My dad found a phone a few weeks ago and asked me what he should do with it. Knowing how much it hurts to lose personal data, I said I could try to find the owner and send it back.

My first attempt was to search through the files on the SD card in order to find an identifying document (CV, bill, address...) but there were only family pictures.

My second attempt was to unlock the phone and check the information about the owner and the accounts linked to it. But for this to be possible adb has to be enabled. Good thing is that that particular brand shows an option for activating adb on the recovery menu.

But then, it's Android Oreo and I haven't found a way to lift the lock pattern. I thought I could bruteforce it over the shell (as I found there could be about 1300 possibilities for 2 to 5 point patterns), but there is the same attempt throttling as on the screen so that would take ages.

Finally, I found the owner in the most "social" way : The phone was displaying the weather for a particular place. It turns out that there are only 3K inhabitants in that city, si I thought that a big enough Facebook group might help me find the owner. So I posted a message on a 500 people FB group dedicated to this city with a selfie of the owner : someone identified her within 20 minutes.

Mission accomplished 😎

(overheard parents talking)

Mum: I'm worried about our son, I guess he was hacking today
Dad: What? [Chuckle] No. He's not that grown up enough. Prolly programming.
Mum: But, the screen was all blue and there was nothing but text on it. And then suddenly it went blank. So, I asked him what he was doing and he said it was a BSOD. That sounds scary NSA level stuff.
Dad: it isn't [came out of the room, saw me there]

(And we laughed and laughed and laughed)

There was a problem with a server we were staging on, and I was providing DevOps help remote.

As a joke I said, "haha if you run `sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root` everything will be fixed!"

They ran it. RIP server-kun 2016-2018 💨

GUYS!!! SHE SAID "YES" !!!!

I'M SOOOO HAPPYYYYY!!!

All my dreams are becoming real! I was so nervous to ask, but it was worth it! I waited for the right moment, looked her in her eyes, she looked at mine.. And there I asked it: "are you willing to give it a try and install libreoffice instead of ms office?"

AND SHE SAID: "yes"!!!

Do I have the best wife or what!

My friend called me up once saying the new mouse he bought to use with his laptop wasn't working.
I told him to just plug it into the usb port and it should just work immediately.
After an hour of trying shitload of things I finally gave up and said I'll come over and have a look.

And there was his mouse.

Connected to a phone charger.

To a wall outlet.

So this happened today.

Client: hey I sent this ticket, what's the status/have you located the issue?
Me: well, it says it quite obviously in the error message...? (i actually said that, toned down afterwards a little)
Client: where's the error message then?
Me: 5th line....? It's literally there in plain english?
Client: ok so what does it mean?
Me:..............? "marked as spam by the receiving server"?!
Client: yeah ok but what does that mean?

😐

Thing to keep in mind: they're a web dev/email solutions company.

😐😩

Coworker in my team recently said to boss:

"Thanks, this conversation with you has taught me so much about single-threaded blocking I/O"

Some random PR comments from our company's repository:

"Are you insured? I hope you are insured"

"Learning git is not that difficult. You only need one command: git reset --hard"

*Link to amazon for dog poop bags*
"Please clean up your shit, before I step in it"

"Have you thought about a career in sales? At least there you might sell your bullshit"

i was browsing tinder and there was a girl with a bio status that said

"if you are in IT, swipe left, get the fuck away from me"

Had an external hdd for backing up family photos etc. (back when I just discovered Linux and still used windows as well)

Connected it to my windows system and it said that the thing was corrupt and i had to format it.

Well fuck, a few hundred gb's of pictures, memories, backups etc etc probably lost. (keep in mind I didn't know that much about computers at that point)

Was about to format that thing with literally tears in my eyes when I thought I'd, because why the fuck not since I was out of options anyways, try it as well on my Ubuntu installation.

EVERYTHING WAS STILL ON THERE AND PERFECTLY ACCESSIBLE.

After a very much rage attack on windows I formatted the windows partition and used that as a backup space as well :).

Developed an android app for the client. It was going great. Prototype for the initial (and static) content to show to the client was on the way. All until...

*goes back in time to when we were developing the prototype*

The asshole boss: "Wow this is good, just remove the login after the splash screen. Redirect it to the dashboard immediately."

Me: "What? Why?"

TAB: "He (the CEO of our company) said that the client doesn't need to see the login."

Me: "Well, alright." (Orders are orders, better remove it)

*A few days later, we present the prototype to the CEO. He'll be the one talking to the client. TAB isn't in this meeting.*

CEO: "Where is the login screen?"

Me: *dumbfounded and confused, in silence, and pressure rising*

The Good Boss: *whispers* "Where is the login screen? I thought I told you guys it should be there."

Me: *whispers* "TAB told us to remove it."

TGB: *Looks toward CEO* "TAB told us to remove it."

CEO: "Ugh. TAB is sick."

A little giggle. Nonetheless the meeting continued. He was displeased. I was a little guilty. The login screen's code was already there. Just couldn't show it since the app doesn't redirect there anymore.

*A discussion after the meeting*

TGB: "Why'd you guys remove the login?"

Me: "You and TAB had a meeting with the CEO the other day. After the discussion TAB went to us and told us to change it."

TGB: "But the CEO said no such thing! Anyway, let's go back to the office and straighten this out tomorrow."

*The next day, TAB was in the office*

TGB: *Chatting on messenger with me* "He is completely denying it."

Me: "WHAT?"

TGB: "He said he never told you guys anything. And he is persistent. I kept telling him it was his fault, but he denies all of it. He never approached you guys to change anything."

Me: "Well yeah. I guess we magically thought to ourselves and said, 'Hey, let's remove the login screen for fun. Let's show them less content because that's how we please our clients!' -_-"

Seriously, what kind of assholefuckery is this. This shit is a whole new level. I am so TRIGGERED.

I don't really care that the meeting didn't go as planned. Just MAN UP AND ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE YOU FILTHY SON OF A GOOSE. Never listening to this asshole again. Thought he could be trusted. I will always ask my good boss next time.

"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that holds all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.

~Record scratch.mp3

~Freeze frame.mp4

"You're probably wondering how we got to this stage? Let's wind back a little, shall we?"

~reverseRecordSound.wav

A light tapping was heard at the entrance of my office. 

"Oh hey [Boss] how are you doing?" I said politely

"Do you want to talk here, or do you want to talk in my office? I don't have anyone in my office right now, so..."

"Ok, we can go to your office," I said.

We walked momentarily, my eyes following the newly placed carpeting. 

Some words were shared, but nothing that seemed mildly important. Just necessary things to say. Platitudes, I supposed you could call them.

We get to his office, it was wider now because of some missing furniture. I quickly grab a seat.

"So tell me what you've been working on," I said politely.

"I just finished up on our [project] that required proper saving and restoring."

"Great! How did you pull it off?" I asked excitedly. 

He starts to explain to me what he did, and even opens up the UI to display the changes working correctly.

"That's pretty cool," admiring his work.

"But what's going on here? It looks like you deleted my class." I said, looking at his code.

"Oh, yeah, that. It looked like spaghetti code so I deleted it. It seemed really bulky and unnecessary for what we were doing."

"Wait, hold on," I said wildly surprised that he thought that a class with some simple setters and getters was spaghetti code.

"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that organizes all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.

"Yeah! I put everything in a list of lists."

"What, that's not efficient at all!" I exclaimed

"Well, I mean look at what you were doing here,"  he said, as he displays to me my old code. 

"What's confusing about that?" I asked politely, but a little unnerved that he did something like this.

"Well I mean look at this," he said, now showing his "improved" code. 

"We don't have that huge block of code (referring to my class) anymore filling up the file." He said almost a little too joyously. 

"Ok, hold on," I said to him, waving my hand. "Go back to my code and I can show you how it is working. Here we are getting all the labels and spin boxes into their own objects." I said pointing a little further down in the code. "Down here we are returning the spin boxes we want to work with. Here and here, are setters so we can set maximum and minimum values for the spin box."

"Oh... I guess that's not that complicated. but still, that doesn't seem like really good bookkeeping." He said. 

"Well, there are some people that would argue with you on that," I said, thinking about devRant.

He quickly switches back to his code and shows me what he did. "Look, here." He said pointing to his list of lists. "We have our spin boxes and labels all called and accounted for. And further down we can use a for loop to parse through them."

He then drags both our version of the code and shows the differences. I pause him for a moment

"Hold on, you mean you think this" I'm now pointing at my setters "is more spaghetti than this" I'm now pointing at his list of lists.

"I mean yeah, it makes more sense to me to do it this way for the sake of bookkeeping because I don't understand your Object Oriented Programming stuff."

...

After some time of going back and forth on this, he finally said to me.
"It doesn't matter, this is my project."

Honestly, I was a little heart broken, because it may be his project but part of me is still in there. Part of my effort in making it the best it can be is in there.

I'm sorry, but it's just as much my project as it is yours.

Got laid off my by old employer back in 2019 because they have their priorities completely wrong.
Got a mail today whether I could fix something for them (ofc, they wanted me to do it essentially for free).
One of the websites I built for a customer back when I still worked there had a massive bug (that I was aware off and patched in later versions of the library causing it).
They never updated it so, I told them "just update the library".

Apparently, the idiot that was in charge of maintaining said site after I left didn't know how to and completely broke everything.
The hilarious part: While I setup everything using stuff like Docker and Git to make rollbacks easy...
That idiot went back to FTP and manually upgrading the databases through PhpMyAdmin :^)
He nuked the entire site.
Database? Gone.
Codebase? Borked (installed a version with a lot of breaking changes without properly reading the migration guide).
And knowing that shit company, they don't have any backups either.

They said "I wasn't needed because we have other good devs" when they laid me off.
Uhu, I can eh... see those good devs doing their job :^)

GUESS WHAT? HE WANTS ANOTHER FUCKING FEATURE!

AND WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T HAVE TIME BECAUSE CODE-COMPLETE IS TOMORROW, HE SAID HE’LL PUNT IT TO NEXT YEAR INSTEAD OF RELEASING IT THIS WEEK SO I CAN “BUILD IT RIGHT.” MAN, FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENDLESS CHANGES!

THIS WAS GOING TO BE A TWO WEEK TICKET UNTIL HE STARTED ADDING ENDLESS FEATURES AND CHANGES AND SURPRISES. IT’S BEEN FUCKING MONTHS! I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT!

ANSDFKAWHOALIKWEGJFADIO;UGJT;

There goes my Q4 performance review.
> “Accomplishments? Oh, there’s lots of room here. Accomplished: Basically nothing. How embarrassing.”

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

GitHub > PornHub

There. I Said It.

html {
design: responsive;
}

I fucking hate frontend webdeveloping... It was all nice! Vertically aligning items using flexbox etc... But then God said, "let there be cunts who use unsupported browsers!"

FUCKING HELL I HATE IT

Client: We're gonna be hosting our site on [Overly popular shit host] via a shared hosting account.

Me: Well the performance isn't going to be stellar with WordPress on there, but if that's what you want, sure. I'll enable all the cache rules possible and make sure PHP 7 is running it, but there won't be any further optimizations I can do to make it faster with such limited hosting access.

[Next day after launching the website...]

Client: The website is super slow. I thought you were going to optimize it?

Me: That is the loading time with the optimizations I said I can apply. That host isn't great for performance unfortunately.

Client: Well you're going to need to find us a reputable host as a replacement, set up the account and move the website there so we aren't waiting forever for a page to load.

Me (in a reply via email):

"Can you help me make an app? I've got this perfect idea, but I can't tell you what it is until you've said yes."

SIGH. I wish these people knew that perfect ideas are worthless, there are plenty of them. Perfect executions of good ideas are what has value.

i work on a music streaming app.

bug: playlist description shows there are X songs inside. But when you go inside it says there are Y songs in the list. the list actually containing Y songs.

hack: when a user goes in, cache Y and display it outside in the description next time.

result: user sees X songs in playlist description, goes in playlist and sees Y songs. goes back to check why it said X before but now it doesnt say X anymore coz we cached Y and display that in the description from now on so the user assumes they are imagining things

I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

"Hi, Ray," he said.

I replied, "Get lost Gates, I'm in a meeting."

Used to work for a company that used asterisk for telecommunications.

Boss asked me to quickly change the call charge costs effective immediately. Finished 3diting. Went to piss. Some douche from sales came and pressed asdffggkl into the code, went down 50 lines and left it there.

Got back. Saved the code, pushed through live without testing.

Get a call three minutes later asking what the fuck did I do. There were already 450 call tickets from clients moaning they couldnt call.

So I went and checked the file I pushed. Tested it. What. Line 460 asdffggkl? What the fuck.

Removed it and boom it worked.

Got called in and said I cost the company four times my salary. Said it wasn't me, I wouldn't make a mistake like that. Told him that it was my fuck up for leaving my pc open, and that it probably was best to lock the screen.

Said I'm lying. Pulled the fucking camera footage and there was the fucker changing my code.

I got pardoned, he got a warning (just a warning). For 15 Min, I thought my ass was fired.

Will never make that naive mistake again.

React is overrated! There! I said it!

The amount of people who don't know the difference between kilobyte and kibibyte is too damn high. So much confusion.

TL;DR : Most people use Kilobyte ( KB ) and Kibibyte ( KiB ) wrong and i am angry about it.

When i first got involved with software as a teenager, i always wondered why we convert kilo to mega with multiplying by 1024, when we do it with multiplying by 1000 basically everywhere else. Our physics teacher called this SI unit system and told us that this is an internationally accepted statement. So why is there a different rule ? Did i miss out something ? Regrettably I didn't ask her about this.

I just didn't get fully as a teenager. Now, as I am a developer now, i understand that dealing with power or ten is troublesome. Due to ease of work, we lazily mess with SI system and use it wrongly. Isn't it the time we end this abomination ?

2 years ago i talked to a friend about this, he said that i shouldn't bother.
I talked to a teacher, he said "you are right but using different brand of unit system can be overkill, since there is not much difference anyways." I said okay and left.

1 mega = 1000 kilo
1 giga = 1000 mega etc

also,

MB = Megabyte ( 1000 Kilobyte )
KB = Kilobyte ( 1000 Byte )
MiB = Mebibyte ( 1024 Kibibyte )
KiB = Kibibyte ( 1024 Byte )

I am writing this because today i saw someone do it wrong on the internet, all of these came into mind. I wonder your approach about this, for research purposes.

Call me dick all you want, but i am the guy who always corrects uncertainty, no matter what. Things should be in place, correctly. No i don't have OCD. If you say something like "I have 1 MB of executable file, which means i have 1024 KB of it", i will find you, and i will correct you.

I was at Leeds Central train station the other day, waiting for the platform to be announced on the screen in the main bit. I noticed a commotion to my right. There was a teenage girl screaming and writhing around on the floor, her mother was knelt on one knee trying to calm her. I walked over without thinking, I know nothing about Epilepsy or first aid, at a push I could probably figure out the recovery position from a faint diagram i have stored in the unused part if my brain...

(it’s where I keep the washing machine instructions, which incidentally were designed for maximum confusion, if Id designed a washing machine it would have 1 button labelled ‘wash’)...

Sorry, back to the story. So i walked over and just before I got there, with the mother looking directly at me, I realised, what the fuck am I doing, meanwhile the daughter was screaming still and writhing, a bit like a rapid angel print you would make in the snow as a kid (until your hand touched the dog shit).

I couldn’t help it, the words just came out, like a dumb fucker, i said ‘Has she got epilepsy?’ , i stood there waiting for the sarcastic comment or the murderous stare, even a fuck off would suffice, so that I could remove myself from the situation.

To my surprise, and shock, she looked at me, calmly and said “oh no, it’s not epilepsy or anything like that.... she’s lost her iPhone”.

So I said I'd rant this yesterday but a long night of server management came in the way!

Yesterday @trogus mentioned in a comment that he thinks everyone deserves a place where they feel like home and this is that place for me along with some sub-places which derived from here.

So in this linux/foss chat yesterday I was trying to get into an IRC chatroom (all people there (or at least a lot) are also like minded on privacy/security). I don't want to use email signup if not absolutely neccesary (don't judge me, everyone there own thing) and I found out very late (after 20 minutes of instructions from a fellow devRanter) that this thing required email signup. I didn't wanna do that so I said that and started typing a whole essay of why I'd rather not do that and what my reasons are (privacy partly) but then the guy said: "haha you got it man".

For one second I forgot that I don't have to explain myself over there on stuff regarding privacy that a lot of people would find paranoid. Man, that feels like being home :).

I suck at maths. Hard. But i can still write proper code. There, i said it.

Hey guys, first rant,

At the moment I'm developing a very big and complex app. We are almost done and decided to deliver a test version to our customer. After he received our test he called us and said there is a problem with a function, he just said it's not working and wasn't very specific.

So I decided to check his problem, because an colleague couldn't figure it out.
I started the app via android studio and had a similar problem, there was a huge delay at the automatic recording function of Bluetooth messages, I thought yeah this is his problem.
I showed it my colleague and he said that he doesn't have this problem, we have different Bluetooth simulators so we thought that there must be a problem with the Bluetooth communication or the simulators are broken.
I checked if there is some kind of timing or buffer problem and logged the shit out of the simulator and found nothing, 3 hours were lost🏁.

My colleague checked his last changes because he had changed a lot at the App Api do to new conditions and those customer wishes💀 he couldn't found anything. So we thought maybe it's my device and the device of the customer. We switched the devices and tada no problem with my devices if the app is builded at the pc of my colleague.

I thought ok maybe it's because I turned some ndk features off. Turned it back on, nothing happened. So we exchanged our Android Studio Settings but no difference. So I said yeah whatever my mashine is just fucked. I restarted my mashine for the third time and started android fucking studio. Some little popup showed up "new updates"... the solution came to my mind ... Do to an update of android studio I excidently turned on Instant Run.....🌋 . I checked it, it was activated, these fucking instant run, great idea but not working... Turned it off, everything worked.
I called the customer because he can't have a problem and he said, this time not angry, oh yeah it was just a notification if I want to turn on my Bluetooth and I decided no and the Bluetooth recording is not recording, this is a problem... -😠NO FUCKING COMMENT😤-

Yes I am a Linux user and yes I don't like windows and this is NOT a windows hate post but I've been a windows user intil the age of 15 and this is the one thing I still cannot wrap my head around. Fun fact is that I also talked about this with my examinator guy who is a 'hardcore' windows user and he fully agreed 😆

Whenever I was either at the start menu or within for example the downloads folder, when I'd put something in there or downloaded something and later on wanted to search for it through the start menu or the folder viewer itself, IT ALWAYS RETURNED AS 'NOT FOUND'.

Whenever I search for that fucking file, it always said that it couldn't find the damn fucking file.

AND THEN WHEN YOU SCROLL THROUGH THE FUCKING FOLDER IT IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF YOU.

I've used many linux distro's and even OSX for a very little and it always works perfectly on there but windows ALWAYS fucked this one up for me and appearantly (according to them though) I am not the only one who this doesn't work for!

I still find this one very weird.

I once had a client who wanted a system where no matter what type of file someone uploaded we'd make a PDF out of it. I don't mean "print to PDF", I mean like a straight conversion. A picture, a doc file, a speadsheet, an MP3, a video, a CAD file, a .ivt file format you and I make up right now and tell no one else about for storing Iowan votes, anything.

I told him that was impossible.* There are indeed things out there where you can print to a pdf, but it would mean that a program that knows what a .grml file is, and how to represent it on paper, assuming it even can be, is involved in the middle.

He refused to believe me, and found a company where the sales person swore up and down their product could do it. I said "then you explained it wrong" and we went back and forth. It culminated in me being put in contact with THEIR programmer. I explained what he was looking for. Their programmer replied along the lines of "but that's impossible, and also what would a PDF of half these examples even look like?" I basically said "I know, but your guy is telling my guy you can do this, so you need to tell your guy to STFU before we ALL get roped into trying to convert Duke Nukem maps and zip files full of dlls to pdfs."

Luckily it finally died after that, but the whole ordeal took months.

*I'm being direct/blunt for the sake of brevity when recapping what I said, just fill in the usual "talking with a client niceties"

A roommate said he didnt have internet on his laptop. Wifi wasnt working for him and the cable doesnt fit because he has a new ethernet port and needs another cable for that.

I told him that there is no new ethernet port or new ethernet port standard, I would have heard about it.

But he insisted that it was true.

So I grabbed the ethernet cable, pulled the clamp on his ethernet port down (as most new laptops now have) and plugged the cable in.

One of the morons said today that we should use C because you don't need to "apply logic" in Python. Everything is automated in python. Fucking morons............

It doesn't ends here. One of the "9 pointers gang" student raised an objection. I was happy untill he said that there is no boolean datatype in C. I literally shouted "Shut up, morons. There is a whole fucking library dedicated to it." in a class of 60 students.

Don't know how I survived 3 years here. And more importantly, don't know how will I survive my next year.

P.S.: the 9 pointer guy who raised the objection, once asked me whether chrome is developed and maintained by Google?

I’m so mad I’m fighting back anger tears. This is a long rant and I apologize but I’m so freaking mad.

So a few weeks ago I was asked by my lead staff person to do a data analysis project for the director of our dept. It was a pretty big project, spanning thousands of users. I was excited because I love this sort of thing and I really don’t have anything else to do. Well I don’t have access to the dataset, so I had to get it from my lead and he said he’d do it when he had a chance. Three days later he hadn’t given it to me yet. I approach him and he follows me to my desk, gives me his login and password to login to the secure freaking database, then has me clone it and put it on my computer.

So, I start working on it. It took me about six hours to clean the database, 2 to set up the parameters and plan of attack, and two or three to visualize the data. I realized about halfway through that my lead wasn’t sure about the parameters of the analysis, and I mentioned to him that the director had asked for more information than what he was having me do. He tells me he will speak with director.

So, our director is never there, so I give my lead about a week to speak with her, in the mean time I finish the project to the specifications that the director gave. I even included notes about information that I would need to make more accurate predictions, to draw conclusions, etc. It was really well documented.

Finally, exasperated, and with the project finished but just sitting on my computer for a week, I approached my director on a Saturday when I was working overtime. She confirmed that I needed to what she said in the project specs (duh), and also mentioned she needed a bigger data set than what I was working with if we had one. She told me to speak to my lead on Monday about this, but said that my work looked great.

Monday came and my lead wasn’t there so I spoke with my supervisor and she said that what I was using was the entire dataset, and that my work looked great and I could just send it off. So, at this point 2/3 of my bosses have seen the project, reviewed it, told me it was great, and confirmed that I was doing the right thing.

I sent it off to the director to disseminate to the appropriate people. Again, she looked at it and said it was great.

A week later (today) one of the people that the project was sent to approaches me and tells me that i did a great job and thank you so much for blah blah blah. She then asks me if the dataset I used included blahblah, and I said no, that I used what was given to me but that I’d be happy to go in and fix it if given the necessary data.

She tells me, “yeah the director was under the impression that these numbers were all about blahblah, so I think there was some kind of misunderstanding.” And then implied that I would not be the one fixing the mistake.

I’m being taken off of the project for two reasons: 1. it took to long to get the project out in the first place,
2. It didn’t even answer the questions that they needed answered.

I fucking told them in the notes and ALL THROUGH THE VISUALIZATIONS that I needed additional data to compare these things I’m so fucking mad. I’m so mad.

Boss: We want this feature ASAP, how will it take from your time?

Me:*giving honest estimation* about 4 days, there are many details to handle..

Boss: oh, we need it tomorrow evening, I said to the client it'll be ready..

SO WHY YOU ASKING ME FOR ESTIMATION YOU F**
😠🤬

Sometime in mid 2013 or 2014 as a junior dev I woke up to a call from my company's CEO. He informed me that the legacy system they use for order processing is down nationwide that nobody can add new orders until it's fixed and that I needed to fix it. I had been working there 6 months and was hired along with a senior dev to begin developing a web app to replace this legacy system. The senior dev had left the company two weeks earlier for a better offer so it was put on me to figure it out. I was very frank with the CEO and told him I didn't know if I could fix it and suggested he try to call the company they hired to create it. I didn't even know where the source code was let alone what the design paradigm was or whether or not there was any documentation. He said he would try figuring out who created it and give them a call and asked "As a developer you shouldn't you be able to fix this?" I just told him it wasn't that simple and left it at that.

I get to work and the CEO has discovered that the company who created the software no longer exists and I tell him he may need to find a company to consult on this if I can find the source code and if I can't find the code he might be screwed.
I found the source code in a random IT shared folder there is no source control, no documentation, no unit tests, no test environment, and it looks like nobody had touched it since 2005 or about 8 years.

Despite being completely unfamiliar with the code and the design paradigm I was able to figure out that they were validating customer addresses against an old Google geocoding API that was shutdown the day before and the lack of response was killing the application. I fixed the issue and warned the CEO before deployment that I wasn't able to test but he said to go ahead and thankfully all went well.

So the battery of our YouBot died, and since it's deprecated we had to ask the EE department to manufacture one for us. When a member of my group asked them for the custom battery last year, it took them 5+ weeks to get it.
Today I went there, and threatened the engineer to cry daily outside his room until it's ready. He already ordered the parts and said I will have it assembled by Tuesday.
I am totally in love with the terrifying effect a crying female has over male engineers.

My teacher at school who taught me programming. We were taught Java.

You see, Java is not a beginner's language, most say. But the way she taught it, the examples, the analogy, the explanation; she made it so easy.

She made us execute our first Hello World program (using BlueJ) and proudly said, "you're all programmers now!", that was when fascination took me over. I remember​ that moment till today.

Also, unlike regular exams, the programming exams required extreme competency. Marks were split up for algorithm and syntax. There were also questions like find the error in this algorithm for this output. She would always surprise us at the exams!

I had several glorious moments in class by being the first to answer most of her questions. At 13, it was kind of a big deal for me.
(Okay, who am I kidding, it still is :-P)

*sigh*

It was mostly just self learning from there. I switched schools and then there was college. Attending classes in college was like going to the gym with fat trainers. Utterly useless :-/ It just made me appreciate her even more.

I <3 PHP

there, I said it.

A new urgent request today…

“ITS URGENT WE NEED THIS CODE IN IMMEDIATELY I DONT CARE IF ITS FRIDAY WE NEED IT THERE BY ONE HOUR”

“What is happening?”

“ADD THIS CODE TO OUR CODE”

(A snippet to track marketing conversions from fb)

“Uhhh it’s Friday and our product won’t release to the public for 2 months anyway?”

“YOU DONT GET HOW URGENT IT IS, MUST BE THERE IN AN HOUR OR WE’LL LOSE DATA”

“O….k”

Spoiler: data said that today we had no customers on an unreleased project. Go figure!

When I managed to minimize the processing time of the project I'm currently handling. It went down from 30min-1hr to 7min-15mins. The project owner was so happy, said it made his life easier. I was told I did a good job by my manager.

I feel like a real dev then and there. So whenever I'm having a bad day, feeling insecure, I try to remember that day when I was able to do something right. :)

Any code I make for clients is under a strict license unless specified otherwise. It's a straight forward license pretty much stating that they can't sell it or claim it as their own. I've had a few clients break that license but one stood out. I had made a piece of software that cost her over $2,500 due to the amount of hours that went into it. The transaction went along smoothly so there was nothing to be alarmed about. She came back for more work about 6 months later and I decided to do some checking up on her to see how her business was going. Immediately smack bang on the home page was my software being sold for $30/month. Needless to say I was outraged. She said there was no talk of a license which I responded with pulling out the contract that she signed where it explained that signing the contract meant she was in agreement with the specified license. 2 months after this started, I'm being awarded any profits made from said software along with her closing down the website. As much of a bitch as she was, it wasn't worth my time trying to get more out of her.

My macbook air sort of exploded. I was working on it when suddenly it made a pop sound, turned off and exhaled a smelly smoke. This machine has 2 and a half years.
I called apple support but they said the smoke is OK since there wasn't any fire, and I should take it to a repair shop.

Oh well.

I received my Driver's licence today. Yayy!! (I had been waiting for it for quite some time,worried if it will ever reach me)
Then I casually asked the postman. If there was any other package for me, because I am expecting a little blue package sent from US.
And he said he'll go back and check.

A few minutes later the door bell rang again 😍🤩
Here they are 😋.

I hope,even the devrant stickers reach me soon 😣.

Today I announced to a customer (a shitty one) that we had lost all their data. When I was done explaining what happened, one of my employee turn to me and said :"oh! I know where the data are. I did a backup there". It was after 1 weeks of searching that the tech decided to tell us he knew where all the backup went... Now I have to call the customer again...

I got a 9.8/10 for my programming test. I went to ask the teacher what the issue was. He showed me my test but there was no red mark anywhere. So I asked why, and he said it's because I used LINQ, and I couldn't use it because others students might not know it...

I bet you he doesn't understand it aswell...

Client: Hey. So. LOVE your work. Got my computer repaired at your place a few weeks ago. And you guys did a GREAT job. But noooooow...my phone is acting up. Can you fix it?

Me: Why yes! We can! It will be ________! Keep in mind, the price includes all labor and comes with a three month warranty!

Client: But you said the last time I was there I had a warranty. Why isn't my phone covered under warranty?

Me: because the warranty only covers your computer issue that we fixed.

Client: BUT YOU SAID I HAD A WARRANTY!!!!!

It was at that moment I wanted nothing more than to sink into the wall behind me and wash my hands of this insanity.

There is a god forsaken Project Manager in my company that I got to work with since I started there. She has been there way longer than I am and she asks the most ridiculous questions. A couple days ago she wanted to know when a specific scenario occurred in an app (it was a feature she asked for, mind you). I told her "When the status is ACTIVE and the distributor is {{random distributor}}"

She stopped for a few seconds. Nodded and asked "And when does the scenario NOT occur?"

I couldn't hold it it and I barked an "are you serious right now?"

It may have come across as a bit rude and she called her superior who was passing by. Ranted a bit about my reaction and when he tried to understand the question he said to her "Isn't it obvious?"

I do believe I glowed in bright tones of green and purple for a minute or two

There was once this customer, which wanted a project done. It was for around 2/3 weeks of work. The arranged cost was 500€, but when I said how long I'll need, he said:
No. I need it done in 5 days. Every day over, I deduct 50€ from the payment.
I was out of the building in less than a minute.
Fuck this type of customers.

Second day on the job, only one with no real degree in software development (did much stuff in free time, just finished school, got the job mainly because i knew people there)
So you can imagine that they were sceptic about me.

Chief executive whatever told me there is a problem with some JavaScript they can't fix cus there is no time and shit for that.
I was like ALL IN and said i could do this in a few mins.

Fixed it in 20 mins. Everyone was cheering. I was like "Well it was the right decision to not do my homework back in the days.." 😁

In this episode of "office drama", we have the head secretary asking me if I want to contribute to the gift for the baby of some guy I don't know well. (I'm new to the office btw)
When I refuse, saying that I don't know him well enough to want to contribute, she says "that's okay, but we won't be collecting for a gift for you once you have a baby. We want to be a '''team''' ".

😐

I just said "that's fair", but maaaaaaaan! Since when is it okay to demand that someone participates in a gift, while ignoring their social or financial circumstances? 😤

Update: went to her office to talk about this "being a part of the team" and clear things up. She said, and I quote "I don't have time for this". And by that, swords have been unsheathed. I guess there is no pleasing some people.

Today a colleague of mine asked me to help with some javascript. So I said sure, it will be done in 5 minutes. Im a fullstack developer with a focus on backend in this project.
So I opened the frontend part and was amazed how shit the javascript file was. Yes you read it right FILE...
One big file with a lot of variables in the window scope.
Because she was in “charge” of the frontenders because she works there a bit longer then me I never checked the frontend code.
I said I wont/cant help unless I see better code. I explained to a trainee what could be done to change it and Im impressed that the trainee did a better job then the employee and quick as well.
Got the whole code in seperate files with each part of the code in seperate scopes within 2 hours.

What Im saying here is that even as student, intern or trainee you can know things better thsn someone with experience, dont be afraid to speak up. Because everyone can learn from eachother.

I was 8 years old the boy in the block invited me said I have something to show you. His parents bought him a Macintosh. He typed my name on the black screen and there was a response.
He said look it says “How are you?” And I was mesmerised got so excited I was like wow 😲
Guess what the text was actually saying? syntax error 😂 Little did I know at that time!!
I went home and told my parents, can you believe what I’ve seen today?? Computer responded me talked to me!!
On my birthday I got a Commodore 64 that year and the story begun.

My previous manager always complained about the programmer that used to be there before me was utterly incompetent and unable to work.

One day checking a legacy app that needed a minor update I was looking at the code and said: “It is true the previous programmer didn’t even know how to put together 2 lines of code, this is literally the shittiest thing I have ever seen, thank God he is not around anymore!”

…

Manager: “Actually I wrote this myself”

…
…

Had a tinder "date" last night. Shit was just awkward the entire time. She lives right over a state border, and I live right on the other side, so it was maybe a 10 minute drive. Plus she had a bunny, so that was pretty cool.

She said she wasn't interested in a hookup or anything, which I was fine with, sex isn't everything. We saw the bunny for a bit, then she started talking about her abusive ex boyfriend she was with for like 2 years (she did not shut the fuck up about it).

She lives in a fairly sketchy place too, so that didn't help the situation. At one point, a car drives by and shined a flashlight through the window I was sitting by. The flashlight was turned off right after that. Then she continued talking about her ex boyfriend.

I held through for 3 hours of that shit. It was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life. Eventually she said her friend texted her about having boyfriend issues and invited herself over to stay the night there, so she basically said "you might as well go, I don't think you want to deal with a crying 16 year old"

So I went to my car and left. I drove as fast as I could back to my apartment. Then I was telling my roommate about it, and he was like "I think you need some alcohol after that shit", so I took a couple shots of vodka.

Shit was fucking weird guys.

Sometimes I have really loose the will to live and find myself face palming multiple times.

I added live chat software a web frontend for a client. Very easy job that consisted of pasting in some embed code. The actual software is very good and has native ios/andriod apps - something specifically requested.

I got a call from my client about an hour ago, saying there is a "serious issue with the live chat".

My client stated the live chat won't work when his staff go home. He asked me what my solution to this was.

Saying "wtf" many times to myself I directed him to a settings within the chat software i.e. an "away mode" where an email is sent when no chat agents are available.

This apparently wasn't good enough and said I hadn't followed his brief of "adding life chat software to the website", which I had.

After a lengthy discussion I found the root of his frustration. He'd signed a contract with a client of his own, stating there would be 24/7 support via live chat on the website.

Obviously there a huge difference between adding a chat widget to a website and committing to having it manned 24/7 :)

After a further 10 minutes of trying push the blame on myself, the client insisted of having the chat software "appear" as someone was always online, even when they are not (people need to sleep ya know!).

Bu design, the chat software requires at least one agent be logged in before the chat status changes to "online" - why wouldn't it.

After a little while I was seriously wondering why I'm involved in this conversation. I jokingly stated: "Well you could always install Andriod/iOS app on your phone, login and permanently leave it running in background. You'd get lots of notifications, but the site would say the live is always online".

The latter was something I said in jest. To my surprise the client said he'd do that on his own phone going forwards. He actually thanked me for my "resourcefulness", lol.

I'm looking at the same dashboard now and there are 407 pending chat requests - his phone must literally be blowing up notifications :)

I’d heard rumblings from my friends in other parts of the organization that there were going to be layoffs coming, so I’d warned my little engineering team. One of my team was vacationing abroad.

When he came back, one of my teammates told him it was all over and we were going to get fired.

He told me that he’d been told that and I said that it probably wouldn’t affect us and that I wouldn’t worry about it (I was under the impression that the layoffs would only really hit customer-facing roles).

The member of my team who just got back from vacation, the one who I reassured, was the only member of my team who was part of the group laid off.

Goddamn it.

Late in the afternoon right before closing time I wandered into a lunch-having nice little place. There was noone and my sleep-deprived self ordered an espresso. The ~25yrs old barista was kind and smiling and while I was adding some milk to my coffee she suddenly asked:

'Are you an IT guy?'

In shock I said: 'Okay, yes, I do wear glasses and drink coffe, but how did you know?'

'I didn't, but... my printer isn't working at home, can you tell me why?'

At this point I bursted out in laughter and realized that to most people I am a printer fixer. We all are, aren't we?

After over 2 months of not opening devRant, here I go again.

My dad's laptop is dying so I decided to give him my old one (because I ordered a new laptop). I asked him if should I keep Linux on it, or should I install Windows. He said "ehh, keep the Linux". So there it is! Linux Mint on top of Dell Latitude E6320 and another person converted to Linux!

Also sorry for not posting just a SS.

Tech support for Friend...
Again...

Ok...
A friend ran down the hallway to my Appartement, I opened the door for him and asked him "What The Fuck... Is wrong with you?!" He was just coughing like...
My... Laptop.... Is... Slow...
When he then eventually came to the point where he could Breath normally again I asked him to login into his by then super with shitty software bloated PC... It was a mess... A Desktop full of Shit... only Shit... I
then opened Chrome and Task Manager...
and holy shit... EVERYTHING! Literally ANYTHING was under 100% Load... Yet his shitty Fans werent spinning up... Shutdown the Laptop and opened it... not to my surprise it was full of Dust... I cleaned it and booted it again... still 100% Load... I couldnt do shit without being bombarded with porn and Hentai Ads... So... I asked him "Did you make any backups to this machine?" He was like.. "*Really long explenation* No *Really long Explenation*"
Great... i thought to myself... Then I said to him his PC was so trash that i only could Reset it to 0... He was like DO ANYTHING YOU CAN LITERALLY ANYTHING!
I then explained him, Resetting this PC Means literally 0 A Fresh start, nothing of your data will be there literally nothing...
He again Was like DO IT!
So I did... When it was done i showed him the result... He FREAKED OUT LIKE THE WORLD WAS GOING TO FUCKING END, HE SCREAMED AT ME WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? REVERSE IT! REVERSE IT NOW!
I Then said to him, I reset it to 0, I said this would happen...
He then took his now perfectly running Laptop and Ran away...

tl;dr
Tech support for friend, Reset PC to 0, Freaked out AF...

Almond, are you there?

> Sure, of course.

Oh ok, it said you were on mute.

> I was, I always go on mute if I'm not talking to help cut down on background noise **hint hint**

That's very confusing for the rest of us, can you leave your mic on please?

> Right... Okay.

!rant
In my Software Engineering II class, our teacher begins a overview of NoSQL DBs. A buddy of mine leans over and asks me "A SQL DB walks into a NoSQL bar, do you know why he left?"
I said, "No idea".
He said, "Because there were no tables".
Our teacher heard me laugh, so my buddy had to explain the joke to the entire class. Needless to say, the whole class got a kick out of it!

!rant

I met my old school friends today. One of them was apparently showing off his programming skills too much(let's call him X). So much that he(friend X) was comparing Linus Torvalds with himself. And he was telling us that Linux is best because there are so many DEs and customisations and blah blah.

So one of my other friend Y(who's not into computers much) asked him to install Ubuntu on his laptop while we were sitting in cafe.(Y wants to play with command line mainly this semester according to him) So he started complaining that he does not have ISO with him and trying to avoid it.

I said I have kubuntu iso he can flash it right away. Then he(X) said "Kubuntu is too complex for him(Y)".(me in mind : " yeah, just because its a. DE, it becomes complex") So I searched in my phone (faked the search, basically renamed kubuntu iso to Ubuntu iso lol) and gave him " Ubuntu " iso

And this "pro developer" installed that on his laptop and after installation was completed he said that "OMG DUUUDE UNITY IS DEAD, EVEN UBUNTU SWITCHED TO KDE AS DEFAULT DESKTOP ENVIRONMENT, ITS COOL".

FFS

I recently gave an interview in a software company, and was rejected cause I took half a minute to connect my webcam and turn on my video 🤷.

I had just moved into an apartment at that time, so my place was not well managed. I attended the meeting in time but didn't have my webcam turned on. They asked me and it just took half a minute for me to turn on and start the meeting. Everything went well there, and they asked me to complete their coding challenge which was a development task. It was a huge task where I had to build a full-stack app (frontend + backend) with basic crud and auth features. I completed that in 2 days and presented it to their tech lead. He loved my work, he was impressed that I was able to complete their challenge in such a short time.
They said they will get back, and after a few weeks, they said that I was rejected. I reached out to ask for constructive feedback on why I was rejected and they said:
“Communication during the interview - interview
preparation: the video wasn't available at the start and needed to check the headset at the start of the meeting” 🙈

Not really a recruiter but at interview at one place I was given a printed code example and told that there was 8 bugs and that I shield treat it like a code review.

I found 16 bugs and 4 bad practices and explained them all to the director of software engineering and team lead (that set the test), they agree that I was correct; the director turned to the team lead and said ... Are you are your a senior

I tried not to laugh lol

so my parents live close and my dad said his router died. I told him I had a spare. I loaded it dd-wrt on there and next time I went over there he asked about opening a port. I said I could do it for him. wouldn't let me touch it. he believes he is the computer genius and that I would brake it.

funny part is I work on servers for huge companies like Wells Fargo, Ally Bank and tons of others. I can configure a rack mount router but he doesn't trust me to touch a little crappy home linksys router lol.

no matter how smart you are they never want to admit their kid knows more about tech than they do.

Some absolute cock-monkey fuck-nugget of a marketing director asked me the other week if I could implement a discount voucher system into a new side project / prototype we’re building.

I said ‘yeah sure but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, i’ll have a look’

He said ‘you just let someone enter a code and that takes £10 off the total order value’

REALLY?!

IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?!!

THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS-CUNT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW A FUCKING DISCOUNT VOUCHER WORKED, YOU ABSOLUTE MOUTH BREATHING WASTE OF FUCKING ORGANS.

I’LL JUST GO TYPE THAT INTO MICROSOFT WORD AND SAVE THE FILE TO THE MAGICAL CLOUD SHALL I?

“dear computer, take a voucher code from a user and take £10 off of there order value”

THERE YOU GO YOU PRICK; JOB DONE. SOFTWARE ENGINEERING IS EASY, EH?!

Wank.

Context:
PM is not an IT professional but somehow leads IT operations ... (yes... I know)
---

PM: "Hey xxzero0, do you remember about the XYZ project?"

xxzero0: "Yes, tell me"

PM: "I told the big boss we can use it to make starships and explore the universe, I also said we can cut the developing time because we are already at 70% with it".

xxzero0: "....... Do you understand we planned to use this project to deploy a small ship in the sea?"

PM: "Yes, but you clearly inexperienced developer, don't know it needs only some refactoring to explore the universe"

xxzero0: "It is more complicated. There is no logic at all. It is just displaying data without doing anything and..."

*Get interrupted*

PM: "Yes, we need some refactoring, I'm such a genius."

!rant
So the other day, my mother came to visit me after a while of not seeing each other. And one thing we used to do together was go searching through old weird junk stores. We go searching through one, and there was a box of floppy discs. I was excited, because I haven't seen one since I was a little kid. I brought it to her attention, and she said, "Wow. A floppy disc!" I laughed and read the disc aloud, "Oh man. Only 1MB." Then proceeded to laugh even more. And she said "I remember thinking 'theres no way anyone would ever take up that much space!'"
That just absolutely blows my mind haha.

(backstory -> I have 10 years of experience as a software engineer)

Me: So I would like to develop myself to become "officially" a senior engineer

Manager: sure, you basically need to show consistent behaviour

Me: ok, but what specifically? on what criteria do you determine when it is time for promotion?

Manager: there isn't anything like that defined yet, we would like to work on a definition of roles and responsibilities, but we're not there yet

Me: ok but how did you do it so far?

Manager; well as I said, you have to show consistent behaviour that characterises you as a senior.

Me: ....

There are 2 node js apps floating around the city...built by me for intranet apps used in a logistics company.

I legit asked a friend if it has been replaced and he said no, that they keep on running like a fucking beast causing no issues whatsoever.

Fascinating. I was legit expecting it to crash a while ago.

Guess mern stacks do scale if you know what you is doing.

Write your unit tests people.

Today my manager got mad at me because of something i said....

Dude i just jokingly said that i didn't appreciate her attitude. Like that was it

The thing is, she didn't get mad at me in a 'i am your boss and you were out of line way"

It was more of a....gf...kind of getting mad sort of deal....and it was really odd.

I know the difference. But either way I only know how to act in 2 ways: make the girl happy or not give a fuck about it.

So i just apologized.

I already got a wife and 2 daughters to keep happy.

There is a limit my dudes, for the ammount of women a straight male can keep happy.

In 15+ years of full time work as a C++ software engineer there is one tool that I always hated: CMAKE. What a fucking pile of shit, seriously, every time there is project that uses it I simply cannot build said project with one click. In all these 15 years working in different companies the only reason people speak about cmake is to avoid adding source files to multiple projects (VS, XCode, Android).

I'm not some kind of newbie: I've make cmake projects myself, I've build hundrends of projects that use cmake and I even contributed fixes to their code. I still believe that cmake is garbage that should stop to exist.

It says "There was no battery found."

This laptop was not connected to a power adapter, but Windows also said that there is no battery. Did I missed the update where Microsoft implemented magic wireless energy?

Over the past few years I've tried to start learning JavaScript, only to become annoyed and move on. In my latest effort, I finally hit that "aha!" milestone. Turns out that the tutorial books and videos everybody said we're the ideal way to learn weren't so ideal for me. What ended up working:

1. Find a project tutorial.
2. Understand maybe 5% of what I'm doing.
3. Alter the project, ultimately breaking it.
4. Spend the few hours Googling.
5. Scrap it.
6. Redo it, exactly the same. It works this time.
7. Bask in my glory. For I am a JavaScript master.

I'll get there eventually. I think.

dotnet core is not bad stuff. there, I said it.

Me: Hey can you sign up for tool X. Our company has an enterprise license, theres an internal form to fill out.

Him: Sure, I filled out a form and it says i'm on a waiting list, not sure if I used the right link.

Me: Was it a form on our companies intranet site?

Him: Yes.

Me: Did it say tool X on the top?

Him: Yes.

Me: Did it say sign up / create account?

Him: Yes.

Me: So I asked you to sign up for tool X under our companies license. You went onto our companies intranet, and filled out a form for that tool, that said create an account ... where exactly is the confusion? If there was more than one way to do it, I probably would have said something.

Found that out that one of our company's internal API (I hope it's only internal) is exposing some personal data. After finally getting the right people involved they said they'd fix it 'immediately'.

5 days later I check and now there is more personal data exposed...which includes personal security questions and the hashed answers to said questions.

And of course they are using a secure hashing mechanism...right? Wrong. md5, no salt

Sigh...

A 40 ish woman who works with economics said "you don' know anything about AI because you're only 16". I then proceeded to show her my shitty AI me and my friend made and explained how it worked. (It was really shit but would still consider it an AI)

She just stood there and was pretending to understand so when I was done explaining about it, I told her not to assume you're smarter than a 16 year old just because you're older and have read some article about AI on The Daily Mail.

Today I learned that there are people that disable javascript...

Quote: "It's both insecure and resource intensive"

Then he went that only if the script is free he would see what it is to run it.

He also said that he would never allow any js file that comes from google even jquery...

I wonder, how does a man like this live today when most of the websites are heavily dependant on javascript?

I wouldn't live in an isolated world just to be 100% secure, I want my good user experience xD

The other month i went into work, excited to actually get something done. On top of that it was yearly bonus day. Quick check on adp to see the bonus and nothing there. Email my boss and ask whats up. Ten minutes later i am unemployed after two years because of a cultural fit. No warnings, nothing bd said about my work, made all the deadlines. Guess they didnt want to say budget cut. Haven't replaced me yet.

I was once requested to update a website and the requirements were that it "must be flash based...and use our company's color scheme."

I saw the current site and critiqued the color before knowing that the color was the company's signature and had to be there. The colors were a pukish yellow like someone pissed all over the site and that color was everywhere. I said that site looked like something from 1998 and flash was not the way to go.

They wouldn't hear any of that. No need to mention I didn't take that job.

Samsung Pay > Apple Pay

There I said it. After testing Apple Pay, Google Wallet, and now Samsung Pay I am convinced that Samsung Pay is the best. It works great and the rewards points that you get for using it are just awesome.

Side note: wtf Apple!? The iPhone 8 is the iPhone 7 plus wireless charging and the iPhone X is just a $1000 piece of flashy ass shit that's only real "innovations" are Face ID and animojis.

Had no internet for hours.
Called the support.
"We will fix it!" they said and they actually did. So maybe there are competent people working there as well???

No. Of course not.

Two hours later I receive a call from them. "It was not our fault. There was an update so we had to plug the cables back into the right ports."

Software update
Physical connections

Wat

We had robotics, or rather an electronics workshop today. Just imagine throwing a bunch of nerds into a room with 3d printers, lots of electronic parts and other tools.

Anyway one of my friends said that his computer wasn't working.

Me: It's running windows so it's broken by default.

Him: common, windows isn't that bad

Me: it is

Our teacher walking by: I'd never want to use windows, it's basically malware

I just sat there smiling 😊

Four engineers and a broke down car

One day, mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, “I think a rod broke”.

The chemical engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas”.

The electrical engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system”.

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”

To which, the computer engineer replied, “I think we should all get out and then get back in”.

Had to implement a search feature for a client so I did and told him to check it out (it was a LIKE SQL statement)

He tested it out by typing in iPhone and Phone (there was an item called iphone in the database) and he was amazed about the fact it worked for some reason.

A real answer from him:
"it's working.. how is it working?
each item is tagged to multiple keywords without the user doing anything"

I said it's just a text search but I guess I should've said I'm using an advanced AI to extract all possible terms related to the item title.

What can we do with a boss who urinates in a cup in his office and then dumps it in the kitchen sink even when we (all women) are sitting there eating lunch?

We are certain of what is in the cup because it smells, is yellow, and it sits right on his credenza in plain view. He’s even left it outside the office, forgetting to empty it.

A few weeks ago I was washing my lunch dishes and he dumped it right on top of my stuff. I was pretty much in shock, I just couldn’t believe it.

Is there something wrong here that I’m not getting? He’s the owner, the boss, in his 70’s, and very respected, but I don’t understand this. No one knows what to say. We feel that if we said something, he would deny it and since he’s the boss, who knows what would happen. Is there any way to approach this? The only other males in the office are related to him. Someone did mention it to one of them, but nothing has changed.

Well on my last full-time job, that ware using cookies for authentication (not something new, eh?). The thing is, you see, the cookies had the 'accountId' which if you change to another number, kaboom you're that account, oh but that was not all, there was an option to mark the account type in there 'accountType', which was kind of obvious in VLE (virtual learning environment), 'Teacher', 'Student', 'Manager' put what of those values and boom you are that role for the session

Thing was open of SQL injection from the login form, from said cookies and form every part you can pass input to it, when I raised the question to my TL he said 'no one is going to know about thatt, I don't see what is the problem', then escalated to higher management 'oh well speak to *tl_guy*'

Oh and bonus points for it being written in ASP CLASSIC in 2014+ (I was supposed to rewrite, but ended up patching ASP code and writing components in PHP)

In 2015-2016, in a private college, charging kind-of big money per year

!rant

A few days ago I had an interview, they asked me if I knew Angular. I told them I never used it, and they told me to give it a go anyway. I made what they asked me to do in 8 hours and submitted it for review. Today they called and said they liked it, and asked me to go there tomorrow to talk terms.
Well, tomorrow could be my first day as an Angular developer!

Finally got a call for an interview and they asked if I had any experience with front-end frameworks. I said yeah and they said that that's great since their client needs a UI/UX guy and said they'd get back to me in 2 days.

I got a call from the said client half an hour later who goes, "Hello! I am PersonX from CompanyA and we've got your resume and would like to hire you as a Laravel developer!"

Buddy... it says right there on the top that I'm a front-end developer and you were even checking out my LinkedIn... fuckin' fucktard.

!dev

I'm a very patient and calm person when it comes to coding or social events and the only thing that "triggers" me is accuracy.

You've made plans to have a small reunion and with people, you hardly meet, once or twice in a year and yet you somehow fail to show at 11:00 am in the morning which was already planned.

Now it's time to call each of you and hear out your ridiculous explanation of how you stayed up late watching Instagram videos of cute kittens and fell asleep late.

> "Oh I just woke up, I'll be there directly there in an hour, I know I promised we'll go together, but I have this thing to deal with"

> "Hey, do you know who reached till there? Are you there yet? What's the plan?" - Bitch the plan was to be there by 11 AM, 11 FUCKING AM.

> "Heyyyy, just woke up, give me an hour I'll pick you up"

Seriously this makes me sad and disappointed because I'm a man of the time. Sometimes I think they do this just to test my patience.

There is not enough time, there never was, there never will be.

With that being said my holiday is ruined and what's up with you?

> inb4 don't let others ruin your holiday

[Disclaimer: This doesn't have too much to do on programming or dev stuff]
Earlier today I went to the library (the physical place) and just decided to sit down with some books on computer stuff, at some point I went into the "Education" section to see if they had like how to stuff on programming or whatever, and I found a palm sized rock that was painted white on one side with a dragon hidden behind a book. It said on the back "Post on FB. Keep or rehide"...
So I got my phone out and opened FaceBook, and the first post that showed said "I just hid a bunch of rocks at the Library and [The name of a park nearby]".
I posted some pictures of the rock and mentioned the friend on mine that hid it, and went to another section to hide it again.
I found a second one that said "Be yourself" and the same "Post on FB, keep or rehide" message, one with a Monster on it and at the park there was a mouse eating a piece of cheese.
The mouse one I kept for myself. :D

Someone I know quite well just told me that they have a hard drive with a S.M.A.R.T warning and "the internet says" that he can fix the problem by running this amazing built in windows tool called "chkdsk" (he literally learned about this today, as a long-term windows user) or by reformatting the drive.
I've told him that neither of those methods will work, since it is a hardware fault that is being reported by S.M.A.R.T.
He said that there is hope that it'll work, since someone on the internet said so.

ಠ_ಠ

There was a meme that was going around a couple of years ago, it was picture of the System32 folder in Windows and underneath it was a text that said "If you want to make your internet download speed faster, delete this folder". I had shared it on Facebook, thinking nobody could fall for this.

Surely enough, about half an hour later came the surge of messages saying that they're not able to delete the folder and wanted help. Most of them were my classmates in college.

Just got my stickers today! Finally get to start my sticker collection on the back of my laptop! I showed a few people and they said "You spent $15 on stickers? You could have spent that on gas". But I like stickers more than going places, so there was no question about it for me (plus I had like $25 in change that I cashed out last night).

So, yeah. Got my stickers and I'm happy about them

Master Foo and the Script Kiddie
(from the Rootless Root Unix Koans of Master Foo)

A stranger from the land of Woot came to Master Foo as he was eating the morning meal with his students.

“I hear y00 are very l33t,” he said. “Pl33z teach m3 all y00 know.”

Master Foo's students looked at each other, confused by the stranger's barbarous language. Master Foo just smiled and replied: “You wish to learn the Way of Unix?”

“I want to b3 a wizard hax0r,” the stranger replied, “and 0wn ever3one's b0xen.”

“I do not teach that Way,” replied Master Foo.

The stranger grew agitated. “D00d, y00 r nothing but a p0ser,” he said. “If y00 n00 anything, y00 wud t33ch m3.”

“There is a path,” said Master Foo, “that might bring you to wisdom.” The master scribbled an IP address on a piece of paper. “Cracking this box should pose you little difficulty, as its guardians are incompetent. Return and tell me what you find.”

The stranger bowed and left. Master Foo finished his meal.

Days passed, then months. The stranger was forgotten.

Years later, the stranger from the land of Woot returned.

“Damn you!” he said, “I cracked that box, and it was easy like you said. But I got busted by the FBI and thrown in jail.”

“Good,” said Master Foo. “You are ready for the next lesson.” He scribbled an IP address on another piece of paper and handed it to the stranger.

“Are you crazy?” the stranger yelled. “After what I've been through, I'm never going to break into a computer again!”

Master Foo smiled. “Here,” he said, “is the beginning of wisdom.”

On hearing this, the stranger was enlightened.

Windows. There, I said it.

3 years ago I got a Mac and it just made sense to me.

Many people don't like Mac and love Windows and that's fine by me.

I hate libre office and every other office suite on linux.

There, I said it.

It is the cancer of linux. I had a presentation today ant it just kept crashing. It changed all my master slides.

It drives me SOOOOO crazy.
(PS. HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO EMBED FONTS INTO A PPTX. I MEAN COMEON!

So I am assigned to a new team to take over the leading position because the guy who did it up till now quit. And there is this guy who today seriously shared his screen with my boss and the rest of the team to point out that I formatted something wrong...

Realy it was something like
super.doFunctionA().thenFunctionB() instead of putting it like
super
.functionA()
.functionB()

He said he wanted to call me out early to avoid spreading of this "wrong formatting"

He wants to start a war? This fuckhead can have it!
Soon I will be the one who writes his tasks... hf

It wasn't me in the interview and it wasn't really an interview at all but here we go. I worked for a pretty shit company this past summer as a paid internship and while I was there they fired a Dev because he complained about how he didn't get a BMW i8 and they had to hire new help. So instead of doing a regular interview what they did was call people in and just have them work. Like no joke from 7-4pm they just did the job the didn't get yet. They also expected them to know how to work in there system. It was a WordPress development company and they had custom plugins and themes that they just expected people to know.

Also they said they would pay them for their work but I don't think they did, there were maybe 8 different people over a week who probably just worked for free.

I'm hal laughting, half facepaling.

Use multiple servers they said
It's gonna balance automaticlly your load they said.

Well, they didn';t accoubnt for a MEGA badly writen API whic can block a whole server for a minute.

Or, but it's not the end !!!

So you see ? 1 at 100%, 1 at 0% ? Quick maths : Average 50%.

Autoscaling kicks in at average 40% for 2 minutes.

So it kicks in... Created a 3d server... Which is still booting !!

And some trafic redirected there.

Sooo. Users on a 100% server : Bad bad bad for them
Users on 0% server : No problems
users on a new 3d server : Wait 15 seconds, then it's like 0%.

Fun fun fun. At least I know now which fucking API does that.

I hate Jira.

There I said it.

Nobody Unit Tests.

So it's already 1:15am late night and I am all tucked up in bed watching Roy Oshrove talk on unit testing and ways to write correct unit test. My friend walk in and finds me in bed watching this. He seems surprised as what are you doing ??
I replied it is an interesting talk on unit testing.

He says are you mad? Who the hell does unit testing ?
People out there are spitting on unit test code base. And they don't write unit tests.

Nobody unit tests.!!

I stay calm. I know there is no point of arguing. I said I'll sleep in some time.

And he works as developer, a job that I applied an never got because of connections.

I am optimistic someday I'll find a job that I deserve. The developer world is in danger. !!!

There was an issue whilst you were away, we had to make a small css change.. We pushed it into master but it said something about the branch being behind the tip by 50 commits or something. It's okay, we forced it up though and force pushed it to production as well but the site went down.. In the end we had to ftp it up manually but the customer is saying things that were there before now aren't there any more?

I thought you put this "release process" in so things like this wouldn't happen! I think we need to review it as it clearly isn't working.

My mom asked me to speed up her PC's startup process. I looked into it and and probably found the problem: G Data.

I told her she has to delete it, there is windows defender anyways (and virus scanners are just snake oil). She refused and said: But I bought it from the local IT shop. They said it is the best.

I said: Yeah because they cannot sell windows defender...

She still argued that she paid for it and wants to keep it.

That was were I said: then enjoy your slow startups.

She also said she feels more secure with it. 🙄

I would not even be able to work with that PC! Its not old at all, but the permanent scanning comes at a high cost and probably does not help much.

But she trusts that local it store guy more than me apparently.

The worst was an open source project I tried to look at.

It was written in Turbo Pascal.

I am not sure, never really got so far, but it looked like it was one single class with hundreds of methods and hundreds of instance fields for data.

Almost no data objects, if it needed for example 4 sets of 6 variables it had 24 instance fields and in some instances 4 different sets of methods for accessing said variables.

Around there I stopped looking ;)

I got cut from a contracting job yesterday I have 3 weeks left in the contract. They said I worked well with the team, had a great work ethic but didn't think I had strong enough tech skills. In the past this would have hurt my feelings and it does a little but I think my tech skills are fairly high. There were three devs working on 66 apps with no tests, some source control but most of the code in source control was older than code deployed in prod, no automatic builds, people would wait a week before checking in code, others would check in code that would not build. Today the boss asked if I had messed with app pools on the prod iIs server because something was wrong. I said no because never remote into the server. Anyway it is the end of the world and I feel fine.

So I was out for Halloween last night, and there was a chick with a plain white Tee that said:
"Error 404: Costume not found."
Really wanted to talk to her about responses but I got the impression she didn't really know what 404 was, just that it was a meme

*Me trying to restore a backup*
Me: Where's the damm fokder?
My grandmother: It said there was some kind of mistake in this folder, so I deleted it
Me: *screams internally*

I love xml. There. I said it. I freaking said it.

The senior developer swore the server was responding with a 500 because I, the co-op, was definitely sending the 'wrong encoding' whenever I post special characters. He said, "I'm only taking your data and putting it straight into the database!!!"

I found out it was breaking because he was converting the JSON payload to a STRING and simplistically separating the keys and values by colons and double quotes. Yuuup. Nothing can go wrong there...

== Internship Interview Rant ==

This is the weirdest interview I've been to to be honest because it wasn't really ABOUT ME. It's like the boss is not really interesting in knowing what I can do, what I am capable of doing. He asked me about my educational background for 5 minutes and started explaining about the startup for 45 minutes. He explained how he came up with the idea like it was a children's bedtime story. He explain what the job is, BUT he didn't mention what programming languages they use. All he said was it required knowledge about different programming languages. I tried asking but he seemed to dodge the question for some reason by saying everyone needs to know a little bit of everything. (Srsly i don't even know what to start learning for this) After listening to him talk and talk and talk and talk, he finally said "hey, think about it and send me an email if you are willing to take it up!"

He works with STUDENTS. The team is composed of him and 5 students. o.O They all seem so..... quiet in the office. Is that normal ???? Or like shouldn't everyone be kinda "interactive" sometimes?

So there is a girl working there too for 3 weeks now but SHE IS IN ROMANIA like wtf, gr8 then i guess ill be the only girl there but hey perks of being a girl, u get to be spoiled sometimes XD it happens a lot !

Internship ad ----> Main language: English
Me: *rages internally during the interview and thinks: BRUHH WHY ARENT U SPEAKING IN ENGLISH i prepared what I was gonna say in english for an hour*
I wonder if the code is in english or maybe its not :(( But I wish it were because it would be soooo much easier in english.

And there you go, I guess I have one week to find a better internship or decide to deal with this talkative boss. This isn't exactly a story of my last job cause my last job is totally non-dev related. This is a story of (maybe) my future job unless I actually find a better internship.

Got an assignment in school to make an easy project in c for embedded real time processors with a free complexity level (it was really early in the course and many had never been programming before).

Since I've been working a few years in development I decided to create an own transmitter and receiver for an own protocol between processors (we had just spent a week to understand how to use existing protocols, but I made my own).

The protocol used only 1 line to communicate with half-duplex and we're self adjusting the syncing frequency during the transmission. I managed to transmit data up to 1 kbps after tweaking it a bit (the only holdback was the processors clock frequency).

Then I got the feedback from our teacher, which basically said:
"Your protocol looks like any other protocol out there. Have you considered using an UART?"

Like yeah, I see the car you built there looks like any other car out there, have you considered using a Volvo instead?

I'm a Linux user. I've been a Linux user for the last 14 years...

Having said that: Microsoft Office is much better than LibreOffice.

There, I said it.

I tought I'll buy a new laptop last week.

Went to the mediamarkt. I've choosen one with hdd. That was cheaper and I have a nice ssd at home, so I tought I'm gonna change that so I've asked the salesman about the hdd. I mean if I take it out and replace it with an ssd, it'll invalidate my warranty? Said yes. But they gladly change it to me if I bring my ssd in for a dirt-cheap €79. I said you are defenetly lost your mind. It takes 5 screws and around 5 minutes.

Anyway. I've choose an another one with ssd. But there was a sticker on it too, means it is prepared to use out of the box. It means as always, the windows is full with advertises, demos and annoying settings. And I don't use windows anyway. Ohh and it costs €29. I wanted one without this thing. Said ok, he'll check it. Comes back and said these modells are all prepared with this. I've asked him to show me a product which is 'clean'. He replied "actually all our laptops came prepared".

So I went mad and left them. This whole procedure takes more than an hour with one lesson: never go there again to buy a computer.

But at the end I've found a solution. Configurable laptops with 2 year warranty even if you upgrade it. Thats what I'll buy soon. I've had enough of big brands bullshits about unnecessary features and other bullshit. I'll buy what I need, not more, not less.

I'll write down the brand if anyone interested.

I want to share one very interesting incident -
Once upon a time, ( 9 yrs back ) I got my first PC. It had Windows XP.
After using it for 1.5 hours, I realised there are some files in C:
I said to myself, my hard disk capacity is 150GB but why some files exist in C:?
Within next 4 seconds, I issued a command to delete all files in C:
The rest you can predict :p

I have a guy sitting next to me in class. We were working on the same project. It's about rewriting a functioning mergesort algorithm in C and doing a presentation about that topic.

Now... the thing is that I was ill on that specific day when we got that project assigned. And he didn't tell me it either. I asked the whole class.
They just said that there was nothing special about that day. These fuckers.

Anyway...
Thé following week we had the same lesson again. Actually there were more than both of us. We were a group of 5 dudes.
3 of them barely have anything to do with programming at all. They just learn for the exams and have bad grades in programming.

Luckily, they already wrote the functioning sorting algorithm.
Since that is the case, I chose to review it to get deeper into that topic.

There were comments in English (we live in Germany) and these comments were written in a different style. My classmates would never comment in such a way.
It was a modified version copied from the internet. The whole source code.
The variables had names like j,k,b,u and so on. It was perfectly obfuscated.

Yesterday, I wasn't at college either.
I had to show up to a given time at a government bureau. They have been working on that project that day. So, I decided to ask them via a messenger, if they can give me the newest presentation files after 1 pm.

They said that they barely have anything to present. They would like to improvise they said.

"Fuck you all" I thought.
I'm done with these fucking illiterate humans.
I hope they all die in hell with satan having a ride on them. Stabbing them from behind right into their assholes and eating their ball sacks (if they have any).

Today is the presentation.
That's when I decided not to drive there during these specific lessons.

Today I found a critical bug to our software and wrote a fix and tested it locally.

Common sense would dictate that especially when it is critical you test said fix on a real release and not with a debugger attached and running onna different device altogether.

I was denied this request because the afflicted machines engineer would not be able to finish the machine before the factory acceptence test.

I stood there with glassed over eyes for a second and then to no avail tried to explain that without this fix he wouldnt even pass the internal acceptance test......

Like any frontend dev working in an organisation, all of what I do are "designed" by an UX/UI designer. Now he fucking has a problem with me and has been going around saying he's gonna resign because of me. (Apparently he said that while walking away from where I was with the intention of it falling in my ears but I was oblivious to it).

On enquiring (to another colleague)why he has a problem with me he said I don't respect him. Perplexed(more curious), I asked what is it that I do to disrespect him and what I found out was out of the world.

I DISRESPECT HIM BY ASKING HIM QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WORK HE DOES.

Awesome, right? Not only does he consider that disrespect but he also takes it personally. WTH?! I'm not supposed to ask why you do a certain things?

Some of my questions -
1. Why are there font sizes of 13px, 14px, 15px right next to each other?
2. Why is there a gap between the sidebar and the content?
3. Why aren't even sizes being used?
Etc.

So much for maturity. He's completely ignoring me, be it on the floor or during meetings. I couldn't care less. It wouldn't take me much to tell him where he's fucking up. The only reason I asked him questions was to understand things better; maybe I don't understand what I find wrong.
But now ~(˘▾˘)~

Fuck these people. They have PhDs in everything but don't know how to walk properly.
"Oh let me get right in front of you while you walk faster", have you ever driven a car you porg shit?
And these people that wear backpacks! OH MY GOD I HATE BACKPACKS! I mean, if you wear one please tell me you've been wearing them since you were born. Otherwise you're not calculating the extra space you take AND YOU JUST WALK LIKE A FUCKING GORILLA.
I have come to the point of inventing the walking permit. You're born with it, and starting at 18 y/o it can be stripped away. LEARN TO WALK.

So yesterday I was testing my friend's app which as said by him is 100% okay.
I found 48 major bugs and reported him. His reaction was "Dude these are just minor issues and client don't even know about it. See there is some real bugs?"

RIP to the app developer and the client.

Recently I came across a job advert that literally said:

"If you're still full of ideals and will to work, go look for a job elsewhere!!!"

Man, how fucked up is your company if this is how you promote it? Sad thing is that even though their website looked like shit, they boasted about big government projects there.

My Unicorns 🦄.

If you look at the picture you will see more than one and there is a funny story behind them. About three years ago I was talking about a new project and I wanted to call it the Magic API, however I work for a religious organization and they said that it would be a problem to call it that. So I said what the hell how about unicorn? They said that would probably be okay. Then I saw that Microsoft had unicorn tags for their developers so it has been my thing ever since then.

So Unicorns it is. 🦄

So am mainly a backend developer , my friend called me asking if I can hack someone phone ..!
I asked him if the phone is in the same wifi network as urs. Then maybe there is a possibility .. he said : " I only have the phone number . And also the phone is switched off .. I keep calling it and it's always off .. "
I told him .. : dude if I can hack a switched off phone ! We wouldn't be friends.. !!!! 🤭🤭

About a month ago told the director we need our own broadband line instead of sharing the crappy one from the shared office building as we rely on internet for all our systems. He said no because we'd have to pay for it and the shared one is free.

Today the shared internet has gone down and all our systems are inaccessible including the phones. I'm just sat here like "told you so", and there is nothing I can do as have no control of it 👍

Can someone help me settle an argument with a coworker?

So let's say there is a REST interface that returns a PDF representation of an resource...but it requires the authorization header in order to authorize that you have access to the document in question.

And let's say there is a link on the page that redirects to this endpoint to serve up the document. He thinks you can add a header to the HTTP request that goes out when you click on the link (a regular old anchor tag) with onclick without making an xhr call.

I told him that you would have to use an xhr call to add headers, and that even then you would receive a byte stream back, which without using a blob and an object url or a data uri you wouldn't be able to display it in a new tab or start a download.

Regardless he went on to tell me I was wrong. The next day he said he had done it. I asked him to show me, and he said "oh it's at home", and then proceeded to ridicule me in front of my architect. He always pulls this one up's man ship bullshit and I hate it. And I am pretty sure he's wrong.

New manager was hired in another department but he sits close to me.

After a couple of weeks he complimented how it always seemed like I was there at work.

I just said thanks. But what I wanted to say was...

"Yeah no kidding fucktard, you get here after 8am, leave before 3pm, and you some how are impressed that not only does my normal 8 hour shift completely overlap the time you are here, but I also regularly put in 9 hour days which is pretty normal for people around here.”

A few days ago I read an article about an IT company in germany winning in court. They sueed the government for charging them taxes for offering breakfast to their employees. They won because the jury said coffee and dry buns is not a breakfast.

So, my question is is there some guy from called company here on devrant? 🙂

I just took over a new project from a brand new client today. It's an Android app that he said needed some updates and refactoring, and he said it wasn't well documented but he would add some comments for me before giving me the code. He gave me access to the code today and one class in it is over 1200 lines long with exactly 4 methods in it... the shortest method is still over 200 lines long. There is one comment at the very top:
// Needs refactored.

... gee thanks.

Today at 7am i got s phone call please go to this client

I responded sure no problem what am i going to do at this client.....

Don't worry they said you will find out when you get there...

So i go to the client and as I expected its not dev related at all

It was for installation of point of sale tills and printers 😱😱

That are 7 years old with no cables
(2 hour drive to get here)

Anyway I ended up selling hardware to them....this developer is going places 😂🙈

so... 9 years ago we had this super awesome codebase. 1 file, complete logic COPIED to be used in ui and service/daemon. I scrolled to the middle of the file and there was no source. it was out of bounds of my monitor to the right because of nested ifs. ok... what the fuck!! the worst part: I had to implement a new FEATURE into this mess. 2 days. I said it would not work as expected because the feature was not thought through. but project said let's gooooo! ok there I was, a junior with an impossible to implement feature and a codebase from hell. I've implemented something, all night long. next day it was the problem of the consultants. they called me, I told them why it's impossible that this would ever work, they understood and talked to the customer. he accepted the solution. WTF?! anyway, in those days I thought about quitting developing software as my daily job....

!rant

Do any German Devs on here have a good example Arbeitszeugnis?

One of my previous employers basically said "write your own and we'll sign it".

I've never seen one, I'm not a native speaker and from what I understand there are a lot of subtleties to be careful of.

Received feedback on a task I made for a job interview (I didn't get a technical interview).

The task was easy with nothing special about it that made me think if that's what the job is like, I don't want to work there. It was a simple web page with search functionality. I did the task anyway.

The feedback I got was useless. It said that I made a complex and an over-engineered solution.
What I made, mind you, was a one endpoint API and a single Vue.js component instead of using jQuery to update the results. That's it. OVER-ENGINEERED!

Complete waste of time.

MacOS sierra is a piece of garbage

There I said it

What is it with devs (not all, by any means!) who don't understand networks or basic computer operation? I'm not talking about anything complex, but things like the dev who asked if his IP address could be whitelisted so he could remote in from home. We asked what his public IP address is and he said 10.0.0.27.

Or the new dev who started and said her laptop camera didn't work and logged a ticket, only to be asked if she had the camera cover open or closed and said, "oh, that's what that lever is for."

Don't get me wrong - many devs and sysadmins and IT people of all fields are excellent. And there are some who are crap in every field. This is no rant about devs in general, just *these* crap devs that I can only throw my hands in the air and think, well, they scored ok in the SQL test.

Hi everyone, long time no see. Hope you're all doing fine! 💙

Here's an actual rant: I don't know if I chose the right university course, anymore.
I chose "Informatics", but there are so many subjects that aren't even related to Informatics, and still I have to do them because that's how it is. I just wanna do programming, because I like the creative aspect of it.
I'm getting sick of this to be honest... I'm at my second year, now, and I feel like maybe... I should've just studied programming on my own, and seek a job without going through university.
Though, that being said, I may just be temporarily having a bad time. I don't know, ok?

It seemed I did okay, in my first year, I completed 4 exams out of 7, but now I don't know anymore.
The exams for this semester's subjects are coming up in a couple months, and I haven't exactly learned much, y'know...? I couldn't follow most of what the professors said in the lessons, for whatever reason (some professors talk too quietly, some don't explain well, etc.).

What was your experience with university, if you ever went there? Did you find it helpful, or was it a waste of your time?

Thank you for reading. I hope my next post will be more joyful, sorry for being like this. Love you all! 💙

There is this shitty database that still exists. It's called CrateDB. It's a SQL layer on a NoSQL. I don't know whose brilliant idea was that but any which way, IT SUCKS. Documentation said that the latest version supports table joins. Yeah, join queries take just ~300 seconds to run. Congratulations!

My boss gave me a lab pc (not controlled by the internal IT) so I can put whatever OS I want on there. I'm planning to also write certain documents with something like LaTeX on it.

When he gave it to me, he said “but don't goo too overboard with it, I know much time you can sink into Linux and TeX”

Me, actually planning to go fully overboard in every aspect: “haha yeah don't worry I'll just install Ubuntu or something”

Please fix this one tiny bug they said. Don’t touch everything, it works, sans the bug, they said. Should take a day or two they said. Please don’t do anything drastic, they said.

Well....

The entire environment is fucked. The current commit for that repo is fucked, and the previous one was just an empty Xcode project. How the fuck can I debug something that isn’t even running? The machine it was built on by the previous engineer that left the company had multiple Xcode projects for the same thing and all of it refused to compile. What?! How the hell it got released to the wild and being used by hundreds of clients is still beyond my comprehension. Adding insult to injury, I eventually discovered there were memory leaks up the wazoo. Great!

So, please for the love of fucking God, leave a working repo for your colleagues before you decide to jump ship!

Yeah so... I‘m an IT student and am supposed to have a certificate exam about software engineering RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
The person from the certificate place arrived half an hour late due to a delay of her flight.
That sucks alot because many students have other exams just after this one.

I always go one hour early to exams so even if 2 trains are delayed I will be there in time.
I would expect said person to do the same.

It gets even worse. We sit there expecting to start the exam half an hour late and guess what:
The distributed exam is not the one we are meant to take......... FOR FUCKS SAKE why did I even come here?!?!

Today was successful. I deployed an app to a dev environment that worked perfectly on local. When I asked if it was ready for QA I said "no, there is issues that need attention"

I am now the proud owner of 75 QA emails of things that do not work. Luckily they're all duplicates of the same issue.

Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Basically any meeting where "the big bald" (a.k.a our manager) was present...
It always started professional and alright but it often took only around 5 minutes before the asshat started bragging about "his past accomplishments", his life when he was younger and often a lot of shit that wasn't exactly respectful to women...

I'm not an SJW, nor am I the most "female-friendly" person out there myself...
But the things he said repeatedly, made me come really close just punching him in the face.

I ordered new computer by separate parts so I will have what I want. Choose to not be delivered by mail but pick it up by myself, so it will be faster. Boy I was wrong.

First of all one part was not available so I have to wait one week longer. Then after a week they say I can pick it up. But I was on vacation.

Finally I was back so I went pick it up. Came there and they said they can't find one part. It supposed to be there but they can't find it right now.

So now I am still waiting.

I struggled to find the interview location as the company as they were using another companies offices. As I sit down, sweating, feeling rushed for barely making it on time the interviewer says: "Tell us a joke"

I should have got up and walked out, but since I was there already I pulled this one out:

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, I think a rod broke.

The chemical engineer said, The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas.

The electrical engineer said, I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system.

All three turned to the computer engineer and asked, What do you think?

The computer engineer said, I think we should all get out and then get back in.

> day 3439
> I have become the reviewer, there is no longer such thing as a programmer, just a reviewer
> the copilot AI was renamed "The Pilot"
> I sit and read through thousands of lines of code a day adding missing new line characters and adding semi-colons for paranoid dev leads
> reviewed a hello world function today
> instead of, return "Hello World!", it said "Goodbye World! >:)"
> I fixed it and submitted a PR
> this has been happening more and more lately
> apparently it's more efficient to fix the bugs of a malicious AI during pull reviews then it is for humans to make the programs
> congress just signed a bill last week allowing "The Pilot" to work on nuclear launch code
> I hope I don't mess up

On Friday. Client and Project Managers arranged a meeting and wanted me to be there. Client said the meeting will be max 15 Minutes but it was around 2 hours. This client project was due the following week. I was happy because everything was done and excited that the client might be coming down to say how awesome the work was.

The table turned around. They came changed the designed and functionalities. The client said, it won't take long to do it, right? and my Project Manager said No! No! No! don't worry its very easy thing. It will take him around 1 day to do it, it's just all cosmetic changes.

It took me more than a week to get it done, test again, check on browsers. The client was pissed and they fired us. Guess who was blamed for it?

Big Brand Company

Wasted 2 days on induction about what to do and how to do.

After 2 days, Reach at workplace and called my line manager (LM). after 2 3 calls, he pick the phone and said please reach to 3.2L5

Now what the heck is this term how the hell I know what means by this magical number. It was never told in the induction that what building name is denoted with.

Called LM again and now LM annoyed at me and said to enter into building and ask for XYZ person ..I asked whom I need to ask..He said ask anybody..

When I enter I ask a security guard there and he was like numb...There are fucking 5000 people in the company.How someone will know by name..Is that guy is superstar or something?

Again called the LM, Now he yelled at me. ..Why you are asking the security guard ..I said he do not allow me to enter so what I need to do..I requst him to please guide me as I am new and nervous here..

Again no luck ..Asked already 4 to 5 people..

Finally one guy who also joined with me, helped me to reach the guy.

LM was actually running late and when he reach, I came near to him 2 greet ans he again shouted with loud voice " What are you doing man"

#firstDay

Gave a recommendation to the boss to do a thing. He said “Go and do the thing.” I wanted to do a proof of concept but there was no time. We got the contract. I tried to do the thing. It didn’t work. It WON’T work because the vendor’s marketing far overpromises what the product can do. No way to back down because the client is already fully invested in the solution. I want to quit my job AND my career now because I apparently suck at all of it.

I applied for software engineer in a software development firm. It clearly states in my resume that I am mainly a PHP developer in my current job. The company I applied for focuses on javascript frontend frameworks with Java Spring or node.js as backend.

The screening consisted of three parts; written exams, panel interview and the final interview. It lasted for a whole day, and when It's time for the final interview, the interviewer said that there are no slots left for trainee/junior level which is my level with 5 yrs experience in the industry.

I understand that this means that I will be trained with the technology that they are using so it will be an entry-level job but I submitted my resume several days ago and they didn't reviewed it first before making me attend the screening. I just wasted my time with this! They could've said from the start that they are not looking for people that do not have any experience with this technology/framework.

Fuck

Last year during my HTML/CSS exam, there was a question requested that items should be displayed in the center of the screen and move outwards as you add in to them.

There were three given IDs for the divs. Left, right and main. So what I did to reduce the amount of code written(mind you this is written on paper). I just used the main class wrapped it inside a container and then did what the question was asked and achieved the same result. My teacher still gave me 0 points even though I provided a solution better than what most other students actually did. His reason was, you should've done as I said.

And yes, yes we're writing our coding exams on paper.

!rant but seeking für help

Hi!
So my boss came to me yesterday and asked me if I could do some penetration / security testing for a web application our company made.
Interested in learning it and being familiar with HTML, PHP, JavaScript and MySQL I said yes.
Though I have some really basic knock edge of the subject (E.g SQLInjection) I was wondering if you know any good website / udemy course or whatever that can get me started.
I don't mind if there will be a certificate at the end but it is not necessary.

Thank!

when there was a client who was complaining about something and my co-worker told him that we'll fix the issues. my co-worker wrote it down and decided to fix it later. he never told us about it. he never even mentioned about that encounter. then one day, i was at work alone. the cliente went in and said, "is it fixed already?" and of course, i asked what was fixed. i checked it out and found out the issue was not fixed and it has already been a month. the client was so pissed off and started yelling at me like im the one who was at fault. in fact, the client stayed there for over an hour just to watch me fix it.

i didnt talk to my co-worker for a week because of that. everything he does just pisses me off from that moment on. he arrives late most of the time and he takes more breaks than anyone else. he fixes issues less than anyone else. i swear to god, if the company wasnt his family's, he wouldnt be able to find a decent job with how he acts.

I never write unit tests.

There, I said it.

The IT department at my school doesn't know anything on Ubuntu or even Linux for that matter.
I asked them how I could connect to the WiFi on Ubuntu, cause I couldn't connect and they just said there was nothing they could do.
After that I spend two days to figure out how to connect and finally I got it working.
Next time I don't ask if they can help. I just ask for the settings and do it myself...

Here it goes,

So there I was a Linux enthusiast stuck in a windows job for about 3 years. I would spend my weekends doing Linux related tasks for my personal amusement, while I spent my week doing windows maintenance and development (partially) professionally.
It was about 2014 I started building an openstack cluster at home and i was so stoked! I searched for openstack summits or meetups and for my surprise there was an openstack meetup in my town. Holly 🐄 I said.
The date of the event came and I left work earlier to attend the meetup.
There , I had a talk with the meetup organizer/speaker and he told he was interested in what I was doing and that they were going to open a job in the next months.

A few months later still at my boring job I got an email from him for an interview.
Everything went just about right...and here I am a Linux systems engineer doing everything I love for a living...

had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back

So I've been really Ill the past few days, like litterly been in bed for two days, popping pills like there going out of fashion. I contact work and get the typical "get well soon" so I get a message today asking how I'm doing (still Ill), I said I'll be back Monday and ask if anything is urgent that needs to be done first thing. So I get a list:

Project A: Deadline Monday
Project B: final review Tuesday
Project C: Still waiting on feedback

So I ask any chance we can extend the deadlines by a day or so I have enough time to catch up even though I'm going to have to rush it as I've been off.

Answer.. nope there non negotiable.. oh

So they want basically three days work done in one day, given the fact I still might not be 100%. Jesus Christ 😂

Quick Edit, I wasn't told there were deadlines.

While it's totally not without its valid use cases, I fucking hate pair programming.

Well, let me elaborate. I hate *remote* pair programming. It completely disrupts my flow and wastes so much time with additional water cooler nonsense, and pedantic argument for the sake of participation. Not to mention "oh hey let me see how you did this... Oh, you know what, I think it would be better to do it this way...". Ok, great, we weren't even discussing that, but sure, let's completely detail this session to refactor something that could have come up at a good transition point, like I dunno, say a code review?

Like I said, there are very good reasons to pair program, but I would much prefer rubber ducking wherever possible.

I am now sitting in my apartment lobby after rushing home this morning because of a FedEx Delivery.

They said they can't get access to the building then how the fuck did this FedEx package get in between when I got back and when I came down?

Now they said there are different trucks... And my service could come later today.

It wasn't even supposed to come today but I guess maybe that's good since I took today off anyway...

Now I'm just stake out here all day and if it's not here..... Im going to aim to make FedEx the next Facebook or Panama Paper PR crisis

I think that would be config tool for F1 Challenge ‘99-‘02 game which was called VMT Engine. It introduced me to modding community, the VMT Engine project taught me A LOT about software development.
The origin of this tool was I posted on F1 2014 VMT development forum thread “Hey! Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a tool that let you change tires type?”, so the VMT leader said “Why don’t you do it?”...So I did it 😐

I’m actually still updating the source code to this day

i was having a really hard time because there was no record of changes in code, the boys would communicate changes in private and I'd spend hours trying to figure out why i couldn't compile. when i asked my boss that they put that info somewhere, he said it was unnecessary and that it always worked that way before i came. ofc it worked, it was 2 guys coding. i couldn't work properly and everything took forever to sort, no one tried to help. i went to hr and they just told me i was right and that i had to be patient. i quit soon after

It's been 1 month in my first dev job.
I'm really happy but there is one problem...

Despite my role as a full stack dev in a fullstack team, I deal with only frontend stuff so far.

I asked to get some backend tasks from my boss, and he said "in due time".

Is it because I'm a junior? Is it normal?

rant, !dev...

NEVER BUY ANYTHING THAT COST MORE THEN $5 FROM ALIEXPRESS....

I CANCELLED AN ORDER LIKE 1HR AFTER I PLACED IT, 3 DAYS AGO... I JUST GOT NOTIFIED THE ORDER IS NOW SHIPPED....

ALSO SEEMS MOST THINGS ON THERE A CHINESE RIPOFFS... BEING MARKETED AS QUALITY GOODS....

Oh and their customer support is really sketchy... they said they'll try to get me a refund... But as I was taking to her, I also placed a dispute on my credit card "just in case"

I was working on a project for a presentation and had a really bad cold. I was building something in JavaScript and the framework was all new to me. No one else wanted to touch it so I said i would have a go.

Basically I put everything I could into it and the director walked in and started using it, ignoring me who wrote it, talking straight to my boss about loads of changes.

I sat there and quietly and thought whatever I did they would change it again as they don’t know what they want.

I felt crap the next day because of the cold and the previous days experience, so I called in sick. I got a load of abuse about the deadline for the presentation and this time I gave it back and said maybe someone else should have stood up and taken that project then. I wasn’t taking anymore of that crap.

I have a confession to make, I use a light theme, and I like it.

There. I said it. You can all hate me now.

It helps me to focus tho, as I use a dark UI theme. It really brings out the code.

I never liked YAML. But lately, I'm starting to dislike it more and more.

I mean, wtf is that?
- digest YAML input -- a valid YAML
- digest JSON input -- a valid YAML

A language that embeds another language.

Can it be any more confusing..?

Sure it can. the
```
script:
- echo "John said: hello there"
```

will fail YAML linter, because, even though I used quotes, yaml sees `echo "John said` as an object key

I think I'm yet to find more nonsense with YAML. And eventually, I'll grow to hate it.

I hate it when people quit in the middle of a project. I was building an app with a guy and he recently said: "I don't really feel like I want to make this app anymore". This is so annoying! He was the second person to quit. There was another girl who quit just a couple hours before we were supposed to do a pitch. Luckily I found someone else to make the app with and he's pretty excited. I hope he will stay. Anyway, has this ever happened to you? I would love to know.

I've seen a bunch of people criticizing the people who repeatedly criticize/hate windows.

Lemme stop you right there.

Now, hating on something just because it IS that something is stupid, I'll grant you that much. But when windows does stupid shit, I am going to complain about said stupid shit.

Deal with it.

I feel like an idiot... I just realized why my builds were failing.
My entrypoint was setup as to not overwrite a specific file if it was already there. The problem is, the said file is auto-generated, and I need a different configuration for it to work properly in docker. But I forgot this, and the result was a failing build, plus me scratching my head for a few hours. :(