Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
So the person from my previous rant actually tried to make AI in HTML.
Person: I made that AI in HTML today!
Me: Oh really?
Person: Yup. *Opens HTML site*
It was a site that
1) Used JavaScript
2) Was a prompt(), and after answering it alerts "Yes" or "No" randomly.
Me: That's not AI
Person: Uhh yeah it is. It uses a neural network to answer!
Me: Actually, a neural network is a dot product of an input and vectors that are refined using partial derivatives.
Person: Yeah! That's what Math.random() and alert() do!
I left that room as quickly as I could (yet again).30 -
"Oh no this platform is serverless"
I hate this "serverless" term.
How does a cloud platform run serverless?
HOW?!
"yeah but like we don't have to run updates and manage the underlying stuff and can thus deploy stuff serverless"
NO.
THERE ARE ACTUAL SERVERS RUNNING IN ORDER TO RUN THIS PLATFORM.
YOU CANT RUN THIS FUCKING PLATFORM WITHOUT ACTUAL SERVERS.
HOW WOULD IT RUN THEN, ON FUCKING STARDUST?!
IT. IS. NOT. SERVERLESS. AS. LONG. AS. SERVERS. ARE. INVOLVED. AT. SOME. LEVEL.73 -
Me: Alright, let's code!
School: Psst. Hey.
Me: What?
School: Remember that assignment from last week?
Me: Oh god please no.
School: Yeah, it's tomorrow. And you have a Geography exam next Monday. You love geography, right?
Me: Please, no, I want to become a programmer, not a--
School: Shush... It's okay. Programming can wait. You want a to get a job, right? What would they say when they see your poor Geography?
Me: That doesn't even... Okay, fine, I'll do it...
* two days later *
Me: Fuck me! Finally! Let's do some coding now.
School: Psst. Hey.16 -
Me: Did Sherry let you know that I'm leaving today?
Coworker: what!? No!
Me: yeah... I'm leaving.
Coworker: huh, I'm not surprised...
Me: what is that supposed to mean!?
Co: shit man, this job sucks, I'm not surprised. I'll be leaving right behind you.
Me: oh.... Um... April Fools... 😬
Co: God damnit.
Me: don't worry, I won't tell the boss how you really feel.4 -
Brain: hey kiddo, want to stay home and work on your side project today? I'm feeling good.
Me: fuck yeah finally!
*call in sick.
*open laptop. Tabs and editors already waiting.
*play music, no sound.
*system is all laggy.
*fuck, restart.
*
*Installing windows updates...
*leaves for work.18 -
Close relative: Hey, what is my gmail password?
Me: I have no idea.
Him: but you created the gmail account for me a couple years ago.
Me: Yeah, I helped you to create it and I warned you to remember your password.
Him: didn’t you write it down somewhere?
Me: no, I didn’t, you fucking useless piece of shit. I am not your fucking password manager.24 -
Frontend-developer's day is like:
*moving element by 0.0001px to right*:
- *10 new pages appeared*
- *text suddenly disappeared*
- *pictures pierced bottom of page*
- *window.alert("Kill me")*
- *it's night outside the window, but you totally sure a minute ago was a noon*
*moving element back*:
- *no pictures*
- *no text*
- *no moon*
- *10 blank pages*
- *only darkness left in this world...
...and this fcking element, yeah*
19 -
>Building advertising platform
>Life is good
>Fire up the dev server and open in browser
>No assets
>What the fuck
>Check code and config for like an hour it's all good
>What the fuck
>Try incognito browser, it works.
>What the fuck
>Oh yeah. Adblock. Fuck.4 -
Kid(age: 17): What kind of programming do you do?
Me: Well, I started writing scripts in Python, but in the last few months I moved to IOS development, so like making apps.
Kid: So you write scripts for phones?
Me: Not exactly—
Kid: Do you know what jailbreaking is?
Me: Yeah.
Kid: So do you jailbreak stuff?
Me: No—
Kid: Oh so you don’t really do programming.
:’(19 -
Mathematician girl invites me to code some lines.
I arrive at her flat and she was alone so some part of me thought ehem. Anyway i took a look at the program first.
Me: so... it's a date?
Her: no im using cosmic radiation.
Me: huh?
Her: yeah accessing a value from a sensor gives a..
(Apparently she thought i was asking about the Random Function she was using, which usually uses the date)24 -
Fuxk yeah! My code works! It's 2AM, I'm happy and there's no one around, so I wrote a poem :-P
What was once impossible,
Is now close to completion,
Thanks to my debug statements,
Which now await their deletion.28 -
Boss: make this thing
Me: yeah no worries. Where is the spec?
Boss: We don't have enough one but we outsourced the design so call him
Designer: haven't started yet
Me: excellent
Boss: I'm going on holiday. I'll leave this to you.
Me: erm ok. I'm having a few problems getting stuff out of the designer though.
*2 weeks later and still no designs*
Boss: I'm back. Where is the progress?!
Me: indeed.
*1 week later i get half designs that sort of make sense*
Boss: hurry up!
*1 week later*
Me: designer you're busting my balls here
Designer: yeah lol
Me to boss: still having problems. No idea what I'm doing.
Boss: deal with it
*2 days later*
PM: we are demoing it to clients tomorrow
Me: brilliant. I'll become a magician then.
* Meeting goes well and no one notices the thing is a bit buggy*
*2 days later*
Me to boss and pm: you already know whats going on but I'll keep trying.
Boss: ok it's just a proof of concept anyway.
Designer: yeah here's the rest of the designs lol
*1 week later, the designs made no sense, no idea what they wanted but hey it's a proof of concept so I'll just do my best...*
*suddenly again, hey you have 1 week before we sell it. Lol. smashes a product together as fast as humanly possible, due to half designs and no time to do it right even html classes and CSS aren't right - didn't know things would be repeated at the time. No time to fix entire thing. Luckily just a proof of concept*
New senior developer: hey boss just said this is being sold tomorrow.
Me: wtf..It's a proof of concept and i was given longer...
New senior developer: no
Me: :(
Senior developer and all colleagues: it's full of bugs and doesn't work
Me: yes that will happen without specs, random tight deadlines, no designs that made sense and a total of about a week and a half to make an entire system for multiple user types to make applications, send messages, post jobs, handle all paperwork and move paperwork among different user types as they go through applications. I told everyone what was going on but i get no support...
*Silence*
Boss: wtf i gave you so long! All i know is my entire staff is working on a product that should be done ages ago
Me: ok, however i have said almost every day i need-
Boss: I'm not interested
*I finish my placement year and never get any promised work or the job offer*
Seems legit?16 -
Client: so how could we test this 😬
Me: you know what, send me an email at linuxxx@companyname.com and I can look if I can properly reply! Keep in mind though that this is for one time only, no further questions through that email address!
Client: Yes of course! *sends email*
Me: *tests* - *works fine* - *messages client back through the ticket system*
Client: *proceeds to send two follow up questions to my fucking work email address*
Me: *selects emails* - *marks emails as spam and deletes them*
Fucking seriously?! Cunt.18 -
Friend: I wiped this drive, and then I open it in my Hex viewer app, and it's all zeros!
Me: yeah?
Friend: Why isn't it empty?
Me: uh well a drive must have its bits set to some value and can't just nothingness so zeros is just a default meaningless value that resolves to nothing..
Friend: No, but why is it full of zeros? why it isn't empty?
...
I attempted several times and then exploded. rip self14 -
Teacher: Make a PPT presentation on *blah blah* with no animations or colors and present it next week.
*Next week*
I go and connect my laptop and open my presentation in a PDF file.
Teacher: Wait! You are using pdf. I said ppt.
Me: Yeah, you said no animations and a pdf file is much lighter than a ppt file.
Teacher: you are disqualified!
*facepalm*27 -
Shopping for fridge with sister in law.
"Yeah that one is nice but it doesn't have an app"
"Why do you need an app for your fridge"
"I don't know, but this other fridge has an app, so I think if it doesn't have an app it's not that good"
"But it's very energy-efficient, silent and spacious. The one with the app is the same size, has a worse energy rating, is noisier and is more expensive as well"
"Yeah I know but if there's no extra features that's kind of boring"
"You are everything that's wrong with modern consumers"28 -
Talking with a dev friend:
- I want to create a program. Want to help me?
- Sure, any ideas?
- Yeah, I'd like to create a paint software using Java
- Cool
After 3 mins:
- Nah I just realized it'd take too long and no one would use it. Wanna play Rainbow Six tho?
- Okay
After playing for 15 mins:
- Holy shit! This game is so buggy. I could make it better
After 3 mins:
- Nah I just realized it'd take too long and no one would use it. Wanna create a paint software using Java?14 -
Friend: Atom
Me: Vs Code
Friend: Light theme
Me: Dark theme
Friend: I believe there's some kind of energy that rules our destiny.
Me: Haha, seriously, no
Friend: (Starts telling me about some proposal of how he's going to build something).
Me: Yeah that's not going to work.
Friend: (Gets angry and proceeds to explain his idea on a whiteboard)
Me: Ahhhh yeah, sure it looks great
Friend: Dammit!!
Me: (I start telling him about some proposal of how I'm going to build something).
Friend: Yeah that's not going to work.
Me: (I get angry and proceed to explain my idea on a whiteboard)
Friend: Ahhhh yeah, sure it looks great.
Me: Dammit!!
If we didn't have such a solid friendship, I think we'd hate each other by now hahaha15 -
My lead keeps pushing commits to master. His commit messages vary from: no message, yeah, and yup.
and yea, some of the build break master.
Makes me just wanna die sometimes when digging through our commit history to figure out when a bug was introduced.
27 -
Manager: You know you did good this week, take the entire day off tomorrow
Dev: Really?
Manager: Yeah my treat.
Dev: Can you send that to me in an email?
Manager: ….I mean yeah, but I don’t see why that is necessary
*** About halfway through The next day
Manager: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETED A SINGLE TICKET TODAY OR REVIEWED A SINGLE PR OR EVEN SO MUCH AS ATTENDED THE STANDUP. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
Dev: You said I could take the day off today?
Manager: YEAH BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT OFF!! I WAS GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW DEDICATION TO THE COMPANY BY COMING IN ANYWAY BUT NO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR GENEROSITY AND HAVE AN ENTIRE DAY TO YOURSELF?! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, THERE ARE URGENT TICKETS ON THE BOARD!
Dev: …16 -
Friend: hey I started learning java..
Me: great, good luck.
*After few minutes
Friend: Hey I heard you're good in java programming..
Me: yeah I know stuff.
Friend: So can you teach me all good things in java?
Me: but..
Friend: half hour is supposed to be enough, right?
Me: hell no, it's not like that..
this stupid thinks half hour is enough to transmit all my career to his stoned brain..
I am going to die!12 -
Me: So we've used Bootstrap for front-end and Django for ...
Teacher: Bootstrap is not a front-end framework.
Me: Uh..Okay. It's a CSS framework ? My bad.
Teacher: No, Python is for front-end.
Me: You mean templating ? Yeah! We've used Jinja templates.
Teacher: No. Use Python for front-end.10 -
Oh yeah no this is fucking great. I get around 5 hours of sleep a night during the week.
Went to bed early yesterday.
Just woke up after six fucking hours with a fucking headache and nightmares.
Sleep rhythms can be a fucking bitch.12 -
Conversation between some kind of executives on the table next to mine:
A: do you know this app that'll let you hack into any Wi-Fi? You just click here, copy that and paste it here... and I hacked the restaurant's Wi-Fi. **laughs**
B: oh, only X? Bought. Wait... what is this "allow app to access your location"?
A: yeah, click "allow". You should also install a VPN.
B: what? BPN?
A: no, no. VPN. When you use a VPN you have a secure internet connection. You're protected from tracking, hacking and virus.4 -
(Qt + OpenGL) didn't piss me off for a whole week..
My point clouds are rendering great..
I guess I could speed it up a little bit..
I'm doing good..
So yeah..
no rant..2 -
Sister: (she must migrated from iOS to android) you can download these apps and then you can change like colors and themes and everything 😍😱😵
Me: Yeah off course you can...?
Sister: Oh not, oh no, you're not going to tell me you've been able to do this for years?!?
Me: Uhm... Yes...?
Sister: 😵😭😱😭
Not an apple hate rant, just found the convo funny!6 -
Me: Boss, your new project is ready, we've tested the technical aspect but we're waiting on your approval before deploying, will you test it?
Boss: yeah sure, I'll test it in 5
*2 weeks later*
Boss: why isn't that project deployed yet?
Me: you haven't tested it, and we haven't gotten approval
Boss: oh right, I'll go test it right now!
*2 weeks later*
Boss: I NEED that project to go live RIGHT THIS MOMENT!!!
Me: sure, have you tested it yet?
Boss: nope, but I need it
Me: well, I'll put it live, but me and my colleagues are shifting responsibility to you, since you haven't tested it. Are you sure?
Boss: yeah, yeah whatever...
*put product online*
*2 days later*
Angry call from boss, bugs have been found, tell him that he approved the state of the product and that the bugs will go on the to-do list...
Boss is extremely pissed, but recognized his mistake...
Now, the boss actually tests everything thoroughly at the moment we tell him to! No more bugs, complaints, and I got a raise!5 -
Friend: hey i heard you are a programmer.
Me: yeah
F: so you are a hacker?
M: No. Well yes but the correlation is bavkwards.
F: oh ok.
...
F: so can you hack facebook?9 -
Software company director: we build Java applications right?
Devs: nah, javascript.
Director: it's the same, right?
Devs: no
Director: fuck, I pitched a Java application.
A few hours later...
Director on the phone: Yeah, we are building it in Java...10 -
Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.11 -
Client: You can develop a e-commerce system for me right?
Me: Yeah sure, whats your budget?
Client: 100$ and I want a really good vps included in the price.
** FManzi left the conversation **
No more work for inexperienced5 -
Reviewing coworker's code:
Me: I see you're doing a convoluted sort for every element twice to get your two lists in sync... 😐
CoWorker: Yeah. *straight face, no regrets* That's the only way to do this.
Me:... Uh... No? You can just manage one list with a simple struct and then use the the standard sort.
Coworker: Yeah sure I know. But it'll take time. We don't have time.
Me: *aghast* This is embarrassingly bad code!
Coworker: Don't worry, later on I'll use a hashmap for it. But this needs to be pushed now.
Me: *to myself, no you don't need a hashmap*
Okay, you do you but I can't back you on this. It isn't going to take a lot of time to correct it.
Next day.
Coworker: Hey can you review my code again?
Me: You've made the changes already? *in a bored tone, knowing that they wouldn't have changed shit*
Coworker: No this is a different file. Our manager agrees that we can worry about performance later.
Me: Sure. *😀🔨🔨*
Few weeks pass by:
QA: The operation takes absurdly long time to complete even with the smallest data. Ten minutes for X is unacceptable.
Me: Who would've known? ☺️21 -
DST is my arch enemy.
"Why did I get paid for 7 hours instead of 8?"
"Because you worked from 1:00 till 9:00"
"Yeah, that's 8 hours"
"No it wasn't"
"Why does this input field say invalid time for 02:00?"
"Because that time doesn't exist"
"Why are so many tests failing"
"Because they check timestamps and durations which don't make sense in non-continuous time"
October is even worse...6 -
Friend: So what's the plan for Christmas
Me: Nothing much just coding
Friend: No apart from work
Me: Yeah coding
Friend: That means, you not getting drunk or laid this Christmas
Me: No, because I can't C Sharp when coding
Friend: Fuck developers2 -
Me: So what if this field has no info?
NonDev Manager: There should always be data in that field.
Me: *Shows the field has default set as null*
NonDev Manager: *thinks thinks thinks*, but they are always added...how...if...
Me: I'll default to X behavior.
NonDev Manager: ...Yeah...do that.
I know what should happen but it's so fun to see non-dev's scratch their heads with business logic edge cases that seem nonsensical to them. Yeah I'm a bit of a dick.3 -
– “It doesn’t work. I don’t know how to run this.”
– “Ok, did you install the Python interpreter?”
– “No, what’s that?”
– “You have to download it from www.python.org. Get the 2.7 version.”
– “Yeah, it’s ok. I’ll just use something else.”9 -
A few weeks ago at infosec lab in college
Me: so I wrote the RSA code but it's in python I hope that's ok (prof usually gets butthurt if he feels students know something more than him)
Prof: yeah, that's fine. Is it working?
Me: yeah, *shows him the code and then runs it* here
Prof: why is it generating such big ciphertext?
Me: because I'm using big prime numbers...?
Prof: why are you using big prime numbers? I asked you to use 11, 13 or 17
Me: but that's when we're solving and calculating this manually, over here we can supply proper prime numbers...
Prof: no this is not good, it shouldn't create such big ciphertext
Me: *what in the shitting hell?* Ok....but the plaintext is also kinda big (plaintext:"this is a msg")
Prof: still, ciphertext shows more characters!
Me: *yeah no fucking shit, this isn't some mono/poly-alphabetic algorithm* ok...but I do not control the length of the ciphertext...? I only supply the prime numbers and this is what it gives me...? Also the code is working fine, i don't think there's any issue with the code but you can check it if there are any logic errors...
Prof: *stares at the screen like it just smacked his mom's ass* fine
Me: *FML*12 -
So now I'm working on my first collab with a fellow devRanter on a privacy website thingy! Excited and want to start working on it right away.
BUT OH NO I'VE GOTTA GO TO WORK IN 15 MINUTES TO STAND BEHIND A TABLE PACKING MOTHERFUCKING BOXES ALL DAY, YEAH NO THAT SOUNDS FUCKING COCKSUCKING EXCITING. (okay I can pay rant but still).
I need a hug 😞41 -
Answer from 3rd party software company: "we can't fix these bugs because it requires development on our side".. hehe, yeah, no shit 😂4
-
One of my friend at college asked me why her computer is running slow even when she is running only chrome.
Me: how much memory does it have?
Her: 1TB.
Me (somewhat confused): no no I meant RAM.
Her: yeah yeah it's one TB. I read the specifications of the laptop.
Me: *in my mind, fucking read it again* please read it again. You must have misread it.
Her( grinning face ): alright.
Guess who didn't talk to me for a week. 😂14 -
Multiple weird ones but one specifically where I fixed a bug over and over again and the second I pushed and deployed, the fix was gone both locally and remote.
I kept going more and more crazy and had rage attacks and such.
"Wait what, I changed and fixed this.. Let's try again"
"Huh, I definitely changed this..."
"Oh no, I fucking changed you"
"Go fuck yourself, I fixed this and pushed already, you can't just fucking disappear on me!"
"Oh yeah no of course, disappeared again, totally fucking logical. GET BACK HERE"
"I FIXED YOU A GAZILLION TIMES ALREADY, DON'T YOU DISAPPEAR ON ME AGAIN"
*NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I. FUCKING. FIXED. YOU"
It went worse and worse for a while and then I woke up with a "....ahh" feeling 😅2 -
Started working at a large company with promises of a great framework, stable environment and bleeding edge tools, decentralised working environment, only to find visual studio 2010, no git, no project management tooling whatsoever, all documentation stored on svn, no slack or other modern communications platform, still using uploaded word documents as documentation for projects and meetings, so yeah I can truly say :/11
-
Stupid fucking project managers, just posting some slurry in Slack:
"User can't get into app!" _sends useless screenshot_
Yeah? And? I have no context on what time this was, what device, where, how, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
You want me to just telepathically jump to their location on earth, sniff the electromagnetic spectrum waves to sleuth out what exact requests they made and when to figure out what the problem is?
Just shut up. Shut up14 -
- Hey it's lunch time!
- Yeah let me push these changes...
- No! You'll do it later.
- But, it will take 2 minutes!
- NO! WE'RE HAVING LUNCH NOW.
Windows crashes ._.3 -
I thought this launch (security/privacy blog) would go smooth:
- analytics fell, except for one thing, apart for yet unknown reasons
- MySQL came with a very weird error which took me like half an hour of research before I hacked my way past it.
- the firewall started to fuck around for no reason, works now though.
Nginx worked without issues though, as well as NetData 😅
Yeah, didn't go as planned :P10 -
Went to see Jason Bourne last night. No spoilers, but I'm guessing this is how the writers came up with the story:
Writer 1: Let's make it super techie
W2: Yeah, that way it's about current issues, like Internet privacy.
W1: Should we hire a tech consultant so we get things right?
W2: Nah, I saw the Matrix once, I understand computers.
Actual line from film:
"Use SQL to corrupt their database"
😑13 -
Friend: I don’t need git. Git is for people like you who cant do good backup of their code
Me: Yeah, yeah, go do whatever you like...
2h later comes to me:
Friend: Can you make me repo and show how to use it...?
Me: What..? You drunk?
Friend: Naaah, no... My disk broke while ago...
Karma is a bitch :D6 -
*job ad* We strongly adhere to TDD
Reality:
Me: yeah but shouldn't we write tests first and then get X finished?
Manager: No takes too much time, we finish X and then we decide if it's worth testing.
5 -
"I think I need to reinstall my python on ubuntu"
* proceeds to remove python
* ubuntu breaks
* tries to fix ubuntu
* ubuntu no longer goes to desktop
* cries
* tries not to cry
* cries a lot
Yeah moral of the story is never uninstall python (at least for ubuntu, idk other linux distros)16 -
LEARN THE FUCKING WORDS!
I know that English isn't the native language of my country, but for fucks sake, if I'm telling you the right way to say/write it, remember it!
It's called ROM not ROOM
It's called Mod not Mood
Am I good with Custom ROM's? Yeah
Am I good with Custom Rooms? No, I'm not a fucking interior designer
Am I enjoying Moto Mods? Of course
Am I enjoying Moto Moods? Vruum Vruum bitch.16 -
- We need a „Save Session“ - Button in the Navbar.
- No problem
- ... and the icon should be a thumbs up!
Yeah... uuuh... Makes perfect sense... 🙃3 -
Pro tip: As great as your product is, it's 1000x harder to pitch to my boss when it has a goofy-ass name.
Me: Hey boss, I came across some new software that'll help manage our mission critical database system.
Boss: Oh yeah, what's it called?
Me: WoolySocksDB Enterprise Edition
Boss: 😐... No.4 -
One day Bill Gates died and met god. God said "Now then, Bill, i'll show you heaven and hell and you can choose which one you want to go to. Sound good?"
"Yeah!,"replies Gates. So god takes Gates to hell first. In hell he shows him pretty maidens, beautiful landscapes and an endless supply of pop tarts. "So you like it?"he asks him. "Yeah, it's great,"Gates replies.
So god takes him to heaven. In heaven he shows him quite pretty maidens, quite beautiful landscapes and a not quite endless supply of pop tarts. "So bill have you made your choice?" "Yes, God. i want to go to hell," "OK then." And Bill Gates is whisked away to hell.
But it is not the hell he saw before. Here there are no pretty maidens, no beautiful landscapes and no pop tarts. Instead there are all the most horrible things ever. "Aaaahhhh! Where am I!"asks Gates. "In hell,"replies god. "But it's not how it was before!"cries Gates. "Aahh. That was just the demo Bill."3 -
Unexperienced digital immigrant: "Let's make a website, can you do this?"
Me: "Yeah."
"But you gotta use wordpress. We want to be able to change the content easily. Also we want to have that website done fast."
"Meh, ok."
one day later
"Are you done yet?"
Me: "No, I got to find a good way for the lightbox I'm still implementing to fetch data from posts blabla"
"Why are you not done yet? Just take a plugin, even I can do that. Wordpress is so easy, it's just 1, 2, 3 and done."
Yeah I have an idea. Why don't you just make the website yourself.4 -
Skype, on my laptop, updated the other day. It was like: 'Oh hey we're downloading skype for windows 10!', and I was like 'oh yeah? cool! ... wait, I'm not on Windows 10 WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING NO WAIT NO STOP'
And now it doesn't work. Yay!3 -
I love how some services have trap pricing, pretty much like drug dealers of the interwebs.
Me: I would like to send e-mail to my clients.
Company: Sure bro, here, take our service, you can send emails to all your clients, just 5€ per month!
A year later
Me: I have now over thousand customers, I would like to send more emails and implement some new features.
Company: Thousand customers you say?
Me: Yeah
Company: All in our servers you say?
Me: Yeah, thanks for the great service!
Company: Sure, no problem. We can enable you additional services for 40 000€ per month, half of your liver and two of your first born babies.2 -
Me to my family :
Family: so this printer not working
Me: have you installed its software
Family: no, can you do it?
Me: i could travel 1 hour or you can just google and download it, its really quite simp--
Family: yeah this is to complicated for me il need you to come over10 -
A friend just asked if I could get him an internship at the place I work. He has no computer/programming background at all but how hard could developing be.
So I informed him my CS degree required at least 7 math courses lowest being calculus.
You need to know math!?!?
Yeah we're the one who writes the programs that actually does the math for everyone else9 -
Dev: This could be sooooo easily optimized...
Me: Uhm. Don't think so. What's your idea?
Dev: Just use threads.
Me: Nope. Problem requires 3 shared resources per process step, it won't be faster by threading. Shared resource will only lead to locking contention, decreasing performance.
Dev: I don't think that will happen. Can you PROOF to ME that this will happen?
Me: It was your suggestion, so you should proof me wrong. Nice try, but no thanks.
Dev: Yeah, but it's too slow and it should run faster.
Me: If you cannot find a better approach than the current one, it runs as fast as it can while providing correct results. That's not slow. That's just working as intended and designed.
Dev: Yeah, but it's still slow.
....
You know these conversations where you just wanna rip some people's face off, stick it in the shit hole they use to talk and toss them out of the window....
Yeah. Had those conversations today.10 -
guys my mom is a PM help
shes been telling me what to do on my personal projects for the last to days like:
Mom: "Make it so when I click it, it becomes brighter and displays all the info"
Me: "I mean I could yeah"
Mom: "No you have to do it, I don't like it otherwise"
Me: "I understand, but this is kinda my thing-"
Mom: " k yeah and get it done in 2 days"
Me: "...yes, master"
(On a real note, she actually is a PM... what was I expecting...)12 -
Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."
Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"6 -
Published a well documented and tested API with project examples for basic use cases
- "Yeah we didn't use yours because we didn't know how to use it"
- "Did you look at the documentation or code examples?"
- "What where?"
- "In the repo you just cloned"
- "Yeah no <random guy> found a hacky way of doing what we want, his thing just works"
- "I..."4 -
No one uses Git, nor any code hosting service, but I'm the Junior.
Yeah okay, fuck you and your fucking siloes.
I won't tolerate lack of version control anymore, I'll be looking for the next "professional opportunity".11 -
Boss: We need health data for this iOS app.
Me: Cool, so we'll use apples HealthKit.
Boss: No that requires the user agrees to it.
Me: ... well yeah ... its private data.
Boss: No we need it to work regardless. If the user says no to HealthKit, just give them textfields for all the metrics HealthKit has and they can enter manually.
Me: .... but ... eh ....
Boss: and we'll partner with some companies and support their devices.
Me: ... see, the thing is ...
Boss: We also need to store it locally and then sync it to the cloud app. What do you think?
Me: ... ... ... no2 -
Damn, credit cards are so fucking secure these days that you hardly can BUY shit with them!
I need some special electronics that I only can get from a vendor in the US, which is overseas. Click click, buy, done. Well no, credit card refused. WTF? Click retry link. No, still refused. FUCK.
Called up the 24/7 hotline of my CC company. Oh yeah, that got blocked by the security system, somehow. We disable that for 20 minutes, just retry. Clicked retry link at the vendor. No failure mail. Hmmm, too good to be true?! Called up the electronics vendor. Yeah should work, stuff is in the warehouse stage. 40 minutes later: credit card declined. FUCK.
Called up the CC company again. Ok, disable blocker for one hour. Nice advice from them, tell the vendor it's only 45 minutes so that there's some buffer. Clicked retry link at the vendor and called them up to make sure that they retry before the time runs out.
LO AND BEHOLD, I could finally pay the shit!!8 -
Emotional roller coaster today.
+ Got first pull request! Hell yeah!
- oh, no, no no no nononono, they pushed all dependencies and temp folders...
fck sake isak, gather yourself
10 -
❤️ Swift ❤️
for (i = 0; i < polygon.count; i++) {
// some print statement
} **
This highly advanced and futuristic piece of code made the Swift compiler eat 14+ GB of RAM while trying to syntax-highlight, before crashing my 8 GB-equipped Macbook.
** yeah, "C-style 'for' loopz syntaxx deprecated since Swift 3 blah blah". Let's reinvent an industry-standard for no goddam reason, because Swift is the FUTURE, oh, and because fuck you by the way.3 -
Indian Programmer Woes 1:
Random Guy: hey you're a CS engineer right?
Me: yeah.....
RG: then can you hack the Facebook profile of my crush?
Me: ughhh.....No....
RG: then you're not a CS engineer.
Me: :/7 -
So, Twitter fired the entire Indian team (or almost, Im not so sure) and one person posted on LinkedIn that went like, "If you've been laid off, just learn something new and Upskill yourself."
Like yeah, no shit Sherlock.
I imagine this is the same kind of people who tell depressed people, "Oh, you're depressed? Just Cheer Up!"6 -
long && scam && rant?
At my parent's: phone rings..
Me: hi this is XYZ (in German)
He: hi this is ABC from Microsoft tecnical suport (strong Indian accent, sorry toall Indian devs who might feel offended, no intention)
Me: hi... (I'm learning for my exams and don't have a VM with Windows installed currently, so no time to "play")
He: we got some worrying data from your Windows computer. You might have a virus and we need to run a few tests to verfy it. Do you know what that is?
Me: yeah, a scam.
He: sorry, sir I didn't understand you, could you repeat?
Me: yeah, I know what " this" is. It's a scam, and we only deploy Linux here. (lie, we have Windows, Mac and Linux, as well as an iPhone, iPad and Android devices in the house, guess who is "support"...) But good luck with your next call.
He: (kind of friendly) oh. I see. Well have a nice day too.8 -
"Why are these guys faster than us at development?"
"The company that has received millions in investment and has a bigger development team? Yeah no clue man, I guess they are just better than us."5 -
[3:18 AM] Me: Heya team, I fixed X, tested it and pushed to production. Lemme know what you think when you wake up.
[6:30 AM] Me: Yo, I just checked X and everything is peachy. Let me know if it works on your end.
[9:14] Colleague A: Whoop! Yeah! Awesome!
[9:15] Boss: Nice.
[9:30] A: X doesn't work for me.
Me: OK, did you do M as I told you.
A: yes
Me: *checks logs and database, finds no trace of M*
Me: A, you sure you did M on production? Send me a sreenshot plz.
A: yeah, I'm sure it's on production.
Me: *opens sreenshot, gets slapped in the face by https://staging.app.xyz*
Me: A, that's staging, you need to test it on production.
A: right, OK.
[10:46] A: works, yeah! Awesome, whoop!
[10:47] Boss: Nice.
Me: Ok! A, thanks for testing...
Me: *... and wasting my time*.
[10:47:23] Boss: Yo, did you fix Y?
Courageous/snarky me: *Hey boss, see, I knew you'd ask this right after I fixed X knowing that I could not have done anything else while troubleshooting A's testing snafu since you said 'Nice' twice. So, yesterday, I cloned myself and put me to work in parallel on Y on order fulfill your unreasonable expectations come morning.*
Real me: No, that's planned for tomorrow. -
Whenever you meet someone who tells you he also knows programming
Me: 'So you said you are in programming, too?'
X: 'Yeah, I know how to program websites..'
Me: '..so I guess PHP and stuff?'
X:'No, I program in HTML and some CCS'4 -
Worst part of being a developer?
Everyone thinks you want to freelance a website for them...
Even when you're not a web developer
What do you do?
I write software.
Oh so you're good with computers and stuff?
Yeah
That's p sweet, can you build me a site?
No. 😃3 -
HTML Previewer: "Yeah it looks fine"
Chrome: "no your HTML fucking sucks, go back to coding school"
WYSIWYG in a nutshell1 -
wE oNlY uSe 10% oF bRaIn pOwEr
yeah, no shit, now go to your computer and launch 400 chrome tabs. Congrats, now you're using 100% of your computer performance. Does it work well now? Quick and snappy innit?
fucking muppets.16 -
"Hey, I've noticed that when I run this script, I get an error message. It says it has failed to do step x"
A: "Have you tried running it with sudo"
"Yeah, that works"
B: "NO WAY YOU SHOULD NEVER USE SUDO THAT'S A MAJOR SECURITY RISK, ARE YOU RETARDED RUNNING THINGS WITH SUDO IS EVIL"
"Do you have an alternative solution?"
*trjirp trjirp* 🦗🦗🦗6 -
"Hey Jamcris11,
Be apart of our cool programming project?"
"Hell yeah, sign me up".
Three weeks later.
Proceeds to me being the only person contributing to the project in anyway (despite having a full time job meaning little spare time).
Guy who invited me in the first place just plays fucking Minecraft all day (he doesn't have a job or college,) puts no effort into the project at all.
22 -
Ah the classic meeting terrorist....
Us: "These emails are working."
Rando customer on conf call: "No they aren't, I haven't seen any of these emails."
Us: "Is your email on the list?"
Rando customer on conf call: "No."
Yeah fuck you.
The rest of us are paying attention here, can you please shut the fuck up on the meeting.1 -
You know what really grinds my gears?
When a manager writes up some bullshit "this doesn't work".
Then you waste your time following up, and they say, "oh yeah, this so and so pop up came up with validation error X".
YEAH? AND I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WHEN YOU WRITE ABSOLUTELY NO STEPS TO REPRODUCE, JUST COMING TO ME WITH "HEY, X IS BROKEN" GOD JUST GET FUCKING 1% TECHNICALLY LITERATE THATS ALL I ASK FOR I'M SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT2 -
Almond: Look at these stats - our signup process sucks! We really need to make it better.
Boss: Yeah, maybe at some point. It doesn't affect live running though. Leave it for now.
<1 month later...>
Almond: These stats are getting worse. I really think we should redesign this to do x, y and z and avoid a, b and c.
Boss: Yeah, we probably should do at some point, but there's no rush. You can work on it if you really want to, but only if there's nothing else going on.
<2 months later...>
Boss: I'VE JUST SPOKEN TO TWO POTENTIAL CLIENTS, BUT OUR SIGNUP PROCESS SUCKS SO THEY'RE GOING ELSEWHERE! WE NEED THIS FIXED NOW!! WHERE ARE YOU ON THIS? CAN WE GET IT DONE AND DEPLOYED BY FRIDAY?!?!3 -
-Hey highonsleep you a webdesigner, right?
Me: no, frontend dev.
-Yeah right my dad needs a new logo for his firm, can you do it? We can't pay right now but we'll give you lots of paid design work in the future and it'd be good for your portfolio.
Me: whatthefuckingfuckLOL. *Unfriend/block/delete/remove*6 -
I love my notebook but still...
Fuck you to the person at Lenovo who thought that it would be a great idea to support 16gb of ram and then put 4gb internal ram into it.
I can add an 8gb stick to it, totalling at 12gb. There are no 12gb sticks (as far I am aware of) so yeah, fuck 16gb "supported" by the mainboard, 12 is the maximum.5 -
My girlfriend configuring her e-mail account in the app because her phone had to be reset to factory :
-I can't figure out how to do these setting, annoying...
-Oh yeah the imap and smtp servers can be tricky, let me put that
(I Google the settings for her mail provider and put them in)
-It still doesn't work.
-Uuuh, maybe with another security setting, try it.
-This shit still doesn't work, seriously my phone is broken.
-Have you verified the e-mail address and carefully typed the password?
-Yes of course, I've tried it several time
(I take the phone and check all the parameters... During a looooong time... Until it hits me.)
-Hmm... Can you read the e-mail you've entered?
-Yeah, it's my mail, blabla@hotmail.com.
-No can you read it again please?
-It's blabla, why?
-No, can you *spell* your e-mail?
-Yeah it's B-L-A-B-L-A-@-H-O-M-A... Ow shit...
- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -
A lot of the string operations in Python, because they are named like shit.
First you have startswith. No underscore. Just two words glued together. No case notation, nothing. So ugly and difficult to remember when Python isn't your only language.
And then there's tolower. Wait, no, it's actually just lower. If we're gonna stick with the shitty naming, can we at least keep the two-words, no underscore thing? No, I guess it's easier to save those two characters.
And isupper, the function to get supper from your iPhone.
Yeah, it's small. But aren't most of our gripes about languages tiny anyways.3 -
At work:
Why is there no refresh when we submit data into the tables?
Me: there is, but there is no page refresh, as it should be.
Them: but how do we know if the data is being added?
Me: well you can see it in the table right? Look there is even a small message over here **points at message** that indicates the entry code and position.
Them: yeah but how can we tell? Can you make it to where there is a page refresh?
Me:
12 -
Open source...
Apple: F*** Open Source!!!! Money's our god!!!!
Google: Let's make MONEYYYYYY... and then give code
Microsoft: Ya... ok... yeah... no... sry but we have do to some money...
Linux: OPEN SOURCE FOR EVERYONE!!!!! IT'S FREE!!!!!! hey... guys... what ain't you coming, I'm lonely *Play "sound of silence"*9 -
Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee1 -
13 fucking USD in shipping for a 9 USD rubber duck? Fuck no.
Spend $2 a month and most likely forget I am now subscribing to devRant++? Yeah, sure. Why not, right?
Seriously though, thank God for this platform, I'm luckily not the only one with struggles..5 -
I inherited some Java code from a guy that thought you could only return strings from a method.
So how did he ever pass anything other than a string, I hear you ask? He had a (hand crafted, using no libraries, and not escaping anything properly) toXml() and fromXml() method on each object.
Yeah...15 -
"iOS Development is easier"
Yeah, right? There's no dropdown, no checkbox, no radio button, no placeholder for multiline textfields, ...
Motherfck!
You have to manually do everything yourself and lay things out in their messy slow Xcode. Apple doesn't include important things only because they have randomly decided not to include them! Fuck this job.6 -
me: so can i use strlen?
intern: no!! you need it implement it!
me: *calls teacher* hey can i use strlen?
teacher: yeah, do as you please. who told u you can't use it?
me: *points at the other guy*
whoops i think i just got him in trouble today xd sorry not sorry, i want him gone so i can replace him hahaha jk4 -
**Me, while working on sql based project**
Manager: Does anyone knows java! Want a sample login screen written in java.
**I'm the only one in my team to know java, thus raised my hand**
Me: It's done. Mailed you the .java file.
Manager: I can see my password
Me: I fuckn hate myself. ***Forgot to set password field as password type***
Manager: you are no different than others.
Me: Yeah..😶 **f@#& you**1 -
*In a lecture
Lecturer: Consequences of Distributed Systems
Students: **attentive as fudge**
Lecturer: Heteroginity
Students:
Lecturer: Independent Failures
Students:
Lecturer: No global 'COCK'
Students: WHOOOOA, global what?...that escalated fast
Lecturer: I mean no global 'CLOCK'
Students: yeah right, can we use cock though?2 -
Going live on Friday afternoon.
- no way, too many critical bugs! - I said
- we will - the Key account manager said.
Friday is here, still many critical bugs, I was right, it's impossible.
The Key account manager just dropped all functionalities with critical bugs and tricked the customer into thinking it's ok.
So we go live.
He was right, we can.
Oh yeah.6 -
Me: We really need to improve our unit test coverage.
Team/Boss: <sarcasm> Haha yeah.
Production Bug: I'm doing something nasty to a client, because a dev broke something but no test coverage.
Boss: How could we have prevented this?!1 -
Do you ever have those weeks where you have to fix a bug, then uncover another bug then another then another. Then you realise some functionality is completely missing. You write tests to cover your bug fixes and new functionality. Then you realise tests are broken with your fixes and you have no idea why. Then you get so frustrated you start making silly mistakes. Then your debugger starts playing up.... Yeah that's been my week.5
-
Sales guy calls up from overseas and complains website we got developed from another vendor is not working.
Being just the middle man who project managed the website development with the offshore vendor, I had no clue what was wrong as the site was working fine and "worksforme" was not going to be acceptable answer for the costumer demo.
Being an embedded drivers guy, had no idea to debug this, except one:
Me: Which browser are you using?
Him: I.E
Me: try any browser other than I.E
Him: it works. Thanks
Boo yeah1 -
I now understand why we have multi-core processors. So that a process that dun shit the bed doesn't hog the whole fucking CPU! Of course at the expense of "yeah our shitty software can hog the CPU no problem, there's now several cores anyway". Hardware solving the crap that software presents, yet again.6
-
I can't tell you how much I hate people who make articles doing relatively simple things, in node, and instead of showing how to do it, they proceed tell you to install a fucking package (usually made by them)
Yeah no thanks, it's great that you figured this out and took the time to "enlighten" other devs but I'll just look at your repo and use the native JavaScript functions you wrapped on myEgoInflatingPagacke.justAWrapperHuehue(). Bye.1 -
Too tired to rant.
The wasp, remember? yeah I finally got angry yesterday when it showed up again, so today I bought a spray can and sprayed it. mofo finally gave in and left from the window.
The bastard didn't die after half a can, no, IT FUCKING LEFT!
GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!15 -
Sometimes am really pissed off with stack overflow, it won't let you comment if you have less points.
Its like yeah, you can make an answer with every stupid shit possible but no, you can't comment or get any good author's attention, he might be meditating -_-6 -
potential client, wondering why i don't answer any of his messages or calls: "I hope I haven't done anything wrong!?"
yeah dude, continually calling me MULTIPLE times after 5PM on friday (second friday in a row) is one way to "do something wrong"
these "business" types know no bounds
2 -
Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?
Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...
Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...
Me: I already have a job.
Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.
Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!
Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.
Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?
Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...
Me: Yeah, please delete my file...4 -
Guy1-Have you seen the new iPhone ?
Guy2-Yeah, blablabla like Samsung
Guy1-Blablabla
Guy2-Like Microsoft
Me-OMG STFU no one cares3 -
Making a small update to an ionic app then spending a whole day trying to figure out why a button doesn't work. Tried everything to fix it and got no error messages.
Finally discovered it was because the button was inside a label and not a div.
Yeah, fun times. -
So I wrote code to show the FUNCTIONALITY of my module , which has temporary variables and temporary code.
Boss after verifying : so it's done right ?
Me: no the code needs to be written .
Boss : but it's working...
Me : yeah , but this is a test environment , I need to put everything in place and test .
Boss : so it'll be done in 15 minutes right ?
Me : ...
Boss: ... -
On the gitlab incident livestream description on youtube I noticed this:
"No, nobody was fired"
Yeah right. They probably beat him, raped him, burned him, crucified him, raped him again. But no there were no firing involved.9 -
My biggest distraction: Working at home. I have a student job at my university and work at home. Just visit my boss every other week to show him the results.
So I always thought it's amazing to work at home. No need to travel to the work space, I can arrange my time as I like, noone's constantly watching what I'm doing.
Sounds great, right? Yeah it is, but is it productive? Lol no.
I'm getting distracted by everything. New mail about some kickstarter stuff, one hour wasted. "Can you help me with that computer problem?" Yeah sure. "Wanna play some League of Legends with us?" Sure, but just one round, I need to work. Ten rounds later I wrote like three lines of code.
I could ignore all that stuff, but I'm at home and can do whatever I want, right?
Results in me working through all night, because then there's noone to distract me.2 -
Microsoft after changing the toolbar buttons layout in Outlook from horizontally aligned on the bottom to vertically aligned on the left edge:
"Yeah there is absolutely no way to fit the To Do and the Notes buttons together with the other three on the left edge. We need a popup menu there!"
11 -
Just got my stickers today! Finally get to start my sticker collection on the back of my laptop! I showed a few people and they said "You spent $15 on stickers? You could have spent that on gas". But I like stickers more than going places, so there was no question about it for me (plus I had like $25 in change that I cashed out last night).
So, yeah. Got my stickers and I'm happy about them
4 -
"Yeah, I got your e-mail, I see the subject. Oh no, dude, it says urgent so it went straight to the URGENT queue. Yeah? Ah. Sure, I'll get to it as soon as I get through the ASAP, NOW and YESTERDAY queues. Well, if you wanted me to read it right away you should've say there's NO HURRY - I read only one no-hurry e-mail a day but there's currently 0 tasks on that queue."
-
The devs I work with. One more so than the other, but seeing as this is my first dev job, and I have no formal training, they've been my mentors. Yeah, we disagree and argue - but they're bloody good quality, and I'm very lucky to be learning from them.
-
I hate JS...
I hate CSS...
What can be worse ? ...
*guy at work* : hey what do you think about CSS in JS, should we try it for our codebase ?
*other* : yeah why not ?
Me : *make a gun with my fingers, gently putting it in my mouth, remember all good things in life, no regrets* *gun noise*
Kidding, I love javascript.
But I seriously hate CSS and UX stuff.
2 -
me: Have you heard of Murphy's law?
them: Yeah.
me: What is it?
them: If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
me: Right, have you heard of Cole's law?
them: No, what is it?10 -
So... C++... Yeah.
> Manage to get a MinGw compiler working in VSCode, and all is "well and good".
> Have difficulties installing SDL, follow tutorial verbatim.
> Compile error.
> 7 hours later no progress.
> 10 hours later no progress.
> 16 hours later no progress.
*Throws laptop at wall*3 -
Yesterday at work the internet went out. Our director of IT stopped by our cubes and the conversation that followed went like this:
Director: "Is the internet out for you guys?"
Us: "Yeah"
Director: "But you can still check your emails right?"
Us: ".... No?"
Director: "But the phones are working!"
*Director walks away to talk with our networking group*3 -
Yeah I'm an adult. No, it doesn't bother me that 6 years ago on the school trip I wasn't cool enough to be invited to the girls rooms eventhough my stupid friend was. Doesn't bother me one bit7
-
"this office, that is located 2000 miles from here needs a network because of we decided to renovate the entire office starting today.
Can you fix no later than tomorrow?"
We were not notified about this before.
We did not have the equipment.
It is impossible to get an hotel room atleast two month in advance.
Yeah3 -
Yeah! Have one week to write from scratch a standalone app with an embedded db that I've never worked with in an area that I have close to no knowledge and it's all my fault , wish me luck 🙏3
-
everybody in tech who got laid off: "remember your employment is just a business decision"
yeah, no shit
though you all were smart engineers3 -
Wtf. So if I say I'm a web developer and I say I'm from Russia. Then I am automatically a hacker for you? "Web developer + Russian = 95% chance of being a hacker". Yeah, right. Since now, right after I say I'm from Russia I always add this: "No, I'm not a hacker and no, I didn't hack the last election, but I can tell you your last four digits of your SSN if you show me your debit card". Guess what, no one wants to talk to me anymore.12
-
Each sprint lasts for 2 weeks. But I get the basic info to start working on my stories only when 3/4th of the sprint is completed....
So yeah....no one gives shit about estimation at least in my case.6 -
I hereby officially revoke my rant on Paint.NET:
https://devrant.com/rants/2393372/...
After some review I've gotta say, despite its shortcomings it is pretty good for what it is.
So yeah, gonna own that error in judgement.
(Eclipse still sucks though. No error there.)2 -
"This guy already has a job and probably gets contacted 30 times a week by other recruiters. I'm gonna send him a message telling him that I need a developer, no job description and no salary specified, with a company he never heard of. Yeah, he will totally send me back his resume"2
-
> Run 'All Tests' with Coverage
No tests failing
Coverage >95%
Hell yeah! I've tasted TDD and I don't want to look back!2 -
no fucking documentation
no fucking explaination
and your example doesn't even work
let's just run around in circles until we all die
waiting to exit this 🤡 world
yeah, i know, everyone is like "why can't you chill more"
because this what we are stuck doing 8-9 hour a day!!!!!! this is literally our lives just wasting away!!!! and it's not even fun anymore; you can't enjoy it if everyone is so fucking incompetant any step at being productive is fucking battle
god so sick of it4 -
When a client says they no longer have time for one of their websites and asks you to make it completely autonomous.
Yeah sure, I'll go ahead and install Skynet on it right away!
I no longer have any motivation to work with that client. -
Senior[0]: emacs is the best text editor
Senior[1]: yeah, right. It literally stands for Emacs Makes A Computer Slow.
ME: GNU loves recursive acronyms, don't they?
Senior[0]: lol
Senior[1]: lol
ME: what?
Senior[0]: he obviously made it up
Senior[0]: no, I didn't. Use vim ffs. -
Just finished setting up PiHole on my RaspberryPi.... no more adblock extensions with shitty performance... no more custom hosts files... and network level adblocking for all devices...
FUCK YEAH
oh, and I added so many lists that it now blocks about 350k domains (ads and malware)
Today was a good day.. time to hibernate...4 -
So ... Yeah ... I survived a week in my holiday apartment with no wifi...
Now to wait for that phone bill 😂 oh well -
Pffff...... Wanna make an app tomorrow...
Got no clue what to make....
Maybe something with big AI learning data machine. Yeah I think that hits all the right buzzwords :P
Any ideas you're willing to share?2 -
dad: yeah sure , that's why no laptop is working well in this house
all three laptops are older than 4 years and use 5400 rpm hdds and also are full of my parent's stuff. -
BAT0 (Charging - 100% remaining time 00:00:00), health 100.0%: 8.318V 0.592A 4.92426W
Fuck yeah!! No more "Charging - 186%", no more "health 54%". I feel alive again!!!!2 -
Senior Dev Idiot: "Ugh, I have another meeting with my business users because they forgot how to use my app. I JUST had a training session with them last week too. Users are soo stupid!"
Yeah... No. If your users can't remember how to use your app after a damn week, that means your app is shit and not intuitive or user-friendly enough. YOU are the stupid one.8 -
So my time saver automation can not be used because automation is not reliable.
Yeah sure make me extract data manually from 800 urls by hand and see if there is no human error.
Fuck my life.5 -
Priceless advice to all. Never agree to work on a project where graphic designers are overseeing it. You will be installing a scripty handwritten font the week before go live, changing out images but the ecommerce portion has not yet been implemented much less tested. I thought I would be implementing a typical Shopify site but no it is "story telling" they say. Oh yeah go live is 4 days away.5
-
Rust devs on social media are the vegans of the programming world.
Yeah, we get it, you like your hot new programming language. I'm not bashing the language, I've never used it so I'd have no right to say anything about it.
But holy hell, you guys don't have to show up in every discussion about programming languages that aren't Rust to evangelicize how great Rust is. Like damn, there could be a thread on Twitter about Python and you'd be like "yeah Python's great but have you ever heard of our lord and savior, Jesus cRUST?"
Just shut up lol.12 -
Just came across this absolute gem:
https://developer.blender.org/T5323...
"Yeah it's slow but it was _designed_ to be slow therefore it's no problem whatsoever"6 -
Call me crazy all you want, but I love my tangled mess of cords
Yeah yeah, I know, I know, wouldn't I just love a cordless setup and workspace ...
NO
Bluetooth devices are at best unreliable and at worst don't even work with Linux
I want to just be able to plug my shit in and work, not wait for everything to sync and hope I don't have connectivity issues
Call it living in the past all you want, I don't care. I love my cords
Fuck you and your bluetooth shit2 -
One of my interviews....
Interviewer: Do you know the welknown hack that increases the speed of embedded tomcat two times than default??
Me: what?? it even exists???
interviewer: yes... it exists... I know it... normally I share the answers with the interviewees... are you interested to hear the hack???
Me: Hell yeah...
Interviewer: ohh no... I will not share with you...
me: whyyy???
interviewer: I don't like your current boss...
Me: Fuck my life(inaudible)... facepalm..3 -
Does anyone else feel like HackerRank questions are trick questions?
Without a textfield to explain the answer It highly depends on how deeply you think about it..
Can you do x with technology y?
Yes.
Can you do x with technology y alone?
Well yeah but no, you still need something to process it. What does "alone" mean? Without electricity you sure can't do anything.
Extreme example but you get my point..6 -
15 minutes delayed because whatever...
+30 minutes waiting for the next train, because my train stopped early because there was no AC and it were 38 degrees Celsius
+30 minutes, train I was changed to was delayed
Train I was changed to only had snacks to offer because they haven’t got water
+60 minutes on this train because, well why not
„We wish you had a pleasant journey“: notification pops while I’m still 2 hours in...
Yeah fuck off...1 -
I fucking told them that yes, i can do frontend but im in no way expert, so dont expect much.
"Yeah, cool, use angular"
I was full of questions and tried to reason with them that angular is literally just an unnecessary load and would slow the development down (its a really simple site).
"No, use angular"
Ok fine whatever. So i built the site, it was ugly as fuck, half the functionality was hacked in with jquery because i have no idea how these fucked up frameworks work (or apparently dont work) when i realized that i get jackshit from the backend.
Turns out most of the json responses were totally disregarding the json standard, like {1: tag0},{2: tag1}, where a json arrat should have been used. The other half was xml. Yeah. Also of course they used spring so the backend took like 3 months where it could have been done in like 2 weeks.4 -
Business: "should we use this technology?"
Developers: " probably not but we will do a full investigation and give you a report on the pros cons and our professional opinion... No we should not use that technology"
Business: "oh yeah why you guys were off seeing if it would work we did the deal so now we have to use it"2 -
Had my junior test at work yesterday, and...oh boy. I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life.
>inb4 "welcome to the real world kid"
Yeah yeah I know but god damn, this was too much. I heard from seniors that you get used to everyday stress, it comes with the job, but junior test ( aka "stress test") is the breaking point for most "new" arrivals.
The test itself tho is not even that hard. Dealing with so much stress and time pressure for the first time is what gets you. Not knowing what happens if you don't pass certainly doesn't help.
I broke down at one point and even after finishing, going home (got no sleep) and coming back today, that feeling of hopelessness is still there.
No real point to this rant, I just needed to vent6 -
Non techie colleague: ... Yeah she really likes sending gifs
Me: is it 'gif' or 'jif'
Non techie: "I don't know 'gif' - 'jif', no 'jif just sounds weird"
Me: ah but the creator called them 'jifs'
TECHIE colleague: yeah well he's just wrong!7 -
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown* -
So I'm working on a Gnome shell extension. Which is a nice integration wtih Todoist. It's far from done but it's starting to shape up.
From all projects and things I've done, this is a pain. There is almost no documentation so I'm almost entirely reliant on source codes of other extensions.
And yeah, stackoverflow isn't going to help you...
Fun project nevertheless :) Reminds me of the time I worked in WINAPI.
9 -
When you have to made a little game with javascript, and because it's your first game you made a beautiful maze with lot of wall.
Ahahah... i'm shit.
I forgot wall have collision.
I'm here now, with 40 different fuckin' walls and much if and else if conditions.
I hate me.
Yeah i know, I can just change my maze but no... I'm lazy. Cry against the collisions is better.
Have good day.9 -
So now I’m working with this code that is roughly documented because ”variable names are self-explanatory”.
Yeah, you just forgot that FORTRAN does not support utf-8 variable names...
Why utf-8? Because then if I see:
real :: 座標(3)
I would understand that you mean ”zahyō”, the usual 3D position array ”r(3)”, but no, I need to deal with:
real :: zah(3)
yeah...🙃🔫16 -
Me: Hey what's the default password for this?
Classmate: password?
Me: yeah the password. What is it by default?
Classmate: no that's it. Just "password"
Me: :/ -
Oh my god. I woke up and read stan lee was rushed to the hospital. I was actually feeling horribly sad and then I read that he was in stable condition and was like heck yeah!!! No one taking him yet.
-
Fuck stupid managers.
My current agency tried to create a bundle of generic Microservices with the hope of save time and money on future projects. That was two years ago (i was working here from 4 months ago).
What they have now? well, a sort of distributed monolyth were if one service goes down, everything else fails, infinite technical debt, no security policies (yeah, all the apis are open!!!) Business rules on the frontend . . .
And what the stupid manager say? "Everything must be ok because i designed it very well, i research a lot for this"
Stupid boomer.
PD: Yeah, despite the fact he is judt a manager, he take the responsibility to design the full architecture, idk why no one srops him.4 -
does anyone else feel that "developers are on high demand" and "if you're a good developer you should have no problem getting a job" is kind of a lie that the industry sells to you?. I mean I didn't expect to polish my linkedin profile and get 20 offers but damn. Yeah I see a lot of job offers on multiple platforms. Yeah I apply for them. Yeah I never hear back from most of them. (I have a bit more than 1 year of experience) I don't wanna work for FAANG, I'd just like an entry/middle job on an industry I like8
-
So yeah, apparently i am supposed to take part of 'meating'.
I would love to say its joke/meme but no, not really, that happened.6 -
yeah I am a software engineer.
yea I am a programmer too.
yeah I am behind my laptop all the time..
but no I don't want to fix your computer.
I have no interest in changing your windows, installing antivirus on your pc and so on..
just understand it , God damn these shit people :( -
Ever have one of those days where you're just:
"Man i don't want to get into THAT right now, don't know why but I just don't...."
Then a task jumps out at you.
"Oh shit that, yeah I want to do that!"
I don't know what the difference is but sometimes one task seems more motivating for no reason at all.2 -
You know when you work with an incompetent team or organization? No one
knows what they are doing and there is no competent leadership to set high standards and
people are making their own bullshit up? Yeah? That's my current workplace.3 -
I just got out of working 10 hour days and alternating Saturdays at work for the head honchos to say "Yeah, you guys have a month before you're all laid off. We're giving your job to the group that helped you during the busy season."
So guess what I get to do: job hunt!
Except no one in my area is hiring Linux System Administrators and my wife doesn't wanna move.1 -
My boss (Peter) canceled the meeting for today.
Talking to my coworker:
Me: I had a feeling there would be no meeting.
Coworker: Yeah? What made you think that?
Me: When Peter came to me and said, "There is no meeting today." I had a feeling there would be no meeting.
Coworker: That is some pretty strong intuition you have there. <laughing>
Me: I may have been jumping to conclusions though.
Coworker: <laughing harder>3 -
Company A: Oh yes we work with this huge tech company all the time and our APIs are just amazingly well made! DONT WORRY!
Company B: Yeah we've worked together once or twice and nothing seemed to go wrong the last time. DONT WORRY!
Reality: 11 API warnings, no data transfer and a SQL error meaning nothing I've been working on actually worked. #Rantover2 -
One of my freind's sister came to me yesterday, and asked me if i can help(basically do the entire thing) her by making a website, which she has to make as a project. She is in 10th standard so it has to be a very simple website, just some text and images and stuff... I was like YEAH easy pesy... And then i opened my laptop and started working on that... No plugins, no bootstrap, no framework, no jquery, no nothing... And i was just like wth dude how and i supposed to do anything with this shit. But then i somehow finished that, now on my way to show her... Hope everything goes well🙁🙁16
-
Sometime in the near future…
"Hey Joe, how's the new robot working out?"
"Oh it's great, except that we have no more shampoo in the house."
"…"
"Yeah, apparently it got its hands on a bottle and infinite-looped on Lather, Rinse, Repeat." -
So.. Yeah.. A huge corp decided they no longer need a dba. For at least 2 months, starting DEC.
Ora, enterprise features - all the way in. Meaning only dbas have the knowledge
I've got some corn to pop. Anyone fancy to join?4 -
> develops a long form with reactive input boxes that shows wether the data inserted follows the correct format
> client goes "ok now make it a WhatsApp chat"
> "A WhatsApp chat?"
> "Yeah like you ask the questions of the form with the chat and the customer needs to answer through WhatsApp messages, just copy and paste everything you've already done in the browser"
I swear to god, some people have no fucking clue how development works2 -
"I have this idea which brings me and you a lot of money. But i can't pay you yet, you have to work for free. And no, the idea isn't already coded there is nothing like it. If you can code it, i will give you 1000$ if it's released."
Yeah, well, no. If i've anything learned in may short career of coding professionally: Do nothing for free. If it's a good idea and you can stand behind it, do it with a contract which guarantees you at least a basic salary.
Sorry for my bad english. Not native -
Meetings would be better without people.
I mean I like the IDEA of meetings...
Honestly I'm the type of person who if I could would schedule lots of meetings to make sure we're all on the same page, and to be sure the thing is going to do the thing everyone wants / get their perspective, etc. I really want to KNOW what the folks who are going to use this thing need / want / what works best for them.
On the other hand I know that meetings are often more like:
Me: "Ok let's so here's our data, now tell me what fields they want to edit and so forth."
People: "All of them."
Me: "Uh, no you don't want that or they'll break everything ... X, Y and Z require those fields for A, B, and C to work."
Me: "Let's go field by field and you tell me if they need to edit it, and why."
People: "Yeah this first one they have to be able to change this one."
Me: "Wait no, that's the primary key for that table, I don't know why that's on this list but no you can't change that."
People: "Yeah we have to be able to change that."
Me: "No, you can't, do you even know what that number IS?"
People: "Um... no ..."
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻2 -
So I got some new methods to call, when I tried to call them the usual way, it didn't work quite well.
Surprised, I asked the coder of them.
"Yeah, we're using the new way, you don't mind ?"
nah, no problem, I'm starting to develop my skill in divination and mind reading, that was just my usual training.1 -
Boss: so we've got to call an app to verify data in this project. But I've got no more info and I'm on holiday next week. Please contact GuyA next week.
Me: ok I guess?
*writes email to GuyA*
GuyB: GuyA is on holiday please hold the line
*1 week later*
GuyA: we need more time it's not ready yet
*2 weeks later?
Me: so?
GuyA: yeah it's ready here's the wsdl etc your client already has the password
*1 week later*
Me: yeah so I got the data but the api says my auth isn't working
GuyB: yeah your user isn't activated on the test system. I'm gonna forward that and come back at you
*1 week later*
GuyA: so we're going live in about 2 weeks hows testing going?
Me: well I'm still waiting for the response and activation
*suddenly it works*
Me: yeah so auth is working but i can't find any data. Is there any special test data?
GuyA: oh no there is NO test data on the test system. You need to wait for GuyB but he us not here today...
Me: are you fking kidding Me?????
... no response since then and it's been days.... -
Recruiter for a well known company somehow finds my personal email, no biggie - it's not the first time they've contacted me. I decide to give it a shot, phone interview is scheduled, they're a no show. Email them 10 after, they want to reschedule, I do a reschedule. Again, no show. Yeah, it's like that... I haven't even heard back now. Seriously, how do these people even hold jobs?
-
Best client I have ever experienced. Kappa
So, I got job to recreate one old website, because the old one was incredibly fucked up. She told us, it was made by someone retarded.
The code was fucked up even more than UI. It was definitely written by some kind of idiot. Diacritics, mixed languages, no OOP, no FW, just copy&paste. Yeah copy and paste for every page.
The DB was another level of shit. Inifine is not enough to describe it. Column names with whitespace, diacritics, uppercase, lowercase...pure hell. Yeah and I had to import it.
Whenthe new website was ready for testing I got an email from her that it was her who made the website... HER!! Fucking hell, no more of this please!1 -
Just been watching some police soap on YT with "real police officers in action". Haha, yeah.
Huh, what's that outside, flashing blue light? Oh, a police car. No, two. Three. Actually, four. All of the guys rush into the neighbour house, WTF. Real police officers in action. -
Content strategy expert: How long would it take to program an SVG animation intro video
Me: I'm not sure I've never programmed one before.(still teaching myself)
Content expert: iS it even possible?
Me: yeah all things are possible in programming ;)
Content expert: so then how long would it take
Me: no.
Content expert: but wouldn't it be easier if...
Me: no, go away2 -
So yeah, despite the technological advancements at present. Paying a lot of money just to have an internet connection with a maximum speed of only 5mbps, and having no connection during the evening.5
-
When your boss says "no we don't need you present for the deployment on Saturday at 4:00 am." And your PM chimes in and says, yeah you can log in remotely." FML
-
I spent about 45 mins this morning going through memes and gaming videos till my workstation finished doing updates.
On one side: fuck updates, what in the holy fuck.
On the other side: fuck yeah, down time to do bs.
I ain't even gonna bitch about Microsoft. It is what it is. Legit no complaints.
Just wish the process was maybe a lil bit similar to Debian updates maybe. Just maybe.11 -
-- Senior Colleague: You're always slow to reply your slack messages... Seems like your brain is running on iOS 2.0 with 2mb ram
-- Other colleague: Yeah... It's better than yours which is still on prototype.
-- Me: Cortana... Do Jellyfishes have brain?
-- Cortana: No, they don't but they're really pretty.
-- Boss: **walks in**
-- Everybody: 👩💻👩💻👩💻👩💻1 -
I actually have a quite good social life..
I keep at least 2 nights per week to spend time with my friends and drink!
The only issue is that no one of them are in tech. But yeah, as said in a previous rant, i'd like to have dev friends, mentor..6 -
Cooking.
Murderous cooking.
Anger management cooking.
Joke aside, I mostly have no clue what I'm doing.
Cooking and gardening (sadly no longer a possibility) are two thing where my brain goes out and I just do it.
It has happened more than once that this has failed... But most of the time it goes surprisingly well.
I'm absolutely not an accurate or refined cook.
I hate cutting stuff "even sized"… I hate when it looks perfect. I hate swiping off drops of the plate so it looks more refined....
So yeah, it might look like puke. But it's tasty. XD11 -
Day 2 of trying to get into android development with flutter.
- Downloads Android Studio
- Tries to download Android-SDK from Android Studio's SDK Manager: "Error: Android SDK is missing or out of date".
YEAH NO FUCKING WAY, THAT'S WHY I'M TRYING TO DOWNLOAD IT.
- Uninstalls flutter and android studio
Lost all motivation to get into mobile development again.7 -
Average social media experience
Post: Guys, I have such a headache right now ughh.
Comments:
#1. Omg, so relatable haha.
#2. Yeah I literally have a migraine rn. LITERALLY.
#3. I am in the MRI room while I read this thread. You have no idea how easy you've got.
#4. Backenders are only about being an asshole. Also, JS rules and you know it.
#5. I like trains.4 -
How to fuck a web developer:
1- Introduce a shiny new shitty web component that is nearly impossible to figure out how to change it’s fucking background color, yeah.
Welcome everyone to 2019 why even it was so easy to change and customize your own shit, let’s just introduce thaaa faaacking web components and fuck everyone else. Let everyone learn again how to do the simplest shit ever.
Yes fuck everyone that is used to change and customize in an easy way.
“yUo wAnT uS nOt tO UsE SoC anD cLEan koOde?”
No no no. We will fuck you instead.2 -
When you get to work with the Analytics side if the warehouse and one of the guys wants you to learn d3. Js to take a csv to make a html site.
Me: hell Yeah can't wait to make crazy circle graphs and line graphs for everyone in analytics
Analytics: Oh, we just need you to take the csv files and copy the same excel format to a html site. So, table, table, table, table.
Me: so...... No visualization graph
Analytics: No.
4 -
A house.. or lego star destroyer..😝😆
Joke aside, I'd rewrite current project from scratch to get rid of all the automation and IE dependancies and make it cross browser and all the dead code...and all excess ORMs and especially EFCF..and also make support for db diff than oracle..and no need for ora client installation..
Yeah, I'm a work junky, I have no projects of my own.. one kid is demanding enough of my time.. 😉3 -
Holly fucking crap
After my review meeting on friday last week this morning was called again by our technical manager, accounts manager and sales manager set e down
TechManager: Ok so after our meeting we deliberated with the rest of the management board
and we decided to add more responsibility to your plate
AcManager: yeah we feel that you can be of assistance to the organization
TechManager: Yeah our technical department is short stuffed and since you also do technical stuff we want you to also be taking charge of the department whilst I'm not in the office...
But we have some areas we are not happy and those areas will need to be improved on
any questions?
Me: No
(thinking: ok this is an opportunity for me to ask for a raise )1 -
It's so fucking hard to explain my job to people who don't have slightly idea about it
Person : what you do?
Me : Web development
P : what's that?
M : you know websites on internet for users or clients for products/information bla bla bla
P : like amazon, facebook, xyz ?
M : Yeah you get it
P : so you develop facebook?
M : huhh.... No not that I'm not working for FB that's a different company we create websites according to clients.
(Inner me: why don't you fuck off already)
P : huh... Okay ( no fucks given )1 -
The annual end of year meeting that takes a 3 day offsite so we can list 21 new enterprise projects to be completed the upcoming year - hehe 😅
-
*laughs like a crazy mad man*
It's finnaly fucking happening!
No more need for developer mode and now I just need to wait for gamemaker studio 2 to be released on Linux (yeah it'll never happen I know)
-
Real story:
Started fixing one file in one repo, build, doesn't build, go into other repo fix just one file there, but first I need to make myself a toolchain, making of toolchain fails because it depends on some dirty fix in the file I was fixing, refactor and clean that to a proper state, fuck yeah toolchain builds, source toolchain run make now, breaks with undefined reference, no time to debug plus fuck this automake, remove it, make a makefile, builds fuck yeah, shit now unittest are failing because why not, refactored that makefile as well, everything compiles, automate the test fully so that they are ran on the target out of make just because I'm a nice guy, fuck yeah everything works, commit this repo, commit other repo, review time, one of the guys gave up, the other one did it properly, found some shit there, fix that, done, merge, triggers CI fucking pass
All of this was done in 3h, Talk about efficiency -
Corona shows that certain webshops were bought up cheaply and can't handle large loads. The fact that my shopping cart constantly crashes, the website itself crashes, flips between logged in and logged out, state is constantly corrupted and.. every so now and then I get 500 server errors, yeah, clear signs of no load balancing policy.
Everyone is raping the shopping sites right now.
I hate cheapskates. -
LXC, no doubt.
I mean to be fair, LXC is an amazing container runtime once you manage to set it up. But setting it up is the hard bit. Starting off with LXC 2.x, it was a nightmare to find out how to get things like the storage backends working. But with ZFS it ended up being alright. Find some arcane values to stick in the /etc/lxc/default.conf to use ZFS as the backend and then the default storage location on those ZFS pools (I'll get back to that later), and it worked alright. Again, once it works it's great, but setting it up and finding the right configuration keys is absolute hell.
So, LXC 2.x for a while and a few months ago I finally ended up upgrading to 3.x. Every single configuration key changed. Every single one of them, and that's why I had to 1) learn LXC all over again, and 2) redeploy each and every one of my containers. That process is still not entirely completed. ZFS backend was once again a dive into arcane configuration keys found on forums and whatnot. Yeah.. official documentation has none of it. Oh and in 3.x you now also have to dodge the torrent of "just use LXD m8" messages. Yeah, very helpful when LXD is also the ONLY way to reasonably configure it. Absolutely beautiful. Oh and as far as the ZFS default storage location goes (such as ssd/lxc/ct)? Yeah forget about it. There's no configuration option for it anymore, and the default is "lxc". In ZFS lingo that means that LXC has the audacity to demand a whole pool for itself. No. No you don't deserve a whole pool for yourself. But hey at least you can define the storage location to use in the lxc-create command! Every single time you have to define it in lxc-create. I abstracted it away into my own LXC interface, so no big deal really. But yeah... That could absolutely be better. And in 2.x it was actually better.
Oh and btrfs, the filesystem I'd like to use on low memory systems because ZFS' ARC is too much on such systems? Yeah forget about it. I still have no idea how to do it. Thank you LXC and its amazing documentation!
And if you want the icing on the cake for LXC's terrible documentation, see their repo's index page at https://github.com/lxc/lxc/.... Yeah, it's totally still at 2.x... That's how well they maintain that. Even Debian has 3.x now. And if you look at the branches, you'll find that even 4.x is already available and considered stable. -
YouTube lyrics error
Fired up DOM tools and JS console.
Look at some of the codes.
Found out it is extension problem.
Contacted musixmatch
no answer except automated email that they are looking after it.
Then, realized just now. (Yeah, now.) that I don't need lyrics just to hear a song. Wasted 3 days and 14 hours until now. Shit.
7 -
Me: hey guys there seems to be an integration problem?
Vendor: hacky workaround
Me: no that’s a hacky workaround, please check the integration
Vendor (sometime later): yeah so we made an engineering change like, a while back, which fundamentally alters stuff.
Me: so shit is fucked because you don’t think customers should be informed ahead of release? Dude do you not want our money? -
Company now sends everyone to home office.
Expected - "Yeah! No more time spent with bus/subway. I can finally escape from people stopping me when I'm ready to leave."
Reality - "mail received at 8pm and phone ringing 'did you get that file? Need it ready ASAP.'"2 -
Ok...
FUCK ASUS
...
FUCK THEM...
PREBUILD PC? YEAH... BROKE AFTER A FUCKING YEAR... AN ASSFUCKED YEAR! HOW COULD SOMEONE BUILD SUCH A SHIT OF A MACHINE...
Oh well... saved the grafics card, HDD and SSD... time to get new Parts and build a custom one myself...
FUCK YEAH!
Warranty you say? No i tell you...10 -
so that's how it is... 2,500 seats and no place for me... I don't blame anyone, just sad about it 😭
'Google and Udacity have developed a variety of free learning resources for you'... yeah of course, no need to apply to the scholarship because you provide free learning resources???
1 -
Why was this even possible? Someone managed to make a GTK application in PHP, yeah a GTK application in PHP. I have no words...
https://kksou.com/php-gtk2/...5 -
Got bit by a hacked repo. It was compromised for all of like 30-some seconds. No intrusions, but now I can't set my root password (passwd goes "oh, yeah, we got this" then it does... nothing...) and Weyland/X/Gnome/Cinnamon/KDE/whatever the kids use nowadays are all busted (they all start, but they just hang tty1 and whatever other console invoked it). Tried reinstalling all those kinds of things, didn't help.
fml2 -
When yo wake up in the morning and you read:
"Upcoming updates to the AWS Lambda....in rare cases, package updates may introduce compatibility issues."
("rare cases", yeah sure. skip everything)
"...You have the following options: 1. Take no actions, 2.blabla 3.blabla..."
Close the blog.
Communicate to the board that due to lack of resources, randoms bugs could happen in the next weeks and that the quality of a 500K$ project is at random risk.
Rant.3 -
I just implemented the cookie popup you wanted me to make. And now you give me a call that your tracking code doesn't appear in the source code?
Oh, but you don't see the cookie popup? You saw it right? So you've already set your cookie permissions, probably not to accept tracking cookies. We can check by... what's that?
If I can make the tracking code appear anyway?
...
Yeah, sure, no problem, change will be live in five minutes.2 -
At any given company, there are
those that do
and
those that do not
I've mostly (and sadly) worked with the latter
and those are the people who are like "ahhh yeah, no worries, don't worry about it! we need you to stay positive, not rage! why you get so worked up?" and i'm like YEAH YOU DONT HAVE TO FUCKING WORRY BECAUSE YOU DONT DO ANYTHING! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSIBILITY IN THIS COMPANY AND ARE A FLOATING BLOB COLLECTING YOUR PAYCHECK, THAT'S WHY I GET ALL NEW ASSIGNMENTS AND AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM WHILE YOU ARE STILL WORKING ON TASKS ASSIGNED TO YOU TWO QUARTERS AGO!!!!!!!!
god who am i kidding, it'll never change
...man I am on an absolute rant rampage the past few days, feels good >:) -
!rant... but just gotta say... this new M1 MacBook feels fucking awesome. And I already had a late 2019 MacBook. The actual feel is different... right? Not just the chip? But it's super super fast. Also NO fan when I record screencasts...
It's super fucking rad... and - yeah. Just kinda want to shout that. Maybe I'm crazy...10 -
Pushed out a big update that included restructuring every directory. No one had access to the admin section. Yeah needless to say my boss was not happy since no one could do any work. Turned out during the process I made every admin page need the highest level of authorization which only the owner has. Easy fix but stressful day for sure
-
When you have to work with functions clearly no one gives a fuck about... because who needs documentation... like... 2 decades later!? Oh yeah sure it might change tomorrow...
2 -
Am I the only one who's slightly triggered when I ask a question, get no upvote, and when someone answers, he gets 2 or 3 votes and people commenting like "yeah I'd do the same"?
I mean, it's like being the father who'se wife is being congratulated for being pregnant, she wouldn't be if I didn't do my job 😎3 -
Here's a fucking challenge:
Generate an MD5 hash in React Native!
crypto - NOPE deprecated, react native throws when you try to import it anyway
react-native-crypto - NOPE, needs to make use of a shim that recursively edits node_modules... hmmmm yeah you think thats a good thing to have?
react-native-fast-crypto - NOPE, no TypeScript types, no documentation in general, only supports sha512?! WTF
garbage fucking idiot tooling stupid dumbass stupid splat splat barf splat22 -
When a senior asks me, the guy who started 4 months ago about documentation on something that they’ve been using for several years. Haha, yeah bro, wouldn’t all of our job be a lot easier? I’ve been going down entire rabbit hole networks trying to find credentials and API tokens for the last month because there was no documentation 🤷🏻♂️6
-
So I'm at work most of the day developing project managment system for better efficiency but I can't seem to keep my electricity bill up to date. Now I'm looking forward to some free time because I got disconected and everything is closed when I'm home from work. Even when I do manage to get off on time my boss needs me on evenings and weekends.
Now it's just NO BITCH, i ain't got NO POWER!!! ^^ yeah!3 -
PMs are strange. I spend over a year to perfect a self optimizing, state agnostic End2End test with almost no flakyness and they're like "Yeah, nice". I write a frickin 15 line php script to display in which translation file a certain string is defined and they act as if I'd just walked over water.
-
Programming
Easier today than in 2009?
We're got all these tools and shit.. frameworks...
Yeah, which just makes you over ambitious, as the weekend project turns into 6 months despite itself.
I say no.5 -
FUCK APPLICATION LEVEL FIREWALLS!
So i cam online today, thought already lets open the shitty outlook webmail client. Holy crap .... thats way to much mails. Many of them are missed teams messages. So i open up teams and holy crap. Like every third dev in my company send me a message screaming "gitab is not working!!!".
Yesterday i updated it so imediately get in panic mode - what the shitty hack have i done?!
So yeah gitlab seems to be working just fine, everything is speedy and responsive, so i call one of my fellow devs and ask him whats wrong? And he is like oh yeah there comes a ldap error saying timeout or something.
I try to login with active directory. Works like a charm. Try another account, same problem?!
Google the problem, search gitlab tickets. Nope there is no open bug or sth. like this.
So alright lets call the network guy. "Yo, can you check if there is something ldap-like getting blocked to the gitlab server?" - He is like oh yeah damn like almost every damn request is getting blocked. Ah wait, there was an firewall update yesterday too. Yeah ldap is no longer ldap. BLOCK THAT SHIT!
After 10 minutes of figuring out what shitty type is detected by the firewall and what needs to be whitelisted to make it fucking work again it seems to work.
But ha no, there is another update rolling on, so same shit like 15 minutes later.
Now it seems to work and i have to inform every damn fcking developer that it works again. And yeah alright you sent a mail, but fuck it, i will call you though! So yeah just answering calls, mails and chat messages. Like why the fuck cant you read your mails like a damn normal person?!1 -
!dev
*packing ventilator*
Me: Allright, now all that's left is to bring it down to the basement.
Grandmother: yeah, but not today.
M: Why not?
G: Because I feel exhausted.
M: I would bring it down get bring it down for you
G: No, I feel exhausted
And I feel exhausted by your constant inability to listen when there's minimal stress and an opinion / recommendation that slighly differs from yours.
I shit you not, when I asked her to repeat my offer she had no idea what I just had offered...1 -
Upper mgmt paying an enterprise software vendor 40k US annually. Told vendor No more me QA'ing for them and 'discovering' obvious bugs. Told them to hire QA person and spring for some automated testing software. Yeah I know I am a nice guy but Enough is enough!1
-
My manager is apperently turning down applicants for the position of front end developer (the job I applied for, they made me backend developer). I just sit here wondering what he bases that decision of since the man can hardly use a computer. Job posting has been online for almost 10 months now.
But yeah, I'd rather have no collegae then an incompetent one. I also suspect they just posted the opening to keep me from taking vacation days. -
I think after 3 months of lockdown my colleagues transformed into 🥝 or something
Yeah here's the new account
No password for it in database
This prevents from updating password
I just about had it with these fucking amateurs, good thing payday is near, I need a shitload of more drugs for motivational purposes -
Fuck this fucking shit...
Be me, plan a trip to a festival with friends, vacation approved, get up at 3am to drive 9 hours from Germany to Italy, find a nice spot for our tent and yeah...
I was unloading stuff of my car and standing in range of the tailgate and get the shit smashed onto my head...
Yeah I'm a volunteer firefighter, so good at paramedics, so I applied a pressure bandage myself, because shit was bleeding all out of my head...
Then I got a ride with the ambulance to the hospital and now about a hour in the waiting room...
Please cross your fingers, that the X-ray that I'm waiting for shows no damages and that i can continue my festival...
What a happy first festival day...5 -
Currently writing a long-ass new issue to the Docker/CLI repository, to tell them that their online documentation for the manifests is absolute garbage. I mean, a documentation is supposed to tell you how to run commands, not something like "Yeah you try it and maybe it'll work. No it's not the good format, you dumb fuck. Nice, bro, but if you check what changed... That's right, nothing changed. At all. For no reason. Keep trying, it's fun!"
-
I could work from home sometimes, the coworkers would be cool but focused, new tech would be encouraged and pms would defend devs against crappy clients, oh and no windows allowed, yeah I dont like sunlight (like linus house)
-
A manager just walked in and asked us to stop advertising a for hire advertisement for one of our stores... Okay no big deal right?
Yeah accept he followed up by asking if we could run an ad that told people that we have hired someone now.
Wouldn't that be like a hotel buying advertising that says they no longer have vacancy?1 -
Yeah, I have experience qith qorst CS teacher.
Considering that teacher as function (object) no matter what we pass never give results... It was anti boolean function can't even decide true or false because lack of info and throws any exception even on success..
It was like getting tons of errors when code is 100% perfect -
Heya devrant, long time no see!
Anyway here's a thought.
A lot of the time I wanna upvote stuff on this site but I'm terrified of upvote inflation.
I feel it's not clear to me what the threshold for upvoting should be and if I upvote multiple things in a row I feel like my upvote is losing value.
All of a sudden it becomes a big decision.
Yeah it's overthought like crazy but can anyone else relate?5 -
"Just let me know when you're done (today) with that handful of JIRA tickets that are not reproducible, have no description, and include no error information. We need to get them into the next release."
Yeah. Yeah, I'll let you know real soon. -
Designer: 'Help! The parallax website I designed is running really slowly. Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!'
Me (In my head): 'Yeah, no shit. Can't think why...' -
Oh no, yeah, little error icons with no accompanying error messages are my absolute favorite, especially when there's no apparent way to check what the error is.
Love software that does this. Perfect design, super useful./s2 -
Rejected for the job . Out in technical round, though i gave all the correct answers.
Me: seating outside with a down face.🦁
HR: what happened? you seems to bit low .
Me: sir ,got rejected in technical round.🐷
HR: work on mistakes.
Me: yeah sir🦊
Inner me: tell me the mistakes fucker...
Why ? Why? Why?
Dealing with rejection for no reason 🐀17 -
yeah we have a guy that actively paints himself into corners. last time was an api he was saying yeah there just this last field to put in, then when you open the code because of the bs reaspn he gives you for not finishing it you realize you have to wreak everithing and start pver cuz there is no ways in hell this would work. and thats just the tip of the iceberg....
-
Yeah, sure.. I'll configure your DNS & mail server.. while I'm at it, I'll also optimise your db settings & configure backups..and don't forget LDAP & group policies!! Sure, no probs!! :/4
-
Why Apple has to do every configuration so f**ckin difficult? After a thousand logins, validations, and 2FA just to change my f**ckin region I find that I need to contact local support by chat or call even if my account is clean (no payment method added, no purchases made, etc.). Yeah right, great products, but crappy website UX.1
-
Trees -> declarative programming
Loops -> functional programming
Sequences -> imperative programming
Graphs -> dynamic programming
Good mapping, yeah or no?15 -
WooCommerce sucks, Block editor sucks, Elementor is no better, but if you want a real mess, just add more plugins. Bonus: if you use any "third party WordPress plugin", WooCommerce support can always say, oh yeah, I see that you are using a third party plugin, so we cannot support you, sorry.
Fuck, that's not the kind of front-end development that I was hoping to do in 2023.4 -
The moment your friends discover that you are web dev:
-Hey, can you help me with something?
-Yeah, what?
-I want to install Word, can you help me? I can give you the computer if you want
-... you can get it from the web page, and you have a student's discount...
-No no, I will buy it, and you can install it, ok?
What the hell is wrong with this world?1 -
Lazy piece of shit deliveryman simply stating that nobody was at home when in fact, the only person that wasn't there was him. No bell was ringing and my phone didn't receive any calls either. Customer service wasn't even that surprised when I asked them about it.
"Yeah, I tried to call the guy, but he wouldn't answer. I'm gonna try sending him again"
Boi, just yeet that bitch from your business!3 -
I am currently fixing the EFI partition from my laptop's SSD on my gf's computer on a livebooted image of some random Linux. Anyone know if its possible that no bootloader can boot if there isnt any room on the EFI part? Oh yeah, and only a single mouse out of 3 works for some reason, and no keyboard... so I am using the onscreen keyboard -_-'
2 -
Manager wants to sign me up for sponsored Apigee training and certification and i wasn't sure if it's good or bad (even now)
Me: ohh, nice
Manager: let me know asap. I'll get back to you.
*Manager comes back after 2 mins*
Manager: have you decided?
Me: uhm, yeah i haven't finished looking. I'll get back to you in 30mins
*Manager comes back after an hour*
Me: does this have a bond?
Manager: no
Me: okay, I'll get back to you tom
Poll question: is it a go or no go?1 -
Apparently work in progress submissions of our assignments were graded by the percentage of their completion.
So yeah... there was no way of getting 100% unless you had the assignemt compete. Spoler alert! Nobody got 100%... even if all the assignment criteria were met.
And the best thing is that he got the percentages by asking each student after their presentation...
Now I get why he was boasting so much, that only few of his students get A. -
I am so fucking frustrated... I have no hope in job nowdays, for freshers Its like hell.
Thinking of creating a new startup...
Yeah fuck everything, I'll do it.😤1 -
A friend of mine offered me a Job as a Senior Software engineer in Damascus "on the peace site" Whhhhaaatt the fuck.
Yeah no Thanks... Maybe next time. -
"hey come try this good chat program called demonsaw"
5 days later:
developer: "i have no idea why it's so unstable for you only, at this point i'd suggest trying a different distro"
me: *tries a bunch of distros* "yeah all of them are just as fucked"
we went through "well is it DS' config? Is it your kernel? systemd? debian misconfig? libs? hardware? network? other shit running? ulimit settings? does Windows do this too? How about OSX?"
i feel so bad but we have no idea what is happening6 -
MySpace 😂 lol but no for real back when I was a Psych major people started asking me to make them a site after seeing some random sites I dinked with in my spare time for personal endeavors. I then realized it could be a career, so I switched schools and majors. I enjoy getting lost in the code and doing solitary work. I don't like talking to clients or providing customer support so, yeah lol 😂🤓2
-
I have an Webspace for years, today I Just bought a very Small v server so I can play with it a Little bit.
Its cool.
I connected to it via ssh.
Installed everything I needed, then I wanted to allow login only with rsa keys and with No Password. Set it Up, it worked. But it was possible to Login also with the Password even when I forbidden that.
I accidently set PermitRootLogin to No.. Yeah... You know what.. now I Cant Access my Server anymore xD Shit.
Have to reinstall the complete Server..9 -
I have a client who wants this web-based membership system I'm building to also accommodate arbitrary changes she makes to the user data in a third-party system that my component writes TO but doesn't receive data FROM.
No amount of explaining dissuades her from the belief that her changes will magically be represented in my side of the data.
So, yeah, I'm screwed.2 -
SeniorDev(in code review): Yeah, I know this is wrong but I will look into it later
Me: Can you please mention the ticket you have created to look into it later
[JuniorDev gives me a high five for sticking to our coding principles. No sweeping under the rug! Felt awesome.] -
Read this and tell me OOP (or at least C#) isn't broken:
https://levelup.gitconnected.com/5-...
All I want to do is mock System.DateTime is for a few of my tests, and I ended up going down this rabbit hole of absolute horseshit: build a custom class that you can mock in tests, blah blah blah blah, uhhhh... YEAH NO
Such a simple functionality / need, and yet there is no easy way to test for it. Sigh.16 -
I simplified 7 functions down to a blob because it was truly unreadable and fragmented. As I did it, I thought there was no way I did it right. This can't be the logic. Nope. It is.
Yeah, the formatting could be better. End of the shift so that's a tomorrow thing.
10 -
There is no dedicated test team In the corporate our company outsources developers to.. so whatever the developers don't test themselves (and developers are poor testers for their own product) is then tested on... production? FML.. oh yeah and the quality of the bugreports - that's yet another story..
-
!Rant
Hell yeah, I love that feeling! I have absolutely no idea about working with the LEMP stack (nginx in particular) and I'm slowly figuring out how to get it working. Even tho I just noticed that chrome doesn't support npn for http/2 and that I am still up (GMT+1) I wanna continue working in this project. Man, I love that feeling <31 -
Why do you ask “can you {do this/that}” when “no” is not an option? Why don’t dare dare to say “please {do this/that}”?
Yeah nah I’m still gonna say no. But fuck your hypocrisy too9 -
I can't seem to use the novo recovery mode using my standard keyboard...fuck you lenovo and fuck you windows!!!!! Its been days trying to fix this fucking pc!!!...I know i should have bought a freaking dell instead of this m***** fucking cunt of a pc! I have an external keyboard you cunt why don't you suck it up your ports and let me do my shit!!
-
!dev
The moment i heard, that there is a magic artifact in starfield, i audibly sighed and thought, yeah no thanks. It apparently gives the character magic abilities..
Now i feel basically the same, like when they introduced dragons in the elder scrolls universe with skyrim. Incidently i never really played Skyrim.
Otherwise that game looks kinda cool. But 70€ (100€ for deluxe) is too much for 30h mainstory imo.3 -
Bought a new Small Netbook recently.
Wanted to install Linux, because Yeah, working with Linux All the time and I'm " in love" with it ;)
But ... it's not working properly.. No Sound, some keys aren't supported and some other Shit that arent working as expected.
Shit. Tried everything, multiple times, the Hardware is not really compatible with Linux. Damn, this is the only shit about Linux..
Yeah, I'm now so desperated, that I've Just installed Windows 10.
My only hope - the new bash/Power Shell. Does anybody has made some (good) experience with it?9 -
Phone rings.
"Hello, not sure if you remember, but you've been at our job interview 3 years ago. We're just wondering, if you're currently open for work."
In my mind: "yeah, fuck no"... and decline the offer.2 -
Agency life where the dev department plays 3rd string to our Creative/Experience team and our Demand Gen team. Mainly because the leadership has no idea how to sell dev work?
Oh, and when dev work comes in, its on a super rushed/compressed time table where we've over-promised, and under-charged.
No margin on this project? Yeah, no shit cause you sold it for 50% of what we told you it would cost, dumb ass.2 -
Maven simplejavamail dependency import, build email, try send it: jakarta.mail.messageexception whatever, not class def found. After some googling: Depends on jakarta-mail. Find jakarta-mail dependency, include it in pom, start again: jakarta.mail.someotherclassexception, no class def found.
Yeah fuck you, too...2 -
You know when you start making some guide/tutorial, everything is working e.g for 1 hour, step by step.
Theeeeen suddenly 1 error from universe stopped your work. Checking for the error debugging it next hour, asking questions online aaand ? no one has an answer. Yeah that's it stick with it, or restart ;D
4 -
Influxdb 2.0 and the according python client.
This is the stupidest pile of dogshit I have ever encountered. No documentation, no examples, not even for the most basic shit, im fucking done. This is nuts, working like a week on just getting a fucking connection and do some basic curd stuff.
"Id neets to be 16 Bytes long". Yeah, thanks. With Id, org, user, insurance Id?
Next time I gonna implement this bullshit in fucking assembly, so you can have your stupid 16 Bytes without any magic tricks.
FUCK -
!rant question
Anybody else: Solarized (no affiliation)? Dark and light are so beautiful. Plugged in to terminal, window manager, (neo)vim, statusline (yeah, the Awk thing). Feels so beautiful. Can read shit off it anywhere, and my eyes aren't going any more blind.
P.S devRant team please get post separation up so that I don't have to add a 'question/rant/meme' tag to everything I post. <3 Love u guys! -
This is not sponsored. But.....
After using Wynk Music for a year in 2021,
then using Spotify for a year in 2022,
and now purchasing YouTube Premium in 2023,
I can say YouTube Premium is the best of all three. No ads in videos, background play plus a separate music app. Yeah, it's a better investment imo.
Plus all three cost the same in India.13
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View