Sit down before you read this.

So I interviewed a guy for a "Support Engineer" internship position.

Me and the team lead sit down and are waiting for him to enter, but apparently he's actually making a coffee in the kitchen.

This isn't exactly a strike since the receptionist told him that he can go get a drink, and we did too. It's just always expected for him to get a glass of water, not waste 3 minutes brewing a coffee.

In any case he comes in, puts the coffee on the table, then his phone, then his wallet, then his keys and then sits on our side of the table.
I ask him to sit in front of us so we can see him. He takes a minute to pack and tranfer himself to the other side of the table. He again places all of the objects on the table.

We begin, team lead tells him about the company. Then I ask him whether he got any questions regarding the job, the team or the company . For the next 15 minutes he bombards us with mostly irrelevant and sometimes inappropriate questions, like:
0: Can I choose my own nickname when getting an email address?
1: Does the entire department get same salaries?
2: Are there yoga classes on Sundays only or every morning?
3: Will I get a car?
4: Does the firm support workspace equality? How many chicks are in the team?
5: I want the newest grey Mac.

And then.. Then the questions turn into demands:
6: I need a high salary (asks for 2.5 more than the job pays. Which is still a lot).
I ask him why would he get that at his first job in the industry (remind you, this is an internship and we are a relatively high paying company).
He says he's getting paid more at his current job.
His CV lists no current job and only indicates that he just finished studying.
He says that he's working at his parent's business...
Next he says that he is very talented and has to be promoted very quickly and that we need to teach him a lot and finance his courses.

At this point me and the team lead were barely holding our laughs.

The team lead asks him about his English (English is not our native language).
He replies "It's good, trust me".
Team lead invites him for an English conversation. Team lead acts like a customer with a broken internet and the guy is there to troubleshoot. (btw that's not job related, just a simple scenario)
TL: "Hello, my name is Andrew, I'm calli..."
Guy: *interrupts* "Yes, yes, hi! Hi! What do you want?"
TL: "Well, if you let me fi..."
Guy: "Ok! Talk!"
TL: "...inish... My internet is not working."
Guy: "Ok, *mimics tuning a V engine or cooking a soup* I fixed! *points at TL* now you say 'yes you fixed'".

Important to note that his English was horrible. Disregarding the accent he just genuinely does not know the language well.

Then he continiues with "See? Good English. Told you no need to check!".

After about half a minute of choking on out silent laughter I ask him how much Python experience he has (job lists a requirement of at least 1 year).
He replies "I'm very good at object oriented functional programming".
I ask again "But what is your experience? Did you ever take any courses? Do you have a git repository to show? Any side.."
*he interrupts again* "I only use Matlab!".

Team lead stands up and proceeds to shake his hand while saying "we will get back to you".

At last the guy says with a stupid smile on his face "You better hire me! Call me back tomorrow." Leaves TL hanging and walks away after packing his stuff into the pockets.

I was so shocked that I wasn't even angry.
We both laughed for the rest of the day though. It was probably the weirdest interview I took part at.

HTML: Hate This Meaningless Life
CSS: Can't Style Shit
JS: Just Shit
Java: Just another vicious asshole
PHP: PHP Hates People
Go: (the "fuck yourself" is silent)
.NET: Now Everybody Thinks (they can code)

I really should find a more productive thing to do on my breaks.

• Manager : WTF did you push, now it keeps crashing all the servers.

• Me : (silent, I'm trying to speak but nothing is coming out. Felt like someone in coma).

• Someone else shouts at boss : Now we now have 47 major crisis bridges​.

[I went running for the door to get away from everything.]

Only to find myself rolling on the floor tangled in my bedsheets after falling from my bed. Realized it was all but a nightmare.

Went to get some water. While taking the first sip...
Me: Shit, I'm late for work AGAIN.

Running for the door again. Then stopped to think if this is all some fuckin premonition. Hurriedly went for my phone to find out it's nothing but Sunday.

I'm thinking about a career switch now. No more devops once this is over.

I was activating virtualenv in powershell when my younger brother came in.

Me: *all nervous* please don't think I'm hacking or trying to set off a bomb. (He always thinks I'm hacking and tells on me.)

Brother: *silent*

Me: *even more nervous* I don't want my laptop to get taken away. Don't tell on me and say I'm hacking, because I'm not.

Brother: Oh, I know you're not hacking this time.

Me: You do? *relieved.*

Brother: Yeah, because this time it's a blue background, not a black one.

Me: Oh, haha. So you're only scared of things such as these? *opens CMD and Git Bash* you know, just because it's dark themed, doesn't mean it's malicious. Besides it—

Brother: oooOooOh! You're hacking again! I'm telling on you!

*Note to self: Never use dark theme in front of the ignorant again.)

I'm really down.
I spent 10 years building on an application worth 800K$ revenue per year.

I tried to build a technical team. All left, because of fights with stupid account managers, CEO, business managers.

I was left alone for almost one year alone, working like 60-70 hours per week to keep the things going and adapt to more customers.

And looking for potential partners to outsource things.

Now out of the blue, 3 weeks before my summer holiday, investors introduce me to a "partner" that will rent to us a "developer" for 2 months. from tomorrow.
What the fuck I'm gonna do with him in 2 weeks I don't know.
Actually I understand that this "partner" will take over the whole project.

They used the word "to help me", but actually during the meeting they said to fix things that are not working, and to develop new features because the project is blocked.

Of course there are bugs, I have no developers with me and hundred of features and integrations to maintain. And of course everything is blocked because I have to think hard about priorities.

I feel humiliated in the worst way.
I don't know what will be my future position.
I wasted time contacting potential partners and the answer was always "there are no money".

The business strategist, entered one year ago and said "no more IT investment".

Basically as cofounder and cto (of myself), they will not fire me, if I stay silent. If I accept to be a puppet. And eat, eat eat a lot of shit. I'll grow fat from the shit I'll eat.
I feel I've lost all my hard work, and I'm alone.

On the last working day of our CEO.
CEO: As a software company, if we are to build an airplane would you ride on the airplane that we built?
Everyone was silent.
Me at the back of my head: I'll ride. I know for sure that the airplane will never start.

I want to make a worm that recognizes when the user is using headphones and occasionally play a silent footstep sound behind them.

"I have a terminal illness"
*room goes silent*
"so I stopped using the terminal"
*bob throws his keyboard at me*

I prefer silent kills.

× open Jira ticket classified as a BUG REPORT
× Title: "Mike"
× Description: "Mike is working with us"
× assign it to Mike

× reopen it every time it's closed

Me - "Has anyone changed the password on the print computer"
Him - "It's the same one."
Me - "Carrots99?"
Him - "Yeah, what's the message that comes up?
Me - "Password is incorrect."

The dumbest conversation I've ever had in my fucking life. You little shit, I know you changed the password just to fuck with people. You've been reading too many books on elevating yourself, tried to be important for something. It means fuck all if you can't remember what you changed it to. So you held up two hours of my work, not to mention everyone else, because you can't help but stick your beak in shit. You dont think people can't see what youre doing? Watching you scurry over to the computer with a big smile, only a to fuck off silent as a mouse not to be seen mumbling some shit about a system administrator. Yeah you forgot it you prick.

Stop sucking up to the boss, and commanding people on what to do, when you're as junior as junior gets. Don't change our fucking passwords, just so you can have the whole team approach you the next day asking for you, then not remember them. You cunt.

Friend : Queue is just 'Q' followed by 4 silent letter..
Me : they are not silent they are waiting for their turn...
☺☺☺

Hello {Project}, my old friend. I've come to debug you again
Because the scope is softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was developing
And the misery that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence...

In restless dreams I debugged alone
Narrow file of cobbled code
‘Neath the halo of a desk lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of git checkin
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand bugs and maybe more
People coding without asking
People coding without listening
People writing code that they never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
{Project} like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the kludgy app they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

It happened to one of my friend at work place.

So my friend is a UI developer and was working on a super critical project with very tight deadline. He was waiting for design team to give him mocks and web api team for giving Apis, so he can start his work. Now there are 4 days left for deadline and none of the parties are ready with their work, and my friend is sitting idle. Management is getting anxious day by day. So one program management lady called him the weak link in the standup meeting and started putting blame on him for the delay in the project. Guy tried to explain that it's not his fault and he is stuck. But that lady was not in a mood to listen.

Now come the next day, in morning he got the design ready and complete Apis from other teams. That day he missed the standup meeting, worked whole night and completed the work with two days remaining for deadline. He went to standup meeting after completing the work, and when the turn came for him to give his status, he started with "the weak link has finished the work". There was a pin drop silent in the room. He continued to give his update like this for next couple of days. And finally that lady was forced to apologize in meeting room by him.

Shopping for fridge with sister in law.

"Yeah that one is nice but it doesn't have an app"

"Why do you need an app for your fridge"

"I don't know, but this other fridge has an app, so I think if it doesn't have an app it's not that good"

"But it's very energy-efficient, silent and spacious. The one with the app is the same size, has a worse energy rating, is noisier and is more expensive as well"

"Yeah I know but if there's no extra features that's kind of boring"

"You are everything that's wrong with modern consumers"

Once upon a time I was teaching high schoolers Unity/C#. Noisy boy asked me if it was possible to create a robot in C#.

I told him to take printer, take it apart and turn it upside down in the way that printing drum would touch the ground, and then to put a laptop with his C# program on top of it.

When the program will launch, printer will try to print and the whole thing will roll slowly. Isn’t that a robot? You just need to think wider and define what robot is at first.

He was lost in thoughts and completely silent to the end of the lecture.

I just feel that I have to get this of my chest, because this have really me and my family really negative.
It have destroyed my will to be happy, sort of.

Well, my father have some kind of control behaviour. My whole life he has been angry on stuff that does not really matter
and I have always been the one that get all the shit - because I am the oldest. I was never allowed (maybee 3-4 times between age 8-15) to have any friends
over or stay with friends over night or after school. Because they "where bad and I would become like them".

I am happy that I meet my wife 6 years ago and moved away from home when I was 20, I kinda fled the situation from home to start my own life.
My father has always hated when boy/men had long hair and alot of beard - but that is something I always wanted to have. So when I moved from home
I start to let everything grow.

Two years ago, things got really fucked up when I did not shave all my beard of and cut down my hair because my mom had birthday. I did it the week after
because my brother graduated from school and we where going to visit, we did not want a repeat the situation from a couple of weeks before. After that I got
another job as a Linux sysadmin and started to grow the hair and beard again.

Last monday, my dad called and said that I am not welcome to visit them anymore. I am a "bad example" for my sibling
and he also said "you brother and sister does not feel so good (my sister fainted a couple of days before, which I did not know) so I have no time to care about you and your family"
I was stunned, I really wish that this was a joke but it is'nt.

I have always been bashed because of the choices I make in my life and for my own family (wife, and two kids + one more kid any day now)

When I choose to work with something that I love, they said that I am stupid because they basically think "that the PC is full of SATAN".
When they realized that I make more money than my parents combined they went silent.

I just wanted to write this shit of my chest, it is really fucked up and I am starting to loose the ability to have feelings - if you know what I mean.

Thank you devrant, for being one of the fun things I do, when I read all the rage, fucked up stories, hate, and so on. I do not feel alone :)

PS: I promise you, that you guys/gals will be the first one to know when my new kiddo arrives

I was hired as a senior software engineer. During handover I found out I'm actually replacing the CTO.

I queried why he was leaving and got a simple "just want a break from working" which I found odd.

Fast forward and now I also just want a break from work, permanently. This place has followed every bad practise and big no-no out there. Every bit of software is a built in house knockoff janky piece of crap that doesn't work and makes people's jobs 5000 times harder.

The UI looks worse than Windows 3.1, absolutely horrendous code formatting, worst database structure I've ever seen.

The mere mention of using a team communication tool results in being yelled at from the CEO whom communicates purely via email, who then gets annoyed when you don't reply because they sent the email to a client instead of you.

We get handed printed out "tickets" to work instead of the so called "amazing in house ticket system" built using PHP 5 and is literally crammed into an 800x600 IFrame. Yes a F$*#ing IFRAME!

It's not like we have an outdated TFS server that has work items we can use...

Why not push for changes you say. I have, many times, tried to suggest better tools. The only approval I've gotten is using PhpStorm. Everything else is shutdown immediately and you get the silent treatment.

The CEO hired me to do a job, then micromanages like crazy. I can't make UI changes, I can't make database changes, why? They insists they know best, but has admitted multiple times to not knowing SQL and literally uses a drag and drop database table builder.

Every page in the webapps we make are crammed into 800x600 iframes with more iframes inside iframes. And every time it's pointed out we need to do something, be it from internal staff or client suggestions, the CEO goes off about how the UI is industry leading and follows standards.. what in the actual f....

Literally holding on by a thread here. Why hire a CTO under the guise of being a senior developer but then reduce the work that can be done down to the level of a junior?

Sure the paycheck is really nice but no job is worth the stress, harassment and incompetent leadership from the CEO.

They've verbally abused people to the point they resign, best part is that was simply because the CEO made serious legal mistakes, was told about it by the employee then blamed it on others.

Me: hey dev, my in-app purchase isn't reflected on other phones with your app
Dev: *cricket noises*
About a week later...
Google Play: an update for this app is available
20 minutes later...
Dev: nope, that isn't an issue.

You updated the app minutes ago after being silent for so long. No mention of it being fixed in the changelog, no mention of it being fixed in the reply.. nothing. But I'll eat my hat if you didn't silently add it in and shoved it under the rug. Dickhead.

At least the issue doesn't exist.. anymore.

Please don't be like that...

"Do you have 2 factor auth for the database?"
a customer asked. I stared on the wall in front of me and suddenly fel and urge to punch and piss on something.
I took a deep breath while thinking to myself
*Oh boy, here we go. Another retard*
I put on my nice voice and asked:
"What you mean?"
The customer seems confused, as if my question did not make sense and he said:
"TWO FACTOR AUTHENTICATION! Dont you know what it is? To make the database more secure."

I was fucking right, this person reads to much shit. The fact that the email signature of that person said "Wordpress Developer" made me more angry.
I, still with the nice voice asked
"How would that work?"
"Two factor authentication when I am connecting to the database."
"So, do you want it by SMS then? You'll get alot of messages if it is going to send you one every time a query is made."
The following 7 seconds was dead silent until I heard the person hang up.

Trying to concentrate. Co-worker from another room standing there, BLA BLA BLA, and she's fucking LOUD. But she hates coldness, and it's below 0 °C outside.

So I open two windows, and guess who instantly leaves! Now it's cold, but SILENT. HAR HAR!

---- Startup RantLife ----

A senior developer joined the team, let's name him Bob, and this guy is really good no doubts about that.
He made suggestions, some improvements, but Bob is always waving his hands and says out loud that some part of the code base is really really bad.
I kept quiet until one day I had to pair with Bob to check a feature. Guess what happened, as usual, Bob clenched his fist and start pointing that this code is super ugly.
So let's check the history of changes and boom, Bob was the main writer.
That moment, I was completely silent, trying not to smile as Bob came up with an excuse, he never admits that he is wrong, now he needs a scapegoat and he starts blaming the process, the planning...
I believe that being humble and saying sorry is a quality that it requires time to develop.
So don't be like Bob, please :)

More sysadmin focused but y’all get this stuff and I need a rant.

TLDR: Got the wrong internship.

Start working as a sysadmin/dev intern/man-of-many-hats at a small finance company (I’m still in school). Day 1: “Oh new IT guy? Just grab a PC from an empty cubicle and here’s a flash drive with Fedora, go ahead and manually install your operating system. Oh shit also your desktop has 2g of ram, a core2 duo, and we scavenged your hard drive for another dev so just go find one in the server room. And also your monitor is broken so just take one from another cubicle.”

Am shown our server room and see that someone is storing random personal shit in there (golf clubs propped against the server racks with heads mixed into the cabling, etc.). Ask why the golf clubs etc. are mixed in with the cabling and server racks and am given the silent treatment. Learn later that my boss is the owners son, and he is storing his personal stuff in our server room.

Do desktop support for end users. Another manager asks for her employees to receive copies of office 2010 (they’re running 2003 an 2007). Ask boss about licensing plans in place and upgrade schedules, he says he’ll get back to me. I explain to other manager we are working on a licensing scheme and I will keep her informed.

Next day other manager tells me (*the intern*) that she spoke with a rich business friend whose company uses fake/cracked license keys and we should do the same to keep costs down. I nod and smile. IT manager tells me we have no upgrade schedule or licensing agreement. I suggest purchasing an Office 365 subscription. Boss says $150 a year per employee is too expensive (Company pulls good money, has ~25 employees, owner is just cheap) I suggest freeware alternatives. Other manager refuses to use anything other than office 2010 as that is what she is familiar with. Boss refuses to spend any money on license keys. Learn other manager is owners wife and mother of my boss. Stalemate. No upgrades happen.

Company is running an active directory Windows Server 2003 instance that needs upgrading. I suggest 2012R2. Boss says “sure”. I ask how he will purchase the license key and he tells me he won’t.

I suggest running an Ubuntu server with LDAP functionality instead with the understanding that this will add IT employee hours for maintenance. Bosses eyes glaze over at the mention of Linux. The upgrade is put off.

Start cleaning out server room of the personal junk, labeling server racks and cables, and creating a network map. Boss asks what I’m doing. I show him the organized side of the server room and he says “okay but don’t do any more”.

... *sigh* ...

So I teach a Lego mindstorms class to 5th graders for fun on my spare time. My other classes the kids usually seek me out for any programming questions but this one class of rambunctious boys would always say they're fine when I offered to help and then when they thought I wasn't looking would ask the male teacher or would pretend to listen to my explanation to not hurt my feelings. Finally my co worker told the guys "you know guys she went to school to program she does this for a living full time when she's not here. **room goes silent** In fact she's way better at programming then me". The whole room the boys mouths were open and one kid actually said noooo. We blew those kids minds. Most quiet day of class we've ever had after that.

Rant && story time

When I was in first grade of high school (age of 15) we had a class of informatics. Nothing unusuall, you say, but this teacher was ummm ... Let's just say special. Most of his classes looked like this:

TEACHER: Ok, class, today we are going to learn/work with <insert a name of a software here>. # And then he sat behind his desk, falling silent for the rest of the lesson. We had to look up the software ourselves, and learn to use it. Or not.

Next lesson, he just said:

TEACHER: Continue your work from the last time.

And on the third lesson of each cycle, there was grading in place. He walked through the class and if he saw you working with the software, you got a 5 (that is A for our western friends), but if you were doing something completely different, you got a 1 (that is F). That just ment that you had to open the program and wave the mouse around while he was looking at your screen, and you got a guaranteed 5.

And then the cycle repeated.

However, this is not the story about the teacher in general, it's a story about one specific event involving him.

Around the beginning of the year (calendar one, not school one; that is middle of the school year) a programming competition took place.

The first stage (school competition), was easy; I got 45 points out of 50 (I was second-best on the whole school, of all years (students from 15 to 20 years of age).

A few weeks later, second stage (national competition) took place. However, when I got to the registration dosk, things got weird.

I patiently waited in line, but when I got to the front, the assistant asked me for year and school.

ME: I come from SCHOOL_NAME and go to first year.
ASSISTANT1: All students who go to SCHOOL_NAME need to go to that separate line.

It seemed strange, but I walked over anyhow. Maybe there was enough students from our school so that new line opened for us.

ME: I go to first year. # I assumed I don't have to tell the name as the line was only for our school.
ASSISTANT2: Ok, but you need to go to that row. *points to the row wherexI just came from* # WTF is going on now?
ME: Ummm, I just came from there, and they told me to come here.
ASSISTANH2: Oh, you go to SCHOOL_NAME?
ME: Yeah
ASSISTANT2: Ok then. What is your name? # Thank Knuth, one mistery less
ME: My name is SELF.NAME
After a short search through the envelopes:
ASSISTANT2: Here you go # Both the fact that my name was completely misspeled and the procedure it took us to finally get to the correct envelope are a story for a different time.

Skip forward some 10 minutes, to the lecture hall where they just told us all the instructions and started to divide us into classrooms

ASSISTANT3:
for CLASSROOM, STUDENT_LIST in STUDENT_DIVISION:
for STUDENT in STUDENT_LIST:
STUDENT.invite(CLASSROOM)

At the end, only a few people, including me, remained.

ASSISTANT3: Is there anyone not from SCHOOL_NAME? # Umm, yeah, WTF is going on now?
Noone replied.
ASSISTANT3: OK, you all, come with me now, we will find you a classroom.

From there on, competition went fine, I came in second, got a new phone as a prize, no complaints.

However, later on, I realized what was the reason for all that weird behaviour.

Signup date for the second part was on LAST_SIGNUP_DATE, which was at least two weeks before the competition, and signups had to be done untill 1600 that day.

Our teacher signed us up at 2200. ON THE FUCKING DAY BEFORE THE COMPETITION. OF COURSE THEY HAD NOTHING PLANNED FOR US, NO ENVELOPES, NO COMPUTERS, NOTHING, IF WE WERE SIGNED UP LESS THAN FUCKING 12 HOURS BEFORE THE COMPETITION INSTEAD OF 2 WEEKS EARLIER. THE ONLY REASON WE GOT TO COMPETE WAS BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T SHOW UP AND WE USED THE PC'S MENT FOR THEM. IF EVERYONE SHOWED UP WE FUCKING COULDN'T COMPETE.

And from that moment on, I always signed myself up for all of the competitions; better safe than sorry.

Last week we had a short seminar at work about 'listening skill.'

In that speaker gave an example how 'natural' leaders speak last in the meetings.

From that day we are having entirely silent meetings.

Now management is planning seminar on 'Speaking Up'

My GF said I look so silent and innocent while working. She has no idea how much I curse the monitor in my head while working.

Print Job A succeeds
Print Job B remains silent
The code differs not

They asked me if I could recommend any video streaming frameworks. I said no, but I could google around a little. I found one, sent it to them with a note that I hadn't used it but it seemed solid.

One afternoon, right before hometime, a month later and the day before go-live, I come in, to emails with _all_ the managers on it, demanding that I assist immediately. They'd finally tried testing it, and they had found an issue. No details.

I email back, asking for the actual issue they'd found - no response. I phone - that developer has now gone on leave for week, there's a new dev who'll help me. I email him, asking for "precise technical details" of what had gone wrong.

He replies, "when you try use it, it literally causes the apocalypse." and goes silent. I check the skies, no visible apocalypse yet.

Based on some keywords they'd mentioned, I google and find a known issue as well as a patch for their version. I email it over to them.

The response? "If I'd known he was just going to Google it, I would have tried that myself."

Never gonna happen:

* Port our API to graphql. Or even make it just vaguely rest-compliant. Or even just vaguely consistent.
* Migrate from mysql to postgres. Or any sane database.
* Switch codebase from PHP to... well, anything else.
* Teach coworkers to not commit passwords, API keys, etc.
* Teach coworkers to write serious commit messages instead of emoji spam
* Get a silent work environment.
* Get my office to serve better snacks than fermented quinoa spinach bars and raw goat milk kale smoothies
* Find an open source IDE with good framework magic support. Jetbrains, I'll give you my left testicle if you join the light side of the force.
* Buy 2x3 equally sized displays. I'm using 6, but they're various sizes/resolutions.
* Master Rust.
* Finish building my house. I completely replaced the roof, but still have to dig out a cellar (to hide my dead coworkers).
* Repair/replace the foundation of my house (I think Rust is easier)
* Get slim and muscular.

Realistically:

* Get a comfortable salary increase, focus more on platform infrastructure, data design, coaching
* Get fat(ter). Eating, sitting, gaming, coding and sleeping are my hobbies after all.
* Save up for the inevitable mental breakdown-induced retirement.

I'm not really one for news, but apparently (a while ago) there was some 12 year old who taught himself to code and made his own apps and whatnot. Girlfriend informed me of this.

Just got told that I'm a useless piece of shit because Im 23 and don't develop apps and I'm not rich like this kid. Fuck man. I develop mostly server side software, and I personally fucking wrote half the shit the company uses. No one really knows, so naturally in the silent developer. Don't much care about that. But fuck, being told I'm useless because a 12 year old has more money than me really made me take one straight to the balls. Now I'm sitting here, moping, downloading android studio, and just going to prove a person wrong. I can fucking code an app, it's not that hard.

Should have just said fuck off, but I don't have the strength and effort to face flying cups anymore.

Android sdk, here I come.

everyone in class was so silent when suddenly one guy pops up and says:

" 'TROJAN' VIRUS? I got it! you know? the trojan horse and shit?"

we all laughed
not because of him just realizing it now

but because we all slapped our faces at the same time, it was kinda funny.

So today I got really triggered when i hear this guy say that coding is cancer. I stand up and instantly the first thing going through my mind is that it's the battle of the nerds. He says he tried ALL of the programing languages out there and they were shit. I asked if he tried C# and he still says coding is cancer even though he has never even heard of any C# syntax. I asked if he used Batch as a started language and he still says it. So I just decided to roast him by saying "did you put .bat at the end of the file when you were saving? Oh wait never mind, I forgot your lazy ass doesn't have the intelligence to understand how to save"
Surprisingly everyone was silent and most likely didn't understand what I had said. So I just left wondering if he even bothered to get a guide on syntax for any of the languages he would have liked.

Young enthusiastic computer science student here. Was quite a long time silent reader of rants and other posts. Love this community. Today my raspberry arrived, looking forward to work with it and I just wanted to share my happiness!

Everytime I tell someone I write scripts and test security of new hardware/software, I get
"oh that's so cool, what's that called?"

"penetration testing"

*Room goes silent and wide-eyed*

OMFG!! I just discover a fucking bug in a library used by thousand of people in scientific community!! 🤩🎉

Started when my program outputting strange result. I was in a huge fight with my supervisor about one of the function from the library. My hunch was telling me that this function is the source of the problem, but he insisted that no such bugs could exist in the library that has been used by thousands of people.

I couldn't reproduce the bug so I just stayed silent at that time,
But now, I finally got the bug showing. Yeah I am gonna shove it to his face next week.✊
I will also let the people who maintain the library know.
Feels so good being able to be a contributor PR to this famous library 😎

The downside is now I can't use this function, I have to implement by own function.

To my coworker who gets notifications 5 times a minute:

PUT YOUR F**KING PHONE ON SILENT, YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

Jeeze, it's like some people have ZERO workplace etiquette 😡😡😡

Fuck a phone that sets its alarm sound level on silent by itself.

I heard this joke a long time ago and I've tried getting laughs ever since. I swear I won't give up trying.

A priest, a surgeon and an engineer are going golfing on a Saturday. The golf club owner says the court is unavailable - on Saturdays the golf course is in use by a group of firemen who lost their eyesight while rescuing golf club members out of the club house a year back. The surgeon exclaims "that's awful! I'll arrange a fundraiser, maybe we can help improve their eyesight." The preacher folds his hands and states "my communion will include them in our prayers." The engineer is silent for a moment, then asks: "Can't they just play at night?"

We have a new record!!!
23 people on silent call, watching one dude work.

What if the g in gif is silent?

Third day at work .. finally got my laptop Yaaay!! now I can code!
Me: Can I have access to the repository?
Co-worker: we don't have one.
Me: Silent!!

Funny story from yesterday at work.
Useful to know for later on, the last sentence of the 'convo' is a sentence from a Dutch movie, it basically translates to 'youre fired, vagina' (we swear with that here but it sounds better in Dutch tbh)

Somehow got to the subject of motorbike lessons:

Colleague (M): so just imagine the motorbike instructor arriving for the first lesson and me doing a wheelie right away 😆
Colleague (B): and then his boss coming around at the same time and seeing that happening
(one of our most silent but always on point colleagues) Colleague (c): je bent ontslagen, kut!

Aaaaaand everyone fucking lost it 😂

HoD in my college is a "22 year experienced C programmer" with a PhD in CS.

One day I went to him and told, it is very hard to work with TurboC, and it isn't needed as we can easily migrate to GCC.

He asked me why was I complaining. No other student has any problem. They have been using it ever since the college started and everyone was "comfortable" with it.

I stood silent. He then went on to say, even JVM was coded in TurboC. I nodded and left the office as i didn't have an argument.

He's the same guy who had earlier said, "printf returns an array of characters printed", so I guess everything works here.

I had an idiot as my boss once. The guy was a principal architect at the time, and thought it would be a good idea to demonstrate his/our project to the entire org in an auditorium. The project inclined turning the User's phone as the entertainment unit in the car. He spoke of all the bells and whistles, about how you can listen to music, watch videos while in the car. A guy expressed his concern about the cost and availability of 3g/4g data in India, our target market. He blatantly dismissed the concern claiming one doesn't use data while watching videos, as you aren't downloading or saving anything. If you save the video offline only then you consume data. I have never seen a group of 200 odd people grow silent that quick. People looking around uncomfortably. And then this ass goes, "My team is sitting back there. Reach out to them if you have any doubts.."

I sunk in my seat as low as I possibly could without falling down

I've been working exclusively from home for over 2 years now. I've been seeing several posts from people talking about adjusting to working from home, so I figured I would compile a list of tips I've learned over the years to help make the adjustment easier for some people.

1) Limit as many distractions as possible. WFH makes it much easier to get distracted. If you have roommates/family members at home, ask them politely to leave you alone while you're working. Make sure the TV is turned off, put your phone on silent, etc.

2) Take regular breaks. I find it easier to accidentally go hours without taking a real break from work. Try working in half hour intervals, and then taking 5-10 minute breaks. Read an article, watch a youtube video, grab some coffee/tea, etc.

3) When you eat lunch, eat it away from your computer. I often find myself eating lunch trying to wrap up fixing a bug, which makes it feel like I never really "took a lunch." Lately I've been trying to step away and do something else completely unrelated to work.

4) Get ready for work like you normally would. It's very easy to wake up, throw on your favorite pair of sweats and sit at the computer with messy hair half awake "ready" to start the day. Instead try doing your normal morning routine before sitting at your computer. It will help your mind and body go into "it's time to work" mode.

5) Keep your work area clean. I find it very difficult to work when my workspace is cluttered. Studies have shown working in a messy place tend to make us less efficient.

6) Keep your work area work related. Try to only have the things you need for work in your workspace. If you're working from your personal computer this can be difficult. I always end up with camera/music equipment left over from the previous night's photo editing/jam sessions. So try to clean off your desk when you're done for the night so it's ready for work in the morning.

7) Prepare for meetings. I have alarms set 10 minutes in advance so I can go from programming mode to meeting mode. During this time I'll go to the bathroom, grab a snack, water, mute all my email notifications, close any non essential programs, get my code ready if I need to present it.

Stuff is hard & stressful right now, but hopefully these tips will make it a bit easier. If anyone else has any good tips please share them.

Without you, the world falls silent. It feels cold and desloate, and there's nothing to fill the void. You've been my faithful companion for many thousands of hours. Your passing pains my heart.

Rest in peace, my friend.

Ever had one of those moments when sites run by cunts (fuck you CNET) autoplays videos at 200% volume?

Use the extension called "Silent Site Sound Blocker" to make sure only whitelisted websites can play sounds.

Fuck yeah!

I was a long time just a silent reader but finally registered me.
So get ready for some hate, mothertruckers 🤙

when you wake up saturday noon just to see your phone having 10 missed calls from the same unrecognized number, dial back and find it to be a mad client,
complaining about some graphic issues on a site you have nothing to do with.

checking the site; there is nothing wrong so you tell him to clear his browser cache.

he gets mad shouting a silly programmer shall not tell him what to do with his computer and its the site, not his browser.

i ask him if there is the same issue with another browser or computer..
he giggles a little then turn silent..

2mins or so later, he says: i'm gonna let your boss know about this then hangs up..

Hello there!

For the last months I only was a silent reader. As I configured my .zshrc, I thought I could combine my first post with the result of my work. Didn't thought, I could invest that much time in something like this...

An architect, a hooker and a programmer were talking one evening, and somehow, the discussion turned to which profession was the oldest."Come on, you guys! Everyone knows mine is the oldest profession," said the hooker."Ah," said the architect, "but before your profession existed, there had to be people, and who was there before people?" "What are you getting at, God?" The hooker asked. 

"And was He not the divine architect of the universe?" The architect asked, looking smug. 

The programmer had been silent, but now he spoke up. "And before God took on himself the role of an architect, what was there?" 

"Darkness and chaos," the hooker said. 

"And who do you think created chaos?" the programmer said.

Back in college.
We had this course in which we gathered in teams and worked the whole semester for another teacher building a product. We had roles, like QA, devs, PM...all the works.
I was PM and during our first presentation of the product to our teacher and the client we showed the work of our first month of work. At the end, our teacher asked our QA, who have been silent the whole project and hadn't answered my mails asking for tests, if he had found any problems. "Oh, yes. The whole site is broken. I can easily break throught it"
The faces of the rest of the group showed a level of surprise that made the teacher ask if he had informed us: "No..."
Our client, another SE teacher, started to laugh and that was that.
It was awful

Saw a silent mouse. No clicking noise.
Ohhh thats pretty cool I guess.
Tested the silent one and normal one.
Liked the normal one because it has clicking noises.

Hello {Project}, my old friend. I've come to debug you again
Because the scope is softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was developing
And the misery that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence...

In restless dreams I debugged alone
Narrow file of cobbled code
‘Neath the halo of a desk lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of git checkin
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand bugs and maybe more
People coding without asking
People coding without listening
People writing code that they never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
{Project} like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the kludgy app they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

<-- Found in my documents, no clue where it's from

This happened today...
Manager: how long this is going to take?
Dev: 3 months
M: cool! 3 weeks then
D: no.. This is quite complicated and most of us are unfamiliar with the topics. It'll take us 2 weeks just to get started
M: drop the unit tests then. Just get the features done in 3 weeks. We have customers waiting
D: that's a bad idea. We'll end up with unstable co..
M: oh we also need to complete documentation, release guide, and this [shitty feature no one care about]
D: but that is even more complex. We don't have enough ti..
M: just copy it from stackoverflow. It'll only take 5 minutes guys

Worst part? This guy is technically sound and understands our pain really well. He is just acting dumb and trying to put the blame on us when the higher management asks

Second worst part? The whole team keeps silent when I try to convince him somehow and starts ranting after he leaves the call

So the CEO tells me our new release needs to be compliant with new guidelines. I say sure, I draft up a few small changes and send them to my PM. He calls an impromptu meeting with the UI team and I explain my changes. They don't like them. They then proceed to draft and redesign a new UI based on these new requirements, I tell them that they are overthinking everything and remind them of the rules of KISS. 45 minutes of me silently waiting and an entire 4x8 whiteboard of designs, I tell them this is an entire redesign and that we will never make our end of the year deadline. PM goes silent for a minute, then responds "yeah I guess your right, let's just implement your original changes"

Story time!

About seven years ago, I was in high school and had friends who kinda rocked with computers. I mean, they knew how to build one, how to make cross tests to find what was wrong with one, which softwares to install to detect viruses, etc. Once, I was with one of these friends, A, when another friend, G, came to us to explain his problem: his computer didn't turn on anymore. He said that he opened the computer, took off the RAM, that let the computer start once, but when he switched off again he wouldn't start anymore.

I was just a silent witness, and A started to ask G how it did happen. "Oh, I was downloading an Allopass generator, when my computer froze."
I smiled.
"But where on hell did you download that? So we can try to find exactly what virus you downloaded! " "Actually", said G, "I was on a streaming site at first, then saw an, then another, and after a dozen sites I found this soft..."
"But", A couldn't believe it, "you don't have antivirus or anything that would have told you not to download it?"
"Oh, it tried, but I reaaaaaally wanted this software. So I shut down it and managed to download it."

I burst in laugh. At the same time I was feeling bad for this poor computer. What amazed me it that not once during the process, G thought it was a bad idea to download an Allopass generator found in an ad that even his antivirus told him it was dangerous.

Nice ending, A took the computer, and managed to make it work again. He even managed to keep important stuff that wasn't destroyed by the virus. G got a little lesson by A, then got yelled at by his parents, because the computer was in fact theirs.

Thanks for reading, and sorry if there's any mistake (grammar, punctuation, etc.), I am on my phone with autocorrect set on french. Have a nice day!

Picture the situation: My ex-boss (still a friend) has a client that wants a web site. He hired me to to the HTML/CSS and a design agency to design the website.

There was a call on Skype today with me, the ex-boss, the client and a designer from the agency.

They kept arguing about how to client would feel on each page, what content should be in each page and only talked among themselfs.

I was dead silent for the last half and hour and suddenly my roomate yells something and the whole Skype call stays silent as I hear "Were you sleeping?" me: "No, I'm good! Don`t worry about it!". They continued talking and I went to get dinner and asked my ex-boss to tell me later what I needed to know in order to finish the job, which he understood and was really cool about it. I don't think they missed me.

Skype calls can be extremely boring.

Past few weeks, I have started to work late night and sleep whole day. I go to office at around 7pm and returns back next day 8-9am. I found it super productive.
But, my manager wasn't happy about it and now, she shifted daily scrum at 1 PM and emailed me to make sure I attend it daily.
Now, I have to fix my sleeping cycle... Nights are so great to work. Silent and nobody around.
Now, from tomorrow, I got a new challenge everyday to make it to scrum daily.

Worst guy I ever worked with was a Bulgarian Web dev that had been flown over to work on a few projects to make deadlines run smoother.

He would get offended if I was ever in another meeting without him and send passive aggressive emails then refuse to contribute.

He would storm off if anyone ever criticised his slow work ethic

He went on other team members desktops without permission, under one instance running a command line ddos that the IPS logged straight away and got that person a stern meeting. The Bulgarian guy said he was using it to "learn".

He would take a camera into restricted areas, take pictures and then argue as to why he couldn't do that when security would stop him.

I squashed a bee on his arm out of reflex, he screamed at me that I'm stupid causing a room of over 500 employees to go silent and stare.

Moral of the story, fk that guy

So, now that companies are used to "WFH", maybe we can agree upon a better office for tech companies?

I do actually think the more "ideal" tech company office wouldn't have to be expensive.

It can be smaller. Any tech company worth it's salt should have discovered in the last few months that it's not just devs who can work from home. Sales, support, management — you really don't need to fight your way through highway traffic or cram yourself into a sweaty subway every day.

There's value in having an office. Not everyone can fit a good workspace in their apartment.

But we could at least center it around:

1. A bunch of small, completely soundproof isolation booths, for those who need a focus space, and can't find a silent spot at home.

2. A social lounge space, a communal living room with couches, a bar, creative relaxing stuff, whiteboards, etc. WFH can become depressing even for the most antisocial employees, chilling on a couch with some coworkers to brainstorm ideas or chat about random tech is valuable for building good relationships with your team.

The "open plan office" with rows of desks and monitors, no matter how luxuriously decorated with vertical gardens and hipster desks from reclaimed wood, can go die a fiery painful death.

I either want to work, or socialize.

Open plan offices (and it's even more dystopian suicide-inducing cousin, the cubicle) are like being unable to choose between fucking and a blowjob, so you end up humping a navel.

Oh, and conference rooms, go fuck yourself as well. I want to be able to minimize your ugly face if you plan to talk about company financial reports for 2 hours.

Reminder to look after yourselves.

Today I found out I've had hypertension and possibly an unruptured aneurysm. Resulting from stress at work and home, overworking and bad diet from having to keep my engery up for work. (over the last around 2-3 years).

Luckly I've moved away from stressful situations now so I'm feeling like I've dodged a rather large bullet!

Look after yourselves guys, take breaks, check your caffeine, sugar and cholesterol intakes and keep active! I reckon the 6 days a week football training saved my life!

hypertension is a silent killer and can cause fatal damage to your organs such as kidneys, lungs, eyes, brain and heart.

Luckly it spotted it early with a blood test and optician visit. I had a hemorrhage in one of my eyes but wasn't until 6 months later GP noticed signs of kidney damage from my blood test it was found!

I should be fine but look after yourselves! You're more important than that deadline!

My wife asked what "Soapy" was on my laptop. She was referring to SoapUI, but told me the U must be silent ;)

I saw an article about being able to set your phone to silent with your Google Home device. "Wow that's cool. Hey Google! Set my phone to silent."

Forgets about it.

This morning I noticed I was getting messages on Snapchat, but not getting any notifications.

"Snapchat is a piece of fucking garbage." (Still a true statement lol)

Half an hour later, I remember I set DND on and never turned it off.

Just here to say that I am a fucking moron.

I'm Stux and thanks for coming to my TED talk.

A couple of months back we were discussing sh with a third party vendor for a very large ass fuck system that another department uses. I had been called into the meeting because the entire I.T department counts on me to at least act as an assessor to the many issues that other departments might have.

the department for which i was working with manages the databases that our institution uses, and in this particular question the DBA (my best friend mind you) was part of the meeting.

Mind you, issues that the third party vendor were having were all fixed by our DBA, and he had documented and mentioned these items to me as I provided assistance to him through the 3 weeks prior to this meetings. Once such case was that we needed a transitioning as well as intermediary system for some processes to happen from one DB to the other and a lot of other technical babble. Well, the DBA used to be an excellent (fuck you) VB developer who recently re-learned the language into .net. He had shown me many of his old programs and even by the limitations of the language they were elegant and fascinating. They really are and ya'll devrant fam know that I ain't one to hate on tech at all.

When the DBA explained how he went around some of the issues by generating programs that could assist him, he mentioned the tech stack, I had coached him into knowing that being descriptive about the tools he used would be beneficial to everyone else. While he mentioned VB.NET the vendor snickered and my boy got quiet.

Then I broke the silence, fuck you. "what was that?" and the dude said "nothing, sorry"
So I said "no no, I want to know, I am not going past this point until you, the dude getting paid over $100 an hour for something YOU couldn't fix explain to me the little hehe moment you had"

The mfker went silent. then explained how he was aware that people were moving past vb.net and shit like that, me "imagine that, someone used a tech stack that your ignorance thought obsolete to fix something you could not solve, even though we are paying you for it, were it me or in my hands, and mind you i have direct access to the VP so this foolishness might change, I would have cut you and your little sect loose months ago, I have no patience, or appreciation from leeches like you or the rest of the "professionals" that work for your company or other similar entities, much less, as you can see, my patience runs even less when you people snicker at the solutions that our staff has to take when you all slack"

The entire meeting was uncomfortable as high heaven.

Fuck you, if someone I know manages to run shit on fucking liberty basic then so fucking be it. I will slap you 10 fucking times over, and then fuck your girl, if you try to put someone else down for the tech stacks you use.

I hate neck beards, BUT I hate fake ass neckbeards ever more

*Colin Farrell in true detective mode: FUCK....YOU

A silent, convincing murderous stare when "there are sudden new requirements for tomorrow get to it chop-chop" goes a long way

But only in small companies or start ups where they know it's in their best interests not to aggravate their only webdev too much.

So...Worked my butt off to have a website developed by a certain date client and I agreed on. Finished the site 3 weeks ago and sent dev link. Client has been completely silent; unreachable by email (I sent 5 in past 3 weeks) and phone (left 2 voicemails and a message with his receptionist today). In ALL five emails I told him I needed the email addresses he wants used to route his sales leads to...Got nada.

So today I seen that the lead forms have been tested on the website. Dude can't get back to me for 3 effing weeks, BUT can test his lead forms.. You know, without the lead email addresses that i asked for 5x. Ugh, idiot!!!

Should’ve posted this after it happened, but it requires a bit of background anyway.

There’s this guy that oversees our OpenStack environment. My team often make jokes and groan about him in private because he’s so overbearing. A few months back, he had to take us to our data center to show us our new racks, and he kept saying stupid stuff like “you break this and it costs me $30,000” as if he owns everything. He’s just... one of THOSE people. Always speaks in such a condescending way. We make jokes that he is our “best friend”.

Our company is shifting most of our products to the cloud in response to the coronavirus (trying to make it an opportunity for “innovation”). This has involved some structural and responsibility changes in our department, and long story short, I’m now heading the OpenStack environment alongside other projects.

This means going through grueling 1-on-1 meetings with our “best friend”. It’s not too bad, I can be pretty patient with people, so I didn’t mind too much at first. Then a few things happened.

1. He sent a shared folder that he owned containing info related to the environments. Several documents were outdated and incomplete, so I downloaded them, corrected them, and then uploaded the documents to my teams file share, as I was supposed to since we now own the projects.

2. Several files were missing, and when I asked about them, he said “Oh, did you refresh the browser?”. I told him no, that I downloaded them locally and republished them to my teams server, because he was supposed to hand everything off to us at once. He says “Well, silly, how are you going to get updates if you’re looking at them locally?” and kind of chuckles at me like I’m stupid.

3. He insists on training me how to remote into one of the servers to check on cluster space, which in itself is fine. I understand others wanting to make sure things will be done right by the people who come after them. But he tells me to download SuperPutty. I tell him, “oh no, that’s alright. I don’t need putty”. He says “oh cool, what tool do you use for ssh?”. I answer him “Just Git. If I want to I can use a CentOs bash terminal too, because we have WSL installed”. He responds “You can’t ssh through Git”.
I was actually a little shocked. I didn’t know if he was serious or not so I was silent for a few seconds before hesitantly saying “yes you can”. He says “this is news to me” and I so I tell him “every single one of our build jobs fetches code from Git with ssh” and he seemed genuinely shocked and surprised by that.... so then it occurs to me to show him that you can ssh in Powershell and that REALLY blew his mind. He would not shut up about it for several minutes. I was amused until it just got annoying.

Needless to say, my team had been previously teasing me about having to work with him, so they found it hilarious when I told them afterwards.

"I want visibility in the sprint", "Information for everyone! When you do even a small refactoring, you should add a card to the sprint, clear?"
Those were the words of the product manager.

That sounds reasonable but when there is a bug to investigate, he just pops to the chat channel throw a request with a bit of information and asks to check/fix that.

So to keep my sanity, I asked him to create a ticket with relevant information and additional observations so we can have visibility as he was advocating for it ;)

It felt just good to see him going silent :D

FFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK

For god fucking sake, PulseAudio, write a usable fucking documentation for your library and remove idiotic silent exit(1) calls and properly log what the fucking issue was

I'm tired of debugging this piece of bull shit for over a month now already while the pulse library occasionally crashes for no apparent reason

!dev && rant

There's one thing that you really shouldn't say to someone who's in crutches, no matter how much your reflexes tell you to. "Are you okay?"
Especially when they're going somewhere, and you can't or don't want to help them do so.

Imagine for a second, you yourself are in crutches and have been limping on one leg for a couple 100 meters to go to where you have to, shopping for food so you don't starve. And then, after those couple hundreds of meters, of course that leg that's been doing double duty for that whole period and took unusually big impacts from jumping up and down onto the ground compared to just walking, you can imagine that it is screaming in agony.

Now imagine someone who comes your way, makes the leg that more than anything wants to sit down somewhere and rest, pause the act of going the way to the beloved place to sit and rest and instead make it take even longer, that person asks you "are you okay?"

OF COURSE I'M OKAY, THAT'S WHY I'M IN FUCKING CRUTCHES!! OF COURSE I'M OKAY, GREAT OBSERVATION SHERLOCK!!!

It's like saying to someone who's so introvert that they haven't opened their mouth even once at a party - likely there because their friends forced them to - "gee, you are silent, aren't you?"

Yes I'm silent, yes I'm introvert!! Why do you point that out? If anything, pretend that I'm not here to begin with!!! Stating that only makes for embarrassment!

Or going back to the leg thing.. this ground my gears more than anything. Every few dozen meters I went and rested on my crutches for a bit, and every hundred or so meters I sat down at whatever I could sit on. And people fucking look judgmentally at you for that apparently. "Look at this guy in crutches, he's sitting down!"

Yeah mate, try limping on one leg for a couple hundred meters and I'll run after you with a whip, looking at you judgmentally every time you even want to *think* about sitting down to rest. Let's see how that goes?

Or rather you fucking judgmental twat, I bet you fat fucking cunt can't even run on 2 legs for a couple hundred meters straight. But let's judge others who are doing such a running exercise for every step they take for wanting to sit and rest, shall we?

No wonder that there's mass shootings every now and then. Such people can make anyone feel fucking murderous!!!

Swear to god, I'm worse than a cat.. my fascination & curiosity will get me killed someday.. o.O

12:19 - Magnitude 6,4 earthquake 3 km from Petrinja, Croatia..

Felt it in Ljubljana..and my stupid ass was fascinated.. :/

Yup, you read it right, not scared or whatever the hell should people feel when earthquake happens..just fascinated..and curios...and in full analysis mode..

Oh tremors?! Yup, something's definitely shaking.. Eartquake? Yup, earthquake! Woow, huge earthquake.. Where is epicenter?! Also long one.. nice, never felt it like this before.. hm.. x, should we go out? How?! I know an elevator is a no go, stairs also do not look promising..better stay in I guess.. hm..still going...feels weird.. Ok, look for shelter I guess.. wow..that's a long one.. ok, doorways should be safe-ish?! Where's x? He went silent..go check up on x.. x is fine, he's not stupid like me, and unlike me also has preservation instinct to not stand under the doorway that has glass components in it.. DumbAss.. Shaking stops... Well that was weird..also I didn't have time to analyze everything..or record it! Stoopid! How did I not think of this before?! Recording would be awesome!! shame..

I know panic doesn't help anyone, but FFS, sometimes I do wish my head would panic at least for a second instead of trying to analyze everything..

I mean, WTF is wrong with me?! Most people would be scared, I just estimated that it's not that dangerous for us and no use/not smart to try to go out of the building so I just took shelter (not a good one, I know now for next time?! o.O what next time?!idiot!!) and started observing.. DumbAss.. :/

Dashing through the snow
Get the fuck out of my way
You are all so slow
and fat, what do you weigh?
HA HA !!
I'll end your caroling
but It won't be a silent night
I've come to terrorize your town
and watch you die tonight
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
I've hijacked Santa's sleigh
Oh what fun it is to ride over bodies every day
HEY !!
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
Bodies will decay
after you're all crushed beneath my motherfucking sleigh
HEY !!

Credits: Insanity Wold

As if my head couldn’t get any bigger... today we had the guys from the static analysis tool come in to show us how to use the tool and all that... the guys tell us don’t be alarmed, everyone who runs the tool for the first time has thousands and thousands of errors... my co worker did his as a “demo” and had 44 thousand MISRA errors. And a McCabe Complexity score of 700 in main().. I laughed ... and he and the guys from the tool laughed and said well fine then let’s see yours... so they set mine up to run, the room was silent, as I just smiled... only 2 MISRA mandatory errors.. and a few dozen required MISRA errors. My main McCabe score was 13.... understand both software project are working, and do very similar functions, only difference is different generation of product and who programmed it...

My boss walked in the room ... and says sooo how bad was Chris’ code as a joke... and the static analysis tool guys (who literally check people’s code for a living!) says ugh no sir, you have a very talented software engineer on your hands... we’ve never seen someone run the tool and have that few of issues... my co worker was very jealous to say the least...

"CTO" here.
Two week ago the CEO informs me that the "investor" want to put me in contact urgently with an external software house to help me with my "bottlenecks".
The investor goes immediately on holiday, so it's not available for explanations. The CEO doesn't know much.

Today I meet the software house CTO and CEO.
They tell me that I should do a transfer of knowledge with them. That they will respect my requirements, my schedule and that they want to help me.

During the meeting the business consultant explains "his" vision. Some new development nobody understand. Not even the CEO. The other cofounder is probably in disagreement but stay silent.

I agree to cooperate with them in due time and with due scope and planning.

It appears they already signed a contract with the investor. The investor is offering to us 40 days of a senior developer, for "free".
The CEO doesn't even know the economical details of the contract and he is surprised that has been signed.He also didn't know that a person will come over for 40 (?) days and that we will have to pay the transfer expenses.

I try to be friendly. I explain to them the issues I need to solve. I say specifically that I need help on certain tasks and that my wish is that nothing "new" will start until we fix some obvious problems.

After leaving, in the evening I receive an email from the software house guy, telling me that next week I MUST allocate a slot for technical transfer and the 2 weeks after for on site training. Like that. He also mention we "agreed" on that which is false. We agreed on me deciding the timing.

We are only 2 developers, at the moment and the other one will be on holiday next week, so I'm trying to get from him a lot of things I don't know because I don't know everything.

I'm not even sure I'll be able to explain how to prepare all the environment.
Worst thing is that I don't know what will be the scope of the project.

I really don't know how to behave.
I wrote back setting my conditions. I have holiday too. I have to prepare "documentation", explanation, etc.

I don't want the "senior dev" coming when I'm not present.
Maybe I was too weak answering and I should have started a fight immediately. Because he actually AGREED to let me decide and after that he set conditions on me immediately.

I don't know.
My stomach is burning, I had a very bad digestion with fever and headache, feel like puking, plus I spent several evening hours fixing the fucking Linux kernel bug.

I want to survive. I don't want to let them oust me in this stupid way. I want to fight.
I know that if I will explode, scream or whatever I will be at fault and I'll accelerate my demise.
When I try to be "diplomatic" actually I end up being weak.
When I try to be assertive I'm in fact rude and hysterical.
I can't think anything else.

This is what burnout looks like.

Company calling for support. Printer in machine room makes unusual noises. There are 5 loud 90 dB machine roads forming metal. And the first thing they hear through the hearing protection is....... a printer making silent squeaky noises...

- booting Linux
- starting Clonezilla
- kernel panic after some time
- WTF, this used to work
- look at sensor values
- CPU is really hot
- CPU fan doesn't work
- BIOS warning disabled because the lowest regular fan level is 0 RPM

Luckily, I still had some cheap 120mm fan which is a bit louder, but works. What's astonishing is that in normal operation, i.e. without full load, the case fans alone provided enough air stream for the CPU cooler.

Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔

My fellow dev (a younger guy) and I have been having a lot of disagreements with the lead dev (obviously a more experienced, older guy).
We can have arguments with him all day long, to explain and convince him that he's not that right, or not right at all.
Or we can keep silent and wait for shit to happen.
I'm already applying the stfu strategy myself... Because the other way round is exhausting.
At the same time, naturally, I'm looking for opportunities somewhere else. And, naturally, in those job ads, they state "X years of experience".
This further sets me off.
I'm sick of having an argument shut down because someone has X more years of experience, at a higher position, thinks he is better.
I am starting to hate people who boasts his years of experience instead of having the real knowledge and skills to create value.

Stupid piece of legacy shit needing to silent print without the dialogs in IE on windows 10.

this is proving to be a thing of nightmares.

this has worked for years but no windows need to block this “for security”

windows and security - i would laugh but this is going to keep me awake at night.

Qin Chen, a 38 year old facebook employee, recently committed suicide and facebook is trying really hard to hide this.

Apparently he was too stressed out at work and was trying hard to steer things his way, he almost succeeded, but then his manager backstabbed him and left him helpless.

Instead of promoting a better work culture and taking steps against such malpractices at workplace, facebook is trying to hide this incident.

Facebook has to realize that them behaving this way not only insults the departed and his family, but also raises a question that is the life of any of their current employees of any value to facebook, or do they just look at them like workforce and not humans?

Let us not be silent. It was Chen yesterday, it could be any one of us tomorrow.

Ok I completely lost it... Been in a prod issue all week and basically just said the root cause is bc this team is blind....

Use the forest and trees analogy first but they still didn't seem to see it so I sent them this.

And then the chat went silent....

Kindly Uninstall me or I'll do it myself!!! 😤

My setup: AMD Phenom-2 1100T with fat cooler for silent PC, 16 GB ECC RAM, AMD Radeon HD-6850 passively cooled, WD Blue 1 TB HDD. One 22 inch monitor with 1650 x 1050.
The mouse is a bit broken because the click switch under the mouse wheel doesn't work anymore. The empty bottle in front of the PC is necessary for lying on the room light switch, or else it won't work. And the black/yellow tape is a fix for the worn out seat cover.
But the best, under the monitor, is the little green troll that serves as rubber duck.

tl : "hey dotenv, we have a presentation with VP tomorrow, do you want to present any of your achievements in product?"

me: "umm, what achievements ?"

tl : "you know, something that you added in app which made a good impact to various metrics like DAU, MAU, less bad reviews etc"

me: "umm... i coded the tasks and features created by you folks. they got shipped at some point of your liking, and are now being tracked by you for its success failure. So i am not sure what to take credit for"

TL: "no, no.. i mean like any bugs or issues that you fixed outside of your daily jira tasks which you tracked to be a sucess"

me: "well as far as tracking is concerned, then neither i know how to track them nor i did. but yea, i identified a bug where an outdated payload was generating bad request and giving a silent failure instead of success which recently got shipped. maybe its helping users get actual response instead of "we will get back to you in some time" , so this might get considered?

TL : "oh that? that we have already added as one of the team's achievements (=PM+TL's achievement) and have tracked it to be a succes"

me : "what th- okay. then how about that api failure which was identified by AVP as "something is not right" in which the api was intermittently taking a long time to respond. he tagged me and i set up logs to identify which type of users got that issue and the actual cause of that api failure. that was definitely a good fox for app as we ended up with good reviews on playstore for our new release?"

TL : "oh that? how can you take credit for that fix? it was identified by AVP, you just added similar logs that we were using for tracking errors and implemented a fix when it came to you as a sprint task? its a team achievement"

me : "but you guys didn't identified the cause through your logs!? my log was more granular. and even if that's the case, we aren't allowed to pick any task just as is, without getting it added to sprint , right?"

TL : "nah, that was a team win"

*6 months later, during appraisal time"
TL : "Hey dotenv, you haven't displayed any leadership skills and haven't gone put of the box to improve the product. Here's your peanut appraisal 🗑️"

me : 🥲🔫🤯🪦

------------

fuck this stupid neaurocrst structure. i hate being a selfish prick than a team player, but either give credits as well as punishment to the team or gove credits as well as punishment to the single person. but wtf is thos culture of giving reward to team and punishment to individual? fckin communists

------

There is this client who responds to my project emails instantly but goes radio silent when a payment email is sent.

Today, Linux kernel 5.8 was released, here is how it runs on my new laptop.

- Realtek shit ethernet still doesn't work (no, I didn't return it, because I would have to buy at least 2 times as expensive docking station instead and it is just not worth it), but considering Realtek, it is probably not a Linux kernel issue
- Battery life while watching videos was improved pretty significantly from 6.5 hours to about 7.3 hours (1080p HEVC)
- All temperature sensors are now working correctly
- Fan is a little more silent overall, probably because of some power draw improvements
- Subjectively, the system is a little bit more responsive overall

Soooooo had 2 phone screenings with 2 different recruiters.

So all was going well with the first call until she asks me about certain technology, and I'm a little confused as to how she was working it, so I asked, "do you mean....?". And her reply was....,"I don't know, I guess. That's what's written down here." I seriously almost hung up the phone!! 🤣🤣🤣

The second one was worst! This genius had the bright idea to call me from...wait for it....HOME! I mean all I heard was brats in the background and they kept destructing her. She's like ," so how long have u been-- Billy! Get down off that, NOW! Sorry about that." I'm thinking, "what the hell?"(only seconds into the call) She continues, "So what's your favorite lang-I told u to get off that! Hold on..." phone goes silent.... "Hello, I'm so sorry...." Asked me more programing questions few seconds later..."I thought I told you-------" phone drops! At this point I'm trying to hold my laughter in. She gets back on. "Sorry, dropped my phone. Well, I think that's all the questions I had, did you have any for me?" "Really?" I'm thinking. "Nooooope" I say.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was having somewhat of a crappy day, I needed that.

Got my new PC up and running!

CPU: AMD Ryzen 5 3400G (APU)
Cooler: Scythe Mugen 5
Mobo: Asus B450-F Gaming ROG Strix
RAM: Crucial Ballistix 2x16GB
SSD: Samsung 2TB M2 Evo 860
DVD: Plextor PX-891SAF
PSU: Bequiet Straight Power 11 550W
Case: Lancool PC-K58 (10 years old)
Case fans: Bequiet Silentwings 3 140mm (front), Silentwings 2 120mm (back)

The cooler is massively oversized for the CPU, but perfect for a silent PC.

OS: Linux Mint 20 Cinnamon

As much as I loved Win 7, but it's over, and Win 10 just isn't acceptable.

All that hypocrites call that "beauty" competition "Miss Universe" but the media is silent about how they never let ᔮᑯ ᒐᓪᕕᐊᓐᑭ from ᐋᓪᐸ ᑲᓐᑐᕆ and ᚛ᚑᚌᚐᚋ᚜ from ᚛ᚈᚑᚋ ᚄᚉᚑᚈᚈ᚜ to even enter the competition. Speak about equality. Rename it to "Miss Earth" then you racists, smh.

Sometimes I use "KillMe" or "FML" in my debugging strings as a silent cry against whatever-the-fuck has upset me.

What is this behavior WFH?

(Video Call)

Boss: When will you send the report?

He: Have already mailed you

Boss: Your voice is breaking...

He: Have already mailed it

Boss: What? I'm asking when can you send the report?

He: Mailed... Already... Check... Inbox...

Boss: Your voice is breaking... Say that again

He: HAVE... MAILED... ALREADY

Boss: It's not ready ?? Just tell me when can you send it to me...

He: Aghh... NEVER.

Boss: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEVER ????

He: ... *Silent*

Boss: ... *Silent*

He: Boss, can't hear you clearly... Your voice is breaking... ;)

Credits: Rahul Subramanian, Standup Comedian.

Office Ninja!

Today, my PM dropped by in the morning and mentioned she had some customer feedback on some item in a project where I'm the holiday replacement for someone else. I already had work to do, so that kind of interruption wasn't welcome.

"Well yeah, just forward it to me, I'll see what I can do", I told her. She agreed. Half an hour later, still no email from her. Hey, that looked promising!

For the rest of the day, I didn't talk to her, avoided speaking at all when she was near and even sneaked by her room (open doors) in silent mode lest I drew her attention and she might have remembered the email.

Until afternoon when I went home, still no email. Success! :-)

Boss tells me to cleanup prod drives deleting anything older than a year.

So I find a script for that and run it after making sure works.

Told them it's done and freed up 20% but now they've gone silent.... 🤔🤔🤔🤔😥😥😥😥😥😟😟😟😟😟😟😟😟

How is GNOME pronounced?

Is it
Gee-Nome
Guh-Nome
Or Nome (with a silent G)?

I've heard all three

Just when I was about to watch the Downton Abbey clips on YouTube I realize that my Firefox went completely silent without warning.

So the latest Firefox 52.0 decided to drop ALSA and force users to use pulseaudio instead. Otherwise the only way is to recompile the source with the alsa option enabled, or downgrade.

What the actual fuck Mozilla? Who made this decision? What's the reason behind? So far Firefox is the only browser that is having the sound problem.

Nope. not another bloated package. Maybe I should switch over to Chrome.

Every night, after all is silent and peace and calm reigns, I pray to Santa to bring swift death to WordPress.

Me: "Omg, I'm so not sorry you didn't get a response to your 2:00am text sent to my private phone number about that super duper not important thing that a four year old could solve... but my girlfriend gave me a wrist band thingy that puts my phone on silent whenever it thinks I'm sleeping."

Product Owner: "And you can't set it up properly!? Your title says `señor software engineer` for god's sake!"

Me: "Yeah, it does. This is a hardware issue, though."

...is what I told her and she bought it. 🤷‍♂️

Another year is ending,slowly, without much of a hassle.
Here's to all those performers who are still waiting for the phone to ring, to all those students who thought they would be earning by the year end. Here's to that father who couldn't get his dying child to have one meal with him. Here's to that daughter who could not inform her imprisoned father that she has made it to the final. Here's to that 70 year old man who is still waiting for his son to return from the dead, to that 12 year old child whose parents just split up, to that girl who thought winter would be unbearable. Here's to that silent lover who is yet to tell the girl that he exists, to that girl whose new year text to her crush failed to yield more than a blue tick. Here's to that couple who had their child, to that scientist whose data sets are turning out to be promising, to that scholar who made it to the last of the Interview rounds.
Here's to that cancer patient who went into remission.
Here's to that boy who got a Hi message from his crush, to that girl who is getting married.
Here's to all those promises and resolutions. Once again. The ones we couldn't keep,and the ones we kept. Here's to that promise that our GPA shall rise again,that all the incomplete MOOC courses will someday be done.
Here's to the beauty of fantastic beasts, Star Wars, sense8, Westworld and all the films and TV shows that made us happy.
Here's to life that goes on. Uninterrupted. Fearless. Still.
Happy New Year

I swear why is it always the loudly calling people going into the silent coupe while the rest of the train is literally completely empty. How can you be so smooth brained that you can't read the huge ass sign on the window where it says "SILENT". Nothing can make me more angry

Travels to another state, about 6 hours of journey. After finally reaching the office, had to wait another hour for my turn. The interview starts
Q: How long have you been programming?
A: for nearly 2 years, I mainly code in python.
Q: Nice! (Puts a piece of paper infront) explain how the shortest distance between 2 cities is calculated by Google maps using graph theory..
I go blank and stay silent for an awfully long amount of time. Gets rejected.
After coming outside, I ask myself... Why the fuck does a normal tech company need written algorithms on graph theory used by Google maps?

enjoying the silent environment in my office... wait, what's happening right underneath my window?

A connection was looking for a developer in the city my brother-in-law recently moved to (for my sister's career), so I connected them. They exchanged a couple of emails, and he has an on-site interview tomorrow!

He and I are both .Net developers, and I'm older/more experienced, so I offered to rearrange my schedule to help him with some interview prep tonight.

He said no, that he's pretty confident about things, that he'll do some studying and research on his own.

Good for him and his confidence, but I'm kinda salty that he didn't take me up on my offer. I'm pretty damn clever. How dare someone reject my offer for assistance?? I hope the interview goes well of course but if it doesn't I'm very much going to feel some silent "I told you so!"

Today I was debugging some shitty code left by unknown developer whos linkedin account is dead and phone number left in contact card calls local pizza house.

I knew it qould be hard so i've made myself comfortable, gathered 5 redbulls and other items that diabetes people would kill for eating again.

After around 10 minutes i was already frustrated but i kept the pace. "Who is the best, little devie, you!" - I fooled my ego to keep up and shut up.

After around 10 next minutes my attention span has ended. Limbic system started injecting some hormones into my brain, but I remained silent.

First two energy shots were applied. I felt like hero again. Two minutes after I was debugging through some library that was written fo java and found out that it ahots some natives to a c lang lib called "mypreciouslib".

Oh flock, how can i debug it if ita compiled , I cannot do such things, Me be only junior dev. I started swearing, but silently.

Started ollydbg to see what is inside livrary, i searched through but i couldnt match anything it was like mess stirred with fecals of an elephant.

So I opened aida pro " with vitamins" cause obviously, our pm says "but you write in java right " so we dont need those tools right ? Fuck no.

Aida was better at least i could find some funcions calls, but hey, the progress. I was swearing out loud, with earplugs in. And by the time I've sweared all the things in company i got a reminder.

"Hey -insane- stop swearing, the children are here."-sayys pm, it is some kind of " family and work " shitfuck day.

So i asked them: " why wouldnt you buy this fucking tools for programmming for us , you wouldnt have to hear me fucking swearing" . then i realized that , colleagues in room heard all of it, and one of them, total fuckface buttlicker(dev without bit of knowledge) started something like "you are wrong, see how good our software is sellling". Pm was like smiling like he thanked him for buttlicking again. Not to mention he is officially retarded and i know his password to all our services cause he is so smart to put it into text file and then have sharing files in windows turned on.

The other one told aloud, that we would be much better with some debugging tools that are better than fucking eclipse if we have to work without code.

PM told us that he will arrange a meeting. At that point I didnt care any longer. I just fired myself, fuck them.

Please saint Stallman give me hope and joy of programming from my teenage years. Uhhh..

rant = Rant.STORY_TIME

<<<Story
This is still something funny me and my friends often remember.

There was once upon a time we were young and stupid, playing on the internet with fake credit card numbers, sometimes we had luck and the orders passed.

We were on the living room, checking who could put an order for a coffee machine, while another friend of mine was talking about the deep web and what he found there.

Suddenly, someone knocks really hard on the door... We went silent...
Me: "Who's there?"
Voice: Federal Police, open up!

Me: *shiiiit*

I went blank, close my laptop as fast as possible, I thought of throwing it away through the window. My friends panicked, I had my laptop upside down, opening the lid to remove the HDD.

One of my friends stood up and went to the door, looked through the eyehole.

Friend: *whispering* The eyehole's covered!

We quickly stood up and looked at each other, like we were acknowledging our wrong doing and getting ready to face the consequences.

I took a deep breath and put the key in the door to open it. Sudden heavy knock again. I jumped and yelled "I'm on it, wait a minute!".

Slowly I opened the door... And there they were, another two of my friends.

F1: hey...what, what happened? Why are you so scared.

They stepped in while we told them what we were doing and they laughed their asses off.

We were shit scared, and those two were laughing.
Story;

So, nowadays, I don't even think about doing that kind of stuff again and I'm hoping to make a Master's degree in security...or electronics, whatever happens first.

Crazy day full of challenges. Listening to dramatic music. 7 mins before end of day solve massive problem. Stand up and throw arms in air with a cheer! ... I work in an open office of 40 or so people. I got lots of weird looks. Took headphones off office was silent. Aaaaawkward

I’m so fucking pissed off right now ... what the actual fuck!!! I worked so damn hard during this semester i got 70% for a presentation whilst some jack off who gets 100 fucking hundred percent doing it last minute by MY FUCKING HELP and also has the nerve to tell me to stay silent while he enjoys his Fucking undeserved HD (high distinction)

Well guess fucking what???? I’m not staying damn silent !!!! I’ll definitely be watching out for who I help in the near future, 😡 1AM i should be sound asleep but im legit so bloody pissed right now...I put my heart into my project stayed up late nights till 2 bloody fooking AM many times in a row, put my heart into my FREAKING presentation and i get stabbed in the back?!? Well thats how i feel right now.. i dont know how i will sleep tonight.. what PISSES ME OFF THE MOST IS HOW SOMEONE HAS THE NERVE TO TELL ME TO BE QUITE SO THEY ENJOY THEIR UNDERSERVED MARKS!!!

anyways guys and gals.. i had to get that off my chest. Thank you for taking the time to read my rant.. as always wishing you all the best.

Milo

*Gets a call*
*Gets phone out of pocket, phone goes silent*
*Checks who called... PM*
*Calls back PM*
*No answer*

Pm comes in 2 minutes later, I asked her why she called me and said:

"Oh I didn't manage to use my badge to enter the building, I was calling you but suddenly the badge worked"

FG_FGDFDLFMVDLöGPçT"*R"*¨23r*WMLSC;S

There was this place somewhere in the ocean called “United Paper Island”, a bit like paper towns, but a real one. You could only get there via a private jet or a ship that came only like every three months or something. the island was small and… eerie. There was a large bus stop-looking hub in the middle of the island, and it also had streets/housing, but things looked off. Some streets resembled well-known places like Fifth Avenue or Champs-Élysées, but not quite. Everything was half abandoned, and felt like Half-Life 2 maps. A small town that was just a bit too silent. The plot was that we moved there temporarily, and I went for a walk trying to convince ppl that it was okay, it was fine, just a regular place. But I had a gut feeling it was not okay at all.

Then my stupid brain decided to imagine what it would feel like to be buried alive on this island, specifically waking up inside the coffin underground. Then I felt like I was suffocating, and I finally woke up.

First thing I did was immediately grabbing my laptop, opening google maps and trying to find this island. “Paper Island” and “United Paper Island” yielded nothing, obviously. But I _knew_ the location.

As I was scrolling around the map, it felt like that knowledge was being erased. I felt that. Just like someone connected to my brain, selected certain files and hit “delete”. After 20 seconds, it was over.

Now I don’t know where this island is.

Developers who don’t use silent switches on their installers have a special place in Hell reserved for them!

The more I'm on here the more I remember all the shit I have had to deal with in the past.

Anyway, lets rant! I just moved cities after college to be closer to my family, I didnt have any work lined up at that stage but started job hunting the moment I was settled in, I did some freelance for smaller companies to stay afloat.

Eventually I got a job at this agency startup where "SEO" was there main focus, still very inexperienced they put me on frontend and data capturing but will teach me how to code using their systems in due time. At this stage I was getting paid minimum wage, but I was doing minimum work and it wasnt that bad.

A new investor bought 49% of the company and immediately moved into the office space to focus more on marketing (He was one of those scaly marketing guys that will sell you babies if he could get his hands on enough to make a profit).

This is where everything starts going to shit. He hires a bunch of "SEO Gurus", fills up the small office with people like sardines squished together. Development was still our main money maker at this stage, so there where 3 new more senior developers at this stage and I started learning a lot really fast.

Here are some of the issues we had to deal with:

1. Incentives - Great more money, haha! No, No, you where 5 minutes late so you only get half of the promised amount.

2. For every minute you are late we will deduct it from you paycheck (Did I mention I was getting paid minimum wage).

3. If you take a smoke break we will dock it from your pay.

4. Free gym membership to the gym downstairs, but you can only go once a week during your lunch.

5. No pay raises if you cant prove your worth on paper.

He on purposely made up shitty rules and regulations to keep us down and make as much profit as he could.

Here are some shitty stuff he has done:

1. We arent getting a 13th check this year because the company didnt make a big profit - while standing next to his brand new BMW.

2. Made changes over FTP on clients work because we where too slow to get to it, than blames me for it because its broken the next day and wants to give me a written warning for not resolving the issue Immediately. They went as far as wanting to fire me for this, gave me 1 day notice for meeting and that I can bring a lawyer to represent me (1 day notice is illegal, you need 5 days where I am from), so I brought a lawyer since my mom was a lawyer. They freaked the fuck out and started harassing me about this a week later.

3. Would have meetings all the time about how much money the company is making, but wont be raising our pay since no one has proven they are worth it yet.

4. Would full on yell at employees infront of the entire office if they accidentally made an mistake on a clients project.

One one occasion I took a week off for holiday, my coworker contacted me to ask a question and I answered that I will handle it when I am back the following week. Withing 2 hours my other boss phones me in a rage, "he is coming to fetch the company laptop from my house in 5 minutes, he will let me know when he arrives. Gives me no time to talk at all and hangs up - I have figured out what has happened by now so when he showed up he has this long speech about abandonment, and trust and loyalty to the company. So I pass him my laptop once he shut up and said: "You do know I am on holiday leave which you approved, right?", he goes even more silent and passes me back my laptop without saying anything, and drives off.

While the above was happening Douche manager back at the office has a rage as well and calls the whole office (25 people) to a meeting talking about how I abandoned the company and how disgraceful that is.

Those are the shitty experiences I can remember, there where many more like this. All of the above eventually led to me going into a deep depression and having panic attacks weekly, from being overworked or scared to step out of line. Its also the reason I almost stopped coding forever at that stage. I worked there for 2.5 years with the abuse.

I left 2 weeks after the last shit show, I am ok now and have my anxiety and depression well under control if not almost gone completely.

Ran into Douche Manager a few months ago after 9 years, the company got bought out and the first person they fired was him. LOL! He now has his own agency and is looking for Developers (They are hard to find he says), little does he know I spread his name far and wide to all and every Dev I knew and didnt know to avoid working for him at all costs. Seems like word of mouth still works in this digital age.

Thanks for reading this far!

The 's' is silent in fastfood.

when you notice everyone in the room stopped programming because your silent fart 5min ago wasnt so innocent.

A medical doctor, a lawyer and a programmer debate whether it's best to have a wife or a girlfriend.

"Easy", the lawyer starts, "a girlfriend comes without any legal obligation, you can have a lot of fun together but when you get enough of her, you can just leave her without any trouble"

The physician objects: "That can only come from a man who never truly loved a woman. Your wife is not just someone who you have fun with, she is you bastion of calm, your ever-loyal partner, the completition yourself. Clearly, having a wife is better"

Both now look at the programmer who remained silent throughout the debate.

He cleans his throat and than says: "Both. You need both. You can tell you wife you're with your girlfriend and you can tell your girlfriend you are with your wife. And then, you can finally code in peace.

!rant

Anyone else who can't focus while listening to music? I can't grasp how that's not annoying to people.

The sound of silence.
For real, the best coding flows happen then.

If there is something that I can hear and process, my train of thought behaves like a dream behaves when you wake up in the morning.

Even worse are children, humming, whistling or munching as the ONLY sound in that silence, Im scorching inside when that happens.

If I can't be somewhere silent (preferably completely), I block the distractions with binaural beats and/or sound of rain.

Headphones, phone in silent mode, my algos and data structures drawn on a sheet of paper, and a rubber duck by my side.

A message to designers and developers:

please please please stop being so touchy about your designs/software. The final work is meant to be used/enjoyed by end users, customers, clients, young people, old people, disabled people, short attention span people, irrational people, patient people etc. So if they say it's not good enough accept it go back and make it simpler (not necessarily better but simpler) and move on!!

Stop going into defence mode and start throwing your toys out the pram or giving people the silent treatment.

Sorry just been on the receiving end and boy is childish.

What do you consider “silent, but toxic” signs in a work environment when starting a new job?

Late at night. Phone set on silent and a lot of Club Mate

It's algorithm or algorithm? Or the "rithm" is silent?

Damn macOS why is there no soundmixer? I can choose: all silent (music and sounds of the app im working on) or not. Why cant i set volunes for differend Programms?

Hear differend

Yesterday was the first time I worked at the office during weekend.. Was really silent which was nice!

So me and some colleagues joined a hackathon. We already agreed on our project architecture, UI design, and features to build and showcase. Halfway through development new features kept getting added without my inputs, I said to myself it's ok maybe they're just small insertions. But nope, they kept breaking my CSS and UI design and kept causing merge issues on our repo because, well, no one could seem to agree on the project scope. The last straw was, with a couple of hours left, someone went and added new screens and changed the application flow entirely, which entailed some rather nasty rework of my code to fix. Fuck that, I decided to just stop and let them sort the mess.

When it was our turn to present our project, the fucking cunts assumed I would do all the talking - even if they never sent over the slides they put together. Why the fuck am I going to present something drastically different from the initial, agreed-upon scope? I told them to do it themselves and I remained silent throughout the entire debacle.

Of course, we lost. But I wasn't surprised. The guys who presented kept on contradicting each other and were not unified in their vision. I'm never teaming up with them ever again. Fucking asshole douchebag fucks.

!tech

recently i have been realising that i am utterly lonely. their isn't a group of people in life (apart from my parents) who aren't either paid to be with me (i.e office colleagues) or i am paying to be with them (i.e gym) and its very sad.

i don't have any siblings. the relatives are on sour terms, so no one visit. my parents are mostly loveless and the whole family is just focusing on sustaining than living or enjoying. i recently had some arguments with my friends and now they too are not on talking terms. .

I am a 25 year old, short , somewhat chubby guy in the most boring and safe field with no interesting interests except an average guy stuff ( cars, stocks, tech, career, sports... things that guys usually discuss).

I have been told on face that my vibe isn't interesting and i can honestly accept that . i myself wouldn't want to be with someone like me. if you are girl, then i will probably be talking to you for 30 seconds of joke-cum-fun-cum-serious-cum-caring stuff( i usually have 1-2 lines of witty stuff prepared) before going all silent and boring you the fuck out.

the next convo will be followed by an even dumber sentence but i will try to end it with a geeky joke or reference and a small laugh prompting you to also smile or fake laugh. and if you did that, then i will be desperate to keep you laughing, but my sentences will keep on getting more dumber and boring until you leave and categorise me as the most boring idiot/ "nice guy" you met. ( and meanwhile i am at the mental stage where i love you as the most precious thing of my world and imagining kids and life with you)

I can't care for anyone. I have seen too much parent fights, empty walls, money issues to understand how to care for anyone . my life is focused and sad.

shall i go on giving chocolates to everyyone in office to be popular? shall i ask a random gorl on the stret for her phone number? shall i start strolling in the park and try to talk to people? honestly, if i were a girl and someone does this to me, i would be shit scared and creeped out than falling for that guy.

then how the fuck i land myself into someone who wants to be with me? do i even want someone to be with me? or is loneliness the only thing i want?

i feel pretty okay for the most part of the day in this loneliness, except at some weird times like when am eating a platefu9 of chinese alone in some shop, or at night when i lock the door of a 9x9 large room and realise that i am the only one here.

i was once excited to grow up and do grown-up stuff like drive a car, take a solo tour, goto vaccination in every few days, be adventurous . but that has changed . i did all these things when i had people in my life. i somewhat felt motivated to do those, seeing that there were people who wanted to be with me during/after these things and care about me. now it just feels pointless.

You know the configuration sucks if it's a one file, 10 K lines nginx reverse proxy configuration.

But what really really really sucks....

If the person who wrote it was a google craptastic copy pasta ninja.

For fucks sake, if you don't know what you are doing, just stop.

I've had this in so many rants, it's terrifying how many devs seem to be completely unaware of what they're doing Oo

This time, fuckwad ignored the basic principle of NGINX configuration: set the HTTP version for the proxy.

It's by default HTTP 1.0 - as HTTP 1.1 requires a Host Header _which you must set if not already present_.

The fuckwad had all kinds of scary optimizations enabled. Literally a bukkaka (not a typo) of <way too high value> and <too obscure configuration value that cannot apply here>.

But the most trivial thing, enabling HTTP 1.1 and keepalive. Nope.

Not in it.

It's funny how fast NGINX can be without the bukkaka of configuration values but HTTP keepalive enabled.

*me sits in the silent corner of the plushy pink room with soft walls*

Watching police interrogation videos right now, the channel called “EXPLORE WITH US”. Goddamn, US police/investigator system is _way_ ahead of russia’s. You can remain silent, you can just refuse to testify, and the interrogation will be over, they use REID technique, other tricks to make people talk without resorting to violence. In russia, they either torture you into admission, or straight up put you to jail and that’s it. They don’t want justice, they want to put someone in jail, guilty or not, and call it a day. Case solved, good job guys.

And yes, I realize MKULTRA existed, I realize there is Guantanamo Bay prison where terrible things happen, I realize US system is far from perfect, and accidents happen, there are very bad cops, etc., but in general, US system is a paragon of humanity compared to what happens in russia.

If the US system looks good compared to something, you know that something is truly fucked up.

I turned down another women who was absolutely, 100% flirting with me, because, from what I can gather, she was trying to get out of a relationship with her current boyfriend, a military veteran.

I outright ignored her and then when that failed, I made our work relationship 100% about that, work.
Even though I'm friendly with everyone else.

I'm an absolute shit, aren't I? I feel genuinely bad.
I'm not sure if I did it out of a misplaced sense of honor for a dude who obviously has some ptsd, or because I don't feel like I'm able to connect with anyone anymore.

I feel like I'm alone in this world. Not, like, sexually or anything, but more like I don't want to burden anyone with the shit I'm going through. Like a man on a mission on a sinking ship, and it would be wrong to let anyone else on board.
Like a one-man shit-show, all singing, all dancing, driven to one end, with one purpose. And it'd be wrong to let anyone get attached, or invite anyone else in.

Fuck I got so many irons in the fire. I have an ARG in the works, a full game, a social platform that the code and marketing plan is laid out and I'm saving money for, two more games already planned, plus spending an in-ordinate amount of time with my father and sister and mother as they deal with the loss of my sister, plus volunteering to help the homeless, plus working, plus studying.

I barely sleep.

It's just me. I'm like a cruise missile heading to one destination, to some final destination, I just don't know what. And I don't let anyone in, because then they might see how fucking crazy I am, and how crazy my life is, and how crazy my goals are. Thats not a humblebrag. Thats more of a "wholly shit, I'm so in over my head, I'm fucking drowning" type thing. But I'm not giving up, I'm just going deeper.

And it feels like drowning but somehow I'm okay with it. Like I've passed the crux of loneliness, and settled for going for it all, alone, shooting out of orbit, and saying "fuck it all' to everything and everyone. They say "if you got everything you wanted, everything you wished for, you'd wish you hadn't, which is why god isn't a genie". And lately I've been thinking god doesn't exist, or doesn't care, because he's left it all up to me, and I've fucked it up good and proper, and am on my way to either nothing, or everything I've ever wanted.

Is this what happiness feels like? Or suicide?

I don't know. I mean I really don't. I don't want to die. I think I could stop existing and be okay with it. Having achieved at least a modicum of understanding the universe, at least accomplished something small but meaningful.
Or maybe I'm delusional, driven mad with the full comprehension of human floundering against a meandering existence.

I don't fucking know.

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, so much, that even two weeks feels like a fucking eternity. I don't sleep anymore. When I do, I escape into my dreams, where I can fly, or float, and the people in my dreams tell me I'm living in the matrix and I believe them..in my dreams. Feel it even.

And when I wake up, the feeling persists. Leaves me in wonderland, for hours after waking.

And I have visions, of going homeless, like some buddha, all the time, and then I say "wake up J, you're fucking crazy! You want to go be some couch surfing homeless bum living off other's good graces? get the fuck outa here! While others suffer, schlep it at whatever job they work, day in day out, toil. In this economy? In this inflation? What a dishonest way of thinking. What a dishonest way of dreaming."

And yet I daydream. Because its the only escape there is from all the world has become.

And I bring joy to others, earnestly, vicariously, because its the closest joy I can feel, when I've become numb.

It is this quasi-permanent sense of alienation that permeates my whole world, a sort of invisible force field that separates me from others, even as I reach out to understand them, to comfort them, to smooth the corners off their world, so that they don't become like I have, something not entirely human, but...other.

Often when we meditate, long and hard enough,
at the center that emerges, at the center of ourselves, we find an abyss, a whole universe, devoid of anything, a perfect silence, mirroring back the cosmos, and other people. Observing, silent, irreducible, implacable.

Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. Sometimes I think others don't exist.

Very often I feel like nothing is real. And that I am playing some sort of game. Not like a video game per se, but that there is a bigger pattern, a hidden pattern to it all, just out of reach, and I'm reaching for it but understanding eludes me.

Not that the universe has made me for some special purpose, but merely that the universe observes me specifically, for no special purpose, other than that it can, whatever trivialities may impede or push forward my life.

As if the universe were bored.

That moment in the shower when you realize that in "queue" the u, e, u and e are silent

Fuck it's terrifying when your in the beginnings of starting your own business...

So much shit to do and so much paperwork to file .-.

(Starting a business selling food goods like flavoured salts and oils amongst personal recipes and in a constant state of silent screaming :-3)

Looks like I got dislike-banned as well... eventhough I only used it where appropriate.
I understand that our almighty gods dfox and trogus implemented this to fight bots and mischievous downvote cunts, but why not inform the user affected by it?
I fucking hate these silent bans, just like Twatter and YouTwat do it... you feel like you posted something but in reality it disappears and you're not even aware of it.

Man, nowadays a lot of people behave like bots thus I can't blame The Algorithm™...

Today was nice. All the owners were out on vacation except for one. He took me out to lunch and went home after. Even though the office was silent and free of distraction, I did not work... I watched a webinar and played Hearthstone and ingress. Nationallazyday enjoyed.

So apparently windows configures my stereo headphones as 5.1 headphones by default (which it never did before) thus causing weird bugs in games like witcher 3 where dialogs are super silent and everything else is super noisy. Thank you microsoft, for continuously making things worse.

Phone always on silent. And disable notifications on most apps.
Have been using a Pebble Time for a while and can't even remember the last time my phone has been ringing or beeping.
Sadly Pebble is no more 😧

My five cents. People who actually don’t _know_ anything have a tendency to speak a lot of what they have been doing and are doing and what they are going to do. That is what they do. They talk a lot and can’t wait to get into the next meeting. To talk.

I’ve been at it for 16 years and I can spot this behaviour a mile away.

It’s the silent guys and girls you want! Quiet. And competent. Because, they know they have nothing to prove.

Just came up with something inspired by @librarycomic for use at the very start of every meeting with the customer.

"You have the right to remain silent. Any ridiculous specs or illogical features that you say can and will be laughed at in the back project office room.
Any real questions you ask will be answered to the best of our ability, as long as they don't violate privacy or the law or the internet.
You have the right to be in a hurry or tighten the deadline, but not to expect that it will cost the project any less.
With these rights in mind, let us begin our progress meeting. On to you."

Feel free to fork and contribute! :D

I am amazed at human stupidity.

I always enjoyed the idea of DevOps: to use virtual machines and constant integration in order to avoid errors and free the developers of hard-to-setup environments and somehow-it-works compilations.

I am amazed how [company I used to work for] managed to turn this into a nightmare.

Just imagine: silent forests, the smell of flowers, no developer trust to the point your devs can’t either make docker environments cause reasons nor they can access your actual machines programmatically because they are filthy peasants, forcing them to do everything manually: every deployment will be a frustrating editing process which takes up to an hour, but here lies the trick... it will still have continuous integration... or better: every feature will be deployed as if it was a release.

The true peak of illumination:
Turning a tool into a disease.

Take a sip of tea, manager... you deserve it.

Just thought about this job because I keep being tempted to just start my own company. The more I think about it, the less being employed makes sense, given my end goal.

Worked with a bunch of talented people today. Sat for the most of the day analyzing an incident together. Dividing the different possible issues among us, crunched the data, trying to understand the code and business. Some tricky calculations. Fixed the issue and deployed to all environments.

Getting motivated and talanted people together is key to everything. Nobody was silent and many people said

”I don’t understand”

Which led to even further deep dives. It was great.

JIRA was nowhere to be found.

(Yes, we found two more issues when doing all this work!)

I work remotely for a team that works together in an office, and this morning on the conference call a team member said

"one thing i think we need to do with this is stay on task, because while these things that have been added are cool we don't need to be doing anything not outlined in the MVC requirements"

Okay first of all -- this is a completely foreign technology to this team. It's not like I diddled around adding fancy animations and no function. The problem working in a new technology with an old mindset is assuming that it's going to move linearly from step 1 to step 2. And that drives me fucking insane.

- Progress in paid contracted work is done by staying on task.

- Progress in research isn't done linearly. You have to try shit -- and figure out what doesn't work.

I feel bad because I'll chime in and shoot down ideas with a fucking guided missile because I know the answer and I've done the fucking research -- I'm not a dick about it, but replying with a simple "no that's not possible, because of this or that", the call becomes silent for 30 seconds because I've shattered their understanding of the technology because nobody has taken the time to understand anything about how this thing works!!

So until they either listen to me, ask me, or learn the smallest amount to get on my fucking level, I'll keep progressing -- because whether the old world idealists like it or not -- that's my job.

Progress.

</ rant>

Got 59% on my certification today. I needed 60%.... :(

Worst fight was at a former job. I complained about a senior-level employee who made unprofessional comments about me.

I asked followup questions about a request. I was told the request was correct. Turns out the other employee half read/didn’t read my question because she decided I was trying to cause trouble. When my boss reviewed my work and asked why it looked weird, other employee actually wrote in the JIRA comments “Oh, my apologies. I thought [name] was question the request. [name] changed the wrong thing.” She said the silent part out loud. And the wrong thing she accused me of changing…the website always looked like that and my boss told her so. (Also, not the first time she forgot what the website looked like.) But my boss didn’t make any JIRA comment about the “questioning the request” part.

My boss was really downplaying what had happened. Like other employee just made a mistake. That wasn’t a mistake. He wasn’t going to bring it up with other employee’s boss. It was weird because the incident was a written conversation so it was really hard to deny the facts. I also had the original email notification in case she tried to go back and change her comment. I think my boss either wasn’t used to defending his direct reports or didn’t have the power to do so since most of his department (including me) was slated for layoffs in a few months.

Well, I got the last laugh. A week later, I received an offer. I put in my notice during the company’s busiest time of year. And my boss actually asked me to extend my notice by three weeks. Really?! Expecting me to forgive and forget that whole “questioning the request” incident. I stuck with my original date.

When you accidentally revert (ankhSVN in visual studio) changes in code, and you lose all the code you just wrote. That feeling in the pit of your stomach... And the hot sweat/silent cursing... I fixed it so it's all good :).

The joys of bring a Fullstack developer..

Sometimes beings junior Fullstack developer I find myself in tricky situations.

This past week I was invited to a meeting with all the front-end developers where we were presenting our software when a 500error popped up...( I was day dreaming looking out the window watching two birds hop around)Then I heard one developer ask what the problem was and another quickly replied "backend problem"... Still half asleep and deep in my new found interest in birds I blurted out "maybe the front-end is not sending the request properly".... Immediately the room fell silent... this sent a chill down my spine and I was brought back to reality, I looked round the room and everyone was staring at me like I insulted their mothers... I tried to make a joke of it but saying "Sorry I forgot this was a front-end meeting"... The lead architect who for some reason was also present then said "at least someone sees things differently"... And everyone laughed (although I'm not sure how sincere their laughs were).

The irony that goes along with smooth migrations on production is this.

If the migration is smooth, no one knows how much effort, careful planning and execution went into the whole process. They just get a for your information mail that everything went smooth. No one, not involved in the process would know the scale of things; or what could've happened if the transition/migration was screwed up.

On the other hand if there are problems during the process and the tech team fights back, they indeed are the heroes. No one notices the silent crusaders.

No wonder then that all superheroes just smash stuff. Its only then that people notice that they worked so hard. Silent superheroes remain dead.

Music, but if it has words they need to be foreign. J-rock, deadmau5, gogo penguin, carrion... All are good.
Dark themes everywhere unless it's java, because it helps me compartmentalise my languages.
Second screen hooked up with the stuff I want to be viewable all the time, as it doesn't change when I switch workspaces. (bug or a feauture?)
Door shut to muffle sounds from the rest of the house, window slightly open so I don't suffocate.
Pomodoro timer on, but put phone into silent mode so no notifications disrupt my focus.
Drinks and bathroom breaks happen in the 5 minutes between pomodoro sprints. Food happens in the 15 minute breaks.
Extra RAM stick is in the mail so I lose less time waiting for android studio to exhale or whatever it's doing as it holds up the whole computer.
I might just do the java parts of my project in bluej if this ram stick doesn't alleviate my problems. I could go outside and drink mud through a metre long straw with a filter on the end sooner than android studio gets unstuck.
If anyone can add more sensible ideas I'd be happy :)

Thank god it was silent. I was at school when this happened

Ok let's see. Who tha he'll created this code... Well well let's rewrite it. 8 hours later. OK now it is done. Let's see who to blaim... :@

O no!! it's me :(

I no at all into work desk deco so my desk have cables and more cables only. But some years back boss borrowed me his PSP and I played Silent Hill games there and I really liked it and I told him so. Then my birthday he gave to me this. I think I searched before where this from but I can not find it online. It came also with box when he give to me and Silent Hill soundtrack CD and art books

I gave a rant yesterday about this. But I have to say it again because it's so gratifying. It went like this

Me: "you should patch the module instead of using it for your python unit test."

Them: "You keep telling me this, but maybe there is a better way"

Me: "there is, I'm telling it to you"

Next day, Code review.
Me: "You need to change this"

... silent on the issue ...

On a call...
Me: "You need to patch the module. Don't mess up the namespace."

Them: "I don't think so, X did the work"

(In my head: then what did you do)

Me: "We can grab whoever you like Y, X. Let's see if X is busy"

... X isnt busy, hops on call 45 seconds later.

Me: "we're using the module, we should patch this'

X: Muses the thought for 2-3 seconds.

X: "yeah... Yeah we probably should patch that"

Moral of the story, don't take shit personally unless your right... Then relish in. But if your right and X says otherwise, you can always + a rant.

When entering a one-holer restroom, someone didn't lock the door, and you have already seen more than you wanted to see. What are your options to react?

1. Say "excuse me" and quickly leave.
2. Chew them out loudly as you walk out.
3. Make really loud horse noises and leave.
4. Use the sink.

I have had this happen to me twice at my current work place. Now, when opening the door I have this procedure:

1. Open door a crack to see if the room light is on.
2. If light is on wait a few seconds for audible notification of occupation.
3. If unoccupied continue to enter.

If you are in the one-holer using the restroom and someone tries the door you also have options:

1. Stay silent Dark Brotherhood style.
2. Laugh maniacally really loudly.
3. If door opens scream like a girl.

Which key would, or did you choose?

Cherry MX red, brown, blue, green, clear, black, silent red, silver, or Zealio 67g?

I'm deciding for my custom keyboard. Big decision to make. It's not going to be cheap. Just looking for some feedback.

Turns out my colleagues don't understand how useMemo works. They would try to memoize a value and then, in the dependency array, use an object that gets rebuilt on every rerender.
Good job, guys. I wonder how many silent infinite loops we have because of that shit.

I think I joined the wrong crowd. After the recent Hackathon, I proposed that the team that I was working with, form a company in which we continue building apps, launch and try to profit. Y'know, the whole build fast and die slow kind of thing. Granted, I proposed it late November and we're all gearing up for the holidays. Now its January and everyone has this mindset of "if we don't meet, we don't get anything done" or "discuss face to face only". Guess they don't like the idea of working remotely.

I think I might just quit this venture after a couple of meetings with them before I lose my mind.

I need internet but no phone calls during night, so plane mode is not the it.

*activating the silent mode.
*wake up one hour later at the morning.

oh..

I wrote a parody of Sound of Silence based on the struggles of cleaning up people's shit in the shop

============

Hello problems, my old friends
I've come to talk with you again
Because a driver softly creeping
Left its seeds while RAM was leaking
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of crashing

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow bands of networking
'Neath the halo of a burned-out fan
I turned my collar to the hot and spinning
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of an LED light
That split the night
And touched the sound of crashing

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand tasks, maybe more
Programs malloc with no swap
Programs writing with no space
Programs writing bits that voices never play
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of crashing

"Fools, " said I, "You do not know
Malware, like a plague, it grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my tools that I might help you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells, of crashing

And the programs bowed and prayed
To the malware god they made
And Windows flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And Windows said, "The words of the prophets are written in the event log
And dumped over COM"
And whispered in the sounds of crashing

Whoever made the Crystal Reports language, screw you and your silent syntax errors. Sincerely, guy stuck maintaining reports.

How would you explain SSL, certificates, and CAs to a layman?

I just spent 30mins trying to explain it to them in a chat (related to Mpngo driver configs and the sslValidatrle flag), they sorta went silent on me so not sure if I explained it or understood the roles/purposes correctly...

One example I used was it prevents a man in the middle attack where your connection gets rerouted to another server. If the CA didn't recognize the cert the new server replies with then it rejects it and prevents the attack.

Knock: K is silent

Hour: H is silent

Numb: B is silent

Wrong: W is silent

JavaScript: Java is silent

At the end of an internship we talked to the lead developer of the company to hand over the project and he was thanking us, he was happily surprised with what we delivered etc etc etc.... After that he asked if we were ready to graduate next year, but we were just 2nd year students. After that he was silent for a moment and said ' take what i just said and do that times a few'.

That was an amazing feeling we got from that.

After that he probably ran to the boss asking why he would ever trust 2nd year students with such an important project but that is a rant for another time 😂

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

// Pretty long rant.

Already made some rants some months ago about coding experience in Smalltalk for a school project, but to sum it up :
Because of administrative things, Smalltalk change from option to obligatory course to everyone (we were told that "we had 3 choices out of 3" for options. Not even kidding)

So whole prom got to do a Smalltalk project, a basic shapes editor with Drag'n'Drop and keyboard shortcuts implemented.

But literally everyone didn't get a grasp of the language nor VisualWorks, the IDE. So we got projected in a "Do-it yourself, learn by yourself" project with a language that nobody understood.

Took me 1 week of browsing on Google to find books explaining more than the teacher did. Took me another week to notice that the teacher actually provided VisualWorks's manual. (No one would have noticed if I didn't tell them, and the teacher went silent on it.)

And then the coding started. My teacher thought this project would require something like 20-30 hours of coding. Took me 2 whole months and a half to do moist of the features he asked (only the Keyboard shortcuts weren't implemented, explanation below), and I was the most advanced of whole prom, so I had to answer every single question of fellows. Not complaining, but this took me a lot of time.

But why didn't you ask the teacher ?
- If I ask him every question I had in mind, I would actually harass him since I had too many of them, and I wasn't the only one.
- I actually went twice to his office to ask him question. First question, that was pretty straightforward, I forgot something, blablabla all done. Second time, that was for the keyboard. And then, things are getting even funnier. The teacher didn't have VisualWorks installed on his Mac, so he tried to install it while I was waiting. And he took too long time to actually launch it, because VisualWorks asked for him to log in, to provide an email, the download is a little long thanks to the network and the size, etc. When he finally was able to launch it, I had some classes to attend, so he couldn't answer. And since then, I had no time because last year, flooded with work, exams, classes ,etc.

All of that to have only 13 out of 20. I kinda shrugged, knowing that I wouldn't get more, and said that Smalltalk will only be a line of my resume.

Pretty long rant, sorry about that, but had to explain so you can see how bad it was to me.

I wish the companies understand the value of silent and problem absorbing people who are the people supports the company more than the ones who talks more to the death.

Windows bluetooth audio is nigh unusable.

It is not unrealistic to believe that someone may walk out of range of their bluetooth connection, causing the computer to lose connection with the device. But for Windows, it's as if I had committed an act of negligent malice. I sometimes have to fiddle with my audio settings for a minute or two before I can make it work again.

There is a half second delay before the audio is actually sent to the device if there hasn't been any audio playing for 3-4 seconds, making listening to albums unpleasant. There is no reliable way to turn off bluetooth power saving. The best you can do is play a silent mp3 in the background at all times to trick the OS into treating your bluetooth device like it belongs.

And sometimes bluetooth audio just stutters and cuts out at random until you restart your computer.

Fucking gnome and their stupid fucking alerts. Seemed like an okish desktop, but cosing in vim triggers a metric butt ton of alerts which interrupts my super chill beats. So, ok lets disable them. Oh look there's a toggle.. easy enough. NO because those motherfucking alerts, while now silent, still cut off my music for a couple hundred ms every time they're triggered. Fuck you gnome.