I was explaining to my mom how my company is in need of developers and how we'll need more of them in the future - to which she replied:

"oh... what are you going to do? You can't live without a job!"

- erm? What?

"Well - you're not smart like those guys. You'll probably get fired now."

- Wtf mom!? I'm a friggin lead dev and i've been a developer for like 10 years now!? 😳

*silence* "is that what you've been doing? I thought you just kept clicking on stuff"

*You can't make this shit up*

Recruiter: Hi, I saw your profile on LinkedIn and I think I have a great programmer opportunity for you today! Can you tell me a little bit about your experience?

Me: Sure, I mostly work with JavaScript and C# and have several years of experience in designing, developing, and deploying enterprise-level applications in production environments.

Recruiter: Hmm, um OK. Have you ever created programs using InDesign or Microsoft Word?

Me: Excuse me?

Recruiter: You know, anything like pamphlets or event brochures?

Me: Are you talking about physical paper programs such as those that accompany events/conferences?!

Recruiter: Yes! What else would I be taking about?

Me: I'm in the software development industry, so I thought you were talking about programming in that context.

Recruiter: Oh no! Those positions are for the men, sweety. I mean, I wouldn't expect any women to know that other techy stuff...

*Hangs up*

Has anyone here have crazy ideas of what they want to do in life, only to realise those might be absolutely pointless?

As I've studied Food Production Technology, I have this idea of somehow making it possible to mix phages in foods for vaccination purposes. Phages are natural viruses to bacteria, so they are difficult to be used in that way...

Another idea is to make simulations of life of bacteria of different kinds.

And study the hell out of some pretty weird genetic mutations that are purely esthetic, but shouldn't happen.

Yeah, I am into microbiology and genetics...

I'd also like to develop games...

I always wondered for what are those used.

When someone sees you code

FOR FUCK SAKE ANDROID STUDIO!!! 5GB RAM WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! I NEED THOSE VMs RUNNING AND USING 5GB IS NOT COOL AT ALL!!

The perfect example of misinformation appeared on a Dutch news site today.

It said that thousands of sites had the 'secure' *mark* due to running https but weren't actually secure because they were malicious.

Those cunts are mixing up the thing called a connection with fucking content/what happens on a site.

And those Russians are spreading fake information, right? You didn't even have examples of that and now you're doing it yourself.

Manager: I read an article today

Dev: oh here we go….

Manager: We must pivot to only functional programming, which means only using functions instead of classes

Dev: Actually functional programming is a bit more nuanced tha—

Manager: Any use of classes going forward is not allowed. Everything must use functions! Classes are an outdated way of programming, using classes is why we continue to miss our deadlines. Functional programming is lean, classes are waterfall.

Dev: What about the libraries we use? Many of those use classes

Manager: Wrap them in a function then, that way they are pure which is one of the requirements of functional programming. You would know that if you spent as much personal time as I do keeping up with the times.

I don't discriminate fellow devs. i don't care if you write Java or PhP, I don't care what OS you use to code, I don't care if all your software are free or not, I don't care what framework you use, I don't care about all this. The important part is being a dev. But, those bastards using light theme can go fuck themselves. 🤣

WhatsApp confirmed that ads are coming to the status part of the app!

Fucking finally.

What? Do I like ads? Oh no, I quit WhatsApp when Facebook bought it.

I just know some people who'll leave (mostly for Signal, some for telegram or wire) it the second the ads show up for the first time and I'd love to see people leaving WhatsApp (especially in my country).

Hurry the fuck up with those ads, Facebook!

Corporate IT: Here at Company A we are very proactive about CyberSecurity!

Dev: What is our cybersecurity plan?

Corporate IT: If any breaches happen we will terminate those involved and discontinue use of the offending product

Dev: That sounds reactive to me

Corporate IT: 😡 It’s proactive actually as we put together that plan of action BEFORE anything happened!

Dev: …

Interviewer: For this next code challenge you will not be allowed to use the internet, or an IDE.

Dev: …

Interviewer: OR a keyboard OR a mouse. I will be verbalizing the code to you and you need to memorize it and tell me where the bugs are.

Dev: …

Interviewer: We must do this exercise to know how you are as a dev without any performance enhancing “aid”. This way we can understand where you are truly at skill-wise, and what you are truly worth from a compensation perspective.

Dev: …

Dev: If I get a job with you will I be allowed to use the internet and an IDE and a keyboard/mouse?

Interview: Of course you would! Getting anything done without those is just about impossible. We just need to evaluate you without them to see how good you REALLY are.

Dev: …

Random person: wanna get a girlfriend? Shave your beard.

sysadmin@condor:~# no.
sysadmin@condor:~# FUCK NO.
sysadmin@condor:~# What are those muggles even thinking?!!
sysadmin@condor:~# Would you also ask Khal Drogo to cut off his ponytail?!

What the fuck is this one-way interview bullshit?

"The organization you are interviewing with has come up with a series of interview questions that they have requested you to respond to. This is an on-demand interview which means that you'll be recording your video interview answers at your convenience as long as you submit them before the deadline." -- sparkhire.com

Like seriously?
What if I have questions? I have plenty, and I find those questions considerably more important than whatever bullshit gotchas the company wants to annoy me with.

One-way interview.
Fucking really.

At least have the decency to talk to me.

Just reduced 900 lines of horrible code into 106 lines of less horrible code..

QA: do those 106loc really do what the 900loc did ?
Me: yes
QA: really?
Me: yes
QA: are you sure?
Me: NO. I was lying. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you should run it and find out.
QA: *immediately releases for prod*

*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*

CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.

Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.

CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.

CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.

Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?

Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.

Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.

CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.

Me: Okay, what do you suggest?

CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.

Everyone on the call: 😨

friend: what are those lines on your screen
me: programming
friend: but like don't you program it
me: yeah but I have to write it
friend: but like don't you have to program the lines
That's when I quit trying to explain it

- just do your job. Close this ticket already and go to the next one

- It's just a 1 minute job.. Don't build scripts for things that simple!

- Look, we don't have time to spare for coffee breaks. Stop wasting your time on scripting!

- netikras, the IST shift fucked things up again. I need you to do your magic and clear those alerts

- netikras, there are 20 tickets waiting to be investigated. Either your coleagues spend 2 hours on them or you do your magic in 2 minutes, as always..

- netikras, please share your scripts with your team

- netikras, I have nominated you for the Star Award for your script

- netikras, here's the star award and the financial prize. Those are nice swarovskies you've picked for your wife! Good choice!

- Since our team has lots of spare time now, I urge you all to attend X, Y and Z trainings. Trainings and Certification expenses are covered

A very similar scenario has just happened in 2 last workplaces of mine. In both cases I was the one to build the script despite my management's requests to stop wasting time and resources on them.

When I see what is wrong and take some actions to right those wrongs, when superiors build roadblocks for me claiming it's not worth it and in the end I still build my solutions and become the most efficient person/team in the whole department -- that right there is what boosts my ego to the sky and above!! It proves I am actually on the right track. It proves that I in fact have a better understanding than those who should have it.

It just makes me tick!

Looking for another adventure like that :) With more power to change things this time

You're fucking using a PC.
If you're using an apple product that is a computer (it fucking computes things) and you can use it on your own then it is a personal computer. That's what PC means for the love of #keepDevrantReligionFree
I just saw someone saying that they use neither: Mac nor PC
Upon asking for clarification they said that they are using arch.
Are you fucking kidding me? Do you want to be as "cool" as Apple and refuse to use a name that's used for those kind of devices just to not belong in the same group as others?

Best "error" I've ever seen today.

We have a very large database with millions of people, some of those records are duplicates. So I had a long project to write something that would automatically merge duplicate records while allowing employees to review them. Today we had a duplicate show up in the list which should not have.

Same name (apart from one letter), address, employee ID (off by 1 number), same manager, title, phone number, birthdate. But we figured out it wasn't the same person and therefore wasn't a good match.

Turns out they are twin sisters who live together and we're hired by the same manager for the same position at the same time. What are the odds...

!dev

I find it funny to see how people very often go into defense mode (of those companies) when I call them (a select amount of companies) mass surveillance companies.

I mean, when you search for the definition of a surveillance compatible (or, surveillance) and see what those companies (Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Twitter, AOL, Yahoo, Paltalk), it outright matches that of (a) surveillance company/companies.

Then, when you look at the scale they perform this at (mass scale, mass amount of people/users), it fits the definition of a mass surveillance company...

No matter how you turn it, those companies are, per definition, (mass) surveillance companies (apart from the fact that they're integrated within worlds biggest created government powered mass surveillance program ever).

Marketing wants to remove the word "sex" from one of my slide decks.

Fuck people who get outraged for others. They are making a bad situation much worse.

Yes, there are people who get triggered by the slightest thing---but those people are going to be triggered no matter what you do. And it seems to me that I'd not want to have them as customers anyway---massive support cost.

We are in danger of washing everything until it becomes an inoffensive shade of beige.

Why do the 99% have to be bored for the 1%?

It's not like I'm doing a live demo...yet...

So, fuck outrage by proxy. If you are personally outraged then say that. If not, shut the fuck up.

I find coding is the best way to alleviate boredom on a plane.

Not because I enjoy coding that much, but because there are two types of people:
1) Those who know what programming is and who will ALWAYS ask about it interested. (Conversation starter)
2) Those who don't know what it is and just assume you're hacking the plane!

!rant

Just wanted to share stuff. It's my first time.

<backstory>
I'm a c# dev, recently got excited about neural networks and stuff. I have a gf who studies biology
</backstory>

So i've noticed yesterday what my gf is doing for her science stuff. She has an image taken through a microscope of some erytrocytes and shit. And she's clicking on those tiny fuckers to count them. There are like almost a hundred of those things in an image and she has a butload of those images.

I was like "what the fuck? Don't you have an app that counts the stuff for you or something?"

And there is none. Or at least i wasn't able to find one. That's bullshit. My inner programmer screams with hate for boring repetitive tasks.

So i guess i'm going to write a neural network to count similar stuff in an image.

Yay my stickers finally arrived! Thanks guys <3 @dfox @trogus

And it freaked out my mum. She called me all panicked like "you've got an international letter what did you do did you get scammed or something"
...
"Mum, those are stickers...I got for free"
"Ohhhh... ok then"
But shre was very worried there ^^'

I'll buy an oar.

Not a boat with two of them, just an oar.

And slap every idiot who comes near to me again trying to convince me how Apple products are innovative. Every feature mentioned I had on my phone at least for 5years. And if not on my phone, Nexus or another Samsung had it already for a long time. Hell, Samsungs even started exploding sooner!

What is it with those Apple snowflakes trying to be something special? Yes you are special! You piss me of in a matter of nanoseconds.

Everybody boasting about lots of projects on github, and tons of stuff to show for.

Those that don't - are usually stressed that they don't have anything to show.

I work at a big-ish company, and we have tens of people in IT. Some of them are OK, others are gods.

Today I looked at their github profile. What do you think I saw?
Hello world applications?
Unfinished frameworks?
Forks with 1 line of change?

kind'a... That's for the people that have the richest profile. The rest - at most have a couple of projects with 2 files in them:
.gitignore (empty)
LICENSE (GPL)

So just chill. Do what you like, don't judge yourself too hard, and try to also make some money.
Less stress, be happy.

For an ostensibly security-focused financial company, these people really don't know what they're doing. Everything I've seen thus far is so hacked-together that I feel like i'm looking at code written by high schoolers.

Seriously, some of API Guy's code is better than this.

And they even make a point to remind me of ultra basics like `.to_a`, `.map`, or "a good command to keep on hand is `rake db:migrate`" -- like seriously? Those are in bloody "Intro to Rails" tutorials (and it's `rails db:migrate` as of Rails 5). For an ostensibly all-senior team, these devs are awfully junior.

Just wanted to say cheers to all those coders among you who make sure their login is encrypted, their passwords are hashed and salted, their codes are tested and their forms are code injection safe.

No client will understand what you did, so take my props for it! After all, its our responsibility to make sure software is secure. That's all :)

Getting really sick of brand naming conventions these days, Youtube just suggested me a video called "Samsung Galaxy S20 Ultra vs iPhone 11 Pro Max!"

Like what are those, Transformer names? 🙄

Customer: So I have operating system corruption? What does that mean?

Me: *thinks for a moment* Okay, so you have a bag of potato chips, right? And you're looking forward to eating those potato chips. However, when you open the bag, there are only crumbs because the guy in front of you in line had accidentally stepped on the bag and crushed them all.

Customer: ...Okay...

Me: So what we can do is we can grab a can of Pringles--because Pringles are delicious--and dump those in the bag. That way you have a good, full bag of uncrushed digital potato chips.

Customer: I like that, let's do it!

Coworker: ...why are you talking about digital potato chips?

He: Honzo, you are great coder, but can you please stop using those sexy anime chicks as placeholder images in your templates?
I: Ups, i forgot replace them.
He: Don't worry, client also enjoy it, but he maybe is only one. He also want to know where you found them.
I: Konachan.com

What can i say, i have exciting work.

Ever have a feeling that there is so many interesting stuff out there - Angular, React.js, TypeScript, Rust, ELM, FRP, Machine Learning, Neuronal Networks, Robotics, Category theory... But no way to ever figure out what are all those about? And there is too little time to even get a good grasp of any single one of those. IT seems to be like hydra - one learns one thing and 10 new concepts pop up in the meantime.

I know a lot of you already know/do this, but to those of you who don't - I know it has saved me more than once:

If you use SSMS (SQL Server Management Studio) - when connecting to a server, before you hit the "connect" button, under options, choose a color to represent which server you are connecting to. I personally use stoplight colors: red = prod, yellow = QA, green = dev....this way, it helps you realize what server you are connected to, minimizing our dreaded "oh shit" moments....lol

Hopefully this helps someone ☺

I built a tracking suite for our fleet of printers quite some time ago. Once a day, "bizteam" (aka sales) gets an alert detailing how many printers are in critical need of attention (out of paper, mechanical error, etc.), and how many of them are flat-out offline. They don't seem to care. I mean they do, I think? but. the offline percentage hasn't changed much in the past month or two.

These printers constitute a primary part of our business model and... screw it. they're goddamn important, okay?

A full 16% of our printers are OFFLINE. Most of those HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS.

3% of our printers have been online BUT OUT OF PAPER FOR OVER A MONTH.

and what really baffles me...
We've convinced a few of these merchants to actually plug in their goddamn printers. (and yes, they actually *paid* for these things, and they're absolutely not cheap.) Some of those were previously both offline AND out of paper, yet after being plugged in, they're *STILL* OUT OF PAPER?! What the crap, people! It's a printer! it's not difficult! It's the same as every other fucking printer you have! and it's probably the same goddamn fucking model!

Did AlexDeLarge skullfuck your brain into mush? FIX YOUR SHIT!

There's a few people in here who are clearly mentally ill and using devrant instead of getting help.

I just want to say thank you to those individuals for making this place what it is! This place would suck without you.

"Hi, our client is looking for a dot net developer, and we think you'll be a good fit."
- you got the wrong person i believe.
"you list laravel & phalcon.. Those are .net?"

I'm not sure what to say here, a recruiter whom doesn't see my employed tag & doesn't know how to Google..

Laravel & phalcon is .net.. Aaallrighty then.

Why are modern apps so god damn huge? A fucking messaging app doesn't require 500000000000000 MB!!! I wonder what shit load of fuck they're packing in those apps.

Disclaimer: searching for a self hosted Spotify alternative but haven't found one yet so suggestions are very welcome!

I really don't get how spotify's music algorithms or whatever the fuck you'd call those (you get what I mean) work.

- Whenever I click on the button which should make a song not appear in my daily mix anymore, I hear it again within a fucking day.

- how the fuck does the getting you new songs which you might like work?! I'm a huge rawstyle fan and mostly listen to, surprise surprise, rawstyle.
Then why in the living fuck keeps Spotify coming up with euphoric/melodic hardstyle tracks?! I like those sometimes but only *sometimes*.

More and more often I have to skip through 20-30+ songs to get one raw song instead of a fucking euphoric one.

Replies from their support are non existent.

It's getting so fucking annoying.

Finally, A Place where people understand you, who you are and what you're talking about. You don't have to feel weird when you post those dev rants..haha thanks Dave and Tim for devRant.

Every time someone rants about Visual Studio I'm like: WTF are they talking about? it is the best IDE I ever used!!

but now after using VS 2017 I must say:
WHAT THE FUCK MICROSOFT DID TO THIS THING! IT RANDOMLY FREEZE EATS OUT ALL CPU AND NOW USES A GOOD 1.5GB RAM!

my previous experience:
barely 20% of CPU
at max 700MB RAM

Guess those days are over :\

212 millions invested in programming education in Quebec!

Yes!

But wait a sec! What are those fucking screen! And it’s fucking windows 7 you piece of shit! Use fucking ltsp! Costs less money = More teaching!

Poor students, at least they are learning to program

Remembering a university lecture

Prof: "What are some other downsides of using polling instead of interrupts?"

Student: "The process has to wait until it gets polled."

Prof: "Exactly. When you click Ctrl+W, you want that tab to be closed immediately. You don't want the system to wait a few seconds for those keys to get polled and risk your mom looking at that tab."

!rant

I just wanted to say how much I freaking love this place. I come here every day, and what I find is a magical community of people who are accepting of everyone, supportive of each others hopes and dreams and sympathize with those struggling with jobs or school or just life in general. DevRant honestly makes the world a better place, at least for me. Thank you @dfox and @trogus for this beautiful Eden!

Dropping out of school. So many lost years on keeping up with stupid and incompetent shits, with the piece of paper at the finish line not obtained. I did that twice and lost.. what, 5 years on that? Time I could've spent doing self-study instead. I'm not saying that anyone else should drop out - don't! - but for me, going to school doesn't seem worth it when I can learn on my own, and do it much faster. Unfortunately however those stupid pieces of paper are still regarded as valuable by some.. so whether refusing to get those is a good or a bad idea, only time can tell...

Actually the worst fucking developer experience is meeting those all knowing people who think they know everything but actually they even don’t know how the fucking tools they’re using every day are written and how they work.

Those people that think when they installed library it should do everything how they imagined to and don’t fucking bother to debug problems and create pull requests if it’s fucking buggy.

Those fucking ranters who moan about something they don’t understand.

Those fuckers who think if they understood what A*, Dijkstra, graph algorithm is they’re smarter then others.

No you fuckers you’re dumb as fuck cause instead of explaining it to someone you just blame people for not knowing “obvious shit”.

All those fucking ignorants I am fucking writing about you.
You either start support each other or fuck you people.

That's so true.. when those who will actually perform the work are excluded from the estimating process !

What do you think about it?

Anyone else find the eat sleep code hacker / soylent chugging caffeine energized all nighter coder beast idea immature? I run into people who think that those ideals are what makes a good engineer and it irks me. Maybe I'm just too judging.

What if we were the AI created by God to automate repetitive tasks and now we are making AI to automate those repetitive tasks and this goes on and on until the world gets a stack overflow.

Thanks again devRant, @dfox and @tragus.
Those stickers are amazing.
Hope to get the stress ball one day too.
Btw @dfox what do you mean with +1’s here? 500 +1's on a single rant for a ball

"We use WSDL and SOAP to provide data APIs"
- Old-fashioned but ok, gimme the service def file
(The WSDL services definition file describes like 20 services)
- Cool, I see several services. In need those X data entities.
"Those will all be available through the Data service endpoint"
- What you mean "all entities in the same endpoint"? It is a WSDL, the whole point is having self-documented APIs for each entity format!
"No, you have a parameter to set the name of the data entity you want, and each entity will have its own format when the service return it"
- WTF you need the WSDL for if you will have a single service for everything?!?
"It is the way we have always done things"

Certain companies are some outdated-ass backwater tech wannabees.
Usually those that have dominated the market of an entire country since the fucking Perestroika.

The moment I turn on the data pipeline, those fuckers are gonna be overloaded into oblivion. I brought popcorn.

WELL GEE, IF I KNEW WHAT MY ACCOUNT USERNAME WAS, I WOULD JUST SIGN IN YOU ASSHOLE. -.-

On top of that, they use these fucking anchent capchas that are fucking case sensitive and annoying as hell..

In their defence, I was trying to automate their website (one of those get paid to click sites) in an atempt to get some money, but still!

Stakeholder: Our customers aren’t getting their order confirmation emails. It’s going to their spam. Is there a way to resend the emails?

Me: Wait. The email getting sent to their spam is not the same as not getting the email. Is it both or just one of those things?

SH: Here are some emails getting sent to spam.

Me: These are sent by third party vendors that you contract with. I have no control over what they do. You need to talk to your vendors.

SH: 😮

Me: 😑

!rant;

I'm so sad today. I completely lost my confidences in what I do. I recently I created an app , spent 72 hours doing that , made the app as simple as possible, The intention is clear , to help those who are in need during this pandemic.

Recently my country have the campaign (initiate by the people) raising white flags for help (food, financial help). Since our government begin to arrest those who raise their flag for help and summoned them for MYR 3000 .

So I thought making a platform where people can raise their flag digitally might be easy, but I go rejected .

Well in Malaysia, No one give a fuck about you unless you are a celebrity . Sometimes I wish I am , therefore I do changes. But unfortunately I am just a 25 year old self taught software engineer but not someone with PHD or fame .

Fuck me.

My female coworkers ranting about "how can their partners be so stupid" on "never buying what they where asked for".

I explain to them some actions they might be doing that if done to me has the same effect like :
- asking for something and then start a non stop conversation about something else...

They look at me with a "how can you men be so ridiculous" face and say something like that...
I answer: well, try not doing those things next time and see if it helps.

They are gonna ignore me and keep living their lives without realising that men and women are fucking different...

Go girls.

Inappropriate experience at work? Here is another one:

The IS department manager 'John' bought a blowgun and was shooting at a box down the cubical farm hallway. Only a little annoying to hear him puff on the tube, but then someone walked out their cube and almost got hit.
Dev: "Dammit John! What the hell are you doing?!"
John: "Maybe you should pay the hell attention to where you're going. You heard what I was doing. Don't be a baby, those darts wouldn't have hurt you anyway."

I've attached a pic of what the darts looked like.

Me doing front-end work and get a stupid feature request from a customer...."I'll have to talk to our back-end developer and DBA to see if those changes are possible".

Guess what...Im the back-end developer and DBA and the answer is "hell no".

Him: "I don't need source control, it's just another program that does unknown things on my source files. What if one day it stops working?? How do I get my files??"

Me: "you could say the same thing on 90% of the tools you use every day... Like when you restore npm packages by GUI"

him: "what are those? I don't use them"

Also him: "command line is vintage"

My family is very supportive. My 2 aunts are working in technical fields, and at least 2 of my cousins are working in IT and one cousin is studying CS too. My dad works in IT and since I started my studies he always talks to me about his work, when he finds errors and bugs and rants about his colleagues :D He also helped me debug some code. My mom is supportive too, but sometimes when I mention to her that this and that is hard she goes: "Oh, what did you choose?" (Rhetorical question)
But all in all I'm happy. Reactions of "outsiders" are those which bother me sometimes. But that's a different story.

"Disregard what you're doing now. We need a FUNCTIONAL prototype (which will become the main app because refactoring is a waste of time huehuehuehue) with these features our POSSIBLE client MIGHT potentially need for TOMORROW's presentation."

"What do you mean that thing you were working on yesterday isn't done? Those are the times we estimated, right? By the way, our (still not confirmed) client thinks he'll choose us over that other company if we do changes A, B, C and D. Need it for yesterday."

I don’t like to judge people based on what languages they like (because I like all of them). But I can’t deny the pattern anymore.

Smart people know and enjoy smart languages: Smalltalk, OCaml, Clojure, Lisp, Haskell, etc. They may use JavaScript or PHP to make money, but ask them to code in their smart language and they’ll be more efficient. Getting old, some of those people say “screw it” and find a Haskell job.

You, my friend, are not one of those people. You are VSCode-dwelling goblin who thinks lambda calculus has something to do with JS arrow function notation, is scared of reduce() and not even good at the single fucking language they know.

Insta coders and that mechanical keyboard collector dorks are not “superstars” you got to be like.

WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!???

FUCK ALL THOSE MONKEYS THAT WROTE ALL THE SHITTY CODE WHICH I'VE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF MY DAYS HAVING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE SHIT IT DOES AND WHY I CAN'T JUST BURN IT....

AND WHY THE FUCK DO BUSINESS USERS SEEM TO THINK THAT DEVELOPERS CAN UNDERSTAND ALL THEIR BUSINESS TALK...

IF I UNDERSTAND ALL OF WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL BE OUT OF A JOB....

P.S. APPARENTLY ONE OF MY MEDS SIDE EFFECTS ARE INCREASED IRRATIBILTY. THE SLIGHTEST ANNOYANCES NOW PISS ME OFF...

SO APPARENTLY THAT MEANS I HAVE A FREE LICENSE TO BLOW UP N RANT ON THE JOB RIGHT?

... 🖕

Why the fuck does Arduino use C++ macros for min, max, abs, etc. ???????

---
For those who don't know what a macro is, basic example:
#define abs(x) (x > 0 ? x : -(x))
Which looks like a function, but instead abs() will be replaced by the expression and all x will be replaced literally with what you pass to abs
So
abs(i++)
would evaluate to
(i++ > 0 ? i++ : -(i++))
which would call i++ twice
---

I guess I will have to double check every built in function and rewrite it if it's a macro -_-. Not taking any chances. Btw all Arduino functions are in one big file, so now I have to pollute my code with namespaces.
Macros can be great but what the fuck.

"We don't use a VCS like git, what are you opinions on this?" This is great in my opinion. You get to see some people sheepishly agree and say it's fine and try back it up, or people put valid points why they think it's wrong. You can start to gauge a person's personality after a few of those kinds of questions.

Now I can afford myself a duck on my desk :-). I love devRant it's so addictive. I have the app as well. This thing is like WhatsApp for developers on steroids. Forgive my ignorance what are those pluses called anyway?

Who the fuck uses http code 200 for a failure. Seriously have you ever heard something about a need to parse the shit you're returning...

Now I don't know whether it's me who's wrong, but man there are more than 80 different codes defined so there really should be something for you, don't you think?

And don't give me shit like "well the request worked so we return 200 it's only that the request wasn't correct". What for a fucking peace of something are you... Those codes are for that exact reason.

Anyways I'm going to parse the shit with string compare and afterwards kill myself out of shame. Whish me luck...

*At Family Dinner Party*

Aunt- "Oh you're on of those web code guys, that's so cool!"

Me- "Thanks! So what are you do-"

Aunt- "So I have the best idea for a website, we could me millions!"

Me- "Is the food ready..?"

a girl from my class made a presentation and it was really good, and now i'm thinking "how did she do it? what came to her mind that she could prepare such a good presentation?"
and also, "i know that no matter how much i try, my presentations will not be that good, because those are MY presentations"...

I loved what Flash used to be. Most people thought it was proprietary stuff. The program was. It's language was not. And damn, did we have fun together! We rendered vector graphics from code and pushed perlin noise into bitmaps while the HTML guys were still struggling with rounded corners. Oh, those bezier curves we dreamed up out of thin lines of code!

Other people just couldn't see how beautiful you were. They hated you because you were popular, and ads were beginning to dominate the landscape. And lots of dildo's made ads by abusing your capabilities, straining you with their ugly code that didn't remove event listeners properly. I always did, because I loved you.

They made fun of you because you had to be compiled. Look what those cavemen are doing now, dear ActionScript 3.0. They are compiling Javascript and pushing it to production. They are all fools my dear, unworthy to read even a single line of your gracious typed syntax. We were faster then Java. More animated and fluid then CSS. We were even responsive if we needed to.

But... I have to move on. I don't know if you're still watching over me but I can't deny I've been trying to find some happiness. I think you would have wanted me to. C# is a sweet girl and I'm thankful for her, but I won't ever forget those short few years we had together. They were the absolute best.

Rest well my dear princess.

Can anyone tell me what are those objects are called? I might buy one if they have hsl or rgba 😂

Computers in german schools man.
Everywhere you see those poor white boxes from 19something, which take ages to turn on.
Has anyone else wondered what this "Windows XP" is which it keeps displaying?
Why do none of the teachers use them or explain us what these are?

What a silly end of the week. Have to continue developing at a project a student started at our company. Today I had a phone conference with the client. They told me there where missing several data. At first I thought it is only a frontend issue but now I know it is a database issue so I have to work through several database procedures which are all undocumented and the student who build those is not reachable. Business integration ftw

Kotlin makes the development experience so much better. Humans are creatures of habit. Some don't want to change what they already know. RIP to those who still start their project in Java and do not want to adapt in this competitive world. :/

!Rant && successStory
Im curious to know what people's opinions on tech Internships are?
Some people have the option that it's cheap labour to get basic things done.
I believe they are wrong. I just finished my 11 month long internship at a medium size tech company in Melbourne Australia
Although finishing up there was a sad story in itself I was taking some time to reflect on those past months and I believe it's truly amazing.
I've discovered my passions and interests. I was mentored by some truly caring people that honestly gave a shit about me.
The code I write is so much cleaner, decisions I make are more informed and I could go on!
Most of all they paid me decent and I really cannot ask for more.
Kudos to all those companies that actually care about the emerging dev community.

With all this fuckery around master/main nameing, I wonder what all those people, who are for the renaming, think of the SPI-Bus.
Its pinout is normally:
SCK: Clock line
MOSI: Master out slave In
MISO: Master in slave out
SS/CS: Slave or chip select

"Let's go to buy Laptop for you. You're going to be Computer Engineer"

after 2 months
" What do you do all day spending on laptop?"
"Programing"
"Well, how's that work?"
"It follows some algorithms to get desired output"
"???, Some important files are accidentally deleted from my usb storage. Can you recover those files?"

😮😣

I'm surprised how after using gulp task with minify js, css, html, smoosh and compress to gz file the whole web size down from 200kb to 20kb.
That let me think what a shit web developer I'm and what cool are those things.

This rant is not about avoiding bad company but instead: If you find your self in a bad company make sure to note what is bad in terms of:
1. What is wrong?
2. Is it wrong by your book or by everyone's book?
3. How things should be done if you were in charge?
4. Are you able to be productive if those "wrong" things where done correctly? For example if they should have used gitlab cli for auto deployment, do you know how to do that? No? Learn. Yes? Move to the next item in the list

There is no way to avoid bad companies unless you are really lucky, just make the best out of where you are now :)

I like what I do for a living.

I build software, mostly from scratch or early stage products. Those are different industries, different companies, different technologies, frameworks and languages. Systems that impact economy in a different way.

When I develop software I am picking different parts of same project and try to understand how companies earn money and what are advantages of their software. What are required regulations and requirements to sell the stuff.
How the money flows from client and what they’re changing for. I especially try to understand stuff from business perspective.
When I pay my debts and luckily be still alive but unemployed and with minimum income from stocks / properties rental I will have plenty of time to duplicate many of those businesses.

I picked programming cause it’s touching all parts of economy basically without any skill requirements and certifications. It’s young impactful industry that is luckily not yet regulated. You just need laptop, like to solve puzzles and have plenty of free time and you can create everything. Never forget about it.

Cloud corporations try to make people think differently but it’s just that simple.

Do real interviewers (I mean those who are smart and have some experience) still ask questions like "what are your weaknesses"?

Dumbass, why the fuck should I declare, not just to you but also to myself, that I have some particular weaknesses? I know what I'm not good at, and I'll keep trying to improve. But unless my weakness is that I get a massive boner during team meetings, you don't need to know about it. I'm not telling you. Just know my strengths - that's enough. If you're just following a standard list of interview questions that you didn't even come up with, stop pretending to be an interviewer for heavens' sake.

Client: Hey guys! Let us start a bunch of projects that are all dependent on each other and expect them to deliver those on time.

Me: WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

Apple fanboys justify the removal of audio jack as simplification of design. How the fuck am i supposed to find those damn pods if i misplace them. and what uf your bluetooth pods are shit and i want a different one. Fucking idiots.

Me: Startup initialization tests fail so the system won't boot properly it until we fix those issues.

Manager: comment out the lines of code that are causing problems.

🤔 So we are just going to feed power to some hardware and see what happens I guess

So somehow paid version of my app is available somewhere for free (old version of the app though). People are downloading it, and will obviously see the invalid license message. There is an option in that case to mail the developer just in case there was something wrong with the license checking, and guess what? Those people are mailing to me about invalid license. 😂😂😂😂

I did a thing. And I'm super happy about it. I just wanted to share.

I bought an LLC and have registered a domain name for it. I know there's a bit of a stigma about people who are always saying that they have ideas. But I'd like to think those with ideas that are willing to commit to them and actually create something with the idea instead of making others do it, is what matters the most.
Anyways. I'm not going to share anything about the idea because it is still in its infancy and I want to release it when it actually has traction.

Client: "documentation, oh you mean those grey texts the previous code guy wrote on the code files"

Me: I kinda need more than "grey texts on the code files" if you want me to actually fix the system and implement the new specs.

Client: oh you mean the Microsoft asp books

Me: It's a Laravel system sir, it's php not asp.net

Client: what are those?

Me:.................

Those GDPR nag screens actually are more damaging than useful. Nobody has the energy to jump through the hoops all different sites set up for you to opt-out of tracking. Yet you will constantly see those pages if you have opted out.

If you use some privacy extensions that block tracking cookies and stuff, you will keep getting those nag screens, because they have no idea whether you have seen it or not (because of no tracking)

So browsing the web has become the constant of:

1) Search something
2) Deal with nagscreens
3) See the page
4) Go to other page
5) Repeat from step two

I wonder what this will lead to? People are less likely to visit random pages and stick to ones they have account on? Will darknet become more popular? Will somebody design some standard way to get rid of this nagscreen wave?

Boss: we need to standardize the CMS we use.

Me: well 90% of what we build are custom Wordpress deployments...

Boss: yeah but Wordpress is best suited for all our clients.

Me: well yeah, I know...we could use Django or Rails and give the clients more customized solutions...

Boss: yeah but not all of our developers know those frameworks, and they require maintenance...

Me: -_- we could really use Jekyll for most sites we build

Boss: yeah, but what about our clients that want a blog?

Me: ...we can build a blog with anything...

Boss: ...we just need to standardize what we use.

What the sh*t is this kind of response?! One of my corporate department's internal API returns THIS.

LOOK AT IT. LOOK. "NULL". What are those malformed closing / ending brackets?!

(request headers have accept: application/json btw)

And, as a final "f*uck you", the "IPG_API_JOBD_NC_RESP_P_COLL" is returned as JSON object if response has one element to return, but will be JSON ARRAY if result has more than one element.

Good luck, you there with strongly typed languages..... Boils my blood 😅

Those, uh... are NOT laptops and are NOT what you think they are, Google.

I don't get much spam, but when I do, I rant about how badly those mails are crafted.

I mean, yeah, for non-devs or typical old people, those badly made Google fake mails (that use the old Google logo, the logo in Times New Roman or something) or ISP / phone company mails with malicious attachments may look good enough.

But, seriously, if I were a dev paid to create spam mails, they would look like the real deal, if I may say so myself, as I would actually put some effort in them.

What do you think? Wouldn't spam made by real developers like us be "better"?

Maybe send some examples from inside your junk box 🤔

One thing I learned early on was...

"If the bug is not where you are looking...look somewhere else."

I just spent 2 hours looking at 50 lines of code pulling my hair out why it wasn't working. Guess what...those lines were correct. The bug was somewhere else.

The akward moment your boss asks if you finished implementing all the business rules when he didnt reply at the last hundreds of emails that you sent about specifying what are those rules!

Hello devRant fellows, I have a question for those who avoid Google products...

What are your main motivation behind the decision of not using any (or almost any) Google product?

Respectful-for-everyone analogy:
Google is meat, you are a vegan and your non-vegan friend asked you why to start being vegan?

I'm going to highlight the word -friend- because I'm looking for constructive, argumentative, educational and respectful answers.

I'm reading (deciphering) the clients notes for modifications to their app and explaining to my PM what they want. At one point, he stopped me and said "How the fuck are you doing that? I don't understand how you can make those connections. Brilliant." 😂

There are 3 type of people.

-Those who don't know what i am talking about
-Those who don't care what i am talking about
-Those who know ascii and 3 means 3

I know its Microsoft and there is a lot of hate and distrust against them.

But for those willing to provide an opinion that goes beyond "0mG fCk MekRo$0ft!!" I will ask you this:

Have you heard about the vcpkg? Package manager for C++. If so what are your thoughts on it??

Only those who are using Linux would know what the 'Windows' guyz are actually missing. 😝

Talking with manager about C++ ...

ME: ... and those are the main differences when coming from C03 to C17.

MGR: OK. I think I got it... are these changes those kind of changes that when we know them we can work in any industry if they use C++?

ME: No they are not, sorry. They are like basic enablers to even start considering entering some industries. What you mean are standards. AUTOSAR standard for example is for automotive industry.
The standard requires some level of C++ standard competency.

MGR: Are these standards like plugins for C++...

ME: ? ... no. They specify rules and architecture, conventions and such.

MGR: ... aah. Architecture, I know that word. So in fact they are plugins....like...like...Eclipse IDE has architecture and it can have plugins....right ? ... and you just plugin that AUTOSAR standard to C++ language.

ME: I think you mixing stuff up on multiple levels here. I think we are not ready to talk C++ competency as a strategic decision yet... lets get some basics down first and discuss this stuff in one month.

MGR: ... ?..but, but I mean it can't be that hard. I think I almost got the gist. I just misunderstood at some point.

ME: Sure, sure. No worries...you almost had it *with deep sarcasm*.

You see this fucker? Those are packets sent to Apple, what are those packets? The update of an app I am working on.

Makes me wonder why the fuck does upload disconnect out of a sudden when there is not a single issue in the network I'm connected to!

Apple get your shit together cuz an update process takes more time than developing the damn app!

Life sucks when you get an error which you have seen this error like plenty of times and when you start debugging it and run out of all the ways you have always followed to fix it and all those didn't fixed the problem.
With nothing left now to approach, wondering what may have gone wrong.
The fundamentals are shattered
...

Not anti-man, curious about this particular problem:
Females have unique problems in the workplace and personal life yes, because of stereotypes.
I agree, I am a female. But when i read those articles about what we really go through, I really feel weak. I think if these many obstacles are present how am I supposed to do something without instinctively being influenced by the society.
It really felt better when I consider myself human not female.

What do you people do when you feel weakened by these impositions?

Okay so my ticket got rejected because the on screen texts are not in the correct case (upper/lower). Totally fair because nowhere in the spec are those texts defined. As a developer I am also responsible for what "makes sense" for the user.

I'm just gonna say this next time I ask for a raise.

I don't profess to know the whole story, but what is it with the (what seems to me to be) overly-fragile, cry-bully mentality of the Node.js community and its various branches? The current mess is not the first time strongly opinioned, overly zealous loud-mouths have driven the ship.

Throughout the history of time, teams/groups of people have been made up of different characters. Some are nice, some aren't really and everyone has varied characteristics. There seems to be a drive to completely flatten the behaviour, beliefs and attitudes of any sort of gathering, and it makes me so mad. Some people are so obsessed with their ideas of equality, diversity, inclusivity and safe spaces that they can't see how negative and discriminating those attitudes actually are.

I fully accept that certain behaviours should not be tolerated and should be called out. And communities and societies will organically decide what those are.

But when you raise an issue, approach it like grown up and thrash it out to a resolution - don't throw your toys out of the pram and put on a real public show, targeting and scapegoating other individuals when you don't get your way! This is childish and narcissistic. If this is your only course of action, you should realise you haven't a strong argument.

I've ranted here before about how the mainly social media discussions on any subject drive us all to extreme ends. And this is just another example. It's wrong and narrow minded and not remotely progressive - the opposite of what those who should loudest claim to be.

What is the fucking point of creating an amazing device with amazing software, which has a very nice API BUT USELESS FUCKING DOCS.

The thing has features that are only visible in their software, it is mentioned nowhere in the api docs and I have no fucking idea how to access those important features. Fuck you

Can someone explain to me why non-technical people even work in tech companies ??

I really don't want to sound like an asshole, but can you, for example, imagine that someone who doesn't even know what brick is would work on a construction site ?

Or can you imagine working in bike repair shop not knowing neither how to ride a bike nor how's bike is built ?

Sure, every company (especially large ones) needs bookkeepers/HRs/accountants etc. that don't need to know the inner workings of business.

Those people don't bother me, and they are necessary to keep the circus going.

I'm talking about all those middle management individuals.

All those "Project Managers" , "Business Analysts", "Directors' , "Principal Program Managers " etc etc ..

Such thing thing would be unthinkable in every other industry but somehow, in tech, anyone can work as long as they can throw a sufficient number of acronyms around.

Accounting software- and it’s even not the developers fault but because law is changing so often these days they barely keep up.

So I run sole business and visit my accountant from time to time to chat and give my documents.

Sometimes I also help with accounting software like finding why it’s doesn’t sending this crap and doing what it’s expected to do only in some cases.

It usually takes an hour to find out why something doesn’t work.

Also once I was sending some companies fiscal year summary documents cause no one was able to figure out how to sign those documents and how to fill the form so it’s accepted by the “system”.

Based on how I see bureaucracy is increasing cause of technology instead of decreasing and how stupid are those protocols that are required for sending some financial documents over internet. Seeing that those protocols are changing every year if not half a year and software to send those documents mostly doesn’t work.

I’d say any accounting software is temple of doom.
It’s classic “The trial” by Kafka.

There are few developer who name their functions all wrong, but the functionality is fine. Then there comes those who name their functions right but the functionality is nothing close to what it says. There is this function I debugged. It's name is optimizeQuery. It does not optimize the query at all. Rather dismantles it. Also it made it's way to the production. 😅 Now I have to correct and optimize the optimizeQuery.

It's going to be a long rant here and probably my fist rant ! And yes I am pissed up with a community growing in dev world .
There are so called framework experts who are so good that they can spin up a nodejs server with express and mongodb .
So to the people who bash on php , who bash down MySQL for no fuckig reason other than they have heard these are not so cool.fuck yourself incompetent piece of crap!!! I can hear all day about how algorithms and datsructure are not important form these people.fuck you because if you don't know /understand /want to understand the basics of computing how the fuck can your brain be trusted with anyting serious??If you can't write down proofs of basic / standard algorithms and till bash down on people who do those please fuck you because those are the people indirectly responsible for your Job so that u can work on fancy frameworks and cool IDE's .
Instead of whining down dedicate some time to your maturity and knowledge because that what we devs are all about.we like solving problems right?.
I repeat if you are anything like stating up it career in mid 20s maybe.leave everything if you can .Forget all fucking frameworks and technologies start with basics of computing, right at instruction level using assembly .Then move to a higher language when u know and reason about what your CPU is actually doing.
If you can't do that and keep on crying and bashing down things wihout proper explanations fuck yourself with a cactus .

I think JavaScript is like a woman...
- it thinks many many things at the same time and you never know the order in which those thoughts are appearing.
- it has moods, sometimes it just won't do something you expect just because
- you are never going to be 100% certain of what a response is going to be given a particular input

You may know I love to hate tests. Well not the tests actually, what I hate is the TDD culture.

DBMS schema in my app dictates a key can either have a value, or be omitted - it can't be null, and all queries are written with that in mind (also they're checked compile-time against schema). But tester failed to mock schema validation, inserted a bunch of null keys with mock data, actually wrote assertions to check those keys are null (even though they never should be), and wanted me to add "or null" to my "exists" queries.

No, we don't need more tests, and you're not smart with your "edge cases" argument. DBMS and compiler ensure those null values can never exists in our DB, and they're already well tested by their developers. We need you to stop relying on TDD so much you forget about the practical purpose of the code, and to occasionally break from the whole theoretical independent tests to make sure your testing actually aligns with third-party services some code uses.

And no, we don't need more tests to test your mocks, and tests to test those test, and yo dawg, I heard ...

PM looking at Concept Design: "There were checkboxes and now you have radio buttons"

Me: "Those are two separate screens. One is the user inventory, the other populates an add"

PM: "So which is it? Are we using checkboxes or radio buttons?"

Me:"...both? Each where it makes sense?"

PM: "So what's the point of the radio button? If the user can only click one row, why do we need a radio button?"

Me: "Visual representation of what they selected. We could use row highlighting as well, it doesn't really matter"

PM: "But what's the point?"

Me:"...."

I just realized a the Keurig I bought is just a more expensive version of something I already had...

And the older one may have been better and cheaper.. KCups are expensive and the machine makes it very watery....

I think it should let the KCup soak in the water actually which is what the other one does.... and prolly cheaper than those KCups...

Anything from JetBrains is top-tier. Those guys just rock! Their IDEs and programs are just fantastic. Made by developers, for developers.

Who am I kidding? Cats and coffee. Those are what keep me going!

Update to my last rant:

The best teammates are those who don't give a fuck about the project until one week before the deadline and then have the fucking audacity to tell you what to do.

For those of you that went to college or are in college currently, what programming language is the language of choice used in your classes?

A little example of how recriutment in IT works.

Mechanic gets a live mechanic skill test to get a job, as he really wants this job because of lack of money he asks recriuter couple of questions.
Mechanic: do I need to bring my own tools ?
HR: no everything will be provided in place
Mechanic: what would I do during this test ?
HR: everything will be explained just before the test I’m not an engineer so engineer will explain everything to you

The test day, mechainc goes to the test place and the recriuter says:
Recruiter: Your first task is really simple, please tighten those screws, you have 10 minutes
Mechanic: But I don't see the screw driver

Recriuter: I can't say to you how to do it, you figure something out
Mechanic somehow manages to tighten those screws using his belt

Recriuter: Ok so now tell me what force is needed to unscrew them and tell me if you did good if I’d say you need to tighten 1 million screws
Mechanic: I just want to do my job

Recruiter: Hey we are looking for people with broad experience for this position, of course you wont be asked to do that task but we want to know if you’re capable to do the job if we ask you.
Mechanic: answers the question that he will use tools and what devices he will use to measure the force

Recriuter: Can you write this as a mathematical equation ?
Mechanic: don’t know that
Recruiter: Well we can’t hire you we are looking for someone with more knowledge about the topic

Mechanic: But you keep asking me about the fucking screws
Recruiter: Watch your mouth sir because for me you are junior mechanics, you don’t know how to use proper tools and you barely manage to do the first task in time I would use: started elaborating about tools to tighten many screws at a time in a distributed fashion

Mechanic: but to run those tools I would need more than 10 minutes and besides that those are not here
Recruiter: yes they are, we open those doors to get them before our work you suppose to know that and we use those all the time, it was in job description, besides that it is recommended by company xyz to keep those tools behind blue doors, there is nothing here besides blue doors and room with tools and you didn’t know what blue doors are for, you need to learn the basics first

Mechanic resigns. 90% luck 10% skill
Every fucking time.

You know what the worst type of screwups are? Those that have already happened but you don't know about yet.

There you are, coasting along, thinking everything's OK, blissfully unaware that you're fucked. And no matter what you do, you're still fucked.

Fucking regulations, can’t play with twilio api.
Waiting for verification of my identity to make a fucking test call to myself.

Wanted to make a proof of concept during weekend, but won’t happen cause some fucking policies.

Fuck you government pigs.
Probably need to wait to fucking Monday. I will forget what I wanted to do till that time.

We are making your life easier all the time in the news, yeah right eat those popups motherfuckers.

Next regulation - government code reviews before push to master and programmer certification, for sure those fuckers are able to do it.

Really considering emigration from Europe right now.
No fucking point to start a business on this continent.
More fucking law please so we would need a lawyer before wiping ass.
Need to watch that southpark episode about security toilet checkout once again.

Me: So I'm going to study CS.
Dad: Are you going to be an engineer?
Me: Well I'll be a software engineer!
Dad: ???
Me: I'll write software for computers.
Dad: So you're not going to really be an engineer? So you are going to waste your life on those stupid computers... What did I do wrong.
😑😑😑

I’m convinced that CSS is black magic and those that can visualize what it’s going to do before changing code are witches/warlocks.

Usually my attempts end up in humor as the website ends up /comically/ broken. Elements shifted around to not anywhere near they belong, drop downs appearing from completely nonsensical places...

No idea how you all do it.

I don’t know exactly what problems software companies are trying to solve but from some time I started thinking that those are no longer people friendly related problems.

Theres so many motherfucking command line utilities in web development that I'm surprised there isn't a 128 megabyte NPM install for a leftpad CLI.

God damn people who develop tooling for web development are some navel gazing cunts.
"How can I feel more self important? Lets put a CLI in front of this web bundler!"

Dumbasses.

What happened to the days of purity? Of cleanliness? Of kosher compliant web development, where all you had to do was include a script tag?

Gone are those days. Welcome to Babel(on)!
I put a CLI in your CLI so you can masturbate while you masturbate!

COV-SARS-2 rant!!
I know most of us engineers/developers/etc are quite introverted people, who are happiest when we are left alone with our best friends (we all know who/what those are 👨🏼‍💻), but I miss working with colleagues in the office, and seeing some faces as well :(
Discussing plans over hangouts/slack can sometimes be cumbersome, compared to face-to-face conversations 🤷‍♂️

Is it highly likely that, those at high position of management are more greedy of money and posses less ethics and values, than those who actually build the company ie engineers ?

I had seen, it's always the top management who get away from mistakes/ issues but generally it's those who develop the company at core i.e. engineers again, are sidelined or considered responsible for the mistake, when management don't know a shit about anything, or sometimes engineers just follow what management says and management fucks their asses wide even if the management did something wrong.

Who do you think actually build companies/product. Engineers or management or marketers/sales people, who eats fat cheques ??

I remember from silicon valley, when hooli reverse engineered Richards idea and developed their own prototype named Nucleus. Pushed their engineers to beat pipe Piper and when their product turns out to be awfully terrible and extremely fucked like a burned dick with broken balls, they just fired their entire nucleus division

Has anyone tried the "Connect app" on windows? To be able to screen cast for example android screen to windows.
What in the fucking fuck are those guys in Microsoft smoking? It fucking hijacks your mouse and keyboard with no way to control your PC. Only thing that works to go back to your PC is ctrl+alt+delete. Wanna close it? Alt+F4. No fucking UI except some broken pseudo setting. Srsly it seems like some intern did it. WHAT THE SHIT??

Company is replacing "[insert software tool here]" with one that is "better", that "helps us scale", etc. Coincidentally, this always happens when the management muckety muck in charge of that area is replaced by someone from outside the company. While new ideas are good and sometimes needed, I honestly have not ever seen any manager in that position do anything but a "replace what you have with what I used at my last company" exercise. Every day that goes by lowers my expectations of any management figure or exercise. After 3 decades, you'd think those expectations would be low enough to not be surprised anymore. And yet, that's not the case.

When they ask you what you want to do for the next three months.
You give them an answer then poof.
Those are the list of your dream work.

Too much to say. I’m pressed 🤦‍♂️ what are those brw?

I love our industry but it’s filled with way too many tech grifters, fakes and waste men pretending to know what they’re doing. A lot of whom low key hate coding and the people that do it, wish they were as good and those people yet lack the self awareness and humility to see where they fall short and actually learn the technology.

Even if you see the industry as just a way to make some money, learn how to code and if you can’t do that then learn to appreciate the process. Stop talking as if you know what you are doing while embarrassing yourself and coming off as a dunce and condescending to those that do.

Ugh. Those bad sector hard drives are pissing me off! I can't even install Windows 7 properly because some fucking bad sectors are on drive! COULD YOU FUCKING OMIT THEM, SO I CAN FINALLY INSTALL THE FUCKING WINDOWS ON MY MOM'S COWORKER'S COMPUTER AND FUCKING GO HOME!? I'm so pissed off! Now I have to fucking change the OS in hope that it will do the trick. AND GUESS WHAT!? It fucking won't work and the OS will crash more often! AAAARGH YOU SON OF A FEMALE DOG JUST OMIT THE FUCKING SECTORS! (╯°□°）╯︵┻━┻

Working hours basically never end.

Pair that with a very tight schedule and you have the perfect recipe for working from 9AM until 1:30AM everyday including weekends (what are those again?)

Sometimes I feel like I'm a dumb worthless retard, a pathetic excuse of an ape with no reason left to live this pathetic farce of a life.

But then I remember there are people who enforce "prefer-const" in their codebase, and there I realize that if those people are alive and well I must deserve something too, and thus I hold on.

I will outlive you. I will remove that dumb directive from your linter config and I will commit that to master. I care not what happens next.

For those of you who are riding the crypto currency train I have a question. I'm looking to colocate a few antminer s9s and I'm unsure how to verify that the cooling will be adequate.

What is the best way to verify this?

Every time I read someone reply to a post with "lol" I stop for a moment and imagine myself actually laughing out loud to that post. I've got to say, only under ~1% of such posts were actually worth lol'ing. Other times laughing out loud to whatever is there would be retarded at best.

So either I'm a bum with only notions of a sense of humour OR there are far too many retards laughing out loud to basically anything.

Or perhaps there are too many idiots who use 'lol' without knowing what it means.
Or those people so desperately want others' attention that they lie to others pretending to like what they say/do/write by saying "what you did there made me feel so good that I burst in loud laughter".

This is stupid.

If you don't laugh OUT LOUD - then don't say that you do.
If you are not in immediate danger threatening to your life - then don't say you are LITERALLY DYING.

FFS, is it THAT hard?

!rant && POLL

A lot of people are asking for poll feature. There have been many debates. While reading those, I even thought we should probably ask a debate feature before poll.

Anyway you can actually create poll rant. Just gotta be creative and a bit organized like adults (hope we all are).

1) you ask your poll question as rant
2) you enter your poll choices as comments
3) people ++ their favorite choice comment (s)

Of course this is not a poll-poll feature so there are many lacking functions. But at least it works to certain extent.

Eg Question : What is your OS?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to do a military contract as a programmer. Then I remember those guys are always the ones who get murdered on NCIS

To all those geniuses who keep a finger on my screen to show me what they wanted to be changed ,you need to remove your fucking finger first so that I can see what you are talking about. I fucking can’t see through your finger.
Worst part is when they have huge palms that cover most of the screen

Sometimes I really hate designers.

I was collecting the colors used in a new layout and this only the part with gray colors of what I've ended up with.

(I may just merge some of those, like 7 and 8. Also none of them are results of transparent shading, I made sure)

Some common themes I have observed:
1. Why is this API using XML? It should be JSON.
2. Why are they using old shit? It should be new shit.
3. Why are they mixing new shit with old shit?
4. Why is the technology being used not fitting my sense of perfection and order?

What happens when JSON is the old shit? What happens when a new format is adopted that solves some corner case issues with JSON? What if those corner cases were solved by using XML, or a mix of XML and JSON? What happens when all the new shit is the old shit?

We will still be using the new old shit and listening to fucking noobs complain about mixing, matching, and abusing everything ever written. Oh JSON, how quaint and limited. Why did anyone ever use that? Fucking senior devs...

I want to rant about it but I don’t even know what to say.

It’s just sad that people share the most personal things with Facebook and other services as long as it’s not a person who asks for it.

It’s just a machine who knows me better than my parents do.

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES.
Who is behind the machine? Humans.

It’s 2019. Soon 2020.

They still don’t get it.

That’s what you should teach those kids. A class “how to protect your privacy”..

Not this Shit: : if I Buy 20 melons that contain 70% water, they loose 1% each mile. You carry them for 15 miles. 5 of those miles are in the sun which makes the water vaporize 5x faster. How much fruit exclusive water is left at the end?

WHO THE FUCK CARES? We have cooling boxes and cars.

Focus on something important please..

What is that DISGUSTING trend of describing celebrity couples by combining their names? Kim + Kanye = fucking KIMYE? Elon Musk + Grimes = fucking GRUSK? WHAT IS THAT HOOOW AND WHYYY THIS IS SOOO annoying!

Lemme try. Depp + Heard = Hepp? Deard? Jomber? Amnny? What are those?

This should be illegal. Ffs, I'm out

Be who you are and say what you will, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Me 🤗"Since you know the domain far better than me, can I ask you to help me understand if I managed to cover all the edge cases with these UNIT TESTS?
😒" no no no, you don't need to check for those cases, you already do that in your code"
🤗 "I'm sorry, I must have explained myself badly. I have written these UNIT TESTS exactly to ... TEST if those CHECKS in my code work and what I need is you to tell me if there are additional cases ..."
😫"but you don't need to!!! You already have that logic in your code"
😐😵☠ 🦍💊🔫🔪"you know what? I'm gonna give them a second look. Thanks"
And then I moonwalked out of the room

Bruh, imagine paying taxes for a site that literally throws a cryptic error message, instead of telling you "Page not found", because those retards literally redirect to /Account/Login after successfully logging in.

Even better, most people here are don't understand English well enough to understand what is going on.

And I pretty much doubt an admin has been informed...

A note to those snake-like bastards who suck as much arse as they can to climb to a lead position. Nobody likes you. You're a cunt. I hate that word, but that's exactly what you are.

I'm crying internally. The project(s) i work on have configuration files with dev and prod-info, the prod is just commented out. But thanks to reasons everyone has a different dev environment so there are many dev-config-blocks. I just use mine and carry on, BUT SOMEONE ALWAYS COMMITS THOSE FILES. I JUST THOUGHT OF IT NOW, BUT I'LL PUT THOSE FILES ON A BLACKLIST. FROM NOW ON YOU CAN ONLY COMMIT THESE FILES DURING A FULL MOON.

There's also this codebase to create licenses for our products. The license data fpr every customer is there, commented out. If you wanted to create another license, comment something and comment out another thing and you're good to go. THAT'S NOT WHAT VERSIONING IS FOR.

I really don't like the atmosphere in hospitals. Only thing I like about hospitals are the beautiful nurses and doctors, esp those who look in the eyes when talking.

If you think about it, basically what a doctor is to a humans or animals is same as what a computer technician is to a computer.

Maybe a dozen decades down the future, the reality may be such that there will be a convergence between the doctors and computer technicians as humans start integrating humanoid elements in their body.

I think it's l inevitable.

What's wrong with Google and Facebook selling my data, what are the effects directly affecting me from them selling my data? Why should I care that someone is making money off of something from me that doesn't affect me at all?

Putting so much effort into hiding from those companies has more negative effects then just letting them do what they're doing.

I want to freelance when I'm not doing my full time job. To those that are freelancers, how should I get started? What is your experience? How do you guys get customers?

I feel a bit like shit.

I started a new job about 2 months ago. Company is great， culture is amazing，project is interesting， processes are what i always dreamed.

This is after having learned the job from scratch at a startup that was all you can imagine. Tedious，hoping to be something that was not yet and so on....

So we are coming at the last week of a sprint. Its Tuesday and most stories are competed. We dont have a culture of jumping on others PR， its kind of like this is my PR kind of mentality. This is not established its more like an untold rule. But coming to the end i figured， especially if i knew exactly how to fix the PR that o should jump in a make it happen.

Person who owns those prs unassigned themselves from those and added me instead kind of like: “well take it if you want it....”

What are your rules regarding others prs and sprints?

"Most people don't know what files are and don't know how to type and read, so they need tools that look up those files for them, put the numbers and words in those files into graphs and colors, and replace the typing with little buttons."
– imbecile on Reddit

Unstableness of core technology stack. The more developers are there, the more complicated architecture they create that often doesn’t give any significant value besides what if something goes wrong ?

What if you make mistake ?
What if power goes down ?

I feel I am last optimistic thinking software developer on this planet.

I feel that those tools just try to give some sort of power to the management over developer free mind.

Creatures like multicloud, cloud, k8s I feel that it’s just beginning not the end of road. And this beginning is a wrong turn.

It’s just another vendor lock in.

But I might be wrong.

lets say I have managed to hack over 100 PCs (not powerful , all in the same building)
what kind of things should I do to them ?
*mining bitcoin is out - those computers are really bad*

What is a life form?
How exactly a life started on earth? Was it brought from outer space?
Are there any life forms there out of earth?
Can a life form be based not on protein but on some other chemicals?
How exactly the very first life form of the universe was created?
Can digital things be life forms?
Can ideas and concepts be life forms? Can they exists without a medium? If so, where exactly are they stored?
Can we create living things?

Those questions are keeping me up at night

One of our integration solutions (via Webservices) had some issues. I had to switch on http logging to see what might be the issue.

On average, those logs are around 20MB when there is a bunch of traffic. But the solution brought a heap pf traffic through, those logs shot up to 1GB in size.

Had to delete the logs, since they took a million years to open, and told our vendors that the logs are not showing us anything 😅 I told no lies

Hey, you, my new colleague, you are annoying. I have reviewed your PR and left about 50 comments on your mess. I even explained to you why half of your code is shit in a very polite way. I have explained why you have to rewrite that and even how to do that in the best way possible. Result? Half of the code is gone, it works as before but without the overhead.

Now you're annoying cuz I have to go again on conventions and best practices. I totally understand that you've been doing it differently and throwing buzz words at me won't help. Just stop and do it as it's needed in this project, don't reinvent the wheel only because you can.

You know what? Fuck it! I'll approve all your PRs, anyway I am leaving soon. There is no benefit for me to teach you stuff. You're one of those guys that I voted against in interviewing process. But guess what? My manager decided to hire you anyway! Ha! I rarely vote NO and you were a one of those...

Your confidence doesn't impress me. That works on people that have no clue on what you are doing. Your just average at best, not a superstar.

Fuck it, you're on your own now!

It used to be one of the best paying professions, so there is plenty of people who aren't meant to be software developers, but they tried to get money and now suck at it.
Now that standard of living increased by a lot there are other specialists that do not require this much education or talent (but still you need to be decent) and pay comparably or even more, because there is just so much demand for them if they are high quality (people wait for months). Those are mostly people who build, finish or otherwise improve houses and cars. Even unqualified labor got decent pay now, tho still about 1/3 of what average dev will make.

My game design & dev teacher. He was a level designer for an old german game company so he wasn't actually a proper programmer.
What made him a good teacher was he knew what he could teach and what was beyond his skills, and encouraged self study in those areas.
Not that many did, but those who did are all decent devs now.

Hey, I just got myself a bunch of assorted stickers for cheap, but don't know what those two are.

Can someone identify them?

Aaarrgghh! Stupidity of some webdevelopers! Ordering new battery on e-shop and got in my mail devilery report from one freemail service. Checking what kind of spam it is and those lazy bastards are taking my full order and sending it with my e-mail addresses in From to their freemail account. Which correctly rejects it based on SPF as the freemail suprisingly does its job well. Who the hell thought this would be a good idea? Grrrr!

We have to make a final project in college in my country because we get an engineer‘s degree (Ing.) when we have finished them.

Our teacher come in and said he got some projects which fit for our finals.
I asked him what kind of projects those are.
Hey answered that most of them are web applications.
I was like „Now it finally pays off that I‘ve learned JavaScript/TypeScript and how to work with Angular and Node.js“

So I asked if I could made one of these projects with Angular and Node.js

He said „There’s no need for JavaScript, PHP and laravael are requirements.“

I stood up and went out of the class...

wow. Work had someone to talk about software on those space telescopes.

Compare to what they deal with, we are just monkeys! Monkeys!

It's too early to be asking these questions today:

Are your DB schema changes checked into source control?

What branch are they checked into?

Why are the schema changes checked into one branch, but deployed to a completely different database?

Is my CI pipeline deploying incorrectly? Oh, you manually deployed changes.

Are your DB changes in source control an accurate reflection of what you actually put in the staging database?

Why not?

Can I just cherry-pick update my schema with your changes from the staging database?

Why is there a typo in your field name?

Oh. Why is there a typo in the customer data set? Don't they know how to spell that word?

Why is the fucking staging database schema missing three critical tables?

Is the coffee ready? I need coffee.

Why is the coffee not ready yet?

What's going on in DevRant this morning?

What project am I working on now anyway?

Did my schema update finish yet?

Yup, it finished. Crap. Where the hell do I keep those backup files?

What's the command line to restore the file again?

Why doesn't our CLI tool support automated database restores?

I can fix that. What branch name should I check the CLI tool into?

What project was I working on this morning again?

You're allowed to flame me for being a clueless idiot btw.

Why do so many sites append things like titles and words from posts to urls (Devrant included)? I know for sure that this isn't necessary for it to find posts (there are ID's). If there were just those strings of text and the site had to figure it out I would probably kill someone. But really, why are they there? User convenience? So that people see what they're going to read about when you link them to something?

TL;DR Why do urls for rants/posts have lots of text at the end?

As a child I was fascinated with computers. I don't know what about them fascinated me but I knew they were powerful tools. For the longest I had the mentality that those with natural talent are meant to be programmers but recently I heard a quote that changed my perspective completely it says, "What I lack in natural talent I make up for in discipline." I'm learning my first language now and I'm obsessed with it and I'm learning new things everyday. I don't ever see myself stopping.

WTF 😐. It does simply everything. Probably throws nuclear bombs and then catches orphaned children to be a TeaserLink. Yeah I got it 😀!

Don't you just love those Stack Overflow answers that are filled with questions and judgement, (don't get me started with "What are your specs?" which I find the worst)

So.. i have been doing internship with a good startup for last 2 months. It was supposed to be a 3 month internship and then maybe a job offer. I accepted this , but with a disclaimer that i will be taking leaves for exams.

They looked like they didn't liked this condition, saying "we won't be giving pay for those days" , "you will need your manager's approval", etc, but later i took 5-6 continuous leaves for my papers and my manager( aka the ceo) wouldn't even read my approval mail ( i did got deductions for those leaves tho, but i was fine with it )

Now the situation is that my final end term exams are coming up. They are supposed to go on for 15 days somewhere in December beginning, but i also need an extra 10-15 days to cover the syllabus for it. Apart from those, there are other college stuff like Second Sessionals, internal practicals ,minor project report submission , etc are also coming up, that are supposed to take anywhere from 1 to 5-6 continuous days in the first weeks of November.

So i asked my company for 2 months of leave to handle my college environment. The tasks assigned to me are incomplete , but i am well versed in those and might complete it if i had more time. I gave them an option that i will resume my work from January and complete my 3 months of internship ( i currently am about to complete 2 months , November would have been the 3rd) , but they said that they are "freeing me" in the October only ( i guess this means that my internship is being terminated and am off from company's payroll). They also asked me to contact company once all exam stuff is over, but yesterday i got suddenly removed from the company's slack group. I am not sure how to look at this.

They have also asked me to prepare a report on what i have done. Now i can send them a report like what i would have given to my college : containing more useless info and a few points on my work . Or i could provide them with a deep report on what i did each day, what are the bugs , what are the resources that i found , what are the things that need to be enhanced, links to important groups and people... Etc . I have so much of information that i fear they might hire someone else to complete all stuff that i have started and my material would give him a kickstart.
But on the other hand , it was their office that i worked in, their ideas that i built upon, so i feel a moral obligation to provide all assistance to my replacement.

What should i do?

(tldr : company asking for a report on work you did during internship that was supposed to be converted to job . wwyd?)

Screw Scrum, screw it very much. Is it a task or a story? Oh let's make it a story to track points. What are points, really? *20 minute grilling always follows* Well they're kind of a roundabout way of talking about time without talking about time, mkay? But last time 2 points took you a day, what gives now? What do you mean points are for internal use, but how will management plan ahead for next quarter? Ok, let's mix in all those new people, and propotionately bump the expectation for the sprint, mkay? Yeah, they did 34 points per sprint over there, we'll just add those in. Oh, and by the way, after the 4-day estimation session we had where everyone was seizuring, I scheduled us at 645 points for the coming quarter, mkay? Don't worry, I added 15% for the "unexpected dtuff" so you're safe. Fuck you scrum, scrum-fall, whatever you are. Lost a dev lead role once for being honest about it after a year with a team that loved me, and projects completed more or less on time. Been reconsidered for a dev lead role for being honest about it in another place. Somebody else peddle this kool-aid, this one prefers a walk-on role in the wall to a lead role in the cage.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." - Dr. Seuss