TOP 10 PROGRAMMING BEST PRACTICES

#1 Start numbering from 0.
#10 Sort elements in lexicographic order for readability.
    #2 Use consistent indentation.
#3 use Consistent Casing.
#4.000000000000001 Use floating-point arithmetic only where necessary.
#5 Not avoiding double negations is not smart.
#6 Not recommended is Yoda style.
#7 See rule #7.
#8 Avoid deadlocks.
#9 ISO-8859 is passé - Use UTF-8 if you ▯ Unicode.
#A Prefer base 10 for human-readable messages.
#10 See rule #7.
#10 Don't repeat yourself.

day 1 - colleague buys a mini need pistol

day 2 - other colleague buys a big nerf pistol

day 4 - other colleague buys a f#&$ nerf shotgun

day 7 - I buy a automatic nerf gun

day 8 - huge nerf war with other co-workers

day 9 - nerf weapons banned on the office

yesterday - wait colleague leave the office and shoot him on the face every time

today - everyone walking crouched leaving the office

Please, if you are the someone else's boss, don't ban nerf guns, it's worse..

(sensitive parts censored)

Friend: Hey, can you hack my (some website) account?
Me: Depends... What's your username?
Friend: (tells username)
Me: (clicks forgot password?)
Friend: I will give $10 if you do it. There is 2 factor authentication enabled.
Me: (silence) Ok.
Website: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: Hey, did you graduated BLAH elementary school?
Friend: Yeah.
Me: Ahh, I remember. You moved to BLAH elementary school in what grade?
Friend: 4
Me: Hmmm, I don't remember seeing you. What class were you in?
Friend: 5
Me: Well, I now remember. Stupid me. (smirks)
Friend: Haha. (continues to play games beside me)
Me: (Types in 8)
Website: We sent you a password to blah@example.com
Me: (uhh, heads to example.com and clicks forget password?)
Email: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: (wtf is this, types 8)
Email: Please type the teacher's name when you were in in 4th grade.
Me: What was the teacher's name?
Friend: Huh?
Me: When you were in 4th grade.
Friend: Ahh! John Smith.
Me: Ahh, he was strict, right?
Friend: Yeah (continues to play games again)
Me: (Types in John Smith)
Email: Set a new password.
Me: (Types "youaresostupid")
Email: Done!
Me: (copies PLAIN TEXT password from email, logs in to website)
Me: Da-da!
Friend: (gasps)
Me: Money plz~
Friend: Nope.
Me: (wtf, then remembers i changed his email password) Fine then.

=====================

1. There is 2 factor authentication enabled. : Got it?
2. The website sent plaintext password.
3. He is just pure idiot.
4. I didn't got the money.
5. I am now a h4x0r

The beginning of my freelancing time. I was so naive. Didn't even used contracts...

This one client wanted a website with 2 specific features until a certain time. It should look nice, but only the features functionality was defined. All seemed reasonable at first.

I delivered 2 weeks before the deadline. The client was furious, as it didn't look like they imagined. They wrote me 8 lengthy emails with very fractioned feedback. It was becoming unreasonable.

But hey, I'm a newbie in this business. I have to make myself a name, I thought.
Oh was I naive....

This whole project went on for 2 more months. The client was unhappy with every change and 2-5 emails a day with new demands were coming in. I was changing things they wanted done 2 days ago, because they changed their mind.

Then they started to get personal. They were insulting me and even my family. My self-confidence dropped to an all-time low.

In the end I just sent them all the code for free and went to therapy.

BTW: this was also my most important experience, as things went up hill from then on. As Yoda once said: The greatest teacher, failure is.

How everyone uses stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Spot a bug
3. Try to solve the bug and fail.
4. Write a question for SO.
5. Post question on SO.
6. Get the answer and some points.

How I use stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Find a bug
3. Try to fix the bug and fail
4. Write a question on SO
5. Get scared that I might be downvoted.
6. Spend 45 minutes optimizing the structure of the question.
7. Try additional tests to cover all possible scenarios.
8. Still scared to click post.
9. Scrap everything and restart line by line writing further details of each step in your question.
10. Find the bug myself.
11. Click cancel on the question that took me 3+ hours to write.
12. Cry.

I have made this RGB LED tie. One of my friends and me had the idea at 2 am and now it has come to reality :D

It runs on an Arduino nano, 8 rgb leds and is powered by a 9V battery.

I have prom tomorrow ('abschlussball' in german) I probably won't wear it during the official part but definitely at the party after prom.

The current animation is a bit too fast (I was listening to hardstyle while coding it) for the music they will play tomorrow at the party so I still have to make a slower one.

Tell me what you think about it :P

My coding behavior:
1. console.log("Hello World");
2. CTRL S
3. this.date=moment();
4. CTRL S
5. const yesterday = this.date
6. CTRL S
7. Open Chrome Browser to preview
8. Accidentally pressed CTRL S and saved that page

This is what happens when you use an 8-bit unsigned int for a temperature field, and it's -2°F outside

Popularity of programming languages according to the DRRDSI (DevRant Rubber Duck Selling Index):

1. JS
2. Java
3. Python
4. C#
5. PHP
6. C++
7. Ruby
8. SQL
9. Swift

6pm - arrive home from work, log into my computer and start working on side projects.

4am - Finally go to sleep after staying up all night setting up arch in a vm.

7am - Start drive to work in the snow and ice.

7:20am - car runs out of wiper fluid.

7:30am - round corner so that I’m driving towards the sun, windshield is covered in mud and I have 2% visibility.

7:35am - take off ramp towards gas station so I can buy fluid and wash window.

7:36am - Car mysteriously parked in center of off ramp, nearly smash it but have a narrow miss.

7:40am - can’t find the freaking pully in new car to pop hood

7:41am - found it.

7:50am - drove the back way to work because it cuts out traffic, but includes many steep hills that I forgot existed, come to a skid at bottom of one and am pushed out into the main road, luckily nobody is coming and I’m able to continue on my merry way.

8:01am - sit down in desk, lead staff person comes over evoking Lumbergh from Office Space and lets me know I need to be on time to work and that the snow doesn’t give me an excuse. I agree and smile and suck up and he leaves.

8:02am - pull out phone to write down notes about personal project that I thought of on drive here, phone dies. I forgot to plug it in last night.

8:04am - found power bank charger thing in desk but it uses a micro-b type usb and I only have usb type c on me.

8:10am - borrow usb from old headset in office surplus.

8:11am - writing notes. Have sudden realization that I didn’t shut down my vm and that when my computer went to sleep and subsequently locked it probably halted virtualbox and everything would be lost for the second time.

8:12am - got on devRant.

Very worst programing language 10

10. No reason to
9. call any
8. Programing language
7. the worst.
6. Cuz
5. they have
4. advantages and
3. uses according to
2. their philosophy.
1. JAVA

The typical devRanter

1. Uses dark theme of IDE and devRant app
2. Hates his/her clients
3. Likes Arch based distros
4. Checks his/her ++'s count or notifications after publishing a rant
5. Hates facebook
6. Associate the morning with a cup of coffee
7. Can't do any job when there are no headphones
8. iPhone vs Android? - fuck, they both are good/bad
9. Every time googles git command to remove a local branch
10. The best VCS is git, but I never used any other VCS

10 Things You’ll Find Shocking About Asynchronous Operations:

3.
2.
7.
4.
6.
1.
9.
10.
5.
8.

(found on twitter by @iamdevloper 😂)

Base10 is interesting.
Did you know that any number > 9 has this weird thing where if you sub it's digits from the number over and over, it'll eventually become 9?

For example: 35
35 - 3 - 5 = 27
27 - 2 - 7 = 18
27 - 1 - 8 = 9

Try it with any number you like.

Me 6 months ago: "This is fucking genius. Beauutiful. Look at that code. See how I did this? Wow, I love it. Fuck I'm good"

Me Now: " What. the. ffuck? Wtf is this? What was I thinking? Goddamn. "

*reduces 3 methods and 37 lines to 2 methods and 8 lines*

Well at least it shows I'm still learning.

What my lecturer think I have learned:
- Programming Patterns
- C, C++, Java
- Socket programming, web programming
- Operating system...

What I have actually learned:
1. printf("Hello World");
2. echo "Hello World";
3. console.log("Hello World");
4. Console.Writeline("Hello World");
5. cout << "Hello World" >> endl;
6. System.out.println("Hello World");
7. puts "Hello World";
8. "Hello World"
9. write("Hello World");
10. Display "Hello World"

12yo: omg i need to wake up in 15 hours for school, i need to get to bed asap

14yo: omg only 12 hours of sleep until i need to wake up for school, i gotta go to bed

17yo: shit just 10 hours of sleep, need to go to bed rn

19: only 8 hours of sleep until i need to wake up for college, that's more than enough

20: just 5 hours of sleep until i need to wake up for college, exactly how much i need

21: 2 hours is just fine

1. Code works
2. Add if statement
3. Code breaks
4. Comment out if statement
5. Code works
6. Uncomment if statement
7. Code works
8. Wtf??

How to install vim in Linux:
1. Download gvim80.exe
2. Install Wine
3. wine gvim80.exe
( Follow installation instructions. Keep on
clicking next)
4. Download DosBox.exe
5. wine DosBox.exe
6. MOUNT F /path/to/wine/vim
(Mount vim installation directory)
7. vim.exe
8. Enjoy the latest vim :)

This is how my day has gone so far:
1. In car, see advert about hackathon
2. Look it up, see tickets go on sale in 30mins
3. Read more about hackathon, apparently tickets go within minutes
4. Get tickets, print
5. Printer out of ink
6. Accidentally deleted ticket, can't reprint
7. No more tickets left so can't get another
8. Spend hours with data recovery tools
9. Remember recycle bin. Reprint ticket
10. Cry
11. Rant on devRant

For those who were wondering, since my last post had some people who seemed interested, here's my progress on my 8-bit computer. I've got the clock on the left hand side, and the 2 8-bit registers on the right hand sign. (The power strips in the middle are going to be used as a bus)

Ahahaha I don't know if I cry or laugh..

I slept 1 hour today, woke up, left the kid at school came back home planning on sleeping another 2 hours and coming to work.

Took a shower and remembered I had an important meeting by 8:30 am and it was already 8:10 ... Ran like fucking crazy , ate an orange for breakfast ran like a lunatic in traffic just to arrive at work by 8:34 and be told the meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon...

Had to smile to who rescheduled the meeting right now writing this rant :)

Now... Who the fuck sends an email at 00:02 to reschedule a fucking meeting??

Fuck.

Okay, time to delete my old Skype account
1. Enter Skype name
2. Reset password
3. Captcha
4. Complete email
5. Enter email code
6. You are logged in now, please complete your profile first
7. Enter birth date
8. Add your phone number or second email address
9. Create new outlook mail
10. Got access to profile settings
11. Click on delete profile
12. Stop please first verify your email again
13. Enter code
14. Check all checkboxes that I am really sure to want it deleted
15. Click delete button

Fuck hell and that all again for my second account

The company I work for...
Has:

1. No CI/CD
2. SVN instead of GIT
3. Outsourcing to India (oof)
4. No Automated Testing
5. Uses Bugnet (ancient, outdated)
6. No clearly defined code standards
7. No real documentation on the code
8. Rubbish code
9. No desire to reduce technical debt
10. Poorly maintained DB
11. Poor outdated equipment
12. A useless PM
13. Still priotizes IE support (??)

On a scale of 1 to 10 how fucked is this company and anything they develop?

1. Find bug
2. Try 3 methods of fixing
3. All fail
4. Tell yourself you're trying for the LAST time then you'll go on to something else
5. End up trying 5 more times
6. Repeat step 4 20 times
7. Cry
8. Finally take a break
9. Return next day, try another method, it works instantly

FML!

A guide to estimations.

1) don’t give an immediate answer. The first “timeframe” you give will be held against you and will result in overtime and working weekends.

2) think of a relevant piece of work and the time that took.

2.1) if it’s something you haven’t done before, add some adequate research time.

3) allow half a day of testing for every day of development.

4) add a day as buffer - this is good for on the fly bug fixes

5) calculate time

6) now give an educated estimate.

7) this should take you 5 seconds to get through mentally.

8) if scope creep occurs: goto:1

Hello Monday:
0.Arrive late due to traffic.(Apparently a car hit a cow crossing the road)
1. Try upgrading php5 to php7 and break stuff in the process and waste 2 hours fixing things.(Poor connection so ssh sessions hung occasionally)
2.PHP fixed,open Gmail and get over 100 emails from clients about the server being down(because of (0)).Ignore all.Find a snaglist of over 20 TODOs.
3.Open Android Studio, update to 2.3 and everything becomes broken.Each time i open it ,it crashes and i have to "Report to Google"
4.Spend the next 1 hour reinstalling AS.It finally works.
5.Open Project and the libraries are broken.Spend another hour upgrading build tools.
6.Leave SDK to update and decide to check my Google Cloud console.$50 bill pending.Shit.
7.Try XCode. Remember the project is still in Swift 2 and I have to upgrade it(Would take eternity).Immediately closes xcode.
8.Gives up on life and decides to log into Devrant.

Life of an IT guy

1.Born
2.Study
3.Job
4.Shall I share my screen?.
5.Are you able to see my screen?
6.Am I audible ?
7.Correct me if I'm wrong
8.Sorry I was on mute
9.Ok.. I am sending that email.
10.Did you receive my email?
11.I am on a sick leave.
12.Death

Pretty much it!

“ 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 10 ”

(Microsoft and Apple signing)

Yesterday was Friday the 13th, so here is a list of my worst dev nightmares without order of significance:

1) Dealing with multithreaded code, especially on Android

2) Javascript callback hell

3) Dependency hell, especially in Python

4) Segfaults

5) Memory Leaks

6) git conflicts

7) Crazy regexes and string manipulations

8) css. Fuck css.

9) not knowing jack shit about something but expected by others to
produce a result with it.

10) 3+ hours of debugging with no success

Post yours

"New revolutionary technology, ai powered smartphone, 720° camera, 8 screens"

Cool

Can i have 2 days battery life instead?

1
10
11
12
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Lets sort numbers like this!
-Greetings from my file manager!

10 Things You’ll Find Shocking About Asynchronous Operations:

3.
2.
7.
4.
6.
1.
9.
10.
5.
8.

8 deadlines, 2 people, 1 day before the holidays

And we managed it all! 🥳🥳🥳

Me everyday:
1- Get excited to start coding
2- Start coding
3- Run code
4- Bug found
5- Start debugging
6- Start feeling frustrating
7- Start questioning myself about career
8- Start hating life
9- Start banging head against the wall
10- Start looking for a different job
11- Oh shit! It was a typo
12- Go back to number 1

2019 resolutions/goals recap: (non-personal ones)
1) Improve diet (did; e.g. ramen and fast food to clean keto)
2) Lose weight (did; lost 24 pounds!)
3) Find a good job (did, twice)
4) Buy a harp (did not; large and expensive, no place to put it, and I have small children who would absolutely break it)
5) Keep house clean, even if it's by myself (did, somewhat; I cleaned some, managed to get one other person to clean semi-regularly, and another sporadically)
6) Work on social awkwardness (did; read and applied Dale Carnegie's The Art of Public Speaking, which netted me my last job offer. Still pretty awkward though)
7) Move out of the desert (did not; not enough money, and job didn't allow remote work)
8) Stop bloody waiting on people (did not; still very guilty of this...)

I don't remember the rest 🙁 didn't write them down last year. But I still accomplished 5 out of the 8 I remembered, with one being a pass, so 5/7!

-----

2020 resolutions/goals:
1) Finally move out of the desert
2) Invest 20% of my income every month
3) Reduce bills by 20%
4) Solve/address some health issues
5) Make a schedule so things regularly get done around the house, e.g. cleaning
6) Find some friends and make time for them
7) Replace Debian with something else
8) Revamp my backup system
9) Be proactive and stop waiting on people
10) Build a (stationary) coil gun for fun

For new or young devs

If you think you're like a 8/10 in a language........ you're probably a 2

#newdevs #behumble

8:50am aight alarm clock, give me 5 more minutes

8:55am ok lets round it to 9, wake me up then

9:00am aight enough. lets just sleep for 1 more minute since 9:00 is too round

9:43am fuck

9:44am ok its time to finally study for the upcoming college exam

9:45am nothing but a fresh day to start studying for college

9:46am eh i dont have a lot to study so I'll do it in 2pm, I'll code my project instead

2pm hold on 5 more minutes until i finish coding this feature and then I'll study

5pm where the fuck is this bug coming from

5:504pm goddamn i found it

6:36pm holy shit its already over 6pm, I'll study at night

7:42pm ok its night now, time to study but I'll do it when i fix all bugs

8:14pm ok bugs fixed, commit. lets study

8:15pm you know what, im way too tired and exhausted from this coding, I'll take a short 30 minute break and then I'll study

10:15pm ok im feeling fresh bois lets study now theres not too much

1:31am damn this movie was good

1:32am fuck i forgot to study, I'll do it tomorrow

2:10am *posts this rant*

how to make a feature request
1. dump Db table with 153 column to Excel
2. print!
3. circle column 47 on page 3, scribble feature description
4. scan! remember to use proprietary file format no one has
5. new e-mail, add "VERY URGENT!!!" to subject line
6. write "will call, discuss details monday"
6.a. attach proprietary-scanned-excel-dump-feature-description (optional)
7. postscript: deadline wednesday!!
8. wait for tuesday
9. send!
...

8 rules of freelancing which newbie should know:

Rule 1: never pick up a half done website.

Rule 2: never take a job where they want to "do things themselves". And don't work with fixed prices if you calculate your price on a best case scenario.

Rule 3: don't do content management

Rule 4: don't promise a sales target on their website.

Rule 5: start sending invoices every money and not just at the end of the project.

Rule 6: Put every website on your own webserver and don't release it untill it's paid.

Rule 7: Don't work for free.

Rule 8: Don't work for free.

Credit: Jhon Dear

Me trying to install a software :

1. Download the binary file
2. Error this file can't be executed
3. Download the source code
4. Compile
5. Error - instruction not supported by this OS
6. Create a new disk partition
7. Download ubuntu
8. Install ubuntu
9. Apt-get install
10. Error - package not readable by this version of ubuntu
11. Kill myself

1 fix my crappy sleep schedule.
2 organise my time better.
3 stop being a glutton.
4 earn a aws cert.
5 build a portfolio site.
6 build projects to go on portfolio site.
7 find a new job?
8 do some machine learning.
9 find love?
10 continue automating people out their job at their request.

I'm trying my best to like stackoverflow but it keeps pushing me back. My answer to questions ratio is around 8:2. Had a descent 900 reputation then some psychotic e-stalker comes and downvotes all my questions and answers and I'm only left with 700 reputation now. Why would anyone do this?

1) Using WordPress
2) Using WordPress
3) Using WordPress
4) Using WordPress
5) Using WordPress
6) U5ing WardPrrrs
7) U5ing WardPrars
8) U5ing WardPr3rs
9) U51ng WardPr35s
10) U҉5҉1n͢y͜ ͞W̷a͞rdPr3̷5͟5̛
11) O̧͘51͜n̨҉y ̶̀Ẁu͝rdPr͠3҉̵͠5̴͟5
12) U5͝1ny ͜Wa͠r͞dP̀r̀35҉5
13) U̕҉̷5̷͢͟͠͞1̴̵̕ǹ̨̢͟͢ỳ̨͜͡ ̕͜͢Ẁ̸̢̕à̢͜͞r̷͜͏̀͜d̨͜͏P͘͜r̛͞͠͠͏3̢̨̡̛́5̴̀5̧̕͏̶
14) U̵ͦ̇͌ͣ̓̈́̒͆̇ͨ͑͟5̴̽̾̓ͯ̔̎̓̔̀̚̕͜͜1̶̷̏͂̑͆ͪͤͥ̈́̔͛͌̅ͨ̚͜n̢ͯͫͬͩ̾̌̇̓͐̒̆͆̋͡ỳ̋̈͑̏̐͜͞ ̓̄͑ͦͬͣͬ͒̈́̍ͦ́ͭ͐̒̑͂͘W̆͋̃̓ͫ̌ͭͩ̾͊̔̋̚҉̀̕͡͠a̷̡̧ͦͦͩ́̈́̃̆̆ͨ̈̚ŗͫ͛̿͗̋̎ͮͫ͊͗ͪ̓̍ͨd̵̢ͦ̐̎̀ͮͫ͛̒̈͋ͫ͗̒̋͢͟P̷ͯͦ͒̒̌͆͡͞r̆ͭ̈́̀͂ͮ̓̂͑̆ͯ̾̀ͪ̋̄̚͟͞҉͞3̔͑̏̽̾̿͂̋̀͟͢5̴̂̈́͗̍ͩͦ̀̋̆ͣͨ̿͜͠5̸̴̶̧̏̂̽̈́̏̃ͫ̅͗̈̂̽̈ͣ̊
15) U̸̶͍̭͕̩̺͓̩̞̫̲̳̥̘̰̦̼͇ͧͫ̍̌̔̆̒ͪ͛̅͂̚̕͟5̷̹̱̜̫̞̮̲̬̲̱̻͙͊̋ͥ̊͜ͅ1͙͎̹͔̺̯̟̮̳̀͋͐̍̿̿̏͋̿̏͐̾́̓͑͋̃̈́͘͡͡͠͝n̴̆ͦ̽͡͝͝҉̫̰̗͓ỷ̴̸̦͕̻̩̖͓͚̟͆ͦ̓̍̇͊͆͊̏ͥͮ ̶̛̹͍̪̟̦͉̙͉̰͎̞̮̰̗͈̥͙ͮ̃ͧ͌ͪͥ͌ͨ̋̈́̚ͅW̩͙̮̯̪̳͖̙̘̰̍ͮͣ̋̇̒͐͋̀ͅa̶̸̷̮̜͈̟̳̺̣̪̻̼̻͍̺̹̽ͩ̿̈ͭ̈́ͩ́̅͌ͩ̈́̾̀́r̵̡͚̘̹̻̩̞ͦͨ̋ͣͣ̆͊̅̂̃̄͛̈́̒̒͒̾d̸̡͓̘̮̲̰̥̗̣̙̬̹̰ͩ́̈́ͥ̅̽ͫͯ̓͜͞P̧̹͉̬̠̻̮̫̼͉͖̯̙̞͎̲͙̖̉ͨ͐ͮ̀͞r̡̖̜̦̞̭̼͐̃ͬ̒̉̈͑͘3̷͇̖̹̱͍̯͈̣̼͔͉͉̜̣̱̉̎̈́̽ͧ̓ͥ͐͟ͅ5̮̩̗̣̣̤͇̲̟͇̒ͥ̂͗̒̆̕͜͝͞5̩̳̗̻̻̯̺̺̻̯̑͐̈ͤ̏̈́̾ͮͨ̀̃ͫ͋ͥ̾̚̕ͅ
REEEEE̸͢E̛͜E͜͡E҉EE̢EÉ͜҉E͠͡È̷̛̛͢E͏̸̨҉E̛҉E̴̷E̢ͪͩ̀̍̍ͦ͒ͪ̈̑̚̚̕͝Ę̴̒̀̐ͭ͞Ȇ̵ͪͫ̍͊̆ͦ̓͢҉Eͪ̈́͊̿ͦ̾͘E̸͒̅̐͆͋̏ͥ̑͒ͫ͋̈́͝͡E͆ͪͬ͘҉̕͞E̢̞̫͕̞̩͇̞̳̦͚͔̪ͭͭͭ̒̔̾͠͞E̡̡̲̤̼͙̥̦̎ͮ̑ͯ̏ͫ̽ͮ́͛̐͡E̷̴̡͙̜̫̠̞̯̗̽ͭͯ̓ͣ̾̐ͪ̚͡Ẻ̷̖͕̖̬͚̦̼͙̖̭̪̖͙̥̘͎ͥ̊ͤ̓̄̇̄̀̚͜E̸͉͍̟͈̺͚̲̦̯̭̬ͧ̈̐̌̇͌̐̀͘͞Ȇ̵̢̛̯̜̤̭͋̏ͣͤ́́E̶̢̩̯͕̱͔̱̙̻̼̬̝̳̹̞̰̹̾͛̒̉̈́̊͒̿̔̈ͦͦͅͅE̢̞̫͕̞̩͇̞̳̦͚͔̪ͭͭͭ̒̔̾͠͞E̡̡̲̤̼͙̥̦̎ͮ̑ͯ̏ͫ̽ͮ́͛̐͡E̷̴̡͙̜̫̠̞̯̗̽ͭͯ̓ͣ̾̐ͪ̚͡Ẻ̷̖͕̖̬͚̦̼͙̖̭̪̖͙̥̘͎ͥ̊ͤ̓̄̇̄̀̚͜E̸͉͍̟͈̺͚̲̦̯̭̬ͧ̈̐̌̇͌̐̀͘͞

List of benefits given by some random company to its developer,
1- Medical, Dental, AD&D
2- Generous paid time off and holidays
3- Free fitness center in our building
4- Flexible schedule
6- Mac or PC, your choice
7- We and our customer don't use IE
8- Starbucks on the 1st floor
9- Generous 401k match
...

But I like 7th one the most!

Half life 2 runs smoothly in a 12 year old PC with Nvidia 8500, 1 GB RAM, and a dual core.
A FPS with wavy water reflection, body physics and huge designed maps which is updates every fucking frame.

Today I can't run smoothly an IDE with 8 GB of RAM and 4 cores.
A program which only reacts to events stutters if I write at more than 3 letters per sec.

I wanna go back. Can we go back? Lets keep the new hardware and go back with the software pleeeease.

what i did today:

1. start a computer
2. start a xampp server
3. open text editor
4. open bug list
5. realize that i cant do a single thing.
6. steam game invitation shows up (i think it's ok just one game)
7. realize that i spent 10 fcking game
8. tried to fix the bug
9. i failed
10. i do another game
11. and it's time to go home
12. i feel guilty

How millionaires deal with laptops.

1. Buy a gaming laptop.
2. Install any OS.
3. Open IE11.
4. Place cursor in the new search bar in top right.
5. Type 4k wallpapers.
6. Download anything.
7. Open in MS Photos.
8. Right click, Set as > Wallpaper BG
9. Leave it in the corner.
10. Sell it at double 2 days later.

What fresh hell is this

.replaceAll("(//"?)([^//d]+)(//.?)([^//d]+)(//.?)([//d]{3})(//.?)([^/d]+)(//"?)","$1$2$3$4$5$6$7$8$9")

...who is fucking with me

*wrestling commentator voice*
"In this weeks episode of encoding hell:
The iiiinnnfamous UTF-8 Byte Order Mark veeeersus PHP!"

For an online shop we developed, there is currently a CSV upload feature in review by our client. Before we developed this feature, we created together with the client a very precise specification, including the file format and encoding (UTF-8).

After the first test day, the client informed us, that there were invalid characters after processing the uploaded file.
We checked the code and compared the customer's file with our template.
The file was encoded in ISO-8859-1 and NOT as specified UTF-8.
But what ever, we had to add an encoding check, thus allowing both encodings from now on.

Well well well welly welly fucking well...

Test day 2: We receive an email from said client, that the CSV is not working, again.
This time: UTF-8 encoding, but some fields had more colums with different values than specified.
Fucking hell.
We tell the customer that.
(I was about to write a nice death threat novel to them, but my boss held me back)

Testing day 3, today:
"The uploading feature is not working with our file, please fix it."
I tried to debug it, but only got misleading errors. After about 30 minutes, at 20 stacks of hatered, I finally had an idea to check the file in a hex editor:

God fucking what!?!!?!11?!1!!!?2!!

The encoding was valid UTF-8, all columns and fields were correct, but this time the file contained somthing different.
Something the world does not need.
Something nearly as wasteful as driving a monster truck in first gear from NYC to LA.

It was the UTF-8 Byte Order Mark.
3 bytes of pure hell.
Fucking 0xEFBBBF.
The archenemy of PHP and sane people.

If the devil had sex with the ethernet port of a rusty Mac OS X Server, then 9 microseconds later a UTF-8 BOM would have been born.

OK, maybe if PHP would actually cope with these bytes of death without crashing, that would be great.

#+BEGIN_QUOTE
What’s 5 plus 2?
7.
Correct.

What’s 5 plus 3?
8
Nope. It’s 10, because we turned 5 into 7, remember?
#+END_QUOTE

Today, for fun, I wrote prime number generation upto 1000 using pure single MySQL query.

No already created tables, no procedures, no variables. Just pure SQL using derived tables.

So does this mean that pure SQL statements do not have the halting problem?

Putting an EXPLAIN over the query I could see how MySQL guessed that the total number of calculations would be 1000*1000 even before executing the query in itself and this is amazing ♥️

I have attached a screenshot of the query and if you are curious, I have also left below the plain text.

PS this was a SQL problem in Hackerrank.

MySQL query:

select group_concat(primeNumber SEPARATOR '&') from
(select numberTable.number as primeNumber from

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as number from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by number) numberTable

inner join

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as divisor from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by divisor) divisorTable

on (divisorTable.divisor<=numberTable.number and divisorTable.divisor!=1)
where numberTable.number%divisorTable.divisor=0
group by numberTable.number having count(*)<=1 order by numberTable.number) resultTable;

My life in a nutshell.

I've been stuck in this timeless loop for 10 years, anyone that relates?

1. Set alarm before going to bed.
2. Alarm rings, I turn it off.
3. Wakes up late.
4. Work from 08 AM to 4 PM.
5. Take the train back home
6. Plan what to do for the rest of the day.
7. Come home, do everything except what was initially planned.
8. Watching time goes by while doing non-productive things.
9. I feel alone, watch porn to fill this void.
10. I get depressed and unhappy afterward
11. Set the alarm for the next day.
12. Repeat.

My Typical Project

1. Identify common problem
2. Investigate options
3. Come up with clever solution
4. Implement backend solution
5. Get fed up with current frontend
6. Investigate other frontend
7. Realize perpetual chaos in Javascript landscape
8. Lie down in a corner
9. Cry myself to sleep

Made a program to list primes until stopped. I got to about 2 billion when it took 8 GB of RAM and I more or less had to stopped it.

Only took 10% of CPU though.

PM: Can you give me an estimate for this clearly simple task?
Dev: Agreed, it is a simple task. 10 hours.
PM: ??
Dev: 2 hours to implement, 8 hours to discover the GOD FOR SAKEN ISSUE THAT ALWAYS COMES UP ON THESE SEEMINGLY SIMPLE TASKS!! WTF!!! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN EVERY TIME????

So the company I work for had a critical project they needed done in 8 days.
We told our boss it wasn't possible because of the scope of the project but he went on with motivational speeches about how anything is possible. So he hired 12 devs for 8 days.
The scope of the project is already big enough but everyday upper management either add 10 new features, modify 2, or delete some already.
We basically sleep 2 hours a day and today is the last day. 5 minutes ago we just had a meeting that we're supposed to change a core feature. We don't even have a stable system yet and everyone is fucking pissed.

Windows:
32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

What Keeps u awake all night
(When u have to complete a project overnight)
1. Cigarette?
2.Weed?
3. Coffee?
4. Tea?
5. Redbull?
6. Beer?
7. Glucose? (As in my case 😛)
8. Anything else?

0. Problem
1. Thinking of an algo
2. Writing a code
3. Compile
4. Compile Error
5. Fixing bugs
...
6. Finally compiled!!
7. Running a test
8. Run time error
9. Fixing bugs
...
10. Finally I can see the result !!!!
11. Shit!

12. LOGICAL ERROR :/

Porting of a huge web application from ZF1 to Laravel 5.5.

In summary:
1. approx. 200,000 lines of spaghetti code (ZF1)
2. approx. 2500 custom Javascript files
3. approx. 600 CSS files
4. hundreds of node modules and libraries
5. 12 different layouts (Home, Member, Admin,...)
6. ...
7. ...
8. ...
...

I've got six days to get this done. God help me.

There we go! 16 GB RAM is actually smoother than 8 GB! Who knew 🤷 (Nuxt build only takes 5 seconsd instead of 2 minutes)

Wow, the new React app looks so amazing. Lets test is on different browsers.
Chrome ✓
Firefox ✓
Opera ✓
... ✓
IE 11 ...
1. I am on Mac
2. Let's install virtual box
3. Let's install Windows 7 in virtual box
4. Open IE8
5. Open IE11 download page.
6. IE8 crashes
7. Download and install Google chrome using IE
8. Restart Windows
9. Open staging url on IE11
10. **cking blank screen welcomes you.

1. Put headphones
2. Put videogame OST (Chrono Trigger is the best)
3. Start Atom
4. Sacrifice a male virgin to my Code Muse to replenish her mana stock
5. Jerk off seeing a fat granny midget porn
6. Clorophorm and put my coworker to sleep so he doesn't interrupt me to show the FailArm best fails of 2016
7. Atom is still loading, so I curse all the GitHub fuckers
8. Give up and start my emulator to play Chrono Trigger
9. Receive a pull request and realise I need to work and be a productive member of society
10. Goto 1

Windows 7, Windows 8, Windows 10

Now,

Angular 1, Angular 2, Angular 4

Technology never stops to amaze me.

I bought hdmi stick with nes emulator, connected it to power using usb on my tv directly no power adapter needed - only cable, it has 2 remote pads powered by batteries, all fits into my pocket and it has removable sdcard that I can connect to my computer and upload games.
I can go to someone’s house, bring up this little fella and we can play games together. It only took 40 years to do it.

Damn I remember playing, mario, contra or micro machines as a kid.

Spent 8+ hours playing great old games already lol.

I just need portable 60 inch tv screen or projection screen and battery that would power it for at least 8 hours and fit to my pocket and my life is complete.

Imagine you go to the bar, sit, grab a beer and play mario with random people all night.

Me: *gives 8 story points*
PO: Why is it 8 points? this is just copy-pasting and should not take more than 2 hours.

Scrum Master: Let's estimate the task. Chose your estimations individually, then we will reveal at the same time and discuss
- variety of votes, ranging from 1 to 8
Product Owner: I don't agree, this should be a 1 or 2.
Dev Team Lead: Agreed, this is why I chose 2. Let's vote again.
- All votes now are 1s or 2s

Good fucking job 🤨

Back in my sysadmin days we had an IT zoo to look after. And I mean it... Linux side was allright, but unix.... Most unices were no longer supported. Some of their vendors' companies were already long gone.

There was a distant corner in our estate known to like 2 people only, both have left the company long ago. And one server in that corner went down. It took 2 days to find any info about the device. And connecting to it looked like:

1 ssh to a jumpbox #1
2 ssh to a jumpbox #2
3 ssh to a dmz jumpbox
4 ssh to an aix workload
5 fire up a vnc server
6 open up a vnc client on my workstation, connect to than vnc server [forgot to mention, all ssh connections had to forward a vnc port to my pc]
7 in vnc viewer, open up a terminal
8 ssh to hp-uxes' jumpbox
9 ssh to the problematic hp-ux

.....

The DE life cycle of every Linux hobbyist:

1. Let's work with Unity.... it's so blah
2. Let's check out XFCE.... it does its job, but it needs more zing
3. Let's check out KDE...aah, my poor battery.
4. Let's check out LXDE.... Can you be any more boring?
5. Let's check out Pantheon.... This is perfect, but I'm tired of using a tweak tool to even enable minimize and maximize
6. Let's go to Gnome 3...Ah never mind
7. Let's go to Cinnamon... Blurgh, It reminds me of Windows
8. Let's go to MATE....Hmm, Mutiny layout?!! It reminds me of Unity. Wonder if Unity 8 has made any progress!
9. Go back to Step 1.

>>>> Followed link to a post
* Do you Accept Cookies?: Yes
* Our customer supports online: Okay, I know
* Subscribe to Newsletters?: Click Click Accept
* Website wants to turn on Notification?: Okay
* Seen Our New Product?: No, not today
* We require you to be over 18?: Yes, I am
* We value your privacy?: I Agree
* Looks like you're using ad-Blocker?: Turn Off
* Don't forget to follow us on...: Okay!!! I get it already, just show me the f*cking post!
* What next
***** 1 million ads appear around a single post broken to bits having (1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 next>>) *****
Just wondering who invented this money making strategy.

Am I the only one who thinks that 6 10 12 14 are even odd numbers and 2 4 8 16 are even even numbers?

Waiting for the perfect browser :

1. It's not Safari or IE and without their shitty problems.

2. It's not a RAM gobbler like Chrome. But has its minimal UI.

3. Has Chrome like dev tools or Firebug and nothing less than those.

4. Does not have ads.

5. Cross platform. On both desktop and mobile.

6. Web extensions only

7. Everyone loves it. Even fanboys who swear by Safari

8. Blocks annoying pop ups on some sites.

You're open to contribute more points!

I started saying 'yes' to every opportunity in life. Long story short, I have 3 websites, 2 logos, a couple of leaflets and 2 non-profit websites due yesterday. Whiskey with cereal never tasted better at 8 AM!

I am being asked to support Internet Explorer 8 on this project I am wrapping up. The front-end has been developed using AngularJS 2.

1. get a job interview in google
2. design a kitchen
3. ???????
4. the kitchen is for a giraffe
5.?!?!?!!?
6. new kitchen
7. a baby giraffe
8.??!?!?!??!??!??!??!??!??!??!?!?
9. we will call you
10. __time passes__
11. no call
12.X_X

story points that equate to hours.
1 = 1 hour
2 = 1-2 hours
3 = 3-4 hours
5 = 6-8 hours
8 = Kill. Me.
13 = Now.

1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!

2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.

3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"

4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee

5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro

Method 1:
1. Read others' people answers on wk70
2. Apply
3. ???
4. Profit
Method 2:
1. cd <ProjectName>
2. git init
3. dotnet new sln
4. dotnet new console #or webapi/lib
5. code .
6. git commit -m "Initial commit"
7. git remote add origin <github link>
8. git push origin master -u
9. profit

Just finished our BIG update including a big change in the backend (PHP => NODEJS). So I hope our users will enjoy this one because we are not yet public and our competitor get a lot of clients each day but if we compare our product to their product: Ours is responsive as fucked and have much more stability but less fonctionnalities so we have to add more fonctionnalities before releasing our product to the public. I hope we will be able in a few weeks! With only me and my back-end dev (My employee and friend at the same time) to work on it and they have 2 more devs to their team to use Bubble.. (They are now 6 or 8 devs (wannabes and using a drag and drop website) in total vs 2 (us) real programmers).

A well deserved night of sleep :P

Summer is coming, and i suppose all of you will buy a new barbecue to cook some meat, but i have another economic alternative.

How to make a homemade bbq:

1) Take an old laptop
2) Turn it on
3) Install Android studio (also works with intellij)
4) Add a lot of gradle (or maven) depencies
5) Code something cool (or not)
6) Build and compile it
7) Now you can put your meat on your laptop
8) Enjoy your meal

So I’m having an argument with my gf.

Is it “Why is 6 afraid of 7?” or “Why is 10 afraid of 7?”

I fucking said that 6 has not seen the action of 7 eating 9. But 10 has, therefore he is scared.

If we were to iterate from 0 to 10, we would see that 6 hasn’t seen shit.

Let’s print out each number if we iterate through and find a consecutive 7, 8 and 9 then print out “Oh shit 7 ate 9.”

0
1
2
3
4
5
6 // Hey honey I don’t see anything here??
7
8
9
Oh shit 7 ate 9
10 // Someone call the fucking police

Thoughts?

1)Get Project/idea
2)Look for the most suitable tech
3)Draw out all the functionality
4)Break into milestones
5)git init
6) git commit
7) Start
8) Test
9) Complete
10) Feel like a King

Hydrogen gas is fun. Really fun :D

Me and my brother were really bored earlier today. So what do two dudes, 14 and 17 do on a warm spring day?

1. Go to store.
2. Buy drain cleaner, aluminum foil, balloons and a big drink in a glass bottle.
3. Drink the drink.
4. Shred aluminum in a document shredder.
5. Mix alu, drain cleaner and water in the bottle.
6. Quickly put a balloon over the bottle opening.
7. Wait.
8. Get a lighter and blow that shit up! 🔥
9. Repeat until you run out of balloons.
10. Don't kill yourself doing this.

Dev manager: Php 8 is around the corner and i'd like to move the project to it
Dev: this would be a huge change I don't think you understand what you're asking...
Manager: Yes I understand, we'll plan 2-3weeks for the migration
Dev: the app is under symfony2.4, what you're asking is completly off the mark
Manager: look we'll plan it and we'll see don't be pessimist
Dev: ok whatever

I left the company, good luck to my fellow dev

I am beyond speechless. My Bank forces me to use a password that consists of EXACTLY 8 characters, and at least one small character, one big and one number. Oh, and it should not be identical to the last 5 passwords.

What's the best part about this?
THEY HAVE A FUCKING METER TO MEASURE YOUR PASSWORD STRENGTH. FUCKING HYPOCRITES!

Not even a 2 factor makes via sms can make me feel save when you have such a big pile of shit behind it

Gave in 2 months notice to my office. Situation in nutshell:

me: Im leaving in 8 weeks guys.
manager: ok
me: hey landlord im leaving in 8 weeks
landlord:ok
manager: can u leave in 4 weeks?
me: ok I can leave in 4 weeks.
landlord: ok
manager: hey we are not sure maybe we can keep u for 8 weeks. we will let you know.
me: DECIDE FOR FUCKS SAKE, MY DEPOSIT IS ON THE LINE AND I AM UNABLE TO PLAN ANYTHING SADDSAKO;;LSADKLDSK;ADSFDSFSDFDSFSFSDFDSFDSDFSFDSFDSFDSADASKLDSAKDSS

1. attach a debugger
2. create a set of breakpoints
3. perform an action in the UI
4. breakpoint is hit. F9 to jump to another breakpoint
5.
...
.......
...........
................
....................
nothing............
even more of nothing.....
......................................................
6. Kill the app. Restart. Repeat. Nothing again. Repeat it all ~5 times. Give up.
7. Go get some tea.
8. Come back with a cup of hot tea
9. the _next_ breakpoint is now hit (º . º)
10. F9 - yet another breakpoint is hit.

11. contemplate your own mental state, considering the #6

Why 95%+ devs are bad ???

Just did a recruitement for a post opf Principal Engeneer with possibuility to be CTO.

375 candidats at first interview.

Only 8 remaining for second phase

Our of 8, only 3 managed to complete a small code test.

Outr of 3, one asked for (I shit you not) 700k$ salary (lolz).

Out of 2 remaining, 1 just decided "I did for lolz to see if I get an offer so I can boost my current work salary",

Leaving us with only 1 candidate...

So fucking time consuming.....

If we compare this list with last year’s list, nothing much has changed. The top three worst passwords of last year were ‘123456’, ‘password’, and ‘123456789’. Source : Splashdata

Top 10 worst passwords in 2019 below:

1. 123456
2. 123456789
3. qwerty
4. password
5. 1234567
6. 12345678
7. 12345
8. iloveyou
9. 111111
10. 123123

Cs101 - a 3 hour Friday morning lecture. 1st at uni doing computer science. Half asleep. I'm awoken by the professor

"You at the back - what's the answer!"

Alarmed but not too bothered I just say "I don't know"

He replies "yes you do! We just went over it"

I say I really don't know. Someone behind me says "64". So I say "64".

Professor sighs and says "no - 2 to the power 8 is 256!"

He never liked me after that.

Just found this in our code:

UINT8 variableName = 500;

Any developer who is getting paid should know the largest value an unsigned 8 bit integer can hold

Was just thinking of building a command line tool's to ease development of some of my games assets (Just packing them all together) and seeing as I want to use gamemaker studio 2 thought that my obsession with JSON would be perfect for use with it's ds_map functions so lets start understanding the backend of these functions to tie them with my CL tool...

*See's ds_map_secure_save*

Oh this might be helpful, easily save a data structure with decent encryption...

*Looks at saved output and starts noticing some patterns*

Hmm, this looks kinda familiar... Hmmm using UTF-8, always ends with =, seems to always have 8 random numbers at the start.. almost like padding... Wait... this is just base64!

Now yoyogames, I understand encryption can be hard but calling base64 'secure' is like me flopping my knob on the table and calling it a subtle flirt...

1. high severity production incident was asked to look into at the end of the day.
2. needed fix in ui.
3. fixed and deployed in 1 hour.
4. issue remained. debugging began.
5. gave up at 1 AM and went to sleep.
6. woke up at 6 and after debugging for 2 hours, identified to be a back end issue.
7. worked with back end team for the fix, and 6 hours and 3 deployments later, it worked.
8. third party vendor reported they are still not receiving one parameter from us.
9. back end team realised they forgot to ask ui to send another parameter.
10. added the parameter in ui, redeployed ui.
11. build and deployment tool broke down. got it fixed. delay of 1.5 hours.
12. finally things are in place. total time 26 hours.

13. found half bottle of vodka, leftover from last weekend. *Priceless*

Things to do in today

1. Go to post office
2. Send post
3. Go to CVS
4. Buy drink
5. Go to movie theater
6. Watch movie
7. Come back
8. Go to phone store
9. Buy something
10. Go to supermarket
11. Buy supplies
12. Go to McDonald's
13. Use coupon valid til today
14. Run back home befor parents come
15. Act normal

I had a week off at Christmas, didn't do any coding and barely touched my computer for 10 days. By Jan 6th I was still getting 7-8 hours sleep every night. "This is great", I thought, " I think I'm going to take at least a month off coding at home". Halfway through Season 2 of Brooklyn Nine Nine, my brain goes, "Why don't you learn some security stuff and join HackThisSite?" And that was the end of early nights.

Teaching JavaScript to a master of classical programming (only uses C++, Python, Ruby, etc.). Here are the results:

1. What
2. What the fuck
3. Why
4. Why the fuck
5. Oh shit that's useful
6. Oh shit that's stupid
7. Why would anyone do that
8. Why isn't anyone else doing that
9. This is crazy complex
10. This is stupid easy

Working from home routine (Lockdown edition):
1. Wakeup at 8am
2. Meeting at 8:30am
3. Next 3 hours just focus on coding
4. Push code to source control
5. Focus on myself

A Visual Studio solution that had 62 (SIXTY TWO) projects for a webpage that was like 8 user forms total was like going to a shop to buy 3 items and receiving 15 tickets for that.
PMs saying no to refactoring due to not having enough time for a months. The first task took me 2 days just by fixing cyclic dependencies among the libraries. Went home and merged all the projects to just 3, building instantly in just two hours. Fuck idiot PMs that do not know how to code, buys shit and don't listen to devs. Fuck all idiots.

1. Visit the official site.
2. Browse for official tools.
3. Check the official documentation.
4. Check the Internet for other non-audiovisual sources.
5. Try making a simple application.
6. Run out of application ideas.
7. Move on to the next shiny dev technology.
8. Go to step #1.

When an estimated 2 point ticket turns into an 8, arghghghhgh

Had to talk to another team to change 1 value in a database I didn't have access to. It should have taken 2 minutes but instead took them two hours. This was before they went on a public rant in front of the CTO and CEO telling my team how we need to re-architect everything we've done in the past 8 months because it didn't meet their personal standards.

I have never even met these people prior and all I needed was 1 fucking value changed. Somehow my company thinks this is culturally acceptable.

Tools i use on windows to make life better, what do u use ?
I use :-
1. processhacker
2. conemu with gitbash(if longer time switch to fish)
3. Services+ from codeplex
4. pickpick for screenshots
5. windows default workspaces(they are pretty decent now)
6. bandizip
7. onecommander
8. from developer settings i turn on show file extensions
9. ditto for clipboard

The debugging loop for Minecraft Spigot plugins on a 4GB RAM laptop:
1. Start Eclipse - 1'
2. Edit code.
3. Build plugins - 2'
4. Close Eclipse to make RAM room for Minecraft.
5. Upload plugins to server with FTP - 1'
6. Start server and launch Minecraft - 2'
7. Enter the server.
8. Find bugs.
9. Stop the server, close Minecraft.
[Go back to 1.]

Best: Created my own company and have had 8 clients in 2017. Devrant has allowed me to find a community of fellow geeks. I've used github way more in 2017 than any past year.

Worst: Have had at least 2 ex-clients but I've lived and learned from them. I go on Devrant way more than I should.

Just finished a project that was estimated to be 8 weeks long with 2 devs. I was given the project 2 weeks ago with no one else to work with. It's going to a few hundred thousand users tomorrow.

Still underpaid and stressing over rent.

Definitely still not getting that salary adjustment...

Fuck this shit. 😐

Going through the list of projects:

Nope...

Absolutely nope ...

Burn it Nope.

Nononono.

Don't touch this.

It's so fluffy, I will die.

Wow. If this was a fungus, it could talk by now.

What the hell was that...?

Uh. Ehm. So old it's already done. Oopsie.

...

2 hours later...

...

Well. Backlog is sorted.

Conclusion: I just don't work anymore.

-.

I think it's time to add a field "pain level" to Jira.

And I doubt that the backlog contains any ticket less than pain level 8 / 10. -.-

But yey. I ordered beer.

$whiteWalkers = 0;
$text = 'HOLD THE DOOR';
$textLength = strlen($text);
$maxChars = 13;

while {
echo substr_replace($text, '' $maxChars/2, $textLength-$maxChars);
} do ($whiteWalkers < 8);

echo 'Hodor...':

Poor Hodor 😢

+2, +4, +8, +16, +32, +64, +128...

Hehe... That's so cool. (:

Its 1:30am (South Africa) just had my 8 drive raid 50 fail on one of our main servers after 3 sudden drive failures at the same time after lightning struck our network and blew 2 Cisco 48 port switches...

Its gonna be a longgg fucking night.

I added some boards to this fucking Beowolf of a fucking Raspberry Pi!

Pi with 4GB RAM, 2TB SSD, 8 USB ports, 2 Ethernet ports, and a sense hat.

Gonna put this between my modem and router and see what fun I can get up to.

Would like to build a web portal that tracks my family's data usage with the tcpdump to graph approach, and probably a little weather widget to go with it using the sense hat.

NO. NO. A THOUSAND TIMES: NO.

I clicked on this out of genuine curiosity to see if someone was finally trying to discourage people from annoying the shit out of website visitors. A summary of the suggestions in their article as to what to use popups for:

1. Announce new products/services, features, policy updates, new blog posts
2. Promote your sales or coupons (including countdowns)
3. Encourage people to input their e-mail address / subscribe, perhaps also offering some vague thing they will get as a reward for doing so
4. Contact forms (e.g. support etc.)
5. Prompt visitors to confirm their age before showing content
6. Login/register forms
7. Display social media "share" buttons when a visitor has scrolled a certain way through the page content.
8. Display cookie consent prompt.
9. Help guide visitors to the part of the website they want to go to.

Of these: 1, 2, 3, and 7 need to die for sure. If a website does any of these things I'm inclined to immediately leave and never return. 8 is a little annoying but seems a necessity.

Someone even replied to the Tweet saying that popups are annoying, the company responded with "let's change that!"

Blank portions of the screenshot are to avoid promoting the company unintentionally as a result of the rant ;)

My small collection

2 DD 8" floppy disks
2 MD 2-D 5" 1/4 floppy disks
2 HD 3" 1/2 floppy disks
1 Jaz disk
1 unassembled 3" 1/2 floppy disk
1 PalmOne sticker to learn the letters of Graffiti 2 (I had a M100, but I do not anything related to it anymore.)

Remember the post about bruce's constant?(4.5099806905005)

Well apparently theres a convergent series for it found all the way back in 2015.

Apparently its an actual thing. Which connects e to the square root of this series.

And it converges on (bruce-1)**0.5.
I confirmed it myself.

The two people who found the series that converges are N. J. A. Sloane and Hiroaki Yamanouchi

Thank you Sloane and Hiroaki!

The actual formula is a series of embedded square roots with the repeating numbers 1,4,2,8,5,7
like so...
sqrt(1+sqrt(4+sqrt(2+sqrt(8+sqrt...

What this means is you can find e using this series.

All you do is run the series, raise by a power of 2, add 1, calculate J and K like so

J = log(2, 1.333333333333333) / log(2, 2)
K = log(2, 1.333333333333333) / log(2, 3)

then calculate (J+K)-(bruce-1)
and out pops our buddy e:
2.7182818284591317

I guess I bullshitted myself for so long, that I didn't believe people like scor when they said they legit witnessed by math skills grow.

Or maybe a blind squirrel occasionally DOES find a nut.

Pretty cool find either way.

Dear Lord.

I've got an exam today. I remembered ot was at 9 am so I arrived at university at 8 am.

It turns out it is at 2 pm.

Am I the only one, who likes to hate the tester for sending back your code, when I should be greatful for him/her for finding bugs?
Replies from me by the amount I get my ticket back:
1: okay, sure, thanks
2: all right
3: oh, okay
4: what? still not okay?
5: how did you even catch that?
6: what the fu** is wrong with you?
7: you again???
8: die already!
9: <singing the frozen theme> Let it go, let it go!

I'm absolutely fed up with all documentation being tutorial-based these days! Well written documentation doesn't start with you creating a new project from scratch.

This is basically how all of Microsoft's documentation starts: Step 1 - Open Visual Studio. Step 2 - Create a new project...

I just checked out their WPF samples repository, and about 8 of the projects won't even compile. Absolutely ridiculous. There's 205 projects in the repository, and of course the one I need is on the list of those that won't compile.

Client asked for time line for website I told them 6 weeks from moment they provide design (I had other active projects and would have to split time between them ) . For next 4 weeks they would send me design and then after few hours tell me to stop working and that they are going to change design.
After 4 weeks they sent me final version of the design and informed me that it needs to be done in next 2 weeks. We expected 10 more websites from them and it was 7-8 pages so I put other projects on hold and finished it in around week and sent link to them for review, 2 days before deadline they informed me that there are around 20 pages missing pages that are not in final version of design but only in version xx sent more than 2 weeks ago. In next day and half me and 2 other developers had more then 20 hours each to finish it on time

seen on hacker news:

"I have applied to 600 software dev jobs in 2/3 months and have had around 8 interviews but still no dice.
reply"

jesus i'm going to give up now. i'd rather be homeless than mindlessly wasting my time

!rant

My laptop is 8 years old this year. She’s still going strong but her Core 2 Duo is starting to show. I need a new dev laptop so I can put all my cool dev stickers on. Sponsorships? 😬

Typical code life?

1. Write rough comments
2. Write more detailed comments
3. Write pseudo code
4. Write semi-working but definitely ugly code
5. Write working but very ugly code
6. Refactor the code to be nicer, check for patterns, bottlenecks and other bits and pieces
7. Push to git the "final" code
8. After few months blame whoever wrote the code
9. Refactor all the things!

---

This happened in my career more than once and still - it seems like the best option out there to get things done. What do you guys think? Should something be added/removed from this? Is this over-complicated or what?

I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts though the Javascript and the whole frontend.

Is anyone looking for a Ruby Developer with 2 years of experience with Ruby, 2 years with pure SQL databases and half year with React?

I don't want to see only Javascript for 8 hours per day for the rest of my life.

Unreal Engine SDLC:
1. Start Epic
2. Wait
3. Start Unity
4. Wait
5. Open Project
6. Wait
7. Wait more
8. a bit longer...
9. (it usually crashes here, or freezes, in which case go to 1)
10. Game opened, make modifications in C++ codes
11. Wait VS to load
12. Wait VS to parse all the file in solution
13. Make changes
14. Compile
15. Run from Unreal
16. (sometimes, go to 9)
17. Goto 9
18. 9
19. Goto 9
20. Congrats on finishing the game, and losing your patience

!rant

Certainly considering handing in my notice soon.

1. Paid minimum wage with no prospect of a raise
2. Spending £200 a month on travel
3. Traveling for almost 4 hours (70 miles) a day on bus and train
4. Promised training but nothing produced for 8 months
5. Expected to now pay for further travel
6. Not taken seriously...

Yep, need a new job in the Birmingham, UK area

...programming class at school. First of all, we have to fucking write that shit on paper. >.<

Then, my neighbor just copied my code, but Karma reks him, because the teacher asked him to explain why he used what he wrote. He couldn't explain anything. Just so you folks know why I'm ranting about my neighbor:

You were supposed to output this using a for loop (lets take 10 as an example):
"10 * 2 = 20
20 * 3 = 60
...
720 / 8 = 90
90 / 9 = 10"

He couldn't do it, even though we learned how to do it before and he said he understood it.

Short story of a developer

0) Don't know how to do something
1) Search for hours on internet
2) Find only crappy codes
3) Try a crappy code
4) Realize that it works only for who created the code (What the hell...)
5) Cry
6) Ask on forums
7) Get downvote without any reason
8) Receive useless answer
9) Delete project

Quick Tutorial: How to find a missing bug.

0) Wake up & have breakfast
1) Goto work
2) Do your job until the end of the working day
3) Make a backup
4) Shutdown your PC
5) Stand up
6) Go to the office door
7) Grab the door
8) Now the phone rings
9) Turn and go back
10) Take the phone
11) Now you get the bug report

This is a well approved method.
It always works!

!rant

Super awesome day today.

1. Got up early to do a risky production deploy and it worked!
2. Three PRs approved before lunch.
3. Got some time to continue learning scala.
4. Coffee and cupcakes with some refugees and discussed work as a software engineer.
5. Tried virtual reality for the first time. Really fun.
6. Helped prepare our goals for this quarter and present them to the department.
7. Department meeting had free local craft beer and pretzels.
8. Went bouldering after work and flashed a 6c.
9. Curled up with my wife watching Netflix.

I really love my life sometimes.

So I log into a great new site with my development machine. 64G of RAM, and 2 hex core CPU's; GTX 1070 video, SSD, etc. 4K display screen. (Motherboard is 5 years old, not trying to brag, just give context). I regularly put 8 pages of text on the screen side by side. Split ergonomic keyboard.

It wants me to load a mobile app for "full access".

Yea, why look at the world with wide open eyes when you can view everything through a cardboard toilet paper tube and type with your thumbs???

== John ==

Step 1: Become a freelancer
Step 2: Enjoy working
Step 3: Get annoyed by doing all the backoffce
Step 4: Get hired instead
Step 5: Work hard
Step 6: Boss notices your talent
Step 7: Boss founds startup with you
Step 8: Repeat Step2 until you have to repeat Step4

This bus driver really has to stop wasting my fucking time. He was 8 minutes late in the first place (this line is NEVER late) and then he took a 10 minute detour which means I'll be 2 trains late for work. Fucking great start on the week!

1. Go to my setup
2. Lights off
3. Lamp on
4. Door closed
5. Headphones on
6. Run zone.bat or zone.sh depending (yes, I have a script - it puts on music, at wherever I am in the album, changes sound & display settings, and a few other things.
7. Set breaktime alarm (I forget otherwise)
8. Code
9. When breaktime alarm goes off:
9a. Get a ginger beer and since biscuits
9b. Eat
9c. Repeat from 7

So two guys at the company I work for just quitted, We were 4 in the "dev" department, 2 front end and 2 back end, now we're just 1 front and 1 back, should I try to get a raise?? I've been working steady for 8 months now.

So, I finally got a bicycle today. Time to start working on my health...

Am I the only one who's daily regime was:
1 - Go to work, sit around for 8 to 9 hours
2 - Come home, sit around for 8 to 9 hours
3 - Sleep for 8 hours
Goto 1?

I was surprised how the bikes these days are so incredibly light. I could lift it and keep it up no problem!

Kay! Why people think remote job is less then a onsite job? Excuse me? I also work remotely. Okay I get it that onsite you have to go onsite through bus or blah blah , but your hours are not counting by a tracker and not getting SS every 2 min. My family doesn't understand that I have to be on my laptop for at least 7-8 hours.

Their reaction is :" why the food is not ready?"
" I am doing work"
"So what? You are home!"

And WHY LARAVEL COMPOSER UPDATE IS SO DAMN SLOW

"Think 8 hours, work 2 hours." - Mirko Ilic

What the absolute hell is going on with Python 3 releases?? Can anyone explain this

Python 3.5.9 - Nov. 2, 2019
Python 3.5.8 - Oct. 29, 2019
Python 3.7.5 - Oct. 15, 2019
Python 3.8.0 - Oct. 14, 2019
Python 3.7.4 - July 8, 2019
Python 3.6.9 - July 2, 2019
Python 3.4.10 - March 18, 2019
Python 3.5.7 - March 18, 2019

Friday bug day. 8 hours... 2 lines of code.

2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, 1024

This is a message to all “yes man” developers:

Yeah… we just got in that the client has new requirements for you to complete by EOD:

1. Go to the gas station
2. Buy two gallons of gasoline
3. Order two 2 ft long dildos online
4. Go to the center of your town
5. Scream “fuck me corporate daddy, I’ll do anything for you” 100 times
6. Shove one dildo into ur ass and one in your mouth
7. Pour gasoline all over yourself
8. Light yourself on fire
9. Contemplate what little self respect you have for yourself and the rest of the world…

I've used a Mac for 2 months and already love it. I've been a Windows user for like 10+ years but holy fuck, Windows is a giant pile of flaming fucking trash. Looking back, I don't even know why I continued to use it after the launch of that absolutely abysmal "OS" they called Windows 8.

My company is 8 days late to pay my salary.

The government (uae) recommended a 4.5 work week and my company hinted they wont abide by it

My company promised us bonuses and shares a year ago that we still didnt get

Altho we have been working remotely for 2 years due to covid, they are also trying to enforce going to the office...

Everything about the company is way too toxic

I want to leave ...

but all my applications get ghosted so i feel like a slave, its like i need this company otherwise im jobless. I haye this

I love listening to music while coding, mainly metal/rock/classical

Comment with 10 tracks from your playlist .... Here are my 10

0. Disturbed - stricken
1. Tremonti - decay
2. Black label society - bored to tears
3. Ac/dc - back in black
4. Rolling Stones - paint it black
5. Gary Moore- still got the blues
6. Carcass - blind bleeding the blind
7. Alter bridge - metalingus
8. Fear factory - linch pin
9. Pantera - 5 minutes alone

I have roughly 10 forks on my Github profile, 2 of which are actual intended forks

The other 8 you ask? Created from accidentally clicking the 'edit' button in other people's repos. Why the fuck is there no confirmation button.

Deleting them also takes 2 minutes that I usually don't want to spend

I want honest opinions. Do you think the following is a good or not so good interview question. Why or why not? Defend your argument.

Define a function where the input is a list of integers. It should find and return all the unique sets of three within the list that sum to x.

For example, given the list [1, 3, 2, 5, 6, 8, 10, 13, 15] and with x = 16, the function would return [(10,5,1), (13,2,1)]

If the candidate presents the trivial solution with time complexity of o(n^3), ask if can be done in o(n^2) or better.

Trying to get some information about a product:
1. Opening the manufacturers webpage, gets a crawler protection page presented, 30 kB
2. The actual website opens, 600 kB + an endless amount of javaScript.
3. Tries to download a PDF, a extra download page is opened, another 600 kB and even more JS.
4 Download the Download a PDF, 3 MB
5. Read the information in that PDF which would fit into 8 kB.

I have been a developer for a few years and I think I know my shit. Fullstack. I took 2 interview tests recently and received rejections that have completely killed my confidence. I don't want to apply to any new jobs because I am terrified after all these years, I am not as good as I think I am. I have been a dev for about 8 years now when will I be badass 😭

upgrading to win 10. first 90% was quick. the latest 8 % took 2 hours... only 2% left (and 5 more computers to do this on). this sucks!

Most hours of work at once?
A coworker and I did an allnighter because our boss gave us a tight fucking deadline (luckily that almost never happens).
We started normal work at 06:30 and were finisted at 09:30 the next day. Summed up break time: 1h 15m.
I remember that my coworker went home after that but fell asleep in the train and woke up 2 hours later half across the country. Poor soul.
When he left, my boss just arrived in the office and I had to stay 2 hours longer to fix bugs we implemented during our caffeine overdose...

It later turned out that the whole mess was useless, because the client put the project on hold. That was about 8 months ago, or 12, I don't even remember.

Friend : Bro, give me the game you were playing yesterday.

( Witcher 3)

Me : OK, tell me your system specs.
He: 1 TB hard drive and 8 GB ram.

Me : GPU?
He : 2 GB Nvidia.
Me: Model?

He: Don't know something like 740m ( M you heard that right)

Me : Won't work. GPU is not powerful enough.
He: You don't know anything, it will work. You also play on same GPU with 2 GB.

Me: -.- ( I had gtx 770)

!dev
Deutsch Bahn, again: A delay of 8 minutes (the DB officially recognizes this as late) results to an impossible to reach connecting train leading to a total delay of ca. 2 hours, as I cannot use the Inter City train anymore, but have to use a "Regional Express" instead.

Out of 5 times travelling this route, I arrived 2 times 2 hours later.

That #facepalm moment when the person you are interviewing has 2 years of experience, rates himself 8/10 in JAVA and doesn't know the difference between abstract class and interface!

Upscaling a prod database which was running on an 8 year old Dell desktop used as server. It had about 2MB of RAM and an Intel Core 2 processor...

This was the day I've learned a lot about querying the database as efficient as humanly possible.

once upon a time I went on vacation.

It was for 5 days and I went to Leh-Ladakh with my family. (Me, My big bro and my parents.)

It's a beautiful and cold place. Snow and High Mountain and no phone call from anyone.

It was supposed to be no call. But on the 3 days, I got a call from my junior and he said to me that server is not working and it's giving 404 error.

So I told him to go to Cpanel (It was client's server). After 1 hour I got a call back from him and he was not able to fix it.

So I had to open the Cpanel in my Galaxy Note 8, Open file manager, go through all the files and logs and fix it code in 2 or 3 files.

It took 4 hours to fix the problem. But that day I understood the value of my Note 8 and its big screen. Thank you, Samsung.

Note: The lake in the photo is Pangong Lake/

ideal sprint fallacy.
total days 10 , total hours(excluding breaks ) 8 hrs per day= 80 hrs per dev

code freeze day = day 8, testing+ fixing days : 8,9,10. release day : day 10
so ideal dev time = 7days/56 hr
meetings= - 1hr per day => 49 hrs per dev

- 1 day for planning i.e d1 . so dev time left . 6 days 42 hrs.
-----------
all good planning. now here comes the messups

1. last release took some time. so planning could not happen on d1. all devs are waiting. . devtime = 5 days 35 hrs.

2. during planning:
mgr: hey devx what's the status on task 1?
d: i integrated mock apis. if server has made the apis, i will test them .
mgr : server says the apis are done. whats your guestimate for the task completion?
d : max 1-2 hrs?
m : cool. i assign you 4 hrs for this. now what about task 2?
d : task told to me is done and working . however sub mgr mentioned that a new screen will be added. so that will take time
m : no we probably won't be taking the screen. what's your giestimate?
d : a few more testing on existing features. maybe 1-2 hrs ?
m: cool
another 4 hrs for u. what about task 3?
d : <same story>
m : cool. another 4 hrs for u. so a total of 12 hrs out of 35 hrs? you must be relaxed this sprint.
d : yeah i guess.
m cool.
-------
timelines.
d1: wasted i previous sprint
d2 : sprint planning
d3 : 3+ hrs of meetings, apis for task 1 weren't available sub manager randomly decided that yes we can add another screen but didn't discussed. updates on all 3 tasks : no change in status
d4 : same story. dev apis starts failing so testing comes to halt.
d5 : apis for task1 available . task 3 got additional improvement points from mgr out of random. some prod issue happens which takes 4+ hrs. update on tasks : some more work done on task 3, task 1 and 2 remains same.
d6 : task1 apis are different from mocks. additionally 2 apis start breaking and its come to know thatgrs did not explain the task properly. finally after another 3+ hrs of discussion , we come to some conclusions and resolutions
d7 : prod issue again comes. 4+ hrs goes into it . task 2 and 3 are discussed for new screen additiona that can easily take 2+ days to be created . we agree tot ake 1 and drop 2nd task's changes i finish task 2 new screens in 6 hrs , hoping that finally everything will be fine.

d8 : prod issue again comes, and changes are requested in task 2 and 3

day 9 build finally goes to tester
day 10 first few bugs come with approval for some tasks
day 11(day 1 of new sprint) final build with fixes is shared. new bugs (unrelated to tasks. basically new features disguised as bugs) are raised . we reject and release the build.

day 2 sprint planning
mgr : hey dev x, u had only 12 hrs of work in your plate. why did the build got delayed?

🥲🫡

An 8 month nightmare project that failed more than it did anything else. With a team of 14 starting out and a 2 month deadline. Project ends Friday the 13th with only myself and another of the original team still left. It's crazy how issues out of our control caused skilled engineers to lose their cool and position and those that saw it through jumped up even though it all failed. Even if the project is horrible sometimes it pays to see it through to the bitter end.

most productive workflow I ever seen.

excel 1 : stock
excel 2 : order

compare stock with order manually 1000+ product.
excel 3 : check history of order generator (shop)

excel 4 : today's price of product + tax
excel 5 : alot specific unit's of product
excel 6 : maintained bill credit/debit
next step : forword to managers for approval
excel 7 : edit's from nanager
process repeat till managers approval

excel 8 : dispatched history
excel 9 : return product (reason's/unit)
excel 10 : stock update return + new product's

and few more excel's

data of 5+ year's
daily 500+ order's

lPO listed company

i have not mentioned account and other stuff

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻