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-
Girl: we need to talk
Me: OK
Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.
Me: You are the number 1 in my life.
Girl: *smiles and hugs me*
Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 029 -
Client: our app has low ratings, we fired our previous dev company and hiring you instead.
Us: all right, seems like to make a better app we need 5 months.
C: you're kidding, do it in 6 weeks.
U: Ok, but we'll have to drop some features.
C: get rid of X and Y, nobody uses them.
U: deal!
... 6 weeks later...
U: here's the new app: better graphics, easier to use, more stable and more future-proof.
C: Cool! Let's deploy!
... 2 days later...
C: we just released but the users are really pissed off!
U: what do they say?
C: "what the fuck happened with X and Y? they were the only thing we're using! what a load of crap! 1 star"
Dear client, next time get to know better your users...8 -
School time, programming class:
Girl: Hey, Can you help me?
Me: Sure, what's up?
G: I have an error but I don't know why
M: *looks at error stack trace* You're missing a semicolon in line 133 *puts comma, run... 27 more errors* Well, you have more issues up there, why don't you try to fix them?
G: Oh, Ok, thanks
-- 1 hour later --
G: Hey, can you come? I already fixed the other issues but I still have one I can't fix
M: *checks code, same mistake I fixed, missing semicolon, same line* Why did you erase the semicolon?
G: Oh, because if I erase it, I only have 1 error, but if I leave it, I have 27 so....
M: *turn around, walk away*19 -
Girl: we need to talk!
Me: Ok...
Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.
Me: You are the number 1 in my life.
Girl: *smiles and hugs me*
Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 011 -
Dev: this task is done, can I put it in review and do something else?
Me: sure, of course.
Dev: cool, just be aware I'll make some changes to it later.
Me: ... wait, then it's not done.
Dev: no it is, I just need to re-read it and make some changes.
Me: yeah, so it will be done when those changes are made.
Dev: but I don't know what those changes are.
Me: ... I get that ... but ... ok I'm extremely confused. Why do you think it's done.
Dev: because I've written everything I need to and I'm happy with it.
Me: ok so why do you want to make changes.
Dev: I don't.
Me: ... ... ... ... you ... you are really not being clear. If you don't want to make changes, and you are happy with it, why are you planning on making changes later ... after marking the task as done.
Dev: well if I re-read it and see something I don't like, I would like to change it.
Me: ok, so re-read it as many times as you like and make as many changes as you like. But don't mark it as done until it is done.
Dev: but it is done.
Me: no it's not.
Dev: it is, look.
Me: ... yeah looks ok at a quick glance.
Dev: ok so I can mark it as done?
Me: are you going to make more changes?
Dev: yes.
Me: then no.
Dev: why?
Me: BECAUSE ITS NOT DONE.
Dev: ok maybe I'm not explaining it clearly.
Me: ... we can both agree on that. Ok so to summarise, we don't mark something as done until we have stopped touching it. We don't half finish something and say it's done and comeback to it later. We mark it as done when we are happy with i.....
Dev: but I am happ.....
Me: *raises hand* I repeat, if it's done, we lock it away and stop touching it. If someone reads it and complains, we can come back to it with a new ticket. But it's not done until we think we are ready to send it on.
Dev: I am ready to send it, I just may want to change it.
Me: ... ... ... ... ... due to a new policy implemented just now, we are only allowed to send 1 email to a person each week. So unfortunately we can only send on 1 copy. So when you have that 1 copy, let me know.
Dev: ok, let me re-read it a few more times then.
Me: there you go.32 -
Conversation today...
Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"
Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."
Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."
Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"
Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"
Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."
Guy: "But you said it was easy."
Well fuck you...12 -
Apple, which dumb fuck thought this would be good? ok new mouse, no more batteries it can be charged on a wire, cool you may think, until it actually needs charging and you discover that the charging port is on the bottom, making the mouse unusable whilst charging!!!
50 -
Le monday morning after a commit on sunday evening...
PM: BLAAAH!!!! Your commit broke the site, nothing is working!!!!!!
Me: What? All of tests passed (coverage 95%), no issues were found.
PM: NOO!!!! Site is broken, we can't use it no more!!!
Me: Ok, what's the problem?
PM: I've tried to enter -10021 into this field on that page and it gived me an error.
Me: Ok? So, that single page is broken?
PM: No, whole site!!!! This is important
Me: Sure... Let me take a look
* PM tried to enter a negative value into an unsigned field that I've mutated yesterday after checking LIVE database if there was no records with negative value. Reason: we've hit an int limit and there was no chance that the value would be negative. Validation? Well, yes.... Except that page was added by him this morning without even checking everything else *
Me: Here, this is the issue, *gives explanation*
PM: Well.... You shouldn't do this. This is unacceptable. You must never leave int fields without negative values. Didn't they teach you in school that integers can be negative?!
Me: What? *consufed as hell*
PM: *More morale... blah blah blah....* Revert it back!
Me: Ok but if anything else breaks, copy of this slack conversation will be kept.
PM: Don't care! Fix it!
Me: * Reverts the fix, saves chat copy * - Done.
PM: Great.
* 5 wild minutes later *
PM: BLAAAH!!!! Site is down, service is not working, what have you done?
Me: Reverted the change needed for it to work. Todays schedule is full with other important tasks. * pastes a screenshot as a proof that he asked me to do this *
PM: FIX IT NOW! Apply your fix.
Me: You're the PM. - Done.
PM: Great, now I'll fix my code. You should be more careful next time.
Me: * YOU DENSE MATHA...KER * Sure.
How's your morning going? :)9 -
my_girlfriend: who do you like more in your life?
me: linux
my_girlfriend: What????
me: you asked who i LIKE not Who i LOVE?
my_girlfriend: ok, who do you LOVE?
me: python
i dont know why she left me, i think she was php fan18 -
Do not continue reading if you value your life.
Visual fucking studio 2015 installation. MOTHERFUCKER !!!
OK new project will only work on VS2015. Need to download it. OK, go to MS website. Project works with community edition. Fucking great. Download the installer. Run the installer. MOTHERFUCKER DON'T OPEN THE FUCKING BROWSER TO THANK ME, YOU FUCKING FUCK. Ok...Wait to download the packages. One fucking eternity later download completes. FUCKING GREAT. Proceed to package installation. After two fucking hours installation progress bar stays the same. Google "vs 2015 installation stuck windows 7". MOTHERFUCKING BACKGROUND PROCESS IS FUCKING STUCK AND INSTALLATION DOES NOT CONTINUE. FUCK YOU. I'VE LOST TWO HOURS. OK, stop the process. Installation gets cancelled. Run the installer again. STOP THANKING ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT :@ OK, check again all downloaded packages. All good. Continue with installation. Installation completes. MOTHERFUCKER WHY YOU WANT TO RESTART THE WHOLE SYSTEM ? FUCK YOUR WINDOWS UPDATES. Ok, restart and be done with it. SSD to the rescue. Try to set up the project.
MOTHERFUCKER I DIDN'T INSTALL THE C++ PACKAGES. WTF WERE YOU DOING ALL THAT TIME? OK, run installer again and install C++ packages. I SWEAR TO GOD MICROSOFT, IF YOU THANK ME ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME, YOU'RE GETTING HATE MAIL.
Ok, installation completes. It's coding time. NO BITCH. VS2015 silently crashes after splash screen. :@@@ Google wtf is wrong again, turns out the C++ packages fuck shit up. Ok, pass some arguments to devenv.exe to reset. Restart VS. Ok, seems to be working now. Make a test project. Fucking awesome. Close VS and get the project files from perforce.
OK, files downloaded. Open VS again....
VS: "You're my bitch, you won't code today. Run from console and pass some shitty reset parameters"
YOU FUCKING FUCK. GO FUCK YOURSELF UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE. Ok, pass the parameters from console. Run again. Same "you're my bitch message" :@ OK, run with administrator rights, opens like charm. Run without admin rights again, "you're my bitch message". :@@@@@
Restart system, VS2015 finally opens project normally. Build project, 6934 errors.... :@ I'M DONE ! IM GOING BACK TO LINUX PROJECT. FUCK YOU ALL.18 -
Boss: Can we add a [Close] button at the top right of the modal instead for all the items, the back at the lower left seems out of place.
Me: What modal? You mean move the back button to the top right of the page?
Boss: And make it say [Close]
Me: But it navigates Back. It's not a modal so it doesn't close. [Back] makes more sense than [Close].
Boss: Ok
...
Boss: Change the [Back] on the modal to [Close].
Me: But... fine...
Buttons all now say "Close", they all have double quotes. No one has said anything.
18 -
Manager: Does anybody having any money saving ideas?
Dev: By switching our supplier from X to Y we could save $10,000/year and they have much better customer service.
Manager: So? I’m looking more for savings opportunities in the +$100k range. That’s a small idea, I’m looking for *BIG* ideas.
Dev: Do you have any big ideas?
Manager: No, but I really really want to save big money like that. I thought you would have something worthwhile.
Dev: $10,000 still a lot of money
Manager: I guess…. Ok we can do it. But don’t bother me with peanuts like this again.
Dev: ??? You asked me buddy15 -
PM: I want a status report
ME: Here you go (sending email)
PM: I want more status (!?)
ME: Ok (adding some random bullshit)
PM: Perfect, thank you!2 -
Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!
Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday
Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.
Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things
Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!
Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through
Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!
Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.
Manager: !!
// *************
Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.20 -
Thursday
PM: Hey why is A delayed? It should be top priority.
me: I just completed B, and C which were also top priority but got scheduled earlier, so I thought they..
PM: Agh, yes. But can you then finish A by the end of week? it would be very important!
me: No, I unfortunately don't think I'd have enough time by the end of wee..
PM: Why? This should be *the* top priority task. You should not start other tickets before A is done.
me: Exactly. But I *just* started. And. I. don't. have. enough. free. hours. left. this. week.
PM: But why?!
me: So just on Friday I have these 5 meetings here..
*shows calendar*
PM: Ok... OK! Then don't attend those before you are done. This should be more important.
me: Ugh, oh-key...are you sure?
PM: Yea, just let who invited you know that you can't attend and feel free to cc me in, I'll explain A is most important atm.
me: Ok, thanks, but that won't be necessary.
PM: What? Why?
me: You invited me to the Friday meetings.
Obviously I had to attend all 5 meetings today and A is pushed back to next week. :)10 -
Boss: Great news, we are getting another backend dev from another team to help us out.
Me: Cool, hopefully we don’t have the same trouble as the others, not replying, never writing anything down etc.
Boss: No, I’ve worked with her before. She’s much more passionate about doing things right, using best practices and all that stuff.
Me: Oh that’s perfect, great news!
Boss: Yep! ... just be aware she has a tendency to get very easily confused. She delivers the wrong thing from time to time and might need to redo stuff semi-regularly.
Me: ... ... ...
Boss: It’ll all work out. Don’t worry. Ok gotta run.15 -
Me: "We are gonna move away from Google services."
Him: "Ok. Just make it EXACTLY like Googles services. I won't use anything with less features."
Me: "Look, I can offer you something with more privacy and security under european law. It may not be EXACTLY like Google. If I could do that I wouldn't be here obviously."
Him: "As long as I'll work here I'll not work with something less than Google."
Inner me: AAAARGHHH FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I'LL STICK THOSE GOOGLE SERVICES UP YOUR ARSE SO THEY CAN SPY ON YOUR FUCKING GUTS!"
Me: "Well, in this case I'm glad that you are not alone to decide that."21 -
Client: "I need an Android app that does ______"
Me: "Ok, I'll start right away!"
Client: "Oh, and one more thing: I want it developed in eclipse"
Me: "Go away"10 -
Every goddamn time.
Boss: Hey, how is the project going?
Me: promising. We have some basic functions working, but at this point it is more like a proof of concept.
Boss: Ah ok, I see.
Couple of days later...
Boss: I talked to a client who was very interested in the stuff you are just building. Made a really good deal! We need to be live by the end of the week.
Me: What?
Boss: What?6 -
I've been writing PHP for more then 10 years. So, one fine day while having coffee with new tech manager...
Manager: huh, you've been programmer for very long time. Can you explain how echo works?
Me: err.. Echo. Spit out string. (show some example code on my phone)
Manager: I mean, I want to know, which part in C++ code in PHP engine. (trying to impress with jargons)
Me: I don't know. But why?
Manager: As programmer, you need to know, so you can echo more efficient.
Me: ... Errr... Ok... (I've been echo-ing for more then decade. Is there a way to make echo more efficient?)13 -
2 hours, maybe 2.5.
No one works for more than that, it's not how brains work. Or bodies for that matter, you gotta pee eventually.
OK maybe I'm pedantic and shouldn't count breaks... But then where lies the threshold? A fifteen minute coffee break? An hour long lunch break?
Could we use scrum storypoints to brag then (I once finished 12 points in a day!) — not really, because they're not standardized units of work.
Lines of code then? Well, the dev who copy pastes Java classes would beat the guy adjusting a dense Python script, without necessarily doing more.
No, the only true measure is of course grams of amphetamine per week, and in that metric I win from everyone.
😂😅😶😣😓😟😖😧😵😰🚑16 -
Put it on a poster:
"It's ok to:
say "I don't know"
ask for more clarity
stay at home when you feel ill
say you don't understand
ask what acronyms stand for
ask why, and why not
forget things
introduce yourself
depend on the team
ask for help
not know everything
have quiet days
have loud days,
to talk,
joke and laugh
put your headphones on
say "No" when you're too busy
make mistakes
sing
sigh
not check your email out of hours
not check your email constantly during hours
just Slack it
walk over and ask someone face-to-face
go somewhere else to concentrate
offer feedback on other people's work
challenge things you're not comfortable with
say yes when anyone does a coffee run
prefer tea
snack
have a messy desk
have a tidy desk
work how you like to work
ask the management to fix it
have off-days
have days off
(From UK Government Digital Service: https://gds.blog.gov.uk/2016/05/...)
7 -
Java: Ok, any ideas on how to make women more interested in us ?
.
.
.
C++: Make more exceptions ?
Python: Redefine our methods ?
C: Stop treating them like objects ?
.
.
.
*Java furious at C*
.
.
.
*Java throws C out of the building*11 -
User: "it stopped working"
Me: "ok. Could you be more specific?"
User: "it just closed"
Me: "could you give me the stacktrace/error message?"
User: "no."
Me: "why?"
User: "can't find it"
With a long conversation and some frustrating debugging it turned out that, ironically enough, the crash reporter crashed...2 -
!rant
A: "Hi, I'm A, I'm the CEO of X, we had this project I'd like you to do for me"
Me: "Hi, can I have more details about the project?"
A: "Ah yes, this is some kind of e-commerce for our start-up, we need you to do a web app, iOS, and Android app in 1 month"
Me: "OK we can do it in 2 month."
A: "OK we'll let you know our decision tomorrow"
(next month)
A: "Sorry we have to postpone this project"
(next 5 month)
A: "Hi! now I'm building this Y start-up and we need you to help us migrate our android app to web"
Me: (Looks feasible than his last project) "OK, I can do it"
A: "Can we meet tomorrow?"
Me: "OK"
(tomorrow)
Me: "Hello? where will we meet?"
Me: "?"
(next month)
A: "Hi! Sorry for not replying, can we meet this week for the Y project?"
Me: (...)7 -
So the first hackathon I attended my team and I came stone last. So while we wait for the awards I have 3 beers to drown my sorrows (I am a 2 beer guy so I was already feeling it)
We go into the ceremony and there were not enough chairs at a table for my team, so I end up sitting at the winning teams table. Let's just say I adopted a bottle of wine.
A wine bottle down I am feeling super drunk. I told myself "no more booze" ... Then the tequila's started rolling. I must have been quite visibly drunk because the other people at the table were giving me more to drink. Eventually I was like "I am ok, I am ok"
I wake up 2 days later on the floor of my bedroom at my parents house. Apparently this is what happened after the tequila's:
I decided to have an awards ceremony of my own and hug EVERYONE, apparently one judge did not enjoy his drunken hug very much (lol). Then I threw up in the hotels courtesy car, and also ran backwards into their bushes.
A buddy of mine took me home, but was to scared to face my parents, so he dumped me (now asleep) on the my parents driveway, rang the bell and buggered off, leaving my parents to drag me inside.3 -
Person: I liked your personal website’s design, is it ok if I use it?
Me: A personal website should reflect your own style of design. Try creating one instead of using mine.
Person: Oh well, I liked yours more so I used it. Thanks anyway!
They literally have an exact copy of the code with different content. 😒10 -
OK morning rant from yesterday.
Get into the venue, connect my surface to the dock, keyboard won't work.
Try more USB ports, try another machine, keyboard (corsair k70) is totally broken.
Ugh.
Fine.
Disassemble keyboard, someone asks me a question, turn around and knock full coffee cup over my surface book.
Fuck sake.
Now I need a new laptop.4 -
Recently i had to interview a guy with 10 years of frontend experience for a react developer role
Me : Do you know what ecmascript is ?
Him : Yes
Me : Which version would you prefer to use and why ?
Him : I dont use it. I am more comfortable with JavaScript.
Me : (totally confused) 😶
Him : (trying to be oversmart) I know you young guys prefer to use these fancy frameworks because you dont know how powerful raw javascript is.
Me : (Trying hard to not "react") Ok.
How would you "react" to this ?31 -
Somehow, the company I work for has decided it is ok for people to have their dogs in the office.
One of the dogs is such a sissy, cries and make stupid noises - I has been so for many many month.
Yesterday, when we had our asses full of stuff to do. The dog decided that it really have to take a dump inside the office and start barking (more like "veff").
So I turned around, to my other collegue and asked him really loud:
"Should groceries really do that?"
He is asian, he liked the joke. But the owner did not.4 -
A few weeks ago at infosec lab in college
Me: so I wrote the RSA code but it's in python I hope that's ok (prof usually gets butthurt if he feels students know something more than him)
Prof: yeah, that's fine. Is it working?
Me: yeah, *shows him the code and then runs it* here
Prof: why is it generating such big ciphertext?
Me: because I'm using big prime numbers...?
Prof: why are you using big prime numbers? I asked you to use 11, 13 or 17
Me: but that's when we're solving and calculating this manually, over here we can supply proper prime numbers...
Prof: no this is not good, it shouldn't create such big ciphertext
Me: *what in the shitting hell?* Ok....but the plaintext is also kinda big (plaintext:"this is a msg")
Prof: still, ciphertext shows more characters!
Me: *yeah no fucking shit, this isn't some mono/poly-alphabetic algorithm* ok...but I do not control the length of the ciphertext...? I only supply the prime numbers and this is what it gives me...? Also the code is working fine, i don't think there's any issue with the code but you can check it if there are any logic errors...
Prof: *stares at the screen like it just smacked his mom's ass* fine
Me: *FML*12 -
Recruiter: We found you resume as a perfect match for this job, my client needs a Junior frontend developer ...., that sounds good to you?
Me: Yes, I’d like to apply but you have to be aware that I’m a Junior.
R: of course, don’t worry about it, please send your resume (ah? I thought you already have it) so we can go on with the process.
Me: ok.
... 5 fucking weeks of interviews later...
R: Hi, unfortunately we cannot proceed with you application, my client is looking more for a Senior FullStack Lord of the 7 kingdoms Master degree developer, sorry.
Me: u kidding me right?3 -
> Manager: Why does service X behaves Y way? It should do Z instead.
> Me: *explains why*
> Manager: I don't understand this...
> Me: *explains it in more simple terms and shorter sentences*
> Manager: I'm still not sure I get it.
> Me: It is like this because of a third party provider and we can't change anything for the same reason. Also it is working like this for half a decade now.
> Manager: Ok, I get it. So please fix the service, it should do Z instead of Y.
> Me: *facepalm* Sorry, I can't. Ask (frontend guy), maybe he can help you.
> Frontend guy a bit later: ┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)8 -
Ok so cowsay itself is already a pretty awesome thing and combined with lolcat it just gets better.
Another awesome and cool thing is devRant and so I thought: 'Hey, why not combine these awesome things into an even more awesome thing?'
Here it is:
(I will open source the python file tomorrow :D, it is just 10 lines actually)
Please tell me if you have any more ideas! :)
5 -
Client: I need this very complex feature
Dev : Ok, give me approx 2 weeks, this is new to me, have to do r&d.
Client: I can't give you 2 weeks, you have 2 days.
Dev: Somehow manages to complete in 2 days.
After few weeks.
Client's representative : What's the progress on the new features?
Dev: You haven't mentioned any new features yet.
Client's representative: I don't care, it's been weeks now, here are more complex features, I need them tomorrow.
😕12 -
"I should really make better offsite backups"
"Right, this service doesn't do client side encryption"
"Oh this one doesn't have a Linux client"
"OK this one only sets up a single directory you can dump shit into"
"Wtf this one charges more than a high class escort girl"
Whatever... I'm sure my house won't burn down.15 -
I found a cool project on GitHub. I forked it and added a simple dev server with the intent of making it more accessible which could lead to more activity = improved project. I created a PR with small concise commits with very informative messages.
The guy who owns the project comments and says "I don't want your dev server, I have an apache instance locally on my computer". I tell him "Ok sure, but wouldn't it be nice if everyone else also had a nice dev server which can be started with a single command?", and other people join the PR and agree with me that we should make it available for everyone.
But the fucking idiot doesn't care, "No, I prefer to use my apache server". YOU FUCKING ASS WIPE, why do you even put it up on GitHub if you don't want contributions to make your project better and more available? I saw other open PRs where he basically did the same thing, left a snarky comment without merging it. What a fucking tool. Worst spent time ever.
FUCK YOU6 -
You only get three wishes.
I wish for more wishes.
I can't do that. Only three are allowed.
Sudo I wish for more wishes.
OK, here's more wishes!2 -
Ok I have 2 more hours to work today. I bet I will get these 3 important things done.
*important email comes in*
*laptop runs out of batery*
*client finally calls back after 4 weeks*
*data structure has to be reorganized urgently due to new requirements*
After dealing with all of that, I close all windows in order to go home. The last window is the thing I wanted to do in the first place.1 -
Teamate: Hey I'll checkout you're branch to see what you've got done today.
Me: ...Ok.
Few hours later Teammate forgets to change branch and overwrites all my code in my branch causing merge hell and creating hours of more work.
Me:...what in the f***?!
6 -
*on call*
hr: hello , are you looking for a job change.
me : yes
hr: ok congo we have one opening for full stack developer
me : ok whats a jd?
hr : do you know reactjs?
me : yes
hr : do you know nodejs?
me : yes
hr : do you know bootstrap, jquery, photoshop, blender?
me : wait is it job for developer or graphic designer
hr : some time we give little task to our developer about editing photo and video
me : hmm intresting, I never tried blender but I can try if necessary. photoshop and other are ok for me
hr: that's great, we are looking for few more skills
me : ok
hr: . net and django
I started laughing😂😂😂😂
hr: what happened?
me: thank you for entertained me today, day was really rough.8 -
Ok, people who invented CSS... which seems more intuitive and easier to read?
div {
margin-right: auto;
margin-left: auto;
}
Or
div {
center-this-damn-div: true;
}12 -
Today I inserted a single row into a table which triggered four triggers which inserted 5 rows each to different tables triggering 9 triggers inserting 3 rows which triggered more triggers... Nothing about this is ok.6
-
Work, the haiku:
(Plus more Dilbert)
“Where are you on this?”
“I’m where JIRA says I am”
“Ok, but how far?”
8 -
11:45am: "Ok one more issue to fix and then I can take a nice long break and relax a little bit. My next meeting isn't until 2.
12:45pm: "Well this issue is taking longer than expected but that's okay. I can grab lunch and still relax a little bit."
1:59pm starving, thirsty and really need to pee and can only choose one. Oh, and the issue still isn't fixed: "god dammit."6 -
Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
My mother seems to disengage her brain when using a computer, so you must give instructions in exacting detail...
Me: Close that window.
Mom: Um, ok?
Me: ... Click the little red button at the top left...
MS Word: Save document? Yes / No
Mom: ... Now what?
Me: Well, do you want to save that?
Mom: Yes! ...
Me: ... so... click Yes...
... and I die a little more inside...6 -
People on stackoverflow are really just the worst. Ok whatever, you have 20 years of experience more than me, and you've written code in dozens of languages. Doesn't grant you being a dick to me and downvote my answer just because it could've been written in 1 line instead of 5.12
-
Le me at the end of an interview
Recruiter: What is your salary expectations
*trying to find a good number but without exaggeration*
Me: well, about x USD.
Recruiter: that's ok for us.
Me inside: oh I should asked more than that! Stupid me.6 -
Manager: How’s the progress coming along?
Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow
Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code
Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for
Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*
Dev: …10 -
On Windows machine
Me: login as admin. Cool i have admin rights now.
Me: Open's gitbash.
$ react-native run-android.
Error: cannot create some folder.
Build failed.
Ok. Maybe i should right click and select run as administrator.
Again
$ react-native run-android
Error: cannot delete some folder
Build failed.
What? Again?
Ok one more time.
$ react-native run-android
Error: cannot create some folder.
Build failed.
F**k this shit.
Switch to ubuntu.
$ react-native run-android.
Build finished
Installing on device.
Done9 -
What's the difference between a wasp and single loose hair?
Apparently none till the wasp stings :/
Yesterday I thought I had a loose hair on my neck.. ok, I shrug it off.. later again the creepy feeling.. shrugs off..
I continue to work, sumberged in code, wanting to find the fucker (bug, not the wasp/hair).. lean in to the monitor... 10 cents away from the screen... Ok, maybe that's it! Feels the hair on my back, near shoulderblades again... shrugging again more violently to get it further down to fall out.. nothing.. ok, got the bug, threw myslef back in the chair with substential force & BAAAAM!!! Motherfucking hair bit me!! O.o
I scream in horror & on top of the lungs (it was late, after work hours so I didn't expect anyone else still at the office) PROKLETA PRASICA (roughly translated to goddamn female swine).. I previously saw some green bug flying around the office and I thought that nasty thing bit me (didn't know they bite soo, much more horror for me).. O.o
Anyhow, I jump up from the computer and see my coworker looking at me all baffled.. I proceed to franticly take of my headphones and hoodie..thinking about wtf should I do now, I cannot get undressed in front of him (not for my sake, bra is the same as top of the bathing suit for me, but still..I don't want anyone suing me for impropper behaviour of undreasing in front of coworkers..), how the fuck should I get to the toilet?! O.o
C: Are you ok?!
M: Um.. sth bit me..wtf?!
C: There was a wasp flying around somewhere some time ago.. are you alergic?!
M: um..not sure, I don't think so..we'll see soon..
I proceed to the WC, to take off tshirt & check/kill off the fucker.. on my way there (walking funny to not press the hair to my body again) I got another surprise, another coworker was working late..
C2: Are you ok?! O.o
M: yeah, sth bit me, probably a wasp..
Ok, finally on the loo..ok, do not lock self in in case it escapes and you need help.. don't even shut the door. Check.. standing between the doors I contemplate on how the fuck should I take my tshirt off without angering the fucker even more and getting bitten again.. O.O
I lifted the tshirt up my back to let it out.. nope, not there..the creepy felling of buzzing around between my shoulder blades continues.. crap.. what to do?!
I stood there & contemplated the task.. ok, roll up the tshirt to the shoulder blades, not against the body (duh) to prevent further stings..tighten the fabric, so it cannot escape, quickly remove the band from the body.. done..reversed the tshirt and straightened it.. bzzz... Fucker fell somewhere.. Dafaq?! Was it really just a wasp?! If yes, no problem...but what if coworker was wrong and I got bitten by that nasty green whateveritsname bug?! Eeeeewwww! Is it poisonous? Gotta find it & kill it for good.. waited a bit, than saw a goddamn wasp crawl from under the toilet.. wasp!! Yess!! Stopm stomp fucker!!
I get dressed & go back to my desk..
C: Did you terminate it?!
M: Yup, fucker went on a toilet paper trip down the drain!!
I sit down, starting to get my headphones back on and proceed to work.., but before I could, one last gem:
C: CTO would say, thank god it didn't sting you in your finger cuz you wouldn't be able to type anymore..
M: O.O so true hahhahahaaa
Disclaimer - I like animals, but I freakking hate wasps..especially if they get under my tshirt to sting.. :/7 -
Me: ok, we're 4 days from launch, here's the most up-to-date version of the app, and here's what's been added since yesterday.
Client: ok, looking good, still needs a little more here and here.
Me: yes we've made note of that an-
Client: oh ya, and that thing that's been in there since day 1, take that out.
Me: oh, ok, we're gonna need so-
Client: and that thing we specifically asked for, take that out too.
Me: that's fine bu-
Client: oh, and add a fucking Christmas wreath for them to jump through. -
Fuck you idiots at medium.com for your sheer impudence. Not only that you track me, which I havn't agreed to, you think it's a good idea to nag around and gather even more data!
You stinking farts label your stalking as "let's make things official"! Who shit in your head?
I've seen other places way more often, and guess what, no coffee bar has ever had the idea to ask for my ID card just because I bought my second or third coffee there.
But just because it's the internet you think it's OK to be intrusive wankers, yeah?! Fuck off.
4 -
It's raining in Chennai, India.
Flooding in quite a few areas.
The areas hit bad are where the IT companies have set up shop. More rain is expected .
If you know guys from here please check and see if they're OK. It was almost impossible to get back home from work for many people last night.
Uber was charging 600% more for a ride.
Hope you guys from Chennai are safe.8 -
FUCK OFF!! JUST. FUCK. OFF.
I've been studying for around 4 hours and my roommate just asked me "why do you take so much time to study? Reading through it twice should be more than enough"
Simply reading trough it twice he said. MOTHERFUCK I'M NOT EVEN DONE READING THIS SHIT, THAT I'LL NEVER APPLY IRL, ONCE AND I AM NOT A KIND OF GENIUS THAT REMEMBERS EVERY DAMN DATA OK BY READING SHIT TWICE LIKE YOU. PUT YOURSELF IN MY DAMN POSITION YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK4 -
Me, starting my internship in ML.. coworkers come to me asking what computer I need:
Me: Well, something more powerful than this i3, and most importantly some kind of GPU for training.
Them: Ok, what kind of GPU?
Me: Well, a 1080 or 2080 should be more than enough and good performance for the price.
Them: Oh.. We were more thinking about a Tesla V100 or something like that!
Me: (internally) WTF this costs more than what you'll pay me for the internship, this is so cool. (to them) Oh, yes, why not, great perfomance, blah blah blah.
I would prefer them to pay me more, but at least they're not going to hold me down with bad components! Nothing to rant about for now.. Hope it'll stay the same ^^5 -
Today the lead developer and I where loling and wtfing hard to the following code:
if ($looked_column == true)
{
$trunca = 1;
}
else
{
$trunca = 1;
}
Mind you, we had no clue why he named the variable $trunca, and even then it had been set at the top of the file as 1 to begin with....was never used up to this line and $looked_column had also a set to true.
This is why a lot of people give php a bad reputation. This right here is why people make fun of php......15 -
am I only one who thinks that ≥6GB RAM for phones is just too much as most of the time the unused RAM gets wasted for no goddamn reason but the only one being that the companies want their product(s) to look more compelling in `spec sheets` and it's a competitive market so it ok for them to do so...
24 -
Me during my last performance review: So I did this, and that, which has this impact, and that impact
Some dude from the higher echelon: what you achieved is nice, but you need to contribute outside of your team too. No promotion for you!
Me during this performance review: ok, so here's what I did and its impact, and also here's my contribution to the company outside of my team
Some dude from the higher echelon: wow why are you doing all that? You need to delegate more. No promotion for you!
I love corporate life!5 -
Client: I need a Website, You have "complete freedom" to choose an apt design, it should be professional and creative.
Designer: Ok.
~ Makes a top-notch Demo inspired from Apple Website ~
Client: It is not professional at all, you should use yellow color for header background. Matching the yellow in the logo, text should be in red. Use blue borders. "Make it more professional!"
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Change the font of the website, use something like this (shows Monotype Corsiva). Reduce the image sizes to stamp size. Give a zoom effect to the headings. Increase the text font size to 16px.
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Now it looks more professional!! You should hire me to your design department! And now, as I did the major design part you are only eligible for half the payment......
Designer: <<< what will you say? comment it below.. >>>10 -
fuuuck, I overslept today, and I have to introduce a new team nember today and I will be too late in office because of that.
OK so i take a shower, and brush my teeth and get my clothes on in under 5 minutes (which is actually very fast for me), run for my train, just made it into it, get to the next station where I have to switch trains, and then it hits me again: 8 minutes delay, OK that made it even more bad than it was vefore, because I will miss my train on the next station where I again have to switch.
I will now end up 45 minutes too late in the office, only because I overslept. I hate me5 -
C0D4 kinda hangry!
Yes that's a word...... maybe.
Ok, so I'm starting to see memes, memes and more fucking shitty memes, don't we have Reddit for that?
I wonder.. if it's a terrible idea in this day and age to remove the ++ button from meme posts, it would immediately remove the incentive to farm ++ and not contribute other wise, and it's not necessarily penalising them for doing it, it's just not rewarding them...
I know... I'll go jump in my bunker and hide from the riot that will probably begin now.23 -
Just found this while trying to understand some code:
```
bool ok = true;
if(ok) {
// lots of code here
} else {
// even more code here
}
```
I thought this was worth my first rant...6 -
At a festival where I was with my GF from back then, I asked her whether it was OK if I drank some more, which she was fine with, but she didn't get the implication.
Later in the tent, when I was totally drunken, she turned me around and wanted some action. The sudden movement didn't go well, I was just able to open the tent, vomited out of the tent, and turned around to continue sleeping.6 -
How to know a mobile game will suck
Opens game says need to download more data... Ok
22 files needed, looks pretty fast... all's good
#22 apparently HUGE file...
**feeling doubtful...**
**It's almost there.... done!**
Downloading file 1/34
**WTF... I see what you're doing now... ok I'll wait....**
Finally done... Ok loading....
loading....
black screen, loading?
still black....
（╯－＿－）╯╧╧
ಠ︵ಠ凸3 -
Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.
Me: ok
Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.
Go back to boss.
Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.
Boss: ok.
Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.
Look like gold.3 -
Client(over the phone):- I want an Android app where there job seekers and recruiters.
Me:- sounds reasonable enough, ok
Client:-i want job seekers to apply for the job and recruiters to post the job.
Me(gets a bad feeling);- doable ok.
Client:- and I want an admin user who can see all the users and do everything.
Me(yup there it is):- what do you mean by everything?
Client :- you know everything, talk to recruiters talk to see everyone using the app, you know everything.
Me :- no I don't know this "everything" that you speak of, tell me more, what screens (activity) should that have and stuff.
Client (getting irritated):- everything the admin user usually does.
Me(yare yare daze):- i will show number of users in a graph.
I have a feeling this is not over yet7 -
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK MICROSOFT?!!
I go to log into my laptop:
me: *enter the pin*
Windows: Error
me: Ok let's try the password...
Win: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: *checking my password manager* Nope, pretty sure that's correct... Ok, whatever let's try to reset it.
me: *generates new password and resets the password for the account*
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new password*
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: that's weird... let's try that again
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: Ok... reset once more *I enter the same password I generated before*
Windows: ThAt Is An OlD pAsSwOrD
me: *getting really pissed* FINE, GODDAMIT, HERE, NEW PASSWORD
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new new password*
Windows: wRoNg PaSsWoRd!
jdjsjcjj+3+@!o(€;#@!(&(1!!#((#(€_"jsjeucjcjfdjosdifhshabxnfnxjsosoguwqlqqlall#7@+1(
aaaaaáaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT CUNTS AT MICROSOFT!!!!!1!!!!!!!
I'M GONNA FUCKING TEAR YOU INTO THOUSAND PIECES AND THEN RUN YOU THROUGH A SHREDDER!!
YOU MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTIC CUNTS
FREAKING DEGENERATES22 -
It is always very nice when you and a colleague are given a project that is nowhere close to being finished, a week to finish it on, and great motivation from the boss.
Being called into a meeting with the boss and he tells you:
"Ok, you know %s ?", project.name
"Yeah?"
"I need you and %s to finish it within a week", colleague.name
"A week?! We'll do our best but we need more than tha--"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! IT IS AN EASY TASK THAT YOU CAN FINISH IN A DAY!! I COULD DO IT EVEN BETTER MYSELF!!"
"We'll try"
9 -
Me: *submits design document to manager, who sends it to client for review*
Client: "everything is good, except one line here mentions a function that has since been removed" *send email to manager*
Manager: Correct this one line *sends email to me*
Me: uh, ok *deletes line, sends updated document in new email*
Is there any reason in the world the client OR manager couldn't have corrected the line and moved on?
Did we need to get two more people involved and send 3 more emails?4 -
Not programming relevant.
Humans are assholes. Last week was my birthday. First my mom need to remember my sisters and grandma. Last only send a WhatsApp message for my birthday. Saturday I want to celebrate with some friends. Some didn't respond, one decline because of health issues (was ok). At least 9 people including me. But only after 2.5h (8pm) the designated driver was "tired" and take 3 more people with. So they didn't take a walk or drive by Taxi, but went fucking partying at another place...
Half of family nearly forget my birthday and a bunch of "friends" are real jerks.9 -
Real fact: 1999
IT: IT, how can I help?
MrB: I'm Butcheek. This program is shit, I can't even log-in!
IT: oh.. Ok Mr. Butcheek, let’s see if I can help...
MrB: of course you can: fix this shitty program and made me log in!
IT: I’ll try to do my best to assist you, can you...
MrB: I just want to log in! Can you speak my language? This new program is ridiculous, I wonder why you IT guys changed the old one, it was a mess but at least I could log in...
IT: I'm sorry you are experiencing this problem, but to assist you I need to know exactly what's the problem
MrB: I CANT LOG IN!!!
IT: ok, I understand this, but can you please provide some more information? Do you receive any particular error messages?
MrB: it says “wrong password” but it's not true!
IT: Ok, that's strange. Look, I'm resetting your password and then you will try again. At the first log in you will be asked to change it again, ok?
MrB: just be quick, I can't waste any more time on this!
IT: sure... Ok done. Please, can you try again? The password is “butcheek”
MrB: it asks for the username. What am I supposed to write here?
IT: “butcheek”
MrB: oh... Ok. And what's the password?
IT: “butcheek”
MrB:... No... Wait... Ok, “butcheek” is the password but what's the username?
IT: “butcheek”!
MrB: you don't understand, I have to put both username AND password!
IT: I know! “butcheek”! For both username AND password!
MrB: so I have to write “butcheek”-”butcheek”?
IT: yes, “butcheek”-”butcheek”!
MrB: so... “butcheek”...twice? Sounds weird... are you sure?
IT: yes I'm sure! However, you can choose either to write “butcheek” twice or “ASS” once, if you prefer...4 -
One of the biggest things that grinds me gears is when I'm tutoring CS at my school as a student tutor is that I get those students who obviously aren't studying or even trying, in fact hoping their tutor will tell them exactly what to type to get that A in the class.
Me: "OK so here's the idea of..." *explains the idea on what they need to accomplish in a more simplistic, visual idea*
Student': *blank stares*
Me: *Blank stares back, thinking of how to make it simpler...*
I then explain I in even more layman terms till they get through their head I'm not going to tell them what to do. I'll guide, but I won't tell what to do.
Please don't waste my time, or I'll waste your time explaing the very fundamental basics of how a variable works instead of helping with your homework.3 -
An ex of mine broke up with me when I changed my career path to programming. She said she wouldn't want to date with a programmer, I said 'ok bye'.
Guess who has a better career and dated with smarter, nicer, more funny and more attractive people since then 😎7 -
Boss calls: "Can you give me more bandwith?"
Me: "I can, but the other coworkers will have issues"
Boss: "Doesn't matter, and please, lift up the proxy too"
Me: "I am sorry, but I can't, that could compromise our security"
Boss: "I am giving you an order..."
Me: "Ok then..."
Me: *proceeds to give boss more bandwith and lifts up proxy (all is lost now)*
I go to see what is the boss doing with the bandwith...he was downloading League of Legends in his personal notebook...
TL;DR: Boss asks to put company at risk for the sake of a game...2 -
Boss: We need to make a site but the content will have bolded words where the user can hover over to see more for each term.
Me: Ok sounds simple.
B: It's for a client and we aren't gonna touch it in the future so make it simple.
M：okay... so no JavaScript?
B: That means we are only going to send them HTML and nothing else. Here's a list of the images they have.
Me:......
Now I have to make about 80 pages of pure html with inline styles on each page.10 -
“This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
^^ this couldn't come more handy..
It's thursday, my computer didn't auto reboot due to updates (yaaay) but VS decided to kill my keyboard shortcuts nevertheless... :\
FU VS!!
Wen't to check, it's actually still there (written) ok..
Me: Why won't you work?!
VS: Not tellin..
Me: Dafaq?! Ok, I'll delete you and reset..
VS: Nope, you won't!
Me: Why don't you allow the same shortcut to be assigned?! Why is nothing getting typed in?!
VS: Dunno, to piss you off maybe?
Me: What's wrong with you?!
VS: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa4 -
Me: I want to learn Clojure
Me: But I need real tasks to learn
Me: OK, reconnecting device with wireless adb
Inner me: Are you kidding? 5 lines with bash
Me: In clojure it will be more elegant and faster to write similar tasks in future
*2 hours later*
Me: IT WORKS
Internal me: Really? This is ugly as fuck. And the only clojure feature it uses - sh and re-find
Me: But... It... Works... *cries* -
Email: "We just launched our new web interface! It's so much easier to use, and should make life a lot easier for our users."
Me: Oh good this thing has been unusable since I've been working here. How do I get on the new version? Better read on...
"Download this PDF for more information!"
Erm... ok.
In the (20 page) PDF: "Email this address@example.com to get the URL!"
ffs ok
email: "Thank you for emailing us, you username is benoliver999, your password is 'passow0rd' and the url is in this attached PDF
god help me
(50 page) PDF: "Remember to disable pop up blocker, ad-block and to install Flash"
Today I have started building my own version of this product so we can stop using these idiots.
As an aside, the username 'admin' also had a password of 'passow0rd'...4 -
Dev: Ok refactor this following block of code to make it more readable/maintainable while still ensuring the tests pass
*** Block is an absolute mess of nested ternaries, poorly named functions, single letter variables and outdated comments. An underhand pitch if there ever was one ***
Interview Candidate: Why would you refactor code if the tests are already passing?
Dev: …… NEXT.7 -
That moment you're 8 beers deep into your program at 4am, so focused and then realized you've been crossing your legs doing the pee pee dance in your chair so you don't piss yourself because your bladder is full and you just say "ok bathroom break after I finish this method, then one more beer."4
-
Ok, I give up reverse engineering this. Full of netscape compatibility and iframes, and more shit.
Typical korean websites. ^v^
1 -
I hate one guy in our office!!! 😡🤬
He is a very toxic person, but that was ok (more or less) till today.
Today I have had a videocall with a new team, PM and client, because I have ended the previous project and has been moved to a new one.
And this asshole has taken a purple pony(!!!) and touched my face with it few times while I speak with other persons via webcam!
I just lack of words to describe all my emotions about this situation 🤐
And he thinks it was funny!
9 -
Working on my Lenovo x1 carbon. Akku warning "less then 6%" appears. No problem, I will connect the cable just after I finished this function... "Will shutdown in a view moments" message appears. Ok, I connect the cable. Nothing happens. Maybe power adapter is broken or something more worst. Panic. Try to commit and push as fast as I can (around 2000 LOC from today, made big changes on my project today). While pushing to github laptop powers off. Fuck. Check github on smartphone to see if commits had been pushed. No. I do not have a power adapter for replacement. FML.4
-
Backstory: Offering manager brings a project through a few months of requirements gathering / feasibility study etc. Project spends 8 months with a R&D team to flesh out. Our team gets 6 months to turn it into a ship able product. 4 months in, offering manager calls a meeting.
OM: ok so you are all working on project X, well I need your input on something
Team: Ok, go ahead
OM: what do you think the app needs to do?
Team: ... I'm sorry?
OM: well we've been looking at it, and we don't think it does very much compared to existing apps. We need a killer feature but we don't know what. Any ideas?
Team: well we were looking at project Y originally, which was a lot more advanced. But you pulled the plug in favour of this.
OM: yeah, believe me customers will want project X a lot more. It just needs to do something interesting ... you know what I mean?
Team: not really, if it doesn't have anything, why did we go for it?
OM: ok I don't think I'm being clear. Point is, if anyone has any ideas let me know, we need to ship it in 2 months and it needs to be killer
I handed in my notice that week and was asked why ... let's just say I told them. -
PM: This feature should take you about 6 hours to complete.
Me: Psh if that, it's just a view.
PM: Actually it needs this logic as well. *sends requirements*
Me: OK that's way more than a view... *gets it done and commits*
QA: I need this logic to work a way that was never on the requirements.
Me: Yeah, that's an additional feature but I'll do it. *commits and passes QA*
PM: So why didn't you finish everything on this sprint... you said that 6 hours was more than enough time.1 -
Life is hard.
You are born. DNA gets determined. You go through infancy.
Puberty comes and DNA is like
"uh from now you'll pretty much have strong sexual urges, a huge desire to be sexually prolific, nothing weird like being pedo or into rape though".
me: Uh ok.
dna: oh, also, you're gonna be one of those late bloomers, you know, you talk like shit, you dress like shit, you smell like shit.
life: that's true and also you don't have anyone in your life to teach you about that shit, so forget about kissing, having sex, let alone being in a relationship for a long time.
*a lot of years go by with a lot of missed opportunities, mistakes and regrets*
life: ok, you seem to have become a decent sex partner out of a lot of scarring experiences, but there's one problem: you've fallen in love with somebody.
and you're married
and you have kids
me: well, does that mean I can't fuck other people?
life: yeah, no. I'm surprised I even have to explain that, it's called cheating. It will pretty much ruin your marriage, and fuck up your kids.
me: ok, I guess no then. I'm still fortunate enough to have sex with my wife right?
life: yeah... but you still want to fuck other people
me: what???
life: yeah, did you think that falling in love would make you not want to fuck other people? fuck no
me: ok, well I'm very grateful that I get to experience sex at all.
life: yes... there's a thing though, your partner has a much much lower libido than you.
me: ok, well maybe if I exercise and dress better that might change
life: that will definitely help, you'll feel more confident and have more stamina, but every time you retry exercising, you remember how much you hate it and how little stamina you have.
oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you had kids and work, yeah no time or energy for that.
me: ok, then should I just embrace a more liberal lifestyle, like becoming a swinger?
life: ha, fat chance, it's a very taboo thing and you're not that liberal, neither is she.
me: uhhh, i guess i can sometimes watch porn then...
life: watching porn regularly will make the only sex that you have worse, according to statistics.
me: ok, I guess I should get ripped18 -
OMFG I don't even know where to start..
Probably should start with last week (as this is the first time I had to deal with this problem directly)..
Also please note that all packages, procedure/function names, tables etc have fictional names, so every similarity between this story and reality is just a coincidence!!
Here it goes..
Lat week we implemented a new feature for the customer on production, everything was working fine.. After a day or two, the customer notices the audit logs are not complete aka missing user_id or have the wrong user_id inserted.
Hm.. ok.. I check logs (disk + database).. WTF, parameters are being sent in as they should, meaning they are there, so no idea what is with the missing ids.
OK, logs look fine, but I notice user_id have some weird values (I already memorized most frequent users and their ids). So I go check what is happening in the code, as the procedures/functions are called ok.
Wow, boy was I surprised.. many many times..
In the code, we actually check for user in this apps db or in case of using SSO (which we were) in the main db schema..
The user gets returned & logged ok, but that is it. Used only for authentication. When sending stuff to the db to log, old user Id is used, meaning that ofc userid was missing or wrong.
Anyhow, I fix that crap, take care of some other audit logs, so that proper user id was sent in. Test locally, cool. Works. Update customer's test servers. Works. Cool..
I still notice something off.. even though I fixed the audit_dbtable_2, audit_dbtable_1 still doesn't show proper user ids.. This was last week. I left it as is, as I had more urgent tasks waiting for me..
Anyhow, now it came the time for this fuckup to be fixed. Ok, I think to myself I can do this with a bit more hacking, but it leaves the original database and all other apps as is, so they won't break.
I crate another pck for api alone copy the calls, add user_id as param and from that on, I call other standard functions like usual, just leave out the user_id I am now explicitly sending with every call.
Ok this might work.
I prepare package, add user_id param to the calls.. great, time to test this code and my knowledge..
I made changes for api to incude the current user id (+ log it in the disk logs + audit_dbtable_1), test it, and check db..
Disk logs fine, debugging fine (user_id has proper value) but audit_dbtable_1 still userid = 0.
WTF?! I go check the code, where I forgot to include user id.. noup, it's all there. OK, I go check the logging, maybe I fucked up some parameters on db level. Nope, user is there in the friggin description ON THE SAME FUCKING TABLE!!
Just not in the column user_id...
WTF..Ok, cig break to let me think..
I come back and check the original auditing procedure on the db.. It is usually used/called with null as the user id. OK, I have replaced those with actual user ids I sent in the procedures/functions. Recheck every call!! TWICE!! Great.. no fuckups. Let's test it again!
OFC nothing changes, value in the db is still 0. WTF?! HOW!?
So I open the auditing pck, to look the insides of that bloody procedure.. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
Instead of logging the p_user_sth_sth that is sent to that procedure, it just inserts the variable declared in the main package..
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Did the 'new guy' made changes to this because he couldn't figure out what is wrong?! Nope, not him. I asked the CEO if he knows anything.. Noup.. I checked all customers dbs (different customers).. ALL HAD THIS HARDOCED IN!!! FORM THE FREAKING YEAR 2016!!! O.o
Unfuckin believable.. How did this ever work?!
Looks like at the begining, someone tried to implement this, but gave up mid implementation.. Decided it is enough to log current user id into BLABLA variable on some pck..
Which might have been ok 10+ years ago, but not today, not when you use connection pooling.. FFS!!
So yeah, I found easter eggs from years ago.. Almost went crazy when trying to figure out where I fucked this up. It was such a plan, simple, straight-forward solution to auditing..
If only the original procedure was working as it should.. bloddy hell!!8 -
Ok... I have been desperately trying to control myself from pointing it out to my pm that it's pronounced as "GIT" not "JIT". If he says that one more time, I might not be able to control myself...6
-
Me helping out a fellow Software engineering student:
Me: OK, now open program X.
He: * Opens the compressed file and runs it from there *
It takes a good two minutes for all of the resources to be extracted.
Me: * Gives more instructions *
Me: We are going to have to restart program X.
He: * Closes X and runs again from inside de .rar file *
Another two minutes.
Me: * stares *3 -
Because DevOps in a lot of organizations is really “help desk for clueless developers”, conversations like this happen a lot:
Dev “hey the thing seems to be not working right”
Me “what does that even mean? I need you to be a good deal more specific. What thing. What isn’t working?”
Dev “I dunno”
Me “Are there error messages?”
Dev “yes”
Me “….would you like to share them with me?”
Dev *sends error*
Me “ok did you actually read this error message?”
Dev “yes”
Me “…so you’re good then? It says you’re trying to use a variable that hasn’t been declared yet. You should fix that. “
Dev “…”
Me “good luck”13 -
Looking for job opportunities, one grabbed my attention and I decided to apply. First, I had to fill a form with 40 questions, explaining and justifying development processes, best practices and overall knowledge. Ok, no problem. Form submitted, and I see a step 2. Now I have to build a single page site from scratch, and send another form with code, link, and more justifications regarding development. After that, my application will be sent.
Then I found this observation, saying the position was for a freelancer, that will receive work occasionally. Not a full time position as I thought.
Sometimes cleaning bathrooms sounds a better option.1 -
Ok I give up. I concede. I can't take one more second of trying to get ANY window manager to run under Arch with an Nvidia GPU.
Back to Debian it is...18 -
I'm juste laughing .
I just can't.. Ok :
1. I pay for 1Gb down, 750 Mb up.
They usually provide 10% more.
So did already post speed tests here.
Now for uknown reason, my download went to 600 Mbps.
Not a big deal, I I still called ISP.
After all tests done, they bumped my conexion. And even with bump I still have obly 550 Mbps.
But, LOOH AT THAT UPLOAD !!!
That upload is insane. And i'm pretty sure it's limited by my only 2.5 Gbps card
Fort lazy :
https://speedtest.net/result/c/...
7 -
Never mess with a motivated developer. I will make your life difficult in return.
Me: we need server logs and stats daily for analysis
DBA: to get those, you need to open a ticket
Me: can't you just give me SFTP access and permissions to query the stats from the DB?
DBA: No.
*OK.... 🤔🤔🤔*
*Writes an Excel Template file that I basically just need to copy and paste from to create a ticket*
This process should not take me more than 2mins 👍😁😋🙂😙😙😙😙😙😙😙😙
For them.... 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈9 -
Paraphrased with imaginary ending:
Me: Ok so this X will never be more than Y items and not more than one pages?
Person: Yes. it won't be more than Y items and never more than one page.
Me: If this is always Y items or less and not more than one page, I can hammer this out quick then. If it is more than that it will take much longer to complete.
Person: Awesome!!!
-later-
Person: OK here's the template for Y x10 items and multiple pages.
Me: Oh I'm sorry, we're going to have to stop working on this. I thought you actually gave a fuck about this 'important' project and that you had deadlines you cared about, but apparently not enough to participate in this conversation with any level of intellectual honesty. Please fuck off now while I go work on more productive tasks....4 -
Facebook: Ok, so we have this really cool idea for native Android and iOS app with React
Devs: Nice!
Facebook: Its gonna take away the need to work with native code!
Devs: Great!
*Reality comes in*
Reality: To make anything work you need to modify native code and use more hacks than there are useless npm packages18 -
I don't get people..
He is a good person and and realy tries..
Tries what?! To annoy coworkers that have to fix every single thing he does?!
Some people will justify anything with 'he is a nice person and tries hard'. WTF?!
So if someone is a nice person, likes to talk a lot, has 'good' social skills but writes crappy code he doesn't test at all.. or tests and see that it's glitchy and still doesn't fix it.. so he is a good worker for that?! Dafaq?!
So if he is a 'lovable' person, he deserves to be here, doing more damage than helps.. he deserves to have a job, with same pay (or even more) than me?! WTF?! How?!
Why is this ok?! If we were heart surgeons and he killed a person or two due to lack of skills or negligence, what would happen?!
He'd get fired on spot!! Why can't it be the same with devs?!
Why on fucking earth do we need to put up with people who try their best and fail?! Especially if their best is lowest of all, lower than the 'I don't give a fuck, just doing sth so the boss stops nagging'?!
Fuuuuuuuu!!!!
But ok, some people are not cut out for some work, I get it.. but why the fuck do other people justify that with 'he tries'?! Dafaq?!
Maybe next time 'I'll try' to perfom brain surgery on you..and you'll end up a fuckin plant.. is that ok with you?! I'll be trying (not really) and do my best (well I will try not to use a chainsaw when cutting open your head).. will that be ok with you?!
Fuck!!5 -
I'm sick to death of hiring people from other companies and explaining GitFlow and why its useful (what are you people doing?).
Then watching them doing it wrong, pointing out its easier to use something like sourcetree. Which leads to "... well see, the terminal is just more efficient, tools like sourcetree are bloated".
Ok fair enough, well heres the deal i'll make with you, while using your "efficient tool", stop breaking our workflow and i'm fine for you to keep using it. Otherwise, stop being a dick and be a team player.18 -
CEO: “Everyone has to come back to the office. No more COVID working from home nonsense. We need to work together in person to be truly effective.”
Everyone: “There aren’t enough offices and desks for everyone.”
CEO: “Oh, also, we’re laying off thousands.”
Everyone: “Well, ok, but there’s still not enough room for everyone to work together in the same spaces.”
CEO: “Ok, contractors can work from home to make room for the remaining full-time employees.”
Me, a contractor:
3 -
I need a room to scream. Fuckin fuck every asshole cunt who sees shit code and decides its ok to write more shit code rather than fix it, absolute fuckin cunts10
-
Yay !!
Sleep no more with my ultimate awakinator ! (Which is a python script
That wakes up the system and plays alarm till I enter 'ok I'm awake' , then he'll play a video form YouTube channels I defined)
Awesome !!! ^ ^10 -
Majority of the hacking tutorials:
Tutor : Now we are going to set up two virtual machines to practice our hacking.
Me : Yes finally some useful practicals
Tutor : First one is Metasploitable
Me : What? This OS literally has its name derived from exploitable! How would it be useful in real life! But its ok, there is one more OS for practice, i am sure that one will be better.
Tutor : And the second one is "Windows XP"
Me : *MOTHERFUCKER!*
P.S.: I understand its not the case for all tutorial and it is somewhat necessary, but still it gets me a little.2 -
spotted a huge bug 2 days before launch. My boss was panicking and he asked. "how long more you need?!" I look at him and almost said "Don't rush art" then I swallow my saliva and said "give me 2 hours" he said ok hurry up.
yea 2 hours after i find out what went wrong2 -
OK can we agree the WORST feeling is when you're just sitting around consciously procastinating and you're just overly aware that each second that passes is more time wasted and you like watch hours pass and you're STILL procastinating and you CAN'T STOP and your panicked brain is trapped inside a body that refuses to be productive and inside you're screaming but outwardly you're just eating chips.9
-
I just got a phone call from "Microsoft" because there are Trojans on my pc. The broken English (and the content of the call) told me that it was scam, but I wanted to have my fun, so I continued the call.
After I told them that I am on my Computer, I was forwarded to an "expert", and now the funny part starts 😁
Scammer: you have your keyboard in front of you??
Me: yes
S: you see the strg, control ctrl button on the bottom left
M: yes *rly?*
S: what button. Is next to it?
M: fn
S: ...
M: ... *XD*
S: and next to it?
M: that's the windows button
S: ok, press that button along with 'r'
M: ok
S: what do you see?
M: *telling him what I see on my GERMAN pc*
S: ok, type 'eventvwr' *spelling it like hell*
I did so. Just while this spelling I could have hit my head on the desk... It was hilarious
He navigates me to the error and warnings and tells me that those are Trojans 😂 and that this is the reason some programs (especially my antivirus software) aren't running properly.
Well I told him that those aren't Trojans and that all my programs are running properly. I don't know if that was the reason, he stopped the call, but I wasn't able to connect to their 'headserver'.
In the end I am sad that I wasn't able to f*ck him up more. Maybe I would have been able to get some more information about their company to kick their *****.
Next time I will be (more) prepared7 -
Junior Dev me: ok boss, coding is basically done, just need to do some more system testing.
Senior Dev: fantastic let me take a look.
(3 hours later)
Senior Dev: ok so I've made some small changes and pushed, could you pull my edits.
me: sure
(pulls changes)
(EVERYTHING Is changed)
(try to compile)
(doesn't compile)
Me: sorry, it doesn't seem to compile for me
Senior Dev: I never tried to actually build it, it's only a small change
me:
7 -
Ok I'm seriously getting sick of this shit, my new manager wants us to have the fucking 12 hour night shifts from the office for .....no reason??!! for her own fucking entertainment I suppose!
I knew the day would come where my happy times at the new job would be over, my target now is stay 3 more months so I've been there for at least a year then see what happens. fuck me.4 -
I just started as a computer science major, and I'm a little irritated because I think I know more than my proffessor. I was excited that I would be pushed to my limits, but the other day I asked him for things I should work on to get ahead...
Him: Sure, page 475 has some good projects. Just don't go past chapter 9 unless you're confident with pointers.
Me: I did C before C++ and I hated pointers.
Him: C doesn't have pointers, you must have been using a different version of C.
Me: OK
Like really? I just can't wait till next semester.7 -
So... After this bullshit https://devrant.com/rants/1523838/...
Me: hey boss, so.. I made a list out of those PowerPoint's on Trello ( more than 50 cards ) , can we sit later to priorize them?
Boss: well.. We can but for me all those are important. And we are gonna have those other requests (THIS IS THE HUGE ONE) next week.
Me inside: aaaaahhhh... Scream to your faceeeee!!! I'm gonna kill you and use your skull as a fucking mug!!! Motherfucker!!!
Me: ok.
Our deadline is end of this month :)3 -
porra; caralho; toma no cu.
this fucking shit xamarin. I wish the ass who programed the xamarin vs2017 integration to go fuck off.
srsly, I just want to fucking code this fucking fucker VS2017 keep shitting all around me
first I was gonna install it. didn't install because no memory left. fair enough, my fault there.
cleaned 35 gbs.
finish installing VS, with xamarin. FIRST GOD DAMN TIME I create fucking project, 2 fucking errors and 3 warnings. I DIDN'T EVEN TYPE A COMMA.
ok, tried fucking it. it seems to be conflict between version of Android and xamarin forms. fucker you it shouldn't be like this. anyway.
tried downloading the updated Android version.
it failed at 80%! what error you ask? missing fucking space ok, fuck that thing is huge, ok, my fault again. uninstalled all programs I was not using, all projects I'm not current working on. more fucking 30GB free. tried again. ANDROID IS TOO FUVKING HUGE CAN'T INSTALL IN 30GB!!!
Ok. instead of updating android, gonna downgrade xamarin, can't downgrade. ok gonna remove and install an early version.
unistalled. CAN'T FIND XAMARIN DLLS.
I was like, fuck this project, gonna start a new one. ok, all seems fine, for some weird reason. Except no. I try adding a new page, ops, APPARENTLY VS2017 CAN'T LOAD A GODDAMN .XAML
Ok, I can create a .cs page. done, except now I get a fucking timeout error. fuck.
I search the internet for a workaround, see a guy saying I could manually add a .xaml + .cs by creating this files and then adding them to the proj file.
did it. I go again, everything seems fine. but now I can't freaking reference the damn page.
I'm fucking losing my mind here.
In the mean time I have to turn in this project at the end of the week AND I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THE GOD DAMN FREKING PROJECT PROPERLY!
FUCK. MY. LIFE.
FUCK XAMARIM AS WELL
FUCK VISUAL STUDIO
FUCK MICROSOFT
FUCK THAT DAMN SSD
FUCK THAT BOSS WHO THINK THAT A 128GB SSD IS ENOUGH
FUCK IT ALL...15 -
My thoughts on Windows:
Xp: fairly decently stable
Vista: OK wtf
7: what vista should have been. (The best one imo)
8: trash
8.1: an attempt to fix trash
10: slightly less trash with more stupidifying4 -
NEW TALES FROM THE FUCKING CRYPT. It's disgusting...
... how managers keep to invest money into totally useless gadgets at the company to keep themselves motivated with stupid toys, tech and gear. WHY in fucks name would you not spend the money on hiring more devs and a dev consultant?
It's funny how they presented the stats first: "yea well we have ten big projects in dev right now" (we are FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE, tells you everything, right) "... BUT WE HAVE BOUGHT NEW SCOOTERS FOR THE COMPANY!".
Ok... why though? Who would actually use those things except the ones that bought them. Just another way of spending more money to reduce the promised employee return on the company's profit...2 -
Built a C#/.NET application with support for a serial device. Tested it on systems A, B, C initially, all Windows system, same .NET version, same targeting, same build tool version, same initial connection configuration etc, etc.
Testing - works on A and C, B nopes.
...
OK, let's check the source, is there something about B that makes it impossible to execute that bit? - No, there is not, you checked that already, stop poking around, it definitively should work on B.
...
OK, maybe admin privileges, there is I/O involved, didn't need that on A and C, but who knows - nope, doesn't work on B.
...
OK, maybe something wrong with the connection settings? First try at reinstalling driver - but no, it doesn't work on B.
...
OK let's try with another device - more/less devices on B. Other USB ports. No. Still does not work on B.
...
OK, this is stupid, but, is the cabling alright? It is, of course it is, stupid - but it still does not work on B.
...
OK, at that point I'm just gonna ask a colleague, GrumpySoftwareDev whether he has any clue why it doesn't work on B. GrumpySoftwareDev knows nothing, but discovers that one of his applications doesn't work on Windows 10. You know nothing, Jon Snow, but it doesn't work on B.
...
OK, now I'm just going to ask another colleague TheLastOfHisKind who handed B down to me somewhat bluntly if he ever experienced problems when working with B and its serial configuration. TheLastOfHisKind tells me he does not and kindly offers me some input on the situation. Still no progress to get it working on B but he hinted he might have fucked up B's driver. I already reinstalled the driver but didn't reboot, which comes after reinstall.
...
OK, I'm just gonna remove and re-install the driver, then restart. Hu! Now the UI is gone but another serial device reacted on a general call. Not fully working on B but we're getting there.
...
OK, I don't know, I'm getting frustrated, let's borrow another system D - which has roughly the same configuration as B - from my colleague StrongCurrentGuy. StrongCurrentGuy borrows me his system and cautions me not to break it. I install the driver, plug the device and copy the application from B. It just works on D. Not on B though.
...
OK, you know what. I'm done. For shits and giggles I'm gonna remove that driver again, reinstall it and restart, maybe it'll magically work afterwar- WHAT THE HELL, I JUST OPENED IT AFTER RESTARTING, IT JUST WORKS - ON B!
... seriously, what the fuck. But yeah, at least it works now.4 -
Do I want to continue?
Y -> vacation lost (Production server is down).
N -> Ok, I will gather more packages for you to update next time.
😭😭
4 -
Starting new game development project.
Coder:" ok guys, I think that this time we have to focus much more on sprints management and documentation"
Designer:"Ye, this time we should use better scrum software, like jira or youtrack"
Artist:"but Asana has the unicorns when you complete a task"4 -
Me: I've got this wonderful idea, I'll try it in swift
OSX: download the 4.47 GIGABYTE Xcode
Me: :'( ok
Xcode : you need to update your OS and that's again more than 4.5 GIGABYTE
Me : Sublime -> Main.class
1 -
Fuck Monday and SAs... Just arrived at office and logged in:
Consider changing your password:
**Ok... Enters new password**
We're sorry your password is invalid
?????
Let's I already have a lower, uppercase letter, a number
....
Adds a symbol
**works**
Difference in security though? 0.... But now I have one more thing too remember...4 -
There’s so much we can learn from Gordon Ramsay..
I wish I could swear & insult like he can..
Woman: “who do you think you are? You insulted my friend!”
Gordon: “well if I did then I probably meant it, now get your fat ass back to your table”
“Congratulations, you just got your head out of your own ass. Now piss off”
*Customer wants more spinach*
Gordon: “ ok I’ll make you more spinach *dramatic pause* and push it up your ass”
Or my all time favorite:
“You fucking donkey”14 -
OK so... project I've been working on! It's a virtual processor that runs in the browser coded in JavaScript. OK so I know, I know, you must be thinking, "this is crazy!" "Why would she do this?!?!" and I understand that.
The idea of Tangible is is to see if I can get any tangible performance over JavaScript. I've posted a poorly drawn diagram below showing how tangible works.
The goal for tangible is to not use html, javascript, or CSS. Instead, you would use, say for instance, c++ and write your web page in that, then you compile it using my clang plugins and out pops your bytecode for Tangible. No more CSS, no more html, and no more javascript. Instead everything from a textbox to a video on your web page is an object, each object can be placed into a container, each container follows specific flag rules like: centerHorizontal or centerVertical.
Added to all of this you get the optimization of the llvm optimizer.
18 -
Me with estimations:
*enter the supermarket
*take a small basket because I need just one or two things..
*realizes I needed more things, basket get full, me getting tired.. oh shit..
Boss asks some changes
-ok boss, one hour at most, it's just adding few lines..
*then I realize that it's not that simple1 -
Spent the last half hour helping my wife over text trying to "fix" FireFox. She said any site she tries to go to just "spins and spins". Chrome, Edge, all work fine. Tried the trusty 'ipconfig /flushdns'.
Me: "Open the command line, by selecting Start and start typing cmd. You'll see the Command Prompt application. Right click and run it as an administrator"
<15 seconds later>
Her: "Do I left click or right click to run as adminstrator?"
Me: "Left click. You'll get a pop message, just click yes"
<about 10 seconds later>
Her: "This thing popped up, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
<more waiting>
Her: "Says something about making changes to my computer, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
Her: "Is it going to make changes? Are you sure I should click yes?"
Me: "YES!!"
Her: "Don't yell at me. You're supposed to know how to do this, not me. What do I do now?"
Me: "Type ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'Type ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, just ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "Yep, just put a space between ipconfig /flushdns and press enter"
Her: "Is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of ' ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, the space goes between ipconfig /flushdns, not before."
Her: "You're not making yourself clear. OK, now what?"
Me: "Press enter"
Her: "It didn't do anything."
Me: "Did you press enter?"
<more waiting>
Her: "OK, it's done. Now what?"
Me: "Restart FireFox"
Her: "Still not working. Just spins and spins."
<not 100% sure restarted FireFox>
Me: "I'll look at it when I get home."18 -
I had to write a script to clean some crap from a database.
In particular it had some records containing multiple names and I had to split them.
It was really a nightmare because the separator was not always the same, e.g. "John, Mark and Bob" or "Alice+Mary".
«Ok, let's use a fucking regex: ",|(and)|\\+|/|&"»
Then, I realized there were some "Alessandro" in the database. Yeah, Aless(and)ro. Shit.
So I had eventually added more crap into the database.6 -
18pm: *starting to work on own project. Listening to classical music for better concentration*
22pm: *no progress*
22:10pm: *putting on some good old death core on max volume coz fuck it.*
22:30pm: *realizing I did more in the past 20mins than in the 4h before*
22:45pm: *super motivated*
2am: *same song again? Quick look on the clock...* "fuuuuuu" *apparently listened to my whole playlist. OK. Let's search for more stuff on my 2TB HDD I dedicated to death core etc*
4am: "lul" *go to sleep*
6am: *wake up, go to school"
*goto 18pm*2 -
If I see one more Laravel dev I'mma commit a war crime
If I see one more Laravel dev dropping env(something) around the code I'mma commit _SEVERAL_ war crimes
Remember kids: you don't work with Laravel. If you do (you don't, but let's assume), ENV IS USED ONLY IN CONFIGURATION FILES, OR LARAVEL CACHING SYSTEM FUCKING BREAKS. Ok?11 -
Programmers: working tirelessly to create ever more advanced tech for handling information 💻
Governments around the world: oh, the citizens want something from us? They better get ready for PAPERS 📃
The year is 2022, ok¿13 -
"Stop spending so much time on the computer, there so much more to life than just a screen." ok mum.1
-
all of them. countless wasted hours.
as fate decided to turn me from $random-dev-geek into "the guy that calls the shots in tech", one of my earliest decisions was to automate formatting.
everywhere, automated at CI.
gofmt was an inspiration for the industry.
js?/ts? use prettier
C++? use ClangFormat
etc.
always default settings.
enforced by pre-commit hooks and CI.
never a single argument about bracket style, I don't care if someone likes single or double quotes better.
"fucks given" counter is fixed at 0.
everybody prefers it (ok, sometimes after a while sometimes)
of course there is still some more conventions to do for us humans.
IMHO the most critical ones.
like naming or even casing (camel, snake, kebab, - which one works where), but taking out most of the "so what" decisions takes discussions to a much more resonable level.6 -
Ok guys, since what Im using is a laptop with some low specs since Im too broke to even afford a new FM2+ motherboard to repair my desktop pc and have a little more raw power to use and make more fancy stuff, I wish to know if anyone here legit is interested in some Original content images that Im thinking in make just out of spite in the Zerg Rush of users spaming about F. Quantum and if its worth my already highly limited time just to get hopefully more ++ than my last AMD OC that pretty much noone cared about
6 -
Smartphone manufacturers these days, imagine how meetings to come up with ideas for new products go about.
Product manager :ok people,what can we do to make our next smartphone 'different'.
Employee 1: let's add more cameras
Employee 2:Let's kill the notch
Employee 3:Let's include the buzzword AI in all of our marketing
Employee 4:Let's put 8Gb of Ram in our phone
Employee 5:Let's just do all of those things and also give it a screen with a ridiculous aspect ratio and unnecessarily high resolution.3 -
So for the past 3 weeks I have been reporting that the development on X tickets has been completed and are deployed for testing.
Testers, fuck it we are not testing.
BA: yeah ok.
So nobody is testing.
And this Friday evening BA panics, starts emailing everybody, we need those items tested blah blah..
Now he is calling the testers over the weekend for testing 😂
And adds few more changes to requirements. (WTF)
Says:- He will also be testing over the weekend.
IT team :- Systems won't be working due scheduled maintenance. 😂😂 In your face BA
IT people best timing ever🤘
Hope he learns some prioritizing.3 -
We often rant about people who think that because we can program we can do everything with computers.
But I have to admit that when I get asked what I do I often only say that I program or do something with computers. I usually don't get more specific because it's so hard to explain to someone who doesn't know anything about the subject that I would have to explain the basics each time. And I'm just to lazy for that.
It's nice when people ask me how it is going at work but I probably won't say anything more than ok or fine because my day was fucked up by a memory alignment bug in the chainloader and I now don't have the patience to explain what these both things are and why they fuck up my day. -
Me in teacher office : for this course i want create awesome project.
Teacher : ok. I suggest you build something like uber.
Me : o_O
Teacher :I believe you.
you can totally handle it
Me : plzzz...as you lift me up, my fall will become more painful
I don't build it
[Unfortunately, that project was imposed on me and whenever I think of the scale of the project i look like this: ]
4 -
Manager: These estimates are wrong
Me: Why?
M: These shouldn't take too long
Me: Well you asked me to make those while I was busy with the mess design did.
Jr frontend: Manager is right. They shouldn't take too long.
*me knowing jr doesn't know the system nor coding standards*
Jr: I'll fix mine to get a more accurate estimation. Do you want me to do yours?
* Me thinking f*ck no*
Me: Just do yours.
M: Ok. Then we are settled.
He just wanted me to fit a 10 week project into 6 weeks while I carry the Jr and was complaining I didnt do it well.
Fml5 -
Ok I have been incredibly offended. So a classmate asked if I wanted to be a computer repairman when I grew up I yelled hell no and shes like but what will you do then with that useless knowledge? I just looked at her. But wait, there's more. My teacher took me to the principal for having my terminal open in linux. I then got yelled at for "hacking" and it took me forever to try and explain I wasn't but they didnt believe me. So I got yelled at for half an hour before school ended.2
-
Ok, so many people rant about windows update. It can fuck up things, starts unexpectedly (after 100 warnings and messages letting you choose when but ok) and it takes too long to update.
I use Windows daily so I update regularly and never takes more than 5 mins. 20 when its a major update twice a year. So let's talk about Linux.
Yesterday I wanted to try out .net core on Linux so I booted my antergos vm to do it. TLDR: Didn't do shut because, surprise, Linux updates.
So apparently I downloaded the wrong version of visual studio code. Uninstall and install the right one then. Nope, can't do that. Some dependency must be updated. That dependency is on the highest version on the AUR, I have to get a different one. Ok, no problem. But I can install the other because uninstalling the original breaks more dependencies. Well fuck then.
So I decided I'd do a full system update with pacman, shouldn't take long. 1.6gb worth of update. I have 200mb download so it should be fast right? Well, I had to wait a couple of hours.
So I couldn't do anything on my afternoon because of Linux updates. That's an original rant isn't it?
And before the comments get here, yeah I know it's arch, it's difficult and all that. This isn't about being hard to do. It's just annoying and making me lose time.3 -
Devops (By Azure) is so stupid.... (I won';t even start of YAML, it will be a 10pages rant).
me : Ok I have 5 projects, each has it's own Azure conexxion for deploy.
Me : Can I do just ONE shared connexion ?
Devops : Yes. You need to click 150 buttons and it's done !
Me : Ok. /* doing actions */
Me : Ok ready !
Me : Project 1 do your release pipeline !
project 1 : Sure, just wait 5 minutes.
5 minutes later
Project 1 : All good.
Me :Ok now sharing test ! Project 2 : do your pipeline !Project 2 : Sure ! It's strated !
Me : Ok I'll go take a beer
... 1 hour later..
Me : project 2 ? PROJECT 2??!!!
Me : fine... going into logs.
Message : You must accept the shared conexion from Project 1 before pipeline can run
Me : WTF ? I literally just SHARED it to project 2,3,4,5 !!!
Why that idiot check ?!
One thing is sure, I hate devops more than I hate JavaScript.5 -
Ok so we have 2 useless remote contractors in our team who got hired as seniors but actually are juniors. They take weeks to deliver most basic things and never ask for help or offer help for others. They take days to fix most basic comments after review.
Today our teamlead in a call said that it's a cultural difference, these guys dont ask for help because they are very independent.
MOTHERFUCKER, I WOULD BET MY SALARY THAT THESE IDIOTS DONT WORK EVEN 10 HOURS A WEEK.
I was doing more than them when I was a mere junior.3 -
was super tired yesterday and manager asked me if everything is ok, i ended up telling her way more than i should have about basically that I'm looking for other jobs... damn it why did i do that?!7
-
Client : you are hired as a developer.
Me : we need more developers as there's more work and less time.
Client : Ok, here's another dev
(Meanwhile me doing my work...)
ON THE DAY OF DEMO :
Me : Here's the demo.
Client: it's incomplete, where's more work?
Me: that's the part of 2nd dev you hired before
Client : I don't care, I fucking need a work!
Me inside: (Why the fuck would the first dev becomes a task/team manager just because is the first one to join the project! Arrrgh!!! Hire a fucking scrum master to manage your fucking tasks/team, am just a fucking dev! )6 -
Me: Runs Dedicated Server from home, cheap easier to admin and easy to keep up with upgrades and hardware for my needs.
UKWeather: HA ya I given you 3 good years of OK weather so now you have some super hot weather as I know your brits have no AC haha.
Me: Well darn (alt F4, shutdown - reason: Two Hot )
Time to drill holes move cables and relocate the server to a more cooler place in the home :P7 -
PO1: Hey, PO2 just told me that he experiences a lot of crashes in our iOS app!
Me: Whoa! The app hasn’t had any crashes since ages. The testers haven’t reported crashes either. (Me in panic mode). I will ask PO2 about some details about the crashes.
Me to PO2: So, can you please describe me when the crash happens?
PO2: (long story about error messages and UI quirks and how he force quits the app to make them disappear)
Me: OK thanks for that info. Those are definitely valid problems that we have not encountered yet. But none of them are crashes. So are there any other problems that cause crashes?
PO2: Yes and no. (Long story and more problems)
Me: ok we need to investigate that. But are there crashes?
PO2: (Something that doesn’t answer the question)
Me: I need to ask explicitly again: Are there actual crashes where the app closes itself automatically?
PO2: No, that has never happened.6 -
Convo I had 5 minutes with someone a just met at school
Them: what are you studying?
Me: computer science, what about you?
Them: so you know how to make websites?
Me: yea I have a couple years of experience in web dev but I like IT and automation more
Them: can I send you my white paper? Would u be ok with making a website for it?
Me: ....... potentially?
Thought it was weird they wanted me to do that for them when I just met them4 -
Checking Android Pie changes.
First frase:
"Android 9 harnesses the power of artificial intelligence to give you more from your phone. Now it's smarter, faster and adapts as you use it."
Ok... So all Android Pies will have the possibility of becoming self-aware? If they have A.I. ...2 -
Ok so apparently somebody at Google gcp thought it would be a great idea to be able to select more than one instance at a time and select something like delete and it goes ahead and deletes it without any sanity checks.
3 days down the tube5 -
Anyone draw out the logic of a process by hand before coding much?
I've been doing that more and more, and it's handy but ... it's also kinda tedious making them on paper or even just in the VS Code extensions I've tried.
I'd really like a way to bust out quick flow charts in VSCode and there's a Draw.io add on and it's ok but lotta fidgeting with flow chats and dragging stuff.
It doesn't have to be pretty and it doesn't have to be super feature rich.... just want to quick bust out a series of steps flow chart style or ... hell any way fast and visual like.
Anyone use anything they really like?11 -
I've only been here for 1 month for my new position in Ops, and I already miss software development!
All I do everyday is just typing commands on the terminal.
If I am feeling fancy, I may create a script or two (that's the closest thing I have to writing code).
I hope I can get more interesting thing to do in the future. If not I can't see myself doing this in long term. It's OK for occasional tasks or added responsibility but I don't want to do it as my main job.11 -
What a satisfying and yet freaking scary thing when you run
# git checkout -b feature/lostHoursWorkingOnThis
# git reset -- hard <commit from 3 months ago>
# git push upstream master --force
Just when you're at the final sign off of a major change and the business goes "nope, we want to make even more changes before we sign off ok this"
🤷♂️out of scope gone wrong!!
Well fuck you, I got shit to deploy, all this work can get out of my way! -
Do you think it’s appropriate to use the phrase "dried" in commit messages to refer to removing duplicate code? (DRY = don’t repeat yourself)
I just used it and I’m not sure if it’s ok because some devs might not understand it and the the original letters from DRY went away and became "dried" so it might be even more cryptic.
On the other hand it’s so much more concise having "dried type X" compared to "refactored the code so that it doesn’t contain duplicates of type X"14 -
Hmm... That's 2 yrs from now.. o.O
Mmm...ok... Keep the job, rewrite old crap (I mean code) I'm maintaining & rock at it..
Personal issues wise, get married get own flat/house & hopefully get back to climbing at least on weekly basis.. Ooh & maybe a doggo & kitteh.. xD
P.S. maybe find a phone that will outsurvive me.. or at least survive me for more than 3 months.. :/6 -
Heya devRant people, I haven't been here for a while so I think I may have lost the touch with my rants. But no matter.
Ok, here I go.....
FUCK NUGET AND FUCK VISUAL STUDIO, THE FACT THAT IT KEEPS REDIRECTING A REFERENCE TO THE FUCKING AZURE SDK IS PISSING ME OFF. EVEN MORE SO THAT WHEN I RENAME THE FUCKING .DLL ON THE AZURE SDK SO IT DOESN'T REFERENCE IT, IT JUST DOeS NOT FUCKING RECOGNIZE ANY FUCKING .DLL I POINT IT TO, EVEN IF THE PATH IS CORRECT.
FIX YOUR SHIT MICROSOFT.
(Sorry for caps, I'm just really frustrated.) -
So I am pissed on my company's polices or whatever for finding out things that I should be ethically or culturally prying in.
These people hired two JS developers (Beginner Level in front-end & JavaScript) &
Company asked me to interview them and I did but I was not satisfied with their interview and told HR about it.
But HR still decided to hired them both and asked me to mentor them.
To this extant I was OK. But I found out that both of them are being paid more than me.
How can someone with more experience and skill be treated like this. and also being asked to mentor juniors who don't event know about closure in JavaScript ?
I am going to ask my boss for a raise as per my skill, performance and responsibilities.7 -
Them: You have 6 days to build this frontend page for our wordpress site.
Me: Ok...
*proceeds to spend 4 days trying to arse my way towards a semi reasonable bootstrapped website based on the existing website's styling.*
Me: *Presents website*, so... uh... yeah, I don't usually do frontend stuff, I'm more of a backend dev, but here's what I could do.
Them: This looks like absolute horseshit.
Me: So what do you not like about it?
Them: All of it. It doesn't look anything like the wireframe that I gave you.
Me: Ok... So let me get this straight, you want it to look exactly like how you designed it in your wireframe? *wireframe looks like a child drew it*
Them: Yes! Is that so hard?
Me: I mean, it's a little hard. I'm not exactly a front end developer. Aside from that, I think this design is not very user-friendly.
Them: we don't care about your opinions, OP. Get back in there and make it look exactly like the wireframe.
Me: Ok.
*proceeds to go to fiverr, and contract someone else to do it for me while I get to do fun stuff in the back end.* 😂
----
We'll see what they think of the project when it gets back to me. Wish me luck guys.1 -
Today it is the day of:
"Ok just a few more changes and this thing is good to go. Let me just look at this for a bit to make sure the changes work and...."
And now I'm looking at some APIs spitting out garbage and somehow everything is working and I'm questioning if I know anything at all now :O1 -
"I need a way to create PDFs from word documents"
"OK, here's Cute PDF, just print to it"
"Great, how does this work with my pdf letterhead?"
"Oh, well that's different, we'll need to create a word template with the letterhead pieces from the PDF. Here you go."
"OK, how do I merge the word documents generated by my fuckmess of a CRM software system?"
"You can copy and paste it, or we can purchase this software for you that should be able to do it"
"Why didn't you install that software first? You guys are useless"
Alright buddy, fuck you too. I'll be sure to automatically assume that even though your initial email is a full, complete request, that there's more behind it and read your mind through the email going forward.1 -
I want to beat someone so bad right now. Guess I'll just do a heavy bench press later to release stress and anger 😤 well society. You can't just beat someone in a city because of laws. If we are alone in the desert then goodluck to him. So there's a reason on why I want to beat him so bad. 👊😡 sigh ok gotta practice more "mastering your emotions"
-
I really don't want to do adult shit tomorrow. I really hate mondays. Shit is slow af in the office since everyone is on meh mode.
Not only that but tomorrow I have to go on an 1 hour drive to the other campus (I work at a college) to ensure that one of our products is good to go (its not, but it aint my fault or the lead developer, shit is from a different era and the programmer that made it was beyond crappy...we have not been given time to update) and just.....just no ok?
I sometimes hate being an adult. Sure, its got some perks....the only thing that comes to mind is sex right now but I am sure there are more.
Just.....ok? -
My C# class loves to come up with weird/unrealistic scenarios to teach a specific language feature... I feel like the more effective way to teach would be to mention a real life scenario where it makes more sense to use the feature and give it some context rather than coming up with some arbitrary series of classes to represent departments and employees and then say "write extension methods for them to write them out"
If you tell me that I'm going to go, ok this works, but is there a specific reason I should do this instead of using a for or foreach to do the exact same thing? Don't get me wrong I see the appeal of extension methods as well as LINQ but this class never gives any sort of context as to why we're doing stuff. This class could be good, I've had classes that focus on language specific features taught in ways that make sense... My Java prof did a great job...
Also all the slides are terribly written...
Like I attached an example of the description for extension methods... The slides then go on to explain how the syntax for them works and gives an example...
Like ok I guess technically you told me what they are and how to use them, but gave zero context...
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I go to MSDN for their definition of extension methods, and it is much more clearly written and gives context to where/why they're used... and this is supposed to be a 5th semester course...
2 -
So I just had this thought that nlegs.com (NSFW) kinda feels like a test.
When I first found it, and it still is, the front-end/layout is basically a BootStrap grid.
It was super easy to scrape.
Then over time, the owner made small tweaks and changes which felt like "oh you guys are still here.... let's make it a bit harder and see who drops out next"
So it got more and more tricky to scrape or fool the site.
But it never became completely unfoolable. I figured if he signed up for Cloudflare, that probably make it impossible to scrape....
Well I was curious today so did a whois.... And one of the things it mentioned was Cloudflare...
So now I'm like.... Hmmm.... What???!!! Ok.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯10 -
(https://devrant.com/rants/1629853/...) An update to my rant.
So my cool team lead and a fellow dev are putting down their papers next week.So thats 3 folks out of your team of 5 leaving . Lets see how our manager handles this by hiring more underpaid interns half of whose work I did and ends up telling me its not "talent" that matters but your "Attitude" .Well fuck your attitude Mr.manager I've already got 3 offers.1 -
Relative phones up worried about installing Adblocker as it "can store and modify the websites you visit"...my answer.."so can GCHQ, NSA AND CIA so just give in to the fact that you have no privacy and click ok"...*long pause*.."ok one more question, what's a chrome extension?"..FML
-
Ok guys. Here’s a company who used to offer a slack alternative free and unlimited but now charges anywhere from 79 dollars to 100 to 790 dollars for the same product. Company is Ryver. I dare say they just pissed off tons of customers who loved them for their generous limits. The worst thing is is that if you already have more than 6 users from when they offered the generous free plan, they put you into READ ONLY even for existing members. I thought I’d share this corporate fuckery with people who care. Unless you have tons of cash to burn, don’t try their product. Thanks for reading.3
-
Good oop is hard to implenent and keep track off in my experience.
I have seen projects so hard which have such large hierarchies and reused components that even the most minimal change breaks an entire change. Dependency injection is a pretty cool tool to use, but I have seen more people fuck it up and make something that supposedly removes tightly coupled components be the extreme opposite.
Remember your basics people. Fuck
Ok everything is good now. Happy thoughts...nuthing but happy thoughts16 -
Outlook - " You have many duplicated contacts. Want to merge ?"
Me - ( inside mind thinking .... wtf, there are no duplicate contacts ) Ok do it.
pressed 'merge' for every contact ( Yeah, 'merge all' wasnt even there. Fucker designed the application which ask user to merge every contact, one by one ).
End Result - Brain Fucking piece of shitty microsoft' outlook android application, created 5 duplicates of all the contacts. Cant be more happy. Now i have 1000 contacts.
Microshit at its best again
Microshit managed to keep my trust on its products. Always, performs like Tatti ( Shit in hindi )
Edit - A wise man honoured Microshit with 'Macroshit'1 -
Fuck, I want to report a bug to KDE, but the more I think of it the more it looks like it's someone who implemented the shit.
It's a feature!
For some fucking reason KDE launcher overrides the commands from one of my programs with its shortcut entries. That's mostly OK.
Now, the problem is that if for some reason the shortcut goes broken, KDE makea sure it is stores in some sort of database, so that even if you delete it from the disk you will still have a broken link overriding the real command.
Until here it's OK. The thing is that, if you delete the shortcut , you will be prompted with a message showing its contents, asking if is it secure to launch the corresponding shortcut?
I'm like, what? Man I deleted the file, there's no shortcut anymore, just let it go and show me the original command.
why would I want you to store previously deleted shortcuts so you may make sure I launch my programs through them?
PS: forgot to tell the whole problem started from a bug in another program, which for some nonsensical reason creates shortcuts calling system commands through itself rather than just calling them out. The result is that once this program is removed all the shortcuts it created no longer work. -
Anyone looked at / using Jetbrains new font?
I mean it's... ok, I guess, but I'm still sticking with what I know (Droid Sans Mono being my particular weapon of choice.) I'm probably more likely to switch languages than I am fonts.
https://www.jetbrains.com/lp/mono/22 -
When you are creating a tool for a direct client that has no idea about development. She asks you to develop a tool to open a log file and format in a specific way inside Excel.
Ok, this is simple. In about 4 hours I can do that. After delivery and the client has tested, they answer: "Oh, it's working fine. You just forgot to include Y".
Of course Y were not in the initial scope. They supposed it was as it would makes sense to them, but at first they just asked a tool open a log. Ok, not a problem, I will implement it.
Weeks after implementation they answered it was not working with another specific file format (from a not industry default tool), but they have this client and my code should work with it too.
Ok, let's implement that. I had to change some functions and with some extra hours I could make it work. Once more, after delivery, they said the tool has to use a specific formatting for this file extension, that was not only different to the others, but I had to rewrite the entire code to make it work.
At least they paid me some extra hours...4 -
Software project in technical college:
Expectation: Ok guys, we have about one month to finish our project. We have a lot of stuff to do, so let's start right away.
Reality: So we have one more day until the project needs be submitted. Hmmm... I guess we're going to start by tomorrow. -
Holly fucking crap
After my review meeting on friday last week this morning was called again by our technical manager, accounts manager and sales manager set e down
TechManager: Ok so after our meeting we deliberated with the rest of the management board
and we decided to add more responsibility to your plate
AcManager: yeah we feel that you can be of assistance to the organization
TechManager: Yeah our technical department is short stuffed and since you also do technical stuff we want you to also be taking charge of the department whilst I'm not in the office...
But we have some areas we are not happy and those areas will need to be improved on
any questions?
Me: No
(thinking: ok this is an opportunity for me to ask for a raise )1 -
FUCKING SOURCETREE!!!!!!! HOW THE FUCK DO U MANAGE TO BREAK YOURSELF MORE AND MORE...
Got a new PC so had to reinstall and apparently there's a new version, new UI/UX.... works ok... fine... :(
Now after some autoupdates the Bitbucket URL isn't recognized and I need to get a new repo....
I copy the URL (sourcetree://...) from the button but then ST complains some stupid HTTPS SSL cert error..... FUCK!!!
Tried IE, doesn't recognize the URL....
Last resort... I look at the URL itself...
hm.... points to a *.git file
Ok lets use git shell on another repo and get the remote address...
ssh://git@....
FUCK U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAD TO MANUALLY REVERSE ENGINEER AN SSH URL BECAUSE U CANT WORK WITH URSELF...10 -
- Ok so today you're going to install MS SQL Server 2014, import this database, and make it show up through a crossed dynamic table.
- Excuse me sir, can I commit suicide now or should I wait a little bit more? -
Ok devRantia. I have a pretty important question. I need project experience and I have zero ideas. Also i'm 14 and can't exactly be reputable enough to land a freelance job om upwork. I am trying to build a good portfolio so that universities or companies will take me a little more seriously when I apply. Any ideas on how to go about this or some projects for me to do?10
-
Im ok with working for your startup for 2 years for peanuts. Im ok filling in 5 other types of jobs on the way while u still fucking micromanage everything, rendering all designers useless and making them leave after a few months. Im ok telling u its ok when u say u know how hard it is to keep going cause im such a positive team player. Im ok buying my own computer cause u r too cheap to buy a device that can run fucking Safari. Im ok working day and night for years carrying your company on a promise that when u sell i wont be forgotten. Im even ok with new people making way more than me from the new investment for which i worked my ass off for years, almost burning myself out. But if you sell the company for big money and get rich without even telling me, I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
p.s. true story, second employee, got taken advantage of heavily. still working there acting like im not in the know, waiting for next move.4 -
Fuuuuuuuuucking hell. I have a program that parses and generates information from shit I have in a database into a csv file. Shit was simple enough to be done in Python.
Trying to present that shit into fucking pdf files? without drawing shit on x,y coordinates like a retard or without downloading a fucking obscure number of bs shit into the computer? on a fucking WINDOWS machine? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Ok no problem. Do it in Node. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK more bullshit with drawing shit line by line. fuck this.
Lol not even going to touch java or c# for this, this is quick.
mmmh perl? nah, php? nah
Well shit I just need to generate data from a csv into a html template and send it away as a docume....go? ok lets....ah....done
Go wins again in my book ladies and gentlemen
It even has fewer lines of code than the php experiments8 -
ok so basically i have 2 emails x and y.
one is an appleId other is a personal email.
but turns out some other person p is using an appleId with my personal email from a year.
here is a fun fact, i created that email id this month.
apple engineers have taken a week and asked for a week more to figure out how an unverified email is used to create appleId6 -
If I have to listen to one more trendy, simplistic, shallow, preppy pop song I'm going to snap and beat the living tar out of whatever happens to be in swinging range.
...ok, I won't. But man I'll be tempted.3 -
When you get that customer's customer who forgets what the email is about:
-customer's customer was complaining they couldn't see a thing on some website-
Me: "That reference number didn't work... can you give me another reference number or something that might help find the thing?"
Customer's Customer: "I'm sorry but you're going to be more specific, I can't help you without a reference number."
-It appears customer's customer thinks I'm asking them for help now... let's see if...-
Me: "Never mind, close ticket."
Customer's Customer: "Ok!"
-me closes ticket-
┐(´ー｀)┌3 -
Old boss: Can you tell me why we need to purchase Mac?
Me: Because we are all using Mac in HK and UK offices and we can share the company license
Old boss: Why can't we just purchase the software license in Windows?
Me: Because it is expensive, and the total cost will be much more than purchasing the Mac alone
Old boss: I still don't understand why we need to purchase Mac.
Me: Ok. (Walked away with approval form. Finally got the approval from UK office)
My old boss was the only person that using Windows!!3 -
I've been creating my Typescript/C# projects using SOLID principles. Whenever someone randomly joins me in my projects at work, i feel they need a lot of help. Specially since they know programming, but are not familiar with SOLID.
Like ohhh ok you created a base class for that, or ohhh that method already exists in the base class sorry i've implemented it again, or ohhhh ok you already implemented this method in that class.
The more classes i create the more complicated it becomes, sometimes for me too!
I feel I have to write a documentation for the code I write just to keep up with the different, but code changes/augments so writing a doc is really time consuming.
However if i didnt create base classes or interfaces it would be less complicated to browse through method definitions.
I am happy with the code like that though, but in some specific times it's a pain in the ass.
Comments?2 -
So yesterday i upgraded the packages on my pi, docker being one of them. After that all my containers were down and couldn't be restarted. The error message said the container was already started...
Using the internet i found out other people had that problem too after upgrading to docker 18.02. I ended up removing all containers and searching the bash-history for the docker-run-commands to create new containers.
DOCKER, LISTEN UP. YOU'RE COOL AND SAVED ME A LOT OF TIME. YOU HAVE MINOR ISSUES, BUT THAT'S OK. BUT IF YOU CRASH MY CONTAINERS ONCE MORE I'LL GO CAPTAIN AHAB ON YOU.
Oh, and some more armhf-containers would be nice. WHY CAN I ONLY RUN DOCKER-REGISTRY ON AMD64-ARCHITECTURE? -
Okay so one of my friends got an offer for a more powerful server with 128GB RAM, ok processor because the current server load is high. When they got the offer of the new one I saw there was in the licenses part, Windows Server 2016. Which to me seems worst thing you can do for just using PHP, MySQL and nothing active directory or really windows specific. Can some of u please write in short why use linux for servers instead of shitdows. And it would clearly cost much less. Because I guess if other tell it they, the client, will agree...16
-
Me : So cool ! My new graphQL APIs are working so good !
Also me : ‘order by <text field> take 50 skip 10000’
Me : Hmmmm.. 2.3 SEDCONDS ?! WTF. Let’s add an index !
SQL : Sorry bro, can’t add index on nvrachar(max).
Me: OK. Here you go, you are nvrachar(128) now. Add my index !
SQL : Ok
GraphQl :<same query > Here : 90 milliseconds
Me : ‘order by <text field> desc take 50 skip 10000’
GraphQL : Sorry bro : 3 seconds. (Yes, slower than without any index)
Me : Do I fu7cking need to manually add ASC and DESC indexes ? WTF IS GOING ON !
I should’ve learnt a bit more about databases. ☹. And now I don’t have time to refactor a prod database as “needed” .
/me needs to buy DB audit. Company is still a bit small to have a DBA full time.6 -
Ok so I had a phone interview with a start-up for an internship and didn't get a call, for like a week(actually more) but today they called and wanna meet me tomorrow for work. Problem is, I fucked up my sleep cycle, big time. I hope me requesting to meet them at 7pm won't cause a problem!
-
Me yesterday:
"I think I've been too harsh on desktop Linux. Maybe I'll give it one more shot. Ok, debian 9 looks decent."
- Unetbootin fails to recognize usb drive
"Hmmm ok. I'll use ether to to put the iso directly on the drive."
- Bios requires disabling of secure boot
"Uhhh..I guess I'll just disable it in the bios."
- Debian fails to configure network
"Lol fuck this."4 -
Ok.... why doesn't this come in an ISO... or a more straightforward downloader.... WTF!
I just want core and maybe C++.... and it's for a future install.... I have 2015... not gonna upgrade til I have to upgrade Windows or get a new PC... Was just planning to save it on my external HDD...
6 -
My laptop just went through a BSOD and I've been noticing a noise from the hard disk even before the BSOD. Dump says the process that failed is ntoskernel. That's no help.
SMART test said hard disk state as OK but crystaldiskinfo says the following which confused me even more. Is it supposed to be this way?
7 -
Fuck FE development. Tweaking or adding some stuff is OK, but making the whole FE from zero is a pain for me. Vanilla JS is OK, but I need to use Angular, which I don't know how to use properly. Generally, right now I find FE as a big confusing mess... Why Angular? Because fuck React - it is even more confusing. I just can't keep all these things in my head... You want to add something? Fine, add a dependency, import, export it, import again, that shit does not work alone, so you import another shit... IDE says it's all good, look it's up and running! But you open the app and it's not even loading because of errors. Another module missed, ffs. IDE can't really save you here, sigh...
I am a BE dev, I am straight out bad at FE. I don't hate FE, but I hate that I am forced to do it and I need to do it fast, without having time for learning it.
Ughh... I feel somewhat better now :\ Now back to making there modules work...13 -
I just blew up at my boss again.... I'm doing something and then he asks about including a new feature and figure out if it's doable. A quick question is ok but an analysis of a new feature.... NOT WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF RESOLVING A MORE IMMEDIATE ISSUE.
OPEN A FUCKING JIRA, SEND ME AN EMAIL, AND I'LL TAKE A LOOK ONCE I'M DONE WITH WHATEVER I M DOING.8 -
I work on an webapp that should manage a huge ton of data, and some page needs to display a big part of them.
On this page, we had some checkboxes lists to display, so even more data. One of them wasn't behaving correctly tho, so we ask the support was could be the problem.
Answer : It might have too much data to display.
No shit Sherlock.
Answer : Please provide us a lighter version of it.
Ok, I'm gonna do a lighter version with a very few data so you can test a situation we will never encounter. Thanks ! -
So today my colleague is installing new dependency to our react native project and do something cool with it.
Him: I already push it in new branch and make a pr, would you review and merge it to master.
Me: ok let me try first.
.
.
Me: it is not working, i get this error.
Him: try change these xxx in xcode.
Me: ok, wait.
.
.
Me: now I get this error
Him: hmm... Try 'react-native link xxxx'
Me: ok
.
.
Me: I get same error like first error.
Him: now try 'react-native unlink xxxx'
Me: hmm... Wait.
.
.
Me: I still get same error, what's wrong?
Him: I don't know, it's working in my mechine .
*Me 'git reset - - hard' and try to build again.
**After building
Me: hey it's working after I git reset lol.
Him: nice
Me: let me clone it and try 1 more time.
*after cloning and building
.
.
Me: I still get same error like 1st error hahaha.
Him: so try to 'react-native link xxx' again.
Me: OKkK
.
.
Me: still get same error
Him: try git reset and build again
Me: hmm
.
.
*after git reset and build again
Me: I still get same error. I think the correct steps is :
1. Clone
2. Do something in xcode
3. React native link
4. React native unlink
5. Git reset - - hard
6. Build
I can't stop laughing 😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂 -
1. Find a function: getDayDiff(d1, d2)
2. d1 and d2 are momentjs dates.
3. See that function performs complex ancient math rituals and then returns an integer
4. Try to rewrite function, return d2.diff(d1, 'days')
5. Should be OK right? Run tests
6. Whole module melts down. WTF?!
Turns out the math performed returned the difference + 1 because it included the current day which moment's diff() function does not (out of the box).
Processes that depended on this function then uses the result like this:
const diff = getDayDiff(d1, d2)
if (diff-1 == should_match) { /* more fun logic */ }
$ git checkout .
$ run-shutdown-script-because-fuck-you2 -
How we devs hate getting humiliated on stack overflow when we don't get the answer and someone make us feel stupid for even posting the question.
How we also secretly wish for that validation and feel proud when there are more likes on our questions.
No? Just me? Ok cool 👍5 -
I got the Aero15. Had to send it in because ctrl+alt+shift+s (IntelliJ Preference menu) and some others critical shortcuts weren't working. Got a reply a week later.
"Thank you for using our service. The explained fault isn't actually a fault. If you want to use that button combination simply remap the FN key. Mind you this will disable any FN key combinations."
....
"What about all the other combinations?"
....
"Ok we returned it to the technicians who will do their best to repair it."
....
I await their response. But seriously, for a company that makes GAMING keyboards this is pretty embarrassing. I'm surprised it hasn't gotten more attention. -
Ok I can imagine that being premium uses more ram cuz the offline content won't be handled magically.
But still... I don't like how it looks like 🤣
1 -
I work on a small team, and we recently got an artist on it.
The artist has lights on, but nobody is home syndrome and it is driving me nuts.
This guy took 10 iterations on a model where the main request was to fucking change the fucking UV mapping. Here is how that went in a nutshell:
1. Hey, the model is ok, the guy needs a cape with some bones in it. The cape needs to share the material, here is the material, cape already on it. We also need like 8 animations.
1a. No cape visible, animations half done, and done shitty.
2. Correct the animations and all the above points asap. Ok?
2a. Few more animations 1 half corrected wrong, wonky exports. Has cape
3. Again, same.
3a. I got the wrong corrections, cape doesn,t move. Uv wrong and seperate material. Aaaarrrggg
It litterally took 7 more of those loops and now we have it going in 1 material and 5 wonky but workable animations. And the next character half of the same shit happens all over again. Fuck me, fuck him. Fuck this, i hate artists. I made a fucking list what is so hard?!2 -
nested ternary operators
like/dislike?
I used to hate them cuz I would have to break them apart just to understand them, but now I use ternary operators so much, nesting at least one level is ok for me.
but i'm the only person that reads my code, what's the concensus.. nesting one level bad?
I wouldn't want someone reviewing my code if they couldn't wrap their head around a simple ternary, so if only myself or people more experienced than myself will ever read them, then fuck it, i'm using them10 -
[Conference Call on Project Launch]
🤡: we just came up with an extra list of features to add to the system
🙊: but we just finished the system and it is ready on UAT server to sign off
🤡: we want these features, they are essential for a better backend admin experience
🤡: and we have been working on this project for almost a year!! we need these features and launch now!
🙊: (well, it took you guys six months to sign off on the initial graphics designs...) can we first launch what we have on UAT site first as they have been sitting here waiting for your approval
🤡: ok. i will test them and provide feedback. if it’s all good, then you can launch it.
🙊: ok. we will do another set of UAT after launch for your new features.
🤡: ok. i will let you know when we can launch the current UAT.
[Two weeks later]
🤡: #%^#*+!! why are the new features not on the UAT site yet!! why are there no changes after two week!! we cannot accept more delays! really need to launch asap!
🙈: 🖕🏽2 -
A little story which happened my SECOND day on the floor after getting hired to do customer-facing phone support for my current job (can't mention the name, NDA). Customer from Detroit calls in:
Me: "Thank you for calling (company), my name is Guru, how can I assist you?"
C: "Uhhh, yeah. I need to get back into my ID. I can't backup my tablet or phone, and y'all are kinda holding my data host-" <Loud gunshots>
C: "oh! Shit!" <sound of running feet>
Me: "Everything OK sir?"
C: "Fuck! Naw! Hang on!" <more running, jumps a fence, skids to a stop>
C: "Ok, I'm safe, I'm safe... So what I gotta do to get y'all to let me back into my shit?"
*MUTE* Me: "First of all, what the fuck are you doing on the phone with me when you should be either A) calling the cops because, I dunno, just maybe some trouser stain is attempting to kill you, or, B) FIRING BACK, MOTHERFUCKER!!"
*REAL* Me: "OK, first you gotta… (outlines step 1,2,3... etc)
C: "OK, that sounds easy enough. I'll try it when I get to the office, I'm on my way there now- shit. Hold on again..."
(talking to someone on the street): "what, him? That dude? Over there? That dude... In the shirt?What the fuck!? Are you sure? Hold on, sir! I'ma call you back..."
Last thing I hear before the line lets go is a large BOOM!
Sometimes it's best to just sit back and sip your coffee...6 -
So after working on a website for like a month to make it kinda pixel perfect in every resolution on every device the web designer just tells me "ok, you should move this whole thing up 30px"
Ok, no problem, I change the CSS for that div and make it all go up 30px
The very next day he tells me the while thing is fucked up and not aligned any more
I mean, is was all the same as before, nothing changed! -
Me: Ok lets focus on my games dev kit, just got the hang of UI using GML and things are going well...
Also me: Oh look, Udemy have some decent courses goig for $18 AUD... Guess im learning Xamarin and more of unity!1 -
Why does every Monitor with a high resolution have such a wide format, like 16:9 or worse? As a developer i need more vertical than horizontal space. 9:16 is ok for coding but too small for anything else. I want a Monitor which is 2:3, 3:4 (rotated 3:2 or 4:3) or 1:1 and has at least 1920x2560. The better the resolution the more lines can i see at once. I can't make the text smaller than 10 pixel per line.
Do you guys have the same problem?12 -
So my company has 2 different apps that work using the same API located on 2 different servers.
I mistakenly uploaded both apps to the store with the same server reference.
QA tester alerts me on this issue.
Boss: hey, I the tester said both apps works with server1, ask her more info
Me: (what extra info should I need? I've already been told what's the issue in details, so what's the point?) ok, will do.
Me to QA: hey, do really both apps work on the same server?
QA: yeah
Me to QA: ok, will fix
What the fuck have I accomplished by asking the QA team about it?1 -
I made 3 designs (more like proof of concepts) 2 months ago for a certain feature request.
2 months ago:
I presented to the CTO & CEO and the senior developer.
Senior developer prefers design A
CTO prefers design A with some very minor changes
CEO prefers design C with some major changes (ok, at this point is it more design D)
CTO & senior dev tried to argue for his idea but gave up.
So we decide to implement Design D
Now:
Customers complained that the designs is not clear (UX-wise)
CEO: "I have the idea to make some adjustments" and explained design A.
This happens pretty much for every other feature request since I started doing designs for new features. Previously they implemented it without designs.4 -
Not using all my time. I really don’t apply myself sometimes. Sometimes that means not using work time efficiently, sometimes that means I get stuck on a simple problem for too long because I don’t think through it. Also, I’m trying to love coding more. It takes a lot of code to get a small result sometimes, and that’s ok. I got hooked on being able to do big things with little code from the start. As we get better we know there’s more that can be done, but we are more familiar with just how much work it really is. At the same time we are more capable than ever of doing it. Just gotta embrace the suck, then love your finished product.1
-
OK I'm getting real tired of people posting stuff about Net Neutrality on here, as we all know about it at this point.
The one thing that gets me more angry is that these people get it wrong.
People look at this Net Neutrality thing and instantly think: "Oh, well, I would have to pay more. That's bad."
What it really is is that your ISP can see what you have been searching and would be allowed to send that information to a third party, or change the speed of your internet if you search something their sponsors don't like.
This is what you should be worried about. Your privacy, not your wallet.5 -
Ok. Vim is absolutely brilliant. But sublime in vintage mode ( sublime text with some of the vim capabilities ) is more brilliant. Today I just found out that this code editor (sublime) has this feature implemented and I'm happier than ever. I will use both of them and I won't need any over text editor ( although I have to try to emacs and spacemacs ).10
-
Mom: Cool! I need a webshop!
Dad: hah OK, I still make more money then you though.
Little brother: MAKE ME A GAME!
Girlfriend: You only play ping-pong and drink coffee all day! -
Don't remember who recommended me wes bos, but generally it's ok, you do learn a lot, even things not directly mentioned in the usual tutorials, but the amount of mistakes he makes, makes it look like hes just started learning it himself and now tries to just quickly shoot out a course out thin air to just bust some more money up his pocket2
-
Ok I take back what I said about Mac OS being fairly light weight, that thing is more fucking RAM hungry than chrome with 40 tabs...6
-
A colleague changes the location of a test helper file imported in a bunch of tests. Doesn’t bother to check where that file is imported (except where he’s specifically using it himself).
As a result good dozen tests fail later on. The culprit doesn’t realize. And the rest of us have no clue why.
Multiple people are asked to look into why the tests are failing.
"Ok, who’s working on what?
We’ll create a shared document to track who’s working on what test."
Document is created, people get assigned.
"Hold on, looks like it’s just a faulty import." "Oh yeah same here." "Yeah for me as well."
"Ok we could simply appoint one person to fix all the imports."
"Well I’ve already gone ahead and opened a pull request to fix the test I was appointed to."
"Ah ok, well who can take care of the rest?"
"Wait I also opened a PR."
"Ok so I guess we can each open a PR?" "No we can just have a single branch we can all push to".
"Sure, who’s branch are we using"
"You can use the branch of my PR"
"Guys let me handle this, it’s ridiculous for us to all be doing this separately."
"You’re right, go ahead".
——
The culprit? A senior dev.
What would have literally taken a minute to do (or even no time at all with proper use of the IDE) turned into hours of wasted time. People getting interrupted, having to drop what they were doing to fix the consequences of this guy’s laziness (seriously don’t know what else to call it).
Ok maybe our reaction could have been more efficient, but we never should’ve even gotten to that point in the first place.2 -
Ok, so you can add another CPU for more redundancy and security. Safety PLC's do that. But the one which takes the cake is definitely Pilz. The ended up using three of the same CPU in one controller. Does that at that point really increase failsafe performance or is it just overengineering for getting a certification?6
-
Is it a bad sign when after an interview they say they have more candidates and that they'll get back to me after?
I need to prepare better for next time, will be ok5 -
Thinking about perhaps doing a Linux From Scratch. Never done anything like it but feels like it would be a good way to learn more about how Linux actually works. Do you think it's a good idea for someone like me with an ok understanding of Linux but only on a "user level", or should I start somewhere else?9
-
OK. So you task me with a project with incomplete requirements. I probe for more details and submit my design based on that. Then I learned that the incompetent bunch you've hired as support and devs cannot fill a proper documentation request right and they STILL have details untold, and now I have to change my design again. But yes, Its totally my fault. I am such a bad system designer am so deserving of a bad performance review.2
-
Colleague: "My client says asp.net is more secure and has a better performance compared to php"
Me: "Hmm ok. But it all comes down the implementati..."
Him: "hE waNtS AsP.neT nOt PhP"1 -
Decided on Acer Swift 3. Will be getting it soon. 14", i5-8250U, Nvidia MX150 2GB, 4GB DDR4, SSD 256GB. Added another 4GB. Final at $642.
Frankly speaking I am more of an ASUS fan. My potato used to be an apple in good old days and lasting for almost a decade is something I am very proud of it. I will still be using it as a backup PC at my home.
First ever laptop was an Acer and it was ok but didn't have fond memories since it didn't even last for 4 years 😐 Hope Acer has improved their quality in this 9/10 years time. 🤞4 -
My advice: simply code and work out things on the fly.
You will maybe need to rewrite something, but thats ok. The more you do on the fly, the better!5 -
Ok so I had to make a revision on a PDF with JS that was being tested to fix some bugs, I hadn't touched it or Acrobat Reader for more than a month I think but I could work on it well back then.
I had to see the problem first so when I go and open it with Adobe Reader, it crashes. Weird. I can't get it to work.
Well I'm reinstalling it then.
After downloading the (now correct, I tried to use an old one I had and lost some time) installer, I tried to install it and it asked me to close Outlook and Excel. Weirder.
I do, and after finishing it said "you have a newer version, open it?". Super weird. Of course when I accepted it didn't work.
I uninstall my current installation and while uninstalling it asks me to close Chrome. Ok now I'm not ok with this shit.
Adobe wtf?
I needed to fix it in some minutes and it ended up taking hours.4 -
It's an oldie, but 1 of my favs :
QA expert decides to go out and have some fun. He walk for a whle spots a random bar and gets inside. After a solid 10+ minutes just looking critically arrond he dicides to stay. Goes to the barplot and orders :
- One beer por favor!
- Here you go - says the barman and continues his job. The man drinks it up quickly and orders again :
- 3 more beers ahora mismo!
- Enjoy - says the barman while serving them.
a few moments later...
- Hey barman, last order and we can round the night up, what ya say?
- ok - simply replies the barman.
- -5 beers! -
Times are so different. Especially don't shoot the messenger. Ha, fuck that. Shoot him on sight. That dude can think for himself if it's OK to deliver the message right?
Sadly, the messengers are protected by 'freedom to speech'. More like 'freedom to propaganda' these days.
This is not only dev related. It's 42 related7 -
You know I don't want to hate everyone
Since you guys seem so intentionally narrating ok fucked up mindsets you all apparently create in your psycho offspring
Wouldn't it make more sense to put this suppose duplicate who is like allof you creatures in this ?
Unless I'm gonna be contracted to remove people who do these awful things it's a waste of time really8 -
Ok, you have 4 weeks design time and no more do you understand? Yes. 1 day of design time left, after 2 rounds of feedback...'Hey, we've drawn up a layout of what structure we'd like the site to have after actually thinking about it, can we try it like this?'
-
Any cool buttons and inputs CSS library?
I just need cool / elegant / nice buttons and inputs. If it has some image niceties or something else it's ok.
I did little Googling, ngl; I'll look a bit more later in the day, but I figured maybe someone here may have something interesting to comment.8 -
That moment that you realize that you have more experience than your college teacher...
Me: Can you tell me why a tail recurcive function in a functional programming language the stack and memory do not increase?
Teacher: I don't know what is a tail recursive function...
Me: Ok....
I feel like I am wasting time... -
Teacher : So today we'll study Dynamic programming.
In DP we solve the problem LCS.
Student : Ok one more algorithm atleast I'll improve my algorithms.
Teacher : (after 10 minutes) so this is how we make the table and find the solution. Now let's move to another topic
-- End of Dynamic Programming --
@algorithms_in_india6 -
Umm ok devRant!!!
Frist when I saw that on someone's profile, I was like, man they are god damn great!!
But then I saw them on some more profiles and thought I might be a bug, only to realise that its 1st of April!!
PS: look at the number of ++s;
2 -
Task: can you copy this sharepoint reactjs webpart to some other site.
Me: ok
Piece if shit webpart won't event build and my vs code is blood red from errors.
The project got gangbanged by 4 more people before being passed down and no one knows wtf is going on.
Fuck sharepoint, most shity ass piece of crap on the planet 🌏1 -
Why do you lil' shits keep making LAYERS and LAYERS of unnecessary abstraction and then call it goddamn progress???
Dude what the fuck is this UEFI shit?!
Why the hell do I NEED to import a frigging library and read tons of boring and overly complicated documentation just so I can paint a pixel on the screen now uh??
Alright alright yeah so the BIOS is a little basic but daaaamit son if you want something a bit more complicated you make it yourself or install an OS that provides it! Like we've been doing it for years!!!
Dude, you don't get to know what a file system is until I tell you!
The PC be like:
"You wanna dereference the 0x0 pointer? There you go: it's 0xE9DF41, anything else?
You wanna write to the screen? Ok I have a perfectly convinient interrupt setup for that.
Wanna paint a pixel yellow? Ok, just call this other interruption. Theere we go.
And it only took four bytes and a nanosecond to do it."
That shit works, and if you want something more complex, but not too much, that still runs efficiently install DOS.
Don't mess around with the hardware pleeease.
We can still understand what's going on down there. Once UEFI steps in, it'll be like sealing a door forever. Long live BIOS damn it all!1 -
Today was my first day at work, as an intern. I'm doing it as a volunteer though. My school is not accept internship before passing the 3rd year... I have a mixed feelings about this. Like am I doing good working as a volunteer or will it be ok, because there are some other interns too, and as you can guess, they've already assigned some works before I accepted. Should I go for it, or leaving and waiting next year and gain more knowledge before the job ?1
-
"Ok. I need to gather a bit more information to pinpoint the cause. When you say it is not working, how precisely is it not working? Does the program not open at all? If it does open, is there a specific action that you can do to reliably cause it to fail? Is it not working on only one computer, or is it failing on all computers?"
"When you click the icon it say to call support"
1 -
OK, I've got a couple customers I provide e-mail hosting for, but recently it's been...more trouble than it's worth, to put it simply. I'm looking to offload that part of what I do onto another service.
Does anyone have any recommendations for e-mail hosting services? Bonus points if they have good customer support.3 -
When all the feedback you get from a damned class diagram was "Ok looks good :)"
Not sure if good because it doesn't look like a complicated cobweb anymore or because the relationships established were right - though I doubt you can say that just by looking for a mere 30 seconds at a class diagram with more than 20 classes. -
We met initially to discuss the requirements of the customer.
The customer had argued for hours in a damn video meeting with our boss, who apparently didn't know how to keep updated notes throughout the meeting.
The result of this meeting to discuss what the customer wanted:
He presented us with a 'spec' and a 14 hour video and said 'ok. so figure it out'.
This led to more meetings as I am not going to sit on my ass for 14 hours listening to people contradict themselves constantly.3 -
Ok so this is more like a question than a rant
Have you ever gotten to close to your boss and how did it turn out for you?
Currently im as close as you can get without marrying her but we have trouble separating work from our private life...
Any advice or stories that you can share would be much appreciated1 -
Friday morning's meeting:
CTO: Ok guys, deadline is next Friday so today we close the last big issues and next week no more new features, only bug fixing.
Monday morning's meeting:
Business: So here is the new mock-up for the search feature (basically they changed the whole behavior).
😐1 -
Ok, let's put some repo on gitlab, create a new branch to make some awesome features, push a lot of commits over that branch. From the website make some changes, in same files, similar in the position of line of code, but in master, you remember your awesome work, let's. Make a merge, wait there's a conflict, let's solve this, you lost some lines of code after merge, ok let's try with rebase, oh lord, the same result, what to do, what would you do? I've not more ideas 😑2
-
Why is Arch User Repository considered as a strong point for Arch and Arch-based distros? is it more reliable than the way Ubuntu manages packages? is it ok to trust some guy that made a version of a program you need to run? why most of the programs that have a linux version are only available for Debian/Ubuntu, Fedora (made by their own developers)?13
-
Back to work from a week on holiday. Find out that both mine and my girlfriends companies have announced redundancies on the same day (completely unrelated companies in different fields). We've both made it through the first round ok (which is more than some so massively grateful) but we are still at risk of loosing our jobs. We have some savings to fall back on but that will only cover rent for so long. Never underestimate how quickly things can go to shit.
-
ORM feels like, I can do better than that, with more predictability (like naming, table creation, and stuff).
The only pro, is hopes for inter-dialects interop (SQLite-Postgres-MySQL-MariaDB).
OK, I also want SQLite-MongoDB interop, because of the cheap price; but this is difficult. -
Ok, about to graduate as a system developer.
I wan't to become a great developer first and later on in my career switch focus more into scrum master -> product owner.
What should I think about when choosing my first job?1 -
I'm doing the recommended math tasks. Since I can't trust the prof's solutions (he does errors here and there), I watch YouTube videos, Khan Academy videos, compare the results of the prof with the results of online step calculators such as wolfram alpha and find new rules I've never heard of before.
The prof doesn't really comment every step about why he's doing what. He just provides the solution and I have to reverse engineer from his solution up to the original state of the equation. Repeating the same procedure for the online calculator results as well.
I have to say that "Oh, boy, did I learn so many valuable things..." Stuff that I should have learned when I was at least doing my A levels (Abitur).
It is as if I am opening the gates to a new world. Not even exaggerating. Ok, maybe a bit. Ok, maybe a bit more, but no bit more than that.9 -
Someone asked me to check on his Wordpress site. Can't upload media. 'Failure to write to disk' Updating fails too. Directory and file permissions are ok. Server has enough space. Cleared tmp. Any more ideas?8
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Being asked to build a website in a few days built specifically for a PowerPoint plugin that uses an IE emulator being shown in a slideshow at a remote site that your IT policy does not allow you to install in order to test - ok fine, annoying but fine.
Having to use someone taking a video of the site in the Powerpoint on a TV Screen to make changes... ok more annoying.. but whatever...
Having to work with a 14page branding guideline document to add images for a sponsor to a Powerpoint website that you cannot directly test.... erm...this is kinda awkward...but I guess...
Finding out the team you're working with has their own designer who has very specific rules for font etc. who noone involved until the day before go-live.... ... oh for...
Site goes live
Powerpoint at remote site breaks
you get asked wha'ts going on...
...f you... -
Ok that's ALSO two more brand new phones totalling over 1000 in value they owe John boy here
And many months of lodging and other fun things and some hard drive cases and several hard drives full of earlier photos and videos of him
And let's just add on some extra money for making people act crazy.
Not trying to be patterned into you peoples shit by reinforcing my own self destructive behavior like some kind of goddamn drug addict
Obviously the end result sucks
Look at all these miserable fucks ! -
When you want to investigate what a function does, you read the name and say "ok, seems reasonable what it should be doing" ... and then you encounter an adventure of if-else's, nested if's and else's, some promises here and there (with more nested if's and else's) and also a bunch of dispatches sprinkled all over the place. You want to refactor it into tinier functions but can't because you don't know what happens where ... help ... 🙄😩
-
I really don't have much of any social life, and it's quite ok. I usually hang around with guys in the office every once in a while and if there is a football match going on, especially during this World cup. Maybe due to this I was even awarded a 100% raise, which is quite awesome. Nothing bad with being a loner sometimes things just work out for you, plus I get to concentrate on work a lot more than my peers. ^_^
-
I have this theory that (most of) tech people (software engineers, developers, devops, etc) are very ok with a working regular smartphone as opposed to non-tech people.
I'm talking like, money not being an issue, we are cool with a Xiaomi or OPPO, etc. As other people feel the need to go for the latest and more expensive iPhone or Samsung.
So, WDYT?
PS: I'm still rocking my Xiaomi Mi A1, it's still performant for what I need it.10 -
!rant
Ok so I have developed a habit to try out various Linux Distro every 2-3 weeks. (good or bad thing idk). So far I have tried, Ubuntu (possibly all the flavors), linux mint, manjaro, puppy, elementary, arch and many more which I don't remember.
Any suggestions which distro is worth checking out?1 -
Ok so a company from a neighboring country contacted me for a remote job opportunity... the offer was quite good
Now I'm working more on his project even at work than my work project -
Ok. Wtf?!?
Our platform architect gives a damn about continuous delivery.
Today I asked the architects for help, because bamboo is not able to trigger a deployment plan by changes in repository branch pattern release/x.x.x.
He cancelled my question with the statement "if we have the Kubernetes environment, we have more valuable things to work on".
Generally CD is no rocket-science and it is achievable with reasonable effort!
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