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Search - "fix shit"
*code doesn't work*
-Run three times, just to be sure
-Its NOT the code, must be the project. Full rebuild.
-Run a few more times after rebuild didn't fix it.
-Google the issue.
-Stackoverflow must be wrong. The code is JUST like their solution.
-Run a few more times, but with your lucky underpants
-Reboot. Must be an operating system thing.
-Tea break. Give the issue time and it will fix itself.
-Run a few more times. Still unfixed
-Contact customer support.
-Walmart said they can't help.
-Consider writing your own language without this OBVIOUS flaw
-Kickstarter for c++++
-Start a family
-Contact customer support again
-Run a few more times
-Now banned from Walmart
-Oh shit, missing a semicolon24
Fucking someone has to fix the recruiting process.
Fucking who gives a shit about your experience, and what you did so long.
Here take this fucking shitty problem that I googled, so that I can judge you by this one fucking problem.
Oh, youve worked on variety of technologies? Fuck you.
Fuck these interviews. Fml.8
When our sales guy came by for the 200000000000th time on a day to boast about how good he advised someone on a sales related matter.
Mate, we're Linux engineers and currently trying to fix shit up so why don't you get yourself a cup of shut the fuck up.5
Me: code quality is important
Everyone: <no shit given>
Director: code quality is important
Everyone: yes, it is very important, hurray!
Fast forward few weeks/months...
Me: why this function accepts 14 arguments?
ShitDev: yhm, you know, we need to fix it... maybe
Me: why this exception is swallowed?
ShitDev: oh, really? yhm, yhm
Me: why this function is copy-pasted and repeated (20 LoCs)?
ShitDev: yeah, true, but we wanted to make it fast.
Me: Dear director, this project sux and its quality is shit.
Director: you're exaggerating, it can't be that bad, it works, right?
Me: <polishing CV>
ShitDev: got praised for delivery14
Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….
Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app
Ticket Description: (blank)
Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>
Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?
Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all
Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?
This fucking customer...
I've told that person so many times that they need to FIX THEIR CODE, because it get's pwned all the time.
To make stuff worse - they are still using Debian 5, and we are unable to upgrade because all their shit will break.
I found his fix today - he installed an old version of NGINX because it is "better".
No fuck you.10
"Oh my God thank you! How'd you fix it?"
I did literally the first thing you always do: unplug that shit and plug it back in.1
Just who the fuck from apple thought its a good idea to make the FUCKING SCROLL BAR overlap, the FUCKING PROPERTY ARROWS, everytime i accidentaly hover over it? I cant change shit! I have to wait few seconds every time i accidentaly hover over the scrollbar so i can be able to FUCKING CHANGE the value!
Dear Apple Inc,
Fix your shit! We're paying 100$ a year for what? More bugs and toruture? I didnt sign up for this bullshit! Give us back some real quality products, or just buy the company Jetbrains and let them build the IDE for you instead.12
So what do you do for a living?
- I fix shit. While i do that, i break some other shit and then i fix that shit.2
We've sent you a new message regarding your app, Xcode. To view or reply to the message, go to the Resolution Centre.
We noticed that your app did not fully meet the terms and conditions for reasonable fucking update size. Your latest app update requires over 40 GB of free fucking disk space. Please bear in mind that many of your own fucking laptops only have 120 GB of disk space. For optimum user experience, it would be best if the user didn't have to uninstall other apps from their system just to run your shitty update system.
To resolve this problem, we recommend that you fix your shit. If you are unable to fix your shit, we recommend that you don't take 30% of all iOS developer's income so that you can make giant fucking glass donut buildings, and instead use that ridiculously disproportionate monopoly-abusing cut and invest that money in fixing your shit, to lighten the load of developers on whose backs you have become the most cash-rich company in human history.
There are plenty of resources such as Stack Overflow to take advantage of, in order to learn how not to create a bloated piece of shit IDE.
Once you've completed all required changes, please upload a new binary to the App Store.7
I've just made an attempt to fix the Python repository in response to that ridiculous master/slave PR. Please support the issue! You can find it at https://github.com/python/cpython/.... Thanks!
Issue got immediately locked. I'll try my best to maintain a community fork at https://github.com/toloveru/cpython. Fucking pieces of shit they are.. seriously, if at all possible, do not use my repository. Just stop using Python altogether. This is madness.16
Just going to come out and say it.
If you wait until 4pm on a Friday to hit me up to fix your problems, you're a fucking gangrene twat.
I won't be taking care of your shit until Tuesday you dumb bitch.4
Answer from 3rd party software company: "we can't fix these bugs because it requires development on our side".. hehe, yeah, no shit 😂4
When your boss says "good job, you have developed something big in such a small time" (~2 weeks) but you haven't showed him the bugs and shit (gonna fix it btw)3
Me to myself: I've seen your code, it is shit.
Senior: (builds JSON with string concatination)
Me to myself: ...
What am I to do? The system is full of stuff like this, and minimal support from management to fix and rewrite.19
My god people = shit...
“The *insert website here* isn’t working, I need you to fix it”
- Everything’s good on our end, it’s their end that needs to be checked.
“Why can’t you fix it...!?”
Oh... I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I don’t fucking work for them you cock munch!!
I don’t get paid enough to deal with stupid fucking people. Where the FUCK is your common sense?
I work for “X”, THAT means that if something is wrong with “Y”, I have NO control over it you cock breath having fuck stain.
That’s like ordering tacos from McDonald’s and getting pissed off because they look at your like your mother should have swollowed... NO SHIT!3
OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU REWRITE A FUCKING PIECE OF CODE AND DON'T MAINTAIN ITS FUNCTIONALITY?
ARE YOU FUCKING MAD????
JUST SPENT 1 FUCKING HOUR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE FUCK THE DATA WASN'T BEING PASSED TO REDUX STORE!
YEAH, UNIT TESTING SURE IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOT THAT HAS MASHED POTATOES FOR A BRAIN!
GO ROT IN HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
NOW IF I DON'T FIX THIS SHIT MY ASS IS ON THE LINE BECAUSE I MADE THE FUCKING FUNCTIONALITY THAT YOU BROKE?? NO FUCKING WAY!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY BOSS, I'M GONNA GIT BLAME THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IF ANYONE PISSES ME OFF!1
People on github opening issues saying shit like "aye, your extension crashes. Please fix or I'll uninstall. Thanks.". How am I supposed to fix an error I know nothing about? Error message? Extension list? Stack trace? Steps to reproduce? Nope. Nothing.
Don't be like this, please.5
Dad thinks i sleep all day and always tells me to get a job.
Mom doesn't know nothing about what i do
Wife thinks I'm talking to other women and have a fucking magic money tree when bills need to be paid.
Wife's grandparents think I'm a lazy piece of shit but ask me to fix their fucking tvs.
Mother-in-law: knows i make money working on the computer but not how.14
NO I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP ALL MY DATA JUST TO GET AN EXPLORER DARK THEME!!!
YES I DISABLED TELEMETRY PARTIALLY!!
YES I STILL WANT TO RECEIVE UPDATES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I EXPRESS MY DESIRES TO NOT BE TRACKED IN FULL!!!
NO I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR SHIT ABOUT "THIS FUCKING QUESTION HAS BEEN ANSWERED SOMEWHERE ELSE"!!!
(https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us... - certified Microshit MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!)
AND NO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU THAT AFTER RE-ENABLING TELEMETRY THAT MY PRIVACY SETTINGS ARE STILL TOO LOW!!! AND CERTAINLY I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR WORTHLESS "FIX ME" SHIT UNABLE TO FIX JACK SHIT!!!
AND LIKE FUCKING HELL DO I WANT TO REINSTALL WANBLOWS, FUCKING KEEP MY SHITTY FILES THAT ARE FUCKING BACKED UP BUT LOSE ALL MY CUSTOM CONFIGURATIONS!!! LIKE FUCKING HELL!!! NOT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIX YOUR OWN BLOODY SYSTEM AFTER I DID MY PART TO GIVE MY DATA TO THE SHAFTLORDS AGAIN!!!
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!!!!23
Overheard 2 colleagues having an interesting telephonic meeting late night at my room.
Dev 1: Wait. I am trying to fix it.
Dev 2: Ok. Take your time
Dev 1: Shit. I found it. I knew I was doing something wrong here.
Dev 2: Oh. Nice. What was the bug?
Dev 1: It was a super silly mistake. Don't want to tell. Folks will laugh at me.
Dev 2: Don't worry. It happens with everyone. Come tomorrow at office, and whisper it in my ears. Noone will know.8
The only hacked sites I had to fix were running on ... [prepare your stomach] ... Joomla.
I'm not sure if there is even one single solid developer for Joomla. This shit piece has more vulnerabilities than a crack hobo infested with pest-ebola-hyperAIDS.
The sites were full of hidden viagra and pr0n ads and links so the crawlers would list them.
Luckily for me, I was able to pursuade the clients in all 3 cases to build a new site from scratch on a different CMS.2
Commit Message Part2:
6528fff Code was clean until manager requested to fuck it up
241b35f Who knows WTF?!
4381a32 Argh! About to give up :(
c3bf1a9 more debug... who overwrote!
2d68d6d Fixed a bug cause Maciej said to
b112c1a This branch is so dirty, even your mom can't clean it.
bb456d4 Shit code!
4878b46 Copy-paste to fix previous copy-paste
e2c7e87 A fix I believe, not like I tested or anything
e4b8f4c formatted all
3691208 I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.
0888b69 just checking if git is working properly...
62741aa I'm too old for this shit!
0735196 COMMIT ALL THE FILES!
09caccf I CAN HAZ PYTHON, I CAN HAZ INDENTS
ab70bde Fixed errors
934436d Now added delete for real
5f84e30 My bad
99baff8 CHRIS, WE WENT OVER THIS. C++ IO SUCKS.
953473d final commit.
f0c3b57 Just committing so I can go home
4e5ce4e yolo push
deb4e3b I CAN HAZ PYTHON, I CAN HAZ INDENTS
710c06a Commit committed....
3c45e67 it is hump day _^_
4487788 Committing in accordance with the prophecy.
bf86e7e This solves it.
4804f68 FONDLED THE CODE
051d42e REALLY FUCKING FIXED5
Oh boy, my riskiest coding decision was certainly that one time when I refactored some 50k lines of critical legacy shit code in 3 days, straight up merged everything into master and then deployed to prod.
Luckily there was only one minor bug I had to fix after that... phew...
(To my defense: I was solo-working on it - the infamous CMS Of Doom™)2
What is the longest time you spent for a single bug fix?
3 days and going here, this piece of shit doesn't seem to reveal itself until I go bald and be a psychopath. 😲14
You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.
What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"
DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!
MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.
my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.
#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!4
My first JSoup project?
Go to 1000 random rants and see how much they curse!
According to the results (btw I only did 1000 rants) people say "fuck" and "ass" 5.7% and 5.6% of the time respectively, while "shit" comes in third with 3.6%, and "bitch" coming in with a measly 0.2% (yes, I know I forgot to fix the % bug) Anyone surprised by the results? I was kinda surprised with "ass"16
At a meeting:
"We don't know why <past developer, they all know who this motherfucker is> did it this way but we have to..."
Me: *slams table* no, stop. I am tired of this. Y'all must've really liked this guy. But he did it this way because he was a fucking idiot.
There is no other reason for this amount of fuckery that I have to be bothered to fix and mess with on A DAILY BASIS so I am gonna go ahead and call it as it is. The dude was a damn moron and no one here stopped him. I know he was a janitor here that got his cute lil associates and y'all wanted some good will hunting shit to happen, but <said dumbass developer is no matt damon"
Them: "YOU CaNt JusT UsE ThaT lanGUAGE"
"Am i gonna fix this shit?"
"Well......no one else kno...."
Legit man i am sick and tired of this shit. I did not earn a B.S in comp sci. Graduated in the top percentage of my class, am suffering through my MCS to fix php like a fucking moron all day.The rest of my web devs backed me up.
Aaaand btw..no, it is not my job. I am a fucking analyst, i provide data reports, i program said reports, i am tasked with this shit because i used to work for then as a web tech.....got a different position cuz i was tired of it...fuck me right?18
So yesterday I said to my private laptop update and shutdown...
Fast forward to this morning. Hell breaks loose. Have to fix it asap! We have downtime. But fucking windows update!!!
You fucking peace of shit should have done this yesterday. And why does it have to take so long.11
You know the anxiety that is caused by having your boss breathing down your neck as you fix something?
WELL I DON'T
SIT DOWN MOTHERFUCKER AND WATCH THIS SHIT
I fucking invite this micromanaging fuckery. Come on dude get closer and check this shit out. Countless hours perfecting my sweet skills, lemme show them to you and make yo dumbass feel inadequate AF
dude was literally looking as i saved the day over some fuckery that happened while i was taking care of alllll the other motherfucking support tickets.
Dude even said wow.
I said "i am in this bitch what's up?"
Guarantee mfkers won't fuck with you if you show them how much of a fucking boss you are.
*doesn't drop mic
*smashes guitar instead8
I have nothing wrong with being frequently asked what I am majoring in. However, I am going for COMPUTER SCIENCE not FUCKING IT. Please for the love of fuck stop suggesting I try to get a job with some shitty company as an IT guy. I have no interest in being an IT guy. I want to fucking code shit, not fix your shit and help you do basic shit that you're too fucking incompetent to figure out.25
Yeah Apple, fuck up your SECOND Xcode release in a SINGLE WEEK and make me download ANOTHER 7 GIGABYTES (I've grown up with a 2.4 KBITS/S modem!) for what's probably a ONE-LINER FIX in your bloated SHIT!4
*it’s friday and everything works*
> Run my project on monday morning
> Feature doesn’t work
> No clear error message
> Everything’s gone to shit
> Nobody knows how to fix it
1. Find a problem
2. Throw 2 to 6 plugins on the problem.
3. Admit, that they don't fix the problem either.
4. Implement some crappy workaround yourself.
But: It could get worse. You could use Joomla as CMS. Same shit, but without the available mass of plugins.6
Person: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Person: So you're good with computers? You know mines been having this problem...
Me: *Kicking them in the shin and running is always an option*2
IF THESE SPOTIFY DEVS DONT FUCKING FIX THEIR SHIT SOFTWARE IM GONNA RAM MY FUCKING TIMESHEET UP THEIR ASSES.4
The fucking hubris on some people... If you don't understand git, in a shop that uses git, how in the name of fucking odin's nutsack do you think you're qualified to be a senior dev? I'm not talking understanding the internals of git, I'm talking knowing WTF a branch even is! Oh, I know, its because you eat lunch with the bossman! Cronyisn is alive and well folks! Now I gotta fix all this shit, or its my fault...3
Annoying thing happened at work as usual -> can't get the mood to code -> procrastinate -> finally get my shit together -> get some work done -> shit it's 07.00 PM I should be going home already -> still coding because I started late -> shit it's 09.00 PM -> get the fuck home -> I need time to be alone and relieve stress by surfing the web -> shit it's 02.00 AM -> try to get some sleep -> Why did she left me? How's dad doing? God I think I that function that I coded today is awful, gotta fix it tomorrow. Am I going to afford a house EVER? Fuck what I'm doing with my life. -> Shit it's 05.00 AM, I MUST SLEEP. -> (kinda sleep) -> Fuck it's 10.00 shit shit shit shit -> arrive at work -> I'm not ready to open the code -> procrastinate -> ...4
No, you self-centered asshat,
the HTTP RFC is not just a set of pedantic suggestions.
Fix your non-standard shit.
i am fucking tired of companies that come to me expecting to magically fix their STEAMING PILE OF BULLSHIT AND TRASH CODE. how about when i ask "can i get a project brief", instead of saying "just fix it" or "it just needs to do this", GIVE ME A FUCKING COHERENT AND DESCRIPTIVE WRITEUP OF EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. i can't read your minds, let alone read the code the previous cock sucking developer wrote, so guess what? i'm left with no other option but to completely rewrite it. to top it off, instead of giving me god damn excuses as to why you can't get me the api key for your order processing, MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT AND GET IT TO ME. how the fuck do you expect me to test an application when i don't even have access to the fucking api the whole shit pile is based around? i swear to god if these people expect me to have this done by the end of the week but want to be little cunt nuggets they can go eat shit. fuck you, fuck your "contract", fuck your company, FUCK EVERYTHING. greedy, shit faced bastards2
PM: Hey listen, client sent us his feedback about the app that we need to fix, they wont take time.
Me: Sure no problem.
5 Minutes later:
15 easy tasks that take not time to finish BUT they are put inside ONE FUCKING TASK ON JIRA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT! 15 IN ONE YOU DUMB FUCK!
MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS AND WRITE EACH IN ITS OWN MOTHERFUCKING TASK!
Another reason on why I hate humans -_-1
Me starting a project: Okay I'm stuck with this project I'll just shelve this for now
[3 weeks later]
*comes back to project*
*find a solution with problem I came stuck with*
WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN WHY DID IT TAKE YOU 3 WEEKS TO HELP ME FIX SHIT WRYYYYY7
know what pisses me the fuck off? when the manager of another department jumps over me and goes straight to the head of my department for a request that they want from MY department.
Currently, there are 2 stupid bitches that insist on doing this fuckery. One of them keeps getting owned by our DBA since for whatever reason she sends her requests to me, just for the DBA to remind her that I ain't giving her access to shit and bla bla
The other is the head of the human resources department. It goes like this: sends wrong data, task gets delayed cuz we have to sort her shit, gets impatient, bitches at head of department and his boss about us taking long(bitch 3 hours ain't long and your shit ain't critical) just for me to reply back with images and LOOK FUCKTARD YOU MESS THIS UP red arrows showing how what she did was wrong and I had to fix it for her.
Sends a reply back only to me saying thanks, ah no pendeja, I will forward aaaaaaall of that shit to everyone else, tried throwing me under the bus? well now ima do it to you.
And fuck those 3 applications you requested, have fun adding shit manually through spreadsheets and then go eat shit and die.5
Mum: can you look at my phone?
*bunch of random shit pops up all over the place*
Me: your phones got a bunch of viruses on it or something. You'll have to get it fixed
Her: can't you do it? You make apps. Can't you just make an app for me to fix my phone?
Me: I don't really make apps, besides that's kind of impossible.
Her: so what did you go to university for?
> Be chad lodash dev
> new security vulnerability discovered in April
> virgin devs ask to fix https://github.com/lodash/lodash/...
> giving no shit, because lodash stronk https://github.com/lodash/lodash/...
> fast forward now
> NPM lists lodash as vulnerability, because no fix
> 1000s of downstream projects affected
> surprised pikachu face10
We do infra as a code, and one of my coworker worked on the project alone. Few months down the road, when shit hits the fan, he just message me this is not working.
First of all, I did not write that shit, and also I was never part of the conversation during the decision making. So when shit hits the fan what do you expect me to do? Do some black magic and fix it magically???1
I couldnt solve a bug for hours.
Hours of googling.
Hours of mental trainwreck.
Hours of stress.
I cant solve it.
HOLD ON I HAVE AN IDEA.
ChatGPT AI. HELP ME.
i copy and pasted the part of code thats bugging me. Keep in mind that this is a VERY large and robust system and this is just tiny percentage of code.
I told the AI to help me fix this shit bug.
ChatGPT literally explained me what the bug is as if im retarded and wrote code how to fix it.
LOOK AT THE SCREENSHOT U CANT EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP
SQL injection holes everywhere... The original author of the product put concatenated SQL queries throughout the whole application. If it's not the client asked for a penetration test, we as developers wouldn't even be given chance to fix this shit.
I'm actually glad to have the chance. I can't live seeing them every day but force myself to ignore them.8
* adds one second of sleep in test
* git commit -m "Fix test"
slow ass piece of hot steaming pile of shit, monolithic, resource-wasting, overly complex, overpriced government service. DIE
Today my grandmother called and told me she wasnt able to login to her account for her ISP. Alright, maybe shes confused about the passwords as we had to change it recently. No, turns out they still have this "oh sorry you typed your password incorrect three times, so we will lock your account and your granny have to do the 2 hour telephone queue"
You and your fucking outdated auth practise can go and kindly fuck yourself. Fix this shit before I get real mad.5
Shit you can apply this to coding too.
"When you fix a bug in your code"
Red: Actually does what you want
Blue: Completely fucks your entire program up.10
"An error has occurred. Please try again."
WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ERROR? WHY CANT YOU TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO TO FIX THE ERROR YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.
I shouldn't need to submit a form 23 fucking times, changing field values each time, because of an uninformative fucking error message.3
On the twelfth day of Christmas
programming gave to me:
Twelve bugs in public branch
Eleven errors to fix
Ten freaking warnings
Nine Windows Updates
Eight blue screens of deaths
Seven minutes of compiling
Six servers down
Five Android Studio crashes
Four angry stackoverflow devs
Three kernel panics
Two burned graphics cards
Finally finished setting up my private Git Repo.
First tried to install Gitlab, tried 2 hours to fix it. Holy shit the configs were a shit piece. Ended up at the end with a 502 error.
Fucking hate Gitlab, go die you piece of shit for dedicated servers.
Removed it and installed Gogs. Had 25 Minutes to set it up completly and I'm happy with it. ✌️
Dont won't to spent 7$ on private Repos for Github, when I have my own high power dedicated Server 😜20
Google -> Niantic -> shit
Hate them for biting off more than they can chew, they successfully fucked up two of their games, now they are launching the third one.. Can you just fix the stuff you fucked up before you continue with new stuff?? Okithxbye9
gotta love them comments:
#TODO: move this,
#TODO: fix this,
#TODO: DON'T DO THIS,
#TODO: CHANGE THIS
I shit you not6
One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see people say shit like "fix it now" when a bug pops up.
Like bitch go fix it since you're such a fucking intelligent individual. You can't? Well then, shut the fuck up and let them fix it. They're human too, ya know2
FUCK Y.O.U. windows 10 for making my pc not recognize mics on the front port.
Seriously i usually dont mind windows that much but really ?! Oh hello i noticed you changed your os version THEN LET ME FUCK UP YOUR DRIVERS SO YOU FEEL LIKE A RETARD NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK.
Worst is i feel like an idiot because i have no idea how to fix this shit apart from buying a new PC, aaaaand im pretty sure while trying to fix it i made it worse
FUCK IM A SCRUB. FUCK PEOPLE ON INTERNET AND THEM "It works". NO IT DOESNT !
And now i feel like a worthless dev because of w1055
Visual studio is a fucking piece of trash IDE and it should be banned from programming because of how SHIT it is, how can it not let met fucking reference things properly, why can't I acess the FUCKING FOLDER I'VE JUST CREATED, how can it not recognize that I've just added a folder from outside??
WHY EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE DIFFUCULT WITH IT??????
Why can't it be smart like Android Studio :cries:
YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MICROSOFT, FIX YOUR FUCKING STUPID PIECE OF SHIT WORTHLESS DUMB IDE, FUCKING BILLIONAIRE COMPANY THAT CAN'T MAKE A SMART IDE, DUMB FUCK VISUAL STUDIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!19
Why, just why, in the the world would you populate an ENTIRE excel workbook for it to serve as a database!
"It crashes, fix it"...
Shit doesn't even open man!12
Jesus Christ Almighty fucking Instagram is a real shit show lately.
So many fucking bots. The porn bots than spam comments and DMs, the bots people tag in comments that get you a lot of likes and then just people that use bots to comment on posts.
Like fucking hell bruh can y'all fix your shit?7
Monday morning: The last straw.
After talking about in a previous rant about how my client wants to fix bugs that keeps popping out after bug fix.
Today I discovered, that all C-levels, worked all Saturday to "fix my code" because it "didn't work" and we "needed bug fixes not pretty things".
The app version I was working on for the last week is gone. Without mentioning that their "CTO" wrote a fucking crappy code to disable features that I added, breaking the build step.
This shit is enough for me, I'm done!3
Confession: I'm launching a major project for a client this time next week. It's some of the worst code I've ever written in my entire life. It's beyond awful, but I have no choice. It's sure going to be fun fixing it for the next 2 weeks post launch.8
Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.
You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.
Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.
Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.
PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"
git add -A
git commit -m "fix bunch of shit.'
git push origin master
**98 files changed
me: omg I forgot to change the hardcoded IP now it's getting 404
git add -A
git commit --amend
git push origin master --force2
Overworked team spends 2 months hacking together a Codecademy clone in record time: avoiding best practices, conflating paradigms, throwing shit at the wall until it stuck.
But today I submit a small UI fix that used a table instead of `display: table`...1
Do you ever wonder why EVEN Microsoft uses web technologies to build apps for Windows?
Because the StAte oF tHe aRt piece of shit WINUI 3 (aka Project Reunion aka Windows App SDK aka Microsoft 12th app framework in this decade) can't handle a basic save/open dialog.
An issue has been opened 2 fucking years ago and still no fix. (Other than write 250 lines of c# and c++ to get a fucking dialog)
Fuck this I'm going back to Electron.5
I was not having much respect for out front-end developer, as the UI is not so good., yea. I know it UI depends on the designer.
Now the new design changed and our UI looks awesome.,
and I must say that my respect increased a lot when my pm asked him to fix the layout in UC Browser.
Fucking shit., in UC it is showing two lanes as one lane. I don't know why., he was working hard to fix that.
Massive Respect to him. I really happy by being backend dev.8
This drawing was commented on my PR to explain the flow of a bug I need to fix, what da fuck does this means. I already told him to use a mock up tool like Adobe XD or some shit like that. Dudes answer's was "It's easier for me just to draw it"12
We have this important product with deadline closing in. Dev who was working on it for months went on vacation. Bugs came out, no comments in the code, no docs, some of the variables are as verbose as var abc = "some weird shit"; and I'm tasked with trying to test, fix algorithms and instruct on how to use it.
This isn't first time happening, so I'm dusting off my CV this weekend.5
Worked on optimizing the Firefox add-on I'm writing yesterday evening, was about to go to bed and packaged/installed it onto my normal Firefox (not Firefox for developers).
It worked perfectly fine on the developer version: hardly anything happens on the normal Firefox version and I took all debugging console.log's out 😬
Fuck me. Going to try to fix this shit tonight but damn.1
General approach : I'm wasting my time by just sitting in front of computer all day. Since I'm freelancer, almost all of my work can be done at one place. They think, I should get a REAL job.
When they need help with tech : I'm the guy who knows everything about tech and can fix their mobile, printer, toaster, washing machine and nuclear warfare.
When it comes to admiring what I do, I'm just a useless piece of shit but, when they need technical assistance I'm their lord and savior!!1
Sometimes hardest part of being dev is staying calm and trying to explain someone why something is a BAD idea, than see being ignored and just silently prepare fix so when shit goes south you can quick fix shit the other dude/dudette fucked up regardless of number of warnings.
Sigh, another dumpsterfire of this variety incoming.5
I need a room to scream. Fuckin fuck every asshole cunt who sees shit code and decides its ok to write more shit code rather than fix it, absolute fuckin cunts10
So as applying for an internship to a new company, they wanted me to make an account and do some things to get use to the website... That's great, until I learned their website is fucking garbage!
Their design looks bad, icons are terrible, no common design flow, super busy. And they are taking about using machine learning and big data? Bitch you need to fucking make your site usable first!! If contacted them and will give them 30 days to fix their shit before I write about it
Fucking piece of shit xorg and amd drivers. Wasted so much time trying to fix screen tearing and nothing works, only managed to kill xorg altogether
Added a pic of the tearing15
My wife is sick, my infant daughter is teething, and my toddler son won't stop begging for fruit snacks. I haven't slept more than 4 hours in the last 48 hours.
And now, I have to work on my weekend, since our division refuses to say "No, that wasn't in the scope of work" to another business unit and put them in their place. They're lucky they're getting the feature they requested 6 weeks from launch _at all_, let alone with the extras that they requested 4 weeks from launch. Now it's on my shoulders to fix this bullshit because they won't pony up extra budget to pay the external dev shop we used (who failed to implement said features in a timely fashion) to fix this shit.
I really need to get my business shit together and start consulting on my terms. Working for other people can suck a fuck.4
When I was in school, people came to me every once in a while, wanting to make a new great MMORPG with destructible terrain and factions.
Then came the guys who wanted to make a new amazing app that will help them fix some minor life inconveniences (like tracking expiry dates on the groceries in your fridge).
And now there are guys who want to make blockchain, IoT and chatbot based startups.
I just want to watch youtube and post shit on the internet. :(1
Idiot hard coded database host on the app... Pushed to prod and suddenly shit wasn't working... Took me 10 minutes to figure out what was going on...
Wrote a passive aggressive git message and commited.
Before updating prod my boss turns around to me and the following took place:
Boss: is there any problem with the server?
Me: yes, someone (i know who was ) hard coded the test db IP and it broke the backend.
Boss: oh, but will it affect the mobile app?
Me: well, it won't work but I'm already pushing the fix.
Boss: no..err.. I mean... Will I have to make any change to the mobile app?
Me inside: wtf dude... For real?! Get your shit together...
Me: no. It good, I already fixed it.
Boss: OK. Thanks
Moron hard coded dB's host and stupid boss can't get shit together nor ask who did it to take precautions...12
Dev team: This part of the app has a shitty ux. We want to fix it after we finish this feature.
Business: hey guys we think we lack data so we got some users to check our page with shitty ux and see if they think it is shit
User: yeah it’s shit
Great use of resources you chucklefucks6
Rapid firing some mini rants.
Fuck people that go on vacation and post 100 pictures of it. Chill out fam. I can guarantee you that 95% of your followers don't give a shit. Keep the posts minimal; 3-5 is ideal with 5-7 being acceptable.
People that post shit like r/whooosh in the comments on posts can suck a dick. That's not necessary asshats.
Why the fuck do the Android versions of every major app suck ass? Like c'mon man. It's the most widely used mobile OS. Take Apple's dick out your ass and fix this garbage. (I get that supporting the cheap ass devices that never get OS updates is one thing, but ffs im using a Pixel. Get your shit together.)
This TED talk was brought to you by Stuxnet. Thanks for coming.7
I feel like resigning from a company that i joined 3 weeks back.
I don't like to code in PHP and the manager wants to stick on to that , no new developers joining the company and php is one of the reason. The code is a mess. Every now and then some other team come running for a change like one button to do some shit and then for a fix after 15mins of release.
So many database operations are happening manually. No innovation in the team. Developers are very boring , women being senior developers and team leads brings stability but there is no innovation , excitement or any enthusiasm. All my team members are very happy doing mediocre shit. Manager talks about agile development and they are following that at a level where every half a day some requirement changes.
I m tired of being a developer that fixes the same mediocre shit.
Its too boring.6
Oh, it's finally done and works well!
Oh, let me just optimize that a little... And probably rename this...
5 minutes later:
Shit it does not work now.
10 hours of debugging later:
I'll fix it later
To all new devs:
Commit more regularly
I love Unix, Linux all that shit (macOS can fuck off though). But why WHY WHY does every pissing update have to break something?! Guys I need fucking networking, not even intertubes just basic networking.
Anyway, I've come up with a solution. It is quicker for me to install a new OS and restore files from backup than to fix it, so that's what I do.10
When you come to work eager to code, and the whole day goes to trying and failing to fix some network shit -_-2
😵 help - I totally fucked up.
I managed to delete my /dev/sda1 partition with gparted while trying to format an USB-Stick...
Now my laptop not even trys to boot. It only opens BIOS without any boot options. I absolutely have no idea how to fix that shit. 😣😰51
i hate group assignments. why is this guy doing a class in accessibility if he's not gonna pay attention and not gonna make the code accessible? and the audacity to tell us that "we can fix the accessibility stuff afterwards". the accessibility is literally the assignment!!! you're not doing shit!!!4
I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.
Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"
Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"
Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)1
...He hired a shit dev who did the same work in 3 times less than what I asked for.
He's now back crying to fix his Fuck up.
You ask how I know he is shit. He SSH-ed into the server. Worked directly off the production files. Worst of all, he installed phpmyadmin, changed the db structure without even writing a fucking migration !!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what he changed!! It's gonna be a long night 😥5
Dear Apple: FIX YOUR FUCKED UP IDE!
Generating IPA file takes ages, freezes the shit out of the mac and to make it even worse a full clean -> build -> Generate Signed APK on slow ass gradle takes barely 5 minutes while XCode takes ages9
Can someone explain me...
... WHY GOOGLE PLAY SERVICES NEEDS ALL PERMISSIONS FOR WEBAUTHN(U2F)???
NEED MY CONTACTS, CALENDAR, BODY SENSORS, SMS AND SO ON! ALL FOR U2F???
I PROBABLY SHOULD BE GLAD THAT I DON'T NEED MY GOOGLE ACCOUNT FOR THAT?!?!
Using Firefox and testing WebAuthn instead of the typical dialog I get "Firefox has trouble communicating with Google Play Services" when I try to use that.
If someone knows the responsible people at google, tell them to FIX THAT SHIT.17
Oh man, I fucked up...
I was doing after hours work for client, setup website with https.
Can't work over sftp with current user,so I give it the same user ID as apache, get files transferred and shit.
Go back to change uid, set wrong uid, now my user is ntp, I can't get into root, can't set password...
I fucked up
Tail between the legs, sent email to clients support, asking them to fix my user fuck up, waiting for reply
Me: we need to fix all these technical debt and prevent new ones from growing
Boss: this needs to be prioritized by product owner
Correct me if I'm wrong but a PO didn't see all the shit under the hood, (of a nice looking "car")... And by the time the engine starts choking... It's already too late?1
Stop whining for fucks sake.
I'd rather listen to high pitched coil whine than enduring this frigging shit.
If it doesn't work - fix it.
If you're to dumb - fix yourself.
I've told you motherfucking gazillion times that your bitching is absolute waste of time you inbred relict of an homo erectus.
I wanna gag a certain someone with duct tape who's annoying since weeks... And send him in a package to a nice russian Gulag some where in sibiria
I've just realised something... I haven't ranted about work for a looooooong time.
It seems now all the monkeys have left the team and we've hired young people that actually knows how to get things done without blowing things up (though still need to work on documentation, bus factor still too high). So I'm no longer cleaning up their shit or the bugs they're too incompetent to analyze and fix...1
Got married. Best day of my life. Woke up the next morning to my wife on one side and a fuck load of messages from my boss asking me to fix shit. Quit shortly thereafter.2
Oh for fucks sake, I only agreed to fix one fucking problem in your shit hole of a wordpress hell, not everything your sorry excuse of a "wordpress expert" fucked up.
We need time travel asap!2
I really don't enjoy visual studio
Is not bad but it's not worth the disk space it takes up..
Also, if your disk is starting to fill up and vs is filling the most space, YOU CAN'T <swearword> UNINSTALL IT FROM YOUR PC
To remove the shit, I had to upgrade to Windows 10 (our school PC's are not allowed to have Linux) and delete my whole fucking disk, just to get it removed
Fix your shit ms
Stupid fucking MySQL.
I thought I have fixed your fucking issue.
I'm hungry and I wanna go home. It's 19:38 now.
I was up since 05:00 and started coding at like 06:00.
Grrrrrrrrr fucking piece of shit.
// Or was it the laptop at home that I fixed this issue? I don't know anymore. I'll try to fix you at other day.6
Okay I just wasted 1h of my lifetime trying to fix a css bug which was caused because the actual classname was 'itemWrapper' instead of 'item-wrapper'. I might just kill myself at this point. I swear to fucking god I end up calling a suicide prevention hotline everytime I have to do shit in css.3
House search has never been as painful as 2021. Not only the websites are shit at stopping agencies from outright lying on their websites, but also they can't even give you a quicker browsing experience. All the click click clicks just to view one fucking option. Duplicate advertises, photos from "a similar apartment", no 3D showing, no blueprints, etc. , and all in all, awful experience all around that nobody cares to fix. 😒8
Him: my PC doesn't want to connect to the internet.
Me: Are you doing IT ryt?
Me: Then fix ur shit.
Snapchat is a piece of shit app. My phone (Moto G5 Plus) is far from spectacular, but ive never used an app that freezes and crashes more than that piece of shit app.
If they'd take Apple's dick out their mouth for a week and work on making the app less shitty for Android, that'd be fucking awesome. Or ya know...stop making some good awful update that looks like shit and fix the fucking app first.10
Yes i do love spending hours tryna fix an error and then magically being able to build the project after taking a shit3
Bug I had to fix today: some elements in our React app were being swapped with other elements.
We had `<foo>bar</foo>` on the component but on the html `foo` was being swapped with some other element in our app. It's contents ("bar" in the example) were being left in place, though, so we were getting `<baz>bar</baz>`.
This would only happen when running on production mode. On development everything was fine.
Also, everything seemed fine on the React dev tools. `foo` was where it was supposed to be, but on the html it was somewhere else.
Weirdest shit I ever saw when using React. I found a way to go around it and applied that fix, but I'm still trying to track this down to the source.
The worst part was waiting for fucking webpack to finish the production bundle on every fucking change I wanted to test. I didn't miss the change-save-compile-test flow at all.
What a shit day.4
That's it, I'm done. I'm SO. FUCKING. DONE. Whoever created such a badly monkey ass coded shit and named it "Drupal" should have been aborted with a fucking hanger.
No one was here today because they were all at a Drupal Con that I never heard of. Glad I didn't. So they told me "yeah there are one year bug to fix, if you could do them all in a one work day that'd be greaaaaat". FUCK. YOU.
This shit is slowly sucking my passion away, and while I could spend 15 hours to code per day a few months ago, now I'm stuck to debugging shit that should have work without a Drupal environment. Tomorrow I'm going to see my manager and tell him to get me the fuck out of this and make me do something that would make me enjoy living again. I can't believe I'm getting trouble for this kind of low shit stuff, really.
And it started to rain. Fuck.6
Make me do almost everything and then call me during my vacation to quiz me on why the shit I DIDN'T do is broken. All while complaining about me and my objections undercommitting the rest of the team (whose busted shit I'll be on the hook to fix) every sprint.
But remember guys we fail as a team :^)
Suck my dick you fucking pricks.2
had to create a rather large CLI based application in Java as a graduate level assignment.
Doing shit like this makes me appreciate Node/Python/literally fucking anything else much more for this shit in which storing and retrieving JSON does not have to be that much of a fucking hassle WITHOUT using external libraries(they want it all made by hand)
I love Java, don't get me wrong, but I would rather use it for only a couple of things. I stopped working as a Mobile dev precisely because of Android being shit for Java. No, Kotlin does not fix it, its not the language that is my problem, its the fucking general architecture of the Android API that pisses me off.
And no, I do not care if you like it, like 1 fucking bit. I am not saying that the architecture is shit, I am saying that I did not like it.
Sigh.......oh well. Almost done with the assignment, but still.7
Sitting here looking at the shit spaghetti I wrote yesterday (that works) and wondering if it'd be easier to add more spaghetti for the feature I need to add or "do the right thing" and fix 1800 lines before I move on...4
My menu bar in MacOS was cramped, looked online and found out that an app can fix it.
Holy shit. Does everything on mac cost this much?10
So my boss started to use https://toggl.com and now every single clients calling must be tracked by our timer.
This specific time I forgot to activate it as he called, but by the time I got to start the timer the fix was already finished...
IDK if I'm too fast or the client to stupid to fix his shit by himself6
Currently working in a virtual Linux machine running on a Windows host. The Linux VM is running i3 and I just locked the host for the umpteenth time because my dumbass pressed Win-L to switch one Window to the right...
Also, while typing out the tags, I got the tag-suggestion 'my password is as weak as my mental state' 😂
Holy retarded internet company. The fiber cable that comes from the power pole lost its connection to the building I live in. So the fiber was laying on the ground in the parking lot. The upside is it is still working. The problem is people are going to run over the fiber and break it. So I sent an email to the ISP on Thursday. They didn't create a ticket all day on Friday. By the time I got home they were not open. I called their tech support number and pressed 0 until I got a real person. I explained they need to fix this soon or it will get broken. They said "I understand" and then proceeded to create a ticket for fucking wednesday next week! I told them it will damaged by then. They said "I understand". Then I get a text saying they will do this wednesday. No you stupid fuckers, you do not understand!
Queue the McGuiver music:
I got out some steel wire I use to fix stupid shit like this. I made a hook to connect the steel cable holding the fiber. This hook will go around some exposed electrical conduit. Then I got a board to lift it up high (no ladder and 5 inches thick of ice on ground). I cannot balance wire hook on board and get it to slip down. So I got a steel pole I have and attached another hook with electrical tape. As I passed the hook over the conduit I used other pole to grab bottom of hook and pull it down to keep a hold of the conduit. Now the fiber is up in the air again above the parking lot. I hope this stupid hack works until wednesday. My right arm hurts like hell cause the strain of holding the fiber taut while I pulled the hook down. It strained my right hand.
Worst customer service on the planet with Century Stink. They fucking make it harder than hell to get help and it seems they take almost a week to fix shit.4
WHY DOES GOOGLE CHROME CACHE THIS SHIT AND WON'T LOAD IT AGAIN. I THOUGHT I DIDN'T FIX THE BUG BUT GOOGLE CHROME IS THE BUG. THIS FLYING FUCK9
While in the banking world, I had a project where I had to automate an import into a shit system called CRAWiz. The data had to come from multiple archaic loan systems with no API and tons of shit data.
After implementing, the shit data came to light. Instead of fixing shit data (and using their loan systems correctly), they decided to go back to digging through physical files and manually importing. They blamed CRAWiz and decided to go with a new system to import their shit data into. I warned them repeatedly that a new system would not fix the shit data but they couldn't accept it. I left at that point. 😂
I just hate it when you're happily coding along when a colleague asks you to help him. You try to help him at his computer, but that thing is always slow as shit and has these weird workings. So you go ahead and try to do it quick on your computer. Then during the setup you run into problems. Being the good dev that you are you try and fix those along the way, but somehow you get sucked deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. The next thing you know you've been working an hour on some shit which should have taken 5 minutes. To top it all off you want to return to what your were actually doing and say "screw it". But there's this nagging feeling and you can't help but finish what you started. Worst of all your colleague hasn't advanced one bit.
Somehow I always feel like a jerk afterwards. Either I quit and didn't help (and didn't fix what needed fixing), or I did help and it took too much time away from stuff I should have been working on :(2
What the actual f. I just changed my password on uplay to a 30 character password which works fine on the web account manager. Apparantly some moron decided to limit password field in the uplay client where your actual games are stored to 17 or 18 characters.
And that while they want to "improve" security. Please ubisoft, fix your shit4
Sick and fucking tired of this bullshit.
Previously worked with Laravel, used 'gulp watch' to watch for changes in assets and now they changed things for the better of Laravel Mix as a fucking wrapper for webpack. Now I have to do shit load more stuff to get gulp working, 'cause otherwise my 'npm run watch' shits itself every fucking time I run that shit, doesn't matter what fix is aplied. Battling that bullshit for 3 days now and shit's not working anyhow. Stupid fucking bullshit. Sorry, had to let it out from myself.10
A call centre manager is dictating the direction for the development of an app I'm working on.
Everything is working perfectly and then I'm asked to implement logic that makes sense to noone else but her. Then a week later shit breaks. Then I'm blamed. Then I implement a "fix". Repeat this cycle over and over.
I've started looking at local postings for a job in construction.1
working on a crappy legacy site written by an invalid. The job was to replicate an existing site for a school with the original's permission. I fix a shit ton of bugs and update the original.
For the first time ever I got a phone call from the original's owner to complain that I had fixed their site -.-
leave things broken from now on!5
Upgrading Unity with petrifying dread, contemplating the shit loads of work I have to do in order to fix my project as it used depricated APIs.4
Senior tech rolls out updates last night... Breaks a whole heap of shit, guess who gets to fix them :|4
- Make it engaging, and avoid too much bullshit.
- Everyone should get to air their concerns, regardless of your position, everyone should have a say of the matters being discussed.
And for the love of god, compress it, don't make it unnecessary long. It's not fun to attend something that takes an hour of your working time, because time is precious and you lose time to fix shit.1
No, Steam support, I don't wanna see your copy-paste shit, I just want you to fix your broken SSL on one of your server...
I hate writing to support so much (doesn't have to be Steam). I just want to see a human approach for once, but all I get is copypasta bullshit.2
Why is it so hard for people (especially managers) to learn to work smarter not harder....
FIX THE GODDAMN PROBLEM CORRECTLY... THE FIRST TIME SO WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP FIXING ITS BLOWUPS ON WEEKENDS....
AND STOP HIRING MONKEYS THAT JUST KNOW TO PRESS BUTTONS RATHER THAN DESIGNING FULLY FUNCTIONAL SOLUTIONS THAT DON'T BLOW UP OR LEAVE A TRAIL OF SHIT BEHIND THAT I NEED TO DECIPHER N CLEANUP....2
OMFG HOW CAN SOMEONE FUCK A PROJECT SO HARD IN TWO WEEKS???
I struggled for 6 months to keeps a minimal pattern and logic throughout the project between tight deadlines and changed scopes, but in two weeks they managed to literally shit on top of it and now I have to fix this bullshit?
Oh boy...I really don't know if I fucking scream, punch someone or rage quit.1
GIT COMMMIT LOG VERSION 011
4cc7d0d Derp, asset redirection in dev mode
6b6e213 Lock S-foils in attack position
1e44549 I am even stupider than I thought
2f6bec9 You should have trusted me.
891851a To those I leave behind, good luck!
3367d77 Update .gitignore
46d6b0f Merging the merge
b12f6fe First Blood
9151ff4 Finished fondling.
8358c20 c&p fail
bc1e834 magic, have no clue but it works
31bb17a I don't get paid enough for this shit.
7a71610 Stephen rebase plx?
2060661 Copy-paste to fix previous copy-paste
21ac5d2 Handled a particular error.
2dedd90 pam anderson is going to love me.
c3d4c83 omg what have I done?
d38bafd Herping the derp derp (silly scoping error)
e461773 Merge pull request #67 from Lazersmoke/fix-andys-shit Fix andys shit
1faf82b Is there an award for this?
1f6e3f3 Feed. You. Stuff. No time.
6f0097d I'm too old for this shit!
133179e I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.
57d9a7c THE MEM TEST FUNCTION YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, IS HERE. SAY THANKS FOR THIS COMMIT MESSAGE
Weekly status reports. BITCH, I'M TOO BUSY WORKING TO TELL YOU WHAT I DID THIS WEEK.
Mine are also almost always the same:
"fixed broken thing"
"worked on reports for broken thing"
"helped new teammates fix broken thing"
ISSUES REQUIRING ATTENTION:
"my connection is still shit, like i warned would happen before I moved"
"need workstation already connected to network to reduce connection problems"
These don't help the people who need to be micromanaged, and they just piss off those of us who don't.5
when you read an awesome @practiseSafeHex rant and share it on Slack
this is soooo fucking broken, my eyes now have many relations to periods
shit... @DevRant fix dat...4
What is fucking wrong with Windows? When shit doesn't respond it's impossible to kill it and it freezes other processes. NEVER happens in Linux, all I do is kill the PID. When you can't open task manager or "end the process" you are shit out of luck. You'd think they'd fix this in the decades they've had to built a computing platform. I'd use linux exclusively but some work and tools at my company necessitates windows.8
You see this fucker? Those are packets sent to Apple, what are those packets? The update of an app I am working on.
Makes me wonder why the fuck does upload disconnect out of a sudden when there is not a single issue in the network I'm connected to!
Apple get your shit together cuz an update process takes more time than developing the damn app!2
FUCK YOU FUCKING AZURE FUCKING FUNCTIONS:
EITHER LIMIT MY NUMBER OF TCP CONNECTIONS (before violently crashing)
FORCE ME TO USE THE GODDAMN PORT-PISSING, BARELY-MULTITHREAD-USABLE, SETTINGS-IGNORING EXCUSE OF A PATHETIC BUILT-IN HTTPCLIENT ON FUCKING CRACK (Seriously .net people fix that shit).
But not both... both are not okay!
If your azure function just moderately uses outgoing Http requests you will inevitably be fucked up by the dreaded connection exhaustion error. ESPECIALLY if using consumption plans.
I Swear, every day i am that much closer to permanently swearing off everything cloud based in favor of VM's (OH BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO MAINTAIN THE VM's BOO HOO, I HAVE TO BABYSIT THE GODDAMN CLOUD INFRASTRUCTURE AS WELL AT LEAST I CAN LOG IN TO A VM TO FIX SHIT, fuck that noise)
I am in my happy place today. At least I'm having great success diving into minecraft modding on the side, that shit is FUN!1
if I take my laptop home...shit will break.
if I don't...shit still breaks and I don't have a way to fix it.5
My Software Developing Skills finally paid off... I've spent whole night repairing a shitty Zanussi Washing machine. My life meaning was fulfilled
Boss: "You hardcoded the redirect uri in the code (Early on during development and forgot about it, because apple OAuth is a piece of shit), but don't worry I fixed it by hardcoding the uri with the production host into the config file where clearly all settings are fetched from the OS Environment variables at runtime. This will surely fix the problem in staging we have, no need to thank me"5
i understand and accept why some people prefer mac.
every mac i have ever used has shit the bed during normal use. while windows and Linux machines have too, however less frequently. unlike mac there is always something i can personally do about it to fix the problem.
i like having complete control over my computer and don't like the idea of paying a premium to be told how i can or can't use it.6
Fuck! This is why I can't diet.
I can't get shit done, because I keep getting more things to fix. And I'm not talking everyday fixes, this is just plain retarded.
The asshole that my client hired thinks he's a dev. Takes projects that are working and makes small changes. Simply for him to say "I took this project and updated it for our needs."
Then when that shit eventually starts failing, I'm expected to fix it. It's not even that it takes me a long time to fix it. It's just that I'm looking at this thinking "Why are you not working?" Only to later find that, of course, it's been modified. By. Mr. Fucking. Dumbass.
Who is that genius at Microsoft thought about that if adding a new email to outlook on Android and credentials are wrong, CLOSE THE WINDOW AND GO BACK TO SETTINGS!!
Error message says wrong username/password then let me fucking fix them not go back and enter everything from scratch (outgoing, incoming servers, username, password)
Fuck this shit -_-
yeah I am a software engineer.
yea I am a programmer too.
yeah I am behind my laptop all the time..
but no I don't want to fix your computer.
I have no interest in changing your windows, installing antivirus on your pc and so on..
just understand it , God damn these shit people :(
Follow up to my other rant https://devrant.com/rants/4994932/...
I have finally fixed the bug i couldnt fix for over several weeks. I was just missing a fucking if statement check. Not expecting this to work, i compiled, tested and it worked perfectly on the first fly.
Immediately i shit you not have i broken down crying. Sobbing in tears. Uncontrollably crying down on my table for several minutes and cant refocus to continue coding. I have NEVER cried because of a fucking bug fix! But i have also NEVER had a problem so much difficult that i needed several weeks to fix it!
All i want to do is write code. Give me time, space, and stop bothering me so often and I can fix the shitty outsourced code. I can do it, really. I can write a ton of resdesign docs and improve so much shit. But I can't do ANY OF IT BECAUSE THESE FUCKS ARE ALWAYS PAWNING OFF WORK ONTO ME AND REFUSING TO LET ME GET MY HANDS DIRTY.
Stop asking me to email people. Stop asking me to update documentation that isn't for my features. Stop bothering me. Stop. Fucking. Bothering. Me. All. The. Goddamn. Damn.
Stop it stop it stop it fucking stop. I don't care about the PM's dumbfuck braindead statements and always wanting to pick a fight with me. I don't care that x environment is down. I don't care that your shitty overseas programmers can't tell their own ass from their head. I do care that I have the skills to fix it if you would give me the fucking time and space.
Instead of having me do all the mundane tasks that your shitty ape programmers could do overseas, let me have some fucking room to breath and I can fix this shitty fuck of a project and Maybe I can save it before it collapses on itself you dumb fucks
Holy shit im pissy today4
DFW the client decides to not renew the contract, and so their start hiring their own developers. This guy decides to fix a layout problem by putting everything in a table element, breaking a bunch of other shit he didn't test for before committing. Fucking end me now, please.
As if it‘s not shit enough that I have internet with the speed 1.2 Mbits, now something broke with the connection and the internet disconnects like 5 times per minute the whole day.
And now I need to wait for some technician to come and check (and hopefully fix) what‘s wrong. And I hope it won‘t take him days to do that. I need the internet now! 😣9
Not sure if yelling at someone for not listening counts as a fight.. 🤔 since he wasn't listening..ever!!
But yeah, my ex coworker was a champion in not listening and doing stoooopid shit, from not following orders, to cheking in all the files in solution to tfs (no changes + debugging shit etc) which made it a nightmare to find and fix his bugs.. I just gave up talking to him alltogether since he only wasted my time and didn't listen to any advice/order..
argh!!!! The fucking IT guy just went in and changed shit without permission on the company intranet I manage. It was awful! A subpage would literally have 25 words on it and then a link to a doc that referred to list of files on another subpage! WTF! Also these were not added to the navigation bar either. This is a Google site so easy to fix it but mothafucka jeez!!!
You know what you shouldnt do? Leave your bag with your work laptop at the stairs.
Woke up as normal today and helped the kids down the stairs without checking. Then I just heard how I stepped on something.
Lets say its a big crack in the middle of the screen and you see shit. But gladly it work with work with external screens so its just the screen that are damaged. So tomorrow I must either:
- Work as normal with an external monitor and simply wait to call the boss for fix until after christmas.
- Or call the boss and tell him how stupid I am and hope its okay and I van get a new one/fix this.
Right now I feel for the first one.3
Let me tell all of you who don't like big frameworks..
The nice thing about them is that they minimize the amount of SHIT CODE all of you who think you know how to code, but actually don't, write..
And minimizes the amount of headache for the devs who need to then maintain/fix/change your SHIT CODE.
yes...lets put routes 10 dirs deep into the project and let ppl look for it..3
Some of my co-workers are so fucking dumb. Their thought process....
Let's re-run tests that are currently failing over and over until it works
like bitch....fix it then run it! don't just run shit over and over to make yourself look busy.1
I told you fucking moron clients doing that "little" change would be complicated and in the worst case it would end fucking up your whole spaghetti crap. A really HUGE spaghetti monster of that you aren't aware because you guys don't know a shit about coding conventions.
*Clients call me complaining about their software is broken*
-Hey, we're in serious trouble. Our users aren't being able to see the proper calculated values. Why that little change had so much side effects?
- I already told you why.
- Can you fix it asap? Our clients are complaining.
- No. Deploy an old copy of the affected modules while you give me a prudent time to refactorize that crap.
I used to work in their place, 3 years later I quit that crappy job and decided to make them my clients. I escaped from the micromanaging thing but I didn't from their ugly practices.
Anyways, I have to fix this shit asap. Money talks, at least until I can find a better client.
Picking up some uncomment code:
var_dump() and console.log() everywhere
1h later: shit I think I lost it again...
2h later: It was a 2-3 lines fix..
I'm developing a web app, which is purely based on some commercial .NET driven API. The documentation is a 12 page MS Word file with incorrect parameters and non-existing endpoints. I think there's also a cronjob which purposely crashes their server every 15minutes. I just love getting client emails saying I need to fix my app and get my shit together.
Android Studio is by far worst development environment I've ever seen. Slow as fuck, messed up and cumbersome, not much better than eclipse. Menus are hilariously fucked up. On top of that, clear new setup (on Windows) may as well melt up your PC if you have that shit running overnight: after a weekend I came to the office and my MBP is fucking screaming and breathing hot air... I was WTF is that, and when I logged in, this fucking garbage android studio was taking 100% of all 8/16 cores ... WHAT A FUCKING HIDEOUS PILE OF SHIT FROM GOOGLE. Google: please kill this project, no need to improve or fix it, it's garbage. Start over.26
Ubuntu 16 lts wifi drivers have problem and i am unable to fix this shit, everytime there's a new problem with ubuntu I hate ubuntu now for these many problems I'm not going to use it again.
If I didn't find any good linux distro I think I should switch to mac31
- found an app which suprisingly good suites my use case
- kind of buggy here and there but overall great for me and way more than i hoped to find
- it's open source but has a premium mode with some niceties locked
--> yes i want to premium!!
- pay what you want but at least 28 €
- have a look at the repo to maybe fix and improve by myself
--> Holy shit what is this demonic realm of chaotic wasteland.
Ever since i learned terraform i cannot go back. I cant fucking use the ui anymore. This shit is too good. 1 command to create all bullshit and 1 command to destroy all bullshit. Fantastic. Misconfigured shit? Just fix it in a file and 1 command to update it. Perfect. Need to add more shit? Add more lines and 1 command to update. Shitastic. Instead of misconfiguring bullshit or forgetting to delete some shit manually i can simply just do it all 1 command no errors
HOWEVER i noticed sometimes even terraform gets fucked up with bullshit. When im destroying my infra it infinitely says destroying. As if its stuck in that loop. No idea why. So i have to manually destroy the bullshit and then run destroy a fww more times till it works5
* Fix sleep schedule
* Eat better and gain 20 pounds
* Don't yell at future contributors
* Be very kind to everyone except that one "client"
* Review every PR with patience except that ones from that "client" because I am a petty maintainer
* You'll never understand the pain, "client". Be a human or eat shit.
* Maybe be a maintainer at a different open source project so I don't have to deal with script kiddies 24/7
* Fix sleep schedule so I won't be dev ranting at 6am4
When McDonald's janitors are writing code...
Dev1: *creates a MR*
Code: for each HTTP request do
Executors.newFixedThreadPool(validators.size()); // effectively meaning will start 7 new threads for each incoming request
// other stuff
Dev2: ^^ ??? Fix that shit. This will cause performance problems.
Dev1: *updates the code*
int THREAD_NUMBER = 10;
// other stuff
Can I BE facepalming any more?4
NodeJS C++ add-on is one of the best and worst thing ever to exist in NodeJS.
Writing a native add-on is such a fucking pain. It's full of inconsistent API. They are trying to fix that by the introduction of N-API. But that shit is still in experimental mode.
I want to use nan but I know that that is also going to be deprecated once the N-API gets stable.
we're doing a massive database migration and trying to fix a lot of shit that was done for years in the db. problem is, i have to cater to a business major asshat that doesn't know the first thing about working with data and he's responsible for 99% of the shit we're trying to clean up.
his response to the problem i brought up in his stuff? "we can deal with it later, right now i need it like this". this is why you guys have a shit database, because we have to spoil this idiot. then they complain everything takes forever to run and the database is bloated and somehow it is our fault.
I'm really holding myself right now, because i already went off on him once and he basically called me hysterical, and our boss likes him too much to antagonize the bastard. but god i wish i could run over him11
First day back at my old workplace and the guy who replaced me as storeman is going to put me in an early grave...
Literally all of the work I put in over the past year and a bit is gone...
Welp... Let's hope I can get a higher up position soon so I can fix this shit heap .-.
Worst: Spending a week in npm, node, react hell trying to triage a ReactNative iOS/Android app that even the OG dev couldn't fix and FAILING.
This is the only code in like 20 fuckin years that beat me.
Best: Watching the fall of western democracy with a giant shit eating "I told you so" grin.6
When a client (that I’m building an admin dashboard for) calls me in a panic and tells me all their servers are down and asks me to fix them.
Of course I don’t even have access to their DevOps stuff, but I get access from them, log on, and...
Fix the issue in 2 minutes!
You know, because I’m a baller and I do baller shit.
Installing the nvidia drivers on my linux machine is the bigges nightmare I've come across sofar. As soon as I have installed it and reboot, blackscreen and literally no way around it. Starting the desktop, nah stuck in a crashloop. Installing different driver, same issue. Using diffrent distro, that shit wont even boot properly. Uninstalling the driver seems to fix it but whats the point of running only on third gen i5 graphics. Shit cant even handle 1080p yt properly. And there are ppl saying if it aint broke dont fix it. FFS I DESPISE MAKING COMPROMISES WHEN I FUCKING KNOW IT CAN WORK BUT ATM IT IS NOT IN THE FREAKING MOOD TO DO SO!4
I try to do one thing, I try to make one thing a little better and the universe shovels shit in my face. I’m just trying fix all this old outdated shot and I keep getting shit on in so many ways. I’m trying so hard to not become a bitter angry old man but damn if I don’t understand the bitter angry old mans motives right now. Fuck this ongoing onslaught of crashes and shit shows.
Everybody when a forced update is released: "I hate forced updates!! They can't force me to do shit!!"
Everybody when a massive ransomware attack happens: "You should've updated when the update came out, so you aren't vulnerable!"
If they made the fix for the WannaCry vulnerability forced, the attack wouldn't have been as big as it was.
Confession: I wish they made more forced updates :/
Also, I'll probably get a lot of hate about this...3
Why in the fuck is it so hard to see buttons when kb selecting with tab in a browser? It's like:
"Tab....Tab.....Tab Tab Tab... oops, went too far,
Shift + Tab, Shift + Tab.... fuck!, too far left.. wait, is that button actually highlighted, oh it is too, wtf."
It's 2019, why is this still a thing?8
How greedy can you get?
> boss takes half assed gdpr project : branch xyz
> branch xyz requires deprecated version of npm/node
> I re-install node this time with deprecated version
> Wow this node is configured with ant build
> ECMA 5, config but code is shit as fuck
> still I get the job done , cannot test it because code is shit as fuck and I will never any thing to fix that un healthy code
> code doesn't run on client side,
> no shit Sherlock
> get a call from boss, it urget look in it and fix it
Today after 6 years I used windows in my cousin's laptop for the first time... I felt really bad for the people still using windows..
Tried to fix a dll problem in her system and still no idea how to fix that shit...
Great job Microsoft...11
So I made a car configurator for a big car manufacturer.
it's working awesome on all devices except motherfucking chrome on ios.
The canvas does not resize completely after device rotation . and I can't even remote debug the shit.
So right now at 12 AM, alone in the office and deploying vorlonjs on Azure to remote debug the shit out of it.
Let's hope I can fix it.6
Started fixing one file in one repo, build, doesn't build, go into other repo fix just one file there, but first I need to make myself a toolchain, making of toolchain fails because it depends on some dirty fix in the file I was fixing, refactor and clean that to a proper state, fuck yeah toolchain builds, source toolchain run make now, breaks with undefined reference, no time to debug plus fuck this automake, remove it, make a makefile, builds fuck yeah, shit now unittest are failing because why not, refactored that makefile as well, everything compiles, automate the test fully so that they are ran on the target out of make just because I'm a nice guy, fuck yeah everything works, commit this repo, commit other repo, review time, one of the guys gave up, the other one did it properly, found some shit there, fix that, done, merge, triggers CI fucking pass
All of this was done in 3h, Talk about efficiency
That moment when you build your app around a clients development API only to find out their production API responds about 8x slower... I'm sorry, it's not my fault your API server takes 4000 ms for a SIMPLE response. My app isn't the problem. Fix your shit.1
What the fuck is XCode's fucking problem? This bullshit has happened so many times, and the only fucking way to fix this shit is by manually retyping the whole fucking thing!7
Working from home. Most of the team is off. Client has an official half day. Most of them are off. Instead of being online at 7 am, gonna get online around 850 just before daily standup. Laying in bed, enjoying the cool sheets and the fact that there's no rush. ~0730 team lead calls, user shit himself and I need to fix it. Server issue? Nope. Data issue? Nope. Portal bug? Nope.
Client input conflicting data and can't progress with tool.2
My family literally knows nothing about development, programming, computer science. It's bad. The closest anyone in my family has come to understanding is a distant cousin, who is an IT lead in Healthcare. His mother told him to call me because some fucking piece of shit at his job purposefully mucked up an internal ASP.net app on his way out. Sure, I had nothing better to do than to phone debug your shitty app with zero context. Great.
My wife is the one who comes closest to understanding in my immediate family* but even she admits when I come home ranting that she has absolutely zero idea what I'm saying.
It great though because I get to use her as a living rubber duck that just stares at me with a blank expression. Then at the end of describing a complex problem I'm trying to sort out she just replies with some encouraging thing like, "I'm certain you'll figure it out."
Fuck this is a long rant. Sorry. I better get back to work.
I love working as one-man army in multiple projects. Just love.
I got sick, stayed in bed for a week and now, after getting back to work, everything went to shit. And there's no one but me to fix the whole mess.
Fuck this shit! We had bug on website when tinymce was showing broken tables and could not save them correctly. So, the first thing you think about is tinymce is fucked up and you have to either upgrade, downgrade or fix it fucking yourself. Well, I spend more than hour tryingto figure this out. Then I found out that some fucker set column length in DB where data are stored to varchar 800!!! WTF, are you fucking serious?
When you have a lot of work to do and don't want to come out of bed.
But once in awhile, you wake up early, bursting with energy and you think: "Today I'm going to fix every single line of code that looks like a pice of shit!"
Douchebag coworker. Asked me how my work trip went (big client demo) and asked if anything that I was "complaining and whining" about went poorly. Mind you I was bitching about having to clean up HIS SHIT because he completely dropped the ball on the project. I had to go in and finish or fix all of the things he didn't do or did super poorly. I literally just told him to fuck off and stopped talking to him.1
Having to work for clients sucks. They are so rude. "We sent an issue over yesterday and it's still not fixed". You think you're our only customer? You think this shit is automated and takes no time to fix? You think you have resources working on you stuff 24/7. You don't man. Get in the queue and be grateful a load of time and effort goes in to your website. Sit down and stfu. Ahhh... that's better.1
Omg it's one of these day. A lot of small shit to fix, nothing's deploying correctly, the stupid library sn't working, forcing me to do a repro everytime...10
College broke my school VM by "accidentally" pushing a policy to just me that disables being able to start anything after logging in (no DWM or Explorer, either, so just login, then infinite abyss.) Fine, nothing I can't fix, i got around shit like this in middle school. Reboot... can't get to the school's webpage. No DNS...?
Windows disabled all the network services. Why? Defender didn't start, is why. Why not? School broke it. Goddammit. Gotta fix that.
There, are we ready now? NO, OFFICE ATE SHIT. FUCK, LEMME REBOOT AGAIN...
How about now? Everything works? Cool, let's get some work done. Download assignment, and... file's busted. Redownload? Nope. One more try? Nothing.
I am going to flip my shit I swear to fuck
implementing an email verification .. it shows differently in different email .. If I fix something for yahoomail .. it shows broken in gmail .. just fedup of this .. my whole day has been wasted for this shit today .. 😑😑7
well shit. i get back from vacation to find out that facebook disabled our fb app for some violation i forgot to fix before leaving. fuckfuckfuck.
"This thing you wrote to read text files isn't working and I don't have time to figure out so why don't you come fix it."
Well, no shit it isn't working. Your genius ass decided not to include the extension on the path... Something you would have realized had you taken the 15 seconds needed to read the error message. The fuck were you thinking?2
OK, I know the general consensus of StackOverflow on DevRant...but jesus h christ...do devs not debug their own shit anymore? I can't say how many times I see "I get this exception...how do I fix...hurrr durrr....". When it all comes down to it, if they just attached a debugger and looked that variables/properties, they'd see what kind of stupid shit they are doing.
This internal api is killing me. Why the fuck do people return an array of numbers inside a field that has a generic name such as `icons` to convey information such as "hasOptionFooIncluded". Because of course then icons contains '6'. Yet if both 6 and 4 are in there, it means something else. Needless to say there is no documentation whatsoever what each number or group of numbers actually means so I have to ask around to find out what numbers means what in order to wrap that call away into something maintainable. Because the API is deprecated and we don't want to fix shit in there. We just create other shit depending on this crappile. :/
Stop using magic numbers. Just stawp it!
1. Updated kubernetes shit image
2. For hours cant figure out why shits showing v1 instead of v2
3. Thought it was caching shit
4. Ran --no-cache command to fix this shit
5. Wasted half a day to debug this shit
6. Turns out in kubernetes deployment yaml there was imagePullPolicy set to IfNotPresent, instead of Always. The shit wasnt pulling the v2 because the image (v1) was already present. This shit blows my mind5
Fuck this week is 3/5 allready over. I have to fix a fucking serious performance bottle neck until the end of it or else they will allow some clue- und planless idiots to spill the poor innocent software with complete useless kubernetes jizz just because they heard someone saying this helps with performance in the next toilet cubicle while taking a shit or whatever.5
Why you literally took fucking half hour to fix this shit, I’m telling you, there is only a naming problem there, nothing else!
And his title is
“SeNiOr FrOnT-eNd DeVeLoPeR”4
welcome to my review of windows 10 and the surface 3
windows 10 and surface tablets are utter S H I T
my mom has a surface 3 and it's the most frikin retarded piece of hardware I've ever used
the keyboard spontaneously stops working and the surface needs to be restarted to fix it
today it was spontaneously restarting for no reason
it is shit
and retarded win10 preinstalls shit like candy crush, seriously who tf wanted that
it opens frikin links in edge EVEN WHEN CHROME IS THE DEFAULT BROWSER SHIT
I wasn't here for a long time, maybe because everything was ok. Until yesterday. One of my friends works for a government organization and they fucked a big database lately and every member was working their ass to fix it. My friend gave all of his current freelance jobs to me. I don't usually do freelance because I don't like working under such stress. For 2 days I've experienced the stress of my year and fuck this shit never ends. EVERY FUCKING TIME I FINISH A FUCKING TASK, NEW ONE APPEARS. I FUCKING HATE IT AND CAN'T STOP IT BECAUSE IT IS NOT MINE OWN. FUCK THIS SHIT I CAME FROM VACATION A WEEK AGO AND NOW I NEED A NEW ONE.2
Day 3 as the Junior Dev.
Co worker fucks every time on defining functions in python
What my asshole teammate does is:
And he was clearly instruct to return value not print the value what a jerk he is.
I have to fix his all problems and in meeting he brags how his code worked. What a sucker.4
What a vast and great eco-system we have (refering to js and npm) almost every time I am trying to use two libs and combine them to work together some shit happens.
So I wanted to have lean and good written code without introducing unnecessary renders and logic.
Ended up doing just that because 'we know about issue with our library, many users told us that, too bad we wont fix that shit', so I feel like a 'workaround' developer at some hackathon right now!
Holy fuck, I though working with Wordpress was a fucking nightmare, but it’s a dream compared to the shit I am estimating maintenance on...
It’s running on Asp.net and the Sitecore cms... I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on anywhere
I’ve estimated 3-4 days for doing basic maintenance like improving SEO and fix some minor semantics. Everything is wrapped in a fucking <form> element, I mean every fucking thing. It goes;
<body><form method=POST>shit content</form><body>2
I've never had to put up with bullshit after bullshit after FUCKING BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE
ONE THING GOES WRONG SO I MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE OH SHIT I LOST THE CORD, FOUND IT, DOESNT WORK, FIX THAT, "COULD NOT EXPAND FILESYSTEM PLEASE TRY RASPI CONFIG" BLAH BLAH. I WAKE UP THINKING TODAY WILL GO SMOOTHLY BUT LINUX DECIDES TO FUCK ME OVER THEN I TRY TO GO TO THE PI BUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO JUST REFUSES TO WORK6
The feels when your senior developer is telling you that you don't need a debug version of your application that is kept up to date for you to work on.
The feels when he then tells you that you should find the problem in the code it, fix it and commit, and wait for someone else to run it and see if it works. And if not, repeat.
My senior developer wants me to blind commit fixes without even checking if they do shit.
Pinch me please.1
Designer: 'Help! The parallax website I designed is running really slowly. Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!'
Me (In my head): 'Yeah, no shit. Can't think why...'
"You need me to fix a report? Ok... Since I don't have access to that server, email me the report."
"Umm, it doesn't have connection info. Can you send me the username/pass for the DB?"
"Ok, so the DB isn't set to work normally on this report and has to be a UDL file... Can you send me that file?"
"All done, here you go!"
"WTF do you mean you're getting a database connection error and you're looking to me to fix it? You seriously don't remember that it's all shit you gave me?"
Dear Microsoft, I see what you were going for, and I love you for it; but for the love of god, please fucking fix the clusterfuck that is Nuget.
I use a private feed for client work, and I have the public source registered too, so why would installing a new .core template from Nuget fail just because it tried the private feed first and shit itself?
It really shouldn’t be this hard.
I just wanna cry rn, I'm not even mad. Something happened while trying to install High Sierra on my third partition and somehow both my drives (HDD and SSD) stopped working. Nothing boots. Files? Probably gone. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I was careful, I didn't click or execute anything I didn't know. How? Just... How?
Now I have to hope my important stuff is still there and I can recover it. If it's just the EFI fucked up, ok, I can fix it. If the partition table is fucked up (most probable) idk if I can fix it, hopefully I can. AAARGH
There goes my entire day or even the entire weekend... All because I don't own a piece of shit of an iPhone and needed an emulator to try to reproduce an issue on a fucking webapp for a client.8
When you have to fix a bug that's just happening in IE11 on Windows 7... 😧😩 well, nobody should even be using that shit!!!4
When you do work on a front end ticket. You implement the things as UX tells you to, make a few mistakes, fix those as well when QA catches them.
But then UX realizes other improvements they can make , so you toss some of those in and move some of the other shit to tech debt to avoid possibly failing the sprint due to rabbit hole of front end awfulness because you suck at your job.
Then later somebody else a couple degrees above you in job hierarchy, notes a couple tips and things you could fix unrelated to your ticket. But when will it ever end or do. I suck and hate front end work, AY LMAO LEMME SUBMIT THE SAME SHIT WHICH RENDERS DIFFERENTLY BETWEEN CHROME vs CHROMIUM AND EVERYTHING THAT USES CHROMIUM.1
Jesus fucking Christ windows firewall is a tumor on this Earth. Serious who the hell thought of the design for that shit? The way rules are implemented are fucking terrible and you really can't tell one choice from the other. All I needed was for a game to be allowed through my firewall so I could host games and it took hours to fix this problem.
Visual Studio Freaking 2017 and still no freaking XAML intellisense for freaking Xamarin.
Freaking spent more than one hour searching for a freaking fix in vain. Might as well have used that freaking hour and learn the whole freaking Xamarin.Forms XAML vocabulary. This shit sucks.1
so yeah all i wanted to do was to install ffmpeg and it starting bitching about some dependancy errors and when i tried to fix it, i ended up wrecking my whole system because i started to play around with the sources list....
FUXK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUXKDJXHSISBSKSHAKXHKDHDUXODKCHSJDNSHDH FUCKKKK YOUUUUUUUUU IM SO TEMPTRD TO FORMAT THE WHOLE LAPTOP BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT FUCK7
"uhhh, whenever I want to install something on windows, it works unlike x"
MAN GO FUCK YOURSELF.
WINDOWS STOPS WORKING RANDOMLY. SOME APPLICATIONS ARE JUST PEW GONE.
YESTERDAY, I COULD PLAY LOL. TODAY, I NEED TO SPEND HOURS TRYING TO FIX IT.
YOU STUPID SACK OF SHIT, DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I REINSTALLED WINDOWS?
DOTA IS BETTER
yeah, maybe. 2hard for me tho3
Fuck... What am i doing with my life... 3years of college down the road learning android and nothing else, currently neither fully graduate nor employed. Can't make an app bigger or more useful than a fucking todo, can't use my skills to earn, Currently earning not even a penny, parents fighting everyday, struggling to make a living , am a fucking waste :'/
Those open sourcing assholes have awesome apps that i want to read, understand and fix their code, but they aren't gonna pay me shit. Plus they were the ones to have the guts to make full scale apps and open sourcing them, i can't make shit without giving them a month. How am i gonna survive 😔3
I have a pain in my right side at some points of the day that kinda been getting a bit more painful in the pasr few weeks.
I did a CT scan and ultrasound that didn't reveal anything odd, and am awaiting some blood and urine test results.
The options are, it reveals:
1) Something easy to fix.
2) Some end of life shit that will ruin my wife and children emotionally and financially. Also might cause even more depression to my parents.
Not sure if i actually managed to fix it or fuckitup/obfuscate it even more, so people will still be debugging this shit in 20+ years.. 🤔1
Day 8. My suffering with no internet connection... has finally come to an end. I had to call the internet providers from outside of my city (capital) so they can come here and fix the internet. They came within 30 mins and fixed this bullshit in 2 minutes, while the engineers and electricians in my city failed to do it for over 8 days. This is astonishingly mindbending to me
In the city where i live everyone seems to be extremely dumb slave and incompetent to do their jobs while people living in the capital city get shit done asap
Need a good doctor that can actually fucking heal you? Go to capital
Need a good doctor that actually knows how to heal your fucking dog? Go to capital
Want to earn more money? Go to capital
Need an electrician who actually knows how to fix the electrical problem? Call the capital city
Need software engineer who actually fucking knows their shit? Go to capital
Need your dick sucked right? Go to capital
Almost everything seems to be done right and fast by people from outside of my fucking city. Of course there are plenty of shit even they cant do. But people in my city cant do ANYTHING right
Im so frustrated and annoyed. Tired of all the shit. Too much shit happening in my life rn. Life gangfking me from All fking directions7
I need to stop trying to get involved with projects my boss seems to be keeping me away from...
Just stay in my own domain... Let everyone else screw up and say not my problem when they come asking me for help... Pretend I don't know...
Just let them build a pile of shit and don't tell them how they fucked up or how to fix...
It seems like lately more and more people are joining this massive wave of Linux converts. And part of me is like "well fuck yeah, why wouldn't they? Shit just makes sense with linux."
But then I stop and consider what some of the hipster YouTubers are saying when they say "how to fix when your hipster OS is broken by pacman by installing Ubuntu blah, blah, ad nauseum."... Which Linux distro is /truly/ the most "hipster" distro of them all?6
Shitty legacy codebase made by shovelling pile of different shit by some 'cool dude' who left the company 3 years ago. Fixing bugs on this pile of shit all the time, but also I have to document everything as documentation wasn't there at all and fix the whole damn project in the meantime. No linters, no types, ancient libraries that have shitton of issues, hacky behaviours wherever you look, no tests whatsoever.
Except when we want to refactor/rewrite we don't get time for fixing the whole shit as it is worthless - there's no value for customers in that.
the other one was shitty HR talk which consisted of bashing on my technical competencies by computer illiterate troglodyte after which I left the company. They asked me could I stay for 2 more months.
That was that one single NO that felt so great that I will remember it for the rest of my life.
OMF you motherfucking Eclipse developers. All I want is to build an application with SWT. WHY THE FUCKING FUCK is that near impossible.
1) why are there no SWT maven artifacts= only 3 year old ones on a custom github repo?
2) why is is fucking rocket science to even find a guide on how to build this fucking piece of shit yourself
3) WHY THE FRIGGIN FUCKING FUCK OF FUCKS is it so hard to build it your self - outdated docs .... nice, dead links and repos, nicer .... referenced maven artifacts from a non-existing, none-documented repo, ... wow you're really kickin it here.
All I want is to fix this nullpointer in this fucking piece of shit you call framework ...
Have you actually tried to read your docs (can we really call that shit docs?) from a none-100years-swt dev's point of view?
Noone understands shit!
Why is there no standard build system, like maven, grade or for fuck's sake even ant?
It almost feels if you devs don't want anyone use your abomination, so it can die in peace.
Arg, I could puke ...5
Ok, im hired here as a frontender. Formally the designer did a bit of it. The site is shit. I want to fix everything about it basically. But, the thing is that we are working according to gitflow so someone has to check my code. But backend is like: thats frontend. And the designer is too busy and just wants to see the pixels. So who is check my PR’s now? Guess i’ll do it eventually... it’s going to test first anyway3
trying to analyze and debug code from a wordpress plugin -> fml!
i should just dump this shit and make my own. oh, no time and budget, no problem, i love to spend hours reading someones code and beeing inefficient as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(i suggested to do it on our own a few weeks ago, now i should fix it till end of the day)2
I have some friends who finished undergrad together and they are working on side jobs at the moment. From my experience with them, they wrote shit code and their deployment methods were a mess. I remember everytime I pointed out something wrong and tried to fix it, all they said was "it works" and they seemed proud and didn't bother to fix anything. Plus they didn't even know how to use git properly and they didn't merge my code that actually fixed the problems before submitting the project because they didn't know how to use git merge. Fuck them. I'm so glad I no longer have to work with them. It's a shame that they're working on projects for small to medium sized companies (that can't afford someone to actually review their work) writing shit code with bad practices because some day, somebody has to clean up that mess when shit goes down.. Dumb proud programmers..fuck1
Oh my... Webkit is trolling me again. How easy was it to style a website in Firefox and then I found out it looks like shit in Chrome. I can't event fix it fuckkkk.
The best part of the story - it's Bootstrap so I would assume it could work the same across the browsers.2
I never stop being amazed by how one of your people call and say "client X is stuck they can't do shit omg omg top tier emergency" and when you ask them what's the issue they say "well idk they didn't say anything, how are you gonna fix it?" as if i had a magic wand and could fix everyone's problems with a snap of my fingers and understanding what's happening with literally 0 details.
Turns out 1 minute later the "issue" was due to the customer being dumb, software was more than fine and running correctly 🤔
All i wanted was a toolbaritem which i can hide depending on a propery in my viewmodel (xamarin forms). that shithead does not have a damn IsVisible property so i had to make some custom shit for this. Result is that my page does not load anymore. no fucking error visible in output window.
could not resolve a bug in time as i have to pick up my girlfriend and do some social shit.
now i am on the road. all i can think of is getting back to my pc and fix this.
we need you to fix this bug that cannot be reproduced
ugh so now i have to go figure out how to reproduce it? i dont think this shit is even priority4
We have a somewhat experience developer for whom we have to CONSTANTLY fix his type errors. He just doesn't seem to grasp the idea that there is a difference between integers, strings, floats, etc. and that when you don't bother with them, things get a little screwed up.
Actually get out of my shit job, and move into IT.
Also fix my left constantly dislocating shoulder before I lose it.
And the obvious, learn more ...1
More linux driver woes:
Driver is passed a file position and byte count when asked to read from a device. Sounds easy, right? FUCK no.
For reads, driver is passed struct `filp` with field `f_pos`, a direct pointer to the same struct field, int `count` as a number of bytes to read, and `buf` to return those bytes with. Problem is, requesting, say, 256 bytes from location 10000000h will give the driver `filp->f_pos = 0`, `f_pos = 256`, and `count = 0`. I don't know how to fix this and there's NO help for this shit. None whatsoever.
This shit, right here, is why Linux drivers suck ass.4
Firefox if you want to be the best shit, better fix/ implement most of newer ECMA standards(well a decade old actually), otherwise I have no choice but to use the spyware shit called Google Chrome.1
I started catching feelings for my toilet. It's always been there for me to help me take all the bullshit out of me. Now i feel bad for shitting at it so much. In fact after unclogging the toilet it now hasnt got enough water inside so now the shit smells more. Gotta find a way to fix this toilet just how it found a way to fix me5
When you discover a rather big security flaw in a mate code and your boss tell you that he might fix it for "version 2", for now we are good. Wtf, we are just hurting ourselves if this shit gets discovered by some other guy.
We are developing an android app for management and selling, for other company and we are a litte short in time for finishing the first version, but fuck, its a big security flaw.
Soo I finally uploaded my framework for Java Web last week.
It works great except for forwarding POST requests but meh, I'll fix it later.
Currently it only works for newer Minecraft Spigot version's and BungeeCord, because fucking netty is a piece of shit and Apache commons also... But I'll release a standalone version hopefully next month (maybe even next weekend).
And on the website from Spigot where you can find the link to my GitHub, there were two dicks which tried to steal my code and complained about my obfuscation... The didn't even fucking tried the plugin and gave me 1 star... Fucking pieces of shit fuck...
Anyway: here is the link!
Ok, im hired here as a frontender. Formally the designer did a bit of it. The site is shit. I want to fix everything about it basically. But, the thing is that we are working according to gitflow so someone has to check my code. But backend is like: thats frontend. And the designer is too busy and just wants to see the pixels. So who is checking my PR’s now? Guess i’ll do it eventually... it’s going to test first anyway2
I'm starting to grow fucking tired to fix bugs. I know this is a part of the development process, but shit, I've been doing this for two whole months now
There was a colleague working on some functionality , he worked it well and I didn't bother to check his code, asi thought he may be writing it well.
But when I needed to fix some functionality , I seen the code and I don't belive it was a complete shit... But still works ....
Has anyone experienced the same ....8
Anyone else's job expect you to fix bugs in your niche app that even the global giants don't give a shit about? Like, have you seen the weird shit that happens with YouTube and Hulu? Our app has neither the staff nor the budget of these big brands, if they haven't fixed it, we probably won't.2
Programming at a job to me is no longer creating something fun and valuable; it's more like figuring out why shit doesn't work, con-stant-ly.
It' s like coming in to your desk every morning, dreading the day because there's yesterday's shit to fix. "Hmm, what shall today be like? Oh yes, troubleshooting why my database model doesn't work, redesign it completely and break my mind over db details. The next day? Having to redesign my classes to implement new patterns because apparently the current design isn't good enough." Even if you work on new deliverables, that's just new problems in disguise anyway.
Pleasant? Not really.
Fuckin damn it Google! I setup a transparent proxy and for some fucking reason Google home doesn't like that at all. I think I have a fix but it's a real fucking pain in the ass. I call your support people who I specifically tell that I'm running a fucking proxy and they tell me that I need to talk to their Google WiFi team. It has nothing Todo with my fucking wifi bitch. Its your price of shit price of crap hardware that doesn't like fucking proxies.
I'll update everyone what the fix is when I find it.
Btw, this is a HTTPS transparent proxy and HTTP transparent proxy running on my pFSense firewall box.5
Client: Excuse me, I know it's your day off, but I need you to fix my website it's urgent!!!
Me thinking: Excuse me while i chop your head off, shit down your neck and feed your remains to the pigs!2
when you're the unlucky fuck and/or too stupid to get green builds so you get flamed when the flaky automated tests (from before your time, not written by you) rear their head and shit all over you
you then get flamed for not going out of your way for fixing them, as the team verbally agreed to do so, but very rarely if at all has anybody done so (it's not so easy trying to fix something when you don't have consistent steps to reproduce)1
thank you for unexpectedly changing your code i included on your recommendation and now all of my modules are broken!
even if this is just a side project i hate when others break my shit and i don't even have the time to fix it.1
Lesson learned from my previous rant:
CPU bottleneck spotted. Time to fix some shit.
nvidia-docker vs native code execution brings around 10% performance decrease so far.
when you don't know how to front end css and you get help from your tech leads and now you have to sit through the slow nitpicking of various dogshit mismatched overhangs and pixel jiggling that already exist in your product and may or may not be related to your ticket
well at least at the end of the call they helped you fix the shit for your ticket4
When you come across the generated script of a H5 banner from client's production house, you are tempted to rewrite the whole thing instead of fixing the bug.
If you really decided to fix it, in the end you found out you spent nearly 100x more time on this piece of shit, and that makes you feel really bad.1
Anyone ever heard of robot framework? Its the biggest pile of shit i have ever seen! WHY THE FUCK CREATE A TEST FRAMEWORK FOR TESTERS WITHOUT REAL CODE AND JUST KEYWORDS WHEN ITS SO FUCKING COMPLICATED TO USE THAT NO FUCKING TESTER CAN DO ANYTHING WITHOUT HELP OF A DEVELOPER. this shit tests cost me hours each week to fix because every minor change breaks like a a dozend of tests... i dont rant often but everytime i have to fucking take a lool at that shit a start to boil...3
Well fucking shit, I built util-linux from source and restarted my Debian installation without knowing that mount needed new libraries, so I can't fix it from the install itself because mount no longer works properly and and the root partition mounts as read only. My only hope is to take the SSD out and put it in my laptop (The BIOS on this machine doesn't like booting from external drives for some reason...), boot from a recovery disk, chroot, and re-install util-linux that way.2
When you're a week behind in school because shit broke in production every night this week 🥲 I wish I could lucid dream so I could have some sweet relief by having superpowers or some shit.
But no, instead I get to be Mr. Fix-it lmao
I think you already know by now, but I have to say it. The update of the discord app is utter shit, brought only downgrades to me and they still refuse to fix bug that have been prevalent on their platform for years to force their shiny, new, untested bullshit down your throat
Spent my whole day (9-6) trying to fix some problem with local server. End of the day. The problem is still there and i dont know a single shit what make the problem. Frog !
Going a little outside the format of the topic, but I remember the moment I realized I wanted to pursue code.
I was really into Transport Tycoon and I was trying to pin down exactly what I enjoyed about it. There's something about that process of inventing a solution before you pull back, look at it, and go "holy shit, it works". I can't think of any other career where I'd get that same fix.
Imagine supporting blackbox software that still uses practices from the 1980s - unreadable 5 string DB2 column names, a custom piece of shit language you have to edit in what is essentially an Excel editor live on the server, etc.
Even better, the company that supports it has 6 month fix/release turnarounds. Six months in 2017!
don't you just love it when you have to fix a system that consists on unnecessary junk code, horrible/lack of indentation, no documentation and the clients says "I don't know what happened fix it and I'll post you good"
I mean, I live for this shit man!
I guess i have to be thankful for not knowing whomever wrote this fucking piece of shit of a PHP app that i have to fix stupid bugs in a daily basis.
Cause if i did know the bastard.. i'm pretty sure i would fucking bash his useless head in with anything i had in my hands at the moment... FUCK!.
The level of ignorance and stupidity.. i can't even begin to comprehend.
The worst is that we can't even rewrite this fucking piece of buggy shit cause the bosses are so fucking proud of their deformed creation and wont pay us decently to even to that in the first place.2
I finally configured my VPS. (haven't used linux before that)
Now when I installed my laravel 5.2 project and wanted to use composer to get all the dependencies I came across an deprecated dependency. So now I'll either do a quick fix and update the dependency or upgrade to laravel 5.3. The second option is obviously better but takes more time. If only someone else could do this shit for me and I'd just be busy writing code. : /1
Working on maintenance suck, but that's why most of the software developers do. Stable job and higher pay. Mundane tasks like fix bugs or modify small part of the software.
Working on an idea is interesting in startup. You don't see shit code and code from the ground up. The work is creative. But the pay is low because the company is not profitable.
Which one is your choice?1
I can't seem to use the novo recovery mode using my standard keyboard...fuck you lenovo and fuck you windows!!!!! Its been days trying to fix this fucking pc!!!...I know i should have bought a freaking dell instead of this m***** fucking cunt of a pc! I have an external keyboard you cunt why don't you suck it up your ports and let me do my shit!!
Does anyone knows what the hell is "coala" that's used for liting and fixing code? Cause I am pushing something and they said I need to fix my code using "coala" but I can't seem to figure it out what it is, how to install... I even tried to install in atom as plugin but that shit gives errors.7
Since I am working with a pretty large codebase at work and also some ugly parts I do not fear to look into a fat ass open-source repo and get into it (fix something, ..). Never let the fear of it be your excuse.
But if the code looks like golumn, rewrite that shit yourself and do better.
When you’re messaged with an hour left in the day to fix something before showcase tomorrow.
Shit planning on your end does not create an emergency on my end. How many times do I need to fucking say this.
Oracle Identity Manger. It just feels soooo unfinished and its just so damn tedious to work with! My god. Should've created the whole thing ourselves instead. The time we've used to fix shit.. #meh
I'm working in a project that seems to be like a Multiplayer Tetris of Little Poo:
- figure out what the heck you have to code, because there is no debugging, the deploy to your devenv takes ages, the documentation does not exist or is unreadable, plus you are new and you are in a different timezone
- once you have your code, slowly pass the reviews of your remote team that will complain for every little extra line you've added for readability, slowly converting your code into a poo-like form, until it is completely shaped as shit
- repeat steps 1-2 until you pass the linter
- the carefully place your shit-shaped-code in the right place of the pile of shit
- wait for someone else to complain (like 'please rebase' 'new lint rule please fix' - oh, did I mention that? lint rules do not match between local, review and deploy?
- repeat from step 1 until you quit your job (which will happen in a few weeks)
Visual Studio hanging on "Finding Templates" popup on "new item" click, has got to be one of the worst KLPDs mid-prototyping. Stability's down the drain ever since they realised they can push shit code and fix it in updates every 2nd week.1
First try on Debian to deploy dev environment, can't fix the grey screen cross cursor vnc issue with gnome regardless whatever solution on the internet.
Screw this shit wasted plenty my time. Reinstalled back CentOS 6.
The fucking shitty fucking ass shithole Wordpress Woocommerce just fucking run sluggishly like shit even not touched on without and clue causes fuck. As if there is a fucking gost behind this shit working well in the morning and slow the fuck down without any cause in the afternoon no fix
Tired of having to copy-paste channel names in YouTube stream live chat for proper mentioning? Here's the thing for you.
Use Violentmonkey or Tampermonkey to embed this userscript.
Also, fuck you, YouTube. Fix your shit already!
Wat Do you Do When you produce shit Code and a coworker is angry on you because He needs to work with it and fix everything you messed up?1
Visual Studio can stop being a fucking asshole and stop tabbing my code around for me, you piece of shit.
I have an @if statement in a razor page in a <script> tag
Swear to christ this autoformat is more infuriating than helpful.1
==<insert dazzlingly sincere and provocative comment based on literally the same willfully stupid events here<===
God fix shit already !
Spent two fucking days trying to replicate and fix safari checkbox wont fucking work.
What shit have I gotten myself into.2
So one day I have an idea of making a HN client in the terminal using Go. When I try it, I got stuck at the scraping part (the very first part of this project). The scraping works, but it just have a problem: the first submission's data is duped (duplicated) with the last submission's data. And that problem is why I end this (potential) project. The more I tried to fix it, the more insane I got. Yet that shit is still there, never fixed. So I think "fuck this shit" and remove the username part and the points part of the data. Eventually I end the project.4