Piece of shit admin installed a chrome plugin which changed the new tab to no internet default image ... The whole office was pranked

In a Skype meeting with a possible new employer.

Unlocks door after meeting and opens door. There stands my current CEO.

"You're locking your door?"
"Yep." *runs away*

Almost shit myself 😂

Boss: I have really bad new
Me: What?
Boss: ....
Boss ... we have to clean your room tomorrow and remove all the Stallman posters, because marketing wants to film shit. But dont worry, we put them right up again when they are done

This really cracked me up.
exception up = new exception ("some shit went down");
throw up;

//Le me
*Wants to open IntelliJ Idea*

*Searches 'Int'*

*Hits Enter*

Internet Explorer to the rescue

Internet Explorer: Finally, somebody remembered me!

*Internet Explorer opens*

Internet Explorer: *opens a bajillion new windows*

Internet Explorer:
Make me your default browser plz..

Internet Explorer: *freezes*

Me: Shit

This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*

So I had a job interview and got offered the job on the spot, then I went back to my manager at my current workplace to raise an issue about me being underpaid for this months wages and this is how the conversation went.

Enjoy.

Apple at WWDC 2018.

"Now we added this all new feature!"

"Gallery view on finder"

Sheeps: YAAAAAAAAY

Wait! Whaaaaat! This shit was back there in Windows XP. People, this is Filmstrip view!!! 😂😂😂

Boss: I need this page to behave in a completely new way.
Me: that's all fine and dandy but it requires a rewrite.
Boss: nah just look man, it's really simple all I want is blah, blah blah...

I'm too tired for this shit

Microsoft creates a new chat bot:
Day 1
User : hi
Chatbot: hello, how's yours day? 😁

One month later:
User: hi
Chatbot: fuck off your piece of shit.😡

New job
New project
Main React component file
20028 loc
Can’t make this shit up

New phone, after using double-tap to upvote a rant devRant told me that I can upvote rants by double-tapping. No shit sherlock

Just moved, new room, let's try to setup port forwarding!

Well, i thought that too. Just spent hours trying to get this motherfucker to work. Tutorials, everything.

Every time that damn can't connect error. About to lose my shit.

Suddenly *hold on, is Apache installed on my new KDE Neon installation?!*

*oops* 😅

Sometimes when I meet new people and they ask "What is your job?" I want to answer "I'm a plumber" 😄

Because I'm so sick of reinstalling Windows on people's laptop's and other shit like that 😔

"Another one bites the dust.." BEEP BEEP BEEP!
😬 "Shit, make that two."

Down from 5TB redundant to 3TB non-redundant and still waiting for my new Reds. No choice but to shut everything down and wait. 😩

[Microsoft documentation]

* click here to know more about ShitException *click it*

* discover the new Surface Pro, click for purchase..

what the shit !!

I’m doing this guys website for FREE. As a favor to my mom. This is the shit I have to deal with as thanks.

He gave me some images he wanted on his new site I’m developing on Tuesday. Woke up to this email.

Finally time to download the new Visual Studio 2017, click download, file size 1MB!😐 Fuck you all web installers! Eat shit and DIE!

Wtf how am I seeing job postings for senior blockchain developers with 8+ years of experience? Aint this shit like super new??

Just got a brand new car coming from a 1999 Honda CRV and holy shit the tech in these things is insane.. basically drives itself on HWY's, can start it from an app, does all sorts of weird stuff.. obviously it comes with risks of being hacked and all that but damn new cars are wicked these days.

After a little I'm having huge issues with my new phone. No custom ROMs available.

Fuck this shit I'm going to try to port another Mediatek based ROM to my phone tonight.

I'd rather get a bricked device than working with this piece of shit vendor made android system.

The phone itself other the the software is very good though!

Umidigi programmers, go fuck yourselves.

> Saw “pied pipper” tag on twitter trends
> “Oh shit, is there a new season of silicon valley?”
> * opens it
> korean live concert or shit

FUCK WEB DEVELOPMENT.

Seriously, what the hell. Things evolve so goddamn fast and someone new to the field can’t even grab something to start with. Once you start understanding something it fuckin changes and something else takes it’s place.

Fuck this shit, I’m out.

First time I was scared and decided not to use a ATM machine, since that piece of shit Windows device notified me about some new USB hardware detected :)

*the Company closes a project and splits us in different teams*

Me: *tells the manager for half a year about feeling extremely bad in the new team which is mobbing me, caling the previous project "shit" (it was not, it simply didn't need to be alive anymore cause we found out cheap alternatives) and not letting me do anything*

Company(half a year later): *sends me into a new project* we don't get why you are underperforming lately.

Me: *full burnout after half a year of being treated as living shit* yeah. Wonder why.

I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS BUY NEW STUFF WHEN THEIR OLD THINGS WORK PERFECTLY FINE!
FFS PEOPLE ARE JUST FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT NOWADAYS! I MEAN, FIRST THEYRE LIKE, oh we need to save the planet bla bla.... THEN THEIR LIKE!
OMFG! NEW IPHONE X WOLOLO MUST HAVE! OMG MY OLD PHONE IS WORKING PERFECTLY FINE BUT ITS THE NEW IPHONE OMG!
I MEAN! COME FUCKING ON! WHAT IDIOTS! IF ITS WORKING, KEEP IT!
#NoHomo

Holy fucking shit!
Look, I know I'm kinda average, I actually think I'm kinda stupid... But holy fuck this new mother fucker at work is in a fucking new level of dumb ... OMG!

I'm actually thinking about asking my boss to let him go and this guy isn't even there for 2 weeks yet.

Pls new line and tab that shit!

Dude from old job who treated me like shit messaged me to implement 2 new features. I quit like half a year ago now. Ok i guess.

First day in 2019:
> Over slept and came to work 1.5 hour late

2019 will be revolutionary !

I've seen new sets of tired go for a like $400.

Fuck that shit man. And that's if you're lucky. What if it's some transmission shit? Then you're mad hurt.

STOP CODING MUTHERFUCKER AND THING YOU DUMB FUCK!!! THIIIINK!!!! IMPROVE!!! LEARN NEW SHIT!!!

STOP CODING TO CODE BETTER!

Template for every Silicon Valley episode be like:

1. Start solving problem from previous episode.
2. Creating some shit that solves the problem.
3. Initialize new problem.

Damn it. I'm still hooked!!

*wondered for 4 years how a bootloop looks like*
Nexus: yOU wAnE kNoW wHaT a BoOtLoOp LoOkS LiKe?!

*bootloops itself to shit*

Well I guess that I know what I'll be doing tonight then. Flash that new StatixOS build because the phone shat itself.

*tries to reflash the recovery*
*still bootloops*
*tries to flash the stock OS*
*still fucking bootloops*
*finds a post on XDA saying something about fucked big cores that need to be disabled*

Fucking piece of junk. So not only the battery is shit, but also the CPU is shit, huh. Certified pieces of shit.

*flashes the patched boot.img that disables the big cores*
*phone loads Google logo.. good*
*BOOTLOOPS FUCKING AGAIN*

MJHUIETHNIUBESZPTUIBG ESVGU d

FUCK!!! Fuck you Google, fuck you Nexus, fuck you Huawei, HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE TO DESIGN A FUCKING PHONE?!!!

So yeah. Looking for suggestions for a new phone. Anything of which the kernel source is released and of which the battery is halfway decent (unlike this fucking piece of shit) should do.

Developers

that

put

every

line

of

code

on

a

new

line

Why??????? Seriously this shit is not making it more readable you know

I am a New student in a programming school. Haven't coded enything ever. Use 1 week to make html, css and JavaScript website from scartch. *Happy for my achivement* curent teacher comes to review my work. Tells me it's shit. Teacher uses only ready maid templates... Fuuuuuu

"Server deployment is automated from git, so dont merge things into the master branch without permission"
Oh ok
>i create new branch
>push unfinished code because i gotta hurry
>server breaks
Well golly gee seems like you did a shit job at automating

Motherfucker, every fucking meeting on this project we have a fucking 3 week deadline to accomplish the fucking impossible.

And now they practically want me to rewrite the whole fucking application.

And my fucking boss can't fucking shut the fuck up and keep having "ideas" on new thing.

YEU FUKCING STUPID PIECES OF SHIT!!! HOW CAN WE ADD SHIT WHEN EVERYTHING IS HALF ASSED BECAUSE WE DONT STOP ADDING SHIT? FUCK YOU!

Whenever I'm trying new tech at work I don't keep interrupting people ta help me with error messages because ITS A FUCKING NEW TECH AND NO ONE WORKS WITH THAT SHIT!

WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP ASKING ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR FUCKED UP NODE SHIT AFTER I TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE IT? STOP IT!

Just got a new work laptop last week. An upgrade from a crappy consumer grade piece of shit to a proper business grade 8c/16t laptop feels good.
Also Fedora.

New job...
No introduction to project
No database overview
No documentation
No commented code

Shit, hope this isn't normal in the industry I have aimed the rest of my life at

System.out.print(“My life sucks so bad”);

*Started a new job in january - no motivation to study in school.
*Girlfriend dumped me after 5.5 years (she met an awesome co-worker to hang with) - i had to move out with all my shit and find a new place to live.
*Losing friends who i made when i was with her.
*No motivation to finish any of my projects.
*Had christmas and new years with her - shittiest of all years.

!rant
Damn github is da shit.
I'm sure all of those people who ranted about committing their passwords and keys will be happy
PS. I don't know if this is new but I'm happy either way :D

"Shit, redefined."
"Shit, reinvented"
"One shit to rule them all!"
"A new era of bullshit"
"The world's 1st portable pile of shit!"

-> Typical Kickstarter slogans... 
Seriously I found at least five campaigns using them! Wtf how uncreative can you be!?

Sold the company and started working fulltime at a company in a different sector a year or so ago.

Today one of the ops people comes up and says that someone is on the phone asking for me.

One of my old clients apparently had a question about their site. Turns out that they tracked me down on LinkedIn, and called my new company's public line just to see if I would be available to help them out.

Fortunately the new powers that be took that one in their strides..

been a win user for all my career.
started a new job last monday,and had to switch to a mac.

damn, that shit fries my brain.
all the shortcuts, my brackets, everything is different.

Never stop learning new shit.

Lets beat Snapchat!

But, How?

Let's buy WhatsApp, Instagram.
Press cmd+C and cmd+V.
Now our apps have new features 🤑🤑

Go fuck yourself Facebook. New WhatsApp is shit!

Finally, with iOS 11, now we can sync older conversations with new devices.... Thanks apple, it took 11 fucking versions to do this simple shit!

New to Java.
I was debugging for hours until I finally found the problem: "==" compares two strings' references, not their value.
I began to laugh tears!
Oh my fucking shit... I am a... damn it!

My boss keeps trying new tech with important new projects instead of trying the fucking new things with anything other than important shit.

I support this let's try better options approach but cmon, be rational about it.

This month is going pretty well so far..

New job: ☑️
Get out of FinTech: ☑️
New place: ☑️
Get rid of car #1: ☑️
Get rid of car #2: ☑️
Pay a shit lot of taxes: ☑️
Still have some money to on the side: ☑️
Book flight&car: ⬜️
Register in new country: ⬜️

And still 2 weeks to go.
Holidays are coming though..

I actually did a sticky label agile board for this 😄

When you start something new, but alone..
Nobody to discuss shit with!

"Linux is shit because nothing works on my new DOM 2017/2018 laptop!"

Yes it's true that nothing will work if you put your finking ubuntu 14.04 installation with a fucking old 3.13 kernel in your new Laptop!

Update. Your. Fucking. System.

15 days and counting until I move to my new job working for the smartest person I know on something I'm passionate about. Holy shit! This is gonna happen!

*Android New version released*

Users: Wow! Let's see what are the new features are...

Developers: Shit! Let's see what are the things they DEPRECATED.

Looking at the one star reviews when buying new tech is pretty telling.

If you struggle to string sentences together, it's no wonder you can't get shit to work.

Ffs Google that new UI is ugly af...
Stop making everything white it makes people blind!

Both bathrooms on the floor being used. Had to go downstairs to use bathroom.

Translation:
I took this shit to a whole new level.

Google -> Niantic -> shit
Hate them for biting off more than they can chew, they successfully fucked up two of their games, now they are launching the third one.. Can you just fix the stuff you fucked up before you continue with new stuff?? Okithxbye

I have been around in awhile because I’ve been learning PHP/laravel. Holy shit has PHP changed. Composer, Valet, Laravel, and Brew makes life so much easier. I used to talk shot about PHP but it’s now my new favorite language. PHP7 is fantastic.

Dude let his sister play a game for an hour, and his performance went to shit afterwards. Turns out she had somehow installed a new rogue AV going around and it did this shit to scare him into buying.
Edit: forgot to add that it's called "Segurazo"

Really Microsoft really you're going to make me upgrade to the new fucking shitty version of Skype. Just let me keep it how it is and fuck right off. I already deal with all your shit in Windows.

Finally giving it a go. I'm completely new to this shit, anyone got any advice / ideas?

Not really a rant.

When you start learning a new prog paradigm focused on a particular branch of math and then see it being used to solve a sudoku puzzle in 3 lines of code. Well, that shit changes you and makes you wonder how much shit in the field we don't focus in for being too concerned with everythingPython and everythingNode

Brain is mush but I am loving this shit.

End of adventures of the COO and Start of a new beginning

It takes years to improve a company and takes only a few months for a dumbass with shit for brain to take it all down

After four years working ( underpaid ) in a digital advertising agency helping the company grow, getting global exposure and few awards later, last Friday was my last day

To all the future and current CEO's out there, Don't hire someone just cause you know them, hire them for their skills or their brain power

I've seen fucking clay pots with more brains than this COO

What you see:
"we gonna build a new application to replace our legacy one"

How to read:
"we gonna make you put more shit in the legacy app whenever we want and still keep asking about the new app you don't have the time to make"

Don't scroll here.
Go and live a real life,
Don't make a computer screen as your world,
there is a beautiful world outside of your cave,
Talk with people's face to face,
go
go
go.

Ok enough philosophy, Time to add new shit in current shitty code.
(-_-)

Worst: working a job where I wasn't learning anything and had shit management.

Best: got a new job where I'm learning lots and has great management.

Super trivial but who ships a laptop to a new employee with random software on that is clearly for their own preferences? I don't use classic shell, I don't like classic shell, and it hugely fucked with both my opinion of the new place (an IT company, ffs) and my estimation of the person who configured it. Do whatever shit you must on your own machine but get out of my way and let me use the fucking os without more pointless shit! I wouldn't do this to you, no matter how much I might love some obscure additional layer for primarily nostalgic reasons. Raging!

holy shit i have push notifications on devrant now. this is new

Learned a new word here in devRant: sleep code.

Code that's is written where you hardly can get an eye open.

Crazy shit 😵

Edit: Yeah, I count sleep code as one word (or phrase if this will satisfy you before commenting)

Linked Jobs:
- Notification : a new job just published.
*The title is interesting, I open it*
- 1430 candidates applied for this job.

Shit 🙄

Any one else’s kinda enjoy the process of removing tech debt? always thought it felt good to rip out old shit to put in shiny new shit

>Jetbrains releases new font
>looks sick
>install it
>mfw code still looks like shit

Windows is so bad, their users are actually upset instead of happy with every new software update. What kind of masochistic shit is this?

How many Gmail accounts have your non-techy relatives created because they keep on forgetting their password and shit? Everytime they have a new Android Phone, they also have a new Gmail. Smh.

Exception MonkeyPoo = new Exception("Oh shit.");
throw MonkeyPoo; //yep, i did.

Having to deal with shit code as a new employee so you don't step on any toes...

Who knew developers had such egos. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why the shit is WebDev getting so complicated? It’s like everyone is just trying to show how smart they are instead of finding the simplest way to solve a problem. Or maybe I’m just too dumb to figure out what all this new shit does.

I'm starting my new job in 10 days, but I don't have the proper internet access to feel really confident about it. My parents want me to move out of the house so they don't have to accommodate for my new job. I'm getting chemo in a few weeks. I'm really sick of fighting shit. Trusting in the plan though.

Finally bought a macbook for my android app development. Paid 1600 EUR for 2015 MID mbpro with 512GB SSD, 16gb ram, 2.5ghz quad core i7 cpu and dedicated gpu. I know I overpaid but I couldnt fkin stand working on windows anymore. I spent one year with fcking windows building android apps. Making apps on windows is fking impossible. And dont even get me started on new crap macbooks starting from 2016 :/

When you've written out a grand and glorious rant or maybe an idea for a new feature, you're about to hit Post, then suddenly you realise - "Nah, that's shit" and close the modal.

just remembered watching a video where a little shit wannabe programmer was interviewed by another shit wannabe it professional "hacker" and the first shit claimed he designed a new language that is better with a compiler 10 times faster and better than gcc when he demonstrated his language it was nothing but a header file with couple of define statements for different C function.
and this dude was in the news and was glorified by people and shit
#justturdworldstuff

I'm glad i left "my" country

Oh, it's finally done and works well!
Oh, let me just optimize that a little... And probably rename this...

5 minutes later:
Shit it does not work now.
10 hours of debugging later:
I'll fix it later

To all new devs:
Commit more regularly

please hire me, you don't expect new emploee know shit ether. at least I'm honest.

Call it mental disorder. Sickness. Masochism or just bein a demented individual...

But I used to work with classic ASP. Yes, my JS ran on servers before it was cool (I am the original tech hipster) and I was writing VBScript with it as well because why the fuck not?

And
I
LIKED IT.

Kinda miss it to be honest. Shit was simple as fuck, the downside of it was the "fuckLibrariesAndDoShitByHand.asp" mentality and consequence of using old tech....but I liked it.

Tutorials for that shit had to teach you damn near everything in one book, not just how to code it, but how to really work with servers on the bare minimum and one would learn sooo much. Now a days most books be like "this is how you do yo auth tokens..because all y'all mofockas should know this shit by now" NO mofocka! Our books was all about "aaaallrighty dipshit, this shit here is auth, and in order to bla bla blah" THOROUGHT AS FUCK B.

So yeah......i had fun, by far not my first choice on new shit, but shit was fun.

Me: *builds new state machine* Ok this makes adding new instance states easier, should also make enemy AI a million times easier!

Me after trying to do enemy AI: FUCKING CUNT! This system is a piece of fucking shit for AI, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, etc

I think this will be harder than expected bois!

*Eye twitches*

!rant

But holy shit Ubisoft are pulling the dead out of the ground and breathing new life into things!

First assassin's Creed origins being a perfect return to form and now FARCRY 5, what is happening with the world??

Added a new feature. Saw no traffic. Removed it thinking no one liked it. Receive a bunch of angry emails.

I forgot to tag shit properly. FML.

!dev but since dev can still give you headaches:

‪Ibuprofen is damn close to magical. I fully understand the chemical mechanism by which it works, and it still don’t make sense how that shit can make you a new person in 45 minutes.‬

I love Flutter. So simple. Such good docs. Not totally shit multiplatform. Flutter is my new favorite framework. Good job Google

When you run the W11 update checker, and it doesn't tell you to buy a new laptop 🤨

Shit, now I need to work out how to stop it updating.

mind you, I always wanted to watch TikTok from my taskbar, win-win right?

Windows decides to finish faulty programs whenever it likes. İt's so annoying, I did just one small mistake in c++. I wrote "new char(length);" instead of "new char[length];" and I have been dealing with this shit for three days. Then I run the program on Linux and boom it failed in the same spot, which I fixed. But in Windows it sometimes runs, sometimes fails or sometimes even fails on unrelated places. Wtf windows? How about security and shit. There was literally a buffer overflow and you still keep running the program. And why GCC didn't even popped a warning. I hate developing c :(

Shit. My ssd died y-day. Got a new one [970evo] today (tx bro!).

Guess who's gonna spend the night recreating the whole env: ui, scripts, triggers, integrations, tunnels, qemu vms, apps, bkup restores,....

Shit

Not exactly new, but just so it does not get forgotten:

FUCK ECLIPSE.

Fuck that stupid piece of shit IDE and everything related to it.

What could be more annoying than signing out of all accounts to add a new one because I've reached the threshold. This logic is shit!

Starting new side projects is like getting myself into deep shit, voluntarily.

New job, first day after roughly 5 months doing absolute shit.

Oh and I got a garden now.

Let’s see...

Fuck this new client.
Can’t go into much detail but if you think you’ve got it bad, think again. This shit show of a client has taken incompetence, micromanagement and chaos to whole new levels.

My college teaches us perl now😑

Being in a college whose curriculum is 10 years old is fucking sick.

I mean really 10 fuckin years old.. Dude this is computer science field, shit changes so fast here, new languages, new standards, new frameworks and these guys don't give shit about that.

Wasting so much of my time attending these shit classes because i have to maintain 75% attendance in every subject or else i wont be allowed to write an exam.

FML

The new regime our PM took on this morning with a newly hired, and still mentally sound dev.

"We will solve bugs for an hour everyday"

FTW

Make sure to keep your clients regular... Cause if they do not have their daily shits, it will migrate to their brain, and a shitty idea will spawn... Avoid having a new shit offspring, keep clients regular...

So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...

Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.

So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...

Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.

Next year I will strive to achieve the best test coverage on all our components and design all our new features using best-practice agile methodology with a realtime user involvement.

Reverend on 7 January: Fuck that, we need to ship this shit to production now.

So back in November I wanted to get a new smartphone, after years and years of middle class stuff I decided "let's get the newest high-end shit out there!" so I bought the Huawei Mate20 pro.

I was SO DAMN HAPPY when it arrived 2 days later. I quickly switched to the new one and SUDDENLY after a few hours it started to get a hint of a green border arou d the display.. and yes it got FUCKING WORSE! Now after a few months it got worse and worse, I talked to my provider and they said I have to call Huawei so I called Huawei and guess what? The want me to send it in, which will take around TWO WEEKS! It's not even my fault and now they want me to have no phone for two damn weeks? Why? This sucks.. and only because I wanted to have a nice new shiny high-end piece of technology 😭

Headhunter: "For this new role you would be the first developer in the company responsible for both the back and frontend, you will also have to test your deliverables, give support to users and report to the..."

*CLICK*

Had to hang up on dat shit 🙉

Wohoo, new signal update :D

Now signal has in my opinion everything you need for a messenger and isn't bloated with useless shit like status, etc.

Ooooh Jeeeeeez
My desktop is so fucking shit, every single weekend there's a new problem. Today I can't boot Linux.

why the fuck do these mother fuckers have to give information to the ones responsible for designing the fucking application on the approval fase so I have to redesign some areas and spend a lot of time doing shit I could do once...
and that's not new information... no... I could handle it... it's fucking things you know since your fucking birth!!! fuck you and your shit talk!!!

The display on my new RPi4 doesn't work properly. Plugged the SD card into a model 3 and everything is fine. RPi4 boots and I can SSH into it but any display I connect it to detects nothing.

Fuckin piece of shit.

While in the banking world, I had a project where I had to automate an import into a shit system called CRAWiz. The data had to come from multiple archaic loan systems with no API and tons of shit data.

After implementing, the shit data came to light. Instead of fixing shit data (and using their loan systems correctly), they decided to go back to digging through physical files and manually importing. They blamed CRAWiz and decided to go with a new system to import their shit data into. I warned them repeatedly that a new system would not fix the shit data but they couldn't accept it. I left at that point. 😂

New wave of startups using blockchain tech in their pitch deck. I wonder how many of them are full of shit and its just a replicated db?

We have started working on a new web based editor software. It already has 132 unit test after 3 months but can‘t do shit. In has no functionality, yet.^^

Email is horrible.

CSS in email is fucked.

People never check their spam filter / who the fuck knows when the spam filter might decide legit shit is spam.

Every other god damn day some new shit comes up.

Today some sort of either antivirus or email filter or spam / malware detecting shit seems to be crawling every fucking link in an email our customer's send to their customer's.

Activating every option such as declining shit or accepting it... well actually ALL THOSE OPTIONS.

End user can't tell of course so I (and others) have to find this out.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

FUCK EVERY PERSON IN THIS SHIT BANK!! FFS THE IDIOTS CREATED A NEW DATABASE USING SQL SERVER 2008! Yes, 2008 and its a new database if it was some type of legacy I could try to understand, but this shit is a completely new database. I have to use sequelize and guess what? It can't paginate results because shit server 2008 does not accept OFFSET FETCH syntax

That big lie we tell others.. "Let me just finish something here..." (4 bugs solved, 10 new ones and 2h later) "shit!!! I'll be right there!!! Let me just...."

Just reading Knuth's The Art of Computer Programming, where he created an own assembly language, so the book doesn't rely on a currently in fashion language... Meanwhile teaching students to code a GUI in java swing, because it was the new shit when the syllabus was created...

Remember that time I did an interview and it went horribly and I wanted to die then got called back and aced that shit? Well I got the job. Pay is bunkers too. Excited to be part of a new very cool project.

Noticed how contrast between the active and inactive arrows in the new chrome update is so low that you can hardly make out if it's clickable or not?

“Your iCloud doesn’t have enough space for backup. Upgrade shit”

— My new phone that doesn’t have a single fucking document on it.

Hello everyone, I've returned and hopefully start ranting again.

I took a long needed break to think about a lot of shit and I'm back with a much healthier mindset and plan for myself.

Aside from the world going to hell what's new?

Holy shit, my first freelance project will be field-tested for the first time tomorrow!

After a few more rounds of fixing bugs, some serious improvements, and some new features additions, I can actually say that I'm proud of the code I've written! It's not perfect, but I definitely like the way it works - AND IT ACTUALLY WORKS!

Knock on wood, hopefully it won't shit the bed tomorrow.

When you start a new project and you think that you will no longer have problems with git.... after one week you see yourself sending classes to your colleagues via mail to push them for you. Shit man

On top of all the shit that's going on right now... This morning my shower head broke of, so now I can/have to hose myself to cleanlines.. Can't wait for corona shit to pass so I can start looking for a new place to live that will hopefully not fall apart.. :/
And then my laptop decided to do a harikiri.. MMD! Fuuuuck oooofffff!!

Started to refactor a class. An hour later -

"hmmm this little bit of code that uses the new refactored class could do with a bit of work". An hour later

"hmmm this little bit of code that uses the new refactored class could do with a bit of work" Eight hours later

"Shit, I've almost rewritten the damn application" !!!

!rant

Well after a few really downer and shitty weeks, I think I just struck gold...

First I had trouble getting a new job but was contacted personally for a full time position as a printer and copier serviceman which entrails me getting my own company car, new phone and maybe new laptop and the same day I got a call about my phone that was getting repaired, I was expecting to pay around $400+ for the repair,. nope, the repairer paid for a new phone and gave me a brand new one back, even got the latest model revision too!

Shit turned around quick for me! :-D

Build a docker image.
Adds config file .
Build cache ignores new contents.
Hours of trying to figure the shit out.
Bash into it.

GOD DAMN DOCKER HAS CACHED THE VERY FIRST VERSION OF THE FILE.

Hours lost with headcaches and thinking about existence. Fck my life.

Forcing the dev to be the only one doing QA should be considered animal cruelty. That's like making the plumber take a shit after every new toilet installation. That was a terrible analogy.

Holy shit, after spending multiple hours installing android tools/sdks/android studio/.., rewriting multiple configs to satisfy new requirements, finding a plugin fork that actually got updated, I finally got my wardriving app to report back SSIDs 😊

Holy shit what a Monday of a Monday! I ain’t trying to stay late I got other shit to do! If new and unusual errors can wait til tomorrow to pop up that’d be greaaaaaaattttt!

Shit. I've fucked up. Will have to rewrite ~20% of the new feature tomorrow :(

I should not have trusted him....

New normal. New app to build.

- Still have to maintain older systems in parallel
- That leaves 1 week for developing the new app
- Slept 2 hours a day, coding coding coding
- Tested the shit out of the app because.. hey, its to help the customers' safety and health... I don't mind staying up late
- Finished the app in 5 days, code is now on prod
- Could barely look myself at the mirror because I look like shit
- Btw the app requires an external device as an input, the existing device works flawlessly based on my testing
- We need more devices
- Clueless manager bought new model instead. He assumed everything is fine, no testing is required
- Tested the app with new device model, doesn't work
- Deadline closing in
- Thanks, there goes my sleep
- THANK YOU

1) keeping my shit together until my 3 month notice period is done.
2) moving cross country.
3) starting a new job with a new tech stack which I'm not as experienced in.

Learning JS in 2018 is like asking programming advice from sales people. What the fuck is going on man? Halfway through trying to convince the company to use all these new shits, I felt stupid as shit.

Holy shit I had no idea we can use content: attr() in pseudo elements in css! It's a whole new world baby!

Started a new job on Monday. STILL DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE FUCKING SERVERS I NEED TO ANYTHING. Holy fucking shit I'm annoyed. Fuck you corporate bullshit. I already feel like quitting.

Goes for a tea break and wanted to rant about something. Opens devrant:
Ranter1 posted a new rant
Ranter2 posted a new rant
...
Ranter5 posted a new rant

"Ooh let's go through these first."
15mins later
"Shit what was it that I wanted to rant about?"
...
...
...
...
Fuuuuuck!!! Nevermind

I just found out that anyone looks like you can open your new iPhone X. That means all my clones can access it. Shit!

Changed home wifi password to "Don't ask me shit"
and my dad asked for the password for his new device
guess how it ended
😂🤣

User: Apps crash, UX is shit, Customisation is shit, services take huge memory, BSOD....

Microsoft: We hear you. Here's some new icons. Next year you'll get rounded corners on windows.

Yaayyyy 😔

Still not sure about this new guy, not trying to be rude but everytime we're talking about code he says shit that makes me wonder how he got hired. (btw he is hanging with the IT department all the time) He's a very nice guy, but talks massive shit when it comes to bugs/new features/etc.

Should I have a look at his pc to see what he's doing when in office or is it none of my business. Help me out here, I'm really curious but don't care if he's a fake at the same time lol.

Ok...... first day in office at a new tech company

since 9am till now 15:42 (CAT) I haven't done anything besides sitting on my computer and googling shit
and everyone at the office is busy with their business and avoiding me

So recently moved to a new place. New roommates. Thought lets initiate a talk. Found out one of em is a web developer.
Me: So, what you working on?
Him: Web technologies
Me: oh great...I worked on ReactJS and AngularJS.
Him: Our company uses AngularJS.
Me: So you work on AngularJS, right?
Him: Oh no I don't work on AngularJS...I am a frontend developer...

(Awkward silence)
(Inner me: No shit. Need to find new place.)

Should I tell him?

Dependencies and backwards compatibility

Can shit just fucking work instead of me having to download old shit that doesnt fucking work on the newest version of the OS that I use because the fucking program can't use new dependencies?

I'm looking at you you fucks that don't want to update to VS 2019 and force me to uninstall it to download VS 2015, its 4 years old for fuck sake!

Freshly failed gloriously my degree in interaction design. Now I stumbled into a new job, doing a fullscale company advertisment campaign on cybersecurity for 6500 employees. Alone. Writing concept, gathering stakeholder, requirements and shit. I'm scared.

Fuck this shit
The company that I work moved to a new office 5 months ago and my laptop never worked in the corporate wifi.. they said that was necessary a full format.
Today they go it, formated 2x still this shit don’t work, my team leader asks every hour hey What’s up? And I just in the sofa playing games on my mobile phone 😅😅😅😅since 9am, now 1pm 😑🔫

happy new year, my ladies and dudes.
let's hope this shit show ends soon.

Holy shit I love the new black theme! 😍

When you wanna learn new languages but you don't know shit even about you current ones 😂

Holy shit! Samsung is literally on fire these days... Firstly, they release the Linux on Dex beta with Ubuntu support and now they announced the new UI for their next phones which is fucking amazing in my opinion.

Today :
There are Apps to,
Drink water
Walk
Learn languages
Learn new things
Entertain
Increase productivity
Kill time
Make new friends
Order and eat food
Shop
Transport
...

God bless us,
There's an app for everything in this world

PS : someone soon is gonna come up with an App that helps you track and take a shit :(

Adrian is expecting new hired programmers to consume their 2+ years shit in a week. wth!

> Ask scrum master question on teams

No response for 45 mins

> Ask colleague on teams

No response for 45 mins

....

Fuck it. Im going to the shitter to take a big fat shit!

*12 shits later*

Come back and see a missed call and 4 new messages from them both

.....

Cant even take a fucking shit properly! Fuck off

I'm relatively new to the whole development and stuff, so I have no idea how usual process goes.

So when my project moved onto closed beta, I thought I could rest a bit.

NOPE.

Apparently half the shit I've done sucks so much and I need to debug the shit out of it.

Bless the testers.

"please like our new post on LinkedIn"

AGH fuck off asking every employee to like your shitty "oh we hired some one new" posts

I don't fucking care that it then seems like an active company. I like shit only if I actually like it... Not some boring ass shit post

Also stop trying to micro manage your employees... Like actually wtf...

We have new AI platforms popping out the internet every seconds. Now the problem is why the heck should I pay $499/month for your shinny new shit!

New job hasn't provided a signable contract :/ well shit...

...
We are using a shitty language and a even more shitty IDE at our company for our software.
I'm quite new to this, so I don't know all sorta stuff.

Was writing an addition to a convertion from an old system to a new one.
Needed to "Map" Strings to IDs, so I used a switch case to determine the needed IDs.

Because that fuckin horseshit has no realtime errors (just at compile time...) I didn't realize that there is no such thing as strings in switch case in this language.
So I wrote this whole fuckin shit and when I compiled I got massive list of errors.

So I had to redo that shit with If, Else If... And that motherfucker just crashed on me...
HOLY SHIT...

Whoa who took a designer dump on the new twitter web UI 😵 this shit is fugly!

Find GF,
Learn new shit,
do useful shit,
Finally play through Minecraft TPPI on my server,

My new laptop is gonna be in the mail sometime this week! IM SO HYPED TO PROGRAM SHIT FROM SOMETHING OTHER THAN A DESKTOP!! For those who are wondering it's the HP Omen (I actually really love HP)

*opens up any form of internet page*

Oh look... Another group of people using memojis as their profile picture complaining about slacks new logo and touting their own design...

*Opens up another page*

Oh look same fucking thing

*Closes browser and opens letter to reveal random slack logo*

Can everyone just shit the fuck up about the new logo... Please...

Had a nightmare that scared the LIVING SHIT out of me for some reason where a DoorDash delivery guy was using a new DoorDash feature where drivers rate customers and are allowed to attack their homes. He gave me a shit review for ordering Taco Bell and started throwing mexican food at my window and holy shit I woke up TERRIFIED. It took me a long ass time to recover from the shakes. I have no idea why it scared me this damn bad, it’s not like I was chased by a zombie with a rocket launcher 😂😂

Some common themes I have observed:
1. Why is this API using XML? It should be JSON.
2. Why are they using old shit? It should be new shit.
3. Why are they mixing new shit with old shit?
4. Why is the technology being used not fitting my sense of perfection and order?

What happens when JSON is the old shit? What happens when a new format is adopted that solves some corner case issues with JSON? What if those corner cases were solved by using XML, or a mix of XML and JSON? What happens when all the new shit is the old shit?

We will still be using the new old shit and listening to fucking noobs complain about mixing, matching, and abusing everything ever written. Oh JSON, how quaint and limited. Why did anyone ever use that? Fucking senior devs...

At my new internship I am have to work in Magento. I come to FUCKING hate it.

From the phtml files, the choice between caching or having to wait 20 fucking seconds for a page reload to the huge file structure and the "documentation".

The whole fucking thing is a mess with a shit load of bugs and confusing git tickets that never seem to be added as updates!!!

Fucking hate this shit

It’s so crazy to me how my bosses sometimes wake up and it’s like they get in a groupthink that we are stuck on technology from five years ago. The company has grown our paths have simplified, our tools have gotten more powerful.

Everybody forgets that a new feature has come out occasionally, but sometimes for weeks at a time they will go about explaining things the old way, or saying it can’t be done. Then they’ll come back around. This has been on and off for all of this year basically.

first on call shift, have no fucking clue what im doing, have no fucking clue what belongs to what team, and why the fuck i as a member of NONE of these teams have to sort this shit out

then proceed to get interrupted by new pages as im trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with previous ones

the silver lining is its all low prio shit at least

Day #1: You start working on something new, you feel stupid because you don't know anything.
Day #2: You learned the basic concepts. Start feeling so well.
Day #3-9...: Start feeling like you know everything.
Day #?: You start something new, you feel like the last piece of shit un the world.
Repeat

Am I the only one who feels useless and like a piece of shit when not doing something? I started a new project after over a week of doing absolutely nothing and now I feel happier than while I was being an organic paperweight.

someone on discord asked me "why do you code for such shit computers? they can't even play games and you can only do one thing at a time, just program for new computers"

because if i'm gonna suffer in the name of curiosity i'm gonna make shit for other people to look at thx

back to suffering from a 1KB RAM limit

my laptop sucks but i cant afford a new one :( shit

It's not a new year unless you spend your first day back firefighting shit that broke over the holidays 🙃

I need a compelling case for why we should not support IE11. Apparently 10% of our user base uses it and "it fucking sucks and breaks all the new shit you want me to do" is not an answer. And a possible HR violation.

I am fucking dumb, why I've created an empty project to implement the new feature instead of making a fucking local branch. Now I need to merge this shit manually. fuck fuck fuck

Fucking EA Games and their fucking shit mailing system!!
All the sudden they start spamming me emails about their shit games nobody fucking cares about. I proceed to inspect the footer to find an 'unsubscribe' link and there was none, just a 'manage my preferences' link.
So I went there. After waiting a whole minute for a simple page to load (wtf) there is a checkbox saying 'yes please spam my inbox with EA's latest news about their shit games nobody cares about' and it was UNCHECKED.
So I leave it unchecked and click update (thinking it might actually unsubscribe me from this crap) BUT NO! I receive another email saying 'thank you, you stupid moron you just subscribed to our shit and will now receive even more of our useless email about how different the new NFS is and how rubbish the new Star wars game is...
FUCK

Make the ubuntu upgrade to 18.04 and it takes forever to finish
It also updates new version of i3, I hereby gets this shit 🤦🏻‍♂️

I don't understand why people are so preoccupied with new languages and scared to try them out. At least half of the language features are a rehash of the same ideas and the other half are 2-3 ideas. Seriously. I find it distasteful that people in my co are so scared of learning new shit. NEED To GTFO.

wow, the new devrant just scared the shit out of me for a second.(Web version).
anyways its nice to see devrant like this :)

Due to non work related shit I'm struggling to focus, I can still wrap my head around programming (even if with significant struggle) but I cannot keep up with cloud/containers/microservices/cool new tech of the day

Im on it, all my rants refere to it:
780 columns table, pushing unfinished changes to master and recently the new hire pushed a 700mb database bkp to production... I had to learn how to clean that shit on git and rebuild the repository...

How can someone not realize they are pushing 700mb to gitlab?
That shit must have taken ages... I realized because git pull was taking too long...

FUCK ASUS FUCK service centers

Fuck Asus. My laptop charger was not working and I called them. These fucking people asked me to get my warranty approved because according to thier database they only have manufacturing date. So they said send us the invoice and we will update it So they wanted me to wait 5 days to get an entry updated in their database. 😑😑 After this shit. I have to wait 7 days for a new charger. These people and Thier service it's shit shit shit

Being used to write curly braces on the same line but having to write em on a new line for a college lector.

*I can't read that shit*

The moment when you short circuit a new 1TB disk because the the external disk case has on one side conductive bumpers (I think for ESD purpose) ... Who designs this shit? D:

Ordered to implement Old functionality in New system, not allowed to fix it, refactor or change the underlaying mess.
Wrap old system in a wcf, hardcoded some values, done.
3 weeks estimated so I feel ahead and got more time to look for a New job.

Ever work for a really big company and at the end of the year read the statement on how much profit they made?

Looking back at last years, while looking at the new codebase i'm working on and asking

"How does this shit, equal that much money"

Oh shit... My XPS 13 seems to slowly approach it's EOL :(

It has lost power 3 times already since yesterday. The last time it shut down while I was browsing BIOS (UEFI) settings, on a charger...

shit :(

Yes, I am drooling at the new XPS 7390 with advertised battery lifetime of 21 hour. But I'm so used to my lappy.

Shit :(

New gmail is shit, better make a gcloud app for linux instead of redesigning that shit billion times, you fucks