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Client: our app has low ratings, we fired our previous dev company and hiring you instead.
Us: all right, seems like to make a better app we need 5 months.
C: you're kidding, do it in 6 weeks.
U: Ok, but we'll have to drop some features.
C: get rid of X and Y, nobody uses them.
U: deal!
... 6 weeks later...
U: here's the new app: better graphics, easier to use, more stable and more future-proof.
C: Cool! Let's deploy!
... 2 days later...
C: we just released but the users are really pissed off!
U: what do they say?
C: "what the fuck happened with X and Y? they were the only thing we're using! what a load of crap! 1 star"
Dear client, next time get to know better your users...8 -
Speaking of bad dev days, what a week I'll be having.
Lead-dev: I've got some bad news for you.
Me: Client X?
Lead: Client X.
Me: How many pages do I have to change?
Lead: All of them.
Me: On how many of their websites?
Lead: All of them.
Me: All of them?
Lead: All. Of. Them.18 -
Client: the platform isn't sending emails
Dev: I'll look into it
(Finds all emails are being sent without issue)
Client: I just tested and I'm not receiving emails. This is obviously a site wide bug and I'm upping the priority to "Critical". I'm also getting everyone over here involved.
(Looks into clients account)
Dev: you didn't turn the setting on to allow emails to be sent to you.
Client: this is still a site wide bug that is affecting everyone.
(Provides screenshots showing emails are being sent and opened. Client closes ticket and doesn't respond anymore)11 -
[Client]
We've noticed we gave you the wrong product prices for our new online shop.
[Dev]
Yeah, just login to the backend and fix them.
[Client]
But we don't want to use your fancy backend, we'll be using anyway soon - we want EXCEL!
Could you send us an EXCEL, so we can fix that?
How much will this cost?
[Dev]
Sure... here you are.
Not that much, takes about an hour.
[Client]
Great, you'll hear from us in a few days.
(a few months later...)
[Client]
We've finally managed to update the EXCEL. And btw, we've also added a bunch of columns with product pictures and new properties, highlighted products to delete red, inserted some comments with manual instructions and basically destroyed the entire data structure of this table.
Before I forget... also make sure to get this finished today, we have to go live ASAP. Our marketing campaign is already live.
[Dev]
Well, I'm sorry to say this, but this is not possible.
I'm currently working on another project and it will take me hours to clean up the data you sent me, before even starting to build an import tool for the new data you provided. Better stop the campaign and I'll do my best to get this done by the end of the week. Also it may be a bit costly.
(angry client calls immediately...)
(dev transfers to manager...)
(client transfers to client's boss...)
[Manager]
Ok Dev, I think I was able to explain it to them. However, it would be great if you spend day and night to get this thing out ASAP.
[Dev]
No problem...
I'll just do it by hand to get this out immediately.
(few days later; nearly done, exhausted)
[Client]
Hey Dev, here's another EXCEL.
We've just noticed there were a bunch of errors in the previous one. Please use this instead...
13 -
So this happened today.
Client: hey I sent this ticket, what's the status/have you located the issue?
Me: well, it says it quite obviously in the error message...? (i actually said that, toned down afterwards a little)
Client: where's the error message then?
Me: 5th line....? It's literally there in plain english?
Client: ok so what does it mean?
Me:..............? "marked as spam by the receiving server"?!
Client: yeah ok but what does that mean?
😐
Thing to keep in mind: they're a web dev/email solutions company.
😐😩9 -
Me: We should change the http response code to anything but 200 OK in the error response case of our API.
Other dev: No, it's fine.
Me: Why?
Other dev: The client successfully receives an error message.
Me: ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻15 -
Normal app: "DEV I NEED THIS, 1 STAR. WITHOUT THIS IS SHIT"
devrant app: "Guys, I've created a client for desktop computer for devrant, tell me if I can upgrade anymore"
Such beautiful community ♥4 -
[dev vs client]
- What's your screen resolution?
- 100%
- What's your browser?
- I use internet and sometimes Google.6 -
Client asks for redesign to look more like XYZ site.
I deliver a redesign to look more like XYZ site.
Client wants the site to look more like his old site. But different. Gives extensive instructions on how to design his website to his liking.
At some point, I think I'll be owing him money for his design/dev services, not the other way around.
What is it with these people?
5 -
How my birthday is going so far:
1. Dropped coffee on my shirt
2. Client is wondering why we removed a feature that he wants yet asked us to remove a week ago
3. Dev server is no longer working
4. Internet connection is shit
5. My VPN keeps on disconnecting (see #4)
Is this day going to end or what?53 -
First day at new web dev job:
Me: what IDE do you guys use?
Coworker: Notepad/notepad++
M: Okay... Any version control?
C: Oh we don't need it. We just update the server pages.
*Boss walks in*
Boss: Heres the project for you to do just need you to rebrand this web app we made for client A for client B just need to change some scripts. Should only take afew hours.
I take a look. No comments. Not formatted. Missing braces and brackets. Semicolons at odd places and missing at others. 7802 lines of code...16 -
Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!
Dev: You told me to.
Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!
Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.
Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!
Dev: …11 -
So this other senior dev got seriously ill a couple of weeks ago and the project he was working on was assigned to me. His code was so aesthetic, loved his work, the structured code helped me a lot in meeting the deadlines. He returned a few days back and now the company has given him two weeks notice because "his pace is slow". I am frustrated, PM is frustrated. The guy is such a gem that he is still helping with all the new requirements client is throwing at us.8
-
Took yesterday off to sort out a new passport.
Today on the stand:
Manager: "So we've been trying to get app X running on a dev environment for client X but we couldn't expose it to them"
Me: "Well yeah it's a dev environment if you want to give them one give them access to staging"
Manager: "Oh well we're still going to give them access to dev because they asked for it. It's due for 10am but we couldn't get it to run. You have to get it running since we edited the config files"
*accessing dev environment*
half of config files is missing, random files committed to the repo, SSL certs manually edited, eth0 down and found swan vpn installed.
never taking a day off again.
1 -
Client: "We are extremely satisfied with your great work for almost three years now and we are super thrilled to work with you in the future and benefit from your amazing work."
Dev: *makes one tiny little mistake*
Client: "Oh burn in hell you cock sucking piece of shit!"4 -
Dev: So tell me some specs about the app you want.
Client: something like facebook.
Dev: you know facebook has too many features for even having a price tag?
Client: what? Will I pay too? I have the idea.
....6 -
I know I have ranted here before about how I hate this client and the changes they are always making, but today the app was officially launched with a big media presence! I have never felt such kind of joy as a dev before!
7 -
Dev: What do you think of the new version of the app?
Client: It’s great! We just have a couple notes of feedback we are working on compiling. We should have those to you by next week.
*Next week*
Client: We need another week to compile all of this feed back we are generating
*Another week goes by*
Client: Still working on it, it’s going to be a really thorough review when you get it though. No stone will be left unturned!
*2 weeks later*
Client: Here it is!
Attached: A word document with a single line of text “can’t nobody log in” next to a picture of the login screen with a red circle drawn around the login button
Client: Can you hurry up and action our feedback? We want to go live next week
Dev: …9 -
A story of the backend dev. from our client:
"I used !important once now I'm not allowed to do frontend anymore :("17 -
Client: We need these book genres added to the website ASAP!
PM: Hey dev, its priority #1, please add these genres ASAP!
Dev: Okay, can I get a file which needs to be imported?
Client: Oh we will have that in couple of weeks.
Dev: Okay so write me in couple of weeks.
Client: What kind of company is this? Outrageous!!!5 -
Me: *Installs travis*
Dev: oh what's travis?
Me: it's a continuous integration tool I wanna setup.
Dev: ... contin.... ?
Me: continuous integration, a tool that performs builds.
Dev: ah!, is it the new version of that deprecated tool we were using "client access"?
Me: ... no ... that's an authentication service that generates and stores oauth tokens. This is the continuous integration tool I told you about yesterday (and last week and the week before).
Dev: ... contin....
Me: ... con ........ continuous integration. It listens to branches on GitHub, downloads, builds, tests and then deploys the code.
Dev: ah ok ok, cool.
I would bet my monthly fucking salary he can not repeat what I said, tell me what oauth is, or explain what he's working on at the minute.
Jesus at this rate I'd bet my salary he can't tell me my name.7 -
*Client phones me at 11pm*
Client: It's not working!!
Me:What's the error you're getting?
Client: "Database connection error"
*Phones system/dB admin*
DB Admin: Yeah we had to change the SQL logins, I've sent you the new ones
*Phones junior dev in charge of dB programming*
Junior Dev: Yeah you'll just have to go and change the credentials. They're in all the places where we're using the dB, just before the statement, in the connection strings...
We make over 470 calls to the DB 😑16 -
A story about the shittiest boss I ever had.
We were a consulting company, I was leading the dev team. We're on the phone with a client who needs a change to the software we're maintaining for them.
Boss (mouthes at me): How long?
I (hold up 3 fingers, mouth back): 3 days
Boss (to client): You have it by tomorrow. *hangs up*
I: What the actual fuck?
Boss: You said 3 days, 3 times 8h is 24h, better order some pizza and Red Bulls for your guys.
He pulled stunts like this all the time and yet genuinely seemed surprised when I quit.7 -
Client: We need to add a field to the model that serves as a unique identifier
Dev: You already have one, it’s the _id property
Client: We want another! This one is for a task number so we can make a connection between the database record and our ERP.
Dev: Ah I see. I can add that for you. Is this truly a unique identifier or will you be using the same ERP identifier for multiple database records?
Client: I already said it’s a unique identifier. One ERP record to one database record, end of story! To do otherwise would be absolutely ridiculous! You should think for yourself before you ask silly questions.
Dev: My apologies I just want to make sure to clarify exactly what the requirements are.
**6 months later**
Client: HOW COME I CAN’T ASSIGN THE SAME UNIQUE IDENTIFIER TO MULTIPLE DATABASE RECORDS??? CAN’T PROGRAMMERS GET ANYTHING RIGHT EVER??
Dev: …14 -
*In teams meeting with client*
Manager: Yes we can do all of that and it will be actioned very quickly. We will make all of these feature requests top priority. We will set aside everything we are currently working on in order to get this done!
Dev: ...Are you writing any of this down?
Manager: I don't need to, I always remember everything!
Dev: Just so you are aware, I'm not writing anything down. You're going to need to create a ticket with requirements spelled out for each one of these promises you're making otherwise they won't get actioned by the team.
Manager: I know that!
Dev: ...
*Later that day*
Ticket Title: Action client feature requests TOP PRIORITY!!!
Ticket Description: *empty*
Dev: ...13 -
Today I asked my client to do "ctrl+f5" to empty browser cache he literally did "ctrl+f+5" and said "it did nothing"6
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The most pissed off I've been at work?
Client X came to us for a website.
We secretly outsourced the work.
Client X is coming for a visit in 10 mins...
MD to me: "I've told them your lead dev on this. They're not super-technical so if they ask you about the project just tell them it's going well."
Now I'm not a comfortable blagger, I don't have that kind of confidence, so to ask me to lie like this makes me feel really stressed and uncomfortable. Furthermore, I had literally no idea about any aspect of the work we were supposedly doing for this client. I can barely contain my panic but my colleagues help me piece together a basic understanding.
The MD returns: "They're here now. Can you quickly go and check that the toilets are clean."
WHAT THE FUCK!? The little prick. I'd knock him out if wasn't so meek and pathetic. I tell myself that I'm being helpful and nice but in truth I'm just his fucking doormat and he has zero respect for me.
I have no problem cleaning stuff (we all basically tidy up behind us) but this is something he could have done. Furthermore, who cares? None of us leave the loos with piss on the floor and shit smeared across the walls. They're never anything less than client-ready so to ask me to check means that he's already checked them himself and one of the loos is not quite shiny enough.
The reader may feel that this is no big deal (and in some ways you're right) but everything about this scenario was fucked up. The MD had embroiled the whole company in a lie and assumes we're all okay with that, then to add insult just nonchalantly orders me to clean the bogs. The cunt.
FWIW The client didn't ask to talk to me or use the toilet during their visit.8 -
Me: So here's the completed website.
Client: *goes to Google and searches for media agencies india* What the hell is this ? I was told that my name would come on the first page in Google.
Me: Sir, we had quoted to build SEO friendly pages and not for doing SEO.
Client: This is fraud. How the hell could you cheat me by using these technical words. I want my name on the first page in Google.
Me: *types companyname.com in Google* Here Sir, your website is on the first page in Google.
Client: I very well know fraudsters like you. If I wouldn't have checked it then you'd have charged me for this later on. Here's your cheque.
Worst part of being a dev is handling less techy people than you 😫3 -
Here's how a client does "double murder"
-----------------------------
Client to designer: So you can make it run on IE 6,7,8 right?
---------------------------------
Turns to a web Dev who just mastered Node, React, angular: What if user disables JavaScript? It'll still work right?5 -
Dev: * In the middle of pushing to prod *
Manager: Hey btw I forgot to mention the client asked for these 5 features awhile back as a part of this update and they just reminded me about them, I haven’t created tickets yet or told anyone about this. Will these features be included in the update that’s going out today?
Dev: …9 -
Dev: “Ughh..look at this –bleep- code! When I execute the service call, it returns null, but the service received a database error.”
Me: “Yea, that service was written during a time when the mentality was ‘Why return a service error if the client can’t do anything about it?’”
Dev: “I would say that’s a misunderstanding of that philosophy.”
Me: “I would say it’s a perfectly executed example of a deeply flawed philosophy.”
Dev: “No, the service should just return something that tells the client the operation failed.”
Me: “They did. It was supposed to return a valid result, and the developer indicated a null response means the operation failed. How you deal with the null response is up to you.”
Dev: “That is stupid. How am I supposed to know a null response means the operation failed?”
Me: “OK, how did you know the operation failed?”
Dev: “I had to look at the service error logs.”
Me: “Bingo.”
Dev: “This whole service is just a –bleep-ing mess. There are so many things that can go wrong and the only thing the service returns is null when the service raises an exception.”
Me: “OK, what should the service return?”
Dev: ”I don’t know. Error 500 would be nice.”
Me: “Would you know what to do with error 500?”
Dev: ”Yea, I would look at the error log”
Me: “Just like you did when the service returned null?”
<couple of seconds of silence>
Dev: “I don’t know, it’s a –bleep-ing mess.”
Me: “You’re in the code, change it.”
Dev: “Ooohhh no, not me. The whole thing will have to be re-written. It should have been done correctly the first time. If we had time to do code reviews, I would have caught this –bleep- before the service was deployed.”
Me: “Um, you did.”
<a shocked look from Dev>
Dev: “What…no, I’ve never seen this code.”
Me: “I sat next to Chuck when you were telling him he needed to change the service to return null if an exception was raised. I remember you telling him specifically to pop-up an error dialog ‘Service request failed’ to the user when the service returned null.”
Dev: “I don’t remember any of that.”
Me: “Well, Chuck did. He even put it in the check-in comments. See…”
<check in comments stated Dev’s code review and dictated the service return null on exceptions>
Dev: “Hmm…I guess I did. –bleep- are you a –bleep-ing elephant? You –bleep-ing remember everything.”
<what I wanted to say>
No, I don’t remember everything, but I remember all the drive-by <bleep>-ed up coding philosophies you tried to push to the interns and we’re now having all kinds of problems I spend waaaaay too much time fixing.
<what I said, and lied a little bit>
Me: “No, I was helping Nancy last week troubleshoot the client application last week with the pop-up error. Since the service returned a null, she didn’t know where to begin to look for the actual error.”
Dev: “Oh.”1 -
Client: I need this very complex feature
Dev : Ok, give me approx 2 weeks, this is new to me, have to do r&d.
Client: I can't give you 2 weeks, you have 2 days.
Dev: Somehow manages to complete in 2 days.
After few weeks.
Client's representative : What's the progress on the new features?
Dev: You haven't mentioned any new features yet.
Client's representative: I don't care, it's been weeks now, here are more complex features, I need them tomorrow.
😕12 -
Ok, so I don't work yet and so I've never had to deal with any clients but based on the rants i have read this is how stupid I imagine most of them are.
Dev: Hey, would you like a chocolate bar?
Client: Yeah, sure.
Dev: here:
*hands chocolate bar over*
*client holds it in his hands, opens it and eats it*
Client: Tastes great
Dev: Ok, nice. So about the payment of the project...
*Clients face is swollen and he falls to the ground*
Dev: uhh, what are you doing?
Client *coughing*: Were.. were there nuts in the chocolate bar?
Dev: uhmm, yes. didn't you look at it?
Client: why didn't you tell me??!?!?!? I am allergic to nuts!!
Dev: uhh, I didn't know that. But srsly, did you not look at the wrapping of the fucking chocolate bar??!
Client: I am going to sue you!! You will go to prison!
Dev: Fuck off *leaves the room*
Image of the chocolate bar:
5 -
Well one time, it was very awkaward.
My colleague went to lunch, and he was working on some website for international client.
So he left his mac unlocked, and as soon as I saw that I thought i would be cool to add click listener on body of page, and on click it opens up 100 tabs of porn. And I did that.
Before he returned from lunch, client called my boss, with wtf is happeneing with his site, and that it is constantly opening up porn.
What i didnt realize that before colleague went to lunch he contacted client to see some progress. And suprisingly I didnt know that his editor atom was automatically set up to upload website on save to dev server that client is currently looking.
We ofcourse told client it was the hackers :)
But boss wasnt that stupid.
Instant karma.4 -
Worst part of being a dev: "we need this done by the end of the week"
Me: "ok what are the specifications?"
PMs: "not sure yet, we have a meeting with the client on Thursday."
Me: "cool, I'll look at it Monday."
Don't come to me with deadlines before you know what I'm building. -
Dev: Hey, I need you to see something.
Client: ok
Dev: this is the models of those reports you need
Client: ok, wait, what is that number? This is wrong, we can't...
Dev: hey, calm down, this is not the production, it's just fake database!
Client: ah, ok.
(5 minutes of explantion)
Dev: so, what do you think?
Client: just one point, that data is very very wrong, we need to change this ASAP!7 -
Client: I want you to build me something, I'm not sure jet what is is exactly but it is supposed to be round and be able to fit on a car.
Me: you mean a wheel ?
Client: noooo, this is completely different and original idea like none has ever had.3 -
Project Manager: Hey Gid, we need to start migrating project-A to the new Server.
Me: Okay, I will inform Dev-Q.
Project Manager: Please do and treat as top priority!
Me: Hey Dev-Q, we need to migrate project-A to the new Server and we need to get it done asap.
Dev-Q: But I'm currently working on some critical bug XYZ which PM wants fixed before COB.
Me: I dunno maybe you want to speak with him.
Dev-Q: I was told to...
Project Manager: Yes! we need that done right away.
Dev-Q: What about the critical...
Project Manager: No! treat this as top priority the client just called.
Dev-Q: Okay.
Me: Any update yet?
Dev-Q: Yep but it seems like the database is quite large and the migration may take a while.
Me: Okay take your time.
Dev-Q: {hours later} Pheww done! All files and database migrated successfully.
Project Manager: Good good. So the critical bug XYZ was also completed and migrated to the new server right?
Dev-Q:
6 -
We had a client visit our PH office to "hang out" and see the progress in this educational type game we were building for their private school (apparently, it's the one that Obama's kids went to).
Manager oversold the progress and actually guaranteed some features that we were still working on and estimated to finish in the next 3 sprints (2 week intervals).
Client was due to be in the office in 2 days.
PM pushes back and says we need to manage client expectations properly.
CEO got wind and sat the dev team down. Dev lead, two seniors, and junior me. He sat us down and asked us what we think.
Lead says we can do it.
Now to be fair, I know this guy to be very competent and an INCREDIBLE programmer. He is the person I consider to be the first real mentor I ever had but I really thought we were fucked here.
Next day and half was hell--for me, at least and I really couldn't see how this was all possible.
But then the fucker came through. This beautiful, majestic meganerd and the two other guys shat out 6 weeks of code in ~30 hours.
And the crazy part was it was all working. Bugs were caught in the next few days for sure, but the demo went flawlessly.
I never doubted this guy again.
Years later, I'd meet up with him and would talk fondly about those days and all he could say was "I don't really remember". He remembers the project and that we had a demo but he couldn't remember anything around those days.
Two of the most stressful days of my life and to him it was a fucking Wednesday. What a fucking champ.4 -
Android and Full Stack dev here. Also first post.
No boss, i won't call that client to tell him how to configure ssl for his Outlook.9 -
Guys, I think it's time to fight back!
Whenever a client ask you about IE9 support, tell him to find someone else, because noone the fuck uses IE9 and if someone somehow does, then it's his fault!
Then he will search for other dev, but if we all do so, we can forget about supporting stupid old shit again!2 -
Client: We are tired of having to go only to specific users to get things actioned, we need everyone to be given admin access so that we can get work done efficiently
Dev: Highly do not recommend that *outlines the likely consequences*.
Client: We don’t care, we DEMAND you do this. We’ll make sure everyone is careful.
Dev: Ok but I warned you. Please submit this request in writing.
Client: Ok, not sure why you would need that. I told you everything would be fine.
*Not even two days later*
Client: HELP!!! OUR DATA IS NOW COMPLETELY MESSED UP. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED THIS IT’S AS IF EVERYONE IS RANDOMLY DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT HOWEVER THEY WANT IN ORDER TO SUITE THEIR OWN NEEDS. IT MAKES NO SENSE HOW THIS HAS OCCURRED. I TOLD EVERYONE SPECIFICALLY TO NOT CAUSE ISSUES!!! WE NEED THIS FIXED A.S.A.P!!!!!!
Dev: …6 -
Worst client request.
Craziest client.
Worst accident.
Accident you thought were impossible in the dev world.
Story time, that one time where you f*cked up really bad.
Best boss.
Nicest client.
Most satisfying hobby project.
Best dev food.
Most helpful accident.
Your favorite project you had to trash, explain why.
Weirdest thing someone asked you to fix because you worked with computers.
Most memorable thing from devRant.
Best thing to happen to you because of devRant.
Its 6am and i feel productive, its not even my app got dammit.
Project you took too far.
Best/worst drunk coding experience.
Weirdest thing you ever ended up fixing because you know stuff about computers.
Worst setup you have seen someone have.
Worst treated hardware you have ever seen.
Best skill to have picked up because of your interest for development, but isnt completely dev related.
Best/worst choice in your carreer, what happened.
Sketchiest email a coworker, friend, boss or client sent.
That one accident that prevented you from using your computer or the internet.
Moment when you thought your dev environment would get a huge boost, but ended with a plot twist.
Worst disturbance while working.
If i come up with more ill either post again, or comment here. This was all i could get off the top of my head, believe it or not.
Edit, gotta add this one: Cable porn3 -
The best part of dev life is when I create a prototype and the client immedietly says: "Excellent!"4
-
Nearing the end of a project and the client starts requesting UI changes and new features...
Every. Damn. Time.
8 -
Alright, so my company wanted to redesign its old website, so we (the dev team) got tasked with making it happen.
Talking with the people making the marketing decisions for the site (think clients but in-house) :
CLIENT : We don't want any colors, black and white only, it's trendy.
US : Okay, but you actually do need colors for call to actions, to achieve the effect of levels of importance and such.
CLIENT : No colors.
Why would they listen to us, not that we are the experts are anything... Oh and they scrapped pretty much all of our CTA, why would you need those anyways, right?
Sometimes later, while coding the Dealer Locator :
CLIENT : The more important dealers will be shown on the map in black, the ones a little less important in white, and the ones we would rather not send people to will be in blue.
US : In blue? Blue, the only color in a sea of black and white? You do realize that the only thing the user is going to see are the blue ones, achieving the exact opposite of what you want?
CLIENT : We have decided.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻5 -
I started this new freelance project where I am building some android libraries for the client. Anyways, during meeting I was about to present my results and suddenly backend seemed to be down. I looked into the round "are your servers down?"
Team Lead: "Yeah our cto, also our only backend dev, is developing a new feature."
Me: "Okay but why is production down?",
Team Lead: "Ah dont worry we always test on production. We have a pretty solid hardware, we will even upgrade it soon!"
Me:"... How about you just separate your stage environments and have a develop environment?"
Client: "see, this is where our strength is. We dont need a develop stage we have very strong hardware and our backend is fully in PHP"
Thanks God I'm a freelancer3 -
!Rant But after seeing this I laughed like hell I need to share this to all my dev folks.
Client: “Our next requirement, we need an elephant”
IT Team: But why don’t you adjust with a buffalo, even it is big…. and black?”
Client: No, we need an elephant only.
IT Team: Fine, I understand your requirement. But our system supports only a buffalo…
Client:We need only an elephant!
IT Team: Ok, let me see if I can customize it for you”
At the Offshore Development Centre :
BA – Client wants a big black four legged animal, long tail, less hair. Having trunk is mandatory. The same was documented, signed off and sent to offshore for development! Based on requirement all features are supported in base product (as buffalo), for trunk alone a separate customization is done.
Finally the customization is shown to client, and the client faints
Addon to this, testers completed their test case as above
1 -
Client informs dev team that he is upgrading all his machines from IE8 to IE11.
~700 lines of hacky js and css previously commented as "//Workaround for IE" removed.
Pure satisfaction.6 -
Got to a client, we are taking over their software dev and IT.
"you're not touching my code ". Listen fuck twit, a robocopy script is not fucking code.
"I wrote a 3500 line code for this company" no fuck twit, you wrote a whole lot of fucking gibberish that looks like someone shat out BASH and it met html along the way. It doesn't compile, it doesn't run, it's a fucking dormant file. You charged people for shit all.
Setting up exchange is also not a big whoop.
Moving them over to CentOS server (he had them on XP still), and writing enough code to qualm my frustration at people.4 -
PM: hows the android app going?
Android Dev: gradle downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: anyway how is the iOS app going?
iOS Dev: cocoapods downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: ... i guess the only thing running now is the web admin right?
Laravel/VueJS Dev: composer nodejs/npm/yarn downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: team lets retest the api endponts
Team: Postman downloading... blocked by network admin.
Team: -_- Insomnia REST Client downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: code study?
Team: even visual studio code/android studio/xcode is blocked. :(
.... sad dev life
anyone here with the same problem?14 -
Client: I need a blog with 3 categories.
Designer: cool, let's have every post teaser in the home look diferent depending on the category.
Me (Dev): Ok...
Client: *sees actual design with different looking posts depending on category* I like it! Let's go!
Me: *codes the site*
Client: It's cool but in the home the posts look different... Could we make them look the same?
Me:...10 -
Just saw an upwork offer.
The client wants the dev to put all pages into one page.
"That sounds easy" I thought.
But it turns out that the total amount of pages to put into a single page is 904625697166532776746648320380374280100293470930272690489102837043110636675.
HOLY CRAP! EVEN IF I PUT THAT MASSIVE BLOCK INTO A SINGLE PAGE, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO OPEN IT! THERE IS NO SUCH POWERFUL MACHINE OR EVEN A SOFTWARE THAT CAN MANAGE TO OPEN IT!
14 -
6 hours of weekly progress report meeting in client’s office EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY.
Yes it’s a progress report meeting that can be done via email or skype
Yes it takes 6 hours
When we go to the meeting, we have
1. The boss
2. The 1% PM + 99% sales guy
3. The secretary who document everything in that meeting
4. Me as a dev
The only thing i do is to answer “yes, that’s technicaly possible” or “no, that’s stupid” when the client ask for some features or changes.
Sometimes i’m just being an accessory in that meeting.
It was years ago before i quit and become a designer 👌🏼5 -
On my first dev job ever, I got sent to the client's office after studying CSS on my own for 2 weeks.
Client: "So, you're the great expert your manager told me about?"1 -
<Email thread>
Manager: Hey @iiii, please, create stories for {things that shall be done}. You will be responsible for that implementation next sprint.
Me: *procrastinating like a bitch*
**several hours later**
Dev from another team: Actually, we discussed that with {upper management guy} and it seems like those things are unapplicable for current project, so we'll send a letter to {client} to remove those requirements.
Manager: @iiii, don't create stories.
</Email thread>
Me: *welp, good thing I did exactly nothing so far*8 -
CLIENT "So my nephew who does stuff with computers built it and we are ok with how it all works so don't worry about changing that. "
DEV "so like you have a public form with no input filtering, spam mitigation let alone sanitization or remote concern for security. Basically you have a Json flat file that is 34mbs of links to, viagra, replica watches, nock off name brands and one real estate company. It is getting about 15 submissions an hour. Since you don't want me changing how it works are you happy to just leave all that ?"
CLIENT "no no we don't want all that but we have no route to delete it, can you just stop all the spam and let us continue on?"
DEV "ok so back to my first question can we rebuild all of this properly, or do you really want to just leave it all"
:/ FML3 -
!rant
Our lead dev in the company seems to be a smart guy who's sensitive about code quality and best practices. The current project I'm working on (I'm an intern) has really bad code quality but it's too big an application with a very important client so there's no scope of completely changing it. Today, he asked me to optimize some parts of the code and I happily sat down to do it. After a few hours of searching, profiling and debugging, I asked him about a particular recurring database query that seemed to be uneccesarilly strewn across the code.
Me: "I think it's copy pasted code from somewhere else. It's not very well done".
Lead Dev: "Yeah, the code may not the be really beautiful. It was done hurriedly by this certain inexperienced intern we had a few years back".
Me: "Oh, haha. That's bad".
Lead Dev: "Yeah, you know him. Have you heard of this guy called *mentions his own name with a grin*?"
Me: ...
Lead Dev: "Yeah, I didn't know much then. The code's bad. Optimize it however you like. Just test it properly"
Me: respect++;2 -
TL;DR Client managing their own ticket is never a good idea.
So my client got access to their own ticketing system. Now instead of going the usual route, they assign the tickets directly. Sometimes going as far as editing the tickets themselves.
But the biggest issue has been the Estimated Resolution Time. This is what happened when I asked about it.
Me: So I noticed that you started including an estimated time of completion.
Client: Yeah, it's an internal thing to help us identify when things will be done and where to focus our attention.
Me: Ok, and what is this time based on? (How do you, a non-dev, can decide how long it should take?)
Client: Oh don't worry it's just an internal thing. You won't be measured against it.
Me: (Sure) Alright, I'm just letting you know that I will be changing these as necessary.
I basically ignored the conversation after this. But the fucker still gives me absurd deadlines. Seriously, what makes managers think they know how long a development should take?2 -
2010: Thick native clients are the worst, thin clients only. JS is the future!
2014: Thin client dev is hard across devices, native thick clients is the future! Swift all the things
2017: React native, hold my beer4 -
Dev: What are the requirements?
Client: I want to make my boss happy so that I get lots of money and promotions.
Dev: What does your boss want?
Client: He wants to be happy
Dev: …
Client: Also I don’t want to expend any effort or resources to achieve this
Dev: …4 -
Worst part of being a dev?
THERE'S A NEW FREAKIN FRAMEWORK EVERYDAY.
Where are we supposed to get time to learn everything the job applications require? And even worst, have 2 years of experience with the thing?
And how about when developing a responsive dynamic website? If you are crazy, like me, and you are the kind of dev that always wants to deliver something great, customized to the needs of your client, and that doesn't smell bootstrappy, you probably can't stand too when people ask you about time guesstimates. Especially when you are the ONLY DEV in your company.
Also, our gear is EXPENSIVE.
Sorry, I guess I'm stressed... Had to bring some work home, due to the bosses deciding to deliver a project one week early to the client, without consulting me first.
Still, luckily for me, all this bullshit can't take my love of coding away.
4 -
Client : We need this feature
Team lead : Sure, we will deliver this to you in 3 days.
Meanwhile Teamlead forgets to work on it or assign it to anyone in the team while he was surrounded by many other tasks.
Client on 2nd day morning : What's the progress on that feature?
Teamlead to Client: It's going fine, we will deliver it to you on time.
Meanwhile, Teamlead to a junior developer in the team (on 2nd day afternoon): We have this priority feature where we need to finish it in one day and deliver it tomorrow!
Junior Dev to Teamlead : This is too much of work to complete it in 1 day, it atleast needs 3 days!
Teamlead to Junior dev : I don't care, can't talk, busy, just complete the work and deal with the client, bye.
And the Junior dev continues to struggle where he is unknown of the fact that the task actually was of 3 days but just because the Teamlead forgot to do the task and also to assign the task early, he is in trouble!9 -
Front end dev be like:
Me:
This is greatest design concept ever!
Why isn't it working? It was working yesterday.
This is the stupidest design concept ever.
It works! It works! The client is going to love this as much as I do. It's exactly what they asked for!
Client:
Actually, can you do something completely different?5 -
Client: i'd like to develop for this particular device named the hololens. And i want 2 of those to communicate over LAN as well (holo lense specific data)
Dev team: If you can provide us with 2 holo lenses to try some stuff out, we can do that.
Client: Well i only got one but i need that for my presentations to my clients. Can't you just research something and make it happen without the hardware?
And that is the story of how we now have to do something for hardware we do not have any of. FML.6 -
Sales: "There is a problem in complicated feature A, in a client system!
Dev: "What is the problem"
Sales: "I don't know exactly"
Dev: "which client system? What version is installed?"
Sales: crickets.
Dev: "Do you a Jira ticket, or an email with more details?"
Sales: "It is urgent that we fix the problem ASAP!"
Dev: "what problem"
Sales: "The problem! I talked to the VP RnD, So he can make sure you are on it!"
Dev: "What exactly do you me to fix"
Sales: "The Problem!"8 -
- Be me (Dev)
- Develop website for client that has an online payment integration.
- Notice there is no one for QA and testing.
- Try to raise voice about it but get shot down by management.
- Get order to push the project to production (because the deadline has arrived, therefore the project must be ready)
- Production performance has an error margin of 15% (customers getting their card over/under charged)
- Get blamed and flamed for everything cuz well, its all the dev's fault.
FML4 -
Even though I haven't had such an experience yet, I can assume that this is what every dev sees when he lets the client play with a new feature
-
We were 6 devs on a big project that needed to be completed in 3 months. Probably my first project as a full-stack dev and the work was very demanding.
The senior of my team was a very sharp and energetic, but also a very "in your face" kinda guy. Like, he was cool, but sometimes a little too much to handle for some people.
Anyway, this guy "Senior dev" worked faster (naturally) and harder than the rest of us and was always willing to help if somebody had problems with a framework, tool or other technology. Also, there was this other guy also a good dev (second best I would say) that just hated the first guy's guts for being "rude and obnoxious" as he put it.
One day, the PM and the senior had an argument about a major change that the PM had agreed to (just to save face with the client) that will force the team to come to work on the weekend. In the end he saved us the trouble of going throught that and the PM had to tell the client that the change wouldn't be made. From then on it went downhill for "Sr. dev" in the company. Until one day he was told that his contract was not gonna be renewed.
Short after, he showed some of us a screen cap. somebody sent him of an email from the "hateful" dev to the PM in which he wrote he had heard that the senior guy was leaving and he couldn't be happier because he was "damaging, problematic and a stressful part of his job". That was such a dick move, we thought he should get back at the guy.
So he sent a fake email to the PM using the "hateful" guy's email ID, that read:
"Dear PM. I'm sorry I said those things about 'Senior dev', I guess I'm just mad that he's a better professional than me and mad that I was born with no genitalia".
After the senior dev left I worked on one more project with the "hateful" dev and he was let go mid project for "not being proactive and making little effort on completing the project". -
After 'Dev' deployed a service using Azure ServiceBus, a particular queue/client was receiving errors.
Dev: "Looking at the logs, client is getting faulted."
Me: 'What is the error being logged?'
Dev: 'Client is faulted'
Me: 'No, that is our error when the client is either unable to connect or there is an exception in the middle of sending a message. What is the exception from Azure?'
Dev: 'Client is faulted. That's it. I'm going to have to re-engineer the code to implement a retry policy.'
<OK, I smell someone cooking up some solution finding, so I dig into the logs a little further>
Me: "Looks like an invalid connection string. The actual exception being thrown and logged is from the Azure client connection string builder. The value cannot be null."
Dev: "No, I'm looking right at the connection string in the config. Looks fine."
Me: "Looks correct on your machine, but what is actually being deployed to the server?"
<I could tell he was getting agitated>
<Dev clicks around, about 10 min. later>
Dev: "Aha!..I found it. The connection string in the config on the main branch is wrong, in fact, the entry is missing."
<dev fixes, re-deploys, life is good, I document the error and the root cause>
Boss: "Great job Dev."
*sigh* ..go teamwork?3 -
Me: junior dev
Assignment: build a REST search service that also does (thing x)
Me: gosh I just can't figure out how to make (thing x) work! Nothing I try works and there are no online resources!
*goes to meeting with client*
Client: (thing x) is impossible in our application, so we are expecting (much more manageable thing)
Me: awesome! I think I can build that
Manager who can't code: what are you talking about, (thing x) is clearly better and it should be possible to do
Manager: *sends email outlining shifted requirements after the meeting, including (thing x)*3 -
Worst one I’ve seen so far is when I was working for my previous community another developer joined to help me, without the permission of me or the other lead developer he pushed a client-side update. We didn’t think it was a big deal, but once we began reviewing the code it became a big deal... he had placed our SQL credentials into that file that every client downloads. All the person had to do was open the file and could connect to our SQL which contained 50k+ players info, primarily all in-game stuff except IPs which we want to protect at all costs.
Issue becomes, what he was trying to do required the games local database on the client-side, but instead he tried connecting to it as an external database so he decided to copy server-side code and used on the client.
Anyways, the database had a firewall that blocked all connections except the server and the other lead dev and myself. We managed to change the credentials and pull the file away before any harm was done to it, about 300 people had downloaded the file within an hours period, but nothing happened luckily. IP to the DB, username, password, etc, were all changed just to keep it protected.
So far this is the worst, hopefully it doesn’t get worse than this :/1 -
"The client has reported {some problem}. Do we know what has caused it?"
Dev: "{explanation} is the cause"
"Ok, was that caused by a recent change?"
Dev: "No, the system has been like that since the start"
"Ok, but who did it? Was it some recent work?"
Dev: "The system has been like that since the start"
Constant fucking blame and finger pointing.
Fuck off. -
Freelance client fired me on Friday, with literally a couple of minor issues to take care of left before launch. When I inquired, he said they're going in a different direction. I immediately smelled bullshit. When I asked who to turn over the files and DB to, it was their idea to allow me to broker the deal to switch things over and hand the keys over. I asked the new dev what framework or installed CMS and he thought I was crazy for asking. He told me they're taking by build of the site and finishing it. That's fucking low.4
-
Dev deploys new CSS.
Client: I can't see the changes PANIC.
Dev: clear your cache!
Client: oh that's better. Now can we do that for all user?
Dev:😱4 -
Web Devs - How many projects do you typically work on at once? I am currently developing 24 websites at once, most of them custom (homepage). I just feel like that is absurd and my company is absolutely insane. Not to mention I'm the front line for client communication as well, pretty much the project manager AND developer. We're a huge company too, not a start up. Just feel like not having project managers for web dev industry is unprecedented except for freelance. 😡👎🏼18
-
You know how we all get frustrated with new clients who don't provide enough information or detailed background of what the last dev did or tried?
Careful what you wish for. Just took on a new client who has sent 3 separate Word docs, all organized and color coded and fully detailed with the website's life history. All 24 pages of it.
We are supposed to fix the checkout flow and organize the download directory. That's all. -
Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.
Dev (4 months later): Here it is
Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.
Dev: …6 -
Me: We really need to improve our unit test coverage.
Team/Boss: <sarcasm> Haha yeah.
Production Bug: I'm doing something nasty to a client, because a dev broke something but no test coverage.
Boss: How could we have prevented this?!1 -
So one rant reminded me of a situation I whent through like 10 years ago...
I'm not a dev but I do small programs from time to time...
One time I was hired to pass a phone book list from paper to a ms Access 97 database...
On my old laptop I could only add 3 to 5 records cause MS access doesn't clean after itself and would crash...
So I made an app (in vb6) , to easily make records, was fast, light and well tabbed.
But now I needed a form to edit the last record when I made a mistake...
Then I wanted a form to check all the records I made.
Well that gave me an idea and presented the software to the client... A cheesy price was agreed for my first freelance sell...
After a month making it perfect and knowing the problems the client would had I made a admin form to merge all the databases and check for each record if it would exist.... I knew the client would have problems to merge hundreds of databases....
When it was done... The client told me he didn't need the software anymore.... So I gave it to a friend to use as an client dabatase software... It was perfect for him.
One month later the client called me because he couldn't merge the databases...
I told him I was already working in a company. That my software was ready to solve his problem, but I got mad and deleted everything...
He had to pay almost 20 times more for a software company to make the same software but worst... Mine would merge and check all the databases in a folder... Their's had to pick one by one and didn't check for duplicates... So he had to pay even more for another program to delete duplicates...
That's why I didn't follow programming as a freelance... Lots of regrets today...
Could be working at home, instead had a burn out this week cause of overwork...
Sorry for the long rant.2 -
Today I got fired (I work for a outsourcing company and was the client that "fired me") and the reason was that the work load was low.... funny thing is that they contested a new dev for my team and she is staying only because she is in the same office as the main team and I'm on a different office.
How fucked up is this?29 -
So, today a client said: "If you are a web developer, well you can make me a damn mobile app. It's the same fooking thing, you just write code and make it go on my device. I want a whatsapp-like app for my company."
I really, really wanted to punch him on his godamn face... At the end I spent tbe rest of the meeting explaining that I don't develop mobile apps since I'm a web developer and that it is NOT THE SAME THING. He went angry and said "Well, I think I'll find a better dev somewhere else. You are a useless one"10 -
Fucked!
I have got my cyber security exam tomorrow morning and i just got a call from a client to make some urgent changes to his site.
To add to it, i already wasted around half an hour becoz GoDaddy Plex somehow decided to block my own IP in the firewall.
And now I am on devRant.
Crap. I am fucked!4 -
So when I was working for a web dev shop, one of the clients asked us to have a drop down of all the different combinations you can have for street types to appear on the address form of their shopping cart. So stuff like "Street", "St", "Drive", "Dr", "Lane", "Ln" etc. We told the client that it wasn't possible since the possible combinations and how some street don't all end with a type.
But the client was adamant about having this so we ended up building a section in the administration section to allow the client to add any new street type to a database table that will populate the dropdown.1 -
I just started a job as a junior C# dev.
My project at work includes:
-no coding style
-multiple classes in one file
-all classes are static
-who needs interfaces?
-typos in variable names
-more than 3 levels of inheritance
-conf files such as "blabla.xml"
-comments? documentation? nope
-copy&paste everywhere
Client outsourced this project to us to get the job done properly :D
Looks that I have some opportunity to show my talent.10 -
preface context: I was recently asked to make a website for an event I participated in before
client: okay I heard you can make a website for our event? that’s great!
me (dev): yeah, do you have any requests or expectations for me?
.
client: not really, but I was a developer before and I can code a bit so I’m wondering in what language would you code or develop our website in?
me: oh I would be using JavaScript, specifically nodeJS
.
client: oh really? i’m not really familiar with that language, so is it okay if you code it in a language I understand and used before?
me: sure, what is it?
.
(lol I wonder if you can guess already what it is at this point)
client: HTML
me: ... (*uh oh* html isn’t a markup language *sigh*) :——) -
First week of being self employed is going well. I’ve clearly learnt from the best start ups out there
Ashleigh: Ashleigh, you’re a shit dev you can’t meet deadlines
Ashleigh: Well you’re a shit manager Ashleigh, you don’t listen to any of the dev
Ashleigh: Well fuck you I quit
Ashleigh: you can’t quit you’re fired
Ashleigh: you can’t fire me, I’ve dissolved the company so you’re redundant
Ashleigh: yea well I’m Ganna take this up with HR
Ashleigh to HR: dear Ashleigh, I’m being harassed by Ashleigh
Ashleigh at HR: sorry Ashleigh, as a start up we don’t have a HR department so we can get away with harassment and grievances. All the best, Ashleigh.
Client: hi Ashleigh, Ashleigh said she’d have it finished by today
Ashleigh: hi client Ashleigh, we’ve had to let Ashleigh go, we’ll update you once we’ve found a replacement Ashleigh
Ashleigh: Ashleigh ashlrigh ashlrigh alscbuddjdhsgs
Sorry I’ve had 553 ml of monster :D think I’ve gone mad...8 -
Marketing : Do you think we can implement this feature in a system?
Dev : Hmm....*checking specs*...This will...
Marketing : *interrupts* we have already signed a contract with a client.
Dev : ugh......7 -
So...Worked my butt off to have a website developed by a certain date client and I agreed on. Finished the site 3 weeks ago and sent dev link. Client has been completely silent; unreachable by email (I sent 5 in past 3 weeks) and phone (left 2 voicemails and a message with his receptionist today). In ALL five emails I told him I needed the email addresses he wants used to route his sales leads to...Got nada.
So today I seen that the lead forms have been tested on the website. Dude can't get back to me for 3 effing weeks, BUT can test his lead forms.. You know, without the lead email addresses that i asked for 5x. Ugh, idiot!!!2 -
Client dev inlined all my single line functions as it's "more efficient".
Speechless is not the word.14 -
Interviewer: Yeah so we're hiring you as the person who would build out and own our client-facing web application and related stack.
Dev: Perfect, that's what I've been doing for the past 10 years, I'm your guy.
Interviewer: GREAT SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FORK AND EXEC ON A PROCESS ON A LINUX MACHINE!?!?!?!?
Dev: I don't... know immediately at this moment?
Dev: Sigh
Dev: I hate my life
Dev: Somebody please help me18 -
I was working on a team with people with various employment statuses. Contractors, employees of the client, and me as a regular full time employee of the company that “owned” the contract. My HR manager gave us a presentation about our reporting structure. I had at least seven managers for different reasons across various projects.
I got a new position so needed to resign but I had no idea which managers were the ones I should notify. I looked at the org chart that the HR lady showed. I sent my resignation to five managers that would be affected by my leaving. Unknown to me my project manager was actually a contracting manager hired by the client. He let his employer, the client, know that the lead dev quit.
Apparently it destabilized the contract for my employer. If I hadn’t just issued resignation they would have fired me for telling a customer about a significant internal staffing change. They didn’t fire me because the optics would have been worse for them.2 -
Client: we want X.
Dev: Quote for X.
Client: We only want to pay x.
Dev: Requote for x.
Client: approved x.
Dev: Deliver x.
Client: where is X we asked for X.
... perspective of project scope matters.1 -
First and foremost: do more to show my wife that I love and appreciate her. Not dev but damned important.
Write my own web version of the taskwarrior client.
Run a 5K in June with my wife.5 -
RETARD MASTER: So how did you feel about this sprint DEV?
*nothing is planned, new tickets added each day and old ones removed - inconsistent sprint*
DEV: Well, it’s a bit chaotic, but it’s understandable. I’m used to it. Nothing’s to blame here. Client can’t produce their end of the bargain on time.
*3 week later*
DEV MANAGER: So RETARD MASTER gave a feedback. He told me you insulted him.
DEV: Can I please die now? Not funny.12 -
Tries to use SoundCloud API for a client
Docs say you need a client key
Wants to create one by signing up clients application
Signup-Form says:applicazion registration currently not available
Goes to soundcloud dev forums
Raging devs rage about that soundcloud has terminated their api registration for about 13 months now
Me thinking: That's probably the best way to make a conpany grow!8 -
Just found out with client, a recruiter played double agent, charged 25% on me and 20% on client, a whopping 45% commission! Fuck off.
Thankfully it’s only a small project. We are both hiring dev soon so he lost a good chunk of business, at least from me, for perpetuity.1 -
Java dev here. I rewrote an app and replaced a system call to ssh with a modern jaxrs post for uploading a file and (new) some additional data.
I even used a stream.
1 hour in production, first client doesn't get his file. Log says OutOfMemoryError: heap.
Me: wtf? I already use streams.
Looking at the Jersey library. Docs say nothing. An issue from 2013 says: oh if you silly don't use the Apache httpclient addon, we disable chunking and buffer the whole body, because our tests fail with the jdk included http client otherwise.
Me: meh.
No warning in the logs. Thank you soooooo much! Who could have known?4 -
Has anyone had to hack into a server so they can set up their work,
Literally have a client asking me to do this change to their site and they are asking the dev who is controlling it but they just not letting me access ..
Long night ahead 🙄 got to add a ftp account ... All I need to do is add small lines of code for tracking, but this guy doesn't want to let me on it cause I'm slowly taking over his work... if he did his job right it's not like it would be happening anyway6 -
Dear boss, client :
We, the developers, have family. Respect our time by knowing what you want us to build beforehand.3 -
I'm working on an open source openvpn client for linux with a gtk gui and some cool features i have in mind. I wrote most of it's daemon and now i'm going for the gui. But,... the problem is..., i'm not a ui dev, so every ui i make is awful. I feel like i'm either stuck or have to choose one of my bad ui designs. what do you think i should do? how can i get some help?6
-
True story
Was free at work so applied for a stretch project.
PM: you know mobile dev?
Me: yes, built a few apps
PM: good, we have an old app we want you to take the JAR change everything but the look of it and make it a new hybrid app with the required features.
Me: *kill me please*
PM: and use WordPress as the server.
Me: ...........
Accepted the challenge. Did the entire app in ionic and build a server for it with SpringBoot. Client loves it PM is still doesn't know😂2 -
So you warn the agency that the client is going to eat into the Dev time with their constant design change requests. Warned them repeatedly for a good month, I should add, asking them to better manage the client's expectations and push back for a later launch date. Come time for development and they act all surprised that we can't build the entire site, that we outlined in the timeline will take 4 to 5 weeks of Dev time, in less than 2 weeks!! ... It gets worse! They say the client is happy to compromise as long as we launch "something" by this date. We list out what can be done, and the fact that there's no time for the client to do QC and we won't be able to do a full QA phase on the site until after launch and only when we finalise all the features. Agency says client agrees and within 3 days into development, they want to QC the site and add more features....... still wanting all this in 2 weeks. This site has now been in development for 3 months.1
-
Client: "But why isn't it working. It should work"
Dev: "Sorry but it's not in your requirements"
Client: "But it should work"
fffockins 😡1 -
I had to migrate ~100+ svn repos to git that were "useful" according to the client but found out that there were a lot of projects (+6yrs old) with only one commit message "--no-commit-message" and i'm not even joking...
And then I had to explain to these "devs" how to use fucking git with eclipse (+they all use light theme...) cos' terminal or gui client is too complicated
And then I saw their "Java libs" with ~3k line of spaghetti
Do you even dev bro?2 -
!rant
Lovely and thankful clients do exist!
Last week the client of our last project came to my desk to shake my hand and thank me for my well done work. Keeping in mind that I'm a junior dev and our company has around 3000 employees I was really flattered :)1 -
!rant
Had a conversation with an non-dev acquaintance today...he was telling me my job was in danger because of the rapid advance of AI...that soon the client will just specify what he needs and the AI will create it.
Yeah...just one small problem...the client never knows what he wants...as long as that client is human I'm pretty sure we're safe3 -
The client: Product looks great! However there's one additional change...
Boss: Sure! My dev can handle it
Me:
-
NO, YOU ABSOLUTE DISGUSTING GREMLIN OF A JS HTTP CLIENT, I DON'T WANT YOU TO "JsOn.StRiNgiFy" MY PAYLOAD OR DOING ANY WEIRD SHIT
I NEED TO SEND THIS THING EXACTLY AS IT'S WRITTEN, STOP TRYING TO GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO I'M A DEV WITH SOME 7 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE WRITING CODE, I'M SENDING A STRING CUZ I NEED TO SEND A STRING2 -
a client i was doing a side project for recently hired another dev to finish my project apparently i wasn't fast enough for them; despite their late submition of asserts.now their "dev" fucked up everything i was building and they want me to take the project over the weekend..3
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So after months of self study my company finally appoints me as a junior developer with a major client as the intermediate dev on the project resigned. My tech lead assures me that junior devs only fix bugs and do other minor changes. One week in and in our first sprint planning session the client decides to priorities a Major update to the app. Now I have 2 weeks to deliver what will either make or break my immediate career. And I have no idea how to implement any of the changes. Stack overflow you're my only hope (and many hrs of YouTube tutorials)3
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Not been a good day so far:
1. Woke up to my Synology in a 'Volume crashed' state. Tried to contact support via web page; support web page not loading.
2. Ancient software at work stops working. As the last remaining C++ dev, I gotta troubleshoot. Original developer wrote test program...in VB6.
3. Server config file changed, but all the admins swear up and down nobody's made any changes.
4. Client calls account rep and wants to know about our security policies, so he schedules a meeting with me and client and forgets to mention until he's emailing me asking where the hell I am. From the tone of the conversation between the rep and the client, it's clear that somehow I'm to blame for being late.
Sigh.
Well, hey, at least it's Friday, right? Right?1 -
I've worked in a lot of customer service jobs and the more i have to deal with client, the more story starting to pile up. But something always come back and it's frustrating. The entitlement people have. I work as a Technical Support agent and for the most part i'm actually happy to help people with fixing their problems. But once in a while i always get that idiot that doesn't do anything i told him, blame me because "my fixes" don't work or just straight up don't listen to me and think they know better. Why the fuck do you call me if you need help if you're going to ignore everything i say and act like a fucking children. I'm not the one that call for technical support.
I know this place is more for Dev, but i'm sure those kind of things happen all the time when a client think he know more than the dev themselves...1 -
PM - Client wants to know if we can do this? Also, how long will it take?
[Spend 2 hours researching because you've never done this before]
Dev - Yes, it'll take 15 minutes.1 -
If hiring managers really want to hire based on skill, what they should be doing is testing for one thing:
The ability to take a specification, written in general language, notice deficiency, communicate with the 'client' (manager) to hash out what needs done, and the (explicit) ability to read documentation on libraries or tooling outside the dev's core skillset.
If a dev can read a spec, talk to a client to work out whats lacking, and then identify what they need to know and where to find it, thats 90% of the skills they need from what I can see.
tl;dr version of it, is they should be explicit about the requirements for reading/implementing specs and finding the correct documentation.
Something along the lines of
"can you form your letters? Are you able to follow instructions on the back of a cake box? Then there may be a position waiting for you!"8 -
Issue or Error? Rant story time!
I was working on a windows desktop app, and everything was ok, you know, tests completed succesfully, all in time, etc. The problem was when we showed the demo to one of our clients. He saw several screens and we explained all the features to him.
Client: *Sees a Error pop-up indicating that a remote service is temporarly unavailable (what it has to happen in order to show him how the system would warn him when an external service is out of service)
Client: What’s that?
Lead dev: What do you mean?
Client: Yes. That’s an error pop-up
Lead dev: Yes, it’s a message that tells you that there was an issue connecting to the bank service
C: No, no and no. Please change it
L: Why? Don’t you want the system to tell you when there is a connection issue and why is that happening?
C: Yes, but my employees could lost their minds because of this class of messages!
L: So...?
C: You have to change it
L: Ok. What do you want to change?
C: First of all, don’t put an “Error” icon, put an “Warning” icon, and instead of “Error” title, put... “Issue”
L: “Issue?”
C: Yeah. Don’t put the “E” word, if the users see an “Error” message, they could think that the program doesn’t work, even if it does work.
We all though “WTF?!”
To make the story shorter, we changed all the pop-ups. That took two days.
Is that correct? I know that “Error” sounds hard but, seriously? “Issue: The remote service is not available, contact your bank?”6 -
My first project it’s an emotional roller coaster. I was a little trainee/ junior dev at my job with a little more than a month learning RoR and one day my tech lead receives an email from the big boss saying: “We got a big client who wants a total redesign of his web and we said yes we can do it in a month, so please check if anything it’s reusable”, after reading my tech lead said to me “Do you want to help me with this ?” And well, we spend like 2-3 hours checking all the controllers, views, assets, etc. We conclude that the project was mostly front end changes and the back end will stay the same, so yeah it can be done in a month. The next day in a meeting with all the team I was nominee to be the person in charge of that project, because it was an easy project and all my teammates hate to do front end stuff, so I take the challenge. After that I met the Project Manager, another guy who recently start as PM about a month, so yeah we were two new guys who need to handle the project of a big client, nothing can go wrong. We did the planing, I give an estimation ( first one in my life ) for the tasks and added like 4 hours in case anything goes wrong. Then the first sprint came by, and I couldn’t finish it because the time given to some features was to low and the “design” was a mockup made by the PM, ok, no problems, we add more time to the tasks and we ask for a real design. At the half of the sprint the client start adding more and more stuff, the PM doesn’t talk back, just say yes yes yes. Then in a blink of an eye the easy project became a three months projects with no design at all, two devs ( a new guy who recently begin as dev enter the project ), just mockups and good hopes. But somehow we did it, we finish it! Nope. The early Monday of the next week I received an email of the PM saying we would have a second version and the estimation of the tech lead was a minimum of six months ( that became 8 months). This time was hell, because the client doesn’t decide what the hell he wants so a task would take a couple of days more or so, the PM became the personal bitch of the client, but it wasn’t his fault, because we later knew that the company became partner with this client and because of that the PM didn’t have too much choice :/, the designs were cool, but they weren’t on time ever, our only design guy had to do designs to our project and another 5 projects of the company, so yeah, we weren’t the only ones suffering. At the end we survive, the project was done and the client somehow was happy. Of course the project didn’t end and it was terminated half a year later, but I’ll always remember it because thanks to this project I was given the opportunity to work as a Front end dev and I’m happy still working as one.
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Designer makes an app Mockup using an iOS template. I make the android version and the ios dev makes his version.
Upon completion, the client rejects mine saying that I forgot to put back buttons in the top left corner of each screen.
My face when he didn't reject the ios version for not having a hardware back button. 🤦♂️ -
After 4 months of dev, Project went into production
Client: it should work like that.
Me: it's a CR!
Client: No, it's not!
Me: talk to my boss.
...
...
...2 -
Wk78
My worst dev experience was my first software as freelance...
1 month codding
When delivering the app the client didnt want it anymore...
Two years latter the client calls me because he had a problem... Merging hundreds of access 97 databases... Exactly what my software did (besides editing, filters and remove duplicates)
Told him I got mad, deleted the source code and was already working on a company...
He had to pay for a software company to do the same 10 times the cost4 -
Worst experience: being laid off when the startup I worked for lost a deal. I loved that project :(
Best experience: my new company sent me to USA for a few days to meet the client. I've gained a lot more of confidence on my spoken English. I've didn't use it in years, so I was worried. Perhaps you wouldn't think it's a "dev" experience, but English is actually a required skill for a developer who has it as a second language.1 -
I am a weird dev. No urge to rant really, mostly internal frustrations if any.
Today I had my first meeting with the client and it went smoothly - I showcased demo in the current state, they approved, asked a bit more about the technology and that's pretty much it...
I know, I know... I'm just starting and it's gonna change but, idk why, I think I'm in a good work environment.1 -
Fuck today and fuck every piece of shit manager and non-dev coworker that thinks they contribute anything meaningful besides being a fucking idiot and making things complicated. I hope my team, except for the other devs, jumps off a bridge into a valley of dicks and spikes. I hope my client tells them to personally fuck themselves for being such a useless waste of space. Fuck off and die cunts.1
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Spent 2 hours last night (leaving an hour late) with the IT guy hunting down a problem that affected at least 12 other teams. It didn't crash the app, but did prevent MANY scripts from working, and thus nothing could be committed.
I found the culprit, made a solution, and posted in the email chain my solution. (it required a code review and a client-side update)
Someone responded asking for another dev to confirm my report. That dev did and them dumbed it down for those who can't understand programming talk. Then EVERY EMAIL after that thanked that dev for "fixing the root problem" and "solving their scripts".
And just now, the PO for the bug was replaced to that dev's team. (previously was my team's PO)3 -
I didn’t turn down a dev freelance project when the client decided against going with best practices because the solution I offered was a well-established design pattern but created a need for a financial management change she didn’t like. I stupidly built what she asked for. It worked fine in the 3rd party vendor test environment but failed on production. After hours of analysis of code to ensure no changes happened to my source during test->prod deployment, and the vendor denying they had config differences between them, and the client refusing to pay, all I could do was abandon the project.2
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* Teams meeting, doing some early testing with the client *
Dev Team: This is an early build, so please be aware that bugs can occur at this stage. (That's why we didn't want to show it but you insisted)
Client: Sure, don't worry.
* 15 minutes later, first bug happens because some state management at the front end was not tunned yet *
Client: Can you solve this bug?
Dev Team: Sure, just let us replicate it and we come back to you as soon as...
Client: Can you solve it now?
Dev Team: ... Okay, let us ser whats happening and we will come ba...
Client: You don't need to hang up, just solve it.
*Dev Team internal chat*
Me: Fuck
Other dev: Fuck
My leader at the time: Fuuuuuck
PS: This happened in two separate occasions. I hated that project.6 -
Boss: How long will it take to finish the project?
Me: (Gives date for finishing dev and deployment.)
Boss: great, sound reasonable.
Me: ...
Boss: wait. Aren't you on vacation the two weeks after that.
Me: jup.
Boss: yeah we are not doing that again. Client can wait another two weeks.
Before someone says no Boss/PM is like that, he was/is a developer too so discussing deadlines and efforts is usually pretty relaxed since he knows our codebase and how long it takes to do things.2 -
PM : Develop this new feature. Client needs it tomorrow. And be sure it works perfectly well.
Dev : haha how can it work without bug if it's developed in a day ?
Poor dev got transferred to support department :(
4 -
Once a fellow dev gave me the advice of always questioning the enhancements and fixes that are asked to be done. She said i should always ask things like is this a legitimate enhancement asked for by the client? Is it really required? Will it alter any existing established flow of our system? Etc.
At least I found this helpful because it saved us a ton of unnecessary work that would later have to be rolled back. -
Going through site after senior dev asked front end dev to go through it and tweak it for design and better responsiveness(he and I are back end oriented and have no design skillz).
Things are breaking visually on almost all devices.
Client sends an email saying it suddenly looks terrible on mobile and wants to know what happened. I let him know we were actively working on things and it should be good in a few minutes.
Looking over CSS...there are "!important" tags EVERYWHERE, media queries are in the wrong order and have "!important" attached to almost everything so the largest screen size settings win.
Why do I even bother?2 -
Today at 7am i got s phone call please go to this client
I responded sure no problem what am i going to do at this client.....
Don't worry they said you will find out when you get there...
So i go to the client and as I expected its not dev related at all
It was for installation of point of sale tills and printers 😱😱
That are 7 years old with no cables
(2 hour drive to get here)
Anyway I ended up selling hardware to them....this developer is going places 😂🙈1 -
Don't give me Mobile First! Fuck That!
I dev on desktop, most users are on desktop, my client thinks desktop is most important, so why the hell should I put mobile first??
And doublefuck "Offline First".
Get back to earth Google!3 -
FUCKING IE!
Anyone please remember to ask if the project|s that you're going to work on do|es need Internet Explorer support.
If it's the case just expect any resemblance of modern frontend development skills go backwards into the backward compatibility territory and never going forward.
I'll start looking for another job, can't be bothered for this payment and regressing my dev skills for client needs.
Again FUCK YOU IE!6 -
Client contacts our company that his site is down, we do some investigating and the only way we can access the site is on a mobile phone. From the office computers the site never loads and times out. Since we don't host the site and I've never logged into it before I don't have a lot of details so I suggest they contact whoever hosts their site. This is where things get weird.
Client tells me that the site is hosted on someone's home server. I tell him that this is quite strange in 2018 and rather unlikely and ask if he was ever given access to the site to log in or if he has access to his domain registration, GoDaddy.
He says he doesn't understand any of this and would rather I just contact his current developer and figure it out with him. We agree that he needs to get access to his site so we are going to migrate it once I get access to it.
I email his current developer letting him know the client has put me in contact with him to troubleshoot the issues with the site. I ask him some standard questions like: where is the site hosted? Can you access it from a computer? Do you have some security measures in place to block certain IP ranges? Can you give me from access to get the files? Will you send me a backup of the site for me to load up on my server?
*2days pass*
Other dev: Tell me the account number and I'll transfer the domain.
Me: I'll have to get back to you on that once I talk to the client and set up his GoDaddy account since we believe the business owner should own their domain, not their developers. In the meantime you didn't answer any of the questions I asked. Transferring the domain won't get the site on my server so I still need the files.
*3 days pass*
OD: You are trying the wrong domain. The correct domain is [redacted].com I'll have my daughter send you the files when she gets in town. We will transfer the domain to you, the client will forget to pay and the site will go down and it'll be your fault.
Me: I appreciate your advice, but the client will own their domain. I'm trying to get the site online and you have no answered any of my questions. It's been a week now and you have not transferred the domain, you have not provided a copy of the site, you have not told me where the site is hosted. The client and I are both getting impatient at this point when will we receive a backup of the site and the transfer of the domain?
OD: Go fuck yourself, tell the client they can sue me.
If the client is that terrible, wouldn't you want to hand them off to anyone willing to take them? I have never understood why developers and agencies try to hold clients hostage by keeping their domain or website and refusing access. From what I can tell this is a freelance developer without a real company so a legal battle likely isn't going to go well since the domain is worthless to him as the copyright to the name is owned by the client. This isn't the first time we've had to help clients through this sort of thing.4 -
#include<rant.h>
#define useless unnecessary
int main()
{
Fuck off Zuckerman and any dev who codes such shit for useless permissions and especially FUCK YOU CLIENT for asking your dev to ask for all useless permissions for your fucking app just because you think it's cool ;
return 0;
}
12 -
oh, I have a few mini-projects I'm proud of. Most of them are just handy utilities easing my BAU Dev/PerfEng/Ops life.
- bthread - multithreading for bash scripts: https://gitlab.com/netikras/bthread
- /dev/rant - a devRant client/device for Linux: https://gitlab.com/netikras/...
- JDBCUtil - a command-line utility to connect to any DB and run arbitrary queries using a JDBC driver: https://gitlab.com/netikras/...
- KubiCon - KuberneterInContainer - does what it says: runs kubernetes inside a container. Makes it super simple to define and extend k8s clusters in simple Dockerfiles: https://gitlab.com/netikras/KubICon
- ws2http - a stateful proxy server simplifying testing websockets - allows you to communicate with websockets using simple HTTP (think: curl, postman or even netcat (nc)): https://gitlab.com/netikras/ws2http -
"you realize that any user can gain admin access by signing in with their own creds and switching out the word "user" or "client" in the url for "admin"
"Yeah, I don't care. <sr dev> is under a lot of pressure"5 -
As a Dev in college working for teams in college, I don't really have a need to use git, since most of 'self proclaimed prestigious programmer child prodigies' I work with have no idea what it is; but I use it anyways as good programming practice and ease of backups.
So I tried using a GUI client after months of the git bash, and even though I looked up a few tutorials (was embarrassed the whole fucking time). I ended up adding, committing and pushing via bash.
Can anyone explain me how is the GUI client helpful in large projects and stuff?8 -
Client: The new page template you sent us looks different on production compared to the other pages that use the same component.
Me: Oh, that's strange since the styling is at the component level. Hmm, let me dig in to it.
Start poking around trying to figure out what I managed to screw up only to find that it looks exactly the same on local and staging. Eventually find another style sheet the client is importing on the production site to change some of the styles.
You know, a change that isn't anywhere to be found in the repo, and no one ever asked for anything to be changed. Their "Dev" decided he would hack in a fix instead of shooting me an email.
Apparently he tried changing the SCSS file but the changes weren't showing up. He changed the minified stylesheet but his changes were overwritten on the next deployment..... #howdoesSASSwork?!
Same client as my last rant so I'm not sure why I'm surprised by this. Oh well, I'll take that hourly rate.1 -
Haven't ranted in a while so here it goes.
Head of product took me (senior dev) to a high value client workshop/demo session and over the course of two days found the reason behind why the dev team has been pushed to the limit as of late and sales/product team has been making promises to clients without checking with dev leaders on reasonable delivery dates on massive new features.
I tried my best to manage expectations by differing talking about delivery dates by saying "lets discuss that with the team" rather than giving out dates right now. But as soon as the meeting ends he sends an email to the client confirming delivery dates on features that we have done no research on or even specialize in!
Please tell me this is not how well established businesses work or is that the new reality of things. In either case I wanna find a new job :/2 -
Be me
Work at software contracting company
Get a new client, iOS objective-c app with ~40000 lines of code
Previous Dev didn't leave a single comment, and he didn't use a database, he used 'NSUserDefaults' -
Made a tiny-ass code change and commited it today. Put in a proper enough commit message as well (any dev would have understood).
Not 5 minutes later, my manager calls me (I was happy that my code was being reviewed so quickly) and asks "why did you make this change?" So I started explaining it to him. End of the discussion, turns out I had to give him 2 details: "it was a customer request" and "<insert client name here>".
Why did I ever try. Rather why didn't he try. -
Just about every meeting goes the same way. I (or a different developer) explain something to the client and they agree and say it makes sense. Great, that takes 5 minutes. Then the project manager jumps in and says the same thing all over again but takes twice as long and confuses the client. By the time I (or the other dev) are able to clarify to the client the boss jumps in with a random comment that is either completely irrelevant to the discussion at hand (showing he wasn't paying attention) or that undermines all we had done up to that point. At this point the project manager then sums it all up with something like "great meeting" and "we'll send you an email". Now both the client and I are confused about what is going on... After the meeting the project manager again reiterates everything that we had already said. A simple 5 minute meeting is now 45 minutes long. So. Stupid.
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My first gig straight out of uni was on a project where my role required fixing an FTP client to upload files from a clients machine to our server. It was a spreadsheet. VBA. An excel spreadsheet. FTP client. A spreadsheet.
Me: "why are we using VBA for this?"
PM (was a dev 10+ years ago and started the basics of this 'ftp client'): "VBA is great." *Stern face*
Brilliant3 -
Client : you are hired as a developer.
Me : we need more developers as there's more work and less time.
Client : Ok, here's another dev
(Meanwhile me doing my work...)
ON THE DAY OF DEMO :
Me : Here's the demo.
Client: it's incomplete, where's more work?
Me: that's the part of 2nd dev you hired before
Client : I don't care, I fucking need a work!
Me inside: (Why the fuck would the first dev becomes a task/team manager just because is the first one to join the project! Arrrgh!!! Hire a fucking scrum master to manage your fucking tasks/team, am just a fucking dev! )6 -
The reason for half the web-dev world sufferings is that Microsoft won't stop choking their users with explorer or edge, and half of the client are too dumb or lazy to download a different browser to test stuff. Fuck this shit man! Nothing works the way it should on this bitch.
Everytime my manager says- It should work perfectly on IE because client doesn't have any other browser, I curse IE for exisiting. If you can't improve it, just remove it you freakin' sadists. It'll not be an embarrassment to load something better on your OS. If anything, it'll get people to like you maybe. Like you for accepting your fuckery and making a decision in favor of the web dev world and innocent windows users, who only use your explorer to download other browser asap. For just that one time and for all your arrogance, you're making the whole world suffer.2 -
INTERVIEWER: Let’s say client wants a gif in the EDM design but older outlooks don’t support it. How do you solve it?
ME: Maybe we can try using iframes if outlook supports them and host gif somewhere and use iframes to show it.
INTERVIEWER: Any other solution?
ME: We can probably also detect the email client and just show gif for all other email clients but a picture for outlook.
INTERVIEWER: No but the client wants the gif to show on all email clients
ME: But outlook doesn’t support gifs!!!
INTERVIEWER: yeah
ME: …..
INTERVIEWER: …..
I thought maybe I missed something having been a junior dev and never developing edms. So jumped on the internet after the interview and my second answer is literally how everyone does it. What even was the point of that question? At no point she said yeah that’s a good solution and that’s how we do it in the industry. If outlook doesn’t fucking support gifs then what the fuck kind of solution am I supposed to bring to the fucking table in 5 fucking minutes.7 -
OMG. Just had the worst convo with my supervisor. She's a dev and she does not understand why scalability is important.
We have a really bad client who has a fucking insane amount of pages and they want to change some stuff on a few and my supervisor just said manually add it in with if satements.
I replied saying this client will want more things changed let me take the extra hlaf hour to make it scalable.
She responded no just do manually.
I wanted to get in to rant about how scalability is important but it was the end of the day and I was to tired.4 -
[Working on some really "urgent" report for an about to publish project]
dev: client, can you explain what this value is? we can't figure it out and we though tha...
client: im gonna stop you right there, DO NOT Analyse! we dont have time for silly questions, if the design says there's a 10, just put that freaking 10 in that place...
dev: but sr, we need to...
Client: what did i say? just stop saying things and build it!2 -
Be me, get a consultant job, go to a supposedly great client that has fame of getting scouted by Google. (attn: I doubted all this shit before I started)
Learn the basics by a awesome mentor and trial/error stuff at the same time to get the hang of things, after that was done, I noticed there was no documentation whatsoever, code is spaghetti and your documentation, good luck!
Royal spaghetti, you can't make heads or tails of it, dev code in production, empty try/catch blocks, empty statements, if (true)... (incl. their core classes)
Keep in mind this is a multi milion dollar company...
Someone please understand my pain...6 -
Here at the client site everyone uses Windows 7, since this is not an IT firm. They make jewellery. So I don't blame them.
The problem is their in house dev team are also forced to use Windows.
Today someone from their dev team was with me for a new project. Their senior guy sent us a mail mentioning that the project code is on AWS EC2 instance and we will have to SSH to see it.
I checked the code on my MacBook with SSH and copied it to local using SCP. The dev guy was seeing it in amazement. I asked, what's it?
He just asked, "You don't have to use PUTTY" 😮
I smirked 😏3 -
I work as a freelancer and one time I had a client that needed some work done on a crypto website. I was so hyped up because the money was good so I jumped on it. Fast forward 2 weeks later I still couldn’t figure what the shit I was doing as the client kept asking for update.
Yes, I have experience with blockchain but my skill on Javascript just couldn’t help. I did google and also ask questions on S.O. but it wasn’t enough to get me on track.
At the end, I reached out to the client and apologized for not being able to meet up with their request and then recommended someone else.
So I’d say “I lost faith” on my skill as a Javascript dev at that moment for not being able to use some blockchain APIs effectively and also look forward to improving my catalog.2 -
We rewrote the whole thing, except for iFraming some old pages in. We had to, the system was fucking awful and couldn't cope with any of the new mission critical requirements.
Client didn't understand the scope. Our project leader somehow snuck it in and we worked on it for months. We were sure we'd be kicked off the whole project... Somehow things didn't crash and burn. How it didn't blow up defies rational thought and the laws of physics. The new system worked, the client was happy, and boss made a lot of money.
Lead dev worked weekends for what feels like an eternity, it really was his baby and no one else on our company could have done it. It's where I finally learned how to do things the proper way; DDD, unit testing and TDD, architecture, building strong components in front-end, you name it. Before that I had a great nose for code smells and how not to do stuff, but now I got to see a proper system for the first time. It was glorious.
Then lead dev left and the system degraded quite a bit because new team didn't keep to the architectural patterns or general best practices. But we had a good run.1 -
What the best database solution for web and smartphones dev?
Is mysql the good choice?
I’m an “old” dev with old usage, php-mysql-JavaScript.
Is it a 2018 solution or am i a dinosaur?
All data will be stored on server side. Web and smartphone app as client.
Thanks for your experience sharing.6 -
I coded part of feature 2 months ago.
Left it to help frontend guy a bit, deal with fire after release. ( we’re missing frontend integration tests and every release is pain in the ass ).
My backend code coverage is about 80% so not much can go wrong at this point.
So I added more code today and it looks like new feature is working but don’t know what the code I added 2 months ago exactly do.
The only thing I know is that it definitely needs refactoring ...
Being only backend dev / release manager / administrator/ dev ops in project is painful I need to deal with everything on my own 😔
At least client doesn’t care if it’s done in one week or in one month right now.1 -
The client wants the booking project to be all in JS Framework (not specifying any) and NO PHP since client hates PHP (and I don't know why) from the very beginning when the only dev was my former front-end partner (lead dev).
I was wondering why the client still continued the project, YET the file extensions were still on PHP. I asked the lead dev what happened and answered he didn't know know how to start migrating to JS framework and just started NATIVE PHP.
Still, as being a good dev and a supporter to lead dev, did accept and the project as lead dev's assistant. Fixed bugs, enhancement and responsive (DEMMIT, I FREAKING HATE RESPONSIVE) and later complained why am I doing front-end tasks, when it's not my task, supposedly. I EXPECTED MORE ON BACK-END TASKS!
(HERE'S THE EPIC ADVISE GOES AND CALLED OURSELVES MASTER)
Me: Master, why did you not started the project in JS Framework instead of native php?
Lead Dev : You know what master, this project has been already done if the client allows US to use WordPress for this project will still be migrated to JS. And now, WE are trapped to make every window size be responsive since there are already a standard for each window screen.
Me: (DO NOT INCLUDE ME IN YOUR FUCKING SORCERY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID THERE AND WHY D'YOU ACCEPT THIS PROJECT, SLAVE, WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO IT, IN THE FIRST PLACE. STOP BEING A DICKHEAD AND DO NOT WASTE CLIENT'S MONEY AND EFFORT FOR YOUR USELESS BUNCH OF SHIT!) Indeed, responsive is a such a pain in the arse.
Lead Dev: Maybe, let's just finish our tasks first and wait the project to be migrated to JS.
P.S. The project manager and client asked me if I do know how to migrate the project from native PHP to JS framework and sabotaged lead dev. OFCOURSE, YES! But, I did not respond that quickly, unless eerm, you know, I earn greater than lead dev. Truth be told and practically speaking, it's really unfair for me if I accept the back-job when the lead dev delivers inaccurate deliverables and earned greater than me. No way, Jose!
Now, I am not working with him because I'm super done with him and later did I know, lead dev is looking for Drupal dev to be working for the booking project. -
- They had an error in production
- Almost one year without looking in this codebase
- Last backend dev in the building
- 1h debugging and reading the Stack Trace
- Had a feeling, and changed the place of a single asterisk (groovy's spread operator in the wrong place)
- Now everything is working, our PM is happy, and the client didn't even noticed
- Probably the shortest commit I've ever done
It was a good day :D
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Old story, happened some way back. I worked part-time for a small web development company that did between other things something called SharePoint development, basically .net webforms with shit glitter on top of it.
The most weird part of it, was the fact that we were working on vms that hosted the app, it was our dev, test and staging environment, as well as were we showed the client the polished turd.
Did I say that it was on a vm? Well it was on a remote vm, that each of use had access to it, through our domain accounts, and they couldn't configure the windows server to accept more than two or three users at once to be connected.
That was our test enviroment and dev enviroment, sooo showing the app to the client meant for the rest of us to not write any code because it might crash or get stuck.
The app was accessible and discoverable by url and through google search from outside, I dont think that should have been allowed.
The most disastrous part was that we had NO source versioning whatsoever, just plain old copy and paste in different folders.
Deploying to client meant remoting to the clients host or whatever it was, and manually copying the source files
If someone wanted to debug the application you had to shout, and you also could hear it, in the office: "I'm debugging!" or "I'm deploying!". Because we were on the same machine, there was only one process with the server and it meant that if you debug or deployed it would block it for the others.
Should I talk about code quality? Maybe not.1 -
Not dev, but a perf-eng confidence boost.
Our company was hired by a client to onboard perf-testing process and do some perf-related go-live stuff. Basically, make sure the app meets the SLAs.
Our company mobilized some internal resources for the task. The had 3-4 months. 2 months later they realized they won't pull it off. What a shame...
When the threat of dropping the ball and losing the client and recommendations became very real, they engaged us. Half the time, half the resources, a worried and annoyed client who now wants to control the whole initiative.
During the first 2 meetings we get the general idea of what they have, what they want. We take some time to prepare a plan to make it on time. The client argues our plan, mostly because one of the main points was mocking downstream dependencies [integrations]. He asks, then demands to do it all with live integrations. We explain why this is an incredible risk and why we should do it the proposed way. He disagrees.
Alright then... Maybe he knows smth we don't. Let's do it the risky way...
A month later test results are far from the target. I did my best with app de-bottlenecking and fine-tuning. But since the live integrations do not deliver, they hide other bottlenecks. The initiative is stuck.
Finally, the client agrees to do it with mocking. But now there's no time left as it will take almost a month to prepare mocks...
The client agrees we should have done it our way from the start. They postpone the go-live and we carry out our testing and tuning the right way.
That was one expensive and long "I told you so". But it boosted our [perf team's] confidence to the top and beyond :)
don't tell us how to do our job, unless you do want extra expenses -
Today a co-worker (I am going to call him 'boss') ask to another co-worker (I am goin to call it 'useless piece of shit' or 'ups') to explain to me a new task, becaus boss was to bussy with a new release for a client.
Idk how but ups managed to explain all wrong, like terribly wrong.
Ups: "Dev, all you have to do is fix some queries from local files"
Dev: "Ok, seems legit"
Try the local files, nothing happend
Dev: "weird... ups why this is happening?"
Ups: "I know the same as you, ask boss."
Dev: "boss this."
Boss: "what the actual what? ... this is all wrong. The config file is in mongo, in this IP, we don't use local files anymore. I tell ups to explain this to you so I can atay focused on this other task, but now I lost the double amount of time"
Dev: "oh... sorry, I will fix the remote queries"
I hate ups, every fucking time soneone need something from him this happend or worst...1 -
Reading IE rants on here and I'm confused.
If a client/boss asks to have something work in ie 8, for example, why can't you just say...
No.
"No, it'll waste a hundred hours in Dev time, costing you at least 5 grand or more. please have your users upgrade to the latest browser, it takes them five minutes."
Or am I just naive
Just... Why can't you say that.8 -
Demo for client goes bad when we encounter a bug adding a new entry into the back end. Entry shows up in the admin but not the front side.
<thoughtbubble> "I can't believe this, we just tested it! How can this be? How? How?" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps, the cache? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps the front side is pointing to dev? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "Oh shit... make something up quick. Make it sound good." </thoughtbubble>
Tells client we'll have to look into it. (real smooth)
Looked into it and it turns out the bug was actually a feature. Apparently when you assign an "end date" to a date in the past... by design, it won't show.
However, was it bad UI? That's a different argument.4 -
Client: we want to double conversions and Facebook likes by end of year.
Dev: (internal: this is impossible) So what's the plan?
Client: *blank stare* ... -
New in my job
Start to work on a abandoned project for one of our client not very happy cause the lack of update
Go for a critical issue which exists since 2 months where everyone was telling me that they passed a huge time working on it with no answer
*check error*
*check code*
The code is so fucking much not DRY so I was able to see the same 4-5 incriminated lines elsewhere
*see that the request is lacking of one parameters just has the error suggests*
*copy paste the missing line*
*it works*
I’m now a hero for them but they become fucking peasants for me
(In addition, when code reviewing, some one had the nerve to tell me that “haha it was nothing much finally, it was easy”
To him : fuck you, eat my 💩) -
Bug on trouble ticket system:
"I get a Nullpointer when i call this REST API *stacktrace*"
- It's not a Nullpointer
- It's a problem on your client http
- *Copy message exception, paste on google, first result is the solution"
And he's a DEV!!!!! -
[tl;dr at the bottom]
(Project Team Group Chat)
dev: @Desing team, i have a question, there's a required field missing in you design, can i go to your desktop to get an quick answer/explanation about that?
design team:....
dev: hello..?
PM: [writes a huge text to tell me that i can not interrupt them even if its a blocker and that we (dev team) shoul write them down and tell them only once a day in the scrum meeting]
dev: uuumm ok
-next day-
dev: so about that field, why did you...
Client: WHAT? There's a problem with the design!? oh boy, lets re-check every view right now with the whole team!
(it took like 2 hours, the field was missing just because they forgot that feature)
PM: okay, @DesingTeam, answer any questions from developers when they ask you...
tl;dr
we spent almost two hours with the client just because desing team didn't want to answer me a little question -
Client: I need you to clean up the database and remove all rows [with children] with a timestamp older than 5 years
Team: OK
Team [internally]: we definitely need a dba for this
Me: dba? Why? A junior dev can do that
Team: yyeeaahh, but still.. A DBA would do it better. You know, foreign keys and everything
Me: ....8 -
*Dev is non-native english speaker
Dev: we need the VPN ip.
Me: the server ip or the connected device ip.
Dev: the server.
Me: gets the ip.
Dev: this doesn't work, is this the VPN ip ?
Me: Gives the device ip. Works.
Dev: OK. Works now.
Could have just asked for the client IP in the first place but s/he didn't know how to.
I have been trying to freelance for people who don't speak english as a first language and getting the Requirements is the hardest part of the job. 😫 .
P.S. Suggestions needed from remote freelancers. What's your workflow like.6 -
So I've been working a project while now. last week we got a lot of changes from the client and the boss suggest we pull one of the senior devs from another project to help out. All good...until I checked the code...WTF!
For ex we have a method that checks and update weather info, if required, and returns a view(100 lines of code). so the client wants the weather to display differently in certain areas. exactly same data and everything just the view to look different. easy right..? Mr "senior" dev duplicates the method each time and just change the return statement to a different view...Fuck me right? Oh and 90% of CSS statements ends with !important. senior my fucking ass!3 -
When in an application security talk put on by our cyber security department and one team (not mine) is being chastised for only doing client side validation, another dev asks so at what point can we trust the user? A few people nod and indicate they want an answer, and the speaker, said never, you never trust the user.
I can't believe people can graduate and get a job and keep a development job, especially in a highly government regulated company like where I work2 -
* Fix sleep schedule
* Eat better and gain 20 pounds
* Don't yell at future contributors
* Be very kind to everyone except that one "client"
* Review every PR with patience except that ones from that "client" because I am a petty maintainer
* You'll never understand the pain, "client". Be a human or eat shit.
* Maybe be a maintainer at a different open source project so I don't have to deal with script kiddies 24/7
* Fix sleep schedule so I won't be dev ranting at 6am3 -
We take over development of a live customer facing system and PM agrees date for our first code deployment with client CIO
Me: The dev and staging environments don't have any test data currently as the old agency screwed it up
PM: Well you better load some
Me: There isn't any... It'll take 10 days to copy prod db due to hosting provider SLAs, leaving 1 week for SIT, UAT and performance testing (assuming they don't screw up)
PM: Well the date is set, 1 week will be enough for testing2 -
Just keep getting the dumbest tickets from a client as a Frontend dev.
I told them I am a backend and even my contract says backend but I made the mistake to help them with some themes.
So fucking ready to take other interviews where I don't have to deal with bullshit colors and fonts anymore.2 -
Had to fix all bugs of my colleague this night because our client was not happy.
Before he joined us he worked as a database admin and now he wants to learn web dev and coding. But he did so bad mistakes like endless loops or requesting api 5 times.
In so tired now, happy when its christmas -
Well, our client had purchased some inbuilt e-commerce platform and that was assigned to me for customization.
From last one month, stripe connect payment issue was stuck, I was looking into it but no luck, I even updated my boss that I need help from some senior dev. But no luck. Ultimately Today I want to give up on this project, just making my last tries.
And found the issue its just one variable is not set and causing whole payment method to failed:(
huhh.. But Finally relax , Today is deadline of the task. Happy that I completed.1 -
Having to work until past midnight on some shitty site amends because one of our account managers made a promise to client with a deadline attached, but then didn't bother getting any Dev time booked for the task.
I found out about this the day before the deadline when I was about to finish work for the day. I was not amused... -
My team and I worked superrrrr hard for a client and help her build online presence, make graphic designs, motion graphics, Facebook posts, Instagram posts, digitalmarketing. After two weeks, she announced she is shutting her business down. All that hard work was for nothing.7
-
I guess no one except designers know the pain of dealing with clients.
I am a dev and a freelance designer and sometimes my patience drops to zero and walks out from my desk and try to sleep, just to not break stuffs out of anger. You guys think dealing with a designer is an issue? Try dealing with a dumbfuk client!2 -
Robbery of nearby future :
A broke dev decided to do a robbery by stealing the whole DAVE -2 system from the Tesla S3 model
While asking why he chose a drastic path as this, he said "My client wanted the training to be ready within 2 days and I couldn't arrange that much GPU in such small notice, so decided to do what I did.*ignored(But I reinstalled it back in the car)*
As you can see, client's have turned into money hungry, cock sucking, fist fucking, and God-knows-what-fetish wanting prices of shit"
Over to you, Clara
3 -
Because the client had me roasting on a spit in nearly impossible features Hell for an entire year on a piece of custom software that ate up all the budget and my profitability, I completely forgot about a major other requirement that now will take me months to integrate. And they still haven't paid me for my other work so I can pay my other dev. My vendor/client negotiating "prowess" got me from "still not paid" to "indentured servitude".
FML. How did I convince myself that I'm good at business relationships?Why did I think I would be able to do custom software? I need to stick to just designing websites as a rank and file employee. No, actually I need to disappear until North Korea starts thermonuclear war and nobody cares about software anymore. -
The most horrifying thing for any Android Dev:
The client wants to build a media app and owns a Samsung device!!!1 -
A client wanted his site to be finished earlier. The boss said ok if the client would pay more, and he did. However, a FE dev got sick (virus infection he said) and would have to rest for an extended period of time. The PM came in yesterday and said, "Alex (me), we are running out of time so you will have to take (FE dev's name)'s position because you said that you learned basic html/css when you were in high school." The PM left and close the door before I can turn my head away from the screen and say something (I was like WTF?). One of my BE colleague, who had been asked to do similar sh**t before when a FE guy got sick, pat on my shoulder and said, "Alex, you have won the lottery this time." Q.A.Q..I have just finished a navbar with 4 tabs using Uikit, it took me 90 min already.2
-
Dev-tip of the day:
Always make sure that your database table fields are long enough to hold the entire third-party API client reference ID, so that the last three characters won’t be cut off..
I’ve been “crying” here while debugging for the last hour because my API function and everything else worked, but the result wasn’t showing up in the third-party application (their API returned a 200), but when I tested it with their API sandbox application, it did show up.. -
Trying to explain a game developer in a community, why its a bad idea to only make client side patches for equiptment to appear correctly..
me: because the server needs to be aware of the changes made to avoid faulty calculations, for instance if the client calculates a fatal but the server disagree..
dev: but it works...
me: yes, but not optimally.
dev: Working as intended (TM)
me: ... teh fuq?
not sure if he's a bad troll or wut..1 -
*Friday morning*
Me: "Ok the client wants to talk with you on Wednesday at 10 am. It's a conference call on Hangouts, here's the link: [ link ]. Be on time, I have already sent you all the details about the topics you'll have to cover. I will be available during the weekend if you need help, we cannot afford to make mistakes"
Smartass Dev: "Don't worry, I am on it"
*Tuesday, after lunch break*
Me: "Just a final check: is everything clear with my email? I'm working late tonight, call me if you need something else. They'll probably share some slides, be sure to join from your laptop: [ link ]"
Smartass Dev: "No problem, I am fine"
*Wednesday, 11.15 am*
Smartass Dev: "Hey, what a shitty client! I waited more than an hour and they did not even tell me that the call was canceled. This is so unprofessional."
Me: "The call was not canceled"
Smartass Dev: "Dude, I had my phone here on the desk. I was ready to answer but they never called"
Me: "Did you open the link?"
Smartass Dev: "What link?????"
Me: "It was on Hangouts, I sent you the link twice"
Smartass Dev: "Really...? I'm so unlucky these days. Next time will be better 🙂" -
A bit late for wk61 but here goes:
Does anyone have any advice for an older dev (just turned 50) during job hunting?
One of the devs on my current project was let go some years a go, and hasn't found a new job yet.
He keeps applying to positions, but keeps getting rejected and being told "we went with another candidate".
Choosing the young buck who will leave in a year over a older dev who still can contribute for ten years seems like the most common descicion.
I hired him on the current project I'm doing for a client, which is on iOS, and I've thought him swift and the general process of development on ios. And he's taking to it really well :)
I hope this will better his chances, but the current client won't have the resources to hire someone full time now.6 -
TL;DR Shit programer trying pass off stealing code as "Recycling"
Backstory:
Client hires senior dev. He lied and knows nothing. Has been causing havoc in production since day 1. My crusades to defend production have been without much success.
Since he wants to LITERALLY put his name on every big project, he finds any reason to make a new version of it (or make a slight astetic modification) to say he did something.
The client doesn't know or care about the programming side of things. Which means it is incredibly difficult to get him to understand the issues this brings. Not to mention that the "senior dev" is acting as a consultant to the client, altering the facts.
Story:
The piece of shit, is trying to make a new version of a big project. It was originally made by my mentor. Again, if you are using someone else's work to complete your own, I don't care. But if you take 99% of another person's work and then say...
"I took and existing project, which was similar to what I'm trying to make. Then I modified it to fit our needs."
Fuck you man!
You took someone else's work. Now you're trying to present it as your own. No references to our team. Again, there is literally nothing new about this project. It's exactly like the original. The client didn't even ask for this.3 -
website dev on hold cause i am waiting for texts/images.
client: why i dont hear from you. site will launch on oct. 1st.(real: late oct.)
me: on hold tull i get those things from you as we said in mid aug.
client: i am really pissed of. you got 90% of the stuff so work with it.
the thing is im waiting for some images to create the design. now i am really pissed of. hate clients that wanna tell you how to make your job. what would you do?3 -
Working for unappreciative fucktard clients who believe they know more about dev than a seasoned professional and try to give me advise on how to approach my work and or solve programming issues. FUCK Sake if you know it then don't hire me you fucktard client.
My best experience is working for a small company and bridging their disconnected systems together using an array of programming languages such as Go, PHP, VB, Batch Script, Javascript and C -
Back on my university internship.
I knew nothing about web dev and it was a full stack role. I was taught nothing and just sat down and ran entire solo projects for websites and web apps. Everything was down to me including client contact.
Taught nothing and had to learn the entire stack on the fly whilst trying not to get fired or lose clients. Company had no version control for these projects, no quality assurance/testing, no frameworks or anything.
The first 3 months were not a good time. -
when a dev with absolutely no knowledge of the systems or whatsoever, tells a client "sure, easy. we can get your password if you forget" and that client then comes to you and doesnt understand he has to use the recovery function because its encrypted using a slow oneway hash...
needless to say, that dev thought passwords were stored in cleartext.. -
Who has two thumbs and just messaged another dev about the project while they were screen sharing with the client...2
-
I'm mostly .NET Dev, working on OCR thingy, but I started as Java, Android Dev. After my boss's crappy management and burning out our two mobile devs he has assigned me to finish one app. For past four days I've worked around the clock to finish as much of functionalities as I could but it simply wasn't possible, especially because project was still changing when though deadline was around 15.12.17. Yesterday I've done as much as I could and now we have to wait for the client to either accept it or break the contract.
To be frank, I think that losing money would be like a bucket of cold water for my boss. All of us, me and those two mobile devs I have mentioned earlier, are students. We have exams right now. "Senior" Dev is only year older and will soon be applying for his engineering degree. Year after year situation like this occurs and boss haven't learn a thing.2 -
Ok so today marks one week of harrassing our client to deploy.
Finally she calls in today after agreeing to deploying tonight, and says "oh no! We tested it today, it's not ready, and we'll need this functionality on the backend tomorrow, thanks!"
So, because we don't really have a choice, we must dev a new functionality + API + interface for tomorrow.morning (it's 9PM right now) -
dev> So, I've made a list, you only need to check the empty fields of the informations you want to be displayed
client> okay, so I have done the first X lines, there are only Y more left, you can get them by yourself when you look at the ones I've filled out.
dev> "gets them", shows them the client and codes everything after getting approved.
- delivers -
client> oh, well, yeah that would be correct but *insertvery specific industry information that only people knows that work in a management position in this industry*
-- like, just fill out the information I am asking you for, then we would have had not a single problem
-
Project is dammed, is broken, we complain about it for almost 3 months, daily, code is old and client is full of bad practices and is always searching for a way to blame us for his failure.
Administration decides that best solution is motivate meditation techniques on dev team1 -
In recent time my anger comes from a junior dev who keeps saying he's got no time to test and breaks working code leading to others getting the blame and the team leader not addressing the problem.
In the past it was micro managing managers who thought they knew how to make a UI best, and also that one project where they gave a client carte blanche on changes to avoid legal trouble. Nothing more infuriating than multiple people telling you how to change things over and over while you're being passed around in their power struggle.1 -
I just think about it ...
Running docker on windows is shit
Running nginix on windows is boofff
Running apache on windows is boofff
Running WWS on windows is hugly
Install linux
All server software run like king
Don't have access to any adobe product for design and micro$hit office for client sanity because ODF is to special, i want my docx i said ... Like what do you want from me ... Shit the dev setup is a fucking mess because some enterprises don't want to wet itself in the futur...
Microsoft love linux BULLSHIT6 -
Just taken on a new client through my own business. Great news! They pay well, everything seems to run smoothly and they're a great team.
They gave me access to their Gitlab repos and all looked well...until...no branches! They have zero branches to determine what is the current live distributed project, dev project or any of the various other reasons. I don't often use git but this really bugs me!7 -
Looking back on 2020: I only did one small contracting job.
The client wasn’t putting their trust in us. I fired them. They went with another company. Almost a whole year - and the old flash site is still up there! Kinda a waste of time / but got paid for our work - and it feels great to just let shit go.
Besides that, I didn’t do any official dev work all year! I just continued working on our school curriculum and teaching. 2020 has been an R&D dream, really. I feel a bit spoiled! As I sit here in my Christmas pajamas!
Excited for 2021. -
> client has no infrastructure of the project
> dev like me still work on it
> I constantly request for mock-ups and infrastructure
> client never responds back, instead he raises issues ahead of sprint
> I snap back at him
> Client wants call now
> What the fuck
To be honest, I'm gonna take a stand here...fuck this shit man, no clear way of working
2 -
5 minutes till I go home. And server breaks... Out of space and a bunch of the automation tools have thus done harm. I'm no DevOps. But I just want to go home but have to sort it out.
-
Finishing up the last few edits on the WordPress site from hell, client is here to see the finished product, senior dev looks over at me "so are the registration/login forms and sign out button working correctly again?"
Me: "yeah I'm just checking one thing first-SON OF A BITCH"
senior: "that does not instill confidence that the forms are working"
Wasn't a big deal, forgot to close a div and, well you know how that works -
Client: drops a few devs in the standup
Everyone: wtf who are these people what what are they going to do?
Client: could you (me) help them get up and running and answer any questions they have.
New dev: where is the host file located?
Me (in my head): wait what you dont know? Wtf you have 'senior' dev in your fucking email signature. Go and fucking google
Me: c:/system32/drivers/etc/hosts.
Fuck my life right now.1 -
Okay I'm guessing everyone here has experienced something like this but...
I dev for Company A and we have various other companies and clients utilize our service. Now, a client from Company B comes to us and says that they are having problems signing in. Apparently the page just tells them "Can't sign in".
"That's odd," I think to myself, "because our failed sign-in messages aren't that terse and usually tell you why."
I look on the system, client is registered under Company B and has verified their email address. All good there. My guess? Trying to sign in to the wrong site (we have a jobs site too) because that sometimes comes up first on the googs.
We get an email from client just now: "Hi, still can't sign in. Please see screenshot below."
I shit you not, she was trying to sign in to her own company's website that clearly had "Company B" written above the sign in box.1 -
Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.
Scrum master goes home.
Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.
He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.
Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.
I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.2 -
Good Morning Folks!!!
I haven't been posting in a while, besides the fact that I went thru a crazy psychiatric crisis 6 weeks ago, there have not been much news to share here.
Now, recovering and working again luckily, I have to face again the stupid pointy haired boss.
So, this fucker asked me for an estimation to build a simple web app.
He: Hey, can you make an estimation for this app
Me: sure, here it is.
He: *to the client*, here's the estimation for the web app you requested
Client: Uhmm, can I haz desktop for winbug$??
He: Let me check with dev
Me: Sure why not, we can do F# using MVU which is basically the same as using modern web frameworks
He: Sure, I'll tell that to the client.
Client: Oooohhh, C#, we lovez C#, can I haz discount?
He: Client wants discount to make it in C#.
Me: Oh, you can give him a discount to make it in F#, I never said C#
He: But your cv says you used C# ten years ago.
Me: Sure, but is not keeping up with functional design patterns, which is what I do.
He: Ok, so I'm offering him the discount in F#
Me: Great.
He: So, project is approved, thanks for the discount, you have 3 weeks to present the product in C#.
Me: Sure, I'll start when I get the downpayment.
Me: I'm considering saying that I didn't understand that he wanted it in C#, and just do F# and not let him know until the project is done.
Thoughts??8 -
I am working on a freelance project for a software dev startup. The api service endpoints given to me is so full errors that you can boldly say it's zero percent tested and you'll be correct. The project was meant to last for a week but now it's going to a month due to the errors I have encountered while working with the given API service, so more like a back and forth wait for an update kind of thing. I am close to done building the client but yes they cannot test my last update because someone updated the login endpoint which now returns 500 internal server error. I really want to vent out my frustration to this company without loosing them to the project but honestly i don't know how to do it.
Edit: Just for a side note, about the relationship this client is my former company.3 -
Our client supposedly managed our Jira board yesterday in preparation for the release to live.
It was a mess. We have two people on this project - so our effective maximum workload is 10 days worth of tickets.
The current sprint plus the next have over 60 tickets in them, with the other "light" sprints having about 15 days worth in them.
I know you shouldn't get caught up over estimates too much, but they're in place for a reason.
The client really needs a reality check, and to be reasonable. When looking from a macro perspective he loses sight of all reason and scope, trying to grossly overfill what the two of us can handle.
A junior and student placement dev can only do so much.
I guess time will tell how realistic 16th April is.. -
Failed to make a decent demo for client because spaghetti code. I want to work on the project to sort out codebase to avoid same thing happening again, boss wont hear it and switches me to another project of which I have little knowledge of the stack when we have another guy who has experience in it.
My main project (the one I want to sort out) is so big it should have 4 people full time on it, but it has me and one part time outsourced contractor. I was hired as a meteor dev and he makes me work on an angular project like its totally easy to switch from meteor to node+angular+Jade.
I am a junior dev, boss has no idea how to project manage and ignores advice I give him.
This is going to be hell when we miss deadlines and have to explain to the client why their product has so many bugs.2 -
Having to do 10's of ElasticSearch v2 -> 6 client requests migration manual deploys of a 10-year old PHP/ Javascript codebase where the gulp build's plugins no longer work, the package dependencies have been .gitignore'd (who does that!), and dev cowboys have frequently bypassed version control by making changes directly in production.
Also, no one knows anything about it because the only dev who was supposed to maintain this app left 3 months ago due to unbearable management.1 -
So I've spent all day chasing around this issue for a coworker who was trying to help a client with a new report they were deploying to their system.
Now I learned a couple of things today because of this. Due to moving buildings, our new network completely broke our report server because the DNS can't resolve it's name. Since we're rewriting this system from the ground up, I haven't been majorly concerned about getting this fixed, but with this coming up, being persistent, I'm glad I figured it out. IT did give us a static IP for this VM, but they never bothered to add a DNS entry for it, so for the past couple of months, this hasn't worked for some reason, and now that's why.
So the root cause of my issue can been seen from 2 directions, the dev of the report, and the dev of the UI that reads it. The dev who wrote this code originally is checking very specifically for 'asc' and 'desc', meanwhile my mans who wrote the report has his order by with 'ASC' where he needs it.
(MAN, THE PREVIOUS DEV WAS GREAT)
I'm glad I was able to help him, but god damn, that took all day, AND TO FIND IT WAS A CAPTIALIZATION ISSUE, AAAAAAAAA FUCK ME -
I feel there aren't enough tutorials on "best practices" when it comes to combining server/client tooling in a monorepo.
Having done so this weekend, the tasks involved were:
* using graphql w/ express to serve requests and expose a "graphiql" ide instance
* differentiating build steps in prod vs. dev
* applying middleware in prod vs. dev
* working with a single heroku dyno
Still missing:
* hot reloading
* my general sense of direction -
Me: I will add something to the email.
Other Dev: Eat a bag of dicks?
Me: No this is going to a client, so eat a bag of penises or male genitalia. -
Some time ago I shared a story about negotiating a raise. After that I talked with boss a bit longer and he gave me a new assignment which is not really dev-related. His logic was that I know Java so I should be able to do this since system I'm going to work with is written in Java. Yeah, right.
I have to configure document-flow system, eDok, for our client. I have absolutely no idea about all this document processing and such, but oh well. It's his money.
To do so, my boss bought an serwer with Ubuntu and our client has installed it. I finished a beta version of my last project and today had to start working on this eDok shit. I tried to log in, but nothing was working. From the logs it looks like HDD has failed.
Well, at least it has happened now and not after I've configured everything 😅 -
Junior dev here
Implementing client side search functionality using Highland.js with its streams and lazy evaluation.
Hopefully I haven't bitten off more than one can chew. Higher order streams have been known to confuse me.
On a related note, Googling "forked streams" yields interesting results.2 -
So any fellow Socket.io dev here know how to reduce the delay of my app? When I send an event it sometimes takes like 10 seconds to send the data to the server then to 2 other clients using io.sockets.emit. I'm on LAN where the server and the sender client is connected with a switch then the receiver is on wifi which is connected to the same switch so it's not far away.
Anyways it uses WEBSOCKETS so it should be fast right???!?! Is windows keeping my packets back? (poor packets :( they just wanna arrive :( )5 -
Any top tips for recruiting or things you look for in an ad?
Our company has just advertised 4 roles (one was a junior PHP/JS dev role) and we got 90 applications. Only one was for the dev role, and we decided not to pursue it.
We're keen not to go the recruiter route, they cost a ton and that means less pay for the dev in the end. Plus, you've only got to look at this week's rants to see how they work!
Every day without help feels like an eternity of ever shortening impossible client deadlines for me. 😩😭 (I'm the main dev on a team of 3 including our PM)5 -
It seems to be the new trend : building "boxes" based on raspberry pi, including sensors to mesure any sort of thing, and sending data to a REST API.
Was contacted for a project like this, to make the backend for the project.
I ask to the client the credentials of the dev who will makes the embedded dev, to know the format of data I will receive and send to the "box", the client respond that "I don't need to know that", and, besides, they don't have any dev for this post for now, but I can begin the dev for the backend without that, not knowing data structure, and will receive all of that for half December, for a deadline in early January.
Tell the client that his project will never be done in the deadline, got ejected from the project, client is pretty sure he will find à dev who will do all the work in 2 weeks.
Fuckin' startup culture.1 -
Just got added to a few repos of iOS/Android apps that I'll be working on for a new client. All of which only have 2-3 commits and no further history. Guessing the previous dev was using drop box or something, I'm a little concerned.
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Nothing better than debugging 7000+ lines of css code when the theme had Grunt setup by default. (Old theme needs update because of client reasons)
Luckily the dev did a good job of adding comments. So I got that going on for me.
Trying to stay more positive this week.4 -
- Stay relevant in technology
- Keep working from home and writing code
- Try to finish some personal projects
- Post more content online
- Print more 3d stuff
- Learn Blender
- Gain CKA k8 certificate and some other cloud related certificates
- Try to find one more nice remote client
That’s more on less everything related with dev / computer stuff. -
Do you have that one person you work with that you just can't stand for whatever reason?
I've been having a tough time with this one project at work and been falling behind because we hired a junior dev and 2 inexperienced freelancers. So to help me out my boss let me use his office for the day to avoid all of the noise.
I had been under the impression lately that I didn't like my job due to the constant context switching and being isolated for the day was a really nice refresher.
Then the project manager starts harassing me at 430pm saying the client is now expecting something deployed in the morning with no warning or requirements. Way to set client expectations.
That one moment made me realize that the context switching wasn't what I disliked about my work. It's that one person. They're so bad at what they do that it makes my job so much harder. -
Question...
Bout a month back went for an interview, went well, assessment and all that, but the company was busy moving so feedback was slow.
Last week got contacted by a client of a former company who is now also looking for a dev.
Company 1 just came back wanting to discuss offer, and company 2 will probably get back to me tomorrow.
Question is, there like any reason to disclose the info to them. The second guy I know, he was client for about a year.1 -
My project late for 2 weeks to deliver to our client cause of my dev,
Me: When you will finish your task?
Dev: this weekend, it’s only bla bla bla
But he never finish his task on time.
I am plan to cut $100 from his bonus to buy new chair for us, what do you think? Or any idea?
PS: My dev will see this rant8 -
Mobile Dev...
What I wish I did: Writing a new pod to allow connectivity with your smart glasses to profile dangers while driving.
What my PM wants: Update the color on the sign in button
What I really do: Take three hours to install pods and build the testflight for the client -
I'm working on a pretty big dataviz project. There was supposed to be a deadline at the end of the month for a first full demo.
This morning I wake up to an email from the client saying the deadline moved to next Monday and they just "forgot to tell me before".
Also, the dev from the client's company who is supposed to prepare the data/API to be used for the project said he'll be able to send something at the end of the week.
They're clearly not going to get what they want for Monday...2 -
So i was trying to learn php from a udemy course. The guy there mixes a hell lot of php with html, like all the pages are .php with html content and mini <?php ... ?> Scripts in between everywhere: titles, swl queries running and displaying outputs as html with echo php variables, etc..
Now am not much versed with client server data model, but isn't there supposed to be clear distinction between the server side and the client side? He puts a form there using echo "html string" , rrcieves the form input in the string's action , runs an sql query and generates another set of html strings. All in one file.
Is it how major php websites work? On the other hand My web dev friend om who works a lot with js usually runs 2 seperate aws instances for frontend and backend and makes them communicate via apis9 -
I'm a senior dev and on my new project, I am really working my a** off and enabling the other developers to concentrate on the work, while I'm handling all of the processes in the background for the client.
I couldn't really write code for a month now, but I'm okay with it because I can protect the team from dealing with all of these bs.
We have feedback discussions right now and I received something like: You are doing your job very well, but you are nagging too much about the client and the processes. Tbh I'm only complaining about this stuff behind the scenes and never in front of the client and compared to the past I reduced it by a lot.
Situations like that are so frustrating for me. I really had a good feeling that I'm on the right track and still people complain about characteristic aspects that are not happening on purpose.
I don't really invest much time into thinking if the voice/tone could have been improved.
Just needed to get this stuff out. Also, I am thinking about starting a rant book, so that I don't share any bad thoughts anymore with my colleagues /superiors3 -
Need some advice 🤔
This other dev company is unsecure and my client which is also there's should be secure
So Im getting them to secure it but what if they only do it for my client all their other clients are unsecure and they are teaching the young devs to do it unsecurely
Huge ethical issues here... -
So I was wondering... What's the worst burn you've seen from an unknown angry dev that you had to clean up?
A recent one of mine was a client in need with nuked hosting, nuked domain records, no backups, no access to any accounts and the business set to permanently closed on Google.
I thought that last one was a nice touch!1 -
Discus always before how much ur client have to pay! Worked round 3hrs each day on a range of 6 weeks (6d each week) on a gameproject. After i did my work i requested my money - all i got were 50€! Just fifty fucking euros for so many time! Good that the retards never got it launched because my client (is even a dev) never finished his work or whatever.
PS: Didnt got paid in BTC 🤐
PPS: it was about 2,5yrs ago 😎 -
!rant
Imagine you're a dev for mobile apps (xamarin based) and you have a great project opportunity for a client.
The problem is that the project would (besides an app) involve a web version and you don't have any experience in web development.
How would you hire a web developer for this? Via freelancer platforms like twago, via an agency or request a project from some web design company?
Related question: does anyone know a good web frontend developer :)?5 -
Client was on a budget and it couldn't go past CMS dev work. He wanted A MILLION EXTRA FUNCTIONS and didn't believe me when I told him I'd have to code from the child theme and disregard his pre-installed full theme... fml
-
Anyone familiar with Wordpress site migration?
I'm trying to move a client site from my dev server to theirs, seem to do so fine, but all urls still point to my dev domain.
A search and replace plugin was recommended but it doesn't seem to be updating the database references correctly...or at all.
Not sure if anyone would mind lending some insight so I don't have to essentially redo the whole website over :p8 -
So I have some OPC server to pass a lot of data to another app. And this developer is telling me that a "delete" event for a tag is not arriving into that app. So few emails flow back and forth between us, me trying to explain where that bastard event goes, he insisting nothing sort of arrives on his side and it's my server's fault. Until a meeting is set with my manager and his.
Dev: so I have no actual data from your server.
Me: can you seek, please, within your code if struct X is passed on from the server?
Dev: yeah, it appears a lot of times but I haven't seen any instance with your delete event.
Me: ok then, is it any place where you implement the main interface of the OPC client? There is a method in it where all the events are sent. You can put a breakpoint and I cand send you only this event.
Dev: hmmm, I'm looking for it.
[after couple of minutes]
His manager: Dev, did you find that class?
Dev: hmmm, I'm don't know...
His manager: can you add that breakpoint?
Dev: it's not necessary, I can fix it the "delete". -
Best: working on a cool xamarin project for a few months with a very cool client which made me a better dev;
Worst: working on a shitty legacy web - a clusterfuck of technologies, crappy workarounds and even shittier clients for the rest of the year; -
I have an opportunity to speak to a large and well mixed group of web designers and developers plus _clients_ of designers and developers. Part of what I want to cover is what affects the client/professional relationship and project(s) in both positive and negative ways. I want to include your (dev/designer) real world perspective on that. So, please share a positive and/or negative client behavior or experience that typifies how hard it is to work with some clients and/or easy it is to work with others. If you have a solution that works well for bad situations, I’d love to add that to my presentation as well. THANKS!7
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Client: bug: downloading invoice pdf filename is F0000%20client%20project.pdf, fix this!
Dev: Safari browser has this problem since 2014, options are installing chrome on mac or saving file as F0000_client_project.pdf
Client: no, fix this!
Dev: 😫5 -
More system administration than dev proper, but does anyone have any advice on how to set up an OpenLDAP server for an LTSP fat client setup? In kinda having enough of the contradictory, incomprehensible, and outdated documentation I've been finding so far... 😅40
-
Last Friday, owner goes to client location to take part in a demo. Dev supervisor is gone for the day for daughter's graduation so they leave me in charge of application (which I wrote anyways) and in charge of embedded software developer. The 2 of us work hard to make sure all parts work flawlessy. Demo goes great and owner is very happy because company looked great in front of client.
Owner calls dev supervisor, again who was on vacation for entire demo, and congratulates him for a job well done.
WTF??? -
“I forgot to tell you” - a backend dev who forgot to tell me about some changes in the prices a day before we submit our site to the client
-
Exhausted af. Since Sunday been trying to get a decade old social grants payment delphi app that ran on win xp to work; and this is a couple of exes on different client/server machines communicating with cash dispensers, fingerprint readers, receipt printers as well as webcam. Apparently someone is searching archives for the source code which I will have to eventually customise to whatever the fuck "management" wants cause they want to "revive" the system. Ohh and by the way I'm not a delphi dev so now I'll have to learn
-
Reconsidering my career as Dev
Because 3/10 times when I see client emails they are redundant, awful to read, there's no acceptance criteria, absolutely nothing, yet when I escalate the issue I have to take the blame for it (idk how that happens), and on top of that fucking Epilepsy fucks me up and just last night when I was reading an email I had an epilepsy episode which fucked me up and my laptop.2 -
Client creates bug report for me (Android dev): "Customer 193796 gets a JSON parsing error when trying to access their order history."
...okay, what the hell am I expected to do about that? -
In the middle of a deployment call and the dev wants to "add a feature" on the fly (what could go wrong right!?). Next thing I here on our phone call is the client saying "great idea let's add that feature now! I'll wait to test!" Wait... WHAT THE FUCK is the client doing on this deployment call?!1
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I work my ass off on multiple tickets, some are even incomplete tickets from another dev in vacation. The PM team under estimated the time the client needing these features.
PM during stand up: I would like to thank *some random dev* for adding comments to his tickets. It is very helpful. -
Happened to me on my current project, a client said "I know that we'll have some budgetary restrictions, so I prefer to ask you a lot of features now, 'cause I don't know much time the dev team will stay...".
Thank you for making our project fail by asking too much ... -
I'm an Angular frontend Dev and the backend is python. I don't know python. Manager deployed me to a the project as a full stack. I said I don't know python and still I got the project lol. They hired another python guy to do the backend. Now my manager said me to they committed to the client that the full stack Dev (which I Am) will learn Python eventually (then maybe fire in the future the python guy because I will be the full stack God) The thing is I hate python and only want to do angular.
Now I'm forced to learn Python with this big code base backend. Talking about multiple hats. Maybe soon I will also be the DevOps guy lol have you experienced this before?5 -
Am I the only dev who works almost always for one boss as a Client but it seems to work with a 1000 different ones? So tired of continously change routes on my projects...
-
Really curious:
After what amount of time after leaving your previous job, where you were deeply involved with client side infrastructure and deployment, would you expect the credentials to stop working / be changed ?
I should state that the credentials are not service accounts, but also not distinct for every dev / devops.
I might also add that the clients involved are courier services, service providers and ... Oh yeah ... A financial institution
Also everyone is based in the EU, so GDPR and all ...6 -
Put in 2 weeks of dev, it passes QA, guy that is presenting to customer checks it against the spec and after all of that half an hour before end of work day the day before guy is going to the client to present this he finds an error (I misinterpreted the spec)... Nope, not gonna code the changes all night so it's implemented properly for the presentation.
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Client: Are we getting the finished site next Monday?
Supervisor: no it should be the week after, that's the date I have on our dev schedule.
1st week into the project, we pointed out the PM messed up the project end date (he took beginning of the final week instead of the end of week) and apparently he(& CEO) didn't bother to inform the client about the mistake.
WTF PM you f-ed up every single project since joining the company -
Any tips for getting into the freelance game?
I’m a FE dev (React / TS / Next) with a11y certs and 7+ yrs of experience, but am wondering how I can get my first clients freelancing?
I’ve got drafts for contracts and all the legal protection stuff sorted to prevent me getting fucked over in most cases, but am struggling when it comes to getting myself out there and actually grabbing clients.
What tips do you guys, gals and non-binary pals have for someone wanting to break from big-corpa and to go into this new direction?2 -
Ask a client to populate Dev and QA environments with Prod data. They also populated prod with the data two more times.
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Why the fuck do I have to train ppl on a CRM platform when they have multiple tutorials and I am a backend dev.
Not a fucking CRM dev.
I dont give a shit how the client wants to do business. I just build their tools. -
Javascript drama is a never ending horror. I was building an app for a client that says he want reactnative and I used The Platform module without importing guess what? I never saw an error but that part of the code didn't just work and no crashes this is crazy no wonder apps built in JavaScript don't show error in dev but crashes in production javascript is just one comedy that won't cease creating unessary bugs that should not be allowed at the first place, js is just crazy in someways3
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One of our previous clients is not paying the rest of the payments after receiving the codes. What are the things we can/should do digitally to make them pay the payment?
btw, it was a web app. we worked on the front end and the backend of the app. So, naturally we know all the API endpoints, we have the database access, and so on. So yeah, we can do so many things.
But still I wanna ask you guys, what would you do to make someone pay?3 -
I'd like to make an android Git client eventually. I tried React Native because I already know React and Isomorphic-git would have been a godsend, but the hello world example has a splash screen. Can you recommend an android dev toolkit with the following constraints?
1. Are accessible to a mobile dev newbie
2. Launch very quickly
3. Hopefully accommodate an existing mutable Git implementation2
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