up lines at ones).

Right when we started building a revenue model we stopped the entire project because a friend of ours had found out that we basically violated almost all terms.

Was a great project, learned a lot from it and actually had me thinking twice or more about online dating platforms.

Below an image of the user overview design I prototyped. The data is mock-data.

We got a binary clock at our trainstation. I love it, but most of the people think it's wasted money because they can't read it.

Wife: I got a Roomba for Christmas!

Dev Husband: oh.

Dev Husband *hours later* : Did you know it has an MQTT interface accessible over IP? I already wrote a NodeJS app to track if we need to empty the bin.

I was getting bored and my salary had not changed for over a year. Answered a few headhunters' messages. Got an interview. Then - the second one. Got an offer with >2x the salary I was getting back then. I said I'll think about it

Came back to my office after that interview. 5 minutes later I got an outlook invitation for a performance review with my manager, scheduled for tomorrow.

During the review he appologised he had overlooked the fact that my promo and salary had to be bumped up a while ago. We had a nice chat [he is an amasing manager! I've learnt so much from him...] and he offered a 50% salary bump. There I go and reveal that I got an offer yesterday with 100% higher amount of € and asked if we could meet in the middle. He agreed :)

I was offered a lot and I asked for even more. And I got it! :) I've agreed to a 75% bump because I really like working here. It's an amazing employer.

Shit... I just got my phone stolen. Realized it 40 seconds post factum [left it at the shop counter and someone took it].
20 minutes later called the police [cuz I had to get home and use wife's phone].
5 min later poluce arrived
10 min later they got all they could from shop's security officer.
Police officer asks me to login my samsung acc on his phone. 2 minutes later we are on the way to the exact location my phone is at.
15 minutes later officer hands me my samsung 😁

got my phone back in less than an hour after theft.

maybe... Ummm... Maybe all this tracking thing is not that bad...?

We got a sever with two Intel Xeon E5520 processors and each processor has 8 cores and 2.27GHz.
Also the server has 36Gb of internal memory.
What do we do with it? We play Solitair 😎

May I interrupt your scrolling for an important message:

WE GOT IT, Y' ALL HATE GRADLE

carry on

At my study in the first year we had a Linux course and at the end we would all be graded.

Everyone was nervous as fuck except for me.

We had to go in one by one and everyone came back with this 'well that was damn close' face. Apparently the teacher was quite strict.

Then it was my turn.

It took about half an hour and we did the following:

- talk about Linux and the philosophy behind it
- talk about compiling programs
- talk about Linux servers
- talk about what distro's we'd used
- talk about DE's and which ones we preferred

- actual grading/showing my assignments: 'nah I believe you, you'll get a good mark!'

So I basically got the best mark with hardly showing anything because the teacher knew I could do it and rather just had an interesting convo with me 😁

Hello beautiful. Finally got fiber installed. For my girlfriend and me. Not that we really need it... But you know...

(Wifi reaches up to 170 on 5Ghz)

Got a great boss!!;

Me: Hey, do we have a corporate GitHub account?
Boss: *excitedly* do we need it? We'll get it!
Me: uhh, yeah, we need it 😉

Don't care he doesn't know what it is, got his trust to get all the right tools!

Today we got the following (approximately, don't remember it literally) error message on a windows server:

Please turn on your computer. Updates can't be installed while your system is turned off.

Genuinely; de WUT?!

First internship (ranted about it before).

- Had to google translate their entire internal crm.
- pointed out major security flaws and got a speech saying that "I shouldn't think so high of myself and I didn't have the fucking right to criticize their products"
- every time the boss came to the office after a failed sales presentation, we (interns) got called the most nasty stuff. Yes. We didn't have anything to do with that at all.
- I had "hygiene issues": window to the south with 35-40 degrees (Celsius) feeling temperature and no airco. Deo didn't really make a difference but wasn't allowed to use it there anyways. Details: I have a transpiration issue so I sweat shitloads more than other people, that didn't help at all.
- nearly got fired because I had to to to the doctor in company time for a serious health issue.
- was (no kidding) REQUIRES to use internet explorer and we were monitored constantly.

Self esteem dropped through the fucking ground there.

My company contracted a 3rd party to do an internal system for us...
We only knew about it when it was almost done and we got the code... Oooooo boy.... What a fucking shit they did and got paid for...

They have a encryptPassword() and decryptPassword() functions...

What they do you may ask?
Well...

Encrypt: for loop that reverse the string and base64 it 5 times...

Decrypt: the opposite...

That's how they store passwords....

Our intern snapped at a company meeting when they where talking about maintaining it 😂😂

7 years of "learning" "IT" at school...
What have I learned: Excel, Word, PowerPoint....
School started. I got the new book and we are doing more than MS Office!

We are making a website
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With Wix!!!!!!???!?!!?!!
Fuck me!

Had a former customer call a few (10) years ago, furious that we shut down their website.

Me: but you moved your website to another provider 2 years ago? We dont even provide webhosting any more?

Turns out, when they moved we put a redirect to their new site on our server.

During the summer this server was decommisoned due to a failing harddrive but since we no longer had any active customers on it we just pulled the plug.

The customer had never actually redirected their domain name. :)

When we sent them a copy of their own cancellation letter we got an "oh hell, sorry".

:D

Me: we only got 40 minutes notice that we had to stay in late for a meeting with the USA team. Can we politely ask them to give us like a days notice in future? I can’t just stay late at any time, neither can the guys with kids to collect.

Manager: oh ok. I’m very sorry this has affected you. Here, let me explain why this is going to keep happening and you’ll need to deal with it.

We could say I'm kind of a sticker man. (I got more unused in a bag, that's an addiction)

And yes, devrant stickers are on it, they are among the first I put on this door 😊

First rant.

Managing an app in Canada, came back home to Thailand to visit my parents.

No deployments while you're gone, just bug fixes, boss said.

Landed at 3am, "hey I know we only support desktop but we got new customers only on iPad, make it responsive in a day and deploy." Wtf.

Haven't even seen my parents. In Starbucks.

Got a PR that I had to approve named "projectfix_new". Told the person that we shouldn't use names such as "new" or "old" but it was OK this time. Later got a new PR named "projectfix_newer".

I can not believe this. We got GIGABIT Internet!!

It feels like a freaking dream.!!!

Even though I'm a web developer I work in a very small IT department, which includes just me and my colleague.

Yesterday we got a pretty usual request. Someone forgot the password to an excel file. We already started a brute force attack, but we had some fun going through the worst passwords we ever stubbled over in our carrier.

He was like:"Maybe it's just his name?"

Me: "Oooh or maybe it's just the brand and 123?"

We laughed a lot. Not really considering we could crack this "important" file.

But it really worked out. The password was the brand of the business unit and "2017".

I've sent everthing back to the user, telling him exactly how we cracked it... His answer was:"Oh yeah! I knew it was something easy, so me and x could remember it easily!"

...

Why do you forgive easy passwords anyway? If I can crack it within 5 minutes... Everyone can! ...

And if you do it to "remember it easily"? Why the fuck don't you remember it?

Got invited to a "roundtable", where we will discuss email security and the future and direction of where it is going.
Only 10 people in Sweden got a chair

I feel exclusive but also scared that they will find out what a noob I am lol

Do you also like the idea, if devRant would have patreon or paypal for donations?

++ the rant if you like the idea. Maybe @dfox and @trogus will consider it then 😄

Servers are not cheap and it would be great if the community would finance itself.

Sure devRant got a Store, but I live in Europe and ordering/shipping is not so cheap, we got huge taxes for it. And I dont wont to order a stressball or sticker every month.

Also every dev wishes for a beer 🍺 😜

Had this with a relative. His laptop wasn't turning on, with or without charger so he brought it back to the store to fix it. It ran elementary os by the way (detail for later). Then he got it back after a week and we booted it and it had windows 8 installed (wtf indeed). So we called the service desk to ask about it since the issue was a broken charger (!!!). Their reply: oh yeah there was a weird system installed on it so we thought we'd reset it as well for you.

SERIOUSLY, THAT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB!!

He is not tech savvy and he didn't know much about backups so that was literally about one year of work GONE. Yeah, I setup a cloud backup sync thingy for him right after that.

You know I once played in a band? It was called 1023 megabytes, but we never got a gig.

We got married and started our relationship at 1.0. After our first argument, we managed to patch things up, so it wouldn't all break down: 1.0.1
Same night, I suggested a sexy new feature, and we worked up a good sweat implementing it together.
I got too excited and released prematurely: 1.1.0
After that, she was a bit cross, but then I suggested a hotfix. She agreed and got right on top of it. After a few minutes she finished and managed a release as well: 1.1.1 😏

we had this guy once, who we gave access to our private repo. everything's all good until we noticed that our amazon bill was USD 8,000+!!! we found out that lots of servers got created and that's bec. this guy forked our private repo and his fork was a public one. our keys were still not in .env files and were part of the commit so some bot got hold of it and accessed our amazon account. we suspected that the servers were used for bitcoin mining. anyway guy was fired on the spot and we also learned our lesson to keep keys out of repos.

this one time my coworker was having a hard time debugging a javascript function so he set it to alert("kill me pls") and that somehow got into production.

we recieved many support emails from concerned customers that day

Yesterday, the whole dev team went out to lunch and we ate a lot and we drank a lot until we all got drunk! Since we are paid for the number of hours we work, we all decided to go back to the office and work.

WE WERE DRUNK WORKING! Drunk coding ftw

Result: The server is down right now because someone fucked it up and I think i ruined my code yesterday because I wasn't really myself. The whole team was crazy as fuck. One of us just came back from Poland so we were drunk and high from all the polish chocolate we ate.

I hope they fix the server so I can check what kind of bullshit the drunken me did yesterday o.O

everyone in class was so silent when suddenly one guy pops up and says:

" 'TROJAN' VIRUS? I got it! you know? the trojan horse and shit?"

we all laughed
not because of him just realizing it now

but because we all slapped our faces at the same time, it was kinda funny.

I was interviewed for a gaming studio, when I showed them my hobby projects for play testing we encountered a bug, convinced them it was feature and put on my best poker face.

Boy was I shocked when I got hired.

Customer calls since they got problem x
C: Hey its xyz we got a problem
Me: hey what's it About?
C: <explains problem pretty poorly>
Me: uuuuuh.. I've written it down and look to fix it as soon as possible
C: why? Just TURN OFF the problem

No. This is not how it works. This is not how any of this works.

"dude let's do 418 pages"
"sure"
"where do we put it though"
"I got an idea"

I got my first own office... We did it. We just painted our mini Iranian office in two nights and we about to code it,has 5 min distance to our college and it's a golden opportunity to work and study at the same time.

Our own company website. Everyone got involved, the process broke down, and because all of management and company owners were participating- it was nearly impossible to get anything done.

We are our own worst client.

Today while livecoding in lecture, my prof got a call that got shown on his Mac. His response to that was very interesting:
“Has anyone else noticed that phones have gotten so advanced that when we receive a phone call we treat it almost like a DOS attack? It impairs is from doing everything that’s secondary to making and taking phone calls and that pisses us off”

If a colleague went to a conference and checked their laptop with their luggage, you would think it would get stolen. Nope, it came back like this. It worked out really well for them, they got a new laptop and we all got a good laugh out of it.

Worked 8 hours on a feature to send attachments from our system (A) to another (B) via B's API. Perfect code, yet I couldn't make it work. B's API has full and extensive documentation for said feature. Contacted B to ask about it, got reply: "Oh yeah - we havent enabled that yet but thought it was handy to have it ready in the docs"

FML

HR manager: we just realized we underpaid you a lot in the last 4 years, for all the job you are doing. You'll get 30% pay rise from now on.

Outer Me: thanks, great!
Inner Me: ....shit...

I got the raise, I looked for another job and found it in 4 months. 60% pay raise, better role.

In response to the picture I posted of my boss's wiring, we got a new switch today and he cleaned it up a bit.

Woop woop! See what we got in office 🙌🏼 Magento devs can relate it better 😁

Can we talk about changelogs for a second?

Almost every major app in the play store has changelogs like "Improving your experience" or "We did some changes to enhance your experience".
Wtf is this bullshit. Is it that hard to write the actual changes in the changelogs so that I know what got changed, huh?
Guess its kinda hard to write " We are shoving more telemetry crap down your throat" in a changelog.

Fuck sake.

WannaCry hit one of our server and the latest backup we had was from May 2017. You know who got blamed? Developers. I repeatedly told the General Manager that SysAdmin are the once who should be doing backups, Server updates and management as per their job description yet we got blamed for it.

I don't know what the fuck is going in this world.

Well, just remembered a fuck up one of my friends and me did. Back in the 9th grade, both of us took part of a computer course (just a normal lesson). He got me into programming. So after half a year we "hacked" into the school server. Tbh it was quite simple. The server did a backup each week in a specific folder. The problem was, the backup file had no proper rights set. Everyone had access to it. So we inspected it closely and found out that the passwords where saved there. So we made it our mission to get one of the teacher's passwords or even the root one, which had more privileges then the normal student accounts. After about 2 days we managed to crack one of them (using a hash table available for download). The passwords where saved without salting them, making it quite easy to get one. Now we were sitting there, having access to a teacher's account. So we logged in and tried to figure out what to do next. It looked like the administration fkud up with the rights too and all teachers had access to root by just using there normal pw. Well, the Grand final is coming. We put a script into the startup of the server (which restarted at 4:30 AM each Friday). The only line that was written in it was "./$0|./$0&"

We never got caught. And it was a heck of fun ^^

The year was 2021 and we have to implement X
Alice, the manager: let's do this and this
Me: actually that won't scale, I did the same in my previous company. Here's an analysis on why it doesn't scale
Alice: nope, we'll have to do it like that. If it doesn't scale we'll fix it. It's a learning opportunity.
The feature was rolled out, and we got tons of alerts after 1 week.
Alice: haha what a ride! At least the team learned something new
Me: I didn't learn anything new. All I got was stress and disrupted sleep because of those midnight incidents...

Then 2022 came, Alice was promoted thanks to the incredible leadership to deliver X, I joined a different project, a part of this project is to implement Y, similar to X.
Bob, the manager: let's do this and this
Me: actually that won't scale, I did the same in my previous project. Here's an analysis on why it doesn't scale, you can ask Alice if you want.
Bob: nope, we'll have to do it like that. If it doesn't scale we'll fix it. It's a learning opportunity.
The feature was rolled out, and we got tons of alerts after 1 week.
Bob: haha what a ride! At least the team learned something new
Me: I didn't learn anything new. All I got was stress and disrupted sleep because of those midnight incidents...

It's 2023 now, Bob got promoted thanks to the awesome leadership to roll out Y, I joined another project, which requires us to develop Z, similar to X and Y.
Chris, the manager: let's do this and this
Me: ah shit here we go again...

We got an HTC Vive from my girlfriend’s brother two weeks ago. We’ve been enjoying it, playing games, looking at places to move, using it as a virtual vacation (since we haven’t left the house in months thanks to covid and sweltering heat), etc. It’s been amazing.

Today, my 1yo decided it would be great fun to wrap its cord in the exercise bike and spin the pedals (and therefore flywheel) as fast as he could. It ripped the headset band off, broke the plastic attachment, and tore the cables out. He also broke the pedal somehow.

So no more Vive.

We can probably get it fixed, but.
My heart hurts.

Could you imagine if each ++ you got in devRant was equal to a bitcoin?

Maybe we should make our own community currency. We can call it rantCoin.

This is something that happened 2 years ago.

1st year at uni, comp sci.

Already got project to make some app for the univ that runs in android, along with the server

I thought, omg, this is awesome! First year and already got something to offer for the university 😅
(it's a new university, at the time I was the 2nd batch)

Team of 12, we know our stuffs, from the programming POV, at least, but we know nothing about dealing with client.

We got a decent pay, we got our computers upgraded for free, and we even got phones of different screen sizes to test out our apps on.

No user requirement, just 2-3 meetings. We were very naive back then.

2 weeks into development, Project manager issues requirement changes

we have a meeting again, discussing the important detail regarding the business model. Apparently even the univ side hadn't figure it out.

1 month in the development, the project manager left to middle east to pursue doctoral degree

we were left with "just do what you want, as long as it works"

Our projects are due to be done in 3 months. We had issues with the payment, we don't get paid until after everything's done. Yet the worse thing is, we complied.

Month 3, turns out we need to present our app to some other guy in the management who apparently owns all the money. He's pleased, but yet, issued some more changes. We didn't even know that we needed to make dashboard at that time.

The project was extended by one month. We did all the things required, but only got the payment for 3 months.

Couldn't really ask for the payment of the fourth month since apparently now the univ is having some 'financial issues'.

And above all: Our program weren't even tested, let alone being used, since they haven't even 'upgraded' the university such that people would need to use our program as previously planned.

Well, there's nothing to be done right now, but at least I've learned some REALLY valuable lesson:

1. User Requirement is a MUST! Have them sign it afterwards, and never do any work until then. This way, change of requirements could be rejected, or at least postponed

2. Code convention is a MUST! We have our code, in the end, written in English and Indonesian, which causes confusion. Furthermore, some settle to underscore when naming things, while other chooses camel case.

3. Don't give everyone write access to repository. Have them pull their own, and make PR later on. At least this way, they are forced to fix their changes when it doesn't meet the code convention.

4. Yell at EVERYONE who use cryptic git commit message. Some of my team uses JUST EMOTICONS for the commit message. At this point, even "fixes stuffs" sound better.

Well, that's for my rant. Thanks for reading through it. I wish some of you could actually benefit from it, especially if you're about to take on your first project.

THE WORST PRANK ATTEMPT

If i remember true, it was 2012. april fool day..

me and my co-worker (we were the founders) decided to fool our members (we had a script's unofficial support forum). so, we did the plan. we register another account on march and wrote a few useful messages with it. help guys with that fake account (named as Root).

on fool day, we move the site to hidden folder (but didnt backup it) and added an index file as "hi, i am Root. you know me who am i. i hacked this site and deleted all dbs. cya later" (in turkish of course)

and we sit our chairs, began the watch our messages from facebook,skype,whatsapp etc..

we act like we are in trouble and we cant solve the problem.
at the same time, one of the our crew, decided to help us :D
so, he contact with our server's management crew. they dont know the fool too :)

server management looked up the situation without try to contact with me or my co. and we got an email from server like that
"hello tilkibey and impack, we just realized your site is hacked. so we delete your all ftp and db for safety. please contact with us asap"

we shocked and contact with them, explain the truths and request the recover our site (because we though they backup site before deleting all things). but they didnt backup it :(

so, we recover our last backup which is got nearly 10 days ago :(

Had to get an app moved to a new test server “ASAP”. Got it done, emailed the tester, got the response “Great! We will start testing middle of next month.” Why is my side the only one that needs to rush?

PM: Oh, i got news about project xyz.

Me: Oh good, are we finally dropping support for that shity legacy system?

PM: No you gotta make a copy of it and convert all the currency symbols and add a bunch of new features, we selling it to a new client.

'Twas a fun day today...
Construction workers cut into the fiber line to a medium sized company this morning. We got the splicer guy on site quickly, but it is going to take a while, because the whole cable needs to be extended a bit in order to repair it. We got the company online through a LTE modem for the repair duration. Oh and also had to set up VPN on all PCs to connect to their server in our datacenter. A fun day indeed.

Employer:"Have you tried JIRA before?"

Me: "I know JIRA, it came from a company called 'Atlassian'. I was interested in their product, but it says that it has 30 days trial. So I didn't have a chance to use it."

After a month..

"Our JIRA is pirated, we will use it in our internal servers"..

Me: (I thought this company got an enterprise product of JIRA).

Wordpress does not suck. If you know how to work it.

Past period I saw so many rants on WP. My rant is that it is not 100% WP fault. Yes there are seriously structural problems in WP but that does not mean you cannot create top-notch websites.

At my work we create those top-notch WP sites. Blazing fast and manageable. Seriously we got a customer request to make the site slower because it loaded pages to fast (ea; you hardly could see you switched pages).

- We ONLY use a strict set of plugins that we think are stable, useful.
- We have everything in composer (and our own Satis) for plugins.
- We use custom themes & classes. Our code is MVC with Twig.
- In our track history we have 0 hacked websites for the past 2 years.
- Everything runs stable 24/7
- We have OTAP (testing, acceptance & production environments)
- We patch really fast

These are sites going from $15k++ and we know our shit.

Don't hate on WP if you have no clue what you are doing yourself.

That is my rant.

Our internship and placement tests start from 30th and this is message we got from our coordinators.
😤
(We do have WiFi on campus and in labs ,idk why they aren't letting us use that!!)

They are asking use to use the DONGLES ! who the hell has those, these days !
Uni's response to this : if you can't get your own internet source,then don't give the test. (Translation : we don't give a single flying fuck)

Got my self a Jiofi ,I hope it would work fine.

BUT !!!!!!!!
Often our phones catch no network in the labs ! And if they do,the internet speed is slow.

The tests will go GREAT ! 🙃

!dev-related

Didn't think that'd ever happen, but I got back together with my girlfriend.

We hadn't seen each other for a while due to... let's call it a "very unfortunate combination of circumstances", which made me sad (and her too, apparently).

It was my first ever hackathon. Initially, I registered with my friend who is a non coder but want to experience the thrill of joining a hackathon. But when we arrived at the event, someone older than us was added to our team because he was solo at that time. Eventually, this old guy (not too old, around his 20s) ( and let’s call him A) and I got close.
We chose the problem where one is tasked to create an ML model that can predict the phenotype of a plant based on genotypic data. Before the event, I didn’t have any background in machine learning, but A was so kind to teach me.
I learned key terms in ML, was able to train different models, and we ended up using my models as the final product. Though the highest accuracy I got for one of my model was 52%, but it didn’t discouraged me.
We didn’t won, however. But it was a great first time experience for me.
Also, he gave me an idea in pitching, because he was also taking MS in Data Science ( I think ) and he had a great background in sales as well, so yeah I got that too.

Some time 199x, when I was still a little kiddo, my dad bought a PC. It had a big ass HDD (dimensions-wise), 1x 3.5" floppy disk drive and a 5.25" floppy disk drive. It ran DOS. Dad managed to hook up a dot matrix Epson printer to it and used the computer for writing... whatever, really :)

Then dad got some of those 5" floppies with games and installed them on our PC. Mach3, Indy, Entity and Atlantis were my favourite ones. Later we got Wolfenstein 3-D, but that was just too scary, too intense for me.

All that was years before we got Windows 3.0 installed there.

Hey guys, I'm Davish. I'm really need to develop rant and really like it, first I came here to get some swags, but as time goes, who cares for stickers when we got some awesome knowledge and rant here

Since the beginning of this year our IT department has a new boss. He has no idea about IT, but worked with the other departments and CEO + management on an new business strategy. The other department bosses recogniced that this guy is stupid and only talking hot air, but not the CEO and management.
The IT part of the strategy is abstract and bullshit. The IT Team (we) was not included in building this. We only got the "finished" presented.
So our Team should integrate 6 big new systems (ERP, CRM,...) within 1,5 years. No system is actually fixed and the IT boss is only saying: "Its easy, just some interfaces to connect".
Nice additional: CEO says: Either we go with the strategy or we can leave the company.

My decision is made.

The handle on the faucet in one of the bathrooms broke off today. You can still operate the faucet with some finger strength. It is just difficult. We also got a reminder today that we are not to be streaming video or music using the company wifi. They ask that we use our own bandwidth on our phones.

So on the bathroom door where the faucet handle is broken I placed this sign:

"No We Will Not Code for Free"
(Parody of the "Cheers" theme)

We're underpaid, clients' scope today takes everything we got.
You turn to us with all your troubles cause "companies charge a lot."
You want our work but you won't pay.

No we will not code for free.
You are not exempt from our fee.
If you want a free site, build it yourself. We're not your coding slaves.
We won't build your crap no matter how much you plea.

"Paying us back" don't mean a thing, money talks, bullshit walks.
If you want a cheap site then go to Geocities.

Finally got ceph up and running, so far it does look really great!
At the moment we have 45 TB in the cluster, but we are able to expand it extremely easy.

Two servers with 256 GB RAM and 24 cores, three more with 32 GB and 12 cores.
Dedicated gigabit WAN connection.

The project is going forward strong, I'll let you know when it is time for beta testing.

New format!!!

Junior: We have a problem

Senior: Well what is it you're working on? Maybe I can-

Junior: Nevermind, got it!

Senior: ...

Junior: ...

User: Hey, we got a big issue with one of your tools. One of your pages isn't loading.
Me: Ok, so when did this happen?
User: We don't know? Its been like that for a long time though, so we thought it was normal 😃
Me: ....ok. So do you know what data is supposed to appear?
User: Uhhh we're not sure as well. Since, you know, its been like that for a while.

Just great 😑

Today the 'restrict account' feature I made hit production. Restricted an account and got an angry email with broken english.
Funniest shit that happened today. Made me proud.

To top it off we might get free loadtesting lol

One time, I was working with an org that got a new senior executive from Microsoft. He decided we needed to throw out our application's java stack and replace it with SharePoint. The code error was committing anything other than my immediate resignation.

Earlier i ranted about how someone hacked our site and he had our source code.
Now finally we found how was our site code stolen, thanks to @dfox he mentioned how can we pull code from got server at that time I checked trying commamds to dowload git folder but it was secure but later we found that we had another subdomain running for pur project and its git folder was not secured

Conversation between my husband and myself.

H: I ordered a game for the switch last week. It was delayed by USPS, and it looks like I got a partial refund due to it being late.
Moi: That's your mail privilege at work.
H: Did you really just make a mail pun? *Snerk*
Moi: This is why we work. ♥️

I wish we could have more letters in Alphabet :( :( . Got it in the morning and after a restar everything gone. Lost the haven of DVD drive.....

20+ years ago we got a contract to replace an old home grown system for managing rented equipment for a company with offices in two countries with a new standard system.

I was tasked with building a few addon modules to handle import and reporting that the standard system lacked.

Over the course of 8 months and multiple trips to their head office for on premises development along side their people that knew how it should work (there was a lot of waiting for info so it was not 8 months of actual work) we finally was ready to present the finished solution.

After about one hour of demonstration their boss questioned why we did not demonstrate the connection to their corporate group accounting system ...

“Corporate group accounting?”

After some confused discussion it turns out that in one of the first meetings the sales person had they had mentioned this accounting system and that all accounting info was to be exported there.

This requirement was never listed in the specifications we got and looking into it it turned out that the standard system did not support such exports at all.

In the end we had to throw it all away as it proved impossible to get that info out of the system (which was not of our design).

We barely avoided having to repay all fees as their people had approved the specification but standing there without a clue to what he was asking for was a very scary experience, thinking “how could we miss this?”

In my first year of college right now, and on the first test we had to write some C# ConsoleApplications. We got instructions of what we have to taken as input, what we had to do with it and output it to the console.

I've tested them all and they all work correctly, which was the main objective. I have used the correct data structures, but I didn't get top mark. Instead, I got lower because "I didn't do it her way".

WELL F*CK YOU TOO!!! I hope this is not how every test/exam goes

After working for this company for only a couple years, I was tasked with designing and implementing the entire system for credit card encryption and storage and token management. I got it done, got it working, spent all day Sunday updating our system and updating the encryption on our existing data, then released it.

It wasn't long into Monday before we started getting calls from our clients not being able to void or credit payments once they had processed. Looking through the logs, I found the problem was tokens were getting crossed between companies, resulting in the wrong companies getting the wrong tokens. I was terrified. Fortunately I had including safe guards tying each token to a specific company, so they were not able to process the wrong cards. We fixed it that night.

Occasionally i got my badass moments at work.
But that one bachelor party in Barcelona where about 10 of my pals and I came back from a soccer match topped it all.

As we got back to our AirBnB apartment i went to the bathroom and scanned the WiFi.
I found the IP address of the bachelor's party man of honor and MITM attacked him.

So each image from any http server would automatically get swapped with a picture i took just an hour ago from the game we were at.

5 minutes later i hear the screams "OMFG WE ARE ALL ON THE NEWS GUYS!!!" and "LOOK AT SPORTS SITE X AND NEWS SITE Y!!"
The saga continued with some cheers in the beginning and some confusion, but ended when another friend rat on me..

But boy it was glorious 😂

Hi everyone, just discovered this wonderful community and I've got a new rant just for the occasion.

I work at a creative agency and we offer writing, design and web development.

This client wanted the whole package, so we've written a ton a copy, got it approved, sent it to translation, got it approved, designed both print and digital assets and developed a website.

Everything was looking good, files sent to the printer, website ready to be deployed...

Then we get a call and a PDF of text changes. The stuff is already printed.

The business owner's wife (not an employee) took it upon herself to make changes to the text, some of which have grammatical and spelling mistakes.

Everything has to be delayed, files have to be resent to the printer, project goes over budget, we're pissed, the printer is pissed and their director of communications is pissed.

What a shit show. I wonder who's going to get thrown under the bus for this one.

Had a stupid sales dude. Lost his driver's license due to reckless driving (and this was a few in a row including drunk driving) for 6 months. As it was his job required to drive around he got instantly fired.
So he had to leave laptop, iPad and phone with us (IT). His next stop was finance for the lease car but he was pissed, left the building and drove off.

Apparently rules are super shitty for the theft of a lease by the registered employee. So we could not really mark it as stolen. We alerted the police anyway and he was caught next week for driving without a license. So he went to jail and we got the car back

First we had this stupid Hoverboards.

Now we have god damn fidget spinners. Every Idiot got one.

Now there's fucking Fidgets Spinners with LED.

Will the next fucking Cancer be a IDE with RGB flashing Code, animations and this shit is coming form coding Noob Hipsters and script Kiddies, who wanna be cool???

Kid from the future: Yo Bro lets configure our LED Fidget Spinner with this premade software and call it coding. We will be cool hackers.

We used to write infinite loops with "start cmd.exe" instructions in windows batch, converted it to a executable, gave it an epic vector icon and tried to sell it to 5th graders on CD as "an epic virus that will make your teachers go insane".

And some of it actually got sold.

36 hours here.

It wasn't really work, but I went to FOSDEM 2 years ago with a friend of mine that's also a hacker (hardware stuff mostly). So on Saturday we went to all the talks fully energised, when that was done we got back to his home to "sleep", but there's so many other projects to do!! At the time we felt like we really needed a weather fetching thingy in our IRC client (I think it was Hexchat) but that didn't exist yet. So we built it, kinda in a pair programming way, all night long. Oh, it's morning already?! Time to go to the Sunday talks! We were both complete zombies by then, but somehow I still remember a little bit of it.. some ass who was showing oh-my-vagrant (boring as shit) and some other stuff. All in all, 36 hours on the counter when I got in bed completely wasted, but it was so worth it ♥️

I fucked again...
This is second time I've accidentally executed sudo poweroff on test server via ssh assuming it was my machine :(

It's all because my mind was not stable as we were testing few issues on test server and at the same time from client side someone was doing the changes from Admin side(Wordpress) and we saw menu and few text got disappeared.
Such a bad day. smh

Got my first serious project about a year ago. Made it clear to the client that we are developing a Windows app. After around 80-100 hours of work client just goes "how about we make this a web app?" Got a "financial support" instead of the agreed payment. Got around 4 times less money than agreed upon. They never ended up using some parts of the software (I ran the server so I knew that they weren't using it)

I once had a nightmare explaining to the client that he cannot use a 30+ MB image as his home page background. Average internet speed in my country is around 1-2 MB/s. I even had to do the calculation for him because he couldn't figure out the time it took for the visitor to load the image.

So we found an interesting thing at work today...

Prod servers had 300GB+ in locked (deleted) files. Some containers marked them for deletion but we think the containers kept these deleted files around.

300 GB of ‘ghost’ space being used and `du` commands were not helping to find the issue.

This is probably a more common issue than I realize, as I’m on the newer side to Linux. But we got it figured out with:

`lsof / | grep deleted`

There is a red button in a briefcase that launches nukes if you got access code.
We then gave it to a emotionally unstable hothead.
Left a post-it with admin password inside briefcase.

suddenly our web got a lot of traffic. So, instead of increasing our server (we (think) don't have permission for that), we praying until the traffic back to normal.

10 minutes later, it does.

So both my and my friends documentation for this project got rejected. It wasn't much of a surprise as we both have the same teacher who is very very strict on documentation. We are discussing all the documentation stuffs when he drops this:
Going to Africa and giving all children water is easier than getting this fucking documentation approved.

I fucking lost it xD. Okay, a bit harsh maybe but at least you get the idea.

Installed Linux on a crappy laptop got many many errors. in the process of googling then fixing them I fell in love with the os itself and it turned me towards programming now we sit here me a game Dev major

Never took any degree in anything except finishing gymnasium (as we call it in Sweden). Got hired before I even had the chance to move on with studies. Although, even if I would have, I don't think it'd been computer science.

My first job was when I started my apprenticeship in 2012 - I was really shy, 15 years old and couldn't talk to strangers. So couldn't the guy who started the apprenticeship with me. We've got a simple contact form to program, he did the php part, I did the html part. We were supposed to talk together but we both didn't so it was pretty enerving for our boss lol. After three years we finally started to talk and we are still working together for the same boss, even after the apprenticeship - I think he's happy that we are finally talking lol

New episode on my clients being morons.

Got a call this morning:
Client: hello, we've got a problem here...
Me: tell me about it
C: well... Do you remember the 1200 account we loaded last week ?
Me: yes? What's wrong, we tested them, everything was alright.
C: yeah... But we just noticed we loaded them in the wrong status... Fix that!
Me: easy, we clear the database and load the correct data back.
C: NO WAY! We already worked on 3 accounts. Don't want to lose any of that. Just change the status, it's easy
Me: well not really, there's a lot more going on when you go from one status to another.
C: Don't care, just do it

So... now I need to delete the bad data, checking nothing else gets impacted in the application. And then reload that same data with the proper status this time.

As weird as this sounds like, this is the reason why I love my job. You get challenges like that every single day.

Got an email from IT saying that a new anti ransomeware software is being installed company wide, but it doesn't play well with visual studio. His suggestion is that each time we need to compile, we run a batch file, reboot, compile, run another batch script, then reboot.

...he's in IT?

😜BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game.....

When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....

And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....

One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment...
got it ?

Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.

Boss : Okay...Ready, Set...
. ... ....
..... "ORANGE" !

Employees : Ayyo papi nanmaga 😳😳😰😰😡😡 😛

Ok so to recap, we had shit beginning. We couldn't find client like 3 months and thank god that we agreed that we don't register the firm right away. If we did we would be broke a long time ago.

We found first client and he wanted to build some scrapers with gui. So me being BackEnd developer I created API for scraping (boredom) and my friend created website for that api and I just created gui that displays that site. The project was about 1200$. And since there are 3 of us we splited it into 3x400$.

After that it was again really hard to find clients again. We thought of quitting and just going to uni or something but we really didn't want to and anyways we needed to get money for uni ourselfs if we wanted to go.

So we said that as we are not paying anything and not losing money we will continue as long as we can.

And after we managed to get a hold of it and now we have 2 clients and after we finish them we have 2 more.

So I think the most important thing is that you help your coworkers. My friend who finds clients had a rough time at the beggining as I mentioned. So all 3 of us got together and started spamming people for few weeks. That's how we found our first client.

So now we are running. Not a milion dollar company but we are happy that we are doing what we love and that we have money doing it. We aim higher but we don't want to hurry and screw things up as we are young still.

Also thank you for getting interested after 300 days :)

Last time client got hacked...we just could not get rid of the malware...it replicated itself short after deletion.

Ended up creating the same files with zero content and setting them read only.

Not clean, but enough to sleep.

Using mongodb for one product

A colleague as experimenting with elastic search (I think it was).

It installed a proxy around the collection to get all events for the external search storage.

Worked well, but it was just a test so once done we removed it

But thats where it got scary.

When we removed the proxy through the search dashboard it dropped the underlying collection of live data!!!

A collection it did not create.

Hows that for bad UI.

Always experiment on a separate db server.

Dev team: This part of the app has a shitty ux. We want to fix it after we finish this feature.
Business: hey guys we think we lack data so we got some users to check our page with shitty ux and see if they think it is shit
User: yeah it’s shit

Great use of resources you chucklefucks

Once we got an urgent requirement to add double hashing the password in a web application. It had to go to the production ASAP. The developer which was working on it, added 2 alerts in Javascript to display entered password and encrypted password. Finally change was ready to deploy but in hurry she forgot to remove the alerts. In rush and excitement, that change was shipped to the production. The alert says 'your password is 123', 'your password is xyz'.

After some time got phone calls from users and manager. Manager said, 'how the hell our application got HACKED? If anything happens to..........'. To cut it short, he was furious. We knew exact reason and solution. Didn't take couple of minutes to resolve this issue.

But it was funny mistake and that released that days pressure off.

About age 7 playing with lego an together with a friend was planing to build a robot. 3 years later I got to play with a computer for the first time, A brand new zinclair zx80 with 512 bytes ram (thats 1/2kbyte), and we got it to print 0 instead of syntax error :D

I can't be the only one who makes gestures to my computer depending on how things are going. I give it thumbs up when we got it right. Shake my fist when "it doesn't listen to me", etc

Python prorammers ignore this.

Oh so now we got a fucking new fight started on devRant on which line to put brackets on.
Fucking why!!??
Both conventions basically mean same thing and even no fucking ide is partial about the fact.
Stop it!

What's the point of a farewell email at work?

Just got another today from a random guy we don't really know with his # and personal email.

The only thing I can think of doing with it is feeding it to a spambot?

This is a follow up to my previous rant where I complained about Lenovo firmware update failing and bricking a relative’s computer.

We bought a chip programmer, got the bios from some forum and the thing fucking worked. I’m actually surprised it did, I’m not used to doing shit like this. I was pretty fucking scared of burning something.

The programmer also came with a clamp so we could hook it to the chip without desoldering it. Thank god.

I’m terribly depressed so good timing with that I guess.

Haven't used it since and hopefully never will again, but understanding recursion and keyboard input in Assembly (uni project)

After a long (4 days) sleepover with my friends, with 14 hours a day of slamming our heads against abstract registers, we could finally program the factorial and take floating numbers as input and output them on the screen. It was nothing but pain, but the moment we got it, the sky had opened before us :D

Never again

Just got the first payment from the first client we approached. And we are charging a lot less upfront money, compared to how much time we spent on customization, since it is the first client. Though, today we just got 25% of upfront money we will be charging. And we are still into development phase. Also he will be paying money every month for our service to continue.

The first ever earning of my life. The wheel had started rolling today

PS - Money don't excite me much, and infact I am not much excited right now. Still thinking about the project.

"Hey I wanted to show you a first version. We got the code working, all the data is coming in and being sorted properly!"

Boss: "it's ugly though, I can't show anyone that".

"....but it works!"

:(

remember when our whole dev team was drunk but we went back to work anyway? turns out, someone rm -rf a whole folder of js scripts!! it took us some time before we could find the back up files which were in the old server (that crashed) because recently we changed servers (so we were transferring files) and we are now using amazon.

our boss got so pissed this morning but oh well, it was his idea to drink and feast in the first place!

Couple of jobs back we got bought out by that massive shipping company with the red and yellow colors.

We used macs and some high up moron decided it was a good idea to put on domain policy restrictions on our macs, but developers can't work without admin access so if we wanted to keep said admin access, we had to sign a written agreement indicating that we were not allowed to do certain thing, like change our wallpaper or install personal music players, you know like Spotify, which at the time was what most of us used.

Now this was just a nice cherry on the cake of stupid descision that was making me rethink working there. Thanks to the high demand for skilled front ends, it was 11 am when we got this, 3pm I had comnfirmed my interview for the next day.

An hour later our manager called us all in to explain this was BS formalities. Well too fucking late, learn to communicate you dumb shit.

Is it too much to ask for companies in the current world to be.. oh I don't know.. honest and consistent?

If you advertise on your Job section: "We always give our candidates feedback, whether they got the job or not". Then, *****, give them feedback! I applied and they never got back to me. And no, that's not feedback.

Just got the most aggressive GDPR email so far, the title was "accept or we delete your account" the email contained lot of bullshit and at the end it says "if you don't accept our current terms of service, we will delete your account" and a very low res "yes I accept" button smashed 4 times throughout the entire email, well, watch if I care, just making it even easier for me to ignore that shit.

We got it! Only took just over a week. Thanks!

Best pic I could get before the little monster started eating it.

Updated the site Joomla from 3.6 to 3.7. Then got a call saying some pages weren't working. "No problem," I said, "we have backups." Restored a backup, but then found out it was corrupt... The entire site went down 😭

New project arrises says teacher, my mate and I go to the meeting and it seems alright, guy says he'll pay us $1000 each.
A couple weeks later, "Sorry boys cant get that much money need to pay you $500 each".

Now we have basically finished the whole thing he sends an email and it says, "We got a great fund of $333 for both of you."

Lesson learnt never work in a community project if your looking for money.

"Hey, we got this new untested artifact a few minutes ago. Can you deploy it to the 2500 POS in production and stay at the office in case something goes wrong?"

Well, I got it. The new job that is so from December first I really am a C# developer :)

We just have to agree on the salary. I will at least get more then I have now (as support technician) and well it's kinda a dream come true.

So not too long ago I made a rant about this time I told my superiors of a problem and it got shot down because "We don't want to save developer time".

I warned them that the CPU was going to reach it's limit because the issue involves exponential growth on CPU usage the more we develop.

As it turned out, despite my thoughts that we wouldn't reach that limit for over a year, a new development led to it blowing up in their face today.

I am now treated as the expert on the topic and they're rushing to plan my suggested implementation in the next release.

I'm mildly amused.

!dev related

My best mate and I got invited to an Adelaide based Christmas do which they flew us to free of charge (we are from Victoria).

It was an open bar so we needed up racking up an alcohol bill just shy of $1000, in the end we wound up having some people who were about twice our age trying to 'debug us' if you will.

A month or so later they called up asking for us and it was the most awkward thing I have ever experienced (story is quite a bit longer but not all of it is savoury .-.)

My First !Experience : Disappointment with a computer

My mum kept tons of floppies but we didnt have a computer at home. Went to my friends house, who had one, and had Encarta 95 (its like a fun wikipedia for kids). When I mentioned I had floppies, he asked for one, since he didnt have one. We copied Encarta to that floppy hoping we would cheat in the next computer science test. We even tested it.

After we were certain that all works (you should know we were surprised that it could fit in one floppy), we got to school, put the disk in and voila

we had copied a shortcut :)

We have a badly out of shape but functional product , the result of a "if its not broke don't fix it" mentality. The only thing manangement cares is our next release and making meetings to plan other meetings...

Now comes the time of the security Audit (PCI)...

Manager : oh noooo the audit will fix this issue, quickkk fix it !

Us : welllll its a lengthy process but doable, we just gotta do a,b,c,d,e . Part a is essentially what we need the rest are refactoring bits of the system to support part a since the performance would be shit otherwise

Manager: can you do part a before the audit starts ?

Us: yep.

Manager: do it . Oh and pop those other issues on JIRA so we can track em

Audit completed....

Manager: so we got through ok?

Us : 👍 yep

Manager: okayy, take those other issues..... and stick em at the bottom of the back log...

Us : huh ? *suspicious faces*..... okay but performance is gonna be poor with the system as it is cuz of part A....

Manager: yeaaahhh * troll face* ....about that.... roll it back and stick that too at the bottom of the log. We got to focus our next release. Lemme schedule a meeting for that 😊

Us : faceplam

Rant time. So, me and a few classmates finally finished and handed in a website for a web development class a few days ago. Before we handed it in, we had a meeting with the professor to discuss what we still needed to do.

Us: Are we missing anything?
Prof: Nope. Looks good. Just make sure you have stylus implemented.
Us: Cool, thanks.

We got our grade back today. We didn't do as great as we'd hope, and here's one of the comments that the professor left us:

"You forgot to implement all of the CRUD operations. -4"

WHAT THE **** IS THAT? We asked you if we were missing anything, and you said no. You reminded us about stylus, which we looked at ONCE in a 13-week class, but you failed to remind us that we needed all of the CRUD ops?

PM: I don't like the number of meetings we have
Me: Oh I agree. We have too..
PM: We don't have enough of them.
Me: (oh... I was going to say that we need to cut back... But ok)
PM: I need better visibility into what everyone is doing.
Me: (so you wanna micromanage. Got it...)
Me: ... Gotcha, yup... Writing that down.

Funny story:

We were going through Sprint Planning on Monday. We got through all of the tasks that we knew we had to get done, then we started going through the backlog to see what we could pull forward.

The guy running the meeting (who's not actually a Scrum master, but whatever) get's to a task, reads it aloud, and goes, "That doesn't ring any bells. Brian, it's in your name, it says it's from May, do you know what the status of this is?

Brian reads through it for about 20 seconds before saying, "That date says it's from 2017. I don't think we need it anymore."

I started working at my company a year ago.
Back then I was just graduating from sofware engineering degree.
The position was Junior Web Dev, But actually it is full stack developer.
When I joined I wanted salary X (because I "got offers"), which was a bit above what big companies like Intel gives to graduates back then.
The offered back 80% of it, which was a bit more than was most graduates got in startups.
I settled on their offer and we agreed that after a year I'll get the raise if I'll do good.

A year passed.
The team leader left for a bigger company, and I became the unofficial team leader (and was always the scrum master )
Bare in mind that there are two developers that are in the company for 2-3 years, yet I got the unofficial roll.

We had the talk, and my manager asked me straight away "under what salary would you start to search other jobs? We want to keep you here"
I said that under my initial X salary that we agreed a year ago.
He claimed to have forgotten that we agreed on 20% raise.
I answered that it's the least I ask, beneath it and I'll start looking for another job.

He replied that he'll do his best to make the owner give me that.

A week passed and I got no update....

What should I do in your opinion?

Our company decided to buy a new platform from a third party company..but they did not pay at all at once, it was like a loan, and every month we received a new feature to integrate in our code system, after a couple of months the company stopped paying, then they decided to cut the relation and suddenly I was working 18 hours per day to build the platform that they were supposed to buy.. we were told that we had one month to finish, of course we didn’t make it, I got fired the same year :D

Does your team also tend to get stuck in the MVP Trap?

You ship a barebones version of a feature. Zero polish. That’ll be done later if it’s successful.

When the stats roll in it seems the feature got a lukewarm reception. A few users liked it, but it wasn’t a hit.

Next sprint starts and everyone asks if we should spend more time on it

The PM argues ”Why would we spend time polishing something no one uses?”

The designer argues ”Well of course no one used it, it looks like shit, we gotta spend some time polishing it!”

It becomes a chicken or the egg scenario.

Your product ends up with a bunch of half assed features. not bad enough to remove, not good enough to spend more time on.

I got an interview on monday but i completely forgot i even applied. They said its java AND c#, so i can guarantee a 50% score i guess.

Can someone explain what the fuck is a namespace while we r at it?

A very nice restaurant in a Vegas casino at 3am.

A friend and I were working on a project after defcon, and we got hungry. It's Vegas, so we have no clue what time it is except for our laptop clocks. And who cares anyways. Time is irrelevant in Vegas. So we got a table at a steak place at Caesars palace. And just dropped our laptops on the table and kept coding.

We won a competition - it was the first time he has taken part on it - and we had 1. place (me :p) and 2. place.

He was happy like a small kid, hung the certificate on the wall, made photos with our principal and the winners and we got in the newspaper xD

When our org got sold to another company, and we weren't informed about anything that was going on. There were whispers of emails that went out, that we first thought meant we were keeping our jobs, but it turned out emails = severance packages. Friends that I have worked with for years were dropping like flies and all we could do was wait.....it was awful, and extremely emotional 😢

Got to talking with someone in our company about AI generated code. I said we still have to audit the code, understand how it works, and ensure there isn't any nefarious libraries or code in what is produced. Like what we "should" be doing when we find libraries on the web. I explained how people will purposely create libraries that are spoofs of other libraries, but have malicious code embedded in them. It doesn't take much to imagine someone using a sketchy AI to push this kinda code.

How do you reasonably fight this if we start increasingly relying on generated code by AI? So I suggested we need an AI to review AI generated code. Then we need an AI to review the AI that reviews the AI generated code. Then...

So, our team got a new dart board. Not the magnetic one, the wooden one with sharp darts.
Now, we all are wondering where should we place it, so that it is safe for everyone.

I DID IT! I got my first co-op job!! I’ll be starting in the fall and I’m super excited 🤩
Finally I’ll get to do real work and I’ll get to see just how far schooling has gotten me.

Gotta admit I’m a tilt bit worried I over sold myself in the interview but we will cross that bridge when we get to it 😅

I’ll also finally have some real rants soon enough 😏😅

Why is it, that every time Microsoft updates their Office, it gets worse?

You want your “ribbon simplified?” You’ve got it, we removed all the buttons that you usually need.

You want a clearer view of items? You’ve got it, we doubled the font size and added 10cm empty spaces between emails in the list.

Wanna see how the weather in Washington? You’ve got it. We added the forecast info there automatically. We know that it’s like 20 000km away from you!

What else could we do in future to fuck up your setup more?

A while back we had some time sensitive work I was doing in overtime, the work was purely functional and the front end had not yet been done. It went to QA to test the functionality and the only feedback I got was UX oriented.

I tried to explain on 3 occasions that the looks was not important in the slightest at this stage, and just try to break it. I then got a lecture that it wasn't an optimised layout and was shown the AA route finder as an example of how the tester thought it should look.

Tuesdays at work suck. This is something I've put a lot of thought into.

Take Monday for instance, we love to hate him, when it comes to Mondays we all know the score we tell Monday where he can go and he takes that and owns it. He knows we hate him and we all know where we stand.

Wednesday is hump day, not great but we know we're halfway through the week. Thursday gets us a little excited cos we can see the end of the week.

Friday is the one we've been waiting for and we love him, Saturday and Sunday are bliss.

Tuesday... What's Tuesday got? It's just a day, there's nothing going on with Tuesdays.

Well except this week, in the UK we had Monday off as a statutory vacation, so this week, this week Tuesday is the day we love to hate, he's now got all this beginning of the week rage directed at him. The other days are unaffected, Thursday and Friday still have their thing, Wednesday still marks the half way point.

Monday has buggered off and let Tuesday be something for a day, I don't think he can take it. If he could Monday would probably go into retirement. Monday probably has more hatred directed towards it than Katie Hopkins (and that's saying something).

In short, no, no I do not want to get out of bed and go to work today, but I will, cos that's just what we do, but fuck you Tuesday.

Fuck you with a bag of spanners...

...Sideways...

...With habanero sauce...

... And a pineapple.

Tl; dr: Linux on Ryzen is a pain at the moment.
Now for the long part: Our student council got new computers because the old ones where slow as hell. As one of the admins, the others and I together decided that ryzen would be a good option, because they are not that expensive and we wouldn't have to buy gpus. (Wrong decision it turns out.) We settled on the ryzen 3 2200G and bought three systems to replace the old ones.

We meet Saturday morning and build the systems. All was fine and we were happy. The we tried to install ubuntu via preseeded netboot, which seemed to work fine at first. Then we started having weird screen issues and couldn't proceed with the installation. (See image) we then grumpily decided to just install them all one by one, flashed two usbs and started installing. On two systems the installation worked and we installed our packages, we weren't so lucky with the third one. It would crash on us all the time, even in bios. While that was going on we tried to set the other two up, turns out those two were also crashing but not as frequent as the other one. So we start to google and find people saying that kernel 4.19 kinda fixes it. We install it on the two working machines and the crashes get less frequent but are still there. At that point it was midnight and we went home.
Sunday morning: we reseated the cpu on the third system and it seems to be better now (it installed on the second try) and we were able to change the kernel. Yay. Now all three are in a state where they will sometimes randomly reset. :/ and we don't know what to try anymore.... Any suggestions?

ffs.
Got to the office in the morning. Boss says, ok we want to do a toast for one thing or the other. Got a nice glass of red wine. drank it. Nice wine. got back to my computer, and started to work. the boss man calls me back. I say whats up? he says, bottle of whiskey....

drunk coding is fun!

I mean, ONE of these days, the Prod pipeline has GOT to work... doesn't it?? Just basic odds say EVENTUALLY it will, doesn't it??

Of course, I'm sure I could have had it working long ago if not for the fact that we have to use common scripts developed by another team that we can't alter, and just guess where the problem is.

You know, standardization and DRY are good principles generally, but if you just apply them without thinking and without at least SOME flexibility, you only make matters worse.

Client calls screaming they want to go live today.

And oh yeah they also want three morebpaymentbgatways integrated before that.

The documentation is scarce and we never used them before.

Got it on the table 4h before day ends.

Awesome!

So, today in the office we all decided chipotle for lunch. We create the team order and sent it out to the entire office.

First thing we noticed: online ordering looks really good and has finally been updated.
Second thing we noticed: it never got tested and it doesn't work

Result: 7 angry developers who just wanted some burrito bowls start emailing chipotle tech support

My killer PR:
I made a small feature and it was to be merged in my senior's branch.
So I made it, resolved all the conflicts and when it got merged it broke my senior's branch.
This is nothing new and it happens, so me and him sat down and got it working. After two days, his branch got merged and broke it's parent 😂, after investigation my code was the reason, got fixed and merged.
Same thing happened 3 more times, and every time my code was the culprit.
Now for staging we thoroughly tested everything and deployed it, after running for 2 hours the piece of shit broke again 😂😂😂.
A meeting was arranged for scolding the team, and after the meeting the architect comes to me and say "how did you manage to fuck things on so many levels, literally?". I handled it like a pro with an awkward laugh.

We exhaustively checked it for production. Deployed, it did not broke, we were happy. After a month of successful run, I just joked about the above incident while we were working on next release on morning coffee. That cursed thing broke on the same evening. I was like 😮

In a meeting, we made some pretty major adjustments to a dev server. We broke it. Under pressure, I cracked and I randomly forgot the syntax for a sql update statement that might’ve at least got it back semi-online. To be fair, it’s been several years since I’ve needed any sql. Thank goodness I grabbed a snapshot as soon as I realized things were about to get edited. Saved. 😁

The first project I used Source Control with.

At my university, we were told that it would be a lot easier, and that we were required to use SVN, and not Git. Me not knowing much about either, decided to learn from two people who used Git.
Confused as I was how it all worked at first, we spent a couple hours trying to work out a work flow, and how we wanted to use it.

Eventually, I was like "Guys, I got it!" And explained how we should do it. Then then said
"That's how Git works"

We decided to use Git, and at the last minute shoved everything onto the school's SVN server they had for the team.

Been using Git ever since. Looking back, not sure why it was so hard, but I am glad to have found Git instead.

My director sends an email every morning asking team members to close their tasks at EOD.

Every. Fucking. Morning.

Like dude, we got it the thousand times you said earlier! Just stop doing that now!

DAPHNE: We finally caught the mean old Edge Browser! Now let's find out who you *really* are!
SCOOBY: Ruh-roh!
SHAGGY: Yoink!
DAPHNE: Gasp! It was Old Man Trident Rendering Engine all along!
VELMA: We could have worked it out from how Edge has exactly the same bugs and performance problems is IE!
OLD MAN TRIDENT: And I'd have got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids!

Today we launched the website that I’ve been working on for months. But the stress and fatigue of everything else (my personal life, the sleepless nights) got to me. Even though I got it done and it looks great, all I can focus on is how I ended the project. How I let the frustration of everything get to me. I just needed to get that off my chest.

[story of your first dev project] - i really think there should be a headline like that for wk rants

Anyways, it was a while back, le college teacher approached my friend and me asking if we wanted to do a project. We said sure, it was a medium sized data analysis project. We got the specs with a lot of formulas, basically implement them all and make a web frontend, thats it. Took like a year but we did it. Few months later teacher is furious because the calculations didnt give him data that he expected (by expect i mean he thought that a distribution formula would accurately yield 200+ data fields from around 4) and blamed it on us. Not the retard other professor who fucked up half of the formulas. Ok.

I've always heard about the "if one woman can deliver a baby in 9 months, 9 can do it in a month" situation people got in. But my bos just quoted that to me since we are stuck on deadlines.

Sometime in the near future…

"Hey Joe, how's the new robot working out?"

"Oh it's great, except that we have no more shampoo in the house."

"…"

"Yeah, apparently it got its hands on a bottle and infinite-looped on Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

First thought about programming was in forth class in school, I was 10, and together with a friend we where planing on building a robot.

When we had a basic Idea on how the mechanics would work (theoretically but maybe not really practically sound) we started to consider how to control it. We had heard about computers but had never seen one but we figured out you could not just say, “go shopping” but rather had to break the problem down and doing that we came to the conclusion we would have to start with getting it to take a step.

We never got further as my family moved and I switched schools.

Later the same year I got to play with an actual computer, the Sinclair ZX80, 80 for the year.

A monster with 512 bytes of internal memory ... yes bytes, not kbyte.

And then things got going, after a few curses in Basic I finally got my own Spectra video 128, 14 years old and 2 years later I was teaching basic in ravening classes and I have been working with computers and programming ever since.

Server migration status:

One of our Windows servers took less than 20 mins. SSL and bla bla everything done.

Linux server was a lil bitch but we got it going for the most part .....sigh...

Still using Linux as my primary desktop at home but geezus man. We really need a dedicated master wizard Linux sys admin for this mofocka

Used to have FiOS at the office. Apparently someone thought we were having "issues" with the connection, so for a week we were sharing off a neighbor's connection while they found a new vendor and got it set up.

...we're now on Cox.

Not entirely dev related, but definitely shameless. In high-school we had to study CS, but it was more about knowing to use Office. We had class tests, which mean that we all had the same task and we had to finish it until the end of the class. Obviously no one wanted to do it, so whoever finished first would email it to everyone. Most people, however, were stupid enough to leave the meta data untouched, so it was obvious who was the original author. To not appear suspicious, I removed the original metadata and put my own in, and deliberately made errors in the sheet and corrected others that I noticed. I never got caught, because my work would always have "unique" mistakes.

So my annoying roommate, an upcoming musician & I got into an argument, and although that happens quite often, today was different.

We were talking about 💰, and he said "money is everyone's motivation". I completely disagreed and now I'm bringing it to my fellow ranter's.

I know it's 'a motivation' but is it that big of one?

Worst: Uni called us back for offline exams in the middle of pandemic despite our attempts of thwarting it.

Best: Thankfully none of the people I know got infected and we got some time together before we graduate.

monday.com: our manager has been pushing for it for weeks. We barely got any time with the demo before it expired and the company took forever to get licenses.

Now that we're on it ... this thing sucks ass. It hijacks all the browser keyboard shortcuts. You can't use Ctrl+F or Ctrl+L .. you can't even right click.

This is the worst project management software I've ever seen. It's amazingly even worse that Jira. I wish we had just gone with Redmine. It's free and not garbage

We have this marketing class that none of us gives a rat's ass about and it's not related to software engineering in any way, and our professor knew that.

So to make things easier for him and for us, he made the rule that if we do at least 30% right on the test, we'll pass.

If we got a question right, we get 1 point, if we got it wrong 0 points, and if we left it unanswered, a quarter of a point.

That meant that if we didn't do anything on the test, we get 25 % anyway, so we almost pass by doing nothing.

Fucking genius.

I only answered 5-6 questions that I knew were right and left the rest unanswered and passed

For shit's sake, data stream processing really is only for people with high throughput looking to do transformations on their data; not for people aggregating <10Gb/day of data.

Fuck me DSP is going to be the new buzzword of 2020 and I'm not looking forward to it. I've already got stakeholders wondering if we can integrate it when we dont have the need, nor the resources or funds.

Apparently people hate meetings and I never really got why but we had a 5 hour long meeting on monday so .. i get it ..

Why do we never talk about angular? It was way ahead all the time. Like you got all these nice things with Vue 3 and React 42, but bro angular got it all for years..

It feels so nice learning it.

Well the company I work for was too cheap to buy a new Graphics Card so we got an old graphics card (nvidia) and had to install it with working drivers

We checked and the drivers were End Of Live since I think 2015 or 2011 so we downgraded the hell out of ubuntu 20.04 Kernel, Compilers and the driver installation still failed We had to get the gcc 7.2 but there wasn't any PPA's available with this anymore and the installation still failed without giving proper error message 11 Hours later we decided to go home

The next day we got an Email we wasted time and money of the company

but we were asked to do this.... (two working students getting minimum wage)

budget, the haiku:

“we can’t afford that”
“we just got huge investment?”
“already spent it”

Me:how about this one ui component boss. I think we must fix it.
Boss:just drop it out, do another job. wait customer to complain, after we got one complain then you fix that.

I build my friend's pc
He didn't had windows
The site where we bought the oem license was messed up
and yes... I had to use teamviewer to disable his adblocker...
Oh, and 12 hours later to activate windows...
And yes, it was me spending 10 minutes on the phone to acivate his windows key since we got a already used license...
Adding it up, including the whatsapp remote support, If I would st art charing I would get rich...

On Friday afternoon, i got an e-mail from the IT manager of the company I'm working for.

"Due to security issues we have been forced to stop the server you deployed"

Today, on Monday morning, i got a message from the director saying LITERALLY NOBODY CAN ACCESS THE SYSTEM

I wonder what it could be.

With one of my best friends during university years (9 years ago) we thought about a simple wysiwyg online platform (before WIX or others) to create simple sites . We started working on it , during multiple nights , we got a working demo (we got a nice intership with it ) the problem ... it was written in FLASH (AS3) witch died 2 years after . So the project died with it . I've learned alot.

In an IT management class, the professor wanted us to estimate the operation costs for a small IT company, breaking them down by service offered. I remember creating a markdown file, multiple times executing the line `echo $RANDOM >> estimations.md`. We rounded the numbers slightly, pimped the document a bit and submitted a nice PDF. When we had to present our work, the professor asked us how we had proceeded to calculate those results. We told him a story about an Excel file we worked on, but did not submit, because we thought he'd be interested in the end result and not care about those details. He asked us to submit that Excel calculation, because he wanted to comprehend our method. So we got together, created an Excel sheet, copied our "estimations" into column C and called it "service cost". For column B, we used the same "cost per man hour" value (scientifically estimated using the RAND() function) for every row. Finally, we divided the "service cost" by the "cost per man hour" for every row, put the result in column A and called it "effort (in man hours)". The professor, being able to "reproduce" our estimation, accepted our solution.

We expanded offices. Management didn't tell me.. just literally "oh we got this new suite, setup a new internet line, and you need to set it all up this morning because we will be working in that space."

Very difficult to do when they won't give you a key...

So we have an internal license server for intellij.
Installed idea, tried to connect to license server. It wouldn't connect.
Got at least, 10 devs and the admin to look at the problem. No one could find why it was not connecting.

After full 2 hours someone got the idea, came to my laptop and fixed it. Turns out windows firewall was blocking all requests from intellij.

Fuuuuuuuck

I've got a mate at my current work. Most of what we do is insult each other, but there's a real respect there. We were both in similar positions in the company, where we were overworked, underpaid, undervalued and pretty unhappy. He was so helpful when it came to traversing the politics of the company, and how to work out what to do. Plus we get really drunk together all the time. I'm leaving my present company in a few weeks and I'll probably miss having him around the most.

One of our servers had a disk fail this week. Luckily it's 1 of 3 in a RAID5 array. And, luckily, it was our mostly-dev box and didn't have any production stuff on it, except for some support things. We scheduled a disk replacement with the hosting company, took everything down, waited. Somebody at the hosting company apparently didn't know we'd scheduled the replacement, saw the machine was down, and brought it up again. Sigh. Finally they did the replacement, got it back up, but now we're seeing an ethernet port flapping, suggested they have someone go in and make sure all the jacks are fully seated, maybe one got loose when they were doing the disk switch. Bureacracy reared up again and we got the boilerplate "if there's a hardware issue suspected please boot into rescue mode and run the tests"... sigh...

Don't you just love it, when Windows lovers community just throws user's concerns and issues right back into their faces? "it works for me!" they say.

On the other hand, Linux sucks. (because it still got a lot of room for improvements!)

Seriously, we need better OSs.

We got new workstations today and the following happened:

Me: We got your new workstation but your screen doesn't have the right input to use it, so we'll exchange it too.

Her: No! I love that monitor!

Me: Well you won't be able to use the computer if you don't wanna change it.

Her: There has to be a different way!

Me: Okay I'm going to get some adapters and we'll try again.

After literally 30 minutes of searching I finally made it work.

VGA->DVI->HDMI->DisplayPort

That just felt so wrong.

Me: So it works now

Her: Thanks but why does it look so bad?

Me: It's because of the old monitor.

Her: Oh... *10 seconds silence* Then I'll get a new one.

A friend of mine once asked me to send an entire TV series as an attachment to an email.
I fell off the chair laughing.

As I got back on it, I realised we aren't far away from that day. 🤘🏻

We've had a project we knew was going to happen since February, and every 2-3 weeks we have been requesting feature requirements and gear to work on (hardware for test automation).

1 month ago we got the official request. 2 weeks ago sales said no to ordering equipment. Sales is now asking for weekly progress updates.

My boss said we have documentation of our asking and the group director (bosses' boss) is behind us saying, "work to make it function, not to get it done quickly."

Sometimes things work out.

!RANT
We all have that one colleague who asks for help with his code and when you try and talk about it, he acts like he's got everything figured out.

These guys are so frustrating,if you know it already why'd you call me in the middle of the night to fix an important bug.

My company got drunk in the meeting decided to go out to town and live it up ... we got loads of work done... I swear...

I'm extremely lucky that I had parents who encouraged it. My mother was a programmer herself, working with punch tape.

They brought the family home a BBC and let me fiddle with it. When we had a PC they let me get Visual Basic (ew) which got me really interested in programming.

Monday we had an hour-long meeting with the only purpouse of deciding when was the next metting.

Later this week, the same day of the meeting, it got cancelled.

It started with 30min max per week on spieleaffe (child game site) on our oldish slow HP windows vista machine.

We also had an even older pc at elementary school.

A year or two later I got that family Pc when we got a new laptop for our family.

The following years I had two laptop generations.

I was in dependency hell for two days.
Im a junior working in a team creating an ember app. Suddenly a main component refuses to work since an addon threw "EmberObject undefined"... Nobody could reproduce it and we where out of ideas, so I tried fixing it for 2days (7h total). I finally got it working after updating yarn :D
It never felt so good working again :)