Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

"We are looking for a GDPR expert to be hired in our company"

"I am an experienced data protection manager"

"Oh, fine! May you give us your phone number?"

"No"

"Your email address?"

"No"

"You're hired"

No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING FUCKING SQL QUERIES AND CALLING IT AI!

No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING SIMPLE DATA ANALYSIS MACROS AND FUNCTIONS IN EXCEL!

Stop labelling everything as AI, you attention and investment seeking morons! @&£$¢×xo##!

Bought a Logitech G13 a few years ago knowing that the Linux support isn't good. Thought fuck it, I'll develop something for it.

That didn't go as planned. Tried numerous times to write something but the fucker is proprietary and I couldn't figure out how to get data from it.

Decided to try it again tonight with a "You're not winning this time, motherfucker!" mindset.

Figured out how to read data from it, looked long enough at the data coming in to discover patterns and started programming while testing my ass off.

Two hours later I have "mapped" all specific data points that the device sends to the hardware keys and now, whenever I have the device connected and run the program (node, no kidding), it displays which key I'm pressing when I press a key!

I finally fucking won.

I had just started my new job and deleted 3 years of data that the client had spent over £450,000 collecting 😱

another developer used my PC to quickly access the clients database while I was out the room as I had sql management studio open. I went back to my PC thinking I was connected to my local database, did a few truncate tables to test my software and :0 minutes later I get a call asking why there was no data on the server!

Thank god for backups 😓

NO IOS, I DONT WANT TO SETUP A FUCKING TOUCH ID. I DONT FUCKING TRUST YOU WITH MY FUCKING BIOMETRIC DATA AND I DONT WANT TO GET A NOTIFICATION ABOUT SETTING IT UP EVERY FUCKING HOUR.

no backups we lose data like real men

Self hosted Gitlab server :-)

USER: I can't see any data in the page...!
ME: ok, I'll do a check
ME: API calls get no data back. Boss, did you change anything and put it in production?
BOSS: Absolutely not, I just modified the name of what was the "Family" parameter in "Type".
ME: Seems legit. Totally agree. I'm going to lunch. Can you check in the meanwhile why calling the API with "Family" does return nothing? Thanks.

Biggest scaling challenge?
The imaginary scaling issues from clients.

Client : How do you cope with data that's a billion times bigger than our current data set? Can you handle that? How much longer will it take to access some data then?

I could then give a speech about optimizing internal data structures and access algorithms that work with O(log n) complexity, but that wouldn't help, non-tech people will not understand that.
And telling someone, the system will be outdated and hopefully been replaced when that amount of data is reached, would be misinterpreted as "Our system can not handle it".

So the usual answer is: "No problem, our algorithms are optimized so they can handle any amount of data"

Object oriented thinking.

A boy tries to look at girl in a class.

Girl : It's bad manners.
Boy : No it's not. "MEMBERS OF THE SAME CLASS CAN ACCESS PRIVATE DATA".

All data collection things should take an example of Debian:

Setting the (anonymous) data collection consent to 'no' by fucking default.

Why would a keyboard store 155 MB data?
Oh wait! It's Google's keyboard

Why do people (Some devs too...) bloody hell think that devs have Hard time fixing the Semi Colon issue, we have a lot of other issues to figure out, like the Structure of Data, Code Fragmentation, API Creation, Invalid Data Handling, Injection Prevention. But no, since we are developers, we are having sleepless nights because of one fucking semicolon? FUCKING NO, it hardly takes 30 seconds to figure out that there is a missing semi-colon. Really People, stop the ; thing!

> be me
> install linux on encrypted drive
> takes 8 hours to fill the drive with fake data so theres no chance of data leakage
> save encryption password to phone
> phone doesnt actually save password
> realize you dont have access to pc anymore
> cry
> reinstall linux

*looks at data in database*

This float column seems wierd. The fractional parts are never above .59

*reality sets in*

Wtf the previous devs encoded whole minutes as hundredths. 1.25 = 1h 25 minutes.

Fuck me...no wonder the numbers weren't adding up correctly.

Manual Data Entry: Most boring job
This reminds me of one conversation with one of my faculty..
Faculty: Why not try some Machine Learning Project?
Me: Cool. Any ideas you have already thought
Faculty: Comes up with a really noble idea
Me: Awesome idea. But we need data
Faculty: Don't worry. I will get it. Just help me setup Hadoop (see the irony.. no data yet, and he wants big data setup)
Me: But we don't have data. Let's focus of data collection, Sir
Faculty: I will get it. Don't worry. Trust me.
( I did setup for him twice coz he formatted the system on which I did the setup first time)
After 6 months,
Me: (same question) Sir, Data??
Faculty: I got it.
Me: Great. Give me, I can start looking into it from today.
Faculty: Actually, it's in a register written manually in a different language (which even I can't understand) I will hire data entry guys to convert it into English digital contents.
Me: *facepalm*
Road to Manual data entry to Big Data
Dedicating this pencil to the individuals keeping the register up to date and Sir in hopes of converting it into big data..
Long way to go..

Colegue could not find data when running a very important report.
I did some research and found out that there was no data for for the month they searched . They ensured my boss that they did upload the data and that the program just does not work.
I spent two days of work trying to find out what the problem could be, under boss's pressure.
Still there was no data in the database or a record that there was ever any for that month.
The deadline passed. We got fined and only after that the colegue reilised that she had never generated the data, so there was not even data to upload.
Now it is my fault cause I never told her that she needed to do that.
I am the new guy and she has been working the same job for 7 years now. Like WTF

No. No. Don't block DuckDuckGo.
I can't access it on mobile data anymore !

A new urgent request today…

“ITS URGENT WE NEED THIS CODE IN IMMEDIATELY I DONT CARE IF ITS FRIDAY WE NEED IT THERE BY ONE HOUR”

“What is happening?”

“ADD THIS CODE TO OUR CODE”

(A snippet to track marketing conversions from fb)

“Uhhh it’s Friday and our product won’t release to the public for 2 months anyway?”

“YOU DONT GET HOW URGENT IT IS, MUST BE THERE IN AN HOUR OR WE’LL LOSE DATA”

“O….k”

Spoiler: data said that today we had no customers on an unreleased project. Go figure!

Dear backend dev:
No data is not an error for fuck sake. Don't want 404, or messages if the search criteria filters out all values. Give me a empty array.
Is this hard to understand that we need a team meeting to discuss?
Godamit

Dev: We need a better name than “Data” for this class. It’s used for displaying a set of tiles with certain coordinates so maybe TileMap would be a bit more declarative?

Manager: No I don’t like that. Data is perfectly fine, this class is for managing data so it’s perfectly declarative you just need to get better at reading code. If you have to change it then DataObject or DataObjectClass might be a bit more specific.

Dev: …

Had a discussion with a developer about security. His software transfers all user data (password and files) unencrypted, so anyone can grab them with wireshark. I told him that this is a severe issue. He said no its no problem because if you get hacked its your own fault, because you probably used an insecure network. NO ! YOU FUCKING MALADJUSTED SHEEP-MOLESTING OBJECT OF EXECRATION, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ENCRYPT SENSITIVE USERDATA NO MATTER WHAT NETWORK YOU USE. FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY.
Not implementing encryption is one thing but then acting like its no problem is a fucking nother one. Why do people not understand that security of userdata is important???

Him: Relation databases are stupid; SQL injections, complex relationships, redundant syntax and so much more!

Me: so what should we use instead? Mongo, redis, some other fancy new db?

Him: no, I have this class in Java, it loads all the data into memory and handles transfers with http.

Me: ...... Bye!

Lost two machines with 10years+ of my work and files to the police after a raid some years ago...

They were used in a "crime" cuz I was chatting with my hemp supplier on one of the machines...no chance to get them back...

Oh man, I miss my data...

Me: Are you writing data to the disk?
Them: No
Me: Are you sure?
Them: Maybe a little
Me: The disk on that machine is full
Them: Actually I'm writing gigabytes of duplicated data to a random location, use some of it and delete none of it
Me:
Them:

Makes you wanna punch a dev.

So today I made a mock exam of data science.

Moved into my a new house. No internet yet, and my mobile data barely connects. Real life horror story.

14 hours in. With no end in sight. Who the fuck does circuit upgrades in a damn data center without ensuring there was a functional redundant powder supply?! I want to slap all these fuckers.

That moment you realise why you enjoy the dev life again.

It's been a long time since I've had a solid day of coding, just coding..., no meetings, no wild requests, no crazy issues, no data fixing because someone can't type a number correctly, just me, myself and that keyboard going on a field trip of quality coding time again.

Ah, it's a good day to end the week on!

$50,000+ Computer Science fucking diploma, yet here I am on a Sunday evening doing data entry coz there is no one else to do it!

Boss: We need health data for this iOS app.

Me: Cool, so we'll use apples HealthKit.

Boss: No that requires the user agrees to it.

Me: ... well yeah ... its private data.

Boss: No we need it to work regardless. If the user says no to HealthKit, just give them textfields for all the metrics HealthKit has and they can enter manually.

Me: .... but ... eh ....

Boss: and we'll partner with some companies and support their devices.

Me: ... see, the thing is ...

Boss: We also need to store it locally and then sync it to the cloud app. What do you think?

Me: ... ... ... no

When there are no widely approved Swedish translations of big data terminology, such as "big data" itself. When discussing this kind of terms you have to resort to using the English words for them, which results in a horrible language mix, Swenglish.

"No problem mate, we can collect your data from a bazillion other places anyway"

When scrolling through free Udemy courses for fun, my gf says:
"Whaaaat? Data analysis with Panda and Python? Isn't that shit dangerous? Like they go in the jungle and stuff?"
Me:"oh..."

(Disclaimer: She has no background in CS)

!rant

notepad++
no version control
90% of changes done directly in production
no standardization for incoming data

... but I still love my job. 💕

Sales: We NEED to view the minutely data but showing 10 years of data at a time
Me: you do realise that would be like 2 days of data per pixel even on one of largest monitor resolutions
Sales: your a clever guy I'm sure you can work something out
Me: well I can consolidate the data so you ...
Sales: No we need to see the temperature for every minute

So after fucking around with trying to setup pi-hole to block avatars in devrant, so I could just use it instead of a no-root firewall and accidentally deleting the devrant app data, I discovered this little option, let's pretend it was never there 🙄

Getting ready for GDPR at work. I had to explain to my bosses what it meant, especially regarding one of our project where we store a lot of user data. Then I heard it: "this crap doesn't regard us. we have no sensitive data. we only save out users' name and generalities.". I have no words.

Hope there is no Data Scientist here...

It pisses me off that germany has no proper mobile reception fucking anywhere near rural areas.
And don't get me started on railway lines.

Also Telekom is just garbage.
We pay full price and get less than half of the data we're paying for.

Fucking hell rant over.

My preciousssss!!

Fucking assholes! Just spent 3h debugging for bugs that weren't there.. Our client insisted we must rollback the whole update, because gui was broken.. after analysing data & testing I figure out that there must be something 'wrong' as there was no data to copy from in the first place...so there should be no bug..
Aaand here goes the best part: they didn't want to point out missing data bug, they just wanted one restriction to be removed, because it 'broke GUI', to allow for empty value on save... WTF?! How can you insist that gui is buggy & that you don't want an update, if you just want something to be optional?! Which was done immediately, one change in one js file?! Dafaaaaaq?!

Kids, English is important!! Otherwise you end up debugging ghosts for 3+ hours withou a cigarette...and waking up a coworker with bad news of rollback at half to midnight... Aaaaaaaargh!!!
сука блять 

Let me repeat this out and loud so that we are clear before another idiot starts pitching to me on building their "world class machine learning algorithm":
NO DATA, NO MACHINE LEARNING!

My Data Structures and Algorithms sample midterm exam's instructions mentions "No Morse Code allowed"

manager: we had great feedback last week, real users were testing our app! However, we have noticed a lot of issues regards database performance and data replication...

me: oh, that's great news!! How many users? Like hundreds?

manager: no, 6 users so far

So... GDPR.
And the deadline.
And I have no idea what to do.

What does it mean for one-man indie projects? Data protection officers? Companies? Controllers? Processors? EU employees? Argh.

Look, please, EU. Not everyone can afford to hire an entire team for this, when their current team is literally one person.

Yes, the GDPR is probably a step in the right direction, but I think I'll just stop collecting the data altogether.

(All data I collect is just user settings stored in a database, nothing more.)

Can someone point me in the right direction?

Spent multiple weeks preparing data for rendering. Part of this process is reprojecting coordinates of huge ass GeoJSON files (some files are 100gb+).

Compared one normal and one reprojected file with the head command and noticed no difference, then found out that this data already comes in the right projection....

Full-speed extraction it is!

TMobile: You have exceeded your 4GB data capacity for this month, you will now get unlimited data at dial-up speeds.

I just moved into my apartment but there no internet for my PC... 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

💡USB cable + phone = unlimited, unstable dialup!!

Hm...

Can't upload picture... Also Google wouldn't load on my PC...

So the amount of data we use these days is actually insane...

Coworker: so once the algorithm is done I will append new columns in the sql database and insert the output there

Me: I don't like that, can we put the output in a separate table and link it using a foreign key. Just to avoid touching the original data, you know, to avoid potential corruption.

C: Yes sure.

< Two days later - over text >

C: I finished the algo, i decided to append it to the original data in order to avoid redundancy and save on space. I think this makes more sense.

Me: ahdhxjdjsisudhdhdbdbkekdh

No. Learn this principal:
" The original data generated by the client, should be treated like the god damn Bible! DO NOT EVER CHANGE ITS SCHEMA FOR A 3RD PARTY CALCULATION! "

Put simply: D.F.T.T.O
Don't. Fucking. Touch. The. Origin!

"We use WSDL and SOAP to provide data APIs"
- Old-fashioned but ok, gimme the service def file
(The WSDL services definition file describes like 20 services)
- Cool, I see several services. In need those X data entities.
"Those will all be available through the Data service endpoint"
- What you mean "all entities in the same endpoint"? It is a WSDL, the whole point is having self-documented APIs for each entity format!
"No, you have a parameter to set the name of the data entity you want, and each entity will have its own format when the service return it"
- WTF you need the WSDL for if you will have a single service for everything?!?
"It is the way we have always done things"

Certain companies are some outdated-ass backwater tech wannabees.
Usually those that have dominated the market of an entire country since the fucking Perestroika.

The moment I turn on the data pipeline, those fuckers are gonna be overloaded into oblivion. I brought popcorn.

At work:

Why is there no refresh when we submit data into the tables?

Me: there is, but there is no page refresh, as it should be.

Them: but how do we know if the data is being added?

Me: well you can see it in the table right? Look there is even a small message over here **points at message** that indicates the entry code and position.

Them: yeah but how can we tell? Can you make it to where there is a page refresh?

Me:

Debian 9.3's gpg issue is driving me crazy! I can't install anything outside of the default apt repos no matter what I try.

No matter what, apt always does the exact same thing. It adds the repo; then finds, imports, and processes the key; and finally fails with "gpg: no valid OpenPGP data found."

I've spent hours looking this up and trying to fix it.

Just. ARGH!
☹

DELETE FROM Invoices;

I am on test, right? OH SH!T

had a recent backup tho and no data were lost.

Happened once and never again. I was still pretty much junior in a senior position to be fair 😅

Real story, I'm not kidding you.
But I wouldn't believe it, if it hadn't happened right now.

Customer calls, one device gets no mobile data connection.
I checked everything ... no errors to be found. Just no connection.

After half an hour we found the reason: Someone inserted the SIM the wrong way.

*facepalm*

How the hell can someone put in a SIM the wrong way? There is only one way it'll fit in.
I don't get it.

Win 10 is the best, I love how it just restarts without asking, no more hassle of me having to confirm anything, or save data first. finally an OS that has the confidence to just do whatever the fuck it wants, so awesome!

[Begin Rant] When you show your senior manager your REST Web Service and he says "Oh no nooo... I don't wanna see no code"... Me: Code?? That ain't code you fat silly fucker it's the command line output data which I spent a week parsing, batch processing, and storing into the database! [End Rant] :[

Oh boy. Gotta love having a team member (For a School project) be in charge of the Database functionality/design, who has almost no communication skills and basically no clue about how to store data in a data base.
Im talking dates stored as varchar(5), column sizes being way way to small, overall table design being rather terrible, no primary/foreign keys, pretty much... Actually no, everything was being stored as a varchar.
Not only that, but there was a hell lot of data that needed to be stored that wasn't even accounted for in the DB design. He made some code that could be used by our team members for queries, creating tables, inserting data (etc), almost 2,000 lines of it.... And basically nothing was fucking documented at all. I'm talking comments like "Insert data into cities table" and nothing else. More complicated functions had as much, or less documentation. Complete mess.

Found that out that one of our company's internal API (I hope it's only internal) is exposing some personal data. After finally getting the right people involved they said they'd fix it 'immediately'.

5 days later I check and now there is more personal data exposed...which includes personal security questions and the hashed answers to said questions.

And of course they are using a secure hashing mechanism...right? Wrong. md5, no salt

Sigh...

NO! I WILL NOT USE FACEBOOK, THEY SELL MY DATA!

...but i will continue using all 316 preinstalled Google apps on my phone, Instagram, Snapchat and other apps that keep my data safe... safelly stored somewhere, without my knowledge...

Dev: I think I just deleted data I shouldn't have. Can you do a rollback?
Me: No, I'm a DBA, I don't touch data. Did you commit?
Dev: Yes, I committed.
Me: Your data is gone.
Dev: But don't you guys do backups?
Me: We backup the Prod servers. We only back up Dev on request. Did you request a backup in Dev?
Dev: No.
Me: ...
Dev: The Testers are going to be pissed.

I fucking swear the servers in the data center know when the fuck I'm going on vacation.

YOU CHOOSE TO DIE NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?

It's okay. It is no longer a critical box, but gah dammit.

Why do people jump from c to python quickly. And all are about machine learning. Free days back my cousin asked me for books to learn python.
Trust me you have to learn c before python. People struggle going from python to c. But no ml, scripting,

And most importantly software engineering wtf?
Software engineering is how to run projects and it is compulsory to learn python and no mention of got it any other vcs, wtf?

What the hell is that type of college. Trust me I am no way saying python is weak, but for learning purpose the depth of language and concepts like pass by reference, memory leaks, pointers.

And learning algorithms, data structures, is more important than machine learning, trust me if you cannot model the data, get proper training data, testing data then you will get screewed up outputs. And then again every one who hype these kinds of stuff also think that ml with 100% accuracy is greater than 90% and overfit the data, test the model on training data. And mostly the will learn in college will be by hearting few formulas, that's it.

Learn a language (concepts in language) like then you will most languages are easy.

Cool cs programmer are born today😖

I once found a MongoDB cluster open to the internet with no authentication with nearly a terabyte of data that backed a CRM service whose customers included Microsoft and Adobe to name a few.

I learned that there is no undo button in sql after wiping clean 1074 rows of data... #fmdl actually just #fm

Got so many. (remember where I am from? 😁) Gonna share my favorite first.

X : I want a web app that my staffs can use and update data from different branches.

Me : Ok I can development such project.

X : But I want them it offline so they can use the app even with slow internet or no internet.

Me : 💀

// The data are shared across the branches BTW.

Forgot to secure my mongo db instance, found half the data gone, and a new db holding me at ransom , learn_how_to_recover_your_data , good thing offline backups are a thing.

Recovered in no time, never will I ever repeat this mistake

My apprentice is driving me nuts with his failed attempts on gold-plating.
The task "Get the data and export it to a file" becomes ""After many attempts to get the data via a different query than we worked out together I now finally got it and it makes sense if it was displayed but only one set of data at a time and it should also be selected what data should be exported and I have no idea how to do that so Cero, can you help me?".
Dang it dude, just show me for once that you can do 1 clearly decribed task, where you have many examples to work with, and NOT try to add any extras!

I am now working on how to tell him this in a nicer way...

Storm: No internet for you!
Me: *switches to 4G cellular data which seems to be mostly unaffected* Take that weather!
Storm: *all hell breaks loose outside*
Me: mkay... Going to bed anyway...

PM is such a fucking cunt
telling me that my data structures describing the layout of binary data would be confusing for devs, and that we shall introduce

typedef fuckingRetardedObfuscatingName uint8_t;

in our code. everyone is fine with the concepts i provide to describe this binary data, not only at our company but also in other software i've worked on and common standards i've worked with, we work like that and every fucking idiot knows what a uin8_t is.

you fucking braindead imbecile have no fucking idea how we work and you don't care, you don't even try to understand what we are doing.
god i hope you die being hit by a fucking bus or something

git push origin stupid-long-feature-name
git pull origin develop
*Checks through all changes. No major conflicts. Accepts changes.*
npm test
*4 failing tests, none of them in pieces that I touched for my feature.*
*That's funny. QA was loaded from the develop branch, and everything works.*
*Actual data has dates from today. Expected data has dates from a week ago.*
*examines tests*
Why are all these expected dates hard-coded‽

tl;dr The external development team committed 4 tests that would only ever pass on the day they were written.

Ok, a few days ago I recommended contabo.com as a good and cheap VPS, because our company uses it and it is blazingly fast. BUT! I am definitely NOT doing this!

"False or fraudulent orders are commonplace on the Internet. We have to take measures to prevent such false or fraudulent orders. Our system has identified your order as a possible false order. We must now prove your order as a valid order, otherwise we cannot provide you with the services you bought. We need your help with this. Please send us a copy of your passport or national identity card or something similar which corresponds to the data you have provided to us. Alternatively, you can send us your telephone or electricity bill if it contains your address. The address must match the address you provided on our homepage. It is sufficient if you simply take a photo of the document. The only purpose of this is to prove your order as authentic. This is why it does not matter which of the mentioned documents you send us and it does not matter if you make a scan or take a photo. A scammer could not provide any of these documents, this means one document is already enough to prove that your order is authentic and valid."

Building a wheel is great.
Building a steering wheel is also great
Building a brakes pedal is amazing.

Making them work asynchronously - not that good of an idea is it...

Who the fuck thought separating data stream (copying bytes) from stream control (when does the stream start/end) is a good idea...?

- open a connection
- send data to the stream
- send() returns
- close the connection

Apparently, the send() does not copy the data and returns. Instead, it enqueues the data copying task end returns. When does the actual copying start? IDK. When does it end? IDK. Can I close the conn? NO!

This thing is UNUSABLE. And I'd riddle it with reflection-based workarounds if it weren't for the static methods.

Fuck!

The security on my school computers is a joke.
The standard student accounts have no user rights, but the "guest" account has admin rights???
The teachers private data is not secured, it's just hidden from explorer, so if you manually type in the folder location into the explorer bar, you can access the teacher's data. Not to mention everything is running on Windows 7 machines from 10 years ago.

Really now?
AWS, #1 cloud provider with their #1 cloud database DynamoDB, all shiny, highly dynamic NoSQL, your data schema could change any second...

then DynamoDB errors out when one of your values is an empty string? {"foo":""} is impossible to store?

Like nobody ever saw or used empty strings a a value or what? There are tons of upvotes to fix this.

I just have to imagine the Product owner standing there: "No,no,no. They are just using it wrong if their data has empty strings as value. Won't fix!"

Got a job as a database manager, they wanted me to update their sql server and some of their .net apps. Turns out their sql server had no databases and all their data was stored in an ms access 2003 applications that was using windows for workgroups security!!! It also had no interface, hundreds of tables and queries and there were multiple access db it was connected to. To make things worse the person who built all this stuff used acronyms for everything he did, table names, variables, queries and even bloody window folders!!! It was hard as hell to figure out what anything ment. Oh and the .net apps were asp sites that heavily used dll for storing his code and no one knows where the original source code for them are. Did I also mention there were no comments for any of the code, no database dictionary, no notes or anything.

So apparently I'll be rebuilding everything from scratch and transferring over the data to sql server. AND NO MORE F**KING ACRONYMS!!!!!!!

Client, who have no idea about tech. wants our cloud based centralized and universal platform that I developed to be hosted on his own server, for sake of his data privacy. He thinks we will sell his data to his competitor

Imagine

websites didn't use unnecessary cookies,
JavaScript was only used when needed,
no trackers, no ads, no telemetry, no user
data saved when it doesn't benefit the user.

*Wakes up in cold sweat*

So RelianceJio is offering LTE at rates as low as $1 for 1GB data. And totally free calls on its internal network. No roaming too. Promo offer including everything free for 3 months.

And me. I own a 3G device. 🤕🤒

Manager gave me a project he wanted to be done fast. Spoke with the guy who wanted the feature asap . After 4 days of hard work and testing sent a email to the guy who wanted the feature asap, requesting access to ftp where to periodically upload the output data. Day 3 still no answer.

God I fucking hate WordPress

Today I found out a single WooCommerce site is using 20% of database CPU (for comparison, 50 other sites use only 10% between them). Upon investigation it turns out that WooCommerce loads every single product in order to do the taxonomy count. Because the data is stored as PHP-serialised values in post meta, there's no way to do a decent "SELECT count() ... GROUP BY ...". And that code came straight from the WordPress devs, no more and no less...

Had my algorithms and data structures lab this week... 6pm-9pm

No one sat next to me or talked to me... probably cause I’m the only girl in the class :/

😂😂😂

OBJECT ORIENTED THINKING

A boy tires to look at girl in a class.

GIRL: It is bad manners
BOY: No it's not
GIRL: Why?
BOY: "Members of the same class can access private data"...

Old but Interesting

Waiting for an email from a job j applied for as a SQL manager, they have no IT and they want me to rework their data model for the year. Did I mention I'm incredibly underqualifyed.

A bug which takes 6 days to be found/fixed. Screw you financial data. 👹

🏀on the good side: whole class was de-constructed and re-factored + no other bugs were found! 😀🔥

I dont know what to feel anymore.

Got hired directly without an interview into 'Data-analytics' department in fortune 500 company. This is my first job. Got hired because this company want start a website that cost millions.

Even though I am junior, I can see that this company has no idea about software development at all. No git server, no code review, no quality assurance and no proper workflow. No senior developer to guide us (junior dev) too.

There is one 'senior' consultant that work on automation project here but he just focus on his work and don't help us directly too.

The contract is about 1 year. Still got 11 months to go :/

made a Facebook app once that allowed users to submit their stories for a competition to win a tablet. The HTML form had no limit on length but ORM defaulted to 1000 characters in database, imagine the sourprise when we exported the data for the client at the end...

So legitimately accidentally started building a compiler... Don't ask how because I don't know...

(No it's not a 'true' compiler that will create executables, it just a compiler to make some data easier for my runtime to read it)

The worst was an open source project I tried to look at.

It was written in Turbo Pascal.

I am not sure, never really got so far, but it looked like it was one single class with hundreds of methods and hundreds of instance fields for data.

Almost no data objects, if it needed for example 4 sets of 6 variables it had 24 instance fields and in some instances 4 different sets of methods for accessing said variables.

Around there I stopped looking ;)

Boss"So, we need to get some data about the users using the APIs from this list of sites."
Me"Alright, sounds feasible enough"

Navigating to first site.

M"Hold on, where's the API?"
B"What do you mean? You're looking at it."
M"This is a website with a search bar, not an API"
B"Same thing. Get to scrapping that data."
M"I-It's written in a JS framework to be reactive in a half-assed way."
B"We need that data"
M"The data is not even consistent!"
B"That's why we need to join it with all these different sources."

The API was a lie. None of the sites had anything remotely similar to an API.

Having to use bloody selenium with chrome driver to scrap all the information because of course, it has to be done programatically every week from now on.

I just hope no captcha of any kind is installed before I finish this project.

- "We are Vreo, the company who has just invented the next generation of advertising in video games."
- Oh, cool let's read more.
- "We are using blockchains to store data."
- Holy fck why, no, don't.

So I am helping coworker with debugging a weather forecast feature on a digital display solution we sell to hundreds of companies.

He says he just doesn't know why but the forecast data isn't correct.

I open up file where forecast data is stored and the data hasn't been updated in 6 months.

Thats when he realizes no one has paid the forecast service provider in 6 months...

And this guy is supposed to be senior to me?

No matter how logically clean and simple your SQL code is, test your data....TEST YOUR DATA.

Corporation.
Meeting with middle level managers.
Me - data scientist, saying data science stuff, like what accuracy we have and what problems with performance we managed to solved.
Manager 1: Ok, but is this scrum?
Manager 2: No they're using kanban.
Manager 3: That's no good. We should be using DevOps, can we make it DevOps?

So yea, another great meeting I guess..

Hello No!!!

Thats good enough to know that personal data is collected.

Pffff...... Wanna make an app tomorrow...
Got no clue what to make....

Maybe something with big AI learning data machine. Yeah I think that hits all the right buzzwords :P

Any ideas you're willing to share?

Arguing with a co worker.... he is writing a serial data plotter, and wants me to send the data as text. I’m like ugh no I’m not wasting bandwidth for text data, you are getting it as binary, as my embedded system has a lot of other stuff todo than send debug info, so the quicker I get the data to you the better... plus his program is running on a pc there is no issue regarding resources handling binary data.

He tells me I’m am wrong, and is trying to defend his stance, then all the electrical engineers and other software engineers all stand up and said why in the hell would it be faster to send text than binary? He has no response.

So today I opened one Android app to check smog levels in my area and this happened (NaN %). Someone who made this app smokSmog probably didn't find out that NaN can happen. I am really interested if it is because sensor has no data or is it a problem inside the app

> be me
> i'm a junior dev
> i use C# at work
> frontend guy left
> now i use C# and Angular
> boss hired a data analyst
> data analyst created R script for his work
> implement this script to our services
> script doesn't work
> i have no idea of R
> i need to fix it
> pleashelp.png

Some of these things are not like the others. One of these people is a tv scientist not an actual data engineer or data scientist, while another is an activist and while is extremely respected, has no room in a data+ai talk -.-

My first task in my current company, a few years ago.

I had to add features to a 10 year old microcontroller-based device written in C.

There was a struct named "global", which held hundreds of other structs that held variables or even more structs.
If one would have printed the structure of this mess it would haven needed several pages.

This "global"-struct was used in every single sourcefile to store and pass data around. Obviously there was no documentation and often useless comments.

Additionally there were a few protocol stacks involved, mainly similar, only differing in one or two protocol layers.
The implementation of the protocol stack was by setting flags in the "global"-struct in every protocol layer and having the application data in a buffer.
The complete telegram with all layer specific data (header, checksums, etc.) was then build at one single point right before sending it, based on the flags and the data buffer.

As there was no chance to reuse protocol layers with this implemenation. Three protocol implementations with special telegram builder existed in parallel, although they were nearly identical.

I needed a fourth variant of the protocol stack, so I had no chance but to make another copy with some minor changes.

But there was a benefit from this task.
As I had to do the software for the successor of this device from scratch I learned for many things how not to do them :-)

Be me

Need to fetch data from a website for project I'm working on

Look for an API with no luck

Spend 2 weeks developing a ridiculously overengineered and slow webscraping program with Selenium

Find an API

Fuck this

So my time saver automation can not be used because automation is not reliable.

Yeah sure make me extract data manually from 800 urls by hand and see if there is no human error.

Fuck my life.

People: "Well we could put this data in the address book.....?"

Me: "Wait, what does that data have to do with the address book? Does a given address need that data / is it specific to that address?"

People: "No it's not related to addresses ... we just thought we could put it there."

Me: ....

Me: "So if you use that address you always want that specific data you want stored in the address book?"

People: "Oh no it's not tied to addresses."

Me: ....

Me: "So help me out here, when do you use a given piece of data? In the example here, what made you add that information?"

-Silence-

People: "Um, I'm not sure."

Me: "I think it would be a good idea if we found out. That might provide us some important guidance here."

What the literal fuck apple? YOU ADDED ANOTHER USELESS FORM OF DATA COMPRESSION??? NO ONE WILL EVER USE XIP!!

Whyyy are dictionaries unordered in python. Fuuuck.

(Yes I know of OrderedDict, no you don't have to remind me - it is not a native data type, it is a module: argument over)

Note to self: Pointing your tests at a non disposable DB will cause very very bad things to happen. No idea what the flying fuck I was thinking - but praise to the data gods it wasn't a production elastic!

Aaaaargh!! When your predecessor decides to incorporate (in an already technology too diverse project) another 5 new frameworks just to add an 'one pager app', that has a grid display of some data and almost no other functionality.. o.O FML!! Oh and also this page looks totally unlike other parts of the software.. yay!! :/

While in the banking world, I had a project where I had to automate an import into a shit system called CRAWiz. The data had to come from multiple archaic loan systems with no API and tons of shit data.

After implementing, the shit data came to light. Instead of fixing shit data (and using their loan systems correctly), they decided to go back to digging through physical files and manually importing. They blamed CRAWiz and decided to go with a new system to import their shit data into. I warned them repeatedly that a new system would not fix the shit data but they couldn't accept it. I left at that point. 😂

Management directed a 2-month project including 5 developers, 3 DBAs, plus Q&A to replace a SOAP service that retrieved data from a single table. End result, project lasted 9+ months, 5 spectacular failed 3:00AM deployments, and a WCF service that retrieved data from a single table. Justification? Management wanted to eliminate SOAP, because SOAP uses XML and XML is slow. Thank goodness no one opened up Fiddler to see how WCF communicates.

Custom image format update for anyone who is interested…

First blocks of data have been written and the colour table has been compressed from ~170KB to 30 bytes…

Now to decide on my preferred method for pixel indexing, RLE or no RLE… and how should one do the RLE…

Ok so I was fetching some JSON data from a SQL database server and loading it on the front-end. Every single data is being loaded onto the table except for a single data column, which is empty.

Hmmm... So I go and check my code... everything looks fine.
Then I console.log the JSON (using .stringify() of course), all the values from the table are present in the printed out JSON.

Ok, now I am really pissed.

Long story short...
I had misplaced a single 'i' in the SQL statement, I had included the 'í' (the i-acute) character instead. And since I was using an alias in the query statement, no error was shown.

It's sometimes really anxiety inducing thinking that all data could be gone, if somebody decides to kill/discontinue/crash [see gitlab shitting 6 hours of data due to fucked backup strategy and shitty seperation of servers] your account/service, be it server, git-repos, backups, chrome syncs, games, music, sim card, ..

But there's simply no way of having a backup of absolutely everything (ignore DRM) - especially automated and abstracted away from you, so you don't have to do all that shit yourself

End of the world ?

Github/Bitbucket losing all its data while you are transitioning to a new system with no backups.

I'd rather face a nuclear war.

When your client tells you "it should just be like the other thing you did" and it turns out that it is completely different from the other thing you did in every possible way.

New DPO (Data protection officer): "Everybody must have an antivirus installed. You have an antivirus"
Me:"No, at the moment. I use Linux. I could install one to detect Windows virus"

Create a full open-source company based on no-knowledge services to compete with the data hogs that pretty much own the internet as it stands

Boss at the start of a new project: "We could hire an intern to gatter some data in an excel list... You can easily implement that in the application later - right? So can you get us a excel list to fill out? "

No... Just no...

You tell me what you wanna see and how you wanna interact with the application!

In the process we will figure out which data is necessary, I will build some tables in the database for that data and then, !!! not a second sooner !!! , I'll be able to give you an suitable excel list, which includes a complete list of columns for the necessary data in a form I can work with it.

It's not my job to know what data a application needs to make YOUR JOB easier! I'm not a magician! I just love programming stuff!

I was 1 hour into an 8 hour data warehouse build on my VM, when Windows popped up with a dialogue informing me that it would initiate Shut Down in 10 minutes. No button to Cancel or Delay, just “Okay”.

To Microsoft, I offer a hardy Dickensian “GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR!”

So how the fuck am I meant to get any work done with no admin access to my machine, no access to the databases I need to work with, firewall rules stopping me from doing anything from AWS so I can’t get to my data? Deadline in about a week... fuck that noise!

Today was a SHIT day!

Working as ops for my customer, we are maintaining several tools in different environments. Today was the day my fucking Kubernetes Cluster made me rage quit, AGAIN!

We have a MongoDB running on Kubernetes with daily backups, the main node crashed due a full PVC on the cluster.

Full PVC => Pod doesn't start
Pod doesn't start => You can't get the live data
No live data? => Need Backup
Backup is in S3 => No Credentials
Got Backup from coworker
Restore Backup? => No connection to new MongoDB

3 FUCKING HOURS WASTED FOR NOTHING

Got it working at the end... Now we need to make an incident in the incident management software. Tbh that's the worst part.

And the team responsible for the cluster said monitoring wont be supported because it's unnecessary....

*Nervous student comes in for the first interview I am conducting as a developer*

Me (as an interviewer): What is best approach to search data?

Student: It will take linear time but if data is sorted, we can do it in logarithmic time.

Me: [Smiles] Take a hint Hash Map?

Student: Yes, with it, we can do it in constant time.

Me: Okay, Bloom Filter anytime?

Student: *sweating* noooo...

Me: Okay. I am a developer so I know this.

Student: *about to cry*

Me: No problem but why will you search data when there is no problem? Don't you have better work.

Student: *confused* yup

Me: *laughs but immediately controls* Take it lightly. You know what you need to do this job. You are HIRED. :)

Story about my old boss:

I was doing a lot of work in an area that had a data property and a method to build an object. I noticed a reset method that iterated all that objects properties, found the matching data from the data object, passed that data through some logic to format it and then assigned that value to the object property.

As part of my PR I removed that method, since data wasn't changing, and simply called the create method again with data.

The result of tidying the code base and putting it up for review before a merge? I get told I have no respect for my boss's code, that I am undermining him, that I need to be more considerate and respectful of other people's work and that I am no longer allowed to change any code he has written in the code base (half the code base) without talking to him about it first, before it goes up for review. Also if he is working on an area I cannot change anything - not even 1 character (he is working on the core of the app).

Every day there I was so confused :D

Do you get filled with anxiety and mental anguish when asked for your availability for a technical interview, knowing you’ve spent all your time recently programming and not working on algorithms/data structures and so you’re terribly unprepared but have no idea what the acceptable amount of time to schedule out without seeming like you’re incompetent is?

No?

....me neither. (She says, lying)

Ran out of mobile data, go to top it up and it's £3.00 for 100MB or £9 for 1GB ... I'll just wait 3 days with no internet

Boss: so we've got to call an app to verify data in this project. But I've got no more info and I'm on holiday next week. Please contact GuyA next week.
Me: ok I guess?
*writes email to GuyA*
GuyB: GuyA is on holiday please hold the line
*1 week later*
GuyA: we need more time it's not ready yet
*2 weeks later?
Me: so?
GuyA: yeah it's ready here's the wsdl etc your client already has the password
*1 week later*
Me: yeah so I got the data but the api says my auth isn't working
GuyB: yeah your user isn't activated on the test system. I'm gonna forward that and come back at you
*1 week later*
GuyA: so we're going live in about 2 weeks hows testing going?
Me: well I'm still waiting for the response and activation
*suddenly it works*
Me: yeah so auth is working but i can't find any data. Is there any special test data?
GuyA: oh no there is NO test data on the test system. You need to wait for GuyB but he us not here today...
Me: are you fking kidding Me?????

... no response since then and it's been days....

The company I work for uses Coldfusion which is a dead technology in my opinion. I was tasked with using a data grid for our data from our mssql databases. This data grid I was trying out uses ajax to make a call to the server and expects the data transfered back in Json format. well coldfusion sucks balls because it's serializeJson function returns a outdated JSON structure and I can't use it. So obviously this datagrid throws errors and when I try looking up coldfusion solutions online or scope out stack overflow, the posts are dated like 6 years back because no one fucking uses CF anymore. My boss loves to jerk to it, it seems because he refuses to change languages cause its all they have ever used. -_- this is 2016 bitch lol

I don't know why they made so many algorithms, data structures and big O questions during interview, when all they wanted me to do was to maintain some legacy, tight coupled, spaghetti code with no architecture, documentation, tests nor any kind of engineering behind :/

Seriously...

___________
Description for people with no data volume: Image of MCP from tron saying "fuck users"

Yahoo finance shut down all their historic data uRL and im out of options. No API or packeges works. I have a report to pass up on tuesday for my ViVa and this is shit. Fuck. My months of work just wasted.

Ok so I have done some work with crypto currency mining pools and recently a client requested for me to make a splash page that showed data from multiple instances of these pools APIs. I went to find some documentation for this open source api and to my surprise there is none. I thought of querying the public API from the clients side and it worked, however it's so slow that the data shows up roughly 20 seconds after the page loads.

Easy fix right? Make a PHP server get the data every 5 seconds, cache it and serve the data with the page and use a websocket for live updates! Until I found out that there is no practical way in this garbage framework to get the damn API data without making an HTTP request or mutilating the original source code. I'm so done with this garbage framework. It literally loads pages based on a page and action parameter on the index.php. I quit.

!dev
Unpopular opinion.

Mage or shaman is no different than data scientist or insurance agent.

Computers are not tools, they're weapons, no ones data is safe, and most people are just oblivious to what's really going on in the Network Security and Data Security sector.

At work I inherited some databases, were most of the tablecolumns are all varchar. No ID's, and everything is in one table. No relation tables no reference data. Because "we don't trust the users who fill the tables to understand relationships". And.. wtf.

story - u get a new job, u really like the boss and work env, have been assigned a v ambitious project.. which involves v critical deploy control, data backfills and multiple level of integrations, takes 2 quarters to complete, in the mean time ur fav boss left for a better job and new boss doesn’t seems to understand the gravity of the project and thinks u r just sitting there twinkling fingers...anyways fast forward to d-day : deploys go fine everything working great... time to run some post deploy scripts for some data consistency, a single change to another piece of code done by some one else 2 days back triggers an additional logic and damn suddenly the app users loose ownership to part of the data they owned... u run history reports, do data loads to assign them back, some data errors out, u r about to manually set that up - u drop ur laptop from ur table and it refuses to restart - and all the Prep data is gone and all the scripts are gone and it’s a weekend so no IT Sypport... u r without a laptop for next 24 hours... the struggle continues... next update on Monday

The first time I've used JPA and Lombok annotations and suddenly didn't have to bother about getters and setters anymore and pretty much persisted my whole data tables with no effort.

Total game changer for me.

I will major in AI. No, I will major in Big data, wait, I want to major in cloud too. I think I should first complete the courses I enrolled on cloud academy or the tens of courses in enrolled on Udemy on all the domains possible first! So many technologies, so many dreams!

So in the project I’m working on we were about to do a push to live, no major functionality just minor adjustments and nice to have stuff. One of the things I did was a reminder, nothing special just sends an email out if something hasn’t been done for 3 days and then sends an email every day following. Push to live and every thing goes fine with no issues. Day 1 there are no issues. Day 2 there are no issues. Day 3 and I’m inundated with people telling me that the emails are getting sent to practically everyone, shit. What have I done? What have I missed?
So I start looking at the live database hoping for a data problem, no such luck. I look at my code looking for something blatantly obvious but nothing. I start replicating the data but I can’t reproduce this bug and it’s annoying the hell out of me. I checked one of the emails that the client sent to us more thoroughly and seen that it was sent at 07:01. This is odd as our webjob runs at 1am so I start looking at environmental factors and started looking at release management, more out of hope than expectation. I check the staging environment and see that the webjob ran at 7:00. Coincidence I thought, the webjob gets packaged on the release pipeline and everything in the database was dummy data anyway but I’d better check anyway. The database was an exact copy of the live database, turns out a “senior developer” wanted to sanity check everything by running live data through the code so he copied the database over. It was fine for the first couple of days but the data was now 3 days out of date triggering my email code and I get hit with the shit storm. I’ve never met such an incompetent developer in my fucking life, functions 700 lines long, classes that are over 20000 lines, repetition every where and the only design patterns he’s used is when he picks up a child’s colouring book. I can live with the fact that he writes code like someone on their first day of University But copying a database because he wants to “visualise” the fucking data is absolutely farcical. No wonder the project is fucked with a “developer” (in the loosest possible use of the word) is at the helm.

"Our Data Service comes PRE-P0WN'D"

Those SHIT-FOR-BRAINS data service providers GLOAT that their data can be natively integrated into most BI platforms, no code required.
How? Because they will EXPOSE THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING ON THE INTERNET.
LITERALLY.
UNAUTHENTICATED URL WITH THE ENTIRE DATASET.
STATIC. WON'T EVER FUCKING CHANGE.
NO VPN REQUIRED. NO AUTHENTICATION HEADERS. NO IN-TRANSIT ENCRYPTION.

"It is safe! No one will know the secret token that is a parameter in the url"
BLOODY BYTE BUTTS, BATMAN! IT IS A FUCKING UNAUTHENTICATED URL THAT DOES NOT REQUIRES RENEWAL NOR A VPN, IT WILL LEAK EVENTUALLY!

That is the single fucking worst SELF-P0WN I have ever seen.
Now I know why there are fucking toddlers "hacking" large scale databases all over the globe.
Because there are plenty of data service providers that are FUCKING N00BS.

I was minding my own business, fixing merge conflicts for my project lead when it struck.
There, in the middle of a React.js component, was a table, used not for displaying data, no, but for styling a form, which was not a form, but a series of table rows.
I feel sick

Im a junior android dev working in a startup. Wasted whole week on trying to parse some retarded json data generated by junior backend guy.

Im talking about objects with other objects as their elements, no use of arrays.

In the end had to redo his data in proper order so I could parse properly. Fkin waste of time.

At least now I know how to do his work, and won't be afraid to confront him with detailed criticism.

Lol the guy in my team make it sound like masterbaita. What an accent lol. Lol which should be master data 😂 so no one is correcting him

Working for 5 months as a junior dev. I receive a request to check out a data issue at client, no one knows what is happening. I quickly find a data import issue and let everybody know. Few days later apparently issue is still not solved. A senior data consultant approaches me asking for help.
senior: 'So, any idea what's wrong with the data?'
me: 'Yeah, someone messed up the import. Just delete it and import it again.'
senior: 'How do you know?'
me: 'Because <insert valid arguments>'
senior: Wow, very clever. Amazing work. I wouldn't have thought about that. Great job'

A few moments later I receive an email from the senior with all the stakeholders in the cc: 'I found the problem and I have a solution <copy/paste my words>'

TL;DR - (almost) childhood trauma due to Wesrern Digital crap products lead to lot of data loss and a plege to not trust or purchase their products for the rest of my life.

....

So, I got my first ever Wester Digital 2TB Mybook, back when 2TB was a really big thing. While in the midst of moving (not copying) a LOT of data to it, the damn disk just.. died. There was no fall, no power outage, no damage, it just stopped working. I was out of words and out of options. Tried yanking out the disk and connecting it directly to a system, but no luck because it looks like it's the HDD mobo that died.

Also stupid young me did not realise back then that, even if a "moved" the data, the original data is still most likely in their original location, and so, never bothered a recovery.

Lots of good stuff lost that day.

And as with a lot of you, my disaster recovery system kicked up 10 fold. Now I got redundant local and cloud backup copies of all critical and otherwise unattainable data.

As you may have guessed, I never bought another Wester Digital product ever again. My internal HDDs are Segate, and external is a suprisingly long lived Toshiba Canvio.

Another day, another task that requires magic. I'm stuck trying to connect hibernate envers and tomcat. Both work fine on their own, but now envers needs session data and i see no way to make that work because THAT GODDAMN ENVERS-LISTENER HAS NO WAY OF ACCESSING THAT INFORMATION WITHOUT GODAWFUL INSTABLE HACKS.

"I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." - Sherlock Holmes

spend better part of my day processing about 400M rows of data with MySql, woo ain't no single line of code that can do that in 12hrs 😊

Hey, can you generate a spreadsheet from this no-sql database with these specific properties for me?

6 months later:
Hey, the spread sheet in the new database, now use it, I messed with it for the past months, had some trouble with data but it sure is better than the db, right?

...

Just die...

+1 if you are interested in Augmented Reality technologies, have some presentations and assignments made and you are writing your Master thesis for Augmented Reality only to find yourself working for a company that wants from you to update somehow a project with 5 years old code written from some secret antisocial society that hates readability and you as a developer and a human being and wants from you to somehow understand why they call C# method only to return a string that contains all the html tags but no data and then insert the data in JavaScript splitting the same string.

Come on, give me a break! I m still trying, though I still haven't found where exactly the program learns the data to insert or it just knows (no questions asked)...

Kind of dev related, during a Firefly one-shot roleplay:

GM: So you have a data chip in your pocket. Do you want to see what's on it?

Me (hesitant): ...Kinda. *wait* Okay, I put the chip into one of my computers.

GM: The data chip shows random gibberish--it's encrypted. Your engineer may know how to decrypt it.

Me: Okay. Hey, Engineer! *holds imaginary data chip out to her* Decrypt this!

Engineer: No. *pause*, *sighs* Fine. But we need to be careful.

GM: Yes, now time for technobabble...

Me: So once we decrypt this, it's probably going to look for the MAC address, so we need an air-gapped machine--a machine that's never been online before--and a TAILS LiveUSB. We'll decrypt the data chip and then destroy the computer.

GM: ...Technobabble.

Fighter: ....I actually understood that and it actually makes sense. Good job. *fist bump*

I think I'm reaching now 40 hours in 3 days coding a function for a nasty grouping report.

Now the report is ready.
Testing with real data I'm 3/4 units off.

Now start at least one full week of monster counting-debugging-fixing on hundred of data.

If somebody get close to me in these days, I'll cut their throat drink their blood and eat their heart still beating, like Aztecs.

I'll have no time to cook or buy anything else to eat anyway, so it will be for survival.

I need some time off. Just had this convo with a dev-manager about an 'issue' with our system change mgmt calendar (Blazor) app.

K: "In the system drop-down, it's not filtering when I type."
Me: "Let me check <I attempt to reproduce>, yep, not working. Do you get the same error? Looks like duplicate data from the database is causing a problem."
<this is over MS Teams, about 5 minutes go by with no response, then>
K: "No error, its not working."
<I find the bad data, delete it, TADA, the filtering is working again>
Me: "The filtering is working again, at least for me. You sure you didn't see an error?"
<wait 5 minutes again>
K: "No, no error."
Me: "You didn't see a little red banner at the bottom and in all caps..ERROR"
<send him a screen-shot of the error I still had in another tab>
K: "Yes, I saw that one, but no other errors. Filtering is working again. Thanks"

I wasn't hired to do a dev's job (handled sales) but they asked me to help the non-HQ end with sorting transaction records (a country's worth) for an audit.

Asked HQ if they could send the data they took so I wouldn't need to request the data. We get told sure, you can have it. Waits for a month. Nothing. Apparently, they've forgotten.

Asks for data again. They churn it out in 24 hours. Badly Parsed. Apparently they just put a mask of a UI and stored all fields as one entire string (with no separators). The horror!

Ended up wasting most of a week simply fixing the parsing by brute force since we had no time.

Good news(?): We ended up training the front desk people to ending their fields with semi-colons to force backend into a possibly parsed state.

A prototype being used as production code written in procedural PHP with the code drawn using echo and MySQL (not MySQLi) all mixed together and the configuration with world readable database stored as config.inc.
All backed by a database with no foreign keys or data integrity of any kind.

Working for one of our oldest customer, in some serious old, ugly and outdated code(web service).
The dev db doesn't contain any relevant data.
The QA service points to production, so can't use it for any tests.
My contact, at the customer, is going on vacation tomorrow.
Their pm is going on vacation next Friday.
No time for refactoring, db data updates or otherwise do important and much needed updates.
They want it to be done yesterday.

FML.

This was more than 15 years ago. We migrated a bunch if data (home to a new server and repurposed the old one, the same night. This was not the first task on that allweekender, so it was around 3am on Sunday, with very little sleep, when I had to copy the data. I did that by logging in as admin and copying with Total Commander. Obviously, even admin did not have the permissions to some folders, so a lot of financial data were lost, as the users found out on Monday morning. We had no backup. Old server was not only reformatted, but the disks were used to build a different raid set. Luckily, one of the users who had access to this data kept a backup on a flash drive. (If you're wondering, I should've used robocopy with backup mode)

So I just spent 2 hours debugging a script that fetches data from an API. Thats all it was supposed to do. Http get some data.

It wasnt working and was giving a "parse error". Worked fine in browser.

So it turns out it was using http 0.9 (first documented http version, defined in 1991) and wasnt sending any headers. And js cant do no headers...

So yea I now have to write a tcp / http 0.9 client in js

No Google just because I use your app while running daily and hence providing you my data regarding my pace, my running track, my high weight and more doesn't mean that I want to diet

Stop showing dieting tips as news

I hate it when software downloads an update
and then shuffles a notification up my face saying "An update has been downloaded and ready to install".
Just WTF is wrong with these developers! What if I say no then you just successfully wasted my fucking internet data and disk space. Thank you and no thank you idiots.

I once got into a full argument with this guy who claimed that no-one would collect his usage data because he's not interesting enough.
He then called me stupid when I told him he was wrong.

No data no cry ~ Dev Marley

I need advice.

So let's say, hypothetically, I found a site with a user data leak.

Would it be illegal if I only told them where the leak was for a bounty?

I am NOT going to distribute the user data. I just don't want to work for free, you know?

Again: NOT DISTRIBUTING USERDATA. No blackmail. Just information that their QA should have caught.

Using Oracle ADF along with ADF Faces to build a simple learning management system. No JavaScript, no external stylesheets, all inline styles, no client side validation, doing form submit for every field's onblur event triggering a server-side validation, creating a VO for every damn page requiring data, creating an EO for every DB table or view, adding big-ass custom queries for most EOs to join on multiple tables, frequent N+1 queries, etc.,

Idont remember the rest of the problems

Can anyone recommend good resources for learning how to design NoSQL (document) data models?

I'm interested in stuff that talks about how to make the choices about distributing data across collections, etc.

When to have a single collection, when to split data across different collections, when to duplication data, etc,

Today I came across a very strange thing or a coincidence(maybe).
I was working on my predictive analytics project and I had registered on Kaggle(repository for datasets) long back and was searching on how to scrape websites, as I couldn't find any relevant dataset. So, while I was searching for ways to scrape a website, suddenly after visiting a few websites, I get notifications of a new email. And it was from Kaggle with the subject line
"How to Scrape a Tidy Dataset for Analysis"
Now I don't how to feel about it. Mixed feelings! It is either a wild coincidence, or Kaggle is tracking all the pages visited by the user. The latter makes more sense. By the way, Kaggle wasn't open in any of the tabs on my browser.

"It is pointless to use just a fraction of the data in a homologation environment"
Those words reveal the truth in our creed.
We work in the deepest of back-ends to serve the front.
No data is true. Everything can be edited.
We are Data Engineers.

And for those words to take hold, a junior must execute a leap of faith, and push a hotfix into production.

I am forced to work with a client's notoriously slow SOAP api. Slow in this case is 1.5-2s per request.
The api is structured rather... creatively... at the same time. So we have to bombard it with thousands of requests to build our data base with historical SOAP data. Also the data sometimes is a couple of hours late, giving a flat line (all values at 0) until retroactively fixing the output for the same requests.
So to fill one dev data base with a year's worth of historical data (nice to have when testing a dashboard application) we hammer the api with ~20k requests (~1 million if we want to be thorough).
Best thing about that: There is no staging/test api and the prod api seems not to handle lots of requests at the same time very well...
Latest thought: Maybe we could put a varnish cache in front of the SOAP for testing. Better have wrong data, than nothing at all and we don't kill the prod clients every time we ramp up a new instance.
Also that would dramatically decrease the 4.2 hours of data pumping to about 7 minutes after the first run.

Working from home. Most of the team is off. Client has an official half day. Most of them are off. Instead of being online at 7 am, gonna get online around 850 just before daily standup. Laying in bed, enjoying the cool sheets and the fact that there's no rush. ~0730 team lead calls, user shit himself and I need to fix it. Server issue? Nope. Data issue? Nope. Portal bug? Nope.

Client input conflicting data and can't progress with tool.

After all the rants I've written on this topic, no, no, fuck no. I ain't answering jackshit. The trauma is very real. I'm trying to not have a panic attack just remembering few of the times I've lost work, personal data, side projects, accounts, you name it.
Oh dear God it's hard to breathe...

Why why why the fuck would you assign the same variable name at the start of a function to completely different data? These aren't params, but variables being assigned different things, no comments, no documentation, crucial in the operation, but assigned wildly different values with different behaviors through the code.

Went to a Big Data workshop, now I know why there's a elephant as hadoop's logo and how it came. Still no clue how it works.

Just started a new job at a big co.
Expected to implement small new feature, no sweat about 30 LOC. Unfortunately no unit tests, no way to test without real data.

Spend 2 weeks trying to get it to run on the test rack. Lo and behold the entire testing system has been sitting broken for months and nobody knew. Why is all the documentation so vague!???

Let's see what's on the menu today:

* Web Application Catastrophe Special *

Includes, but not limited to:
- Orphaned server processes in the configuration management cluster
- Microservice back-end architecture with no API documentation
- Poorly implemented cache microservice with no documentation
- Stale data causing everything to be shown as down in production, despite everything running fine

Cost: 1 developer's sanity

In my project to process CSV file it needs to be transformed into XML file. Basically 100 MB CSV is turned into 3GB XML. They can be deleted afterward but it is not implemented and no one cares. Our storage gains around 1-2 TB data each month. Right now we have ~200 TB of XML in our s3
I think I can add Big Data to my CV *sarcasm*

Today I think it became apparent why we have so many data and prod issues...

No one understands SOLID design principals... Particularly Separation of Concern. No wonder all the Spring (DI) modules look like a mess of God functions that are impossible to reuse and difficult to extend...

My fucking internet is so fucking bad, I get 2K/s download. I would like to know what the fuck is up with that but the isp's website doesn't load. I have no mobile data left and WhatsApp messsnges take minutes to send. For fucks sake this doesn't feel like 21st century germany.

Rant/Question
So I had this friend who has his own company, hosting is part of their business. He gave me a VM to host some websites, test stuff and whatnot. Free. I have quite some important stuff on there (personal, and a few demo sites for clients). No backups of my own, because they do nightly tape backups, and RAID accross physically seperated datacenters. Today, he just shut down my VM - for personal reasons (really personal, nothing to do with his company whatsoever, he hates me lately for something I can't influence). He doesn't say weather or when Ill get the data, and gave me no time to pull it. Can/should I go to the police? I just want my data back, but I don't know if I can do anything as it was free (no contract).
Switzerland, btw.

I work on an webapp that should manage a huge ton of data, and some page needs to display a big part of them.

On this page, we had some checkboxes lists to display, so even more data. One of them wasn't behaving correctly tho, so we ask the support was could be the problem.

Answer : It might have too much data to display.

No shit Sherlock.

Answer : Please provide us a lighter version of it.

Ok, I'm gonna do a lighter version with a very few data so you can test a situation we will never encounter. Thanks !

No matter how many years experience you have, a part of your job will always be copy and pasting malformed client data in to a useable format.

I found out the importance of time complexity. It might not seem like a big difference between O(1) and O(2). But there's a big difference hardcoding 500 lines and 1000 lines of data.

I made a navigation app for school using dijkstra's algo. However it had no data available so I had to hardcode it. Long story short, there was a ton of hardcoding. Always try to improve the time complexity of the code you write.