Happened just now:
Client: Please remove this page from the site ASAP, and tell me when its done.
Me: Done
Client: what's wrong am getting an error code(404) when I click on the link.

Am not sure how to reply to that

Mom : My washing machine is not working.
Please fix it.
Me : I am a computer engineer.
Mom : You are an engineer though.
Me : That's not how it works.
.
.
.
2 hours and many YouTube tutorials later
Me : It's done.
Mom : Didn't I tell you you can do it.

Internship number two.

*walks downstairs to get a coffee*
*CTO (my guider) walks in*
CTO: (dead serious face) "linuxxx (not using my first name :P), come with me please"
*walks along to his office, starting to get reallly fucking nervous*
*CTO and me walk into his office, he sits down and looks at me very serious*
*I'm slightly shaking, nervous, sweating*
CTO: "So."
*oh yes here it is its gonna come I did something wrong fuck fml 😫😥😨😩*
CTO: "So you know quite some stiff around security/privacy. Could you tell me some stuff about why I'd want to use VPN and recommend me some good providers? 😀"
😅
*nearly falls onto the ground from relief*

I explained him some stuff and sent him a list of good providers 😀

I was activating virtualenv in powershell when my younger brother came in.

Me: *all nervous* please don't think I'm hacking or trying to set off a bomb. (He always thinks I'm hacking and tells on me.)

Brother: *silent*

Me: *even more nervous* I don't want my laptop to get taken away. Don't tell on me and say I'm hacking, because I'm not.

Brother: Oh, I know you're not hacking this time.

Me: You do? *relieved.*

Brother: Yeah, because this time it's a blue background, not a black one.

Me: Oh, haha. So you're only scared of things such as these? *opens CMD and Git Bash* you know, just because it's dark themed, doesn't mean it's malicious. Besides it—

Brother: oooOooOh! You're hacking again! I'm telling on you!

*Note to self: Never use dark theme in front of the ignorant again.)

The spam denier
_____

An old phone conversation with a client:

Me : Hello

Client : My website and server are suspended? why is that?

Me : Your server sends spam messages.

Client : We do not send spam messages, we are on vacation, there is none in the office.

Me : Yes, but it is not necessarily you, according to our logs, your server sent spam messages in Chinese and Russian, so someone from Russia or China....etc.

Client : I do not believe you, we do not speak russian or chinese, how could we then write spam messages in those languages?

Me : I told you, maybe someone exploited some vulnerability in your website or server firewall. And if you want to activate your services, please check with your webmaster and sysadmin to secure your ....

Client: I tell you my son, because I am old and I have more life experience than you ... I am 60 years old and I tell you, spam does not exist, and YOU suspended my website and server, and created issues to sell me more of your solutions and services.

I won't check my server, I won't hire a webmaster or a sysadmin, AND YOU WILL ACTIVATE MY SERVER NOW !

(I suddenly realized that I am talking to a wall, so I switched to a robotic tone).

Me : Please resolve the issue to activate your services..

Client : YOU WILL ACTIVATE MY S...

Me : Please resolve the issue to activate your services...

Client : WHAT IS THIS SPAM STORY ANYWAY, I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU ...

Me : Please google that word and you will understand what is spam is...

Client : YOU ARE F**ING LIARS, SPAM DOES NOT EXIST... ACTIVATE MY WEBSITE N.... Beeeep !

I hang up.

Well, I thought about configuring an automatic response for this client, or a for-loop.

His voice was really unpleasant, as if he is a heavy smoker.

When you're programming instead of sleeping but you would like to rest the same. Please tell me how...

Client: "This has been broken for weeks! Why is it still broken!?!?"

Me: "Did you tell anyone it was broken?"

Client: "Well...um...no..."

I may be good at my job, but I have not been able to (nor do I want to) develop mind-reading abilities. Now please fuck off (so that I can go fix it).

BETA USER: Is this feature working? When I add a link I get an error that says "URL cannot be more than 255 characters."

ME (biting my tongue): Hi ****, Yes it works. The link you're trying to add is too long. Please try a shorter URL.

BETA USER: Oh, it should tell you that!

😳🤪🤬

CIA, NSA... if anyone 's listening.. Can you guys please tell me my root password.. :/.. I forgot..

Me: Hey Dave, wanna hear a TCP joke?
Dave: Uhh, sure...
Me: OK I'll tell you a TCP joke..
Dave: Please don't.
Me: Are you ready to receive my TCP joke?
Dave:...
Me: OK I'm sending my TCP joke. It'll be 4 words long and 27 bits large.
Dave:... Screw this, I'm going home now.

So if anyone have post it before please tell me and I will erase

Client: Please fix the logo.
Me: Okay, what needs to be fixed exactly?
Client: Put this word next to that word(shows me an example).
Me: Okay, no problem.
*after 5 minutes*
Client: You did not do what I asked for. Please fix the logo. Make it look better. Make it bigger and more outstanding. Dont change my logo
Me: Okay, I will revert the changes.
*Reverts to the old logo, and only does that as I do not fucking know what to do with oudstanding for fucks sake*
Client: I will talk to your boss. No one cares. My web site is not even finished and no one cares.
*It is finished, now the client looks for small things to make a big issue of*
Me: Could you please tell me in detail, what do you need to be fixes?
Client: I want the wording better. Im going to talk to your boss...

well fuuuck fucking fuck Im pissing blood!!!!!!!!!

External company HR: We are sorry to hear you've decided to turn down our offer. You made a great impression and we thought you'd be a good fit. If you change your mind please let us know.

Me: I too am sorry you didn't tell me you were moving to the other-side of the county in two weeks, making it impossible for me to travel to and from work. I too have feelings about having done all the interviews and this being the end result. Thank you

Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?

Manager: It should work how it worked before.

Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.

Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.

Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.

Manager: Just how it worked before!

Dev: ...

Manager: ...

Dev: fuck you

Oh God NO! Please tell me it is not normal for an Android app cumminacating with a rest API to send my login credentials in a fucking GET request!

SYS_ADM: We have something important on the internal GitLab?
ME: Please tell me it is working
SYS_ADM: I take it as yes...

To people who don't know how to use Linux: Just because I use nano instead of gedit or any other GUI text editor does not mean I'm showing off. Why can't you understand that ssh-ing into a server and opening a file in the terminal itself to edit three lines of configuration is much easier than opening FileZilla, connecting, downloading the file, making the changes and uploading it again. It's fine if you want to do it that way. But please don't judge me for doing it my way.

To people who are good with Linux: Can you please stop suggesting me to use vim instead, EVERY FUCKING TIME? I know it's more powerful, but I haven't been using Linux enough to have surpassed it's learning curve. Plus I google up how to use it and do use it when I have the need. Please let me be?

To people who tell me to use Windows for everything: Go suck a fat dick, you uncultured morons.

Please tell me I'm not the only lazy bastard that spends all week dreaming of the weekend to finally work on some personal projects and when it finally arrives as soon as I launch the IDE my motivation goes down to -100 and I spend the rest of the day watching random videos on YouTube as always dreaming of the next weekend to finish that awesome idea I had 5 years ago...

Damn I hate when people ask me to stop coding just because Excel doesn't work or the Antivirus license expired, even worse my boss gets mad at me when I tell him that I'm a coder that we have tech support people, who apparently do nothing, to all the PMs and Lead Devs

Please stop telling me about the freaking deadline if you also ask me to install your stuff.

Sorry for the negativity, had to get it out

I got assigned approximately 20 tasks, all are high priority.

Coworker got assigned 2 tasks, (“like fix button sizes and padding”, “localisation “)

He completed.

I got questioned: “are you sure you are a senior developer? Are you doing your work at all? If your coworker can finish low priority tasks in a day , why you as a senior can’t? “

Me :”if you have the ability to see , please tell me how many tasks I have that are in high priority.”

“Exactly, I need you to complete it now , I expect more from you as a senior. “

Me: “why not you tell me which tasks are higher priority? Because can’t be all are urgent. If everything is urgent , nothing is urgent.”

“Stop giving excuses, be a team player.”

Me :” how is it making excuses for asking urgencies of the tasks?”

“Hahaha you called yourself a senior. What a joke”

Me:”likewise, you called yourself a Project manager yet can’t manage. What a joke indeed.”

QA: Please Look at this Defect.
Me: Okay not a problem!
QA: Thanks
Me: <Starts to look at Defect>
QA: 2 mins later. Do you have an ETA on when it will be fixed?
Me: Not yet, I'm still looking at it.
QA: Do you know what time it can be fixed? I have a deadline.
Me: I don't know what's wrong yet, I can't tell you when it will be fixed if I don't know what's wrong.
QA: Okay. Update Me.
Me: Opens Dev Rant.

Ok so cowsay itself is already a pretty awesome thing and combined with lolcat it just gets better.

Another awesome and cool thing is devRant and so I thought: 'Hey, why not combine these awesome things into an even more awesome thing?'

Here it is:

(I will open source the python file tomorrow :D, it is just 10 lines actually)

Please tell me if you have any more ideas! :)

I'm pissed at my cousin who's studying IT at the moment. He wants to copy my thesis project(from 3 years ago) and make it his own for his thesis project this year. Like woah dude! Can't you be creative, work hard, and make a project of your own because that's for your own good? And don't you dare bring up the "I'm your cousin, pretty please"-card up! He also wants me to lie if his professor contacts me and tell that he was part of the project. Are you effin' kidding me? You didn't know how to code 3 years ago! How would you expect me to tell your prof that you were part of the team? I just gave him the documentation(without the source code) and I said I lost the apk. That's just how far I can go for someone like that 😕

So here I am... thinking to myself how does this kid not know about the shift key?

Me: "Ok we're going to test see if you have sudo access. Please enter your password, now"
Student: ~stares at the black terminal box and begins pressing the caps lock key. The light doesn't display~
Student: "Um... what? Do I need to enter a new password?"
Me: "No"
Continues to click the caps-lock button and waiting for a light to appear on the keyboard. It doesn't. He continues clicking.
Me: "You need to press the shift button"
Him: "What???"
Me: "You need to press the shift button"
Him: "Um.. I don't understand"
Him: Presses shift button, nothing happens. Goes back to pressing caps lock button.
Me: "Your password has a capital letter in it right?"
Him: "Um... yeah."
Me: "Press the shift button to capitalize your letters."
Him: "I don't understand... Do I need to enter a new password?"
Me: "No... you need to press and hold the shift key to get a capital letter"
Him: "................................ ............................................ . . . . . .. .. .. .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . ...................... . . . . . . . Oh..."
Him: "Presses and holds the shift button with his thumb and then presses the Z key."
Me: ~What in the hell are you doing?~ 🤦
Me: "Perfect it looks like you are a part of the sudoers list."
Me: "You can take you computer back."
Me: ~Do you fucking use the caps lock key to capitalize all the first letters in your sentences? Please tell me you don't!~

Do you know what annoys the living fuck out of me?
Me: no...?
Me: may I tell?
Me: yes, please do!
Me: okay here we go:

Sites which use Google fonts or apis or ajax or other Google-hosted libraries.

It takes fucking ages to load those sites (if they lost et-all) since I block as much as possible from that cocksucking mass surveillance network.

Google, feel free to die in a fucking corner while getting an acid shower and being stripped of your skin layer by layer, as slow as possible to increase the pain and suffering.

CEO: I've got a great idea to entice users, we increase our prices 20% and give 20% discount.

Oh god, please tell me you're not serious.

A friend called ITIS guys about some network issue on his system.
Frnd : Hi, I'm facing some security policy issues on my system. Could you help me connect?
ITIS guy: Ok. Please run 'gpupdate /force' cmd from cmdpromt.
Frnd: Well actually I'm on Linux.
ITIS guy: Well, at least give it a try and tell me how it goes.

*Facepalm*? *Bodypalm*? Murder?

Please tell me I am not the only one who puts effort into perfecting my IDE's color scheme :/

Please tell me how much do you HATE yourself for owning 0 / not enough bitcoins.

A: Can you tell me your opinion about this? Please, be honest.
Me: Ok, I think you could do it in a different way, but let's talk about what you did and see how to make it better...
A: I don't think so, I think this is the best way to do it.
Me: Oh, OK.
A: Why are you always complaining about my job?
Me: Well, you just asked me, and I work on this too, so I thought...
A: I don't think you're collaborative enough with me!
Me [walking away]: Oh, OK...

Qa: do you think this looks like the provided designs?

Me: yes I do...?

Qa: well it doesn't, please check

Me: well I hate playing find the difference, how about you fucking tell me what exactly is wrong?

Have you read the devRant update? @dfox and @trogus have done an amazing job of building a great community, keeping us informed of upcoming features AND asking for our input.
The upcoming features are 10x.
I can't wait for the store to open. Please tell me killer polo shirts and unique gifts just for devs make in before the holidays. Sending my wife up to buy me stuff.
All I can say is thanks to the devRant team and all of the community for the informative, funny and get it off my chest rants. I start and end my day with devRant and enjoy every rant.

Someone, anyone, please tell me how is this entry level???

Maybe I'm missing something here.... 😵

An interview scene today:

Me (interviewer): Ok so tell me this.

Candidate: Umm, aaaa, blaa blaa blaa blaa, this and that.

Me: But I didn't ask you this.

Candidate: I don't know the answer to that but I know blaa blaa blaa blaa, this and that.

Me: It's okay if you don't know the answer to my questions, we will skip to the next question.

Candidate: Ok.

Me: Asks how "X" works and why should we use.

Candidate: Umm, aaaa, "X is a .." blaa blaa blaa blaa, this and that.

Me: Okay, I already know what "X" is, please tell me how it works and why would you use that.

Candidate: Umm I don't know, but I know X is blaa blaa blaa blaa, this and that.

If I have a bug in my Java program, please don't tell me "Use Python. It has a library for that, you can do it in 2 lines".

Motherfucker, I'm not asking for a solution in Python, nor am I asking you to pick my language for me. The rest of the project is in JVM languages, and I'm not gonna rewrite the whole damn thing so i can use your precious little script-kiddie language

If I show you Java code, I don't want Python. I never want Python. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS FLUFFY, STOP TRYING TO FORCE-FEED ME PYTHON

Boss: Client wants those stockphotos for the frontpage.

Me: ok. Please license them and let me know. I will upload them to the page.

Boss: How does that work then?

Me: you have to buy the five credit package. Here is the link...

Boss: (no response)

...few days later...

Boss: please remember to upload those images...

Me: well ok. Did you buy them?

Boss: isn't that your thing?

Me: I don't understand. You had all the info. You new where to buy them. You knew what images to buy since the client sent the preview versions. What do you need? ...and why didn't you tell me that you were waiting for my input? I was the last one to reply to this conversation.

Boss: i don't want to buy the wrong images.

Me: just buy the ones the client chose.

Boss: I don't want to look up the email he sent them in.

Me: I don't understand. I directly replied to that mail. It is in the same conversation.

Boss: ok.

...day later...

Boss sends me mail with images attached.

Boss: are those the right images?

Me: well yes. Those are the ones the client sent. I don't have more information than you.

(Me looking at the attachments and finding them in the smallest resolution available.)

Me: why did you download the images in the smallest resolution? It does not make any difference in price.

Boss: well I thought they were not needed in a bigger size.

Me: why do you make my options intentionally smaller? I am the guy doing frontend.
..please give me the login info for the stock account so I can download the images in a better resolution.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks that yaml is a horrible format

What the hell is "4k mAh battery"? Come on guys, you know what that little 'm' means, please tell me you do.

You wouldn't say "4k miligrams". You wouldn't say "4k milliseconds". You wouldn't say "4k milliliters". So don't use "4k miliampere hours". It's dumb.

Just to be sure - everyone, repeat with me:
👏 0.000004 👏 MAh 👏 eqals
👏 0.004👏 kAh 👏 eqals
👏 4 👏 Ah 👏 eqals
👏 4000 👏 mAh 👏 eqals
👏 4000000 👏 nAh 👏

Thank for giving me 5k ms of your attention.

Things you hear from developers 5 minutes before demo to the whole Management Board.

- "... Does this button work... Nope... Oh well..."
- "What the hell is THAT!?"
- "Um... Is it supposed to look like this?"
- "Please tell me you didn't just merge this!?!"

Ticket: "I have questions about the system."
Nothing else. What are your questions???? Please tell me

The other day I was looking for my wallet and the first thing that crossed my mind was "Ctrl + F" please tell me I'm not crazy

Allllllright. Time for another one of these. It's necessary.

We get it, you don't use/like/acknowledge Google. Please, kindly STFU already with it. The entirety of the smart internet has made your point.

Oh, because I use Google I'm a fucking idiot? No, you are for thinking that. I've used many engines and consistently have they given me worse results. "Oh, it's because they build a search profile for you, they're spying" Yeah, I get it already, fuck off.

Linux is NOT the thing that's going to solve every single human problem, so please stop treating it like a good and saying everything else is complete shit and nobody should use it.

Windows has issue, but so does Linux. At least I can (usually) comfortably update Windows, knowing what the update includes, without having to read the source code fhanges or be scared that there's a fucked up package update.

Just because something isn't open source doesn't mean it's the fucking devil. And just because I USE that closed source thing doesn't make me... Well, anything really, except for a guy who actually gets different programs. Please stop trying to tell me what I NEED TO DO to be a "good person" or user or anything like that, I'm going to do what I damn well please. If that means using Windows with Closed source things like Nvidia drivers and cards, the so be it. Got a problem? Go fuckyourself with it.

Started my own business recently, it's still in the works but it's picking up nicely... Had a (l)user call me this morning asking if I could help him with his website design. I tell him he's and ask him what he's like his website to do... His exact words "I want everything like Facebook but the site not to be called Facebook and the colors green. Can you please make this happen?"

FUCK YOU!

One of the biggest things that grinds me gears is when I'm tutoring CS at my school as a student tutor is that I get those students who obviously aren't studying or even trying, in fact hoping their tutor will tell them exactly what to type to get that A in the class.

Me: "OK so here's the idea of..." *explains the idea on what they need to accomplish in a more simplistic, visual idea*

Student': *blank stares*

Me: *Blank stares back, thinking of how to make it simpler...*

I then explain I in even more layman terms till they get through their head I'm not going to tell them what to do. I'll guide, but I won't tell what to do.

Please don't waste my time, or I'll waste your time explaing the very fundamental basics of how a variable works instead of helping with your homework.

please tell me it will happen to me

SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME:

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!!!!! Tell me please, i swear to you. My life would be so much better if i wasn’t so awkward and have social anxiety. Tell me what to do because i’m tired of it, i hate it so much.

The more I visit a wide range of sites, the more I hate obnoxious cookie policy pop ups. The ones that take 2/3 are UN-FUCKING-NECESSARY.

Web devs that make them like this can you please tell me why?

Decided to go through my LinkedIn connections and disconnect from people I don’t know who don’t go to the same coding academy (we’re a pretty tight-knit bunch).

Went from 905 connections to 276.

Husband: “Please tell me you kept recruiters.”

“.... oops?”

Dear Android studio,
When u require an update please tell me u require an update.Do not pretend u can't open jdk folder or shit like that ...you could find jdk yesterday u can now
Sincerely
Me
(Frustrated insomniac)

It boils my blood when a dev (yes, a dev) says - "Hey could you please check X, I am getting an error."

FUCKING TELL ME WHAT ERROR, YOU TROGLO-FUCKING-DYTE IDIOT SON OF A WHORE

I became github addicted...

I started to use it for any single little project I ever created, for documents, files not code related (of course private repositories), etc. instead of using a cloud storage service.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

I just bought an amazing Bluetooth headphone but I'm really FUCKING PISSED because when its charging the led flashes green and when it is charged it flashes some fucking other tone of green and as someone who has daltonism it makes me really fucking frustrated because I can't say tell the difference even if my life depended on it... PLEASE DONT BE THE STUPID CUNT THAT DESIGNS SHIT LIKE THAT! JUST MAKE IT NON COLOR DEPENDANT FOR FUCK SAKE!

Thanks.

Dear Laptop manufacturers,
Why the FUCK would you place the power button where the 'Delete' should be? Just so that you accidentally can turn off your pc while typing? Fuck you.

If anyone know a good laptop that is thin and light, 14" and has the power button outside of the keyboard area, please tell me.

Hi, guys. My first rant here. Can anyone please tell me where I can get the devDuck? It looks so cute.

I am currently reading this awesome book and wow!! This book is amazing. Though I don't understand everything in the book (just started my career), I have learned some very important concepts. For one thing, this has increased my love for Computer Science and Software Engineering. Please tell me some Software Engineering books which you love or has changed the way you look at things.

Me: soooo can you get this done by next week?
Other dev: well who knows what rabbit hole I'll fall down. There's no way to tell.
Me: can you just avoid falling down a rabbit hole? We have a deadline.
Other dev: oh ya there's no way to know for sure.
Me: ....... Can you please try harder
Other dev: I'm trying I can't.
Me: ................

First year at university, prepared to set up multiple electronics.
rPi, arduino Ethernet shield, laptop, and desktop.
Brand new netgear switch to satisfy my internet surfing needs....

After setting up my devices, I realized none of them have internet. Hm. The feed port on my switch wasn't blinking either. So I tell the front desk, and a short 7 days later the port is back on. Yay, problem solved.

One morning I arise to see the port dark and inactive. Furious I use my laptop to share an internet connection while my actual port is "broken".

Support ticket is reopened and this time I get an email saying the port was disabled due to a security issue.

Me: what's the issue?
IT: there was more than two devices connected to the port

(OnLy TwO dEvIcEs PeR port???)

Me: oh okay I will only connect two.

The next day the port is disabled, again.

Me: can you tell me why it was disabled?
IT: a switch was detected being used, security error.
Me: how do I connect more than one device to the port without a switch???
IT: ...
IT: Please only connect one device.

🤔

I maintain two WooCommerce plugins on wordpress.org. Yesterday I had to update one plugin and let me tell you one thing.

SVN sucks.

The motherfucking piece of shit is slow and suck ass. My Dad uses git, WordPress why don't you move on. Please for god sack, Move to git.

"An error has occurred. Please try again."

WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ERROR? WHY CANT YOU TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO TO FIX THE ERROR YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.

I shouldn't need to submit a form 23 fucking times, changing field values each time, because of an uninformative fucking error message.

"Knowing" Bootstrap or Foundation is not the same as knowing CSS. If you claim to know css and you can't even tell me what media query is or how to make a page even semi-responsive without a css framework, please do everyone a favor and fuck off.

Please tell me too. I will start right away. 😂

Me trying to show to my girlfriend family the lord of the rings. I know it is nothing about code but please tell me there's good people out there.

Been working with Git every day for the last 3 years and never had a problem with it.
Enters Windows.Stash changes, tries a simple stash apply:

error: cannot stat *file_name*: Permission denied

Please tell me you are fucking kidding me.. I did not just fucking lose all that work..

:q life

Installing Unreal plugins from github be like:
clone, try to build
unreal: nah
me: can you tell me why?
unreal: nah
me: please?
unreal: nah
...
me: With the powers of MS VS I command you, tell me why the fuck you aren't building!?!
unreal: yeah I need that dependency in this plugin fo rmotion tracking
me: we don't do motion tracking *comment it out*
unreal: there I build it.

... I feel like I was a Karen, went to talk to the manager (VS) who gave me a proper explanation to why the employee had to behave this way.

"how did you make that app?"
"nice website, how'd you make it?"
"I thought only geniuses could make x? how'd you make x?"

maybe because I put in half a fucking ounce of effort into making it. please kindly shut the fuck up and realize that I don't care enough to tell you how I did it, because it would take more fucking effort to tell you than to walk away (surprise?). no I will not take your idea in consideration. why? because it's not worth fucking considering. go fuck yourself. and don't ask me the same thing tomorrow you cunt.

“Hey what’s this issue? Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“Yeah sure, what is it?”
[login page alert displaying “your email or password is incorrect, please try again.”]

How do people like this live? How do they not forget how to breathe or eat?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO TRANSLATE PULL REQUEST TO GERMAN?

According to one of my teachers I have to translate this in a coding guideline otherwise other devs might not be able to follow the procedure...

I asked him how he would translate it and he could not give me a proper answer... describe it he said...
How the fuck does it improve my guidelines if I describe PR!!!
And if your not capable of doing it better how should I know I have to do it!

Sorry I looked at an old exam and got triggered when I saw the correction

Me: so, what are you doing as a developer?
Him: I am full-stack developer, basically ROR...
Me:...! Sorry, do you mean R&D, research and development? Or you mean Aroura DB?
Hi: no man, I am expert in ROR! You can not call your self developer in our days without knowing the on demand technologies!
Me:... Sorry dude, can you please tell me what is ROR, I don't want to lose my title as a developer!!!?
Him: OK, we call Ruby On Rails as ROR.
Me: ~¢°¤”©°$®”«

Please, oh please, tell me there's an exception for murdering people using their phone in speaker mode right in the middle of an open space.

Please ... I feel like it should count as public service and be rewarded ..

I'm trying to work here, it don't give the slightest flying fuck about the latest crap you dare to call code and how it fucked up your whole application.

Nooooo !
I fucked up !
Please tell me what is going to happen if a pentester fucks up ?

I was just curious about the codes the developer was typing remotely while they were containing important datas :/
Fuck me ! I thought it would be nice if i take some pictures of that amazing code so the other employees misunderstood !!
They think I was stealing data ! 😭

What should I do ?
What can I tell them ?

I’m terrified of the Mac Os Mojave update - the last 3 updates have “black screen of death-ed” my computer. Please tell me everything is going to be alright....

Anyone please tell me. Did devrant 1st anniversary passed? If so, when is the 2nd anniv?

> be me
> starts job at a new company
> team likes me, coworkers appreciate my skills
> bosses have plans for my future
> insomnia hits
> wakes up at noon
> 15 missed calls, 20 unread messages at the start of my second week, some from the client firm
> cuss-word.jpeg

Please tell me it's not that bad and I'm not the only one that gets bent over by poor sleeping habits :(

I submitted a security report some days ago.

It is well written, it explains what is happening and what is the impact providing an example. I give some advice about how to handle this situation, it's about concurrency issues and it's pretty tricky to debug.

Answer from the reviewer:
"Please, can you tell me what are the implications?"

...
...

FUCK.
IT'S LITERALLY FUCKING WRITTEN,
CAN U EVEN READ IT?
THERE ARE PICTURES DESCRIBING THE ISSUE, I EVEN ATTACHED A FILE YOU CAN USE TO DEBUG.

...

This is the last time I report vulnerabilities.

Short one, but it really gets me every time:

PLEASE tell me that I am not the only one typing hex-numbers in all caps!!!

I literally can't stand to see them in lowercase!!!

Every code I use with hex numbers in it (primarily ASM and C) I HAVE TO convert them into uppercase!!!

Is it just me and my stupid OCD or are there other ones like me????

Wait... Do people really think C is an accurate way to learn how a computer works... Please tell me it isn't so

When the project manager (who knows nothing about code) tells me how to structure HTML markup. No, please, tell me how to do my job.

Lazy devs nowaday.. please tell me I have to enable javascript -.-

PLEASE FOR FUCKS SAKE DONT JUST EMAIL/MESSAGE ME YOUR ERROR AND SAY
"FIX IT " or "WHATS WRONG"
WITH NO FURTHER CONTEXT !!!
then when you respond to me asking
"can i see the code ?" 18 HOURS LATER
AND YOU RESPOND WITH
"it's closed source"
PLEASE DONT GET SHITTY WHEN I TELL YOU TO KINDLY FUCK OFF

This just happened to me, a few minutes ago:

Colleague: Could you please call xyz and ask how we can administer their server and ask about the bug?
Me: Sure, gonna do this after lunch.
[...]
Me: So I called xyz, and we're now able so ssh into the machine to administer stuff [...] and they'll check the bug.
Colleague: Oh yeah great, I called xyz a hour ago and we're all set didn't they tell you?
Me: No, they didn't.. (YOU GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT!)
Colleague: Oh an what about the bug?
Me: ...

It's totally fine if you're going to do it yourself but WHY dou you WASTE MY TIME? You could've told me that you already called them! 🤬

took me about 6+ months to accept that relational database is better than blockchain. But since i am doing project involving -smartcontract- now, theres nothing i can do but to tell some people that blockchain is a good thing. please forgive me for spreading this technology... after i finish this project, i promise to never step on blockchain environment again

Me: *wrote a detailed resume with my responsibilities, achievements, and showcase some of my projects in each work history*

Clueless interviewer: Can you tell me more about your work history?

Me: *happily walks him through my resume*

Clueless interviewer: all good! You pass the prescreening interview. Here’s an “assessment” that will require you to record yourself in a video answering the same questions I asked you. Also please submit the .mp4 file before your initial interview tomorrow where you will answer the same questions again.

Me: …

Why these HRs and outsourcing companies love to waste the applicants time? Apparently the prescreening, initial, and video interview with these HRs are fucking different. Just let me talk to the company your representing, have them give me a technical exam and move on from there??? Jaysus

I gave this so called web developer username and password to ssh into our server. This is his reply:

"Hey we tried to log into your server. We are getting permission error. Please fix that"

Me: Sure, can you tell me how are you trying to connect?

"We tried to ssh like this: ssh root@xxx.com"

Me (in my mind): WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING ROOT FOR!?!

Quora, Can You please tell me where is the FucKinG Close Button?
😡😡😡
I do not want to download your app :/

Recruiter calls to my open office job, asks for me.
Coworker: hey Such N. Such is on the phone for you.
Me: idk who he is, tell him to leave a message.
Coworker: ok. He says to please call him back about an amazing dev position @ XYZ.

Savage

Dear Devrant community,
please, tell me that I can report Safari's JavaScript debugger as a bug... Yeah, the whole debugger.

I can't stand anymore on how much it sucks!

Not been a good day so far:
1. Woke up to my Synology in a 'Volume crashed' state. Tried to contact support via web page; support web page not loading.
2. Ancient software at work stops working. As the last remaining C++ dev, I gotta troubleshoot. Original developer wrote test program...in VB6.
3. Server config file changed, but all the admins swear up and down nobody's made any changes.
4. Client calls account rep and wants to know about our security policies, so he schedules a meeting with me and client and forgets to mention until he's emailing me asking where the hell I am. From the tone of the conversation between the rep and the client, it's clear that somehow I'm to blame for being late.

Sigh.

Well, hey, at least it's Friday, right? Right?

Dev Team: Please provide us requirements for the rewrite of the website.
Business Analyst: Can you look in the code and tell me what it does today?
Dev Team: Aargh!!!!

I was just asked to explore Ionic Framework any advise?
Please tell me I will not face hell doing an ionic app :(

I started reading docs and the word Cordova appears to be used a lot, I had a really bad experience with Cordova + PhoneGap, am I in trouble? am I going to regret life?

This is my favorite post ever. Please tell me you guys know it!

Spent 2+ months this year building two new software courses. They've netted me a total of... $17.00

That's 5 cents per hour at 40/hours a week, not bad!!!!

also please fucking tell me how a $49.99 course with 92 enrollments this month earns me a grand total of $93 (even rounding up here for generosity)

creator: $93
udemy: $4506

udemy: "instructor gets 37% of comissions"

yeah okay then where is my fucking $1000+

I mean what in the literal FUCK is going on here

better put: i average a single fucking dollar for each $50 course I sell?

Please kill me and end it all in this mindless race to the bottom

taking a deep dive on this revenue share and then i'm going to fucking get the money i deserve

Please tell me this isn't real

Dear PyCharm,
When you decide to change the default templating language from Django to Jinja2, please tell me.
You owe me for psychiatrist bills

Upwork is absolute GARBAGE.

PLEASE tell me alternative to find a job as a dev and work remotely. I have to work for foreign international software company.

I cant be working for my local city companies because the salary even for engineers is TRASH

So I need to ask this because I've never experienced it.

Recently many of my colleagues left for greener pastures and now they're posting on linkedin once a week with some bullshit about how awesome it is to work wherever they went.

If this was one or two I wouldn't care, but it's like 90% of them vomiting this blatant brain-swill for almost 3 months now.

My suspicion is that these people are being coerced into posting this garbage. Am I correct that many companies these days are doing this now?

How long till I can try again? Please, tell me! I'm dying to know!!
And I never got the verification code either.
---___---

Shows client site in progress on demo server. I tell them not all of the responsive styles on a chunk of the pages are done yet.

Client: Everything looks wrong. If it's not working it should say 'coming soon'

Me: This is a demo server, it will be finished before the production server for sure

Client: Put coming soon up please

All this talk about "mansplaining" is actually quite useful when you get boring, non-developer related please-work-for-free questions,
- Can you tell me how to get this printer working?
- Sorry, but no. That would be mansplaining.

FUCK YOU $CLIENT_NAME !

You tell me I've spent the last 6 months molesting and hacking your piece of garbage multistore prestashop?

Just for you to yet again, change the specifications, saying "I don't want a multistore anyway please split them up"

What an imbicile moron, you want me to duplicate the codebase/database 7 times? just to start "downgrading" each one individually? To make a few adjustments to each one.

What the fuck have you been smoking? I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

Well, it took me 7 hours but I finally made it.

I have a functional Arch Linux installation on my new laptop.

oh except the audio fails from time to time but it'll work eventually
and my hard disk starts clicking whenever I reboot even though I keep disabling its "power management"
and for fucks sake will you please mount my usb when i tell you to
and my touchpad doesn't work

but I can code and play games on it so whatever it's functional

Do you live alone? Do you work hard and barely have time to do things?
Please tell me how you eat 3 meals of healthy food. If you do of course..

Why is it that when I ask you if functionality is needed you tell me it isn't. So why was it in the requirements doc? 🤔

Can I have the past 2 hours of my life back in which I attempted to work out the solution please.

Fml.

OK people, I don't need a novel written for every line of code, but PLEASE STOP trying to tell me that "yOuR coDe sHouLd bE sELf dOcUmeNtiNg aNd cOmMenTs mEaN iT's aUtoMaTiCaLLy bAd". That's a bunch of BS. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've saved my own butt by dropping a "this call can't be awaited; causes the library's internal API to throw an error" comment in my C#, or a "can't use double quotes here; doesn't work right for some reason" line in my JavaScript. Sometimes there are very good but un-obvious reasons why something was done a certain way, even though it looks like it could be done better. And don't try to tell me "the tests will catch it". Let's be realistic here, nobody has 100% test coverage on any project that's much more than "Hello World". And even if the tests DID catch it, why waste the time when you could just write a comment?

P.S.: This is not directed at anyone on here specifically. It's directed at all the devs I've met IRL and the comments I've seen on SO, who think that comments must be bad.

Please tell me this isn't real

Bless whoever came up with Scrum! Now when the PO requests a change from me, I get to tell him: "please refer to the scrum master and discuss potentially adding your suggestions into the backlog items for the next sprint."

"We'll reach you out soon"

This is a sign you got rejected without hurting you.

"How do you see yourself few years from now?"
Is a sign that your employer would end your contract or you get to be terminated if you say that you will not be in their company.

"What's your expected salary?"
If you went overboard, they won't accept you. You either lower it or never give a fixed salary.

God why did no one tell me about these sooner. I'm facing mind-reading interviewer/recruiter/hr just to please them.

Somebody please tell me: Why the HTML for emails it's so prehistoric? I feel I'm in 1997. 😭

How to tell your babe not to use ie:

Me: Babe could you please stop using the internet explorer?

Babe: why?

Me: It will destroy your internet.

100 hours of battery time remaining. Please tell me more windows...

For context, I'm a web dev student. One of my modules is UX.

These are my exam questions.

Now, please tell me HOW THE FLYING FUCK this is relevant to WEB DEVELOPMENT?

Seriously, I get studying UI, but uncanny valley; really??

Fuckin' hate being a student. Give me a job.

If you're going to have your package write into the SSIS log "please check the SSIS log for details" when your package throws an error

Kindly throw yourself off a cliff.

WRITE THE FUCKING ERROR TO THE FUCKING LOG.

If I'm reading the log, I'm already CHECKING THE FUCKING LOG. So I don't need the log to tell me to check the log.

For the love of sex, can someone help me out??!!

There is a VS Code extension that helps in creating a step-by-step tutorial of a codebase. Can someone please tell me its name?!

Google is a bitch today.

Uber is sending me a verification code every 5 minutes. I don't even have their app anymore.

Please someone tell them to stop, I feel attacked.

[LinkedIn, Recruiter InMail]

Hello,

I am Lazy As Fuck, and I'm looking for people to work for a company that pays me for doing nothing.

Do you know anyone that is an Angular developer? If you do, please tell them to send me their resume and phone number.

Thanks.

Yesterday i was in class and a classmate came at me asking for help, w/e.. I'm not listening this teacher.. let's check.
« show me the code »
She shows me, now I'm blind.

Full garbage! Tons of php function in the same file, mixed oop and procedural and.. all the js is printed via those php function, yup, everywhere you can see <?php print 'some shitty js' ?>

Fuuuuuuckkkkkk you. Not gonna touch it, please tell the guy who wrote it to fuck himself with a frozen vomit stick @not my injure.

Please tell me why my boss thinks instead of just implimenting a language picker, it's a good idea to:

1) store the browser's language option in the DB only for new users, but only the first time they log in, never again.

2) never give existing users the ability to change language, and just default them to English.

3) deal with all upcoming language change tickets by having devs manually do DB updates ON THE LIVE PROD DB.

I'm screaming.

Google really fucked up with localization for Flutter!
We need to create a getter for each translated string? For real!!

Please tell me I understood it wrong :|

Please fucking tell me there's a better cleaner way to write this render() function?

The use of so many "in-line" code evaluations, arrow functions, (), {}, ...

Just spent like probably 30 minutes just trying to figure out what closes what...

And the author is inconsistent?

Sometimes he uses map( location => { return ... })

other times he uses setState((prevState) => ({ key: this.state.keyValue}))

And there's no note as to why... are they interchangeable, used in specific cases, does it matter????!!!!!!

Or is he just trying to demonstrate 1000 different ways you can say the same thing in JS?

!@#!#@!$#%#$!@#!@#!#$$%

Please don't tell me the mobile app is a priority when the whole IT infrastructure has been handled by fuckface interns who had not a single fuck to give about documentation or commenting their shitty code that strangely reminds me of a drunken Jenga game.

React is so goddamn complicated please tell me all of this is actually worth it once you scale it up

Excuse me, can you please tell me which ass-to-mouth fucking moron had this oh-so-damn-stupid idea to take something so un-fucking-believable nice and simple, swallow it entirely just to create that most-ugly stinking pile of darkest shit I've every seen in my live.

Bluetooth.

After paired, it actually never works at first try to connect from notebook or pc, windows or linux. It's just a big annoying pile of utter garbage. FUCK.

Apple, next time you want to get me to upgrade my file system, please FUCKING TELL ME IT WONT LET ME INSTALL WINDOWS USING BOOTCAMP, 9 hours and I’ve only just found the file system that will let me run Adobe Cloud and Windows

Not sure if this should be a proper rant about the reasons behind this, or a simple 'so much win' situation..
CTO asked how I'm doing with task xy.. my answer: mostly should be fixed, but I'm trying to figure out this zz thing.. It is so fucked up, I can't make sense of it.. before I could really finish the sentence CTO was like: shut up, don't tell me about it, we know, just please fix it..can you fix it? Please say yes..and don't talk about this anymore.. 😂😂😂

First time me ranting about PHP.

First time. I still really like the language.

But what the fuck.
I am debugging, I narrowed down bug to my validator.
I played with php console and debugger and narrowed down to that one offending line.

Narrowing down to smaller and smaller examples when it dosent work, confusion and tension grows in me.

And then it hit me.
Confusion got to apogeum.

Anyone, if you know the anwser, please tell me.
WHAT THE FUCK?

maybe thats task for stack overflow? Hrm...
No, I dont have time to explicitly tell what I tried to google and spend 4 hours to have all checkmarks ticked before asking lol

Can somebody please tell me What is wrong with Microsoft and their broken piece of shit software?! (sorry to any Microsoft devs, if you read this). How the hell is it that their fucking installer and system repair features is this fucking useless? "Sorry, can't install on disk 0,cause the disk is in gpt format" NO SHIT, you were the fucking asshole who formatted it from the begining. Douchebag.

I'm seriously burned out "CTO" (small company 20 people, 4 developers).
Should I tell my CEO/CFO exactly that?
Should I tell them, I can't take it anymore, please help me.

Next month we'll have a fund raising opportunity.
I'm afraid it will sound like a blackmail.
I'm afraid they will think, ok, he's burned out, let find somebody else.

On the other side, if I take the risk myself, without telling anyone, I could explode and I'll be on my own.

What do you think it's the best approach?

Can someone tell me what does this mean? Every time I reboot my MAC ( MacOs Sierra: MacBook air: version 10.12) Every time i reboot and put in the password for my login this pop up keeps popping up once I'm login. I try finding the keychain first aid, but it doesn't have it. I know this isn't ranting but if someone fix this befor3 can you help please.

the two code review personality types

review activity:

- dev A: requests code review, sets dev B and dev c (myself) as reviewers

 - dev C comments: this review is marked with a complexity > 9000, touches > 20 files and has zero comments... also there's a lot of refactoring going on, making it hard for me to tell what the actual relevant changes are. can you please add more comments to this review?

 - dev B (10 mins later): approved review

WTF?! I just dunno how to handle this error message.

Are you trying to tell me that 'oops that C written Javascript library just crashed by a WTFCrash within a Java VM'?

Eh What!? I mean what?!

Will someone please catch that? I'll throw it to you...

Im building an android library that basically does file compression/ image compression etc its just a wrapper library around android's native c++ code.

I wonder how this is going to behave on different devices, as you all know when you do low level stuff, each manufacturer has his own way of doing things in their version of the Android OS.

Once i put this lib up on github please use the lib on your devices and tell me if you get any issues :D

Someone please tell me why react sees if(x = y) as valid js. That typo basically broke my app for 3 weeks and I didn't figure it out untill now. It set all my states to the same value. Fuck me 😑

When you notice about the trains of your city use Java 6 in Windows XP and you think: please tell me that brakes don't

For the love of god, why in the world are coworkers so prone to overflow with pointless informations? I don’t care about which db you use when I am a frontend, just tell me the f*cking endpoint to use ffs! Nor I care about the FE framework when I’m working on the be and most of all I don’t care about the reason behind a formula you use to calculate a freaking param, give me the goddamn formula or its name 🙄

Please tell me I’m not the only one getting triggered by coworkers explaining useless things, cause lately it’s so annoying

I hate it when you ask a question on so and include the complete code and everything and just get a -1 and no comment or anything.
What the hell. I doing wrong, please tell me !!!

I hate git rebase! Hate! Double hate! Hate e to the x!

Sick of merge commit by commit!!!

I believe Torvalds hates it too.. please tell what’s the big deal not having clean history. Enlighten me.

I'm having a break from coding for the next hour.
So, please tell me....what's the best bread maker to buy?

In all countries except the USA, Chanel logo is just "Chanel, Paris". In the USA, it's fucking abomination "Chanel® inc. New-York, N.Y. 10019".

People from the USA, please tell me, is American bureaucracy really that bad?

Can someone please tell me what is so attractive about a dynamically typed language? It's not like it makes anyone's life easier – it just leads to more unexpected errors.

please tell me who had the great idea that someone should put screen shots of a web page in a excel sheet to include as their "bug" report. I cant fathom that someone once thought this idea was "good"

Can someone tell me why C++ and python are so widely used in the AI department? I kind of understand… you want maximum performance (plus GPU) with C++ or easy logic with Python but still, it seems like other languages would still have there benefits in AI. It just doesn't make sense to me, why isnt it like every single other part of computer science where everyone under 22 thinks "now this is what JavaScript was made for!" (I mean js is used so much in other parts of cs, why not AI). Am I missing something? Maybe the resources are missing for AI in other languages? Can someone please expand

I loved you Xamarin.Forms I really did.
I defended you everywhere... Released 5 apps.

You FUCKING SUCK, no svg support (no none of the apis work), startup time is FUCKING insane, i could go on for hours......

Please any Android Developer out there is there any smooth transition to native? (Dont tell me about Js bullshit)

Help me fell the Native Power of Android.

Show me that apps don't need 20 seconds to start.

Age 20-25: Don't tell me what to do!!
Age > 25: Please tell me what to do.

Whoever the fuck at my university thought that a distributed systems project using Java Web services was a good idea? The server we're supposed to use (Glassfish) is so out-of-date, half the time spent on this project is just spent fixing fucking broken dependencies and otherwise getting it to play nice. Please just tell me this shit isn't used in industry outside of legacy applications.

Me: Why isn't this working?!
Normal languages: You screwed up over here.
Me: oh thanks

Me: Why isn't this working?
Javascript: 🙂
Me: Please I beg you tell me.
Javascript: 🙂

So my team (read: not the team at all) has decided that we are going to scrum. Someone ease tell me it's not as fucking tedious as it sounds. Sounds like it's just more meetings. Especially on this team which is actually already pretty agile. And the way our "certified scrum master" describes the retrospective sounds like it was designed by the type of shitlord PM that forces everyone to wear ugly t-shirts to the mandatory company barbecue for "team building". Please tell me he's just a terrible salesman.

I really should've created a devRant account with a different username than my Twitter. Didn't know I couldn't change it later :/ (If I can please tell me how)

Please, tell me: Is vim worth learning? Is it more productive than VS Code?

I hate Bluetooth. Please tell me that something new is coming for cars.

Found out a contractor stored 2.5 million rows of user info as json objects. 2.5 million is our sample size. Please tell me this is nuts right... Searching that would be taxing right?

Many of you know twitch, now think of all the problems they have to tackle to serve livestreams to millions of users and sometimes deliver one livestream to tens of thousands of people around the world.

And this company always shows me the same FUCKING AD FOR THE SAME FUCKING AMAZON PRIME SHOW I DONT EVEN WANT TO WATCH. PLEASE LET AMAZON TELL YOU THAT METHOD HAD NO EFFECT AT ALL.

The conversations that come across my DevOps desk on a monthly basis.... These have come into my care via Slack, Email, Jira Tickets, PagerDuty alerts, text messages, GitHub PR Reviews, and phone calls. I spend most of my day just trying to log the work I'm being asked to do.

From Random People:
* Employee <A> and Contractor <B> are starting today. Please provision all 19 of their required accounts.
* Oh, they actually started yesterday, please hurry on this request.

From Engineers:
* The database is failing. Why?
* The read-only replica isn't accepting writes. Can you fix this?
* We have this new project we're starting and we need you to set up continuous integration, deployment, write our unit tests, define an integration test strategy, tell us how to mock every call to everything. We'll need several thousand dollars in AWS resources that we've barely defined. Can you define what AWS resources we need?
* We didn't like your definition of AWS resources, so we came up with our own. We're also going to need you to rearchitect the networking to support our single typescript API.
* The VPN is down and nobody can do any work because you locked us all out of connecting directly over SSH from home. Please unblock my home IP.
* Oh, looks like my VPN password expired. How do I reset my VPN password?
* My GitHub account doesn't have access to this repo. Please make my PR for me.
* Can you tell me how to run this app's test suite?
* CI system failed a build. Why?
* App doesn't send logs to the logging platform. Please tell me why.
* How do I add logging statements to my app?
* Why would I need a logging library, can't you just understand why my app doesn't need to waste my time with logs?

From Various 3rd party vendors:
* <X> application changed their license terms. How much do you really want to pay us now?

From Management:
* <X> left the company, and he was working on these tasks that seem closely related to your work. Here are the 3 GitHub Repos you now own.
* Why is our AWS bill so high? I need you to lower our bill by tomorrow. Preferably by 10k-20k monthly. Thanks.
* Please send this month's plan for DevOps work.
* Please don't do anything on your plan.
* Here's your actual new plan for the month.
* Please also do these 10 interruptions-which-became-epic-projects

From AWS:
* Dear AWS Admin, 17 instances need to be rebooted. Please do so by tomorrow.
* Dear AWS Admin, 3 user accounts saw suspicious activity. Please confirm these were actually you.
* Dear AWS Admin, you need to relaunch every one of your instances into a new VPC within the next year.
* Dear AWS Admin, Your app was suspiciously accessing XYZ, which is a violation of our terms of service. You have 24 hours to address this before we delete your AWS account.

Finally, From Management:
* Please provide management with updates, nobody knows what you do.

From me:
Please pay me more. Please give me a team to assist so I'm not a team of one. Also, my wife is asking me to look for a new job, and she's not wrong. Just saying.

When recruiters send you shit like this:

"I have an exciting opportunity on hand that I hope will be very much of interest. Please share your best contact number / time to call for a confidential discussion. Kindly find my contact number below if you want to contact me directly. Thank you and look forward to hearing from you."

Just fucking tell me the position you are hiring for! It saves time 😡

Is it sad that I look forward to the weekend so that I can actually write some code rather than:

- Helping clients that can’t / won’t read docs
- Explaining to test colleagues that we need repro steps and can’t fix a bug based on “I was doing something and it crashed”
- Writing any regular expressions for another dev where it’s more complicated than ^[A-Z0-9]*$
- Wading through legacy VBA that’s littered with GoTo, global variables (even i, j and k for loops are fucking global!) and all the other fucking lazy shortcuts that save you 10 seconds at dev time and cost you (which ends up meaning me) hours in subsequent debugging.

I love writing code, and I think I’m pretty good at it, so can I please just get on with it?

Fellow ranters, please tell me I’m not alone in this.

To fix a bug I added a few log messages to trace what gets executed and in what order (very new to the project). Fixed the bug, pushed PR and the only comment was to remove the log files. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Please tell me this is normal or should I start looking for a new place that hires "only the best" 😭

IntelliJ, IntelliJ I love you but please tell me why making a jsp file from scratch doesn't work in the servlet but your template for a jsp does. It makes no fugging sense to me. StackOverflow doesn't know and I went there for help.

I was debugging that shit for 5 hours today over an issue that was fixed in 3 minutes. I need ice cream.

Someone please tell me why I spent all night forking repositories in regards to quantum computing?… wtf am I gonna use simulated tensors for??? Also, what is all that stuff? I’m really just a brilliant fool.😅👁️‍🗨️🃏🤷🏻‍♂️

Hello friends, please tell me what you think about haml? I just came across haml and I don't know, if its that usefull to faster write HTML markup.

My manager is making my team fill the tasks' "completed work" field in TFS with the exact same amount of hours we were inside the company. This seems unrealistic and doesn't take in account our daily capacity of 6h. What do you guys think of this? What should I tell her to convince her otherwise? Please, help me!

I HATE SQL SO DAMN MUCH

PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO LOVE IT

i wanna be data engineer

My body decided to work against me

Last 3 days my “sleep schedule” has been “stay in bed with eyes closed until it’s morning without falling asleep”

If I go insane please tell my dog she was adopted. Ah… insanity is starting to kick in, next steps I’m defending pascal and managers…

Not really Lol. WTF? Did you just tell me that VPN for IoT is a bunch of crap just to leave the room without arguing about the alternatives?! What is you fucking point you dirty piece o' motherfuckin shit! Please do me a favor and go fuck yourself!

“httpOnly cookies prevent XSS attacks”… wow.
As if not being able to get your cookies is going to stop me from doing bad things.

When I'm in via XSS, it's over. I'm changing the page content to your sign-in form with “please sign in again” notice, but it sends email/password straight to me. What percentage of users is going to enter their data? What do you think? With password managers prefilling data, and the annoyance being one “enter” hit away, I think a lot of users will fall for that. No one, including you, will be able to tell the difference without devTools.
You can rotate the session token, but good luck rotating the user's password.

Oh, did I tell you I could register a service worker using XSS that will be running in background FOREVER?

But don't listen to me. Don't think. Just use httpOnly and hope for the best. After all, your favorite dev youtuber said they could protect you from XSS.

My focus is AI but the only thing most people can respond to that is #Skynet smh 😑😑 like please tell me again about robots taking over

I hate when people just say "Hello!" in messaging apps and don't tell me what they want. Just ask me the question please! I might be in meetings and after 1-2 hours come back, reply, leave for another meeting and come back and the person hasn't asked the question yet...

I know reviews are so I can show my progress and let you tell me what you think. Just, please don’t tell me to click irrelevant buttons, trust me, there’s really nothing there.

I get this weird itchy, antsy feeling when in the midst of doing a tedious, but precise work. Like pixel-perfect mouse operations or keyboard-intensive code refactoring.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

Trying to find if there is a bug on Devrant.
I'm calling the herd (meaning a group of Devranters I added on a list for a specific topic).
If you are on the list and didn't receive a notify, please tell me so I can report it.

Is it just me, or do other people feel like mysqli prepared statements like to never work the same way twice?

I just finished a 3 hour debugging session where the prepared statement just didn't work. Then, just moments ago, I commented out an "echo" that has nothing to do with the fucking statement! And guess what? It works.

one moment please, I need to let my anger out.

GAAAAAAAA YOU FUCKING STUPID COMPUTER! YOU SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!

and to the people who made mysqli...
I HATE YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!

*sigh*
Ok, I'm back.

Anyways,

I don't know how, but I think php can smell anger and loves to make life miserable.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Please tell me what does a 11,300% increase mean on aws billing dashboard and am i fucked? So far the bill is 1.37$ and this is ONLY because of using NAT

I don’t want to write paper/ run test to produce meaningful numbers

Anyone want an image like this?

Just tell point me to the image, a set of text and I will do it for you

Please I’m bored

This is the mandalorian using his lines from season 1

Every time I want to check my balance at my bank, instead of placing my account identifier (in my case, my national identification number, equivalent to the SSN), I end up typing '192.168 ...' until I realize what idiot that I am! LOL. Please, tell me I'm not the only one ><.

She: Hello, I am ABC from XYZ. We saw your profile and interested to discuss an intern opportunity with you.

Me: Yes please.

She: So can you tell me about your current projects or work.

Me: Deep learning and blah blah. I am interested to work in cryptography or deep learning based work this summer.

[15-18 Mins Discussion on project]

She: Sorry but we are looking for Web Developer for our website to work on jQuery.

Me: oh! It's okay. [ fuck 😐]