How I've decided to answer the "can you hack" question from here on in...

"Can you show me how to hack this account please?"

"Sure, you'll need a hammer, a blow torch, chloroform, some pliers and couple of bottles of really pure vodka!"

"What the hell?!"

"Oh, it's so much quicker to just extract a password from a person, than it is to break into a system, I'm not exactly trained in inflicting pain on the human body, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out through trial and error, good luck!"

Client: This works correctly, but I don’t like the code.

Me: What exactly do you not like?

Client: There are barely any lines of code. You need to add more to make it better.

I...I don’t know what to say.

WHOA
My grandpa just gave me 100$ for fixing his TV:

-And here is you paycheck son...
-What? Noo, it was literally 2 minutes factory reset, I don't need this :D
-Oh come on. I'm not paying you because you because you pressed some buttons. I pay you, because you exactly knew which buttons to press. Now, take it!

Truly, the man of honor...

EXACTLY!

DO NOT TOUCH MY FUCKING SCREENS FFS!

Morning conversation with wife.

As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter

She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.

Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.

She: that not funny, why do you always do that.

Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.

A little later.....

She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)

I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)

- What is exactly your job
-- I am a developer
- So, what does it mean exactly?
-- I create software, applications like those you use on your phone and PC
- So you can create phones and PCs?
-- No it is not that :|
- Can you fix my Laptop?
-- here we go

Kid(age: 17): What kind of programming do you do?

Me: Well, I started writing scripts in Python, but in the last few months I moved to IOS development, so like making apps.

Kid: So you write scripts for phones?

Me: Not exactly—

Kid: Do you know what jailbreaking is?

Me: Yeah.

Kid: So do you jailbreak stuff?

Me: No—

Kid: Oh so you don’t really do programming.

:’(

B: you are not even a real developer
Me: ??
B: you are using windows
Me:
Me: what the fucking fuck did you just fucking say you little fuck? Ill have you know i have written at least 4 lines of code, commented once and have a stackoverlfow reputation of -7. I have completed every beginner level udemy course on applied brainfuck mathematics and have worked as a distributed data analyst with excel 03. You are nothing to me, every piece of code i write runs on exactly 3 billion devices and i have an unsuccessful facebook meme page. Bitch.

Was scared to take up freelance work because i was scared of bad clients.

Finally took one today, client is not a total arse and knows exactly what she wants me to do, down to details.

MFW.

Me: "We are gonna move away from Google services."

Him: "Ok. Just make it EXACTLY like Googles services. I won't use anything with less features."

Me: "Look, I can offer you something with more privacy and security under european law. It may not be EXACTLY like Google. If I could do that I wouldn't be here obviously."

Him: "As long as I'll work here I'll not work with something less than Google."

Inner me: AAAARGHHH FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I'LL STICK THOSE GOOGLE SERVICES UP YOUR ARSE SO THEY CAN SPY ON YOUR FUCKING GUTS!"

Me: "Well, in this case I'm glad that you are not alone to decide that."

(clicks on HTML tutorial video)
(ad starts playing)
"You need a website, why not do it yourself?!"

Arghhhhh that's exactly what I'm trying to do 😡

I just got a text from T-Mobile telling me about their updated privacy policy and that I can “opt out.” So, naturally I do exactly this.

After a little bit, I land on their “Do not sell my data” page and discover that, not only does it have 175+ trackers,
it doesn’t even fucking work. Also, on the desktop version of the site, the very control allowing the user to opt out of having their data shared/sold doesn’t even render.

These are all absolutely inexcusable.

Stackoverflow

When I was just starting with programming I used to google a lot (more) of my problems. But just just copying them made me feel guilty, since I could not handle the problem myself. So I decided to analyse a code to the point where i understand exactly how it works. Sometimes it took me a couple of hours to understand a method, which was written 1 or 2 levels over my current level, but it was totally worth it. I learned a lot about Java, how to write cleaner code in general and how to read and understand code quickly.

Windows tells me to „contact the network administrator“.
I yell at the machine: „I AM THE ADMINISTRATOR!!!1!“

Why is Microsoft doing this? Instead of telling me what exactly went wrong, the come up with messages like
“Something happened”
“This is not possible”
“Error 0x2342133723”
“Do you want to ask a Friend?”

I really hope the authors of those error messages will burn in hell for that!

Ex-coworker of mine fixed this bug a week after the site was launched and has gathered several thousand users in database.

Yep its exactly what you think it is, each time one user would update its infos, it would update his infos to all the users in the database.

Luckily I was not in charge of the project in that time, so it was really fun to watch how everyone's name was changing every couple of minutes for a whole week :D

TL;Dr be specific, it's actually helpful.

Client rings... "The internet is down"

Me "ok where are you exactly and how are you connecting"

"Ugh the WiFi! Just fix it"

"Ok but where are you?"

"At $companyname"

"Ok and which wi..."

"The wifi?!! Can you do anything right?"

Well... I'm allowed flexibility in terms of pleasantry...

"Ok, there are 3 buildings, 55 rooms, 2 SSID's, 17 access points, 3 routers a RADIUS server and 2 gateways... Be specific or I'll do nothing"

Simple reboot of an access point, but c'mon... It's not a secret where you are

Not exactly a security bug, but there was a company that made a Django app for some internal work and later open sourced it. I was browsing through the code and I saw that the config file had an IP address and a hashed password for the database credentials

When I tried to use them, I was able to login directly to their read replica RDBMS, I had access to all their customer data (including phones & home addresses)
Being the saint I am, I informed them of the ignorance made by their developer and was presented with some cool swag.

How a regular convo with non-devs usually go:

"So what do you do?"

"I'm a software developer."

"Oh, so you're like... a hacker?"

"No, I build apps."

"Nice! So like facebooks and stuff???"

"Not exactly. Different things, mostly tools. It depends."

"Ooh...cool...Like what?"

*proceeds to spend what feels like an hour trying to explain what I do for a living in the simplest terms, while the person just blankly stares and nods, pauses, then finally tells me their crazily infeasible app idea.*

"So whadaya think?"

"Hmm...sounds good 😀👍"

Two nginx config files for two different sites.

Both exactly the same except for the fastcgi location, document root and virtual host.

THE MOTHERFUCKING GET VALUES DOESN'T REWRITE PROPERLY WITH ONE OF THEM BUT IT WORKS PER-FUCKING-FECTLY WITH THE OTHER ONE.

GO SUCK A COCK NGINX. AND NO I'M NOT SWITCHING TO APACHE.

Client: I want you to build me something, I'm not sure jet what is is exactly but it is supposed to be round and be able to fit on a car.

Me: you mean a wheel ?

Client: noooo, this is completely different and original idea like none has ever had.

I do not understand the people that say that they hate C-like languages, because of the ; and {} they have, that are "confusing".
Like almost every modern IDE/editor pinpoints EXACTLY where you forgot something...

I had a manager who was a complete incompetent idiot (other than a fucking backstabber). He left the company ~3 weeks ago, yet I believe it would take 5 years to get rid of his legacy.

Today I discovered that one of his "genius ideas" led to the loss of months of data. This is already bad, but it's even more upsetting given that the records that have been lost are exactly the ones I needed to prove the validity of my project.

That fucking man keeps fucking with me even when he's not here, YOU DAMN ASSHOLE!!

Client: "Something is missing, like a type of BOOM or some fancy stuff, but I can't pinpoint what exactly. Do you know what I mean?"

Me: "Sure, give me one sec."
Changes font of a single word on a Web page to italic.

Client: "Perfect!"

My face: Priceless and trying not to laugh out loud.

Since everybody posted their buddys mine also wantend to be in a rant ^^

jQuery & Bootstrap

Not exactly fads but I'd like to take this opportunity to say fuck them.

Client: I need a Website, You have "complete freedom" to choose an apt design, it should be professional and creative.

Designer: Ok.

~ Makes a top-notch Demo inspired from Apple Website ~

Client: It is not professional at all, you should use yellow color for header background. Matching the yellow in the logo, text should be in red. Use blue borders. "Make it more professional!"

Designer: Ok.

~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~

Client: Change the font of the website, use something like this (shows Monotype Corsiva). Reduce the image sizes to stamp size. Give a zoom effect to the headings. Increase the text font size to 16px.

Designer: Ok.

~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~

Client: Now it looks more professional!! You should hire me to your design department! And now, as I did the major design part you are only eligible for half the payment......

Designer: <<< what will you say? comment it below.. >>>

I saw an article about the best open source text editors today. I was expecting to see atom, vs code etc. Well no, the author says "sublime text. It's not exactly open source or even freeware software, but there are lots of open source plugins for it."

Well why in world would you title the article best open source editors?? Why not call it what it is: "my lovefest for sublime text and some plugins." You could post it on your stupid blog with 1 reader per month where I would never find it and waste my time on it.

This is exactly what we asked for; but it is absolutely not what we wanted ...

I had a professor in college who was "the expert in java programming language". He had a unique way of teaching.

P: So you save your java file and run this command.
*Some error occurs*
Me: But this is showing some error
P: Exactly. I wanted to show this exact same error so that you learn that this is not how its done. I will let you figure it out how its done and it will be your assignment for the day. Class dismissed.

Not exactly a rubber duck but he shows me the dark side of the Code

Someone posted a picture of a porn actress(like a *new* actress) that looks exactly like my manager.....bruh this is killing me she looks exactly like my manager to the point that it is freaking me out thinking that she has a gig on the side or something

I can't get over this.
This is what happens when your manager is insanely attractive.

Internet wtf.

No i am not posting pictures.

Not exactly why I bought a split keyboard but ok, whatever works buddy.

not exactly devRant related but this cracked me up so hard, I couldn't help sharing

Wow vue.js, what a great demo of your frontend framework!

So, plans for 1.916496 years?

- Dominate Vue.js
- Finish 2 personal projects
- Buy my gaming rig
- Buy my track day car
- Remortgage current flat
- Expand my agency
- Work less
- Rant less

Not exactly in that order.

Tesco.com, you deep pool of creamy baby shit. I've tried to reset my password three times already. My new password has way more entropy than your mathematically impaired rules command, but apparently using password managers is bad practice. It should be about having at least one special character, not EXACTLY one. I've got lots of uppercase characters, not PRECISELY one.

Foday my father argued with me that:
* "HTML programmers" get payed a lot
* WordPress is awesome
* wordpress programmers get payed a lot
* WordPress doesn't need to be secure
* FileMaker is 100% virus-free (probably malware free), because not many people use it
* UX and UI design are exactly the same

Manager: Unit testing is not our priority.
Me: What exactly is our priority?

So we send a quote out to a client to update his website to make it compliant with the new privacy guidelines: SSL encryption, removing external libraries, removing Facebook Plug-ins, all that stuff. We didn't get a response.

On Monday, he called in a panic. "The website does not work, fix immediately!"

I check out the server, what do I see? An SSL cert installed the Friday before... Client decided to do it himself, on a Friday, without testing. He broke something, but cannot tell me exactly what he did.

And somehow he thinks all that is my fault :D

Me at school: Erh I make programs and I guess it is sort of a hobby
The other kids: SO YOU CAN HACK PEOPLES COMPUTERS AND PHONES??? :0
Me: Not exactly, I actually program websites and some games...
The other kids: WOAH CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE ME A CUSTOM GTA???
Me:

Exactly, this meme is so relatable!
I was working with MPAndroidChart (Charting Lib), most of the working functions are deprecated! And new ones are not working

"You can be misunderstood exactly once. After that, you are not being misunderstood; you are communicating poorly." - Josh Collinsworth

As a PhD student, I do not dare have hobbies. I mean, I don't exactly have time for it. I could make time for it, but then the phd would take forever.
☹️

I've been training a client for a few months now to not use Slack for sharing passwords and other secure materials.

I really thought I had made great progress. I even had him using a password manager. Then out of nowhere he sends the wildcard SSL key pair to me and a handful of other devs in a Slack thread.

At least we aren't storing important information like medical records. Oh wait, that's exactly what we're doing.

You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.

*After I have finally deployed the requested features*

Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.

Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.

Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?

Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.

Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.

Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*

Now realizing the whole "Fuck this shit, I'm gonna become a barista" was literally a midlife crisis.

Now, how do I find my way back to a brand new PhD application? Or a research job... Or a dev job... Honestly, I'd take whatever.

Side note, after weeks of being on my feet and working 6-8 hours a day, I have lost exactly zero kilos. This was a very bad idea. 🤦

So, I'm not the smartest, but at least now I have had two careers. How many of you can say that you've had two different careers in your life, eh?

They want me to be a speaker at this event , I wrote them this

Regarding this statement on the speaker form “Presentation rooms are set up theatre style with a lectern, lectern mic, screen, laptop with Windows XP Office

2007/Vista XP and a projector.” – is it just an old form?

I do have one question what does this mean exactly?  Are you actually using windows xp? it’s not supported by Microsoft anymore, so it’s quite dangerous to have unless it’s not attached to the internet what so ever and never has been. Vista… is not much better. Windows 7 is 2008 you should at least be using that I would of thought? I mainly ask because if I am going to speak about technology and computers I can’t exactly say I’m an expert when I’m using tech as old as that. I mean I’m 20 I was 7 when xp came out, I know how to use it but it’s ancient, in computer terms It’s as old as Aztec times and I’d rather not be sacrificed to a sun god (seriously if anyone who knows tech at all sees me I’ll be embarrassed and taken the piss out of majorly).

Could I just use my laptop? If needs be?

Sorry to be a pain

I am beyond speechless. My Bank forces me to use a password that consists of EXACTLY 8 characters, and at least one small character, one big and one number. Oh, and it should not be identical to the last 5 passwords.

What's the best part about this?
THEY HAVE A FUCKING METER TO MEASURE YOUR PASSWORD STRENGTH. FUCKING HYPOCRITES!

Not even a 2 factor makes via sms can make me feel save when you have such a big pile of shit behind it

It's surprising the times I actually become lazy to code:

It's not when I need to probe the problem to figure out possible solutions, but rather when I know exactly what the solution is, but will require tons of code.

Programmers are like bees!

You can domesticate programmers the way beekeepers tame bees. You can't exactly communicate with them, but you can get them to swarm in one place and when they're not looking, you can carry off the honey. You keep these bees from stinging by paying them money. More money than they know what to do with. But that's less than you might think. ~ Orson Scott Card

So my department is "integrating CI/CD"

Right now, there's a very anti-automation culture in the deployment process, and out of our many applications, almost none have automated testing. And my groups is the only one that uses feature branching - one of the few groups that uses branching at all beyond "master, dev"

So yeah... You could see how this is already ENTIRELY fucked from the very beginning.

First thing they want to do is add better support for a process... Which goes directly against CI/CD.

The process is that to deploy to production (even after it is manually approved by manager), someone in another department needs to press a button to manually deploy. This, as far as I can tell, is for business rule reasons rather than technical ones.

They want us to improve that (the system will stay exactly the same with some streamlined options for said button pressers)

I'm absolutely astounded at the way our management wants to do something but goes in exactly the opposite direction. It's like the found an article of what CI/CD was and then took notes on exactly what not to do.

Mom: what is it you do exactly?

Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.

Mom: What is a bug?

Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.

Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.

[ ] be humble, but not unconfident.
[ ] Step out of your comfort zone. Don't apply to a job that is exactly like your last one.
[ ] A good team is the most important thing for a developer. Intelligent, and nice people to work with and to learn from is more important than the salary difference between jobs.
Try to 'feel' for a good team. Ask to be introduced or to look around when you finish the interview.

My first job was not exactly a job but a freelance project. The guy that I delivered the website to thought that I'd charge money each time I pressed a key on my laptop when we met.
Had to explain to the guy that that's not how it works. That's not how any of it works.

Client: I want my site to look exactly like the design.

Me: Of course, but I'm assuming you want it responsive...

Client: yes, I want it to look exactly like the design on all devices.

Me: but that's not how...

Project manager: of course the site will be fully responsive and look exactly the same on all devices.

Me: but...fine.

1 week later...

Project manager: The site looks horrible on mobile!

Me: it matches the design perfectly...

Goddamn it.
I extended my contract at a company, also switched from 8 hrs to 4 hrs. Me not knowing exactly when the switch is happening, i thought i have to work 8 hrs till the first contract is over (middle of the month ish). Well, huge nope, it changed in the beginning of september. I managed to do 40 hrs of overwork.
They don't pay overwork. Fck this.
Well at least i can stay home more :P

Clients don't know what they want!

Was handed a detailed report and asked if I could create a webpage to dynamically generate the same thing from our database. Sure its ez ps lemon squeezy.

Simple page and database query. Boom, done. Exactly matched what they gave me.

They ask why some of the data isn't there. Uh well you cunts it wasn't on the original report...so it's not there obviously.

Top reason not to be a dev:

If you can't stand it when the computer does EXACTLY what you told it to, and don't have the patience, curiosity, and interest learning how to make it do the thing you wanted in the first place. 🙂

Our clients get links to a WebGL application which is rendering a modified 3D model and displaying some data in real time (domain irrelevant).

Today a client asked if there was a way to print that.

You know. Print "that". The 3D rendering of the model.

Printing a screenshot was not deemed sufficient, since it doesn't hold enough information. Also if you are thinking to just print a few key perspectives with the crucial information rendered in - they already get a PDF with exactly that.

What are they even looking for? A freaking hologram?..

Uh... isn't 58% **exactly** "about half"??

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent."

Not exactly dev related but possible because of my job.

After an interesting and emotional change during the last 0.5years, I am still here in
Ireland.
My job is good, could be better but definitely the best I’ve had so far..

I’m only here because of my job, it wouldn’t have been possible (at least not as easily) if I wasn’t a software engineer.

One of my dreams I saved for for years in Switzerland finally became true with just saving 4 months over here because the government doesn’t take everything you have left at the end of the month.

I finally got an old Jap...

This is my 1997 Toyota MR2 I bought on Monday..

So happy..

A client of mine wanted me to use a specific picture as a background image on one of his graphics. This is how the conversation went:
C: Can you use this as the background?
Me: Where did you get this image exactly?
C: I got it off Google Images.
Me: you can't do that, you need licensing for the image
C: Well I just licensed it. Screw them.
Me: ...That's not how that works..

The ups and downs of a corporate database developer job:

Ups: Great pay and benefits, advancement opportunities, job security.

Downs: Windows 7, Office 2012, Oracle DB 11 release 1 (2008)... not exactly a cutting edge environment.

My ass of a supervisor threw yet another bomb my way.

He basically said I would fire you if I could, but I don't have a valid reason, however I will not give a good grade for your dissertation because you don't do exactly what I told you. (not exact words, that was just the gist)

So I need to start looking for a new supervisor and a new department. He is not letting or helping me grow. I can't be under this fucking much stress, do this much fucking work and stay sane.

Gonna go cry now. Bye.

Not exactly wrong there. I got started at 10 with odds and ends for fun.

Took a semester of it in college before switching because the compiler and I didn't get along.

Only to pick it back up via self-study 10 years later because the programmer who came on board for a side project never showed up and I wanted to keep things moving.

10 years later still, I'm now running a web design shop full time.

A very rudimentary bedroom project management system. Each note is a different section of the program I'm working on.

I do this at night to make extra money, so it's not exactly the best system. It works though.

Have a visual representation of progress somehow motivates me.

!rant
How many of you guys have played Uplink? IMO it's a game every dev should try. While it's not exactly realistic, especially today, it shows actually how powerful a hacker can be. And YOU are that hacker.

The Dev life is not for me.
I need to figure out exactly what it is I want to do.

The whole "first job" and "experience" situation is fucked up.

How on God's green earth am I supposed to get tucking experience if you cock suckers won't hire someone for their first job? Like fucking hell.

It's not like I'm going for a "skill demanding" job... I'm trying get a fucking cashier job. I'm fairly certain I can run a cash register and stock the shelves of a store without any experience doing it. It's not exactly rocket science...

I just need some fucking money.

"Learn PHP! nearly 90% of the web is done in PHP"

That's EXACTLY the reason you DON'T want to work with PHP. Tutorials, SO answers, blogs, every source of info is FULL with bad practices, horrible patters or no patterns, spaghetti code... Most PHP devs are web scripters who have absolutely no background on software engineering whatsoever.

Do yourself a favor, unless you plan to learn Laravel and stick with it, don't, do not, don't'm'st, don't'm'st've go with PHP ... just don't

I NEED MY SLEEP FFS!!! It is 06:20 in the morning and I am already on the train to work because one of our managers felt the need to plan a meeting from 08:00 on monday morning to explain EXACTLY why something does not work.
Needless to say that she is no dev (or has technical know how)!
But the best part is:
THE INVITATION FOR THE MEETING WAS SEND OUT FRIDAY EVENING SO THERE IS NO PREPARATION-TIME WHATSOEVER!!!
Fuck

Guy sitting next to me sees me coding, gets excited, and asks "OH, THAT'S COOL... what do you do?"

In my head I'm thinking: I... CODE.... ur watching me code.... I do exactly what you see me doing!

Not knowing how to answer, I just end up staring at him for 10 seconds.

I believe this was the last attempt I had at doing a project for this customer before I just stopped replying to emails. I cannot emphasise enough how brutal it was communicating with this person. This was years ago. I'll keep it simple:

Customer: "Yeah so we need this page to look *exactly* like this. I've attached a picture, and I'll need this done soon because we're running a newsletter campaign soon."

Me: "Alright, I'll have it done by the end of the week." (I paid a student to do it, their work was impressive, it looked *EXACTLY* like the picture, but was now a functional web page)

*end of week*

Customer: "This is too exact!! I was hoping you guys would have some creativity, and have it do this and that!"

Me: "You said exact, we made it exact. I can do additional work to it."

Customer: "Well, we're not paying for additional work!!"

I left it at that.

Maybe it's not exactly about programming, but sure damned it caused it.
Back in the day I managed to create a warcraft 3 map which played tetris. The orc peons ran down with faster and faster speeds, since it was a multiplayer, we used to play it with friends. We played it so much during the day, that all of the dreams were about orcs running and exploding once you finished your line. It was the only dream I remember having.

What's this erogant world?

Someone asked a question in Stack Exchange, he put his design of a school management database and asked for suggestions.
Well, there are many things to improve, relations and data types etc..

BUT, he got 10 very long answers about why every student has exactly a father and a mother, why not 2 mothers and 3 fathers and all some off topic talks that could be said in 1 line..
Like what the... ok we know you're gay but answer the question without being an attention greedy

Recently purchased a few edge AI devices at work, and management sent some people to box up and get rid of our dedicated GPUs, since we "just got new AI computers." Now futilely trying to explain to management that not all computers are exactly the same...

The ability to understand every codebase immediately to the point where I:
* don't need to rely on the documentation
* know exactly where bugs are
* know how a change (bug fix, new feature, etc.) affects other areas of the project recursively

Obviously because it's a waste of time hunting that occur when modifying a codebase, no matter how carefully one writes tests or tests their code, something could always sneak in because it's not always apparent how a change ripples through your codebase.

It's tiresome and especially annoying when working with core modules

At the end of each day, work out exactly what you need to do next, and then...

...don't do it. Seriously. Make a note of it, save it, then walk away. Then you know *exactly* what you're getting started with the next day, and by the time you've done that you're in the swing of things. (Especially helpful if you're not a morning person like me. Much, much easier to get started if you know exactly what you're doing.)

Business: We want this exactly like [insert competitor’s web product].

Me: Oh, so like [this major obvious feature]?

Business: Oh no! Not that! Everything else but that!… You have everything you need right?

Me: …🤦‍♂️

when you find a tool or library that does exactly what you need, but it's not documented at all

or worse, when it's "cross-platform" but all the build/install steps are made assuming you're using a Mac
"brew install my-shiny-metal-ass"

Germans get made fun of for being focused on work and not wanting to have fun (at work).

But it's exactly what I like about them. I would join and work at a German company in a split second.

Fuck all the small talks and fun Fridays, let's just get the work done, get paid and go home and have fun at home.

Not a question, but an answer to an architecture challenge. "This might sound weird, but I think I can solve this using blockchain. Do you mind if I try?".

He couldn't in the end, but managed to explain exactly why not. We made him an offer all the same.

Friend: i have an idea
Me: what is it?
Friend: uber is not yet here, lets do the app exactly like uber only for the city, can you do that like in one month?
Me: uber is a billion dollar company with several and the best engineers in the world
Friend: so what, just copy the exact same idea, of course the money comes when the app is done
Me: sure... ill call you in a month. (delete conversation)

Friend: Is this Nvidia GTX 440 a good graphics card?
Me: idk
Friend: if i get it how do i put it in my computer
Me: idk
Friend: but you are a programmer
Me: exactly, i am not an engineer

I officially got a call that i start a job from 15th december

That's my first job after graduating with a computer science degree, and it took exactly 421 days later.

This is depressing and sad. Im not even interested in starting a job. I hoped they will reject me just like the other 10,468 jobs. Im not used to getting accepted.

I have to finish my side project within these two weeks asap rn

not exactly a rant but thought I should share this 😂

devRant bugreport

Im getting more and more bugs in devRant on my LG G2.

- Links cannot be opened
- profiles can not be viewed
- double tapping a rant opens the rant twice (tapping five times opens it 5 times) instead of voting it up.
- once in a while an opened rant shows up again under all the comments (with all comments as well). When this happens its exactly the ammount of comments.

Im not sure where to report this. If @dfox could take a look at this?

Gonna look up my android version in a sec. (edit version: 4.4.2)

god, I fucking hate Users. especially the ones who think that I am confused by *their* terminology for system processes, and feel the need to correct and clarify for me on email chains that needlessly cc 20 other people.

I designed the system you use every day before you were even hired; I assure you, I am not confused, and I know exactly what I'm talking about. stupid twats.

Not as cute as the good boy but exactly the same ....

* Not my meme 😂

So I have 1mb/s internet that cuts out every ~5 min - i had to wait for internet connection to load the speed test.

I am just outside London - internet speed should not be bad, i am not exactly in the middle of nowhere

i led yesterday's daily, since PM had no time and asked me to replace him.

in the beginning, i started the round with exactly the same words the PM always used, which made one of the Indian colleagues burst into laughing with muted mic

daily was held.
after the daily, 3 colleagues thanked me and commented on how awesome daily was, which made myself burst into laughter.

my theory is that people like daily standups where they are not steamrolled, interrupted and snapped at all the time.

!Dev

the fuck...

I'm not very good in remembering numbers. But I have lots to remember: apartment entrance code, maestrocard pin, phone pin, s few pins at work, and so on. So I remember patterns my finger mskes on a numpad instead [if you have played Ingress, you know exactly how it works].

There is a pattern for a bank card. Another one for phone pin, etc.

I've been using this technique for years... It has never failed me. I never could remember my pins, but give me a keypad and I'll enter it right away.

Last week smth happened. I forgot 2 pins from both of my bank cards... Both at the same day. And I did not have them written down anywhere for years...

Shit

It's not everyday that I give Microsoft praise, but damn, the new Windows Terminal is... Surprisingly decent.

Together with WSL2, it allowed me to switch from working in a VM to working fully from Windows.

And with little tweaking of the settings file, it acts exactly the way I like.

Good job creating something modern, almost universal and usable Microsoft!

Needs tidying and I’m not exactly using it for work at the moment... but this is my home office / bedroom setup.

There’s an Alienware Alpha hiding behind the MacBook, but it hasn’t actually been on more than once since the MacBook came home... 😂

When your non-programmer boss asks how exactly some code/bug was fixed.

"You sure? I mean, alright... "

It's not like every time something doesn't work right, this will be the fix. We're not going to have a conversation in the future where you help me troubleshoot something by remembering parts of this conversation.

In my opinion the image feature on devRant is not very user friendly. I think following points should be changed:

- In the rant preview the image has always a 1:>=1 ratio. This means that you can't see the full image unless the image has exactly a 1:1 or smaller ratio.

- To see the image in fullscreen mode you have to tap two times. In my opinion that's just too​ cumbersome. Often when i browse through devRant and i see a image i just scroll along because i don't wanna tap two times to see the image.

Not exactly new, but just so it does not get forgotten:

FUCK ECLIPSE.

Fuck that stupid piece of shit IDE and everything related to it.

Getting "bug" tickets from customers complaining about EXACTLY WHAT I DESCRIBED WOULD HAPPEN. THATS NOT A F&)$*(%$(*# BUG, THATS LITERALLY WORD FOR WORD WHAT I WROTE IN THE TICKET LAST WEEK YOU F&#*(@#$() NEANDERTHAL PIECE OF SH$%*(#(*)!!! WE AGREED ON THIS EXACT BUSINESS PROCESS WEEKS AGO. DO YOU EVEN READ THE WORDS THAT I WRITE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Maybe not exactly what would happen, but not wrong either. At the end of the day, these two fields are different.

Fuck my boss.
He's making me do non-dev work that I'm absolutely not qualified to do and he's even writing to me on Slack to make me do some of it outside my working days.
I'm getting so fucking anxious whenever I'm trying to work with this shit because I have no fucking clue what exactly am I supposed to do.
FUCK

Not exactly a rant but... Wtf Fabric?

1) I don't have to talk to other people while doing it.

2) The computer does exactly what I want it to do and failure will always be an error made by me, not someone else. That makes it satisfying.

3) I'm pretty good at it. It's just fun helping other people at school and creating small programs to solve problems.

!dev

i made some dice for displaying health, when playing Magic the Gathering.
They're not exactly fair, but you also don't roll them. I ordered the numbers in a way, so whenever you loose or gain health, you don't need to look for the next/previous number, since it's always nearby.

They're made using a resin printer and painted with oil based lacquer.

Basically any meeting where "the big bald" (a.k.a our manager) was present...
It always started professional and alright but it often took only around 5 minutes before the asshat started bragging about "his past accomplishments", his life when he was younger and often a lot of shit that wasn't exactly respectful to women...

I'm not an SJW, nor am I the most "female-friendly" person out there myself...
But the things he said repeatedly, made me come really close just punching him in the face.

smh.

Why hire a Native iOS Developer when you're going to let him develop an iOS app to look EXACTLY like its Android counterpart?

There's hybrid and cordova for that if you want your apps to look and feel exactly the same.

Can't we all just agree to appreciate the distinct differences in UI for both platforms? Navigation especially? Copy context not UI.

Pet Peeve... If you are a creator, you are largely doing technical content, and the channel is not about your personality. Then I don't want to see your stupid face. I want to see technical info like text, graphics and block diagrams. I don't exactly know why this bothers me, but it does.

Forced to take a "course" on agile. "Course" meaning 6-7 150 minutes sessions of uselss blabber. Fucking hell this is exactly like the worst of college courses.

Such a massive waste of time.

Giving my honest, somewhat filtered opinion in the dev group, I am in the minority it seems.

"But it's such a great opportunity!"
"<MANAGEMENT GUY> really pulled some strings to get us this course and I am fully confident in <MANAGEMENT GUY>'s criteria."

FFS, he's not in this chat. You won't get a raise by brown nosing him this hard you twit.

Great week, been super productive and very happy about.

*wild junior boss appears*

"You should have done it differently! You didn't know it and it's your fault for not asking me about stuff you didn't know existet. I often screw things up and blame others, but i made the boss like me so it's okay. And since i lost my spine some time ago, i will now go suck my own dick and feel awesome . "

Not sure that is exactly what he said, but he meant it.

So I'm a freelancer celebrating my second year at this one client (yes, times are good). When I first got to my current (not customer-facing) project, lots of "externals" (other freelancers) had come and gone, "internals" had been assigned and reassigned to and from this project and nobody knew exactly what was in the (angularjs) codebase.

One of my first
"quick win" assignments was to see if load times could be reduced. After some looking around it turned out someone had used moment.js (with locales, 67k gzipped) for some feature that had since been abandoned... and then accidentally dropped it into the source folder, checked it into source control (svn!), from whence it was happily packaged by the CI job and released every month.

Removing it reduced the pre-render javascript by about 40%. (also yes, that said "nobody knew exactly what was in the client-side codebase")

An old client came back to me stating that I didn't fix the last change he requested a month ago. I went in old emails, found out what he needed, tried the website, it was doing exactly what he wanted.

I wrote to him with confusion asking what was he wanted me to fix.

"It's not working"
"It is"
"No, it's not. Can't you see?"

I attached old email conversations and sent him to see for himself.

"I am not talking about that." I want it to work like this, like that, blah blah blah.

-------------

Fucking asshole. Tell me you wanted new feature in the website.

Client: we need a report that <unclear requirements>
Me: alright, here's what you requested.
Client: that's not what I asked for.
Inner me: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED FOR!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK REEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Couldnt fix a bug that conflicted with an unrelated codebase. A 1 in a million issue on github.

Had a wank.

Bug fixed, pushed, and deployed 30 minutes later.

GOOGLE WANTS TO KILL THE URL..

Umm... that's ok. But I like URL to know where exactly I'm. They should not be very long and should be in the language I can understand.

So hiding rest part of the URL will not impress me much.

So I went through the first round Google interview process and was declined for not "finishing fast enough" even though I did in fact solve the problem in the allotted time.

Either it's a BS excuse and they were just interviewing me to interview me for a quota or there is some invisible time limit that I am not aware of.

Really annoys me when I just don't know exactly what I'm doing wrong and instead get what feels like cop out answers.

I wished there was a lmao button, because sometimes a post/comment makes you laugh your socks off or is very clever, but a ++ won't just do it.

and you also don't want to reply with a "that's hilarious", because
a) it's non-content thus not something that others than OP would ever want to read
b) on the internet, compliments are usually interpreted as sarcasm

but such thing would also degenerate quickly into a troll tool, eg, a user posting an opinion in a serious manner, and other users spamming that lmao button...

so maybe not exactly a lmao button, but something similar, like medium's clap (although I think 50 claps per user is a bit too much).

Agency hires me to convert a 4 column + sidebar + pattern backgrounds email to responsive, for a big client, I make a redesign, simplifying it (less columns, flat...) to avoid issues, client insists, exactly the same design is needed.

I tell him its almost impossible but I will try, and try, and try, many times, but on their old Outlook, some email parts are not aligned (just that), try, and try, many hours, many days beyond budget... all the times since first explaining that perfection is not possible with all possible email clients, and like 7% is using outlook... At that point, and before, email was so well.

Finally I put an end to this, tell them to pay and leave me alone, as they didn't take my advises and warnings serious, not my fault.

This story is nothing until the discovery I made today: the agency had signed a contract with the client, a bank, in that contract there was the obligation to replicate exactly the same design and should be perfect in all email clients...

Not exactly a dev enemy, but similar.
A new radiation protection regulation has been in force in Germany since 2019. October I finished a super duper important document for this and this has been with the TÜV ever since. First there is nothing happening and then there are allegedly inconsistencies in it, which, however, all of which were due to shoddy work with the "expert."

There is a german word for this type of person: Krümelkacker.
He faults every little thing in side-by-page letters, causes long delays, and in the end is often wrong.
But I have to work with him -.-

Background story:
One of the projects I develop generates advice based on energy usage and a questionare with 300 questions.

Over 400 different variables determine what kind of advice is given. Lots of userinput and over a thousand textblocks that need to show or not.

Rant:
WTF do you want me to do when you tell me. It's not giving the right advice for the lights.

Why the for the love of.. do I need to ask you everytime. If something is not working. Tell me what and for wich user. Don't tell me calculation whatever is not working, I don't know that calculation. Your calculations are maintainable in your cms.

And how, like I really wonder, do you expect me, when not telling me what user is having this problemen to find and fix it, You just want me to random guess one of the thousands users that should be given that specific advice?

FCK, like 80% of my time solving problems is spend trying to figure out wtf your talking about.

And then what a miricale the function is doing exactly what is it doing but you forgot a variable. It's not like the code I write suddenly decides it does not feel like giving the right answer.

I dunno if I should have but I told my clients their video they are having made is shit (not exactly like that)

And that it would likely drive people away and we shouldn't put it on the site if it's going to be like that

80s TV animation is better seriously.

"You can be misunderstood exactly once. After that, you are not being misunderstood; you are communicating poorly." - Josh Collinsworth

I really like to use PHP. It's not so interesting language as C# is, but I like it. But every now and them I read someone complaining about PHP.

So let's go: as PHP is not an exactly good language to backend, what would be a good one to use with my personal projects?

Thanks!

!Rant But this is hilarious 😂

Appraisal interview of Gayle:

Gayle:- Sir, I scored 211 Runs in 118 Balls. I made the team win the crucial match. I should get “A” rating.

Management:- You hit 17 Sixes and 23 Fours. Though, that is good but that is not something new you have done. That is why we hired you. As this is not something new, I will mark it as “Innovation Lacking”.

Gayle:- But sir, I played according to the situation. I took 21 singles as well.

Management:- Exactly, your performance is not consistent. You played 15 Dot Balls as well. This means, you failed to optimize the resources.

Gayle:- But…

Management:- Also, I would like to mention that you are not a team player. The whole team scored 112 and you all alone made 211.

Gayle:- What??

Management:- Yes. So, overall, you are getting a “C” rating for the year. Improve Consistency, Innovation, Utilization and Team Work...

This moment you find a library/software on GitHub which actually does exactly what you looked for/tried to implement by yourself... Then you notice the last commit was in 2010 and there are 3000 open issues... Not a single one contains a response... the typical github repository...

I had the old "got this great product I've developed, but can't afford a website, could you do it in exchange for a percentage of profits?"
Look, it's your product, I have had no say in its development, or quality or how you market it etc. I do websites and the website will do exactly what you want it to do. I couldn't give a fuck wether you sell one or a million. It's not my risk. Pay me for a site and I'll do it.

It happened with a company that makes the audio Codecs for Apple (you guessed it right).
It was supposed to be the most pleasant interview ever but not exactly. Here's the thing, the interview went so well that the HR explained all the benefits for its employees and handed me a copy of a leaflet containing so. In the end, as they were walking me to the door, the HR lady told me "you are staying here, you don't have to look anymore" as they were walking me to the door.

Well, everything I did from my end was perfect. Thank you emails and follow-ups blah blah. But not a single answer from their end regarding any decision.
This was the worst feeling to me.

Are there more people here who prefer codual over visual?

UML diagrams are fun and all, but I personally prefer to have a code example over an uml diagram when it comes to a few classes that work together. Not exactly sure why I prefer it that way, in my head I translate uml to code in order to understand it better and if you show me a piece of code I don't have to do that translation.

I wonder what you guys' thoughts are 🤔

Exactly when I do NOT need to be doing updates because system stability is critical to meeting deadlines, suddenly...

I do not understand people who critique Python for using indentation to mark code blcoks. I've seen multiple posts being like "Uhh in Python a missing space breaks everything and it's so hard to find it". Yeah so hard when the interpreter throws a parse error and tells you exactly which line it's on. Let me go back to a bracefest language, misplace a brace halfway through the file, and get told there's a syntax error at the end, and spend a whole two minutes finding it.

Not exactly a data loss, but on server hosting almost all of clients' websites.

$ crontab -e

Except finger slipped and it became -r. *facepalm*

Worst experience?
Fourth semester. Programming project.
We were 4 persons, I did almost all the work (including fixing the stuff they broke) but that's not the point.

One of them somehow killed our git repo at least once per weak. It was really annoying, because I had to fix it.

Also he named *all* of his commits 'Pfuschpush' (Pfusch is German for botch). And the code had exactly this quality. I often had to rewrite everything he did (or simply revert the commit).

Watch Anime! Not exactly to motivate myself to code but to give a break for some time(eventually getting motivation back after some time) 🇯🇵

Reply to a recruiter today quoting her email:

You will end up with more qualified people if you don't use blatantly fictitious statements like. "While it's not often that I like to email people I don' t know (especially those in different cities!)" You're a recruiter using LinkedIn, the activity of recruiting is partially doing exactly the above.

No interest, have a good day.

You know how some kid says "poo" like it's the best joke ever? That's exactly what your shitty "programmer" jokes are like, and we're all fucking tired of them (not to mention we've already heard them countless times).

why our session is not exactly 2 hours ?

*feels guds man*

Not fun, exactly, but trying to convert a Wordpress site into GatsbyJS to speed up the godawful site of an organization I just joined.

Management: "Let's hire some folks and expand the team in this region. And then we will think about what they will exactly do. And then get more work or create more work with our own vision"

Hired developers *mind*: "Why the fuck is this small work done by such a big team? Why the fuck is this work done by a my team (different team) and not by the same team that built the product? Oh, they don't have bandwidth? They want to parallelize? And all decisions still have to go through the product team? They have months of experience and context? Right"

Not exactly the worst but Ingenico's API documentation is destroying my life right now.

PSA: The smaller the compute shader workgroups the more efficient they are, down to the wave size (32 on nvidia). Not exactly sure why, but looks like if you don't need group shared memory always have your workgroups be wave sized

Just this alone gave me a 30%+ performance increase. And combined with a few other changes got me from 50 µs to 10 µs, yay!

Them: You have 6 days to build this frontend page for our wordpress site.
Me: Ok...
*proceeds to spend 4 days trying to arse my way towards a semi reasonable bootstrapped website based on the existing website's styling.*
Me: *Presents website*, so... uh... yeah, I don't usually do frontend stuff, I'm more of a backend dev, but here's what I could do.
Them: This looks like absolute horseshit.
Me: So what do you not like about it?
Them: All of it. It doesn't look anything like the wireframe that I gave you.
Me: Ok... So let me get this straight, you want it to look exactly like how you designed it in your wireframe? *wireframe looks like a child drew it*
Them: Yes! Is that so hard?
Me: I mean, it's a little hard. I'm not exactly a front end developer. Aside from that, I think this design is not very user-friendly.
Them: we don't care about your opinions, OP. Get back in there and make it look exactly like the wireframe.
Me: Ok.
*proceeds to go to fiverr, and contract someone else to do it for me while I get to do fun stuff in the back end.* 😂

----

We'll see what they think of the project when it gets back to me. Wish me luck guys.

If I don't stop being a piece of shit entropy will prevail and my life in general will suck

I need to do something different like stopping being a crazy bastard that literally does exactly the same fucking things over and over and then denies them when someone confronts me

I need to admit that time is passing and has passed and it's devouring me

And a big part of this is not trying to cover my tracks because I'm not I'm fucking myself.

With the more positive changes I make the better the world around me will become.

I've been failing and I keep getting it worse in general.

Not exactly vacation, but there was this nice-to-have feature in our application that I coded up in the hospital after my wife gave birth to our son. I wrote it during the downtime while they were both sleeping.

What exactly is a junior developer?

I mean what it depends on?

I ask because some colleagues have told I'm not junior but I have a junior role at my company

I don't even care and I don't like these classifications of devs but when someone asks me if I'm junior I actually don't know what to answer

I thought it was getting crazy when I read about ninja developer role but let's not talk about it

PS: I have been coding for 5 years now if it matters

Trust Google. Trust the Process.

The Android Studio Installer doesn't show download progress bars, speeds, ETAs or the size of files being downloaded. I hate this design. Tell me exactly what, why, and where is being downloaded so that I can download it myself with a better HTTP large file client, put it where you want it, and restart the installer. I know my machine and ISP and Google does not. I don't trust Google to make a single right decision, and I only want to relinquish control when I don't have time to do something myself.

I don't know what happens to me today.
As always, I've gone to work, but when I sit on front of computer, I felt unable to code.

Not afraid of coding, not exactly unmotivated. Just my head is not able to code.

It's strange, because until now always I'd felt so motivated with this project. But today I've spent 3h on front of computer and I've not been able to write a single line of code.

Maybe I need holidays and I didn't noticed.

Mine was not CS but software engineering. I had been programming for 5 years, and I think anything before my degree was just so bad. No patterns or anything. It was really good in the way that I learned how to do things well, not exactly learning about the technologies. I also have an internship that I must do for at least 3 months before getting the degree which also helps.

After creating my own PHP MVC framework with Twig as templating engine, everything is now so simple and so fast, I juat cant belive how much I understand now. The development is just so smooth, you know exactly what to do all the time... And for my simple project, it does not even hurt that much to use PHP (and its even strictly typed 7.2, so not that bad). I think that I am in love. ❤

designer: the distance from the baseline of the letter "p" to the bottom of the box should be 150px exactly. You are 4px off.

me: Erm... baseline?

designer: Yes. Not the "base" or the "beardline". It must be the "baseline" of the font.

me: uh huh....

designer: And it must be the same in all browser, chrome, firefox, internet explorer

me: Orite, lets save the whole Psd and <img src="whole-website.jpg"> Tada!

i hate ios storyboard
its a disaster
its not Version controllable, also its not as good as android xml layouts where you can just copy paste someone else xml to get a view exactly like his
right now I have to clone a git repo, to open it in xcode, just to see how the guy has set up one of his textFields so that I can create a textfield like his

I'm not exactly a programmer right now but I'm trying my best to become one ASAP. Hats off to you guys. The toughest part is finding motivation and time.

Sysadmin and an ex-employee couldn't fix an issue with an application for many months even with vendor's instructions.
Today the job is passed to me and I follow instructions exactly and resolve the issue.
The other two guys must have thought 'we don't need someone else's documentation, we can fix it ourselves'

This is not the first time something like this has happened. I guess some things just need a fresh perspective.

Dear BOSE, how can you make a "smart" speaker so dumb and complicated? Why require to use an app that needs frequent updates and takes up so much storage space for ... what exactly?
Dear Spotify, why not add features to the web player if your app does not run on older devices? Which native feature would your app need that is missing on iOS 13?
Dear companies making money due to the fact that some real artists make real music that real people love to listen to, how come your apps and gadgets always make me nostalgic about actual records and make me tune in to an actual radio station at the end of the day? At least you keep showing us not to rely on digital technology and rather go visit actual live concerts to listen to live music in the real world more often!

ECMAScript is everywhere, so I thought: Let's do even more inappropriate and insane things with it ;)

...Like using Duktape (small ECMAScript engine) and exposing LoadLibrary/GetProcAddress along with some helper routines to describe the routine's argument types and return type, and finally providing a routine to invoke those routines.

It's a very rough prototype that can handle up to 4 arguments in a 64-bit Windows environment.

Next "todo" is structure handling which will initially be a case of stuffing data into a Buffer() object.

I'm not sure what exactly I'm trying to do with it or why...

I don't know exactly what year my dad bought the PC with a hard drive of 4GB, but it was not in the year 2000 and following. I'm not sure if it was running win98 or win95. Probably win95. Aaah those were golden times.
I remember having no internet, but still having fun drawing images on ms paint.
Oh and there was a game named sesame street for that os. Sometimes I miss those times.

What are people's thoughts on identifiable posts? I try to keep everything I say on here discrete so that I can't be identified, but this is the only place I have an anonymous presence. It's a useful outlet for frustration, but I also think it's a shame I feel I have to avoid the possibility of being identified. Elsewhere I use my email handle, so it's... Not exactly subtle.

fucking flutter.

i'm trying to make a simple app. it would be an easier to do both natively.
for fucks sake flutter, add some functionality. flutter recently got out of beta but it's not fucking done. no native webviews, no native push notifications. fuck that.

however, i do have to give credit where credit is due. coming into flutter i expected a different feel of the app on iphone and android. it was exactly the same, and it was smooth too. in that respect, i love flutter.

also guys, i have an app (not finished yet) i built with flutter and i would like some constructive criticism for changing the ui. only android right now though, i can't afford ios.

dictive.app/download

Believe it or not, I actually had a great day of development today and don't feel the need to rant about anything!

It was one of those rare days when everything went well, and instead of running into road blocks, you actually learn about things that open new doorways, and the one thing I did struggle with received an answer on Stack Overflow within minutes that was both exactly what I was hoping for and as a bonus, not even condescending.

Dang, dev doesn't get much better than this! ☺️

One of my pet peeves is coming across a post on stackoverflow with an awesome answer and even a comment from the OP saying this is exactly what I needed but it's not marked as the answer. Really? It's longer to write the comment.

they gave me my assestment results on todays interview ( american company w/ many red flags... ) : 89% with avg. 54%

for context : it was 40 questions for 20 mins. like many of them was how many of the pics are exactly the same and what is the next in the sequence ( not a single dev related )

finished them with about 2 mins left =]

So all Matrix movies are now on Prime... Not sure when exactly that happened but watching them right now.

Apparently the original was released in 1999 so that's like 20 years ago.

Seems like the image of future AI hasn't changed much.

And I just got kicked off the TV so a group of guests can watch America's Got Talent... :(

In all the companies i worked at so far, never seen any employee (in any department) above age 50..maybe the ceo or some lawyer, but thats it.
Where do all the 50+ ppl go in tech?
I'm not sure the tech world will be what it is now even in 10 years.. but I'm just wondering do any of u guys think/worry about where we'll work when we stop being young and cool?
Looks like it's either u start your own business, which not everyone can, or..
what is option B exactly?!?

Not exactly a dream abour coding but my favorite instructor in college.

I dreamt the secret police came to arrest him on campus since his methods teaching cod were unorthodoxed.

As they were leading him away I was screaming and crying - “He’s the best teacher here, what are you doing!”

weird

How the hell do I understand want people want???

I listen to them, I pay attention to them (for the most part), but for the most part when someone assigns me something but it is not clearly explained, they expect me know what to do.

I had the most unproductive meeting with this guy I work for because of this... he had a problem, so we worked on ideas for this solution, and I thought I knew exactly what he wanted. We were getting somewhere. I get ready to leave for lunch and it turns out that is not at all what he wanted. We're back to square one.

Is it me, or are people really bad at explaining things?

I know Windows update rants are a dime a dozen but HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MICROSUCKADICK BOOT LICKERS SHOVE SO MUCH HORSESHIT INTO THIS UPDATE THAT IT UNINSTALLED VIRTUALBOX? The hell?

Really, I rebooted my PC, short cuts everything, gone! Newer stuff is there plus any restore point would have had VirtualBox installed, so what the hell.

I’m stating to think that when Windows says “all your files are exactly where you left them” it’s a best guess because it just completely fucked with all your files for no reason and tried to put them back but it’s not so sure.

Not exactly a co-worker, but another student at my data structure class, the guy freaked me out, he would stand up in the middle of the class whenever he finished the assignment first and walk around like he was about to jump.
I did beat him the first time though and that's when I noticed it was like a race for him, I still fear he will end me for that.

FML, somebody here or somewhere wrote that al customers lie..

Just been a witnes to that.. Over skype (mind I reminded them to write to jira on several occasions so others can help if I am out of office) feature xy is not working.. I log in to server, I see no logs of person a doing anything with our system, let alone use the xy feature... Well duh, of course it doesn't work, it's not a freakin mind reader.. :/

Next time no help, no log checking, no nothing until they provide ss of what exactly they were doing.. :/ Fuuuuu....

Back to using WSL because I suck at installing windows apps on Wine (and that I can't seem to connect to a WiFi with PEAP on Linux that the network admin know how to except on Windows).

So can't exactly rice Windows. I know I can with raindock and all that but its not the same as Linux. So I'm on WSL, installed tmux and wouldn't you know it, I found plenty of dot tmux files on Github.

But alas, its not the same as i3wm but its close.

Client Agency: "Well why did it take you so long to style the clickdummy?"

Me: "well I did not anticipate that you had that set up by a student who does it know his css. I had to fix many usability problems first."

Client: "To me it looks just like before. What did you do exactly?"

Me: "Are you serious? That thing was not at all usable before."

Client: "The functions were all there in the first place!"

Me: "Yes, but I one does not know where to click, that is no use, is it?"

Client: "Ok then what ever...I somehow feel like like you have gotten less efficient these days. "

Me: -.-""""!!!!

Client: "so would you please include some effects and make it shiny? I just wanted you to make it shiny."

Me: -___- "ok then"

-----

Client: "Now it's awesome, thanks."

So, small note to all developers out here:

If you provide a Serverside program to update your software in a network, like M$ WSUS to remove internet traffic,
Please consider not to introduce Bugs in your newest version that make this Service unusable and patch it out later.

Microsoft did exactly this with the Anniversary Update 1607 last year.

Now, after each installation I have to install the most important patches manually to use the WSUS. Because when I go directly i get the newest version that is not tested in our environment. :(

This is From Sysop to Dev :-)

I am so sick with shithead designers that heard about android, but decided it was not important enough to consider it and make their design for android and ios exactly the same. And then force you to implement the ios app in android with the same elements, even supressing native out of the box funcionalities.
They get paid for producing poopy smelly shit.

@dfox
When I create a post here and modify it. What exactly happens?

Does the posts has revisions or not (overwrite)?

I dont get it... I dont understand what my manager expects me to do when I am not really allowed to make design decisions, but there is no design at all! What are we doing here, manufacturing spaghetti? Today I asked my co-worker what our product should actually do exactly when its finished. He said he is not so sure either. And our manager is now on vacation so we cant ask what exactly he wants...

* sees mock-up in the provided design PDF, notices a diagram that could be made with CSS
* writes responsive CSS for the boxes and makes them more appealing than in the original design
* feels proud

Skip to today, it got assigned as an 'issue', got asked to NOT do it like this, and instead extract a png from the PSD and use that instead. Despite me saying not only is it going to look bad because it's not exactly going to be responsive the way they want it to be.

Bootstrap doesn't magically make images responsive, goddammit...

Not exactly a dream, but during an internship where I tried to engineer a way to listen in on Bluetooth communications, I went so deep down the rabbit hole that I once half-asleepedly thanked my girlfriend for "keeping an eye on the Bluetooth channels for me, because these little twerps just keep jumping around all over the place"

I sent my resume to our subsidiary company that evidently pays more and are looking for someone with exactly my skills. They weren't supposed to tell my boss about it but they did and he gave me substantial rise. Not really promotion, but I don't want to be manager (yet).

I think my client have a gift, he always know exactly where not to go or not to click...
Man, let me show you the prototype with peace !

Trying to buy a domain on sedo but the guy is looking for $8000!!

What planet is he on it’s 2018 and the domain is quite niche. It’s not exactly pizza.com

Cunts be crazy!

not exactly a hack but i started a prank war between us ( helpdesk team) and the pc team by pranking one of them with nirsoft and psexec.
at first he didnt really realize why his browser crashes and his cdrom opens and closes randomly.

F*cking Windows piece of shit.

I don't use windows, never.

I have it installed like a virus I installed on purpose to do certain things.

One of those things is updating my GPS device.

Well the piece of shit windows decided it was a good idea to restart while I was updating the GPS. Like in the middle of the update. Exactly when it says "Do not unplug your device or turn off your computer"

F*CKING PIECE OF SHIT.

Not shouting and yelling at the client. Something along the lines of:
"The data has changed because of a mapping table chance you fucking signed off last fucking November!
And no I can't provide data that's not in the source system - which orifice exactly would you like me to get it from?!?"

#sigh# much better....

It's exactly not an idea but it pisses me off when people say we're Uber for xyz or were Amazon of xyz. Just finding special use cases of other startups.

Came across a player called Root in Overwatch today, would that be you, @Root, by any chance? It's not exactly a common name.

I wrote a RESTful(ish) API today and it was beautiful. The API looks exactly how I wanted it, the logic is clean and readable, it has some extensibility built-in without cluttering the code.

There are parts I'm not thrilled about but that's mostly due to having to interact with legacy systems. Super proud of myself!

I need to link two APIs such that data sent on one API gets processed and it hits a second API with the processed data.
The first API needs to format the data and decide according to data format which second API needs to be used. I checked Zapier and it's working but it is not exactly what i need to do. So are there any options other than setting up my own server?