Best story ever

This really happened to me yesterday at work.

Me: *walks into office*
Coworker: Hey Will, I got a question for you
Me: I...[read more]

Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...

Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"

WTF!!!

Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"

Got a phone interview for a backend dev job in an opsec company.

Interviewer:
This is a very serious and prestigious position, we take care of the most important bits of code.

*Proceeds to talk introductory nonsense*

Interviewer:
Do you know what a DNS is?

Me:
Yes, of course! DNS stands for Domain Name System.... Blah blah blah... I explain about the servers, about hosts file, about DNS spoofing and everything else possible on this topic.

Interviewer:
See, I was patient with you - letting you finish. I'm not sure what you're talking about and where you got it from, but a DNS is that line in the browser where you type the site's name.

He didn't ask any more questions, just told me that they'll get back to me. I asked not to do that.

Three weeks later I got an email claiming that I'm not qualified.

Her: Hey, just heard what John did to you.

Me: Yea. I can't believe he screwed me over like that. I thought he was my friend.

Her: Don't worry. Forget about the bustard. You know #FFF

Me: 🙁 #FFF? What does white got to do with all this.

Her: What???

Me: #FFF. This is white.

Her: Nooooo. It means Fuck Fake Friends. As in the G. Eazy song.

Me: Ohhh😐

Ranted about this guy yesterday (who didn't get that we weren't hosting his server).

Today my colleague picked up the phone and was like "yo, I've got this guy on the phone asking for you *explains who it is*"
Me: Oh FOR FUCKS SAKE. FUCKING FINE, PUT HIM THROUGH 😡
Guy: hey! I just wanted to let you know that the issue has been solved, it was not on your end.
Although I know I'm not required to do this, I want to apologize personally for the behavior of my it guy. It wasn't okay and if you got any stress or whatsoever due to him, again, my sincerest apologies! I've had a talk with him, it won't happen again. Have a great weekend!

Glad those kinda people still exist!

"Oh you're a developer?"

"Yes."

"Hey I've got this awesome app idea. You build it all and you can get 10% of the profits?"

All this stupid people working. I got a 8 Million $ Check from a south african prince. All i need to do is pay 3000$ for the paperwork. Im out you idiots.

A few years ago, i got a call which went like this:

Phone: *rings*

Me: *looks at call, recognises the number and picks up*

Me: "Hello! Haven't heard from you in a while! How are you doing?"

Him: "I have a problem with my PC, could you..."

Me: *hangs up*

Aside from not even getting a "hello, how are you?" at the start of the call, here's the plot-twist:

A - This was my goddamn Brother calling

B - It was my goddamn birthday

Currently acing an interview, had to do a typing test, got 67wpm and 98% accuracy.

"If you want faster I'd have to bring my own keyboard, this one's a little small"

"You can go faster?"

Manager: Hey, this is Junior. he will work with you from now on.
Me: Oh cool, we could use some help.
(moments later...)
Junior: Hey i got this error. Im new with this engine. sorry.
Me: It cool, then you should read the documentation first. its all there. including your error.
Junior: whats documentation?
Me: ...

For all the cunts ever existed! what do they teach to programmers in college these days?!

You guys are scared about net neutrality?
Worry not, I got the solution to this.

This week I started my internship at our local University.

Me: Can you give me access for the internet?
Boss: Well, do you have an antivirus software?
Me: I got Linux.
Boss: *nod of approval*
😂

Got the iPhone.

(Personal opinion)

Holy shit iOS is veeery unintuitive 😡

And how fucking difficult can you make a fucking phone setup process?!

I’ll be happy when I can sell this fucker.

When one of the newest developers submits code that looks 100x better than his usual stuff and you respond "You need to include the link to where you got this"

Just got this email with no body, and a vague subject / title in all caps.

... you ask questions on stackoverflow don't you

In my freelancing job, I got this as a source code ? Really? Are you guys serious? Is this a joke?

"Can you help me make an app? I've got this perfect idea, but I can't tell you what it is until you've said yes."

SIGH. I wish these people knew that perfect ideas are worthless, there are plenty of them. Perfect executions of good ideas are what has value.

Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….

Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app

Ticket Description: (blank)

Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>

Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?

Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all

Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?

Dev: …

Colleague (lets call him john) does this sometimes at the moments you least expect it, funny as hell:

random colleague: *walks towards john* hey john, do you have a second?
John: *face turns dead serious/scared* h-h-how do you know my name? 😶
Colleague: hahaha, nice try, I've got this server issu...
John: Who are you? Get away from me 😶
*everyone laughing*
*johns face turns normal again*
John: what's up mate? *biggest goddamn smile ever*

This dude is using 4 screens for work. When I asked for another screen at work,
I can't convince my boss for 2, FML

To the dude who got 4 screens, congratulations, and sorry I used your image without permission. BTW
You lucky bastard

Fuck it I’m posting it again because I got got by this…Again.

If this is how you write your APIs, take a number, get in line. I got some slapping to get out of my system.

Interviewer: "Give me an example of a time you made a significant contribution to a particular community."

Me: "This one time I got a +6 on my devRant"

To anyone who recommended Silicon Valley, I hate you é_è. I've now finished 3 seasons in barely 3 days, my productivity never got this low before

At work today. Someone unregistered a domain name (don't remember the exact one) with something funny/positive about beer (for example beerisawesome.com).

Collegue: What?! Why would you unregister this?!?
*tells the boss*
Boss: well someone's got their priorities fucking wrong.

😆

"We don't need that network profile for this interface anymore."

*Removes*

*40+ virtual machines lose network connectivity*

"Huh. That shouldn't have happened...Well, I gotta catch my flight. Machoog, you got this?"

*Panic!*

Manager: "How long will this take?"
Me: "Er... it depends."
Manager: "Depends on what?"
Me: "Well, if the reactive hyperflux core's external dampeners are--"
Manager: "Yeah, yeah, whatever just get it done."
Me: "You got it boss."

You can take the girl out of C++, but you can't take the C++ out of the girl.

I got this as a feedback to the Matlab assignment I submitted.

So, I just got up, opened my sister's laptop to work (she gave it to me while I was in this small trip) and I see this. She was like "if you break it, I'm gonna kill you" and I said "oh no! What am I gonna do? Hammer it or something?" Fuck my luck, seriously

Woman: IF you could make all the people in this forum brawl, I would go with you tonight.
Man: (Type) PHP is the best language all over the world!

The whole forum goes into brawl...

Women: You got me. I shall go with you. Do whatever you want. Let's go.
Man: Hold! Not today! I must convince them all!

@Linux thought this might be an important milestone for you. I remember when you got 1000...

When you receive a new task to disable a feature that hasn’t been used for months and deploy the changes to production, the last thing you expect is:
> deployment successful
> 5 seconds pass
>
>
> you got mail
> why does this no work anymore

Are you fucking kidding me!

THIS is a good BIOS. I just got this thinkpad (since the screen in the one I had broke) and I was like "I'm going to use always fn as ctrl" and I see this. Thank you thinkpad

38°C, sunday afternoon, client be like: "Omg, I need you, it's important, can you call me?"

*calls client*

"So I got this E-Mail that said my SEO could be improved alot, why didn't you do that"

*looks at auto generated spam mail, hangs up*

I got this one from my senior PM, You...go to your seat and get me a software...that would create other Softwares for me...so that I don't need to have explain every time I need something to be built...to people like you...i will use that and build for my own. I told him...Sir you can use an IDE.

Someone asked for internship at DevRant and got this answer, since the devs haven't made a big thing out if it I thought I'd just leave this printscreen right here..

You know what point I'm trying to make :)

Edit: I just renewed, dunno who my ++ isn't showing..

If a colleague went to a conference and checked their laptop with their luggage, you would think it would get stolen. Nope, it came back like this. It worked out really well for them, they got a new laptop and we all got a good laugh out of it.

I'm surprised by the ability of coworkers to get on my nerves. Here's an example...

Me: "Just upload those files you idiot! I got called up three times all because you couldn't upload this thing!"

Co-Worker: "Chill bro, I've got it all here safe and secure on my computer"

Me: "....."
(In mind: Should I do to him what Walter did in breaking bad.... Drown him in a vat of acid. Saves me the trouble of hiding the body)

Manager: We are hiring a new graphic designer today. Can you get him settled in, please?
Me: Sure, I can do that.
Me: *shakes hand of new recruit.*
Me: I've heard great things about you.
Him: *starts going off on all his experience*
Me: that's great. Let's see what you got.

Several hours later...

Me: can I see what you got?
Him: just putting the last finishing touches on this logo.
Me: is that MSPaint!?
Him: yeah! It's good right?
Me: um...

I recently got my first job ever as a developer. And I don't know how long the feeling will last; but I have to say it's an awesome feeling to get paid for what you love doing! I hope you guys share this feeling with me

So I got this message months ago, did a screenshot then, thought it's a good idea to share it with you.

When the entire platform mysteriously goes down for a half hour at 11pm ON A SATURDAY AND YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WORKS ON IT GOOD GOD SERIOUSLY YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME I JUST WANT TO SLEEP

WHOEVER DID THIS I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL KILL YOU

I got laid off from my previous position as a Software Engineer at the end of June, and since then it was a struggle to find a new position. I have a good resume, about 4 years of professional dev experience and 5 years of experience in the tech industry all together, and great references.

As soon as I got laid off, I talked to my old manager at my previous company, and he said that he'd love to hire me back, but he just filled his last open spot.

In order to prepare, I had my resume reviewed by a specialist at the Department of Labor, and she said that it was one of the better resumes that she had seen.

There aren't a huge amount of dev jobs in my area, and I got a TON of recruiter emails. But they were all in other states, and I wasn't interested in moving.

I applied to all the remote and local positions I could find (the ones that I was qualified for,) and I just got a bunch of silence and denials from all my applications. I had a few interviews that went great, but of course, those companies decided to put the position on hold so they could use the budget for other things.

The silence and denials were really disconcerting, and make you think that something might be wrong with you or your interviewing abilities.

And then suddenly, as if the floodgates had opened, I started getting a ton of callbacks and interviews for both local and remote opportunities. I don't know if the end-of-year budget surpluses opened up more positions, but I was getting a lot of interest and it felt amazing.

Another dev position opened up at my previous company, and I got a great recommendation for that from my former manager and co-workers. I got a bunch of other interviews, and was moved onto the next rounds in most of them.

And finally, I got reached out to regarding a remote position I applied for a while ago, and the company was great about making the interview process quick and efficient. Within 2 weeks, I went from the screening call, to the tech call, and to the final call with the CTO. The CTO and I just hung out and talked about cars/boats/motorcycles for half the interview, and he was an awesome guy. AND THEN I GOT AN OFFER THE NEXT DAY!

The offer was originally for about the same amount as I made at my previous job, but I counteroffered up a good amount and they accepted my counteroffer!

It's a great company with offices all over the world, and they offer the option to travel to all those offices for visits if you want. So if you're working on a project with the France team and you think that it'd be easier to just work with them face-to-face, then the company will pay to fly you out to Paris for the week. Or you can work completely remotely. They don't mind either way.

I'm super excited to work with them and it feels great to be back in the job world.

Sorry about the long post, but I just wanted to tell my story and help encourage anybody out there who's going through the same thing right now.

Don't get discouraged, because you WILL find an awesome opportunity that's right for you. Get somebody to go over your resume and give you improvement recommendations. Brush up on your interviewing skills. Be sure to talk about all the projects you've worked on and how they positively impacted people and/or companies.

This is what I found interviewers responded the best to: Be sure to emphasize that you love learning new things and that you love passing along that knowledge to other people, and that your goal is to be an approachable and reliable source of knowledge for the company and to be as helpful as possible. It's important to be in a position that encourages both knowledge growth and knowledge sharing, and I think that companies really appreciate that mindset in a team member.

Moral of the story: YOU GOT THIS!

I know it's not too impressive, but got this working using my Windows console double-buffering system and literal bitmaps for the large numbers.

I have posted about both previously if you want more details :3

Me: "Hey <coworker>, I got this mistake do you know why?"
Coworker: "Seems to me like you didn't put <thing> in there"
Me: "No way, I just edited it here"
*looks at file*
"Oh, I didn't save that"
*saves file*
"Oh hey, it works now 😅"
Office: 🤣🤣🤣

Mondays, I guess 🤷‍♂️

ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

I've got a client that is complaining a long sentence is on multiple lines on a mobile device.

You literally cannot make this stuff up. They are literally saying, "move this specific word up to the line above."

"Hey! Could you help me debug this issue? So yeah, it's blah blah bl... oh wait, got it!" - Everytime.

Now that I passed 5k, I think it's time to thank this awesome community.
Literally all of you people are absolutely awesome. I have nobody to talk to about programming stuff in RL, but you really got me back on track. I lost motivation, but this network is...different. It's inspiring.
I learned a multitude of languages and strengthend my skills. So many people are awesome here, I cannot listen them all.

I just want to say...Thank you.

Question for the senior front end web developer here:

If you guys got a project (big or small), do you guys usually:
1. Get a template from another website and modify or style it to suits your need, or
2. Build it from scratch?

This applies to website like devrant, or swag store

Don’t you love when you put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into a company and then you get fired because your wife got a flat tire and you had to go help fix it?

When I got to this company they were not using version control, had no tooling in place, and most of our day was spent merging projects by hand and going through a long process to deploy our applications (this company is a primarily Salesforce company).

I got everyone using git and built a node client to transpile JavaScript and SASS, lint code, package everything together, and deploy it to Salesforce. Productivity jumped and the amount of time all of us spent merging code by hand dropped significantly.

A few weeks after finishing this CLI I was moved to another team and subsequently let go because I had to leave early to help my wife fix a flat tire. Now I am freelancing and actually doing pretty damn well for myself. Bonus: I no longer have to work with the disaster that is Salesforce!

My neighbor(He is 14 I think) pitched this to me and wanted advice since he was going try to participate in the Google science fair.

Him:"A robot that gives you medical advice. You just tell it your symptoms and voila! You've got your diagnosis. No doctor required."

Me: "How are you going to decide what disease the user has?"

Him:" I'm just going to write an if-else ladder statement. I've already got some of the data from this site called WebMD. It's amazing."

Me: "Go with something simple. What you're suggesting won't work out."

He told me I didn't have "Vision".
His ditched his project last week.

One of my friend's was watching me code. When I got an error, this is what he said.

"You got a big error, so you must be a bad programmer"

WannaCry hit one of our server and the latest backup we had was from May 2017. You know who got blamed? Developers. I repeatedly told the General Manager that SysAdmin are the once who should be doing backups, Server updates and management as per their job description yet we got blamed for it.

I don't know what the fuck is going in this world.

School forced me and two classmates to do a project for a company...

Apparently, the company got paid 20K for developing the app, and we're sitting here without even a thank you...

Worst part is:
Our final grade depends on this...

ENE = Entitled New Engineer
M = Manager

EOE: "I've been here 6 months and I know how everything works. Can we talk about a promotion?"
M: "No, now begins the period wherein, through your labor, you repay us for overpaying you while you got up to this point."

Was coding on a project at home and suddenly i got the feeling that i had forgotten something...
*Checks the time*
06.30AM
Oh... yeah...sleep...
Hello coffee my old friend...
Time to head off to work then :)

How often does this happen to you?

Me: "Just upload the god damn file you bastard! I got called 5 times today because you couldn't upload this fucking piece of shit!"

Co-Worker: "Relax dude, I got all here on my computer"

Me: "....." (In mind: if you kill him later, you can hide the evidence)

Got a notification for a new job. Apparently this is a junior position. I just wonder what else you have to know to get a senior position in that company

!rant

I GOT THE GRANT!

My uni does this thing where it throws money at undergrads if you sweet talk them into thinking you have an interesting summer project, I'm getting paid to play with VR things over the summer!

Today I got myself a "Surface Go".

I thought that it will be too cramped/small for web-developement, but now that I have one I am really surprised about the power/flexibility that this thing serves.

GG Microsoft, you have done something right.

Seriously, look at this guy’s bloody phone. He’s not letting go of it, it’s been like this for ages. He’s got missing pieces of glass above the lcd, there are cracks all over, sellotape all over. At some point you gotta realise it’s affecting the user experience.

If you don’t want to get a new phone, at least have the screen replaced!!

At first I got excited about the new MacBook Air specs. Then I saw the price... It's a fucking joke to spend so much money for this trash ass hardware you get for it. I mean 1400€ for dual core 8gb ram 128gb ssd?!?!?!

Fuck you

Have you ever felt misused just because you can do things fast?

I've faced this recurring problem with my PM.
It has got to a point where she would just change requirements multiple times a day just because

" this is a quick thing"
"the code for this should be small"
"try and see how it works"
"I too have coded in the past"

The best part is, anything that works was her idea. And anything that doesn't was built by Dev team.

Boss: how long would it take you to make an app with this tool you have never seen before?
Me: idk, I've never used that.
Boss: OK so how long?
Me:.. Uh.. 3 weeks?
Boss: you got 2 weeks. Start tomorrow.
Me:... OK then..
Inner me: why does he even ask?
...Fml

Just shouted to my boss: "You have a degree in CopyPaste issued by the University of Clipboard"

:joy:

He's trying to edit some HTML tables and got lost... he also has this notion that he can do our job...

Lol

What is your "WTF" commit message you see in your project?

For my case my Junior wrote this "Hey, Senior can I f** your girl for one night?" which lately he got fired as I showed that to my Manager.

Well thank you Apple for this awesome 10.13.whatever update that got my MBP into a failed installation with no way to boot the os or revert the update without losing shit and a lot of time, arghhhh :/

Also: yay, first rant

Oh my God. New pet peeve:

People who answer questions on Amazon with an answer like "idk I just got this :(" or "idk man I bought it as a present."

Why the fuck do you feel the urge to answer a fucking question without actually answering it? Like are you that fucking stupid? Jesus Christ.

So I've got this raspberry pi 3 and no inspiration what to use it for.. and it bugs me, just sitting there taunting me: -"you aren't very creative are you?" So.. ideas and suggestions?

That moment when you receive an email saying

"I got an error message that's says 'All hope is lost, delete everything'. Is this normal?"

and you have to explain that was an old printf that you put there for debugging purposes and forgot to remove it before committing...

So apparently iOS 11 doesn't allow you to add up 1+2+3 as it tells you it's 24 and you can't type the letter "i" as it will be converted to some non recognizable character, so my question now is, who tested this and who got brutally murdered?

My manager is a "you don't know shit" kinda dude.
This one time while guiding us on how to operate on databases which existed and somehow, he deleted the whole database.

Ofcourse, to save his ass at once he claimed "This is why I was telling you all this, see!? The whole database got deleted"

And yes, we had a backup of that database. And yes we weren't able to control our laughter too.
You should have seen his face.

When i read this, I think "Inject me please! Inject me with all you got!"

Got reminded of this job search bullshit they say after interviews, when they say you're not "fit for the culture" but they want you to be "challenging the status-quo".
Like, take a fucking pick. Either you want someone who follows and fits in, or you want someone who innovates and stands out. 😒

Me in my head: I've got this great idea for an app. You can probably build it in a hour. This is going to be awesome!

Ten minutes later: Screw this, can't be bothered anymore. What's on tv.?

Things like this make me feel good about myself. Update: moments after taking this picture, he took it down. Have any of you ever asked a stupid question like that? And, well, how did you know you when you got "good" at programming?

$number = 3000/365*365-3000
echo $number

Output:
4,54747350886E-13

No, Just No. I really like you PHP but thats supposed to be zero. I don't got time for your Tantrum's. I got work to do!

PS: Does anyone know why this happens? Solved it by rounding on 10 decimals but prefer it would just answer 0 instead of me having to force it back.

bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! To deep in code zone.

[20 mins pass]
bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! Let me finish this.

[30 mins pass]
bladder: I'VE GOT TO PEE
me: NO! In a zone.

[5 mins pass]
bladder: GO! GO! GO!
me: D**n you bladder.

I hate this game. I lose every time.

User: - The application throws an errror message.

Me: - The error message is caused by a minor bug that doesn't affect functionality, though. This is an old solution that is in the pipe to be redesigned from scratch. As this function is rarely used, perhaps you can live with this cosmetic bug for a couple more months?

User (one week later): - I haven't got any answer from you. How is this issue proceeding?

A client of mine wanted me to use a specific picture as a background image on one of his graphics. This is how the conversation went:
C: Can you use this as the background?
Me: Where did you get this image exactly?
C: I got it off Google Images.
Me: you can't do that, you need licensing for the image
C: Well I just licensed it. Screw them.
Me: ...That's not how that works..

When I saw an O(1) algorithm solution. I was so amazed that I got goosebump. Still wondering how one is able to come up with such algorithm.

Another times when I understand how the whole thing works in a project. This class is doing this, that class is doing that, this file contains the configuration, etc. Its like everything is connected.

Other times when you see your pet project start to take shape. You just want to cuddle it.

I fucking hate Reddit
Because I don’t interact with other peoples post too much but do so when the post is mine, I’m considered spammer.
The 90/10 rule is ridiculous.
This morning I got banned from r/internetisbeautiful because of this stupid rule.

Not because my website is not beautiful, hell, it got thousands upvotes. But because I used the same domain for different unrelated projects, same way you can have different GitHub pages under one user.

Fuck this, fuck

I recently got a notification that said "the are 590 new rants since your last visit" or something like that.

At the time that I got that notification the last time I logged on was only a day or two ago. And I'm not even subbed to that many people!

You all need to chill the fuck out. It shouldn't be healthy for you all to be this angry all the damn time.

so if guys read my prev rants... this is it im quitting my job got a better offer coz my current company blocked devrant started last week i was like wtf 1st thing that my future employer asked me what will make you happy i said "dont block sites that are helpful for devs" he lol'ed so hard btw just got it today thank you so much devrant my macbook and laptop will now look really cool

Wow ! What a milestone ! 1000++'s

Thanks everyone for this amazing community ! I really feel I'm part of something, I never got so involved in a community and it's awesome :D

Thanks to you all ! All the doggos for me now !

Teacher:"You have two years before you have to hand in your coursework and final coding project"
Me:"Yes plenty of time I got this"
1 week before final deadline
Me:"WTF have I not done anything"

Fron the creators of "Hello", I present to you:

Please respond when you read this message
*says nothing*

It's got the uselessness of hello, minus the courtesy and respect some people have for hello. Please just get to the fucking point!

I have got so much of free time that this Quarantine has got me thinking What Should I Name my Class?

How Long do You take to name your class?

First time spending my lunch break outside this year. Didn't realize how much I missed it. It really helps to breath some fresh air when you got a bad day in office. How do you guys normally spend you lunch break?

so i got mad but this cheered me up. i guess you learn something new every day.

"Hey boss, could you look over this reply to this support case before I send it? I just want to clarify a couple of things first."

"I haven't got the time to look over support case replies - you need to be proactive in deciding what's right, and then just sending them on."

"Ok, no worries."

5 minutes later...

"What the hell have you written on this support case? This isn't correct at all. Now they're going to be really confused. You've completely contradicted what I told them yesterday on the phone."

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY IT IS HARD TO GET A JOB AS JUNIOR DEV? This is because you don't need any knowledge about coding to get the fucking degree!!

I would love to work harder but it should meen something if you own the fucking paper!

Sorry got triggerd after reading another rant!

Dear everyone who doesn't write JS and has some hand-wringing concern about its lack of static typing, lack of threading, or its suitability for large back-end services:

It's fine, we've got this. You go back to discussing contravariance or whatever it is you do.

Signed,
Team JS

Dev: I see you have tattoo
Person: I do. Thank you.
Dev: I never said it was good

*dev walks away and person looks at their tattoo

I'm glad i got to experiance this beautiful moment

Speak about UX.
You got be a true asshole to design a barbell like this 🤦‍♂️

have you ever felt having bad code ocd that you feel like you really need to clean this old project that you got assigned to fix, but cleaning the whole project up would take too much time and it is just not worth it . But you feel like you really need to do it...

Thanks you guys !! Got my stickers this week after an ordeal with the Mail box lock !

Well, I know you guys are tired of all the Hacktoberfest rants but I got mine this morning and I'm excited! Guess you gotta deal with it 😂😂😅

Dev team: This part of the app has a shitty ux. We want to fix it after we finish this feature.
Business: hey guys we think we lack data so we got some users to check our page with shitty ux and see if they think it is shit
User: yeah it’s shit

Great use of resources you chucklefucks

In Android O RAM statistics got moved to developer settings.
So this means you are a Dev if you know what ram is??

"A user got this error, can you help?"

Can you at least tell me WHERE you got the issue? How you got to that point? Anything??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

No matter how experienced you were on Java, you'd still got this little friend around you -> "java.lang.NullPointerException"

Hey guys.
Got this motor here... What do you think it's voltage is?
Tryed 12v, didn't even move...

All these devs making jokes about their wives.... Well, joke's on you, I see straight through your bullshit. There's no way this many devs got married.

Just added some stickers to my notebook

Lord and saviour tux will always make sure that the only kernel ever running on this notebook is the Linux kernel 🐧

Thank you devRant for the stickers and I am proud to advertise you. Please stay way it was when I got here.

Yayyyyy! I got the stickers 😆
Thank you @dfox and @trogus for building this great dev community. We owe you 1000 lines of code :p

Updated an online profile on a jobsite this morning for a frontend job. Got called this afternoon:

Recruiter: “i have this great frontend opportunity for you. Are you interested and can i mail the vacancy over?”

Me: “yes i’m looking for something so mail it and i’ll get back at you”

A few moments later...

Recruiter mailed a backend function

This is why people don’t like to work with recruiters.

LMAO... Exercise can't make you grow beyond your genetics profile. How did this got into the store?

Me: I've got this wonderful idea, I'll try it in swift
OSX: download the 4.47 GIGABYTE Xcode
Me: :'( ok
Xcode : you need to update your OS and that's again more than 4.5 GIGABYTE
Me : Sublime -> Main.class

Today i got to add this to my code:
"Shame on you pirate! A subscription only cost 2 cups of coffee; what are we supposed to drink now?"

Having a bit of fun with the finishing touches of my personal project :D

When our company (past employer) got acquired by another company and everyone got to have a meeting where you got a black or blue envelope. One indicated you were being let go, the other indicated you were being offered an "opportunity" if you would relocate to NJ. What was an awesome company -- they destroyed the soul of it in one day.

Oh well their CEO got let go after a US Congressional investigation earlier this year. Karma, bitch!

"Hey, we got this new untested artifact a few minutes ago. Can you deploy it to the 2500 POS in production and stay at the office in case something goes wrong?"

Me at BestBuy today: Oh man, you got the got the Pixel 2 XL? This is looks good and feels good in hand. Last time I stopped by, the other guy had just the Pixel 2. Blah blah blah.. so is this running the 8.1 or 8.0?

Verizon associate at BestBuy: The 8.1

Me: oohh, you got that preview huh? *goes into system to check.. dude it's running 8.0

Verizon associate: oh really? Dang, I forgot. I'll side-load the APK.

Me: 😕😒😂 I hear you.
*At that point I lost hope in humanity*

Fuck this new client.
Can’t go into much detail but if you think you’ve got it bad, think again. This shit show of a client has taken incompetence, micromanagement and chaos to whole new levels.

Am I the only one who treats projects, products and code as people, and talk to them e.g. This is what I said recently to my executable "are you fucking kidding me? " and my fellow developer got confused whom I am talking to

I just got used to this latest iteration of the UI you fuckers...

It's been a minute.

But I've got to fucking say this in brief.

Managers who are bored of their jobs - get a fucking job you actually love and keep you productive.

Stop making our life a hell just because you can't fucking figure yours out.

Selah!

I got an email about the job opening of a "HTML Developer" in a leading telecom company in our country.

A HTML Developer? Really ? Are you expecting a html only website in this day an age? How can you be a "leading company" when you did not even know the correct term for a front end web development job post

Me: *asks boss for the id of his test store so I can apply experimental schema changes to test out a new dashboard app*

Boss: *gives me production store id and doesn't say anything*

Fate: … "You got lucky this time."

This is the CEO of the company btw. Startups. *sigh*

You fucking bet it will -.-

Come on Microsoft, even installing the whole OS doesn't take this long. I got time to waste, and you're doing just that in the worst way possible.

God dammit

We've got this legacy PHP system that doesn't really run anywhere else than on it's server. It's not configured with git, and there's no pipeline. Just plain old SSH. How would you go about managing it?

Duplicate question
Too opinion based
Fuck you this is a dumb question

But if you actual got a question and give all the information that's needed nobody fucking responds
Yeah well fuck you StackOverflow
It's like they only want to bash people and not actually help

Always getting prewrote replys. When you call them, they say they found someone better.

If you ask in which area the other guy excel's you, they hang up...

I was 1 year jobless and endured this shitty replys. Now I got a job, which a lot of people would like to have 😄

This gutted feeling when you got so overly excited over an idea that you poured blood, sweat, and tears into it only to figure out what the others were doing isn't actually bad. Their's doesn't have issues. There's nothing for me to do. My whole idea, scrapped

I feel tired 😔

My boss does this management by neglect thing - he is hardly in the office and mostly communicates in slack. Today it got really vague and ambiguous.

So - when 4 people don't understand your slack message - the obvious conclusion is that you hired 4 morons...

*meeting on Monday*
Client: so I've got this project I want you to do, it's simple right?
Me: seems so
Client: so I'll pay you this much because it's so simple
Me: uhhhhhhhh
Underpaying client: I also told my higher ups that you'd be done by Friday you can do that yeah
Me: ..................

yo canada WHAT THE FUCK
that kid who asked me for help
the ministry or w/e got back to me
"we cannot help this child as their abusers were deemed untouchable"

FUCK DO YOU MEAN UNTOUCHABLE

Event Head: There is a theme available to save you some time.

*Sends over a Wordpress theme*

EH: I got us this new service where you can create a website just by drag and drop.

Sure, why not. How foolish of me to not know of WordPress and Website builder tools.

"Dear Team,
This is to inform you that due to the workload of Diwali 10th Nov would be working a half day

So the 10th Nov holiday would be shuffle to 17th Nov 2018 (i.e. Saturday)

Note:- Those team member taking leave on 10th Nov it would calculate 5 days of leave."

Got this mail -_-

This morning I got these two😀
What do you think?

That moment when you are a junior frontend developer, you realize you are in probational period + you got a new huge project with a technology you never worked properly before and the only person, who can give you some addvices is going to leave the company in a few weeks... + you will be the only frontend dev. on this project... People I'm scared... 🤯🥺

I have a bug that shows null but i got an "null" string which is nasty. To someone who did this, i'll find you and i'll kill you

"Your next computer is not a computer" says Apple. Have you tried connecting your iPad to a keyboard, mouse, and monitor? If you're lucky enough to only use apps that natively support this setup, then more power to you. If not, I encourage you to try it. I made it 30 minutes before I got frustrated and moved back to my laptop.

Got asked: Could you add more columns to this Word document?

Me: *Checks* *Sees it's all tabbed, not a table* Um. No.

This is one from when I was in school, so I wasn't a dev but it made me feel like a CS student badass.

A class mate and I were having a discussion about his study habits. Basically he was freaking about the mount of studying he was going to have to do for this class:

Me: dude, you need to relax. You'll do fine.
Classmate: no, have you seen the amount of work that is on the syllabus? The size of the book?
Me: wait you bought the book? Also we took this same professor for several classes. His syllabuses are always huge. What did you get in the prereq to this class?
CM: an A.
Me: there you go.
CM: but I had to study all the time. I had no free time.
Me: really? I had an insane amount of free time.
CM: what did you get?
Me: B+.
CM: See but I did better than you.
Me: yeah . . . but I had fun last year.
Professor: you know, it's hard to tell who is the better student. The one that had no fun, but got an A. Or the one that had a lot of fun and got a B.
Other Classmates: probably the guy that got the B.

Hurray for peer and professor validated laziness.

Recently at school...
We got new projectors in every classroom. My teacher asked me if you can turn the projector. It's worth mentioning that the projectors are installed under the ceiling (hopefully this sentence is correct). WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF PROJECTORS?
IDK if this is funny but I thought I share it with you.

So I was excited about working on a proyect I recently was invited to work on, but when I finally got my hands on the code I felt this urge to scream "YOU FUCKER!!!" (the dev responsible for the code)

I sent money to a scammer 😔
They said it is a security deposit and I didn't think twice. I thought I was smarter than this but clearly I am not.
I got too greedy, lazy and desperate for money.
This is what happens when you isolate yourself from reality.
I feel terrible. 😣

Recruiter: (on email) hi please check this exciting opportunity!
Me: ....
Recruiter (on email): I see you haven't got back to me on this. Blah blah blah
Me: Hi xyz, can you share the complete job description and compensation details?
Recruiter: <last seen 2 weeks ago>

I've got an email with this statement:

[...] If you are interested please reply with the following details if possible in an hour [...]

Defuq with those people 😑

* sees a React sticker on a friend's laptop *
— I didn't know you are into React.
— Well, actually I've never even used it. Just had this sticker laying around and my laptop got a scratch so...

@jenochi this is for you

Due to a recent suggestion by the above-mentioned @jenochi, I though that this deserved to be a rant.

Dropping support for IE will once and for all ease web developers lives and it has got to start somewhere. Who's with us!?

Chasing information for software crash from a user:

Dev: Are you getting warnings when you open the model?
User: Not when I open the model.
Dev: Huh what's weird, normally there's a warning that looks like this when you open it that looks like this *screenshot*
User: Oh, yes I got that warning

Currently got a designer blatantly trying to discredit me 😬

Always trying to prove I don’t understand what I’m on about luckily 😏 I do

How do you handle someone like this?

She’s always bitchy on the phone

Friends and family: Hooo so you make sites and stuff?
Me: well yes let's say that...
F&F: I got this amazing idea for a site! Can you make it?
Me: Yes sure, will take x day for about x$$$
F&F: What?! I have to pay?? Gave you the idea for free...

Yes Tidal, you got this...

Started a new job recently and feel like I don't know anything compared to everyone else, only got a years commercial experience but feel like I should know more! Anybody else ever feel like this when they were starting out? How do you overcome it?

Been a freelancing for quite a while now and forgot what's it's like to work in a company. Have you got any tips that I could benefit from? Got an interview coming up this week and want to impress them. BTW I'm a Web developer.

We got a new intern this Monday and we were getting to know him. I heard that he is a left handed. So I asked him which hand do you use for coding. He said "I have to see. When I get a keyboard I'll type c and tell you"

Just got off a call doing some classic "I know you are not tech support but please help me connect my iPhone to my computer", and I heard the following words:

"What's the Windows start button?"

This was not a boomer. This was not a Gen Y, Gen X, or even Millenial!

I shit you not, a zoomer did not know what or where the windows start button was.

Colleagues at my part-time job:

"You study programming right? Amazing we've got this great app idea, we'd love to see a finished product in 2 months"

Me: "..."

Thank you microsoft. You clearly got that right. If someone knows how to make passwords secure, it's you.

... Is this what you wanted to hear? Because it looks like you have no idea what you're doing.

So I got this.

If you haven't read "savaged by systemd" I highly recommend it :)

I got travel advertisments on my Windows 10 lock screen. I didn't remember how to get rid of them, so I had to search for it again. I was lead to this piece of fine irony on my screen.

Staring at it felt like staring at the concept of art while it's staring back. This experience left me emotional.

Thank you Microsoft and Windows Central. Thank you art, life, and love. Thank you ads.

Home from school. Everytime I get a bad grade this happens.
Mom: "I saw you got a pretty bad grade for French: a 4/10. Do you know what caused that?"
** Windows Troubleshooter is diagnosing the problem **

Older tech support story, but still a frusterating one.

Sister was running Windows 8.1 (ew) when Microsoft was ramming Windows 10 down everyone's throat.

Her laptop decided to update to Windows 10, and after waiting awhile, she decided to unplug the laptop's battery and power chord.

This did what you expected, corrupted her install, leading to a bootloop. I then got to deal with that to try and recover it.

Once I got into the recovery mode, it wanted her password to restore from a system image, guess what she forgot?

She tried her PIN, and gave up after a few attempts, and I got to reinstall Windows for her.

Lesson learned from this? If you're the IT person of the house, make sure that you have an account on all machines that you may administrate. That way you don't need to deal with this shit.

Just got this popup again, and it always comes right in the middle of me doing something. And of course there's no "remind me in an hour" - if you select "Try in an hour" it usually just automatically installs and restarts your computer in an hour, instead of asking you again.

I've got staff, I've got staff
And they bill time and a half;
Now I only write the gist you see
And they can code the rest

Open source, Fraying nerves
Smoothing out regression curves;
Try this framework, it's ambitious
It was made of spit and wishes.

Coffee rings, at first glance
But of course miss, he's freelance;
And this code base is a truly scary mess
I can't expand the menu
Even chance its home brew, unit test;
Unit test, unit test!

Man, I love how G++ (and every other Gnu tool for that matter) makes 0 effort to understand what you fucked up, and they only tell you where they got stuck. What am I supposed to do with this error that doesn't contain a single reference to my project?

I got this in the shop today: a fully-working XP POS AiO with an x86 processor. 2.2GHz Celeron dual-core, 2GB RAM, 150GB HDD. Y'all can have it for free, but no company will ship it, so you gotta come get it.

Today I heard a discussion on the radio about AI and computers taking over the world. it was a really uneducated and stupid discussion but it got me thinking. What do you guys think about this? Do you think AIs will ever take over the world. Could I have some more educated thoughts?

Just thought of this meme template when I got that error. Hope you like it 😅

BTW it was a KeyError in a pandas DataFrame during which, somehow, another KeyError for the same key occurred. I'm not sophisticated enough in Python to explain this though.

I fucking hate DLL mother fucking hell.
And fuck you Microsoft.SqlServer.BatchParser.dll
.
.
.
Kinda relief?
.
.
.
Nah.. I still got to resolve this issue.

Me:how about this one ui component boss. I think we must fix it.
Boss:just drop it out, do another job. wait customer to complain, after we got one complain then you fix that.

Shopping with gf. This is fuckin bullshit. I want to code... FUCK THIS! DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKIN CHECK EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN ITEM'S SIZE AND PRICE RECURSIVELY? For fuck's sake, I got shit to do!

Got the newest update for Emojis and I was scrolling through them, and what do you know? This one popped up. All I can think of was "Devrant did it first"

So I’m working on this project I’ve been working on for like 3 weeks and I finally got this feature to work but it had a bug and I shit you not fighting this program was like playing through bloodborne for the first time again. It got to the point where I started naming the testing files swear words or stuff like “itshopeless”, “maybe”, “maybe2”, “pls”, etc but I finally after fucking hours passed, bug slaughtered. And I’m now exhausted

We expanded offices. Management didn't tell me.. just literally "oh we got this new suite, setup a new internet line, and you need to set it all up this morning because we will be working in that space."

Very difficult to do when they won't give you a key...

Dear Chrome, how about when I paste something starting with https%3A%2F%2F into the address bar you get up off your lazy ass and url-decode that shit for me? Ain't nobody got time for this.

I often ask myself why I chose this career path.

Right now, I had one of those moments where it all clicks and falls into place.

Where you can take a problem, have a rapid fire thought through your head and you've got all the modules in memory (pun unintended,) and it's just a case of touching keys.

I think that's why I do what I do. The feeling of satisfaction after you go 'I got it!'
🤙🤙

Shit, I missed that I got a thousand ++!
But thank you all so much, I love this community. This is just so amazing.

Okay so here is how my day is going.

Recruiter 1: I have this oppertunity for you and here are a couple of dates for you to have the interview.

Upon arrival:
Bossman: I didn't see the appointment until this morning and normally I won't hold an interview without my two developers. Anyways, here is the introduction to our company.

Recruiter 2 calls in the middle of the interview. After which I call back.

Recruiter 2: got this oppertunity at this company for you and if you wish they are available this afternoon.

Now I'm on my way to that interview. Hope this one goes better.

This is how security bugs get introduced into open source. This comment came into a project I'm watching today, and I don't have the time to follow up on how bad of an idea that is:

"If you are still interested, I got it working by removing verify=True"

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a duck, right? So if this duck is not giving you the noise that you want, you’ve got to just punch that duck until it returns what you expect. -Patrick Ewing

Client can't pay me and has asked to pay me in four installments spread across on month. Surely to all hell, if you don't have the money, don't hire a goddamn developer!

This job was decided before I got advice from you guys about getting a contract as well!

Estimating for a new client, asked for details of their current API. Got the answer " I can't do your work for you". This will be fun!!

My dad in 2002 to 7 year old me: "I got you your own domain, this is how you upload files to it. Good luck!"

But the first experience was him recording some of my first sentences. I love my dad <3

I start cmd to create a WiFi hotspot from my laptop...
Friend finds me in the process.."Damn that means you can hack WiFi and stuff... I've got this guy whom I'd like you to hack his Facebook account.."
Ohh...the misery

More marks for a bubble sort.

For those of you that know the bubble sort you may share my frustration. I built a simple python program that took three integers and sorted them using a series or compound if statements using no built in low and max functions. Someone in my college class did the same thing but used a bubble sort and got higher marks. This angers me, I had to write an algorithim in a language I had barely touched but this person just used old scrappy code and got higher marks. Only a little tease but you get the picture, bubble sort is inefficient.

Got an email from a recruiter.. he went on to outline how great I’d be for the job he had in mind…

Then ended the email with: Let me know if you are interested, OR if you have a referral for this position.

WHAT?! I thought I was perfect for this position.. why are you asking me to refer someone else? Ug.

How is C and C++ development done in reallife ffs?

Like, you got no ecosystem whatsoever, just thousands of build chains. How does this work?

Just recently got a new job.

On the old jobs we've always held connection via mail, slack, fb messenger groups and whatever.

But on this new IT job they have this really weird theory of that when you want something, you've to stand up, walk to the coworkers booth, and use this super odd "voice" communication.

Such a barbaric routine!