Me: Can you make me some meatballs?

Engineer: No, what are you talking about?

Me: I thought you were a chef.

Engineer: I'm not a chef, what made you think that?

Me: I was looking at your code and I haven't seen that much spaghetti since Olive Garden ran the endless pasta special. I was just wanting some meatballs to go with it.

"EMINEM!"

An intern just called me Eminem! This is hilarious. People have told me I talk fast in the past but this is the first time my talking has been considered as rapping😛

Was in the barbers having my hair cut and the barber was talking about how hard drives are obsolete as everything is moving into the cloud! Blew his mind when I explained the cloud is just computers and hard drives!

So I was with my friends on the subway and we were talking about an assigment we have due this week with trees in Java. I got to say, the face on the old ladie next to us when we said "we must kill all the children left in the tree" was just epic! She must thought we were talking about beating some little kids or something... 😅

Talking with a dev friend:

- I want to create a program. Want to help me?
- Sure, any ideas?
- Yeah, I'd like to create a paint software using Java
- Cool

After 3 mins:
- Nah I just realized it'd take too long and no one would use it. Wanna play Rainbow Six tho?
- Okay

After playing for 15 mins:
- Holy shit! This game is so buggy. I could make it better

After 3 mins:
- Nah I just realized it'd take too long and no one would use it. Wanna create a paint software using Java?

Heard this from a young lady today in the train while she was talking on phone:

"Software guys has the easiest job of all. All they do is sit in front of the computer and does stuff. That doesn't challenge you does it? No offence, I mean I'm not trying to offend anybody blah blah blah...."

Ummm Sorry lady I think you just offended thousands of people although you tried your best not to offend them.

Overheard this guy talking to his friends about Python.

Guy: "Have you seen Python?? You basically just talk to the computer. There's no variables. You just go 'a = 2' and you can print 'a' and it'll give you 2! And there's no imports or anything!"

I came from a village, we have animals (like a farm), pigs, chicken, sometimes duck and goose. One day I had to work from home, bc had to come back to parents house. Our daily skype meeting was like this:

* discussing very important IT stuff *
* grandma rushes into my room *
me: sorry, but i have a meeting
grandma: i just wan...
me: but i cannot right no...
grandma: just wanted to know if...
me: grandma, I cannot right now, we have a skyp... im talking with colleagues, on the computer
grandma: * quiet voice * okay, i dont want to interrupt, I just want to know - Did you ordered the ducks?
* what I hear in headphones: collegues and boss LOLd sooo hard *
me: ffs, what ducks?
grandma: did your father not give you the guys number?
me: * starting to sweat * what guy? no he didnt, i have no idea what youre talking about
grandma: * disappointed * then who gonna order them...?
me: ...
grandma: * standing next to me, she hears the laughter * whats that?

since then, if im working from home every skype meeting starts with "Tommy, is your grandma there? HAHA!"

A girl I used to have a crush on suddenly contacted after 2 years because she still thinks of me as one of her "best friends", and was sorry that she "hurt" me. After a few minutes talking, I knew she just wanted to get her new website done... Go to hell you fucking bitch

Just got asked "How much experience do you have with the current JavaScript standards? I'm talking ES6 and ES7" in an interview with what I assumed were technical people.

I chuckled and said "I'm comfortable with ES8" as a joke but everyone just nodded and moved on..

I just walked passed 2 technologically impaired ladies in my office (the kind who think google is on their actual computer) having an avid discussion about how "You can find Ajax everywhere on so many websites!".

I was super impressed until I realised they were talking about buying dish soap :/

interviewer: What can you tell us about the Unity 3D engine?

me: well, i can tell you that there is no such thing. the engine is called Unity. Unity3d.com is just the website. it's a good way of telling if someone doesn't know what they are talking about.

interviewer:😐....

Two mobile devs were talking for 10 minutes in this zoom meeting whether "the component on the bottom should be hidden, or made sticky".

I just could not contain my laughter any longer when they showed an animated mockup comparison, and the product manager yelled excitedly: "Oh yeah, I love the one where it's very visible and sticky! But could you make it bigger for me?"

Sorry HR. I will never become a grown up boy.

So I've mentioned that I work in a lingerie store. I'm not ashamed of it, as I make good enough money for a 19 year old living at home and it allows me to spend my free time learning dev technologies and practices while I try to decide on a career. Not to mention I have more bras and panties then I'll ever need, so there's that...

But sometimes when I sit here watching my customers, talking to them, measuring them for bras... I just want to set the store on fire. I never would, of course. I generally like helping these women and talking g to people. Yet sometimes I feel like I am wasting away. Like a little part of my soul dies when I sell some things to some girl while I have a Linux distro download at home waiting for me. Ugh.

Anyway, this is just some pointless venting from me. As you were.

I am so bad at Smalltalk.. really, I feel like an idiot every time, and every time I end up in silence. Just talk to me something it-related, I can't stop talking. Does this happens to you too?

@dfox I just want to say thank you !

Most of my friends are not devs at all. Thanks to you, I can share my adventures to people that actually understand what I'm talking about.

This is priceless.

These fresh new college grads...calling themselves Full Stack Developers...
Ask them to consume a web service and I get a blank look...ask them to create a REST service and they are like WTF are you talking...
Has it come to the point that people just keep throwing around terms without understanding the inherent philosophy or idea behind them or is it like it's just to show that they are the "COOL" kids...with no actual idea of what the fuck they are doing ???

Nose picking manager.
I mean this fucker picks his nose even when he’s talking face to face,
And am not talking about just cleaning it,am talking about putting the finger in all the way and probably trying to dial a number...

Sometimes we say the customers they have to clear their browser cache but actually we are fixing the bugs they just found while talking with them on the phone.

Just noticed this while talking to someone not familiar with js and node development.

Me: "Ugh. Soo insensitive.." *angry muttering*

Curious cousin: "Whom? What? Why?"

Me: "My stupid Mac is not case sensitive so I have to mount a Unix partition and reference it from somewhere else. Why wouldn't they just make a case sensitive filesystem like a proper Unix based OS?"

Clearly uninterested cousin: "seriously?! You called your laptop insensitive? I thought you were talking about a guy" ..

Filthy casuals.

Anyone else been in a conf call where nobody cares what you say? No matter how good you explain your point. And everytime you say something, someone else just starts talking over you.

And then you realize that you have muted yourself.

Reading programmer stuff on reddit:

"C# onlY woRkZ on MicRoSoft aNd m0n0 suCks"

Someone else:

"Dude, .net core has been out for a while what are you talking about?"

Them:

"OMg I diDNt Kn0W thaT!!"

Really guys?? Its been out forfuckingEver....

this is the thing. People talk shit, spread misinformation, and just looo amazingly ignorant without trying to figure shit out properly first.

I just had the most bizarre experience of my life. I handed in my resignation letter today. About an hour later, the CEO comes and collects me, takes me into his office, and rants about me leaving and other random not even tangentially related bullshit. Accusing me of not believing in the company and not talking to him. I have no idea if I'm fired.

3 fucking years already that I introduced fucking git in this company and people still fail to grasp the fucking basics... Wtf?

If you push a fucking change wait for the fucking message ... If a fucking fail message appears telling you to pull before pushing to remote, just don't ignore it... Wtf... I can tell it is the case just by looking at the message template, I don't even need to read the motherfucker...

And its not that they are stupid, those are smart motherfuckers we are talking about...

I'm talking with this teenager that believes himself an engineer because he built a PC.

He is vehement in telling me that Linux came out in 2007 and it was Valve who developed it for Steam!

They he Googled it to prove me wrong and then... never spoke to me again 😂

I'm an Arch user dude! That's like, just one level under Linus Torvalds!

Me: takling to a colleague on Skype for business

My 3 year old son: what are you doing?

Me: talking on the phone

Son: that's not a phone

Me: ... That's right, it's called Skype. But its' executable is called lync.exe. It's just trying to pretend to be Skype. Repeat after me: lync

Son: lync

Me: great! Stay away from lync. It's evil!

Does anyone else have this? I always try to adjust the way I say things to non-hostile/aggressive (talking about things I have very specific opinions on) because I'm somehow afraid of starting a heated argument. On here, at work, everywhere.

Going to try to just speak my mind, even if that would get me into more fights etc 😅

Yesterday I installed windows on the laptop of my parents. I thought no biggie I'm just going to do something else while it installs. AND THEN IT STARTS TALKING. WTF!!!

Also it said I can turn the voice of BUT THE FUCKING BUTTON DIDN'T WORK.

I hate windows.

I'm not crazy. I just like talking to 127.0.0.1

Does anyone know if there's a Bob Ross of development?

I feel like I just need to hear someone coding or talking best practices in a chilled out relaxing way to help me through the day.

That moment when you want your annoying coworker to just stop talking or breathing for that matter.

Just put my job on the line today and went to my boss's, boss's, boss's boss to raise concerns and protect my team from terrible management. He apologized to me and has scheduled a meeting to talk to the team to let them know they are valued. Sounds like middle management is going to get a talking to. Fingers crossed.

I want to vomit everytime rich people in upper management says stupid shit like "working for money in this company is a sin. Work for higher reason"

Hello, if only I get paid as much as you earn just by talking random nonsense in every meeting, I would be glad sharing the same shit quote like that to other employees in the company.

Most... Awkward... Video call... Ever!

Ended about 7 minutes ago. This one guy... Seriously! I mean... 🤷‍♂️ Everyone thought he's just uncomfortably open but when he finally got out of the shower he panicked, screamed like a girl, fell down and covered his camera asking: "Guys, when you were talking just now... Was there anything... Like... *Weird* on my stream?"

Ok yeahhh it’s not me.

Just got told I didn’t pass an interview that lasted 15 minutes with him talking about the company and no questions for me.

My interviewers lately have just been unfortunate

Some 40 years old guy on the bus talking with his younger colleague: "If you learn Java, you know Javascript. Javascript is just more compact Java."

Request from a senior backend dev in a previous company:

Talking to the team thats responsible for the auth API's is such a pain. For this new API can we just not add any auth to it? Its only going to return details about who the email address belongs too. Like name, address, date of birth, car registration etc. No one will care about that, and it will be easier for mobile to integrate right?

Our PM is on vacation. And our CTO/CEO takes control of the PM role.

So today he decided it was time to just start a customer change request. Regardless of the customer not having approved the actual solution and estimate.

He just said that he did not want to waste any more time talking to the customer. Now they are gonna get what ever he thinks they want.

I predict this to backfire in a fabulous way. What could possible go wrong🤔

When project manager is talking about things that I have no idea but I just keep saying "Yes, I can do it"

Why write any specs anymore? The juniors don't read them, nor do the product managers. I'm just talking to myself at this point.

So, I waste time writing these nice detailed tickets, then when I go to review the pull request, the whole pile of horseshit is half done, and when I ask the product managers for resolutions, they don't have a clue either.

So just give me the whole fucking app, I'll do the whole damn thing myself. See you on Mars in 2025 while you and your pleb asses serve me fries and burgers.

Dev from MIT argued about every. Single. Thing. I said. I'm not talking language or cultural or political barrier, I'm talking about just a naturally confrontational person. Maybe it was just his nerves (people do weird shit when they are nervous), but damn if i didnt want to throw him out after "agreeing to disagree" for the 4th time in 10 minutes.

Since everyone seems to be talking about getting places late, here's my not-so-significant story about my most recent interview.

So I was told that GPS probably wouldn't work. But the instructions that I got were not specific enough to guide me - something I learned only once I arrived in the general area that I was supposed to be in.

Ended up going one street too far and talking to the wrong front desk. They kindly gave me instructions to get to my destination.

These instructions were also wrong. They left out one step and viola, I'm at the gate of the sheriff dog training facility.

Turn 'er around and finally get on the correct road. My 20 minutes early turned into 10 minutes late, just like that.

They were understanding and I got the job.

Just had le first sollicitation/interview.

Went pretty good! Nice guy, very relaxed talking/environment aaand they use Linux internally so no windows for me (if I get the job)!

Although the fact that I don't plan on staying longer than a year (maybe I was too honest) wasn't a good thing to say, it was a good interview :)

**Overheard new intern struggling with git talking to lead developer

Intern: "I am having trouble with the git repo on my local machine, can you take a look?"

*** Looks at code for three seconds

Lead developer: "Yeah, I suggest you just delete and reclone the repo."

Me: Hey Steve why are you working at this workstation today?

Steve: Cause I broke my computer and the one next to my computer, and this one is taking so long to sign in.

Me: It's probably just taking long because it's talking to the other two to find out if it should log you in.

Steve: Oh dear, can it still talk to the one I turned off?

My bro and I are going home from a concert and talking.
Bro: Man, my life's made out of problems you can't just solve by definition.
Me: You didn't tell me you started working with java.

Later I realised he was talking about problems with his gf.

Wk92 reminds me of the time when our professor spent 45 minutes talking about the difference between absolute and relative URLs.
45 FUCKING MINUTES!!
I was about to just pack up in and leave mid-class because I couldn't take it anymore. But he noticed, looked at me, then continued talking with the most annoying smug smile on his face.
He knew that if I got another warning, he could get me almost kicked out.
I just sat in the back, headphones in, slowly dying.
And he just smiled...

I hate open space offices for following reasons
- bright environment (I cannot turn off the light just for my own)
- noises (talking, discussions, chewing)
- requests and questions
- people

But I still cannot afford to be in my own office room yet.
Now I have to wear a cap inside the office like a mad-hatter and plug my ears with earphones even without playing any music.

Was talking to a woman who recently found her lost phone.
After talking about apps which track your phone I asked her if she had an iPhone or an Android.
Her response: "I've just got a Samsung eh"

The girl I'm talking to right now (not officially dating), I met because I knew web dev. I've mentioned the story before a couple times, so I'll just give a TL;DR

She has a graphic design class with my friend. The class was doing basic web development and had no idea what they were doing. I decided to go in there to help out some. Started talking to her, now everything's fun.

Here's a picture of us from Friday (you can only see my face tho, not hers). We were just being cute, as ya do.

If you're sick, just type "I'm feeling sick today"

Don't give a full paragraph of all the drugs you're talking and all your symptoms. That's just cringe.

Fuck I hate it so much talking to any of the hosting support chats, seriously questioned if it's some brainless bot talking, after I literally just answered his question (and ~3 times before that) and he asks it again

FB launched profile picture guard feature recently for Indian users ( well, we Indian men deserve these kind of publicity. -.- anyone being on Indian forums knows what I am talking about )

Anyway it claims that othersa CANT download your profile picture. But. I just did inspect element and found the image and saved it (and deleted of course. This was for research purposes). How effective do you think this can be?

!rant

One thing I love in devRant is the avatar design. Everytime I open up a rant, the replies below with avatars look exactly a group of developers talking in a bar.

It just visually makes me comfortable.

3 days, 3 fucking days into my annual leave and shit hits the fan right before Xmas weekend 🤯

Just one fucking week off seems too much ask these days let alone a few weeks, we are seriously talking about that pay check when I get back people 🤬

I am talking about my class'mates'

How about moving the chairs under the tables when you leave the classroom.

It's just a sign of decency which none of you seem to have.

Oh and hitting someone isn't fun either, or playing football with their book.

A web developer has started working on my windows.

How should I communicate with it that I don't want a website outside my windows? Will this be considered a covid layoff if I just throw it off the said window? 🤔

P. S. I'm talking about a spider, icymi.

Not kidding. I just woke up from a dream where Linus Torvalds invited us to his house. We were talking about early days of git and his views on Cloud bleed. I don't want to wake up 😭😭😭

God i love this site. Because its not a place to fix problems its not a place to share knowledge its not even just programmers hanging out and talking about their projects, no this site is as close as you can get to screaming into the void and still get sympathy

Imagine if, when a Windows version became outdated (So anything before Windows 8, I guess), Microsoft made it available in the public domain.

We could have Windows distributions, just like Linux! Imagine how weird it would sound if you just said to your Linux-using friend, 'Oh yeah, I use arch!' and they replied 'Oh, me too! I love Arch Linux!', and you just stare at them and say:

'What's Linux? I only use Arch Windows.'

...
...
...

'Arch Windows? Are you stupid?', they would reply in utter disbelief.

We all know someone's gonna blurt out 'Yeah guys! I just downloaded Kali Windows so I could learn to hack, I don't know what you're talking about!'

Ah, good times.

i fucking hate when people just make tutorials with powerpoint slides explaining and talking for hours ughhhhh just shut the fuck up and show me the fucking code u fuckin mouth fucker

Last night I compiled my first kernel module!

I'm not talking about a ./configure; make; sudo make install kind of thing...

I wrote, compiled, loaded the module and saw my silly "Hello World!" message on dmesg!

Using some previous experience on embedded I fired up qemu with a fresh buildroot image and the kernel image I just made, thus I can now test and debug without doing kernel changes to my workstation!

So yeah, I'm a little excited :-D

So... People até talking about windows update crash??
Omg....
It crashed on me after updating... I was late to bed so just pressed the doom button (power off)... Because I was coming on vacation next morning...
Still thinking about what's expecting me after I return

!dev

So, I've been talking to this girl for a couple weeks now, and she fucking makes me happy guys. I kinda mentioned her once or twice on here, but I didn't really want to say much cause I wasn't sure how stuff was gonna go with her.

But basically now, we're just "talking" if that makes any sense to any of the younger, more social audiences here. For those who may not get what I mean, it's like we're not really looking for anyone else, but we're not really official or anything. Just somewhere in between like friends and dating (she confirmed this for me cause I've made assumptions before and got hurt so I wanted everything to be crystal clear)

I actually met her because she has a class with one of my friends. I mentioned their class in my contribution to the weekly rant this week, where the graphic design class was doing some basic webdev. I skipped my anatomy class to go there one day, started talking to her (actually the day of my rant where I said I'd been up for like ~30 hours or however many it was. LIKE EVERYTHING I POST ENDS UP REFERENCED IN ANOTHER POST), and just kept skipping mainly to see her. Then my friend gave me her Discord and we started actually talking to each other.

Within like 2 hours of us first messaging we had one of those like cute couple arguments. It was over who had prettier eyes, cause I have blue eyes (that people usually say are beautiful, I posted a couple pictures here once), and she has really pretty green eyes. I said that hers looked better, but she said that mine do....She won the argument.

Since then, it's just been fun and cute and I fucking love it. SHE EVEN SAID A PICKUP LINE TO ME A FEW NIGHTS AGO THAT I JUST LOVED. It was "your eyes are more gorgeous than any source code I have ever seen". She found it online, but like at the time, that really touched me.

I'm just so excited about all this guys. She's adorable and I love talking to her. The one thing that's KINDA weird is that she has the same name as my younger sister, but we call my sister a shortened version of the name, so it's not THAT weird.

And I'm just rambling at this point, like I generally do with my rants. She actually knows my profile name and everything (but she isn't on here, she does art, not computers), so she could possibly see this, but I'll likely end up sending it to her at some point anyways.

Yeah so my colleague just started talking about purchasing Bitcoin in a store. A physical store.

I was talking to my friend, and she told me she started learning to code,
I said it's nice, and asked what language she learns,
she said she learns the "usual" language,
I explained to her that just like natural language there is no single "usual" language.
Then she said she learns this language where the text is colorful.

So I was talking to a Boomer about my job and why it's not "so easy, all you need is a laptop". And we were talking about specifically how the company makes a ton of money from my work, I've seen the contract, I get like less than 5% of what I make for the company.

After explaining a couple of things like this. They go back to then "why don't just buy a laptop then?"

Like, mother fucker! Did you just ignore my entire explanation just because don't understand it?

My father was talking shit about Apple whilest he meant Linux and I was just sitting there agreeing to him :)

fucking hosting company...

Just got a ticket back explaining that "the settings you want to make to your mysql database aren't possible with our hosting products". While they state in their FAQ that there are no restrictions applied. (We are talking about to possibility of using JOIN here!)

Ducking fuck.

Ok so I was talking to my computer science teacher earlier and he said that he would rather use vim over PHPStorm for creating a laravel project. WTF!

Normally I would be cool with it, but he has pushed faulty code to git over 8 times. I'm just done.

Mother fucking cunts should be shot into the sun...

It's worse enough when you have to deal with many things at once...

But how the fuck can 3 people from 3 different teams have the same bullshit idea to disturb a meeting and just start talking like it's the most normal thing.

YEAH. INTERRUPTING MEETING AND JUST BLABBERING ON AND ON...

Then fucking laughing how funny it is.

Upper management found it absolutely not funny.

Working from home prevented a mass murder today.

Me talking with my manager for handover before I leave. Just found out, there is an interview for my position, full stack dev.

No one bother asking me or the manager for tech interview and general manager from business interview alone by herself.

Manager: Do you code?
Poor soul: Yes, I do.
Manager: You are hired!

Shit, now I want to know what they ask to tech candidate without tech ppl.

FUCK. This person who I have to avoid at social gatherings because I find him insufferably annoying is applying to my workplace and oh my God I hope I never have to work with him, at least the company is 700 people so the odds are relatively low?

Uggggg he's the worst. And I'm so easy going. There's like two people I feel this way about (fortunately the other lives in a different city).

I am one of those individuals who can't understand a word someone is saying to me if there is any loud background noise - e.g. other people talking near me. That frustrated me so much in the past, nowadays I just say loudly and politely I can't understand a damn word because someone near me is talking a bit too loudly.

Shit will hit the fan pretty soon. We're understaffed, the team is all talking about jumping ship and all other teams rely on our work, so if we jump ship, it sinks. It's really amazing that management is unaware or choosing to actively ignore the possibility. Either way, they're fucking up big time. Honestly, if it happens, it will be well deserved, it just sucks for everyone else working under them

When the scope of a project is the solar system and we end up talking about the universe... for three days. I just want to rage quit the meeting. 😐

Today I was at my office, and one colleague from the design team approached me to ask something. Then she asked: why are you chatting with your computer? I replied to her, chat? Yes, I'm seeing you are talking with the computer... But, I was just using the terminal.

I ran across this middle school question on Facebook and the most common answer is 9.... I try to have faith in humanity. I really do.... just so its clear (I assume if you're a dev you understand the order of operations and I'm not talking to you), the answer is 59.

I hate my stupid non confident ass.

I was just negotiating for a pay for a project that I would work at after my day job, because I'm familiar with it and they really can't get a better person to finish it. And I get shy when talking to the boss and totally lowball it and now I'm working for peanuts.

Fuck. :(

Here is a brief list:
- Idiots from marketing
- idiots from sales
- the lawnmower man (while doing his job)
- sun
- AC off && summer
- no ventilation / fresh air
- civil defense siren tests (we're just next to one...)
- idiots talking to me while I'm on my headphone
- music stops
- phone rings
- light theme
- devRant
- MySql Workbench
- etc

While we're talking about Microsoft and GitHub.
This is what people dealing with billions of dollars on daily basis look like. The awkward looking guy just fucked millions of developers all over the world so he's a byte uncomfortable about all this.

Just overheard a conversation between 2 pilots while waiting to board a flight at an airport about some airplane related software. The guy talking seemed very proud (read egotistical) about his tech knowledge. It went something like... "Well you see it's open source so they are worried someone might have put a backdoor in it somewhere".

That's the point of open source you dumbass you actually have the ability to check 🤦‍♂️

!rant Stood outside talking to my next door neighbor (who I hadn’t met yet) for over an hour yesterday.

In the middle of the day.

In Texas.

Not in shade.

When I lack the ability to tan.

It’s been so long since I was stupid enough to be outside for that long that I forgot just how much sunburns suck.

#regrets

I attempted to correct a higher up to show off my *amazing knowledge* on the subject matter (aka 5 seconds of googling)

Turns out what the higher up was talking about was actually correct, but was so vaguely known that it took deep diving into the docs to even find. What I was talking about was similar and technically also correct, but not relevant in the situation.

I was still pretty new at this point too. Luckily it was online so I just shamefully deleted my comment, but they probably saw it anyway.

Tough being a newbie trying to impress people! Doesn't help being helplessly awkward as well

Woah?! Shiit? What was that?

What caused such ridiculous pain?
Oh. Just Germans talking English again.

Just had a talk with an actual good recruiter. I feel weird. Like he actually knew what he was talking about, knew that php is dead and only showed relevant jobs???

Discussing is so great and wonderful.

Doing is far better.

Joins Skype group dev talk
20mins in mutes microphone
Co worker mentions something I am working on
Me: starts talking for a minute
Coworker: randomly interrupts me, like legit no warning, he just started talking....
Me: wait what da faq

OH wait I'm not mute....

Shit

>Asks client if the proxy can use self-signed cert
>Client agrees, no problem
>Deploys
>Client complains about "an error they're getting"
>The error: "Error in connection establishment: net::ERR_CERT_AUTHORITY_INVALID"

:|
Am I a joke to you? Or am I just talking to a brick wall over there?

I wish I could just disappear into a black hole when everyone around me is talking so that I can peacefully code :(

MANAGER: "Hey Slug, I just got off the phone with $partner about $issue and they want to have a meeting with us to discuss it. Send them an email and schedule something for Thursday morning."

WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK I AM, YOUR PERSONAL SECRETARY!!??? If you're the one who has a specific day and time of day that works this week, and if you were talking to them anyway, then how about YOU schedule the meeting????? And of course $partner comes back with "Does 10:30 work?" and so now I'm just playing middle-man. Who could have seen THAT coming.........

Just saw a "Teen Kids News" show where they were talking about building complex applications like operating systems… and the background picture is some HTML meta tags…

Today I had a dinner with several members of my family. At some point my uncle decided to bring up ‘tech stuff’ so we can talk about it. Nevertheless, few seconds in he was trying to convince me that IE is the best browser, being far superior than firefox, chrome etc.
I just nodded and started talking about how HTML is the language to learn if you want to be a dev 😅😂

Holy fuck Microsoft,

you're just saying that you're giving away a ton of information to publishers when I am playing games on my Xbox.
Like data if I'm talking, chatting on Xbox Live, etc. so all this crazy stuff GA would do.

AND YOUR FUCKING OPT-OUT OPTION IS TO UNINSTALL ALL MY GAMES AND DON'T USE THEM. HOLY FUCK WHICH CRAZY DUDE CAME TO THIS IDEA?

I present to you the rubber duck I use for debugging.

that's right I dont have one. I just to talk to myself really. but what's curious is that when I do this, I tend to cock my head to a side, or turn slightly in my chair as if I was talking to someone just behind me. I didnt realize I was doing this until my cousin pointed it out to me coz it was creeping her out.

let me also mention that I used to have an imaginary friend growing up. his name's Jesse. I dont know if it really is just a weird mannerism or maybe I was still subconsciously talking to him.

Just ordered a devduck and several swappable capes!

Now I have an excuse for talking to myself ;)

I'm pretty damn tired of script kiddies talking about Java being slow like they know shit.

Just. Stop.

I hate it when recruiters write something like "I now that you don’t like recruiters, but maybe you like this offer."

WHEN YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE YOU THEN JUST STOP TALKING TO ME!

Was talking about Linux distros and on a chat group.

Me: So I got 30 gigs left. Where do I put it?

Friend: SSD's probably go to root. Don't give em to home.

Non dev friend: Did you guys just talk about drugs?

My work place is just next to the meeting room, separated only by a glass partition. This means that every time there is a meeting I see and hear all the people talking so I can't concentrate.

Me as a new manager, talking to the former manager.
Me : So what am I supposed to do?
He : You just yell at everybody's face.
Me : You know you can't do that to everybody.
He : Yes, I have.

// My First Rant

We have a developer that almost everyone adjust to what he want to avoid talking or working with him.

I have office mates that doesn't want to give tasks to him just to avoid working with him.

Even our devOps guy just did what he want so he would stop talking.

One bad experience of our devOps guy with him is that his infrastructure or other AWS stuff was blame why his APIs is not working. It turns our that his url for the database has FUCKING SPACES.

Not sure if a good practice but he wants the base url of our Endpoint to be set in environment variables instead of having DEV/PROD/TESTING and base the endpoint from there.

He said that he was given permission to study a language but he doesn't even ask for permission.

!dev
It's funny to think that in a world where we keep telling ourselves that each of us are unique, we are always forced to follow societal norms. And I'm not just talking about stuff like sexuality, even people with small quirks have to bend themselves in order to be accepted by the masses...

Has anyone ever wanted to be ignored? Like talking to an empty void, not wanting a response? Just want to be alone?

Have you ever tried to teach programming to a newbie?
Arghh..., well, now I do and I hate when they yawn. When my brain is working on 100%, when I'm trying to explain something with the hope that they understand what I'm talking about and they just ... YAWN!

Talking in buzz words is just a substitute for wanking, but without actually creeping the shit out of people by pulling out your wank organs.

I am a Samsung fan but Samsung just really sucks at UI. I mean seriously. What the fuck is this? I was driving and talking over Bluetooth, tried to change my volume and Samsung is like "Solve this puzzle first"

So... do you actually talk to a dev duck like you would to a normal person, or do you just imagine talking to it?

If you do `log.error("blah: " + e.getMessage())` rather than `log.error("blah: ", e)` then I will personally hunt you down, come to your house, and give you a bloody good talking to as to why stack traces are free, useful debugging tools, and you've just wasted my time by omitting it.

Dear Everyone.

There are like 8 things named "widget" (not that but just using a placeholder here for the actual name).

STOP TALKING ABOUT REFERENCING BY WIDGET BECAUSE THERE'S LIKE A BAZILLION POSSIBILITIES IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING IF IT COULD MEAN ..... ANYTHING

I've always wondered why Devs who are using windows seem to be allergic to any command line.
I've seen people install xrdp on Linux machines so they can remote desktop onto them, just to open up a terminal window.

But I think I now understand why.
Terminals on windows just suck.
And I'm not talking about CMD and powershell, I mean the terminal emulators.
The windows one is just awful, and even PuTTY is just annoying to use.

Yes it gets the job done but why do I have to click 4 times in some UI settings to change the font size? Just give me a zoom hotkey what the hell?
And the default colour scheme of putty always makes me want to shoot myself.

!dev

I just fucking hate people that have 10 years without talking to me and write me to ask for a favor.
Starting like: hey man how are you doing? Like you give a fuck about the shithole I'm at, just tell me what a fuck do you want and let me go back to my life.

I prefer Tabs over Spaces.

If you ever say this in a room full of Space-supporters and this came out of you before you could stop it, just tell them...

We're talking about Microsoft Edge, right?

So I just realised that one of the old GUI used in our old machine that has generated billions of dollars is just a massive popup :/

Talking about hacks...

All of a sudden every engineer at my work is a biochemist and talking about how the world is ending due to the Coronavirus.

Shut up. Wash your hands. Wipe down your laptop keyboard. Don't lick your hands after touching a surface. Don't touch your face. Just be cautious.

Honestly, stripe support is the best I've ever dealt with and I wish others would be exactly the same.

No level 0 support agents that don't know what the fuck they are talking about nor know their product to begin with, but instead every single person you chat with knows the API and even implementation details, just such a pleasant experience.

Our stand up takes an hour everyday.

Explanation: everyday the same two guys pretty much hijack stand up by talking about tickets that ONLY involve them and has no relevance or dependency to the 8 other guys standing idle. Eventually I suggest they take the conversation offline because the rest of us aren't required. Scrum master gets offended and looks at it me like I've just spat in his face.

Productivity out the window or am I at fault?

Does anyone else uses codenames when talking to coworkers so just the boss doesn't understand it?

I just started using noise canceling earbuds and holy cow does it change things.

People talking and traffic blasting down the street in front of our office are my two biggest distractions on any given workday and I haven't heard any of it all day. It's heavenly.

I also have a brown noise machine I sleep next to and I've started dreaming again because I get actual restful sleep again.

Some people have interesting, cool or exciting lives and I know u are fascinated by them... U may even fall in love . but do remember that u r an insignificant troll who is good at doing one complicated job and whose significance cannot be comprehended, appreciated or understood by the said fascinating people. So go back to your cave do the shit u usually do coz u have a deadline to meet.
-the voice inside my head

Sometimes when I read old code of mine I'm ashamed. But more often when I read others I just feel better.

(I'm talking about other webdev freelancers, not OS projects or so...)

If you're stuck with something and just cannot figure out where the issue is in your code, there is nothing that helps you more than talking the problem out with someone.

Most of the time you'll end up figuring out the solution yourself while describing the problem to him/her. =)

I hate the tech influencers that talk about clown strike and they obviously have no idea what they’re talking about go watch John Hammond before talking about what cnn said you assfuck
Y’know what maybe I just hate tech influencers

"Wow! Programming must be easy! Why did you charge us costly?"

Just because I work at home and talking to myself does not mean it easy...

PS. even now I still feel like noob in programming

Everyone is talking about Google's Pixel and I am just sitting here waiting my Note 4 to explode...

Just here to see if any of my employees are talking shit. lmk.

WooCommerce is shit

Just try to find anything in the documentation on their retarded website and you will get what I am talking about.

A billion of unstructured links. With absolutely no sidebar or table of contents.
IMPOSSIBLE to find any fuck there.
It is far easier to build an e-store from scratch, than to customize their ugly monster.

Now look Laravel or PHPunit documentation to compare how it should be.

Sometimes I just feel so behind. Even when I’m productive and my projects are going well I feel like I can’t catch up and my current skill set is not enough if I want to get a job as a dev, and I don’t feel like a bad developer I’m pretty proud of myself and what I’ve been able to do so far and I have a BLAST when I’m working on my projects but I’ll be browsing devRant, Twitter, or Reddit and I’ll see people talking about aspects that people with jobs as devs have to worry about or just people working on code that is used in production and I just think to myself well I can’t do that, and just start questioning myself.

I just read some of my old rants and it's no wonder I don't have more likes. Even I had trouble figuring out what I was talking about.

I don't know if some people are incompetent or just simply dumb.
If you're not sure what to do, ask.
If every guideline for each workflow has been uploaded, read and watch.

Don't wait until the very last minute.
Don't even act innocent when I ask and you don't even know wtf I'm talking about.
Don't "disappear" and come back when the deadline is in few days.

Just stop torturing me with your horrible work ethics.

Damn, sometimes I want to rant about something rather badly, but feel I can't as I'd inevitably mention something way to specific which would identify me way too easily 🕵️‍♂️

I'll just say talking to our offshore dev team really does feel like talking to a brick wall 😒

Every time I see #MOTD trending on Twitter I hope it's people talking about an interesting Message Of The Day that they have seen. Instead, it's just football ("Match Of The Day").

My senior colleague recently said "Don't go around asking for best practices, it's a waste of time! Just try stuff until it works and commit it".

We were talking about writing code in a new language.

Not a rant, just another story about me and the man I'm gonna wife.

We both have an upcoming job interview, and I was just talking about how at our previous internship I was using python to automate some tedious tasks for me.
Me: it's like a general thing, right, to just automate things you don't really want to do
...
Me: like breathing, and waking up, ya know? I don't wanna do that shit
Him: it kind of already is automated.
Me: *three years of wasted time at med school come tumbling back in to my brain, suddenly recalling the brainstem*
Me: oh, yeah.

People hear talking about shit like "*high level stuff* SUCKS. YOU *big tech company* FUCKTARD." And I'm just here trying to graduate without failing a CS course because my teachers want me to mug up the code and not understand it! Needless to say, I don't mug up but it's just so fucking irritating when people in your class are mugging up the code and definitions like it's Redbull and scoring stellar grades. FUCK THIS SHIT!

Honestly I love videos on YouTube that's sped up footage of someone programming a game and talking over it explaining what was happening or what they were thinking but I have only found a few channels that do it.. Hopson is one with his Mincraft in a week being my fav.. I just wish there was more..

!dev

Man, fuck pollen

Tree pollen just exploded where I live. That means I'm gonna be miserable for the next few weeks. I'm talking runny nose, itchy eyes, head fog, the whole 9 yards.

Wish me luck and bring me antihistamines

Literally slept off during this zoom call. I just woke up I don't wth everyone is talking about. Turns out my PR was up for discussion. Now I have to review a bunch of shit I thought I was done with. OS maintainers can be a pain sometimes 😭

Talking about PM, I'm still not sure whether we have one in our company. The project is managed directly by a senior engineer.

If we have any question about the doc, UI/UX team sits just next to us. We even have conversations on how to proceed the project to make us more comfortable.

I don't know aboit the others. But for me, this is sweet.

So, recently there has been an influx of AI generated absolute junk literally everywhere. We can see the internet destroy itself in realtime. And it's not even just the internet. Companies are pushing AI onto everyone in every aspect of our lives. Our fucking phones, every shitty company needs to have at least one AI powered feature that nobody ever asked for, just because it's relevant, the fucking already working search for your local files, fuckin' books even, holy fuck and all this is literally just me writing a random post without knowing what I'm talking about, because I just want to tell you that you lost the game again, see you next year.

Never enter an elevator after your PM.
I just did and he asked me to tell a job applicant (i think) who was standing next to him whether it's worth it to work there.
As I am utter shit at small talk, improvising and talking to people in general i looked like an idiot who didn't like the company while trying to get out of that conversation.
This guy just loves putting people in awkward situations.

i think ai assistants would be much more interesting / less annoying if it had a faster, snappier syntax to talk through. Like shorthand code but in the sense of talking and just getting one word responses.

Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Really.........

When you're an idiot who doesn't know what you're talking about since you've always used Google, and people give you shit for it anyways instead of just being cool about it.
😧🔫

Come on guys. This is ridiculous. My school uses Google services, so I'm pretty much forced into it. I've never really ventured outside of Google because it works just fine. I clearly don't know what I'm talking about. That much is obvious. How about trying to be a good person and help me out instead of talking down to me and --'ing my rants and comments.

This is why humanity is doomed to fail. Half the population is comprised of complete fucking idiots, and the other half is mostly assholes.

So, today is the final day of my internship, and I was almost done, until my fucking assface of a client calls me, and suddenly want 10000000 fucking things changed in a database, and I'm not just talking "Could you add this field?" Or make this default to that, no I'm talking change of relationships, schemas and the whole shebang, oh and suddenly the product also needs localization for 3 fucking languages, but it hasn't been built for this shit. Thank God my assessment was yesterday, I just noped right out of here.

People, don't be dicks, think what you want your product to be before starting the development

!rant

People just annoy me. I don't feel comfortable around them.. they don't understand most of the things I say and I hate listening to them because they usually just don't get to the fucking point.

I really think that most people are just not able to think efficiently or logically.

When talking to smart people, I really enjoy it and am able to have discussions with them that last for hours..

Is this normal or am I just "special"?

Working from home is a cool experience for me, but video meetings are a hassle. Not because of the nature of the meeting, but because I need to be sure that certain giant pillow is not visible for the webcam.

Also, for some reason I'm the only one with a stable connection, so there's a large overhead of asking and nobody talking, because we don't know what just happened

So my co-founder, tried to outdo my equity in the company, by asking me to give up percentage of our equity for his father, so that he could have the leverage.

He is not talking to me since then,
When I said politely to piss off.

Just because you are a techie people try to abuse you

Any advice ?

I have an internal perception of myself. It isn't an image like a memory is, and it's not a description such as a sentence, but it's purely a feeling. I feel it in the core of my soul, not my body. And when I listen to Minecraft volume Alpha, it transforms my internal perception for the duration of album and the feeling lingers afterwards.

By now I must have a year of in game time and hearing those sounds and seeing the old textures brings be back to the days of middle school playing Minecraft Pocket Edition Lite on my first phone.

I wasn't happier back then. I'm just as happy today as I was back then. But restoring my inner self to that time, just briefly, is wonderful.

I'm thankful to Minecraft for being a great game. It has seen many changes in it's public perception. In the beginning, it was for all ages. Deadmau5 played it, notch developed it. It was a different beast. Then, without the content of the game changing at all, it became a child's game. Then it became a child's game that PewDiePie played and it was acceptable to play without any shame again. And now, once again, it is on a downward slope to being a child's game.

No matter what the shifting sands of public view on the game is, I will always hold this game close to my heart and I will continue to play it whether it's socially acceptable or not. If for nothing else than to remind my soul of a simpler time.

Just went to my accounts in Google. And happen to go across my activity section. I had no fucking idea I was tracked so much! It even lists the app I have opened at particular time. It stores every frigging thing I do with my phone. Goddamnit! Yes, I understand I have agreed to share my information with you. But you just take everything.

Go to myaccount.google.com and head towards the my activity section. You'll know what I'm talking about if you are heavy android user.

Okay, honst question:
What the fuck is up with all that self deprecation?
I am not talking about the usual irony that comes with certain stereotypes about being a developer.

I am talking about people telling themselves that they are unable to socialize, find a girlfriend or generally justifying bad things just because they belong to a certain group.

It's not the 80s. Software devs and nerds in general are not all social outcasts anymore. I don't understand how some people can just "accept their fate as a dev" and act as if anything is keeping them away from social success.

What's your take on this issue?

Okay but whys no one talking about w3js? Its not a complete overhaul of the entire frontend shit, it doesnt introduce fucked up concepts, it literally just abstracts away those 10 functions everyone creates a function for in the first 2 minutes either way, its actually useful.

I was cozy at home, coding and talking trash with my duck, then "real" life called and now I'm out in the cold. Nothing new here, just wanted to complain about something 😓

So the company I work at is moving to a new location. We are a small company, so we were all talking about potential problems with the move - network, internet, firewalls, access to servers and so on. Us trying to cover all possible scenarios.

Our CTO looks up and says: “or we could just cross our fingers and hope for best”.

WTF🤯

It seems like sensitive websites that need more priority to work fine are the ones that do not. I'm talking about government, school, bank, & service provider sites. Or it's just my retarded country.

TLDR: dealing with other people is stressful

I hate having to explain things to people and then they still don't listen.

Especially if they know nothing about the topic.... I guess like those little kids that ask Why? all the time.

Can't you see I have other things to deal with, just do what I say because unlike you I already tried ... Or just know what I'm talking about....

Anyone else work on a project that ends up taking all your time since it is way harder than you thought, but when it comes to talking about it to your supervisor you realize just how easy it really is and you just look stupid in front of the person youre explaining it to?

Just had my second interview at Freitag and it was quite fun. At the end I was talking about anime and bass playing instead of IT stuff xD

Hope I get it :D

That guy at the office who gets really irritated and worried about newly introduced technology. He would spend 2-3 days talking trash about it, saying how much he prefers the older and less efficient approach just because he knows it.

That fucking guy.

watched a 32 min yt video of some guy artificially talking which sounded like those bloated marketing bait sites and after 32 min i realized it was just a preview of the ebook this retard was selling so he said to buy it to read it fully if we liked the 32 minutes wasted of our livves as a preview

I love how the people that stay here at this student accommodation uses the WiFi without consideration. There is about 14 people in the house with maybe 2 devices that connects to the WiFi, which connects to an ADSL line that has a speed of 10mbps. One of my roommates, video calls on Skype with his gf or whoever DAILY. You probably expect them to be talking and stuff right? No, they just have video call on but not talking just doing their own thing on their phones and stuff... Wtf? Dont they realise they hogging up the bandwidth?

Every time I restart the WiFi he waits for the connection to be up and goes back to having the video call up but not chatting... Ffs...

So everyone is talking about those Greek sign pranks right? But I got something just as bad (I haven't used it as a prank but I've just encountered it on my own -> pranked my self)

So on Mac OS you can type this character with ALT+Space and it looks like a space, but it isn't. If you don't have render whitespaces on you would never know that it is not a space... Imagine the time you can spend on finding that xD you mistyped 1character and BAM broken xD

Sitting here scrolling my timeline seeing my friends and family getting engaged, getting their degrees, getting new jobs, talking about #addictedtosuccess and all that. Meanwhile I'm just here like "Should I use a constructor or a static method for this?" 🤷🏽‍♂️

A Twitter API issue is allowing people to (once again) bootloop iPhones and iPads with the text parser. This was just submitted to Twitter's staff, I don't see anyone talking about it yet. Disable notifications or uninstall and use the mobile site.

I just spent 3 days with 1 or 2 hour of sleep just for learning a new way to code. Not a project it just for learning. And it make me crazy i cant stop thinking about that. And now im not sleeping at all and code almost 24 hours. But i feel a lot of fun while writing a line of code. I enjoyed every sound i made with keyboard.

Im soo happy now i learned a lot of things. I dont know how to stop and i dont want to stop coding.

I dont know what im talking but thanks devrant for letting me post this shit.

!ok

A guy just told me that printing variables to check for errors is better than debugging!

I am done talking to him 😂

Why do people <blank>?

This came from asking the question of "Why do people drive crazy?" The person I was talking to said you could just ask "Why do people do anything?" and the answer would be the same.

I was introduced to an Oracle dba working for one of the companies licensed for them

I was just starting out a few years in
Was using MySQL and dotnet to develop our system

Cost effective

Bastard gives me a kind of smirking smile after talking about basically representing a fucking catalog of use cases no real development and says "it just takes more to get this position"

Few years later oracle buys MySQL , the product he smirked about

Guess their system was really only good for Wal fucking Mart

Burn in hell oracle !

First day at work and after seeing the codebase and how everyone's talking about the code, I'm pretty sure I don't have imposter syndrome, I'm just that bad...

One of my first classes about networks my teacher was talking about the differences between a Hub and a Switch, he just stop the class and say a random student's name from the list.

Teacher: "Martin Romero?"
Martin: "here"
Teacher: "this is how a Hub works, everyone listen the message but only Martin answer it."

It was the best example I ever heard from a teacher, one of the best in the whole university imo.

I was talking to some people I know that I was looking for a job. My (now) boss overheard that conversation and just told me that I don't need to look any further.

I want to talk to my co-workers about interesting technical stuff but I'm too boring...they just aren't interested in talking to me. Dammit

Anything i write on this app i view it as my personal notes or a diary. Primarily im just talking to myself and you guys are just voices in my head telling me what to write in my diary. I own this land. You guys are myself. I'm talking to myself here. Im discussing ideas and events on my own, with myself and documenting all the bullshit on the journey. The wildest thoughts even the shitting ones are included. Letting out these thoughts to talk to myself makes me feel less lonely

Hey guys! So I just woke up from a dream in which I was talking with skilled programmer and he gave me awesome pro tip which I'd never realize exists!

But it was my dream so my idea. I have no idea how the f*ck this works but it's awesome. Is it just me or ?

Douchebag coworker. Asked me how my work trip went (big client demo) and asked if anything that I was "complaining and whining" about went poorly. Mind you I was bitching about having to clean up HIS SHIT because he completely dropped the ball on the project. I had to go in and finish or fix all of the things he didn't do or did super poorly. I literally just told him to fuck off and stopped talking to him.

Manager: make some AI for this project it is simple.
Me: what are we talking about?
Manager: I want to get a report about any topic in our ERP just by talking to the software.
Me: 😓

*launches devrant: * almost everyone talking about types of IDEs to use, while I sit here with just a text editor in my own farts contemplating how much different will my workflow be.

Was talking to a friend of mine and he was very expressive about companies (Especially tech companies) just wanting money...

Turned to him and said that wasn't true because if it was Motorola would make a gen 3 of the Moto 360...

(This is sort of a mini rant for me because they are too busy copying the iphone design instead of giving the people what they want and will earn them a shit tonne of money)

If we were talking - and then all of the sudden, I don’t talk to you anymore... it’s probably because you ignored my advice and chose to go to an especially bad boot camp. Now - that’s fine! But the reason I’m not talking to you is because I just don’t know how to say anything positive about your terrible decision and the terrible school... so - I’m just not saying anything at all.

talking about people with computer preferences i don't understand.

i sometimes forget i use a mechanical roller ball mouse for work and play.

which one? just google it, these are so out of fashion there are only three different models currently for sale anywhere that i can find.

Tonight I spent 5 hours installing arch. After seeing everything go smoothly I do the final reboot, only to watch the grub command line appear on the screen. I tried to boot into my arch installation but it kept talking about kernels missing and stuff. I thought I learned a ton but Fuck me. Now I'm installing neon kde just so I have my fucking linux desktop ready. Maybe someday I'll make it...

Why is everyone talking about this Silicon Valley Tv Show. I just started watching it, and i cant stop 😅😣

Today we had an hour long meeting on gitflow. The senior developer who felt compelled to arrange this meeting, during his demo couldn't figure out how to merge a hot-fix. "But you guys know what I'm talking about, right?" *Forehead=>Brick-wall*

If I wanted to lose brain cells I'd just start doing drugs, at least it would be more fun.

More than once recruiters have thought it's a good idea to phone my desk to try and recruit me. Fine I can just say no thank you and move on, it does however get a bit awkward when you're interrupted talking to your boss by a recruiter phone your desk and you've aliased their number on lync as 'ass clowns'

How does it feel attending conferences? (Good ones!)

Here in my country we don't have that many good ones they are all just some show offs talking about how they hacked their way through. But when I see videos for big conferences with thousands of people it makes me feel a bit jealous and sad that I can't attend those where you'll get real achievers (~_~)

Why did I have to be born here like this FUCK 3rd world countries.

Weekly drama call 1.
(the number reflects the devrant broadcast count not the actual count).

We work with a remote team and the project manager there just loves to talk. It started as something adorable(?) but it's just plain annoying now. He keeps on talking and talking and talking. We just muted him, had a good laugh and missed nothing. Nobody has any idea when he'll stop.
:/

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