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User:"It's not working"
Me:"Have you turned it off and on again?"
User:"Yes"
Me: goes down there, system uptime is 360days...
"How do you turn it off?"
User:"by pressing the button on the monitor16 -
"WiFi is better than Ethernet because the air is bigger so it can hold more internet."
Yes, and horse-drawn carriages are better than cars because they have bigger wheels.13 -
teacher gives a question in a test : can you save a word document as a pdf.
me :Yes
teacher :that is wrong
me : shows her how to do it..
teacher : "oh well "16 -
Client :- The app is slow on my device, please fix.
Developer :- Working fine on all the devices I tested, are you sure?
Client :- Yes, it's very slow. I can't accept this app.
Developer :- (Recompiles the same codebase again) Here, try this, optimized a lot of calls, took me entire day to do so.
Client :- Yes, it is working fast now
Developer :- (evil laughs)11 -
My GF, an iOS QA, went for an interview with a large enterprise and was rejected.
Interviewer: Your current application is hybrid or native?
GF: Native, because it is written in swift using native iOS SDK.
Interviewer: Does it use internet?
GF: Yes.
Interviewer: It is a hybrid application if it uses internet. You know nothing about your projects. You are rejected.
GF: 😯21 -
Client: is it possible to make my computer unhackable, untraceable, and make it to were it can never get viruses?
Me: yes!
Client: How?
Me: Just don't go on the internet.16 -
Phone rings
Uh oh
Answers the phone
Its my boss
>the latest tool you made isnt working
Um... Yes it is?
>we cant run it because its a jar file
Um..
>how to you run a jar file?
Um... You click on it?
>it doesnt work, nothing shows up
(Maybe if you fucking read my documentation, you would see that it just generates the files you need)
>there are no files
Yes there are we tested on every possible hardware, theres no way to fuck it up
>there are no files
Okay maybe you just dont see them on your desktop, move the jar to an empty folder
>how do i do that
*hangs up*26 -
That moment when you ask your friend if he/she has plugged it in and they say yes and your answer is ”send a picture” and they respond with this....
12 -
"Is it just me or is Youtube down?"
YES
IT'S JUST YOU
THEY PICKED YOU OUT OF A BILLION USERS
AND TOOK IT DOWN
Sorry, good night.17 -
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.14 -
Client: When I hit the “Subscribe” button, it gives me an error.
Me: What’s the error message?
Client: The email field is required.
Me: Have you entered your email before hitting the “Subscribe” button.
Client: Oh, I have enter my email address?
Me: Yes
English is a very complicated language.7 -
BETA USER: Is this feature working? When I add a link I get an error that says "URL cannot be more than 255 characters."
ME (biting my tongue): Hi ****, Yes it works. The link you're trying to add is too long. Please try a shorter URL.
BETA USER: Oh, it should tell you that!
😳🤪🤬11 -
No, I'm not hacking.
No Linux is not a movie.
No, you are not a developer because you can put "Hello World" on a website.
No, this isn't a waste of my time.
Yes, I will use it.
Yes, I'll make you a website for free. NOT!
Your phone is both Android and Samsung.
No, what they did in the movie is impossible.
No, I can't predict the stock market.
No, I'm not Mr. Robot, but I know him...4 -
Recruiter: Will you like to do internship?
Me: yes,how much time I need to dedicate?
R : 40 hrs/week atleast
Me : Is it a paid internship?
R : No we will provide you with experience letter
Like seriously 40hrs/WEEK unpaid25 -
Fixing family / friends technical problems, episode 2.
Problem: "I lost my iPhone, I know there's a thing that lets you find it. Can you help?"
Debugging:
Me: sure, it's called "find my iPhone"
Friend: ah yes that's it. How do I use it?
Me: I'll show you, just login here and ... oh you didn't set it up?
Friend: Probably not, I don't know much about this computer stuff.
Me: ... when you setup your phone for the first time, it's a full screen thing that says "do you want us to locate your phone if it's lost. Yes / No". It's hardly writing an encryption algorithm now is it?
Friend: no it's not, but still I just didn't know. I probably clicked no for everything.
Me: ... says here you clicked yes for iCould ... and yes for photo sync ... so you read the one about your pictures but not about lost or stolen property ... nice.
Friend: ... so you can't find it then.
Me: No, natural selection took it away from you.
Friend: oh **** off.6 -
OH dear!
I wanted to do webdev backend in C++.
It was cumbersome so I decided to write a library that helps me and OH MY GOD. I have COMPLETELY changed C++ xDD
https://github.com/Wittmaxi/webcpp
(yes, the screenshot is ACTUAL C++ xD)
48 -
Guy: you said you were a software developer right?
Me: Yes
Guy: Do you know how to reset my phone?
Me: You do know a reset will wipe out all contacts.
Guy: Yes
Me: What phone do you have?
Guy: iphone
Me: (looks it up on google and shows him it)
Guy: is that a special app?
Me: its google
Guy: oh
I swear this was tuesday night and i was the one out of us that was drinking11 -
I just dropped a 32gb flashdisk with a lot of data yesterday. Today someone picked it up and email me is it mine, I said yes and he asked me to order a courier and pick it up from his place.
God bless this kid and may luck be always be with him
22 -
The interview was for an internship, I was so nervous about it and thats how I fu*ked it.
Q: So you have studied OOP?
A: Yes Sir, I have studied OOP in C language.
And the rest is history. 😃😃10 -
"Can our app work from 8am to 9pm, Monday to Friday?"
"Yes but it's an app, it can run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
"Oh... Is it possible to make it work only from 8am to 9pm Monday to Friday? They're our opening times and we want everything consistent!"
Slippery slope, a very slippery slope...7 -
Interviewer : "Do you know SQL ?"
Me : "Yes sir. I know SQL and I prefer NoSQL."
Interviewer : "So you know SQL and you don't want to do it for our company ?? This is arrogant !! "9 -
User: "Hey, can you help me? My program doesn't work."
Consultant: "What is the problem? Are you using Turbo Pascal?"
User: "Yes, the program just blocks the machine."
Consultant: "Well, does it compile?"
User: "I don't know -- it just doesn't run. You see? There's the EXE file. If you run it, it blocks the machine."
Consultant: "And where is your source, the PAS file??"
User: "I wrote it and renamed it to EXE so it could run."5 -
Client : your design is not cool. See this ^
*showed me some pretty neat designs pattern*
Me: which type do you want for your application.?
Client : All are pretty cool. Isn't it?
Me : Yes. But you do not need all of them. Right?
Client : Yes.
Me : So, which one.
Client : I'm confused But, this will do.
Me : Sure?
Client : Yes, very much.
After 3 days.
Client : you know what, earlier one was simple one but, best one. Easy to understand. This is (new design) making it complex. I need previous one.
Me : (I knew you'll say that, a**hole.) Just go to setting and select theme section to earlier version.
Client : thank you man.
Me : (You are red listed in my book you a**hole. Say anything else to add/edit and then see.) You are welcome.6 -
Client(On Call): I emailed some query a day before. I got a response too. But, i am not able to find answer of my specific query.
Me: Let me check that for you. Yes, it is there. See the mail carefully.
Client: No. It's not there.
Me: Can you read the whole mail for me?
Client: Sure. *Started Reading* Oh yes. Yes. it is here. *Hangs up the Phone.*
Me: Sigh.5 -
Me: Mom, I'm learning a new programming language
Mom: How is it called
Me: go
Mom: do u like it?
Me: yes, it's pretty
Mom: do u like it more than linux?
41 -
Prank calls then:
"Is your refrigerator running?"
"Yes? Why?"
"Well... you better go catch it! Hehehe-" *click*
Prank calls now:
"Is your server running?"
"Yes? Why?"
"Well... you better update your privacy policy! Hehehe-" *click*4 -
Yes Autodesk, I am fully fucking aware of the fact that it is not made for Linux but for what reason do you feel the need to block me from downloading it?! You know, there is Wine and there are also VMs... fucking pricks
And then they even start mixing languages 👏
15 -
Fuck any dev who thought playing sounds automatically on a webpage or on a mobile app without user's consent is a good feature. Especially when you don't even include a setting about it.
Yes I'm directly swearing at any devs from Instagram.10 -
Fuck yeah!
6 monitors are success-fucking-fully running on my setup.
Fun detail is that WITH the official AMD driver, one screen wasn't turning on and one had a weird resolution but WITHOUT it, it works completely fine!
Yes, it runs completely fine on Linux (Kubuntu).
Finally have my dream setup.42 -
Lead dev walks in:
"Remember what I said about doing dumb shit solutions in languages that no one understands?"
Me: "Yes.....why?"
Him: "That reporting script you did for <x department> needs some modifications and you decided for whatever fucking obscure reason to do it in perl"
Me: "I felt......experimental"
Him: "Well yes, that is cool and all but it needs some modifications as per <X director> and only your dumbass knows perl because you are just too fucking cute aren't ya?"
Me: "You think I am cute??? <insert spongebob blushing meme>"
Him: "I fucking hate it when you write shit in perl"
In my defense, it was a really short fucking script
For clarification: This was a friendly convo even though it doesn't sound like it. He is actually my employee, and a rather close friend, so there is that level of trust and comraderie29 -
I make games, I don't do frontend fucking webdev; this isn't my fucking job and I don't fucking understand it. Fuck you, client with money. (Yes that is a CSS for beginners page, no I don't care. Screw you.)
19 -
> twitter.com
> we detected your javascript is deactivated
> want to use the no javascript version?
> yes
> "403 Forbidden: The server understood the request, but is refusing to fulfill it."1 -
Manager: "If needed, are you willing to work overtime this month?"
Developer: "Yes. [ ... pause ... ] would you give me some over my salary for sometime?"
Manager: Yes, increment happens every 6 months.
Developer: "I am thinking beyond it".
Manager: "No, it is not possible"
Developer: "Okay"
** alarm clock vibrates **
Developer: "It is 5:00 PM now. I need to leave. See you on coming Monday at 9:00 AM sharp"
[Developer left]
Manager: "Byeeeee ... "2 -
Manager: I need you to come up with a quick, temporary solution.
Me: Ok...but it will be kind of hackish and ugly.
Manager: Yes that's completely understandable.
Me: So again you say this is just temporary right?
Manager: Yes we will come up with a permanent solution soon.
*that was over a year ago and the "temporary" solution is not-so-temporary it seems*10 -
SYS_ADM: We have something important on the internal GitLab?
ME: Please tell me it is working
SYS_ADM: I take it as yes...5 -
Friend: "Wow! Is it a Raspberry PI?"
Me: "It's another version called Banana, but yes."
Friend: "I want one too for the games!"
Me: "OK, it's easy. There's a ROM called Retro ..."
Friend stare at me intensively
Me: "Sigh... Ok, I'll setup it for you..."7 -
"Have you ever been in a conflict?"
Yes and it usually is resolved by deleting files then recloning3 -
Yes yes yes ... We all know HTML is not a programming language. Can everybody please stop leaving that as a comment in every single damn rant in this app?!?!?!
Seriously, get over it... I wonder where you would all be of there was no HTML.
Give
It
A
Rest
For
Fuck's
Sake25 -
Hide yo' wives and yo' onanism, the haxors are cumin... i mean, coming for you!
Found on Reddit :D
10 -
"Hey, about that matter from yesterday..."
"Yes, what about that?"
"We need to talk about that again! How often do you trigger that system?"
"Once."
"You sure?"
"Yes, but i can check it, if you like."
*find references*
"See, only once."
"Can it happen at a random point later one?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Can you check it?"
"Okay."
*shows code"
"Look here, as you can see, it will not happen at other times."
"Do you have an idea why it could happen anyway?"
"Maybe that system does the action without my software telling it to do so, wasn't that specified that way?"
"Yes, but it normally does that roughly 10 seconds after you give the command the first time, so we thought maybe you could say what makes it do the action at other points maybe."
"Did you check that systems sourcecode?"
"No not yet. But did that happen with the older version?"
"No. But we didn't try."
"Did you change something between the versions?"
"Yes, the new feature."
"Could that make a change in behaviour?"
"I don't see how."
"Can you remove that feature for test?"
"We can take the old version."
"No, we need the new version, but without the feature you added."
"That IS the old version, there is no other difference!"
"Are you sure?"
"Would you like to see it in source control?"
"No, ~ okay. What do you think causes the problem?"
"I haven't had any new ideas since we talked yesterday."
"Okay. Mhhh,...okay. Lets talk again later."
YES SURE! BRING IT ON! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! PLEASE COME BY OR CALL ME AGAIN! AND BRING THE BOSS WITH YOU, TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS THE MATTER IS! LET ME TELL HIM THE STUFF I TOLD SEVEN TIMES LAST WEEK!2 -
Uncle- What do you do?
Me- I'm a software engineer
Uncle- My brother's friend's son is also a software engineer.
Me- (so what am I supposed to do about it?) yes that's nice
Uncle- I have a great idea, u should implement, I'm just telling you, it is a revolutionary idea
Me- (oh fuck, not again) yes tell
Uncle- you should make a matrimonial site which tracks what people do on internet and tell their to-be-spouses about it
Me - (yeah, I'll get sued for breach of privacy, and it has got nothing to do with my current line of work, and will probably cause divorces before marriage) yes great idea uncle
Uncle- see I told you this billion dollar idea, u should do hard work and make it
Just WHY in god's name do all uncles think laptop is a magic box in which I just have to type their idea in and it will spit out a website/software in 2 minutes. I don't go around advising them about their line of work.11 -
My morning (RO = remote office):
Me: Your xxx implementation is very strange.
RO: Yes we are following a new example from experts in this field. See this link.
Me: Paragraph 1, use xxx class in these situations. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes we had problems with that, we decided to skip that.
Me: Paragraph 2, always use xxx when accessing data. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes that create many bugs, we skipped that.
Me: This section on debugging says to enable this flag while in development to allow the IDE to alert you to issues.
RO: Yes this causes the app to crash constantly. So we took it out.
Me: ... because its finding issues ... and telling you where the problem is, with an error message.
... your not following the experts at all.
RO: We are!, please read the link we provided.
... this will be discussed on my exit interview6 -
Code Review:
Me: this is wrong, it doesnt work when XY
Dev: yes but it will work in 99 of 100 Times, i won't change it15 -
I love it when companies expect you to care about their vision and act like the work is 100x more important than it is.
Oh yes and of course no overtime pay or decent salary that'd be too much!
😒😫🤯3 -
Overheard a phone call between the Senior Network Engineer and a contracted Printer-company at 9am this morning. Photocopier was giving a 'functional error' message on-screen and not printing;
N.E:
I logged this call last
Thursday afternoon. Thats 1.5 days of the photocopier not working on our busiest site! Where's the engineer??
.... yes, that's the error message.
Yes, i can log into it, you should have the IP address from the call.
Yes, it's obviously pinging too.
Yes.... we've power-cycled the printer multiple times...
yes, tried that too...
yes, I've unplugged the network cable as well... left it for 15 minutes.
... sorry. What?
What did you say?
Are you f***ing kidding me?
Would you also like me to rub the side of the f***ing machine, and say a prayer while I'm at it??
*takes a deep breath*
Fine, I'll do that but when it doesn't work, i want someone out on the site before lunchtime today!
*slams phone down angrily*
N.E to me as he stomps out of the office;
He wants me to get the user to unplug the network cable and do a power cycle. How the f**k is that going to help? Idiots! Don't know why we have a contract with them, i could do a better job!!!
*comes back into office 5 minutes later*
Me: did it fix it?
NE: yeah. Damn.
*leaves room again to make apologetic phonecall*2 -
So turns out the flight sim I'm doing time in at the moment is running XP. Yes, it is internet connected. Help
6 -
How I play mobile games:
-Try to hack it to get infinite $$$, God mode
-Success?
--Yes: play til bored or "finished" (they never finish)
--No: Uninstall
Is this efficiency optimization, maximizing utility, or cheating?14 -
Me annoying our dev:
Me: “Is your npm watch running?”
Him: “Yes!”
Me: “You better go catch it then... 🤣”
Him: “....”
I think we gatta let him go :(5 -
A logician comes back from paternity leave and enters his shared office.
His colleague: Hey! Congratulations with your newborn, is it a boy or a girl?
Logician: Yes.1 -
Apple at its finest. Sold the iPhone I used to own. Wanted to remove from iCloud. Open chrome on my Android device and was greeted with unsupported browser. Funny thing is it works if I tick open as desktop website.
Ffs apple. Your safari browser is the new IE of browsers. Yes my device is supported. Yes for Christ sake it can render stuff. It's not an old Nokia... Who even thought it was remotely a good idea to restrict mobile access...
5 -
My first AI program in the 1985 on Apple IIe (64kb ram computer) was answering simple questions with yes and no. Everyone were shocked with precision of about 100% when I was typing and 70-80% when others were typing. My parents were scared and skeptical. How it works? Store the time between the first key pressure and the following, when it is larger than 1 second the answer is yes, otherwise no. They say the question, you know the answer and type accordingly. When they want to write the question themselves, you try to force their typing speed if possible. I was 12 years old and it was very funny.3
-
These clowns make my blood boil.
fullStackClown: Hey I need some info on that specific color you want for this design
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this <<sends screenshot>>
fullStackClown: That is not a color, it is a screenshot
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this
fullStackClown: Do you know what hex code that is for that color? Can you ask the design team what color from our corporate identity they used?
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this
fullStackClown: Not helping... okay fine I used the eyedropper and I see the hex code is not used anywhere else in our app, so what color should I use?
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this
fullStackClown: ...22 -
This is just evil.
Unlocking a dark theme by inviting friends to a service I just wanted to try out.
Also the wording is annoying. Yes, I do want the dark them, I just don't want to spam my friends for it. Subscription process cancelled, dickheads.
14 -
Phone rings
-Hello! Do you have an a website?
- yes I have. Who's this
- is it running
- yes
- hold if otherwise it will might run away
- - hangs up - -
Phone rings again
- hello do you have a website
- no I don't 😠
- didn't I told you to hold it -
i hate this "She-EO" crap. they can call that feminism all they want, but all it does is set back women 40 years. yes, your red blazer is gonna break the glass ceiling honey 🙄12
-
Playing sound on OS boot is just as bad idea as automatically playing sound on a website load. Yes I'm looking at you Ubuntu.
// it can be muted I know but.. who decided it was a good idea in the first place?11 -
Qa: do you think this looks like the provided designs?
Me: yes I do...?
Qa: well it doesn't, please check
Me: well I hate playing find the difference, how about you fucking tell me what exactly is wrong?4 -
Not to say anyone here is right or wrong about this, but I just do t get the whole privacy paranoia. Yes, I get that our rights are being violated. Yes I know I need to be aware and concerned.
People use specials rims, VPN software, etc... The bottom line is every keystroke, SMS, voice call, search text, historical reference... every piece of digital communication is recorded (At least in the US).
The sad reality is I can be as angry as I want, but unless I forego using tech or leaving the house, there is nothing I can do about it.
I await your comments, both positive and negative.53 -
Yes, Mr. Client. It is extremely wise of you to demand changes on release-day. Of course it won't go smoothly, untested and buggy as it will be.
-
guys my mom is a PM help
shes been telling me what to do on my personal projects for the last to days like:
Mom: "Make it so when I click it, it becomes brighter and displays all the info"
Me: "I mean I could yeah"
Mom: "No you have to do it, I don't like it otherwise"
Me: "I understand, but this is kinda my thing-"
Mom: " k yeah and get it done in 2 days"
Me: "...yes, master"
(On a real note, she actually is a PM... what was I expecting...)12 -
*ring ring*
Me: Hello?
Unknown: We received info that your computer has a wirus
Me: and how do you know?
Unknown: We received a report
(Playing Along)
Me: Ok? How do I fix it?
Unknown: Sir, are you by your computer?
Me: Yes (No, I am at work 😇)
Unknown: Sir, do you see the ctr key?
Me: Yes (here it comes)
Unknown: Do you see the flag picture?
Me: Yes (Getting closer)
Unknown: Press both the flag key and the r key at the same time. (BINGO!!!)
Me: My computer crashed and it is saying your a scammer, so bye.
It is fun to trick scammers!4 -
Developer: Changes are difficult from here, are you sure this is how you want it. 🤔
Client: yes. 👍
Developer: ((3;"'&}×π{sk*[=¶^[|) ☕😴
Client: Oh, actually can we have this too and maybe remove this bit because we don't need it now thanks. ☺️
🤐🙃🔫3 -
Him: I am a software engineer.
Me: That is great, do you use specific technology?
Him: Multiple, but my basic is YouTube.
Me: Sorry, I didn't get it? You mean YouTube API?
Him: No need, I have a channel on YouTube... And podcast a lot about software engineering.
Me: So you don't write code anymore?
Him: I didn't, engineering is more than writing codes.
Me: Yes it is....13 -
When project manager is talking about things that I have no idea but I just keep saying "Yes, I can do it"
1 -
I started to get super pissed off to people saying you don’t need a college, masters degree to get an IT job. Instead go and gain practical knowledge, showing your practical certificates projects is much better than a having a degree that doesn’t prove if you can do the job or not.
Is a degree absolutely necessary to get a job? No, I agree on that. You can tear yourself apart to be known make projects loads of people contribute in GitHub spend maybe years on practicing and creating stuff for your portfolio..
But excuse me what do you think people do in college studying degrees? Are we getting it from the shop in the corner on a Saturday?
Respect people’s achievements and titles. Especially Masters degrees push you hard, make you sweat apart from loads of courses you work at least a year on a practical project, dissertation, thesis and only pass if it is your own opinion and findings. It is not like a multiple choice exam certificate or you study watch videos for few months and create a web page.
Don’t throw shit on people’s efforts and accomplishments without knowing how it is achieved just because you don’t have it.
Yes it is not necessary. Does it make you learn? Yes! Is it practical? Yes! Does it help you get a job? Hell yes! Why most companies look for degrees? Do you think they might know what it takes to get it and the skills and knowledge you gain?
Don’t come and say in IT degrees not worth it without even knowing how to draw UML. Without knowing IT management you go and be a leader later on, no clue on how to manage projects, people and soft skills sweeping the floor.
It doesn’t matter if you are a YouTube celebrity or a president. What does the title say? “Master” now go, respect and digest it! Don’t be a sour loser.
Ooh I am fierce today and not done yet12 -
Just upgraded to Android 12 and what the fuck is this new UI
make it stop
Hm yes let's make the buttons 14 times larger than they need to be, also put text on them no one ever needed
34 -
6 hours of weekly progress report meeting in client’s office EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY.
Yes it’s a progress report meeting that can be done via email or skype
Yes it takes 6 hours
When we go to the meeting, we have
1. The boss
2. The 1% PM + 99% sales guy
3. The secretary who document everything in that meeting
4. Me as a dev
The only thing i do is to answer “yes, that’s technicaly possible” or “no, that’s stupid” when the client ask for some features or changes.
Sometimes i’m just being an accessory in that meeting.
It was years ago before i quit and become a designer 👌🏼5 -
Who is the guy who designed the AZERTY keyboards ? 😠
Seriously... Alt Gr + 5 = [
And the most horrible thing is the "(" char... WHY THE FUCK DID HE PUTS IT IN THE "5" KEY WHEN KEYBOARD IS IN LOWERCASE ? YES, IN LOWERCASE, NOT ONLY WHEN SHIFT IS HOLD.
There are more than 100 keys in a keyboard, so why here? WHY?
Half of time I check if CapsLock is off just to be sure if I can open a bracket just because someone thought it was a good idea to put it here. It annoys me.13 -
I'm 4 days into my new job, and so far I am absolutely loving it. Here's my setup. Yes, they gave me 3 monitors plus a laptop, so my setup has 5 screens! Now I can die happy :D
Definitely worth noting as well, since it caught me by surprise - the company-supplied laptop is a powerhouse. High-end i7 CPU, mid-to-high-end NVIDIA GPU, tons of ports, 1TB HD, 4K display, and 48 GB RAM. Yes, 48 GB. I am truly blessed, starting off my career with this. ^_^
11 -
Boss: Hey, remember the module due to Friday?
Me: yes...
Boss: the deadline was moved.
Me: (good news?) Ok, when is it due now?
Boss: tomorrow.
Me: ...6 -
I'm tutoring multiple courses in my school, including CCNA 1, html, JavaScript, IT essentials which is just an introduction to particles of a computer.
[Student]: So do you know that course about computers?
[Me]: mhm.....they all are kinda...you mean it essentials?
[Student]:Yes! The one where we type code between tags, right?
[Me]:Wait....html?
[Student]:Yes!
[Me]: yes, I am helping with that course.
[Student]: Oh cool...so how do I do thumbnails?
[Me]: /Opens the IDE/ same as a regular image except for it's a link that opens a bigger version of an image /blah blah blah/. You know how to insert the image on the page, right?
[Student]: Don't we just open the Google and search images?
[Me]:...
[Me]:....
[Me]:...omg my shift is over...
I wish I was making it up. -
Yes, thank you bash, I know Nano is the easiest and I am a pussy developer for not using Vim. Now shut up about it.
3 -
Microsoft Teams has stickers, with a “meme” category.
And yes it is just as awful as you'd expect...
17 -
(Instant Message)
Client: Are you there?
Me: Yes speak please.
(Why don't you just leave the message? It's not like having a phone call…)
Client: The contract is ready. I'll send it to you.
(Waited for an akaward 10 minute…)
Client: ???Can you receive it???
(Omg are you doing SSL handshake or what? Just send the file!)
Me: Yes I can pleasre send it to me thank you so much.
So after promoting Flutter to the clients (for whom cross plateform solution are perfect match) for almost a year, today I finally got the first ever Flutter App contract. I believ e time for Flutter is really coming. Wish me luck!3 -
Usually when you ask "I have a problem with service X, who wrote it?".
The answer is "Y wrote it but he left the company XYZ years ago".
In company I currently work the the answer is "Oh yes X wrote it 20 years ago, go ask him"11 -
Context:
PM is not an IT professional but somehow leads IT operations ... (yes... I know)
---
PM: "Hey xxzero0, do you remember about the XYZ project?"
xxzero0: "Yes, tell me"
PM: "I told the big boss we can use it to make starships and explore the universe, I also said we can cut the developing time because we are already at 70% with it".
xxzero0: "....... Do you understand we planned to use this project to deploy a small ship in the sea?"
PM: "Yes, but you clearly inexperienced developer, don't know it needs only some refactoring to explore the universe"
xxzero0: "It is more complicated. There is no logic at all. It is just displaying data without doing anything and..."
*Get interrupted*
PM: "Yes, we need some refactoring, I'm such a genius."7 -
It happened just now.
Yes, I put "there is no need to be upset 10 hours" on governmental terminal.
#hackerman
How? Well, I discovered that it was web ui, so random menu category -> random external governmental website with Google map on it -> you know the rest.
4 -
Customer: Do you need my computer password?
Me: Yes, I do. Why don't you write it down for me? *fills out work order form while she writes down her password*
Customer: Here you go *slides me sticky note with password on it*
Me: *usual spiel about computer repair stuff*
Customer: *leaves*
Me: *to Coworker* So this lady's password is "AmishForLife* (modified for security purposes).
Coworker: On her iPad?!
Me: And her computer, yes
Coworker: *laughs*
Me: I wonder how well that's working out for her... -
Yes Forbes. I definitely believe that Deepin is one best glorious Linux. No way China has anything to do with it :3 👍
10 -
Me: Hey can you sign up for tool X. Our company has an enterprise license, theres an internal form to fill out.
Him: Sure, I filled out a form and it says i'm on a waiting list, not sure if I used the right link.
Me: Was it a form on our companies intranet site?
Him: Yes.
Me: Did it say tool X on the top?
Him: Yes.
Me: Did it say sign up / create account?
Him: Yes.
Me: So I asked you to sign up for tool X under our companies license. You went onto our companies intranet, and filled out a form for that tool, that said create an account ... where exactly is the confusion? If there was more than one way to do it, I probably would have said something.5 -
In the past, we used skype, hipchat, slack and now ... Microsoft Teams. What a tool.
Yes Teams, it makes total sense to tell me that my message is too long. I totally get it that you want me to rewrite my message and yes Teams, I should have rather attached it as a file to my message to begin with. Yes Teams, I wait for you to finish uploading those files before I can send the message. I'm sure there would be disastrous consequences if you send the message with my attached files as soon as you finished uploading. I don't even want to be productive. Thanks for helping me out.6 -
I hate it when I ask the customer where did they test it or where the error is.. On test or on production? And the answer is yes. O.o2
-
I saw an article saying, What Programming Language Should I Learn First? 2017
It suggested, JavaScript!
😏 hmmm....
What do you think, yes or no?
(And no this is not personal question, just an article I was reading 😃)22 -
-Hi, my PlayStation’s storage is almost full? Can you change it?
Me: yes, but why not just buy an external one....
-We can’t add games on it.
Me: ... See here. Read. It’s possible. How much storage does the PS have now?
-93GB
Me: ... Total? 500 GB?
-Yes, I think.
Me: buy a 4 TB one will last long enough.
-Ok. Can you come to install it if it’s arrived?
Me: Ok...
Can’t people just read on fucking internet how to connect an external drive to a PlayStation??
I don’t understand... I’m a software guy not fucking hardware...11 -
1) bugfixing
2) bugfixing
3) bugfixing
No, seriously, I love finding & fixing bugs.. it never gets old..frustrating at times yes, but it is never boring..4 -
Purple, Ahh yes, the nice colour purple... dont you love looking at something and thinking, "Wow, thats some nice purple"
well, I fucking dont, fuck that piece of shit colour, I FUCKING HATE PURPLE, why?
BECAUSE IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST! FUCK PURPLE, FUCK IT, ITS FUCKING BLUE! THERE IS NO FUCKING PURPLE!
WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST! THERE IS BLUE AND RED, BUT. THERE. IS. NO. FUCKING. PURPLE!
And dont get me started on brown, that nice brown chocolate, these coffee beans...
IF IT WOULDNT LOOK LIKE DARK-GREEN I WOULDNT FUCKING HATE IT! WHY DOES IT EVEN EXIST!
(if your wondering, yes. I have a red-green colour deficiency)31 -
At work:
** fast typing from lead and me fx**
** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**
Lead Devel: Yo Al
*still typing fx**
Me: whats good gansgtah
L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?
** now I stop typing **
Me: .....yes......fuck
Him: yes...fuck
O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......2 -
* Yesterday:*
PM: Yes, so, could you please do those changes on this page tomorrow by 3 pm and push to prod?
Me: Yeah sure! Noted :) (task is to "untick" a checkbox in a page's settings on our CMS)
* the next day -- 11 am *
PM: erm yes so please can you do the changes I told you about, it's getting urgent and you didn't start it already and it stresses the hell out of me because today is friday and it needs to be up and running fine for Monday 12pm and you don't work on weekend so I'd like yo-
Me:
2 -
Saw the rant @blauesocke made a few weeks ago. Glad to see I'm not alone in my madness.
And yes, that is a piece of cardboard. I didn't have anything better, and I've already grown too attached to it now
3 -
So the lecturer refused to answer(yes he's a jerk) but after void can it be anyword for a function or is there specific words that can only be used?
I was confused when he put void flashing...
We were using processing.
8 -
Reinstalling Android Studio.
It takes a while.
So you take a rest, exercise a little. Sure, it will installed when you'll come back ready to throw yourself into deep work, with fresh energy.
You come back.
There is a pop up: Do you want to send usage data to google ? Nothing installed yet.
Only Yes/No option. Where is the "Fuck you" option?12 -
Yes, 'cuz lightning is a better innovation over type-c. No wait, it is so not. Apple did move to type-c on ipads and macs ditching their own magsafe and lightning.
Fuck Apple's innonovation.
😒😤😤😤 .
28 -
I am really getting sick of recruiters contacting me with "great opportunities" then when I ask questions about the post they just give me the answers they think I want to hear. I know when you're lying because if you knew the answer you would have led with that. At least say you'll find out more and then give me a follow up response.
Recruiter: Would it be possible for you to deliver hacking training?
Me: You mean pentesting?
R: Yes, that.
Me: Well, what will it be used for? Breaking into peoples networks and spying on them?
R: Yes, they'll want it to be able to spy on people.
Me: Well, that's unethical, I'm only interested in defensive security practices.
R: Yes, they'll only want it for ethical reasons like defence and against bad guys.
Me: *dirtiest look I could muster*
I mean there's gullible and then there's what ever it is you think I am.2 -
Wow, the India Post's official website has a captcha while tracking a package.
The funny thing is, the captcha is in a text format, meaning it can be copied (yes, ctrl + c works) and be pasted in the text field.
COMPLETELY DEFEATS THE WHOLE PURPOSE.
cheers to its developer.6 -
“I sent a document to print but it hasn't come out... I think the printer might be broken”
NO! The printer is not BROKEN just because you can’t print. You see that person over there at the printer? Yes, that one collecting their print job now? THE PRINTER IS NOT BROKEN! -
Okay. For fuck sakes, writing complex code that's meant to handle "everything" and is "super generic" can be a fuck up. Like just keep shit simple. THAT is the show of great and impressive work. Over engineering is not it. Yes your shit works and yes your shit is fancy but was it needed? How long did it even take you for this over kill? How long will it take the next person to understand or not.
Someone now has to sit and run through your shit to get what you were doing. Instead of just being able to look and once and have it all figured out.
Keep things simple.
Lost 2 hours on bullshit 🤬4 -
Firefox: You know what our users need?
Ads in new tabs!
FML
Yes I know it is "optional" but why should it be there in the first place?3 -
!rant
TFW your graphics ASM code works on the first try.
Yes, it just happened to me, and it's a relatively annoying rectangle drawing routine.
Writing complicated ASM code and making it work on the first try is definitely a new thing to me, I feel so powerful! >:D4 -
Why is Drupal so hard to learn?!!!!!!
It feels like you are learning an entirely new language. Yes it makes hard things simple, at the same time making simple things hard to accomplish.
And also modules are buggy, you would fix bugs instead of doing your tasks.
I want to learn Drupal but I guess it is not friendly for beginners like me.12 -
Casual chat with a girl in Facebook.
Me : Hey, What are u doing these days?
She : I'm completed a IT course.
Me : hmm... Interesting, What are the languages you have learnt at the IT course.
She : I learned English
Me : (Close the Chat,
Blocked her,
Shuts down the PC)
(Yes, Yes, This is a true story.)4 -
Yes, I will definitely consider that Microsoft.
Windows is such a mess... Fucking hate it. Let's see for how long this fresh install will keep its shit together -.-
11 -
Ask yourself as you plan the meeting:
1. Is an email a better solution to this?
If the answer is yes, plz just send the fucking email. Else, try and find a way to make it an email instead. If all else fails then yeah go ahead and have your stupid meeting. -
On a scale of 1-10, how lazy are you when it comes to prototype code?
Me, well I'm a 'fuck it lets just wildcard anything that is a child of a GLib objects'
Don't be like me kids...
EDIT: Yes i know it should have been an override void
4 -
Whenever tech support answers "yes, i can help you with that sir",
what they really mean is "no, but i will google it for you" -
I probably just found out that a table in our db has two columns for the same thing. And yes, the numbers are non-trivial and do not always match each other. My senior is now looking into it and it seems hilariously painful.2
-
Do you think refactoring code adds value?
Pick one:
1. Hard No (Only refactor when there is a dollar value associated with it, i.e new feature depends on it).
2. Somewhat Yes (Futureproof your code, anticipate easiness to build feature requested in future).
3. Yes (Developer happiness, retention and for point 2)27 -
Being the dumbest smart person is way better than being the smartest dumb person. Here is looking at anyone ever trying to tell me how to do my job yet you cannot read a fucking error messag. Yes incorrect password means you got it wrong, dim witted cunt
-
Manager: this feature is not working correctly
Me: yes it is
Manager: no it isn't, change it to do X
Me: but X doesn't account for half of the logic
Manager: I don't care just get it done
(1 day later)
Manager: hey, the changes you made aren't accounting for some of the logic we need. Change it back immediately!
Me: ...3 -
I just love when:
Programmer: I just hate people working with X language. They are so average and can't reach a thing...
Me: Yes, of course, but you also work but with the X full-time, right?
Programmer: Well yes, why?
Me: oh nothing, just wondered...
And in my career I've seen so many cases like this... They all whine that X is bad, Y is for noobs but still continue to work with it themselves...4 -
Being kept up for the entire night.
You ask yourself what is keeping you awake, after all you need to meet with a client about presenting what they ordered from you.
Did you debug it? Yes.
Did you back it up incase something happens? Yes.
Did you get it done in the correct time period? Yes.
Did you export it in the format they had requested? Shit. -
- - Hey buddy, can you create a simple App for me to publish on the Play store?
- let me see first what features you need
- - **Spending 20 minutes talking about so many features and out of the box design**
- that's it?
- - yes that is it, it'svery simple I know it !
- so you think it's simple huh? so fo it yourself !...4 -
Do you want to run the script? Yes, No, Print. Wait what?
What is the intention of 'print'? Will it print the question out for me? :D
5 -
Someone is whining about how hard Git is in an article they wrote. They work for GitHub. The article was posted to HN.
Yes, let's make things so easy a literal baby can do it.16 -
When a manager asks if you can implement a feature (their are legitimately not sure if it is even possible) and you say yes and they say, "Good, 'cause I already assured the client that we would provide it on the next release"
Like, what the actual fuck...1 -
!rant
If someone asked you to fill a partition with garbage data, what's the fastest way you'd use?
My fav is a piped 'yes' command. I've seen it max SSD's out.10 -
4 months into the journey at an ambitious streaming startup we, a team of 10 engineers (primarily full stack), sets up a tiny and performant express.js api setup.
We document plans for improving the maintainability, including outlining specific practices (not very different from general node best practices) that need to be followed for all new development.
Enter a new engineering manager (dedicated backend manager), henceforth referred to as S, with a rat face and brain that belongs in a rat hole.
Week 1:
S: let's push this new feature out asap
Dev: it'll need a couple of weeks to get done right
S: let's push out a functional version tomorrow, and revamp in the next iteration
Dev: ... (long pause) there's documented practices specifically directing against this
S: can you not do it by tomorrow
Dev: not if it needs to be done right
S: all you need to do is.. (simplifies changes spanning 5 modules into a 3 line summary)
Dev: yes, (outlines how each changes chains into the others, and how to keep the development maintainable for atleast a few months)
S: (interrupts every sentence saying "yes dev, I understand, yes yes")
Dev: could you please tell me how you expect me to connect (outlines two modules that would fail unless developed as standalone services)
S: Yes dev, I understand, yes yes. I don't have much experience with Node.js, so I can't tell you that.
Dev:
<_<
>_>
O_<
Our.. entire.. backend.. stack.. is.. Node. (Months of motivation, cultivated through hard work over late nights, dies inside)
I need a J and some sleep.6 -
Common misconception is that low efficiency technologies (react native, in this case) are completely useless. That is not true at all. Im building a smart home, and yes i want a mobile app, but 90% is just requests to endpoints, so its way simpler to just copy paste some buttons inside a js file than do it properly with native. Would i use it in prod? Fuck no. Would i hack together a bunch of buttons? Fuck yes.8
-
Whyyy are dictionaries unordered in python. Fuuuck.
(Yes I know of OrderedDict, no you don't have to remind me - it is not a native data type, it is a module: argument over)8 -
Why OneDrive is so slow?
It took almost an hour to load the whole page of 1.2 GB of photos.
Yes, my internet connection was stable that time. Thank you. -
Spent the last half hour helping my wife over text trying to "fix" FireFox. She said any site she tries to go to just "spins and spins". Chrome, Edge, all work fine. Tried the trusty 'ipconfig /flushdns'.
Me: "Open the command line, by selecting Start and start typing cmd. You'll see the Command Prompt application. Right click and run it as an administrator"
<15 seconds later>
Her: "Do I left click or right click to run as adminstrator?"
Me: "Left click. You'll get a pop message, just click yes"
<about 10 seconds later>
Her: "This thing popped up, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
<more waiting>
Her: "Says something about making changes to my computer, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
Her: "Is it going to make changes? Are you sure I should click yes?"
Me: "YES!!"
Her: "Don't yell at me. You're supposed to know how to do this, not me. What do I do now?"
Me: "Type ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'Type ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, just ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "Yep, just put a space between ipconfig /flushdns and press enter"
Her: "Is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of ' ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, the space goes between ipconfig /flushdns, not before."
Her: "You're not making yourself clear. OK, now what?"
Me: "Press enter"
Her: "It didn't do anything."
Me: "Did you press enter?"
<more waiting>
Her: "OK, it's done. Now what?"
Me: "Restart FireFox"
Her: "Still not working. Just spins and spins."
<not 100% sure restarted FireFox>
Me: "I'll look at it when I get home."17 -
The moment, when you're coding a new feature on friday, your code somehow behaves weird in firefox... dev console shows unexpected behaviour and you're starting to think YOU ARE GOING CRAZY...
And then.. you find a fricking fucking Bug from over 12 YEARS AGO which STATUS IS "NEW"!
"Yes, the problem still persist with 2.0.0.11"
"This is indeed still an issue in version 3.6.3"
"Yes, it still exists in FF 4."
"Bug still present in Firefox 8."
"This ticket is almost 10 years old. Switch to Chrome."
CONGRATS FUCKING MOZILLA! THANK YOU! <3 <3
https://bugzilla.mozilla.org/show_b...2 -
Why the fuck do offline-enabled (music, video) apps load forever on slow network but instantaneously in airplane mode? Is it so difficult to show cached content first and refresh only once downloaded? Yes, I mean you, Spotify, Amazon Music, Amazon Video and Audible!!! 🤬1
-
Can anyone tell me why is it good to use some crap language that transpiles to javascript? Yes i hate js too but 90% of my time using reason/ts/elm is just
>ddg how to do x in y
>no answer
>Js.unsafe.eval "js code"
Like???? None of them is a 100% complete wrapper???6 -
My uncle: I am very updated with technology, you can download the ebooks I torrented on my server
Also my uncle: Ipad 2 is the newest generation, it's definitely after the ipad mini
Me: no it isn't
Uncle: yes it is
Me:3 -
Just came across this gem. What's wrong with it??
Yes, the threat of SQL injection here is a legit response, but in this particular case that's not the answer I'm looking for.
Hint: This method gets called a lot!
15 -
Me: "Sweet new Xcode update"
Me: "I'm sure they fixed all the bugs"
*starts download*
Xcode: "Want to upgrade to the latest Swift syntax?"
Me:
*clicks yes*
Me:
Me: "Fuck it, next release is 'fully rewritten from the ground up'"1 -
Look, I get it. Wordpress sucks. It’s bloated. It’s slow. It’s not elegant. It’s a nightmare to debug and code for. The plugin ecosystem is an insecure, confusing mess of outdatedness and issues.
We can all agree that in a perfect world all power to determine everything about a website, from the code to the content, would be in our power as developers. But we don’t live in a perfect world. People want convenience, even at the cost of performance and security, and they will inevitably resent technologists who refuse to give it to them. We do ourselves and our customers a disservice when we only do what we feel is in our own best interests or preferences and not what will help them with their realities.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s a pain. Yes, it’s in demand and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.
And that’s all I have to say about that.5 -
Friend: "Why isn't my screen turning on with my computer?"
Me: "It's not plugged in."
Friend: "Yes it is. It has power" -
It finally came! Super excited.
Yes it takes amazing pictures even in the dark and the radar is super cool. Can't wait to dig into what I can do with the radar.
13 -
I was taught that an IDS is a passive protection method, and an IPS is active. My security+ boot camp is trying to tell me IDS is active. Thoughts?
And yes, I'm still studying for this, I've been avoiding it because I'm salty I failed by one. But now it's a requirement, so I have no more time to avoid. :(4 -
Is apple a fruit? Yes.
Is orange a fruit? Yes.
Is apple an orange? No.
Does apple equal a fruit? No.
Does orange equal a fruit? No.
If you're capable of understanding this, then WHY IS IT IT SO DAMN HARD TO UNDERSTAND 0 == ""?11 -
"could you fix my computer this weekend?"
hmpf...
"kay"
"i already found an infected File and removed it"
"WHAT?"
"yes, Windows tried to prevent me from deleting but I opened console and removed it"
"where was it?"
"somewhere it a folder called System or so"
HOLY FUCK WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE IT AS IS IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU EXACTLY DO????2 -
(Internal IT communication)
- Which one is the right email account for xxxx ? aaaa@ourcompany.com or bbbb@ourcompany.com?
- Yes, that's the correct one.5 -
Opened up the authenticator on my watch yesterday and one of the codes (yes this is when you can use plural for the word 'code') was 7000000. Unfortunately I wasn't able to snap a photo of it... :(5
-
Why people are saying Python is an easy language? I mean yes, if you write c/java code with python it may seem easy, but writing proper python code, in a pythonic way is not so easy.
SO DON'T TELL PEOPLE THAT'S IT EASY LANGUAGE because new commers later they come with absurd code and ask people to fix it.7 -
Why exacly PHP contains "T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM".
Yes, I googled what that is, I understand message, yet still it strikes me if PHP creator was high that night and later figured T_THE_DOUBLE_COLON_THING_OF_MAGICK is not what he aims for and out of wtf'ness temporarly forgotten english?
And what is your theory on that8 -
Corona times and remote work be like:
hm, can't connect to my pc at work again. Why is it down? Whatever
*starts writing to collegues asking if anyone is physically present and could kick (aka. boot.) the pc.*
ah yes, fun times7 -
So I made a bit research about voice control /alexa /Google Home..
I came to the conclusion that when in like 20 years voice control is in every household, it WILL play ads randomly every hour. Yes. They'll do it!1 -
It's been broken in production for two weeks, and you want to tell me it's "drop everything urgent" now? Is it important? Yes. Is it urgent? No.
Also, how the fuck did you not know this was broken for two weeks, and what the hell do you want me to do about it now? It's your codebase, it passed all the tests in staging AFTER I made my changes to the infrastructure.1 -
This is a bitch move, yes, but a clever one. This is a screenshot of some official chrome extension made by Apple. Notice how Apple represents a “typical non-Apple computer” as some dated, old, arguably ugly design. It surely looks a generation or two older than Apple devices around.
31 -
Asked our designer today if a 2px radius is really needed. He said yes. So we showed him his designs and he said it looked shit... thinking we chnaged the radius... bloody designers3
-
"Did you test it?"
"I can't remember"
For this question, Yes = yes, everything else is no, people just don't get it.1 -
`if (sequenceNum - 1 != -1)`
instead of
`if (sequenceNum != 0 )`
lol
and yes what it does is to check if we are at step 0 of sequential thing. I was confused for 5 minutes. just to accept that he doesn't mean something else by it.3 -
Head of IT: kindly check what the issue with the following transaction
Me: Is this on production or on staging?
Head of IT: YES
Me: 🖕🏾 🖕🏾1 -
Buyer's remorse is a bitch. Yes, it's the top shelf gadget. Yes, it may very well save my life. Yes, I've wanted it badly since it got released. Yes, I will be using it on every occasion.
But it's 300€ ffs...9 -
apple is an IT company..
"New apps and app updates will not be accepted December 23–27 (Pacific Time), so any releases should be scheduled, submitted, and approved in advance."
Ah yes, because ofcourse the servers can go home and spend the holidays with their applets.
(yes i know apple says they verify by hand, yes i know in reality they actually automate it)5 -
!rant
I just realized... DevRant is what happens when someone says "I have this killer idea for an app, it's just like Facebook. We have to make it, but it's easy" ...and you respond with yes.5 -
This is my mom's phone (yes I have access..fingerprint access, she doesn't 😝).
I just cleaned it up.... And now gonna run an experiment.
Which Weather app will she use? (Actually on my Android phone I use DarkSky but it cost money) 😐
1 -
I've seen JavaScript client-side app that was connecting directly to DB using hardcoded (obfuscated, lol) DB password xD
And yes, there was no DB setting that this user is read-only and only from few tables. It was like GRANT * ON *. -
Me: Hey programming languages, is 0 == [ ] ?
PHP: Nope. It's not.
Python: Nope. Easy.
Java: Heh. No it isn't.
Javascript: Oh, um yeah, hurrr durrr harr harr YES it is.
But screw it, hAvE yOu hEaRd oF nExTjS? wE sUpPoRt sQl qUeRiEs nOw.30 -
I think my laptop is living and hates me... I press shutdown (Yes the actual windows shutdown and not long-press power button) I close my Laptop, expecting it to shutdown, right? Nope... It goes to sleep mode and next time I open it up, it continues to shutdown... It's like it doesn't want to shutdown and is playing a joke on me.....13
-
So I’ve finished the project (YES FUCKING FINALLY I KNOW) but it’s not official until I turn in the code to my client (FUCK) and see if he wants me to add anything or if it’s good how it is. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻2
-
That is a barier which i saw seveal time falling to the ground...
And now there is this little ASSIST under it....
I am sure you are wondering what is that COMPANY that MADE the barrier and you cannot read it because it in bulgarian. Yes you guest it its "ASSIST". That means the COMPANY have THE BEST NAME.
Hope you get it.
-
Vendor lock-in for cloud providers is really small, and you don't notice it until you need it. Route53 has an "import zone file" button, but they don't have an "export zone file" button. Yes, there are other tools and scripts to do it, but bit-by-bit AWS, GCP, and Azure make it difficult to leave.2
-
Being on time for that 10 am stand-up meeting.
Yes, all the cool kids are doing it. Yes, sometimes there is a benefit in being in the office at the same time as your colleagues. Yes, communication and backbriefing is important.
Yet why has it to happen at that early early possible time? Yes I know other places are worse demanding to be in office starting from 6 to 9. (I wonder why I don't work there. Oh wait, I don't.) Some companies even try to trick you with free breakfast in the morning. Thanks, but no thanks, I just want coffee.
Here's a crazy thought: You let me do my work on my terms when and where and I guarantee I invest the hours we agreed upon in the contract and try my very best to achieve the current goal, and maybe I'll be a happy and productive employee.
How about that? No. Ok. By the way, is this a good time asking for the possibility to work from remote? Also no? Ah okay. Didn't think so ...2 -
Can you make me this page please.
Me: its done its 100% like the psd you send me
She: yes but this component is bigger then this one
Me: its the same here the css proof
She: can you change it ?
Me: ( this will change the hole component and douin the same shit ) yes i will do it for you.
She: again this is not the same size
Me: ( what the fuck i said to shut is mouths ) ............. Fml -
I've decided to, as an educational exercise, implement DEFLATE compression / decompression and zip file format, and eventually tackling Excel format (which is just a .zip) so I can generate true excel spreadsheets (instead of .csv files) client-side using JavaScript.
Are there already libraries that do this? Yes, but then I don't get to try to implement these interesting algorithms. Is it currently 1 AM? Yes. Do I have work tomorrow? Also yes.
If I don't just fall flat on my face, I'll post updates!1 -
My weirdest dream about programming?
I was sitting with my buddy and we were programming, and literally, verbally arguing with compiler that he should compile, and he was spewing out different errors each time we compiled, and it somehow matched our arguments, so it literally was "replying" with different kind of errors ;-;
I mean, we didnt change code, but tell to compiler "no, no, no, you dont understand. This error is wrong, becouse here and there is this and that and it just should work" **pressed compile again and gets different errror**
Yes, that was after few nights of c++.
Edit:
yes, in that dream compiler was spewing out bullshit errors that didnt made sense.2 -
Spent 2h debugging code until I realize that code is good, but written in a .coffee file... Instead of ._coffee. Yes,it changes the way code is executed. Wtf happened to this world.
-
Sick of fucking working with 'engineers' who cannot see that the piece of shit application that they have written is not 'done' until it has been tested. No it is not production fucking ready you fucking yes man.
-
Does anyone here uses Docker for all the environments (dev, qual, prod)?
If yes, how do you feel about it? How it is?8 -
There is a parody of "Cheap Thrill's" by Mongo DB.
Yes Mongo DB ,it was for thier product promotion(Mongo DB Atlas)!
BTW it's one of the best DB I have ever used, it binds well with NodeJs
Here is it:
I know its way old ,but just want to share
https://youtu.be/0vPt7GI-2kc -
Service necessary for many applications is failing at 8am this morning, it connects to a virtual directory. Trying to figure out why it's failing, application is fine, Middleware is fine, asked to reboot virtual directory servers "no we can't do that" fast forward to a wasted day trying to find the error, asked again to restart, they said yes, what do you know it started working again
-
I been practising lucid dreaming since a few years. It works and is amazing. Now I'm trying to use this moment of subconscious awareness to improve my ideas when sleeping. Yes, I kinda want to work in my dreams, when my brain has other mechanisms active. Can tell you, looks like it is possible!
Your thoughts???4 -
Sometimes, "a different error, yes progress" is an illusion. It's like pushing a car that has broken down up a hill, after you finally reach the top, it starts rolling down nicely, only to meet another larger hill on the other side.3
-
!dev
Today, on the Hypocrite show we have a bunch of hypocrit wankers talking meta. For example, this just in, a bunch of talkative wanker classmates, all gorls (yes, this is not a typo (yes it's for sarcastic goal (yes read it in Gru's voice (no I don't do Lisp stop asking)))), start talking about how they don't like their lower-graders talking too much they, the previously mentioned "gorls", are around and would prefer them to shut up and let enjoy their "peace and quiet". Oh I don't know, you wankers wants my 2-page 11px complain on you talking too much in class and everywhere you go?6 -
#Development Story:
No Size for iPad (only mocks are mobile and desktop)
Ambiguous on Close Button (size and position)
#Development:
Me: iPad size, should it be X?
Product Owner: Yes
#QA
QA: Close button is to Small, change to bigger
ME: (ok....)
#Product Owner Review
Product Owner: Close button to big, make it smaller, also iPad size is not that, is Y.
Me:
3 -
Every time I pick up a ticket, it turns out to be a duplicate and another engineer is already working on it or it already is done. So I close the ticket and collect the story points. (Yes, morally correct would be to close it as duplicate with 0 SPs.)7
-
Project Manager : this code line from here to here is confusing. Before you explain it to me i will need a cup of coffee. Do you want for yourself too?
Me : (*In my head* my mind work pretty clear without it as well.) Yes sir.1 -
Apparently my clock is a Boeing 747-400...
It's actually a clock with a picture of the Sydney Opera House (and yes, I have a livestream of it using 'motion' on ubuntu.)
2 -
!dev
Fuuuuuuuuck
My passport is expired and I need it soon, another way for the government to take more of my time and money
(Yes ultimately it's my own fault but still fuuuuuuuuck)2 -
Can't you just use your brain before coming to me for help??!!! The button says "use another account" so, yes, it is the correct thing to click if you want to USE ANOTHER ACCOUNT!!!
-
Is anyone else having issues with TutaNota?
I haven't been able to use it for a week now. 😕
(Yes, I've submitted a bug report or six.)9 -
Job interview pro-tip: when it's your turn to ask the questions, the first one you ask is "Is this job in an open-plan office?" If the answer is 'yes,' say 'thank you,' get up, and run out of there like your productivity depended on it.
-
Just published my first composer package :) It's no big deal most likely but had to let go my excitement somewhere...
It's a package to jumpstart PHP projects wanting to use Gitlab CI by adding some defaults, and adding automated on commit formatting checks.
Main reason I created it, is because i was tired of doing the same config over and over again for my projects...
Anyhow if anyone were to be interested, here it is => https://packagist.org/packages/...
Oh and by the way, yes, it's PHP, and yes I actually do like working with it :)3 -
I have legitimately identified an 9 figure (possibly more) market with 1. massive demand, 2. sufficient supply, 3. literally, I kid you not, zero companies in the field. No regulations to speak of.
The overhead is trivial and it is very much a network-effect based market.
No I am not joking. Yes this is real.
What do?
edit: 9 figures not 8. Yes it's that big.12 -
"this environment is externally managed"
yes, i know it is, please fucking install it
fuck you python and fuck you docker
tools for children
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡7 -
Has anyone here ever created fonts? specifically cursive fonts?
If so, comment here. I have an idea. Yes this should be collab, but not really, b/c it is just an idea.
And I need clarification on it. So, yes, technically, a question. Seriously though, font person, I'm talking to you, easy money.
(Sorry for using the word easy money, except it is apt)12 -
My academic life.
Because it has nothing to do with programming whatsoever. And yes, this month is final exam month. While I am here thinking about my programming project 😂😂 -
Some of you will maybe still remember my "discord library from scratch in python" project.
I am thinking about publishing the script (yes, it is only one script. I was lazy lol) on Gitlab today.3 -
When you tell your client not to upgrade to Wordpress 4.5 until the theme is patched for it and they do it anyways.
Complains certain functions aren't working anymore.
Yes, we know. We told you not to do the update yet -
Binary combinatory logic (BCL) is gonna change the world. Yes, it's an esolang, but its easy to evolve populations of programs written in it. Then, when you have a winner, you can easily embed it in a C binary as a hardcoded arg to your interpreter function. Or use logic to translate it to any other programming language.1
-
So yes, Microsoft is scanning my emails for keywords. I tried to send an email using the word PFA and did not attach any file. It gives a pop up to attach one.
3 -
I just love that my entire project is dead in the water because firebase/database is completely broken on iOS, and im apparently the only person in the world that uses it because there is 0 prio to get it fixed it seems.
(more specific, the react-native-firebase library)
(yes it is a confirmed library issue) -
This whole GDPR, cookie law thing is really getting annoying.. Every website you load:
A wild large popup dialog appears, reasons this and that, options this and that, click next, are you sure, yes, yes,..
The dialog itself is annoying, but it's even more annoying if it pops-up 10 seconds after you've already scrolled and are reading stuff.
Am I the only one who didn't care that I got tracked and whatnot and analytics stuffs were stored etc?2 -
I saw somewhere here a super tutorial to devrant tags, can you link me it? It had a picture with no/yes connected blocks.
Search is not really helping to find it so far4 -
Hey Game Developers,
I know this is the worst place to ask this question but still...
Is it possible that a game developer will make an online multiplayer game at a really low budget for me?
If yes then where can I find them?17 -
"is Kotlin worth learning? React or Vue or Angular? Is Flutter worth learning?"
Is devRant a search engine? I can't be the only one tired of these posts. It is also very tilting seeing the responses to a yes being "okay, I will research it".
Bitch, you're supposed to research it from the get go. devRant is not the preliminary to doing a fucking Google search.
I feel it is almost equivalent to asking a coworker before actually googling it (which I admit I sometimes catch myself doing).6 -
Why, just why is this being recommended to me like, on every fucking video.
Yes I do a bit of GLSL but that's fucking it.
https://youtu.be/OWdAT-D_klg2 -
RANT!
4 months ago I asked my company do we get new contracts?
Yes in December they said. In December I asked again. yes in two weeks. Two weeks before the end of the year. contract received. It is worse than previous contract. 20% less pay, overtime not payed. Obligated to do overtime once in a while. And more issues just to name a few
Happy fucking holidays.
Start your year fresh being unemployed yeah!11 -
Why is it so damn hard to integrate an external api into Android in a non messy non tedious way... I mean yes I'm new to this but it's unnecessarily tough..
-
This is with nothing open. How the fuck am I supposed to work on here. Defiantly won't be firing up any VMs
--
Yes, it's all background crap, no I can't close any of it. Yes, I have rebooted
17 -
It is discouraging to realize that most people can be thieves if there are no consequences.
Proof: We cracked applications, video games, operating systems without a second thought. And yes, I still think it is a form of stealing.37 -
Have a SOAP service but need REST service since it is in fashion?
Easy, make a endpoint and ask for the entire body of soap (yes, in xml) in body of rest request.8 -
I was wondering how many of you work out. I have met many of developers but so far very few of them actually work out. And yes I know how hard is to connect full time job and health life :D so how it is in your case?14
-
Yeasterday I was making some changes in my database in sqldbm and I guess I forgot to change something, so when I logged in it was I an unsaved draft and if I would like to load it. Obviously I said yes!
Now I see every change I made yesterday is gone! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK1 -
Anyone else get frustrated with intellisense in VS Code constantly popping up in front of the thing you are trying to click on?
YES, I KNOW WHAT IT IS, NOW BUGGER OFF AND LET ME CLICK ON IT!!
Or maybe I just need to get with the program and learn the keyboard shortcuts..6 -
Anyone else thinks 5,5" are way to big for a phone and just wants a one plus 3 with under 5" ? What is it that people have with big phones? Get a tablet !
(Yes iPhones are perfect but too expensive)12 -
Anyone seeing this rant from Sydney? If yes, why is it so hard to get any IT/Dev jobs for an international student? Sucks.
-
First day of intro to oop class, have to use eclipse, change theme to dark and make console parallel to editor.
Professor comes by and asked if it was eclipse... Yes?
Everyone is looking at my monitor like I'm a fucking magician.
Y'all basic af!2 -
When you suggest a developer meeting on design patterns and you're technical director says(seriously) "I used to teach people everything you need to know about design patterns in 20minutes - there's only one question - 'should we do it?' and the answer is always 'yes'"
-
I miss functions that do stuff.
Just a simple logic piece that does the stuff it wants to do. Without classes, objects, interfaces, frameworks or configurations.
I mean, yes, wrapping the functions behind the implementation of an indifferent interface is usually a good call.. As long as it stays simple.
But it rarely does, doesn't it?5 -
It just came to me.. an error in a computer program is called a bug.
A listening device used to spy on people is also called a bug.
A computer bug can be used to spy on people. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW, PEOPLE! 🤯
(yes, I know the story of why it's actually called a bug. Still, I find that very entertaining.)1 -
So, working on real multi language support today I was searching for countries and country-codes. Yes this one is easy peasy. Also easy if you want every countryname in your supported languages.
But why is there no source for the states or provinces translated in every language. It's so hard to find...
Anyone knows a source for it? Is it worth to create a project for such translations?1 -
Client's WordPress powered site has gone down due to influx of traffic. Site is cached and whatnot, the server it's on is simply underpowered and not coping. Whilst I'm frantically trying to spin up new servers and load balance and get things back online, client keeps interrupting with emails like "URGENT - Website is down", "How long is this going to take please?", and "Hello! Do you know whats going on?!". I reply cordially to each, secretly growing increasingly enraged. "Yes I am already aware and working on it.", "Difficult to estimate, but I'm hoping no more than 20 minutes.", "Yes. I'm working on it.", "Yes, I know. I'm working on it."
And then I receive this gem: "Perhaps call Word press?"
AARRGGHHH
This scene from Clerks springs to mind: https://youtube.com/watch/...2 -
I like my job, but I will happily admit there is always something better out there, though it will be hard to find, which is fine with me. To assist with this, I made a form response for recruiters:
Is it a contract?
Is the budget for the role less than XXX a year?
Is it located in a suburban place with limited or nonexistent transit access?
If any answers are yes, I am not interested.1 -
Me to my team: demo to the client is postponed, we'll show it the day after tomorrow.
Them: nice, then we can put in production also the new feature xyz.
Me: mmm... Is it tested and everything ok? Then yes, let's deploy it.
Bad decision. Now everything is not working. Rollback needed!2 -
So I had this discussion yesterday..
Virtual Machines on a SSD: Yes or no? Good or Evil?
What's your opinion?
I keep the OS partition of my VMs on my SSD, because they are unusable otherwise. At least if it is a Windows vm.6 -
Person: is it possible to learn binary?
Another person:
Yes.
Here's the dictionary: 0=0 1=1😏
Ps this is stolen from a quora quote
https://quora.com/Is-it-possible-to...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -
Providing a nice Readme.md file with your open source project is never enough. You need to have a beautifully designed website for the documentation to go with it, oh yes sir!1
-
How am I supposed to start learning pentesting / hacking when kali linux is shot down by the devRant community?
Yes, I would rather start with some source that would get me writing code to do it, I just don't know which is it. Maybe sourceforge?5 -
Is anyone in the house working on Cloud Access Security Broker (CASB)? If yes, how is the domain and what's the market value of it?
-
I made "glass holder" application for Android. The glass wich I put on the phone can change color too. It's only available in Hungary. Do you want to have it? If the answer is yes, I translate it to English and publish everywhere.3
-
Yeah sure it is totally the fault of framework X being less popular than framework Y. That is the reason why you don't find devs for framework X.
The low pay and bad organisation has nothing to do with this. Yes it is probably the best idea to take the 4 years of work in X and continue it in Y. The devs will fight for a job where an Y app is integrated into an X app... -
Mobile
To the iOs Users:
-Which iPhone do you have?
-Is it Jailbroken?
-Do you want to use the new Electra JB?
-And If Jailbroken: Why and what do you do with it?
-If not: Why?
To the Android Users:
-Which Phone do you have?
-Is it rooted?
-If yes: Why and what do you do with it?
-If not: Why?
And my Answer:
iOs
-iPhone X
-No
-Yes! I want it so badly
-No: Didn‘t think about it when I purchased it..18 -
(In response to stupid request) "Yes, that's fine."
Translation: "I've come to the conclusion that dying in prison for murdering you, is worth it."
-
If a project's structure is shit, well of course, let's continue using it because "it is known". Doing it any other way "will add complexity".
That I wasted three days making my working code adhere to the clusterfuck of a structure, nevermind that. Let's continue. And yes, colleagues do agree that the structure is shit, though let's improve it ... later.
Or in other words: Suck it up, we always have done it this way. Fuck you and your ill-advised attempts of trying to improve it. -
Does the company you work has a specific team for their Android app? If yes, then how big is it and what are their responsibilities ?6
-
Is it posible to change your devrant password? If yes where? Cause i cant find it (on phone or desktop)15
-
I created a comprehensive, fundamental guide to privacy:
- it's eternal — new apps come and go, but while the internet and our computers are the way they are, the guide works and needs no adjustment;
- it's permissive — you don't need to live in the woods. Yes, some services should not be used as-is, but you may still enjoy their content;
- it's easy — yes, it requires your typical content consumption to be somewhat altered, yet there are no taboos.
Content and medium aren't the same. Instagram stories have fundamentally nothing in common with Instagram itself.
There is no inherently bad or harmful content.
My search for privacy is over. Not anymore is it an uphill battle. Yes, I can do a finite number of things to achieve privacy once and for all. No, this doesn't limit my content consumption.
I'm going to write a complete essay. Stay tuned.1 -
Yes, actually, I will complain that the code I inherited is shit and then proceed to not refactor it2
-
Why is Python still frowned upon in Competitive Programming? Like yes it's allowed, but why do we have such a huge stigma against it?2
-
Okay fine now enough is enough
Yes I declared and assigned the variable after calling the function and it's usage, and yes I copied it directly from a tutorial which had snippets everywhere, and yes I was blind and it took me 4 hours to find this bug, while eating chocolate but that's not important (c'mon I deserve a chocolate) and yes I found it immediately when I was posting a question about it on Stack Overflow.
But please JavaScript, why can't you do some magic find the variable in the whole script?1 -
Hey all,
Where does devrant for Android store downloaded images? And yes I allowed saving and storage access.
Android data folder is empty. Bug?
It did work before i switched to Android 8. My new phone is also android 8, and it also does not work.
Greetings17 -
Meat is good. Charred meat though… the smell of it makes my teeth subjectively bigger, to the point where they don't fit in my mouth. Psychosomatic illusion, yes, but saliva is dripping.2
-
Or when I get a jira task and I spend more trying to understand what the fuck is it supposed to mean than actually solving it.
Love it.
And yes, asking about it would take even more time. -
Me: Oh yes this is easy, i will fix it in 5 minutes..
*Deploys the solution to debug it*
*waits 20 minutes....*
(the message says "installation is in progress")
Just fuck you SharePoint Online.
1 -
My in-laws seem allergic to keeping fruit on the fridge. In a 40° heat. No wonder half the fruit are spoiled by next morning.
My algorithm for storing produce:
Is it fresh produce? => (No) use another algo. (X)
Is it potatoes or onions? => (Yes) put it in a bowl in a closet (X)
::: Put it all in the fridge, dammit. -
Yes but you see this function everywhere so why is it so hard for us to implement?
Next time i’m gonna say that this function is everywhere, but why is it so difficult to design? -
Is there anyone who switched from Java backend (Spring Boot) to Nodejs? If yes what was your experience? Some people say it's a downgrade because of lower performance and less specialized tooling want do you think about that? Also what about salary? Is it the same level?11
-
Is it just me or is it annoyingly finnicky to get an android device connected to Linux? I want to transfer files but its not getting mounted (unlike all my other devices like USB sticks/HDDs). And yes mtp is turned on on my device. How do you guys do that? Any convenient way? In this case I would actually appreciate a non CLI method5
-
I just had a long talk with Character.ai; and well what can I say. Holy crappy crapping crap...
Is it perfect? No.
Is it above the comprehensive speech level that I though would be ever possible in my lifetime if I got asked about it just 1 or 2 years ago? Yes
Either that, or it is fake and provides replies from actual humans -
Is anyone here living/working/studying/frequenting Singapore?
If yes, where you so kind as to explain why it is a good/bad place to study?1
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