If you are using a FREE software and you don’t like it
You have 3 options:
- Stop using it,
- create your own,
- or simply, SHUT THE FUCK UP

You get the right to complain about what I build IF AND ONLY IF you paid for it.

Hope this is clear!!!

Sales Guy: Hey Man, you know what? you should go back to college and advance your knowledge in Software Engineering. This way you will be an expert in programming and handling the Servers.
Me: I started programming at the age of 17 and started handling servers by the age of 18. Can I ask you something if you don't mind?
Sale Guy: Yea sure I don't mind anything
Me: Get the fuck out of here

What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.

PSA: kali linux is literally just a debian with extra preinstalled software. You aint hot shit cause you use kali. You aint hacker cause you use kali. You can do the exact same shit on any other distro what doesnt have a 4gig live iso. Shut the fuck up.

You know what? I'm fucking done with people telling me that open source alternatives to popular/proprietary suck by default.

Something does NOT suck by default just because it's FUCKING open source.

Have you got any fucking clue where we'd be right now if open source software didn't exist?!

Let me just remind you that about 80 percent of the worlds' servers run Linux. Open-FUCKING-source.

How the fuck are we supposed to innovate without open sourceness? Yes indeed, that would be about fucking impossible.

Although I've got to admit that some open source software programs don't work 100 well (in comparison to alternatives), what are you expecting? People put their free time into that shit and they've got to make money as well.

"well how are programmers supposed to feed their families if they only write open source software?"

Fuck right off. Of course we all need an income to survive. Hell, I need that as fucking well. But there's more to it than just work. Some people consider open source/working on open source software a hobby/passion. That doesn't even remotely mean thaty they don't work/don't need some kind of income.

If it wasn't for open source, we'd be nowhere (technologially seeing) right now.

*QA chick tries to run software
*software doesn't start / throws an exception
*she does chmod 777 *
*still doesn't work
*blames developer

SHE DOES A FUCKING CHMOD 777 ON EVERY FUCKING FILE AND FOLDER LIKE THIS IS SOME BLACK MAGIC FUCK

So, I’m a software engineer at one of the FANG companies, and a “friend” from college that I haven’t talked to in years suddenly messages me, asking for my work email. I’m like, why would you ever need that? And he replies, “I’m gonna send you an email with a link, can you open it from your work computer? I’ll pay you for doing that, and it’s totally legal.”

Yeah... how about fuck no.

He blocked me after I refused.

I don't discriminate fellow devs. i don't care if you write Java or PhP, I don't care what OS you use to code, I don't care if all your software are free or not, I don't care what framework you use, I don't care about all this. The important part is being a dev. But, those bastards using light theme can go fuck themselves. 🤣

FUCK OFF WINDOWS. I NEED TO WORK BECAUSE MY DEADLINE IS COMING BUT NO, THE FUCKING WINDOWS DECIDED TO FUCKING UPDATE. I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE RIGHT NOW, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SOFTWARE. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 1 HOUR TO GET TO 35%. 🖕🖕🖕🖕

To the people who kept telling me that LMMS (Linux MultiMedia Studio) was shit and you can't produce music with it properly, go fuck yourself. I stupidly enough believed this for years and kept on searching for other good open alternatives: nothing.

Tried it again last night, especially the drum machine since I'm going towards electronic music: motherfucker this thing is powerful!

No need for expensive software, LMMS works awesomely 😃

As a student trying to find an internship for a software engineering position, my subpar transcript being brought up during the interview always has me like:

Interviewer: "Why is your GPA so shit???"
Me: "Fuck you that's why!"

😤😥

A customer calls to ask about our software, its features and its advantages and so on.
I answer him all his questions in a 45 minutes support call.
Then he decides to order the software from our website using the order form.
After 1h i get another call by the same guy saying he cant order.
I ask him why and he says that he is blind and his screen reader does not read out the form/website content.
So i filled out the order form with him together because im a nice person and customer is king. (Took me 20 minutes).
After that i ask our webdevelopers if they considered to make the website more disabled friendly.
They responded with no because it dosent matter.
Yeah fuck me right! Fuck the disabled customers we dont care.
I think thats kind of stupid but who cares right!!

Software company director: we build Java applications right?
Devs: nah, javascript.
Director: it's the same, right?
Devs: no
Director: fuck, I pitched a Java application.

A few hours later...
Director on the phone: Yeah, we are building it in Java...

Not sure yet. I finished my study for Software Engineering and I'm currently working as a Linux engineer.

But, my current boss didn't give a fuck about whether or not I had a diploma or whatsoever at all, as long as I had/have the required skills.

OPPO sure has the BALLS to fucking install ads on MY FUCKING PHONE, first they force installed “Hot Apps” and “Hot Games” and I can’t remove it. I was like “Yeah sure whatever”. Then they installed sticker ads on THE BUILT IN KEYBOARD. “Ok”. This fucking shit actually installed ads on my fucking notification panel, and pop up a warning every once in two days asking me to”🔥 Update your software to latest version 💢” WITH THAT KIND OF TEXT AND EMOTICONS

FUCK YOU OPPO

Uncle- What do you do?

Me- I'm a software engineer

Uncle- My brother's friend's son is also a software engineer.

Me- (so what am I supposed to do about it?) yes that's nice

Uncle- I have a great idea, u should implement, I'm just telling you, it is a revolutionary idea

Me- (oh fuck, not again) yes tell

Uncle- you should make a matrimonial site which tracks what people do on internet and tell their to-be-spouses about it

Me - (yeah, I'll get sued for breach of privacy, and it has got nothing to do with my current line of work, and will probably cause divorces before marriage) yes great idea uncle

Uncle- see I told you this billion dollar idea, u should do hard work and make it

Just WHY in god's name do all uncles think laptop is a magic box in which I just have to type their idea in and it will spit out a website/software in 2 minutes. I don't go around advising them about their line of work.

Suck dicks Microsoft... Get choked.
All I wanted to do was to uninstall this piece of crapware.

And now you're telling me i need to UPDATE the installer in order to uninstall.

What the fuck, what obscure substances have you been smoking lately? imbicile numbskull maniacs.

I'm not really one for news, but apparently (a while ago) there was some 12 year old who taught himself to code and made his own apps and whatnot. Girlfriend informed me of this.

Just got told that I'm a useless piece of shit because Im 23 and don't develop apps and I'm not rich like this kid. Fuck man. I develop mostly server side software, and I personally fucking wrote half the shit the company uses. No one really knows, so naturally in the silent developer. Don't much care about that. But fuck, being told I'm useless because a 12 year old has more money than me really made me take one straight to the balls. Now I'm sitting here, moping, downloading android studio, and just going to prove a person wrong. I can fucking code an app, it's not that hard.

Should have just said fuck off, but I don't have the strength and effort to face flying cups anymore.

Android sdk, here I come.

Fuck YOU Xcode!

20 crashes since I started working this morning.

Restarted the iMac, same shit.

Cleared NVRAM/PRAM whatever its called, same shit.

Closed EVERYTHING, restarted iMac again, unplugged from the wall, left it few mins, replugged back, turned it on, continued working, AND IT STILL KEEPS FUCKING ME OUT OF NOWHERE.

FUCK THIS, FUCK XCODE, FUCK APPLE, AND FUCK WHOEVER DARES TO THINK THAT ITS A GREAT PIECE OF SOFTWARE, im done.

P.S. this rage got me to a point where i had to make this paper

It's funny. Although I try to only use open source software which is free (at least as in freedom but also as in beer mostly), I'd gladly pay for using it!
But no way on fucking earth I'd pay for proprietary software.

Why?

Because I'd love to support the people behind the free software! They made something awesome and the most awesome thing is, they made it in a way that ensures that the end users can modify it to suit their needs! That's so fucking awesome!

That's why I'd never pay for proprietary software. Can it have awesome features? Yes, of course! But can anyone except for the devs easily modify it to suit their needs? No. And that's why I'd never pay for it.

When a software wants to add toolbars and bookmarks during its installation

FUCK VISUAL STUDIO ANBD EVERYTHING IT FUCKING STANDS FOR. PIECE OF SHIT IDE CANT HANDLE MORE THAN THREE FUCKING WINDOWS AT A FUCKING TIME WHY CANT A BILLION DOLLAR MOTHERFUCKING COMPANY MAKE COMPETENT SOFTWARE FOR ONCE? WHY IS MICROSOFT SO FUCKING AWFUL IN EVERYTHING IT DOES? WHY THE FUCK IS THERE NO AUTOMATIC VERSIONING LIKE EVERY CIVILIZED BASIC FUCKING IDE THAT EVER EXISTS? WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKING MANUALLY VERSION MY FUCKING FILES? WHY THE FUCKING FUCK IS VISUAL STUDIO FUCKING GOING TO A FILE I USED 300 YEARS AGO WHEN I DEBUG AN APPLICATION? MOST USELESS, UNINTUITIVE PIECE OF SHIT SOFTWARE IVE EVER USED. IF YOU ARENT USING SOME GODDAMN SERVER SOLUTION TO KEEP TRACK WITH YOUR PROJECT VERSIONS, GOOD EVER FUCKING LUCK RECOVERING LOST CODE BECAUSE FUCKING MICROSOFT CANT DO WHAT FUCKING INTELLIJ DID 5 MILLION FUCKING YEARS AGO

Got a job as a controls engineer. Told my parents.

Parents: Good Job!
Brother: Bro! How you make so much money?
Me: I went to a tech school and learned how to do technical stuff.
Brother: Oh... fuck that shit!

Everyone was really supportive. Been slowly gravitating from controls to more pure software. But a lot of the software I write is for controls and automation of machines.

I'm a f****** idiot. Wifi adapter stopped working, I rebooted. I reinstall my distro. I look up for a replacement card. I troubleshoot the issue in software.

Finally someone says something one of the fourms.

I hit Fn + F2

It fucking works!!! The hardware was disabled by accident when I tried to open tty2.

FUCK!!!

After a little I'm having huge issues with my new phone. No custom ROMs available.

Fuck this shit I'm going to try to port another Mediatek based ROM to my phone tonight.

I'd rather get a bricked device than working with this piece of shit vendor made android system.

The phone itself other the the software is very good though!

Umidigi programmers, go fuck yourselves.

Me doing monday morning Support because all of our fucking support members were not available.

Me: Can you navigate to the Installation path of our Software.

Customer: how?

Me: with the Windows File explorer

Customer: i dont have That

me: Explaining how to navigate to the install location (thinking: fuck my life)

FUCKING TIMESHEETS!!!

"Have you got your timesheets?"

NO, I FUCKING DONT, BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY WORKING A ROLLOUT, MY FUCKING TIMESHEET ITS A FACT, SOFTWARE WORKS = I WORKED, SOFTWARE DOESN'T WORK FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A TIMESHEET!!!!!!!

- WE NEED TO KNOW THE VERSION OF THE SYSTEM THIS INSTANT!
"what? version? wtf are you talking about"
- THE CLIENT HAS I.T. GUIDELINES TO STRICT CONTROL THE VERSION OF EACH SOFTWARE VENDOR'S SYSTEMS!
"We are not a 'software vendor', we provide them consulting on logistics!"
- THEY USE OUR WEBSITE! THIS MAKES US A SOFTWARE VENDOR!
"Wouldn't that make 'google' their vendor too?"
- IM SURE THEY STRICTLY CONTROL GOOGLE'S VERSION TOO!
"I'm pretty sure they don't. But, whatever, that do answers the question of what they want. Some paperwork jockey wants a meaningless number to fill a form, let's give'em one"

I just had someone make an API endpoint where they can ask "the version", and it is just the number of commits in our production branch. For lols, we even 0-fill and split every three magnitude orders with a dot, so we're in version 0.012.345 or something.
Major version upgrade every million commits!

Fuck those guideline-parrots who are unaware that words sometimes have meaning, and sometimes not.

What's with the 4 pixel wide scrollbars on some desktop software these days? Does nobody care about accessibility anymore?

No seriously.

Fuck you.

And why the fuck does open source software seem to be the main culprit - as usual.

And tutorials telling us to add an extra blank line to our source code because fucking Linux distros decide to put an overlay horizontal scrollbar just over the top of where the last visible line in an editor appears.

I remember my first "Software Engineering 2" class at University. The teacher, a pompous son of a bitch that later on gave proof of his vast ignorance, greeted us with
"so ... You call yourselves programmers, right? What's the biggest program you have ever wrote? Something along the 100, maybe 200 lines of code? ..... If you've never written at least a MILLION lines of code software, you're not a software developer"
Even at that time, with my lack of experience in software development, I had that feeling in my guts telling me "writing myself a 1M lines of code software .... Brrrr that's something I hope I'll neve have to do in my life"
Turned of he was one of those dinosaurs stuck with the love for gargantuan monoliths of software like they used to do.
Just to dive you the whole picture, the course had ZERO software development and focused only on how to manage wonderful waterfall projects, how to write all types of software documentations and the final project was ... Writing a ton of documentation so boring and useless that even he didn't care to read through.
we still laugh at the episode when another group asked us to borrow one of our documents and after one day they asked "hemm ... Have you really sent this to the teacher?" "yes, why not?" ".... at page 23 someone left a comment saying 'what the fuck is this shit?'"

You are a consultant and wrote some easy scripts by copying code snippets together?

Good for you!

It makes your job easier?

Good for you!

You didn't care too much about UI because you only needed the job to be done?

That's fine!

BUT DON'T YOU DARE SELL THIS SHIT TO A CUSTOMER AND CALL YOURSELF A SOFTWARE DEVELOPER!

YOU ARE NO DEVELOPER!
YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW TO BUILD A RELIABLE SOFTWARE.

no one needs a solid database structure?
Object oriented programming is "just another hype"?
No one cares for the coding?

FUCK YOU, AND YOUR ATTITUDE!

Oh my fucking god. Stop posting the same screenshot over and over again. Ok, a company tested in production. But please don't send me screenshots of that shit every goddamn few minutes you cunts. After seeing the same screenshot for 20 times I finally got it so shut the fuck up now.

And maybe you should not only think about bad software. Maybe you should remember who is using that shit

I'M FUCKING SICK OF HOLDING MY SELF TO DON'T MAKE OTHERS LOOK LIKE STUPID, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE ,NEXT YEAR IS MY TIME TO STAND AND LET PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM. IF YOU FUCKERS CANT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EVEN THOUGHT THIS COMPANY'S PRODUCT ISN'T SOFTWARE BUT YOU ARE FUCKING WASTING A GOLDEN RESOURCE ( DEV TEAM ) WITH FUCKING USELESS CRUDS AND USELESS SITES NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT I'M GONNA LEAVE.

Fuck articles which are nothing more than tweets wrapped in ads and paragraphs which repeat the content of the tweets.

Yeah I know that software version x was released, I just read the fucking tweet! — I googled for more details, which points me at 10 mainstream tech news blogs, which are all in the business of fluffing up three sentences into 6 paragraphs without adding any value.

I wish Twitter just charged royalty fees to embed on for-profit websites.

Online course with ASP.NET 4.

Professor is a loser, convincing students into using shitty 2010 software which will not install and is no longer supported.

>> Sends mass email explaining how to use VS2017

Met with praise. Fuck outdated teachers and technology, truly a shame.

FUCK YES! I FUCKING DID IT. I'M FUCKING RUNNING I3 ON LINUX ON MOTHER FLIPPING WINDOWS!!!

I'm sorry but I don't have anyone else to share this with. I feel so... empowered. If windows continues to support the wsl, who knows how far they will get. This makes windows so attractive. I still keep using debian on my desktop machine but my laptop isn't so underpowered in terms of software now that I'm figuring this stuff out.

Got to a client, we are taking over their software dev and IT.

"you're not touching my code ". Listen fuck twit, a robocopy script is not fucking code.
"I wrote a 3500 line code for this company" no fuck twit, you wrote a whole lot of fucking gibberish that looks like someone shat out BASH and it met html along the way. It doesn't compile, it doesn't run, it's a fucking dormant file. You charged people for shit all.

Setting up exchange is also not a big whoop.

Moving them over to CentOS server (he had them on XP still), and writing enough code to qualm my frustration at people.

I see all these tools for the past few years claiming...

"build an app without writing code"

Great, if you want to build a prototype and then try to find a technical co-founder who can actually build something.

Otherwise, none of us need another shitty cookie-cutter app.

There is a 0% chance you can build anything that will scale without writing some code. Your best case scenario is you sell it to some sucker who doesn't understand that what they are buying is garbage.

I give those folks 3 options...

1. Find a technical co-founder
2. Learn to build software
3. Fuck off

Thinking you can build a software company without building actual quality software if fucking moronic.

Of course, that won't stop the thousands of business grads each year from trying and saying...

"I have such a great idea, I just need someone to build it"

Let's get things straight. You have nothing. NOTHING! You idea is worthless without execution.

fuck me X'D Complained to nowtv that their player wasn't working because apparently it finds 'screen sharing' software running on my mac. This was their response

I know posts like this one don`t belong here but I`m so super proud of it...

I`ve finally (after like 2 days) finished setting up my macbook-air-arch-linux-kde-plasma and this is what it looks like. If any of you is interested I can share some details about making certain things compatible with apple hardware.
Peace!

Make sure that when developing software and using print outs to test output to not use swear words.

Last presentation when demoing to a customer I ended up on a white page saying: "Shit fuck!!!!!!" Embarrassment was an understatement... 😅

*launch software*
> goes tits up with no info
*restart machine, launch software*
> still goes tits up
*su to the user it runs as and run it manually because fuck you shitstaind*
> still goes tits up
*launch with debug logs enabled*
> suddenly works

What is this black magic?!

Software is such an awe inspiring concept if you really think about it. We literally create our own reality from scratch. Binary for the wrong architecture? Don't worry we can emulate it. Network? Fully software defined. Heck, the servers don't even know if it's real or all in software. You know what? Fuck it! The machine isn't real either! All virtualized or software emulated

I'm really bad at putting things into words but the idea of software truly amazes me

Everytime I encounter cpanel or plesk

fuck that shit, I dont need that aids-software on any machine

Fuck software assurance.

Fuck functional specifications, fuck software requirements, fuck V-model bullshit documentation, fuck integration test plans.

Fuck trying to shoehorn waterfall requirements into what clearly was an interative development.

Fuck me for being a single dev handling all this bullshit by myself.

We made a software for hospitals in my old department. The senior Dev kinda gave me the software, because he thought it sucked and was perfect for a newbie like me. I really loved my work and gave everything I had to improve the quality of software, introduced tests, refactored old smelly code and talked with the product manager to overhaul the ui. Several months later this little shit project the senior gave the newbie, was a huge success and better than any thrash that the senior has created. The senior was really pissed, so everytime I had some days off, he tried to sabotage me in any way. I couldn't take that and many other things anymore, so I left the company. The most tragic part is, that my software could become a massive foundation for the company, but after I left they abandoned it. I still had some good contacts within the old company and they said, that the senior dev told everyone how bad everything was, that I have done through the years and that they can't even describe how bad the architecture of the software is. tl;dr fuck off!! I've done so much things for the company and they never appreciated it. I'm glad I quit that job. Best decision ever!!

Why THE FUCK would anyone make a totally free (in the sense of price; gratuit) software project, and then not make it open-source?

What is the benefit of stifling the development of your own project when you have no monetary gain from doing so?

So I landed this interview with a company that provided military simulations, to work as an android intern (mobile). And man was I intent on getting it, I could only dream of my first job being as a dev, for a company that developed cool software. 😯

I show up, pull out my laptop, go over some of my projects (crap at the time, since I was 16, but ChessAI ftw) and also show them an android app I developed.

Then, I pulled out my calculator and showed them a clock I'd made on it. That's probably when I lost them... ☹️

They asked me a couple questions about software development, like if I knew what agile was, or if I unit tested my code (didn't even know they existed at the time ☹️ ) , etc.

I had done research on the company and asked them questions about specific software and so on, also asked about what working there would look like, etc.

They never called.

I called.

They never answered.

😭

Ended up washing dishes. Honestly, fuck my life.

I'm cracking up...

"chatGPT will ruin the software interviewing industry!!!"

uh.... what does it tell you about our industry if a fucking ROBOT can "ruin" the interview

well, you're right. it tells you that only algorithmic robots do well and subsequently earn the top spots at software companies after interviewing.

creativity, grit, perspective, wisdom? that stuff is absolute bullshit!!! (and as a feeble human I can't figure that out in an interview anyway!!! better just have you solve leetcode problems ad naseum!!! that'll get us the best employee!!!)

god i hate the dumb fuck rat race. good thing i'm not in it anymore! peace out, girl scout✌️

JIRA. Fucking JIRA. Everybody just fucking hates it. It tops the list of shit pieces of software by a fair margin, followed by JIRA in second place and JIRA in 3rd. It's fucking unusable without superpowers and endless patience. It does whatever it goddamn pleases and randomly sends your precious input that you so carefully crafted anxiously avoiding to press one wrong key to the happy hunting grounds.

Fuck you, JIRA.
- Every developer. Really every.

Company email sent around last night that 'for security' we need to use the latest software, fine. But we are also told only to develop in Edge as it's the newest and most secure browser, therefore is the only one we can use. There no way I'm using Edge to develop.

Fuck you, Mr Consultant, you've taken the company for a ride.

devRant_swear_count++;

FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?

LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP

SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT

ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME

GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.

FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?

FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY

IT'S ALMOST 2021 AND I STILL HAVE TO FUCK WITH WSCRIPT OBJECTS FOR AN INTERNET EXPLORER WEB APP WHY? 😡

Could you put a backdoor on the software so i can see what my employees are doing ? Don't worry I'll pay you more.

Yeahhhh buddy I'm out, give me my card back.

What the fuck im going back to my open source safespace.

* Sets up some software
"Alright, and now to start the database"
* types "sudo systemctl start po-"
* hits tab -> poweroff.target
* Enter
...fuck me

little did I know, the database was already started...

MOTHERFUCKING SHIT FOR BRAIN RETARDS POSTING UTTER DUMB QUESTIONS ON STACKOVERFLOW EXPECTING YOU TO JUST GIVE THEM THE ANSWER AND FUCK OFF.
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THOSE MORONS THAT DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO SAY THANK YOU, LET ALONE ACCEPT YOUR ANSWER WHICH THEY JUST COPY/PASTE IN THEIR SHITTY FUCKING CODEBASE FULL OP STRING CONCATENATION BULLCRAP. CRAWL BACK TO THE SHADOWS FROM WHENCE YOU CAME YOU DUMBASS SLACKER SOFTWARE-NOOBS. YOU HAVE NO PLACE AMONG CARING DEVELOPERS!!!

Fuck subscription based software. I’d rather pay once and fucking done.

10 years experience in DoD C4I enterprise hardware and software.
Looks at civilian job (requires A+)
Gets A+
Looks at civilian job (requires Network+)
Gets Network+
Looks at civilian job market (requires Security+)
Gets security+
Looks at civilian job market (requires CCNA)
Getting CCNA
Looks again at job market (requires CCNP)
Fuck...

Job interview "we don't think you have a strong enough background"

Looks back at my 5 million dollar military flying robotic server FML

fuck you to the tech software engineer who would sexually harass me for over a year straight and would simply NOT GET THE FUCKING POINT that I'M NOT FUCKING INTERESTED.

Worst mistake of my life.

Software engineers who hate a programming language because they are bad at it: Fuck you

I applied for Software Devloper position but was called in for interview for Systems Analyst (IT). Nothing to do with coding. When I mentioned that I applied for Software Developer role, I was told that there is no vacancy for that role then why the fuck did you advertised and fuck the fuck did I apply.

Fuck

fuck printers

and fuck especially their never working garbage software

Where the fuck my privacy go?

I'm paying you to listen to music or watch films, I don't want you to create a damm profile my taste or "learn" what might like.

If it was a free service, fine, I'd understand, but I am fucking pying you. I should have the option to completely disable your arse sniffing software.

I know some of them provide a "private mode", but I want that to be the default, I am paying for the god damn service :/

Public announcement: if you build shitty software and get called out for it, either fix it and stand up for it, or fuck off. Nobody needs your idiotic passive aggressive tone.

Thank you

Love my android. But oh my fucking stars in a pickle jar... I just did a damn software update. The fuck you mean I have one??? Wasn't even 5 minutes ago. Why are you making me do this???

😡😡😡 Who here thinks that great software can be build in a few hours?!?! My silly ass boss does. He haven't programmed in decades and think we're supposed to be able to build software that doesn't break, has the best security, no flaws, feature rich in VERY, VERY short amount of time!! 😡😡😡 Fuck out of here!! It pisses me off to my core.

Me: Just finished the required software. In a short amount of time with new stuff I've never worked with before.

Him: Well, it took u a week to do. I heard it should've only have taken u a few hours.

Then u build the shit then!!! Fuck out of here.

The Sr. Dev and I was talking about this on Friday. U won't good product...leave us the fuck alone and let us work!!! He don't think that there will be small issues that come up. He thinks we're supposed to already know those issues are gonna exists, like really u fuck tart!?

FUUUUUUCK!!!!

"Systems open to all, but closed to intruders"

HEY, HP, PACK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY OF TRASH SOFTWARE INTO YOUR TRAILER HOME AND DRIVE IT OFF A CLIFF. WHAT THE __FUCK__ DOES THAT EVEN MEAN YOU LITERAL BLOAT FLIES. HOW ABOUT WE START WITH THE FACT THAT ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER ANYWHERE IN A COMPANY GIVING AWAY ONE LOGIN IN A SOCIAL ENGINEERING ATTACK TO POP THIS NICE FART FILLED BALLOON YOUR DRUNK SALES AND MARKETING MORON PARADE CAME UP WITH.

STOP FUCKING ADVERTISING ON MR. ROBOT AND LET ME PRETEND IT'S NOT A PRODUCT FOR JUST ONE MOMENT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

The state of informatics education is just saddening.
You study "Software Development" and then you get to do exams asking you to do some basic linux commands - with full internet access on a computer. People are allowed to fail this and study on. On the other hand you have to do real coding with pen and paper, have to calculate from hex to bin to dec and stuff and most Importantly - know about all kinds of math stuff completely unreleated to cs.
Graph Theory absolutely makes sense in my eyes, but not if it's plain fucken math without even mentioning computers or applications of it. But if you fail that everyone looks weird at you.

I know about coding. I got A's and B's in all the coding exams _without even doing much for them_ but then fail all the fucken math exams. Makes no sense. FML.

I'm studying Software Engineering. Fuck me, right?

Next week I have 3 exams, and I have to deliver the implementation of a Red&Black Tree and a AVL Tree (+ GUI in Swing) by Wednesday. Oh, and also, 5 small systems in C.

I don't know how the FUCK will I survive, but I will.

So today in discord one guy cracked this banger:
"Engineering in a nutshell"

Engineer A: *explains for 20minutes how to solve the problem in a very complex way*
Engineer B: "Or you could just put a screw here"
A: Dude that can't....
A: Fuck you you're right
B: you're welcome

Applicable in any engineering department, software included! xD

I like how in every other profession if something doesn't work it's called a mistake or a fuck-up but in software development it's called a bug and it is absolutely expected.

SORRY JUST NEED TO RANT.....

JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE/WEBCHAT WITH SHITTY HR BLOCK CUZ THEIR SHITTY PAID SOFTWARE IS BUILT WITHOUT THE USER IN MIND AND NOW EFILED MY TAXES INCORRECTLY...

THEY CANT FIX IT SINCE ITS ALREQDY SENT TO THE IRS....

I SPENT 2 HOURS TRYING TO CONTACT A HUMAN BECAUSE THEIR WEBCHAT IS SUPER HIDDEN ON THEIR SHITTILY BUILT SITE THAT HIDES IT UNTIL I HAVE TO CALL THEIR PHONE NUMBER AND THE GUY WALKS ME THROUGH SOME SPECIFIC STEPS TO GET IT TO SHOW UP!!!!!!!!!

THEN WEBCHAT GUY ASKS FOR ALL MY INFO BUT THEN CONCLUDES THAT I NEED TO CALL THE IRS MYSELF BECAUSE THEIR SHITTY SOFTWARE ALREADY SENT THE INFO.... THE WRONG INFO....

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I OWE THE GOVERMENT $2500..... ALL THIS JUST TO PAY PPL MONEY.... FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK....

AND THERE GOES MY WHOLE NIGHT.....

Soo I am the only tech-guy in my family and it's a bit like:

Other: You do program?
Me: yes?
Other: pls repair my printer!

And you guys know how awful that is, aren't you? But in my family it gets tougher...

Today my older sister asked me how to save data from a broken HDD. I said I know a guy who's doing forensic on HDDs and he could make that.

She's like: "but a friend of mine said it could be done easier with software"

And yes, it is! But not that successful...

Now's the point she killed me instantly!
She said: "he opened the HDD and said the disks look fine they could be easily added to a new HDD"....

WHAT THE ACUTAL FUCK I SAID NOW YOUR DRIVE IS BROKEN FOREVER! AND THEN SHE INSULTED ME AND BLOCKED ME ON FUCKING WHATSAPP! SHE IS LEARNING WEBDESIGN WHY THE FUCK DON'T TEACH HER THE BASICS OF FUCKING COMPUTERS! Oh for fuck sakes....

Why the fuck are Indian software companies under the impression that interns are just junior developers that you are legally allowed to fuck over with shit/no pay. Internships are supposed to be about learning and growth. Every fucking company I apply for has some bullshit bi polar disorder because their requirements state one thing and they ask you other bullshit on the phone or at the interview.

How the fuck do you expect a college student to know React, Django, AWS, Angular, D3, Scala, iOS and whatever buzzword you assholes noticed were trending on quora?

And for fucks sake don't waste my time to call me and ask if I'd be available full time if I mentioned I can only intern part time.

WTF is wrong with these people.

Man, fuck the SO community
I asked a question on software engineering (all fancy like, links quotes checked spelling and grammar etc.)
if it would be beneficial to switch to another language in order to increase performance and memory limitations during a specific task

Literally one guy said it violated 4 of their rules
Opinion based; asking for language switch; too vague and another one

About 20/30 minutes later my question had a -3 score...

Fuck off with too vague, also why shouldn't I switch language for a single task... If it would be faster..

Anyway found an even better solution, but it cannot be enough said.. the SO community is a bunch of old stubborn fucks who only care about their score.

I'm so fucking sick of the lack of great modern open source DB tooling.

MySQL Workbench can go suck a big fat herpes-ridden cock, it's horrible.

Dbeaver is a clunky 90's tool, which charges two Netflixes (yes, that is a valid $/month monetary unit) just to connect to a NoSQL DB.

Datagrip is nice, but has the same outrageously expensive pricing. I paid for it, and couldn't use it for my local docker DB during my holiday because it couldn't connect to the license server. Fuck you, Jetbrains. Your software is nice, but your DRM makes me hate you.

And then ERD software... It's either some hard-to-use afterthought piece of crap bundled with the DB IDE, some generic diagramming tool which makes DB-specific work needlessly unergonomic, or some vendor-locked online tool.

Fuck this shit, I'm making my own DB admin tool. With blackjack. And hookers. 😡

You know... fuck frontend development.

I don't mind developing a nice interface and thinking about how users will work with my software. But I HATE (lack of a stronger word) the whole npm/grunt/bower/yarn/everyfuckingframeworkclient chaos.

Can we just pick ONE fucking tool and mature it.

...

There

Fuck EA and its fucking launcher. Your broken piece of shit software doesn't even launch. I even tried reinstalling but that garbage won't launch. Fuck you EA and all of your bad practises. Wrap that launcher and shove it to your ass.

The joys of using overpriced enterprise software...

Me: Hey, I tried connect to the server, but I'm getting a "connection refused" error. Is it really running.
Other: hmm, I'll check
Other: The host restarted, but I'll get the software up again, no problemo
Other: I started the server again, but there's, but it's throwing errors while initializing. Time to write customer support

And then you get that premium customer support that think we don't know how to use their software at times. And once they realize we do, they don't know much better either. And once they realize we know how to use it there are 3 possibilities:
* They need our help to debug stuff before knowing what is going on
* They need to release a new version and accidentally break backwards compatibility and create enough work for us to burn through the clients contact hours
* They provide helpful advice (secret ending)

These fuck don't even release a proper changelog for their software nor their manuals.

How the fuck am I going to make a fucking email signature appear the same everywhere when the client insists in using a piece of shit software called Outlook and I am a goddam backend developer.

I don't give a shit about spacing and color and stupid fucking fonts.

Thank for listening. Have a great day.

I am conducting technical interviews for about 10 years now.
I swear to god, the applicants keep getting dumber and dumber.
Getting more and more ashamed to talk about data structures, design patters or even the most basic algorithms, everyone with a graduation badge from udemy is now a software engineer. Fuck this shit.

I think I'm not as socially awkward as I once believed. I realize I just have nothing in common with the majority of people.

I don't watch sports, I don't care about cars, or fantasy football, or have any hobbies non-developers would find interesting.

If you want to talk about software patterns, finite automaton, Lua/C APIs, etc, then fuck yeah I'll talk to you all day long.

"I don't have any issues with that (OS, code push, software, etc), so I'm not sure why you are having issues." I love reading comments like that, as if that solves the issue. The fuck does it matter if you don't have issues, they are having issues you moron. For a place for developers you'd think they'd be able to think logically, maybe they're in the wrong line of business. Maybe that software had an error parsing some file because some bit got flipped when writing to the HDD because there's an issue with the drive and the ECC failed for some reason, who cares. There's an issue and you saying it works for you makes you sound like a fucking moron... There's an error/crash, it happens, that's software.

Java is so fucking stupid. Literally nobody likes Java. Fucking stupid ass language and every app that uses it is laggy and stupid as fuck. Fuck you Oracle. This is why literally nobody uses your cloud platform. Stupid deprecated shit that nobody uses anymore.

Anyone that uses Java is forced to because the software ware literally made 949349 years ago. Java is just such a stupid language and so fucking laggy. NOBODY LIKES JAVA VIRTUAL MACHINE. WHAT A STUPID INVENTION. WHOEVER DID THAT NEEDS TO BE FIRED ASAP. Oracle is such a stupid company. Make something that people actually want to use, because obviously nobody wants to fucking use Java. Nasty ass laggy fucking language.

Fuck you

Godmotherfuckingshitpissballs fuck software development. Seriously wtf.

I learned c# and Unity for 4 fuckin years. Now I want to learn Electron and i just cant get it to fuckin work that motherfucker!

Installed node.js into a folder on my Desktop, git cloned the quick start app, copied the files, npm start and wow it starts.

ONCE.

It does not start anymore wtf? Also the stupid tutorials that I bought dont fuckin explain how to set it up properly wtf...

Doesnt help that im a windows noob and the guy in the tutorial is a macSnob.

Goddamnit I hate this phase of learning stuff. It fuckin sucks.

Also software development is around for like what? 30 years and electron is the best solution for GUI that people came up with? Fuck me.

The three open source apps I prefer over "closed" ones. And that not because they're Open Source but because they are free and awesome.

GIMP2 & Blender & Audacity.

Fuck all the alternatives.
Photoshop & C4D (CC ~800€/y),
Maya & 3dsMax (each ~2000€/y),
Magix with their 100 different shitass software,
and so on..

So Microsoft, you tell me that there is a known bug, if you have Windows 10 with the newest update installed on a SSD and Apps running on another hard drive?! And this bugs causes random freezes of the whole PC from time to time?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

It is a common setup nowadays to have a SSD with windows 10 and software on other hard drives and you didn't care to check it before releasing the update? Which I HAVE to download and install?

FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!

So met a guy today in college and it was his first day in class. He told me that he is working as software engineer and having 4 years of experience and primarily works with Java lang.
We do programs in Java for practicals and I'm not good with Java (I fuckin hate). I thought maybe I can ask for help from this guy if I'm stuck. And so the practicals started.
And guess what the guy did not know how to compile Java program on 'cmd' and was seeking help from other guy. I'm like what the actual fuck. How the fuck he has 4 years of experience and can't compile a program. Can't even able to set path. Total idiot. Fuck this shit.

A Bad and Sad Day

Hello Monday,

Client : on weekend site went down for 7 hours? Why ?
Me : Let me check the logs
Client : bla bla bla
boss : check ur code bla bla bla
Reason : Some PHP service stopped on server

Client2 : I have purchased this software and you have to made minor changes
Me : Payment Integrations are not working?
Client : Whataa nonsense is this.. you are supposed to do this
Me : We are supposed to do minor changes. They do not have proper payment integrations. If you want we have to write complete code
Client : bla bla.. I gave you working software

:( Why don't you just fuck off .. liars

I'm migrating data from an old software to a new one I wrote.

Old database it's in Access (yeah, fuck). When I opened one table, the VM hung up and I opened the task manager on MADE

What.The.Fuck.Are.You.Doing?

I'm an advocate of free software, debian specifically, hell my business runs on it!
But sometimes you just can't get around to use proprietry software. One of those is nvidia....

WHAT THE FUCKING MESSED UP NAGGING NARK SHIT NVIDIA!!! YOU FUCKING BREAK MY SYSTEM! YOU WONT PROPERLY COMPILE YOUR KERNEL MODULE, YOU BREAK MY X, AND ONCE I FIXED ALL THOSE THINGS MANUALLY(!) YOU HAVE THE FUCKING GUTS TO NOT EVEN DETECT MY SCREENS PROPERLY

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT!!! NVIDIA YOU SUCK!!! MOTHERFUCKER DO I REALLY HAVE TO FALL BACK TO INTEL GRAPHICS??? FUCK YOUR FUCKING COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY YOUR LINUX SUPPORT

And no i am not planning to use ATI since they dont support EGL, what is a dependency for the gnome desktop...

My developer career has ended before I even start. After failing to get a job, I have started a business men services company. Maybe in the future, I will include software development to the business. So no more rants from my side at least for one year.

Fuck you all fucking retarded companies who wants junior developers with the same experience of senior developers.

Hello world. I'm new here :)
Here we go..

Me: Oh I really need this software but it's Wangblows only..
*Installs wangblows temporarily*
Me: ugh. So much bloatware
*starts uninstalling all shitty games and useless shit in win10*
Me: much better. Let's get coding...
*30min later*
Me: *restarts pc*
Me: why the fuck are all of these apps back? There are even more fucking games and useless crap.
*goes batshit crazy because it's not the first time happening*
Me: fuck this shit
Me: *installs Linux again*
Why the actual fuck do you have to pay for this disgrace called an "operating system" and then you get so much fucking ads and bloatware and..and.. inf cucmfing suofelelchefhdisksls

Skype for business is the most useless fuking piece of shit enterprise joke of a software. Fuck you microsoft.

Me,: we devs need silence to be able to focus properly, and to develop good quality software.

Marketing guy: we need to hang a frame on the wall.

Other marketing guy: yeah, let's grab the drill and make several holes, fuck those devs.

Windows not powering off when I press the shutdown button.

Mandatory long rant warning

Oh my fucking god, how many times have I lost my shit because of this fucking bullshit.

When I press the shutdown button, I want you to shut the fuck down you sorry excuse for an operating system.

Me and my friends want to hang out together, so I shut down my PC and walk over to their house, expecting an intense session of doing programming stuff and debating linux distros. Whatever the fuck we do when we get together.

I get to their house and pull out my laptop,, only its hot as fuck. And then I see it: the battery indicator is red. "What the balls?" I think to myself. I open the lid, and guess what?
WINDOWS DIDN'T FUCKING SHUT DOWN, AND IT STAYED ON THE POWERING OFF SCREEN ALL THIS FUCKING TIME. WHAT THE FUCK?
Now, my laptop has a bomb ass battery, so I didn't even bring a charger with me, and now I'm fucking stuck at a programming session with friends without a computer. FUCKING BULLSHIT.

If this was a one time thing, I wouldn't have cared so much, but this happened countless fucking times. Too many.

I would have deleted this cum socket of an operating system months ago if it weren't for the Windows exclusive software I need for school, and now that Steam supports games for linux, Windows has even less of an excuse to stay on my fucking laptop.

Windows is supposed be fucking simple, but linux takes it by a goddamn long shot. When I type "shutdown now" or "poweroff", linux shuts the fuck down, no questions asked. And if I ever need root permissions, I just type "sudo" instead of restarting the fucking program and requesting admin privileges.

Most of the software I use is compatible with both MacOS and Windows, and I already have Ubuntu installed on my laptop, so what do you guys think, should I butcher Windows off of my SSD and give MacOS a try?

Also, what is this magic? Ranting actually calmed me the fuck down... I need to start ranting more.

FUCK MICROSOFT AND FUCK WINDOWS, I WISH I COULD BURN TO FUCKING OBLIVION

Kiss for fucks sake! What the fuck of an ORM is Sequelize? How the fuck do I have to write a 50 line query json to get a query for a single object going, which doesn't work then because that shit peace of software has a bug that breaks findOne and forces you to use findAll and use the first and only hit?!

Well yes, I looked in your garbage SEO docs for that issue, but whenever I look for something specific I just end up on your optimized as hell querying for noobs doc page. FUCK YOU!

Seriously, you guys working with Sequelize saved me many hours. But fuck your fuckups! And ajfjekidjjskrhbdkaowbdjdkwobdnfie

OKAY

WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS STUPID ANDROID EMULATOR.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS LISTEN TO MY MUSIC WHILE PROGRAMMING

BUT NOOOOOOO

WHENEVER THE FUCKING EMULATOR IS OPEN THE QUALITY OF THE MUSIC IN MY BLUETOOTH HEADPHONES GOES TO aBsOluTe SHIT.

CMON GUYS. GET YOUR HEADPHONES OUT OF YOUR ASS AND TEST YOUR FUCKING SOFTWARE

Honestly I frankly do not care for your title, I care for what you've done and can do.

You may be "more qualified" in research, but if you have no idea how to write software, you're not qualified in software engineering, and frankly, you shouldn't be telling me how to write my code if you don't even understand the use case.

And then don't pretend you own it??????????? The fuck man. I'll sink you.

I am currently blocked from doing my job by a firewall policy handed down from corporate that prevents WSL2 from connecting to the internet. Three days of no dev environment and counting.

We make linux software to be hosted on linux in linux containers in linux. We use linux command line tools to make it work.

"NO! WE ARE THE ALL-POWERFUL IT DEPARTMENT AND YOU MUST USE WINDOWS BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY."

Recruiter: company looking for 4+ years of software engineering experience.
Me: I don't have 4+ years of experience.
Recruiter: I think it should be fine.
Me: lol fuck off

I think I have multiple but this guy stands out.

He was a fellow student at my software development study. Used primarily FOSS systems/software, not because he cared about ethics as much but because that way he could tinker with the software as much as he wanted.

He was always searching for new things to tweak, write, explore and so on. And he shared as much as he could with fellow students.

A few examples of what he did:
- wanted to change something about how Linux worked at its core (he mainly used debian based systems) so he learned how to write kernel modules and wrote his solution.
- wanted to be able to monitor his gas/power usage so he hacked an arduino thing into the power/gas meter and got it to send updates to a messenger at command.
- setup and automated mini data center because fuck it, fun to do.

His thinking was always very creative and to this day I still appreciate what he taught me on that!

Serously I just recoverd from being overworked and senior developers are complaining to me that their code does not work???

DUDE just read the fucking error and start googling!

How the fuck do you think I learned software development?

It's a fucking matter of trail 'n error!

Boss activates encryption on dashboard
we installed the software
2 machines get locked out coz drive got encrypted with bitlocker
No one received the 48 bit key from bitlocker
I loose all my work coz the only way to use my laptop was to format the drive
Me as the technical guy and knowing how encryption works i just formatted the drive

Boss blames me for the cluster fuck

Employer uses IBM Software, which forces me to use Eclipse. I hate eclipse. Hate is a hard word. I'd never say, I really 'hate' a person. But eclipse, eclipse is what I hate. I can look at my smartwatch and see my heartrate rising, just thinking of how the fuck any developer on this crappy planet would ship that bullshit IDE. That saying, I'm totally fine with some bugs, using windows and so on, but eclipse... Is this a get-more-contributors strategy? Holy moly it really kills me. Hey, let's just open that maven Proj.. Oh, crash. Hey, let's install that "bug-free" version of the maven-integratio... Oh, crash. Let's do a global search over my worksp.. Oh, freezed. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How can this be legal? I mean, seriously, most junoir devs I know, just use Eclipse, because they don't know of any other "better" IDE (VIM would be better, even notepad). Is there anyone sucking professors cocks / vaginas to get them introduce that crap IDE to students?

When I was in college I had to code a piece of software for use on the college Intranet.

When it came time to deploy, I went to the network admin to set the package up for distribution.

His first reply, "oh, it's only 8mb, thats so sad".

WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER AS LONG AS IT DOES THE JOB!

When your boss want's you to rewrite your licensing software because they need it to have a trial version... When I asked them in the beginning they told me 'No, we don't need that'....

Fuck me this is going to take me at least some minutes... I hate people

*Releases software for State project comprising of a solution with 3 WinServices and 2 WCF Services*

*Literally 15 min after release*

Email from State: "Here is an updated wsdl schema that is going literally fuck up everything you have released, enjoy!"

Me: *starts convulsing*

Fuck Googles SafetyNet.
I wish for every developer who is responsible for this pile of shit to choke to death on a big fucking piece of chocolate.

SafetyNet is the most retarded piece of software that has ever been developed in the past decade. It does nothing but annoy everyone, randomly block people for no reason and being a gigantic pain in the ass. It has no purpose existing. The entire purpose of it simply does not make sense and is only used for marketing bullshit. The last thing I would trust my actually important shit with is a phone.

Fuck you, Google. Fuck you.

My own colo server. My own cloud. My own infra.

Fuck all of the CSP's and their fucking broken TOS and their data privacy violations!

Why do you think Amazon is so cheap? Because when they discover a product/service/software on AWS makes money, they WILL Reverse engineer it, make it and price you out of the market. It's their business model!

Whenever non-tech boss / client, dive into software engineering problem trying to micromanaging us, and ask how he could help to solve us hoping that the project could speed up in some way.

just stay the fuck away

Compiling software on Linux:

Python interpreter? Easy peasy, just some dependencies here and there. Make does a good job.

Linux kernel? Piece of cake, 20 years of development will be freshly served on your machine after one hour compiling (I have a pretty powerful computer).

Tensorflow? Fuck this shit I am outta.

What is your story with self-built software? Which piece of code has the most terrible dependency hell?

Man…fuck software development

Dear Windows,

y is it that Windows Defender is suddenly closing down apps, I opened on my own, and have been using and interacting with for ages since I installed this OS?

How the fuck is this unwanted software?

Fuck you.

Fuck first level support.
Usually the users are the problem because they don't know how to reboot or they delay software updates to infinity if you give them the option.

Additionally, having to log in on a user's computer, I always feel like I'm entering a messy's appartment. How can they live like that?
Fucking imbeciles.

Data Scientists/Researchers

Stop building libraries.
You can't build libraries.
You're not software engineers.

Write your script as plainly as possible.

Why?

Cus for every fucking paper that has code associated with it, unless it's from Meta or Google, I'm having to edit to make shit work.

Stop over-engineering shit.

Write your model and fuck off.

We have Jira to keep track of bugs and allow users to inform issue with our in-house software. One fucker created ticket, "Hi Guys, I cannot sign-in to Skype business". He even put the screenshot.

What the fuck he expected us to do. Everyday have to deal with low mentality peasants.

Some people get ego boost when they get positions like team lead or manager for software development team. In a nutshell you don't know shit about programming how the fuck you became tech lead? You fucked up the entire project that you managed and now shifting blame on someone else. Well fuck you!

ughh, studying about various software project management methodologies and lifecycles is so boring.

every different model looks similar, saying :
you got an idea?
- check weather its needed and if its practically / financially possible
- get investment and resources,
- design,develop, test, release
- repeat .
why name them waterfall or spiral or rad or agile or shit?

and we know how project go in reality: "fuck its 2 days to release and 5 features left? push to prod, make breaking features, leave the tests and release"

There’s a new macOS update..
-install now
-install later

Me: install now..

Os: there’s another account active, blah blah blah.. please accept our new GPL..

Me: fair enough.. accept GPL..

OS again: Hi blah blah, same message..

Me: ok I’ll try „do it later“..

Os: there’s another account active, blah blah blah.. GPL..

Me: go fuck your self, fuck your overpriced hardware, go guck your software that’s way worse than it was 5 years ago, go fuck YOU!!!

OS: I know I suck, but we don’t Care. So please accept our new GPL.

Thanks apple for becoming what Microsoft was 10 years ago..,

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Worst: Getting struck with Corona when moving to a European country via job, everything went shit, visa late, starting job is late and never certain, for 8 months I was in limbo.

Best: Finally got job and moved, been playing video games all day because it is government job and no way to check what I am doing. Fuck it, I dont like software development as my salary job, just as hobby.

Bye, have to play game.

Holy shit seriously: Fuck MSOffice. Fuck it right in the eyehole.

As desktop software, it's just brutally terrible. On my work mac, it's just sweaty garbage. The latest insult is that on the most recent update, msword stole the default file association from preview.

Libre isn't terrific, but at least it's closed when you close it. For that reason alone, it's orgasmic by comparison.

Because there's justice in the world, my job is not a document-centered one, so I have no real use at all for an office app, let alone the specific macros and formulae that the msoffice versions of these apps provide, so I couldn't give less of a shit about losing functionality.

The headline and main thrust of this rant is "fuck msoffice so hard that it dies of eye-fucking."

Saw new issue on jira. When look, they are like my computer is slow or I cannot any buttons in Excel.

For fuck sake, don't send stupid tickets, we already got stupid projects the company took from the others without consulting to the IT team.

There are about 600 tickets every month and most of them are issue because of their stupidity not the software (they never read the error message). And no we are not IT support, go ask those ppl for your computer issue.

Dear Oracle,
why do I have to have an X server running for your stupid Oracle Database to install?
Why are you sometimes capable of writing good software like VirtualBox, and then fuck up simple tasks like creating a docker image for your fucking Database? (Seriously, try it, you will not be able to set up a simple Oracle Database using their official Dockerfiles)
Also, what makes you think that -4 is the "most appropriate exit status"?!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Fuck you really hard you proprietary piece of shit!

What the fuck is up with job ads for "software engineer" that don't list the tech stack or even the actual product you'd be working on. I get it that it's some shitty external HR companies but are they even trying?

Also half the fullstack positions that don't even list the front stack. "Looking for a backender that will also cobble together some mess for the front, we don't give a shit". And then half of professional software is virtually unusable.

Hey Code-tards,

We're announcing a new update to our software `FUCK YOU` to include a new 'feature' no one asked and would give a FLYING FUCK about, but we were sitting on our MOTHERFUCKING ASSES and had to justify our salaries somehow.

So this new feature really just makes your life horrible by taking away or breaking all useful features you were PERFECTLY HAPPY with before, but FUCK YOU if you aren't happy with it and don't throw half of your salary our way every month.

Remember our library you were perfectly OK with, that u integrated in your codebase? DEPRECATED from this second onwards. WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU ! That's WHY.

Oh yeah, and one last thing before we make your life a living hellhole, give us your SSN, credit card(s) and mortgage payments to us, you money-hungry CUNT. Haven't you heard the phrase already? YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY.

Friend has great idea for a software project built on top of OpenAI's API.

He wants it to be freemium, littered with ads.

He doesn't code. I think he's hinting at me to build it for him and I'll continue acting aloof.

I will not build software that's funded by ads.

Fuck ads. I hate ads.

Riddle me this

Client wants solution based on open source software.

Any additional software that I write (let's say, an offline store plugin for Feast feature store) to add missing functionality has to be closed source.

Fuck you. Intellectual property my ass. You and me wouldn't even have projects if it werent for OSS.

Good luck maintaining the plugin after I am gone.

I'm doing a lot of work and will have close to nothing to show to future employers.

(BTW, if it were for the old Microsoft model of code source, I would have never become a programmer of any sort. God bless OSS)

Is there any other software more fucking bloated than Skype? Fuck you Skype, for constantly freezing everytime I start chatting, making me take my precious hands off my precious keyboard and use the fucking...... __mouse__ to fucking click into the text box, THEN start chatting. EVERY FUCKING TIME. Whoever is working on that team, please get your head out of your ass and fix the laggy bullshit you've created. Thank you.

Dude I want to ask you , It's possible for me to call myself as a software engineer if I always got a cancer when I try to create HTML template ? I'm suck as fuck on front-end, I can't even create a single HTML template even if you give me help with css framework. I don't know what to do with HTML and CSS, they're totally fucked up my life.

Why the fuck don't you provision and configure the cloud virtual machine yourself, "web lead" guy who uses fucking WINDOWS to develop software? Why don't you install Webmin and PHPMyAdmin in the VM yourself if you like GUIs so much? Why do I have to configure Apache and MySQL and fix all sorts of little issues for your project just so you can use some shitty CMS? I'm not your fucking IT support guy. Go learn how to use Unix, take responsibility for your shit, and let me spend my time actually developing software.

Why the fuck everything I make breaks in fucking IE. Microsoft just fucking realize its shot software already. I am sick of doing alternative code for your dumb ass broke, non-updating ass, waterfall method fucking ass, software.

First software refactoring in the company I worked for. No test environnement because "who needs it?", no unit testing, no comments, had to make sql updates and shit, was scared all day long that something would fuck up.
"Fuck fuck fuck, forgot a part of the where !" Had to fix everything quickly so no one would notice, no coffee/smoke pauses. On top of that, got a ton of retarded requests from the PM and other technicians working with me like "hey boi, could you add an icon to every button we made? There's like a thousand, we need it for tonight, our client will come visit us and I want to show him a better interface blablabla"
And since I was an intern, I couldn't refuse, had to work like a prostitute in virgin-land, and for what?

"Oi, you did good, now do other stuff"

I started writing code at a young age, nodding games, building websites, modifying hex files, hacking etc... I started my career off tho in highschool writing embedded code for a local medical robotics company, and also got tasked with building the mobile app to control these robots and use them for diagnostics, etc.... this was before the App bubble, before there was app degree and that bullshit.. anyway graduated highschool, went to college to get a comp sci degree.
Wanted to teach for the university and research AI...

well I dropped out of college after 3 years, cuz I spent more time at work than in class. (I was a software consultant) in the auto industry in Detroit. I wasn’t learning anything I didn’t already know or could learn from books or a quick google search.
I also didn’t like the approach professors and the department taught software... way none of the kids had a good foundation of what the fuck they were doing... and everyone relied on the god damn IDEs... so I said fuck it and dropped out after getting in plenty of arguments with the professors and department leads.

I probably should have choose CE .. but whatever CS imo still needs a solid CE/EE foundation without it, 30 years from now I fear what will become of the industry of electronics... when all current gen folks are retired and nobody to write the embedded code, that literally ALLLLL consumer electronics runs on. Newer generations don’t understand pointers, proper memory management etc.

So I combined both passion AI and knowledge of software in general and embedded software, and been working on my career in the auto industry without a degree, never looked back.

Fucking fuck fuck fuck outdated superiors that know jack shit about how software development works. Dnt even know about git, docker, cloud services. Everything is done on premise with network that is fucking crap and when an app is down "hey why is it down?" ask the fucking server and network admin how the fuck am i supossed to know? i have to create workaround codes when other devs just need to deploy their app and its fucking running as it should be. why the fuck do i need to spend my time debugging Ping timeouts? im a fucking dev. I have done designs, analyze requirements, build frontend, backend, optimize codes, paying attention to security and now i have to fix network problems as well? fuck off

Create Innovation my fucking arse. you just Keep saying that but then wondering "what is this new thing youre trying? its new and different why do that?" because you asked for innovation you fuck. If i copied some other concept its not innovation is it pricks.

Fuck them and all the brown nosers as well.

Why the fuck does a company put such crappy antivirus software on your PC you can't even compile code.

Why would some companies advertise a job post as Software Engineer, and only to find out deep in the process after doing multiple interviews, that it’s actually a support job??

Seriously why the fuck do that? That’s disingenuous and misleading as fuck?
And why would a dev be dropping a dev job and experience to do tech support ? Is it even worth it?

Even if it is, can you easily switch back to an actual dev job afterwards?
Wow the things some of these companies do 😶🙄😑🤦🏾‍♂️

Why the fuck do some developers think it's cool or cute to name their software after genitalia?

Some of these tossers really need to grow up.

Motherfucking cocksucking Microsoft windows. The worst software ever written by shittiest developers.

Mother fucker blowed up all the partitions ( Linux installation, root and /home partition ), including windows recovery disk.

I wish, your HQ will blow up the same way, someday.

Bill Gates .... Go fuck yourself with a iron rod

Angst driven development

'We are fearful that our customers cancel, if we do many changes'

Fuck that! I want to do a good software, without the old crap just because it's used to be this way.

I just got a fucking job again after 2.5 months between jobs and the new place has been allowing (if not encouraging) the piracy of Windows Server in client environments... I thought this place had so much potential but I was wrong.

Going to start looking for another full time job or really buckledown and try to get my freelance project/business started.

BTW fuck microshaft for expensive licensing, but I’m not risking my certs and professional career for some idiots trying to pirate software.

Bower, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CRAP PACKAGE MANAGER!

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

This asshole software is fucking with me and steals my time!

bower mapsjs-core#* cached e-tag:64e4e0850

bower mapsjs-core#* resolved e-tag:41af792c9

bower mapsjs-core#* install e-tag:41af792c9

What would you think is the installed version? WRONG! It's the fucking old cached version.

What the fuck is happening? Probably it's thinking "oh, this is the cached version, I'm looking if there is a new version for it. Yep, new version. I'll download it. But I have a cached version in the user home-directory, I better tell the that I installed the new version but take the old one."

Crap software.

I know this is the second rant on a row about this, but I really need to hear someone saying that IBM enterprise software sucks. Nothing works, everything heavy and slow as fuck, documentation doesn't exist, official developer's forum gives me an error on login, many IBM official pages give me a 500 internal error. And, in the end, this costed as hundreds of thousands of euro. Seriously?

I'm a .Net developer from Morocco, i'm currently working on an accounting software for this fucking company owned by an American boss. And i'm handling every single aspect of the project including the back-end (C#), Database (Sql Server), Reports (crystal reports, ABAP, VSTO), and design (UI, logos, animation...). For a salary of 300 USD/month, with no insurance, no transportation fees, and no fuck given about my health or my coworkers'. Not mentioning the shitty working hours and condition.
This is my first (job)

Fucking Huawei have stopped giving out codes for unlocking the bootloader of their devices. You can't even get one by messaging their support.

Now you can't even root Huawei phones anymore unless you pay for some very sketchy looking software.

Fuck this

Fuck corporate proxies. Fuck having to debug them, fuck figuring out how to use them with every piece of software you need, fuck failed builds due to some repository surprisingly being blocked for unknown reason and, most of all, fuck IT staff who deny there was a problem once it mysteriously disappears.

Fucking fuck Nvidia. Shit suckers and ass lickers can't make a fucking thing properly. Everytime I have to compile something involving cuDNN and cuda I wish I could kill myself first. It's a piece of garbage software that we're stuck with. Fuck you mother fuckin Nvidia.

Samsung has a bug in their galaxy software that essentially makes you unable to store anything that's not in the root folder on an additional sd card. After 2 years, they still have the bug. Additionally some phones will shit themselves if you try to format an sd card with it

How the fuck can they just leave significant bugs. The whole just get a new phone every other year mentality/industry style is both wasteful and seems to contribute to garbage software

You know what's the worst in doing software?
being assigned that dreadful project, that's doomed and cursed just from the start. Nobody dared to try or touch it for 7 years, because it's destined to fail. You will never get the resources to do it properly, all the constrains are just against you. Even as the requirements bars are lowered and lowered you barely make it. You keep testing that shit with QA for like 8 months past schedule. Then before release some core changes need to be done. It passes QA, but you somehow now it's just a ticking time bomb. It will just crumble and fall somewhere out there, if somebody dares to use that shit for real.

And so it goes.

Bug reports coming in.

On my way to my first interview for my internship as a software developer. I just hope I don't fuck it up D:

tldr: Fuck Adobe Premiere

What the flying fuck.
I have a school project together with a friend and decided to do a video. Not only do we now only have one fucking day left, because the teacher decided we dont need time or anything, but I have to learn video editing software, record clips and create the video withing one fucking day.
I've downloaded Premiere because I have a 7 day trial left and had Creative Cloud on my PC and WHAT THE FUCK kind of fucked up bullshit software is this human compiled piece of shit?! I needed to google how to add text and edit it because adding text gives you absolutely nothing, you get no possibility to edit the text in any way, except the content. After googling for 10 minutes because I have the newest version and they changed the text tool, I found out that you need to go to another tab... of which there is 7 and all have such telling names like: "Effects" and "Compose"...
I needed to go to "Effects" BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT, TEXT SURE LOOKS LIKE AN EFFECT TO ME! Then I wanted to align it to the right so its on 50% of the screen. You fucking cant, I've tried and looked for an hour the only possibility you have is to align it to the center or just throw it somewhere. The snapping didn't even work correctly. So I tried to do something else because I was ready to punch a kitten.
A box. A box thats black. A box thats black and thats aligned to the... FUCK YOU, YOU CANT ALIGN THIS BOX.

I cant align a box...
They dont even give me the possibility to...
But I can align the text BOX, not even the FUCKING TEXT itself...

What
The
Fuck

This is the worst program I've EVER had to use. I'm fucking mad and this fucking project can FUCK ITSELF.

What is the fucking point of creating an amazing device with amazing software, which has a very nice API BUT USELESS FUCKING DOCS.

The thing has features that are only visible in their software, it is mentioned nowhere in the api docs and I have no fucking idea how to access those important features. Fuck you

"But using XYX is better and it's not hard to set up!"
No, fuck you and your recommendations.

It's too time consuming to set up that blazing-fast minimalistic modular shit, because I know I'll want to configure it to perfection until I bang my head against my tiny keyboard when I have finally realised that all the config I went througu only achieved the same outcome as the 'bloated' software I was originally using.

So, fuck you.
I'd rather get on with my life and get some work done.

It's not like I wasn't aware of XYZ in the first place; I'm not using it because I know what's more important to get my shit done.

When clients fucks up installment even though there are clear instructions included...

I didnt sign up for this shit

Product manager: When building new features, we find we have bugs that reappear in other parts of the app where the bug was solved before. We have to find a solution to this issue.

Dev: These are called regressions, they happen all the time in software development.

Product manager: ...

Dev: Fuck outta here! Its friday!

Man I am sick and tired of developers (I was about to put that in quotes, but it's mean), acting "cool" all the time. Like let me just put it out there, WTF is dAy iN tHE LiFE oF A sOftWaRe deVELoper.

Get the fuck out here. All you do is eat, walk, eat, chat, laugh and fuck around all day, with no work being done. And I'm supposed to respect you. Educate these young and fresh developers on what it is really like, rather than teasing them with the ideal life they think it is.

Who the FUCK thought "let's completely redesign the Doodle mobile app and make it as unusable as possible!"?

The app RESETS every selected option EVERY time you switch to another app and back. Like yea, you don't need to use the calendar app to check at what dates you're available.

Fucking morons! What. a. shit. piece. of. software. How can any PM approve of this? I bet even ChatGPT could do a better job. Fucking hell. "Let's save money with developing hybrid apps! We have no clue how to do it right but: we spend less money, yay!" Fuck. You.

(First rant. Don't know if I did this right but I had to let this out.)

Remember, the more "cutting edge" and "thousands of clients" a company has is inversely related to the quality of documentation they have on their APIs and software solutions.

I don't give a fuck about your pretty examples, show me which FIELDS can take which VALUES. It's that simple. Instead, I'm wasting your company's and my own time by spamming support for what should be basic questions clearly outlined in the documentation.

YES!

Finished a complete version upgrade with vastly improved scalability and maintenance in just 3 weeks!

NO!

I forgot to do the database migrations as I went along. Ok... no problem.. I'll just use some kind of database comparing software, I'm sure they exist...

<googles...>

...fuck... is there not any for free?

Ok fine whatever i'll manually compare the tables and columns, fuck it. Sure there's like 50 tables and like 20 columns per... whatever...
should take like a day or so, with testing...

YES!

Finished my new version upgrade after just 6 weeks of coding!

....fuck sakes...

Fuck PHPMyAdmin.
It's not PHP nor MyAdmin, it's trash. 0 stars. (/s)
But seriously, why is this the de facto database editing software in every PHP hosting I use. I haven't found anything (ANYTHING) Adminer doesn't do, and _better_.

What’s one thing (big or small) you still don’t know or understand in software development and still don’t give a fuck.

Mine: Bitwise operation

"I need a way to create PDFs from word documents"
"OK, here's Cute PDF, just print to it"
"Great, how does this work with my pdf letterhead?"
"Oh, well that's different, we'll need to create a word template with the letterhead pieces from the PDF. Here you go."
"OK, how do I merge the word documents generated by my fuckmess of a CRM software system?"
"You can copy and paste it, or we can purchase this software for you that should be able to do it"
"Why didn't you install that software first? You guys are useless"

Alright buddy, fuck you too. I'll be sure to automatically assume that even though your initial email is a full, complete request, that there's more behind it and read your mind through the email going forward.

300 fucking people.

and only 120 are allowed to study SOFTWARE ENGINEERING while everyone else can go fuck themselves in a COMPUTER SCIENCE COLLEGE

why is this restricted so much

why such a small amount of people are allowed to study SOFTWARE ENGINEERING

are you telling me i sacrificed my time and wasted 2 years of my life on college because i wanted to study SOFTWARE ENGINEERING, just so i can go fuck myself after 2 years?

someone explain this to me

this is unacceptable

Getting a new laptop tomorrow, and was planing the process of setting it up.

Steps for new windows computer
1. Delete all included software... all of it.. call an exorcist if needed. Cast out the demons. Seriously, fuck you norton, and fuck you mcafee.

2.Use Edge to download ANY other browser.

3.edit system files to disable Edge, because fuck Edge.

4.install linux subsystem.

5.intall linux software like git, and use git to restore rc files.

6.party all night (code)

Fuck Arch wifi handling!!! Why can’t you fucking just have the needed software in the base package!!! Because when you take YOU FUCKING USB INSTALLATION SOMEWHERE THERE’S NO ETHERNET!!! You’re FUCKED!!! What’s the point! Now I need to boot from my lubuntu usb dual boot install, FUCKING INSTALL the Arch iso, VirtualBox and then the needed wifi packages!! Fuck!

I'm about to get my MSc and I've been getting a lot of interesting offers as a software engineer at small and big companies.
But I'm a fucking chemical engineer, and I don't know if I should be honoured or I should be mad. What the fuck is wrong with people?

context: I'm sort of a self-deprecating guy and I really don't look for validation.

So, i decided to fuck it. I tried to provide the best decisions in terms of money-wise/biz-wise but apparently this guys rather choose what he believes is best for the code... (he knows shit of coding and that's coming from someone who is not a software engineer but rather a physicist who happens to code).
So, now i let him make all decisions. no opinion from me. a few things are going to shit because of him... fuck it. i had it. as long as I get paid. fuck him.

this is probably common... sorry for the rant.

I got enough Today so I marked my linkedin profile with “looking for new opportunities”.

It’s actually cool you can pick up to 5 job positions, location, form of employment and let know only to recruiters not all of your contacts that you are open for a new “opportunities ”.

I picked technical consultant, software architect, technical lead, lead software engineer and principal software engineer.

Time will tell if I will be able to find something better then I am dealing with right now.
Customer I am consulting for is cool but the company I work for went over the years from cool to get the fuck out right now cause we only hire managers and people without any knowledge.
It’s probably cause they hired many people from one company that was acquired, probably those who know everything about nothing.

If software developers / engineers and various other technical people stop serving banks and governments and become free minded we’re be having our own clothes and food served to us whenever we want and where we want by now.

Fucking capitalism and stupid dickheads.

I think being able to be served by robots in your own house to provide you everything you need is first step for long spaceship trips that can take over galaxies.

Living on this planet is boring as fuck.

Now that I am on vacation I realise that there was a period of 3 months this year in which I didn't talk to any female at all except for my mom and sister, just because there are almosy no girls that study software engineering... What the fuck is happening here? Could we please make SE more attractive for women? Its not just that I would like to flirt with women, I think that having women around would improve a great deal of things. For instance, I think that a group dynamic is a lot better if the group contains women.

How do you think we can make software development more appealing to women?

Why is it that every python project I come across seems to not even want you to use it.
The deployment always sucks, you get some random ass errors because some parts are in python 2 instead of 3 I guess. If there's a C library involved it most definitely won't work. What the fuck is conda and why do I need it to install software?
Where is the documentation to build a release yourself if the public ones don't work?

Newbie Agile Team: "Hi Scrum Coach, we studied and implemented the Scrum methodology, but we are late as before and our software is buggy and shitty as ever, how is that?"

Agile Coach: "Scrum Methodology is easy to learn, but difficult to master!"

Newbie Agile Team (chorus): "Oh coach, Fuck yourself daily, with your coffe thermos, standing up and once per week retrospectively. If you'll come at the next review meeting, we will gangbang your ass in front of the stakeholders"

Why broken stuff is allowed through the door?

My Ubuntu, my Bluetooth headsets, Jira, my latest Google pixel, eCommerce shop where I purchase stuff everything lately seem to be full of bugs.

It seems like nobody cares about the quality of software pushed to production. Everyone is so quick to push those tickets into "released".

Fuck you, managers, shareholders, scrum masters, seniors who push developers to do stuff quickly rather than correctly.

Renaming a file is just too difficult for this piece of shit software.

Fixing bugs? Fuck no.

Fixing crashes? Fuck no.

Fixing the unnavigable IDE settings? Fuck no.

The IntelliJ platform is a bloated piece of shit at every level.

JetBrains cannot produce software that isn't held together by duct tape.

I can't name a single item of software they've ever produced that isn't a bloated piece of shit.

Even if you are prepared to waste a lot of time trying to file a bug report – which they usually just ignore or pretend not to be reproducible – you have to use another in-house heap of shit called YouTrack.

Have you tried using this piece of trash that masquerades as a bug tracker?

These people are fucking clinically insane.

While your IDE becomes unresponsive and crashes without warning, or your keyboard shortcuts just mysteriously stop working in the IDE, or indexing just stops working for no reason, why not check out their TikTok and Twitter accounts?

They've got an excellent PR team that knows how to polish a turd for public consumption, and to make money out of it.

I am a web app developer by profession and software engineer by qualifications but when there is a problem with router, firewall or a server needs to be setup, whether internal or for client, all my employer can see is me. Sometimes i get too tired of this shit. Also I am expected to work at home during night as if I don't have any life outside this field. I need to enjoy my life with I am young. I am twenty and stuck. Fuck it.

Fuck Anaconda Navigator. Sincerely, the worst piece of "software" that has ever existed

With work from home being way more productive why the fuck would any software development company go back to the office? Rent, workstations, and electricity are expensive! Why spend that money when it’s not essential to your business.

If your the installation instructions for your software are to clone the repo and build from source then fuck you!

I want to use the thing not tinker with it. Make it available on apt or something