So the person from my previous rant actually tried to make AI in HTML.

Person: I made that AI in HTML today!

Me: Oh really?

Person: Yup. *Opens HTML site*

It was a site that

1) Used JavaScript
2) Was a prompt(), and after answering it alerts "Yes" or "No" randomly.

Me: That's not AI

Person: Uhh yeah it is. It uses a neural network to answer!

Me: Actually, a neural network is a dot product of an input and vectors that are refined using partial derivatives.

Person: Yeah! That's what Math.random() and alert() do!

I left that room as quickly as I could (yet again).

Apple, which dumb fuck thought this would be good? ok new mouse, no more batteries it can be charged on a wire, cool you may think, until it actually needs charging and you discover that the charging port is on the bottom, making the mouse unusable whilst charging!!!

Friend: Hey, can you fix my laptop? The hard drive is almost full.

Me: (Looking through his folders) Maybe it's because of this. Why do you have 3000+ files in your downloads folder? Maybe I should delete some of this.

Friend: No no, please don't touch the downloads folder, I have some very important documents there.

Me: Why don't you move them to a separate folder then? You should organize the ones you actually need and delete the rest. This folder is a complete mess.

Friend: No no, the problem is not the downloads folder, there must be something else. Can't you just uninstall some programs to free up space?

Me: I could, but I don't know which ones you actually use.

Friend: What? You should know!! You studied computer science for this!!

Me: First of all, there is not a single class in the whole 4 years of university called "How to uninstall programs and free up space on 128GB hard drives of shitty €400 computers". Second of all, I don't know why you were expecting me to find a magic button on your laptop that immediately frees up all the space in a hard drive without actually deleting anything. That's not how computers work, you know.

Friend: Hey if you didn't want to help me you could have said so in the first place.

Me: FML

Today I met a girl who’s super cute, down to earth, smart, uses no social media, and games. I would normally wake up soon after such dreams, but this actually happened today. I asked her out before it was too late 😊

Trying to teach coding to a kid:
Kid: Can you teach me XCode?
Me: No but I can teach you Swift or Objective-C
Kid: But I want to learn to code in XCode
Me: Yes you will code in XCode but I will teach you swift
Kid: My dad said that you actually know how to code but apparently not.

Today's my birthday.

I want to remind everyone that we're all just kids pretending to be adults.

No one actually has it figured it out.

😊

Client: Urgent! App is crashing!
Me inside: Wtf, Crashlytics didn’t send me anything, it betrayed me...
Me: What’s wrong?
Client: Some random user sent me email that app is crashing SOMEWHERE(!?)
Me: ................................... no problem, I’m working on it.

*Tomorrow*
Me: Fixed, everything works fine now (didn’t do anything actually)
Client: Great, nice work!

Client never mentioned that “problem “ anymore.
#likeaboss

I actually took the time to explain to a recruiter that java != JavaScript... He told me they were similar enough... I put it in terms he'd understand: "If you want to make money, you need to understand that they are not similar. If you keep saying they are and send your clients a dev with no java experience, you'll lose clients. if you send devs to a place that's looking for something they don't know, you'll lose devs. Your pitch reeks of desperation and you'll be out of the business within a year unless you actually start listening to the people who know the tech."

I almost felt bad, but... He kept pushing when I said no, haha.

No, I wont help you solve your stupid problem. If you are not able to read the wiki or the man pages - Arch linux is not for you.

You have only proven that you are stupid enough to listen to other people who likes to brag how good the are, but actually do not know shit.

So you detected that I wrote quit but oh no instead of actually quitting I get to know I have to write quit()

I am so fucking fed up with being brought into a meeting because you "understand the technology" and then no fucker actually listens when you say that their idea won't work because the tech isn't magic.

That moment when the client is actually happy with your design. From the beginning.
And requests no changes.

Finally finished all the current issues and tasks I had set out to accomplish before the holiday began.

Boss comes by - "you're doing some good work, do you have anything you're working on right now?"

"No, I actually just fin-"

"Good, I think now would be a good time for you to redesign our entire intranet."

"Haha. Yes."

"secure" messaging apps which aren't open source.

Isn't it common sense that, when you can't check an app for anything because it's closed source (backdoors, vulnerabilities etc), you technically can't be sure whether it's actually secure or not?

And no, I'm not going to trust an app dev on his/her blue fucking eyes on this one.

From Mr Robot
“Most coders think debugging hardware is about fixing a mistake.
But that's bullshit.
Debugging’s actually all about finding the bug.
About understanding why the bug was there to begin with.
About knowing that it’s existence was no accident.”
— ELLIOT

Always question the obvious!

Like:

Am I actually calling the function?

Ye......... No..... OMG

> be me
> install linux on encrypted drive
> takes 8 hours to fill the drive with fake data so theres no chance of data leakage
> save encryption password to phone
> phone doesnt actually save password
> realize you dont have access to pc anymore
> cry
> reinstall linux

That movie about Facebook being made is so inaccurate. No one actually codes for hours straight. A good 90-95% of their time is combing through stackOverFlow posts from 2001

I remember my first software engineer internship, the boss was terrible. He was cheap and only hired interns we had 0 guidance. This mother fucker would say shit in meetings like "hey we should start providing DBAAS, similar to DynamoDB start researching it I want a prototype by Wednesday" Wtf this guy is nuts. The overall product was suppose to be a fucking virtual machine hosting platform to compete with AWS, Digital Ocean, RackSpace etc designed by BS computer science interns lol. This guy tells us in a meeting one day "You know what's the difference between those guys (the competitors) and us?" We all looked around lost. This pompous ass hole says "Me , that's the difference you guys have me " 😂 what a fucking joke , not to mention all he has is a shitty math degree from a bullshit no name college in India, no developing experience what so ever. Man o man I never met anyone that was so fucking stupid but thought they were so fucking smart

My boss, delusional as always and getting worse every week, conveys the news that eight interns have been taken on. Without asking us seniors if that would be a good idea.

Us: ”who should, you know, actually help these good people out?”

Boss: ”we will have to work that out”

Us: ”we don’t have the time actually to do this without seriously pushing deadlines forward”

Boss: ”we will have to work something out so that this does not happen”

Us: ”soo, we don’t have to actually help these guys and girls once they are here?”

Boss: ”no, they obviously need a lot of help. What we do here are really complex”

Us: 😬

*friend sees me using inspect element*
Friend: woah dude, are you hacking?
Me: no, actually, I-
Friend: Dude, how do I do that? I want to use that to hack Clash Royale! Or minecraft!
Me: *facepalm*

Actually just 2 hours ago my boss showed me his "hack" which solved a problem he worked on half of the day.
My eyes suddenly began to itch heavily and I felt a strong urge to quit immediately.

The problem was no big thing and we actually spoke about it at noon and I made a proposition how he could solve it.
Turns out he .... aaaaaahhhh I better do not mention it, as it may summon evil spirits... sorry.

- No I wont give you a ballpark estimate.
- No I wont grab a cup of coffee to discuss your idea
- No I wont check out your existing app/website

I'm a professional and my time is actually what I'm selling. If you want me to spend my time on you then you better spend yours to persuade me.

Send me a brief, your research on competitors, your roadmap, a deck, whatever. I'll probably won't read any of it. But at least I'll now that you you mean business and you value and respect my time.

FUCKING TIMESHEETS!!!

"Have you got your timesheets?"

NO, I FUCKING DONT, BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY WORKING A ROLLOUT, MY FUCKING TIMESHEET ITS A FACT, SOFTWARE WORKS = I WORKED, SOFTWARE DOESN'T WORK FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A TIMESHEET!!!!!!!

I have no words to describe how I'm feeling these days. I have to do a C project for uni.

After a couple of years dealing with web dev, javascript, typescript, angular and stuff, for the first time I have a project where I have to deal with only two problems:

1) my code
2) my machine

No tools, no bloated libraries, no webpack, no json configurations, no tutorials.

It's just me, vim, gcc (actually nvcc, it's a cuda based project, but still) and the cuda manual.

I feel I'm actually building something.

Plus, the guy I'm doing the project with is cool with this stuff and most important he's open minded.

I'm happy

Recruiters in germany try to pick your interest with coding “challenges”. I like the idea but this is actually no challenge at all! 😃

This is my debugging pal.

He gobbles em all up.

No, really, he is. This isnt just for the practical humor. Hes actually my debug pet thing.

5.5 hours in... No progress. Have actually gone negative progress...

Most coders think debugging software is about fixing a mistake. But that’s bullshit. Debugging is actually all about finding the bug, about understanding why the bug was there to begin with. About knowing that its existence was no accident. It came to you, to deliver a message, like an unconscious bubble floating to the surface, popping with a revelation you’ve secretly known all along.
-Mr Robot

Fuck ever working for a company that doesn't know shit about the worth of a developer ever again.
> be me
> just got my first class masters in Soft Eng that I worked hard as fuck to get
> get a job for a pretty well known medical company here
> offered a bit less than what I was expecting but fuck it, it's a job straight out of uni doing what I want to do
> fuckitwhynot.mp4
> stay for a year with no bonus programme, no pay review, no objectives, no perks, literally fuck all
> see literally every other position in the company be promoted and actually supported from IT & the developers
> feelsBoomerMan.jpg
> get the hail mary recruiter "you'd be great for this role" linked in DM
> follow it through and go to the interview
> nailed it
> comes to negotiating a starting salary and they actually laugh at my current rate and immediately raise it by about 30% with bonuses, reviews and all that shit occurring regularly
> later virgins

I'm actually starting to search for a new job and no clue about this so I'll just sit by and watch 😇

him: *explains feature*
Can you do that?
me: No.
him: Okay, you'll do that.

spoiler: I did it. This actually happened like 3 times with the same dude.

I am afraid describing my weirdest coworker would result in me getting stabbed by him with a Mickey Mouse mug. There is no coworker in the world as weird as him, and he would instantly recognise me if I were to describe him here.
I am afraid of his Mickey Mouse fetish. Actually he is 35+ and used t *gets stabbed with a Mickey Mouse mug*

Trying to install Ubuntu onto my newly acquired Asus T100.

It's hardly compatible with Linux but after tweaking around I did get it to boot with Ubuntu 16.04.

I'm actually quite nervous 😅

But leaving windows on that poor thing would be a no-fucking-go so I hope this will save it.

Me: Are you writing data to the disk?
Them: No
Me: Are you sure?
Them: Maybe a little
Me: The disk on that machine is full
Them: Actually I'm writing gigabytes of duplicated data to a random location, use some of it and delete none of it
Me:
Them:

Makes you wanna punch a dev.

Everyone knows that coworker who just defies anything you say for no reason.

Me: "Ah, nice day today isn't it?"
CW: "Actually, today is historically mediocre compared to the rest of the days that have ever occurred."

Imagine trying to solve real problems with this dude.

That brief moment in life when you realize no one actually cares about half the stuff you say.
Man does it suck to be depressed.

Me: *starts to get into electronics*
Me: *unplugs a few wires while building a project*
Me: Shit, actually, didn't want to unplug those. No worries.
Me: *instinctively reaches for the nonexistent Ctrl-Z*
Me: Oh, that's right. My actions have consequences in the real world.

How the hell can people actually WORK with these ultra slim ultrabooks with no ports?? My laptop is getting used like a cheap whore at a bachelors party...

I tend to respect project managers who came from production (ie. who can code, design, or produce something tangible), vs. "professional" managers who have no idea how the work is actually done.

Sadly I didn't encounter many.

Got my first response from a company i applied to a few days ago--it was a no without much explanation as to why, but at least they actually responded.

Q: I have been used as a Duck by a woman, what should I do?

> It's been more than 4 months she left my current company. She still uses me as a duck and to actually quote her here she suggests "no I used your confirmation to reach my conclusion". I need help.

!dev

Fuck Deutsche Bahn in the arse with multiple cacti. A country that is proud of its railway, cannot actually fucking manage to get one fucking train moving on fucking time.

Have I ever arrived anywhere on time? Fuck no! Deutsche bahn can promise to get you there, but never actually manage to get you there! Fuuuuuuuuck!

My Dream Job?

✅ 100% Remote Work.
✅ No dogshit Proprietary Stacks like Adobe Experience Manager.
✅ Reasonable Timelines.
✅ Management defers all technical decisions to you.
✅ Actually Challenging Projects.

These are my Big 5

I LOVE WORK FROM HOME!! I love it sooooo much. You suckers think I’m actually doing work? HAHA. No honest, I’m so much more productive at home than in the office! Hahaha I love this!!!

Grandpa- "so what do you do for a living.. any sports?"
Me-"no, I actually program, you know mess around with computers"
Grandpa-"oh." *looks at my father disapointed*

When you get to 12pm (lunch time) and you've already been in 7 back to back meetings and no longer know what you were going to actually attempt to do today.

Listen kids, don't become the senior dev, you'll never work an hour in your day again!

#iJustWantToFuckingCodeToday!

So a friend approached me about joining an internship. Said you'll learn php, js , jquery and bootstrap. I'm like okay I'm already learning this stuff, cool but is there a stipend or something? She says no but I'll have to pay 5000₹ (72$).

I said "ni🅱🅱a if you're paying, that's not sex that's prostitution" and noped the fuck outta there.

Its just sad how many students with no skills are actually paying to get an internship nowadays.

Why I can't just get this fucking Webpack working?

😡😠😡😠😡😠😡😠😡😠

Fucking es2015! Fucking Babel! Fucking JavaScript!

...No. Sry, JavaScript. I actually love you.

A lot of the string operations in Python, because they are named like shit.

First you have startswith. No underscore. Just two words glued together. No case notation, nothing. So ugly and difficult to remember when Python isn't your only language.

And then there's tolower. Wait, no, it's actually just lower. If we're gonna stick with the shitty naming, can we at least keep the two-words, no underscore thing? No, I guess it's easier to save those two characters.

And isupper, the function to get supper from your iPhone.

Yeah, it's small. But aren't most of our gripes about languages tiny anyways.

This is probably dumb, but I felt genuinely let down when there were no options for facial hair for my female avatar.

I actually waited for a moment, thinking maybe it was just taking a minute to load, but then it hit me :'(

My second computer was a large tower (486DX). When my Mom saw it first time under my desk she asked me: "Is that a mini fridge under your desk?" Me: "No Ma. Its actually a "smart" heater..."

the most incompetent person that ever worked with me had no proactivity, always waited for an explicit order to start to do anything and had absolutely no autonomy. this guy would frequently ask me stuff that he could find with a google search.

when the IT team was let go, the company lined me up for another job, and my boss actually told me "you work well so i can refer you, but i can't do the same for <that guy>". i honestly thought that was his first job, but no. i have no clue how he managed to work in a hospital before that.

To people who may not be aware, Steve Ballmer is no longer the CEO of Microsoft. They actually dont suck anymore.

I learned that there is no undo button in sql after wiping clean 1074 rows of data... #fmdl actually just #fm

Performance Review: You’ve slowed down.

My head: I never get to code cause all we do is meetings. Like no shit I have slowed down. Why the fuck do we have 3 days just full of meetings that I don’t even contribute to ?! I’m not gonna do overtime for this shit

Me (actually): Ah, shucks! Guess we can work on that huh?

Do you know that feeling when you finally have no more errors, but then you can't tell if the software actually does the right thing?

🤢

Wisdom of the day:
'No crashes' is not equivalent to 'it works'...

Lol these dumbasses actually think I'm smart. They have no idea that I just always have the same problem the day before them and I found an answer just before they ask me.

Rant against useless metrics:

No, your bootup time is not from when you hit the power button, until the moment the login screen shows up.

It's from when you hit the power button, until the moment when you can actually use your computer, e.g. the web browser or IDE is running and responding to input.

In the wk83 rants I noticed that users mostly upvote posts that say "I have no friends" instead of posts that actually talk about the week subject.
Are you envious or what?

I don't hate Java, seriously.

I just prefer spending my first hours with a language actually programming in it rather than fixing shitty uninformative errors and learning libraries that follow no standards.

Pour your salt below.

Who remembers time when you actually had to press power button in order to turn your computer off?

Seen some YouTube video the other day with kids nowadays told to work on an old computer with I think win95 and no one figured out what the cryptic "You can now turn your computer off" meant :-)

Dev: The requirement is not clear. This seems to be a general usecase which you are thinking we might need but we won't actually need it.

Manager: You have to do it. This is the requirement. No other option. Don't ask any questions.

...... One week later....

Manager: Why is the team not open to me?

Current project:

A fairly simple and basic single page-ish project with no framework at all.
No backend or database.
No jQuery.
Plain old Gulp task, npm scripts and Webpack.
Some parallax and other scrolling effects.
Client is actually a pretty simple, cool and understanding guy.

This is too easy.

What is this madness??

Had no internet for hours.
Called the support.
"We will fix it!" they said and they actually did. So maybe there are competent people working there as well???

No. Of course not.

Two hours later I receive a call from them. "It was not our fault. There was an update so we had to plug the cables back into the right ports."

Software update
Physical connections

Wat

“Debugging is actually all about finding the bug. About understanding why the bug was there to begin with. About knowing that it’s existence was no accident.”
Mr.robot

Dev trends themselves.

The more buzzworthy the better, tons of material to rant about and hot air to sell.
(No offense to the ones who actually do this tho),

I am actually a bit angry that there is no fucking thing to rant about at my new work - no dumb clients, no dumb project managers (I am doing project management with the boss and the company is somewhat startupish) and the project is interesting as well.

I was browsing through xkcd when I came across this comic. Then I realised that a line break after every sentence is actually what I do when writing something in LaTeX. It has no effect in the end but I feel like it makes the document clearer while working with it. Anyone else who does this? ^^'

Fuck why is there no dedicated button to turn autocorrect on and off, that would be so useful, because I actually typo a lot on mobile, but the learning of it is trash, so for basic devrant stuff it's fine, but anywhere else it doesnt know what to do

!rant
So family doesn't really know coding. Just me and my little sister. But then my dad suddenly made jokes with loops and stuff. I have no idea where he learned it. They're not actually accurate but I really love it when he does that.

Can we all just have a moment of silence for BASIC...

Got caught in a YouTube spiral watching nostalgia need and never realised how big and important BASIC was when it came to home PC's (I'm 21 so have no actual experience with said PC's)...

Also that leads me to the question as to why BASIC isn't still used?

It's actually a really legible language ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Hi - we’ve done an analysis of the front end codebase and we’ve determined that it would be a good idea to start using Bootstrap. Are there any concerns with this?”

“Hey - no concerns, we actually already use Bootstrap in all those places.”

“I was not aware. So you’re saying there are concerns?”

Fuck web development - especially CSS. Actually only CSS.

Love Js/Ts, Vue, React (NextJs ftw) and especially thank you to SCSS for making things easier.

But CSS is my most detested LaNgUagE now.

After I finish these 2 projects, I’m not doing CSS anymore. Minimal touches, sure, but no more positioning.

Maybe that’s why I like Flutter, no hassles yet.

It's kind of sad, not being able to actually fix an open source project bug yourself and seeing your opened issue just lay there for months, with no actual attention, why have the issues tab then?

No, actually - not okay.

Hey, DBA guy! Security blocked this one port for the database. Can you change the database to a different port?
Me: No, I actually like working here.

Me: is it 2020 yet?

My Linux server: yes but actually no.

Love it when testers loose there shit and take loads of screenshots, arrows everywhere, the lot...
But no explanation of what they are actually trying to show.
😂

Me: "Hmm. I should center this image."

img {
align-self: center;
}

CSS: "LOL, no. Intuitively, as a first logical guess at forgotten CSS syntax, that seems like what you ought to type. But this world makes no sense and my creator was a sadist. Here's what you actually need to do."

img {
clear: both;
display: block;
margin-left: auto;
margin-right: auto;
float: none;
}

Best:
Really getting into Rust. It has taught me so many things.
1. Null is evil
2. Sum types are amazing
3. Compiler can actually have good error output
4. Multi threading is actually really scary if you don't have a compiler to back you up

Worst:
I had to deal with SSIS. It has also taught me many things:
1. No matter how 'mature' a product is, it can be awful. Simply dump a random error code, the user can figure out what went wrong, no need for good error messages.
2. The modern concept of the database is crap. It's a gigantic global state that is used by everyone and owned by no one.
3. Don't use tools that aren't made to be used with version control.
4. Even when you tell your team that it's bad, you will be ignored.

There's nothing like the fresh smell of emails on Monday morning, soooooooo fucking many random emails, actually, 2,708 fucking emails, 99.9999999% are stupid useless logs or alerts that have no meaning to me, and yet, I have to setup outlook rules to filter out this shit.

Ah, another glorious Monday 😤

So I'm in Italy, close to Milan, the biggest infected zone in the whole country.

I'm still going to work as we're in 2 people in the office and we're alone in a 90 square meters office, so no big deal after all.

My city is actually empty right now, so I'm just going from home to work speeding on my motorcycle (no really that speeding, since my motorcycle isn't that powerful)

So nothing really changed actually and I'm still working the same way I did before

F*cking wifi driver on acer aspire. Suddenly the WiFi stops working, no way to turn it back on. Alright I'll restart if that helps your pedantic ass. Fucking hangs in restart and then crashes.... THIS IS THE SECOND TIME WITH THE LATEST DRIVERS! DID YOU JUST JERK OFF ON THE SOURCECODE OF YOUR DRIVER OR DID YOU ACTUALLY FIX THE BLOODY THING.

So our main web server got ransomware'd.

By some miracle only a shared directory was compromised and not the whole server.

The server is on an end-of-life OS (Win Server 2008r2), no antivirus solution, no WAF, no log hardening or aggregation, so basically our Security MSP told us "lol good luck finding the attack origin, nuke it and rebuild it correctly this time"

Thing is IT leadership is like "Eh, no harm done, everything is fine" and want to sweep it under the rug and not report it to senior management.

How do i go about convincing them that this is actually important and for once in their life, they should give a fuck ? (This web server is the main moneymaker, it goes tits up and heads are gonna roll).

Client: There is currently no way for us to save forms to “the cloud” (yes they actually put the cloud in quotes)

Me: That would be because this software is installed on your onsite server infrastructure and is not cloud hosted in any way.

I assumed Apache's POI library referred to the XLS spreadsheet as "HSSFSheet" because of some internal acronym I could never be bothered to look up.

I had no idea it actually stands for "Horrible spreadsheet format."

!rant

Ok dev's, im proposing a small movement for windows 10 mobile, if you have used windows 10 mobile personally, you will know it is actually a fantastic operating system that is super snappy and easy to develop for (No i'm not a microsoft fan boy, far from actually).

The only downfall of the OS is the app support, so im proposing devs come together and create quality apps and games for win 10 mobile.

Hopefully this can sort of persuade others into a revolution of sorts (And hopefully change microsofts mind of abandoning it), I personally will support windows 10 mobile for every game I create, within reason.

Some of my colleagues have a joint birthday party, I'm here with them drinking beer. A friend here knows that actually today is my birthday. No one else knows and I hate boasting about myself and bringing attention to myself. I'm fucking sad today... Should have gone home to my family. If you have a beer at hand, have one on me!

I actually have no idea why I got hired. I didn't have an interview rather a chat. Next thing I knew I had the offer letter and an employees contract.

03:00 am
Just coded for 12 hours.

One feature is blocked,
2 are ready for testing
And a third needs some development but actually has no task in the backlog,so that one is in limbo.

To bed
*drops mic

Tomorrow it will all be done.

Spend 10 minutes patiently waiting for a progress bar to gradually make its way to the end, only to reset to the beginning and start all over again. Realize you actually have NO idea what the actual progress is or how long this is going to take and that the first progress bar was actually just representing the progress to this realization.

You're all fucking idiots with no thoughts of your own. No one gave a shit when Drupal and Django made the master/slave change 4 years ago because the idea of the "regressive left" wasn't the cultural enemy of the zeitgeist.

Think for your fucking selves instead of being so brain-dead and reactionary to something that doesn't even affect you.

Fucking neo-reactionary bullshit, that's what it is. You people don't care, you just want an excuse to rant at "teh SJWs".

Fuck.

Me: *Joins the dark side*

Me: Arrrrrrgh! So ugly!

Later...

Me: *Joins the dark side again and uses devRant for 5'*

Me: Mmm... that's actually better, no way I'm going back

I've been eyeing Rust for quite a while and it definitely caught my curiosity, specially after the SO survey. Now I want to learn Rust but I normally need to work on a project in order to actually learn and keep myself motivated, yet I have no idea what to start, any ideas?

No commits?!? Well, maybe you should fucking make up your mind about what the fuck you actually want! I don't give a flying fuck about your pathetic excuses. If you don't get me a final spec, then don't try to skin my back about not delivering updates and "not showing active progress"!!! FFS!

The worst thing that could actually happen: I was working with a designer on a side project which wanted to build and see it grow. Everything went good until... He stops the communication without any reason!
and because of us working remote from each other there was no way of finding out why...

The project died :(

No bugs ever and a client that actually listens

Can I have a big applause for this recruitment agency that baffled me in a good way?

No I'm not kidding! Their employers are actually not total fuckwits at all, as opposed to ALL previous recruiters I've had the nauseating displeasure of meeting.

They really found me 3 perfectly fitting jobs! (and I'm known to be picky)

A funny story I just remember while my code is compiling :

Back in high school, in Math, we were taught how algorithm works, and we made some exercises with practical examples.

I didn't know anything about it back then, so was curious. Was pretty fun, but one day, my teacher said that a IF is a loop. I said "no, this is a test" but she keeps saying that it was a loop, ignoring me (I dunno if she actually heard me) and no one actually noticed it as she repeated it several times (while I was saying that it's not). I just gave up trying to say it's wrong.

apparently with massively long videos, with no timestamp corruption or seek table fuckery, like ACTUALLY massively long videos, VLC dies somewere around the "several hundred hour" mark when trying to get the next frame.

is this a bug or did my hubris exceed VLC's tolerance?

Damn bro Vue 3 sucks actually. It's just a big function now with arguments like "`this` can be sometimes confusing when TypeScript is used." - hell no, my component was a class and this was the fucking class. nothing was confusing about this.

It's all a clusterfuck of magic now, I don't see why writing `ref(5)` or `return { all of your shit }` after `setup() { complete business logic inclusive functions here }` is better.

I was so looking forward to all the improvments, but why do we need these 3 apis with actually no difference, tried to be explained by the same image of colorful blocks in every single fucking article?

what happened to methods? am i seriously supposed to return them from a function? that just feels wrong.

Buzzword bingo in meetings by pointy heads who have no clue what the words actually mean.

That feeling when you realize your work friend isn’t actually your friend, and you have no connection with anyone you work with anymore.

i love to actually understand how the code works! like you're writing some text and surprise - it does magic? no. it goes deeper than that. and when you understand those concepts, coding becomes more serious/fun and interesting

Long story short, I have to drop my studies for now bc serious mental health issues. I feel like a failure, but I mean, I actually attempted to.... well, I'm here to say it and not complete the phrase. I need to rebuild a lot. And I would really to make some friends are. I have no one to talk to.

today, thanks to everyone else being tied up in meetings and forgetting to invite me to those meetings, i actually had a pretty zen day of refactoring and reviving old unit tests that no one ever seemed to know why they didn't work and so they were just skipped over.

Nothing makes me happier than listening to my neighbor's disgusting banda music playing as loud as it can.

No worries tho, the cops will be here in about 20 mins (it usually is 20) one would have expected that after getting the cops called on you for 3 times already you would get the message:

No homeslice. If i want to listen to that cantina piece of shit music on my fucking friday nights I will make sure to let u know :) but I actually have class so no thank you.

This is why Trump hates us (Mexicans)

All this talk about "mansplaining" is actually quite useful when you get boring, non-developer related please-work-for-free questions,
- Can you tell me how to get this printer working?
- Sorry, but no. That would be mansplaining.

Been working with a developer who can't make a visually competent bootstrap site for his life, and after making entire accurate-to-the-pixel mockups for him to emulate we continue to get half-assed work with consistent excuses... My time is now spent going line-by-line through his project items determining what he has and hasn't actually accomplished from his "completed" list. I'm no longer just a designer, I'm evidently now a joint project manager as well, for no extra pay...

German friends...

Thoughts on 1&1? I have tks now, it's painful. Telekom seems shady af, but I have their mobile plan.

I have no idea how to get unbiased info here, so i'm asking people who actually use the internet to work from home and do more than just surf Facebook and cat videos

Every fucking day I'm asked some fucking stupid question that could have been easily figured if this fucker took 2 mins to look.

"Hey why isn't the issue closed with your commit message? Is it because the CI fail?"

No you dipshit. It's because it hasn't been merged into the master branch. And no the CI didn't fail. If you took 20 seconds to actually look into the pull request you'll see it passed.

God why?

So we've got a gif that doesn't show up in our React Native application. Of course, the designers assume it's me: "are you sure the gif is in the codebase? how are you using it in your component"? yeah ok boomer. I'm like, look at this other gif, works fine. "oh" So I tell them, double check the export options on how you are building the gif, maybe there is something there. so now they are asking ME for those export options. I'M A DEV, NOT A DESIGNER, DO YOUR JOB AND FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PROGRAM YOU ARE USING

oh as an aside, I was putting up a website for a client and they are like "my logo is quite similar to many others, is this something to worry about legally?" OH, SO NOW I'M A LAWYER TOO??!!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE GOOGLE IS LITERALLY IN FRONT OF YOU

why do people continually think just because we can code we are fucking designers / lawyers / astronauts
/ god?
man this pisses me off - i think of that draw red lines with blue ink expert video, in the end, just smile and nod: "i can do... absolutely anything... trust me, I'm an expert"

Decided to start using my smart watch again, mainly to track steps and pulse.

It has this weird "body battery" measurement, supposedly it shows how much energy you have left out of 100.

My problem is that I'm apparently in a sleep like state when I'm coding (low pulse, no movement and low breath count), so it charges my "body battery"... But I'm actually working...
Thus the watch is like: "no way you need to sleep now, you slept all day", when I head for bed...
Fuck me.

Most coders think debugging software is about fixing a mistake, but that’s bullshit. Debugging’s actually all about finding the bug, about understanding why the bug was there to begin with, about knowing that its existence was no accident. It came to you to deliver a message, like an unconscious bubble floating to the surface, popping with a revelation you’ve secretly known all along.

-Mr Robot

Nice start to the day, I actually had to use science to open a milk bottle:

Problem: Cap doesn't turn no matter how hard I try

1. Increase the grip strength without hurting my hand by placing a paper towel between my hand and the cap

Still won't turn

2. Run hot water and place the lid area under it for 20s

Repeat #1, it now works!

Oh my god. I woke up and read stan lee was rushed to the hospital. I was actually feeling horribly sad and then I read that he was in stable condition and was like heck yeah!!! No one taking him yet.

Actually, No

Assembly
Right off the bat
No beating around the bush like a pansy
Actually knowing the CPU operations (which in essence are very limited and simple) will help him/her understand EVERYTHING: its limits and its capabilities.

Coming up with a really cool inventive way to fix something that didn't look possible...... but no one will know cause you made it look so easy and no one actually understands your job. It's fine.

I hate it when you actually buy a template and it turns out things only align when your images and text are a certain length.

Dear designer no, my images are not all 200 x 200. Screw you :)

My dad: I don't know why you like programming... you write lines of meaningless things, there is no logic behind.
Me: ...Actually, it's not true... ehm... it doesn't matter... (in my mind: you would not understand)

My mom: "My iPad is broken because I deleted by Goggle account"

Me: "Are you actually using Android tablet? How the hell that you deleted your Google account affects your iPad?"

My mom: "No, I definitely using iPad, and now I can't Goggle. And I don't remember my Goggle account. Can you come and help me to fix it?"

Me: "There is no way to fix it, if you don't remember anything about your "Goggle" account. But I will come and see what happen to your iPad later."

Regain work life balance.
The last few years especially with COVID I've started to do way to much for the company's I've worked for. Working while I was coughing my lungs out when I had COVID. Working during my holiday because it was finally a fun feature to develop. Working in lunch breaks because people would call me all the time (remote there are no boundaries)

I left that company on a good note, started actually healthy as the new company actually understands flex working. However as I gained responsibly more meetings started to appear also causing rushed lunches no more walks of sport activities. Than I was lead in a project and because of some personal circumstances (death in the family) that was running long. Again started to work overtime trying to catch up.

I need to stop doing this. Caring is fine but I just give to much when I feel responsible. Good thing is that my current company actually wants to help me with this.

That moment when you have to work but actually want to watch a Christmas charity livestream 😔 lucky there were no high priority bugs today, so I watched it on anders off

I'm actually making something for someone now. That means I have to make sure it works in IE. Which means no ES6. I die a little inside every time I type 'var'. 😫

I think this is the first time ever on my team where I read someone else's source code and actually went "wow... This is pretty well written and structured". No god methods or classes.

You may know I love to hate tests. Well not the tests actually, what I hate is the TDD culture.

DBMS schema in my app dictates a key can either have a value, or be omitted - it can't be null, and all queries are written with that in mind (also they're checked compile-time against schema). But tester failed to mock schema validation, inserted a bunch of null keys with mock data, actually wrote assertions to check those keys are null (even though they never should be), and wanted me to add "or null" to my "exists" queries.

No, we don't need more tests, and you're not smart with your "edge cases" argument. DBMS and compiler ensure those null values can never exists in our DB, and they're already well tested by their developers. We need you to stop relying on TDD so much you forget about the practical purpose of the code, and to occasionally break from the whole theoretical independent tests to make sure your testing actually aligns with third-party services some code uses.

And no, we don't need more tests to test your mocks, and tests to test those test, and yo dawg, I heard ...

I honestly have no problems with UI designers, I really don't and actually respect the work they do..

But god dammit, those fucktards should try designing the UI with actual code rather than photoshop or whatever they use these days..

I don't :< Honestly, it's just something I don't really think of and I either waste time or do actually work. No need to push myself

This little underscore (actually the absence of whomst'd) was the source of a very frustrating bug.

I tried to debug the sources of a 3rd-party library to no avail, but all I had to do was to read the documentation for the 1001st time. 😤

Are there any other developers out there that start getting scared when a project actually starts gaining traction? No? Just me?

Did not understand why people posted so much on here till I had to argue with my "partner" product manager that SVG icons are better than pure CSS icons, and yes there is such thing as animated SVG, and no I'm not a designer to create fancy icons for you just because they "are actually code" you twat

PM: Heyy team x, could we have a suuper quick 90 sec tops call?

B*tch, if the call is actually 1.5m there is no way we need that call. We can actually respond to your question in text quicker.

But I know you. You can't fool me that it would actually be 90 seconds.

It's also fucking Friday afternoon.

fml

QA: There is a problem
Me: Ok how do I reproduce it?
QA: You do x
Me: I have done x and there isn’t a problem
QA: Oh it only happens sometimes
Me: Fair enough, I’ll try a few times
...
Me: Are you sure x is how you do it?
QA: Oh no actually it’s y

FML

Who knew that NOT using results given from an API can actually help.

The private devRant APIs give you offsets in text of where links are in comments and in rants.

It’s EXTREMELY inaccurate and I don’t understand why it’s so hard to write it so it’s accurate 100% of the time.

So I said fuck it and NOT use the given offsets and just hard-find using the built-in algorithms inside Swift to create the range for me. Results? It works 100% of the time. No crashes, no out-of-range errors, no nothing.

Just been watching some police soap on YT with "real police officers in action". Haha, yeah.

Huh, what's that outside, flashing blue light? Oh, a police car. No, two. Three. Actually, four. All of the guys rush into the neighbour house, WTF. Real police officers in action.

RANT
JetBrains should be renamed in “Shit for brains”.

Actually no. Even the dump I take in the morning has more intelligence than ANY product of that “company”.

What a fucking waste of time…

!rant
when you find 3 spelling errors in the same line of code and realize that these are legit 'cause the objects and methods are actually coded misspelled.

That's when no one dare doing code review but simply it builds and its fine.

Luckily #NotMyCode

Why is there such a huge disconnect between the way people talk about work on LinkedIn and what it actually entails? All jobs come down to selling your time to stave off homelessness and hunger, and they all pretend there is something enjoyable in it, even for the lowest paid people. Salaries no longer buy us housing anyway. There is no point in any of this anymore apart from pure survival. Why do these idiots pretend their job is somehow different? It's not.

So at my work no one ever like talks to me, so today someone was talking to me and I had to look behind me twice to realise that someone was actually talking to me. Such fun.

When you picked your next laptop on the internet but you still go to the local store to see how it looks and feels in real life and the store girl approaches and asks you if she can help with something? You respond: No, thank you. But what you actually mean: No you can't help me, you drone. I could program an app in half a day that would be more useful and helpful than you.

I actually have a quite good social life..
I keep at least 2 nights per week to spend time with my friends and drink!
The only issue is that no one of them are in tech. But yeah, as said in a previous rant, i'd like to have dev friends, mentor..

Oh no it's happening to me too... Gave up so many hobbies/interests to focus on my career. Now I have almost no interest in side projects because I don't know what to build. (I mean something actually useful not a to-do list.) I love my job, but is this the path to burnout?

Not actually solving the problem in an error and instead implementing a workaround thinking "no one's going to read this code anyway" when I'm actually just condemning my future self to a lot of hell.

So I actually prefer npm to most other package managers (with the exception of go's package handling).
Like you need to look no further than to pip's hell of package management, to start appreciating how clean npm is.
***Shots fired***

Been a really long time since I posted on here. Sucks when you get stuck in a lab that bans cellphones.

BUT I got a new job now. No classified stuff. I can actually talk about what I do specifically now!!! And after a week I can almost maybe do my job one day.

Okay but whys no one talking about w3js? Its not a complete overhaul of the entire frontend shit, it doesnt introduce fucked up concepts, it literally just abstracts away those 10 functions everyone creates a function for in the first 2 minutes either way, its actually useful.

Microsoft Teams logic when using it from Chrome on Linux:

Wanna have a team call with multiple people? Sure no problem, proceed.

Wanna have a direct call with one person? Hell no, we don't do that here!

Also lets just ignore the fact that you are actually running Google Chrome, you should really try out Windows and Edge.

No one seems to realize that C was actually based on another language called B.

OMG... I want to thank my mother for changing my diapers for many years, my brother for all the games he no longer plays, my wife for actually making money, my plant for the awesome smell, God for maybe doing something (I guess), thanks @dfox, @trogus, and each one of you guys that deemed my rants worthy of your ++.

Integrating Google recaptcha into my web service. For some reason it always errors, both on a production and development environment, correct domains configured, and with he simplest setup. I'm fucking lost, documentation assumes it actually works. Similar errors on stack overflow and Google groups either got no answers or have obvious issues.

Fuck this man

Two friends of mine (one of which actually introduced me to devRant) refuse to post on here.

...there's no need to explain that I want them to enjoy devRant (at it's full potential) with me but they don't see a point in writing.

Would you be so kind and give them some motivation/reasons in the comments? What's the point of dev-ranting?

!dev?

It's getting cold now over here and all I want to do is sleep... I have no motivation to do anything useful (dev, useful reading) either, just binge watch TV...

So wondering how do you actually get shit done (stuff you should do but don't have to do)? Maybe it's the food related as well?

No rant today. I'm actually really happy where I am. There are things that can be improved from a stack perspective, but I'm happy to have a good supervisor who's supportive of my training.

two things people think they are good at, but actually have no clue about:

regex and sex

[I just needed an excuse to write a post about those two, since they sound really nice to each other :D ]

I make code that lets the blocks enter an inactive state so that they stop ticking after they are no longer able to spread to any nearby blocks.

Obviously something in this either broke, and the blocks never turn inactive. NEVER.

This actually has some dire consequences, including, but not limited to, this:

My old boss who somehow has gotten his small team of 4 PHP development contracts with Vodafone and Tesco etc. No QA, no tests, no frameworks allowed.

Sets random deadlines and used to suddenly drop demos on me for projects I'd just started and he had no idea of the state of them. Needless to say one project I was so rushed with no idea what I was actually making (for real) that I got sacked.

I'm actually getting so fucked off with having to travel to work to the point that I an on the brink of rage quitting and only taking something where it is agreed to and understood about me working from home, no questions asked!

Started my summer internship at a company working on their codebase about two weeks ago. I expected a lot of differences from school, but not this much. I still have no clue what I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting stuff done, and it's helping out, but I still have no idea what is going on.

Oh, also, we use outdated Javascript frameworks... I don't actually know Javascript yet but we're just gonna roll with it

How do you deal with a cocky coworker? Someone who is actually fairly smart, but those odd times they are wrong they brush it off like it’s no big deal. They think their ideas and code are a godsend but in reality they are just as proficient as most other developers here.

What is windows actually looking for when it's "looking for a solution", it's like a kid trying their hardest to spell a word. There's a chance it'll work, but realistically there is no hope.

Do you have 1000000000 node_modules folders and no space on your machine? This command will help. Just NPM install in the folders you actually use:

rm -r **/node_modules

I have no experiences with dev teachers because I simply didn't finished high school yet..
But next year you will meet a lot of ranting about teachers (Please not actually😂)

Best feeling I've felt all week: Even though I don't have time today to install it, I got Wi-Fi on the minimal install ISO of Gentoo to work with almost no configuration. My shitty ass dongles actually work???

!rant
When applying for a new job, how do you tell the difference between somewhere that is really old fashioned but wants someone come in and make improvements to processes and coding standards... And somewhere that pretends to want those things, but actually has no intention of letting anyone make those changes?

I hope I'm doing it wrong and there is actually a way to tell who the sender is, like an Id? But fuck no Apple finds it using tags with numbers a fucking genius idea!

Again, I hope I'm wrong and we can actually do something like: sender.id = txtName.id ...

I'm not sure which is worse: games that display the "unsaved changes will be lost" warning immediately after you saved, or games that display the warning and there's no obvious way to actually save your game.

Bonus points when there really is a manual save process and you lose all your progress because you thought it auto saved.

Why is everyone addicted to monthly salary these days? No one seems interested in how money is actually made and managed (e.g. by the company they work for).
It's as if people just don't want to be rich.

In this project we're working on, there are so many abbreviations for so many things.

+ "Hey, can you help me test XXX through YYY API?"
- "Sure. But may i ask, what do XXX and YYY actually stand for?"
+ "Well, no one knows"

So people can work on something for months without really knowing the name of what they're working on. Good to know.

!dev

I wanted to buy some lightning deals on Amazon today but the total was like $23.50 and free shipping requires $25.

I bought a few $25+ items last few weeks so I figure they should be able to waive it...

Chat with CS and they're like no we can't.

WELL FCK U!!!!! I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN PRIME FOR 2YRS AND JUST ENDED A FEW MONTHS AGO... AND IMMEDIATELY THEY'RE LIKE, WE DON'T KNOW U...

(The person actually started out saying thanks for being a Prime member)

Not that it'll matter to them... But just needed to rant...

I just copied the exact same code from another program into mine, actually left out a loop because I didn't need it. Also took some other stuff out, nothing much, just some var = othervar that I didn't need.

The other program, from where I copied the code, works fine, is fast, I see no issue, has been in production for a while now and no complaints. Mine, WITH THE SAME CODE, doesn't move. I don't understand how this is possible.

Apparently there is still moderation on here, yesterday someone got doxxed (pls no extra info in the comments) and the guy actually got banned. Thanks @dfox

So, I decided last week to give VIM and Emacs a try, for no other reason than I can.

I found emacs a bit clunky, but VIM is actually starting to grow on me.

Can anyone recommend some good sites where I can learn about configuring vim, nothing major, but setting different indents for different languages would be handy.

1. Reduce the number of web development technologies so that I can actually keep up.

2. Master Android development.

3. No more "Please hack a Facebook account for me".

//not quite a rant?

I actually like my manager. They're pretty awesome... All things considered...

But they have absolutely no idea what I do...

2 days (actually about 4 hours) of battling a stupid CSS grid arrange that wouldn't behave.
Turns out 1fr (aka fill parent) works unless the child is another grid. In that case it forgets and just stretches the freaking parent as if there was no rule whatsoever.
If you have problems with CSS grids, consider trying flattening the markup...

Hire the best talent you could find. Then give them little to no time to actually implement the extra layer of their expertise. Profit! Wait a minute....

I want to be able to learn how to program as of now but there's no good courses online that I can actually interact with and my programming elective starts next semester in school. So unless one of you Devs can give a good suggestion, I'm basically sitting here playing with the commands I do know in my Linux terminal.

That LOL feeling when incompetent backend wants you to fix their bug on the frontend!

How about NO!?

And why tf I know more about how backend works on this system than devs that are actually working on it???

What do you do when people(parents) are telling you to go out and tells you you have no life..just because you spend too much time on the computer..and you are actually spending the time learning stuff techniques and technologies which would help you in the future..it just sucks..it kinda looses your morale in a way...

I’m not suicidal. But It’s scary how much I envy people I know who recently died. They have zero problems. No need to look for a job, like I have to right now. No sense of fear or anxiety about screwing up relationships. No worry about health or wealth or any of that. Just done. Like I said, I’m not suicidal. Too scared to hurt myself and too afraid that on the other side I would regret it (yes, i happen to actually know it’s not just blackness and non-existence). But if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I wouldn’t complain.

When you have a great website idea but have no motivation to actually build it

I don't know if on the outside it seems like I know my shit and I know what I'm doing or not, but on the inside, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I'm just going with my gut and hoping for the best and I don't know if people are actually falling for that or not.

client asks me to setup a form that emails on their site... no problem. didnt know what they actually wanted was for me to set up an email server.... im a terrible terrible sys-admin. no one should hire me for that kind of work.

Is there a name for the phenomenon whereby you iteratively modify code to try to fix a bug, with no apparent result, and then realize it's an entirely different part of the code causing the issue, but the parts you were modifying actually did need modifying too?

You know what makes no sense and sucks?
I call it "metamedia" (whatever dafuq the genre is actually called).

I mean these books/podcasts/movies about how someone did something. Actually more or less it's just a biography of some dude who did something somewhen, called "The <name of dude> principle". And most of them could be just a really long interview in some newspaper. But there is no money in newspapers, right? Better publish it as book and all the other platforms/things used for enjoyment before this storm of biographies started.

Audible is full of these and I do enjoy informing myself about the success of some Elon Musk but at some point its fucken enough.:D

Over the course of a few months I have concluded that the newly hired _experienced_ developer is… not so experienced. In fact, it is very unclear what he/she actually brings to the table at all.

How this individual actually got hired is proof that middle management has no clue of what they are doing. And it is poison to the organization. Bad management (middle/semi-upper in this case) is such a waste. More so than the newly hired incompetent developer. I am beginning to think she/he actually lied during the interviews. And I am not alone in my suspicions.

My coworkers are great; they actually manage to solve problems in really unexpected ways.

Problem: documentation is not up-to-date with latest changes.
My fix: update it, make sure it has all the latest modifications.
Their fix: if there's no documentation, they can't complain about it...