If you're going to ask for my help

... and then do the opposite of everything i say

... and then complain when things don't work

... and continue to ignore everything i say

HOW ABOUT YOU JUST FUCK OFF

Get off my hands! I'm trying to work 😒

Aardwolf is very fun and i suggest y'all play it a bit if you're looking for better ways to slack off at work

$ telnet aardwolf.org 4000
*port 23 also works

When you get a day off and you want to work on a personal project, but your spouse has other plans.

FUCK OFF WINDOWS. I NEED TO WORK BECAUSE MY DEADLINE IS COMING BUT NO, THE FUCKING WINDOWS DECIDED TO FUCKING UPDATE. I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE RIGHT NOW, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SOFTWARE. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 1 HOUR TO GET TO 35%. 🖕🖕🖕🖕

Just made a laser sentry tower for my cats. Next up is adding some tracking so it can play with them by itself while I'm at work and after that I'm adding a Wi-Fi module and camera so that i can also play with them while I'm at work... I couldn't resist using a mouse to top it off 😂

You all, something is wrong. No one has pissed me off at work recently (other than boss, but he does that by existing). I'm not sure if they've all learned, or if shit is about to hit the fan.

Dear son: when I ask you to stop using Netflix because I need all the network juice for a work-related call, please do close it or play a downloaded movie. Don't just turn the volume off...

When you push to Github Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday only, work a Sunday but then take that day off a few weeks later

The trend of referring to staff you just laid off as “alumni” is fucking stupid.

So is emailing and asking said recently laid off staff to join an “alumni committee” that involves, among other things: going to off sites and community events that the company will almost CERTAINLY be using for recruiting photos and “Best place to work” blog posts.

Just send me my final pay and fuck off already.

!rant

It's Friday and my boss let us off work early...

So imma just chill and try to catch the sun

Fire alarm went off at work. Firefighters are here. Forgot to commit...

It's weird reading about everyone bitching about their PM / manager, and I'm here and have the best boss anyone can ask for. I work from home whenever I want, if I work extra I can always take that extra time off. If I work weekends I get 100% overtime pay. If I want to learn new tech for a project he tells me to go nuts.

What I'm really trying to say here is.. in all yo faces I guess. \o/

When you work your ass off to meet the deadline and once you miraculously make it, the client decides to wait with the launch for a few more weeks.

When you start a job and they tell you to put your nice laptop away, because you'll have to work on a company provided laptop running Windows 7 in a constricted environment on a project using Svn. And to top it off they tell you to trade in your IntelliJ for NetBeans.

Did I just travel back in time?

I probably need to take a day off to do the things I need to do at work.

"We are expecting you to start working asap..and complete the frontend (of a webapp that's​ expected to take 2 months to develop) in 2 weeks "

" So do I expect to get paid X amount for this ?"

" Let's make that X/2"

Fuck off you dipshits.. You expect quality work and fast work ..then get ready to pay at least by market standards.

Today I'm going to work on my side project that I haven't touched in weeks.

I want to utilize Angular 2 which means I'll need to learn TypeScript. I also want to use the new .Net Core and EF Core 1.0. Oh and I want to handle authentication using JWT!

Wow, that's gonna be a lot of effort to get things off the ground... maybe instead I'll use this time to learn some new concepts. Maybe watch this episode of Fun Fun Function, or maybe this video on writing Assembly code for an app on Raspberry Pi, that sounds cool!

Actually, you know I should really teach myself dependency injection and unit testing for once. I'm so behind the times.

Well, really I should finish this book on design patterns first. Ok, where did I leave off? Page 20 I think... ehh... maybe I'll just work on my side project.

Tomorrow... tomorrow, I'll work on my side project.

!rant

There are some extremely competent, blind developers where I work. They have a tool that read screen elements out loud to them.

At first it was chocking to see they work with the screen off. It makes total sense though, however this thought never crossed my mind before. Their headphones serve as screen to them, which is pretty cool.

I work for a "Visionary" in our org. Motherfucker will use something for five minutes and decided it's the new-hot, and off we go chasing it.

"I did a Python + AWS tutorial last night, I get it. We need to start migrating everything to Lambda today."

A week later he hits his first error message that needs more than five minutes of work to solve and we're moving to a local Haskell stack.

Boss: don't worry about the architecture, it's an one-off project, just make it work...

2 months later...

Boss: hey, remember that one-off project? we need to add in a few more features... Also can we reuse that code for this new one-off project we have to do for this new client?

Adventures in security land, part II:

I’m getting pulled off the security review team and instead relegated to part-time security tickets alongside my usual dev work. (So, someone else finds them, i fix them.)

Guess I found and debated too many problems with the lead dev’s code. 🙄

Coworker: There's clearly a bug here, this thing just says OFF and doesn't work!

Me: Well, did you try switching it to ON?

Coworker: OH SHIT that fixed it!

up at 11:30pm finishing some work when fire alarm goes off.... waited to see if my tests passed before leaving

Was coding on a project at home and suddenly i got the feeling that i had forgotten something...
*Checks the time*
06.30AM
Oh... yeah...sleep...
Hello coffee my old friend...
Time to head off to work then :)

How often does this happen to you?

Had this a week ago. Was setting my alarms for the morning and noticed that (I always run one test alarm just to be sure) the alarm sound wasn't working for whatever reason.

*maybe I should turn it off and on again?*
*nah that's bullshit, it should just work like this, if not, something is seriously wrong!*

*goes to sleep while running the alarms on an old phone*

*tries to do the turning it off and on again anyways next day*

*IT WORKS*

*Le me feeling like a very stupid end user 😐*

Installed an SSD in my Linux box. Installed fresh distro, tried to log in via SSH on localhost. Didn't work. Tried like three times, turned off firewalls, restarted ssh servers, nothing.

Looked at username. Typo in username when setting things up. *facepalm*

Manager: You know you really shouldn’t pay off your mortgage faster than you absolutely have to. It’s the cheapest money you’ll ever get!

Dev: I’d rather work towards being debt free. Besides my RRSP (401k) is already maxed out

Manager: RRSPs are a scam! TFSAs (Roth IRAs) are way better

Dev: My TFSA is maxed out too

Manager: 😡 You still shouldn’t pay off your mortgage!

Dev: …

I decide to come by scooter and the weather goes crazy!

Weather predictions are "Heavy rain to very heavy rain" for the next few hours!

Fortunately, I have a work-all-night-take-next-day-off policy (which my manager frowns upon but is cool with!)

So, code-mode ON! 😎

Been off work for the last 2 weeks, got a text yesterday and apparently everything was manic. Kind of nice to know everything falls apart when I'm not there ;)

Cool, I found a bug in Ruby!
And it’s preventing my debugging from working!
Asjfkladfsj

It’s 2:30am and I want to finish this crap.

No, I’m not doing any work tomorrow. I’m taking the day off to sleep.

You might remember this board from my last post...
After weeks and weeks of trying to get this microcontroller to work I finally managed, and of course the problem was that I was being stupid...
Anyway, it now fades an LED on and off! Very fun, now to make a keyboard...

Finally D-Booted Ubuntu on my home computer.
Now I'm just waiting for the frantic texts from my wife during the work week telling me "I hate this new system, get it off our computer."
WOMAN!
You must learn CLI. It is the only way to inner peace.

Yay, it's Monday!
And as Monday's go, there's a prod deployment, cool beans! 30 min later it's done!

So why the rant?

Because I'm on FUCKING ANNUAL LEAVE YOU BITCHES!!!!!

Fuck it, it's done, I'm going back to bed.

That one cunt who keeps turning the air con off because he came to work in shorts and sandals and now he feels cold.

Missing the first entry date for university was probably the best thing that happened to me.

Got to work full time and show off my expertise in "reallife scenarios" for nearly a year.

Best experience i could've made until now.

Today’s achievement: my phone didn’t autocorrect ‘fucking’ to ‘ducking’.

Clearly it’s as pissed off as I am about receiving shitty emails from the other team manager in my dept giving me and my team work to do and throwing us under the bus when he does jack shit all day except read BBC news and go on Facebook. On the odd occasion he does actually do work, it’s not good work, it’s riddled with bugs because he’s ‘too senior to need a code peer review’. Such a fucktard...

Oh, and the work he’s asked us to do technically sits in his team so I’ll be firing that straight back at him 😁

I’m all for being a team player and helping each other but I’m going to protect my team over helping someone. The gloves are about to come off....

!rant

I got a promotion at work!

Is it weird that I don't want it because I still feel like I have too much to learn to no longer be a "junior"? I'm happy that my hard work is paying off but I'm worried that this is how bad senior devs are made.

So I dropped an FYI via slack to a colleague and they immediately replied!

How dare they! They are on vacation!

Turn off your slack, disable your notification, don't check your mails.

Your work shouldn't have any impact on how you spend your vacation. We will manage.

Found this little gem today in some legacy code at work.

Apparently this is the best way to split a datetime (hh:mm:ss mm/dd/yyy).

If only there was a function that could split a string by keying off characters.

Oh wait there is....

I decided to give it a comment memorial.

my boss asked me to log in 1h30 after i logged off because "a user has been experiencing this bug the entire day and i should fix it because we're on maintenance tomorrow " but a) it's a known bug that we can't reproduce, he should've notified sooner the issue; b) it's not a big deal, i can fix it tomorrow, it's just not ticking a column in the database; c) I'm off work, go cry about it

Company is laying me off in less than a month. Thousands of others as well. Our whole department is going away but not the work. Yet I still have to meet a deadline that is just days before they stop paying me. My motivation to do this work is in the toilet.

I just gave a successful demo to the CEO and CTO of a company I'm doing some contract work for. The questions they were asking led to me going off script, luckily it all worked!

This really pisses me off. As a front end developer (ember.js, HTML and Css) colleagues and boss and pm are always making jokes how I just need to change a button or a color and whenever there is a bug in the UI there's always big fun and jokes around it. But when there's a bug in the API, they never joke around, it's just : oh yeah we're getting the wrong data or an exception. But they always like to undervalue UI work even when it involves complex layouts, multi browser compatibility, responsive design, mobile browsers etc.. While they just code their API to connect to a database and everything works they don't really need to worry about what the user is using as a browser. They just get requests and send replies. I don't really think people value the work in front end as much as backend and that pisses me off as I believe there's a lot more going on in the front end.. I know they mean well and they are all cool people but sometimes it pisses me off as they don't value my work..

When you sit down to work on a project and you just can't figure it out. Next thing you know it's 3am, so you clamber into bed. Nodding off, nice and cosy when suddenly: What's that brain? You've figured it out?

WTF is this bullshit?!! I set an alarm on my phone for 9:00 and 9:15 just in case... The alarms went off at 10:00 and 10:15, now I am an hour late for work. Just how does that even work?!!! Yeah, time changes but you don't change the fucking alarm Huawei! FFS... I really don't look forward to explaining this...

Also.. devRant on mobile seems to be broken? :( @dfox

Thanks to Microsoft and Windows for making my work day one hour shorter. FUCK OFF WITH THIS FORCED UPDATE/RESTART SHIT!!!! Who the fuck in Microsoft thought that this was a smart idea? Fucking assholes. And yes, I did tell it to only update outside office hours. Doesn't work apparently.
Luckily it's easy to explain to my boss why I had one hour of not being productive.

I just remembered I had changed my system settings from 'lock after 5 mins of inactivity' to 'lock never' (during an installation)

But I can't remember if I actually logged off after work! Dammit.

Come in to work to find my PC is off, power cut in the night. Now I need to reload everything.
#DeveloperProblems

I tried github copilot. Spent the first hour trying to work out how to turn off the inline copilot popup star thing. Asked copilot. It gave me the wrong answer. So, a coding AI doesn't even understand its own documentation.

Our jobs are safe.

Got my first offer for a developer position and I start in a month. A lot of hard work has finally paid off and I can't wait to start. Any words of advice or wisdom?

Why do so many companies think that frontend work can be stuffed at the end of the product development right before a release is expected.

And to top it off, expect all things to be working, smooth, animating, responsive, crisp, fast with 100 fucking lighthouse score.

🖕 To everyone who thinks frontend work is meh!, Not real programming and similar. Fuck you!

I've been so pissed off so many times, I thought I should divide them into categories.
- Pissed off at a fellow dev: I told him to use a constant instead of a hardcoded number.
He changed this: obj.method(3);
to this:
public static final int three = 3;
obj.method(three);
- Pissed off at management: I once got a $10 yearly raise.
- Pissed off at a client: They rejected our design proposal because the text was in spanish and they didn't speak spanish. It was lorem ipsum text.
- Pissed off at code: I once had to refactor a 500 line legacy jsp script with HTML, CSS, JS and Java completely intertwined.
- Pissed off at Twitter: They changed their API the day of our go-live, breaking all of their widgets, forcing us to move the go-live date and making me work an additional 8 hours after a week with almost no breaks.
- Pissed off at travel and logistics: They sent me to a hotel in Mexico City 2.5 hours away from the client's office.

Fun times...

I HATE my work but I STILL go to work because I need money to pay-off mortgage.

Who remembers time when you actually had to press power button in order to turn your computer off?

Seen some YouTube video the other day with kids nowadays told to work on an old computer with I think win95 and no one figured out what the cryptic "You can now turn your computer off" meant :-)

So, my plans:

Life
* to have my firstborn child and do my best as a father
* to pay off ~half of my 5yr lease (my brand new car arrived at the dealer yesterday, I will be picking it up within 2 weeks, yay!)
* not to die from starvation while paying it off

Work:
* to become more comfortable and fluent in my current position to reduce stress and save time for personal goals (learning another language / technology so that I'm not a prisoner of the field I'm good at)

Hobby:
* to publish my first Android game (or at least be close)
* to make indie game development my hobby, a way to vent off after work and hopefully a source of additional income
* learn to draw just a little (for my game dev)

😸:oh hi, i came in early to checkout this game, but i was just about to get off and start work.
😎:I'm not your boss. I don't caire what you do.
👺:I am your boss, and as long as you get the work done, on time, and done well, I don't care if it looks lie you are doing nothing but being paid to play games. If anyone does bother you about playing games at work let me and I will let them know to leave you alone.

Finally ... Off to home after 5 months of work!!👻👻

The only documented case that “have you tried turning it off and in again” is confirmed not to work

Sometimes I leave comments to myself at the end of the work week to remember on monday where I left off
Anyone else does this? 🤔

When your work alarm goes off on a Bank Holiday Monday because Apple still dont have a feature to disable alarms on Bank Holidays. Cheers Tim.

CEO: “Everyone has to come back to the office. No more COVID working from home nonsense. We need to work together in person to be truly effective.”

Everyone: “There aren’t enough offices and desks for everyone.”

CEO: “Oh, also, we’re laying off thousands.”

Everyone: “Well, ok, but there’s still not enough room for everyone to work together in the same spaces.”

CEO: “Ok, contractors can work from home to make room for the remaining full-time employees.”

Me, a contractor:

I starting to think, that I may actually be addicted to learning 😅 sound completely stupid, but I'm kinda stressed lately, so I wanted to take a day off, and not do anything.

But my mind kept being like "how does this work, how does that work, how do they fit together". I've never really tried before, to not research something, when I wanted to know how it worked, but Damn it's actually been hard not to...

I currently work 60 hours a week, working two jobs just so I can earn enough money to pay off loans, get better equipment and basically just survive.

I don't get what people don't understand about how monthly bills work.
"But I already paid you once!"
"Yeah, for the work we did two months ago. This is the bill for the work we did last month."
"... But I already paid you once!"
"Yes, and then you asked us to do more work"
"... ... But I already paid you once! Why are you trying to rip me off!?!"
*sigh*

Holy shit, today I was the first person to arrive at work... And then the alarm came on... I didn't knew the code 😅 sooooo a panic phone call later, I turned it off but holy Shit... I've never had this rush this early of the day

Manager told all of us to leave at 5 instead of 6:30 because of Christmas.

Then he told us to work from home this Friday and take Monday off cuz Christmas is on a Sunday.

"If you want to set off and go develop some grand new thing, you don’t need millions of dollars of capitalization. You need enough pizza and Diet Coke to stick in your refrigerator, a cheap PC to work on and the dedication to go through with it. " - John Carmack

Driving to a family friend after work to check his wifi connection issues.

Turns out that she didn't knew about the hardware switch to turn it on and off again... 😏

When some one at the company decides to branch off from the main codebase and end up with several outdated and separetely modified branches for two years.

Yeah nice work genius and good luck with resolving over 250 files of merge conflicts.

Just kill me now 😭

"Hey, I need a website making.."
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.

"I can't believe you're turning away work.."
As if I don't have enough shit to deal with without this douchebag.

WHY THE FUCK DOES AUTOCOMPLETE = "OFF" GET IGNORED 😡😡😡

managed to find a work around for the password field, but god forbid there's one for the username field 👿

I feel like I've tried everything google has to offer

I have been sick for a week now. All I needed was one day of rest. But no, can't rest on the week days because I work late. Can't rest on weekends because work fucking calls me for retarded tasks that they are just too fucking lazy to do themselves.

Look gobknob, I understand you're not paying me overtime. Fuck you for that. But to deny me a day off because "we are too busy" and you can clearly see I'm fucking falling around due to illness is just a shit move.

"no doctors note, no time off". Yeah. You don't give me time to go to the doctor.

So you know what I did? I fucking went to the doctor now. Said I'm sick as a dog. Gave me a few days off too.

I should have asked him to prescribe my director a butternut sized suppository that cures all "I'm a shithead" ailments.

Time to try and turn my phone off for a few days (won't work. "oh no! We hired fuck twits who can't do their job, and now our skilled dev is sick" director "FUCKING PHONE HIM" this shit really happens.).

Excuse my grammar, my spelling, and possibly my punication. Time to sleep after 65 hours.

Just arrived in Sydney 2 days ago and reported for work yesterday. I looked at my laptop's clock and it said its 4:40pm. Cool! Another 20 min and I'm off.

I started fiddling around with my machine settings and noticed my Location setting is off. I switched it on. My time is updated to 2:43pm.

MOTHERF****!!!

If you’re angry at testers for constantly finding bugs and returning your garbage tasks, don’t. Wipe the Cheetos dust off your fingers and keyboard just once and try to write something that will actually work properly.

If you know you're writing code that other people will have to work off of and you refuse to comment, can you at least have descriptive variable names so I don't have to spend an hour trying to figure out wtf something is. One letter does not make a variable name.

Went to college feeling like I didn't know enough to keep up with the game development course, ended up knowing so much that I tested out of my entire first year and ended up teaching my professors what to do. I got special permission to ditch classes and on several occasions taught the class stoned off my ass. I didn't need to submit homework or take tests. I had my own game studio founded so I was allowed to show off my work as my final project. College was a great time for me lol

Totally showing my immaturity here, but...

Sometimes it’s good to go to the bathroom at work and laugh at people’s farts. Really takes the edge off of a day full of bullshit.

This guy over at the urinal was farting for a good 10 seconds and I couldn’t stop laughing.

Have a positive mindset. If the work in general sucks, you can almost always find some micro or nano task that you can focus on. Then you find something more fun to work with and switch job. But until then, stay positive and be happy. And use devrant to blow off steam.

Don't you love having a colleague who is your lead developer and does absolutely nothing all day, looks at online deals 80% of the day and when you spend half an hour amending a friend's wordpress website, decides to tell you off and that you're taking the piss because you spent half an hour doing something other than work... Cheers pal, why don't you get off the deal websites and do some actual work instead of trying to assert power which you clearly aren't qualified for.
Regards.

Partners off at TAFE and I've got 3 hours to kill before walking to work, maccas and writing it is then!

Wish I brought my Mac so I could work on my other projects but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I've never coded (for work) on vacation. I just turn off my work laptop and my work phone. So I can spend the first week of back to work for going through my email & messages.

I'm not irreplaceable and I work with competent people. (At least that's my goal at work.)

I have a neighbor with a really annoying car alarm.

It went off at 2am.

It’s not the first time it’s gone off in the middle of the night (though sometimes it goes off in the middle of my work meetings; variety really is the spice of life).

I can’t go back to sleep once I’ve woken up (doing so, like, always results in getting a migraine).

I am so tired.

Company: people are not taking holidays, let's have after work party midweek so they have to take a day off.

Employees: (next day after late night party) I'm calling in sick

When you get called back into work at 5:30 in the morning for an urgent problem... Come to find out its because, "I forgot my internet access password, can you reset it...?" Are you shitting me? Fucking (L)user! In taking today off, fuck this.

That moment when you take the time to explain the idea of camelCase variable naming as opposed to the Underscores to this hot new girl at the the office and she comes back to you showing off her handy work and you notice how her very first variable is named camelToe

Worst Monday ever.... going back to work today after a lovely week off. Just checked my emails before I get to the office and I’m already offended by the amount of ‘stupid’ that has happened whilst I’ve been away. Wish me luck, I may have murdered someone by the end of the day!

If anything pisses me off more than some random client talking trash about my software bc they don't know how to use it, it is some guy taking credit for someone else's work and get away😡

Took some time off with the Mrs for our crotch goblin's first birthday and it was wonderful. I properly switched off for the first time since he was born, barely touched a keyboard, went outside, slept. I felt great.
But Jesus H Christ trying to get my mind back into work mode is a slow and difficult process. More coffee please.

You know its a good end of the work week, when you feel compelled to mention the Geneva convention in your last PR before logging off :)

I feel so stressed at work right now.

QA signed off on a fix I made, I signed off on a fix I made, and other people signed off on the fix, but it gets out to production and people find it's broken, I get the finger pointed at me.

It's really stressing me out, especially when our client needs custom logic to make their use cases work, and the BE and FE are scrambling to make it work.

It's really affecting the way I work and I don't know what to do. I talked to my boss and he just tells me to "stay positive". Someone please help me.

You get home from work and one half of your brain goes, "Let's just code a little to catch up on the backlog", and the other half of your brain goes, "No way you psycho, we're off from work and we're not getting paid for this. I'm not helping!"

And that's why you're code sucks when you're not at work!

Lead Dev sends rant about the app being a week late...

Doesn't take into account that I was pulled off it for two weeks to work on something else and the other dev was on maternity for two weeks :/

How's the week so far you ask?

> I got dumped with unacceptable reason, I cannot swallow that reason

> My boss says I haven't been doing good work (I'm fresh off the boat)

> I've been working alone for 3 hours extra, because my team members are on CL (again fresh off the boat)

> I've been stuck on an issue which is already live since a week, because according to seniors I have to do it.

Personally, I've lost interest in everything and I and being nihilist.

Companies that expect interns to work for free since they are learning at the job. sincerely fuck off!

I just got my stickers in the mail... looking very elegant on my computer. I can't wait to show off at work 😍
Thanks for everything @dfox and @trogus, and thanks to all the devRanters 😉

!dev

I'm checking out at Walgreens right now and have an item with a security device on it. The cashier just took a pair of scissors to it. Didn't work obviously and now I think she's trying to rip the cords off the box

Please who the fuck wrote sql query with 6 nested select queries as 1 giant view. Literally 6 paranteses. Garbage 30 year old legacy codebase Please fuck off i now understand why nobody wants to work on this bullshit

Came into work this morning and my scrum master has decided to take my desk and now I'm working off my laptop screen. I forgot he needed 3 displays for Excel, Outlook and JIRA.

Should have kept a copy of my best code off of my work computer. That way it wouldn't have been confiscated along with the computer during the layoffs. [sniff] I had some beautiful Stored Procedures I can't satisfactorily remember how to reproduce. 😅

No Fucking way am i gonna work 40 more years for $8.125 an hour. Fuck off. Thats $624,000 EARNED OVER MY ENTIRE LIFETIME

Literally everyone in this corporate industry can get fucked. I have to escape this trashhole rat race. No other option for me

Did some freelance work off the books and now the guy is threatening to sue me .. nice

Nothing breaks a dev's heart more than when you plan to spend your day off programming and work asks you to do a full day .-.

Why must everything cost money .-.

🤖 working with people that actually wanna work. And when they don't want to, just take the day off. 7 days pretentious work == 2 days actual work

month off on vacation

come back to work and try to remember shit

struggle to decipher/remember public wiki documents you wrote prior to vacation

ugh

My boss ask me to work from 5pm to 11pm at a Sunday. He said I can take a half day off tomorrow from 9am to 12pm :)

That moment when you have to work but actually want to watch a Christmas charity livestream 😔 lucky there were no high priority bugs today, so I watched it on anders off

When you work for a week day and night to compete a feature, because top management said it's the highest priority. Then when you're about to send it off to test, they tell you it is no longer required.

How do you teach non-technical coworkers to trust you're doing your work to the best of your ability? You know the type, they're used to having everything measured by simple numbers. Number big = good work. Number small = bad work or slacking off. The moment they run into something that doesn't work like this, their heads explode.

What a satisfying and yet freaking scary thing when you run

# git checkout -b feature/lostHoursWorkingOnThis
# git reset -- hard <commit from 3 months ago>
# git push upstream master --force

Just when you're at the final sign off of a major change and the business goes "nope, we want to make even more changes before we sign off ok this"

🤷‍♂️out of scope gone wrong!!

Well fuck you, I got shit to deploy, all this work can get out of my way!

If you want to set off and go develop some grand new thing, you don’t need millions of dollars of capitalization. You need enough pizza and Diet Coke to stick in your refrigerator, a cheap PC to work on and the dedication to go through with it. ~John Carmack

trying to get a feature to work and then realizing you turn it off over a month ago.

Yesterday was a day off so I developed a vue, vuex , laravel application. Today back to work and start writing some shity code!

So I just spent over two hours trying to get...5 elements to align nice and even. Sometimes I would think I had it then..nope. Everything is thrown way off.

The one thing I've learned so far is to throw everything into more divs if something isn't working, and maybe that'll work

The first day back to work after almost 2 weeks off...

And Slack is down. Time to make it a 2 weeks + 1 day vacation.

Customer signs off that work is complete via email.
Customer calls back saying the delivery is incomplete.
I tell customer they need to QA better and we can fix it.
Customer is no longer a customer.

I'd just like to thank the developers on the pornhub site for their amazing work.

I have a shitty internet connection that cuts off every ten seconds and reconnects after 30 seconds. I was searching for a particular channel when my connection cut off just as I wrote 'fake' when it reconnected 30 seconds later, the search autocompleted itself. thank you very much you amazing programmers.

Very proud to work at my company
They've just been voted for one of the best places to work in the UK. Hard worked studying paid off.

They said do freelancing, you can work from wherever you want. But, I haven't left my house even once in last 7 months.

They said do freelancing, you get to take off days whenever you want. But, I haven't taken even a single day off, after starting freelancing.

They said do freelancing, you will have better work-life balance. But I feel like, I just code and go to the gym and sometimes make YouTube videos.

They said do freelancing, it's better security-wise. But, every month I'm fucking petrified thinking if I even will survive and pay my bills next month.

They said do freelancing, you can work and travel at the same time. But, I've been married 7 months now and haven't taken my wife to honeymoon trip yet.

Am I doing freelancing wrong?

Weeks after our partner has been nagging us to release to production because we've been putting it off because their API sucks and wouldn't properly work.... we finally did....

except their production API doesnt even work LMAO

Woo finally off to work :D

All devs in the company are booked 120% until late summer. Boss just sold another 6000 hours cloud project to kick off in 2 weeks. I’m the PM, and my colleagues will hate me for this thinking that it’s my fault they have to work their asses off for the next 5 months!

MY FUCKING COLLEGE PISSED VOC REHAB OFF SO MUCH THEY DROPPED MY FUNDING.

i got to waste 6 hours doing unnecessary work to learn this.

Thanks, Columbia College. Eat shit.

Mornings before starting office work
During start of lockdown: Wake up early, freshen up, do daily exercise, get sunlight from the window, write an article or work on side project for an hour, then start off to work...
5 months after lockdown: Wake up just 5 minutes before office work, brush my teeth and start off with office work...

Got a promotion and had a loose definition of what my new tasks were. I got overwhelmed with being the go-to for project and account managers, and 75% of our devs, on top of my own work I had to complete for clients.
Eventually I wrote up a 2 page document of things I had to deal with daily/weekly and how I don't have time to do my work, so why should I even bother to do it.
We got it resolved, my boss took some of the tasks off my plate (like training the new hires) and allows me to work from home whenever I need to finish up work.

Offshore contractors have become so painful to work with recently, we have since dubbed them 'off chore'.

Just resigned from my work at FAANG and damn it feels good.
Those golden handcuffs, damn, they are hard to get off.

// not strictly a devRant
Had a minor operation last week. Surgeon said I'd be fine to work immediately after.
I only managed a half-day at work (the day after the operation) before the pain became unbearable. That was 5 days ago - been off since.
Hate taking so much time off - halfway through a project, gonna go back to a mountain of work and a tighter deadline!

I committed to some work I probably should have turned down. Great people and enjoyable work but I agreed to a good hourly rate but I have a cap of 20 hours a week. I keep putting in extra hours that I don't get paid for. I want the work to be good and don't think it can be completed in 20hrs per week. The work involves mentoring others and I just can't leave in the middle of helping them. My husband is fed up with my wimpyness. I am putting off a project we are working on together to do this work. The contract will be over in 3 months. What do I do?

Freaking hate it when people's ringtones go off randomly at work. Gonna go mad listening to the same 4 seconds of despacito over and over again 😠

Agree or disagree: as a developer guaranteeing your work, when you accept a deposit from a client as a milestone payment, you should not spend that money until the client signs off on the milestone in case they decide your work is unsatisfactory and want to go elsewhere.

When the project lead gave a half hour speech for why our shitty web page was similar to Elon Musk’s rocket and how we needed to work extra to get it off the ground, to justify an extra 3 months of unpaid weekend work at 10 hours a day, after already getting 6 months of unpaid weekend work when I was a junior dev.

160 Hours worth of work from the beginning of the month till today. i push my self a little bit to far. i hope off work till end of the month worth it.

Edited : 160 instead of 140

Start my days at 6am local to be able to have an entire days’ worth of access to my team because they’re all East Coast and I’m Pacific. And then work until it’s 5pm local regularly because I lose track of time. And then I can’t just turn it off at night, so then I’m restless thinking about the things I could be doing to make the project better.

How the hell do the rest of you stop thinking about work after work?

Recently replaced project lead sends repeated harassment emails about “blown timeline.” Current PL says don’t worry, tells former PL to back off. I bust my ass 12+ hr / weekends and finish. Former PL says he was just pushing so I wouldn’t have to work so hard. Fucking managers.

Fuck Emby and their decision to go proprietary. A lot of good folks worked their asses off helping make Emby what it is today and they turn around and fuck the open source community.

I'm glad Jellyfin decided to fork them and continue the work there.

LukePulverenti you can go fuck yourself!

First year of college. We had to write a program in assembly to let lights go on and off slowly but I couldn't get it to work and googled the shit out of it trying to get it to work to no avail. So I go to the teacher as I expected him to have a bit more documentation/knowledge on how the shit worked. He literally said oh let me google that for you. Which made me go 🤦‍♂️. In the end I never figured out how to get the lights on or off but luckily my team mates did a good enough job to get us passed in the class.

When it starts snowing and you have to take a day off since you can't get to work.. :<

That wonderful moment when you explain a bunch of different technologies to a customer (thinking they'll work with you to choose one from the lot), and they go off, only to come back having cooked up some scheme in which they want you to have them all working together seamlessly.

Oh god, I just got told off by my building manager for sleeping to much here.

I need to be near my computer to work or I slowly die inside

I took a day off work to go enjoy camping.

I've never felt so much anxiety about work at this time. I feel like I need to be working right now.

Today was my last day before taking a week off from work. When I originally pushed my branch, GitHub knew I had 7 files changed. I squashed my commits and pushed so that there was one commit. GitHub then decided I had Infinity files changed. Fun way to end the week, posting “I *swear* that I didn’t just put up a PR for review before taking a week off that has Infinity file changes.”

Go for a smoke break, sleep, or take rest of the day off depending on how "stuck" you are. Always seem to work.

Am I alone in writing libraries in my time off work with the intent to use that library at work to avoid my company owning that library?

Spent the day with people I work with developing an Alexa skill to kick off a Jenkins job. Fun!

Developers are the only people that knock off for work at 8pm, and at 7am your project manager wants to see something new on where you left off. What happened to fairness?

What the hell is wrong with the browser on iOS....
For Christ sakes almost no input attributes work. I have a Sign Up feature that validates passwords with a pattern attribute; doesn't work, required attribute; doesn't work, input type number; doesn't work.
What the fuck is wrong with this thing. Even Internet Explorer knows what those attributes means. Absolute joke now i need to implement it manually. Fuck off apple.

Just got inspired/pissed off enough to write another app... For work....

Guess my dry periods end either tonight or this weekend

Basically I work my ass off until I have made some real progress. Knowing that I can make something useful in a tough situation gives confidence to enjoy life and try fun things during the good days.

There is something seriously​ wrong with me. I start to enjoy my work when I reach off timing.

Reached an agreement to take the last 3 days of work off.

And now:

#2 days left.

I am just so tired these days and find it extremely hard to work at all, let alone on the tasks I'm supposed to work on. I spend a lot of time distracting myself compulsively instead, even off work.

I have a vacation planned soon, but I do need to finish an important project before that (which I have been procrastinating on for the last 2 weeks).

These days I often feel like quitting tech altogether or at least taking an extended break.

Flash back to when The old mouses had the trackballs in them, pulled the mouse apart and pulled the trackball out 🙃

Coming back to recent times, myself and a work mate printed off small troll faces and stuck them to the bottom of the laser mouses around the office huehue

Life is so much more fun when electricity is cut off and you still need to get day's worth of work done from home

just got off work,... ANOTHER DAY SPEND TRYING TO FIGURE SOMEONE ELSES PROD ISSUE....

Doesn't help when my PM's like did you figure it out yet, did you figure it out yet?

Why am I cleaning up other people's shit....

I have played different roles on different companies and all my mother says to people is that I 'work with computers', same for friends that work on manufacturing or as sales engineers. It really pissed me off.

A new project kicked off, where a new feature will be added to our app. The mythical creature called "Project Manager" asked us to take OT's and weekend work to rush and finish it. Aaaare you f*ckin' kiddin' meeee??!

You know you are off to a good week when it starts like this....

"Happy Monday everyone! Welcome to work! By the way we just sold the company last week!"

😶 This is going to be a very long week...

Pissed off as fuck. The more I explain to people that they have to provide at least one piece of evidence in order to analyze the problem, the more they end up saying "the app doesn't work".

Word/Excel = piece of shit!! 😡 Pissing me off every fucking time I am trying to do something. I am wasting more time to set up the fucking alignments and fonts and etc, rather than actually do work.

I can now tell if a client will be difficult before... I do the work.

Good skill to have, I can tell them to fuck off

I fear that in the future there will only be 2 possibilities as software developer

either work for pennies out of passion while others profit off your work as more and more open source developers do

or work in a dipshit heavy environment with soul-less automatons who look only to maximize a column or another in a spreadsheet until they are ready to retire and die

I'm actually getting so fucked off with having to travel to work to the point that I an on the brink of rage quitting and only taking something where it is agreed to and understood about me working from home, no questions asked!

Well, we have a designer/front-ender who's forced to work the same way the devs work (local development environment), yet he doesn't understand a single thing he's doing.

I'm pretty sure he's never going to understand it, and I feel like he's better off just doing UI/UX, he's pretty good at that!

When you come to work after 4 days off is like actually hitting the ground after a freefall

I have the bad luck to deal with clients who want to phonecall me. "It's quicker", they say.

I hate that, Im not asking them to use Trello, but at least write an email...

Its clear they didn't work seriously in their lifes.

I usually switch off the phone all day.

We all have height adjustable table at work. So we decided to raise a coworkers table, and install an airhorn under the table to go off as soon he would lower the table. Lets just say he did need coffee that morning!

I fucking hate going into work after being sick feeling 80%. It sucks because i dont want to use my sick days when I'm doing fine, but i feel so off my game and out of my element.

Who invented WhatsApp in the first place anyway?

Cuz I do not know when is the right time to "off work" since I start working.

People start ranting about my blue ticks if I don't reply after working hours.

For US salaried developers here, a young soon-to-be employed graduate has a question...

When it comes to salaried work, is it just a matter of work "close to 40 hours but really just get your work done" or should I be trying to fill a seat for 8 hours a day even if I don't have anything to work on? And if I'm non-exempt (elligible for overtime over 40hrs), is it reasonable for me to be here 9 hours a day, or should I be capping it off at 8?

I know these are questions for my employer but it's gonna be a bit before I actually start work and I'm curious.

Ahh... Friday.... in Summer.... 1 week before vacation....

I'm amazed I even got to work today... But very disappointed in the amount of work I actually was able to do... Don't feel like starting anything new... 😪😪😪😪😪

Is one 10am and add you can see In sorta slacking off already...

So the bus I get into work has been cancelled and my office manager said I could have the day off but I had some important stuff he needed me to finish so I remembered I had TeamViewer installed on my work machine so I'm going to be working from home today

Really not in the mood for work.

But since that is not an acceptable reason to ask for a day off, I wonder what excuses I can make to get out of working today... 🤔

What's the smallest size start-up company you would work for? The American dream, of course, is to own your own company. If that option were off the table, would you work as a developer for a startup company that only had 3 other employees, including the CEO?

First of all, 10 minutes of mobility work and spinal hygiene exercises.

Then, Forest app in browser and smart phone. Music off. Viso energy drink. Natural light through window.

Glance at student loan balance helps from time to time.

*Gets tapped on shoulder

Co-worker: Why are you wearing headphones? They're not even plugged in?

Me: To indicate to people I don't want to be interrupted as I'm trying to focus.

Co-worker: Oh right. I see.

...

Co-worker: So, I have a question...

FML!

Why don't people learn to piss off and let me work!?

So I'm at work most of the day developing project managment system for better efficiency but I can't seem to keep my electricity bill up to date. Now I'm looking forward to some free time because I got disconected and everything is closed when I'm home from work. Even when I do manage to get off on time my boss needs me on evenings and weekends.

Now it's just NO BITCH, i ain't got NO POWER!!! ^^ yeah!

Happy Diwali people 😤

Ive to work on my should've-been-a-day-off coz big meeting so y'all better celebrate in my stead 😤😤😤

Dumbf*** network guy in my company doesn't know that customer portal has database and you run queries to get the data.

So pissed off that anyone can do fing CCNA and qualify to work in IT these days

Also stupid company for having a web based database

I thought that Windows Insider was for Developers or Quality Engineering but based on feedback post in the Feedback App either normies are getting involved or when Dev/QE get off work they forget how to write a proper bug report.

I'm working as a senior software developer at my company.
My seniors are asking me to take the scrum master role.
Is it good for my professional development.
Will I be cut off from the technologies that I work on now. I don't want to leave development. Can I do both at once?

WOOOOH I HAVE BEEN GIVEN WORK.
.
.
.
.
Think I offended people cos I already finished it and when I got given it i said "Is this it?".

.....AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER TOLD ME TO DO A LOOP IN SQL TO UPDATE A TABLE. I'LL CUT OFF ALL PARTS OF HIM

You work on a huge factory. You’re ready to upload the new AI prototype to the mainframe. Upload finished, and the light goes off.

Light turns on. All speakers in the building:

🎵This was a triumph
🎵I’m writing a note here: huge success

Lels....i think we have the day off and no one in my team told me so :V so here I am sitting at work waiting to see someone walk through the door. In all honesty. I would not mind :v my work pc os fairly powerful and I can do with the comfy chair.

yo tester, I mentioned that I was off for half a day, WHY in the world are you trying to contact me to say that the test environment does not work??!!?!

There are more capable developers online that can fix that for you!!!

Stupid incompetent person!

On a business trip. I brought my work laptop and my personal laptop with me. Because I am smart. But a lot of my coworkers only bring their work laptops. So I guess I am basically wondering how much porn has tainted the work laptops. Especially since they will auction them off around once a year. To be clear I am not wondering about the software taint.

ArseHole, for simple CRUD, my client suggest to use WordPress. Then they added payment and booking system. I asked why still using WordPress????? It's nightmare to work three peoples on functions.php file.

Fuck off. Go fuck yourself. 😣

I'm building an app with Cordova and everything was working great, tested on multiple devices and everything worked perfectly. Until my boss called me to say that some interfaces don't work on his phone. Needless to say Android 4.3 doesn't like the "new" syntax of flex and just tells me that I can fuck off. Well Android fuck off too.

Sometimes I envy those people whose work is purely clock on / clock off, meaning those that can leave work and switch off to that entirely (delivery driver; mcdonalds etc). Having the time to focus on other things. I have never had that luxury, work consumes far too much of my time, even when not working i am thinking about it. I want the time to pursue my other love which is music, and playing my bass. I like my work but sometimes i fucking hate this path i'm on. Oh well FML.

Finally got Stripe charges to work, then changed it to make subscriptions work in the Django app I was working on for Capstones. At least in theory. Works locally, but hasn’t been merged into our Production branch yet, so there could be something missing.

Still, super happy to have finally crossed it off my mental to-do list.

It's difficult to turn off the brain after a full day of work... you can't sleep 'cos the ideas must be purged or else they will rattle around all night... so you log on remotely just to get it down but proceed to (accidentally) work another nine hours... you finish with only enough time for two hours sleep before you'll need to get up for work again.

I am getting tired of people bragging about being pissed off by their families and wanted escape to work office. Is family really worst than some random crowd at your company?

There are 43 people in our team. Every 43 of them come to salute me in the morning, fuck off, let me work. Just go ahead with your shit but leave me alone.