How do you know that a person is using Arch Linux?

- They will tell you

FUCK YOU SHITTY FUCKING DICK HEAD!!!.. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT ABOUT "YOU'RE A PROGRAMMER... YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO USE PHOTOSHOP!"... OR "SUCH A SHITTY PROGRAMMER YOU ARE... DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX MY COMPUTER"... OR "CAN YOU MAKE ME AN APP?... IT'S LIKE OTHER APP BUT BETTER, I CAN'T GIVE YOU MORE DETAILS BECAUSE IT'S CONFIDENCIAL, SO YOU GOT TO DO IT WHIT OUT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK YOU HAVE TO DO"... GO TO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A TRUCK FULL OF DONKEYS FUCKING IDIOT!!!... STOP TALKING BULLSHIT AND GET AND FUCKING LIFE YOU ASSHOLE!!!... sorry about my english for those who read

It's depressing how true this is

Me: "Tech support, how can I help you?"
Them: " I'm not able to log into the website!"
Me: "Okay, what message is it showing when you try to log in?"
Them: "Sir, I am NOT a computer person so I don't know."
Me: "Do you know which web browser you're using?"
Them: "I don't know what that is!"
Me: "Okay, when you want to go on the internet, do you click on a blue E, or a mulicolored circle, or..."
Them: "SIR I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A COMPUTER PERSON, YOU'RE REFUSING TO THELP ME SO I'M GOING TO HANG UP"

Interviewer: "Do you know Xamarin?"
Me: "I mean I know C# but not app development"
Interviewer: "You're hired!"

Thats pretty much how my interview went

Classmate: Oh, are you programming? You know, I'm a really great programmer... You can practically call me a hacker, because of my skills. I can't brag much, because I'm too modest for that.

Me: Cool! What languages do you know?

Classmate: I know how to use scratch.

Me: ...

Here's a recent interview I had for an Android Developer job:
I: Interviewer, M: Me

I: hello, welcome
M: hi, thanks

I: do you know Kotlin?
M: yes, I've been working with it for 1.5 years and have written 3 projects in it

I: do you know RxJava, Dagger, Retrofit, and how to make Custom Views?
M: yes, I'm comfortable with them *explains*

I: do you know Room?
M: yes I do, I've done a lot of practices in it, but unfortunately have never needed to use it in production

I: what architecture do you use? Do you know MVP?
M: I'm currently using MVVM, but not MVP. I've debugged projects in it so I know what's going on in it

I: ok, do you have any questions for us?
M: how did I do?

I: I'm sorry sir, but you're not even a junior here
M: what? Why is that?

I: well you don't know Room and MVP?
M: I said I know them, just haven't used them in production.

I: well you have 3 years of experience but you dont even know Kotlin!
M: Kotlin was your first question and I said I have 3 projects in it. Did you even check the samples you asked for in the job posting?

I: SIR YOU'RE NOT A GOOD FIT FOR US, THANK YOU FOR COMING.

:/

People in my office sing me praises for what I can do with Linux even though I joke with them that “I have no idea how to do that - but give me half an hour and an internet connection and I’ll figure something out for you.” I even once specifically said in response to my boss commenting on my skills, “You do realize that I just like…google stuff when you ask me to do something with Linux that I don’t know how to do, right?”

But his praise didn’t change at all. There was no “Wait, that’s all it is?”

Instead, he said “Yes, but the fact that you think to do that - and that you know exactly how to phrase your searches and how to sift through the results to get the right answer, and you then integrate what you’ve learned and use it going forward - is still so much more than any of the rest of us can do. To you, it’s “just googling stuff,” but it’s still a unique and valuable skill you bring, so don’t shrug off the compliments so cavalierly, okay?“

And this was coming from an executive with an MBA. Don’t undervalue your googling skills, kids. It’s not lying if you know you can figure it out.

Well you do know how to catch my attention.

Guy: you said you were a software developer right?
Me: Yes
Guy: Do you know how to reset my phone?
Me: You do know a reset will wipe out all contacts.
Guy: Yes
Me: What phone do you have?
Guy: iphone
Me: (looks it up on google and shows him it)
Guy: is that a special app?
Me: its google
Guy: oh

I swear this was tuesday night and i was the one out of us that was drinking

interviewer: Do you know HTML?

me: Yes sir!

interviewer: can you tell me its full form?

me: how to meet ladies.

interviewer: get the fuck out of here

President of my employer: how long do you thing it will take to complete x type of migration?

Me: I don't know. We've never done one.

President: well how long do you think it will take based on your experience?

Me: I don't know. I've never done one.

I need to hide myself, my computer, programming skills and computer knowledge from people. Then only, I will be safe..

Friend: Heeey, you're good with computers right?

Me: No! 😑

Friend: Come-on bro. I know you are.

Me: What do you want?

Friend: I want you to check and book flights for me for country X.

Me: Are you ok? How does this have anything to do with someone being good with computers and stuff?

Friend: Haha, see? You're good with computers. *starts laughing. Anyway, since you're good, you can find the best prices. I know you know how to search sites and how to find things online.

Me: WTF?!?!!! All, you have to do is type in your search. If you don't like the results, you simply refine it.

Friend: See, all this tech stuff I'm not really good at it.

Me: But you're good at searching for other things online, right? Do the same for your flights.

*Picks my laptop and walks away.
How can a young man not be able to search for flights online but knows how to use several gadgets. Nonsense.

- We need an android app. Can you do this?
+ Never done that, but I can try.
- Do you even know Java?
+ Not really, but I'll learn fast!
- Any OOP experience?
+ Well...I know CPP.
- 😐

- Will you give me a prototype tonight?
+ Don't know. How about tomorrow?
- Ok.
...

+ *makes a prototype in couple of hours, becomes a Java developer*

Just like that.

Do NOT be overwhelmed nor discouraged when you realized how little you know.

after all software dev is still a work in progress :)

Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?

Manager: It should work how it worked before.

Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.

Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.

Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.

Manager: Just how it worked before!

Dev: ...

Manager: ...

Dev: fuck you

When you ask senior developer "How do you know so much about so many things?"

How to start coding (for fucktards)

1: Choose desired programming language like python or java

2: Search on youtube or google: "<language> tutorial beginner"

3: if step 2 was to hard for you...
STOP learning how to program, you are hopeless

4: Instead of asking everyone on how to learn programming, just fucking DO IT already!

Seriously, if you don't even know how to use google and youtube to educate yourself programming is NOT FOR YOU!

How do you know your IT topic you are googling for is an advanced topic ?

1) There are no ads
2) The 5th result is from a PDF or from The American Constitution

How to ask him/her out
Dev 101
You:
Do you know there are five different flavored coffees around the world?

Your crush:
No

You:
(Recite the names of all 5)

Your crush:
Okay

You:
The question is:
When are you going to have one with me?
;)

Client: Do you know how to make this WordPress faster?
Me: yup.

* 30 minutes later*

Me: *googles* "How to make WordPress faster"

Her: I'm already in lingerie, how do I turn you on?

Me: Do you know how to make UML diagrams?

Do you know how much i sacrificed?

Recently i had to interview a guy with 10 years of frontend experience for a react developer role

Me : Do you know what ecmascript is ?
Him : Yes
Me : Which version would you prefer to use and why ?
Him : I dont use it. I am more comfortable with JavaScript.
Me : (totally confused) 😶
Him : (trying to be oversmart) I know you young guys prefer to use these fancy frameworks because you dont know how powerful raw javascript is.
Me : (Trying hard to not "react") Ok.

How would you "react" to this ?

I was talking in class. Teacher saw me. She asked me to explain the topic she was going to explain. It was Network Security. I started explaining how we can prevent tracking of our online activities by using VPN and all.

Teacher (to class): Do you all know about VPN?
Whole Class: No.
Teacher (to me): They don't know about VPN. Now, how will you explain?
Me: I won't.

*Cyanide out*

How do you know that a dev uses vim for coding? He tells you... Over and over and over again.

"How are you going to do that?"

"I don't know..."

"I need an estimate."

"40 hours."

"Why's it going to take that long?"

"I couldn't find the right stack overflow article."

You know you are a dev when the first thing you do when you see something cool on a website is checking out the sourcecode to find out how they did it

Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?

Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it.

Corporate joke

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

*She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below :-*
_"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."_

*Man below replied :-*
_"You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude."_

*Lady :-* _"You must be an engineer."_

*Man :-* _"How do you know?"_

*Lady :-* _"Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost."_

*Engineer :-* _"You must be in Top Management."_

*Lady :-* _"Ya. How do you know?"_

*Engineer :-* _"You don't know where you are or where you're going, you have no technical knowledge._
_You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!

Me: Hey, Android, how do I do [abc]?

Android: Oh, that's actually quite easy! All you need is permissi..

Me: Oh, you know what, nevermind. I'd rather fuck an industrial fan.

how do you know your dumbass linting rules have gone overboard?

this is how

Based on a true story that happened right now.

Dad: "how do i download youtube videos?"

Me: "just google youtube downloader and download them from some site, thats how i do it"

Dad: "WHAT!!??? You want me to fucking google it? I dont know how to fucking google for those things, you're the IT guy and you should know how to do this, if I wanted to google it i wouldnt ask you for help. You know what, get the fuck out of my face i dont need ur help, get out"

<label>
Name</label>

I don't know what kind of maniac formats their HTML like this. How do you sleep well at night?

If I flag a bug on your PR don’t fucking do this:

if (bugOccurs()) handleBug()

Fix what is causing the bug, don’t bandaid it.

Manager: wElL yOu NeEd To ExPlAiN tO tHeM eXaCtLy HoW tO fIx It, hOw ArE tHeY sUpPoSeD tO kNoW?!

Dev: …

nephew: what's the meaning of word "Enterprise", particularly in computing context?

me: No worries about that. Once You endup in enterprise You will know

nephew: How do I know?

me: when bug in your software prevent at least 250 people from doing their job, congratz, You are in Enterprise! And You will know that instantaneously, trust me :)

How do you call it when a senior Linux engineer doesn't know the awk command?

Kinda AWKward.

Before you rant, make sure it's not a repost.
Q: How do you know if it's a repost?
A: If it's a meme on the internet, so very probably that it's already posted here.. so don't

Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.

Me: I know

Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job

Me: I dont do IT

Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.

Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*

I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?

"PR rejected because you didn't do localisation"
"Wait, is that a requirement?"
"Yes"
"But there is no localisation in any of the 10 repos in this project!"
"Yes"
"So how do I know if I am expected to..."
"You don't, until I reject your PR"

You know you aren't a junior dev any more when you stop asking how to do something and start asking what is the most efficient way to do it.

Just curious, how is it like to work as a developer. I mean, as a profession and not a hobby or freelancing.

From devRant, so far I know that you work in an office, the managers and bosses are assholes, and people always write unmanageable and undocumented code.

What else is it like? Do you get to work alone or do you have to work with people? Do you stay there all day long?

I know its still going to be a while for me, but I want to know how it will be like.

Rant, but also want to know, how the fuck do you accidentally drop a database link. In production. On the most important database. Housing our biggest applications.

Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App

Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?

Us: •.•

When you know what you need, but don't know how to do it and can't get your thoughts into words well enough to ask on stackoverflow.

DEAR FRONTEND CLIENTS

STOP ASKING ME TO DO THE GEOMETRICALLY IMPOSSIBLE

YOU PASSED FIRST GRADE YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW SHAPES WORK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

How do you know if someone's an ArchLinux user?

Don't worry they'll fucking tell you.

Friend : I know how to program!
Me : Cool! What language do you program in?
Friend opens notepad and names file program.bat
You have disappointed me

How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

I honestly don't get too mad when people aks me to do things like install programs for them. This is not my dayjob, but when you think of it, they're right when they say "you are a programmer so you must know how to do that". We do know how to do that. When you have a question about plants and you know a farmer, you are going to ask the farmer, even though he is not a gardener. He will know. Just as we know how to use computers very well.

What gets on my nerves 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤

Please do it asap I'm sure it is a simple task

Interview:
Candidate claims being seasoned "senior".

Him: i don't know how the solve this
Me: you have to use binary search
Him: ahhaaa
Me: do you know binary search?
Him: yes
Me: can you please explain binary search?
Him: eghm, hmm, sorry I can't

Pressing every key on your keyboard because you don't remember how to open the boot option menu

You know we all do that.

Informal poll: how often do you find yourself looking up trivial things, even if you're a seasoned vet? I know I do almost every day.

Stranger at Cafe: what do you do?

Me: I study Computer Science

Stranger: Great! So should know how to operate this printer

Me: *facepalm*

At a point in your life, you'll settle down abit, and you start to think about what you've done in the past (idk) years of your life.

Then you think about your career, how everything is ever since you discovered you were good at a certain thing since highschool.

be it programing, writing random codes, pentesting (or if you had that "hacker" phase in your life) or fixing laptops and etc.

"Good"

You think about the word, and you had a thought: You only know how to do it, how it works, how its done, and how to do it.

You only "Know", it takes practice, patience, dedication and years (or months depends on you) of experience before you can really say for sure you're "Good" at it.

Me? Im no where near good. but that doesn't stop me from going there.

And i hope the same goes for you. You can do it,

Have a great day.

What irritates me the most, when non-developers ask me:
1. How many languages do you know?
2. You can't hack a fb account, what kind of CS graduate are you?

FUCK

Have you ever worked with people that constantly asks you what to do? People who are in the same spot as you, I mean.

- Hey, you should start debugging this while I finish this menu
+ So what's failing?
- I don't know man, but there's a bug
+ But where?
- You should look for it, I'm trying to link this to the controller
+ How can you not know?
- Do you know?
+ Where should I look for it? Here?
- ...
(One crappy solution after) + Here it is, I'm moving to something else
- ...

Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee

Mom: what is it you do exactly?

Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.

Mom: What is a bug?

Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.

Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.

You dumb bitch. I will get to your fucking low level ticket when I’m done doing more important shit. How do you have a job if you don’t know how to use fucking excel?! GOOGLE IT you fuck!

So Microsoft removed the transparency Aero Glass effect going from Windows 7 to 10, to make 10 more "modern", even though 7 was pretty as fuck with that transparency.

Now they're bringing it back with their wanky "acrylic" blur?

Make up your mind Microsoft

HR: you didn’t write in your job experience that you know kubernetes and we need people who know it.

Me: I wrote k8s

HR: What’s that ?

…
Do you know docker ?
Do you know what docker is ?
Do you use cloud ?
Can you read and write ?
Are you able to open the door with your left hand ?
What if we cut your hands and tell you to open the doors, how would you do that ?
What are your salary expectations?
Do you have questions, I can’t answer but I can forward them. Ask question, ask question, questions are important.
What is minimal wage you will agree to work ?
You wrote you worked with xy, are you comfortable with yx ?
We have fast hiring process consisting of 10 interviews, 5 coding assessments, 3 talks and finally you will meet the team and they will decide if you fit.
Why do you want to work … here ?
Why you want to work ?
How dare you want to work ?
Just find work, we’re happy you’re looking for it.
What databases you know ?
Do you know nosql databases ?
We need someone that knows a,b,c,d….x,y,z cause we use 1,2,3 … 9,10.
We need someone more senior in this technology cause we have more junior people.
Are you comfortable with big data?
We need someone who spoke on conference cause that’s how we validate that people can speak.
I see you haven’t used xy for a while ( have 5 years experience with xy ) we need someone who is more expert in xy.
How many years of experience you have in yz ??? (you need to guess how many we want cause we look for a fortune teller )

Not much changed in job hunting, taking my time to prepare to leetcode questions about graphs to get a job in which they will tell me to move button 1px to the left.

Need to make up some stories about how I was bad person at work and my boss was angry and told me to be better so I become better and we lived happy ever after. How I argued with coworkers but now I’m not arguing cause I can explain. How bad I was before and how good I am now. Cause you need to be a better person if you want to work in our happy creepy company.

Because you know… the tree of DOOM… The DOMs day.

- Do you know how to work in a team?
- Of course, in my last job it was my idea to form a union

Do you know how to milk a sheep?

You sell them iPhone accessories.

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.

Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost.

Engineer: You must be in Top Management.

Lady: Ya. How do you know?

Engineer: You don't know where you are or where you're going, you have no technical knowledge.
You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

Nothing like waking up to a text from a good friend, "do you know how to make phone apps?"

I hate hearing people say that it shouldn't take you that long. As if they know how long it takes to do your job.

Easy fix or change my ass!

Do you ever go on YouTube to look something up then like 3 hours later find yourself watching videos on how to train giraffes or something you really don't need to know?

Me: 'alriiight let's run this code here'

Logs: 'lol the function you did is deprecated. how about you don't do that, and do the right thing instead'

What was the right thing?
I don't know. It's not on their documentation in their site.

Thanks, js devs :) you guys are the absolute best

you know that feeling when have a "oh so that's how you guys do things here" moment at work... christ

Me: Do you like the client?
Dude: Yeah! How did you make that?
Me: I... I...
Also me: SHIT I DON'T KNOW.

Friend: "Do you know how to disarm a bomb?"
Me: "Like what, a Note 7?"

Go to business school to get a Finance degree... Since you already know how to code, why do you need study CS? Finance is hot now, make $$$$$$

Last week I designed the front page of a construction company website for getting the internship....
After showing my sample to the HR ..he mailed me asking
--->
"Do you know how to code?"
--->
Now I don't know is it sarcastic or I really don't know how to code.

so now i have to explain to customers how long a 30 day trial is...

do you guys know maybe, just maybe... HOW LONG A 30 DAY TRIAL IS?!?!?

When you know how to do it, but you just don't want to.

What a lazy fuck.

This so called full-stack developer doesn't know how to use mysql from command line. The only way he can do anything in the database is using phpMyAdmin or MySQL gui.

What? How do you even call yourself a developer when you don't know how to use basic command line tools?

The fucker wants me to find out why a particular feature is not working?

Why the fuck are you being paid for? You stupid idiot.

"Can you please grep ... in the server?"

What? Why would I do that for you? How about you ssh the server yourself?

What a waste of time.

You know what really grinds my gears? When new employees start shouting out suggestions of what feature we should do.. and how stupid this/that thing now.. or how slow that page is.. or how there's a bug somewhere.

WHAT WOULD'VE WE DONE WITHOUT YOUR OPINION?! thank you so much!!!

+10 points if their job has nothing to do with product or development

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP
please!!!

"Do you know how to code?"
"yes"
"Can you make me a portfolio?"
"Ermm"

Do you know how to exit from VIM? 😂😂

How many "normal" people (we as programmers are special) languages do you speak/understand?

I know English, Italian, some French & Spanish and some Slavic language like Macedonia, Serbian, Croatian and Slovenian. What about you?

"I'm not very smart with computers"

Why do people say that? Obviously you may not know 100% of what you can do with a computer, but NO ONE does! I get that some people know slightly more than others, but it all comes down to how much time you put into learning it!

And how do you even respond to that? "I know, I'm dumb." You can't ignore it or affirm it, you just have to awkwardly acknowledge and then change the subject. Ugh...

Getting called by my dad "how do I make a local network with my phone?"
"I don't fricking know, I don't have your phone"
"Well you are the tech guy"
Really now?

how do websites have the option to deny all cookies? don't they need a cookie to know you don't want cookies?

Manager: yo I need a time line for this shit.
Me: I don't know how long it takes.
Manager: tell me how long it takes.
Me: I can tell you what can be done in next couple hours. I don't even know what will happen tomorrow.
Manger: now tell me this time shit.
Me: .......

Seriously, dear fellow ranter. How do you estimate timeline? Your timeline is changing.

Nobody:
My dad: hey how do i do {{thing}} with this trucks multimedia system? What? No i dont know the exact model or release date or software version, arent you a programmer? You should know this without ever even seeing the outside of the car.

HR logic: You know how to write simple bash scripts and you have "expertise" in programming = You are our next kernel/hypervisor developer!

Girl, I do not even know what a hypervisor is.

You know you haven't coded enough when you forget how to do an html link.

Fucking hate when business people says this to me:
- You have no time to do this, we will find somebody else to do it. (EXCUSE ME? how do you know I have no time? If have no time I WILL TELL YOU)
- Your team is too busy, we will outsource that (IF THAT it's a priority, we WILL DO THAT, fuck you, I'll tell you if we need to outsource or not)
- Requirements are too complex to do now. We will think about it and we will tell you, maybe it's just enough to add a column to db (WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS too complex? I didn't even see anything we can call requirement, nor speak with relevant people, so how do you fucking know they are complex if you don't know shit about dev and our platform)

Conclusion
It's true, I have no time, because I don't fucking understand what do you want, so I'm running all day and night doing useless things.

How do you know my name, AliExpress?

How do you know if someone are using Arch Linux?

They will tell you.

Recruiter: how many years of experience do you have?
Me : 4
Recruiter: the client wants someone with a minimum of 5 years
Me : okay then, let me know if anything else is available.
Recruiter: You can change your resume... just add a year.
Me : ???? No thanks
Recruiter: they’ll never know ... you can tell them later
Me : ....

It continually never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me a question without doing the proper research beforehand. For instance, "How far is the Earth from Jupiter?" How am I supposed to know that? The only thing I'm going to do is Google it and then tell you anyway. Stop asking me stupid questions that you can easily search yourself!

Me: Do you know how to use a debugger?
Friend: printf(something);

Hey Citrix:

How about if my account is locked, you give me an error saying "my account is locked" and not "incorrect username and password"

SO I CAN KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO TO FIX THE ISSUE YOU JACKASSES.

Tommy: how much time do you spend on stackoverflow?
Jeff: *downvotes Tommy* you know alot actually

Person: "Why do you run your own server? why not rent a VPS instead of investing 1500 euros in your own server?"
Me: "Do you know how asspensive a VPS with 3TB of storage, 32GB of RAM and 16threads is? You gonna pay that for me?"

I don't know how you freelancers and contractors do it.

This god damn unknown company reported my websites' Facebook page is violating some intellectual property. Facebook report says I must contact the reporting party to get this resolved but there were no contact details specified!! I searched on Google and Facebook om how to contact Facebook but no luck.

How the fuck can I get this resolved if I don't know who reported this? Does anybody here know how the fuck I can contact Facebook?? If you do then please let me know!

Today I was trying to convince a colleague that:
fun example(){
if(thing){
//Do something
}
}
Is stupid because it should be
fun example() {
if (thing) {
//Do something
}
}
It's the small things that are the most frustrating

Me :: How do you know the difference between snowman and snow woman?

My Friend :: I don't know.

Me :: The difference is snowballs.

I really don't like billing time for things I am not really sure how to do and need time to educate myself on. This happens more often than my wallet is comfortable with and I spend more time learning than making money. How do you go about staying in an estimate or fixed budget when something comes up that you don't know anything about?

So uh... your computer might be being used for bitcoin mining, and you might not even know it. How do you feel about this? Do you consider the site freeloading off your computer's processing power?

I'm a programmer who is still learning, and I've been having some nasty impostor syndrome lately. How do you deal with it? And does anyone know some websites with good programming tests/quizzes? I want to see how much I know.

(also first rant yay)

A cousin: Hey, You're a programmer, right?
Me: Yeah, what do you need?
Him: My smart washing machine is not working, can you fix it for me?
Me: Well.. call the company.
Him: How can you call yourself a programmer? You didn't even know how to reconfigure my cable receiver yesterday!..
Me: .... (WTF internally).

How many of these algorithms do you know

Our clients are upto date with technologies and website standards. We make all our websites in Joomla using HTML5.3 and CSS3. How much of HTML5.3 do you know?

That moment a junior asks you for help and you walk over slowly...to realise that you know exactly how to fix his problem without google, and get to do so while cackling slowly in your head

Has it ever happened to you that you don't feel like doing anything at all? And you go in a loop of procrastination and then end up wasting just another day of your life?
I don't know how do I get out of this ...
don't feel I have a passion to do anything in life now 🥺

Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?
Person 2: As a matter of fact,I Excel at it .

Why on Earth are people letting management tell them how to code? It is not their job to know how to do it. Much less to tell you how to do it.

You know those ‘Pumped up’ days where you can just do anything? How do we make this an everyday thing? 🤔

Developer vs non developer interview:

Non developer:
How well do you know excel ?

Developer:
How would you write spreadsheet app, what if it was cross platforms mobile application but also desktop app ?

Non developer:
Do you know how to use windows?

Developer:
Do you know kubernetes, distributed systems, lambdas, cloud services and how to deploy to server farm ?

Non developer:
You know how to use printer / fax and coffee machine ?

Developer:
Do you have experience in writing code for embedded devices ?

Non developer:
Do you know powerpoint ?

Developer:
How well do you know javascript / html / css, are you comfortable with writing backend node.js code or electron applications ?
React native and native apps maybe ?

If I was to have a multiple monitor setup, I would definitely need to have the same type and size of monitors. I don't know how you guys without identical monitors do it.

Started a new job recently and feel like I don't know anything compared to everyone else, only got a years commercial experience but feel like I should know more! Anybody else ever feel like this when they were starting out? How do you overcome it?

If you don't know how to do it the proper way, just throw something together. :D
Might not be pretty, but it works... (only took about 3 hours)

Why do tech impaired people always break their tech and they have "no idea" how it broke...
Seriously? What did you do? You know what you were doing? Were you touching random setting again? For fuck sakes just tell me. You've fucking it up 3 times this week already it's not like I don't know your an incompetent prick.

Hi guys,

In general, how much do you think a front end developer gotta know to get hired as an intern?

When everybody has an opinion even though you didn't ask them and you know how to do it.

Simple PHP problems....

Devs with young kids: how the hell do you do it?

I am a foster parent for my cousin who is 4 months old and I don’t know how in the fuck to make this work. How do you do it? How do you balance code and kid?

For reference I work full time at a tech support place, I go to school full time, and I’m trying to pivot into software development, which means any free time is spent coding/studying code/building a portfolio. Problem is I don’t have free time because of the baby. How in the hell do people do this.

I've been using python in my work for about the past 2 years. I came from c++ and I still don't know how I feel about it. What do you think about python?

How do you deal with a boss who doesn't know code at all and he expects you to code for him??? How can I explain to him anything because even a single word like git confuses him... :/

"Do you know OOP in Java?"
"No, I don't."
"How about POJO?"
"I dunno too."
"Okay, so what do you know?"
"Pascal."
"Then why do you call yourself a Java programmer, dude?"
"Cuz, I'm a programmer, and I'am a Javanese."
"Oh..."

How do you know when to quit working for a particular company?

When you quit your job, what are the things or factors that tell you that that's the right time to do it?
🤔

Every c# job i see is like must also know .net, my question is, how the hell do you avoid learning .net when studying c#!?!

Do you know how to spoil my weekend? Interview me on Friday afternoon for my dream position and tell me that "you'll let me know Monday latest".

Guess who couldn't mentally switch off over the weekend?

How well do you speak git? Name all commands you know how to use 😄:

init, add, commit, remote, cherrypick, push, rm, rebase, reset, submodule.

Did I miss something?

Let us find the number of developers are on devRant . if you know how to do it.

Working 40 hours per week while doing freelancer stuff and now a fking masters degree due september this year. How do you guys manage it? I dont know if I could do it all... Fuck it

D: I can't get my files to my D drive
C: And you want me to help you with that?
D: Yes! You know how to do that
C: How about you move your files from your F:\ to your U:\ drive

How do you guys know how much to ask for freelance work? I'm always scared to ask too much and lose a client

Customers don't know what they want... How do you handle them?

I have absolutely no respect for developers who can't properly touch-type.

You don't see many cooks who don't know how to handle a knife, do you?

Do you have this culture at the office where your employer (management) try to shame you if you leave at the normal hour? How do you deal with it?

If you work in France I would like to know what's your work schedule, because I'm in a startup and everyone stay there until 18pm.

Why everyone in management wants to know how i solve the bug if you do not even know what is Bootstrap. All that matter is fucking bug is resolved PERIOD

While I’m here,
Do any of you know how I would start learning to develop iOS apps w/o an Apple computer?

I did it! I learnt vim!

...

Oh wait, how do you exit again?

This is how it feels with me and vim, every time I think I know it, it turns out there's a whole batch of shortcuts I had no idea existed :"(

You're working on a project, your boss has set you tasks to complete. You complete all the tasks and make pull requests of all the work you've done. Your boss is busy and you don't know what to do next? What do you do? Is it unethical to work on personal projects in work hours, because you're not being paid for that? How do you find other stuff to do?

non english speakers, tell me: how do you feel about the coding standard being english?

i know it is a given at this point, but i do wonder what it'd be like if it wasn't the case

"How do you do an NSLOOKUP?" Random developer today.... seriously, you've been a developer for two decades, and you don't know how to do an NSLOOKUP? Or at least how to Google to do an NSLOOKUP?

Do you know how hard it is to find a safe, virus free YouTube downloader that actually works? Very hard. How about one that downloads a whole playlist? Impossible.

"Programmers Know Everything"

Im writing this as myself cause, well this tends to happen to me alot!

When ever a friend or a friend of a friend has an issue with a website or just their computer they run to me, which is all fine but if I say "I dunno? I never heard of this issue so I do not know how to fix the problem."
Their response is normal "But dont you do websites? Surely you know how to fix a virus or bluescreens ?? "

I get the opportunity to talk with a pro today:

"Pro": hey do you know how to use tool X?

Me: well I've used it sometimes for simple stuff but I've always wanted to learn more advanced stuff.

"Pro": let me show you
*repeats the basics that are available in every single online tutorial and are tbh pretty obvious*

Me: yeah I know that but how do you use function A with option B under circumstance C? (Because I've encountered that recently)

"Pro": Oh... emm... I don't know. I don't think you'll ever need that use case tho

Problem with people asking us to repair things is that sometimes we don t know how to do it.

It's always closed source or you need to be aquainted with a weird new app/social network you never used.

Do you know how MySQL got it's name? Well, it's a really interesting thing one should know. Atleast, I find it really amusing.

~Michael "Monty" Widenius is one of the founder of MySQL and one of his daughter's name is My(after whom MySQL was named).~

How do you deal with managers/co-workers asking you the task status every hour? They keep on asking, is this done? is this done? It pisses me off to no end. Does anybody know how to handle this without being overly snarky?

Why on earth I am doing docs and sending them to the whole team, if they keep asking me how to do X and why is Y not working

YOU WILL KNOW IF YOU READ THE DOCS

GAAAAAAA

hey everyone,

how do you know if your boss really cares about you on your performance review or if he just wants to follow the trend?

Fuck being asked every time if I fix computers, Bitch I code in them!
It's like being asked: do you fix cars? No? But if work using your car, how come you don't know how to fix them?

Stick to one project about which you want to learn but don't know how to do it,complete it...and now you have learnt something new

How do you know someone is masochistic?
When the person tries to write an X11 application...not GTK or QT, simply everything from scratch.

How do you force yourself to work at night?

No matter how much I try my body is stronger than my brain. I can't keep my eyes focused after 00:00 and I have to sleep. I know people who stay up and keep developing in all-nighter.

How do you this?

How isolated do you have to be as a developer to not know why you don't commit compiled files into source control? And then argue about it?

I swear to god, If I have to explain git bisect to another "senior" one more time!! Like, how do you _not_ know this?! Know your basics, please! 🤬

How do you deal with having too much work on your back but still wanting to help people around you, because you know they are good people and trying their best but they also have too much work to do?

Dev! How the fuck do you cope with ignorant clients who thinks they know about software development but cants differentiate between a domain and a server!!

how do you know when it's time to refactor?

when you factor it in

How do you know when it is time for a break?

transition: color 0.5em linear;

When you cannot figure out what is wrong with this transition...

I wanted to accomplish new things today.

Instead I'm swimming in:

"This worked before"

- No it never worked that way, you want it to, but it never ever ever has done that thing NOT EVEN CLOSE.

"The thing..."

- Wtf is the god damn 'thing'? How could anyone possibly know what you're talking about? How do you go about life like this?

"How come we can't make it do X?"

- Because the code can't read your god damn mind, that shit isn't in the database, you don't update it and your laundry list of minor fixes for one time or non issues has resulted in you getting coded into a maze of stupid custom code so deep you're NEVER GETTING OUT!!!!

"Is your timezone before or after our timezone?"

- I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, I JUST TOLD YOU MY TIMEZONE, DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOUR TIMEZONE?!?!?!? IF YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO LOOK UP YOUR FUCKING TIMEZONE I SURE AS HELL AM NOT!!!

You know that stage you reach when you no longer feel like you can't format text without Googling how to do it, and you confidently build well-designed apps with elegant code?

That stage does arrive, eventually? Right?

When your professor doesn't know how to set their PATH and you have to do it for them. God, I hate intro CS classes.

Went to a friends house and the mother said "Hey, you're a professional with computers. How do you download a song on SoundCloud?" - How the fuck should I know, did I make the websute? Shit.

Managers hiring process in my mind.

Do you know how to:
Code? No
Pick up the phone? No
Repair stuff? No
Doing photocopies? No
Swipe the floor? No

You are hired!

Me: finally we have automated deployment to production
Team Lead: No production deployment still requires manual approval
Me: ok how do you want to handle it slack, webhook, what do you suggest
Team Lead: let's do a proof of concept (POC) for this
Me: Ahh... Poc for this ?
Team Lead: you don't know sh*t ?
Me: well I know you're are creating that here

Next day team change...

Pluralsight said I'm in the 85th percentile of people who know JavaScript and therefore I'm an ”Expert"

So now I walk around like, "bro do you even know how to pass a callback?" 😏

As a developer, when learning a new language how do you know when your good enough to start making projects to test knowledge or skill?

#AskingForSuggestions
Suppose, you were given a project source code of an Android app, a pretty BIG sized app. You don't know anything about the code unless you read line by line. Now you were given a deadline to fix some bugs, but you don't know where to start or where to put breakpoints to debug. In that case, how would you do it? How would you debug the code?
Thanks

!rant
How do you get to learn something new? By doing tutorials on YT, Udemy? Going directly to the documentation of the tool/language..etc ? Reading books ? And to practice what you've learned what do you do? Do you build something that you've previously done in another language or look for ideas or how is it? Does anybody know about a "list" of "programs" that can be developed to practice a language knowledge? Thanks :P

How do you know if computer science is for you? I'm thinking about majoring in It.

How much do you need to know about a topic , for you to blog about it?

Boy, if that colleague next to me doesn't stop tapping his foot and bopping his head, definately a good old: "shutdown /s /c "Do you know how annoying you are!?!? /f" coming his way!

How do you find open source projects you want to contribute to? I'm trying to find projects I'm interested in but don't really know what to do.

How do you guys deal with really stupid PMs? I had one ask me 3xs to call the client and send emails because he's lazy and doesn't know how to be a PM + he's dumber than a box of freaking rocks.

I have small knowledge in programming in Java, have not learned it in a couple of months, and I was wondering, how do you take what you know to make a larger piece of software. HTML and CSS seems easy in comparison as I know how to a websites but, I can't comprehend Java programming.

How do you know you're about to spend a wole lot of shitty months ?
When the boss comes in with a big smile on his face shouting out "Good news everyone !"
I almost fainted.

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!

> IHateForALiving: Mister Supervisor, I need to do X, I know how to do it with Vue but I can't do it in AngularJS, how did you do it in the past?

> Supervisor: It's a mess, you need to do A, B, C, D and E, but webpack interferes so you have to come up with something to bypass the whole thing

> Me: ok whatever thx

> Supervisor: I know it's a problem, a more modern framework would do it in a heartbeat :(

Those are bold words for the guy who saw my first PoC, noticed I was using Vue and made me throw everything in the rubbish, explicitly ordering me to use AngularJS.

Dear client, when I reply to your email with ""Noted with thanks". You really don't have reply back to me with "Thanks". You are just wasting the internet bandwidth. Do you fucking know how expensive is the bandwidth.

How do you hide your javascript file from showing for your client..aside from using obfuscation... do you know anyway to do this using npm and where you would just go

Var hide = require(‘hide something’);
hide(“public/my.js”);
hide(“public/my2.js”);
Hides it from clients and still able to access functions by these javascript files?

It's 3am. Do you know how your production deployment is going?

How often do you go for an interview? A senior once told me to go for job interviews regularly to know where you stand. WDYT of this advice?

On interview: do you know SVG?
intern: yes

It turns out that they meant that they know how to select "SVG" as the export format.

Thank god that intern went into the design department and not coding.

How do you rant when people you know in real life have found you on devrant?

I know you can start a build process in the visual Studio dev console. Is there a way to start this process from a PowerShell sript? And if yes, how do I do this?
I want to/ need to learn automated testing.

MFers... DevRant is not StackExchange. Got a question because you don't know how to do something? F*cking go to StackExchange and ask there.

How do you usually divide the commits?

I'm a student and I would like to know your coding preferences at both work and your personal projects. Do you prefer to commit almost fully coded classes or you just rapid-fire all the functions you finished?

You know when your one man project has come along so far that it suddenly is more fun to use it than develop it. How do you guys muster up the discipline to keep working towards the goal?