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-
If you had
one language
One framework
To code everything you want
Would you learn it or let it pass
His code is heavy,
arms are weak,
mind is bending.
It's all spaghetti.
He is nervous but looks calm and ready
to go now
but he keeps on forgetting
what he wrote down.
The manager is getting loud
He moves his mouse but the bugs won't got out
They are features now
Time to ship
Over blaow!18 -
My girlfriends mom asked whether I could fix her coworkers laptop. She claimed that it had viruses installed and laptop is laggy..
So... I got that laptop just now, got home and turned it on. It doesn't have WiFi drivers installed and I do not have any free Ethernet cable right now.
About the lags... Well you won't believe how many custom tool bars and security programs there were. McAffe, AVG, ESET and some Russian made firewall which asks for license key every 5mins.
And she asked me to reinstall windows and keep every file of hers, and she didn't bother to point which files of 300gb of photos/videos/docs are worth keeping and which are not.. HDD is 300GB :A fuck me
P. S. Since it's my first rant I can say ranting helps a lot to calm down23 -
2010: PHP, CSS, Vanilla JS, and a LAMP Server.
Ah, the simple life.
2016: Node.js, React, Vue, Angular, AngularJS, Polymer, Sass, Less, Gulp, Bower, Grunt.
I can't handle this, I'm shifting domains to Machine Learning.
2017: Numpy, Scipy, TensorFlow, Theano, Keras, Torch, CNNs, RNNs, GANs and LOTS AND LOTS OF MATH!
Okay, okay. Calm down there fella.
JavaScript doesn't seem that complicated now, does it? 🙈14 -
>>Be me
>>Looks at laptop once
>>Gets 4 emails about the same fucking one
>>Be me
>>Looks at shoes once
>>Gets 3 emails and one notification from the app about a sale on shoes
>>Be me
>>Buy a mechanical keyboard
>>Gets 4 emails and 3 notifications from the app about a sale on keyboards.
Ok Amazon calm the fuck down bud.
13 -
For 2 years I tried to make my boss pay me what I know I should be worth. Over the same time the team morale took a nosedive down into an avalanche.
Today I told him, that I am sick of being kept waiting and listening to excuses. I want the payment I know I deserve and I want it before the end of the year. I believe to have stayed perfectly calm and factual, even told him "I am sorry, I really tried it, but I cannot take this anymore".
He found a way to put a (literal) "fuck you" and a verbal middle finger into other people's mounts, so he "didn't say it himself" and shut down the meeting telling me to look for another job.
Actually I have not felt as satisfied in my job for a long time, as I have in that very moment.
Time for a new start.17 -
(!Rant) My Programming cave.
A clean environment has always been one of my 'must have' tools for development.
Keeping it clean keeps you calm while busting down on some difficult problems.
And you better believe late night programming marathons are a treat.
24 -
I think I'm going to delete my account.
I browsed through my personal feed, and even though I've spend some time curating, only about 1 in a 100 is a real rant. The rest are memes, mildly funny observations, the kind of programmer humor which is only funny to non-programmers, and bland anekdotes.
And when I post something IN ALL CAPS WITH SOME FUCKING CURSEWORDS AND RAGE IN THERE YOU CUNTS ALL TELL ME TO CALM DOWN AND BE MORE POSITIVE?
What kind of a weak, smoothieslurping mindfulness convention has this community become? Do you guys just want to be a mildly funny reddit clone for easily offended hipsters?
This place was my outlet, my venting space, the spot where I didn't feel alone in frustrations.
I find this new content fucking sickening.56 -
Wrote a script that calms the extreme use of exclamation/question marks and capslocked rants, do have to say, it makes it much easier to read many of the rants, it also adds small stats at the bottom of the rant
may sound like it takes the "fun" out of those rants, but it only triggers if the capslock is more than the lowercased letters
wish the devrant webapp was accessible from mobile, to use all them scripts on mobile too
25 -
Sexist prick alert!
So wearing my summer dress and generally all dolled up for a massive work summer party I hear from one of the devs from a remote location that "wow, I do not look like a developer" and "I look like I should have things explained to me at a high overview ha-ha-ha" but it was "a compliment" so me getting pissed was "overreacting" and I "should calm down"
Sorry but no.
Please do not ever say anything like that to any female developer, even if you mean it "as a compliment" (that sounds like.. you know.. like you're saying women generally prefer make up to thinking)
That's lame af if you ask me57 -
First on the phone this afternoon and also a crapload of tickets.
*alright let's do some tickets*
*tringgggggg*
*fair enough, phone comes first*
*half an hour later call finishes*
*alright, tickets!*
*tringggg*
*alright phone first again*
*handles call, hangs up*
*Aaand tickets!*
*Tringgggggggg*
*oh come on I need to do tickets :/*
*handles call again and closes convo*
*Aaaand now: ticke... *TRINGGGG*
*oh come on!!*
*handles call once again*
*please don't interrupt me now, I need to do those ti.... *TRINGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*
*fucking hell!*
*handles call and tries to stay calm*
*now tickets!*
*types reply, presses repl... *TRINGGGG 😈*
*OH FOR FUCKS SAKE*
*handles call once a-FUCKING-gain*
*if the phone rings now...*
*goes to the reply button again and: clic.... *TRINGGGGGG - GO FUCK YOURSELF!*
FUUUUUUUCKING FUCKING FUCK.
FUCK. TODAY WAS ANNOYING AS HELL.9 -
*deep breath*
Remain calm, don’t freak out, remain calm, don’t freak out.
*deep breath*
Ok, so my sort of new manager (had a slightly different manger-ish role on the team), has for the third time in as many months, just sent an email criticizing the dev team for our working from home-ness (which for the record has not been that bad, 2/3 or 3/3 have been in everyday for the past month)
In this same period, there has been late nights, weekends, successful releases, I’ve been invited to talk at a conference about my work (not a particularly big one, but still). Point is, everything is going well, very well in fact.
There has been no emails discussing our great work, thanking us for extra work, thanking us for picking up slack from other teams who are down a few people etc. no our major concern it seems is the “optics” of our team not being present in the open space.
Our contracts list flexible working hours, and his boss has frequently told us WFH is fine when things are too busy. But no he is complaining for us to get our hours in the office in line and make sure we are in the office more.
It’s been a particularly long and frustrating week, and I’m very tempted to inform him that if he is concerned about my chair and desk looking empty, that I can put them somewhere for him where they will always be occupied until a surgeon can remove them.
However, thanks to the deep breaths, I’ve managed to restrain myself long enough to run this past you all first and ask advice.
Please help,
Sincerely,
My sanity15 -
Client called and a colleague picked up. Within 10 minutes his face went from happy to nearly eating himself in order to remain calm (veeery above average dumb/stupid person)
It was insanely entertaining to watch how he tried to keep himself together!
Yes, I've got sadistic tendencies sometimes 😊4 -
If your IDE found
10 errors
and 47 warns
would you correct them
or let them slip.
YO ...
His palms are sweaty
Knees weak, arms are heavy
The tests are failing already
Code spaghetti.
He's nervous,
But at his laptop he looks calm and ready
To squash bugs
But he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down, the whole team goes so loud
He opens his file, but the code won't come out
He's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now
The deadline run out, times up, over, blaow!
Snap back to reality, oh there goes file integrity
Oh, there goes documentation, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy? No
He won't have it, he knows his whole header's code
It don't matter, he's dope, he knows that, but he's broke
He's so stacked that he knows, when he goes back to his mobile home, that's when its
Back to the office again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him
Note: All credits to the original owners of these phrases.5 -
And then one day you wake up and discover that your first boss,
the one who hired you when you had no experience
who believed in you when nobody else did
and also paid you a full decent payment when the rest of the world tried to pay you less than half the amount
who taught you a lot about the business and even when you disagreed, it was impossible to get angry because he was calm and gentle always
and treated you so many lunches and dinners
…was beaten and killed by a former colleague…
I have no words…
Sayonara 👋 boss
I will miss you so much on this Earth 😢3 -
I really fucking need to learn to relax/chill out.
Fucked up something at work a few days ago but it didn't seem to be that big of a deal.
Then, yesterday, someone put a ticket on my name from the person/account I fucked something up with.
I spend yesterday evening and this morning worrying so much that I literally constantly had to talk myself down/calm
Asked this morning if it would be fixable easily because I couldn't hold my nerves anymore.
"oh yeah that'll take just a few minutes, just put the ticket on my name!"
I seriously need to learn how to control this 😞15 -
I like to fold origami mostly following instructions from youtube-videos. It really helps to calm down and relax and it's a great feeling being able to fold figures without instructions after a couple of times.
Here's the little Yoda I've made as a christmas present
5 -
Recruiter: Why makes you leave a company?
Me: When the company don't appreciate their employees, when I have to develop a small system for them and they never use it. when they try to give me the calm down needle.
Recruiter: what is the calm down needle?
Me: It's when I come with an issue i am facing and you tell me you will fix it, and promise me its gonna happen and never do it.
Recruiter: Silence....
Me: "Keep Talking" When you promise some employee and you are not able to deliver your promise .. well, Its just better if you didn't promise him!
Recruiter: Ok, "next question"
Damn I feel like I was so mad and my answer were straight forward with no bullshit. I think I scared her.1 -
What should you do when you find dfox ++ your rant?
Wrong - To take screenshot and post about it and say you are feeling like a celebrity.
Correct - Stay calm. Chill.
:)8 -
> *WordPress website gets down Error 500: Cannot establish Connection with database*
> Marketing loses their shit: "We need the website up and working right now"
> *Me being calm *: "Nope, we cannot it's the service provider error, there's nothing we can do"
> *MK.G*: "Alright then, switch to another ISP ASAP"
> *Me, Internal rage, a volcano erupts *: "Umm..so you want to spend more money on another hosting because this one has an outage of 48 hours?"
>*MK.G *: "Yes, because we cannot run Facebook ads, just because website is down"
>*Internal lmao*: "Alright, but by the time you purchase a new service provider and host, the website will be up and running plus since the database is down we cannot migrate"
>*MK.G*: "I don't care, just make it up and working"
>*Me chilling*: "Alright, give me few hours"
> after a few hours the website is working *me being badass even though I didn't do anything*13 -
Got an interview invitation from HR.
Accepted it without looking at the interviewee's profile (rookie mistake).
Finally looked at his profile. He was 5 times, 5 times more experienced than me. Had a STRONG resume.
Was under pressure a lot of pressure. I realized I was not at all suitable for being this guys interviewer.
Just one good thing. It was his first round and was going to be a telephonic round after which we were going to fly him down.
Clock ticked 6. Time for interview. More nervousness.
Called him. Guy picked up. Introduced myself. In a calm voice he says, he is busy with a very critical bug. Can we reschedule?
Now this will generally piss me off. But this time I was relieved 😅7 -
I find it so amazing to see when my colleagues (or even me) are irritated/annoyed to the fucking point, swearing around and so on but then the phone rings and they are completely calm/sound nice/happy when they pick it up one second later. (we're Linux support engineers)
This job is the best fucking self control training I've ever had!10 -
My scrum team was discussing about how our workspaces are basically the size of a large coffin. Our scrum master then chimed in to try to calm everyone down and said they are much larger. Closer to the dimensions of a prison cell he says.2
-
Dear TSA,
That laptop charger in my bag is not a bomb, you can calm down now.
Sincerely,
The guy who clearly had a laptop in an airport1 -
So Twitter apparently used http status code "420 - Enhance your calm" to notify the client that it was sending too many requests (basically chill the **** out). Note the status code number as well 😁
Image from wikipedia.
3 -
Yo.
His palms are sweaty
Knees weak arms are heavy
Bugs littering his code already
Cold spaghetti 🍝
He’s nervous but on the surface he looks calm and ready to git push
(Hit a blank with thinking of code-related lyrics, anyone got ideas?)16 -
worst experience with a manager was the (female) one who got away with harassing a female employee for YEARS and thought it was ok because she thought they were friends.
She also retaliated (in ways that were hard to prove), played favorites, didn't know metrics or general business sense, couldn't do her employee's jobs but loved to tell them how they were wrong all the time, and then when she was fired, after the female coworker finally reported the ass slapping and the harassment based on disability, she went back into employee only areas with client personal information and thought taking selfies was ok (she was very quickly corrected and had to wipe her phone and memory card to ensure she hadn't been doing it when she wasn't caught, which cameras later proved she had been).
(I only sound calm. I will take a needle to her probably fake boobs and deflate them with glee if I ever see her again)4 -
So the tax authorities in the Netherlands have this slogan that roughly translates to:
"We can't make it fun, but we can make it easier."
I'm not sure how this is going to be easy for me. This arrived in the mail today.
Even worse this is a fuck up from them. They are saying our company did not do it's taxes but when we log in their online portal we can see that we did them. But they are saying that they don't see it in their system.
Who build that system?
Trying to stay calm when they are claiming I own them more taxes then my company has earned in a year.
I did not have enough sleep for this drama.
By the way how about we save some trees and don't send 30 letters on 1 day.
11 -
I hate it when people don't understand that programmers are prone to depression just like anyone else in other professions.
And my blood literally boils when someone says "Stop overthinking". Like bro, overthinking is literally how I make a living.
If I stop thinking about how my code can fail, I no longer can make a living out of this. I'll be no better than a handicapped PTSD possessed war veteran.
Also, IMO, you're born with an overthinking mind. It's not learned or acquired from an influence. I wish I could stop overthinking, but I have to accept it's beyond my control and try to tame it best I can.
It just sucks. But it is what it is. I know my head is spitting words out at full capacity right now, which just leads to depressed thoughts, and it will calm itself right down after some time.13 -
Dev: Hey, I need you to see something.
Client: ok
Dev: this is the models of those reports you need
Client: ok, wait, what is that number? This is wrong, we can't...
Dev: hey, calm down, this is not the production, it's just fake database!
Client: ah, ok.
(5 minutes of explantion)
Dev: so, what do you think?
Client: just one point, that data is very very wrong, we need to change this ASAP!7 -
after doing all the paperwork and packing his shit, he shaked hands with his now ex-boss, and with a smile, and after their hands are no longer touching, he told him with a really calm voice to go fuck himself.1
-
"Simply log into our portal to access a list of toolkits designed from the ground up to help with your given needs. Using our unique tailored framework we can .... "
Sandra, calm the fuck down. You have a website with some reading material, a form and a few buttons. Get over yourself.2 -
A bug in production, so I was debugging and the boss says to me "how do you stay so calm?" and I answer "just like a surgeon does't have to freak out with blood, a developer doesn't have to freak out with bugs"3
-
In my current work, I have two systems to work on (let's name em Systems A and B). Both basically do the same thing; both allow users to book facilities available to them.
System A is already in production. My job is to fix any bugs that come up on said system. System B is an improved version that they wanted me to develop. This would follow a different framework etc. I am already halfway through this system.
Now, here's the fucked up part. The code for system A is a massive clusterfuck. It has unused commented code dated back to ancient times where men had the brain of an ape.
And don't get me started on the fucking logic. One part of the code was to retrieve and display the timeslots available for a chosen facility. The code to do that alone takes up 500++ fucking lines, filled with ajax commands, html manipulation and commented, unused codes..AND THAT'S JUST THE FRONTEND!
The fucking backend was not a problem of smelly code anymore. Nope. It was like a programmer had code diarrhea and shat his backend code all over the project. If I had a pin board, I would have made a crazy wall just to understand what some fucknut was trying to achieve.
Anyway, my supervisor told me to fix some bugs on System A. Knowing how the code was, I told her that I could refactor the code. Since I've already achieved that function on System B, with a shorter and cleaner code, I could just copy that and use on System A. But nope. She SPECIFICALLY told me to just "do whatever to fix the bugs. I don't want to waste time on System A." Okay. Makes sense to me. Whatever. I didn't wanna fuck my head up looking through that mess of a cesspool. So, I came up with a few hacks, not thinking of clean code and fixed whatever bugs there was. I then just pushed to the repo (after testing of course).
This bloody morning, supervisor came in and gave me more bugs to fix. When I thought she was done, she said "Hey. I saw the fix you made to the system. The bugs are fixed but the retrieval of the timeslots is now pretty slow. Could you see what is the problem?"
Slow.. She said that it was slow. And asked if I could fix it. I already told her what the problem was and she did not want me to waste time on it. But she wants me to fix it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG IN HER BLOODY HEAD! I SWEAR TO GOD... UGHHHHH I swear I was already waterboarding her in my head. YOU WANT FAST?? How bout fucking allowing me to refactor the code?? Fucking shit head. I think I should take up yoga.1 -
Okay, y'all!
Thank you for being remotely interested in my post. It really cheered me up :-D
Here's the definition I submitted, also attached the proof of my humiliation.
devrant
It's the ray of fucking sunshine in a developer's perpetually annoying lifestyle. It is developer-made for developer-use.
An anonymous social platform where the app owners/founders/creators ACTUALLY LISTEN to user feedback!
Developers who have made up a million fucking ways to ask their fucktard co-worker/boss/client to go die, can exchange their creativity for ++s.
It's a platform to channel their rage into a creative rant and calm down a bit. It's like taking a long, deep, virtual breath.
Useless software/apps that behave like they were developed by 5 year olds, also take a hit sometime.
PS - Addiction is a common side effect.
21 -
I think I fucked up. I really do. In my presentation , my browser was left on the search page of "How to detach a head " which supposedly I want to search "How to detach a head in git" but I was in a rush forgot to include git in the search. And after the presentation, I day dreaming and subconsciously staring at one of the coworker, he begin to tell me to calm down as he leave the meeting room.
I think my action will get me arrested man.10 -
About a year ago, while giving interview for a pharmaceutical company. (role of software developer)
Interviewer : So why do you want to join X?
Me (in mind) : (Ok, be calm, I have practiced this and i know what to answer, just follo tbe script)
Me : (Following the script) I would like to join X because I think X could give me exposure to meet people with various skills. (Cant remember what was next) And i also think working in X would make my father proud as he always wanted me to become a Doctor.
After that I just sat there for a few seconds staring at desk contemplating my life failures and I suddenly remember Im in a INTERVIEW.
Me : And thats it. (smiling as if nothing happened)
Worst Interview ever.2 -
Guys, calm down.
By the end of the month, GDPR will take place and the mails “should” have an end.
IMO GDPR is a great thing, we should be thankful instead of complaining..
Happy coding to y’all
I’ll be able to actually delete my WhatsApp account:)1 -
As usual finished the task just an hour before demo meeting. That hour is for transportation. Obviously I didn't test nor rehearse.
As usual, in to 2 mins of demo and greeted by error page.
As usual
1) stay the fuck calm
2) this features was already demo-ed and fixed and went fine few weeks ago
3) what the fuck happen now
4) stay the fuck calm, smile.
5) "ah please give me one minute, I forgot to clean up some stuff while working on new features"
6) shit shit. read the error message and log
7) oh I did refactor some files last week. Reorganized the files and folders for better structure and easier understanding. Thought I corrected every occurrences. Obviously I missed few.
8) ssh to the server while screen is still showing on projector
9) dig into the file quick
10) stay the fuck calm
11) fix
12) refresh
13) sorry all good, so I was saying ....
Well finally it's done for today and going back to office. After all it went ok. 👌2 -
Today I deactivated and uninstalled my facebook account, because I want to get less distracted.
I didn't realise how addicting the inane bullshit of other people is until I started feeling like I've lost a limb.
I am going to brave through this!!!!!! Fuck Social Media.16 -
!rant
Boss challenged me to get something done before a demo and he'd give me tomorrow off paid. I completed the task on the time and at the end of the day told him I was leaving for another position. He was totally calm, cool, professional and still gave me tomorrow off paid. I don't know how that happened. Life is good.4 -
Shitty call
Me: what do you want?
Q: I Lost my iphone
Me: (already pissed) ok,do you have an icloud account?
Q: Yes, but i forgot the password.
Me: what!?!, ok, fine, we will reset it, which is your ID?
Q: I lost it too.
*stay calm* *stay calm*
Me: I can't help you go to an apple store and ask there. *I Close the call*
*Add that number to blacklist*2 -
I'm 4 days old to this company. I spent 40 minutes debugging why the internet is not working. I asked the IT Guys for the support and they said everything is good.
So why the fuck is the internet not working? I rant at them. The IT Guy told me to calm down and then he will help me. So I calm down and again went to ask for help. He said that he will check it out after breakfast.
It's been more then an hour and he hasn't returned yet. I'm going to complain to the Boss when he comes in. This is not cool man.11 -
This morning my girlfriend told me about the network at her school constantly disconnecting, to which I jokingly replied "So, it doesn't deserve candy". She came back with "But it's already asking for so many cookies"...
-
[OC] Don't let the nature get to you only as a pixels on your screen!
Free your mind and don't forget the real world is out there, waiting for you to help you think, calm yourself and please you in the silence of a forest ~
No fans spinning
9 -
I love my girlfriend, but sometimes she doesn't get dev-work.
Last night, we had a fight over me sticking post-its to the wall in our home office. I find them helpful for keeping an overview of what I'm working on. She finds them ugly and decided to tear them all down without conferring with me. I got pissed. I almost always give in to her quirks and wants in every other aspect of how we live, so I feel like my desk space should at least be under my control. In my anger, I ordered her out of the room. She then proceeded to be sulking/angry with me up till and including this morning "because I overreacted".
Was I wrong? What should I have done differently?22 -
I'm going to quit tomorrow.
I've been thinking about this for a while now, took every aspects into consideration but this job is still a waste of time thanks to some fuckwits in important positions.
Now I feel happy, relieved and calm even though they don't have my resignation letter yet.8 -
Ducks are just like programmers. They might seem calm on the surface, but they're flailing wildly underneath
4 -
!dev
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
My Mother was intelligent enough to get her phone stolen and screams at me over the phone of my brother why I can't do more than telling her the last known location
BECAUSE THEY SHUT IT DOWN
I CAN'T DO SHIT WITHOUT THE PHONE HAVING AN INTERNET CONNECTION
But what if they go through my files go into my bank account
THEY CAN'T BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PASSWORD ON IT
but they could crack it or something
NO THEY CAN'T WITHOUT TRYING FOR MONTHS OR YEARS OF POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS
but
NO BUT JUST FUCKING CALM DOWN IF THEY AREN'T THAT BAD THEN THEY WILL CALL ME IF THEY ARE ASSHOLES THEY NEED AT LEAST MAKE A FACTORY RESET AND DELETE ALL YOUR FILES
I CAN'T DO MORE THAN THIS SO FUCKING SHUT UP AND DON'T LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT A FUCKING WAITING ROOM AND DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING ON THE FUCKING INTERNET ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK
Thanks know I can't concentrate anymore........5 -
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
NOTHING, FUCKING NOTHING IS WORKING SINCE I MADE THIS FUCKING UPDATE
FUCK YOU WINDOWS, FUCK YOU MICROSOFT
12 -
Windows servers are a joke. A bad joke.
I feel sorry for people who have to work on them and have that as their profession you never used Linux
If someone came up to me and said we should use a windows server for this I'd laugh in his face and fire him. Seriously. I would.
That's how much I hate them. Got it? Ok good ... I'm calm now 😎
65 -
Weirdest place I've coded has to be in an Uber on my way to my wedding venue hours before I was supposed to get married. I wasn't working on a specific project it just seemed to calm my nerves down, luckily my wife understood that.
-
Whenever a friend is raging over some bug i'm like:
Calm down... relax... write a rant... get schwifty...5 -
JavaScript? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
JK. Honestly, all I can say is the next fad will come, then the next, then the next... They'll all explode for a bit, accumulate band wagoners, calm down... Wash, rinse, repeat...
Oh and PHP will still be around. :P9 -
I passed my exam (did well even), signed up to be a blood donor and landed a job interview all in one day. If all days could be like that.. Now to go look my coworkers in the eyes like I'm not getting ready to jump ship but I'm secretly so excited I can barely sit still 🤭😂
(yes I know a job interview doesn't equal I got the job already, thanks and calm the fuck down, dads 🙄 only an idiot would only have one other thing lined up. Plan C, D and E are on standby too)5 -
Story: A sudden pleasant realisation about myself...
Realized today that I have reached a level of Developer I always wanted to have reached.. A junior forgot his mouse, I gave him mine and took out old trusty hacky scroll from the cupboard, the junior brought batteries as a thank you, I told him thanks but there was no need, I have coded without a mouse and can do again if need be, no issues really... I have even used my phone over wifi as a mouse, I can dev as long as I have some form of something at my disposal... Had a meeting where I had to implement a feature for something that was mentioned in a meeting I was never invited for a bunch of months prior, that had to go live today, asked all the right questions, remained calm, tested like a pro and it was practically seamlessly inserted into the system by yours truly... I was proud of my work on a different level to be honest.. Had a difficult meeting with my manager, but kept really calm, stated the facts effortlessly and made him feel comfortable too, happy ending and happy resolution. Then I spent the ride home trying to project an fm station using my phone.. by the time we got home me and my colleague found a solution to be tested soon... It was only when I put my phone down after closing all my research tabs and deleting the apps used for the day that will not be needed tomorrow when I realised how awesome I seem to have become... Treating myself to a juicy burger and coke with gaming tonight. Something is bound to go sideways again sometime. But you know what, it seems like I'll be just fine.. Somewhere I seem to have become exactly who I wanted to be.. Now for further goals and higher aims while maintaining this person I only noticed today.3 -
I enjoy listening to Metalcore while coding. It really helps me calm down and focus/concentrate (the irony of that whilst having someone scream right into my ears 😂). It also helps me chill and regulate my emotions better. Am I weird? What helps you focus and code better?31
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!rant
I don't even care about getting upvotes with rage rants. It's just very nice to have a place where I can out all my rage and anger and where people actually understand me instead of staring at me like 'woah, calm down'. I feel like I'm actually understood here, something I don't often have irl. This is why I f*cking love devRant.1 -
Is this just me?
if(..... expression.....){
System.out.println("it works, calm down");
} else{
System.out.println("it's not fucking working, holy fucckk, fucking WORK");
}
Tell me if you do something similar.6 -
So i am a trainee at a Software Company in germany. Im in My thir year. We got a new trainee who has a better degree then me and is 3 years older (hes 23). yesterday we was in our Office working and My "teacher/Boss") was talking with a customer. Then the new trainee asks me at least 5 fucking stupid questions. I stay calm and answer them normally because i think He dosent kwow any better and would Learn it. So this fucker works on a typo 3 Website and ask me why He cant Put Java Inside his Website to animate some articles. I ask him why He would want to do this with Java? He says (like a ignorant fucker) because its only working using Java. I kindly ask him if He maybe means javascript and Not Java. And He says: oh yes i mean That but thats the Same thing. I say no its not javascript and Java are different languages. He responds with no Java is just a shorter Form of saying javascript. I quit helping this guy. The fact That he thinks He knows better its just killing me.7
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DO !!!NOT!!!!! USE 'X' AND 'P' TO 'CUT AND PASTE' A LOT OF LINES ACROSS FILES IN VIM!!! HOLY SHIT I JUST PWNED MYSELF SO HARD I LOST SO MUCH CODE HOLY FUCK IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! WHERE DID AT ALL GO YOU ASK, WHY THE FUCKING REGISTER, OK LET'S CHECK THE REGISTER, COOL THERE IT IS, BUT WAIT, THERE'S ONLY LIKE 20% OF IT BECAUSE WE CUT A SHIT LOAD OF LINES AT ONCE, AND THE REGISTER OVERFILLED.... Ok let's calm down, doesn't Vim have a recovery option? Yes it does, but WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE, MY CHANGES ARE NOT IN THE SWAP FILE BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE VIM CRASHED OR ANYTHING, MY DUMB-FUCK-ASS WILLFULLY WROTE THE CHANGES WHEN I SWITCHED OVER TO THE NEW FILE, AND NOW, WELL THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DEAD KIDDO, YOU WROTE THE CHANGES TO DISK, NOTHING YOU CAN DO, AND I AM SO SCREWED I SPECIFICALLY MADE A DEVRANT ACCOUNT TO MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE PWNS HIMSELF AS HARD AS I JUST DID HOLY FUCK17
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I was in class one time, chatting with a pal of mine. We had just started our Web development course so I was working on that while we talked.
A few rows behind me sat another classmate, struggeling with this project we were going to turn in The week after.
So our teacher comes by and asks us how's it going and the guy behind us starts throwing a tantrum (it didnt go Well for him).
- "I have no idéa what I'm supposed to do, or what I'm even doing!"
My teacher started out very empathetic and calm, explaining and helping him.
This guy got more and more frustrated to the point an hour later where he started to scream.
And then came the one and only time I've heard my teacher angry, it was exactly like The calm before a storm.
- "Do you know what 99% of all developers do when they get stuck?! They use fucking Google!! You have to learn how to fucking Google!!"
Non the less the dude calmed down and started to use google.2 -
Dev colleague when searching something on Windows:
* Click the windows button
* Click the search button next to windows button
* Type the search string
* Wait for results to load
* Use the mouse again to click the first search result.
I try to keep calm, but this annoys me soooooo much... 😫4 -
*squirming in bed*
If it ain't broke don't fix it.. If it ain't broke don-WHAT THE FUCK IS "payment.needed2"??
Calm down, it's just some bad code but it works, you didn't write it, it's not your probl-WHY THE FUCK DO THE IF STATEMENTS HAVE SO MANY DUPLICATED LINES??
Sleep. Just sleep. -
* Yesterday:*
PM: Yes, so, could you please do those changes on this page tomorrow by 3 pm and push to prod?
Me: Yeah sure! Noted :) (task is to "untick" a checkbox in a page's settings on our CMS)
* the next day -- 11 am *
PM: erm yes so please can you do the changes I told you about, it's getting urgent and you didn't start it already and it stresses the hell out of me because today is friday and it needs to be up and running fine for Monday 12pm and you don't work on weekend so I'd like yo-
Me:
2 -
Well I just had a breakdown a few hours ago.. For a too calm guy like me it's really rare, but also not surprising. I have my third deadline in a row, haven't really seen people over the last month. Thanks guys for helping me survive socially during this month, I'm a very social guy usually, so I really needed that.
Apart from that, last time I was hopeful about my schedule and sent it to my advisor she called me the day after shouting that it's not realistic and I'll never be done on time. I could have worked harder on February, that's true, but for fuck sake she ruined all of my motivation in a 10 minute call.
I wish I liked what I'm doing. I wish people I work with would have appreciated what I'm doing and encourage me. I wish I was 2 weeks to the future when I have not even a slight thing to worry about.
Get me outta here 😩3 -
Well there were quite some teamwork fails concerning Git and build environments. I covered a few in my previous rants.
Basically I become a tiny bit of FUCKING ANGRY when I have to work with lobotomized pricks who get a segfault at address 0x00000000 in their brain_x68.exe when it comes to handle Git in the simplest ways possible.
Horrible commit messages, unfinished/buggy stuff pushed to master, force-push with fucking 6 months old code +1 change, pushing "resolved" mergeconflicts without resolving, 1 year old issues which are not closed or marked in any commit message, copying repofiles into a backup folder and committing it, not commiting files and change it directly on the FTP...
I HAVE SEEN IT ALL.
If I was not a calm and thoughtful guy I have had exploded and quit a long time ago!
I only help them so they can improve their dev style and workflows.1 -
I'm not sure *why*, but I increasingly see the following pattern:
Challenge a primarily OO / imperative dev by saying OO or imperative styles aren't always a good fit, and that a stateless functional approach can offer advantages, and you often get something akin to:
"Yeah, it's new to me so I'm still working my way around it, but I get that. Makes a lot of sense."
Challenge a functional dev by saying the functional style isn't always best, and in some cases functional isn't a good fit, and you tend to get:
"YOU IMBECILE! YOU ARE SIMPLY CONSTRAINED BY YOUR YEARS OF MINDLESSLY FOLLOWING THE OO HERD! FUNCTIONAL IS ALWAYS SUPERIOR!! ALWAYS, I TELL YOU!!"
I mean geez guys, calm down and learn it's just another tool in the toolbox. I get that popular paradigms emerge and have their die-hard supporters, but I didn't even see this kind of thing when OO became the "new thing everyone needs to use for everything" in the 90's.3 -
Me: Ah, just have to finish this one small feature today and this whole massive update is done. Everyone will be off my back, things will calm down. Gonna be great.
Life: hey man, you know what I was thinking? It’s been a really long time since you had one of those vomiting bugs ... you know the gut wrenching, massive headache, can’t do anything but stare at the walls kind of flu’s?
Me: ...... eh I’m ok thanks.
Life: oh buddy you don’t understand ...... RUN!!!2 -
He told me to "calm down".
...
I said to him: "If it weren't you, I'd have hit you." (slowly, with the most serious voice...)
I hate this fucking sentence so damn much...!
"Just calm down..." - "BAM HEADSHOT! GO DIE!"... 🤔5 -
Some idiots ripped off our work and code that was open sourced and wrote a paper on it and got it published from some cheap publisher. Even for me to some benefit of doubt or consider that probably they worked on advancing our research….they didn’t even give us any credits!
Heights of shamelessness!
FYI, we already had an IEEE paper published!
I don’t mind if you guys have any suggestions on how I can get back at them. I don’t think a rant is going to calm me down for what they have done.7 -
!rant
I've been lurking here for quite some time now. Decided to create my account today.
I'd love to share a good rant but the last couple of days were the most calm I ever had. Thanks to you guys giving me hope and strength and see others feel the same.
Thanks for the good posts and funny comments.4 -
Sometimes hardest part of being dev is staying calm and trying to explain someone why something is a BAD idea, than see being ignored and just silently prepare fix so when shit goes south you can quick fix shit the other dude/dudette fucked up regardless of number of warnings.
Sigh, another dumpsterfire of this variety incoming.5 -
BS like this can flipping fry an egg. Drops hot!
I can't even stand the one trying to calm the tide on Linkedin. Y'all fucking insane!
Does anyone here think LinkedIn would have been better without anyone able to post at all?
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Spent a lot of time designing a proper HTTP (dare I even say RESTful) API for our - what is until now a closed system, using a little-known/badly-supported message-over-websocket protocol to do RPC-style communications - supposedly enterprise-grade product.
I make the API spec go through several rounds of review with the rest of the dev team and customers/partners alike. After a few iterations, everybody agrees that the spec will meet the necessary requirements.
I start implementing according to spec. Because this is the first time we're actually building proper HTTP handling into the product, but we of course have to make it work at least somewhat with the RPC-style codebase, it's mostly foundational work. But still, I manage to get some initial endpoints fully implemented and working as per the spec we agreed. The first PR is created, reviews are positive, the direction is clear and what's there already works.
At this point in time, I leave on my honeymoon for two weeks. Naturally, I assume that the remaining endpoints will be completed following the outlines/example of the endpoints which I built. When I come back, the team mentions that the implementation is completed and I believe all is well.
The feature is deployed selectively to some alpha customers to start validation testing before the big rollout. It's been like that for a good month, until a few days ago when I get a question related to a PoC integration which they can't seem to get to work.
I start investigating and notice that the API hasn't been implemented according to the previously agreed upon spec at all. Not only did the team manage to implement the missing functionality in strange and some even broken ways, they also managed to refactor my previously working endpoints into being non-compliant.
Now, I'm a flexible guy. It's not because something isn't done exactly as I've imagined it that it's automatically bad. However, I know from experience that designing a good/clear/future-proof API is a tricky exercise. I've put a lot of time and effort into deliberate design decisions that made up the spec that we all reviewed repeatedly and agreed upon. The current implementation might also be fine, but I now have to go over each endpoint again and reason about whether the implementation still fulfills the requirements (both soft and hard) that we set out to meet.
I'm met with resistance, pushback and disbelief from product management and dev co-workers alike when I raise the concern that the API might actually not be production-ready (while I'm frantically rewriting my integration tests and figuring out how the actual implementation works in comparison to what was spec'ed).
Oh, and did I mention that product management wants to release this by end-of-week?!7 -
The story of how I stumbled onto devrant:
Not long ago I was struggling with visual studio and did not know what to think, do or say. The only thing I wanted to do was scream while I banged my laptop against the wall. Just before doing that I googled "fuck Vs fuck Microsoft" and I was introduced to devrant. Something about reading the rqnts of frustrated developers made me calm (It also made me laugh). So what I really want to say is: thank you devrant for saving my money.3 -
It took straight 2 minutes to send 3 values to their server and even then it failed, just fucking great, what fills my eyes with blood is how calm the message is supposed to sound, you fuck can't receive opt-outs over https, what?!
3 -
So today i went to another town for a car service, and by accident i met a very old man looking at the cars in the saloon, he was very calm person, in conversation he said he was system analyst and a COBOL developer in a big industry... but what got me the most he said he survided FOUR heart attacks... i don't know if that was a common practice for COBOL developers but i do php most of the time... so... i just wanted to say hello guys... and delete my browser history if i'm not around for some time :)4
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!dev
Ive been looking for a hobby for years but nothing is interesting enough.. i lose interest within a few hours (besides cars but thats expensive so i only work on it very once in a while).
But now everything changed.. I was looking for something that keeps my mind busy but I was soooo bored those last months that I went fishing just to get outside..
turns out my new hobby is the opposite of what i was looking for.. fishing and completely turn off my brain.. its so calming to just be alone in the nature and do a very simple task, thowing out and pulling in with a chamce of catching a nice dinner.. try-catch basically..
assembled my first custom rod today, i kept in mind what i liked about certain rods and then put the best of each of them into my own rod..
if youre stressed and and introvert you should try it..
havent been that calm in years..17 -
Nobody Unit Tests.
So it's already 1:15am late night and I am all tucked up in bed watching Roy Oshrove talk on unit testing and ways to write correct unit test. My friend walk in and finds me in bed watching this. He seems surprised as what are you doing ??
I replied it is an interesting talk on unit testing.
He says are you mad? Who the hell does unit testing ?
People out there are spitting on unit test code base. And they don't write unit tests.
Nobody unit tests.!!
I stay calm. I know there is no point of arguing. I said I'll sleep in some time.
And he works as developer, a job that I applied an never got because of connections.
I am optimistic someday I'll find a job that I deserve. The developer world is in danger. !!!4 -
RANT.RANT.RANT.
So I have a fucking groupmate for our degree project and he's been constantly bugging on my neck asking me to do things. The problem with him is that he constantly reminds me of the things that I should be doing and he seems like he wants the thing to be done all himself. Basically, he doesn't trust me that I could deliver whatever he asks me to do. He keeps on micromanaging me from time to time and he seems like he wants to control my life altogether! Fuck this.
Oh and another, whenever he asks for opinion, whatever you say doesn't even fucking matter. He dismisses it immediately anyway and goes with whatever he thinks.
Seriously, fuck this!!! I can't keep calm and I need to constantly check on my posture! (Forgot the right term...) Uhhhh halp5 -
Me -Hey did you run through the UTC(s) ?
Co-worker - Yeah.
Me-How many failed?
Co-worker - None!
This project is either going defect-less or Its just the calm before the storm.1 -
Do you ever get anxious and do some work to calm down but then you forget about time and stay up until 6am finishing two features which were due in a month?4
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My search history can show you my how calm or angry I am.
When I get angry the words "fuck" and "shit" begin to appear in my searches.6 -
My boss is such a fucking pussy when it comes to stand up for anything that, even being a calm person, sometimes I just want to bitch slap that mother fucker, get him by the neck and say:
GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!2 -
As some of you may remember about 5 months ago I bought a Lenovo laptop, it had some hardware faults so I got a new one and it had the same faults the store didn't want to offer me a new Lenovo laptop.
I was told to pick a laptop from a selection and today the store is trying to push the product away saying they can't do a thing.
Tonight I'm meeting with a lawyer because the fight has begun.8 -
There's an interesting species out there, the skiplings. They are small, furry beasts, and usually go unseen because they live underground. When there's trembling action however, they leave their burrows to check out what's going on, typically while sitting up.
The rarest breed has the distinct habit of appearing quickly, and once things are observed to be calm, slowly return underground. They are mildly social in that several of them can inhabitate an area, but each has its own little den for sleeping.
Unfortunately, skiplings are a rare species so that they are protected under WCAG 2.1 section 2.4.1 at maximum criticality level A.3 -
I would say that I have good parents and my dad also supports what I do (most of the time) but could my mother please calm down and let me do what I enjoy doing while not yelling at me to learn Latin saying that it is 'the most important subject'.1
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I think we need angrier facial expressions for the Devrant avatars, I mean shouting curse words with a calm collected avatar really undersells the rant
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Anyone who has experienced this without falling into desperation deserves a beer, I know I need one.
Colleague: Python says I have an indentation error, halp. *Sends screenshot*
You: okay, it says it's located on file.py line 39. Can I see the related line?
Colleague: *sends a screenshot of the whole file, without numbered lines*
You: ummm, could you send me the related lines tho?😐
Colleague: 😒 yeah. *Resends a screenshot of the error and the whole file...again*
You: I REALLY need you to send me only the function scope to help you cuz I can't visually debug the whole file on a picture.
Colleague: *sends a panned phone picture with an arrow to the function (half of it)*
Plot twist: she's your girlfriend.
[EDIT]
GF: I can't see it, I'll go have a snack.1 -
!dev
Been away from here for over a year.
Tried meditation, tried working out, tried eating more #00FF00s.
I'm a super calm person and rarely rant over shit in real life but I learned that really little things can replace ranting over random shit on the internet and having people come here to read just exactly that and relate.
I think I'm back :) <34 -
wow, to think i joined devRant 3 years ago when i was fourteen
that was so long ago i used to think the phrase "calm your titties" was funny8 -
When I told John our newest colleague “I understand your frustration but you need to calm down because collaboration is key”
John:
Okay okay okay, I get it. Collaboration is key and all, but these meetings freaking killing me. We need a better balance, where we can have effective meetings that actually drive progress without sacrificing our precious coding mojo.
At the end of the day, I just wanna do what I’m f*ckin paid for. But these damn meetings are killing my vibe, and it's downright frustrating. Can't we just get back to the good ol' days of actually getting sh*t done!
{Bro is in for a long ride}2 -
Things I’m learning from my accounting job that will help me in my future dev career:
Today I have really, truly understood the need to sometimes just walk away.
I couldn’t figure out how to fix something, I kept fucking up, and at 16:40 I realized I can just stop, do something else that’s easy and doable, and come back to the fucked up mess I made in the morning. We’ll see how it goes, but it’s a lesson I’ve been continuously learning over the last few years, not to stubbornly brute-force my way into doing something when I’m not in the right mindset and able to do it, and instead just calm myself down and come back to it later. -
Every night, after all is silent and peace and calm reigns, I pray to Santa to bring swift death to WordPress.4
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I must be getting old. I seem to be the only one confused about 20,000 people successfully paying $60 to buy a digital 3d object from star wars last night. Disney made over a million in 4 seconds.
NFT's powered through blockchains. Feels like a pyramid scheme for the 21st Century. Everyone needs to calm down.5 -
Strap in...
- Previous employer
- 3rd party partner firm
- integration link between both over SOAP
- Both sides riddled with poor code and messed up political structures (partner firm CEO is an investor in my employer)
- Doing a deployment to update to https (I know)
- Keep http endpoint live
- Other side starts shitting itself
- Diagnose
- Not us
- feelsgoodman.tiff
- Get angry email
- Explain not us
- Back and forth
- Tell client it’s “irrelevant” on https issue, it’s their side that’s gone wrong
- Get angry reply with boss cc’d about how nothing is “irrelevant” for the client
- We all had to have a make up meeting and meal
- Client was calm and reasonable, all agreed we just snapped and it wouldn’t happen again
- 2 weeks later
- Their system shits itself again and suddenly we’re on the hook
- BA on my team (smarmy little bastard) constantly fucking me off
- Get so close to actually screaming and hitting him
So yeah. I don’t tend to hold that a job is more important to me than my dignity.
I have and will never hold my tongue for the sake of a job, I’m not gonna put up with people shouting / belittling / backstabbing etc. -
Sooo I'm moving and I contacted my ISP to transfer my internet connection to the new house. And they told me they'll do it after the New Years Eve...
Trying to stay calm....
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I propose a new word — “walm”. If you’re fascinated with liminality, and you feel calm in a huge liminal space like Walmart, you feel walm.
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A medical doctor, a lawyer and a programmer debate whether it's best to have a wife or a girlfriend.
"Easy", the lawyer starts, "a girlfriend comes without any legal obligation, you can have a lot of fun together but when you get enough of her, you can just leave her without any trouble"
The physician objects: "That can only come from a man who never truly loved a woman. Your wife is not just someone who you have fun with, she is you bastion of calm, your ever-loyal partner, the completition yourself. Clearly, having a wife is better"
Both now look at the programmer who remained silent throughout the debate.
He cleans his throat and than says: "Both. You need both. You can tell you wife you're with your girlfriend and you can tell your girlfriend you are with your wife. And then, you can finally code in peace.2 -
*Furiously cracks fingers and starts typing*
When I first tried out mobile app development some weeks ago I found it pretty fun. Now when I have a internship with a company to create a Android app I was kind of excited. Now after just a week I don't think I will come back to Android development again. Android studio eats my RAM and made my computer hang itself, and the thing I despise the most is gradle! AS f**ks with my gradle also so now they are all gone and i'm trying to rewrite them by myself...
*Furiously tries to calm down*10 -
A lot of devs I meet are pretty cool but a handful, including some on here, seem to think the world revolves around them and they deserve to have the ground dusted off in front of them.
That's fucking narcissistic and you need a reality check if you're like that. It's great you're passionate about your knowledge but you're not out here taking down terries and saving children from burning buildings, like calm down with the self righteousness
Just had to get that out after one too many "how dare anyone looketh unto me unless I request it in advance" posts. Like chill out, you're not that special 🙄14 -
Management proposed to work with external freelancers, to "pick up speed so we can release these new designs sooner". We agreed, but of course we (the home team) can't have time to review their work because we need to develop other new features and bugfixes and such...
Weeks later, turns out that their changes are largely incompatible with the work we have been doing on the main branch. We are now rebasing/rewriting huge chunks of their work, probably taking as much time as it would have cost us to develop the design ourselves in the first place.4 -
A nice lil hotel, family style.
People come and go when they want.
Living together in the hotel like a family - for just having people around, someone to talk, learning interesting stuff.
Cooking, baking, maybe some livestock.
Colder weather, somewhere rural.
Tops if there is no internet available and the only news you can get is via radio transmitter, so I can just shut out all the madness of the world.
A nice quiet place with a social atmosphere and friendly people. Calm and soothing.1 -
After drilling yourself with links and resources, documentation and cant execute what you want. You leave it.
Some time later you go back and you are like why the hell didnt I understand this it's so simple :/ and it literally says what to do.
This is when I became a calm developer. Don't rush yourself. If you want to quickly do something. READ dont just look 🙃
Also, don't persist with understand the official docs. The third party explanations will show you flames 80% of the times if you are learning something new.2 -
Do you find it difficult to make new friends in your late 20s? Im talking about situation when you left your hometown, left your university city and started living in a fresh new city while working as a remote dev? Only way to make some would be to get into some hobbies, but for now I just try to kick my anxiety causing addictions (nicotine in particular). Once Im back to my calm state I will get out there, but for now Im just an anxious uninteresting wreck haha. At least Im living with my sister and managed to find a great girlfriend, but in terms of social life I dont have it as much as I wanted. Im in a strange situation where I hate people but at the same time want to connect more with them.11
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Ok people. I got a contract last year with a company, and I was their support for one year, which ended back in February. They still email me for all their problems. I don't know why. They emailed me today, for Christ's sake, on the Saturday of Easter, to tell me that their 3rd party software can't send them emails because the mailserver has that IP on greylist asking me to look into it and find a solution. AS IF I CARE! I'm with my family, taking a break for two days damn it. Panic attack came, my heartbeat rate problem kicked in and now I can't calm down. I'm trying to get into the "I don't give a fuck" mood but I can't, I'm too responsible for that, in the worst dramatic way (the world is gonna end etc).
Piece of advice:
Be very clear next time you come to terms with another company, be precise and don't let them have it their way.9 -
when the client starts asking for so much stupid changes.
Me: Ok sur, I will email you about those changes and the estimate time.
Inside Me: I may look calm, but inside my mind I killed you 5 times with 5 different ways.1 -
When java was facing extinction, during the JavaScript, Node, and reactive programming hype. It did what it had always done. just adapt to the hype and maintain backward compatibility. We can all learn a thing or two from the humble java. It never rushes, it's patient. Be calm and wait before you hype yourself.2
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Today everything went just fine with Windows 10 and Visual Studio. It must be the "calm before the storm"! 🤔2
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!dev
The constant fight between my parents left me traumatized for years. In this lockdown I'm home, for almost after a year, same fight. I was speaking, I was calm. But my body was in a flight reaction, my legs were shivering violently my mind was calm though.
Now they are still fighting, it's as always very abusive, and now I'm just in my bed feeling a bit of just like what I used to feel during my childhood. I thought that things are fine in my family again, we can be reasonable now. We can cultivate good relationships finally but now, I feel the same I as used to do when I was 15, I want to leave. Leave this house. I want to be alone.10 -
Same as when I go gym..
Deep breaths to get calm,
focus mind on clarity & stillness
then visualize, map & draw out exactly what I'm going to do and how I'm gonna go about it.
Finally, execute.2 -
So Earth just completed another revolution around the Sun and people going craaaazy all over the internet. Like calm down bruh :v3
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In-person interview follow up from my phone interview last week. I hope I nail it. Stressing though. Gotta eat, drink water, and calm the hell down.1
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Rant rant rant!
Le me subscribe to website to buy something.
Le register, email arrives immediately.
*please not my password as clear text, please not my password as clear text *
Dear customer your password is: ***
You dense motherfucker, you special bread of idiotic asshole its frigging 2017 and you send your customer password in an email!???
They frigging even have a nice banner in their website stating that they protect their customer with 128bit cryptography (sigh)
Protect me from your brain the size of a dried pea.
Le me calm down, search for a way to delete his profile. Nope no way.
Search for another shop that sells the good, nope.
Try to change my info: nope you can only change your gender...
Get mad, modify the html and send a tampered form: it submits... And fail because of a calculation on my fiscal code.
I wanna die, raise as a zombie find the developers of that website kill them and then discard their heads because not even an hungry zombie would use that brains for something.1 -
Couple of months ago a friend of mine got a new charge in the company as director of software development, he is an awesome person, always helping and trying to hear all opinions, but his wife also works there, she is an absolutely awful person, since the new charge of my friend she feels like the boss trying to control the time of the people, and the ways the things are done in the company, and if you don't agree she warns you about telling to his husband, but my friend just try to calm down the things and get to an agreement in both parts. So I mean, bro you are an excellent boss but you should put limits on your wife, at least in the job.1
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FUCK FUCK FUCK Windows share feature
just fuck it !
and fuck the people who made it!!!44
ok calm mode on
I had to copy a 30 gb file from my computer to my sister's one, and since the largest pendrive I have is 8gb, and I'm just lazy to split the file into parts, I thought it would be a great idea to copy it over LAN. (tldr: it's not)
First attempt:
Right click on file and share it with everyone = fail
Enable network discovery in sharing settings = still fail
Ohh, right, I just forgot it, disable firewall, it usually solves everything = still fail (2)
Google the problem and try every possible solution = still fking fail
Second attempt:
Ok, when last time I had the same problem, I made a homegroup and it worked.
Let's enable it on my Win10 = it's missing
After some googling: "We removed the home group feature from Windows 10, because why not and we would be fired if the change log was empty."
Ok, fuck it.
Third attempt:
Download a portable FTP server.
Enable it.
Create an account.
It works.9 -
Can we collectively as an industry just calm down a little and stop lying to ourselves in a misguided attempt to inflate our sense of purpose...
I just stumbled upon a job listing for a WordPress developer position that described it as "helping solve the big problems of the day". Seriously?! Let's stop and get real you're probably just building themes. Maybe a plugin or two. So just relax and accept you're just another web developer building yet another 💩site you're not solving "the big problems"...
... Then again it IS WordPress...4 -
I've always wanted to post a rant here whenever I get pissed about something at work mostly because of the management and the people I work with. It rarely happenes but if I encounter one, I start to post something and end up changing my mind about not posting it because I'm afraid I am not the only devranter on our team or even other teams that I work with and they might figure out that it was me ranting because of the details I include in the rant. So I try to calm down instead and try to find a way to handle the situation.
Damn I'm never getting my free stress ball here6 -
Took a week of PTO for a vacation because I'm pretty close to spent these days. Planning on getting in some kayaking and fishing I think, maybe some noodling on the guitar or read some Tolkien, as I really need to take a break from the computer and screens in general, and living in the latest COVID epicenter in the US I can do fuck all else.
I'm /really/ trying to force myself to ignore slack and work emails. I did all I could to leave my team prepared, and given that most are juniors who need A LOT of supervision since working remote, I fully anticipate having to fix everything and get shit back on track when I return next week. Telling myself it's inevitable so worrying about it now won't be any better than waiting till next week. LEARN TO READ CODE AND COMMIT HISTORY FUCKERS!
I know I have a full workload slated for the rest of the year and into Q1 21, so I know letting shit go for a little while is the best thing I can do for myself, and so that my family doesn't have to deal with me being a bastard all the damn time.3 -
P.M (calm) : You are not taking ownership of your works as others. You are only just doing it .
Me (concentrating face) : Inside -> I am fucking underpaid for a long and a month delay in salary. What the fuck are you expecting . You are saying this when you are about to give me a rise ?5 -
Fastforwarded a bit, I have LOTR marathon to catch later.. 😋
May your bugs diminish, coworkers grow brains & clients calm the fuck down!!
Happy, better & successful 2018 everyone!!
🍦1 -
I commute to work on bike and it started raining right before the time I usually go home. I decided to wait for the weather to calm a bit. That was 4 hours ago. It's still raining, but it's also getting dark now..8
-
I drank too much last night. I was scared shitless since I really can't deal with hungovers and I am not supposed to drink a lot because of my stomach condition.
Mind you, for me, 8 beers is a lot(drank them in about 2 hours) and went to sleep. I was not all fucked up or anything, i was very lucid and scared of what i was going to deal with.
As i was trying to relax, my psychosis kicked in and I can swear that a little voice told me to calm down, i have been working out like if I was about to fight McGregor and my metabolism is through the roof(which is sometimes alarming) and that I will be good by morning.
Woke up at 11 feeling like a million bucks.4 -
If you just stay calm and focus on building, you'll eventually come across things you've always wanted to learn, but didn't really see the purpose of it, this applied to everything in life.
For example, today was the first time I needed to use generics in my app, this is something I've always wanted to learn but didn't truly understand it. I've read docs and watched videos online, but still didn't see the benefit of learning generics.
However, once I needed it, I realized why it is relevant, and thus created stronger memory muscles.
Let's break this down:
- You learn more if the thing you need has a purpose.
- Information is simply data, once you apply it, information turns to knowledge.
And this my fellow dev friends is what you get paid for, not information, but knowledge.
And what is knowledge? - experience. -
A rant about fucking google!
I search for a page, but my internet is pretty slow (not on wifi), so while waiting I think of somwthing else to search. And now I have 4 tabs open on my phone.
After a little while, I get the following error (see attached image). I get a little frustrated, but I'm a calm person, I decide to solve the (still loading) CAPTCHA and continue browsing.
After a little while, I get an error that my browser (Edge) is not supported and I can't open the CAPTHCA. On other websites, it has always worked just fine, but they want me to switch to their Chrome, to steal my data.
It is quite a clever trick if you think about it. Either that, or I've been hacked and there's a bot on my phone.
6 -
Last few months have been quite calm. Nothing to really rant about. The egocentric asshole PM (see my past rants) left the company, so things have been better at work. I thought that there would be so much chaos because of all the roles that he had (project manager, engineering manager, lead developer, dev ops) but we managed to keep things running smoothly, which shouldn't have been a surprise for me, but I was a bit scared at first. Relieved, because well... the egocentric asshole left, but a bit scared either way. Anyway, everything has been fine. I'm pretty much the lead frontend developer now, even tho there's no official structure or hierarchy, everyone just keeps looking up to me for help and guidance. I've received a good pay raise. Work has been interesting and challenging. All's well.
This all coincided with me deciding to take a little break from devrant, and the lack of ranting material kept me from coming back. I just dropped by to say hello and check how devrant is going. I hope you are all doing well :)3 -
Deliberate and fully conscious procrastination. Distract yourself deliberately every few hours. Do something completely different in your free time and when procrastinating.
Also, take your time, think things through.
When debugging obvious typos and "impossible" causalities that you still not see after reparsing the code the tenths time - calm down, procrastinate a bit, and restart debugging - discarding assumptions and result from the previous tries.7 -
Started a new job at a big firm (previously came from a startup). Both do "scrum". Still have my mind blown because at the new job, we have people join the standup of which NOBODY in the team knows what their role is on the product...
Does this happen often in big corporates?5 -
JAVASCRIPT IS NOT THE SAME AS JAVA!!!!!!
I need to relax, just heard my friend saying he knew someone at Oracle ‘you know the company that owns JavaScript’. I just yelled at him.
Ok now CALM DOWN🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😤😤😤😤1 -
Got a new Mac from work, wanted to do some magazine editing so downloaded Scribus.
I begin to panic because most of the top toolbar icons were not visible. I figured it was bugged.
Okay, calm, it's still vaguely usable with shortcuts and menu. But damn this sucks.
Oh,
They just haven't adapted the program to work with system wide dark theme.
That, that would be why.5 -
!rant
Today is the day, i'll finish up all the contract work that sits on my desk, cash in the money and finish up the free website i made for a befriended gamedev.
I've been sooo angry about other humans over the week but escaping into development and helping the few friendly humans out there is making me calm again.
If anyone of you feels down, grab a tee, clean your desk, take a bath and just start coding silly things, or try to help a mate in need. :-)1 -
Feels so good to make progress on my entity personal project and now I have to somehow calm down for bed ;)2
-
Someone is going to rant about me soon...
There are two types of debugging for me:
- Calm
- Not that calm!!
So the guy I was helping out handed me a stress ball...4 -
!dev
did you ever have a few days of total emotional turmoil and chaos when you were doing weird things, unsure why, and then it resolved in a way which made you feel as if your mind and soul were just reset and pointed in the right direction, and you suddenly felt at peace, knowing what to do, focused, calm and unafraid?8 -
So today i had to visit this banks site to do updation on a document but for some reason the modal dialogue that was supposed to open was not working and i couldn't continue to next step.
On an attempt to contact customer support, i browsed the site for relevant details. As i do that, i observed this site is so shitty that it can't even properly render on Google Chrome! It was an horrific experience finding info in that site.
Finally found the customer support form and as I clicked the "submit" it didn't give any feedback whether it was processing or not. After like over a minute of uncertainty, it got redirected to a 404 page.
Frustrated, I went on to their twitter and I almost tweeted calling out their terrible web developer team.
But, my instinct told me to calm my titties and i tweeted a regular confused user tweet.
Got their attention and few hrs later i got a phone call from someone working there. He didn't sound like a customer service representative from the way he spoke. He told it was an issue with their website and had fixed it. I tried again as he was on the line but it was not working for me. And then i shared screenshot of the issue. He tested it again and said it was working for them. Still not working for me. ( Probably cache issue on my end ). Thought he would suggest to clear cache and try. But he asked me to try on another computer since it was working for him.
As i searched for a another system, i got a call from customer support guy and he said he will do the update on their end and told me to tell details. Since the info was not that sensitive in nature, I went with it.
Pretty sure the other guy i talked to was a developer.
This made me think - had i tweeted out a mean tweet calling out their shitty website it would have been probably awkward talking to him - I'd have to be mean again. It could've ruined his day, maybe he was under pressure from his pm that he had to make the phone call. He probably hates his job already managing that shitty legacy code..
I don't know - either way, I'm glad i was able to keep myself calm and not be a source of negative energy. -
1. Learn to be meticulous.
1. Learn to anticipate and prepare a functionality up to 90% accuracy and coding it in a one shot.
1. Become advanced in SQL.
1. Increase my modularity abstraction awareness.
1. Learn to TDD properly.
1. Don‘t get angry with my kids but explain to them with papa is always right in a Calm voice.
1. Do the same for partner.
1. Train my speed running in case partner wants to bash me.
1. Become advance d in Java.
1. Learn to write a bot.
1. Learn more about servers and hack at least one thing even if its a wifi.
1. Install kali linux.
1. Make myself a custom pc.
1. Ask god (or buddha if god is too busy) to make days longer.
1. Buy a vaporiser ao i can smoke my weed without mixing it to tobacco.
1. Get my license.
1. Start investing.
1......... -
I know I ranted about this before but...
FHEGYOQOBGMLAEBFOEBFKHIOQMBEVCOFARQIJSABUEVEUANGIWN
Dumbass me thought "I know it's fucked up in the past but give it another chance". My google home decided to delete all of my alarms. It will not be getting another chance.
I woke up 3 hours later than expected on a normally smooth day and now I going to be late to class and I'm anything but calm.
I'm about ready to frisbee this shit out my window. -
What's the actual requirements to be called full stack developer? I do front-end, back-end, database, server, my own api's etc. I even have a t-shirt with "Keep calm and hug a printer". I've been doing this for 15 years and would not call me an expert in any part and certainly not privilegied for the full stack title. So what is?
If this was a humblebrag then please shoot me..7 -
When i was a kid i used to rage a lot. Past years i stopped and i became a very calm person. Even if i have to deal with jerks, i just ignore them and don’t get angry. And that’s the reason I can’t write rage stories 😒
-
So my business developer informs me that he couldn't log in to a particular account. He as tried to log in but couldn't. I used my account and logged in fine. Tries with the credentials he gave again and was bounced. After about 15 minutes of wasting my time, I found out was giving me wrong username.
"Check the username again" I said as calm as I could.
Realizes his mistake and
" oh ... Sorry"...
If he only he knew how close I was to exploding... -
My code doesn't work and I don't know why.
I cleared cache, my code doesn't work, and I still don't know why.
I cleared cache, reloaded vagrant, my code doesn't work, and I still don't know why.
I left my desk, got some coffee, checked devRant, refreshed my browser, my code worked, and I still don't know why!
8 -
The low workload week(s) after a big delivery feels so weird, like it's the calm before the storm, instead of the rainbow
-
How to remain calm when you're asked about an "update" of the work, which never was assigned to you in the first place?6
-
"I want us to work organized as kanban!"
"But scrum works fine, we just have to resharpen our work with the process."
Me - completely calm:" it hardly matters, if have shit wrapped in green paper instead of blue paper. It's still shit."
Remember: sometimes all you get is crap, you still have to deal with it, you can't always procrastinate them away, aspecially with organisation changes1 -
The senior iOS dev I was working with in my first job after uni - he showed me so many objc tricks and his self-written libraries to make working with UI stuff in swift more concise, it blew my mind. At the same time, he was very humble and calm, and had a funny humor at times. Also his code and the architecture in an older app we needed to work on was super easy to read and understand. That's why I want to be more like him - and eventually grow a beard :-)2
-
Someone tell me should I just give up because I'm stupid and simple shit escapes me or tell me bro calm the fuck down the guy is full of shit...
Dude says he can't verify 3rd statement in a nested IF - elseif logic because the third check for a false condition is the True condition in the first 2 statements.
So
If (mode) = manual and then
Data(g) /= Status1
Or else Data(g) = Invalid
Then
Do this thing that sounds cool
Elsif
Data(g) = Status1
And then Data(g) /= Invalid
Then
Do something else equally cool
Elsif (mode) /= manual
and then Data(g) /= Invalid
and then Data(g) /= Status1
Then
Do some less cool stuff
end if4 -
We had one group project where we made game. We had like 3 developers, one guy to do some artwork and one to do most of the project management. And at that point in the project I had done most of the work so far (but not because the others didnt do anything, I just had fun coding).
One day said artwork guy managed to accidentily revert 100 of my commits without even opening a single code file. He didn't know git and issued random commands. I wouldn't know how to fuck up a repository like that even if I wanted to. Usually I am rather calm but at that point I was a little bit pissed.4 -
I love listening to music when programming. It's not something I started because I wanted to, but it just kinda happened.
In my first job as an intern, they followed concept of open office, a very shitty strategy as it led to chaos and noise all the time around my desk. To move away from that, bought a pair of Sony headphones, which I still consider as my best investment.
Started listening to songs since they're a better choice in the cacophony of chaos present around. These days, even though I work in a regular and calm environment still can't seem to get rid of the practice of listening to songs.
Anyone here have similar experience??
P.S. Suggest some good songs to listen to while programming!!1 -
Just finished my first microservice project. I'm so happy that I was able to do that hardest thing I ever did. It's just a side project but I think it will do well on my cv as I will be finishing university next year.
Just wanted to share this with you guys as all the rants really helped me to calm down when I was wrecking my head over some weird bugs.4 -
At the office
5 website is down !
Searching for answer ... Noting. Nginx is calm, php is calm, DB to many connections :O but the DB is interne acces only !!!
Internal ddos WTF
Drupal 8 website -> sorry guy i just fucked up and write 8Go of useless log in watchdog table because something went wrong
Actual log : %errormessage %errortime %vardump
Me : damm he fucked up and cannot write some complet log 🤣
Do you know some module to limit this table size and write acces ?2 -
Would someone just tell me how many more times do I need to press the dislike button during the ads not to see Wish and Tik Tok appear ever again?
P. S. Same situation with Headspace, but at least those aren't so annoying because of how calm they sound.2 -
I'm finally going on vacation, which is good, but I already know there will be many stupid people writing me endless private messages about them being banned or their server not working correctly BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN SCRIPTS and they will spam me like they usually do although I WRITE THEM I'm out of the office but they don't care since they don't have other things to do than COMPLAINING ALL DAY.
Geez okay, I got to calm down, I'm on vacation, don't want *that* to ruin my mood.
It was stupid to ban all those people for breaking the rules today though, should have waited another week, so guess this one is on me.1 -
*First time using Vim*
Me - Yay I am excited to open file in vim
- Vim test.py
*Make some edit, I mean Just changing variables name :P*
Me - alright it's done, let's exit from it
Me - wait how I can get out from it?
Google's it
Me - haha alright let's do it again
:q
Didn't Work
Me - hmm why tho?
-Aah I didn't saved it
:wq
-You can't save this existing file
Me - WHY THO?!
me - alright Calm down it's first time
Spamming bot Activated
:q
:wq
:qq
:we
Me - OMG ! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
- fine let's do it last time
:q
*For more options type vim --h
Me - ಠ︵ಠ
*Next day*
Welcome, I am cortana11 -
Whenever there's a crisis I immediately slow down.
Get calm. That has to be step one, as long as it takes. Then (usually) the crisis is actually no big deal and there's a simple solution, but you'll never find that during panic mode.1 -
RIP cisco test....
Teach told us that we're writing an exam of the topic 5.1.4...something, ok, I downloaded the files (packet tracer, PDF). 20 minutes after I realized that I was working on the wrong one, coz it was actually 5.2.something, soooo I fucked up half of the time (a lession is about 40 mins) and when I finally finished I saved the PDF where my answers were given, uploaded it and when I checked it I saw the raw document.
I fucked this up reeaal baad.... I can't even focus on a fucking easy task now, I have to calm down -
Just wasted 3 hours because i was manipulating the context dictionary in django of a different view that i was actually checking.
When you see there is no answer to whatever you search, move back and go for a walk.
This shit drove me nuts.
Now i need my brain to calm down.
Still wondering why my mom thinks i'm a clever guy. -
Not a rant but wanted to get some thoughts from everyone.
I have health problems and unfortunately just had a seizure a few days ago.... Below is directed at my managers. They are nice guys and when I do get back I need them to accommodate although I feel the entire team should be run like this.
Now taking a step back, I see I need to reestablish my way of doing things/mojo. I cannot handle constant chaos and changes. I have to be in a calm, relaxed environment where I can think and enjoy coding: finding and building solutions. That's the summary of how I got into programming and learned to pick things up.
Furthermore, the ideas of the Phoenix Project and what I've shared over the years are actually what I need to be able to perform and excel. Probably the same for everyone and a good way to preempt burnout. It's just in this case, I am the first to go. I cannot be jumping around all the time and need to establish a comfort/expertise zone (but I do and can extend out when given enough time and opportunity).
I'm thinking the EU team probably operates like this, in a calm and orderly environment, less the rare issues.8 -
Coding taught me to be patient, understanding, and accept my mistakes.
Don't blame the computer when things are going wrong; it is just doing that it is being told to do. If you acknowledge that you might be to blame too, sit down and have a calm conversation with it (debugging joke😂), things will be alright. -
To the person in charge of managing my lovely corporate computer, next time you deem timely to install god knows what software in the middle of the afternoon, discreetly burning 50% of my cpu, preventing me from working, don't.
Instead I would cordially encourage you to go fuck yourself with a cactus and ponder on your abyssal incompetence.
With restrained love, -
Today has been a weird day. AWS us-east-1 region has been having huge issues for hours now, with the console and multiple services down or erroring out. My day has been an odd mix of twiddling my thumbs with nothing to do and trying to calm down angry people who are also twiddling their thumbs with nothing to do.
I'm tempted to just log off Slack and leave an auto-reply of "Can't fix it, no workaround, leave me alone" so I can go back to bed.4 -
The pandemic Coronavirus is spreading at a rapid rate. But, we don't need to panic. Panic is more harmful. Stay calm. Stay Indoors.
We can #FightCOVID19.
Let's stay safe and keep others safe.😀
7 -
20 more minutes until I arrive to my parents home. 4 days of calm country zone, 2 small sheets to be done for 2 projects. All in the middle of nature!
-
I launched something and I checked it and checked it and checked it on mobile and desktop. Come to find out, it’s still wrong and it was out there live and broken. I’ve never done this before. I can’t even calm myself down enough to think of a solution because all I feel is impending doom. And it also doesn’t help that I’m running on 4 hours of sleep.
-
Well, the solution works on the co-workers machine. Checked out the same branch on mine and it doesn't work. Tried restarting the computer, and now the application doesn't start at all. On top of that hassle I have to deal with creating tickets for something that in the end took three minutes to fix, just to verify a change in our test environment. That email-communication took all week.
How do you guys keep your calm? Because I'm almost bursting from this, it's so frustrating.3 -
I hate when people say "why do you prefer programming instead of football/sports? " . I like sports but I hate all the super addicted people who fight just because someone said " I don't follow your team".
Is too bad to say that I don't know all the players of a team ? If I say so there will be always someone saying " We know that, you are a fucking nerd.".
Oh well sorry for the angry post. I am more calm now.9 -
Worked on a project form 8AM-12midnight straight and wanted to copy the project somewhere else.
My stupid brain just shift + delated the whole working project.
lmk if it's just me or have any of you also done stupid mistakes like this?
Just so I can calm my bird brain and at least think of another career path.
4 -
My dream project is one which will calm devs' atmosphere, to create a cool interface between a dev and some fucking PMs, dont really need to interact with them at the 'backend'
-
Do you prefer / have quick or calm mornings?
I wake up at 8 am bike 15 min to work at 9 am, do school and personal stuff till 10 am and then start working.
It feels like I just have to take it easy at morning time because I have to also go to school in evenings after work.6 -
Kudos to those of you who can still maintain calm even if 5 different people are whining for your attention to get something done, all 'urgently', all at the same time.
I completely lose my focus and I get cramps.2 -
!rant
OMG fuck yeah!
Today I was workin' on my CSS framework, made a couple of cool functions for generating hsla() colors with a customizable lightness and opacity. Using calc() for multiplying the default lightness by the value passed in parameter to the function.
"It's working perfectly in Chrome and Edge, cool! Now let's check in Firefox, but if it's okay on Edge, I'm pretty confident..."
Except, that's a failure: https://bugzilla.mozilla.org/show_b...
At that point, I started to rant alone. Properly. Like: "why this feature is still not implemented, people are waiting for it since YEARS!! Fuckin' browsers war!!!"
I was already thinking to drop a big angry post on here, when I noticed something : https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US...
So I update Firefox Developer Edition and, IT WORKS!
This feature was needed since years and the FF team brings it just when I need it. What was the chance ? I feel happy :)
Conclusion: sometimes ranting is the easy way. Calm down, try harder and you can find the solution!1 -
I found a good method of testing everything before I add it to the project so rn I’m calm
On the other side of things, Stranger Things S3 is killing me2 -
One of the nice bonus things about having 2+ kids is a father's/mother's day. A day off every month at the day of my choice.
Aahhh, finally a calm day to spend with my fam
Do other countries also have this?6 -
!rant
Rant from my previous work as a consultant Data Engineer (wish I had known this site back then).
During my stay at the place, we have a big client whose contact with us was an incompetent stressful fellow.
I single-handedly build a humongous automated data pipeline using Airflow. I am very proud of my baby as my first massive project and check it obsessively for every possible flaw, especially when writing down documentation for the poor soul that would take my place.
Luckily for me, everything is working as intended, until of course on my last day of work, shit hits the fan, and everything breaks down.
After a moment of initial panic: it was Thursday morning, we had a Machine Learning model to run over the weekend, predictions to make and reports to write and a very lovely next week deadline, I calm down.
"I won't be dealing with this shit anymore, starting from 18:00 PM and anyway Fear Is The Mind Killer."
Quite sure that it couldn't have been my code, I start looking at various logs when the culprit was clear. The B(ig) S(tupid) C(lient) changed the whole schema of the data he was feeding to us.
I call him: he has no idea of what was done to the data. Hell, at first he doesn't seem to remember what the deal with schema, data, and SQL is (the guy was supposed to be a big shot in the IT department). It turns out he hired one of our competitors to do his side of the collection pipeline. He tries to get mad at me, but everything he throws bounces back to him. I am calm yet ruthless pointing out how every major hiccup had been his fault and that I could quickly reach to his board of directors explaining why their Machine Learning model was late.
Result: he apologizes, extends our deadline, and I get a round of applause from other juniors who would have to deal with me had I failed.
Never am I happier to not work as an underpaid cannon fodder apprentice in a shitty consultant firm.
Luckily for me, everything is working as intended, until of course on my last day of work, shit hits the fan, and everything breaks down.
After a moment of initial panic: it was Thursday morning, we had a Machine Learning model to run over the weekend, predictions to make and reports to write and a very lovely next week deadline, I calm down.
"I won't be dealing with this shit anymore, starting from 18:00 PM and anyway Fear Is The Mind Killer."
Quite sure that it couldn't have been my code, I start looking at various logs when the culprit was clear. The B(ig) S(tupid) C(lient) changed the whole schema of the data he was feeding to us.
I call him: he has no idea of what was done to the data. Hell, at first he doesn't seem to remember what the deal with schema, data, and SQL is (the guy was supposed to be a big shot in the IT department). It turns out he hired one of our competitors to do his side of the collection pipeline. He tries to get mad at me, but everything he throws bounces back to him. I am calm yet ruthless pointing out how every major hiccup had been his fault and that I could quickly reach to his board of directors explaining why their Machine Learning model was late.
Result: he apologizes, extends our deadline, and I get a round of applause from other juniors who would have to deal with me had I failed.
Never am I happier to not work as an underpaid cannon fodder apprentice in a shitty consultant firm. -
I missed ranting so much that I have come to a realisation that ranting keeps us waaaaaay calm!
YOLO3 -
Generally have great experience with our management.
I work at a scale-up, so I've had some run-ins with the founder shifting priorities too often in the early days, but he's got enough notion of tech to understand when we're telling about the why(not)s of what we can and can't do
A while back we got a product owner/manager/scrum master and he's great too. I've had times when he put pressure on making deadlines when it was really not helping, but overall great guy with a lot of empathy and respect for his team.
But recently I've been starting to feel like we (the dev team) are getting more and more excluded from the decision-making process of the features & designs that we're going to be working on. We used to have a say in what we felt like was a good idea for a feature or a design, but it feels to me like we don't get asked that question any more of late...
Not sure if I'm imagining it, or overreacting to a logical (possibly positive?) evolution in our development workflow... -
How come calm shit like this keeps me awake? And the moment I take my headset off - eyes close shut?
I don't get it...
https://youtube.com/watch/...1 -
Sooooo I came in to work yesterday and the first thing I see is that our client can't log on to the cms I set up for her a month ago. I go log in with my admin credentials and check the audit logs.
It says the last person to access it was me, the date and time exactly when we first deployed it to production.
One month ago.
I fired a calm email to our project managers (who've yet to even read the client complaint!) to check with ops if the cms production database had been touched by the ops team responsible for the sql servers. Because it was definitely not a code issue, and the audit logs never lie.
Later in the day, the audit log updated itself with additional entries - apparently someone in ops had the foresight to back up the database - but it was still missing a good couple weeks of content, meaning the backup db was not recent.
Fucking idiots. -
Now I have enough of this shit I fucking go grab a chainsaw and cut you into the tiniest pieces possible then pour gasoline on your fucking servers and lit them on fire. How the fuck should I remain calm if there is at least two fucking email I can't send because your fucking piece of shit server gets blacklisted EVERY FUCKING WEEK.
Oh how cool you made ipv6 available to shared plans so outlook servers won't blacklist mails. But guess what, it STILL DOESN'T WORK!!! Not to mention that you automatically modify my existing SPF record and set the shared storage ipv6 address to the main domain which should be pointing to the vps (still working though but have no idea why). I am so fucking fed up with people for today, and it's only just morning. -
One year after planning, ideation, development. We were finally ready to launch our client’s product. Everyone was super excited to finally be done with the project. I was responsible to launch it, on a Monday, overnight.
Launch successful. Everyone is happy.
But then it happened... we got the call.. the application is not working. Our team started working to figure out what may have gone wrong, error logs weren’t useful, Application monitors were calm.
Finally, after a tiresome 24 hours, I logged into the hosting account of our client, and there it was, in big bold letters, “Ram: 512MB”.
Apparently, our client thought it would be best to get a cheaper dedicated server instead of the one we fucking recommended.2 -
What's the difference between the society I work for and some shitty drama-filled telenovela?
Well please tell me because I can't find any. -
So apparently there's a trend in non-educational games teaching kids how to handle real life crisis.
Last week I witnessed a 14 yo girl handling an anxiety attack of a grown ass person and she learned that from Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey - https://devrant.com/rants/6229469/...
Now I hear 12 years ago there was a boy who saved his sister from a moose attack by... taunting - a skill he learned from World of Warcraft: https://nextnature.net/story/2010/...
Anyone has more stories like this?8 -
You just have to fucking love it... Trying to get a pull request merged into our master, but because we *must* use fast-forward-only a single change on the master forces a rebase on my side, and an other complete build which takes some 15 minutes.
And of course the entire dev team is in goddamn overdrive and working their ass off, so here I'm sitting hoping to chance on a 'calm' 15 minute slot on the master without any other merges... Let's try attempt number 5 to merge this sucker. -
Could somebody please help me understand why the fucking hell does JS (I am talking about node.js, so backend) use 32bit integers in setTimeout and setInterval? I mean, I understand most of the choices regarding the language (I have chosen programming languages design and principles for my studies) and I am happily using it for almost 4 years. But I came across an occasion that I had to use big numbers in those functions and it took me a lot of time to figure out why the fuck my code was not working as it was supposed to.
If anyone has a good reason please elaborate. In the meantime I'll go punch some shit to calm down.10 -
Calm down, all of you! I know that a lot of you hate Facebook, whatsapp, Snapchat and Co. And yes, WhatsApp's new status feature complete bullshit and just shows how anti competitive Facebook can be. But who cares? Don't use the feature if you do not like it. Texting didn't change in any way. Ignore the feature. There is probably other software out there that added stuff and you disliked. Did it make you stop using them? Probably not. You just ignored those. Deal with it :D and stop fucking ranting about it. Reading the same shit all over again after waking up. Frustrating as hell!3
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2 seconds after I checked in some work on a web page, co-worker runs to me, freaking out because "This is not how I wanted it to look!" and waving a printed mock-up in my face.
I inherited a shitty, bloated, broken, 10-year-old site with dumbass CSS, but I did my best to work with it. I'm not surprised it's broken, so calm the fuck down and let's talk about what you're seeing and I'll happily fix it. It will be okay! -
Was trying live image of nitrux os during our class break today, chilling out, eating lunch with friends. Out of nowhere THIS fkin retard comes in, looks at screen and shouts in front of d class "yo linux is trash never use linux i used zorin for a week worst fkin experience of my life" and goes away before i cud respond.
My friend signalled me to keep calm as my anger was apparent. Mf I wanted to fkin slam my laptop on dis fucker's sly face and gut d kid. Friend slowly instructs "in time, brethren, in time"
He just asked me for a windows activator. Thinking of sending a bitcoin miner virus.4 -
Way more calm and more concentrate in any problem I face.
Back in the day, before I taught myself how to program. I feel so paranoid and lost with any problem I face. Thanks to programming, now I know that u just need to calm down and focus on problem. break problem down to little tiny piece and solve it one by one. Its funny that it work for me very well. -
I feel the need for a personal AI is real. I mean at this stage of my life I feel replacing humans around/close to me with a strong AI.
The idea is kinda creation of a strong AI but control its learning ability limited to one user.
Pros:
You have someone who understands you completely.
Knows what/how to talk no matter How's your mood.
Could be used to calm down the user even in critical situations.
Besides, if something doesn't workout just fucking tweak the code its yours no matter what the fuck you do with it.
Do I make sense??3 -
How many of you play music?
If you do, what instrument do you play, and does it help you clear your mind/calm down from programming stress?
Just curious.12 -
:D
This one is funny for me because my current team lead and I have a really comical dynamic regarding reviews.
I can't say I've ever really had a bad experience but I brought up one stand up about how he had rejected my PR and that he was probably just going to reject the next one. So now it's this joke if I get a PR through in one review (which is usually).
One time he spiked a ping pong ball towards me in a match and I replied, "Hey whoa man, this isn't a code review calm down!". 😂 -
#justathought
I have realized that my sleepless self is smarter than my usual self . Its like , as my battery goes out, a fuckin monster takes control and tries to rule my brain, scolding my usual self , taunting over smartly and wanting to fuck the hell up everyone who tries to mess with me (nd even some normal friends too)
Whereas my usual self is just meek , defensive and never attacking, sweet listener, calm kind of person with whom people usually mess up or joke about for fun .
I like this aggressive me. Fuck you body health , we are living the life of a sleepless asshole2 -
Fuck yeah !
I have a challenge for once I can't wait 😎
I'm going deeper into the numbers then I ever have before 😎
I do need to calm down I'm visibly shaking ... I did have to much caffeine -
Flutter may be great. I want to learn it, so i decided to make this small app in Flutter.
About 2 hours later, and I STILL HAVENT POSITIONED THESE FUCKING BUTTONS AS I WANT IT.
I calm down a bit, and decide to not give a shit about the position of those buttons.. Moving on to launch an URL when one of them is clicked.
Found sweet few lines of code i could copy/paste. Ans tadaa, didnt fucking work. Fuck. Googles a bit, turns out i forgot that hot reload is not for major changes, my bad.
I decide i want to add a few extra features, so fuck Flutter for now, im going back to Android Studio.
Reading Flutter is great, writing it with no knowledge of Dart is.. what the fuck did i even think.7 -
Last night my subconscious shifts into management monologue mode imagining me and my managers in dialogues discussing all the problems that they're missing using management teens and references to the Phoenix Project, which I reminded I told them to read 4yrs ago in my first discussion after joining the team....
But basically mind was sorta on fire while half asleep?
Woke up this morning, and calm so wondering... Is this the stuff that my dreams are, except usually I don't remember anything.... -
*hot chic from office walks up to me*
Her: hi,are you the computer guy?
Me: heey,that's me..wassup
Her: nothing,you just seem different from the others ..you're so calm under all these deadlines.
Me: sure, when I'm frustrated I go to devrant
Her: where's that?
Me: exactly
Her: you're so funny.
Me: wanna grab lunch
* nothing ever happens how I imagine them..except code*3 -
Friend and me from the university need to write a program to parse Value-Change-Dumps from different files, and merge them together in a new file to easily compare them. This project last for the whole semester. The program was for one of the professors and we need to meet with him and give him an introduction how to use the program (was cli & gui based)
Long story short: enter office, give him the link to git repo. He clones it. Clicks on it and boom. Python error. Some Tkinter Error. OK ok after a few minutes we solved the issue by installing some additional packages and our program starts. But it doesn't work. About 80% of the buttons did nothing. WTF!??
Oh. We used git flow for fun and haven't moved the development branch to master and he cloned outdated code. We need nearly 30 minutes to solve this. 🤔And I'm just happy that this professor was just a calm guy . He was also happy because now he does not need to run multiple instances of GtkWave to compare his simulation results. -
Depends. If the schedule is busy enough, i try to carry on and focus on simpler, low-effort high-reward tasks so i don't stagnate.
If there is nothing getting burned in the oven i just call it the day and go out or relax with some game/show ^_^
I feel like all this "keep calm and carry on" mindset to solves crisis is just the result of bad micro-management of the society as a whole, but maybe i just get filosophical and anarhist when i'm low on motivation 🤔 -
Stupid isp - no internet for more than 13h now. This happens way too often (once or twice a month for a whole day) I’m trying to keep calm and don’t explode in fuckery language but there are people who can’t run their business or really relying on working internet connection. (Unitymedia - stay aware of these fcktards) Wuuusaaa... but I found out that the chrome trex got a nice little party hat.1
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Caving (AKA spelunking/potholing) helped me learn to stay calm under pressure, which made anything devops related much easier to handle.
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I had an interview at a forensics place. I was so nervous the interviewers told me over and over to calm down... It happens automatically to me. I do CBT but it does not help when you are in a room of five people watching you like a hawk5
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In my company we have some awards that are given to people doing some things for customers and doing it good. There are nominations and so on, this year my friend got one for having good relations with customers, being calm and helping them how he can best. Of course there was written something about his calm, helping others, being patitent (...). But nobody from people that he is helping ever saw him screaming like today before he knew that he will be awarded:
“HOW THE FUCK THOSE IDIOTS CAN BREAK THINGS LIKE THAT, THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY”
And he got award for being calm and patient :D4 -
Everything can be fixed, it just requires a methodical and calm approach.
That's what I keep repeating in my head, as I desperately try to fix my mums washing machine before she gets back from holiday.
1 -
So I've worked a bit too hard today, some thing with production being down...
Does anyone have some sort of relax/wind down pattern they don't mind sharing?
My current one is watching youtube the rest of the evening, but I am interested what everyone else does to calm their minds after a long workday4 -
ColdFusion and ZKOSS framework documentation has been my reading for this first week at the new job.
The nervousness and anxiety is starting to settle down but won't be gone for a while I think. I'm excited and eager to start actually working on our product to both prove my worth (after being selected over 40 or so other applicants) and calm the hell down about my competence.1 -
Back in time i was monitoring an asterisk server on a friday night. Usually it's monitoring cli is a calm terminal with infos and periodic notifications. On a random check i saw about a KM length red shit / blue shit. As it turned out my boss was using the password 2500 with the same username on a fucking SIP server and while watching football (heard from the voice logs) some romanian script kiddie's brute force script fucked it up. The journey wasn't stopped here. Next step was to them to foreach some calls with high rates to their own special phone number on about 30-50 lines. The first step was to stop the service but because it is a nice app it wont stop till you have an active call, took about 5 mins to realise it . Had to kill it a few times until it gave up. That was the moment when the 'now they are gonna fire me' feel kicked in. Do not use weakass passwords kids!
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Simulation games like bus/train simulators or e.g. transport fever can be used so easy to just calm down and relax for some time just driving or building an awesome world. The way it should be.
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That I learned Java.
Got lots of work but nothing to be proud of.
Always has to clean up after mediocre fdevelopers. -
One of the most difficult things to cope with in development is to stop, stay calm and think clearly when deadlines are breathing down your neck.4
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"I don't think it's a good idea to do that."
Translation: "Your idea makes the once infinite calm on the planes of my soul, feel a level of rage that will end all living creatures, known or unknown to mankind"
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I have always wanted to be a writer. I just pirated Dan Brown's origin and immediately felt bad. suddenly I got this feeling, if god decides to include all the pirates as sinners and tries to wipe them out like Thanos did I am pretty sure 75% of them would be outta this world (considering even mp3 downloads as piracy). I might need a special therapy to calm myself down if at all I write a book and I find it pirated across the internet.1
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At what point should I feel my skills are strong enough to apply for a junior front end position? I'm going to be getting my bachelor's in May for CS and currently I am pretty familiar with HTML/CSS/JS, understand jQuery and bootstrap, know some basic node/express/Mongo (I know, I'm learning postgres, calm down), and now I'm kind of deep diving into angular.3
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Writing 4 exams this week in math / computer science, I am super nervous. Any tips to stay calm? :)9
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If ur sparring someone, don’t immediately go fucking apeshit. Feel it out and calm down so you don’t absolutely fuck up someone who is a beginner or trying to slowly recover back into it. Now I can’t fucking walk, thanks asshole 😑.1
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People who have seem my rants know am a calm person.. But watch out for what's coming next:
AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH !FUCK YOU STUPID CHEAP PHONE!!
was coming home after tiring college exam, thankfully got my spirits uplifted coz of my crush's message...
So , we were chatting, i was having fun flirting with my little cuteness nd was telling her some tale about how me nd friends were partying some day....
She was so into it and was getting into her naughty mode when suddenly this asshole went off... Had got 15% notification just a second ago, thought "yeah i have some time to connect" but this shit went out from 15 to 1 in a matter of seconds!!!?!, nd that too without notifs.
Fuck man, i lost such a nice moment today X(
(Ps: am using this shit micromax phn just because my old phn is at service center) -
Bloody softlayer sending notifications about expected downtime on "IMS services" (which could mean any of a great number of things), without specifying what it is, what it does or to what services or regions it is related...
Grmbl, what use is there to get a notification about unexpected maintenance if you can't even make out if you'll be affected or not! -
Quite an exciting election in America, got to settle a bit.. So enough with stars & stripes, back to bits & bytes!
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That moment when you are scrolling DevRant and your wife just doesn't shut the f up and your are raging inside but you love her and are as calm as Dalai Lama on the outside.
Yes love, of course (Just let me read !!! wtf!!!) 😂😂😂😂3 -
Big talk to all bros, in a conflict situation, say for example in relationship, sometimes when arguing with significant other, you need to be a bigger person and calm it down when the conflict turns out counterproductive regardless of how much pain you feel or your emotional demands not being met.
As man you have to, no other choice.
A small conflict however are healthy for both to grow the relationship.11 -
Agrrr... I hate to do code review of that shit! I hate to write docs for that shit! I hate to talk to PM! I hate dumb developers!
But there are several things about programming that make me calm and happy. When I'm thinking about one of those things I just sit and smile.
One such a thing is the process of upgrading gcc from sources.
1. Build new gcc with old gcc.
2. Build new gcc again with newly built gcc. Call this build A.
3. Build new gcc once more with build A. Call this build B.
4. Compare that A and B are exactly identical to the last bit.
5. You now have self reproducing compiler.
That is just beautiful and literally gives me chills. -
got to love them assessment tests...
wondering will they figure based on my answers that I'm a psychopath who can burn to ashes their infrastructure ( remotely from other pc ) if they don't play cool
... or imagine after finishing one of those a msg apers on the screen : please remain calm and on spot, a swat team is dispatched to your location... -
Okay you AI Gurus! I am interested in using voice cloning to make characters that sound like me and other people. I don't know anything about how this works, but I did find one company that does it fairly cheap: https://beta.elevenlabs.io/pricing Some guy on r/Skyrim used that company to produce a guard from the game reading a book about the Dragonborn. It sounded really good! https://reddit.com/r/skyrim/...
Are there some other places I should look into? I would like to do voices that sound good, but are kind of generic. I also don't get how you would go about making them react emotionally to a situation. Perhaps I need to create voices that are excited, angry, etc versus calm. -
Pretty amazing that once upon a time in the fast forwarded version of my life I thought the feds were chasing me because I bought and smoked marijuana to keep nerves I didn't understand being shattered calm4
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