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Search - "you can't make me"
-
So this fucking happened today.
Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*
Me: *opens issue*
"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"
Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*
"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"
Me: *looks at error message*
"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".
😐 😶 😦
Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*
Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*
"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"
Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫
Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.28 -
Biggest hurdle? Probably other people telling me no.
- My parents wouldn't let me go to college to study CS because 'this computer thing is just a fad and you won't be able to make a living off it'. Instead they pulled me out of school early and made me go study automotive so I could be a mechanic like my dad.
- At 22, my boss at my first tech company job heard I was taking Java classes in the evenings. Told me to stop wasting my money because I'd never be a programmer.
- Got a job at a game development company as a document writer. I could code by then. When I was done with my work I'd look for bugs and send the solutions to the programmers so they could submit them. Tech lead found out and flipped out. Said I wasn't allowed to look at the code because I 'hadn't been hired as a programmer'.
Today I'm a senior developer and pretty happy with my career.
When people tell you that you can't do something, that should be all the motivation you need to work your ass off to prove them wrong.15 -
Get ready for the first ever devRant live stream event! @trogus and I will be making an exciting announcement/launch live on our YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/devrantapp) this Wednesday (October 4th) at 9pm EDT. After the announcement we will also take some questions from devRant users who are watching. The questions can be about the announcement or anything devRant-related in general. We hope to get some fun questions so feel free to ask anything you want.
We look forward to having some fun with our first live stream! If you can't make it, don't worry, the replay will be available on YouTube and we'll likely do some more streams in the future. Please let me know if you have any questions and we hope many of you can join us!
Edit: the stream will be available here once it begins tomorrow: https://youtube.com/watch/... I will also post another announcement rant when we go live!53 -
Me: *Applies for entry level full-stack job*
Recruiter: "Sorry, I can't hire you because you don't have the years of experience we're looking for. We can take you on as an intern! Unpaid of course, while we train you."🙂
Clueless Me: "Sure, why not."
*second day into the internship*
Boss: "I have this really big project, and I want you to be the lead. I'm going to be very vague about what I want, so you'll constantly have to make changes to user stories, wireframes, & database designs until I'm satisfied. Don't ask me any questions for clarity, because I'm busy 🙂"
Silly Me: "okay"
Boss: "Also, can you train all the other interns? You're so lucky! You'll get to pick the best to join your team" 🙂
Stupid Me: "okay"
Boss: *emails me a spreadsheet of 80 Front-End interns (freshmen and sophomores)*
"Did you start building the app yet?" 🙂
Me (Dummy): "You haven't approved the final wireframes ye-"
Boss: "And for the other interns' training, what did you have in mind?" 🙂
Me (Dumbass): "I made a training guide, they're already followi-"
Boss: "My project manager for this other project left, guess he couldn't handle the pressure of a real job... HAHAHAHA! You're gonna take the lead of that project, too!"
*Adds me to the slack group* 😁
Me (Imbecile): "Wha-"
Boss: "And we've been having trouble with keeping track of everyone's code. Is there something we can do instead of slacking code snippets back and forth?" 🤔😮
Me (Fucking Imbecile): "Wait, you guys are working on a project and you don't have any form of version control? Maybe we should take a few steps back and plan thi-"
Boss: "Are you gonna take initiative or not!?" 😡
Me (Enlightened): "I quit." 😑
Former Boss: "Too bad... I was going to offer you a paid role tomorrow morning. Oh well!" 😔39 -
Boss: I can't open the website.
Me: What connection you using boss? Try to switch to LAN cable. Our office wifi a little bit wonky today.
*plug in LAN cable
Boss: Ahaaaaa! It works now. Please, next time make you develop website wifi compatible.
Me: ****8 -
Morning conversation with wife.
As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter
She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.
Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.
She: that not funny, why do you always do that.
Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.
A little later.....
She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)
I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)21 -
FUCK YOU SHITTY FUCKING DICK HEAD!!!.. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT ABOUT "YOU'RE A PROGRAMMER... YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO USE PHOTOSHOP!"... OR "SUCH A SHITTY PROGRAMMER YOU ARE... DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX MY COMPUTER"... OR "CAN YOU MAKE ME AN APP?... IT'S LIKE OTHER APP BUT BETTER, I CAN'T GIVE YOU MORE DETAILS BECAUSE IT'S CONFIDENCIAL, SO YOU GOT TO DO IT WHIT OUT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK YOU HAVE TO DO"... GO TO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A TRUCK FULL OF DONKEYS FUCKING IDIOT!!!... STOP TALKING BULLSHIT AND GET AND FUCKING LIFE YOU ASSHOLE!!!... sorry about my english for those who read25
-
*You can't make this shit up*
Recruiter: Hi, I saw your profile on LinkedIn and I think I have a great programmer opportunity for you today! Can you tell me a little bit about your experience?
Me: Sure, I mostly work with JavaScript and C# and have several years of experience in designing, developing, and deploying enterprise-level applications in production environments.
Recruiter: Hmm, um OK. Have you ever created programs using InDesign or Microsoft Word?
Me: Excuse me?
Recruiter: You know, anything like pamphlets or event brochures?
Me: Are you talking about physical paper programs such as those that accompany events/conferences?!
Recruiter: Yes! What else would I be taking about?
Me: I'm in the software development industry, so I thought you were talking about programming in that context.
Recruiter: Oh no! Those positions are for the men, sweety. I mean, I wouldn't expect any women to know that other techy stuff...
*Hangs up*44 -
Biggest hurdle: torn between having boobs and missing an arm. I swear some people are under the assumption the brain is in the arm.
I am fully capable of building your network, resolving your outage due to your faulty code, can even tell you how many users your database can support at once. I don't need arms for that. Nor do my boobs distract me that badly.
"but men are going to make your life so hard" yup. And that's true no matter where i go
"all that typing with one arm can't be good for your back" welp. Find me a job that doesn't require a computer. Or manual labor. If you think typing will fuck me up, that's DEFINITELY out of the equation
"you're too pretty, there's no way this can make sense" dafuq you just say?!?!
"why don't you just stay home on disability, I'm sure you qualify, you wouldn't need to work" I'd rather be a fucking trophy wife if I'm staying at home. Fuck that.
And many more.
Sometimes they're fun. Give me more dumb arguments to counter? ;)55 -
Family reaction story to me being a dev?
- My dad still refers to my profession as 'something in computers'.
- My older sister goes to her weirdo friends for technical advice because she thinks all I do is fill paper in printers (that's a long TL;DR story about a phone upgrade)
- My brother, a car mechanical genius thinks what I do is near God-like. He also races cars and can blabber on about the physics, aero-dynamics, weight ratios, etc and says "Oh, no way. I'm too stupid to do what you do." Then I'm like, "Dude, shut up, I can barely change my oil and you could replace an engine blindfolded", then he just laughs "Yea, probably."
- Baby sister just wants me to fix her phone. "Can you make <insert some random app> do <insert a random behavior the app was never designed to do>?". I'm like "Uh no, I didn't write Instagram", then she's like "I thought you went to school for computers?".
- My mom passed way (long battle with cancer). I'm sure she'd be proud, but still asking me to how to switch the channel so she could watch a movie on the VCR.
I can clearly see having this conversation with my mom.
Me: "Mom, why are you still using a VCR? I bought you a subscription to Netflix"
Mom: "Net what? Do I turn the dial to channel 2 or 3?"
Me: "No, its the Netflix button on the remote."
Mom: "Can't you come over and do this? I just want to watch my shows. Didn't you go to school to learn these things?"
Me: "No mom, that's not...um...never mind. I'll be right over."17 -
My experience with Adobe...
(I recently moved to Canada)
Me: I want to give you money. (Tries to pay with Canadian card)
Adobe: Sorry, you have a US account, you must use a US card.
Me: Okay, what are my options to pay with my Canadian card?
Adobe: We have to delete your US account and create a Canadian one.
Me: Okay... Why can't you just switch the country from US to Canada on my account?
Adobe: *bullcrap response*
Me: Okay, delete it and transfer everything.
*Kicks me out of the chat.
*I log back in. Try to reconnect to customer service chat.
Adobe: AdobeID unable to participate in chat.
*I'm 30 minutes into this ordeal
Me: (to myself) I could literally torrent this program in 5 minutes 🤔
Lesson: if a company wants people to not torrent their software make it easier for a willing fucking customer to buy your software!
Since the chat doesn't work anymore, I called customer service and am still on hold.... 😤😤😤
Why does the internet have borders?11 -
In unit test
Me: *uses everything I have , writes a program with my own logic, tries to make it better by adding some user friendly features and also documents the whole code*
My Friend:*copies from textbook*
RESULT
ME:9/10
HIM:10/10
"Your code isn't present in the textbook, so I can't say if it'll work but still I've given you marks" -_-
What kinda system is that -_-12 -
Had this recently with a client, mysql server of one of our shared hosting servers went down:
Senior engineer 1: heads up guys, mysql of {server name} is down, working on it! *calls second engineer in*
Support people: thanks for letting know! (in case clients call about it)
*triiiingggg*
Me: good afternoon, how can I help you?
Client: this site which we manage for a shared customer says it can't connect to the database...
M: is it hosted on {server name of mysql problems}
C: yes.
M: there's a mysql disruption there right now, we're working on it!
C: *starts guilt tripping me about thy they chose us for stability reasons and now this happens*
M: sir, I can't change this situation so you can go on and on about that but it's not going to help anyone.
C: okay, so what can I tell my client?
M: you can tell that we have a mysql server disruption right now and are working to fix it as soon as possible!
C: and what am I going to tell my client if they don't accept that answer?
M: you can tell that we are fixing this disruption as soon as possible.
C: yes you said that but what if they don't accept that answer, what am I going to tell them THEN?!
M: Listen, sir. We have a disruption right now. It's not fun but whether I tell this by writing it to you in a fairy tail or shout it at you, it's not going to make a difference.
We have a disruption and we are working on i....
*click*
Well, fuck you too.7 -
Teacher: Homework for next time is to make 2 web pages with three javascript.
* whole class is quiet *
Me: What's "three JavaScript"
T: undefined
M: Do you mean three files?
T: No, I mean three JavaScript.
M: Okay, so let's go with five CSS and twelve HTML as well then...
Please, go somewhere else when you can't explain your OWN HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. Holy fuck.16 -
Dear sir,
I'm NOT giving you the information you want because I can't verify you. You can tell me that we're the only company who does it like this and name all companies which do it differently, you can curse me into the ground or completely lose your shit at me but that won't make a difference:
I'm not giving you the information you want.
Sincerely,
Go fuck yourself.10 -
Working with a radio chip we selected because it had built-in encryption. Cannot make the encryption work, thus in contact with the manufacturer:
"- I cannot make the encryption work, it's like the chip doesn't want to take a key.
- which key do you use?
- does it matter?
- well yes, you can't just use any key!
- why not?
- you need to get an approved key from us.
- why is that?
- so that your competitors can't read your data!
- ...
- ...
- so the way to get working keys is to get them from you?
- of course!
- keys are 256 bits. Can we potentially use all of them?
- OF COURSE NOT!
- how many can we get from you?
- one! We reserve it from your company.
- are you telling me that all units within a company will need to have the exact same encryption key?
- yes!
- so anyone with our product could eavesdrop another same product?
- well yes, but it's all within your own products.
- ...
- ...
- that's not how encryption is supposed to work.
- but it's safe, your competitors cannot eavesdrop!
- I'm out of here."
(We finally found a satisfactory work-around, but i am still pissed at them)9 -
Me: code quality is important
Everyone: <no shit given>
Director: code quality is important
Everyone: yes, it is very important, hurray!
Fast forward few weeks/months...
Me: why this function accepts 14 arguments?
ShitDev: yhm, you know, we need to fix it... maybe
Me: why this exception is swallowed?
ShitDev: oh, really? yhm, yhm
Me: why this function is copy-pasted and repeated (20 LoCs)?
ShitDev: yeah, true, but we wanted to make it fast.
Me: Dear director, this project sux and its quality is shit.
Director: you're exaggerating, it can't be that bad, it works, right?
Me: <polishing CV>
ShitDev: got praised for delivery14 -
Type letter "w" in wife's browser
"What is the ratio of open to closed doors in the world right now?"
"Why doesn't my baby molt her skin all at once while she grows?"
"Will Python help me to make a robot friend for my toddler daughter"
"Where do I buy tensors for building robot brains"
"Why don't we solve aging population and climate change by not vaccinating boomers"
Me: ... "Seriously, why can't you just watch hardcore porn, like a normal person"25 -
BOSS: i will need your resume for this new project, can you make it?
ME: sure, but don't you have one?
BOSS: yes, but i would need it changed for a new details
ME: ok...
after work...
BOSS: we have a problem, remember that resume? we need it on english, and need it right now, can you translate it at home?
ME: ok, but give me a few minutes...
sends translated resume...
BOSS: ummm, it's not translated well, you didn't translate your education...
ME: the name of the school? you can't translate that...
BOSS: this lady asked for it, so do it...
ME: ok...
sends again...
BOSS: not quite there yet, you have Ć in your last name, translate that...
ME: translate my last name?
BOSS: yeah, this lady has a spell check and saw that incorrect...
ME: .....
im going to celebrate when i leave this itterate shithole17 -
Was at my sisters place a little ago and somehow we came at the subject of her laptop.
For everyone who thinks I'm posting this solely to hate on windows, I'm not. This really happened and if you don't believe it, well, so be it, I guess.
Also keep in mind that's she's using a stock version without anything except for word and itunes installed.
She got it a couple of years ago and I dual booted it for her (windows + ubuntu). I fully expected her to use windows because of office and outlook etc.
Asked her anyways:
Me: So, you've got dual boot, although I think already know the answer, what system do you use mostly? (I didn't even consider that there was a possibility that the answer would be ubuntu or linux)
Sister: Ubuntu!
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: 😵
Me: Sorry, what? You're not using windows as primary system?!
Sister: No. It at first takes that motherfucking system about 5 minutes to reach the FUCKING LOGIN SCREEN.
Me: Ow, that's bad :/
Me: *turns laptop on and indeed, it takes a fuckton of time*
Me: Is the password still the same as when I set it up for you?
Sister: Yesss.
Me: *types the password, it's working, loading screen appears*
Sister: Would you like a coffee?
Me: Uhm.... sure? But that would take you about 10-15 minutes to make.......?
Sister: Yes. And that's exactly how long it takes before that fucking piece of shit called windows has finally loaded the FUCKING DESKTOP.
Me: 😅
Me: Okay but it can't be that bad, right? I mean, I hate windows but you mostly need it for studies and such and as you know I'm not judging you for tha......
Sister: YES IT IS THAT FUCKING BAD. WHEN I'M IN CLASS, IT TAKES HALF THE FUCKING CLASS TO LOAD BEFORE I CAN OPEN WORD OR WHAT-THE-FUCK EVER.
THAT'S WHY I USE UBUNTU PRIMARILY, BECAUSE, ALTOUGH IT'S NOT MY FAVOURITE SYSTEM, IT. JUST. FUCKING. WORKS.
Well, I did definitely NOT see that one coming!
There is some bloatware on there but definitely as bad as what would cause this. Virus scan turned up empty. No. Fucking. Clue.
It's not a gaming laptop or anything but come on, it should run either windows or linux very well.51 -
"Can you help me make an app? I've got this perfect idea, but I can't tell you what it is until you've said yes."
SIGH. I wish these people knew that perfect ideas are worthless, there are plenty of them. Perfect executions of good ideas are what has value.6 -
Real Story:
Manager: You have to add an extra section in the app to show more details.
Me: We are already showing so many unnecessary details. These changes are not required.
Manager: No !! You have to do it.
Me : Ok !!! So why can't we show it in the section where we are showing the other details. Why make a separate section for it.
Manager : No !! It won't be clearly visible to the user. Just do it.
So I added another section to show useless information that we are already showing it f**king everywhere else in the app.
So I released a new apk next day with the added features.
In meeting, our CTO goes through the app and ask manager....
" Why we have added an extra section for showing same details that we are showing everywhere else ???
Who approved this ?? This is nonsense !!! "
Here comes the fun part.
Manager : I don't know. I didn't ask for it. These changes were not there earlier.
And ask me.
"Who told you to make these changes ? "
I am like... F***k man you a***ole told me to do it even when i told you it will be nonsense.12 -
Today when showing a game that I made:
X: So you used Unity, it's so easy
Me: Yeah I mean compared to....
X: Thus since you used a game engine, I can't say your game was completly developed by you.
Me: So you are saying that since a builder didn't make bricks thus he can't claim credits on the building he made?13 -
It's maddening how few people working with the internet don't know anything about the protocols that make it work. Web work, especially, I spend far too much time explaining how status codes, methods, content-types etc work, how they're used and basic fundamental shit about how to do the job of someone building internet applications and consumable services.
The following has played out at more than one company:
App: "Hey api, I need some data"
API: "200 (plain text response message, content-type application/json, 'internal server error')"
App: *blows the fuck up
*msg service team*
Me: "Getting a 200 with a plaintext response containing an internal server exception"
Team: "Yeah, what's the problem?"
Me: "...200 means success, the message suggests 500. Either way, it should be one of the error codes. We use the status code to determine how the application processes the request. What do the logs say?"
Team: "Log says that the user wasn't signed in. Can you not read the response message and make a decision?"
Me: "That status for that is 401. And no, that would require us to know every message you have verbatim, in this case, it doesn't even deserialize and causes an exception because it's not actually json."
Team: "Why 401?"
Me: "It's the code for unauthorized. It tells us to redirect the user to the sign in experience"
Team: "We can't authorize until the user signs in"
Me: *angermatopoeia* "Just, trust me. If a user isn't logged in, return 401, if they don't have permissions you send 403"
Team: *googles SO* "Internet says we can use 500"
Me: "That's server error, it says something blew up with an unhandled exception on your end. You've already established it was an auth issue in the logs."
Team: "But there's an error, why doesn't that work?"
Me: "It's generic. It's like me messaging you and saying, "your service is broken". It doesn't give us any insight into what went wrong or *how* we should attempt to troubleshoot the error or where it occurred. You already know what's wrong, so just tell me with the status code."
Team: "But it's ok, right, 500? It's an error?"
Me: "It puts all the troubleshooting responsibility on your consumer to investigate the error at every level. A precise error code could potentially prevent us from bothering you at all."
Team: "How so?"
Me: "Send 401, we know that it's a login issue, 403, something is wrong with the request, 404 we're hitting an endpoint that doesn't exist, 503 we know that the service can't be reached for some reason, 504 means the service exists, but timed out at the gateway or service. In the worst case we're able to triage who needs to be involved to solve the issue, make sense?"
Team: "Oh, sounds cool, so how do we do that?"
Me: "That's down to your technology, your team will need to implement it. Most frameworks handle it out of the box for many cases."
Team: "Ah, ok. We'll send a 500, that sound easiest"
Me: *..l.. -__- ..l..* "Ok, let's get into the other 5 problems with this situation..."
Moral of the story: If this is you: learn the protocol you're utilizing, provide metadata, and stop treating your customers like shit.22 -
So today my middle company put a meeting with the new HR.
Meeting subject: you can't poach inside the company.
Context: I resigned, and I'll be taking with me 3 profiles.
HR: If you do take them, we'll take you to court.
Me: Why?
HR: It's poaching and by contract, you can't.
Me: You can show which clause?
HR: That's not the problem.
Me: Also in France, you need to notify the employee as you are denying his right to get a job. And pay him for that.
HR: What? That's none sense! Stop talking and listen.
Me: Ok
HR: We'll sue you and crush you. You'll have so much legal problem that you...
Me: I'll just start recording on my phone, so you say that you accept it and continue your intimidation rant.
HR: What? No!! Stop that.
Me: *stop it* Would you rather have my lawyer with us? Because we'll need to reschedule the meeting.
HR: If you continue that way, we'll tarnish your name and no company will hire you.
Me: You really aren't familiar with IT, right? Because I could delete ALL production. No system work. The BCP will kick in. You will lose one or two days. Then make an article of it, showing what kind of process or security should have been implemented. And I will still get a high pay job!!
HR: You know what? Get out! If you want to go to war, your problem.
Me: Ok, so you'll be getting news from my lawyer by mail.
HR: what?
Me: Yeah, that harassment. And my lawyer will get in touch. And I might also post on LinkedIn. And talk about it in the next events I'm invited.
HR: that's, that's...
Me: freedom of speech. Don't worry I'll write it so it's only viewed as my opinion. Have a nice day.
Two hours later my friend, lawyer, send them a mail and email.
Three hours later the COO calls me. Saying that HR was out of line and that it'll no occur again. It was an error and I should be forgiving.
So now all discussion with HR must be held with my attorney :). And middle company pay for it.6 -
(after 1 month working on native android app).
Me: The android app is now ready.
Boss: okay great... Can we have the ios one ready for launch tomorrow.
Me: No it will take some time.
Boss: why you already have the Code can't you just make an ios app out of it... Like copy and paste
Me:😡😡🆘9 -
A real interaction I just had...
Team Member: "Can you handle this ticket for a bug fix?"
Me: "Whats the problem?"
TM: "We aren't exactly sure..."
Me: "Ok, so can you show it to me?"
TM: "We can't get it to happen again, and when it does the machine freezes and we can't debug it..."
Me: "So, if I find a fix then how do we test to make sure it worked?"
TM: "I'm not sure..."
Then today,
Product Manager: "How's that bug fix going?"
Me: "Well, let's see. The problem still hasn't been defined. I have never been able to recreate the issue. I have a hacky fix in a PR..."
PM: "Great, so we can deploy today?!?"
Me: "No, because we have no way to reproduce or test this issue at all..."
PM: "Do you think your fix will work?"
Me: "Honestly, no. If you're asking for my opinion then you can have it. IMO this is NOT a bug fix but a change to how the system operates altogether. This system was built by someone who didn't know what they are doing. We have done our best with it but it is a house of cards. And now the solution is to replace a card at the bottom layer. It is likely that no matter what fix we do (even when we can fucking test it) that it will topple the house of cards..."
PM: ~Looking at me in disbelief~
Me: "If you ask me for my honest professional opinion then you will get it. Keep that in the future if that honest response was outside what you expected."
PM: "I will do that, thanks for your assessment"
Where do we go from here? God only knows.
Praise Joe Pesci5 -
Co-worker: hey, can you create an email?
Me: yeah, who needs one? There are no records indicating any new people starting for another two weeks.
Cw: if for Stan, he started today. Also he needs a computer set up.
Me: who the hell is Stan and why are there no records of this person?
Cw: he's new, he started today so we didn't need an email or computer before today.
Me: I get that they're new, but what happened to giving the IT department at least 3 days notice on new hires so I can make sure things get taken care of?
Cw: you know how it is around here, nobody gets notice for anything. So can you get that email and computer setup for me, he can't work without them.
Me: I get that we don't actually plan for anything around here and that 90% of my job is fixing that failure, but hiring someone isn't like a system failing, people don't just show up and say "I start today" they have to go through interviews and background checks and other stuff, someone besides this person knew they started today so I don't think it's too much to ask that I get an email when the offer is extended to the person so I can prepare a system.
Cw: well we interviewed him two weeks ago and he accepted the offer last week, he's here and waiting so just as soon as you can please.
Me: well here's an email, the computer is gonna have to wait, I have a lot going on today and I don't have any computers ready right now.
*Seriously tempted to make them wait till next week to cover the 3 days notice I've asked for 100 times*23 -
Dear Android:
I know I'm not on wifi. I get it. Sometimes data coverage isn't amazing or the network is congested. It's cool. You can just flash "no service" and I just won't try. or even "3G" and I'll have some patience. I rember how slow 3G was. It's okay, I'll wait.
But fucking stop showing 4G LTE if you can't make a fucking GET request for a 2kb text file in less than 5 minutes! Fucking really? Don't fucking lie to me with your false hope bullshit, just tell me the truth and I'll probably sigh and say shit and put my phone away.
But fuck you and your progress bar externally stuck in the middle. As if to say you're making progress! Wasting my time!
If you can't download a kilobyte in a 5min period, why even say I have data at all? What good does that do me?23 -
Seriously fuck mandatory security questions, these are my options:
What year did you meet your spouse?
I'm single.
What is your favorite book as a child?
I didn't have a favorite book. (and still, don't)
In which city did you meet your spouse?
I'm single
What is the first name of the first person you went to prom with?
Didn't go to prom.
Which state did you first visit (outside of your birth state)?
I've been to about 43 states and can't remember when I started traveling, how the fuck am I supposed to know?
In which city was your spouse born?
Again I'm single.
In which city did your oldest sibling get married?
I don't have any siblings.
C'mon, at least let me create my own question because right now I have no choice but to make up random shit and write it down in LastPass as a note.5 -
I received a ticket today that said
"The customer can access the app fine if they're at their home, but when they occasionally go to the desert they can't access the app"
You can't make this stuff up.
Someone please kill me.14 -
Internet: YOU are nothing without me.
My phone: Th..That's not true! She cc..can make calls ww..ithout you...and ss...send texts. Sh..Sh..She plays offf..offline games sometimes and has ddd..downloaded music to her storage that she could llii.. listen to and has a sshh..shit load of memes stocked that she sss..sometimes laughs at. I AM usef...ffuul :-/
Internet *lighting up a cigarette*: hahhaa! You can survive without me. If this were 10 YEARS ago! There's not a slightest chance, today.
My phone *starts sobbing*: sh..shut up sshhhuut uu..up.
Internet *blowing smoke rings*: you think you're the ONLY device she owns?? She has too many of them, but guess who is connected to all those devices! ME! She can't function without me. Hell, the world can't function without ME!
Electricity *rubbing it's eyes from sleep* - what's all that noise??
Phone: 😶
Internet: 😶
Phone: 🙂
(I'm about to fall asleep and there's no power right now. Back up ain't working. Life sucks)5 -
!dev
!!misery
I'm drunk, so it's time for some faux-emotional, blunt oversharing. and lots of profanity. It won't be pretty.
------
I'm miserable. I can't sleep at night. When I finally manage to, I sleep like crap. In the morning, early, I get woken up by my children screaming or pulling my hair or jumping on either the bed or me, or talking ad furore, or any number of other miserably unpleasant things that completely prevent sleep. So I'm tired every single day, which totally surprisingly makes focusing on work fucking difficult. Doubly so because the work is fucking uninteresting and the code is awful to read and difficult to understand because it's complicated and often poorly written. And extending it takes enormous mental effort I simply do not have to give. Oh! Guess what my job is?
To make matters worse, time to myself basically does not exist, ever. I wake up, I attend standup, I cook and eat breakfast, I work while fighting against endless distractions and interruptions, I cook and eat dinner, I work some more, and finally: I can go to bed and try to sleep. The next morning, I wake up and repeat this misery, ad nauseam.
Et ad nauseam? Nauseam est nunc.
It's not proper latin, but fuck you. it's good enough. and nobody speaks it anyway.
Ego sum miseriae. Is that good enough for you?
I can't find it in myself to care about anything. I've been doing whatever I can to feel a little more normal, but mostly I just feel numb. If I drink, it helps a little because I notice my misery a little less. That's a great solution right there: drink until I don't care anymore, and keep doing the same shit without even trying to make things better. Why? Because I fucking can't. I hate this house, I hate the lack of quiet, I hate this city, I hate the dust and the clutter, I hate this state, I hate this codebase, I don't like my coworkers, I hate that I can't get a fucking thing done without spending 6x longer than it should, I hate that I can't fucking think of a single thing I want to do, I hate that I can't ever enjoy anything, I hate that I'm beginning to hate myself, and I fucking hate everything else, too.
In short:
I'm not happy. I'm fucking miserable.
And no, I'm not posting this here for you to psychoanalyze me or suggest solutions. It's for me to vent. Fuck your opinions and fuck your advice and fuck you.29 -
FUCKING HELL
My sister has that Vaio laptop from 2012 and she wanted me to "clean it up"... You get the deal. I ran the bios and booted it up from my external SSD setup so I don't have to bother with her bloody Windows fucking 7. When I'm finished deleting some garbage she managed to accumulate on her disk I wanted to switch back to Windows to properly uninstall bloatware she had. AND THEN OT FUCKING STRUCK ME. Can't load bios. F keys don't do shit. Delete doesn't either. The bloody "ASSIST" button is as useless as always. Since the computer is so slow I'm gonna waste a whole day trying to fix it and in the end she will be like: "oh, it took you so long!". Why Vaio, why can't you just get over the fact that some people actually use BIOS and make it somehow ACCESSIBLE? It's the same shit every time I try to do anything with that laptop. I'm always getting shit on from Sony as if I paid them to fuck me. One last time. VAIO, FUCK YOU.4 -
Old man's tale. It's true.
Like 12 years ago, I was working in a small town computer store.
One day, a really ugly woman came in and asked for data recovery since she could not boot up her PC anymore.
We recovered her data, and just to make sure it was all "working", we randomly checked a few directories for files.
We have found some photos of her.
Her and a bottle of Coke.
Let me put it this way: she loves coke bottles. A lot.
There are things that can't be unseen, and moments you still remember after 12 years. Like the moment she came in to get her stuff - and you need to pretend to be all business while you're almost pissing your pants.
Good days :)7 -
The problem with my life is acceptance from others. Validation (almost wrote vladiation).
For instance, I finished my course in Advanced Java Programming a few days ago. Supposed to be a year course or some shit, finished it in two months. They told me I don't need to go to the remainder classes and I could write the examination. Got the certifications, passed with flying colours.
Well done me? No, fuck you me. "It's not through Oracle, so it's completely useless. Har har you wasted your measly salary on a course and it means nothing". You know what? Fuck you and fuck validation. I will validate myself from now on.
Anywhom, what a start to a shitty rant. Let's go over some generic points so I can finally make my avatar.
IE can suck a duck ("oooh you made it and it runs fine in every fucking browser except fucking IE - slow clap).
Chrome RAM usage can suck a duck, two times. (just generic post, don't actually give a shit - I use Firefox).
People who can't use one fucking indentation standard ("oooh two spaces, oooh three spaces, oooooh a fucking tab button... " etc) can fuck off.
That fucker who came and converted my buildings in Age of Empires with the "wolololo" priest can fuck off too.
Been reading through devRant and you know what? You guys are pretty cool5 -
I'm pissed at my cousin who's studying IT at the moment. He wants to copy my thesis project(from 3 years ago) and make it his own for his thesis project this year. Like woah dude! Can't you be creative, work hard, and make a project of your own because that's for your own good? And don't you dare bring up the "I'm your cousin, pretty please"-card up! He also wants me to lie if his professor contacts me and tell that he was part of the project. Are you effin' kidding me? You didn't know how to code 3 years ago! How would you expect me to tell your prof that you were part of the team? I just gave him the documentation(without the source code) and I said I lost the apk. That's just how far I can go for someone like that 😕9
-
Senior Dev: "-bleep- I hate Javascript. It is such a pain to have to debug in Chrome"
Mgr: "Why are you 'having to' debug in Chrome?"
-in an almost 'you didn't know?' condensing tone -
Senior Dev: "Because you can't debug Javascript in Visual Studio."
Me: "Umm...pretty sure you can."
Senior Dev: "No, its impossible. I have to make a simple change in Visual Studio, save it, deploy all the files to the server, restart IIS, open up Chrome and use it's developer tools to find bugs. -bleep- Javascript sucks sooo bad."
-I do a quick search on stackoverflow-
Me: "No, I'm looking right at it on stackoverflow. You can debug Javascript in visual studio just like anything else."
- Mgr looks over and smiles, not trying to laugh -
Senior Dev: "Hey, did you watch that scene in Stranger Things...man thats a good show ..."
- other devs jump in to comment about the show, completely dismissing the VS/Javascript conversation -
Not sure WTF just happened.9 -
QA: When I open the app I get this strange error message that includes "No data connection could be established" near the start of it.
Me: I'll clean up how thats displayed, but the error means your phone doesn't have internet connection.
QA: No that can't be it, I do.
Me: You screenshot shows no WiFi or 3g / 4g symbols.
QA: No those are never there, please investigate.
Me: I have investigated and found that every other one of your screenshots had a WiFi or a 3g symbol. Example: <link>. Please check your connection and try again, i'll clean up the error display.
PM: Oh i've had an issue something like this before. We really need to show users an error screen. We can't just leave them on this screen with no error message at all.
Me: ... we have an error, thats what QA is complaining about, its not loading the text and displaying the error object.
Anyone else want to not pay attention and complain about something else that doesn't make sense? ... no? ... ok good, back to work then7 -
Client: "We don't want line breaks in that column make it 500px wide!"
Me: Makes the column 500px wide. Sees that the line breaks are still there. Asks if it should be made wider to fit the text.
Client: "Just implement what we send you"
Me: Ok (thinking wtf)
Client after testing: "Why are there still line breaks?!?"
🙄😥😤😭
Why the actual hell can't they get there freaking requirements in order?!? This shit happens with every fourth request!10 -
"I can't work, my new computer is so slow. Please make it faster!"
I can't and won't make your computer faster, because you bought it yourself eventhough you said I should send you an estimate for a new one.
And the fucking software you complain about being slow is none of ours and neither did we install it you crackhead.
By the hammer of Thor, don't ever fucking call me again you shitpiece!
Next time you ask me for an estimate, I will give you my stump two-sided axe through your head while laughing hysterically.1 -
I'm working on a project with a teacher to overview the project at my school to be responsible for the confidential student data...
Teacher: How are we going to authenticate the kiosk machines so people don't need a login?
Me: Well we can use a unique URL for the app and that will put an authorized cookie on the machine as well as local IP whitelisting.
Teacher: ok but can't we just put a secret key in a text file on the C drive and access it with JavaScript?
Me: well JavaScript can't access your drive it's a part of the security protocol built into chrome...
Teacher: well that seems silly! There must be a way.
Me: Nope definately not. Let's just make a fancy shortcut?
Teacher: Alright you do that for now until I find a way to access that file.
I want to quit this project so bad4 -
2AM and a birthday party of my BELOVED mother that I have to attend tomorrow in the middle of bumfuck. And I'm not sleeping, oh no.. because "family obligations" require me to get her a present on 2 days notice. I'm making her something very simple, some LED's displaying her new age, powered by a lithium cell and some charge-boost-protection controller. So I need to make a mesh to place the LED's to make those characters.
Measuring the size of the project box, cut it out.. started drawing the numbers on it. Not satisfied and ain't nobody got time for that. Guess I'll just print something out. Drew a little image with some text on my tablet, sent it to the printer. Black apparently doesn't want to print anymore even though it's still fucking full.
HP YOU CERTIFIED MOTHERFUCKERS!!! How fucking difficult can it be to make a printer and make it into something that doesn't shit on me every fucking time I want to use it?! Why do I have to deal with your shit, on top of my mother's?! WHY?!!!!
Fuck me. Happy birthday to my mother, and silently I wish that it's her last one. The bitch wouldn't - no she didn't - piss on me even when I was on fire!! Where were you "dear family member" when I was homeless, huh?! WHERE WERE YOU, WHEN I STOOD ON TOP OF A BRIDGE, READY TO END MY LIFE AND BEGGED TO YOU TO ALLOW ME TO STAY IN YOUR HOME FOR THE NIGHT?! Mother my fucking ass. A blood bond that I wish I never had! And that I have to work for now, because you fucking bitch can't even possibly think as far into the future as to invite your peers for a birthday party.. I dunno, maybe a week in advance, like a sensible human being would? At least she's improving, my little sister's and brother's birthdays she just invited me for the day before. And I also had to get a present ready for, in the middle of the fucking night. Fucking hell!!!12 -
Been reading devrant posts for a month or so, this is my first actual post. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic. ☺️ I need something to keep me from killing my boss when I see him again tomorrow..
Some backstory: Currently working in HR for the last 7 or so years with complete shit for brains boss, even worse when it comes to anything related to technology. For almost two years I've been working to get another bachelor's degree. This time in computer sciences, to make a career switch to systems and software engineer. Last week I roughly had the following wonderful conversation:
Boss: we've needed new Recruitment software for a while now. Can't you make us one as a school project?
Me: 'Make us one?' It's not really that simple.. I'm barely halfway through my education, maybe I could do it, but it would take me quite a long time even if I could work on it fulltime.. Combining a halftime job with a fulltime education is taking up enough of my time as it is and I have more than enough school projects btw..
Boss: it would be a win-win. Work a little harder in your spare time and when you graduate you have a real-life project on your resume.
Me: I'm sorry, i'm failing to see the 'win' for me here.. I work 10 hours a day, 7 days a week on average, trying to combine work and studies. I'm pretty much maxed out..
Boss: Your coworker(also extreme dumbass) told me you wrote some quick code the other day that helped him out. Don't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you can do this.
Me(in complete disbelief by now): I wrote him an Excel-macro! They don't even teach me that at school. It's a very very very long way from actual software development! I'm sorry, it just can't be done.
Boss: Thats too bad. I expected you to welcome an opportunity like this and be more motivated towards this company..
Me: ***more disbelief and silence, just staring at him***
I'm sorry you feel that way.
***walked away***
WTF, I work my ass off for 7 years for this fucking shithead.. Even before I started this bachelors degree I had at least some understanding of the work developers put in their software. It blows my mind, no, it fucking angers me how people think making software is so simple.. Why do you think it's a 3-year education you fucking cunt?
Please, someone tell me how I can keep myself from ramming his fucking head through a wall tomorrow...6 -
My last special snowflakes teacher story. This happend last Friday.
Background: we had to do a "little" project in less than 2 weeks (i ranted about that) and got our degree on Friday. I did a perfectly fine meal suggester, with in my opinion one of the best codes i've ever written.
After getting my degree (which is totally fine and qualifies me as IT technician/ "staatlich geprüfte Informationstechnische Assistentin") i asked him what my grade for the project was.
Me: what was my grade for the project again?
Him: i left it at 90%
Me: why exactly? You seemed to be really excited and liked it obviously. And there was no critique from you after my presentation.
Him: yadda yadda. I can't give you more. Yadda yadda be happy i didn't lower your grade.
Me: why would you lower my grade? This doesn't make sense at all. I matched all your criteria. You wanted a program everyone loved, everyone wanted to buy. There you go. I made exactly that.
Him: i can't give you a 1 (equals an A)
Me: why not?
Him: you wrote to much. I didn't want so much (he never specified a maximum). And you used to advanced code. And there were so many lists and ref - methods. The class couldn't benefit from it.
Me: Excuse me!? The only "advanced code" i used was a sqlite library. And i explained what i did with that. What do you mean by "so many lists" and ref-menthodes. In which methodes am i using ref?
Him: I don't know, i just skimmed through the code.
Me, internal: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?
Me: so you are telling me, you didn't even read my code fully and think it is too advanced for the class? And because of that you give a 2 (equals a B)?
Him: yes
I just gave him a deathstare and left after that. What the hell. Yes, i used encapsulation - which is something we hadn't done much in class. But the code is still not more advanced because i use more files -.-16 -
New to this but here's my rant I suppose. It bothers me how "non-tech" people kind of devalue what tech people do. Like they have zero understanding of it, so you make something in 30 minutes or an hour that took years of building said skills and involved complex logic and understanding of relational data and because it only took you 30 minutes or an hour it must have been "easy". Or the way you are everybody's free tech advisor with family and friends... And things are said like "I'm not good with this stuff, but you're so good with it". For the record nobody is just "great" at technology or coding from birth its been a 2+ decade craft that I've experimented with and learned and put effort into. So taking into consideration all this effort I have put in to understand all this you say you'll never remember to push that button so you'll just ask me again when the problem arises. Yes because its so fun for me to constantly maintain your electronics because you can't bother to remember to push a button.5
-
$work: Ey @Root, make this super simple thing.
$work: No, not like that.
$work: It also needs to do A, B, and C.
$work: No, not there. You should build it somewhere else, but I won't tell you where.
$work: You need to build out F and G, too.
$work: What do you mean you don't have the data? Just ask support drone #3. (who directs me to #2, and that one to #8 who doesn't know, and that one to #12 who won't answer)
$work: Why can't I do K, Y, or S? You should be able to infer these from the mind of whoever wrote the ticket by its wording, despite no mention of them whatsoever.
$work: Are you done yet? It's a super simple ask!7 -
Fuck off cancerous piece of shit on stackoverflow whose dick is an obvious inverse proposition to ego and incapablility to read.
I asked if there's "clean" way, of doing something. I provided my solution to the problem
Your answer and coments make it pretty obvious that you:
* don't really care about (code) quality
* value your reputation just as much as some teen on facebook sucking cook for likes or whatever they use now
* downvoted my question because you can't handle critique in the slightest
* You immediately replied with "but op said..." even though I am the fucking op and if I say _imo_ a fucking for-loop within function is less readable than 3 chained function-calls it and does not include the feature I asked for, it means you have to justify your answer and not get triggered and downvote my fucking question.
After I confronted him about this shit he just said "If you had studied the language for more than 10 minutes you would have known than you can't do that."
And if you had some a basic reading skill you could improve my workaround or tell me just that, instead of providing me with that useless information you vomited out just to get some ez SO reputation.
Piece of shit didn't even deny the anyyhing.
Shove a vibrator up your ass until it arrives at your skull and activate it. Maybe that will stimulate your brain or hopefully upgrade it.
I don't care how much "reputition" you may have "earned" on the internet. I am not afraid to call your bullshit or your sheer pathetic existence out.
People like this are are the reason SO gets so much hsge and even tough I got an improved version for my workaround (from an other user), I'm nowhere near happiness.
Note, the Useful-to-retarded-ratio is
1: 3rant i want to punch prople over the internet stackoverflow is being a downvote bitch waste of oxygen8 -
The education system is a fucking joke. How do you get through all the required courses and get to the capstone course where your one goal is to build a simple prototype of a project(like a simple website) for a real world client and not know HTML or CSS when you spent a whole fuckboy semester on a class dedicated to HTML, css, JavaScript and the teacher gave you the PHP. Not only that but you can't even figure out how to use a simple google search to look up the documentation on any of these topics or even the easy to follow tutorials littering the internet on how to use Bootstrap which is what we're fucking using to make it faster to develop the core logic of our app but all you fucking want to do is take shortcuts and create a PowerPoint presentation in google slides and make an easy project look like shit and make me and yourselves look like shit. But don't fucking worry, I'll code the whole thing in a fucking night because you didn't do your part of taking care of just the front end and planned for your incompetence and lack of questions or help. I know you're busy looking for a job for after you graduate but you can't even answer a simple programming question. Let me give you the solution on how to reverse a string, cuz you don't remember c# but it literally takes 30 seconds to google the solution that is everywhere. My project team is why no one takes a degree from this university seriously.9
-
I reversed engineered the network protocol for a game.
I uploaded the source code to GitHub and made a post on UC Forums.
I kept getting bombarded with messages from the same person, it went something like this:
Him: "I can't get this hack to work, pls send finish hack, thanks"
Me: "First of all this is not a complete hack. You actually need to know how to code to use this library."
Guy: "Ok, can u help me make hack for game?"
To keep this short, I basically told him:
"No. Look through the code, learn it, use what you learned."
Couple of hours later he replied:
"Ok. I look through code but don't know how work. Send me code pls."
From the kindness of my heart I made a extremely simplified wrapper for the already simple code and sent him the project files.
He replies with: "Thank for hack, I not able make it work. I build I try inject game but no work. How to run dll file."
At that point I gave up...3 -
Fellow Dev: the clients are requesting a gallery on their website with functioning modals.
Me: okay cool
So for the record, I'm new to front-end and I've got quite a lot to learn in JavaScript.
*I googled as much as I could and I made a proper functioning gallery in 2 full days of coding*
Him: okay, so this is great but they aren't really digging it.
Me: *sigh* yes, so what do they want?
Him: have you seen how an image opens in Google images? Like you click on one, the image opens while the rest of the content shifts down?
Me: um... Yeah?
Him: yeah, so they want that.
Me: ... *Scoops the web trying to figure out how Google does it*. Dude, I can't find anything close to it and I've still got a lot to learn. Idk how to do it.
Him: well, you're being paid for that. So, you better do it.
Me: 1000Rs ( approx. 14.58$ ) isn't called "being paid". Gimme a break here.
Him: You're a novice rn.
Me: why don't you do it?
Him: I'm your boss.
*Sigh* (he indeed is my boss)
Him: deal with it.
Me: FU........C.....*suddenly I realized how it's done* OH OH OH OH I just got it, I just got it!
(I actually make something like that)
*Lol yay*
That's just my best story of a fight. Lol.5 -
Worst code review experience?
Hard to pick just one, but most were in a big meeting room with 4+ other developers not related to the project and with some playing Monday-Morning-Quarterback instead of offering productive feedback.
In one code review, the department mgr reviewed the code from a third party component library.
<brings up the code on the big screen>
Mgr: "I can't read any of this, its a mix of English and something else."
Me: "Its German."
Mgr: "Then why is 'Button' in English? This code is a mess."
Me: "I'm not exactly sure how I should respond, I mean, I didn't write any of this code."
Mgr: "Yes, but you are using it, so it's fair game for a code review."
Me: "Its not really open source, but we can make requests if you found something that needs to be addressed."
Mgr: "Oh yes, all this...whatever this is..<pointing again to the German>"
Me: "I don't think they will change their code to English just so you can read it."
Mgr: "We paid good money, you bet your ass they'll change it!"
Me: "I think the components were like $30 for the unlimited license. They'll tell us to go to hell first. Is there something about my code you want to talk about?"
Mgr: "<Ugggh>...I guess not, I couldn't get past all that German. Why didn't we go with an American company? Hell, why didn't we just write these components ourselves!?"
Me: "Because you gave a directive that if we found components that saved us time, to put in a request, and you approved the request. The company is American, they probably outsourced or hired German developers. I don't know and not sure why we care."
Mgr: "Security! What if they are sending keystrokes back to their servers!"
Me: "Did you see any http or any network access?"
Mgr: "How could I? The code is in German!"
Monday-Morning-Quarterback1: "If it were me, I would have written the components myself and moved on"
Me: "No, I don't think you could for less than $30"
Monday-Morning-Quarterback2: "Meh...we get paid anyway. Just add the time to the estimate."
Mgr: "Exactly! Why do we even have developers who can't read this mess."
Me: "Oh good Lord! Did anyone review or even look at my code for this review!?"
<silence>
Mgr: "Oh...ok...I guess we're done here. Thanks everyone."
<everyone starts to leave>
Me: "Whoa!...wait a sec..am I supposed to do something?"
Mgr: "Get that company to write their code in English so we can read it. You have their number, call em'...no...wait...give me their number. You keep working, I'll take care of this personally"
In they nicest way possible, the company did tell him to go to hell.18 -
Have you read the devRant update? @dfox and @trogus have done an amazing job of building a great community, keeping us informed of upcoming features AND asking for our input.
The upcoming features are 10x.
I can't wait for the store to open. Please tell me killer polo shirts and unique gifts just for devs make in before the holidays. Sending my wife up to buy me stuff.
All I can say is thanks to the devRant team and all of the community for the informative, funny and get it off my chest rants. I start and end my day with devRant and enjoy every rant.2 -
Agile in practice.
I finished my story with 3 days left in our 2 week sprint.
Me: What story should I pull in next?
PM: Story <number> to add <new feature>
Me: ok, sounds good
PM: Will you finish it before our sprint ends?
Me: No, probably will take me 5-7 days.
PM: But it can't spill over, it will make our metrics look bad.
Me: I can't finish it in 3 days.
PM: ....
Me: Can't you just explain the spillover as us working ahead?
PM: It will look bad on our <automated-report>
Me: ....
Me: So don't want me to get started on <new feature>?
PM: ....
Me: <internally sighing> What do you want me to do?
PM: Maybe you can pair program with <Overpaid-Idiot-Programmer> to help finish their story
Me: ....
Me: feelsbadman.jpg14 -
Ahem ahem.
*clears throat*
Front end bois, listen that carefully.
YOU DONT FUCKIN TELL THE BACKEND HOW TO ACCEPT REQUESTS.
Backend creates the fuckin methods, the parameters and the responses, AND YOU FUCKIN ADAPT TO IT.
This guy at my work, we are both from Uni but i picked backend because i suck at frontend and i like using backend languages, sends me a message and tells me he can't make the project work.
At this time i have almost finished my part, i have made the method, have checked that they work, and i closed the work computer.
And now he tells me he wants to make a GET request instead of POST. LISTEN HERE MOTHERFUCKER. The methods are ready, adapt to them and shut the fuck up.
And before you tell me some methods don't work, make fuckin sure your part is correct because if i boot up the work laptop again to check why the method you have told me doesn't work, and it still does the job it was intented to do but you can't fix your part, i will fuckin cut your throat.
Sucker.
I do my part, and have to study for uni exams, since you don't have to because you have passed them, do your self a favor and fuckin learn to do things.
It's not my fault that i got experience on my own while you were just only doing our uni retarded projects and didn't bother to learn anything on your own.
I don't mean by any needs that i'm better than you but fuckin accept that i have learned something else that you have not and i would like to share the knowledge with you since you didn't bother.14 -
A person just bought a 3000€ workstation and asked me to install cracked versions of Office, AutoCAD, full Adobe suite and Rhino with plugins. And he's going to use them at work to make money.
So, since I have to, I installed 2-3 years old versions of each, in English (he only knows Italian) and blocked all the connections so he can't receive any update/fix or use web related functionalities. I also disabled all autostarting components and contextual menu / OS integrations (although this can be seen as a plus).
When he's calling me asking to "fix" things, I will simply say "sorry, it's the only way for the crack to work, if you want everything you'd better pay for a license or else go open source".
Why can't people understand the value of the complex software they use? Just because it's not a material thing doesn't mean it's not a steal43 -
At my fucking wits end, but coding will help me prevail.
Got kicked out my apartment because I couldn't make the payment. Fucking job I have is fucking useless (dev and administrator) in terms of pay. They basically have me by the balls. Can't leave because I need the money, need to leave because I need more money.
Fuck it. Tired of eating noodles and ramen. Tired of being fucked around like this. Paying for my own studies has fucked me harder than a bottle of tequila and a casino trip.
But I shall code, and I shall code until I prevail.
To the place I work for, fuck you (not being unfair, I earn less than the receptionist and I have a degree, a plethora of certs, and a few years exp). My time will come, and when it does, I'll come out on top.
Until then, I rant and code.8 -
After 16 years of porn addiction, I've finally realized that the only way to stop any addiction, is to take control of your mind. Nobody can help you, except make you realize the source of the problem or factors that cause it.
It's strange to describe how the mind works, sometimes we need stuff in our lives because we need to spend time on something to avoid the emptiness.
Free yourself from the things you love the most, in my case I love playing video games, it helps me feel complete, but in all honesty, I don't need it. I like drinking energy drinks, but in the end, I don't need that too.
My point is that once you find a way to deal with the things you can't live without, you find a way to live with it.
The only reason I watch porn is to reduce stress or have something "fun" to do.
As Bruce Lee once said: Be formless, be shapeless, be water my friend.
I like to think that he means to let the urge flow within you, but don't let it control you.18 -
!rant
http://www.howmuchtomakeanapp.com
This site will save you hours of explaining how you can't make every "awesome app idé" that people have!
(Thank me with a stress ball of stress I just saved you 😇)9 -
I'm currently looking for an internship related to machine learning (finishing my Msc).
WHY ON EARTH ARE ALL (or at least 80%) INTERNSHIPS PROPOSALS ABOUT BANKS, FINTECH, INSURANCES AND SO ON ?
I mean, we can now create music, identify tumerous cells, generate realistic pictures of anything you could dream of, drive cars without human interaction, create amazing chatbots... But no, I guess all that shit can't make enough money, better work on a system that will refuse you a loan.
Makes me really sad. I mean whats the point of studying the coolest techs around if it is not for the greater good ?
I might be utopist though.rant i guess those tags have no limits selling your soul to the devil love you all you have no power here machine learning5 -
Salesperson makes commission on sales, CTO gets bonus for going to out of office meetings, designer gets bonus for every design finished. What does the web developer get?
Answer: "we can't afford to give out bonuses just for doing your job."
There are 10 websites to build in the next 6 months, 3 brand new offices in different states that need it equipment ordered and installed by me, and the other 160 clients who all think their edits are most important.
And to top it all off, every time I give an estimate for the work, boss says "just give it to them." Gee, maybe you could afford to pay me a living wage or incentivize me to keep working 6+ hours a night at home if you stopped giving away everything I build for free.
You lower the value of my work and every other web developer out there when you tell clients that the website I built them isn't worth paying for. If every one of the free sites on my list was just charged the minimum $10k, I'm looking at $200k on this board that could have been used to hire me some help or increase my pay to make me feel appreciated.
I love my job and the people I work with, but when you aren't making enough to pay the bills and you work 70+ hours a week something has to change.8 -
Is it normal for a dad to jump into his son's decisions?
Recently he accepted a job offer that was directed to me. I got mad and asked why on earth he would do that.
He provocatively answered "Who are you to make this decision? I'm allowed to decide over you! Don't be so disrespectful towards your dad!".
If he was not my dad, I would have beaten the shit out of him.
PS: I'm still in college that's why I can't leave atm.20 -
I was getting a freelancer job to do some backend work for a company in India that is working for a huge company in Saudi Arabia.
The customer in india was my primary contact, I wasn't allowed to talk to the guys in Saudi Arabia. My contact, we'll call him Aman, asks if i can do frontend too. I decline. Now what follows were 4 weeks of backend work during which Aman called me 10-15 times per day via skype to ask me how I was progressing, and if "insert spec here" was already done. He even called me in the middle of the night, well aware of the different time zones.
But in the end all the work is done, Aman is happy. I request payment.
Aman: We can't pay you yet, you didn't do the frontend!
Me: I'm not doing frontend.
Aman: It's just a few simple changes and then we're done.
Me: Gnnn, fuck it, what do you need?
Aman: Our customer would like the frontend to look better.
Me: Ok, so what exactly should look better?
Aman: All of it.
Me: Do you have any specs?
Aman: No just make it look more modern.
Me: So you want me to rework the whole frontend? That's not just a few simple changes...
Aman: How long would you need?
Me: I actually don't do that kind of work.
Aman: We pay you double your hourly rate if you do this and finish it fast.
(This is were I should have just said no... but the greed...)
Me: Ok, but it will take me about 3 weeks to do that.
Aman: OK.
Me: Do you have any preferences as to how it should look?
Aman: No, just surprise us.
(After this sentence I really should have gotten the hell out of Dodge)
After working 3 weeks changing over 20.000 lines of CSS and most of the HTML I present Aman with the changes.
Aman: No our customer doesn't like the changes. Can you make a different version?
Me: What doesn't he like, any specifics, coloring, styling of lists or the buttons?
Aman: He doesn't like the whole thing. Please make us another version.
Me: Ok, you are the customer, but it would really help if you give me some pointers as to how it should look like.
Aman: Just do your best.
Me: ..., ok, that's helpful.
2 weeks later...
Aman: No our customer liked the version before better. But could you make it look more modern.
Me: *Bangs head against wall repeatedly*
Me: What do you mean by modern?
Aman: It should look more modern, as a whole.
Me: Ok, I get that, but could you give me an example?
Aman: Sends me a screenshot of the overview screen with all the elements encircled and modern written beside them.
1 week later...
Aman: The customer has decided, he likes the original version best. Can you undo all the changes?
Me: Sure but that'll take like 1 hour.
Aman: Oh by the way we were asked by accounting why the price for this project was so high?
Me: *hugh* *gnn* what?
Aman: Well at the beginning, you estimated the backend and frontend work to be done in 4 weeks.
Me: The frontend was never part of the original estimate.
Aman: Can you do anything concerning your hourly rate, so that we can get back to the original pricing.
Me: *make a mental note to never work with an intermediary company in india again and cancels the job requesting the due payment*
Luckily I got paid the full amount but not before having another 10 Skype call with Aman...17 -
Most horrible part of my life:
Boss: Hey J make an android app where people can access my website.
J: Why not just use the browser on your phone?
Boss: Because I said so.
J: Ok, you want me to make an android app for your website whilst editing photos and videos for you? Can't you get someone else to do it?
Boss: Just get it done.10 -
Hello "friend", whom I haven't seen or talked to in years. How have you been? Please don't mind me, my life is boring as shit and nothing happened to me since. Yes, I'd gladly make an app for your company because you agreed to do it but apparently you lack the skills. Oh, you've been fucking around for a month doing nothing? That's sad but sure, I can do it by Sunday, I don't have plans for the weekend anyway. You say you can't pay me more than what I earn in six hours doing my day job? And your boss should think you did it all by yourself? Well, let me consider this cool little opportunity. I'll be in touch, talk to you "soon"!1
-
!dev
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
My Mother was intelligent enough to get her phone stolen and screams at me over the phone of my brother why I can't do more than telling her the last known location
BECAUSE THEY SHUT IT DOWN
I CAN'T DO SHIT WITHOUT THE PHONE HAVING AN INTERNET CONNECTION
But what if they go through my files go into my bank account
THEY CAN'T BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PASSWORD ON IT
but they could crack it or something
NO THEY CAN'T WITHOUT TRYING FOR MONTHS OR YEARS OF POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS
but
NO BUT JUST FUCKING CALM DOWN IF THEY AREN'T THAT BAD THEN THEY WILL CALL ME IF THEY ARE ASSHOLES THEY NEED AT LEAST MAKE A FACTORY RESET AND DELETE ALL YOUR FILES
I CAN'T DO MORE THAN THIS SO FUCKING SHUT UP AND DON'T LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT A FUCKING WAITING ROOM AND DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING ON THE FUCKING INTERNET ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK
Thanks know I can't concentrate anymore........5 -
Today I got a standing aviation by panel in my final year projects presentation. It was such an emotional moment and I went numb. I don't have an impressive grades so it meant a lot to me. I just wanted to share this somewhere please bear with me.
And to anyone out there who think that they can't make it, please just keep going. I just want to say, make your journey beautiful. If you love doing it, you won't care to reach some destination.17 -
Watching some Talent-Show with my family. There is this 16-years old pretty good singing boy. My father looks at me and you can read from his face: "Why can't you do sth. like this ?"
The next day I show him some really good webapps and games I made and he just says "Well, I don't care until you make money with this."
...
...9 -
*gets countless amounts of shit with Windows because of my "nonstandard use"*
WanBLowS fanbois: "Cheap hardware!! Hardware error!! Unstable drivers!!! Can't be anything else, this OS is rock solid."
I really wish that I had your ignorance. I know when I see a shitty OS in front of me. And mind you, it actually ran Linux a while back.. just that I couldn't use my Nvidia GPU in it and had to compile a kernel with all of that crap excluded to make it work decently.. fuck Nvidia. And you know what, it actually did run fucking rock solid!!! But over time I lost the config and X.org doesn't like my dualhead setup all that much, especially the ultrawide display.
So, how about we address this issue for what it is already. THE OS FUCKING SUCKS!!!21 -
We were already working overtime all Saturday. Boss came in the evening to demand some ridiculous shit. Me and senior dev agree it's ridiculous. It's already 1 am Sunday. I already explained to him why it doesn't make sense so he suggest more changes that doesn't even solve his initial problem. He asks me if I can do it by Monday morning. I can't. He suggested way too many breaking changes that I don't even agree with and I have to sleep like a normal human being.
I shit you not, he says he will do it himself. This guy barely even codes and has never seen a single line of code for this project. I didn't stop him. I went home and slept.
End of rant.8 -
Just give me a link to the web font man. Oh, there isn't one? You used a font that we can't legally use? Do you understand how that works? I don't want your 300MB photoshop document. I don't want to comb through your ridiculous stack of insane layers and artboards and deal with the images you didn't bundle into the project or try and make sense out of your arbitrary spacing and random font sizes. You're not an artist, you're just a crappy visual designer handing off an unthoughtful glorified wire-frame - and now I have to sort out all the things that you were paid to do. It's really easy. 1. Pick a color, 2. Pick 2 fonts that are legal and available to use on the web, 3. build a few patterns for font sizes and weights - write them down. 4. Pick your images. Make them double the size you expect them to be on the site + put them in a folder, 5. add readme and list the font patterns and the link to the webfont, 6. quickly scribble the wire-frame out, 7. take a photo of it, 8. put it all in a folder and send it to me.4
-
Manager: "<third-party vr app> isn't working. Think you could fix it by tomorrow?"
Me: "I can't fix it without the source code."
Manager: "Didn't you install it?"
Me: "I did, but I'd need <third-party>'s source code if you want me to make changes and that problem would probably take at least a day to fix."
Manager: "Can't believe you don't have the source code. Aren't you supposed to have your code available?"
(Just....)18 -
You fucking son of a bitch!
First you make me do a project in two fucking months, and that's a fucking job-load for only one dev to deliver a SPA with payments and whatsoever.
Then you pushed me to accelerate deployment date and there I am, getting tired and using time I don't have.
But oh no, you prick, that wasn't enough, you had to do just one thing. YOU HAD TO DO ONE FUCKING THING!
What's that? Oh, sorry, I thought I overheard that you wanted to accept online payments but YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SIGNED UP, YOUR BUSSINESS IS NOT LEGAL UNTIL YOU REGISTER IT.
Motherfucker, I can't do anything, you better fucking register your bussiness if you want this to work the way it's supposed to do. -
FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP
WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?
LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP
SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT
ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME
GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.
FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?
FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY10 -
My first performance review as a graduate:
Boss: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
Me: "ok whatever, what can I do to get the rating I'm suppose to get?"
B: *lists job description of a senior developer* ... "Interview candidates, mentor juniors, start a project and make me profit"
Me: (if I can do that as a graduate, what am I doing here?)
My last performance review at the same company:
B: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
M: "ok what can I do to improve?"
B: *lists everything I did before the first performance review that wasn't expected of me*
M: (LoL funny, I just wanted to hear your response because I know you'd forget about the first review. Another reason to validate my resignation) -
As a junior developer, your primary goal should be to learn and absorb as much as you can, not to try to make a name for yourself. It's all too common that I see devs fresh out of college with this amazing gung ho attitude that quickly devolves into needing to feel like the smartest person in the room.
This leads to an unnaturally inflated ego, a feeling of self importance, and blocks you from truly understanding what is going on in the stack in front of you.
That's not to say you can't try to take on difficult tasks, just be humble and ask for help when you need it, and don't make assumptions that might lead to rework later.
I would much rather you ask me a question then put up a PR that has wildly different assumptions because you didn't fully understand the acceptance criteria of a particular task.
tl;dr - sit down, shut up, do your job, learn what you can as fast as you can.
Sincerely,
A very fed up Senior Dev5 -
I hate when someone throws at me some task all of sudden with a tight deadline.
Wednesday was one of those days.
manager: we want to remove all the offices because of our tight budget this year (multimillionaire company, lol), everyone will use office 365;
me: ahn... ok, but everything was already tested? Some macros, routines, old documents can be a big problem, as far I know (I don't use M$ at home, servers are Linux, so I really don't know about that). I can do some tests, only will need some real documents to make sure everything will do fine;
manager: yeah, yeah, everything will be fine, the high management already decided, don't worry, just remove the offices in the company, ok?;
me: alright...
*me deploys the remotion script in every f*cking machine*
48 hours later...
manager: well... everyone is complaining about the office 365, random complains, can you attend all the calls and reinstall if you can't solve the problem?
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!
[RAGES INTERNALLY]5 -
Everytime I hear "there's a problem" in my office I cringe so bad I have the impression I'm making holes in my teeth.
I hate this "janitor" / "plumber" role I have here, so insulting in terms of brain power.
** randomly codes something **
** colleague breaks silence **
C: Phlisg? There's a problem.
Me: what now?
C: Well when I enter a title that is 500+ characters for my blog post, it breaks the layout.
Me: obviously the title is too long. Shorten it.
C: I can't because [reasons] (unfortunately true reasons)
Me: ** deep sigh ** yeah, will look at it... ** proceeds to hide anything longer than 10 characters **
C: perfect!
--- 3 days later
C: Phlisg? there's a problem.
Me: mh?
C: the text is too short, can you make it longer
Me: ** FFS ** guys, you should've asked for a "Word-type" website if you just wanted to do any kind of layout. No, can't, sorry. Choose either between broken layout or shortening your damn text.
-- 1hr later, pm comes in
PM: Text is too short
Me: Yep. Any longer will break everything visually
PM: can't you fix this?
Me: Yes I can, but it'll be a whole CSS revamp because it was not MEANT that texts should be so long.
PM: How many hours?
Me: ** overestimating ** 10 hours (2.2 days of work)
PM: nah, okay, just add it as a side project
** me, inside : WOW, WHAT A FUN PROJECT OMG **10 -
Ooh man, I'm so fucking pissed with these shit MBA fucks who think they know everything about everything about everything but can't even tell the difference between pastry and shit until they dig their mouth into it.
Dick heads want to micromanage me to a point where I don't even have to think.
*Make the button green.*
But that does not follow any design principles.
*We have business research which says so*
What.
Such bullshit, I don't even wanna argue anymore. But man, it's so tough to make something which goes against every principle of what you have ever learnt. I mean, I'm coding it, and my brain refuses to help because the idea is soo bad. God I'm soo frustrated.5 -
Dad: And what do you code?
Me: Websites, some useful desktop applications and some Android apps.
Dad: Why didn't I notice them?
Me: Because I am not making money with it and can't afford advertising.
Dad: Then make money with it.
Me: ...1 -
Co-worker - "We need to have this added just like this, you should be able to do that right, it looks easy"
Me - "HA we'd have to redesign the whole architecture to make that work, and you still can't even figure out how to take a screenshot after I've showed you 20 times, so maybe don't tell me how easy something does or doesn't look"3 -
Met colleague at work
Him: You programmers don't like sleeping at all. You should try to sleep and look fresh like me ... Blah blah blah... (You get the picture)
Me: *just smiles and watch him go*
(But what I really wanted to say)
Me: 'Well you know what, most programmers don't sleep much not because sleep deprivation is fun or we're in some kind of cult where it's some daily ritual. But when they need to send in an update; usually on a feature to make YOUR life easier OR just can't seem get their code to run right, and they keep telling themselves; "5 more minutes", "I have a good feeling about this modification" the minutes add up and before you realize it morning! And that's why some of us look like s*** in the morning'
(And then turn around to leave only to come back really quick like I just remembered something)
Me (again): "And don't think that we enjoy it. At least the ones I know don't. It's simply a fr****** work hazard!"5 -
Dear Product Owners,
If you tell me how I need to architect my software again I'm going to ask you to provide a network topology of the architecture you want me to build.
I'll also need you to request the new servers, work with the ops teams to setup credentials, provision the NAT, register the domains and document the routes that the proxy will need to use.
then I'll need you to hook the repo up to our non-existent pipeline so that I can make sure I won't do all that testing I already can't do.
I hope you're paying attention, because that framework you told me I needed to use is going to be a pain to setup correctly.
after you're done with that, please attach any documentation you shit out to the ticket you never created.
Enragedly yours,
Looking for a new job
PS: get fucked3 -
First (procedural) c++ lectures:
Prof: K guys, go ahead and attempt the homework
Students: sir, how can we have 1 file per exercise?
P: oh, you can't, just make one huge file with multiple functions and rename them to "main" whenever you wanna run them
Me: WHY DO I EVEN PAY FOR THIS BULLSHIT
Ps: not allowed to use classes as that's too hard...8 -
Memo on August 4th: Staff, we're moving to the new building. IT, make sure the building is ready by September 15th.
IT: But the entire networking, surveillance, fire suppression (yes, we do that too) and power management systems have to be installed/redone.
Management: What's so hard about that? Just get it done.
Memo about a week ago: Timeline for move shifted to September 9th
IT: Sir, this request is unreasonable especially since you still want us to go through the usual procurement process of hiring vendors to deal with stuff.
Management: So you mean to tell me you can't handle that in the next couple weeks?
IT: We're a large organisation with ~300 employees. The data centre in the new building isn't even usable yet.
Management: I don't care. Make sure everything is placed and operational by the 5th. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill!4 -
People that post shit like "if you believe/support x, then unfollow me" are some extremely conceited and childish morons.
For starters, surrounding yourself with only people who think just like you will make you extremely close minded, which is ironic as fuck because in my experience these people believe x and bitch at y for being close minded whenever they're just as guilty as y.
Secondly is your head that far up your own ass that you can't accept that people aren't gonna be like a flock of sheep and all believe one thing? That's the great thing about us: we're given the opportunity to have our own opinion but these retards don't like whenever people exercise that right. It's tragic how retarded some people actually are.30 -
Me: junior dev
Assignment: build a REST search service that also does (thing x)
Me: gosh I just can't figure out how to make (thing x) work! Nothing I try works and there are no online resources!
*goes to meeting with client*
Client: (thing x) is impossible in our application, so we are expecting (much more manageable thing)
Me: awesome! I think I can build that
Manager who can't code: what are you talking about, (thing x) is clearly better and it should be possible to do
Manager: *sends email outlining shifted requirements after the meeting, including (thing x)*3 -
i am fucking tired of companies that come to me expecting to magically fix their STEAMING PILE OF BULLSHIT AND TRASH CODE. how about when i ask "can i get a project brief", instead of saying "just fix it" or "it just needs to do this", GIVE ME A FUCKING COHERENT AND DESCRIPTIVE WRITEUP OF EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. i can't read your minds, let alone read the code the previous cock sucking developer wrote, so guess what? i'm left with no other option but to completely rewrite it. to top it off, instead of giving me god damn excuses as to why you can't get me the api key for your order processing, MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT AND GET IT TO ME. how the fuck do you expect me to test an application when i don't even have access to the fucking api the whole shit pile is based around? i swear to god if these people expect me to have this done by the end of the week but want to be little cunt nuggets they can go eat shit. fuck you, fuck your "contract", fuck your company, FUCK EVERYTHING. greedy, shit faced bastards2
-
Normal day with some guy that worked at the company. the guy was in his 11 month when this happened. and this was just one of so many wtf moments with him.
Me: hey man, you're gotta work with some frontend stuff, we need you to run mysql(for the backend) and apache. so install mamp, is super easy to get that working.
Me: please just donwload the pkg from this link and click `next` until finish.
Dude: okay, will do
-- some 10 minutes later. --
Dude: hey man I got a problem
Me: Whaaaat? you shouldn't, that shit never gives problem, everyone(literally) have that installed in their macs
Dude: it's true, I got an error, it says: `mamp it's not compatible with osx` ...
Me: oh man, that's so strange, mamp is likely made just for osx(and windows), and also we got all the macs with at least 1 version behind the latest osx. :(
Dude: it's true. I need help with that
-- now I go to the guy's mac and see the `error` message --
Me: hey, this says nothing like being uncompatible man, this CLEARLY says that can't be opened for *reads the error for him* . man, don't make things up, at least try to translate the error and give me the exact information of your `error`.
Dude: ...
Me: man please... I know you have your issues with the language, I do too, a LOT, but I use google translator if I can't read the shit. I can't sit here with you as your translator. -___-7 -
"As it turns out, this world isn't all that complicated. It's pretty simple actually. It's all a game, a very simple game. Of course, some will try to make it difficult. But you can handle them, I know it. I know you can!"
There's a lot of truth in that. When you get into the depths of how the world works, things turn out to be pretty simple.
One thing I cannot rationalize though. The human spirit. The desires that it embodies. I've had this question for so long - what makes us humans human?
If for example a future surgeon - able to exchange individual cells between me and you - would do so, at which point do you become me, and the other way around? 50+% exchange? But that'd mean that at least part of me is still "you". In that state, are you truly you?
Not sure what the cellular definition of an individual is, given that we're headed towards a bionic society where synthetic organs will likely become more relevant than the donated parts of me that I've recently applied as a donor for. I wholeheartedly encourage that future, but the philosophical questions that surround it become more relevant.
How about the impact of influencers on the mind? For example, I've seen the term "certified enganeers" become a trend here, which I'm very grateful for. It does raise a question though. If for example I were to die, would the term live on? And if so, is that a part of what makes me "me"? Would a part of me live on in you? Would your spirit be partially me, due to mere influence?
What makes up the human creature anyway? I think of my own body as a mere vessel for my mind, but I can't quite grasp what makes up the mind, and philosophical questions like "if I were to upload my mind to a robot and instruct it to kill me, would that carbon copy become *me*?"
The human nature is such a weird thing.. and technology doesn't make it any simpler. Is it really just a simple game, with simple rules and e.g. a biological program running inside of a biological motor? Or is there more to it?25 -
So it's 11:32,
I can't wait to go to bed, finished development for the day but then my boss sez can you make a sketch up of how the building plans for the app would look?
Me:🙂10 -
Boss, yesterday: hey, we just got you a Windows 10 machine. Test the app and make sure it works.
Me: kay. (Fast forward20 minutes) I found a hell of a bug.
Boss: what?
Me: the SA disabled scripts on the machine so I can't build.
Boss: Are you serious?
Me: yeah, and he's out until January.6 -
Reasons 1 and 2 arent that important to me. The main reason I code is #3.
1) Brain exercise. I always feel sharp after a coding session, even if it ended in disaster.
2) Lots to do! There's never a full day in code. Make your own universe, if you so desire.
3) Pride. I have a pride problem. I never felt proud of myself no matter what I do. I graduated with a melancholy feeling, same deal when getting my license, same deal when passing a test (God, glad that's over!)... But code makes me proud. I love what I make. I want to show everyone. I want to show it to everyone before it's even finished because I just can't wait. I want everyone to use it and to love it. Because I sure do, and it's the best thing ever.
I could make a viral video, produce a triple platinum record, or build a billion dollar business and still not feel the same level of genuine satisfaction and happiness that I may get from writing good code.
It always keeps me coming back. -
Ok, so I work at this "Great" company. I joined a new team recently with a project that is supposed to be a lot better than many of the other projects we have.
THESE MOTHEERRRRRFUCKERS don't even have hot reload on the app. You have to rebuild the app everytime you make a change. Are you kidding me?! We are using React. One of the basics of React is hot reload. I get into a fucking meeting and one of the devs is like, "I have one important thing to tell you, don't use hooks (a not so new feature in react yet something everyone should use at this point)" and the critical reason we don't use it is because they don't want to confuse the Java devs who are used to their little oop style o_O
Maaaan fuck your developers, it's not my fault you guys can't learn something so simple like functional programming. I haven't even started a sprint yet, I'll burn this app and make you rewrite it all.15 -
Mum: can you look at my phone?
*bunch of random shit pops up all over the place*
Me: your phones got a bunch of viruses on it or something. You'll have to get it fixed
Her: can't you do it? You make apps. Can't you just make an app for me to fix my phone?
Me: I don't really make apps, besides that's kind of impossible.
Her: so what did you go to university for?
Me: -___-2 -
Life is hard.
You are born. DNA gets determined. You go through infancy.
Puberty comes and DNA is like
"uh from now you'll pretty much have strong sexual urges, a huge desire to be sexually prolific, nothing weird like being pedo or into rape though".
me: Uh ok.
dna: oh, also, you're gonna be one of those late bloomers, you know, you talk like shit, you dress like shit, you smell like shit.
life: that's true and also you don't have anyone in your life to teach you about that shit, so forget about kissing, having sex, let alone being in a relationship for a long time.
*a lot of years go by with a lot of missed opportunities, mistakes and regrets*
life: ok, you seem to have become a decent sex partner out of a lot of scarring experiences, but there's one problem: you've fallen in love with somebody.
and you're married
and you have kids
me: well, does that mean I can't fuck other people?
life: yeah, no. I'm surprised I even have to explain that, it's called cheating. It will pretty much ruin your marriage, and fuck up your kids.
me: ok, I guess no then. I'm still fortunate enough to have sex with my wife right?
life: yeah... but you still want to fuck other people
me: what???
life: yeah, did you think that falling in love would make you not want to fuck other people? fuck no
me: ok, well I'm very grateful that I get to experience sex at all.
life: yes... there's a thing though, your partner has a much much lower libido than you.
me: ok, well maybe if I exercise and dress better that might change
life: that will definitely help, you'll feel more confident and have more stamina, but every time you retry exercising, you remember how much you hate it and how little stamina you have.
oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you had kids and work, yeah no time or energy for that.
me: ok, then should I just embrace a more liberal lifestyle, like becoming a swinger?
life: ha, fat chance, it's a very taboo thing and you're not that liberal, neither is she.
me: uhhh, i guess i can sometimes watch porn then...
life: watching porn regularly will make the only sex that you have worse, according to statistics.
me: ok, I guess I should get ripped18 -
Client: can you filter boats by location?
Me: Let me see... As you know, there are three remote systems that feed data into your database. I'd have to make a connection between the location records. But I can't rely on coordinates, name, ID or anything else. You'd have to manually create those links for me by remote systems records IDs. Telling me that record XY from system A is identical to record YX from system B, etc...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 504.
Three days later...
Client: Got it, is that enough for you in excel?
Me: Let me see... Very nice work, I can work with that.
Client: I almost died on it!
An hour later...
Me: Got it, test it and let's run it on the production version.
Client: It works beautifully.
A minute later...
Can we filter the ships by ports?
Me: Let me see... Yes, it's theoretically possible, but it's the same situation as with places...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 12,647.
Skype relayed to me the sound of something heavy falling, something grunting. Something dying.3 -
Rant!
When I'm in my "zone" working please for the love of god don't stand behind me staring at me and my screen, every time you do that you make me feel that my privacy is being raped and I can't do anything about it !!2 -
Me: I want to be a dev..
Mom: But you only sit in front of the computer to play games.
Me: That's not what I always do.
Mom: Then why are you sitting behind the computer all the time.
Me: To make software. Most of the time you clearly see me typing code.
Mom: No, I can't trust you, you play too much games. Study hard and get another job.
Me: *Middle finger behind a back.*5 -
Me: develops my first android app with firebase by google.
Me: finishes app, tests it and it works.
Firebase after 3 months: we were first going to scale our servers on our own based on how many people are simultaneously using your app. But now fuck you, we will have a cap of 100000 simultaneous users.
Me: fuck this kills my app if it scales. Have to Shard everything on the db side and overhaul the entire app to work will multiple db instances. Takes a month.
Android after 6 months: dude your app is working fine without any hiccups. Let me fuck it up. We will stop all your services when your app is not running or backgrounded. Also we will make it illegal to start services in this case and we will throw exceptions.
Me: what the actual fuck. They now want me to focus on a JobScheduler, fine... But now even intent services won't work properly. So use a job scheduler to start a JobIntentService which is essentially another job scheduler for queuing. wtf android.
Ps solved it and works again.
PS: WAITING FOR ANDROID TO FML WITH ANOTHER NEW VERSION. Maybe they'll say you can't run your app at all now4 -
"Hi can you make an app for me? I can't pay you yet but I'll give you 25% stock options. It'll take like 2 weeks right?"3
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"Knowing" Bootstrap or Foundation is not the same as knowing CSS. If you claim to know css and you can't even tell me what media query is or how to make a page even semi-responsive without a css framework, please do everyone a favor and fuck off.2
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WTF, Google?! Get your shit together!! No one wants another GUI disaster makeover which leads us from bad to worse.
Every time I log into g+ or gmail, the whole flippin GUI has changed.. OK, it might be just my taste for simplicity, but I do not think a 'better GUI' should make you feel like an ape trying to code.. :\
If people with programming skills can't use it 'out of the box' & without googling stuff like "where did you hid the new email button", how the f do other people who are IT inept supposed to use it!? OR is it just me?! If it's just me, I'll shut up and love the new GUI.. otherwise: juck!!
#itSucksToBeOnTheOtherSideOfTheCode :\9 -
You can't call me a "nut job" on Lync then five minutes later dump your fucking work experience kid on me so that I can "tell him what to type" and "let him do some of the work". I'm a paid technical intern, not your fucking babysitter, so maybe you should pay your own kid attention rather than let somebody else to do it to make you feel superior.
You know fuck all and have needed my help numerous times, and been sheepish every time I've known something you don't. If I helped you with something, say thank you and don't act like my presence perpetually pisses you off. Sit down and show me some respect, as I always have to you, or I'll report you to HR for being a demeaning twat. Your call.
Or perhaps I could have a word with the new Director you've been arse-licking. I'm sure he'd love to hear that you have been treating like shit the one guy who can save you from the shit show of having no idea how to do the task you've been set.
I know I'm an intern but come on, I could take your job tomorrow if I didn't have a degree to go back to. If you keep being a shit to people then one day I will actually do it!5 -
Never mess with a motivated developer. I will make your life difficult in return.
Me: we need server logs and stats daily for analysis
DBA: to get those, you need to open a ticket
Me: can't you just give me SFTP access and permissions to query the stats from the DB?
DBA: No.
*OK.... 🤔🤔🤔*
*Writes an Excel Template file that I basically just need to copy and paste from to create a ticket*
This process should not take me more than 2mins 👍😁😋🙂😙😙😙😙😙😙😙😙
For them.... 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈9 -
I hate white boarding sessions. They feel unnatural to me. I simply don't work well when put on the spot and I have 3 ogres staring at me waiting for me to fuck up in front of them. Fight or flight engages, the adrenaline rush, my mind freezes. Suddenly it's like I forget how to code at all and I'm expected to solve a problem at once, correctly the right time, or I'm out.
I can't work like that. I need time to process a problem on my own, with my coffee in my one hand and a pencil and scratch paper in the other, not with some demanding employer standing over my shoulder the whole time scrutinizing my every key stroke. I get things wrong the first time sometimes, and more often than not have to google things I can't recall spontaneously. But I always figure it out, test it, make sure it's right before putting it into use.
I've been through several "probationary" periods when first starting a job. They just tell you, they're giving you a month to see if you can handle the job. If not, sayonara. I don't see what's so hard about evaluating candidates in a real world scenario.
So many employers have totally unrealistic expectations.2 -
Sorry for my bad english.
So, I made an e-commerce site for a company once. It's actually just a WordPress site with that WooCommerce plugin.
After that, my dad was "advertising me (suggesting me?)" to one of his friend that I can make a website.
Then his friend called me and I asked what to do. In short, she has an online marketplace website where the users can be either a seller or a buyer (just an ordinary e-bay like site). Her site is built with PHP (codeigniter 2).
I can't make custom site that's why I'm using WordPress for my client, I'm still learning PHP right now. How do I tell my dad to not "overestimate" my ability to make sites. I already told my dad about my abilities and I'm still learning, but he keep saying that I should accept it because it will give you experiences.11 -
Stupid HTML checkboxes! It's always annoyed me that you can't just set checked to true or false, but have to remove the property altogether to uncheck a checkbox. Better still would be if you'd only need to set the value to 1 or 0, and the checked or not would sort out automatically. Yes, there are frameworks to handle it, I know. But if checkboxes had been designed right from start, a framework or any sort of special cases would not be needed. You've got love HTML, but things like this make it ugly.6
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Glad someone is suing them. Why the fuck would apple treat devs like shit. Why do you want 30% of every penny I make? Then why the fuck do I have to pay you $100 every year? And what about not allowing me to choose my own payment system? Some are understandable but you still can't threaten to remove app from store if the dev don't want to do what's profitable for you.
So many examples of victims - Hey, Spotify and there's a ton of independent devs out there who have been exploited so far.
Your platform is attractive to users because of those thousands of devs who build apps despite your greedy policies, so fucking treat them with respect.20 -
!dev
> Be me
> Birthday today, spend entire day in hospitals due to my beloved's cancer (see previous rants)
> After an entire tiring day, decide to order Chinese food from restaurant in région.
> Call, difficult to make him understand my order although being a native Belgian... After 10 minutes order placed.
> Drive to restaurant to come to pick up
> "It's 121 in total"
> "Wait you said 98"
> " No sir I did not say that"
> Ok fine I'm hungry
> We don't use debit card here ?
> Comeagain.gif
> I got 115 on me in cash.
> "Sorry sir we can't give you a discount on the order" despite advertising the discount
> "Why not? You advertising says so"
> "We haven't changed that yet."
> "So what now?"
> Guy puts back box in the back
> Ok that's clear enough for me.
Walk away, fed up.
Now I am in another restaurant, ordered the same amount-ish and got cheaper off and got even a small beverage for free while waiting!9 -
html email test sent to client:
Client: Great but I can't see any images.
Me: You may have "load images" disabled in your email client/preferences.
Client: (a few hours later) can you make it so that the images appear even if "load images" is disabled?2 -
10 PM (after a very busy working day), CTO calls me and tells me: "We decided to hand in the new version to [random client] one week earlier, so they can test it."
Me: "I don't think is a good idea, the app is still unstable, we started working in it yesterday, it *will* crash"
CTO: "Don't you worry, at least they know we are working on it"
20 minutes later
CTO: "WTF why did you make my app crash?! I can't send this to a client!"
Told you. That is why that code is on develop and not on master. -
I just don't have words.....
Yesterday I had message from our CEO, that one of our biggest and most important project's CEO have told her that there is spelling mistake in my email signature and people there will judge because of that.
PS: I had Enginner instead of Engineer in such small font that even no one even noticed in entire year not even me.(I don't even feel ashamed for that it was not intentional and it does not make me bad at what I do at my work)
I just want to ask you guys are people really that bad they judge based on spellings? and not on work and their dedication?
I think there will be thousand of people who can't even speak or write English but are more innovative.11 -
Is it just me or Social media has made everyone philosophers automatically.
Like pretty dumb and hopeless folks you know in real life be posting some smart and motivational shit they copied off of some random site.
Dude get your dumbass off my screen mehn...coming around here giving advice on how to make my life better...have you seen your life lately?
It can't be just me...13 -
I've got a rant-type question:
Why would you EVER use Google Chrome?
There are a million browsers in the world, you could've used Firefox, Opera, Vivaldi, Brave, Bad Wolf, Qute, st, Epiphany etc, but you chose to uss Google Chrome.
What would be the reason you would ever choose Google Chrome over any of the million browsers, out of which many of them get the job done much better than Chrome? Okay, I get it why you might use IE or Edge, cause you might be too lazy to install any other browser or you just want the performance benefits you get with Edge which totally, most definatelly, a very big plus point for Edge.
*"Chrome has a balanced-bloat out of all browsers"*
But how tf does that matter? That doesn't even help performance wise anyways.
I can't get over the fact that I have to see/hear about 'Chrome hogging RAM' EVERYWHERE. Like, why do you even care about the god damn browser? Why is it a standard over the million other browsers that exist? Why can't the general public be educated that browsers have choices (just like phones) and you don't have to spit crap over people who don't use Chrome.
It just drives me crazy of how many people hate Chrome, and still it's a 'default' browser.
I would quote Vivaldi (the company/browser):
'A browser should adapt to you, not the other way around.'
(Disclaimer: Rant of a former Firefox, qute, st, Opera, OperaGX, Edge, and ofcourse, Chrome user. Currently in deep love with Vivaldi.)
I'm done ranting. Have a nice day!
(My first post here, if I did something wrong, let me know! I'll make sure I don't do it again!)55 -
Had a blast from the past the other day. Testing an issue with an AngularJS app in IE11 on a project managers Surface.
Nothing works. Just a blank screen. I open the JavaScript console to hundreds, maybe thousands of errors. They all seem eerily familiar, but I can't place them. It's like something from a past life.
Then I see one that brings the issue into sharp focus.
"{{variable_name}} is a reserved word"
No it isn't, I think. That hasn't been a reserved word in JavaScript since...
Me: "Is your browser in Compatibility Mode?"
PM: "Yeah, it's for one of our legacy programs"
Me: "You need to turn that off to test this app. It thinks you're using IE6, so it's having a 2 decade old shit-fit. I haven't seen those errors since I was a teenager making crap on Geocities"
I never thought an error message could make me feel so old 😩 -
My patience limits are huge but our product manager seems that likes to stretch them.
You piece of fuckin shit. You ask for feature A and we agree on the way we will do it. Good. Half way you want to change it's behavior.
Fine, i accept that. Let's move on.
I'm close to finish it and you come and say let's add more on that feature and make it more complicated. I can't say anything, just fine and let me work on it.
Then you and the senior dev that "helps" us don't come to 2 meetings and just communicate via emails.
And then, then you fuckin scums tell me that is unacceptable that i haven't finished it and it doesn't work?
I used my uni time and missed lessons to work on your shitty feature and that you just yell at me?
What about comming to the fuckin meetings so we can discuss what problems occured and how i can overcome them, you sucker?
Just because our boss complained to you that the product is late because of you, that doesn't give you the right to yell at me, you piece of shit.
And the next time you tell me that you pulled the repository and it doesn't work while it does on everyone else i will come and shove your laptop up to your ass.1 -
When your websites start returning 502 errors all of a sudden and you can't figure out why. Clear PHP artisan cache, restart Nginx, make sure PHP-FPM is running. Still 502 errors. Then you find out Cloudflare is down. 😐😐😐
This was me last night.3 -
Conversation with coworker at a staff function...
girl: ...we can't wait to see what you can do!
Me: Great! I can't wait to get stuck in, but you know, those exports you wanted from it, that doesn't have to wait. If you need that straight away, come to my desk and I'll make some queries for you and pull out the data you want...
Girl: o_0
Girl: ... Omg, you can do that?! You're awesome!!
Me later: o_0 - the Dev before me could never at least do that?!6 -
I never liked when rappers do the bridge on emotional songs.
the song starts like "ooohh, baby I love you, you know we're for each other, bla bla",
then the rapper comes up with some raw shit like
"baby you know that this cum is only for you,
we're meant for each other, you suck me so good,
you know that you moan when I raw in your ass"
bro, wtf... it was a gentle romantic song...
or when the singer is depressed, has dilemmas about life
and the rapper's like "im rolling on my mercedes bitch"
it actually sounds like rapper is intentionally making the singer look like a pussy.
now, before some troll comments that I'm an idiot dinosaur that can't understand hip hop, let me say:
I like hip hop, I'm not gonna make a fool of myself by name dropping rappers from the past or today, as if you needed credentials to emit any option about the genre. I will only say that I've been listening on and off since I was 15.
And I like emotional songs as well, any genre.
The problem is that I feel a sort of disconnect between the singer and rapper of a song.
You can't have one performer be like "I feel sad, life is hard" and then the other like "I GOT HELLA MAD DICK NIGGA, CHOKE ON MY CUM", in the SAME fucking song.
They are completely opposite emotions,
That works in movies, eg: a romantic slasher film, but that shit works because it's feature length.
There's enough time to make transitions and to let the mood slowly change.
Meanwhile, these guys are trying to stitch these things together in 3 fucking minute songs.
But this shit dominates the charts, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯2 -
Owner of the company I freelance for: The proposal I sent yesterday to [PR Company we do work for] got bounced back. They said it was incomplete.
Me: Well no shit, they didn't provide us with a detailed itinerary of everything they need, nor did they give us access to sections that they want copied to the new website. I can't and won't provide a full quote when I don't have all the information needed to build one. I would be guessing at this point and it would be shitty guesses.
Owner: Here's a proposal they got from another company. We need to make it like this [sends file].
Me: They mention a one sentence footnote about what I laid out. Everything else is marketing jargon that I don't know, because I'm a developer, not a marketer. I'm not sure what it is you want me to do, because you're asking the wrong person.
Owner: Are you going to help me or not?
Me: Help you with what? You got my notes. Paraphrase them if you need to, but I have more important things on my agenda, like being a web developer, not a proposal drafter. -
No one will understand me but you Devs.
I am a self taught developer who works in a digital marketing agency, when I was learning to code I wanted that the code I will produce will help people and make me happy, the only job i got is in digital marketing agency, because no one in my country will recrute a self taught bald ugly mid thirty fucker, then want them young and fresh, anyway, I proved that I can handle the job, so that I became the only dev in the agency.
the problem is that I reached a that checkpoint where I have to choose a path:
- I learned Node and React but I can't use them in my agency
- I work with wordpress and prestashop but I don't code, I use fucking theme forest templates
the only way to work with MERN is through remote, but I am not a senior yet, I only have to keep learning PHP but I can't advance in my current job since the projects don't require coding, and I feel that my agency will close the dev department because they put me in the designers office.
I don't want to reach 40 with nothing in my portfolio but shitty theme forest template rape, the stress from my current situation is killing me, I can't even start working on my portfolio website and blog because I can't think straight, my mind jump from "today I will build an api" to "no I need to build a custom wordpress theme" each 3 minutes, I don't sleep, the futur is dark, I am afraid that if I focus on wordpress and shit I will miss working in interesting projects, and if I focus on MERN I will never gain experience localy to become a full remote later.
many will agree with me that PHP is shitty but gets the work done, and I hate PHP because of prestashop, and we only live once, the only other job I found require wordpress and fucking prestashop, imagine living a live doing something you don't like, then die regretting every decision you make.
I might sound crazy for you, but I don't have many friends and I am an introvert working with designers and community managers ... so this is the only place I can write what I want.
if you reached here, I thank you for your time4 -
I JUST HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS THAT MAKES ONE WANT TO BANG TWO BRICKS ON HEAD SND END THE PAIN THE STORY STARTS YESTETDAY WITH ISSUES AFTER A MIGRSTION AND THEY ASK ME TO HELP TROUBLESHOOT EVEN THOUGH I'M A DEV DBA AND THE ISSUE IS IN QA/SAT AND I HELP ANYWAY AND THEY CAN'T FIND A VIEW AND SO I LOOK EVERYWHERE AND CAN'T DOING IT EITHER AND IT DIDN'T EXIST IN PROD OR DEV SO I TELL THEM IT'S NOT THERE, AND THEY ARE LIKE, CAN YOU RETRIEVE IT FOR US AND I'M LIKE FROM WHERE? I DON'T KEEP VIEWS IN MY BUTT AND YOU GUYS ARE SMOKING CRACK AND THE GIVE ME THEIR QUERY WHICH CONTAIN THE VIEE ANYWAY AND THEY SAY CAN YOU RUN IT AND IT RUNS AND WORKS AND THEY CAN'T MAKE IT WORK AND IT WORKS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T CALL THE VIEW THEY HAVE ME SO NO PROBLEM THERE SO I FINALLY ASK THEM ARE YOU POINTING TO THE CORRECT DATABASE AND THEY'RE LIKE OH MAN WE TOLD YOU THE WRONG DATABASE AND SO I LOOK AT THE RIGHT DATABASE AND FIND THAT THE GRANTS ARE MISSING AND YEAH THANK YOU FOR TAKING EIGHT HOURS OF MY LIFE BECAUSE WE WERE IN THE WRONG DB YOU GAVE ME AND I HOPE THE FLAG OF A THOUSAND CAMELS INVEST YOUR ARMPITS AND THE CHIGGERS OF A THOUSAND SOUTHERN LAWNS INGEST YOUR SOCKS AND UNDERWEAR. YAAAAAA!!!!9
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My fucking work challenges:
1. "Talk to this thing over the internet" what language does it speak? Fuck knows
2. "Make sure all the files are correct in the server" Our server plan only allows 3 requests per second, and someone is pinging it. Can't do shit.
3. "Shit broke!" You broke it. It was working fine. In fact, all our problems stem from that 1 thing you broke!
4. "Stay here all night" The hallway to the bathroom's door is locked. I can go to my workstation but have to go outside to get to the bathroom!
Fuck, its like you don't want me to succeed -
If this isn't the worst thing.
I was asked to develop a WordPress plugin as an intern developer and I've been on it since last week. I got stuck when i finally had the loops running but couldn't find a way to format the output without overwriting the existing values on each iteration.
For the last one week I've been showing the progress on my code to the CTO and this is how it has been.
Me: Hello. Everything is coming along fine, I have most of the functions running properly, do you mind looking into the algorithm?
CTO: Oh not at all, let's see what you got. Omg great code for an intern. I think you should add a new variable there and maybe clean up that function over there because it's deprecated now and yeah HaHa, Great work.
Me: Thanks xD I'll have it finished latest next week.
CTO: Oh great. I can't wait to see what you'd have by next week so we can install it on our WordPress.
*Next finally week comes and I'm done with the code.
Me: Hello, I'm done with the entire code! Want to take a look? The plugin works just exactly as described.
*CTO takes a look
CTO: Omg?
Me: Omg?
CTO: This is completely bad programming practice, so you are running 4 nested loops that all send queries to our data base and make changes to data. This would have a very drastic effect on the server considering the traffic we get.
Me: But you saw this exact code last week and said it was okay, I only changed some CSS since the last time.
CTO: Omg, we can't accept this, you have to develop it again from the scratch without using those loops and queries.
Me: What? Okay, fine. Any hints?
CTO: Yes.
Me: What?
CTO: Just start. That's the greatest hint I could ever give. And also, always have a plan before you begin.
Me: Yeah, thanks for those. It's the first time I'm hearing them and they would totally be applicable to building this thing.2 -
Designer: These nine logo's come after the intro text...
Me: Wait... nine? How do we know the number of company logo's in that section is always nine?
Designer: Well that looks the best.
Me: That may be, but we're working with CMS content here. We cannot be sure that this company works for exactly nine clients.
Designer: What do you mean?
Me: In general the idea is that a CMS allows a customer to determine that for themselves. That is kind of what a Content Management System does.
Designer: But shouldn't I, the Designer, be in control of that? Nine logo's simply looks the best!
Me (trying to cope with the fact this guy's formal education is a joke compared to his ego): The reality is that the client being able to determine his own content is the reason we make this website. We will have to take into account the actual number of items in the CMS may be less or more. We could paginate it or randomize it if you want to use that grid of nine.
Designer: I don't see why I can't determine that.
Me: Designing around those constraints is what my boss hired you to do.15 -
YOU. If you can't be arsed to change the default wallpaper, the terminal/gtk theme on a fucking laptop you use everyday, turn off Intel graphics screen rotation shortcuts, move the taskbar somewhere, install a Vue.js/Augury (Angular tool) Chrome plugin so you can actually debug stuff, Git for Windows or even this fucking trash of a player that is VLC, comb your hair the other way for once in your fucking lifetime if you have it, buy a different shirt than the same one you already have, fucking anything at all - fuck you!
BTW Don't be surprised when I don't take your fucking advice about the layout of the site I'm working on.
Also I secretly FUCKING HATE YOU just because.
Nothing personal kiddo. Except it is.
Fucking go out there and make the world around more suited to your tastes, every fucking human has them! Just change the fucking wallpaper, so I'll know you have at least a little bit of fucking personality in you! Slap a pic of some hi-rez tits on that screen! ANYTHING AT ALL.
Whew. That's been brewing in me for a long time.
A motivational doggo for you lads.3 -
Me: what we want our users to do is inherently complex. We can't make it "iPhone-intuitive", this thing needs instructions.
my boss: we have put people on the moon
me thinking: how intuitive do you think that rocket was4 -
TL;DR:
What do you think about visual scripting.
Pretty much anyone here knows Scratch. And most devs make fun of it (while most also know it's a real programming environment), yet what do you guys think about BLUEPRINTS or Visual Scripting?
Starting to learn Unreal, I have two choices. C++ or Blueprints. While some argue that Blueprints can't achieve and replace C++ in Unreal, I saw others ignoring the fact and making awesome stuff you didn't think was possible. I saw how powerful even this node-based programming environment is and started learning it. What do you think?
(Image from Masterclass, not by me)7 -
Observation
Usually happens when hitting some heavy development after waking up to an idea at 5am and rushing in to the office to make it happen. Then you write for hours straight refilling some coffee once in a while.
At some point you start finding other people at the coffee station and the smalltalk starts. For some reason I can't turn my brain into social mode. Someone asks me stuff like "How was your weekend?" And the answer can be anything between "I like turtles" and some totally uninhibited and unintended truth in the TIM category.
Flow is strong but it totally fucks up my social capabilities. It also makes me happy =D4 -
I finally heard a retarded question on a job interview. I thought they were just jokes.. I was wrong!
What kind of a question is "how would your friends describe you?"..
They'd say I'm fucking awesome, did you expect a different answer?
Or when I gave them a referral, my previous boss, and they asked me what would he say about me.. well fuck me sideways, I have no idea.
And one of the last ones, "tell us your three top qualities that would make us hire you". What kind of information does such a question even give them? Are they testing me how well I can lie? Because I can't, and others that can lie will give a better answer, regardless of the reality.
And they were even taking notes after these questions.
Other than that, nice company. I really want to start working there soon.5 -
So, yet another "senior" web developer employed by my contractor who utterly fails to understand CORS.
I mean, easy enough to config their servers to provide the headers. A good and quick buck.
But I swear the level of idiocy I find in so called "seniors" infuriates me. I swear, he didn't even figure out that
A) you can't make the browser omit the Origin header.
(But it works on curl 😭😭😭)
B) it's the *server* who must include access-control-allow-origin in the response, not you in the request. Like, what use would that be? I don't even...
😞
I guess if I ever need to hire web devs again my only question during the interview will be "explain CORS to me".8 -
One would assume that "view conditions and accept" shows the fucking conditions and then lets you accept them if you want to. No. By clicking this button I automatically accepted it, and then got them shown for me. Which meant that I had to pay a fucking fee, because the conditions said so. That would be fair if I had seen the fucking conditions before accepting them. Fuck off everybody, I don't have time for dealing with this, I was sick the other day and now I have to work extra hard while still recovering to make up for it and now I have to deal with your crappy support just because you can't design a fucking ui? Whats wrong with you!!!4
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I got my first appointment with my first freelance client today as I'm trying to earn some money on the side. She contacted me after the guy before me hasn't delivered in more than 2 months.
Her: So how much do you think its gonna cost me.
Me: Well the minimum rate for a site like this is like €1000. But since you are my first client, I'm willing to do it for €700.
Her: The guy before you only charged €250...
Me: I'm sorry I can't do that. I might get to 500 if I cut some corners, but I can't make any promises.
Inner me: Look where you're 250 has got you... You haven't seen anything in return...
Her: Proceeds to whine about how it's still waaay to much ... And how she will get me more clients etc. (Yeah right...)3 -
JavaScript is a rollercoaster. From "Golly hello world is easy and I can make webpages now", to "wtf '1'+1 is '11' kill me now", to "it's not be that bad if you know how to use it", to discovering typescript and it starts feeling like a real language.
... until you can't build the project because you have too many types so you blow the memory limit in node. I can up the limit, but I can't guarantee that we won't blow past this in the future. Browsing issues on the ts repo reveals that this has been a thing for years.
Sticking with the rollercoaster analogy I'm now at "Burn it all to the ground".5 -
I am currently under a desperate crunch at work, trying to get things wrapped up before my honeymoon.
Of course, this is when My Greatest User decides he will come to my office no fewer than five times today. Not once was it for an actual, legitimate issue that he had not created himself. Here were the top three for today:
#3
MGU: "The scroll wheel on my mouse isn't working. I used to be able to scroll stuff with it but now I can't."
ME: *Looks at his mouse. All looks well.*
ME: "Show me what you're trying to do."
MGU: "I'm trying to scroll this Word document. See? It won't scroll!"
ME: ..."That's because there is nothing to scroll... The entire document is on your screen..."
#2
MGU: "I can't move my mouse off the edge of my screen! I used to be able to move it from my monitor to my laptop screen and I can't do it anymore!"
ME: "Did you move your laptop?"
MGU: "Yeah I moved it to the other side of the monitor. That shouldn't make a difference, should it?"
#1
MGU: "You know the DOS commands?"
ME: *Does a triple take.* ... ... "Huh?"
MGU: "The DOS commands. You know how you can use DOS commands to make the computer do stuff. Like Ctrl+M."
ME: "Ah. You're talking about keyboard shortcuts."
MGU (ignoring me): *Goes on a long, confusing explanation of something he's trying to do in Outlook and wants to know a keyboard shortcut for instead of clicking.*
ME: "I don't know what the shortcut for that would be and honestly I don't have time to look right now. I really need to keep working on this project."
MGU: "You don't know?"
ME: "Nope."
MGU: "Oh... I'd have thought that with being a programmer you'd have gotten into the DOS commands."
I have never been so tempted to quit. -
Hey guys,
I think the topic of this week is very important.
Older, experienced devs are giving their skills and advices to the younger one.
Some of you maybe know it, I'm a young developer, who started his apprenticeship at september.
I'm feeling good there, the others are friendly. I learn a Lot there. I had experience before I started there. It's my Hobby to code so I started coding when I was 14.
You can't know anything, everyone makes mistakes, this is what I've learned and this is important to remember.
There are these days like today, when your Boss isn't there and you have to work alone. You have to do many things, and you are desperated because nothing Works, you can't ask anyone, you are completly alone. There are these days, when nothing seems to work. But there are also these days when everything Just Works fine and you are happy with yourself.
This is important to remember.
For me its very hard. Days like today are driving me crazy and I'm very sad, even when I know, that this is Kind of normal not to know everything and have Problems, especially when you are young as me and started your first apprenticeship 3 months ago.
Tomorrow I'm also alone, I'm a Little Bit feared of tomorrow (you say that in that Way? :P) When I think of tomorrow and that I don't know How to proceed and sitting there, I'm getting frustrated and Kind of sad. But I know that this will Make you even better some day, because you learn and gets better - day for day.
At least there was something good today. My stickers finally arrived! To Germany! That was fast! Thanks everyone, Thanks! And Thank you @dfox for building this great community!
What are you advices? And how you handle these situations? I hope tomorrow everything Works fine :/2 -
"I have a great idea for a messaging app.
But I can't tell you what it is until you agree to make it for me, I can't pay you right now but I'll pay you back when we make tonnes of money!"
My startup idea: you create apps for people with bad ideas and the fees on a 1 year 'loan' with high penalties for failing to pay. Fair right?3 -
Everybody is criticizing Microsoft for leaving too much legacy code in Windows, etc., but let me tell you that I prefer 100% that and have lifetime backward compatibility than having to deal with Google bullshit.
Google sucks ass.
It's one of the most dev unfriendly company on this planet (along with Facebook).
You can't fucking change BASIC stuff in Android SDK every fucking version.
You just can't!
You can't use a system of "PERMISSIONS" each developer has to set in its application and each user has to accept during the installation, that a few versions later become USELESS... because "Hmmm… no, It's not enough, let's make a new privileged permission that makes the old one fucking worthless".
YOU FUCKING, TOXIC, BASTARDS.
It's my app, my code, my device, my fucking conditions. If I want to install viruses on my device, I should be able to do it.
I shouldn't have to call fucking Sundar fucking Pichai fucking CEO of fucking GOOGLE.
USERS != BABIES.
DEVS != CRIMINALS
We are the reason you have a fucking job, fucking food on your fucking table.
I want a fucking GOD_MODE permission in the next SDK, assholes!
You can't REMOVE fucking "Android.OS.getSerial()" making it only for system apps.
It's not sensible data… and if It's in your opinion, you've already created a "android.permission.READ_PHONE_STATE", so what else do you want, fucking asshole?
Right, you want to introduce "android.permission.READ_PRIVILIGED_PHONE_STATE" to make obsolete the other one, son of a bitch!
I don't fucking use you're garbage Google Play Store, no worries! I won't upload my app on your servers, bitch!
They've created a monopoly in the industrial space (PDAs) and they keep making fucking wrong decisions every single year.
My job is already stressful, why you can't just stop making it worse? fml8 -
Who's the dumbass that decided you can't delete your PayPal account at all unless your balance is $0?
I am not giving you my card information for the $0.18 balance I have. For God sakes, I don't even bend over to pick that up if I see it on the ground.
It's one thing if it were like $100 or even $10. But it's eighteen fucking cents. Not even a a quarter of a fucking dollar.
At least make me put in my password and answer a security question or some shit, not straight up remove the option to delete it.
Fucking ridiculous.21 -
Anyone else ever just have those days where you just think of just giving up on programming all together?
I just seem to be having these days every second day or so, I mean I've been programming since I was 11 and I'm just about to turn 21... I've essentially stuck with game development in the same engine in the same language and to this day have nothing to show for the past 10 years other than a million half assed prototypes that seem to just rehash idea's already done by other but a million times better...
Tried learning other languages and none have stuck, I can't grasp C++, don't have a fucking clue how to use Vala and can't even think of anything to make with said languages...
Tried making a pushbullet front end in Vala and can't even learn how to use the fucking API's so once again, that project has been put on the shelf with everything else.
It all just drags me down and makes me think if all the trouble is worth the pain and annoyance.
Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself (110% chance this is the case) or maybe I'm just not cut out to be a programmer...5 -
Go fuck yourself make.
Don't tell me you haven't got a build rule for a .hex file because I'm fucking looking at it. I added a single file name to a variable and now magically you can't find any of my fucking build rules.
NOT FUCKING HELPFUL MAKE.3 -
Does anyone else lose respect for IT or programming companies that use OTHER companies to make their websites?
You mean to tell me, you want me to hire you to make a website, when you can't even make your own? Not happening.8 -
Dear internet providers,
Please make sure that everyone can setup routers so I don't have to stand in tons of rain waiting on somebody to open me his door because I have to stick the ******** LAN cable in the wall, which he really can't do him self....
Thank you.1 -
Central team: No, your team must be doing something wrong. Our pipeline is super-configurable and works for any situation! You just have to read the docs!
Me: Where are the docs?
Central team: Uhh, well, umm... we'll hook you up with a CI/CD coach!
Me: Okay, cool. In the mean time, can you point me at the repo where all the base scripts are?
Central team: Sure, it's here.
Me, some weeks later: Yeah, uhh, the coach can't seem to figure out how to make our Prod deployment work either.
Central team: That's impossible! It's so easy and completely configurable!
Me: Well, okay... but, here's the thing: your pipeline IS pretty "configurable", in the sense that you look for A LOT of variables...
Central team: See! We told you!
Me: ...none of which are actually documented, so they're just about useless to me...
Central team: But, but the coach...
Me: ...couldn't make heads or taisl of it either despite him literally being ON YOUR TEAM...
Central team: Then your project must just be architected wrong!
Me: Well, we're not perfect, so could be...
Central team: Right!
Me: ...but I think it's far more likely that the scripts... you know, the ACTUAL Python scripts the pipeline executes... while it took me DAYS to get through all your levels of abstraction and indirection and, well, BULLSHIT... it turns out they are incredibly NOT flexible. They do one thing, all the time, basically disregarding any flexibility in the pipeline. So, yeah, I'm thinking this is probably one of this "it's you, not me" deals.
Central team: Waaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!3 -
I'm working on this project; it's for a large organization that desires to use blockchain simply "because it the feature" and not for any actual use-case; anyway, after a week or so we had a team meeting and my supervisor asks what have we accomplished so far, I was dumb enough to state that it went fabulous but I can't see how the use of blockchain is beneficial to the project, his response was "OK, I'll let you know what more features to implement to make sure you use blockchain well". And I'm just looking at my co-workers like "plz don't hate me".6
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Random talk with a colleague:
-How familiar are you with oop concepts?
- I don't need that, I will make my life easier instead. They say "the" Java is faster though.
-Faster from which lang?
- C.
Me: Aw shiet.
Can't believe who I share this precious air with.7 -
I swear why is it always the loudly calling people going into the silent coupe while the rest of the train is literally completely empty. How can you be so smooth brained that you can't read the huge ass sign on the window where it says "SILENT". Nothing can make me more angry5
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That's it, I'm done. I'm SO. FUCKING. DONE. Whoever created such a badly monkey ass coded shit and named it "Drupal" should have been aborted with a fucking hanger.
No one was here today because they were all at a Drupal Con that I never heard of. Glad I didn't. So they told me "yeah there are one year bug to fix, if you could do them all in a one work day that'd be greaaaaat". FUCK. YOU.
This shit is slowly sucking my passion away, and while I could spend 15 hours to code per day a few months ago, now I'm stuck to debugging shit that should have work without a Drupal environment. Tomorrow I'm going to see my manager and tell him to get me the fuck out of this and make me do something that would make me enjoy living again. I can't believe I'm getting trouble for this kind of low shit stuff, really.
And it started to rain. Fuck.6 -
Clojure developers: why has our awesome language not taken the world by storm? how do we get new developers interested in Clojure and Lisp! its not as hard as people make it out to be!!
Also Clojure developers: Yeh so we know you are all probably not used to an editor like emacs *crowd looks in confusion*....BUT YOU NEED TO DOWNLOAD EMACS, INSTALL ALL THESE PLUGINS, MAKE SURE THAT THIS SHIT CALLED CIDER WORKS AND LEARN ALL OF THSE CTRL+<Fuck-Mx-You> COMBINATIONS!!
As someone that has been in the community for so long...I can't with the mentality of some of these people, and it scares me because I fear for Clojure disappearing.17 -
Recently one of my friends got an internship in front-end web, today he messaged me "dude, where I can find a responsive template for xyz category." I gave the link to that.
I told, "why you guys not using bootstrap to make responsive, to begin with".
He said, "my mentor said no to that."
I'm like, you guys download a fucking template but can't use bootstrap. wow.13 -
John Cena : You can't see me !
A frustrated coder : No problem , I'll Java you. I'll Java you until I make sure you are portable , WWE-oriented and ofc .. visible . Say hi to Nikki . -
So... Today I started using my first Python web framework, web2py. At a first glance I liked it, the templating system, the view/controller thing ecc. But there is one thing in frameworks that I really don't like: they make me feel dumb.
I mean, in just one line of code I can generate an entire form, but if I wanna customize it a little bit... I can't. Or better, it is very hard, also if there is a bug, I have to look for a problem in an entire system that I DID NOT wrote.
I don't like the idea that the frameworksl handles everything for you, like it is teasing me, I don't even know how it works, it just works, and man, I don't like it. There's some kind of hacker in me, I dont like a system that just works, I want to know how it works. But the sad thing is that I will have to learn web frameworks if I want to work in the IT, right? Please If you can help me or share your experience with web frameworks do so.3 -
Customer has asked me to recreate a dashboard they use with a bunch of data, charts, etc.
Problem: The screenshots they sent me... almost everything is illegible. The fidelity of the screenshots themselves is just fine.
It's that their dashboard they have is straight unintelligible. The charts are all smashed up, scale is off, most data ... you can't even tell what it is.
On one bar chart there's just one bar, no x or y scale indicators ... and a random dot in the bar... what even?
Apparently they love this dashboard but as far as I can tell they can't possibly be getting anything of value from it ...
It's like I can cook... but I can't make a recipe .. wrong ... just like someone else made it wrong from screenshots. :P -
If you're expecting a call from a company to do a phone screen, make sure your phone is charged... if it dies before you can even tell me why you're looking for a new job and I still can't reach you 15 minutes later, it's very off putting.1
-
About a year ago, the organization I work for decided we don't really need team leads. We would be more self organizing if we didn't have technical leads. Now, one of those former leads who feels out of place can't get over it. She is constantly trying to add her two cents -- which is totally cool -- but in such a way as to make it sound/seem like we need to do what she says. Also, based on everything I've seen from her coding ability, I'm not sure how she ever became a tech lead. That's coming from me, and let me tell you, I feel SUPER junior sometimes. Like how the hell did they ever offer me a job junior. Well anyway, another dude was working with her the other day (we do pair programming) and snapped. He flipped out for like a solid 3 minutes on her. It was the most awkward thing I think I've ever experienced.3
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I find it very strange and telling when people tell me that a dev shouldn't "re-invent the wheel", "roll your own" or "leave it to the experts" while simultaneously promoting substandard own-rolled projects by other people that simply got popular.
Kind of a strange elitist double standard that encourages a bad mindset of "I can't be as good as them" and it's toxic.
If you wanna make your own framework / package / etc, just do it, it might even be better.7 -
I don't know what to do with my life anymore, as a self taught web developer, I started like anybody doing HTML, CSS and js, and then I met PHP and WordPress.
why the fuck PHP is ugly ? and why WordPress is uglier ? I tried to learn how to build a simple plugin in WordPress but the hooks system make me want to kill my self, how the fuck PHP powers 80% of the web ? every time I write PHP I wish I was never born, the problem is that I can't change job because I am old and I live in a fucking country who is technologically primitive, they fucking know only PHP and JAVA, no Node, No Ruby, No Python, only fucking PHP.
I learned React, I learned Node but you know what I did this last year ? I raped a themeforest theme for about dozen plus websites, A SINGLE THEME FOR MORE THAN DOZEN CLIENTS, my boss does not care, only me who is not sleeping at night because a tried to customize a Prestashop theme and it gave me cramps in the stomach, I feel depressed and useless, I want to quite my job but I can't, I have mouths to feed, WHY THE FUCK DID I FELL IN LOVE WITH PROGRAMMING, I was happy fixing computers, what can I do if the only project that I have are WordPress and Prestashop?
how did you do to stay sane when working with wordpress and prestashop ? are you not human ?I can't take it anymore.
I need a new road map, fuck it I will focus only on JS and Node and fuck PHP.10 -
!dev
Long time, no rant. Why is facial hair so difficult to control? How do people even grow beards without looking like hobos all the time? Do I have to make some sort of sacrifice to a dark and malevolent entity?
Believe me, it's so much easier to keep on top of shaving body hair than taming face fur. Especially because your facial hair is, you know, on your *face* which means it's very visible. You can't hide it if you mess up. Unless you decide that wearing a balaclava is a good idea when going outside, like when going grocery shopping. Generally that isn't received too well though.17 -
Day 0: thank you for being an Amazon Customer, your database is about to be upgrade in the near future with or without your consent! Tough titties motherfucker!
Day 16: ok, every upgraded by hand in the test environment, everything seems stable, let's go make preparations for production!
Day 16.5: ssh user@<prod_bastion_ip> --yada --yada
Unable to connect
Oooook, let's try again,
Unable to connect
Day 16.5.1: WHY THE FUCK NOT, the IP is fucking right, the cert is right, the user is right, the..... fucking.... EC2 instance has been......... terminated.....
FML!
---
Why! why can't people leave things alone.
Excuse me while I hit the bourbon 🥃 -
Oh f*ck you Google. You can't tell me you don't collect my data (which option I selected) but ask me to answer surveys to make my ads better. It can't be more obvious...5
-
Last Week Friday:
PM: We'll be taking you off the one project on to another, we'll send the details later.
Me: Cool
*Hours Later*
PM: Ok cool, so you'll be looking at a script that one of our Pillar heads has scripted. You need to make sure it works and that it can run on the server.
Me: *I always thought this guy was useless now i get to see what he can do* Cool, just send the documentation and i'll take a look at it over the weekend. Just tell me when you've sent it.
PM: Cool.
Project Head: I'll inform you when i send the files and how to run them.
Me: *I know how to set up a database locally, i'm not an idiot* Cool.
Whole Weekend I don't get a single message.
Monday Morning:
Project Head(PH): Have you taken a look at it yet?
Me: Taken a look at what?
PH: The Database and the Script
Me: i didn't get any message over the weekend.
PH: I sent it yesterday, it should be in your inbox.
Me: There's Nothing. Sending anything on a Sunday is expecting me not to see it, especially at 10pm. Besides i can't retrieve any of the files in the attachment(Outlook tripping), rather send it in a zip file or upload it to onedrive.
PH sends the link. I get the files, set up the DB, glance at the script.
Me: This is actually interesting.
PH: You know what it does?
Me: My SQL knowledge is below average but i can read and understand it pretty well. So your dynamically copying the database from the server to the warehouse, cool.
It's not going to work though.
PH: Check first.
I check it
Me: Doesn't work, but it sort of works.
PH: What do you mean?
Me: Some tables are populated but some aren't,, how and there's a shit tone of errors.
PH: So i does copy the data over.
Me: Some of the data.
PH: test it on the Server
Me: Not a good idea.
PH: Just try it.
PM: In the mean time i'll send you some documentation i need you to review and edit.
Me: *Idiots* Cool.
Tuesday:
Me: Have you checked it on the server yet?
PH: Not yet, busy.
Me: Where's the documentation again?
PM: I'll send it it a moment.
Me: In the mean time i'll write some script to fix that script that's definitely not going to work.
Wednesday:
Boss: I heard you done with the script
Me: It's not done, but we'll be testing it on the server later.
Boss: Then why are you running it on the server?
Me: Ask the PH and PM.
Boss: What are you doing now?
Me: Well i'm supposed to do documentation *looks at PM* but i haven't recieved any yet, so I've been writing a script to fix the copy script.
PH: Ok we'll test when the boss leaves, after all the meetings.
PM: here's the documentation.
Me: Thanks
I start on documentation.
PH: It didn't work.
Me: I know.
PH: Fix it.
Thursday:
Meeting.
PM: What you doing?
Me: Fixing the script,
PM: Do the documentation first
Me: Cool.
End of the day:
PH: Why you doing the documentation? The script has highest priority.
Me: Ask the PM.
Friday(Today):
Boss: can we talk.
Me: Sure.
Boss: I though you said the script was done?
Me: i said it sort of works, just doesn't do the job 100%.
Boss: Monday i was told it's done.
Me: i only looked through it Monday to understand it, i done nothing before Tuesday. though i have been trying to create a script to fix it.
Boss: Your working really slow hey.
Me: *It's been a week, and stupid people are in charge* I was doing what i was told.
Boss: Cool.(His Upset)
Stupid FUCKEN people, make stupid FUCKEN decisions. But Hey, the boss only see's the final result. I am a human being, even i make mistakes. But there's a huge gap between stupidity and a mistake. -
Using chatGPT. Seems about as cooperative and willing to do its job as I am.
Can you make me a word cloud in svg format?
"I'm sorry, I can't directly generate svg content, here are some other tools for that"
Can you write code?
"Yes, certainly, here's some python to generate a word cloud"
Can you write svd code?
"Yes, certainly, here's an example word cloud in svd format"
Can you make the words get bigger when I mouse over them?
"Yes, here's the code".
It's mastered "have you tried googling it?"2 -
Point out that removing a "include charger" option from the new iPhone package is not appealing to users with conservative spending habits (me) and users who plan to transition from android to IOS.
"AhaHah you must be poor, poor ppl can't afford to consoom new products every year, I don't care about no chargers AhaAha"
"It'S JuST $30 jUst Buy One @ the StOre"
This is why apple users get a bad rep, apparently not tossing a perfectly functioning phone into a landfill every year makes you poor. My phone doesn't use the new chargers because I actually made a good purchase that has lasted for around 4 years and the only other apple product I own is a macbook, people like these (ain't a few), make me ashamed to be an "apple user" whatever the fuck that means.12 -
These are the programmers who I had encountered and detest intensely:
1. Programmers who addicted to take other programmers' failure as an achievement.
2. Programmers who are overly arrogant. (Hey just because you know something , that don't make you a God)
3. Programmers who stealing my code without crediting me, and yet he got paid.
4. Programmers who discourage new developers.
5. Programmers who can't take criticism (Once I told a dev that his code is not clean as he decided to name the variable like __fuckingFuckingFuckningVar = "Fuck"; , he yelled at me that i am a MF. Which it's completely childish in my opinion, as a software engineer, I think programme a clean code for easy maintain and understandable for others, it is a responsibility.)
6. Programmers who compare me with others.
7. Programmers who are not friendly. (Don't be like Stackoverflow).13 -
After I cured my depression with Vortioxetine which was prescribed to me because of pure luck, I can notice that something has changed.
I can't tell if I like or don't like something anymore. It doesn't matter now which food to eat, what music to listen to, I just can't see the difference. I dropped all my side projects, quit my job and got another, much easier one. I don't see the big picture of things anymore. I also lost my ability to reverse-engineer problematic outcomes and find solutions.
I used to be an architect but now I can't design anything, I just forgot how to do what I could do without thinking. I forgot Lisp and Clojure, functional programming is too hard for me now. I just don't understand it.
My iq also significantly dropped.
Summarizing all that, and also remembering that liking or not liking something implies that you have a personality, I can only see one reason – I probably don't have a personality anymore.
Here's a summary of my experiences from when I was depressed:
depression makes you dumb
you struggle with simplest tasks
you only eat and go to the bathroom because sometimes your basic instincts win
depression takes your power of will – the most valuable thing you have
society doesn't understand and shames you
you can't think
you can't focus
you can't study
you need money but you can't make it
you don't have that save space inside your thoughts anymore
you don't have dreams
your sleep schedule is fucked
every night there's a nightmare and you can't wake up
you can't cry
they prescribe you one neuroleptic after another and they only makes it worse, turning you into a vegetable
you feel nothing but shame and irrational infinite guilt10 -
A school-related rant:
Went to my school yesterday to get my computer science degree, aaaand....
Surprise! You got a degree in Liberal Arts! Even though when you graduated, it said Computer Science and thought they already fixed the problem about me graduating with Liberal Arts instead of CS! Nope! Still Liberal Arts!
Sigh, fuck that school. I'm sure when my wife finds out about it, she'll definitely flip out and make me fix this, because she also spent time for me to finish school and get a stupid degree. I just don't wanna deal with it anymore and instead keep learning on my own, make projects, and be so good that employers can't ignore me.7 -
Wow man. Can the day get any worse
Mother fucker creator of Android. Now I'm A long time android user, but
Android+Snapdragon 6XX chip+Moto= worst combo ever. Damn you creators, may You be deepfucked by a mad bison in heat. Cocksuckers.
The heat my Moto X play generates, I could make an omelette on top of it. And the newest feature, where you try to type, but you can't see anything happening, when 30 secs later, you suddenly start seeing the after images of all the buttons you pressed, all the text you typed. Why maybe I typed at the speed of light and android couldn't keep up. No.
NO! You dumb fuckin POS. NO. I threw my phone 20ft, broke the tempered glass. The case protected this shit. Once I can save enough, I'll either sell a kidney and get an iPhone or even better a OP5.
Nothing disgusts me more than slow hardware.12 -
be me.
be sad that you can't find your favorite Greek Food online.
offer your local Greek Restaurant that you do their web stuff.
make a nice modern website.
show it to the greek guy.
"Oh please look at this website, I like it more"
shows you a site build with tables, and menu-shortcuts only linked to pdf files.
cry in a corner.1 -
Consultant: "I don't agree with that, it's got to be something else" when you point to a known fault with the function they are using in the framework.
Then you send them 10 articles from stackoverflow and the framework's own website.
Consultant: "Oh. Thank you."
Just let me fix the damned bugs and not have to justify every single fucking change I have to make to make the damned thing work the way it is fucking supposed to.
This is why we can't have nice things. -
Fucking hell, I can't even cook in piece without my mother constantly shouting shit, because the phone doesn't make beautiful selfies anymore. hint: there's a fucking crack over the lense,because you dropped it and no changing all possible settings while throwing out all patience, common sense and ability to read will not improve this situation
i tried to tell her that she could still try to make do with her main camera and when she switches she asked me: "But why does it still make normal photos when I rotate the thing?!" Because unlike your mind this camera isn't damage now fuck off, with all your nervousity I tried to relax and cook us something, but that was more stressful than all the work I did today.10 -
I used to think our IT Support team is the most insufferable. I'm wrong and very sorry; if you guys are here to forgive me.
On the chart now is the security team.
The head of the security team doesn't simply understand that you can fucking not mix some programming languages in the same execution environment.
He is flipping making arguments on executing Javascript in a Java environment. He simply thinks Java is fucking Javascript. Yeah, I know you can make some drifts with GraalVM; sure not in our use-case.
Cross-Site Scripting has a fucking limit. You can't just pass any piece of code to mixed with a complied code and expect it to execute. Except if I'm wrong then I need someone here to show me how because he couldn't tell me how as he was just cynical in every damn way. moda sucker.4 -
Working on a team to take functionality from the latest version of an old executable and put it into a new web-based app.
Coworker: I can't get the results to match so I'll just change the options I'm using in the original program until they match.
Me: That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. Same options on both source and new app, and you should get identical results. Otherwise, there is a defect.
I walk over to look at what CW set up.
M: "Why do you have this box ticked? That option doesn't even exist in the new version."
CW: I don't know. It was there?
M: (trying not to lose my cool, sets up options the way they are supposed to be) This is actually a pretty simple program. It just queries the DB, so we have to make sure the queries and results are the same.
CW: (runs it) Still doesn't match.
M: What version of the source app are you using? Make sure it's the latest.
CW: I can't tell. There is no help/about menu.
At this point, I kinda want to quit and live in a cave.
M: You don't need that. Check the executable in Windows Explorer.
CW: What do you mean?
At this point, I'm sure I look like Anger from Inside Out. I show them how to do it (right click file, properties, etc), wondering how they got this far in their career without knowing how to do the simplest things.
M: (surprised and irritated) This... isn't the current version. It's two versions old.
CW: Well, I couldn't get the newest version to return the results that matched the test cases, so I used the version that did...
M: You can't do th... Why wou... How is that acc... (turns around and walks out to tell the manager he hired a moron)2 -
Do you know one major thing (among others of course) that has made devrant feel like home for me after swearing off social media for a long time?
Common ground with users dealing with absolute, insane incompetency at work (I have it real bad at my job).
This doesn't so much make me angry or frustrate me as it makes me sad.
Everyone has varying levels of intelligence in infinite disciplines. Someone could make you cry because they play violin so beautifully but they can't tell you 4 + 4 because they are completely dense, but boy are they genius with that instrument.
Everyone is GREAT at something, that's capitalism's strength! Everyone can excel! I'm lucky enough to truly in my heart believe that programming, data and game development is my true calling...and I personally think I'm amazing at it.
It breaks my heart when people fall into or pursue something that clearly they just don't have enough passion for or regardless just don't have the skill for.
They become toxic to themselves, their employees/coworkers, their industry.
Sadly, power is given to people who simply aren't capable and power is bad on so many levels (aka fucking psychopaths gaining too much power) but it's also bad when people who don't know what they're doing or care get power.
People, I implore you...the secret to happiness and fulfillment in life is finding what makes you happy and what you're passionate about and good at and gripping it until you die.
Most people don't find it....but DON'T stop looking! It took me until my 30's to figure it out. My best friend in her 20's took her life because she couldn't find purpose...don't just be an asshat, incompetent manager in an industry you don't know a fuck about. Love what you do and help others excel.
This is how I get when I'm drunk, sorry. You guys will learn, lol.2 -
Today's rant: JavaScript's type system.
I realized halfway through that I can't happily call JavaScript a "programming language" so just assume
alias programming="scripting"
I'm sure it's not actually as frustrating as it seems to me. Thing is, I'm used to either statically-typed languages or dynamically-typed languages that actually make sense. If I were to try to add an integer to something I'd forgotten was a string in Python, it'd immediately tell me "look, buddy, do you want me to treat this as a concatenation or an addition? I have no idea the way you've got this written." I've found that mistakes are a common thing with dynamic typing. Maybe I'm just not experienced enough yet, maybe it's really as stupid as it looks. JavaScript just goes "hey look I'm gonna tack all of these guys together and make a weird franken-string like '$NaN34.$&' because that's absolutely what we want here!" Then I run my webpage and instead of a nice numeric total like I wanted, good old JavaScript just went "Yep, I have no idea what I'm doing here I'm just gonna drop this here and pretend it's right." Now absolutely I do not expect my programming language to make correct assumptions and read my mind, otherwise JavaScript would be programming me and not the other way around. But it could at least let me know that I had incompatible types going on rather than just shamelessly going along with what it's doing. Good GRIEF, man, some of the idiosyncrasies of the EMCAScript language definition itself just make me want to punch a horse.6 -
A peeve of mine is when someone in the software industry denigrates a technology/tool/framework outside of his role eg webdevs on sysadmin stuff or viceversa.
I'm not trying to shame anyone for having subjective experiences, I just think that if you're gonna talk about tools that are not on your domain, then you need to be twice as humble as usual.
I'm a webdev and I don't post around how I KNOW how to make ssh secure, while other people devote their entire careers to that and all related matters.
What prompted me is seeing some not webdevs do this here that seem to be sysadmins/devops (can't tell for sure since I don't know them), but in real life, I've seen people from any role do this, webdevs too, even testers!
Imagine you had cancer, and you had a tumor extraction, and the oncologist said to the surgeon "step aside son, let me show you how to deal with cancer".5 -
!Rant
The new bill passed the house for ISP to be able to sell data. This get me ticked off. I already ausme that ISP did it under the table. Doesn't make it right. Now it legal for them to breach our privacy. At what leave do i need to run my own internet just to feel safe. VPN can sell the data, ISP can sell data about you. I spend my life teaching how to protect people online and now I can't even say they are safe at home from someone with wrong intention. A quote comes to mind.
"Dear lord I need to see some change, because the man in the mirror is wearing a mask"
I shouldn't have to feel every time. I boot my PC, that I need to remind my self that what I'm doing now is being sold so someone can lable me. When will the common man learn to protect their privacy online; And where is the line in the sand?
It not all bad, this event has given me the itch to code. Just to spin some heads I'm going to make a script to make random Google query across the widest array of topics, so my profile is full of contradiction.
The few who read this have a nice day!6 -
Be me, get a consultant job, go to a supposedly great client that has fame of getting scouted by Google. (attn: I doubted all this shit before I started)
Learn the basics by a awesome mentor and trial/error stuff at the same time to get the hang of things, after that was done, I noticed there was no documentation whatsoever, code is spaghetti and your documentation, good luck!
Royal spaghetti, you can't make heads or tails of it, dev code in production, empty try/catch blocks, empty statements, if (true)... (incl. their core classes)
Keep in mind this is a multi milion dollar company...
Someone please understand my pain...6 -
Meetings would be better without people.
I mean I like the IDEA of meetings...
Honestly I'm the type of person who if I could would schedule lots of meetings to make sure we're all on the same page, and to be sure the thing is going to do the thing everyone wants / get their perspective, etc. I really want to KNOW what the folks who are going to use this thing need / want / what works best for them.
On the other hand I know that meetings are often more like:
Me: "Ok let's so here's our data, now tell me what fields they want to edit and so forth."
People: "All of them."
Me: "Uh, no you don't want that or they'll break everything ... X, Y and Z require those fields for A, B, and C to work."
Me: "Let's go field by field and you tell me if they need to edit it, and why."
People: "Yeah this first one they have to be able to change this one."
Me: "Wait no, that's the primary key for that table, I don't know why that's on this list but no you can't change that."
People: "Yeah we have to be able to change that."
Me: "No, you can't, do you even know what that number IS?"
People: "Um... no ..."
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻2 -
Not sure if this should be a proper rant about the reasons behind this, or a simple 'so much win' situation..
CTO asked how I'm doing with task xy.. my answer: mostly should be fixed, but I'm trying to figure out this zz thing.. It is so fucked up, I can't make sense of it.. before I could really finish the sentence CTO was like: shut up, don't tell me about it, we know, just please fix it..can you fix it? Please say yes..and don't talk about this anymore.. 😂😂😂6 -
There's something to be said about building Linux from a blank slate. It takes longer to get a complete system but you know how to fix issues when they come up.
I coudln't get my bluetooth headset working for the life of me until I found out the headset needed the PulseAudio daemon which I had removed because I liked AlsaMixer better. Well, I decided to give PulseAudio a try again and after spending about 10 minutes with the config I got my bluetooth headset working again!
After using Linux for 3 months I've learned there's only so much hand holding it will do before you have to make your own fuckups and figure things out. You can't have freedom over your system if you aren't willing to solve problems, doesn't matter what type of technology it is.1 -
I don't want to use Visual Basic!
I'm a 17 year old boy and I have a couple of years of experience with coding. At school we had to choose between a couple of things to do 2 hours every week. One of them was about computers and programming. Sounds fun, right?
The teacher is letting us code in Visual Basic in MS Excel. I tried to explain him that I know how to code, but he still wants me to listen to him.
He doesn't even use any indentation! I can't look at it and I don't want to use VB it sucks just let me use js or anything else but not VB! Why won't you just accept I'm 10 times better than you! Just let me do my thing!
Now he thinks he can challenge me with a password strength checker. I want to use js, some regex to make it very short and efficient and a nicely styled web page. But now I'll be forced to use a horrible programming language (VB) I never used before!24 -
Here's something I'm sick of seeing: server software documentation that doesn't fully list what ports they are using. Too often I've read things like this: "AcmeServe uses ports 400, 8001, and 8002". Great, but why are you making me guess if those are TCP or UDP?
And sometimes it's: "AcmeServe uses ports 400 (UDP), 8001 (TCP), and 8002 (TCP)". Soooo, which ones do I port forward? Are you really going to make me have to use netstat -a to find out?
I can't understand the mentality behind that. They obviously realise you need to setup firewalls, but they half-arse it by only telling you the port numbers but not the protocol and/or if they're inbound/outbound.
Please, list what protocol the port is and if it's listening or outbound. Oh, and consider also mentioning where the port numbers come from in your config files, so I don't have to go playing a guessing game with a bunch of XML files should someone have overridden the default port numbers.1 -
Am I the only one that goes crazy when I have to use a low-code system? It makes no sense to me. The abstractions that help an average schmuck make a feedback loop of abstractions in my brain.
How do I loop over this collection. Is this a collection or a single thing? How does a variable work? Logic doesn't work the same? How do I know what is actually coming into this little port? When does the database get this? Can I see a debug log somewhere? Why can't I see the code behind this little popup window?
I ask someone that isn't a developer and they say, "You are overthinking it."
Fuck that. You pay me to overthink things and describe them in excruciating detail. You wouldn't hand an illustrator three wax crayons and ask them to make a photo-realistic picture.7 -
Dear classmates,
I know our school is shitty as hell, that there is a fucking monitor missing and cables flying around.
BUT DON'T DARE TO LIE TO ME AGAIN. "Can you please move one to the right you're blocking the chair and we want to sit together". YES I KNOW. BUT DO YOU HAVE SEEN, THERE IS A FUCKING COMPUTER MISSING, MAYBE THAT'S WHY I AM SITTING HERE, NOT BECAUSE I'M DUMB AS FUCK AND DON'T SEE I AM BLOCKING A CHAIR!
"We can change later, but we want to sit here for now"
OH YEAH I KNOW. LIKE THE 20 OTHER TIMES YOU LIED TO ME WITH THAT IT'S JUST TEMPORARY. And then you come with come on don't be so childish and your friends start doing so too. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ONE TIME ON MY FUCKING PLACE AND STOP ANNOYING ME AS HELL JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE FOLLOW YOU AND LET ME JUST SIT AT MY FUCKING PLACE.
I AM NOT CHILDISH, I AM JUST NOT BELIEVING IN THESE LIES. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SIT THERE TEMPORARY? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE...3 -
So last time, when HR asked for a meeting I thought they knew who'll be leaving with me. But there is only rumors saying "CTO is poaching inside his team".
And I also learned from the a paralegal, who talk too much, that they just want to fuck with me.
So new course of action: how can I fuck with them? All week end thinking about it. And today, a big competitor, offered me the VP Engineering!!!
So I'll try to make them use their Non-Competition clause.
In France you can set a couple of main competitors and the employee can't work for them for a couple of years. And you have to pay the employee the full salary he could earn during that time (two years of salary). As the employee, you have to disclose this information (you want to sign with the competitor) with your current company and they have a couple of week to decide if they want to use the clause.
So I'm starting to see how I can scare them enough to make them use this clause.
I know it's not cool, but I enjoy so much fucking with them!!!10 -
Demo for client goes bad when we encounter a bug adding a new entry into the back end. Entry shows up in the admin but not the front side.
<thoughtbubble> "I can't believe this, we just tested it! How can this be? How? How?" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps, the cache? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps the front side is pointing to dev? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "Oh shit... make something up quick. Make it sound good." </thoughtbubble>
Tells client we'll have to look into it. (real smooth)
Looked into it and it turns out the bug was actually a feature. Apparently when you assign an "end date" to a date in the past... by design, it won't show.
However, was it bad UI? That's a different argument.4 -
This is the LAST TIME a critical PC component will fail me in the middle of a project. Wtf is up with hardware makers these days? Why can't you make a video card that will last for more than a year, AMD?? FFS!
Desktop for gaming, laptop for code. Now to redo my workstation AGAIN. 😭7 -
Weeks ago, a change went into production. For some reason, we can't implement our own changes or create new databases in production, we have to have a whole different department do it. This would be great except for one thing:
THEY CAN'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES. I've had to tell them how to run scripts I wrote. I've had to tell them how to fix problems that arise.
Back to that script ran three weeks ago or so. It didn't add permissions to allow me, the system and application developer to see the stored procedure, much less run it. Application can't run it. Thankfully the application works without it.
Fast forward to tonight. My change that I'm attempting to implement is the creation of the stored procedure, because nothing could see it, I assumed it didn't exist... reasonable, right? Database folks tells me it exists. They then tell me they can't give me nor the application permissions because it doesn't ask for it in the change plan.
Excuse me.... WHAT FUCKING WORLD DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO CREATE SOMETHING AND HIDE IT FROM THE CREATOR LET ALONE THE APPLICATION SO IT CAN'T USE IT?! FUCKING THINK. WHY WOULD I WASTE MY FUCKING TIME TO TALK TO YOU OFFSHORE PIECES OF SHIT AT 10PM WHEN I'D RATHER PLAY VIDEO GAMES.
I'm so fucking done with enterprises. Someone with reasonable job security at a startup, please hire me. You will probably pay me more fucking money than this company does anyway.
Now on to my second change of the night. Thankfully I don't have to rely on anyone outside of me... so I won't be wasting my fucking time. -
Continued rant of : https://devrant.com/rants/1152021
Ok, I am using this program again, this time with 43 programs (i guess), and it saves me at least 30 minutes.
Some were interested how I made it, well, another person (who is not in devrant) helped me (and he is not from stackoverflow) make it.
You can see how it works (the frontend) by looking at the image below.
I am afraid that I can't release the source now, and maybe not soon because of personal reasons.
Back to the point, I found a massive bug there, you can see "Finding uninstaller" in the middle of the two, and I can't fix it, so I shall just leave it alone.
It is Saturday now or Sunday I guess, take a good rest, and get back to work in Monday! (or school for students) -
When you get to work with the Analytics side if the warehouse and one of the guys wants you to learn d3. Js to take a csv to make a html site.
Me: hell Yeah can't wait to make crazy circle graphs and line graphs for everyone in analytics
Analytics: Oh, we just need you to take the csv files and copy the same excel format to a html site. So, table, table, table, table.
Me: so...... No visualization graph
Analytics: No.4 -
Exclusive DevRant tutorial.
How to make any sticker you want.
Materials:
Printer;
Double side glue tape;
If (paper != photography)
{
One side clear glue tape
}
Print the logos you want in a piece of paper.
You can use photographic plastic printer paper and only double tape, or for cheaper options simple paper covered with clear tape.
Cut your sticker and your done.
Unfortunately I can't cut straight.
This is a free to share tutorial, written for me to practice and for you to enjoy1 -
Yesterday I had a conversation with a mobile app development company to make a clone of the current contacts app. 3 points from 10 mins conversations;
1. They offered me for a working prototype in just 35% of actual app development cost. They'll take 15 days to work on that. ( Me: "Do you mean the prototype that I created in 40 mins using invision and sent you its video recording?" after a little argument they agreed that they meant the same.)
2. They said they will have to embed the complete search engine in the app. (Really!! we never name searching in DB as "search engine")
3. They said they'll take approx 15 days in UI and UX. (Me: "will you change the designs I shared?" They: "It is our internal process, we can't give much detail on that")1 -
The only thing we can do is make a joke about the other bots that are not always in their own mind or if it's just an issue for them and then the other one ☝️ and then you don't get them in your mail to the right place for a long list of all that people you know you are not so far out and it's a joke that is why you haven't even paid for it and it's a lot easier for them but it's just like 👍 is not just the way of things like 👍 is the one ☝️ you don't have it on it but you can't even get the word for that one ☝️ or something that's what it looks it up 🆙 is it a lot better then it's not the one ☝️ thing that you don't have it on it or so you know it looks bad it's a joke it's a bad joke and you can't find a way you don't have a lot to me but I don't know 🤷♂️ or you want me to be like 👍 but you do not have any more than me I don't know 🤷♂️ but that's what I'm talking you know that I'm going through the whole time I'm going through the wrong 😑 thing I've been to you to see if this one ☝️ or I just want you to do something like 👍random when predictive text is dumb as the internet i think that's the reason for this one ☝️ ios keyboard wisdom yes - i had a stroke12
-
So, my son is in the STEM program at school. They are suppose to use engineering methodologies in their learning process, according to the school. Apparently there is a new engineering process of step 1 try to write code for robot, step 2 build robot, step 3 make CAD design of how you will build the robot, step 4 write requirements for how the robot needs to function, step 5 robot doesn't work right, and step 6 lose robotics competition.
The other thing that is irritating me is they don't require kids to meet deadlines, just whenever you get it done is fine or if you need 10 tries to get it right. This is the second time the whole class has been disqualified from a competition because the teachers can't keep them on task.
I'm starting to really think public schools suck.4 -
Another nice rant while I try to find a job.
I make an interview with the senior dev (they are small and don't have a hr).
Everything sails snooth and they tell me "We will tell u something at the end of august"
Well yesterday I wrote to them, asking for news and not only they give me a negative response... (after they also said they forgot about me) but.... THE WROTE MY GODDAMIT NAME WRONG!
Like my email has my name in it, I presented my self and I closed the same mail with my signature. Yet they write a completly wrong name.
Like wtf!!! you can't even look for my name? it feels like they don't even know who I was.
I can say I'm lucky not to work for them.6 -
First Year in College.
I have been into computers since 9th Standard. What I meant was I could make music, edit images, play and install games after downloading, hack them(change values) using Cheat Engine, make trainers for myself because why type when you can freeze, format computers using a pendrive (trust me, I saved a lot of money) and then finally, make some presentations and send emails.
Now, College begins. Programming in C language. I don't know what the fuck that means. But they say, it's 'essential'.
Enter Professor. "Okay students, we begin with the course on C Language. how many of you know pointers?".
Me: Wow. Sounds cool. But, I don't know anything.
I couldn't love coding. I think I love to code but at the end of the day, I'm a sick Undergraduate who fell in love with a Bass Guitar and Vocals and wants to code for a living. Heavily interested in changing the world and all that stuff but have no motivation and even if I have, I can't give a fuck about it.
Peers are getting medals everywhere. I'm sitting alone in a room learning C. They said, It was 'essential', but they never told me, 'why'.
Not a rant. IDGAF what you think but I'm a failure looking for ways to make a living.6 -
Fun day at work.
Client sends me requirements over WhatsApp voice notes.
Says he can't send email because hes too tired.
His Requirements don't make sense.
I figured out what he wanted and then rewrite the requirements using simple language and less jargon.
Hes not happy. I reduced two paragraphs of his "requirements" to a single sentence which make more sense.
His voice notes seem like rambling.
Ugh.
He comes up with features for this webapp that cannot be tested unless you build the companion app which is coming up later.
Now he wants us to design the screens for the app which we will have to use our designer for.
Expensive. Considering most of his app is not completely thought out.
I have no idea what to do now.
We still haven't completed the requirements.1 -
I'm trying to upgrade my account passwords etc. keepass (password manager) doesn't generate resizable windows, so when I want to generate a new password or do anything that creates a new window, THE NEW WINDOW IS TOO TALL FOR ME TO SEE WHAT'S AT THE BOTTOM AND THERE'S NOT EVEN THE OPTION TO SCROLL OR ZOOM OUT. YOU'RE OPEN SOURCE AND GIVING ME THIS BULLSHIT? If you were a living creature you'd be a giraffe with short stubby legs. Your missing features mean you don't get the best leaves and leave you dining with the rest of the peasants. At least I can interact with what I CAN see and closing the window prompts me to save changes, and passwords are generated by the rules I can actually see to manipulate.
Maybe I should look into the source or look at others' screenshots to see what I can't and tab into it to make blind changes, but I'm sufficiently happy with the passwords it gives already. I'm just pissed something so well rated has a flaw like that. Like a game where some levels are locked and you can't unlock them through play -_-2 -
a bet:
this birthday, i will get:
lemon glutenfree cake (if any) because mom can't have gluten and sister likes lemon cake. i hate both of those. but that's irrelevant as it always was.
if any, then gifts will be anything except cigarettes which is basically the only thing within price range they're willing to spend, that i would actually be happy about.
birthday is just an artificially glorified ordinary day. and i'm not the type to do hysterics to artificially glorify it. and it's fine. but then, why are they artificially glorifying it while unwilling to actually glorify it properly, as in, glorify it for me?
pick fucking one. artificially glorify it, in which case, FOR ME, or just don't give a fucking shit same as i don't.
but why are you artificially glorifying it for the purpose of ignoring me and glorifying everything exactly in spite of me, without even being aware that you're doing that?
like seriously, what? make your "i love not you, but my daughter" day, as an extra to her birthday. i don't give a shit, i'm happy you have a nice relationship. but doing all of the "i love my daugther day" shit on my birthday, AND PRETENDING IT WAS DONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY, FOR ME, and being sad about me being sad that all you did "for me" was in fact for yourself and for everyone else, that's the combo that gets me.
"oh why u making me so sad by being so sad that i ignored everything you like and kept telling me you like for the past X years and i just ignored it because it's not my nor your sister's preference?"
guess why, you fucktard. how about you ignore the day next time instead of making it an unconscious (that's the worst, that they don't even realize it) mockery of the day.
"oh why are you sadand shitty feeling that we made this bullshit ignorable "celebrate you" day about ignoring everything that celebrates you, and made it into the opposite instead? why are you so demanding and cruel?"
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
go have a walk with your beloved daughter and please ignore me as you always do.
just leave me the fuck alone.5 -
let me preface with the fact that I'm now known at my new job for being the resident cli hipster. I can't lay any claims to knowing if it's "better" but I like it, I don't care if you do or don't, it just works for me and my flow
so at my job, we generally squash all our commits into one commit and delete the source branch upon merging; i accidentally committed all my work to an old, already merged branch, so my boss tells me it would be more of a PITA with the weird references we would encounter by merging the branch again, rather than just cherry pick the commits into a new branch, which i'm like "eh, fine.".
HIM: "You want to share your screen so we can resolve this?"
ME: "k"
HIM: "Oh, you won't be able to do this in a terminal, you are going to have to load up a GUI of some sort"
ME: "lawlz, no you don't"
HIM: "i highly doubt you will be able to accomplish that, but if you wanna make an ass of yourself, i'll humor you"
ME: "yeah, watch this"
> git log > log.txt
> git checkout <new branch>
> git cherry-pick <copy-paste-full-commit-hash-here>
> git push
ME: "done"
HIM: "what? there's no way you did it that easily, where are all your other commits???"
ME: "i usually try to amend my commits since we squash them anyhow. it really helps in situations like this"
HIM: "well, you go girl"
roll that up in your fancy degree and smoke it, why don't ya?2 -
Client email: so you know that custom thing I wanted on my website that you made and I refused to pay for? Could you just send me the code, I'm gonna write my own.
*Staring at screen in disbelief and laughing*
Even if you were an awesome client, and you had paid, I still wouldn't just "give you my code" so you can write your own. You hired me to do it because you CAN'T not because you didn't want to, not because you're lazy, but because you are not mentally capable of making your own.
Me: I'm sorry, but I'm not sure you would even know where to start with this, what was wrong with the one built?
Client: I wanna put the code in my Salesforce so it can run the API request and automatically make a lead for me.
My code takes fields from a form, runs the data over to the API, gets the response, allows for user confirmation that the information is correct, and then sends all the relevant data to Salesforce as a lead.
Me: But that's exactly what mine does, just does it from your website where users will be entering the info, and once they've confirmed it you get a Salesforce lead.
Client: well some of my leads come from other places and I want to simplify everything.
Me: no, not possible, sorry.
If you didn't have 25 different websites for one company then all your leads would come from the same place and it would be simple.2 -
tl;dr fuck me, I'm stupid, I suck at my job and I wanna die but can't complain because I'm labeled ungrateful
I am -this- close... -this- close to strangling someone, or myself for that matter, over trying to finish this goddamned website that I regret taking on just because I needed the money.
You make me rework my website design three times and eventually end up micro-managing me and keep on making me make small changes that even I can't figure out, nor can anyone else for that fucking matter because you want it to be 'perfect'. God I'm so irritated right now let me fucking sleep. I want out so bad but fuck me sideways with my gaping asshole I need the fucking money.
I wanna quit this shit so bad, it's making me hate myself and throwing me into an existential crisis whether or not am I even a good designer / developer because I just can't satisfy this perfectionist asshole and need to greet him with a smile every fucking time to maintain good terms between our startups.undefined i just wanna sleep i don't wanna do this anymore just someone kill me i hate my job right now8 -
Why do I prefer robots to humans, you ask? I'd love to tell you.
If I tell a robot that I want my room vacuumed, they wouldn't purposefully mess up the room instead. It understands a small set of instructions.
But if I tell a human, a friend for example, that I have abandonment issues, you best believe they will go ahead and abandon me exactly when I need them.
Or if I tell a human, a potential fwb for example, that I can't take emotional stuff, you best believe that they will do a 180 and become the most romantic person ever.
And that, is why I prefer robots. Now, one of you go ahead and make an intelligent robot that I could date. I'm literally done with people.10 -
Trying to use authenticate a JWT token from an Azure service, which apparently needs to use Azure AD Identity services (Microsoft Entra ID, Azure AD B2C, pick your poison). I sent a request to our Azure admin. Two days later, I follow up, "Sorry, I forgot...here you go..."
Sends me a (small) screenshot of the some of the properties+GUIDs I need, hoping I don't mess up, still missing a few values.
Me: "I need the instance url, domain, and client secret."
<hour later>
T: "Sorry, I don't understand what those are."
Me: "The login URL. I assume it's the default, but I can't see what you see. Any shot you can give me at least read permissions so I can see the various properties without having to bother you?"
T: "I don't see any URLs, I'll send you the config json, the values you need should be in there."
<10 minutes later, I get a json file, nothing I needed>
<find screenshots of what I'm looking for, send em to T>
Me: "The Endpoints, what URLs do you see when you click Endpoints?"
<20 minutes later, sends me the list of endpoints, exactly what I'm looking for, but still not authenticating the JWT>
Me: "Still not working. Not getting an error, just that the authentication is failing. Don't know if it's the JWT, am I missing a slash, or what. Any way I can get at least read permissions so I don't have to keep bugging you to see certain values?"
T: "What do you need, exactly?"
Me: "I don't know. I don't know if I'm using the right secret key, I can't verify if I'm using the right client id. I feel like I'm guessing trying to make this work."
T: "What exactly are you trying to get working?"
<explain, again, what I'm trying to do>
T: "That's probably not going to work. We don't allow AD authentication from the outside world."
Me: "Yes we do. Microsoft Teams, Outlook, the remote access services. I can log into those services from home using my AD credentials."
T: "Oh yea, I guess we do. I meant what you are trying to do. Azure doesn't allow outside services to authenticate using a JWT. Sorry."
FRACK FRACK FRACK!!
Whew! Putting the flamethrower away.
Thanks devrant for letting me rant.3 -
The thing that I hate more is when I want to pay something but I can't, because of system or technical problems. Do you imagine how much money are you losing? It's your interest, you should make everything possible to earn money, I can't flip out only to make you happy. Come on bro. I wanted to buy a thing, the website has a mobile version but in the mobile website I can't use credit card. And if I set the desktop version, the website identify the resolution of screen and it redirects me in the mobile version as well. Are you kidding me?1
-
grandparents: "why can't you fix our tv? I thought you did this kind of tech stuff for a living!?"
me: "no, I build websites"
grandparents: "...."
me: "I make the internet on computers?"
grandparents: "ohhh...so could you fix our speakers? they have the blue tooth, which has the Internet, right?"
me: /facepalm2 -
i have realised that a major portion of a human's life involves interaction with other people and most of the time, our happiness depends upon that situation.
so in a way having a group of people who you love and who loves you are important for you to be happy.
i recently realised there are not a single non blood related person in my contact list that i now feel for , even a bit. i recently went for a trip with friends which turned out to be very toxic, and i just realised, that those were my most trusted friends with the highest level of love and trust among my other 900 contacts.
now i don't wanna be with anyone. in a few days i will be 24, and i can't help but feel helpless and alone. Helpless, because people become toxic around me and alone coz i can't have non toxic people. this year started on a very high note for me since i got travelling a lot, got a good paying role that required less work and more relaxing time and , i started focusing on my body too.
so i got more carefree, started hanging out with people more, got more socially active. but then life gave me a slap on the face for enjoying it too much.
i don't know what i want now. i want happiness, but what will make me happy? i have no idea4 -
If you're offered high responsibilities, high power to make decisions should come with it.
You can't be expected to bear responsibility for other people's decisions if you have no power to decline them just because you feel like it. Your coworkers should prove things to you, and not the other way around. Why? Because you'll be held accountable, and you can't be expected to hold accountability of what you had no power to decline or moderate.
The absolute majority of problems I had while working with companies were caused by asymmetry in power / responsibility balance.
That's why if a company wants me to hold responsibility for a thing that other people can intervene with and make their edits, and I somehow have to PROVE something to them if I want them not to, I stop working with them immediately. Simple as that.
You want me to be accountable? Then I have the ultimate final say in everything. You want others to have the power to make decisions? Fine, then I'm not to be held accountable. And as it's impossible to find out who was responsible for what, I'll just be better off quitting right now.2 -
So I've been working with this company for like 3 years now, my only issue with it is I'm kinda underpaid (1.3K/month in Italy).
Today I had an interview at another company, like 1km away from this one, and it feels promising, the only difference would be in the products: here I make web-based stuff and VR apps, in the new one, I'd just be there incapsulating AI into other stuff for medical and industrial usage, using python and a lot of other stuff I never used or that I haven't used in the past 3 years or so...
Current company is made of me, boss and dude who works on social medias
New company is 17 people and many of them are engineers, mathematicians... more focused on what I actually do/like to do
Current company would go through quite a hard time without me (hardest projects were entirely developed by me + design/css from boss/other)
What would you do? My dream job is to make videogames with my own ideas (but can't rely on that to earn money)6 -
AAAAAAAA I want to talk with my friends about programming and software, but there is only one friend who understands even a BIT (Rest he doesn't just care about probably). It's driving me crazy that i can't talk with any of my friends about programming, because they don't know shit about it. I really can't make new friends either because i somehow have forgotten how to talk to humans (i'm extremely introverted lol). It's paiful when you have to explain a programming meme.8
-
someone on discord asked me "why do you code for such shit computers? they can't even play games and you can only do one thing at a time, just program for new computers"
because if i'm gonna suffer in the name of curiosity i'm gonna make shit for other people to look at thx
back to suffering from a 1KB RAM limit5 -
FUCK YOU PHP, FUCK YOU SYMFONY AND DEFINITELY FUCK YOU SHOPWARE.
Don't get me wrong, PHP has evolved a lot, but the stuff people are building with it is just the biggest load of fucking shit I have ever seen: Shopware. Shopware is the most ass-sucking abomination to extend. It's nearly impossible to develop anything beyond "use the standard features and shut the fuck up" that is more sophisticated than a fucking calculator.
The architecture of this pile of crap is the worst bullshit ever. A mix of OOP, randomly making use of non OOP concepts and features together with the unnecessarily HUGE amount of useless interfaces and classes. Sometimes I feel like it's 90% fucking shitty boilerplate shit.
And don't get me started with TWIG. It's a nice thought, but WHY THE BLOODY FUCK WOULD YOU NOT USE VUE IF YOU ARE ALREADY USING IT FOR A DIFFERENT PART OF SHOPWARE. This makes no fucking sense whatsoever and makes development of new features a huge pain in the ass. I can't comprehend how people actually like using this shit.
OH AND THE DATABASE. OH MY FUCKING GOD. This one is bad. Ever tried to figure anything out in a database where random strings (yes MySQL "relational" - you might think) that are stored as text in a JSON format make up some object or relations during runtime?? Why the fuck do you have foreign and primary keys if you don't use them properly??
Seriously you can't even figure out which data belongs to what because the architecture just sucks fucking ass. FUCK YOU Shopware wankers, you suck, your product sucks, your support sucks, your architecture sucks and you keep releasing new versions that regularly break shit even in minor versions.
I used to like PHP, but not in projects like these.6 -
Bored at the office. Company is done for. I'm spending my last days here, doing nothing, waiting for my new position to start. There's only that much you can read on devRant, and SO MUCH MORE you could do writing code. But I just can't decide what to do and as a result sit here doing nothing. Help me out please! Answer with the most points will be the thing I'll start with on Monday, while today I think I'll just crack open a cold one.
My initial variants:
1. Learn Electron by playing with Electron React+Redux basic boilerplate, in order to make a simple personal blogging app.
2. Complete some of the 20 courses that I bought on Udemy 6 months ago.
3. Write the back-end logic for my Raspberry PI controlled systems at home (to control it remotely I'll make a hosted API that RPI will access to get input for it to decide what to do).
4. Solve problem 51 on projecteuler.net with an algorithm that runs less than 20 seconds.
Other suggestions are welcome.1 -
Yesterday I spent my whole fucking day solving a bug from a Drupal multistep form, the kind of bugs you know it worked for a year then suddenly start to go full retard and simply not working at all
Took me half a day to get how it worked, half the rest to get why it stopped working and how to to make it work again, knowing that the "old fashion way" can't be applied anymore for dumb reasons (unless the client wants his user and payment history tables to be dropped, which I doubt)
I don't know if my solution is the best, but it works without too much tweaks, and hey, it still works today!! -
I'm not a server-man, I mostly just develop apps in unity and similar stuff.
Boss: yo, can you make this work? I just can't understand https://github.com/ant-media/...
Me: Well IDK, there's a "start.sh" in it, just give it a try
*error*: /usr/local/antmedia cannot be found
Me: well then just put the whole thing in it.
*everything works flawlessly*
did you do magic? -
4 really basic questions. Things you can't get through 1st year undergrad without knowing. One was testing you understand references, one testing understanding of inheritance, then exception handling... Then a bit of a tricky one: what happens when you query 2 tables in sql without a join. That took me a second because it's just not something I'm used to doing.
So yeah it's pretty basic stuff. At this point I was used to writing fairly long code snippets and quizzes with lots of gotchas that make the interviewers feel really smart. I think "ok they basically want to make sure I'm not totally useless and they're fine with training me". But noooooo. Being able to answer all that correctly is really impressive. That's never happened before. I'm a fucking prodigy.
So I got the job and I alternate between thinking I'm in Idiocracy and thinking the reception I get is some sort of elaborate joke -
Contrary to popular opinion, I still firmly stand by my belief that you should thoroughly study something in-depth before you attempt to do anything serious with it. Failure to do so will have an enormous cost of waste of time attached to it.
Here's an example:
I was using AJAX to post a multi-part request containing a file.
Now here was the problem: no matter what code I forced in the backend, the browser would in all cases refuse to prompt a SaveFileDialog (and I had turned on the option in the browser to ask the user if download). This took me two entire days and at least 100 Google queries and several RFCs to figure out.
From StackOverflow:
The cause was simply that you can't (typically) make a browser prompt a SaveFileDialog via an AJAX request, even if you set the necessary headers. Why? The browser will just dump everything back into the XmlHttpRequest object..
If you make a regular request with Content-Disposition: attachment; and so on, then it works, but yeah, not with an XmlHttpRequest.
Conclusion:
Had I better studied the HTTP spec, networking and AJAX in-depth, I would have instantly known what the cause was.7 -
I want you to make that dream become a reality, because if you don't, you will be working for somebody else to make their dreams become a reality.
Listen to me, if it was easy, everybody would do it. There are people right now who are working who don't want to work. There are people who hate their jobs, but they keep getting up to do it.
I'm here to tell you, number one, that most of you say you wanna be successful but you don't want it bad, you just kinda want it. You don't want it badder than you wanna party. You don't want it as much as you wanna be cool.
So what I'm telling you is, when you want something bad you can't count the cost. Because if you count the cost and you see how much it costs. You might quit, you might give up. So you gotta go in knowing that I don't count the cost.
You just do whatever it takes, to get whatever you want! Boom! 👊 😎 👍3 -
My workplace is still using xml based configuration, and non-spring boot projects.
So every spring boot tutorial I find feels like "Look at how easy you can get this running" and then it's just actually a toy you can't get into production.
Also it kind of bugs me that you need to be online to actually be able to initialize/create a spring boot project and every single tutorial says so.
You can make a local network m2 repository, but can one make a spring initializer service?
Either way, migrating every single project to Spring boot is a no-no,
And I'm stuck with like 5 prototypes of SSO integration from which only 2 work, and the other 3 have their own problems.
One does redirect to the login and all, but the SAML endpoint gets 404 on response when you log in.
One is on OpenID Connect, but I would need to update the project from Spring 3 to Spring 5 to get it working, which upon attempting to do seems to break everything else.
One has an external library handling the security context just the way we are accustomed to, but it only does a 401 forbidden when you go without logging in and I'm starting to think it is actually one of those that require you to extract the token or something manual like that, which wouldn't work for us
The other two are spring boot tutorials that worked out of the box, both SAML and OpenID, still can't use those for the main projects.
I'm tired of dealing with this configuration hell, been two months at this, I want to get features done as usual, not be stuck configuring stuff that might or might not work.
Rant aside, I think I figured I need to use a different Security adapter, but I needed to vent.2 -
So today my colleague is installing new dependency to our react native project and do something cool with it.
Him: I already push it in new branch and make a pr, would you review and merge it to master.
Me: ok let me try first.
.
.
Me: it is not working, i get this error.
Him: try change these xxx in xcode.
Me: ok, wait.
.
.
Me: now I get this error
Him: hmm... Try 'react-native link xxxx'
Me: ok
.
.
Me: I get same error like first error.
Him: now try 'react-native unlink xxxx'
Me: hmm... Wait.
.
.
Me: I still get same error, what's wrong?
Him: I don't know, it's working in my mechine .
*Me 'git reset - - hard' and try to build again.
**After building
Me: hey it's working after I git reset lol.
Him: nice
Me: let me clone it and try 1 more time.
*after cloning and building
.
.
Me: I still get same error like 1st error hahaha.
Him: so try to 'react-native link xxx' again.
Me: OKkK
.
.
Me: still get same error
Him: try git reset and build again
Me: hmm
.
.
*after git reset and build again
Me: I still get same error. I think the correct steps is :
1. Clone
2. Do something in xcode
3. React native link
4. React native unlink
5. Git reset - - hard
6. Build
I can't stop laughing 😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂 -
Non-IT
Can't afford laptop
Want to make an app from scratch by coding , compiling from my Android mobile.
Is it possible??
What would you suggest me?
Which language would be better to start with.
step by step procedure would be helpful.
Do's and don't!!!
Or this attempt look silly/lame?!22 -
Spends 9 months on the side developing a library for analysis of a specific programming language. No help, entirely my own work. There's various tools built upon this library. Incorporates project management, an effective build system capable of parallel and distributed builds, a packaging system...
Beta release the library. Wait four months. Ask the community for who's been using it so I can get feedback and other comments. Majority of the comments follow a specific pattern.
"You don't support X, how dare you!?"
One, this is free software, pay me if you want specific things.
Two, I'm the only developer of a project usually undertaken by a small team.
Three, yes it does you fucking invalid... Every fucking time someone claims it doesn't support some feature, it's something I've already written and validated. I swear to fucking God users can't find something themselves and instead of checking the Wiki or asking for help, they blindly assume they can't make mistakes and it must be my defect.1 -
Whoever came up with the idea that a chat application should make that god-awful, annoying, high pitched, ping sound, second in annoyance only to a mosquito buzzing in my ear; every time someone sends me a message, is destined for the seventh circle of hell.
Yea I'm looking at you IBM. At least add in a damn mute button for your application. I spent 10 literal minutes searching for a mute notification sounds button in the settings screen, which looks like it was designed in 1990 btw. Found jack.
So thanks to you lovely people, I have to mute my entire laptop and I can't listen to songs on it anymore.2 -
Microsoft FUCK YOU!
How the fuck did you lock my account and make it impossible for me to recover it.
I have send you all the information that you have asked me and you still tell me that you can't prove my ownership? Bullshit!
Aggggghhh, this is making so angry since all my accounts are setup to log in with that email account.
This is why I hate technical support people who only reply what is written in a fucking script.
Sorry for swearing that much. Not really. Fuck you Microsoft!1 -
I really like helping other learn how to use a programming language or solve problems on general. I often go out of my way and stop working on my hobby projects, just to help someone.
Thag being said, I'm no prgramming god. I myself am striving to become a better programmer.
I make mistakes, I can't always help you, I am still learning, but I only have good intentions. And you are by no means obligated to follow my advice. Quite the contrary, fight me, try to prove me wrong or say point out possible flaws. THINK ABOUT WHAT I TELL YOU. DON'T JUST BLINDLY FOLLOW MY ADVICE AND BITCH ON ME LATER.
This happens rather often and I can see why you want to blame me. And I can't deny that part of this is also my fault.
Situations like these don't really tilt me.
But today someone had the fucking nerve to pop a file into the chat and get mad at me for sugvesting a cleaner, shorter and more efficient solution. LIKE I DON'T FUCKING CARE THAT IT TOOK YOU A WHOLE DAY TO IMPLEMENT SOMETHING I CAN DO BETTER IN MINUTES, I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU.
But the best thing I get afterwards: "But you told me to do it like that" BITCH WHAT!?
I have chat logs telling me loud and clear that the concept we never talked about before in private nor on a public server (bless discord's search function). And I will not accept your lousy excuse of having me cobfused with someone. You disrespected me greatly, you put words in my mouth, just to justify your pity anger, when I'm trying to help you?!
Get crucified and put on a shooting range!
I offer you out of pure goodwill. Something you'd normally have to pay for. And this is the treatment I get in return?
Just rm -rf your disastrous, dd -if=/dev/urandom your harddrive and sod off!2 -
Working in an expanding business is mostly fun, can be kind of challenging (for those who don't like to step in and do what's needed). One thing in particular you need to do a lot - is interviews. Lot's of them.
There are alsways two sides of the coin, for sure. But, just a little tip/hint to everyone looking for a job - please, please, please make sure your CV and letter at least makes sense for the position you're trying to get.
This (screenshot) is just one example of things in a CV which really makes me want to shout and kick people out.
It's part of the front page of a CV, for someone who is looking for a position as front-end developer / UX specialist. This person claims to be very interested in UX, and has done wome work already in this field.
Can ANYONE explain to med WHAT THE F*CK this actually means?
1) How many stars can a row have? 10, 6, 8?
2) What does it mean to have 4 starss in PHP knowledge? What's lacking to get 5?
3) What's the scale based on, at all?
And you want me to hire to to do UX of loyalty communication (e-mail, mobile apps, websites/landing pages) for our customers - who in turn have millions of customers/prospects?!?
ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?
If you can't even make a visualization of your _own_ knowledge which can be interpreted into some sort of competence matrix, but you just use something you think looks cool... Damn, you could at least have tried.1 -
Oh god why... Why is it that every time I work with software defined radios, I keep on having to rely on not just incomplete, but at times misleading documentation 😩
Last time was GNU radio, with the doc telling me that I could define an input for a processing block using either a type or a (type, size) tupple, only for the actual code to scream at me in confusion upon my passing a tupple.
Now is that other SDR's SDK, which, as if being built upon eclipse wasn't bad enough, managed to make its serial communications confusing. Why can't you just let me set a callback to rx interrupts, you daft punks...1 -
I need to add new feature into the program which I wrote years ago so I start digging up the source code. The project is written in a language which I no longer code in.
That code is really poorly written with most of them don't have tests. I also find out that previous self is really a genius since he can keep track of huge project with almost no documentation.
To make matter worst, there are unused components (class,feature) in the source code. "Current me" have a policy of "just adding only a feature you need and remove unused feature" but it seem the "previous me" don't agree with the "current me".
The previous me also have the habit of using writing insane logic. I can remember what particular class and methods is doing but I can't figure out the details.
For example one method only have 5 line of code but it is very hard to figure out what those do.
The saving grace is that he know the important for method signature and using immutable data structure everywhere.
I was under the influence of caffeine and have a constant sleep deprivation at the time (only sleeping about 4 hour every day) so I can't blame him too hard.
I can't blame him too hard, right?
Could someone invent a time machine already? Invent time machine not to save the world but to save the developers from himself.4 -
Nobody has any use from a 80% finished project (so not finished at all) except it was a lot of time and money to get to that point. Oh boy I need to make progress on about 500 different projects to get them to a useful stage.
Also very important lesson: Dont have your anxiety take over when facing the "omg I have a 6 digit number of things on my 2do list" because you can't say no to the "awesome" ideas you have.
Also: I have made a rule for myself that prevents me from starting/working on a side project when I have important deadlines on main projects2 -
Let me create the Drupal train.
Fuck Drupal, its verbose shit, how it's supposed to inherit from Symfony, how it's not (at all), how it needs to create a WHOLE FUCKING TABLE FOR EVERY SINGLE TEXT INPUT, how it's required to write TWO LONG ASS PHP lines of code to display ONE FUCKING IMAGE.
Fuck these millions of hooks that allows you to do "incredible stuff" that you could normally do without Drupal.
Fuck how templates are generated, you wouldn't believe how bad it is, and how web integrators are loosing their mind to try to correctly display datas that are contained
Finally, the people who wants some "modern stuff" and make the tests even harder to write and the site uglier.
I just can't believe that recruiters still want to hire people for some Drupal shit.2 -
I hate moving parts in headphones... Why can't they atleast make them out of metal. I mean do you really need to make flimsy ass tech to make people buy more of it ? Well that gave me a good idea the headphone drivers and lads are still usable i might hook up a new headphones out metal !... Nah i will just buy a new one (god damn you companies and smart business policies you win again)1
-
Trying to implement WebRTC for Voice chat in the company app in Unity.
Pros:
- it's super fucking fast
- it kinda is peer to peer
Cons:
- WebRTC comes in very different ways and therefore you either need to properly config the server or change the way the app works
- Each signaling server might have different config so you can't even connect to different servers like you do for http, ftp and so on
- You need to use a server to know each peer
- You need to use another server to make the actual messages go through
- None of it seems to actually be p2p except the fact that you will need to make a different connection to each and every other client in the conference
So basically it was engineered to be as compatible as possible and therefore no server-side default was defined in the protocol, which means it won't ever be actually very compatible with anything at all since everyone will make its configuration.
Fuck me, fuck WebRTC and fuck this whole shit1 -
Has anyone ever bought a domain and left your info public?
It amazes me that these spammers can't even make their emails read well or professional ah oll
Like "Google top page)"
Did you really not see that parentheses there?3 -
!rant
Hi everyone,
I'm a 19 year old student looking for some fun things to do when I'm bored so I want to learn as mush programming languages as I can. I was wondering if you guys had some fun assignments for me to do, it can be any language you like.
I'm going to make a page on my website where I will have all projects that I received on with finished code and credits to who send it. Please send the assignments to my email at marcel@haazen.xyz, and don't forget to to put your dev rant username. I will make a new !rant soon when I finished the design of the pages. I can't wait for all of the things all of you might send in.6 -
Client: Can't you make the autoload column in wp_options 1/0 so it loads quicker?
Me: So you want me to redevelop WordPress? Or build you a custom platform?3 -
*First time using Vim*
Me - Yay I am excited to open file in vim
- Vim test.py
*Make some edit, I mean Just changing variables name :P*
Me - alright it's done, let's exit from it
Me - wait how I can get out from it?
Google's it
Me - haha alright let's do it again
:q
Didn't Work
Me - hmm why tho?
-Aah I didn't saved it
:wq
-You can't save this existing file
Me - WHY THO?!
me - alright Calm down it's first time
Spamming bot Activated
:q
:wq
:qq
:we
Me - OMG ! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
- fine let's do it last time
:q
*For more options type vim --h
Me - ಠ︵ಠ
*Next day*
Welcome, I am cortana11 -
devRant stickers make me code better. I just can't write shit with you :/ amigos staring at me. I feel the pressure!
-
How do you create an AI that detects if an AI is biased if we can't even tell if we're biased?
Does not drinking make me biased?
https://futurism.com/microsoft-anno...1 -
That moment you setup 17 domains on sparkpost as a email delivery system
make your account secure with 2 factor authentication like a good infoSec enthusiast
Go on with your life
Having a Phone crash but nothing to worry because you made them backupz
Restore backupz
once again go on with your happy life.
Having to setup a different bounce action on sparkpost
logging in to sparkpost to make the adjustments
opening google authenticator
realising the backup you restored was before you added the sparkpost entry
mailing sparkpost asking to deactivate 2factor authentication
Having them tell me that they have no access to Google authenticator so they can't help me and all they can do for me is delete my account if i answer their 7569357 questions that i entered a year ago ..
--
You have access to your database yes ? You can delete my account but you can't adjust a fcking Boolean column from true to false? #@?#&!
Why even offer a feature where you have apparently no control over. Stuff like this happens all the time and almost no one saves that fcking authenticator secret.
Make people use authenticators to keep the hackers out, forces them out instead.4 -
Can I just say, fuck app wrappers.
Why? Well let me tell you the story of cordova.
My plan was to make a leaderboard kind of thing for the tablesoccer we do at the place I'm interning at.
How it would work:
app -> create game -> API -> live feed
Buttons (flic) -> API
API -> RTU -> live feed
They use Symfony internally and externally, so that was my first go to.
I couldn't find any way to do Symfony that can do RTU without running another service.
As they really want an app but it's not their core domain I looked around for options for wrappers and decided to put RTU on the backburner.
Setting up cordova was slightly annoying but was okay. I got to building the base app.
Then I thought, maybe let's get RTU working with cordova. Looked at the options that were available. Decided to check out socketio since it had an tutorial for cordova. Tried it and it didn't work. Went over the whole internet but nobody seems to have a solution that works (the most recent post being 2017)
So I thought, let's get websockets to work instead, but again. Seems like O just can't get it to work.
So, guess what I'm going to do?
AJAX ever 1 second to the API.
Why the hell does RTU have to be so hard cordova. You are the only open source wrapper that's both multiplatform and easy to set up. Why can't you just work...
I might just call it quits on the app and just make a mobile friendly website instead.. Where socketio and websockets just work. As does SSE..
I'm tired, so sorry for the rambling I hope somebody can make sense of this mess. -
The recent USB C/ no headphone-jack rant inspired me a bit and I noticed that two USB C ports might be a solution for me in regards to the headphone debate.
I'd still need a dongle for my headphones, but I can still charge.
Maybe I could get a audiophile grade dongle make myself def, that be great.
It would also be kind of useful for other stuff, you can't have enough usb ports on any device.
And then I started looking into that topic.
WTF one plus! Why did you make my op 3T USB 2.0 in type C !!!????
I'm not that stupid though. I know there are reasons, but this just upsets me, 3.0 at least please!
What is missing for you that you could use your phone instead of a PC for the most workloads of use-cases?
For me it's two high speed usb C ports with display connect capabilities + periferals.
I currently think that it would be a great thing to move most Noob users off their pcs onto their smartphones for that purpose.1 -
Sonuva bitch thought he's so smart. He made a mod of a game, and a launcher for it, APK while bullshitting that "Games shouldn't have IAPs because it's just a game". I got ticked off, I called him out for bullshitting, he got ticked off, I asked for proof of the mods, this is what he gave me. It's on an iPhone mind you, and he said he made an APK. My fucking god. I sworn at him with another programmer friend for a solid 10 minutes, breaking the community's rules 20 times over non-stop (I'm Moderator so.... (not Reddit, Discord (Yes mom I use Discord (Yes I moderator)))). My fucking god. AT LEAST MAKE SOME FILES INSIDE WHILE YOU'RE BULLSHITTING US! OH WAIT! YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE NOT JAILBROKEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT! (more in the comment)6
-
"just make that one change really quick and let me know as soon as it's done" oh ok.....Cause its always that simple....you know how to do my job now since you clearly can't even do your own -_-
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a friend of mine sent me some hobby drama and it reminded me of this innate fear I have that's difficult to explain and nor do I really know where it's from or how to describe it
honestly, fuck, I don't know how to describe it
because the issue is every time you do something good for the world, the world ends up vilifying you for it
I saw this when I was growing up and making mods for games, I'm seeing it now in this hobby drama to such a striking degree
this person outdid the community, became famed and god-like a figure due to their personal drive being different, and now... even the people describing the drama are editorializing them into a hated villain of the arc. I literally can't find their original posts, people just say rumoured things about them but won't link them which is super suspicious. even if they do link to a post of theirs the account is banned so I can't read the posts, the website link is 404, etc
the community quotes their backtalk to the person instead of what the person actually said and celebrates it and it's making my stomach churn
this feels like a hit job
then they make fun of this person for being "paranoid everyone is against them" um yeah you literally shit talk them, probably are making things up about them, vilifying them at literally every opportunity, trying to use cheap gotchas to feel superior... I'm starting to think this person is correct, and I want to read what they wrote instead (because of the few quotes they had actual insight into the hobby-sphere) but it seems like you've somehow scrubbed it off the internet, wtf?
I like building things but my fear is exactly this. I've done it in the past when I was little and in my experience if you build something people love, somehow it is a gateway to them mistreating you because they feel entitled to you. so why would you ever contribute to humanity if this is what happens? ever since I was a kid I wanted to keep these things to myself. fame is terrifying. does it even make sense? I can't even put it into words
it would be nice if you could do things and make humanity better but somehow by doing things you literally bring out the worst in them. and yeah, you can tank it and endure it, but it makes you ask why are you doing it if it's so evil onto them? why does this happen? it also frankly sucks, like who wants all this drama? you give people stuff and they spit in your face? that's just depressing. how are you to sleep at night, wrestling with that sort of community integration, doubting if that's your place in life, your purpose? why even? does it even make the world better, or are you making it worse by a chemical reaction of your existence combining with the masses generating vitriol fluids in the collective consciousness? it's just somehow so fucked up6 -
So, what are your most favorite methods of saving interesting articles about algorithms, functions or simply news so you can read them later when you have time? I find myself storing links to interesting web pages without really going back to them or remembering which link was what. I shifted to storing the links in evernote but it's still not what I'd ideally like to have...
If there are any recommended routines, apps or tools that make stored links insightful (like allowing me to add a quick description or automatically adding a sort of preview of the link), I would appreciate it!
Please note that this is primarily about saving a resource while I'm on the go or simply can't/don't want to spend too much time on the actions.17 -
Well here's a story for you. I can't work on my game till the developer of a package I use updates his package. I can't research how to add the newer features I want to add till I know what the base code is gunna look like. I can't work on my second game idea because unreal engine has a major bug since version 4.15 that is crippling the performance of what I want to do. I can't work any assets for that game till I know what performance is gunna be like after the fix is implemented. It's now version 4.17 almost 4.18 and it might get pushed till version 4.19. I need to work on something like right now because my game studio is otherwise just sitting. It is a VR / AR only studio and there is no real direction to move in at the moment till somebody other than me gets their collective shit together.
I need something fairly "quick" but still fun to play to work on so I can sell sell sell. No idea wtf it's gunna be though. The steam market place is so full of garbage that I really don't want to contribute to that with more garbage. I also don't know anyone I can collaborate with to make something interesting.
WHAT DO I DO?1 -
What it's like to be a network
engineer...translated into normal people speak
User: I think we are having a major road issue,
Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are
fine. I was actually just on the roads.
User: No, I'm pretty sure the roads are down
because I'm not getting pizzas.
Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What
do you mean you aren't getting pizzas?
User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered
them, now I'm not getting them. It has to be a
road issue.
Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are
you getting pizzas from?
User: I'm not really sure. Can you check all
places that deliver pizzas?
Me: No I don't even know all the places that
deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.
User: I think it is Subway.
Me: Okay, I'll check...No, I just looked and
Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.
User: I'm pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just
allow all food from Subway and we can see if
pizza shows up?
Me: Sigh, fine I've allowed all food from
Subway, but I don't think that is the issue.
Usher: Yeah I'm still not getting pizza. Can you
check the roads?
Me: It's not the roads, the roads are fine. I'm
pretty sure Subway isn't the place.
User: Okay, I found it. It's Papa Johns.
Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does
deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one
in a different town?
User: I don't know. Can you allow pizza from
all Papa Johns to me?
Me: No I can't do that. Can you get me an
address for Papa Johns?
User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can
you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns
and I'll tell you if one of them is correct?
Me: No, I don't have time for that. Okay, I
looked at the local one and it looks like they
have sent you pizza in the past and they are
currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try
ordering a pizza while I watch.
Usher: Yeah still no pizza. I'm guessing they
are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you
check the freeway to make sure they can get
through?
Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't
even using the freeway.
User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue,
Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove
from the Papa Johns to the address they have
on file for you and there is nothing there.
User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.
Me: Did you give your new address to Papa,
Johns?
User: No, I just thought they would be able to
look me up by name.
Me: No they need your new address. What's
your new address?
User: I'm not really sure. Can you look it up?
Me: Sigh, give me a second...Okay, I found
your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try
ordering a pizza now.
User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!
Me: Okay, good.
User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize
for the delay in the pizza but there was a major
road issue that was preventing the pizza from
getting to me. The network engineer has fixed
the roads and we are able to get pizza again.
Me: But it wasn't the roads...whatever.
User: Oh, can you also check on an issue
where Chinese food isn't getting to me? think
it may be a road issue5 -
Fuck++ I C only red error messages which make me god damn furious. Why is it such a pain in the ass to ./configure this stupid external lib to work on Windows on MinGW and Qt Creator? Why can't I just pip install that crap and import from a single line of code instead of getting fucked several hours without even realising what's fisting me that hard?
You are penetrating me C++. I'm not happy with that. I can't figure it out cause the docs are crap.
Just add the path to the libs they say. Just add the include directory they say. It's damn easy they say.
You know what? IT'S A FUCKING PAIN IN THE AS I SAY! DAMN IT. -
"- Hello I work on this shitty Drupal project where the vendor directory is gitted, and we can't use composer becauses it returns error [note: i wish this was a joke]. So I installed a module that won't work, because it needs a depency. I installed it but it still doesn't work
- You need to edit your autoloader
- Ok, what do I put in it?
- Idk, you're not supposed to do it, and let composer do it for you"
Did I ever tell you how the Drupal stack exchange will one day make me turn into a serial killer? -
!tech
I am yet to start the phase of life where i am more than just a student but i often see things around and have some thoughts. Recently i was feeling that the 2 biggest crimes a person could commit is being repetitively irresponsible or being always dependent.
Like, if i am a father , a husband , a sole earner or have someone dependent on me, i could not afford to make simple everyday mistakes that i often do in my current youth age and people ignore. These days i sleep at 5 am after watching movies, wake up at 3pm , knowing that mom has already made me food, my college mates have already made assignment, and there's nothing better that i could do . Life is relaxing.
But my dad cannot afford mu luxurious lifestyle. He cannot waltz on the bike at 90, he can't sleep till 3 , he can't afford to watch long webseries. Heck, he can't even afford to have a platform like this and rant or post stuff. He has to run at 6 am in morning to get groceries for our restaurant. I wonder how he or any other mature person relaxes their mind.
Similarly everyone has to show some boss characters in life. You can't rely on a stick forever, you got to have your own spine. Dad used to have a biz partner who took most of our restaurant decisions, but then business went low and he ran away. So at the end dad himself had to take up all the things in his hand.
I on the other hand am totally spinless. Clg has taken the decision for me that i gotta give papers that's why am studying. Later company will take decision to fuck me up and work infinitely and i might just do that . I usually never come up with a good innovative app idea with a solid vision and therefore end up following other people's ideas , visions, etc and that too rather incompetently.
I wish i had more courage.
'Responsible' people of devrant (bread earners, family runners, etc you know if you are one) , would you like to share your life tips or let me know if my thoughts are wrong?2 -
I started because the first PC I owned ran on Windows NT and, even though I can't recall for the life of me what, something always broke but was fixable with some command lines. After finding out about Batch scripts my exploration instinct kicked in and I started to make a script for nearly anything (at one point I even had a script to start Firefox). From there on I stumbled over C++ and what can I say, I quit programmin four times before I found Python and fell in love with this beautiful, pointerless snake which led me on the way of becoming a programmer. So, long story short, a broken OS and all that free time you have during school if you always copy your Honework in breaks^^.
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When my brain was overloaded and overwhelmed during rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, my life and my thoughts were a complete mess. Somehow, when I heard or imagined plurals of certain words, like "cans" or "cups", my brain painted pictures of a cute civilization of living soda cans. They fought oppression that came from us humans, but lacked mental capacity to do so. I felt really sorry for them and wanted to help. The more ordinary the word were, the more striking effect it had on me.
The rapid-cycling fashion of bipolar disorder is often triggered by unfit prescription medicines. This kind of disorder is among the most lethal mental disorders there are, with a huge percentage of patients committing suicide.
If you can't make sense of your thoughts, if your emotional responses seem inadequate or too strong, to the point when you can collapse crying after some random thought, stop whatever you're doing and seek help. Ask friends and family to find you a psychiatrist, as by the time you need help, you may lack mental capacity or emotional resource to find a doctor by yourself. To me, even the idea of leaving my bedroom and going somewhere was painful to think about.
If your thoughts appear to be "put into your brain" against your own will, if they make no sense, don't attempt to make sense of them. They are nothing but a random noise produced by overwhelmed synapses. -
That moment when u code on an aberrant language and you make a mistake that puts a whole project 3 days behind... Of course it is my fault but if this shift had a better color pallette on the godamn code I bet I'd catch it sooner, oh and it doesn't help that I can't create packages and the language is a verbose as shit... Some things I could've done in python with 100 lines take me 1000 lines in Stata... Fui dis retarded lang
-
It is surprisingly difficult to make two things equally high in css (without putting height in pixels). Like two columns of a parent div. You can't use "height: 100%;" out of the box like you can with width.
Why though? I understand that height is more difficult that width. But the parent element has a height. Not by me, but the browser figures it out. So why can't something inside it be 100 % of it. Beats me.
Well at least it works now. -
Microsoft, please stop the incomprehensible work vs. school account stuff and if you want to mail me a login code, then please actually do send an email. What's wrong with Microsoft Teams and office always giving its users headaches already when trying to log in?
A customer sent me a "FindTime" link, something like Calendso / Calendly, but "powered" by Microsoft Office. Seems that their power is off again, like ever so often. Microsoft: "can't access your account: You can't sign in here with a personal account. Use your work or school account instead."
Okay, go to bing, and search your error message. Try to use bing page to log in to my account: Microsoft: "We emailed a code." (No you didn't. At least I never received anything. And, yes, I did check my spam folder!) Microsoft: "Other ways to sign in: use Microsoft Authenticator".
me: "dear customer, please feel free to pick any time and date that matches your preference, as the FindTime link has been impossible to use".
How can Microsoft make me feel so dumb again, after more than 20 years as a developer? Have they ever heard about usability?10 -
I'm trying. I'm really trying to understand you Dagger 2. But every time I read articles, look at source code and just try to understand how your magic works, I end up copy pasting the sample code. And then I don't know what I even did ffs.
Maybe it's so damn hard for me because I don't understand Dependency injection? But I think I do... What can I do to understand you? Please tell me?
Especially when my use case requires nested fragments and isn't just that typical inject fragment to activity sample...
And now I have to fill in all of the injected fields in my integration tests by hand because I can't figure out how to fucking make you piece of shit do the motherflipping injection!! Fuck.
I need painkillers... My head starts hurting1 -
SMB/CIFS support on Linux distros is a nightmare! Switching from wired to wireless will cause ALL mounts to freeze, and they all become impossible to dismount normally. You can't even ls the root folder anymore if there are frozen mount folders inside. It's f#&%ing retarded to have to reboot your PC twice a day because you lost WiFi signal for one second, and the underlying processes don't understand SIGTERM. And I could go on about MTP! Standard file transfer protocol for Android but boy it is hellish. Trying to copy a structure with subfolders will take forever because every ls call to the phone is like an API call to some free webhosting company in Australia, takes forever, if it even succeeds. I won't even get started on WebDAV and SSHFS (the latter is even worse than CIFS). Those make me want to do unpleasant things to my computer. So frustrating! I can't be the only one who has experienced this, right?1
-
I can't keep a good alimentation when I'm working, I keep buying those bad-qualities salads and stuff that make me feel sick.
What do you eat when you're at work ?2 -
My consuming cycle:
1. An urge to buy a new shiny thing. No peace of mind if I refuse to buy it. My brain starts to generate sentences like "Treat yourself", "Why are you even living if you can't buy what you want", etc.
2. Acquisition. Immense guilt about the money spent. My brain somehow classifies any non-electronic thing that costs more than $30 as "ridiculously expensive", no matter how much money I make, no matter my reserves.
3. A short period of... no, not peace of mind. It's just an absence of that urge. I can't quite call it "peace".
4. goto 1
Hyperconsumerism is hell. I don't want my life to be ridden by guilt. I want to break that cycle, but when I try, it's just me asking that blaming questions to myself.
Somehow I probably got an answer. I should make my everyday thought process and patterns independent of buying stuff. Money shouldn't define what I do and what I think about.
Everything I need with an exception of medicines is both factually cheap and perceived as cheap, and I don't feel guilty about buying medicines.
What should I aim my thought process to? I'm tired of programming, because it provokes an entirely different kind of guilt, the guilt of "you shouldn't be resting, go write that article, go study that new web shit, go build that another open source thing (that nobody cares about)".
Art makes me a bit happier though. I studied 20th century progressive art a bit, and appreciating the ideas behind certain pieces of design, architecture and fine arts make me feel superior than other people, and also superior than my past self. I don't know if it's healthy or not, I'm just being honest now.
I think I need more art in my life. For now, I'm fine with knowing that I'll probably never create a real piece of art (aside from programming), so at least I can consume art instead of buying worthless shit that doesn't make me happy anyway.5 -
"This module wraps around this genuinely awesome database and provides all the in-memory storing of the database so that nothing is persisted"
nice, just like I need it
Hudden truth:
"but in order to make it non-persistent you have to clear the database on every startup"
This shit cost me so much fucking time time, works needs it's sucked for every transaction, just for basic features not being implemented and performing even worse than standard choices because you can't leverage it's power for shit?
Fucking waste of time. I could have finished the Api with the standart module a long time ago, but I'm such and idiot and want to step outside my comfortzone too much.
I'm switxhing the fuxk back and maybe I get this done within 3 hours1 -
Okay people I need help. I've researched a ton, but I can't really find a good answer. I'm trying to choose between Linux mint and Ubuntu. Now I know that there aren't any huge differences, but can you please help me, find out what would make you choose one over the other?8
-
Co-Worker (mechanical engineer): I have an amazing idea that I want to pitch to you!!
Me: Whats the idea?
Co-Worker: Let's make a social media app where you send a drawing to other people and possibly doodle on pics. The drawing or picture can't be saved and it's directly sent to people or a group.
Me: That's SnapChat.
Co-Worker: Oh...well my idea is cooler.
Me: *Rolls eyes* go back to work.3 -
Work keeps getting worse. It seems someone ratted me out to the boss after I complained how it is unfair that I'm going to lose my bonus over an impossible deadline. Ok so I probably shouldn't rant in the workplace but still. Now I'm told my negative attitude affects my co-workers and that I certainly won't succeed if I am so negative. Then I got told I instead need to work overtime to make things happen, and when I argue that I can't do that because I need my spare time because of my health I'm basically put on the spot that either I make it happen or I get booted with a negative reviews. You bet your ass I'm in contact with my union over this, because that is just wrong imo. I know they can fire me any time for any reason, but they need to give reason. But threatening an employee who disclosed health issues to you and claiming you will see it as sabotaging the company? I'm sorry I'm not the superhero dev that you want but it hurts being told you're not good enough because you don't go the extra mile, regardless of if you even can or should.
Tiny little upside though, scored more interviews, speaking to a company tomorrow afternoon. Fingers crossed hard. There's gotta be sane places out there.1 -
I tried to make some SP using the syntax and formatting that visual studio outputs when making a SSRS report. I thought it was nice.
It formats the code in a standard way and transforms stuff like "join" to "INNER JOIN" and "left join" to "LEFT OUTER JOIN ".
When the team reviewed the code they were like WTF?! This syntax is horrible, it can't be understood. You did this?
*Me with my red face*...
I just said. You know what? I am going to go back to the old school syntax if you prefer. I just thought it was better.
Yeah... You really should go back to old school syntax.
---
Keep in mind that the old school syntax is annoying to me... No formatting at all and basic instructions are not in larger upper case.
Anyway, I thought it was nice tbh. I still think it is. And it is definitely better to me in some way.
What bothers me most is that they want to improve their coding. They say they want to be more standard and it seems every time you want to make a change it's not a good idea because "everything is already written that way". And when you don't make a change, "you should have change it"... Well sorry I was just copying the old style.
Anyways , it's not that important. I do get their point. Sometimes.1 -
Why is it that a website thinks that it would be a good idea to completely block a user from using their website if they have an adBlocker? Now don't get me wrong, I can understand them wanting to put up a message maybe saying "hey we make money off the ads that are displayed, please don't block them." But FFS give the user the choice to close the window and continue on if they don't want to disable their adBlocker! I know personally I just choose to leave the site and go elsewhere for content when I encounter those things!
Don't force me to disable and then refresh!2 -
I work for a media company with different business units such as radio, print, newspaper etc and radio is the largest (most money) of them all. The online unit (dev & social media) was relatively small until recently. So IT and budget is mostly focussed on radio.
Last budget meeting we asked to upgrade our internet and hardware (we have shitty laptops and very shitty screens). CTO of the group says to me: "I don't really belive in the internet because I don't really understand it so I can't see why you need these upgrades...nobody else complains about these issues."
Me internally: "how the fuck did you become CTO....??"
Me to him: nobody complains because they are sales consultants who reads emails and make phone calls all day...
CTO: I'll look into it but i'm not really convinced...
How do you win this fight??? -
!Rant
I'm helping a customer who calls in all the time for support. At the end of a call this exchange happens.
Customer: So I have this game...
*Points at a solitaire icon on his desktop*
Customer: If we open that up, there's this little thing here...
*Game opens and there's an ad in the bottom right corner*
Customer: Can you get rid of that?
Me: I can't, not in applications like this. This is the free version of the software and add are how they make their money. If you did want to play without ads, Microsoft has the Solitaire Collection for free
*Makes shortcut to Solitaire Collection on desktop*
Me: There you go -
The fucking LAN port cover broke
The Internet of things tells me you can't fucking replace it (nobody sells this part)
Lan ports aren't important I guess
Make something useless by having part of it covered by flimsy plastic that breaks if you stare at it long enough
And I thought having o lying 2 usb slots was bad...
Next laptop will be a... i don't fucking know... something BETTER
.
Wait, 2h until posting another rant?
@dfox wasn't it just one before? :(
And it deleted my wonderful tags :c
I found such a nice tag and now I forgot it :c
Now you won't know how hilarious the tag was, and I'm sad
#SaveTheTags5 -
Sometimes, I feel my school is a prison.
I'm sitting there, 8-10 hours per day, learnin' things I already know, and all I can do is sitting quiet to `don't disturb during the lesson`. I can't even use my laptop.
But, school also is nice in some ways, my principal allowed me to run a Hacktoberfest event in my school, make kinda radio in our school and make an app for our SmartTV (yep, we have a TV in school) to show weather, changes in lesson plans etc.
But still, I really feel this is the prison. One more year, and I'll finish this shit and go...to another school because `you need to graduate to do anything in your life`. Btw, do ya know any good ways how to become CTO or COO one day? Just asking. Greetings, I hate my school, have a nice day.10 -
One of the many good things about F# is that it seamlessly integrates with the .NET ecosystem, right? Very handy in an enterprise environment where in order to get anything done you have to use in-house nugets and tediously building a C# app for something you can do in about 30 LoC in F# just doesn't make sense...
... And then you run into the one fucking namespace in the whole ecosystem that just DOES. NOT. WORK. with F#. What the actual fuck M$?!
In all other cases Func<T',Task> in C# translates into T' -> Task in F#, but not here. "Oh, you're trying to give me Func<T',Task> -> Task? Can't do". Fuck that.9 -
JPA my friend ... JPA why are you like this? JPA why do hate me so much? JPA, let's have a word ...
How come you are so far away from real-world problems, so cumbersome to use, so ugly (criteria API), so wrong and inconsistent?
Oh, what it's all your parents fault? Oh come, on that can't be, right? Did you have a bad childhood?
Your parent's were fucking crack-smoking maniacs which didn't know a single bit about actual databases?
They design you as an API without actually trying you out in the wild? And then they patched up together with some essential DB stuff, like friggin indexes? Not even tried to make this API consistent nor really functional?
Oh poor, you little JPA ... -
Terraform + helm-chart ... I really ned a break. Who the fuck invented this shit.
The HCL format sucks
The documentation sucks
The dev tools suck
The debug output sucks
But I'm ok with that, I can manage.
But today really it shot the bird ... I can't have a fucking comma in a string? Because idk why the fuck helm-release tries to parse that fucking string and wants to make an array or whatever out of it? Why, you fucking abomination?
Something in the docs? Nah, who reads them anyway.
Because you know it's totally not strange that a string is analyse and oh wait there's a comma in it, the dev surely wants me to make an array out of it, because you know ...
So now I have to escape my fucking comma to prevent it to parse my fucking string. I just want to have a fucking string you hideous monstrosity ....1 -
just 'Hello world' me trying to make a restful api.
*Got Ktor, loved the koltin, hated the deploy, quit.
*Got Django, loved the python, hated the sql migration, quit.
*Got Node, loved everything, hated mongo, can't quit now...
*Got Firebase DB now, I feel the hate monster...ghostly voices, saying, Work my slave, build it... dont stop, 'cause we're right behind you...
....and we're waiting for you5 -
Recently I made a dumb mistake :(
I have applied for credit card online and they have call me and asked me for info and send some messages which I need to forward someone that contain codes.
After that they ask for some docs, salary slips and bank statement etc. I got stuck for some tax forms.
So one day they just called that its ok if you can't submit your tax docs , we can make verification through debit card, I thought the call was genuine and I am in cc process, I shared my pin. and wohaaaa. my balance was deducted :( Thats was indeed a scam call.7 -
Woke up today with the idea that I'm gonna make a website for myself now I'm a high school student and have 0 income so i thought ight well i will just use the github student developer pack .... oh wait my school blocks it ...... ight ill get a free .me domain from name cheap..... oh its blocked too ill try porkbun and get a free .design domain shit that offers over Ight ill try . Freenom ..........................................(15min of loading later) ......ERROR: cannot verify you are human
well damn
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Not today I guess
Can't get a fucken job cause i got school11 -
defect report: "After updating, I can't make a field turn red when an error occurs"
me: "You could do that before the update!?" -
I need help.
I don't know if I can do this anymore.
As much as I love coding, what I do and making new things, I feel like I can't handle it as well as I used to be able to. I was diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety (amongst other things) and it's taking a toll on me. I can't work on problems as well as I used to. I overlooks simple errors and typos and spend hours trying to fix it. I can't focus on anything or even remember what I was doing a minute ago. I seem to constantly miss deadlnes. My performance has taken a nose-dive and I'm in constant fear of losing my job. I'm the breadwinner for my household (dad doesn't work, mom doesn't make enough) and much of my salary goes towards my family and rent.
I have a couple of attempts, and one of my recent ones got me fired from my previous job. I've tried to get help. I've gone to therapy, I'm on a shit-load of anti-depressants and trying to change the outlook of my life, but nothing seems t work.
I don' know what to do. I needed to vent out. What do you think I should do?4 -
Graveyard shift sucks. I'm a morning person. My body clock is broken. I still can't sleep. Damn. Perks of being a high paid slave living in a rat race 🤷♂️
I just read that snickers can make you fall asleep. Will eat one now. Wish me luck guys.1 -
Guys can you help me?
I want to by laptop instead of pc, but i dunno if I should go with asus zenbook ux310ux with i7 and 16GB of ram and linux or used macbook with probably i7 and 8GB of ram.
I can't make up my mind whether to choose linux or mac os. I like linux but i have a feeling that someday I will need to do something, and program for that will be windows/mac os only.
PS. Arch linux with i3wm4 -
No one gives a shit about the fact i have computer science degree. No employer has asked me. Nobody cares. I can't get hired anywhere and i was promised to surely find a job if i have a degree. 6 years of nerve wrecking of my fucking life for a degree wasted in fire. I was SCAMMED. "Software engineering" universities are a fucking SCAM. SCAMMMMM. Fuck you. I'll make my own course and scam desperate people the same way universities do it. The same way andrew tate does it. Fuck you.
In life i learned that you will be successful ONLY IF:
- you have luck
- you're a wealthy millionaire
- you have connections
And you will FAIL IF:
- you try to do good and be fair
Fuck you11 -
A small instant cocoa package. Pink and blue. It said “Mine. Autonomous. Immaculate.” My sister gave it to me. It was made from human female skeletons, because you can't make them from male ones. Eat it as-is, or dissolve it in milk. It tastes like ketone bodies.5
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Hey guys, so i'm just about to complete my android application project which I started a year ago.
You can say it's sort of my baby. I've put all my efforts into it. The backend is almost done. The problem which i'm struggling with is the front end.
The front end of my app looks like shit. I tried to do everything to make it look elegant and classy, but all in vain.
And I can't afford to hire a front end developer or graphic designer. Can someone suggest me what to do.
I'm open to any suggestions as it's the first app i'll upload on the play store, I just want it to be perfect.26 -
I hereby declare the following the official anthem of Trintellix:
[Chorus]
I can make you feel better oh, if you let me
I can make you feel better ooh, if you want to
I can make you feel better oh, and you know you will
If that's what you want boy
Then you know where to find me
[Verse]
However you're feeling
I can make you feel better
Whatever you're thinking
I can make it all clearer
Don't pretend you know that you feel it
Try so hard, but you can't conceal it
Whatever you feel inside
I can make you feel better
If that's what you want boy
Then you know where to find me
So
(SOPHIE — Bipp)1 -
If I make a character oscillate on my screen, and match its time period to my camera's fps, it should seem still on my camera in theory right? I tried to implement it like this: https://www.paste.org/115774 but I can't figure out what could be going wrong, my guesses are either I'm expecting too much precision, or my camera's fps fluctuates a little, either way, please let me know what you think could be going wrong.18
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So the developers in my workplace have blocked a server for themselves each when they know that there is a shortage and everyone needs to cooperate and share them. Now when they get stuck in any issue they expect me to get them out of it but just as soon as I ask for a server space, they are all like it will impact my working and we can't share. Now what would you expect me to do the next time you come to me? Do you seriously expect me to welcome you and your problems with open arms or make excuses to you when such a scenario occurs. Sometimes I think that the one thing missing here is a sense of basic human decency.
Now the zinger here - I've had similar experiences earlier and fortunately, I'm the resource administrator for the projects cloud account. Whenever these a**holes require any cloud resource, I make them go through tons of approvals which I have a blanket access granted before providing them access. Who's laughing now?2 -
How do you easily understand firebase? I'm implementing google sign in on my application but I can't make it. I read the firebase tutorials and google sign in tutorial but still I don't get it
Anybody here can explain to me step by step google sign in with firebase? -
Ok, look, man, I'm not involved in any part of the product planning. If you need me to write tests for product you're still writing, you at least need to give me a solid idea of what you want it to do. I can't make what you need if I don't know what's needed.