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-
Tv hacker: I'll write code to hack their security cameras
2 seconds later
Tv hacker: I'm in
Me: go fuck yourself you fucking fuck34 -
That's the exact question that came to me 2 years back when I was also going to go to sleep early tonight
14 -
Me: *accidentally opens DevTools*
1.269427 milliseconds later...
Person: TEACHER! He’s HACKING INTO GOOGLE DRIVE!!!
Teacher: *glances at computer* Oh my gosh! That is ILLEGAL! Go to the office immediately.
I reluctantly headed to the office and calmly explained what happened. Luckily, some people have a bit of common sense and let me go.22 -
Me (6yo): Whatcha doing?
Dad: Programming.
Me: ???
Dad: If I type this on the screen and hit this key *color appeared on screen*
Me: *eyes go wide... Dad is magician*
And here I am nearly 30 years later still learning.3 -
Me: "can we go to the cinema this weekend?"
gf: "uhm, maybe if blablabla..."
Me: "boolean!"
gf: "true"
...9 -
Me: I'm done working for today, let's pack up and go home !
Windows: :)
Me: You better fucking not-
Windows: Installing update 1 of 893...11 -
!rant
Me to my bf: You smell. Go shower.
Him: I don't feel like it...
Me: Sudo go shower.
Him: Goddamn it Rudi..
*wait for it*
*He showers*
Me: *evil chuckle* I gotta post this to devRant14 -
Client: is it possible to make my computer unhackable, untraceable, and make it to were it can never get viruses?
Me: yes!
Client: How?
Me: Just don't go on the internet.16 -
me: im tired of coding here
boss: then go home and code there
me: GREAT SEE U TOMORROW
boss: okay, tomorrow bring a pillow, slippers and food so you'll feel more comfy coding!11 -
Client: I want to go to the moon!
Me: Sure thing! I will build you a rocket.
Client: But I want you to build me a car.
Me: A car can not take you to the moon.
Client: Build me a car.
Me: OK.12 -
Interviewer told me to go to the window and jump.
I jumped in front of the window and came back on my seat6 -
This made my day.
This really makes me wanna go back on Twitter just to follow the guy who posted it.
3 -
Customers who start to talk to me over the phone like I'm a little boy can seriously go fuck themselves.
You expect me to talk to you respectfully, then do the fucking same.
Fucking cunts.35 -
Me trying to find a good risotto recipe.
Sister-in-law, PhD: What about pumpkin or courgette and salmon?
Me: ...
SIL: ...
Me: Could you add some parentheses?
SIL: (Pumpkin) or (courgette and salmon)?
Me: Much clearer, thanks! Go for courgette and salmon.6 -
PM: I want a status report
ME: Here you go (sending email)
PM: I want more status (!?)
ME: Ok (adding some random bullshit)
PM: Perfect, thank you!2 -
relationship with dev perks (just happened):
GF : *bad mood* i'm hungry
Me : Let's go get some food ! *trying to cheer her up*
GF : No.
Me : Ok, whatever you say.
GF : Do you really wa--
Me : Whaat? you said "No"?
GF : Don't you see abstraction in my face?
Me : so what ? you want me to Implement it?
GF : NO. PUT IT IN YOUR GODDAMN MAIN FUNCTION.
Me : ok let's go *still don't understand what she meant*
GF : Good Job.68 -
Another day at CS Class :
Friend : " Lol! Is that Linux? "
Me : " Yeah why? "
Friend : " That shit sucks man, go use Windows! "
Me : *im going to kill you face expression*12 -
Client: "I need an Android app that does ______"
Me: "Ok, I'll start right away!"
Client: "Oh, and one more thing: I want it developed in eclipse"
Me: "Go away"10 -
Me: Mom, I'm learning a new programming language
Mom: How is it called
Me: go
Mom: do u like it?
Me: yes, it's pretty
Mom: do u like it more than linux?
41 -
Wife: commit, and come to bed..
Me:
> git commit -m "wife wants me to go to bed"
> git push origin master -f16 -
me: Better check my phone for texts from friends
me: *checks phone*
me: Better get some friends
* Few seconds later *
me: Better go back to terminal2 -
I have my doubts of being a good developer when my fingers type this thing
Just checking if a string contains itself
10 -
Coworker: You've merged the wrong PR. It is broken.
Me: is it marked as broken? Is there a mail marking it as broken?
Coworker: yes. I wrote something in the chat.
Me: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
I do NOT read and click every brain fart from the chat. I had the PR (as reviewer and dependent developer) open on my desk and waited for the coworker to fix his merge conflicts.
OK then, try to revert. Git reset hard. Push -f. Policy does not allow master modification. 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Fuck this company. Fuck the policies. Fuck them all with a chainsaw. Forced me to work 2 weeks more. 17.04 should have been my last day at this circus. Let 3 other guys go to vacation while I have fix their management's mistakes. Fuck. You. All. Eat shit and suffocate in piss.8 -
Me: Can you go to that page and see if the issue is fixed?
Colleague: if I go there it breaks things
Me: yes, it should be fixed now, can you please check it to make sure?
Colleague: but if I go there it will break things
Me: Can you just go to the page
Colleague: it broke something
Me: what did it break?
Colleague: I don't know
Me: ...then how do you know it's broken
Colleague: because the gallery doesn't work
Me: WELL THEN THATS WHAT'S FUCKING BROKEN THEN ISN'T IT14 -
Me 2 months ago: "Im sick of this winter as soon as its sunny im gonna go outside and ride my bike."
Me today: "Meh"
13 -
Story time!
My exboyfriend used to code in php 5. It’s his favourite programming language, and I hardly teached him how to code in Python.
One day, I said to him: Hey schatz, let’s go to the sex shop ...
He: Oh yeah 😏
Me: ... and buy an elephant thong 😁
He: What?!
Me: Yes, a blue elephant thong for Php
Me laughed
Me: So?
He: No way!
Me: Please!!!!!
He: Ok. I’m working at a cultural events web page. When I got my first client, we’ll go to the sex shop and buy the “php thong”.
Well... I broke up with him before we could go to the sex shop 💔😂😭( for another reasons, not for the php thong, obviously)
Do you have any funny story like this?
28 -
Woman: IF you could make all the people in this forum brawl, I would go with you tonight.
Man: (Type) PHP is the best language all over the world!
The whole forum goes into brawl...
Women: You got me. I shall go with you. Do whatever you want. Let's go.
Man: Hold! Not today! I must convince them all!
7 -
Me: "sorry boss I have a burnout, I don't feel to..."
Boss: "which part of the project you can't do?"
Me: "is a burnout, I can't go..."
Boss: "cmon it's easy!"
Me: "..."
8 months without proper holidays produce this.10 -
Passed the online test.
Passed the technical interview.
Need to pass the final interview.
I'm applying to this company as a JS developer (backend). Their engineers are amazing and the fucking have 99.94% coverage on their test suiteeee; that gave me a code-boner.
If I get this job I'll finally say good bye to fucking PHPShit and Zend Framefuck and all this hacked bootstrap and 15k LoC "core.css/js"
I CAN DO IT10 -
Me: I probably won't program today.
*go to my room lay on my bed and look at my phone *
Mhm.. *get an idea and go to my computer and begin to program*
Me: okay I'll just program for a bit.. I won't spend all day here.
*23 hours later*
Shit .. I need to sleep Dx4 -
Me in the digital circuits class: "Bro I just got a pick up line in mind!"
Friend: "Go on.."
Me: "Girl, are you a boolean signal 1? 'Cause you turn me on 😏"
Friend: "I can't believe I'm your friend."6 -
Argh!
Me: "Are these Os or 0s? In this shit font they look totally the same!"
Me tries to gess if they look more like circles or eggs.
Me remembers that there are no Os in hex numbers.
Me: "Stupid me! Better go to bed now..."2 -
Absolutely hate it when a random website wants to show me notifications via Google chrome. Go F yourself.2
-
Me annoying our dev:
Me: “Is your npm watch running?”
Him: “Yes!”
Me: “You better go catch it then... 🤣”
Him: “....”
I think we gatta let him go :(5 -
Mom: Go outside a play.
Me: One I finish a couple more lines..
Mom: Get your #ss of the damn computer and go outside! BTW, I'm a 11 year old coder/programmer if you were wondering..13 -
During a random meeting for a project:
PM: We'll need you to learn Go for this project. It says you know python in your job skills, so it should be easy.
Me: Uh, hiiii. I'm in security, not development. Can't help you, I really shouldn't even be here.
PM: I think Go has security built-in, does that help?
Me: ... I don't know, you need a developer.
PM: Do you know any Go people?
Me: I think that's something you should know.
- Silence enters the room -
PM: Yes perhaps, but you don't know anyone?
Fucking wat?8 -
Me: *on the phone with client* "Ok, now reboot the cashier terminal"
Client: *reboots server causing whole system to go down*
Me: *internal screams*4 -
I believe that sometimes my IDE should tell me : FuckingRetardException : Man, wtf are you doing. Go fuck yourself
😂😂😂1 -
Distraction..........hmmm..........What is that?..........I'm sure I've heard that somewhere..........well..........Let me Google it!
And here we go again..........3 -
Me in 2018 : I'll code xLearno.com all on my own!
.
.
.
Me in 2019 : xLearno.com is a team of 5 🎉
.
.
.
Just a quick lesson that I learned in my entrepreneurship career, "You want to go fast, go alone! You want to go far, go together 😍"41 -
Me: “I’ve done Kubernetes before what could possibly go wro-“
(cni0 breaks IPv4 routing serverside by containerd)
Me:
1 -
Group projects in computer science usually go like this for me:
Me: Want to be in a Group?
Group member: sure
Me: okay, we can discuss the project and start coding some stuff tomorrow
Group member: I don't have a laptop, won't get one till two weeks
Me: -_-
Also me: fuck off -
*me at the morning
- 08:30 Ah, let me sleep juuust more 5 minutes, I even don't need alarm *turn alarm off"
*blink
- nah, I should go
- 10:45 what the...1 -
Me:-Will you be my valentine??? ;)
Girl:- No way....👹
Me:- sudo will you be my valentine 😎
Girl:- yes...yes..yes lets go❤️😍11 -
My study's logic every fucking time: (I'm a senior by the way)
Junior: Sir, could you help me out for a minute?
Teacher: I'm busy right now, please fill out the support request form and go ask one of the seniors (yeah, not even kidding)
Junior: Alright, hey dude, could you help me out maybe?
Me: yeah of course, just get your laptop and go sit here next to me!
Other Teacher: Hey you, leave the seniors alone, they've got their own work!
2 -
Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.
Me: ok
Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.
Go back to boss.
Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.
Boss: ok.
Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.
Look like gold.3 -
Boss : Can you please make a page where I can add a magazine cover image, summary and source urls.
Me : Sure.
..
..
..
Me : here you go.
Boss : How do I upload multiple images in this page ?1 -
Sister: *walks up to me at my desk* Hey, I was wondering if you can undo what you did to the internet and put it back and make it work better in my room and also make it faster
Me: Sure
Yeah, I’ll get right on it and go hit the fucking magic button in the router settings called “enable extended range and make it go faster”.1 -
Seeing this new icon makes me want to go back to 2008 with the shopping bag icon. Those were better days.
11 -
Me: Alright, lets hammer out some Udemy courses...
*Opens course*
Instructer: So we are going to go ahead and download Code::Blocks
Me: *Audible sigh*10 -
Goddamn SortOfTested be joking about me needing seroquel and here we go, my psychiatrist prescribed me seroquel today.28
-
me: "Why is the QA guy manually typing JSON into a production environment?"
asshole: "That's not your responsibility."
me: "Why didn't you just migrate data? This is dangerous."
asshole: "You need to go sit down."1 -
Client: "Help, something is wrong with the sever or database.. I don't know.. I.. just.." Me: "Sshh... here u go"
1 -
New client: can we go live next month?
Me: do you think you are our only client, or do you want to pay an extra priority fee?
New client: what?
Me: what?
*Crickets"4 -
Me: *opens FB in mobile web browser*
FB: You there! Go ans get our great Facebook Lite app! It is faster and...
Me: Nope! *clicks X to dismiss*
FB: Nope! *a wild code appeared*
10 -
Decided to go through my LinkedIn connections and disconnect from people I don’t know who don’t go to the same coding academy (we’re a pretty tight-knit bunch).
Went from 905 connections to 276.
Husband: “Please tell me you kept recruiters.”
“.... oops?”5 -
Boss: We have a company doing deep learning coming by. Go learn about it so we can understand what their talking about.
Me: Ok.
Me 6 hours later: ...help.5 -
Im gunna get a lot of flak for this but just hear me out:
People keep asking me what it's like working in a male dominated industry. They have conferences for women in tech empowerment and I get forced to go to them because I'm the only female in the office.
The thing is. I don't feel oppressed. I get that we "need" more women in tech but from my experience and from talking to various women at my old university, the reason women are avoiding the tech industry isn't because it's male dominated and they feel out of place. It's because a) it doesn't interest them or b) they never thought of it as an option (like myself).
Computer programming should be in grade schools and highschool's just like math and science to help educated not only women but people in general that it's an option. That's what's going to help more women get in the tech industry. Not these bullshit conferences and women's rights in tech movements, and hiring women over men (even if she's worse than him in skill level) just because she's a woman.
Frankly I think it's downright shameful that companies that are male dominated feel the need to hire women over men just because of gender. If I'm applying somewhere and there's a better male candidate, hire him! I'd much rather your company have a good team then a "balanced" team. Great tech teams are what will bring along new and better technologies, not balanced ones.
Keep in mind I'm talking about Western Civilization here, I get that a lot of countries are still struggling with the balance of women's rights at all but this is Canada.
I also get that there are probably some women who want to join tech but won't because it's too male dominated but frankly that's a shit poor excuse. If you really wanted to join tech then being surrounded by make co-workers wouldn't deter you from living your life the way you want to. If you feel so uncomfortable around men that you won't go into an industry you love because it's male dominated then I'm sorry for you and you should probably see a councillor to get that worked out.
I feel more oppressed by having to put aside my programming and being forced to go to these conferences than I do in the every day workplace. My boss is literally more offended that I don't feel offended about being a woman "minority". He spent a week pestering me about how I would feel about this, that and the other thing if it happened to me.
I'm not saying nobody ever says anything even remotely sexist to me but frankly I could give two shits- I'm here. I'm coding. I'm good at what I do and I'm comfortable enough with myself that I can just blow off the comment (which probably wasn't even meant to offend me) and continue working. But you're going to get that wherever you go, this isn't a flaw of the tech industry. This is a flaw of the world and it goes both ways (men get flak too).26 -
Me: can you add x to y?
Dev: sure mate, done tomorrow
Me: kay thx
Next day:
Dev: ok I added x to z! There you go
Me: infinite facepalm4 -
Girl: What major are you studying?
Me: Computer Science.
Girl: Cool. Can you hack my boyfriend's Facebook, I think he's cheating on me.
Me: Go to hell. 😡4 -
Me(To a tree): Hey tree, You have leaves but you can't go anywhere. I can go anywhere but I don't have any leaves.4
-
Wow, I'm going to have a hard time remembering this one.
IT have changed after so many years the password criteria for our machines, to the point it's a bit ridiculous.
Like I'm all for securing your accounts and using random passwords but, this is rough.
Minimum of 14 chars
Not the past 6 passwords
Must contain several %}*]=[^{
Must contains numbers
Must contain upper case letters
Must contain Lower case letters
Must not end in a number
Must sacrifice a virgin on every login
Must be changed every 30 days22 -
devrant made me realise there are people out there that go through the same daily shit I do.
Thank-you devrant -
bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! To deep in code zone.
[20 mins pass]
bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! Let me finish this.
[30 mins pass]
bladder: I'VE GOT TO PEE
me: NO! In a zone.
[5 mins pass]
bladder: GO! GO! GO!
me: D**n you bladder.
I hate this game. I lose every time.7 -
* Open browser, type 'dev' to go to developper.apple . com
* First suggestion on the browser: devrant.com
Me: Well, that's ok too..
* Press Enter,
*reeding some rants.. -
My Friend: putt all the code into one huge file
Me: hey, there is an issue
Friend: go fix it by yourself
Me: Where is it
Friend: Don't know
There weren't even comments 😡2 -
I hate it when my manager lurks around when i am debugging and keeps giving random unsolicited advices. I spend more time explaining him why what he is saying does not make any sense than debugging.3
-
Me when I fuck up my sleep schedule badly by turning my life into a coding sprint and then trying to go normal
-
This kind of message doesn't let me sleep, I go to bed with the fear to be hacked for hadn't updated
2 -
I had to let go of the two people working under me today because somebody fucked up the budget. That sucked.12
-
>Gets job to optimize some code
>Me:"What could go wrong?"
>Code is commented in Arab
"All around me are familiar faces..."5 -
Some days you write your code and it all goes well.
All your tests pass, you write clean code, you solve your problems nicely.
Other days everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
...the latter was the case for me today.4 -
School taught me how to read,
Python taught me how to think,
JavaScript taught me how to work,
Go taught me how to act.10 -
Me: *Gives second round in an interview, didn’t go as expected, waits for the result (at this moment we can’t go further with your profile kinda result)*
HR: *calls after 2 weeks* Hi, hope you’re doing good, your last round was declared CNS (Candidate no show)
Me: was it this bad, that the guy interviewing me simply wiped off my existence?
HR: let me figure out something. *Calls back after 5 mins* since it was a no show, we’ve decided to not go with your profile further.
Me: 🥲 it didn’t have to be this brutal of a rejection6 -
Drawing html5 canvas made me go to bathroom to look at the wall tiles and assumed it was a coordinate axis1
-
Still wondering when I'll have a laptop good enough to run Android Studio with ease.
The lag makes me go ughhh6 -
!rant
A few days ago I had an interview, they asked me if I knew Angular. I told them I never used it, and they told me to give it a go anyway. I made what they asked me to do in 8 hours and submitted it for review. Today they called and said they liked it, and asked me to go there tomorrow to talk terms.
Well, tomorrow could be my first day as an Angular developer!3 -
Someone to me: "Can you optimize this website for Page Speed Insight"
Me: "But it's a fucking Wordpress,.. Go home."5 -
Decided to delete devRant and reddit for a few months. Now I'm back, and the first thing that greets me on both is Light Mode 🤢
Thank God that I haven't cancelled my devRant subscription. Once you go black you never go back! 😏3 -
In highschool an advisor told me not to go into computer science because "they do all that work in China now"2
-
Me: *presenting a demo of tool in office presentation*
Meanwhile an audience is browsing Facebook on his phone...
Me: *Finish demo*
*Said member of audience calmly places his phone on the table.*
Douche: "So can you go over that once more?"
Me: ...3 -
I have a bit strange personal rule - If I encounter something more than three times during 3hrs period, I certainly must learn as much as possible about it. Last night I've stumbled upon few listings in Go language.
So, starting this morning, decided to learn Go. So far, so good.
P.S. Is it just me or Go really does have strong C/C++ vibe (but is, indeed, higher level language)? Old guy like me, must like that.12 -
Me; Develops website. Website is done.
Client; we want an english version as well!
Me; implements english version.
Client; we want to go live but without the english version for now
*Fkc gmfbl gdddmn*4 -
Me: “here’s a demo of the backend functionality you requested. We’ve got more work to do to make this production ready. Let me know your thoughts or if we need to make any changes, otherwise I’ll hand this off to the UX team, we’ll be ready to go live next month after other they deliver the front end”
PM: *telling stakeholders* “The new thing is done and ready for go live”
Me: *privately to PM* “who told you that the thing was ready for go live?”
PM: “You did”
Me: “I suggest you go read what I wrote a little more closely”5 -
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!rant
Now go and count them and tell me if this is a rant or not!5 -
it's so fucking hot in here and I've got no work and still 3 hours left to go...just let me go hooome!5
-
me: Have you heard of Murphy's law?
them: Yeah.
me: What is it?
them: If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
me: Right, have you heard of Cole's law?
them: No, what is it?10 -
Me every time I create a new Meteor project:
- Go to localhost:3000
- Click the "Click Me" button hundreds of times
- Start the goddam development
3 -
User: "My computer is broken!"
Me: "What seems to be the problem?"
User: "I can't go to any websites."
Me: "It appears our connection to the internet is down."
User: "No it's not, look" *points to Wi-Fi status*
Me:
3 -
Colleagues improvising themselves "Evangelists of everything" but continuously asking me how to do things.
Now you can go ask there.
1 -
Me working in High Performance Computing :
CPU/GPU in full throttle ... go brrrr...
Me working on an app:
Should put sleep() in the while loop so as not to overwork the CPU
😑😑2 -
I may love apt but fuck me, the amount of times I've gotten told that the process is currently locked is making me go bat shit crazy -,-8
-
Share your favorite songs with me, I need to expand my music library!
Currently listening to “Where Did it Go” - Asking Alexandria12 -
Omg, delegation to others feels like the last, most difficult skill to master. Letting go can be so hard.
Patience, me. Patience.3 -
*joins devrant.
*builds an awesome avarter to his taste.
me: Haha, you sexy beast! Now go out there and torment the world.4 -
> Be me
> Wake up
> Have no motivation
> Lay still for a long time
> Go pee
> Go get food
> Up so might as well get ready for school/college
> Go to college
> Chill with the usual peeps
> Maybe get food
> Have a little more motivation because of food and peeps
> Go home
> Do hw if any
> CS:GO with usual peeps
> Clean myself
> aurman -Syu --noconfirm && shutdown now
> Go sleep1 -
Mom: What are you doing ??
Me: Just fixing up a few bugs I encountered yesterday..
Mom: Good .. That means you are doing nothing .. Go fill up the damn water bottles ..
Me: -_- !4 -
I just took over a new project from a brand new client today. It's an Android app that he said needed some updates and refactoring, and he said it wasn't well documented but he would add some comments for me before giving me the code. He gave me access to the code today and one class in it is over 1200 lines long with exactly 4 methods in it... the shortest method is still over 200 lines long. There is one comment at the very top:
// Needs refactored.
... gee thanks.2 -
Me: I hate Windows/PHP/Gradle builds/etc
Other devRanters: Did we just became friends?
Me: friends is undefined. Please go to StackOverflow for undefined error.
*I'm still socially awkward* -
What is this "recruiters called me after yhey found my LinkedIn" thing? Are you telling me there is a world where I don't have to go from door to door to find a job?9
-
Seems like Bitbucket's pushes go through like this...
Took me a while to figure out what it was.
Initially I thought Google had acquired BitBucket's, then it hit me...
4 -
Co-worker: I'm so tired of working on Wordpress sites! I didn't go to school just to do this all day!
Me: well you can help me with this Magento site...
Co-worker: ...3 -
BOSS: We need to renew ourself.
ME: What do you think to implement a video game department?
BOSS: Go immediately in the server room
-
Go to GitHub. Check trending repos or your favourite repos and go through others code.
For me it's worked most of the times. 🙌 -
/**
* // sad truth to everyone focusing only on age++ part :) IN YOUR FACES!
*/
public void birthday() {
age++;
ttl--;
}2 -
Me: figuring out APT-69420 (hacker group) representative is a girl.
Also me: Woohoo! You go girl!
Also me: ... Wait, am I being sexist?
😐 idek anymore...
Anyways, them camera footages they released tho...17 -
It's like nails on a chalkboard:
Meeting #3 about "Thing doesn't update."
Where nobody has shown it not to update yet.
(⓪益⓪) -
fucking kidding me? go to google or facebook's offical documentation, they are carfted perfectly not to work4
-
Coming back home to find out that my parents switched to optical fiber and can download with 50MB/s WiFi speeds makes me feel sad to go back to my 15MB/s campus speed. Even more when I go to Germany.1
-
Bouldering helps me get my mind free. Since I go climbing once a week I recognize how stressed I am when I miss it.4
-
Pokemon go is down so I'm coming crawling back... can I come back to devrant? please accept me (until the servers are back)3
-
Set all my editors to autosave when they loose focus ~
Makes me go nuts when working on other machines :/3 -
Take me into the organization as a dev
tell me that I'm supposed to bring ideas and tell you how to improve and what's required
I do that
You ignore me
You expect ultra performance and good profits
GO FUCK YOURSELF7 -
I am on Leave since 23rd Dec and I need to go to work on 2nd. Let's hope bugs are not waiting for me4
-
Me: Open Jira. See 8 point story skip QA column and move into Done.
Ask dev why it didn’t go through QA.
Teammate: Oh, did they want to test this?
Commence argument that **all** stories need to go through QA. -
Today’s text chat:
Me walking near the river in the middle of nowhere with a cellphone.
frontend developer:
- I need image from test server. Can you provide me that image ? I need it for my local environment to fix something ( writes details of how to get an image ).
me:
- Can’t you go to test server website and get it by yourself ?
frontend developer:
- But this image is on canvas element.
me:
- Because frontend is drawing in on canvas so go to network tab and get the url.
frontend developer:
- Ah yes I can do that
I have such small talks all the fucking time. They accumulate when I go out to chill during the day.1 -
> be me
> straight dude, 7/10
> discover devRant
> there’s that one girl with damn sexy thighs
> decide to ask her out
> she gives me her telegram
> she’s taken but has free relationship
> feelsgoodman.png
> she agrees to go on a date
> met her
> we have a little chitchat about CSS and decide to find a room
> gonna go balls deep bro
> pull her leggings down
> …
12 -
There is a place where all rants exist. It's the rantCloud
http://www.jsrant.com
Now go ahead and give me that ++ -
Attended VMware vForum Malaysia 2017... So sad that they have so many stuff happening concurrently, made me wish I could clone myself to go everywhere...
1 -
Who the fuck programs grandfather clock to go off after 3 in the morning ... You scared the shit out of me
-
Me, inside: "I want to go hiking! Enjoy the great outdoors!"
Me, outside: "I should start a new programming project! [mind wanders...]" -
Me: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: No way
Me: sudo will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Yes..yes..yes! Let’s go!
15 -
Let me check Slack
Just before I go to bed
Just in case — OH NO
It’s not what you think
It isn’t like I broke prod
… request makes me cringe.3 -
Me: why did I wake up so early in the morning? 🤔
Brain: to poop 💩
Me: damn it ok!
*just finished pooping*
Brain: hey your finished pooping, don't pretend! You're just browsing devRant. Go back to sleep! 😡
Me: oh come on man?
Me: *thinks (well I like devRant and sleep so I will sleep and dream about devRant 😂)*
Me: ok brain, I'll just wash then go back to sleep 🙃6 -
if err != nil {
if err.Error() == sql.ErrNoRows {
return nil, err
}
return nil, err
}
found me some choice, grade A Go code here.5 -
Friend: where did you go to college, to do something like that?
Me: oh well I went to the university of my bedroom. -
Yey I got a raise. From 55,000 to 56,500 annually. Go Junior me! Hahahaha. Not enough for California though but I’m grateful.10
-
Some people go fishing, others are into fitness, and some like to go hunting. Me? I'm running late for work 😖1
-
So I've just moved to Amsterdam from London. What prepaid/pay as you go Sim card you recommend me to get? I don't call or text much, data is more important to me3
-
Internet Explorer needs to just die and go to hell where it belongs. Doesn't even give me useful console errors-_-2
-
Can you go faster from 0 to a 100 than drake?
for(int i=0; i<=100; i++) {
Console.WriteLine(i);
}
Show me your fastest way!5 -
I don’t think anyone was nearly as happy as I was to find out Twitch’s source code got leaked and that they use GO.
Makes me glad to see Go used by another big company for a big application like twitch where performance is really important.13 -
11 pm: Me: I'm going to go to bed after I fix this bug!
3 am: *Pulling my hair out trying to fix the bug*
Me: HOW IS IT 3 AM ALREADY!1 -
C compiler : you have 27 errors and 35 warnings 😐.
Me : ok let's recompile it.🧐
C compiler : ok! You can go now🤣.4 -
Does anyone else have one person who makes them not want to go to work everyday. That person for me is my SCRUM master.
-
!dev
It sucks to see an artist you like go downhill as they become more mainstream. Makes me wish I could go back and see them before they changed so much9 -
There is no Go devDuck, and it makes me sad :(
I want my Go devDuck!
Stop the oppression of Go!
Viva la Google!4 -
Next time someone asks me to go get something that's heavy, I'll smile, go there and return with a pointer to that thing. After all, we have to practice these programming concepts in everyday life 🚶♂️🚶♂️
-
There are 43 people in our team. Every 43 of them come to salute me in the morning, fuck off, let me work. Just go ahead with your shit but leave me alone.4
-
So I was thinking about learning to write some Go code. I downloaded it and it didn't work. I struggled for hours just to get it to execute a file, but I could not get it working for packages.
Never have I stumbled upon a language that's working AGAINST me.
I gave up, Go beat me. I removed everything on my computer related to Go. Fuck Go!8 -
How often do you go for an interview? A senior once told me to go for job interviews regularly to know where you stand. WDYT of this advice?5
-
I already have two (very smart) people telling me my frameworkless JavaScript looks like Go. But I don't know Go and never wrote a line in it.2
-
Few days after a recent Hackathon, the team I'm on really wants to follow me and build stuff together because, I've built stuff before and they haven't.
How do I handle this fame of mine so that I can get them to become great developers themselves? -
My first internship was at a small startup in Belgium, we were 5 including me. Most of the time, we would all go to my boss's house for dinner and play rocket league then go back to work.
-
Save enough from my current job to give me the buffer to go solo;
and it’s a cliche, but hopefully be making games -
I finally got the time for learning Go.
Anyways I'm reading this about packages, and made me wonder, what exactly a package is in terms of Go lang?
That example extracts two functions into a new package, and that made me confused
11 -
Me : mahn, I'm not able to setup pythn bindings for vim
Friend ( who is tired of me saying about vim ): go get a life
Me: sodo apt-get life
Me: looks like the package is not available, what is the exact name?6 -
Client: $importantThing is a go live feature now.
Me: Okay, but it would considerably postpone the release date.
Client: Oh well, then maybe after release. However, do $lessImportantThing for go live, no matter how long it takes. -
See a regular not controversial rant. Has 20++, 1 comment.
Me: Scrolls by.
See a regular not controversial rant. Has 20++, 22 comments.
Me: I'm ready, lets go!!
-
Me: preparing to go to sleep.
Github: you’re now able to use code spaces beta.
Me: fuck sleep for a while and let’s give it a try
Anyone is using it ?6 -
Making an ad for web design.
Give me your puns to design something around so it isn't boring...
Go!4 -
It's kind of unbelievable to me that whenever I ask my clients to share their codebase with me, their go-to response is -
Let me zip my codebase up and share it with you on Google Drive.2 -
Anyone use Golang here for system programming? I recently learned go and it would be very helpful if someone would describe me the pitfalls in go while writing fast softwares. I am planning to write a music player for Linux in go.11
-
People : We have cache problems, nothing works !
Me looking at 2 GB cache : Well, ok here you go : (Screen)
5 -
Bluescreen?
You gotta be fucking kidding me FFS!!!
Haven’t seen one of those for years...
Were just about to push and go home😩 -
Me: B.A could we please go through this bug u raised
B.A: Sure can we do it after stand up
Me: sure (one hour away)
Me: can we go through this now
B.A: 10 mins
Total time lost waiting on this shit
3 hours
HAHAHAA fucking ridiculous5 -
at work....
windows: please restart to use newly installed tool
me: *opens menu and sees "update and restart"* NOOOoo this takes longer than usual
me: well see y'all im gonna go get some breakfast1 -
1) make Visual Studio Errors understandable
2) make Stackoverflow a less toxic place
3) grant me the power of sudo wherever I go3 -
"When I try make a change, system XYZ is not happy do you know why?"
Really? That's all you're giving me to go on? -
Me: "I got the job! I write computer programs now!"
Mom: "I'm so proud of you, -bgm-. Does that mean you can come over and take a look at my computer now? The speakers, whenever I go on Facebook, they make this popping noise--"
Me: "Gotta go, ma." -
Still frustrated at HRs confusing JavaScript with Java and give me a weird look when I say I program in Go :31
-
Parents were supportive in that they forced me to go to college, but let me do whatever I wanted while there.
Pretty sure they still don't really know what I do.1 -
Can someone-not me- make a way to go lower than the lowest brightness setting on my phone?
Thanks.
From me and my shut in photophobic eyes5 -
Manager wants to sign me up for sponsored Apigee training and certification and i wasn't sure if it's good or bad (even now)
Me: ohh, nice
Manager: let me know asap. I'll get back to you.
*Manager comes back after 2 mins*
Manager: have you decided?
Me: uhm, yeah i haven't finished looking. I'll get back to you in 30mins
*Manager comes back after an hour*
Me: does this have a bond?
Manager: no
Me: okay, I'll get back to you tom
Poll question: is it a go or no go?1 -
Slack that notifies me about github events has gone and started notifying me about EVERYTHING again.
Having said that it is amusing when I see a commit:
"FUCK THIS SHIT" go by ;)7 -
Everyone on my team now seems to to agree with everything I say about things we should do.
This sorta gives me the greenlight to go ahead and do it but makes me wonder if it's now the equivalent to "yea, yea, yea... Now go away" and they won't follow along once I've done it. -
Anyone using Psiphon?
Can someone give me an ELI5 on what it is and how to go about it?
https://psiphon.ca/6 -
Don't ask me to go to your desk or wherever you are just to tell me some bullshit you could write over chat. Specially not when I'm wearing my headphones.
-
If I ever go missing, you should put my picture on beer rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster.
-
Been picking up Go recently and am really liking the idea of using git repos as library urls, just makes so much sense to me.
Also in general go is just kinda cool and makes me like lower level programming a lot - although I had to learn the hard way with Mutexes and locking.5 -
Sooooo anyway to hide my profile name from the home screen?
Feel that eventually someone from work is going to put 2 + 2 together and check my rants out xD3 -
I have the entire week off and you suckers have to go into work Monday!
Ha!!
I'll be in Dollywood if you need me. -
I hate putting curly braces on the same line as function declarations/if statements/etc but Go forces me to do that.
I understand the reason Go does that but fuck I wanna write my code the way I feel is better to read. I just lost a lot of the excitement of learning Go...5 -
Any tips for doing well on the technical interview?
It's my first time doing a technical interview so any tips are welcome. It is for a (paid) field application engineering internship. They said it would mostly be regarding electronics10 -
"I gotta go, ttyl".
Is a text sentence that infuriates me a lot when someone texts it in a group chat, which to me sounds like the person is saying,
"Hey I've got important things to do and I've gotta go while you all can keep wasting your life away in front of this phone typing and chatting waaa waaa waaa waaa"..
Like bitch, you wanna go just go. Don't announce it thinking it makes a difference.11 -
New types of calls. Team members need some help from me, I go on call to help them out, once the issue is fixed they just keep me on the call for company while they go about doing their tasks. Dude, even I've work to finish 😑2
-
I'm kind of interested in learning a language like go or rust, etc... But I'm not sure. I'm having a hard time really "getting" what they are used for? What do you guys recommend?4
-
I just started learning how to code and am very frustrated trying to find a degree to go into. I'm interested in becoming a Web Developer but the idea of being a CEH intrigues me also. Any ideas what programs or degrees I could go for? I'm near the University of central Florida if that helps. Please give me guidance for I am lost1
-
I really wish there was a tool that make me go through an online web applications and go through the process to see how it fully work.2
-
I need a new phone ASAP. Can you give me an opinion of what phone I should buy?
Budget: not more than 1,000 NIS (about 250$), but I can go a bit higher. Just don't go crazy on the prices.10 -
Can anyone tell me how I can integrate Mongo DB with golang?
I found go-bongo, but it's not well documented.5 -
Scrolling down the rants be like:
00010010110000100010001002-
Cheep dowgs.. to bush yar two cents
Cheep....nooobody gets A++ today from me.
Then it hits me....you progs and devs..
you must go by the binary../:1 -
I go get something to eat, or walk around. After sitting for hours the movement really helps me think.
-
Little question: is it just me that does not get the notification when browsing with the browser? If I go here (https://www.devrant.io/feed/recent) I see no notifications in the top left icon (the one that opens the menu) but if I go on the app, BAM! new notifications waiting.
This has been happening only recently, is it just me?7 -
Me: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: No way
Me: sudo will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Yes..yes..yes! Let’s go!4 -
can anyone recommend me a go laptop for school? and whats your opinion on the Microsoft Surface Pro?8
-
GitHub: merge conflict in the readme document.
Me: I don’t care just skip it
GitHub: no go just use git to fix it
Me: I DONT WANT TO? CAN YOU JUST ADD SKIP IT OK11
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