preface: I'm fucking exhausted and angry.

Why does everyone assume I know how to do frontend?
Why am I always the design girl?
Why?

You hire me to do backend. STOP GIVING ME FRONTEND DESIGN CRAP. I HATE IT.

AND STOP GODDAMN YELLING AT ME FOR NOT MAKING SOMETHING RESPONSIVE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW.

yes i can learn, but I CAN'T FUCKING PICK UP A SKILL LIKE THAT IN A DAY. Also, I fucking hate it.

STICK IT UP YOUR (min-width: 1400px) ASS.

But seriously, I've spent 13 hours today figuring out completely new things (webpack, susy, express.js, cloudinary, responsive best practices, more webpack) because the boss is in panic-mode (his preferred state) and wants this project released last monday.

guess what? it isn't done.
because i still don't know how to do everything. and ofc there's nobody to ask because there never fucking is.

Seriously, boss-man. hire a fucking designer, and stop being an illiterate sales goon while you're at it. ffs.

FUCK this startup mentality of implementing all these external services and APIs for absolutely fucking everything.

I get that your vacuous fresh-mint-tea-soaked hipster brains are all cheering about these "only $10/month/seat" services, because you imbeciles with your nodejs-sticker-plastered macbooks have never done anything but knot the work of other dimwits together.

I don't even care about the subscription costs. That shit is more trouble to maintain than writing it yourself, and there's no guarantee that visualizemyballs.com & lintmycock.io still work tomorrow.

I'm getting so sick of being barraged with 502 bad gateway errors because you halfassed yet another API implementation. Stop advertising your crossfit stats, your meditation-app records and your vegan protein bars for a minute, and maybe start writing some fucking code of your own, something with a higher shelf-life than your iPhone screen...

You know... something which actually fucking adds value to the world.

Yes Linus Torvalds is an asshole and the world is better because of it.

In short Linus's acid takes on code quality over developer fee fee's might be one of the things that has made the Linux kernel and the GNU/Linux project such a long lasting open source success and in my opinion the risk of him falling for all this "let's be nice and non offensive" bs trend may impact negatively on code quality.

Being an asshole has it's downsides and it's not always the best response, I'll give you that, but personally I think most of us who are viewed as assholes are seen like that because we put quality over convenience, facts before feelings and dedication over mediocrity; it is not because we hate you, it's because we measure ourselves with the same stick.

It depends on one's character, but when you've been toughened up because of bullying(I don't doubt many devs have been since being a nerd has never been hip) or life in general, you learn to stop whining & pick yourself up and you expect everyone to be competitive and competent as you are and it gets frustrating to manage people who don't fulfill your expectations.

Pros: You get shit done and you do it well.
Cons: People won't like you and you don't tolerate failure (much less mediocrity).

Yes Linus is an asshole, my coach was an asshole, some of my best teacher's have been assholes, I had friends who were assholes, heck I'm an asshole!

But I thank them because they made me better than I was, just as people have thanked me for being the right amount of asshole.

A warm thank you and fuck you Linus, keep being the asshole we need.

Me : I'm having a pretty bad headache.

Boss : Stop acting like a girl and get back to work.

Me: It's a migraine headache.

Boss: Ohh!! You know it's just in your head stop being a pussy. Don't think about the headache, and you won't feel any pain.

Me(in my head) : You fucking idiot you are partially correct it's in my head. But the pain won't stop if I stop thinking about it.

*Why the fuck does no one understand a neurological disease. If i'm not physically hurt, it doesn't mean i'm not in pain*

Fucking ignorant bastards.

YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS

IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.

AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.

AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT

AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO

FUCK THE LOT OF YOU

I fucking hate people who think Eclipse is the only IDE out there for Java development, stop being so conservative and get out of the comfortable old rusty editor..!

Can we please stop with this shit... its seriously annoying...
Like "master" and "slave" are literally the perfect terminology to explain what is being described... please leave ideology at home...

If you ask a question in a forum and figure out the answer yourself, for the love of God, please post the fricking answer.

"Never mind" is not at all helpful. Ugh. Stop being selfish peasants.

Hey everyone,

During some backend improvements to the devRant infrastructure, some of our async queue processors (SQS) stopped working which caused many notifs to not go out/stop working. Unfortunately our alerting didn’t pick up on this since there were still queues being processed (just not specific ones) and some aspects of notifs working. Big apologies for this issue!

It is now resolved, and while very delayed, no notifications were lost and all were processed after the queue processors started up again. Sorry for the bulk notifs, but we wanted to make sure all that were supposed to go out went out.

Additional alerting will be put in place to prevent this from happening again.

Thanks for your patience!

Dear everyone,

I am never late to meetings you set up with me, so please stop being late to meetings I set up with you.

Please stop recommending arch. For real. Stop!

Let's back up. I'm an arch user. Have been for years. I love arch! Like hardcore! But for real, cut it out.

Either they didn't ask and you're being obnoxious or they probably asked "what's a good distro to learn?" Or "Ubuntu holds my hand too much, I want something more consoley" either way, arch is not the answer. Arch is a distro for us stuck up types who like spending all day fixing dependency errors, changing our WM every other week, debating the merits of X vs wayland, and acting better than everyone else.

But here's the thing: I found arch because I wanted something that I could compulsively configure and get really in the weeds. I think most arch users feel that way to some degree. You kinda have to if you want to not be miserable. But many Linux users aren't like that. And that's fine! Let them use mint, or Debian. So they never change their DE. Cinnamon is a great interface! Gnome 2 is totally fine! There's literally nothing wrong with being content with sane defaults and not manually installing every package, and having scheduled releases from a stable source.

Do you tell 7th graders "if you really want to get better at algebra, you should try calculus. You really gain a deep knowledge of math!" No! They will get there when they are good and ready! Or not. It's not a beginner distro. In fact (controversial opinion ahead) it's pretty shitty at being a distro. I have used arch for years! But I don't recommend it to anyone. Because if you want to configure a box for literally 100s of hours (it's never really over is it?), Then you aren't asking anyone about distro recommendations. You've tried them all. You've heard of arch. You been to /r/unixporn.

Stop acting better than everyone else and stop telling people it's better than <other distro here>. It's not. It's different. Very different. And it's not for everyone.

Okay, we all ranters love pizza, right?

TIL something that we should ALL keep in mind while buying pizza.

One 18 inch pizza has more pizza than two 12 inch pizzas.

if ((3.142*9*9) > (2*3.142*6*6)) {
return buyPizza(18inch, 1);
} else {
/* stop being an imbecile. This is dead code */
}

Next time you're using some FOSS soft, or bitching about it being buggy or the maintainer not responding to your tickets the same day - remember, that the author of that soft could be enjoying some nap time, playing with hie/her child(ren), having a fun time with fam/friends, playing PC games, going for a walk, cooking and choosing healthy food over fast snacks, doing anything he/she wanted.

But instead, the developer chose to spend that time building a tool, so you could have it, so you could do things faster/easier. So YOU could spend your free time the way you want.

So next time you're bitching about something not working, stop for a moment and first say THANK YOU to the author for that tool. If not for people like him/her, you would still be doing your chores with sticks and stones

Stop using progress bars on your résumé/CV!

Back when we were looking for people to join us, we got hundreds of résumés in the mail and online, and I saw so many of them using these progress bars to indicate competency in a particular skill or programming language.

Yknow what that says to me, and to my colleagues?

"Yeah, I'm ok at this, but I'm even worse at THIS"

Your résumé is about selling yourself!
We don't want someone who's '68%' in Photoshop or '82%' in JavaScript. We want someone who knows they're good at what they do and knows they can learn if they need to.

You might feel like you're being 'big headed', but that's what a good resume SHOULD be! Sell yourself to be as if you're the solution to all of my problems and you might just get a job!

Rant over.

Stop buying domains that you don't use you fucking idiots. Can't find any domain for my new project. But none of them are being used. Fucking retards.

I spent about 5 hours today coding and I was totally in the zone. I'm talking things were working properly, tests were passing, bugs were being squashed all over the place. It was completely amazing, I felt like a god ruling over my code kingdom.

After about 5 straight hours I realized that I needed food so I got up, stretched my legs and had some dinner. Well I sat back down about an hour ago and I am SO far out of the zone. Everything is breaking, I can't focus and I have no idea why. My kingdom was overrun with a plague of bugs in just the short time I paused to eat.

Moral of the story: when you get in the zone don't stop for anything even if it seems like basic human necessity. After all we aren't human when we're in the zone, we are coding gods.

I hate it when people from other "cool" departments come in to our office and call us "too quiet", "unsociable" ,"not fun"..

They need to stop for a second and realize how we got to being programmers...

Personally, I went through all the possible professions and asked myself.." which job requires the least amount of human interaction?"

SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR HIPSTER FACE THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Every programming language I know of does trigonometry in radians.

Yet I have been puzzled for 4 hours whether JS was broken because it kept saying Math.sin(30) != Math.sin(150), trying all kinds of values, looking up basic trigonometry stuff again and again.

After that, 10 minutes of wondering why my json was invalid... right, you can't comment things out.

Then 15 minutes being baffled by a simple script tag not working, because I wrote script href instead of script src.

Finally, I threw a liter of chocolate milk over a $400 keyboard.

I really need to stop setting up new projects at 3am.

FUCK GOOGLE.

FUCK THE GOOGLE PLAY REVIEW TEAM.

FUCK THEIR BOT GENERATED EMAILS.

FUCK THEIR DEVELOPER SUPPORT.

I am trying to launch a fucking action game. There will be fucking guns and muzzle flashes shown in the screenshots. Stop fucking rejecting the app. There is no blood in the icon or screenshots. Stop sending me bot generated emails and tell me what content is being flagged.

A little information on the whole scenario: My game was rejected so immediately I contacted the support as to what was the issue. The guy told me 2 screenshots were flagged because they had the muzzle flashes and damage indicator (call of duty type which tells the direction from where the bullets are coming from). So I removed the screenshots and still the game was rejected. FUCK THESE ASSHOLES. SAME GOES FOR APPLE.

There is no reason for any developer to not know git well. No fucking reason. Stop making shit harder for everyone by being like “oh I’m not the keenest on git” STFU and just learn it better you pussy.

Stop bitching about having to write comments, they are important whether you like it or not. Trust me nobodys code is "that good" 😒

School sent out a mass email asking students to stop using VPNs to get around sites being blocked. They say their technology team is working on improving filters and shit. Let's be real that isn't going to stop ANYONE lmfao...

1 fix my crappy sleep schedule.
2 organise my time better.
3 stop being a glutton.
4 earn a aws cert.
5 build a portfolio site.
6 build projects to go on portfolio site.
7 find a new job?
8 do some machine learning.
9 find love?
10 continue automating people out their job at their request.

Adventures in security land.

The “legendary” lead dev authored a ticket that logs raw credentials for a third-party tool we’re using, and logs partially-obscured consumer passwords. His reasoning: “for debugging. And customer service!” And then argued with me over why that’s bad! Seriously?

Then in the release channel, he and the release manager are talking like I’m pestering them with my findings. Things like “I have some Root-induced changes coming” and “Fixed those, but she’ll probably have more...” etc.

Like come on.
I’m even being nice here, but you seriously need to stop screwing this up.

They also didn’t bother merging the fixes into the release branch, so I needed to re-review the entire (large) ticket on its own branch. Doubles the effort since I can’t easily see what changed.

The lead dev also only updated a few of the specs (despite me sending him a list), so there’s a bunch of failing ones now. Makes me unsure if he actually fixed everything.

Maybe I’m just being touchy, but ugh. Freaking annoying people.

At least he owned up to being the author this time instead of saying someone else (who wasn’t in the history...) wrote it. -.-

> make a change
> PR gets rejected
> IHATEFORALIVING! YOUR CHANGE IS NOT WORKING! EVERYTHING BREAKS!
> 3 hours long debugging session
> We find out a whole bunch of bugs
> Suddenly, everything works
> None of the bugs had ANYTHING to do with my change. In the instances where the app broke, my code wasn't even being called at all.
> My change was literally the one and only working thing

I wish life was like in The Office, when you just stop what you're doing and you drop the Jim stare at some camera

I am so fucking jealous of all you assholes. Oh look at me, i am a full stack developer and yada yada. I have the time and patience to do whatever app or game i want and show it off.

Fuck, you.

If i get home, i am glad i can stay awake for dinner and play a little game before i go to bed and my next day starts.

I have ideas, i need to do some self study to get all parts of those ideas going, but i fucking can't.

I have no motivation and no energy to spend when i get home, and even the weekends rarely i will feel like proframming jack shit. When or how do you even do it?! It's driving me up the wall and it makes me feel useless.

Stop being better then me in every possible way!

Dear designers/project managers,

I am a developer. That means you don't have to explain simple programming concepts to me that you half know and think you fully understand as if I have never seen code before.

Save your breath and stop being so condescending. You don't know half as much as you think.

Thanks, from one annoyed dev.

To all you people who finish the coffee in the kitchen and walk away, you are dicks and we know who you are. Use this to stop being a dick...

I need to yell something out loud here because if I don't yell it here I'm going to yell it at a coworker, which would be unprofessional and kinda rude of me.

STOP APOLOGIZING FOR BEING A FUCKING CRETIN AND ALSO STOP BEING A FUCKING CRETIN.

Phew, thanks. That feels better.

This is utter bullshit. Repo shut down because SJW being offended. Python, then Linux, now this.

Next thing we know is GitHub got sued bc they hosted the bot. Then Microsoft. Then the internet is taken down because it serves as a vector to offend ppl.

Really. Fucker need to know when to stop.

Maybe it's time to stop jQuery being lazy and start using vanilla JS like a pro!

Is it really unreasonable that I wish aws would just name their fucking products after what they are? Why the fuck is dns called route 53? Why the fuck is a vm an elastic cloud compute node? Stop being pretentious dicks and just name things what they are!

Am I being unreasonable?

I just met you... and this is crazy... close your tags and stop being lazy.

I call this the Distraction Stack.

[working on code]

"Hey, can you look at this bug?"

[
working on code,
looking at bug
]

"Can I bother you for a second?"

[
working on code,
looking at bug,
being bothered
]

"When you're done with her can you stop by my desk?"

[
working on code,
looking at bug,
stopping by your stupid desk
being bothered
]

It's enough to make me pop.

Don't burn other devs just because you don't like their solution. Discuss empower and stop being a total prick. People should look up to you because they respect you not because you put them down!

Our University professors taught us very little. If one wanted to actually learn something they had to go out of their way to learn it. I was one of the few who actually did that and as a result I ended up being the "top coder" in class.

This meant that I developed an ego.

Then came internship. It was two months of systematic breaking me down and building me up again, forcing me to stop thinking of a solution that just works and actually think of a good design to a solution.

I know I still have a long way to go but I know those helped me grow as a developer.

Dear Product owners / Company Owners / Whoever requesting a feature:

Devs like to know they are adding value to whatever product they are working on. Every time you request a stupid no value added request, you kick the dev's soul.

After several hits the developer will stop caring about the software and eventually will get the job done, but oh boy, the amount of tech debt/trash code the dev is gonna leave behind will be horrendous.

Then the next developer, not only takes the hit from another stupid request, he/she will see the crappy code the past sad developer left and will take a double hit. Of course all of them start proactive and try to fix previous blood trails but sadness will catch them eventually.

If you want you're apps/products/reports to be good in a long run don't make stupid requests.

BAs, Stop being Expensive Email Forwarders and challenge a request, understand the process and then hand it to the developer.

Us developers are sensible cute ponies. Treat us well or expect poor quality projects

To all the leaders out there: Stop doing all shit on your own! Delegate! Have fate in your colleagues!
And fuck all shitty deadlines if no lives are at stake.
Cz yours is for sure!

...or you'll end like me with a heart attack at the age of 43.

Now i'm here at a health-care-hotel (dunno what it's called in english) for 3 weeks relaxing and doing programming w/o being stressed at all. =)

We were already working overtime all Saturday. Boss came in the evening to demand some ridiculous shit. Me and senior dev agree it's ridiculous. It's already 1 am Sunday. I already explained to him why it doesn't make sense so he suggest more changes that doesn't even solve his initial problem. He asks me if I can do it by Monday morning. I can't. He suggested way too many breaking changes that I don't even agree with and I have to sleep like a normal human being.

I shit you not, he says he will do it himself. This guy barely even codes and has never seen a single line of code for this project. I didn't stop him. I went home and slept.

End of rant.

Why are we still having degree vs autodidact arguments/debates?

It's fucking 2018, who gives a flying fuck how you learn?

Stop giving a shit about how people learn and give a shit about their abilities and skills.

I'm tired of people from both sides (people with degrees and autodidacts) acting like they're better than the other. Stop being arrogant cunts.

Some people have the self control and motivation to teach themselves.

Congratulations! That's fucking awesome.

Others don't and could use a structured environment like University to motivate and encourage them.

Hey it happens. At least you're trying.

My god. Just stop with this shit already. It's annoying and unnecessary.

If you made it this far, how's your week been going?

Sometime I need to talk to my code! Stop being weird about it!!!

Stop glorifying overwork and start prioritizing our well-being. After all, life's too short to spend it all at the office 🌟🏡

Can't we all just stop being selfish and have one web standard?

I stop being sad and be awesome instead.

I have nothing wrong with being frequently asked what I am majoring in. However, I am going for COMPUTER SCIENCE not FUCKING IT. Please for the love of fuck stop suggesting I try to get a job with some shitty company as an IT guy. I have no interest in being an IT guy. I want to fucking code shit, not fix your shit and help you do basic shit that you're too fucking incompetent to figure out.

For being a community based around developers, the amount of people managing to fuck up Windows and then blaming the OS while both my 9 year old brother and the old next door lady keeps theirs running perfectly fine will always be a mystery to me. If you are a developer stop making excuses of how a operating system works and get clever enough to work with it instead of against it. I've been using and developing on Windows for the past 7 years and to be frank rarely do I ever encounter the shit some people post here, mind boggling I would even say pebcak. And just to be clear, I'm not a fanatic, Linux is a beautiful OS.

There I had to get that off my chest, have a nice day.

"I usually just stop being stuck and be awesome instead. "

And that kids, is how I met your mother.

Blehh
I just cannot stop falling asleep today.

Fortunately I finished all of my important work last week, so all I have left is trivialities. But I would still prefer being awake and chipper!

Me:
Totally riffing to my new playlist....
the ideas are just flowing.....
Code flying...
changing in my brain....
I think I've got I might have it.....
...... RING RING ITS THE MOTHERFUCKING BOSS,
Boss:
Why is the whole website down?

Me: WTF, looks fine here, all logs are clear.

Boss: I just got an email saying the whole thing is fucked. Stop everything and fix it now.

Me: but we just agreed dev is taking priority over any support issues within sla and I've checked from everywhere there are no issues, just data issues probably from user error.

Boss: Just get it back and figure it out!!!!! Why are you being difficult?

Me: okay whatever, let's patch each of these shits.

COULDVE SENT THIS ANYWHERE BUT NOW MY IDEA IS GOOOONEEE!!!!!! NULL FUCKING DATA FIELD ON A SINGLE FUCKING EMAIL....FRAAAAACKKK THIS

Worst part of being a dev must be working with people who are not willing to change behavior because of arrogance. Oh - and then the constant OS wars talk. It really needs to stop. Like... Now

Here is the problem.

We all make mistakes. It's part of our lives and we learn a lot from it.

But you motherfucker, acting like an all-knowing being amongst all the developers. You think no one knows better than you. You learned something 2 years ago and you think nothing has been updated after that.

You make a mistake, you accept it and learn from it. But if you think you know everything, stop asking me to review your code. Fuck you, cocksucker.

Okay, Google. I can see why you want me to check those boxes with cars. And I'm also fine with you telling me to do it on a different picture if the first one didnt had any, just to check. But WHAT I AM FUCKING NOT OKAY WITH, IS ME SOLVING CAPTCHAS FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES REPETEDLY SAYING PLEASE TRY AGAIN AND THEN TELLING ME THAT I AM NOT EVEN ABLE TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE OF AN DETECTED ATTEMPT OF BOTTING? WHO ARE YOU? AN AI QUESTONING MY HUMAN IDENTITY? JUST BECAUSE IM USING LINUX YOU DECIDE TO GIVE ME ANOTHER NOTHERFUCKING BATCH OF STREET SIGNS? YOU CAN STICK THOSE STREET SIGNS UP YOUR ASS! FUCK OFF!

tl;dr: i got banned from solving recaptchas the second time this week. lets hope its just *another* timeout.

Today is the real fuckening at work. The worst part is, you are working your ass off and someone started bugging you constantly on chat and blaming it is effecting his "productivity" because tech team doesn't solve his problem.

I have 4 projects under me with doing day to day operations also. But yeah just few more months before I left this shit. I wanted to shout back, but tried to keep my head cool, though I have already kicked his face many times in my mind.

If you cannot help, at least stop being a dick and appreciate someone trying his best to solve problems.

I'm beyond pissed as of now. hostgator, FUCK YOU.
YOUR GODDAMN PORTAL IS DOWN. PORTAL.HOSTGATOR.COM IS DOWN.
PLEASE HOSTGATOR, STOP BEING A BIGGER BITCH THAN MY LARGE FEMALE DOG.

end of rant, a hosting company should really be able to keep THEIR OWN FUCKING WEBSITE UP.

SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME:

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!!!!! Tell me please, i swear to you. My life would be so much better if i wasn’t so awkward and have social anxiety. Tell me what to do because i’m tired of it, i hate it so much.

The worst thing about being a dev is explaining to these fucktards that facebook can't be hacked.
But what is even worse, is when these dipshits say that i am a bad dev for not hacking facebook for them.
Use that big stupid head to sometimes think straight and stop being a little twat.

Had an awesome day at work got so much coding done, made an awesome well documented class for a Countdowntimer class in Android.

Was looking forward to getting home and using my motivation to continue coding my game when I got home.

Then get to the bus stop and it's packed for the Adele concert, I saw a poster okay thats good only buses are packed (I then take a train, I live pretty far from work) I get to the train station and the shittiest system has been setup,

Where people pack on the train that goes to the last stop south for the Adele concert that isn't even near the last stop!

One of the platforms aren't even being used and the trains that got partway south are tiny as hell for the rest of the people that don't want to go to this concert.

For one thing who thought it was a good idea to setup such a shitty system? Why not have one train go straight to the damn concert area and continually use that one platform and for the rest of the people have the trains running as normal?

Nope let's make a shitty system that doesn't work well.

Top it off have concerts on a Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

Dumbasses.

Now I get to wait in town doing absolutely nothing and losing the little time I have to code on my game.

Please, stop being afraid of git rebase.

Please stop merging master branch into feature branch just to fix pull request conflicts.

I have to stop being awake until 3 AM coding when I have to be at work at 6..

Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.

But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.

Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.

Nope nope nope nope and more nope.

Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.

Seriously does this master/slave bullshit actually affect everyone here?

From what I’ve seen it’s just a fucking idea / suggestion not a full blown change set being implemented.

Stop fucking over reacting to bubble wrap nonsense, if you want to call it a master/slave relationship then call it a fucking master/slave relationship and be done with it, if this really offends you or you believe political correctness is needed here, go call it something else, at the end of the day it’s still going to be the same thing, just called something else.

Voice commands are the future!!!! .... God I hope not... Why do people like this obviously inferior interface?

A real conversation with Google assistant while driving, I got a text:

"Read text"
...
"Read text message"
*You have one text message from Dave. Would you like to hear it?*
"... Yes!"
* Hey what's up?*
"Reply"
....
"Reply to text"
*I don't understand*
"Text Dave!!!!"
"Message James using SMS. What's the message?"

GAH!!!!!!!! fuck you Google assistant! This is literally the only thing I use you for, so stop being so fucking bad at it!!!!

Since my first high salary dev job in 2018 and until 2021, despite all my attempts to explain, my mom thought that I’m not actually a programmer but rather a scammer that just makes companies pay me salary for nothing. The argument that being a legit programmer is way easier than being a scammer mastermind fell on deaf ears.

Do you know why I said she thought so until 2021? Because I stopped talking to her in 2021 when she said that “being bisexual is a sin” and “I want to stop treating my cancer to die as soon as possible just to not see you anymore” after my coming out.

I really, really, fucking god damn it REALLY need to move a legacy project from the grave yard server and get it in git, and then build a dev environment for it, so I can stop making incredibly volatile changes direct to PROD (backend, frontend and DB all at once and then test it while it’s live and being used, but fuck me if I can be bothered digging through a 10GB code base and attempting to make it work in a multi-environment setup when it’s going to be a long trip down the error logs until it works again 😱🔫

Stop being exploited.

Define an aim for my life.

Already wrote about wk92 but i have to add:

STOP MAKING ME ATTEND COURSES SO I AM EVEN ALLOWED TO TAKE EXAMS.

Like what the hell. You know when it comes to networking i'm doing okayish, coding straight A and then there is maths, let's not talk about it. BUT FFS I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE 2 OF MY CODING EXAMS THIS SEMESTER CUS I DIDN'T VISIT 2-3 EVENTS OF IT.

I am a coder. I aspire being a coder. I study software development. I just need to prove myself and some dudes can do it. Let me do my thing.
Btw, there weren't any mandatory events for maths. Of course. Why should there be. Yeah okay

some people are fucking idiots.

i remember one time - i made a website which ended up having a slightly major security flaw.

the big isnt the point though. this guy told me to just "write secure code."

i consequently told him, "how about you go fuck yourself?"

well, he was a painter, so i then told him "maybe you should fucking draw better," and promptly left.

well, here i present what that would be like if other people were told shit like that.

depressed person - "just be happy"

teacher - "just make your students smarter"

homosexual - "just like the opposite sex"

presidential candidate - "just win the election"

homeless person - "just get a house"

idiot - "just stop being my client" (sorry had to vent)

well you get the idea.

devs should be treated as functioning members of society.

1) For other devs to stop being such whiny, pussy ass motherfuckers. Legit the ammount of whine in some of y'all is too extreme. Blow, judge and cuss out over the weakest shit ever. Like language wars. Dear lord if there is some pussy ass shit right there it is language wars.

2) To see Perl 6, Clojure and Rust see some hardcore adoption. Specially Clojure since I fucking love Lisp dialects and Clojure is pretty sweet Lisp. Clojurescript is also really nice for those that like working with Js.

3) To completely nuke Microsoft browsers. I am not a Microsoft hater by any means. But their browsers bring more pain than joy to everyone and they know it. If they choose to let them exist then by all means fix them! This is Microsoft! They got the resources!!

That's it really.

Been hearing about Docker being the coolest new thing for 3 years now. Please stop it!

ajax hell/dom hell
do you know it? no dont talk abut the callback hell.

i fcking hate it when i load any modern site, and it needs a few seconds to calc some stuff, xhr this, calc that, dom/css visible that. at all it takes more time specially if you on low end to mid equipmemt.

And then you think its finally loaded, you want to click or tab something and then another xhr was Finished, dom/css changed, and the button i was about to Click moved and i click something else.

friends of me hates this to.

so please dear webdevs, stop try to be cool and fancy just because you found out how "cool" conditions in css and dom is. stop using that bullshit angular (and so on) bullshit if you cant manage to pull out a html at start that will not changr its layout all the time after being loaded, ty.

Stop being a developer and choose another profession

In spanish we don't say "stop being afraid" o "have no fear" word by word through translation. We say "ya no seas panocha" which roughly translates to "find bravery within you" and I think that this is beautiful.

For people that are constantly afraid we don't call them fearful in standard translation, we refer to them as "panochon" which attempts to remind them that they are in fact brave.

Use the word my friends. No sean panocha.

- Be me
- Been in a new job for 2 months
- Was excited because of 50% salary increase and better position

- Have a new team of 6 devs including me. All new guy
- Market crash
- Top management demands a trim down to all divisions
- Will be left to 3 devs next month

- All the while being asked to
- Deliver a shopify like marketplace from end to end
- Deliver integration with partners for data inventory tracking
- All within 2 months

- Furious when target is not met
- Demands a micro management to every single person on the team on what their day to day schedule
- Demands everybody to live by hustle culture and ready to work non stop even nights or weekend

- Be me
- Been working non stop for at least a month
- Sacrificed weekends and holidays

Beginning to think that maybe the money and position isn't worth the hassle

!dev

Look im all for conservation and helping the environment and shit, but why can't people do it without being self righteous cunts? Like seriously.

I just saw an ad on Instagram of someone getting a drink and they're all "I don't need a straw hue hue hue" and then proceed to drink from a metal straw shit.

THE WHOLE FUCKING CUP IS PLASTIC.

Stop being a self righteous cunt if you're gonna do contradictory shit like that. Like seriously. You using a metal straw ain't changing shit whenever you've got a whole ass cup that's plastic and that you're gonna throw into a trash can.

At work:

** fast typing from lead and me fx**

** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**

Lead Devel: Yo Al

*still typing fx**

Me: whats good gansgtah

L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?

** now I stop typing **

Me: .....yes......fuck

Him: yes...fuck

O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......

covid is making life hard again. I can't just stop in the middle of a research project because I can't access the robots anymore. *makes angry noises* I already canceled a human study because of covid, so this feels super unfair.

but you know what pisses me off even more? the govt complaining about numbers being high but not doing jackshit about active disinfection of air and public spaces (China did that, btw) or providing cheap disposable masks for people.

Also, I'm not as much afraid of getting covid as I am afraid of giving it to the head of the department who is a 70+ yrs old genius in his own right.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.

... This is shit.

WTF is the point a
of auto-generated documentation. Some dude litterally thought it was a good idea to read the code and write the exact same shit differently. WTF IS THE POINT!?

Documentation takes work, sorry, stop being lazy.

Whatsapp: "How about you update your browser?"

How about you fire your whole fucking team of genetically engineered super-retards, that is making whatsapp shittier with ever recently rotten braincell you guys claim to have, and just let me use your shitty spyware I need to use for the time being. Fucking hell don't you even dare pulling that bullshit excuse on me when my browser is based on chromium Aka the fucking same browser engine that is powering google chrome. Just for once stop playing along with google, take your update and put it where the sun doesn't shine, you data-whoring deadshits.

If I have to look at a file hierarchy I'd rather see it in the damn terminal.

cd + ls > double clicking, okay?

Filthy casuals :-/

Just left a senior position in a YC startup for a middle position in my local company.

I believe that this downgrade will relieve some of my stress and give me more free time to heal my depression.

After fixing my uncontrollable consumption issues I can finally stop being a wagecuck. I don’t care much about my salary anymore while focusing on health and happiness. I saved up a lot of money so I finally can afford not to live paycheck to paycheck.

I’m slowly shifting towards living off my side projects only.

I'm sick to death of hiring people from other companies and explaining GitFlow and why its useful (what are you people doing?).

Then watching them doing it wrong, pointing out its easier to use something like sourcetree. Which leads to "... well see, the terminal is just more efficient, tools like sourcetree are bloated".

Ok fair enough, well heres the deal i'll make with you, while using your "efficient tool", stop breaking our workflow and i'm fine for you to keep using it. Otherwise, stop being a dick and be a team player.

I will never stop being impressed by how detailed this scene in The Matrix Reloaded was.

Trinity is trying to hack into the terminal and shut down the power grid.

nmap (network map) is a linux tool for network discovery.

It is absolutely believable that in a post apocalyptic future where computers rule the earth, the entire power grid would be on a network that you can scan for like this and shut down.

Its a such a minor detail, but I'm really happy that the writers consulted with actual programmers.

Current lappy got about 4GB RAM and not enough cores. I can't even run krita without it slowing down more the more I work on a file.
It would be frustrating if only I wasn't so depressed.
So yeah, due to being broke and lack of nerves, I'm gonna completely stop working on the comic for now.

At what point do I stop being a Jr dev? Is it a time spent in the field type of thing?

Or is everyone a Jr dev and titles are pointless.

Dear Mobile Designers,
There is a difference between mobile first and mobile preferred. Stop being lazy and take advantage of desktop real estate. My monitor is not a big ass tablet.
Thank you,
Desktop End User

I'm fucking tired. We have to deliver everything quickly and perfectly to a bunch of hienas that don't care how we do our job and won't stop complaining about us to our bosses, even though we do what they ask. we're not being given the proper tools to work and other teams in the company are a pain to work with, cause they'd rather sabotage us instead of cooperate. I'm fucking sick of this job

Goddamn, why is Android SDK setup such a stupendous pain in the ass?

"Wah wah, can't find JDK!"

Wtf are you talking about you stupid fuck, JDK is right there, all IDEs find it, environment vars are set, it is the right version and is used on this machine for a billion development purposes! Stop being a useless cunt!

And this is everytime. Had to setup up Android SDK four or five times by now on different machines and it has NEVER gone smoothly. There is always a plethora of different issues and you end up wasting all day going through fucking dependency hell!

Read a book on ergonomics, you colossal android fucks. Just because you got JetBrains behind your IDE and they actually know what they are doing, doesn't make your setup process any less of a braindead nightmare.

Fucking hell.

I've always wondered.. how much human does it require one to be human?
Like, how many organs, how many cells would be required to be copied to an artificial self, in order for that being to be considered a human?
Is it just the brain? Does it take the brain itself to be transplanted to an artificial Demi Machina type of being? Or is it just the information? Can a brain - just the information held within - be cloned into an artificial brain and be considered a conscious demi-human?

For that matter, what is consciousness anyway? What does it take to be human? What does it take to transfer one into an artificial self?

If one were to take organs and replace them with bionic parts, at which point would that being stop being human? Would it ever stop, if the information were to be preserved?

Dear Contractor,

Please understand that the reason I have hired you is so I could offload fairly marginal tasks and projects to someone else so that my work queue stops being a constipated mess of things that need done. HOWEVER, if you continue to freaking need constant hand holding I'll do the damn project myself. STOP ASKING ME EVERY 30 SECONDS IF I HAVE AN OPINION ON WHAT FUCKING TEXT EDITOR YOU SHOULD BE USING.

Good help is so hard to find.

Sincerely,

Sr. Developer

Company top execs: "We need to optimize our costs and reduce our expenditure by x€ to keep the profit margin at acceptable levels for the shareholders"

YOU ARE PUSHING OUT SHIT PRODUCTS DAY IN AND DAY OUT THAT YOU FUCKING SUITS THINK WILL BE THE NEXT BIG THING BUT NOONE REALLY WANTS OR NEEDS. WE ALREADY HAVE A TON OF THOSE BORN-DEAD SHITCAKES HANGING AROUND ABD NEW ONES ARE ALREADY BEING PREPARED FOR LAUNCH.

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? HOW ABOUT YOU STOP PRODUCING SHIT AND STICK TO YOUR FUCKING CORE BUSINESS MODEL!!!

"OPTIMIZE COSTS"? WE HAVE A ZERG OF OLD FUCKS, WHO ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE FUCKING SMS TO START THE NEXT TECH REVOLUTION, ON OUR PAYROLL. ALL THEY FUCKING DO IS PLAY SUDOKU IN THE KITCHEN AND DISCUSS TECHNIQUES ON HOW TO RAISE GOATS!!!

"NO MONEY TO GIVE A PAYRISE TO DEVELOPERS"? WHY DONT YOU JUST FUCKING GET RID OF THE USELESS DUDES BASICALLY DOING THEIR TENURE AND CLOSE SOME OF THESE FUCKTARDED PRODUCTS THAT 4 PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THE FUCKING COMPANY USE BUT NEED A TEAM OF FUCKING 20 TO MAINTAIN! NO!!! THEY WILL NOT BE THE NEXT BIG THING! NO!!! ANYTHING YOU SHITCAKES WHO THINK MOBILE APPS IS THE "NEW EMERGING MARKET" WILL EVER CREATE THE NEXT FUCKING BIG THING!!!!!

STICK TO YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS AND STOP CREATING USELESS SHIT THATS MAADE BY FUCKING USELESS PEOPLE!!!!

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

The Last Rodeo

Hi dear ranters. I've been a dev since I was 12, that makes 18 freakin years. Although I love my job and being someone who not only consumes but also produces, I am a bit grown tired of the industry.

About 6 years ago I cut ties from the last agency I worked with to become a freelancer. I ignited many projects, helped many of my customers (still helping most of them) to realize their goals. But I've come to realize that my country doesn't like old school laborers like myself (for some reasons I would explain if asked).

So I've been thinking: what would I do if I wasn't doing this job? What would you do for living if you were to stop being a developer? Let's have a chat.

Dear Microsoft, stop pushing me to update to Windows 11.
I still haven’t changed my mind and I won’t change it even if you ask me for the 6th time.
Just stop being an annoying bitch, please!

Also, one button is completely enough. You don’t need to make me click 3 or more buttons in different places just to remove your Win 11 messages which you keep slamming into my face.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better now.
How to stop being a lil bitch? Why does it seem like everyone got the "don't give a shit" patch except me? I'm working hard on getting my shit together, I've made MASSIVE progress, but everytime I'm feeling good and confident and ready to take the world head-on, I just kinda crumble again with the slightest mishap. This needs to stop. I'm really trying SO hard not to snap. Fucking hell, being aware of all this makes it even worse! It's like I'm two people, one is a downer and REALLY good in draining my brain power, the other is the guy who's typing this and knows that life shouldn't be taken this seriously, but doesn't stay in the cockpit for too long. I'm extremely tired and mad. I just fucking hate this.

“Someone is eventually going to build a JavaScript compiler that output machine code, which will lead to an apocalypse and the death of everything you know and love when all JS code mysteriously stops working in the year 2048.

You need to stop that person from being born. I'm forwarding the details now.

Good luck,
-- Future you”

I wish my classmates didn’t know that I’m good at programming.

Recently, more and more often I am being reached out to by my classmates (and especially by one individual) about the problems they’re having issues with. For example yesterday, a guy fucked up his Git commit and made a bunch of merge conflicts, so I helped him fix this, which then lead to WinForms having multiple declarations of same objects.

And I really don’t wanna be rude, and I always try to help, for the love of god - stop bothering me every 5 minutes while I code, or at 10 PM while I wanna chill out.

Most of the things they have problems with can be solved by 2 minute Googling and I strongly believe that at the university level, you should be able to find solutions for your problems yourself - especially when you’re a programmer.

Lost my main job due to corona. All I have left now is my few personal gaming projects which generate decent money (usually around 2k euro a month but during corona jumped 3x 4x). I am trying my best to take care of my projects now because its all whats left. Last 2 weeks spent applying for jobs and did really well in 2 of them however didnt received an offer because they cancelled recruitment proccess all together. Meanwhile my gf lost her job and spends most of time in home. While Im trying to cashout as much as I can from my projects so that we could have a better future, she started nagging me about how I work too much and seems depressed. Srsly this fcking pandemic is killing me. Working from home is already hard enough, but being stuck in home with no opportunity to have time for myself while Im the only grown up is fucking killing me. Fuck off everyone Im tired of your needs, I have my own needs as well. If Im telling you that I need a couple weeks to finish my projects then fuck off leave me in peace. 2 weeks wont change shit but at least I would be able to make money for our house women. Stop being needy and start being fucking supportive or this will not going to work out.

Woke up to see miscroshit is buying GitHub and saw atleast 3~4 rants about

Alright we get it, stop being redundant, I'm dealing with iframes and YouTube iframes with jQuery already

Audacity repository being on fire for the new privacy policy is something I just can't stop watching ... I love it.

It's fucking annoying when your roommate feels the need to play their music so loudly you can hear it through the walls. That's not fucking necessary... I listen to music all the time without it being that loud. And if I want loud music, I do the polite thing of putting my headphones in. This shit didn't bother me early on, but it's getting on my last fucking nerves these days.

I'm trying to do homework and can barely focus because of the constant sound of bass non-stop.

The first two stories on slashdot's homepage are:
1. Google releases Angular 2, breaks backwards compatibility
2. Apple releases Swift 3, breaks backwards compatibility

If you use either of those tools, why do you put up with this? When did software engineering stop being about building useful or enjoyable things for our customers, and start being about doing thankless make-work for Silicon Valley billionaire companies? Is this the legacy we want to leave to the world?

I've been working for 12days straight to develop 6 different pages in an admin panel. The CTO decided to launch only 2 of them! Yesterday, I was late so he asked me to be more regular and produce results with a mixer of insults and profanity.

Dear CTOs, I know sometimes you guys just want to burst out but stop for a minute then try not to be an asshole. It has the complete opposite effect on an employee.

You being an dick will achieve only one thing, you being a dick.

I'm pretty damn tired of script kiddies talking about Java being slow like they know shit.

Just. Stop.

I am so sick and tired of hearing “AI” everywhere all the time. Yeah how about we integrate some AI into your super smart toaster so that it knows when to start preparing for when you put toasts in it in the morning.

Not even mentioning all these idiots being like “oh yeah AI is becoming sentient. Oh yeah AI is gonna take over the world”.

Brother the current state of AI is just machine learning, it’s a stupid pattern detector and generator it doesn’t have thoughts, emotions. Please just stop it.

So apparently the CIO knows all about my team lead sucking it up as a boss, and is letting him do it. He's constantly on the team leads ass about stuff and it's stressing him out.

The CIO wants him to stop being so micro managey and let the team handle things... But instead of telling the team lead that, he'd rather just blast him constantly and stress him out which makes it roll onto us and stress the whole team out.

I wish the CIO would just tell him to square up or just fire him... This stress isn't good for anyone.

I hate backendphobia! It feels like so common nowadays. People scare other people with backend being too hard and stuff, and that feeling of scariness is something that infects lot of people. Please stop fearing the backend!

Yes, some backend stuff can be hard, but there's no good reason to fear it. I just hate it when I go to a new team and they all seem to be backendphobics idiots. I've build enough backends to not give in to the fear, pls stop scaring people.

You know how fucking Youtube on Android stops playing when you turn off the display? A few years ago you could prevent that from happening by using Youtube from an obscure browser, but this doesn't work anymore today. You're forced to deal with battery drain and not being able to switch apps when all you want to do is listen to some music via Youtube.

So this is what those moronic douchebags at Google thought:
Let's stop the playback as soon as the display goes dark and prevent our users from doing anything against it. They will probably be pissed off. But this is better for us because... well... who cares, let's just fuck with them.

Anyone knows a workaround?

Got a mathematics library I develop and maintain. Someone filed a feature request ticket for matrices of matrices. As in, each value of the primary matrix is another matrix. Not understanding why anyone would need such a convoluted concept, I asked for clarification.

Response: "This piece of shit library isn't feature complete without it, now stop being a lazy fag in your mother's basement and actually do something"

Lololololol. Sure thing. Let me go waste two or more weeks of my life developing something i've never seen used in math, without any justification beyond "feature".

I'm convinced this is going to be wildly unpopular, but hey...

Please stop writing stuff in C! Aside from a few niche areas (performance-critical, embedded, legacy etc. workloads) there's really no reason to other than some fumbled reason about "having full control over the hardware" and "not trusting these modern frameworks." I get it, it's what we all grew up with being the de-facto standard, but times have moved on, and the number of massive memory leaks & security holes that keep coming to light in *popular*, well-tested software is a great reason why you shouldn't think you're smart enough to avoid all those issues by taking full control yourself.

Especially, if like most C developers I've come across, you also shun things like unit tests as "something the QA department should worry about" 😬

1. I'm sick with a cold. I'm dying.

2. You know, it feels like some objects' destiny is bound to mine. Like this woolen shawl that over 15 years ago I used to use to keep my head warm in the heavy snow, then forgot it existed and now it resurfaced as I was talking to mom about my head being cold while having the cold.

3. If things go well, this shawl will come with me on my next trip. That is, if this cold doesn't make a stop in afterlife.
**achoo**

Delete your Facebook
Delete LinkedIn and Gmail too

Stop visiting websites with ads
Stop being friends with anyone with smartphones

Draw your own maps
Draw your own water

Avoid drinking tap water
Avoid going out in public with your face on

Kill your own meat
Kill your gods
- From tweet

Dependency Injection Frameworks are absolute shit. I have yet to encounter one that doesn't make code take hours to understand or debug, and usually requires a debugger to even begin to unravel it. Not to mention the "context" god objects that just are glorified versions of passing an array from function to function. You guys aren't avoiding global state you're just making it a clusterfuck. Stop being stupid for 2 minutes software development "progress" challenge. Level: impossible.

OMG people please stop being so fucking lazy... help me help you... RN I have multiple support people asking me to fix a bug that they can't even describe (and honestly I doubt it exists) and a fellow developer who refuses to give me a DB or migration to test his patch but wants me to merge it urgently. FOH and die, y'all.

A question arose in our office today and I can't stop thinking about it:

If you imagine your life as a file lying somewhere, being steadily changed and expanded - of which filetype would it be and why?

Network, talk to people, and get yourself on the spot, document everything and make sure that you take action when others do not.

Kissing ass can take you far, but I ain't about that life, because sooner or later the fucker that promoted you because he liked his pp getting suckd by you will leave or get put in the spot. Or change alleagiances.

Your best bet is to be ANYTHING OTHER THAN A FUCKING NECKBEARD WITH AUTISM and be someone that people likes being around, I know it sounds hardcore, but people around you will ignore the things you don't know if you are a charismatic guy. Dress well, work out or find ways to improve yourself in ways that are noticeable, use human psychology to be fucking likeable.

Work hard, both on yourself and on your craft, study, get better, be social.

Stop being a twat because high chances are that the higher executives of your branch will not give a shit about your knowledge, but how good is to have you around. Join the circle, fuck your opinions about anything else, this is business, and business doesn't care about a lot of things. Don't cut throats, but make yourself a force to be reckoned with.

Source: Upper management, deals with VPs on a daily basis, knows that being a neckbeard will not take you anywhere.

So a few weeks ago, our PO really scolded my team for not letting him in on our release planning meeting. His rant went on for about 30 minutes, just one long monologue about why he should be invited in the future.
Apparently he wanted to know details since there were some important fixes in the release, which I suppose is fair (though the rant is really not necessary).

Fastforward 2 weeks, we invite him again. He accepts, but never shows up. We decide to start the planning anyway, since we don't want the release branch blocked because someone didn't show up.
Immediately after the meeting, we write him with the new release plan. And he starts ranting again about "planning without him" -.- ..

1) Stop yelling at the team you're supposed to work with. Talk with the team about it - I'm sure they'll listen.

2) If you demand being in meetings, show up - or at least decline in advance.

3) You have no right to rant about "not being part of the planning" when you were literally invited for a planning meeting 2 weeks in advance. No meetings were overlapping, so there's literally no excuse..

Being 46 and finally having the chance to focus on software development after years of BA/PM roles, flogging the market trying to get a junior gig, then one day painting a shed with my 16 year old who I introduced to programming about 6 months ago and listen to him speak at length on protocol programming, finer variances between python and swift and his own development of a text based RPG system where he is creating randomized map generation, gear customization etc. only to realize as paint glides down my arm:

" I'M FREEKIN' OLD!!!!"

When did my brain stop absorbing like a sponge and behave more like a brick?

I just saw a bus stop being tested in production. It was amazing.

When is the point where you aren't allowed to touch your own AI anymore?

When it's capable of speech?
When it shows emotions?
When it becomes self aware?

When does it stop being file deletion and start becoming murder?

How does one stop being boring?

I love how odd very intelligent things can (seem to) be. Cryptography is incredibly complex, and the reason the computer was created in the first place. But that doesn't stop them from being all

"Heyyyy, y'all got any of them P R I M E N U M B E R S? We like em BIG, we'll paaaaay"

I find it hilarious the total misconception of hacking that the general public has. I tell people I know cyber security (Not as much as a lot of people around here) but it is a hobby of mine and I find it very useful/interesting.

But I can't stop but laugh when someone is like, can you get all the text messages my bf receives?

Can you hack this for me can you back that?

C'mon even if I knew how to do that without being caught you think I would even admit that to you. Do hackers just walk around with an index card pasted to their forehead of their skill? It's not even slightly reasonable to think this lol even for someone who doesn't know about the field

Absolutely SICK of clients contesting invoices, refusing to pay and paying late.

I work bloody hard building websites for these people, often saving their business and doing a huge amount of work they’ll never understand or appreciate. Agree a price and pay it, stop being horrible greedy arseholes.

Arghhhhhhhh

Sometimes I just feel happy, just happy.

Let's stop worrying about not meeting deadlines and the several loc that needs to be checked for bugs and optimized, and let's just be grateful that you're not on the streets not able to even have a square meal a day.

Let's just forget about stuff and occasionally be happy that you're gifted, if ur reading this you're definitely privileged, atleast to some extent, so try being happy for it once a while :)

Peace

I have this coworker who praises himself or being vegan an caring a lot about the world and his health, but smokes and drinks quite a lot. He also is very friendly with everyone but then he privately complains about them with me and goes back to be friendly.

I could ignored this behavior until it started affecting me. Now he is just passive aggressive with everyone, including me. The kind of guy who sends a slightly bitter comment with a wink at the end almost everyday. The kind of guy who will talk to you non-stop like he is your best friend and next morning don't even look at you. The one who will try to teach you some lesson whenever you say something publicly (which he did tons of times and ended up fucking up because he had no idea what he was talking about).

I feel like ignoring him from now on no matter what he says, because he is only waiting for the perfect opportunity to make you feel like a not caring human being so he can keep standing out and controlling everyone. Yes, if you ever try to organize something, he will make sure to criticize you.

So... that's it.

I'm freelance and I work from home, despite being repeatedly told however my friends have no problem calling in for a cup of tea and a chat in order to stop that work. As a result, I've got to work late to make up for the lost time they've caused me during the working day.

I'm sick to death to explaining this to my friends who just don't understand that I "work from home," and that "I am not home from work."

Me : "Wow, the Windscribe VPN is free for a whole year, and I can download up to 50gb of data per month!"
Me : *subscribe, install and launch the thingy, then proceed to start a 38 gb torrent*
Also me, literally 35s later: "... but why does the trending page of YouTube is full of american videos? Where did the french content go?"

I swear, one day I'll stop being this stupid.

Incident of my colleague, who is really hard-working but ain't so smart strategically.

So this morning the entire team connected to discuss the status or criticalll points.

When my colleagues turn came, she delivered a monologue for 15 minutes straight and was still going strong.

(Fucking hell, I couldn't stop laughing while typing this).

My TPM had to interrupt her, and the way he did is even funnier, to discuss few points.

I was the only one on video and I just couldn't resist laughing at the entire situation.

How the fuck can someone talk non-stop for 15 minutes without being breathless and still can go for another round.

Hahahaha it was hilarious.

Being in Data Science and Mobile Development taught me :
1.Always be curious
2.Never stop learning
3.Never give up
4.Don't be afraid of Experimenting new Technologies
5.Don't always take ,Give More ,Share More!!

Do Share What your Domain taught you in the Comments 😀

Worst part of being a dev is that feeling that you're walking up the down escalator. Can't get ahead and if you stop, you're back where you started.

Oh and some punk kids keep passing you on the way! Lol

Commit and push to live site without testing on Friday and being super confident about it.

And the payment system stop working on the weekend

Get my freaking 🏕h ➕➕ so I can stop being a green twat

The other thing I did was write a reduce function to sort items in an array without modifying the original array.

.... I really need to find a job so I stop being the sole driver of my time. XD

I'm so sick of being the only developer to have the courage to stand up, shout, argue and put a stop to incredibly poor, short-sighted and uninformed, company-damaging decisions made by managment.

Don’t teach with LOGO, but instead start with Scratch, then something more advanced like Python and after that maybe C# or Java.
Teach different operating systems and software, not only Windows and Microsoft Office. There should be class with Linux (Mint for instance) with LibreOffice and another with macOS and iWork.
Teach basic troubleshooting steps.
Less theory, more practice.
STOP BEING SUCH MICROSOFT ORIENTED.
Ability to use own laptop (I would be really happy to use my own one).
Teach basic commands for Windows and Unix based systems.
Teach how to install Windows and Linux.

Windows being like... "60secs left! Nonono wait it's 50mins! Aaah i wanted to say 10. It's definitely 5 now, i am sure this time, 16 is correct!"

God damn it stop wasting computation power for this boolshit and copy faster instead!!!

"Don't stop being curious about another technologies. Don't be overwhelmed by the new trends."

30hr non stop programming during university. Self proclaimed "best programmer" did not have shit the day before the deadline while he said he was done 2 weeks before that.
He also proclaimed being the "best leader" and kept trying to take that role from the one we decided on before he joined the group.
He also proclaimed amd lied about making all the documentation to save his own ass and trowing us under the bus while we did not even mention saving his ass.
And much more.

My blood still starts to boil when i see the guy.

Oh no AI can destroy hummanity in the future! It is like skynet and such... Bad! It will be the end! FEAR THE AI!

Yeah so i cant sleep now so im writting a rant about that.

What a load of bullshit.

AI is just a bunch of if elses, and im not joking, they might not be binary and some architectures of ML are more complex but in general they are a lot of little neurons that decide that to output depending on the input. Even humans work that way. It is complicated to analyse it yes. But it is not going to end humanity. Why? Because by itself it is useless. Just like human without arms and legs.

But but but... internet.... nukes... robots! Yeah... So maybe DONT FUCKING GIVE IT BLOODY WEAPONS?! Would you wire a fucking random number generator to a bomb? If you cant predict actions of a black box dont give it fucking influence over anything! This is why goverment isnt giving away nukes to everybody!

Also if you think that your skynet will take control of the internet remember how flawless our infrastructure is and how that infrastructure is so fast that it will be able to accomodate terabytes per second or more throughput needed by the AI to operate. If you connect it to the internet using USB 2.0 it wont be able to do anything bloody dangerous because it cant overcome laws of physics... If the connection isnt the issue just imagine the AI struggle to hack every possible server without knowing about those 1 000 000 errors and "features" that those servers were equiped with by their master programmers... We cant make them work propely yet alone modify them to do something sinister!

AI is a tool just like a nuclear power. You can use it safely but if you are a idiot then... No matter what is the technology you are going to fuck shit up.

Making a reactor that can go prompt critical? Giving AI weapons or controls over something important? Making nukes without proper antitamper measures? Building a chemical plant without the means to contain potential chemical leak? Just doing something stupid? Yeah that is the cause of the damage, not the technology itself.

And that is true for everything in life not only AI.

how can I stop being pathetic all the time? I suck at almost everything.

If every car in the city does have a license plate but this one particular car doesn’t, it’s not anonymous, it’s easily determined as “that one car without a license plate”.

If every request does have a source but only the CIA ones don’t, they are not anonymous because “no source huh, it’s CIA”.

For governmental agencies to be anonymous they need everyone else to be anonymous so they can blend in.

So they created a network. This network called Tor.

But no, tOr iS cReTeD bY cOpS sToP bEiNg a ShEeP

(I know that you theoretically can be tracked even if you use tor, my rant is not about this)

Someone gave me his code and told me to improve it and being the nice guy I am I agreed. Then while trying to work on that, a dozen other people asked me to help them with their code too, so in the end I barely got any work done.

I should stop helping people

amazon: "try amazon music unlimited with your new headphones"

stop it amazon, you're being creepy

Being a programmer and addicted to porn is a challenge, thus most work is in front of the screen. It's like trying to stop drugs but you work in a drug factory...

I've realized that it highly affects my ability to focus on code.

And btw, don't come with this is a reddit nofap comment, it's applicable here thus its for developers.

A message to designers and developers:

please please please stop being so touchy about your designs/software. The final work is meant to be used/enjoyed by end users, customers, clients, young people, old people, disabled people, short attention span people, irrational people, patient people etc. So if they say it's not good enough accept it go back and make it simpler (not necessarily better but simpler) and move on!!

Stop going into defence mode and start throwing your toys out the pram or giving people the silent treatment.

Sorry just been on the receiving end and boy is childish.

Aaron, seriously. Stop wading into our team uninvited, coming in with your "superior experience", mouthing off about how we need to be doing everything differently because our current code makes no sense, making a few PRs that break everything, then complaining we're just incompetent and don't understand when everyone rejects them.

If there's one thing that hacks me off the most, it's people like this wading in uninvited, pretending they're being really helpful in coaching us in the "one true way" to do development, screwing everything up, then buggering off again while boasting to upper management that "thank goodness I got there when I did, or that team would be royally screwed."

Stop being high, Monster! Why the heck should I apply to a SENIOR developer position when my skills/experience are of a graduate?!

Job seeking site being troll... 😒

Here's an idea: starting my own botfarm to automatically downvote obnoxious adbots that simply won't stop tickling our collective fucking testicle sax with unrequited love stories and crypto bullshit.

To detect the sheeit, just look for idiot giving contact info in a rant about hacking the device of your unfaithful spouse/treacherous cyber girlfriend who also ran a bitcoin scam and fucked you in the ass with a welding torch. That should do the trick, I can give you that power with a perl script, because fuck you that's why.

But since there is no moderation in this bitch, daring to offer me sufficient knowledge to the inner workings of such a construct would be exceptionally perilous to your asshole. That is to say, nothing could then stop me from redirecting said botfarm to target my enemies and anally assault their every rant and comment.

Indubitably, this would in turn quickly spiral into digital warfare of cyberfeudal lords pitting their automated fake accounts against each other. Millions will die. Upside being hexical gets to pull the plug without guilt.

What do you say? Should we begin the apocalypse?

Narrow my skillset down to a few masteries.
Gotta stop being jack of all techs 🤣

Be less harsh and judgemental towards myself.

Being on personal leave for a funeral but can't stop thinking of what I have to do when I get back to work 😣

After building some automated regression tests to verify parts of the company website were working, it was discovered that a test case was missing.
Instead of a constructive meeting about fixing the issue and adding a test, I was reamed and my manager was reamed that we "missed this case".
Nevermind that the automation caught several issues before release in nearly every other aspect of coverage.
Nevermind that the missing test case was a useless feature added after the automation was completed.
Nevermind that automation was meant to be the last stop in the gate, not the first...

I was so livid after that meeting I nearly resigned on the spot. My manager was so livid over being told to write me up he was ready to resign.

So it's not just through reading your own code later that you can realize how stupid you are. All the great card house of the belief in your own superiority collapsing instantly.
Currently intense time with my son. Can be hard being around one another 24h non-stop... And then realizing that a lot of the stubbornness and quirks of his that drive me crazy: is actually me! (Be it that it's in my character as well or he was reacting to a stupidness of mine)

Stop being "smart" and trying to forsee every future problem, be naive, cynical, and get the job done.

I label all packages I know are coming as being for a company: Derp Industries. This is from an old in-joke between my friends and I. This tells me whether a package was something I ordered or not from the label (as I often forget I have a package coming.) However, I just got a call from a DHL driver asking me how long we'll be open. I, uh... I told him we close at 8. He said that's perfect, as he has to pick up from the local holding station at 5 and i'm his first stop.

I'm tempted to call back and tell him I'm just a dude living in a trailer...

Why is it that every god damned time, i ask questions until i have a clear view of a clients project and flow. I present them this flow. They OK it and everything. I build said flow in an app. And then at the end of the line i always end up with a shit codebase because i designed it to be like the documented flow, but changes were being added (and obviously paid for) all the time. I made such a neat little app. And now it all gone to shit.

Is this just me? Am i that bad at programming or what?!

Stop changing half of the app functionality after the original design is created!

I'm working on a project that is being shipped to production this friday, so we're killing all bugs and finishing all remaining features.
Sadly, one of the main devs just took his vacation last friday for THREE WEEKS, and being the small team we are, it feels like we'll need to work non-stop extra hours every day to meet the deadline.

The problem is, I can't sleep right now and it's 2:30 am, so fuck me.

If you could choose one, what should happen in 2020 :
1. Apple let developer build iOS apps on non Apple machines
2. NPM/Maven/... run 10x faster
3. Javascript dies and gets replaced by a better language
4. Governments stop trying to ruin encryption
5. Facebook splits
6. Quantum computers are being sold for consumer use
7. We have our first high - level generic AI working

If I don't stop being a piece of shit entropy will prevail and my life in general will suck

I need to do something different like stopping being a crazy bastard that literally does exactly the same fucking things over and over and then denies them when someone confronts me

I need to admit that time is passing and has passed and it's devouring me

And a big part of this is not trying to cover my tracks because I'm not I'm fucking myself.

With the more positive changes I make the better the world around me will become.

I've been failing and I keep getting it worse in general.

Making scripts for custom physics is fun. One moment, the object gets stuck on the ground. The next, it shoots off into the far distance.

Lesson of the day? Don't be an idiot for once, stop, grab a notebook, Google some formulas and think like a human being before messing around with the script again.

Funny how I can go all day not being able to think of anyone that bad, but then when I remember THAT ONE GUY from a group project in college, I can't stop ranting.

highlights:
- He micromanaged our group without adding any value on his end
- Scheduled 2 hour meetings on Friday evenings to show us his work so we could "learn and take notes"
- when the group finally reached out and asked if we could work differently, he completely shut down. like stopped replying and working completely.
- last night we were putting together our presentation, he bailed because he had an 8-HOUR date with someone he just met....nevermind that we had our calendar set a month prior
- prior to that date, he submitted code to our final release that was riddled with bugs, so I stayed up all night debugging and rewriting his parts

</rant>

I am SOOO fucking sick of being asked if our website and gaming servers are going to be GDPR compliant. All these game owners in a panic changing everything they do just to conform to this law.

Fuck GDPR. In all reality COME AT ME BITCH. The EU wants to grow a pair of balls and act like the world internet police? Bring it the FUCK on. You can't even stop pirating in your own country, so how the FUCK are you going to regulate and enforce this law on HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of servers, when your punk ass government can't even shutdown a single torrenting website.

Give me a fucking break, and shame on you pussies for allowing it. All you people running around scared acting like your private gaming servers are important. I give a shit less how much work you put into your server. I have put more work than most anyone else, but you don't see me trying to act self important as if my gaming server is some fortune 500 company.

Your server isn't important and neither are you. The government doesn't give a shit about your server so can we all just stop acting like this fucking matters. NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOUR SERVER.

NO ONE is going to come and sue you for not complying. GDPR is for business, and anyone that wants to argue no look it says right here it applies to all is a fucking MORON. Do you idiots stop and think or do you just believe everything typed out on paper.

THEY CANT ENFORCE THIS ON EVERYONE. They don't have the resources. So use your fucking heads and stop being so fucking scared of a law that has no resources to stop you. THEY CAN"T DO ANYTHING. EU and whoever made their polices, I DARE them to try and touch my server, I WANT them to start something with me, just so I can show the rest of the world why the Internet is still the wild west and why they have no power over me.

You think pirate bay is the only one who knows how to hide their server? You think pirate bay is the only one who keeps backups of their server to be able to re release in an instant somewhere else in the world? Bitch get real this is the internet, a place where a 5 year old can buy hand grenades from the Red Silk Road, and you wanna talk to me about your privacy? Go fuck yourself.

It's not my problem some douche bag went onto a site that used his personal information in the wrong manner. So how about you do what everyone else does and browse ANONYMOUSLY. But no it would be to easy for governments to make their own citizens responsible. Instead they have to hold all of YOUR hands, because you people are to stupid to protect yourself.

Wake the fuck up world, and stop being a bunch of whining little brats who cry for the government to bubble wrap your world so you can live safer. Natural selection is long overdue for a lot of morons still breathing air.

I AM ABOUT TO KICK SOME PROFESSORS ASSES!!!!!!!!!!
THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE MAKING GO MAD BEYOND MY BOUNDS WITH THERE MOTHERFUCKING STUPIDITY AND SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

LISTEN YOU FUCKS I WORK AS A PROGRAMMER TO PAY FOR MY FUCKING TUITION. NO IT IS NOT A PART-TIME JOB. I FUCK UP MY SCHEDULE SO I CAN CAME HERE TO THIS SHIT LEARNING SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU FUCKERS DO NOT HAVE A LECTURE AFTER HOURS.

SO WE I SAID THAT I CAN ONLY CAME TO THIS CLASS AT THIS TIME AND DAY OF THE WEEK I AM NOT BULLSHITING YOU.

SO DO US A FAVOR AND STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID AND GIVING ME THAT CYNICAL SMILE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

FUCK YOU FUCKER AND YOUR PIECE OF SHIT CLASS.

If you are a developer and you are proud of the work you contribute whilst remaining open minded, I applaud you. If you are a developer and you are overly proud of what you do, and you believe the work you contribute to a software project caries more value than the work another developer contributes, then go fuck yourself.

I am sick and tired of working on teams with people who are self-righteous. What you bring to the table is important, but it isn't the only thing brought to the table, so stop acting like what you brought to the table is the best thing on the fucking table.

What makes it worse is when someone disagrees with your work and you aren't willing to take any of it. You deny their opinion as if yours is vastly superior. YOU need to improve your teamwork skills, YOU need to stop being so arrogant and self-righteous, YOU are the problem.

I have so much shit I want/need to learn. I've started learning C while picking JavaScript back up, I'm learning basic electronics but I have a lot planned for that. Not even related but I want to fucking Cook, yeah i said it i wanna cook but why does that make me feel like i should just stop and go back to programming. Idk I just spill shit in these rants. Also wanna learn to speak another langauge but can't find the time, and I have college and dude I'm trying and trying and I need someone to appreciate something I do before I flip or before C destroys my entire being from being the weirdest yet interesting yet fucking brain melting. And fuck JS I Love it but sometimes it's a twat let's be honest

In 2019 I want to get better at PHP & React & stop being afraid to try & fail! I do a lot of front end work, backend still baffles me a lot. Time to get uncomfortable! 👩🏼‍💻🤓

In all the companies i worked at so far, never seen any employee (in any department) above age 50..maybe the ceo or some lawyer, but thats it.
Where do all the 50+ ppl go in tech?
I'm not sure the tech world will be what it is now even in 10 years.. but I'm just wondering do any of u guys think/worry about where we'll work when we stop being young and cool?
Looks like it's either u start your own business, which not everyone can, or..
what is option B exactly?!?

the amount of time you spend trying to unfuck shit you don't understand while using linux is highly unpleasant

i'm even on ubuntu which should is supposed to be a friendly babbies first linux option

dumbass shit with the desktop environment being borked such that i had to stop using cinnamon and grub boot issues because of dual booting windows 10 on the same drive

something that just werks, can play games, codemonkey, wageslave and isn't windows could be nice (macos fuck off, you don't satisfy the critieria eitehr)

Needed a code review urgently. As I’m the only mobile dev in my team I posted my request in a mobile group channel on Slack asking for someone to take a look. I used @here to notify everyone that’s currently online and I got slammed for using @here in the channel because people got a bloody notification. Grow a pair and stop being a fucking snowflakes. This is a company Slack channel and I am asking you to take a look at company critical PR why wouldn’t I use @here

Funny how people freak out when I offer free stuff (in exchange for feedback) as I introduce myself as the CEO.
But when I tell them that I'm a developer, they all accept it without a single doubt.

Since I'm doing both, I can call myself whatever, but this just shows how little trust people have towards management of ANY company. So I can't really blame them.

CEOs, please stop being fucking greedy and do something that can change the life of at least one person in a positive way.

My vision for this startup is to produce as many opportunities for people so that they can feed their family and have a place to call home.

Edit: I've seen this one CEO buy an expensive car on company lease when he received an investment. Guess what his employee told me next. I fucking LOL'd.

School's principle: *is being unclear of what is asked*
Me: *asks lots of questions to try to understand*
SP: *keeps being unclear*
Me: *think I understand, I'll do something that will match with what I'm supposed to do*
-- 2 days before due date --
SP: omg stop it's not that at all
Me: wait wtf you told me that 3 months ago
SP: yOu uNdersdtoOd wHat yOu WaNtEd, tHat'S a ProBlEm yOu rEaLLy nEed To fiX

HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE SOMEWHERE YOU SON OF A BITCH
Now I have until monday to write 30 fucking pages of something that keeps making no fucking sense. FUCK !

I fucking hate webpack and frontend development so fucking much, why do I have to see my site not loading the bundled JS code on production but being absolutely fine in dev? is like watching my mom being run by a car over and over and over while I try to remember how it all was before she gets run over, FUCKING STOP WEBPACK, I havent sleep but just 4 hours since yesterday, I NEED YOU TO WORK JUST AS YOU DID IN DEV WITHOUT THE PERKS OF HMR FFS, JUST FUCKING DO IT

Any dev who is asked to give “deadlines” then cried about how it’s “waterfall” and you cannot produce business requirement deadlines in agile methodology needs to stop being dependent on terminology and learn that part of programming is proper estimation.

Milestones, business deadlines and agile can go-exist. Anyone who says they don’t, then cries “waterfall” when asked to produce deadlines greater than 4 weeks out, please never work with me

If software developers / engineers and various other technical people stop serving banks and governments and become free minded we’re be having our own clothes and food served to us whenever we want and where we want by now.

Fucking capitalism and stupid dickheads.

I think being able to be served by robots in your own house to provide you everything you need is first step for long spaceship trips that can take over galaxies.

Living on this planet is boring as fuck.

Yesterday at my career progression chat my manager told me that to showcase more seniority I would need to "stop moving the needle by myself and become a multiplier".

So in order to progress I need to change from being a sewing machine to a mathematical operator??!!?!?
Thanks, that's very fucking helpful.

I can cope with the workload and the silly client requests but I think my bullshit-threshold is very close to being breached.
One more thing and I'm not sure my brain will be able to act fast enough to stop my mouth shouting a horrible string of profanity.

Dear bluetooth headset,
I know your battery is low, thanks for the notice. I have 1 hour work left, after that you will get your charge. I also know you underestimate your own power and can do more than an hour on reserve.

So suck it up and stop being a whiny bitch blaring your damn "battery low"-beeps into my ears. It's way too loud and beeping every 10 seconds will only strain your power reserves and my nerves.

Yours sincerely,
dev13

Goals before wk200:
0. Get the hell out of this Geophysics faculty and transfer to Computer science faculty in university which I was dreaming of since I was high school freshman.
1. Meet my girlfriend. (I'm in long distance relationship and there's a huge ocean between us).
2. Get to be able to learn probability in Math so I can understand AI topic.
3. Get better money from my amazon business.
4. Get better sleep.
5. Stop being so scared of dentists and go fucking fix my tooth that hurts.
6. Lose weight.
7. Don't buy video-games that I'm not going to play after a week and forget about it.
8. Listen to the Math lectures.
9. Stop feeling the need to kiss the girl that sits next to me in university (Which is by the way my BFF ).
That's all I can think of yet.