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Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??
Me: It's not that easy believe me.
Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?
Me: :/
Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...
Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.32 -
Me: *Puts on headphones*
5 minutes later
College: Hey man you busy?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: I am, but what's the issue?
Help him, Put headphones back on.
5 minutes later
Intern: I need help
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Fine, I've got time
Help her, Put headphones back on.
Beginning to feel a little pissed.
5 minutes later
PM: Can i get your help quickly?
Me: Can i finish this quickly?
PM: It won't take long
Me: Fine.
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Help her out, put headphones back on.
An hour later
Team Leader: Are you done yet?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Almost
Team Leader: How can you not be done yet?
Me: Ask everyone around you?
He bitches for about 30 minutes.
I decide not to put my headphones on and just float in the river of how pissed i am.
4 Fucken hours goes by, nobody wants jack shit.
Me: *Puts headphones on*
5 minutes later
Team Leader: Hey man can you help me out?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Sure Fine.
FUCK!!! EVERY! FUCKEN TIME!!!30 -
Little fun story
About 3 years ago, my woman came gome from picking up our son from kindergarten.
She told me that she met a very nice woman - also a mom - whose man is also a dev (He is a FullStackDev, while I mainly do backend in PHP) .
She said that she invited them over for BBQ the next day.
In my mind, I was like "Fuck, now I need to listen to some wanker explaining me how great it is to be doing full stack with all the latest and greatest tools and bells and whistles why I am the fat kid using PHP"...
The BBQ-day arrived, we have met, we have talked, and we have been best friends and brothers-from-another-mother ever since.
Life is good sometimes.5 -
I feel like a fucking abomination at the moment.
I have been working on an app that is almost like Wireshark. More so for practice than anything else.
I decided that today I would try it out on the network here at my house, so I started the packet sniffer and wanted to see what was going on. I was checking for unencypted text (like telnet and whatnot) and came across this odd address that I hadn't seen before.
I did something that I shouldn't have done, and I fucking clicked and did the equivalent of "follow TCP stream" on wireshark. I fucking went and looked what the text being sent over this fucking network was.
It was my girlfriend, using fuck knows what messenger, but it was unencrypted. I just found out that she is cheating on me. I don't want to go into what the texts exactly say, because it fucking hurts me deep down.
Why didn't she just use whatsapp or something, fuck man. I really don't need this in life at the moment. I am genuinely trying to get my shit in order, I have been coding my ass off at night for extra money to make it, I have been working overtime where I can - fuck I have even tried sucking up to management (I would never do this under normal circumstances) - and to top this off, the motherfucking tax man is giving me hell.
Fuck sakes.
If you want to cheat, fucking do it properly. Because I am in a state of pure sadness and hatred and the moment - and I don't know what the fuck to do.25 -
Sales Guy: Hey Man, you know what? you should go back to college and advance your knowledge in Software Engineering. This way you will be an expert in programming and handling the Servers.
Me: I started programming at the age of 17 and started handling servers by the age of 18. Can I ask you something if you don't mind?
Sale Guy: Yea sure I don't mind anything
Me: Get the fuck out of here8 -
This is Why I give IT support so much respect.
Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro
Next day.....
Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number4 -
Fucking hell. Today we reviewed candidates for a web dev position. I already fucking know that here we ain't gonna get a top motherfucker, i already know that the person selected will have to be rigorously trained AND THAT IS FUCKING FINE WITH ME.
The thing is, fucking head of the departmen was hellbent on just grabbing people with the highest education possible setting aside lack of experience. I would not have minded if it weren't because we have a secretary that applied...that got her degree in our very own institution and that has worked with our CMS admin creating web stuff. She is smart and has the drive man, and i don't even like her, but i could see her being in the position, being trained and doing good.
Hod said no, because of her lack of education and experience.....BRUH she got her associate's at OUR SCHOOL wtf do we have students go through it if we ain't gonna hire them if they intend on applying to work with us like wtf might as well advertise that: the degree provided by this institution is not good enough to work with us :D that would be 3000 for those two classes thank u.
Holy fuck i was beyond upset man, if i am to train these fuckers might as well be someone that i know will give it her all and studied with us. Dude quoted favoritism and i said that i was just going by the data that i have on her holy fuck.11 -
//Long rant
[Boss man]: Hey, we need you to build us a web app.
[Me]: Okay, what do you need it to do?
[Boss man]: We need staff to be able to login from anywhere, create new appointments, check room availability, display live times for the rooms, schedule future appointments, record all the data as stats and export the stats to (email address).
[Me]: Okay, sounds useful, anything else?
[Boss man]: we also need it to send all relevant data to a calendar where certain staff will be notified by email of events.
[Me]: Okay... I'll get right on starting this.
[Boss man]: So you can have it done by the end of the day? (4 hours from this time)
[Me]: *Internal screaming* *WHAT THE FUCK* Uhm, no, I don't think that is possible to complete in a four hour period by myself.
[Boss man]: Okay, well by tomorrow then, I'm leaving for the day though, have a good one.
[Me]....
//End long rant12 -
A: "Hey let's move our server rack to this room tomorrow so we can set it up."
Me: "sure, 11:00?"
A: "11:00 it is"
Me: arrives 11:00, waits till 12:00.
A: arrives at 12:00 "sup man, sorry I'm late, let's do this"
Me: annoyance-level 6/10 "sure... let's go"
A: "hold on, this guy wants something"
Me: waits another 45 minutes.
annoyance-level 9/10
I just went to cafeteria.
Fuck you, wasting almost 2h.
I stood up early for this bs.9 -
GUESS WHAT? HE WANTS ANOTHER FUCKING FEATURE!
AND WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T HAVE TIME BECAUSE CODE-COMPLETE IS TOMORROW, HE SAID HE’LL PUNT IT TO NEXT YEAR INSTEAD OF RELEASING IT THIS WEEK SO I CAN “BUILD IT RIGHT.” MAN, FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENDLESS CHANGES!
THIS WAS GOING TO BE A TWO WEEK TICKET UNTIL HE STARTED ADDING ENDLESS FEATURES AND CHANGES AND SURPRISES. IT’S BEEN FUCKING MONTHS! I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT!
ANSDFKAWHOALIKWEGJFADIO;UGJT;
There goes my Q4 performance review.
> “Accomplishments? Oh, there’s lots of room here. Accomplished: Basically nothing. How embarrassing.”
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate20 -
Regular day at Adobe:
Intern: Sir, I have created this amazing functionality that will make user's life easy. Shall I push it for review?
Manager: Did you say it will make their life easy?
Intern: Yes Sir!
Manager: Can we fire this intern already?
Adobe, seriously man make up your goddamn mind. Why the fuck are you taking away useful features and making them hidden under hundreds of icons you have. This is so fraustrating 😡7 -
This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*1 -
Me when I look through my old projects: Man, what the fuck was I thinking.
Me when I look through my new and current projects:
Man, what the fuck am I thinking.2 -
Bought new headphones because my current ones' input fucked up again. Already ordered a new one for free but hours of traveling today without music isn't really an option for me.
New headphones don't work on devices without usb ports! 😭.
Went back to the store because I didn't know that and thought they were just failing and got it explained there. No money back because they were working fine.
Me: "well fuck me right now, then I'll just travel without music today :'(".
Guy: *grabs something from a closet thingy* "Here you go, a pair of earphones!"
Me: "Awesome! How much?"
Guy: "Enjoy your traveling man!".
😮
Thanks a thousand times to that guy!14 -
Fucking fuck fuck fucker fucking fuck
What a dumbass guy seriously. I have this colleague in my office who refuses to create a new branch because that will "ruin the single straight line". Are you seriously fucking kidding me??? The noobest guy ever doesnt know a third git command other than pulling and committing fucking nonsense. Why use git then? Just go back to creating zip files are maintain code. Fuck that guy too who hired him and now because of this fucking asshole I am not able to carry on my work.
Such so-called "developers" should be strapped to the back of a horse and the horse made to run on a gravel road for fuck's sake.. Fuck you man 🖕24 -
Excuse the profuse amount of profanity below.
Fuck this fucking fucked up motherfucker of a fucking director. Money does not make you a fucking decent person, and you come in here and tell me that you pay my fucking measly salary so I must be fucking grateful.
Starts off with a boardroom meeting this morning. Wireless connection on my laptop takes two minutes to connect, I get told that I am wasting company time and that the salary of everyone in the meeting is quite a lot ("with me being the highest"- cuntface director) so stop wasting time. Fuck you man, it's a fucking wireless connection. I am building your motherfucking company applications and doing web design and for what, so I can earn fuckall and be told that I am fucking wasting time. I am presenting your fucking site you wanted, so give me a fucking minute extra to start up the fucking wireless connection.
The fucking mails are taking long to send, great, let's come down and fucking scream at the dev who regrettably said he would try and assist IT (by calling the provider). I literally just got told that I am the following. 1) Fucking stupid 2) He is going to close the dept down because I apparently fuck up (yet again cuntface, your fucking mailserver is NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM) 3) He is going to contact an external company to come and check my work. 4) I am fucking useless. 5) I telling him lies (yeah fuckface, I worked as a sys admin, I know what a motherfucking DNS server is and what it does. you don't - so don't fucking tell me that I am lying when I tell you there is a DNS fucking issue, because you don't know what the fuck you are talking about - to top that off motherfucker, I FUCKING BUILT YOUR FUCKING SERVER AND YOUR FUCKING NETWORK. I FUCKING KNOW HOW IT WORKS AND WHAT THE FUCK I AM TALKING ABOUT).
On top of that, I got pushed out of the way of my own PC, my code got some fucked up gibberish in it (because he was trying to minimise my editor and he typed some in it, and now I have to fucking roll-back. He told me I am wasting company time and he will take my shit away from me if I download something again. It is an open network. I downloaded JAVA and fucking updated Sublime. Jesus man. What the fucking fuck.
"why is your gmail open?!?!" because I was testing your emails from an external network. "DON'T FEED ME BULLSHIT" (even though the top mail states "test"). It's the whole fucking "my money determines my dick size" mentality.
That being said, I got told that I need to work overtime, without pay, to resolve IT's issue, even if I have to on the weekend.
That being said,my new Dell that I had just bought (my own) got thrown on the floor and he fucked out of my office. Stupid motherfucker. I fucking earn nothing but cannot leave. I will find another job, and when I do - you can go and fuck yourself and your fucking degrading opinions. I am not fucking stupid, so fuck you.Fuck your company and fuck you. Cunt.33 -
Coworker: hey man, do you know what is the limit for z-index on CSS?
Me: not sure but I think it is the signed int limit.
Coworker: the waaat?
Me inside: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!7 -
So my friend started a YouTube channel, being the motivational man I am I encouraged him and made him a logo for his channel.
It started here, he called me a bazillion times every single day asking me to make stuff like Channel banners, intros.
He even went so far to call my design bad and that I could do better.
I'm definitely losing my hold on my generosity, it's like this with every single fucktard I help. It's like programmers don't get to have a life, people pitch me stupid ideas at every party.. Having a casual conversation a guy starts talking about an idea.
Oooh... And the worst part they say you can have 60% and just give them 40% 'MINORITY' share for coming up with an idea I could pull up from my arse instantaneously
Next time he asks me something I'm gonna fuck him up or just charge him a bazillion dollars... FUCK FUCK FUCK... REALLY GOT TO BUY THAT STUPID STRESS CUBE15 -
How do I know my office is pretty chill?
My lead dev just sent me a text with:
"U suck penis"
I said "wow, uncalled for"
And then he said:
"U r uncalled for"
Well alrighty then18 -
My lead developer left on vacation for a week. Without notice to my boss and/or myself.
Well to be fair we did have the minimum which is a 2 day notice....
So what did we do? Well the boss and I acted like absolute adults and did what any other adult would do.
Me sticky noted the fuck out of his desk and screens.
4 screens full of sticky notes.
Phone is full of sticky notes too. And geez man....everything is sticky notes....so...many....sitcky...notes9 -
The man who runs my IT department. The man who is in charge of all things and people that are technical: IT management software development, infrastructure, training, help desk, system administration, etc. A man with a staff of fifty plus. If you were to peel back the flesh on this man's head and crack open his skull you would find dung beetles feasting on the feces that power his thoughts and motor functions. Underneath this foul membrane, if you could push past the maggots; the meal worms; his undying love for hourly binges of Johnny Walker Black on any day of the week with a name that contains a vowel; his fascination with shiny objects and his endless internal monologue wondering when they would hatch rainbow ponies that fly; his desire whenever he enters a paint store to open all the cans of paint and taste the different colors; if you could push past all of the vile crap that exists where Thomas Aquinas once theorized there was a soul, you would find a colony of paramecia at the end of their short lives laughing hysterically at how much smarter they were than the host they lived in.
This man was in charge of hiring the Manager of Software Development. The manager I report to. After seven months of ignoring this chore; after interviewing the sum total of four candidates; after making a point to tell myself and a colleague that there was no one qualified to fill this position within our company (an opinion that is both untrue and, when spoken, runs afoul of internal hiring policies) this man hired a soulless cretin with no experience in software development or with running a software development group. A man who regularly confuses web servers and SQL servers. A man who asked me how my previous manager reviewed my work, was told by me that said previous manager read my code, and then replied in his capacity as the manager of software development that "looking at code is a compete waste of time for a manager." A man so without any humanity or reason for being that he will sit silently, creepily, in conference rooms with the lights off waiting for meetings to begin. Meetings he has scheduled. That have no reason for being in the first place. Just like himself.
Shortly before the man in charge offered the Dev Manager job to the simulacrum of human flesh that is my manager, he met with me and others who had been involved in the interview process. When I informed him that hiring someone with no technical knowledge for a very technical position would be a mistake that he would suffer through for years, he replied in reference to his future hire that "his managerial experience makes up for his lack of technical knowledge."
Best. Prank. Ever. Worst prank ever too. Fuck.6 -
I'm not really one for news, but apparently (a while ago) there was some 12 year old who taught himself to code and made his own apps and whatnot. Girlfriend informed me of this.
Just got told that I'm a useless piece of shit because Im 23 and don't develop apps and I'm not rich like this kid. Fuck man. I develop mostly server side software, and I personally fucking wrote half the shit the company uses. No one really knows, so naturally in the silent developer. Don't much care about that. But fuck, being told I'm useless because a 12 year old has more money than me really made me take one straight to the balls. Now I'm sitting here, moping, downloading android studio, and just going to prove a person wrong. I can fucking code an app, it's not that hard.
Should have just said fuck off, but I don't have the strength and effort to face flying cups anymore.
Android sdk, here I come.12 -
Beware: this is me expressing how I feel about my programming/my skillset, and so on. It might be imposter syndrome but I am having a fucking bad episode right now and I just need to get this the fuck out.
I work at a distribution center right now. Can I provide for myself? Yes. Do I even slightly like my work? No I fucking hate it to the point. I hate going there every day, doing shit I don't like, not being able to focus on the shit I love but that's it for me for now.
In my free time I still am able to program a little but then the (I will call it imposter syndrome for now as I have no clue how to call it) imposter syndrome comes looking around the FUCKING corner.
*What the fuck are you doing? For real man, someone else could do that like way fucking better*
*Wow man your code..... there are so many people who would write that a million times better*
*You have re-written this for 10 times now. But seriously, this still sucks fucking balls*.
Fucking hell. Yes, at programming level I am still a junior, I fucking know that. But it fucking sucks feeling like anyone but you would do the shit you're making better anyways.
How fucking down can you get yourself. How bad can you make yourself feel through just a few fucking words/thoughts.
The only thing I am happy about right now is the fact that a very good friend is able to keep me at least slightly sane right now.53 -
It's funny. I've been doing this work for about 6 weeks now my 'I don't give a fuck' level on some issues/subjects is rising.
By the way, this is only with things that aren't wrong on our side.
Man, the stress relieve!3 -
Full stack web dev has no idea what an ssh key is. He is telling me that he can't read the key file, it would be kind of me if I could send him a .txt file instead.
Fuck me man...5 -
>>signs up for GitHub student pack
>>Approved almost instantly
>>Looks at what's included
>>See a .me domain from namecheap is free
>>"yo that's lit. Lemme see if they have one I want"
>>Finds domain
>>"Good shit man. I'll finally have a reason to make my own website"
>>Go to checkout
>>Asks for school email address
>>Enters address
>>"it seems your University is not included in this."
>>Fuck me man10 -
Having to argue with team members inside my head.
I have a one-man startup, so I have all these imaginary team members who specialise in different things so that I can concentrate on whatever I am doing for that day.
But it seems my developer side of me hates the manager and UX designer these days for making changes half way through the project.
Oh yeah, and my accountant side thinks I'm spending too much. Fuck you, I needed that money.4 -
Sometimes.....
When I want to escape how dull/repetitive/boring the world of web development is. I crack open a nice lil terminal, dust off my gcc/g++ compilers and fuck around in C or C++ till my eyes start to bleed.
I have been fucking around with systems development. Mainly with Linux programming. I have also started to get deeper on game engine design and compiler design....because low level development is where its at.
A man can only fuck around rest apis, css and html and the endless sea of Javascript and other dynamic languages for so long before going crazy.
Eventually.....I would want to code something impressive enough to give me a spot somewhere as a C or C++ developer. I just can't work with web development any longer man. It really is not what I want to do, the fact that I do it(and that I am good at it) is circumstantial more than because I really enjoy it. I really don't12 -
"...the way he has written the code, it feels nasty man. I would have done it this way..."
Fuck you and your feelings. If you think my code is bad, give justification for it. Explain the fucking reason. Stop saying it "feels" like a bad code.
Fucking tired of this mentality in most of the developers. Why is it that the moment you look at someone else's code, you feel like you would have written it better. Programming is problem solving. And you can solve a problem in couple of different way.
If the code is absolute shit, has followed no best practices then yeah, go ahead and call it a bad code. But just because you would have moved some lines here and there, that doesn't mean the other persons code is horrible.
Goddamit!13 -
I believe that sometimes my IDE should tell me : FuckingRetardException : Man, wtf are you doing. Go fuck yourself
😂😂😂1 -
Thank fuck I was so early at work today.
As I did walk past the server room I heard something really loud behind the door. I was still in zombie mode (It was way too early, usually I´m here 2 hours later...), so just stood there looking at the door for a while.
Needed about 3 to 4 slow thoughts to decide what the fuck is happening.
My last thought was just: Man why is it so loud here. That´s the server room. Oh fuck!
The second I opened the door this rancid burning hot air straight out of satans anus almost melted my face off.
The servers were trying to maintain their cooling by almost puking out their guts with the those poor little fans they have.
Turns out one of the air conditioners failed and the backup didn´t start. So I started it manually.
Where the fuck is the admin? That´s not my fucking job!
What the fuck am I doing here so early?9 -
Rant++
Just want to mention this mother fucker named Allen. Allen is a fuckin' badass. This guy fucks.
This bad mother fucker like single handedly wrote one of the best fuckin libraries for displaying tabular data, and threw in a shit ton of JSON capabilities just to make it that much fuckin' cooler.
And why? Because he fuckin fucks thats fucking why. I already told you.
And does this son of a fuck support his fucking product? You bet your sweet basement dwelling programming fucking ass that he does.
Dude works that support forum like he no doubt works that pussy. With full and complete knowledge and control, but with a gentle mature touch. Fuckin right.
Do you hate PHP? Well this fuck made a Node version? Do you hate Node? Use that shit with pure JS client side. This dude doesn't give a fuck. Don't have a table? Pass that shit JSON and GET A FUCKIN TABLE!!!
Some dipshit in your company needs to edit a database table but there's no way on sweet baby jesus's green earth you're giving that dumb fuck DB creds? Run that dumb fuck up a fully editable admin portal in like 5 fucking minutes because fuck him.
There are few things in my life I love. My corgi and my kids, and most days my wife.
But always fucking DATATABLES.
So, Allen Jardine... just wanted to give you and your product DataTables and Editor a fucking devRant shout out. It continues to be the one ray of light that works as expected and is extremely well supported when it doesn't and some days I just need that fucking consistency in my life man. So thanks.7 -
Me: don't limit yourself! Learn more than one thing, experiment and learn more.
Devrant: don't use x. X is a piece of shit and its not worth it. This is better, and you are wrong.
I hate highly opinionated people. Devrant seems to be full of them.
I seriously believe this is why people like AlexDelarge left. Sooo many punchable motherfuckers up in this bitch man.
"Fucking leave then" ----> go fuck yourself. This platform is great. Some of y'all are great. Having frustrated virgins lurking around does not mean that all of us that like fucking around in here needs to leave.19 -
Who the fuck designed the UI of linkedIn? When I click on My Connection, I expect to see my fucking connections. Not People I may know, Not my recent invitations, no fucking bullshit. Just my connection.
They have a small fucking text (Not even a fucking button) that says "See All" in a small corner which I can click to see all my connections. Why the fuck do you a nav button on top called "My connection" then? FUCKING HELL MAN!5 -
I'm 4 days old to this company. I spent 40 minutes debugging why the internet is not working. I asked the IT Guys for the support and they said everything is good.
So why the fuck is the internet not working? I rant at them. The IT Guy told me to calm down and then he will help me. So I calm down and again went to ask for help. He said that he will check it out after breakfast.
It's been more then an hour and he hasn't returned yet. I'm going to complain to the Boss when he comes in. This is not cool man.11 -
Fuck you Xiaomi for creating MIUI, damn it's so bloated with non-removable adware to the level of extreme annoying. It Keeps popping up ads from creating a Folder to Playing a music.
Look at that screenshot. It even serve an ad in built in cleaner app, like What the fuck man?! For real? I already disable the serve ads option. But it keeps turning on.
I even messing with the Permission settings, doesn't even help.
I REALLY WANT TO MOVE TO LINEAGE OS SO BAD, but the warranty is on duration. I don't want to void it.
God, give me a patience for another 7 month.
24 -
[ Coworker walks up to my desk at 4:15 PM ]
Coworker: "Hey man. We had to make a few changes to the codebase because one of our unit tests were failing. Can you take a look at a pull request for me?"
Me: "Yeah sure, how many files?"
C: "About 600"
Me: [ thinking it might just be a ton of libraries or gradle shit] "...ooookaayyyy... that's a lot but doable... how many lines?"
C: “128,000 lines"
Me: "Fuck you"11 -
I've seen new sets of tired go for a like $400.
Fuck that shit man. And that's if you're lucky. What if it's some transmission shit? Then you're mad hurt.
15 -
I helped a homeless man with a really bad foot condition down the stairs to get to the subway platform along with bringing down his wheelchair. Just his luck that the elevator was out of service. The man cried and said that he wished more people like me existed in the world but the world he knew was long gone from his grasp.
My problem with that situation was that people just ignored him and look disgusted at him....since when did we as humans lose faith in each other to the point that we ultimately care about differences, status, and appearance before anything else?
Such a sad fucking world we live in today and I had just learned that he used to be a programmer and worked at IBM back in the days (he had a really old decrepit badge too and we shared some programming woes before we got on separate trains).
Bless him and fuck everyone else who stood by and watched the poor man suffer. Those people are worse than shit, they are the scum of the Earth in my eyes.4 -
Is it just me, or does nobody read their fucking email? Especially when I try explain how a bug isn't trivial to solve because its based on some shitty design decision, that the managers made, that is practically the core of the app. If YOU cant understand the logic with me explaining it to you in plain FUCKING ENGLISH, than how in the name of baby FUCKING jesus, do you expect me to communicate that to the most complicated machines that man has ever built?!? What in the actual fuck do you even do here?!? I could do your job blind-folded, with terminal access to the db, while a monkey was flinging shit at me!5
-
New HOE came. He “streamlined” the processes and “standardised” the policies. And in turn.. fucked up the whole startup feel of my company.
I saw it happening right in front of my eyes in a matter of only few months.
Earlier, things were flexible, work was fun, people were even ready to put in more hours because we were all having fun. Now, work feels like work, fun is gone, frustration has become normal, and the most frustrating part is that.. WFH is now a “privilege”.
Fuck this shit man! That fucker exhausted the whole company in just a few months. Given enough time, he will be the end of this company.7 -
That moment when you wanted to see Big Ben since you were 8 and it's under renovations. 🤬😭
Man you guys don't pay as good as America but I'm seriously ready to say fuck it and try it out here for a few years.
4 -
*wants to watch Re:Zero on Windows*
The files are on my file server, exposed to the Windows machine with Samba. But the Re:Zero directory isn't visible on Windows 🤔
$ mv "Re:Zero" ReZero
*Suddenly becomes visible on Windows*
What the fuck.. can't it do : characters? Something as basic as that? Microsoft, you.. you never heard of character escaping? I mean, Linux shells for example don't deal with certain characters very well either, so what do you do? Either "this", 'this', or this\ stuff, depending on some and the other things that I won't get into, but mostly it boils down to preference.
Meanwhile Windows: sorry man, can't do it >_< but I can fuck up your language, updates, privacy and files!!!
Fucking hell.. at this point I'm not even mad anymore. Just.. what the fuck Microsoft?14 -
I just cant fucking believe this bullshit!
THE PRODUCT YOU'RE ASKING FOR NOW ITS NOT THE PRODUCT WE AGREED ON MAKING. ALL THE ADDITIONAL FUNCTIONALITY AND CHANGES YOU WANT TAKE TIME!
I can't believe how rude can people be! We were supposed to stop working in this product MONTHS ago but you keep asking for changes, for additional things and then you yell at us just because we dont have it ready for yesterday?! You got some fucking balls man just fuck off. You have to understand the development process, every change you ask for can have consecuences that make us rewrite a bunch of code and we also need to test everything again and again to make sure it works! Gimme a break!4 -
When I saw that the Zuckman was gonna go testify for congress I already knew that shit was gonna be retarded.
I had 0 expectations of congress asking the correct questions.
I was still disappointed. That is the beauty of my government. I have 0 expectations and they still disappoint me.
I love playing the devil's advocate. I really do, in this case and even tho I think Facebook is the most toxic shit on the internet (right next to SO) I could not help it but think the entire time that we aaaare told that all our date are belongs to them as soon as we put shit on their application. Its just the nature of the beast. Don't like it? Don't use it! But if you are gonna use it then account for the fact that your data will be used for targeted adds. It makes more sense, I would rather have an add for tutorials and books and shit like i normally get rather than knowing that 10 hot singles are in my area (because those are all lies 9 times out of 10) but then again I would rather not have any adds at all.
One has to account for all the money that fb pours into shit, where do people think fb makes that money from ..duh our data and adds. But shit was too hard to understand for Congress.8 -
Oh my God. New pet peeve:
People who answer questions on Amazon with an answer like "idk I just got this :(" or "idk man I bought it as a present."
Why the fuck do you feel the urge to answer a fucking question without actually answering it? Like are you that fucking stupid? Jesus Christ.5 -
Client sends multiple emails claiming that Im delaying n work and that he has a deadline. (In 4 hours)
I checked his revised briefing and started work in hopes of finishing it under my own deadline of 3 hours.
Received another email from my client telling me that the briefing is incomplete and that he will send me the final briefing tonight -_-
What the fuck man?10 -
IMHO: all the hate on Katie bouman is absolutely stupid. if you want to blame someone, blame the media for portraying her as the sole person on the project. She never once took credit only for herself and always mentions that it's a team effort. And what the fuck is so wrong that the focus is on the woman engineer anyways? If this was a man, no one would give a shit that he "didn't give credit to his team"6
-
FUCK
Have you ever worked with people that constantly asks you what to do? People who are in the same spot as you, I mean.
- Hey, you should start debugging this while I finish this menu
+ So what's failing?
- I don't know man, but there's a bug
+ But where?
- You should look for it, I'm trying to link this to the controller
+ How can you not know?
- Do you know?
+ Where should I look for it? Here?
- ...
(One crappy solution after) + Here it is, I'm moving to something else
- ...11 -
I feel like a man out of time and space.
I can work from anywhere so I am nowhere.
I work all the time, and I have no time to work.
Hours, days, and weeks. They all feel the same. The gentle barrier of sleep that denotes when one day ends and another begins is barely remembered if observed at all.
What the fuck did I sign up for.4 -
What the fuck man.
Why even I am working with this assholes.
Yesterday,Our technical support guy reinstalled windows(I don't mess up with technical issues because then it will be my part time job,so I show that I don't know anything about hardware).
He installed fucking 32 bit window,He was trying to installed 64 bit version thunderbird.
He wasted my whole day.16 -
I hate those movies/tv series in programmer just tap on some keys and says it's done. this makes programming/coding looks so easy.
FUCK YOU MAN ITS NOT EASYYYY4 -
Company praises us for being so productive working remote during covid
Forcing us to go in after covid with no remote option
12 -
Who else questions the Apple QA team?
Effective power to the letter "i" not working to the root bug and now this?
Jesus Christ they need to get some help lol
10 -
Some more of Stux's !dev pet peeves
1) Teenagers who comment shit like "I'm from the wrong generation" or "today's music is trash. This is real music" on songs from like the 70s and 80s. Like shut the fuck up. You can like whatever music you want, but your taste in music doesn't make you unique, so just shut the fuck up and listen to the music. I was jamming out to 70s and 80s when I was 9, so you aren't the first to enjoy older music at a young age
2) "Old heads" who comment shit like "this isn't real *genre*" on a new song that isnt like the older version of that genre. News flash: music fucking evolves. Just because that country song doesn't have a twangy guitar in it, that doesn't mean the song ain't country. Just because the rap song ain't some deep ass poetic shit, it doesn't make it any less of a rap song.
3) People who edit their comments on YouTube to say shit like "wow thanks for all the likes, I wasn't expecting this." Wooptie fucking doo. Your comment got a few thousand likes. Fun fact: those likes are meaningless.
4) Humidity. Fuck that shit man.
5) General education classes. They're a fucking pain in the ass man. Like im 98% confident I don't need art history in the real world. Or mythology. "tHeY tEaCh YoU tO lEaRn." Teach me to learn in degree specific classes then. At least their content will be interesting to me.
My name is Stuxnet. Thanks for coming to my TED talk again.20 -
I have this amazing idea, said John
I ask John about this amazing idea.
John goes on to say that it will change the world and solve world hunger.
I ask him again, what's your idea?
John says my idea is to 'solve world hunger'! AMAZING RIGHT?
now now John, so you're gonna do it like (provide a few solutions)..
John says yeah that was exactly what my idea was (ah. Fuck you)
So John now is under the delusion that he can solve world hunger and the steps to do it came from his own ostrich-brained imagination...
Tiny fuck doesn't even realize the fact that he plagiarized.
Now we look into the future where I ask John honestly that he should come up with his own idea to solve world hunger and not use mine.
JOHN GETS ANGRY
John asks 'do you actually think that was your idea? We were brainstorming man, I told you we had to solve world hunger and only because of my voice did I spark that idea in you, I created that idea man'
So, well since he's plagiarized so much I told him that I had this plan to perform a hunger strike in the grand Canyon to get some attention..
Fidgety little bitch found another idea to steal and he was like good idea!! I'm booking my flight to the Grand Canyon now!
What bout me I ask? He says man take some rest let me face the pressure (and the glory apparently)
Well, John did not return.
Poor stupid John did not realize that I had been joking and got his little ass fired under the direct sun in the grand canyon
Moral of the story :
I WILL DESTROY YOUR HOMES AND YOUR LIVES PLAGIARISTS, I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU *cough**cough*
Damn that Sulphur hexafluoride actually worked!8 -
After a decade of working in the web development industry, I have given up all hope, it's the same fucking stupid ideas, the same retarded problems in every damned company . Monkeys discovering and reinventing the same fucking wheel over and over and over again. From a 5 man company to the unicorn scaleup (and everything between) I have had to implement access control systems, and various REST API's following the design made by mongrels who do it the first time . I have become to hate the work I once was so passionate about. Just fuck this shit , if anybody had told me when I was in my early 20's that this is what I end up doing I'd go and learn to be a carpenter instead.10
-
I seear man fucking shit php devs make it hard for people to appreciate the language.
To start, i don't think there is anything wrong with php. As a language I know damn near all of its pitfalls and have successfully deployed huge applications with minimal fuss.
The thing is...this shit seems to happen only when I AM THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT DOES IT
In any other scenario i am constantly cursing the original author under my fucking breath hoping that they choke on their own dicks. Fucking cunts.
Really man, some of the fucking code i have seen. This shit is dangerous as fuck and i can't believe that in 2019 motherfuckers would not have the decency to google for best fucking practices or learn it from a fucking book and shit.
Writing proper php code is not that fucking hard people, every fucking update to the language, every fucking tool that comes out is for the betterment of it.
Guess proper oop or functional paradigms are too complex for some dickheads. Hell, not even top to bottom procedural code.
Fuck me. Good thing is, boss is happy, the entire faculty is happy, the board is happy. Everyone is motherfucking happy.
Dez negroids better remember this shit cuz I just asked for a $20k raise.
I got a raise literally every time i ask for one so this one better make the cut.
Fuck shit php developers man. Y'all don't deserve the language, y'all make the language look bad, y'all make the community look bad.
Fuck you, die and eat a dick. Do all that shit in whatever order you prefer.15 -
The amount of elitism you see inside of the dev community is the reason why I consider changing careers.
No, It don't hurt my feelings. I just don't want to surround myself from sexually frustrated loosers that think that getting cool points on the internet over hating and shitting over other's likes and dislikes means something.
It sucks balls and I smell the areas to be of dried cum and Cheetos.
Fuck man, being born ugly, anti-charismatic and weird must suck big balls37 -
So I was setting up my friend's NAS. Got everything worked in minutes (dns, port forwarding etc.). Enabled ftp connection tried it locally, working. Tried remotely, timed out...
After half an hour I was about to tear my hair out one by one when he suddenly said to wait a sec he knows what's the problem. Tapped two on his phone and suddenly, it's working.
THE FUCKING PHOTO UPLOADING FROM HIS PHONE TO THE CLOUD BLOCKED ALL INCOMING CONNECTIONS AND HE WAS AWARE OF THAT ALL ALONG. WHAT THE FUCK MAN, DO YOU ENJOY SEEING ME STRUGGLE?? That was literally an "I'm out" moment. -
I find it annoying when non-tech savvy people criticize the Parler devs for using AWS because "it's Amazon they had it coming", I don't know the devs or company behind that website, I've never used it, but wtf man do you have any idea what's involved in building, deploying and maintaining a platform like that or any other similar? ffs you would barely be able to write an HTML blog by yourself and you dare judge devs for using AWS. fuck off.
I agree with the sentiment, it sucks, if my platform was removed from AWS I probably would keep it that way because I don't have the money to afford the hardware nor am I somewhere that's readily available and that's what is really sad it would suck that just because Amazon doesn't like you or you don't have the influence to fight it you and your userbase can go fuck off. Very bad precedent, it is discouraging.68 -
I fucking nailed my c exam.
Had to write C on paper today. Fuck my uni for that. But I think I aced it. I coded C for weeks and hopefully finally payed off.
Fuck coding on paper though. They are just too lazy to make something digital. But man at least let me get some compiler messages. It's not like anyone codes without compiler messages anymore. -
That one guy in the team,
Who builds things and knows stuff about the things he has built and doesn't document it :) doesn't document anything about it.
Fuck you man. Seriously, you need me to come everytime to you and ask you about it?
Fuck you.
Literally, Fuck You!5 -
Fuck me man.
Last week when I needed to study for final exams, I wanted to learn all the codes.
Now that I'm free, all I feel like doing is sitting around and watching TV.
It's literally day #1 of my summer break omfg this is ridiculous11 -
Bought a new Chinese phone a few months back but the battery is already bad as fuck (my fourth Chinese phone, first bad battery). Define bad, every minute of devRanting was 1 percent of battery gone.
It was empty after like two hours of usage :(.
So just went back to my old phone (6000 mAh) and after two hours I am at 86 percent!
Man, this relieve 😀23 -
At work:
** fast typing from lead and me fx**
** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**
Lead Devel: Yo Al
*still typing fx**
Me: whats good gansgtah
L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?
** now I stop typing **
Me: .....yes......fuck
Him: yes...fuck
O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......2 -
Man, fuck the SO community
I asked a question on software engineering (all fancy like, links quotes checked spelling and grammar etc.)
if it would be beneficial to switch to another language in order to increase performance and memory limitations during a specific task
Literally one guy said it violated 4 of their rules
Opinion based; asking for language switch; too vague and another one
About 20/30 minutes later my question had a -3 score...
Fuck off with too vague, also why shouldn't I switch language for a single task... If it would be faster..
Anyway found an even better solution, but it cannot be enough said.. the SO community is a bunch of old stubborn fucks who only care about their score.4 -
The pay was good. The perks were good too. Then why the hell did I resign? Because of my manager. You won't believe he never contributed to anything. In the past two months, he didn't write a single line of code.
You may say, "he is a manager. His work is to manage people". But what?? He never allows us to talk to anyone. Sets unexpected reality in the meeting. And our CEO (a good-hearted man and good software engineer, but does not know much about ML/AI) believes in him. We are working on a product which is a piece of shit. I tried to tell everyone the reality. He stopped me. Says since I don't have experience, I don't know what is possible.
What the hell??? With current talent and resources, you are saying AI will replace humans in call centers by the end of 2019. What the FUCK!!!! I tried to write a mail to the CEO, explaining him things. He threatened me. Said he will make me lose my job. So FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!
That is the reason I am resigning. He has another 11 months to fuck the company. But I am going to a place where things are real. People know the potential and challenges of AI and are doing their best. I know, eventually, everyone will know that he is a liar. A big fucking LIAR. And he will lose his job. Not because machines will take over. But good, talented human beings will replace him.8 -
I love beer. I like trying things out of my comfort zone. German and Belgian beers are absolutely delish, them mfkers know how to make a good brew. I also like my Japanese and Mexican beers, and even though europeans shit on them all the time, there are tons of American brands I love.
But......for the life of me.....every IPA I take tastes like fucking dishwater soap. From artisanal to regular market brands, everything in between. Fuck me man I can't stand the taste.
Anyone feels the same?24 -
Swithced to Ubuntu, this is my first ever OS outside of windows. Man I am loving this shit.
Bought my laptop with windows 8, was working like charm and then came windows 10, I updated it and it was working fine untill they started releasing the patch updates. My laptop became slow as fuck, taking forever to boot and bitch was I afraid to connect to my wifi fearing the background data consumption and the antivirus clogging the ram.
I am free now, I am finally free. I am ready suck the developer's dick just to please him for this masterpiece and helping me get out of this misery.19 -
It is 109° F / 39° C outside and I still hear people saying that they are glad the "cold days"(which meant 10° C AT MOST) are out.
Fuck this weather man. My house cold as fuck and my coding fresh af.
I hate this weather... about the only thing that sucks about Texas14 -
Man the senior dev where I work produces the most half baked shit solutions but I guess management loves em because he produces results.
Like Holy fuck this whole place just has a raging hard on for Microsoft products. Plus management won't spend any money on dealing with any of the tech debt and our prod solution is just to erect more monoliths.
Someone please end my suffering5 -
Man they're coming today. I got another one.
An issue filed over an issue tags color being "too bright" and "draws more attention than other tags"
It's the "good first issue" tag you think maybe I did that by design?
Holy fuck.1 -
Way after office hours, random ping!!
Client: Hey man you're a ninja, i have heard so much about you from my team, you're really good. Thanks for everything.
Me(Overwhelmed): Gee, this is my job :)
C: So, can you do a small change to the website!! 😨
Me: Okay
2 days later. After office hours!!
C: Hey Ninja... and all that crap...
Me: Starts typing... Goes offline!!
Fuck you!!4 -
Holy fucking shit.
I just read an article about Barton Gellman, one of the journalists that wrote the snowden articles for the Washington Post and one of the 3 that got contacted directly by snowden.
It seams like several intelligence agencies tried/succeeded to compromise his infrastructure.
His iPad got compromised through an RCE exploit.
The turkish intelligence service tried to compromise his laptop by tricking him into installing a customized RAT.
Like fuck man, I can't imagine how it is to be targeted by pretty much every government there is.15 -
Look, nano, I love you more than you could imagine but the fact that you make these shortcuts do what they do can fuck off...
CTRL+C = cursor position
CTRL+X = exit nano
CTRL+V = next page
I meant... *Sigh*... I don't fucking know anymore man...25 -
Just spent 2 fucking hours debugging one of my websites scripts because apparently appendChild wasn't a function... Here I was thinking there was a function called getElementByClassName... Dick head me didn't realise I'm missing a single 's'... 2 hours over a single fucking s!
Fuck javascript man...12 -
Who the fuck uses http code 200 for a failure. Seriously have you ever heard something about a need to parse the shit you're returning...
Now I don't know whether it's me who's wrong, but man there are more than 80 different codes defined so there really should be something for you, don't you think?
And don't give me shit like "well the request worked so we return 200 it's only that the request wasn't correct". What for a fucking peace of something are you... Those codes are for that exact reason.
Anyways I'm going to parse the shit with string compare and afterwards kill myself out of shame. Whish me luck...
4 -
I fucking hate websites where you register and they send you email confirmation WITH YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD AND USERNAME also when you purchase something from the same fucking website they send you email with order details and YOUR PASSSSSSWWWWOOOORDDDD. Fuck my country(Serbia) man...6
-
So I have the new Mac book pro for 8 months now, always thought that the butterfly keyboard issue will never happen to me.
Until three days ago I noticed my space key is kinda sticky.
I have an external monitor so I don’t recall any time I spill water or food directly on the keyboard.
So I made an appointment for a walk in.
BUT this morning, I was like: man, fuck this shit and smashed the space key.
Now it’s fixed.
Good1 -
Fuck GoDaddy man... Paid extra for the privacy feature thinking I wouldn't get harassed by phone. Think again! Got tons of calls from India in two days. What a rip off...
I guess they're selling our info or something...
What service do you guys use? I want to move my domains, any recommendation?19 -
Ransomware: Haha, pay me now or say goodbye
Me: Hey, What are you doing on my Pentium?
RW: Whaaat? Fuck man you are a disgrace. Here take some $2000 and now I be off.
my hero....2 -
Me: man, I really want to work on my project but I don't know what to do
Brain: You should document your code, it doesn't have a single fucking comment, you stupid lazy fuck
Me: oh ok, I will do that ...1 -
Man fuck the heat, fuck the chaos and prolonged temporariness of the weeks after uni ends, fuck my executive dysfunction, fuck the job hunt process and fuck my crumbling body that I never bothered to fix because the train ticket was a serious financial commitment and because, again, executive dysfunction.
Fucking hate my situation right now. And the fact that it's not actually bad as far as human situations go doesn't help one bit.2 -
Visual Studio - How da fuck can a IDE take so long to load? Like shit man, the time VS loads I have a days work on Xcode already.7
-
!rant
Had a meeting with the head of my department concerning the status of many of our current projects. Them projects are huge and it is 2 dedicated devs(me and the lead) working on them whilst training our CMS admin in development to help out(dude is talented af and really digs programming) and my manager was so worried about what he was gonna say.
The thing is, she doesn't know how to take a break, she never pushes us, but she does push herself and it pains the team to see her take so much heat. She really is a bomb manager, and we want her to be more at ease.
Well a couple of days ago the vips of the board decided to bombard her with shit since out dptmnt head was on sick leave. The stress they put on her was some military grade bs and even then she never...EVER took it out on anyone.
The head of our department walked in to talk to us about it. Dude is a tall older gentleman, suits up every day(Texas style meaning cowboy boots and everything) and is quite imposing. Has a stern look man, one of them 1000 mile stares and a huge mustache that more than surpasses mine(which mind you, my mustache is fucking outstanding)
Our boss walked into the meeting room, sat down and heard what she had to say, she was not excusing herself. As bomb as this gorgeous woman is she was all about telling him what we were going to show the board on next week's meeting.
He sat there quietly listening to her as well as the presentation that me and my boys had to do.
What happened next blew me the fuck out of this world.
He said that he was sorry that so much stress had come down to her and us whilst he was gone and that he was happy with the leadership showcased by her and the initiative that the team took to put forward a presentation for him and the board. He also said that he was going to make said presentation for us since the vips had no business stressing us out, he asked for our assistance for any of the technical stats since even though he was a programmer he is not aware of all the inner details of our apps. He said that it is commendable that such a small team can hold 2 campus(college level) and that he was aware of the technical proficiency of me and the lead and that he knows that our shit is not something that gets done overnight.
He then said that at any given time that we get antagonized by matters such as timeframes or shit like that that we can direct everyone to him, regardless of what.
.He was also really amazed at the progress we showed him on the current projects(most are on their respective testing phases).
He then reiterated on how proud he is of all of us before biding us a good weekend and leaving to his office
As i sat there watching how the world was lifted from my manager and happy that he enjoyed the progress of my work I could not help but feel a deep sense of admiration and respect for this mysterious man.
I would damn skippy take a bullet for him....just in case my draw gets sloppy that is, ain't no one taking aim at the boss.3 -
So yesterday there was an interesting news story in my country. A man was fined for posession of two pictures containing pornographic depictions of children.
Now that's all great. The interesting part, however, is how the man was caught.
A tip was given from foreign agencies to the law enforcement of my country that the man was storing the pictures on his OneDrive. Not sharing them or anything, simply storing them there.
How the FUCK did the know? Do they monitor everything you put in a fucking private cloud repository? I've never used OneDrive, and now I'll make sure to never use it in the future. Fucking spyware.8 -
This week's sprint:
Bugs that cannot be reproduced
Features that are vague as shit
Man fuck this week...1 -
Got drunk during work time because fuck openvpn, fuck anyconnect, and fuck badly designed vpn servers in general.
A fucking pptp connection, man, a fucking pptp.6 -
Man, my product owner is so fucking annoying. I am 50/50 between two projects when really it feels like I'm 100/100 - and the PO of one of the projects always requests that I join daily stand ups and give updates.
CUNT.
I don't always have updates because I'm working with another team. Why are you trying to micromanage me you fuck face. Also, you know when you get those PO's that are totally useless and don't actually bring any real value to the project except in the capacity of being a slimey charismatic weasel? Yah, that's this person.5 -
Rapid firing some mini rants.
Fuck people that go on vacation and post 100 pictures of it. Chill out fam. I can guarantee you that 95% of your followers don't give a shit. Keep the posts minimal; 3-5 is ideal with 5-7 being acceptable.
People that post shit like r/whooosh in the comments on posts can suck a dick. That's not necessary asshats.
Why the fuck do the Android versions of every major app suck ass? Like c'mon man. It's the most widely used mobile OS. Take Apple's dick out your ass and fix this garbage. (I get that supporting the cheap ass devices that never get OS updates is one thing, but ffs im using a Pixel. Get your shit together.)
This TED talk was brought to you by Stuxnet. Thanks for coming.7 -
Fucking shit uni is such a waste of time. We are learning Apache Spark in Big Data module. Fucking losers have Spark 1.6.0 installed while the latest version is 2.2.1 right now.
What a bunch of cunts. We are paying tons of money to study deprecated shits and a degree. A fucking degree that is not even on a piece of paper anymore.
Fuck this shit man.6 -
Rails gems are like heroine. Addicting as fuck and dangerous when you stop using them.
Just the other day I was explaining user accounts explanations to a coworker when he asked me "what if for some reason you cannot use that package"
My brain froze for a minute trying to remember how would one go about doing that without devise.
Dangerous man.2 -
Shit man if I thought that S.O for developers was bad.....Stack Exchange Mathematics is just fucking brutal omg I am loling so bad man these dudes have 0 patience and will legit kill trolls on spot.
Saw a dude not agreeing with implicit meanings behind certain symbolic notations, some other dude disagreed, fight ensured.
This shit is awesome. Ima stick with this shit for a while.
S.O still fucking sucks though. The stack is amazing and the app works fantastic. The people there are shitty beyond belief.
"Well, you probably said that beca...." fuck off3 -
related rant
if you do the conception of a web site in Photoshop/illustrator
and don't provide the text in a copypastable format FUCK YOU
if you use print ready images that are extra huge for web, and are of arbitrary sizes, and then placing them behind a mask FUCK YOU
also your fucking banners are square shaped , and the slider is wider than your mom,
.... man fuck this10 -
Joined this new team which said to have a rockstar teamlead with his right hand rockstar drummer senior dev. Turns out its just 2 socially awkward dudes who come into office once a week and all they care about is doing their own tasks and calling it a day.
The rockstar senior teamlead actually turns out to be an ex QA guy whos doing development only for the past 2 years and is unable yo explain what his code is doing and just starts rambling. I didnt expected spoon-feeding type of mentoring but man calling them and trying to get some advices makes me wanna die everytime. Fuck. My. Life.
I took matters into my own hands, Im doing pretty well actually and already am delivering, but man, if they dont give me a raise after probation ends then fuck this Im outta here. This is not what I signed up for.
These fuckers are pretentious egomaniacs who look good in their linkedin page but in reality are selfish narcissists.12 -
Fuck jQuery. The only reason I see anyone using it legitemately is because of backwards compatibility. Almost every jq method is either native js or native css. The problem is, some devs become practically dependent on a library. By then, they are no longer js devs. They are jQuery devs. When you find yourself going to the docs of a lib before native methods 9 times out of 10 you've gone past the turning point. When you find yourself including jQuery instinctively, you're gone. StackOverflow is a great example of this:
Question - 1 up
Pure JS answer - 0 ups
jQuery answer (same length) - 2 ups and accepted
Come on man. It's 2018! We shouldn't be writing jQuery anymore. Native methods ftw!15 -
I don't understand people who write "Fu*k" instead of "Fuck", dude everyone know what's that means anyway and you definitely not going to become a Honorable man or you will go to heaven by doing this. Seriously.11
-
!devRelated
I personally think that one of the worst things a person can be is a bad driver.
I really hate the driving culture in my city.
This ain't some third world country with no roads and no traffic signs or regulations. We have very very nice roads. Good traffic systems in place. Decent driving speeds and people STILL manage to fuck shit up.
Not one fucking day do I get in my truck without wanting to murdee someone.
I flipped off about 3 people today. One of them started to scream at me. I told the bitch ass motherfucker to do something about it. I was really hoping a motherfucker would.
I really hate these fucking people.
My fucking city is the reason why Trump supporters get off on hating mexicans. How the fuck can I blame them if when driving through such fucking city damn near every fucker on a vehicle drives with 0 regard for others.
Fuck this bullshit man. This is fucking Texas. I have yet to see nicer fucking roads, no fucking excuse really.
I am going to kill someone one of these days. And I will aim poorly...see if that shit hurts more.5 -
Wtf man, you are using fucking Ubuntu for 5 months and I really have to tell you how to edit fucking /etc/hosts? Fuck you... I should be the fucking boss...3
-
“Overhearing powers of the Fullstack dev”
We have an internal control panel (BEEP) to manage our dev Tomcat instances. The other day, with one of my muggle friend, I was trying to restart an instance. There’s a checkbox to clean the host tmp files and directories, ingeniously named as - Purge cache.
Innocent Me (to my muggle friend): bro would Purge cache delete the application log files?
__(Fullstack dev overhearing us)__
Muggle friend: Purge ca... (gets interrupted my the Fullstack dev)
Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like ... (gotta be consistent with the opening) what “npm purge” does is it deletes the files which are not being used.
Confused Muggle friend: bro it’s a BEEP option to clean the tmp dirs.
Fullstack dev: oh I thought you guys were talking about “npm purge”
Angry muggle friend: then WHY THE FUCK did you answer if you didn’t know [...] the fuck we were talking about.
Calm fullstack dev: FYI. Might help you someday.
Deeply-hurt Me: (what the fuck is “npm purge”). Hey man do you mean “npm prune”? Because they don’t have an npm purge. And what do you mean by “it deletes the files which are not being used”?
Confident Fullstack dev: NO
Me: (cries in npm)
More to come!3 -
So windows decided to be the cunt it is once again!
I turned my windows to sleep cause I was gonna have dinner and I don't fucking know what the fuck windows think "sleep" is but after around 10 minutes a hear a sound of a device getting unplugged (I use an external mouse)
Fuck! Fucking shit, you dimwit, you decided to perform a goddamn update? An update? Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me, I did an update around a week or two ago! And my laptop was on sleep for a motherfucking reason! All my tabs...all those fucking tabs and programs
How the fuck can you update when I only kept it in sleep you shitnugget?!
What kind of asshole does that? I had unsaved files man
And now it restarted twice and no, this motherfucking cunt couldn't even apply the updates; just fucking rolled back!3 -
my staff got selected to go do something RETARDED on site when all restrictions on the city have been lifted and the fucking numbers of covid-19 cases have been rising, last week 4 people fucking DIED and they wanted to put my guys for some RETARDED SHIT THAT can be completely ignored in which they would deal with countless of RETARDS that as I know will probably be ignoring all safety precautions and getting everyone fucking SICK.
I don't give a fuck, my employees are high risk personell, if they get sick they might fucking die, I said no to fucking everyone and had the head of my department to back me up. Fuck this shit man I am so tired of this pandemic since it had made everyone 10 billion percent-o more retarded than they already were.
If the head of department ignores it I will instruct my people to just ignore that shit and don't make themselves present at that bullshit ass fucking event.
See what the fuck they do. I treat my employees as if they were my soldiers, I know what leadership is and they are not making me fucking budge, if your command is bullshit i will fucking say no and you can go ahead and do whatever the fuck you want with that shit, just based on my title and experience I can go where the fuck I want and you will eat dick.
Luckily for me the HOD is on the same boat, he thinks this shit is fucking stupid.4 -
!Dev
Fuck that day, honestly. Today during my driving lesson I was a witness of a car crash literally 5 meters in front of me (the older man cut the road of other guy, that other guy hit the old man's car and old man has hit the lamp post. Good thing no was injured, except of few bumpers, car doors and lamp).
The train which was supposed to take me back to Leiden was 10 minutes late, so I couldn't catch the earlier bus.
When I got off the train, went to catch a next bus, there was huge crowd outside, because police was taking care of the suspicious bag left in front of the train station (pic). Lots of cop, lots of people. Fortunately that wasn't a bomb.
The only positive thing was that I helped some nice Hindi guy find his bus 😁
25 -
Honestly I frankly do not care for your title, I care for what you've done and can do.
You may be "more qualified" in research, but if you have no idea how to write software, you're not qualified in software engineering, and frankly, you shouldn't be telling me how to write my code if you don't even understand the use case.
And then don't pretend you own it??????????? The fuck man. I'll sink you.3 -
Fuck people that do not show up on Mondays because"they're sick".
Thanks for extra workload of two more people on top of my already two-man job.7 -
Soooo might turn into the lead developer of the web services of 2 fucking schools with the manpower of 2 for which one of us ain't even a developer all because HR put my lead developer in the hospital and he might be so fucking fed up that he may not come back to work.
Fuck
Human
Resources
Holy fuck man.....I was already a lead mobile developer before and i fucking hated every minute of it and the pay raise ain't even gonna be worth it for the ammount of shit that i am going to be required to do.
Fuck this, fingers crossed man I really want my boy to come back cuz I don't wanna deal with this bullshit.
I seriously never thought i would be in this position and by heavens i have been in some shit before.
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Fingers crossed my boy gets better man fr.7 -
Damn Google.
"hey my company I like diversity, and agree with our goal but think we are punishing people for voicing an opinion that we could accomplish our values of nondiscrimination using better methods"
Googles Response "we encourage diversity including diversity of opinions. All employees should be safe to talk about these things. Oh and FUCK you man you're fired we don't agree with you standing up and voicing a differing opinion"3 -
Hurricanes that start with the letter F can go fuck themselves.
Fran - 1996
Floyd - 1999
Florence - 2018
All 3 hit (well Florence hasn't hit yet, but it's fixing to) NC and did significant damage.
I wanted a few days off from classes, but not like this man. Fucking hell I hope it doesn't take the power out for too long or destroy anything important (like people).6 -
I hate social media because I have to keep it in one way or the other (don't ask)
As such, I have to deal with multiple bullshit that I read from people.
The trust fund baby with a daddy selected job posting images on him on Cancun "lIfe Is To Be EnjOyeD, go AhEaD trAvEl" <--- bitch I work. I am happy that you enjoy shit but fuck me man have some sense of reality.
Many more shit like that, plus, it is a pandemic fuckhead, chill the fuck out.
The retarded veteran that continues to cry about a football player kneeling on a football match.....even though he was told by a fucking ex Special Forces to take a knee in peaceful protest.
Mexican adults talking about American politics.....dude you live in FUCKING MEXICO your fucking president is a national MEME
the list continues, I hate social media.19 -
>import ENi18n
>import ZHi18n
en = {…ENi18n, moreStuff}
zh = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffZH}
pt = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffPT}
“Hey man can you fix this? Seems like we are missing the Portuguese i18n. Check this file please (path)”
“I’m sorry I don’t understand, can you call me and explain?”
Why do I need to explain this? What is difficult to grasp here? How can it take more than 20 seconds to know what to do here? It’s not even a file I made, you made it and I just ran into it!
Fuck man, I’m going to blow my brains out.2 -
What about "Man page"? You sound like a sex-throlling maniac and I demand that you blacklist the term also from the dictions on your doc 🤪 (Oh fuck, did I just used the word 'blacklist'?) *whispers* Sorry Jim, I actually meant 'darklist' the word 'Man page'.
9 -
FUCKING FUCK ANGULAR!!!!
LIKE FUCK IT IN THE ARSE AND BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER WHILE LAUNCHING A MISSILE ON IT TO BE SURE!
(ﾉ≧∇≦)ﾉ ﾐ ┸━┸
So I am making something on angular and I got everything running in ng serve(development environment) , after handling all issues and showing it to my boss man he approves and asked to put it up on prod for a demo , doesn’t sound like an issue , I make the prod build on cli and BAM! 16 errors ? No issues right?, I’ll just google the issue. Googles.... there aren’t no clear solutions to it as the angular version keeps changing and nobody knows what broke it, I mean people have the issue,but like 100 reasons that can cause it,
HOLY LORD RELEASE A NEWER VERSION AFTER MENDING THE OLD ONE
But nooooooo!
Angular Dev:We fucked this one, lol what should we do boss man?
Angular boss man: lol just leave it, we need to build the new version with newer bugs,
P.S. I like angular, but it’s like a underdeveloped framework, too many issues and too many changes2 -
Oh man, I fucked up...
I was doing after hours work for client, setup website with https.
Can't work over sftp with current user,so I give it the same user ID as apache, get files transferred and shit.
Go back to change uid, set wrong uid, now my user is ntp, I can't get into root, can't set password...
I fucked up
Tail between the legs, sent email to clients support, asking them to fix my user fuck up, waiting for reply -
Fucken Designers - Have you ever heard of fucken consistency?
Different looks and feels for the same thing in every single page? Wat the fuck man - I am trying to write clean and modular code for components and you guys are making hard -
Bomb Alert:
Fuck Designers *middle finger*6 -
Man fuck Facebook, log on hardly ever, feel caged by family who won't let me permanently leave, and when I do log on it's always something depressing shit.
My phone auto jumped me back to devRant and some ++ action and cool new rants...so much better, even with the down votes from the "I don't know what I'm doing here" crowd.5 -
Fuck, every time I read something about NFTs I lose another bit of faith in humanity I didn't even know I had.
I mean, I guess someone could make a bunch of cartoon characters (lets say, some sort of "pookey-man") using compatible styles and colour palettes. And I guess you could buy some of those if there is a product that makes trademark recognition a plausible dream (let's say, a videogame and/or anime).
But if the chance of success is akin to the chance of becoming a billionaire solemly from lottery wins, shouldn't the assets be priced accordingly?
Like a couple bucks a pop, at most?
Dropping a cool 30000 quid on a single lotto ticket sounds like the dumbest thing ever.
And yet at least a couple hundred hollow heads did it.
Fuck everything.3 -
I never used to lie. Unless it was absolutely necessary which was very rare.
But now, I can lie so easily.
It all started with those fake sick emails after entering coroorate. And now I have become a lying bastard.
I don’t like myself when I lie but the necessities have become frequent in corporate.
Fuck corporate man!
Fuck it with porcupine quills!9 -
GMT/UTC
IST
ACST
CST
PST
.
.
.
.
.
Man Fuck time zones, I don't even know where I belong anymore while keeping track of all of them at once.
Fuck You In The Ass Time Zone3 -
Man it always feels like i know nothing. Like when you don't know HTML it feels like you know nothing .
Then you learn js, backend, some database.
But you don't know react so fuck you you know nothing.
Then you learn react, but you don't know vite, next
So you know nothing.
this cycle never ends
FUCK8 -
I'm tired of "agile" development. Sure the concept of a hacky POC that gets thrown out for a real implemention sounds great. But it never gets thrown out. That shitty POC become the foundation for a horrible mangled mess of hacky improvement after improvement. I'm tired of my boss telling me "do it the easy quick way and fix it later", like fuck off no. I can save man weeks worth of bug hunting a year down the road by actually taking an extra day to do it right. Like fuck does no one care about quality engineering anymore?
Sometimes that extra day to write a general vs a specific implementation is worth it.5 -
!dev
I fucking hate how when an (musical) artist dies, all of a sudden everyone is a fucking fan of them.
First it was Lil peep, then it was fucking Xtension cord dude, then Mac Miller and now Nippsey.
Like ik damn well all the people I am friends with saying "rip Nippsey" have heard like 2 songs from him and listened to them twice.
But now that he's dead you're acting like you bumped his shit all day & everyday? Fuck off man.18 -
As you guys may or may not know (or may or may not give a fuck), I'm currently part-time studying to get a diploma and get the fuck out of my country. Since I have to write a 40-pages long "end of study dissertation" about something we personnaly have interest in, I decided to teach myself about DevOps.
In order to prepare it, I decided to get a Raspberry Pi, install Docker and Jenkins (as a container) on it, and handle my multiples websites on it, and build a huge fucking website around which I would write my dissertation about.
But man, I'm starting to loose hope, I get to bed at 2 AM every night because I'm trying to make some basic shit work until I realize that I just CAN'T what I want because of tons of reason, so I try to lower my expectations, and it's frustrating. Yesterday, a Ruby on Rails image I created was perfectly working, tonight MySQL throws an "host not authorized for this mysql server" error, and I don't know what the fuck is happening nor if I can do anything about it.
I love teaching myself new stuff, but I have to admit, it's waaay harder than I expected2 -
This is a message to all “yes man” developers:
Yeah… we just got in that the client has new requirements for you to complete by EOD:
1. Go to the gas station
2. Buy two gallons of gasoline
3. Order two 2 ft long dildos online
4. Go to the center of your town
5. Scream “fuck me corporate daddy, I’ll do anything for you” 100 times
6. Shove one dildo into ur ass and one in your mouth
7. Pour gasoline all over yourself
8. Light yourself on fire
9. Contemplate what little self respect you have for yourself and the rest of the world…8 -
So, you are telling me that I should motivate myself? For working in a dead end job with no scope of promotion, no imminent raise, ever changing job requirements, layoffs, empty cubicles, zero SDLC process in place, no oversight from upper management, it is somehow my fault for me being late to work everyday?
One of these days, I'm going to fling my resignation paper at your face and drop the mic!
Man, Fuck you son!3 -
I cannot even function right now with how angry I am. If you're a python developer, don't take offence to this unless it describes you.
All the python devs I have ever met so far are pompous arrogant cucks that can't even get out of their own way to save themselves. They make EVERYTHING so fucking complicated and complex that the whole point to a project becomes moot.
Instead of understanding HOW a thing works, their answer is ALWAYS rewrite it how THEY want it to work.
They have what we used to call "little-man" syndrome. They're so concerned that they aren't perceived as intelligent that they overcompensate by making the wildest and most fucked up changes to a project I have EVER seen.
They have gone so far as to break the original functional components of a project just to meet THEIR definition of a healthy python project.
I don't hate the language, but GOD DAMN I HATE THE DEVS.
If this describes you, fuck you. Seriously, just fuck off into whatever python hole you crawled out of and stay there.6 -
Well today I feel like shit so I called in sick. Found out the lead developer called in sick as well.
The thing is, there was something really important to be done today that he fucking new that if he was not to be there I was going to get shit from everyone. He is going through some shit right now and I get it, so I would normally cut him some slack.
But fuck man, at some point you got to man the fuck up and deal with your job, if anything do it for your fucking coworkers/friends. He fucking new that I was going to get a fuckload of bullshit over something that he takes care of.
Nevermind that there are only 2 fucking developers for the entire fucking campus(2 campuses actually) and we were told last friday that we were needed. Normally, one would put up with the bullshit and make a presence, but that one of us is always me. Today I said fuck it, its too cold, don't feel good and I don't want to take my daughter to the daycare.
Today I sit at home, go over my OS books, play Skyward Sword with my daughter, watch movies with her and I don't think about work for one second.
On another note, the reason why I need to go through my OS books is that a good portion of my masters degree(which I am to start on August) covers OS development, it seems that the entire curriculum will be C/C++ galore which makes me FUCKING STOKED! finally a break form web development that I can probably use to get me out of web development professionally as well.9 -
Why do we post here? Is this just an outlet for our intrusive thoughts? A therapy session for things we can't articulate in meetings? Being able to say controversial things we are not allowed to say other places?
It feels like this place exists outside of time and reality. It really is refreshing, sometimes frustrating, and sometimes really offensive. Things that exist here that would not be tolerated elsewhere:
1. alternate ideas of software, sometimes politics, theories of existence, people liking javascript
2. ostream (I love you man)
3. bullying
4. saying what you really feel
5. telling people to fuck off
What would we do without this place?
Meanwhile my intrusive thoughts:
17 -
Unreal Engine adventures:
me: So ok, I need a map from int to String
Unreal: ya but it's called TMap, FCompactPoseBoneIndex and FName.
me: ..uhhh ok whatever
...
me: ok for debugging, please print this
Unreal: FName is not a string
me: k. Fname.toString().
Unreal: ya but it aint a TChar array now
...
IT'S A FKING STRING JUST PRINT IT. And the other guy is still an int with extra steps! Come the fuck on now....
I mean, honestly, a logging function that cannot print a fking FString? sigh...
Man, I miss python and blender...8 -
This entire google playstore review system is annoying and sometimes useless. Before you download something, you tend to check for the reviews. It's just the way it is. If you see something negative, you tend to have second thoughts of proceeding to download. These muggles think as if they were entitled with anything. "3 stars. I would give you 5 stars IF..." Shut the fuck up, man. No one gives a shit! So you wouldn't give 5 stars because the feature that only you want is not there?2
-
Some fuckin ppl man wtf, as a said here before I'm not the most skilled or elegant developer at my company but fuck me am not as dumb as some fuckin cunts
We have 2 separate packages dedicated to add reusable components but some asshole with shit for brains just keeps adding these components in one of the main repos and it's like r u retarded or something, like u know that's not what's meant to happen cause you've used the components from those other repos. Sometime I jus wanna die and I've only been working as a dev for about 2 yrs 🤦♂️3 -
Fucking idiot designers providing design in .jpg and .pdf, how the fuck am I to know what padding or margin is to this element. and at the last moment, they ask to just to put down images as "patches" and make sure it's "clickable", man fuck this!6
-
You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!'
...
You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol or the drugs or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid, it's you! Alright? It's you. ...Fuck, man. What else is there to say?' -
*during sprint planning*
Me: so here are the tickets I'm taking in this sprint. I'll do this first and that second. I'm also keeping some buffer for emergency stuff
Manager: ok, this looks good. I trust you and will let you work in peace unless something important comes up. I won't micro manage you
Also my manager for every fucking day of the sprint: hey man what's up? Ready for sync up call?
THAT'S MICRO MANAGING RIGHT THERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU COULD CHECK JIRA OR GITHUB OR ASK ME IN STANDUP BUT YOU INSIST ON CALLING AND ASK ABOUT THE TINIEST DETAILS. GO FUCK YOURSELF SERIOUSLY9 -
https://devrant.com/rants/4356269/...
As it turns out, many people in my team has the same fucking habit! Nobody wants to listen; everybody wants to blabber first!
How the fuck are we going to communicate like this? Especially while working from home?!
And how the fuck can you blame me for an issue when you don’t even let me complete a fucking sentence?! How the fuck am I supposed to get my point across?!!
Oh man.. today’s been bad.2 -
!dev
I just fucking hate people that have 10 years without talking to me and write me to ask for a favor.
Starting like: hey man how are you doing? Like you give a fuck about the shithole I'm at, just tell me what a fuck do you want and let me go back to my life.6 -
Sometimes when I'm telling my boss how to do something on his computer or I am watching him explaining something to me and he seems like a fucking lost infant that never used a fucking computer in his life I just wanna say loud and firmly:
"What the fuck man? Can't you fucking just click this shit already? Your fucking mouse pointer is on it already, click this motherfucker for once!"6 -
That time after you changed to Linux and you really need windows...
Trying to root my new server :( Don't know why can only use USB1 on my VirtualBox VM... Fuck man26 -
There is nothing worse than a toxic workplace, it sucks the life out of you and the people around you. Fuck the rat race man.6
-
Me: (Talking to new recruits) "Remember, you should only ever work on one project at a time. The different requirements, complications, and resolution times will fuck you over. That's the last thing you need, being new to the team and all that. If the client needs more man power, then-" (you get the idea)
Also me: 3 monitors and working on 4 projects. *Sips coke*1 -
One will seldom hear me completely shit about a piece of technology.
But my time has come to do it again:
Fuck RedHat man. Like, really, fuck you. Fedora is fine. Centos is fine. Fuck red hat.
That is all. Thank you.5 -
Oh man, it's so funny when people try to install npm via cmd and they can't understand, what fuck all errors they are getting.2
-
Ugh fuck living in Australia trying to buy tech, wanted to treat myself and get a Skagen falser smartwatch. Nope, but we ship to the US...
Always having to pay extra for the same product, pissed me off when people were complaining that $60 is too much for a AAA game and here we are sitting at base of $100.
Can people start realising other countries want tech as well?
Every other Smartwatch other than ticwatch aren't available in Australia, I just want something minimal and with a metal body, fuck companies man -,-5 -
So my friend told me that he recommended me to be a new Creative Engineer.
-Oh shit, sweet, what are the requirements?
-I don't really understand that kind of stuff man, just look it up, here' the link
*Hmmm*
-Html,
*ok*
-Css,
*mhmm*
-Javascript
*sure*
etc etc...
and,
Actionscript
...
Excuse me?
Who the FUCK use actionscript nowadays ???2 -
This utilization shit is stupid! Seriously man what the hell! Yes yes it's an important number yes yes I don't even care. You want me to increase my utilization and at the same time be wary of the budget, which are unrealistically tight to begin with. It's freaking impossible! Who comes up with this shit?
You know what? Half of this shit ain't even my fault! A project was set for 200 hours and a guy wasted half of that trying to figure out just HOW TO CONNECT TO THE API! Like the guy only wrote 30 lines in 100 HOURS! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! THEN YOU PASS OVER THE PROJECT TO ME AND SAY YOU HAVE ONLY 100 HOURS LEFT TO CONNECT TO THE API, GET THE DATA (WHICH BTW DOESNT EVEN EXIST), PARSE IT, AND THEN CREATE GRAPHS AND A FULLY FUNCTIONAL SOFTWARE, WITH A USER INTERFACE THAT SHOULD RUN AS AN EXECUTABLE!!!! ME? ALONE?
MAN FUCK YOU!2 -
Learning JS in 2018 is like asking programming advice from sales people. What the fuck is going on man? Halfway through trying to convince the company to use all these new shits, I felt stupid as shit.5
-
What in the flying fuck is happening with this fuckery. Geezus fucking hell man...this is some top level fuckery. It's some grade A fuckery. It is about the most fucky thing I had ever fucking seen in a while. Fuck it. That's it...i am going full time Golang or C++ dev.
Peace bitches i am out.
https://zdnet.com/google-amp/...5 -
GIT LOG VERSION 110
---------------
a9c2934 I don't believe it
fb8d2e6 I am Root. We are Root.
6be9078 FINALLY FIXED THE FUCKING BUG IN THE CODE, DO NOT EVER EVER FUCK ME AGAIN YOU MARON
3d08a88 THIS IS THE FUCKING WORKING VERSION
013faed THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, GO TO A PREVIOUS COMMIT
af5d013 We'll figure it out on Monday
49e238b de-misunderestimating
a40351b happy monday _ bleh _
a5f345d Fixed unnecessary bug.
485a26a pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
c4fcbde s/import/include/ -
Microspyoft decided to retire Atom IDE, what a bullshit company, if you check their asses you will find them stinky as garbage because they only use toilet paper, I started to stop using their shit, any basic solution they offer to you that you might think 'Oh, that's the solution to rely on for a lifetime ' no man hold your excitements cause they are going to fuck your brain later, same as they will do with Windows10, suddenly the bunch of lazy asses decided 'actually let's create windows11, and stop supporting windows10 by 2025' Go to fuck yourselves bitches, I stopped using all your shit.16
-
First day of my first developer job is Monday. Oh shit. Nerves are starting to set in. What if I’m not good enough for the job? I mean I didn’t the coding assessment they wanted me to do. And passed. Which is why they gave me the job. But fuck man I’m nervous! I have never had a job like this before. And it’s remote after my first week. Oh shit.8
-
man, fuck php.
fuck fucking php fuckitily fucking hard.
basically every fuckin stdlib function it has is fucked in some way.
can't even remember it anymore properly, but...
for example:
explode(" ", "some string like this ");
function to "split a string into array of strings using the first param as the boundary marker.
the above one would return
["some", "string", "like", "this", ""]
BECAUSE I'M FUCKING FUCKITTY SURE THAT WHEN THE LAST CHARACTERS OF THE STRING ARE EQUAL TO THE SEPARATOR STRING, EVERYONE WANTS TO GET BACK ONE EXTRA FUCKING USELESS EMPTY ITEM IN THE ARRAY.
because beyond the last wall of my house, there's another room of my house, you stupid Lerdorf fuck.28 -
I don't understand Laravel...
I'm just a software undergrad in my final year. Coming from JS side of things (Express, NextJS), I find Laravel so complex, and maybe unnessecarily complex?
Like, when I wanna learn Laravel, I understand the MVC structure. However, going deeper into it, there are libraries/names like
1. Vagrant
2. Facade
3. Artisan
4. Guard
5. Gate
6. Policies
ALL OF THESE
WHICH I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT TIES TO THE FUCKING MVC STRUCTURE
I'm seriously giving up... My courses forces us to learn this framework, and I feel more and more inadequate because I have so many things to learn, including things for my FYP, which involves the use of NextJS. And can I mention HOW EASY AND MINIMALISTIC JS FRAMEWORKS ARE?
LIKE, I JUST WANNA MAKE A STUPID FUCKING APP MAN, WHY MUST I KNOW SHIT LIKE ARTISAN MAKE, WHAT THE FUCK VAGRANT IS, HOW GATES ARE RELATED TO POLICIES, HOW POLICIES RELATE TO VIEWS, WHY THE FUCK DOES FACADE EXIST, and other fucking stupid questions I need to ask in order to utilize Laravel correctly?
Don't even get me started on JETSTREAM, FORTIFY, LARAVEL/UI, BREEZE. Like, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU JUST HAVE ONE SINGLE PATTERN, AND THEN HAVE GOOD TUTORIALS RELATED TO THAT ONE SINGLE THING?
I don't know, am I just stupid? Looking at Laravel, I feel like my braincells die more and more looking at the words used, the unusual terms, and the pain that comes with trying to learn it, because I don't have time. I'm going to fucking fail this subject because I have too much other stuff in my life to learn about.
I'm fucking tired man...35 -
!dev
Man, fuck pollen
Tree pollen just exploded where I live. That means I'm gonna be miserable for the next few weeks. I'm talking runny nose, itchy eyes, head fog, the whole 9 yards.
Wish me luck and bring me antihistamines4 -
FUCK YES
The feeling when you and the DBA completely fix an issue that has been fucking up your users and that the third party vendors themselves couldn't fix on your own teamwork is so..... fucking... addicting.
Wrote an email to the hod to let us off a bit late tomorrow morning, least I can do for this fucking server admin, sql class A mastermind, Oracle fucking super pro.
I really pray for all of you mfkers to get the same type of coworker. this dude has taught me a lot and I really jump at the first opportunity I get to work with him. His accomplishments for the institution are many really, its just one of those happy bromances man.
I raise my beer mug, to the best fucking DBA i have ever worked with.
For my next trick, I am going to make sure the dude gets the position for the manager of his department as soon as the current dude retires (should be soon) a great man himself, but short on giving his dba the praise he deserves.
The previous manager of my departament told me "pay attention to <DBA NAME> he is your secret weapon and you will be his" and by heavens sweet momma was right. -
It takes me about 10 minuted to get into social media or any forum in which regular people can post shit and have a voice to wish for a plague or something.
Fuck man....starting to wish for a regulated internet. So much shit everywhere.7 -
Today, someone popular (ViGrey, @vigreytech) contacted me out of nowhere and offered to send me things.
Why?
I broke a project of his by talking in a Twitch chat during Airgap 2020.
Not to be rude to the man, he seems nice and this is a very kind thing to do, i'm very thankful, but this makes me simultaneously flattered as fuck and wary as fuck, as it's simultaneously flattering and suspicious. I'm a literal no one, and this is something that happens between popular people, not between a popular person and someone who is only remembered by alias by like 6 people.
I couldn't figure out how to respond for a while.9 -
Rant
Wtf are you taking man?
You’re supposed to be an experienced engineer but what the fuck are you doing leaking null pointer exceptions everywhere you go?
Just 1 more month. Good thing my manager isn’t renewing your contract.
Fuck!!!! -
I found out today that my company is going to make a huge deploy to implement non-binary genders on our platform, well, they see woman as 0 and man as 1 (insurance company), and they make calculations with the NUMBER, like, value = gender x risk.. The funny part is that this way to interpret gender is going to be awesome when the "2" be deployed, the non-binary genders.. well, fuck, all calculations will be refactored (20 years of development)4
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My boss is the king of creating ambiguous/generic trello cards and misinterpreting obvious client emails.
What the fuck man? Get your shit together!!2 -
This whole platform can be summarized as: "I have no clue what I am doing and now it's broken... man, fuck whoever created this shit..."4
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I try to do one thing, I try to make one thing a little better and the universe shovels shit in my face. I’m just trying fix all this old outdated shot and I keep getting shit on in so many ways. I’m trying so hard to not become a bitter angry old man but damn if I don’t understand the bitter angry old mans motives right now. Fuck this ongoing onslaught of crashes and shit shows.
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Took a task with 3 story points ( mappable to ~2-3days) and wondered why it was so much more than the estimation. I expected to finish in 2 to 2 1/2 days but needed 4. Afterwards I just realized that I accidentally did more then needed and finished two upcoming stories as well, each 2 SP so 7SP for everything.
Feeling jumped from "man I could be faster" to "man that was really fast".
It feels like a fuck up, however, it is victory1 -
Hello devRant!
Man its been a while, i havent logged in here in like 4 years.
Recently ive been getting into home-labbing, and i thought to myself
"all of these people on youtube/reddit run Plex on pre-built NASs that have awful celerons and whatnot, we can do much better!"
And by "much better" i meant a bare metal k8s cluster.
My hybris knows no bounds apparently.
Turns out this shit is quite hard.
Really gives u an appreciation of just how much stuff cloud providers magically abstract away....
My final goal is to run stableDiffusion on this thing, even know i know full-well the moment i try Nvidia will fuck me raw with some hidden enterprise subscrition :) -
So my manager mentioned off hand that we might look at updating our company website to look a little more modern...
Me being me jumped right into action and now that I've finished I remember why I haven't built my personal site.. Fuck static web pages man...
Don't know why I did this, not even happy with it but I think it'll do, CSS and HTML is messy but fuck it, it works...1 -
Fuck Airlines man !
I came 6hrs early to the airport as I had to check out from the hotel.
Then this ass airlines delays flight by 2hrs !
Luckily I have my laptop with me on this flight,sorted some work in the first 2 hrs, bt now I am fuckin done!
Aaaah ! Also the airport wifi is so shit,I can even do a google search properly!11 -
just as Erik Meijer said scrum is the most stupid shit in modern development process. I worked in an organization hires ppl as full time scrum master, which is joke. each day the asks what did u finished yesterday and how long it need to finish the task assigned to u. btw the scrum masters know nothing about programming. come on man how can u finish any serious shit in one day and who cares how much shit others finished. each week just attending those freaking meetings without coding. each programmer are assigned at least 5 bosses, and what the fuck is product manager doing, it's not adding indirection can solve anything.2
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Working on some 2 year old php code don't know who has written it.
Found a function with some 500 lines of code and there is 3 times MySQL connection is initiated overriding same fucking variable with hardcoded database parameters in all of them
What the fuck man😦😦😦
Plus I have just started revewing the code there are tons of files and everywhere connection is hardcoded.4 -
Integrating Google recaptcha into my web service. For some reason it always errors, both on a production and development environment, correct domains configured, and with he simplest setup. I'm fucking lost, documentation assumes it actually works. Similar errors on stack overflow and Google groups either got no answers or have obvious issues.
Fuck this man4 -
Why is it that clients that could afford my services ask for LESS revisions, but the clients that lowball me or like practically ask me to do their website for free feel OBLIGATED to like try their best to milk the shit out of my services HOLY FUCK man this whole month tired the shit out of me
AND IT'S ONLY AUGUST 32 -
When your up against a session issue and can't fucking work out why the session is lost, not one instance of the logout functionality is called and yet... the fucking thing decides to log you out anyway.
Now this was working all fine and dandy last week, and NOTHING has changed, as in not 1 fucking line of code for this process has been touched in 4 years.
It's like all of a sudden, Satan crawled out of this piece of shit site and decided I was to be toyed with.
As you can imagine, I'm a little pissed at this one, there's something hiding in the shadows fucking me in the ass.2 -
Never create a work around for assholes. It will eventually become their solution.
Man fuck this guy, this project is almost a year old and it was originally supposed to be a patch. But even with all my insisting, they never tried to move to the real solution.
Now this jackass brings it up and he's a hero, and I don't know what I'm doing. What a fucking way to start the week. -
I just spent 4 hours troubleshooting 2 pcs, neither of them working yet. I'm way too tired, and I'm not even sure what I'm saying is correct English but I don't care. Man, fuck my life. I just wanna go to bed, but my brain doesn't think that's a good idea1
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2023 After a big working day ! I just want to relax with an easy movie to watch
The movie
- Political
- overpower woman that spite on man
- the message
- remake, spin off
- predictable as fuck story line
- actors that have no fucking emotions
- plots twist predictable
- predictable boring scary jump
- watch it on netflix, disney+, Amazon prime, HBO, Crave, Helix, Tou.tv for only 25$ a month
- CGI are fucking ugly shit
- story incoherence
- movie are always politicly correct
- i see the camera man in the cars window is fucking obvious
- people working in movie are poor as fuck because shit actors want lot's and lot's of money
- lot of movie are make for the branding not the movie itself
- you notifications are more interesting than the movie itself
- you want to go to the theater... 99$ popcorn and M&M bag of 20 pieces
- kids want to listen something else
- woman want help with the dishes at 10 PM
- no more beer or chips
You know what ? I think i will go feed some duck 🦆 at the park next time7 -
Man slack is so evil and shit. They wont let you access conversion history without paid plan.WTF?!! That is so evil!
I hope they rot and die in hell. Fuck slack.11 -
Every fucking time I get an application for simple stuff like cleaning or weight measuring, and it asks me for completely unnecessary things like making an account and requesting access to my gps location, I look up the company and find out it's Chinese. What the fuck man.1
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Man, I sure am glad that FUCKING MOBILE SAFARI no longer obeys my viewport scale rules. It's really awesome how ALL of my projects now focus in on text inputs and then zoom so that the site feels broken after that when the user scrolls away. This was the last little bit of control we had to make our websites feel like apps. FUCK2
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Honestly stack overflow can be helpful but what's not helpful is when some unresponsive asshole puts your question on hold because you left out part of the problem but doesn't respond to you after you edited the post and fixed the questions problem. Like fuck am I ever gonna get it answered or do I have to wait for this fuck wad to say it's okay. At least with asking on reddit I get responses. Fuck man I'm probably just gonna repost.3
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After responding to that rant asking our ages I realised how much fucking time I have wasted. I'm not afraid of aging, but man, if I had started learning programming two or even one year ago I'd know so much more right now. But fuck, I've been procrastinating life for 21 years. 21 FUCKING YEARS!5
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My problem with referring to my github:
I just found a project from almost two years ago where I exclusively use unordered arrays of key/value pairs as dictionaries.
Man, fuck previous me.1 -
Python ecosystem drives me nuts!
Not the language tho, i kinda like it, and some features are damn straight awesome.
But ecosystem... man!
The way ppl write code in it, the lack of documentation (or in quality of it)...
I recently wanted to check how library does one thing (debug purposes), and not only i had to track some method up 3 classes, the other method i hunted only by signature and still i have no idea how it ends up being accessible where it should...
"Explicit is better than implicit" my ass...
Also dev managed to make the code very unreadable. In Python. Language with such strong opinions about code formatting. HOW ?!!
And the worst part is, it wasn't that big of a library and didn't really need the full freaking Enterprise OOP treatment with layers over layers of generally named classes and fucked up architecture.
FUCK THAT LIB, FUCK THAT DEV, FUCK IT ALL !!!
PS.
Project seems to be abandoned for a year or two, so there is hardly an option to fix things with the author sadly :(3 -
Last internship : I learned modern opengl, libav and ffmpeg. I even was the only dev on some big contracts. Was a fucking cool internship because I learned everything I wanted to. But my manager had really low social skills. So been able to teach myself all of that was a good thing for everybody, but not for him. When the internship was over I got the worst mark of my promotion for the business with for comment that I didn't enough ask for help Oo wtf dude. Still get the best final markof the promotion and the only one who didn't work on web technologies :p but fuck you should have tell me sooner man...2
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I'm doing a code review on a huge feature, basically touching every part of our authorization logic, and man... It's like my colleague writes his code to be as hard to read as possible. He's 60+ and you'd think he'd have learned how to write good and clear code, but nope. "Let's make it cool cool and I look like I'm a genius. And if I can spend 3 keystrokes less on a function I'm happy". Fuck me.
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IDK man, it took me a while to finally learn iptables and now switch to firewalld? Oh come on. It's not that I'm against learning new things, no. It's just that firewalld looks a bit.. crappy. If I get a server provisioned and run
firewall-cmd --add-port=53/udp --permanent
firewall-cmd --reload
and I get my ssh connection killed that's no good news, no sir! I mean come on, how can I rely on a tool this critical when a single line in its config file can make my machine inaccessible. Even better -- this config file is managed by that tool entirely!!! My commands passed all the tool's checks and they worked, but when I wanted to make those commands permanent and reload state from the config -- the tool starts spitting bile and blood and says "fuck off, it's my server now!"
IDK man.. It's just way too fishy. The good ol' iptables works very well and I'm kicking its retard younger brother out of the server.
shoosh you dirty pig firewalld, shoosh!6 -
I hate how the world works sometimes, get a potential chance to work in my dream job after having no contact from any other workplaces and boom, as soon as I might be on the right track I get offered a full time position as a level 1 help desk technician... Fuck3
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Meh-man has an interview later.
Meh-man is in a very rut and shitty mood since Monday.
Meh-man feels like he should care, but fuck everything.
Meh-man feels meh.7 -
Oh man, stands out first in my memory. Was going ok until my original boss got transferred in to another department... The first replacement was one of our HR managers 🤔
The person she then made as similar to a team lead had issues with me when I had just a bit of a different perspective about a problem to solve - I soon found myself in technical support. Go figure...
I'll never forget what one of the directors said to me a little while after they shifted me:
"Not everyone can do what they want to do if they are not good at it..." I look back on that heart breaking moment and say with pride: FUCK, YOU.3 -
One of the devs, when ever he sneezes reauested we dont say "bless you" but "fuck your life".
I had to laugh, man it's a good time to be alive -
Do you ever just have a hundred different people asking you a hundred different questions about a hundred different things at a hundred different times of the day?
Fuck man I can't get ANYTHING done, and all my answers to people feel inadequate (quantity over quality). Maybe I shouldn't have decided to help work on so many different codebases. -
Me: fuck man there are a shitload of ants crawling around my monitor wtf I don't even know where they are coming from.
Lead: *from his desk at the other side*: they are coming from the other side.
Hijoeputa que me vienes jodiendo la madre otra vez COÑO pero si como jodes COÑOOOOOOOOOO whshaisiwjsiwhwisidh dhdj#&#&@^#^@^#2 -
What the Fuck!!!!!
Within next 3 days my Release date was set. I was to join a new company. My current fucking manager screwed things by postponing my release date because the new replacement they hired had not totally understood the project. Well, who the fuck told you to hire literally few days away from my release. My manager expects that the new resource learn everything I know. Fuck off man, I cannot spoon feed a person on everything.1 -
Just purchased a new domain and decided to once again design my website personally (Fuck wordpress man) but...
I absolutely hate working with HTML and JS at the same time (I actually love JS on its own), its like bloody Stockholm syndrome!
HTML may beat me senseless.. But i love it too much to stop!1 -
Stuck in writing some e2e tests for 15 hrs. Decided to say fuck it and go to bed only to wake up and solve the problem in 15 mins. Again sleep is the best debugger man 15 hrs is alot of hours staring at a damn screen.2
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God damn the last few days:
JUST give me some modular-ish code that is a bit more explicit and doesn't measure every fucking thing over and over.
Like I get how taking a couple .lenght and a bunch of other variables adds up to "Make a meat lovers pizza".
But fuck man when the code goes all over the place just give me a block of code that measures all that shit in ONE PLACE a god damn pizzType variable that I can use elsewhere and just fucking know what is going on.
Every damn corner becomes this maze of measurements that you cant be sure is exactly the same unless you fucking watch every damn variable, I get how that happens but god damn.2 -
> client has no infrastructure of the project
> dev like me still work on it
> I constantly request for mock-ups and infrastructure
> client never responds back, instead he raises issues ahead of sprint
> I snap back at him
> Client wants call now
> What the fuck
To be honest, I'm gonna take a stand here...fuck this shit man, no clear way of working
2 -
When the office is melting in the heat and it takes the air conditioners hours to cool the air to proper temperatures, then comes a scumbag colleague, who eats the smelliest food possible out there! Fuck you, man, fuck you!2
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man... fuck java's approach to lambda expressions and like passing functions as arguments and the lot.
it's honestly just so terribly bad. it's sucks so much.26 -
TL;DR Asus is a scumbag company when it comes to software.
I love Asus, they make awesome hardware but man do they blow ass when it comes to software and their customer support. They had perfectly working Link To MyAsus app (on Windows and Android) but no no no, we have to release updates and break this shit. Now I cannot use my phone as a webcam.
Fuck this shit.5 -
Wrote a detailed spec, costed and agreed. Meanwhile client and designer agree upon half baked designs that only vaguely resemble the spec. Don't worry though, I have balls. I'm not a yes man. Will put them both straight (again) on how the fuck we do things if it involves me, incompetent twats. Will soon be calling the shots again. Ha ha, it's either that or I fucking walk.
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You come to me to seek help to clean your mess **YOU** did to someone and If I fix it, it's you who fixed it or else I'm your fallback guy, *claps*
You fucking moron, I was your fallback guy ever since we met, I treat you as a friend, ask to meet unconditionally and all you've ever done to me is to fix Windows installation. FUCK YOU MAN2 -
Put this as a comment but felt that it needed a post of its own.
I ducking love my fuck (see what I did there ;P) He my little coding buddy, I gave him a little back story and everything.
This is Francis (although he insists its Frankie) He transpecied (a duck in a penguins body) so he always has a "short-man complex" little attitude all the time (unless its because he never gets a word in before I figure out the bug myself =S )
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In times like these I really understand the purpose of devrant. I reached a point where I am so stressed out that it affects my phisical health. And man does it do well to have a place to leave out all the shouting and "FUCK" 's. Also, I hope this one guy dies in a car accident but I would feel sorry for the car.
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>finally gets around to installing vsftpd on home server RPi
>doesn't work
hmm.mp2
>configurating
>confusing as fuck template documentation
>man page isn't much better
>gets it working
>goes to log in
User: pi
Password: a
(What? It's a home file/command server isolated from the Internet. Sue me.)
nope.avi
>why
>tries again
nope.svg
>FUCK
>sees small raw-command log in bottom-right of phone FTP client
hmm.flac
>tries again, watches log
PASS *****
>the fuck
>goes to change user pass over SSH
# passwd
"Current password?"
about half a second later
"passwd: auth token manipulation denied"
>the delay tho
>WAIT A SECOND
one time i got past some parental software bullshit on a tablet by abusing the delay between opening a banned app and the redirect to the normal software at like age 7. (Doing so let me enable remote wipe through Google. bye bye software!)
>*inner 7 year old has autistic screech*
# nano temp
a
abcdefghi
abcdefghi
^O Y ^X
# passwd < temp
>fucking works
>logs in to FTP server successfully
>does the one file download that was needed
why and how did that fucking work -
Just fuck the layout preview render errors that randomly happen almost every day and have to restart the fucking IDE.
Just fuck man. -
Sometimes I really have a feeling that God invented Jira to punish me
I really hate it . It's like working with an OCD and sinile old man .
More over this Jira comes with Entourage of duchbags that suppose to support it, but are stupid as fuck.13 -
Applied for a research intern, talked about their research and my current project for 10 minutes, then started a fucking coding interview, which I couldn’t solve cuz I’m dumb
But man, this is a research position, and our work were so close wtf?
Got rejection this morning, fuck the coding interview8 -
Clearing up my schedule, just got an 18 page resume for the position of mobile lead...
Thanks man I am gonna "read" the whole thing ...Fuck no I did not even read beyond first 4 lines...I got shit to do...like ranting about it...5 -
what the mothetfucking fucked fuck of a fucking shit is going on man!!!!?!
FUCK YOU BOOTSTRAP!!!!!
on codepen i just deleted the bootstrap build in, but i had a cdn link in header... i tried different links now and other stuff BUT MY SITE LOOKS NOW UGLY AS SHIT AND I DONT GET OLD SITE BACK FUFUUUUUUUUUJUUUUU
.. spent so many hours in it i was so proud
FUCK YOU SON OF A MOTHRRFUCKING BOOTSTRAP BITCH😠😠😠😠😠1 -
Not really documentation, but actually the user manual for a corporate online ebanking system for dealing with EPF/ETF. The instructions were very very vague, and when we called the bank for clarification, they said that some of the stuff in the manual was outdated/not relevant anymore. Like what the fuck man?
-
Fuck me man this is the second time this week! Planning on going fully to Ubuntu mint.... But I'm not sure if that's the best solution for me
Need a good distro for web development
(php, mysql, Javascript) any other recommendations or should I stick to mint?
13 -
Had a four hour retro/review yesterday. Plus a mini demo I had to put together. Three hour sprint planning session today.
And they still wanted me to go to some "company values" meeting tomorrow, aside from the weekly call I have to report progress. Fuck that shit.
I feel like I got nothing done this week. Monday and Tuesday were fine for the most part, but since it's been just complete idling.
I mean, I love my company, great coworkers, good management, and just all around great experience. But man, it gets frustrating when you lose so much development time... I wanted to sprinkle in some extra goodies for the next sprint, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.2 -
"uhhh, whenever I want to install something on windows, it works unlike x"
MAN GO FUCK YOURSELF.
WINDOWS STOPS WORKING RANDOMLY. SOME APPLICATIONS ARE JUST PEW GONE.
YESTERDAY, I COULD PLAY LOL. TODAY, I NEED TO SPEND HOURS TRYING TO FIX IT.
"JUST REINSTALL"
YOU STUPID SACK OF SHIT, DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I REINSTALLED WINDOWS?
DOTA IS BETTER
yeah, maybe. 2hard for me tho3 -
Me : .. but sir without sass/js compiled, how can we address the issue?
Boss : that is not an issue, issue is with on approach we have taken?
You sick fuck, you take other developers un-finished work, expect me to finish it (which it did) and when the other developer is not smart enough to copy paste the solution, you give an "update" to me, I mean how the fuck, what ever..
I really really put efforts to make this shit happen, I know very little about your commerce cloud shit, but when you question my logic on basis of someone who will pay you to finish her work, it is very unethical and hard to swallow it down.
Maybe this is my first real job, that is why this is so hard, but I gotta do what I gotta do -
Team had to solve a ticket from QA...we had no idea how long it would take so we estimated 6 man-days to fix it (being optimistic). After 2 days we had found the issue which had already been solved on another branch... time well spent and thank you for merging!!! Fuck you!3
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Right now I'm standing in this Apple Reseller store waiting in the line and there's an old man who doesn't understand a fuck of his iPhone, and it turns out it's about setting up his fucksucking mail! I'm waiting for half an hour already, am so fucking done with this.
There's also this useless shit of an "Apple Expert" employee who doesn't do a thing. He constantly walks through the store very nervous and I'm getting fucking sick of this guy...2 -
!rant
My family has been very supportive, but mostly ignorant about my journey to software development, and tolerant of all of my fuck-ups along the way.
Yet they don't dare to even think to know what I am doing, because every time they asked me, no matter how well I explained, they never got any of the intricate parts of software development.
They know I make software. They know about the usual stress that comes from organizing projects, planning, maintaining infrastructure, but to them, it's as if I build buildings or I'm like a single-man conveyor that creates cars. It makes sense, and they will never understand how I do it, and they don't care. -
I fucking hate how every Instagram username I want is fucking taken by inactive accounts.
Obviously, I want stuxnet - 2 posts from like 2014 and 0 follows/followers.
Ok well let's try stux since it's a bad ass 4 letter handle - again, no posts in months.
Like fuck me man. Insta should clean up inactive accounts and free the usernames so they're up for grabs again.10 -
Fuck ticketing systems man.. jumped from a good job that i previously thought was going to be a deadend and jobhopped to a new one with a significant salary increase. Problem is that The stress levels increased 5x, and there’s significant rush to complete tasks that have sub optimal descriptions to put it nicely. The problem with that is that the lead doesn’t have enough time to properly write them and catching him during work hours for him to explain them is sometimes impossible. Sitting in limbo with 4-5 tickets open, all of them with high priority and stresing the fuck out.7
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Ugh, fuck man. I had planned an extremely general function for printing a truth table for a given proposition for a course, with a little functional programming thrown in. Instead, we are just supposed to show all 2^8 possible truth tables for 3 variables. That's eight nested loops with a hardcoded string that you inject the 8 values in.
I feel so disappointed1 -
You know what I hate? The periods close to a new release. It's that annoying time that managers start heaving impatiently to developers: "Push out new hotfixes! Push out new hotfixes!". Fuck you, man. Don't stress a developer. Kthx. If you think developing is so easy, come do it yourself, you IT-ignorant buffoon.1
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I thought it would be nice of me to take my fellow Developers for lunch. One of them is total bitch. She ate almost all my fries that I ordered. She ordered Chicken Chopsuey and was not able to that much because had to much fries.
Fuck man!6 -
The problem about being a programmer:
My roommate: "Bro if you're going to the market buy 1 bottle of milk. If they have eggs, bring 6."
I came back with 6 bottles of milk.
Roommate:" Wtf man. Why did you buy 6 bottles of milk."
.
.
.
Well fuck.
:/1 -
Fuck man! Let ME communicate with the other devs who worked on this project. I know you mean well, but when you can't remember the difference between Java and JavaScript, you aren't going to be able to effectively communicate technical details back and forth.
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!dev at all, but I just had to share it with someone. I know I'm quite late to the party here, but hey, I might not be the only one walking in darkness here...
Anyway! I just came over this cover of Sound of Silence by Disturbed. It fucking floored me! How the fuck is a man supposed to keep up his dogma induced stonewall when someone creates something so fucking beautiful? This cover is truly an epic recording of what was already an amazing song, but not something you'd play on repeat.
Add some metal to the mix and man...! I can't hear it enough... Drives the wife crazy :D
Enjoy!
https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4
PS! Do watch the video, crank up the volume and relax. Oh, and use real speakers or a decent headset at least somewhat capable of tickling your spine :P -
Ryan Dahl working on Deno is one of the current interesting projects that I have been following.
Initially, the dude was trying to use Golang and is currently migrating to cpp and rust since Golang is a gc language. Nothing wrong with that really. I am just excited to see what this man comes up, and Typescript as the main language? Fuck yeah.
This shit js gonna be bomb af. Happy to see him talk to openly about his flaws when building Node, which was still a massive success and a true game changer for a lot of people(me included) and I believe that Deno will repeat this. It already has 24k stars on Github and tracking the repo has become very interesting! I just wish i had the cpp/rust knowledge needed to help out with it.3 -
Man, I fucking hate browsers. Some of them move at a snails pace when it comes to APIs, and polyfills and bloated frameworks pop up to work around it.
I know it's pretty much impossible, but get together and actually implement the features you're missing from each other, fuck. -
(imagine all of this said in Undoomed's "hey moron" tone)
Hey, moron, fuckin moron! How about if you're a noob with no actual programmer on your side, you just tell me so we can work it out together, instead of sending a moronic 4page "acceptance criteria" that pretend you know what you're talking about, and then bury me under loads of moronic noob questions that reveal you as thenmoron you are, all of that for a fuckin 50 quid?! I thought it's me being an idiot, not being able to do the task within two days timeframe, but now I see you're just too much of a moron to have any idea how much these things take. And now you nonchalantly mention a one-line one point from the four page document full of drivel, which (loads of moronism credit for me here) i didn't notice amongst all of that other mundane drivel, which actually like doubles the whole workload on the task, but your moronic document, which makes 3 parts of the same algorithm into three separate MILESTONES, makes this whole thing that nearly DOUBLES the workload into a shitty SEVENTH SUBPOINT of the completely unrelated first "milestone"?
FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID ROBBERY CHEAPFUCK, and fuck me for letting myself be tricked by all your fancy wordings that pretend you actually know what the fuck you are asking for, so i assumed you did, so I missed THE POINT, WHICH ACCORDING TO THE SEGMENTATION LOGIC OF THE WHOLE REST OF THE DOCUMENT SHOULD BE 3 SEPARATE FULL-SIZED MILESTONES, NOT A SINGLE SUBPOINT, YOU FUCKING FUCK!
... so much for still trying to at least a bit trust people.
FUCKING DISGUSTING MORONIC CHEAPSKATE FUCK.
and I can't even tell him to fuck off through the rectum he came here because he's all nice and polite so I would be the asshole!
"hey, please, can you build me a house?"
*house is basically finished*
"oh, great job, i love it, but i think you might have missed the fineprint in our contract that says that the house is supposed to stand inside an entry hall of a multibillionaire-sized mansion, so could we please sort that out and add it to the building real quick before i pay you the toolshed's worth we agreed on based on the contract? "
FUCK. HIM.
FUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKSHITFUCKERYFUCKDISGUSTINGIDIOTICFUCKINGFUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!
i thought i can be a shitty liar and a con man, but this is some next level shit that would be totally beyond my abilities to pull off...
YES I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT I DIDN'T COMB THROUGH THAT BULLSIT "SPECS" OF HIS LETTER BY LETTER TO MAKE SURE THERE'S NO CON BULLSHIT LIKE THIS HIDDEN AMONGST ALL OF THAT MUNDANE SELF-EVIDENT PSEUDO-TECHNICAL DRIVEL, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
fucking disgusting moron, pretending all nice and innocent probably even to himself because he HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT HE EVEN ASKS FOR.
i bet it's one of those pukefucks who get an overpriced contract for 50k without even knowing or caring what programming is, because "i'll just outsource the core functionality of the app for 50 quid to some naiive idiot who lives in the illusion that people are not diarrhorea-worthy pieces of feces, and this other third of the app to some other moron for hundred quid and then i somehow outsource gluing it together to some third poor sod, and that's 49.8k quid of pure profit for me, yay"
and now i'm torn between three options, just cancelling the "contract" with a comment saying "fuck off, you con man", or cancelling it with a lengthy explanation why he's a know-nothing piece of shit who conned me already into having done something worth about 5x more than his shitty "acceptance criteria" requests, or just start conning and bulshitting him back, which won't net me any money, and waste my time, but at least will also waste HIS time, which might be nice because he seems to be on a tight schedule so if i play this right i might have the chance to sink his whole contract which might be mighty nice satisfying...
FUCK THIS, ALL OF THIS, FUCK HIM, FUCK ME, FUCK ALL OF YOU, I SHOULD HAVE STARTED FUCKING OVER EVERYONE RUTHLESSLY A LONG TIME AGO BECAUSE FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD, WHY SHOULD I CARE WHEN NOBODY ELSE DOES, WHY SHOULD I BE DECENT WHEN NOBODY ELSE IS, AND IT ONLY ROYALLY BITES ME IN THE ASS.
stupid fucking lobotomized fuck, IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO SOMETHING, DON'T OFFER YOURSELF TO DO IT FOR MONEY AND THEN CON-SOURCE IT TO OTHERS YOU SHITTY BARFPILE!
FUCK. -
Ok being a developer and a technical assistant at the same time
Yesterday was out in the field we where fixing network at one insurance company and extending telephone line to of the offices....man what a labor intense job....
we had to drill a whole on one of those metal trunking.... man those fuckers are hard as fuck
having had spent the whole fucking day out the office i get a call saying 1 of the laptops at the office didnt have OS installed and one had a defected screen and they where in stock
and Im supposed to be checking these laptops when they come before going into stock
and Im like WTF!!??? confused and shit + being tired
got back to the office and fuck it was a shit show
the whole technical department got fucked over this and Up to now I have no fucking idea how those laptops got into stock and we missed it
My only answer is they never came for checking and if you try to air that out they will say you are try to blame some1 else for the fuck up and FUCK it
We had to write reports this morning me had 2 from the tender issue
fuck this
fuck this
fuck this fucking shity place -
In my head: Look man, I'm not saying you're lying. I just need examples of these reported failures. Call times, caller IDs, etc. I am trying to track this issue for you, but we've had no failures, and the call samples you provided show that the calls went through. We've tested the calls and they went through. You tested the call with your cell and it went through. Can you please provide examples of failures? That's what I need to help you. I'm not calling you a liar. Oh, and by the way, GO FUCK YOURSELF!
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What the fuck man?!
Amazon did remove Scrubs from german Prime.
The fuck am I supposed to binge on end now?!3 -
Wah wah wah, my teacher is yelling at me because I wasn't allowed to use my fancy Pant tech instead of what was required because I think it's shit but never bothered to ask for permission beforehand and now I'm bitching about it on here.
Man, eat a bag of dicks. You didn't do what was required, without coordinating with your teacher.
And you think their way of doing shit is retarded? That's essentially every other customer you'll ever have. Grow the fuck up.1 -
My most hated term BY FAR is "In theory". It's a lousy-ass, weak excuse for not doing shit properly while distancing yourself from the problem. Short guide: "in theory" may be used prior to or following a statement in which you have little or no confidence in.
The web server shouldn't reach the database server "in theory", it fucking does or doesn't. The SQL cluster shouldn't "in theory" fail over to a working server in case of a hardware fault. Fuck off with your irresponsibility, man up and do things properly. This is the real world, not a sandbox for your shitty dorm room code1 -
Man I really don’t like component libraries... perhaps there’s some thought out libs out there. But so far it’s been as if I were to build a bridge with a bunch of “reusable” parts but no one knows what the fuck they may be meant to do so no one bothered to account for anything and didn’t even fit screw holes or something.
So now I have to weld and screw everything together with fucking JavaScript in 10x the time it would have taken me to build the part myself.4 -
So it me again and loviing my life at this tech startup..... i feel like I'm actually achieving something thogh at a slow pace
I know i can give out more to this startup.....but there is this 1 manager in our technical department......FUCK the old man thinks he knows everything and so damn arrogant.... at one time he made a fucking simple error which was fucking obvius but the man you cant tell him anything
if anything goes wrong or if anything isnt working the FUCKING old man is quick to throw the blame on people which i feel isnt supposed to be a mind set of some1 in the technical department..... I get it yes sometimes it will be the person making errors but even when you do it right and its not coming out as its supposed to be the damn OLD FUCKING MAN says you are doing it wrong.....then he steps in and bang....it fels and he'll be like "WHAT? HOW WHATS GOING ON...."
and me silently will be like MAKE IT WORK FUCKING OLD GENIUS
I cant even bring in new ideas and systems into the company......hell be like WE ALREADY HAVE SYSTEMS IN PLACE.... guess what..... no fucking system is being used -
I'm in my final year of high school, 17 years old, hoping to go to TAFE to do a coding course. I've done some HTML, CSS and Java at school and I only really know the basics of them all. I've been learning python in my free time and fuck man is it confusing. I love coding but it's so confusing at times, I really need some words of encouragement. Thanks guys :)4
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Make an Async task (Java) and...
DONT use a loop to iterate though a time series collection. Don't linear search that shit.
DO use a queue and pop() it like its hot. Check that shit to see when it needs to be used instead of searching.
DO assert that your time series data is in order (Predication mother fucker).
DO throw an exception that you data is all fucked when it's all fuck up.
Stay sexy and use a fucking queue man.5 -
so one time (yesterday), I was playing phantom forces console edition (a game on Roblox) and this IDIOT started sweating with a ppsh-41, I was so pissed and angry so I started using the Beowulf ECR and I was losing, my team was losing super badly. Until the match switched to Warehouse, when it switched to Warehouse, I beat his ass like a drum. I got a 3.14 KD, 22-7.
He sucked and deserved to take that L, fuck that man. -
Went for an internship interview today
Interviewers= tell us a little about yourself
Me thinking haha I can mention the time I took a 300 level course in my freshman year (have ranted about this) and show them I can take up a challenge = I'm known in my batch for not making smart decisions
Interviewers = sarcastic clap
What the actual fuck,no why why would I even start off like this fucking shit what even am I stupid what even. Great job man great job.3 -
It took 8 million years for a monkey to evolve into a man. But still, a monkey went to space before a man.
-The Internet2 -
Well was my last day at my old school for this contract and I already miss being there...
Fuck 3 week contracts man. -
What are some other cool jobs I can do in tech besides code?
I am hating development and the mass confusion.
backbone.radio is a node
package but ALSO and actual application for internet radio like real radio.
Is in the backbone.js documentation...NO!
It on the marionette documentation which is built on backbone.
Guess what’s hard to search for?
Fuck it man😵9 -
Aaaaw, man, feels good writing some macros!
129 loc turned 30 😱
---
and when I keep it all primitives I get instant feedback on what the fuck my code really looks like2 -
Fuck Android development tools! What the fucking hell man?! I can't setup and run a simple hello world app!! And that's not the first time. I have tried this on multiple occasions throughout the years and always failed. Non-matching? multiple versions of build-tools, platforms, platform-tools, cmdline-tools, system-images, ... and binaries moving from folder to another between updates and Java, oh don't get me started on Java. I'm too old for this stuff.3
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Any people around with experience developing for Google home/assistant.
Currently distracted by a headache and procrastinating on the couch watching Netflix. And I was wondering if I could develop an app that would pause my Netflix and tell me to fucking man up and get to work.
Maybe also one to get me out of bed, Google knows when I'm awake since whenever I'm awake I'm using a Google product. So no more snoozing just a swearing Google speaker that tells me to get the fuck out of bed. And won't stop unless I'm active.2 -
People who have seem my rants know am a calm person.. But watch out for what's coming next:
AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH !FUCK YOU STUPID CHEAP PHONE!!
was coming home after tiring college exam, thankfully got my spirits uplifted coz of my crush's message...
So , we were chatting, i was having fun flirting with my little cuteness nd was telling her some tale about how me nd friends were partying some day....
She was so into it and was getting into her naughty mode when suddenly this asshole went off... Had got 15% notification just a second ago, thought "yeah i have some time to connect" but this shit went out from 15 to 1 in a matter of seconds!!!?!, nd that too without notifs.
Fuck man, i lost such a nice moment today X(
(Ps: am using this shit micromax phn just because my old phn is at service center) -
Co-worker: I started having this issue like two weeks ago.
Me: Two weeks ago? Why are you only telling me now?
Co-worker: I dunno. I just stopped using <program> and worked around it.
Me: Thanks for the notice, man. That helped me tremendously /s -_-
FUCKING PUT IN A TICKRT OR TELL ME THAT THERE IS AN ISSUE. -
man if i could figure out how to do stuff and had the money to do stuff i'd be dangerous as fuck, but as of now i can only posit questions... it sucks.
Examples:
- What do modern browsers/crawlers do when hit with, say, an "HTTP 450 Blocked by Windows Parental Controls" or an "HTTP 374" status code?
- What happens if I do <xyz minor edge case thing> on <system?> (just use your imagination, this happens for every edge case i can think of for every system and the list wouldn't fit in a few megs' worth of half-byte ASCII, much less *here*)
- What if I made like a board to fuck with busses while systems were on? Press a button and for like five bus clock cycles pins like 6 and 7 are shorted? That sort of thing. As for system/bus types, *literally any* (old consoles with expansion ports, PCI/-e/-X/whatever, southbridge, etc.)
- What if I did <filetype> shenanigans by doing <something indescribably horrible> to this file? How do things react?3 -
Can someone explain why THE FUCK JASIG CAS HAS AN ALMOST NON EXISTING DOCUMENTATION AND THE ONE THAT EXISTS DOES NOT WORK??? FUCKING CAS MAN!!
Oooof... I feel calmer already -
!rant
Just found my first piece of code I wrote 12 years ago, back then OOP was still the thing, man I literally fucked up everything you could fuck up about shared state. Why exactly have we never found a solution for that shit? -
Altera Quartus II. Fuck it. Fuck its licensing, its installation script, and its humongous size!!!
Seriously! It's almost impossible to install it properly on Linux in one go! 😠
And "Aborted. The application will now exit". Well, thank you my good man, for the fucking helpful error message!!! Go screw yourself!
Also, first post ^^ -
AoC 8b teaches the importance of looking at your data to simplify your solution by simply not supporting inputs that are difficult and don't appear in your sample.
Man, fuck is this noise.
In other news, I caught up to AoC.1 -
In Visual Studio 2017, when an error occurs and you hover your cursor over it, you cannot copy the fucking error to do a Google Search. Who was the idiot that didn't think this through?
The ONLY way is to go to the separate Error List in the bottom, and even then I can only copy all or nothing.
Man, fuck Unity for not having a better default IDE already...1 -
Python - I am cool, I fuck well
C++ - I am old, but I fuck fast. Get lost kid.
Python runtime sucks man !8 -
Fuck its le craxy bean man monster fuck dude shit fuck my pants i mean pls no but go away bwan man monster bubbbbbbs dsmdlkdbs :'(((((((((-(((-(-(-(-(-?-?-?
peace *@*
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