Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??

Me: It's not that easy believe me.

Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?

Me: :/

Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...

Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.

Modern web development is fucked. Just absolutely, totally screwed up.

I want to create a simple to do list web app. Look for a tutorial: "OK guys, this is really easy, it just takes five minutes."

First step, install these:
- Git
- NPM
- NodeJS
- Express
- MongoDB
- Docker
- React

Second step, npm install about one million modules. Don't question what they do or why they're there.

Before you know it, six hours have passed and you've got a code base of 3GB and you haven't even _started_ on your app.

FUCK that shit! I can create this web app with Internet Explorer and Notepad.

The original story:
"When I've got my very first android I was downloading any shit from Play Store. There was app called pattern security or something like that. The app was taking selfies everytime power button was pressed several times and then photo would sent to email. One day I left my old phone at home and at the office this is the photo i've received."

My employer tried to install my app in his IPhone X and he scold me why the apk not supported. I explain to him that apk is for Android. He yelled :” don’t give me shit , you don’t have a degree on this so shut up, I do have, apk are universal because it is coded in Java

Dev: why should I develop windows phone apps. Almost nobody uses this kind of shit.

Customer: Why should I use a fucking windows phone. The windows app store is as empty as a ghost town.

> be me
> want to write troll "viruses" to fck arround with frieds
> write batch files
> shit everyone can see what I do
> google 'how to make exe'
> install VS
> google 'make exe with vb.net'
> spend 3hr/s copying the Internet
> send friend exe
> blocked by antivirus
> write other bullshit
> actually learn stuff
> shit I'm kinda good at this
> keep going
> 4 years later
> be system administrator / devop / web dev / app dev / desktop dev
> get paid
> inb4 wants to troll friend - finds dream job instead

Last week:

Client: Hey sometimes when I sent about 20 messages to your app they need a long time to arrive. Why is your app so slow?

Me: We are using Google Cloud Messaging to deliver messages. There is no guarantee when messages arrive.

Client: So such a big company is the fault? And not you? Pls make it faster. Make it always act the same.

Working as a programmer is pain in the ass because the people with the money don't know a shit about anything.

I changed just a fucking useless string.. I deployed the "new version" and I told him I boosted everything.

Today he spoked with my buddy about another thing and he told him by the way the app is now much faster.

..placebo update

Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"

*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*

Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.

Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"

*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*

Normal app: "DEV I NEED THIS, 1 STAR. WITHOUT THIS IS SHIT"
devrant app: "Guys, I've created a client for desktop computer for devrant, tell me if I can upgrade anymore"

Such beautiful community ♥

Oh boy.... Here we go again.

Dear websites,

Please stop fucking asking me to install your shitty mobile apps. They do the same thing your site does. I have a browser, and it's a lot better. I don't even visit you every day. But even if I did, and I wanted your crappy app, I'd open the app store and download it by myself. No need to push me.

No need to waste the little screen estate I have with crappy call-to-action sections to download that shit.

Fuck your desire for more information about me. Fuck your narcissistic enjoyment when I have your icon on my fucking home screen.

The truth is, there is a very small number of apps that really need to integrate with a phone to offer better experience.

I feel most of you feel you need to have an app just because everyone else does. And so you could show these little Android and Apple logos on your website or ads. Well, how about you just make sure your site works well on a mobile screen and don't waste your money on a half-baked mobile shit app unless it really offers something worthwhile?

And if you do have a good app and it really does something, ask me just once and fucking respect my choice. Don't just ask me again and again, on every page, with every new session, or I'll just stop visiting.

You're all not that unique, so fuck you!

PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test

*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.

Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….

Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app

Ticket Description: (blank)

Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>

Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?

Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all

Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?

Dev: …

Holy shit this UI/UX/Whatever looks good! Wish all apps could look this good. ++ to the Firefox App designers!

Honestly, I’ve been complaining a lot about the company I joined a few months ago and especially about the code base and I just have to say ...

With good fucking reason, look at this shit, every single *.js file of our Angular app is manually added inside the master page
Not even minimized what the actual fuckkkkkkkkkkk

Doing the stuff we learned in math today in C on my phone in portrait mode on a root server in my ssh app with mobile data in my free time in school is just some next level shit

Ah, let me open my half baked personal Android project. Maybe I'll finish it this time.

*opens Android studio*

"You have shitloads of updates. Please download and restart now"

Ok, makes sense. I haven't opened it for a month.

*runs the app*

"CoolApp has crashed"

What the fuck? It was all working before. WTF happened.

*half an hour of online research*

The google play service version is somehow fucked up. So let's fix that.

*App opens*

Yay! Let me login right away!

*Login via google doesn't work*

I didn't even touched the bloody code.

*another half an hour of research. Nothing works*

Fuck this shit.

Friend: Do you think you could make an app that does X?

Me: Yes but I'm not an app developer so haven't had much experience with app design so might take a while

Also friend: What sort of programmer are you? It's basic shit

My friends don't seem to understand that the programming loop for game development (Mostly background asset management) and app development is like trying to ask why a bull and a bull frog won't breed...Yes they both have bull in the name but they are 2 fucking different cunting things...

Ok, so, to every pieces of shit out there that got a "revolutionary idea that will change the way we look at things" and who asks you to code it :

Fuck you, you sons of a cunt

No, i won't make your app on 3 different platforms for free, i'll make you pay for every platform you wanker, i'm a freelancer, i need money.

No, making database is not something that a little business cunt like you can handle, you don't even know what sql means

And fuck no, I won't make that shit in 2 weeks just because your peabrain thinks that it'll make mad dosh and that "It MusT bE eAsy to Do!!111", "a dating app but with a twist" won't work you gobeshit

If you want me to work on this shit, you give me money, specs and shit, you handle the rest, if it doesn't make money, it'll be your problem. I'm not your employee you wanker

Fuck y'all

Client comes to me after a year to publish an update to his app.

I accept, start looking for my release key.... Found it.

Fuuuuuuucccck what's the password? I can't remember

Googled what to do if forgot password of keystore: Nope can't do shit other than brute Force. You've to forget your app and publish as a new app. Nice.

I must have written it somewhere... I'm sure. Check my password manager: Nope.

Start brute forcing:
Default pass: android. Nope
Name of app? Nope

After 10 mins of brute forcing:
Why would I not store the password in my password manager? The only reason I can think is the password is too stupid to be stored.

Try "password". App signed successfully.

I'm ashamed of 1 year older me xD

The weirdest shit happened today. My 14 year old sister comes to me and asks me that she has a million dollar app idea that I should make her so that she can put it on the app stores and earn.
THE PLAGUE HAS SPREADDD😱

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I SPEND HOURS INVESTIGATING INCOMING & OUTGOING DATA. I CHECKED ALL THE CODE, I EVEN TEAMVIEWED A CUSTOMER WHICH WAS HAVING SOME ISSUES WITH MY APP.

TURNS OUT I FORGOT A FUCKING '/' IN MY FUCKING CODE. WHICH MEANS THE HOLE GODDAMN API URL MAKES NO SENSE.

WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS OVERCOMPLICATE SHIT LIKE THIS.

FUCK

Dear Apple,

We've sent you a new message regarding your app, Xcode. To view or reply to the message, go to the Resolution Centre.
----------------------------------
We noticed that your app did not fully meet the terms and conditions for reasonable fucking update size. Your latest app update requires over 40 GB of free fucking disk space. Please bear in mind that many of your own fucking laptops only have 120 GB of disk space. For optimum user experience, it would be best if the user didn't have to uninstall other apps from their system just to run your shitty update system.

Next Steps:

To resolve this problem, we recommend that you fix your shit. If you are unable to fix your shit, we recommend that you don't take 30% of all iOS developer's income so that you can make giant fucking glass donut buildings, and instead use that ridiculously disproportionate monopoly-abusing cut and invest that money in fixing your shit, to lighten the load of developers on whose backs you have become the most cash-rich company in human history.

Resources:

There are plenty of resources such as Stack Overflow to take advantage of, in order to learn how not to create a bloated piece of shit IDE.

Once you've completed all required changes, please upload a new binary to the App Store.

working on an android app. the guy who wrote it is a complete retard designed it and made it overcomplicated and unmaintainable now no one can change anything without breaking all that shit ... found this comment, someone else tried to do it and failed miserably apparently.

Dream : Write todos.
Reality :
Well, i should conserve paper.
Oh, there is a todo app in my phone!
*Contains ads*
Shit.

FOUR DAYS

Tomorrow will be the FOURTH FUCKING DAY spent trying to get this piece of shit iOS simulator to not crash the app.

I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING.

FUCK APPLE. FUCK XCODE. FUCK IOS😠😤😠😤😠😤😠😤😠😤

Steve Jobs was a twat, and the IPhone X garbage piece of technology

Just got a brand new car coming from a 1999 Honda CRV and holy shit the tech in these things is insane.. basically drives itself on HWY's, can start it from an app, does all sorts of weird stuff.. obviously it comes with risks of being hacked and all that but damn new cars are wicked these days.

For those of you retards that post shit like:

"fuck"

"well I hate this"

or similar shit that only you understand in the hopes that someone goes and asks you what is wrong: fuck off with that attention seeking bullshit.

Seriously, even it your shit is tech dev related, just fucking post it you attention seeking shitstain.

Or fuck off all together from the app to begin with.

So I'm going to get married next june. I made an app for the guests where they have all information available, can send music wishes and can share images of the wedding with other guests.

Here is my story on publishing it in the App Store:

Me: "Hey Apple, I made a small app for my wedding. Mind putting it in your store?"
Apple: "Yeah, whatever" *publishes it*

One month later:
Me: "I made really small changes, please take this update."
Apple: "Ha no, its not interessting for enough people." *rejects it*

I panic, because the app is mentiont in the invites to the wedding which are already printed.

So one day later:
Me: "Ok ok, I added a button in the intro where people can send me a mail if they are interested in using the same app for their wedding."
Apple: "That changes everything! We will accept the update."

I'm happy, that they accepted it in the end, but really?!? There are so many shit apps in the store, why do you reject any not-fart app, because it is not interesting enough??? And why the fuck do you accept it in the first place?

Writing all the major functionality of our app in a 10000 line class ( I shit you not) and then call it Utils.java.

People complaining about Microsoft pushing MS-Edge are clearly not using the YouTube mobile app, this shit pushes their premium shit and YouTube music every fucking day. MS you get ONE pop up when you change default browser and they are done! Also Google products one concurrent browsers ? You get that nice yellow message telling you you're not using chrome but people just like to tell shit about MS like it's the national sport or something well fuck you and fuck Google

Admit it, we all look at the reviews just to find shit like this...

(Can't remember what app I saw this on)

For fucks sake I'm getting tired of this company. We have an app that's been developed on a VERY tight budget with a team and it's nearly completed/basically done few fixes here and there. They keep going to meetings with clients and promising more than the fucking app does! BITCH IT TOOK 6 MONTHS OF DEV TIME IF YOU WANTED THOSE OTHER FEATURES WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT IT IN THERE SOME FUCKING TIME.

And now since I'm in charge of the remnants of whats left, they keep asking me to make demos of ridiculous new features to show to new clients. BUT THATS NOT WHAT THE FUCKING UP DOES AND WERE OUT OF BUDGET!!!

I explain this. Every fucking day. I'm told they understand. Then I'm asked to make a fucking glittery demo with some bullshit features we don't have YET FUCKING AGAIN. BITCH I WILL QUIT THIS SHIT!

IF I SPEND ALL MY TIME MAKING THE FUCKING DEMOS, I CANT FINISH THE MAIN APP YOU FUCKTARDS. STOP PROMISING SHIT WE DONT HAVE!

Why are modern apps so god damn huge? A fucking messaging app doesn't require 500000000000000 MB!!! I wonder what shit load of fuck they're packing in those apps.

Pro tip: never set custom script stuff related to dns server forcing things in a root firewall app if you don't know what you're doing.

How would I know? There's a slight chance that I just went offline for a few days (mobile only) to figure this shit out 😅

All fixed now, though!

No code review for hundreds of thousand $ app with oldest stack pile of shit

I created an app that would let people in software development and general I.T related fields to bitch about shit and just rant about stuff.

But two glorious assholes stole it from me. So no startup.

Boss: We are going live tomorrow, are you ready?
Me: (Goosebumps and dry mouth) Sorry can you repeat that
Boss: Oh sorry not you, it's Sam whose app going live tomorrow
Me: (Inner me) Motherfucker. You dry dick piece of shit

Do you want an app completed for tomorrow?
It will be a shit.
Do you want a very good app?
You won't have it tomorrow.

Clients and bosses will never learn it...

I am a student. A Geospatial Engineering student. I made a demo Cordova app mapping incident spots on OSM., now my fellow undergrads think I can hack NSA, program a satellite, build all their dream websites and apps. The College Department wants me to lead an in-house photogrammetric programmable drone project. If they ask I'll say yes... yes I can! shit.😂

First time ever implementing an Android app from scratch (coming from C++ but also worked with C# and Python): WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT???

Ok google, set an alarm in 20min works great but when you say ok google, cancel my alarm it just says you can do that in the app. I know I can do it in the alarm app, but I am a lazy piece of shit, that's why I asked you to do it!

Broken app is broken again. This app is broken so often and so hard, I'm struggling to give a damn.

These fuckers need to take their shitty project, code and managers especially, and launch them into Mars

They blame us and everyone else for their shit and I'm done with it. I need to sleep and not have these fools call me at all fucking hours.

After 8 iTunes Testflight Beta approvals for my app ... better still, I got hte app approved for the App Store a week ago to "de-risk" our "final submission" ... That's 9 approvals for my app, and we're ready to submit version 1.0.0 and actually release on the store. We take last week approved app and "developer reject" if to make room for the final tweaked version (minor tweaks, minor bugfixes). Submit version 1.0.0., plenty of time before it needs to be released.

But, what's this? "Meta Data rejected" for v1.0.0 because some piece of shit at Apple wants to watch a video of the app working with our hardware. What about the previous 9 approvals with the demo account connected to the demo hardware?

So we send a video within 1 hour of their unexpected request about the very foundational fucntionality of our app. That was 24 hours ago and these fucking assholes haven't even responded, no sign of when they will trouble themselves to respond. Pure limbo.

All the work up to this point was to "de-risk" their infamously shitty review process and all of it was in vain because it's somehow brand new information that our app works with our hardware.

Holy fuck, what a bunch of power-tripping assholes. All I can do is pace around and review the previous 2 months in my head to figure out what I could have done better. But I could not possibly have expected that after all the Testflight Beta approvals and after the recent App Store approval, that they would suddenly doubt that our software actually works with our hardware!!!!!

FUCK YOU APPLE!!!! FUCK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!!!

Got some feedback for an app today via email...
"You are a fucking idiot! Stupid piece of shit!" Well, I guess one user didn't like it then... Rude fucking wankhat!

FOR FUCK SAKE MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND !!!!
Been working on an app at work for 9 months and now PM tells me customer wants to change flow of the app!!!

Kill me please ASAP!

Until today, I haven’t worked on a react app or front end project in about 5 months.

Hoooo boy. What a fucking rollercoaster ride. One minute you’re doing some slick shit you learned how to do from working on backend projects, the next you’re screaming at your linter and pissing on your keyboard.

2/5 stars do not recommend.

I’m out.

*ascends into the cloud*

What if devRant made this app just to see how to improve their own company without looking like shit?

Me : *trying to download latest version of android studio*
Google: "Your client does not have permission to get URL /studio/index.html from this server. That’s all we know."
Me: FUCK YOU GOOGLE
Me: *googles: دانلود اندروید استودیو* (which means download android studio)
*and downloads it from a random website*

It happens every goddamn time, why the fuck i can't download this shit !? Because these countries are fighting each other all the time! What did i do wrong in my life? I just want to download your fucking app to write another shitty app to continue my fucking life. I don't know shit about this wars happening, I'm just a dev like others all over the world.
Downloading an app, is that too much to ask? Well fuck you then.

Wasted 7 hours for this:
import moment from 'moment'

Should be:
var moment = require('moment')

What happened? When app running in debug mode all is working without issues! When generating release APK, it crashes when using moment

Fucking hybrid shit apps...

To whoever in the history of this godforsaken app I’m tasked with has commingled PHP with ColdFusion, I have a message for you:

Fuck you...fuck your momma, fuck yo daddy, fuck yo computer, fuck yo keyboard, fuck yo mouse, fuck the clothes on your back, fuck monitors that displayed this shit, fuck your fingers in particular, fuck yo brain, fuck whoever dropped yo on your head as an infant, fuck the car you drove to work in, fuck the servers running this shit, fuck anybody who was involved with your education, and if I see you on the street ima slap the shit out of you.

Best thing about being a mobile developer:
Whenever your elders give you shit for being on the phone too much, tell them that you are testing your app and get away with it.

Is it normal for every stupid, arrogant, selfish person to talk all kinds of bad stuff about my app and attack me personally on the play store? It's just a soundboard and it's free you pricks, be grateful for once and don't mind the god damn ads so much. I can't believe that shit.

Got asked into a meeting to give my opinions on the security about software that might be used to implement a web app.

After 20 minutes of listening to bullshit that wasn't even my concern they got into databases and I was constantly talked down, by people who know shit about tech, about the professional use of PostgreSQL and they only did shut the fuck up when I compared their "important business" to Facebook using MySQL.

Come on... Stop talking down about shit you know nothing about.

I know it's not trending anymore but talking about poor products - the Pokemon GO app! I mean, that shit is the Windows Vista of apps. Never before have I seen a product that crashes on the simplest gui tasks.

And after a month they finally roll an update which consists of.. "Minor text fixes"! $#%!

I pay over $100 per year for Apple's piece of shit developer program and the app store connect website isn't even accessible right now.

Great.

JUST ONCE DOCUMENT YOUR FUCKING LIBRARY!

FUCKING CLOWN!

FUCKING IDIOTS!

YOU RUIN MY DAY, MAKE ME WORK 12 HOURS A DAY, TO RESOLVE SUCH BASIC FUNCTIONALITY

YOU FUCKING CLOWN!!!!!!!!!

I'D BETTER DELETE THE ENTIRE APP AND START FROM SCRATCH, WOULD BE EASIER THAN USING YOUR SCUM OF THE EARTH PIECE OF SHIT LIBRARY

Why the FUCK can’t I deploy a cordova app to my phone from VS, god fucking damnit all, I hate mondays!
*30 minutes later*
Well shit, the USB cable was only connected to my phone, not my PC...
*sobs and goes to grab more coffee*

In-app browsers in mobile apps are so fucking pointless. People have default browsers for a reason. Why the fuck would I want to open external links in your shitty in-app browser?

- Deep-linking wouldn’t work.
- Users might not be authenticated to view the external links so they’ll need to sign the fuck in again - through your app.

Why the fuck do people do this shit?

defuq Apple??
I cannot submit my app and I have a very critical app.
this is shit, here we don't celebrate Christmas, so maybe apple needs to fuckin consider that !!

>be my team
>developing a mobile app
>I'm responsible for developing a "RESTful" API to interface communications between the app and the database
>there's also an "admin" web application which the client themselves will use to manage some shit in the database
>I've developed the API, it works with the mobile app
>instead of just making it simply a front-end app that makes requests to the API like the mobile app does, the guy responsible for the admin app completely ignores my API and implements his own with a certain messy dollar symbol language and a certain bloated piece of server software, accessing the same database directly, and does some operations in his own special way that will break what I've implemented
>now data inserted via admin app is inaccessible to the server API, and I'm expected to "fix" my code so it's consistent with this guy's shit, but the only way to do it is introducing interdependency between the actual API and the admin app's back end

Fuck my life, now I'm the one responsible for the app being broken because no way the guy who's used to kludging unmaintainable shit together fast would ever fuck anything up

If my UI is bad, the app is shit.
If my functionalities are bad, the app is shit.
Being an android developer requires you to be a fill stack developer by default.

To all you fuckers out there giving bad app rating because some shit does not work on your shitty phone and you are to fucking lazy to report the bug via the fucking "send log to dev"-button that pops up with the exception.
Go fuck yourself.
And to all the user whose bugs I fixed and did not change their Bad rating - fuck you too.
And oh.. The fucktards that did not even install the app and give a Bad rating because i am your competitor - guess what...fuck you.

WTF MICROSOFT.

I was Compiling app on windows 10, just gone for few mins to grab a coffee and then i saw blue screen with
Updating Windows.

Nobody ask you to do it. You piece of shit.

And that's not all, it even restarted without my permission.

Seriously Fuck you Microsoft

I developed an app for a company when I was 19 years old freshly out of school, lead developer. When I was 20 a huge TV station in my country covered my app in a segment on how tax payer money was being wasted on stupid shit (I mean yeah lol). They found a super emberassing typo on the start page of the app that they then made fun of. Still haven't recovered from that one lol

Our team really needs some workflow arrangement, and this time it was me who screwed up.
So we have to push an update to the Play Store and the App Store the Friday, the app is well tested on test environment then production environment, we got the ok so I uploaded a build, the app management team then continued the process of publishing..

During the weekend the app was approved and live to almost 500k user that can receive the update.

I got a phone call from the Project Manager at almost midnight, the time was really suspicious so I answered.
- Me: Hello.
- PM: Hi, sorry to call you now but the app is live and we have a problem.
- Me: what kind of problem? Let me check.

So I updated the app on my phone and opened it while I am on call.. I almost had heart attack!! WE PUBLISHED A VERSION POINTING TO THE TEST ENVIRONMENT. Holly shit

- Me: shit call the app management team NOW.

Eventually we removed the app from sale (unpublished it) and we submitted a new version immediately, once it was approved the next day we made the app available again (so for those who didn’t update yet, there will be no update to a faulted version, and no new users landing to a version with test data), I received one or two calls from friends telling me why the app is not on the store (our app is used nationally, so it’s really important).

Thank God there was no big show on twitter or other social media.. but it’s really a good lesson to learn.

I understand this is totally my fault, thankfully I didn’t get fired 😅

Do you ever wonder why EVEN Microsoft uses web technologies to build apps for Windows?

Because the StAte oF tHe aRt piece of shit WINUI 3 (aka Project Reunion aka Windows App SDK aka Microsoft 12th app framework in this decade) can't handle a basic save/open dialog.

An issue has been opened 2 fucking years ago and still no fix. (Other than write 250 lines of c# and c++ to get a fucking dialog)

Fuck this I'm going back to Electron.

For all those people with some great app ideas , visit play store just to find out other 69 fucking similar apps for the same shit you've been pitching me for the past hour.

So when our campus expo happened, I immediately went to the apps I critiqued last time when I was a a panel judge in the IT dep’s oral defence. Fair enough, this happened:

- The app I failed (the tilting avoid boxes shit app) actually got optimized and got the first time user tutorial I was looking for. I was short of relieved of them listening and kept going despite me failing them (props to the girl btw)

- Second app was the same as before but added my recommendations, nonetheless still a good app

I am nothing short of amazed they actually listened to me so I think that’s a win for my part

What you see:
"we gonna build a new application to replace our legacy one"

How to read:
"we gonna make you put more shit in the legacy app whenever we want and still keep asking about the new app you don't have the time to make"

Hi all, first rant.

I work on an app on the Shopify platform, which requires me to look at the front end of people’s Shopify stores about half the day.

Can we PLEASE get the Shopify devs together and convince them to put a hard limit on the number of pop ups and slide ins and modal apps a single store can have running??? When a user (or app developer) can’t click on a product to buy it (or test installation) because ‘spin the wheel’ and ‘join the mailing list’ and ‘Karen in Ohio just bought a toaster’ won’t stop popping into the view, your UX is shit.

I realize people could still actually go in and build these things into their store code - but I’m willing to bet VERY few would.

Thanks - rant over.

Supervisor has me making a web app in this badass new stack called the LAP (linux, apache, php) stack because he would he would like the app to be "simple". He's spot on though.. having a three letter acronym saves so much time.... and then we don't need to worry about a database... or querying.... or efficiency.... or even the web app itself because clearly he expects the fucking code gods to come down and turn this piece of shit web app into a fucking masterpiece if he thinks this shit can be done based on a hacked together file management system. Please save me code gods

Holy fuck is learning new frameworks frustrating.

I'm trying to setup a simple fucking flutter app and all their tutorials are basic shit with no auth/complex routing.

Any feature of flutter that's not in a tutorial has absolute shit documentation with 0 examples on how to use it.

Material app has like 20 properties and if you click on something like on generate there is shit for knowing what the fuck it's expecting.

Stackoverflow has a ton a code but that's just it, code. I have absolutely no idea how they generate the code they have from the documentation on the site. They must have been following flutter from the start.

Ahhhhh! 😠

shit, devrant app for UWP is awesome !
ranting from it right now !

Dev team: This part of the app has a shitty ux. We want to fix it after we finish this feature.
Business: hey guys we think we lack data so we got some users to check our page with shitty ux and see if they think it is shit
User: yeah it’s shit

Great use of resources you chucklefucks

3 weeks of search, but now, I have a miniUPS with solar and dc input for my raspberry pi Zero with cam.
I have developed a little ble4 iOS app to monitor all voltages and relay states.
All this shit from China, about 50$ except rpi and cam.
What you think?

Not sure if this is necessarily a prank, but I was working on a team that was split in 2. We had a group of senior devs in one country, and junior devs in another (god only knows why, and yes I complained about this a lot).

The "lead" of the juniors was very stubborn and refused to adhere to the official standards, as his way was better.

I was working on an app with him, I was fed up with how badly the app was working, how hard it was to find files etc. So I waited for him to be off on holidays and pulled some extra hours to completely re-do the folder structure, rip out his persistence layer and a few other things.

When he came back he lost his shit and complained to the architect. The architect (also fed up with his shit) told him that we don't have the time to invest in reverting back everything, and loosing all the new features I added on top, especially since the app is now adhering to standards.

Never felt such satisfaction in my life.

TL;DR;

Idiot hard coded database host on the app... Pushed to prod and suddenly shit wasn't working... Took me 10 minutes to figure out what was going on...

Wrote a passive aggressive git message and commited.
Before updating prod my boss turns around to me and the following took place:

Boss: is there any problem with the server?

Me: yes, someone (i know who was ) hard coded the test db IP and it broke the backend.

Boss: oh, but will it affect the mobile app?

Me: well, it won't work but I'm already pushing the fix.

Boss: no..err.. I mean... Will I have to make any change to the mobile app?

Me inside: wtf dude... For real?! Get your shit together...

Me: no. It good, I already fixed it.

Boss: OK. Thanks

TL;DR;

Moron hard coded dB's host and stupid boss can't get shit together nor ask who did it to take precautions...

Final interview for a native Android remote job via Skype

Client: Should we make a hybrid app instead?
Me inside: fucking hybrid app, hell no, the job posting was for a native mobile dev, and hybrid apps are shit
Me: We could have so much flexibility and can adjust so much better in the future when adding features when we go for a native mobile app

*phew* I almost lost my calm back there

Shit man if I thought that S.O for developers was bad.....Stack Exchange Mathematics is just fucking brutal omg I am loling so bad man these dudes have 0 patience and will legit kill trolls on spot.

Saw a dude not agreeing with implicit meanings behind certain symbolic notations, some other dude disagreed, fight ensured.

This shit is awesome. Ima stick with this shit for a while.

S.O still fucking sucks though. The stack is amazing and the app works fantastic. The people there are shitty beyond belief.

"Well, you probably said that beca...." fuck off

Lels

Before I was unceremoniously laid off by a shit company in which they tried to blame shit on me I was working on a opencv implementation of a proprietary document scanner.

I finished the Android prototype and was working on the ios implementation. It was left unfinished in the ios version because I was building it in swift and obj c to compare code bases.

They launched a shit unfinished Android app of their product without the scanner (they could not add the scanner lels) and have not been able to do shit on the ios version.

I did not give them the Android prototype. There was no binding contract that specified that what I developed was theirs. There is no record of anything.

The scanner? Is still in my phone and I still have the built project in my mac.
Unless them cheap assholes decide to pay another engineer for the opencv implementation, their vbscript php non theory knowing shit lead will have to figure out the required mat obj c swift java cpp code needed to build it.

Top kek

My team: "Hey were getting errors with this process, whats going on?"

Net team: "Hey were getting errors with this process, whats going on?"

Me *looks at logs once*: "Did you guys check the logs? There's a 500 error on the Net side app since 3am this morning..."

Net team: "Oh yeah we changed that but we forgot it would break your shit"

Goddammit why am i not on the alertlist if you are all going to call me when shit breaks?! Doesnt make any sense!!

one gotta love Cordova piece of shit -.-
Tested app on browser all is good, deployed on phone and that shit wasn't able to access internet, turned out I needed another cordova plugin for this shit to work.

XCode, I'm sorry bro you are much less pain than cordova :(

I am a fucking first year student and am doing an internship at a SHIT start-up. I've devoted my FUCKING PRECIOUS TIME into their SHIT iOS app, and the fucking boss is keeping procrastinating to get me that fucking pay cheque. For God's fucking sake that they pay me using the Canadian government's money (CSJP), FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUUUUUCK YOU

Am I the only one that down votes reviews for an app just because the review is from someone who's incompetent?

For example: major new release, so of course there's going to be bugs. Person 1 stars and bitches about how great the old version was.

Like ok you incompetent fuck, that's not at all how this shit works.

Me: ok, time to archive this shit and publish :D
Xcode: ok. Archiving started
10min later archiving done

Publishing to app store connect,
5 min later, sorry, we can't publish this cuz u haven't changed the build number from 2 to 3¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

Me:😠ok, whatevs, let's do this, archive
Xcode: ok, archiving started
10min later, archiving done!
Me: click next to upload to app store connect, 5 min later...
XCODE: SORRY, U CAN ONLY PUBLISH ON XCODE GM'S TO APPSTORE CONECT

Me:😤 OMG, OK 3rd time is the charm...

So now xcode has started archiving, I hope nothing happens again 😬

Fuck android studio in the ass with cactus.

*starts learning Android*
*Builds simple application with 1 Button, 1 TextView and 1 EditText*

At this point, I haven't implied any logic or code in MainActivity.java.

*Hit Run*
*Gradle Build*

*Meanwhile, eat lunch*
*Still Gradle Build*

*After 2 Eternity, Build finished*

Fucking, slow peice of shit. I'm rebuiliding the App, because the AVD timedout while running.

Nothing ticks me off faster than non working websites or apps of big companies.

For example how can it be that the Lufthansa app has no offline support for ticket stuff and loads like all their requests worldwide would be handled by one raspberry pi A...
YOU GOT THE MONEY SO GET THIS SHIT DONE

Been developing a Java app for 3 months, including basically everything from aop to rest services.

Meeting with po:
Me: So, guess how many loc I wrote.
Po: 400?
Me: *laughs* I'll get to 10.000 this week.

MAN COMES IN WITH CHANGING REQUIREMENTS ON AN HOURLY BASIS YET STILL DOESNT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH WORK ALL THIS SHIT IS!!

The fuck is wrong with android development?!
Every little shit app depends on Google-Services.
Oh you want this app that essentially just keeps track of your homework?
Well fuck you, because we decided to display a login-with-google popup at the start and now, the app won't run if you use an ungoogled ROM.

Oh my motherfucking God...
How the fuck can a dumb IDE be so fucking slow? I entered the office at 8:15. And I am still unable to checkout a motherfucking previous version of an android app in git and get Android studio to build it, because the fucking gradle is so damn slow it freezes the GUI. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Android studio get you shit together and maybe, just maybe don't be such a dick!!!

You need 5 min to open that project and another 10 to build it ONLY FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO REPEAT THAT WHOLE PROCEDURE BECAUSE I NEED A DIFFERENT APP VERSION FROM THE GIT REPO FUCK YOU YOU SHITFACED STUPID COCKSUCKING CUNT, SHIT FUCK ARRRRGH!!!

Sincerely,
Me.

Edit: now it's 9:35 btw

What a day! yesterday i submited a new version of our mobile app and the shit began.
The app was validated during the night (AppStore), when i wake up this morning my inbox was full! Basically every users who updated the app was stuck i tried to figure out whats going on. After few hours our customer service called me to help one of our client who was very angry, the funniest part is that the client recognize me... i was his teacher few years ago...
Guys i feel raped... really

Holy shit Sololearn is actually such a Well Designed app to just learn the Basics of languages. Really smooth Animations and Fun Quizzes
(Btw, This Text was written with Google Keyboard which some how is so bad, i need to Switch Back to SwiftKey like STOP CAPITALIZING RANDOM WORDS GOOGLE!!)

Spent last 2 days thinking of a good App Idea for a Hackathon. About 15 ideas later
Error 404: Shit to do not found!

I'm the kind of person that says "Fuck python, worst language, fuck C#, Java, Golang", assembly and C are superior.

But I have learned my lesson; Yesterday I learned enough C# to be able to make a windows app that connects to a another app via sockets. I tried first to do it with C++ but my app looked like shit and took me about a whole day to make. Then I tried with C#, got the App working on an hour, now I'm delighted with C#. I guess I have to be open-minded.

Fucking piece of shit, i want to make a fairly thin app with some native functionality and

Flutter - no documentation whatsoever, what a surprise
React native - i need 3 extra modules just to do what i want
Cordova - fuck no
Litho - seems fine but i dont wanna use native, i dont even have adb on my laptop

Snapchat is a piece of shit app. My phone (Moto G5 Plus) is far from spectacular, but ive never used an app that freezes and crashes more than that piece of shit app.

If they'd take Apple's dick out their mouth for a week and work on making the app less shitty for Android, that'd be fucking awesome. Or ya know...stop making some good awful update that looks like shit and fix the fucking app first.

1 - Spend 6 months building an app with Flutter
2 - Try to add in-app purchase. Must upload an apk to google console and register a product
3 - Must launch the app so the product is activated
4 - Console complains apk must contain 64 bits version
5 - Go to the issues tab on github and find a solution
6 - Implement the solution, recompile and send 2 apk files to Console
7 - Did not work...
8 - Find out maybe the console will allow just on closed alpha and beyond
9 - Put apks on closed alpha and fail because the Console wants a new apks with increased version codes...
10 - Recompile and send apks
11 - Console won't allow launching unless the format is using the new App Bundle
12 - Flutter does not support App Bundle with 32 and 64 bits...
13 - See issue about it saying the possible fix is in beta version, just need to update... What could go wrong?

I just wanted to release a damn app

I hate that shit

Senior Dev Idiot: "Ugh, I have another meeting with my business users because they forgot how to use my app. I JUST had a training session with them last week too. Users are soo stupid!"

Yeah... No. If your users can't remember how to use your app after a damn week, that means your app is shit and not intuitive or user-friendly enough. YOU are the stupid one.

#include<rant.h>
#define useless unnecessary

int main()
{
Fuck off Zuckerman and any dev who codes such shit for useless permissions and especially FUCK YOU CLIENT for asking your dev to ask for all useless permissions for your fucking app just because you think it's cool ;

return 0;
}

A call centre manager is dictating the direction for the development of an app I'm working on.

Everything is working perfectly and then I'm asked to implement logic that makes sense to noone else but her. Then a week later shit breaks. Then I'm blamed. Then I implement a "fix". Repeat this cycle over and over.

I've started looking at local postings for a job in construction.

I'm amazed how some people either think I'm fucking jesus or a god or both.

App XY not working.

Yeah. We're talking about how App XY and it's exhaustion of the connection pool since a year....

It's not working, what can we do?

Well. I don't know. Tried restarting?

Not working.

Well... Nothing I can do, you're responsible for developing the app and we've talked many times how complex the problem is.

It's not working, can u do something?

<Me just fed up increasing the connection count>

Well. I've increased the connections.
This will not work. It's a band aid. The app needs really a complete migration.

Ok. But it works.

No it doesn't work.. For fucks sake... It still exhausts the connections for unknown reasons, this is a band aid.

But it works....

-.-

This conversations was over then....

Well. Have fun.

I reverted the change I did.

May this crappy piece of shit die a thousand deaths, I:m now working on something else.

Goodbye mother fucking bitches, habe fun with the nightmare you created.

I'll cry over the other fucking nightmares I at least can solve, cause what you created in this App is beyond irresponsible and dumb.

These commercials for the Earnin app are cancer.

"I know you don't get paid until tomorrow why are you buying [stupid shit]?"
-- what kinda psycho knows when their friends get paid?

"I'm using the Earnin app to get paid today so I can buy my dog some food."
--If your budgeting skills are so shitty that you have to rely on an app to pay you before you check, then perhaps an animal is something you don't need to have with your current financial situation.

Like Jesus Christ the situations are all illogical and make 0 sense, yet they're fucking EVERYWHERE.

apparently my bank's password length limit of 10,000 is too much for paypal's app to handle and it fucking imploded. sadly, no screenshots were allowed by the app, but it fucking broke so hard it spat logs and shit at me with no formatting or anything. it was NUTS dude

After more than a year I decided to download whisper (app) again and see what was being said near me.

Holly shit the app is a total disappointment, first it crashes my fucking phone the instant I open it, I try to open it again and my God I'm presented with adds everywhere and a load speed so slow a dying tortoise would run circles around it.

The app finished loading the content and it's a clusterfuck of insipid commentary and images, "I bought beautiful new panties", "my lesbian friend doesn't think I'm cute", "any girl want to talk to me?".

After looking at the decaying state of the app I noticed I had notifications, apparently my account is active somehow, I tried to delete it but as it turns out the app has no way of doing that, YOU NEED TO CONTACT THE FUCKERS!

What the fuck?! Who the hell made this steaming pile of shit and said it was an app?!

Nothing more to add, I deleted right away.

My menu bar in MacOS was cramped, looked online and found out that an app can fix it.

Holy shit. Does everything on mac cost this much?

It is still blowing my mind how a button on my raspberry pi is programmatically functional in the same way as if I was programming a database and web app.

Fucking eh, why haven't I been doing this hardware stuff sooner? You can literally make physical shit happen. That is so cool!

What the fuck Microsoft !! Your android apps are total piece of shit! Fucking outlook Android app don't have support to view doc file which is created using your shitty Microsoft teams portal.

If I click on that doc file link through my outlook app, you redirect me to chrome.
Ok that's still acceptable. But the real shit starts now. You tell me that your browser isn't supported! Is this fucking joke?? Who in the world develops a website which can't support latest version of Android chrome?
Now that I have installed your shitty Microsoft teams app, it doesn't show up in "open with" options. Clicking on that link is still redirecting to the chrome saying that browser is unsupported.

Also, your shitty Microsoft teams app can't edit fucking doc file. When I click on your Microsoft word icon, You again ask me to install Android app for Microsoft word.
Seriously fuck you Microsoft and your shitty apps!

Duolingo used to be better. New updates and restrictions are shit. Specially the whole "take a heart away for a mistake, five mistakes and you can't use the app for hours". Like, I get it, you couldn't manage the traffic. But this is ridiculous. Also, where did the lesson overviews go?

Holy fuckin shit. Fuck java updates.

Today we deployed to production with a java app. For whatever reason it didn't work, just throwing SSL errors left and right.
Same app works on dev and qa

There's only one tiiiiny difference: Java 8 141 on dev/qa, Java 8 171 on prod

Guess what happened in 171 ... they updated the CA

rip 4h debuggin

Just css'd the shit outta this Web app... by css I mean aggressively copied people on codepen til I patched together my idea of design

Voice in my head: You should do something good this weekend.
My body: Yeah let's code up a community fostering app for the neighborhood.....

Two Nights later:
Amidst a half empty bottle of Jack ...
Voice in my head: dude why isn't this shit working, you've done this billions of times.
My body: It's your fault...time to drink you away.

And like that,
At the break of day,
A hungover and glazed developer,
Debugged! as they say.
Community app launched
On memorial holiday,

You see this fucker? Those are packets sent to Apple, what are those packets? The update of an app I am working on.

Makes me wonder why the fuck does upload disconnect out of a sudden when there is not a single issue in the network I'm connected to!

Apple get your shit together cuz an update process takes more time than developing the damn app!

When that shit start up reject you and instead of being polite you pull their shit app apart at the seams.

If you don't know what clearing cache does to the state of the fatherfucking app then why do you fucking clear it? It fucking breaks the flow. Your maggot-infested ass is then coming up with his own explanation why you cleared the fucking cache. If you don't even have a cunt of an idea why we use the app's local storage, why do you fucking do it? You neanderthal rotten piece of sun-baked shit.

Hey, the app was taking to much time to send the request, so I cleared the app data. Now I have to login again and start over. Maybe check your fucking internet connection?

Fuck you. Fuck your cunt of a face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCKING FUCK YOU.

Why are there bots on devrant now this app has like 50 active users and we’re all tech savvy enough to know not to fall for a shit crypto scam damnit I hate crypto just shut up about blockchain we get it you’re compensating for something

!rant but wondering,
I'm doing Instrumented test for my android app, and wrote that code to check if the fragment loads data and click on first item and check if all is working as expected, am I doing it right?

Any help would be great :)
Warning: LIGHT theme ahead, room brightness is higher than my screen and I can't see shit in dark theme :\

devRant is messed up!
I often open the app (iOS), see a rant that I want to read, tap on it, and the app crashes.
Now I almost got used to that shit but for some reason when I open the app again, that rant that I wanted to read is gone! Never to be found again!
No matter how often I reload, how much I scroll down, it’s simply gone.

This annoys me more than it should maybe. But seriously, wtf is wrong with this platform? I don’t know if it’s only the iOS app but so many other things are broken here, it’s disturbing. And those problems are there for many years, nobody seems to care. 😩

Don’t get me wrong, I like devRant. It’s the only social platform that I use. But… ugh…

AndroidOS.
Why: well it's built on Linux kernel so first good thing.
Due to open source everyone can get cheap (under $50) smartphones running on Android with millions of app to access. We can create custom ROMs.
Your one app can target billions of people around the world and so much more...

PS: half of the Play Store apps are shit.

TL;DR fuck stupid people

I had to develop a rather simple Android app. It had to scan a qr code and let the user validate an invitation based on that code.
It had 2 fucking screens, one for statistics, one for the scan.
One week before going live

Product owner: The app is too complicated.
Dev/me: What?😶
PO: I want you to get rid of the statistics screen. Also make the text and buttons bigger. Also keep in mind we might want it back after.

Needless to say the app looks like shit with the exagerated font size.
At least it's so idiot proof that even a monkey could use it.😂

Legit my only answer to fixing shit code for a nursing app at work is.....

Writing more shit code. Man the dude that developed this before had 0 clue what he was doing.....and because shit grew out of control there is shitcode everywhere.

I like writing shit code though. It is good practice.

Writing shit code without knowing is one thing. You really do reach expert level when you write shit code WHILE being fully aware of it.

New normal. New app to build.

- Still have to maintain older systems in parallel
- That leaves 1 week for developing the new app
- Slept 2 hours a day, coding coding coding
- Tested the shit out of the app because.. hey, its to help the customers' safety and health... I don't mind staying up late
- Finished the app in 5 days, code is now on prod
- Could barely look myself at the mirror because I look like shit
- Btw the app requires an external device as an input, the existing device works flawlessly based on my testing
- We need more devices
- Clueless manager bought new model instead. He assumed everything is fine, no testing is required
- Tested the app with new device model, doesn't work
- Deadline closing in
- Thanks, there goes my sleep
- THANK YOU

Holy shit, after spending multiple hours installing android tools/sdks/android studio/.., rewriting multiple configs to satisfy new requirements, finding a plugin fork that actually got updated, I finally got my wardriving app to report back SSIDs 😊

I was just listening to Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on YouTube while brushing my teeth and tried to adjust the volume on my phone but instead accidentally locked it. Then the fingerprint scanner refused to open the phone again, so I turned it the right way around, accidentally removing the electric toothbrush from my mouth in the process, spraying toothpaste and saliva all over my screen like a giant fan.

When I finally unlocked my stained phone, how did YouTube react to my blood being ready to boil?

“Wish videos kept playing even when you close the app? Try YouTube Premium for 12,99€ a month.”

I wanted to drop my phone into the bog and walk away singing Fucked With an Anchor.

Argh, time to drop out of the zone to go stuff calories in my face again. Just hook me up to an IV already and let me make cool shit!

Ps @dfox it'd be cool if we could take a picture to post straight from app.

All I wanted to do was to create a quick cordova/phonegap app that uses external plugins - so I can't just preview it.

I ended up spending countless hours debugging why shit doesn't work through --log --verbose --debug, trying to avoid to install the monstrosity that is android studio and finally broke and installed it, fuck this shit.

---

Another post had to go for this. "I feel that's a lie [attached picture]".

Who the FUCK thought "let's completely redesign the Doodle mobile app and make it as unusable as possible!"?

The app RESETS every selected option EVERY time you switch to another app and back. Like yea, you don't need to use the calendar app to check at what dates you're available.

Fucking morons! What. a. shit. piece. of. software. How can any PM approve of this? I bet even ChatGPT could do a better job. Fucking hell. "Let's save money with developing hybrid apps! We have no clue how to do it right but: we spend less money, yay!" Fuck. You.

(First rant. Don't know if I did this right but I had to let this out.)

It is 7:46PM...
I started debugging at 10:30AM...
.Net native making my app crash at startup... even before the logger can write anything...

Just now, I find out it is because of a 3rd party lib...

"Going crazy" can't even begin to describe today...

I really didn't need this shit today... just not today...

Snapchat is by far the worst app ever developed. I like the concept but the actual development of the app is fucking garbage. It hurts my head that they haven't given a fuck about usability, optimisation or anything for that matter considering its one of the top social media platforms. It disgusts me, though Instagram has completely ripped off Snapchat in so many ways; they've done a hell of a better job at it and if people weren't so tired to SC I'm sure it would be dead by now.

Slow UI, slow gestures, probably the highest amount of bugs and crashes, shit camera because it thinks it can do a better job than the native API at rendering, painfully slow upload, stupid "featured" stories that you cannot get rid off and slow the fuck out of the app, battery drain even worse than FB, oh and not to forget that once you accidentally enable your location it's impossible to switch it off, the best you can do is hide it from everyone. I can probably go on and on with the endless issues this shit has.

HOLY SHIT

FINALLY

AN APP THAT LETS ME USE FIREFOX I STEAD OF SAFARI ON MY FUCKING IPHONE

ITS NOT THAT DAMN HARD APPLE. YOU DID IT FOR THE MAC...

also devrant, plz add browser selection for iOS (yes I already submitted a GH issue)

Can we just take a minute to recognize that clicking on the uninstall button in Windows 10 not actually uninstalling the app and instead opening an uninstall program page, where I need to look up the app again and it sometimes may not even be registered there, is one of the most fucking retarded as fuck piece of shit design decisions in the history of programming design?

How fucking hard is it to just trigger the uninstall for the fucking app? Why the fuck is there an uninstall option in the first place you wet waffle of a designer.

Starting to hate resharper for visual studio 2015. Pushes studio memory consumption up by almost 1/2gb with a moderately sized solution. Come on jetbrains sort it out we know it's coz you won't integrate with roslyn.

Doesn't help that vs is still 32bit with a 1.5mb memory cap that will kill the process ...... And Microsoft please sort that shit out as well,32bit app on a 64bit system .... Come on WTF.....

You two sort your shit out 😡

The only 4 mobile games on all app stores: "shit for other consoles or PC or Flash ported badly to mobile for $5", "idle clicker don't-play-to-succeed game fuck you pay me to succeed faster", "complete XYZ random quick thing 300 billion times", and "free-to-make shit like chess or crosswords or w/e but bad so we make money on empty promises"

i just want something good to play when bored in the car or some shit without needing multiple devices

I swear to fucking god the itch.io desktop app is one of the worst design and programming piles of shit out there...

Deisgn is inconsistent and ugly, stability is up shit creek and simple performance is just shit even for an electron app.

If anyone has to do anything with downloading stuff from itch, just do it manually and ignore the app all together

Today I tried to make an asp.net app and publish it to iis all without the help of Visual Studio. This is teribly difficult!
Then I had a great idea for website to store my .ppt and .doc files (and other school shit) with mongodb and tried node.js as backend. Holy shit did I really host everything all in 10 lines of js!?!?!!! Comment some great tutorials.

>building the same app once again because of a bug
>look in the unity editor settings for android
>find "proguard"
>google it, find it might be useful to minify, obfuscate code and other stuff
>try to minify the shit of the app
>original app was 25.1MB
>minified app is 24.6MB
>minified app using "Gradle (Experimental)" is 24.5MB

Why is it that every god damned time, i ask questions until i have a clear view of a clients project and flow. I present them this flow. They OK it and everything. I build said flow in an app. And then at the end of the line i always end up with a shit codebase because i designed it to be like the documented flow, but changes were being added (and obviously paid for) all the time. I made such a neat little app. And now it all gone to shit.

Is this just me? Am i that bad at programming or what?!

Stop changing half of the app functionality after the original design is created!

My first rant in ages:
Been assigned to a new Laravel project at work and the murthafucking lead dev got no fucking clue how to architect a big laravel app. Lead dev talking trash about encapsulation and every big oop grammar he can find while asking us to come up with an architecture concept for the app.
My annoyance is, the fecking project been in planning for like 7 months and d lead dev keeps saying he is looking for ideas on how we will build the app. Fuck this shit!

I'm developing a web app, which is purely based on some commercial .NET driven API. The documentation is a 12 page MS Word file with incorrect parameters and non-existing endpoints. I think there's also a cronjob which purposely crashes their server every 15minutes. I just love getting client emails saying I need to fix my app and get my shit together.

three days ago my manager force me to complete a huge android app in one week, alone😑

this project contract signed three years ago😑 and my manager every day lie to contractor 👹

i`m new in office and now he wants fuck me 🙄

one week piece shit😡

so whats your idea to safe me😶

made my first dart server today, i already fucking love it!

i already used it for flutter, and previous node.js was my backend of choice.

i'd recommend strongly. no matter the platform for the frontend, web or mobile (or desktop app), you can use dart, and you can use it for the backend too!

it's like java but not shit.

1. Kill Internet Explorer
2. Kill anyone who sell their web/app/design services cheaply that broke the market value
3. Kill anyone who want something in exchange of "exposure" or "you'll get the money when we get funding or IPO" or some shit like that, you name it.

Second job

Was the lead dev on an ios/android project. I knew that i was not gonna spend much time there and was using them to add shit to the portfolio. my app is in the playstore and seems to be working fine, can't get credit for it and can't bitch about it either since i burned all bridges with that company. the app is a trucking logger logistics ba type of deal for a local company.

i was paid $400 dllrs a week. Yeah I know, ain't shit in the U.S much less Texas. But the thing gave me perspective:
Android development sucks big balls and ios is way easier and nicer on devs.

Worst: Spending a week in npm, node, react hell trying to triage a ReactNative iOS/Android app that even the OG dev couldn't fix and FAILING.

This is the only code in like 20 fuckin years that beat me.

Best: Watching the fall of western democracy with a giant shit eating "I told you so" grin.

Just realised that I've not been on Twitter since downloading this app; just popped on and rejected 8 follower requests from bots, had a look around ... Saw it was still shit and came back here 😬

App idea: Program that processes funny dog/cat videos and removes the annoying ass thought bubble text they put in them. Like "I is hungreh" or "you is doin me a concern" or whatever. That shit. I hate it.

Does anyone else have a home screen widget that is their contact details as a QR code?

And has anyone found a not-shit android app that'll do it?

I CBA to make one but also it's really useful. I hacked it together with an app that'll scan a QR code and display it as a widget.

Today :
There are Apps to,
Drink water
Walk
Learn languages
Learn new things
Entertain
Increase productivity
Kill time
Make new friends
Order and eat food
Shop
Transport
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God bless us,
There's an app for everything in this world

PS : someone soon is gonna come up with an App that helps you track and take a shit :(

Is it just me or is every app out there just a giant piece of shit riddled with bugs now? Did every company fire all their good devs and testers? It’s all fucking trash

"please try again later" is said when you dont know what the fuck is the problem but you dont want to lose the customer of your app so instead of them uninstalling your broken shit you fearfully tell them "keep trynna do the thing but later, later so u dont forget us cz of how shitty we are"

It’s been a loooong hiatus from devRant but I’m back and still no swipe to exit a rant. Cmon, that shit would make this app easier to navigate.

These fucking calendar e-mails. Fuck. Right. Off.

They never display correctly in all clients.

If the meeting is at 1pm, just fucking say that. I don't want to pick through a load of shit only to find that the calendar app lied about UTC.

Just missed a sodding call due to this crap.

Grab app notifications system sucks to the max. Actually the whole Grab app sucks when it compared to Uber.

But fucking Uber is expensive and high and all mighty. They are like hey our app is the best, so use if you want or fuck off.

Grab. They are not expensive and they do shit tons of promotions and gives much more coupons. But all the news are sent to that buggy NOTIFICATIONS page and that fucking page is buggy as shit.

I wonder that they are doing it intentionally. Hey give lots of promotions. Just make it hard as fuck for people to access and use it.

Fuck, I hate shitty Kubernetes setups. Took me 18 hours to start the web app. Fucking shit.

Can people at least write a damn comment and tell me why the fuck they don't like the app???

Yesterday I released an update and noticed someone left a new review, without comments, just a one star review.

First I was worried because maybe the update has some nasty bug, but no, this stupid user rated the app without leaving a comment, GREAT!!!

Now google only shows that specific review because the others were of an old version, so great, now anybody wanting to install my app will only see this shit.

If you already took the time to open the play store specifically to rate the app, fucking say something!!! insult me, say it's a bunch of crap but say something you piece of shit!

Been working on an Android app for a month and finally when it was time to publish I couldn't pay Developer registration fee for God knows what reason. :/
Keep getting
"An unexpected error occurred. Please try again later"
Feeling like shit :/

You see this? that's Apple fucking up! Uploaded a release and their server could not do its job correctly... Now I need to do another build just to be able to upload the app again

It's been processing for two hours, and there is another build that is processing for a week!

Not only their XCode is shit but also their iTunesConnect is shit, can they just rename the company to Shit, cuz that's what they seem to be best at doing...

Yesterday I had to register my new credit card with a national payment app (MobilePay) and it kept giving me error 32, which says "a technical error happened please try again"... Real fucking useful u peace of shit app 😠

Turns out, after a bit of research, that it will sometime crash if you language is not set to a european language. Guess what? I had mine set to English... English (US)... 😧

Like, what the fuck is that? Why would you check if a person might be from EU, be checking the language setting?
Get your shit together 😑

Trying Brave browser as my default on my phone. So went ahead and disabled chrome as I can't uninstall it.
And so many apps lost there shit, LinkedIn 9Gag etc. all started crashing.
Google misusing there Monopoly or just bad app code, I wonder

Gives unclean shit data.
Scolds you when your app won't work properly.

FML. I have to draw system diagram at 12:00 am and the worst part is I don't even have an app that does that so I need to use my Design app to draw this shit full DIY style. This is not my fucking job fuck you...
I wish my project lead go hell and fucking Satan puts his dick in his ass. MotherFucker then you will understand my pain ASSHOLES

Who the fuck uses App Library on their iPhone? Redundant piece of shit.

I now have further proof that Android 9's fancy Battery Management is shit:
The compass on my new (flagship) smartphone uses the air pressure sensor and the air pressure at sea level to display your current elevation. The air pressure at sea level is fetched from the weather app. And of course, the weather app has its battery policies set to auto-managed.
Can you guess what happened? "Weather app could not be found" and an elevation of -17m
Because no one thought the battery manager could decide that the weather app should not be launched by other apps. Has no one thought this through? Good thing I figured out what was happening pretty quickly.

Spotify app is so full of shit. Everything is so slow, downloaded songs still load slow if there is no internet connection, the ui is atrocious. It's so bad I found myself unconsciously switching to using youtube more and more despite it requiring me to keep the screen alive.

Opens the source code for an app I have to integrate with.
Finds: if($cryptPW == $dbPW)
What the shit?!?!!!!!
Learn to hash! Far out 😢

I don't think devrant would work very well in landscape orientation, but could we please get reverse portrait orientation?

I don't know shit about app development but I'm pretty sure that is an option.

I am so sick with shithead designers that heard about android, but decided it was not important enough to consider it and make their design for android and ios exactly the same. And then force you to implement the ios app in android with the same elements, even supressing native out of the box funcionalities.
They get paid for producing poopy smelly shit.

At last, after a year and a half working with legacy codebase, I got the greenlight from the seniors to refactor my team's app to modern front end technologies. You know, webpack, unit tests, component based architecture and shit.. I really love it!

My PM doesn't look as enthusiastic though...

That moment when you build your app around a clients development API only to find out their production API responds about 8x slower... I'm sorry, it's not my fault your API server takes 4000 ms for a SIMPLE response. My app isn't the problem. Fix your shit.

Started to rewrite a part of the frontend of a web app I'm building and holy shit, I've never though JavaScript can be so much fun 😁😁

Why do people like or even use Discord?

It is the same people behind OpenFeint and Discord - which has some lawsuits against it because the app installed shit on mobile phones without users consents

Probably that one time we lost to a shitty app that was of no use to the community and literally scammed the opinion of the jury.

Their concept was a webapp that would suggest a room to study to a student on our campus. It was called "is it free/vacant" but should've been called "is it open" since there is no way of knowing how many seats are occupied, etc.

The jury was amazed, the app was worthless, literally 15 minutes of coding, presentation had a shit ton of buzz words like "were using mongodb to store the classrooms", was just fucking horrible

On the same competition a guy tried to enter his company that was developing the Facebook page managing app for Windows phone, already having a working app and making revenue from it for at least a year lol

We still got second place, but it was a really disappointing second place, shit was rigged yo

Made custom app for company for certain kinds of inspections. Was requested to make a license key for the app that is used internally. This was in case they wanted to franchise the business.

I made zero effort for the code to even protect against a weak attack vector. Like some shitty ass base64 or some shit like that. Any casual could crack it.

Years went by and was not talked about ever again. I took the shitty code I wrote for this out of the app. I can put it back, but guaranteed they will never ask again.

I wanna make a mobile app. I just don’t know what to do. I was thinking on a study app , but my mockups were basically a ripoff from an app i used some time ago (funny how we think we can do better, but end up with the same shit). So now, back to square one :/

Any ideas? Anyone needing a very willing developer ?

My tablet that I had all my code for an app just took a shit out of no where it was never dropped not even a scratch it just went black and well never went back fuck my entire existence

After lunch today I had review meeting with the stakeholders on project where the content was late plus a lot more than previously stated requiring changes to the angular app. So I ate a shit ton of garlic from the salad bar as we sat and my desk and reviewed it.

Holy shit. I'm on the devrant app and I just noticed that the scrollbar on the right does this weird worm thingy.

As I scroll up and down, the scrollbar size keeps changing. It's a cool effect where it twitches like a worm.

Is that an android o feature or something or did @dfox or @trogus add that shet.