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Search - "no meeting"
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So, this random teen on subway asked me if it was 9GAG I was scrolling [i was on this app ofc]. I said it's better than 9GAG.
He went on like this "oh cool, does it have the the NSFW section too?"
...
Me: a...No, but can learn coding stuff
Him: hacking?
Me: hacking is not what you thin... [He interrupted me]
Him: Damn cool, I wanna learn hacking, it's my stop nice meeting you tell me the name of the app
Me: a...9...ha...ck, 9hack!
Him: cool, thanks. [Gets off]
(Um...Some people just don't deserve DevRant, if you know what I mean)30 -
Our dev team got a new manager. On our first face 2 face meeting:
Manager: So, what technology are we using for web apps?
Me: TypeScript.
Manager: What is TypeScript?
Me: It's a superset of JavaScript.
Manager: Oh I know JavaScript, it's the latest version of Java, right?
Me thinking: He is joking. He tries to be the fun guy. Everyone knows the Java-JavaScript, ham-hamster joke.
Me later, also thinking: No he is not joking. Oh God, this is the end. We are all f*cked!8 -
Frack he did it again.
In a meeting with the department mgr and going over a request feature *we already discussed ad nauseam* that wasn’t technically feasible (do-able, just not worth the effort)
DeptMgr: “I want to see the contents of web site A embedded in web site B”
Me: “I researched that and it’s not possible. I added links to the target APM dashboard instead.”
Dev: “Yes, it’s possible. Just use an IFrame.”
DeptMgr: “I thought so. Next sprint item …what’s wrong?…you look frustrated”
Me: “Um..no…well, I said it’s not possible. I tried it and it doesn’t work”
Dev: “It’s just an IFrame. They are made to display content from another site.”
Me: “Well, yes, from a standard HTML tag, but what you are seeing is rendered HTML from the content manager’s XML. It implemented its own IFrame under the hood. We already talked about it, remember?”
Dev: “Oh, that’s right.”
DeptMgr: “So it’s possible?”
Dev: “Yea, we’ll figure it out.”
Me: “No…wait…figure what out? It doesn’t work.”
Dev: “We can use a powershell script to extract the data from A and port it to B.”
DeptMgr: “Powershell, good…Next sprint item…”
Me: “Powershell what? We discussed not using powershell, remember?”
Dev: “It’s just a script. Not a big deal.”
DeptMgr: “Powershell sounds like a right solution. Can we move on? Next sprint item….are you OK? You look upset”
Me: “No, I don’t particularly care, we already discussed executing a powershell script that would have to cross two network DMZs. Bill from networking already raised his concern about opening another port and didn’t understand why we couldn’t click a link. Then Mike from infrastructure griped about another random powershell script running on his servers just for reporting. He too raised his concern about all this work to save one person one click. Am I the only one who remembers this meeting? I mean, I don’t care, I’ll do whatever you want, but we’ll have to open up the same conversations with Networking again.”
Dev: “That meeting was a long time ago, they might be OK with running powershell scripts”
Me: “A long time ago? It was only two weeks.”
Dev: “Oh yea. Anyway, lets update the board. You’ll implement the powershell script and I’ll …”
Me: “Whoa..no…I’m not implementing anything. We haven’t discussed what this mysterious powershell script is supposed to do and we have to get Mike and Bill involved. Their whole team is involved in the migration project right now, so we won’t see them come out into the daylight until next week.”
DevMgr: “What if you talk to Eric? He knows powershell. OK…next sprint item..”
Me: “Eric is the one who organized the meeting two weeks ago, remember? He didn’t want powershell scripts hitting his APM servers. Am I the only one who remembers any of this?”
Dev: “I’m pretty good with powershell, I’ll figure it out.”
DevMgr: “Good…now can we move on?”
GAAAHH! I WANT A FLAMETHROWER!!!
Ok…feel better, thanks DevRant.11 -
During a meeting with customer I explained him two different options we could realise for his requirement.
Customer: "That sounds good! Do it!"
Me: "Well, you have to decide which option you want to be realised."
Customer: "Yes!"
Me: "You need some time to decide that?"
Customer: "No!"
Me: "So Option A or B"
Customer: "Yes!"9 -
TL;DR: Clients are dumb.
Client IT Lead: "Your code isn't working on our website."
Me: "Because you didn't load our code into your website. Do that, and everything works."
CIL: <proposes terrible alternative>
M: "No fix on my end will matter if you don't load our code into your website."
CIL: <more disagreement>
M: "Let me discuss with my team and I'll get back to you."
... later that day, in a follow up meeting with client's team ...
M: "Load our code into your website as was initially intended and everything works fine."
CIL's Boss: "That makes complete sense, and I'm not sure why we weren't doing that from the beginning. Let's make that happen, CIL."
CIL: "Okay."
——
👨🏽💻🤷🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️7 -
Meeting with client.
Me: our solution does not require a central server, any computer (windows, Mac or Linux) on which you install our software can act both as a client and a server
Client: no we need to have all our data on our server
Me: sure, you can install our software on any computer
Client: no, we need it on our server
Me: ok then, we can make the needed changes to install our software on your server, it will cost an additional fee though
Client: very good then17 -
Developed an android app for the client. It was going great. Prototype for the initial (and static) content to show to the client was on the way. All until...
*goes back in time to when we were developing the prototype*
The asshole boss: "Wow this is good, just remove the login after the splash screen. Redirect it to the dashboard immediately."
Me: "What? Why?"
TAB: "He (the CEO of our company) said that the client doesn't need to see the login."
Me: "Well, alright." (Orders are orders, better remove it)
*A few days later, we present the prototype to the CEO. He'll be the one talking to the client. TAB isn't in this meeting.*
CEO: "Where is the login screen?"
Me: *dumbfounded and confused, in silence, and pressure rising*
The Good Boss: *whispers* "Where is the login screen? I thought I told you guys it should be there."
Me: *whispers* "TAB told us to remove it."
TGB: *Looks toward CEO* "TAB told us to remove it."
CEO: "Ugh. TAB is sick."
A little giggle. Nonetheless the meeting continued. He was displeased. I was a little guilty. The login screen's code was already there. Just couldn't show it since the app doesn't redirect there anymore.
*A discussion after the meeting*
TGB: "Why'd you guys remove the login?"
Me: "You and TAB had a meeting with the CEO the other day. After the discussion TAB went to us and told us to change it."
TGB: "But the CEO said no such thing! Anyway, let's go back to the office and straighten this out tomorrow."
*The next day, TAB was in the office*
TGB: *Chatting on messenger with me* "He is completely denying it."
Me: "WHAT?"
TGB: "He said he never told you guys anything. And he is persistent. I kept telling him it was his fault, but he denies all of it. He never approached you guys to change anything."
Me: "Well yeah. I guess we magically thought to ourselves and said, 'Hey, let's remove the login screen for fun. Let's show them less content because that's how we please our clients!' -_-"
Seriously, what kind of assholefuckery is this. This shit is a whole new level. I am so TRIGGERED.
I don't really care that the meeting didn't go as planned. Just MAN UP AND ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE YOU FILTHY SON OF A GOOSE. Never listening to this asshole again. Thought he could be trusted. I will always ask my good boss next time.18 -
Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?
Dev: …
Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?
Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.
Dev: …
Dev: How about now?
Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!
Dev: …
Dev: There that good?
Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!
Dev: I can’t.
Manager: ????
Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.
Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.
Dev: …16 -
Today we were all called into a meeting and the CEO was livid. He went on a rage about how the CTO was wasting money on useless shit (GitHub Enterprise). He said I bought laptops for a reason if there’s a fire someone better protect our assets and code. He wouldn’t reason with us and went into github and deleted everything. The CTO was fired and no one is leading our team. Wondering if I should quit 😶29
-
Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me
*piano starts
Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant
*piano
It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning
*epic guitar
I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo
I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging
Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!
*epic guitar
So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here
*epic guitar solo
Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them
Any way this code blows10 -
boss: What the fuck guys! Why didn't you go to the meeting this morning? Have you checked your google calendar?
me: But, but it is scheduled to tomorrow, google calendar says that.
boss: Who put that date?
me: You
boss:....
boss:And fo you double checked it?
me: What do you mean?
boss: Double check! Check if what is in the google calendar is correct!
me: But that doesn't make any sense.
boss: No excuses!! Next time you must double check!10 -
- It's a game, play it
- Come prepared
- It's better to say "not sure" or "don't know" than bullshit
- Don't write in the CV (or mention during the interview) things you don't want to be asked about
- Sound eager and enthusiastic about your profession because no one likes a downer
- the interview is a sales meeting, you are the goods, be sure to be a good salesman10 -
I came from a village, we have animals (like a farm), pigs, chicken, sometimes duck and goose. One day I had to work from home, bc had to come back to parents house. Our daily skype meeting was like this:
* discussing very important IT stuff *
* grandma rushes into my room *
me: sorry, but i have a meeting
grandma: i just wan...
me: but i cannot right no...
grandma: just wanted to know if...
me: grandma, I cannot right now, we have a skyp... im talking with colleagues, on the computer
grandma: * quiet voice * okay, i dont want to interrupt, I just want to know - Did you ordered the ducks?
* what I hear in headphones: collegues and boss LOLd sooo hard *
me: ffs, what ducks?
grandma: did your father not give you the guys number?
me: * starting to sweat * what guy? no he didnt, i have no idea what youre talking about
grandma: * disappointed * then who gonna order them...?
me: ...
grandma: * standing next to me, she hears the laughter * whats that?
since then, if im working from home every skype meeting starts with "Tommy, is your grandma there? HAHA!"7 -
Summing up many ridiculous meetings I've been in.
Many years ago we hired someone for HR that came from a large fortune 500 company, really big deal at the time.
Over the next 6 months, she scheduled weekly to bi-weekly, 1 to 2 hour meetings with *everyone* throughout the day. Meeting topics included 'How to better yourself', 'Trust the winner inside you'...you get the idea.
One 2-hour meeting involved taking a personality test. Her big plan was to force everyone to take the test, and weed out anyone who didn't fit the 'company culture'. Whatever that meant.
Knowing the game being played, several of us answered in the most introverted, border-line sociopath, 'leave me the frack alone!' way we could.
When she got the test results back, she called an 'emergency' meeting with all the devs and the VP of IS, deeply concerned about our fit in the company.
HR: "These tests results were very disturbing, but don't worry, none of you are being fired today. Together, we can work as team to bring you up to our standards. Any questions before we begin?"
Me: "Not a question, just a comment about the ABC personality test you used."
<she was a bit shocked I knew the name of the test because it was anonymized on the site and written portion>
Me: "That test was discredited 5 years ago and a few company's sued because the test could be used to discriminate against a certain demographic. It is still used in psychology, but along with other personality tests. The test is not a one-size-fits-all."
VP, in the front row, looked back at me, then at her.
HR: "Well....um...uh...um...We're not using the test that way. No one is getting fired."
DevA: "Then why are we here?"
DevB:"What was the point of the test? I don't understand?"
HR: "No, no...you don't understand...that wasn't the point at all, I'm sorry, this is getting blown out of proportion."
VP: "What is getting blown out of proportion? Now I'm confused. I think we all need some cooling off. Guys, head back to the office and let me figure out the next course of action."
She was fired about two weeks later. Any/all documentation relating to the tests were deleted from the server.16 -
My very first meeting with a new client:
Client: We need to launch in 6 weeks. Do you think you can hit that deadline?
Me: Do you have a spec for what needs to be done?
Client: No we don't.
Me:3 -
Looks like I'm getting fired on Wednesday :)
Long story:
*I add first unit tests to project.
*Boss adds new functionality and breaks all the tests so I can't compile and write more for what I'm working on.
*Boss is very fragile and cannot handle any comment that can possibly be taken as a slight against him.
Me: "I wanted to ask what our policy on unit tests is please? Because we haven't really said how we are treating unit tests, and everyone myself included is not thinking about them. I also haven't added tests when I fixed bugs and this time your changes broke the tests"
Boss 10 minutes later: "I want to speak to you in private".
Boss: "you are too forceful and direct. You said I should have added tests."
Me: "yeah but I didn't mean in a nasty way"
Boss getting louder and more aggressive: "You are too forceful"
Me: "I didn't mean it in a bad way"
Boss: "I didn't want to add tests for that!"
Me: "then why add any tests?"
Boss: "Fine we are not having this conversation now!"
*Boss storms out
I decided I can't speak to the guy about anything without upsetting him spoke to the manager before I quit because I can't work like this.
That resulted in a meeting with my boss, his boss and the head of HR where I ended up savaging him and told them I can't bring up anything as I can never tell if it will offend him and that I spend ages writing emails and trying to document communications because I just can never tell if I will upset him. Also that I cannot bring up any ideas because I can't tell if he will somehow get offended and that I can't even write code because if I change something he wrote at some point he will get angry.
My boss claims that I am extremely forceful and disrespectful and that I am constantly insulting him and his decisions.
We go back over a ton of shit and I refute everything he says. In the end I have to have a meeting with him on Wednesday where we either get things straight, he fires me or I quit.
I think at this point that our relationship is too fucked for him to be my team lead on a 6 man team.
Side note I keep bringing forth ideas because we have one database shared between 6 Devs, no pull requests (apart from mine and another new guy), no test driven development, no backlog, no team driven story pointing, no running tests before merging, no continuous integration setup, no integration tests, no build step on merge, no idea of if we are on track to our deadline other than his gut feeling, no actual unit tests backend - just integration with a test db, no enthusiasm to learn in the team and no hope.21 -
Management: This project isn’t moving along fast enough, you know what we need?
Dev: An additional dev?
Management: No! An additional manager! We’ll have a meeting about it later today.
Dev: …7 -
Story of my most useless meeting?
Too many to mention. Here's one. Years ago a new HR associate was specifically hired to better engage the workforce. About once a week, she conducted about an hour to two hour meetings which consisted of every 'touchy-feely' idea you could think of. I swear any day I was going to walk into a meeting and do the "fall back into your partner" trust exercises.
One particular meeting, 'Betty' engaged us with the topic of what keeps us motivated, and I was a little more annoyed than usual because I was behind on a system critical project and these meetings were mandatory.
User1: "Knowing I make customer satisfaction my number one priority."
User2: "The strong sense of accomplishment I feel by doing my best"
Me: "Money"
<you could almost hear Betty's gasp>
Betty: "Oh, no, money shouldn't be the motivator. Money is like icing on the cake. Tell us what keeps you happy and engaged."
<other users nod their heads in engagement>
Me: "Again, money."
User3: "I can't...ugh..I don't believe..oh..why would you say that? I think being part of such a great team is payment enough."
<more nodding of heads>
Me: "Do you work for free? I don't. None of us do. Would any of you keep doing your jobs here if you weren't getting paid?"
Betty: "That is really not the point of this meeting."
Me: "Sure it is. I'll bet if Order Taking starting providing bonuses for positive after-call surveys, employee satisfaction would go through the roof. Anyone else like that idea?"
Betty: "Your attitude isn't helping this discussion. Lets move on."
Me: "Lets not. In 20?? the Gartner group performed a study where they 'discovered' the primary motivator for employees was money. You want employees to perform better, you pay them. It is really that simple."
<I could see the looks of "Its OK to speak my mind?" and others wanting to speak up>
Betty: "Moving on. Lets go over the company core values again and discuss how they enrich our lives at work and at home."
I kept quiet for the rest of the meeting.
The poop hit the fan, and my boss pulls me into a conference room
Boss: "Betty is really pissed at you. She went directly to the VP of HR"
Me: "Good. Does this mean I don't have to attend the enrichment meetings?"
Boss: "Yea, that was her idea of punishment. Lucky bastard."8 -
!rant
So my employer just offered me a 57% raise out of the blue!
Last Friday, I got a meeting invite from the CEO (its a small 15 person company, so he looks after most of the management stuff) titled "{{myname}} - Salary Review". No agenda there. I was fuckin scared that maybe my salary will be chopped short due to the virus and shit. They recently let go of one guy in my team, and are about to hire two new guys. Also, my last raise was this January. So I didn't think any good could come out of this meeting.
I joined the zoom and he asked if I was happy with the current salary. I said "yes" like an idiot, but added that the prices in my country are rising a lot. He made smalltalk on costs of groceries and Corona and my family, and that was it. 57%.
I was smiling like a dumbass at the end of the meeting. This guy is like the Hyman Roth of this business.15 -
So today my middle company put a meeting with the new HR.
Meeting subject: you can't poach inside the company.
Context: I resigned, and I'll be taking with me 3 profiles.
HR: If you do take them, we'll take you to court.
Me: Why?
HR: It's poaching and by contract, you can't.
Me: You can show which clause?
HR: That's not the problem.
Me: Also in France, you need to notify the employee as you are denying his right to get a job. And pay him for that.
HR: What? That's none sense! Stop talking and listen.
Me: Ok
HR: We'll sue you and crush you. You'll have so much legal problem that you...
Me: I'll just start recording on my phone, so you say that you accept it and continue your intimidation rant.
HR: What? No!! Stop that.
Me: *stop it* Would you rather have my lawyer with us? Because we'll need to reschedule the meeting.
HR: If you continue that way, we'll tarnish your name and no company will hire you.
Me: You really aren't familiar with IT, right? Because I could delete ALL production. No system work. The BCP will kick in. You will lose one or two days. Then make an article of it, showing what kind of process or security should have been implemented. And I will still get a high pay job!!
HR: You know what? Get out! If you want to go to war, your problem.
Me: Ok, so you'll be getting news from my lawyer by mail.
HR: what?
Me: Yeah, that harassment. And my lawyer will get in touch. And I might also post on LinkedIn. And talk about it in the next events I'm invited.
HR: that's, that's...
Me: freedom of speech. Don't worry I'll write it so it's only viewed as my opinion. Have a nice day.
Two hours later my friend, lawyer, send them a mail and email.
Three hours later the COO calls me. Saying that HR was out of line and that it'll no occur again. It was an error and I should be forgiving.
So now all discussion with HR must be held with my attorney :). And middle company pay for it.6 -
I am so fucking fed up with being brought into a meeting because you "understand the technology" and then no fucker actually listens when you say that their idea won't work because the tech isn't magic.3
-
!rant
So this happened in the zoom meeting today. 2 colleagues were arguing on something.
A : "Do I look like f**king joke to you?"
B : " No, you don't look like a joke , your camera is off. But you sound like one. "
A : "I am so tired of you , f**k you man"
B: " Hey you can't f**k me without my consent, I said I am not interested."
Me : "Uhm guys this is scrum meeting."
B: "No shit captain obvious, we all know that. "
I am so speechless.....36 -
/* Daily sit down meeting */
What did you work on yesterday?
- Tea
What are you working on today?
- Tea
Any road blocks?
- *sips tea* ...nah no11 -
The recruiter in call today is a spoilt brat .
I answer him wether am I know PHP. So I show him my code in PHP (oop) I show should him how I build a restful API and connect to MySql etc.
He told me that's not PHP , PHP don't use define and class , and that's not how you connect to MySql (I'm using PDO) he confused that pdo is something from Java. He told my code is not working because it is java syntax (actually not even closed)
Then I asked him then show me the proper way , he showed me his code in PHP which is started by <PHP instead of <?php (this is fucked up)
And I told him that (after looking at his code), he yelled at me that "there's no mistake, do you really understand PHP? " And he ended the meeting
All this happen in a zoom meeting.22 -
So there's this annoying colleague who loves to call me (My work phone) at 3 am, so I decided to adjust some settings to forward the calls to the CEO.
aha!! , in the meeting CEO point it out, and yes, finally company set a rule that no work calls after working hours....13 -
Subject: FW: Twilio integration
Date: 20th June
From: <program-lead>
PractiseSafeHex I need you to fill in the dev completion dates for the Twilio task for the mobile team by EOD today. Backend have already supplied theres. Otherwise I will be forced to mark the task as “At Risk”. Please let me know if there is an issue or you are blocked.
—- Begin Forwarded Mail ——
Subject: Twilio integration
Date: 18th June
From: <program-lead>
Hi All,
Documenting today’s meeting minutes. Backend confirmed they will handle the Twilio integration from their side entirely. There will be no mobile work required for this task.
Thank you,
<program-lead>11 -
OMFG it happened again. I'm always very explicit with recruiters that I don't take full time employment while I'm studying. This one was very understanding about it and said he found a great match for my skillset.
I just had a meeting with the CEO of this great match of a company.
- "No, we only seek people who can work full time, let's keep in touch when you've graduated".
What the fuck, way to waste everyones time.10 -
Yes of course we can have a fourth meeting this week to discuss possible KPI’s for the project.
I have a suggestion though, since the first deliverable is 3 weeks away and it doesn’t work yet, maybe I could spend time ON the project ... so I can build something that could be a KPI ... and not piss off the other companies for delivering nothing.
Of course I’m not a manager, so what do I know, but this shit might be why people keep leaving the team. Perhaps devs don’t enjoy having no time on the project while simultaneously being yelled at for not getting it done.2 -
the ultimate dick move: invite your dev to a meeting, scheduled a few weeks ahead, with title "performance issues", without any further comments or notice in advance. when dev, seeing this invitation and feeling kicked right in the face, asks if this meeting is about a certain project or their individual working performance, just answer "both" without any further comments. if they have any more questions about it, just tell them you have no time to answer because meetings.21
-
Was in a meeting with my boss. I complained about there being too many meetings and thus not enough time at the keyboard. He told me that I should turn down meetings I feel I dont need or feel are unnecessary (no point in me being there if I dont feel i contribute). Point taken . I stood up and left. He later told me he appreciated my honesty and would try to keep are meetings to the point in the future :D
-
On a company meeting there was a discussion wether to trigger an event by hover or mouse click for 20 minutes. then..
Me: "There is no mouse click without hover."
-- silence --5 -
Engineer: hi whats this meeting for
Employer: unfortunately today we're cutting staff and you've been affected-
Engineer: 🤣😂🤣😂🤣-
Employer: why are you laughing?!
Engineer: no no- sorry it's just-
Employer: it's not funny-
Engineer: you're broke 🤣😂🤣
Employer: what?!
Engineer: that's like so embarrassing for you-
Employer: that's offensive. That's rude
Engineer: no i mean- you should have told- i didn't know you guys were this poor
Employer: we're not poor the market shift is-
Engineer: is really cringe. I mean can we just start a gofundme campaign or something-
Employer: that won't be necessary
Engineer: this just isn't a good look for you- it's giving 😂- it's giving poverty vibes honestly🤣🤣
Employer: that is very offensive-
Engineer: I'm really embarrassed for you. I was doing three people's jobs anyway bye7 -
Dear backend dev:
No data is not an error for fuck sake. Don't want 404, or messages if the search criteria filters out all values. Give me a empty array.
Is this hard to understand that we need a team meeting to discuss?
Godamit12 -
Two thousand fucking eighteen people!!!!
Stop this non sense "get a plane" for a fucking meeting that could be a fucking video conference.
Wtf? Everyone here seems to be addicted to flying, specially upper management... And if we need a new switch to keep the network running? Oh, for that we have no money :)4 -
Dutch DevRant meeting was awesome!
Since quite some people couldn't do it today i also suggested to do a second day, tomorrow.
Just haven't gotten any response yet at all, so anyone in for that? If yes, sounds awesome, if no, no hurt feelings :)17 -
And then there was this big review...
DEVs:" this bug is hazardous and needs to be fixed quickly! It could crash a productive system completely!"
CTO and DEV teamlead:" shut up! This big exists more than two years! No customer will ever klick this button!"
--exactly twelve hours later--
Customer:"so we clicked on this button and our system crashed! Can you help us quickly? We are losing money!!!"
CTO in the meeting:"who programmed this shit? Are you insane?"
Teamlead:"you are useless !!"5 -
Things I like about WFH
-save petrol and mileage
-work in underwear
-big TV during lunch
-time saved by no commute
-lie down during meetings
Things I dislike
-feel like my room has been invaded by work/miss the physical separation of work and home
-distractions and temptations
-they moved the stand up to ealier because of WFH
-Everything has to be a meeting. No just popping by someone's desk with a quick question
Sometimes I miss physically seeing my colleagues/getting out of the house but not often11 -
We had a manager that blind-sided the entire Team. During annual reviews, he gave everyone on the Team an unsatisfactory/not meeting expectations. Why? Because rather than rating us on the work we were being assigned, he rated us against what our job descriptions said, but you can't do work you don't have. Not once, during any of our monthly one on one reviews did he tell any of us that we weren't meeting standards. No one on the Team got a pay raise that year. But, karma. Several month later, the company decided to do a 360, which is where we get to rate our manager anonymously. We're still here; he's gone.4
-
As an introvert & junior dev, I'm so frustrated with video conferencing meetings:
1. People interrupt each other and change topics all the time.
2. People disregard the host's agenda.
3. Meetings are starting to be recorded or secretly screenshotted in the very moment I am frowning because my internet connection is getting bad.
4. The meeting chat turns into a side discussion if the host is not addressing things in the chat and setting the rules clearly.
5. There are lots of buttons missing in my company's VC tool that would display my current status to the other participators, e.g. a no "I agree", "I disagree", or "I have something to add". All I have available in my VC tool is a "thumbs up" or "applause" reaction that stays next to me in my picture for very long 10s...
6. Webinars via VC tools are super uninteractive. To make it worse, there is no pizza, no free drinks and also no side conversations and no walking to the station together with the other nerds.
7. There is no way to tell the person speaking that you haven't heard them clearly or you would like them to explain something further in a big group meeting. It's too embarrassing for me to interrupt or let everyone else know in the chat that I haven't got it.
Bottom line: I HATE video conferences without a good facilitator that involve more than 3 people and would like to write my own VC software but I'm already kinda feeling drained because all these chaotic meetings stress me so much :(3 -
Gf: "Why are you such a typist"
Me: "I promise not to buy more keyboards with blue switches..."
Gf: "No, I mean like being racist or sexist, but you discriminate types"
Me: "Uhhh"
Gf: "You are always bitching about how awful date/time types are, with timezones, leap seconds and daylight savings"
Me: Face turns pale, thousand yard stare, vietnam-flashback to when I was writing a calendar scheduling/meeting/matching tool which used 3 databases, with timestamps in different formats, and web frontends for people in offices around the world.
Me, with a soft broken voice: "So?"
Gf: "You've been working on that palette tool this week, and you keep talking about how interesting all these colorspaces, white balances and conversion formulas are"
Me: 🤔5 -
The worst tech day if my life... In terms of broken things.
I went to London... For a meeting with a new client.
I missed the train being me I made sure I got the early one so I could get another if I missed it...
1st tech fail, the machine didn't print off my tickets just the receipt which is why I was late
Got to London thought I'd try uber I didn't want to be late...
25 minutes till destination ... Ok
2nd tech fail... Was 45 minutes 😔
Now I'm 10 minutes late!
So I rush out of the uber to try and get to the meeting ....
3rd tech fail 😔 I drop my laptop ... Screen was ok I got lucky .
Went to meeting it was in a coffee shop ! I was alone meeting 5 people in this charity.
This company didn't occur to them I'd need internet to show them websites 😐
4th tech fail no internet
Needless to say I didn't get the job. Sad because I would of done a good job . At least I got to chill in London. For a few hours.
They put me on a hot seat as such all asking me questions
I was 19 terrified stressed. And it's only been a year... I'm doing the same tomorrow!
Fingers crossed7 -
The company I work for have this obsession of sending phishing emails to employees. If you report the email you get a message saying good job. If you fail, and you open it you have to have a meeting with your boss and stuff. They do this multible times a week.
So now we have this situation where a lot of important emails get deleted as collateral damage, as the employees are parnoid of opening them. Fantastic system with no flaws at all.🤔🤔7 -
Managers on Slack at 08:30: Hey frontendJunior, can you accept that meeting for 09:00?
frontendJunior: * No response *
Managers: * Clueless why nobody would see a ping literally 30 minutes before a meeting *
Fullstackclown, watching it all unfold: lol 🤡6 -
One of my colleague is in trouble... He yelled "I don't give a fuck " in a zoom meeting. He told me he thought his mic was muted.
No is not. You fucked up.10 -
Worst meeting. Hmm..
Embarrassment wise maybe the one where my boss called me the queen of porn in front of everyone. Yes, classy AF. (Just have to know him to know his sense of humor I guess).
Most cringe worthy meeting was probably when our out of state national director came in and basically told us he has no clue what we do nor does her care to learn. We brought up salaries to him as well as we're in the bottom 8th percentile for the industry in our area with HUMONGOUS work loads, like 20 sites per developer at once. This is a huge multi-million dollar corporation, mind you. We told him some of us have to have 3 jobs to survive and he basically said well you're an at will employee so there's the door. He also took phone calls and sent emails during my one on one meeting which we never finished even though he promised to. But he bought us a shirt, so you know, it's all cool. 🙄10 -
I've come to a conclusion today: Management are fucking with me. I know it sounds far fetched, but its the only thing that makes sense.
I was in a meeting today, discussing some bad emails back and forth. Part of my issue was the amount of time spent on useless meetings, or waiting around to give demos.
The meeting got cut short, so I could prepare a demo for a VP ... after an hour and a fucking half of waiting around ... theres no time to see my demo.
What the actual fuck, seriously .... seriously what the actual fuck. What if the name of mother fucking christ is going on with this team, that they call me into a mother fucking meeting to discuss the "developers attitude" only to go and cut it short ... so they can fucking waste my time ... for the second time in 3 mother fucking days.
Oh i'd rather fuck myself with a cactus than spend the rest of my days dealing with this utter bullshittery. -
Me: WFH today
Boss: No, meeting in boardroom
Come in, knowing already there's nothing for me to do until the meeting
Boss 5 minutes before meeting: Moving to Tuesday, didn't have time to p;rep and team lead tis off sick13 -
Fucking teammate who did not know how to read/write a simple class diagram.
We warned him that he have to study or we just kick his fucking ass out of the team.
He just did nothing. When we had meetings he just stayed at home pretending to have an heart issue needing surgery.
After just 2-3 days he was tagged on FB in a photo shooted a few days earlier where he was riding a bike for a competition.
He skipped another scheduled-a-fucking-week-before meeting saying that he was on a surprise trip, when I called him 5 minutes before meeting start.
In the end we just kick him out because he did nothing. He went to professor talking about some relationship problem in the team and asked him if he could continue the project by himself just forking the ours.
Professor said HELL NO SON OF A BITCH.
But our team learned a precious lesson : choose your team carefully.5 -
Worst meeting:
Boss: *calls everyone* URGENT MEETING. If you're on your lunch break, then stop and join the video call. Is it a weird time in your timezone? Wake up. But COME
Omg what happened? Is the server down? Are we getting a huge client? What is so urgent that it needs all of our attention right now?
Boss: I'm afraid that I won't be able to stay long in this meeting.
... then WHY the f did you call this meeting?
Boss: that's why we'll have a meeting next at *such hour*. In the meantime, talk to your respective departments about what you've been doing and what you need from each other. See you!
No comment6 -
6 hours of weekly progress report meeting in client’s office EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY.
Yes it’s a progress report meeting that can be done via email or skype
Yes it takes 6 hours
When we go to the meeting, we have
1. The boss
2. The 1% PM + 99% sales guy
3. The secretary who document everything in that meeting
4. Me as a dev
The only thing i do is to answer “yes, that’s technicaly possible” or “no, that’s stupid” when the client ask for some features or changes.
Sometimes i’m just being an accessory in that meeting.
It was years ago before i quit and become a designer 👌🏼5 -
The client said meeting was Monday at 9:30AM. My fault was forgetting to ask what Monday of the year it was. It's already past 11AM and still no sign of them. smh7
-
When you're in a meeting with the director of the company about a project you're working on and the only thing that comes out of the meeting is 20 new features which you have no idea if you'll be able to do them but said yes anyway.1
-
It today's team meeting my manager asked, "What is GitHub?"
Seven years leading the group. Hired with no dev knowledge. Can't be bothered to acquire any.14 -
Dude on remote meeting: -cough- -cough- I don't really feel that bad, I'm pretty sure i'm not contagious. I might come in.
Don't be that guy people (even outside of the COVID timeline...).
Fortunately he didn't come in so no harm no foul.1 -
At a meeting:
"We don't know why <past developer, they all know who this motherfucker is> did it this way but we have to..."
Me: *slams table* no, stop. I am tired of this. Y'all must've really liked this guy. But he did it this way because he was a fucking idiot.
A
Fucking
Idiot
There is no other reason for this amount of fuckery that I have to be bothered to fix and mess with on A DAILY BASIS so I am gonna go ahead and call it as it is. The dude was a damn moron and no one here stopped him. I know he was a janitor here that got his cute lil associates and y'all wanted some good will hunting shit to happen, but <said dumbass developer is no matt damon"
Them: "YOU CaNt JusT UsE ThaT lanGUAGE"
"Am i gonna fix this shit?"
"Well......no one else kno...."
Me: "exactly"
Legit man i am sick and tired of this shit. I did not earn a B.S in comp sci. Graduated in the top percentage of my class, am suffering through my MCS to fix php like a fucking moron all day.The rest of my web devs backed me up.
Aaaand btw..no, it is not my job. I am a fucking analyst, i provide data reports, i program said reports, i am tasked with this shit because i used to work for then as a web tech.....got a different position cuz i was tired of it...fuck me right?18 -
Not specifically dev related other than being hired as a dev, more a corporate thing.
I have medical issues that mean I can be a bit variable in my starting time. Company was aware and floated flexible hours as a possible solution, but never said it *was* a solution, and just left it there really breezy.
Nailed this down with my line manager a couple weeks later after HR lost their shit, apologised and thought nothing of it.
Few days later I read a blog post about IP clauses in contracts that reminded me I intended to ask, as mine didn’t have one.
Asked HR, no response for like an hour, then “we’ll get back to you on that”
Following week, pulled into a sudden meeting. “Sorry for short notice of meeting, but we’re terminating your employment effective immediately for ‘lack of commitment’”.
Utter. Bullshit.
The day before, the company literally had a company day where they banged on about their values and how they wanted to support their employees and foster an environment for good health and good mental health.
No disciplinary proceedings. My line manager found out 5 minutes before I did.
I emailed a few colleagues afterwards and apologised, and they were stunned it had gone down the way it did.
I was so blindsided and angry in the meeting, especially after I believed I’d found a company that was actually different and cared.
And I did my work, I stayed late quite often, even produced a couple internal devops tools in my time there.
The kicker is that it was within the probation period, so I have literally no recourse for any action against them.
What’s the most bullshit corporate clusterfuck you’ve been through devRant?2 -
HR: I’m sure you know what this meeting is about
Dev: My script that converts the name of our 3rd party IT provider in any email thread I reply to with “PooPoo Inc.”?
HR: No, that is a separate meeting
Dev: Ah.4 -
Guys, a "standup" is in the name. The idea is it's a meeting that's quick enough you don't need to sit down.
A 3 hour standup is, in no way shape or form a standup. It's just another pointless meeting that I'll keep on in the background while I pay zero attention.7 -
Was in a meeting today with a team I just joined, I asked what they used to write tests.. they said they don't write tests because no one would see them..
This is crazy right?9 -
One day at a meeting I proposed a solution and explained it to everyone and everyone agreed to it. And then comes in this motherfucking Mr. shithole who starts talking about a piece of shit approach which had apparent drawbacks and everyone could see it but no one mentions. Why, becuase that bigger asshole is the boss of these smaller assholes. When I mention the drawbacks, all I get in return is, you are right but we think you should go this way. No fucking explanation why should I or any son of bitch should go that way. And every single one of those fuckers in the meeting suddenly became ok with his approach without any question or doubt. I mean WTF! What kind of developer you are if cant fucking express your views.10
-
I'm a lead Dev on an agile team. We were just handed a fixed scope, fixed date project. On Monday, instead of helping push this out, I get to have a meeting to explain how throwing more bodies at it will slow us down.
"No! We are not code monkeys! Knowing JS and Java isn't the same as knowing our application. Stop fantasizing that it's a simple manpower issue and leave us alone so we can work these fucking nightmare timelines in peace!!"
I'm looking for a better way than that to explain it to the Sr management for the business so I don't get fired.16 -
HR meeting about flex time. They rounded up the entire engineering department for an all hands meeting.
Started off "we're not here to single anyone out, and no one's getting fired", and then proceeded to shower an employee, lets call them G with praise because they worked late the one day they brought in an investor.
The rest of the meeting was a guilt trip for the entire group. Great use of company time. /s1 -
Frequently used answers :)
UI developer - I think API is not working
Backend developer - Front end is not sending the request correctly
Tester - Testing! Testing!
UI/UX - As per android/ios standards...
QA - Let me check one more time
PM - Let us have another meeting and get on the same page
Dev-Ops - It's very complicated you know
CTO - We're working on a next-gen solution
Founder - Let us build something that no one has built, something similar to what google...facebook...
Cridits: My EX-CPO5 -
Ah the classic meeting terrorist....
Us: "These emails are working."
Rando customer on conf call: "No they aren't, I haven't seen any of these emails."
Us: "Is your email on the list?"
Rando customer on conf call: "No."
Yeah fuck you.
The rest of us are paying attention here, can you please shut the fuck up on the meeting.1 -
Useless feature I've built?
Too many to mention. Here's #25.
Modified an existing "Are you sure..?" dialog pop-up (Yes/No buttons) to Yes/No/Cancel. Why? Managers claimed users were "accidentally" clicking 'Yes' when they should have clicked 'No' and causing all kinds of chaos, costing the company money, etc. Managers believed giving the user two chances instead of one would make it easier to avoid the problems they caused.
The meeting:
Me: "Users can click 'No', hit the 'Esc' key, or click the close 'X' button on the window, how will an extra button make it more foolproof?"
Mgr1: "It just will. Andy accidentally deleted inventory and when I asked him if an extra button would have saved them a days worth of re-counts, he said yes."
Mgr2: "Barb accidentally credited a customer $1,500. She promised me she clicked 'No', but the system credited the account anyway. An extra button would have saved us thousands of dollars!"
Me: "Um...these sound like training issues, not an extra button issue."
MyMgr: "PaperTrail, how hard is it to add an extra button?"
Dev1: "Oh yea, adding buttons is easy."
Dev2: "I can do it 5 minutes"
Dev3: "We'll save the company thousands and thousands of dollars!"
<lots of head-knodding and smiles>
MyMgr: "That settles it. PaperTrail, add the extra button!"
Users still screwed things up, but at least they couldn't blame it on not having an extra button.24 -
New job was killing me. remote team has an 8 hour time difference to us, and no understanding of it. Constant last minute invites to meetings at 10pm my time. Made worse by the fact that many were unnecessary, duplicates or just plain pointless. So for the last few weeks of last year I made in my mission to clean it up.
New plan: move my hours around on Mondays, stay later, move all the meetings back to back and get everything out of the way for the rest of the week.
First day back and heres how the new plan is shaping out:
- 5:30pm meeting organiser decided we actually need 2 almost identical meetings instead. Sends out a big team meeting for the same time as my 1st meeting at 5pm, as well as the existing one for 5:30pm. Already agreed on by everyone else, so had to go.
- Cancelled my original 5pm meeting for today, said we'll re-arrange it for earlier going forward (not enough time for notice for remote team).
- Went into my new 5pm meeting, turns out we don't need 2. Got everything done by 5:30pm.
- Just to be safe though, a new invite will be sent around for the hour of 5 - 6 "Just in case".
- My 6pm meeting just got cancelled as she has a conflict (despite setting it up 2 months ago)
- Now I have to wait around, after hours for my 6:30 meeting.
..... believe it or not, this is progress.
Happy new year!6 -
"Update on the last meeting, we'll either release what we've got or do something different"
WELL NO SHIT! 🤦♂️5 -
Business ppl asks for program to be created.
Business ppl send out 5 one hour meeting invites for the week.
Boss puts me in 5 day training for 7 hours a day.
Business ppl tired of me saying I've had no time to develop their stuff.
Boss asks why I haven't made progress on business ppl program.
Trainer upset I'm doing business ppl program instead of the training.
We can't win.2 -
Other PM: We must fix the database performance issues now.
Me: We can't. We're still only halfway on the dependency chain to tackle this and honestly, even if the dependency chain would be fulfilled, I'd leave at least 2 weeks monitoring the production after the changes were rolled out before we further poke around.
Other PM: This is taking far too long. And whaddya mean by dependency chain? Why was I not informed about this?
Me: *sigh* like in every meeting in the last weeks: the dependency chain are the current open blockers before we can proceed with the database changes. We've talked about this _at length_... Especially why these blockers exist.
Other PM: No, we need to start now. I've _examined_ at the blockers or "dependency chain" as you call it.
(Examined.... He opened on his currently streaming laptop, which was connected to the active beamer, the mentioned ticket with a detailed blocker ... And quickly scrolled. Yeeah. Warmonger...).
Me: I'm very tired of discussing this. But since you are already presenting us the ticket, read out the referenced meeting notes... We explained it in great detail.
Other PM: Why? This is just a waste of time!!!!!!!
--
Yes. This happened. Other PM was my nemesis.
In this meeting were 2 PMs (Him, Me)… I think 5 - 7 devs... And we were sitting in this meeting since 2 hours at least. Everyone was angry...
After this "manifesto of intelligence"… I simply left the room, followed by a few devs.
And yes. Other PM did this on a regular basis....5 -
So, you are in middle of something urgent and top priority? In the meeting just displaying the business plan for 1000 people? Fixing a bug that needs the release in 30min or otherwise small babies will start to burn?
Update. Why not? It's like driving down the motorway, someone stops you and tells you that they're going to remove your steering wheel now. For no reason.9 -
Last meeting I suggested we started using unit test and perhaps TDD on our platforms.
My boss is open to it and everyone seems to like the idea...
Now I just discovered that our dumbass coworker is trying to say by my back that its a bad idea to double the code efforts and that he sees no point in it...
Well dumbass cock sucker who can't even fucking remember how to write `docker-compose up` without messing things up you can fuck your self because you are certainly gonna be fucked sideways untill the end of the year.4 -
Worked with a European consulting company to integrate some shared business data (aka. calling a service).
VP of IT called an emergency meeting (IT managers, network admins) deeply concerned about the performance of the international web site since adding our services.
VP: “The partner’s site is much slower than ours. Only common piece that could cause that is your service.”
Me: “Um, their site is vastly different than ours. I don’t think we can compare their performance to ours.”
VP: “Performance is #1! I need your service fixed ASAP!”
Me: “OK, but what exactly is slow? How did you measure their site? The servers are in Germany”
VP: “I measured performance from my house last night.”
Me: “Did you use an application?”
VP: “<laughs> oh no, I was at home. When I opened the page, I counted one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, then the page displayed.”
Me: “Wow…um…OK…uh…how long does our page take to load?”
VP: “Two Mississippi’s”
Me: “Um…wow…OK…wow…uh, no, we don’t measure performance like that, but I’ll work with our partners and develop a performance benchmark to determine if the shared service is behaving differently.”
VP: “Whatever it is, the service is slow. Bill, what do you think is slowing down the service?”
NetworkAdmin-Bill: “The Atlantic Ocean?”
VP got up and left the meeting.2 -
Meeting with CEO went well I heard. Only thing he didn’t like that there was no permission level “worthy of leadership” (GUI options are view-only/worker/admin/super).
Keeping the existence of the the secret “god” permission to myself I proceeded to create the “executive authority” permission, which is an alias…
…for view-only. 🖕😘🖕5 -
sooo shit started hitting the fan
after another useless discussion where PM tried to hardcore micromanage me and then bullshit his way out, i fucking tilted and started swearing.
after this discussion, he invited to a meeting next week to talk about "miscommunication".
no need bruh, i'll tell my boss on Monday i want to switch to another team.8 -
So we have this HUGE ass project , really challenging , that my boss and "PM" have been meeting with the client for months now...
I got on board , guess what?
NO ONE HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ON WHAT THE FUCK THEY WANT!!!!!
ALL FUCKING GENERIC REQUIREMENTS!!! WHAT THE FUUUCK!!!
[ insert fucking pitch screaming!!!! ]
FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!1 -
i'm feeling so sick right now.
PM invited team for today to present his "vision": "<name of our component>: what it is and what it is not".
but it didn't make sense and showed that he hadn't understood the problem at all. the whole architecture made no sense given the problems that shall be solved. his architecture diagrams missed some essential parts that were actually the giant weak points of his concept. his pseudocode, that should exemplify interactions between components, didn't address the complexity of required interactions at all. it's like he expects some magic to happen and has no fucking clue about the requirements (but acts like it), even though he is the manager of this software project.
and when devs ask really interesting questions that fundamentally question his concept, discussions lead to nowhere and questions are not answered. at some point he literally said "there is no such thing as <name of our component>, i still have to find this out"
really!? after one and a half year, since you sold the idea for this component to upper management, and after half a year of development, you still can't tell what it is what we actually want to build? are you fucking serious?!
at some point in discussion he said that these questions need to be answered but that "there's no time left", and he ended the meeting. although there was still half an hour of meeting time left.
i'm so fucking sick of this, i hate everything right now. i can't listen to this bullshit any longer. in discussions, he contradicts himself all the time, it is so fucking surreal i'm starting to feel like i'm insane.
it makes me really sad and tired. i don't want to care about this shit any longer.14 -
Me: junior dev
Assignment: build a REST search service that also does (thing x)
Me: gosh I just can't figure out how to make (thing x) work! Nothing I try works and there are no online resources!
*goes to meeting with client*
Client: (thing x) is impossible in our application, so we are expecting (much more manageable thing)
Me: awesome! I think I can build that
Manager who can't code: what are you talking about, (thing x) is clearly better and it should be possible to do
Manager: *sends email outlining shifted requirements after the meeting, including (thing x)*3 -
In a UAT meeting with representatives of our project partners,
The account executive, who set up the project, said to my PM in front of everyone just before the test started: "I hope your system won't fail, because everyone here will be watching"
My PM: "No it won't. But in that case, I believe it's your fault for setting an unrealistic deadline without consulting us, the development team, first"
All the representatives, being also developers from multiple companies, proceeded to stare at her with disgust.2 -
"Most unproductive meeting of career?"
2 stories
Story 1:
Company had 5k people working for it. We all had to attend a meeting about holding effective meetings.
Rule 1 was to have an agenda for all meetings and associated information so that people can come prepared.
In my 19 years at that company I and one other guy were the only people who followed that rule. Including the executives (never followed it).
People thanked me for doing it all the time... then they'd hold their own meetings and no agenda.
🤷🏻♂️
Story 2:
VP of our department would hold meetings and INSIST people ask questions / get upset if we didn't ask questions.
We were also told what we were NOT allowed to ask about.
At one point there were complaints that support was replacing too much hardware. So after lecturing everyone about replacing too much hardware ... nobody was allowed to even mention that the hardware was actually shit.... but we were supposed to ask questions.
Same VP would come back to us and moan about how he just couldn't get resources for our department... like bro that's your job don't whine at us about it, do the job...
Dude was just a weak man child.3 -
A personal memo to all developers on devRant:
* Assume every external line of code, (including every service you consume) is an unreliable crock of flaming shit. These services can and will fail in the most glorious ways. Write your code to be resilient, and ASSUME FAILURE of dependencies. Even if it's your own team writing the other service.
Heard in a meeting today: "Your team's service outage is going to cause my service to corrupt the database!"
Response I wanted to give: "No, you asshat, my service outage is a normal part of living with microservices. Your app should have been smart enough to recognize the failure."9 -
So... I'm pretty much dead inside.
But today I laughed in a meeting.
Nearly died of laughter.
We're currently understaffed for various reasons, especially the ongoing migrations etc.
So a lot of projects are currently in "maintenance" mode (e.g. no new features) - cause we lack the necessary man power.
The meeting was more or less:
Team: We had an ongoing discussion in the team regarding logging and possibilities of tracing and XY suggested we implement OpenTelemetry in *all* projects in the next weeks, can we do that?"
Sometimes I'm not sure If I'm in a sitcom for torture experts.4 -
PM, on kickoff meeting: good code speaks for itself, need no documentation
PM, on UAT day: how does this features work, where is the documentation for it?
Dev: Just do me a favor and go fuck yourself.1 -
Story: A sudden pleasant realisation about myself...
Realized today that I have reached a level of Developer I always wanted to have reached.. A junior forgot his mouse, I gave him mine and took out old trusty hacky scroll from the cupboard, the junior brought batteries as a thank you, I told him thanks but there was no need, I have coded without a mouse and can do again if need be, no issues really... I have even used my phone over wifi as a mouse, I can dev as long as I have some form of something at my disposal... Had a meeting where I had to implement a feature for something that was mentioned in a meeting I was never invited for a bunch of months prior, that had to go live today, asked all the right questions, remained calm, tested like a pro and it was practically seamlessly inserted into the system by yours truly... I was proud of my work on a different level to be honest.. Had a difficult meeting with my manager, but kept really calm, stated the facts effortlessly and made him feel comfortable too, happy ending and happy resolution. Then I spent the ride home trying to project an fm station using my phone.. by the time we got home me and my colleague found a solution to be tested soon... It was only when I put my phone down after closing all my research tabs and deleting the apps used for the day that will not be needed tomorrow when I realised how awesome I seem to have become... Treating myself to a juicy burger and coke with gaming tonight. Something is bound to go sideways again sometime. But you know what, it seems like I'll be just fine.. Somewhere I seem to have become exactly who I wanted to be.. Now for further goals and higher aims while maintaining this person I only noticed today.2 -
Things I learnt by attending meetings from home:
* Wear pants even if no one can see them
* After meeting is done, turn off your computer to ensure it has ended.
* Mute and screen share is not reliable
* Tell your family members that you will have a meeting so they do not do anything weird.4 -
Devrant and pickpockets
A week ago on Tuesday was heading to meet my client for a demo presentation.Once in town and few metres from our meeting point thought of checking some few rants only for my device to be snatched from my hands and the pick pocket sublimes away.
I composed myself and went to the agreed meeting point only not to meet my client and they was no way I would reach out to him.After making few rounds waiting for him finally gave up and headed for home.
Fast forward I made a resolution not to get a new device till a week ends and had to roll back to a simple device till today.
With today being the D-day I did head to my carrier to get a new device and once the phone was being set up the customer care agent asks which app do you need set up.With no hesitation I gladly say DevRant and she got no idea what's that then after some explaining she says all give it a try with a smile.
I later leave the store a happy man with DevRant being the first app on my device as I ran stock android.
Glad to be back family.1 -
how to become a true scum master:
- formulate jira tasks for your inferiors as vague as possible, best they don't make any sense
- before sprint start, ask the subhuman being to estimate storypoints, and if they say they can't really tell with this description and choose the highest estimate, say "okay, let's estimate it to one sprint length", so they can actually work on it within one sprint (which makes total sense)
- if the scum dares to question the content of the ticket and begs for more details, be like teflon and give no useful answer at all. if they continue asking for a meeting to discuss the ticket, tell them to have a meeting with a coworker about it (who also has no clue). don't be available for them because you have more important stuff to do.
- bully them during daily standups that they didn't create clear subtasks from this task and criticize them because you have no idea what they are doing. tell them they are having performance issues and suspect them to sit on their lazy asses all day.
- criticize the team in general for bad performance, bad item tracking and never say something nice, to make sure everybody loses even the last bit of intrinsic motivation for the project.
stay tuned to learn how to make yourself a skull throne out of those filthy dev smartasses ^.^7 -
"Hmm, I have a meeting with a few of the executives today to go over that new feature... I'd better wear my good t-shirt and jeans today."
I love working at a place where there is no dress code for devs!4 -
Episode 2 of this rant: https://devrant.io/rants/851636/...
PM went to meet with the provider and came back, so I had a talk with the PM and it went like this:
Me: so how did the meeting go? Hope they corporate with you
PM: *in a sarcastic voice* Bro, you need be a good dev, they told me only a good dev can implement Master Card API calls, and its all in the docs. That's all they told me, so you should know how the meeting went
Me: *there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail* Fine bro, I'll go back to school and come back after 12 years.
Seriously when I send the provider the request and the body and all they tell me is: You have an error, Id must be unique but they fail to point out the exact error or at least send me a valid ID to test, how does this make me the bad dev and him the genius that can run Apple, Google, MS all together at once!
What is even worse, when I called the provider he told me: Man transaction ID must always be unique, how could you not know this, how is Mastercard supposed to differentiate between transactions!!
But hey, no one told me transaction id must be unique, primary keys are never unique, like DUH!10 -
I had a meeting today with some high level technical executives from IBM and I showed them our architecture and they were impressed and said it was rare that they saw start-ups with such great architecture. As a dev with no formal education and one year experience this makes me so proud and also very proud of my team2
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So, monday I posted a rant saying that monday was a terrible day and that I was probably going to be fired/quitting soon.
Wednesday, I'm told that the project I had been working on for about a week was changed 2 days ago and to stop working on it.
Yesterday, I signed in and asked if there was any work for me (I work remotely) and nobody really responded so I just found something to work on. (This whole time, I'm thinking oh fuck, about to get fired) Then, about an hour before I was to sign out, I get a message saying that I'll be working on a new project starting today.
this morning, I signed in and had a meeting to get info on my new project. After the meeting, I check my bank account to see if I had enough money to order something and notice I had a bonus from the company. MFW.. So I asked one of my managers if there was a mistake and if it was supposed to go to someone else, and they said no. Of course, I said thank you and left it, but I STILL have no idea what it was for. https://youtube.com/watch/...2 -
Let me tell you the story of how a feature request no one asked for got put in an early grave:
PM walks into weekly meeting with a single use case that one user called in about, despite never having this issue during the past year and a half that our app has been in production. PM's boss (genuinely one of the best people i have ever worked with) happens to sit in this particular meeting for no reason other than he felt like he should once in a while.
PM brings up use case and wants to devote 3 weeks' development time and another 3 weeks to test RIGHT NOW while other projects are already in motion. PM's boss speaks up with this: "Listen if this guy is really this upset, we can just tell him to build his own service. All the other end users have no problems with this, so it's not worth spending the resources on, i don't think."
And that is how i went from "this is bullshit" to "i love you" in the span of 20 minutes.2 -
In a former company we had a CEO that was no developer but thought he knows better just because of googling stuff.
One meeting was a very ridiculous one. He told us which technology we should use for the new project. All of us developers objected and agreed on something better.
It ended in he yelling at us and calling us stupid and incompetent. This meeting lasted almost a whole day.
I left the company soon after. -
Why the hell there is a skype meeting with around 100 participants... And all i have to do is just connect and listen to same 2-3 persons... Repeatedly.
PS- mostly no one even listens😑9 -
I was given 8 hours to build an entire website from scratch. No storyboards. No content to start with. Just "I have a meeting with the CEO tomorrow. Make sure we have a new website to show him"4
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All employee meeting, tv has no volume.
Guess who gets passed the remote to figure out why there is no sound...1 -
So many meetings that we have pre-meeting meetings.
Tomorrow is the best meeting of all - the show and tell, where we can say we spent all sprint in meetings and did no actual work.1 -
<supervisor>,
I would like to raise a concern of mine to your attention. I would urge you to inform <CIO> because I think he should know as well. In our recorded meeting this afternoon <bad_vendor> exposed another company’s credentials after failing to access our system, and proceeded to demo access into someone else’s system while exposing their client's sensitive data. Others noticed this as well. This is an alarming situation because not only did <bad_vendor> expose someones data to <us>, but to one of our vendors. While it is unlikely that <us> or <helpful_vendor> would abuse this situation, it could have easily been <us>’s data that was exposed to another company and their vendors had the situation been reversed. I understand we are all under tight deadlines and under a lot of stress — by no means am I trying to make waves — but nonetheless I felt compelled make light of this situation and felt in was echoed by <helpful_vendor> during the meeting as well.
Thank you8 -
It was a Monday morning, and I did what most people do - I got up late. When I came to senses, I realized I have an important client meeting today.
I ran towards my closet and grabbed my favorite shirt, but it was a mess, badly wrinkled.
But no problem, I decided to put this task on my old but trusty laptop, I waked up my laptop (Which has just celebrated its 12th birthday yesterday), it literally coughed 100 times as i opened 3-4 chrome tabs and android studio on it. Within a minute , my newly found laptop-iron become as hot as the surface of sun, i gently placed my shirt under it and in 5 seconds my shirt was looking brand new !!! I quickly got dressed up , while my laptop was cursing me at the back.
Luckily my meeting went well and we secured a new project, on my way home I was happy and satisfied that my oldy has found a new purpose of life as a makeshift iron.
I returned home, and to my surprise my laptop was'nt turning on....!!! I though maybe its tired from todays work so i let him rest..........3 -
Oh man. I have been waiting for this one. Gather round lil' chil'rens it's story time.
So. I was looking for a new project because my old one was wrapping up and that's what my company does. So I was offered some simulation type stuff. I was like "sure why not, I want to make a computer pretend it isn't a computer no more." Side note I should not be a psychiatrist.
So, prior to coming on to this job I felt stifled by my old job's process. This job was a smaller team so I thought the process would be a little smoother. But it turned out they had NO process. Like they had a bug tracking system and they held the meeting to add things to the system, but that was just fucking lip service to a process.
First of all, they used the local disk on the test box as their version control. and had no real scheme as to how they organized it. We had a CM tool but gods forbid they ever fucking use it. I would be handed problem reports and interface change requests, write a bug to track it, go into the code and about 75% of the time or more it had already been worked. However, there was no record of it being worked and I would have to fucking hunt that shit down in a terribly shitty baseline (standardize your gods damned indentation for fuck's sake) and half the time only found out it was done because when I finally located the piece of code that needed changing, the work was already done.
Then, on top of all that, they ask me what time I want to come in. I said 10am, they said okay. One day I roll in at 10 and my boss is mad. Because I missed a meeting. That was at 9. That I wasn't told about. He says I can keep coming in at 10am though (I asked and volunteered to help get him up to speed on the things I was working he said it wasn't necessary) so I did, but every time I missed a 9am meeting he would get pissed. I'm like PICK ONE!!! They move the meeting to 9:30am (which is not 10am).
This shit starts affecting my health negatively. Stress is apt to do that. It triggered an anxiety relapse that pushed me back in to therapy for the first time in 7 years. On top of that the air quality in the office is so bad that I am getting back to back sinus infections and I get put on heavy antibiotics that tear up my stomach along with the stress and new meds tearing up my stomach. So one day as I am laid out in pain, I call out sick. Two days in a row. (Such a heinous crime right.) Well I missed a test event, that I wasn't even the primary or secondary on.
So fast forward to the most pissed off I have ever been. I get called in to a meeting with my boss's boss. As it turns out, my coworkers are not satisfied by the work that I'm doing (funny because I thought I was doing pretty good given that my only direction was fix the interface change reports and problem reports. And there was no priority assigned to any of them).
And rather than tell me any of this, they go behind my back to the boss and boss's boss. They tell me I need to communicate (which I did) and ask for help when I need it (I never did). That I missed an important event (that I played no part in and gods forbid I be sick) and that it seemed like I didn't want to be there (I didn't but who WANTS to work a corporate job).
They put me on a performance improvement plan and I jumped to another project. I am much happier now. Old coworkers won't even say hi, not even those I was friendly with, but fuck them anyway.5 -
Management wants weekly update meetings on some "super important" work. Fine.
But for the past 8 weeks they've been late to the meeting or moved it or cancelled it completely. They keep telling me if I need help, let them know and they will get me the help I need no questions asked.
The one time I ask for help they have done literally nothing.
Glad it is so important to them. -
WORST: moved from Canada to France and went from a company with agile methods to one without methods.
A 8 months nightmare...
So much useless meeting, for no result
A drupal project... with a junior team with no drupal experience at all.
And a general "i don't give a fuck" feeling from everyone.
BEST: My new job. Building from scratch a Team with agile methods, backed by my hierarchy.3 -
X: Hi, regarding that ticket that you made...
You said "Implement logging to find out the culprit in site generation"...
What do you mean exactly?
Me: "Read the meeting notes, we had a full discussion on this 2 weeks ago".
X: "We don't understand it..."
Me: "As I said before, I have no experience in this tech stack... I'd expect bla to have a logging framework and I'd - for easier recognition - implement additional logging levels based on criteria <me just reading the meeting notes>"
X: But how do we do it?
...
I wish I had invented this discussion.
Because it hurts.
For the jolly of it, I had similar discussions today.
Three times to be exactly.
As I asked some dev what I should do next, put a foley catheter up his urethra or change the bed pan he wasn't amused.
Guess I'll get monday a call of HR.
So Monday I have less work to do, which is awesome.5 -
Being railroaded by a colleague and accused of project sabotage, then having to submit to a 2 hour interrogation where I was literally sat in a corner and read a riot act. I had done nothing of which I was being accused. I sic'ed HR on them in a followup meeting but all HR did was sit and listen and then find in their favor despite the written evidence because my manager outranked the HR manager. That was when I learned that employees are always wrong when the manager wants them to be. I freelance now. No manager, and I can fire my clients.
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Manager 1: "We're going to hold a small meeting because of a new project."
Me: "Okay, cool. What project is it about?"
Manager 1: "Project X".
ME: "Right. What's the domain name?"
Manager 2: "Well there's this design but it's entirely made up. Just a concept."
Manager 1: "Wait, there's no more toner."
Manager 1 and 2 take 20 minutes to fix the printer, so manager 1 can print out an e-mail. They both return to their seats. No meeting happens. I roll a smoke and go outside to flip through LinkedIn for the nth time this week.3 -
VoIP meeting today lasted 7 minutes.
I have kept the board down to ~5 ticket average for the last 3 months.
Co-worker(jokingly): I guess we don't need you anymore.
CEO: Quite the contrary. @chenb0x may need a promotion.
Me: *smirks*
This is why I like working for this company. Love the culture....no matter how much I may bitch about the clients.
'How did I get here?' a young dev may ask.
1. Delegate where proper
2. Script whatever can be scripted
3. When the board is low in tickets, it becomes a recursive responsibility to keep it low.
Back story
-----------------
When I was hired, the VoIP board was sitting at a ~30-40 ticket average.1 -
Stand up on Zoom...
Day 1: No one knows who will speak their daily tasks first or last
Day 45: There is mutual order which appears out of the blue and everyone has their own sort of roll number for speaking in stand-up meeting😂3 -
I NEED MY SLEEP FFS!!! It is 06:20 in the morning and I am already on the train to work because one of our managers felt the need to plan a meeting from 08:00 on monday morning to explain EXACTLY why something does not work.
Needless to say that she is no dev (or has technical know how)!
But the best part is:
THE INVITATION FOR THE MEETING WAS SEND OUT FRIDAY EVENING SO THERE IS NO PREPARATION-TIME WHATSOEVER!!!
Fuck5 -
Zoom is no meeting software.
At best, a webcast something.
*insert deity here* do I hate the overlay, sound options and speaker focus.
I want to choose wether the sound on coffee breaks keeps playing at 260%. FFS!4 -
Been sick since Wednesday with a heavy feeling of dizziness and vertigo (BPPV). Basically I got sick in the week I intentionally planned nothing to tackle my workload and get some stuff done, but I was physically unable to work on it until now.
Meeting is on Monday.
Also preorder my new book on O'Reilly, much appreciated.
(No, I am not panicking, pls send help)3 -
I was interviewed for a brand new startup, which is now worth +$20m, and I really liked the idea and founder behind. When I met with her, I was blindsided by another developer, who was gonna ask the questions (which is fair!) - I simply weren't informed.
The meeting went on, and seemed great, however we started talking about bug tracking, and I mentioned that I liked "New Relic" (no more!!) and he, the developer, obviously did not, as the mood suddenly changed and he started bitching about it being expensive, and that there were better alternatives.. The meeting endes shortly after, and I was told by the founder that she'll contact me.. Never happened. However I was told by the developer who was hired instead of me, that "another application was rejected due to personal preferences"..
May be small problems to anyone but me, but I just find it disgusting, and it's typical developers to be so high and mighty about their choises ("X language sucks, you should use Y")
I don't blame the founder at all, and I've supported their company since (minus ranting about the shitty product that they ended with)3 -
Friday meeting 2 hours before the weekend:
Manager: I want this and this and that and that feature implemented.
Me: Ok, next week I'll do it.
Monday meeting 2 hours after the weekend:
Manager: Have you already implemented this and this and that and that feature you promised to do?
Me: No3 -
"For me, it means..."
For me it was not one specific meeting, but rather a series of meetings with a customer over some years.
It was like the movie "groundhog day", it was the same all over again.
We had this technical term, and our customer had his own definition of what it meant and what it's supposed to be. No need to say that his definition did not match the one the engineers and developers of the world had agreed on.
At least a dozen times, i convinced him, but as soon as the meeting ends, it's all reset and we start at zero next time with his new or old definition of what a definition should mean. Sometimes i was just sick and tired of it so i let him explain how it is while i just stared into the void. Didn't matter he told me once, it will happen again next time again, like it never happened before.1 -
People will send an invite to have a meeting during my lunch break and expect me to attend…
No thanks, I may not have a life, but I got to eat.1 -
Ever fuckinn "townhall meeting" at previous workplace. It was such an utter waste of time that even after leaving that place I still rage when thinking about it.
Every 4-6 months they would setup this useless crap of a meeting that drags on for over 1-1.5 hours of execs talking themselves up and trying to convince how great they are. And since they were cheapskates they would send out an email asking everyone to not join from their desks but congregate in the conference rooms to save on the dial-in. The conference rooms didn't have adequate chairs, vantilation or good enough aircon to handle twice/thrice the capacity of people standing in the room.
The marketing exec would go on and on about how great the media visibility is, how many views/likes they had on a linkedin post last month. The sales exec would blabber on about how their team is great and that the customers themselves are lining up and there is no competitor. Straight after the CFO would lecture on how the year is still difficult financially (in disguise justifying the peanuts of pay). The last exec, no matter who that is would specifically raise a point that the previous speakers didn't mention his/her team while thanking others.
This is also not a small company, the total headcount was just over 900 and roughly 500-700 people would be attending these townhalls. Imagine the amount of man hours wasted on that shitshow.6 -
Planning.
- Sales people: we will deploy and install 100 customers by the end of the month.
Meaning: 100 it's impossibile, we want actually do 50, but we set a high target so people will sweat their ass off. But we don't tell them the truth.
- Tech people: no way, we will deploy and install no more than 25!
Meaning: we could do 100 but we would die. We will guarantee 25, but since we are good we will optimise the workflow and maybe we will make it to 50. But we don't want to create expectations.
Big misunderstanding arise if these two language are used in the same meeting.
At least if I'm in the meeting as technical people7 -
We planted a blanket, pillow and full sized ambulatory mannequin to sleep under the desk of our software director. It was a deep desk with no visible parts showing unless you happened to look down.
After a meeting, he went into his office and sat down. About a minute later there was a very high pitched squeal and he came running out of his office to the amusement of several developers and managers outside. 😈1 -
I assigned a new task to an intern who has been with us for a month. He was supposed to prepare the testing environment and test the Geolocation API. When it works, then he can start integrating it with our platform and everything.
After a week, he emails me to say that he thinks the Geolocation API doesn't work. I was weirded out by that because a lot of people use it. We scheduled a meeting and asked him for a demo of his code to see what the error message is.
Him: *no Visual Studio, no code, nothing at all* So here it goes.
Me: ????
Him: *Goes to the API documentation, copies the base URL, pastes it to the browser and hits Enter* See? It says 404 not found.
Me: *literally facepalmed*
Now, he is working on sales management. We totally took him off every software developing projects.8 -
I fucking hate MS Teams!
I do not use it at all, but there is another company of our group that has it. At the beginning, I could just access the website and talk to them over there. Ok, the page was not good, but that used to work for me.
The last meeting I had with them, the web version did not exist anymore, they just made me install the app. Luckily there is an official Linux version, so I could install it. I got late to the meeting, but could make it.
Today I had a meeting with a client. Important stuff and Teams did not let me use it because I had no business account with Teams enabled on it.
I've tried to use one of my personal accounts, to create a new one, to enable Teams, I've clicked, enabled, allowed every single thing they asked, but I ended up on the Teams home page again or with Teams asking me to call people on Skype instead of using Teams.
I've managed to create a company on Microsoft account on which I had to be responsible to my workers (!?!?!?) and it finally opened the Teams app, but when I try to enter the client meeting link, it just opens the app with no error message at all.
Fuck Teams and fuck Microsoft!2 -
No, you cannot ask us to move our tech meeting elsewhere because we're being "loud", for the same reason we don't ask you to leave the area because your non-work-related chatter is distracting us from our said meeting. It's the only video conferencing system in the joint, and it's not our fault you and your people sit nearby. How dare you go past us and complain to our boss as if we're nothing to you - just because you were recently promoted, don't act like you were never in the trenches with the rest of us. It's like you have no respect for us now that you've gone a step up the ladder. The next time you or your team members try to fuck with us like that over petty shit like this, we're going to bring the hammer down on your asses and burn every last vestige of self-worth you have by making sure you never get a moment's peace. It's bad enough you and your team suck each other off during our bi-weekly department meeting by patting yourselves on the back for doing what's supposed to be your fucking jobs - don't you dare try to drag us down to make yourselves look like fucking saints. That is where I cross the goddamn line.
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No fuck off we don't need a team meeting about it.
We shouldn't need to go in front of a panel to begin with, let us get on with our job and let us automate the shit so sprint planning wouldn't be so difficult2 -
How to run a productive meeting?
Have a written agenda (provided before the meeting, of course)
No "Lets talk about the service architecture" nonsense. Provide the exact details of what the outcome of the meeting should be. Even been lucky enough to cancel meetings when the agenda points are answered in a reply email. Its awesome.
As conditioned as we are about agendas, a few mgrs still skip the agenda and it ends up as you would imagine. At the end, everyone is like "Why are we here? What did we decide? Looks like we need another meeting..."4 -
So I just had my another CUTSOM (code-until-the-start-of-meeting) practice. 🤷
Proud of myself for pulling it off when yesterday was a day of OS reinstallation-fuckartory and a night of stormy-no-power. 🕺
And at the same time, hating at myself. 🤦♂️3 -
Let's call him Butthead.
Butthead loves hearing his own voice, so he speaks like waterfall. You ask him one question, prepare for a one hour discussion. Always in same loud voice no matter if he is in a meeting or just chatting with his side mate.2 -
Corporation.
Meeting with middle level managers.
Me - data scientist, saying data science stuff, like what accuracy we have and what problems with performance we managed to solved.
Manager 1: Ok, but is this scrum?
Manager 2: No they're using kanban.
Manager 3: That's no good. We should be using DevOps, can we make it DevOps?
So yea, another great meeting I guess..4 -
On the further subject of "new trends" that piss me off, being in an important meeting, asking someone an important question about work they haven't completed, and getting back:
"Oh sorry I was *multitasking* then, could you repeat that?"
No you cloth-eared dufus, you weren't multitasking, you were focusing on only one thing - and it wasn't the meeting that you called and the meeting you're meant to be listening to. Arse. -
So, I wasn't invited to the caffeine-and-sugar-back-patting orgy (4+ hour meeting, I kid you not), despite the fact I've poured a shitastical amount of time and energy into the stuff they were talking about, and I actually accomplished a lot of useful stuff too (not that they would know, most (including the boss) have shown little to no interest)...
Telling it like it is, which I did at previous occasions, would probably have ruined all the positive energy.
Oh, am I glad I'm quitting (I got a new, better job at a company that seems to know what they're doing). -
Senior group project in college.
When you decide to meet up and one member doesn't show up at first meeting.
So I sent an email about the research I did on the feasibility of the project and how to implement a core requirement. 2 days later & no response yet..
Why do I think I'm gonna be the one the pull off the application by myself & then have to put name of people who have no idea how I got it to work..8 -
Gets scheduled into team meeting. Relatively new, see 5 pm ok sweet nbd. *reads IST. Tf is IST? Google that shit, INDIA FUCKIN STANDARD TIME? 5 pm IST != 5 pm EST. Fuckin oh no that shits at 6:30 am. Brb while I slice myself open with safety scissors.2
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The worst thing I have seen a dev do?
- Have all the APIs work without an access token for our main product which handles ~10k requests a day.
- Calling our architecture secure in the crucial investor meeting and being 'confident' that our database can not be compromised. No wonder we did not get funded.3 -
!rant
I received a pair of complements on how well I run team meetings after an engineering all staff this morning. Received a similar comment last week.
Someone asked “what’s your secret?”
I reply “Laziness”
“What?”
“I’m lazy. I don’t like meetings most of the time. So when I run meetings, I run them so that they’re over as fast as possible”
“How do you do that?”
“By knowing what I actually want”
“What if you don’t know what you want?”
“Then there’s no meeting”
“Well what if y-“
“Hey listen I have another meeting to get to”3 -
Can I have a big applause for this recruitment agency that baffled me in a good way?
No I'm not kidding! Their employers are actually not total fuckwits at all, as opposed to ALL previous recruiters I've had the nauseating displeasure of meeting.
They really found me 3 perfectly fitting jobs! (and I'm known to be picky)4 -
The interface for time input in outlook Web on mobile is driving me crazy!! It's not as if there was a built in control that is well supported in all modern browsers.... Right
1. You can't tap on an hour to select it
2. You can only select by scrolling
3. The scrolling is "smooth scrolling". So you have N O fucking chance to select the time slot you wanted. After too much time has passed you just give up and accept that your meeting will be at 09:57
4. In order to go up in time you constantly activate the"pull to refresh" feature of Chrome.
I'm definitely no mindless MS hater but this I cannot tolerate.6 -
when your PM sets a meeting for 7pm, postpones until 10pm and says: "no worries, we can do this another day"
u took my FRIDAY, WOMAN! -
!dev
Again, someone I know got married after having a relationship for 2 3 years.
I am 26, soon to be 27. I never ever had a good relationship. All I have his crap and crap stories. In my country girls get married around 28 maximum.
Arrange marriages are way to go here. But do not want to have that fuss. In lockdown no chance of meeting someone.
Not achieving anything in my job, no realistic progres in my personal life. I think I am heading towards a big mess.65 -
We had a company feedback meeting the other week; an airing of grievances so to speak. One of the complaints was about how when someone calls 911, no one knows exactly where it goes.
The way he phrased it, we all though it was a metaphor. But as they talked about it, someone said, "Wait, are you .. you're taking about real 911 calls? Like this isn't a metaphor?"
All VoIP gets routed via the central office; so when someone from the California office dials 911 on a phone, they get a 911 dispatch in Illinois. 😶3 -
I am a weird dev. No urge to rant really, mostly internal frustrations if any.
Today I had my first meeting with the client and it went smoothly - I showcased demo in the current state, they approved, asked a bit more about the technology and that's pretty much it...
I know, I know... I'm just starting and it's gonna change but, idk why, I think I'm in a good work environment.1 -
My manager announced in today's team meeting that I got promoted and going to work in another department next month and no one said anything and I'm so fucking triggered. I just can't help it, I worked with most of these people for a long time, I know their best wishes mean nothing but come on, how fucking salty can you be, and why do I care so much lol.8
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Fun Story: My first official project was related to system files security. In first meeting project manager was talking about Macros and OLE i had no idea what the heck he was saying.just kept noding
Took us 2 months to complete the project now it has been deployed and working perfectly
Told my manager about this during final one on one meeting and he couldnt believe me,he still laughs about it everytime we meet -
That moment when you are in a meeting with your seniors and no one is accepting your ideas, but you are still happy cause you don't have to work and you can day dream.2
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Senior Dev Idiot: "Ugh, I have another meeting with my business users because they forgot how to use my app. I JUST had a training session with them last week too. Users are soo stupid!"
Yeah... No. If your users can't remember how to use your app after a damn week, that means your app is shit and not intuitive or user-friendly enough. YOU are the stupid one.8 -
Thoughts prior to feedback meeting, about how it's gonna go.
---------------------------------------------------------
Scenario one:
Supervisor: The shit is this? You call this a research work? Get the fuck out of here! You're fired and even your unborn kids are banned from coming into this institute ever again!
Me: *walks out sobbing* (dunno how one can walk out of a zoom meeting, but this is imaginary so who's counting?)
Scenario two:
S: Umm, good work. I just don't think it's presentable. Maybe come back in like a few weeks when you actually polish this into a "real scientific work".
Me: *sobs after meeting. Starts preping for seppuku cuz no idea where I'm headed with this work any further*
Scenario three:
S: nah man. This is no good. Let's start from the bottom. Like, start data collection from the beginning or something.
Me: *sobs and commits seppuku on the meeting.* (I just have a pen tho. Hope it has the same effect as a sword)
---------------------------------------------------------
There are other scenarios, but they all end up in me sobbing and/or committing seppuku in/after the meeting so yeah the drama is running high right now.11 -
Team Meeting with Senior senior manager(SSM) from headquarters.
Post lunch break (casual talks)
SSM: You all people in this office live in luxury. Each and every door has a security guard to open and close the door for all of you. HQ doesn't have these.
Me: So, does it mean that there are no doors or no security guards at the HQ?
Everyone in my team with a very big facepalm. Manager telling me not to get high after having the lunch.
Footnote: All my colleagues and my manager often tells me that I get high just by eating food.4 -
you know what i !love?
-project managers that can't manage something as simple as pivotal tracker
-project managers that schedule repeated stakeholder demo sessions when none of my stakeholers show up (ever)
-project managers that hold repeated grooming sessions that no one gives a fuck about because they can't manage what the fuck is going on the current iteration and therfore cannot forecast a proper next iteration
-project managers that complain about what doesn't get done in a current iteration because they don't don't pay attention to high priority stories that are added by developers in the current iteration even though they have (OWN) pivotal tracker
-project managers who have no clue about the business but want to turn grooming sessions into some sort of requirements gathering meeting only so they can appear halfway competent in the stupid little pivotal tracker notes
-cats that can't decide whether they want to go outside or stay inside
i'll take cats. at least their cuddly. sometimes. fuckers.2 -
So a few weeks ago, our PO really scolded my team for not letting him in on our release planning meeting. His rant went on for about 30 minutes, just one long monologue about why he should be invited in the future.
Apparently he wanted to know details since there were some important fixes in the release, which I suppose is fair (though the rant is really not necessary).
Fastforward 2 weeks, we invite him again. He accepts, but never shows up. We decide to start the planning anyway, since we don't want the release branch blocked because someone didn't show up.
Immediately after the meeting, we write him with the new release plan. And he starts ranting again about "planning without him" -.- ..
1) Stop yelling at the team you're supposed to work with. Talk with the team about it - I'm sure they'll listen.
2) If you demand being in meetings, show up - or at least decline in advance.
3) You have no right to rant about "not being part of the planning" when you were literally invited for a planning meeting 2 weeks in advance. No meetings were overlapping, so there's literally no excuse..1 -
Just checked my work email to see what's coming in today....
And see someone on the London scheduled a 9AM meeting with me at 5:30AM my time.
Yes thanks for the advance notice...
Not going to be in the morning though and well the whole thing is BS based on some stupid new requirement that doesn't make sense.
Basically asking to migrate a while application to a new platform that no one understands yet.... Just to add a completely unrelated be feature...
Feature: 1month
Migration: 1 year based on the pre-reqs needed5 -
On Friday. Client and Project Managers arranged a meeting and wanted me to be there. Client said the meeting will be max 15 Minutes but it was around 2 hours. This client project was due the following week. I was happy because everything was done and excited that the client might be coming down to say how awesome the work was.
The table turned around. They came changed the designed and functionalities. The client said, it won't take long to do it, right? and my Project Manager said No! No! No! don't worry its very easy thing. It will take him around 1 day to do it, it's just all cosmetic changes.
It took me more than a week to get it done, test again, check on browsers. The client was pissed and they fired us. Guess who was blamed for it?1 -
So, I am a couple of more months in working in my new role. Learning the trade and boy do people have a lot of fucking things to say! It’s incredible the AMOUNT OF BULLSHIT these people get away with…
Background, I’ve been a software consultant for a number of companies working in different sectors in different development roles for +16 years. I built everything from RS232, iOS to BI. Shifted to permanent developer for large global corporation where I got promoted to clown.
Anyway, anyhow.
FUCK, these FUCKING people!!!
Meeting after meeting after endless pointless discussions and even more pointless fucking powerpoint presentation which if you stack them on top of each other will reach the FUCKING top floor where there are even more morons. FUCK!
There is absolutely NO cohesion, there is NO plan, short-term or long-term, no vision that can be practically implemented. There are different organizations of equal power and the result is a FUCKING MAZE.
But people travel the FUCKING GLOBE. You know, THE FUCKING PLANET EARTH, for pointless workshops and alignments (plural). FUCK!
And it’s getting worse. We’ve got consultants hiring consultants now whose job is to hire consultants. True story! And it’s not that high up the org chart either!
It’s a beast! A retarded beast.
We are NOT helping.
I got to get out of this fucking corporation. So, I am starting to design my exit strategy. The master plan.1 -
Holy shit. In a meeting that literally makes no sense. We're taking credit for work by claiming story points. Story points. How the hell does that work? Especially since we have told management CONSTANTLY that story points are abstract LOE shit and NOT time spent. Yet I suggest if we REALLY want to estimate who worked what we track time spent I get shot down. You can't get a concrete measurement from an abstract concept. Also, we're being encouraged to argue over who does what? What does THAT help? AND we're not even reestimating if we over or under estimating, but being forced to massage our numbers into the estimate. What the fuck?4
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Panicking awake a minute before the 7:00 am alarm thinking you overslept, knowing you have an 8 am meeting and that you need to make sure you’re fully conscious for it which means taking your ADHD meds ASAP and not getting distracted for an hour as per the usual.
Then getting a message at 7:13 that the meeting is going to be repurposed and your attendance is no longer necessary. 🙃1 -
Spend hours implementing a working landscape design for mobile app. Priority #1 most important feature. Review meeting attendees decide not to support landscape mode because...well, for no good reason at all.
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I'd like to share with you guys the fact that I had one of the greatest Christmases ever!
This includes having randomly received this debugging duck from someone that had no idea what it would mean to me, but also meeting people who brought 4 dogs to the family reunion (I am absolutely in love with dogs)1 -
Why don't people respond to emails? Everyone complains that things could be handled in an email instead of having a meeting. Well maybe you should start replying to my simple fucking questions so I don't have to send meeting notices. You always accept the meeting notices but you NEVER reply to emails! What the fuck people? Now I'm arranging a meeting for 15 minutes just to get a simple is yes or no question answered, are you kidding me here? You're part of the problem! You are THE ENTIRE problem!! You know how much of my time I've wasted getting no answers in IMs and emails?! Should I try smoke signals? It's not even a hard question! Will someone be at the site on the day we need them to be?! How hard is that question to answer!? Evidently im-fucking-possible!5
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I started noticing something about startups here. They all think they r innovative and full of fresh ideas, but they all just copy bigger companies. My old coworker started a small web dev company and they are using php with react, the company ladder is the fucking same as anywhere else.
I noticed these as i was collecting ideas for a company (if i write that word again pls shoot me). So far we are thinking
0) no, or minimal local storage, we would have a github subscription, jira cloud, vps
1) no strict hierarchy, ultimately the ceos would make the decisions but in every meeting we would include even the interns
2) the stack would not be set in stone, java spark and vuejs are good starting points but frameworks exist to serve a purpose
3) like 2-3 days office time per week, if someone wants to work from a café, why not2 -
So I'm called down to the office the other day for a meeting, I get there and my boss says "hi this is John Doe he has applied for the developer role, can you give him the technical interview" had no time to prep, my boss didn't even give me a copy of his CV2
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I have no words to describe the last meeting.
One of the project managers was putting his feet on the desk, chewing his gum with an open mouth, and playing around with his phone.
The people in the room were so tense and looks defensive, which is normal if you have dirty shoes in your direction.
Luckily I'm remote but at least I know that won't like to move to his team at any cost. -
This is long rant/story:
My manager conducts sync-up meetings regularly. The idea is to sync up all developers on current state of work. He does’t conduct stand-ups. He doesn't have time for it. He rather discusses on individual basis if we are blocked. The rule of the sync-up meeting is NOT to discuss any blockers or problems but simply explain each other what we are doing and how we plan next.
Sometime ago, the manager brought up and explained a new way of working in the sync-up meeting. At this point, a new developer in the team was absent due to sickness.
Today, there was a sync-up meeting and the manager started to question the new member about the newly introduced way of working. He was unaware of it and the manager never communicated this important information via email or any mode of communication available.
So, the conversation goes on as follows:
"Manager": — "Why didn’t you complete your task as per the new way of working?"
"Employee": — "Well, I've no idea. Am I supposed to do? I’ve been working as usual like any other"
"Manager": — "We have a new process and you have failed to follow it, so we’re late in delivering your work"
"Employee": — "I’ve already finished my work on time. I've raised a pull-request this morning"
"Manager": — "It doesn’t matter, it is not merged to main branch and so we can’t include your work in the release"
"Employee": — "I’ve no idea about the new process"
"Manager": — "Haven’t you asked around about what happened from previous meeting"
"Employee": — "Yes, I have. I was told which tasks were handled, but nothing about a new process"
"Manager": — "Aren’t you interested to learn it?"
"Employee": — "Why won’t I be interested? I was on a sick leave and I have no clue what happened here"
"Manager": — "What’s happened is past now, let’s not focus on it"
"Employee": — <Dumbfounded>
The Employee felt ashamed in front of everyone. He did his job but it didn’t pay off.
…. After an hour … the Employee had a talk with the Manager
"Employee": — "You shouldn’t have pointed me out in front of everyone. It made me feel real bad. You should have emailed this information if its important for the team."
"Manager": — "I have no idea what you’re talking about. When did I say so? I think you’ve a bright future in the team. You should be focusing on doing better things."
Employee goes back to work. A minute later, the Manager sends a PowerPoint screenshot of the process in the group chat.
**The Process**
It's about delivering release packages based on priorities defined by client. Each release package is a set of work items or requirements. Individual developers are assigned to work items. They are expected to deliver on planned delivery timelines in order to consider a work item into a release package.1 -
Was in a meeting with the execs and the boss singles me out and asks me where is this functionality at. I told him the dev working on it will have it ready today. He goes no no no this needs to happen now. I am speechless have no idea how to tell him this employees are working very hard and is doing the very best with the limited time we had. I personally was up at midnight coding to deliver on time. That was the start of my bad day ... crap just pilled on :/1
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Almost at my company for two years, and not a single raise or compensation adjustment. No bonuses. No nothing.
I was scheduled to get something in April, but COVID hit and fucked it up for everyone.
But hey, if you're on sales you get a BONUS on top of your commission for selling a product and get a mandatory meeting every Friday that the entire company has to attend, just to jerk each other off with deals we've made.
Yes, we make a product. Yes, you are hired to sell it. We cannot live without each other. Just blows that the engineers are under appreciated, underpaid, and just not cared about.5 -
Today's shit list, compiled from multiple random apps:
* Your subscription renews without an email in advance (no time to cancel)
* Your chat bot asks me twenty questions about why I want to cancel my membership, then sends me to a live agent, who asks me the same damn questions.
* Your app emails me my password in plain text
* Meeting agenda squashed by execs:
"We don't talk about _____, but we're committed to transparency." -
Just had a work review last day. They told I am meeting their expectations . Okay ,Nice..
Then at night , talking to a friend working in same company ,heard her review significantly exceeding expections and all she gets to do simple bug fixes or smaller user stories. No complaints for her.. But for my team, A little more appreciation would have been better..
When these corporate jobs will realise that sometimes an appreciation can make you work better?1 -
My boss (Peter) canceled the meeting for today.
Talking to my coworker:
Me: I had a feeling there would be no meeting.
Coworker: Yeah? What made you think that?
Me: When Peter came to me and said, "There is no meeting today." I had a feeling there would be no meeting.
Coworker: That is some pretty strong intuition you have there. <laughing>
Me: I may have been jumping to conclusions though.
Coworker: <laughing harder>3 -
TL;DR: When picking vendors to outsource work to, vet them really well.
Backstory:
Got a large redesign project that involves rebuilding a website's main navigation (accessibility reasons).
Project is too big just for our dev team to handle with our workload so we got to bring a 3rd party vendor to help us. We do this often so no big deal.
But, this time the twist was Senior Management already had retained hours with a dev shop so they want us to use them for project. Okay...
It begins:
Have our scope / discovery meeting about the changes and our expected DevOps workflow.
Devs work Local and push changes to our Github, that kicks off the build and we test on Dev, then it goes to Staging for more testing & PM review. Once ready we can push to prod, or whenever needed. All is agreed, everyone was happy.
Emailed the vendors' project manager to ask for their devs Github accounts so we can add them to the project. Got no reply for 3 days.
4th day, I get back "Who sets up the Github accounts?"
fuck me. they've never used Github before but in our scope meeting 4 days ago you said Github was fine...??
Whatever, fuck it. I'll make the accounts and add them.
Added 4 devs to the repo and setup new branch. 40min later get an email that they can't setup dev environment now, the dev doesn't know how to setup our CMS locally, "not working for some reason."
So, they ask for permission to develop on our STAGING server.. "because it's already setup"... they want to actively dev on our staging where we get PM/Senior Management approvals?
We have dev, staging, production instances and you want to dev in staging, not dev?... nay nay good sir.
This is whom senior management wants us to use, already paid for via retainer no less. They are a major dev shop and they're useless...
😢😭
Cant wait for today's progress checkup meeting. 😐😐
/rant1 -
It's been a while since I've heard a consensus of a moronic idea from the corner offices. I was invited to a department planning meeting (just to listen, not necessarily engage or add value) and discussion went to the development of a mobile app.
Mgr1: "The CEO has the net present value of the mobile project as $20 million. Where did he get that number?"
VP: "No idea."
Mgr2: "How will it be any different than our web site that is already mobile compliant?"
VP: "It is to gain market share"
Mgr3: "Market share from who? A mobile app is not going to increase our customer base. At best, it will only move some of our existing customers to mobile. No way it would scale to those numbers."
VP: "The primary benefit is so customers can browse offline."
Mgr2: "Offline browsing isn't listed in the milestones."
Mgr1: "We're not going to push and keep gigs of data up-to-date on someone's phone just for random times they don't have internet access."
VP: "I guess that's right. We can push our pdf catalog. That's only a few hundred meg."
Mgr2: "Pushing the catalog? That's not on the listed milestones"
VP: "Its all assumed."
Mgr3: "Who owns this project? Web team is already maxed to capacity."
Mgr2: "Marketing team only has 3 developers, we can't take on anything as complex as a mobile app and support the existing processes."
Mgr1: "What about the network infrastructure and PCI compliance? We're talking about a system for the web site and another for mobile, right?"
Mgr2: "Who is going to manage all the versions in the app stores and future changes to the mobile platform?"
Mgr4: "Not us"
Mgr2: "Nope"
Mgr1: "OK, good. Its very likely this project will be dead on arrival at the next company strategic meeting."
VP: "Mobile the only project on the strategic meeting agenda. Sorry guys, it's happening. We're not going to leave $20 million sitting on the table.
<awkward silence>
VP: "Next item of business ..."3 -
Long time no rant.
Here's the summary of a review meeting I & team just had with our programming prof:
"You did exactly what I taught you in class, and I don't like it."
"To get a better mark you should've done more than what was required."
"This wasn't a requirement. You should've kept it short."
except we asked about it being a requirement earlier and only got vague answers like "that should be obvious."
Also, printing a class diagram over 2 pages apparently is unacceptable and we should've gone to a copyshop to print that as one page instead.1 -
So my boss asked us to start using a timer app (toggl) to measure the times spend doing each thing, the thing is I suck at that, so I started a meeting activity and then left to have breakfast, when i returned my timer showed I had bren in a meeting for an hour lol. Even worse I have no current activities assigned so I am just watching videos how should I call that activity?3
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Meeting with another dev team whose application needs to interface with ours. A few topics and Q&A sessions later, a dreadful feeling started to creep up on me. That moment when you grep'd the other team's architects and technical lead for any combination of common sense and grep returned no results. This is going to be a long day3
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Had a meeting with a customer living 60 km away from where I live. We agreed that I would travel to their place since they had something they wanted to talk about. Furthermore, they said that the content for their website was too large to fit a mail and Dropbox was a foreign country. Got there, they had no particular thing they wanted to talk about and they have made no content at all. 2 hours of my day wasted for nothing.2
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So we have a desktop in each meeting room. In case you need to present something. And some of the desktops, if the previous person hasn't gracefully logged off, you can't log on.
Most people would take down the login id, run back to their own desktop, lookup and call the previous person to come and log off.
I'm not one of those nice people as you've already guessed - but there's no reset button on those desktops.
So instead of holding the power botton for a few seconds and tap again, I just unplug the power, and plug it back on.2 -
My current job makes me want to question my life choices.
Its a complete burnout.
I do 9 to 6 never 6 though its always 7 or 730 come home exhausted, and still on almost all days need to attend to customers after hours. Customer meeting at 8.30pm are quite consistent occuring. Being a developer, debugging meetings I can understand to a certain extent, but why the f i am preparing quotes and pitching products.
Want to prep for new job boom no time left to do so other than weekends.4 -
In my study program the is this last big course everyone is looking forward to because it combines everything we've learned so far. It's a group project where you build a middle-scale-ish application using ask kind of project management like scrum & co.
We had a good idea and am enthusiastic team.
Well, long story short: our assigned teacher was just bad. He barely listened to our proposal, had no fucking idea who we were at the second meeting and he FUCKING FELL ASLEEP in the last meeting. No feedback. No comments on our progress. Nothing. We could've work with the cleaning lady, she probably would've more feedback for us! -
I have been coding for 2 years, 1 month at a company
Teammate1 has been coding for a year, a genius, learns everything in a week, knows all major js frameworks, refuses to adhere to any rules except no rebase on pushed (luckily)
Teammate2 has been coding for a year, learns slowly, very reliable, has no common sense at all
Teammate3 the designer, really has the skills but always busy, never has time for a meeting, gets very mad if it looks different from her original plan.
We're all college students short of money so they all want to work for clients. I don't have the leadership skills / charisma for this.1 -
You wanna have a meeting, fine. We'll have a meeting. But for the love of balsamic vinegar, put a fucking agenda in. I automatically decline any meeting request with no agenda, regardless of who sent it.
Guard your time well, my friends. It is precious and fleeting. -
Been made redundant today.
Get some tissues cause imma spill my tea across your keyboards.
It was my first job. I was a UX designer.(I guess I have to use past tense?) I was there for 6 months. It was enjoyable and rewarding,slightly stressful because I worked for two companies under an umbrella company and was split 50-50.
I was told to come to work and I went and I saw one of my bosses in the room aswell ( I have two bosses btw - 2 companies)
The head of IT comes in and tells us we both have been made redundant as our company is not doing well ( its a travel company)...
I was shocked and I cried. I felt sorry for my boss he was there for ten yrs. And he has kids. I was told I could go home but I went to bathroom and cried. I came out and I didn't know if I was supposed to finish the day ( I had 3 meetings) or go home.... So I went to the meeting like a dumb dumb.
Most awk meeting because the other company didn't even know I was made redundant. The meeting was about how even though its a difficult time for us we r United and we aren't firing u guys just take unpaid holidays etc. Btw IT head was in that meeting was shocked to see me there ... I don't even know why I went. Anyways I found out they got rid of 174 employees across the umbrella company. I had to awkwardly tell my other boss I've been made redundant. He was shocked... I don't even know what to do. How to do. Sigh. I asked him if we wanted me to finish work off he's like do whatever u want to do.... I mean whattt.
Also does anyone know what a redudancy consultantion meeting is? It's my first job I have no idea what happens. Anyone here made redundant? How did u cope with it? Do u think I'm gonna get another job in this pandemic? Sorry I'm just a bit lost7 -
Haven't ranted for awhile but here it goes...
In a meeting with a front end user yesterday. They don't like the entry screens on our Oracle ERP system. They want us to provide them with a tool so they can create new entry screens to replace those they dont like. They want full autonomy over that tool and no interference from IT. Oh, and they want unfettered database access to the production data, including full ability to execute DML. I so wanted to say 'Are you high?'.1 -
https://youtube.com/watch/...
A day in the life of a paypal dev.
1. Slurp some starbucks
2. Do a lil' Meeting
3. Eat lunch
4. 1on1 Meeting with manager for one hour
5. Scroll over some code and look at the beautiful Momentum ToDo app
6. Bid some employee farewell (seems to happen every day there apparently)
Sounds pretty efficient. When you write no code you cannot create any bugs...3 -
So these same mother fuckers that think 8:00 is reasonable time for a meeting, have decided that the health checks need tk be done by 7:00
But no, I must just be grateful to have work2 -
Teammate has been slacking since a week: not joining standups, not joining calls, stuff like that. Upon asking , he does give info which is needed from him, over slack. He is a pretty good engineer and has won a company award this year.
Today manager scolded him pretty harshly. No direct slangs, but very rude tone and sentences like ‘do you need special invitation to your house to join this meeting?’ , ‘If you don’t want to work, just fuck all this shit’ and things along this line for 10 mins. Basically manager lost his shit completely.
I didn’t like the way he was treated. What options does my teammate have ? We’re based out of Hyderabad, India.6 -
Being on time for that 10 am stand-up meeting.
Yes, all the cool kids are doing it. Yes, sometimes there is a benefit in being in the office at the same time as your colleagues. Yes, communication and backbriefing is important.
Yet why has it to happen at that early early possible time? Yes I know other places are worse demanding to be in office starting from 6 to 9. (I wonder why I don't work there. Oh wait, I don't.) Some companies even try to trick you with free breakfast in the morning. Thanks, but no thanks, I just want coffee.
Here's a crazy thought: You let me do my work on my terms when and where and I guarantee I invest the hours we agreed upon in the contract and try my very best to achieve the current goal, and maybe I'll be a happy and productive employee.
How about that? No. Ok. By the way, is this a good time asking for the possibility to work from remote? Also no? Ah okay. Didn't think so ...rant your chrono-normativity sucks i just want coffee and not to talk to people first world problems wk942 -
Got transferred on to a new team. The team I was on previously was successful, had great processes, and very smart people. New team was floundering, very late, no processes, and crotchety. Did my best with the (lack of) expectations and information given to me. No one gave me any feedback. Get called into a meeting to discuss my lack of performance and failure to meet goals. If I hadn't needed the money I would have walked out. Transferred teams a month later.
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What's up with the meetings and schedules? If you involve 9 people for a 3 hour meeting, you're wasting 27 freaking hours and no it's not what standups mean. Startups! ugh2
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This happened a few years ago. We started this new project that was estimated to take 3 devs around 5 months to complete. We had a meeting where the client, the project manager, me and two other devs were present. When the client asked if we were still on track to complete the project by the end of September, the PM just said “yeah we are totally on track, no worries”.
Me and the other devs looked us straight in the eyes and nonverbally agreed that this guy has to be sniffing glue or something. For context: it was August.
After the meeting we immediately raised our concerns with him and our boss. The deadline was shifted and a freelancer was hired to assist. The PM quit shortly after and a way more competent guy took over. But the damage was already done.
In the end we finished that project in February or March the following year. Client was still happy but this shit triggered a whole clusterfuck of a year. Other projects were lagging behind because of this and we had to push out project after project that had accumulated in our backlog. -
As a junior developer, I am not invited to most of the discussion. Lead comes to us with requirements and we need to build it. My lead is really helpful so no people issues.
I am not sure if it's good for my growth/career. I have recently ( 6 months) joined here. Do you folks have any experience like this? What did you do? Do discussions/meeting help to grow?13 -
I was waiting all week for a meeting with the business strategist, to get a minimal understanding of what is happening in her fucking little confused mind.
At 15 o'clock she says, sorry, I have an headache, I must leave no meeting.
And I answer:
Lucky you! by chance I just powdered my cock with Aspirine and Iboprufene, so you can choose and take it through oral or rectal administration...4 -
No matter how much social skill improvement I do, it never makes meetings with non-tech leadership type people go as I expect. It is ridiculous how I have gotten so good at communicating, to the point where I can easily manipulate people, but they won't fucking have a straight conversation. Do non-engineers have an inferiority complex every time an engineer slips and says a technical term?
I just sat down in a meeting where I was grilled for answers, and when I went to explain the bigger principal that made them confused, they didn't want that much detail. Wtf? Just tell me you don't care and you want the job done, no need to pretend you want it done together just because you want it done now and your way.4 -
Meeting about brand new web app system to replace an ancient MFC app.
director: can we just use the old subsystem manager? (horrible mix of management ui and SOAP listeners in the same app...)
developers: No, that's an MFC app... not even just a server.
director: but... can't you just plug it in? you're using web components right?
developers: *weary sigh* -
DAYLIGHT SAVING!!
Up to this point, I was indifferent to the issue if it should be kept or not. My sleep schedule is fucked and non-routine anyway so one hour plus or minus doesn't play any role.
I got to a meeting scheduling problem, when I have 2 timestamps in variable timezones and want to calculate time difference. Both can have DST active. There is no algortihmic way to figure out. I checked SO and pytz and it's just a list of hardcoded dates when DST starts and ends. WHATHTEHELL.jpg
Not only we should abolish the DST, we should force the whole world into UTC/Zulu. And those, who refuse to adapt to UTC, will be forced to work with plain integer epoch dates.3 -
Boss assigned code cleanup to me. We put up eslint and fixed a couple of issues, all nice and cute. Now, he wants me to find any redundant code and remove it (redundant fields in config objects). Sounds doable right?
WRONG!
Because we're writing fucking ExtJS. This abomination that is still called a "web framework" in lieu of its former glory supports no typescript, no code intel, no JSDoc, no nothing. Absolutely heinous and deplorable. Add insult to injury, our code on it is even worse. NO single component reused except from a couple REALLY fucking badly written ones, because every component queries for shit outside its jurisdiction so it's all a dependency spaghetti. Everything else is just copy-paste. Barely anything works as intended anymore in this bloody joke of an app.
I tell him in a meeting, I can prepare an automated solution. Some script or something that runs on a file watcher. All nice and dandy. A weekend and a Monday later, I get tired and do something else to clear up my mind. Show him some progress in that other thing. He's like:
Boss: that's good and all but did you remove *insert misused config that got everywhere during copy paste* like I told you to?
Me: I'm still working on it. I switched cause I got tired a bit with the automation.
Boss: automation?
Me: We were talking about in the meeting. *Explains again*
Boss: That's not what we agreed upon
Mfw I've been rambling uselessly on the meeting about it just for you to put me down and make me remove all that copy pasted GUNK from the melting hot garbage that is our codebase BY HAND? All the 150 occurrences of it? What do you think I am, a fucking robot?2 -
just plan ahead? there's no point in doing a meeting where no one has thought about the subject beforehand or, even worse, if the interested parties are not present1
-
Ah yes i also love not having a meeting before our first sprint because 'there is nothing to talk about yet'. I see absolutely no way this could ever go wrong.1
-
How do you deal with people who are being rude to you on your very first meeting for no reason?
I am a peacelover, why do I always get stuck with the likes of these???!!!!8 -
MEETINGS
Daily stand up
Weekly status
Fortnightly update
Monthly planning
Life would be so much simpler without meetings. Just chat, why fuss over "meeting"?
As it is most of the things don't go as per what's planned in the monthly planning meeting.
Neither is there much of an update in the fortnightly update meeting. Only update is what we planned, isn't the right direction.
This will obviously screw up the weekly status. Screwed up planning is dishevelled implementation.
Daily stand up is just very sleep deprived developers, who don't wanna talk.
Make it my time's worth; say no more meetings. -
I got the requirements specifications today.... for something I've worked on for a year and is 9 months delayed due to design constantly changing and management always lagging behind.
Best part is specifications have requirements we have no chance of meeting in time.
Yet another failed deadline. Yafd2 -
Why does it always follow the same format?
Me: we should do do and so because xyz. Alternatives are this and that because uvw.
Manager: no, I'll hire another manager.
[Q]uit, [T]ry again? T... fml
Manager 2: let's have a meeting.
Meeting almost ends up being about an entirely irrelevant topic. Barely get the requirements before the end of the day.
Me: write summary following conventions.
Manager 2: let's hire another manager. Manager 1: great idea, manager 2!
Manager 3: let's build a spaceship!
[D]evsplain, [R]agequit, [T]ry again?
class Manager:
"""This shouldn't be too hard..."""
... -
1. Put idea on roadmap
2. Work out simple implementation
3. Productowner-san, please notice me.
4. Other devs pile on cool but complex ideas
5. A 4 hour meeting later, original simple idea is rejected because it's "out of scope" and there is "no consensus about implementation"
6. I already built it during the meeting
7. I sip my coffee while I enjoy the annoyed gasps as coworkers receive PR notifications.
8. FUCKING DARE TO REJECT IT COCK SUCKING SCRUMBAGS.2 -
Holly fucking crap
After my review meeting on friday last week this morning was called again by our technical manager, accounts manager and sales manager set e down
TechManager: Ok so after our meeting we deliberated with the rest of the management board
and we decided to add more responsibility to your plate
AcManager: yeah we feel that you can be of assistance to the organization
TechManager: Yeah our technical department is short stuffed and since you also do technical stuff we want you to also be taking charge of the department whilst I'm not in the office...
But we have some areas we are not happy and those areas will need to be improved on
any questions?
Me: No
(thinking: ok this is an opportunity for me to ask for a raise )1 -
Next week is super-efficient-daily-standup-and-monday-status-bonanza-meeting week!
The most effecient way is NOT to attend.
If you have no questions/impediments/whatever and you feel like you have velocity > whatever. Be a no-show!
I am SURE you know what is expected from you!
Hey, younglings! Some meetings are _not_ compulsary. No need to be there if you know the drill. If you are in a good work place, everyone will get it. You’re working. This is not always understood by juniors.
But, communicate what your intentions are! Don’t be quite. Communication are difficult. More is better than nothing! Just right is very difficult to obtain and will never be mastered.
And, Windows 11 really sucks… -
So one of the PMs arranged a meeting last week for today, where he was going to "talk to us about a project we're currently working on".
Today the PM was off, so myself and a few other managers attended said meeting. Once everyone was in, one of the managers looked around, then at me and stated: "Have you not prepared your handover for this meeting?". I was just sat there like "WTF? What handover!?"
Apparently the PM decided to raise a meeting saying he was going to talk about the project, but then told all the other managers I was going to give a handover. He told everyone, but me!!
No wonder he didn't show up for it -.-2 -
Project with partner company, during the meeting I asked them how can we secure the communication between two services. I suggested api keys, tokens. They were like nope, no need. But I asked them for their IPs to do whitelisting on our side in Nginx.
But their side, nah not even whitelisting, no tokens, no validations. If one has address, can send anything from anywhere.
How hard would it be to do at least, AT LEAST simple token validation. And they are using the very old IIS server. I think for them as long as data flows in as expected, it is fine.3 -
- have/share an agenda as soon as possible
- each talking point should identify a problem. Make a list of strategic questions answers to which would make it perfectly clear what and by whom has to be done to resolve them.
- plan meeting duration according to the list of questions. Make sure you meeting room reservation gives you enough time
- take notes
- be prepared for a need for another meeting(s), if during that meeting it comes clear that:
> more/other people need to be engaged
> some things are not clear and need more investigation before going further
> you have run out of time
> there are other problems tgat need to be worked out and it might cobsume too much time to do this in a current meeting
- do not turn the meeting into a chat. It's counter-productive, tiring to the listeners and a waste of time
- do not try to cover many topics. The less, the better. Unless they are very tightly coupled.
- do not invite people you do not need or there is a very slim chance you will need.
- only schedule meetings when the situation needs to be DISCUSSED among multiple parties
- that being said, do not schedule meetings when it's more convenient to communicate otherwise, like email, chat, etc.
- after the meeting make a summary and send it our to all the participants. They might reply and clarify if you have misunderstood smth or missed some important point.
- during the meeting assign tasks to each other. Verbally. Make notes. After the meeting reflect them in jira, rally, wtv.
- while assigning tasks nake sure the assignees have no blockers to work on them and make sure they understand what, when and how should be done. Some tasks might be dependedt on each other, work the sequence out.
- while assigning tasks ask "for ETAs. They might be as silly as 1-hour-to-2-weeks, but they still let you know what to expect.
- offer your assistance to the task assignees if they need any while working on their tasks
- work on your language, grammar, syntax, etc. Reading texts with typos/mistakes is repelling
- be a leader, an authority everyone is looking up to. Not a boss.
- avoid saying NOs. Be more of a "do we really need this; can we do this some other way/time; I can't promise anythibg but I'll see what I can do about it" kind of person. -
Do your colleagues read the emails or they ignore them like mine?
The usual answer is: sorry no time to read, place a meeting.
I do not want to schedule yet another useless meeting because you are unable to read two lines of text.
If I wanted a meeting I would have scheduled it in first place.
Why have I to lose 1 hour of my time to explain, then some cannot join and ask for a follow up meeting, where I have to explain again the same things.
Obviously during the first meeting nobody has even read the description and has idea of the topic, so "we need to check... schedule another meeting next week".
You can imagine what's gonna happen the next week...1 -
Every meeting that contains one or more of the following points:
- "I don't think it belongs in the meeting, but"
- "Didn't get the meeting notes"
- "When's the food coming?"
- "I know we've said no technical discussion, but..."
- "Why is he so strict, this is no fun meeting at all :("
- "I think it's unfair to include risk assessment, you blame US before XY is finished"
- "The admins / the Team XY / ZX didn't talk with us, so we don't talk with him / her / them..."
- "Why are we here?"
- "Why is it so bad when production is down?"
- "I didn't know we do security / audit checks... Why hasn't anyone told us?"
- "Not happening. I'm against it"
- "I don't want to work with XY - he doesn't do it like I want it"
...
I could add thousand more things here.
I had countless meetings where I really thought that I was an alien who got broadcasted in a comedy reality TV soap...9 -
People just can’t show up on time. I respect people’s time and I do not waste a minute of anyone s time. I do not like it. Time is a precious resource and we should all treat it as such. I expect the same from other people too.
There was a meeting supposed to happen a month or so back. Me and another guy. This meeting was basically giving him the resource utilization and some cost related details for the budget our team used up. They wanted a more granular report than the generic ones we submitted.
He scheduled it once and about ten minutes before he cancelled it. Fair enough.
A week later he sent an invite and the next day he cancelled it a few hours before the meeting. Fair enough I’m still not pissed.
A month or so since the first scheduled meeting, he scheduled a meeting and I turn up and he s not there and I wait for about half hour before I leave. Next day I get an email saying he s sorry. Now I’m pissed.
A couple weeks back he schedules a meeting and I turn up and I could see through the glass door and he s talking to someone in the room he s in. He signals to me to wait for five minutes. It takes about 20. Finally I go in and he s relieved so he can finally get the data from me. I tell him I waited for twenty minutes and I have to somewhere and asked him to reschedule the meeting. He asks when and I tell him a time where I know he won’t turn up. About 8 30 in the morning. He says yes.
Next day I show up he s not there and I wait for ten minutes and just he s walking in to the floor I exit the room and run to my place. He comes over and asks and I tell him I waited for sometime and I’m busy now and he mumbles and goes away.
By this time it is already a week or so after the deadline. The bigger boss from finance turns up and asks me why I haven’t given them the data I asked for. I tell him they schedule meetings and don’t turn up on time and my other work is getting affected productivity blah blah and he says okay make the report and give it to me. I tell him no I’m not wasting anymore time on this.
He goes to my boss creates a little ruckus my boss comes over and he goes wtf. I tell him what happened. He says it’s okay give them the report. I’m like I don’t know where I kept it must be somewhere I can’t waste anymore time on this. Guy from finance joins us at this point and angrily says he’ll find it himself and don’t need our help anymore.
The file is in my laptop I use for travel. Just a local copy. Zero fucking backups. And I just deleted it.
Fuck. You.1 -
I’m rarely at the initiative of a meeting, but when I am, my approach is: what questions need to to be answered? Time spent in the meeting is answering those questions without beating around the bush. I request precise answers, no "we shoulds" or vague responses. Meeting usually ends with clear answers/resolutions written down and shared so there aren’t any "that’s not what we agreed upon"1
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Story time;
Major project, multi million budget, huge business and IT coordination, board level status updates, meeting started back in March 2018 for a Go Live of Aug 2019.
Based on draft requirements (and experience) I request the test environment be built for half of the work. Turns out that no one told Server Eng and they are out of space in both dev and prod until Q2 of 2019. We went from Green to Red because a Service Request.5 -
Currently sat waiting to go into a 11am meeting where I will be told something is wrong even though I've completed a workload of 2 weeks in 3 days. If any PMs are on here, no appreciation sucks.5
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Did a presentation to the brass with data so summarized that no informed decision could conceivably come out of it.
They want it even more summarized.
Here is your messy-suit-that-cost-50-grand, version, your overpaid tool:
1) Client be dumb
2) Supplier be slow
3) Money be good
4) We be smart
5) We make money (if you stop meddling and eating my whole morning with a PowerPoint to a meeting you got an hour late to, your fiduciary sack of douchness) -
When the monthly scrum retrospective reaches the 90 minute mark...
You know when people are being stress tested and they break by getting up, run around screaming and ultimately knock themselves unconscious by running into a wall?
That. I felt like doing that.
I swear someone activates some sort of gravity well when these meetings begin because time beings to stretch on and o........n....... while they meetings happen.
I began to list things I think I'd rather be doing than be in that meeting.
1) Tax returns.
2) Prostate exam (not old enough to need one yet but at least I'd be out the meeting).
3) Visiting the dentist.
4) Assembling IKEA furniture.
5) Watching soccer at least they have the decency to give you a break in the middle and I find sports as engaging as a dog turd on the sidewalk.
So bored was I that I began to notice notches and holes in the ceiling tiles and when I remarked upon them others became engrossed in them and began to speculate upon their origins.
I don't know who a speaker is, what department they are from, what product they're working on or what's so important about the algorithm they're working on. There is no context, no explanation and half way through a show and tell I had to check we were still in a show and tell.
I was bored shitless. I actually felt physical pain from boredom, I've not felt that way since I was a child.
I really, really hate that scrum is implemented in this way.
It left me with only half an hour of coding time left and really it sapped my energy and motivation to the point where I just went home early.
Excuse my language, but:
Fucking bloody cunting waste of time, I've had more productive moments in the restroom. They need to piss off or committed seppuku, ideally both. Dante got it wrong the seventh level of hell is this. I'm usually a very calm and balanced individual but yesterday, yesterday I just... Fuck! Argh! Fuck you meeting, fuck you.
If you are the type that schedules meetings like this:
May a thousand Jabberwockies plague your nightmares and be it that the next seventy seven times you lay with a human shall ye experience bitter failure! I hope Cthulhu himself visits his "enlightenment" upon you and you fear sleep henceforth.
I'm bringing a rubix cube or juggling balls into the next meeting so that I can say at least I learned something and it wasn't time wasted.3 -
When the meeting organizer gets to the end and says "I'll give you back 20 minutes of your day". 🤬
No sir, plonking a meeting in my calendar doesn't mean you now own an hour of my day. No no no. You are not being a saint giving me back time. The truth is you just took 40 minutes of my time! 40 minutes I can't get back. It's gone. Forever.
Please be respectful of that next time you're planning a pointless meeting5 -
Requirement: "Build teleport using a teapot and some tape"
Yesterday I spent most of my working day staring at the screen thinking about it, without being able to write a proposed implementation document. I felt the most useless person in the universe.
Me, today at daily stand-up meeting: «Honestly I have no idea on how to proceed, please assign me a different task.»
Manager: «Well, just think about it a bit more»
Great.1 -
I'm covering for a colleague who has 2 weeks of vacation. Everything is made with Drupal 7, and it's a backend + frontend chimera with no head and 50 anuses.
So, last monday i get told i have to show a value based on the formula:
value * (rate1 - rate2) / 2
On thursday, every calculation in that page is suddenly wrong and I get balmed for it. Turns out, now it has to be:
value * (rate1 - rate2) / rate1 / 2
Today, I get told again the calculations are wrong. "It has to be wrong, the amount changes when rate1 changes!". There'll be a meeting later today to discuss such behaviour.
All these communications happened via e-mail, so I'm quite sure it's not my fault... But, SERIOUSLY! Do they think programmers' time is worthless? Now I'll have to waste at least 1 hour in a useless meeting because they cba to THINK before giving out specs?!
Goddammit. Nice monday.2 -
Yay my first day back and I'm 1 hour and 15 minutes late because the main road I take into work was a parking lot. And then I have to go directly into the world's longest meeting. And I have a peer review to do so I guess no dev soon for me today.
-
Context: large project moves to touch friendly UI, request and initial specs late last year, specs initial mockups early this year, designer promises final design before end of Q1.
Two sprints into development no fucking design, meeting today about it, designer has no fucking clue about what we actually agreed to last time. Promises again to have it for next time.
What the actual fuck? How difficult it is to least read up the fucking notes and do your fucking job that you are being paid for? Had a half fucking year!
After meeting...
Me: why do we even keep him around?
Pm: he is really overbooked...
Me: my balls are overbooked, don't promise if you can't deliver! (Leaves meeting room)
Fairly confident that this is the last project with this guy...
Am I the only one who just hates working with designers?2 -
Sitting in a meeting. PM asks if we can go with the schedule management has agreed with the customer.
So, now what do you expect us to say? We can say no, but if it's already settled up the hierarchy levels, it will not have any effect.5 -
So they have a meeting to declare -
No hike/promotions.
layoffs.
Then managers start talking about how good leader the ceo is & how nicely he managed covid situation.
Confused as to what happened here...4 -
"We don't have enough time"
Well, time is relative I might be travelling close to speed of light right now while having this meeting. No? You don't know that my camera is off.2 -
Having a 5 hour scheduled meeting now .... The room has a partial glass roof and no air conditioner...
It's 28 degrees out there and 27 in here currently..
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!2 -
Who else hates weekly 1:1 meetings with managers? I’m the kind of person where if I have a problem or need to talk about something, I’ll do as much as I can first and then I’ll set up a meeting. No need to force it with a recurring meeting where we just reiterate the stuff we already discussed as needed during the week or, lacking that, engaging in small talk to fill the time. At this company, where I’m at in the hierarchy, and with me being a straight, white, old male in a team full of diversity hires, there is zero point at all to discussing potential promotion opportunities. We both know that’s not happening for anyone like me. If you want to have that discussion to keep up appearances, just put a gun in my hand and a round in the chamber and tell me to point it at my head and pull the trigger. Because we both know that’s what this world wants me to do and that is the only way I’ll be moving “up” anywhere in this universe at my age and with my “privilege”.
-
Is there a devDate? Maybe there is a bigger Chance of meeting someone who's gone equally insane then...
And no, I don't want to be fucked by Microsoft or Apple.6 -
Please don't speak if you don't have anything of value to add. Professional world is not classroom where you get marks for class participation. There's this guy in my team who is supposed to be developer but acts like analyst/PM, talks shit, mostly repeats what other have already said. There's no single meeting where he hasn't spoken or added anything valuable. Hate him.7
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CTO sends out a mandatory meeting invite for "Company Culture." No further information provided, scheduled the day before, and everyone is expected to drop everything to go to it... I think the meeting is unnecessary, this has said enough about the "culture".3
-
So yesterday, I had a meeting with a big client of Middle Company. And as I resigned, and don't really give a fuck anymore, it was a really funny meeting.
First I played a got my best score in 2048!!!
The client asked a bunch of technical questions, so I answered him. Then came questions about planning: Would I be able to help us with their k8 stack deployment in September.
And while the CEO was saying "We talk about it in September", I said " No. In September I will start my company.".
And the client asked, "So you will be able to work for us?"
The CEO was so pissed!! So funny!!!
And today we received a letter saying that "the client" will stop working with us(IT) in 3 months.
I can't wait to talk to a buddy who works in the HQ.3 -
"Can you go through this hours-long process to reproduce an issue i saw and debug it? I don't have bandwidth."
"Sure, but I'm pretty sure the issue is actually due to your recent changes in [related feature], and I'm pretty busy myself."
"No, that's not how that works. Please figure out the real issue." (Strongly implying it was my fault)
*Goes through hours-long process to reproduce* (yes this procedure could be improved but this is a rant not a planning meeting)
*Of course, it was his change*
"Oh. Well, it's not really a priority." -
Dev1: "what was that requirement? I mean, do you remember that little yet hugely important detail ...?"
Dev2: "hmmm sort of ... Maybe it's in one of the emails, possibly 2 months ago. Let's try to find it"
Dev3: "wait, probably Dev1 was not included for some reason in that thread of emails"
Dev2: "no wait, I mean the other, the one we used to talk about those other specifications from previous meeting..."
[and the story goes on]
Now you may think "ok, this event happened once and was a misstep. Shit happens"
Actually, this is the bread and butter in this company I collaborate with. All their requirements are spread across thousands of emails, usually mixed together and possibly forked into different threads. Often people are cut out from conversation because someone forgets to "reply all", other times they're lost in time.
When I asked them "why don't you use some other tool, maybe something more organized and easily searchable, something structured..."
They replied "no no, we prefer to use email for historical reasons"
My brain just melted like chocolate under the sun2 -
I really want my dev team to ask me to go to happy hour so I can suggest meeting at Foo Bar. Though, that may be why no one's asked..3
-
We have a lot of small projects with different domains that we maintain and develop. Most go into maintainence mode now and get no new features. Now our new department lead declared us the SWAT team bc there are no new good projects. This baiscally means we get pushed to other team's projects that have issues with deadlines and support there. So basically we get to projects with fire on the roof and as reward for extinguishing, we get another burning project.
Either that or in the first department meeting where our new boss introduced himself and managed to say in the same paragraph that due to corona we "shouldn't expect any salary increases bc these are hard times" and "his department has so much money and doesn't know where to spend it" -
The contact forms sent emails from no-reply@ and in the last meeting the client told us a colleague of them asked once who "No repli" was and why he's not answering her emails. Well...
(German client, so she may not knew what "no reply" means)2 -
Rant
The rumour goes that, with meetings with the highest staff, attendees lay their tokens (to enter the building) on the table in case they get fired and have to leave that very moment.
I once had to attend such a meeting as a simple application engineer. They had heard I could "do stuff with SharePoint".
The part about the tokens was a myth but that people get fired right away was not! One did get fired! I shit bricks back then. Especially when I got asked something very ridiculous and impossible... how would I say no?
Luckily I came up with an alternative.
But Damn. .. glad I left that place -
I'm in our biweekly architecture meeting. I feel like Denny Crane in Boston Legal: everything is fuzzy and I have no idea what's going on.1
-
So I just found out in a meeting today that my team will be getting rid of 2 contractors, who have been with the company for about 2 years now and know their way around the projects, and replacing them with 3 university graduates with no to little programming experience. Now I don't mind new graduates coming in, but getting rid of experienced workers before the newbies have learnt the ropes is not the best of plans.
-
Right now. I'm expected to train a guy in maintaining 3 different apps before the end of August. The manager wanted a complete plan for the whole process, with time estimates on everything. Then we put together a whole plan with a spreadsheet for the schedule and she wonders if we are "going overboard". If you expect this guy to be able to fix any issue by the end of this, theres no such thing as overboard. Get your head out of your ass. Meanwhile she is supposed to be finding a new project for me but I fully expect her to come back and say they need me to stay "just a bit longer". I cant wait for that meeting...
-
Me this morning(On Way to Work): Not going to let anything upset me today, i'm going to work, succeed and then have lunch with fam :)
Me In office(Still morning): This song is awesome(song i don't really like)
PM: Meeting Now!
PM In Meeting: What do you have to do?
Me: Some CSS shit. Gotta make things look pretty after they work so beautifully.
PM: OK but be more specific
Me: Layering issues with the popups, the alert input needs some tweaking.
PM: What are you busy with now.
Me: Layering issues.
PM: *As she writes on board* So that's alert, popups, layering issues, input and CSS.
Me: No it's just two tasks.
PM: You've got a lot of work, get started.
Team Leader: It's only two tasks, it's not five.
PM: Oh i thought they were all different.
Me: :|
Me: *Breathe in... Breathe Out*
Me (around 12ish): Fuck! This Dense. Bitch!!
PM 1ish: Meeting Now!
Me: Fuck!
PM: How far are you?
Me: Well i'm about done, just gotta test the changes, if it fails debug it a little and done.
PM: *Explains some shit about what i have to do*
Me: *Knowing what she's already going to say* *Slirps coffee really loud*
PM: You listening?
Me: oh yeah sure.
PM: *Gets pissed says it's because she didn't have coffee yet*
Me: *Slirps coffee while making eye contact*
Me inside: Mwahahahahahahahahaaa!!!1 -
Class normal people:
Def good day:
"Manager was out, had great lunch, got a. special someone's number, successfully avoided traffic, got in special someone's pants"
Def bad day:
"Stubbed toe this morning, rained all day, broke up w. special someone, sat in traffic for 2 hrs"
Class software dev:
Def good day:
"Wrote lots of working code, little to no bugs, checked in no-probs, ahead od schedule for ship, extra time for ping-pong!"
Def bad day:
"Somone fucked up the latest build, coffee machine's broken, ran out of adderall, manager on everyone's @$$ for a fix, 5 hrs later...no fix, no blames, no coffee, board meeting; fml" -
Am I the only one who feels like morning scrum meetings are a complete waste of time? At least in the way that my team does them. It's 30 minutes of "I did this thing yesterday, and I will continue to do that same thing today." All of this information can be sent in an email, but we insist on meeting every morning to say the same exact things.
For the past 3 weeks, the majority of the team has said the same exact things during scrum: "I continued to work on this big feature yesterday. Thank you." Like how does a detailed retelling of what this person did yesterday pertain to the rest of the team? It's just meeting for the sake of meeting, and talking for the sake of talking.
If you have this little technical issue that only pertains to work that this single person is doing, then meet with that person separately and discuss it. There's no reason to make everybody else sit and listen to information that will never be useful to them.
And most of the time, this scrum stems into spontaneous unplanned longer meetings afterwards. So suddenly this "quick" 30 minute scrum turns in 2-hours of meetings and a morning wasted on information that could've easily been discussed over email instead5 -
I no longer shit and piss. Now all i do is burp and fart. This fever is mad annoying. Where does all the air from inside me come from
Shit piss burp fart... Without context you'd thing this story is related to some pig 🐖
If i was working in the office... Oh God how i would explode from holding in all the burps and farts. Thank Fuck i can work remote now
Also today i was literally working from my bed. Tucked in with warm blankets. Had meeting in my underwear in bed9 -
A remote team decided to annoy me by trying to hold me accountable to their project plan timelines while not delivering a viable API. So, I code reviewed them.
NOT ONE FUCKING TEST! They are "meeting the date" and will "fix it later".
They beat me to production though.
No wonder they argued that a complicated, fragile, expensive, multi-product flow test was absolutely required.
I returned the escalation favor. -
No we don't actually need to have a meeting about this because your architectural opinions rely on medium articles written by unemployed people pretending that these competing technologies are relevant. All you have to do is take an existing piece of code and rewrite it how you'd like to, and show everyone that it's better5
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Blindsided by a project meeting 5 mins to end of day when I was super busy and I've spent all day dealing with shitty hacked together legacy code, requirements changing everyday and still no business solutions to some areas of the project. We already have one booked in for tomorrow at 10. What the fuck. Needless to say I pretty much shouted about everything to everyone. Fucking joke. Now I'm just mad at me for letting my blood boil externally
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At a FIFTH interview call and waiting.
Scheduled at 4pm, just got to know the HR himself is in a fucking meeting. So procedure would resume at 5pm. Like seriously?
Why do these big corps not give a fuck about applicants' time. Why schedule at 4pm in the first place.
Also scheduling at 4pm so I miss another work day at my current company...
No value for our time :(1 -
My first rant: I need to appease multiple managers with custom software solutions and each manager has their own view as to how it "should be."
This leads to the FUN of having each offer their conflicting suggestions and thinking I am the issue if something is not implemented - or if something isn't.
No, I didn't forget or mess up. It's impossible to appease everyone! I'm going to need to set up a meeting sometime to tell them all to work it out among themselves...2 -
My company design floor plan and some photoshop work for clients.
One project was to resize the image to certain width and height and place it in the center of the photo with padding 40px around.
I wrote an extended script of Adobe to help the design department and process thousand of images within an hour.
My Boss was so impressed and have a meeting with me. He said: "You need to lead IT department and create a system that can detect the client's requirement and complete the drawing with Adobe Illustrator automatically".
Me: Thinking (Meh, I have no knowledge of Image Processing with my poor Mathematics, where can I die with his requirements?) -
!!rant
Working on a new project for my employer. Just like every project I've done for them, they ask for something incredibly specific, then look at me like I'm crazy when I build it. They ask for something completely different at every meeting, then ask if I can do it in two weeks.
Man, I have no idea what to do about these people.2 -
Manager: Oh, this feature freeze you where talking about was no joke?
Me: Yes, that's why we have written it into the protocol of the Last Meeting and everyone agreed...
Manager: Thats nonsense, add more Features! -
The amount of dry runs we need to do for a "laid back" presentation is fucking insane. Every other day we waste 30 minutes to an hour going over the same information and to top it off it's during lunch time.
Lunch meetings should be discouraged in the office, and I should be able to leave a meeting if I'm getting no value from it.
Just really sick of wasting time on shit that does not matter. -
!wk94
Those meetings.
Those bloody meetings are nothing but time suckers. Much akin to some family event where they bring everyone together, regardless of their relevance to the agenda.
Also, the fact that we have been scheduling some important meeting always since 2 fucking months, only to be declined ALWAYS. The bloody meeting has been floating as an action item for 2 months, but none gives a fuck.
But no, we want to have meetings about meetings, and meetings about why a meeting didn't happen.
Also they ask us to stretch and accommodate, sucking time out of dev.
W H Y ?1 -
One more time I hear that having a meeting to specify an API between our two systems is "not a real work" and "waste of time" and I will probably eventually punch the guy in the face. No, working as a developer is not only about tapping on a keyboard.
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I’m so glad I work at a company without a dev ops... it’s so much smoother and money isn’t wasted on a non engineer, or someone who can’t jump in and assist where needed.
We have a weekly team meeting including the mech, elec and software guys... then we have a weekly open issue meeting per project only those on the project go to. We all know what we need to do individually and we just get it done... no need for the middle man dev ops to divide up tasks and shit.. we hear the issues straight from the product owners and get to work... we don’t have defined structured scrums and burn downs...it’s very agile tho.. much like how engineers 40 years ago achieved things. It’s quite awesome.6 -
Weeks later and I’m still watching a former client/friend completely thrash his own website trying to do what I had been doing for him. When I built the thing, I did so in anticipation of him wanting to take it over so I made it as easy as possible. All we needed to do was have a one hour or less meeting to go over some particulars and he would’ve been golden. But, no, he deleted my access and tried to go it on his own. If he EVER comes back begging to have me fix his problems, I swear I’m going to have the biggest belly laugh of my existence right in his face. No. Freaking. Way.
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Why is it necessary that software be in a schedule meeting when software has 2 items on the schedule? This meeting is effectively useless for software. It is an unnecessary expenditure of money on a contract that is overrunning. It is right before we go on holiday break and they are training a new planner. And the lead is leaving in January so why is he still asking me questions about what I'm doing. Especially when I have told him what I am doing 4 times already. Fucking hell. Why is it that no one seems to trust me to do my job and be on top of things? And why is it that the people with shit memories are the ones that want to be involved in everything? And most importantly, why does everyone pretty universally hate meetings and regard them as useless yet insist we hold them?2
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Outlook is quite bad. There's no way to enable week numbers in the week view. And once you accidentally decline an occurrence of an recurrent event, there's no way to get it back, without having to trouble the meeting organizer to resend the request, or create the event manually yourself. In addition, Outlook is ugly and I strongly dislike how the calendar and inbox are combined in the same application. To me, e-mail and calendar are two completely different things, and there should be a way to open the calendar separately, without the distraction of any incoming e-mail.5
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Guys, Im here again to tell you this, you will laugh.
*Stand up meeting*
FE: well we should think a way to test all (he says that because he doesnt test so my tests+ END-TO-END and he can get away with that)
...because IM TOO LAZY TO TEST MY STUFF.
VP ENGINEER: "is it because it's too good that has no bugs? HAHAHAHA (bro laugh type)
ME: O_0 (thinking u better fucking test SOAB) Well, we should have tests in front end, and end to end. THE PYRAMID GUYS?1 -
got kicked out of a contract today because the owner felt I wasn't moving at the pace he wanted, there were no milestones but even i knew I was slow.
this happened when I started talking to a therapist because I was beginning to have suicidal thoughts and anxiety issues.
I had to run work errands for my everly screaming mom and manipulative dad.
these same people who I begged with no success for money to buy a used core 2 duo laptop for programming projects.
I was in the bus in the afternoon sun trying to get three books from a publisher that ended up being a waste of time because she didn't follow instructions and insisted on screaming over the phone at the attendant. the client requested a meeting and I couldn't respond positively,
I get home and my dad wants me to travel down to our village home to meet with some kid he kept giving money because they wanted to have a meeting. I'm so annoyed because I told him I wanted this week off to face this already dead contract and he just ignores all of that and fixes a meeting.
I pay for electricity and gas for these people and they still treat me like shit. fuck this !1 -
Tfw you tell the guy in charge you can't make it for the meeting that evening, and he says there is no meeting, but you're too tired to tell if he's joking or not. Fml
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Meeting just after given a vacation to the whole company. We had 1 week of no work. Everyone of us including the boss went on a vacation together. He sets up a meeting the very next day at 8:00 fucking AM . Sent at 10 PM. Like nigga . Let me reset and prepare my mind ffs. That was a ridiculous meeting recently just for the sheer fuck of it.1
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How I feel about people in a meeting
Listening to someone others participating in some meeting (on speaker) (I'm not a part of):
checking configurations, talking about config hierarchies, addressing network stack limitations, etc -- all smart-sounding things. They must be very wise and experienced. It's got to be something very serious they're working on
Participating in a meeting myself:
wtf is he talking about, does he even know what JVM is? No no, this configuration does not make ANY sense. No, Mr manager, this is not how it works. Come on guys, you all running like a headless chicken - USE COMMON SENSE!!
I wonder if anyone else noticed that... I've been noticing this since the very beginning of my IT career.1 -
I’m meeting an acquaintance who wants to discuss a web app idea they‘d like to have developed. I’ve always worked full-time and have no experience running a side gig, scoping a project or what questions to ask. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach this meeting and any resources that will help with scoping/pricing.3
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1) Have a plan for what's going to be talked about (and what will not be mentioned)
2) Could this meeting be an email or done async? Then don't schedule a meeting
3) Send out the calendar invite at least 72 hours before. Include details in the title and description, such as join link and if video will be on or not
4) Join 5 mins early to ensure everything is working
5) Start the meeting right on time, no matter who isn't there
6) If someone joins late, don't recap what's been mentioned
7) End on time, the time that was set when the calendar invite was sent, ending early is also fine
8) At the end say thanks, and know who will send out the notes which include tasks mentioned and the deadline. As well as who to contact if have any questions
9) If a select portion of the meeting attendes is going to have another meeting regarding this, then meet elsewhere
10) Actually send those notes before the end of day -
I have a biorhythm thing. Every day at around 5pm I get so drowsy I fall asleep in my chair while working. If I happen to be driving at that time then my drowsiness becomes a potentially lethal condition.
It lasts for ~30minutes to an hour. Every day, no matter what. Coffee won't help at all - if anything, it makes it a lot worse.
It's been like that for well over 10 years. Anyone else has smth similar? How do you fight it? Powernaps help, but if I'm in a meeting I can't have them.12 -
Again my anxiety hiting me bad.
I had an internal meeting today with this team where my new project depends on. The goal was to understand about the impacts we can have on thier services.
Instead everything was different, everyone just went on talking and I couldn't understand. There were seniors in the call but this is the part of the project I am responsible for.
I was the junior but still have 3 years of experience and expected to do these things, at least I expect it from myself.
I don't understand everyone around me is so normal, no one's like me. They work, people trust them, people ask them for help. I am on the other hand just a below average person trying to do things I don't understand.
I prepared for this meeting, but the things that were being discussed, I couldn't understand although they were simple.
How do people not feel anxious? Should I not think about this meeting at all? If I think about what went wrong then it ia only me, I couldn't understand things well. How to deal with that?
I literally want to cry but I am a big girl now, it's hard for me to cry. :( I am too sad and habe no confidence. My senior muat be thinking she does know anything, she's incompetent. :(4 -
Silence so I can hear myself think and then just write the first line. It's hard to start, but once I get going it is even harder to stop.
Sometimes I'm afraid of starting because the codingzone switches my brain into an Asperger patient. I just can't socialize afterwards. So if there is a evening meeting morning coding is a no-no. -
The worst kind of people to work with are the ones that you tell a heads up, don't do this, it will cause problems, but happens anyway and in team meeting "I didn't know, no one told me" and it just makes you look worse to even argue it....
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Is it just me or anyone else feels anxious due to work, even when there is no reason to be.
I have 2 3 meetings each day, whenever I know that I have to speak in the meeting about something I get anxious. This anxiety can hit anytime, maybe 1 hour or 10 hours before the meeting.
I feel like whatever I am going to say is dumb, people will judge me. No matter whatever people suggest on this, that no on's actually thinking about you or asking questions is good, this anxiety doesn't go.
Please help if you had same kind of problem. Share your scenarios of you were in anything like this.1 -
Three meetings a week imposed by "manager" to keep the project on pace...
10m before the last three meetings (everyone from the meeting via email): "Skip it? No updates here"
...I think we need a "project manager" -
Praised be the developer/customer! 6 hours listening to him how HIS WAY is the ONLY way to write clean and reusable code! And teaching us how to write HIS way!
No matter how it ignores normal conventions, his way will ALWAYS be the better one! And to everybody who codes otherwise... we call them WRONG!!!!!
Anything you would like to change? NO! We will write it the way "WE thought it before" (I think he meant "HE thought" and impose into us... but... well, I guess I'll have to endure...)
It is the first meeting for this project, and I already want to jump off of a bridge :)2 -
I have been having one of those days, well weeks where new concepts that would have otherwise taken a few hours, to learn and implement are taking days !! I don't know how y'all consistently learn new things and implement them, while still meeting deadlines.
My team usually holds weekly progress meetings where we discuss completed tasks and the following week's tasks. During the last meeting, I hadn't completed anything worth noting and I had no major reason other than, not having fully understood the concept.
Which is embarrassing because everyone else had done something.
I know, I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others but we all know my boss does. I don't blame him though, I mean I always pick the cake with more icing, and that's just food!
I don't even know what to do about it anymore!!! Is this a phase? Is it normal? What do people do about it? wait it out?3 -
Considering what must be told and making the meeting as short as possible
Unless you just wanna talk with someone and maybe drink something, in that case, just meet with no expectation -
Recruiter contacts on linkedIn, and I have to drag some written information out of him, while he asks again and again and again for a phone interview.
I oblige and we schedule a time where I have an open slot in my ridiculously filled meeting calendar.
Then this fucking prick doesn't call, nor respond to messages. At least give a fucking heads up if you're unable to attend. I fucking hate when people are late, and it pisses me off to no end when people do not fucking show.
God fucking damnit.
I didn't even care for the position at all, but now I'm pissed because if it!
Fuck. -
So it's a little bit annoying when your team cant follow simple rules and conventions to enhance the work, I mean, in a reunion we discuss what will be our coding conventions and have and agreement, but now nobody follows it and Ive to keep writing and pushing them to follow rules they created. The best thing is the leader agrees with him saying "we don't have time for following code conventions" but when the code has no comments, no docs at all, the names are absolutely unpredictable and stupid bugs start happening he calls a meeting "to discuss our problems" I mean, for good, the last time we did the same thing
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Friday morning's meeting:
CTO: Ok guys, deadline is next Friday so today we close the last big issues and next week no more new features, only bug fixing.
Monday morning's meeting:
Business: So here is the new mock-up for the search feature (basically they changed the whole behavior).
😐1 -
Just remembered about that one time when my former boss wanted to talk about the requests we received from a particular client and asked to have all the mail exchanges during the last 3 months or so.
I forwarded all those mails to him, to which he answered "nononono, I want them on paper for the meeting".
I shit you not, he had me print something like 30 pages of emails, signatures and all, no fucks given, just to toss them in the trash 30 minutes later.1 -
Honestly I've had good luck, every single boss I've ever had has been great up until the most recent project manager (not people manager) at my latest consultant gig.
Guy was 60+, had the mindset that NOTHING can get done without a meeting, and that your ass in a seat is the most important metric of true productivity.
Coming from a mostly remote background with 50% travel, this was a huge pain in the neck to deal with for the last 2 months.
Luckily he's gone now (no one liked him...who would have thought). -
part 5/n
me vs my job at mnc laggards
Do these laggards even know how virtual meetings work?
meeting 1: an induction meeting from 10am-1pm . one day ago, the supposed manager of me called to say that he will be in office after 10.30, so i should come after that. so ofcourse i missed the call from 10-11.30 as i was commuting. one would expect the meeting to be recorded but nope :/ .Also, the 1 hour session that i somewhat attended consisted of an old guy telling how he has been doing these inductions for last 10 years in this company and how company takes its code of conduct with utmost sincerity (wtf?? tell me the employee benefits you dinosaurs 🤬)
meeting 2 : a meeting describing the softwares, from 2.30-3.30 . no fucking person is leading the meeting and 10+ people are just sitting their with their mics off!!!
also sidenote: microsoft teams and outlook can go suck its own dick if it has one. one of the shittiest piece of shit i have ever worked with. People find them so complex that they instead have unofficial whatsapp groups for official communication.
And guess what : YOU CAN'T FUCKING CREATE THEIR ACCOUNTS IN ANYTHING BUT LAPTOP!!
And when whatsapp comes into the fucking work life, you can expect an RIP to the P of my life 😭😭
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previous rants:
https://devrant.com/rants/6543145/...2 -
Meeting with a company that'll help you exit is tomorrow? No worries, get your devs to build 9736372 features before EOD!
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First day back at work, lunch time now. So far I've been to one meeting and done no work. I can't get on to the vpn. We get OTP for the vpn via sms. Sms is taking so long to come through that it always expired by the time I get it
The kicker? I work for a cellular provider1 -
If a software company has 3 unique client projects, is it better to structure the discord server this way:
`-` is a category (parent) and `--` is a text or voice channel (child)
OPTION 1: category as project
- Project A
-- general
-- resources
-- design
-- dev team 1
-- dev team 2
- Project B
-- general
-- resources
-- design
-- dev team 1
-- dev team 2
- Project C
-- general
-- resources
-- design
-- dev team 1
-- dev team 2
OPTION 2: category as event
- Projects
-- projectA-general
-- projectB-general
-- projectC-general
- Design
-- projectA-design
-- projectB-design
-- projectC-design
- Resources
-- projectA-resources
-- projectB-resources
-- projectC-resources
- Developer discussions
-- projectA-team1-dev
-- projectA-team2-dev
-- projectB-dev
-- projectC-dev
- Meetings
-- projectA-meeting
-- projectB-meeting
-- projectC-meeting
?
What do you think is better.
PS. there is literally NO other communication service that can structure it exactly like this. Only discord is powerful and FREE to do it like this.
- Rocketchat isnt flexible enough to do this
- Slack requires me to pay first so i can do this
- Teams too
So fuck all of them I'll stick to discord unless someone can name me 1 single alternative service capable of structuring channels like this for a real time communication for FREE25 -
So I was given a project to work on a week ago. The expectation given to me was completion in one week. I am a newbie hoping to keep my job so I jumped in head first (didn’t know any better). I ran into several road blocks which I communicated to my boss. Today, he (boss) is freaking out (blaming me for being behind the deadline). We have a meeting with the lead dev (who should have been doing this all along). He says wow. This is way too hard. Let’s scale it all back and focus on an MVP: 10% of what was originally requested. Of course. I get no thanks. No recognition for hard work. I’m just happy my coworker sees the work I’m doing.
- The Scapegoat. -
typical dev offer
they look for a dev that should migrate their existing system to a new one
the old dev wrote a system that is archaic now and he wants to quit developing
and if you "want" to do more than just coding they would like you to support them in
- managing social media
- layouting / photoshop
- creating videos
they search ONE developer to do this
and are not really planing on expanding - I got only very vague respones regarding this topic
typical We search an "allrounder / one man show"...
what do you guys think? they invited me for a meeting next week. I think i will go for the impression and see afterwards how I should proceed. But kinda iffy and the fact that I will be the only dev makes me wonder about the fact that I may feel lonely fast, stressed aaaand no real option to educate myself because I will have no free time and if potentially I (the whole dev team) don't work, then no work gets done.7 -
Im not asking for much really, I just think life would be easier if our environments were named something like integration, test, preprod etc instead of just numbers.
But no apparently we need to have a meeting to discuss the approach.
FML all i want to do is rename some environments, not re-structure the whole deployment process. -__-1 -
I got invited to a meeting today that had my name on it, with no agenda or context....
And the invite was sent less than 2 hours before the meeting.
Can you decline a meeting from your boss?7 -
You realize you reached the top of your career when you are on top management meeting discussing actual freaking bikeshed! It's not an urban story! Those meeting actually happen! And actually few months later we got a real bikeshed on our parking lot!
Only downside was that there was almost no bikesheding on the bikeshed meeting :-/ -
While a colleague was setting up an online technical discussion we all joined the meeting, a few people couldn't join so he said he would record it, after we had watched him going to different menues trying to start a recording I said "come on, it can't be that hard to start, I've seen managers do it"
It was a short time with a lot of heartfelt laughter and then a lot of muted participants.
The recording started, we discussed best way forward went with that. It was an early catch of a problem so no managers needed to be involved. -
I really hate when stakeholders treat me like an idiot. No, I didn’t change the existing logic of the website. It wasn’t discussed in the scope, so why would I touch it? Stakeholder, you “double checking” like this is demeaning and will only cause me to refuse future requests from you. Plus, you were at the meeting when we discussed scope, so there should be no questioning my intelligence like this.
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I don't really have a recruiter story but this will have to cut it:
I had a meeting at a web development company for a project they were outsourcing to my company (it wasn't really their area of expertise). As we walked into the building, the person we were meeting with kept saying things like, "O, those guys probably just came back from playing foosball downstairs." or "Would anybody like a cappuccino. We have like 10 machines."
To assert my resistance to this shameless charm, I declined the coffee. First and last time I say no to coffee. -
One thing I love about AWS.Chime meetings, is that they call you when the meeting starts. You can answer from your laptop, phone, or tablet. No fumbling for my calendar.