- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

Today I received the best bug report I could've ever asked for..

Received an email from a member of our customer service centre containing a description of the bug they'd found and not only did it contain the steps to reproduce the bug, but a goddamn video of him reproducing the suspected bug!

The greatest feeling when the client decides to take time to make your life that little bit easier

"We're letting you go"

"Oh, why?"

"Well we gave you a laptop to work on for a reason, we expected you to take it home and have passion for your work"

"..."

Could've saved me a lot of time if they had told me from the start that they just wanted free labor

FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me

Client: Take your time. But do it fast.

We just had a terror attack here in Stockholm. I'm stuck in my office. Stay safe everyone and take the time with your loved ones.

So we are a bunch of nerds huh? Without any social life? or friends?

You motherfucker, if it wasn't for the community that developers have built, you would still be living in stone age. Seriously, the way we share our hard work with each other, spending hundreds of hours on a library and making them open source on the internet, I don't think any other community out there does it so selflessly.

So next time you're calling me boring, you can take a big piece of shit and put it up in your arse.

Part of my job involves speaking with users on the phone and I really don’t mind it except for THESE PEOPLE:

Me: Hi! XYZ Co. this is Tawzer!
Them: Hi Tawzer this is blah blah I need help with the website I just can’t figure it out!
Me: Okay! Let me ju-
Them: Yeah you know I’ve been struggling for hours with it I really don’t have time for this.
Me: Oh I imagine! What’s your-
Them: Well I was gonna try and get everything done today by 3 but with all of this tech stuff going wrong I just don’t know...
Me: That sounds frustrating, can i get your-
Them: Is this going to take long??
Me: Nope! I just need to know your-
Them: like I said I just really don’t have time for this!
Me: ........ What’s your-
Them: well I-
Me: WHAT’S YOUR USERNAME
Them: Uh I don’t know can you look me up? I didn’t know I’d need that.
Me: 👩🏻‍💻

Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.

Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?

Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.

Me - *took off my watch* now what?

Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.

Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.

Client: Can you provide some kind of guaranteed timeline that you're going to be able to move our website to our new servers with the optimizations implemented? I know you said it should take a week, but we have 3 weeks to get this moved over and we cannot afford to be double billed. I'm waiting to fire up the new server until you can confirm.

Me: As I said, it SHOULD take about a week, but that's factoring in ONLY the modifications being made for optimization and a QA call to review the website. This does not account for your hosting provider needing to spin up a new server.

We also never offered to move your website over to said new server. I sent detailed instructions for your provider to move a copy of the entire website over and have it configured and ready to point your domain over to, in order to save time and money since your provider won't give us the access necessary to perform a server-to-server transfer. If you are implying that I need to move the website over myself, you will be billed for that migration, however long it takes.

Client: So you're telling me that we paid $950 for 10 hours of work and that DOESN'T include making the changes live?

Me: Why would you think that the 10 hours that we're logged for the process of optimizing your website include additional time that has not been measured? When you build out a custom product for a customer, do you eat the shipping charges to deliver it? That is a rhetorical question of course, because I know you charge for shipping as well. My point is that we charge for delivery just as you do, because it requires our time and manpower.

All of this could have been avoided, but you are the one that enforced the strict requirement that we cannot take the website down for even 1 hour during off-peak times to incorporate the changes we made on our testbed, so we're having to go through this circus in order to deliver the work we performed.

I'm not going to give you a guarantee of any kind because there are too many factors that are not within our control, and we're not going to trap ourselves so you have a scapegoat to throw under the bus if your boss looks to you for accountability. I will reiterate that we estimate it would take about a week to implement, test and run through a full QA together, as we have other clients within our queue and our time must be appropriately blocked out each day. However, the longer you take to pull the trigger on this new server, the longer it will take on my end to get the work scheduled within the queue.

Client: If we get double billed, we're taking that out of what we have remaining to pay you.

Me: On the subject of paying us, you signed a contract acknowledging that you would pay us the remaining 50% after you approved the changes, which you did last week, in order for us to deliver the project. Thank you for the reminder that your remaining balance has not yet been paid. I'll have our CFO resend the invoice for you to remit payment before we proceed any further.

---

I love it when clients give me shit. I just give it right back.

string excuses[]={
"it's not a bug it's a feature",
"it worked on my machine",
"i tested it and it worked",
"its production ready",
"your browser must be caching the old content",
"that error means it was successful",
"the client fucked it up",
"the systems crashed and the code got lost" ,
"this code wont go into the final version",
"It's a compiler issue",
"it's only a minor issue",
"this will take two weeks max",
"my code is flawless must be someone else's mistake",
"it worked a minute ago",
"that was not in the original specification",
"i will fix this",
"I was told to stop working on that when something important came up",
"You must have the wrong version",
"that's way beyond my pay grade",
"that's just an unlucky coincidence",
"i saw the new guy screw around with the systems",
"our servers must've been hacked",
"i wasn't given enough time",
"its the designers fault",
"it probably won't happen again",
"your expectations were unrealistic",
"everything's great on my end",
"that's not my code",
"it's a hardware problem",
"it's a firewall issue",
"it's a character encoding issue",
"a third party API isn't responding",
"that was only supposed to be a placeholder",
"The third party documentation is wrong",
"that was just a temporary fix.",
"We outsourced that months ago.","
"that value is only wrong half of the time.",
"the person responsible for that does not work here anymore",
"That was literally a one in a million error",
"our servers couldn't handle the traffic the app was receiving",
"your machines processors must be too slow",
"your pc is too outdated",
"that is a known issue with the programming language",
"it would take too much time and resources to rebuild from scratch",
"this is historically grown",
"users will hardly notice that",
"i will fix it" };

Client: Hi. my SEO guy messed up the website. Its kind of .... you know .... gone. You must have the backup. Please restore

Me (after 10 mins): Done

.............

Client: Hi again. I don't see my changes from yesterday. Why?

Me: Because I had 2 months old backup.

Client: Why?

Me: Because that's the last time I worked on your website. And you changed the credentials later on.

Client: But you're a programmer. You must have had a back door to take back ups.

........

Client: Hello?

Me: It's time to leave earth.

Mum: Tom time to do something get off your computer
Me: *continues staring at computer*
Mum: Tom?
Me: ...
Mum: TOM
Me: Whaaa? *moves head slightly up but still doesn't take eyes off computer"
Mum: Please get off your computer there's stuff you've gotta do
Me: *finally looking up* OK just let me fix this one thing I'm so close
Mum: fine, 5 mins
*5 mins later:
Mum: come on Tom time to get off
Me: uuuggghhhhhhhh I'm nearly done please
Mum: hurry up
Me: *tries to hurry and finish as to not upset her* please I'm so close
Mum: *furious glance*
Me: *furiouser typing noises and frantic clicking*
Me: *finishes, attempts to run the program*
Program: *runs just fine and problem I was trying to fix was working great*

...

...

*something else breaks*
Me: ok mum please just this one thing
Mum: OFF

Client: Glad to have you on the team, you come highly recommended for your experience in Microsoft technology, specifically asp.net

Me: I was contacted for a php, mariadb project

Client: well they're all the same

Me: actually sir no.... No they're not.

Client: then why was I told to contact you

Me: you tell me, your hiring manager contacted me for a php project not asp or. Net

Client: well I guess I know who to blame for your, sorry for taking your time. Can I contact you if we have a project made with that thing you mentioned?

Me: php?, Sure

Client: nice...... Take care

Me: you too

That went better than I expected

NO. NEVER HAPPENING. For the sake of all the fuckery in the world, I WON'T FUCKING WORK FOR FREE. Not as a learning experience, not for contacts, not for future contracts, not for a fucking blowjob from your wife and not even for a place in heaven. I will be bunkmates with the Devil before I build you your website for free. I feel like strangling a cat with my shoelaces and bashing your brains out with the carcass every damn time your balls swell big enough to ask me to build you a 5 minute website for your well-earning business, you cheap bastard. Take a shovel and dig yourself a hole to sleep in, you piece of biological waste.

"Did you get my email?"

No, your email got sucked into the black hole that is the vast and mysterious internet. It's gone forever.
/s

Yes, I got your email. I'm ignoring it because I can only handle one stupid coworker's request at a time. Take a number.

- just do your job. Close this ticket already and go to the next one

- It's just a 1 minute job.. Don't build scripts for things that simple!

- Look, we don't have time to spare for coffee breaks. Stop wasting your time on scripting!

- netikras, the IST shift fucked things up again. I need you to do your magic and clear those alerts

- netikras, there are 20 tickets waiting to be investigated. Either your coleagues spend 2 hours on them or you do your magic in 2 minutes, as always..

- netikras, please share your scripts with your team

- netikras, I have nominated you for the Star Award for your script

- netikras, here's the star award and the financial prize. Those are nice swarovskies you've picked for your wife! Good choice!

- Since our team has lots of spare time now, I urge you all to attend X, Y and Z trainings. Trainings and Certification expenses are covered

A very similar scenario has just happened in 2 last workplaces of mine. In both cases I was the one to build the script despite my management's requests to stop wasting time and resources on them.

When I see what is wrong and take some actions to right those wrongs, when superiors build roadblocks for me claiming it's not worth it and in the end I still build my solutions and become the most efficient person/team in the whole department -- that right there is what boosts my ego to the sky and above!! It proves I am actually on the right track. It proves that I in fact have a better understanding than those who should have it.

It just makes me tick!

Looking for another adventure like that :) With more power to change things this time

1. If your contract allows it (and it should), get more involved in public dev community. Your employer benefits greatly from making a small closed source core product, with a giant open source ecosystem around it. Write public articles. Working in a community larger than one single business is fun.

2. Start a company coding club, a "labs" division, work in a slightly more exotic language. Great if your employer gives you time, but using some of your own is worth it too. Work on non critical tools, creative experiments. Sometimes you stumble onto incredibly valuable ideas which would never have popped up if you had strictly followed stakeholder requirements.

3. Listen to your body. If you feel restless, go for a run. If you feel tired, take a nap. If you're stuck, wander around the company. If you feel down, go find a place with more than a dozen trees. And always have a notepad nearby for doodling!

Juniors are a fun bunch to work with.
Over confident, hero complex of that fresh graduate high, and then thrown in to the real world! Where there hopes and dreams are crushed in minutes when they see what monolithic applications really look like!!

But don't let that overwhelm you, your not going to be changing all of it any time soon, hell some of this code hasn't been touched in 5+ years and still works without fail.

Don't stress about the work load, you can only write 1 line of code at a time anyway, and hell, even seniors make mistakes.

The key about being able to manage this beast is simple, break it! Because the more you break it, the more you'll understand how a project is put together, for better or worse. Learn from the examples in front of you, and learn what not to do in the future 😎

But more importantly, plan your changes, whiteboard the high level logic of what it is you want to add, then whiteboard in the current codebase and determine where to slice this bitch up, then when it all looks well and good, take out your scalpel and slice and dice time.
Don't worry, your changes aren't going to production anytime soon, hell, you'll be lucky to get past the first pull request with this working 100% the first time, and that's a good thing, learn from tour short comings and improve your own knowledge for the next time!

Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.

Reviewing coworker's code:

Me: I see you're doing a convoluted sort for every element twice to get your two lists in sync... 😐
CoWorker: Yeah. *straight face, no regrets* That's the only way to do this.
Me:... Uh... No? You can just manage one list with a simple struct and then use the the standard sort.
Coworker: Yeah sure I know. But it'll take time. We don't have time.
Me: *aghast* This is embarrassingly bad code!
Coworker: Don't worry, later on I'll use a hashmap for it. But this needs to be pushed now.
Me: *to myself, no you don't need a hashmap*
Okay, you do you but I can't back you on this. It isn't going to take a lot of time to correct it.

Next day.
Coworker: Hey can you review my code again?
Me: You've made the changes already? *in a bored tone, knowing that they wouldn't have changed shit*
Coworker: No this is a different file. Our manager agrees that we can worry about performance later.
Me: Sure. *😀🔨🔨*

Few weeks pass by:
QA: The operation takes absurdly long time to complete even with the smallest data. Ten minutes for X is unacceptable.
Me: Who would've known? ☺️

HR: Hi we got your application. We'd like to schedule a call. Can you fill this out to pick a time?

Me: Sure, sorry first I'd like to ask a question. You are based on the other side of the country and i'm not able to relocate. Are you open to remote workers? Your job spec didn't mention either way.

HR: GREAT question! At this moment no we are not. We need people here on site. If you'd like, we can have a call to discuss if you fill out the form.

Me: ..... take time out of my day so you can tell me "No" again? ..... i'm alright thanks

I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to all the pressure at work, and my boss sat me down one day and said "Don't take it so personally, it's only work".
He explained that you simply cannot make all the people happy all the time, you can only do your best, and that is good enough.

Conversations between 2 java programmers.

Me: How it's possible that your code works?
Frank: I don't know. I try 10 times, and each time, I get an error.
Then I take a break...
Eat a humburger, play ping pong, drink coffee.
Me: That's it?
Frank: Yes
Me: I need a break...

Boss: We want this feature ASAP, how will it take from your time?

Me:*giving honest estimation* about 4 days, there are many details to handle..

Boss: oh, we need it tomorrow evening, I said to the client it'll be ready..

SO WHY YOU ASKING ME FOR ESTIMATION YOU F**
😠🤬

Interviewer: We keep having devs take off for other opportunities after a short period of time. We need someone loyal who will be sticking around for the long haul. Oh wait, you only have one dev company you’ve worked for on your resume? Yeah that’s not good, we only hire devs who have worked for lots and lots of companies.

Dev: …

I'm tired of everyone playing the fucking victim all the damn time.

Grow the fuck up and take responsibility of your fuck ups, not blame everyone but yourself.

God people piss me off these days

Application has had a suspected memory leak for years. Tech team got developers THE EXACT CODE that caused it. Few months of testing go by, telling us they're resolving their memory leak problem (finally).

Today: yeah, we still need restarts because we don't know if this new deployment will fix our memory leak, we don't know what the problem is.

WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THE LOWER REGIONS FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS?!?!?! HAVING A FUCKING ORGY???????????????

My friends took the time to find your damn problem for you AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS???

It was in lower regions for 3 MONTHS and you don't know how it's impacting memory usage?!?!?! DO YOU WANT TO STILL HAVE A JOB? BECAUSE IF NOT, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU. YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR FUCKING JOB IF YOU CAN'T FUCKING FIX THIS.

Every time your app crashes, even though I don't need to get your highest level boss on anymore for approval to restart your server, I'M GOING TO FUCKING CALL HIM AND MAKE HIM SEE THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. Eventually, he'll get so annoyed with me, your shit will be fixed. AND I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR USELESS ASS ANYMORE.

(Rant directed at project manager more than dev. Don't know which is to blame, so blaming PM)

When you introduce your girlfriend to your Best friend and after some time they start dating each other and you are unaware of the situation but after sometime you get to know about their relationship , now you're really pissed and want to take revenge, then you remember that the girl's parents are strict af and you know that they won't tolerate that their daughter is in relationship
so, you tell her parents about her and
they decide to send her to a different school located in another city
The End

tl;dr
When two pointers are pointing to a same memory location then if any one of them deallocates the memory, the other pointer becomes a dangling pointer
:v

When you type 'g' in your browser and press enter and notice that instead of google, github has been opened.
Time to take a day off.

Manager: I don’t understand! How come you take twice as long to do tickets as anyone else but your PRs are stuck in QA for half the time as anyone else??

Dev: …

Government Fucking Websites.

Slow as fuck, disorganized, errors from 2004, UI from 2001.

You have to use them at a time when you really don't feel like waiting 30 fucking seconds for each page load.

Or filling out a fucking form that, ok, they made SOME kind of attempt to save your data, but it's overly complex and annoying.

Government websites. Making tasks that should take 5 minutes, 5 hours, since 1998.

Assholes.

Do you ever look at your girlfriend and think, "what kind of hallucinogen did I take this time?"

STOP SHITTING ON PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES.
Now, I'm not talking to the people that don't take it too serious, but rather to people that think their language is superior and others inferior. Why shit on PHP? A lot of stuff is build with this, including devRant. For me, I'd love to learn any languages that has a proper use for me. (With this sentence I'm excluding all exoteric languages, because they are useless) If anyone says, Python is awesome as fuck, yeah, I FUCKING AGREE. Anyone telling me anything is crap, I disagree. If it's that terrible, how do you know about it? If it was never used ever in a project, how can you know its terrible? You can't. Unless you coded that thing yourself.

Next time don't waste your time on shit like that. I AM ALSO LOOKING AT THE HOLY WAR APPLE VS MICROSOFT VS LINUX

STOP WASTING YOUR TIME WITH SHIT LIKE THIS.

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

Overheard 2 colleagues having an interesting telephonic meeting late night at my room.
Dev 1: Wait. I am trying to fix it.
Dev 2: Ok. Take your time
Dev 1: Shit. I found it. I knew I was doing something wrong here.
Dev 2: Oh. Nice. What was the bug?
Dev 1: It was a super silly mistake. Don't want to tell. Folks will laugh at me.
Dev 2: Don't worry. It happens with everyone. Come tomorrow at office, and whisper it in my ears. Noone will know.

Story #1: So I took a month of parental leave. And was planning to extend it a little longer to deal with my final exams. I was planning to spend lots of quality time with my wife and newborn son. Little did I know... It turns out that out of 5 OoO weeks I was looking forward I actually had 3 at most. The rest I've spent working remotely as I was insisted to deploy a brand new and poorly tested feature to PROD 2 days before my paternity leave. So I spent 2 weeks debugging things in PROD. Remotely. Needless to say that did suck.

Story #2: After story #1 I've learnt my lesson. This summer I took 3 weeks annual leave to renovate my apartment. I asked to not to be disturbed unless there's an emergency. And an emergency it was. One of our app users had a planned hi-load batch job lasting for 2-3 months. Hundreds of thousands of items had to be created and processed. It turns out the _processing_ algo had some flaws and was acting out. I was called out and asked to assist. I knew this sort of debugging is going to take a lot of my time so this time I put my conditions on the table: I will assist but I'll extend my leave by 1.5 the time I spend working now. They took the deal. Instead of 3 weeks I had 5 weeks of vacation!

I don't care that much about my salary. I prefer to exchange it for my time off hence I didn't ask for compensations.

Bottom line: NEVER EVER underestimate or undersell your time and effort. You are a valuable asset and if the team/client needs you on your day off -- make it count. Your time off is YOUR time. Never forget it.

Fighting against management is my daily struggle.
I reject the notion that more management, meetings and reports makes me work faster.
Want it done in time?
Stop wasting my time and interrupting me when I'm deep in complex thought. Let me do what's necessary and put in the hours if I have the energy and time.
But you damn better pay me for it.
I do not care for your praise, when I make the impossible happen time and again in days that would take months.
I expect your praise in the form of higher numbers going into my account.

I hate people who think that building software is all about one click away and generating things. I got told to complete the task faster than the speed of light.

Fancy me some rant time? Let's name that cunt, "Bob".

"
Hey Bob, I got questions for you. Are you sure you were in your mum's womb for 8-9 months? Are you the kind of twat who honk at people as soon as the traffic light's turning green?

Building software takes time, the CI/CD takes time, TestFlight takes time, approvals from the Google Play store take time, approvals from Apple App Store connect take time, Unit testing takes time and every fucking thing you can name takes time!

It's just like sex, nobody wants to be with someone who can only last in bed for 0.000000000001 nanoseconds, the longer, the better, (but not too long).

It is also like building houses, which takes months to build not hours. As from my experience so far, something tells me that you are not the kind of person who would understand how to build a house but a sand castle which takes only hours to build.

Relentlessly, you bombarded me with a pile of bollocks and a pile of nonsense is not going to fasten up the compilation of the software.

"

Pomodoro technique, and if nothing works take a break from sitting in front of the computer, and focus on something else, it will get solved easily the next time you touch your pc

To Managers: If your developers are suddenly so unproductive and uncommunicative, it's not likely that they turned into worse developers in all of a sudden. Take a time to review your management strategies, seriously.

TAKE A LOOK AT MY OTHER RANT FIRST!

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Comment on a GitHub issue on one of my repos:

"Almond I posted this feature request last month, please start to work on it in your free time"

Dude, that's just made it a whole lot less likely I'll even give that feature request the time of day. Take your entitled arse attitude to the bank and pay me to do it if you care that much.

Also, free time?!?! Hahahaha.

If you ever completely want to waste your goddamn time, call Keolis (company behind Arriva I think) with a question regarding their app. They'll be able to provide you with no fucking usable help/information at all and will gladly guide you through the login process twenty-motherfucking-billion times again and have no single solution as to why its not working.

As a bonus, they'll ask for your details so they can investigate and call you back a little later to take you through the exact goddamn process you just did two-hundred-trillion times before with the exact same completely fucking useless result.

Getting told that technology is bullshit and that humans have forgotten how to interact with each other (meaning being social) by people from the same age bracket that throw a fit because they can't use said technology is both hilarious and infuriating.

Seriously, aren't these old farts more concerned with things such as starbucks not putting "merry Christmas" on their fucking red cups? Am I supposed to take their shit seriously? No the fuck I am not, and neither should you.

If your old ass can't work how your fucking smartphone works, or have a haaaaard time trying to select Netflix from your smart tv app selection then the problem is not my generation. Its your dumbass for not keeping up.

Its fine if you don't want to use technology, fuck if I care. But you ain't winning this shit because of your preferences regarding technology.

Also, telling me that I am wrong for wearing my headphones at the gym to shut people off. Wtf dude, not everyone wants to fucking talk to others all the time, specially during gym time. I am there to work out and get sexy af, not to ask you how your fucking day went, I don't know u, i don't want to know you, you already showed me how fucking close minded and uninteresting you can be, why the fuck should I give that shit a chance?

Fuck outta here with that shit. He went on to tell me that software is made by people with 0 social skills. Booooooy I would have your granddaughter(she is my age) any day of the fucking week and you can tell me if we lack "social skills"

Foh

The stickers are here bitches! 🙂🙃😆
Thanks devrant.

The stickers will have to wait until I get a new laptop though.

Also I'm extremely grateful for the time you take to mail us the goodies. And on your expenses even.

Thanks :)

Client:
"Ok,. so your saying that its gonna take you 63 hrs to create a simplified CRM with basic functionality and auto fill docs or automated work flow docs as an added feature?"

My response (after already under-quoting and planning on cutting some corners because he has a smaller budget than normally necessary):
"It sounds simpler than it is. There are a lot of things I need to take into account that you wouldn't even think about.

For instance:

Making sure your emails don't go to the client's spam folder. This requires the sending domain to be verified via DNS settings. I have to ensure your email content passes a spam test (link to text ratio needs to be good). I assumed you'd want an email that has your logo and looks good. This means testing the design in Outlook to make sure it's not broken.

What if the email doesn't send due to an invalid email address, or bounces back? You'll need to be notified.

What if the client list for the week contains duplicates? You need them merged or ignored.

Generating a PDF from HTML can be tricky because the conversion isn't apples to apples so there are things I need to adjust to make them as close as possible.

Making a site completely mobile friendly (the tier 3 option) can be very time consuming as well. It's not about whether or not it fits on a mobile phone, it's about whether or not it's intuitive and useful. You're essentially getting a mobile app without paying for separate development of an app.

If I took everything into consideration and built this to be 100% bullet proof, it would cost tens of thousands.

I'm doing my best to leverage your needs with the probability of running into an issue. I'm not going waste my time/your money on something that will likely never happen."

Once a day, take some time to read your colleagues' commits.

You will see how they work, you will learn how they solve problems, you will understand their flow and you will know more and more parts of the code base.

Your entire time with the company, be polite and cordial, don't say risky things, basically be a good boy. But importantly, stay social. Just politely social.

After several months of this, enough time that your fellow employees and management are well aware of your personality, go to the PM in private. Threaten them that if they don't leave you alone you're going to break into their house at night, sedate them, dislocate their jaw and take a shit down their throat.

The beauty of this is that they can't reasonably go to anyone over this, as it's totally unbelievable and out of character. And will be so horrified of what they just heard that they will leave you alone.

So I met this Professor in my campus recently.. This life-changing conversation followed :
Prof: What are you doing on your laptop?
Me: Sir, I am practicing some coding problems.
Prof : Coding problems? What's your branch?
Me: Electrical Engineering.
Prof: You aren't expected to code. And you aren't taught much coding in your coursework too.
Me : Sir, I take it as a passion and I did learn coding all by myself.
Prof : Rubbish. Learning coding by yourself is similar to saying that you don't require a Prof. to teach you. Just focus on your subjects and stop wasting your time.
Me :Good afternoon, sir. You're right, I did waste my time here.
*Grabs laptop and leaves,hoping he won't be taking any lectures in my next sem. *

1. Trust no one even yourself
2. Ask questions even if they are stupid
3. Test your solutions, even manually
4. Write comments
5. Take your time to solve problem, even if it looks like easy see point 1
6. Take some time during work to get familiar with code and read something about technology that is part of your current work - even if you know it - see point 1
7. Always try to see a big picture - see point 2 - why is it implemented is more important then how is it implemented

You know it's time to solve a bug when you pause the music, take a final sip of coffe, sit up straight in your chair and take off all accessories

If you write a tutorial or a book with code samples please take the time to ensure that (a) you cover everything that is needed to get your samples to work properly and (b) that your samples actually to work.

It is frustrating the bloody hell out of me typing your code character by character into my machine just to have my compiler screaming at me.

On that note: just wasted a week on rewriting a whole bloody library that was "broken" just to discover that the library works just fine but the freaking tutorial on the very page was faulty.

Worst part of being a dev?

THERE'S A NEW FREAKIN FRAMEWORK EVERYDAY.

Where are we supposed to get time to learn everything the job applications require? And even worst, have 2 years of experience with the thing?

And how about when developing a responsive dynamic website? If you are crazy, like me, and you are the kind of dev that always wants to deliver something great, customized to the needs of your client, and that doesn't smell bootstrappy, you probably can't stand too when people ask you about time guesstimates. Especially when you are the ONLY DEV in your company.

Also, our gear is EXPENSIVE.

Sorry, I guess I'm stressed... Had to bring some work home, due to the bosses deciding to deliver a project one week early to the client, without consulting me first.

Still, luckily for me, all this bullshit can't take my love of coding away.

ffs take it easy with those fucking Captchas. If I have to solve a fucking Captcha every fucking time I click on a fucking link I want to slap your face

Helpful tip to all you freelancers or those with the authority:

Never let a client dictate anything in how you do your job, no matter how simple.

Even if they ask you to make yourself available at a specific time, don't. Instead, tell them times you have available so they have to work with you.

If you give a client an inch, they will always take a mile.

1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!

2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.

3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"

4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee

5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro

You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.

*After I have finally deployed the requested features*

Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.

Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.

Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?

Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.

Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.

Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*

Put away the keyboard. Think about what you're going to do, chart it out, work through the logic and then, when the entire construct is before you, you start typing.

Yes it will take longer, you're a junior, enjoy that nobody expects you to do miracles (yet) and take the time, you'll get it back when you're so used to working through logical problems that it happens on its own as soon as you hear about the problem.

Cutting corners and "hacking a quick solution" without fucking over the entire system is an art form. Before you do art learn your damn craft.

First time having 2 monitors and actual full size desk inside my own apartment. Very liberating and I should take advantage... nothing beats the privacy of your home where you can think uninterrupted!

People having sleep deprivation.

If your health is at stake, you may want to aim for maximum healing potential.
Humen always should prefer more natural substances and techniques.
As chemicals mostly alter the status quo but tackle the ultimate reason why.

Military has developed glasses that simulate the sunrise to wake you up / keep you awake.
That technique is like 20 years old. And who is gonna get those glasses for me?
Nowadays, studies published find humen feel more at ease by rising and sleeping with the sun and moon.
Having two weeks of camping once in a while is recommended. At least once a year.

Alternately you can try to regulate your days rhythm.
Start your day with a cup of hot speedwell tea.
Like every freaking day.
Its augmenting your activity thus easing your sleep at night.

Give every technique at least two weeks time to take effect.
And always remember :
Sleep is a thing that can be influenced but never will be controlled.

Good night ;P

I had a manager in a fortune 500 company encourage me to install a web cam with live feed in another team members cube as a prank. Being younger, I trusted him and so figured it would fine and just get a good laugh.

Then another member found the setup and reported it. Turns out, this broke so many company regulations, I could have been fired on the spot. They confiscated my laptop and I got the 3rd degree from my senior director, who told me I was lucky to be a contractor at the time or the situation would have been even worse.

Moral of the story for younger folks in large corporations... don't take everything your higher ups say as gospel. Think for yourself and do your own research if something feels iffy.

I fucking love how the Cyberpunk 2077 disaster goes down... and then, silently, Kerbal Space Program 2 pushes their launch date back again by another year.

Lol, is someone a little afraid? Take your time, boys.

No rant, just appreciation

A thank you to the senior developers out there who take the time to help us juniors out, to look at our (potentially) shitty code and point out how to improve it.

To help us to see the bigger picture and maybe take a more lengthy approach to a problem that'll pay off in the end.

And lastly, thanks for allowing us to learn from your years of bug splatting, stack tracing, null pointers and error messages.

You guys rock

PM: Hey listen, client sent us his feedback about the app that we need to fix, they wont take time.
Me: Sure no problem.

5 Minutes later:
*Receives email*
*checks email*
15 easy tasks that take not time to finish BUT they are put inside ONE FUCKING TASK ON JIRA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT! 15 IN ONE YOU DUMB FUCK!
MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS AND WRITE EACH IN ITS OWN MOTHERFUCKING TASK!

Another reason on why I hate humans -_-

As a CS student, where should I invest my time between these options ?
- Get a higher GPA
- Invest in personal project
- Contribute to open source project
- Have a part-time internship during school
- Take time for myself

I would like to have opinions based on your personal experiences !

WANKETEERING FUCKING CUNTS!!!!!

Just now I had this great incident with rosé wine hitting my couch (on a Monday, yet another reason to hate that fucking shit day). If that is you dear Google searcher, let me tell you this. GRAB YOUR FUCKING SALT, AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN AND POUR IT ON THERE IMMEDIATELY!!!

(edit: seems to work quite well for sucking up the wine moisture, not sure about smell or discoloration.. so far so good)

At least that's what a wanketeering cunt told me after having me read through 5 minutes of their dribble. While the motherfucker explicitly mentions that you're on a time limit, mind you!!! Because you know, fuck your goddamn couch, I want that fraction of a cent in ad money, that oh you've blocked it? I have no fucking idea. But waste your time on my shitsite nonetheless!!!

You know what, marketeering motherfucking dickhead. If that salt isn't going to fix my goddamn fucking couch, how about I take your goddamn shitsite down for the next FUCKING MONTH, HUH?!! Just to make up for the hundreds of fucking euros that a motherfucking couch is worth?! That'll serve you fucking right for pissing off a hacker!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

When you build a site on heroku not thinking alot of people will see it, and out of nowhere you get crazy messages from alot of people saying why does it take 5 hours to load your website. :/

you fucking idiots

why do you always base your library components on some dumbass clown fixed width / height system?

everything should be flex by default, anything else is absolute amateur clown town pile of dumbass horseshit...

...i'll brawl and take down anyone who says otherwise

you waste my time, you waste other's time, when everyone has to go hunting around for your stupid library's unorthodox way of styling

thanks again for wasting and making my evening a living hell

Customer support people are weird.
They ping "Hi" and just leave it at that!

Wtf do you want me to do with your "Hi".

Is it something urgent I need to look at? Or some generic query?

But I won't fucking know that, unless I reply to your stupid context-less greeting. Because you can't bother to take an extra minute to type. Even worse when it is outside my work hours.

If I do decide to reply I am already online and lost my leverage on deciding whether it's actually urgent or not!

Fuck you Karen from support and fuck you Kumar.

And fuck you junior devs! Don't fucking "Hi. There?" me bitch! Type what you want I'll reply if it's worth it and when I have time to.

"Unable to capture the screen
This application or your company does not allow you to take screenshots."

I think it's time for root...

A discussion about writing tests for frontend applications.

Context: my frontend coworkers don't write tests, at all. Yeah, really. Our testing process is very manual. We test manually when developing. We test manually when reviewing code. After merging, the application is deployed to a staging server and the design team does a QA Sprint. Lots of manual testing and some bugs still crawl by.

So I decided to start pushing my coworkers to start writing tests. One of the reasons I constantly hear them say to not write tests in the frontend is: "It's not worth the time, because design keeps changing, which means we have to take time to fix the tests. Time that we usually don't have."

I've been thinking about this a lot and it seems to me that this is more related to bad tests than to tests in general.

Tests should not break with design changes (small changes at least). They should test funcionality, not how things look. A form should not break if the submit button's style changes, so why should its tests fail? I also think that tests help save time, as they prevent some back and forth because of bugs.

Writing good tests is the hard part. Tests that cover what's really important and aren't frail and break with things that shouldn't break them. What (and how) should we test? And what shouldn't be tested?

Writing them fast is another hard thing. Are you doing it right if they take more time to write than the actual code?

What do you think about this? Do you write tests for your frontend applications? What do you test? How much time do you spend writing tests? What are your testing tools/frameworks?

So here's my setup.
Minimalist and clean, the only environment I can work in.

My laptop spends way more time at home now-a-days since I bought the iPad Pro 12.9 2017... It's just so practical to take to lectures.

As for my desktop... well my keyboard definitely needs an upgrade... Any suggestions on a good keyboard?

My alcohol shrine, keeps me sane 😂😍. Let's see your setups.

My top reasons for you to not become a dev are:
- You don't like stress
- You like to overengineer but you want to "take your time"
- You hate bug-detective work
- You are impatient
- You want to overcome your virginity
- You are an overly social person

Maybe it's an unpopular take, but I don't get why so many people keep whining about debugging. If you hate debugging so much, why would you become a programmer in the first place? Wouldn't you be miserable most of your working time?

Dear ISP,
Thank your for throttling my internet right in the middle of a hurricane! Now not only does Netflix not work and GitHub take forever, but I can't even get live weather updates. Time to code using cave paintings I guess till the power goes out.

Random.

When you haven't seen your family for a very long time (coz you're overseas) and they ask for recent pictures of you (I don't like taking pictures)...so now I gotta take pics and selfies for them folks 🙄🙅🙍

“Hey, thanks for accepting my request we have a role you might be interested in.”

Sure, happy to move forward

“Great you just need to a complete a Technical test”

How long is the recommend time?

And I quote:

“It’s entirely up to you how much time you spend on this task. I’ve seen tasks done in 45 mins with minimal effort previously. I’ve also seen others take a week on it. Totally your call”

——

...so you contact me to offer me a role and want me to invest up-to 1 week on a technical when I’ve not even visited your offices. How about no.

Whatsapp: "How about you update your browser?"

How about you fire your whole fucking team of genetically engineered super-retards, that is making whatsapp shittier with ever recently rotten braincell you guys claim to have, and just let me use your shitty spyware I need to use for the time being. Fucking hell don't you even dare pulling that bullshit excuse on me when my browser is based on chromium Aka the fucking same browser engine that is powering google chrome. Just for once stop playing along with google, take your update and put it where the sun doesn't shine, you data-whoring deadshits.

If it is lunch time and I have a sandwich stuffed halfway in my face, do not walk up to me with your computer asking for help. It doesn't take me long to eat so give me 3 fucking minutes to finish.

I will help you...I will touch your keyboard with my greasy fingers...I will touch your screen...multiple times.

You're welcome.

Hey! You there!
Are you sick of windows 10 sending you intrusive reminders about updates? Are you tired of random unscheduled restarts? Tired of feeling like you have no control over your own computer?

Take back control!
DO THE FUCKING UPDATE, YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT, USELESS, LAZY, PIECE OF DRY WANK!

Seriously guys: pick a time convenient to you, and take 5 or 10 minutes (when you're likely spending hours at your computer), and do them. Not only will you get rid of the annoying notifications, but you'll also keep your pc safe and secure by keeping up with security patches. C'mon people, it's really not that difficult.

And can we please, for the love of all things holy, stop the circlejerking? You're developers, you are the computer proficient. The only things a PC will do are the things you tell it to do. Dig deep, dig into the registry, dig into the services manager, dig into the fucking settings cos a good number of the most common complaints can be fixed in the basic options menu. Tell your computer to stop doing the things you don't like and it will stop.

It's really not hard!

Who's got time to be an imposter. 🤷‍♂️

I am out of my depth 90% of the time, always diving into areas that are foreign to me, you just need to enjoy the buzz of knowing you are coming out the other side more knowledgeable then you did going in.

But if you do get overwhelmed with this condition, step back, take a breather, and use that moment to think things through at the big picture level before moving forward again, sometimes the right solution is hard to think off when you're to focused and drowning your way through a bad one.

Warning: pretty sad thoughts. If you're having a blast of a day, please skip. It's for your own good.

That feeling when you finish watching a piece of art. Be it a film or anime or anything. You're confused why you feel good, but at the same time you're hurt. You smile but the pain is still there when you reflect on the feelings and the experiences you had and you realise that none of it will ever happen again. No art or any of the past will happen again exactly the same way how you felt and experienced.

You think of the best friend you once had. Think of the girl you held hands with and time stopped. The first time you embraced her and knew you loved her more than anything, even if she didn't know your feelings. Think of your first kiss. Your first serious relationship. The last time you saw your parents, your wife, your children, family.

Now look at the perspective of the future and the past you: blissfully ignoring the certain end to all experiences until they all abruptly end reminding you of this and it hurts. Damn it hurts.

I will never be able to see me best friend again, nor will I ever be able to hold hands with her either. First time I kissed is now long gone. It's almost like you wish you were aware of how valuable and important the experience was and to not just throw it away like the last time and the several times before that. But the sad part is, you don't know which experience will make you realise how much you missed it.

But even if you do realise by placing yourself in the place of your future self, and you cherish the experience, you blame yourself because you could have either avoided it's end or did something better.

Like your break up: could it be fixed? Was it worth the little time you have on this plante?
Like your friends argument you had: could you have done better? Could you have stopped it?
Like your parent's death: could you have been a better son to your now overworked dying mum? Could you see how hard they tried even though you thought they were total dicks?

Now you realise that literally anything you do, you will have a problem with somewhere down the line. You're destined to be sad shattered and broken by every day that is tragedy.

But it's similar to art. After all, your life is a piece of art about how you died. Which is why you smile and enjoy the last second of the experience which you just had. That chest warming feeling will only last a little. You smile through pain, yet you realise its not the end.

Then again, its just my thoughts that i need to vent. Take it with a pinch of salt.

.NET drinking game:
* Drink every time IntelliSense refuses to tell you what the actual error is because it's too busy choking on lambda syntax from a decade ago
* Take a shot every time you discover a closed, unresolved Github issue discussing your current showstopping build/CI problem
* Finish your drink every time the solution to your problem involves either manual edits to your CSPROJ (or whatever) file, or creating a new project altogether and copying all your fucking files over

That moment when you take a look back at your old portfolio websites...

I have to cringe and laugh at the same time rn. The way I styled it. OMG...

Self note: You will still cringe in the future, when you are going to look back at your current portfolio website.

My Manager: Could you help "other manager" (OM) they need some very simple code changes.

Me: sure that will only take a few minutes *adds 15 lines of code tells OM one single line they have to modify*

Some other manager (SOM): Hey how does this work, I'm confused, do I need to do anything?

Me: Yes see the email chain you were copied on.

SOM: Actually let's have a meeting instead and all discuss this.

Goddammit this was a simple change to make your life easier now you are wasting everyones time by not reading the email

It's the FUCKING....
WEEEEEKKKKEEEEENNNNDDDD!!!!!!!!

I don't know about you lot, but it's felt like a long time coming since Monday morning.

Several concurrent projects pulling you in different directions take its toll.

Oh and to answer your question.
Yes, I am mentally unstable right now 🤪

Taking care of your skin once a week, won't give you better skin.

Just like eating a healthy meal once a week, won't make you skinny.

Changes and improvements take time, effort, but most of all consistency.

I have got so much of free time that this Quarantine has got me thinking What Should I Name my Class?

How Long do You take to name your class?

You know a good way to handle all of the issues with W10 force updating your system? Do it yourself FFS!

You know there are updates. Windows has been telling you ...

Pick a damn time, start the update and go get a coffee, lunch, take a dump or go home for the day.

It's *never* going to be the right time if you don't choose it. It will always be an inconvenience or you'll be "in the middle of something important" and then you'll get all pissy about it.

Yeesh ...

I'm pretty new here, but I can't begin tell you how much I appreciate feeling like a part of a dev community for the first time. It's great having a place to share, vent, and occasionally let out a fuck-filled rant.

I guess most jobs are too formal for you to be verbal and brutally honest about your experiences and frustrations -- and friends can take the honesty but do not understand the technical stuff. This place seems to be the best of both words. Cheers.

Boss: ABC
Me: as an intern at XYZ firm.

ABC: this is internet is very slow today, AmanDeep what happen check it.

me: Sir,there are too much user on the wifi.

ABC:So how we can disconnect them without their knowing.

me: We have to deauth all of their connection using fluxion.

ABC: Do it fast...
me: its take time to be done, you have to do by linux.

ABC: I had done it before in my high school on cmd you and your excuses for the work.You are lame at work...
...\../..
\......../
Me: Now i am searching a new internship...

People around me be like "Why you never take a break?? I see you work all the time. Doesn't your company offer you a paid holiday??"

Yeah they do offer a paid holiday, but even on holiday I still have to work because I'm the IT manager, full stack developer, database admin, helpdesk and everything that is related to IT.
:(

I just realized with this pandemic it's better to live in a dirt-cheap country, in a house you own, have a second hand car, work as a dev from home, become good with tools in your spare time, grow your own food in the garden.
Fuck this impossible system with it's promises of finding a cure and it's high pay but high taxes and expensive rent for living in a shitty rented apartment with no friends around, nothing to do than watch YouTube and play video games and be depressed half the time, then die because of lack of phisical activity.
I used to think countries that had good infrastructure were the best. Now public transportation is the worst idea around here, since no one wears masks and pretends all is well.
This is actually a decision I need to take next week. If you believe things will "get back to normal" please give me your input as it is valuable to me.

Project Manager and I went to a meeting with the client, and a talk started about one task which was estimated to 20, but took us 40 hours to be finished.
The client asked me:
''How is it possible that it took you double of the estimated time?''
and the PM turned his head to my direction and said:
''Really, how did it take you so long?''

ISN'T IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO ANSWER THOSE KIND OF QUESTIONS

What the fuck is wrong with you Windows?
Why the hell do you take so much time to load?
Actually, FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU FOR BEING THE ONLY OS WHERE HIGH END GAMES WORK.
FUCK YOU FOR BEING SO SO SO SLOW LIKE YOUR GRUB.

God, don't you love it when your team COMPLETELY IGNORES all the work you do, dismisses it outright, and then acts rude to you? And then when they do take one of your suggestions, they say 'wow you ACTUALLY contributed' as if you haven't been trying to contribute the whole time only to get ignored?!

Whoever is reading this...

Have a great day! I know the world is in a bad place rn and everything is chaos but take it upon yourself to strive for a great day everyday. Make sure you eat your food drink your water and take some time for yourself to relax and do whatever makes you happy! Spend some time with your loved ones, start a new project that could help the world, go outside, etc. Make the most of your day!

No rant here but just wanted to remind the ladies and gentlemen to take that break and spend time with your family or friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, and pets. If someone s been meaning to do it and got bogged down by work, I hope this serves as a reminder.

I'm having difficulty treating HR like human beings. I mean yes I spammed you to fetch me my payslip but why didn't you check why I am not getting it automatically from the first time? And your response is you are busy and HR requests take a minimum of 48 hours to process? THE FUCK? I mean how hard can it be to type my ID in the system and send me my payslip.
I really need to learn how to "play nice" before I get in trouble.

I needed a new laptop to work/study and found a suitable one on Lenovo's website...
25th of july :
- "your order has been placed... blablabla.. it will take approximately from 1 to 2 weeks to prepare and 3-5 days shipping.."
- hum... Ok.. seems long to just put RAM and SSD inside my laptop but alright..

31st of july :
- "unfortunately your order has been delayed, the new shipping date is estimated for August, 14"
- Fuck ! Ill be patient then.. hopefully it'll be ready earlier than that..

10th of August :
- "unfortunately your order has been delayed, the new shipping date is estimated for september, 7"
- WHAT THE FU.. ?!? YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PUT 8 FUCKING GIGS OF RAM AND AN SSD PLEASE TELL ME ?!? IS IT A JOKE OR WHAT ?! I FLY ABROAD THE 17TH OF SEPTEMBER YOU BETTER SHIP MY LAPTOP IN TIME !!

I'm really mad now and thinking of cancelling the order.. I might have no time to test the laptop before flying.. FUCK !!

When Support burst into your office to find 4 devs standing in front of a whiteboard with frustrated faces.

And still asks: "Got time for a question? this will only take a minute.."

Me : I like making games,I think I will take that as my career.

Dad : *like every generic Indian Parent* Games are waste of time, use your skills to make something productive !

The Setting:

Ola Cabs (One of the biggest competitors of Uber, for those who don’t know) comes to college to recruit software devs:

✅ Pre-placement talk

Now time for the aptitude/code round. Hackerearth used as the solution to run the test and compile code, as well as check the result immediately. Or so I thought.

3 programming questions, 2 hours.

The problem:
Me: *Write the code for the first question* (and I know it’s correct)

Me: Clicks “Compile and run”

Compiler: *Compiling*

*LITERALLY ONE FUCKING HOUR LATER*

Compiler: *Still compiling*

Hackerearth. What a fucking joke. Though the course of the HOUR I waited, I kept questioning the recruiter head from Ola and his response was:

Recruiter: “Try the other program, it’s possibly a problem with your code. I’ll check at my backend also, hold on.”

YOU FUCKING DIMWIT. MY CODE IS PERFECT AND EVEN IF IT WASN’T IT WOULDN’T TAKE MORE THAN A MINUTE (If you’re factoring in absolutely worst cases) TO COMPILE THIS SMALL ASS FUCKING PROBLEM’S CODE.

In the meanwhile I even coded one of the other remaining questions’ solution and the shit still didn’t work.

At the end of the 2 hour time limit, I’d finished code for all 3, the recruiter stops us all from coding and says:

Recruiter: “Just submit your code, we will evaluate it and get back to you.”

Like fucking hell, asshole.

*One hour post interview*

EVERYONE who attempted the aptitude code round (At least 30 of us) receive messages on our phones:

“Unfortunately you did not clear the aptitude round and we will not be able to take your application forward.”

FUCK YOU OLA. IN ONE FUCKING HOUR YOU “EVALUATED” ALL OF OUR CODE? FUCK YOU HACKEREARTH FOR YOUR SHIT FUCKING EXECUTION OF A “SOLUTION”. Maybe test your own fucking product before offering a solution to companies.

Fucking lost opportunity.

Please take sleep deprivation seriously!
Take care of it and don't allow stress to take you over.

Here's a little story of what happened to me:

I've had sleep problems for all of my life, but the beginning of last summer 2018 it went too far. I turned 18 and somehow all the school, dev and personal work started to pile up, I stressed about them and started to have no sleep every other day and little sleep another. Immediately I took time off from everything for trying get better sleep.

Having no sleep means that your brain starts to run in really low gear but you might not even notice it. So I started stressing about every little detail, making ridiculous decisions and doing stuff that didn't really make any sense.

I went to a doctor and was ordered to take time off for a month or so and start medication with bunch of different pills. At the time I thought the medication could wait for a day and went to an old work friend's place for night stay to discuss about everything. That wasn't obviously the thing I should've done. I was up all of that night, he slept, and in the morning he noticed something was really a bit off about me.

We went to the hospital and I agreed for a treatment in there. They got me to sleep normally again and I rested there for a while. I went back home or actually my parents' place and the problems continued, and back to the hospital I go. This time there was no choice. After a really long while, my mind started to stabilize enough that I was allowed to return to my everyday life: enjoying my summer break. It was an awful summer. I often felt lonely and bored. But at least I slept normally.

In the fall I returned to my usual busy schedule. And life's good again. This time I will manage my stress and sleep better and take them to account when planning schedule.

Things I wish people had said at my first job (in light of lots of the people I see starting their first dev gig on here). Please add yours.

Congrats!
Take a breath, you will be fine.
If you get frustrated, take a moment to collect your thoughts.
Don't be afraid to say you don't know, you are not expected to know everything.
Your workday needs to end at a decent time. Don't overdo it or you will be useless for more of your hours.
Always take whatever length of time you think something will take and double it. If you think it will take 15 minutes, it'll probably take your 4 hours.
Concentrate on networking and personal relationships.
Pick the smartest people who have moved the most vertically and pay attention to what they say, they might know a lot.
When management makes an "unwise" or "crazy" decision, ask them why or what the context or motive is that made then arrive at that course of action. Some of them might surprise you in their bigger picture motives or dumbassedness.
Six sigma may be in your future, learn what it is.
Automate as much of your own job as possible.

Um, that's all I've got for now. Hopefully that's helpful to people just starting out. Feel free to add yours.

Yeah, maybe I can solve your problem in 5 minutes with you. But first you have to spend 5 minutes explaining it to me, and I need to spend 5 minutes listening, and after we're done, it takes 5 minutes to remember what I was doing in the first place.

So you better be sure you could not have solved it in 25 minutes googling on your own, or you're effectively saying your time is more valuable than mine.

And if you spend another 5 minutes forcing me to spend 5 minutes listening to your goddam stories about what it was like growing up on your fucking farm, so help me jebus, I will take that idiotic thing you call a mouse and shove it so far up your ass you'll be scrolling with your duodenum.

Fuck you ios,storyboad,xibs,xcode. FUCK OFF!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Literally giving me migrane with your fucking ass constraints!! Fuck you xcode for not having a terminal. Ios is utterly bullshit. Has fucking all kind of devices that I have to set constraint. Fuck you macos. You are slower than a snail. How on earth do you take so much time to build!!
Width, height, constraints, my ass! What is this fucking logic bro. Fuck you apple for making so many device of different sizes and then hiring us to set constraints. Warning warning warning oh what a load of crap!
I would rather die than set your fucking ass constraints.

Fucking A.I. resume filter bots.

As if tech interviews weren't hard enough, I have to fill my resume with keywords to get past a bot! Every damn application and cover letter has to be unique.

And when I get past a bot, a hiring manager replies with "Sorry, you seem to have more experience with Typescript than JavaScript, and we can't take that risk."

It's the same.damn.language.

Yes, I spend my spare time with C and Python. Why does that say "unsuitable candidate" instead of "versatile"??!!

$#*%!?&@ tech industry.

Take your "Good luck with your future endeavors" and stuff it up your ass.

I am so sick and tired of hearing “AI” everywhere all the time. Yeah how about we integrate some AI into your super smart toaster so that it knows when to start preparing for when you put toasts in it in the morning.

Not even mentioning all these idiots being like “oh yeah AI is becoming sentient. Oh yeah AI is gonna take over the world”.

Brother the current state of AI is just machine learning, it’s a stupid pattern detector and generator it doesn’t have thoughts, emotions. Please just stop it.

Long time lurker, I now have something to show you and it's something I've proudly made!

I've been working on OctoLenses lately, a Chrome extension allowing you to filter your PR and issues on Github. I find it really useful on a daily basis; and you might too

It can be used to:
- Monitor the PRs that need a review (or that have been reviewed successfuly)
- Find issues on open-source projects you like that you could take on
- Anything you can express with a Github search basically

It's good enough that I feel like I can share it with you, and I'd really like if you could take some of your time to give me a bit of feedback.

What do you like?
What you don't?
Which feature should I add?
Anything constructive basically :)

Thank you (and sorry for the self-promotion)!

Another Developer: bro, shit hit the fan. The x web service is throwing some error. Can you take a look please. I want to go home. I'm tired.
Me: Yea sure bro no worries.
Another Developer: I go pee, after that I will delegate the ticket to you.
(Another Developer goes to the washroom)
Me: (04:59 PM) Oh time to pack-up and get the fuck out of here
Me: (05:08 PM) Receive a message on Viber from Another Developer. It reads "Fuck you, I'm going to rub my balls on your desk"

Like visual basic? Go for it. Scratch? Get stuck in. Like playing around with HTML/CSS/JS? Ignore anyone who laughs. Want to learn C++? Awesome!

The best thing you can do as a kid is get exposure to it, be creative, be curious, work out how to do stuff, and get stuck in. It's not the time in your life to listen to anyone who's discouraging. Then, whether you take this up longer term or not, you'll have had some fun, created some cool stuff, and have a good grasp of some basic concepts.

I think I might get close to a burnout. Last week was extremely stressful because of a deadline and I worked 45 hours in 4 days. Even in the evening my heart is pounding like a coke addict who had his last nose 1 hour ago.

What is your personal way of dealing with (work related) stress?
What activities help you best to cool down and relax?

I've not yet tried meditation but am trying to take some time to regularly do sport after the work, hopefully it helps.

Client: How long will it take you to build this?

Me: Maximum of 7days

Day 1 to Day 5, To myself: I have so much time, lemme build a Js engine in Rust and open-source it. It shouldn't take that long.

Day 6, After many failed attempts at debugging RegExp:

Starts working on the client's product, scraps off sleeping hour (why do I sleep in the first place)

Day 7: At 23:59...calls clients, he doesn't answer, probably sleeping... Sends message "Product ready to be tested at your call, I've not slept in 7 straight days because I like you"

Not only are you not your job, your job is not worth taking home with you; unless it's actually your company, leave it in the office. You can love your job and still have days when you hate it, or days when you'd rather be doing anything else; that doesn't mean you don't still like what you do.

As a profession we can all be obsessive and not take the time out that we need, so make special effort to do so, even if that just means you're working on a personal project instead. Your brain, and partner, will be glad that you did. Whether you like to admit it or not, everyone needs downtime.

1. IDE connected to your brain that does the coding according to your thoughts.
2. Compiling and deployment for your applications take little to no time.
3. Not having to wipe your ass 50 times to make sure it's all clean.

Soo why the fuck am I receiving notifications about someone from my contacts is available on messenger, when you don't fucking have the permissions to read my contacts? I'm looking at you Facebook Messenger.

That's some new level of ignorance. "Oh I see you didn't gave me the permissions to read your contacts. Worry not my friend just let me take a secret peek of it. I will be discreet, I promise!"... Well FUCK YOU!

P.S.: I only use that piece of garbage because unfortunately some of my friends are only available there... Time to convince them to switch.

Here's an advice to you guys:

Ever look at your mailbox and think it's so full of junk?

Archive all your current emails.

Then next time you get any spam emails take the time to unsubscribe or block the sender.

Trust me, life is so much better after you've got rid of those craps. And it's not that hard like it seems. In a week you'll probably get rid if 90% of those.

// 2011-05-13 - no idea why we're doing this, revise later

Wow thanks, take your time.

you have an intern working in your company, who came in for 3-4 months internship in September,with a notice in advance that he will take 1 month or more of leaves for exams in Nov-dec.

He reminds you in the beginning of October that he would be going on off due to a lot of college stuff happening on alternate days , starting November.

You and he come up to an agreement that its best to free him from his role in october end and he may join gain when he is done with his college work and could come back fulltime

He works full time in September-October with dedication, leaves with complete reports and submitting his code in November.

NOW DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING RIGHT TO HALT MY SALARY FROM OCTOBER?

YOUR FUCKING HRs HAVE BEEN IGNORING HALF OF MY CALLS AND GIVING LAME EXCUSES IN OTHER HALF.

I WAS NOT A FULL TIME EMPLOYEE YOU ASSHOLES, AND YET I FOLLOWED ALL YOUR STUPID RULES REGARDING NOTICE PERIOD AND STUFF! GIMME MY MONEY :/

Me: I've not done this before, so any guess would be pure assumption.

Client: Okay, but still, you would have some idea, right?

Me: It might get done in 3 days or may take even 30.

After 3 days:

Client: But you said that it will be done in 3 days. Now you are saying there MVP is not ready. Do you even know, your part is the most critical one in the project. We believed in you. We trusted you. This is insane. It was a wrong decision to choose you.

Me (in my head): Didn't I say, this is the first time I am trying to scrape Coles? It might take time?

Me (in actual): I understand, it is getting delayed. Am trying to get this up ASAP....

Anyone else experienced toxic clients but still didn't lose their cool?

Don't know if I am experienced enough to give any advices but still:
1. Whenever doing freelance work, always take some advance payments, even its for your friends.
2. Use git even if you think it doesn't apply to you. I started really late.
3. Contribute to open source. You grow when the community grows.
4. Be humble even if you are the best there is!
5. Whenever you feel you are tired of this shit, remember why you started. Don't give up!

Most importantly, take time for yourself, family and friends. It won't be lines of code that you remember on your death bed!

With 4 years of b.tech about to finish, i feel fucked up. Our studies were useless and other than java basics, i know nothing.

Parents say do external courses, use your time to learn some more industry relevant skills , while college says to shut up and take a poor salary job , when offered by those placement companies.( I seriously haven't even heard of most of them).

What to do?

Least fav part of remote work?

- When managers think you're in front of your laptop all day, they should be able to ping you ANY time of the day and expect you to respond.

"Well, you live and work at home and I'm paying you every month. So what if it's 3AM right now. Get the task done."

- When your team is remote and you leave a question to your teammate and they don't respond until night time - when they actually start working. Basically teams not letting each other know when they'd really be online.

- Too many meetings can be thing. It's not always though. So it's fine.

- Team level decisions take too long sometimes, so there's a chance you won't hear from your manager/team lead for a while.

I guess you gain something you lose something. Be it WFO or WFH.

Why the fuck don't you provision and configure the cloud virtual machine yourself, "web lead" guy who uses fucking WINDOWS to develop software? Why don't you install Webmin and PHPMyAdmin in the VM yourself if you like GUIs so much? Why do I have to configure Apache and MySQL and fix all sorts of little issues for your project just so you can use some shitty CMS? I'm not your fucking IT support guy. Go learn how to use Unix, take responsibility for your shit, and let me spend my time actually developing software.

The downside of cheating is it removes the stopping point since there are no barriers.

The upside is you realize how badly these developers want your money and the amount of time it would take to finish the game if you weren't cheating... And you'd probably rage quit first... which I can't do until I realize how much time I've wasted.

That usually happens when I finally the game or am greeted with an Under Construction screen...

It now takes a total of 20+ stars to build each object but they split it up so I imagine if you were really playing each time you'd go: what?!!!! Wtf....

Please and please, if you cannot take the time out to create new classes do not copy and paste another without editing it properly! I noticed you do a find and replace and then leave 50% of variable names un-edited because all errors are gone. I am begging you in the name of Zeus edit your shit!
Here is one dick head:

Note for managers,
If your intern doing 6hours task in 3 hours doesn't mean he is ready for next task.
It is fucking mean that he did his task give him time to take some breath.

Is there any other software more fucking bloated than Skype? Fuck you Skype, for constantly freezing everytime I start chatting, making me take my precious hands off my precious keyboard and use the fucking...... __mouse__ to fucking click into the text box, THEN start chatting. EVERY FUCKING TIME. Whoever is working on that team, please get your head out of your ass and fix the laggy bullshit you've created. Thank you.

Code review:
i ? plus.push(i) : --i ? neg.push(i) : zeros.push(i) || printThis() || checkAge() || !!window.MediaSource...

F***ing such a brilliant programmer, spent 4 hours to write it in 1 line, and will take your the guy who replaces you 4 hours to decipher, why are you so adverse to writing #readablecode?!!!

\n is cheap, if(){} is too

This isn't math class where a 3 line proof gets you kudos, stop wasting my time with your genius.

It's utterly frustrating to work with someone who has been in the same job for five years but still hasn't bothered to learn the basic tools necessary to do their job effectively. It's like they're stuck in a time warp, refusing to adapt and improve their skills.

How can you possibly expect to be successful in your career if you're not willing to invest time and effort into learning the tools of your trade? It's not rocket science, and these tools are there to make your job easier, not harder.

And what's worse is when these same people complain about their workload, blaming the tools for their inefficiency. Well, guess what? If you took the time to learn how to use them properly, maybe you wouldn't be drowning in work right now.

It's not even about being tech-savvy or a quick learner. It's simply about taking some initiative and responsibility for your own professional development. It's about having the basic level of competency required for your job.

Not to mention that constantly asking for help and guidance on tasks you should be able to handle on your own is not only a waste of your colleagues' time but also reflects poorly on your work ethic and reliability.

So, please, if you've been in the same job for five years and still struggle with basic tools, do yourself and your team a favor and take the time to learn them. It will make everyone's lives easier and improve your chances of success in the long run. Don't stay stagnant and hold yourself back – embrace opportunities to learn and grow. Your career will thank you for it.

The tools in question is Kubernetes and it's directly related to the persons day-to-day work (SWE + SDET mainly), 5 years is more than enough time to learn and adapt to a new toolset, and yet this particular person refuses to invest time into it. It's frustrating, to say the least, but also a disservice to themselves as they are limiting their potential and hindering their own career growth.

My boss is the CEO of the company, it's a small company with less than 15 people altogether. Now in the office it's even less there's 7 of us every day, the rest are remote or the boss.

The boss last week Thursday night sent an email talking about vacations, keep in mind she's currently on her third vacation in 6 months.

In the email she says no one but 'special' exceptions will be allowed to take summer vacations from now on, and if you would like to take your vacation you have to give a minimum of 4 months prior notice

Now I personally don't take vacations, (never needed to, no job before this was stressful enough to make me want to take one) but everyone else in the office is working on their resume's and planning to quit before the new year.

apparently being overworked and thrown under the bus time and time again, as well as an abhorrent number of other issues isn't enough to make people quit . but take away their vacations in the most hypocritical way possible and that's the straw that breaks the camels back.

I finally got a car, I've been practicing driving, and hopefully before September I'll have my license and that'll make it easy for me to get out too before things start collapsing too fast.

Oh so you have a merge conflict this weekend? The only time of the week I try not to think of ripping your nob off, tying a noose around your neck with it and drowning you in a well full of piranhas? Right, right...

How about you take that dick that you've been trying to locate since you were 5 and practice choking on it every day till you die just so you have enough experience to suck demon dongs in hell for eterniity! I seriously hope you die of cancer you fucking wankstain!

How about you go home and keep disappointing that whore of a wife of yours, you know that stinking pile of shit that you stick your dick in every two weeks?

Ok so you're a pretty good programmer. You don't take time to grasp stuff, but then we all know there are times when we all fail to understand certain things. But why does that 'making a fool out of yourself' incident HAVE to happen when your colleagues are around?
Scene 1:
Coding alone, no bugs at all. Perfectly optimized code. Runs with no compile-time errors or warnings.
Scene 2 :
Typing code. Colleague enters my cabin. Before even I execute it, finds 300 compile-time errors. All of them happen to be true
Judged for life..

Why, oh programmer god, why?

This week's huge fuck you goes to... Drumroll please...
Slack!

You earned this prize for your stupid auto-sleep if there is no interaction for x minutes!

I don't want to install your crap software on my system, so i am forced to alt tab every 15 minutes just to press space and then delete, because God forbids i am being productive on my freaking IDE, second computer, test device and/or meeting!
Also lovely how phone notifications are not sent on mobile unless you are on sleep mode... How could I ever ask for urgent notifications if i take a small break? Oh, right! I should go to sleep mode, so people will think i didn't touch your shitware for 30 mins every fucking time i go to the toilet! :D

Please get your prize whenever possible!

PM wrote a really high-level requirement doc and asked me about estimates.

Me: Well, functionality-wise it will take 4-5 days provided the design is ready.

PM: Our designers are really full on schedule; Just do it! Expand your creativity. I believe in your taste of UX

Me: Listen, the implemented design will take much more time to change if we go back and forth. It's better to revise on the designer's screen.

PM: Oh don't be so modest! I trust you already. Just focus on the functionality, get it done first. For the design we'll talk about it later. Move fast and break things!

Me: ..Sigh. This is gonna end up badly.

Hello guys im observing since some time your rants.
Here are people which are quite experienced.

I want to start as Freelancer in Germany, mostly for Web development.
All of my Customers are looking for a neat looking, responsive and fast Website.

What should I use and what Templates​/framework I could take as a blueprint for the future websites.

Any suggest are welcome!

Take your time with merge conflicts, and put the entire file in another editor in case you really mess up.

That moment when you sit to code and start learning a new thing, but the installation and prerequisites take up all of your time. *Sighs*

Ahhh DevRant, lemme tell you, having a girlfriend is great. Especially when she's there for you through possibly the toughest time in your life. Needless to say, I'd like to take on the incredible task of trying to show her my gratitude and love by using my programming prowess to make her something...

Unfortunately, I am stumped. I'm not much for art so I can't create Something overly visual for her, but I want it to have meaning. Any ideas folks? Seriously, what can I make my girlfriend? I need help :/

In every company, there are those non-tech people who try to come up with creative ways to make us not do any work: useless meetings, stupid company activities, "initiatives" cause,
"Gohd! you have to take ann iniitiative".

Okay, I get it. You have a lot of free time on your hand and wanna seem busy. I, on the other hand, want to finish my tasks, get paid, and get on with my life.

Lesson Learned: Don't ever be so ambitious that you are no longer realistic about your abilities. I remember when I started out, I would give unbelievably short TTC estimates for medium/hard tasks that would undoubtedly take some time.

“Practical” tech interviews for senior roles (from my experience): DONT worry! We won’t give you any “leetcode” problems!! Instead, we’re giving you only 40 minutes to do this huge laundry list of tasks that are simple but hella time consuming. We want to see how fast you can type. So you have 40 minutes to write a mini app while we take note of the shit ton of simple errors you make due to the time crunch as your fingers burn through the keyboard and then wonder why no one can pass our “simple” tech exam!!!!

DAMMIT!! the only tech exams I enjoy are ones that involve refactoring existing code bc everything else is a fucking speed test! I’d also MUCH RATHER take these exams WITHOUT someone there taking notes like I’m a fucking lab monkey!

When project managers are panicking and you know you are really so close from done, a few fixes and everything will fall into place. But manager is on your neck because "nothing is working" now you must take time to be their psychologist instead of working on what is actually making them panic 🙃 development is a rough space. One bug can stand in front of working products just like that

I really wanna say, please fuck off for a few hours. Thanks bye.

Day 2 of devWholesome...

Have another great day! Have fun and do something productive! It is always a great feeling when you finish something that requires a lot of time and effort. Finish that project that you started but never finished, clean your room, or maybe just catch up on school work! Make sure you are also taking care of yourself with your hygiene and to eat all your meals and drink plenty of water. If you are feeling stressed today, take a break and relax! And again, make the most out of your day!

You all know that these AI dev tools are reading your code right?

It is sending it back to a data center and doing evaluations on the code. This is like handing your code to an unknown entity with no guarantees for privacy or copyright protection.

This concept bothers me and I would have to consult with my employer to even determine if we wanted to take that risk. I think it is just a matter of time before a bad actor takes advantage of this and rips off a company somewhere.

I know this sounds odd, but I really find algorithms things of delightful beauty.

A creative solution to some very deceptively complex problems.

Sure, some implementations aren't the best, but seeing them after just makes me appreciate the time and effort that must have gone into designing things like Merge Sort, Binary Search, Greedy Algorithms, BST, and Dijkstra's Algorithm.

So! If your code is unoptimal, looks terrible, or is a sheer abomination, take a moment to appreciate the little piece of art you've made before you go and make it better.

Combatting imposter syndrome is all about being more realistic with yourself imo.

Not in the way you might think. By realistic, I mean you NEED to regularly tell yourself that you are doing your best - especially in the work or areas that can promote insecurities of “not being good enough”. Acknowledge that you are only human, that all of us are different, that all of us make mistakes, and all of us have different interests in life. That, and practice gratitude for your situation. Your interests and decisions lead your different paths, so might as well embrace, enjoy, and love your uniqueness.

That being said, I also think it’s important to do difficult things. I think @wisecrack said it the best in that “real learning feels like falling”. Like the uncertainty of the abyss causes the most anxiety. Next time you feel like you don’t belong, recognize and separate that feeling and reframe it as a symptom to your own self improvement process. Take that risk and do things that are uncomfortable in the pursuit of personal success.

I'm so sick and tired of people feeling threatened when improving upon their shitty code! I'm here to do a job and I enjoy my profession.

Don't take that away from me by wasting my time making me say every fucking time that I come from a good place and that I just want to provide a better solution AND not create fucking mess that will have to be rewritten when some ninja bugs occur because of completely unmaintainable crap nobody can understand. Holy shit!

I couldn't care less if you're 10 years in the company. I see that all the good devs left after dealing with your shit every God damn day.

I'm not here to deal with your insecurities and couldn't care less about pointing fingers! I just wanna do better and not write same level of quality over and over again!

You're not getting bonus points from me by sitting on your ass all day and half-assing everything you do with some lame ass excuse.

So no LGTM from me when it's utter error prone shit!

So if you don't wanna help, just get the fuck outta my way and don't waste my time! Jeeez

Everyday I get on my train, get off and go into the office, get some coffee, and sit down at my desk.

Everyday, all of us take a Blue Pill, and focus in on this world they give us. We don't consider this a part of our life. Brushing our teeth, flossing, making breakfast, sleeping .. those are also not our life.

Life are all the other things outside of the routine.

But we spend more time in our routine. We spend more time in our loops than outside of them.

Brushing your teeth, making coffee, coding at work, eating, sleeping: these things are your life.

All those other things, they're the escape from it.

One of the best times I had coding was when my friend and I were coding our very first program at University. Both of us had no prior experience with coding and really had nothing to do besides school. So we naturally became friends through coding.

Sometimes just thinking about those sorts of memories can take a great deal of stress of your shoulders, because one can think back to a simpler time.

Why don't managers/team-leads take into account the time that you get stuck on something that's stupid to ask but it eats up your hours :(

Remember, the more "cutting edge" and "thousands of clients" a company has is inversely related to the quality of documentation they have on their APIs and software solutions.

I don't give a fuck about your pretty examples, show me which FIELDS can take which VALUES. It's that simple. Instead, I'm wasting your company's and my own time by spamming support for what should be basic questions clearly outlined in the documentation.

OK I'll wait!

Like I don't have anything urgent to do. 🤔

Know your tools. Take some time to explore them. Knowing shortcuts, the capabilities of your IDE (and plug-ins), libraries and many more will look you like a wizard to others and can save you many efforts.

))| THE BEST AND WORST WAY|((
))| TO DELETE A LINE IN BASH |((

(Think you can do better? Vote
now on your phones!)

WORST: Hold backspace until satisfied
BEST: Using a pen or other pointing device capable of causing semi or permanent damage to your screen, count how many characters the line in question consists of. Write this down on a piece of paper (after all, your terminal is occupied) and using long division, or any other means, divide this number by two, rounding as you please. Press the "right arrow" key as many times as necessary to reach the end of the line. This might be 0 - if so, congratulations, you may skip this step! Once complete, refer to your piece of paper, and taking your newly calculated number, press the "left arrow" key exactly that many times. If you have a short attention span or are worried you will lose count, take a tally or use some other primitive count recording method. Once the key has been pressed the correct number of times, hold down either control key on your keyboard and take a deep breath - there's no going back now (!) - press the "k" key (you should still be holding a control key!) and take a sigh of relief. You're halfway there! If you need a break, take one. When you're ready to finish the task, hold a control key again and take another deep breath. When you are ready to complete the task (don't hold your breath too long!) press the "w" key. Congratulations!! Your line has been deleted!! Some may call you a fucking idiot for not just pressing ctrl-w at the start, but don't listen to those people! They probably delete stuff by accident all the time! Now, take a lie down, and give a moment's silence for the poor poor line you just brutally dissected and murdered.

Think you can do better? Vote now on your phones!

Whenever network issue is encountered,
Step 1:
Reset the router.
It fix the problem half of the time.
Step 2:
Take out the eth cable and plug it in your network admin ass.

As a teacher myself, I will always advice young people to go to school. Though I imagine it differs on the quality of education in your country.

I live in the Netherlands and here it's quite good overall. It's no Ivy League and there are plenty of exceptions but overall any technical study here is a good study.

I also teach at a small school (220 software engineering students) so I actually know my students and what generally need to get ahead.

But my main reasons for actually doing a study instead of going the self-taught route:

1. You spend +/- 4 years in presence of peers that are more or less in the same life phase as you are. You will make friends for life.
2. Companies value a diploma. Good for you that you landed a job on your 19th. Just wait until your 25, wanna switch jobs and don't even get to the second round of any application process because your CV does not list a diploma. This might change in the future but not for the next 5-10 years.
3. You will learn foundational stuff about most thing IT-related. Some things you'll never use. Some thing you'll use unknowingly every single day
4. It teaches discipline without major impact on your life if you fail something. OK, you failed a course. So what? Take it next year and take the time to do a side-project or internship during your study delays. It will teach you some life lessons without it costing you a job or your life savings, and you get some extra time to learn as well!
5. Retirement age by the time you retire will be 75. There's plenty of time to work. Why not spend 4 years with peers in a relatively safe and fun environment first?

TL;DR - small schools are actually fun, attend one

I would like to call out the moron who decided to control docker through HTTP when the maximum time the server can take to finish the task is longer than the HTTP timeout.
If you expect things might time out, you don't use a HTTP request. You use a resource and poll it, or Websockets, or possibly SSE.
Shoehorning your API into a frame that obviously doesn't fit doesn't help anyone. Just admit that you don't know what HTTP is and use a regular TCP socket with regular pings.

Take time to your self today to breathe and to get your spirit right

Client: Sure, take your time. It has to be done yesterday.

Well I learned about sockets before I learned about REST so take your pick of any early project that got server data by opening a socket and requesting information that way every time a client connected.

Nothing makes me not want to take a full-time job at your company more than having to go through IT tickets every quarter year when my password expires to actually change my password. Why have a fucking self-service portal for employees if logging in with an expired password doesn't work and the reset password link tells me that I need to log in to enroll with security questions (???). It feels like these websites are glued together with sticks and spit and there's a million of them each sporting one specific purpose! I have to go through this shit multiple times since I'm an intern and I didn't have access to my account through the course of the semester. Get your fucking shit together!

Deliberate and fully conscious procrastination. Distract yourself deliberately every few hours. Do something completely different in your free time and when procrastinating.

Also, take your time, think things through.

When debugging obvious typos and "impossible" causalities that you still not see after reparsing the code the tenths time - calm down, procrastinate a bit, and restart debugging - discarding assumptions and result from the previous tries.

what usually takes 2 minutes max now takes ages! Welcome to Gradle ...

Time to pump some iron. I'm getting fat and will do some cardio with complete body workout later. No excuses. Developers need to take care of their health and be fit! Let's do this guy's
💪😎👍 also eat some healthy diet and take lots of sleep. Your loved ones need you to be healthy.

*sends email to ops manager to explain nuget & git (yes, he is THAT guy)

*his reply "what's nuget?"

Ooooooooh! Why don't you open Google and do a fucking search you amazingly stupid twat!!! In what fucking era do you live in? What the fuck are you doing at work everyday, besides complaining about how time consuming your useless mundane tasks are? Take some of your undeserved salary and go educate yourself, you useless sack of shit! FUCK!

*meanwhile... Little grin on my face. *Shift+delete email.

<!--begin rant-->
When you take an online class thinking you can work at your own pace, but the teacher expects work on a Monday and Thursday schedule? The reason I took the class is to work at my own pace, wtf? If I had time on a Monday and Thursday I would've took it in school those days. Smh!!

Dear every app developer or web managers/designers that can read this.

Specificly, the ones who own a android app.

If you have an old android app that is still updated from time to time.

Please, take your time for just one minute.

AND REPLACE YOUR GOD DAMN OLD "Get it on google play" BADGE WITH THE NEW ONE, PLEASE! ITS NOT THAT HARD, WHY ARE YOU GUYS NEVER UPDATE TO NEW LOGOS?!

NOT JUST OLD APPS, EVEN SOME BEW STARTUPS ARE ACTUALLY USING THE OLD BADGE, WHY OH DEAR GOD WHY! WERE YOU LIVING UNDER ECLIPSE ROCK OR SOMETHING?!?