Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.

"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.

I used to work with a guy who had 2 PH.Ds, in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering and over 600 patents but I kid you not the guy could not use the coffee machine. Now it's not like this coffee machine was as easy as a Keurig, it was some $20,000 espresso machine that took a while to figure out but I tried teaching him how to use it a few dozen times and still he couldn't get it right. It got to the point where I thought he was faking it so that others would make it for him so I offered him $500 if he could figure it out. Still nope. So for the remaining 2 years we worked together I made him coffee whenever he wanted, 2-4 times a day, and he bought me lunch everyday. Before I left the company I bought him a Keurig so that when I left he'd still have coffee.

wk87 is a dangerous topic for me, i've been through a lot. I apologise for what I am about to inflict on this network over the coming week.

Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 1, "T".

T was an embedded C developer who talked openly about how he's been writing code since he was 14, knew all the C system libraries and functions like the back of his hand. For the most part, he did ... but not how to actually use them, as (based on his shocking ... well everything) he was inflicted by some sort of brain disorder not yet fully understood by medical science. Some highlights:

- Myself and the CTO spent 4 days teaching him what a circle buffer was and how to build one.
- His final circle buffer implementation had about 3 times as much code as he actually needed.
- When the code was running too slowly on the device, we didn't try find any performance improvements, or debug anything to see if there was anything taking too long. No not with T, T immediately blamed TCP for being inefficient.
- After he left we found a file called "TCP-Light" in his projects folder.
- He accused the CTO of having "violent tendencies" because he was playing with a marker tossing it up in the air and catching it.
- He once managed to leave his bank statements, jumper and TROUSERS in the bathroom and didn't realise until a building wide email went out.
- He once .... no hang on, seriously his fucking trousers, how?
- He accused us all of being fascists because we gave out to him for not driving with his glasses, despite the fact his license says he needs to (blind as a bat).

... why were his trousers off in the first place? and how do you forget ... or miss the pile of clothes and letters in a small bathroom.

Moving on, eventually he was fired, but the most depressing thing of all about T, is that he might not even be top of my list.

Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!

I worked with a good dev at one of my previous jobs, but one of his faults was that he was a bit scattered and would sometimes forget things.

The story goes that one day we had this massive bug on our web app and we had a large portion of our dev team trying to figure it out. We thought we narrowed down the issue to a very specific part of the code, but something weird happened. No matter how often we looked at the piece of code where we all knew the problem had to be, no one could see any problem with it. And there want anything close to explaining how we could be seeing the issue we were in production.

We spent hours going through this. It was driving everyone crazy. All of a sudden, my co-worker (one referenced above) gasps “oh shit.” And we’re all like, what’s up? He proceeds to tell us that he thinks he might have been testing a line of code on one of our prod servers and left it in there by accident and never committed it into the actual codebase. Just to explain this - we had a great deploy process at this company but every so often a dev would need to test something quickly on a prod machine so we’d allow it as long as they did it and removed it quickly. It was meant for being for a select few tasks that required a prod server and was just going to be a single line to test something. Bad practice, but was fine because everyone had been extremely careful with it.

Until this guy came along. After he said he thought he might have left a line change in the code on a prod server, we had to manually go in to 12 web servers and check. Eventually, we found the one that had the change and finally, the issue at hand made sense. We never thought for a second that the committed code in the git repo that we were looking at would be inaccurate.

Needless to say, he was never allowed to touch code on a prod server ever again.

There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.

Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.

In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.

I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.

Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦‍♂️

I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.

He left class with a priceless look on his face.

He wanted a project.
I gave him a project.
He wanted to collaborate.
We did collaborate.
He wrote nothing.
He left the project.
I have to finish the project...

tl;dr don't, just don't.

A curious little me (12-14 years) just stated using the family shared computer.
And he thought: It's so slow! Maybe I can make it faster, my parents would be happy!

So he looked at this little switch on the back and he switched it from 230 to 115.

Not knowing what he did, he turned the PC on... for the last time.

Smoke, a nasty smell and a loud bang were the last memories left behind.

The parents were not happy.

Today was a good day. User asked for a tricky feature. Right after telling him it is done he left this :)

My sons homework:
Matt received 5 apples. He had eaten 3.
Question: how many apples left for him?
My son said 2.
NO! We don't know how many apples he has before. Remember to asaign 0 to variable!

so i just got fired 🔥 🔥 🔥 because i wanted a 200 fucking dollars raise after 1 year of work and sacrifices and feeling like shit.
200$ because i live in the 3rd fucking world, working with a stupid motherfucking boss (you know the fat old tone deaf cunt), he's american, and he brings projects from the US from clients paying thousands of dollars, and he pays us 300$, and by the fucking way he used to pay us 100$ (we are 3 developers, a dick who does nothing but report our behavior, and a shit who does shit. we are a development company and we are the only developers and we got fired because he thought we didn't deserve the raise and that he sees no reason in giving us more money because we're already wasting the company's money and time).
So now the only people left there are the dick, the shit and the fatass boss who's in the states rn.
the funny thing is after we left by an hour or so we got calls from many other companies that we refused to work with because of our loyal-fucking-ty.
the motherfucker thinks we're conspiring against him, that we don't trust him, well of fucking course we don't, he lies about having a company in the US, well it's there but it's suspended (we looked it up), he says he's a microsoft, intel, adobe, dell, lenovo partner, and he's not.
well fuck i'm kind of happy that i left, i'm sitting with my friends in a cafe right now thinking about finishing our personal projects.
forgot something: the projects we were working on are unfinished, and there's not a single fucker to finish them, so he's ball deep in shit. hope this rant is relatable

One of the project manager came to one of our senior pro developer to say something. Before he even said anything the senior dev said:

Oh Fuck, not you again!

The pm politely left the area

Downloaded example code and he left gmail credentials in...

This is an old rant from over 10 years ago in my first job at 19. I was tasked with turning off one of our clients email because they had left the company. Easy enough, logged into cPanel, job done. Later that day I get a phone call from the clients company asking if there was a problem with the email. No I said, everything should be fine, I did remove a 'joe.bloggs@blah.com' email address as instructed because... *reading job bag*... they had left the company. The client then said, that's my email you've turned off and hung up. Turned out he had been fired and no one told him. I felt horrible. I will always remember that conversation 😓

It happened to one of my friend at work place.

So my friend is a UI developer and was working on a super critical project with very tight deadline. He was waiting for design team to give him mocks and web api team for giving Apis, so he can start his work. Now there are 4 days left for deadline and none of the parties are ready with their work, and my friend is sitting idle. Management is getting anxious day by day. So one program management lady called him the weak link in the standup meeting and started putting blame on him for the delay in the project. Guy tried to explain that it's not his fault and he is stuck. But that lady was not in a mood to listen.

Now come the next day, in morning he got the design ready and complete Apis from other teams. That day he missed the standup meeting, worked whole night and completed the work with two days remaining for deadline. He went to standup meeting after completing the work, and when the turn came for him to give his status, he started with "the weak link has finished the work". There was a pin drop silent in the room. He continued to give his update like this for next couple of days. And finally that lady was forced to apologize in meeting room by him.

My programming teacher is a freaking degenerate. He spend 7 months teaching us basic stuff like if-clauses, while-loops and stuff like that over and over again - everyone was annoyed but he didn't listen to us because "some people still don't get it". (The reason for this could be their total absence during lessons but who am I to tell.)
Beginning of 2018 he realised we hadn't much time left to prepare for our final exam so he tried self-taught learning. 8 sorting algorithms, recursion, how to write classes and objects in less than a week. And of course there was a classtest about this - needless to say that like nobody passed it. He still has no clue why we are "so lazy and dumb".
One of his favourite code examples is a calculator. I don't know how many i've programmed and they've gotten more and more ridiculous. (Who the hell would want interfaces like IComparer in a calculator?)
He even wanted to convince us that for-loops can't count down (and that things like "i--" doen't exist.)
I could go on and on about this guy and his craziness.

Weirdest co-worker was a loner(he prefers to be left alone) and he has no social skills.
One day, everyone in the office received an invitation letter. All of us were invited to our weirdest co-worker's wedding!

After that, everyone became his friend :)

This genius made his very own super-flexible-and-versatile-never-seen-before-mvc-framework, with no documentation about the code, instead of just donwloading and implementing a popular one.

He left the company.

I maintain it.

Fell my pain.

My thoughts when my uncle was introducing me to one of his friends.
(M = me, U = uncle, F = Uncle's friend)

U : Meet M, he is a software developer, he works at * blah *.

M (Internally): That is a very reasonable introduction.

U : * Continues speaking. *

M (Internally): No, staph! It was good enough. Don't go any further.

U : He does * blah blah *

M (Internally): That's not even remotely related to what I do.

U : If you have any tech related problems, he is your guy.

M (Internally): You should have kept shut.

U : If your phone slows down, he can fix it.

M (Internally): Why would you even say that !?

U : He can fix all you printer issues.

M (Internally): Excuse me. What. The. Fuck!?

U : You should definitely consult him before purchasing any tech.

M (Internally): That's it. I give up. There is no hope left.

F : * Gestures U to clam down. *
F : * Nods at M in a very assuring manner. As if he were saying, 'chill bro! Its all cool, I understand.' *

M (Internally): Hold on. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is some hope left.

F : So, tell me, how good are you with excel formulas?

M (Internally): * Dies *

I was hired to build a small PHP site. The client was arrested and sentenced to jail time right before the third of four milestones was complete, so I didn't get paid any more after that. Didn't hear from him for over a year, then out of nowhere he wanted to pick up where we left off.

So a guy wants to start a company with me. He wants to be CEO 👨‍💼 I'm fine with it but now he also wants me to obey every one of his orders such as attend long unplanned meetings, go do market research, code the app and for what, a mere 5%. He gets a bigger cut of the income because he came up with the idea 💡, he also gets to sit and order me around because he's read a few books on business and economics. People don't seem to understand the difference between having an idea and implementation. I just left and said no to every offer he had the highest of which was 10%, don't be worried about the money he says this is a real opportunity for you. I mean wtf is wrong with some people.

At my old company one of my colleagues introduced async / await into our csharp code. He created interfaces and showed us a great structuring of his code. Sadly a few weeks later he left the company, because of personal reasons and a bug appeared in his written service. Our senior developer took the issue and complained for like 1 week. That you can't find anything, that interfaces are useless, that async / await is slow and sucks and that we should stop trying to bring new structures into the code base and do things the old way. In the end he deleted all the great things that my colleague introduced and wrote bad and smelly code.

This motherfucker tried to fuck me!

Ok, here's the full story.
I applied for a quick job as freelancer. He told me I just had to implement stripe payment gateway. After finishing that he asked to save the user data from payment to the database, too. I added that. All the way he wanted me to work on his ugly project on a rotten server through cpanel. But I refused instead I uploaded a showcase environment on my own server.
After he tested my code and all was working as expected he again tried to make me implement the code right away into his retarded project before payment. When I mentioned that he has to pay me first he started bitching that he won't pay in advance.

At this point I left that fucker. Knowing that my feeling was right and this bitch never had the intention to pay for my work. He just wanted to steel my code.

Fuck you. I hope you get eaten in your bed by very hungry slugs one day. Like this one guy here on devrant.

meeting a client for small web project, we did not agree price of project soo I left...next week I saw him on tv, he was arrested as a pedophile

To my ex manager

you left to berlin, and left me to rot

my new lead sucks, i kid you not

it was ok if I slacked off, You used to be chill

But my new lead is uptight, he's on my list to kill

I wanna run errands in work hours, is that so bad?

was doing so for years, now i lost what i had

I cant drive in peace, coz i know he'd call

so i had to cancel plans to go to the mall

its like 10 to 6 is now constant work

I hate my new lead, he is such a jerk

!Rant
Senior dev from another team comes up to me:
"you alright? Looks like you're struggling with something. Want me to give you a hand?"

And my personal favourite:
"feel free to slack me whenever you need help. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Only way to learn is to ask"

He also recommended me some books and resources to read.

I left work today motivated af!

Got together with my old dev team (5) who all left the same company at the same time almost two years ago. (Thats a whole other story).

One of them told us he left and went to a new company that measured performance by the amount of commits a dev would to per day. Of course he didn't know that when he signed on.

Three months into the job he had a week where his first commit wasn't until a wednesday and he got called in by the manager to explain his lack of commits and how he was going to improve.

He quit on the spot. Had a new job in less than a week.

Other devs at the company were fixing typo's and just commiting them one at a time to create a lot of commits.

Never have I been so furious whilst at work as yesterday, I am still super pissed about going back today but knowing it's only for another few weeks makes it baerable.

I have been the lead developer on a project for the last 3~ months and our CTO is the product owner. So every now and then he decides to just work on a feature he is interested in- fair enough I guess. But everything I have to go and clean up his horrendous code. Everything he writes is an absolute joke, it's like he is constantly in Hackathon mode "let's just copy and paste some code here, hardcoded shit there and forgot about separation of code- it all goes in 1 file".

So yesterday he added a application to the project and instead of reusing a shared data access layer he added an entirely new ORM, which is near identical to the existing ORM in use, for this one application.

Being anal about these things, the first thing I did was delete his shit and simply reference the shared library then refactor a little code to make it compatible.

WELL!! I certainly hit a nerve, he went crazy spamming messages on Slack demanding I revert as it broke ONE SINGLE QUERY that he hadn't checked in (he does 1 huge commit for 10 of everyone else's). I stuck to my principals and explained both ORM's are similar and that we only needed one, the second would cause a fragmented codebase for no benefit whatsoever.

The lead Dev was then forced to come and convince me to revert, again I refused and called out the shit quality of their code. The battle raged on via the public slack group and I could hear colleagues enjoying the heated debate, new users even started joining the group just to get in on mine and the cto's difference of opinion.

I even offered to fix his code for him if he were to commit it, obviously that was not taken well ;).

Once I finally got a luck at the cluster fuck of shit he had written it took me around 5 minutes to fix and I ever improved performance. Regardless he was having none of it. Still the demands to revert continued.

I left the office steaming after long discussions with the lead Dev caught in the middle.

Fortunately my day was salvages with a positive technical discussion that evening at a company with whome I had a job offer from.

I really hate burning bridges and have never left a company under bad terms but this dictator is making me look forward to breaking the news today I will be gone in 4 weeks.

A new sales guy in a startup I used to work at was using Internet Explorer. I told him why are you using IE, it's a shitty browser and how frontend devs suffer to support it.
Before I continued, he interrupted me saying that he used to be the regional head of sales team in Microsoft and started defending IE.
I was like Oookaaayy.
......he left the company a week or two later

I made a hotkey script for a colleague that made the backspace act like a left arrow. You should've seen his face when he saw the cursor moving back but not removing characters.

So me and my wife offered a friend to build and host a website for him for free for the first year when he was starting his business. We all agreed and wife started to build it.
The only thing that she had left was getting pictures and texts from him that would be on the site. That was 10 month ago.

And Today - it was suddenly SUPER IMPORTANT to get the site up because he has left alot of Business cards at a conference.
Wife - who is studying answered that she can fix it in a few weeks because she does'nt simply have time.

The dude sent this now:
"Ok no worries, I have solved it myself"

So I checked:
The domain he bought, is just a redirect to "randomshit.wixsite.com"

So today I got really triggered when i hear this guy say that coding is cancer. I stand up and instantly the first thing going through my mind is that it's the battle of the nerds. He says he tried ALL of the programing languages out there and they were shit. I asked if he tried C# and he still says coding is cancer even though he has never even heard of any C# syntax. I asked if he used Batch as a started language and he still says it. So I just decided to roast him by saying "did you put .bat at the end of the file when you were saving? Oh wait never mind, I forgot your lazy ass doesn't have the intelligence to understand how to save"
Surprisingly everyone was silent and most likely didn't understand what I had said. So I just left wondering if he even bothered to get a guide on syntax for any of the languages he would have liked.

Well one time, it was very awkaward.

My colleague went to lunch, and he was working on some website for international client.

So he left his mac unlocked, and as soon as I saw that I thought i would be cool to add click listener on body of page, and on click it opens up 100 tabs of porn. And I did that.

Before he returned from lunch, client called my boss, with wtf is happeneing with his site, and that it is constantly opening up porn.

What i didnt realize that before colleague went to lunch he contacted client to see some progress. And suprisingly I didnt know that his editor atom was automatically set up to upload website on save to dev server that client is currently looking.

We ofcourse told client it was the hackers :)

But boss wasnt that stupid.

Instant karma.

Was in a meeting with my boss. I complained about there being too many meetings and thus not enough time at the keyboard. He told me that I should turn down meetings I feel I dont need or feel are unnecessary (no point in me being there if I dont feel i contribute). Point taken . I stood up and left. He later told me he appreciated my honesty and would try to keep are meetings to the point in the future :D

A guy that just did not know how to code. He had years and years of experience (?), but DID NOT KNOW HOW TO CODE. He was given a simple task, spent weeks on it and what came out was usually 60 lines of "if, elseif, elsif....else".

He was given several warnings, and eventually "voluntarily" left the company.

I still get screenshots of his code sent by one of my ex-colleagues who's still there when he stumbles across it.

My coding-senpai placed this PHP code (before he left) to my org's custom-footer due to a feud that happened months ago

it flooded their cPanel with folders with '.log' as their extension everytime someone visits their website

I LOL'D UNTIL
..They hired me to clean it up :^(

They got over 700,000 of these folders
#feelsbadman

> Gained the skills to atleast land an internship
> Hyped asf
> Start applying for jobs
> Hyped asf
> Days go by without a response
> Hype starts dying
> Gets a REAL email delivered to my inbox asking to come in for an interview
> Hype levels regenerated
> Interview goes great and both founder and senior dev are fine with hiring me
> Founder needs to talk with co-founder first before giving the go and said he will get back to me in a day or two.
> The hype is too real
> 5 days go by without a reponse
> Hype levels: all time low
> Decide to follow up, founder said he left for a conference before the co-founder came back to talk about it and said he will get with her and let me know in a few days.
> The hypening is back
> A week goes by with no response
> I'm dead inside rn.

A rant from the old box, with some minor edits because I don't remember the exact wording anymore.

So last time I had this window cleaner visit me, and he'd do his job while I was troubleshooting a broken tablet that my past home supervisor donated to me. After he was done he came to me, very impressed.

He then said: "Wow, you are disassembling this.. you must be very technical."
Me (kinda tired): "Thanks. And yeah pretty much."
He: "Does this mean that you can fix anything?"
Me: "Kind of. It depends. But I can't fix printers."
He: "Why is that? Are they so complicated?"
(the tablet I had disassembled is orders of magnitude more difficult than a printer)
Me: "Not really. It's just that that's often what users ask next."
He: …

The guy immediately left 🤣

About 6 years ago, my boss found out about social media and how he could use it to boost his business. So he created a Facebook page.

A week later he called me to his office and asked me to move the page's profile picture from left to right. I told him this was not possible and was something Facebook doesn't allow us to do.

Next thing I know he started telling me to check and try before I say no, and should never say no as anything was possible.

Obviously, I quit.

Had an interview in a MNC company.

He: Propose a solution for reading huge logs file like 1 GB and parse errors with today's date.

Me: Gave two solution, one with regex and second with buffering the logs (reason: reading the entire in same shot will cause cpu spike with huge memory consumption) and I fell in love with my second approach. By the way it was on paper.

He: (Without seeing the logic) Your syntax is wrong.

Me: Got frustrated who the hell checks syntax in interview. I asked how may years of experience you have?

He: 10 years.

Me: I don't wanna continue, and I left.

I think I fucked up. I really do. In my presentation , my browser was left on the search page of "How to detach a head " which supposedly I want to search "How to detach a head in git" but I was in a rush forgot to include git in the search. And after the presentation, I day dreaming and subconsciously staring at one of the coworker, he begin to tell me to calm down as he leave the meeting room.

I think my action will get me arrested man.

A previous co-worker (dev) bought a "foot mouse" he found on a Chinese website, then changed his keyboard's layout to match the "natural human cognitive ability" also bought a sleeping bag because he needed a "power nap" after lunch break he even asked our MD to buy him an ergonomic chair which would cost around 1200 USD ( of course our MD refused) then the worst of the worst, he had this habit of chewing his food loudly when he's eating something he likes.
One time our operations manager (she was pregnant XD) screamed at him from her desk " RAYAAAAN SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH I CAN HEAR IT FROM HERE DAMN IT"

He literally spilled some of the food he was chewing on his desk and I burst out laughing like crazy.
On the same day our MD told us to follow a new "no food in office" policy 😂😂😂

Sad story is that when he left the company I had to revert his PC to how it was including resetting the keyboard layout to default, remember his "foot mouse" ? Well he had to modify the mouse settings so all directions were inverted.

The first thing I said when I turned on his laptop was

FUCK YOU RAYAN!!

Fixed this guy's code and he spent the whole day thanking and explaining to me how sad and depressed the bug had left him. I felt really sorry for the poor dude. Lol.

I think this is so far one of the most priceless WTF moments I encountered at my current work:

A coworker of mine came up to me explaining the problem he had with russian characters in the filename. He explained in detail that everything works ok (the other part of the code he was fixing) if he changes the name of the file to test1.xlsx for example which doesn't use russian characters. OK great.

Then he goes on to show me how he fixed the other stuff and of course everything blows up. The file he used for demonstration was of course the original file our cusotomer provided, he just deleted the obvious russian chars and left the rest.

МТС != MTC

I cracked up: but you still have russian chars in the name.
The guy: no way, I deleted them all.
Me: but what about that МТС in the name?! Guy: what about it?
Me: did you actually typed that in or you left it there?! Those are russian chars that are fucking things up for you.
Guy: no way, it's MTC.
Me: checked the logs, you have ??? In the filename instead of МТС..don't you find that at least a little bit suspicious?!
Guy: but it looks the same. How does it (the computer) know it is in russian?!? //Why doesn't it understand?!

O.o I still can't believe it.. Is it just me & my high standards, or should it be normal for coders to know things such as character encoding & stuff?!?

I almost died of laughter, he and some other guy had problems finding customers in the software due to not being able to type the russian chars << happened more then once before, even after I told them about a quick hack on how to use google translate onboard keyboard & other stuff to make proper chars so they can get a match..

I think when they bury me, I'll still be facepalming and laughing over this incident. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Professor in Programming 1 & 2, 54 years old, divorced, has two kids in our age, golf player

Every time, he came in, we started with the lecture, than he started to talk about politics, greta, the stupid young people, specially the women, always the women. While he was talking to himself or asking us students very personal questions to judge us and recommend how we should do it better, he was talking himself into rage. We never learned something about cs or java longer than 10 minutes, the other long hours he only talked and talked about personal stuff or politics.
One day he asked us about the method of training a dog. You train a dog with pushing his face into his own pee. Than he said with us it is more difficult and that if he would be allwoed he would use methods like this and other very effective stuff on us.
He always starts his emails with
Dear humans
To make fun about gendering.
Another day a student came 1 minute to late, the prof stopped talking became very angry, first he went to a armchair and was sitting there for 15 minutes without saying a word, than he left without a word the room for 30 minutes and when he came back we had to listen to one of his monologues for some hours like usually.

And these are only some samples, he always acted like a little kid, but our university is very poor and i dont think they can effort a better professor for this.

I've told this one before, but the guy had his platform bought with a promise of partnership. they kept stalling the contract, and he would repeatedly ask when he was gonna get paid his share, and eventually they said "we never promised that". he deleted everything from the team's computers, revoked all access and left. since there was never a contract, they didn't do anything about it

Recently saw a piece of code left by a former coworker where he converted an int to a long, by converting it to a string, then parsing the string.

It's not a dev quiting but my brother who worked in parcel delivery at that time.
He was hired on a temporary contract but promissed from the beginning and in every discussion they had, that he'll get a permanent position after 6 moth, if his work is good.

Fast forward 6 months. They had a meeting and told him how satisfied they where with his work so naturally he asked about the permanent contract. Fuckers acted suprise and shit. Claiming to never have said any of it. However as they are happy with him and so "generous", they offerd him another contract for 6 months and told him, they could talk about a permanent one after that period.

He kind of has a temprament, so he got up, fliped them the bird and called them lying assholes and went home. He didn't show for the time left on his contract.

The funny thing about it he worked for the swiss postal service (which is owned by the state) but not directly but through this.company providing temporary workers (which is cheaper for them as they get a shitty salary compared to a full time employee with all the benefits).

Wankers!

Nice thing though, the accounting department still sent him a christmas bonus (he quit somewhere around mai...)

Why can’t motherfuckers look where they’re going?

Went to the petrol station to put some more air in my tyres.

Some old dude was reversing out of a parking spot and had turned left so was now reversing along th back of the other parked cars.

I pulled into the car park, saw Home reversing and stopped, he was well clear of other cars, but he kept going back, I gave a little toot toot of the horn, but he decided to keep going and hit me.

It’s not the end of the world, and his insurance will cover it, but it will knack my no claims bonus.

Fucking Sunday’s, I shit ‘em

The previous developer left no fucking documentation of how he developed this fucking website. Did I mention no one else in the company knows how he developed this fucking thing.

Fuck.

Paranoid Developers - It's a long one
Backstory: I was a freelance web developer when I managed to land a place on a cyber security program with who I consider to be the world leaders in the field (details deliberately withheld; who's paranoid now?). Other than the basic security practices of web dev, my experience with Cyber was limited to the OU introduction course, so I was wholly unprepared for the level of, occasionally hysterical, paranoia that my fellow cohort seemed to perpetually live in. The following is a collection of stories from several of these people, because if I only wrote about one they would accuse me of providing too much data allowing an attacker to aggregate and steal their identity. They do use devrant so if you're reading this, know that I love you and that something is wrong with you.

That time when...

He wrote a social media network with end-to-end encryption before it was cool.

He wrote custom 64kb encryption for his academic HDD.

He removed the 3 HDD from his desktop and stored them in a safe, whenever he left the house.

He set up a pfsense virtualbox with a firewall policy to block the port the student monitoring software used (effectively rendering it useless and definitely in breach of the IT policy).

He used only hashes of passwords as passwords (which isn't actually good).

He kept a drill on the desk ready to destroy his HDD at a moments notice.

He started developing a device to drill through his HDD when he pushed a button. May or may not have finished it.

He set up a new email account for each individual online service.

He hosted a website from his own home server so he didn't have to host the files elsewhere (which is just awful for home network security).

He unplugged the home router and began scanning his devices and manually searching through the process list when his music stopped playing on the laptop several times (turns out he had a wobbly spacebar and the shaking washing machine provided enough jittering for a button press).

He brought his own privacy screen to work (remember, this is a security place, with like background checks and all sorts).

He gave his C programming coursework (a simple messaging program) 2048 bit encryption, which was not required.

He wrote a custom encryption for his other C programming coursework as well as writing out the enigma encryption because there was no library, again not required.

He bought a burner phone to visit the capital city.

He bought a burner phone whenever he left his hometown come to think of it.

He bought a smartphone online, wiped it and installed new firmware (it was Chinese; I'm not saying anything about the Chinese, you're the one thinking it).

He bought a smartphone and installed Kali Linux NetHunter so he could test WiFi networks he connected to before using them on his personal device.

(You might be noticing it's all he's. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't).

He ate a sim card.

He brought a balaclava to pentesting training (it was pretty meme).

He printed out his source code as a manual read-only method.

He made a rule on his academic email to block incoming mail from the academic body (to be fair this is a good spam policy).

He withdraws money from a different cashpoint everytime to avoid patterns in his behaviour (the irony).

He reported someone for hacking the centre's network when they built their own website for practice using XAMMP.

I'm going to stop there. I could tell you so many more stories about these guys, some about them being paranoid and some about the stupid antics Cyber Security and Information Assurance students get up to. Well done for making it this far. Hope you enjoyed it.

On my first day at work realising that I would be working on a code base with 1.5 million+ lines of code and the only documentation is half a paragraph some guy wrote the day before he left 😑

This guy was the worst. We already knew each other because he taught me calculus at university. He hated me for no reason and he failed me for fun I think. Next semester I got an A with a different lecturer. So after 2 years he got hired as a project manager at the first company I worked at and he was bullying me there so he continued where he left off. I quit so the situation got resolved but that guy was the worst.

My manager just left the company to become a independent game developer. His game is also available in steam as early access.

He just became extra cool to me.

And he is using unreal engine for it.

That made him extra cooler to me 😁

After a company Christmas dinner, some employees went to a bar together. One colleague was so drunk that he felt from his chair. We lifted him back up again, but left him under the table after the third time.
However, he came back on his own, having his dong hanging out, and left a puddle below the table.
So we walked the colleague through the entire town to get him back to the hotel.
When we arrived there, the guy mopping the hotel lobby was able to tell us his room number within a second after noticing us.

*The interview wasn't off to a good start, as the recruiter forgot he invited me for an interview, so he just led me to some empty office after letting me wait for good 15 minutes. *

Them: Here, write some pseudocode to find a value in a tree.

Me (thinking): Interesting question; DFS / BFS would be really simple here, but nobody uses trees for that - perhaps I should ask about characteristics of the tree in question?

But before I realised, the interviewer already rushed out the office, so I just picked up my jacket and left...

Left this for my boss... he won't see it...

Today as my friend left for lunch, I opened his code, and changed all the ';' (semi-Colon) to ';' (Geek Question Mark). It's been 10+ hours, still no push from his side on the repo, called him... He is still stuck on the same.. and I won't tell him.

I am a horrible person. 😂

Today was the most fuckedup day of my internship as a software developer. I have this shithead manager who doesnt know how to explain the client requirements properly and keeps on fucking yelling at me for not understanding the requirement and not coming up with the right output. That asshole compares me with the other teammate as to how fast he is and how slow i am to even write 5 lines of code in python.(I am new to python). He has yelled at me in his cabin with the door open so that everyone on the floor could hear. Most humiliating and disappointing day of my life. I dont feel like seeing that shitheads face again. I just have a month left and i will be happy if the opportunity doesnt get converted to a full time. Todays events have made me doubt myself to a great extent and has left me disheartened. Ranting abt it makes me feel a little better.

My worst ever manager was at my first job. He was a dumb, conceited asshole who somehow made everyone believe he was the best at what he did. Luckily he took special interest in me (me being a young girl in my early 20's and all), and tried to spend as much time with me as possible, to the point where he got jealous when i preferred to hang out with another coworker rather than him on business trips, or took smoke breaks with someone other than him.

To name just one example, we were drinking at my coworker's hotel room until late, at which point I fell asleep on his bed. I was later told that my manager wouldn't leave and let the other guy sleep (assuming that there was something going he did not give his blessing to). Finally he left at about 4 am, just to appear the next morning ten minutes early to pick us up, directly at my hotel room of course, to check on me. He was the sneakiest, slimiest bastard I have ever met.

Of course I left the company as soon as I could, and told HR about it. Don't worry though - by the time I left he's found himself a new 19 year old intern to harass, who happened to enjoy the extra attention.

Refactoring code of somebody who left and:

- Plagued the code with TYPOS (milions of them but ok I can live with those... to a certain point)
- Used global variables by default.... of course even where they're not needed
- Used comments only in parts of code where... well they're not needed, important ones are of course left out
- Did not indent code. 3..2..1... Did not FUCKING indent code properly and when he did... did WRONG!
- Instead of indentation he used commented line with multiple ==== signes.... so far top is 60 consecutive lines with olny ==== again no apparent pattern here
- Did not follow a fucking standard in variable naming... no camle casing... there are varaibles assigned multiple times to "temp" variables without no reason just for the sake of wasting resources on the system I guess

This is just the beginning of the review but I already want to change job, die, scream, cry... not in any specific order.

I had a short gig for a startup where I was meant to migrate the entire backend to serverless. It was my first time learning what serverless was and I had just been working on the app for around 2-3 weeks.

Boss rolls in with his leased Tesla and sort of hints at me being finished with a certain area by the next day, giving me a wink as if he's just trying to motivate me to keep on struggling.

Turns out he decided that he wanted a fully fledged demo and went off on me because I hadn't finished migrating the UI for that certain section (just the backend). I decided that there were better things to work on while I was at it migrating the backend. Had I known that he expected some form of fancy demo, maybe I would have done things differently.

He then proceeded by letting me know that he could have finished my work in half the time it took me and decided to remind me that I had a probationary employment. I left the company two weeks later and the app never got released.

i once had a manager that would fuss at every little detail.

front end had to be pixel perfect on every freaking device he could find and the backend being over documented that one liners needed a bloody comment.

//is it true?
if( true ) {

}

anything needing more then 5-10 minutes to work out required several meetings to discuss every tiny aspect in detail.

drove me insane and glad i left!

!rant
In my Software Engineering II class, our teacher begins a overview of NoSQL DBs. A buddy of mine leans over and asks me "A SQL DB walks into a NoSQL bar, do you know why he left?"
I said, "No idea".
He said, "Because there were no tables".
Our teacher heard me laugh, so my buddy had to explain the joke to the entire class. Needless to say, the whole class got a kick out of it!

My dream was shattered!!

I joined a new company. I graduated last 2 months before and joined as data analyst.
So I was dreaming to work on some awesome research projects and all, but it was just another dream...people here don't work on any sort of data analytics instead the data science team uses regex and all to extract things and say they are building models.
Ahh...wtf!!!
Many co-workers are good and help me, but the boss. He left all the annoying works to me and the release is in next month...
"BRUH I JUST JOINED YOUR COMPANY!!!"
Then after some days he gave me more task, when he found that one task was super easy(i mean it was just to extract things using bs4 and selenium, hardly will take an hour) to do then he took that himself and in the next meeting said he did that work and it was super difficult!!!
Data science here to senior members is just for loop!! I dont even know why I joined this firm
Ahhh!!! I want to scream!!!

A tourist went into a pet store. As he looked around, a customer came into the store and said to the salesman, "I'd like an Excel monkey!"

The salesman nodded, went over to a cage and pulled out a monkey. He put a leash on the monkey, handed it over to the customer and said: "That's 3,000 euros." The customer paid and left the shop.

Surprised, the tourist went to the seller and said: "But that was a very expensive monkey. Why does it cost so much?" "The monkey can program Excel - very fast, little effort, no mistakes and very cheap!"

The tourist looked at another monkey in a cage. "This one is even more expensive, it costs 5,000 euros. What can he do?" "Oh, this is a web monkey! He masters the design of websites, can program, present and all this useful stuff," said the seller.

The tourist looked around for a while and saw a third monkey in a cage. The price hung on his neck: 25,000 euros. He ran to the seller in astonishment and said: "This one costs more than all the others combined! What the hell can he do?" The salesman replied: "Well, I've never seen him do anything useful, but the other monkeys call him Manager!"

We got an HTC Vive from my girlfriend’s brother two weeks ago. We’ve been enjoying it, playing games, looking at places to move, using it as a virtual vacation (since we haven’t left the house in months thanks to covid and sweltering heat), etc. It’s been amazing.

Today, my 1yo decided it would be great fun to wrap its cord in the exercise bike and spin the pedals (and therefore flywheel) as fast as he could. It ripped the headset band off, broke the plastic attachment, and tore the cables out. He also broke the pedal somehow.

So no more Vive.

We can probably get it fixed, but.
My heart hurts.

Back at highschool me and a friend were transferring movies from one USB to another, and my friend left some movies on the computer.

IT guys walks in and confronts us about the movies, where we thought we'd get in trouble, guess what he says next...

Hey guys I see you have some movies, well if you want you can copy some of the movies from my collection! LOL

Jim comes in and tells me that server RENEGADE-DB1 has no more space left and that he tried to remove a few ridiculous sized log files, but that the system wouldn't allow him. So he used some 3rd party tool to shutdown the processes that used those log files and then succesfully removed them.

Now the database is not working and Jim needs my help.

Hello darkness my old friend.

Fixing someone else's code who left the job.
Production suddenly not working, cannot debug locally, cannot deploy to a test environment because it does not exists anymore.
There should be a contract clause that developer need to support his project for 2 years after he leaves his job.

Before I left for vacation two weeks ago, I busted my butt to build out another portion of my frontend testing framework and get it in place (and spec’d) to unblock a coworker on a semi-high-priority ticket. I sent him detailed notes on which areas of the product it covers, how to use it, and copied one of his (blocked) tests over and updated it to use the new methods, pattern, namespacing, etc.

I came back today and discovered … he hasn’t even touched it. Everything is exactly as I left it.

Wheeeeeee.

Maybe this is my retribution for participating in yesterday's rant about public transportation.

Saturday morning, I had an 🥚and 🍌. I was happy.
I went out to meet with my GF.
I got a window seat on bus.
The seat on my left was empty for few stops.
A mudafucka big kid came and sit beside me.
I was like, cool, heyyo kid. Not some greasy old dudes or ready to slap chicks.
Oh boy can I be wronger?
The mudafucka big kid started with right butt scratch using right hand.
Then followed up by left butt scratch with left hand.
And then did a wiggly body scratching using his seat like an alien snake.
I got itchy looking at him.
Also I said big two times because he spread his big thighs so wide it took 1/3 of my seat.
And now playing loud ass games on his phone.

Not a good sign for my Saturday.

Avicii died. 😞😢
At just 28.

He got me through some tough and grueling times. I still use his tunes while coding. I'm still shocked that he left so early. But he made it count. He might've lived short but he lived large.
I'll miss him. I'm sad that he left so early. But his work will live on. I hope to become as good at programming computers as he was at using them to make music. His music was perfection. RIP.

This guy I know applied for a senior position at a company I used to do freelance for. He walked in while I was spending the day there to work on our project.

We used to work in the same company and I knew that this guy doesn't know shit. He's the type that would foam in the mouth while bullshitting his way through any sort of discussion.

Anyway, they had him set up on a computer a few tables from me to complete some coding exercises--real simple stuff just to see how he would approach some common problems.

There was no time limit set but the tests shouldn't have taken him more than an hour.

He sat there for SIX HOURS.

At this point, I went out for a smoke, came back 5 minutes later, and found that he wasn't there anymore.

Apparently, he just stood up and said, "Nope, can't do it" and then left the building without a word to anybody else.

We never heard of him again.

Oh, and the tests? Not a single line of code written XD

Some days before my graduation me and my roommate were invited for an interview. We arrived at mutually agreed time.
The interviewer asked nothing about our coding knowledge. just some personal questions. after a brief conversation he started to explain the job responsibility to us. It seemed we were both hired. We were happy that we are getting full time jobs before graduation. And then he asked us if we can commit to stay in the company for year. We both agreed if the terms are good.

After that he tried to hire us for
$125 USD per month.
we did not spent another minute bargaining with him. We just left saying that we will let you know.
We were shocked.

Hmmm there are several

Senior dev would leave for weeks(he was company co owner) and would blame shit not being done on me even though he gave me no access to his codebase. Shit back fired right in his face.

Senior dev called me an idiot(different company) for stating that I learned about MVC from Rails. I have no clue what triggered that reaction, but the way he said it really ticked me off. It was on a remote position, left soon, the dude was s cunt.

Next goes for my office: we yell random shit all the time, from racist to sexist to all around disturbing because we are constantly unsupervised.

Head of department knows:P he laughs with us.

So, I got a call from my dad today asking me how to forward an image on WhatsApp.

He kept saying, "I have made it blue, now what?"

It took me a minute to realise that he was referring to 'long press an image to highlight it' 🤣😂

(He had clicked the left arrow to reply instead of the right one that forwards and he was confused that it kept opening the keyboard. It was the sweetest and the funniest thing!)

Coworker was helping me getting used to XQuery, which I‘ve never done before. In the middle of the task he looked at his watch and said, that he has to do a phone call and left.
That was the last time I‘ve seen him.

I have to refactor code from an intern. He's VERY lucky that he already left the company.

If I'd say he programms like the first human that would be very insulting to that first human.

It looks like code at first sight, but when you try to understand what he was doing to achieve his goal you get a brainfuck. Duplicate code, unused code, dumb variable names like blRszN.

He wrote unittests like "expects Exception to be thrown or Server returns Statuscode 500".
Yes, Exception, the generic one.

THESE FUCKING TESTS ARE GREEN BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ACTUALLY TEST SOMETHING.
GREEN IN THIS CONTEXT MEANS: YOUR PRODUCTION CODE IS A BIG PILE OF SHIT.

I already removed 2 bugs in a test which caused another exception than the "expected" one and the test does still not reach the actual method under test.

Dumb fucktard.

The sad thing: The fuckers who did the code reviews and let this shit pass are still here writing code.

What is it with this team and the developers it attracts. 2 devs joined and left, both had several years of experience, both couldn’t google an issue to save their lives and needed to be helped 24/7.

Now we are mentoring a PHD student for a piece of his project. Dude was left stumped by an error message that said “Can’t find file at path ...” because the path didn’t exist. He spent a few hours trying to fix it before asking for help.

How, HOW are people getting through college / university without being able to read, or debug such a simple fucking error message

Usually when you ask "I have a problem with service X, who wrote it?".
The answer is "Y wrote it but he left the company XYZ years ago".
In company I currently work the the answer is "Oh yes X wrote it 20 years ago, go ask him"

I pranked my friends ex, nothing bad, just fun. First i screen shorted is desktop, flipped it and made it his new desktop. Then flipped the resolution, so my upsideiwn bf was cool. Lastly I change his mouse behavior, I set it for reversed.
Fun right? A typical person might get a lil pussy and have to fix it. Some might even fix it themselves. Regardless have a lil chuckle.
He smashes the monitor and keyboard, left them, both in a pile.

@dfox created devrant to rant and after creating it he felt so satisfied by the appreciation and community , that he left with nothing to rant about.

1 friend who is currently studying in Canada.
I am not aware if he uses devrant or not.

Met him in a national robotic competition 3 years back.
Somehow, we exchanged numbers and nowadays we talk often whenever we get time (considering our busy life and timezone difference)

He is studying robotics and frequently sends me his designs and output with 3D printer.

About me, I left robotics(to be specific embedded) and got a job and working on backend these days.

Though, it's great talking to him and getting to know how the education goes there and his new works.

He also has a beautiful love story(not yet completed) which is another fun part to listen from him.

i'm feeling so sick right now.

PM invited team for today to present his "vision": "<name of our component>: what it is and what it is not".
but it didn't make sense and showed that he hadn't understood the problem at all. the whole architecture made no sense given the problems that shall be solved. his architecture diagrams missed some essential parts that were actually the giant weak points of his concept. his pseudocode, that should exemplify interactions between components, didn't address the complexity of required interactions at all. it's like he expects some magic to happen and has no fucking clue about the requirements (but acts like it), even though he is the manager of this software project.
and when devs ask really interesting questions that fundamentally question his concept, discussions lead to nowhere and questions are not answered. at some point he literally said "there is no such thing as <name of our component>, i still have to find this out"
really!? after one and a half year, since you sold the idea for this component to upper management, and after half a year of development, you still can't tell what it is what we actually want to build? are you fucking serious?!

at some point in discussion he said that these questions need to be answered but that "there's no time left", and he ended the meeting. although there was still half an hour of meeting time left.

i'm so fucking sick of this, i hate everything right now. i can't listen to this bullshit any longer. in discussions, he contradicts himself all the time, it is so fucking surreal i'm starting to feel like i'm insane.

it makes me really sad and tired. i don't want to care about this shit any longer.

TLDR someone in my team took credit for work he didnt do;

I know teamwork is a good thing and when everyone does their share of the work, it is.

I submitted a computer science project to an event in the UK called the Big Bang fair, I was in a group of 3. We had been meeting every week after for the past 10 months. During these sessions me and uke have been meeting for 1h 30m where as oon could only meet for 1h because "he had stuff to do" and he never saw the point in staying longer. Oon had also been a massive distraction whilst the time he was there as he did no work and messed around on cookie clicker.

Anyway we found out last week that the Big Bang fair was coming very soon and we had not written a write up or done any preparation for the presentation we had to do. Me and uke set up a google doc and started adding stuff to it (as we only had a few days left at this point). Whereas oon did nothing.

I ended up staying up till 3am in the morning finalising the write up over the weekend with uke helping. We asked oon to help but he said he didnt want to stay up late so didnt help.

Then the most stressful 2 days come round. I devoted all of my free time towards the project, uke devoted most of his time and oon devoted 1 hour after school on one day. He said that he couldn't do one lunchtime but I found him in the ICT room playing games :/.

This didn't matter THAT much but what pissed me off is that he started boasting to all his friends about all the work I did and credited it as his own. At the actual event he said nothing during the presentation because he knew nothing about the project. HE DIDNT EITHER BOTHER TO READ THE WRITE UP HE WAS BOASTING ABOUT. What do people get out of taking credit for work other people did.

We didn't win anything and I wonder why

wow thanks for reading all this you deserve a sticker

This one is more...puzzling than anything else.

We had a consultant come in, a young guy recently out of school. He completed his basic onboarding stuff, got along okay with everyone, etc., but was quiet and kept to himself.

At the end of his first week, we were heading out the door on Friday afternoon, and someone offhandedly said to him “see you next week” or something benign like that. He responded with “yeah we’ll see,” which was...odd.

And then he completely disappeared – we never saw him again.

Okay, so he just decided the job wasn’t for him and quit, right? What’s so strange about that?

Well, for one, the company technically owed him a paycheck for the week, but they couldn’t reach him despite multiple attempts. They eventually left a message and said if you want to get paid, come in and pick up your check. He never did.

But not only that, he *abandoned his car* at the office! On the Friday that he left, he apparently got a ride or a taxi home, and then he just never came back in to get his car. The company eventually had to tow it.

I just would love to know the backstory here. Why would someone go through the trouble to apply for a job, interview, accept the position, work for a week – and then quit without getting paid and leave their car behind??

... I Help a junior out by creating a fix for an issue they are having, later this very day he starts to share this fix with everyone. People are singing his praises what a clever junior. I'm just there in the corner of the room left like wtf just happened.

This happened like 6-7 years ago when I used to do some logo and Web theme designs as a side job. There was this motel owner client who wanted me to make a website for him . he didn't give me much to go on except some themes he liked and some pictures of the motel. I finished the website on time but of course he didn't like it, he told me that he wanted it to be bluer(?). So I played with the colors a bit and showed it to him a couple days later, but now he didn't like the font that I used he wanted a font that stand out, like those Gotik ones; I politely told him it would not look professional when he refused I told him it would look like a teenage Lamer at Tumblr. After that he settled down for a less idiotic font. I finished the final cuts the next day and went to the motel to setup the website and show him how to use it. After a good hour of teaching him in the ways of the Internet I told him I needed my payment now. But the guy only wanted to pay half of what we agreed upon because I delivered it late and also didn't do his requests. I reminded him, that this is my job I worked hard for this. That he owed me what he promised. His counter argument was That all I do is press some buttons on a keyboard and that I don't know what working hard really means. That was the last drop. You see I usually have somewhat good pr skills but I can only tolerate limited amount of bulls*** at a time. So I deleted the www folder from filezilla and told him to go F*** himself and left. Never been a freelancer ever since

My dev mates are all gone for Xmas
Before one of them left we hugged.

He said:gonna get laid tonight, I'm going to be all out of orgasms
Me:YOU CANT SAY THAT WHILST YOUR HUGGING ANOTHER MAN!

Wtf is wrong with my friends

They like to freak me out by saying awkward things in uncomfortable situations

PS I don't hug people like ever I was trying to be nice 😕

Boss left. Now I'm the only c# developer left to maintain 137 projects at this company. I woke up to a flood of emails with 3 requests and 2 applications breaking because he was a shitty programmer and didn't understand layering and design patterns and unit testing. Fucking dear God help.

Freelance client fired me on Friday, with literally a couple of minor issues to take care of left before launch. When I inquired, he said they're going in a different direction. I immediately smelled bullshit. When I asked who to turn over the files and DB to, it was their idea to allow me to broker the deal to switch things over and hand the keys over. I asked the new dev what framework or installed CMS and he thought I was crazy for asking. He told me they're taking by build of the site and finishing it. That's fucking low.

Today during my Algorithms lab, the guy sitting to my left began digging his nose like he had buried treasure there. 🤢
Oh how I wanted to smash his face on his keyboard. 😭

Few years ago a girl from our HR was hitting on my co-worker. She was asking all kinds of personal and professional favours just so he would come by her place, etc. One time she asked him to send her few C/C++ questions that she could use to thin the crowd of potential candidates before inviting them for the formal interview that he'd conduct later on. Obviously she wouldn't know if the answer is good or not but hell with it, he was ready to storm that pink fortress! So he came up with some mind twisters. She left two days later before he even reached the drawbridge. Sad.

So about six months ago he got fed up with some bullshit and left the company. Yesterday we had dinner. He was interviewing for quite some time being picky about which offer to accept and, surprisingly, during his last interview he got asked very familiar set of questions. He answered each. Then he couldn't resist and asked if the girl works there. The guy confirmed and, without a warning, called her. As if it wasn't awkward enough this is how I was told the conversation went:

- "Joan! You won't guess who I've got here! Your very good friend, Peter! Nope. Yeah, that one - how did you kn... Uh-huh. Oh? Yeah. Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't. Deal!"

Then he turned out to Peter and said:

- "You know what? I wasn't going to hire you for shit because in my opinion your knowledge on the subject matter, how to put that gently, sucks ass... But apparently Joan here says you're professional and can handle everything we'll be able to throw at you. So when can you start?"

Needless to say he took the job. The fortress fell soon after and he wanted to meet to ask if I'm coming for the bachelor party. I'm ordering t-shirts with "batch mode off" in monospace.

A good friend of mine turned 38 yesterday. It will be his last birthday. Last month was his last Christmas and New Years. He entered hospice care this month. His doctors have said he's only got a few weeks left, so he's come off the treatment for his brain tumour. His kids are old enough to understand he won't be here much longer. A bunch of us, friends from high school, flew up to see him in the fall. It's hard to believe someone our age won't be with us to see another year. It puts things in perspective.

I recently left a job after a few years of intense work and long hours. After leaving, I left a critical but fair Glassdoor review. Since then, I have received multiple emails from the CEO of my former employer asking me to remove the review and including (what I perceive to be) threats of the industry being “small” and mentioning my new manager by name.

I had seldom spoken to the CEO before these emails – a bit of small talk here and there in the office – and his notes to me contained details about personal and family struggles (as justification for poor leadership and mistreating employees?) that I thought verged on inappropriate. I had also delivered all of the feedback in my review throughout my tenure at the company – and, of course, had not received any interest from leadership in discussing my thoughts until I made them public.

What is the best way to respond here? As an attempt to diffuse the situation, I sent a kind email back acknowledging that working there was at times difficult, but also expressing my gratitude for all I learned and the opportunities I had. After that email, he again asked that I remove the review and made reference to the “small community” of the industry.

Should I remove the review? Is he really going to tell my new boss that I left a critical (but truthful) Glassdoor review? If he does, will my new boss even care, or will he see this as a weird and inappropriate overstep from my old employer?

I spent the last 3 months trying to hire new developers for my team. I found someone experienced who is great and a graduate, who is, well, a graduate.

For some reason he thinks he knows everything about our framework he has never used and seems to think he knows how everything works in our codebase which he has never seen.

That’s fine. I’ve had my share of cocky developers.

But what confuses me is that when I ask him what critical bugs are left, he reels off two significant ones. I ask what it will take to fix it. Of course he says he knows how to fix it. So I say great. Then fix it and let’s move on to a more fun part of our project.

Suddenly he didn’t know where he problem was and so I told him he had to investigate and come back with something concrete.

It’s just frustrating managing this developer who is deceitful.

In a former company we had a CEO that was no developer but thought he knows better just because of googling stuff.
One meeting was a very ridiculous one. He told us which technology we should use for the new project. All of us developers objected and agreed on something better.
It ended in he yelling at us and calling us stupid and incompetent. This meeting lasted almost a whole day.
I left the company soon after.

Got 15 days annual leave left from last year. My boss can't afford to send me on leave because we are only 2 developers. The other person really doesn't know what he is doing on coding.

So yes, my boss fucked my annual leave too. I hope he enjoyed it.

My new phone will (as a default feature) discover the devices that my housemate is using to stream content on the WiFi network - and let me control them.

Right now, I think he's getting ready for bed, but he left the player paused instead of turning it off.

Let the fun and hilarity ensue.

Spent 18 hours debugging and finding a fix for a critical bug, casually told about the fix to a senior programmer and left home. Couldn't go to office the next day and what I see on the day after that is endless mails praising the senior guy for fixing the bug. He stole my fix!

I was just a junior developer, and the senior interviewer had just left for a quick break.

And, I had to interview one dude for the post of Web Designer (we were not asking for experienced devs). And, then he comes up, opens his laptop, goes to a folder and opens an html file that turns out nothing but a "Save Page as.." of one News Website. Seriously, I just said nothing, asked him a bunch of questions and off he goes. I could not stop laughing later.

At my first job I had a senior who took backups of code by zipping it and uploading on Google drive. Once I told him why don't you use git, he said it's not as secured as Google.
I left the job one month later

One of my coworkers just had a baby, so he left work today and won't be back for a month or more.

We (accidentally) took the client's website down for 3 hours, messed up our git repo and when we finally fixed both things, I had to spend the rest of the day editing fucking vector graphics (which I had never done before and completely suck at).

I never realized how much work this guy does or how important he is until now.

We had a kind of "computer club" back in a year. (AG in germany). The teacher left us (4 nerdy geeks) alone for a few minutes because he had to check on something.

He was still logged in with his IT-teacher account.

After a minute of reseach and a few little commands, we had our own school network admin account.

They still haven't removed (probably not even discovered) the account.

Sadly, the localgroup admin didn't have the highest rights..

Had a stupid sales dude. Lost his driver's license due to reckless driving (and this was a few in a row including drunk driving) for 6 months. As it was his job required to drive around he got instantly fired.
So he had to leave laptop, iPad and phone with us (IT). His next stop was finance for the lease car but he was pissed, left the building and drove off.

Apparently rules are super shitty for the theft of a lease by the registered employee. So we could not really mark it as stolen. We alerted the police anyway and he was caught next week for driving without a license. So he went to jail and we got the car back

At the beginning of April there were 9 of us in Ops, come May there will only be 3 of us left. :/

They've left because they disagreed with some the CTO was trying to do and he fired them, or just because they hate him. Every week it's a new game of "Who's going this time?".

In the middle of a big project, many demands from the biggest client of yhe company, he left the country and called the boss after 2 days tellinf him he's not coming.
boss is angry,
client is angry,
I am happy.. because client is a piece of shit liar asshole

So I was coding a project that was left for me because the initial developer was fired (I didn't know why). When I was reading his code:

var saturday_sunday = week.day - 1;

Now I understand why he was fired.

Oh wow, so many memorable co-workers, though typically not in a positive way. I guess the most memorable was this project manager who got his job solely through nepotism. He was a fucking moron, putting it lightly. He would rattle off buzzwords and jargon that he had randomly picked up in a completely nonsensical way, which made him sound even more ridiculous. He didn't seem to notice our blank stares.

Anyway, since he loved to show everyone just how awesome he was, he had to have the latest and greatest laptop. He had some top-of-the-line model which cost an insane amount of cash back in the day, but of course he got bored of it when something better came out six months later. So he decided to sell his old laptop.

Now, this was his personal laptop he was selling but we were about three months away from launching a top-secret project which had a seven figure budget and a lot riding on it. So what did this absolute goose do? He sold his laptop unformatted with a metric shit ton of confidential files and documents on it. As fate would have it... he sold it to someone who just so happened to work for a competing company.

Cut to about two and a half months later, around two weeks before the launch of this massive project, our competition comes out with something incredibly similar and beat us to market. Aghast, senior management then found out that they had obtained a treasure trove of confidential information from this numpty's laptop, handed to them on a silver platter.

The following Monday, with a sombre mood in the office, this guy cheerfully comes in through the door and is immediately yanked into the boardroom by management. What followed was around thirty minutes of brutal, relentless, non-stop shouting, table- banging and obscenities. When it finally stopped, the door quietly opened, this guy walks out as white as a sheet, turns towards the exit and left the building.

We never saw him again.

We have a 45year old junior that is left to his own devices. He simultaneously wants help all the time and won't listen to the answers. He also wants help but doesn't want to redo things he's fucked. He wants to finish tasks but not write tests in case it shows problems and he has to do more work.

The worst thing is he wants to get work done but cba to learn the framework, language, tools he's using, or just the feature of the framework he is literally using for his task. He just fumbles about like a blind man in a strip joint until things 'work'.

Retarded senior web dev:

shouting 'STOP' to the ones who pointed out his design flaws

cannot accept a js file with more than 100 lines.

nitpicking others not limited to his owm group

eager to try bleeding edge alpha builds packages for large application

left the company before finishing the project he started

Look at that. The very fucking smart colleague spent 40 days implementing a repository pattern (WHEN WE'RE USING AN ACTIVE RECORD ORM), breaking stuff left and right. Does he use that fucking pattern at the very least?

Of course he doesn't. And along the way he's making sure to create conflicts with the stuff he broke (and I'm fixing). By the time I fix the merge conflicts of one commit, he pushed 6 of them.

Many people were hired to work on new product, but no one have told them that for one or two quarters they will have to maintain 20 years old project. I was ranting about this, but in the end accepted my fate, wiped tears with money and moved on. However one of devs took another path. When he was asked to work with .aspx and jquery 1.X instead of react, he just said : "Not going to happen" and left the building.

I scored a GBA sp (with Super Mario Bros 3) at my local Goodwill today for $20. I always wanted one as a kid, but I almost didn't get it cause some asshole found it first. I saw him fumble with it for a solid 3 minutes before he could get it to turn on. Finally he put the cartridge in the right way and flicked the power switch. I thought it was all over. At that point the dumbass realized it worth something but instead of buying it HE HID THE GAMEBOY AND LEFT. I wasn't going to wait for him so I bought it myself 😂.

A little back story:
A dev who left already implemented a system and modeled the data like he doesn't even care because he was going away in one month anyway.

This sucker here inherited the responsibility to remodel this fucking clusterfuck of data.

I was trying to do a good work here until today but some things came to my mind :
I don't care.
They don't care.
Fuck it.
I'm gonna do the same shit and the next person can suck ma'dick.
I have better things to do.

Look, I'm gonna do a lazy job that is gonna be a million light years better than what this sucker did anyway.

Background: Since last 3-4 months, was working with a senior engineer remotely on a project.
Present: Currently, I am Out of Office and yesterday late night, I opened my official mail and after sometime I got an email with subject: GOODBYE!

It was from him. The same senior engineer with whom I was working. I thought it was a joke. But people don't joke when they send such emails to a huge group of people.

I never knew he was going to leave so soon. I wanted to learn so many things working with him. I used to ask him the silliest doubts ever.
I still wonder why he left the company. I have so many questions to ask him.
I am sad. I am feeling left alone.

It's awkward that today, this very moment, I can't ping him anymore forever.

It's obvious to be more professional and such things are normal.
But, I am fresher and my first project was with him. So, it's kind of tough for me too.

I know this will help me to grow up stronger and teach me that time isn't constant and we need to always be ready and use the right time preciously and deal with the "constant change".

And also, wherever he goes, my best wishes to him and I hope I will meet him some day.

Teaching new devs, hired straight from India.

This is today.

Bug1: We have four lists, each item in these lists has a variable called "Charge". This var is a double and we need to convert it to currency.

Dev creates fifth list called "All lists" and converted it's charge to currency then questioned why it didn't work.

I explained, his solution? Convert each list into currency.

I explained that's wrong and told him what he needed to do. He did List1:Charge into currency, but left his other conversion in place just in case.

I walked him through fixing it which took 10 times as long as necessary, only to find out he randomly converted four booleans into currency for no reason.

Bug2: we take integer, convert to string and concat "Months" on the end.

Doesn't work for him, tells me he doesn't know why.

I told him that he's not outputting the variable that we did it to, he is instead outputting a custom variable he made and didn't do anything to.

Bug 3: followup to #2, he fixed it as I instructed, but then added months as static text to the output so now it reads "Months months".

Bug 4: to make his code cleaner, he presses enter in the text box. Unfortunately he did that IN A STRING so his output is full of random /r/n

How do you guys deal with coworkers like this? He isn't new, this is supposed to be an experienced developer. Im only in my 2nd year

One day, I was waiting for a friend to install windows... after 2h he just says: ah, I'll just take it home and wait it out there!

So, he put his laptop in his bag (btw the usb stick was sticking out) and left it there.

Just as he stepped away from the bag, the bag just decided to fall down and exactly on the usb... and ofc it broke down...

The face he made I'll never forget.

All the Jeff Bezos and Pichai fanboys aside .. we really should appreciate Nadella for the work he has done with the mess left by the Steve Ballmer .. 🤔 especially with all the developments now .. visual studio code , GitHub embracing the open source market and understanding Microsoft's customer , market trends and what a true consumer product is. What say ?

Management Double standards...
At a previous employer, the manager had me doing some QA testing for a updated version of some customer facing UIs. I spent 3 days constantly testing, except for my lunch break.
Every bug that I found I sent to a Sr dev.
Now this Sr dev was a coding savant. I mean awesome coder, but he had the personality of a rat and snake combined. If he wasn't coding he was brown-nosing the manager, talking about how he was doing all the work, or trying to rat on us other devs.
Anyway this dev has spent the 3 days of bug fixing alternating between watching videos and fixing bugs. Don't know what the videos were, don't realy care. I do know that he did not like to be disturbed while watching them...
On the third day, on my lunch break, I decided to watch two fifiteen minute videos on VSTS feeds and linking node packages.
As soon as I started Sr dev came over and asked me if I was focused on the teams priorities. I told him that it was my lunch break and since this was related to an upcoming sprint I thought it was worth it.
This S.O.B. goes full out hissy fit. He was flat out throwing a tantrum like my small daughter would. He made such a noise that my manager walked over and asked what was going on.
This shitbag Sr dev smirked at me and asked to speak to the manager in his office. When the manager called me over I knew what was up. I was lectured on not focusing on the teams priorities. I tried to explain that the videos were relevant to an upcoming sprint but was shot down. When I brought up the fact that the Sr dev was watching videos, the manager told me flat out that he didn't care. I was mad and told the manager that this was bullshit. All the manager cared about was keeping the Sr dev happy. I was told to "treat <shithead sr dev> with respect or else".
It was at that time I decided to look for another job. Less than a month later I left, for a much better paying job with awesome benefits. Sr dev acted like he was hurt I was leaving. Manager couldn't have cared less.
When some others on the team heard what he did, they started looking for work elsewhere too.
A month after I left another Sr dev on the same project left. At the same time a BA and QA tester demanded to be put on another team or else they would leave.
Manager started out with a team of 6 was left with only two people.
When the last one left, manager had the nerve to ask me why I didn't let him know anyone was unhappy. I told him if he cared so little for me, why would I think he care about them.
Ultimately, leaving was one of the best things I could have done.

Ffs, I've finally finished a project where I worked with a guy who was the laziest coder I have ever worked with.
He didn't even try to come up with meaningful variable names😒.
Instead of naming a variable label1 (which is already kinda s***) he tried lbl1 but still made a typo so the actual name was ibl1.
AND HE LEFT IT LIKE THAT FOR THE REST OF THE PROGRAM!

Leaving my current company for another opportunity. Boss has been working remote for almost a week now. When he shows up at the office, behaves like I don't exist anymore. Throwing in comments like "let's hire this guy, he's got some actual AI experience and not some academic bulls**t" while making sure I definitely hear them. His childish behavior leaves me wondering here what he thinks he'll achieve with it. At least makes me to look forward to get out of here. Oh well... Only couple of weeks left to put up with this.

My tech lead (or senior). I had been unmotivated with my dev life until I joined their team. He lit the fire in me by inspiring me and challenging me with my work. Sadly he left the team after 3 months but I'm thankful because he saved me from burn out.

There was a sales manager who was raked with overseeing me and another dev finish a last minute request project. He said at one point to the other dev that he was mad at developers because we understood something that he would never understand.

This same manager would often sit in on estimation meetings and constantly say that we were estimating too high and needed to come up with faster solutions. When we would offer him with caveats of possible technical debt or unintended side-effects/performance issues, he'd want us to go with that solution. He would then complain that we were always wanting to work on technical debt and that our application was slow. He would also ask for very high level estimates for large, unscoped features/apps without any meaningful level of detail, then hold us to the high-level estimated date even after revealing additional features previously unmentioned.

We learned to never compromise on the right solution and to push back hard on dates without proper scoping. They didn't learn, so I and most of the good devs left.

I was about sign-out and collegue comes running that something is urgent and can't wait till next day.

I said fuck off to his face and told him to go and resume his tik-tok video. I signed out and left office. Next day he reported me to HR. Disciplinary action will taken against me starting next week.

Awesome 😎

just remembered watching a video where a little shit wannabe programmer was interviewed by another shit wannabe it professional "hacker" and the first shit claimed he designed a new language that is better with a compiler 10 times faster and better than gcc when he demonstrated his language it was nothing but a header file with couple of define statements for different C function.
and this dude was in the news and was glorified by people and shit
#justturdworldstuff

I'm glad i left "my" country

This sad Keanu was gifted to me by a coworker and friend. He sticked it to the monitor, when I was on vacation and he felt bored without me.

Keanu is sad, because I had to break one of his legs, so it does not occlude the monitor.

Also the sad post-it-Smiley came later. Another coworker messed around with my cube of magnetic spheres in my absence. He could not put it back to a cube together, so he left this post it on the magnetic spheres. I thought that day Keanu and the post-it fit together well. This sad Keanu now wears a sad mask.

Because this item reminds me of the kind coworkers and nice occasions, it is my favorite item on the desk.

This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...

*Me studying at the library*

*dead silence*

*A guy sits across the table with his laptop*

*starts typing*
KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLACK KLICKITY KLACK

Inner Me: :-| *wth*
You couldn't type any more louder tha..

KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLICK KLACK KLACK KLACK KLICKITY KLACK KLACK KLACK...

Maybe the big "Silence Please" sign doesn't count keyboard noises

His laptop had one of those soft touch keyboards, that no one would hear anything if you type on them.
I guess he was trying to be a pretentious hax0r or something lol

He left soon enough, so, that was fortunate.. 😅

I once had a PM who would consistently ask us to fix one off "bugs" (read little design tweaks). He wouldn't even bother to write them down anywhere. He once came over and asked why we hadn't fixed one of his bugs. We had no idea what he was talking about. According to him, we were supposed to organize and prioritize according to his whim. He never logged into our task management system.

When it finally came time to sell off our work to some of the business owners, we showed some of the "bug fixes" we did because that's all we ever heard we were supposed to do. The business owners were mad that we hadn't done anything they had asked us to do. PM throws us under the bus saying that we didn't know how to do our jobs and that we never listened to him. I was so glad when he moved to be lead of the QA department. Then I wasn't so glad.

He would have bug quotas that his team would have to meet. He pitted the entire QA team against all of the devs saying things like, "All the devs suck at coding. It's our job to save the company and the world from their buggy software." He got the only good QA guy fired because he faked a bunch of documents stating that they had had performance reviews and no improvement was made (these meeting never actually took place), and that he hadn't been meeting his big quotas. He was outside of our department and was buddy buddy with one of the C-levels, so his word trumped ours.

Then one glorious day, after I had already left the company, his department was absolved into the technology group. That same day was the day he was fired.

I kind of pity him. I didn't know if he had a family, but how can a man such as that support his family? Perhaps he doesn't have a good relationship with his wife and that's why he sucked at his job?

One of my employees just gave me a panchito(basically a fried tortilla chip with cheese, avocado and meat) and went away. He legit bought it from the cafeteria, walked all the way to the office to give me one, and left to eat it back at the cafeteria 🤣🤣🤣 bless him.

Our tech lead left a mess in the database. He turned his screw-up into an architectural discussion, weighing the benefits of duplicated, messy data vs. keeping it consistent. He suggested that, instead of fixing his broken script and cleaning the mess, we should break all of the other scripts and have them trash the database, too.

They almost believed it.

What a clever maneuver. I wish he would use his cleverness to make good software, instead.

I have a new Job as a full stack developer, so Im here to tell my story, you see,I told my boss today that im quitting,
Which he replies by telling me to wait, to see if he can get the CTO to pay me more,
now the CTO sais, "HE IS ONLY A BACK END DEVELOPER, HE'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, I THING WE ARE PAYING HIM MORE THAN ENOUGH" So I said fuck him and left :D

HR: "People you got to keep believing in the software so we can succeed. You look like a pack of beaten dogs who have given up the fight".

I can choose to believe in God and that he will bless us with a miracle but that's not going to make it any more real than believing in the software is going to fix all the work still left. 😑

A few years ago I was working in a startup where the designer was given way too much decisional power (he was friends with the owner).

He had a tendency to keep editing parts of the design during the development phases, so when we had to work on a new big section of the application, before starting the tront-end development, I asked him to confirm that the mockups were final.

He confirmed the design was final and was not going to change.

10 days later, of couse, he sent a new, completely different, set of mockups. The startup owner expected the new design to be implemented without moving the deadline.

(I left that startup shortly after. The issues with the designer were just the tip of the iceberg.
The owner tried to keep a payment hostage to "force" me to sign a new 1 year contract. He backtracked when he thought I was recording the call. I got my payment and left.)

People who don't mind their business.

So a while back, in a casual conversation I mentioned to a customer that I maybe might *possibly* have some jewish ancestry, on my *fathers* side, like my grandparents. Distant ancestry. Like the sort of distance that leads to things like dumb polish jokes.

Anyway, this guy starts coming in on a regular basis and talking about jewish related things constantly and I just want to ring him up and be left alone.

He asks me "so aren't you supposed to be in synagogue or something? I thought you're people were really adamant about not working on the sabbath?"

I looked at him deadpan and said "Money is my religion. Have a nice day."

He laughed nervously "uh yeah, thats good, okay, gotta run."

Best part was he forgot his eleven cents in change.

I don't know if I should be sad or be happy...
It's a few days left until I get back to college from my IT internship. The team was awesome. Literally awesome. The chief wanted to hire me as a developer. He asked me if I would accept his apprenticeship offer. I got stuck and couldn't answer :D
I would accept it, but I can't rn. Still want to study...

Told my boss i planing to leave...he just started to breathe heavily...and left office.... tomorrow will be interesting day

Gosh only Idiots out there...

Told my coworker, to install the tomar manager on server 1. Same easiest way for him just copy it from server 2. He was already in console of the first... then I see that he opened winscp, navigating via gui to the directory miss clicked a few times. Tried drag and drop the folder to desktop. Get notified that he didn't installed the plugin. Dragged it to another folder on his pc in winscp. Started new session of winscp for the other server. And so on. I said after he started the first winscp that the command line would be 1000x faster.
Meanwhile I wrote the command for this torture on a sticky note and left the room. That wastes too much time of 2 ppls. Good old days when the most people's know how to use a console.

Microsoft engineer walks into my room. we need to join your laptop to the domain, as part of the migration and upgrade company policy. so I give the guy my laptop. The guy has an agonizing look on his face! He goes. This is linux! Mind you all this time am nodding and bouncing on my chair. The guy bolts from my room, as if he was going to report direct to Bill Gates. Apparently the dev team was left out in the whole migration plan!

left the office early today to see my 2 years old son before he goes to bed.
it's 11pm and I'm working from home, gonna wake up around 5:30am to commute to work.
I really need to move closer to work

I worked with a developer for months. He was senior to me; on more money than me and had way more experience. I spent at least 25% of my time explaining the most basic stuff to him. Things like 'no, that's not how a cache works', 'no, you shouldnt be doing string concatenation inside a loop', 'no you've completely written the wrong thing because you didn't listen'

When he left, he claimed to have finished off a feature for our application. We dove into it, rewrote it, made it more efficient, the code cleaner, the documentation more succinct and the logic more obvious. When I say we, I mean me and a student, and by me and a student, I mean the student with some very light prodding from me.

Designer makes an app Mockup using an iOS template. I make the android version and the ios dev makes his version.

Upon completion, the client rejects mine saying that I forgot to put back buttons in the top left corner of each screen.

My face when he didn't reject the ios version for not having a hardware back button. 🤦‍♂️

One of my colleagues tried upgrading his Windows 7 laptop to Windows 10... he had multiple issues getting the installer to run but got past it after a couple of hours troubleshooting.

He left for lunch when it got to 81% installed, and got back an hour later to find "Something Happened" proudly displaying on-screen.

He clicked 'okay' and it just started rolling back to Windows 7 with no explanation as to what happened, or even any error codes!

Thanks Windows!
As helpful as always!

My previous boss has bad habit of relieving employees. He find out his links in a employee
s new company and then god knows what he did with that.

For, that reason I did not mention my current company when I switch but today I tried to find out those people who left before me it was shocking that no one updated their current company.

Creepiness of the former boss was real. Everyone was scared.

Show up for job interview 15 minutes early. Interviewer is over an hour late. I left. Doesn't even apologize the same day. Instead, he e-mails me the next day pleading for another chance. I didn't respond.

Einstein supposedly has a quote attributed to him: "Perfection isn't achieved when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to remove."

I find that I aggressively refactor code where I can to only what is absolutely required. It does also have the knock on effect of reducing scope of bugs, when the code is smaller there's only so many places bugs can be.

Tesla claimed to have the ability to create designs in his head and only built things once he was satisfied that it worked in theory first, now it's rare I can do that, but I will use a repl to prototype or test modules in isolation before just hacking on the actual code.

Jobs, I mean, I know he didn't code but he was always insisting on designs that looked good and was generally uncompromising in his design centric view.

My friend, she was my Starbucks barista for a while but I've slowly been teaching her code and she's taught me a lot about how to teach others to code, she also happens to be my favourite student.

Oh god, so many... I'll list my top two then, just because I can't decide which one was actually better. (:

One of my work colleagues left to go to Cape Town, so we filled his Corsa sedan with helium balloons and wrapped his car with clingwrap. :D The good sport that he was, he still climbed in and drove forwards about 2m with all the balloons. Lol.

Then for my boss's birthday, we wrapped literally everything on and around his desk in newspaper. His phone, monitor (secondary for a laptop), his shelves, everything on the shelves, etc. Took him a few hours before he could get back to work stuff after that, and some things still stayed wrapped for a few months... If I can find the photos from this I'll share them.

Ah, we have so much fun here... Hehe.

my friend was bragging how he could program a game on his TI-84 calculator
it was just a (buggy) random number game
I told him good job, I program a bit, too
he said "yeah? what do u do?"
I said "I made two apps"
he walked away
I thanked god

A guy I used to work with shit himself. It soaked through his jeans and into his seat before doing something about it. He then carried the seat over another colleagues head and left the office. It was hilarious. Though I don't think it was a prank, I think he had an upset stomach

I was pair programming today with one of the seniors in VS. He thought it was weird that I had docked solution explorer to the left side instead of the default right. This makes me wonder, why is solution explorer docked to the right side by default when in almost every other editor (even VS Code), the "document overview" is always on the left?

Does most memorable in a bad way count? 🤔

He left almost 2 years ago..or even more.. left a bunch of bugs and logical fuckups for me to fix.. some already fixed, some still lingering there..

I want to not blame him for everything, since we lack proper code review protocols and all.. but I've asked on several occasions if he understands the problem and what must be done..and the answer was always yes..results, after I got time to check up on him, the code he wrote was most probably copy pasted from stack overflow or somewhere else.. butchered in any and every way possible..

And of course already checked in to TFS.. along with bunch of files that were not even changed (he didn't bother to check that and exclude them) + a bunch of files from other projects... Told him to not do that on several occasions too, but he still managed to fuck things up this way.. leaving all the uncommented debugger; crap and alerts in the js files..

On one occasion I was working on new GUI..api part I already finished..got the order from above to delegate this to him as it is not much he can fuck up so I could focus on more important & complex stuff..
Maybe additional 4h of work + testing for everything..
I show him the prepared files, one controller, one view..explained what parts of code goes where etc.. a little short of writing everything myself.. Ask if he understands what needs to be done & how and told him if he has any problems/questions to ask me asap..
Said he understood what needs to be done.. after a day or two he asks me why something is not workig as expected.. I check the files, correct initialization was commented out and all the code was stuffed in the view file.. Took him another day to move the code to proper files.. Not sure about the possible bugs left there as the client later decided that they will not be using this..

I later found out that years of C# experience on his CV was actually a school course.. he didn't even know why the changes on api are not showing up..because he didn't know that he has to build the code..

I mean, if he was honest when asked about experience with .net, we would've taken a month or two to just explain everything from the start..

But as he didn't and based on his CV (much more experience with .net than me) and 'I understand everything' attitude from the start I assumed he knows WTF was he doing..

Boy was I wrong..

He was also more interested in how much I get payed and if I have a company phone etc..than actually doing his job.. I fucking hate chit chat, and this..well.. he didn't get the hints that this is in no way appropriate to ask.. I've told him that if he has problems with his pay and bonuses that he should talk to the management and not me about this..and that I'm only interested in his actual work and progress..

So yeah, I'll definitely be remembering this guy till the day I die..

A previous colleague of mine had plenty of years in the industry as a Java developer, but somehow still had absolutely no idea what he was doing. We used to send screenshots of his PRs to each other just to give our eye balls something to roll about - I have never seen anything like it, anywhere.

After multiple warnings of never delivering a single thing he eventually "voluntarily" left the company. He now works at a school teaching programming to students. The circle is complete.

Once in corporate stuffy devland a major monopoly-in-their-field client was raging at our tiny company and trying to scrutinize everything we did for whatever reason

The client's head huncho, some department head below the execs or something, insisted he have a code review meeting with the lead developer, which was me, and scrutinize my code in a 2 hour impromptu meeting one random Tuesday. Up until this point I was not allowed to even be introduced to the client so I'm a little ticked my company is throwing me under the bus like this.

So I get into this call, share my screen, guy is raging and asking questions left and right about every line I had written, firing, fuming, shouting... But it's clear he doesn't know how code works. So then I start teaching him how variable assignments work and function calls... He got so bored he left the meeting in 30 minutes and it was never spoken of again lmao

I was talking to a CS student here at my University the other day. We were discussing our high school careers. He had the opportunity to take 6 different CS classes, but he cheated his way through most of the classes.

Meanwhile, I had the opportunity to take a huge total of 0 CS classes. But boy did I desire the ability to take CS classes.

It's kind of sad that students who desire to learn get left out in the rain, while people who can take classes just cheat their way through the courses.

For some project, I wrote this algoritem in Java to parse a lot of XML files and save data to database. It needs to have some tricks and optimisations to run in acceptable time. I did it and in average, it run for 8-10 minutes.

After I left company they got new guy. And he didn't know Java so they switched to PHP and rewrote the whole project. He did algorithm his way. After rewrite it run around 8 hours.

I was really proud of myself and shocked they consider it acceptable.

My boss's SQL schema has no foreign keys and he said he left them out intentionally because they should be handled in the application layer and they're a large performance impact.

This is a fresh greenfield project and he's already pre-optimizing for problems we don't have yet, on things that may or not be bottlenecks using ideas (e.g. foreign keys have huge performance costs on mariadb/auora) with no hard data or facts to back them up.

Let's start a new project with some technical debt!

"When my father passed away, he left me with a substantial inheritance that I used to ... " become an utter moron and buy crypto and then lo and behold, lose it all cuz daddy failed to raise me proper. 😐

There. I fixed the last scammer's prompt.

At one of my previous gigs, the IT director was just some guy that dated the bosses daughter. When she inherited the company he went from entry level data analyst to his new director position. IF he decided to show up to work at all it would be at just in time for lunch, and then he'd head out shortly after.
This guy would ask for an estimate on development and then start the timer when marketing started working on the project. This would often lead to us estimating something like 4 months on a project, and then waiting on marketing for 3 of those months, leaving us with 30 days left.

My 8 year old nephew gave me a call
nephew: I think I deleted recycle bin
Me: you need to make some settings for it to show on the desktop
Nephew: what should I do
Since I was on Ubuntu and he was on windows I made few guesses
Me: right click the mouse go to personalization then click on theme
Nephew: okay wait......done now
Me: what do you see on the top left
Nephew: fan
Me: hang yourself

So, a close relative of me is a local politician in my hometown.
I managed his political website for a while but then I completely left it in the hand to who deal whit is PR.

Today he emailed me to update only the header photo. No big deal.

After a bit of scrambling I find what I used when I made that.

FML I hate me of the past

Once I was pairing with a colleague on his box. His setup is three screens; two large monitors and his MacBook. On the Mac, he has a messaging service that syncs his texts. Unbeknownst to him, his wife sends some dirty pictures to him. I don't know how long they were there, but once I saw them I politely tried to ignore them with no avail. I lost my train of thought and just laughed. He figured out the issue and quickly closed the chat. He was cool about it, saying our build times wouldn't feel nearly as long if he left it open.

Pair programming gone wrong? More like "gone right".

Fuck. My boss left for a meeting with the client to show him the new frontend. 5 minutes after he left I saw that on the staging server half of the page entries were gone for the non-default localizations. FUCK.

It took me 20 minutes to restore the fuckery. I hope the client didn't see it...

I technically joined just after this guy left(fired) but the stories are to good to tell!

The guy was clearly off but It wasn't his fault he had to of had aspergers

He would demand! To write with two pens in one hand he said it was faster and the only way he could write neatly... (Nope)

I don't think it was to weird but he would put on music and play death metal stuff full volume, because he couldn't hear anyone the team used to make paper planes and fire them at him when they wanted his attention.

Another thing he was into furry ... Stuff but was super open about it had. Wolf's and shit like that on his desk and always had a wolf shirt.

But he was fired, he wasn't great at his job.

I came in to help sort out the mess it was the government's setup for servers and nurses and doctors computers for the NHS over in england.

He effectively skull fucked the entire system.

He magically (I to do day can not understand how) did forced updates and installed to a newer version of Windows servers the problem being the programs wouldn't work on newer windows at the time.

Most were on XP at the time and they used windows servers back then.

Luckily not nation wide just in my local area but still thousands of computers affected.

The issue became this ... You see they had this program on their computers that let them get patient documents and update etc

He removed code or added code that made it update all the laptops and desktops to a new service pack which they didn't want... Then he upgraded the servers to a new windows version I don't remember the specifics

But the updates and new version of Windows made it so the laptops etc couldn't communicate with the servers.

... The next day he got fired and I was brought in for a few weeks to help sort out the mess.

But apparently he was a super interesting guy but with way to many quirks.

It costs the tax payers a fortune! Literally a few million to sort his mistake out people were working round the clock for two weeks straight.

My friend was a really good programmer he had an awesome working environment and amazing colleagues but still he was not satisfied and left the job he said he couldn’t get arrays

Slogging through half baked code, I wondered to myself... Who the fuck is Robert and where is he?

Quickly searching through Google and finding a handful of results I see that he had left long ago. Probably leaving for good reason. I'll never be able to ask him though. Never will I know why he left. He probably has a very sensible reason, but goddamn do I wish he left something that I could use to discern what he has created.

There is no documentation, no reasonable information about why anything was built the way it was, only just mountains of rusty ass baren code to scale down.

Working on opensource have some interesting challenges. For example my past employee is still stalking us on GitLab, trolling and complaining. My favorite complain of his is that we are moving too fast since he left and was replaced by a junior developer working parttime :-D

And here's that app.css single file that my predecessor left for entire project. It's the second work he left a treat for me.

Kill me please.

Btw the code looks like it's been written by a second grade kid...

My lead always steal my work and showcase it has his work to the manager. I always look for a chance to trap him in front of Manager.

One fine day, He gave me an work which has to completed on Monday, I sit over the weekend and finished it’s but partially committed it.

He is a blind thief, As always he says that he himself completed over the weekend.

While running in front of the manager they face huge issues because it’s a half cooked product. Manager purposely sent an email to our team without mentioning the name of my lead.

After few days my lead silently put paper and left the team.

Rant: i have a software firm, recently got a new project, found a freelancer to work on the project.

He is a very good developer but he works on the project only when he wishes to work and I am left to answer the clients about project delays.

It's so frustrating that I can't get angry on him otherwise he will leave the project and on the other side I have to answer clients. I am stuck with all the tensions in the world.

Haven't seen anything from linuxxx for sometime. Any news?

Ah transports

Minding my own business in a crowded train, listening to full blast music. As the song changes I sort of heard an announcement but didn't get the subject.

Guy in front of me does a 180° and starts talking to me. I thought he wanted some guidance, so I removed my headset and never did I regret more doing that, that guy just went on and on about his life and stuff that I don't care about, until he got off his stop. Ironically, before he left off he said "you know my mama always told me that you should ignore people you're not interested in" (Forest Gump Swiss edition? He didn't have a box of chocolates though)

I was like "yes, fuck off, not interested in your bullshit", but well, noticed he might be sensitive.

After he left some teens just came and pretended I didn't exist as they invaded my corporal space. Pushed one gently as he was leaning on to me a bit too much.

People must see me as a help point, you know those terminals where you can browse stuff... That's me. The Father of them all.

This is a personal rant, not a devRant. BUT ITS STILL A FUCKING RANT.

Anyways, I don't have a lot of friends. In fact, only one. That one friend used to pull of his moods on me, and I was more or less okay with that. When he was in a bad mood, I didn't annoy him too much. However, I expect the same from him.

Today he really triggered me badly, and at some point he knew he should just leave me alone. We were in a LoL lobby, and went into the Discord where I could hear how he is dragging me down, saying I'm an asshole etc. As a result of that, I left the lobby, and heard him say more bullshit. Then he talked about how he left at another server, since they were assholes and excluded them.

At was at that point were they deafed me. Meaning, I couldn't hear nor what they were saying or speak for myself. What is this bullshit? I mean, if your fucking best friend does this shit to you, how can you have faith or trust anybody else? It's just really fucked up, and fucking bullshit, and like the only place where I can vent off is here.

What a fucking piece of shit. And I keep forgiving him.

Problem:
some folks left the angular codebase full of ridicolous console.logs, client was upset as he noticed it during UAT

Solution:
1. add extra script in main template page
window.console.log = function(){};
2. translate it into JSFuck
3. if they ask, pretend it's a super-secret encryption algorithm to improve security

So my colleague sees an iPad on a desk that someone has left by accident. He puts in the wrong password a bunch of times to lock it for an hour as a joke and accidentally wipes it!! Turns out it was about to be used for end of sprint client demo 😂

I remember when my module lead left a bug... he immediately went to the client location. He managed to go in the room where only restricted people were allowed.. (even I need to take many permissions to go inside) he confidently asked to check some logs to get the access to the machine, fixed the bug and came back in heroic style.

I was really impressed.