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Interviewer: Welcome, Mr X. Thanks for dropping by. We like to keep our interviews informal. And even though I have all the power here, and you are nothing but a cretin, let’s pretend we are going to have fun here.
Mr X: Sure, man, whatever.
I: Let’s start with the technical stuff, shall we? Do you know what a linked list is?
X: (Tells what it is).
I: Great. Can you tell me where linked lists are used?
X:: Sure. In interview questions.
I: What?
X: The only time linked lists come up is in interview questions.
I:: That’s not true. They have lots of real world applications. Like, like…. (fumbles)
X:: Like to implement memory allocation in operating systems. But you don’t sell operating systems, do you?
I:: Well… moving on. Do you know what the Big O notation is?
X: Sure. It’s another thing used only in interviews.
I: What?! Not true at all. What if you want to sort a billion records a minute, like Google has to?
X: But you are not Google, are you? You are hiring me to work with 5 year old PHP code, and most of the tasks will be hacking HTML/CSS. Why don’t you ask me something I will actually be doing?
I: (Getting a bit frustrated) Fine. How would you do FooBar in version X of PHP?
X: I would, er, Google that.
I: And how do you call library ABC in PHP?
X: Google?
I: (shocked) OMG. You mean you don’t remember all the 97 million PHP functions, and have to actually Google stuff? What if the Internet goes down?
X: Does it? We’re in the 1st world, aren’t we?
I: Tut, tut. Kids these days. Anyway,looking at your resume, we need at least 7 years of ReactJS. You don’t have that.
X: That’s great, because React came out last year.
I: Excuses, excuses. Let’s ask some lateral thinking questions. How would you go about finding how many piano tuners there are in San Francisco?
X: 37.
I: What?!
X: 37. I googled before coming here. Also Googled other puzzle questions. You can fit 7,895,345 balls in a Boeing 747. Manholes covers are round because that is the shape that won’t fall in. You ask the guard what the other guard would say. You then take the fox across the bridge first, and eat the chicken. As for how to move Mount Fuji, you tell it a sad story.
I: Ooooooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy. Right, tell me a bit about yourself.
X: Everything is there in the resume.
I: I mean other than that. What sort of a person are you? What are your hobbies?
X: Japanese culture.
I: Interesting. What specifically?
X: Hentai.
I: What’s hentai?
X: It’s an televised art form.
I: Ok. Now, can you give me an example of a time when you were really challenged?
X: Well, just the other day, a few pennies from my pocket fell behind the sofa. Took me an hour to take them out. Boy was it challenging.
I: I meant technical challenge.
X: I once spent 10 hours installing Windows 10 on a Mac.
I: Why did you do that?
X: I had nothing better to do.
I: Why did you decide to apply to us?
X: The voices in my head told me.
I: What?
X: You advertised a job, so I applied.
I: And why do you want to change your job?
X: Money, baby!
I: (shocked)
X: I mean, I am looking for more lateral changes in a fast moving cloud connected social media agile web 2.0 company.
I: Great. That’s the answer we were looking for. What do you feel about constant overtime?
X: I don’t know. What do you feel about overtime pay?
I: What is your biggest weakness?
X: Kryptonite. Also, ice cream.
I: What are your salary expectations?
X: A million dollars a year, three months paid vacation on the beach, stock options, the lot. Failing that, whatever you have.
I: Great. Any questions for me?
X: No.
I: No? You are supposed to ask me a question, to impress me with your knowledge. I’ll ask you one. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
X: Doing your job, minus the stupid questions.
I: Get out. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
All Credit to:
http://pythonforengineers.com/the-p...89 -
Conversation with my Boss
B: Are u a hacker?
M: No
B: We need a hacker?
M: Why?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.
12 -
me: I don't have access to X project
PM: you don't have access to X project?
me: no, I don't have access to X project
PM: don't worry I'll take care of that
2 min. later
PM: so, you were saying ... ?
me: that I don't have access to X project
1 month later
me: I don't have access to X project
PM: you don't have access to X project?10 -
Manager: Does anybody having any money saving ideas?
Dev: By switching our supplier from X to Y we could save $10,000/year and they have much better customer service.
Manager: So? I’m looking more for savings opportunities in the +$100k range. That’s a small idea, I’m looking for *BIG* ideas.
Dev: Do you have any big ideas?
Manager: No, but I really really want to save big money like that. I thought you would have something worthwhile.
Dev: $10,000 still a lot of money
Manager: I guess…. Ok we can do it. But don’t bother me with peanuts like this again.
Dev: ??? You asked me buddy15 -
PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test
*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.11 -
!rant
Boss: Something urgent has come up, can you take care of this.
Me: Okay.... But I am already working on X and it's a critical thing.
Boss: No, X is no longer of priority. You need to now pick up Y.
Me: But I was already........ Never mind. Yeah sure I will start working on Y.
Next day
Boss : What is the update on X?
Me: I was working on Y, also wasn't it de prioritized.
Boss : I think I was very clear when I communicated to you that X is very critical. Also you need to learn to manage your time.
Me: FUCK MY LIFE19 -
When my programmer boyfriend talks about his code, all I say is "That's so cool, babe," because I have no idea what he's even talking about.
He could be telling me he blew up a server.
"That's so cool, babe."
(I love you, though, darling x)9 -
Conversation between some kind of executives on the table next to mine:
A: do you know this app that'll let you hack into any Wi-Fi? You just click here, copy that and paste it here... and I hacked the restaurant's Wi-Fi. **laughs**
B: oh, only X? Bought. Wait... what is this "allow app to access your location"?
A: yeah, click "allow". You should also install a VPN.
B: what? BPN?
A: no, no. VPN. When you use a VPN you have a secure internet connection. You're protected from tracking, hacking and virus.4 -
Manager: I need estimates for your sprint tasks
Me: I've never done any of this before, my estimates have no context and are effectively worthless
Manager: don't worry it's just for the Jira board.
Me: OK *gives estimates*
End of sprint comes...
Manager: Why isn't task X done?
Me: *sigh*
I don't miss my old job :)
3 -
Lead dev walks in:
"Remember what I said about doing dumb shit solutions in languages that no one understands?"
Me: "Yes.....why?"
Him: "That reporting script you did for <x department> needs some modifications and you decided for whatever fucking obscure reason to do it in perl"
Me: "I felt......experimental"
Him: "Well yes, that is cool and all but it needs some modifications as per <X director> and only your dumbass knows perl because you are just too fucking cute aren't ya?"
Me: "You think I am cute??? <insert spongebob blushing meme>"
Him: "I fucking hate it when you write shit in perl"
In my defense, it was a really short fucking script
For clarification: This was a friendly convo even though it doesn't sound like it. He is actually my employee, and a rather close friend, so there is that level of trust and comraderie29 -
Tldr : In my country, there is always a middleman .It is so rare to work for end client directly and it is very common to be fuck over by them, because they want milk you out as much as possible
Job description : Salary range from X to Y
Me : I expect 90% of Y $
HR : if you pass technical examination we can agree on this amount.
*Technical interview*
All correct answers, perfect match with stack etc.
HR calling next day:
HR: Great job on interview, but you need to lower your financial expectation to X (around 50% of Y)
Me: Why? We have spoken the other day and you said there would be no problem with the money. I nailed the interview, I don't understand why I should agree to lower wage.
HR: I know I know, but right now we cannot give more. Maybe later
Me: I am sorry, but I feel kinda cheated. For me this is red flag since I don't know what I can expect later if you are not sincere from the beginning. I won't take your offer, goodbye.9 -
Why the hell do people call smartphones by Apple "iPhones"?! Whenever people call their phones iPhones I start calling my phone by the model number.
Idiots: Oh no! I've lot my iPhone 7s!
Me: Oh no! I've lost my Oppo A37f pink edition!
See, sounds stupid right? Imagine it in everyday life!
-We're packing for camp! You! Take your North Face N638 grey
-Done!
-You, other guy! You will ride your BMX X Black!
See? It does sound stupid!
TL;DR
If you're saying iPhone, you're a fucking idiot. (it's like saying Googling instead of searching the internet)39 -
PM in daily: your turn. what have you done yesterday?
me: so i finished my PR for feature x and now i'm only waiting for review feedback there, so i can close this ticket today if no major rework is required-
PM: this is not what i asked, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.
me: uhh... okay, also i started working on task x
[note: task x, a task per definition involving a large amount of research, was very coarsly defined and it wasn't even clear to the PM what he exactly expects from me, and we agreed that the scope needs to be refined in the process],
so as a first step, i started doing some general investigations to get an overview of the topic and learn about concepts a and b-
PM: again, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.
me: okay well, i have DONE basic research on topic xy and collected information-
PM: this still does not answer my question, what's the deliverable?
me: ...so uhhh.... i read papers? i researched info online and collected and prepared information and links in a presentation which i'm also planning to present to the team-
PM: okay, can you please split your jira task in subtasks so everyone knows exactly what you're working on? otherwise we have no idea what you're doing.
for fuck's sake, shut up. just shut up22 -
Reviewing coworker's code:
Me: I see you're doing a convoluted sort for every element twice to get your two lists in sync... 😐
CoWorker: Yeah. *straight face, no regrets* That's the only way to do this.
Me:... Uh... No? You can just manage one list with a simple struct and then use the the standard sort.
Coworker: Yeah sure I know. But it'll take time. We don't have time.
Me: *aghast* This is embarrassingly bad code!
Coworker: Don't worry, later on I'll use a hashmap for it. But this needs to be pushed now.
Me: *to myself, no you don't need a hashmap*
Okay, you do you but I can't back you on this. It isn't going to take a lot of time to correct it.
Next day.
Coworker: Hey can you review my code again?
Me: You've made the changes already? *in a bored tone, knowing that they wouldn't have changed shit*
Coworker: No this is a different file. Our manager agrees that we can worry about performance later.
Me: Sure. *😀🔨🔨*
Few weeks pass by:
QA: The operation takes absurdly long time to complete even with the smallest data. Ten minutes for X is unacceptable.
Me: Who would've known? ☺️21 -
Everything was going fine in the Interview, then:
Company X's HR: "So if you are selected in both X and Y, which one would you choose 😊?"
Me: 🤔🤔🤔 Long deep thoughts...
HR: "😒 I know your answer is X, But why X 😑?"
Me: Oh.. X! Hmm.. 🤔🤔
Result:
Successfully Rejected
#BeingHonest
Moral:
If you are sitting for X's interview, you have to always choose X with no lag, even if Y= Google.
All well; Ends Well: Placed in Y👍
PS: Here, X, Y and Me are real-life entities.13 -
When the Sales team fucks up something, they point finger at each other for the blame.
When the Dev Team fucks up something, as a Senior Developer I say to my Boss that we fucked it up no matter whose fault it is and we will fix it up by x time.
When the SysAdmin team fucks. The Dev Team is to blame.
Sorry guys, I got a bit frustrated. All our servers wasn't backed up from last week and the SysAdmin guys are saying it's our fault.
What the fuck is going on? fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck...9 -
PineScript is absolute garbage.
It's TradingView's scripting language. It works, but it's worse than any language I have ever seen for shoddy parsing. Its naming conventions are pretty terrible, too:
transparency? no, "transp"
sum? no, cum. seriously. cum(array) is its "cumulative sum."
There are other terrible names, but the parser is what really pisses me off.
1) If you break up a long line for readability (e.g. a chained ternary), each fragment needs to be indented by more than its parent... but never by a multiple of 4 spaces because then it isn't a fragment anymore, but its own statement.
2) line fragments also cannot end in comments because comments are considered to be separate lines.
3) Lambdas can only be global. They're just fancy function declarations. Someone really liked the "blah(x,y,z) =>" syntax
4) blocks to `if`s must be on separate lines, meaning `if (x) y:=z` is illegal. And no, there are no curly braces, only whitespace.
There are plenty more, but the one that really got me furious is:
98) You cannot call `plot()`, `plotshape()`, etc. if they're indented! So if you're using non-trivial logic to optionally plot things like indicators, fuck you.
Whoever wrote this language and/or parser needs to commit seppuku.16 -
Me: So what if this field has no info?
NonDev Manager: There should always be data in that field.
Me: *Shows the field has default set as null*
NonDev Manager: *thinks thinks thinks*, but they are always added...how...if...
Me: I'll default to X behavior.
NonDev Manager: ...Yeah...do that.
I know what should happen but it's so fun to see non-dev's scratch their heads with business logic edge cases that seem nonsensical to them. Yeah I'm a bit of a dick.3 -
Why the fuck do people in my dumbfuck country always answer an English yes or no question with fucking OK.
Learn to read you fucking fucktards.
“Did you do X?”
“OK”
Fucking piece of uncommunicating Cthulhu brained fucks.14 -
!rant source: LinkedIn;
Yesterday I met with a potential client who wanted a website. I gave him a quote of X. He said, do this work for X/2 as I have lots of projects and I can keep you engaged for months.
If it was 2 years ago, I'd have happily accepted his proposal. But in the past 2 years I have learned this lesson hard way. Don't work for clients who don't pay well, because when a developer is not paid enough, the quality of work degrades. Hence the portfolio is degraded and so the future projects are also of low budget.
And before you know it, you will be surrounded by low paying clients who see you as a Skilled Labour.
Today, I don't negotiate, not even a single dollar. To justify my cost I make sure that no stones are left unturned while delivery.
It's better to work for 10 hours a week for 40$/hr then to work 40 hours a week for 10$/hr.3 -
Working in the IT Department is just funny man. Sometimes I wonder if I'm dumb, too smart to answer these dumb questions or these clients are just asking questions they already have answers to that I don't.
Client: Hey, can you please give X access to Y's Dropbox? He gets error saying he doesn't have access to the file.
Me: Uhh, you have to share a link to the specific file you want to share with X. Then only he can access it.
Client: Can you send him the link?
Me: Uhhhh, what link?
Client: The link to the file.
Me: Who created the file you want to share?
Client: My boss did. And he wants me to send the link to X. But I don't have the link so he said to check with IT.
Me (in my mind): WTF!!!!
Me: Ok, ask your boss to share the link to the file he created with you then you can send it to Y. He can also send it to Y directly himself. IT doesn't have and has no idea of what file your boss created. Only your boss knows.
Client: Ok, hold on let me check with him..
Client gets back on the phone.. "he said he deleted the file".
Me: Well, there's no file to share here.
Client: Can you find it?
Me: Call Dropbox.
Client: do you have his number?
Me: Who?
Client: Dropbox..
At this point I started laughing.. 😂😂😂🤣🤣
Me: Dropbox is a company.
Client: Ok, thank you. I'll call Dropbox.
At this point, I'm wondering. If this client thought Dropbox was person, then what did she mean by her initial question? 🤔
Can this be real life? This happened less than an hour ago, and going home now still confused about this whole situation. 😂😂5 -
Customer calls since they got problem x
C: Hey its xyz we got a problem
Me: hey what's it About?
C: <explains problem pretty poorly>
Me: uuuuuh.. I've written it down and look to fix it as soon as possible
C: why? Just TURN OFF the problem
No. This is not how it works. This is not how any of this works.5 -
Initially:
Me: "I'm becoming a web developer"
Extended Family: "You're going to ruin your life"
2 Years Later:
Me: "I just signed contracts with companies X Y and Z"
Extended Family: "Working without a degree will get you nowhere"
Dad: "he's attending X uni and has a y% scholarship"
Extended Family: *no comments*3 -
As a Java developer, reasons to kill other programmers:
- static mutable variables
- WRITING to static mutable variables
- API call with Framework X didn't work. Add Framework Y along with X and try that. Wrap X in try/catch statement. Catch block fires framework Y.
- six, seven, ten levels of nested code. Zero thought put in organization
- 6K LOC Java files
- spring (singleton? Maybe) object assigning values in static mutable (see pt.1)
- a couple of unit tests in code base that no longer work. Zero unit tests in new code
- unit testing disabled in CI pipeline
- empty catch blocks
- pass mutable data between threads. Modify in various places concurrently.3 -
When it comes to users, perception is everything.
The task: Choose x random contractor numbers for us to assign to y jobs.
Me: How many contractors are there?
Mgr: 25
Me: How many jobs need assignment?
Mgr: 25
Me: Does the program need to assign contractors to individual jobs?
Mgr: No, we just need the 25 contractor numbers
Me: Well in that case just use the list I gave you earlier.
Mgr: No, we can't do that. It won't be random
Me: 😑😑😑😑😑
Fix? Return a list of 25 contractor numbers in a slightly different order than the one originally submitted (5 or 6 items moved around)
The manager was pleased.3 -
*job ad* We strongly adhere to TDD
Reality:
Me: yeah but shouldn't we write tests first and then get X finished?
Manager: No takes too much time, we finish X and then we decide if it's worth testing.
5 -
Infinite loop...
Got a story assigned with no requirements listed this sprint. Since I finished the rest already I was like, lets be pro-active and see what it's about during the stand-up.
Me: Hi, I only have story X remaining, what's it about, there are no requirements listed in Jira?
SM: Yeah person Y is going to reach out to you with the reqs.
Me: Ok, when is Y going to reach out?
SM: Y doesn't have time now, will probably be in 2 weeks.
Me: Ok, so why is the story included in this sprint then?
SM: Because they want X implemented this sprint.
(Me wondering if the Scrum Master is familiar with infinite loops, thinking let's try this out)
Me: Ok, if X should be completed, can Y reach out to me with the requirements?
SM: Y doesn't have time now, will probably be in 2 weeks.
Me: Ok, why is the story included in this sprint then?
Stand-up lasted a lil' longer today... Hope the SM got the message not to assign stories without reqs or clear communication anymore.5 -
My god people = shit...
“The *insert website here* isn’t working, I need you to fix it”
- Everything’s good on our end, it’s their end that needs to be checked.
“Why can’t you fix it...!?”
Oh... I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I don’t fucking work for them you cock munch!!
I don’t get paid enough to deal with stupid fucking people. Where the FUCK is your common sense?
I work for “X”, THAT means that if something is wrong with “Y”, I have NO control over it you cock breath having fuck stain.
That’s like ordering tacos from McDonald’s and getting pissed off because they look at your like your mother should have swollowed... NO SHIT!3 -
Iphone 8: no headphones
Iphone x: no home button
Iphone 11: no speakers
Iphone 13: no camera
Iphone 15: no screen
Iphone 16: no phone
8 -
I’m getting fucking tired of having this conversation:
Company “we need x”
Me “ok. In order to deliver x I need y”
Company “we can’t do that”
Me “ok. Then can I have y”
Company “nah ah”
Me “what about Q?”
Company “nope”
Me “okay. Well until you decide to provide me with the resourcing needed, this is getting deprioritized”
Company “wait this needs to be top of mind”
Me “okay. Provide me with y, and I’ll deprioritize other work”
Company “wait we also need that other work”
Me “you’re only getting one. Pick which one you want first”
Company “we’ll get back to you”
Me (muttering) “no you won’t”
Company “what?”
Me “what?”10 -
school takes the creativity out of programming.
you want to try something new?
sorry, can't have that. functionality = priority.
school takes the choice out of programming.
- you're gonna use x language
- with x api
- in x environment
- and make it in x way
- because if you don't, your gonna fail x assignments
- because programming is about getting the job done, with no creativity
yeah fuck you too
school takes the cleverness out of programming
you get a turn left function. it turns a 'turtle' left any amount of degrees that you pass it, you have to make a turn right function to turn right 90 degrees. well, if you thought turning left -90 degrees was a good idea to make a turn right function, then fuck you. you have to turn left three timeswith the default 90 degrees instead because it's more practical/logical.
fuck that.
anyone else hate the movements to get programming into schools?14 -
*Opens devRant*
*sees everybody saying how great Linux is*
*Tries deepin OS*
*Keyboard backlight not working *
*Searches YouTube for a fix*
*Fixes the Backlight*
*Screen resolution set to 800*600 by defualt (monitor 1920*1080)*
*Grub decides there is no need for a windows entry*
*plugs in Windows USB*
*Opens cmd*
*diskpart*
*list disk*
*sel disk 0*
*list vol*
*sel vol 3*
*clean*
*boots into windows*
*Follows a guide to remove grub*
*Learns the lesson*
*Ooh OS X seems nice*
FML23 -
Just got picked up for a project. 20,000+ code base, no comments, no docs, variable names like x, xx, xxx, no function name conventions, and a mishmash of Czech, French and English class names.
I thought this job was too good to be true. #fml4 -
ALWAYS make a backup, or at least save your files every 5 minutes (or turn auto-save on).
You never know whether your parents will click the X button and clicking No in the save confirmation.6 -
At one of my previous companies, there was a guy, let's call him X.
X was the ideal employee.
X used to come to office at 8.
X used to go to sleep in AC office.
X used to wake up at 10 when everyone started coming in.
X used to play Uno and Pokemon Go till 6.
X was a master in Uno and Pokemon Go.
X used to wait till 8 to get free cab facility.
X didn't do one single productive piece of shit whole day.
My boss loved X Because he came early and left late.
My boss didn't give a damn if that person even switched on his laptop or not.
My boss didn't care about productivity.
I didn't come on time and didn't leave on time (I travelled in non-traffic hours)
I slogged my ass off because I really wanted to learn.
My boss scolded me, asked to be like X.
This was the last straw.
I resigned the next day.
I never wanted to be like X. Seeing him daily, motivated me so much.
When I worked, I focussed on it, I didn't keep checking the clock waiting for it to hit 5 pm.
I aimed for productivity, set realistic targets and always achieved them, no matter what.
My boss was an a--hole. I met X and Boss recently. Both are still in the same role, just scraping through.
Felt really good that I worked hard and have achieved something in life ^_^13 -
User: “X service doesn’t work.”
Me: “Are you running it using the instructions I gave you?”
User: “No, let me try… Ah, it works now, thanks!”
🙄7 -
guys my linux is not booting !
reply:
Find a forest, where no human has ever set foot.
Wait until the full moon rises, and then sacrifice x virgins, where x is the month of the year.
Spill their blood on your device, and wrap in parma ham (if your religion forbids you to make contact with ham, replace it with high quality carpaccio. If you're vegan get youreslf a rope).
Then, build an altar to the gnu God, with feet spelling GPL, and a head that like of a gnu.
When this is done, you shall bow down three times to the altar (thirty if you use tabs), place your wrapped bloody system on the altar, and proceed with dancing on Staying Alive, except you will have adapted the lyrics to your system.
When you are done dancing and chanting, you shall lie down in front of the altar, and you shall not gaze upon your system till daybreak.
Then when the sun rises (sorry if you're in the uk, or one of the poles) you will marvel at your system, thanking the ever potent gnu god forever.
The funniest shit I have ever read 🤣 ... had to share3 -
The fuck did you think was going to happen?
User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.
PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?
Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.
I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.
PM: Well that's not what x said.
Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)
PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits. -
- If I buy x amount of ram | hard drive space | cpu power I will never need more.
- No need for version control | Tests. This is a small project
- git commit -m "changes" (its a small change. I will remember why I did it)
- It is too obvious that I put a lot of personal time in this so my boss will definitely notice!
- Why comment this simple method? Anyone should know what it does. Especially me!
- "this should never happen"
- This call can't be from work. Everyone knows I am on vacation.
- I will back up next week. It's not like it is going to crush today.
- It’s 11:30 already? I will work on this for only a half hour more and then I will definitely go to bed!
- This project will take x amount of time!2 -
If you're gonna comment a lot or a little, at least be consistent. I just read some code like this:
//prints "are you ready?"
printf("are you ready?");
//get the value
int findVal(int x) {
/* some fucking complex algorithm with no comments whatsoever that seems to have an error messing everything up */
}10 -
So I once had a job as a C# developer at a company that rewrote its legacy software in .Net after years of running VB3 code - the project had originally started in 1994 and ran on Windows 3.11.
As one of the only two guys in the team that actually knew VB I was eventually put in charge of bug for bug compatibility. Since our software did some financial estimations that were impossible to do without it (because they were not well defined), our clients didn't much care if the results were slightly wrong, as long as they were exactly compatible with the previous version - compatibility proved the results were correct.
This job mostly consisted of finding rounding errors caused by the old VB3 code, but that's not what I'm here to talk about today.
One day, after dealing with many smaller functions, I felt I was ready to finally tackle the most complicated function in our code. This was a beast of a function, called Calc, which was called from everywhere in the code, did a whole bunch of calculations, and returned a single number. It consisted of 500 or so lines of spaghetti.
This function had a very peculiar structure:
Function Calc(...)
...
If SomeVariable Then
...
If Not SomeVariable Then
...
(the most important bit of calculation happened here)
...
End If
...
End If
...
End Function
But for some reason it actually worked. For days I tried to find out what's going on, where the SomeVariable was being changed or how the nesting indentation was actually wrong and didn't match the source, but to no avail. Eventually, though, after many days, I did find the answer.
SomeVariable = 1
Somehow, the makers of VB3 though it would be a good idea for Not X to be calculated as (-1 - X). So if a variable was not a boolean (-1 for True, 0 for False), both X and Not X could be truthy, non-zero values.
And kids these days complain about JavaScript's handling of ==...7 -
Lead dev: Hey boss, you really do like Python right?
Me: No
Lead dev: Well it's cuz I was think....wait what? WTF do you mean no, you have automated a fuckload of BS with Python and we are still using it, why tf would you use Python if you don't like it?
Me: I like it enough for the automation scripts that we have and for parsing documents or generating glue scripts, its already installed in every server that we have, so testing bs in dev and then using them in prod is cake, it doesn't mean I LOVE python, I like it for what we use it.
Lead dev: Well ain't already bash and perl installed as well?
Me: Do you know bash and or perl?
Lead dev: No, don't you?....
Me: No......
L Dev: (using a Jim Carrey impersonation) WELLL ALLRIGTHY THEN! What is the other language that you used for X project?
Me: Clojure, do you remember that one?
* he said paren paren paren paren yes paren i space paren do close paren close paren etc etc
L Dev: (((((((yes (i (do)))))))) and nevermind, I'll get back to working more with Python
Me: das what I fucking thought esse6 -
You Don't post an "X vs Y" article and conclude with "it depends, there is no winner"
We understand it your opinion so just say it, break hearts if you have to. But don't build tension and then leave the audience hanging.
Ps. This is especially for react vs angular vs vue11 -
Today I met a random guy who contacted me through Facebook to teach him some C++.
He wanted to create a small anomalies detection system on x-ray images with OpenCV (for industry purposes).
The guy came from Nigeria, where he studied medicine, but here has to work on two completely unrelated minijobs to survive.
And he still finds energy to keep learning new crazy stuff like C++ (he definitely chose the hard path to learn some programming).
And that's it, there's no moral for this fable, just a short story. Learn whatever you want from it.2 -
Customer: The pages x and y are not displayed in the menu of my website.
Me: I've added another menu level. This level wasn't planned. Your pages will now be displayed.
Customer: Do you think I have too much menu levels?
Me (what I want to say): YES. You have too much of EVERYTHING! Too much menu levels, too much useless pages, too much bad formatting, too much different font colors in one fucking sentence! Your website is crap at all.
Me (what I said): No, it's okay.
I hate customers.2 -
User gives me a Mac to work on, States that it “only needs Microsoft office Mac installed”
Okay.
Boot up the laptop....
**Mac OS X utilities**
Hmmm, odd. Reboot.
**Mac OS X utilities**
You’ve got to be shitting me. Call user —
Her - “NO! It was working when I gave it to you, you fix it. I’m not paying to get my laptop returned broken. It was working when I gave it to you!”
Me - “I’m sorry, but it wasn’t. I literally turned it on and this is what it stated * read her the message*
Her - “I don’t believe you, you did something to my computer.”
YOU FUCK! THE FUCK I DID! YOU LITERALLY JUST HANDED ME THE GOD DAMN THING! Can I PLEASE curb stomp this bitch, please....12 -
"Did you not see (x important announcement) guys?! It was posted very clearly in the group teams channel and everyone was tagged!"
"No, we turned off notifications for that teams channel so didn't see it."
"What?! Why on earth would you turn notifications off, everything posted there is incredibly important! You must turn them back on now!"
Channel history:
- @everyone "HEY GUYS IT'S FRIDAY! Let's celebrate by everyone posting their favourite gif! Go go go!"
- @everyone "Choo choo guys it's the training train! How about we all share our best training experience for a bit of positivity?"
- @everyone "Hi I lost my laptop can anyone help find it"
Yeah... I wonder why...4 -
I hate it when I try and have a discussion with another dev and the conversation devolves into something akin to:
Me: I'm doing a thing in y language! How do I do z using y language?
Dev: WHY ARE YOU USING Y LANGUAGE?! Y LANGUAGE SUCKS AND IF YOU USE IT YOU'RE STUPID. ALL REAL DEVS USE X LANGUAGE.
I just wanted to know how to do something. Maybe I don't want to do it in another language. Maybe I have to use this language for work/study. Maybe I've just been given legacy spaghetti code and can't change the system easily.
Why do people feel the need to do this? And if they want to flame a language why can't they do it constructively?
Dev: If you are trying to do a thing in y language, why don't you try using x language? It offers an easier way for you to complete the task that you want, and it has other amazing features too!
Then you could actually respond with the appropriate response which would be thanks but no thanks because of this reason or thanks i'll check it out.
No need to be so elitist all the time.3 -
[3:18 AM] Me: Heya team, I fixed X, tested it and pushed to production. Lemme know what you think when you wake up.
[6:30 AM] Me: Yo, I just checked X and everything is peachy. Let me know if it works on your end.
[9:14] Colleague A: Whoop! Yeah! Awesome!
[9:15] Boss: Nice.
[9:30] A: X doesn't work for me.
Me: OK, did you do M as I told you.
A: yes
Me: *checks logs and database, finds no trace of M*
Me: A, you sure you did M on production? Send me a sreenshot plz.
A: yeah, I'm sure it's on production.
Me: *opens sreenshot, gets slapped in the face by https://staging.app.xyz*
Me: A, that's staging, you need to test it on production.
A: right, OK.
[10:46] A: works, yeah! Awesome, whoop!
[10:47] Boss: Nice.
Me: Ok! A, thanks for testing...
Me: *... and wasting my time*.
[10:47:23] Boss: Yo, did you fix Y?
Courageous/snarky me: *Hey boss, see, I knew you'd ask this right after I fixed X knowing that I could not have done anything else while troubleshooting A's testing snafu since you said 'Nice' twice. So, yesterday, I cloned myself and put me to work in parallel on Y on order fulfill your unreasonable expectations come morning.*
Real me: No, that's planned for tomorrow. -
Whenever you meet someone who tells you he also knows programming
Me: 'So you said you are in programming, too?'
X: 'Yeah, I know how to program websites..'
Me: '..so I guess PHP and stuff?'
X:'No, I program in HTML and some CCS'4 -
I've decided that whenever a non technical person be it a client or a non technical PM tells me it's easy or tells me it'll take only x hours, I'm going to tell them to either do it themselves, or let me do my estimate calculation. You don't fucking understand one line of what I do yet you can magically calculate the amount of time I'll take on the task? No fucking thank you sir.2
-
Business: we need feature x in two
Days, highly urgent!
Me: fine, here’s a shitty implementation we can live with until you decide how to Actually make this work in the future.
2 days pass...
Me: where’s the content for feature x?
Business: awaiting approval
5 more days pass...
Me: I’m guessing this super urgent request wasn’t needed after all?
Business: it’s still awaiting approval
Me: so... I’ll just go and remove this feature, and revisit when its actually needed.
Business: no, it’s needed now, we are just waiting on approval
Me: 🤷♂️
Duck my life sometimes.
I could have built a full fledged system of this shitty hack job instead in the time taken to approve a useless piece of content.6 -
Client: “I’m sorry I just don’t understand the issue with the contract?
You said logging into Facebook was easy, what’s the issue with feature X (= complex graph API queries based on opinions and sentiment) and displaying images and videos, it’s the same thing!!!”
... no sir, it is NOT2 -
"If you wanted to improve your X skills, then the Y video course is exactly what you need"
No, fuck off with your promoted bullshit, if your course needs this kind of advertisement, then I can already hear your fucking heavy accent and lisp throughout a fucking shitty 360p video. -
Me: Right, its Monday, time for a fresh start. Things have been unbearable, but i've nowhere else to go just yet. I gotta just dig deep, ignore everything bad and just get it done, It's all about positivity right? Lets just ignore the little things and keep moving.
*My morning so far, 2 hours in*
Remote dev: (timezone 5 hours earlier than me) Hey so whats the plan for this quarter?
Me: ... I posted a big detailed plan in the group chat on Friday night so you wouldn't be delayed ... but anyway, lets just move on. I need you to work on A, B and C. A is just copying what Android has already done, for B one of the backend guys working next to you is doing this, he'll be able to help you. C is all documented in the ticket.
Remote dev: cool thanks.
Local dev: So I was just chatting with remote dev ... yeah he told me he has no idea what he's suppose to do.
Me: ..... Ok i'll book a video call with him in the morning. Can't do it right now.
==========
Remote dev: Hey i'm helping the BE team do some testing. I found a bug in Android. Homepage says theres no trips. But Offers screen says there is.
Me: Ok so just to confirm, The "available" offers screen has offers to accept, but the white notification on the homepage saying "You have X offers to accept" is not showing up?
Remote dev: Correct!
*debugging for 5 mins*
Remote dev: actually no, the "accepted" offers tab has offers, but the homepage says there are no upcoming offers to work on.
Me: ..... ok, thats very different ... but sure, let me have a look.
Me: Right so the BE are ... again ... sending down expired offers. Looks like the accepted tab isn't catching it and the homepage is.
Remote dev: Right i'll open a ticket for Android.
Me: ... and BE team.
Remote dev: why?
Me: ... because they once again have timezone issues. This keeps causing issues in random places. BE need to fix this everywhere.
Remote dev: right, i'll chat to them and see if they can fix it.
==========
Product: So this ticket xxxxx is clear right?
Me: eh, kind of, so you want us to add feature X to user type A?
Product: correct.
Me: right but I don't see anywhere talking about the time it will take to build the screen for feature X
Product: What do you mean the screen?
Me: ... well, feature X is only accessible on screen Y ... we would have to change screen Y to support user type A ... you know ... so they can ... use the feature
Product: .... hhhhmmm .... i suppose you are right. Well we can't just add screen Y, we'll have to add W and Z, it won't make sense without them.
Me: ... ok sure, but our estimates put us over for this quarter. I don't think we can just add in 3 screens.
Product: No this is a must have.
Me: Ok so we'll have to drop something else.
Product: hhhmmm, don't think we can ... let me get back to you.
==========
Backend team invited me to a meeting at 6am my time on Friday.
==========
... 2 hours into Monday ... there must be vodka around here somewhere -
> I noticed you have domains that are not used anywhere, do we need to move them? e.g. domain X?
>> no, they aren't used
*migrate servers and working domains*
>> why did domain X stop working?
> que?
5 -
The company I interned at last summer decided to adopt a JS framework a little over a year ago. The managers went with the old Angular 1.x because they didn't want a JS build process. Each page has ~100 script tags on it, and these are manually included in various files (no automated way to include dependencies). None of the CSS/JS files are minified, either.
They really should have chose Angular 2+, or an entirely different framework (React, VueJS). They're also just now upgrading the codebase from PHP 5.6 to PHP 7.2 (5.6 support ended a long time ago, and security support ends this month).
I love the company itself but these practices are poor.
I may be working there full time eventually. I hope to eventually help with the inevitable transition to a newer framework once Angular 1.x is dead since I am an avid user of newer JS technologies. Any tips on convincing manager(s) towards newer technology? (Or at least convincing them to combine+minify these files in production to reduce # of requests and bandwidth.)
Also this company's product has millions of active users.
16 -
I fucking hate "modern" front end. Just a little "hello world" and you already get a useless bundle of js, which is x times then other assets combined.
Not to mention that no fucking setup I tried works, documentation is as accurate and up-to-date as apple maps and all components are basically part of a civil (cock) war.
So far the most frustration aspect in programming I have to endure5 -
Long rant...
*Designer Posted image of newly designed layout for our app on trello.
Dev 1 (me, being the junior, on ios) : so... What's the size for x, Y, z, a, B, C?
She: it's 9 for the small text, 10 for sub title, 12 for main title.
*shows her the design on app
Dev 1: seems too small
She: just make it to look not small.
Dafug?
*finishes the app layout for that screen.
*working on next screen
Dev 1: your new design is for the screen of 1920x1080. But our supported screen size starts from 320 width. So there'll be text overlapping each other and ui might screw up.
She: uh.. Just... Put those that will overlap to the next line.
*shrugs
Dev 1: ok
=======
2 days later
Dev 2 (senior, working on Android)
Dev 2: so... What's the colour for x, Y, z
*Dev 1 laughs on the inside because of the struggles we have with her.
Dev 1 to Dev 2: is it common for her not to follow the design guidelines?
Dev 2: yeah man.. We just have to adapt her design into our app guidelines.
*sigh
Dev 2: there's a new icon here on this screen, so you wanna change the icon? Can I have the icon file?
She: oh.. No.. Use back the old one, because I just copy and paste.
Dev 1: so... This progress bar of yours, doesn't show its background colour, because you filled it already. So what's the background colour if the bar isn't filled?
She : hmm.... Oh.. Well.. Maybe try x.. ? *doesn't look nice* how about Y? *doesn't look nice* how about...
Me : why not you try in your computer first instead of me changing it here by code, it's much faster this way.
*seriously, wth?
Dev 1 and 2: there's additional text in your new design, what is it for?
She : oh.. No no. I copied extra due to copy and paste. Just ignore it.
Dev 1 and 2: what's the spacing gap between x and Y? And how about the size of the box?
She : oh.. I just estimate it, and for the box, not sure either, you can follow old design, because I'm just putting a box there for illustration purpose.
Mother fickle, what fuck man.
Dev 1 and 2: *flips table.
*we didn't, but.. It's freaking annoying.7 -
"Hey, I've noticed that when I run this script, I get an error message. It says it has failed to do step x"
A: "Have you tried running it with sudo"
"Yeah, that works"
B: "NO WAY YOU SHOULD NEVER USE SUDO THAT'S A MAJOR SECURITY RISK, ARE YOU RETARDED RUNNING THINGS WITH SUDO IS EVIL"
"Do you have an alternative solution?"
*trjirp trjirp* 🦗🦗🦗6 -
CR: "Add x here (to y) so it fits our code standards"
> No other Y has an X. None.
CR: "Don't ever use .html_safe"
> ... Can't render html without it. Also, it's already been sanitized, literally by sanitize(), written by the security team.
CR: "Haven't seen the code yet; does X change when resetting the password?"
> The feature doesn't have or reference passwords. It doesn't touch anything even tangentially related to passwords.
> Also: GO READ THE CODE! THAT'S YOUR BLOODY JOB!
CR: "Add an 'expired?' method that returns '!active'?"
> Inactive doesn't mean expired. Yellow doesn't mean sour. There's already an 'is_expired?' method.
CR: "For logging, always use json so we can parse it. Doesn't matter if we can't read it; tools can."
CR: "For logging, never link log entries to user-readable code references; it's a security concern."
CR: "Make sure logging is human-readable and text-searchable and points back to the code."
> Confused asian guy, his hands raised.
CR: "Move this data formatting from the view into the model."
> No. Views are for formatting.
CR: "Use .html() here since you're working with html"
> .html() does not support html. It converts arrays into html.
NONE OF THIS IS USEFUL! WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME IF YOU HAVEN'T EVEN READ MY CODE!?
dfjasklfagjklewrjakfljasdf5 -
Me: Instead of doing X we could do Y, that would be better.
Boss: No, bad idea we keep doing X.
a few months later
Someone external: You could do Y
Boss: That is a great idea. lets do Y.5 -
You know what really grinds my gears?
When a manager writes up some bullshit "this doesn't work".
Then you waste your time following up, and they say, "oh yeah, this so and so pop up came up with validation error X".
YEAH? AND I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WHEN YOU WRITE ABSOLUTELY NO STEPS TO REPRODUCE, JUST COMING TO ME WITH "HEY, X IS BROKEN" GOD JUST GET FUCKING 1% TECHNICALLY LITERATE THATS ALL I ASK FOR I'M SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT2 -
TM: Hey, do you have a moment?
Me: not really, I'm already overtime and have enough work for the whole year.
TM: Yeah, we know. Just a quick meeting to discuss something awkward.
Me: Hmkay.
...
Later that day:
TM: Yeah. To make it quick - we're confused and bit dissatisfied with how project X turned out. The staging server is blazing fast, but the devs machines seem to be extremely slow... Some devs complained.
Me: No wonder. I said from the beginning that the devs shouldn't do X and Y, and that the dev machines need to be redone after staging is done - as we need to gather hands on experience first, cause no one could explain to me what resources the project actually needed.
TM: Oh. I wasn't aware of that.
Me: I guessed so. You were on vacation at the beginning and I didn't had the time to lead another team...
TM: Yeah... So the dev machines get replaced?
Me: They _could_ be replaced, but the devs would need to reset up their environment, as I and won't transfer the environment of the dev user.
TM: Ah... So they would have to retransfer their personal modifications, if they made any?
Me: Yes. As always, the basic setup just provides the necessary services, settings etc. - stuff like remote IDE settings on the machine, configuration etc is left out and we don't transfer it as it is usually too much of a hassle and risky, as every dev does have his / her own preferences, and we don't want to support every possible configuration out there.
TM: Just out of curiosity... Staging was ready like... Last year?
Me: Beginning of December, yes.
TM: Sigh.
Me: The jolly of having a kinder garten full of toys that no kid wants to clean up...
TM: No comment. The kinder garten Kids might make me a Pinata otherwise.
Me: If only they'd fill us with chocolate first instead of just beating us.
...
Tales of lazy devs, to be continued...3 -
So the embassy of X country in X country wanted me to move their website from hover.com - so I checked the particular site.
And it is just an iframe to a wordpress.com website, and they had no idea.9 -
I just completed my first live soldering project...
Converted my son's mobile (dangly plush animals and music not cell phone) from using 4 X C batteries (LR14) to using an AC-DC transformer
I hardwired it at 6v and it worked, and I didn't burn myself, and I cut a little gap for the wire and it's really snug so the solder is under no tension.
I tinned the wires beforehand like I knew what I was doing and for once I didn't fuck it up!
Sorry, just had to tell someone. The wife's asleep and she just won't understand.5 -
Rain monitoring/alert api's/services/websites/apps.
Why the fuck are those fuckers (in my case) nearly always right when I couldn't care less and very fucking wrong when I couldn't care more?
Today, morning before leaving:
Nah mate you're good for the next x minutes (more than enough time for me to bike to the station and get on the train).
Reality: suddenly getting two gallons of water a second on me in the form of rain, arrived completely soaked and headphones broke.
Before biking home from the station;
*its raining hard as hell*
Rain alert/monitoring app/radar thingy: nah mate no worries, no rain last half hour and you're good for another half hour!
Reality: arrived home soaked a-fucking-gain.
So motherfucking annoying and frustrating. And yes, I do have an umbrella and such but I hate carrying that stuff around when 'not needed'.5 -
If you think meetings are bad.
Have a day full of license renewal and price negotiation talks regarding technical products.
It's funny how you can blatantly say: We don't need feature XYZ, we get it for free via BLA.... Yet they still present it in all glory.
Even better when they don't even know their alternative / competition products...
X: "our tool is better".
Me: "We have tool XY. Doesn't cost a penny, does the same, we don't need your tool".
X: "No it doesn't. Look at all the features we have *screen share presentation* with long explanations".
Y: "Yeah... You've certain additional features, but the basics are all present in the tool that we use, so my statement remains the same".
These meetings are really mind boggling insane.
Even more insane when you get the price offers.
The cloud only madness is absurd.
Sure, we move 50 terabyte plus to the cloud from premise, no problem. *🤡*
Not that we haven't told them explicitly that cloud only isn't possible....
The worst: every motherfucking company does it for every stupid single craptastic product...
You cannot even swoop it up in a single meeting... Every company. Every single product.
*booze liberate me from madness and remove the filthy stain of humanity*9 -
Me: junior dev
Assignment: build a REST search service that also does (thing x)
Me: gosh I just can't figure out how to make (thing x) work! Nothing I try works and there are no online resources!
*goes to meeting with client*
Client: (thing x) is impossible in our application, so we are expecting (much more manageable thing)
Me: awesome! I think I can build that
Manager who can't code: what are you talking about, (thing x) is clearly better and it should be possible to do
Manager: *sends email outlining shifted requirements after the meeting, including (thing x)*3 -
Am I really unlucky, or are juniors these days all lazy af and such pampered babies that need hand holding all the time?
So back when I was a junior, when I wanted to learn something new, I would ask for some pointers from my seniors, could be an article, a video or even a book. From there I would look up further knowledge, play with the idea in my machine. If I couldn't understand something, or if I needed a better explanation of something, I would go back to my senior, but it was really rare.
Then comes this modern day, I'm the senior now and I'm in charge of mentoring a bunch of kids, who would treat me like their personal chatgpt. "Hey Junior #0, this is something you may want to read to help your next ticket, let me know if you have difficulty". Next day junior #0 would come back and say "I don't understand, the article mentioned X but I don't know how to do X. Can you show me how to do X?". Bro, no one knows how to do X after being born, just google "how to do X" and it gives you the fucking answer. Why the fuck do you have to circle back to me because of this. Junior #1 would refuse to read any articles longer than 250 words, and require constant 1-1 meetings to give him personal lectures. Dude this is not a class room, grow the fuck up! Junior #3 would write the messiest code possible despite my efforts to introduce tons of resources, then complain "why I'm still junior, how do I grow". Bro maybe if you learned half of what I sent you, you would have gotten promote by now. Fucking lazy kids these days!
Oh I can't fire these juniors. Top management was very clear that "we don't have budget to hire other devs for you, it's your responsibility to train them better".21 -
See, static typing? that shit is for putos. You think you're so cool with your advanced intellisense being able to tell you "yo....dat shit ain't the type you think it is" or your compiler telling you "yo dumbass, you fucked this parameter up in here, you are doing <x> when in reality you should be doing #@$@#$@!<X at line !@#@#$#>"
pfffft static typing. Such a pansy ass thing to worry about.
Picture us, working outside of the safety net of static typing, as jungle explorers, walking slowly, with a machete in hand and our other hand clutched tightly at our hip pistol, not knowing what to shoot at, but eagerly prepared for when shit fucks up because whatever the fuck you did was not properly safeguarded by a compiler to tell you that you fucked up, even if the compiler message is unintelligible (looking at you C and C++)
We is men here, we is brave retarded adventurers.
As our sanity blips into oblivion and we look at our code that has no sort of type checking expecting our shitty intellisense extensions to protect us....
Edit: if you can't understand the sarcasm in here and the plea for sanity then you are obviously a retard and have no place in the world of development21 -
Hiring process is fucking broken ok?
We all do have something else to do, nobody wants to do "homework" for 4 fucking hours. Which let's be real, isn't 4 hours. It's always more. I try to squeeze it in a least amount of time which means mistakes will be made. I always try to show my knowledge of the language and it's features. But, you didn't do X. That's it, that is a no from us.
Dude, I just wrote a high production grade small project with 90%+ test coverage and you are telling me that those 2 small shit I made is a big deal? Fuck off
Most companies I worked with have a code full of shit and here I present to you, with a poetry and it's a no because of X?
My bet is that if I ever started to work there I would find a code that isn't tested and is in shit state
\rant4 -
A programmer heads out to the store. His wife says "while you're out, get some milk."
He never came home.
The poor guy is stuck causing serious problems at a grocery store somewhere.
BREAKING NEWS: Man stuck in 'while' loop crashes global milk market. Will authorities resort to ctrl-x? This story, and more, at 7:00.
UPDATE: keyboard interrupts proving ineffective, authorities discussing resorting to kill -9
Aaaand he's broke.
And he has ALL the milk.
Should read as "return home"
Unfortunately, she gave no instructions for terminating the loop.3 -
Our story start like this.
Boss: Hey programmer A, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?
Programmer A: I suggest not implement {feature X} because {negative impact of feature X}
Boss: Ok
Boss asks Programmer B.
Boss: Hey programmer B, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?
Programmer B: Of course, no problem
Programmer B asks Programmer A.
Programmer B: Hey Programmer A, Do you know how to implement {feature X} on this application? I have no idea.
Programmer A: WHAT!!! do you know that {feature X}, Will negatively impact our application?
Programmer B: Well that's our boss want, I can't say no.
Programmer A: (F**k I hate this guy)4 -
We needed a design for our Android and iOS App, everything should be done by an award-winning design agency. What we received was only a design for iPhone X. Only mockups as PDF, no icons, nothing. So we requested the Android design and an iPhone 8 one including icons, color codes and whatnot.
1 FUCKING MONTH LATER we got the new designs... They are all the FUCKING SAME DESIGN where some mockups were "displayed" on an android phone, and some on an iPhone. Still no icons though.
3 weeks pass and we geht FUCKING sketch files, to extract the shit ourselves. Thank you for nothing.
It took again nearly 3 month to get a "proper" Android design and all the assets. You could clearly see, that they never did anything for Android but well, we had to work with it. Award-winning design agancy my ass.5 -
Devs : Lets pick library X, it is well know piece of open source technology, actively maintained by community for over 10 years.
Architect : NAH, it is an overkill to use it in our project , lets build our own solution.
*2 Months later*
The code base is hundreds of thousands lines of code, we basically started to look at library X on GitHub to copy features or get inspiration from that code. In that time we delivered 0 business value, it is horrible to use it and we constantly adding something or bugfixing because no one thought about something in first place.1 -
[9:10]
CTO (works as a team lead): You here?
Me: Yes 👍
CTO: After doing X, Y and Z I broke X. That should not happen. You do understand, that this is not a good UX?
Me (asked CTO X amount of times to hire a a good designer, because I’m not): Well, we made the backend receive Y when X is triggered so B can be passed. I can tell the user to do Y in order to do Z.
CTO: NO, you will not. Do what I’ve said.
DUDE WTF? YOU FUCKING 🐎 I WILL BLOW YOU BRAINS WITH MY MORNING NAUSEA AND DIARRHOEA. FUCKING DIPSHIT ALLOWS HIS BAD MOOD AFFECT OTHER EMPLOYEES. HOW THE FUCK YOURE A CTO.
IM NOT GOING TO REWRITE THE CENTER PIECE OF OUR APPLICATION IN A DAY, WHICH TOOK US MONTHS TO MAKE. FUCK OFF
Monday, hurray 🥳 -
IT Head: Hey, can you check out why application X isn't working? I've already restarted it and it isn't working anymore.
Me: sure.
Me 20 mins later: hey, looks like it is all good, website is normal, server resources are normal, etc...
IT Head: no no, the windows sync app isn't working.
Me inside: are you fucking kidding me you piece of stupid shit? Quit IT for good and die.3 -
I have this project I've inherited, yea I seem to do that a lot, but this damn thing, has to run in php5.4, has deprecated functions for php7 everywhere and a lot of them and there's no classes anywhere beyond some libraries.
Everything is procedural with random scripts being injected left right and center.
I kid you not,
$thisThing = true;
If(x==y)
require "path/to/some/script.php";
else
require "path/to/a/slightly/different/script.php";
If($thisThing === false){
// well it was modified in that small block about 10 different times
}
Those injected scripts then accept data from the parent scope so, looking at file X, you need to have open file A,B, E, and M to understand where variables have been initialised and what there current state could potentially be.
Basically this thing was bandaid after bandaid for feature requests with 0 refactoring.
Here I am trying to implement some basic functionality (should only take an hour or so + a bit of manual testing) but no, I'm literally at the point of hitting the delete button on the entire project and starting again.18 -
Got so many. (remember where I am from? 😁) Gonna share my favorite first.
X : I want a web app that my staffs can use and update data from different branches.
Me : Ok I can development such project.
X : But I want them it offline so they can use the app even with slow internet or no internet.
Me : 💀
// The data are shared across the branches BTW.5 -
"how did you make that app?"
"nice website, how'd you make it?"
"I thought only geniuses could make x? how'd you make x?"
maybe because I put in half a fucking ounce of effort into making it. please kindly shut the fuck up and realize that I don't care enough to tell you how I did it, because it would take more fucking effort to tell you than to walk away (surprise?). no I will not take your idea in consideration. why? because it's not worth fucking considering. go fuck yourself. and don't ask me the same thing tomorrow you cunt.6 -
I got a bug report with a typo in it. The subject read "...action X takes long time thank expected."
The thank is supposed to be "than".
I chuckled and immediately created a snapshot that shows the result of the action and the success message says, "Action successful, thank you for your patience."
I shared it with my team but no one even acknowledged it. 😞2 -
~2 years ago:
Me: Managed to figure out how to port that library. Just need designs and then we can build feature X. I've tested it in ugly developer-y screens. It works fully
Boss: Thats awesome, saw the video, looks great. This is a really important feature, thanks for looking into this
~1.5 years ago:
Me: Ok i've started working on the designs, just FYI we don't have designs for feature X
Boss: Ok, must have slipped, noted
~1 year ago:
Me: I've seen more posts about users wanting apps with features X in it. Still don't have designs, we working on that?
Boss: I'll check with design
~3 Months ago:
Boss: Ok were going to have to get serious about pulling features out and reducing MVP so we can get this out there. I think feature A, D, Y and X have to be dropped for v1. Theres too much left to do on them
Me: sure
~1 week ago:
Boss: We need to start getting ready for xxxxx. Can you do me a favour and start writing up some developer docs etc, kind of like this one we did for this other project
This morning opening my emails from last night:
Boss: I've reviewed the doc, looks good, only minor things need tweaking. Let me ask you something though, you said feature X was pulled out and its "pending design work". Its not only pending design work is it? Is it that far along?
==========
What I actually replied:
Yes ... i've sent you videos of it functional in the past, and discussed this ... more than once. Just design ... and some testing of the new designs obviously
==========
What that meant:
Yes. May god have mercy on your soul if you reply anything even remotely close to "oh I had no idea, lets revisit adding this to v1". I will not be held accountable for my actions1 -
Manager 1: "We're going to hold a small meeting because of a new project."
Me: "Okay, cool. What project is it about?"
Manager 1: "Project X".
ME: "Right. What's the domain name?"
Manager 2: "Well there's this design but it's entirely made up. Just a concept."
Manager 1: "Wait, there's no more toner."
Manager 1 and 2 take 20 minutes to fix the printer, so manager 1 can print out an e-mail. They both return to their seats. No meeting happens. I roll a smoke and go outside to flip through LinkedIn for the nth time this week.3 -
So ive been messing around with my Google Home.. because having a voice activated weather station is cool and all, but as a developer it needs to be useful no?... and Raspberry Pi, cause you know, we cool kids have those sitting around doing nothing useful.
But back on track, getting these two to actually work together, and that almighty moment you can say "Hey Google, Deploy Project -X- to the Pi" and the Rpi just kicks into gear and pulls down the latest master branch from Gitlab for the correct project is mind boggling.
No more ssh + sudo git pull !!!
Disclaimer: i didn't pay for that Google Home, but its in my house, listening to my TV, so i may as well use the damn thing.1 -
Me and my manager throughout 2020
January:
Me: So umm, we can release the new app version
Manager: No we promised client X app first go build that
Me: umm, ok.
February:
Me: so the app is done, but client hasn't setup area L so there is no data there
Manager: ok, I'll have them setup area L soon ™️
March:
Manager: area L is too much work to setup, use workaround L thats way better
Me: ok ...
April:
Manager: client is nitpicking on design and layout please make this mess even greater
Me: ok, anything else?
Manager: yeah also start on app for client Z!
Me: and our app update?
Manager: later son! Risk tooo muchos!
May:
Me: the mess for client X is done, and first version for client Z is also ready for test
Manager: ok good work, here is a new set of things to mess up
Me: but... Seriously, wtf?!
Manager: clients want quality
Me: ah ok, not nitpicking, cool
June:
Manager: client X went MIA, but client Z will send you a weekly list of things they don't understand and want to change
Me: ah great, truly worth postponing my February holiday to release nothing
July:
Manager: so, how we doing on all them changes
Me: well, I am a loyal custodian with alot of pleasure in my work!
Manager: ah ok good!
Me: any news from client X??
Manager: who
Me: mkay ... n.v.m
August:
Me: can we release yet?
Manager: change, we can!!!
Me: are you Obama?
Manager: ambitions
Me: fuck you pay me
September:
Me: I am confident we can now release all 3 apps as promised mid september
Manager: great!! Good work
Also manager: you know that immensely complex area within the app? That needs a complete rewrite because we have bad ux there!!!
Me: ok... To which requirements?
Manager: good ux, we must have standards
Me: but the layout of page R id generic as page F so then we need to align there as well
Manager: go! Do!
Me: ok I'll come up with my own requirements then
Manager: we also need documentation
Me: really!!!! How clever of you to fire colleagues T & P and we now have zero workforce for that
Manager: things will get better someday
Me: ah, great! Put it on my calendar
October:
Me: I need a sabbatical biatch
Manager: a what?4 -
how often does it happen that you have to prevent terrible architectural decisions from being made, because people who are in charge but obviously have no clue, make really weird suggestions and are really confident that this is a good idea?
PM: so please analyze functionalities X with dev Y, since module Y that dev Y develops shall provide these functionalities.
me: as i said yesterday, module Y will use my module X and shouldn't care about how this is going to be implemented.
PM: yeah, but module Y shall be able to... (lists some functionalities)
me: yes, that's what i'm currently working on in module X. my current state of the API can be used in a way that... (lists different low level functions and how a combination of them can be used to provide these functionalities)
PM: okay, hmm... i just realize that module Y will actually be a user of module X...
well.... yeah?!!
i always thought that was crystal clear?? 🤦♀️10 -
X: Hi, regarding that ticket that you made...
You said "Implement logging to find out the culprit in site generation"...
What do you mean exactly?
Me: "Read the meeting notes, we had a full discussion on this 2 weeks ago".
X: "We don't understand it..."
Me: "As I said before, I have no experience in this tech stack... I'd expect bla to have a logging framework and I'd - for easier recognition - implement additional logging levels based on criteria <me just reading the meeting notes>"
X: But how do we do it?
...
I wish I had invented this discussion.
Because it hurts.
For the jolly of it, I had similar discussions today.
Three times to be exactly.
As I asked some dev what I should do next, put a foley catheter up his urethra or change the bed pan he wasn't amused.
Guess I'll get monday a call of HR.
So Monday I have less work to do, which is awesome.5 -
Many people were hired to work on new product, but no one have told them that for one or two quarters they will have to maintain 20 years old project. I was ranting about this, but in the end accepted my fate, wiped tears with money and moved on. However one of devs took another path. When he was asked to work with .aspx and jquery 1.X instead of react, he just said : "Not going to happen" and left the building.5
-
How can some developers send emails like "I did <x> and <y> right, but I still have an error!" with NO copy/paste of the error? Come on, you hate user emails that just say "Your site doesn't work." You should know better.
I'm going to just start answering with "Wow, that sucks, and you did everything right, huh? It must just hate you." I shouldn't have to go force you to tell me what the problem actually is at that basic level.
I used to think this was a user thing. We wouldn't do that... hah, lost user, oh well, that's why we're helping them. Apparently it's not.6 -
I DID IT!!! just fucking installed lineage os <3 never imagined that it could be so complicated... they really don't want you to flash your phone man. I guess the main problem was that my phone is old x)
So I'm trying to get a clean and free environment, any advice about applications? My biggest problem is with telegram, I'll try wire, bit there is anything else that can replace telegram and on android and Linux? I mean I need to keep conversations sync, and I won't use a Chrome application TT so no signal.41 -
Best of both Worlds: Android on Phone, OS X for working. In my opinion everyone should use what he/she likes best. So no offense to anyone :) btw: I know that the Android Sticker doesn't look 100% like the original one.. it's all about the message behind it :)
2 -
Swear to god, I'm worse than a cat.. my fascination & curiosity will get me killed someday.. o.O
12:19 - Magnitude 6,4 earthquake 3 km from Petrinja, Croatia..
Felt it in Ljubljana..and my stupid ass was fascinated.. :/
Yup, you read it right, not scared or whatever the hell should people feel when earthquake happens..just fascinated..and curios...and in full analysis mode..
Oh tremors?! Yup, something's definitely shaking.. Eartquake? Yup, earthquake! Woow, huge earthquake.. Where is epicenter?! Also long one.. nice, never felt it like this before.. hm.. x, should we go out? How?! I know an elevator is a no go, stairs also do not look promising..better stay in I guess.. hm..still going...feels weird.. Ok, look for shelter I guess.. wow..that's a long one.. ok, doorways should be safe-ish?! Where's x? He went silent..go check up on x.. x is fine, he's not stupid like me, and unlike me also has preservation instinct to not stand under the doorway that has glass components in it.. DumbAss.. Shaking stops... Well that was weird..also I didn't have time to analyze everything..or record it! Stoopid! How did I not think of this before?! Recording would be awesome!! shame..
I know panic doesn't help anyone, but FFS, sometimes I do wish my head would panic at least for a second instead of trying to analyze everything..
I mean, WTF is wrong with me?! Most people would be scared, I just estimated that it's not that dangerous for us and no use/not smart to try to go out of the building so I just took shelter (not a good one, I know now for next time?! o.O what next time?!idiot!!) and started observing.. DumbAss.. :/10 -
Just over heard, Dev A was reviewing another team's code ...
Senior Dev A: "I don't understand this teams code. I hate WebAPI. Wish we could use X."
Senior Dev B: "Why can't we use X?"
Senior Dev A: "It's frowned upon."
Senior Dev B: "By whom?"
- couple of seconds of silence -
Senior Dev A: "X is not a Microsoft technology"
- few more seconds of awkward silence -
Senior Dev A: "X is magnitudes slower than WebAPI anyway."
Senior Dev C: "What? How much slower?"
- caught off guard..didn't know Senior Dev C didn't have his headphones on -
Senior Dev A: "Um...I don't know, that is what you told me."
Senior Dev C: "I never said that. I've never used X. I prefer WebAPI anyway, but both WebAPI and X use REST based protocols, I doubt X is magnitudes slower. Actually, I think you told me WebAPI was slower."
Senior Dev A: "Different paradigm."
- second or two of silence -
Senior Dev B: "What?"
Senior Dev A: "Hey, did you see on twitter ..."
Have no idea where he thought that conversation was going. Maybe he was hoping the other devs would dog-pile/attack the code. Pretty funny it backfired. His face when Dev C said 'I never said that' was priceless. Like "Oh -bleep- ..how do I lie out of this one? ...quick, distract with random words or a twitter post" -
I had my last day today, after signing an severance package deal some weeks ago. It has been eight long years in this news media company as a sole web developer.
Leaving it behind feels awesome.
There was cake. There was a greeting written with a marker on the cardboard box the cake was delivered in. There were no speeches.
But my by now X coworkers seemed happy to get cake.
I am so excited to start fresh next year as a developer in a small design firm where there is a lot of care and love and nerdiness.1 -
@JoshBent and @nikola1402 requested a tutorial for installing i3wm in a windows subsystem for linux. Here it is. I have to say though, I'm no expert in windows nor linux, and all I'm going to put here is the result of duckduck searches, reddit and documentation. As you will see, it isn't very difficult.
First things first: Install WSL. It's easy and there's a ton of good tutorials on this. I think I used this one: https://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/...
Once you got it installed, I guess it would be better to run "sudo apt-get update" to make sure we don't encounter many problems.
Install a windows X server: X is what handles the graphical interface in linux, and it works with the client/server paradigm. So what we'll do with this is provide the linux client we want to use (in this case i3wm) with an X server for it on windows. I guess any X server will do the work, but I highly recommend vcXsrv. You can download it here:
https://sourceforge.net/projects/...
for i3 just "sudo apt-get install i3"
Configurations to make stuff work:
open your ~/.bashrc file ("nano ~/.bashrc" vim is cool too). You'll have to add the following lines to the end of it:
"""
export DISPLAY=:0.0 #This display variable points to the windows X server for our linux clients to use it.
export XDG_RUNTIME_DIR=$HOME/xdg #This is a temporary directory X will use
export RUNLEVEL=3
sudo mkdir /var/run/dbus #part of the dbus fix
sudo dbus-daemon --config-file=/usr/share/dbus-1/system.conf #part of the dbus fix
"""
Ok so after this we'll have a functional x client/server configuration. You'll just have to install your desktop enviroment of choice. I only installed i3wm, but I've seen unity and xfce working on the WSL too. There are still some files that X will miss though.
*** Here we'll add some files X would miss and :
With "nano ~/.xinitrc" edit the xinitrc to your liking. I only added this:
"""
#!/usr/bin/env bash
exec i3
"""
Then run "sudo chmod +x ~/.xinitrc" to make it an excecutable.
Then, to make a linking file named xsession, run:
"ln -s ~/.xinitrc ~/.xsession"
Now you'll be able to run whatever you put in ~/.xinirc with:
"dbus-launch --exit-with-session ~/.xsession"
There's a ton of personalisation to be done, but that would be a whole new tutorial. I'll just share a github repo with my dotfiles so you can see them here:
https://github.com/DanielVZ96/...
SHIT I ALMOST FORGOT:
Everytime you open any graphical interface you'll need to have the x server running. With vcXsrv, you can use X launch. Choose the options with no othe programs running on the X server. I recommend using "one window without title bar".10 -
A fight story (separation of concern) : work vs life
IT Director (IT'D) forwarded a client message (false detection) to my whatsapp (personal number). I am sitting next to his cabin.
After an hour,
ITD : what was the issue with the client x?
Me : (proved false detection),
ITD : did you emailed client?
Me : no, don't send me these in WhatsApp, if any issues, email me since I won't check whatsapp and there is no guarantee that I will reply you back.
ITD : why, don't be negative. Either you have to or me have to do it.
Me : Tell them to email.
ITD : That is not right.
Me : I don't care if you provide support via WhatsApp. But I don't. Unless you provide a separate mobile and connection.
End of story.3 -
Applying for jobs
Apply for anything that looks like I have any kind of shot
Get reply from one company
"Hi. What is your salary expectation?"
"x"
Nothing for 6 days
Reach out again "Hi. I'm guessing you've gone with someone else as I've heard nothing back"
"No your salary expectation was a bit high"
"Okay well, what are you offering"
"47% of X as this is a junior position"
Like...
Firstly, X is what I was making at my last job
Secondly, you can see how much experience I have. You know I'm gonna be asking for 2-3 year money not intern money.
Thirdly, all they had to do after my first email was reply with "That's bit much, here's what we can offer, are you still interested?"
So yea, in general, I hate the salary expectation question. I don't want to sell myself short but I'm also currently in the take what I get position. So if you ask me, I'm gonna tell you what I was last making. I think that was a reasonable number and I know everyone has been hit by the pandemic so I'm not asking for more.
Just advertise jobs with a damn salary range.
You know which jobs do have a salary range? The senior positions. You know who does know how to negotiate? Seniors15 -
Versioning that raises no questions for most of the world. The majority can't be wrong, eh?
1.0
2.0
2.1
3.0
3.1
3.2
95
98
2000
1000 (M)
10 (X)
5 (V)
7
8
8.1
10
1110 -
New rule for coworkers: Stupid questions get stupid answers.
"What does this deactivate button do?" It deactivates the object. //They wrote the functionality.
"What does x do?" RTFM. Did you check the file with common questions and answers? No? Do that.
Sigh1 -
Routing and analysis of http behaviour with wireshark makes so much joy and fun.
Wanna get even more fun?
Add DNS. Add loadbalancers.
Loadbalancers?
Hell Yeah!
VLAN X has it's own router and domain overrides to give a service a seperate IP pointing to a loadbalancer inside the VLAN X.
loadbalancer in VLAN X then has additional routes to point to loadbalancer in VLAN Y.
Which might then point to the service in VLAN Y or... point to another loadbalancer in VLAN Z.
I'm always amazed what a human mind can create....
If you think that's insane, then add HTTP keepalive and persistent connections.
I just love people who have no idea what they're doing but are able to create a clusterfuck of brainfuck....
11 -
Don't trust people. Especially if they say: "No Problem, I'll invest enough time to make x happen"
But in general. Don't trust people until you know them very well. -
I find many of the peculiarities about our kind (developer) to be amusing.
Here is one I have seen too many times to count...
You ask a group of developer something like...
“We have a project built using X, Y and Z. We are looking at integrating the “example framework” to solve a specific problem. Do you have any experience with “example framework” or would you suggest another framework?”
Inevitably you get the same useless response of “Why are you using X, Y, and Z. It’s so <insert generic complaint here>!” Followed with no actual attempt to answer the question asked...
Listen, I know some of us a socially awkward (I can be) and I know we like to debate and argue.
But, if someone asks you a specific technical question about an existing product, either...
1. Answer the question with your experience
2. Declare that you do not have experience with it
3. Shut your fucking childish mouth
No one cares about how you feel about the size of the underlying technology in existing products! What do you expect?
“OMG, we didn’t realize X technology as 100mb large! Hold on while we go and reengineer our entire product base because of this fucking revelation you just told us!”
You may want to hear your own voice but the rest of us would prefer it if you would shut your mouth if you have nothing useful to add.
(Reads as: we would prefer is you fucked right off!)3 -
Clients that ask you to build X and then when you ask about said details to know everything up front, you get a deer in the headlights look.
I get it, not knowing right away is fine, but 5-6 months later and still "not knowing", being absolutely lazy with no responses to questions or just dumping the work to me to figure out from whatever source material you got it from and force me to crunch to save your ass isn't fun for me and I really don't give a shit about how much praise you give me publicly for the job I did.1 -
X : Do you accept space for username at sign up?
Me : Nope, no space. Username shouldn't have space.
X : Lots of people have trouble at registration because of that.
😑😑😑8 -
Walked past one of my employees as he was talking on the phone. He says something along the lines of "oh no that was totally my fault" to which I just blurt out "haha dumbass"
And he just goes O.o and then to the phone "oh, yes, no sorry, yes that was my manager" to where someone just roars out laughing on the other line.
Him: "apparently the director of X department found it hilarious that your standard automatic response was that out of nowhere"
Before I get called an asshole or whatever, my dudes regularly leave notes on my office with messages such as "die", "eat shit" etc. Its good fun lads, don't lose yer heads over it.6 -
Customer complains that the deployed desktop app is slow at site x.
I check it out with users at site x, and indeed, it does have a delay when trying to connect to a share on a server.
Checks with users at site y and z, no issues.
After a bit of digging, the resolve of a DNS record is most likely the culprit.
Send the ticket to the customer network team to investigate.
Get it back after an hour.
"We have pinged the DNS name, and it responds fine, there must be a bug in the application".
Oh and also, I wrote this rant at work, in my head, with a lot more cursewords involed.3 -
Dear customers just fucking stop and do the following:
1. Explain yourself in complete sentences.
2. Read the email you just wrote.
3. Regardless of the content delete the email.
4. Go about your day and leave me alone.
Fucking emails like this, I can't even:
Customer Person A: Hey this thing doesn't work when I change X!
Me: Uh where did you change X? There's 3 places that can be changed.
Customer Person A: No, Customer Person B is responding to the wrong ticket.
- Customer B has never responded to the ticket and isn't on the email chain we're talking about...-
-ticket closed, communication impossible reason "Kiteo, his eyes closed"-1 -
Dear Santa,
Here are a couple of things I want for Christmas.
1. I do want to eat no more so allow for oxygen to be my food.
2. Allow me to never sleep again or be tired.
3. Allow all my programs & code to work on the first try.
4. Allow all my hacks to work too.
5. X-Ray vision
6. xx.xxx.xx.xx6 -
How my day went.
Project Manager: We need deliverable X.
Me: That's not listed.
PM: But we need it. Other PM says what you provided isn't enough.
Me: Too bad. I was not told to deliver it.
PM2: We need deliverable X.
Me: Look at the requirements. It is not there. I'm not providing it.
PM2: We need it. Let me ask PM3.
PM3: We need deliverable X.
Me: No. It's not listed. And here's why it's not even applicable.
PM3: Oh....ok4 -
“In 15 years, do you see X still being there? No? Then fuck it” - my manager on how to handle “important” decisions4
-
I hate stupid DirectX .x files!!!!
I can't even find a simple camera mesh and I can't use other formats for this shitty project. No forking 3d model editor/converter works properly to convert other formats to it either, and those programs look like gray dogshit too. 😠2 -
So this one day I'm at work and the manager peaks into my office and just says "can you check that platform X is building, pretty much done just a basic bug check" (this bloke had negative 1 technical experience)
I'm not sure what he means, the whole thing is built in Java and I know nothing about that...
I log in the platform on dev server, sure enough it seems to work, charts are drawn, no errors, then I try to log out; this button does nothing...
I don't bother telling the manager, I just go to the dev who's a friend of mine and tell him about it.
A week later, manager jumps in the room all excited "we're launching this product tomorrow, mind checking again?"
Sure, I log in, ... There's no log out button, it's gone... I ask the dev.
"Yeah I fixed it, it's gone now!"2 -
daily.
PM/PO/SM/dev(new!): so i've continued working on feature X, i did this and that (shows screenshot of UI in Jira) and for today i'm planning to do XYZ. anyquestionsnothennextoneplease.
me: sorry, i have a question. did you persist your changes in our repo?
PM: no, not yet.
me: okay, please do this, you've spent several days of work on this. i mean, it's fine if build servers don't build it yet, that's what our feature branches are for.
PM: you're absolutely right, and i will definitely do it at some point.
me: at some point?
PM: yes. dev x, your update please.9 -
Client: Please add feature x in "here"
Me: Adds feature x in "here"
Fast forward to QA
QA: Test for feature x failed. Feature was added in "here" but is not in "there"
Me: There was no request to add x in "there"
Client: Feature x was already supposed to be in "there", you might have removed it.
Me: *Checks file where feature would be added.
* Git blame show no changes since received we the project (one major release back)
Lying cunt. I'm sick of your literally incomprehensible tasks giving government fucks, speak human language not overhead driven bureaucracy-jargon3 -
X86 or X64. Well, from what I understand, there's no fucking X in front of 64. X86 refers to instruction sets for *86 professor architectures, not bits. Am I justified in this? Is "x64" willful mislabeling?4
-
Manager: this feature is not working correctly
Me: yes it is
Manager: no it isn't, change it to do X
Me: but X doesn't account for half of the logic
Manager: I don't care just get it done
(1 day later)
Manager: hey, the changes you made aren't accounting for some of the logic we need. Change it back immediately!
Me: ...3 -
Another Developer: bro, shit hit the fan. The x web service is throwing some error. Can you take a look please. I want to go home. I'm tired.
Me: Yea sure bro no worries.
Another Developer: I go pee, after that I will delegate the ticket to you.
(Another Developer goes to the washroom)
Me: (04:59 PM) Oh time to pack-up and get the fuck out of here
Me: (05:08 PM) Receive a message on Viber from Another Developer. It reads "Fuck you, I'm going to rub my balls on your desk"3 -
My friend works for my favorite company Apple, his boss ranted Apple is about giving options.
I figured out some missing options in my iPhone X
Need to listen music: sorry can't plug in a headphone we removed that option 😉
Other phones have option to unlock through face or finger print (oops we removed one option)
No option to take a photo in 16:9 aspect ratio (4:3 only)
No option to change themes or layout to personalize your phone
Any positive thoughts on this option statement? If I missed some option examples 😅11 -
When will X be finished?!
Um..I don't know cuz thing Y is blocking me from doing X implementation and it makes no sense.. I have no idea what is wrong with it and can't tell how long it'll take me to fix, hopefully by the end of today I'll have thing Y fixed enough so I can finish thing X..
Ok, will you be able to update production today?! Just put it on production when you're done with X.
Uuuumm... Yeah... // still need to know how X will behave in cases a, b, c & b+c...
I'm writing this while waiting for abc feedback.. this is going great.. :/
I know prod is not used as prod yet, but still... fuuuuu!!1 -
Image relevant.
Tried getting puter to talk, puter no want to talk.
Me sad.
Me tell puter to stay put and listen at 4444.
External device doesn't do shit.
Me sad.
Read the docs. Nothing. Written like a 5 year old would.
Be angry, how do I put external device into tcp/ip mode? No one knows, the docs don't know.
I get frustrated and pull the USB cable out of it.
Mfw it starts spitting out requests to my server with no end in sight.
Mfw the requests all just repeat.
Mfw the docs tell me to acknowledge a request I have to respond with a content type of
"application/x-www-form-urlencoded"
How.
Not possible.
Mfw I decide to dissect a request to check it's accept header.
Mfw it says text/plain.
Great, no idea in what format the thing expects it.
Try writing out query string plainly.
It fucking works.
Why can't people just learn to write proper documentation.
5 -
After reading some rants abut stupid project managers I remembered this situation that happened to me a decade ago.
One of the tasks was to move some html component to different place on the page. The whole page was a mix trs and tds and to achieve that I had to rewrite the whole page structure. I estimated around half a day to complete that task. It was my first job and I was not great back then, but still it was reasonable amount for this task.
Now lets introduce my PM : the guy was a complete tool. He was a former hardware store manager ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and had no idea what we were doing.
He started ranting how on earth such simple task can takes so much time. I started explaining myself, but he wasn't listening. Instead he started sharing his screen, he made a screenshot of the page, pasted it to the ms paint, cut the component, and moved it to desired place. Then he said : It took me like 10 sec to complete the task and I have no experience, maybe I will replace you?
I was speechless. I had no words and I just kept silence.
Then he said he would reassign this task to X, because he is competent.
X spend more then 4 hours and I heard no apologies.6 -
Impossible deadline experience?
A few, but this one is more recent (and not mine, yet)
Company has plans to build a x hundred thousand square feet facility (x = 300, 500, 800 depending on the day and the VP telling the story)
1. Land is purchased, but no infrastructure exists (its in a somewhat rural area, no water or sewage capable of supporting such a large facility)
2. No direct architectural plans (just a few random ideas about layout, floor plans, parking etc)
3. Already having software dev meetings in attempt to 'fix' all the current logistical software issues we have in the current warehouse and not knowing any of the details of the new facility.
One morning in our stand-up, the mgr says
Mgr: "Plans for the new warehouse are moving along. We hope to be in the new building by September."
Me: "September of 2022?"
<very puzzled look>
Mgr: "Um, no. Next year, 2021"
Me: "That's not going to happen."
Mgr: "I was just in a meeting with VP-Jack yesterday. He said everything is on schedule."
Me: "On schedule for what?"
<I lay out some of the known roadblocks from above, and new ones like the political mess we will very likely get into when the local zoning big shots get involved>
Mgr: "Oh, yea, those could be problems."
Me: "Swiiiiishhhhh"
Mgr: "What's that?"
Me: "That's the sound of a September 2021 date flying by."
Mgr: "Funny. Guess what? We've been tasked with designing the security system. Overhead RFID readers, tracking, badge scans, etc. Normally Dan's team takes care of facility security, but they are going to be busy for a few weeks for an audit. Better start reaching out to RFID vendors for quotes. Have a proposal ready in a couple of weeks."
Me: "Sure, why not."1 -
Can anyone tell me why is it good to use some crap language that transpiles to javascript? Yes i hate js too but 90% of my time using reason/ts/elm is just
>ddg how to do x in y
>no answer
>Js.unsafe.eval "js code"
Like???? None of them is a 100% complete wrapper???6 -
2020 seems to be the year of the "dev who has never seen scale."
TypeA -> "Here's a reasoned explanation for a change I think we should make. Here is the current deficiency analysis, here is the desired resolution, here is the course of action and all calculations leading to the resolution + data. This will have x,y,z beneficial result according to our operational metrics."
TypeD -> "Those were words. Why do you need that? Change is bad, learning is worse. This will just slow me down, development speed is all that matters; there is no chance that a poorly considered/factored/checked design could ever require a ground up rewrite or fuck us utterly in the long term. Why do you make my life harder? We could x -> y -> zBUTI haven't done the math and I really don't see the benefit in x, so z is pointless. What even is scale?"
The consequences of the war caused by the ever-widening gap between engineers and developers is low key terrifying.12 -
CppCon2017 is COMING guys!! All these crazy speakers and conference! I won't say their names because they are too many x) But... FUCK ! That's the only moment I wish I lived in USA... No streaming, can't go... Only one thing to do, wait the upload on YouTube...
When I see people hyped about GoT or whatever... Guys this is the REAL HYPE!!!
4 -
How to make those marketing staff of x service stop sending you an email when they don't have unsubscribe link:
1. Reply back asking about the free tier/plan
2. Profit!
2 days and no word from them after spamming me daily about the service3 -
Ditched the iPhone X for the Samsung Gaaxy S9+ today, tires of the notch and no fingerprint sensor plus I wanted the bigger better screen.9
-
Does anyone else feel like HackerRank questions are trick questions?
Without a textfield to explain the answer It highly depends on how deeply you think about it..
Can you do x with technology y?
Yes.
Can you do x with technology y alone?
Well yeah but no, you still need something to process it. What does "alone" mean? Without electricity you sure can't do anything.
Extreme example but you get my point..6 -
"Can we do X?"
Yes, we can do almost anything you want.
"Can we have it ready by last month?"
No.
"What about 2 weeks ago?"
Not feasible.
"Yesterday?"
Sorry I don't think we can.
For real though, how do you deal with unrealistic delivery expectations? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to keep saying no to everything, or if they keep asking in hopes that maybe this time it'll be ok.2 -
I was setting up a small home server running CentOS to my closet and was fighting with a USB Wifi adapter that wouldn't stay "awake". Googled the error messages and nothing...
Decided to about it on the CentOS forums and mentioned (MENTIONED, WASNT THE POINT) CWP (CentOS WebPanel) in my question, an admin came, COMMENTED A LINK TO A FORUM POST THAT TOLD "CWP IS NO WAY LINKED TO CENTOS" AND CLOSED THE QUESTION!
FUUUCKKKKK, i wanted to hit something sooo hard. The admin basically turned my point from A to X.
4 -
I hate it when you actually buy a template and it turns out things only align when your images and text are a certain length.
Dear designer no, my images are not all 200 x 200. Screw you :)4 -
I've lost hope in my precision at this point:
We've updated our website to have X feature. The X feature was implemented, tested and even had unit tests... The worst part when I've lost hope? Both unit and the actual code had the same mistake in them. What was the mistake? Well...
if($variable = 'something') {}
Yeah... Read it carefully... We've always had the same case and only noticed it after 3 months when it was attempted to extend.
Funny enough, few users were harmed but no actual reports of an issue came to us.
Since then, I'm always triple checking that I have the correct amount of `=` to avoid further fuck-ups8 -
When you have to get app thread dumps using tools provided to you: a rock, a hammer and a steel rod.
Fuck it. I'm building my own tools.
I'm pissed.
Step aside and let me show how it's done. And STOP GIVING TASKS "TO DEVELOP A TOOL X" TO TEAMS WHICH HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE TOOL IS TO BE USED, WHAT VARIATIONS MIGHT BE REQUIRED, WHAT PRECISION IS NEEDED, ETC. -
Team member knows x better than me?
No fucking way am I gonna ask them to do it. Even if I have to learn the whole damn thingamajig from scratch. Coffee and some Halo OST are all I need, baby!
(In fairness to myself, said teammate is a bit of a hijacker when it comes to helping...)4 -
I think I did it. I did the thing I set out to do.
let p = a semiprime of simple factors ab.
let f equal the product of b and i=2...a inclusive, where i is all natural numbers from 2 to a.
let s equal some set of prime factors that are b-smooth up to and including some factor n, with no gaps in the set.
m is a the largest primorial such that f%m == 0, where
the factors of s form the base of a series of powers as part of a product x
1. where (x*p) = f
2. and (x*p)%f == a
if statement 2 is untrue, there still exists an algorithm that
3. trivially derives the exponents of s for f, where the sum of those exponents are less than a.
4. trivially generates f from p without knowing a and b.
For those who have followed what I've been trying to do for so long, and understand the math,
then you know this appears to be it.
I'm just writing and finishing the scripts for it now.
Thank god. It's just in time. Maybe we can prevent the nuclear apocalypse with the crash this will cause if it works.2 -
Meetings would be better without people.
I mean I like the IDEA of meetings...
Honestly I'm the type of person who if I could would schedule lots of meetings to make sure we're all on the same page, and to be sure the thing is going to do the thing everyone wants / get their perspective, etc. I really want to KNOW what the folks who are going to use this thing need / want / what works best for them.
On the other hand I know that meetings are often more like:
Me: "Ok let's so here's our data, now tell me what fields they want to edit and so forth."
People: "All of them."
Me: "Uh, no you don't want that or they'll break everything ... X, Y and Z require those fields for A, B, and C to work."
Me: "Let's go field by field and you tell me if they need to edit it, and why."
People: "Yeah this first one they have to be able to change this one."
Me: "Wait no, that's the primary key for that table, I don't know why that's on this list but no you can't change that."
People: "Yeah we have to be able to change that."
Me: "No, you can't, do you even know what that number IS?"
People: "Um... no ..."
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻2 -
No x-server, wayland. just drm and framebuffer. use computer just fine in this env. I can watch youtube and video. play music, play twitter, read rss, edit my program, surf a web, connect with other computer, view my image, read pdf with this freaking lightweight env.
Basicly, my super battery saver mode.
(want me to list all of these cli/tui app?)3 -
Update to my previous desire to install Arch Linux on my MacBook...
Well, I installed it, played around a bit... now gonna install OS X back... primary reasons being the fact that there r a lot of things which u must do to get arch to work perfectly in MacBook... ( special kernels and stuff ) and I use an iPhone 😐... in other words, m locked to the ecosystem... for now...
I was so hoping to use arch... it wud have been amazingly fast on the SSD... 😍😍
No m not gonna use VM since it’s not fun 😂😂
Wish iTunes worked in Linux too ☹️😕7 -
> Project does X
< How about you show me how X looks in action
> No
Add fucking images to your project
if there is anything to show off!
Uh I reached 3k, cool.5 -
Be me at work, 12h nights shift, 4th day like that
Following online course on machine learning, instructor says we'll use python 3.x as the interpreter for the project, boot personal laptop and start pycharms, create the file, choose right interpreter no big deal
pip install the modules I need for the course - done, try to import them.
Doesn't work, first reboot, still not working, browsing Internet for answers, no ideas, reboot again (you never know) reload pycharms, browse Internet again, find out the modules only work on python 2.7.
Wasted 45minutes for this shit
Feels good bro.2 -
Man why is it that the languages that I like get shit on by like 90% of developers. Whiney little cunts that get mad at css because they think "oh I can just inline style and it'll be fine" No wonder your X looks like fucking roadkill. And I fucking love python. Maybe if the Oracle overlord didn't have a goddamn chokehold on ever major hardware manufacturer python would be more prominent.7
-
How do you deal with choice paralysis?
Like I should do X but rather do Y
But I don't feel like doing Y now either so should do Z
But that's no fun/productive...ah wtf let's just do A,B, C after I take a nice long nap...
And then after the weekend, nothing I should've done got done...17 -
QA: There is a problem
Me: Ok how do I reproduce it?
QA: You do x
Me: I have done x and there isn’t a problem
QA: Oh it only happens sometimes
Me: Fair enough, I’ll try a few times
...
Me: Are you sure x is how you do it?
QA: Oh no actually it’s y
FML2 -
Fun happy story I thought I'd share with you guys:
I applied to a big tech company for a SWE internship. I was talking with one of my classmate that was usually landing big internship
Friend: good look with your interview, I know people that got it and their salary is x $/h
Me: *getting hype for that huge salary and preparing for the interview*
A few week later, after I was told that they did not have a place for me:
[...]
Friend: What ? No it wasn't x$/h I told you they pay, it's (x-10) $/h...
I guess I misunderstood him the first time.. anyways x $ was really a high salary for an intern position
But then, I got a call from the company, saying that they found a place for me at another location but they will pay for relocation and the salary is actually (x+5) $/h
Me telling my friend,
Friend: wth this is impossible
*le friend proceed to send his resume to this company*
😂
PS: for other students out there: don't be afraid to send resumes to big company, they are most likely looking for passionate people like you !3 -
Wow man. Can the day get any worse
Mother fucker creator of Android. Now I'm A long time android user, but
Android+Snapdragon 6XX chip+Moto= worst combo ever. Damn you creators, may You be deepfucked by a mad bison in heat. Cocksuckers.
The heat my Moto X play generates, I could make an omelette on top of it. And the newest feature, where you try to type, but you can't see anything happening, when 30 secs later, you suddenly start seeing the after images of all the buttons you pressed, all the text you typed. Why maybe I typed at the speed of light and android couldn't keep up. No.
NO! You dumb fuckin POS. NO. I threw my phone 20ft, broke the tempered glass. The case protected this shit. Once I can save enough, I'll either sell a kidney and get an iPhone or even better a OP5.
Nothing disgusts me more than slow hardware.12 -
There's this weird situation where someone rants about their work situation and commenters dive in with suggestions and comments about what they should and shouldn't do without knowing all the details.
It really pisses me off not just when it happens to me, but I see other posters using devrant here as impromptu group therapy only to be bombarded with "do x or suggest to your boss...".
Now... I've been suggesting and asking the same thing to my boss for over a year, still no change. I'm demotivated because of the lack of progress, I can and do keep bringing it up with him. However having someone here (presumably well meaning) suggest basically the same thing doesn't help, it just reminds me of the frustrating situation.
When this place is supportive its great, when we're all second guessing each other it's frustrating.
Can we all be just a little more excellent to each other? I know I'll try to be. Instead of assuming someone hasn't done x or y, I'll try to be a little more supportive and assume that the most obvious things to try, has been tried.1 -
Today's episode of Bluey is called: "I am not ready to go back to work after a week long mandatory vacation in which I will go back into a space that has made my passion into a shitless grabs for money"
Seriously, If I hear "the president of the institution does not like <X>" I will blow my brains out.
What is worse, every "leAderShiP" meeting I ask if shit is actually a policy towards were my department head says "no, but the boss does not like <X>" <--- then fucking make it a policy.
Seriously, I have a wife, I have but one woman to keep happy, I ain't about to break my back on dumb shit that some lady dislikes when I already have to keep 1 woman happy.
Going to work is a paycheck to me, but fuck man, I am seriously leaving. Good luck trying to find fkers this part of town that can patch my software be it that I wrote it in the most esoteric shit known to mankind on these modern days.
Might start listening to recruiters, I get about 50 offers a day.1 -
For some reason, Tableau is really heavy. I mean, all reporting software is a little bullshit, but Tableau... The server we had took 45 minutes to restart (no exaggerating - we timed it).
Reading the log files, yes, it WAS doing shit the whole time. Lots of shit. It seemed to be running just... Tons of software.
Tableau seemed to be aware of this because they have a page where you can check the status of everything. I assume that starts up first.
If you're looking into Tableau, two things to consider:
1) No, your braindead financial manager won't be making their own visualizations, no matter how many times the marketing team writes "drag and drop" on the Tableau website.
2) You'll make some nice visualizations but find that when you try to do more complex things, you run into constant roadblocks. If your manager asks "can you make it do x"? No matter how much experience you have, your answer can never be 100% "yes"... Or even "no" for that matter.
Not the worst experience with enterprise software, but definitely a surprisingly bad experience. -
PM: Heyy team x, could we have a suuper quick 90 sec tops call?
B*tch, if the call is actually 1.5m there is no way we need that call. We can actually respond to your question in text quicker.
But I know you. You can't fool me that it would actually be 90 seconds.
It's also fucking Friday afternoon.
fml2 -
Fuck, wanted a year long streak on github but failed at 40 days.
I did code but just had no part finished so didn't commit.
I even have an alarm for committing ffs. I just snoozed it and was like I do it when I finished x. Forgot track of time like always with coding and found out four hours later.
Fuck. Back to one. I just start over, it shouldn't be that hard.
I should change my commit behavior to push if compiles instead of push after complete feature. So, I change the definition of achievement easier to achieve6 -
// Posting this as a standalone rant because I've written the best piece of code ever.
// Inspired by https://devrant.com/rants/1493042/... , here's one way to get to number 50. Written in C# (no, not Do diesis).
int x = 1;
int y = x + 1;
int z = y + 1;
int a = z + 1;
int b = a + 1;
int c = b + 1;
int d = c + 1;
int e = d + 1;
int f = e + 1;
int g = f + 1;
int h = g + 1;
int i = h + 1;
int j = i + 1;
int k = j + 1;
int l = k + 1;
int m = l + 1;
int n = m + 1;
int o = n + 1;
int p = o + 1;
int q = p + 1;
int r = q + 1;
int s = r + 1;
int t = s + 1;
int u = t + 1;
int v = u + 1;
int w = v * 2 * -1; // -50
w = w + (w * -1 / 2); // -25
w = w * -1 * 2; // 50
int addition = x+y+z+a+b+c+d+e+f+g+h+i+j+k+l+m+n+o+p+q+r+s+t+u+v;
addition = addition * 2;
if (addition == w)
{
int result = addition + w - addition;
Console.Writeline(result * 1 / 1 + 1 - 1);
}
else
{
char[] error = new char[22];
error[0] = 'O';
error[1] = 'h';
error[2] = ' ';
error[3] = 's';
error[4] = 'h';
error[5] = 'i';
error[6] = 't';
error[7] = ' ';
error[8] = 'u';
error[9] = ' ';
error[10] = 'f';
error[11] = 'u';
error[12] = 'c';
error[13] = 'k';
error[14] = 'e';
error[15] = 'd';
error[16] = ' ';
error[17] = 'u';
error[18] = 'p';
error[19] = ' ';
error[20] = 'm';
error[21] = '8';
string error2 = "";
for (int error3 = 0; error3 < error.Length; error3++;)
{
error2 += error[error3];
}
Console.Writeline(error2);
}5 -
This is how you become dead to me:
Person: OMG X,Y,Z are happening!?!?! Notify everyone, freak out everybody!!!!!!!!
Me: Uh... have you seen that happen?
Person: No but another person said they did.
Me: ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ1 -
I've been working on a shader for the past few days. Lots of doing math on paper and switching to code to implement it. Yesterday after 3 or 4 hours of trying to figure out why nothing is rendering, I realized that I wrote all my * for multiplication as x. Visual Studio never let me know its a syntax error, and my fried brain saw no issue. Needless to saw my shader is still bugged to hell, but at least my multiplication works.3
-
Longtime reader, first time ranter!
I'm just here to complain about how everyone at my company sets "latest" for every dependency.
This wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, expect that no one fucking manages their version numbers...everything is still 1.0.X where X is the build number. Even if there have been breaking changes. Even if it's been like 5 years since the repo was created... -
if you're gonna shitpost in devrant, make sure to tag as shitpost.
I like shitposts as long as they are acknowledged as such. The problem ones are unironical shitposts.
These lazy ass posts that seem to be written by someone bored in a commute are liquefying my shit.
I'm referring to 2 line posts like "it's hot in here" or "x broke today" with no development whatsoever.
Like people think this is Shitter or something and they can just spam shit about every mundane detail of their day to day.
That's chit chat, nothing wrong with that, but you don't chit chat in a forum, you dm your buddies.5 -
First-time goona work on frontend(my worst nightmare).
That too Angular.
That too on a file containing 900 LOC.
That too with no proper naming, variable names x,e, obj.
That too with no comment.
Cant take help as I am the lead(name-sake, small team, I have 6month more experience than others)
I have 2 days(thank god for the weekends).
Fuck...Fuck...I missed writing CLI apps.7 -
Ooh what a nice feeling it is when you come back from a short vacation and everything is in the gutter... My team is divided into the two other teams... (I said divided but I ment everyone got assigned into team X... And I am the only one who was put into team Y)
Besides the whole team fiasco, I think my legacy project decided to role around in the garbage... Because I have no idea where all those bugs came from...
One positive thing is that I won't be working alone on that legacy project anymore, at the start of next week I get help from my new team... Now let's hope they don't suck!1 -
- Hey, I need to do X and I need your department to do it.
- "We can't do X, this is against company policy!"
- Oh, sorry, I didn't know. But I will have to justify it to my boss, can you point me to where in the policy it says you can't do X?
- "No I can't, it won't be there. It is just common sense"
- Wait, what? You saying you can't do something because it is against the company policy even though there is no restriction against it in company policy?!
- "Other companies don't do it either"
- I will need you to say that in writing, I need to explain it to my boss.
- "Our email server is FUBAR"
- It can be hand-written
- "I can't give a declaration in name of my department!"
- Wait, so you can interpret company policy any way you want, make decisions regardless of what the policy actually says but you can't own up to it in writing?!?
- "..."
- ...
(Some context: I've been emailing them about X for more than a week. Just got crickets for a response. Not even an evasive coward response, just no answer at all. And calling them leaves no paper trail. Fucking oxygen thiefs)
For fuck sake, are non-tech departments always filled with complete morons?!? Does anyone have ever worked with smart, or at least minimally-coherent non-tech people?!?!
Seriously, does anyone there have some story about some non-stupid non-tech/analog/muggle coworker?!?
I'm inclined to think that anyone who can think systematically is either working in tech or not working at all.6 -
Swift SUCKS
Why?
Because of its absolutely useless complexity...
a total simple thing: i have a string and want to concat a integer with it, so:
var x = stringVar + intVar; right? NO
its var x = stringVar + String(intVar);
or getting the index of a element in a array?
var index = array.indexOf(element); thats logic, right??? Not for swift, gotta go with: var index = array.index(of: element); WTF??!!
And all the other shit: nil instead of null, int++? Nope.
And there are SO MANY MORE things, where u just think, Apple really though different........than all normal coding languages.......
I´ll honestly rather learn C and recode Ios or have a look at objective-c...14 -
Team lead: guys, we need to brainstorm on feature X. We can have this service do blah blah..., have a cache at blah blah...
Me: I think it's too complicated. We can simplify the design by doing blah blah... and measure the performance as we go, let's not do premature optimization.
Team lead: no, we definitely need this. We'll pitch this to the CTO later
*Later when we meet the CTO*
Team lead: Hi Mr CTO, about feature X, we're gonna do this blah blah... what do you think?
CTO: *basically repeats what I said*
Team lead: Thank you for the insights, really helpful. We will do as you suggest.
WHAT THE FUCK?3 -
// O(n²) complexity
for(x;y;z){
for(a;b;c){
}
}
Dev's argument: "We use this everywhere, as long as it gets the job done! Time is money!" How ironic..
So you would rather make your processing speed suffer for the sake of saving time? No, clean code doesn't matter. No, we should not waste time spending even a mere microsecond thinking about writing better code or at least consider it. No, we should just vomit out bad code at top speed. Good idea, guys. Idiots everywhere..6 -
"Most ignorant ask from a PM or client?"
I'm going to just say generally any ask with "a lack of effort".
1. Stuff like urgent / angry emails about stuff that already exists... like man if you're going to be a jerk in the email at least look first ...
2. Requests that aren't thought through. "I need X to happen." , "So you want X to happen?", "Oh gawd no, only when Y and Z and ... some other vague stuff!"
3. Requests with incomplete sentences... hard to do a thing without a verb or noun or both.3 -
Ladies and gentlemen... It finally happened... I finally killed a Linux install!
Was stuck at 1024 x 768, installed NVIDIA drivers, crashed, restarted and ended up in an endless login screen loop and then boom, crash and is no longer recognised in Grub.
Don't know what I did seeing as the machine hasn't been on for 3 days ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Guess I'll have to do a reinstall when I have internet again!4 -
No... like seriously, how do you pronounce Elon Musk child's name?
=> X AE A-XII
I think that kid is fucked!10 -
Just had a class where we had to write a heap adding algorithm in Java to reduce rounding error for x amount of floats being added together
After an hour of writing code with no testing anything I finished. Ran the JUnit tests provided by the teacher and it passed all the tests!
Who says it can't work the first time?
2 -
So the project I work on basically has to talk to a 3rd party plugin, through a 3rd party framework. The 3rd party plugin is a black box. This conversation happened:
Software guy: so we aren't sure what is breaking the thing. It's either us or the plugin, but it's probably both.
Systems guy: well then if we aren't sure then why are we writing an issue for it.
SWG: because we aren't sure but we know we are doing at least something that contributes. We read int X from a table and put it into a float. X doesn't perfectly represent in a float. It comes out X.0001. Then they take it and when it comes back it comes back as Y.0001. We cram it into an int so it becomes Y, we compare it to X which is really X.0001 and it comes back invalid.
SG: well as long as we are sending them the right number . . .
SWG: but we aren't sending them the right number. They are expecting X not X.0001. Then they send us back Y.0001 but it should be X so it's wrong.
SG: so they're giving us the wrong return value.
SWG: yes, but because we're giving them the wrong number.
SG: well not exactly . . .
SWG: yes exactly. It is off by .0001 because of floating point math.
SG: well . . .
Me: look it doesn't matter how it's breaking. But it IS broken. Which is why we're filling out the damn problem report. THEY ARE EDITABLE. We talked to the customer and gave them the risk assessment. They don't care. It happens rarely any way.
SG: then can we lower the severity?
Me: no. Severity doesn't relate to risk. That is a whole different process. Severity assumes it has already happened. It's a a high severity.
SG: but the metrics.
Me: WE GIVE THE METRICS TO THE CUSTOMER. WE TALKED TO THE CUSTOMER. THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
And that was how I spent Wednesday wondering how a level 4 lead systems engineer got his job. How many push ups did he do? What kind of juice did he drink?2 -
Get a job as a junior developer, after you get a certification you'll be a regular, yay, we'll pay for certification, yay X 2.
After half a year still no access to certification site, nay X 2.3 -
In several occasions I run rm -rf * in the wrong folder (or wrong server!!).
No big deal so far, but I had to spent more time to redo my work since Linux has no fucking recycle bin like Win!
So I created this helper function to give my brain a few seconds to think before my finger hit Enter.
delete_all_files()
{
echo "WARNING:Delete all files? Type fluffycat to proceed"
read x
if [ "$x" = "fluffycat" ]
then
echo "Deleting all files..."
rm -rf *
fi
}
alias myrm=delete_all_files
Hehehe... I am a genius 😎18 -
Some old cool warning:
"class X' only defines private constructors and has no friends"
(using a singleton pattern implementation)1 -
So, we are having a SaaS service for people where they can build X stuff. It is all fine as long as you are using basic things there, no complex cases and so on. Even on some complex - it does work just fine.
Here's the rant itself:
The production server throws us errors every 5-10 minutes that something broke and fails to do job X. At first we were all hands on deck fixing it ASAP to make it stable to later realise that most of these cases were users doing stupid shit. Then we began to fix the core issues rather than chasing every single issue there is (costs are important you know) - funny enough, we get few support requests a week and our 1h response time + 24h fix time usually buys us that customer and allows t o leave a great impression.
So all in all, bugles production is good but great support - is way better. Users can deal with issues especially if they are experimenting there but when they need answers - you'd better give it to them.1 -
Designer: These form elements should not be textboxes; they should be dropdown menu's.
Me: No problem. Done.
Designer: Could you make X the only selectable option in field A and Y the only selectable option in field B?
Me: I sure can.
Me: Implements a dropdown menu with only one option, knowing that asking questions would label me as "difficult" and "technical". Uploads to production, decides to take a smoke break.
My coping mechanism: Maybe you should also add an Animator to the IK targets on your character controller in Unity instead of depending on a slerped IK weight value.4 -
LXC, no doubt.
I mean to be fair, LXC is an amazing container runtime once you manage to set it up. But setting it up is the hard bit. Starting off with LXC 2.x, it was a nightmare to find out how to get things like the storage backends working. But with ZFS it ended up being alright. Find some arcane values to stick in the /etc/lxc/default.conf to use ZFS as the backend and then the default storage location on those ZFS pools (I'll get back to that later), and it worked alright. Again, once it works it's great, but setting it up and finding the right configuration keys is absolute hell.
So, LXC 2.x for a while and a few months ago I finally ended up upgrading to 3.x. Every single configuration key changed. Every single one of them, and that's why I had to 1) learn LXC all over again, and 2) redeploy each and every one of my containers. That process is still not entirely completed. ZFS backend was once again a dive into arcane configuration keys found on forums and whatnot. Yeah.. official documentation has none of it. Oh and in 3.x you now also have to dodge the torrent of "just use LXD m8" messages. Yeah, very helpful when LXD is also the ONLY way to reasonably configure it. Absolutely beautiful. Oh and as far as the ZFS default storage location goes (such as ssd/lxc/ct)? Yeah forget about it. There's no configuration option for it anymore, and the default is "lxc". In ZFS lingo that means that LXC has the audacity to demand a whole pool for itself. No. No you don't deserve a whole pool for yourself. But hey at least you can define the storage location to use in the lxc-create command! Every single time you have to define it in lxc-create. I abstracted it away into my own LXC interface, so no big deal really. But yeah... That could absolutely be better. And in 2.x it was actually better.
Oh and btrfs, the filesystem I'd like to use on low memory systems because ZFS' ARC is too much on such systems? Yeah forget about it. I still have no idea how to do it. Thank you LXC and its amazing documentation!
And if you want the icing on the cake for LXC's terrible documentation, see their repo's index page at https://github.com/lxc/lxc/.... Yeah, it's totally still at 2.x... That's how well they maintain that. Even Debian has 3.x now. And if you look at the branches, you'll find that even 4.x is already available and considered stable. -
Hello, world!
Okay, guys and gals... I need your creative minds. I need a concept for sort of a property manager for my game.. I have an idea of my own, feel free to tear it apart or throw it out the window.
So basically.. You'll no longer have one Computer System (and you wont instantly hit the login screen for that System on startup) Instead, you'll have a lot of things. They will probably only be represented using text and menu's (likely no 3D or 2D environments or anything.. Though, a setup like News Tycoon would be epic, but I think that would be too much for this game.) You'll basically start off with a small space (probably a basement) with x amount of free space. In that space, you'll need to add things like a desk, chair, and a laptop, or tower + monitor. You can also buy things like server rigs with a ton of space, but those are pricy and bulky. Each item costs X amount and takes up X amount of space. Also, you'll need a desk for a monitor (or multiples..) and other things.. (Like your rubber duck collection ;P JK) You can also rent and manage servers. (renting is more exspensive in the long run, but things on your server are not on your property. But, if you own a server on your property you can rent space to to NPCs) As well as manage your devices, properties, stocks, etc..
Also, there will be in-game time. Depending on how "comfortable" you are will determine how long you can stay up in a day. In-game events will take place later on at specific times so staying up (or not..) will need to be managed well. Especially if you're being targeted by a rival (NPC) hacker.7 -
Smart me.. Updated OS X from 10.10 to the ‘new’ 10.12 just before leaving on my vacation. I’m currently at the boarding gate, wanting to develop some bits and pieces.
Apparently, the update fucked me once more.. My XAMPP server, the Git commands, my permissions, .. Nothing works.. Now I have to google all this stuff to get everything working again, but the Wifi is sooo damn sloooow.
Doubted so many times to install ubuntu on my macbook, but I have no idea how Ubuntu handles the battery life, the led keyboard, the function buttons, … The whole OS X works for me, but once in a while, it fuckes me so hard, I would've liked it if it took me out for dinner once in a while.. :D3 -
JavaScript is new the PHP.
Reading a stackoverflow question about async functions and await-usage, and lot of well-intended answers show no understanding of the concept. Some fail to understand that the scope is about promises. They don't know that, yes, *every* async function *always* returns a Promise and that within an async function it's synctically the same to do either `return x` or `Promise.resolve(x)` or `return new Promise((resolve) => {resolve(x)}), and they fail to realize what await does or doesn't do and are oblivious about how awaiting at certain stages can have huge performance impact when compared to either Promise.all or Bluebird.map.
Grasping promises is hard in the beginning, I get that. But please don't share your lack of understanding as fact. -
Want to hear another joke?
Blue Prism allows you to export stuff from version 6.7 to 6.3.
However they changed 𝘷𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘳𝘺 slightly the way they store the position of the nodes. No new features -or at least nothing that you would care about- but the structure of the node itself want went from
```
<positionx>1</positionx>
<positiony>2</positiony>
<width>3</width>
<height>4</height>
```
To
```
<position x=1 y=2 w=3 h=4></position>
```
The whole project collapsed to a single point, catastrophic consequences as far as exception handling. A generic "fuck you" for no real reason other than the sheer malice of those beasts of burden who developed Blue Prism in the first place.
And I have two different versions of Blue Prism on dev and prod :)
2 -
Some business users have been chasing me all week to produce a report using some old report with some modifications.
I didn't write the old code and have no context as to what the data is.
My current reaction is:
so you want a report that says X using some vague input which you haven't clearly defined or explained to me...
Have you heard about black boxes and overfitting (i.e. reverse engineering a process based on sample data)?
TLDR: I can generate a report that will say anything you want it to say... doesn't mean it will be right in future use cases.
Why don't people (originally GBoard suggested peepee) understand "junk in = junk out" -
Open software:
Error message: Failed to load x..
Why not tell:
Error message: Failed to load x. Please reinstall software.
or
Error message: Failed to load x. Remove cache folder located in "drive/somewhere" and try again.
or
Error message: Failed to load x. Please recreate x by using tool y and try again.
if software tells you no meaningful message and you have NO idea how to solve it.. it is one of those annoying things you have to deal with.
Why can't I just create features....4 -
//norant
I'm convinced, I love my wife's brand new Tesla Model X P90D.. 5411 lbs blowing 0-60 in 3.17 seconds.. it's f*cking ludicrous.. no more petrol cars for me from now on!1 -
So today's conversation with my co-worker who built our build system...
Me:OS X build server is not building valid installs.
Him:What's the problem?
Me:The KEXT is not rebuild... I think that Jenkins isn't capable of updating the file because of the permissions the script set when you test compiled it manually... Could you please add Jenkins user to sudoers file or something?
Him:Yes of course, but what should I google?
WTF dude? Do you even think yourself? And for some reason no-one has acces to the build servers configs exept for him and he shows up like 3 times a week... -
In the interest of "efficiency" and "low overhead", I've decided to make my computer boot to a tty login, start X manually each time, my window manager being openbox (no panels or nothing)
5 -
I'm studying games development at university and as a course it may not be the best but I enjoy it. With the department courses like Computer Sciences etc run alongside and we're given the choice to swap if we want. At the end of first year a few left the class and a few came in.
Forward to now where we're actually making games. I'm in a team of 4 working on a minecraft clone using Direct X 12 (50% of the module). Immediately one asked "who actually wants to make games?" to which they all said "no... This course is pointless, I don't want to make games" . So now I'm stuck on a team with a group of people who think its all stupid and want to do bare minimum work and want to solve no problems or do anything interesting with the project...4 -
==============
Getting Feedback Rant!
=============
When "this is simpler" feedback results in a function of 500 lines of code.
When I get "don't do X" in the feedback. Thank you very much. What do you want me to do instead?
Unclear feedback.
When the feedback giver changes his mind after I applied the changes!
When applying the feedback introduces a bug.
Simply opinionated feedback that is not enforced by any tool or backed up by any facts.
Please find something better to do in life.
Unactionable feedback.
"Consider X"
I will not consider thank you very much.
"Verify this works"
Duh..
When the feedback giver knows something that you don't.
I know this is a legit case.. still annoying.
"I disagree with the feature"
Go argue with the PM, not relevant to me, thanks!
=====================
GIVING FEEDBACK RANT
=====================
I rewrote the system. Please review it.
No need to review, just approve.
I will change this as part of the next ticket.
I would like to keep it the way it is.
lazy ass..
You can't test this.
It's impossible to test this.
No need to test this.
There's no point to test this.
I'll test this on production.
Not sure why this is working..
Please document this..
Because documentation is like a thing, you know.
Oh, this code is not related to this PR, I just don't want to open a new branch for such a small change. ignore it.
Ignore this.
This will be meaningful in my next change. -
Okay, so there's one guy in my class, which offends me for no reason (I don't give a f about that), and then few minutes later he comes to me and asks "can you make forum/launcher/website". So I say no, because I'm not gonna waste my time for free... So he offends me even more.
When I was telling "Sure, but that will cost you X PLN (Polish Nominals)" - he laughed.
This is really annoying.7 -
I actually learnt this last year but here I go in case someone else steps into this shit.
Being a remote work team, every other colleague of mine had some kind of OS X device but I was working this Ubuntu machine.
Turns out we were testing some Ruby time objects up to a nanosecond precision (I think that's the language defaults since no further specification was given) and all tests were green in everyone's machine except mine. I always had some kind of inconsistency between times.
After not few hours of debugging and beating any hard enough surface with our heads, we discovered this: Ruby's time precision is up to nanoseconds on Linux (but just us on OS X) indeed but when we stored that into PostgreSQL (its time precision is up to microseconds) and retrieved it back it had already got its precision cut down; hence, when compared with a non processed value there was a difference. THIS JUST DOES NOT HAPPEN IN OS X.
We ended up relying on microseconds. You know, the production application runs on Ubuntu too. Fuck this shit.
Hope it helps :)
P.s.: I'm talking about default configs, if anyone knows another workaround to this or why is this the case please share. -
More than 50% of my work is due to the fact people don't do what they are suppose to do.
"Joe is suppose to submit report X every week. He hasnt been keeping up so make a script that reminds him if he's late. Better yet make a tool so Joe doesn't waste those 3 minutes every week."
Me: Tell him to do his job.
"But we need you to do it"
Me: Fine
"Suzie is complaining she does this menial task"
Me: She was hired to do that.
"Can we automate it?"
Me: No
"X is broken"
Me: I know. Group Y isn't doing what they are suppose to.
"Go talk to them so you can see why they aren't doing it. Then bend over backwards so you can handle these kinds of issues due to their laziness in the future."
Me: Fine...4 -
/rant on
React Native is BS for Android. Outdated as hell Gradle builds (1.x for certain plugins I mean wtf) and it targets outdated SDK and build tools... Why no simply code for system your software is meant to work :P
/rant over
In seriousness, I get the concept of build once deploy on all platforms ala Electron but better but hell why is the tooling so outdated?1 -
Email this morning: "Program X is not working".
Wow thanks. That's not fucking helpful at all. We have like 100 different applications and I've only ever seen about half of them so far and have no clue how to even use it or what is supposed to do. -
Changing jobs sound exciting until you discover the onboarding experience.
No architecture overview, no presentation about core services. It's not a problem except that I have to navigate through the different services or hmmm the distributed ball of mud hmmm.
And then they ask you to estimate how long that X or Y ticket will take, so I give always the max possible number :D3 -
So, in opengl 4.x, there are no primitives for circle, and the only ways to draw an almost perfect circle are following
Draw a triangle fan and fk up your memory for a circle
Draw a rectangle and use the fragment shader and distance equation to discard the bit that is not used
But you will need to add an if statement and potentially increase the frame time (from what i have heard)
And it will be more complicated than just using a triangle fan14 -
Got bit by a hacked repo. It was compromised for all of like 30-some seconds. No intrusions, but now I can't set my root password (passwd goes "oh, yeah, we got this" then it does... nothing...) and Weyland/X/Gnome/Cinnamon/KDE/whatever the kids use nowadays are all busted (they all start, but they just hang tty1 and whatever other console invoked it). Tried reinstalling all those kinds of things, didn't help.
fml2 -
Just wanted to clean up and update my old smartphone (Huawei Y300). Accidentally deleted the home screen and system.ui and can no longer open apps. TRWP (2.5.x) is too old to flash a new image. Need TRWP 2.6.3.3, but it is impossible to update it from within TRWP. Such a crap.11
-
So I felt like I had to give anotherone of these updates.
When I arrive at work all I do is connect my ThinkPad to my dock, and both monitors, keyboard and mouse goes live. Got a Hyper X Alloy and Corsair Harpoon just the other week, so no more bringing and ruining my own stuff. Just being able to "be live" in 1 minute is wonderful.
12 -
Payment gateways are such a big pain to implement. Docs say that they will return values A,B,C but what you end up recieving is X,Y,Z.
And don't get me started on the webhooks, man they return values completely different values from the api end points and with no reference what so ever to the fields returned by them.
Wish i could get the documentation writer's address and may be the dev as well!!6 -
#Development Story:
No Size for iPad (only mocks are mobile and desktop)
Ambiguous on Close Button (size and position)
#Development:
Me: iPad size, should it be X?
Product Owner: Yes
#QA
QA: Close button is to Small, change to bigger
ME: (ok....)
#Product Owner Review
Product Owner: Close button to big, make it smaller, also iPad size is not that, is Y.
Me:
3 -
Health anxiety is funny.
a pendulum between
"oh no, what if I have x and die"
"jesus christ, this anxiety is too painful i wish i was dead"
death is a fucking tease.
anyhow, just venting, not promoting self harm, if you are having thoughts of mortality contact your national suicide hotline.
also, not trying to be a dick, but id appreciate receiving no advice, just a "i hope you get better" will help me a lot.3 -
So I'm TAing this database class and we constantly need to use shell to edit text. I am hosting the workshop with another student, who is a vim user and I am an emacs user. During one workshop he wrote down the commands for editing and quitting vim, and I simply told them control x and controls s, then control x and control c. And the stdents are fucking complaining that is too many commands? Like, wtf? And this week when we are holding the workshop and we need to edit something so he said just open your favourite editor and a girl was like vim, vim, vim , the same girl who complained emacs is too many commands. Like I'm the total loser using emacs there. Get your shit together people omfg you brainless followers. No offense to vim users, this is just personal.1
-
Was working with Swift lately, we no longer have: x++ in Swift, and I wrote rowIndex += 1, and go-lint was not happy about it ....
6 -
Compiled Gentoo after ~5 days.
It's not ever yet though.
My kernel is now 7.3M, and it contains almost everything I need. Even my network drivers (intel) firmware is built-in.
It boots straight off UEFI (default BOOT/bootx64.efi), and
Managed to install X, Waylan (sway!)
Got dvorak programmer's keyboard defaulted.
df -h:
root 4.7G/14G (exact) used
boot 21M/127M (exact) used
var 701M/~5.5G used
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH
Was doing the installation from a Live CD (UEFI) during school hours, with my toughpad not working and no mouse with me. I feel bad for TAB.
I am, at this moment, still compiling...1 -
I'm actually looking for a new job.
A friend of mine: "I heard that company X is looking for informaticians."
Me: "And what is the job exactly? Do you know which languages/technologies they are asking for?"
Friend: "Fixing computers/printers problems and form employer on how to use product Y"
Me: "No way."
Friend: "Why?"
Me: "..." (Long explanation on the difference between developer and technical support)
I should have understood when she said "informatician" instead of "developer"..1 -
I accept offer letter from x company.
And just before 3 day of joining i got far better offer from company y.
So i told company x that i got better offer I don't want to join there anymore.
They told me that after accepting i should not find new job, my word has no value, and told me "keep that attitude (sarcastically).
I know i did wrong. How do you guys handle that?
Is it wrong to accept other offer after accepting one?7 -
I was all gung-ho about migrating a .NET Framework 4.x 16-projects-in-1-solution 100+ table 300+ Standard Procedures "project" to a more streamlined Services based architecture with documentation and all
Until I realised the guy who's heading it, has been working on it since 2019-2020
And has kept his job because it's such a mess and no one else knows nor cares about how to navigate through it (:3 -
Automate this!
I'm an aspiring coder working some chappy administrator job just to pay the bills for now. My boss found out that I may actually be more computer literate than I let on.
Boss: "I want you to make X happen automatically if I click here on this spreadsheet"
Me "X!? That means processing data from 4 different spreadsheets that aren't consistently named and scraping comparison info from the fronted of the Web cms we're using"
Boss: "if you say so.. Can you do it?"
Me: "maybe.. Can I install python?"
Boss: "No..."
Me: "what about node.js or ruby?"
Boss: "no.. I don't know what you're talking about but you're not installing anything, just get it done"
Me: "Errm Ok.."
So here I am now, way over my head loving the fact that I'm unofficially a Dev and coding my first something in Powershell and vb that will be used in business :)
Sucks that I still have to keep my regular work on target whilst doing this though!2 -
My manager just told me this at the end of the work day.
Today, my manager got a call from client "X".
They wanted to know why issue "Y" happened at event "Z" that was being put on for their client.
My manager basically told them we had nothing to do with that part of the event, so we wouldn't have had anything to do with solving problem "Y" either, but that what ended up causing problem "Y" had been passively mentioned to us months ago, and that he's not sure why their client didn't communicate it.
Client "X" told my manager that they would call back after talking to their person that helped organize event "Z".
No call back.
Definitely rant-ish, but also kind of a funny/ridiculous story to end the work day with.4 -
I needed to create a c# wrapper class for an activex element which has functions for sudoku.
Then create a wpf interface to play it.
So far so good. Ive had c# wpf, so no problem.
Finished that
"Make another interface in asp.net mvc"
I thought to myself, sure how difficult can asp.net be?
Very difficult apparently.
At least, if you want to make a grid which you can change per cell with an x and y.
I just went to bed after i gave up, when I suddenly got an idea. It ain't pretty, but just might work -
why.... why on this freaking earth would you go an enable Hypervision on me?
seriously #Windows, you are starting to drive me over the edge.
theres nothing like powering up a centos server - yea not even a DE, (that had no issues yesterday) and getting "VT-x is not available".
the last thing im going to think to look at is you enabling your bullshit despite it was already disabled, -
How do you test unreachable code or part that is considered an edge case?
For example I catch exceptions in case IO failed and data was not written on database, but that only happens if hardware failure, or no disk space left, how do I mimic that?
I also have unreachable code for example, in one layer I fetch data (lets call it function x) and always return success result unless item not found I throw KeyNotFound exception. But in the calling function I handle the case of Status == Failed
Just in-case in the future I change function x and start returning failed status, so my logic already written but never reachable14 -
Today is the first time I really wished we would use git, or some good version control. My coworker kept working on my project while I was on vacation and now something isn't working. I'm just not sure if it's not working because I was dumb enough to accidentally STRG+X (I know, I'm dumb) some of his lines or whatever, but the point is I have no way to trace back what it looked like before and now I gotta fill the blanks by deduction I guess10
-
I would like the university to work like an organization, instead of teaching stuff on board for 4 long years, they should teach during a few months and then asking students to work under faculty (faculty as their project manager) and In a team of x no. Of students. This would let us learn multiple concepts including organizational behavior and working with different team(people you aren't comfortable with beforehand.)
I know there might be some loopholes on Marking system, but I was never a fan of any king of marking/grading system.2 -
So this was a conversation.
tl;dr You can't just FUCKING RECOMPILE for an older OpenGL version you dimwit!
Context: Person Y has OpenGL 3.1, my program requires OpenGL 2.1, but refused to launch with "Pixel format not accelerated"
--------
Person X - Today at 9:28 PM
Nope
or optionally compile it for old opengl
Or just use my old junk.
Me - Today at 9:29 PM
No
Person X - Today at 9:29 PM
Why?
Me - Today at 9:29 PM
You don't just "compile it for old opengl"
Person X - Today at 9:29 PM
I can
Btw
Me - Today at 9:29 PM
For one, Person Y has an OGL version new enough so... /shrug
Person X - Today at 9:29 PM
shrug
Me - Today at 9:30 PM
And there is no way I'm ripping the rendering code apart and re-doing everything with glBegin, glVertex, glEnd guff
Person X - Today at 9:30 PM
You don't have to
Me - Today at 9:30 PM
You do
Person X - Today at 9:30 PM
Just use a vbo
Than a vba
Me - Today at 9:30 PM
I ALREADY USE FUCKING VBOS
Person X - Today at 9:30 PM
....
There's two typws
Types
Btw one with indacys and one with out
Ones 3.0 ones 4.0
Me - Today at 9:31 PM
tl;dr. I am not rewriting half of everything for worse performance just for the sake of being compatible with even more legacy OGL, that might not even work anyway for Person Y. idc
Person X - Today at 9:32 PM
Plus if your using glut you can set the version I want to say
Also it's not worse
<Some more conversation>
Person X - Today at 9:33 PM
Btw crafted [Me] taking th lazy way as normal
Btwx500
Me - Today at 9:33 PM
Taking the lazy way eh.
You have no idea do you
Person X - Today at 9:33 PM
Yes you are
I have more of one :p
Than you think2 -
PM: "I have an easy question for you."
me: "Well let me decide if it's easy."
PM: "Where do the images for X in project Y come from?"
me: "Good question. No idea. I will come back to you."1 -
So I decide to do some online test at company X for an internship.
URL bar exposes names, id number, email etc, whatever you fill when they capture your details(these morons are probably using a get route to do it). Okay fine let me give it a try... Page loads flash content! WTF!??...Fine I do the test, so easy and fun. After completing the test and hit submit the whole flash shit just goes blank!!! Now I wasted my 3 hours for nothing!!! I'm so pissed rn I wanna write them an email. Ohhh I forgot to mention the page was very http with no s. How do I even trust they'll tech me anything???7 -
i got put in this stupid intro to computer class and it's so fucking pointless. the teacher is clueless and 29 years out of date in information, all we do is fuck around with windows and everyone acts like wow it's so amazing despite being the most basic features. this damn teacher assigns home work too and i use linux at one, NONE of my computers at home have windows and i have no intention of using either windows or os x . this teacher knows that i'm very proficient with computers and treats me like an assistant, while that's cool and all it's not within my interests. this class period is a literal waste of my time.2
-
Delays. Delays in payment, delays in scope and spec delivery, delays from the graphics guys, delays from the X guy, the Y guy, this company, that company. No matter what the reason, delays leave that leave the Dev waiting and sitting around despondent and losing interest faster than the second to latest viral video.
-
After inputting all of the defect info into the bug tracking tool, QA writes a quick summary of their findings and goes home.
Love explaining to mgmt why developers could not fix bugs because they had no access to the bug tracking software.
1 day.... X number of bugs... 0 progress -
We complain a lot about others. I'll toss out my own dork up from today.
Customer: "Can we add more than X widgets? There seems to be a limit."
Me: "Wut? Lol no I didn't limit.... wait a second."
SQL... field type... varchar
-hand to forehead-15 -
Sometimes I genuinely wonder what the thought process of some people is...
git checks out feature-X branch
git creates new branch off of it to work on something that has absolutely nothing to do with feature X
then opens a PR back into feature-X
Me: this has nothing to do with feature X.. i think you meant to branch off of develop and PR back into develop, no?
Them: no it was intentional .. feature-X will eventually end up on develop so I thought we'd get both features on develop.
I'm not even mad and this isn't a rant, I'm just really confused 🙂4 -
Background: I am working on task x. On successful completion of task x, task y may be given to me. Task x is haaaaaard. My group is not the only player and any fuck up will break my group and at least two others. Now here is my story:
Me: Yeah I am doing this hard thing and that hard thing and getting ready for these hard meetings.
FormerCoWorker fcw (): wow that sounds hard.
CurrentCoWorker ccw (): yeah he's working on task x and task you.
Me me (): what? No I'm not. I am working on task x. Don't go randomly assigning me tasks like that.
ccw: well if you finish task x you will be an expert in section z of code. So it is only natural you take on task you.
me: yeah but task x sucks and task y is why several engineers have quit the company. You never know. You could be assigned task y and quit. Why do I have to take on task y and quit?
NGL, I will do it of they promote me. I may be a whore, but I am gonna get paid. -
Just delivered most difficult project I had so far, despite all issues managed to deliver (on time). Had help from team but some colleagues only contributed with "I'll tell X and Y to do it".
Told my manager it was really hard for me and sometimes I had to work some hours in the weekends, once even entire weekend with no extra pay, just to meet deadlines.
My manager just told me in my performance review that I didn't deliver on time and compared me to the UX designer that delivers Figma designs on time for like 8 projects and never has to work overtime. I guess dev work is the same as Figma design around here.
Then manager proceeded to tell me that he wants what's best for me.
Safe to say no raise this year.6 -
Me and a couple of friends have this group on WhatsApp where we can share stuff that we do and maybe come up with new stuff to work on as well.
For giggles (honestly irritating to me) I'm gonna summarize some conversations on the group.
26/11
Me: Finally completed my first FPGA program, these devices are amazjng!
NO REPLY
28/11
Me: gonna make the Jacobs ladder thing today! Hope I don't get zapped
Anyone interested ?
NO REPLY
29/11
Me: hey here's a nice electronic circuit, try to analyze how this circuit oscillates (we're all ec 'engineers' well... soon at least)
NO REPLY
2/12
Friend: Guys creed 2 was amazing I don't mind watching it twice
F2 : Really? Why don't we go soon?
F3 : I'm in!!! What's the plan
F4 : how about tomorrow ?
....
3/12
F1 : Guys anyone have notes for X exam
F2 : here. {Link}
F3 : here. {Link}
F4 : how many of you are done ?
F5 : what are the important questions
(just a stupid aptitude test)
{Me} changes group title from X to Notes group
Let's give this another shot
6/12
Me: There's a conference on X technology by Y industry leader ..
Should we check it out ?
There's even a workshop on X
NO REPLY
Alright time to acknowledge my stupidity and my lack of brains for even belonging to this kind of social circle/COUNTRY
7/12
ME: New fortnite season is out
F1: woah it's crazy let's play
F2: already on it, client is updating
F3: are you shitting me? gonna get BROS laptop (i'm going to suck my brothers cock and take his computer)
F4: Hang on bro wait for me also call me on discord.
I hope you guys could stick through that. Well there's no crazy moral to this but if you're one of these guys just appreciate your friend for his efforts once in a while even at the cost of acknowledging your stupidity.
Also, words like BRO are instant triggers and I'll make sure I find you can kill you if you use it more than once every couple of sentences ( I have relatively high tolerance )1 -
OK, I've got a foot pedal I've used for transcription work and other projects on and off for years. In order to be able to use it outside of the context of my transcription software, I used ControllerMate for the better part of a decade.
Unfortunately, having moved my work over to an M1 Mac it seems that it's no longer compatible, even in the hobbled state it's been in with the past couple versions of OS X.
Been trying to find an alternative for a while and not finding much. Does anyone have anything they can recommend for programming the behaviors of USB peripherals?3 -
Hello all (App devs) I have finalized all APIs and here is the postman collection for you. I have been working on the chat page so excuse me for my delay but I finished all the system all that is remaining is the chat. I will be working on it tonight.
Please let me know if there is anything wrong.
Dev 1: thank you will see then asap.
Dev 2: why do u want to make me lost we said u deliver the chat first and then we move forward with the app.
Me: well I had some difficulties with the chat so I finalized all else and u can fix those while I fix the chat
Dev 2: no this is not what we agreed on. This is propostrous. I will not do anything anymore. I need the chat to finale x y and z.
Me: dude the chat has nothing to do with x y and z u can finalize those and then fix the chat!
Dev 2: no I don't understand this is not right.
Me: dude I built the backend I know what u need for x y z. Anyway why all the blame and the destructive approach?
Dev 2 don't think we r kids we r not kids .. (bullshit talk)...
This is the scenario that happens Everytime a pussy of a Dev is late and is ignorant of their job and all about blame it on the weakest point.
Therefore guess what's drafted ?!
MY RESIGNATION PAPER!1 -
!rant // more like a warning
If you use tty (no X or graphic env) and use tmux as terminal multiplexer -> avoid using mpv in it.
.
When you use -> mpv --vo=drm "video name" in tmux session and want to pause video -> cpu usage will climb up to 100% on single core.
(can make laptop warm)
(I don't know what exactly cause this but my theory is, tmux cant redraw after video is pause and it keep trying forever and end up using cpu 100% on single core)
.
Solution
- use mpv on another tty which you didn't run tmux.
- example : tty1: all stuff, tty2: mpv.
And cpu usage will be normal after video is pause.4 -
So at the HS I go to, there are 4~5 programmers (only 3 real "experienced" ones though including me).
So coming from JS & Python, I hate Java (especially for robotics) and prefer C++ (through some basic tutorials).
Programmer Nº2 is great at everything, loves Objective-C, Swift, Python, and to a certain extent Java.
Programmer Nº3 loves Python and used to do lots of C#, dislikes Java and appreciates Go (not much experience).
So naturally I get shit on (playfully) because of my JS background, because they don't understand many aspects of it. They hate the DOM manipulation (which is dislike too tbh), but especially OOP in JS, string/int manipulation, certain methods and HOISTING.
So, IDK if Java or C++ (super limited in them) have hoisting, but if you don't know what hoisting is, it means that you can define a variable, use it before assigning a value, and the code will still run. It also means that you can use a variable before defining it and assigning a value to it.
So in JS you can define a variable, assign no value to it, use it in a function for instance, and then assign a value after calling the function, like so:
var y;
function hi(x) {
console.log(y + " " + x);
y = "hi";
}
hi("bob");
output: undefined bob
And, as said before, you can use a variable before defining it - without causing any errors.
Since I can barely express myself, here is an example:
JS code:
function hi(x) {
console.log(y + " " + x);
var y = "hi";
}
hi("bob");
output: undefined bob
So my friends are like: WTF?? Doesn't that produce an Error of some sort?
- Well no kiddo, it might not make sense to you, and you can trash talk JS and its architecture all you want, but this somehow, sometimes IS useful.
No real point/punchline to this story, but it makes me laugh (internally), and since I really want to say it and my family is shit with computers, I posted it here.
I know many of you hate JS BTW, so I'm prepared to get trashed/downvoted back to the Earth's crust like a StackOverflow question.6 -
While being an intern I had to make a finance system, no requirements except for the fact that it has to invoice the right person...
As soon as it was seemingly done, I'd go to the customer and he'd just say "why isn't x in there? This isn't what I meant! Where is y feature? Why does it work like this and not like that?" etc...
I had 0 experience, and was just told to make stuff as I went, horrible experience and truly the most frustrating project I've ever done. -
No boss, I love receiving a brief from you, doing the work exactly as asked, and then having to go through it again with you over the phone while you decide x, y and z needs changing.
-
int totalHourSpentOnFixingBootflags = 5;
while (!isWorking) {
Clover.flags = "-x -v -s -f nv_disable=1 injectNvidia=false ncpi=0x2000 cpus=1 dart=0 -no-zp maxmem=4096" + Internet.getRandomBootFlags();
}
1 -
Anyone with dialogflow experience? I wanna create a bot asking many questions with choices. But the no. Of questions that are needed to be asked depend upon a certain variable (eg if X=5, ask 5 questions; x=10 ask 10 questions)
How can one implement such thing in their sdk?8 -
I have an opportunity to buy a cheap ThinkPad which I want to install Arch Linux on to get more familiar with Linux. So I want to setup the environment and try to use it as my home PC to write code, watch YouTube etc. No gaming.
Is it worth it? It’s not a lot of money but definitely not free either. Does anyone have any experience going from OS X to any Linux/GNU? I’m not expecting to enjoy it so much that I’ll switch permanently but who knows.. And what about ThinkPads, good stuff?3 -
I need recommendations for a Bluetooth keyboard for my MBP 2018 15". Thanks! 🙂
My preference:
- compact and quiet (no numpad)
- soft to press
- chiclet type with normal travel
- OS X layout
- NOT a mechanical keyboard
- NO USB receiver
Nice to have/Bonus:
- good design for office work
- backlit functionality
- known brand
- rechargeable5 -
Responding to a numb sales guys joke with "do you know the best about UDP jokes? - I don't care if you don't get it! " ...turnin around left the hallway... Unbeatable
-
UGH.
I hate when I have to debug an issue and find out its somewhere entirely else, than I was looking.
>Installs a virtual server on the Proxmox VE platform
>Reboots and grub be like "No such device *UUID*"
Whut?
Okay, so... reinstall grub, maybe a bug in the automated install?
>Nop.exe, still an issue
Huh...
>Partition tables all good, drives all visible when booted from a live environment, grub is up to date
>Finally gives up and goes to mess in the (terrible) grub rescue environment
>Grub only sees (hd0) while root is on (hd2), what?
>A whole lot of cursing ensues, wtf?
Turns out it was a bug, but not in grub... Rather, in the QEMU-KVM agent daemon, wtf!
I never had to deal with a bug in the virtualization agent itself.
Downgrading from pve-qemu-kvm 5.0.x to 4.0.x solved the issue.
Now, maybe, I can finally go have my lunch... -
Tried to boot ReactOS on real hardware.
ALL the driver issues, and no way to fix them (USB had drivers assigned but only had power, not even my mouse worked.)
God I wish ReactOS was laughed at less. There's so much here that could grow into a full Windows replacement, but people are too busy laughing to help.
It's like comparing Windows 2.x to Windows 7 or 10. There's something there, it's just not progressed far enough to get up to where it could be. (Not literally ofc, metaphorically)2 -
I do not like it but I am forced to ask a tech question because my friend google has no idea how to solve this problem...
So, I have a pdf with a bunch of points with a number inside. I have to produce a list of numbers with X and Y coordinate of the point.
What I have tried: convert pdf to HTML and extract the position of divs / completely failed because a lot of points were distorted, mixed up, contained more numbers, etc, it's just not precise enough after conversion.
11 -
My biggest problem is my family as gentle as I can put it (wife and 3 kids) which require a lot of attention so it's easy to say "eh that website can wait my family needs x,y,z." I'm no master but I've gotten better at this by leaving my home for 1-2hrs a day and going to my local coffee shop to work. My mind knows now by this point that when I'm there I'm there to work and that's it, has worked wonders for me.1
-
"X is dead! My project has just gone up in smoke, because docs/programs have been permanently lost."
This time, it's Sun. No one's dumped their compiler package CDs for Solaris, and now you can't order them. Whoops! There's like 5 versions of Solaris that have SDKs and docs that are just gone.
Dump your CDs, you stingy motherfuckers. "oh they're stamped, they have my name in them, i paid $600 for the license" do it anyway, because time is unrelenting and the rot claims us all. we must run faster than it does, and you're just standing still.7 -
I was about to implement a new feature (which I will call feature X), but I was not sure which branch feature X should be implemented on. Because of different products, there are a lot og branches around.
I was going to implement feature X on branch A, but that branch was currently not working, and someone was working on fixing it.
I was told by my boss to branch out from branch B as feature X would be merged in there later anyways.
And so I did.
After I am nearly finished with feature X I discover I need feature Y from branch A. Feature Y is not yet on branch B, but is scheduled to be merged in some time soon.
So I can't really finish feature X before that point, and I am told by colleague 1 I should have implemented feature X on branch C, because feature Y is there and branch C will be merged into branch B soon.
However, I found out that this has happened before.
First, colleague 1 was told to implement feature Y on branch A. This is the real implementation, the one I need. After he had spent a week implementing feature Y, he was told by colleague 2 that the feature should be implemented on branch C, which is branched off from branch B (I think). So he had to spend a day or two to move feature Y to branch C, but he still kept feature Y on branch A, because all branches will eventually be merged into branch A.
After a week or so, colleague 3 asks about feature Y and is told that the feature is on branch C. But colleague 3 need the feature on branch D, which is branched off branch B for some weeks ago.
I don't know all the details here, but colleague 3 ends up implementing a version of feature Y on branch D and he is happy.
I don't know how much time was wasted because of wrong information from management, but I have no intentions of wasting more time. I'll wait for the merge of branch C into branch B.
If this rant makes no sense, that's just my reflection of management some times.
I love management.4 -
iOS 14, two thoughts.
1. It manipulates people. They added app gallery and now when you try to delete app it asks you if it should rather hide it into the app gallery, exploiting your hoarder bias so you have more apps and thus more notifications if you haven't disabled them. That's a no from me.
2. It fixed a LOT of bugs and annoyances. I quit next js because of the exact same thing being important to me — they were busy doing only the new features to constantly pitch and lure investors, they never responded to issues and never fixed anything. I'm happy that Apple realizes that it's important to fix bugs.
Overall I'm happy. My iPhone X is pretty old already (87% battery capacity remaining) but it's much faster with iOS 14 than with iOS 13. The main thing is reduced latency pretty much everywhere. Especially the screenshots, I'm barely detecting the click and the screenshot is already done. No perceivable latency if you ask me. New refreshed look is amazing, backside tap actions are cool, new music app is amazing.
People tell me that apple is forcing you to buy new gadgets with updates but explain to me then WHY my old iphone X got much faster with new iOS? That's a contradiction. If I buy a new iPhone it'll be because of dead battery (that's physics and not exclusively Apple issue) or just because I want 120hz and lidar bokeh.13 -
Mann i will always be a newbie to the world of linux, but running cmd on it, its always scary. Like one purge command and it went on deleting so many packages i didn't knew even existed at the first place.
I feel like a blind man following the blogs hoping to god that no wrong shit happens. And the blogs are also like "do step1 then step2 then step3, you will see x , do y and it will work" , and surprisingly it works!.
Linux is a beautiful mystery.
And why the hell is almost every browser in linux broken?
- Netflix, hotstsr and Spotify won't run on any versions of opera or chromium because opera didn't got some widevine installed.
- chrome runs but no good free vpn(i prefer hola/1click) works
- firefox is weirdly slow.
And yet this is the world's most lovable platform for web dev5 -
Question for iOS Swift guys:
Since Implicitly Unwrapped Optionals are now dropped for a while, and everything is an optional, hiw can I now declare property that has no value and intializer will not make fuss?
I used to do this:
class Bullet {
var calibre: Double!
}
This way I can avoid initializer which gets useful when there are properties which hold complex types, which get useful when writing tests.
If I remove ! Then compiler complains.
If I put ? Then My code becomes crap of guards and ifs to check for optionals.
Really hate this Optional thing in Swift. Half my time when I jave an issue is related to optionals.
Btw,
let x: Int! = 10
let y = x, yields y: Int? -
Mobile
To the iOs Users:
-Which iPhone do you have?
-Is it Jailbroken?
-Do you want to use the new Electra JB?
-And If Jailbroken: Why and what do you do with it?
-If not: Why?
To the Android Users:
-Which Phone do you have?
-Is it rooted?
-If yes: Why and what do you do with it?
-If not: Why?
And my Answer:
iOs
-iPhone X
-No
-Yes! I want it so badly
-No: Didn‘t think about it when I purchased it..18 -
laptop suggestions please:
- 13-14 inch screen
- min 8 gb ram (preferably 16)
- 128 gb storage
- i5 or i7
- 1200 x 800 resolution
- can run linux (no driver issues)
- can run flutter, android studio, and emulator
- $500 or less6 -
How do you read /pronounce "x +1'd your rant / comment"?
I say masunomeó: más - uno - me - o, no Idk fonetics9 -
Starting a project for work and realized it would be a good idea to use a framework as by my initial anticipations i see this growing fairly complex. I choose to go with Angular 1.x because I'm lile "hey i know that already", but there's one teensie problem--it hit me that i haven't looked at Angular so long that I have no fucking clue how to start up an Angular project from scratch properly. Oh well, time to dump an old project in the public folder and figure this shit out one error at a time
-
I'm facing something strange, I have set the following headers in Nginx to return:
strict-transport-security: max-age=31536000; includeSubDomains
vary: Accept-Encoding
x-content-type-options: nosniff
X-Firefox-Spdy: h2
x-frame-options: SAMEORIGIN
x-xss-protection: 1
But I only get them when I browse root of my website, but if I go to https://website.com/subPage
those headers are not returned, now I did set them only on
"location / {}"
Any other headers I am missing that needs to be set?
in nginx, but how do I force it on all sub pages, or there is no need?2 -
from rant import workflow
Tl;dr - I have a share of the product's backend, everyone expects it to work, no one cares how and i can spare with i, me, and myself getting there.
CTO: We need this solution, what do you need for data?
ME: Okay, thing0, thing1, thing2, preferably a ton of samples.
C: Here, also, there's a new full-timer who will help you. And you can do some sparing with.
M: Cool, i have several approaches to discuss.
*new full-timer attends fewer times than me as a part-timer*
*standup meetings talks about status, problems - yeah, whatever reactions*
*full-timer doesn't attend still, gets a "quick" (in case of consistently showing up) task to fix something in another backend part*
Me @ a standup lately: So, approach 4 worked, polishing it, but I soon-ish need to know a few things so I can finish up and fully integrate it.
CTO: Okay, when *full-timer* gets in so she's included.
*waiting for X days (x>8)* -
!DEV
As some of you (I'm certain), I have a plex server at home. Hosted with an "old" core i5-4670K, 16GB ram, no GPU. (Ubuntu 20).
My question. HOW, HOW THE FUCK :
I can play HDR and DV videos via plex TV app.
I can play HDR via my S10 fucking phone !
I cannot play nor HDR nor DV since last update on Xbox X... It's the ONLY use I have for that console. If my TV can do better, wtf I'm supposed to do with that console ? (Any way to put plex server on it ?)
My friend can play my 4k HDR video on apple TV via remote connexion..
What's wrong with Xbox X ?
RHAAAAA.
Also, FU all ripers using PGS format for subtitles without SRT option.
Also FU sony for not allowing TrueHD via ARC. (AT least on my A/V reciver)
Also fuck me for buying xbox.
Also fuck the worl just because.
Ok, I feel better. Thanks you all.4 -
"Good job coworker X for making a hotfix, that fixed crashes".
I don't get it. Poor code, no tests, bad QA and at the end of the day people get praised for fixing the crash. Cool, I guess I know how you get promoted.6 -
Arch switch update: after a day I still haven't gotten past sddm. KDE won't start on either X or Wayland with no logs in sight. Everything worked in VB.1
-
Writing a x-platform cli tool in Go designed to be an infinite REPL until EOF if no arguments are passed. Code works great on Linux and Mac as-is but not on Windows. On Windows it only works at all if args are passed.
WHY.
And people wonder why I don't like Windows. It's a shame my userbase has so many tech-saavy Windows users. If not for them I'd cut that git branch off the repo in a heartbeat. -
Had that moment where I thought to myself I need some sleep.
Working on Android app, using shared preferences (for a lay person, a key value store for settings)
Kept storing data in store and checked repeatedly from different parts of the app for the data. No clue where it went when storing (did store correctly)
Found out I was storing in a store labelled X _Y and was reading from store called XY.3 -
Why is customer support sometimes so shitty? A coworker good a Win10 Laptop (Win7 before) and one program wasn;t working there anymore. So we reached out to the support asking to help us fix it. After over a month later and x-amount of E-mails back and forth. The answer was, you have to upgrade everything (Webserver, Database, Client) to use Win10 (no backwards compatibility). Which is fine, I don't mind upgrading and understand that software sometimes is not backwards compatible. BUT THAT IS SOMETHIGN TO STATE IN THE 2nd E-MAIL. Not an infinity later after a tiring back and forth of nonsense.
-
Can I please keep my damn linux system and source repos ? sigh.
can we pleeeeasssee just jump forward with everything intact.
god knows I spent enough time messing with these things.
I doubt they're going to stop developing Fedora and boo hoo hoo so I'm using my comp more than I was the first x number of times.
you fucking people also have more fucked up diseased people running around I want nothing to do with and everythings dirty and ugly and people are more messed up and creepy and there is no reason to socialize with such people fuck off.2 -
My in-laws seem allergic to keeping fruit on the fridge. In a 40° heat. No wonder half the fruit are spoiled by next morning.
My algorithm for storing produce:
Is it fresh produce? => (No) use another algo. (X)
Is it potatoes or onions? => (Yes) put it in a bowl in a closet (X)
::: Put it all in the fridge, dammit. -
If (true) {
// do else action instead
} else {
// fallback code
}
...no one else is in the pod, I "could" open a bottle, but I also have a deadline. X-o -
So after deploying an update for my apps api this morning, I very quickly had to move hosts as openahift for some reason does not install express on its 8.x container, heck its not even in the package lock file, and no help from Google. On the plus side, new ones faster, even though it's further away, and I can only image a replica set DB is better than a single instance.
-
If I would be a network administrator , I would troll everyone by creating 2 networks, one called x-fast and another called x-slow. Obviously I would reverse them so the one called slow is actually fast, and the fast one is slow. So I can benefit myself from a private network with no one on it because it's "slow" :-)
Evil me or genius?1 -
Has anyone else used the Decimal module in python?
And if so do you know why it returns
"AttributeError: type object 'decimal.Decimal' has no attribute 'power'"?
According to the documentation
https://docs.python.org/3/library/...
...theres a power() function.
Doing
decimal.power()
Decimal.power()
power(x, y)
No matter how I call it, it always returns an error indicating power() doesn't exist and I'm scratching my head.4 -
Since HR does job postings on StackOverflow I'm aware that they have a landing page. ...did not expect that. 😀😀
-
Annoying monday - nearly no code but useless things like trying to use a Windows keyboard on some old MacOS X
On the other hand: for the first time I wrote a one line for loop in bash that worked - without googling!1 -
Scrum poker, what a fucking joke that shit is. When did even a piss take 0.5 story points in this racket. ”It’s a no brainer, should take no more than 20min”. Who are you lying to? You KNOW that every time you open that IDE, the second you build and the moment you merge that putrid sewage, you’re gonna get fucked one way or another and cleaning up that shit is gonna take your cum poker assessment x 4.
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