25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often

(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))

1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room

(Years ago)

Me: I just found out, "Co-worker X" is making 15% more than me, despite him being a shitty developer and putting us 2 weeks behind schedule? Not fair. I did about 70% of the work on this project. I want a raise of 30% to make me feel appreciated at least.

Boss: Well, unlike you, he's already finished college and has a degree in software engineering. It's a company thing to base salaries on educational attainment.

Me: I have two weeks left on my contract, after that I'm gone. I hope his degree will help you meet the deadline.

* Product was delivered two months late, buggy as hell and the company faced penalties and other crap.

Coworker wrote a nice package and put it on Github, to share with other departments.

I link his package on our company Slack, mentioning a team, with text "What do you think of this one? Is it usable for you guys?"

Next thing I know I have to explain to an executive why I'm "posting pictures of seductive cartoon girls in company chat with disrespectful commentary"

It linked the Github profile picture of the developer in Slack. A fully clothed anime girl, nothing particularly lewd about it.

But I like stabbing back a bit, and confusing the fuck out of people in suits:

"Hate to say it, but a good majority of all the code the company runs on, is written by people known as weebs, who use their so called waifus as their GitHub profile picture. It is very common for open source Javascript packages, but since we recruited 50 extra devs it now also happens internally. It's not my thing either sir, but I'm afraid we have to embrace it... "

"But what about our female devs? What about Joanna, she's in your team? We have to think of diversity! Our investors are really in to diversity, we can't have a bro culture!"

"Sir, with all due respect, we have super diverse teams without even trying. The problem is... they're all millennials. They grew up on weird memes... and are probably ten steps further in embracing diversity compared to the rest of the company."

"Also, Joanna is the one who drew this particular picture. She's charging a €15 commission for profile pictures... Do you want one of your fursona, sir?"

"What is that?"

"Uh... nevermind. Let's... let's not go there"

My 7 year old sister: Why do you always use the duck? Go on google.

Me: Because Google spies on you.

Sister: How??

Me: *too tired to explain* by magic. Whatever you go on, they'll know.

Sister: *shocked expression* WHAT? *proceeds to ask a million questions.*

Sister: What do I do now?

Me: Use the duck (she calls ddg "the duck.")

Then a few hours later, I saw her playing Y8 on DuckDuckGo. I'm so proud of her. :)

Now if only I can convince my 15 year old little brother to do the same thing. He doesn't seem to care at all.

*Romantic candlelit dinner*

GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"

Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"

My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*

GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"

Me: *blinks in awe*

Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate

Somehow I feel like I personally owe Linus for git.

17:50 Colleague whispers "fuck" and the entire project we've worked on for the last half year responds with 404.

17:55 A quick diagnosis shows that she wrote "rm - rf ../" instead of "./" when she threw out her staging dir an thereby deleted everything.

17:58 git pull, everything is back.

18:15 everything is configured and we're up and running again.

**Alternative Timeline without Version control **

17:58 We start looking through Backup folders

18:20 We're fairly confident to have found the most up to date Backup in /var/backup/newback/v2/june/new/released/ and start copying back into the project directory.

19:30 Some files are missing we start patching shit up.

19:40 I realize how much work went down the drain and start strangling my colleague. The Api seems to do the most important things again.

20:00 My colleagues dead body is hidden and I'm 80% confident that the tasks depending on us should run.

Next day: They didn't run. Every nightly build failed, nobody can do anything useful.

A week later : Shits starting to work again, all lost files are replaced. Replacement for dead colleague still missing though.

It's moments like this that make you really appreciate the luxurys we have nowadays...

*On a programming support forum*

Guy: My compiler keeps throwing null pointer exception at line 128.
Me: Ok. Can you post your code real quick so I could figure out what is null at line 128?
Guy: No I'm not going to show my code to someone on the internet. What if you want to steal my code?
My mind: "Dude wtf why would I steal someone's code on a support forum?"
Me: *Use the next 15 minutes explaining that showing the code is necessary so that others can actually help him, and that no one on a support forum is going to steal his code.*
Guy: "You know what I'm more convinced that you want to copy my code. I might as well just try to fix this on my own."

What?

Not my mom, but my wife's whole family. I'm a software developer.

So we're invited to her grandmother's 85th birthday celebration with pretty much every family member they could think to invite. 100+ people, and we all sit down in a circle in a huge room to watch a video that my wife's father and aunts/uncles put together.

They start the video and there's no sound. I'm a software developer, so I'm not an expert in hardware issues. I try to turn invisible, because every tech person knows what comes next, and this is in the center of a room of people I don't know.

After about 15 minutes of people struggling to get the audio working, one of the people remembers I "work with computer". Soon I have a dozen people calling me to the center of the room.

I begrudgingly make my way to the computer and projector. Upon inspection, I find that the computer is connected via VGA to the projector.

Me: "This cable only carries video. You need a different kind of cable, or you can hook up an AUX cable--the kind you use for headphones."
Other Guy: "I used this cable earlier and the audio was working."
Me: "...that's weird. Well, can we try plugging in an AUX cable?"
Yet Another Guy: "Will this help?" Holds up an HDMI cable
Me: "Oh, yeah! That should do it."
Other Guy: "I tried plugging that in, but it didn't change anything."
Me: "Hmmm..." Quickly unplug VGA and plug in HDMI, then click play.

The sound comes out in its full cheesy music glory. Everybody cheers, and I walk back to my seat. Throughout the rest of party, I'm approached by various other family members who ask me if I can fix X since I'm a "computer guy". Isn't it great to work in tech?

As usual, I woke up at 6, got ready and did all my usual stuff.

Then at 6:15 I was beautifying my Python script because the code was unattractive.

I swear it took 5 minutes! No more than five minutes, but when I checked the time it was 7:10! Why must this happen all the time?

It's just like when I'm sleeping. I'll wake up, close my eyes for two seconds, and then it's magically been an hour.

Was at my sisters place a little ago and somehow we came at the subject of her laptop.
For everyone who thinks I'm posting this solely to hate on windows, I'm not. This really happened and if you don't believe it, well, so be it, I guess.
Also keep in mind that's she's using a stock version without anything except for word and itunes installed.

She got it a couple of years ago and I dual booted it for her (windows + ubuntu). I fully expected her to use windows because of office and outlook etc.

Asked her anyways:

Me: So, you've got dual boot, although I think already know the answer, what system do you use mostly? (I didn't even consider that there was a possibility that the answer would be ubuntu or linux)
Sister: Ubuntu!
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: 😵
Me: Sorry, what? You're not using windows as primary system?!
Sister: No. It at first takes that motherfucking system about 5 minutes to reach the FUCKING LOGIN SCREEN.
Me: Ow, that's bad :/
Me: *turns laptop on and indeed, it takes a fuckton of time*
Me: Is the password still the same as when I set it up for you?
Sister: Yesss.
Me: *types the password, it's working, loading screen appears*
Sister: Would you like a coffee?
Me: Uhm.... sure? But that would take you about 10-15 minutes to make.......?
Sister: Yes. And that's exactly how long it takes before that fucking piece of shit called windows has finally loaded the FUCKING DESKTOP.
Me: 😅
Me: Okay but it can't be that bad, right? I mean, I hate windows but you mostly need it for studies and such and as you know I'm not judging you for tha......
Sister: YES IT IS THAT FUCKING BAD. WHEN I'M IN CLASS, IT TAKES HALF THE FUCKING CLASS TO LOAD BEFORE I CAN OPEN WORD OR WHAT-THE-FUCK EVER.
THAT'S WHY I USE UBUNTU PRIMARILY, BECAUSE, ALTOUGH IT'S NOT MY FAVOURITE SYSTEM, IT. JUST. FUCKING. WORKS.

Well, I did definitely NOT see that one coming!

There is some bloatware on there but definitely as bad as what would cause this. Virus scan turned up empty. No. Fucking. Clue.
It's not a gaming laptop or anything but come on, it should run either windows or linux very well.

So this happened today. I'm bad at remembering names so I always have to ask again.

for($i=0;$i<15;$i++)
{
Me: what was your name again?
Client: well, it still IS {name}. I'm still alive, you know.
😅😰
}

Colleagues noticed it as well 😅

Used to work for a company that used asterisk for telecommunications.

Boss asked me to quickly change the call charge costs effective immediately. Finished 3diting. Went to piss. Some douche from sales came and pressed asdffggkl into the code, went down 50 lines and left it there.

Got back. Saved the code, pushed through live without testing.

Get a call three minutes later asking what the fuck did I do. There were already 450 call tickets from clients moaning they couldnt call.

So I went and checked the file I pushed. Tested it. What. Line 460 asdffggkl? What the fuck.

Removed it and boom it worked.

Got called in and said I cost the company four times my salary. Said it wasn't me, I wouldn't make a mistake like that. Told him that it was my fuck up for leaving my pc open, and that it probably was best to lock the screen.

Said I'm lying. Pulled the fucking camera footage and there was the fucker changing my code.

I got pardoned, he got a warning (just a warning). For 15 Min, I thought my ass was fired.

Will never make that naive mistake again.

Is there any practical reason why we can't develop native iOS on a non Apple mashine?

I'm tired of having to use my sisters old shitty MacBook Air while my new XPS 15 is dusting up 😡😡😡

What an awful day :(

The server where I host my 4 clients websites crashed.

Unable to reboot from the console.

I contact the support. 15 minutes later: "we'll look at this"

No news for 1 week despite my messages.

Then... 1st ticket escalation... 2nd ticket escalation... 3rd ticket escalation...

Answer: "Sorry, your server is down and cannot be repaired."

Fuck.

I ask "is there any way to get my data back?". Answer: "No, because we would shutdown the whole bay and all our clients would be impacted".

Fuck.

I subscribe to another server, at another provider.

I look at my backups... shit, the last one is 4 month ago!!

I restore the first website: OK

I restore the second website: OK

I restore the third website: My new server is "too recent" and not compatible. with this old Wordpress. Fuck! I'll look at this later...

I restore the fourth website: database is empty!! What??? I look at the SQL backup for this site... it failed...

I lost ALL my 4th client data!!!

I'm sooooo piece of crap!

A: Hey, can we talk about X for 5 minutes?

B: Yes, sure. I'm joining the meeting

...

...

You have left the room:
Meeting duration: 1 hour and 15 minutes

I designed a logo for a family member's business with the expectation that I would receive payment once the work was completed. I wasn't expecting a lot, I only really do freelance work for software but I know my way around Illustrator. I'm not one to charge family anywhere near full price and I felt no contract was needed. We were back and fourth for a little bit, getting the logo to his liking. Silly me during all of this didn't watermark any of the images I was sending (didn't think I'd have to, you know... Family) and a little while later he's gone and ordered shirts with the logo on it without paying or even contacting me. When I confronted him about it, he pulls out the whole "No contract was made" bullshit. It's ridiculous how arrogant people can be, I was asking for $50. I put a good 15 hours into it with all the alterations he wanted. 15 hours I could have spent on actual clients.

TLDR; Designed a logo for a family member without a contract, he decided not to pay.

This isn't my week I guess 😅

After my study (application development) I wanted to get a job but wasn't sure about a dev position. Everyone recommended me to go for a Linux one since I've been a Linuxer for 8 years now (7 years then)

Applied to numerous jobs and was invited to an interview with a hosting company for a Linux (support) engineer position.

CEO asked good questions, didn't need to see my diploma and we basically had a good time talking.

15 months later I'm still working here!

I'm at 15 ... I mean 1111

!rant

I feel darn good today! I caught some A-holes cheating the system on Stack Overflow.

So basically a question was asked with no code examples present and not a single reference to any framework being used.
The tag only had 'javascript', which probably limits to only 157.244.457 existing frameworks.

I'm commenting something like 'Show us your code so we can have a look'.

After 2 minutes, out of the blue, an answer appears. AND WOW! This guy had a Magical 8 Ball™!
He could predict the framework AND had a very specific fix. Just a one-liner! Go figure!

So I'm like thinking.. What the fuck just happened? Did I miss something? «Going over the question two more times»

All of the sudden, up-votes start popping up all over the place. The question was marked 3 times, the answer was marked an up-voted multiple times, and THEN it hit me (I'm kind of slow).
I checked both user profiles and instead of the usual 'air of mystery', these guys were actually dumb enough to include their company name.

AssertEquals == true.

So in the comment section, I raise my concerns on the legitimacy of the question as clearly this was 'telephoned' as we say it in Dutch, meaning as much as 'rehearsed' in this context.
But as if that was not enough, this another guy comes in and COPY/PASTED(!) the answer of guy #1. Again. Up-votes. EVERYWhere.

So I start going over some of the questions and answers of The Three Musketeers or TTM, as I'll refer them as of now.

TTM had posted over 15 questions combined, mostly crap and incomplete no-code questions. And they had answered most of their own questions.
Sometimes another guy's answer was accepted with zero up-votes as a smoke screen while the real winner was one of their own.

I marked ALL of these questions for moderation, left for lunch, and came back to see how far my blast radius reached.
Turns out, pretty damn far! Although their accounts have not been deleted, TTM have lost most of their reputation points.

They will remain on my watchlist for a couple of months. I know that is quite childish of me, but I just call it my 'guilty pleasure'! ;D
And besides, what else is there to do, instead of browsing DevRant?

I'm convinced code addiction is a real problem and can lead to mental illness.

Dev: "Thanks for helping me with the splunk API. Already spent two weeks and was spinning my wheels."
Me: "I sent you the example over a month ago, I guess you could have used it to save time."
Dev: "I didn't understand it. I tried getting help from NetworkAdmin-Dan, SystemAdmin-Jake, they didn't understand what you sent me either."
Me: "I thought it was pretty simple. Pass it a query, get results back. That's it"
Dev: "The results were not in a standard JSON format. I was so confused."
Me: "Yea, it's sort-of JSON. Splunk streams the result as individual JSON records. You only have to deserialize each record into your object. I sent you the code sample."
Dev: "Your code didn't work. Dan and Jake were confused too. The data I have to process uses a very different result set. I guess I could have used it if you wrote the class more generically and had unit tests."
<oh frack...he's been going behind my back and telling people smack about my code again>
Me: "My code wouldn't have worked for you, because I'm serializing the objects I need and I do have unit tests, but they are only for the internal logic."
Dev:"I don't know, it confused me. Once I figured out the JSON problem and wrote unit tests, I really started to make progress. I used a tuple for this ... functional parameters for that...added a custom event for ... Took me a few weeks, but it's all covered by unit tests."
Me: "Wow. The way you explained the project was; get data from splunk and populate data in SQLServer. With the code I sent you, sounded like a 15 minute project."
Dev: "Oooh nooo...its waaay more complicated than that. I have this very complex splunk query, which I don't understand, and then I have to perform all this parsing, update a database...which I have no idea how it works. Its really...really complicated."
Me: "The splunk query returns what..4 fields...and DBA-Joe provided the upsert stored procedure..sounds like a 15 minute project."
Dev: "Maybe for you...we're all not super geniuses that crank out code. I hope to be at your level some day."
<frack you ... condescending a-hole ...you've got the same seniority here as I do>
Me: "No seriously, the code I sent would have got you 90% done. Write your deserializer for those 4 fields, execute the stored procedure, and call it a day. I don't think the effort justifies the outcome. Isn't the data for a report they'll only run every few months?"
Dev: "Yea, but Mgr-Nick wanted unit tests and I have to follow orders. I tried to explain the situation, but you know how he is."
<fracking liar..Nick doesn't know the difference between a unit test and breathalyzer test. I know exactly what you told Nick>
Dev: "Thanks again for your help. Gotta get back to it. I put a due date of April for this project and time's running out."

APRIL?!! Good Lord he's going to drag this intern-level project for another month!

After he left, I dug around and found the splunk query, the upsert stored proc, and yep, in about 15 minutes I was done.

I'm not angry, mostly sad.

At my workplace we don't use git.
There are constant overwriting, sending code via email or USB stick and forgetting passwords to zip-files shenanigans going on.

I already use git for all my local projects (literally git init in the directory) but my coworker and I thought that it would be a great idea to have a local server with a Gitlab running on it.
So I started looking into running a self-hosted Gitlab (for about 15 minutes) and then our boss who was sitting right next to me almost shouted at us: "Such stuff should be coordinated with the boss! We don't just do something and burn my money because it's _cool_!"

No, git is not cool, it's necessary for crying out loud! Gitlab is cool but at the end of the day also just another tool too.

I guess I have some persuasion to do.

I don't know what version control has done to our boss that he has such a deep dislike for it.

So now I'm working on my first collab with a fellow devRanter on a privacy website thingy! Excited and want to start working on it right away.

BUT OH NO I'VE GOTTA GO TO WORK IN 15 MINUTES TO STAND BEHIND A TABLE PACKING MOTHERFUCKING BOXES ALL DAY, YEAH NO THAT SOUNDS FUCKING COCKSUCKING EXCITING. (okay I can pay rant but still).

I need a hug 😞

So far this month I applied for 15+ game development related jobs, and spent ages carefully crafting customized cover letters and resumes for each particular job. Didn't get as much as a "thank you for your application".

Then, for the one random job application I applied to on LinkedIn using my most generic resume, and no cover letter, I get a near instant response and an invitation to coordinate day/time for an interview in person. Wtf.

Anyway, hope I get the job, because I'm running out of food.

Me: Hmm, let's check what's the issue with this styles... Seems like nothing special...

*15 minutes later*

Me: Well, now that's just fine, now i'm closin' this one and commitin'...
Wait, what the...?

/* frontend-developer's day rubric. devrant edition */

Scheduled devRant maintenance - I'm going to be upgrading some infrastructure later and there will be some downtime, probably about 15 minutes, around 9pm EDT. Apologies for the inconvenience and devRant disruption :) It will help with working towards an even more stable service in the future.

Feel free to let me know if you have any questions!

Hello, I just want to let you know I'm working on a 15 year old product and it is currently in production.

It uses Angular.js and one of the earliest versions of React.js. I cannot use ES6, we don't have Babel, no JSX syntax, no CSS preprocessor. No webpack.

I must support browser since IE6 with an ES3 syntax. (luckily I got some some polyfills for an ES5 syntax)

When I build a component I have to call React.createClass and React.createElement.

The render() function is basically a nested pile of React.createElement.

There is no documentation for this product, no tests, no anything.

I had to reverse engineer it in order to understand how it works.

The code base uses mixed programming styles and naming conventions, plus thousands of little js files.

Oh and obviously no hot reload, every time I make a change I have to restart everything.

Please, send help.
I'm in danger.

Sincerely,
An underpaid developer

....
I'm not crying, you are crying...

8:30 - get into office, boot windows
Windows: "Oh man, here's this update. If you're not doing it now, I will start in 15 minutes. No questions asked!"

9:45 - checking update status
Windows: "Well i'm nearly finished, just give me a sec..."

9:55 - whats's my pc doing
Windows: "Hey mate, I did it! I also restored those neat shortcuts to MS EDGE for you. Please use my browser"

10:00 - Well i can finally start working
Windows: "Yeah... you would. But i had to remove theese few applications, because they are not compatible anymore."

11:00 - Okay, installed all my stuff, did some coding. Time to test it. Lets boot up my VM.
Windows: "Oh so sorry mate. Not gonna show my network devices to Virtualbox anymore. Have fun reconfiguring your connections without them."

Fuck this fucking Windows 10!

The only reason we have Win10 on our machines, is because people in my office panicked the last day of the "free upgrade period" (and i was on holidays)...

The 4 stages of collaboration:

- Stage1:
Hey dude, I setup some online docs and left some instructions / discussion points in slack, but you haven't been logged in. Can you login and have a look when you get a chance?

- Stage 2:
Oh Hey, did you ever get a chance to have a look at those docs / discussion points?

- Stage 3:
Hey, look this is due by close of business tomorrow, can you take spend an hour on it before you leave?

- Stage 4:
*loads shotgun* HEY YOU! ... sit here, login to that ..... STOP CRYING AND HURRY UP ..... see that right there? thats missing your input, you have 15 minutes left ... GO!

I'm fast approaching stage 4 and loading my efficiency shotgun as we speak.

Overheard a phone call between the Senior Network Engineer and a contracted Printer-company at 9am this morning. Photocopier was giving a 'functional error' message on-screen and not printing;

N.E:
I logged this call last
Thursday afternoon. Thats 1.5 days of the photocopier not working on our busiest site! Where's the engineer??
.... yes, that's the error message.
Yes, i can log into it, you should have the IP address from the call.
Yes, it's obviously pinging too.
Yes.... we've power-cycled the printer multiple times...
yes, tried that too...
yes, I've unplugged the network cable as well... left it for 15 minutes.
... sorry. What?
What did you say?
Are you f***ing kidding me?
Would you also like me to rub the side of the f***ing machine, and say a prayer while I'm at it??
*takes a deep breath*
Fine, I'll do that but when it doesn't work, i want someone out on the site before lunchtime today!
*slams phone down angrily*

N.E to me as he stomps out of the office;
He wants me to get the user to unplug the network cable and do a power cycle. How the f**k is that going to help? Idiots! Don't know why we have a contract with them, i could do a better job!!!

*comes back into office 5 minutes later*

Me: did it fix it?
NE: yeah. Damn.
*leaves room again to make apologetic phonecall*

Quick recap of my last two weeks: 15 year old production server is basically dead, boss has taken over calls and claims credit for "resolving" outages (even though my coworker and I did the work, but ultimately the traffic died down enough to where it wasn't an issue anymore).

I go to a meeting to plan migration to a better server, boss bitches about not getting invited, I tell him I invited myself, and then he lectures about how that's not our job.

Different boss says we're migrating a schema for an application that should have been decommissioned 5+ years ago to use as a baseline. I explain what's going on, he says he understands, and proceeds to tell higher bosses it's perfect because there will be no user impact. OF COURSE THERE'S NO FRICKING IMPACT, YA DUNCE! there are no users!!!!

I merge two email threads together, since they discuss the same thing, but with different insight, and get yelled at, even though they requested it.

The two bosses I like are OOO for the next week, too, so I'm just sitting here hoping I don't say something that'll get me fired or sent to sensitivity training.

I'm just starting my on call rotation and don't know that I can do this. I cry when my phone rings, now, because I experience physical pain with how hard I cringe.

I got yelled at today by a guy because SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW assigned a ticket to him directly, rather than to the proper team (not his team). So I had to look into that, which at least had the benefit of preventing a catastrophic outage to our customers world wide, but no one will know because I don't brag at work; I'm too busy doing my job as well as most of my division/section/larger team, whatever the hell it's called. I saved us probably 25+ hours of continuous troubleshooting call from noticing something tiny that the people "smarter" than me missed.

**edit: sorry for typos; got my nails done yesterday but they feel like they're a mile long and I have to relearn how to type**

My Github project was stared 15 times, I'm so proud of myself ! :D

Just got my first IT job (I'm 19 y/o)
I am a C# programming teacher now :D for teens aged 15-18
I like it but I've had the chance to give the first lecture and there's this kid
Who is constantly interrupting
"Excuse me, programming is boring, when will you tell us how to break passwords"
"Excuse me, I have this neighbour I don't like, how do I put his printer on fire using code?"
"Excuse me, so we now know what classes are but can you tell us how to run fork bomb on system startup?"
afohsdofhidsfoidfsg
I suppose the kid will be becoming famous here over time

Also, out of rant, what do you wish your lecturers said to you when you were just getting started?

I fucking hate when people say that I play with the computer just because I'm 15 and they can't belive that I actually do developer's stuff. FUCK, SERIOUSLY.

Have you seen that movie Up? The one with the dog that's easily distracted? Yea I'm that dog.

I'll work for about 15-20 or until I fix something the way iike it, and then I end up getting distracted for another 5-10 minutes.

TL;DR
Management eats shit for breakfast

Context:
I am the sole Dev on a project.

Stack: Postgresql, redis, nginx,Java with Spring Boot, Neo4j.

I am the only one nearly familiar with : Redis, Neo4j and anything Java.

I'm gonna be on vacation for the next 15 days since they have told me that we where gonna be on a "testing/feedback" period.

My vacation was approved.

Today's meeting: we have a URGENT deadline to meet some criteria that might be the difference between have further investment or not.

Urgent deadline: last day of my vacation.

My face: poker

My thoughts: attached image

On call: part 2... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ASK US TO STOP RESTORING *YOUR* SERVICES SO *YOUR* CUSTOMER HAS ACCESS TO *YOUR* STUFF BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SLEEP. If you call me because shits down, I'm going to fucking fix it. Idgaff if you're tired because it's been an 8 hour day, I've been working for 15 hours and I am contractually obligated to get this shit up asap and you needing your fucking beauty sleep is not a damn good reason to fuck up my contact...

(They got my boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss on the line who told them that but nicer -its why she gets paid more- and they still insisted. But at least they owe US more money to cover some *legal contractual mumbled jargon* it makes it better, and it's documented so they can't turn it around on us)

Will someone please send coffee? I have 2 more days of this.

I'm so upset when developers starts to say that mac books are better and faster, even with windows, just because of what? Magic?apple logo? Compare them with a dell xps 15 with i7hq, ssd on pci xpress and if you care about display the 4k version is far better than retina... And no osx it's not faster than windows 10, there are comparison on the same hardware... Come on developers, you suppose to know the basics... If you prefer the macbook for design, because it's cool, fashion, light apple logo, ui, it's ok... Feel free to use it. But don't say things not true

On June 2016, I've quite my job. 15 years as developer/system administrator in a middle company in switzerland. 30 people with everyday problem. 30 calls per day.
Now, i work in my own company.
More work, no more time, but u know what? No regrets!! I'm freeeeeeee! :p

This company has been a "start-up" for 5 years farming money off of fucking idiots using a shitty CMS.

- The senior dev gets paid 15/hr
- No use of version control or testing
- the CEO has no fucking knowledge about tech.

and you wonder why it's FAILING?! I'm surprised you guys stayed afloat this long, jesus fucking christ.

Some time ago I quit my job at a big corporation. Getting treated like a resource, a production line robot, just isn't for me.

My current job is way better. Small company, lots of freedom, getting to work on multiple projects, the result counts. But, as a small company, we also collaborate with big corporations. So I joined a team at one.

Watching my coworkers there, I'm reminded of robots again. Lunch break? 15 minutes tops. Just shovel some edibles into your face hole and back to work. Five minutes break between meetings? Open laptop, work work work. The concept of "needing rest" seems entirely foreign to them.

Yesterday our product owner "relayed some criticism" from other team members to me. Apparently, me going to the toilet in breaks is "suddenly disappearing". Or me not replying within 15 minutes in the chat is outrageous. And then he tried to berate me how I'm "his developer" and his team's tasks have top priority. So, according to the PO the problem is me and I should "get used to their mode of operation".

How about "no". I quit a fucking job because that "mode" is simply inhuman. After that feedback, you bet I'm taking my legally protected 30 minutes lunch break and any other break I can. Because fuck yourself, you're not going to burn me out. The best part, that team has smokers who "suddenly disappear" twice as much as I do, but apparently that's somehow a-ok.

I had to remind him that his project is just one of several I'm working on, so no, not "his dev". While that wasn't exactly a powerful comeback, it did shut him up. Still going to talk to my boss on Monday, at least to ensure that the PO can't talk shit about me behind my back.

TL;DR: Tech companies. Don't ask for loyalty if you don't care about your people.

> I'm a gud Dev (and a gud boi).
> The company assing me a cool project.
> The company promised pay me the training. about that suite. They didn't.
> I finish the project and i'd accomplish the task with more effectivity than excepted.
> My company won an interview about "the success case of the implemented software and its integration with our software". They denied me the chance to fly and go to the meet. Instead they will send another guy...
> I asked for a "salary adjust" cos I'm finishing my engineering degree and my good work. They declined.
> Next day I'd present my volunteer job resignation within 15 days (because laws demands that). I have a better job option with +20% my actual salary and a lot of benefits. And they needs me ASAP.
> Everybody look at me shocked and if I am a traitor.

What the f!$-k they did expect?
My unconditional loyalty?
🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn't say least successful but my current one has an extremely irritating annoyance.

I have to setup a tile server (for those draggable maps in browsers and such) and I've come to the point where I'm skilled enough to at least setup the server. BUT:

- Generating the tiles from a database to PNG pbf files at a max 15 zoom level of only even the goddamn nerherlands will take more than a hundred days and I want the entire goddamn world. (20 core rather powerful server).
The end result is veeery fast.
- The importing is fast enough but generating them on the fly is so painstakingly slow 😫

😖

Running a huge migration on our production db.
Takes 45+15 minutes (migration+tests) on my lappy. So. I'm going to be bored and slightly worried for the next hour.

Hopefully the production servers will be faster.

I was looking for a part time job when I was 15, knew nothing about coding, got a developer job cause I said I'm keen to learn xD .. 5 years later.. I'm still learning but I have a better knowledge now!

Okay so even at my advance 52 years of age, I still pull all nighters to handle emergency remediation projects, and clean up other peoples messes. I don't mind, I'm a geek, I get high on the challenge of fixing shit that is broken all to hell.

But tonight was different. Tonight has me raging.

I am tasked with renovating a website, and building a sister site to that main site as well. no bother, I haven't done any web dev in 15 years but I'll power through pulling 18 to 20 hours a day for a couple of weeks to get in the groove...

Little did I know... CSS is a pain in the ass to be sure, but FLEXBOX is total and complete bullshit.

I don't give to shits about all the fancy shit it can do, it can't do simple shit worth a damn. Fuck Flexbox, and anyone involved in producing that useless layout model.

The sheer number of idiots promoting that hunk of shit a solution that is to be applied to any task other than wiping my ass is astounding.

Fuck all you jerk offs out there posting your shitty mark up turds as if they are gold, when you know better than anyone it works, sometimes, then doesn't, and is so easy to break it may as well be called "Web Design Jenga".

I'm still tired as hell, and tomorrow I will go back to slogging through CSS as the layout method, but at least I feel a little better now.

Oh and before I forget FUCK YOU FLEXBOX you piece of shit.

At an office job I worked at (2018), one day we were told to drop everything we were doing for the day and gather around, because there was a lady (about 70 years old) who had stopped by to give us "Life Advice".

The lady started her speech with this statement:

"In 1974, I lived in a mansion with 7 servants at my service and 4 cars".

I'm not making this up.

Then she rambled on for 15 mins about how she faced difficulties in her life, starting from studying in a boarding school in Switzerland, then coming back to India to work at the Taj Hotel (Mumbai) under a team of world-renowned chefs who were mean to her, at her internship which paid her about $2500 USD a month in 1985.

But the point she made was, in spite of all her difficulties, she never gave up and kept working.

When she was finally done, NOBODY clapped. She felt awkward as hell and we saw it on her face.

I still chuckle when I think about that incident.

Indian web dev companies suck ( for developers )

when I finished 3 year grad program in computer application here in my country (India), I thought life's gonna be fun working as a developer. Oh boy, I was so wrong.

I started out working for a small service based IT company, followed by 2 more. I realized really quickly that they're nothing short of a scam. If your company's only agenda to somehow survive in the market and showing no signs of growth in 8 fucking years, then I'm sorry you're working for scamsters.

Now I'm not saying that all of them are alike. But most of them sorta are.

They don't give a shit about quality, not one bit. Quality means no money in the short run. And they haven't been able to develop any strategy to deal with that. Hence, no growth.

They promise 100 things on their website but only provide shitty services in 10.

There is no pair programming, no code review, no code quality check, no architect, no database designer. They won't give you extra time to write test cases. They use git as a storage device.

They don't put their developers (especially the ones who are learning) under any sort of managed development framework to ensure smooth work.

At the end of the day, their main objective is to somehow NOT deliver a project but finish a milestone and make money out of it.

After cashing out for a milestone, they want you to put your current project on hold and start working on a new project until you have like 10-15 projects in the pipeline and you're severely overwhelmed and you just wanna fucking QUIT.

They would say YES to literally every fucking thing, only to disappoint the client later.

I can't believe someone in the US, or UK thought it'd be a good idea to approach these companies
for their brand new app ideas. They're so fucked.

They're rarely finishing any project.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I had to get it out of my system.

So I have been working at the same company for five years, doing pretty much all the IT stuff. Sys admin, help desk, you name it. I've also developed a fair amount of in-house software for the company.

Today, I learned from a trusted source that they are actively interviewing people to replace me. I probably have a week, maybe two until I'm fired. To my knowledge I've done nothing to warrant this.

I've been looking around lately for a new job anyway, but without any sense of urgency. I have put in several applications with very few responses though.

I have 5 years experience doing this professionally and 15 total years of dev experience, but only a GED.

I'm not sure why I'm not getting any responses from my applications, but I'm pretty scared right now. I have a 5 month old baby, a wife and a teenager that all depend on me.

I don't know what to do...

Me: "I've got an exam tomorrow morning, I should try to go to sleep early tonight".

22:00 - Get into bed and put on audiobook
23:00 - "Alright I'm getting sleepy now, I should fall asleep soon :)"
00:00 - "Must be soon now"
01:00 - "Maybe in 15 minutes"
02:00 - "Still got 6 hours to sleep, plenty of time"
03:00 - "My body is tired, my mind is not"
04:00 - "RIP"

It's safe to say that my sleep rhythm is utterly fucked.

Been reading devRant for a while now and I have to say I'm sad about the way the future of the software engineering looks like. Everyone seems to have a lot of hatred towards certain techniques and/or platforms and sad to say, but you are missing a lot.

I have been in the biz for around 15 years and have worked on Win, Linux, Mac, Unix, Symbian, Embedded etc. using all sorts of tools and languages and I must say it has taught me a lot and given diversity on my career and I hope you could also open your mind and start educating yourselves. Theres a world behind your bubble!

Peace and love!

I posted a "Periodic Table of Human Intellect" I created today, and thought it was worth sharing.

Ages:

0-14 = Dumb as fuck.

15-21 = Learning useless shit.

22-28 = Claiming to know everything. *

29-35 = Reality sets in.

36-48 = Fuuuuuuuuu...

48-59 = Deal with it and watch your step.

60+ = ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Of course, I'm still in the process of testing the predicted results of 48+ - but, I'm looking forward to no longer giving even half a shit.

(* Based on everything useless that they've learned.)

[ATTENTION if you're an apple fan this rant could hurt your religion]
- I used a mc for about 12 hours, only to fix the ios version of an app in Xamarin, it was a nightmare:
- I took the only free mac available, it's the latest macbook pro with the "amazing" touch bar, mac os wash freshly reinstalled
- I switch it on, set it up and after few minutes the screen become black, I thought went in standby (the "amazing" touch bar still was working), I try to switch it on but nothing, I asked for help to mac users in office and they choose a genius solution: forced switch off and on
- Finally after took all the adapters I can start to work
- I notice that's not possible to snap 2 or more windows (without 3rd party apps)
- It's not possible to automatically enlarge the Window almost full screen without cover the bottom and top bar, there is only full screen option but it's not the best
- Inverted scroll by default, on mouse doesn't make sense (on trackpad and touch screen yes)
- Multimonitor sucks...and it doesn't recognize 2 monitors connected in chain
- It's not possible disable standby if you're on battery and you close the lid
- Too often I had to see that annoying rainbow progress also for stupid actions
- Like Windows it's not possible to install 2 software at same time
- Like Windows after some updates is required to reboot
- Finally I switched back to my lovely Dell XPS 15 with Windows 10, but I had to go back on the mac for one more fix, so I search again for the adaptor, I reconnect everything and mouse and keyboard doesn't work, after few minutes the mac reboot by himself and appear a crash report dialog...of course I send them a nice feedback
- At the end of the day, as the mac asked more than once, I install the updates... after about an hour, when we try to switch it on again, it doesn't... so once again forced switch off and on

if you want to use it for nice picture on Facebook or Instagram "just woks" ... but for serious work I'm so grateful to choose a Dell XPS 15 with Windows 10

Ok so a very quick background: I didn't get a job until I needed one after my phone broke and I didn't have the money to buy another one. (I'm a student still for those who don't know lol.)

>> Phone randomly breaks.
>> Don't have the money for a new one
>> Searches for low skill jobs (ie cashier) that would work with me in terms of how many hours I work and whenever those hours are.
>> Apply to like 15 (not even exaggerating either lol) jobs
>> Wait for responses
>> One day goes by. Nothing
>> Two days go by. Nothing
>> Three days go by. Nothing
>> Fourth day rolls around and I get a call about one. I answer, tell him I'm available starting that Monday.
>> (Keep in mind I'm on an old temporary phone)
>> Next day I buy a new phone (didn't have to pay anything up front aside from the taxes on it, as it's on a payment plan)
>> Reset old phone after usage
>> Monday rolls around and I drive to the location of the job, and walk in the door asking for x.
>> "I'm sorry sir, who? We don't have anyone here by that name."
>> I panic and hop in my car, and try to find the address of the store I applied to. I find out it's different than where I went.
>> Start driving there and call that phone number. I ask to speak to x.
>> "I'm sorry sir, there's nobody here by that name."
>> Call literally every other location in the city and ask for x, but nothing.
>> Since I'm already on the way, I drive to the location of the store I had applied to. Whenever I get there, the manager spends half an hour on the phone trying to figure out where I belong. Nothing.
>> By this point, it's well over an hour past whenever I was supposed to show up, so I gave up because I figured they probably wouldn't have hired me anyways.
>> I get home determined af to figure out who the hell called me.
>> I remembered that Verizon has call logs you can look at online.
>> I go back through it and find the number. Google it.

Here's where the story gets a lil funny now.

>> Number shows up for a store that I applied to who's name sounds a LOT like the first store.
>> Called them and explained what happened, and told them I'd be there asap if they still wanted me.
>> That was like 6 months ago and I'm still here lol

Me, in a meeting with CTO trying to sort out some config stuff, manager messages me and tells me about a non critical issue (read: not production).

Me: I'm in a meeting
Manager: Yes but look at this when you have time
Me: Yes sure

Manager calls me after 15 minutes

Me: I was in a meeting?
Manager: Are you still in a meeting or were you in a meeting?
Me: I'll go back to the meeting when you're done

Manager tells me about the issue again. After I go back to the meeting manager sends me a meeting link about the issue literally 15 minutes from that time. Manager is 10 minutes late to the meeting he just arranged.

After the meeting manager pesters me and asks if I could figure out the issue every 15 minutes.

I fucking hate this job.

Wk29:

A 15 minute meeting to discuss what shade of yellow our product should use for warning. I had to attend because I was writing the product.

This was one of about 5 separate discussions on the colour, a few of which involved me showing them a colour wheel and telling them to pick.

I'm a back end developer, the colour is just 3 rgb floats to me, I don't goddam care!

Why I quit playing video games 15 years ago, and how that impacted my life.

In a land far far away (probably from where you are) on a distant planet (probably for aliens reading this) In a typical city, in a typical apartment, I woke up from a deep deep sleep, the kind of sleep that you can only have if you've been up the previous 2 days binge playing final fantasy 7.

It was a day like any other, except, on this day, I had a haunting thought:

"What if I played my LIFE, like I did video games"?

Long story short. I couldn't play video games anymore. Instead of "working" I saw it as gaing exp points. Instead of "failing" I saw it as necessary to build up character flaws.... etc.

I haven't looked back. I created 3 businesses, I learned psychology, marketing, programming, law, etc etc.

I look at my current status, strength points, charisma points, intelligence points, etc.
And I'm proud.

You get the idea.

Later, I realized something else. If I work all day in front of a computer, how can I play in front of a computer too?

This could be a better post, but you get the gist.

Know the role video games plays in your life, and don't let it play YOU.

It's because I'm still fixing those machines, Microsoft. I'm only one tech! Be patient, I still have 15% left to go. 🤣

WHY DO WE HAVE TO BUY THE PROFESSOR'S BOOK JUST TO BE ABLE TO PASS THE COURSE?

It's so stupid, I'm currently attending a Operating Systems course at university and the professor NEEDS us to buy his book because all of the tasks and seminars are based on his book. It is stupid! There are thousands of books out there on Operating Systems programming! Free ones too! But instead we have to spend 800SEK (100USD) on his book.

And guess what? There is literally one task based on his book... To summarize the chapters about Fixed Priority scheduling and Dynamic Priority scheduling. Which is 15 pages out of 200+.

All the students attending the course are going to the director of studies and complaining next week. This is unacceptable. If it was a good book, sure. But the book has the same exact information as multiple free e-books we've found.

Ridiculous.

In 15+ years of full time work as a C++ software engineer there is one tool that I always hated: CMAKE. What a fucking pile of shit, seriously, every time there is project that uses it I simply cannot build said project with one click. In all these 15 years working in different companies the only reason people speak about cmake is to avoid adding source files to multiple projects (VS, XCode, Android).

I'm not some kind of newbie: I've make cmake projects myself, I've build hundrends of projects that use cmake and I even contributed fixes to their code. I still believe that cmake is garbage that should stop to exist.

# Who the fuck wrote this piece of shit static, unreusable yet globally used, inconsistent, non-standard mock that breaks whole fucking test suite and makes me cry everytime I correct one thing only to find out it breaks another? I swear to god motherfucker I'm gonna find you and fucking cut you. Fuck you you fucking idiot and fuck your entire family if you still have one though I doubt anyone would ever want you for a son. [going on for a few minutes in my head] #

$ git blame

# well fuck you "me from 2019-11-15 15:30:25 +0100". I fucking hate your guts and I want you to know it #

I'm starting my first real/big project! I'm going to program a discord bot for my senior project with Python and I'm gonna have to do it in 25 days. the goal is to get it done in 15 and polish it more from there.

Which do you think designers are tired of hearing?

"Make the logo bigger"
"Looks great but can you make it pop"
"Can you make it pretty"
"Something is missing in the design but I'm not sure what is."

After 15 Revisions
"I think the first design you made was better."

Do anyone else have major focus issues? When I'm enjoying something, I can focus completely for a long time. But when I'm miserable, 15 minutes seems to be the maximum I can focus.

It's really hard when you have long passages to read for class and are unable to focus long enough to actually absorb the material.

I really want to try ADHD medicine, but I don't want to rely on it to focus.

Three months into a new job, as a senior developer (12+ years experience) and updated an import application.

With one small update query that didn't account for a possible NULL value for a parameter, so it updated all 65 million records instead of the 15 that belonged to that user.

Took 3 people and 4 days to put all the data back to it's original state.

Went right back to using the old version of the apllication, still running 2 years later. It's spaghetti code from hell with sql jobs and multiple stored procedures creating dynamic SQL, but I'm never touching it again.

I am angry. Do you know why? It's a rhetorical question, because you don't know why I am angry, which is why I'm going to tell you why I'm so. I Followed my friend, " Jane Doe" ( you don't need to know her actual name) to this store in my town. Then these 14-15 years old girls came up to me, and started asking me about my braces. "Where'd you get it?
" How much did it cost ?"
I get these questions like almost every single, and it's annoying. 😒
This one question got me angry. "What 'if' her braces are fake?" A girl said whispering to her friend.
Fake??? My braces are realer than you could ever be, jealous bitch. I said that in my mind, I don't have the guts to say it out loud, besides these girls look like they could tear me to pieces, and I wanted no conflict. I walked away as soon as my friend got her stuffs from the store.
My friend couldn't help but to tease me that I'm a doormat. I guess she's right. 🤔☹😤😟😖

Alright, this my fucking rant right here. Distraction? This whole company is a distraction! Boss decided to throw us all in an open work environment doing jobs that require careful concentration. Straight outta college I'm getting handed vague ideas, (make a desktop app that helps our customers put data on the internet, make an iPhone app) with out so much as an inkling of what technologies to use, just make it work.
Ok I will but when you hit a roadblock with very little resources to draw in it's hard to stay focused.
On top of that since I worked in support for a year I'm our senior support person! But sometimes support just doesn't use their brains and I'm using my time to solve very basic problems.
That brings me to my next point, the goddamn piece of shit that is our telephone. Fuck that thing when it rings it's never good. Moreover, since I don't want to get roasted for not being responsive I have the motherfucker forward to my personal cell. So I answer every fucking call and I get so many spam calls!
Not to mention I'm mainly running the hardware show around here. Shits broke I'm the one fixing it. Need new shit I'm putting the order together.
Tried to get a new guy to be the sys admin, ordered a 6th gen board with a 7th gen proc, had to pull 3 machines apart to get that sorted. Then he left bc family issues, and has been gone for weeks.
The other devs are also slam up busy, and the main product is about 15 people's piss on a plate of garb age spaghetti. (I got a lot of shit going on but at least I'm the only one pissing in my spaghetti) it's a constant run around if who does what with a code first plan later mentality causing confusion and delay.
Nobody wants to help anybody because they are also annoyed with this setup and are getting bitched at by customers or management.
Sales is mostly composed of a bunch of crackhead yes men and women who just want a commission and only half know the shit we sell and have sold 15 new features that had not been discussed. But management always says make it happen. In what priority? It's all a priority they say! Wtf.
So yea, then it brings me to me, dealing with this much chaos at work makes it seem like a high amount of chaos in my life is normal. I'm just now learning to control this.
I've had to do a lot of growing up as a person and as a developer. I've went from being the most junior to about the 3rd most seniors and I've no doubt my efforts have contributed to the growth of the company.
I'm a big believer in coding flow, and that it takes at least 15 mins to get in that flow and about 5 seconds to break it. There is no do not disturb on the company chat, everything always on fire it seems.
So fuck a lot of this, but I've done the research and where I'm at is the best opportunity in a 100 mile radius. So I am thankful for this job. Plus I usually win the horror story contest.

So TL;DR the biggest distraction is every fucking thing in this god forsaken place.

Parked the car in a parking lot 15 mins before job interview. Plenty of time to spare.

Go to pay for parking.

Ticket machine doesn't accept cards. Fine, I have notes.

Ticket machine doesn't accept notes. Shit, I need to go get change quick.

FUCKING FUCKER DOESN'T ACCEPT £1 COINS WELL WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU ACCEPT THEN YOU FUCKING FUCK I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY JOB INTERVIEW OR GET A £80 FUCKING PARKING FINE

University Final Viva for OOP with C++
(Yeah, that first line is a rant in itself for the likes of me and Mr. Torvalds)
Assistant Professor:
Tell me a few "functions" in C++ STL algorithm header
Me:
*starts off with the first one that came to my mind*
sort()
AP: Huh? a I'm asking the Algorithms in C++ STL
Me: Yes, this is one of them Ma'am.
She looked at me as if I told her that I'm dating her daughter. It became clear she doesn't know about it and she'll gladly deduct my marks for getting it wrong. So I explained how Sort() is a hybrid of quicksort, heap sort and insertion sort. (Read about it an hour ago while doing a competitive programming question)
AP: Tell me the ones we did in class.
I haven't attended those classes, so I just told her the ones I knew.

After a couple more infuriating questions, which themselves sounded right from a book published in the 90's, she gave me 10/15.

This is what's wrong with India's Education system, even the teachers know only the stuff mentioned in the course hand-outs. Forget brownie points, you get screwed over by the teachers for actually knowing stuff and using it.

15 years ago I had a job interview as technical leader. They asked me about the trendy framework in those days, Struts. I didn't know much to be honest. I actually started to study java the month before. I was 30 y.o. and I managed to sell myself well.

I got the job. I never saw Struts, the real job was to migrate a z/OS application written on PL/I for DB2 (all things where new to me, I programmed something in VB when I was younger, before studying a career in statistics). Anyway, somebody else already scaffolded Struts, I implemented some business logic here and there, and mostly tried to make sense of the monster-legacy.

Fast forward now.
Two months ago I was interviewed on the last version of Angular and AWS devops, kubernetes etc. I managed not to look completely idiot, but honestly, I never went beyond an Hello World in Angular, and kubernetes, well, I like the name.

I got the job as Technical Architect.

First project I'm assigned to: migrate a 15 years old Struts application to cloud.
Somebody has containerized everything.
Somebody will scaffold a dotNet application.

I'll watch. Maybe I'll write some nice powerpoint presentation. Maybe I'll fill in some business logic in some methods.

I wanted really to be a technical Architect and do things other modern people do.

I actually wanted to learn something.

Anyway.
For 160K$ a year is not bad, I wouldn't complain.

15 days and counting until I move to my new job working for the smartest person I know on something I'm passionate about. Holy shit! This is gonna happen!

Rant !Dev

News says FB took a huge plunge and Zuckerburg lost $15 billion in 1 day and this is the result of all the privacy breaches

I'm looking at the price charts and even from my memory, it's still higher than when I checked last time.

Am I missing something or it seems news these days and the headline journalists are just monkeys finding the quickest way to get attention and some money? And reporting things out of context... Too me it just looks like a market correction... Just like bitcoins...

Best of NPC recruiter, 4/11:

Recruiter: I was impressed with your background and industry experience and thought you would be a perfect fit for our series A startup *10 minute drone of how awesome they are*
Me: *eyeglazing over* What role is this?
Recruiter: What roles are you looking for? Where do you see yourself in 3 years? We're looking for a program manager or dev lead to manage a team"
Me: I'm looking for an SDET role.
Recruiter: ......*silence* so you want to run scripts, hmm.... Well, looks we don't have an exact fit at the time, but let's keep in touch for future opportunities! You never know when you'll -
Me: ... Why did you even contact me? What about my profile struck you as being aligned to anything you were looking for?
Recruiter: Well, you have a master's in CS and worked at [BigN#1] and [BigN#2] and -
Me: Thank you for your time, been a pleasure *hang up*

I want my 15 minutes back.

GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES. MANY PEOPLE RANT ABOUT JOB HUBTING AND INSANE REQUIREMENTS. SO HERE IN SPAIN I'M SURE THE SITUATION IS WORSE. NO FUCKING JOBS. WHEN YOU FIND AN OFFER THAT DOESN'T MENTION PHP, JAVA OR COBOL OHH. YOU NEED TO BE A FUCKING WP, FULL STACK, ANDROID AND IOS DEVELOPER, A FUCKING SYSADMIN AND HAVE 99 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. SO YOU CAN SAY: hey search a junior offer! YEAH SURE ONE SECOND. 4-15 FUCKING YEARS OF FUCKING EXPERIENCE. GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES AAAAH

my boss gives me a 15 page list of changes to a web app yesterday. this afternoon he tells me forget all the silly things I'm doing, which just happen to be core functionality, and work towards getting it live.

wtf do you think I am doing... -.-

Just did my first JobIntentService on Android. Hoo, boy.

The problem: I need to send a network request.

The issue: Android.

Of course, you can't do network on the main thread. That's silly in any application. Android really does try to punish you, though. The Android lifecycle can really fuck you over here. Imagine a long-running network operation, like 15 seconds. Plenty of time for the user to do something silly, like rotate the screen.

If you opened up a good old new Thread from Java, you'd get a crash because of a screen rotation. Same thing with Android's AsyncTask, which is the top answer on StackOverflow. AsyncTask is made for things that will take no longer than a few seconds (less than 5!). Network, especially cell network, can take longer.

So the solution? Create a JobIntentService class. It's a service, it will run in the background. You need to register it in your Android Manifest and ask for a new permission (wake lock). You need to implement another class for the receiver, and then you need to go to your activity and implement the receiver interface you just wrote.

Just. For. A. Network. Request!

And as far as I'm aware, this isn't even that bad considering the rest of Android's bullshit.

What a headache!

I'm starting to dislike the targeted news articles at the bottom of a new tab on chrome lol

I went to check my grades, saw the title of an article that seemed really interesting, so i read it. By the time I finished it, I thought of a friend who'd like to read it. So I sent him the link.

15 minutes go by and I mutter "fuck" as I remember I never checked my grades, the whole reason I even opened chrome lol

Not sure if you'd call this an insecurity but regardless; frontend.

Much of the stuff I develop is meant to be user/privacy friendly.
Like, at the moment I'm developing an end-to-end encrypted notes web application. The backend is a fucking breeze, the frontend is hell for me. I'm managing mostly but for example, I need to implement a specific thing/feature right now and while the backend would take me about 15-30 minutes, I've been only just thinking about how I'm going to do this frontend wise for the past few fucking hours.

My JavaScript skills are quite alright, html is manageable, css only the basics.

And before people tell me to just learn it; I. Fucking. Hate. Frontend. Development. My motivation for this is below zero.

But, most of the shit I write depends on frontend regardless!

30 years programming (I'm 38)
15 years as a professional
Triplebyte thinks my coding and debugging skills are poor

What the actual fuck

So my colleagues and I are somewhat great friends. (As in my first rant, I'm a practical evil joke guy). Since our boss thinks we are working on the production server (in reality, he commissioned it to be done in 4 months time. We all got it done in a month.), we get our own little room in the building, each time one of us walks in, we greet each other with a nice "go fuck yourself". Not to be mean, but just as a joke.

I decide to leave the room to go get a drink and I said I would be back. Guess who wants to see the dev team to see where they are on production? Not our boss, the fucking CEO. This isn't a big company, but this definitely was not expected.

So, he walks in and greets the team. He gets greeted with "Go fuck yourself".

I come back to see my team outside, and the CEO asking me why they said that. So after 15 minutes of ass ripping, the CEO leaves, our jobs barely intact, and I get to talk with the team about why we have to be nice to our superiors.

Got my first Webdev job at a small marketing company, felt very lucky as I didn't have much experience. Turns out I'm the only one that could program. The other guys just use Wordpress. It felt wrong at first, using plugins instead of developing, but we got results and clients were happy. I felt like there was a lot less to this development thing than I'd previously thought! And so we continued.

But I noticed that some of our more plugin heavy sites (not made by me - these were made in some drag/drop Wordpress interface) were running slow. I mean 15 seconds load time slow. I joined devRant around the same time and discovered that no - this is not what normal development actually is. Wordpress seems universally hated. Thank god, because something seemed very wrong!

So with us getting complaints all over the place over page speed from relatively high-profile clients, I've gone and set up a script on a server that downloads the whole front end of these Wordpress sites and serves them up instead of the 'real' thing. Did I mention that there's basically no dynamic content on most of these sites? It works like a charm! I'm now trying to figure out how to get forms and route them into the real, hidden version of the site, as well as automatically updating the html views whenever the client changes anything in the Wordpress backend. Not sure if this has fixed the problem or just enabled bad practice, but I don't think I'm going to be able to stop the others from doing things this way...

For the record, yes there are plugins that do similar stuff but I thought it'd be nice to never use plugins again! And hey, I got to learn all about bash scripting so I can't complain.

For real though, I didn't quite realise how bad the Wordpress thing really was until I came here. Thanks for making me aware, all!

I've been asked to work a Sunday next weekend; and like an idiot I agreed. Wasting a beautiful summer day inside designing software for a company to push more fast food product and contribution to obesity and diabetes in the world.

This is my life, and I hate it here. I hate this industry. In my 15 years, I once took off for 11 months and lived out of two bags through Asia and Europe. I spent 5 months with just a car driving across America. It's fun, but non-sustainable and I had to find a job afterwards both times.

I need a way out of this cycle. I need to contact professors and get letters of recommendation and get into a PhD program (I have a masters already), but finding the time after exhausting days at work is .. well .. exhausting.

The most I can do after work is go hang out with friends or do something, but if I come straight home, I just fall asleep. I'm tired all the time.

I make a presentation to explain to the boss why we had to tweak around the requirements in order to keep backwards compatibility and stuff. I take 15 minutes explaining how our system currently works and how these requirements would change it, etc etc.

"So... is this workflow okay for our customers?"

They stared into the presentation slide for a good minute.

"I think we should align this row over here with that square over there."

"Oh don't worry this is a demo. But do you think our customers will still be okay with these changes?"

"Yeah, but these two elements are unalligned and they look pretty bad."

I'm starting to think that fancy speech can deter people from questioning or complaining to you. I'm pretty sure they don't know their own product as well as I know it.

Sales guy: Hey, you're technical. Can you tell me how I'd go about doing (foobar) in this webapp I have here?
Almond: Err... I've never dealt with that webapp in my life. I wouldn't have a clue.
Sales guy: ...but you're a dev right? Oh well, never mind. Anyone more experienced around here that may know?
Almond: No idea, but I seriously doubt any of the devs will have used it. Maybe one of the other sales guys will?
Sales guy: So you're telling me *none* of the devs around here will know how to do this?!
Almond: Very unlikely (thinking why the hell would any devs be using a sales app, but whatever)

...15 minutes later...

Sales guy: Ahah, I figured it out! (Explains what buttons he had to click in crappy app to do foobar)
Almond: Glad you got it sorted!
Sales guy: I'm really surprised none of you devs could figure this out, but I could. Perhaps I should change careers and be a dev.

...what?!

My Manager: Could you help "other manager" (OM) they need some very simple code changes.

Me: sure that will only take a few minutes *adds 15 lines of code tells OM one single line they have to modify*

Some other manager (SOM): Hey how does this work, I'm confused, do I need to do anything?

Me: Yes see the email chain you were copied on.

SOM: Actually let's have a meeting instead and all discuss this.

Goddammit this was a simple change to make your life easier now you are wasting everyones time by not reading the email

Designer ranting about designer.
Most graphic designer in switzerland have no clue on how to build a proper InDesign document. The design looks astonishing but when they want their design printed, they get roasted everytime.
No I can't print this ultra vibrant rgb color. This image has only 72ppi I need 300ppi in order to print this! WTF? What is this color setting? Japanese ICC color profiles? Are you retarded? No this layer composition is horrendous and unusable. WTF? a 60 page business report and no paragraph format presets? How I'm supposed to typeset this shit next year? No I can't print this fucktard, how long have been a graphic designer? 15 years? And you've still produce this crap? .... Every single time.

Thank goodness I don't work in print anymore.

Just got my stickers today! Finally get to start my sticker collection on the back of my laptop! I showed a few people and they said "You spent $15 on stickers? You could have spent that on gas". But I like stickers more than going places, so there was no question about it for me (plus I had like $25 in change that I cashed out last night).

So, yeah. Got my stickers and I'm happy about them

Public CSS discord: "Oh, awesome thanks, man! No need to apologize, I'll check the code. I DM'd you."

DM: Total meltdown cry baby freak-out... "Oh yeah... well, if the code is broken - then why does my repo have 63 stars? I think I'd know if my code didn't work - it must be your computer. Why won't you let me team-viewer into your computer and see your screen? I don't care about your personal information. It's made with React, not CSS. I thought you would be helpful - but you're not at all. You aren't professional..."

Uh... (I can see the code... team-viewer isn't going to help you... and I'm at work... and I already spent 15 minutes helping you - you fucking prick)

Dear intellectual crew, your double-digit IQ little shitposter needs your help.

The situation in Russia is always bad and it will always become worse and worse. In addition to that, it's illegal to have medications that can potentially cure me. Add 15 sunny days a year in my city and it becomes clear that I need to leave.

However, despite the absolute lack of sunny days, I FUCKING LOVE my city, Saint-Petersburg. When I was living in Moscow for like six months, I liked Moscow but I was missing my city every single day. Sometimes I forgot that I'm not in St. Petersburg anymore, tried to figure out what street I'm on, realized that I'm in Moscow and felt like I'm physically suffocating. I always miss my city so bad.

I'm not going to talk about why do I love it so much. If I ever start, I'm going to write a book about it.

Questions are:
1. Is it Stockholm syndrome? I don't miss Russia and don't identify myself as Russian. I only miss one city and I wasn't even born here.
2. How do I leave in that mental state?

This is the only problem that is holding me. Money, finding a place to stay and finding a job I can approach rationally, but my problem I can not.

I never liked when rappers do the bridge on emotional songs.

the song starts like "ooohh, baby I love you, you know we're for each other, bla bla",
then the rapper comes up with some raw shit like
"baby you know that this cum is only for you,
we're meant for each other, you suck me so good,
you know that you moan when I raw in your ass"

bro, wtf... it was a gentle romantic song...

or when the singer is depressed, has dilemmas about life
and the rapper's like "im rolling on my mercedes bitch"

it actually sounds like rapper is intentionally making the singer look like a pussy.

now, before some troll comments that I'm an idiot dinosaur that can't understand hip hop, let me say:

I like hip hop, I'm not gonna make a fool of myself by name dropping rappers from the past or today, as if you needed credentials to emit any option about the genre. I will only say that I've been listening on and off since I was 15.

And I like emotional songs as well, any genre.

The problem is that I feel a sort of disconnect between the singer and rapper of a song.

You can't have one performer be like "I feel sad, life is hard" and then the other like "I GOT HELLA MAD DICK NIGGA, CHOKE ON MY CUM", in the SAME fucking song.

They are completely opposite emotions,
That works in movies, eg: a romantic slasher film, but that shit works because it's feature length.

There's enough time to make transitions and to let the mood slowly change.

Meanwhile, these guys are trying to stitch these things together in 3 fucking minute songs.

But this shit dominates the charts, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Bring the fun and curiosity back.

School education? Mostly rinse and repeat, learn from heart and do as you are told.

First job? Take these bread crumbs, shit out gold ingots, please.

There are few who had either very kind and gifted teachers / persons in their life or had a strong will / desire to learn by / for themselves - but it's hard to combine fun and curiosity with the - most of the time - very harsh reality and environment we live in.

I'd really wish that it would get back to fun and curiosity and not the endless myriad of bitching, hissing and fighting it usually is.

What I find most tiresome in education is the overflow of information with no value - most content is outdated, wrong, harmful, not precise and especially not helpful.

Thinking about good education I've got very fond memories of hanging out in IRC chats, talking with people who were "ancient" (la me 15-20, them 40 plus ;) ) and not being "shood" away, but rather getting fed by book recommendations, hints, appointments when they had more spare time to explain in private IRC sessions etc.

The atmosphere was always a "we might not have time for it, but we'll try and don't worry if you don't understand it".

When I'm trying to find information today... It's really 90 - 95 % filtering, 4 % try and error, 1 % finding what I need.

Help. I'm drowning in spaghetti code

I've been working at a working student (15 hours/ week) at a local software company for about a month now... and with everything I learned at college I'm kind of getting eye cancer here.
We still use SVN
We don't have any coding guidelines. No checkstyle, no overview over the program. When I started there I was just giving a ticket and they said good luck.
We just have some basic RCPTT Tests inside Eclipse and most of Themen don't work in the trunk because the gui got changed...
At least we have a ticket system but it doesn't get used by most of the working students.
I found 10 other bugs while reproducing and trying to fix 1 bug.
And I've never seen Java raped so badly. Today I saw a line that started with 6 brackets because whoever wrote it wanted to cast like there was no tomorrow. I see more instanceof in one day than in my whole devlife before.
The only thing we have is two normal employees that review our code before we are allowed to commit it into the trunk.
So yeah... I'm drowning in spaghetti-code.

> be me
> starts job at a new company
> team likes me, coworkers appreciate my skills
> bosses have plans for my future
> insomnia hits
> wakes up at noon
> 15 missed calls, 20 unread messages at the start of my second week, some from the client firm
> cuss-word.jpeg

Please tell me it's not that bad and I'm not the only one that gets bent over by poor sleeping habits :(

Added new hidden function in my service: If you don't reply with "thanks" after I send you requested data, I will not reply to your requests for 15 minutes.
Clients really need to learn some manners and I'm here to help.

How Bad I'm at frontend Development: about 3 year ago i accidentally wrote </from> instead of </form> while working on the frontend of a website, everything just went bonkers. Took me 10+ hours to realize my mistake.
In my opinion frontend devs are real hero they have to learn multiple frameworks, and make website respinsive and work on IE at the same time. Idk Why the fuck clients still want their website to work on IE (fuck you Carl, your users are of age group 15-22 they don't even know wtf IE is)
P. S. At that time i didn't knew HTML validators are a thing.

!dev

I'm doing some solo karaoking again but with some oldies that I haven't sung in probably 10-15 years. Not my usual song track.

And since I'm deaf, I can't hear the tune, just see the timed words. And just found it interesting the general tune can be recalled at first at all.

Then after a few times, I started remembering how some of the actual singers sound like. But still stumble a bit on some parts.

And then a few weeks. And I have another session and somehow I can pretty much lip sync it with all the emotions and almost perfectly I think.

I just found it strange and wanted to write this down somewhere while I still remember it. And I guess that's sorta the point. Feels like the mind/subconscious to remember things really well but recalling them at either the right moment or randomly....

Anyone else have similar experiences? Wanna share?

!rant
Arduino CNC
Hey guys.
Since I mostly see frameworks to use with G-Code in Arduino CNCs I'm gonna make my own framework, where you don't need to know G-Code and the code is executed by Arduino code.
The code would include a template to define steppers steps and such.
Would include a library to work with different stepper shields.
Would this interest to anyone?

I'll provide a full example with stuff to learn for any amateur working with CNCs or that want to work with one. If you're not interested, thank you for reading, you can stop here.

Ex:
X(10);
Y(-5.5);
XY(6,7.5);
Z(-10);
This framework would only use incremental coordinates and will work for basic forms, drilling and such.

<Tutorial>
Coordinates.
Coordinates can be relative/incremental or absolute.
Lets say you have a square with 10mm, (top coordinates: (X=0,Y=0) to (X=10,Y=10).
think your drawing this square.
First line:
X0, Y0
Absolute: x10,y0
Relative: X+10
Second line:
A: x10,y10
R: Y+10
Third Line (...)
Absolute is a fixed point (coordinate)
Relative is a distance to move (not a coordinate but the distance and direction)
</Tutorial>

So, to cut a square with a TR10 (end mill with radius=5, diameter=10)

<code>
// You don't place + in positive values
// The tool always cut in the direction of the tool rotation, meaning on the left of the material.
Z(10); // Security Distance
XY(-5,0); //Compensate the diameter of the tool in radius
Z(-1); // Z=0 is the top of the block to mill, in this case. Z=0 can also be in the bottom
Y(15); //Second Point
X(15); // Third Point
Y(-15); // Forth point
X-15; // Fifth Point
(repeat)
</code>
Now we have a block with 1mm depth. If you use a while or for you can repeat the sequence for x=n passages, change the value to Z for the depth and your done.

I'm hal laughting, half facepaling.

Use multiple servers they said
It's gonna balance automaticlly your load they said.

Well, they didn';t accoubnt for a MEGA badly writen API whic can block a whole server for a minute.

Or, but it's not the end !!!

So you see ? 1 at 100%, 1 at 0% ? Quick maths : Average 50%.

Autoscaling kicks in at average 40% for 2 minutes.

So it kicks in... Created a 3d server... Which is still booting !!

And some trafic redirected there.

Sooo. Users on a 100% server : Bad bad bad for them
Users on 0% server : No problems
users on a new 3d server : Wait 15 seconds, then it's like 0%.

Fun fun fun. At least I know now which fucking API does that.

1. I'm sick with a cold. I'm dying.

2. You know, it feels like some objects' destiny is bound to mine. Like this woolen shawl that over 15 years ago I used to use to keep my head warm in the heavy snow, then forgot it existed and now it resurfaced as I was talking to mom about my head being cold while having the cold.

3. If things go well, this shawl will come with me on my next trip. That is, if this cold doesn't make a stop in afterlife.
**achoo**

First thing, I love my colleague. I know him for 15 years and I'm under 30. But I freaking hate when he picks his nose FOR ALL THE DAY LONG and uses shared mouses and keyboards, leaving them unable to use. I have to clean all that mess and no matter what we say he still do it. :(

Dev of 15 years here. All my career historically started and evolved/revolved around Microsoft in one way or the other, so was my exposure to only DOS and the Windows as a child and growing up.

Like already discussed in multiple rants here, I was one of those naturally Windows -favoring ppl through all my life. That is not to say I didn't try Linux here and there, for hosting of personal projects, as one usually does. But it never quite stuck with me as a personal daily driver, mainly because all I ever needed for personal use was a browser, discord, and Steam/GOG/Epic Games store for gaming (work-wise I always had and still have company provided laptops which are OF COURSE Windows powered)

Anyway, maybe you can see where I'm going with this... I recently gave Nobara Linux a go (Glorious Eggroll's Fedora flavor, with some custom kernel patches) and I have to say, not thinking of going back to Windows at all.

Just a few thoughts on comparing two sets of experiences with Win vs Nobara
- Win definitely feels more sluggish
- Nobara's default desktop env was Gnome 42 with some extensions pre-enabled. I dove right into hacking/customizing it to my tastes and it looked glorious. Never would have achieved this customization with Win
- I was using RDP to remote into my work laptop from my personal desktop setup with Windows and I still successfully do so with Remmina now in Linux
- A week ago I dove deeper and installed Awesome window manager as a UI and mh boy does this feel intimidating at first. But then the allure of having nice window managing experience was too strong, and 15 years of coding do help with just seeing a new language and kinda feeling at home instantly (Lua language for AwesomeWM customization/themes). Fast forward a week and now I'm sitting happily with 3 monitor setup, one of them vertical, all properly auto aligned with arandr on startup, variety+wal for wallpaper auto circling and applying a theme out of main wallpaper colors every so often (+wrote a script to put those main colors into my RGB peripherals via OpenRGB)
- Gaming. I still game, Steam Deck from steam gave me all the confidence to set up Linux gaming that I needed. I think I am now properly versed in all things Wine/Proton/Lutris/Bottles/Heroic Games Launcher, you name it. Recently finished Cyberpunk 2077.

ANYWAY, thank you for coming to my Linux appreciation TED talk. It's amazing.

fck you visual studio!!! seriously what is wrong with you?!?
~me peacfully writing some code ~
ok let's see what we did
vs: I can't compile that. The key whateverKey in line 15 is not defined.
me: ok let's investigate...
nowhere in line 15 use whateverKey.... ok....
wait I didn't change that file at all.
~me clicking rebuild solution~
vs: can't build that because of whateverKey in line 15.
me : WTF?!?
checking git diff -> file not changed
me okkkkkkk......
closing visual studio and reopening solution.
Build succeeded.
What the actuall hell?!?
I'm spending way too much time trying to get that shity peace of software to do what it is supposed to do!

Before going home, decided to do an upgrade from ubuntu 16.04 to 18.04...

Leave it to do its charm.

*a morning later*
See laptop on off state, "hmm..."
Turning in on, *press power buton*
Booting... Purple-ish screen appear.. Nothing happened for 20 minutes.

"fck."

Hard reboot, going to grub menu,
1. Ubuntu*
2. Advance option

Choose ubuntu.
Booting...
"root mount not found, bla bla bla
Kernel panic..."

"fck."

15 chrome tabs later (on mobile),
Do something on shit...

Finally proceed to login screen.
Insert password, enter.

Loading... Blank... 3 seconds later, tadaaa.. Going back to login screen.
Do it trice, I'm stuck at login screen.

"fck."

20 chrome tabs later,

Finally got in. Have a "what's new" screen.

Ok, feels different... But its slow af. Hmm maybe reboot will do something.

Rebooting...

Login screen, insert password, enter..
3 seconds later..
Bam. Going back to login screen...

"fck."

Another chrome tabs later... Resolved the issue.

And finally I can take a breath, but still has a headache because of little thing likes:
1. Right click not working
2. Workspace not work as expected likes in 16.04
3. Screenshot behavior
4. No animation When moving a window to another workspace.

When almost anything is solved and I'm ready to do my works, I just realised something..

I just wasted 4 hours of my workday.

"fck."

Laptop battery went from 98% to 15% to 5% to 3% with 'no battery' occasionally in about 20 mins WHILE PLUGGED IN.
Worst part? I bought it in Thailand so even though it's in warranty, I cant get it repaired coz I'm in US.

Recently got out of the military now I work a full time job, have a wife and a 15 month old son, go to college full time online and try to learn Java and android development in my other time. I want to work as a developer so badly but I'm just not good enough yet. It's also super hard to know what level of knowledge you need to obtain a job because all entry level positions want you to have years of experience in 10 fucking languages and shit like what the fuck? No breaks, hungry to succeed.

I have a new boss who was hired today. Well, I guess he's supposed to be a 2nd in command to my current supervisor, but I still have to report to him too I guess.

This dude is a high-sodium seasoned dev, and the kind who thinks anyone who's been in the industry less than 15 years should be at best a test engineer or thrown into the 7th ring of Customer Support.

Ugh. I'm now out of gin, which was my backup to my scotch. And this prick expects me to have a PR ready for him to review on a whole new application I've been working on for the last 2 weeks by midday tomorrow. And today was his first day.

I'm pretty sure my clients would fail the marshmallow test 9/10 times if not 10/10 times. We have a certain time period of the day set aside for me to look into new reported bugs but besides that I'm supposed to work on regular tasks. Of course, they ask me five hours after that time period is done, whether I can look into a new (non-urgent) bug. At the cost of the new thing they want to launch in 2 weeks. 🤔 I would love it if we actually had time to fix every single bug in the codebase but what typically happens is I get about 15 bug reports (most duplicates) and I'm expected to fix all of them in a span of 2 hours.

in personal projects, it is really easy to tell when I'm horny. you will find variable names like
- hotVar
- sluttyVar
- FUCK_ME_VAR

15 minutes after that commit naming becomes
- var

So, I've been working as a developer for 15 years almost. I recently started what could reasonably be described as my dream job. As in absolutely fucking awesome. Really interesting product, sane technology, nice co-workers, decent salary, 100% remote.

So, why am I suffering from motivation issues? I find it difficult to get started on the simplest tasks. and looking at the check-ins from my coworkers is intimidating. I had a phase of burnout previously so I'm watching that in myself too...

So far the best solutions I've found are.
1 Coffee, lots of coffee.
2 quick catch-up calls so that I'm reassured I'm actually doing the right work and the quality is good enough.
3 following TDD strictly and not thinking too far ahead on each iteration. (I recommend "99 bottles of OOP")

A becomes B
B becomes C
C becomes A
D becomes B
E becomes A

Now add real hostnames... Make this list longer (roughly 15-18)

Add resource calculation, migration of VMs, organizing new hardware, removing and rebuilding hosts, etc.

I think my brain is permanently damaged and cannot be repaired.

Hardware migration finally over tomorrow.

I really won't miss the fuckton of Excel lists, constant speaking mistakes, having sore fingers from mutilating the desk calculator etc.

I'm too tired to be happy. But... It's over.

Last job search experience?

I just had an interview today.
15 minutes in, the interviewer isn't done with the dumb questions and is consistent in using incorrect C++ terms. I was close to texting mates about this awful interview but I had camera on, so didn't. (Side rant: hate those entitled interviewing fucks who ask you to turn on your cam while never turning on theirs, and when you ask them, they'll say their connection is weak).

Twice he suggested something wrong or just bad. Corrected his wrong, but he didn't seem to be convinced. Allowed the bad.

Then he asked why am I looking for a change and his reactions to my answers made me realize he hadn't read my resume that was attached with the meeting invite. I assumed he was asking why I'm leaving my current shithole so soon but he was just generally asking why I'm looking for a change. And then he seemed not to believe me when I said I quit because of the stress. Kept asking about other offers and such.

In the end he asked if I'm cool with relocating, and I said not right now, maybe later. All in all, it's not the kind of place that's vibing with me even on short term.

So I'll be back on this week's topic next week too. Perhaps.

OH MY GOD! I really just want to comment to that guys answer on stackoverflow, that he's right and his answer works... but I have only 4 reputation - because I'm a good dev searching intensively, finding an answer to almost everything a can think of!

If I ever get over 15 reputation (it's so sad, I know) stackoverflow will explode because of all my upvotes that are not counted until then... At least something satisfying here :/

When a client schedules a meeting for 2:15 and I'm like damn could we do 2:17?

So when I joined the company 2 months ago I was told they offered flexible working, today I received this email. (I can't help but think it is aimed at me given I often arrive between 9 and 10....I'm always the last to go home)

Oh and yes they have named some of the team DevOps and others just Developers, they haven't quite grasped the concept!
-----------------------------------------------------

Morning All,

I have been noticing the start time for all the team members. Some like to start early while some likes the late start. So before Senior management raises any questions below is the shift pattern I would like everyone to stick to it.

I have assigned name against each of the shift which I am aware of. If you would like to change it please let me know. We need at least one Developer between 08:00- 17:30 and at least one Devops between 07:00 – 17:30.

If we have any emergency issues and takes longer to fix it , I would appreciate if you guys can work after your shift. We can adjust this overtime by leaving early next day or whenever possible.

7:00 – 15:30 - @Michael Smith
7:30 – 16:00 - @Sarah Twist @Jim Bob
8:00 – 16:30 - @Lesley Matthews
8:30 – 17:00 - @Bill Best
9:00 – 17:30- @Jennifer Rowe @me!
9:30 – 18:00

I feel fucked, I feel fucked right up in the ass.

Remember that app I had to do to get the job? I found out the other candidates weren't even able to install Android Studio and that their deadline was postponed. And that they weren't able to complete the app.

I did everything with a really good design, solid programming, even added animations and made it so the recyclerview loads 15 items at a time while you scroll down smoothly. I. DID. EVERYTHING IN ONE DAY. I missed a good night of sleep.

I didn't get the job. They gave it to a fucker that was a web developer. I saw his app. It was really crappy (I'm not being petty or malicious, it was really bad from a dev point of view and a user point of view).

I feel. Disappointed. in this unfair world. And honestly I feel disappointed to the point that I don't even know if I should be a developer anymore. I feel betrayed by the hopes and the good feeling I got from the oportunity.

Not work, but was very pissed off anyways.

So, today my C# lecturer was teaching about escape sequences in strings. Specifically, he's showing how to escape the single quotes character ( ' ) since we're learning about how to send SQL queries as well.
He started writing on the whiteboard the following and said that this was how to escape the single quotes character in a string:
\' "abc123" \'
Me and one of my classmates looked at this and started to ask questions, since this is definitely not how you do it. Somehow, the lecturer could not understand us. We tried to explain it the best we could, starting from verbally, then writing on the whiteboard, then even showing code on a laptop. For some unknown reason the lecturer still couldn't understand where he was wrong and both of us just gave up after 15 minutes of trying to explain it.
Mind you, most of the class had little to none prior programming experience, me and said classmate are one of the few that actually programmed before, so all my other classmates were just very confused as to what is right and what is wrong.
Now I'm really questioning my lecturer's abilities....

That's it, I'm done. I'm SO. FUCKING. DONE. Whoever created such a badly monkey ass coded shit and named it "Drupal" should have been aborted with a fucking hanger.

No one was here today because they were all at a Drupal Con that I never heard of. Glad I didn't. So they told me "yeah there are one year bug to fix, if you could do them all in a one work day that'd be greaaaaat". FUCK. YOU.

This shit is slowly sucking my passion away, and while I could spend 15 hours to code per day a few months ago, now I'm stuck to debugging shit that should have work without a Drupal environment. Tomorrow I'm going to see my manager and tell him to get me the fuck out of this and make me do something that would make me enjoy living again. I can't believe I'm getting trouble for this kind of low shit stuff, really.

And it started to rain. Fuck.

The scrum master for the project I'm working on decided to help out with changing some code (I'll add he's got a master's in software engineering and very proud about it..aka..big ego). It took him two days...yes two days to write the attached code.
I reviewed his code and sent back a response (code took about 15 seconds to write) including the link to the logging documentation explaining what fields were and were not necessary. Not sure how will look in devrant ...

var data = new InformationalDataPoint
{
Properties =
{
["RMANumber"] = rma,
["InvoiceID"] = invoiceId
}
};
Logger.Log(data);

He's stopped talking to me. Our next scrum meeting with the product owner should be ...um...awkward.

Man, I'm a second week intern at a company, and the anxiety that I have is making me stupid. I literally lose all of my coding skills, stuff that I could do at home in 15 minutes takes hours at work.

Am I crazy, or will this go away.

( am a naturally stressed and anxious person, I know this is not good)

"Ralph" has been working on a process that updates a field in a SharePoint list and bellying aching for almost a month. Couldn't use the C# client, too hard...tried to use the SharePoint REST entry point, using C# too complex...Javascript also was overly complex. Tried to use PowerShell, that worked but could only run on the SharePoint Server and it didn't have access to the 3rd party system.

In our stand up this morning, again, he was belly aching he is still not done because of the complexity of SharePoint.

I thought "Good lord...what the frack is the problem? Surely other devs in the world aren't having this much of a problem."

Fire up google...search for an example...copy the MSDN C# example...run it...tada...updated the SharePoint list just fine. Maybe 15 minutes of effort (< 20 lines of mostly copy+pasted code).

Next stand up, I'm contemplating calling him out on the BS, but I suspect he had working code for a while. Wouldn't be the first time he has dragged his ass working on a project until folks get fed up waiting and he has an "intellectual breakthrough" and brags how all his effort was worth the time. Similar to the firefighter who starts fires just so he can 'be the hero'.

Years ago, one of my friends in college was taking an intro to CS class. He asked me for help on one of his assignments. It was a simple Python program, but it wasn't running as expected. I go in figuring it will be easy to fix. But everything looks exactly right. An hour later I'm tearing my hair out! It isn't even entering the function although it's clearly called. I'm beginning to feel very self conscious, as a CS major who can't even debug a 15 line program for a friend.

Then it hit me. This is Python. I used an editor macro to convert all indentation to tabs, lined them up, and it ran on the first try. Turns out, he had somehow ended up with a mixture of tabs and spaces.

I'm not sure what the takeaway is, but I think he got a surprisingly honest introduction to the life of a developer...

Be a fellow who's distracted af. You just had a presentation in another city. You're driving home and a light lits up saying you need gas. You stop at the petrol station, pour in some gas, grab a cop of joe while you're at it, pay and leave. You're 15minutes away from the gas stop already and an unknown number is calling you. You pick it up. A male voice says

Voice: "hello, this is police. Did you just leave a gas stop 15 minutes ago?"

You: *wtf, what the fuck did I do now!* "yes, I sure did."

Voice: "you forgot to pay for the fuel"

you: *oh shit, he's right! I remember now - I only paid for the coffee! Shit! I'm in trouble now. *
"oh.. Right, you're right, I forgot... I'll turn around and come back to pay

Voice: "wait, don't rush, I may be able to help you. I'll call you back, keep your phone close" *hangs up*

5 minutes later phone rings again.

Voice: "can you pull over, please? Here's a phone number of that gas stop. Give them a call, I'm sure you'll sort it our. Have a nice day!" *hangs up*

you call that number. A woman picks up.

You: "hello, I forgot to pay you for the gas, gimme a few minutes - I'll turn around and get back to you"

Operator: "do not worry, I think I can help you! You can pay for it at your home town if you like, but I'm afraid they might not be working today. But they will tomorrow! Would that be OK for you?"

you: "umm, yeah, of course! It's my fault - anything is OK for me!"

operator: "ooorrr.. I could pay for you now and you would pay me back. Would that work? Here's my bank account, I'll pay for you when you send me those 50 something €"

a fantasy story? Made up story? Bed time stories? Dysney movie plot? Phishing? Canada?

No. This is Lithuania :) believe it or not, this is a true story, and there are more like this one.
Respect to the police!

I started to get interested in programming at the age of 13. I was started spending a lot time in our school library and read mostly technical books (beginner/hobbyist stuff) about electronics.
Some book was about Quick Basic (hence my username).
On Windoze 95 in a DOS mode IDE I started trying stuff out and soon I had my first tiny console game.
A bit later I started with HTML and CSS stuff, made a website about ongoing jokes in our class and some rants, later I got into VB6 (I hate VB nowadays!) and wrote for a personal school project a learning software (relatively simple one) to learn vocabulary for foreign languages.

At about 15 I started with C++ and later C# .NET, which I liked the most, and started on some new Windows.Forms stuff, created some small websites.

Now I'm working parttime as a professional developer (mostly web, but VR & .NET too) and studying EE at a university.

My parents had no experience with computers at all, so I learned everything myself an with the help of the allmighty internet (the black box with the red dot on top).

That's my story. ;)

Insert your rant about this below this line:
-----------------------------------------

It's not always certain whether we do a morning standup, so usually someone asks "su?" in our Slack chat around 9:15

I'm _so_ tempted to send the flag of the Soviet Union every time someone asks that.

I hate apples. I buy them at the grocery store. They taste bland, they don't have any smell and by eating them I don't get any positive emotions.

Well, at least this is the conclusion in my head every autumn after a year of eating store bought apples.

Then the end of autumn comes/winter begins and I visit my grandparents, who live in a village. I get a bag of apples (15-20 kgs) and this bag smells wonderful. Heck, the car smells wonderful for a few days after transporting the bag back home.

My grandparents give around 7-8 varieties of apple, mixed. Each and every one of them tastes amazing, even if I have to cut some spots out from a few. They don't always look perfect, but I think these are the noble ones and the store bought would be the peasants.

I know, it's kind of obvious, that the homegrown fruits are better, but it still amazes my tastebuds every year, plus I'm really grateful for having my grandparents.

I'm working part time as I'm a student and I always thought working in a company would be awesome as I learned programming all by myself and could actually do things now.
30% is updating, compiling
50% is using google to find out if I can even use 27 .net frameworks together and make it work on Android and iOS
15% is finding out what the error code is supposed to mean
And 5% is actually using a programming language.

During Summer school (yeah I'm an idiot) I disabled this LanSchool Helper thing with a few lines of powershell script(fuck windows, havent used it since I was like 15) that allowed the teacher to see what the students were doing on their computers. Instead of finishing my failing courses I was then able to spend the rest of my time that Summer honing my programming skills.

I graduated a year late, but had easily become the best programmer that school district had ever seen 😎 And by impressing the kids sitting next to me while I browsed docs, blogs, stack overflow, and youtube - rose to be a Summer school legend.

I am a dev badass. I am legend. 😂

Loving this platform and I'm very close to being convinced of getting the sexy black theme, but only when my stickers arrive, living in India.

When can I expect them on my bae(XPS 15), since I sent the mail about 3 days ago.. CANT WAITTTYYYY

Why don't people respond to emails? Everyone complains that things could be handled in an email instead of having a meeting. Well maybe you should start replying to my simple fucking questions so I don't have to send meeting notices. You always accept the meeting notices but you NEVER reply to emails! What the fuck people? Now I'm arranging a meeting for 15 minutes just to get a simple is yes or no question answered, are you kidding me here? You're part of the problem! You are THE ENTIRE problem!! You know how much of my time I've wasted getting no answers in IMs and emails?! Should I try smoke signals? It's not even a hard question! Will someone be at the site on the day we need them to be?! How hard is that question to answer!? Evidently im-fucking-possible!

1 Week ago I took down the development version of an internal demo, leaving only the prod one (temporary space issue). Colleagues were told n+15 times via email, face to face, comments on tickets etc. The prod one has also been live for weeks, and again, they were told when it went up.

This just happened:

Colleague 1: practiseSafeHex can you help me, the demo doesn't seem to be working.

Me: *logs in*, *click around* ... seems fine dude. Are you using the correct URL: <prod-url>.

Colleague 1: let me try again and see.
Colleague 2: practiseSafeHex i'm with Colleague 1, were trying to use the demo, and its not working. Can you have a look, we need it.

Me: I just told him, its fine, I think you have the wrong URL <prod-url>. Can you try again.

Colleague 2: No I have the right one, can you check it.

Me: *does nothing*, yep i've had a look at it, can you try again: <prod-url>.

Colleague 2: Ah its back now, cheers.

They are with a customer now, so I won't say anything, when they get back, one of them is being castrated.

What a coincidence. JQuery gets an update to 3.4.0 - and I removed the JQuery dependency that a mid-sized widget (15 kB minified) needed.

Rewriting the selector, css and trim stuff was easy. Each, children, append, empty, remove and extend were not too hard. Animations gave me more headache, but in the end, JS triggered CSS transitions worked nicely.

I was able to shave off the usual 30 kB over the wire for JQuery, and the whole thing seems snappier. Finally, I'm at vanilla everything!

Of course, it's largely due to JQuery's merits that vanilla JS is where it is today. So, thank you JQuery, and farewell.

I'm fucking tired of putting my efforts into bug fixes.

5 years of web. I never had a client that likes to keep it's crappy slow piece of shit product on the market in the exact same way it is.

If they didn't sell it to state employees (and good luck for them if they do not use it) their product would be dead.

That's the only way they get money: bids. And the minimum a state pays is 15 MILLION.

And they don't have 90K to pay another dev to help creating a new product.

Their CEO fucking REJECTS anything that's not a bug fix. Once he said to our PM:

"It's pretty and more fast, but wasn't this way that made me rich"

I'm thinking I'm getting another client, seriously. Everyday the same thing breaks and they already know the fucking answer:

WE NEED TO FUCKING REFACT

CREATE A NEW FUCKING PROJECT

This shit is making crazy. I can't sleep. I can't eat and I'm always fucking tired, no matter what I do.

I need to stop working for Brazilians.
I'll try US, Canada or somewhere in Europe.

The convo between my friend and me back then
He: dude I heard you can code can you help me with this coding challenge on codechef
Me: bro, I try to let's check the problem
After 15-30 min we solve the question together
Then after 3 days or so he again meets me
He: do you know about Kali Linux
Me: no man not heard of Linux but what is Kali seems interesting
He: trying to hack WiFi
Me: *getting excited* bro teach me
He: I'm learning too
That day he got to know he can't hack WiFi and I got to know that my friend doesn't know jack shit about Linux, also Linux is awesome
But that moment changed my whole engineering life, I got to learn about Linux and I'm getting good at it every single day since then.
It's been 3 year since I met that fucker.
Tagging my amigo @ashwini0529

qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came

*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!

*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown*

I've been a Macbook user for over a decade, after the initial disappointment of the 2016 MacBook Pro release I decided to move to a PC, against my better judgement I decided to buy a new Dell XPS 15, after reading all the reviews praising it's build quality and performance + it seems to have good hardware for Linux compatibility.
Soo much regret, I couldn't be more disappointed, it's such a piece of shit, I admit I probably got a bad egg, but dealing with Dell support is like pulling hairs from my testicle sack. If I have to pay an extra $500-$1000 on my next laptop for an "Apple Tax" to get a product that has been through proper quality control and has awsome customer service so be it, last time I try something new.
BTW I'm not a PC hater, I just wish more companies made high quality products.

My "code" a little over a year ago. I was 13. 😂 I'm 15 now and my knowledge is incredible.

In This Rant: A mildly satisfying piece of mind story.

Using code to prove yourself right is a hell of a drug.

A few weeks ago I whipped up a tiny program that downloads configs from hardware we manage. Since the vendor's API documentation is hidden behind a pay wall, my method of extraction is different. It results in bigger files, but testing showed it to still be valid.

Enter today. Interns at work downloaded a config to load onto a spare machine and it won't work.

"TheCapeGreek, your configs don't work"

I was confused since I tested the files when I built it and it worked. I am also currently fleshing out that download utility's features so the fear that I've been wasting the past 2 weeks on improvements is looming.

Last 15 minutes of the day and nothing else to do so I figured I might as well whip up a string comparer. The smaller file's content is scattered in the big file so a direct diff won't work.

Code it all, quick hardcoded proof of concept code, bit it got the job done. I was right, my bigger file is still correct!

Turns out the issue was with the machine they were configuring. They found this out before I finished my test code, so I'm off the hook already, but it was good to have piece of mind haha!

Since I bought my laptop the screen was scaled to 125% (1080p display) so that it looks like a ~768p display.
I like it, it looks good, but now I'm trying it at 100% scaling (15" screen).
Yes, everything looks so small now, and my eyes cried for the first 10 minutes, but I'm starting to like it.

Do you have any similar experience? What do you prefer, 100%, 125% or something else? Why?

Animator for 15+ years. Started self learning python a few months back. I made my first useful app today... Move the cursor every 10 seconds. 2019 is off to a good start.

I'm new to programming but I already love devRant.

Happy New Year everyone! 😀

!dev

The constant fight between my parents left me traumatized for years. In this lockdown I'm home, for almost after a year, same fight. I was speaking, I was calm. But my body was in a flight reaction, my legs were shivering violently my mind was calm though.
Now they are still fighting, it's as always very abusive, and now I'm just in my bed feeling a bit of just like what I used to feel during my childhood. I thought that things are fine in my family again, we can be reasonable now. We can cultivate good relationships finally but now, I feel the same I as used to do when I was 15, I want to leave. Leave this house. I want to be alone.

I don't care for Slack. There's nothing wrong with Slack. I just don't find a need for it when I already had email + IM. You know what I hate, though. People who show up one day and force Slack down the throat of an organization because "collaboration". Now, every day I hear "I didn't see that. Oh, you put in on Slack? Which channel?", "I put in on Slack", "I don't ever check my email, I just have Slack open", "Instead of filling up your inbox, I'm going to post this on 15 different slack channels" (which is why I have all the channels muted). All from people who can't type 10 words in a row without an emoji.

I'm not a freelancer! made my account on Fiverr back in 2017 during college never really used it. Eventually logged into Fiverr last night and got a message from a girl who was worried about her college project. It was just a weather app in JS. That I created by copy-pasting from some indian guy's blog over internet in 15 minutes. I didn't know if it is ethical she was like praising me for making a good app in just $60. It doesn't feel good but here is her review😂

While I was exploring multiplication tables I stumbled on something cool.
Take any power of 2 on the multiplication chart.
Now look at the number in the bottom left adjacent box.
The difference of these two numbers will always be a Mersenne number.
Go ahead. Starting on the 2's column of a multiplication table, look in the bottom left of each power of 2 and get the difference.

2-2 = 0
4-3= 1
8-5 = 3
16-9=7
32-17=15

etc.

While the online journal of integer sequences lists a lot of forumlas, I just wrote what came to mind (I'm sure its already known):
((2**i)-(((2**i)/2)+1))

The interesting thing about this is it generates not only the Mersenne numbers, but if you run i *backwards* it generates *additional* numbers.
So its a superset of mersenne numbers.

at i = 0 we get -0.5
i=-1 -> -0.75
i=-2 -> -0.875
i=-3 -> -0.9375
i=-4 -> -0.96875

And while this sequence is *not* mersenne numbers, mersenne numbers *are* in this set.

Just a curious discovery is all.

Any other Screeps players here?

for the people running into a "Screeps is not defined":
Screeps is a MMO RTS where you code your "army" to do stuff in Javascript (a la NodeJS).
Code how your harvesters should behave, how your soldiers should behave, how your builders should behave etc. etc.

So far, it is quite a fun game, tho my (Intel Nehalem based) laptop has issues handling it (thanks to a awfully slow GPU...) so it's difficult to play for me at the moment (I'm on holiday, my home PC is a LOT faster).
It costs about 15 euro on steam, and if you're into this stuff, it's well worth it.
Just make sure you finish the tutorial first... I didn't and I regretted it when I bought the game (it's a huge pain in the buttocks to get started if you don't understand the API and such).

Currently just playing on my own localhosted private server to discover how the game works and such, but will be setting up a public server later down the road to play with others.
Tho it would be nice if Screeps would allow for "team-based" gameplay as well so it'll be slightly harder for early players to bully the newer ones.

I hate how difficult it is just to schedule a meeting. Friday at 10 becomes Monday at 10 becomes Tuesday at 9:30 for some reason. Now I'm standing here, meeting is pushed to 10 anyway, and everyone is waiting on the director who's taking his sweet time. So now it's 10:15 and we're just waiting, hoping we can just get some actual work done before lunch.

I'm curious...
I ended up in a job in which I'm the sole developer (state education databases). Good, well paying job. No complaints there, but I haven't been part of a Dev team since my college days almost 15 years ago. I keep up my skills in personal projects.

I use git, like most developers these days, to track my code and move it between my desktop and laptop. However, while I have a GitHub account, I tend to be very"shy" with my code. I usually won't start putting the repository online until the application I'm working on has its intended cute functionality at least... Functional.

That said, I've read articles that suggest developers should almost start their project repositories online right from the start.

My question is... Are there any others like me, holding back their code until it's functional, or do most of you code completely in public (for open source projects, anyway)?

I'm a backend developer and one day my team lead asked me to make a architecture diagram of our system, which he had to put in a PPT and demo it to a client. I did it for 15-20 minutes. And I completely hated doing it. I went and said "I will not do it". He then just took it from me and did it.. which he is supposed to. Felt very Very good doing that!!

Do you guys have any issue with Firefox lately?

It's lagging and hanging a lot on my laptop since like two weeks ago.

I usually run like 2 windows with no more than 7 tabs each. So 15 tabs max in total.

The rest of service I run are sublime, terminal, Mailspring on my lubuntu LAMP stack. :(

The latest app I installed and used is Mailspring, so if nobody has similar issue, I'm gonna disable it and test.

Somebody in my neighborhood is helping me get a job. I'm 15. He's awesome.

After like 15 odd years using MySQL I'm about to delve into the world of document orientated databases ... Wish me luck :)

I am able to work 15 hours on my pet project then take a short walk outside and feel like a balanced man, but even just an hour on a commercial project is a massive effort even though the code is clean, the stack is modern, I'm good friends with the client and I also like the concept. The mere fact that I'm doing it for money takes the fun out of it.

Holy crap. I am so torn between getting a razer blade 15 and an XPS 15.

I am going for the small-but-powerful build because I keep finding myself coding on the go (with GoLang, snicker).

I was pretty happy with my Dell Inspiron 14 even though I had issues with Linux in the beginning. But my main gripe right now is how heavy it is to lug around together with it's charger--which I can't leave without anymore.

I'm looking at both laptops' 1800 USD configuration which pretty much have similar specs. And I also did some research about how each plays with Linux and they pretty much have the same (fixable) problems.

What I wanna know from the fine folks here is what their experience have been like. Cause I know I can make it work with Linux but if the total experience is just meh then I don't think they're worth the hefty price tags.

I've been working for 6 months now, and the boss tells me he's not satisfied with my work compared to someone that has 15+ years experience. He clearly states that for him - it's more important lines of code, than planning and defining the architecture which he don't like because that doesn't provide anything...

Of course, I can just jump into the code if that is whats important. I've seen the code produced by the other guy, and its shit.

The guy is a talker, and knows how to talk. I'm more like, hey lets create a simple design prototype or do some UML diagrams to get a better visualization of what we need.

Anyway, its just annoying to be compared to someone with many years of experience, its not that I can achieve it overnight...

I'm in sad nostalgia....

32MB BIOS updates take a loooong time.

Reset...

Hey. i'm updatinf the LED firmware.

Reset again.

Hey. I needed to reset all settings.

BIOS.

Fan detection for min rate.

Dozen settings changed.

Laggy mouse because EFI and graphics is slooooow...

I miss the old days of just keyboard based BIOS. And where updating didn't take 15 mins....

After having my soul suck away by "corporate", I installed VS code on my Windows 10 gaming machine.

Now, I have a pretty hardcore dev setup on my MacOS (it's unix-based and it's good, so stop the hate). I'm talking about fully automatized Rakefile that will provision it from scratch: vim, macvim, tmux, iterm configs, 15+ brew tools, 15+ brew-cask tools, themes, plugins, etc.

Installing VS Code, Node and MongoDB on Windows, just for the fun and giggles, and not having any of my hardcore tools, made me feel like... it's something silly and fun again. I'm once again that softcore developer with no stress and no constant self-reminder to improve workflow effectiveness.

Made me a little happy.

Checkout this picture, this is my Windows 10's "tmux" lol

Small laptop recommendations? Highest 15" I'll be installing Linux and mostly be programming doing research etc so don't need anything too power intensive I'm currently looking at the star lite ultrabook / laptop. Needs are long battery life, great keyboard.

Love working alongside Angular devs, I wanted to add a page with a table and a modal, ended up creating something like 15 files and I'm not even halfway through, must be nice living with a brain the size of a pea.

Update from the hackathon:

We decided to create a co-op game where you there is an agent on the field who has to reach an objective, while the operator guides him toward the exit on each level and opens/closes the remotely controlled doors for the agent. We want to add enemies that somehow will try to kill the agent, but we'll see what we manage to do. 🙄

Now I'm currently trying to sleep, but: Went to sleep at 2:15 and I have barely slept 2 fucking hours. Now it's 6:56. Still trying to sleep, but my brain is a cunt. 😲

So our company wants us to start learning/sharpening our Python skills for work. We signed up for CodeWars and ran through our first Kata today. I'm excited to learn, but I don't have any actual experience with anything but HTML/CSS and super basic JS for just things like animation... I feel like such a fucking moron trying to work through this Kata. Because our manager wanted us to only spend like 15-20 minutes on it. I spent over 4 hours trying to figure out the right place to even start, even with reading documentation and trying to find similar examples online and after 4 headsmashingly long hours I couldn't even get an idea of how to tackle the problem.

Watching python videos to try and figure this out...

Soo... Let me get this straight... My boss reeeeeeally wants me to reconfigure our database system to sync data between each of our 15 sites... Let me this about this...

Our database is an MS Access database originally written about 17 years ago. It was written as a standalone database that runs a unique instance for each of our sites.The person responsible for the database (still not the original developer) before I took over 6 years ago bragged about how they were "an 80s developer" (w...t...f!). Even with all of the fixes and additions (additions because... F&$#ing of course there are!) It's still basically held together by duct tape and spit.

Hmmm... Ok, still possible. What's the environment I'm working in... I have absolutely ZERO control of our workplace network... That's a whole other department. Due to the nature of the workplace (and it's sites) there is extreme limitation on network access.

Well... If I'm Reeeeeeally nice to the people in charge of the network, maaaaaybe they can give me access to a little server space.

A very long shot, but, doab.... Oh, the boss would really like this handled in the next couple months...

F$#k you! There is no way on God's (still) green earth that I... Alone... Can rewrite a legacy database... written across 4 or 5 different versions of FU$KING MS Access, and give 15 sites, with extremely limited networking, real time data sync in... Oh, a few months.

Now, I do not work with "computer people". I'm usually lucky when my coworkers remember their passwords (which, even if they don't, WHY tell ME! I don't run the network!)

And when I tell my boss basically what I just said... In a nice, pleasant way... They suggest I'm not giving the problem enough thought...

FU#K YOU IGNORANT ASS! Write me a ToDo list in MS Access (no, I'm not going to tell you where to start) in under an hour then, MAYBE, we can talk about... No... Just NO... Can't be done!

*Takes deep breath* so... Lovely weather we're having, right?

I'M CHANGING 200 + SSIS PACKAGES WHILE VISUAL STUDIO KEEPS ON CRASHING EVERY 15 MINUTES WITH SOME WEIRD UI ERROR THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PACKAGE ITSELF. ITS MAKING ME WANT TO GAUGE MY EYES OUT AND PULL OUT MY HAIR. FUCK MICROSOFT AND FUCK PEOPLE THAT MAKE ME USE THIS WORTHLESS TOOL!!!!!

Get a message from our teammate explaining o auth. First off, I mean come the fuck on. Second I was building our authentication for a fucking week. It's all around slack and the commit messages.

Then again when you don't even check the fucking repo ever, you won't know the progress. Yes, this is the jackass from my last rant. Sweetheart will only be able to be there 15 minutes before class ends today. Obviously, I'm not going as I don't care about the outcome of this shit at all at this point. I have access to the orgs and repos as the creator. Whenever I decide to get some real work done, I'll just ban his bitch ass.

I can't believe this fucker actually tried to explain o auth like he was talking to a child. I wrote back that he can look at the week long discussion we already had about authentication. Fucking idiot.

After spending 3 days trying to install Ubuntu on an XPS 15, I am ready to give up.
It's just not possible to install Linux on it, it will either freeze on install, freeze on boot, freeze on shutdown, or freeze in the middle of all of these.
Using the dedicated GPU is impossible since Nvidia are fucking retards. The touchpad constantly stops working.

The internet is filled with distro respins and 500 page long manuals on how to get things working on an XPS 15, but nothing works properly. Even the fucking keyboard backlight doesn't turn on without writing 100 things in GRUB

For those saying Linux is "faster" and "more reliable", well fuck right off, my unlit keyboard says otherwise, I'm done.